#cause she would be the perfect person
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment
Thank you and this is what I want to get across.
A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.
I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.
He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.
He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.
Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?
Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.
#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation#i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many#signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to#cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart#enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself#but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks#that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio#its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin#that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped#wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea#after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where#we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru#the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi#own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch#also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th#leader and current “hero” of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more#the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa#vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c#couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed#have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats#subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a#a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples#lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
*takes you by the hand as gently as I can*
You can dislike Maya without turning her into a one dimensional villain that serves no purpose to the story.
You can dislike Maya without disparaging the story and message the show is trying to convey.
You can hate Maya without moralizing your hatred. You can just hate her. It’s okay.
#i hear the sunspot#hidamari ga kikoeru#im just so tired of people shitting all over maya because she’s not perfect#she is complex and nuanced and maybe if given more than. oh i don’t know. one episode? we will see the complexity and nuance that is there#we had 7 episodes to learn about how kohei handles losing his hearing and he was offered grace#and i need you all to understand that i also don’t fucking like maya#she is an unlikable character#but thats kind of the point#but everyone’s reaction to her just proves her incorrect point about how people treat others with disabilities#yall can just say she’s unlikable without saying she’s pointless and why is she even friends with kohei anyway#yall can just say she’s unlikable without questioning the entire show#i’m gonna need everyone to take a minute and just think. think about how young she is. think about what she is actively losing#think about WHY she is behaving this way before jumping down her throat because she isn’t the perfect disabled person#and genuinely i want you to sit with my next question for a minute. just sit with it. i don’t need to know your answer#whether its yes or no that is between you and yourself#but i need you guys to think#would you hate maya this much if her gender was swapped?#would you have the same issues with how she’s acting if she were a boy instead of a girl?#again i don’t need to know your answer#but if you think your answer might be no…i want you to examine that#anyway that’s all. be careful how you approach me in talking about this btw. cause i have had it with the treatment of maya#i don’t want to defend characters i don’t like but some of the takes i’ve seen are just plain wild y’all
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.
#annabeth🥺#it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead#it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply#but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad#she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him#sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff#both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways...#but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life#it's really complex and difficult work#and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why#so certain things will never get the best closure#MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO#and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest#like her mother's conditional love#and trauma from her mortal family#and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions#so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter#and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that...#AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months#and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which#should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy#or maybe the best and worst in both of them#and then he can work through some stuff too down there#HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed#bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely)#the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day#annabeth#luke & annabeth#luke#m
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
the chokehold Alicent and Aegon's bond, the level of mommy issues the latter has, and just the raw emotion between the two of them, has on me is wild and I need to be put in some sort of rehab I think.
#its so so so personal#it runs in my veins#I need an intervention#I think about them 24/7#I think about them when it doesn't make sense#they're rotting my brain#but like? can you blame me?#they're perfect and terrible and they love each other more fhan anyone could ever understand but they hate each other#and they crave to hold into one another cause they're all the other truly has. a mother and her child. a son and his mother. but their touch#burns and their presence makes their chests ache. but they coukd not survive with the other gone. they would/have gone mad over it#they so so so flawed but so perfect#he looks just like her she looks just like him#they share the same face#he came from her captor born to her prison#he suffered because of it#he blames her. he's so sorry for existing. he's ok. he fine with it. it wasnt her fault.#she feels like she failed him#its just too good#alicent hightower#aegon targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd#pro team green
51 notes
·
View notes
Note
Whats your idea of a perfect date
Perfect date? In my eyes, it's all about the little things.
I don't have a license and I don't want to have one, but it would start with a good drive while I play passenger princess, enjoying the open road. I don't trust myself behind a wheel, but I love being driven around, I love velocity and long long trips. Sometimes I do enjoy the car drive more than the destination, but welp
Stopping by a pub or a dark, smoky bar with a jazz band playing in the background. Good drinks, good music...or a cafe and share a good cappuccino - each with their own. I dunnot share my caffeine
Followed by a moonlit stroll in a beautiful park by a river, ending with… watching the stars together
Sitting on a rooftop with a view of the city could also be fun, even though I'm afraid of heights
Maybe some more pleasurable activities afterwards, if we feel so inclined
But, alas, I don't exactly believe in perfect dates. Life is too messy and unpredictable for perfectly curated moments.
