#cause this shit is dope and well yeah i need to share it LOL

[the-kipsabian]

you know what im thinking

since the spoopy season is upon us

i should bring back that good old asagao!nate/natemare content tho

[its-real]

I was going to wait until I had finished doing all the concept sketches for this but uh, I’m lazy so here take it as it is I’ll keep adding surely surely.

-LONG POST-

AU where the hermits fall into the boatem hole with no way to fly out because of some event that happens - maybe an apocalypse, maybe everyone just goes apeshit, who knows - and they all get messed up heads from falling in the void and passing out n fun stuff like that. They ‘land’ - idk how this would work without them dying lol - in a semi futuristic city which for now let’s just call it Boateqm (silent q). The hermit crabs would also fall at different rates therefore appear in the city at different times. So where do they end up?

Hospital gang:

Etho wakes up in a hospital bed with no memories - most of them will wake up with no memories btw - his doctor/nurse (this hospital may be understaffed) Tango asks him a bunch of questions then has to go see another patient. Etho is seen by a certain Bdubs who had just finished visiting his buddy Scar -will get to him next- in the bed next door. Bdubs walks back to notify Scar, a fashion designer, that the guy in the bed across would make a great model, just look at the striking hair! And the red eye! He opens the curtains on the side and Scar gets a look. He asks if Etho would like to be hired. Etho is to say the least very confused and on the verge of a panic attack that never quite seems to happen so he’s in a weird kind of limbo anyway it is now that his doctor/nurse Tango comes back and having overheard the conversation suggests it would be a good idea. The hospital can only take custody of Etho for so long, might as well start earning money now so he doesn’t become homeless. Etho is still very confused. So Tango just agrees to the job for him as his caretaker lol, and besides Scar comes here kinda often so Tango trusts him. Anyway Etho’s true passions he discovers are synthesisers, breeding horses with Bdubs and finding elaborate ways to do tax evasion. A simple man.

Scar is in the hospital because he got SCAR (hehe) from walking into a glass door in his super fancy house, which he owns because he’s a super fucking rich fashion designer of his own label Scara (this is not the first time he’s walked into a glass door). Scar refuses to go to a rich people hospital tho cause 1) he cares about healthcare and wants more funds to go to lower grade hospitals 2) Tango is his mate, and needs a goddam raise. But yeah, very successful, ran for mayor once but someone really didn’t like that which resulted in another hospital visit. Mans in the wars. One hospital visit he got really inspired by the fabric and stuff there so he had a line of clothes that were hospital inspired one time, in turn making hospital inspired garb very trendy for a bit. What a mad lad. Ideas man. Some would call him a genius if he didn’t keep on walking into glass doors n shit. Scar woke up in the back room of a small tailoring shop owned by a nice old couple who took him under their wing. He thanks them in every award speech, and whenever he’s in the area make sure to stop by and give them presents. His side hobby is gardening.

When Tango came to, he was lying on the footpath of a quiet street in the suburbs just out from the main city. Gorgeous day, golden hour, pretty houses, very aesthetic. He also had a leg injury, fuck. So Tango did what anyone would do: hobbled to the nearest house, asked in the nicest way he could under a lot of stress (so he kinda yelled) for a first aid kit, and performed surgery on himself atop the nice families dinner table. The nice family turned out to have called the police and an ambulance, who showed up just as Tango was wrapping up his leg with a bandage and took him away to the police on a stretcher. This debacle got him a leading story on the local newspaper: ‘Man performs surgery on himself after waking up with no memories and a leg injury’. After being questioned by the police, they decide they can’t really charge someone with amnesia and no money with anything like breaking and entering (he did knock and they did let him in) or property damage (blood on the carpet). The paramedics are stunned at his surgery, so they tell the police to take him to the nearest hospital and get him hired there, he could save so many lives. He gets hired by the head doctor after an examination of the surgery. The head doctor doesn’t really care that Tango doesn’t have any records or anything, the hospital is understaffed and Tango seems like an Angel sent down from the heavens to him. Tango is very very good at his job. So good that he gets offered a job at a far better paying hospital which he takes, then soon drops because he prefers the chaos of his old job much better.

Tango found Impulse extremely dehydrated, looking like death, wandering outside his flat one night, so he carried the man inside and saved his life. Now they are flat mates, and Impulse works in a tech store - an upgrade from working at a service station previously.

Bdubs woke up in an inner city park at night, homeless, broke, and in the company of other homeless and broke people. He built his way to success, got luckily hired by some rich asshole to mow their lawns plural - the rich asshole didn’t ask much questions, he just saw a poor man criticising the way a park had been landscaped to an old guy in a caravan and though it was good enough, seeing as the last one quit - and Bdubs didn’t mind too much, because the rich assholes property was really gorgeous. Once Bdubs was able to say he had work experience and wasn’t homeless he started babysitting the kids in the neighbourhood, pretty good money. Plus the kids love him, and everyone he meets loves him, he's just a nice guy. He met Scar because he had to purchase a suit for a kids birthday party, so he went to the cute little tailors shop he always walked past on the way to his favourite cute little gardening supplies shop. By now Bdubs had been promoted to part time gardener - the job is shared - and started working on and off at a building firm. They become besties, turns out Scar is also really into gardening etc etc. Eventually Bdubs becomes an architect, mainly designing for city contractors n such but occasionally designer homes, like the one he did for Scar.

Mumbo and Grian wake up in the hospital around the same time that Etho is still there, however Etho has been awake longer, and should really find a place to stay soon now that he’s got a steady job. Since - ok plot point here - the two are in the exact situation that Etho found himself in, he starts to feel like something weird is going on. Mumbo and Grian take a lot longer to recover than Etho did, and the two become hospital bed neighbor buddies. When they finally recover Scar offers them a temporary place to stay at his house while they find work. Tango gets Impulse to put in a good word for Mumbo at his work.

Nomads:

TFC is an old man who lives in a caravan off the money he made being a very successful miner, he now collects pretty shiny rocks and gems and stuff to give to kids. He’s like an all year round caravan Santa and wise old mystical figure. Dope.

Joe is a humble man who likes to wander. He’s never had a home, but if he needs anything he’ll go to TFC’s caravan or a homeless shelter or something. But he isn’t sad or anything, he really likes the freedom of being a simple wanderer.

Others:

Keralis is a business partner of Bdubs. Kerlalis is mega stonks. He was one of the first to land, had a big diamond in his pocket, bought shares in a company that blew up soon after and now he is really fucking rich.

Doc and Ren are the only ones who remember anything, and they arrive at the same time. Doc manages to keep his cool, but Ren loses his shit and gets thrown in a mental institution. Doc spends some time trying to get Ren out, and after a final success and laying low for a bit the two seek to bring all the hermits together.

Pearl ends up working in Bdubs building company.

Beef works in a music shop -sells records and instruments- and he starts up a record label out back after his boss retires and passes the shop onto him.

And yeah I don’t really know the other Hermits that well was hoping some of ya’ll could help me find places for them in this city :) don’t really know how to format this either so maybe some input would be nice, just wanted to get the idea out hehehe

[ramp-it-up]

Cuddle Buddies

Pairing: Roommate! Rafael Casal x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Minors DNI, RPF, angst, cursing, pining, jealousy, suggestive language, butt slapping, fluff! No smut!  All errors my own. I apologize if you like the smell of patchouli, lol.

A/N: This is an answer to the following ask from @teatro-dira :

Okay so I don't know if this is kinda weird but like an Rafael x reader were they are like really cuddly(like a lot of hugs, cuddling and stuff) friends and roommates and everyone teases them asking them if they're dating. Then Rafael gets a girlfriend which makes y/n lowkey feel betrayed and jealous, but he doesn't realize that. Y/n accidentally ruins their relationship(you chose how). They get into a fight, but it ends in fluff. Hope you understand what I mean:)

Here it goes! I hope you like it!

———-

A series of unfortunate events led you to this situation six months ago.

You were subletting Rafael’s apartment in Santa Monica when production wrapped a month early on his project in Vancouver. He had nowhere to go, and neither did you, so you agreed to share the space.

You vibed, almost as much as he and Daveed did. Folks began to call you the fourth Muskateer, for as much as you, Rafa, Daveed and his girl were always together. 

You all talked, smoked, and created together. You and Rafa especially were always all over each other, keeping each other warm under blankets on the couch, watching movies while you ran your fingers through his hair, in one or another’s bed watching videos, or writing in tandem. 

It was all good, cause Rafa was being a man-whore at the moment with several ladies, and you were just chilling. It was dope. 

Almost.

It would have been all the way dope, except...

Except for the fact that you were in love with Rafa.

You loved sharing the same space with him, because you could smell him when he just got out of the shower, play in his silky hair, and feel his strong arms around you. And when he wore grey sweats…. Damn.  You and your little bullet celebrated every time that happened.

Everyone could tell, except for Rafael.  People ragged on you two so hard, that you vehemently denied it every time, to the point of getting heated.

One night, you side eyed the teaser through a cloud of smoke after catching Rafa’s grimace when they said you two should get together.  Your mood sank at what you perceived was rejection.

“I would NEVER get with Rafa, that’s the homie.  He’s like a brother to me. Ugh. Getting with my brother? No way. We’re just Cuddle Buddies.”

Rafa blinked and then took a toke.

“Exactly, we the homies. Platonic Ride or Dies.  It’ll never happen.”  He passed what he was holding and then stood up. “Cuddle Buddies till the end.”  He sounded disgusted.

“I’m going to go get some food. I’m hungry. What does everyone want?”  After everyone yelled out their orders, you offered to come with.

“Nah, sis.  I’m good.  Gonna clear my head. I’ll be back soon.  Rafa peaced out and you sat back down with the crew.

-------

Ever since that night, Rafa seemed a little distant.  He was always busy, and never had time to sit and kick it with you the last couple of weeks.  You all never seemed to link.

One night, he was home when you came in with groceries.

“Oh shit, I didn’t know that you’d be here!” You put the groceries down on the counter while Rafa was at the stove, cooking up some pasta with marina.

“Mmmmmm. Smells good!” You went and stood very close to him, expecting him to give you a side hug, at least.

He just turned and glanced at you, a smirk lifting one side of his face.

“Will you never learn to keep an umbrella in the car? You always come in soaking wet from the rain.”

Here he was, shaking his head that you didn’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain.  How could this talented genius ever want to be with you?

You just played it off, as usual. “I’m starving. I didn’t think I would make it through cooking, but you’re always clutch, Rafa!” 

Rafa stood there and gaped at you.

“Uhhhhh… I thought you said you were driving down to the Vista to see your mom… I have someone coming over for dinner....”

“No.  She’s decided to go on a cruise to Cabo with her bestie… she just called and told me as she was boarding the ship this afternoon.  The hussy. Tryna be fast with her little friends.”  You laughed.

“So, who’s coming over?  UTK? Wayne? Jimmy?”

You jumped up on the counter and watched as Rafa put some french bread with butter and garlic in the oven.  Smelled like heaven.  Those guys would definitely invite you to stay.

Rafa wiped his hands on the towel that was hanging on the stove. And turned around to face you.

“Her name is Aurora.”

It was like he’d punched you in the gut. He’d NEVER brought one of his heauxes around. You fought the urge to double over, even though you felt nauseous.  When you looked at him, he looked concerned.

“Hey, you okay?”

You jumped down from the counter and quickly nodded your head, laughing weakly.  

“I...uh.. Yeah.  Like I said, I haven’t eaten since breakfast, expecting to be at dinner with my moms by now.”

You grabbed your groceries, putting them up quickly and grabbed an apple, taking it to your room.

“I’m going to get out of your way in a minute, I’ll go over to Carla’s and hang with her tonight. We’ll probably go out and do what we do, you know?”

Rafa still looked worried.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You need more than an apple. Look, stay…”

“NO!”  Your voice was raised and it startled you.  “I mean, I’m not one to be a cock blocker.  I’ll just get my stuff and get ready to go.”

Rafa just watched as you scurried into your room. Why did you feel like crying?  Why did you feel as if you would never breathe properly again?  You got out your phone and called Carla.

20 minutes later, you exited your room dressed for the club with your overnight bag.  There was a strange smell in the room, and it wasn’t pasta.  It was patchouli.  You HATED patchouli.

You didn’t realize you were giving the gas face until Rafa came out of the kitchen followed by a short, but cute woman, with a body like, whoa. 

Of course.

Rafa glared at you and you fixed your face.  That bestie telepathy was on point. Then he looked up and down, as if he were judging your freakum dress.  Well, fuck him.

“Oh, hey!  Y/N, this is Aurora.  Aurora, Y/N.”

Aurora ignored your outstretched hand and went in for a hug. 

“Y/N!  I’ve heard so much about you that I feel like I know you intimately, just like Rafael.”  

You tried to keep your face straight in reaction to her scent, then gave her a sideye. 

Was it the inept way she rolled the ‘R’ in Rafael, or the thinly veiled shot at your relationship? Either way, you felt like slapping the shit out of her. You looked at Rafa, but then just cleared your throat.

“And I’ve heard so much about you as well.  You’re all Rafa talks about.” He shook his head behind her.  “Nice to meet you, but I’m headed out for the night.”

It was then that Aurora saw your bag and brightened up.  

“Oh!  You do look nice. Are you leaving, you sure you don’t want to stay?”  

You could smell insincerity a mile away. Even patchouli couldn’t cover that up. You just smiled at her.  

“No ma’am.  I’ve got places to see and people to do.”  You winked at them as you walked out of the door, holding up your umbrella.  “Stay dry y’all.”

You made it out the door without crying of jack slapping that little bitch or Rafa.  You were winning.  

But why did it feel like you’d lost everything?

-----

You and Rafa successfully avoided one another for days.  He was either over Aurora’s or you were with Carla, your mom, or just stayed in your room.

One time you passed Rafa and Aurora on the couch watching a movie on your way to the kitchen to get something to eat.  Rafa’s head was in her lap.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard Rafa’s slightly raised voice say: “Don't’ mess with the swoop, Babe.”

‘Babe.’ He called her Babe. That’s it. It was time for you to go. 

You were cramping Rafa’s style.  You just tiptoed back in your room, making little to no noise so that they could watch the movie in peace. You didn’t see Rafa looking at your door after you went in.

