#wants to immerse herself in some semblance of normalcy

[doom-dreaming]

Cheerful Oblivion

Thought that I was hungry for love… Maybe I was just hungry for blood. **********

I met a woman in a club once. Years ago. Can’t get her out of my head. If I didn’t still have the napkin with her number on it… Well. Would’ve been easy to assume I dreamed the whole thing up.

It was a miserable night to be out. Rain was coming down in buckets, flooding the streets. Could almost hear it over the music, pelting the roof. But there she was. Filling the entire doorway. No coat. No umbrella. Nothing but a black tank top and jeans that looked too tight to be comfortable. Soaked to the bone, dripping wet, faded blue-raspberry-bright hair plastered to her neck. She looked like she’d dragged herself straight out of the ocean. In hindsight, maybe she had.

********** England is only ever gray or green. The girls glitter, Striding glorious and coatless in the rain. I remember falling through these streets, Somewhat out of place, if not for the drunkenness… It makes my chest hurt to think of it, Not of regret, but of missing that… …cheerful oblivion… **********

I remember the way she stood there, caught under spotlight rays of blue and green, the rain on her face sparkling like diamonds… She looked like an angel. Could’ve been. Probably wasn’t. More than likely…something else.

She didn't belong there. In the club. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Maybe philosophical. She didn't really seem like she belonged anywhere. But I could see it in her eyes, almost fluorescent blue under the lights. To her, it didn’t matter where she belonged. What mattered was where she wanted to be. And she wanted to be there. In that club. On that night.

I’d never been afraid of being noticed by a beautiful woman. I craved it. Don’t we all? This was different. She was different. Never felt my blood run colder than the second our eyes locked. It felt like being hunted.

********** It was not all pain and pavement slick with rain, And shining under lights from shitty clubs, And doing shitty drugs, And hugging girls that smelled like Britney Spears and…coconuts… **********

She flowed through the crowd like water, parting the proverbial sea, leaving a wake of awestruck stares. If she knew she was the center of attention, she didn’t care. She was a full head taller than anyone else, a titan amongst mere mortals. Muscles rippled when she moved. Wet skin shimmered. I tried not to stare, I really did. Couldn’t help myself. I could’ve watched her for days.

She swept ashore at the bar, smelling like petrichor and oil slicks. Ordered a drink. Smiled down at me, sitting so small a million miles beneath her. There was nothing human about that razor-sharp flash of teeth.

She asked if I wanted another drink. Hadn’t realized I’d finished the one in my hand. I nodded. Couldn’t find my voice. Tab’s on me, she’d said. Not here for long, least I can do. After tonight, you’ll never see me again.

********** And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp, You crawled from the sea to break that sailor’s heart. You only get one night upon the shore, So dance like you’ve never danced before. And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But, oh Lord, you’ve never been so in love… **********

I asked her where she was from. She laughed, a harsh bark of a thing that ripped out of her throat like it hurt. Nowhere. I asked for her name. She didn’t answer. But that animal grin flashed back, a bright white scar across her face. For no reason, I thought about moths. And flames.

We stopped talking. Kept drinking. Started dancing. God, the way she moved. Like a machine. Like a predator. Like a ballerina. Equal parts precision, power, beauty.

I couldn’t keep up. She didn’t seem to care. I was a prop. A plaything. An entertaining little toy, something to keep her distracted. From what, I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. It felt like an honor.

********** And the mermaids they come once a year, They climb the struts of Brighton Pier, They come to drink, they come to dance, To sacrifice a human heart. And the world is so much wilder than you think. You haven’t seen nothin’ ‘til you seen an English girl drink… **********

I do still see her. Sometimes. In my dreams. In those hazy amber-clad memories. It’s hard to know what was real. Don’t know who she was. Or what she was.

Never did call that number. Not sure she’d really wanted me to. Probably for the best. I get the feeling that if we’d been in that club alone together… She would’ve eaten me alive.

And I think I would've let her.

[greeneywa]

HIIIII MY PEOPLE I MISS YALL SO MUCH HE IS THE PART 3 OF THE SYORKILVAN X TIRANMU LOVE STORY HEHEHE @buzzkillchainsaw i know youve been waiting for it and here it is !!!! remember kids the Syorkilvan clan belong to @buzzkillchainsaw

Ra'ak retreated to the familiar comfort of the forest, his thoughts tangled in the aftermath of his actions. He needed to clear his mind, to make sense of the feelings that had overtaken him. Raya was his future mate, and yet Zrina had awakened something within him that he couldn't ignore. He felt the weight of his responsibilities pressing down on him, a burden that grew heavier with each step he took away from the river.

Meanwhile, Zrina remained by the water, her mind a whirlwind of confusion and guilt. The playful moment with Ra'ak had shifted into something unexpected, something that left her heart pounding and her thoughts racing. She couldn't help but replay the scene in her mind, the feel of Ra'ak's lips on her neck, the warmth of his embrace. It was wrong, she knew, but it had also felt undeniably right.

Back at the village, Raya noticed Ra'ak's absence and sensed the tension that lingered in the air. Her instincts told her that something had changed, something significant. She found Zrina by the river, her friend’s usually vibrant spirit dulled by the weight of her thoughts.

"Zrina," Raya called softly, her voice a soothing balm to Zrina's troubled mind. "Are you all right? You seem distant."

Zrina looked up, forcing a smile. "I'm fine, Raya. Just...thinking."

Raya nodded, though she wasn't entirely convinced. "Well, if you need to talk, I'm here. Always."

Zrina appreciated Raya's offer, but she couldn't bring herself to reveal the truth. Not yet. Instead, she focused on her lessons, determined to master the ways of the Syorkilvan and find some semblance of normalcy.

The following days were a blur of activity. Zrina immersed herself in the teachings, learning to move with grace through the mangroves, to communicate silently through the intricate sign language of the Syorkilvan. She found solace in the routine, a way to keep her mind occupied and her heart at bay.

Ra'ak, too, threw himself into his duties. He trained with the warriors, hunted for the clan, and avoided any situation that might bring him face-to-face with Zrina. His thoughts remained conflicted, but he pushed them aside, focusing on his role as the future leader of the Syorkilvan.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the mangroves were bathed in a golden glow, Ra'ak found himself standing on the edge of the village, gazing out at the river. His mind wandered to Zrina, to the way her laughter had filled the air, the warmth of her touch. He shook his head, trying to banish the thoughts that plagued him.

"You seem troubled," a voice said, breaking the silence. It was Raya, her eyes filled with concern.

Ra'ak turned to face her, forcing a smile. "Just thinking about the future, Raya. Our future."

Raya stepped closer, her gaze unwavering. "Ra'ak, I know you. Something's been bothering you. You can tell me."

Ra'ak sighed, the weight of his secrets threatening to crush him. He couldn't lie to Raya, not when she deserved the truth. "It's...complicated, Raya. I...I feel something for Zrina. Something I can't explain."

Raya's eyes widened, her expression a mix of surprise and hurt. "Zrina? But she's..."

"I know," Ra'ak interrupted, his voice pained. "She's not my intended mate. You are. But I can't help what I feel, Raya. I'm trying to understand it myself."

Raya looked away, her heart aching. She had always known that their union was arranged, but she had hoped that love would grow between them. Now, she felt a pang of jealousy, a fear that she might lose Ra'ak to Zrina.

"Ra'ak," she said softly, her voice trembling. "I need to think. I need time."

Ra'ak reached out to her, his hand hovering in the air. "Raya, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

Raya nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "I know, Ra'ak. But this changes everything."

She turned and walked away, leaving Ra'ak to grapple with the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He watched her go, his heart heavy with regret. The future he had envisioned was slipping through his fingers, and he didn't know how to stop it.

As night fell over the village, the stars twinkling above like distant memories, Zrina lay in her hammock, her thoughts consumed by Ra'ak. She couldn't shake the feeling that something profound had shifted between them, something that went beyond their clans and their duties.

