#cause my mind fucking sucks
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#will delete later#yall i actually feel like im losing my mind#have really been fighting my depression the last couple days#it’s so fucking stupid cause i don’t even have depression#but i just recently like within this last week#lost the friendship i had with a couple of long term mutuals#who i kinda shared things with.#and now without them i have no one to talk to or support#and like i’m not blaming them it’s for their best#but i’m just considering if i should take up sh again just so i have an outlet#cause my mind fucking sucks#and tbh i can’t imagine myself happy in 5 years.#i know what i want but idk how to get there.#and i’m very fucking alone and hate myself and feel like i need to lock up my personality so no one can see
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Pokeymon
@ask-willowleafeon @ask-shiny-umbreon
#fuckkkk pokeask nostalgia got me by the throat. I can’t do this again Im not strong enough (does it anyway)#drawing eeveelutions is always fun Theyre so shaped. theyre up there on fav pokemon to draw right next to dratini. and maybe shinx#these two stick out to me in my mind just cause like. their designs are so good it kind of squishes my brain the right ways#I never got to draw Percy for an ask or anything but he is. very creature#and willow of course I have a soft spot for. shes so sweet and gentle uuhghhgghhhh I love her#fuck dude .maybe I will come back adhd be damned. I dont fuckin know. really tempting rn#I tell myself that but deep down I know I suck at roleplay. but maybe I’ll do it. but I suck at roleplay. etc#btw leafeon should be allowed to be autumn coloured without being shiny. it would fix me. I just want Some Guy dressed like a maple leaf#without the awe of being a 1/1000 chance. I don’t CAREEEEE gimme the crunchy red leaveeeesss#I also wanna draw Gardevoir with a barn owl face. and leafeon with seaweed leaves#aaahhhhggghhhhh clenches my fists#pokemon#pokemon ask blog#pokeask#others oc#ask-willowleafeon#ask-shiny-umbreon#Percy umbreon#willow leafeon#myart#my art#pokemon oc
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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"it's always hating on rhaegar for rhaenys and aegon's deaths never tywin" because rhaegar was their father and had a responsibility towards them that tywin did not, stay in school
#personal#anti rhaegar targaryen#fandom critical#like one it's because tywin's blame is very uncontentious#it's just everyone and their mother going 'yeah he ordered it' and agreeing that he sucks for it#i have my thoughts on tywin's culpability (mostly that i do believe he didn't mention elia if only cuz she never crossed his mind)#(as he's a raging misogynist and i do believe that he was annoyed that lorch and clegane were as brutal with children)#(since it's not the best pr)#but it never extends to a lack of culpability on tywin's part#meanwhile rhaegar stans (why does he have them? who knows couldn't be me i'm normal) wanna pretend like this isn't his fault#when it IS#he was elia's HUSBAND! he was rhaenys and aegon's FATHER! it is his JOB to keep them safe during a war HE STARTED!#rhaegar had a responsibility to do whatever possible to ensure the safety of the children he chose to bring into the world and their mother#instead of going off to fuck a girl the same age as most high school freshmen!#rhaegar chose to abandon his family to the care of his violently crazy and racist father#who he knew was violently crazy and racist#unless he was dumb as rocks he was not unaware that no matter what this was not going to end well for elia and rhaenys and aegon#but he did it anyway and that does make him culpable for what happened to them#he had a responsibility to all of them ESPECIALLY his toddler and fucking baby and he FAILED that responsibility#and it is his fault that they were murdered#that is on him#it is not solely on him it is also on aerys for not letting them leave the city even once the cause was doomed#and it's on tywin for ordering their deaths and on lorch and clegance for doing the killings#but it is ALSO on rhaegar not just for creating that situation but abdicating his duties to his family to be a fuckass predator#this is like sixth grade reasoning honestly#i think some of you are just incredibly stupid
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268 hours of vods to catch up on across 22 streamers... in just 4 days
#mine.txt#+ the non-streamers when their vids come out#gonna watch the streamers vids too ofc but theyre not as much of a priority unless they post about something not seen in their streams#genuinely would not mind if the lsers started doing lower energy style of episodic editing like oldgen mcytbers did#would honestly prefer it actually since its my preferred style cause im hashtag old#but i dont really expect any of them to do that cause artistic integrity + yt algorithim lol#at least more and more of them are getting vod channels now#watching vods on twitch fucking sucks#downside is cant see chat but whatever
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What’s the picky eaters AU?
just my little self-indulgent vampire au, that somehow, accidentally, not on purpose ended up being very focused on feeding mechanics. hence the stupid name.
