#cause like 'oh i probably won't like this anymore in a week or something'

[beanarie]

i never wanted water once part 3

tommy is also breakup baking, prompted by my dear @sanguinarysanguinity

tw: mention of parent death, mention of child abuse

part 1

part 2

~

Gutierrez eyes him on his way out of the locker room. "Feel like no one ever sees you anymore. You coming back to the pickup game or what?"

"Oh." Tommy gives his damp hair one last rub from the towel. "I wasn't planning on it, to be honest. Too awkward."

Gutierrez frowns. "Why?"

"You know," Tommy says, wishing he didn't have to, "Eddie Diaz. I broke up with his best friend."

"Diaz hasn't shown in weeks. Probably got injured. You know how that crew is."

And that. Well. He and Eddie were friends. They became tight very quickly in a way Tommy hasn't experienced with many people. He shouldn't have thrown a connection like that away without at least trying to salvage it.

He sends a text, a polite, generic one asking about his welfare. Worst thing that can happen is Eddie tells him to fuck off and he's back where he started. He fully expects to be left on read.

He does not expect Eddie to tell him he's moving back to Texas because he's given up on his son deciding to come home. Eddie invites him to a pre-going away dinner at a bar and grill before he goes down South for a few days to scout out homes. And, no, absolutely not. But Tommy proposes getting a drink, just the two of them. Eddie very validly explains that he can't spare the time, since he's already started packing up his life and he's working overtime to save up for a down payment. Tommy gets it. He does.

The day after the dinner, Eddie calls him. "Hey, man. I know we're like two ships passing in the night, but I didn't want to leave without a proper goodbye. I still got some more shifts before I move for good, but the time will go by quick. We'll just stay on the line, okay? Keep me company while I go through my kitchen cabinets."

"It's good to hear from you," Tommy says honestly.

"So yeah." Eddie hums. "Why'd you do it?"

"Text you?" Tommy says. "I heard that-"

"Kinard," Eddie says, unamused.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"You just didn't seem the type to flee."

None of you know me as well as you thought you did, Tommy doesn't say. That's not fair to any of them. "I wasn't, in the past. Well, I tried not being that. A couple times. It didn't work out."

"Oh," Eddie says. "There it is."

"There what is?"

"You've got shit."

"Haven't we all?"

"Hey, I am not denying that." Eddie chuckles. "Do you plan on dealing with it, or letting it blow up every good thing you find until you die?"

"Jesus, Eddie."

"What's the point in mincing words? You did something dumb and destructive. What kinda friend would I be if I let that go without saying anything?"

"So what's the weather even like in El Paso? Does it ever get below 100?"

After a groan, Eddie lets Tommy talk about his shit, about Texas, parenthood, and chess clubs, for the rest of the call. Tommy can't say that he'll miss him. He missed him already and now he gets to continue doing so. All of this sucks.

Tommy tries his hand at gnocchi made with ricotta, lemon, and pepper that subsequently almost causes a fistfight during B shift.

Demetra favors him with a warm smile, taking in the large box in his hands. "Tom, right? Welcome! What's all this?"

"Tommy," he says easily, impressed she remembered his name at all. He hasn't been to this slightly dusty community center in five or six years. "Uh, this is garlic knots and mini calzones."

"Well, hey. You're even more welcome than before. Come take a seat."

December is a stupid time to rejoin group, many of the participants close to the edge from a cocktail of seasonal depression, missing dead loved ones, and generalized loneliness. Tommy knew it would be like this going in. He counted on it. Everyone will have so much to say that there likely won't be any time for him to open his mouth. He's not ready to spill. It will help to just soak in the atmosphere of unashamed honesty for a while.

At his third meeting, Cal, a slender guy in his mid twenties with a curly mohawk, keeps bringing up his mother. "She never wanted me to enlist," he says, "and now that I'm back home and struggling, she can't stop being all 'I told you so' morning, noon, and night. She never says it, but she is thinking it."

"Is she?" Tommy finds himself asking. "Or are you putting something on her that isn't there?"

"Maybe so." Cal pops one of Tommy's fried ravioli in his mouth and chews thoughtfully. "I don't know, I should probably give her a chance, think first about what she's actually saying before I react. But it's hard in the moment, you know?"

"Tommy?" Demetra says a minute later, making him feel like a kid being called on by the teacher. "How's your relationship with your mom?"

"Nonexistent. She died when I was fifteen." He crosses his ankles. "Fell asleep in the car on our way back from an away game and we couldn't wake her up. Heart attack."

Demetra frowns sympathetically. "That must've been hard for a kid to witness."

"I've seen so much worse since then. People shot in the head by machine guns, people covered in burns over most of their bodies..."

Demetra shakes her head slightly. "They weren't your mom."

He ducks his head, pressing his lips together. "True. It's just- That's not- It's not trauma. I don't fear falling asleep and not waking up."

"What do you fear?" Cal asks.

Being left, being hurt, being validated in his belief that no one will ever see him for all he is and choose to stick around. "Standard stuff, really. Clowns, taxes, drivers on the freeway."

He gets a pity laugh, a groan or two, and one outright glare. "Okay, okay." He exhales loudly. "Ending up alone by someone else's choice rather than mine."

"So you're cool with being on your own, as long as you're the one keeping everyone away," Cal says.

God, that sounds idiotic. "Yes?"

"You prefer it like this?" asks a woman about his own age wearing a green bomber jacket.

He shrugs. "It's not ideal, but as far as worst case scenarios go, it's okay. It's fine."

"It's spineless," says a gray-haired man with a Desert Storm hat.

Tommy doesn't flinch. "Yeah, that's kind of an inherent character trait. I keep thinking I got it licked, then it shows up wearing another face. Scared of my dad, so I joined the army and became someone he couldn't hurt anymore. Scared of people knowing I was gay, so I waited to come out until I was surrounded by brand new people. Scared of my boyfriend leaving, so." He pushes at the skin above his knees, kneading it. "So I left him first."

"You fall back," says Bomber Jacket. Her name is Annie or Angie. She has conflicted feelings about dating a man with kids. "It's easy to stop being scared when the thing that scared you is far away."

He hears Eddie. You just didn't seem the type to flee.

Demetra holds up a hand. Tommy's face must be doing something concerning. "No one here faults you for what you did to survive. Is it still serving you, is the question, or is that just what you're used to?"

He doesn't bake when he gets home. He drinks half the beers in his fridge and does a shockingly efficient job of cleaning his house, while drafting and deleting twenty-seven different texts. He then wakes up the next day, and goes to the pickup game.

Gutierrez scores four rebounds on him and doesn't shut up about it for the rest of their next shift. Tommy grumbles, and talks shit, and promises he won't have much to brag about next time.

[nomonit]

Just because it's a hyperfixation that probably won't last long doesn't make it any less significant

Just because it's a hyperfixation that probably won't last long doesn't make it any less significant

Just because it's a hyperfixation that probably won't last long doesn't make it any less significant

[bossbtch1]

Hi there 🫶🏻

I read Shadow of the past and it was awesome oh my god!!!

If you are taking requests, I have actually two prompts that I would love to see it, written by you 🥹

1- just a smut, pure smut, lovely smut. Bucky being an angry dom, frustrated coming to home and giving his frustration on female reader

and he's to obsessed and rough that reader need to you safe word, and then its a bit angst, cause Bucky feels terrible, but fem Reader reassures him that everything is okay 🥰

2th prompt in next ask 👁️

A Bad Day

Summary : Basically "you pissed me out, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you."

Pairings : Bucky x F!Reader

Words : 5,7k

General Tags : NSFW, Smut, 18+

Tags : Angst, Hurt, Comfort, P in V, Unprotected Sex, Safe Word, Bucky is a dom, Choking, Spanking, Angry sex, After care, Make up sex, Shower sex, Slight Handjob, Fingering, Playful Banter, Fluff at the end

A/N : Hi, thank you for the request. While this still leans into the smutty side, I've woven in some plot and fluff to enhance the overall experience. Enjoy!

My masterlist

It was one of those days. When you could tell Bucky was stressed about something, but wouldn't tell you what it was. You knew not to push him, but you wished he'd talk to you instead of keeping it bottled up.

You were sitting at home watching a show on Netflix, while you waited for him to get back. It was almost 10 o'clock. You'd made dinner earlier, but since he hadn't eaten it yet, you had put the plate of food in the microwave. It was probably cold by now, but you were sure he was hungry and would eat it anyway.

It had been days since he talked to you. You missed his voice and his touch. But the way he had been treating you lately was making you angry. You knew he was stressed and needed to be left alone, but you needed attention too. You couldn't remember the last time he'd kissed you. The last time he'd told you he loved you.

When you heard the front door open and shut, you stood from the couch and walked to the kitchen. He was just taking his coat off.

"Welcome home," you greeted, leaning against the counter.

"Hey," he mumbled, hanging his coat up and walking past you to the microwave. He grabbed the plate of food and pulled it out, before grabbing a fork. "Thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome." You watched as he sat down at the table and started eating. "Are you okay?"

Pausing mid-bite, he raised an eyebrow and met your gaze. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. You've been a little distant lately," you mentioned, making your way over to the table and taking a seat across from him.

"I'm fine," he replied, before shoving another forkful into his mouth.

"Are you sure? Because you've been acting differently," you pointed out, as you looked at him, studying his expressions.

He put his fork down and let out a deep breath. "Look, I'm not really in the mood for this. Can we just drop it?"

"Drop what? I'm worried about you," you expressed, leaning in slightly.

"I'm fine," he said with a hint of irritation in his tone. "I don't want to talk about it."

A moment of silence hung between you two as you looked at him. "Do you want to talk about us? About how you've barely talked to me for the past week? Or about how I haven't gotten so much as a kiss or an 'I love you' from you?” You paused, your words lingering in the space between you. "Is that something you'd like to talk about?"

"Jesus Christ, what's your problem?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"I don't have a problem. I just miss my boyfriend," you said, trying to keep the hurt from your voice. "I don't even know what's going on with you anymore. You won't tell me. It's like I don't matter to you."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.

"Well, I want to," you shot back, crossing your arms.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm stressed? That I don't have time for anything other than work right now?” He looked at you with frustration. “Do you want me to admit that I'm a fucking failure? That I'm a piece of shit for not being able to give you the life you deserve?"

You blinked at him, stunned at his action. "Bucky-"

"Don't," he snapped, standing up. His fork clattered as it hit the table, the sound echoing through the apartment. "Don't give me the sad eyes."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are! You're pitying me," he yelled, the frustration in his voice escalating. "Why don't you just step away so I can have some damn peace during my dinner?" His outburst echoed in the space.

"Fine," you declared, rising from your seat. "If that's how you want to be, then I'll leave you alone."

"Fine." He crossed his arms defiantly as you walked past him, heading toward the bedroom.

You slammed the door behind you and flopped down on the bed. You felt tears welling up in your eyes and you tried not to cry. You were pissed off at him.  You started scrolling through your Instagram feed, hoping to take your mind off of Bucky and whatever he was going through. You'd never seen him act like this before. Normally he would vent to you or you would talk him through it. He'd never completely shut you out before.

After a few minutes, you heard the microwave again. Bucky was heating up more food. You continued looking through your phone, until you heard him walk into the bedroom. You locked your phone and set it down, sitting up. You were expecting him to start undressing and getting ready for bed, but instead he walked over to you and grabbed you by the arm.

"Buck," you exclaimed, surprised by his actions. "What are you doing?"

"You want me to act like myself?" he asked, his hand tightening around your arm. "You want me to talk to you and be affectionate?"

"Yes," you answered, not knowing where this was going.

With an abrupt pull, he brought you to your feet. "Well, this is how I'm going to treat you."

Before you could ask what he meant, he threw you down onto the bed, causing you to let out a squeal. "Buck, what the hell?"

He didn’t answer and got on top of you. His hands held your wrists against the bed and he leaned in to kiss you. The kiss was hard and demanding. He forced his tongue into your mouth and began exploring.

When he finally pulled away, he looked into your eyes. "Bucky... we can talk about this..."

"No, Y/N. I want to fuck. I want to take my anger out on you. Will you let me do that? Will you let me fuck you like an animal?" he asked. He had never been this rough. But you couldn't deny how aroused it made you. You could feel your panties getting wet. “I’ll show you the real me.”

"Yes," you breathed out and braced yourself.

He grabbed your wrists and pinned them down above your head. His body was hovering over yours. "I'll give you a safe word. How about 'peach'? Say it and I'll stop."

"Peach?" you questioned.

"Say the word and I'll stop," he repeated, before crashing his lips onto yours.

The kiss was sloppy and harsh. He bit your bottom lip hard, pulling a cry from your lips. It felt like he was trying to suck the breath out of you. You felt out of breath when he finally pulled away. He moved his hands away from your wrists, but you kept them in place.

He brought his right hand down to your throat and lightly pressed his fingers into your flesh. You moaned at the feeling and he began to squeeze. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it was definitely making it harder to breathe. You could feel the pleasure building in your lower stomach.

You had never explored breath play. You didn't think it would do much for you, but this was incredible. He knew exactly how to make it feel amazing. Your eyes fluttered shut and your body started to writhe against the bed.

He finally released you and you sucked in a deep breath. He sat up and grabbed the waistband with both hands. With a quick yank, he ripped them right off of your body, revealing your bra underneath. Your eyes widened in shock. "Buck, what the -"

"Shut up," he growled, as he moved his hand and began unbuttoning your pants. He yanked them down, along with your panties.

He quickly pulled off his shirt, pants, and boxers. His hard cock sprung free, precum leaking out of the tip. "Hands and knees, now," he commanded.

"Bucky -"

He gripped your chin tightly. "What did I say? I said hands and knees," he ordered, voice thick with arousal. "Don't make me repeat myself."

You swallowed hard, and nodded, doing as he said. You raised yourself on all fours as he moved behind you and grabbed your hips. He smacked your ass, causing you to jump. "Don't move," he said, his metal hand moving to wrap in your hair and tug making you cried out, and he pushed your face into the mattress.

You could feel his hand rubbing your pussy. Then his fingers were pushing inside you. "Look at you, all ready for me. So wet. I'm going to fuck you so hard. I'm not gonna hold back. I'm going to fuck you like you deserve to be fucked. Do you understand me?"

You could hear him spitting and then he was thrusting inside of you. "Ah, fuck," he groaned, as he bottomed out. He held onto your hips tightly, and didn't give you a moment to adjust. His fingers dug into your hips and he began pounding into you. "Is this what you wanted, Y/N?"

"Yes, yes," you moaned. He began fucking you harder, his hand leaving your hair and moving to your back. He pushed down, arching your back as his cock filled you again and again.

His flesh hand left your hip and he slapped your ass, hard. You whimpered at the pain, the sting of the slap turning to pleasure. Your eyes closed as his cock stretched you over and over. He slapped your ass again, his flesh hand gripping your hip again. He was pounding into you relentlessly now, his pace unrelenting. You gripped the bed sheets, his cock hitting that perfect spot.