#asks#anon#lgbtqia#lesbian#all this to say: i've never been on a real date not really#i just write a lot of romance and live through my characters while romancing myself inside my head#why the sudden romantic asks tho#did i receive this around february?#...#no! this was in august!#anyway yeah dated a considerable amout of people but never went on a real romantic cliché date#ngl i think i've been on more romantic-ish “dates” with my best friend than any other person#agh okay i shouldn't have said that imagining my dear girl in a romantic way is making my skin crawl#not that she aitn a gorgeous lil thing but she is _not_ my type and she's like a sister to me </3 and she is os so very straight#it's as one of my friends says: some people are just good for hookups and that's how it is#actually#book shopping date? sounds extremely perfect if you ask me#oof wait can you imagine a cosplay date? now that would scratch an itch i'm sure#ohohohohohohohohohoh date at the theatre? concert date?#gay#very gay#maybe the zoo? i've never been to a proper zoo#actually i think i've written so much romance i became my own ideal date who absolutely egotistical is that#*gasp* good omens date that turns into a good shag because we can't take the tension between the two idiots? hm yes#i would maybe even consider a dancing related date but i don't dance#not in a dignified way anyway#could it be considered a date if you both just bring your laptops and write gay fanfics together? cause that sounds delicious#“trying to write some smut are we? c'mere lemme give ya some inspiration”
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Btw. My 4 is an idiot who thinks she's hot stuff but really she's got mid skills and she tries too hard to be cool. She's overconfident and will make promises she's not always able to keep. Marie is strict on 4 because of that (which has actually helped 4 improve a ton) but secretly Marie has a soft spot for her cause 4 reminds her of Callie when she was young <3
#*** NOT SAYING CALLIE IS AN IDIOT OR WEAK LOL. Just that I imagine them having similarly carefree personalities#splatoon#fun talk tag#been thinking about my 4 because of Side Order and it's actually so perfect to me#in my mind she got lost on the way to Alterna and completely missed meeting up with Captain 3 / Callie / Marie and she just got back...#to Inkopolis only to like enter a coma for a week with her consciousness in the tower and there she's super powerful and able to fight 8#But she wakes up after it's over as weak as ever having gained absolutely nothing lmao. I love my failgirl#4 *gripping Marina*: PUT ME BACK IN THE SIMULATION PLEASE PLEASE PLEA#^ also ties in with how Callie will put back on the hypnoshades cause they're cool lol my 4 would absolutely risk it to get stronger#splat ocs
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Was legit sad they would never logically meet cause they exist in different settings but then I realized i can do what i want, actually!
#wake of the clash#superhero#webcomic#comic art#aurelio the meddler#bandit blue#character art#finishes flatting 2.5 pages of wake: i think i deserve a treat#they would get along so well#they're basically the same person... the only difference is that Aurelio has sidekick vibes which is perfect#I feel like Airstrike has probably never considered having a sidekick cause she's obsessed with her little rivalry with Glass#but i think she'd want one if she met Aurelio aaaha!#she just wants a pal who'd be down for anything really#Aurelio would be like 'your deal's weird... i wanna mess around too!'
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know that yandere mangas have a reputation but once you open you heart to them you will discover a subgenre where the premise says that the ml is violent/obsessive/etc guy that our sensible fl has to suffer through, only to reveal that our fl is also unhinge in a completely different but equally dangerous way
#her: i have to outsmart him in order to make it out of this alive#also her: time to flay a classmate alive because she was rude to me once#this is so embarrassing cause historically i have not liked yanderes but i was go bored with the perfect male leads in my shojos that i jus#wanted one of them to have a fault so I figured i would try one like this and it turns out i do enjoy reading about unhinge men if they#are in a romance with an unhinge woman#the key is that the woman cannot realize she is unhinge. she thinks she is the only sane person around. she is always almost if not more#dangerous than him#AND ITS GREAT#me rambling
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
I like to think in the P.E au that Anya and Curly specifically get haunted hard by Jimmy's weird reality crossing guilt manifested.
It's targeting them because Jimmy's guilt grows more around them. The idea of him acting and playing nice despite what he did. It's like a buffet that allows it to pick from their plates.
