#and weirdly defines like her whole identity on that

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hiiii I just finished reading the tale of the cursed raven and wanted to share a few of my thoughts because it's haunting my mind <3

First of all, I really love how much the writing fits in the canon narrative!! It is very similar that it is immersive, I can really tell how much you understand the world and the characters (which is kind of a given because everyone uses you like twst yahoo answers but still /lh). Turning the fates into idols? The whole beauty and the beast part of the plot? Everything just fits so smoothly

Speaking of the characters, I really adored every single one of them!! Kon my boy <3 I think it was such a creative way to use the npcs and show how they are still people with their own stories. Also Crowley being a fail dad ��😭😭 he made me laugh many times thorough the series but also enjoy his bond with Raven. And this applies in general for every time you write him but I really love Idia's appearances!! He's not even one of my favorites but i always find him and his misery very entertaining (sorry Idia). And not Azul and Floyd eavesdropping and playing matchmakers LMAO I really imagined them with their ears flat against the wall listening

It was overall a very enjoyable read!! now, if I might be so bold to ask... (Hold your quill and papers please) Since you said Leona has taken Rook's place in your favorites, how would you have included him in the narrative? That's all, thank you so much for reading my yapping

[ Referencing this series! ]

ndahakzbaAbag 🧍‍♂️I wanted to have Raven develop over the course of the main story so I included references to the events happening around her whole she’s going about her life. This, along with the mob students being shown to have lives of their own, was meant to contribute to the idea of everyone being connected in the story. They are all components of each other’s stories. For Miss Raven, who struggles so much to define her own identity and to have confidence in who she is (not to mention the existentialism), this is something vital she has to recognize before she can become a better version of herself. I wanted it to all connect!!

I wrote the series over the course of a few years so 😅 I think my understanding and depiction of the world + characters actually isn’t super accurate (especially in the earliest years, when we had the least amount of lore on the cast). It improved over time with the more info we got, but there are definitely spots I would rewrite if given the chance. Weirdly enough, even if the writing is imperfect, I think this adds to the charm. While Miss Raven is growing and becoming more confident of a writer, the writing (which you could interpret as her penning her own tale) unintentionally also becomes more refined.

I can’t take credit for the Fates being idols; that’s actually canon to Twst—they’re stated to be Idia’s favorite group. I only take credit for my interpretation of the Fates and now I wait for Twst to formally introduce them to us and thus shatter my version of canon/j ^^ I love incorporating other fairy tales, myths, and folklore into my writing and drawing parallels between those classics and the current events. I find it creates a fuzzy “I just woke up and I’m not sure if I’m remembering all the details in my dream correctly” mood. That’s my writing style’s signature, I guess www

I unironically wrote Kon as a one-off character but I became endeared to him and thought he fit well in the story I wanted to tell!! So I made him a recurring character who is viewing Raven’s story from a limited perspective. I think it helps to enhance the idea that we may not always totally understand what someone may be going through, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still get along or support one another. Everyone is a NPC to others, but they’re also the main character of their own stories just going about their days and seeing the world through the only POV they know—their own. You can see how it both limits you (Kon cannot see Raven’s POV) but also helps you (Kon has access to knowledge Raven doesn’t).

Crowley was really fun to write as a failing girldad… I think a lot of his appeal comes from being pathetic and sort of lazy, so I wanted to remain authentic to that when writing him raising a child. At the same time. Crowley does mean well and worries for the kids under his care. He was the silliest but also the most heartwarming to write, easily being able to pull off both. I really love him and Raven trying to do their utmost together. I’m glad that you feel the same way!!

xhaksnskxvksN I barely remember what Idia did and/or said in the series… I just recall cringing a little when I wrote his dialogue because I had to offload a lot of gamer or otaku lingo every time. And yes dnsvwhjw Azul and Floyd constantly looming and sticking their noses where they don’t belong always made me giggle too. Board Game Club built different— In hindsight, it’s funny how I made the dorm leaders like Idia super minor supporting characters or comic relief (like Azul). It just goes to show that framing and perspective are super important for how a story is presented!!

Thank you so much for the detailed and glowing review 😭 You’re a star, seriously 🌟

Now, for your question 👀 prepare for another long-winded ramble—

Leona’s relationship with Raven is like an inreverse of Jade’s. Around the time when Raven learns of Jade’s betrayal (Feburaryish) is also when her originally lowkey hostile relationship with Leona improves to a tentative friendship. (More details on that here!) In fact, book 5’s culture festival is when Raven and Leona finally “hang out” for the first time as (kind of) friends.

Assuming that Leona is the one who finds Raven crying after learning about The Truth 🙂‍↕️ I’d see him trying to console her but in a sort of… gruff and callous way?? Like the way he communicates it gives the impression he is annoyed by having to give advice, but deep down he does care. Maybe he’d pull a Hades-coded line like “I can’t believe you’re getting so worked up about some guy” “Men ain’t shit”/j and tell her to pick herself up/stop wallowing and get over it already because she “doesn’t need him (Jade)” and “can’t let him get in her head like this”. bdjsvsjskenHE SOUNDS LIKE A TOUGH ONEESAN bESTIE THAT CHERrS YOU UP AfTER -a BAD bTEAKUP…

Leona would keep an eye on her after that incident, albeit not in a super obvious way since he’s concerned about maintaining his reputation. Just kinda observing and occasionally asking what Raven’s been doing whenever she drops by to grab him for class or right after a dorm leaders’ meeting (she’s present to take notes). He’ll always claim he doesn’t care but he’s also the first to encourage her to rebel against an unfair system/world that seeks to control her and simply do her own thing he’s a bad influence/j. Leona would thus serve a similar role as Rook did in the original, watching from afar and providing support when needed. The key difference is that Rook provides unconditional love and positivity, whereas Leona’s more grounded and cynical.

I don’t see Leona going out of his way to do favors for Raven or to treat her extra nice, nor would he outright threaten Jade to keep his distance. Leona knows when he isn’t needed too—he doesn’t want to do extra work or to insert himself and act like he knows what’s best for his… gal pal (?). He’s still sorting out his own feelings at this time too. It’s not until post book 6 (which ends a few days after book 5) that Leona figures it all out. Then, of course, he’s left with the uncertainty of what to do next because he knows his friend is still hurting and doesn’t want to make this about himself + disrupt the relationship they currently have.

Towards the last quarter of the saga, I can imagine Leona and Jade butting heads or having more direct confrontations, with each boy representing a different path or ideology Raven could go down. Jade is what Raven already knows, the past, traditionalism and security. Leona is what she is just discovering, the future unknown, and recklessness or rising up.

The ending would probably be more ambiguous. I think I’d still keep in Raven’s reconciliation with Jade, but then add a scene where she’s catching up with Leona and he points out she seems a little different than usual. “What’s up with that? Something happen to ya lately?” And then maybe Raven could say something like she feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. That way, the story ends with the idea that she’s liberated to make her own choices + feels like we’re progressing since she started off with Jade (in an artificial or constructed relationship) but is concluding in a scenario where she had actively made a new connection on her own. And, of course, it still leaves the door open for the shipping to go either way.

[daisywords]

started rereading a book that I had mixed feelings about but have also thought about a lot since (and I do like to revisit works that had a particular resonance with me to try and figure out what that captivating something was) and anyway I did read this book the first time when I was probably too young for it (I think my mom was reading it for a book club and I saw it on her nightstand and read the blurb and she told me I probably should wait until I was older to read it) and I remember that sneaking into her room to read it in little snatches. Sitting on the floor of her bathroom in secret with that book. But ANYWAY what I'm trying to say is I remembered being vaguely annoyed with the narrator and I was wondering if that would still be the case reading it as an adult. And the answer is yes. I am finding her insufferable, in fact.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

genuinely curious how you came up with your ocs! did you set out with an idea of what they should be like or did they just move in one day unprompted?

mostly they stem from my own love of superhero comics and their adaptations! the superhero genre is full of weirdly specific and immediately recognizable conventions and archetypes that I wanted to poke and play with, and this batch of OCs all developed from that. just as a group overall they came about because I think it's so fascinating how many villains don't seem to bother maintaining secret identities and are just Doing That Shit 24/7, and I think it's fun and silly to imagine what that makes the ordinary day to day parts of their lives look like. I especially love the question of how they can form friendships and interpersonal connections with people they genuinely like while still being career shitheads by choice; like, can you be a professional Bad Guy but also a good friend? how? what kind of compartmentalizing, if any, do you have to do to make that work?

and then all of the individual characters stem from wanting to play with more specific tropes. like, for instance, a lot of Tash's character stems from my concerns about superheroes who keep little secret prisons where they lock people up with no trial seemingly indefinitely (I'm looking at you, CW Flash!!!), and the long-term impact that sort of imprisonment would have on a person. Tash is paranoid and resentful and she wants out of crime very badly but she's desperate her finances are in fucking RUINS on account of the six months where she just vanished off the face of the earth. and Ace is of course an homage to every high-ranking villain's daughter who's ever had a torrid love affair with a male hero, which in her case has ended REALLY BADLY and gotten her kicked out on her ass trying to rebuild her life without defining herself around somebody else's agenda for her life. and Jessie is a whole lot of things, really poking at street level supervillains and how sidekicks split off on their own and what you have to do as a person with no powers to keep up with a game where most people are way, way stronger than you.

so the short version is that I like rotating the conventions of superhero comics in my brain and going "would that be fucked up or what?"

[eledritch]

hey! are you playing the new dragon age? thoughts!

yes, I finished it!

I have.....a lot of thoughts, but what it boils down to is that while I'd recommend the game (it's generally quite fun as a game, polished, gorgeous environments, combat that is overall fun & dynamic, & it actually made me care about Solas so that's a point in its favor) and I think it's amazing that it exists after such a long & fraught wait, it was disappointing for me in several big ways:

1. I didn't like Rook's character (someone said it feels like a JRPG in the sense that the protagonist is kind of already a defined personality meant to serve as more of an anchor to the party characters and I agree; it felt like Rook got minimal characterization & development throughout). I wish we'd gotten to play Rook's origin story and/or had way more dialogue choices. The flatness of Rook as a PC consistently made it tough for me to get engaged with this game the way I have with the other DA games.

2. Yikes @ Taash & all of the nonbinary/trans rep in the game. I wanted to love Taash so fucking much, you guys. I could not. Every aspect of Taash's character fell flat for me (except their design, that's great), especially their coming out scene with their mom (I thought Shathann was a super interesting character and I felt like the game did not want us to like her, much like DAI wants you to dislike Dorian's dad...but only one of these parents is worthy of disdain). I think the game also does an astonishingly poor job at trying to make a storyline about intersectional identity. Don't get me started on how Qunari, particularly the Antaam, are portrayed in the game...