"I can feel your pussy getting wetter. You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he asked. He was thrusting in and out of you hard. He was rougher than he'd ever been before. It almost hurt, but there was something else there. It was pleasure and lust. You liked the way he was using your body. "Such a tight little pussy," he grunted, as he rammed into you.

He held you still as he fucked you hard. You could hear him grunting and moaning, and the sound was so erotic, it made your pussy throb. You tried to keep your voice down, but you couldn't stop yourself from crying out.

"That's it, baby. Let me hear you. You want me to fuck you like this? You want me to make you scream? You like when I pound your little pussy?"

"Yes! Please!"

He wrapped his hand around your neck and started pulling you up against his chest. You could feel his cock slamming inside you, and it felt amazing. "Remember to use the safe word, if it's too much."

You looked at him over your shoulder. His face was flushed, and his pupils were dilated. He had a wild look in his eyes, and the sight made your heart beat faster. His pace was relentless. He was like a wild animal, his body slamming against yours. You could feel the pressure building up inside of you.

Your fingers curled around the sheets and you whimpered. He reached around, and pressed his metal fingers against your clit. You jolted and gasped. He didn't stop moving, even as he rubbed circles against your bundle of nerves.

He was thrusting harder and faster, and the feeling was so incredible, you started screaming. You were getting louder and louder, and the sounds coming out of you were animalistic. "Are you close, baby?" he asked.

"Yessss," you hissed.

"Come on, baby. Cum all over my cock. I want to feel your pussy clenching around me." he demanded, his voice gravelly.

His words sent you over the edge, you could feel the tension in your lower stomach and then the flood gates were open. Your orgasm hit you hard, your pussy clenching around him. He gripped your hips and kept pounding you until you were a trembling mess.

You collapsed onto your forearms, unable to hold yourself up anymore. Your orgasm had made you weak.

"Turn over," he ordered, pulling out. You obeyed, moving so that you were lying on your back, legs spread for him. He moved back in, pushing your knees up until they were almost to your shoulders. He entered you again and began pounding into you, his hips slamming against yours. You could feel him hitting all the right places.

He was groaning and moaning. He grabbed your throat and squeezed. You gasped for air and the lack of oxygen heightened your pleasure. "I love this. You're so beautiful when you're gasping for air," he groaned.

He didn't stop thrusting, his hips rocking in a steady rhythm. Your pussy was clenching around him, and he grunted in pleasure. "Your pussy feels so fucking good."

You were starting to get light-headed, and he finally released your throat. He moved his hands to your thighs and spread your legs open wide. You were panting heavily, and he leaned down and kissed you. The kiss was softer than the previous ones, and his tongue gently slid into your mouth.

Bucky kept fucking you harder and harder. He was like an animal. He was using you for his own pleasure. You closed your eyes, the sensation was overwhelming. Your mind was swimming with thoughts and feelings. You were completely at his mercy.

"Look at me." he ordered while cupping your cheek.

You opened your eyes and gazed up at him. He was looking down at you with a mixture of lust and admiration, his pupils dilated and his eyes dark. “Keep your eyes on me while I'm fucking you." he grunted, as he thrust into you again.

You nodded, your breath catching in your throat. He had such control over your body. He knew just how to move his hips, how to angle himself so he was hitting the spot that would make you see stars.

His hand then was squeezing your breast. You moaned and arched your back. He squeezed and massaged your breasts, and you felt your nipples hardening. You moaned as he pinched your nipple.

"Your tits are so perfect, baby. I could play with them all day." he said as he lowered his head and took your nipple in his mouth. He flicked his tongue over it, and you gasped. He sucked on it, his teeth grazing over it. You felt your pussy tighten around his cock making him groaned.

"Gonna come for me again?", He continued touching and teasing your breasts, and the sensation was incredible. He pinched your nipple between his teeth, and the pain mixed with pleasure, was so intense, you screamed.

You nodded. You were close. So close.

He grabbed your chin, holding you still as his hips moved against yours. "I can't hear you."

"Yes, I'm gonna come again," you cried, your body arching against his.

"Good," he breathed. His fingers moved to rub against your clit.

You moaned loudly, your hips moving against his hand. "Oh god, baby, I'm so close. Please make me come, please," you begged.

He rubbed your clit in slow circles, his cock pumping into you. You could feel your orgasm approaching and you closed your eyes. "Look at me," he growled, his voice harsh. Your eyes flew open and you stared at him, panting.

"I'm gonna -" you broke off as your orgasm hit. You screamed, your body arching against his as he continued his relentless pace, drawing it out as long as he could.

He moaned, his hips jerking erratically. He was close. You could feel it. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "Oh fuck." he groaned, and with one last thrust, he came. You could feel him filling you up, and you cried out in pleasure. He kept thrusting into you, as you both came down from your high. He collapsed on top of you, and you could feel him softening inside you.

He collapsed on top of you, his breathing ragged. Your heart was pounding, and you were pretty sure your soul had just left your body. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips before he rolled off of you and lay down beside you. "Shit, doll, I've missed that," he sighed.

You laughed, as Bucky slowly moving to lay your head on his chest. His flesh hand stroked your hair. "So have I, Buck."

You both lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes. You could feel his heartbeat begin to return to normal, as yours finally did. "Are you okay, doll? Was I too rough?" he asked.

"No." you said breathlessly, kissing his chest. "You were perfect."

“Are you really okay? I’m sorry if I was being too rough, I-”

Cutting off his words with a lingering kiss, you pulled away with a smile. "I have a safe word, remember? If I didn't like it, I would have used it," you assured him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry, doll. You know I’d never hurt you right?”

"I know," you whispered, your fingers tracing patterns on his skin. You felt another sigh escape him, and you could sense his relief. "It's okay. You don't need to apologize. I'm the one who wanted you to act like yourself."

"But I shouldn't have taken it out on you." He sat up, cupping your cheek with a gentleness that contrasted with the intensity of moments ago. "You deserve better than that."

"Hey," you whispered, placing your hand over his. "You were just frustrated. It's okay. I know you'd never hurt me."

"But -"

You silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips. "I'm fine, Buck. And we're okay," you reassured him, looking him straight in the eyes, making sure he could see you were telling the truth.

"Thank you. For everything." He kissed you softly.

You pulled him back down onto the bed and cuddled up to him. You laid there, enjoying each other's warmth. You felt like things were finally going to be okay, as if the storm had passed and left a calm in its wake. Bucky then broke the silence. "It was a rough mission.”

"I can tell. Wanna talk about it?" you asked, your fingers playing with his hair.

He sighed, and you could feel him tense up slightly. "Hydra." He said the word like it felt a bitter taste in his mouth. "There was a group of Hydra agents. I recognized one of them."

"One of the agents?"

"He was my handler, for a while." He looked at you, and you saw pain and fear in his eyes. "He was a bastard. He was always the one to do the worst experiments on me."

"That explains the anger," you sighed. "I'm sorry. It must have been hard to see them again."

"It was. It still is." He closed his eyes. "I hate that he's out there. And it's my fault. I should have captured him. But instead, I let him get away."

"How did that happen?” You tried to comfort him, but you didn't really know how to help him with his emotional pain.

"He managed to escape, and I couldn't let him get away. I had to bring him in. So I chased him." He took a deep breath, and you could feel him trembling slightly. "We fought, and I was winning. Then, I got a call from Sam. The team was under attack."

"And you had to choose between saving the team and capturing that son of a bitch?" You felt bad for him.

He nodded. "I chose the team. The Hydra agents escaped, but the team is safe."

You kissed him, gently. "Bucky, that was the right thing to do. The team needed your help, and I'm glad you were there for them. That man, he's not worth your guilt."

"But I let him get away. And if he gets away, he'll be able to continue his work." You could tell Bucky regretted that a lot, his eyes were filled with pain and regret.

"It's not your fault. You chose to save your team, and that's what matters." You sat up and put your hand on his chest. “Buck, I promise. I know you can't forget what happened, and I would never want you to, but don't let the past ruin your future. He may be free now, but that's only temporary. We'll catch him, and all the other bastards. You're the most capable person I know. I trust you."

He didn't look convinced, he played with your hair not looking straight to your eyes, "Hey, look at me." you cupped his face. "I know me just being beside you won’t help much, but let me try to help ease your worry… talk to me whenever you’re facing hardship. We’re a team remember?”

He smiled at you, "I know, sweetheart.” He went up to pulled you into a kiss, his hand slowly went to your neck as he deepened the kiss. "Thank you, doll. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

"I try." You smiled and kissed his nose.

"I'm gonna get a shower. Do you wanna come with me?" He asked.

You nodded and let him lead you to the bathroom, he was still holding your hand from when he had been dragging you out of bed.

Bucky pulled you into the shower as he turned the shower on, but the surprise of cold water made you yelp. "Cold!" you complained.

"Sorry, doll." He quickly adjusted the temperature, and as the warmth enveloped you both, he stepped under the spray, pulling you in with him.

You giggled. "We should have checked the temperature first."

He chuckled. "Yeah, we should have." You both laughed as the water warmed you up. "Better?"

"Mhmm, a lot better." You smiled and affectionately kissed his cheek.

He grinned and you went to grabbed the shampoo. "Here, let me help."

"Sure." You let him take the shampoo bottle.

Bucky squeezed some onto his hands and gently rubbed his hands in your hair, his fingers were massaging your scalp as he washed your hair. "How's that feel?"

"Really nice. You can do my hair every day." You grinned.

"I'll keep that in mind." He smirked and kept washing your hair. His hands moved gently, and you relaxed under his touch. You moaned as your eyes fluttered close. Bucky chuckled, "I think someone likes her scalp massaged." He teased, his fingers moving across your head.

"You're really good at this." You murmured, you were in heaven.

"Does it?" He asked, his fingers working on getting the soap out.

"Yeah, I love your hands." You moaned. "You're so good with your hands."

He laughed. "I've been told that many times."

Opening your eyes, you caught the cheeky grin on his face. "I'm sure there are other things that your hands are good at."

He grinned wider. "Why don't you tell me about those?" His playful tone invited your banter.

"Well," you started. "If I recall correctly. Those hands can make a girl orgasm like nothing else." You purred.

"Really? I thought it was my cock that did that." He smirked and rinsed the shampoo out.

You moaned, his fingers were still working their magic. "Oh no, it's definitely the hands."

"Maybe I need to check your theory," he mused. "Is it just the hands or is it something else that could be done to you?" He asked with a playful glint in his eye.

"I don't know." You moaned as his fingers found their way further down. "But you might have to experiment. For science."

"I might just have to do that." Bucky's hand wrapped around the back of your neck and pulled you into a hungry kiss. Your hands tangled in his hair, and you kissed him back. He pushed you up against the wall and ground his hips against yours, his hardening length sliding over your clit.

"Fuck, I need you, Bucky." You whimpered.

"Not yet, doll" He smirked. "I need to wash your body first." He grabbed the soap and rubbed it between his hands to create a lather. His hands started rubbing all over your body.

You sighed in bliss as his hands glided over you. The soap made it even more enjoyable as his hands slid across your body. "Turn around." He murmured and you did as he asked.

"Good girl." He said as his hands glided over your shoulders, he slowly massaged the soap into your skin and moved down your back. His hands moved further down and gripped your ass, his fingers digging into your soft skin.

"Your ass is so amazing." He said.

"Why, thank you." You grinned. "Yours is pretty spectacular too." You looked over your shoulder and winked.

He smirked. "You like my ass?"

"Hell yeah, it's gorgeous." You smiled.

He laughed. "Good, I like yours more."

He moved his hands to the front of you and cupped your breasts. He squeezed them and his thumb and forefinger rolled your nipples. You arched your back and pressed your ass against him, feeling his hard cock between your ass cheeks.

"So responsive." He chuckled and moved his hands down. "Lean against the wall."

You did as he asked and leaned against the wall. He moved one hand around your waist and the other went down your body and rubbed between your thighs. "Fuck, Bucky. I need you." You moaned.

"Hmm, you're so wet already, doll." He asked as his finger slid between your folds and rubbed over your clit.

"Always wet for you." You replied, his fingers rubbing against your clit making your breath hitch.

"Damn right." He added another finger and his thumb found your clit. He circled the bundle of nerves as his fingers pumped in and out of you.

You moaned and rocked your hips, trying to get him to go faster. "Please, Bucky."

He kissed your shoulder and then bit down, his teeth grazing over your skin. His fingers pumped harder and faster, hitting that perfect spot. "Fuck, Bucky. You're going to make me cum." You cried out.

His other hand left your breast and moved up to grip your throat, squeezing slightly. "That's the idea, doll." He said in your ear.

Your breathing became erratic, and you felt yourself getting close. "Bucky..." You whimpered.

"Yeah, I've got you, doll." He said, his fingers still pumping. "Come for me."

Your hips bucked as his fingers continued their assault. "Ah, fuck! Fuck, Bucky!" You screamed as your orgasm ripped through you. Your legs almost gave out, but Bucky's arms kept you upright.

"That's my good girl." He cooed, his fingers slowing their movements.

"Bucky..." You moaned, trying to catch your breath. Your hand went down to stroke his cock making him groan. You turned your head and looked at him closing his eyes and moaning at the feeling of your hands on him.

"You're gonna be the death of me, Y/N." He said as you pumped him.

You chuckled. "You know you love it."

He groaned. "Yes, I do." He looked down and watched as your hand moved up and down his length. "Fuck." He stopped your hand, "You're going to make me cum, and I want to be inside of you when I do."

"Well, what are you waiting for then?" You grinned and turned to face him.

"I was being a gentleman." He smirked. He pulled you into a searing kiss and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Your fingers were tangling in his hair and his hands were on your waist, he lifted you up and pushed you up against the tiled wall. You gasped and broke the kiss. "Fuck, yes." You moaned.

"Hold on to me." He said, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. He grabbed his cock and lined himself up with your entrance. He slowly slid into you, his eyes never leaving yours. You moaned and threw your head back, enjoying the feeling of him inside of you.

"You feel so good, doll." He said.

"So do you, baby." You whimpered.

He began thrusting his hips and you cried out. "Harder!" You moaned. His hands held you up and he started to thrust into you. "Is this what you wanted?" He asked, his voice low and husky.

"Yes! Oh god, yes!" You moaned, he was hitting all the right spots and it was driving you crazy.

"That's my good girl. Let me hear you, doll." He grunted.

You were panting and moaning loudly as he thrust into you. Your eyes closed as you focused on the feeling of him inside you. His cock was hitting the spot that made your toes curl.

"Fuck, Bucky! Right there!" You screamed.

"That's it, baby. Take my cock." He growled. His hands tightened around your waist as he slammed into you. You put your hands around his neck and held on as he fucked you.

"Shit, I'm close, baby." He said, his hips were still moving and his cock was slamming into you. "Come with me, Y/N."

Your walls started to flutter and you felt yourself coming undone. "Oh fuck! I'm gonna cum!" You cried out.

Bucky groaned. "That's it, doll. Cum for me."

You screamed his name as you came hard. Your walls clamped down on him and your nails dug into his skin. He cursed and followed after you. "Fuck, Y/N." He thrust into you a few more times and came inside of you. His hips still moving as he rode out his orgasm.