----

A week later, you let Rafa know your move out date.

“Wait. What?”

Rafa’s mouth was open. You repeated yourself.

“Well, I’m going to move in with Carla. She’s going to let me ride her couch until this other place comes open in three weeks. It’s a sweet deal, near the studio….”

Rafa’s mind was racing, you could see the gears turning.

“Well… why don’t you just stay here until then, we got a good thing going.” He looked upset. What was up with him?

“Rafa… I’m just in the way.  You’ve got Aurora…”

“Hold up, wait.  We aren’t even that serious.  I mean, I just stopped seeing Bev and Chrissy. He looked at his watch. Last week.”

You laughed at Rafa’s fuckboi ways.  “Well, what about me? I might want to date someone and bring them over…”

Rafa’s face changed.

“Bring someone over here…”

But it didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a threat.  

It was your turn to stare at Rafa.  “What the hell…?”

He straightened up.  “I mean, any of your guests are welcome here.”

You sighed and shook your head. 

“See what I mean? Things are getting tense, I want us to stay friends, not be tight with each other all the time.”

Rafa grinned.  “You said ‘tight.’”  He dodged a couch pillow thrown at his head.

“What are you, a 12 year old?”  You were rolling.  He really was one of your best friends.  But you needed space to get over yourself.  And him.

“Okay.  You grown.  But just know that you don’t have to go.  And know that I will miss the hell out of you.”  

Rafa came over to hug you, and he held you longer than normal, and then kissed the top of your head.  You looked up at him, still in his arms and it was like…

You cleared your throat.  “Well, I guess I better go start to pack.”

Rafa stepped back.  “Ok.”

Both of you hurried to your perspective rooms.

-----

One night, a couple of days later, Rafael came into your room without knocking.

“What did you say to Aurora?”

You were laying on your stomach on your phone, in just your t-shirt an panties.  You rolled over and looked at him. 

“What are you talking about?”

Rafa wasn’t yelling, but he was keyed up.

“What did you tell her the last time you talked?”

You put your head down to think, then brought it back up. 

“I just said that I was going to miss playing in your hair when we watched movies, that I knew it was your favorite thing.”

Rafa nodded, then shook his head.  

“Y/N, you’re the only one I let touch my hair.  Aurora has barely been allowed near it.”

“That’s…. New.”  You were perplexed.

“No it isn’t. Everyone knows I don’t like people messing with my hair.  Aurora accused me of having feelings for you.”

You were sitting up now, crossing your arms and standing before Rafa.

“That’s ridiculous.”

Rafa looked like he was about to explode. He threw his hands up in the air and walked out of your room.

“OF COURSE IT IS! RIDICULOUS!”  He was really agitated.

“Yeah, I know all too well that you think it's ridiculous for me to want to be with you.  I don’t know what makes you think I’m not good enough for you?”

“Good enough for ME?  You’re the one running around with all the model/actress types, you’re the one who thinks I’m beneath you.  You said so that one night when you said we were ‘Platonic Ride or Dies.’”

“Here we go! Total distortion! Did you hear what you said before I said that?  You said I was like your brother.  Your brother.  You think it’s that disgusting to be with me.”

“I just said that because you made a face when what’s her face said we should be together.”

“I made that face because I was imagining fucking your brains out.  It was probably my cum face.”

You stopped and stared at him, mouth hinged open.

“The fuck?”  You burst out laughing.  “You are mad outta pocket Rafa.” Rafa was rolling too.  “But you ain’t gotta lie.”

Rafa stopped laughing.  

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

He was moving closer to you. This felt… dangerous. He looked up and down your body, and it was the first time you felt uncomfortable being comfortable around Rafa.

“Because you told me that you wanted to just be Cuddle Buddies a month after you came back from Canada. You drew a line in the sand.”

Rafa shook his head at you and smiled, green-blue eyes twinkling. 

“I knew you were too zooted.  I shouldn’t have tried to shoot my shot.”

“Run that back for me?”  You couldn’t believe what he was saying right now.

“What I said was..I wanted to be Cuddie buddies. Cuddie is… you know…”  

He pointed to your crotch.

You looked down, and then up at him again. “I can’t with you Rafa….” 

Rafa tilted his head in that sexy way at you. 

“Can you really not?” 

You were stunned.  Rafa continued.

“But I’m serious. When you came back with ‘Cuddle Buddies,’ I thought you were blowing me off and just wanted to be friends. So, I just settled into the friend zone.”

“Do you mean you’re attracted to me? Rafa, that’s funny as hell. You want me for my body?”

Rafa raised his eyebrows at you. “Hell yeah. C’mon girl. You know you’re fine.” 

Your cheeks heated up. You stared at him for what must have been a solid minute.  The possibilities of this alternate reality where Rafa liked you like you liked him opened up.

“But, Rafa... I don’t wanna be just cuddie buddies.”

“Oh. Ok, Cool….” Rafa cleared his throat and looked everywhere but at you.

“I want your heart.” 

Rafa paused when he heard that and his face fell as he moved toward you.  He took your arms in his hands.

“Y/N I'm sorry, I can't give you my heart.”

It was your turn to pick up your face.

“’Cause you already have it.” 

His mischievous grin made your stomach flip.  But you were mad.

“Fuck you, Rafa.” You were laughing with happiness, despite him playing too much.

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Rafa swooped down and threw you over his shoulder. “I’ve been waiting six months for that invitation.”  

You were trying to kick and scream. 

Raa swatted you on the ass, then smoothed his hand over the cheek that stung.

“The more you struggle, the more you’ll be begging me to stop in a few.”

You struggled some more, but he made it to your bedroom and deposited you on the bed.  He glared down at you, all sexy green-eyed god.

“Try me, Y/N.”

You reached for the drawstring on his sweats.

“If you insist, Rafael.”

-----

Taglist:

@braidedchallah @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @imatyoursurrvicesurr @riiyy @lonelydance @jbrizzywrites @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @anh1020 @sillyteecup @ohsoverykeri @theselilwonders @biafbunny @summerofsnowflakes @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @janthonybitch @curlyhairclub

[sunaswife]

A Suna Rintarou series

Summary: Suna was the best boyfriend you could ask for, after fighting with your inner demons that screamed you were ugly, worthless, and annoying. You finally decided to go the next step with your boyfriend, only to find out it was all a game.

A/N: PART 14 kagsiakwiaksksks ughhhh GUYS ITS ALMOST TIME LAIIAISEHHDUEISJS

Warnings: underaged drinking, smut, guys talking badly about women, heartbreak, messed up shit that you shouldn’t do and a bit of fluff if you squint

Disc seven-slide two: Kageyama Y/N 🤍

You shouldn’t have done that.

You were sitting on the bed and you checked the time, 3 am.

You turned to find Oikawa laying next to you.

How can he sleep so peacefully?

You groaned and rubbed your face.

You were sore all over.

You heard the curtain open and the nurse came in. “You need to go to the pharmacy and get this prescription and then you should be fine in a week.” She smiled and you nodded. She handed you the brace and you thanked her and shook your head when she asked if you needed help.

“Tooru-Senpai.” You shook him gently, “Iwa-Chan marry me~” he mumbled and hugged the stiff hospital bed pillow.

“Oi, I’m not 𝓘𝔀𝓪-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷. I’m Y/N remember? The person you almost killed.” You flicked his forehead and he groaned. “You heard nothing.” He immediately said as he sat up with a sigh.

“Never again.” You mumbled and winced when you moved your leg. “Hey now we match!” He exclaimed but you just gave him and bruh face. “Seriously?” You asked and he apologized. “I shouldn’t have made a bet with you. Now you’re hurt. Just stick to being a setter.” He patted your shoulder.

He mentioned that your skills were hella rusty and you bit back that you haven’t played in two years. He said that you sucked at receiving and you couldn’t be an ace even if you tried. Obviously you are a Kageyama and you are very competitive and decided to prove him wrong. One bad jump and you landed on your knee and now Oikawa was running with you on his back to the nearest emergency clinic. You’re on the phone with your aunt explaining what happened and that you’ll be home late.

The wait was so long and when you were finally seen it was so quick. You slowly took a step on your bad leg and winced slightly but you managed to walk it off. Tooru-Senpai was giving you advice on how to care for your knee and how to walk. His older sister managed to drop you off at home and Tobio was still awake in the room you two were sharing for your stay.

“You didn’t go to sleep? I thought you have practice in a few hours.” You asked and he scowled. “I do but how can I sleep knowing my favorite cousin got hurt because of Oikawa.” He asked and you apologized and sat on his bed, you whimpered and gripped your thigh. He sighed and stood up from his futon. Yes he was forced to give you his bed and he was stuck sleeping on the floor.

He helped you take it off and rub cream to help with the pain. He even gave you some pain killers. You gave him a small thanks but he muttered a “whatever I’ll walk you to the station. I’ll go to practice after.”

Just walk off the pain

Just walk off the pain

Well it didn’t necessarily hurt but there was a discomfort. You could walk but when you had to go up the stairs? Yeah no thanks. Especially in the skirt you’re wearing.

You usually wore black tights with your uniform but because of your knee, you decided not to. You wore the small brace and made your way to your locker. Some boys in the basketball team were near your locker waiting for their teammate and they kept laughing loudly and tossing the basketball to eachother. Right when you closed your locker one of the boys bumped into your side causing you to bump against your locker and the apple of your knee kissed the locker perfectly. “Fuck!” You winced and fell back on your butt. Your textbooks scattered everywhere and everything in your bag fell out.

You cried silently as you quickly gripped your thigh due to the pain. “Holy shit I’m sorry are you—“ “IM FINE!” You raised your voice. Before you knew it you saw the familiar blonde and grey haired boys as they picked up your stuff and your boyfriend easily lifted you in his arms and asked if you were okay. “Rin I’m fine put me down.” You assured and he gently set you down like a fragile piece of china. “Kageyama, I’m really sorry...” the guy said and you looked up and smiled softly and wiped your tears. “It’s okay, just be careful next time kay?” You said and he nodded and immediately turned around with the rest of his friends. Hmm weird...

“Did you guys miss me?” You teased and turned to the three boys only to find them glaring at the poor boy who hurt you. “Don’t start. It was an accident.” You said and pushed the twins while linking arms with your tall boyfriend. “You sure you’re fine?” Osamu asked and you nodded. “This is what happens when all your life you train as a setter only to turn into a middle blocker to prove someone wrong.” You sighed and they literally looked at you and sighed in sync. “You need to be careful. What are we going to do if you die?” Atsumu said seriously and you gave him a look. “Uh..people don’t die in volleyball.” RIP Daichi You told him and he sighed once again. The bell rang and you tried to grab your bag and books out of the twin’s hand but Suna beat you to it and took everything with you trailing next to him. “I can carry that, Rin.” You told him and he shook his head. “If I could I would carry you too.” Suna said and went at your pace which was slower than usual.

He walked you to your desk and like a good boyfriend set down your bag to the side and place the textbooks on the desk. “Did the doctor say you need to sit and rest?” He asked worriedly, “No she actually wanted me to keep walking around.” You replied and he nodded. “Okay cool. I’ll be taking your bags and books so don’t take them after class. Okay?” He asked and you nodded. “I’ll talk to you after.” He said softly and leaned down to give your head a kiss and he made his way to the other side of the classroom.

Your face flushed and you looked down at your desk. You felt eyes staring and you looked up to see almost your whole class staring. This is probably weird to them. At the start of highschool Suna always kept this silent but deadly persona then all of a sudden he’s dating the smartest kid in class. What is this a fanfiction? Yes.

“What are you looking at?” Suna spoke up and the class looked away and sat in their proper seats waiting for the teacher to arrive and start class.

Previously

Up next

Masterlist

A/N: kwhqiwiwoaiwbs next chapter is going to go down kind of lol

A/N part 2: ngl the beginning sounds like Y/N and Oikawa did it lmao

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[ironxkid]

why don't you like endgame or civil war

((hoo buddy, idk what brought this up but salt under the cut!! Like... a lot of salt - specifically regarding Endgame lmao

I’m gonna start off with CACW because it’s a short response lol

I don’t like it simply because I was done with the infighting between the Avengers. The found family crumbs we were given in Endgame was something I really wanted to see, and them just... ripping them apart frustrated me lol

honestly, the movie was... fine? Idk, I found it to be a lil slow for my taste (it felt like it just dragged on when I watched it in theaters), and I just don’t care for it in general  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, ngl, I’m really bummed that Captain America: Serpent Society was a joke announcement because that sounds dope as hell and I really wanted to see that before I realized it’d been a joke dfgjhdsfhj

but, yeah, literally just because CACW is specifically an infighting movie annoys me to no end so I just won’t watch it again dgsfjhsfdhj

now, Endgame?

fuck Endgame

I. have a lot of issues with it, all of which are major grievances throughout the fandom. I’m pissed they killed Natasha and didn’t even bother giving her a fucking funeral because, I quote from Joe Russo, “Well, Tony does not have another movie. Tony is done. And Natasha has another film. And Marvel Universe obviously does not have to move forward linearly anymore. But that character still has more screen time coming.” (see here) and that annoys the hell out of me. She’s getting another movie - great! So you killed one of the few characters doing her fucking best to keep everything together at the compound, the one who was taking charge, give her a big role, and then murk her and... give her nothing but a brief mention at the end. Like... what the fuck? Natasha deserved so much better than what she was given. Tony’s funeral could’ve (and, frankly, should’ve) been a funeral for him, Natasha, and Vision because god forbid we see anyone mourn Vision other than Wanda

(actually this post covers how Endgame fucked over the MCU women perfectly, though Wanda’s not mentioned :c )

plus... Tony’s not done lol - he’s still a massive figure in the films/shows despite RDJ not acting in them, so his character has left shockwaves that aren’t dying any time soon. Natasha... basically disappeared, and I believe she would’ve been dropped completely if it wasn’t for the fact she does have a film coming out soon. Which, frankly, seems awesome and all, but it’s a film that goes back to post-CACW pre-IW and... frankly doesn’t give me any reason to understand why that means she didn’t get a funeral. She’s not coming back in future movies/shows that are in present MCU timeline - her movie is set in the past. She could’ve gotten a decent sendoff 

now, Clint’s arc as Ronin rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s a huge thing in the comics, and it’s not him taking a different mantle that I have an issue with. It’s the fact he, a white man, went around murdering people and got off scot-free. Yes, he was targeting genuinely bad people, but... to show that, they specifically singled out Mexican cartels and the yakuza (Japanese mafia, essentially) - so, in other words, the bad guys were people of color! I feel like I don’t need to explain how fucked up that is. And, to clarify, I love Clint! Clint is honestly one of my favorite characters, and the whole thing was just handled... poorly in the film