The river, once a place of solace, now seemed to hold the echoes of their shared laughter and the whispers of their unspoken desires. And as she drifted off to sleep, Zrina couldn't help but wonder what the future held for her, for Ra'ak, and for the fragile bond that had formed between them in the heart of the mangroves.

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Six

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: 18+, fluff, implied smut, angst, mentions of war, military technicalities

A/N: We are back to Captain Sy and Sgt Liv and they are adorable together. But! It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, right? A big thank you to @thelastsock​ for being the best beta ever!

<Chapter Five

Title: Captain Six

“We have support from the locals. Not all of them. But plenty.”

Sy nodded in understanding as Liv informed him about their recent advancements with the villagers. She was dressed in her fatigues, her hair neatly tied in a bun and standing with her hands behind her back. She stood confidently beside Sy’s Lieutenant, the soft city girl disappearing under the strong demeanor of a soldier.

“They want to stay hidden for the time being. But they trust us.” Pepps added, his gloved hands holding the straps of his vest.

“It won’t turn out like the teacher from last year?” Sy asked, glancing from Pepps to Olivia. He remembered the horrible incident where the one person who had decided to help them had been charred to death. He had reached the school to witness a wailing woman and spectators watching as the burnt corpse was being taken to shelter by his brother. The deceased’s wife was shouting curses at them which still to this day kept ringing in Sy’s ears.

“Not currently.” The confidence in Liv’s voice had faltered, her tone dropping an octave. She looked at Pepps nervously with pursed lips.

The Captain let out a sigh. He rubbed his beard and brought his arms up to cross them over his chest. Glancing at the soldiers standing in front of him, he leaned back on his chair. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

Pepps picked up his gun from the chair and left the office, throwing a nod towards the Captain. Sy watched his Lieutenant walk out the door, leaving only him and Liv in the office. Away from prying eyes, Liv relaxed her shoulders and stood at ease. Bringing her hand to her mouth, she yawned while looking at Sy from the corner of her eyes.

An amused smile crept up on Sy’s bearded face. “Tired?”

Dragging another yawn out of her mouth, Liv smiled lazily at him. “I have been up since…I don’t know… Yesterday? Noon?”

“You had the night shift.” Sy remarked. He had noticed her posted at the barracks with Sloan as he was returning back to his room. She had been animatedly describing something to her comrade, laughing as Sloan had snorted in return.

“I could really take a nice massage.” She rubbed her neck while rolling her shoulders.

Sy smiled at his girl. He was absolutely enamored with the red-haired, gun wielding beauty. A week ago, he had finally kissed her tantalizing lips after agonizing over the thought for so long. He had felt his heart swell, hypothetical butterflies fluttering in his belly. She had tasted sweet; her soft supple lips had glided perfectly against his. The dipping sun had casted a soft glow on her face, making her hair shine like tendrils of lustrous copper.

“Come here.” He commanded with a flick of his hand. Liv raised an eyebrow at him with her hand resting on her neck. Sy tilted his head with a smile as he waited for Liv to move. With a moment of hesitation, she took slow steps towards him. In the week that had followed after their first kiss, they had stolen some more chaste kisses around the camp. Both of them, without voicing their choices, had resorted to keep their budding relationship on the down low. Even if two of their own Sergeants were parading around, openly declaring their love for each other, Sy and Liv could not risk that kind of behavior. They were leaders of their units after all. As much as Sy would love to kiss Liv out in the open, there was a decorum to maintain and Liv agreed.

“Close the door first.” Sy nearly chuckled as Liv’s eyes widened and she hurried towards the worn-out wooden door to his office. Swiftly shutting it close, Liv walked back to him. Sy glanced at her expectant eyes looking down at him. He spread his legs out on the chair and opened his arms, inviting her to sit on his lap.

Liv shook her head at him, rolling her eyes and gracing him with her beautiful smile before climbing on his lap. She straddled him, her hands circling his neck as Sy looked into her golden orbs. He placed a peck on her lips and brought his hands up behind her to work on her tensed shoulders. He pressed down gently on her aching muscles, which elicited a low moan from her. The mellifluous undertone of her voice stirred an arousal in his loins, her thighs rubbing against his crotch not making it any better.

“Now where would you get your massage back home?” He asked, distracting himself with releasing the taut muscles of their tension.

“There’s this place in Tribeca that I frequent when I am on leave.”

Sy felt Liv’s body ease against his as he kneaded his way through her back. He watched as she closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of relaxation. Her warm breath washed over his face as Liv let out appreciative mewls as he rubbed the aching spot behind her neck. She clutched his t-shirt tightly in her hands as he increased the pressure on the sore spot. Her hips jerked forward, rubbing against his groin making Sy take in a sharp breath.

“Easy there, little birdie.” Sy breathed out. He brought one hand on her cheek, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone and making her open her eyes to look at him. A glint of mischief danced in her whiskey-colored eyes matched by the quirk of her lips. She rocked her hips lightly against his whilst bringing her hand to caress the soft hairs at the nape of his neck.

A shuddering breath escaped Sy’s lips as Liv’s crotch rubbed against his waking arousal. He brought both of his hands down to her hips, grabbing them tightly and stilling her from performing her ministrations on him. Her lips drew out in a pout, her bottom lip sticking out in disapproval.

Sy would have wanted nothing but to take her in his office. Fleeting thoughts about her sensuous, naked body sprawled beneath him had made him jerk off in the privacy of his room. Imaginations had run particularly wild when two nights ago, Sy had pulled Liv into the empty gym hall in the dead of the night. He had pushed her against the wall, his hands on either side of her head, capturing her in place. He was addicted to the feel of her hands on his chest, her lips on his and the breathy moans she elicited. Their chaste kisses had turned to a steamy make-out with tongue rolling against each other, hands grabbing at every inch of their bodies. He had kissed down her neck, pulling her shirt aside to run his warm tongue over her collarbone while Liv had palmed him over his shorts.

Sy knew they would have crossed the line if it wouldn’t have been for the night patrolling unit to come running down the stairs, just outside the gym.

“I think I should retire to my quarters.” Liv commented, bringing her head to rest on his shoulder. “I need a long night’s sleep.” She muttered against his skin, yawning again.

Sy ran his hand soothingly over her back. He held her close to his body, listening to her breathing as she drifted in and out of sleep. He was aware she was overworked. Besides running their main objective of fetching the food truck, she had also immersed herself in the work of the Special Forces. Liv made sure to go out to the village and speak to the inhabitants with Sy’s men, trying to understand their problems and sympathizing with them. To add to her schedule, Sy and Liv woke up early most mornings to catch the sunrise whilst drinking tea. It was like a routine for them and Sy wasn’t complaining. Although everything was sunshine and roses for them at the moment, he also wanted her to open up to him.

Sy had spilled about his entire life in front of her. He did not want to keep secrets from her, and he wanted to know hers. His life was like an open book to her now but all he could do was read the title of hers. Liv was a closed off person, hiding behind snarky comebacks and friendly banter. Sy had tried asking about her life back home, but all he could gather was that she had a younger brother and her parents, all residing in New York.

He listened to her snore lightly as her arms fell down from around his neck. She felt feather light against his body, her lean thighs resting effortlessly over his thick ones. He couldn’t let her fall asleep on his lap for the night, but he decided to let her take a quick nap for a few minutes.

“You are so comfortable.” She mumbled after a few minutes. “Like a life-size teddy bear.”

Sy chuckled softly. Liv turned her face on his shoulder and started peppering kisses along Sy’s neck. He breathed in slowly, goosebumps rising on his arms. His shoulders were circled by Liv’s arms again, her hands resting lightly at the back of his neck. She left a wet trail of kisses from under his earlobe to the crook of his neck. Sy closed his eyes as desire stirred within him. He felt her breasts press against his chest as Liv arched her back while blowing her hot breath on his warm skin.

“Liv,” he drawled her name out. His hands rested on her waist pulling her closer to him.

Sy wanted to give his all to her. He wanted her to be his in ways more than one. But he knew so little about her. He wanted to connect to her, mind and body. Sy understood he was seen as someone who would sleep around, whoring his way around town. He was anything but.