He gently put you down, but kept his arms around you to hold you up. You were panting, trying to catch your breath.

"I fucking love shower sex." You grinned.

Bucky laughed. "I can tell. That was fucking hot." He kissed you, his tongue slipping into your mouth and dominating the kiss.

"Mmm, that was so good." You sighed, resting your head against his chest.

"Yeah, it was." He smiled and stroked your hair. You closed your eyes and relaxed against him. "You okay, doll?"

"Hmmm, yeah." You said. "I'm all clean, but you aren't. Come here."

You grabbed the shampoo and squeezed some into your hand. You massaged the shampoo into his hair and he groaned. "That feels so good, doll."

You giggled and continued to wash his hair. "I'm glad."

"Give my back some attention," he requested, and you eagerly complied, taking your time to wash his back, relishing the tactile pleasure of the soap meeting his skin. You enjoyed the feel of his muscles under your fingertips.

"There. All clean." You beamed with satisfaction at the completion of the task.

"Thanks, doll." His smirk reflected a playful appreciation for your efforts.

"Anytime, baby." You responded with a teasing affection.

"Let's get out of here before we get cold," he suggested, breaking the cozy spell of the shower. You agreed, the warmth of the water now juxtaposed with the cooler air outside the shower enclosure. You stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around your body.

"I love it when you're all wet." Bucky said, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you.

"You're so corny." You giggled.

"Yeah, but you love it." He smirked.

You rolled your eyes and walked out of the bathroom, grabbing a fresh pair of clothes from your dresser. You put the towel back and dressed in your new clothes.

He led you back to the bedroom, and you got dressed. "I'm really sorry, doll for snapping at you earlier."

"It's okay, Bucky." You smiled and gave him a kiss.

He frowned. "No, I was a dick."

"Well, that's not new." You playfully teased, giving a bit of humor into the moment.

He chuckled. "True, but I was an extra big dick."

"So, I should have you measured?" You quipped, a mischievous smirk gracing your face.

"You've been spending too much time with me." He shook his head, appreciating the banter.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." You teased.

"No, not at all. It's just you're becoming more like me." He laughed, but the levity faded as he grew serious. "I don't ever want you to be like me. You're a good person, Y/N, and I don't want you to become jaded and bitter."

"Bucky, it's okay. I know you're trying to be better. You're changing for the better. And if we're both together, I'm sure that we'll keep each other on the right path." You told him.

He gave you a smile and a kiss. "That's my girl."

A blush tinted your cheeks. Despite the time you'd spent together, compliments from Bucky still sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"I'm sorry for keeping all of this from you," he admitted, his gaze carrying the weight of his confession.

"I get why you did. But it's not easy for me to see you like this and not be able to help. You are the person I care most about, and I don't like seeing you hurt," you confessed.

"I know. And I hate to see you hurt. It kills me." He replied.

"I think you're forgetting that I'm a badass." You winked, injecting a moment of playfulness into the serious conversation.

"That's true. You're my tough cookie." He grinned, appreciating the effort to lighten the mood.

"And don't you forget it." You pointed at him.

"I never could." He kissed you softly. "I love you, Y/N."

You felt your cheeks heat up. No matter how many times he told you, the impact of those three words never faded, and you couldn't help but feel a flutter in your chest. "I love you, Bucky."

You climbed onto the bed and Bucky wrapped his arms around you. He sighed, contently. "I think this is where I belong."

"Where?" You asked, confused.

"In bed with you. It's like I'm home when I'm with you." He told you, his fingers traced absentminded patterns on your back.

A small smile played on your lips. "You are home, Bucky," you gently reminded him, your touch tracing along his arm.

Bucky pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head, "You're right. You're my home, Y/N."

Hi, just wanted to let you know that I'm open to requests. However, due to my ongoing commitments with school, work, and my own projects, it might take a while for me to get to them. I appreciate your understanding and am truly grateful for all the requests I've received! Thank you! xx

[derww]

DEVOTIONS WEEK DAY 2: POTIONS/DEATH

CW: Suicide attempt, suicidal ideations, mental breakdown, ableism, DDDNE

This is the first thing Zam does when he realizes that everything he has done this season has been absolutely useless: he kills himself.

Okay, he tries: he abruptly turns away, throws off all his armor, takes a few springy steps, and then jumps down. The height is small, but he has ridiculously few hearts, so it's enough...

A moment before landing something breaks on top of his head, and the fall does not cause any damage. The nasty swamp slime gets into his mouth, and he spits it out, at the same time shaking off the glass stuck in his hair.

– What do you think is the probability that he has milk? – Pyro asks Spoke, tossing another splash bottle in his hand. Zam stares at him. How the fuck did he even hit? He is disgusting and wet. He has milk, but only in the enderchest, and he is not stupid enough to believe that he will be given time to drink it. Or that it would make any difference.

– I don't know, man, – Spoke spreads his hands, – like, high? Doesn't matter. Let's continue my supervillain speech. Time is not infinite, you know.

He doesn't want to continue the conversation. He pukes on the spot. He reeks of corpse rot. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be anywhere at all. Oh, God, can he just fucking die already?

Mapicc rolls his eyes. He looks annoyed, but not surprised. He and Spoke exchange understanding glances. Zam mechanically wipes his mouth from vomit, staring past them. There are too many things around. Everything is too bright and distinct. He wants to pierce through his belly with a sword, and he is horrified to realize that this will not help.

They- they don't even laugh at his insignificance and helplessness, they see it as an expected hindrance, as something that will happen when you tell the PrinceZam about the impending apocalypse. For some reason, it's so much worse. The vomit is creeping up in his throat again.

Step. Another. Third. This time he jumps into the void – because the Abyss kills anything, and even if not, suffocating in the infinity is still better than being next to them. That's the only thing he wants right now – to die.

He barely does not manage to reach y 0 when he is teleported back to their feet, and he falls to the knees. He violently coughs up bile. Deep disgust fills every cell of his body.

– Listen, – Mapicc says wearily, – let's skip this part. Yes, Spoke has backdoored the server, yes, he has an OP, and yes, no mundane plots have any meaning anymore. Wormhole will open in a week. Are you with us?

He lowers his head. His hands are shaking. He wants to wash himself. He wants to be anywhere else. He wants warm clothes and soft food. He wants to go home and bake a pumpkin pie. He wants to kill himself.

– Earth to the PrinceZam,– Spoke snaps fingers in front of his face, – bro, hang off. I need your answer. I'm only giving you a choice anyway because you're different. Be faster.

He opens his mouth and stutters and gasps. Nothing in his body works properly. For the first time in months, he can't say anything. Why-why at all. What's the difference. They can't make his life worse. They won't be able to mess up any more. They are not-

A blurry image with black and red appears in front of his face. Black hair. A pale face. A red hoodie. Bandana. Horns. Zam doesn't have to think about it to know that it's Mapicc.

– Listen, – Mapicc's voice comes to him as if from under water, - I know it's hard, – no, he has no idea, – and really, really sucks. but this is the situation we find ourselves in now. Right now, you don't have to do much, right now you just need to make one decision. Okay?

Something inhuman is bursting out of him. He's throwing up again. Mapicc sighs.

– Hey, – he says too calmly, – it's hard, I know. But not worse than the end of season two, right? – much, much worse, – just take a deep breath, exhale, give yourself time to think and make a decision, okay? And we'll leave you alone.

He can't. He can't. He is not-

– If I refuse, – he says, dead–straight, – will you let me die?

– No, of course not, – Spoke's voice comes from somewhere to the side, and he doesn't have enough strength to turn his head, – why did we try otherwise? Wait for the Wormhole, and I'll think about it. Maybe I'll give you endless effects, or maybe I'll let you die in peace. Who knows? I haven't decided yet.

– Don't listen to him, – Mapicc interrupts, irritated, – don't think about it. Just decide whether you want to destroy this world or fight for its preservation. If you want to keep it, the defenders will pick you up sooner or later. If you want to destroy it, you will become the third with me and Spoke. We will work together. Like before.

He's looking past them. His heart is beating too fast.

– if I join you, – he says dryly, – will you let me die?

– When you will finish your work? – Spoke giggles, – yeah, sure, why not. It wouldn't matter.

He swallows a lump. His throat hurts. Mapicc seems to be looking right at him. He's suffocating. He doesn't want any of this.

– Okay, – he says in the end, – I'll help you. And then you'll let me go.

Spoke grins.

– And that's the deal! Good job, PrinceZam. That's more like it.

At least Mapicc and I will be friends again, he thinks detachedly. At least there's anything good about it. Maybe I can get over it. Even if it's only to get the fuck out later.

[americas1suiteheart]

I have something called Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy that I was diagnosed with when I was 15 which isn't caused by flashing lights or strobes, but rather hormones. So, I decided to do something with a reader that is epileptic, just not with something exactly like mine. Enjoy!!

I Won't Tell, I Promise

James Wilson x Epileptic! Reader

Summary; Y/n has been working at Princeton for 4 years, hiding her epilepsy in fear of losing her job. But what happens when an episode comes out of no where?

Notes; Everyone I've met and told I have epilepsy always thinks it's light sensitive, but it's not. I wanted to kind of have this as a thing to give a bit of what it's like dealing with that stigma.

Warnings; Foul language, mentions of taking prescription drugs, epileptic episodes, angst.

Word Count; 4,230

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You've been working at the Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital for a short while so far.

Before Prinston, you worked at a hospital all the way over in Oklahoma City as a nurse, then to Chicago as a doctor.

You probably would've never gotten this job if you mentioned what would be considered a "safety concern", to anyone.

You were diagnosed with Myoclonic Epilepsy when you were 17 and though it was said to be hormonal, it still hasn't gone away 26 years later.

"It'll go back to normal, just give it time, it usually goes away by your 20s," the neurologists and your mother constantly reminded you that. And nearly 30 years later and they were wrong.

That's what upset you the most. The fact that they assured you that it would go away and you would no longer have to take anymore of the god damn medicines or switching them constantly. They lied to you.

But, no use in moping about it. It is what it is. This problem, this disorder, is what pushed you to do what you do now. Neurology.

The doctors and neurologists could never figure out what was "wrong" with you. Countless tests, week long EEG's, CT scans, blood tests and draws, more brain scans, everything you could think of. Nothing.

No tumors ever found, nor any family history of it.

You'd just figure it out yourself.

Being in the medical field for almost 20 years has just earned you one of the larger titles.

Dr. Y/n L/n | Head of Neurology.

You had your own office on the floor where all of the MRI and CT machines resided. Made recently for you.

You just got that title just a couple months ago, and man was it difficult.

You had to take an extra dose of medicine due to the amount of stress and lack of sleep you were getting. And you weren't about to give that title you worked so hard for up.

Maybe (you knew it was,) mixing one of the strongest medications with another concentrated one was a bad idea.

750 mg of Levetiracetam, 370 mg of Lamotrigine, and 50 mg of Clobazam 3 times daily. On top of vitamins due to deficiency.

Now, that high of a dose of the Levetiracetam was already bad enough, but mixing it with the Lamotrigine made it worse. But you couldn't have an episode on the job. You feared that if you did, you would lose not only your title, but your job, and at the worst, your medical license.

You just couldn't risk that.

"...Y/n? You okay? Can you hear me?" A hand waved in front of your face with a couple snaps, trying to get your attention

Now see, that was the tricky thing with epilepsy. Absent seizures. You never knew if you'd just spaced out or had another small seizure.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah, I just spaced out for a second, my bad." You respond, forcing a smile with a chuckle.

"Oh, good. Thought I lost you there," Wilson says, putting his hand down and taking another bite of his salad.

Your watch begins to beep, indicating it was time to take the second medication of the day.

One in the morning, one during lunch, and one at night, taking each one with water and food.

"Um, give me a second, I gotta go get some water real quick. I'll be right back." You awkwardly rush.

"Don't worry, I'll get one for you. I've gotta throw my trash anyways."

"No, Wilson. Really it's fine I can get it," You began to panic. Don't panic.

"Then I'll go with you," Wilson smiles, getting up with his trash.

You mutter out an "Okay."

'He's going to ask about the pills. I've never taken my meds in front of anyone before. What do I say?' You began to freak out even more. 'What if he sees them and tells Cuddy about them? I'll lose my job.'

Technically you weren't supposed to supply your own medication to yourself. That's how House got in trouble. It's not like I'm abusing them, though. Right?

"What's that timer for?" Wilson asks.

"Well, sometimes I'll be working and I'll forget to grab lunch, so I don't want to forget to eat, y'know?" Liar.

"Oh,"

You continued walking in an awkward silence before you quickly went to the food bar and bought a bottle of water.

"You left me, what was that for?" Wilson chuckles with a hand on his hip.

'Do I just tell him? He'd be the first to know apart from my family or friends back in my hometown. No one since I left there knows about it. But I could trust him.'

"Uh, well.." You begin.

"Wilson! Come here!"

You turn around to see House marching (or trying more so,) toward the two of us.

"House-"

"Shut up, I need you. You can talk to Ms. Addict later."

'Shit, did House know?'

"Excuse me, what did you just call me?" Unbelievable.

"..real bold coming from you, House." You continue.

"At least I admit it! You’re exactly like me!" House shouts as he walks away with Wilson.

"What do you mean by 'Ms. Addict?'" Wilson asks, you being able to hear him as he walks away with House.

'If House knows, will he tell Wilson? Shit, more importantly, will he tell Cuddy?'

You sigh as you walk out of the cafeteria and go down the stairs to your respective level and enter your office.

"God, I've gotta stop this shit.." You say, picking up some x-rays of brain scans.

The patient was an 8 year old little boy. He was experiencing small seizures regularly, without any family history of seizures or epilepsy diagnosis'.

He'd been in the hospital for nearly a week now, countless tests were run, and he'd been attached to an EEG machine to see what would spike when he had an episode.

'Shit.'

You looked more closely at one of the radiographs. On the right side of his temporal lobe there were two black masses, most likely tumors, which looked to have been roughly 5 to 6 inches in size.

"Fuck.. Fuck, what do I do with this." You began to panic. There shouldn't be masses like that. This could just be something wrong with the machine, right?

You can't just stand there. You had to say something.

'Wilson,' You thought to yourself.

He would be the one to go to. You could only hope that they weren't cancerous tumors.

You gather up the rest of the radiographs and make your way out of your office to go to Wilson's, hoping that House was finished doing whatever he does, and that he would be in there.

"Hey, Dr. L/n, I was wondering if you have any updates on Noah yet?" The boy's mother stopped me in my tracks.

"Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Pieters. I was actually just looking at Noah's radiographs now. I'm going up to Dr. Wilson's office right now to go over them with him, so the final results should hopefully be out soon," You explain anxiously, still trying to sound as professional as possible.

"Oh wonderful! Once again, thank you for putting Noah in your care. You have no idea how lucky and relieved we feel now." She replies, a big smile on her face.

You feel so bad...

"Of course, Mrs. Pieters. Noah's health is one of my top priorities right now, and I couldn't be more happy to help. If you don't mind, though, I really need to go over these with Dr. Wilson right now."

