#cause this is like. the first time ive gone out of my way to listen to a vocaloid song

[radlegowaffle]

heaven help her

[vrystalius]

hi! Ive been reading ur fics for a while and i love them sm and hope ur enjoying ur break!

I was wondering if u could write about giyuu apologizing after an arguement?

once again i absolutely love ur fics lol 💗

Apologies

Giyuu apologising after an argument— how does he do it?

Pairing: married!Giyuu x gn!married!reader

“Why can’t you just talk to me? I feel like I’m the only one trying here!”

You immediately regretted those words the second they left your mouth. Washing out your mouth with soap won’t wash that expression of your husband from your face, him staring at you in both disbelief and deep guilt. Giyuu knows that he can come off as cold or even uncaring, even to you. It’s never intentional but rather a terrible habit he seemingly can’t get rid off and it keeps forcing him to push people away from him. That’s why it may seem he doesn’t try hard enough to express his thoughts, his feelings.

Despite knowing that you will be understanding and listen to his worries, hold him while you kiss his face until he finally smiles again, all those fears and thoughts that dwell on horrific events he experiences on a daily gone in mere seconds.

So, who should apologise first? Giyuu, or you?

Since your husband left your house after the argument, probably wanting to take a walk or get some fresh air, you had time to think about what to do to apologise to him. Directly talking to him might scare him off and result into him being too intimidated to answer or scurry off to hide somewhere else to avoid you altogether. A letter could work, right?

Composing and thinking about every word, every sentence helped you sort your thoughts out and properly speak about the argument from your perspective while also staying respectful to his own view of the issues. You just hoped that your crow was awake to deliver a letter to your husband. If not, you’ll leave it in your bedroom for your husband to find and read quietly while you waited on him somewhere else.

But before you could prepare a method for Giyuu receiving your letter, Kanzaburo, your husband’s elderly crow, weakly called out to you and ruffled his feathers while resting on your windowsill. A letter was secured around his neck. Gently, you took the bird and put it to rest on your lap, giving him well-deserved scratches while gently unravelling the letter from his neck. It was written by Giyuu, obviously, but before you could read, the door to the room opened and your husband stood in the doorframe, staring down at you in surprise. He eyed you, then the letter in your hands.

“Have you.. read it?”

“No, Kanzaburo just delivered it.”

“Ah.”

You could see the gears shifting inside his mind. He probably overestimated the senior crow and thought the letter would be delivered faster. You scratched the crows head and glanced back to the paper in your hand.

“Should I read it? Or do you want to say everything you wrote down to me personally?”

Giyuu silently averted his eyes, his shoulders sagging and a small frown spreading on his face. He was avoiding to look into your eyes.

“No. I’ll be in the bedroom.”

You watched your husband slowly close the door, leaving you alone with his elder companion. While the crow was contently preparing to nap on your lap, you opened the letter.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳༚

My dearest,

I am sorry. I know I’ve caused arguments again and again because of my silence and my behaviour over all. You feel like you’re the only one trying in this relationship and I’m sorry for that. I thought that if I stayed silent it would be easier for the both of us but that is clearly not the case. I should’ve realised much sooner, but instead I am only doing it now.

I am just too scared to scare you off with my problems and issues since you have your own, just like everyone else does. You are important to me so you always are my priority. My thoughts and feelings can wait, so I stay quiet.

You deserve better than the way I am treating you, you deserve so, so much better. You’ve been patient with me, you stayed with me for so long, through good and bad times. I don’t deserve your love.

I want to do better and I will. Please have a little more patience with me. Please.

I love you, I am sorry that I haven’t said it enough times. I am sorry if you don’t believe me.

Yours forever,

Tomioka Giyuu.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳༚

💠

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’ve been seeing you interact with my posts pretty often so thank you for all your love and support <33 I’ll happily write more requests for you in the future if you liked this one!

Also, I haven’t forgot about Kyojuro’s thighs request :,) I started writing it and it’s halfway finished— my NSFW meter just ran out and I started writing this instead XD

Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!!

Take care of yourselves, physically and mentally <3

[frillydolle]

Ok but can we get low honor Arthur😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶 need to see lh Arthur in his acts of service moments, maybe he does something special for reader like bringing their fav candy or something ??? Him being an awkward weenie abt it lmaooo ❤️❤️❤️ ty queen love you 💓

- @red-doll-face 😳

꒰ ୨ৎ ꒱　 ──　 arthur is ignorant, mean, ugly, and nasty!!!　 a.m ౨ৎ ⋆ ｡ ˚

he's been mean to u. he was very mean, again. he's was gone for camp for weeks, and when he finally turned up, u questioned him and.. he didn't take that too kindly as she snapped at u. which caused a small argument between the two of u. the first serious argument that the two of u ever had.

it's been days since the fight, and he's been avoiding again. u have been head down in chores to be fair. arthurs been in and out of camp more often than usual, returning with more anger, more and more blood on his hands. u heard from mary-beth that he's been killing a lot more folk and u knew the reason why. he just wasn't a man to express his feelings. properly.

adding onto mary-beth's words, the argument between the two of u made him a little worse. mercy wasnt really a tjing in his life nor did he have any remorse, not even a second thought... nothing. arthur didn't care whose blood was on his hands, as long as he got what he wanted.

and yet, he wouldn't show that side of him to u. that was reserved fire outside of camp, never in front of u. but he did have the habit of saying very hurtful things out of anger, and he always tells u that he doesn't mean it. that it just slips out.

but one thing he knew for sure is that ur his girl. his woman. and he'd never let that change at all. u were his and be was urs and he qas never gonna let u go!

“babydoll?.. y'in here?” he asked, his tone with his usual gruffness, and soon his landed on u, watching u shimmy out of ur clothes, lesving on ur chemise. “mhm, im here.” the sound of his footsteps made u look up at him with the same heart eyes u looked up at him with when u fell in love with him. despite that, he felt ur uneasiness.

but this was maybe the first time that u have seen the big, bad arthur morgan... nervous? awkward?

this was strange, odd, even. arthur was never the type of man to apologise, not ever. he was the type to upset u till he maybe had enough, or he'd give u some pathetic sorry that u know he didn't mean. he sat down in front of u, and he took ur hands in his, his thumb rubbing circles on ur hands. “i jus- i know how yer feelin, ive been busy, but i... take this.” he took something out his pocket.

ur eyes widen slightly as it set on the flower in his hand. a ghost orchid, from the southern bayou. it's one of ur favourite flowers, u always adored the wiry, white petals. it was one of ur favourite flowers too. u took the flower out of his hand before u took it towards ur face.

“oh, arthur...”

“what? do ya ain't like it?-” “nono! no, arthur- i love it! its so pretty.. you really went there? just for a flower?”

arthur kissed ur hand, his way of apologising. he was never the man to say sorry and u knew that. “'course i would. yer my woman, ain't ya?” he replied with that smirk on his face. u knew u should've still be upset, mad, angry at him for being so mean to u. he still hasn't properly given u an apology and that's what u most so desperately wanted.

“im...”

he was so awkward that it almost out a smile on ur face.

“... im sorry. didnt mean to get so nasty with ya.. thought the flower would make ya feel better.” and a smile couldn't help but form at ur face, listening to his words. he finally apologised for his actions, something that a coyote wouldn't ever do but maybe they aren't all that bad? u were just relieved he felt guilty for what he did.

“i forgive you, arthur- its okay.” u reply, giving his hand a squeeze as the smile remains on ur face. u can tell that he did feel something or he wouldn't being doing this. he wouldn't give u a flower that he knew was ur favourite, not unless he felt bad and u knew he did. u placed the flower by ur cot before leaning down, kissing his lips.

u are always so forgiving, aren't u?

[kaxserlvr]

Can you write a scenario where reader falls for bakugo maybe after the part where he d!es?? If not it’s okay!

Hii thanks sm for the request(my first one woww) I tried my best on this I hope it’s what you wanted!!

Ps I was listening to this song when it writing so that’s kinda the vibes!

You, Bakugo and Kirishima were studying as usual in the common room this was a usual routine that never seemed to stop, something that you’ve come to appreciate over time despite you not really needing it anymore.

“Hey guys I’m gonna get us snacks cause,whew all this studying is really tiring my brain” Kirishima says just only 5 minutes into the session.

“I’m surprised it still works” Bakugo muttered looking to the side with a followed “Hey!” from Kirishima not appreciating the insult “bro it’s the first day back cut me some slack” he cries out. You giggled at the red heads silliness.

You missed this.

“Kiri get me the usual please” throwing some money towards your friend who was heading to the door.

“Me too” Bakugo piqued up throwing some coins at the red head too.

“You gotcha” and with that he was gone

Now it was just you and Bakugo alone in the room. This wasn’t unusual as the pair had grown to get closer over the last year.

Silence was usually welcomed between the two but this one was uncomfortable

Y/n were staring at her friend,more so the stitches on his face. She had saw what had happened to him in the war and how he…

No she didn’t want to remember that it’s in the past now

“Are you going to say something or just continue staring at me like a weirdo?” Bakugo questions slightly feeling creeped out

“Oh sorry it’s just…how long do you need those stitches for? ,do they hurt, can you still wash your face , are you actually going to be able to keep quiet with-“ she’s cut off with a groan

“Jeez what with all the questions you sound just like my old hag” he says while turning away, irritated remembering how his mother was when she saw him.

She shrugs “just curious”

……..

“Wanna touch em” he asks glancing back at her

You’re surprised by his request but refuse quickly “no way I am not going to be the reason you start crying if they come off”

“What’re you so scared of? They won’t trust me”

You think,you do trust him but you still don’t want to hurt him so hesitantly you answer“fineee”

Y/n moves across the table to Bakugos side and stretches her arm out to his face to cup his cheek. She looks down to his face and notices a glint of something she can’t put her head around but she forgets this when she feels how soft his skin is. She makes a mental note to ask for his skincare routine later though she doubts he has one.

