#cause she believes she isn't a good person/doesn't want to be/is okay with it

[imogenkol]

Pairing: Imogen Kol (oc) x Bix Caleen Word Count: 3,535 Rating: Mature Warnings: loss of limb, mentions of torture, trauma Tags: more traumatic backstory, angst, hurt/comfort, trying and failing to repress feelings Read it on Ao3! / Previous Chapter

Summary: In the days of recovery on Gangi Moon, Imogen is faced with her own repressed truths.

Imogen’s sharp scream cut a tense silence throughout the chamber as it echoed off the walls, and she collapsed onto the floor. The Inquisitor clutched at the freshly cauterized stump of her left leg. The strike had been swift and precise – right above the knee. Half of her leg gone, just like that. She could hardly believe it. 

With the scent of her own burning flesh acrid in her lungs, agony scorched throughout her nerves. She fought to conceal it as much as she could. Weakness would not bode well with her peers. They studied her closely now, searching for the slightest crack in her facade.

The hum of Vader’s lightsaber accompanied by his mechanical breaths became the only sounds in the training room. The blade’s aura reflected off of the mirrored black floor and bathed her in a crimson light. Imogen felt the Dark Lord’s presence silently loom over her, waiting for a reaction. 

After a few shaky breaths, Imogen forced her gaze up to meet her Master’s. Her glare bore into the black lenses of his helmet so intensely that she could almost picture the eyes that hid behind them. Or maybe they just reflected her own storming irises. The longer she held his unreadable stare, the more white-hot rage boiled up from the source of her pain, filling every vein – every remaining limb and outward until the chamber physically shook. Imogen herself remained frighteningly still. 

“Good,” Vader said, sensing her hatred. 

His praise only made her angrier. “I have already killed one of my masters,” she growled through clenched teeth. “I would not push too far, my lord.” 

The entire chamber seemed to hold its breath, but Vader barely reacted to the threat. “Then take your blade and attempt to strike me down. Waste all of your fury on a foolish vendetta.” 

Imogen nearly reached for her lightsaber. One day, I just might, she thought to herself. 

Vader clutched the hilt of his saber a little tighter. The bright red blade hummed deeper for just a second as if it craved to take another limb. Perhaps Imogen’s head this time. “What you have will be taken from you if you are not willing to sacrifice it. I have given you a valuable tool, Inquisitor. Use it against your true enemies and you will grow more powerful than before.”

The chances of surviving an attack against Vader when she had both of her legs were slim to none. Being incapacitated and surrounded by other Inquisitors that wouldn’t hesitate to swarm her if she made a move against their master practically guaranteed failure. No matter. Imogen was no stranger to biding her time and waiting for the right opportunity. Besides, he was right. With the right amount of discipline, she could use the familiar resentment brewing inside to make herself strong enough to win any fight.

Imogen finally tore her vengeful scowl off of the Sith Lord and bowed her head. “Yes, Lord Vader.”

—

Imogen sat in the cockpit and absentmindedly massaged her leg where flesh met machine. It ached every now and then. For years she convinced herself to welcome the pain, yet still continued the practice of willing it away with a gentle hand in private. If no one saw her weakness, she could turn a blind eye to it, too, could she not?

Imogen wasn’t exactly alone now.

Bix had yet to find any sleep, but she continued to rest on the cot. Frequent checks throughout their flight path did little to assure Imogen of the mechanic’s recovery. Without the excitement of battle, whatever life Bix had gotten back only seemed to weigh heavier in the quiet of the ship. She would grow so overcome with bouts of shivers that even the coat Cassian had given her did not provide enough warmth. A whispered voice sometimes traveled through the halls of the Huntress as well, so small and haunting that Imogen could not make out a single word. They would silence as soon as she got too close, but she knew Bix muttered to herself. 

The longer their trip through hyperspace, the more the bounty hunter feared her mechanic was beyond repair. Once Imogen reunited Bix with her people, she could consider her obligation fulfilled and be on her way. It should not be her responsibility. She knew better. Yet, Imogen did not entertain the idea for more than a very brief moment. She felt as resolved as she did in that tunnel beneath the hotel.

Imogen reluctantly admitted to herself that she was resigned to stay, whatever that may look like. 

They arrived safely at their destination on Gangi Moon. Cassian must have named this particular system for its vacancy, but Imogen remained vigilant as she flew low in search of a proper place to land. Whether Cassian or any other refugees from Ferrix would arrive, it was too early to tell. The best Imogen could do was tuck the Huntress away in the safest area possible and activate her scanners for any ships that entered their range. 

It could be hours or even days of waiting, so Imogen decided to check on their supplies and run diagnostics to pass some time. As she walked about the ship, she would take note of Bix and her condition. Nothing much changed. The bounty hunter was far too out of her element. She only understood how to deal damage, not mend it. Imogen lingered by the cot, unsure of what to say or do.

For the first time in her life, Imogen felt useless and she hated herself for it. Not as much as she hated herself for her involvement in this mess. As she turned to leave, a clear voice broke the heavy silence. 

“Have you ever tortured someone?” Bix asked, her expression still mostly vacant. 

Imogen went still. This line of questioning would lead to nowhere good, but she answered honestly anyway. “Yes.” 

The revelation didn’t seem to surprise her. Why should it? Horror stories of the Inquisitors terrorizing the galaxy spread far and wide, especially during Imogen’s service to the Empire. “How did you do it?” 

Imogen balked further. “Is this really a conversation you wish to have, Bix?”

“Tell me,” she commanded with a weary tone.

After a long sigh, she said “I would force my way into their minds to extract the information I sought.” 

“And?”

It’s not that Imogen felt ashamed of her past. Rather, she felt shame for the absence of it. That never bothered her before the mechanic found a way into her heart. Imogen worried how Bix might look at her differently. She has known who Imogen used to be for a long time. It is not difficult to surmise the depth of evil that she has enacted. Despite being some ten years removed from the Empire, Imogen still carried the same darkness – the darkness that has been with her since she was a child. The darkness is her. Nothing and no one could change that.

“The process is invasive and excruciating enough that the subject would often confess just to get me to stop.” 

“How did it make you feel?”

“I never thought about that, it had simply been a part of my job.”

The mechanic finally locked eyes with the former Inquisitor. Her hollow, broken gaze mirrored many of Imogen’s victims after she had her way with them. A sudden and visceral reaction crawled up Imogen’s throat like sickness. Her fists clenched and she swallowed hard to push it down, shifting her weight onto her enhanced leg to avoid losing balance.

“How did it make you feel?” Bix calmly repeated. 

Imogen noticed her chest heave as she stared down at the floor. “Powerful.” Though the feeling twisting herself inside her now was anything but. 

“Thank you,” Bix said after a brief silence. Imogen’s brow creased and she glanced back up in confusion. “For being honest with me.”

She found honesty to be synonymous with painful truths, yet offered gratitude for receiving their knowledge. Bix had no judgment in her eyes. She did not glare at Imogen in hatred the way so many others have done in the past. Imogen found it strange, but once she contemplated it, she realized she should not have expected anything less. This was simply another form of Bix’s unshakeable boldness. 

Imogen recalled the first time the mechanic noticed her lightsaber. 

“It’s not what you think,” she said as Bix eyed the hilt on her belt.

The mechanic took it as a game at first. “Oh? And what do I think it is?”

“You have heard of the Empire’s Inquisitors?”

“Everyone has at this point.”

Imogen almost didn’t tell her. But at that time, she thought there were many other women in the galaxy to replace what she might lose for speaking the truth. How foolish to believe anyone else could compare to the pull she felt towards Bix. “Years ago, I went by the name of Fourth Sister. It has been even longer since I was called Jedi.”

Bix kissed her that day, despite the revelation of what she used to be. Her hands had unfastened her clothes and her lips dragged hungrily across her bare skin just as they had before she knew. Imogen missed her touch more desperately each passing moment, but she would have lost it anyway if she had not given it up. More importantly, she did not deserve to have it in the first place. 

Just then the ship’s sensors alerted. Imogen pulled herself out of her own mind and said “That might be Cassian.”

As she made for the cockpit, Bix’s hand shot out and caught her wrist. Imogen’s gaze zeroed in on their contact, her entire body stiffening once more. “Is this… Are you going to disappear again?”

She felt that familiar, recurring ache. “If you wish it.”

Bix shook her head. “I never have.”

All of the times she visited Ferrix, she never considered any of her exits to be a vanishing act. The way Bix spoke made it seem like Imogen had abandoned her often. How long had she quietly yearned for something more?

Imogen bit the inside of her cheek, hoping that the pain would overshadow what threatened to consume her. Though, it felt far too late for that. “Very well.”

The ship that crossed their range carried a small group of survivors from Ferrix. Cassian remained missing, but Imogen had a feeling that he must be alive out there somewhere. Or maybe she found Bix’s insistence on that assumption to be infectious. Either way, she reunited her mechanic with people that cared for her and that was good enough. 

While Imogen had every intention to stay, she kept her distance from the group. They built a fire at night and rested under a thick blanket of stars. Imogen lingered at the edge of camp and quietly observed them. The boy sat solemnly, occasionally wiping away a stray tear until the box shaped droid said something to him that brought the hint of a smile to his face. Brasso tended to the fire and made sure they all had enough to eat. In a way, they reminded her of the Mantis crew – a strange collection of people that formed a tight knit sense of community. It was a dynamic she witnessed many times throughout her life and one she always struggled to understand. 

Imogen’s gaze drifted back to her mechanic. The older woman, Jezzi, covered Bix in a blanket and held an arm around her as she started to drift off while staring into the flames. It may be the first time she will be able to get a proper rest. Imogen released some of the tension in her shoulders.

Her muscles tightened back up almost immediately when she noticed Brasso approach. 

The broad-shouldered scrapper held a bowl in his hand which he offered with an flat smile. “I wanted to say thank you for what you did.”

Imogen kept her arms crossed and looked away. “I have no use nor desire for your gratitude.” 

“What about for dinner?” He motioned for her to accept whatever steamed in the bowl. 

She could have survived well off of ration packs, but the savory scent of broth made her mouth water. After a long moment of hesitation, she reached out and took it. The wooden bowl’s warm sides were just cool enough to handle and she raised the edge of it to her lips, taking a small sip. The bountiful flavor flowed over her taste buds and settled comfortably in her stomach. Perhaps it would do her well to consider a little more variety in her rations.  

“Are you staying with us?” Brasso asked. 

“I am staying with her,” Imogen replied.  

“Right, well…” He followed her line of sight to where Bix had finally lost her battle against sleep. “I think that will be good.” 

She scowled, suspicious that anyone apart from Bix appreciated her presence. “Good?”

Brasso half-shrugged. “I was wrong about you.”

Imogen imagined that he has made many judgements towards her just as much as anyone else. It mattered little to her, since most were bound to be true. “You weren’t wrong about me.”

He shook his head and gave her a small, knowing smile that she did not like in the slightest. “I think many people are.”

Brasso stepped away and returned to the fire. Imogen watched them for a while longer, feeling rather perturbed by the scrapper’s last comment. She didn’t understand why she dwelled on it or why she cared enough to try and decipher his intentions. The bounty hunter could not care less about his impression of her, good or bad. Or so she thought. It gradually dawned on Imogen that an opinion other than Bix’s had suddenly held meaning for her. 

To seek out praise or high opinion was childish and led nowhere but a dead-end path. Imogen did not harbor such foolish insecurities, she was far better than that. So she shoved that naive sentiment down, set the bowl of broth aside, and trudged back to the Huntress alone for the night.

From then on, Imogen did her utmost to avoid them. She did not accept their food or warm herself by their fire and only communicated when she had to. No matter how hard she tried, though, she could not stray too far from Bix. Imogen always kept the mechanic within her sight. The desire to see her condition improve motivated Imogen to participate in her care. She encouraged Bix to eat and sometimes watched over her as she slept. What she enjoyed most were the walks she convinced Bix to take with her. 

A riverbank ran not too far from their makeshift camp. The morning shone brightly and the breeze blew crisp. It felt rejuvenating to have no one besides the company of the woman at her side and the gentle flow of water in her ears. 

They stopped by the edge for a few minutes. Imogen watched as Bix closed her eyes and tilted her head up towards the sun of Gangi Moon. Ferrix had been an overcast planet more often than not and its citizens became well adapted to the cold mist. Imogen assumed it must be nice to feel the warmth of a completely different star. Bix’s skin absorbed the golden rays, banishing the ashen tone from her time in captivity and returning to her normal tawny complexion. It brought Imogen a rare feeling of joy to see her look so peaceful after what she endured.

As if sensing Imogen’s stare, Bix cracked one eye open and gave the bounty hunter a side-long glance. “Wow,” she mused before closing it again. “You’re smiling.” 

Imogen hadn’t noticed the slip. With the mechanic’s averted gaze, she allowed the expression to linger. “It’s not as if you’ve never seen me smile before.” 

“I haven’t. Not like that,” Bix replied, her body swaying with the calm wind.

Imogen delayed her response to observe the other woman for as long as she could. “You’re mistaken.”

At that, Bix turned to fully look at her. She studied Imogen’s features without the slightest hint of shame until a gentle upturn tugged at the corner of her own mouth. “You have a beautiful smile.”