#in the initial au planning stages i happened to get very attached to the idea of supremely fussy vampire baby dazai#food intolerances and pickiness are an essential part of the fussy infant package i think#so that led me to contemplate how blood could actually function as a food source#what factors might influence how it tastes#what nuances a creature that is specifically built to sustain itself on only blood might pick up on#atypical feeding habits (possibly caused by physical ailments or genetics)#nutritional value…#can you cook blood? artificially flavour it? add unregulated food dyes to make it glow in the dark?#…pickle it?#suck blood clots like candy#i don’t fucking know#just lots and lots of supernatural pseudo-biology#i’m not sure how much of that i can actually realistically convey through art#very questionable even when looking at pieces i drew with specific headcanons in mind#so to anyone else this probably looks like the most bog-standard vampire au one could possibly come up with#but in my heart this au is 95% about food
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Wanna write to escape crushing loneliness but I hate every word I put down :)
#shade speaks#vent#it’s tiny but for tags sake#I love living with a friend group that isn’t mine#super nice peeps but I am so lonely it’s not even funny :)#I feel like I’m left out of everyone’s lives :)))#someone put me out of my misery#I’m not even a side character at this point#I feel like a nuisance and I can’t even do anything#this stinks#whoever said college was gonna be the best years of my life#I didn’t believe you#and you’re a fucking liar#don’t mind me I’m wallowing on my blog lmao#also going home sucks cause my parents and I keep fighting lol#I just live far from everyone I know :(#and I don’t really have any friends up here#well I have four but they have their own lives u know#sigh
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something that's been weighing on my mind ever since learning about the situation with ezra / toonimal is seeing how these predators will take the active hostility that is frequently directed towards minors in online spaces to their advantage and use it to prey on vulnerable children. i think that we as adults in online fandom should probably come together and maybe rethink the language / manner we go about interacting with kids bc clearly the way things are rn is causing active harm.
like obviously, if you're an adult and aren't comfortable with minors interacting with you or your content, you should be allowed to set that boundary and should be vocal about it, ( especially if the content you create isn't safe for them to consume. ) but i don't think talking to them like they're a blight on all that is good and holy is the way to go about it. maybe just saying you're an 18 plus account will suffice, you don't have to tell them to fuck off.
#i'm opening myself up for ppl to leave the stupidest takes on this post but whatever i need to get this off my mind#before anyone says anything about the kids on that website. they're grooming victims. they're literally kids being taken advantage of#show them some fucking kindness and be understanding that they're the victims in this situation#idk what it is about becoming an adult that causes so many ppl to lose their empathy towards minors it's weird#like yeah kids can be annoying and pushy on online spaces sometimes but a lot of them are old enough to know online etiquette lbr#alot of us were annoying kids on the internet at some point we should understand that you don't just. get a handbook for how to act online#that's shit you learn overtime but ppl seem to forget that#they also seem to forget that talking down to kids isn't gonna teach them shit they're not gonna listen to you if you treat them like idiots#what i'm trying to say is that we really need to talk to minors more respectfully and maybe give them a little grace#( obviously there will be situations where some of them need to be yanked up by the collar but there's ways to go about that >>>#without treating them like shit )#these kids need to know that there's spaces for them to be online safely without having to stumble into places that'll pray on them#we all know how much it sucked to be a kid online we should want better for the ones coming in after us ya know#sorry if this comes across as preachy it just breaks my heart and boils me blood to see kids being taken advantage of like this#especially when there's ways to prevent it idk#how do i even tag this....#mj.txt#there's trigger warning on the linked post btw#tw csa mention
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worst thing about getting into bsd rn is my trusted sources telling me that the fanfic fucking sucks like ok WHAT am I supposed to do when I finish this then
#the main concern in my mind when watching smth is just the fanfiction it's true I will watch smth just for fanfic. suck it up#hella needs to write her dazai character study so I have smth good to read at the end of this WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THE FIC SUCKS#I gotta gauge how bad it is. I gotta ask her if it's bad cause SHE'S picky#(completely understandable as she's THE QUEEN of writing only things that he would absolutely fucking say)#or if it's like. completely unsalvageable. cause I tend to be more forgiving with fanon then some of my mutuals I think#I get annoyed with fanon but I have to bake in it first#I have to spend long months comparing and contrasting the most popular fics with my understanding of the characters#and my understanding of the characters also has to bake for months in analysis tumblr posts and shit#but like. immediately after finishing something? my range for what I'll believe he says is a lot wider#so I need to know if I can go in a fugue state week long garbage binge at the end of this or if the fics aren't even good enough for that#WHATS WORSE. WHAT'S WORSE. SHE SAID THE MAIN SHIPS ARE VERY NARINESESQUE#DO YOU KNOW HOW DEVASTATING IT IS TO KNOW SHE'D COMPARE THESE SHIPS TO NARINES. BUT THE FIC SUCKS???#I'm starved for narines I'm looking for substitutes AND THE BSD FIC SUCKS???