"Of course. Sorry for keeping you," She apologized.

You wave her goodbye and rush to the stairs to reach Wilson's office.

You urgently knock on his door, waiting for a response, yet none came. You knock once again, and still no response. "James, are you in there? There are some radiographs I need to show you,"

You wait more, and still no response. Maybe House or Cuddy know where he is.

You go next door and open House's door, not even bothering to knock.

There House sat, throwing and catching his oversized tennis ball.

"What the hell-"

"Do you know where Wilson is?!" You cut him off in an urgency.

"He's probably in the bathroom touching himself, I'd check in there if I were you," He says sarcastically.

Oh..

"I'm being serious, House!" You roll your eyes and shout in frustration.

“Why, do you want to finally confess your undying love for him?”

You look at House with your mouth agape, looking like a fish out of water trying to create a response that wouldn't make you seem flustered. “I-”

You figured it would be near impossible to have an actual serious conversation, though not that you wanted one, with House. “I’m just gonna go ahead and go to Cuddy’s..” You sigh, frustrated with the time you’d just wasted trying to talk to him.

“Fine then! Be-” House shouts before you shut the door on him, silencing whatever bullshit he was going to say to or call you.

You make your way to Cuddy's office, looking at the radiographs on your way to make sure they really were something to be concerned about, though you would still look them over no matter what.

You knock on Cuddy's door and barge in, the same way you'd just done with House's. "Cuddy, have you seen Wils-" You say, stopping as you see Wilson standing at Cuddy's desk, going over some files.

"Oh my gosh, thank god. James, please, I need your help and time just for a moment," You plead.

"James? I got upgraded to James now?"

"Not the time now, Wilson,"

"Can you two do this somewhere else?" Cuddy says, a tinge of annoyance barely clear.

You leave Cuddy's office with Wilson following behind.

"What is it I can help you-" He says before you urgently (rudely,) cut him off.

"It's about Noah's MRI and CT scan results," You sigh, sadness in your voice.

Wilson's face softened, "Please tell me it's good,"

You pull up the radiographs and show them to him, not being able to see it all that great.

"Let's go to my office,"

You and Wilson make your way into your office, you put the pictures onto the intensifying screen and take a look at them once more, that feeling in your stomach getting deeper.

Please don't let it be bad..

"Those black masses right there at the temporal lobe, do you think those are.. tumors?" Your voice shakes.

Wilson inspects the pictures and points out the same two that you feared.

"Th-these ones?" Wilson questioned.

You nod your head.

You were horrified, but at the same time, you were anticipated. If these were the cause, then you would know why this was happening to him, unlike you with yours.

Wilson lets out a deep breath and turns to you, "We're going to have to run some more tests.. these are.. definitely tumors, but we don't know if they're cancerous..."

You sigh and rub your hands over your face.

Wilson walks to you and rubs your back with one hand, and places the other onto your shoulder.

You shiver at his touch, you began to feel dizzy and after taking your hands away from your face, you see black auras begin to obscure your vision.

And then, you blacked out.

--------------------------------------

Your head was pounding and your tongue was swollen. You looked around you in confusion as you found yourself laying on your side.

Where am I?

A hand ran through your hair as someone softly assured you that you were okay.

You get up before quickly falling back down to the floor.

"Hey, hey, L/n, just- sit back down. You're okay," a familiar voice assured you.

You blink slowly.

"Hey, look at me, look.. What's my name?"

You look at the male, his face becoming more familiar, though not enough until a couple seconds passed by, him staying patient with you.

"Wilson?" You slur.

"Good- um, what's your name, now?"

You felt like you were going to vomit. Your head was still spinning, though you were starting to become more familiar with your surroundings,

"Y/n? What happened?" You groan.

"Y/n, you just had a seizure.."

Those five words sent you into shock, though now it was beginning to quickly rise up to a panic attack..

"What?"

You put your head into your hands and brought your knees to your chest, a lump began to form in your throat and tears welled up in your eyes, "No, no, no, no, no, oh god, no..." You sobbed. You let yourself stress out enough to the point that you had an episode after not having one for nearly 6 months. You were doing so good. God there's no way you're going to ever drive again.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay, Y/n." Wilson tried to assure you as he patted your back.

"No, no it's not okay.. shit," You choke up.

You wipe the saliva off of your mouth, presumably from spitting up during your episode.

You rock yourself back and forth, head still in your hands.

Wilson stayed quiet. He had no idea what to say, but you preferred that he didn't. You needed some silent time to gather your mind together.

"God.. fuck, I'm so sorry, James. You shouldn't have had to deal with that.." you exhale and apologize, afraid to even look at him.

"Y/n, don't- don't apologize,"

"You're not going to tell anyone are you? Please don't tell anyone, please, Wilson," You pleaded, tears welling up again at the thought of losing your job.

You didn't know that House had already known before. House had overheard you when you were speaking to Noah that one day, and then found out how much you were taking a day, earning your new nickname 'Ms. Addict'.

Him being the huge blabbermouth that he is, he obviously felt the need to tell Wilson. Wilson didn't know if he told him because he had some sort of worry for you, or if it was just him being an asshole, but by God was he glad that House told him.

"I won't tell, I promise." Wilson said as he wiped the tears away from your face, cupping it with his hand.

You melt into his touch and sigh.

"How.. how much Levetiracetam have you been taking..?" Wilson questioned.

You look at him in confusion, "What? What are you talking about?"

"Your meds.. how much of them are you taking?"

House.

"House- House told me, just earlier today," Wilson admitted hesitantly.

House!

“I’m gonna kill him!” You suddenly shout in a fit of sudden rage.

You get up only to fall once again, not just triggering your vertigo, but also making the previous dizziness you’d just had only mere minutes ago worsen.

You grab onto the nearest table to stable yourself, stumbling around as you try to pathetically attempt to speed walk.

 “L/n– L/n hold on just– Y/n!” Wilson says anxiously.

“Fuckin’ asshole, I’m gonna kill him.. How does he even know?” You grumble to yourself.

You stumbled around the workplace, bumping into things and nearly dodging others, looking like a lunatic disguised as a doctor, or to be more accurate; House.

“Y/n!” Wilson calls out to you, catching up to you far more quickly than you had been “speedwalking”.

He stops you, getting ahold of your left arm and goes in front of you, grabbing your other arm after successfully stopping you from even taking one more step.

“L/n, don’t. I know he’s an asshole but let's just go back to your office so we can sit you down, and then talk about this, okay?”

You were upset, and overwhelmed. He was right. You should go back to your office, sit down, have some water, and focus on Noah.

Noah..

You nod at him and turn around to make your way back to your office, one of his hands on your back and another out in case you fall.

He was so.. caring. You’ve never had someone care so much for you. You haven’t had that in years, you’d forgotten just how nice it was to be cared for, even if it were in upsetting circumstances such as now.

You smile to yourself as he helps you to your office chair, thanking him.

Wilson pulls up a stool in front of you, “L/n, are you okay?” He questions, taking your hands into his own, warm and calloused.

“Yeah, I guess I just freaked out a bit. I’m alright,”

“How much medicine have you been taking, L/n..” Wilson asks concerningly.

You sigh. You didn’t want to admit you had a bit of a.. problem with substances, specifically your prescribed ones. God, I really am House..

“Uh,” You look away from him. You were more than ashamed of yourself. There was a reason the drugs were controlled, because they were addictive..

It had gotten to the point where you depended on them too much. The Clobazam wasn’t even necessary, either.

“750 mg of Levetiracetam, 370 mg of Lamotrigine, and 50 mg of Clobazam.” You mutter.

“750 of Levetiracetam??”

“Yeah.. three times daily.”

Wilson sighs and lets his head fall low, muttering something to himself.

“L/n, you could overdose on just the Levetiracetam and Lamotrigine together twice, maybe even once! But you're mixing it with the Clobazam, too? Three times a day? Who’s prescribing you this much medicine?!” Wilson was genuinely concerned for you, he didn't mean to sound or come off as angry or upset, but that’s definitely what he sounded like.

"Myself," You looked at your hands, his were still holding yours.

"..I'm sorry but- I couldn't risk having an episode, especially not here. If- if anyone else found out I thought I might lose my job or- or my medical license, I can’t risk that, I- I worked so hard for this title, I can’t let it be taken away because of some stupid-” You started to get worked up and hysterical. So much build up just over the years of not telling anyone your worries, not even your parents or friends from home, all of it just spilt out in front of Wilson.

Wilson gets up and pulls you into a tight hug, stroking your hair as his chin rested on to of your head. “I won’t tell anyone, and I promise you, I absolutely promise you that you won’t lose your job if anyone else finds out,”

You tense up, but the sound of his heartbeat so close to your line of hearing made you relax into his arms, wrapping your own across his torso.

“I don’t know about you, but this is one of the first times that I’ve ever been happy that House is an asshole. I’m glad he told me. I’m glad you’re safe.” Wilson continued, holding you closer to him.

His overwhelming affection and concern began to make you tear up. He actually cared for you.

And though House would never admit it, so did he.

You began to cry into Wilson’s lab coat, still not letting go of him in fear that you would lose him forever if you did.

“I care for you, Y/n. I never want you to feel this way.”

He didn’t even care that you were dirtying his coat with your own tears and snot, he only cared for you at that moment.

“Oh, you finally found him. Did you find him in the bathroom touching himself like I said he was? Is that why you’re crying? Do you need a hug from me, too?” House says sarcastically as he barges into your office.

You take your face out of Wilson’s coat to scowl at House. “Fuck off, Greg..” You sniffle.

“House, it’s really not the time for your shit, and that’s a highly innaproppriate thing to say- wait, where did you get that from?” Wilson says, pulling away from you.

“I’ve heard you,” House ‘whispers’ very loudly.

House hobbles over to you and stares for a few seconds before ruffling your hair, making it messier than it already was before.

“Addict,”

“Says you, asshole,” You respond, trying to smooth out your hair for it to look decently.

“..Uh, how did you know? About my..” you continue.

“You have really gotta start being more quiet when you talk to your patients about stuff like that, it was hard not to hear you blabbering to that kid. Do you just do that with all of them? Pretty wreckless if you ask me,” House responds.

“And my medication?”

“You’re not as sneaky with it as you think. Maybe being more open about it would raise less flags. You just might actually be worse than I am, Ms. Addict.”

Wilson stood aside, watching the interaction between his best friends. They hated eachother, but cared for eachother at the same time. He smiled at the scene.

“Whatever,” You say as House leaves your office.

“You two are an interesting pair,” Wilson chuckles.

“He’s a child.” You roll your eyes and smile.

House pops back into your office, sticking only his head in through your doorway. “Druggie addict.” and he disappears once more.

“There’s my point being proven,”

“Oh, I never doubted you,”

You look up at Wilson, with him looking back down at you.

You took in his features for a good couple of moments, 

his thick brows were one of the most noticable features of his, in the best way possible in your opinion at least. You could never imagine him with what people would concider “normal proportioned” brows. They sat atop those puppy dog eyes that held a sort of tired softness to them, you could just get lost in them forever. A single section of hair seperated from his usual kept up hair, laying on top of his forehead. His smile. My god, his smile was so nice.

“What?” Wilson lets out a breathy laugh.

“Nothing, you just look nice today,” You reply back before getting up out of your chair in your best efforts, successfully making it back to Noah’s Radiographs.

“Thanks, you do, too,” He stood next to you at a closer proximity than before.

You and Wilson looked closely at Noah’s Radiographs for a few minutes before Wilson declared, “I don’t think you have to worry about these tumors too much, they look benign to me. We just need to remove them and Noah should be fine,”

You let out a sigh of relief. Noah was an amazing kid. You have no clue what you would do if you had to give news that he had something that could possibly be a cause of death. At least you found the reason for his.

You lay your head on Wilson’s shoulder and smile, “Thanks, James.”

He brings his hand up to grab your waist, pulling you closer to him and laying his head onto yours, “Thank you for letting me help out with him. He’s lucky to have you,”

“..though, I think I would be even luckier to have you, Y/n.” Wilson continues.

Wilson had always been good with his words when he wanted to. They always came out to be smooth, yet not too vulgar or forward. Thats exactly what it felt like now. It felt genuine, it felt like it actually came straight from the heart, and now you felt like yours was about to practically beat out of your chest.

“I think you would, I’m just special like that,” you giggle.

Wilson raises his head off of yours and looks at you, taking in how beautiful you looked before placing a small kiss to your head.

You grin, practically from ear to ear and lift your head off of his shoulder to press a kiss to his cheek, only for him to lift your chin up. You two were practically teasing each other, for as when you went to close the gap, he lifted you up and carried you to your office chair bridal style and sat down with you in his lap, now closing the gap himself as he spun around in the chair with you.

You smiled into the kiss and you could feel he was too.

This would be one of your most memorable days ever, in so many ways. Not only because of Noah, but because of this moment with James that you would never imagine would happen to you in a million years.

Its not to early to think to yourself or say, you love him.

You love James Wilson, and you would scream it from the top of your lungs so everyone else could be reminded of it.

You were in love with him, and he was in love with you.

[realititrip]

my Red Error AU for @dpauzine :D You can also check out the full zine here

The story in this AU follows Valerie after getting suit upgrade from Technus. Of course it's more than that and things start getting out of hand pretty quickly.

First it was the little things, barely noticable, but still there like studying becoming easier or her reaction time to attacks being faster. Valerie brushed it off.

This was going on for around 2 weeks without change until Phantom approached her after a fight where they had to team up to take down a more dangerous ghost. "Um Red? Your eyes glowed red for a second there and i wanted to ask if you were okay?" he said but Val just snaped at him to better mind his own business or else he'll be the one in her thermos next time she sees him. Phantom flew away then but the worry she saw in his eyes was stuck in her brain.

Valerie spent the rest of that night staring at the mirror in her bathroom looking for the red glow but never found it. Until a few days later when she woke up with sore eyes. Went to the mirror and saw red around the edges. It's fine it's FINE don't panic you'll figure it out girl.

After some thinking she figured new suit must be the source of the problem. Since it was fused with her body Val couldn't take it off, but it wasn't causing harm to anyone so she probably overused it or something that's why the red showed up.

And oh honey, you couldn't be more wrong.

Her vision changed. Those are definitely NOT the same eyes she had last week. The iris looks more mechanical, like there's something moving and shifting in it, like a robot or cyborgs, she thought. Everything is clearer, in higher quality, she can even zoom in and out if she so desieres. When she puts the suit on there's just /more/ of everything. Around the edges of her vision Valerie can see health statistics, ghosts in the area and other important information she needs. The familiar green eyes are gone, replaced with red.

The next change was her hair. Problem was they didn't look like hair anymore. Thick and think cables, any kind, running down her back. This really started freaking her out. This is where it started becoming too much and the situation she's in started sinking in. She needed help. But who even could do anything about it? Her dad would just worry even more, Phantom isn't an option, the best tech guy in town doesn't know she's Red Huntress and she's not going to change that.