A muscle that Imogen didn’t even know she had twisted inside of her chest. She couldn’t bring herself to look away or utter a word. All she managed was to drink in the sunlight pouring honey into the mechanic’s rich eyes.

“Everything looks more beautiful to me now,” Bix continued, staring off over the water. “I took so many things for granted.” 

“Are you saying I am one of them?” Imogen asked incredulously. 

After a prolonged beat, Bix spoke thoughtfully. “The moment I realized what Timm had done, I felt like the biggest fool. I mourned him, I really did, but I was also so angry with myself because I should have known better. It’s something I would have expected you to do.” She chuckled softly and shook her head. “And yet… if you had asked me to be with you that day you left, I would have said yes.”

The bounty hunter nodded earnestly. “That is why I walked away.”

Bix’s smile turned as warm as the sun. “That’s why I shouldn’t have let you.” 

Imogen glanced down, grin still stuck on her lips. She didn’t expect Bix’s words to change things between them, but they were still good to hear. “In your defense, I have made far worse betrayals than Timm. Your judgment isn’t at fault, he was.” 

“I guess I better get used to people surprising me,” Bix said. 

“The trick is to lower your expectations.”

“Ironically, you’ve raised them.”

Imogen scoffed and folded her arms. “I find that hard to believe.”

“You cut Paak down.”

The bounty hunter clenched her jaw. She had forgotten all about Paak. How Bix could have possibly known Imogen cut his body down after the Imperials hanged him on Rix Road was a mystery. Their escape had been far too chaotic and she doubted the mechanic would have been able to spot his body, much less assume Imogen to be the one who had moved it. Regardless, Imogen felt sheepish at the accusation. 

“Brasso told me,” Bix explained. “He said some people saw you before dawn.”

“I did not wish for you to see him in such a state,” she admitted quietly. 

“Whatever your reason, that meant a lot. Not just to me.” 

The scrapper’s strange sentiment from the other night suddenly made more sense. Imogen weakly shook her head. “It was a waste of time.”

Bix reached out and gently untangled her arms to take one of Imogen’s hands in hers. It was the first real touch they shared since they arrived on the moon. Imogen felt Bix’s thumb caress her knuckles and her pulse skyrocketed as oxygen stuttered in and out of her lungs. “I don’t believe you really think that.”

Imogen’s body seemed locked in place like she had been made of stone. But then her joints loosened one by one and her boot slid over the damp soil as she took a step closer. She knew it hadn’t been a waste of time, not when she received the look she got now. With a numb hand, she slowly reached up and brushed the tip of her thumb across the mechanic’s cheek. The touch so brief and feather-light that Bix might have mistaken it for the breeze if she hadn’t seen it coming. 

“I did it because I care about you,” Imogen finally said out loud. She cared so much she thought her chest might burst.

Bix squeezed her hand as tight as a tether. “I know you do.”

“Then why does it matter so much for you to hear me say it?” she asked desperately, fear and anger coiling around her throat like twin serpents. 

“Because I know how hard it is for you to be open.”

The serpents tightened like an invisible noose. What was she meant to do with this? Imogen could not have her, yet she did not possess the strength to let her go either. The one defense that has kept the bounty hunter alive for years and years crumbled down to rubble. Imogen no longer wished to be alone and she wondered if it had been that way all along, buried so deeply that she never noticed it before. Somehow, she felt more lost than ever at that moment. But her hand still rested in the gentle grip of her mechanic and she focused on the warmth of her skin to ground herself. 

“And it’s… really good to hear it, too,” Bix added softly. 

“Bix, I –”

“Bix!” An excited voice called close by. They both glanced over to see Wilmon rush over as he pointed at the sky. A lone ship in the distance traveled towards them at a low altitude. Imogen tensed, but the boy quickly explained. “It’s Cassian!” 

Much remained unsaid. The conclusion Imogen came to as Bix smiled at her and led her back to camp was that she was completely and utterly damned. They both were. 

[laser-tripwires]

i am occasionally reminded that parker knows how to shoot/handle a gun competently in redemption s1e3 and it's like, eliot, mr. "i dont like guns", why are you teaching people this.

(i am aware parker has a handgun in s1e1 but i dont think the skills are transferable to shotguns and its never really established if she can actually hit anything and also i doubt archie would train her in it bc its not a gentleman thief skill and by the same logic i doubt parker would teach herself bc its not particularly thief-y)

anon, this ask was like an early christmas present for me. i love when people are "wrong" in interesting ways, or if not wrong then... take a different view to what i do. so, parker and guns. i can't believe i've never made a post about this.

(heads up, i've stolen vast swathes of this post from conversations i've had with both @ghostlyarchaeologist and @aardvaark. words are all mine but ideas are mutually borne, so thank you both for being sounding boards at various points in the past. everyone go follow heather and adrian cos they're better at this than i am.)

right, let's talk about the pilot, becuase parker can absolutely hit things with that. both eliot and nate know immediately that hardison isn't a real danger, but the second nate hears the safety beng turned off there he whirls around and matches her threat; that's what you do when you know someone's not making pointless bluffs.

also, boiling this back to it's utter basics, what's the main skillset you use in order to handle a pistol competently? hand-eye coordination. which is something we know for sure parker has in spades; she's a master pickpocket and she learns fast.

we need to remember, also, that parker's initial sense of morality is completely fucked. or... not morality, exactly, but sense of what does and doesn't count as wrong, what does or doesn't count as harm? because there's that scene in homecoming, right, where everyone's protesting the concept of eliot having to do the thing they hired him for, and parker weighs in with "i never hurt anyone." except... like, the FIRST thing we know about parker is that she blew up a house as a child. it's canonical that the parents survived, but parker also spent six months in juvie and has broken out of prison multiple times and lived on the street for god knows how long and stork job shows she can fight pretty well pre-leverage, too. i'll come back to all this in a minute.

her being a crack shot with a gun is... not really incongrous with who she was pre-leverage. archie describes her when he found her as "a danger to herself and to others" and like YEAH no i buy that. i buy that completely.

next up, what about things that aren't pistols? well.

that's a fucking sniper rifle.

that's a fucking sniper rifle.

that is, and i cannot stress this enough, a fucking sniper rifle.

so yeah, i'd say that those skills are transferrable. she can take out an armed gunman and tie him up with duct tape, without causing a scuffle, and re-aim the gun. with enough consistency that nate knows for sure she'll manage it in less than three seconds. sure, we can chalk some of that up to parker at this point having had four seasons of eliot here's-how-you-take-out-thugs-with-guns fight training, but... i think at this point it's pretty fair to say that (regardless of the provinance of her skills) parker's kinda a good shot, actually.

okay, let's revisit that point about morality, because there are kinda a bunch of really important touchstones here.

so, john rogers once said that "parker is the second most dangerous person on the team, and eliot would argue first most dangerous." she's the team member with the least qualms about hurting people, always, and that's a detail that tends to get brushed over.

she would have killed tara here. she makes that extremely clear. i can't listen to that "Bye, now." and not get shivers.

talking of shivers.... "I want to do the right thing."

because, look, parker's not eliot. she's not thawing ice all the way through, and yet we're shown again and again that, despite that, "She has the nuclear winter inside her." there will always be a part of her who's first instinct is to jump, to hide, to run, to kill, to not care because caring hurts. but there's also a part of her that is softer than any of the team, that is a child who'll never grow up and yet grew up too fast. she grew up beaten, bruised, neglected and starved yet she's something wonderful - but she knows she's broken, she knows they all call her crazy, and it hurts. she wants to do the right thing, make the right choice, but she hates that it'll never be her first instinct. and the thing is? that's okay. she went through hell and back and turned out someone strange and weird and at times unkind, but... the team like how she turned out. hardison likes how she turned out. and that's worth the world - she just needs to remember it and believe it and use HER skills instead of trying to be something she's not. that is what parker and eliot's conversation in the ice cave is about, if you strip it back to it's bare essentials. parker doesn't want to be normal, she just wants to be normal enough for her friends.

has parker ever killed someone? i don't know. i don't know if she even thinks like that, in such clear terms - as i already talked about, parker's definition of 'hurt' is not the same as anyone else's.

so let's talk about broken wing job for a second, because absolutely everyone overlooks the reason why parker does the job in the first place - "You brought a gun? To my bar?"

because. yeah.

"Those guys are gonna rob this store, right? Which is fine. I don’t mind robbers who aren’t robbing me, or my friends, or kids or… But they brought a gun to the party, and that changes all the rules."

this is season five. she investigates the theives because she's bored - but she only decides to stop them because they brought a gun. that's the kind of very specific morality you only get after being the good guy for a very long time, and i do think that hanging around eliot probably helped affect that a bit.

actually, fuck it, look at what else she says about this whole thing in the broken wing job.

"No cops. No cops. That will actually increase the chances of people getting hurt. [...] Seeing a uniform in the middle of stealing something could cause you to panic, make bad decisions..."

"These guys aren’t that good, which is actually another reason why we should do this, ‘cause sooner or later, they’re gonna make a mistake. Someone’s gonna get hurt."

so. yeah. on the one hand, this is weapons safety 101, for someone in parker's position. "[The Leverage crew] don't use guns because - when guns come out, people die. This attitude very much comes out from traditional American crime literature, and also from talking to our professional criminal friends. Guns are messy, when they show up things escalate, you take a longer, harder fall when doing a crime with a gun - professional criminals are pathologically averse to carrying weapons." i'm quoting john rogers here, because i can, but you'll hear similar in any training manual, and it's especially relevant to parker's actions both here and elsewhere in the show.

on the other hand, mix up all those statements and it definitely implies parker has fucked up badly in the past. again, i don't know if she's ever killed someone. but.

well, for funsies, let's look at the rest of JR's above statement about gun safety (i'm quoting from his blog on the gone fishin' job, in case you wanted to find the source): "You do not point a gun at anything or anyone you are not willing to kill. [...] I had that drilled into my head at an early age. A gun has two settings - holstered and murderous. 'Wounded' is an accidental condition. Eliot in particular is aware of this, and one of the many reasons he does not use a gun is because he is trying to, well, not kill people anymore. Hardison is magnificently awful with weaponry. Although Parker is probably a fine shot, she's trying to play nice by the new rules, and only brought a weapon to the meet in the pilot because she wanted to get paid."

and all that is, more than anything else, the core and crux of everything i'm saying here. factor in how broken parker is, how we know she's made mistakes in the past, throw in archie's "a danger - to herself and to others" line, think about the tara rooftop incident... there's a picture emerging here. it's not a nice one, but it's unpleasantly clear.

so. where does that leave us?

well, it at least leaves me extremely certain for a vast number of reasons that eliot didn't need to teach parker how to shoot a rigged game.

[unclewaynemunson]

“I need to tell you something.”

Shitfuckno. Eddie doesn't even know why he's still surprised. This is how it always goes, after all. He should probably just give up and stop dating altogether – again.

Steve looks at him exactly as ominously as the words I need to tell you something require. Perfect Steve. Funny Steve. Sweet Steve. Sexy Steve. Steve, who Eddie had genuinely believed to be different.

Eddie sighs, barely suppressing a dark chuckle while he turns away from that perfect face. He doesn't want to look at Steve when he'll tell him the undoubtedly messed-up shit he's about to spill.

“Lemme guess, you're married?” That was what the last guy he dated told him, seven months after they got to know each other. It can't be much worse than that, can it?

Steve grabs Eddie's hand, causing him to involuntarily jerk up his head and meet his eyes.

“How did you know?”

Jesus H. Christ. Not again.

Eddie roughly pulls his hand out of Steve's grip and laughs a joyless laugh.

“Apparently I'm a good guesser.”

He stands up from the park bench the two of them had been sharing. “Well, Steve, this has been a blast. You should go back to your wife, or husband – don't tell me, I don't even wanna know – and I should um, get going. Maybe tell the next person right away what they'll be getting themselves into. Would save them a lot of wasted time, just in case cheating and going around other people's backs isn't really their thing, y'know.”

“Eddie, wait, let me explain!”

Eddie picks up his pace, but Steve, stubborn as he is, easily keeps up with him.

“I'm really not interested, man.”

“It's not – I'm not cheating on her!”

“Okay, so you have an open marriage, good for you. Still the kind of information you could've shared with me, say, three months ago, don't you think?”

“She's a lesbian.”

And that makes Eddie freeze on the spot. It takes Steve two steps before he realizes Eddie has stopped moving; he walks backwards until he's standing right in front of Eddie.

“She's my best friend,” he says, immediately using Eddie's stunned silence to his advantage. “Robin, my roommate – I told you all about her. We wanted to buy a house together and that turned out to be very complicated when you're not... Well, when you're not romantically involved. So we got married. For the, um, practical reasons. We never – we're like siblings. I love her like a sister. But she's also my wife. Platonically.”

It takes a few seconds until Steve's words sink in. Then, Eddie leaps forward and basically collapses into Steve's arms, needing to hold onto him to prevent himself from crashing to the ground.

Steve's arms are warm, strong, and as safe as ever.

“Eddie, are you okay?” Steve asks softly. His lips brush against Eddie's ear while he speaks, and worry colors his voice.

Perfect Steve. Too-good-to-be-true Steve.

“Jesus Christ, Steve,” is the only thing Eddie manages to say.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” Steve says. “It's just – I've gotten some, um... Less than ideal reactions, in the past, whenever I told this when I was seeing someone. So I thought it'd be better to wait until things were getting serious.” He sighs, tangling his fingers in Eddie's hair. “I didn't wanna scare you off. Are we – are you okay?”

