#cause just thinking about it even more pisses me off.
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In defense of MelJay
I just need to say this…SHUT UP! Yall are all tap dancing on my last nerve.I’m am at my wits end with this fandom. Every time I think we take one step forward some dufus pushes us two steps back.
Okay. I’m arguing with a JayVik shipper on TikTok who says MelJay is boring and toxic. I am about to explode this shit can’t still be the main conversation about this ship.
So first off MelJay is “boring”. This isn’t unique to JayVik nor is it the first time someone has said this about MelJay, but I always find it weird when people say certain ships are boring. The ships in question are usually just chill and communicative so there is no needless drama. This probably relates more to online fandoms’ obsession with romanticizing toxicity but I digress. It’s weird that the tension and political intrigue,something of which yall claim to love about the show overall, is in someway boring. The fact they are not constantly arguing or disregarding each other was nice cause I hate that those interactions are normalized in fandom in regard to romantic ships. If one of them had something to say then they would just say it and they would discuss it and move on like a normal couple. There is a lot to digest with them though as separate characters and as a couple. While Mel and Jayce are similar they obviously are not exactly alike. Mel it’s a lot more closed off and tempered and Jayce is more emotionally open and is hot headed. Both want to do good and have enough ambition to do so. It is their methods that differentiate them. Mel is more comfortable working behind the scenes whereas Jayce runs head first. These little differences offers up moments of character growth for both these characters. Mel started to become more aggressive (she was never docile) in her emotions and tactics where Jayce became more level headed.
The second one is that they are toxic. I’m going to keep this part short cause I already addressed this multiple times on this tumblr, so I’ll just bring up my highlights. Mel was not manipulating Jayce throughout their whole relationship. The only times where we see her manipulations is with Hoskel , but f him who cares about that man, and Jayce during progress day when they weren’t even together and Viktor wanted Jayce to do the same thing Mel was asking him to do. He didn’t even listen to her either. Mel and Jayce were genuinely attracted to one another so no she didn’t eventually fall for him she liked him from the first kiss. After a certain point we must recognize that Jayce was coming to Mel for advice and she gave it. Whether he listened to her or not. The investment line, an investment to Mel is not the same as investment to Jayce. An investment to Mel is like an action word. She invested in Hextech cause she genuinely believed in Jayce and Viktors ability to do good and she wanted to help similar to how a parent invest in their child, not because they think they’ll get something in return but because they love and believe in their kid. Jayce knows that, hence why he apologized for insinuating otherwise.
A lot of the so called toxicity the fandom claims they see is cause no one is meaningfully engaging with Mel or Jayce as characters but are just trying to get them to work in whatever ship they see fit.
Listen at the end of the day ship who you want but how you ship is gonna get your critiqued. For the love of anything that’s holy engage with the characters as their own separate entities. Your ships will thank you for it.
Ps I doubt this will be the last time some one will piss me off about Mel, Jayce or their relationship but I’m trying to keep this page more happy, for a lack of better words,so I’m trying not to rant to much. I got one more though. It’ll be way shorter though.
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chasing you.
you avoid him. he catches you. dealer!reader x client!chris blurb <3
He's starting to think he's the problem. Those are words Chris never thought would form in his brain—But here he is, trying to figure out why hasn't seen you all week.
It doesn't make any sense. You're always around campus, yet when he's actively looking for you, you're nowhere to be seen. Chris doesn't even want to talk to you. He just wants to give you your shit back so Matt will stop bothering him about it.
Even though he's your friend—And he was the one to even invite you to the party in the first place—He has to return your heels cause apparently, Matt has better shit to do then chase you around all day.
He's been all around campus looking for you. If you're not at the campus cafe, he's gonna launch your heels at Matt's head.
Matt is so lucky you're here.
You're in the corner at a booth with tons of books and your computer in front of you. You're not your usual neon colored self. There's no star clips in your hair. You don't have on an overly tight top. No flared jeans. You're unrecognizable.
He can see the fear settle in your eyes as he walks up to you. So, you were avoiding him.