As she is still touching Bakugo suddenly pulls back with an “ow” grabbing his cheek in his hand with his head down.

Alarmed y/n pulls back and starts to panic “I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to oh my gosh I knew this was a mistake-“

She cuts herself off as she sees Bakugo twitching in the corner of her eye. She furrows her eyebrows trying to see what’s wrong with him.

“Hey Bakugo please say something you’re scaring me”

Suddenly he bursts out laughing as if he’s been holding it back for years.Y/n feels like she might’ve popped a nerve ‘how dare he scare me like that’ she turns to knock him in the head but stops

“You should’ve see the look on your face it was priceless no way you fell for that” Bakugo says in between choked laughs with his eyes closed and a big smile (do you get the picture?) Y/n is struggling to find the funniness in the situation not because it’s not funny but because she feels as if she’s stuck in a trance, as if time stopped

‘I’ve always known he was good looking but now..he looks like the prettiest boy ive seen and my heart- what am I saying..’

She snaps out of her gaze, stands up and snaps at him for his ‘funny joke’ “you’re so stupid” and rushes out of the room only to be met with Kirishima.

“Woah where are you going in such a hurry”

“To my dorm!” she shouts out

“But I got your snacks” Kirishima says confused

With this she stops in her tracks and turns around to grab the food with a small thanks and hurries off again.

Kirishima only looks at Bakugo who only shrugs leaving him confused on what happened.

What the pair didn’t know a poor y/n was sitting against the door of her dorm hands in head questioning her feelings for a certain blonde boy.

A/n: this is probs ooc for bakugo but I’m a sucker for him being soft

[fictionfixations]

rewatching bridon arc for the en dub (be prepared for more yapping after this) and i have to question

how the fuck did the photo not fall out during this part

he takes it out and puts it on top of the book

and aside from that we know its not glued cause she just took a photo and put it in and then closed the book nothing else

photo is no longer on top

GIRL THROWS IT (why) so if there was a photo there its gone

idk maybe there was a line i missed but i cant approve of throwing a book for any reason😭 i just wouldnt trust that something wouldnt go wrong (dude what if she didnt catch it!?!?!?)

also i just realized she takes the pen with her too aw

anyway cute moments of dub i liked

"Lu Guang! Grab the developed photos for me pleasee~!" like something about that please is just pleasing to the ears. its like a sort of playful-ness to it? but not quite in the same category as like 'pretty please?' i dont know how to explain it its just how i feel about it 💀 like it doesnt necessarily sound like a could you pretty please do this, but more of a like a simple you doing stuff for friends and then theyre like thank you and its just. that simple?? idk i kinda feel like im yapping outta thin air im tired man 😭 like its a simple request between friends and cxs appreciates it when lu guang does it but its not in a him trying to get out of doing stuff type of thing

also actually since watching bridon arc for the first time i got into mdzs so i keep staring at at the i forget the name but i keep staring at the cosplay and thinking wwx!?

also very wangxian coded imo with cxs talking about like 'the pretty girls' or something something he was gonna photograph (you can see i forget things very easily i literally just saw that scene like 20 minutes ago) and then lu guang chokes on his soda and cxs is like ohh? you excited about the girls? or something like that 💀 and then also wwx realizing its lu guang and then being like hey beauty is beauty something something i forgot what he said? i think the subtitle for what he said in chinese tho was something like 'well im also good at photographing a beautiful boy like you'

like with wwx flirting with girls and talking about girls (unaware he is into guys) and like bringing up girls to lwj like arent you interested and lwj is just like ..no. or like the the one with locauts or whatever its called i forgor and theres this girl who finds him pretty or something iirc and is giving him like free locauts (its like a food i think?) and then wwx looks at lwj and is like heyy miss lwj is pretty handsome too right? lmao

anyway i got off topic (i really havent had an opportunity to yap about mdzs to anyone outside of my one post of 'hey is it just me or do you sometimes read lan zhan but the other way around so it kinda sounds like san lang😭 ??')

look at him hes so cute LMFAO

'but i need help sometimes 🥺'

never gonna get over her name being Vivian but shes Vivan in contacts (pretty sure thats an error and gives me same vibes as 'Camrea' in the Link Click Live Action. ALSO ITS SO GOOD you need to watch it also the song is PEAK (its not following the same plot as the the donghua but i find it really cool (new clients!! ALSO CXS GETS ACTUAL THERAPY)! they also did the earthquake episode really well, and had something unique to it for people who have already seen the donghua so its not just a copy and paste, if anything it felt worse in a good way at some parts😭.)

LIKE HOLY SHIT LISTEN TO THIS

YES IM PROMOTING THE LIVE ACTION DUDE ive never watched like a live action based on like asian animated stuff before so this was my first experience and i really enjoyed it

okay, here it is. the pretty please in comparison to the please from before. tell me you hear a difference or if im just hearing stuff

anyway cxs is so impulsive dude please share all your plans at least with lu guang before doing them. ..i mean i know you kind of prob think of them up on the spot but i swear youre gonna make everyone grow gray hairs

i love the voice LMFAO its THIS quality that i say isnt in the please from earlier and thats why i say its different from the kind of 'pretty please' tone of voice you have (?? im not shutting up about this i love domestic moments)

anyway actually

since im listening in english and i already know what happens its easier for me to not pay so much attention to subtitles and whats going on and look around instead for details i missed before (theres a lot i missed tbh because im the type who doesnt notice stuff even if its right in front me)

..... *stares at what slang this sounds like if you say it out loud*

lu guang the epitome of disappointment like wtf am i doing here at this powerpoint slideshow explaining to some dumbass how he got scammed and is still in disbelief 💀💀💀

even cxs is like. dude.. come on..

?? whyd she hit the chair?? to emphasize her point??

LMFAO

? doesnt really look like he hung up? did he do it off screen?

dude i keep seeing wangxian 💀💀 'you keep saying no to this stuff and then change your mind when i need ya' 'you always say no but then you always change your mind' or something i dont remember what he said but it was about the rabbits and lwj being like no to them and then wwx is like well ok ill give them to someone else and lwj is like. ..who? and wwx is like to a butcher! theyll make for nice roasted meat! and then lwj is like. i. will. keep. them. and then wwx is like haha so you do want them! you always say no but then [something something i forget what he said]

and thats not like a complaint either i love wangxian and i love shiguang so much 😭 i feel like the vibes are similar tho. teasing black-haired one who acts more immature and unserious but has a heart of gold, stoic one (in white, lwj in white, lu guang with white hair) who usually pushes back against the teasing but actually really really cares and tbh kinda really wants to save/help the black-haired one and stop him from being in so much danger (and have also lived through the black-haired one dying. no this is not a spoiler if you open up the novel or donghua the first line is literally 'wei wuxian is dead!' and if youre here i assume youve seen season 1 and 2 of link click as well as bridon arc)

'just be careful, all right?' 'it'll be fine. you'll be watching my back the whole time.' 😭😭😭😭😭 cxs trusts him so much nadisajnduifhjndrgrfij

lu guang: he'll be the death of me (exasperated)

dont set up the death flags im gonna crash out if the only way cxs lives is lu guang dying and then either cxs listens (the same way he listened to lu guang being like no dont intervene keep the photo safe with like the pink-haired family i forget the last name and cxs listening even though he really wants to stop the bad things from happening because he KNOWS how important it is to not change anything poor baby :( ) or maybe he'll act

although he decided not to in the car when he thought lu guang was dead but also he isnt aware of lu guang time travelling

to save him

and i wonder if knowing that lu guang is doing so much for him, and then to die for him, if that would be a breaking point of actually fuck this im gonna save you!

i want them to get a happy ending man 😭 i kinda wish there was a source material this took from so i could read ahead and be assured that ah yes they are ok 💀

lu guang calling it gross hearing cxs call someone babe 💀💀💀💀

same vibes as lwj being angry at wwx whenever he flirted with someone else in front of him 😭

?? dating asmr for lu guang of if i was on a date with my crush mayhaps

lu guang is so stressed not wanting cxs in danger but he also knows cxs is too stubborn for him to tell him to not go 😭

'i can't stay forever' i wonder if that could also on the other hand mean like i cant promise to stay in this time forever but ill stay as long as i can (until cxs dies or something probably)

NO BABY JUST SMILED AND THEN HE RECALLED CXS' DYING WORDS OH MY GOD

actually wait wheres partners for life did i miss it ??

i cant remember watching the ending in full- i kinda watched bridon arc in a watch party so when the ed played id have like a few minute break to quickly do stuff i hadnt been able to for the past half hour (or hour for ep 1) before rushing to see end credit scene lmfao

gives me same vibes as in like my s-class hunters with um. um. um. yknow what im pretty sure thats spoilers but if you know that scene you probably understand what i mean???

'i swear why is express delivery so unreliable' GIRL i can actually relate to this a few months ago i moved and im just sat here in misery as some furniture has gotten lost and its like dude all my stuff was in there tf do i do now wth 😭😭😭

it arrived eventually but if i got lost idk what id do it has all my stationary and like drawings and journals 💀

actually how tf DID he know ????

'found it, has he?' oh i just got chills down my spine man damn thats a deep voice

oh wait he was on call did someone alert him? whyd it show a scene of him closing a book tho was that a red herring

or well i think the books important if i recall it had a hint or something but tbh i forgor

'now we can finally start the game'

😭😭😭???

the music picking up like probably the mans heartbeat after liu xiao(? is that his name i always worry i misremember) presses the trigger and then it like quiets down a little after the man picks up the gun because of his ability of like yeah its okay still nervous but less

do we know why hes so interested in cxs' dad or is that prob a thing we'll learn in s3

malewife energy we love a man who can clean (tho iirc cxs does the cooking right? or am i misremembering)

bruhs like 'lu guang protect me! youre on my side right?'