I also played as a nb Rook and those dialogue choices all felt weird (& sometimes viscerally cringe & HUH) to me too, it only felt affirming when other characters used they/them pronouns for my Rook and bro that's the BARE MINIMUM. so I was just totally disappointed and also confused as to how this happened, given that I've really loved Trick Weekes' writing in the past.

3. There is a lack of inter-party conflict and the romance leaves a lot to be desired. I do think that especially by Act 3 this game does have some ~Dragon Age Edge~ to it (I liked a lot in Act 3, big Mass Effect vibes...at the same time tho, why does a Dragon Age game have Mass Effect vibes?? They've always felt so distinct to me in previous games; less so here). But I get why people were upset that, for example, your Rook can't be a jerk or even critique other characters (though Rook does have a lot of dialogue with what felt to me like an unintentionally condescending tone). They do try to create a confrontational dynamic between Lucanis and Davrin but that felt forced and unconvincing to me.

Because of this, because I never felt like I really knew my companions' core beliefs or flaws, and I wasn't able to argue with them or change/challenge any of their beliefs, I didn't feel very attached to many of the companions. I do think Emmrich was quite well written, and Neve is good too, but I romanced Davrin and I gotta say, the romance in this game was weirdly minimal (in my experience at least). You can't talk to your companions whenever you want. You can't give them a little kiss whenever you want. This is a core aspect of DA games for me so it was a bummer not to see it in Veilguard. There ARE a lot of cool cutscenes and interactions between the other party characters, but Rook is just a witness to those, kind of standing on the sidelines or awkwardly interrupting. Which comes back to the problem of Rook in this game! (For me, at least.)

4. This game's approach to slavery or lack thereof is a glaring issue. I could write a whole essay on this but I won't do so here. Suffice to say: I thought this was handled poorly and in a frankly cowardly way, considering that this game was so big on inclusion and social justice. I played as a Shadow Dragon elf Rook and there was ONE conversation about how "being an elf in Tevinter must be hard" (DUDE...). We do not see slavery in Tevinter except in a few codex entries (one by Dorian which...I HAVE THOUGHTS) and allusions, random NPCs here and there, and "uh oh gotta help the Dalish," etc. Fenris's absence haunts the narrative HARD. This is a big problem and I haven't seen a lot of talk about it, but especially since slavery also existed under the Evanuris, and Solas is supposedly anti-slavery, the way Veilguard consistently swerves around slavery is wild.

Idk, it just feels shitty that they devoted the resources to hiring diversity consultants to write a nonbinary character (presumably, because most of the dialogue about that reads like a DEI statement) but they did not devote time and energy and nuance to including slavery in the narrative in any meaningful way. Although maybe it's for the best that they didn't, given how not nuanced a lot of the writing in this game felt to me.

So, yeah...some things I liked about it and I do think when it comes down to it, Veilguard is a good game, but it's not a great Dragon Age game, and it's certainly not the DA4 I personally wanted :/ I am planning to try to replay it and maybe my thoughts will develop more after that, because believe me I wanna give this game all the chances.

[bingqiv]

Saw your post about the Doctor's outfits this series and yeah! It's fun to have him change every now and then but every episode is way too much. The Doctor always has An Outfit that's their signature look and it feels so odd not having that immediate recognisable signature. It's such a Thing that we've had scenes of quite a few Doctors picking their outfit post-regeneration.

Even if we look at someone like 12 who changed fits pretty frequently there were always core design elements that remained consistent across the board, so it felt like a cohesive look. His silhouette was basically always the same even when there was a change.

Besides, the Doctor's always been kind of out of place and larger than life so having one outfit sets them apart from everyone around them. As well as being a very good way of distinguishing between each incarnation and giving them a unique identity. Especially as the outfits themselves often give some indication of the kind of Doctor this particular regeneration will be.

Weirdly I think the outfit thing felt most glaring this most recent episode because the Doctor wasn't in it much. We got a whole wardrobe change just for that? I also feel like Ruby has carried over consistent design elements between costumes more than he has...

you’ve literally summed up my thoughts perfectly!

each doctor had a look that stayed somewhat consistent through their run. they had changes throughout their run but it still harked back to their initial fit.

they only introduced a second reoccurring costume for tennant’s doctor during season 3 and even that was just a colour change of the suit, tie and converse. it’s still identifiable as the tenth doctor. even during the 60th anniversary, tennant’s costuming was still very much in line with what ten wore.

with smith’s doctor, they only changed up his costume after the ponds left in season 7. but even then it still has the core elements that defined his costume (and era). they kept the bow tie, kept similar material for the jacket and kept similar boots. it is the same costume just spruced up a bit.

then you have capaldi. they kept a similar colour scheme amongst his different wardrobe changes and kept the silhouette of his jacket the same.

now if we take a look at the different costume changes that gatwa has had over SIX episodes. there’s been no real constancy (there was an attempt with church on ruby road and space babies that hasn’t followed through with the rest of the season). the costume change makes somewhat sense during devil’s chord (if you ignore the fact that the previous two outfits had sixties influences and would’ve made sense in that era). but i just don’t get why had to deviate with entirely different costuming for boom, 73 yards and dot&bubble. especially when the costume that his earlier promo photos had were so cool (the leather coat and striped shirt) and they could’ve had the blue shirt that was worn in space babies as an alternate costume.

i just don’t know why they’ve decided to go down this route since the doctor has always had a defining look that has followed through their seasons. whittaker’s doctor has such little variation in her costuming (which for all the complaining people had was very much a doctor outfit).

and you’re bang on with ruby having a more defining look than the doctor which is an interesting choice that rtd has made. especially as this season only has 8 episodes and we have at least one more outfit change ahead with the regency episode. i just hope they pin down a look for the doctor next season.

[fennnii]

Wolverine Frogs Q & A

(these are questions collected from all my socials, discord, bluesky and here, etc. thanks to everyone who asked me something 😊)

Q: Okay 🤩 congrats on publishing! Here’s my question: why frogs exactly? What was the inspiration?

A: Thank you! 🐸 The title Wolverine Frogs comes from a real animal—Trichobatrachus robustus, aka the wolverine frog or hairy frog—which literally breaks its own bones to create claws when threatened. Brutal and beautiful, right? That self-inflicted violence became a major theme in the book. Also, the main character, Lara, had a childhood obsession with frogs (same, tbh), and that kind of nostalgic detail stuck with me.

Q: Woah congrats! What’s it about?

A: It’s a dystopian horror set in a wrecked future Australia. Lara is hiding what she is, and when her sister vanishes, she’s forced into a desperate road trip with a sketchy ex-cop and a guy who’s definitely hiding something too. The deeper into the red zones they go, the worse things get. It’s hot, tense, and very bloody. Also: it’s secretly a love letter to the wild places I grew up in.

Q: What was the publishing process like?

A: Wild! Publishing is sloooow. Wolverine Frogs went through several drafts, beta reads, a full rewrite, and then edits with my publisher. The hardest part wasn’t writing it—it was learning patience. I used to think a book was “done” when I typed THE END. Nope. That’s when the real work begins.

Q: What’s it like publishing with a small press?

A: Honestly? It’s been incredible. My publisher actually loved the weird, risky parts of the book—things I worried bigger houses might tone down. It’s a much more personal experience. I had a say in everything, from the cover to the way we talked about the themes. It also means I’ve had to do a lot of my own marketing and outreach, but I kind of love that part too. The control is empowering, even if it’s a bit chaotic!

Q: Any advice for people wanting to publish their own horror/dystopian novel?

A: Write the weird thing. Let it be messy. Let it be too much. You can always tone it down later—but sometimes, what you think is “too much” is the exact thing that makes it powerful. And don’t be afraid to submit to small presses—they’re doing amazing, genre-bending work and are often more open to unique voices and settings.

Q: What was the hardest scene to write?

A: Oh, no question—the final confrontation. I knew where Lara needed to end up emotionally, but I kept second-guessing how to get her there without making it cheesy or too nihilistic. I ended up writing three totally different versions before landing on the one that stuck. It's brutal, it's weirdly tender, and yeah… it broke me a little.

Q: Is there a romance subplot?

A: …Define subplot 😏 There is a romance thread, but it’s tangled up in trauma, identity, and monstrousness. It’s not neat or soft—it’s messy and morally complicated, just like the rest of the book. Think: heat in the apocalypse, but you’re not sure if you’re going to kiss this person or kill them.

Q: How long did it take you to write it?

A: I drafted the original version in about three months, but I spent over a year revising it—pulling it apart, rewriting whole sections, layering in character arcs, worldbuilding, and themes. It was originally more action-heavy, but I ended up leaning way harder into the horror and the personal stakes.

Q: Did anything in real life influence the setting?

A: 100%. I grew up in regional Australia, surrounded by open paddocks, dry bushland, and that eerie stillness you get in small towns. The heat in Wolverine Frogs feels like something alive. A lot of the landscape came straight from memory—but twisted through a dystopian lens.

Q: What’s the weirdest part of the book?

A: Possibly Bella's interlude. I won’t spoil it, but if you know, you know. That scene is so body horror and so sad at the same time. It still makes me cringe in a good way. (Also: the bit with the dinosaurs. Again. You’ll see.)

Q: What surprised you most during the writing process?

A: How much it became a story about girlhood. I went in thinking it was going to be about monsters and government conspiracies—and it is—but the heart of it is really about being a teenage girl in a violent world and what gets buried (and unburied) inside that.

Q: Any particular media that inspired you?

A: A big blend: Mad Max: Fury Road, Annihilation, Ginger Snaps, and Aussie bush horror films like The Nightingale and Rogue. I also had a bunch of playlists going full of brooding synth, bushfire crackle, and one truly unhinged frog sounds track.

Q: Are you working on anything else?

A: Always! I'm working on a sequel (👀), and I’ve got a few other projects in the works, including a horror series for younger readers and a novel about a soldier who can talk to ghosts. There’s a lot of monster stuff in my brain. I just let it out slowly.

Awesome! Here’s a new batch of Q&A entries—this time with a mix of fun fan-style questions, deeper character/world insights, and some more behind-the-scenes stuff about publishing and process:

Q: Who’s your favourite character?

A: I should say Lara because she carries the heart of the story—but honestly? Ethan. He’s such a piece of work. Writing his dialogue was like letting loose a snake and seeing who it bites. He’s manipulative, bitter, occasionally funny in a way that makes you feel bad for laughing. I hate him. I love him.

Q: Would you survive your own book?

A: Absolutely not. I would die trying to rescue an injured dog or something. I’d say “I got this,” and immediately fall into a sinkhole or something. Oh well.