"Chris." The tension in your voice is quite frankly, insane. That night, after leaving you in his room, all he did was talk to Matt about what to do with you and then passed out on the couch after the party was over. What could he have done in that time?
"Kid, I know you were shitfaced last week, but I can't believe you forgot all about your stuff." You blink at him multiple times. "What?"
He shoves your heels and tights that are stuffed in them to you, "Y'know? All this?"
You slowly take them, your face lighting up. "Oh... Oh!"
"Huh?" He's confused. You were all gloomy just a second ago, and now you look like a kid on Christmas morning.
"Mh....I thought we fucked, if I'm being completely honest." He watches you tuck your heels away into your bag. "This reminded me we didn't, thanks."
Chris, for once in his life, is speechless. You were avoiding him because you thought you guys fucked. Honestly, he'll take this over you being all over Aiden. He wonders if you remember that... he's not gonna bring it up.
Huh. This is probably how the girls he sleeps with feel after they wake up alone in the morning.
"Nah, I don' fuck my brothers friends." You tilt your head at him, annoyingly, and raise your eyebrow. "Michelle."
"Doesn't count."
"Brittany."
"Also doesn't count."
"Vivi—"
"You friends with all the girls I fuck or somethin'?" You laugh, loudly. Bringing attention to yourself, but you don't care. You're definitely back to your usual self. "Some of them. They're wondering why I'm hanging around Mr. Community Dick."
Chris rolls his eyes. "Matt deserves that title."
"Eh, you guys are tied." You smile at him. And he gets that feeling in his chest again. The one that makes him feel like he's dying. When you start looking at him like he's crazy makes him remember that you guys are having a conversation and process that's he's staring at you.
He awkwardly coughs. "Whatcha' got all these books for anyway?" You groan, resting your forehead on the table. "Ecology."
He blinks.
"Plants." You sit up, resting your head in your hands, "Its the study of how living organisms interact with their physical environment—"
"We get it. You're smart. Trust."
"Well—" You flush at the compliment. Maybe not pissing you off gets him places. "That's just the definition!"
He eyes the stacks of books at your table. "You got a test, or are you just a nerd?"
You scoff. "I'm not a nerd. We have a test, and since my teacher writes questions like she hasn't talked to a human being in years, I'm doing some light reading."
"Light reading?" He teases. "Whatever." He checks his phone as you roll your eyes, well shit.
He spent way more time talking to you than he thought he would. He's gonna be late to the class he promised Nate he'd go to for the first time in forever.
"Gotta go," He says, beginning to walk backward towards the exit, "Don't drink so much next time, alright, kid? Not tryna chase you around again."
"I would've remembered eventually!"
tags 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚: @inspiredangel @whore4mattsturniolo @domizzzsstuff @sosasturns @drewswife
#theyluvpeach★#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sub chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#sub matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturiolo fanfic#sturniolo x you#sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris x reader#matt sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo
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Are there any other interesting tidbits/changes in the Sonic movie novelization?
I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the first book lol I was really only interested in whether the writers had given Tails more of a backstory (which they did… kinda), so that’s why I read the second. However! I did read reviews online that said the first developed Tom & Sonic’s relationship more than in the movie.
Notable mentions in the 2nd book:
•Sonic 2 takes place 8 months after Sonic 1
• Tails spent many months seemingly looking for Sonic… He built those weapons Maddie & Rachel used at the wedding to account for the “natural disasters, dangerous adversaries, and booby traps” he encountered. (I mean!! That’s a whole tv show in itself!!)
• He also built a gun that atomizes things and he’s afraid of it, but he keeps it in his arsenal as a last resort. The text says that he isn’t sure it should be used, which is so interesting to me.
• I think he originally set out to look for the Master Emerald, but the Miles Electric (not what it's called in this universe but that’s what it is) kept picking up its energy across different planets... and somehow he knew that energy belonged to Sonic?
• Earth is the planet the rest of the galaxy is warned about lol
• Knuckles calls Sonic a Child of Mobius. Tails says that's "the traditional home of our kind".