LMFAO THE WINKING

SERIOUSLY WANGXIAN VIBES

wwx is doing something silly and then hides behind lwj like cmon youre on my side right and then lwj is like *sigh* and then defends him

i wish no trauma aus were canon dude it might be boring as hell but itd be so cute and i just want to wrap them all up in bubble wrap aghh

male.wife.

ohh the filter put on the voices when showing parts of something that happened in a previous timeline is spooky

its like. kinda distorted a little bit which is cool. like you know how its like something something the more you i think you copy a tape or something like that the worse it gets? its like generation loss or something like that i forget exactly but it reminds me of that. ithappened in a different time so its distorted, a little messed up, not in perfect condition, or at least maybe in his memories. idk if im making sense i want to sleep but i wanna finish the ep first

bruhs like what is this? a message? now?

trying to understand the reason of why his mom didnt want him to go to bridon but tbh im not the best at putting puzzles together i need like an explanation or something thats probably just like a re-explanation of events just in a way that idk a 5 year old could understand 💀

wait is cxs taller than lu guang

HE IS WTH I JUST NEVER NOTICED LMFAO

why does what vein says kinda osunds like an innuendo 😭 bruh please not my innuendo during the lu guang trauma scene

ITS NOT FINE LU GUANG GET A THERAPIST

TAKE A PAGE OF OUT OF THE LIVE ACTION BOOK actually like get a therapist 😭😭😭

?? he has a fang? i just never noticed

[ajax0x]

Linked through pain

Tw: light violence, self harm, implied abuse, murder/assasination + first ever fanfic ive made public

Childe x g/n reader

might countine the story if this goes well!!

Fanfic under the cut!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ajax was 6 years old when he first found out about soulmates.

He remembers asking his parents why they had matching marks on their skin, and he remembers the way his mother smiled and crouched down to be on eye level with him as she explained.

"Every person has a soulmate, and every person is linked with their soulmate in a different way. Me and your father had a matching mark on our skin, my dear"

Listening to his mothers words made him curious, and he remembers asking one thing and one thing only.

"How will i know in what way me and my soulmate are linked?"

His mother only smiled in response.

"One day, you will just know"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He was 9 years old when he woke up screaming.

Everything hurt, his entire body felt like it was on fire. His mother and father rushed into his room in a panic, worried for their son. His screaming had been so loud, he woke up his younger siblings. His mother was the first at his side, frantically asking him what happend and checking over his body for any signs of visible injuries.

When she found none, she simply hugged her son and rocked him back and forth until the screaming stopped. Once ajax was able to talk again, he tearfully told his parents that he had just woken up in horrible pain, and that was when they knew something was wrong.

His parents never said it out loud, but ajax knew they were worried. Worried, not for him, but for his soulmate.

That was the night ajax found out that he could feel his soulmates pain, and they could feel his.

That night was only the first, as ajax started waking up in horrible pain regulary.

After the first time it happend, ajax promised himself that one day, when he was older and stronger, he would find his soulmate.

And he would protect them so no one could hurt them like that ever again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He was 14 when he went missing for 3 days.

He was gone for 3 days, and once he came back, he was never quite the same.

He had gained a sudden bloodlust, and went from this soft, gentle young boy to this..

Monster.

Nobody said it to him, but he knew they were all thinking it.

Ajax started getting into fights with the other kids, beating them bloody, and yet it was never enough.

He had a thirst for more, and his parents couldnt give him that.

Once his parents couldnt handle him anymore, feeling like he had become a danger to everyone around him, they took the only option they had left.

He was 14 when he was sent off to the fatui.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Military life suited him.

He did exceptionally well in combat, and rarely got into trouble.

Sometimes, his family would write to him, and he would always be happy to write back.

Ajax pushed himself to his limits and beyond on the battlefield, often times ending up with a broken bone or two after a fight, and his soulmate no doubt felt all of it.

Ajax was the cause of most of their shared pain these days, and he felt kind of bad because of it, but he just couldnt stop himself from testing his limits.

He just hoped they would forgive him for it one day.

They were still getting hurt too, but it wasnt as bad as it used to be, and ajax no longer woke up screaming in pain each night.

Everything was going just fine.

Until it wasnt.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ajax was 16 when it happend.

He had woken up in pain once again, but this time, it was different. His screams had been loud enough to wake the dead, and when someone came to check on him, they found him frantically clawing at his arms and wrists.

A few fatui soldiers attempted to pin him onto the floor, but when he couldnt scratch at his own skin anymore, he would scratch at anything and everything else. He kept saying the same thing over and over again, but among his screaming, nobody could figure out what he was trying to say.

And when they couldnt calm him down, they knocked him unconscious instead.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When ajax woke up again, he couldnt remember much of what happend, but he remembered the pain.

His soulmates pain.

He had felt his soulmates pain before, but this time it was different. It wasnt like any of the other times, it wasnt like the shared pain he had felt as a child, it was like hell itself. His entire body felt like it had just gone through the worst kind of torture imaginable, and he wondered

"What kind of person can endure such pain?"

For ajax, that was the worst night of his life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

They called it, 'the incident', and it had managed to catch a certain harbingers attention.

Pulcinella was a very reasonable man, and he saw potential in ajax. Potential for something more than just a fatui soldier.

It was his call that would forever change ajax's life, for better or worse.

He was 17 when he was awarded his harbinger titel.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ajax went by childe these days, and with his new position as a fatui harbinger, thoughts of his soulmate faded into the back of his mind.

He never stopped wishing he could meet them one day, to protect them from harm and be there for them, to grow old with them and start a family one day, but his work simply didnt allow him enough freetime to activly look for them.

'The incident' was the last time he woke up screaming in pain, and he could only hope it would stay as the last time forever.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Childe stared at the busy streets of liyue through a window, waiting for the sun to set. Because when the sun set, all was fair game, and there would be no innocent people on the streets to get into the middle of what would go down tonight.

He didnt normally partake in debt collections, but he had been feeling especially bloodthirsty lately, and who was he to pass up on such a opportunity?

It was practically handed to him on a silver platter, after all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Through the now empty streets of liyue ran a young man, no older than 25. He had been running for what seemed like hours, trying to escape the unescapable, turning and jumping at every sound in the dark.

He was running like he was a mouse being chased by a owl, and in a way, he was. Just a prey being chased by a predator, praying to any god willing to listen to safe him from his ultimate demise.

It seemed the gods had answered his prayers, as the next moment he spotted a person walking near the harbor, looking no older than 19. He reconsidered his options for a moment, but he soon heard the laughter of the person he had been running from all this time, and with that his choice was made.

The young man grabbed the person by their hair, slapping his hand over their mouth and pulling them infront of him as a human shield. He didnt care if they got injured, as long as he could save himself.

A laugh came from the darkness as the person struggled against the mans grip.

"Do you really think a human shield will save you?"

Childes voice echoed throughout the empty streets of liyue. Footsteps could be heard coming closer, and it only caused the man to start panicking more, pulling on the hair of the person he had snatched.

"Boo"

Childe had always had a talent for sneaking up on people, and as the arrow of his bow hit the back of the mans head, he thought of it as pretty useful.

The mans body dropped limp to the ground, the arrow having pierced through his head, coming out on the other side and making for a nearly instant death. The person he had attempted to use as a human shield was still standing where he had held them, most likely paralyzed from shock, though visibly shacking. Childe almost felt bad for them, almost.

"Go, im not here for you"

That was all he needed to say, as the next moment, they had already started running as far away from the scene as possible. Childe watched them run, knowing his job here was done.

Atleast, thats what he thought.

Just as childe was about to turn around and leave the scene, he watched the person who was still running trip and fall flat onto their face, though they quickly got up again to keep running from the scene. He thought nothing of it at first, ready to leave aswell, until..

He felt a sharp pain on his face, like he had just fallen flat on it.

[d3k4z-bl00d]

"ive always hated you."

Pairing

König x gn reader (male leaning)

Warnings

violence, no detailed gore, König hates reader, reader hates König, König is an asshole, suggestive at the end (?), I lost motivation half way, this is based of a bot, is this an outlet for my own rage against him? yes.

Summary

You two hate each other, now your in a locker. Together.

The moment you stepped foot into Kortac, is the moment you hated despised könig. He was so cocky for no reason. Always finding out something wrong in your stance, seeing to the millimeter how much you missed the target, how your plan you spent days on would fail miserably, etc. It's not like you could teach him a lesson, he's your colonel afterall.

It didn't help how you captain didn't take your countless fights seriously. Thinking it's some common bittering. If bittering was wanting to stab him, he would be correct.

Horangi found it funny how you two hated each other so much for basically no reason. Always side eyeing each other, an accidental nudge turning into a fight scene until someone (multiple people) pulled you off each other, choosing ech other to spar just to show how much they could hurt them, etc.

Kreuger found it funny at first, then it just became annoying how you guys would yell at each other on missions, almost costing their lives. Him and hutch had gone to the captain countless times. Just being met with a chuckle and "they'll fight it out one day"

Nikto found it annoying at day one. He agreed with both of you and found both of you annoying. He didn't care at all for anyone. He half listened when kreuger ranted about you two.

That's until captain himself had enough and sent both of you on a small misson together in hopes you two can work together for once. When you both found out, you two's defenses on why not to go fell on deaf ears. For once you two agree on something atleast.

You two didn't uther a word to each other the whole ride. Just staring with loath. When you arrived at the location. You both hopped out. The misson was simple, enter building, kill some guards, take Intel and leave.

Easy right? Yeah..