Eddie nods. He lifts his head from where it's resting against Steve's shoulder and raises his hands to squeeze them around Steve's face.

“We're okay,” he says. “And I'm sorry I didn't want to listen to you. I–” He stops; he can't find the words right away. It's still difficult to talk about those things; to let himself be vulnerable. But Steve has been honest with him, so it's only fair to return the favor.

“I've been hurt, Steve,” he confesses. “More than once. I've had some really shitty experiences with dudes not being honest with me. I thought that that was what was happening again, and I couldn't – I couldn't go through that again. Especially not with you.”

“Jesus, Eddie, I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay,” Eddie rushes to say, pulling Steve even closer towards him. “I trust you.” And as soon as these words leave his mouth, he knows it's the truth.

“I do want to be absolutely clear about one thing, though,” Steve says.

Eddie leans back in Steve's arms to give him an expectant look.

“Robin is my wife. I'm not planning on that to change anytime soon. We've been through a lot together. She's been the most important person in my life for years. We own a house and a dog together, and I love her more than anything. I like you a lot, and I promise you I'm all-in with you, but... Robin is still my number one. And that's not gonna change overnight. I need you to be okay with that.”

Eddie swallows. He looks into Steve's eyes. All he sees is a man who is honest, who loves his friends deeply, and who refuses to make any compromises when it comes to love – whether it be the platonic or the romantic kind.

It doesn't scare Eddie off; it only makes him fonder of Steve.

He smiles, glances around to check if they're alone, and presses a quick kiss against Steve's lips.

“I think I can live with that,” he says. “As long as I'm the only one who gets to do this.” He closes his eyes and lets his lips meet Steve's again.

The sigh that Steve breathes into their tentative kiss is one filled with relief.

[neverfilth]

"Bloberta made Clay drink so-"

OKAY, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY?

Let me explain

'Help'.

A very important word when describing Bloberta.

First, it is integral to understand that Bloberta feels torturously alone and unwanted. Her friends are all getting married while she has no one.

She isn't clever enough to help Censordoll.

Her own family leaves her out of the family choir. 

And the only crumb of validation she is offered is from her mother.

“Why don't you help me out and… Clean your room?” Note even the slight pause her mother has, as if she doesn't even know what to do with Bloberta.

Next, we see her trudge to her room. And what does she hide under the covers of her bed?

A flask.

She turns to alcohol when she is confronted with how unwanted she is. But where did that draw to alcohol come from?

We know she comes from a home where she is ultimately ignored and seen as valueless by everyone except one person.

Her Father.

I have a lot of thoughts about Bloberta and Raymond's relationship (the one scene where they interact just UGH LIVES IN MY HEAD) but the main thing to get away from it is that she associates the act of drinking with her Father.

A man who, without alcohol, is unable to speak his mind at all. He drinks to better tolerate his situation and his wife, who clearly doesn't value his words or opinions.

But Bloberta is very receptive to her Father, she greatly values his company and his thoughts and she finds comfort in being around him. She feels like someone cares about her and values her even if she knows he can't change anything.

Notice that despite her desperation to speak with her father, to form that connection that would validate her, she can't even touch him because she knows doing so would break the frail connection they have currently. Her Father is so reserved that at this point, any unexpected emotional reach would immediately cause him to shut down and retreat. Demonstrated just by him closing up immediately after she told him she loved him.

So how does this affect Blobertas perception of alcohol?

Well she says it herself.

"I think it helps us to be better people".

This rationality was reinforced by the small acts of kindness her father would show her.

And we don't have any reason to believe she is lying about this because up until the night of the reception, she's experienced nothing that contradicts this belief.

Bloberta's reliance on alcohol can be seen as her reaching for a solution to her need to feel wanted. She knows she's left out, both by friends and family. But if she believes drinking can make you become a better person? Then of course she would drink, because maybe then someone will want her.

What does she say directly after that?

"My Father drinks.”

Further insinuating her belief that he is good and he is the main reason she sees alcohol as a positive force.

She thought it would genuinely help Clay.

There's that word again.

Importantly, notice her clear anxiety and tenseness in her beginning interactions with Clay. From her first question, their conversation began falling apart.

So what happened?

Just after the wedding, she was almost suave in the way she invited Clay to the reception.

Why was she so nervous now?

Well, in her eyes, this was her chance.

After an undisclosed time of having no luck she finally convinces a handsome single man to have some semblance of a date with her.

She NEEDS this to go well.

So she's obviously anxious and stressed, and that's showing, but she figures that some drinks will make it easier for both of them. She's full panicking because she feels it's just so normal to drink, especially socially, and she can't understand why he wouldn't drink. She has no frame of reference for that mindset.

Things are already awkward between them once they settle in, and its not getting better. So of course she is going to fall back on what makes things easier for her.

And initially things are looking up.

Suddenly Clay's more talkative, and more receptive to what she's saying.

He's complimenting her.

He says she helped him.

The one thing she wants more than anything is to feel useful, she wants to be able to fit into that role that everyone expects her to so that she can be of worth to someone.

She isn't worth it to her peers,

she isn't worth it to her family,

but she could be worth it to him.

This only reinforces her resolve. 

This is it.

She is going to finally find her place to fit in, and everyone will welcome her with open arms as she finally finds her place in the role society has chosen for her.

But it's not that simple.

Things go south quickly, Clay doesn't want these things that Bloberta has to have. 

But she needs them.

To Bloberta, those things are proof of your value. The value society, friends, and family place on you.

Who would she be if she couldn't attain that value?

We again recognize that Bloberta has a fixation on being helpful. Helpfulness is the clearest indication of one's value, after all.

After being turned away by Clay, she immediately returns to a default ‘helpful’ act, cleaning. Just like her mother would tell her to do. But this was still her only chance, and Clay had already told her she had helped him. If she could only help him again, then maybe she had a chance at the real value she craved.

Once her anger passes and Clay sobers up, she returns to him and paints herself as ‘helpful’ as possible. She's desperate for that validation again, and if he would agree to her help then everything would certainly be fine.

She is practically begging him, help becomes a plea for him to save her from the pain of her day to day.

She hopes more than anything he will accept her and make all her pain go away.

He does accept, but in exchange, her previous world view is shattered.

Drinks don't help you become a better person.

They just help your true nature come out.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey, sex batman! i recently found out that im like, super into hurting people. like, Super into hurting people in a sexual context. does that make me, like, a bad person?

hi anon,

I'm not really interested in declaring who is and isn't a bad person, because I'm not a cop. let's work with something a little more actionable, like "what impact are my actions having on others?"

now, broadly speaking, many people would hear "I like to hurt people" and have the knee jerk reaction that that's bad a scary. but let's pump the breaks and consider nuance and context.

you know who loves to hurt people? my tattoo artist. she punctures my skin, makes me bleed, and causes permanent damage to my body, and she takes great pride in her work. I don't know if you've ever gotten a tattoo, but your body does very much react like you've been hurt, because you have. it doesn't matter that I sought out the pain and willingly paid for it; I was very much injured.

so does that make my tattoo artist a bad person? most people would say no, because she's only hurting people who ask her to do so and are aware of the risks, sober, and of legal age to consent to body modifications. she also follows appropriate guidelines to make sure that while she is hurting me she's doing it as safely as possible, minimizing the risk of infection or other complications that would cause me unnecessary pain or make my healing more difficult.

so we can agree that under these circumstances my tattoo isn't a terrible pervert unfit for society, right? she's a person doing something she likes to people who eagerly seek her out for exactly that purpose.

okay, now let's look at you. you want to hurt people sexy style. that alone is a neutral thing; desires are neither good or bad. thought crime isn't real. but if you want to enact this with real people, what's your move? are you planning to find people who want to be hurt sexy style (an abundant population, I assure you) and talking out the ways in which you could hurt them that would be pleasurable and fun for everyone involved? or are you going to hide in the bushes and assault people like a villain of the week on SVU?

only one of those is bad, in my book, because only one of those options involves victimizing another person and taking away their ability to consent to having sex with you.

so idk dude, I don't really believe many, if any, people are just fully irretrievably Bad. but a lot of people treat others badly. you can't really make that call based on sexual proclivities! there are people who use kink as an excuse to be shitheads the same as there are real assholes who only have married missionary sex with the lights off every other Wednesday. the only deciding factor is how you treat people.

and how you treat people is up to you!

[denwritesandcries]

YJS HCs – body types

Pairings: Yellowjackets x fem!reader

Summary: Okay so, I was thinking about body types so I could add details to my Shauna fic, really small things like skin marks and other stuff and that made me think about the other yjs too. I'm not used to writing headcanons, but here are a few that I couldn't get out of my head.

Word count: 1,9k.

Content: my personal headcanons, cursing, suggestive, fluff, insecurities, hurt/comfort, recent pop culture references so i guess modern!AU??

Note: This is so random and specific I don't think anyone will read it but I wanted to write it so badly.

English is not my first language.

shauna shipman

- I think Shauna is the most athletic of the girls, since in the first episode it’s said that she is the fastest on the team. Not necessarily thin; she is solid. Solid and warm. A warm wall seeking your touch all the time.

- She would always try to keep one hand on you and every time she touched you, her skin would be scalding hot, as if she barely needed gloves in the winter and only wore them because you told her to.

- Big spoon! She likes to wrap her arms around you and let her body wrap you completely when you cuddle or sleep together, her weight relaxing against you.

- Shauna is strong, like really strong and she knows it, her arms and legs are toned from training and she takes advantage of this to tease you at any opportunity, carrying things for you willingly (your backpack, shopping, whatever, she would be exactly like the *aggressively moves all groceries to one hand to hold yours* meme), rolling up the sleeves of her flannels ‘cause the muscles stand out, pressing you against walls/counters or simply carrying you during makeout sessions and nothing you do will take away the smug smile on her lips – well, barely nothing.

- She would also wear tank tops and shorts frequently just to make you nervous and receive compliments. It's ridiculous ‘cause she really thinks she's being subtle (she isn't).

“Shaunie, you sure you don’t want a jacket?”

“No, I’m good like that.” She's not, but she won't admit it.

“It’s raining.” You insist.

“The cold doesn't bother me anyway.” She shrugs, but leans back against you, placing her chin on your shoulder.

You snort, “Sure thing then, Elsa.”

- Shauna has a happy trail! Little baby hairs going up to her navel where she melts into a puddle when you caress her, goosebumps covering her skin in the same second.

van palmer

- I believe Van has rough hands from her goalie gloves! They're always warm even if the rest of her body isn't ‘cause of the constant movement – she expresses herself a lot with her hands too. She likes to run them down your sides just to see how your skin crawls, sometimes she does it out of nowhere just to scare you because she thinks it's funny.

- I think her skin is very sensitive, the kind that's full of moles and burns easily in the sun – you're constantly reminding her to put on sunscreen, but it's no use – she loves it when you trace patterns on her spots before bed or when you're bored somewhere.

- Her skin being so sensitive also means that hickeys and scratches are really hard to hide on her. She doesn't mind, in fact she seems to enjoy it a lot, you catch her a lot of times watching the marks spread across her shoulders and neck as they take days to disappear. That doesn't stop her from teasing you tho.

“It's been a week and there's still a purple mark on my neck. What are you, a damn vampire?” She mocks.

“Nah, you act like you wouldn't love me to be your Edward Cullen.”

She lifts her chin at you, “A leech then.”

"Van!"

- She has a belly and is very proud of it! She says it's the best for defending the goal and that it makes her fall to catch the ball less painful; She'll flex her muscles like a gym athlete when she's changing playfully just to seduce you (it works every time). She loves it when she lies in your arms after a bad day and you squish her tightly, it helps her calm down.

- She also has a happy trail, but she is too ticklish, like really ticklish. Many of your makeout sessions end up interrupted by her giggling when you drag your hands too softly under her shirt, she prefers firm touches.

- Van definitely has lots of small scars spread across her body from accidents over the years, that little weirdo (affectionate).

nat scatorccio

- Nat is as pale as a ghost, it would be impossible not to notice when you made her blush for any reason. She would try to distract you so you don't pay attention to it, but it wouldn't put off anything.

- The dark circles under her eyes are extremely pronounced, both due to her paleness and the heavy makeup she wears, so you always know when she's had a bad day or simply hasn't slept enough. She will complain incessantly about you making her stop and rest, but she will always do what you ask.

- I truly believe that she has lots and lots of moles all over her body, especially on her back.

- Some are bigger than others, large spots on the skin and she pretends that her heart doesn't warm with the fascination you have for them, but the prominent red face says everything you need to know.

“They look like small constellations, Nat," you sigh dreamily, hands soft on her naked skin, “Man, I wish I knew a single shit about stars so I could name them.”

“I’m shirtless in front of you and that’s what you’re thinking about?”

- I think she would have a lot of acne, especially on her face from sleeping and forgetting to take off her cheap makeup often, you would have to do a skin care routine together for her to really start taking care of it.