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therapy is out writing fanfic of your favourite pathetic wet man having the same issues as you do is in
#not equipped for rambling#gonna write an arthur lester fic to get some shit off my chest#that man has been through everything hes the perfect little ragdoll for my troubles#i havent written anything in months either so#i think itll be good for me#problem is i have a hard time remembering events and keeping them linear#so if i wanna do a chronological telling ill have to scour the malevolent wiki#the whole dreamlands thing is a blur in my mind#like. events in the story are just sections to me#i dont remember shit about fuck when it comes to the details#so im gonna have to research that#this is why i just kinda stopped listening to tma. names and events/dates are my adhd worst enemy i was so lost lmaoo#sucks cause i love the characters and premise too :[#anyway yeah
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lallalaallala my favorite boys
I feel like Hajime would be able to acknowledge his feelings at some point while fuyuhiko wouldn’t really try to come to terms with it until someone else says something about it
man, I love this ship so much actually. I can’t tell if I could call it a rare pair or a decently popular yet heavily overshadowed ship??? it has a decent amount of supports hiding in the corners of tumblr, ao3, and a very deep corner of tiktok but not many people know that it even exists, and to me this type of ship doesn’t sound that rare or anything.
#hajime hinata#kuzuhina#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#goodbye despair#art#hajime x fuyuhiko#it’s just a random ass doodle#I was gonna draw their arms linking closely in some sort of way#yet..#I’d have to make Fuyuhiko get on a stool for half of the positions in my mind for them#it’s sad how they both need so much fucking therapy and help#it sucks when someone says their least fav is Hajime cause ‘he’s boring’ and hate on him with no real reason#like….ohh the way I’d rant#also the way my blood boils when someone makes content of a ship and a person goes ‘so *insert character* doesn’t exist????’#like if you don’t ship that thing it’s completely okay!! but don’t bring another character into that lmao??#an art#kouzay’s art
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not to be that one its always sunny conspiracy board meme, but is the most recent excerpt you posted with macy's and sears and the goodbye kiss a part of the same ten-step guide how to kiss tom kazansky? there's one where maverick turns ice by telling him about the woman he hooked up with the night before and one where they drink wine from their hands at the beach - is the goodbye kiss another one that doesn't quite count? also please feel free to ignore if i should wait to see when this is posted in full
yes correct there are three sets of those, they are all months old at this point 😭
in the spirit of wip wednesday here’s one from the third set that i haven’t posted any excerpts of yet
we do a little prose poetry 🤪
#1st set is 1994-1996 2nd set (of which the home reno section was) is 2005-2007 3rd is 2018-#🤷🏽♀️#baby was going thru it in may. Needed to take some stress out on some good thick juicy second person italicized dialogue#why is heartrate red underlined i am gonna kms it should be one word#btw prose poetry is a joak for anyone who didn’t get that#i am joaking#this is just me sucking my own dick relentlessly (most of these extras are)#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#may 2023 was basically me just losing my mind over and over again & sometimes led to ideas como esto#‘huh! that’s weird!’ yeah that’s cause i was stressed out of my fucking gourd lol#same with the drinking wine out of each others hands LMAONFJSNDJD what the f#Are you guys getting sick of my size-11 single spaced cambria yet
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see no evil hear no evil speak no evil or something clever idk
Alt versions below:
#FUCK background dude#i was liking this art for so long and then the background and lighting ruined my life#we outta leave the light on cause the shadows fuckin suck#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#cj whole#cccc
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Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)
#cause like I feel like I’ve been blamed for wanting to make decisions without a partner in my mind#because I want to be able to do on trips or study elsewhere without having to factor in another person#*go#but honestly as long as I’m open about that and don’t get into a relationship and then ignore all the needs this person has#than it’s completely fine and valid and nothing is wrong with that#this still doesn’t feel fully right but having another friend think the same and me not believing they are in the wrong for that helps#just let me live#starrytalking#aromantic#asexual#aroace#queer#relationship#commitment#freedom#life#also not wanting to be committed to a romantic partner doesn’t mean not being able to connect with people#or not being able to be close and in a way committed in friendships#I love my friends a lot! but they also don’t demand me to be on a phone call with them every single fucking day of a vacation#or express that they wouldn’t be okay with me wanting to go on a vacation or internship far away for more than a few weeks because they#would just forget about me in a way?#like yes this is very directed at one person and I think I both misunderstood their point there and also they r valid in there needs and I#just didn’t realise I don’t actually want a relationship (with neither of us being good at communicating our needs and wants yay)#but this still sucked#and ofc my friends express that they’ll be sad about not seeing me for a while#but also I don’t feel like they want to lock me in a cage and control me every move because they express sadness without stopping me from#going. which the person I’m angry at also probably didn’t actually want but well their emotions sometimes got the better of them#and having needs in a relationship is obv valid but they have to be communicated and shouldn’t be controlling and I should’ve reflected on#what I want so just a lot went wrong but I’m learning a lot atm :)
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