Tony’s arc genuinely hurts. This is a man who has suffered for years and has tried to make things right, and finally got a chance to settle down. He finally retired from the Avengers, finally settled down, and had a fucking life he could enjoy despite his ghosts, and yet... His arc ends with a message of “tortured soul finally gets rest by dying”. Because, y’know, it’s great seeing yet another long-suffering character only reaching peace through death, because god forbid they let characters heal! He could’ve still caused the second Snap, and he could’ve survived. He could’ve finally been able to step away for good and focus on his family, focus on recovering, and be truly happy. What’s so wrong with letting him stay alive so he can rest and be with his family? What’s so wrong with letting a long-suffering character finally find peace after one last bang? 

plus it pisses me off that they’re now using him as a reasoning as to why bad things are still happening. Why is this person the bad guy? Because Tony Stark somehow may or may not have done something that hurt them! Even though most of that really stems from Howard or Obadiah. Tony just ends up getting the blame in their place. He’s just an easy target to use, much like the tesseract seems to be the go-to answer for why things go wrong. But this is a different train of thought

Steve’s ending pisses me off just as much as the next person lmao. You take a character who has acknowledged he no longer belongs in the past (which, funnily enough, was written by the Russos), aaaaaaand have him go back to the past while ignoring two important people in his life that were still right there. He got Bucky and Sam back, and he leaves them. His arc is ruined within a matter of minutes, and it paints a hella bad picture of him in the process. He goes back in time to stay with Peggy (which ultimately destroys her own arc, and the fact she’s a person outside of her relationship (or lack thereof) with him because, y’know, why have her be able to move on and be her own person?), and we’re supposed to believe he’s fine with everything he knows from the future? Fine with knowing Bucky’s trapped with HYDRA and is suffering as the Winter Soldier? Fine with knowing HYDRA has infested SHIELD from day one? Fine with knowing Howard and Maria are going to die? Fine with royally fucking up the timelines? We’re supposed to believe he sat back and did nothing with all of that? They could’ve had him still hand the shield over to Sam - they could’ve let Steve stay an Avenger without the mantle

also the fact the Russos said he didn’t recognize Red Skull when he returned to Vormir to return the soul stone? Like... what the fuck?? Not to mention he literally returns the stone to Vormir, which “soul for a soul”, and they didn’t bring Nat back that way??

and now onto Thor. Thor... holy fuck is this hitting something personal for me. Thor was ridden with guilt - he was furious with himself, hated himself, and blamed himself for failing to stop the Snap. He fell into a massive depression, and... was promptly danced around as laughing stock. Like, “oh! look at Thor! he’s fat and drunk because he’s depressed haha!” - like fuck off. It’s not funny in any form. His suffering was made into a joke and it pisses me off because I suffer from depression. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s not funny. It’s fucking terrifying at times. I wasted a shit ton of money on a stupid online sim game because it was a distraction - it gave me... god, I wouldn’t even say temporary happiness, but it gave me something to temporarily help, and I still hate myself for doing it. It was a poor decision on my part, and I wish I could change it. And, during that time, I was scared because I couldn’t see myself pulling out of it. I thought I was gonna feel that way forever. I called out of work multiple times because there were days I couldn’t stop crying (something I still feel horrible for doing), I couldn’t get myself to contact any of my friends for months, and it was all because the medication I was on at the time... stopped working. Thankfully, my depression doesn’t work in a way that makes me a danger to myself, so that wasn’t an issue, but it still fucking sucked. And to see a character that I could relate to on such a personal level treated as laughing stock fucking hurt. I’m not sharing this for sympathy - I’m sharing this because it Thor’s arc hit home and it’s literally the main reason why I will not watch Endgame again

this is more of a nitpick than anything else, but... I didn’t really care for Carol in it tbh? Which is unfortunately because Captain Marvel is one of my absolute favorite movies! And I’m well aware she was introduced in Endgame while CM was being drafted, but that in itself is annoying?? Because Carol was originally going to be introduced in AoU, but was cut because it wasn’t going to introduce her character properly. And yet they decide to introduce her character in a clusterfuck of a movie before her movie is in the final stages, and proceed to release her movie first and then give a complete different characterization in her following appearance

honestly I just wanna cover this now to clarify some things regarding Carter and her backstory: the only reason I keep Endgame as is is because it felt easier for me to do so for the purpose of bending canon for specific threads. I wanted to stay as true to the given plots as possible to help with fudging of both the movies and her background, and also because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was trying to force my own headcanons onto them, y’know? 

I’m just gonna plug this here because fuck it lol, but I did start a fix-it fic regarding Endgame that you can read here! I... probably won’t finish it tbh, and I haven’t gone over it in a hot minute so it might be riddled with errors ahah - plus I’m not sure about how I wrote the characters! I get nervous when writing canon characters because I feel like I’ll miss their characterization completely, which is actually why I,,, rarely rp canon characters dgfjhgsfdhj

also the image in the doc was created by @/archervale!! 

[dawniebb]

Face reveal bc yes

So, guys...especially from the Renegades fandom bc i’m the most active there: you saw the title lmao. This will...barely get notes (i wonder if it’ll get notes at all) buuUUUT YEAH LET’S GOOOO (If you’re gonna reblog pls be respectful bc i have issues and btw reblog ONLY if we are mutuals)

THIS IS ME! <3 HELLOOOO!!!

Now, if you want to stop here, do it. If you don’t...well

I’m going to tell you a story about myself and why I decided to post this.

First of all, I’m not celebrating anything. I’m just celebrating me, I guess (?) and in fact I’ve been wanting to do this since my parents got me a She-Ra cake for my 20th birthday back in May, because I loved that thing and felt the physical need to shove that thing into everyone’s faces But I didn’t because I didn’t feel ready enough...then that thought left my mind, and it came back like two weeks ago.

I’ve had mental issues since I was in like...elementary school. I’m sure I had felt depressed before I turned 12; however, the first memory I hold of feeling so, it’s when I was already 12. Because it was then when I realized that I wasn’t just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to make friends xd To this day, I genuinely feel like I was suffering from isolation bullying; you know xd my classmates purposely excluded me from activities, they would find any excuse for not letting me join their work teams and stuff like that; during my last year at elementary school, I only had like one friend, and that one friend and I shared a sort of abusive/toxic relationship, as in: manipulation, “we’re best friends. you should only talk to ME”, and then this friend turned her back at me too, because she decided to join the rest of the group and ignore me.

lol.

And I remember wondering what was I doing wrong. Like, why didn’t people like me; why didn’t they want to hang out with me; why did everyone seem to have friends except me. And then I got trapped into a very...dark place, and I remember being overthinking one day, because I tend to overthink a lot...and I remembered this specific kid who was in the same class as me.

I was in the line for the teacher to check my homework, and this kid, a boy, was behind me.

You see. I’ve always been chubby xd I don’t think I’ve ever been skinny since I was 2 years old or so, because by the time I was in kindergarten my classmates’ moms were already calling me a ‘little meatball’ thinking it was a fucking adorable nickname because Mexican moms can be pretty shitty sometimes don’t let the media stereotypes fool you not all of them are all cheerful and upbeat and when I was in elementary school, for some reason, besides being chubby, I had a really bad posture. And this boy who was behind me started imitating my way of walking and his friends were laughing, so I turned around and asked him wtf his problem was xd and he turned around to his friends and asked “Do you see how hunchback she is?” like I wasn’t even there xd and I genuinely tried to slap him but I couldn’t, and he said “Yo, stop moving because you’re going to cause an earthquake”

And my mom has always felt personally attacked for the fact I’m...u know, fat. She has always been very insistent on the fact I need to lose weight and stuff like that. And her, mixed with my experiences at school, made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

But my mind started saying things like “And u know why you aren’t enough? Because you’re fat”

Because, like, the day of the hunchback insult, when I told the teacher, who was a very shitty teacher btw but i’m not talking about her again today (i’ve already talked about her in MANY of my university papers, because I’m studying to be an English teacher), she turned around at him and said “Don’t listen to HER” and to this day I still don’t know why xd

But it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Because I was fat.

Lol x2.

To this day, I still don’t know if I have an ED. Like, I genuinely don’t know. But I can safely say that, if I have one, it’s more likely BED... because, through the years, I managed to lose weight when I turned like 15 and I had my quinceañera party, but then first year of high school came and I had a relapse into depression...like, this might come off as a very unpopular opinion, but junior high school was dope for me x’d I remember it as one of the best years in my life, right after my second and third year in high school (high school in Mexico lasts only three years) and so...when I started my first year in high school and got fucking depressed again, I gained ALL that weight back, and even doubled it. During my second year of high school, I met my friends. The friends I still keep with me to this day. And they accepted me like the fucking train wreck I was, failing math like three times in a row and crying about it every single one of those times  because I’m pretty sure I have dyscalculia but my parents won’t listen to me they think i’m just lazy when it comes to math even though they know i cant even read a fucking clock . And them, along with my another very close friend who I met via fanfction when I was 12, helped me go through it. Like, I did have some issues with my body during high school, but not as much as you would expect. They were getting pretty bad in my first and second semester, but during the other four my friends managed to stop me from losing my mind, even when it all went to shit in my third year again for different reasons.

Then I graduated from high school, and I made friends there too. Although my best friends are still my friend from fanfiction, my friends from high school and just one of my university friends. And you know...I was left...pretty scarred from the shit that happened during third year of high school, and even if I didn’t feel like I was *that* depressed, I did gain a lot of weight.

Like, the highest I’ve ever been. Then my dad got sick during October from last year, then my two doggies were murdered god i fucking hate my neighbors the same day my dad was released from the hospital and my mom went kinda nuts during December and I wanted to just...yeah.

So I did a lot of emotional eating. Like, y’all don’t understand.

It was like...I would go to uni and eat a brownie. Then chocolates on my way home. THEN a “a snack” like...fucking rice krispies. Then a huge ass meal, with soda bc why not. Then I would have either cookies or hot cheetos as a treat after my huge ass meal,

I’m a short person xd carrying that much weight was making my ribs and back hurt, as well as my legs and feet; my breathing was freaking awful, and there were some days were I got SO paranoid I just said things like “i’m gonna die today” or “out here trying to get diabetes like the rest of your family, aren’t you??” :’) but i didn’t tell anybody. My parents are not really an option in this case, BUT I didn’t tell my friends, because then I would have to explain that I ate a lot and that was something I was EXTREMELY ashamed of.

When February came, I was scared of going out, because I knew I would have to choose what clothes to wear and nothing fit me anymore and, the things that did, looked super stretched on me and, u know, I was sore. My health was getting bad. But I didn’t like to feel that way.

AND I MUST CLARIFY HERE. I’M WORKING ON THAT. I’M ACTUALLY A BODY POSITIVY DEFENDER, I JUST DIDN’T LIKE HOW *I* LOOKED AND, BESIDES, I WAS GETTING SICK. I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT. I’M NOT SAYING BEING FAT OR CHUBBY IS DISGUSTING. NO. I BELIEVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. AND IF I’M WRITING THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW RECOVERY IS DISGUSTING AND DIFFICULT SOMETIMES AND THAT IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT: I’M SORRY. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE THAT. I SUPPORT YOU. AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. AND NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE TO CHANGE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY. KEEP HOLDING ON.

But going back to the story...

My friends used to tell me I looked pretty all the time, which I appreciate a lot to this day. But my parents were like

Me: I’m fat and I look deformed.

Them: I agree.

Because yeah.

Just before the pandemic madness happened, I went on a school trip with my uni friends and one of them triggered my isolation trauma in the worst way possible...and that, somehow, ruined ALL the photos I took throughout the trip. Because I wasn’t enough. Because I was deformed and fat and I looked like an apple. Because nobody wanted to be seen near me. And my personality was shitty.

Like, I should’ve known I was worth it. I’m still worth it and I know that. But I wasn’t less worth it when I was chubbier. And maybe I didn’t look as bad as my head made me believe. But at the time my mental health was extremely awful.

Now, covid happened.

Not gonna lie. Quarantine fucked me up as much as it fucked everyone else, but for me...by not going out, I stopped being near trigger foods, and I was even able to consult a dietitian.

I’ve lost 15 kg since March. And I’ve managed to love my past self, but I love this one because changing it was my decision. Sure, my parents didn’t help a lot, but in the end it was MY decision. I’ve come to accept I was worth it even when I felt disgusted by myself, and all of those awful things people said or did to me, like my friend during that trip...

I didn’t deserve any of those things. Because NO ONE deserves to be treated that way.  No one deserves somebody else making fun of them. No one deserves somebody else doing awful things to them that they know damn well that they trigger their childhood trauma. No one deserves to be judged for the way they look.

I was in a very dark place, and sometimes I’m still inside there. And like...during all those times, I kept posting in here.

I remember being next to my dad in the hospital, telling him “Guess what? Supernova drops this week” or “We’re going to watch TDP together, right?” or “Let me talk to you about She-Ra...” ....those were things that like...saved my life for a while, though mostly Supernova. Because, actually, Marissa Meyer has helped me in my fucking darkest years x’d from my third year of high school until now.

Her books didn’t take my depression away, but they did make things a little lighter for me, even when I felt like dying.

And I know this fandom is like..full of minors, so...I don’t know if any of you need to hear this: But you’re worth it.

If you want to change anything in your body, do it because YOU want to.

Because YOU’LL like you better.

Because it’s YOUR body, and it’s the only part of yourself that you and other people can touch.

Nobody should ever tell you you’re worthless because of your weight and your physical appearance. And if they ever do, then they’re the ones who should apologize, not you.

Nobody has the right to mistreat you, abuse you, or use your own body against you.