“I don’t know anything about you.” He whispered out loud stilling Olivia in his arms.

She pushed herself away from him to stare at him. “What do you mean?”

Sy took a deep breath. He knew he would sound like an insistent, clingy boyfriend if he barraged her with questions about her life. Maybe it was too soon for them, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to know her.

“I don’t know where you live and I’m not talking about the city.” He adds as her mouth opens to interject. “What about your family? Your friends? Your life outside the army?”

“Where is this coming from?” She tilted her head to the side and rested her hands on his chest.

“I told you about my first time in high school and so many embarrassing childhood memories. Things I haven’t told anyone before. Things people don’t expect me to remember.” He shook his head at himself, overwhelmed by his own vulnerability.

Olivia’s eyes softened as he blabbered about himself. She placed a hand on his cheek, gently rubbing his soft beard. “I feel honored to know such private details about your life. I’m not hiding anything.” He leaned against her hand, nodding in agreement. “Okay, so, I live in Brooklyn, not with my family. I have a whole of two friends outside the army and one distant cousin in Minneapolis. Schmidt is my best friend, as you must have noticed, and I didn’t go to college because I joined the army right after I graduated from high school.”

“You didn’t go to college?”

“Did you?” Her eyes widened at him.

Sy rubbed the back of his neck and adjusted in his seat. “I have a degree in political science.” He watched Liv’s mouth drop open and she blinked several times.

“Wow. You just got a whole lot sexier, Captain Syverson.” She leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips. “Lot more intelligent than silly me.”

Sy laughed at her silliness. He placed both of his hands on her cheeks and gazed at her, his eyes tracing every details of her face. His thumb grazed over her lips. He felt content with the new information about her life, but a particular question kept nagging him. “Were you with anyone before me?”

He watched as she shifted awkwardly on his lap. Her eyes dropped down to focus on his chest, her mouth pressing into a thin line. He looked at her with expectant eyes practically hearing the wheels turning in her mind.

“Everyone has a past.” She said, the mirth in her voice disappearing with her finger twisting in his t-shirt. “Let’s just say, for now, I shouldn’t have messed with someone’s feelings and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Sy could see she was uncomfortable talking about it. She refused to look him in the eye while she spoke, fixating on tracing circles on his chest instead. He brought his finger under her chin to make her look up. Her eyes held veiled emotions, silently pleading him to not coax her into talking about it any further. He smiled at her softly, nudging her nose with his.

“Okay.” He whispered, pecking her lips reassuringly. “Now you should go to bed. Food truck retrieval tomorrow.”

Sy let Liv climb off his lap, an emptiness filling his being at the loss of warmth from her body. He raked his gaze over the curve of her body as she stretched her arms above her head.

“See you in the morning?” She asked, walking towards the door. Her hand rested on the latch, waiting for his answer.

Sy nodded at her, watching as she opened the door and walked out into the corridor. The bustling sounds of the camp greeted his ears, bringing him back to the present, away from the cocoon he had with Liv.

That was twenty hours ago. The scorching desert heat beat down on him as they hurriedly drove to Camp Warhorse. Sy ached for those hours now. He wanted nothing more than to share more about her life. Engulf himself in her presence again. Comms blaring, commands coming from every direction. The SOS message from Echo team assigned to the food truck still rang in his ears.

"Chopper hit. We're under attack."

Sy’s heart was beating in his chest, thumping against his ribcage. Their engines roared as he pressed down on the accelerator, blowing sand as his tires skidded along the dirt road.

Blood chilled in his veins when the second message came through, clear in the chaos.

"Repeat, under attack. 3 wounded. 1 KIA."

Chapter Seven>

🌟 Series Masterlist 🌟

[caatws]

ok but...I still stand by my head canon of Wanda watching sitcoms with Nat and maybe also Steve when she moved in with the avengers 😔

like nat just being like “sitcoms slap so I’ll watch with you” then she ropes Steve in under the guise of “you’re an uncultured swine from the pre-sitcom era so we need to fix you” and Wanda bonds with them through these sitcom watching sessions (that vision also occasionally partakes in) 😔😔

so when she comes to in a world in which all 3 of these people are gone forever after endgame, she wants nothing more than to go back to the way things were—immersing herself into a living, breathing sitcom world, to feel some semblance of normalcy after the few people she dared to let herself get close to disappeared 😔😔😔

[the-everlasting-dream]

The Phantom - Kenji x MC AU

Summary: Set after the events of Hero Book 1, Kenji finally locates an elusive murderer but nothing could prepare him for what he finds instead. 

A/N: My first time writing for Hero and Kenji so I apologise if I haven’t gotten the character quite right. This fic was sitting unfinished on my laptop for over 2 months, uninspired. I needed a deadline to kick my ass into finishing for Angst Day of the April Fan Challenge hosted by @laniquelove​ . I love Kenji dearly but this one really broke my heart to write so prepare yourselves

Prompt used will be highlighted in bold.

Word count: 4800+ Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Optional song accompaniment: Heartless - Kanye West Cover by Post Malone (love the original but Post’s has more of the soulful vibe I’m after)

Tags: @chantelle-x0x  @choicessa @topsyturvy-dream and @mariawalkerwrites coz I’ve been teasing this all month. 

It had been one year since Silas Prescott had unleashed his unstable Prism energy force on the city and while the rest of its population gradually recovered from the terror, Kenji Katsaros found himself in a stagnant loop, unable to move on from the disaster that had claimed the woman he cared for.  

As promised, Dax and Poppy began the search almost immediately for Alexa, scouring local and international satellites, monitoring Earth’s exosphere for any trace of Prism energy. Their efforts were greatly enhanced when Grayson offered his father’s facility for their operation but after 12 months with no result, the doubt began to settle in and they began to assume the worst. 

Meiko Katsaros noticed the change in her son first. She saw it in the way his usually bright eyes seemed to lose their fire, his trademark air of mischief seemed to have disappeared entirely. She saw it in the way he threw himself into his gym sessions - they'd never gone through so many punching bags in such a short time. She saw it every night as they had dinner together in the way Kenji would limply push his food across the plate until he realised she’d noticed, shovelling it into his mouth mindlessly and vanishing from the table before she could breech the subject. Meiko wished she could be there to comfort him but as DA, her job required her full attention especially after Silas' attack and with more people affected by the Prism's energy, the numbers of superhuman persons was at an all time high.  

At his mother’s behest, Kenji returned to his duties as manager of The Grand, more to please her than anything, assuming some semblance of normalcy but it was clear to his friends that he was no longer the same person. Things that had once brought amusement like dancing and partying were wasted on him as he dully moved through life, without vigour, a shell of his former self often to be found sitting in the recesses of the club, nursing an untouched whiskey.

The city now hailed Talos the Man of Bronze as some sort of hero after witnessing his actions that day. Law enforcement officials had contacted him regarding contractual work, wishing to work together to impede the steady rise of crime that unfolded in the wake of the disaster. Kenji readily threw himself into the task as it served a dual and somewhat oxymoronic purpose. It took his mind off his worries but in doing so he felt strangely closer to Alexa. 

I have to do this… It's what she would have wanted, he thought each time he threw himself into another mission. This is what she would be proud of. She had been a hero. She is a hero. I wish she could have been here to see it. 

Friday night at the Grand was in full swing and Kenji found himself in his usual booth. Earlier, several girls had approached him to dance, eager to get his number but he had politely turned them down, preferring his own thoughts to the loud atmosphere of the club. His brain returned to its usual patterns, thoughts of Alexa, of her whereabouts. 

Was she safe? Was she even alive? 

The sad knowing smile she gave him just before she vanished appeared once again in his mind along with each vivid detail of that fateful day that had been etched deeply on the surface of his brain. Not for the first time, he immersed himself in the memory.

Fuschia rays lit up the sky, beams of energy rippling across the scene. Several skyscrapers were on fire, the smoke rising gently above the chaos below. The salty taste of blood and metal mingled on his tongue as, screams, sirens, sounds of wreckage merging together in a horrific cacophony that grazed his eardrums, setting his teeth on edge. 