• Tails is looking to find Sonic before “their enemies” do (weird that they have common enemies when they’ve never met?? WHO has Tails pissed off?????? Paramount!! I need to know!!)
• He was ready and willing to prepare Wade's garage for a siege attack (in exchange for stealing the police cruiser and driving it off a cliff). So, again—who has Tails pissed off?
• Instead of "The Master Emerald? That's just a bedtime story!" "Well, he believes it's real," it's "That's just a bedtime story!" "No, it's real. I should know. I think I’m one of the few still looking for it.” (What if one of his ‘enemies’ is Rouge? 👀)
• Tails runs the red light, and Sonic takes the wheel. Meanwhile, Tails climbs in the backseat of the cruiser to build speed boosters mid-chase 'cause Sonic was complaining they were going too slow xD. (This is where the "Promise? Promise you won't go anywhere?" happens :'))
• Tradition among the echidnas was to do an organ swap to make an alliance. Knuckles just breaks Eggman's hand instead, but that's… a part of the lore now. (edit: this is in my Top 5 favorite things from this book. I can imagine someone pitching this idea & the writer’s room going “what the fuck this is a kids movie” lmao)
• Tails offered to help Sonic in Siberia. No "I'm not a field guy!" protests here!
• Short Tails vs Eggman on the mountain (with very Sonic Raised Tails vibes 🥹; the text even says "Tails mocked the villain, almost like Sonic would have")
• Sonic doesn't believe he can fight Eggman and Knuckles alone after the wedding. Tom actually gives him a pep talk.
• Eggman's full name is Ivo Gerald Robotnik (Is that canon in other sonic medias?? I tried looking it up, but I don't see his name like that anywhere, yet I swear I already knew before I read it… *Is his full name canon, I mean. Ivo Gerald Robotnik.)
• Book Sonic reminds me of Modern Sonic more than his movie counterpart sometimes tbh
• There are multiple holograms of Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails at the start of the robot fight instead of just Tails.
• Maddie and Tom literally run through fire to reach Sonic
• Tails names Super Sonic!
• Instead of summoning a chili dog to prove he's not been corrupted by the Emerald, Sonic makes a fart noise with his armpit that has the "decibel of a bomb blast"
• Sonic recreates the Master Emerald, not Knuckles
• "Gotta go fast!" (when Sonic is running across the ocean to meet Eggman and Knuckles at the temple) and "Way past cool!" (post-battle when Tails introduces Knuckles to the power bump)
#sonic movie universe#sonic movie spoilers#sonic novel spoilers#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#sonic and tails#unbreakable bond#knuckles the echidna#tom wachowski#maddie wachowski#also if any of those happened in the movie i'm sorry#it's been a while since i've watched it lol
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tainted love
pairing: javier peña x steve murphy
cws/tags: only one bed, when you gotta jerk off ur partner bc he can't sleep but it's just a platonic thing dw #totallynotgay, use of f-slur, frottage, watching porn together briefly, mutual masturbation, technically infidelity ig but what connie doesn't know can't hurt her
summary: steve can't sleep and he's keeping javi up, so they have to jerk off ???
a/n: homosexual activities return to my blog
thank you to @almostempty for your help w this ! i could not have done this w/o you
wc: 3k
It’s not the first time Javi’s ended up with Steve’s name on his lips and his own hand wrapped around his cock. It’s not an everyday occurrence – Javi has tons of masturbation-worthy images in his collection of sacred memories. He’s got dalliances with hookers, something more and simultaneously less with that one communist girl, even Lorraine, back when she was something other than a blurry, ever-present mistake in his periphery. But, these thoughts are finite. In desperation, he’ll search for more.
Sometimes more is his partner, partner in work, not in sex, not really, not yet. It comes down to the way Steve looks when he’s pissed off, the way anger forces him into physical contact despite the fact that he’s not a touchy-feely guy. It’s the time he had Javi pressed up against the wall in the hallway of the DEA office in Medellin – it felt like deja vu, he’d seen that moment on an x-rated videotape that no one would ever know he rented. Fuck government secrets, it’d take a harsh interrogation to get Javi to reveal the fact that he watched gay porn by his own volition. More than once.