You were first. You plunged you knife into the guards throat. The corpse dropped to the ground as you snatched the keys. You motioned könig to come. You whispered something under your breath. "Hm?" The Austrian giant hummed. "Nothing." You said back stoic, not wanting to cause a fight now. You two proceeded. Until someone got away (definitely königs fault). They alerted the rest as a alarm rang through the building. You make a run for it, intending to leave König behind. But just like everytime, he ruins that. He caught up to you and pushed you into a locker with quick thinking. He also cramped himself in there. "Smart ass plan, big gu-" you got cut off by a hand covering your face (literally). Your two hands held his on your face as you looked up unamused. He brought to pointer finger to his mouth, a sign for you to shut up. As if you can talk. The sounds on tens of footsteps sound. When the sound was right infront of your locker, it stopped and decreased again. König took his hands off your face. "Fuck you." You said as he did. "Shut up, just because their gone doesn't mean you should be your loud ass self." He said quietly with his stupid Austrian accent. You were about to say something, yet you realized you promised yourself you wouldn't argue with him on this misson. You just nodded resentfully. Staying quiet.

After what felt like 5 minutes of being pressed to each other in awkward silence. You talked again, "when are we getting out?" "When I want too." The annoying voice you heard to much today echoed in the locker. You grunted and tried to move. Before könig grabbed your hips to stop you. "Stop moving.." He grunted. You were confused and tried to get out his grip, causing him to grip you tighter and press you more against the locker wall, if it was even possible. You pressed himself against the other wall. Still holding you, you too were still touching. "If you were just.. smaller.. this would have been way easier." You sighed, giving up on typing to escape. "You think I don't know that?" His hateful voice gave his answer. You sighed. This was going to be a long misson..

TY FOR READING! IF U HAVE A REQUEST OR ASK CHECK MY INTRODUCTION AND GO TOR IT! I DONT JUDGE 🩷🩷

taglist: @ridicheajohn

[rindough]

for the song thingy !! ive had i will from mitski on repeat for a couple of days and my brain cant help but think about blade w it... especially the first verse 🤕

hello anon!! n this song is so... calm? its smth i would listen to in the morning, which is why i pair mornings with blade after nights where he has his moments, or mornings when he suddenly feels like a weight being pushed onto him, causing him to stir and stir, flopping left and right in bed.

the problem with blade is that he is GOOD at being silent at night, if he has a hard time falling asleep, best believe he uses his capabilities to the max and silently uses his phone by your side as you sleep, unknowing your lover is still wide awake at the ungodly hours. sometimes when you do catch him being wide awake, staring at the ceiling or curled up into a ball with a phone in his hand, mindlessly scrolling through reels or whatever article, you'd pull him close into your embrace, which he gladly indulges, but he doesnt blame how slumber could easily sweep you off your feet into dream land.

if only he could stay asleep at this time like you.

perhaps he had his coffee at an inappropriate time, or he has his moments when nightmares and trauma haunts him. which brings him to now, where he blinks at the ray of sunlight that beams happily onto his face. how long has he been asleep for? probably less than a single hand of his.

"morning bladie," he grunts at your direction, seeing you walking around the room to pick your phone up before coming to his side, flopping beside this lump of comforter as he feels your two limps pull him into your warmth. "sorry i can't stay up with you last night."

he hums, not with any ill intention but simply cuz he was tired. he knows how hard you've tried form the way you try to fight your heavy eyelids last night.

"enough sleep?" he smiles at the smile giggle that leaves your lips when he wraps his comforter around you, engulfing you in his 'big' hug.

"i dont know. maybe?"

"then we'll stay in today," you look up at him, grinning before pecking the bottom of his chin. you stood up.

"come," you put a hand out which he gladly takes. once out of the room, he's just... he's just surrounded by LOVE, like it's in the air, in your body language, in your words, your shared house. the smell of tea, the smell of toast and breakfast pulls him out of his misery a little. bringing him into the present when he stares at the sunlit counter top. he slowly sits down, watching your back as you begin stirring a cup that he knows will be his to drink soon. and when you turn to meet him with eyes that know too well on his surroundings and his experiences, to observe the features on a face he longs and adores daily, on a face he has seen gone through so many emotions in your time together, both as work companions and lovers. he feels his heart grow heavy, both in guilt and from warmth, from this thing called 'love'.

you scoff, growing a little self conscious given how long he's been studying your face. "what?"

"thank you." blade utters, a hand coming up to rub his knuckles along the skin of your cheek. the way your lips easily mellow into a smile brings him to want to kiss you, yet he refrains so. maybe later, he thinks.

you look away, lips pouting a little whilst he watches the way your shoulder shrugs. "anything for you? what's up... baby?"

he grins at how sheepish you've become, the hand that was caressing your cheek slips to the back of your neck, pulling you into his arms.

"thank you, y/n." he says once more, a hand by the back of your torso while the other caresses your head.

to him, your effort and love for him is great and sometimes it leaves him thinking what did he do to deserve this? but honestly i think he deserves everything life has to offer.

he's grateful, forever grateful to have you by his side.

[paintyoureyeswithavividmind]

close to home | chapter sixty eight

close to home | chapter sixty eight

plot: the reader wakes up with new scars

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 2,084 Warnings: violence, blood, typical twd, torture, character deaths A/N: thank you for reading!! not my best chapter but oh well also. I think I need to get a second job my student loans are brutal and everything is so expensive are any of my readers looking for a sugar baby lol

The agony that Daryl felt when you got shot was child's play compared to carrying your body all the way to the Kingdom. He couldn’t tell if you were dead or not, and he struggled to keep himself together long enough to get you back. 

As soon as he got you into the infirmary, Adam got to work. 

“She’s pregnant,” Daryl nearly yelled. “Ya gotta check the baby first. If it’s gone, you get it out of her right now, ya understand me!” 

The doctor went to work hooking up an old ultrasound machine while Siddiq, who was struggling to walk, started cleaning up your face. Daryl could hardly stomach looking at you as he paced back and forth in anger and worry. 

“Let’s go!” Daryl yelled. 

“I got it…” Adam said. 

Daryl paused and listened to a faint heartbeat. His stomach dropped to his feet. “Is that…”

“That’s the baby. We need to get her on an IV right now,” Adam said. 

“What about her face? Her arms? Those cuts!”

“I can’t do everything at once!” Adam yelled. “Grab wipes and pick a spot. She needs an IV and antibiotics immediately if she and the baby are going to live.”

That shut Daryl up, and he went to the sink to wash your blood off his hands and take off his ring. Then he walked over to Siddiq. “Tell me what to do.”

***

Two days later, your eyes opened. As soon as they did, the pain came flooding in, and so did panic. You wrapped your arm around your stomach and couldn’t get enough air in all of a sudden. You felt like you were about to scream, but your throat hurt, and you couldn’t find your voice.

“Hey, hey,” Daryl was by your side, grabbing your arms. “Ya okay, ya okay. Ya safe. We’re at the Kingdom.”

You shook your head. “They’re here. She’s here. They took us.” Your voice was soft, and you could hear the strain on it. “She took us, they killed them. They killed them.”

“I know, I know. Ya need to breathe, baby girl. Take a breath.”

“My baby, did I lose my baby?” You cried. “Tell me the baby is alive.”

“The baby is alive,” Daryl said, trying to stop you from shaking. “Ya need to calm down. The baby is okay. She made it.”

“She?” You stilled and looked at him. 

“It’s a girl.”

Tears filled your eyes, and you looked down as you cried. “I thought I lost her. I thought I lost another one.”

Daryl’s heart broke, and he moved to sit behind you in the bed. Then he brought you down so he could wrap his arms around you. “No, baby girl, she’s okay. Ya kept her safe. Ya did so good.”

In a desperate move to feel safer, you grabbed his hands and sent them on your belly. You immediately felt safer, and you tried to relax onto his chest. You were still breathing heavily as your mind whirled and your body ached.

You were shaking uncontrollably, and you kept closing your eyes to blink out the memories of the last time you were awake. The screaming, the fighting, it kept replaying in your head over and over again. 

“Ya okay,” Daryl whispered from behind you. “Ya safe. I got ya.”

You blinked back tears and grabbed the blanket, pulling it around you so you felt more protected. You felt protected with his arms around you and his hands still on your belly. Your baby felt protected. 

“I’m safe,” You whispered to yourself.

“Safe,” He repeated and kissed your temple. “Ya gonna be safe always ‘cause ya ain’t ever leavin’ my side again.”

You nodded and pulled the blankets under your chin. “Never.”

“‘M so sorry,” He kissed your temple. “‘S all my fault. I shoulda stayed like ya asked.”

You shook your head. “She would’ve killed you. She wanted to. She wanted to kill me to hurt you.”

“What?”

Your hands started shaking again as her words kept replying in your head. “She wanted to teach you a lesson cause of Lydia. She was watching me in my room. She saw me. She said she couldn’t kill me ‘cause of the baby. But she could hurt me.” 

“Okay, okay. Ya don’ gotta talk ‘bout it right now.” 

“I tried,” You started to cry. “I tried to fight them. I tried to help protect our friends. Tara… Enid… Frankie… Henry,” You cried harder, and he went to pull you closer, but you started freaking out and moved his hands back.

“Ya did what ya could’ve. Ain’ ya fault. Ya almost died with ‘em.”

“I should’ve.”

“Don’ say that.”

You closed your eyes and gripped the blanket. “They died fighting. I was fighting. But I didn’t die, and they did. Oh God, Tara..” You cried harder. She’d been with you for so long. You couldn’t help but think about when you went off with the group to D.C. and how Tara was with you. She reminded you so much of yourself, and now she was gone. Everyone was gone. Everyone from that tiny little group was dead or gone. Glenn, Abraham, Maggie, and now Tara. You, Rosita, and Eugene were all that was left. 

Daryl sat up and hooked one of his arms around your legs to bring you onto his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he set his hand against your belly again. 

“I know, I know,” He soothed you. “Ya almost died. Our… our baby almost died. Ya did enough.”