- She definitely has a tattoo scar that she got from one of those shady professionals before she was eighteen and didn't take care of it properly. You almost freaked out when she showed it to you out of fear that it would get infected. In the end she ended up with a weird drawing and a skin failure, but for Nat it was totally worth it, she says it makes her look like a badass (it's definitely not just because you kiss the mark every time you see it).

lottie matthews

- Alright then, let me tell you, this girl is FREEZING from head to toe. No matter how well she dresses up, her whole body will remain strangely cold, which worries you at a certain point, so what better way to keep her warm than to have her glued to you like a koala all day?

- She would place her cold hands on your neck just to bother you and then smile innocently when you took them in yours to rub them and blow warm air on them. That smartass.

- Lottie is tall (at least a lot taller than me) and I think she would have a lot of growth marks, you don't grow like that as a teenager without some.

- Light streaks on the back, hips, legs and thighs that would vary in tone over time. I think she would have the habit of hiding them so that people wouldn't comment, wearing long stockings with her skirts at school parties.

- She would be so flustreaded if you showed that you liked them by running your hands up her inner thighs, scratching her back gently to feel the smooth texture of the taut skin. It makes her feel so loved.

- She has sun spots on her face, around her eyes and cheeks. You think it's so beautiful that you could admire it for hours, anywhere, but you usually do it in bed in the morning.

“Are you watching me sleep, dear?” Lottie mumbles as she wakes to find you giving her a love gauze.

“Hm-hm,” you deny quietly, “‘Not watching you sleep. I’m watching you.”

“Oh.”

jackie taylor

- Now, Jackie would have stretch marks and be completely insecure about them. The girl needs constant validation about everything that concerns her and you better give it to her, she just wants to feel loved.

- Marks on her hips and chest that most of the time wouldn't even be visible, but she would still remember they were there. You run your hands down her sides as gently as possible and she will have tears in her eyes as you snuggle, heart warm.

- Your support helps her feel more comfortable with her own body over time, but she still wants compliments every day and will give you hints ‘til you comply with her requests.

- Jackie has freckles! This is actually one of the things she likes most about her face, the trail of dots around her nose and eyes. She’ll melt into a puddle on the floor if you start to kiss them one by one, but will lose patience if you decide to count them and stop the act of leaving wet kisses on them. She's not very good at waiting.

“Babe!” She whimpers.

“Just a second, sweetie, I’m almost finishing.” You continue, a look of pure concentration on your face, muttering “35, 36, 37…”

“No.” She says, hand grabbing the collar of your t-shirt and pulling you against her, “Come back now.”

- Jackie isn't necessarily icy, but she gets cold very easily and isn't shy about asking for your coat or jacket when you're together. Your girlfriend is a princess, better treat her like one. She'll squeeze her body against yours in bed and steal the blankets to stay warm.

- She has spots on her arms! Hundreds of light spots on the outside of the wrists to the shoulders, it's almost imperceptible, but so cute. Make sure to always let her know how beautiful she is.

misty quigley

- I think Misty has acne scars on her shoulders and cheeks, little red dots spreaded. She don't mind it most of time, but can be very insecure about it.

- She would be really suspicious if you just showered her with compliments out of nowhere just ‘cause you think she’s upset, so acting is better. Actions speak more to her.

- Place soft kisses on her shoulders, gently bite her cheek so she rolls her eyes in that nervous way she does. Make her feel beautiful as she is – because she is.

- She would be so pleased with you spoiling her that she would pretend to be sad about it a lot of times just to get your attention, she is an evil little genius. It’s captivating.

- She has freckles too! Little dots on her face so lightly that you only see them when she takes off her glasses, but they are there.

“I kiss you everyday, how did I never notice your freckles before?”

“Oh, I don't know.” She shrugs innocently, “Maybe you should take a closer look, baby.”

- She thinks she's so smooth but in reality she's a mess, the girl can't pick up social cues to save her life.

tai turner

- Okay so, Tai is the type who takes the football really seriously and works hard to win and to do that she would try to stay in shape as much as possible. I can easily imagine her doing extra training sessions and her friends teasing her about it, ‘cause Tai, it's a high school team.

- Because of this, I think she would have stretch marks on her back and calves, light fine lines that stand out against her dark skin. These are marks of her effort, so she shows them with great pride.

- She gets very smug and her skin crawls when you run your nails over the marks on her back.

- Tai is strong, strong enough to break someones leg on the field (sorry not sorry allie) and will show off for it whenever she gets the chance. She likes to wrap her arms around you from behind and lift you off the ground when she's passing by.

- She has sun spots on her face and arms! You think it's so cute, but if you say something silly and cheesy about it she'll roll her eyes and tell you to stop embarrassing her.

You sigh, “You are so, so pretty, Tai.”

“And you are so, so lame.” She echos, “...Come here, let me kiss you.”

- Happy wife, happy life. Always make her feel appreciated, she deserves it.

[antianakin]

I feel like I need to make it clear that when I talk about how Mon Mothma isn't fully committed to the Rebellion yet, it's because that is quite literally a massive part of her whole character arc. It's not a condemnation of her character or an attempt to belittle the things she HAS chosen to do for the rebellion and what it has cost her.

Mon Mothma says in Rebels that she finally hit a point of no return in recognizing that politics IS NOT GOING TO WORK and so she chooses to leave it all behind in order to be full in on the rebellion and do it day in and day out. At this point in Andor, she hasn't yet hit that point of no return. Some part of her still believes she can do something helpful through politics, even though we as the audience know that she CAN'T. There is no effort she can make politically that will actually change anything in the Empire.

And it's OKAY to recognize that Mon Mothma still has places to go as a character and room to grow as a rebel. She's not all the way there yet. Much like Cassian was against the Empire and had no issues stealing from them last season but wasn't fully committed to the cause until the end. He had to hit a point of no return before he could let go of the idea that he could still have a normal life of some kind before he could truly become the rebel we all know he needs to be.

Mon Mothma was ready to sell her daughter, yes, but she also tries to convince Leida OUT OF IT in the last episode which would've had pretty major consequences not just for her but for Luthen and Kleya and the rebellion. She is still prioritizing her family over the rebellion. And that's not a bad thing, necessarily! She's a good mother and that's why she says what she does, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! But I do think it is a signal that Mon Mothma ISN'T fully committed to the rebellion yet because there were still things that she would prioritize over it if push came to shove. There were lines she still wasn't willing to cross and things she wasn't yet willing to sacrifice in the name of the cause.

Similarly, her conversation with Luthen where they're talking about Tay and he says he needs to protect her and Mon responds with "I don't know what you're talking about," is another signal that Mon was just not really ready to make those sacrifices. She doesn't want to acknowledge it, she can't make those choices on her own. She can still pretend she has no idea what Luthen is saying to her or what he's going to do to protect her as an asset. She can go off and get drunk and try to forget it all so she can get up the next day and just be Mon Mothma the politician. Luthen can't do that. He made an entire speech last season about why he can't do that anymore. Cassian can't do it, either, because he had to make this same choice a year ago.

And I think it's honestly a really cool narrative arc for Mon Mothma. I think it works really well as a parallel for Cassian and as part of the theme of the passing of the baton/torch that is so integral to the story of Rogue One and Andor. Mon ISN'T fully committed to the rebellion yet, she ISN'T ready to be a rebel entirely yet, she ISN'T the person who can lead the rebellion yet. She's getting there, she's reaching her point of no return, but she's NOT THERE YET. As much as she's doing, there's pieces of herself she's holding back, pieces of herself and her life that she's not willing to let go of yet. And we're watching her give them up or lose them until she finally recognizes the same thing Cassian did last season. She either dies, or commits herself fully to this cause she's been one foot in and one foot out of for years. That's it, that's the choice they all ultimately end up having to face, and it's a choice you only get to through a lot of hardship and pain and loss.

[hellonerf]

this post is going to be my depository for the caname yandere notes i wrote a while ago and im finally posting. below this line is it. if you want you can just ignore the walls of text for this image of ame as miyuki from you and me and her or read through it for my yandere caname braindead details

straightforwardly, they'd be different in approach. dumb in their own ways 🤤 loosely using yandere here okay i know the meaning has changed a lot okay(snoreee)

for a yandere cana, in context to caname. a mumbling withdrawn yandere… just a general big fan of how it can come off as shyness. well i personally love a really messy sadled-by-internal-conflict kind of yandere… i think there’d be a weird type of shame there. always has the feeling that he’s afraid to be perceived. a weird overlap… with his ame-related frustrations “he won’t even look at me… (seethe)” and “ohhhmygod he CAN’T look at me (shaking)”. like he feels in the right but feels afraid simultaneously. and he knows so much about ame but ame doesn’t reciprocate such effort? unfair…(grits teeth).

he can confidently say he knows everything about ame, and then mumble about how ame barely knows anything about him. i want to him to rage internally about that that it bubbles up (>_>) entitlement and yandereness kind of go together anyways. she’s glaring at her with such intensity and she won’t even turn around to notice… can't she at least have this... she rarely gets anything for herself... at least this... i like any case of someone being yandere for ame where they take on a kind of caretaker role. he’s so stupid he can’t do anything he doesn’t know what’s good for him etc… (happy)(happy anytime ame loses control in some way)(ties him to cana like a balloon). loveee the idea of cana hitting him or something and then doting on him right afterwards like he didn’t cause it. HOW’d you get such an INJURY…… so irresponsible 🤦‍♂️

another thing is cana is more comfortable with femininity than ame. this is factual and ame i’d imagine to be tenser about it. i don’t know what this means guys. anyways i think his feelings build up into a climax more... turned into action! whatever it is he does to ame

a yandere ame is harder for me to put into words. because i okay. i like her a lot. i think he’d be so rage jealous upset internally, but also so much so that he can’t keep it in (i don’t think his control on how much of his emotions leak out is very good, i don’t think he has a good enough lid on it) so he’ll come off very spiteful, controlling, accusatory. she’s keeping track of where you go where she can’t see you. she doesn’t believe what she can’t see. ame’s high and fragile ego i think… deep down he can be insecure and paranoid. it’s frustrating for him to feel unsure at all. especially if it contradicts what he believes he heard. and it’s an insult that someones even making him feel so unsure. she’s like stomping her foot… wants her full attention at all times… she won’t and can’t let you get away with fooling around.

in a caname nationverse… i think there’d then already be a lot of interactions ame would consider “the ultimate betrayal” lol… similar in cana that he’d want reciprocation for the attention given, but i think he’d be 10x more blatant in the rage and entitlement. it'd cause more lashing out to the perceived betrayal i think. he's stuck between wanting affection and being so mad that he's not getting it already. demanding of cana's time loyalty and reciprocation... yandere that seethes that the one they love isn't as crazy about them lol... paired with all this… complexes about doing things “right”. communicating “right”. i think ame doesn’t really have a natural intuition in communication, relying on imitating social customs while not understanding them fully. so it'd be even more upsetting to him that he's "done it right" and he still doesn't get what he wants.

and also with that i think he’d be lacking in self awareness so hard… gets into antics… thennn i think he's more explosive in this, feels a white hot jealous rage and acts based on that, but its easy to forget outside of those moments.

in these descriptions i think cana's works prior to dating... if dating ever starts at all lol i think he thinks of it less like a romance endeavor and more like a... well he's already always right next to him! its been building up for forever... for ame's i think these only really get prominent with something "established". he already demands your time but if cana like specifically promised something, or he had some epiphany, that'd cause all these wants to be much more visible. i feel like he tends to need a catalyst for some feelings to come to the forefront

the switching pronouns is cause saying all this im imagining them yandere girl-like no matter what because i have personal feud with male yandere

[oikarma]

revolving door

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

summary: you don't know why he keeps crawling back to you. love, he explains. he loves you more than anything on the planet. love. maybe that's why you keep choosing to believe him, again and again, even when everything tells you otherwise.

a/n: toxic af don't read if it'll trigger you <3 carlos is, unfortunately, not the best person in this.

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liked by jenniferaniston and others

yourinstagram covey at heart! tbosas is now out in theatres near you, thank you to all the people who have made baby!yn's dream of being in a hunger games adaptation come true <3

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user1 you wanted to be in the hunger games 💀 thats sickening...ew...

user2 fr? user3 be honest with me you probably wanted to as well. that doesn't mean she likes mass slaughter, raising of children to be killers, poverty, etc. she just means the hunger games series was BIG and it would have been cool to be part of it. she is now.

user4 you and tom are so cuteee

user5 dating announcement when?

carlossainz55 Unforgettable. You put on an amazing performance, darling.

yourinstagram i love you beyond words ❤️ user6 what's a racecar driver doing in y/n's likes?? user7 that's her man user6 she has a man 😭 how did i not know this

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yourinstagram winter dump ❄️

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user1 QUEEN I SAW YOU AT DISNEY liked by yourinstagram

user2 was she with carlos? user1 no she was with lewis user3 what user4 y/n's known him for a while too because of nicole. they go WAY back user5 lore drop

user6 stunning. heavenly. ethereal.

user7 what's puppo's name?

yourinstagram wrio! isn't he a cutie ☺️

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f1 BREAKING: Lewis Hamilton to join Ferrari in 2025!