He had been too weak, powerless to do anything but watch as the madman that was Silas Prescott violently slam Alexa into pavement, the asphalt splintering under the impact. Arcs of magenta energy emanated from his form as he hammered his fists into her body. From somewhere on his left, Kenji vaguely heard Eva calling out. 

'Starfly!’

Anger raced through him as he shouted across the tumult. 

‘Get away from her!’ 

With great difficulty, Kenji pushed himself up onto an elbow before a stab of pain cut through his chest. Desperately shoving the sensation aside, he staggered to his feet before another blast of energy slammed into his torso, overwhelmed his body and he sank to his knees. The edges of his vision began to blur as the pinkish glow around Silas seemed to intensify ten times over. Alexa’s eyes found his own amidst all the chaos, her gaze holding a thousand unspoken words as her lips curved into a sad smile. As realisation dawned on him, Kenji started forward, ignoring the ripple of agony that coursed through his body, determined to get to her. 

‘Alexa no! There has to be another way!’

For a moment, he thought Minuet was using her abilities to slow down time as he watched the woman he cared so deeply for pull Silas up into the stratosphere, her figure gradually growing smaller and smaller as she disappeared into the clouds above them. Shortly after, a massive explosion unfolded from above, blinding beams of pink light piercing through the clouds. A soul-crushing, resounding howl of pain and loss ripped from Kenji's throat before his brain could register what was happening. 

NOOOO! 

His eyes frantically raked the boundless morning sky for that familiar black suit, searching for some sign, any sign that she was alright. Through the storm of emotions, he felt rather than saw Eva come up beside him.

‘Do you see her?’ His voice was a ragged mess as he struggled to his feet, his bronze exterior vanishing as he scanned the horizon. Time became foreign as Kenji fought waves of fatigue, blindly staggering through the carnage of the battle, searching for her in the rubble until he fell to his knees. Soft hands came to rest on his shoulders. 

‘Kenji… Kenji please. You can’t go on like this,’ Poppy’s soft voice broke through his frenzied state. ‘You’re exhausted. You need to rest.’

He cast his eyes to the sky, remembering Alexa’s dark ones burning into his before she sacrificed herself for the planet. ‘I-I need to find her Poppy… She has to be alive… I need to tell her...'

‘I know,’ Poppy soothed, running a hand across his bronze back. ‘I know. We will do everything to find her. But you need to come with me. You’ can’t help find her if you’ve collapsed with exhaustion.’

As much as Kenji hated to admit it, she had a point and the fatigue hit him as he struggled to his feet, allowing her to lead him away.

His phone chimed loudly, sending Kenji screeching back to the present and a glance at the brightly illuminated screen revealed a text message from Dax. 

Found the perp from the homicide. Sending the coordinates now.  

In an instant, he had grabbed his jacket and exited the building, fingers tapping out a quick reply.

On my way. 

A few weeks earlier there had been a murder of four of the city's biggest business tycoons after their embezzlement scandal that had put hundreds of employees out of a job, was uncovered. When the authorities had finally broken into their luxurious villas to arrest them, all the men were found dead, heads separated from their bodies by a few metres of space. One by one more of the city’s corrupt leaders and citizens were found dead in their homes after evidence of their deceit was exposed. 

The killer had executed their dark task with maximum prejudice and violence and when traces of Prism energy had been detected on the latest crime scene the police departments had immediately enlisted Talos on the case. Up till now, they had had no solid leads and law enfacement was reduced to grasping at straws, stray comments on online forums, scouring for hidden codes in text messages.  When the media discovered this, they'd a field day with the information, spinning tall tales of events that never happened, striking fear into the hearts of the citizens, awarding the menace a moniker of The Phantom. 

Kenji had been the murderer’s tail for over almost three weeks now but each time he got close they seemed to evade his reach. This was the strongest lead the team had ever picked up. If the information was held, he was close, so close to catching the bastard he could taste it on his tongue. 

He was not letting them get away this time. 

Touching the ear piece on the left side of his head, Kenji frowned, skeptically eyeing the decrepit steel warehouse before him. 'Dax you sure this is the place?'

The cool night air grazed his bronze form as he stared at the line of abandoned buildings at the docks edge, their silhouettes illuminated by the light of the pale full moon. The entire scene was eerily quiet save for water rippling gently against the jetties. A blueish hologram of the bushy haired lab assistant flickered up from the device on his bronze wrist. 

'About 87% sure Talos. Prism energy here is at an all time high here, too high for any Liquid Prism user and the readings only match perfectly with the ones of the crime scene.’ 

‘Huh..’ Kenji heard Poppy say. 'If I didn’t know any better I’d say it was..’

‘Focus Poppy!’ Dax snapped. 'We have a murderer to catch.'

Kenji grunted in response. 'That's good enough for me. I'm going in.'

'Be careful Kenji.' Poppy's voice was thick with worry. 

Brushing her words aside, he made for the building, ready to finally bring justice to the madman who had terrorised the city. 

The main door to the structure was padlocked with chains but Kenji located a small side door and pushed it open, wincing as the hinges creak loudly. Moonlight splintered through the steel plated walls and cracked window panes, illuminating the dust warehouse floor littered with haphazardly stacked wooden boxes and large misshapen pieces of metal. Kenji's foot brushed a pile of rusty chains and he winced as a metallic clink echoed through the building. Rounding a wall of boxes, he was about to abandon the search before he saw a pale stream of moonlight entering through the open skylight. 

A lone figure knelt in the square of light on lowest floor of the warehouse, a head of dark hair bowed, hands clenching in tight fists resting on bent knees. 

At the sight, cold anger swelled up inside Kenji, tickling the back of his throat and flooding his sinuses and he struggled to fathom how a maniac who had killed at least a dozen people in cold blood could sit to calmly so peacefully like that, with the knowledge that they had taken life from other human beings. Sure the victims had’t been completely innocent, he might almost go so far as to say they deserved it. Almost. 

While Kenji spared no drop of empathy for those businessman and media moguls who had been killed, his firm grip on morality reminded him that they had been human beings, like everyone else and there was no excuse for the violence that had brought them to their end.  

Gritted his teeth, Kenji wound up for a punch, his right arm morphing into a hammer-like appendage - an ability he’d developed during the last year to transform any part of his bronze form into an object he projected from his mind. Pure rage seethed through him and his muscles tensed to coordinate for the perfect surprise attack. He poised to leap out from his hiding place behind a wall of boxes, his brain already beginning the process of coordinating an ambush when a stray puff of wind rippled through the warehouse, gently shifting the greasy hair covering the killer’s face. Recognition jolted through him and Kenji willed himself to reverse the motion, his body fighting to stabilise as two opposing actions collided, throwing him off balance towards the floor. 

Her face. It was a face he knew, eyes he recognised, lips he’d kissed and caressed so lovingly.  

Alexa. 

Her name echoed in his mind with a new meaning almost as if her physical presence shook him out of the trance he had been in for the last 12 months. In that time Kenji’d pictured this encounter a thousand times, imagined each possible way it could play out in every moment waking or sleeping. He was too surprised to be angry, the adrenaline coursing through his veins temporarily keeping all the vast spectrum of emotions her presence had trigged at bay for now at least. His breath caught in his throat, a thousand questions swirling in his head. 

How did she survive? Where had she been all this time? Why didn’t she come back to the lab? What was she doing in this place? 

Unsure of what to say, Kenji hesitantly inched his way towards her, not caring to conceal the sounds his footsteps made against the dusty floor. Her eyes were downcast, and she did not make any move to acknowledge his presence. Only when he was a few metres away, did he dare to address her hesitantly. 

‘Alexa.'

Her name sounded so foreign on his tongue after a year of unease almost as if he had forgotten to how to pronounce it. 

‘WHAT?!?’ His friends voices overlapped as they shrieked their resulting surprise in his ear. With her gaze trained steadily on the floor beneath her, she snapped an arm up in his direction, fingers splayed outward, palm facing him as sparks of pink energy flickering dangerously between her digits. Kenji immediately froze, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. 