As for me...my ribs don’t hurt anymore. Nor does my back or my feet, and my breathing is getting better; I took the conscious decision to lose weight but, like I said, now that I’m not in such a dark place, I’m staring to realize that the past me wasn’t as hideous as my mind was making me believe. She was okay; she was broken inside, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, nor did she deserved to treat herself that badly.

I posted my photo just to celebrate that I can finally said I’m not disgusted anymore. I can finally see myself in pictures again. And see my own reflection. Or go through my closet. Or do my makeup, because I LOVE doing my makeup and I was even ashamed of that. I’m not fully okay yet, but I’m healing.

So, if there’s any little Dawnie around here: I hope you give yourself a chance and realize you’re beautiful.

I hope that, if you change, it’s because you wanted to do it.

I hope you know that it’ll get better even if the healing process it’s not that easy.

I hope you know there’s people who love you.

I hope you know that you are beautiful. You were always beautiful and, no matter what path you choose, you’ll always be beautiful.

And worth it.

And human.

And important.

Take care of yourself, because you’re wonderful, no matter your size <3

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[nobodies-png]

If each member was a language, what language would they be and why?

I’m assuming you mean from the OrgXIII so here you go ! This was an interesting question lolol - I had to look up and read a lot of articles on wikipedia to make sure I didn’t end up saying bad or weird shit bUT IT WAS SUPER FUN 

Xemnas :

Greek, probably ? The language and culture that rivaled Latin and Rome throughout history and despite it’s age, it MANAGES to still be a living language (if you think I overthink too much about metaphors and shit just wait till you read the rest of answers). It also fits all Scala Ad Caelum’s aesthetic inspired by Greece and all the shenanigans with the Norts ! 

 Xigbar :

LEET Speak just to give every homestucker a heart attack. Maybe just surfer speak, if it counts.  Xigbar would fit Latin perfectly - it’s a dead language and the source of many other languages just like Xigbar is the fucking source of many things that go down in KH. Cryptic and old, like him ! And considering his ties with the KHux Foretellers and such, it makes sense for him to be Latin, right ? 

Xaldin :

I literally have no idea why but I think of Portuguese when I think of Xaldin. I havE LIKE NO ARGUMENTS OR EXPLANATIONS, IT’S JUST A THING (tm) SO YOU’RE FREE TO ADD TO THIS. Or give him a different language to be w h e e z e.

Vexen :

You know when old people try to be hip and come up with shit like How o You Do Fellow Kids / I’ll Krump With You Sweetie ? Yeah that’s him Okay but honestly, when I was a kid I really liked the idea of Vexen just screaming shit in Latin whenever his experiments went wrong. Now that i’m older, I like to imagine the same thing except now he speaks a Slavic language. I wouldn’t be able to tell you e x a c t l y which one, though. But I guess also a language from north Europe would work, like Finnish or Swedish - mostly because the countries remind me of cold weather lol

Lexaeus :

Nghhhh, I wanna say either ASL/Sign Language or Braille - but i’ll go with Braille ! Lexaeus is a quiet man of a few words, so I think it suits him just fine to be a language that doesn’t need to be spoken. And we know he’s tactful and gentle, considering he does a lot of puzzles in his free time, so Braille seems perfect for him ! While he might not actually need Braille, Lexaeus would be that kind of guy who just teaches others how to read and tries to normalize the use of Braille !

Zexion :

A lot of people might give me shit for not making Zexion Latin bUT LIKE LISTEN. THIS SMART BOY WOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE CHINESE/MANDARIN. Think about it, we’re talking about a super flexible language whose entonation can change the meaning of a sentence completely - yes, i’m talking about that one poem that only has ONE word and it still manages to be a fully fledged story. Like, i’m an artist, not a literary major but I still think that’s super smart and dope and i’ll gladly compare that to magic anytime. In retrospect, it matches Zexion’s illusion motif and complex character !

Saix :

Uhhhh, i’d say either Japanese or Russian. Cause both are languages with strong accents and pronunciations which suit Saix’s strong and firm character - and also because Russian reminds me of NASA and space for some reason and Japanese makes me think of that one tale about the rabbit on the moon. Also Japan puts a lot of emphasis in discipline, honor and loyalty too, traits that Saix shares.

Axel :

Axel is definitely Spanish. Not to be confused with the latino dialects from South America ! I’m talking Spain’s spanish ! And no, I didn’t choose this one because it’s an “exotic sexy firey language”, tRUST ME IT’S MY FIRST LANGUAGE AND IT’S ANYTHING BUT THAT - I chose spanish because it’s an abrasive and brash language. Most words (and the insults specially) give the feeling you’re about to spit on someone’s face and be a cocky disrespectful brat OR you’re just a super friendly and extroverted fella - it suits Axel’s previous ruthless mercenary personality with his current and contrasting kind, outgoing self. 50/50.

Demyx :

Okay hear me out, it’s been like 45 minutes since I went researching to write Demyx’s answer and I still don’t know if I have a proper one. I wanted to say a language from India, since it’s where his signature sitar originates from and what else can accompany a sitar better than the language of the place it was pretty much created in ? So researched Ravi Shankar, the Sitar Maestro and a super important figure in indian classical music. But I know barely nothing about that side of Asia, so i’m NOT exactly sure what language he spoke or used in his music ! Like I looked for his songs and they’re in Gujarati, but HMMMM, NOT SURE CHIEF. 

So if anyone feels like educating me on this subject, please go ahead. Otherwise I have to give Demyx the way us millennials talk and oH boy.

Luxord :

I’ll go with the obvious choice here : English. Like, back in the day, most people just HC’d Luxord as a britishman because of his mannerisms and etc etc - but like, it works for him ! He’s closely tied to Alice and Wonderland in both the game and the manga, as well as Pirates of the Caribbean like come on it’s rIGHT there. Also imo, british English just sounds like super polite and elegant, the way Luxord acts most of the time.

Marluxia :

Either German or the language of flowers. German because it’s That Type Of Language™ that seems to have a word for every specific thing, action and feeling no matter how obscure - which kinda seems to suit him somehow ? A language with a rough appearance, intimidating to most people due to the hard sounds but eloquent, deep and extensive ! The other option is pretty obvious, considering his power with nature and stuff - Marluxia is definitely the time to give bouquets and flowers as gifts with double edged meanings and intentions. 

Larxene :

The only one that comes to mind is French. Just cause I think Larxene reads french literature in the 358Days manga - but like, dark and smart stuff only Intellectuals™ can understand. And also because it’s a tricky language to speak properly (LISTEN I TOOK 5 YEARS OF FRENCH AND I STILL DIE WITH ALL THE VOWELS). There’s just something about the way it’s spoken that screams her name. It’s fast paced, coquettish, sounds mature, there’s a lot of sharp sounds. Y’know !

Roxas :

Not specifically a language, but Roxas reminds me of the mix every bilingual person speaks sometime when they can’t remember a specific way of saying or explaining something. Or when your group of friends is mostly bilingual too and y’all just mix both languages and it’s a fucking mess for outsiders ? ( Like “Me cago en la fucking madre que te parió” o “I swear to god pOR QUE ERES ASI” are examples from the groupchat I am, wheeze). So probably Spanish and English ! 

Xion :

I’m torN AGAIN between ASL/Sign Language and Braille. But I think i’ll go with sign language ! Not to get Deep and Philosophical, but Sign Language seems to fit Xion, someone whose voice was silenced by those around her. We know she’s timid and quiet, but she’s also young and energetic, quick and witty around her friends - so unlike Lexaeus who’d calmly read using Braille, Xion is the type who’d sign at the speed of sound when excited or panicking and she’d enjoy sending secret messages to her friends. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

K but if 'don't cha' by the pussycat dolls hasn't been suggested for the johnlock playlist I'm deeply ashamed in the entire fandom (but seriously take a break if ya need one mate you deserve some You Time)

[Intro: Busta Rhymes & The Pussycat Dolls]Ayo, what the fuck you think a record‘Bout Pussycat Dolls featurin’ Busta Rhymes is gon’ sound like?Okay (Ahh), yeah (Ahh)Oh, we about to get itJust a lil’ hot and sweaty in this motherfucker (Ooh, baby)Ladies, let’s go (Uhh), soldiers, let’s go (Dolls)Let me talk to y'all and just, you knowGive you a little situation… listen (Fellas)[Verse 1: Busta Rhymes & The Pussycat Dolls]You see this shit get hot, every time I come throughWhen I step up in the spot (Are you ready?)Make the place sizzle like a summertime cookoutProwl for the best chick, yes, I’m on the lookout (Let’s dance)Slow bangin’ shorty like a belly dancer with itSmell good, pretty skin, so gangsta with it (Ooh, baby)No tricks, only diamonds under my sleeveGimme the number, but make sure you call before you leave[Verse 2: The Pussycat Dolls & Cee-Lo Green]I know you like me (I know you like me)I know you do (I know you do)That’s why whenever I come around, she’s all over youAnd I know you want it (I know you want it)It’s easy to see (It’s easy to see)And in the back of your mindI know you should be fuckin’ with me (Ahh)[Chorus: The Pussycat Dolls]Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?Don’t cha? Don’t cha?Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?Don’t cha? (Ah-ah-ah) Don’t cha?[Verse 3: The Pussycat Dolls & Cee-Lo Green]Fight the feeling (Fight the feeling)Leave it alone (Leave it alone)'Cause if it ain’t loveIt just ain’t enough to leave a happy home (Uh-uh, uh-uh)Let’s keep it friendly (Let’s keep it friendly)You have to play fair (You have to play fair, yeah)See, I don’t careBut I know, she ain’t gon’ wanna share (Ah, ah-ah)[Chorus: The Pussycat Dolls & Busta Rhymes]Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? (Oh)Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? (Like me)Don’t cha? Don’t cha, baby?Don’t cha? Alright, singDon’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? (Raw)Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? (Big thug)Don’t cha? (Ah-ah-ah) Don’t cha?(Okay, I see how it’s goin’ downSeem like shorty wanna little ménage pop off or somethin’Let’s go)[Verse 4: Busta Rhymes]Well, let me get straight to itEvery broad wanna watch a nigga when I come through itIt’s the God almighty, lookin’ all brand newIf shorty wanna jump in my Aston VanquishLookin’ at me all like she really wanna do itTryna put it on me 'til my balls black and blueishYou wanna play with a player, girl, then play onStrip out the Chanel and leave the lingerie on (Ha)Watch me and I'mma watch you at the same timeLookin’ at you wanna break my backYou’re the very reason why I keep a pack of the MagnumAnd with the wagon, hit you in the back of the MagnumFor the record, don’t think it was something you didShorty all on me 'cause it’s hard to resist the kidI got a idea that’s dope for y'allAs y'all could get cold so I could hit the both of y'all[Verse 5: The Pussycat Dolls & Cee-Lo Green]See, I know she loves ya (I know she loves ya)I understand (I understand, yeah)I’d probably be just as crazy about you if you were my own manMaybe next lifetime (Maybe next lifetime)Possibly (Possibly)Until then, old friend, your secret is safe with me (Shhh… hot)[Chorus: The Pussycat Dolls]Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? (Oh)Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? (Like me)Don’t cha? Don’t cha, baby?Don’t cha? Alright, singDon’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? (Raw)Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? (Big thug)Don’t cha? (Ah-ah-ah) Don’t cha?

(Lyrics from Genius.com)

LOL LOL LOL I love when you guys suggest silly songs like this for the playlist… I highly approve, thank you!!!

(and thank you very much Nonny; I took it easy this week, and it was nice :))

[zoesrose]

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS

pt.2 - January 2021 - March 2021

JANUARY 2021

yasmin puckerman

How your sub legs doing?

zoe rose

It's fine.

yasmin puckerman

If I was you I'd be like iT's fINe wHAT??

but i'm not doing you like that, don't worry

zoe rose

that was funny

but i'm not calling you Miss

but i suppose this week, you are free to call me Zoe

or any other nicknames you're been wanting to use

yasmin puckerman

oh shit

I'm gonna have to think on that.

zoe rose

no rush, I have a feeling this week is just going to drag

yasmin puckerman

It's not all that bad. Bet you could have fun with it.

zoe rose

i doubt it

yasmin puckerman

You already got a nickname from me

zoe rose

What's that?

yasmin puckerman

you got other people callin you Sir?

zoe rose

No, but I'm not sure if I would call that a nickname

yasmin puckerman

petname

zoe rose

A petname insinuates complete freedom, you have to use a title with me

yasmin puckerman

switch up got you splitting hairs

zoe rose

It does have me on edge

yasmin puckerman

you're still gonna be the same you on the other side maybe know a little more what it's like to be me is all and Marley

zoe rose

Thank you.

Sir.

yasmin puckerman

good girl tight Goodnight Zoe.

zoe rose

What's bothering you?

yasmin puckerman

Just got that feeling. You know when you gotta get control, let off steam some of the healthy ways

zoe rose

I understand that feeling all too well.

If you find that you need to (leaf) (smoke) just let me know and I'll come to you.

yasmin puckerman

always take that offer

zoe rose

I'll be right over then

yasmin puckerman

dope

zoe rose

Are you busy tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Free as a bird.

zoe rose

Would you like to accompany me to the club? I need to let loose.

yasmin puckerman

Hell yeah. Let's do that.

yasmin puckerman

so the smight flub babes... creepy fetish murders or regular type masochists what you think?

zoe rose

I think it's the latter.

yasmin puckerman

Me too. They had a chill vibe. I’m guaranteed to like anyone that complements my right hook tho so I trust your judgement more, Sir.

zoe rose

You do have a nice right hook. It's too bad you didn't get to see mine.

yasmin puckerman

I jumped too soon. I know, I know Froggy and I am not sorry

But if we hit up their spot, that should facilitate that.

zoe rose

I'm going to add a

next to your name in my phone

Is it something you want to check out?

yasmin puckerman

thanks I hate it Yeah I think it is. What’s the worst that could happen right? If its shit we’ll leave.

zoe rose

I won't, don't worry.

If we're going to do this, I want to establish some rules first.

yasmin puckerman

You said rules and my stupid ass got horny tf But I agree. I think. What type of rules?

zoe rose

Rules for your safety.