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user1 no.

user2 the world ended when it happened to me

user3 lewis mercedes era over? wtf?

user4 actually in shock rn

user5 wait. so is charles leaving or carlos

user6 prob carlos charles has been raised by ferrari user7 NOOO MY CHILI

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yourinstagram red for dior (and red for my baby)

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user1 ferrari you don't get to be in y/n's likes after dropping her man

scuderiaferrari 🤨 user2 what does that even mean user3 wait.

user4 QUEEN

user5 Once chance please I promise I'll make it worth it

user6 hear me out she's dating lewis

user7 swapping drivers the minute ferrari does? yikes.. user8 told you she was there for clout user9 and literally the DAY it's announced like how much more obvious can you get

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yourinstagram has added to their close friends story

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alexandrasaintmleux oh honey, i'm so sorry. i just heard from charles. i'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on 🤍

yourinstagram thanks alex, lysm

lewishamilton Let me know if you want to talk

yourinstagram i just want ben and jerrys but they hired the good ceo or whatever lewishamilton Doesn't Charles have an ice cream brand yourinstagram it's not dairy free lewishamilton It's okay, we don't have to share yourinstagram can we watch a really stupid movie lewishamilton Like a chick flick? yourinstagram yeah but not a romantic one cause i'll cry lewishamilton Got it yourinstagram we've never been on a break before... lewishamilton I know, Y/N. I know.

carlossainz55 I miss you already carlossainz55 has deleted this message

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carlossainz55 🏆P3!! Good start to the season. We have a very good baseline and we'll keep pushing for more! 💪🏻

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user1 bravo, what a good start!

user2 first podium of the year and first of many more to come

user3 😍

user4 guys was y/n in the paddock? i didn't see her

user5 no iirc, but she's been filming Y2K & she has a broadway project soon so i think she's just busy

user6 Tifosi you’re gonna miss this legend. I’m sure.

user7 how is lewis even going to compete with this man...ur loss ferrari...we will follow you everywhere carlitos!

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f1gossipofficial Lewis Hamilton and Y/N L/N spotted out shopping. Just friends?

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user1 y/n girl go back to your man

user2 what a gold digger

user3 no louis vuitton, no lewis hamilton

user4 can't believe she's a cheater i really thought she loved carlos

user5 good for him! he'll be free of ferrari and this bitch

user6 am i the only one that kind of supports this...

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yourinstagram feeling ... Y2K (out in december)

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jaedenwesley Boss ass co-star!! ❤️

yourinstagram hell yeah user wait, are they dating?

user1 that outfit in p2 is EATING

user2 cheater.

user3 can't wait for it to come out

user4 Did you and carlos break up? Yru not liking his posts anymore??

lewishamilton Movie of the year, perhaps?

yourinstagram movie of the decade (hah get it) user5 and they say they're "just friends" user6 the man my gf tells me not to worry about user7 @/user6 well carlos doesn't have to worry anymore pretty sure y/n and lewis are going to make it official soon

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yourinstagram first preview tomorrow! a collective thank you nytimes for these beautiful photos

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user1 KIT CONNOR TOO? WHYS SHE PULLING EVERYONE

user2 she really living her best life

user3 does this mean she won't come to any gps cause she'll be busy on broadway? ☹️

user4 well there's miami so we might see her visiting lewis user5 are we sure they're dating? user6 probably. she hasn't interacted publicly w carlos in AGES, they've unfollowed each other, and she and lewis have been spotted together a lot (which means she's been flying from NY to see him, crazy work)

user7 she looks so sad.

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f1gossipofficial Carlos Sainz spotted with a woman. Have he and Y/N L/N broken up?

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user1 no, no this can't be real

user2 y/n's in new york there's no way that's her user3 so this is why they've been so distant... user4 well she's probably been sleeping around with lewis for months. got a taste of her own medicine

user5 caryn, you were great while it lasted

user6 what a bop

user7 no wonder it's over

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f1gossipofficial F1 it-couple Y/N L/N and Carlos Sainz's first public spotting since 2024. Have the lovebirds made up?

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user1 i'm literally getting whiplash from all the drama surrounding them

user2 i'm so glad they're back together

user3 wasn't he literally with a different girl LAST WEEK

user4 she's glowing oml

user5 and the way he came all the way to ny to attend the premiere with her? it's not even her film...dedication

user6 well miami is next week user7 does this mean we'll see her in the paddock?

user8 what is this relationship 😭 he wasn't even subtle with the cheating tf y/n stop going back to him

user9 is she dating lewis? is carlos cheating? are they back together? PLEASE STOP IM SO CONFUSED.

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liked by charles_leclerc and others

carlossainz55 Today wasn't my day. At the start I went from P2 into T1 to P4 after having to avoid Pérez. Then the Safety-Car came out one lap after I pitted and we lost a chance to lead the race. It is what it is! However, the pace was very strong! On to the next one. 🤍🩵

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user1 2 hearts? on a 5th place? i wonder if his happiness has to do with perchance his girl

user2 looking gooood carlos

user3 a thirst trap? lucky me

user4 y/n's other acc LMAO

user4 oh he looks so good in blue baby

yourinstagram 5 for 55 💙

carlossainz55 55 for you and you alone, mi amor user5 we are so back caryn stans user6 the war is over 🥺

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yourinstagram birds of a feather

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billieeilish will you love me til the day that i die?

yourinstagram my heart's taken, i'm afraid user1 carlos sainz you are. one lucky bastard. user2 oh she's whipped fr

user3 happiness looks good on you

user4 do we realize that he probably took the 3rd picture

user5 blue for ... williams move?

user6 no you're crazy user5 well we thought hamferrari was crazy but whatever.

carlossainz55 ❤️

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yourinstagram snow white in 6 continents + lots of jet lag, but it's all worth it 🍎

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user1 they did you so dirty in the movie 😭

user2 fr the bob...they should've kept her natural hair

user3 lewis's private jet? hm.

user4 carlos not commenting? hm. user5 lots of jet lag? hm. wonder if she's going to silverstone user6 and will it be for lewis or for her Carlos? user7 y'all need to grow up y/n and carlos are DATING and her and lewis have never confirmed being anything beyond friends

alexandrasaintmleux my gorgeous girl <3

yourinstagram see you soon 😉

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f1gossipofficial Y/N L/N spotted at Silverstone.

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user1 the mercedes headpiece?

user2 what happened to carlos? user3 tbf she's known lewis longer user2 but carlos is her BOYFRIEND

user4 people are wild. she said no to a picture and they still decided to post her. smh

user5 well she's a celebrity clearly she wants the attention

user6 what's crazy to me is that even when they unfollowed each other they kept all the lovey comments and posts up

user7 digital footprint who

user8 haven't seen her much in the media. is she just keeping a low profile?

user9 op responded to a similar comment on the twitter thread and said y/n looked like she'd been crying

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lewishamilton YES 🍾🍾🍾 945 days since the last win and it’s finally come home. SILVERSTONE I LOVE YOU. There’s no crowd that deserves this more. This is love, this is family. Thank you all for the love and support. Massive shout to the team as well. Everyone in the garage and back at the factory have given long hard hours for this result. It’s not been easy but it’s brought us back to back wins for the team. Most importantly we didn’t lose hope. We didn’t give up. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KEEP GOING. STILL WE RISE 🇬🇧🏆❤️ !!!

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yourinstagram words don't convey how proud i am of you ❤️ you come back everytime. world champion in my heart forever. i'll be cheering for you until the end! *liked by lewishamilton

user1 the heart? user2 leave her ALONE how long do i have to defend them being FRIENDS user3 no wonder she was crying oml

user4 it's been a long time coming

user5 EIGHT TIME WDC LEWIS HAMILTON, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

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f1gossipofficial Carlos Sainz out for dinner with model Rebecca Donaldson.

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user1 i'm sick don't even touch me

user2 he's moving on so fast??

user3 i refuse to believe he does this on his own accord. like y/n must've cheated or something

user4 stop babying a grown man

user5 is this why y/n wasn't in the ferrari paddock at silverstone

user6 Such an upgrade from that cheater

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carlossainz55 P1 in Mexico! 🇲🇽🏆 Winning here in front of this incredible crowd is amazing, thank you all for the support! I enjoyed the race from start to finish, definitely a weekend to remember 🙌🏻 Thank you for the love you have shown me.

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user1 aaaaaaand they're back.

user2 to be fair i would fold for carlos sainz too user3 the way he ran straight toward her even though she showed up mid race like HE KNEW. user4 soulmates.

user5 I don't know whether to be happy or start preparing for the inevitable breakup

user6 smooth operation complete!! congrats 🌶️

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Engines were loud but louder was the pounding in your heart as you stood in a sea of red. The last place you should have been was here, at the Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez, celebrating a man who had broken your heart more times than you could count. But love was never rational and here you were.

You knew the exact moment Carlos spotted you. His celebration faltered for just a second, his breath hitching, before the cameras and his team swarmed him.

He shouldn't have been surprised.

You had always been there, even when you shouldn't have been. Even when he had given you every reason to leave. And God, there had been so many reasons.

The late-night arguments that left you in tears, the hollow apologies that followed, the women whose names you never wanted to know. You had left-more than once. Everyone knew. But Carlos had always found a way to drag you back into his orbit, whether it was a drunken voicemail at 3 a.m. or a quiet confession that he couldn't sleep without you beside him.

By the time he was free from the podium and the press, you were by the barriers, heart in your throat. He didn't hesitate-couldn't. One second, he was weaving through the bodies of Ferrari crew members and the next he's pulling you close the way he always did, positively magnetic, body latching onto yours like it had never left. On his lips, you tasted the kind of desperation that only came with knowing you've been given one last chance.

His fingers curled at your waist. He kissed you like he was trying to prove something: to you, to himself, to everyone who had ever said you were doomed from the start. When you broke apart, your breaths mingling, his forehead pressed against yours, he murmured, "Dios mío. You always come back."

You exhaled shakily, hands fisting against his racing suit. "And you always ruin it."

His jaw clenched, a flicker of something-guilt? longing? love-crossing his face. "Not this time."

You wanted to believe him. You always did.

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a/n: started cute and turned into a trainwreck of a relationship. poor lewis having to put up with all this shennanigans

[shaampoo]

OMG!?!??! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS SONG (and AU), RIGHT NOW!!!

(By Lydia the bard

TINKERBELL VILLAIN SONG - Fall Little Wendy Bird Fall | Song by Lydia the Bard and Tony | Animatic

The title^)

First of all the cover art is AMAZING, Tink is SO pretty, the sparkle and lines on the wings, her grin, HER HAIR, HER EARS, HER DRESS,

Also, "Fall Little Wendy Bird Fall" is a great title

Now the video itself and its lyrics, i really REALLY want to just compliment every single frame of this video, its so beautiful, so well done, its like it was blessed by The Muses of greek mythology,

Okay so the lyrics at 0:45

"You dont seem to quite understand what is at stake,

This messed up little family that i had to make"

Not only is this line so beautiful with the way her voice sounds, its pretty much a nod to the fact Tink and her friends kidnapped peter pan and the lost kids to keep her and her friends alive

(0:55) \/

"If i could let them all go home please know that i would

But it'd do more harm than good"

Just Tink expressing her guilt that she and her friends kidnapped the lost boys so that they could keep existing, but like, JWHSEAJKHWED, she ofc doesn't want her or her friends to die, and since people are slowly not believing in fairies anymore, they're slowly going extinct, ALSO, Fawn and Silvermist are DEAD, so yeah, that messes with someones head

AAAALSOOOO, i LOVE their silhouettes, the height and weight differences instead of them all having the same height and weight like in the movies, plus, i LOVE that despite not looking like how they do in the movies, you can probably still tell who is who,

ALSO

Even if it wasnt intentional, i like how in kinda faraway shots, Tink has a more cuter roundish look, while in closer shots shes more edgy and more intimidating(? if that's the right word), kinda showing how others view her (kinda?) as a cute fairy, maybe underestimated, but yknow, close up, shes plotting to kill a child

(1:15)

I love how Tink is gesturing in this scene, cause 1. It conveys to the audience what she wants from the lost boys and 2. Canonically, when fairies talk, people usually just hear jingling of bells, so shes gesturing because shes also conveying what she wants to the lost boys

1:23

"Swear its nothing personal, its a necessary evil"

I just love this line because it is a necessary evil, she needs the lost boys and peter pan in neverland to believe in fairies so that they exist, and Wendy is pretty much a threat, since she makes the lost boys want to grow up with families,

Also, the lost boys look so cute in here, i cant remember their names tho, one is holding a slingshot, aiming at wendy, one is holding rocks , and one has a stick , so Tink just told these children to assassinate Wendy, or at least attack her.

1:35

I love how the kids explain that Tink make them do it, and Peter Pan just glares at Tink, and i love that I'm pretty sure that Peter isn't mad/doesnt blame the lost boys

As seen in this scene where Pete is smiling and stuff at the Lost Boys and/or at Wendy

1:55

I love how Tink refers to Wendy as a "Nasty little spark" because, a spark can turn into a fire, damaging a lot of stuff and people, pretty much saying that Wendy has to be snuffed out before she causes a fire,

"Setting fires inside my house is just not allowed"

Pretty much referring to the fact that Wendy, the spark, is creating a fire, aka, making the lost boys want to grow up and go back to the real world, making them not believe in fairies anymore, thus, making her and her friends die, which is, not allowed.

Also. the fear in Tink's eyes is so fear, her expression is on point, the mix of concern and fear is just, so beautiful, also i love her pointed ears

2:17

First of all, this screenshot does not do justice to the actual design of the mermaid (siren?), cause they are AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, GORGEUS.