You laid your head against his chest as exhaustion hit you. “I’m so tired… stay with me, okay? Don’t leave.”

“I won’.”

You set a hand on top of his. “And don’t move your hand. You gotta protect her while I sleep…” You mumbled, and then you were out. 

***

Daryl’s legs were asleep, and his arm was getting numb, too. But you were asleep in his arms, and he couldn’t move without waking you. And he didn’t want that.

He had to look away from you every few minutes in order to calm himself down. Anger, guilt, and regret filled him each time he saw the bandage over your broken nose, busted lip, and black and blue eyes. The thick white bandages wrapped around your upper arms and forearms reminded him of what you’d endured. 

And then his hand, still resting on your belly; it was worst of all. He wanted to kick himself in the ass for not noticing it earlier. Not that you were showing when you were dressed, and he hadn’t seen you undressed with everything going on in a while. But still. How could he not have noticed his own wife was pregnant?

Daryl kept thinking about when he was with the woman that called herself Alpha. When she showed him the herd she controlled. If he’d known, if he’d known about what she did to you, he would’ve killed her right then and there. He would’ve taken out every last one of them if it meant this didn’t happen to you. 

Torture. 

God, it made him sick just thinking about it. He desperately wanted to know everything that happened in that barn. Everything they did to you, so he could do it to them. 

Daryl glanced down at your sleeping face and then at your stomach, and he gently pulled your shirt up. The bump wasn’t very big at all. Half of it was underneath a layer of bandages, and he gently rubbed his hand against it. 

A girl. A daughter. He was going to be a father. 

***

You woke up a few hours later to the door opening. Half your body was lying on top of Daryl’s, who jolted awake at the sudden noise. 

But it was only Adam, who seemed surprised. “I’m sorry, I just came in to do a check-up.”

“It’s fine.” You muttered, wincing as you sat up. Everything was still sore and still hurt. 

Adam worked quietly to get the machine up and running while Daryl got off the bed and helped you lie back. He stood by your head with his hand in yours while Adam started the ultrasound. You could hear the baby’s steady heartbeat and sighed with relief. Even though Daryl told you she was fine, it was good to hear it yourself. 

“I think we’re through the worst for her,” Adam said. “I know you’re in a lot of pain, but nothing was life-threatening. Keep your wounds clean and wrapped. Your nose should heal in about three weeks or so. I’ll happily do as many ultrasounds as you want, but I think you can move back into your room.”

“Ya sure?”

Adam nodded. “Positive. She needs rest, water, and food. But like I said, you can come see me whenever you want. You can take the wheelchair for a couple days if you want while you get your energy back up. This way, you can get some fresh air.”

When the door closed behind Adam, Daryl helped you sit up. “You wanna go rest in your bed?”

You shook your head. “I’m really, really hungry. Can we go to the dining hall?”

“‘Course,” Daryl said.

Your husband helped you into the chair and then took the blanket from the bed to keep you warm. He then wheeled you out of the infirmary and into the cold air. But it felt good. It smelt good and made you feel like you were a person again. 

Dog started barking immediately and ran up to you, pushing his nose into your hand. You smiled and gave him a few pets behind the ear. 

“He likes ya better than me,” Daryl grunted. 

***

To your surprise, most of your family was already at the dining hall. Michonne was there with Judith, Rosita, and Gabriel were there, and so were the newcomers. You smiled immediately when you saw your family. 

Rosita nearly gasped when she saw you, which got everyone else's attention as Daryl pushed you to the table. He told you that he was going to get you food. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Are you in a lot of pain?”

Multiples of that question were thrown your way, and you leaned back against the chair to answer everyone. “I am okay. The baby is okay. And not to brag, but you guys, I held up pretty well under torture.”

“Of course,” Rosita rolled her eyes at your joke. “Seriously, are you okay? The baby.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Michonne said. 

“Seriously, me and the baby are fine. I promise. And I’m sorry, Michonne, I was going to.”

“I knew she was,” Judith smiled at you. “I was the first one!”

“How did she know and not me?” Michonne asked, which made everyone laugh.

By then, Daryl was back with food, and you thanked him before digging in. You were utterly starving after sleeping the past few days and needed to start eating for two now. Thinking of two, as well.

“Congratulations, Daryl,” Gabriel said. “I’m happy for you two.”

He nodded as he ate, and you, Michonne, and Rosita carried most of the conversation. They filled you in on what has been happening, funeral preparations for those you lost--though they’d most likely be carried out at the respective communities. That, of course, broke your heart. 

The topic moved on to something else as you finished eating, but it felt good to be around your friends that you just sat and listened. You reached under the table to grab Daryl’s hand, and you smiled sadly at him when he looked at you.

Connie tapped on your shoulder, and you looked at her, watching her hands as she signed. But she was moving too fast, and you had to ask her to slow down. 

I just wanted to say congrats on your pregnancy, and I’m so sorry for what happened to you, she signed. 

The two of you continued your conversation, you having to spell out a decent amount of words, but it was nice. But unfortunately, the night ended, and you were falling asleep in the chair. Everyone from Alexandria will be leaving tomorrow, aside from you and Daryl. You’d be staying a few more days before going home. So you said goodbye to everyone and got a big hug from Judith before Daryl took you back to your room.

[poetthewriter]

Hello, I was wondering if you could write a Team Ranchers / Jimmy and Tango like maybe if they all hadn't seen each other in a long time and get reunited. (I hope this is specific enough im not great with explaining things.) If your requests aren't open you can completely ignore this. I hope you are and have an amazing day and thank you for even reading this.!!

Tell a friend to tell a friend he's baaaackkkk, Hi beautifuls! ive been gone for so long and i'm trying to get myself back into swing!! you all have been so patient with me and i give the biggest thats for that<3 for now i will be emptying my inbox and hopefully get it re-opened you can still always send me requests it might just take time!!

The Way Back Home.

Ranchers x GnReader

Life series= 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒑𝒔&𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒘𝒔🌶️🥕🌽

smidge of : 𝑬𝒎𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔= 𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒔&𝑻𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔🥮🍡🍯

An alone soul was not known of in the newest game of life, each person tied to another holding them together with the bond of a soul filled string. You on the other hand were alone. maybe it was a punishment from the watchers above or maybe a gift from the ears that listened in. You would watch as the pairs lived each holding something, each other. Even if they didn't want to be they were together no matter what and once again you seemed to always remember you were alone.

One colder day, you walked over the bridge that crossed above the deep river alone. The grass crushed under the soft stomp of your feet and as you looked up you had spot and smelt the ashing woodstove of the ranch. Coming closer you saw the two men out front of the build and kept you distance continuing on your route, Tango was the first to spot your hair flying in the windy air.

Almost as bright as his fiery hair his voice yelled to the brown path calling your attention, Jimmy looked over his shoulder and soon joined in with his other half. You were confused and to be honest just wanted to return to you base, your hands were blistered with bruises and coal from the mines. You wanted to rest and to finish living out this stupid game.

With a soft tired breath you walked closer to the two men, both leaned on the fence. Tango rested his face on his muddy hands looking at you as you walked closer from the other side of the fence, on the other hand Jimmy sat teetering on the edge waiting for you curiously.

"Y/n! how do you do!" Tangos loud voice sprung, you looked at him with a confused and exhausted gaze honestly debating on whether or not answering, but you had to, the giddy smirks on their faces left you with no choice.

"How are you Tango, Timmy?" you responded trying to keep as much of a beat as you could, Jimmy didn't seem to impressed by the common nickname but let it slide, for now.

Tango and Jim continued to ask you on about you day wondering about your coal stained arms, tired eyes and slouchy posture. It was almost to much for you to process.

soon after, with a lot of pressure they finally pushed you right on inside and served you with a warm meal and bed. it was nice, comfortable, warm. A big difference from the wet, cold base you had made for your temporary stay.

After that you were never the same and by that you never left, they let you stay, more like they wanted you to stay. You grew to feel something that could never last across the known brutal ends of trials like this. They grew to love you, more than anything. And you, you grew to adore them.

As the end came your last sight was that of the two far beyond your reach, a cold and swift sword piercing you from behind. You shouldn't have gotten so connected in this game, you knew how it would end. and with that fact in mind this death hurt more than anything, cause now you had something to lose. You lost it.

It was like limbo, nothing was around you and it felt like an eternity since you felt warmth, or the touch of anything. You floated around in a dream like state till you finally woke up.

Weeks? Monthes? there was nothing and this close you mind had been from losing its self. A crystalline portal stood waving in front of you calling you name, pulling you closer, it almost felt familiar. Slowly steeping one hand through it felt warm as the sun, fresh as the sky, all you body could do was push itself through.

Standing up from the fertile grounds a view of beautiful architecture stood high, a large purple portal and many different sectors of buildings. Voices were everywhere but none were recognisable until the joyful chuckle of a cowboy rung to your ears like a whistle to a dog. Your head snapped and feet moved quick as light chasing down the sweet soft sound that you had left behind.

There, two stood.

As the trees bumbled with swishes behind them everything felt perfect and nothing could have prepared you for the moment your eyes met theirs. Tangos eyes went wide as his eyebrows turned downwards well Jimmy's shocked face rose with a still of disbelief.

"You..." Tango stumbled of his feet.

"You came home!!" jimmy yelled without a thought

"I found my way back..."

The four leg shared between the two moved like that of a lightning bolt and there they were, there you were. Back into their arms.