1. You will stay in my sight at all times. 2. When I say stop, that means stop. 3. When/if I say it's time to go, there will be no questions asked. 4. When/if you say it's time to go, I will escort you out, no questions asked.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I’m down. What about if you lose your shit, could we drop rank? Hold up do you ever lose your shit? I can’t see it now that I think about it.

zoe rose

I never lose my shit. I've been described as apathetic on more than one occasion.

yasmin puckerman

I could see it. Aight bet. Got you, Sir. Looks I got plans next Sat night

zoe rose

I'd like to make it a habit to dress you whenever we're together. If that's alright with you.

yasmin puckerman

Whenever we going out somewhere or whenever whenever I’m with you?

zoe rose

The latter is tempting, but we'll stick to the first one for now

yasmin puckerman

I’m cool with that. Had me looking good on that yacht

zoe rose

You did look good.

yasmin puckerman

Speaking of parties and next Friday, the Sylvesters are having a birthday thing. Open bar. You wanna be my escort?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope.

zoe rose

Apparently someone put my phone number up in the girls bathroom somewhere on campus.

yasmin puckerman

You be hitting to good. They tryin to share tips

zoe rose

It’s irritating.

yasmin puckerman

You getting a lot of takers?

zoe rose

Just one was too many, so yes.

yasmin puckerman

did you at least have then send pics? Seems like a waste.

zoe rose

You and I both know that's not how I operate.

yasmin puckerman

True. You busy rn? I’m on my way to my brother but tryin to

quick.

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

cool. can I meet you somewhere?

zoe rose

I'm behind the cafeteria.

yasmin puckerman

omw

zoe rose

(thumbs up)

zoe rose

How's your hand?

yasmin puckerman

purple

zoe rose

It's been a few days, you should have someone look at it.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah that's probably true. Oh shit you know what, I was recently told there's wholeass free medical services on this campus.

zoe rose

I want to know the outcome when you do see someone.

It's amazing what opportunities are afforded to the rich, hm?

yasmin puckerman

Got you. Just set something up for tomorrow morning. At least little ol' me caught up in the benefits. I wonder if I can find a hook up for chiropractor visits

zoe rose

Good girl.

This certainly seems like the type of place that would have something like that. I'm sure if you get a referral from the school any place in town will take it

yasmin puckerman

damn that was new in text form. read the notif off my home screen.

zoe rose

Good or bad?

yasmin puckerman

good. better in person but that's usually cause you're literally fucking me when you say it. it's my performance skills. crushing it.

zoe rose

What are your thoughts on trying something a little more domestic?

yasmin puckerman

Like what?

zoe rose

Household chores, kneeling, things like that.

yasmin puckerman

you know, chores are actually hella unimportant to submission

zoe rose

It's not about the chores.

yasmin puckerman

We could try it out.

zoe rose

That's all I'm asking for.

yasmin puckerman

Aight, you got it.

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

So I was talking to your sister idk to be encouraging about the switch thing and practicing

Now she's cooking Monday night and I think I'm washing her dishes I know I don't gotta tell you that but

zoe rose

Thank you for telling me.

FEBRUARY

yasmin puckerman

You and me tomorrow right?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope. I’m gonna wrap my hands this time.

zoe rose

We can wrap each other's hands.

yasmin puckerman

how romantic

zoe rose

is that what the kids are considering romantic these days?

yasmin puckerman

the kids?

lol okay grandma

zoe rose

I thought it was funny

yasmin puckerman

trust me it was  

hold up, before i get called out trust me it was, Sir.

zoe rose

i'm glad i was able to make you laugh

yasmin puckerman

you know it don't take much you gonna be dressing me?

zoe rose

Yes.

And we're going to apply Vaseline on our faces, necks, and wrists.

yasmin puckerman

the ol vaseline trick, getting serious

zoe rose

It's better to be prepared.

yasmin puckerman

I can’t wait. I like seeing you like that. Badass and focused.

zoe rose

I think I might actually step into the ring tonight.

yasmin puckerman

Really?

zoe rose

I can’t let you have all the fun.

yasmin puckerman

Now I def can't wait.

zoe rose

Why’s that?

yasmin puckerman

I finally get to see if the bark matches the bite.

zoe rose

I see. I suppose you'll see tonight.

yasmin puckerman

How’s your eye?

zoe rose

Fine. The swelling is down and it’s fading.

yasmin puckerman

That’s good. Must have been my magic touch and them peas.

zoe rose

Your magic touch, huh?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah I am the baddest chick Shorty you don't believe me, then come with me tonight and I'll show you maaagic what what

zoe rose

♫ i got the magic stick ♪♬

yasmin puckerman

You getting in the ring again this weekend?

zoe rose

Yes. Are you?

yasmin puckerman

I might just watch you go a few rounds because a, that shit was sexy af and b, hands been fucking twinging so I should probably actually give it a minute. Tired of rubbing it out in the morning with my left hand

zoe rose

Come over in the morning. Give your left hand a rest.

yasmin puckerman

don't gotta tell me twice

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

my fault Yes, Sir

zoe rose

Good girl.

A blunt and some pussy, I can't imagine a better way to wake up.

yasmin puckerman

already know tomorrow bout to be a good day.

(smile blush) (alien)

zoe rose

liked this message

yasmin puckerman

I'm not trying to come rat a g

yo your sister just asked me to fu

it's nbd but your

you hear that one girl yesterday saying how next week is the last fight club?

zoe rose

Yes. Did you ever find out why?

yasmin puckerman

sounded like whoever funds the space is done vacationing here. do you be forgetting we are legit on a whole ass island surrounded by people with bucks. people do drop a lot in the shop but I swear I forget sometimes

zoe rose

That makes sense. Trust me, I'm constantly reminded of it.

yasmin puckerman

guess I just don't pay enough attention

zoe rose

I think it's just always something that's stood out to me. Other people being able to afford what I couldn't.

yasmin puckerman

Now we're slumming it on someone's yacht every other weekend I'm gonna miss the saturday set up tho

zoe rose

What do you think you're going to miss the most?

yasmin puckerman

besides watching you kick ass? it just feels good. Letting shit out. adrenaline I guess.

zoe rose

Yes, it was the same for me.

What if we started something like that here on campus?

yasmin puckerman

like do our own? for real?

zoe rose

Yes, why not?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah house makes bank on books

zoe rose

The real question is: how do we invite people and still keep it a secret?

yasmin puckerman

if i'm gonna be brainstorming, i gotta be high for that

zoe rose

I think you're about to ask me something, so I'll just wait for it.

yasmin puckerman

if I just knock, does that count as asking?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

you tryin to smoke? Sir?

zoe rose

Try again.

yasmin puckerman

do you want to smoke with me, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better, thank you. The door's open.

yasmin puckerman

You have time to chill tomorrow, Sir?

zoe rose

I was actually going to ask you the same thing.

yasmin puckerman

Oh so you was thinking about me

zoe rose

You say that like it's not something I would readily admit.

yasmin puckerman

Not gonna say I don't like hearing it confirmed.

zoe rose

I don’t mind confirming it from time to time.

yasmin puckerman

Loving the family time but, i'm trying to get away for a little bit if you know what I mean

zoe rose

I've just been in my room. Come over.

yasmin puckerman

Yessir. Already grabbed 2 cans of orange.

zoe rose

liked this message

yasmin puckerman

at least this was a good week to go smight flub-less. we still chillin tho?

zoe rose

My sister is coming over tonight, but you're free to join us.

yasmin puckerman

oh damn, I can't I need your sister thinking I'm too busy r that cool I don't wanna get all in on your time together.

zoe rose

Alright. Are you free tomorrow?

yasmin puckerman

as a bird in spring

zoe rose

I'm going to assume that means yes. I'm thinking a beach day, how do you feel about that?

yasmin puckerman

sounds dope. for a person at a school surrounded by beaches I never really hit it up. Never been a beach person

zoe rose

We'll change that tomorrow then.

yasmin puckerman

cool as long as we involve food

zoe rose

I'll have Marley make us something before she leaves in the morning.

yasmin puckerman

want me to bring sum from the toy collection, Sir?

zoe rose

Yes. It's not like me but, surprise me.

yasmin puckerman

yeah, it's hello not but, bet I got us

zoe rose

See you then.

yasmin puckerman

(peace) (alien)

MARCH

zoe rose

Do you have plans on Saturday?

yasmin puckerman

nah, I save em for yo

Nope.

zoe rose

How about Friday night and Sunday?

yasmin puckerman

you making me sound lonely af rn No, none plans. I've just been working tryin to catch up a little after taking days off with my mom here. But I have Sat off and I never work Sun

zoe rose

I want to have your whole weekend.

Please.

yasmin puckerman

in a you wanna tie me up kind of way or a that date you wanted type thi?

zoe rose

In an I would like your company for a full weekend type of way. Scenes and... just hanging out.

yasmin puckerman

Ok dope, I'm in I get off work at 7 on Friday.

zoe rose

Excellent. Consider these orders. From 7pm Friday to 7am Monday morning.

yasmin puckerman

you got it, Sir.

zoe rose

loved this

yasmin puckerman

finished that flyer. Imma make copies at work today

zoe rose

I can't wait to see what you come up with.

yasmin puckerman

maybe I can get some thrown up tonight on the low after you get a look at it

zoe rose

I'll come with you.

yasmin puckerman

dope

zoe rose

These new deans are something else, hm?

yasmin puckerman

I legit had to look bc someone asked me about new rules I’m

zoe rose

I'd rather not tempt fate. Let's find a venue off campus.

yasmin puckerman

whatever you say boss

zoe rose

I'll ask my connect what he knows.

yasmin puckerman

it was only a matter of time before this school tried somethin to put it’s program students in their place. Not here for it. But also can’t catch me giving a shit about a legacy status They can go on, I’m chillin

zoe rose

I've been expecting this as well. Doesn't even phase me when they pull the status card.

yasmin puckerman

the less I think about it the less likely I am to get pissed so, best for everyone

zoe rose

I should be back with Marley soon. Would you like something to eat?

yasmin puckerman

imma be honest, the answer is yes but also I raided your snack stash already Those sweet chili Doritos are

zoe rose

Those weren't mine.

yasmin puckerman

oh shit, then I owe ya roomie a bag of chips

zoe rose

I'm bringing tacos from that place you like.

yasmin puckerman

yesss How did you know I was craving tacos? Damn that just gave me a boner

zoe rose

I had a hunch, I suppose.

zoe rose

How are you feeling today?

yasmin puckerman

Good. I’m tight. No welts or anything.

zoe rose

And your headspace?

yasmin puckerman

Fine. I’m fucking fabulous today. And yesterday. I was fine on Saturday.

zoe rose

Okay, good.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah solid

zoe rose

Are you still up?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah

zoe rose

Come over?

yasmin puckerman

I would but I did a scene and I can’t leave.

zoe rose

Alright.

yasmin puckerman

Look, I was feeling some type of way and I needed to switch it up so You good?

zoe rose

Yes, why wouldn't I be?

yasmin puckerman

Idk It’s a perfectly valid question. You asked, I can. I mean, you didn’t right now but you did

zoe rose

I asked because it's my job as the Dominant to check in on your after an intense scene.

yasmin puckerman

fuck off and Dominants don’t? Damn, wait that came out fast I’m having a whole day. I meanT. Dominant’s need aftercare too

zoe rose

My aftercare was having you spend the night with me and keeping you close.

yasmin puckerman

Ok good wtf are you making me explain me asking how you are? I feel like I’m tripping

zoe rose

You just asked like something else was wrong with me. I misunderstood.

yasmin puckerman

oh my bad I don’t know why I’m so fucking touchy right now I switched my birth control so maybe I’m hormonal

zoe rose

I would like to see you when you're next free.

yasmin puckerman

Tomorrow?

zoe rose

Tomorrow night you're staying with me. These are orders.

yasmin puckerman

good call official orders for the new rules Yessir

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

You coming by right? I picked up on my way home from work.

you wanna taste it?

zoe rose

Say less. Yes, I'm coming over. Damn you look good.

yasmin puckerman

It's GG4 and  

And I'm wet so, please hurry?

zoe rose

Please hurry, what?

yasmin puckerman

please come get your tongue on me, Sir? I had a DAY. Got you a blunt rolled already and my legs open

zoe rose

That's better. I'll be right over.

yasmin puckerman

are you busy?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

I need your help with something

zoe rose

Try that again.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yo for real not right n

I need your help with something please

no, damn. do I really have to do this when its an emerg

Can you help me with something, Sir?

Look I gotta slip out right now or I'm gonna be locked out. I tried to do it myself but I can't fucking get it and I'm gonna lose my shit if I have to deal with this all night. And there's only so many ppl I trust if it can't

zoe rose

Come over.

yasmin puckerman

thank god ok I'm running.

yasmin puckerman

h ey

zoe rose

Having a good night?

yasmin puckerman

I did but I could be having a bett er 1

zoe rose

And how's that?

yasmin puckerman

yeah caus imma need your assistannce i'm gonna fall in the tub

zoe rose

What are you doing?

yasmin puckerman

mmmmmm busy being busy I was think in abt you

zoe rose

Are you touching yourself, Yasmin?

yasmin puckerman

oooooh full namin me you're so cute

zoe rose

That doesn't answer my question.

yasmin puckerman

don't you wanna sho w me how no cute you are or sum?'

zoe rose

Seems like you're still missing something.

yasmin puckerman

porn.gif

can you com  over so I can ride you, please sir?

zoe rose

I'll be right over.

yasmin puckerman

goodgirr (blushsmile x2)

[juvoci]

8 January 2021

This blog can be read in its entirety on JUVOCI.com.

8 January 2021.

One document. One page. Simply thoughts.

But then the question arises: Which font should I write my thoughts in? Every font has its own personality. And where should I post my thoughts? On a blog? On Twitter? On Tumblr? On Instagram? All of them? One of them? None of them? My old school composition notebook which will probably be destroyed in a fire someday?

And then it becomes about someone not reading my writing. What’s the point of writing if no one reads it? But then I tell myself, I should just do it for myself. Read my own writing and I’ll get better at it. And should I promote my writing or is that vain? And is my writing even good enough to be promoted? I don’t want to bother people, offering them a flaming pile of garbage.

And when people tell me they love my writing are they just lying so I don’t feel bad? And when people tell me my writing sucks are they just jealous? Is it all up to me to decide how the world sees me? Is the world what I see it as, and not what anyone else sees, so that only my opinion ultimately matters? Because all is one?