Also, the fact that Tink is persuasive enough to convince someone to kill Wendy in such a short amount of time is impressive, and the fact that the mermaids agreed so quickly is also impressive,

When it failed, the absolute horror and shock on Tink's face? Shes horrified that another plan of hers failed, and shes scared that her friends might die, like, wow

The despair on her face is just so...asdjwoaijdoiwajd

3:38

The fact that Peter Pan (i cant even give him a nickname cause Pete sounds different and P.P. is just wrong and Pan is just A Thing), first at the gust of wind that blows away the pixie dust (which keeps the ship afloat) he covered his eyes, maybe cause the dust or his hair in his eyes, then he looks at Tink in anger and shock and probably some confusion, then looks at Wendy, in concern and fear,

Theory: Pan knows that, since Tink doesnt want the lost boys to leave, and he knows that gust of wind was from the fairies, and Tink's dislike and hatred to WEndy, that Wendy was probably the only one not going to be saved, which is why he only looks at her and tries to save her (that or he's a SIMPPPPPPP /j)

3:50

The fact that you can see Wendy screaming??? Chills,

And the black screen right after, signalling Wendy's death is just amazing

Anyways, overall, what im saying is

THIS SONG IS AMAZING GO CHECK IT OUT, GO CHECK OUT THIS PERSONS CHANNEL, THEY HAVE GOOD VILLAIN SONGS, THEY EVEN HAVE ENCANTO!!!!

[creamco]

caitlyn kiramman is a cheater, an abuser and a racist.

hater for life! if you like racists, cheaters and abusers, good for you!

vi is a person with many traumas; loss of her biological parents, loss of her father figure and best friends, this loss being caused by her sister, loss of her sister, then learning that her sister is alive but enemy, 7 years full of abuse in prison, no one to trust around.

she needs therapy, thats for sure, but she also needs people who'll take care of her, who'll show affection and love to her, who'll comfort her. vi deserves them.

but cait is all about her "kiramman family" household, the commanding power she has, the enforcements, the discrimination and the racist propaganda against zaunian people she infuses in piltover poeple.

about abusing, vi was abused in jail for over 7 years, NONSTOP. and guess, where did they had their first time?

in a cell. in a fucking cell.

OH NOT TO MENTION cait used vi's emotional state and manipulated her into having sex.

"you've grown a bit predictible." wtf? isn't this provoking?

also, what about she continuously hitting vi? she hit vi many times with her gun(riffle?).

"you look like an angry oil slick." thanks babe i didn't realize you were mocking the way i look.

she is racist to zaunian people, she has many words talking about how zaunian people are low, uneducated and ignorant.

it is true that they are uneducated, like duh, you guys never gave them the chances to study in a school. they had to fight to exist, they had to build the undercity to stay alive. cait is criticizing how bad zaunian people are, discriminating vi and her environment for this but she is okay with killing zaunians for the sake of piltover. fucking racist, i say.

about cheating, ofc, there's this whole oil&water thing going on but vi never actually said that oil&water couldn't exist near each other.

a relationship doesn't mean that you have to do everything with your partner, you must have a personal time too. you need to exist and live your life with your partner added into your life; not your partner being your life.

in the oil&water concept, this idea of mine means oil shouldn't mix with water BUT exist near water. that's why i think the oil&water talk was NEVER EVEN a breakup conversation.

relying on and believeing in this idea makes me think that they never broke up, but went into a break. (because they didn't see each other for A WHILE) vi meant to say that cait should give her space to exist, not try to turn vi into a piltoverian.

since cait didn't give vi her space to exist as the way who she is, vi left.

but even during this break, vi coped through alcohol and fighting, but caitlyn preffered fucking other women and cheating. INTIMACY WITH OTHERS COUNT AS CHEATING if you're in a break with your partner, no matter the gender or sexuality.

i hate maddie for the way she is, but i can understand her as a spy sent by noxus OR a basic officer who is in love with her boss. CAITLYN USED MADDIE AS A BANDAGE and no one can deny it.

even if maddie wanted to seduce caitlyn, cait is far more higher ranked than her. if cait weren't to accept or want maddie in her bed, maddie wouldn't even stand a chance BECAUSE maddie is lower ranked than cait and has no rights to refuse a commander + the leader of kiramman household.

caitlyn knowingly and wantingly cheated on vi. she enjoyed that sick relationship with maddie. she cheated on vi and used maddie as a prostitute via corruptly using her power.

and oh god vi is so stupid to accept caitlyn back, mf are you for fucking real???? she cheated on you, are you blind??????

so yes. hater for life!

i have been playing league of legends since pool party zoe came out, i am a morgana main and i'm familiar with caitvi for a long time. i like this caitvi relationship ingame, but for arcane i'll never ever forgive nor like caitlyn kiramman.

[ilikekidsshows]

After watching the latest seasons, I'll be honest: I don't think Marinette is that different from one of Adrien's crazy fans. I know the show wants us to believe she truly loves him for him, but they never really show this. Five seasons later, she still puts him high on her pedestal as the most perfect person ever, only gives reasons like he's nice and pretty for why she likes him, is openly annoyed with his other personality as Chat Noir, and doesn't think he's capable enough to make his own choices about his life and has to be coddled.

---

Yeah, like, the show insists they're made for each other and soulmates but, rather than give them fun chemistry like they had in the original seasons, they just have characters say Marinette's love for Adrien is totally different and more pure. The show, due to how badly its main romance is written, implying things like “Marinette objectifies Adrien but she does it out of love so that makes it okay!” are exactly why I’ve started viewing Adrinette as the “are the straights okay?” ship. The people defending what this ship has become say some absolutely bonkers stuff is what I'm saying.

A big underlying problem that causes this, even before the retool exacerbated it, is that Miraculous is both a love story and a wacky comedy. The Miraculous writers feel the need to focus on Marinette’s crush a lot, but also to include wacky comedy hijinks. Because of this, Marinette's love for Adrien gets played for wacky comedy hijinks more than it gets depicted actually seriously, so we can't take it seriously. When something can't be taken seriously, it comes across as really shallow.

Miraculous has a tone problem that’s only gotten worse the longer it's gone on. The same things get treated as sources of comedy that are also supposed to be the emotional core of the story, sometimes within the same episode. The series almost simultaneously expects the audience to laugh at the things that are also supposed to be the reason to even care about what happens. I’m surprised it isn't causing people emotional whiplash.

But, like, that's the problem with the writing being consistent about the wrong things. The elements that are supposed to be comedic are also present in scenes we’re supposed to take seriously. That’s how we get Marinette trying to defend Adrien against her grandmother simplifying him as just “pretty”, but Marinette can't come up with anything else about him she's attracted to. Is this supposed to be a hilarious joke? Like, are we supposed to laugh that Marinette can't tell her grandmother why she loves her boyfriend, the endgame romantic partner of this series?

Miraculous' idea of comedy and humor ruins its romance, and, when it's not the comedy, it's the cheap drama that makes Marinette look like a terrible human being when she's supposed to be an aspirational hero. It makes it hard to get invested in its main couple or sympathize with its main hero, the two things that are necessary to enjoy the story the writers want to tell. The fans have to be willing to do all the work and go “I can tell what the writers are trying to do, so I’ll do my best to view the story the way they want me to”, but, like, we can only tell what the writers are trying to do because we've seen better shows than Miraculous that do these things well. Why should Miraculous' writers get credit for not only being subpar, but failing so utterly they depict the opposite of what they intended? What good things have they actually given us that warrants this much leeway?

Especially when the small kids watching won't have a deeper understanding of genre conventions to tell them “the writers are trying to break conventions and aren't replacing them with sensical story decisions and that makes the story fail so much”, they can just see the bad morals and either reject or internalize what Abuse Apologia the Show is teaching them. And, like, considering how much abuse apologia this show’s and it's hero’s most insistent defenders are spouting, I’m not sure even all of the older kids or the adults in the audience can tell that this show's morals are rancid and should be rejected.

[galaxymagitech]

Guide to Jaybin: Thief of the Night

Pre-Crisis - Detective Comics #529, Batman #363, Detective Comics #530

Summary: Batman battles a night-themed pseudo-incestuous criminal duo. Meanwhile, Jason runs away to rejoin the circus, meeting his clown friend Waldo at the docks. No, I am not making this up.

Jason's Personality: Jason still desperately wants to fight crime with Batman, and he will follow a villain on his own to try to track her down and help. Eventually, he chooses to run away and return to the circus with Waldo.

Bruce's Parenting: Uh. Not the best. Despite going to one (1) movie with Jason, and being pictured on the trapeze with him early, he doesn't pay much attention to Jason. Jason may be a priority over Vicki to him (as is...pretty much everything else), but not over Batman.

Jason views being Batman's partner as the only way he can get attention. I thought from the trapeze moment that precrisis would be different, but apparently not. He knows that his home isn't dependent on being a vigilante, but he still believes that being a vigilante with Bruce is the only way he can have his father, and Bruce is offering nothing to disprove that. And eventually, Jason feels neglected enough to run away.

Oh, and apparently this entire time, Bruce was not officially Jason's legal guardian because the paperwork hasn't gone through. So he's just had a kid at his house without legal permission for at least a month, although Jason was going to school somehow. Oh, and after Jason runs away, Bruce decides to track Jason down himself without involving the authorities because he's not actually Jason's legal guardian yet.

Bruce is not in favor of child vigilantes, which is always a good thing, but he is clearly failing at actually parenting. Holy Kidnapping, Batman!

Notes:

Bullock is still around causing problems.

Nocturna is Natasha Knight, although her name will eventually be retconned to Natalia Knight. [EDIT: Apparently “Natasha” is a nickname for Natalia, despite being shorter. Okay then. Sorry about that.]

Vicki seems to think Bruce is cheating on her and was lying about cancelling their date to go to the movies with Jason. She makes her publisher reassign her to the field in some random country because she wants to leave Gotham.

Selected Panel(s):

Jason's bedroom at Wayne Manor (unusually clean for a preteen boy, but he has books!) and Jason using the "holy [insert thing here]" phrase in the Robin tradition.

[lightningant]

I saw your thing with Snape being aro/ace and I wanna hear more about that. Specifically the reasoning behind it and then with the dynamic of him and lily :3

My reasoning is that I am aro/ace and he's my little princess.

Okay, seriously. He's derided a lot for being an incel, but what he felt was most important about his history with her is that she was the most valuable person in the world; that she was the new life he was running to, that he'd get a good job with Voldemort so he could establish magic supremacy so people like Lily and himself could cast off their muggle upbringing and flourish. He wanted to share his new life with her.

If we look at the memories, what Snape selects to describe what their relationship:

His fumbled attempt to connect with Lily over his magic, hungry for her attention

Him mentoring her with what his mother taught him (again he is hungry for Lily's attention) and his inability to understand her love for Petunia [muggles].

The splinter of Petunia and Lily's relationship, and the grounds of the Snape-James rivalry and what about James grated on Lily

Lily sorted to a different house, completely breaking down their dynamic

The beginning of Lily and Snape's splinter; that he has become obsessed with the Marauders specifically because James is in love with her, and she is frustrated Snape isn't interested in what his own friends do. Snape prioritizes Lily not being taken away over what she has to say. See above; he doesn't understand the worth of muggles, just fantasizes about muggleborn and halfbloods like them getting to shuck their heritage and go on to greater things. Very Fuck You Got Mine philosophy.

Snape repeating his worst memory on purpose. It is humiliating but core to what happened; he is the one in the wrong, he reacted poorly, he is the cause of their parting.

And a memory of him grovelling to hammer it home. She catches him out on his Fuck You Got Mine attitude; that muggleborn who love their muggle families and indulge their muggle culture are just mudbloods, but he refuses to believe that about her, because Lily's so smart and talented and superior and destined to outgrow them. 😬

So the purpose of these memories is pretty clear, that she had been very consistent while Snape kept trying to introduce her to his fantasy of a better life that she (rightly!) didn't think very highly of. When he loses her, he goes back to live at Spinner's End, wallowing in the world he was trying to escape, because escape was no longer possible. The wizarding world no longer had anything to offer, because uplifting her was so core to how he understood it. He just didn't understand her.

I think Snape's paternalistic treatment of Lily and obsessive attitude towards James would result in more signs of desire; in fact, he is at his most ravenous for her when he is like, ten years old. After that, the one who reacts with attraction is Lily, because she's flustered by Snape being byronic and hormonal at her.

This is all to say I just think there's solid basis to read Snape's love for her as platonic, and that not undermining what he is trying to convey by selecting these memories. I'm not crazy.

Narrative-wise, as in, "what does Snape's love for Lily being platonic add to the character": I do think that this is often a cop-out to make him a more appetizing character and rescue him from incel allegations, which is kind of a bummer because... I mean, he's obsessed with James Potter's sexual fascination with Lily and is paternalistic towards her.

I think it would upset him he's not attracted to Lily.

I think he would be pretty conscious that he is a boy and he is fascinated and enraptured with a girl, and how ~obviously compatible they are~ (🙄), and that should mean they start a romance and become more intimate, but...that desire does not exist. He doesn't want to date Lily, he just wants to... [vague gesture] have her. There is no way to process his adoration of Lily; the only way to make her exclusive to himself is not something he actually wants, but that means she can't be exclusive to him, and so James Potter is free to take her in ways he can't.