[theogonize]

hi bae its 🎾anon and im craving domestic wilson ugnndh

imagine you guys are going camping, just a casual 3 night-RV park vacation. it all started when he told you about camping trips with his dad and brothers and you were like “omg thats so funny ive never been camping” and he immediately planned a trip (cause hes your father figure in a horrible sexy fucked up way)

so you two find a nice secluded spot in the park to set up shop and wilson looks so hot and incredibly dorky because he has a massive fucking camper backpack and a stupid fishing vest and his cheeks are so bite-able and dhskdhsj

anywayysss its chilly out and you n him are by the fire and hes cuddling you, ur making smores together and he gets sticky marshmallow on his dimple so you lick it off of him- he gets turned the fuck on by this so you guys end up making out and groping eachother before bed

the next few days are spent with him teaching you how to cast a line or whatever idgaf about fishing unless hes my instructor 😍 you also go for the occasional hike to spot flora and native birds, headcanon for a sec but imagine wilson being a birdwatcher hes such a damn dork ugh

despite all the fun you had on the trip, youre happy to be back at the condo with an actual shower head and some “who wants to be a millionaire”.you and him have reached the point in your relationship where youve gone camping. huh.

(sorry for the rant i needed to get this out hes so daddy😫😫😫)

god made me mentally ill so it all lead up to me enjoying domestic wilson with extreme enthusiasm

you're so sick and twisted for that father figure in a horrible sexy fucked up way because if u tell him that u want to experience the epic highs and lows of rv camping, he will literally have it booked and ready the next day because that's what his pretty girl wants. and he doesn't want you to ever experience any form of discomfort so he packs extra heavy with the worlds most exhaustive first aid kit and twenty pairs of clothes.

and it's so soso so sexy how he's literally an expert at this stuff. something about a man being in tune with nature and knowing what he's doing is just hot as fuck. he's literally doing all the work and when youre all pouty like i wanna do something too, he'll give in like fine you can collect the sticks for the fire. only to follow you because he's irrationally afraid of you being eaten alive by a bear or something. and every stick you pick up, you give it to him. and he stares at your ass every time you're bent over <3

god forbid you get a splinter because he's gonna treat it like you're losing all your arm. if your legs get sore, he will definitely attempt to pick you up (his back is gonna give out so you urge him to skip that)

and all he wants to do is cuddle with you when you're in his mcgill sweater around the campfire. you're in charge of making s'mores while he's incharge of staring at how the bright orangy light bounces off your pretty features. the rv is quiet small so it's extra snuggly and comfy :((((((((((((((((

AND I DO THINK HE HAS A BIRDWATCHER IN HIM...

next morning when he takes you fishing, you can barely pay attention at all because he's in a beautiful navy shirt with the top few buttons open and sleeves rolled and hair tousled as the lake breeze hits his face. he's never looked so handsome, moreso because he's patiently explaining whatever they do when they catch the fish. and then he calls you out to catch a few yourself. it's laughable how bad you are at first, he can definitely tell you weren't listening. he walks behind you then, guiding your hand, showing you how its done. and when you wait for the fish to start nibbling at the weight, his arms are just casually wrapped around your waist as he rests his face in the crook of your neck. the simple, devastating domesticity of it all. the lake, the birds, the sun. and the two of you. like this.

you and him have reached the point in your relationship where youve gone camping. huh.

[resuswhore]

overview: m/m resus, fluid in lungs; cpr, suction, pacing, very hardware heavy. whumpy with a happy ending.

- this was originally written as personal/private piece, I wrote to get off, but I decided to share, so the flow might be a little odd. - perspective slightly shifts from beginning to end, but nothing drastic, just a heads up. - this is my first official piece on here, hope y'all like it.

I need to hold a limp and vulnerable boy in my arms, to feel his soft skin and brittle bones fall completely to my will, I want to hold his hands in mine, knowing his life depends on me. I want to hold him as he lays unconscious in a hospital gown, to kiss his almost too cool forehead, and listen to the beep beep beep beep of the monitor as his heart struggles to beat for itself.

I want his body is intruded upon; IVs in his hands and wrists, even in the crooks of his elbows, a PICC line taped down against his bicep, a central line embedded against his chest, a jugular line if I’m really luck, giving me access to all of him, to his weak heart and sickly body. I’ll to press kisses along his arms, port to port, iv to iv, feeling the sterile plastic beneath my lips. I’ll hold his cold hands in mine, weary of the pulse ox taped to his forefing, making sure to be gentle as I hold onto him like I’m his lifeline, and in a way, I am.

I will take him into my arms as he struggles to remain in the same plane as me, slipping between the veil of life and death. I’ll call his name and shake him in a way that seems far to harsh despite my attempts to be gentle with his fragile body; I’ll to watch as his limbs flutter around helplessly, and his head lolls against my shoulder, his face remaining slack.

As his heart begins to fade, I’ll force my knuckles into his sternum, rubbing at it harshly until it is covered in bruises. I want to feel his weak attempts at whimpers and the hiss of struggled breaths, as I try desperately to force life back into his weakening chest, to make his dying heart beat a bit stronger, a bit faster. I’ll take seflish pride in knowing the pain I’m causing him is saving his life, even if something that could almost label as guilt or shame tears through my own heart.

I’ll try to help him breathe, even if I know my actions are futile; I’ll help him sit upright, laying him against my chest, fluid spilling from his lips as I use a single, gentle hand against his throat, gripped tightly around his jaw, to hold his airway nice and open, while also tilting his head slightly down to allow him to pass the fluid keeping him from getting air. Every time he begins to choke, despite lacking the energy to do so, I’ll use my finger to clear his throat of spit and fluid so he can attempt to breathe clearly. When he stutters through half a breath, choking before he can fully fill his lungs, I’ll press my mouth over his and give him some of my own breath, feeling his chest rise and fall, his cheeks pillowing and throat shifting as I do so, bobbing as he nearly chokes over the force of my air going down his throat, pressing gentle kisses to his lips between each breath.

Eventually, he’ll stop breathing against me entirely, and I will hear him gurgling on his own spit until he is too weak to attempt another, and feel his ribs stopping shifting with the far too intense effort it took to pull even the smallest amount of air into his body, and his weak attempts at coughs as his lungs give out, jerking his chest against my own pitifully, his head pulling back ever so slightly until he goes entirely slack. My own heart will ache and my stomach will tingle with something eerily similar to arousal as his heart follows suit, flickering out from its already slow rhythm until there is nothing but a sharp ringing in the air. I’ll shift the hand currently holding his airway open, letting his head sag and his airway obstruct almost completely, to press my fingers deeply into his carotid, wanting to feel for myself that he is gone.

Before I can even process the fact that his heart has truly stopped, I will quickly scoop him up into my arms, his head falling off my shoulder and sagging helplessly, causing his neck to extend in an exposed fashion, before laying him out on the bed haphazardly, surrounded by the muffed-up blue hospital sheets and myriad of lines and wires and tubes that curl around him like some sort of all-consuming halo, letting his gown ride up and become disheveled, exposing his beautiful skin; the boney curves of his chest, the way his ribs stick out ever so slightly to protect his weak lungs and weaker heart, the soft flesh of his belly, the sharp edges of his collar bone.

I’ll press my fingers to each of his leads, making sure they’re firmly stuck down where they are littered over his chest, and rearrange the wires so they lay nicely against his form. As I let my eyes scan over his unmoving body, I’ll tighten the blood pressure cuff around his thigh, just to be safe. I’ll card my fingers through his hair and study his emotionless face, pressing kisses over his closed eyes and to the corners of his cold lips.

As I half heartedly pump his chest with one hand, I’ll attempt to shove my suction tube down his throat with the other, trying desperately to do the job of 2 people, maybe three people at once, or more so, the work his body should be doing but can’t. I’ll hear the satisfying crackle of fluid leaving his wet lungs, all while his head bobs with each compression, his body offering no other reaction to the bowing of his ribs or the tube down his throat. I’ll struggle at the angle, having to abandon his heart to focus on his lungs.

I want to watch his lips turn blue as I struggle to suction all the fluid from his throat and lungs, unable to truly get any air in his lungs, no matter how many times I pressed my lips to his and blew as hard as I could, only to feel my breath gargle in his lungs. I’d shift his head over and over until I decided to place and OPA, slipping the plastic tube down his throat, finally establishing an airway; I’d use it to place a suction tube down his airway, into his lungs, finally clearing enough fluid give his body what it so desperately needed. I’ll press my warm, pink, lips to his cold, gray-ish ones, finding them sickly moist, but finally feeling air move through the plastic tube and down into his lungs, lifting his chest in the process, the warm air coming back cool.

Once I can get his airway stabilized, I’ll go back to his chest, finding his once pale ivory skin now tinted gray. His delicate ribs bow beneath my hands almost too easily, his stomach bulging and his shoulders jumping with each compression. The sound of the gentle gasps of air that leave him, almost whistling past the OPA, as I break his chest and the quiet but still harsh beeping of the EKG as it warns me of his dropping stats and the effects of my compressions on his sick heart filling my ears.

I want to make use of all those ports, filling him with fluids and drugs, desperately hooking him up to whatever I can get my hands on, anything that could potentially bring him back to me. I’ll send adrenaline straight through his PICC line, fluids and vasopressors through his IVs, trying to stabilize his dying body or bring back even the most feeble of heart beats.

I’d have to keep breathing for him, stopping my compressions when my shoulders begin to burn more than I can power through, only to drape myself over him, fingers in his hair, as I press our mouths together, breathing into the OPA, air filling past the plastic tube. I’ll repeat the action over and over again, filling my lovers lungs with air, reveling in the smoothness the airway brings to our one-sided exchange of air, how the air whisps out of it with a gentle hiss, how steady it feels when I place my hand to his chest, feeling it fill his moist lungs.

I still have to pause to suction him over and over, to keep him from drowning on his own fluids, but something about the action, feeding the tube down his throat and working it through his lungs, hearing the crackle of fluid, and even when I go back to breathing for him, his chest rattles every now and again despite my best efforts. His lips grow colder and colder against mine as time passes, but as I breathe for him again and again, they momentarily match my warmth before I go back to compressions, our last exchange feeling almost like a kiss, but surely cool when I abandon them.