‘I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk.' 

Ignoring Dax and Poppy’s screeches of protest, he flipped the tiny switch on the earpiece, severing the connection. 

‘Just you and me. A-Are you okay?’ He asked, punctuating the question with a tentative step forward. She ignored his question and though her arm remained outstretched, pink lightning vanished. 

‘I’m gonna come closer now okay?,’ he told her, fighting to keep his voice even. When she made no move, he took a few steps closer to her kneeling figure. 

In this unstable state, Kenji had no idea what she would do and the last thing he wanted was to scare her off. Now that he was closer, he could see through her greasy strands of hair to the blue brown eyes underneath still fixated on the spot on the floor. The light from the full moon was sufficient enough to bring his attention to her familiar black suit now riddled with rips and what he suspected to be burn marks, judging from the angry raw flesh underneath. Static streaks of pink lightning sparked across her skin in wild unpredictable patterns, almost seeming to flow from within her person. 

Closer still and he could see the deep purple crescents under her eyes and his stomach dropped. Alexa’s true birth right as an alien was no secret to him, she’d confided in him about the real reason behind her enhanced endurance and capabilities. She was a strong woman and her powers only fortified her iron will and stubborn persistence. For her to end up here like this, so battered and ravaged, Kenji shuddered to think of the horrors she might have faced in the last year in whatever alien realm or cosmic continent she had disappeared to.  

He shivered at the weight of this thought and it took a physical effort for him to remove all such concerns, at least temporarily. Right now she needed him, she needed her friend, someone he could trust and Kenji cast aside his bronze form, the metal rippling back to expose his human flesh. A tiny voice warned him against doing so, issuing a tugging reminder of his original mission, about the murderer he was meant to be tracking but he forcefully silenced the thought. 

The one and only thing that mattered now was Alexa.  

Crouching down to her level, he was close enough to touch her now, barely an arm's distance away. As much as his hands screamed to touch her, to hold her, tell her it was ok, he fought against the instinct, partially in the interest of self preservation,  if he was being honest with himself. Even as Talos, he had barely been a match for her when she’d first discovered her powers and now Kenji shuddered to think what devastation Alexa could achieve with these newfound abilities. The bubbling sensation in his gut told him that it wouldn’t take much more than one hit from her pink lightning to knock him out. It was paramount that he did nothing to antagonising her in this fractured state. He had no idea what state her mind was in right now and could only imagine the fear and uncertainty she must be feeling. One false move on his part could scare her away and he’d lose her all over again. 

‘Alexa,’ Kenji gulped before beginning tentatively. ‘Alexa, you have to come with me. It's not safe here.’ 

She continued to stare at a crack in the concrete undeterred by his request. If it wasn’t for the twitch of her mouth, he’d assume she was ignoring him. 

Kenji tried again, becoming more and more aware of how exposed their position was and if anyone was lurking to attack they’d have a clear shot at them. He needed to persuade Alexa to leave or at least move to a more sheltered area. 

'There’s a murderer on the loose… they've killed over a dozen people and they could-‘  

'Murderer hmm? That's what they’re calling me now?’ 

Her voice was low and cracked almost as if she hadn’t used it in the entire year she’d been away. Or rather, Kenji realised, she’d used it too much, running it ragged from screaming until it escaped her in a rough croak. Her tone, however, was unmistakable, bordering somewhere between vague disinterest and amusement and the way she emphasised murderer was enough to made him bristle visibly. Why was it that word that broke her out of her trance? What was it about the word that suddenly prompted her to acknowledge him? 

'Alexa what do you mean?’ Kenji questioned, not comprehending her meaning. 'No one’s called you a murderer? Silas’ death was not your fault.' 

She raised her head at the remark. Her stormy eyes stared blankly into his, looking at Kenji for the first time in a year. He marvelled again at the unique combination of green and brown in her irises, one of the first things he’d noticed about her. Her gaze now was obstructed partially by the grimy strands of black hanging limply from her scalp but the look held within was unmistakable.

'A-Alexa?’ He stammered, as the neurons in his brain kicked into overdrive, scrambling to put together the pieces as a surge of doubt rose up in his chest welled up.   

Kenji shook his head violently as if the very action could expel the notion from his mind and undo the countless atrocities she was alluding to have committed. He refused to admit it. 

Because it just wasn’t true! 

This was Alexa he was talking to. His Alexa. 

The thought stunned him. He’d never called her that, never once in his mind or out loud and certainly not to her face. While the thought prompted feelings of tenderness and nostalgia, Kenji found it hard to stomach either of the as he frantically searched her eyes for some remorse, a shred of regret, anything to reassure him that he’d read it wrong, that actually it wasn’t her after all, it was an accident, she hadn’t meant to do it. It was all a misunderstanding because she wasn’t a murderer, she just couldn’t be. He felt sick to the stomach instantly. 

A deeper horror replaced the initial shock as Kenji watched Alexa’s left eyebrow lifted ever so slightly, throwing out a challenge in the subtle move, daring him to think differently. 

She’d done it. She’d killed those people. 

She was the murderer.

It seemed to press on his chest, constricting his lungs until his breath came out in haggard gasps. Kenji didn’t know what was worse, the fact that she’d done it or that she was proud of what she’d done. He struggled to keep his composure to keep himself from shouting, from grabbing her to yell why, how could she have done this? 

His face must have betrayed him because Alexa's lips had just begun to curl up into a terrifying smile almost as if she was taking pleasure in watching him squirm. The muscles of her jaw unclenched in preparation to speak when-

BEEP BEEP

Both sets of eyes flew immediately to the communications device on his wrist where the blue hologram of Poppy began to take form. Her voice flowed in through Kenji’s earpiece and he cursed once, realising Dax must have had deliberately reactivated their comm line. 

'Sorry to interrupt Talos.’ His friend's tone was apologetic and one glance at Alexa told him that she was using her super hearing to listen in on the conversation. 

His gaze focused once more on the hologram and his friend's dishevelled appearance before he realised something must have been very wrong for Poppy Patel to be wearing torn clothes. 

'There's been another attack on the nano science labs here at Prescott Industries,’ her voice was shaky as she spoke. 'I know you’re in the middle of something important but they’ve got guns and are all enhanced on Liquid Prism.' 

Poppy’s voices took on a desperate tone now. 'There are seven of them and they’ve got Dax and the other scientists locked away in the simulation room. I don’t know where Grayson or Eva are but I managed to get out and get to the lab. Please Kenji! We need yo-'

Poppy’s blue silhouette fizzled once before disappearing as the feed cut out. Kenji leapt to up, adrenaline coursing through him as his eyes flew across the room, searching for the nearest exit, scrambling to calculate how quickly he could get to his friends. 

In a heartbeat, Alexa was on her feet next to him, her voice leaden as she stated. ‘I’m coming with you.’

‘No way!' Kenji protested, looking at her as if she was out of her mind. After what she had just revealed to him, there was no way in hell he’d allow her to come along. 'Thats not an option. Not in your current state.’ 

She ignored his protest, glaring ahead, her face devoid of emotion. 'They must be purged. The only way is to eliminate them. Permanently.’ 

‘What?’ He snapped, whirling around to look at her. For a brief moment he thought she was playing a cruel joke on him but one look at her stony expression put that thought to rest. 

'Alexa do you even hear yourself?’ He questioned, refusing to believe what he had just heard. 'You’re not actually suggesting to kill them are you?'

'What other option is there?' 

Her suggestion burned in his ears as Kenji stared at her in horror. The way she said it made the idea seem so simple, as if it was a casual comment or remark. He could never imagine such words to come from the Alexa he’d known. She’d never trivialise something as important as peoples lives, no matter who or what they had done.

'They don’t deserve to live.’ He heard her say, her voice echoing hollowly through the empty warehouse. 

She couldn’t do this, he wouldn’t let her. He wouldn’t standby and watch as she murdered more people. That alone was enough to break him out of the trance her words had trapped in and he finally found his voice. 