Q: What was it like holding the book in your hands for the first time?

A: Surreal. I’d spent so long with it as a Word doc or a stack of red-penned pages that seeing it as an actual book felt like meeting a doppelgänger. It looked so clean and final, like all the chaos and anxiety I poured into it had somehow been tamed. Spoiler: it hasn’t.

Q: Did anything get cut from the final version?

A: So much. There was an entire subplot involving a cult in the red zones that ended up being too much for the pacing. Some of that energy is still there in the background though—if you pay attention to the symbols people leave behind. 👁️

Q: How do you deal with writer’s block?

A: I let it win for a day or two. Then I get petty and write something just to spite it. Usually a gross little flash story or an unhinged scene that doesn't have to "work." Writing badly on purpose is freeing. That, and yelling to friends: “TALK ME THROUGH THIS!” until it unknots itself.

Q: How did you find your publisher?

A: I submitted during an open call. I’d been researching small presses that love horror and speculative fiction with a bit of teeth, and this one immediately stood out. They got the book. It felt more like joining a team than handing it off to strangers.

Q: How edited is the book? Did they change much?

A: It’s still very much my book, but editing made it sharper. I cut scenes, rewrote whole chapters, and rearranged the structure to make it hit harder emotionally. It’s kind of like taking a weird, feral dog to obedience school. Still wild. Just slightly more dangerous in a deliberate way.

Q: What’s one thing readers should look out for?

A: Pay attention to what Lara forgets—or avoids. The book doesn’t just have unreliable narrators. It has unreliable memories. And some of the weirdest things are in the quiet moments: what people eat, what names they won’t say, what animals show up again and again.

Q: Is Wolverine Frogs a standalone or part of a series?

A: It stands on its own, but there’s definitely room for more. There are characters we’ve barely scratched the surface of. So... stay tuned 🐺

[quillfulwriter]

My turn to be delayed because real-life stuff, lol!

All that said about fewer characters, I'm usually a sucker for a large cast too, lol.

I can definitely see it being a tipping point when Ian made that connection, considering it left him with a cane and some hefty trauma. No one wants to be declared dead, even if Ian got witty about that later. I somehow manage to forget that he'd technically know that Dr. Harding was a vet on account of being treated by him in the first book (inasmuch as giving someone morphine and basic first aid is treating them, oops). It's also hilarious to imagine a universe in which neither of them ever introduced the other to their parents, so Ian is just finding out there that she's related. Harding is a decently common last name and all. But that's just for the laughs, really, lol.

Sarah and Ian weren't a good romantic match to start with, honestly, because they kind of have too much in common? At least in the most pressing ways, like being the work-first sort of people based on what we get of them in canon. But it wouldn't be hard for Dr. Harding to be the breaking point for them as a couple. It's a fun headcanon! For us!

She'd probably come around with her father eventually, given that he's a vet and wasn't at all prepared to deal with treating people for being attacked by dinosaurs, but it's gotta be a shock to hear from Ian about how he almost died. Their romance was one that was bound to be both bizarre and tragic, lol oops.

Ian definitely struck me as the more thoughtful of the two, in his own way! Not that I think Sarah isn't thoughtful, but that he's more overt about it. Like he seemed more excited to see her and actively sought her out on the island, which she appreciated, but she doesn't necessarily take that kind of emotional initiative. He's more "secret softy" I think and she's more "what you see is what you get", which I love for both of them. Ian as a scholarly corvid bringing prizes to his person/people is fantastic, and I'm so here for it!

He does still seem like he's an acquired taste, which I feel qualified to say, being one myself, lol. Those habits would be so endearing in my eyes, but there's no shame on the folks who want traditional gestures like flowers and cards or different love languages altogether. It takes all types, as they say! I do love that implied reason for their breakup being no one's fault, which is the case for most (standard) breakups, imo. Sometimes a person is toxic af, but usually, two people just don't mesh romantically when they thought they would. It stings too, but it's not anyone's fault.

Sarah could probably be headcanoned as aro/ace or somewhere on either/both spectrums, really, especially with what she said about relationships to Dodgson. Which is so cool! I can't even say that was deliberate on the author's part, if he knew about those identities at all, but it's neat all the same. Ladies who don't define themselves by being mothers and wives need some time in the spotlight when it comes to fiction! Not to mention the whole general idea of "to each other own" tbh. Folks seem to have a hard time wrapping their mind around that, weirdly? Like their experience is the only one, whether they're in the social mainstream or on the margins of society. Lots of ways to be in the world, not all of them defined. It's totally valid for Sarah to be the kind of person to think long distance is more trouble than it's worth, agreed!!

An injury bringing people together has definitely happened before, and it'll happen again, no doubt. Something about that care-giving fosters feelings like romance that can shift or fade afterwards. They do care for each other, I agree! It could've just changed as Ian recovered, which is very understandable. It's a cliche for a reason, lol. A clean breakup also heals my soul, tbh. Too many breakups in fiction are dramatized/demonized for my liking. I enjoy variety! Going their separate ways with no ill will fits for them.

Crichton seems to be very plot-driven, so I doubt he could've released short stories about them without one, but I would've read them like crazy. No guessing! More of their perspectives! And all those dynamics that shake things up, like other folks caring more about their past than they do. I'd have loved that so much, lol.

This second book didn't delve as deep as I would've liked in a lot of ways, and it definitely loops back to that broader issue for sure. Writing a sequel to capitalize on the fame of the first is hard for that reason, imo. The pressure is on and getting more of the fear/wonder and general opinions/scientific observations can overpower other elements that help make a strong story! The first two elements made the prequel great, yeah, but storytelling isn't like following a recipe. Granted, I have 0 bestsellers, so Crichton still did better than me, lol.

It's true that his flirty nature in the first book is expanded by the second! Maybe a brush with death gives depth to his existing relationships, but he doesn't have an interest in new ones, or maybe he's happy being single and ready to mingle, lol. It's compelling in a lot of ways! I like that Dodgson being so wrong has to do with Sarah's ex (not to discount her being such a badass who can survive anything, lol). Few people would think an ex-boyfriend would be the one looking for someone, but there's Ian, caring and ready to go looking for her.

I'm fond of the idea that she's also going to the island for Doc Thorne, Eddie, and Ian, because why not? Gotta go save her boys, lol.

The second book did make the second movie pale in comparison, oof. A movie-going audience probably can't handle a woman saving a man, which is such a wimpy reason to cop out. Men can need saving sometimes! Women can do that for them! Inverting expectations is the first step to doing away with the expectations to begin with, ideally, and I'd love to see a movie that's closer to the book. The current movie does have some gems, but still.

There's just so much inspiring stuff and wonderful things in the book that never got to the screen! I'd love for even more people to get to enjoy that, all in 90 minutes or so instead of the time it takes to read a book. I love reading and getting those quotes from Sarah, plus all the wonderful things it had, but not everyone is a bookworm, lol. Everyone should get to enjoy it regardless!

I'll take any new adaptations at this point. The new movie comes out in July! Maybe it'll be enough to spark other media to join in. More folks to be in the fandom we've already got going, and doing justice to this adventure with Sarah, Ian, and all the rest! So much to delve into, it'd be magnificent. ✨

Just Ian Malcolm appreciating how Sarah Harding has masculine energy, lol. She doesn't let him forget that she's feminine too. I love that the book doesn't try to get them back together, and that's one of the things about The Jurassic Park books that I really enjoy in general. It doesn't go too heavy on the romance.

Plus, it's really sweet to see this post-romance friendship they have. There's still a connection there, it's just not the one they initially thought it would be! We need more friendships between men and women in media, lbr.

[bklynmusicnerd]

Yeah, this childish party for Curtis really exemplifies why I've never been into the idea of Trina being his daughter or Trina being an "Ashford". Stella comments on Trina like all she is is Curtis' newly discovered daughter. Like she didn't have a life or purpose before being an "addition" to their family.

Trina is clearly torn between this longstanding obligation she's given herself to maintain the peace and what her actual comfort level is on this whole thing. Outside of maybe Marshall (and TJ), there is not a recognition within this family unit of Trina as a full person who has lived a life without Curtis that matters. I wish they'd stop skipping beats like Trina and Taggert's dinner because showing that would really highlight what a jarring experience this is for Trina.

She has a visceral reaction to Stella's crap because she's now dealing with trying to maintain her relationship with the dad she loves, and dealing with this other family unit she also cares about trying to aggressively lay claim to her as Curtis' daughter.

And this is the core of Portia's betrayal. She put Trina in the position of being an object to lay claim to, for people to project their perceived familial connections upon, instead of a person with a strong sense of identity. Instead of being able to define herself, Trina is forced to hear other people define her based on (alleged) biology. And the worst part is that Portia does nothing to shield Trina in this mess. She doesn't care that Trina's uncomfortable.

She just cares that Trina is willing to play the game, willing to clean up her mess and clear the way for Portia to delude herself with a happily ever after with Curtis, once again. Trina's lack of pov and dialogue in this episode was weirdly fitting because what she was really thinking mattered very little to the people she was surrounded by. They're all too busy projecting their ideals on her to care about her reality.

[junebugwriter]

Dysphoria I

I'm still ruminating on the week. It's been a long one.

Came out to my parents, and went in public for the first time as Mae.

My wife joked, "Trans woman goes out to dinner with her wife, nothing happened, news at 11," in an effort to calm me down after having a panic attack, which to her credit, worked like gangbusters (she's fucking funny, y'all have no idea). Because it's true. Nothing happened. We had a lovely dinner. Literally, nobody looked at me weirdly, or even at all.

After it all, I tried my best to see what was going on under the hood. Why was I so anxious, when I should have felt free? I love wearing a dress. I love the wig that I own, it's lovely. But in so many ways, I just... felt wrong. And I realize now, it's the dysphoria talking in my head.

"You're a man in a dress, and everyone knows it."

"Who do you think you're fooling?"

"They're all laughing at you, they're all just too polite to do it to your face."

There's a great post somewhere about this, where basically it boils down to "If you think the only thing stopping you from being a woman is that you think you'll be ugly, you're literally already a woman. That's just the dysphoria talking."

My dysphoria seems to have a fucking megaphone right now. It's wall to wall noise and self-hate. I know what I am. I know I'm a woman. I know I'm not a guy, and I've had 35 years proving that I'm shit at "being a man." It never came easily to me. I was always just... trying. And failing. Because "being a man" simply wasn't me.

And heck. I'm early in my gender discovery. I may go back to simply being nonbinary! I may decide that being a woman isn't quite right either. That's the great thing about the whole journey--finding what works, and what doesn't.