I’ll pull his gown even further down to expose his full chest, and the bruises I’ve left, so I can press AED pads to his skin, feeling his bones shift beneath me as I press them to his chest firmly. I’ll shock him and watch his chest seize, and his head throw back, exposing his pretty neck, and his hands clenched tightly at his sides. I’ll shock him over and over again, each time with higher and higher voltage, his reaction to the shocks becoming more violent each time. After each attempt I’ll lean over and kiss him, gently apologizing for what I’m doing to him, only to shock him again even harder. Somehow the shame is arousing, knowing I’m breaking him, hurting him, only out of desperation.

I’ll need him to come back, I’ll beg him throughout the compressions, as my hands begin to wander from his sternum, and straying just slightly to the left, directly over his heart, because I need it to beat, I need to pump it directly so it can find the strength to restart.

I want his name to fall off my tongue like a prayer, over and over and over again, until there is nothing left in my mind. I want my actions, and my devotions to be like prayer to him, my attention to every facet of his being, even then, when he is dead under my hands, to be like worship. I want to break him, hurt him, destroy him in my attempts to revive him; burning his skin with each shock, breaking his ribs, bruising his beautiful body.

His heart restart after I’ve shocked him more times than I can count, given him more air than I can even begin to imagine, and broken his chest in a desperate manner. It’ll be weak and slow, I’ll have to guide it with my hands, continuing shallow compressions, so it doesn’t flutter back out of existence, until I grow too tired to keep up any consitancy.

I’ll switch to pacing with the AED, struggling to get it to catch a rhythm at all, turning the dial up more and more, worrying that he’s too far gone, that even though his hearts attempting to beat at the moment, its given up its fight and wants only to fizzle out and be left alone (little does it know I won’t allow that). but once it does, I’ll find pleasure in watching his chest jolt with each small shock of the pacer. I'll turn the volts up, much like I did the defib, and push his heart to be strong. I want to hold his hand as he begins to dig his nails into his palms as he is struck with pain. I can’t even bring myself to give him something for the pain out of fear of risking his heart stopping once more, even though I know it's cruel and most likely selfish to do so. I love him, I can’t lose him, I’ll torture him if it’ll keep him alive, pleasures lulls through my being at the realization.

His breathing remains non-existent, so I’ll have to keep breathing for him, keep giving him these kisses of life, knowing my air is keeping him alive, is keeping his feeble heart beating and his sad little lungs alive. I’ll switch to an ambu bag when I can’t keep his saturation up any longer, and his body has gone a sick grayish palor, far past that blue shade, for me to keep using my recycled air, and when I do, I’ll fill his lungs to the brim each time, and relish in the return of color to his skin. It was selfish to deprive him of real oxygen for so long, but the feeling of knowing I held him in limbo for so long is intoxicating.

I’d spend hours keeping him alive, holding him in my arms, sterile hospital sheets wrapped around his form in an attempt to work some color back into his skin, my lips pressing to every inch of skin I can get to, kissing him ever so gently, willing him with sweet words to stay with me. I’d breathe for him, with the ambu bag until my wrists grew sore, and only then would I indulge my need to fill him with my own air, pressing my lips to his over and over again until his stats dropped, before going back to the bag, taking breaks every time he’d start to gurgle on fluid reaching his airway, to suction fluid from his lungs once more. Maybe he’d code a few times, maybe he’d gasp a few of his own breaths, or maybe he would just lay there, letting me help him, letting me keep him alive with no struggle or resistance.

But eventually he’d flutter into consciousness, looking frantically through his lashes, eyes blown wide and teary, whining as his chest spasms with each jolt of the pacer, and gagging on the airway still sitting in his throat. I’ll insist he keeps it in for me, because I need him to be safe for me, that he still can’t hold his own airway and his heart can’t maintain its own steady beat, and that it's for his own good. I’ll tell him I’m sorry, that everything hurts, that he has to suffer through the pain because I can’t risk his precious little heart.

I’ll watch as he struggle, hands haphazardly trying to pull the pads off his chest or pull out the air way, gently restraining him as the struggle begins throwing off his heart rhythm. I’d bind them to the side of the bed, holding one hand in my own, stroking his cheek with the other. I’d promise him that I was sorry, that he had to leave it, that he needed it, that is was for his own good, that it would all be over soon. I’d kiss away his tears as he struggled to remain conscious, finding trust in his tired puppy dog eyes.

I won’t allow him to breathe on his own, not unassisted, no, I’d sit behind him, leaning him against my chest, his head rested in the crook of my shoulder, aiding each and every breath with the ambu bag, oxygen turned up full flow, making sure his chest fills completely each time. His lungs are still weak and soggy, I still need to suction him every now and then, which is harder now that he’s conscious, but twice as pleasing, cutting off his air so that way he doesn’t continue to choke

treating him seems to be a lot like that, ebb and flow, doing harm in the moment to do good in the future, hurting him to keep him alive, torturing him because I love him, shame turning into pleasure

I’ll watch his eyes roll back as he loses grip on reality, lashes fluttering, alarms blaring, fluid crackling through the suction, something twisting in me in the most divine way. Once I’m finished I make sure to give him deep, almost too full breaths, rubbing his sternum until his eyes snap open, flashing to me in a panicked manner. I’ll kiss him and tell him everything is alright, that I’ve got him, that he’s safe with me, because he is, I’d shift the tides to keep him here with me. He’ll look up at me, still scared, confused even, and in pain, but all I’ll see is trust, trust that I’m protecting him, trust that I wouldn’t be hurting him if I didn’t have to, trust that I love him and thats why I’m doing this.

He’d submit himself to me, letting his eyes fall blankly around the room, his own breathing completely stopped, not because he can’t, but because he knows I’ll do it for him, his body going completely pliant against me so I can shift him and hold him and work him however I need without any problem.

In time his heart will strengthen, part of me is too worried to take him off the pacer, but I do slip him some morphine, and he finally slips into a blissful enough state to sleep. I’ll slip out from behind him, settling him up on the pillows gently, making sure his airway remains stable. I’ll decide to switch him to a breathing bag, so he can breathe on his own, but I’m still able to assist when needed, giving me an opportunity to let my mind stray.

I keep part of my mind locked on his body, the sound of his breathing, the way his chest moves as he inhales, the spasm caused by the pacer, the force it takes him to get air in, the palor of his skin; another on the monitor, what his vitals look like, if any alarms are going off; a third on the bag, watching him inhale, deflating the bag slightly before it refills with air. But the rest is focused on him, his pretty face, the bruises I’ve left all over him, on his chest, his jaw, even his lips are all red and swollen. His ribs are battered beyond belief, there are surely burns under the AED pads from how long they’ve sat on his body, his palms are bloodied from how tightly he’s clenched his hands tight, but something about all that is beautiful, all tragic like. It makes me want to just sit and stare, and to be frank, I do. I sit and I watch, hushing him when the morphine begins to wear off, squeezing the bag when he struggles to breath on his own, holding his hand still bound to the bed all throughout the night, savoring his beauty, almost like he’s now too fragile to touch.

In the morning, I’ll take the airway out and let him breathe on his own, feeling an odd disappointment in my relinquishment of control, almost shoving it back in when he chokes hard, coughing up fluid into his lap, his eyes panicked, but a few blows to the back and a rebreather mask takes the edge off and eventually he settles back into the pillows, where he’ll watch me dazily as I rub his chest, trying to get his breathing to fully settle until he falls back to sleep. His heart rate remains steady so I begin to wean him off the pacer, lowering the voltage bit by bit until I feel sure I can take them off. All the while, he doesn’t say a word, his throat is bruised from my efforts, but he watches me idly, like he wants to say something.

He’s still sick, there's still fluid in his lungs, and his hearts still weak, his output is low and his rhythm is bradycardic, but manageable with atropine, his saturation fluctuates, but upping his oxygen helps that too. He watches me float about his room, doting or while I’m working on him, listening to his heart and lungs with the stethoscope (hissing at his wet lungs once) more pushing meds, suctioning his lungs, cleaning around his ports. He even watches while I’m looking at the machines keeping him alive, listening as I babble to him mindlessly. He smiles, leans back, chest huffing lightly;

“I love you,” I barely hear him, his voice is quiet and broken, he coughs lightly between each syllable, but he says it. He looks at me like I’ve hung the stars (and his morphine), holding out his sickly looking hand, which I take immediately. “You saved me.”

He smiles, his perfect, soft, glowing smile, despite everything else happening to him, lightly squeezing my hand to the best of his ability, his head sinking into the pillow like it takes all his strength just to do so, and in reality, it easily could. But that doesn’t stop him from pulling my hand up to his chest, right over his heart, where it's thumping against his splinted ribs. I go to speak, to assure him that of course I did, but he pushes me with a gentle look.

“I’m here, cause of you, you saved me,” his words are floaty, like he’s not 100% there, but he looks at me, eyes wide, sure of himself, before pulling my hand up to his carotid, letting my fingers find his pulse, weak and slow, but there. “I’m still here, and I’m going to stay here, because I have you. and you won’t let me go.”

He wraps both of his IV ridden hands around my arm, his skin cool against mine, bringing it to his mouth so he could kiss my fingers. It was odd, feeling the boy he had just spent hours resuscitating and stabilizing, be the one to take care of him, even as minisculely as he was now, but touch was far from foreign, and the look in his eye was far too comforting not to lean into.

We would most certainly have to talk, really talk, about everything, but that could wait, right now, all I planned to do, was hold onto my boy, to feel him breathing, to hear his heart rate on the monitor, knowing I got him back, that all of it was worth it, cause he was here, and his still love me, despite the pain and the fear, the selfish choices made out of my own lust. It’d be fine. We’re fine.