I'm even willing to assume Lily was waiting for Snape to express sexual interest in her, because every word out of his mouth since the day they met has been worshiping her and talking mad shit about her suitors. And I can definitely see a lot of her dejection and hatred of him as that like, oh, so its okay to consort with mudbloods, but you could never touch one.

Which he can't really refute; what exactly is the end state of being so deeply devoted to someone platonically? Not dating, nor marriage, nor "like a sister to me" (which is just a way of saying you aren't going to date, and anyway isn't true because he's never seen her in a familial way), an eternally open, hanging question of a relationship without a knot to tie the ends together, dooming them to eventually unravel. He wants her to love him as much as she loves her future husband. That's not how things are meant to work.

And he's afraid of it, but resigned to it, and ends up just letting it unravel. He doesn't bother to understand or listen to Lily, or express what's radicalizing him (when she told him off for being friends with Mulciber, it seemed to be the first time it's ever come up), or share his vulnerabilities, because he's always viewed her as an opportunity to show how worldly and wise he is.

And as an adult, selecting those memories for Harry...He's keenly aware of that, and regrets how poorly he treated her, and yet for all the clarity he's gained... that frayed, open strand of their relationship is still drifting and unresolved.

Which is, of course, nothing like how Aberforth or Aurelius experiences aromanticism in herringverse. See what I mean about these specific headcanons being an ecosystem. They're all chewing on each other to power their own hangups. Beautiful.

[note: this can all also apply to a gay reading, but part of the terrifyingly ephemeral nature of this dynamic is that there is no new direction to head in. There is no new catharsis that explains this more-than-friendship. There is only the fact of his love, which he nonetheless bore for a lifetime.]

A bonus theory on Snape's unabashed haterism; he is not really interested in Harry because he's not interested in Lily's bloodline; she was always a future, and now that future doesn't exist, so James Potter gets to pass down his superb genes and superb pureblood privileges and superb legacy, while unremarkable inconsequential muggleborn Lily Evans dies as the wife of a pureblood bully and a scar on her son's brow.

[mooneggtarts]

Okay what I think about Alastor's mother and both her and Alastor's dynamic that affect him in general (PERSONAL HC)

Now, Alastor's mother; I don't think she's a shit mom, but I also don't think she's a "perfect angel" mom either. She's a mother with a lot of flaws of her own, either from her husband, the society's view in people of color, the year era they live in, or other things.

My thought is that she probably killed her husband when Al was in an age where he doesn't even remember his father's face, but remembers clearly of what his mother did to his dad. And she definitely tries to tell him that what she did was wrong and should not be put as an example.

("Why did you do it if it's wrong then?" "I... because I..have..to... your father isn't a good person sweetheart" kinda thing)

His father *could* actually be bad, which drove his mom to the point of murder, remember the *red* on his mother's hands and on the body laying motionless behind her. (For a moment, Al thinks that red might be his fav color)

Because again, where does Al's sudden murderous tendency come from? I kinda suddenly thought how "your parents are your first teachers" and stuck with that. There COULD be a possibility that she does it to protect him, amongst other things. But it has been stuck in my head for a while.

Having only interact and living his childhood mostly with his mother made him a gentleman and easily/perferably befriended the ladies.

Now about his bitterness towards men, well, I don't think he's *that* bitter with them, considering we knew that he and Vox *used* to hangout before things went south, not to mention his respect towards Zestial. I don't think he knows how to even get along *well* or be comfortable with most males considering, again, his mother being the only figure in his life thing, And well, most of the male cast seem to not really like him, or like him *too* much, or generally doesn't make a good first impression. 

Though I don't think it stems mainly on how his mother killed his father in either defense or resentment of how awful his father had treated her. But I suppose it does involve in some way.

Anyways, I don't think Al's mom really pay any attention to Al's struggle and mostly perhaps told him to just "suck it up" kinda deal during his childhood (Im projecting so hard in this). Cause I think, with him being a mixed, in the 19's on south? Definitely would experience some bullying or being pushed away by another group, kids nonetheless.

Even when Al got home with scars and bruises, his mom would just told him not to fight back, to just take it, cause if he fought back then he'll only make the situation worse, and told him to just endure it and wait, that one day things will get more bearable and perhaps something would change into his favor. Not wanting her son to turn violent like his father, and taint his hands red like her's. Not wanting him to change.

(I have a feeling that the more he grown, the more he feel how.. wrong it is? A slight feel of uneasiness. The feeling of captivation, The way he felt he was held back whenever his mother lovingly embrace him (as if not willing to see him change or grow, afraid of the unknown to who will he became, not ready to lose him if he did, cause she had lost the man she once thought would love her))

I also believe she has that mindset where "big boys don't cry" or "boys are suppose to be strong", which could largely explain Al to have a hard time in expressing his emotions and bottling or repressing them seem like the easier way (which, ofc, led to him unmanaged to properly expressing his emotions- and would be quiet defensive with it). And explained as to why he roughs up the male casts more than the females cause by his view, again, guys could handle a bit of a rough-housing better.

And so for years he had kept his mother's advice, enduring and just let them do whatever they want with him, bearing the loneliness, bottling up his frustration and sadness, forcing himself to keep on standing tall upfront.

But things changed after his mother's death. Things are more confusing for him.

Cause he can recall the pain- he *felt* the grief, the moment when he saw her finally kicked the bucket, but suddenly it's different when it was her funeral.

For some reason he felt numb- detached, for lack of better word. Which I suppose what bothers and confuses him. For how quick he got over her- DID he got over her? He's not sure, he deeply cared and respect her for taking great care of him for years, but he isn't *suppose* to move on so quick yes?

I think that's a whole worth of spiralling breakdown of questioning himself that will never gain an answer of.

Then the house are too empty and too big for him, the first time living without the presence of his mother. Somehow, it felt both uncomfortable and... relief?

Guilt settles in afterward. Somehow everything seems a lot more suffocating than how things are when she's still with him. Like hoping that her lingering shadow of a presence would accompany him, but he doesn't want it to be near him.

I think he'd shut down those kinds of thoughts, cause it disturbs his daily living, and do what he was best at. Repressing everything, ignore them. And just go on with his life pretending to be unbothered.

It bothers him because, he believes he cares for his mother. Loved her even. But there is a part at the back of his mind where he felt... free. Like nothing was holding him back anymore. And thats what bothers him. And I guess at some point, he feels like an ungrateful kid. Cause his mother has done nothing but the best for him, the only person that ever cared about him too. And here he is, feeling a bit of the weight on his shoulder shifted after her passing??? What is wrong with him? 

I feel like he's in denial how the way his mother been teaching him had been wrong, and would DEFINITELY be VERY MUCH REALLY defensive when someone call her out on how wrong she is. Cause she can't be wrong, he doesn't (want to) believe that she's wrong.

I feel like the moment he make his first kill in his human life, and I believe, that his first kill could be either someone that bullied him or some guy that harrassed someone else (my thought went to mimzy for a moment but it makes good sense for that could be how they first met)

And when he painted his hands red, a short flash of image of his mother's first murder as well, and it dawned on him. He had waited all this time, that fate will turn it's favor on him. For years he held back, in the end, the only way for things to turn, is if he *himself* change.

Feeling a strong surge of power like never before. Looking at the harrasser's fear induced face. It felt *good*. To be the *predator* instead. How the tables have turned.

Emotions running through his veins along with adreline, there was guilt that he had disobeyed his mother, there was hatred (which feeds his guilt) how much his mother has held him back from this, there was an overpowering sense of addictive of how much control and power he has in the situation for the first time.

And he finds himself unable to let go of the feeling. Wanting *more*.

I think at this point, he is willing to let go of the love that held him back, he loves his mother dearly, but he is unable to stop breaking every promises and lessons his mother taught him. By then, he hopes, that his mother would forget about him in wherever her soul went. He doesn't seem to mind if his mother doesn't love him anymore, he finds it better that way, she shouldn't be burdened by him cause there is no way he will stop.

He doesn't care if that made him unloved (Love is what holding him back in the first place, held him captive, making him doubt, making him hesitant, pressuring him), or that it made him into a monster. Because for once, despite him drowning too deep into the trench surrounded by his piling up hatred and rage against everyone that wrong him, he can breath.

He felt free.

[cillianmurphysdimples]

A Female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Sixty)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful and is all total bollocks.

Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Sixty: Y/N finds numerous things online that fuel her anxieties and self-hatred, but Cillian needs her to understand that social media doesn't get to dictate how or what their life together is. Y/N feels a little frustrated when working with Cillian in close proximity. She finds her voice and lets him know he always has the right to touch her. [Sexual Scene]

@cherrycilly @whatcjdidnext @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme @watermeezer @strangeions @borntodiemp3 @meadowshelby @lavender-haze-01

Thank you to @cillianssweet for your input!!

Speedy proofread, but no glasses so apologies for obvious typos.

It's three days after your engagement dinner that press outlets get their hands on the ‘story’ - evidently, Cillian being bundled into a taxi with his family whilst you stood on the road waiting made a good image in announcing that he was, indeed, engaged. Malachy had sent you numerous article links and Aran had found meme upon meme of a drunken Cillian. While the articles weren't bad, nearly every meme referenced Cillian's need to be drunk as he realises he's made a mistake in his decision to be with you. They weigh heavy on you, and piss Cillian off, but there isn't a whole lot that can be done to stop it. Despite the knowledge that nobody on the internet knows you two, the tension that those posts cause lead to numerous sessions of bickering and eventually, a low-budget row. Cillian wants you to ignore it, and he doesn't seem to understand that you can't. 

“It's alright for you!” You raise your voice, standing in the middle of the kitchen. “It isn't you they hate, Cillian. You can do no fucking wrong. But me? I'm a slut, a whore, a homewrecker. I got pregnant to keep you, I-I-I’ve trapped you. I've made you different and it's all my fucking fault!” 

He sighs loudly, standing a foot away from you, and shakes his head. “You know none of that is true.” 

“It's what they're saying, your fucking fans! I ruined your life and now I'm making you a Dad again when you don't deserve it. Ruining your life. Ruining your family. That's all I am to your fucking collective, and it's torture, Cillian! Our life isn't an open book, but somehow they still think they have the skinny on it all and their bullshit gets believed.” 

“Why is this my fault?” Cillian frowns deeply, and thrusts his arms out at his sides. “Y/N I don't think any of that, and if some person who doesn't know us, in some bullshit article, or on some twitter page thinks they do then why are we concerning ourselves with it? It's spunk, every word of it, so stop focusing on it.” 

“I can't!” You raise your voice louder. “People believe all of this ‘spunk’, Cillian! The scarlet fucking woman, that's me. Now you're trapped with the whore who ruined your perfect marriage because I'm pregnant. And you're the stand up guy who won't leave me. You were married, not me. You were the one who turned away, not me. So why the fuck are you Mister fucking Perfect, and I'm the homewrecking slut?” 

Cillian waves his hands in front of him at your words. “You're not - stop it. And I'm not fucking perfect. You are nothing like any of those people make out, and us arguing about this is not going to change the stupid fact that people will always fill in the fucking blanks with the bollocks they make up. I can't stop it, Y/N, but we don't have to fucking argue over this. I don't think any of that, or feel any of that, and I'm sorry I got so fucking drunk that night and it ended up being snapped. I'm sorry. I'm sorry they think it's gas fucking craic to make memes, I'm sorry they think it's okay to talk about you like that, to rake our life like that. But every word of it is wank, and we both know that, as does every fucking person who knows us. So stop it, stop blaming me, stop letting it sit in your head rent fucking free! And for the love of God, calm yourself down before you cause yourself a fucking problem.” 

You drag your phone from your trousers pocket and angrily scroll through. You can hear Cillian sighing and tutting, but you have a point to prove. “Right, listen to this and then tell me again to fucking calm down!” You snap. “TommyShelbysSaddle says ‘He deserves so much better, ngl we've all seen them show y/n comes after his divorce but I don't really think that's the story like lol look at her. Sees a man with money and fame and the next thing you know he's divorced and instantly is in a relationship with her, now she's pregnant and they're getting married too. What a masterplan y/n. She took him from his family. Gen z's here's your gold digger example.’.” you breathe raggedly as you look up from your phone and fix your eyes on Cillian. 

You can see by his face that he hasn't realised the depth of some of the online backlash. “Y/N…” he shakes his head. 

“If you say calm down, I'll castrate you with kitchen scissors.” You say with gritted teeth and lay your phone down onto the island counter. “It's insidious, Cillian. And it's been constant since yesterday when the pictures and articles were filtering out. Our baby girl will have access to things like this when she's old enough, do you understand that? Your sons are reading this now. And Aran's already rocky with how he feels about all of this. We can know all we like, know the truth, know the facts, but they're skating near the truth and they're also lying and both of those become….intertwined and become the truth.” You sigh heavily and place your hand across your stomach as the baby moves gently. “I'm supposed to be the happiest I've ever been right now, you know? Conventionally. A fiancé, a baby, the home we've made together…” you shrug your shoulders. “And all that,” you gesture at your phone, “It ruins it all.” 

“Ah stop,” he walks towards you, “Nothing is ruined if you don't let it fucking happen.” He says. “That shit is cruel, I can see that. And I hate that that is being said. But Y/N, it's bullshit. Delete the fucking social media and forget it. They don't matter, they're not in this house, this relationship, or this family. They don't fucking matter.” 