The theme song for my whole transition, thanks to my wife, who sings to me all the time whenever I'm in self-doubt or spiraling with anxiety, is Sheryl Crow:

"If it makes you happy It can't be that bad! If it makes you happy, Then why are you so sad?"

I cannot tell you how much that actually helps me and my dysphoria issues. Because it's not bad! If wearing a dress, putting on makeup, and going by a feminine name makes me happy, it can't be that bad, right? It's just what it takes for me to survive. Understanding that I'm trans is a matter of survival here. Well, kind of, because I was only kind of surviving before hand. Now, I'm not just surviving.

I'm living.

In the darkness and the loneliness of the night, I just have to sit here with that demon dysphoria, and try to drown it out. Do things that make me euphoric. Write blogs on tumblr. Check in with friends on social media. Read comics. Stuff that keeps me sane.

I'm going to get through this. It won't be like this forever. By the end of the month, I'll hopefully be on HRT, or at least on the way to getting it. I'll make progress with my folks about my identity. I'll practice being femme in public more often.

I'm not a guy. I'm a woman who has some stuff to get through to be the person I want to be, and that's okay.

My dysphoria does not define me.

I define me.

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

My DC Cinematic Universe: Superman (Part XII)

Part Twelve: Hope

...Jesus Christ, did I actually devote 11 POSTS to this? Goddamn. Well, since I've come this far...

When I started this, I originally planned , like 6 posts, tops. And then, I just kept...typing...more. It's hard for me not to talk about this, I guess, because...well, as I said in the very first post, I love Superman. He's always been my favorite DC hero, and not just because of his supporting cast, or the villains, or the stories told about him. I do love those things, but no. Superman is my favorite because he represents hope in a bleak, uncaring world. A world that's so often marred by violence and pain, and terror around every corner. Superman is the bright colorful primary hope in a greyscale noir darkness. A solar-powered beacon amongst the gloom.

And that sucks, because more and more, it feels like audiences...don't really want that from their heroes. Or at least, filmmakers don't think they do. Think about this for a second. How many heroes in the DC Universe do you think actually inspire hope? In the comics, a bunch could be given that mantle, as well as the Justice League as a whole, most of the time. But the movies?

Think about this. I mean really think about this, OK? Pattinson's Batman is the first version of the character to directly help people as a hero. Sure, Nolan and Burton's Batmen helped people indirectly, and maybe saved a couple of people they didn't know personally, like...a few times? But they never really helped people directly in the same way as Pattinson's Batman did. I'll be making a post about Batman soon enough, but this most recent version is definitely one of the better ones for me for this reason. That said, though, Batman is supposed to inspire fear primarily, which the Pattinson Batman also does well. But what about the other major heroes we've seen?

Well, Wonder Woman is supposed to exude strength in truth, and I definitely don't think Gadot's Wonder Woman pulls that off in her most recent installment. After all, most of that film is basically composed of her lying to herself, and I also think it's one of the reasons that giving her the secret identity of Diana Prince is a mistake. Again, I'll get to her in a later essay series. Oof, that one's gonna be interesting.

I like Momoa's Aquaman, but I can't say he inspires much hope, in either the films or the comics. It's not really his bag. To be fair, a huge problem with his personalization is that he's more defined by his role and powers, than he is as a human being. And Momoa does that well enough, but also leans more into the "underwater badass" vibe than anything else. Which has...mixed results, in truth. Again, Aquaman'll get another entry; I have ideas for him as well.

Cyborg exudes...being depressed. He should more exude anger and frustration, in my opinion, alongside an existential angst, but he's not particularly hopeful. Inspirational, maybe? Even then, that's another character with poor characterization in recent years in the comics, mostly due to the bizarre decision to choose him as a member of the Justice League in the New 52. That's a whole other issue I have, and we'll get to that one too...somehow.

I think that's everybody, right? Right?

Ew, Ezra Miller. Gross. Well, if I must. First of all, Flash is one of my other favorite DC heroes. Yes, I know, I'm a basic bitch of a comic book fan, but sue me. I liked Flash WAY before he was cool, back in the mid-2000s as a teenager. As a hero, Flash does inspire some hope, but weirdly enough...I think he inspires more wonder and mystery than hope. A red wind that blows in and fixes your problems. He wears a mask, but also wears a smile. Unlike Superman, he doesn't exude the sane amount of trust with an unobscured face, but he still inspires joy and excitement. And Miller's Flash annoys the ever-loving shit out of me. I know, the new movie is allegedly great, but we'll goddamn see. He's not my Flash, that's for sure, and he's certainly not the most hope-inspiring hero.

What about Shazam? Again, more wonder from him in the film, but he's also a bit of a hopeful figure in the comics, at least in his early incarnations. I wouldn't say that that's reflected in the film, but the film version is based more on the New 52 version of the character, and he has more of a family-oriented message. And for the record, I think that works perfectly for the character, so no complaints here.

And of course...there's Cavill's Superman. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: I do like Cavill's Superman in a number of ways. With what he's given, he's not bad in the role. But of all things that Superman represents in the Snyder DCU, it isn't hope. Sure, he claims that the symbol on his chest stands for hope (WHICH IT FUCKING DOESN'T, BY THE WAY), but you know what I think when I watch his performance as Superman?

Oh, look, it's the guy responsible for the DEATHS OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE! Yeah, bug fucking surprise there, I know, but that's a little piece of baggage that's kinda hard to shake, I think! Sorry, but he never recovers from that for me, and the sequel honestly makes it worse, because they emphasize that even more. It doesn't work, and it certainly wouldn't inspire hope in me if I was in that universe.

Look, I get that I'm rambling. I'm a rambler, it's what I do, but my point is this: we deserve a Superman that we actually like, and that inspires hope in us and the people of Metropolis. Reeves mostly pulled that off, and it's time to bring that idea back to live-action Superman. And here's the fun thing about that concept...it can inspire stories to come. Because, hey...let's say that this first movie puts Superman on the path to inspiring hope. Because that's what I did. I introduced the character and his friends and foes, emphasized his struggles in the film, and examined his impact on the people of Metropolis. That's where you start.

We hit the second movie, and we cement Superman's popularity. We started the first film with metropolis feeling neutral-to-negative. Then, we start the second movie with Metropolis at two extremes. Those people influenced by Gordon Crown will see the negative aspects of Superman's presence, while the others will see Superman as the heroic figure he is. The city's divided on how they feel. But, by the end of that movie, we'll swing more towards those extremes, with greater negative threats making themselves known. Still, positive attitudes get even more positive at the same time. And then...third movie.

Third theoretical film will cement Superman as a bastion of hope, but will also make one of the main villains against him Gordon Crown, as well as Metropolis itself in some ways. The journey of Superman over the course of these films is truly turning him into a beacon of hope for Metropolis, and for the world at large. It is, quite literally, the hero's journey.

And personally, I think that'd be interesting to watch.

...Look, if you've made it this far, I really genuinely hope you liked this long-ass essay series. Honestly, despite the rigor...I had a good time typing it all up. I feel like I always have these ideas, and I never have an outlet to dump them all into, so I appreciate this hellsite being that outlet, as well as appreciating anyone who somehow has the free time to read my word vomit.

So, yeah, now what? I mean, I think the next step in this crazy-ass journey of mine is pretty obvious...kinda. So when that time comes up...well, I'll see you there. Right, buddy?

Index: Superman

Part I: Why I Love Superman

Part II: On Lois Lane

Part III: The Kents

Part IV: The 'Rents

Part V: The...Frendts?

Part VI: Lex Luthor

Part VII: The Real Villains

Part VIII: Superman's Rogues Gallery

Part IX: The Story - Act One

Part X: The Story (Acts Two and Three)

Part XI: The Story - Climax

Part XII: Epilogue (Part One)

Part XIII: Epilogue (Part Two)

[snowimatsu]

Hi, I wanted to ask you, can you tell us more about your thoughts on relationship analysis?

I’m assuming you mean this post (x)!

I thought the relationship analysis was really well-thought out, and it gave a lot of interesting perspectives. Like the Ichimatsu and Todomatsu analysis. I love the "domestic vs public party peep" idea. 

Ichimatsu does thrive having fun with his brothers, but he is mentally unprepared to have a "public party" persona after doing it for so long at 18 years old. Oppositely, Todomatsu is often bullied in the "domestic" setting by his brothers (poor baby). Some examples are the s1 mixer auditions, the s3 cooking contest, etc. Todomatsu is really good at having a cute “party persona” though when his brothers are missing.

Tho I am kinda nitpicky about some duos XD

Jyushimatsu vs Osomatsu

The magazine didn't really define their relationship imo. It just restated what happened in previous episodes. This meta about Bakamatsu does give some exposition though! Jyushi is the type who tries to cheer people up, and Oso is happy just being stupid with Jyushi, so its a win-win situation! Hence why are they are so stupid together. Neither of them have to worry about the other party and they can just goof around together. Like in the Wannabe Detectives skit!

Together, they can be stupid without consequence!

I know I'm glossing the relationship, but I want more people to read the Baka meta by Clownmoontoon!! It’s a favorite of mine. (link, again)

Karamatsu vs Choromatsu

While I totally agree with the magazine's analysis, I also think Karamatsu likes to tease/bully his immediate younger brother. There are a lot of instances of Karamatsu saying he'll "come back for Choromatsu" while running away and then not doing that.

Also in s2e10 Choromatsu helped Karamatsu confront their brothers about the chores, yet Karamatsu abandons Choromatsu at the end to escape. In the pre-movie skits, Karamatsu called Choromatsu cute, then explains that Choromatsu is cute because he isn't popular like Karamatsu. It's like Karamatsu likes to playfully bully his immediate younger sibling. There’s no ill-intent intended (still, it’s at Choro’s expense).

I love suiriku a lot but I don't see this side of Karamatsu talked about often unless its directed at Oso. I don't think Karamatsu purposely bullies any of his younger brothers besides Choromatsu. And yes Karamatsu is very honest with Choromatsu! I am not denying that. Karamatsu just likes to tease Choromatsu too.

Choromatsu vs Jyushimatsu

I didn’t agree with this analysis initially, but after re-reading it I kinda do now. I know the magazine only goes up to s2 (2018), so the movie and s3 didn’t exist yet.

“Madness pulled from absurdity” does explain Choro & Jyushi’s relationship pretty well. Jyushimatsu brings out the mad side of Choro sometimes. And by the time of the movie, and s3, maybe it finally got to the point that Jyushimatsu had to develop a tsukkomi role for Choromatsu’s ideals. 

It was a gradual role reversal, maybe? Idk, this is a duo I love but also they’re positions have changed over the seasons and I’m not too knowledgeable about their dynamic.