So Valerie made a plan to wait for Technus to show up and catch him before Phantom. It surprised her the ghost was actually useful and explained what he could. Of course there was the threat that she'll destroy Technus if he won't but. Details.

Apparently her "hair" could be used to connect with any sort of device. She needs camera footage to check out ghost fight details? done. Wes talking about his phone freaking out because of ghost pictures? she can get that easily. The cables act like another pair of arms and do exactly what she wants.

Technus has a theory that the reason behind all of this was because he used too much of his powers on her. Since it was more than a normal human body could handle thus the changes.

He warned that there's a possibility she'll develop something similar to a ghosts core, the thing that stores all her power, the source of it. Since she's still human, Valerie thought it wouldn't happen, but fate seems to hate her, so here we are, with a triangle on her forehead that seems to be slowly growing in size every day. Honestly, it's not so bad, pretty easy to hide. The worst part about it is that if the core got damaged she must go to Technus for help.

But other than that, she's fine, for real this time.

[sansfangirl24]

How I think the Bakusquad would react to you pulling away from a kiss (part 1)

Warnings: none mostly just fluff and some cussing

(this is my first time doing one of these types of things so please be nice also sorry thats its short its hard to be creative)

(btw this image is not mine so credits to the original creator :D)

Katsuki Bakugo

This man would go crazy "What the H#LL do you think you're doing?" if you ever pulled away when he tried to kiss you, you wouldn't hear the end of it for at least a week even when he does forgive you before then he'll make little comments about it (cause we all know he holds grudges)

he'll proceed to go on a rant about how 'this is the dumbest s##t you've ever done' no matter your excuse whether it's valid or not you definitely won't be getting any affection for a good 30 minutes at the least. when he does decide to forgive you though (after a million begs and pleases) he'll pull away when you try to give him an apology kiss and as you sit there with an offended face, he'll just smirk and say: "yeah how's it feel dumb#ss?" you can't help but hate him and love him at the same time. oh and no doubt about it you'll get the most passionate rough kisses from him the entire week.

Eijiro Kirishima

He would be shocked at first but then it would slowly morph into sadness and as you quickly try to explain why you didn't give him a kiss, he'd already be ignoring you (not on purpose) and thinking in his head what on earth he did wrong and how he could make it up to you. the poor guy just wants you to be happy :(

after the incident (and you saying a million times how it was because you got distracted and that you weren't mad at him) he'd spend a good two weeks giving you random presents to make it up to you even though he didn't do anything wrong "baby? I got your favorite snacks while I was out" "hey baby-shark! I bought you a plushie!" this man will always try to make you happy whether he did something wrong or not and you better give him lots of kisses for his sake and your's.

Denki Kaminari

I think he'd gladly do skincare stuff with you if you were into that sorta thing, but he would also forget that stuff couldn't get into his mouth so when he tried to kiss your cheek when you had a face mask on and you pulled away from him.. he just rolled himself into a little ball on the floor and cried his eyes out. he would do an ugly cry too red eyes, snot and all.

you would immediately be surprised by this and ask him what's wrong and when he was able to finally speak, he'd look up at you and in the most dramatic voice say: "you don't love me anymore!" and thats how you would end up cuddling with him on the couch and stroking his hair and giving him little kisses while you both watched his favorite show (probably something having to do with cars) as a way to make up for not letting him kiss you. this how it ended every time he didn't get his way though so you were used to it and you didn't mind it

uggggggh- okay! that was part 1. hopefully it was okay it was kinda lazy and short but we're surviving. tell me what you guys thought and uh yeah

part 2 will be here when I feel like it

[tired-biscuit]

I just saw your drabble about kiba’s family smelling the fuck on you……what about baby fever Kiba that can smell you ovulating and you don’t know what’s gotten into him

the way you got me kicking my feet into the air with this ask, omg!! <3

18+ mdni, fem!reader / cw: breeding

i think he'd have the urge to breed you and knock you up pretty early in the relationship, like right from the very start. better yet, even if you're nothing but friends and he secretly fancies you, he's still thinking about it, considering it even, because he can smell whenever you're in your "child bearing prime" whether he wants to or not, and it's literally driving him fucking insane.

but being the respectful man that he is, bless him and his mother, he knows that it's not usually the way these things go; that social norms say that partners should probably get to know each other a little bit better and grow closer before starting families.

so he takes it down a notch when you become his girlfriend. of course he does.

i mean, he doesn't want to scare you away by forcing you to get so serious with him so soon, so what else can he do than tuck away that animalistic side of him - the one that's a pretty common trait to have in his clan - and say that he's completely fine with going super slow, that he's a-okay with using protection? hell, he even goes as far as to pretend that the sweet change in your scent which your ovulation causes doesn't faze him every month, even if it makes his goddamn skin feel like it's on fire.

and sure, he enjoys getting to know you better, settling down with you slowly and taking it easy, but the urge to fuck his kids into you just won't go away. it grows peskier and peskier with each passing week, month, year. it's in his blood after all, he can't possibly do anything about it; it's just the way he's programmed.

so i think - despite the precautions - he'd sort of loosen up and start hinting at it pretty early, after like a year or so. it'd start off innocent enough, like he'd just be talking about your future and stuff like that. but then your cycle comes to the ovulation part again, and all of a sudden he doesn't mind showing how it affects him as well. how clingy it makes him. how touchy he gets during it. how needy.

he follows you around the house during those days and constantly keeps you close. fucks you way more often. develops a daddy kink (or finally allows you to see it, who knows) and makes sex last longer; his dick buried so deep inside of you that you feel like you're going to fucking burst because of the mating press he insists holding you in despite that you aren't even mating technically (sadly) because of the condom that you make him wear.

he does admit at some point that the scent attracts him after you start questioning his sudden change in behaviour. he even tells you that he's grown so comfortable around you by now that he can't bother to hide it anymore. and well, it makes sense for him and his abilities, so you're not all that surprised when he's brushing against you in the kitchen when you're all hormonal once again next month; feeling his hands as he slowly drags them up and down your sides, while the bulge in his sweatpants presses against your ass in a way that makes heat pool between your legs.

however, something is different this time around. he doesn't stop tugging at your leggings when you remind him that he should go grab a rubber if he plans to fuck you on the kitchen counter. no, instead of running to the bedroom like he normally does, he just pushes his hips further into your own, and tells you that perhaps he wants to fuck you right here and now. that he's positive that you'd like it; that he knows you oh, just so well.

"c'mon," he says. "what's a lil' risk, mm?"

and you giggle at that, a faint blush searing your face because you think he's just joking, that he's just messing around with you like he has a habit of doing, but he still isn't moving. he just rests his chin against your shoulder, his sensitive nose nuzzling into the crook of your neck, as he sighs and tells you again how good you smell right at that moment. how sweet the scent is. how appealing it is.

and then one thing leads to another because you're hormonal and needy too, even more than he is if that is even possible. your panties are literally constantly soaked and your poor pussy needs to be taken care of, he knows it, so it's not even shocking that he manages to bend you over the counter and fuck the shit out of you completely raw as your toes curl in your little fuzzy socks and your eyes squeeze shut because of the realisation; because of the risk.

so you tell him, through broken moans and quick gasps, that he's not allowed to cum inside and that this is the only time you're risking it like this. and he agrees. he pulls out the last second - hesitantly, yes, but he does - and cums on your lower back instead, trying to ignore the way he felt your tight hole fluttering with intention to milk him dry.

and that's that.

well, for the most part.

because ever since then, you're getting raw-dogged every other night and are literally begging him to fill you up during your dazed state, because, well, it feels so good. because it's so fucking good and rewarding to see him be so into it; to be so into you. he's been passionate before, but this is on an entirely different level.

he's literally whispering the dirtiest shit into your ear as he breeds you, all focused and with eyes so fierce that they could burn holes through you. is telling you how good your pussy feels when it's soaking wet like this, that he can smell how urgently it needs him, and that he's just so fucking happy that he gets to experience it entirely at long last.

he's even calling you his pretty mate, how proud he is of you, how you're such a good girl for being willing to take his load, how he wants you to make him a daddy and to let him fill you up over and over again, until you're leaking his cum and are pregnant with his babies because he wants you, and he wants to have a family with you, and he just wants and wants and wants.

he's been wanting for all this time. a year and a couple of months of waiting may not seem like a long time for some, but for a man like him, it could have been considered as absolute torture.

so you suppose it's understandable why he turns sort of delirious when he at long last gets to fuck your pretty little cunt completely raw and spill everything he's got right into it. right to the very last drop, he'll even bend your legs flush against your chest just so that he can make sure his seed sticks.

it's just pure instinct. it's who he is.

and it makes him simply overjoyed that you finally understand.

[luminouslywriting]

How do you think the guys would react to you telling him that you’re ready to try for a baby? Like back then people got straight to it after marriage but maybe you decided to wait a bit for him to adjust back but now you feel ready and him trying to decide if he should be excited about fatherhood or about fucking you 24/7

I'm assuming this is for the Masters of the Air men?? If not, let me know and I'd be happy to do a BoB version! Reminder that my requests are open for MOTA, The Pacific, and BoB! Also someone asked for headcanons on how Rosie would react to finding out you’re pregnant, so this is also fulfilling that request!!

Cut for length, more under the cut, spice obviously included:

Bucky Egan:

-Listen, he's the type of man who if you say you're ready to try for a baby, it does not matter what he has going on. Oh he's about to head to a work meeting? He's calling in sick. Oh dinner is cooking? Not anymore. He will drop everything to literally carry you to the nearest surface possible.

-Is more excited about the 24/7 sex than the actual fatherhood aspect of things (at least for now). He just won't know what to make of fatherhood until it's there lol.

-Keeps better track of your ovulation cycle than you do and has a higher sex drive, so he's absolutely the type of man who makes you lay on the bed with your knees up for a bit after sex because he wants to be sure that things stick.

-Probably a master at seduction at random times of day or the week to try and ensure that you get pregnant as quickly as possible. He's ready and prepared.

-Also be ready for sure much praise kink and to be breeded because these are his kinks and he's ready. Going back to the somnophilia thing I mentioned back in the domestic headcanons, he's using that to help things along as much as possible haha.

Gale Cleven:

-Was comfortable waiting to have kids until you were ready and so when he tells you, he's happy about it and nervous. I've expanded on that in the Gale Cleven Pregnancy Headcanons, but as far as the trying goes, he's going to give it his best efforts.

-He's reading up on all of these pregnancy books to try and figure out the best tricks for falling pregnant in order to help you.

-Insatiable with the 24/7 sex and is even hornier than normal; baby Cleven was absolutely conceived on the kitchen table and you can't convince me otherwise

-Gale is a sensible man who is efficient when trying to achieve something so he'll try to orgasm as many times as possible and finish inside of you as much as he can.

-Gets really turned on thinking about you being pregnant and this spurs him into some heavy praise and encouragement to keep efforts up and positive.

Robert Rosenthal:

-He's thrilled, lightly put. He's ready for kids literally whenever you give the word—and if you just so happen to tell him right before a dinner with his parents, well a quickie was definitely on the table.

-And then there was the public teasing during the dinner, and then he absolutely ravished you for hours and hours afterwards because he wants that to be your reality ASAP.

-Is both thrilled about being a dad and the 24/7 sex. He definitely makes it into a sort of game with the two of you, a sort of cat and mouse chase so that things are kept surprising and fun rather than just trying to get pregnant.

-Definitely buys you all sorts of maternity stuff before you're even pregnant because he is so in love with the thought of you being pregnant haha.

-Also the type of man to watch your diet really closely and ensures that you're taking prenatal vitamins and all of that.

John Brady:

-It's an accident, I'm sorry. This man probably figures out that you're pregnant before you even figure it out—the girl math is mathing and he's seeing all sorts of pregnancy symptoms

-And then that causes more of a 24/7 pregnancy kink for him where he just constantly wants to have sex with you or keep filling you up because you take him so well.

-He's really excited about being a dad and he's even more body positive about you being pregnant

-The car sex in the Brady Wagon DOES NOT continue, because he's too worried about making sure that positioning is comfortable and you're alright, but that's cool, that's fine—there's just definitely more sex ONCE you're pregnant than there was before lol

-Absolutely the type to skip out on a public function or leave early because he wants to take care of you and he's gotta keep his baby's mama happy and satisfied.

[eldritch-nightmare]

howdy!! hope you're having a lovely day! may i request ticci toby and any other creeps of your choosing reacting to someone harming their s/o? thank you in advance!

a/n: hi!! thanks for sending the request!! hope you enjoy <3

reacting to someone hurting their gn!s/o.

includes: toby, nurse ann, homicidal liu + sully [separate], the bloody painter, and laughing jill.

warnings: reader gets injured, murder, blood, the murder isn't detailed but some of them may be a little graphic maybe, near-death experiences, it's implied that the reader doesn't know helen kills people.

TICCI TOBY.

He would not be a happy camper, that's for sure.

Toby has already had so much taken away from him, so if someone were to try and take away the one person he allowed himself to love? Yeah, no, not happening.

Toby has taken so many lives he doesn't even know the exact number, and he doesn't normally draw out their death unless it's something Slender wants him to do.

But seeing you passed out on the ground because some sick fuck decided to take their anger out on you... it brought Toby back to darker days, and all he could think about was eliminating the danger to keep you safe.

And let me tell you, Toby draws out your attacker's death. They hurt you, so therefore they deserve every ounce of pain he gives them.

Honestly, if he could, he'd probably keep the person alive over the course of weeks just to get it through their head just how badly they fucked up deciding to hurt you, but he needed to get you help as soon as possible so he leaves your attacker to bleed out.

Once the anger he feels subsides, it'll be replaced by panic and guilt as he rushes you to the nearest place you can receive medical attention, be it the mansion or the hospital.

He won't feel better until you wake up, and even after, this situation will definitely cause him to become a bit paranoid over your safety. He really can't lose you. That's not a pain he can go through again.

It'll probably take you weeks, maybe even months, to reassure Toby that you were okay.

This situation will definitely make him more aware of your safety. If he's not off completing tasks for Slender, he's keeping an eye on you. He's not trying to be clingy or overbearing, he just doesn't want to see you covered in your own blood ever again.

NURSE ANN.

Ann can't remember anything that happened before her death and... proxification, but she does know that you've been by her side through the entire process. You're one of the very small handful of people she trusts and likes, so there was no way she'd let anyone take you away from her.

So when she sees you on the ground, bloodied and bruised because some dumb group of wanna-be urban explorers she was hunting down freaked out thinking you were her? Well, let's just say there's nothing that can calm Ann's burning rage at that moment.

Not only have these people trespassed into her hospital, but they also dare to hurt the love of her life as well? There's no fucking way she'll show them mercy now.

You're barely clinging onto consciousness as you watch your girlfriend mercilessly slaughter the people who dared to even put you in such a state. It's not because you wanted to watch, you were just too exhausted and in far too much pain to look away.

The amount of blood alone was nauseating, and at some point, you couldn't even tell what color the floor was anymore.

But once Ann has dealt with the intruders, she'll oh so gently pick you up from the ground and carry you to the nearest (and cleanest) hospital room so she can treat your wounds.