It’s a sleepless night like any other except Javi’s not in his own bed or anyone else’s, he’s in a hotel room he’s sharing with Murphy. It’s not the worst thing that could’ve happened – he could’ve gotten stuck with Stechner, but Messina decided to pair up with him for a reason Javi doesn’t want to hear about.
There’s alcohol somewhere, but not in his overnight bag – maybe in the minibar, but that’s on the far side of the room and whether it comes out of his pocket or not, the prices make him feel sicker than a hangover would.
Though he and Steve are facing away from each other, he can tell that he’s not sleeping either. It needles at him in the dark. Steve’s wakefulness bleeding onto Javi’s side of the bed, his body heat threatening to burn through the ever present wall of masculinity that keeps him at a distance.
Murphy tosses and turns to the point where Javi wonders if he’s doing it for attention – he’s doing a great job if so. Javi rolls over to tell him to cool it.
“Would you cut that shit out?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“Neither can I. Because of you.”
Steve shrugs as best one can in his position.
“What do you want? A bedtime story?”
“Might be kinda nice.”
“Alright,” Javi says, like he’s really committed to the idea. “One night, there was a DEA agent who killed his partner–”
“Okay. I get it.”
“How the fuck does Connie sleep in the same bed as you?”
“I guess I don’t really toss and turn when I’m with her.” He pauses.
“She usually holds me – or I hold her. Not like a baby or anything, but you know…”
“You need to be cuddled to sleep? Seriously?”
He really seems to think about it. “No.”
“‘Cause the only way I’m holding you is in a headlock.”
“How do women sleep with you, huh? You’re wide awake and pissy about it.”
“When I said women sleep with me, I didn’t mean it literally.”
“So, you kick ‘em out of bed? Sounds about right,” Murphy says it with a smirk, like he’s gotten one over on Javi, but he hasn’t.
“No, they know to leave. Or, I do. It’s bedroom etiquette. You wouldn’t know.”
“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve got something better – a wife. She sleeps with me for free.”
“God knows why.”
“She loves me. I’m loveable, Javi.”
That one strikes a nerve, but Javi doesn’t dare let it show.
“Maybe by her standards.”
“You saying she has low standards?”
“She could do better. She’s a very nice woman.”
“What does that mean?”
“Relax, man. I’m not trying to fuck your wife. I’m not that much of a scumbag.”
“Good. Not that I think she’d be into you anyway.”
“Plus, I can get laid without traveling to Miami.”
Steve huffs. It was a low blow, Javi’s willing to admit that.
“Okay, listen. We gotta be up in the morning, so let’s get practical here. You with me, Murphy?”
“Aye aye, cap,” he says with the least enthusiasm.
“So, she’s been gone for a while, and I don’t see you coming to work looking like complete shit – at least, not any worse than you used to — so how are you getting to sleep?”
“I mean, I usually, you know…”
When Javi gestures to say go on, though he’s pretty sure he knows, Steve says much quieter, “Jerk off.”
“Was it that hard to say it?”
“I mean, it’s a little awkward.”
“What are you? 12? Everyone jerks off.”
“So, what? You want me to just jerk off?”
“Not here,” he says incredulously at the notion despite the fact that it does excite him. “In the shower if you have to.”
“I don’t usually do it in the shower.”
“You get to try something new then.”
“If I have to get up, then dry off, get dressed again, I think it’ll just start the whole process over.”
“So what? You want me to go stand outside and wait for you to finish?”
“The idea doesn’t sound unappealing…”
“No way am I doing that.”
Pissed off and admittedly aroused by the thought, he suggests, “You know what? Fuck it – put up a pillow barrier between us, and go ahead. Find something on pay-per-view so I don’t have to hear anything from you.”
“You serious?”
“If it’ll help you sleep.”
They fight over pillows and that’s only half the battle.