Osomatsu vs Five Matsus

I agree with the overall message! Osomatsu is built to revolve around his brothers, and without them he is lost as hell. He also has mixed feelings about them, both wanting to care about them but also wanting his own identity lol.

I just don’t like hearing e24 being summarized as “Osomatsu is upset because Choromatsu got a job”. I mean Osomatsu wasn't bothered when Todomatsu got a job as a barista, he was just sad Totty didn't tell them! 

Its about how his brothers got independence. Osomatsu has this whole philosophy about "staying true to yourself" and "being yourself". It likewise implies Osomatsu is very uncomfortable about drastic changes.

After Nyaa quit her idol career for marriage, Choromatsu gave up his fanboy identity to grow up. And not only is he getting a job, he’s also moving out. It was,,, a very big change and it also involved Choro giving up a part of his identity. And Osomatsu didn’t like it at all.

And yeah, the situation only escalated from there onwards. I agree with the magazine’s analysis,, but every time I see the episode being generalized into this one sentence I just get weirdly annoyed asdhsdgs

It’s all about changes in character/identity! “Being yourself” and “forcing yourself to change to be an adult” are real fears Osomatsu has lol. And e24 basically captured that,,, At least in my opinion! His brothers took independence as a means of a dramatic character change.

Osomatsu probably hopes he can keep being “himself” while he can also be an adult at the same time. But e24 proves that he HAS to change. Seeing all his bros changing themselves to be proper adults, and leaving him alone, probably rekt him. His life does revolve around them. And Osomatsu has zero healthy coping mechanisms so yeah he was bound to explode in a toxic way.

Which is why s2e24 is so great! They got jobs and didn’t lose much of their personal identities. Osomatsu trusts and loves his brothers, but he’s also got issues lol. Sorry this last part went a bit off topic;; I don’t really have anything else to add so I’ll just stop here!

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

#10: Mistake

(read it on Ao3 here!)

Things were still tense between Lewis and Arthur. Vivi could tell.

Of course they were. After Arthur thought he was missing and searched for him for years, while Lewis went on a misguided revenge quest against him, only for his identity to be revealed at the worst possible time in the worst possible way – they had every right to feel conflicted about each other. While Lewis unlearned the belief that Arthur killed him, and Arthur adjusted to the giant murder specter no longer being out for his blood, of course they were a little… awkward.

But this was getting ridiculous. It had been over a month, and the two of them still barely so much as looked at each other, keeping their eyes carefully steered away when they were forced into the same room. Had they even talked about anything yet? Or were they just pretending the other didn’t exist?

She didn’t want to push them if they really weren’t ready. Not least because it could end bad, if Lewis went into another rage or Arthur was harboring more resentment than she thought. But she didn’t see the harm in giving them little nudges. Encouraging them to spend time together, hoping to remind them of why they’d loved each other, back when Lewis was alive and nobody was afraid of murder coming out of nowhere.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be working.

Maybe they needed time alone, without her there. She could admit she’d been a little… hovery. She was just – she was worried, she still hadn’t gotten the new memories a hundred percent situated in her head and when she looked at Lewis her first thought was still shit, it’s the wraith, run. But… he’d been anything but the wraith, now that his own memories were complete. He’d been almost the opposite, meek and uncertain at the best of times. Maybe her presence was discouraging him from actually talking to Arthur, worried that she’d see it as a threat and snap at him. Which. Yes, she’d done that a couple times, in the first week or so, but she wasn’t doing it now. She’d been very careful (after Arthur gave her a warning about it) not to be rude to him! But… maybe it was worth a shot to orchestrate some alone time, anyway.

Well, “orchestrate some alone time” sounded more fancy than it was. She was going to swap shifts with Chloe.

It didn’t help.

She found several different excuses to go out, all with very well-defined time limits – work, running to the next town over for research material, stopping at home to help with chores. But if anything, the situation seemed to be getting worse. She came home every time to a clean but quiet house and two quieter friends, in separate rooms, giving her one-word answers when she tried to talk to them.

She really didn’t want to put them on the spot about this – was it even her place? – but unless she wanted to keep dealing with this, it seemed like she didn’t have a choice.

“Do you think Vivi knows?”

“Hmm?”

Arthur and Lewis were sitting together on the couch, legs tangled together. Lewis was reading, and Arthur was scrolling on his phone, though he’d set it down to look back at Lewis.

“About… y’know.” He waved at the room. “This.”

“Wh- oh. I mean, I don’t… see why… she would? It’s not like we’ve done anything, or said– I mean, I know I haven’t.”

“Yeah- yeah, I know, but it… it s-s-seems like she’s been orchestrating a lot- a lot of… time for us alone? I mean- this doesn’t feel like- like just, coincidence, yeah?”

Lewis sets the book down, staring at the ceiling. “…Maybe. Maybe she… overheard something, or just figured it out on her own, and… wanted to give us our space?”

“Feels too- too nice for Vi, but yeah, maybe.”

There was silence for a moment.

“We could just… y’know. Tell everyone.”

“I- I mean, it’s your call.”

“It’s yours too!” Lewis looked back down at him. “This affects you too.”

“Yeah, but it- it’s mostly you.” He tapped him on the chest with the back of his hand. “I’m good with wha- whatever you wanna do, yeah?”

He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. “I just… I want a little more time.” Time for everyone to get used to me, is the unfinished second half of the sentence.

“Then time you’ll have!”

“It’s just, I know- you probably don’t like keeping it a secret.”

“You don’t like keeping s-se- secrets. I do this for fun.” Arthur’s hand trailed down to his wrist and squeezed it. “It’s al-“

He was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and Vivi’s voice shouting “Hey, I’m back, I just forgot something!”

Immediately the two of them scrambled to untangle themselves from the very conspicuous limb pile they were wrapped up in. There was a moment of confusion about which way was best for each of them to move, and then Arthur ended up pulling himself across Lewis’s lap and hopping the armrest while he got up.

They mistimed spectacularly, and Arthur tipped over before he had his feet on the floor, smacking his head directly into the end table with a definitive bang and an “Ow! Fuck!”

Lewis floated over the back of the couch, intending to help him– but then he heard Vivi’s footsteps coming down the hall and was frozen in indecision for a moment. Was helping him up too familiar? Should he sit back down? Should–

Vivi was there before he could make a decision. She glanced between the two of them, frowning, and then focused on Arthur, saying, “you okay?”

“You surprised me,” he whined, the very picture of innocent, boring clumsiness. Lewis almost had to admire it.

Her eyes flicked to Lewis for a second, and then she was moving to help him up, even though he was mostly standing up already.

Okay, this time wasn’t part of some grand scheme. Vivi legitimately had to run out. Or, not had to, but they were in dire need of snacks and the store was closing soon. She didn’t get very far before realizing she left her wallet at home.

Only a moment after she opened the door, there was a loud bang from down the hall, accompanied by Arthur swearing a lot. She frowned and stuck her head in the door, still in her shoes.

Arthur was there, kneeling on the floor, apparently having just smacked his head on the table. Lewis was hovering just behind him, staring at her and looking a little paralyzed.

A shock ran through her, turning her blood cold. He– he wouldn’t have. Right?

Not a good time to ask. She looked back over to Arthur. “You okay?”

“You surprised me,” he huffed, reaching up to put one hand on the table and pull himself up. He sounded honest, but she was having trouble imagining how her opening the door translated to him tripping over into a table. Although Arthur was impressively clumsy and easy to startle sometimes.

She glanced over to Lewis, but his expression didn’t hint at anything. With a laughed “hey, sorry!” she went over to check on Arthur and help him up.

Enough was enough. She was all for letting them talk things over on their own – they were adults, after all, they should have been capable of that – but that required them to actually talk. Or at least admit they weren’t comfortable sharing a living space for now, if that was too hard.

So over dinner one day, as everyone was more or less finishing up, she set her utensils down on the table with an, “okay, look. We need to talk.”

Weirdly enough, it was Lewis who went more tense at that. Had he always been that edgy?– She couldn’t remember, but she didn’t think so. He fiddled with his sleeve-cuff, regarding her with upturned brows, his shoulders high and tight.

Arthur looked nervous, for his own part, but not quite as much as Lewis did. His eyes flicked to Lewis for a moment, and then he slowly lowered his fork with a wide-eyed stare. “About… what?”

“About you two!” She spread her hands out to emphasize. “I mean, I get it, okay? But you either need to talk or step away. Not– the weird- uncomfortable ignoring thing you’re doing now.”

Some of the tension actually went out of Lewis at that. Like he was expecting her to say something even worse. Arthur tilted his head a little, frowning. “Uh, what?”

“Come on, you two can barely even look at each other! I’ve been trying to get you to work it out, but apparently you aren’t getting the message! So. Talk.”

The two of them stared at each other for a while, expressions unreadable.

“I, um, I think the game is up,” Lewis said hesitantly, and then Arthur burst out laughing.

“Uh, what?” she said, lowering her hands. He just slumped back into his chair, continuing into an almost silent snort-giggle. It was… nice to see him laugh so genuinely, but she still wasn’t entirely sure why.

“I- uh, shit.” He lowered the hand he had pressed to his face to look at Lewis. “Are y- are you s-sure?”

Lewis sighed, but the crinkle around his eyes indicated he was smiling. “Yes. Sure. Go ahead.”

“Okay. W-we-“ He took a deep breath and sat up straighter, reining in his laughter. “We’re not av- a-avoiding each other ‘cause we’re- we haven’t t-talked. We, we’re actually, uh.” He glances again at Lewis, who nods. “We’re dating.”

“Wait, what?”

He giggles again at her reaction. Lewis is still quietly looking at his hands, but for once, Arthur seems content to do most of the talking. “We, uh, we talked everything out right af- after th- a-after the… whole thing at th-the shop. Th-that night, actually. You were asleep. Kind of… cleared the air, yeah? Once we figured out the… th-th whole thing with my arm,” he swallows, shivering at the memory, “it was… a lot… better?”

“Obviously we didn’t start- then,” Lewis picks up, “but… it was only a few days after. After a few more conversations and… there was kind of this feeling of- at least for me- not knowing if we’d… have another chance to say it? So…”

“I- I mean, and that was- w-was part of the reason why we… didn’t tell anyone? We weren’t sure if i- if it’d work, there might’ve been… too much stuff, or we just weren’t… in- i-in the right space, but… it… s-s-seems to be working okay?”

Lewis nods. “And, I know you… a lot of people still don’t… trust me. Entirely. I didn’t want anyone to think…” he trails off, letting Vivi fill in the sentence on her own.

“Oh. Okay. But, um, then, what’s with all the… glaring in Arthur’s direction…?”

Arthur snorts again, and Lewis buries his head in his hands. “My face just does this,” he groans. “I think it’s my default with the skull.”