Ann doesn't speak much, but you can hear her softly apologizing to you as she takes care of you. She tries her best to be careful, not wanting to make the pain worse than it already is. She doesn't feel as if this is her fault, she knows it isn't, but she still can't help but feel bad.

This experience will definitely make her realize just how much she cares for you. It's a little scary, to be quite honest with you. It's weird being attached to someone.

She isn't going to become overbearing when it comes to your safety, but she'll definitely be more careful about hunting down trespassers if she knows you're in the area.

Don't worry, a situation like this will never happen again.

HOMICIDAL LIU.

Oh. Oh boy, what have you done?

Liu is, as we all know, not the type of person to take another's life in cold blood. He only hurts others when it is self-defense because he doesn't want to be anything like his brother.

But keep in mind that Liu is also very protective and he has a lot of pent-up anger (among a variety of other emotions) that he keeps under tight wraps. So, believe me when I tell you that you really do not want to be on the receiving end of that anger.

Unfortunately, some sad soul was completely unaware of this and decided to hurt you.

Now, for Liu, he honestly blacked out the moment he saw you bleeding out on the ground. You, however, witnessed the carnage that was about to take place. Honestly, for a moment, you thought that Sully had taken over because of how violent it got. But no, it was all Liu.

Liu doesn't make quick work of this. No, by the time he came out of whatever stupor of anger he got put in, he was drenched in blood, and the person he killed didn't even look like a person anymore.

He didn't use his gun. He used Sully's knife. You've never seen him use a knife before. He always avoided them, he only ever used guns. But he used a knife. He broke the fucking knife.

Right. Well. You'll just have to sit him down and discuss what transpired later. Preferably when you aren't bleeding out. Luckily for you, Liu has taught himself medical care. He's pretty damn good at treating wounds like this as well, so you're in really good hands.

Just... keep pressure on the wound for a moment while he quickly washes off all the blood on his hands.

You'll be okay. He'll make sure of it. He won't lose you.

SULLY.

Now, I bet you're expecting me to tell you that Sully would also go absolutely ham on the person who hurts you. No. He doesn't. Unlike Liu, he doesn't become overcome with pent-up rage.

He does get angry, don't get me wrong, but that anger isn't important. You're hurt, and you need immediate assistance, so Sully doesn't even spare the person a glance as he pulls out Liu's gun and shoots them in the head.

Sully is... less good at treating wounds. He tries his best whenever he sustains an injury, but Liu is always the one who has to take care of it.

But he does know where a certain eyeless man tends to lurk around, so he won't waste any time taking you to get treatment from him.

He'll keep the conversation topic light as you get treated, joking around with you and talking about anything and nothing at the same time. It keeps a smile on your face, and it keeps you distracted from the pain you're in.

It also keeps Sully distracted from the fact that his hands are shaking.

For a moment, he's not really sure why he's shaking so much. You're safe, and you're getting treated. It's only when you knock out after taking some pain meds that Sully finally realizes that he was scared.

You could've died, realistically. You probably would've if he hadn't been there.

He's never been so close to losing someone before. The thought alone was making his stomach churn. He's... he's never felt scared like this before.

This is probably when he realizes that he loves you.

THE BLOODY PAINTER.

Now, Helen isn't the most emotionally expressive person out there. Just one quick glance at his default expression and you'll come to the conclusion that he's a pretty apathetic person.

But you know him. You've learned how to identify his microexpressions. He had dropped by your place and walked in to see you treating a pretty bad cut on your arm. It was just a very slight shift in his expression, one that only lasted for a fraction of a second, but you could see the worry and the underlying anger.

It's actually pretty awkward as you explain to him what happened, going into detail about how some guy had just randomly decided to attack you when you were in town today.

Helen seemed to be taking in every detail you provided, and when he finally spoke up, it was to ask if you could describe the guy for him.

You had just assumed he was going to sketch the guy's face to give it to the police or something, so you didn't see any real issue with telling Helen, doing your best to describe what the guy looked like. You were honestly over the entire situation. The cut on your arm was bandaged and it didn't hurt much anymore.

The situation ended there for you. It was never brought up again, and Helen stayed the night to help you with anything that may be an inconvenience to do with an injured arm. It was sweet seeing him worried for you, if you're being honest.

It may take a few days, but Helen eventually did track down the person who had hurt you.

He treats them like any other victim, though it's obvious to authorities that this person had a particularly cruel death.

There is nothing tragically beautiful about this person's death. It is not a piece of art like all the other deaths were made out to be. This one still had their blood.

Honestly, their death feels so out of place for the case of the Bloody Painter that authorities are hesitant to consider this another one of his victims. It could be a dispute that led to murder, and in a panic was staged to make it look like a serial killer did it.

And you stay oblivious to this, none the wiser.

LAUGHING JILL.

Look, Jill truly felt as if she would never experience happiness ever again until you came into her life and made her realize that she can still feel such a thing.

You've basically become a source of joy for her, so there was no way in hell she'd ever let that go.

And when someone hurts you? When someone makes your face screw up in pain? It's an image that Jill never wanted to see. She's already lost someone close to her, stolen away from her by a monster. She can't lose you too. She just can't.

She also makes quick work of whoever hurt you, slicing them with her chainsaw once or twice before tossing it to the side and hurrying over to you.

You'll have to reassure her that you're okay as she lets you use her as a pillar of support. Even if you aren't okay, you need to reassure her that you are.

Jill doesn't know how to treat your wounds, something that will definitely change in the future once you're able to get actual treatment.

Honestly, she'll probably burst into tears and apologize profusely even though you getting hurt wasn't her fault. She still should've been there by your side. If she had been, you wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place.

She'll definitely be hyperaware of anyone who comes near you now. It doesn't matter if it's someone you're close to or if it's a complete and total stranger.

She'll immediately tense up and view them as a threat, sticking close to you just in case something happens.

It'll take months, maybe even years for her to move past this.

[littlesheeneffect]

Bow Tied Love ❤️

Aziraphael x Reader (AFAB Genderfluid)

Rating: At your discretion.... maybe T

Warnings: Mentions of smutt, mostly fluff, low self esteem, angst, medical issues, slight language

...... Yesterday.......

I made my way to the back of the book shop with a stack in hand, my stomach constantly in butterflies at the thought of Aziraphael. His beautiful eyes, that round face, his fluffy curls, and that sweetly soft body- oh I wished I could just curl up with!

I had to do something, the infatuation was just going to kill me.... it already was killing my blood sugar, blood pressure, and nervous system with that constant state of the feels. Gosh, there he was again!

"Darling, would you mind bringing me the Hidden Hand by-" cut him off by placing E.D.E.N Southworth's novel in his hand. "Thank you love", ugh, he did it again....

I couldn't take it, my health felt like it was being thrown out the windows by my stupidity. Why would he even think something as human as I was? It wasn't possible, and if if it was- it was probably for Crowley that he would, not me. I'm mean, just look at me!

"You know what I've been thinking darling, we should reorganize the far bookshelf on the northeast side of the shop this week. If we get half of it done before Thursday, crepes it is!" He beamed out without looking anywhere in particular.

Suddenly I got the courage, or rather cowardice, to mutter out, " Um, Zira I think I'm gonna head home for the day. It's been quite a week, an, an, and something came up. I don't know if I'll be able to come in on Monday." Crap It sounded to apathetic, so distant, so like this job was nothing and I could careless! Why did I?!?!

"Oh", he said with a simplicity that broke me even more because of my being the cause of it. "Well," he started and I attempted to redeem myself once more. "I mean Zira, I just don't know if it's the right way to say this but I, I won't come in." Crap! "I mean, because I have someone important to care for, and if they go down..... we'll, let's just say it's not,.. you know" Mental Facepalm.

With a near blank expression and wide eyes, Aziraphael replied, " Well, if you refuse to help me, then of course.... you're at liberty to go." Quickly he stood from his seat and exited to a back room. I felt awful. Why did I have to be such a nitwit, so afraid to faint in his arms, that I would make him think I was an ungrateful prig. Ugh!!!!

In fact, I had no idea that I was so heartwrenched by my own actions that I was still seated on the edge of the desk near fifteen minutes later. Right in the same place.

Everything I'd done wrong in life had been swirling about in my mind. Everything that was completely complicated pushed it's way forth. Why was I kicked out of my family's house... cuz I was Genderfluid? Why did such an Angel like Aziraphael take a lowlife like me in.... cuz that who he was, not because of me. Why did I just dis the crush of my life... coz I'm selfish? Why was I so, so- ME!!!??

Little did I realize that AZ had reenterred the room with a concered and surprised look. "Ughm" he cleared his throught. When I didn't look up, he began concerned, "Y/n, weren't you going home?" I finally looked up slowly, yet not fully at him. Just into the distance.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going" I said in a slurred tone as I wearily stood. Yet the flush drained from my cheeks and I felt entirely weak. As I began to crumble to the floor, Aziraphael's arms caught me.

"Oh darling," he called, " You're having a faint, stay with me dear. Stay with me." As he held me partly propped on his squatted knee and with his arms, I slowly turned my pale face to his. "Zir, zzira?"

"Yes, dear, I'm here- don't worry" he consoled, looking at me to check if I was fading off anymore. "I'm such a terr, terrible person", I moaned in dellusional angst, "I'm so, so"- suddenly the tears just broke forth. "Shhhhhh, shhhh, now my love. That's not true, shhhhh. You're just fine. You are a wonderfully beautiful person, y/n." His voice softly echoed into the weak sobs, as one hand rubbed my back. "Don't you listen to those voices darling, you are perfect. God loves you more than you can ever imagine darling, and so do I. Shhhh now dear, shhhh."

Gradually, a peak of color returned to my blush once more, and I looked up to his gorgeous face. Yet everything was still blurry and off.

In a true delusional and blissful state, I reached a hand up to his greenish checkered bow tie. Tugging it gently, I smiled in a lightheaded elation, " You make this bow tie so handsome, my sweetiepie!"

Then I fully swooned.

(And he may have too, I don't fully know that part. I just remember the lightheaded look he had before it all went black.)

....... Today ......

I was upstairs getting out of Aziraphael's ridiculously soft bed, and noticed it was well past 12 in the afternoon, when I heard a swift nock on the door.

"Hey Angel, oh" I turned to see Crowley stanting in the doorway, surprised as heck. "Umm", he trailed, "Did u and him, are you two, this is, ummm. Morning!" He then quickly turned and left, leaving me nearly caving over in laughter.

Downstairs, Crowley found Aziraphael who was retrieving a tray of crepes in the store. " Angel!" "Oh, Crowley, helloe" Zira turned smiling. "You and y/n slept together?" He blurted out, causing an elated and innocent sway to erupt from Zira. "Mm-hum" he replied on cloud nine.

Crowley paused for a second, hardly believing the angel's reply and reaction. Then shaking it off, he continued in this dirty way. " Well, how was it?" "Oh, it was marvelous!" Zira beamed exuberant. "Did you, was it, was it oral?" Crowley asked, still surprised.

"Was it oral? Whatever on earth are you talking about? How could sleeping be or-" Aziraphael's face suddenly blanked. And Crowley pushed though already seeing Zira realized, "You know, the sex?". Aziraphael straightened with near offense, "The what!?" He then hushed his tone hearing my light singing from upstairs, "How on earth did you draw such a conclusion?" Crowley shook his head knowing nothing of the sort happened between us two, and irritatedly explained, "I seen her in your room and you siad you two slept together! At an adults age that typically means something more that sleeping."

Aziraphael, back in his dellusional state beamed, "Y/n slept in my bed last night because she, she, she-" Crowley's eyebrows raised high above his glasses brim with expectation. "- She loves me and I love her- and, and she likes my bow tie."

With that, I suddenly approached the two in a similar state of euphoria. "Morning Zira!" He smiled back as I grabbed one of the crepes, and he played a soft kiss on my cheek, "Good morning my love!".

Crowley just crinkled his brow at the innocence of it all, before just shugging it off. I myself was such a fool to doubt the love of Zira all those years.

I mean looking back, what else should one expect of an Angel. 😇❤️💍

[alreadyjackbestfriend]

Can you write something about Jack having severe writers block, and the reader does something nice to get his mind off of it? 

writer´s block

A/N: heeyy, thank you for your request <3 sorry for taking so long, hope you like it!

***

Jack has been trying, really trying to write past the three verses he's accomplished in the last few days, none of them bearing any relation to the other.

He had put out his latest album a few months ago, and now found himself on a tour break, so there was really no rush, but he had never gone so long without writing something, the last time he had been able to finish something worthy of a song was 2 months ago... exactly the last night that he saw you.

As he ran his hands over his face in an attempt to clear his clouded mind, his cell phone vibrated on the desk. Jack looked at the screen, his heart skipped a beat as a smile appeared on his face, his cheeks filled with tender warmth, all of that just by reading your name.

“hi, gorgeous” he said immediately after accepting the call.

“hey, Jack” your sweet voice made him smile even more if that was possible, even causing his cheeks to hurt a little.

“to what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me?”

you and jack were almost new to each other, only a couple of months of knowing each other; long talks, a lot of flirting and a couple of kisses, but nothing official. but he was so drawn to you, you could put a smile on his face just by reading your name, you could make his heart race just by hearing your voice.

“a little birdie told me that you’ve been really stressed”

he chuckled, though it seemed more like a sigh. just a few days ago the new year had started and the whole team had at least a few weeks of vacation, so the only one who knew about his condition was urban, who was the only one who had seen him in the last few days locked in his home studio.

“that little birdie is gonna get his ass kicked”

He heard you gasp, “why?! he just wanted to help, and so do I”

“oh, so it’s a “he””

“fuck you jack, you know it was urban”

He laughed out loud, throwing his head back. he probably hadn't laughed since New Year's Eve. he couldn't see you, but you smiled hugely, you knew what you said wasn't that funny, so his laugh meant only one thing: he really liked you.

“so, do you have an hour for me?” you asked, and he raised a brow.

“mmm let me see…” he teased, and he heard you sigh, making him laugh again, “you know I always have time for you”

"That's great, because otherwise I would have to go back home, and it would be very disappointing" you said, behind him. Jack turned around in surprise, and saw you smile with the phone still attached to your ear, but you quickly put it down and ended the call.

"how...?" he asked, surprised.

"The little birdie…" you replied, feeling brave enough to sit on his lap, and he rolled his eyes with a smile on his face.

"mmm, now that I think about it, I guess I won't kick the birdie's ass anymore"

you laughed out loud, while he admired you. once you stopped laughing, you looked back at him, your faces extremely close. he put his hand on your chin, and with a short movement he brought your lips together. You heard a contented sound escape his throat and you smiled in the middle of the kiss, but you stopped having control of the situation once Jack put his hand on your thigh, making you sigh, you could feel the warmth of his skin even through your clothes.

"You're amazing", he said, making you smile again, "I can already feel the verses floating in my mind"

you giggled at his words, "I'm very flattered, but my main mission was to be able to distract you a bit"

"Oh, you are," Jack replied, trying to kiss you again, but you pulled away, causing his lips to pout and his eyebrows to draw together in disappointment.