“Do you think they’ll know we’re buying–”
“Yes, so get something normal, will you? I don’t want anything weird showing up on the bill.”
“Relax. What’d you think I was gonna pick?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really think about your porn habits.”
“Well, what do you like?”
“What?”
“What do you like, Javi? We should find something we agree on.”
“So, now I’m a part of this?”
“I was trying to be nice.”
Javi stays silent while Steve rattles off possibilities. “We’ve got lesbians, mature women, threesomes…”
Javi gives him an unenthusiastic ‘sure’ to each option.
“Oh, here’s the gay section,” Murphy says with a laugh.
And to avoid an awkward silence, Javi jokes - or tries to, “Don’t knock it till you try it.”
And Steve’s head turns around faster than you’d think was possible. “Oh, so you’ve tried it?”
“I was making a joke.”
“That’s not a no.”
“Why do you even care? Just stop stalling and pick something.”
Though he’s clearly still considering prying, he settles on whatever the most basic shit is – some blonde girl getting railed by some dude with a cock big enough to distract from his lackluster face.
It’s about a minute of fake moaning that somehow makes things worse before Steve asks, “Do you think if we change the channel, they won’t charge us since we barely watched it?”
“Might as well try. Turn on PBS or something. That shit’s always free.”
It’s free but it’s a science documentary. Slimy jellyfish and the old men who know a concerning amount about them flood the screen.
“Just turn off the TV,” Javi says, unable to hide his disgust.
Murphy spits into his hand, takes his cock out, and Javi is listening intently to it all. It makes him uncomfortably hard. He won’t sleep if he doesn’t get off, and at this point there’s no real shame in it.
They breathe in tandem, each strangled sound egging the other one on, until Steve dares to ask, “So, you said you’ve watched gay porn before?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you didn’t say you haven’t.”
“Fine. Yes, I have. Can we go back to not talking right now?”
“But I’m curious.”
“Keep your curiosity to yourself.”
“Have you ever done anything with a guy?”
“Why? Do you want me to tell you a story about me getting a handjob from some guy outside a bar when I was hammered? You really wanna get off to that?”
“Maybe. If you can jazz it up a little.”
“I barely even remember it.”
That’s not entirely true.
Sure, the memory’s faded a little over time, but he wasn’t blackout drunk like he wants Steve to believe. He was young, and a little bit desperate due to a recent breakup. It was hard to put on a face that said ‘I’m approachable and you’d have a good time if I took you home,” so the only attention he got that night was from a guy only a bit older than him, he’d guess. It was the kind of thing where he should’ve known it wasn’t friendly banter from the beginning, and maybe he did – he just didn’t want to believe that he was letting this happen, that he was engaging in it, that he was enjoying it.
It got a little touchy-feely in a way real Texan men aren’t supposed to, unless they’re faggots. The word rings in Javi’s ear, and it’s the only thing louder than Murphy’s heavy breathing, which is far closer in time and space.
The guy – whose name he’ll likely never know – led him outside and whatever ‘it’ was went down in an alley.
“Did you like it?”
“I liked it enough.”
Enough to cum from a handjob alone, and enough to try to give one back, and the only reason he didn’t really get to was because his hands shook, and it was summertime.
‘You’re not used to this are you?’.
‘No, I’ve never…’
‘It’s okay,’ he said, removing Javi’s hand, gingerly, almost apologetic.
The goodbye kiss was anything but – it was tongue and teeth, indulgent. You could say it was self-indulgent on the other guys’ part, but you’d be wrong. It felt like it lasted longer than the handjob, and maybe it did, but god, that’d be too embarrassing to admit even in his own mind. It was the kind of kiss that dared Javi’s cock to spring back to life and he fought it desperately.
‘See you around.’
But the pair never did. Javi convinced himself it never happened and during drinking games or friendly teasing he insisted that he’d never touched another man, just like every other friend of his.
So, why would he tell Steve?
Before Murphy can ask another goddamn question, he turns it on the fucker, “Why don’t you tell me about your sex life?”