'Maybe not but its not up to you to decide that,’ he pleaded, hoping, praying that she would come to her senses. 

Alexa scoffed bitterly, settled her stormy grey gaze on him. ‘Everyone has their vices, darling, at least mine do some damn good around here.’ 

‘Vices?’ Kenji gasped raggedly, shocked that such words could come from his friend, the woman he deeply cared for. ‘Arrogance is a vice, drinking too much is a vice. Killing people isn’t a vice Alexa! I don’t care what you've done, no hero should ever—’

Her voice was as sharp as steel, silencing him, cutting through his protests with frightening precision. ‘Well there’s your first mistake. Who ever said I wanted to be a hero?’

That voice cut Kenji to his core, like a diamond knife heated precisely, deliberately to the melting point of bronze stabbed into his chest to its intended destination, his heart and he recoiled from it as if she’d physically struck him. Memories of times shared with her came flooding back through the chaos churning inside him. Alexa couldn’t have forgotten. Even if she didn’t want to remember, he did and he be damned if he failed to convince her otherwise. 

‘You did Alexa! You said that yourself! You used to save people. That's what heroes do. What you did! You saved us all from Silas last year and-

‘Look how that turned out,’ she hissed, her face morphing into an ugly sneer so intense that Kenji actually took a step away from her. 

Despite her protests, Kenji still believe that the woman he loved was there. She had to be there. She just needed to be reminded of who she was.

'Come home with me Alexa. Come home please! We can sort this out. I know we can!' As Kenji said this he placed a hand on her arm, touching her for the first time. 

Faster than lightning, her arm shot out against his chest, shoving him hard and his reflexes barely had time to summon his bronze form before his body hit the warehouse wall, hard. Kenji could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth, his vision swimming, barely able to register Alexa's dark figure standing over him.  

'Don't you see?’ She snarled, her voice rising over the ringing in his ears. 'I did go home! And all they did was make me into a monster. There's so much you don’t understand, so much I’ve done. There’s no going back for me now.’ 

Before Alexa could walk away, Kenji latched on to her leg, pouring all his strength into the grip, even though he knew he couldn’t hold her back. ‘Alexa, please you don’t believe that. You can’t believe that. Please.' 

'Let me go Katsaros. Before you make me do something you'll regret,’ she spat venomously. 

Kenji’s sharp intake of breath could be hear throughout the warehouse when she said his name. 

'Then do it!' He pleaded, voice high in desperation. 'I don’t care what happens to me if it will bring you back. The city needs you back! Your friends Grayson, Dax, Eva, Poppy they were all looking for you everyone was looking for you. I just need you back Alexa.’ 

His legs swayed against empty air as she seemed to rise above him and he tightened his grip on her leg as she began to hover higher and higher, passing through the open skylight.    

'The Alexa you knew is not coming back,’ she informed him coldly as their altitude increased until the entire city sprawled out below them. 'She died when Silas blasted her into oblivion. You’re nothing but a fool chasing a fantasy.' 

Kenji’s hold faltered slightly and his muscles burned, using all his energy to clutch her leg.‘No! I refuse to believe that. My Alexa is still in there. If that makes me a fool so be it!' He declared before his breath caught and he choked out the next words. 'I love you so much, I'd be willing to die for you.'

Alexa halted their ascent, her piercing stare cutting through whatever resolve he had left. Of all the weapons she’d attacked him with, her silence, her blatant refusal to speak was the most violent. 

At this, something inside Kenji just… broke…

It was unspeakable torture to look into the eyes of the woman you had confessed your love for and find nothing but cold distaste and repulsion. His arms screamed as he struggled to keep his grip, trying to find some purchase, some reassurance to fortify his convictions but there was none. Space had chewed up the woman he loved, disgorging this cold-hearted, malevolent creature in her place instead.  

Even as he fell, Kenji's eyes remained on her retreating figure. Without so much as a second glance, the Phantom soared upwards, disappearing into the night. She wasn’t his to claim, never was and from the last look in her eyes, she never would be. 

She truly was an alien to him now... 

[sapphicalexaandra]

Your Deepest Desires (1/4)

Pairing: Jace/Alec

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Summary:  The meeting with the Seelie Queen didn't go as planned, and now Jace and Alec have to face the consequences of their awakened feelings.

Notes: A Canon Divergence, rewriting of the Seelie Court kiss (and beyond), but with Jalec. Read tags for further information. 

Chapter 1

“Is it fair, or is it fate?”

“Not so fast.”

Before any of them could make a move or realize what was going on, vines – thick, thorny, deadly-looking – sprouted from the earth and went to coil themselves around them. Not all of them. 

Simon, Jace and Magnus were trapped in a matter of seconds, bodies, hands and necks tightly constrained by a spiral of vines.

Clary and Alec found themselves free, however. Shouting in protest at their friends’ captivity, they turned towards the smiling, petite figure of the Seelie Queen.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t try to struggle too much…the vitis veritas answers only to me. And you really thought I’d let you go without getting nothing in return? My, my, such guests….”

“No reason to get so violent about it, Your Majesty,” came the strained voice of a struggling Jace trying to fight with his constraints. The more he moved, the more tightly the plants coiled around him, till he became very red in the face.

Clary and Alec shared a look, to acknowledge their confusion for their freedom as well as the fact that they were now the only people standing between the Queen and their friends.

(He always found himself teamed up with the little girl, for some reason, mused Alec.)

He nodded at Clary anyway, urging her to stay on the ready. He would’ve very much liked to advise her to keep her antagonizing look down by a notch, but he couldn’t afford that at the moment.

Stiffly, but trying to not look it, Alec turned his attention to their guest once more. He must not have the situation escalate further.

“Your Majesty, what is your request?” he asked, the more politely he could muster over the alarm he felt in his bones.

He knew that behind the innocent façade the Seelie Queen was dangerous, in a cold, calculated way, in her carelessness for anything mortal…so he had to study his every move.

The entire team stopped struggling to listen intently to the Queen’s words.

She smiled sweetly, if that was possible.

“A kiss,” her voice reverberated throughout the entire chamber, “is all I require.”

Alec blinked. Between all the scenarios he had been thinking up, that wasn’t one of them.

Sharing another dumbfounded look with Clary, he turned towards their equally surprised friends to inconspicuously survey their states of distress, as Clary spoke: “Do you want one of us to kiss you?”

Alec looked back at the Queen. He was the new appointed Head of the New York Institute, he was responsible for this meeting as well as for the lives of his team, the stability of a peaceful relationship with the Downworld hindering on this very moment...but he really hoped beyond hope that the fall wouldn’t be on him. He had had his fair share of public kisses worth a lifetime, thank you very much.

A trilling laugh was the only thing heard from the Queen. As it went on for longer than it'd be comfortable, the air surrounding them became even tenser, and Alec ached for his bow, left outside in the hands of the Seelie guards.

“Oh no, the kiss is not for me, it is for you.”

She looked pointedly at Alec and Clary.

Wait, she couldn’t mean…

Like she had read his thoughts, Clary turned towards him with eyes as big as saucers.

Could she had singled them out because of that? Please, no…

Alec swore he heard Jace snort behind them, the idiot.

“No,” the Queen looked to be enjoying herself immensely, “the kiss is not between you two, even if that’d be…interesting…” She giggled, for once really selling the part of the prepubescent child.

Thank god, thought Alec anyway.

(If only he had known…)

Suddenly, the ground started trembling and shifting beneath them once more. New panic enveloped Alec as Simon, Jace and Magnus, still in constraints, were darted by the moving vines half across the room.

“Please, don’t hurt them!” shouted Clary.

“We will do what you ask!” pleaded Alec, half shouting as well.

“Of course, you will,” came the brisk reply of the Queen. And in the blink of an eye, beneath her child-like feature, her child-like behavior, the iron-grip was visible again, making it impossible to believe in everything that was happening as just a cruel, voyeuristic joke. Because it clearly wasn’t.

Two paths punctuated by leaves had created in front of Alec's and Clary’s feet. Half way, they each separated into three more paths leading to the frustrated hostages, with which they shared pained looks. Simon looked nervous. Magnus looked furious. Jace seemed determined to not give the Queen the entertainment she desired.