Anya sees this stagnant version of her, blood from her mouth, clutching her stomach with a bottle of pills in her other hand. She's talking about not being heard, a pixel, relief from a burden. She tries to ask a question and it's never the right one. She's not understanding but in a way, she's getting that this version of her is in pain. She tries to help, extends a hand and asks how she can help, stop it. She stares and there's utter despair and disappointment in her eyes.
What did you do?
Curly sees this burnt mangled thing. But he can't call it that. Even with no skin and chipping teeth, covered in sullied bandages and smelling of death overdue, he can see his face. He can recognized that eye, he stares at it a lot in the mirror, usually a second one is attached but he digresses. They are just watching, staring and unmoving. He asks himself what happened, how can he help and his own retched mangled voice comes out from a empty maw.
I told you.
They have no idea what it really means. They don't know who to tell. Flashes of a life they don't know or maybe a future they haven't lived yet. Perhaps they treat it as their own minds trying to tell them something. They bare that burden themselves and that alone makes it heavier. Plumper. More appetizing to the guilt causing it.
Tragically that guilt is not their own.
#refining the au and the crew cant see the entity always but pretty much its always felt sort of like a mind over matter debacle#it is like the code scanner sections where only jimmy sees it but it can kinda interact with things to an extent like a force of negative#energy jimmy cant just outright tell them cause theyll just think he's insane but he can't ignore it cause he can't ignore the guilt anymor#anya and curly are its biggest targets as it is relatively easy for him to rectify the issues with Swansea and Daisuke vs the internalized#problems he has with Anya and Curly and its sort of about him no longer becoming that person he was in that future cause its the same#timeline but like divergence he was sent back with something awful and the story is less about forgiveness and more about repenting#hes still weird and an asshole he is being tormented but no one else gets seriously hurt so bittersweet#its like a fix-it but like imagine getting put into a perfect world with all the knowledge of ur fuck ups and now being haunted by the#guilt you will do the same shit again because you already have and having to prove you arent that person but then you also prove you didnt#ever have to be that person so you damn yourself even more like this doesn't end happy for Jimmy like ill tell you that but he'll actually#learn something so yeah thats somethting but everyone is still a little worse after this but can move on happily#the demons are tormenting each other by blaming them for Jimmy's actions invertedly cause while its not her fault anya in the reg timeline#def wondered if she stayed silent if this all wouldve happened even though it really isnt her fault and Curly knew deep down how bad Jimmy#was how bad he was to him and he likely told himself Jimmy would be the end of him and a lot of other but was so beaten down he couldnt go#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#jimmy mouthwashing#pe au#thinking of calling it pestilent equine au? that sound good? we like P.E is just the short funny name for it?
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
If they announce a s4 I genuinely might have to log tf off. I don't even want to see what sort of dumpster fire it would be. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but I don't see much hope for it being good or worthwhile. I'm going to rant in the tags so if you disagree with my opinion thats cool you can just ignore me and continue scrolling :)
#h talks#I've said before yk maybe I'm wrong and there will be one and it'll be amazing but the chances are so so so so slim#what show can you think of thats been rebooted 9-10 years after it ended and been Good and didn't Fuck Everything Up?#cause I can't think of very many#reboots and remakes are the death of creativity and entertainment. some things need to be left alone as they are#like again if it was Perfect that would be great. but theres so much room for disappointment#to me there are very few plot points they could follow that would be Good#theres no point in having a plot about them being tracked down because they Shouldn't be caught. no one wants them in jail#and if they DO get caught? what was the fucking point . like it completely undermines the og ending#I don't see any reason to bring in Clarice. mostly because her character was blended with Will's a fair amount so they'd have to change her-#personality and canon plot a Whole bunch. which isn't bad per say but ... yk again whats the point of having her if she's not Her#so then ok maybe we focus on Will and Hannibal honeymooning together and killing and cannibalizing people and being on the run#Great Wonderful thats probably the best outcome. except.... its already been done so many times in fic that ppls expectations are HIGH#and do you Really expect something like that to air and not cause insane fucking discourse and then get cancelled?#do you WANT to invite an entire new group of even more annoying people into the fandom so we can rehash the same fucking debates about-#queerbaiting and age gaps and ethics? fuck no#ok end rant lol