"I have something for you" you said, giving him a little peck and taking his hand, both of you went up to the first floor, since the home studio was in the basement, and you led Jack towards the living room

Urban had let you in, and left right after, leaving the place at your disposal. It didn't take long, since a large part of everything you’ll need you had prepared at home. Urban had left the light dim, just as you asked, you just had to put a couple of candles in some places, and then put a tablecloth above the carpet, next to the basket, and then you emptied it, filling the tablecloth with snacks, and a bottle of a fruit liqueur.

It was an indoor picnic, obviously it would have been better to do it in the backyard, but it was impossible, unless the goal was to freeze to death, so you improvised something similar. In addition to the candles, Jack had a fireplace, which was perfect for the occasion.

You knew that it was a much more romantic setting than what you and Jack had shared before, which were usually conversations and kisses in hidden places at some parties, so you were nervous, but you hoped that Jack would take it well.

You watched him carefully while he looked at what you had prepared for him, and after a few seconds that felt like hours, he got you close to him, giving you a tender kiss.

"I love it, thank you"

you sighed with relief, giving him a smile.

"Why the sigh?" he asked curiously, sitting on the tablecloth, copying your movements. you thought for a moment about what to say.

"I was nervous" you decided to admit.

"why?" he replied, truly confused.

"I didn't know if..." you cleared your throat, "maybe this was too much? I know we're not a couple and..." in the middle of your chatter, you saw him smile, "what?"

"nothing" he said, still smiling.

"jack" you said, looking at him seriously.

"I was just thinking how cute you are" he said, and you blushed, making him smile even more, "this is perfect, y/n, you didn't have to be nervous"

"I'm glad you liked it" you said sincerely.

Jack didn't say anything else, he just approached your lips again, and what started as a tender kiss escalated quickly, leaving you lying on the ground, with Jack on top of you. between the heat of the fireplace and jack's body, you began to feel that the heat consumed you.

"jack, we haven't even touched the food" you said, between kisses

"I'm not hungry"

"And I only asked for an hour of your time," you said, raising an eyebrow. he stopped kissing you and looked at you smirking.

"Let's make it five" he replied, kissing you again.

"Jack!" you said, between his lips and your laughter.

"I'm going to write a lot of songs after this anyway"

[glittter-vamp]

Not The Same Anymore |J.B

Warnings/A.N: Angstyyyy. Arguments. Cussing. Mentions of Alcohol. Small mention of sex. Not my best work but wanted to post something. Sorry for any errors 🖤 (maybeeeee I’ll make a part 2 of y’all want it)

You were sitting in you car looking at the message from an unsaved number over and over again. You couldn't believe what it said and you thought it was a sick joke but no.

"Hey Y/N, this is Amanda, Joe's girlfriend. I've been thinking and I think it's best if you don't come to Joe's party tonight. I've seen the way you look at him and interact with him and frankly it's disrespectful to our relationship and me especially. I don't appreciate how close you two are and how flirty you are with him. So I think it's best if you didn't show. But if you decide to come, know we have security and they know not to let you in."

You felt humiliated, shocked, angry and hurt. You thought his girlfriend liked you. You and Joe have been really good friends since Ohio State and always ,he made an effort to include you in his life even after he made it big. You hadn't seen him in almost a year now due to his busy schedule though. You had been excited all week to go to the party he was throwing at his house, which he never did. You hadn't seen him in such a long time and you had just gotten in your car to drive over there when you had received that message.

After a moment of trying to comprehend what happened you decided to still go out anyways. The night was still young and you were dressed up. You didn't want this to ruin your night. Pissed off, you ended up at your bestfriends house. "Y/N?" Your best friend asks in confusion. "I thought you were going to Joe's Party?" She asks. You don't say anything but show her your phone. She reads the text and her jaw drops. "What the fuck? Oh, Y/N I'm so sorry. That's awful, what the hell is her problem?!" She says ushering me inside. "I feel like an idiot, I thought she was cool with me. Why would she do this? Especially the night of the party?" I ask. "Cause she's a total insecure bitch." Your best friend says making you laugh.

"C'mon, I'll get dressed and we can hit up some bars in downtown!" She says patting my back. "Yeah, I really need that." You nod giving her a small smile. You wait a little while for her to get ready. You sat on her couch debating on texting Joe some lame excuse about not being able to make it but honestly, he probably won't even care that you ended up not showing up. Your best friend finally finishes getting ready and you split an uber between the both of you to downtown.

We make our way to the first bar which wasn't too packed with people and we order our first drinks. "So, tell me how'd that date with what's his face go?" I ask my best friend. "It was good, we ended up going back to mine." She says blushing. " Oooo... was he good?" i wiggle my eyebrows. "I'm still sore..." she says and I squeal in excitement making her blush and laugh. "I'm so happy for you girl, he is super cute!" I say sipping my drink. "How about you? No one new?" she asks. "Nah. Works been so busy this is literally my first night out since we went out for Jackie's birthday! "I shake my head.

"Do you...still like...you know who?" she frowns. "I...don't know. I don't think I do, it's been so many years. He's obviously been dating other people & I think he sees me as a sister so it's not like that would ever work." I shake my head. "So that's a..yes that you still like him. Maybe, if that's the case then it's best that you didn't go to the party tonight after all, I know you're friendship with Joe means a lot to you but if you deep down have feelings for him, seeing him date anyone else is just going to ruin you for the rest of your life." She says. "Yeah, maybe so." I shrug taking another sip of my drink feeling embarrassed that you just basically admitted to still having a crush on someone from college.

The night goes on and we bar hop through the night. Meeting up a few people we know and around 12am at a crazy loud bar, you notice a few missed calls and text messages on your phone. By now you were feeling every ounce of liquor in your system. You open the text messages and see that they were from Joe.

Joey 🏈: Hey, you on your way? -10:12pm

Joey🏈: If you need the address again, let me know! -10:37pm

Joey🏈: Are you alright? still haven't heard from you...-11:24pm

Joey🏈: If you didn't want to come, could of just told me...not fucking cool to just ghost me like this -12:13am.

and in between those text messages were missed calls from him. You show your best friend the messages and she shakes her head. "Seems like she didn't tell him about uninviting you & is making you seem like the bad guy here. What royal bitch!" She shakes her head. "I don't even care anymore. I'm not dealing with this high school type of drama, we're not even as close as we used to be anymore for all this, he's probably just drunk and will forget about me in the morning." you shake your head putting your phone in your pocket and continuing your fun night out.

***********

The next morning you left your best friends house hung over as hell and made your way back to your apartment. You felt like absolute shit, but you had so much fun and appreciated her for going out with you to get your mind off things. Once you make it back home you take a much need shower and do your best to rehydrate yourself with a liquid IV. You definitely were not holding up like you used to after a night out and needed to nurse those hangover for the rest of the day.

As you popped a few aspirins in the kitchen, there was a loud knock on your door. You sigh and drag your feet over to the front door before opening it thinking it was annoying neighbor again asking you to walk more softly but you completely froze when you saw who it was. "Uh, hey..wh-what are you doing here?"You ask awkwardly as you look at the tall blonde in front of you. He also looked like he had quite the night last night.

"Can we talk?" Joe says obviously upset. "Sure." you say letting him in. You were nervous for what was about to come and also wondered how in the hell did he remember your address when you only gave it to him one time because he wanted to send you Bengals merch when he got drafted a few years back.

"Did I do something to you?" he asks as you shut the door. "What? No, why would you think that?" You ask. "Well, for starters you completely left me hanging last night. Then you ignored my calls AND left me on read. What the hell is your deal?" He asks crossing his arms and looking at you. "Nothing is my deal Joe, I just got caught up." You sigh giving him that lame excuse that you knew better than to give him. "Don't give me that bull shit Y/N, I saw your instagram story, you were at a bar! Multiple! Given what I saw!" He scoffs. "Why do you even care if i make it to your party or not? i'm sure the 100 other people there and your girlfriend were enough! You're a celebrity now remember? I'm just some girl you met in college that you barely speak to anymore." You snap back.

"Because you're one of my best friends! You're not some girl I met in college?! So, I expected to be something of a priority to you like you are to me!" He says and you sigh shaking your head. "Joe, I'm sorry I didn't go to your party last night, but aren't you blowing this a little out of proportion? We definitely don't prioritize each other, not since the day you left Ohio state...We barely see each other anymore, I mean last year we both forgot to text one another for each others birthdays...it's just not the same anymore and you know it." you sigh pushing your hair back and he shakes his head looking up at your ceiling clearly trying to keep his cool.

"I just don't understand why you would tell me twice during the week that you were going and then ignore me, to then find out you were bar hopping instead? I don't care how much has changed between us. It's fucked up! and it's something I'd never do you! When I say I'm going to do something, I mean it and I do it." He says sounding hurt which absolutely destroyed you inside. The last thing you wanted was to hurt him but you were getting very upset at being the bad guy.

Without saying anything you went and grabbed your phone. You opened Amanda's text handing him your phone and a look of confusion played upon his face. He reads the message and his face completely falls. "Y/N... I- I had no idea she sent you this message. I- "It's fine Joe, I get it. If I'm making her feel uncomfortable than I just need to step back and leave you alone." You shrug. "No, you don't! This isn't okay. She lied to me and crossed the line. I'm sorry Y/N... I truly didn't know and shouldn't came over here like this." Joe shakes his head looking back at the message. He was becoming enraged which didn't happen often, he was always so stoic & mellow. Even when they lost the super bowl and the AFC he barely showed any emotion on that.

"Maybe she's right you know, maybe I have crossed boundaries and should take a step back." you shrug and his head snaps up at you. "What are you saying?" he asks and you take a deep breath. "Maybe I am too flirty or too close with you and we should just be friends from a far or...not at all. I don't know...but I do know you really like Amanda and she comes first ya know? It's normal, it's what happens when you get in a serious relationship, things change with friendships around." You say holding in tears. "Y/N... C'mon don't do this over some stupid misunderstanding, we've gotten through much worse than this." Joe says swallowing hard.

"Have we? Cause I don't ever remember feeling like this when it comes to you. This is the first time you've ever been upset at me. It'll be better this way Joey & you know that was no misunderstanding. I'll still be watching every game & supporting every thing that you do. That you can always count on." I say hiding my sadness with a laugh.

"So that's it? Our friendship is just tossed in the trash because Amanda apparently says so?" He fake laughs. "Joe, our lives at a point where they're just different. It happens!! I mean look at you and Seth! You two were also inseparable in college and now look? He's married with kids and living in New York. When was the last time you heard from him? I think... I think our time is just up and you need to focus on your career and your relationship." You say letting a tear stream down your face.

"This is some bullshit you know, you were supposed to be there when I win the Super Bowl, when I finally get married and I finally had kids. Like you were there for me with the transfer to LSU, the NCAA win, The draft, my injury & making to the Super Bowl... shit you even helped me unpack when I bought my house out here and you're telling me that this is just what happens between friends because of life? Do you not remember, I'm also the guy that would look after you in college & make sure you'd make it back to your dorm after getting trashed at all these stupid parties your friends that I'm sure you don't even talk to either would drag you to? I was the one that would drive you to your parents every time you felt homesick, the one that would help you out with papers and studying?...that means nothing huh? Over a fucking bull shit text!?" He scoffs.

"Joe- No save it Y/N. You clearly made a choice here before I even walked through that door and without even talking to me about it. Have a nice life, Y/N." He says handing your phone back to you and storming out of the house slamming the door behind him without even taking one last glance to you. You couldn't help but let out a small sob and let the tears finally flow. This hurt way more than you could ever imagine. Letting your best friend and the only guy you've ever loved slip through you're fingers forever.

[beautyofsorrow]

building on this headcanon as posted here because i have spent so long rotating it in my head despite not having a plot to house it:

uhura is Not Into It at first but they eventually sway her into semi-regular attendance with the promise of overblown camp + comedy. i feel like she'd also be obsessed with pontypool due to the language aspects

hemmer doesn't like the violence but he'll discuss soundtracks and their efficacy ad infinitum in the mess hall

every halloween they try to binge the halloween franchise only to get two movies in and give up. they're obsessed with the franchise's refusal to respect its own canon though and talk so much about it that uhura assumes they've seen all the films at least five times

they keep a running spreadsheet of everything they've watched complete with stats and commentary. there's an entire column labeled "does the horse die?" if the answer is yes, they can't show it to captain pike

probably no one on that ship is normal about theo crain, but chapel and ortegas least of all

i have not decided what ortegas's favorite subgenre is but chapel's is one hundred and thirty-three percent the most Terrifying body horror. the fly (1986) is the one that got her into horror films

i can and will do so much with the alien franchise, but the fic i probably won't write yet think about so often is chapel + uhura post-1x09 curled up in uhura's bunk sharing a deeply platonic sort of grief while that first one plays

una chin-riley shockingly into horror films. no i will not elaborate.

speaking of una, i will never be over the chaos potential of in-universe explanations for satanic panic (2019)

spock has been banned from attending movie night because he talks too much and not in the fun kind of way, but he watches the films intently on his own time and then meets with them both to discuss

m'benga does not get it. at least once a year they make him sit through something they promise he'll like and he never comes out unscathed

pelia: "horror films? ah yes, what a delightful genre. have you see when a stranger calls? some of my best work" [cue shipwide uproar for the next three weeks]

films christine chapel cannot be normal about: lisa frankenstein, american mary, jennifer's body, return to oz

films erica ortegas cannot be normal about: the scream franchise, probably. and not just because of sidney's tank + boxers combo in the second one

[watching scream 5] ortegas: "why does that dude look so familiar?" chapel, 15 minutes later: "oh my god. it's boimler"

they've got a prepared speech about the superiority of practical effects and a special interest in replicating the grosser ones. captain pike finally asks sam kirk to cordon off a section of the science lab for them so they can stop causing shipwide alerts

that time they made una sit through So Many nightmare on elm streets despite the declining quality only for her to turn to them in the middle of dream master and roast them to a crisp by asking if it was going to get better or if their perception had been so skewed by their love of suit-up montages set to 80s dad rock that their judgment couldn't be trusted anymore

they do eventually win her back with new nightmare, tho

[anothd]

Tw. Suicide mentioned; calories and ed mentioned

Guess who isn't feeling good and have the biggest stress of life since i got sa'd? YES, MY DUMP ASS! THIS IDIOT OVER HERE. I feel dump, my head is dizzy and fuzzy cause of all this stress. I don't know anymore what to feel, except it's stressful. Maybe i feel worried? Or betrayed? Maybe just sad? Or angry? I don't really know and probably won't know. I'm just tired for now and don't wanna to worry them anymore, yet I know I can't continue living like this. For the whole night i slept not even 3h and woke up scared. Just like i had some nightmare I don't remember anymore. I need to focus on myself cause grandma noticed I slightly tremble. I want to cry and yell for attention and help. Yet I can't. I think I'll go buy some snacks today. I maybe want to loose some weight again and it wont help. Hell with how much i was pissed off when i noticed i ate more than 500 kcal in a day I know it'll sabotage all my progress. Yet maybe something tasty and sweet will help me to calm down. Maybe not chocolate, but an sweet candy soda (if ill get it at my village shop lol. If not then probably monster or black) and crisps. Ngl want to smoke badly, but everyone home so can't. Probably will smoke at night. It helps me to calm down. Maybe I'll buy beer and get drunk again? Last time wasnt good, but at least I wont remember it well again too. I need to calm down. I can't talk now, cause everyone have their problems and is busy, but when we all will ve ready I can't let my emotions control me too much. And now to focus on not puking or loosing consciousness around anyone. I'm so used to the second one i already can feel signs before, so I know I'm close. And well i guess puking in stress like this is common, especially it happened to me once. But oh well, don't want to worry my family. The biggest problem is that I know one of them reads this blog from time to time when worried. I mean i gave them info to check on me if something is wrong. I wanted them to check if they are worried. But not for them to lie they never checked and then send ss and talk about it behind my back. I hoped for confronatation even tho i hate em. I thought if they worry and see something is wrong and they decide to check they'll tell me. That was litteraly the only reason they got the faken info. It was a bad idea. Now idk if I even can trust them? Eh... I already was overstressed and tired from all this fatigue and couldn't do a shit, but oh well my fault. I won't annoy others anymore, i have plan to end it all. But now I'm also worried I'll act like a coward and won't do it. At least before i can do it i have whole week ahead. So I can change my mind, cause won't lie i decided on this way to fast. It will be place withiut much internet (mountains) and I'll only be able to use it in tourist spots and mountain shelters. But if next week after wednesday I won't make any post know I'm not here with you. Or fucking failed and in hospital. I hope they won't see it, and they wont talk about it behind my back and all.