“I mean, besides Connie, there hasn’t been anyone since I was, fuck, I don’t know…”
“Is Connie any good?”
“Of course she’s good.”
Javi waits for the ‘but’ with a raised eyebrow, and it comes.
“It just gets boring, alright? I love her, though.”
And Javi knows he does. He knows he does because Murphy can’t sleep without her in bed beside him.
It doesn’t miss Javi that Steve’s breath falters more when Javi’s name leaves his mouth.
“Javi…” He’s been stroking himself the entire time, but he’s not close, it’s not a plea to cum. It’s a hesitant question.
“Yes, Murphy?”
“Why do you always call me by my last name?”
“I don’t know, Steve.”
It’s just to get a reaction out of him, which it does, subtle enough that another person might not catch on, but Javi’s waiting for it.
And the reason is probably somewhere between the fact that he calls everyone by last name - and, come to think of it, it’s actually kinda weird that Murphy calls him by his first name - and because he feels like exchanging first names equals real friendship and somehow, that’s too intimate for Javi.
“Is that better?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Steve…”
“Yeah?”
“You want this, right?”
“If you do.”
“You gotta tell me. ‘Cause I’m not doing anything if you’re not into it.”
The distance between them dissipates. It doesn’t matter who closes the gap – if one didn’t, the other would.
Javi looks back and forth between Steve’s cock and his mouth and tries to decide what’s right. Because he wants both, he has to find another metric to measure, to make his choices for him.
Dive right in and take Steve’s cock in his hand to avoid the intimacy that locking lips requires? Kiss him to quiet everything including his own mind?
He’s dumbfounded for a moment and you’d think he’s the one who’s never touched a man before if you didn’t know any better. The thing is: Javi can jerk another man off, even give a likely mediocre drunken blowjob. The difference is, this is Steve, naked in bed beside him. The difference is, he’s thought about this. The decision to do this shouldn’t be this easy when he’s sober. But his inhibitions are dangerously low because he’s dreamed about this.
He’s played out fantasies before that he knows wouldn’t - shouldn’t – become reality. There are countless reasons not to do this - Steve is married, this could ruin both of their careers, this could compromise the most important case in DEA history.
There is only one reason this should happen: desire.
Javi leads with his heart not his head (admittedly, his dick has influenced this specific decision to a significant degree).
His contemplation is cut off by Murphy’s lips pressed to his. The kiss is hesitant only until Javi reciprocates. Then it leans more towards animalistic than sweet but it’s needier than anything. Between the two of them desperation has only ever led to tension that boils over into fighting, but somehow insomnia is all it took to get them here.
His brain has one thought playing on loop - the simple fact that he is actively kissing Steve Murphy. Until his mind is free of thoughts. Sex usually works like that for him, particularly with women ‘cause he doesn’t have to worry about the persistent guilt and fear of getting caught in the back of his mind, but his stress rarely fades at just kissing. Maybe they’re not just kissing. It feels like something more. Javi can’t think, but he sure as hell can feel, and he’ll feel this for days, weeks, months, maybe years if he’s really unlucky and there’s no feeling strong enough to replace this one.
The pillows that stood between them are now strewn across the floor as are the pretences. This isn’t one coworker tolerating another’s nighttime routine – at the very least, this is a friend helping a friend in a time of need. But that sounds too innocuous – too generous, even sacrificial. What they’re doing is fumbling around in the dark (even though Javi aches to turn on the lamp, to see, to savor) trying to find out how to get this over with the quickest, what will make the other cum first while learning how to drag this out, how to tease, how to get the other to the edge and no further. How to do this together.
It starts with the kiss, with Javi lazily stroking his own cock until he dares to place his hand on Steve’s inner thigh. It’s a hesitant question and a final warning, and in response Steve’s breath hitches. They lock eyes for a moment before Javi removes Steve’s hand from his cock and replaces it with his own. There is no protest, only a low groan before he takes Javi’s cock in his hand with a firm grip that makes it feel more like retaliation than returned favor. It also feels way too fucking good. Javi takes it as an invitation for competition, his right hand is more dedicated and focused, moving faster while his left grabs Steve’s jaw and brings him into a kiss fueled by a passion that feels closer to rage than love.