She bites back a giggle at that. “Sh- okay, then, uh. I’m… I’m really happy for you guys…?”

“Thanks,” they both mutter at the same time.

[sapphicambitions]

I think I should get a free pass for all of the Taylor swift content ive been posting because

I’m sexy

I am allowed to enjoy whatever I want

Y’all don’t underSTAND how weirdly complicated all my Taylor Swift emotions are like I was literally a massive massive MASSIVE Taylor Swift fan before the term Swiftie like I grew up on that shit (I’ve met her three times, besides the point) and Taylor Swift is the reason my best friend and I became friends and her music meant the world to me and her confidence with her curls got me through being bullied about my hair and dumbass little me rooted my identity in Taylor swift (this is something I’m embarrassed by, not proud of) and then when she started to change her image I felt like I was losing myself and with all the everything that went down with her and her changes in music and my changing sense of self when I went off to college and there was all that shady shit that went down with her and then like I became an ANTI Taylor swift fan like completely and totally against and this is gonna sound stupid but that was like my first real rebellion against my family because my parents would always be like “but you used to love Taylor swift” and I’d be like “well I don’t anymore leave it alone” and it was literally like a Whole Thing where my family like pushed me to like Taylor swift because I used to be a huge fan and so I doubled down and held my ground d on my dislike of her and it was like I viewed early Taylor swift and my previous fan self as the opposite of all I was becoming: a leftist lesbian and so then for years I had to hold my ground on the fact that no I was not a Taylor swift fan and I was not a sweet little girl anymore and I didn’t like boys and im not defined by my past and I didn’t like Taylor Swift until I knocked it into my families heads and then the Americana documentary came out and I was begrudgingly like okay fine I will be indifferent to Taylor Swift and then folklore came out and I was like okay I will kind of admit that this is sort of good but I’m still holding my ground and then evermore came out and knocked me on my ass and it’s like I’m literally having to swallow my pride of years of being aggressively anti Taylor swift as a symbol for being anti everything I used to be and saying I like her again feels like I’m proving my family right and going back on my word even tho this time I’m rubbing my gay little hands all over it and I’m embarrassed to even post this (but if I can’t post about it on tumblr where can I post it) but frankly what’s even more embarrassing is that most of my life has been defined by Taylor swift and I’m mortified by it all and therefore I think I should get a free pass for all the Taylor swift content I’ve been posting

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

[thedinanshiral]

On the Evanuris

We know not nearly enough about the Evanuris, the ancient elvhen so-called gods, and what information we have is either myth, legend, or casual commentary by an undoubtedly biased contemporary source, Solas.

While this post was inspired by a particular line Solas says in Inquisition, it’s also been requested on Twitter so i’ll try my best. First a small disclaimer, I partially subscribe to the spirit origin theory, so i’ll start there. I’m presenting another theory based on it as well, so it’s fair to say it’s mostly wild speculation on my part (but I like it!) 

At the end of All New, Faded for Her, when Solas returns to Skyhold he mentions to the Inquisitor he went to find a quiet place to sleep, dream and visit the place in the Fade where his Wisdom spirit friend used to be. Says he found it empty, “but there are stirrings of energty in the Void. Someday something new may grow there”. Which got me thinking, where do spirits come from?

Unlike those with a physical existence spirits aren't born, there's no Spirit Mommy and Spirit Daddy making Spirit Babies. Solas explains -without as much detail as i'd like- that once a Spirit “dies”, something remains and if the spirit was strong enough or inspiring enough, from what remains a new spirit may form that would inherit something of the former spirit but would not carry on its identity or memories.

So where do Spirits come from, originally? Chantry states it was the Maker, but i'm skipping that and jumping directly into creatio ex nihilo. Leaving aside the big old question of the origin of the Maker, I propose we discuss the Void a bit. People often think of the Void as an empty space or plane, the abscence of whatever, Nothing with a capital N, when it is also quite the contrary. The Void holds everything within. It's an Absolute and as such, it's everything you can think of and everything you can't think of too. It's raw unlimited potential.

Here’s a silly example: Imagine there's a chef who wants to create a new entry for their menu and have only a basket with 5 tomatos in it. They can be very creative but there will always be a limit to what one can prepare with only 5 tomatos. Now imagine this chef goes empty handed to the farmers' market; there they can pick up a variety of ingredients in whatever quantity and quality they like, and prepare many different meals.

The Maker is the Chef, the Void is the market. The Void is never truly empty, the emptyness is what one may bring into the Void but not the only thing the Void has to offer.

So maybe, just maybe, the Maker -assuming it's real- was the first spirit to form in the Void, maybe completely at random as the result of a combination of void energies, we can't know for sure. In the many creation myths of various cultures it's always a mystery how and why the first divine entities appear, in many cases it's just “and then, pop! There they were”, in others it's an act of “love”, as in the Whole being too much for/in itself breaks down into smaller fractions, generates itself a separate existence and then begins creating other forms as an expresion of the universal love that it is compelled to share with a multitude of life. Essentially all life in the universe is the Universe giving itself a big, big hug and having feelings. This form of “creation from nothing” also grants perspective, as the Absolute in producing other beings generates the possibility of different perspectives of itself.  

With that said and tying up Solas’ words with the elvhen spirit origin theory, i’d say there’s a possibility the Void is where spirits originate from, weirdly enough. This could be supported even by Chantry teachings as per the Canticle of Andraste 14:11

Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew.

The first “god” we hear of is the Sun. It being an early entity is evidenced in its lack of a proper name, as it's just “The Sun”, and father to the All-father, Elgar'nan. The Sun symbolises life, beginnings, the origin, as in the rising of a new day. The Sun may have been a first spirit, a concentration of  pure, raw energy in the Void, and when the generation chain resulted in different beings apart from itself who could see a different aspect of the Sun, a negative and damaging one, the Sun was overthrown and the Evanuris, its children, rose in its place. The Sun wasn’t alone, however, there was also the Earth as a female and motherly figure, who doted on her son until the Sun out of jealousy and spite burnt everything to ashes, inciting Elgar’nan’s rage.  From the tears of the Earth pooled into oceans rose Mythal as a new entity of reason to contrast with Elgarn’nan’s violent emotions. Together they restored the defeated Sun -establishing the day and night cycle – and all four restablished life and everyone lived happy forever.. Except not.  Let’s say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

From the Sun and the Earth, Elgarn’nan and Mythal came into existence and according to the myths, they generated in turn other entities that eventually became the elvhen pantheon. Falon’din, Dirthamen, June, Sylaise, Andruil. How every Evanuris embodies or represents a different aspect of life also plays in this idea of an Absolute breaking itself up into its many components. This cascade effect doesn’t end there, as later on we learn from Ghilan’nain’s example that the Evanuris could elevate others to their same godly status.  

As spirits directly descendant from the first one, the Evanuris were powerful and naturally the ones that followed came to see them as superior, divine. But as Geldauran says in their claim “There are no gods. There is only the subject and the object, the actor and the acted upon” , the Evanuris in all their power were blinded and in their perception of others as lesser beings they accepted no question of their place in the order of the world. They saw themselves at the top of the chain and not once doubted this. Perhaps the more they defined their individual identities in contrast to the others, the more they solidified into the physical world, the more “earthly” they became, more susceptible to material sensation and needs and desires, and grew more entitled and aggressive in how they took their claims over the world.

All this eventually lead to them “creating” (the Evanuris are after all called “Creators”) the elvhen, possibly more spirits of varying strengths and skills they saw could be used as servants. Some may have joined a physical world willingly, but others may have not, and no “god” would stand being refused by a lesser creature so, enter the vallaslin. Bonding magical marks, used to ground spirits and bound them in service to a particular Evanuris became proper slave markings later on as elvhen became “people” and developed a complex societal structure that expanded over two different planes of existence.

Vallaslin are blood markings, chances are they used lyrium and we know lyrium is the blood of titans; considering Dagna's experience of being tall as a mountain and thinking all the thoughts, we can imagine Titans are, similarly to the Sun, original spirits -or close enough-, entities who had not yet divided themselves into other aspects. So their blood, their nature, is in a way purer than that of the Evanuris, holds potentially more power within, and it would seem they lack distinct personalities, egos and all the nasty things that come with it. They simply existed as they were with no desire, no ambition to be more or do more. And their blood could bridge the physical existence the Evanuris had already mastered, with the spiritual existence they were possibly beginning to lose. Perhaps lyrium branding offered the possibility of bounding a spirit to the earthly plane without sacrificing its spiritual magical powers while simultaneously stripping them of the agency to use them, turning them into the tools the Evanuris needed to continue their rule.

We learn at the Shattered Library in Trespasser that elvhen and spirits were very familiar with each other, implying they had a common origin or nature, even that elvhen could choose to remain spirits, the fact they could sleep for centuries in Uthenera living in the Fade without their bodies dying would too indicate they're related somehow. The Evanuris are not specifically mentioned as retaking a spiritual form, it is however implied they were shapeshifters and favoured the form of massive powerful creatures who could exist both on ground and on air, dragons. Liminal creatures, much as they might have been themselves, neither here nor there. The dragon form was exclusively theirs, others could not “take the wings” and were punished/exiled for doing it.

The Forgotten ones may have been mirror aspects of the Evanuris who got, well, forgotten as they may have been way less popular among the people. The fact they were antagonising the Evanuris tells me they were on similar if not the same level of power/skills. The Forbidden ones could have been similar spirits-turned-people who “abandoned form”, ie returned to their spirit existence to escape the war of the Evanuris against the Forgotten Ones or the Titans. May have been elvhen servants, slaves, warriors who refused to fight a senseless war that only served the Evanuris ego and power hunger.

Then we have Solas, Fen'Harel, possibly also a powerful spirit perhaps summoned or recruited by Mythal, on similar level as the Evanuris and Forgotten ones, powerful enough to trick and imprison them all in two different levels of reality at a time when said levels knew very little distinction. He created the Veil. And while the Evanuris were trapped in the Black City, the Forgotten ones were left in “the Void”. So far his relationship to Mythal is unclear. He may have been a servant of hers, a guardian, her champion, we just don’t know yet, but it’s clear they were close. There’s a line from Cole in Trespasser “He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face ” . “He did not want a body but she asked him to come” sounds like a spirit being summoned. “He left a scar when he burned her off his face” , Solas not only has a scar on his forehead, but as Fen’Harel he erased the vallaslin of former slaves, and even offers to do it to a romanced Lavellan. Solas may have been a spirit summoned by Mythal who later for some reason decided to release himself from her service by erasing her vallaslin off his face. My guess is this may have happened after her death.