[roninishere]

right now.

part one.

Giyuu Tomioka x female reader

Warnings: angst, in the feels, anxiety, bullying, self hate, bad grammar?

Summary: Life is incredibly unfair at times, this was one of them.

||

“You don’t think I can handle being a Hashira anymore..don’t you?” The way your voice cracked, really made him feel guilty.

And the worst part was, he had so much to say to you, but he just couldn’t.

Neither one of you ever left things like this, never. He regretted it the very moment you left for your mission. He knew that was probably one of the worst things he could let you think, and him not say a damn word. cause it wasn’t true.

‘Lights go down and
The night is calling to me, yeah
I hear voices
Singing songs in the street and I know’

As if his anxiety wasn’t already always so high, it kept him laying awake in bed. And he wasn’t the only one that couldn’t sleep, little Mio would cry her little lungs out. Every night for the first week you were gone. After day four, Giyuu discovered that her sleeping on his chest after he sang her the lullaby that you use to, her chubby pale fingers wrapped around his pinky was the key.

She slept peacefully, at least that made one of them.

‘That we won't be going home
For so long, for so long, but I know
That I won't be on my own
Yeah, I love this feeling and

Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)
'Cause right now everything is new to me (oh)
You know, I can't fight the feeling
And every night I feel it
Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)’

Giyuus couldn’t help it but his anxiety was so bad this time around, maybe because he never failed to worry about you every time you left for a mission. He knew that you could take care of yourself, you were a Hashira after all, but something wasn’t right.

He hoped you’d complete your mission and be home soon.

Until a week turned into two weeks. No letter from you, just your crow reporting his biggest fear.

You had gone missing after your encounter with the demon.

||

So he searched for you, having your crow take him where you went missing. Nothing. He found nothing. It was like you vanished out of thin air. That’s what scared him.

All the worst possibilities had flooded in his mind. Not his beloved. He couldn’t lose you too. Seven days and not a trace of what could’ve happened to you.

Don’t give up. She would never on you.

‘Late-night spaces
With all our friends, you and me, yeah
Love these faces
Just like how it used to be’

“You know, she probably just got sick of your shit and took off. I know I would with that ‘I’m not like you guys’ attitude.” Sanemi shrugged as Master called for a Hashira meeting to discuss about their missing Hashira comrade, and of course everyone was getting their lick in.

Taking shots. Giyuu never gave a shit about what they thought of him, but this wasn’t the time to being making allegations. You’d never leave him, he knew that. You’d never. They all knew that. Even if you were upset with him about your fight, you’d always come home. He and Mio were your reason for living, the reason you never gave up in this harsh world.

“I never understood what she saw in you anyways. Mr. High and mighty, must’ve said some messed up stuff.” Obanai added.

Their comments just angered Giyuu, his expression staying the same as his hand on his side balled into a fist, really? Right now?

His wife is missing, their beloved Hashira, and all they heard was that they had an argument before you left? He’s better off on his own.

Fuck he missed when you use to attend these meetings with him, threatening to fight the Wind and Serpent Pillar if he didn’t keep your husbands name out his mouth. When he had to throw you over his shoulder, and line up on the opposite side of them.

“That’s enough! This is serious, no matter what happened before she left for her mission, the situation still stands, a Hashira is still missing!” The love pillar glared at the two other pillars as she stood her ground. “Stop saying things that aren’t true! it’s not like Y/N to just go missing, especially after an encounter with a demon. Instead of bullying Tomioka-San, remember that’s his daughters mother you’re speaking of!”

Shinobu set a hand on her friends shoulder seeing she got all worked up, and was nearly in tears.

Zoning out everyone, Giyuu set towards Masters Estate once Amane came out with Mio in her arms. “Tomioka-san, still no progress?” Giyuu returned her bow as he took the toddler in his arms.

“No,” his voice was calm as the little girl gripped his index finger in her chubby fingers with the cutest burst of laughter to see her father. “Would be alright if I bring her back tomorrow afternoon?”

He hadn’t noticed the pillars stopped their bickering behind him, seeing how much the little girl in his arms looking like their missing pillar. Same eyes, same smile, and hair color. If Mio didn’t have Giyuus pale complexion and similar hair style, she would’ve been a spilt image of her mother.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a few more days? You’ve been gone for a week, you should rest.”

He wanted to, but he couldn’t give up now “I’ll rest once I find Y/N. I made a promise, isn’t that right princess?” His dark blue ocean eyes were soft as he caress her cheek, giving it a little pinch getting a squeal out of the baby.

“I understand, then of course, bring her by tomorrow afternoon,” The masters wife waved at the little girl.

��And we won't be going home
For so long, for so long, but I know
I won't be on my own
On my own, I'm feeling like

Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)
'Cause right now everything is new to me (oh)
You know, I can't fight the feeling
And every night I feel it
Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)’

“almost done princess.” It was easy for him to do his own hair, but doing it on someone else, let alone a baby, was harder. Well he just had to be very delicate. His hands were gently as he brushed her hair that was surprisingly long, already down past her shoulders. The Hashira sat on his knees behind Mio who was making cute silly faces to her father, waiting for him to see her reflection in the mirror.

When he finished putting her hair in a loose ponytail, he sighed softly before looking up in the mirror to see her sticking her tongue at him before breaking out in a giggle fit before she tried to crawl away, “and where do you think you’re going, come here silly,” he crawled over to her playfully as she let out playfully screams before he snatched her up in his arms “I gotcha!”

“D..da-ada!” Mio exclaimed causing Giyuu to freeze, did she just? She just said her first word!

He smiled so big at her of happiness before a feeling of sadness washed over him, she said her first word…and you weren’t here. You were missing her first word.

If you were here, he could see you getting all excited yet jealous that of course her daughters first word was dada! You’d pout but definitely treasure this moment with him. He never dropped his smile, not wanting to upset his daughter as he fought the fears that were building up.

I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I failed to protect you. I’m so sorry. I will find you and bring you back home.

God he missed you so much, so fucking much. He felt like someone stabbed him, and was turning the blade in his stomach over and over. Like a thousand pounds were on his chest, making it so hard to fucking breathe. He felt someone had a grasp on his heart, squeezing it to see how long before its burst.

His heart was breaking every second you were away from them, every time he subconsciously thought of the worst.

||

After being unsuccessful the second time, he grew frustrated, but he wasn’t giving up. He made a promise to his pride and joy that he would bring you back home.

“Alright,” he stood over Mio as the little girl stood up, she had been determined for the past few days, trying over and over again, now matter how hard she fell. Definitely reminded him of you, too stubborn to stop. Slowly and steadily letting go of her hands, Giyuu walked over a few paces as she struggled to stand on her own. “Come here Mio, walk to me.”

His arms reached out for the toddler as she took a very wobbly first step, nearly falling but caught herself with her hand before pushing back up. The second step made the Hashira smile, her first steps already. The third one quickly turned into a sloppy fourth one when she crashed into Giyuus arms with a fit of giggles. Bringing her into his lap, he smothered her in face kisses “Good job princess,” he nearly folded when she reached out, tugging on his cheek.

You missed her first steps too.

Y/N, wherever you are, I hope you’re safe, just hold out a little longer.

‘Lights go down and
I hear you calling to me, yeah

Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)
'Cause right now everything is new to me (oh)
You know, I can't fight the feeling
And every night I feel it
Right now I wish you were here with me (oh)’

On his third attempt, he went nine miles north of where you encountered the demon, to find ripped pieces of your haori around the area. Picking up them up, the pieces lead him to w trail where your sword laid, nearly covered in leaves.

His heart steered to swell, his hands started shaking when he bent down to pick your sword up.

Not his Y/N. Please not her.

How much more would this world take from him?

Balling his fists, his cloudy vision searched every inch of the area for you, you were close, he knew it. “Y-Y/N?!”

The more he called out your name, the more his voice broke, where were you?

Give me a sign please.

Instead he felt the presence of a demon, gripping your sword tightly in his hands. The footsteps got closer, right behind the Hashira, and once he jumped up, flipping back to attack… he froze, unable to commit as your once beautiful eyes were now large cat like ones.

No. Impossible!

He kicked you away from him, hating the twisted turn in his stomach of causing harm to you. Once he landed in his feet, they immediately buckled, his knees crashing on the leaves underneath him. His once calm expression crumpled as his bottom lip trembled. Tears welled up in his pretty blue eyes as they ran down his cheeks uncontrollably.

“N-no…p-please…no…” he begged, his voice so hoarse.

It felt like someone ripping his heart out his chest as the quiet environment echoed with his sobs.

Please, someone wake me up from this horrible nightmare.

Until reality hit him that this was REAL. Tomioka, Y/N, the love of his life, his beloved, the mother of his daughter…

A demon.

The loud nasty snarls escaped your lips made him wince as you bolted to him, ready to attack.

I can’t do it, I-I can’t, he told himself.

Getting to his feet, he once again dodged your attacks with tears down his pale cheeks “Y/N! Snap out of it! P-please! You know who I am!” He cried out as he tried to regain you back, regain his wife.

Even though you should’ve been faster and stronger than him, despite his emotions, he easily blocked your sloppy movements coming to conclusion that you haven’t fed on anyone, yet. And you wouldn’t, especially if he had anything to do with it. Remembering him, he had to get you to remember, remember your life over your desire for human flesh and blood.

“I-it’s me! G-giyuu, your husban-nd!” Tossing the swords to the side, he wouldn’t attack you, he refused. He couldn’t hurt you. He sniffled, wiping his face as he side stepped to avoid you “r-remember the day we-e first kissed? It-t was under the fireworks-s, you were so beautiful-l in that orange k-kimono. I-it was fall,” he held back a sob as you growled like a beast in the shadows “come-e back to me Y/N, f-fight it!”

Fireworks? Kiss? You in an orange kimono? Oh when you felt those butterflies in your tummy? When you thought you were pass out from how overwhelming feeling of love and desire you felt for him? That day? You remember that day! You had just turned eighteen that fall.

Seeing your eyes widen and halt for a moment, he kept going even when you went for a hit “M-Mio! H-how hard you cried when you held her in you-ur arms, y-you said she was a-as beautiful a-as a cherry B-blossom even though she l-looks just like you…Y-you c-call her your precious c-cherry blossom.”

Mio. My precious cherry blossom. My blessing. My baby girl.

Tears built up in your eyes as frustration was new to you, so lost, so hungry. So thirsty. Just a taste…

No! I can’t, my Mio, my Giyuu I just want to hold and kiss my family. I want my life back. Fight it Y/N! You’re not hungry nor thirsty, you’re not hungry nor thirsty. You’re not a monster. Remember Nezuko, there’s hope, hope, you don’t have to be a killer. You’re not a killer. You can still be you, and still protect.

You’re not hungry nor thirsty.

Those sobs filled your eyes as you felt it tug in the pit of your stomach, make it stop. You’re not hungry or thirsty.

‘Ensure you feed. If you feed, it’ll make the pain stop.’ That unfamiliar voice repeated itself in your head, and just when you thought you had complete and utter control, you didn’t.

Your mouth was watering, you were hungry and thirsty.

Not expecting the quick snap, the hashira did his best to avoid, but not before you go scratched up Giyuu pretty good. Jumping back, he felt pain on the left side of his cheek and neck, blood trickling down slowly. Lifting his head up, his hair moved to the side exposing the damage you had done.

Mild cuts on his left cheek and neck…

The first time you saw Giyuu with scratches on his face…the two of you had been on your third mission together when he pushed you out of the way to take nails to his face from a demon. You…you had felt so guilty…because you weren’t…paying attention? Ah yes.

Second time was when he came home from a mission…he got marked up when a child was caught in the crossfire of an attack. He..didn’t go to see Shinobu…he came straight home, the incident scared him half to death, thinking of you and your unborn baby…

Except this time around, you were the cause of it.

You hurt him.

You. A demon. Hurt your husband.

Stopping in your tracks, your hands shook as your balled them in fists, digging your nails in your palms as your heavy breathing sounded almost like it hurt, it was ragged and shallow. Your eyes switched from hunger to full of fear as you’re backed away from your husband.

Flooding of all the good memories in your life flashed through your head; running away from an abusive family to join the corps, your friends, meeting Giyuu, falling in love, getting married, becoming an hashira, and having be blessed with the most beautiful baby girl.

Mio. Giyuu. They are you family Y/N REMEMBER THAT! Your everything!

Backing up into a tree, your hands shook as you blocked out that desire to feed “I-I-…” that burned sensation was fighting you, but you refused for it to win. No!

“You breathe life into my existence, making every moment worth living…” your eyes flickered over at the Water Hashira when your heart fluttered at those oddly familiar words. Meeting your sad gaze, his monotone explained “you’ve told..me that since we’ve met.”

Of course you did. He and Mio were your breathe of fresh air, the reason you chose to live in this fucked up world. Overwhelming pit of sadness returned, engulfing you as you broke down in tears, crying out in pain, crying out how sorry you were. How sorry you were for failing, for being weak.

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😭 I hope you enjoyed! I really tried with this one, and very much enjoyed writing it! I promise they’ll will be more parts! SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT TO @unofficialmuilover FOR THE HELP AND BASICALLY HAND HOLDING ME THROUGH WRITING THIS 🫶🏼💙 LOVE YOU GUYS! 🫶🏼

Going to bed 🫶🏼 my stubborn ass wanted to finish this and I got muster in the morning 😭