[dianaladrislovebot]

random gone headcanons that have popped into my unhinged little brain, part 10

why hello there my friends, we’ve officially reached part ten of the hc’s series ! and almost directly after the 2 year anniversary of the first one too, funny how time works. a bit of a long one for you today as a treat to celebrate the occasion. i also wanted to mention that i love hearing everyone else’s thoughts and idk if yall have noticed but ive included other people’s hcs before so if you have any hcs you’d like to see included pls share them w me !!!!

frederico ran the black market at coates. in my hc (which is very extensive if anyone wants to hear the rest of it 👉🏻👈🏻) he was at coates for being a dealer so i feel him running it makes sense. black market for what ? i don’t know and it doesn’t matter, but freddie runs it.

he’s also the one that came up with the idea to have a black market in the fayz but that one is also attributed to howard, who he co runs it w.

the crux of drakes sadism is less about just simply wanting to cause violence and damage and more about being fascinated w pain and the fear associated w it. he enjoys the idea of pain and enjoys seeing other people (or just any living thing tbh) in pain, and that includes himself. he used to harm himself before the fayz purely bc he liked how it felt. however, he’s only ever felt a certain amount of pain so it’s not until he loses his arm and feels what pain is truly like that he doesn’t like it on himself anymore.

sam’s alcoholism began in the fayz. after the big split and the migration to the lake, orc had stopped drinking and howard, feeling like his purpose was fizzling out, was rescued by sam being bored. the lake being peaceful left him unsatiated and astrid leaving left him unstable, so he took up drinking just to give himself something to do. he accidentally weened himself off it at the end when the barrier went dark, followed by gaia and then the fayz ending, purely bc howard died and he had no access to alcohol anyway. he picked it back up later after the fayz to help him cope.

quinn listens to 80’s music

quinn gets tattoos post fayz. i have no clue what he’d get, but he’d get em. maybe even a piercing or two too

also, a bunch of kids in the fayz gave themselves dodgy stick and pokes, including lana. they get them properly tattooed later to immortalise them but there’s no way there wasn’t at least ONE kid who got a stick and poke in there

lana also went all out in terms of mentally ill and dyed her hair (im thinking maybe red i think she’d suit red) and cut herself bangs. she even considered giving herself a nose piercing but couldn’t find any jewellery to put in it and gave up on the idea.

quinn’s love language is physical touch so he’s incredibly clingy, and sam being his only friend means sam gets all the cuddles he didn’t ask for. quinn’s hanging off his shoulders or his arms or wherever he can reach at any given moment and there is nothing sam can do about it so instead, he must endure it (he’s secretly okay w this)

diana was a winx girly. in those conversations of “were you a barbie girly or a bratz girly” her response would be winx. the series is set in 2008/2009 so she probably would have been 9 or 10 when winx debuted in 2004. she pretends to think it’s childish but continues to watch the show as it comes out long after the fayz.

on this note, her being a winx girly is based off the fact she’s a fairy girly. she had an obsession w fairies as a child and never truly grew out of it. she has a deep affection for fantasy and whimsy and is part of why she romanticises her relationship w caine, and despite her outward attitude being generally off putting, she’s just a magical fairy princess on the inside 🧚‍♀️✨👑

also on this note, drake was a pirate kid and took it incredibly seriously. like was probably a klepto as a kid and had fake swords he took everywhere and threatened people w type of serious. this is based on the one scene of him humming the pirates of the caribbean theme song and also because i think it’s funny

[starcollectorsilas]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[gekowo]

Hello! Ive seen a bit of your other post and you mentioning an attempt. I'm very sorry for whatever you went through, and I'm so so glad it's over. You're such an awesome person to be mutuals with.

But question- sorry because it's really personal. You're free to not answer! I'm not forcing you :)

But did you ever struggle with self harm? Im sorry I'm just curious- and know someone who is. I'd like to just know some ways i can help prevent?

Sorry for wasting your time :']

...gonna be a bit of a doozy, but I'm going to try to answer the questions to my best ability. Thank you for your concern, but now:

One: do NOT be sorry for talking to me, especially if you are a mutual. (I can't guess who but do not be afraid to reveal yourself in my message box: always welcome.) I always love company, and I always listen.

Two: Yes, I still do mostly struggle. It's a poison that digs at you. My poison is very specific to me and me alone...

"Do it. Its just a little scratch... it wouldn't matter to anyone if you got a new scar or three, maybe a bit of bruising... Pass it off as a fall, simple enough. You don't need to care about yourself: your not really hungry. Think of what you did, what you lost. Think of the cat, your dead friend, your dog. Yeah... Hurts, doesn't it? Make a new pain to fill that void, so you won't collapse and finally finish what the old you wanted to do... You didn't deserve to exist because of his desire to perish. Your a fluke, a mistake of another life's end gone wrong, just finish it already.

Its always easy to hear that for me. Always. And sometimes I do listen, I dig and dig until my leg starts bleeding, or I beat my arms against hard objects until they're blue some days. I sometimes avoid rooms to just keep my thoughts away from darker depths.

Three: To fully stop it is very hard, but I haven't done it myself in months. Sometimes you have to avoid areas of the house: anywhere with knifes, medication, places of deep water, and any hard edges... Especially hard floors and corners.

But a good way to get that pain out is with physical labor or just a deep task. It sounds stupid, but when you work out that pain by chopping a log (or eight like I did one day?) you feel better. You got out the need to harm yourself by focusing it on a task, and you feel better deep inside. Its hard to notice at first, but you don't feel... empty inside.

Then you have friends to talk to. Friends who give you hope, distract you from the pain long enough to lose yourself in the good for once, And that is the fuel to healing. Even if it is so small, it's healing.

Its like a slow warmth, a small fire that rekindled some fuel it didn't realize was just at the edges of the flames. A fire which is fueled by the beauty of the world... Maybe not the whole of it, but the small things.

My favorite quote I made myself is this:

"It takes but one."

And my friend, you are one of those.

Thank you for checking on me, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. (Either for yourself or another.)

I love all my friends like honest family, cause Mine didn't really love me the way I did back. You are my found family, and thats enough to wake up tomorrow for <3

I would love to know who you are, if you are one of my mutuals. Always open to just talk.

[definitelynotshouting]

okay hello hi here to shout again because I have ROTATING the hunger lore for DAYS

ECOSYSTEMSSSSS!!! LETS GOOOO!!! did I do well in biology? No!!! I did not :D but ecosystems I know bby!!! MOONS AND STARS ABOVE I love the way it's all connected to like this huge ecosystem and the Watchers being almost gone, the Seekers being completely gone, and rhe Listeners relatively new!! Like?? That's so extremely clever and fascinating to me, and I love the way things are out of balance now bc!!! Yea!!! That's how ecosystems be!!

And also!!! It opens all these new thoughts!!! Like, I can't remember exactly if you said WHY the Watchers decided to take Grian, but if you didn't then like!!!! It opens up these possibilities of the Watchers trying to build back their population, which opens even MORE doors like "are they trying this with other players or was Grian the first/last?" And "would building their population out of Players actually help if Player-Watchers are different?" LIKE IM MEANT TO BE DOING SCHOOLWORK BUT I AM ROTATING

(and also. Love the way Grian became a Watcher. Can't remember if you specified the why (will go back and look) or if you're keeping it secret for now, but!! I love considering the ways populations adapt and survive to great loss and near extinction. It's very different from my own lore (living weapon Grian. Watchers took him to be a soldier bc Watchers and Listeners can't harm each other) so it's so fun to just think about and!!! Yeah!!! That's all I got!!!

Once again :D love your au <3 love your world building and your writing!! Was going to just send the one ask, but I cannot stop rotating your au!!! :D

-Wren

AAAAAA thank you so much!!!! :D im really pleased that everyone likes the ecosystem stuff-- ive been kinda noodling on it for a while because ecosystems are just so neat to me and it made a lot of sense to develop one when i decided Watchers were parasitic in this verse!!!!

I think ive only mentioned this offhand once or twice, but youve absolutely nailed the entire reason the Watchers took Grian-- they're trying to rebuild their population. Grian was essentially the beginning of an experiment to see if this was a suitable way to do that!!!

Actually lemme dive into that real fast, because i dont think i actually have before, at least not publicly. Something to note about Watcher life cycles is that they take comparatively a LONG time. Specifically, Watcher larvae take around a year to incubate within their hosts, and then once they "hatch" (altho "emerge" might be a better word for it) the juveniles take far longer to grow up and teach. And because these things are basically made out of wet tissue paper, theyve got a pretty high mortality rate.

So to get around that, and to try and get around the fact that juveniles often die because they dont know how to feed properly yet and often overextend themselves, why not try and copy the memory code of something fully grown and sentient and just... transfer it to a larva, so its easier to teach?? I feel like it kinda highlights the desperation the Watchers are feeling, that they'd go for this kind of wild experimentation, but it did technically work!!!

They just uh. Didnt account for the insane trauma that would cause, because to them Players are typically just viewed as food sources. Very orange and blue morality, in terms of their value systems compared to Players'.

Grian demonstrated to them that while its possible to rebuild this way on a technical level, its not actually feasible socially speaking. Grian ran from them because of the trauma they inflicted, and that sorta defeats the purpose of Watcherificating a Player so they can add to the community's population 💀💀💀💀 so yeah i'd say Grian is probably both the first and last experiment of his kind, if only because its just not reasonable to continue if your new Watchers are going to escape containment and flee to the ends of the universe every single time you make one /lh

I really love your concept with Watcher!Grian being a weapon, thats INSANELY neat holy shit!!!! Im feeling Things™ about that, i would absolutely love to hear more if you decide you want to tell me!!! It sounds like youve got some really cool symbolism in your lore, and i live for that shit >:]

Skdnwjfnmej anyway theres my own insane ramble to match your deeply flattering compliments, seriously thank you im so astonished people love this stuff so much, it makes me very very happy to know other people are spinning my concepts around in their heads :D feel free to send as many asks as you want!! I always love chatting with people :]