“They matter to Aran.” You say, fixing his sharp blue eyes with a firm stare. “He cares because he fucking knows.” 

“I'll talk to Aran.” He rolls his eyes. 

“You're passing it off,” you draw your lips in tight and shake your head. “Don't do that. Don't roll your eyes. You're not the kind of person to be horizontal on opinions, Cillian, so don't do it here. That's…I don't like it.” You huff. You slide your hand back and forth across your bump. Cillian places his hand against your belly too, along the side where you suspect Clíodhna's spine is curled, and he moves it slowly back and forth. “I want her to be proud of us, Cill. Happy, loved, proud, and…respected for who she is, not hated for this balls online.” 

“She will be.” He says with a serious face. “We'll make sure of that.” He moves his hand along your tummy, and you feel the baby move slightly. You watch his face for that expression he always makes, the expression you love, and despite the words between you just now it is there clearly. All the love, all the amazement. “Nothing but good for her,” he says quietly. “Because she deserves it.”

For two days, nearly three now, as Cillian works from the office upstairs beside you, you find yourself lost in thought. You're distracted from every task you're supposed to be focused on as you watch him working. The tiny little mouth stims he can't hold back, the glasses, the growing hair that flops onto his forehead and curls around his ears… you want him. And for some reason, he doesn't pick up on it. For two full work days, you try longing looks, sultry expressions, and even take your laptop to the sofabed to sit with him to work in the hopes he can smell the “I want sex now” pheromones pumping off your skin. But he doesn't. You've been more sexually driven your entire pregnancy, and he knows this, but as he focuses on calls, emails and god knows what with Enda, you're left with a building frustration as he misses every one of your silent signals. He hasn't instigated anything at the end of the last two nights, either, and now that you're sitting here again, nearing the end of a third, sexually frustrated day, you know you've got to just be blunt. 

“So,” you turn the office chair away from the desk and face Cillian, who is once again on the folded up sofa bed with his laptop on the table before him. He peers up momentarily, and his glasses are glinted with the screen light from the laptop. “Seeing as you're either blind or I'm shit at the come-on, I'm just going to be…open about it.” 

Cillian frowns, “What’re y’on about?” He smirks. 

“I'm horny! And you've been sitting there, with your joggers and your fucking face, for the last three days and you haven't so much as groped my boobs.” You say, and then you add a pout. Cillian's face is a picture. “Take me to fucking bed tonight and fuck me into the mattress before I start shopping on LoveHoney.” 

Cillian's mouth bobs open. “...I didn't…” 

You laugh a little, “I know you've been busy, I have too, but you haven't even initiated anything when we've gone to bed. Are you not feeling it, with the baby, or…?” 

Cillian shakes his head, “Oh, no, I'm fucking feeling it. You look…” he puffs out his cheeks. “It's just you've said you're so tired and I know you are, I didn't want…I just thought…” 

You shake your head. “I'm hornier than ever. Please, put the moves on. I'll tell you if it's not gonna happen, but I really don't think there's going to be a point where I say no at the end of the day. Just having you in the same room all day makes me want you. So please, for the love of all that is holy, do unspeakable things to me later. We'll find a way around….this.” you gesture both hands to your stomach. Your belly has continued to grow and you know there's going to have to be some amendments to positions. You're not sure doggy, though it is something you've been fantasising over, is ideal, and you know Cillian's preferred missionary is out as being on your back isn't exactly a good position these days. But the more you consider, the more you're turning yourself on, and you look at Cillian with a needy pout. “I don't care how we work it out, love, but if you're not inside me tonight I think I'll lose my mind.” 

For a moment he looks a little awkward, but then his left cheek dimples as he smiles lopsidedly. “So I've permission to take what I want, then?” His eyebrows rise and while his words sound a little domineering, you know it's playful.

“Always.” You smile.

Come evening time, you can see your earlier openness has had the desired effect on Cillian. As you shut down the house downstairs, ready to head up to bed, you don't miss his flushed cheeks, his frequent looks, or his constant reasons to touch or brush against you. It does nothing to calm your hormones, and you're so glad! Standing at the bottom of the stairs, as Cillian sets the alarm, you smile when he turns to you. 

“C’mon then, Murphy.” You grin, “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” He doesn't need a second green light, but giving it anyway makes you smile and, in turn, he smiles back. 

He steps closer and comes to a halt right before you at the bottom step. “You'd never leave me,” he smiles as he pushes his face close to yours. “Still…” he raises his eyebrows, kisses you softly, then smiles against your lips. “...not gonna risk it.” He says, then kisses you softly again. “To the bedroom…” kiss. “...completely naked…” kiss. “....and then we'll figure something out.” 

You smirk against his peppered kisses and place your hand against his stubbled cheek. Drawing back your head a little, you look back into his eyes. “Race you.” You grin, and turn to climb the stairs. There is no speed, there is no rush, but the want and need to be in bed with the man who is trailing you up the stairs is only growing stronger. 

The bedroom door is still wide open when Cillian reaches his hands out for you. Despite his request you go up and strip, he seems to want to take on that task himself. He paws at your shoulders to push off your cardigan, and no sooner has it left your arms are his hands at the hem of your t-shirt, dragging it up over your body, all the while his lips are hungrily dancing over yours. He breaks the kiss only to remove your t-shirt, and you smile as he only seems to realise at that moment that you're not wearing a bra. His hands immediately cup over your breasts, and he still seems to be amazed at how much bigger they've become at just over halfway through your pregnancy. He kneads his palms over the weight of your boobs as he kisses you again, and there is more pressure in it than before. You reach for his t-shirt and start to lift it by running your hands under it and up his back. He abandons your breasts and your mouth and tears the top over his head - there's a feverishness you hadn't expected, a haste to get to the main event, and while you're horny enough to find the hunger he has sexy, you hope this isn't the pace he intends to set for the duration. 

With the t-shirt gone, Cillian pauses for a second and smiles at you. His eyes are sex drunk and his cheeks are still flushed pink. “You okay?” He asks, and you wonder if it looks like you're not. 

You nod, and smile, and reach out your hands to cup his stubbly cheeks. “Perfect.” You say, and press your lips against his. 

He places both of his hands on your hips, but they don't sit there long. He runs them down over your backside, kneading your arse cheeks through the material of your jogger bottoms, and then draws his hands back up to push into the waistband and work them down. He pauses as he pushes your joggers to your mid-thigh, and you frown as he draws back his head and pulls a face at you. “Why are you wearing my boxers?” 

You'd forgotten, and you laugh - you're not sure if you're embarrassed or it's just funny. “They're comfy.” You shrug, your hands still on his cheeks. “I didn't fancy a thong, and my knickers go across my bum and it's just annoying.” You roll your eyes. “Not sexy now?” You ask with a smirk. 

He shakes his head in your hands, “Are you mad? That's so fucking sexy.” He pushes his mouth against yours again and the way he positions his hips allows you to feel his erection against your thigh. He wastes no more time, though, as the fever returns and he strips you both of any and all remaining fabric. Naked as the day you were born, he takes you in as you stand by the bed. You daren't tell him your thudding heart has made the baby move like she's playing football, for fear it'd halt all activities. “I've an idea…” he says, walking towards you. “Lie down, on your side.” 

You smile, “Gonna spoon me?” You giggle. 

“Best kind of spooning ever…” he says, and the thickness of his voice makes you throb. It isn't sexy to climb into the bed and get comfortable, neither is it sexy for Cillian to fumble around behind you. But, if you want what you want, you take what it takes to get there! The warmth of his body pressed up tightly behind you is amazing, and the feeling of his leaking erection prodding against your backside reminds you that you're as desperate for this as he is. 

He peppers kisses along your shoulders as his right hand roams over the side of your body, cupping your breast before sliding down your ribcage, over your hip, and down your thigh. He knows what he's doing, and your body reacts instantly with goosebumps over every limb. He brings his hand to your knee and pushes his hand under it. Curling his fingers around the back of your knee, he lifts your leg up into a bend. You plant your foot into the bed as he slowly smooths his hand back up your thigh. He moves his body closer, although there's barely a space between you, and his hard cock pushes against the cleft of your backside. That small movement closer, though, makes it easier for him to push his hand down along the inside of your raised thigh, along your groin and towards your vulva. Deftly, his fingers move around your lips then straight to your clit. Slow circles with his fingers and kisses moved to your jaw are a heady mix. You reach your right arm back and claw your fingers into his hair. He applies a little pressure with his fingers, still moving in slow and teasing circles, and you sigh breathly. You try not to focus on the increased movements of the baby and stay focused on the man pressed close and working hard. 

His hips rock against your arse, seeking his own teasing pleasure as he gives you yours. It's good - it's really good - but it isn't what you want. Taking your hand from his hair, you move down to wrap your hand around his. You know it turns him on, and the moan he makes is backed up by the twitch of his penis against your back. You can feel the sticky wetness of precum where he's nestled, and it only serves to make you want his neediness to be put to use. You draw back his hand from your body, and at the same time you roll your hips back against him. You're not going to say it - despite having begged for it earlier today - but you hope he gets the hint from your actions, and that the ‘fuck me now’ is implied well. 

He places his hand on your hip for a moment as he moves his body behind you, and then his hand disappears. For a moment, his hand returns to your body as he grips his fingers around the underside of your thigh, and then it's gone again. When you finally feel the insistent push for entry at the opening of your vagina, it takes all your comical restraint not to gasp ‘finally’ out loud. You can feel that he's trying to like himself up without being so base as to keep peering down at your nether regions. When you feel the head of his penis slide further, though, you reach back your hand and pull against his hip, letting him know he's where he should be. He shifts a little, moving his body a little further down yours to ensure he can stay where he should be, then he wraps his hand back around the underside of your thigh again as he starts to move his hips. 

It's as though you've finally felt cool air after being too hot, finally got a drink after waking up with a heavy thirst - his hard cock moving inside you feels that good, it truly feels like you're meeting a primal need. As he thrusts his hips forwards you awkwardly rock back, getting him in as deeply as you can. You shift your leg when he moves his hand, and while it's a little painful you can live with it as you plant your foot behind his legs, sort of trapping him between your body and your leg. He snakes his right hand across your hip and down between your legs, and while his rhythm with his fingers is altered by the strokes of his hips, he doesn't leave your clit without dedicated, pressured attention. 

It's intoxicating, to be treated to the double pleasure, and it draws a quick but intense clitoral orgasm that sends your walls into immediate spasm around his penis. It makes him moan, and he huffs those wet breaths of pleasure against your back. You nutter a string of fucks and shits and continue to fuck yourself back against him. The baby moves dramatically inside of you, and it's distracting, but you're desperate to keep this going and not allow it to make you feel too weird to continue. Cillian's hips continue to thrust hard against your backside, and the huffing, high-pitched sounds of his enjoyment are driving you wild. It's an odd position for him, you know, with his he has to place himself and the effort he needs to put in, but you can tell he's fucking enjoying it. You know it's working for him, as his kisses and huffs against your back become small nips against your skin as he hisses moaning hums that tell you he isn't too far from the finish line. You move your hips a little different, sort of rolling them rather than rocking, and whatever it does for him is clearly good as his sighs turn to mumbled curses. 

His hand has abandoned your clit, but you don't care. He's gripping your hip as he snaps his hips quicker, pulling you to him as he fucks hard up into you. “Fuck…fuck…” he says, and you reach back your hand to touch anywhere on his body you can reach. Your hand land somewhere around his lower back and he thrusts sharply as your nails dig into his skin. “Ah…yeah…” he mumbles, and then the high pitched signs return. They tumble from his tongue as he thrusts against you harder, pulling your body down to his pelvis. His cock jerks forcefully inside you and that feeling you love takes over your insides as he cums. Those sighs don't stop as his cock twitches twice more, emptying him of everything he's got to give. You push your nails in where your hand sits on his back. As the twitches stop he thrusts into you slowly twice, and for a moment you wonder if he's aiming for another round simply off the back of how intense he'd found it. But he doesn't. He pushes his chest in against your back as he lays kisses near your shoulder with his pillowy lips. He runs his hand up and down your thigh, but you know it's more that he's soothing himself through the last sparks of his orgasm more than being affectionate, and you don't mind at all. 

With a sigh, he carefully draws his hips back and the feeling of his body parting yours leaves you feeling empty. You almost feel emotional - a little unsatisfied - and you're not sure why. Had your horniness not been sated enough?! He lies on his back behind you and sighs breaths noisily until his breathing begins to settle. Even in his post-coital bliss, he seems to notice a difference in you. 

“Y'alright?” He asks, husky and sleepy sounding. 

“Yeah,” you say, and awkwardly shift about until you turn onto your right side to face him. It's on the tip of your tongue to ask for round two, but you know it's an unfair want. He's nearly forty-nine, and while he's fit and healthy, you know full well he isn't going to be able to fulfill that wish. Not yet, at least. You smile as he turns his head and looks at you. He's sweaty, and sated, and you love him more than ever. 

He sighs and laughs, “Okay, don't hold me to it, and don't judge me…” 

Frowning, you turn down the corners of your mouth. “Oh, God. What?” You can't even think what he might be about to admit. 

“I kinda wanna do it again.” He giggles childishly. 

You widen your eyes, genuinely shocked, but delighted if he's serious. “I'm game if you are.” 

.