I don’t know.

There are some things you should share with the world and there are some things that you shouldn’t. But how does one know the difference?

Anyways, I want to be a writer. Or... I am a writer...? I’m writing now, so I guess I am...? Uh, well, anyways. Yeah, I love writing. I love words. Typing sentences on the keyboard to me is like playing the piano, conducting a symphony. Language is beautiful. I love the lines which make up letters which make up words which make up sentences. I love how sentences have meaning, but they are also open to interpretation because all language is relative and infinite. There’s no way for me to express exactly what I mean and there’s no way for you to understand exactly what I mean. You’ll interpret my words for yourself, and any certainty you have about what I intended to mean is still just part of your interpretation. It’s an infinite regress, a fractal, beautiful.

I love writing. But here’s the dilemma I have: No motivation to publish anything. Or at least not publish anything in a “formal and edited and professional” way. When I spend too much time “re-reading and editing” my writing, I lose the spark of the original moment in which I wrote it. I lose that muse, that excitement, that inspiration. The moment dies, so to speak. The most natural way of writing, to me, seems to be publishing and writing simultaneously. Sort of like how Twitter works. You write something, and you publish it. There’s no intermediary step. Whatever you write, is published, in real-time. This feels more natural to me, most authentic, most productive. But then there is a fear in me that says “This is too lazy, this is too unprofessional, no one wants to read this crap, you’re just rambling,” blah blah blah... And part of me is like “Yeah, dude, you’re right. This is terrible.” But another part of me is like “Hell nah, fuck that, this shit is dope, you’re writing from the heart, you’re not even editing it, it’s raw expression, it’s dope, and you should definitely publish this and continue publishing everything you write cuz it’s dope.” Lol, and then another voice is like “Yo, I feel like y’all are both wrong. I feel like one of you is being too hard on yourself and the other is being too arrogant.” And then the real me is like “Bruh, I don’t even know.”

See? Now there goes my mind again. “Is that good or bad? Is my writing good or bad? Was that last paragraph terrible and dumb? Am I terrible and dumb?”

It’s such an interesting position to be in because you want to trust yourself but you also don’t want to become so trusting of yourself that you become delusional and blind to the inputs of the external world, but then you think that maybe your hesitation about trusting yourself is causing you to be worse at your craft and thus have less of a chance of being successful in that craft... you know?

But I think that the deepest part of me, my core, my heart, or whatever, wants to trust myself more. I feel my intuition leans in that direction. Because the question still remains: “What if I did trust myself completely? What would become of my reality?”

It’s 3:31 PM on Friday.

Writing Fiction.

Part of me wants to write fiction. I’m so conflicted in this area. I think that creating fictional worlds, fictional characters, fictional stories... it’s all really cool. They are really great ways to explore other worlds and other ways of thinking. But whenever I begin writing a fictional story (and I’ve started literally hundreds — and maybe even thousands — of stories — almost finishing a few of them but never actually finishing one — and certainly thousands of characters... along with languages, planets, species, religions, and more), I always lose the motivation for it before finishing (and usually before coming even close to finishing).

So, naturally, I ask myself: “Why do I lose the motivation to finish these fiction novels?” And the answer has usually been: “Because they’re not relevant.”

Now, I do think that I am quite hard on myself, and I would bet that some of the fictional stories I’ve written could actually be relevant and somewhat successful and influence their reader’s lives... but going back and publishing those stories would feel like trying to relive the past. I’ve moved on from those stories. Publishing them now would be like putting my fourth-grade science project (a “Baking Soda Volcano”) on display. It wouldn’t make sense from a personal standpoint.

I would rather write what’s on my mind today and publish that... which is what I’m doing now, I suppose.

3:53 PM.

There is something really special and interesting about simply documenting my life and my mind. There’s something raw and liberating about it. I’m simply just being me. Not more, not less, just me.

Sometimes I feel pretentious when I’m writing fiction. It feels like I’m trying to escape this world, like I’m too good for this world, like I’m trying to be more than I am, something I’m not.

Is my “real” life so much less interesting than a fictional life? Or could it be that “real” life is in fact the most interesting story of all? I’m starting to believe the latter.

I also haven’t been super interested in reading fiction. Or really anything much for that matter, other than conversations. I find conversations to be the most engaging reading and writing. Because it’s occurring in real-time, it’s a live event, you’re literally engaging with “another being”.

I don’t even have that much interest in reading my own writing. Occasionally I’ll review a few things I posted a week ago or month ago or year ago or whatever... but the vast majority of what I write is never actually read.

Bitcoin / Cryptocurrency.

Bitcoin is really cool. It’s interesting that it’s blowing up now. It has blown up before, but this seems bigger than ever. It’s really going mainstream, it seems. Corporations are buying it, banks are buying it, maybe nations will start buying it soon. Although if nations start buying it then they’re basically forfeiting their own currency, at least to some extent. But I think we should all embrace cryptocurrency. It seems like a great idea. It’s very safe, it’s very easy, there’s a static supply so that inflation and corruption cannot flourish. Sometimes growth takes sacrifice. I think nations should start sacrificing their local currencies for the sake of Bitcoin.

Imagine if the United States of America invested itself in Bitcoin. Imagine the global response. Imagine what that would do to the currency market.

4:05 PM.

I want to be a Thought Leader. I’m eating oatmeal right now, by the way. Oatmeal with fruit and honey and nuts. Good stuff.

Anyways, yeah, I wanna be a Thought Leader. That’s an ambition of mine, I suppose.

What does it mean to be a Thought Leader? Well, first let’s define thought.

What is thought?

Thought is many things, and many more things, depending on how you define it. Generally, I use thought to mean “a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships”, just kidding. Generally, I use thought to mean “idea, inspiration, creation, imagination, realization, literally even the fabric of reality”.

That’s the “bigger” version of thought. However, when I say that I want to be a Thought Leader, I am not referring to that type of thought. I am referring to language. The construction of sentences and the words we choose to use. The meaning we give to words and the way inwhich we use them have a pretty profound impact on our day-to-day reality. I think you’d be surprised just how much your mental and verbal language impacts your life.

This is why we need Thought Leaders. Thought Leaders help keep the collective mind on track. Thought Leaders are masters of navigating the mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of improvement to make still, but one of my talents or skills is certainly a deep understanding of the mind.

Now, some people might call this an arrogant statement. “How dare you claim that you’re a master of the mind and that you should lead my thought!” And, yes, I agree, I understand, it is indeed something of an arrogant statement. But confidence is often confused for arrogance. Michael Jordon, Michael Phelps, Michael Tyson (his birth name is actually Michael, I just googled it)... these three athletes were confidence about their skills and talents. Or were they arrogant? Who cares? This is just semantics. They perform, and that’s what matters.

Well, I perform with the mind, with thought. I understand it deeply. And through this understanding, I’ve cultivated an incredible mind to exist as. And I want to share this gift.

And, yes, like I mentioned, I still have alot of improvements to make. I have nowhere near reached the peak of my mental (or physical) potential. But I’ve already made a lot of progress, and I’m improving everyday.

So what gives me the gall to declare myself worthy of the title Thought Leader? Well, I’ve spent my whole life introspecting, philosophizing, contemplating... and over the course of my life, everyday until today, and so likely for days to come, I’ve observed people suffering by the hand of their own minds. Anxiety, depression, fear — these things plague us.

The problem is that people are afraid of what they don’t understand. I start telling people about the incredible revelations I’ve experienced and they don’t understand and so it frightens them and they try to change the subject. The act of awakening is becoming self-conscious, and some folks just don’t seem to want to become self-conscious. But like Tim Ferriss says in his interview with Guy Raz: “It’s not about who doesn’t understand, it’s about who does.” (That might not be the exact quote, but he does say something like that.) Why focus on who doesn’t understand? You can find endless people who won’t understand. What matters is how many people do understand. One other person? Five people? Fifty? A million? That’s what matters. Expand your network of comprehension, not your perception of misunderstanding.

I understand, though. Becoming self-aware can be scary, especially if you haven’t become self-aware in a long time. It’s kind of like looking in your basement after not cleaning it for 30 years. It isn’t always pleasant if you haven’t done any spring-cleaning, but if you wanna clean the place up then you’re gonna have to face it.

But it’s sort of like... if you don’t jump in, you’ll never get wet... as the old saying goes. You gotta let your mind be blown every now and then. You gotta let your identity shape-shift and change from time to time.

4:34 PM.

I never claimed to be perfect.

4:42 PM.

So what is this “thought” that I’m “leading”?

Firstly, Peace and Love. I believe in peace and love. Now, yes, this sounds corny, cheesy, overly-wholesome... whatever. But, it’s right and true, I believe.

I believe that systems work better when there is harmony. Metallic machines run better when they’re lubricated with oil (I hope this metaphor makes sense because I’m not exactly a “mechanic”). Government and society and civilization work better when there is peace. Imagine if humans all over the planet started working together instead of fighting. Imagine how much time and energy and resources we would save if we stopped fighting against and arguing with each other.

Now, don’t me wrong. I recognize that competition is a huge catalyst for innovation. And I do not believe that we should eliminate competition. However, I think competition is useful for games, not wars. I’ll make a distinction between games and wars: In a society which games, everyone can ultimately win because the stakes aren’t death and utter destruction. Sure, the winners are awarded with a bigger reward, but the heads of the losers aren’t chopped off, their cultures aren’t destroyed, their families aren’t ruined. They can lose, learn from their mistakes, dust themselves off, and try again. And at the end of the day, everyone can smile and have fun and hang out together.

This would be a society built on games, not on war. This would be a more evolved, more enlightened society, in my opinion.

5:02 PM.

Gonna stretch out with some quick exercises like weight-lifting and hand-stands. Be back sometime later.

5:26 PM.

Exercising is so great. Such a great feeling. Highly recommend it if you’re not involved.

And washing your face or body with cold water is super refreshing, by the way.

11:10 PM.

Let’s get back to this Thought Leader idea. I think that’s important. What thought am I leading?

It begins with Peace and Love, yes. But there’s more to it than that. If simply saying “Peace and Love” were the solutions to our problems, then we wouldn’t have any problems, because I just said it. No, our problems are more complex, so just how do we manifest peace and love?

How do we manifest peace and love?

Firstly, it begins with a desire. We have to want peace and love. And it doesn’t seem like this is our current reality. It seems like alot of people want war. Now, I’m not certain that this is true. I’m not sure that many people would actually say “I want war.” But some folks sure behave like they want war. Some folks seem to become excited by the idea of war. Perhaps they haven’t much else to live for? Perhaps they are bored with their current life and a war would shake things up? Perhaps they are prisoners, and hope to escape in the fray? I don’t know.

Secondly, once we decide that we desire peace and love, we must introspect. We must practice self-awareness, self-consciousness, and watch ourselves closely so that we don’t slip up, back into our old violent ways. We must become very careful of ourselves not to resort to violence, and to solve our disagreements peacefully.

Thirdly, now that we’ve decided that we indeed do desire peace and love, and now that we’ve practiced and mastered self-awareness and self-consciousness through introspection and contemplation, we must set collective goals for ourselves, and we must give our collective world meaning and purpose. Why must we do this? Because a lack of purpose causes things (like human minds) to become chaotic, and chaos leads to insanity and forgetfulness, and insanity leads to violence... because the insane person has forgotten the commitment that they made to be peaceful. The mind is designed for meaning and purpose. Without these things, the mind begins to go insane.

But it’s not all just mental. It’s physical too.

In order to achieve Peace and Love, we must alleviate greed. Greed still permeates our global culture too much. A tiny bit of personal greed can actually be good, because it motivates you to achieve more for yourself and your family. But we live in a world today that is permeated by corporate greed and greed at an unfathomable scale. The inherent problem with greed is that the greedy person always wants more. And now we have found ourselves in a world where some people have access to so much wealth, and some people are struggling just for clean water. No wonder there is conflict and violence. Our rich and wealthy family members aren’t showing enough love to those who are struggling. Instead, they would rather flaunt their expensive clothing and cars on Instagram and such. We must remove this greed if we are to achieve Peace and Love.

Some people might say: “World peace is a childish ideal and will never manifest on Earth.” But why? What is your motivation for saying this? Deep down, do you wish it to be true? Do you actually like violence and conflict, perhaps? Are you creating negativity in your day-to-day life? Is the energy of your spirit attracted to negativity like a moth is attracted to light? Is this the best way to live? Perhaps you should make a change?

I believe that world peace is possible, and I will likely continue encouraging it forever.

11:48 PM.

Lately I’ve been feeling like philosophy is kind of dumb. Here’s the philosophy: The universe is infinite. Do whatever you want. But what is philosophy, exactly?

I posted in the Philosophy sub-Reddit asking “What is Philosophy?” Let’s see what they say.

They banned my post. I don’t know why. I’m going to ask the same question in the AskPhilosophy sub-Reddit.

They also banned my post. Kind of ironic that you can’t ask “What is Philosophy?” in “Philosophy” sub-Reddits, eh?

(This discussion is continued on the next blog post for 9 January 2021)

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[seven-oomen]

Lol, glad to be of service on the plot detail.  Can not wait to find out precisely how I helped, and congrats on finishing the chapter.  Very, VERY excited for the new one, though if previous experience is anything to go by, it’ll probably show up right about when I have to clock in.  But that will give me something to look forward to during my shift. :D  That game sounds awesome, but so intense.  The other person I know paying it said she only made it about three hours before she had to pause for a while due to emotional overload.  And I’m well used to that authorial tendency towards “sorry not sorry” when it comes to reader reactions. XD

Oh god, I love the idea of them as potentially competing players.  Huge chunks of the unaffiliated/unaffected Houses would get caught up in the rumors and romance of it all.  Chris in the stands getting all kinds of weird looks because he keeps rooting for both teams (uh…no pun intended?).   And yeah, I like Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic for Chris.  Oh god I can see all of them excelling at the dueling club.  He and Noah take Muggle Studies and develop a minor fascination with muggle weaponry.  Ooh, what would their Patronuses (Patroni?) be?  Would Peter be a wolf Animagus instead of a werewolf given their representation in the books?