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
something on my mind rn. as you all know i’m a lesbian. applause from the audience. and sometimes it just gets to be like annoying when. well. so i have at least A friend who’s asked me several times over ‘so you don’t have Any attraction to men? like at all?’ and i know they’re not being like malicious but you know. that answer has not changed since like seventh grade. and in the same vein it just feels aggravating when i have the nerve to say Oh i think she seems like a lesbian. that’s giving dyke. etc. and to be met with ‘umm well maybe she actually does like men.’ like. first of all in personal conversations if i’m just saying shit chances are i’m just going off of patterns from my own life or other lesbians i know. i’m not here for Bi Erasure and i promise you in this context your attraction to men is not ever invalidated as much as my lack of it. esp in college with so many people talking about their dating/app experiences and etc it’s 99.9999% of the time about men and i just Can’t participate in that conversation which is yk not the end of the world but a bit isolating and even if i do contribute anything it just feels like… a slight Stiffening like. and even just getting brushed off with Well yeah but you’re not even into guys. like real! i still have eyes though. and esp when my attraction isn’t being celebrated and engaged with in the way theirs is it’s just really fucking lonely! and maybe that’s a gross inner voice of insecurity that i’m projecting onto them but like you must get what i mean right. there’s still this odd air specifically around people who Do Not engage with men at all. and if i do make any kind of joke or comment abt someone maybe just Not being into guys i’m made into the asshole who’s invalidating their experiences etc when like. i’m just saying shit man idk. and it’s like many of these people are bi and claim attraction to women but get so like uncomfortable actually talking about it. i don’t think i’m the one with problems! i think there’s still some internalized shit there. you know. anyway all this to say as much as we’ve had the conversation of invalidating bi attraction some of you need to think about not treating gay attraction as this secondary awkward weird elephant in the room. and on a more personal note on top of the Everything that was getting under my skin last night this was just a cherry on top where i was feeling soo… misunderstood and invalidated lol even tho again i largely think those friends were being very supportive and kind to me. this is just one thing i was like. 😐
#esp cause the other one literally pulled the. well idk a man would have to be like Perfect but id still hook up with one. yeah it could be#any woman literally but you know men aren’t totally out of the picture if they’re like. Actually the most attractive man ever and then#i could just pretend it’s not a man#… and you want me to act like that’s not a dyke thing to say. like ok#i didn’t say that to her face btw she can figure that out herself. but you get what i’m working with#it’s so frustrating and truly. once again. just isolating. cause as long as people claim they’re into men it’s like they have this in for#so much bonding that i will never access cause i don’t give a fuck about men. so it’s like yeah i get defensive#esp speaking about a situation in which someone behaved so egregiously homoerotically with me and displayed many signs of um. being gay#and then could just run off with her bf she didn’t even seem to be that attracted to. u can see where#as MUCH as it’s not my goddamn business. when i’m dragged into that it would absolutely get under my skin and of course i’d say some stupid#shit about her needing to accept lesbianism into her heart. lol#because unfortch. yeah. That still came up as part of this. as much as i’d like to just forget it and move on#she just somehow fucking comes up and now it’s not even me obsessively talking abt it. it’s like that situation just cannot leave me alone#for my peace of mind. it’s been months. and that’s also sad and fucked for me cause it’s like#as horrible as that was for my like self esteem and peace of mind. it’s the fucking Only thing i had going for me in a long ass time#and since it just worked so well i latched onto it yk. and i have to trust as i get more confident and move on in the world#i’ll attract better people and whatnot#but it’s like personally extremely lonely and then just feels like an added stupid layer when. it just feels so invalidated in a way. idk#like no i did not have a relationship that i can technically mourn i just had a weird connection with someone who wouldn’t admit even the#slightest attraction even if it was glaringly obvious. it just preys on this stupid fucking loneliness i feel too. and i KNOW i don’t need#to constantly validate that and whatever and none of my friends actually think i’m delusional#it’s just that. i need to get a grip and not cling to it. like just accept it for what it is and go on. and when it’s brought up at random#when i’m already in a stupid sensitive spot it’s hard. u know. and then also w these friends they’re not used to hyperbole so when i say#shit like well i hope they die. they’re like Omg! 🙀 and i’m like oh my god i don’t mean that literally like. hello#this whole thing was not about film girl but of course she made a silly little guest appearance. in conversation#which is just embarrassing for me. you know.#pisses me off that she can move on and probably act like nothing even happened meanwhile i was over here sobbing like i’d been through#a heartbreak. and i’m remembered as like obsessive silly goofy crazy for it. and i was. but damn i’ve taken accountability for it 😭#abby talks#long post