Javi takes Steve’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugs on it slightly, as if a gentle pull in the right direction would bring Steve into Javi’s lap. It elicits a startled jump in his ragged breath - and they were long overdue to pull back for a breath - Javi takes the opportune moment to tell Steve to come closer in a voice that one uses to discipline an unruly soldier.
Javi has to maintain a certain amount of control through aggression lest he let the mask slip and reveal his own nervousness, his curiosity, how little he really knows about how this is supposed to go, and how much he wants to press Steve flat on the mattress and take this slow.
He finds himself moving hastily to shift himself and his partner - now in work and in sex - into a position where he can jerk them both off simultaneously, cocks loosely held together in his fist. Javi’s thrusts lead and Steve’s follow.
Neither of them last very long.
There’s a collective initial sigh of physical relief and a subsequent realization of what had just occurred between the two of them.
What is he supposed to say? ‘Thanks’? ‘Sleep tight’? Is he supposed to say anything at all?
Murphy gets out of bed disturbing the relative peace in the air.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Javi asks.
“Shower,” Murphy says, leaning in the doorway of the bathroom. “Ever heard of one?”
“Thought you didn’t wanna take a shower ‘cause it would make it harder to sleep.”
And that’s how we ended up here.
“I’m not going to bed like this,” he says, gesturing to the mess he and Javi had both left on his stomach.
“I don’t wanna go to bed like this either, but it’s four in the goddamn morning.” They’re back to whisper yelling and somehow it feels nice to have that sense of normalcy.
Murphy stands there waiting for a better argument, but instead he gets Javi storming out of bed straight towards him and dragging him into the shower.
It’s not romantic, not in the slightest - they argue over the water temperature and who’s taking up too much room. They don’t wash each other’s hair or look at each other with stars in their eyes. But, they leave their clothes on the floor and slip into bed naked, not holding each other, but not wincing when their shoulders touch.
“Did that really happen last night?” Murphy asks with a yawn, forcing Javi to confront reality after he’s pressed snooze more than once.
“I don’t know,” he says. “You tell me.”
“Yeah, yeah, I think so.” He sounds more confident with every word.
“Okay. Then, I think so too.”
#javier peña smut#javier pena smut#javier pena fanfiction#javier peña#steve murphy#stavier#javier peña x steve murphy
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𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞
five hargreeves x reader smut
word count: 1.9k
warnings: enemies to lovers smut 18+, five and reader are 20, kinda switch! five? idek, choking, fingering, unprotected piv
summary: you and five return to elliot's after a failed attempt at reaching reginald at the mexican consulate, leading to a fight that leads to a little more...
author's note: i need to come up with some new stuff cause pretty much every single fic has the same dynamics but i just love it so much i can't stop lol, also i'm still working on a request but it made me think of this so i got a little distracted lol
not proofread
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“It’s your fault he got away in the first place.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
You and Five, your bothersome partner at the time traveling agency known as The Commision, were making your way up the stairs back up to Elliot’s place.
After failing to save the world back in 2019, Five managed to muster up enough energy to time travel with you and his siblings to get you all out of danger. He ended up dropping you and his family off at different points in time between 1960 and 1963 in Dallas, Texas.
You had only gotten here two days before he did, staying in Elliot’s giant home and sifting through his enormous collection of conspiracies. It was you who accidentally planted that alien idea in his head when he watched you use your power. Whoops.
“You were the one who got all soft on seeing your daddy again that you gave up our hiding spot and made him run off,” you retorted.
You made your way over to the door before Five blinked inside without you. Hearing his footsteps walk away, you sighed and pulled the key you had borrowed out of your pocket and opened the door. Five blinked the two of you a majority of the way here, as far as his energy could take you, leaving Diego and Lila behind to walk all the way here.