“Let’s play a game, shall we?” continued her. “You two.”

Alec and Clary reluctantly turned at her words yet again.

“You’ll have to kiss one of them.”

That couldn’t be as easy at is sounded, reflected Alec apprehensively.

“Which – which one, Your Majesty?” asked Clary. Her stubborn look was back, as she stared directly into the Queen’s eyes; only the hesitancy in her voice hinted at her real feelings.

“Oh, you’ll have to decide that.” She cocked her head to one side. She is the puppet master, Alec couldn't help but think, and we are her puppets. “Both of you, walk through the aisles, and when you get to the crossroad…you’ll have to make your choice. The kiss that will set them free is the kiss you most desire...but only one kiss must happen. You’ll have to decide which one of you desires that kiss the most.”

Alec tried to wrap his head around all of that. Whoever…desires the kiss the most…will have to kiss who they desire the most? Why must Seelies always be so cryptic?

He found Clary’s perplexed gaze once more. What kind of day were they having?

“But how can one quantify that?” Alec started tentatively. The thought was seriously nagging at him. “How can we know who desires the kiss the most? It’s…it’s an impossible task what you ask us, Your Majesty.” Alec hoped she would listen to reason.

“Oh, that’s not my problem. It will have to be yours. And if you don’t choose right…you can very well say goodbye to your friends.”

There it is. The ball had dropped.

 Alec closed his eyes for a moment.

“But! But you can’t ask us –!”

He held out a hand towards Clary to stop her words.

“We will!” Alec quickly covered for her. The Queen had seemed ready to explode at Clary’s disrespect. “We will do as you wish, Your Majesty,” he added, trying to express a confidence in his words that he wasn’t feeling.

“Go on, then.” All the playfulness had gone from her words. She waved an impatient hand their way, urging them.

Alec went to grab Clary by the arms to face her. “We’ll get through this, okay? We’ll – we’ll figure it out. One step at a time, alright?”

Clary nodded, swallowing down her nerves. “I guess…we’ll just have to feel it, don’t we?” There was a hint of a smirk on her face.

Mundanes (or ex-mundanes) and their feelings. Alec hadn’t hated having them as well more in his life.

(That wasn’t exactly true – not then, surely not later.)

He rolled his eyes at Clary. Any semblance of normalcy was welcome at this point.

They positioned themselves in front of the paths. The three at the other end were looking very pale and somber right now.

They still all nodded in reassurance. Alec tried to draw strength from his boyfriend’s determination that he could see in his eyes (it must be so hard for him, not being able to use magic to snap them all out of there…), and from the faith he could feel coming from his parabatai bond like warming waves of deep-seethed trust. He didn’t know if he deserved it right now. He really didn’t know what they were going to do.

“If we had to take a guess though, I’ve known Simon for basically my entire life,” Clary said, as she pointedly looked at her boyfriend, sending him a reassuring smile.

“Well, but you have been with him less that I’ve been with Magnus, don’t you think?” he shot back. He saw Magnus grin back at him.

“But that’s not really how–”

“More quickly, if you don’t mind.” It was clear the Queen was the one who minded. “Actually, I’m feeling generous. I will facilitate this for you.”

The lights in the chamber abruptly lowered, and they were immersed in a nerve-wrecking semi-light coming from the now fluorescent paths in front of them.

Seelies had too much free time on their hands, clearly.

“Love is brighter in the dark*, as they say. Why such somber faces? You should be thanking me. Go on, close your eyes and let your deepest desires guide you. And you will know the answer.”

She giggled some more. She seemed to be laughing at something only she knew. Shockingly, none of this quenched Alec’s nerves. She was at her own private theater, enjoying a show of her own creation. It couldn’t end well. One wrong move…

They took a tentative step forward.

“We can do this. I guess…at the end whoever feels they want to do it the most should be the right answer, right? And that person will have to step forward.” Clary’s reasoning wasn’t entirely bad.

“Let’s hope so.”

Let’s not think about having to kiss as a spectacle in front of a self-complacent Queen and her court. It was better if he started ignoring their presence straight away. Think about what you’re trying to do for the Downworld…this will have to be worth it, for the Queen’s, if not trust, at least agreement to future collaborations.  

They started walking slowly.

He needed something to ground him, so Alec chose to look at Magnus, who nodded at him with warmth in his eyes, and Alec felt sure for a moment that it would all go alright. He felt his resolve strengthen. He had this.

Everything was quiet, so damn quiet, Alec could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He was almost at the crossroad. He could do this, it wouldn’t be a problem, he just had to focus on –

Your deepest desires.

He felt his heart skip a beat. He was at the converging paths.

Let your deepest desires guide you... or you can very well say goodbye to your friends…

The words of the Queen echoed strangely in his mind, and he suddenly just…couldn’t breathe.

The kiss that will set them free…

Images, first confused, then clearer and clearer, had started to twirl in front of his eyes. Alec felt himself stop on his tracks without having consciously given his body the command.

…is the kiss you most desire.

Alec felt his vision go completely blurry. He could’ve very well been the one with deadly vines wrapped around his neck.

This…this can’t be happening.

Yet, his eyes started moving on their own accord, no matter how much he wanted to scream to tell them to stop. Sliding down the fluorescent lines before his boyfriend, who he vaguely noticed was looking at him worriedly, they reached Alec’s own feet. Another two paths started from there.

He, stubbornly, tried to resume the steps he had meant to take. This wasn’t happening. He went to put a foot forward.

He – he couldn’t.

He couldn’t go on.  

“Alec, what’s wrong?”

His blood was boiling. Something like a flame, an old feeling, an impossible feeling, was forming and mounting in the pit of his stomach, inexorably, inescapably.

Alec slowly raised his eyes towards who had spoken.

Jace.

“No one knows.”

Jace should’ve known – he knew, that dealing with Seelies was never a simple matter.

Alec had scheduled the meeting, as the new Head of the New York Institute, with the Seelie Queen to discuss recent events, like the fact that one of her subjects had been causing havoc between Shadowhunters and Downworlders by making it look like her kills were the start of a Downworlder uprising. They needed to know if the Queen had had any hand in that, and Alec had hoped the Seelie’s impossibility to lie was going to prevail over her ability to manipulate the truth. It was a delicate, crucial task.

Magnus had chosen to come along for magical support. Jace and Clary had been requested, as Valentine’s experiments, and so had been the daylighter. Such they all went, crossing into the Seelie realm into an eerie, misleadingly calm forest.

The meeting hadn’t started well and it sure as hell didn’t end well.

The Queen, an ancient creature who had chosen to bear the looks of a child, had been cryptic and avoidant. Much time was wasted trying to courtesy to her needs, walking on egg shells in fear of angering or upsetting her. Simon had been a right nuisance in that department; Jace still wondered the exact need the Queen had had of him.

At some point, she had taken aside Magnus and Simon for some private discussions, and Jace, Alec and Clary had in the meanwhile agreed on ending their visit as soon as possible. They had managed, at least, to learn that the Queen wasn’t an accomplice in the murders; that would be enough for now.

When they had tried, as properly and respectfully as possible, to take their leave, that was when the hell had started.

Being tied, rather painfully, by a glorified rope at the end of a glittering path where he would have to witness a kiss – either one it ended up being – he really didn’t care to witness (again, he might add), was not the kind of day Jace had imagined having. No matter how much he had prepared for trickery coming from their guest.

Alec and Clary were slowly making their way towards them and Jace could feel the tension deep in his bones. One wrong move…and the three of them were dead.

“Just lovely,” he mumbled crossly.

“Tell me about it,” was Magnus's equally frustrated comment; his hands were specifically tied together behind his back. He, at least, had something to look forward to, though, mused Jace. If it didn’t end up in death, that is.

“I bet you’re regretting being a daylighter now, aren’t you, Simon?” Jace couldn't help but turn and tease the vampire. If he managed to dissolve the tension, they should only be thanking him.