Whatever Solas’ origin is, he was powerful enough to reshape the structure of the world, and what once was all one plane became torn apart from itself. A physical world interwoven with the Fade and connected to the Void became stratified in one a strictly spiritual plane (Fade) above in the sky, a strictly unmutable physical plane (Thedas) below it, and an inaccesible abyss (Void) presumably somewhere in the underground. Still, it's interesting and worth noticing that even in Evanuris times the Void was below the rest of the world. (Andruil “descends” into the Void for her maddening hunting trips).

Next we have the issue of the Old Gods of Tevinter. It is believed the Old Gods have dragon forms that slumber in the underground and that they communicated with men through dreams, teaching them secrets of magic the then new human civilization used to build a powerful empire.

There are considerable similarities between the OG and the Evanuris, not just in number and attributes but I suspect also in nature.

Maybe, just maybe, the dragon forms were like mounts. Mindless creatures the Evanuris could possess, or maybe by getting trapped away from the physical world somehow the Evanuris had their spirit severed from their bodies, with their spirits trapped in the fade and their dragon bodies -that they most likely used for battle- parked in the Thedas underground garage. Remember ancient elvhen could separate spirit and body while sleeping without their bodies dying, when they entered Uthenera, and while that suspended state lasted, servants would tend to their sleeping bodies. Maybe that's what darkspawn originally were. Servants charged with looking after the Evanuris dragon bodies while not in use, trapped underground after the Veil was created and drove to madness like the rock wraiths of the primeval thaig, who later became darkspawn. By the time the Magister Sidereal reach the Black City the corruption, the Blight, already existed. The Blight exists since Evanuris times. For all we know the Blight is an inmmune response of Titans treating the elvhen as parasites/viruses attacking them, assimilating them somehow – as Titans/dwarves had a hivemind, so do the Darkspawn through the Archdemon's song-. If the dragons sleeping underground belonged to the Evanuris and had servants looking after them, i imagine being trapped in the Void for millenia, a place that even pre-Veil had corruption, must have affected them gravely. 

It most likely took the Evanuris some time to recover after getting trapped away from the world by Solas. And when they finally gathered the strength to project through dreams, say they find human dreamers instead of their own people and learn the world they knew is destroyed, the elvhen are conquered, enslaved, abused, powerless. The elven people are no longer of use to the Evanuris so they turn their eyes and attention to the conquerors, the powerful ones, the ones they can use. So the Evanuris take on new identities as the Old Gods (as the humans wouldn’t adopt the same gods as the conquered, defeated people), and begin manipulating humans in dreams, sharing ancient powerful magic with them, proving they're real, guiding Tevinter into hegemony.

The Tevinter imperium becomes the spiritual successor of Elvhenan. Powerful empire ruled by mages under the banner of powerful entities built on the back of slaves and the abuse of magic falls and is replaced by....a powerful empire ruled by mages under the banner of powerful entities built on the back of slaves and the abuse of magic? Yeah.

The Evanuris played Tevinter, though, played nice and friendly for a while, built up that human trust in them, made them rely on them, only to suddenly and without any warning ghost them, pulling humans into despair, fear, anxiety, fear of abandonment, fear of losing all the power they had amassed. Until suddenly gods started talking again, and now humas were so terrified of losing them twice of course they'd do anything the gods asked of them without any doubts, of course they'd blindly follow their gods' requests no matter how outrageous or great. So Old God say “break open the Veil, hop on into the Fade and join us in power to rule as gods” and they just go for it.

It's possible the Evanuris wanted to possess the Magister Sidereal and that's why each old god's priest was present. But shit happens and everyone gets tainted. Now with the Veil temporarily broken it's also possible the Evanuris spirits were drawn to their dragon forms underground, unfortunately unable or too weak to awaken them themselves -possessing powerful mages, dreamers at that, would have been an entirely different story. So they use an ancient “connection” with the descendant of their servants, now turned darkspawn, compelling them to find them and dig them out at any cost.It's been said time and time again the darkspawn taint the Old God dragons and turn them into Archdemons but it's not entirely impossible the dragons are already tainted, and that's how they can connect with the darkspawn in the first place.

This would explain why Solas is so against eliminating the Old Gods, why Flemythal and Morrigan had knowledge of rituals to separate their souls from the dragons. I suspect the Old Gods ARE the Evanuris, or vessels of their spirits at the very least. Among the constellations found via astrariums there's one for each Old God, but also one called “Draconis” which doesn't match any Old God and is suspected to have been the representation of an 8th Old God that got taken down from hystory (there's one of a wolf as well..). The “god” that got eliminated was Mythal and of all Evanuris she's the one most strongly identified with and represented as a dragon. Not only that, the dragon in Draconis is one with a single tail body and its two wings open rising in flight, very reminiscing of the half-woman/half-dragon statues of Mythal where the lower female body is shown wearing a long skirt.

Side tracking a bit here but we know who from the Evanuris were problematic: Elgar'nan was too impulsive and violent, Falon'din was an attention seeking arse who relished so much in the worship he received he actively promoted war to increase the number of deaths and therefore the following he had as “guide of the dead”, Ghilan'nain was the elvhen equivalent of a mad scientist gene-splicing anything that moved, Andruil was a blood thirsty hunter and possibly also hunted for slave labour. Mythal was a judge and possibly the voice of conscience of all of them until perhaps they tired of hearing her draw lines for their antics and decided to take her off the picture for good, and Fen'Harel was most likely one of Mythal's champions/warriors/knights/guardians who got done with all the infighting that cost the life of his dear friend and was destroying their world. The remaining three don't really appear much in the lore available, Dirthamen is Falon'din's twin yet as god of secrets and knowledge (similar to Razikale, the Old God of Mystery, one of the two Archdemons left) there's not much known about him other than he loved his brother.

The ones we least know about are June and Sylaise. June god of craft and Sylaise Hearthkeeper were apparently a couple, married, and makes sense because much of crafting requires a constant well kept fire. I suspect they were on the neutral side and may have aided Fen'Harel in secret, because when you mix a god of crafts with a goddess of the hearth you get a forge and the Dread Wolf's base in Trespasser had an armory and ancient elven armor and weaponry were nicely designed. Solas doesn't have anything to say about them ever during the entire game, unlike how he reacts to Andruil and Falon'din, and unlike the Dalish myths of him with Ghilan'nain ...as far as i can recall there's nothing that links June and Sylaise or even Dirthamen with Fen'Harel, specifically. It's so clean a slate it's almost as if it was squaky cleaned on purpose to hide something...

And that’s all for now. It’s a lot to process, I know, my head hurts too but it’s finally out of it. I’m leaving a lot of minor details out because this is already long enough. In the near future i’ll hopefully analyse some characters like Ghilan’nain and Andruil individually.

Thanks for reading!

[the-light-followed]

EQUAL RITES (1987) [DISC. #3; WITCHES #1]

“‘Where does it say it?’ said Granny triumphantly.  ‘Where does it say women can’t be wizards?’  

The following thoughts sped through Cutangle’s mind:

…It doesn’t say it anywhere, it says it everywhere.  

…But young Simon seemed to say that everywhere is so much like nowhere that you can’t really tell the difference.  

…Do I want to be remembered as the first Archchancellor to allow women into the University?  Still…I’d be remembered, that’s for sure.”

Rating: 6/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: Yeah, if you like magic and bad puns, you’ll be fine.

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

Equal Rites does not mess around.  It’s early Discworld, so you’ve still got a little bit of that High Fantasy vibe to it, where sometimes Pratchett just spews fantastical-sounding terms and concepts so that the reader can’t forget that This is Fantasy, We Are Not in Kansas Anymore, Folks!  And to be perfectly honest, a lot of the plot, especially the early stuff, is kind of forgettable.  There’s a lot of people talking to people about doing stuff before the actual doing gets done, if you know what I mean.

But that doesn’t really matter, because Equal Rites has important shit to say and, by god, Pratchett is going to say it. And in case you didn’t bother to read the book itself, you can tell just by looking at the title that a) it’s about gender inequality in the magical community, and b) there’s going to be puns. So many puns.  Sir Terry, please, take pity on me.  I just don’t have the time to go around explaining to every person I meet on the street why this kind of thing makes me absolutely batshit feral for the Discworld.  

I love it so much.

Anyway.  Equal Rites is the story of Eskarina Smith, or Esk, the first ever female to be born a wizard.  The whole concept of ‘the eighth son of an eighth son is chosen by the magical staff of a dying wizard to become a new wizard’ brings up a lot of questions for me—a lot of questions that will never be answered—but if I ignore that and just accept that it’s true, then by Discworld tradition Esk is undeniably a wizard. She is the eighth, uh, child of an eighth son, chosen at birth by the magical staff of a wizard who promptly dies and decides to be reincarnated as a weirdly randy tree and then, later, as an ant.

…Cool, I guess.

More importantly, and also by Discworld tradition, Esk undeniably cannot be a wizard, because she’s born female.  Honestly, Pratchett might as well have named this Sit Down and Shut Up While I Talk About Gender Roles and Gender Inequality, You All Are Going to Listen to Me Because I’m Going to Make Bad Puns While I Do It.

Over the course of the book, Pratchett does some deep dives into what it means to be a witch, what it means to be a wizard, how they’re the same, how they’re different—and why none of that actually matters.  For something published over thirty years ago, I think Equal Rites holds up incredibly well as a conversation on gender and society, and it’s still just as relevant as ever.  It just goes to show that a) writing with thought, kindness, and care makes for a timeless product, and b) society really hasn’t made that much progress since 1987, has it?  It’s a little sad that the issues Pratchett wants us to think about here are still just as recognizable and just as common in the world as they were thirty-three years ago.

(Kind of as a side note, there are definitely things I don’t think Pratchett considered about the basic premise he’s set up, namely that just because Esk was born with a certain set of genitals, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about her gender.  I’ve seen a lot of discussion, especially on the internet, about trans Esk, and trans wizards and witches, and what that would mean for the Discworld universe—really interesting stuff, things people should definitely look into, but not what I’m going to focus on here.  I would highly recommend that people think about it, especially cis people like me. It would be wrong to go through Equal Rites without even bringing it up, even if I read the text as more as a discussion of gender roles rather than gender identity. Since Pratchett was a cishet man writing this in the 80s, I’m also willing to bet it’s what he was intending. But it’s still an important conversation to have.)

Anyway, let’s jump in and look at the dichotomy that Pratchett is setting up for us!

What is a witch?  What is a wizard?  How are they the same, and how are they different?  Why does that split matter?