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mom's birthday today. I made her this little cat crochet pouch 🥰
#personal#it's not perfect and the og patterns do not use a zipper but i thought it would be more useful for her like this#pattern from meemanan video on yt#but i adapted and also added the fabric on the inside#I've been having fun making this#i made a pig version to give to my platonic girl crush cause she loves pigs 🫶
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gonna leave my CV to my maybe futur job later today
#I’m excited but also terrified BFKSBDJ#they hired someone already but they don’t think they are gonna stay for long so they are going to put me at the top of the list#and it’s the same place my mom applied and they say they would make an exception for me cause they really want my mom to work there <3#working with my mom is going to be fun unless she’s having a bad day then it would be hell 😳#but like it’s the perfect place for me 😭#I’m mad my dad didn’t think of me first but also my mom really need a new job but my mom litterally can go anywhere bfksbd#but hey it’s just for now honestly it’s 25h so like more than double my last job and I had enough to pay for my phone and Sowon’s things#so I will have extra money to buy things that make me happy and plan my futur#cause I also don’t know what to do with my life yet bfksbd#If it works I won’t have to call and cancel#my meeting with my social worker 😭#cause we agree we would put it at another time if I haven’t found a job or if my quiz results weren’t ready which is the only thing#we would talk about so if I didn’t work on finding a job we would only have the test and for now the test is not even done 😭#the medical clinic called yesterday but haven’t call again or called on our personal phone so idk if it was for this#can’t wait to know what’s probably ‘’wrong’’ with me bfkdbdjdj#alex.txt
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have a secret and the secret is that while I am all "oh we're totally kicking Zariel's ass" and such, in all actuality the main headcanon I had about Vice refusing to let go of Karlach is much more unhinged than the canon options. And likely also traumatizing for them both.
(Fellas is it messed up to cling to someone that much that you'd rather kill them yourself first by ripping the thing that's killing them out of their chest with your bare hands permanently scarring yourself in the process - but the thing is also their heart so they die painfully anyway but by your hand
And it's all in hopes that your cleric friend will be able to use your wizard friend's magic scroll and fully restore their now-not-completely-exploded-only-slightly-mutilated-dead-body through resurrection.
Yes consent was given, albeit you didn't explain it very well and therefore it was dubious, no you're not entirely confident your cleric friend will pull it off, it's a desperate gamble and you didn't think the moment will come this soon.
Yes it's a very curious memory to have together afterward. Yes it's very interesting that she's now fully restored up to her ex-broken horn while you're now the one covered in severe burns and scars from narrowly avoiding explosion. But fellas is it messed up though if it's out of love?)
EDIT: (Actually after consideration of the spell I think the old scars are too long-healed to count as 'damaged limbs' anymore. As someone who hates that one smooth mod I think the scars stay.
Instead they are matching, burned hands and a chipped horn and all.)
#tav posting#where's that one post I need to find it#I'm thinking I might just go to that headcanon 'cause there's something delicious about it#it's... a very good actualization of just how far Vice is willing to go with her fear of losing another person she loves#for the context this all would go down ON that pier#AS the engine is burning hotter than the damn hells#Vice has been dragging the fire-immune Helldusk armor on herself despite it being rage impeding not for naught#although she still ends up taking the gloves off 'cause tiefling claws are perfect for spontaneous desperate operations#I wonder exactly how concerning all that I've just written here is#no but tell me that screaming in pain in perfect chorus 'cause one's burning deadly heart is being broken out through their chest#and the other's hands and arms are scorching up alive yet they refuse to let go#is not romantic#I'VE BEEN SITTING ON THIS EVER SINCE I LEARNED THE SPOILERS IT HAD TO COME OUT EVENTUALLY
4 notes
·
View notes