And I love all the kids reacting to new siblings.  (Jackson will always be the baby, even when he’s not, lol.)  Hmm, I can’t decide if I like the idea of going more fantasy or sci-fi for the nursery (Fables sounds amazing, though, and I feel I need to find some copies.  But perhaps slightly dark for a nursery.)  Part of me feels they could give it sort of Hobbit-y feel, with rolling hills and towering forests, but add woodland characters in from lots of other series, too, scattered throughout the trees (and Ents, and Groots).  Maybe a fake tree in one corner with one or two of those hanging chair things.  But part of me just keeps screaming “OMG OUTER SPACE!!!"  She could paint galaxies and nebulas across one wall.  They could put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, and have a mobile of Star Wars ships over one crib and one of Star Trek ships over the other.  Gah, I can’t decide!  And Malia (or Peter) would totally need to make them each one of these wolf lovey blankets.  In the correct colors for Peter’s coat, possibly out of the yarn with his fur, so the scent could comfort them.  I actually found a number of geeky hats, etc, that she could make for them (I may have gotten a bit carried away.  Again.  In my defense they’re adorable.)  Now I’m also curious how the kids set up their own rooms in the new house.  Also curious where Ben’s deductive skills might later lead him.

You are very welcome for that image.  It is a lovely one isn’t it?  And can you imagine some of the poses they’d do for photo ops (especially with how shameless Peter is?)  I also think one of the kids would manage to convince them to go out into the Preserve in those costumes to get some  nicely atmospheric shots for Malia’s blog.  At least one of those ends up on one of the walls of the house (nursery if more fantasy themed, living room/den otherwise)  I just wish I could have found better pics than Google was providing.  I refuse to believe there are that few guys that do Red Riding Hood.  I know I’ve seen it at cons before.

Ugh, I have SO MANY FEELINGS about slow dancing together, and singing to/with each other.  Just.  All the yes.  Gimme.  Which reminds me, I was listening to one of the Guardians Awesome Mixes the other day, and it occurred to me that "O-o-oh Child” would actually work fairly well for the playlist, or as a lullaby they sing to their kids (maybe a hand me down from another family member, sung together before everything went to shit, then separately as a tiny point of connection, they start using it again when the newer kids come along.  Maybe they even catch one of the older kids singing it to one of the babies?  Idk, I’m apparently having feels.)

Omg, yes, go to bed, lol!  Sleep is helpful and useful, especially when sick.  (I say, as though I’m not terrible about it as well.)  Enjoy your day off, and the probable many hours of gaming it will entail.

This is the section I changed:

The condom breaking on Noah and Peter had been one hell of a spectacle between the three of them. After what happened with him they’d been on edge and actively trying to avoid another accident. Anu, however, had other plans for them and had caused another pregnancy scare. They could only hope that they wouldn’t have to face reality once again. When Peter had told him he had three heartbeats and his scent had changed, he’d freaked out beyond belief. Merlia had bought him a pregnancy test and Talia had offered to have a talk with his father when it came back positive. He’d declined. He really didn’t want to tell his father that he was currently pregnant. And if Peter and the wolves were to believed, with twins. His father would carve his babies out of his stomach before he allowed him to carry to term. A protective hand rested on his abdomen and he looked up to find Peter staring at him, smiling.

Originally I had written that Chris wasn’t worrying and that he didn’t know he was pregnant just yet. Thanks to our back and forth, I realized, wait a second that’s a really big plot hole and I need to fix that.

I think Malia not telling Stiles was a plot hole as well, but I didn’t catch it on time and it’s not glaring in this case. (I think, I hope.) Whoops.

I’ve finished the game by now and I am very torn on it. On the one hand, I was very emotional but it just got darker and darker as it progressed and we are forced to spend time with a character we don’t like. And the way they wrote that story just doesn’t work for me. Which is really sad because the first game was my favorite game ever. And my Joel cosplay was one of the first cosplays that let me be a dude. I realized I was trans and got comfortable with that fact through cosplay. And Dean Winchester and Joel were fundamental cosplays for this. (I’m also planning a really dope Peter Hale cosplay. I’m so excited. Lemme show you some pics of what I want to do with SFX)

So this game, it’s very intense for me and I couldn’t finish it because of its story. I watched the rest on Youtube and I agree with many that it’s not a bad story, it’s just not likable. And you’re not meant to like it, but when I play games I play them for the story and to know this story is so unlikable. It kinda kills me inside.

But it definitely drives me to write a really good likable story myself. Even if it gets dark, I want people to say yeah, ok. I get it. I understand why these characters did this. But I’m happy this ended well and my favorite characters got a happy ending together. That’s what I want Once upon a Time to mean.

"O-o-oh Child” would actually work fairly well for the playlist, or as a lullaby they sing to their kids (maybe a hand me down from another family member, sung together before everything went to shit, then separately as a tiny point of connection, they start using it again when the newer kids come along.  Maybe they even catch one of the older kids singing it to one of the babies?

I loved this suggestion so much, I once again put it in the story. It’s gonna be sweet but also heart wrenching. I can’t wait to see your reaction.

And once again, I adore all of this. I just have a lot I wanna say, also in regards to your reviews and I’m trying to figure out what things I can talk about.

This story is rather full of men who are uncles, in fact. But not men who are from U.N.C.L.E., that's a different fandom entirely. Am I getting a bit slap happy? Quite possibly. Oh well.)

This had me hollering, thank you for that. I honestly don’t know what my uncle obsession is in this story. It just fits? But this was funny, my god.

"Please..." Melissa muttered. "Uncle Chris, you patented the kicked puppy look" Did you mean for that to be Derek?

Yeah, the lines were supposed to be :

"Please..." Melissa muttered. 

"Uncle Chris, you patented the kicked puppy look" 

I missed that one in the edit, but I fixed it! So there was a space that I missed. New line, new character saying something.

Had a moment of delayed reaction to noticing that Peter says "I've made these", not "I've had these made" (was too excited and reading too quickly the first time), and like, made as in carved himself?

I was wondering why that hadn’t come up yet, hahaha, but I see. And yeah, he carved it himself with his own claws. I thought that had a deeper meaning and that’s where the wood carving headcanon came from.

I think that’s everything that I can address right now. I’m definitely writing everything else down.

And I will definitely share a sweet little flashback today and find a good FC for John Hale. (Nathaniel, Talia, Merlia, and Peter’s dad.)

I’m thinking:

But if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know ^^

[chloe-elizabeth-price]

1-40 (take that)

A lot of questions as per usual, thanks for always being curious and cute @annoyinglyuniquebread!

I’ll put these under a cut as well as trigger warn you guys for mentions of mental illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms and abuse. 

Anyone who wants to, feel free to read what basically feels like my life story lol 

Here we goooo

1: Talk aboutthe first time you watched your favorite movie.

This question as well as numbers  11, 24, 28 and 38 where answered here and here

2: Talk aboutyour first kiss.

I was 7 and kissed a boy in my class behind the bushes at recess in a display of young  compulsory heterosexuality. He dumped me at a classmate’s birthday party a week later and I never looked at boys again lol

3: Talk aboutthe person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

This girl I met in my freshman year of college and fell hard and fast for. She clearly didn’t feel the same for me and very unceremoniously dumped me without much of an explanation, it sucked!  

4: Talk aboutthe thing you regret most so far.

That I didn’t break contact with my biological father much earlier than I did, his presence in my life made me feel like shit for way longer than I deserved and now that he’s out of my life I feel a lot better!

5: Talk aboutthe best birthday you’ve had.

l’m not actually much of a fan of birthdays and much prefer Christmas, never really liked the idea of growing up…But I guess my tenth birthday was cool. It was nice  to turn a two digit number for the first time and the pajama party I had that year was pretty sweet!

6: Talk aboutthe worst birthday you’ve had.

Well my fourth birthday sucked, it was my first birthday after my parents got divorced and I was worried my dad wouldn’t show up for the party and well…He didn’t……………….Yeah that sucked!

7: Talk aboutyour biggest insecurity.

I have many, many insecurities of different natures and can honestly not really narrow it down to one big one.

8: Talk aboutthe thing you are most proud of.

I’m proud of unapologetically being who I am despite breaking norms and societal expectations in more ways than one; as well as for standing up for others like me!

9: Talk aboutlittle things on your body that you like the most.

I like my eyes, they’re a nice shade of blue

10: Talk aboutthe biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Physical? Because I’ve never really been in a physical fight and I can’t really think of a huge verbal one either right now. Of course I’ve gotten into some arguments with my parents and stuff growing up, nothing major that I can remember though.

12: Talk aboutthe worst dream you’ve ever had.

 I rarely remember my dreams, but since I started taking sleeping pills I’ve had some really vivid and scary ones, nothing I feel like reliving by sharing though.

13: Talk aboutthe first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Yeah, nope, not happening, too demi and reserved to share that one with the internet, sorry!

14: Talk abouta vacation.

The best vacation I’ve ever been on was the one I got from my parents as a graduation gift. They accompanied me to Amsterdam (which is a beautiful, beautiful city) to see Taylor Swift live on the 1989 World Tour! It was one of the best trips/concerts of my life and I really look forward to seeing Tay again in 180 days! 

15: Talk aboutthe time you were most content in life.

Probably in my last year of middle school, when I was like 15. It was the last year before I developed mental illness and fell into this dark, dark hole…Wow, that sounds depressing af! Sorry for being such a bummer!

16: Talk aboutthe best party you’ve ever been to.

I don’t really do parties, I prefer to hang out with my friends casually and just play video games and cook/have dinner together or whatever. We’ve had many awesome hangouts like these over the years and I can’t really pick a specific one as the best one!

17: Talk aboutsomeone you want to be friends with.

I’d love to be friends with Carrie Fisher, we’d get along famously and she seems like the kind of person you could just talk to you know? Carrie, if you can hear me up in heaven, please consider being my friend and save me a cloud to sit on next to you, cool?

18: Talk aboutsomething that happened in elementary school.

I got dumped at that birthday party, lol…No but really I don’t remember much of elementary school, except that one time a bitch stole my tamagotchi, that wasn’t cool Sally, so not cool!

19: Talk aboutsomething that happened in middle school.

My teacher surprised me by sneaking me into another school’s library so that I could join this class of strangers in meeting one of my favorite authors at the time and get my books signed as well as give her a book i’d written and exchange email addresses with her. We still emailed occasionally years later, it was dope!!

20: Talk aboutsomething that happened in high school.

I came out of the closet, that was pretty damn dope too!

21: Talk abouta time you had to turn someone down.

During my freshman year of college (wow, a lot sure did happen that year, huh?) this guy in my class basically started stalking me and obsess over me despite me repeatedly telling him I’m gay and wasn’t interested. It got pretty badly out of hand and it ended with the school suspending him after me having complained to the student council after he failed to recognize my rejections for what they were, FUCKING REJECTIONS!!! 

22: Talk aboutyour worst fear.

i’m TERRIFIED of failure in any and all forms! Don’t wanna talk about it though, it’ll probably trigger unnecessary anxiety…

23: Talk abouta time someone turned you down.

I’m too shy to ask people out so I have never really been turned down in that sense, have been dumped tho, that’s………..unfun!

25: Talk aboutan ex-best friend.

During elementary and middle school I was best friends with this guy i’d known since kindergarten, we drifted apart since we went to different high schools and haven’t really hung out since sophomore year which is too bad really because we were like siblings at one point and I’d like to have that back someday.

26: Talk aboutthings you do when you’re sick.

I try to drink a lot of tea and stay as comfortable as possible while watching something that makes me happy and distracts me from feeling badly. Like Buffy, Brooklyn 99 or F.r.i.e.n.d.s

27: Talk aboutyour favorite part of someone else’s body.

My dog’s tail is fluffy and adorable just like the rest of her! :)

29: Talk aboutwhat turns you on.

I feel like I’ve talked about this before, but open-minded people who aren’t afraid of having frank, honest conversations in which the express their opinions. Girls are beautiful and physically most parts of girls’ bodies honestly turn me on buuuut again, too awkward for this discussion on the net.

30: Talk aboutwhat turns you off.

Close-minded and bigoted people disgust me!

31: Talk aboutwhat you think death is like.

I’m not really sure, but a quote from John Green’s Looking For Alaska comes to mind: “Thomas Edison’s last words were “It’s very beautiful over there”. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”

32: Talk abouta place you remember from your childhood.

When I was younger my grandparents lived in this big, yellow house in the countryside and I remember it as this bright, warm and very positive place! It was surrounded by  a large, dark forest that my grandma used to call The Forest of Fairy Tales” and in their huge garden they had an abundance of sweet berries and I had a legit fort my grandpa had built for me at the edge of the forest. I really miss that place, almost as much as I miss my grandma!

33: Talk aboutwhat you do when you are sad.

Pretty much the same thing I do when I’m sick, I try to drink gallons of tea, stay comfy and watch something lighthearted and uplifting. Listening to Taylor Swift also helps me a lot if I feel down. The sound of her voice makes me feel at home and reminds me that things are gonna be okay, ya feel?

34: Talk aboutthe worst physical pain you’ve endured.

As a kid with cerebral palsy I pretty much grew up in hospitals and was subject to a lot of pretty painful stuff before I even turned ten, as a result my pain threshold is very high. Despite this I can’t really say breaking my wrist in a biking accident at about nine didn’t suck.

35: Talk aboutthings you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could stop clinging to some of the more unhealthy coping mechanisms I have when it comes to my mental illness…Like I wish I’d stop starving myself and make myself sleep deprived on purpose and stuff…That’s not really healthy and I wish I didn’t cling to these things and instead could find healthier ways to deal with bad mental health situations. I’m working on this though!

36: Talk aboutyour guilty pleasures.

I don’t believe in guilt associated with interests of any kind. If I like something I like it, plain and simple!

37: Talk aboutsomeone you thought you were in love with.

This boy that sat next to me in my eighth grade math class, he was super nice and we were friends. Secretly though I was like OBSESSED with him, it was actually kinda cute. Sadly for 14 year old me I was too shy to ask him out though, which was just as well since it was clearly compulsory again and I was really crushing super hard on the cool punk girl in my social studies class who I just thought i really, really, REALLY wanted to be friends with at the time…I was too shy to talk to her too though sooo

39: Talk aboutthings you wish you’d known earlier.