I did the messy work of going through my copy of the book and highlighting every instance where definitions are provided for ‘witches’ and ‘wizards,’ specifically so that I could run a compare-contrast, and I want to point out right off the bat that basically all of the details on so-called ‘defining’ features of these two schools of magic are provided through characters and their POV—direct dialogue and thoughts—not by word-of-god narration or omniscient POV.  So, obviously, we have to run all this through the internal bias filter; this stuff is all what people believe about wizards, witches, and magic, not necessarily how things are.

What makes a witch, according to Equal Rites:

Magic out of the ground

Dress in black to look the part

Witches bow. They’ve got to be different from everyone else; it’s “part of the secret” (headology)

Cunning, old (or they try to look it)

Suspicious, homely, and organic magic

Appearance of magic can do more work than actual magic (headology)

“Leaving the world as it was and changing the people”

They can “Borrow” and work gently

“Fighting her [Granny] was like swatting a fly on your own nose”: if you don’t struggle and make waves, you can do a lot with less outright power

Do the messy, practical stuff, not just the flash

Always, “without exception, women”

What makes a wizard:

Magic out of the sky

Over-the-top ways of dressing up to look the part, often with robes and sequins

“Books and stars and jommetry.”  (Granny absolutely does not know what geometry is, or what it is for.)

“Talked too much and pinned spells down in books like butterflies,” and looked at “numbers and angles and edges and what the stars are doing”

Wise, old

Powerful, complex, and mysterious magics

Magic is condensed out of the air and into the staff, and used by the wizard

“Magic changed the world in some way, wizards thought there was no other use for it”

Can’t “Borrow,” only take/seize control

Too busy with the “infinite” and “never noticing the definite”

 Always, “without exception, men”

Witches “normally work with what actually exists in the world,” while a wizard can give thoughts shape, “put flesh on his imagination.” Witches learn to walk softly and move over and around an obstacle, while wizards puff up and fight to go straight through it.

Witches “need a head.”  Wizards “need…a heart.”

In short, witches are self-taught, intuitive, grounded in reality, and fluid in their magic use—when they actually use it at all.  They work with what they feel and what they know about the world.  Wizards are academics and learn from set rules and their books, and their magic is often over-complex, overpowered, and difficult to control.  Wizards are more rigid and structured in their magic use—ritualistic, even—but less connected to reality or grounded in the real world.

And, of course, both groups wear fabulous outfits and dramatic pointed hats!

Just look at ‘em.  Such wonderful weirdos.

The more I look at the ‘definitions’ like this, all laid out and proper, the more I start to think that the witches who do things we would consider ‘bad’ witchcraft are just correctly using elements of wizardry. For example, think about Mrs. Earwig, with her books and rituals, her special tools and fancy dress code; even though she doesn’t focus on the world around her or the people in it, the way a ‘good’ witch would, she’s good at what she does, and so certain in herself that she can stare down the glamor of the Queen of the Elves without flinching in The Shepherd’s Crown.  On the other hand, we have our classic ‘bad’ wizard, Rincewind, who demonstrates some exceptionally witchy tendencies—he’s excellent at headology even if actual magic isn’t really in his wheelhouse, as Interesting Times makes pretty obvious.  And despite the fact that he’s a coward-sprinter who’d really rather avoid danger if at all possible, when it comes down to it, he’s still the man who’ll put himself between the world and a great evil with nothing but trembling knees, a spine reluctantly turned from water to iron, and a half-brick in a sock.  As Granny would say, he walks the line.

So, really, what does gender actually have to do with it? Why is there a distinction at all? Is it actually important?

And to make a long novel short, what Pratchett is saying in Equal Rites is that it’s not.  There’s no difference between witchcraft and wizardry that actually makes for a good reason for a gendered split.  Men aren’t inherently better at math and academia, or as Granny says, “jommetry;” women aren’t inherently more practical, emotional, or intuitive.  That’s a social construct, not a biological one.

And beyond that, even, there’s no real reason for the two ‘types’ of magic to be split up at all.  They might be different ways of operating, but it’s all magic.  Anyone could do either.  Or neither.  Or both.

There’s an early conversation between Death and the wizard whose mix-up with his staff marked Esk as a wizard—just after the man has died, when he’s realized that he’s passed his magic along to a female and, in his mind, made a terrible mistake.  “I was foolish,” he says, “I assumed the magic would know what it was doing.”  But instead of agreeing, Death tells him, “PERHAPS IT DOES.”

It all comes down to what Esk calls magic beyond magic—the reality of the thing beyond the concepts we’ve created to define and confine it.  If we’ve invented these distinctions between ‘types’ of magic, between ‘types’ of gender and the self, then what remains once we’ve removed them?  What happens when we peel them away and see what’s left behind? Why do we cling to our invented categories, the things that limit both sides and create conflict?

I really like that Equal Rites never puts Esk into a specific category.  She doesn’t end the book as a ‘true’ wizard or a ‘true’ witch, but she also doesn’t fully reject either.  As sad as I am that Pratchett never goes much deeper into Esk (her brief appearance in I Shall Wear Midnight doesn’t actually explain much), I’m fine with not having a concrete answer.  One, the other, both, neither—it’s not the point.  Magic is magic.  People are people.  Gender is, honestly, irrelevant.  Beyond the academic divides we’ve made for ourselves, it’s all the same stuff given different names.  Esk does magic, and she is herself, and in the end, she’s not bound by the limitations that witches and wizards put on their reality.

Infinite possibilities!

It’s something the other wizards and witches never get to have.  They’re so locked into what they believe magic to be, what they believe themselves to be, that they never really look outside those boxes.

It’s wild to me that the concept Pratchett is introducing here—specifically about wizards and witches and gender—basically disappears as long as Esk does.  Esk is a really cool character; the idea of female wizards and male witches is fascinating. I want more of all this.  So, I’m genuinely sad that Esk doesn’t reappear again until the Tiffany Aching books, specifically I Shall Wear Midnight—in 2010, more than twenty years after Equal Rites was published.  And we don’t get another wizard or witch or magic-user in general working outside their typical gender alignment until Geoffrey appears in 2015 in The Shepherd’s Crown and asks to become a witch, and even then, the witches take to calling him a ‘calm-weaver’ instead.

I like that the idea eventually comes full circle.  I don’t like that the circle takes thirty years, and goes basically unacknowledged in the meantime.

But the point Pratchett is making is still there in the Discworld, and it never really goes away.  Remember how I said earlier that this stuff—all this ‘witches do and are x, wizards do and are y, that’s how it has to be’ nonsense—it’s all what people believe about magic and such, not how things are?  Pratchett and Discworld are huge on belief.  Belief shapes reality, belief becomes real, and we see that over and over again.  But part of what Pratchett is saying here is that even if we all believe in something, then it doesn’t mean that it’s right.  Just because something is doesn’t mean it should be.

More importantly, though, it also doesn’t mean we’ve locked ourselves in place.  Esk proves that much.  We learn. We grow.  We change our understanding of our reality and ourselves, and we believe something different.  And then the world changes, too.

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

We get to see Granny Weatherwax for the first time!  She’s absolutely fabulous and I love this sharp-tongued bitter old lady so much.  In later books starring the witches we will focus in a lot more on Granny herself as a witch and a person, rather than just as a teacher.

Granny Weatherwax is said to live in the village of Bad Ass in Equal Rites.  In future books, she will live in Lancre.

There actually aren’t that many footnotes in this one.  Since I kind of just…expect footnotes to appear in every book Terry Pratchett touches, despite the fact that they’re super rare everywhere else, it’s almost weirder to not see a footnote every page and a half.

Esk does some magical nonsense—mainly by not realizing the magic she’s doing should be impossible—that ends up “changing the Discworld in thousands of tiny ways.”  This is probably part of Pratchett’s attempt to slowly shift what he started establishing in The Colour of Magic to what we’ll see in later Discworld books, moving from High Fantasy to more of a, I don’t know, steampunk-y magical surrealism?  What even is the Discworld, I ask you?  It’s impossible to describe.  But what Esk does to it here is described as follows: “the wavefront of probability struck the edge of Reality and rebounded like the slosh off the side of the pond which, meeting the laggard ripples coming the other way, caused small but important whirlpools in the very fabric of existence.  You can have whirlpools in the fabric of existence, because it is a very strange fabric.”

We get our first mention of sourcerers here in Equal Rites, but they’re not very well defined. We’re just told that they’re now extinct.  They’ll turn up in a lot more detail in a couple books, of course, once we get to Sourcery.

Favorite Quotes:

“I know what I mean, she told herself.  Magic’s easy, you just find the place where everything is balanced and push.  Anyone could do it.  There’s nothing magical about it.  All the funny words and waving the hands is just…it’s only for…  She stopped, surprised at herself.  She knew what she meant.  The idea was right up there in the front of her mind.  But she didn’t know how to say it in words, even to herself.”

“‘But,’ he said, ‘if it’s wizard magic she’s got, learning witchery won’t be any good, will it?  You said they’re different.’  ‘They’re both magic.  If you can’t learn to ride an elephant, you can at least ride a horse.’”

“The old witch yanked the staff out of its shadow and waved it vaguely at Esk.  ‘Here.  It’s yours. Take it.  I just hope this is the right thing to do.’  In fact the presentation of a staff to an apprentice wizard is usually a very impressive ceremony, especially if the staff has been inherited from an elder mage; by ancient lore there is a long and frightening ordeal involving masks and hoods and swords and fearful oaths about people’s tongues being cut out and their entrails torn by wild birds and their ashes scattered to the eight winds and so on.  After some hours of this sort of thing the apprentice can be admitted to the brotherhood of the Wise and Enlightened.  There is also a long speech.  By sheer coincidence Granny got the essence of it in a nutshell.”

“‘Never mind what I said, or common sense or anything.  Sometimes you just have to go the way things take you, and I reckon you’re going to wizard school one way or the other.’  Esk considered this.  ‘You mean it’s my destiny?’ she said at last.  Granny shrugged.  ‘Something like that.  Probably. Who knows?’”

“Animal minds are simple, and therefore sharp.  Animals never spend time dividing experience into little bits and speculating about all the bits they’ve missed.  The whole panoply of the universe has been neatly expressed to them as things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.”

“‘Why are you holding that broomstick?’ he said.  Esk looked at it as though she had never seen it before.  ‘Everything’s got to be somewhere,’ she said.”

“Why was it that, when she heard Granny ramble on about witchcraft she longed for the cutting magic of wizardry, but whenever she heard Treatle speak in his high-pitched voice she would fight to the death for witchcraft?  She’d be both, or none at all.  And the more they intended to stop her, the more she wanted it.  She’d be a witch and a wizard too.  And she would show them.”

“‘Million-to-one chances,’ she said, ‘crop up nine times out of ten.’”

“For a moment he nursed the strangely consoling feeling that his life was totally beyond his control and whatever happened no one could blame him.”