“Do you think this is the right time to be mean to me, really?” came Simon's pouting reply. Classic.

Jace was distracted from his attempt at amusing himself, however, by the resounding waves of anxiety and trepidation coming to him from his parabatai. That sensation went on to set heavily on him, so much that he could feel it strangling him more than the vines were doing.

Jace couldn’t afford to doubt Alec and Clary in that moment; he wouldn’t doubt their ability to work together. They might be both too stubborn and prickly with one another, but at the end of the day they’d come through. He knew it. And he had already laid out his life for Alec to take and protect with his own, forever, a long time ago. He tried to convey all this to him, through the paths connecting them via their bond. He would’ve smiled at him if Alec hadn’t been looking at Magnus, the fact strangely irritating him.

Seriously, though, Jace’s presence there was entirely superfluous. He could’ve easily waited outside while his ex-sister (and ex-ex) and his parabatai chose who had to kiss their boyfriend in front of a room full of ogling seelies. He could’ve been spared the near-death experience, but, he guessed, where would the fun had been in that for the Queen.

Unless…but Clary wouldn’t. She had told him in no unclear words, as well as he himself had seen it, that she was happy with the nerd vamp Simon. Right now, she was anxiously but surely walking towards him with all the abandon in this world. She didn’t desire Jace in that way anymore.

Did he, though, still? Once upon a time, certainly…but in those circumstances, he wouldn’t desire the kiss. In that moment, he felt it far away from his main concerns.

Jace found himself turning his eyes away from Clary and towards Alec. Two public kisses in so many months…he personally didn’t care, but Alec was a very sensitive and reserved person. Jace felt real hot anger burning in him then, and he wished he could do more than glare at the gleeful form of the Queen watching attentively, who dared cause such discomfort to his parabatai.

He was teared away from his musing by a new, sudden, harsh sensation, that he realized a second later was still coming from Alec. It caught Jace completely off guard, as it took ahold of him. He saw how Alec abruptly stopped in his tracks, looking positively green, so much that he could’ve confounded himself with the surroundings. And that sense of dread…it was far, far stronger than it was a moment before, and it was keeping Alec rooted in place, completely frozen.

Why? What had happened?

 “Alec, what’s wrong?” Jace asked him, worry embedded in his words.

Clary had stopped too, already with a foot towards Simon (Jace had seen right, but, strangely enough, the thought didn’t even begin to cause him any distress), and was looking back as well, confused, at Alec. She must have noticed the green complexion too.

It seemed to pass an eternity before Alec slowly, very slowly, raised his eyes and looked straight at Jace. The expression on his face made the latter raise his eyebrows even more. He was feeling a real hurricane of emotions coming from Alec, yet he couldn’t tell what was going on. It was all too jumbled and too much, and his heart started beating very fast, the now exponential uncertainty of the situation making it hard to breathe.   

A giggle…no, a full-blown laugh, suddenly erupted from the other end of the room. It was more than the Queen had ever laughed so far, and that said a lot. Jace felt his head spinning. What was she planning now?

Jace looked on his left at Magnus, to see what he would say of the situation. Magnus’s face was a blank expression. He purposefully didn’t look back at him.

Something was edging at the back of Jace’s mind, on the verge of surfacing. But right then, the vines around his neck tightened even more. He couldn’t grab them with his hands to try and loosen them a bit, so he was left gasping for breath, the sharp thorns digging into his flesh. His companions weren’t in a better situation.

Alec seemed to come out of a daze, starting to frantically look at their struggles, his eyes darting back and forth between him and Magnus without seeming to settle.

…wait.

“Choose, then! Or they will be dead, dead, dead, very soon,” came the ringing, childish voice of the Queen.

Alec closed his eyes, his face scrunched in a pain rarely seen in him, and just as Jace was starting to finally catch on, he saw his parabatai take a final breath…and come striding towards him.

…oh.

Alec was staring right at him, eyes wide, panicked, apologetic…and as he felt the vines loosening, Jace couldn’t mask the shock and trepidation from his face as well.

Oh.

Alec was always the cautious one, the level-headed one, so either he did everything with exceptional study…or he plunged right into what he couldn’t control.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, from the moment Jace realized, to when he saw, to when he felt Alec’s hands cup his face and his lips crush on his.

The rough first contact felt oh so desperate, an unceremoniously rushed affair, yet it was – engulfing.

Time seemed to slow down then, and Jace found himself inexplicably lost; in the moment, in the body pressing against him as if its life depended on it, in the lips moving on his with such an indescribable want that made him open his mouth to them in a relenting gasp, to savor it all better, deeper. Their tongues grazed each other, and a chill spread throughout Jace’s entire body.

At the back of his mind, Jace knew where he was, that they were committing one of the most sacred and inadmissible crimes for any Shadowhunter who had a parabatai…

Yet, in that moment, he couldn’t have cared less. Alec’s lips were unrelenting against his own, and he tasted sweet, softer than he would’ve thought. Jace felt more and more intoxicated every second that went by. When he went to hold Alec a little tighter to himself, Jace realized he had put his arms around him in the first place.

It was Alec. He was uninhibitedly kissing Alec. He should’ve stopped – yet, again, he couldn’t find it in himself to find the oddness, or the wrongness, or any reason in it, for why it shouldn’t be the rightest thing they could be doing right then and there. The place, the crowd, the fatality of the moment didn’t matter.

When more shivers ran through him, he let them, a pleasure starting from the tip of his toes, through all the places where he could feel the pressure of Alec’s body against his, to the skin deliciously brushing against skin, till the hands that were still firmly but tenderly cradling his head.

Every one of his nerve endings was on fire, and he could feel that same fire reverberating just as well in Alec. They had never been more in sync, not even in battle. He could feel every emotion, every sensation, passing from one of them to the other.

He – they – felt joyous. All the fear and anxiousness forgotten, he – they – felt euphoric. Yet, a sadness permeated.

Why was he sad?

Jace started opening his eyes, while their lips finally, reluctantly, parted. They were still breathing the same electric air, and his mouth was already starting to tingle, aching at the loss of contact.

He looked up at Alec – it was strange, looking up after a kiss, yet it had that very same rightness to it Jace couldn’t explain to himself in that moment – and what he found there…shocked him to the core more than anything else.

Alec’s eyes were boring into his own, so intensely, so deeply, so��lovingly, he felt blinded by it for a second…but his expression was also one of sorrow. Jace thought he could see some dampness. That expression lasted no more than a blink of an eye.

After that, he was back in the reality. Jace could feel the ground under his feet again, and he could take in the uncomfortable, averting looks of their friends, of Alec’s boyfriend.

Knowing his face must’ve looked entirely star-struck, Jace still couldn’t bring himself to divert his attention from Alec. He felt like he should say something, anything that would ease his turmoil, or give some sense to what had just happened.

He was left with his mouth gaping open, however, as Alec, like from being burned, forcefully took his hands away from him and, not looking at anyone, bolted out of the room.

Nobody was moving.

“Alec!” Jace called out after him, still staring at the spot he had just vanished in.

The Queen was talking to someone, he heard something on the line of “You see, Shadowhunters will always choose their own kind…” said in such a grave tone that would’ve peaked his concern in any other circumstances, but he couldn’t think, he had to get to Alec, he couldn’t just let him go away like that!

“Let him go,” tried to stop him the strained voice of Magnus.  But Jace was already halfway out of the room as he breathlessly shot back, “No, I won’t,” and followed his parabatai’s footsteps. No one else tried to stop him.

Outside, in the shadow of trees and the eerie silence of the Seelie realm, there was no one to be found.

“Alec! Alec, wait!” he tried shouting to the emptiness surrounding him.

His parabatai, the person who mattered the most to him in this world, had just revealed his deepest desire (yet again) in front of everyone, he had just kissed him with such abandon, with everything he had, and now all Jace could feel from his end of their bond was grief, humiliation, desperation more than he’d ever felt… and he couldn’t give up until he made sure Alec was okay again.

Pushing down his own turmoil that he could feel hitching to come to the surface, Jace started to run.