That it’s okay to be both disabled and queer, the belief that you couldn’t caused me to stay in the closet (even to myself) for far longer than I needed to. you’re not “too much” just because you happen to be part of several minority groups, never forget that, kids!

40: Talk aboutthe end of something in your life.

When I was 13 I finally broke contact with my biological father and that was the end of a cycle of mental and psychological abuse. It was one of the best decision I’ve ever made and the most cathartic ending to any period  in my life so far. 

Thanks for all those questions, Bellz and sorry it took some time for me to answer them, I’ve had a busy week!

[khiphop-discussions]

SMTM6 ep.7 Comments and Highlights

I’ve already seen half the diss battles. I really think they should have just done all 1v1 like they did in previous seasons. It would have been better. IT’s really to much to have to focus on 2 opponents for each person in a 2v2. That’s why I think the 1v1′s were universally better. You can really take your time and research that one person as well as not have to share the insults with your partner because if you already said something, when they say it it loses some of it’s power and vice versa.

Hanhae’s one of the only people who hi-fived the fans when he came out! Just wanted to note that.

Hangzoo looks like a whole ass gangster. If Los was the street level gangster than Hangzoo is the crime boss

Ja Mezz’s “HaHAAAA” man I wish I was good at gifs so I could make one of that.

Maniac is so funny. I hope he goes on more shows after this.

I haven’t seen Maniac vs Hanhae besides like the first 10 seconds or so. So I’m watching that one pretty much blind.

Woochan has been throwing shade (not even shade really but full out insults) this whole time and I’m only 13 minutes into the episode

I haven’t seen Black Nine v Ryno either. And this beat is hard as FUCK. I’ve seen so many people get dissed to this beat (Survival of the Fittest by Mobb Deep)

His whole rap was already given away during the introduction? So from that point all he was doing was repeating the same shit? I mean, it was good rap wise but I’ll have to see Ryno’s. Either way this is a lesson in not giving your whole rap away in the introduction. Also, if you’re on the receiving end you shouldn’t have that look on your face, you gotta look more unfazed but still serious enough to make the other person shook. Ness did that with Young B and now Ryno did it to Black Nine. 

Black Nine was better.

This is what I was talking about with Asol a couple days ago, half her rap is about feminizing the other team in an attempt to basically call them weak or lesser so it’s like???? 

I think Asol and Wonaje did better in the diss but Woochan freestyled and STILL didn’t fuck up so that was dope.

Yeah, Hanhae won that. The beat choice was trash though. I think he could have chosen something different and his rap would have sounded better. The content is good but I didn’t like the actual sound.

One Sun needs to make a song with that “Let Me Do It Again~” line as a hook or something because that shit was lowkey fire lol

Team DD wins

It’s ep.7 and Dean has still barely had any talking time or screen time. Dean fans got robbed lowkey. All that hype just for him to be almost non-existent

Hash Swan isn’t a battle rapper but he does have a slick mouth? Like he says some reckless shit in his songs sometimes so I know he’s gonna do pretty okay in the battle...whereas Junoflo...hmmm (I’ve already seen this battle btw. But this was pretty much my line of thiking before I saw it so I’m putting it here)

Also, I haven’t seen Ja Mezz vs Hangzoo

Why is Young B out here dressed like he a crip or something? lol all that damn blue

“He’s tall and can’t rap” - Young B. OK you guys KNOW I love my Young B but, that’s kind of overboard? Ness is actually not a bad rapper. I know this is for show but B looks dead serious when he says that and I feel like I know enough about him to know when he’s kidding. His opinion is his opinion but I’ll have to respectfully disagree with him there.

KillahGramz pulling out the receipts I’m DEAD!!!!!

“I don’t know much about Woodie and Ness” KillahGramz: “Alright Bet” lol

Damn, Ja Mezz pulling up the receipts too lol.

Shit, Ness got under his skin before the batlle even started no wonder he got so far under his skin in the actual battle. LOL

This is why Young B went so hard. Has Ness not pissed him off before, then maybe Ness would have won. I think B would have went easier lol

Young B told Ness to suck his dick at the end which was edited out. But that’s why everybody is going wild and why Young B has that face at the end like he’s disappointed in himself.

So that’s Young B’s beserker button? Getting told he can’t rap? Make sure to NEVER say that Young B. Jeez.

I kinda skipped past KG/Hash vs Juno/Woodie cause I already saw it and it was kinda wack.

Mezz vs Hangzoo now. The only one I haven’t seen from this battle

Mezz wasn’t all that but he was alright.

OK Hangzoo called him a child, the a pedo (this was just lyrics from Hangzoo not something Mezz has actually shown himself to be, it matched with Zoo’s next bar), said he got outrapped by No:el and Young B, said his hair was trash (thanks Hangzoo!), and more. He really wrecked him like 2 or 3 bars. He had wrecked him long before he got half way through the list. lol

DoPark should have eliminated Woodie instead but of course they probably wanted him for the later stages.

Yeah, they just said it. They picked the ones who will do better later. So Ness goes home.

Obviously Asol is going home.

Team DD been making bangers. People slept on them but I think Team DD might win if they keep it up. They have a cool style and some great rappers with nice feels.

Not a fan of the CoDean/Killah song. But Dean’s part (the hook) is cool.

How dare Hanhae be that fucking cool and smooth?

The feature was unexpected lol. I already knew Hanhae won because I spoiled that.

UGHHHHH the cliff hanger!

[m96worthy]

Piña's Camping Survival Guide Vol. 1: Getting Past The Car Search

First of all I wanna start off by saying: I am not, nor do I consider myself to be, an expert in camping. Neither in camping at a festival, or in nature. As a matter of fact I was just online at 4am the other day looking at any little tips I might not know yet. That being said, I kinda know a lot lol. I have camped at Hard and Nocturnal in the past so I have a general idea on how searches are held. To put it bluntly, it’s impossible to know just how thoroughly you’ll be searched. There’s like 6 to 8 lines of cars coming through. You may have the line with the 25 year old who see’s that the line NEEDS to keep flowing so he just skims everything; only looking for glass, alcohol, and weapons. Oooorrr you could have that middle aged dickhead, who has no idea how he got put in a position to work this job, but he’s gonna take out all his frustrations out on you by searching every inch of your shit. Including your socks. Now that being said you’re probably gonna get an average in between person. Fact is, last year was Hardfest’s first year camping. Their lines to get searched for camping were RIDICULOUS. Why? Too many dickheads searching every square inch. So in assumption that they’ll wanna improve in every way possible for a better experience … the lines should move muuuch quicker, which theoretically means less of a search. Just so everyone knows: if you see a dog I am 98% sure he can not smell your drugs. But I’m sure as hell his master will smell your fear when he brings him sniffing your car. Play it cool. Weird side trick I picked up at Nocturnal, if you have a frisbee or a throwing ball or poi balls, go nuts with them. The officer cannot and will not stop you from playing in line, and his dog will be so distracted it’s quite hilarious. Haven’t tried it yet but it seemed to work really well from what I saw. But in a nut shell your search should basically be a “take everything out” skim skim skim “alright pack everything back up” and you dip (It’s a real bitch if you have a truckload of stuff that you barely got packed in there the first time. Pack light people please trust me, you don’t need it). Now that you have the run down on what it will be like getting searched we can move on how to properly hiding yo shiiieet. There’s only really three things to ever sneak into (in my knowledge) a campground: drugs, alcohol, and a piece. Trust me you’ll be the goat of all the goatland if you’re that one neighbor who got a bong in haha. I got one in both festivals I camped at. So let’s start with drugs. We’re not gonna suger coat it here and say something like, “oh drugs? I’ll skip this section because I’m a good child and I don’t do stuff like that”. Stfu and listen you heathen. Food is your friend. I garentee you if you brought enough food there’s no way you will have more drugs than food, let’s hope. Let’s say you have a “fruit snack packet sized” baggie stuffed full of euros… well buy a box of fruit snacks (of your choice of course I’m not dictating you) and shove it in there. DON’T OPEN THE BOX. I just mean to prop open the fold with your finger and squeeze it in there (pause). Shake it around, turn it upside down, go nuts. Trust me it won’t fall out. And if it doesn’t fit? Don’t be stupid haha, use less volume per drop. Do it a dozen times if necessary. It’s more safe in your food than your luggage always. I’m sure there’s dozens of options you can have with food, once I took out a whole thing of pringles and put my weed at the bottom. Worked like a charm only problem was all my Pringles smelt and tasted like weed heavy😂 I ate them though, mama ain’t raise no bitch! But get creative, please send me your ideas, I’m never too wise to be taught something. I literally just thought of one right now though off the top of my head, might be easier said then done actually…. But take out like the middle section of a loaf of bread and cut a hole to hollow it and put it back filled with… whatever. But be careful not to alter the weight a dumbass amount, and don’t leave empty space that moves around when shaken. Think small with this even though the loaf is big. I’ll have to try it myself I dont even know don’t listen to me haha. But of course you need to know your car, you feel me? Like I can’t tell you where a good spot to hide your stuff would be, it’s your car. Then lastly the obvious but most overlooked choice: just hide it on you. You’re not gonna sit here and tell me that you can sneak that stuff in the festival, but not your campsite. As if there’s staff searching bodis more heavily than they do the day of the festival (remember this is the Friday before not Saturday morning). So yeah that’s literally everything I know with that, because I can’t think of odd things I might have overlooked. Let me know we can think of something I’m sure. Moving foward to alcohol. If you’re a beer person I���m just gonna go ahead and crush your dreams right now. At Hard you can only bring in one case of beer OR one box of wine per car. Not box per person that’s 21 like Nocturnal. It’s a bitch, life’s not fair, we can sit here and cry all day but that’s the rule. Now this is another idea off the top of my head, because I personally haven’t done it, but you can spend the time to disguise the beers in a case of soda and just super glue the case closed again. Just be sure to use a can of a similar color, and also fill the ends of the box with sodas as decoys juuust in case. A little side note to have decoys of everything that has something hidden in it (water cases, food boxes, ect). Now that I told you how to sneak in your beer all safe and sound I’m gonna turn right around and tell you to stop being a little bitch and live without it. It’s not worth it dude, for multiple reasons. One its a waste of space. I can’t stress enough how little you want to bring with you. Start planning now and be smart. Two, it’s a waste of ice. Because you’re gonna be taking these warm beers and filling the ice chest with them to cool off therefore melting the ice unnecessarily. Three, it’s a waste of time. Be happy with the one case, I know, it hurts me too. But I’m telling you if you just buy a case of beer right before you get to the speedway it’ll still be a little cold when you get inside the campground, and if not it won’t take much to cool it versus it being warm or hot even. You can use that one case you have for BP, or just general drinkage, on that first night Friday. That way you killed it off right from the jump and you have space opened up from finishing it. If you’re worried about what you’ll drink the rest of the weekend, bring liquor. Vodka and clear liquors take the cake in simplicity so I do recommend these. But basically cut out, or shimmy out it you can swing it, about 3 or so bottles from the bottom. Fill em up with your liquor and put them back. Stack between two more cases of water as decoys (no one will shame you for being over hydrated trust me) and you’re good to go. If you cut the case open just do you best to cover it. Packing tape should work, but you can try to glue it if you’re a wizard. But yo, just think about these things when you’re shopping for your supplies. Every case of water differs in packaging. Make it easy in yourself by choosing the on that looks shrink wrapped. Guy: “But what if I like brown liquor man. I only drink whisky cause I ain’t no bitch” or Girl: “but I wanna make piña coladaaaaassssss. Please Matt! Can’t we bring some captain or crown? They’ll be so good trust me” Really nigga….? I just gave you a sure fire way to get in, potentially a lot of, vodka and you’re gonna get picky on your choice of alcohol? Damn. Well… go buy 4 gallon jugs of Arizona iced tea and drink 2 of them. Why? Because I’m not gonna sit here and tell you to throw away 2 gallons of perfectly good iced tea you wasteful bitch 😂 Now, fill one with Crown and the other with Captain and be happy. “But why did I buy 4 jugs?” Decoys! Pay attention dude geez smh. Now I’m SURE there’s a whole list of ways to sneak your liquor in. You’re probably gonna try and share some with me and I’ll pretend to value those options. But I’m telling you right now from personal experience that both these methods I just said work and there’s no reason for me to know another way. Cause I don’t know like any other ways literally haha. I’m sorry, I’m only human. Wow honestly I can’t believe how much I’ve typed so far. I hope you’re soaking this in while staying semi entertained with my writing I’m trying to keep it fun. Moving forward. A piece! I’m just gonna say right here I am a spoiled ballsy bastard who loves his bongs. So I risked it for the biscuit, and it was worth it taking bong rips at camp all weekend. Hard last year I put my bong in a towel and put it at the bottom of my clothes and shoved everything on top. I had “skim guy” so no worries, nobody found it, but let’s just assume I got lucky. At Nocturnal my buddy had a panel in his car that he could pull back and stick the piece in there. Worked like a charm. But like I said this goes back to the section on knowing your car. Inside and out, if drug mules can put kilos on kilos in a Corolla I’m sure you can find a spot for your piece. Use google to help because whatever you’re thinking someone has already thought of it. Sad but true. Brushing aside my past experiences to bring fresh ideas to the table … I think I’m gonna put aside my silver spoon. There’s waaaayyy too many dope rigs and pipes and bubblers out there that normally I wouldn’t use cause I have better, but they are perfect for these moments. Go invest. And I actually have two reasons for this with one being a past trauma. But first off it’s just way easier to hide, plain and simple, 2x2" to 3x3" piece will always be easier to hide then a 5x12" peice. So secondly it’s not that I’m too scared now to try and hide it, cause I’m down. But on the very last hour we spent at Hard, I’m talking the Monday morning packing up, we were taking dabs under the canopy. And because people were clearing out around us a security officer was able to spot us from pretty far out (lol far out👽) and rolled up on us out of no where in a golf cart and took all his stuff. It was just really heartbreaking (RIP that rig) and it wasn’t even mine. I’d just hate to lose or break a 120 dollar set up when I can buy a 20 dollar little mini rig. Plus there’s always joints and wax pens as an addition or an alternative, bitches love joints and wax pens lol.