“And we could’ve caught up with him if you would just hold your own,” he scoffed, already having poured himself a cup of coffee and heading into Elliot’s living room.
“You think I can’t hold my own? How many goddamn times have I saved your ass while you were getting beat down, Five?”
You were getting even more pissed, raising your voice now as you walked over to him angrily.
“Not to mention you only had to deal with one of those assholes while I had to fight two! In heels! And even after you tossed your guy out the window, you just blinked off! Some partner you are.”
You pushed him a little as you emphasized your words. Of course, he was a good partner when it mattered, he did save your life after Vanya blew up the moon after all. But it sure seemed like he didn’t care about you at all in moments like this.
He almost lost your balance when you put your hands on him, spilling his coffee over the side of the mug. Setting it down, he turned to you with an angry glare and shoved you back.
“Well don’t go thinking you can fight me now, Y/N,” he said, almost daring, “Because trust me, you won’t win-”
As he was finishing his sentence you took a fast swing to the side of his face, before he caught it and blinked you both into the small guest room that Elliot lended you both.
He twisted your arm back and threw you forward onto the wooden floor. The room was dim except for a warm tiffany lamp on the bedside table. The air was clear and warm due to the open window, letting in the sounds of Dallas nightlife.
You landed rough on your hands and knees. Maybe you shouldn’t have picked another fight considering you were still sore from earlier, but you weren’t going to back down now.
After looking up at him for a moment, all smug yet still awaiting your next move, you quickly got up and tackled him, thinking it’d be easier on you to take this fight down to the ground.
Five braced himself from your impact and blinked, not wanting to hit the hard floor, and you both landed onto the guest bed. The anger in your eyes never left as you landed a punch right on his cheek, your might distracting you from your new position.
Before you could pull your arm back to hit him a second time, he wrapped his fingers around your forearm and used his other hand to grab you by the throat.
A whimper left you as he tightened his grip, cutting off your airway. Bringing up your other hand, you tried to peel his fingers off your neck. Yet he didn’t let up, his fingers getting tighter and tighter, waiting for you to tap out.
You inevitably did, your muscles way too tired to fight this stupid battle, as you tapped your hand on his wrist to get him to release you.
When he let go, you brought your hand to your neck, massaging where his harsh grip once was as you caught your breath quickly.
You hadn’t fully taken in your position, but Five sure had.
He watched you as you laid on top of him, crading him, sitting just where he wanted you to.
You looked dazed, all red in the face, hair a little messed up, chest raising as you panted heavily, his hormones had been driving him insane ever since the two of you traveled back and landed in your 20 year old bodies.
It took you another moment to get the blood flowing through your brain again, but once it did, it acknowledged how you were sitting on top of him, pressing against a growing bulge in the front of his dress pants.
Your breathing slowed more as you looked down to where your crotch met his before meeting his eyes. He stared at you with nothing more than lust darkening his irises and a flush on his cheeks.
A smile crept on your face as you looked at him beneath you, eyeing his lips slightly before leaning forward, lowering yourself and meeting them with yours.
His lips moved with yours perfectly as he pushed further into the kiss. He was about to move his hands to entangle them in your hair, but you had taken them in your hand and brought them up over his head.
The kiss was definitely messy. Tongues clashing and lip biting, you were surprised neither of you drew a little blood.
You felt him trying to assert dominance in your mouth as you fought right back, his hands remained held together until suddenly he blinked free.
You landed on the bed, confused for a moment until you saw a blue flash in the corner of your eye. His hands landed on your shoulders, strongly flipping you onto your back, maneuvering himself to be in between your open legs, and immediately latching onto your neck, causing you to let out a gasp at the sensation.
Instead of holding them above your head, he grasped both your hands in one of his and held them to your chest, reaching down under your pleated sixties skirt, feeling you through your underwear.
“A little fight gets you this wet?” he teased softly as he nipped at your neck.
You bit your lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of getting any more noises out of you. The fact that you were this wet for him was already bruising your ego.
He peeked up to see the look on your face, admiring the struggle he was putting you through as he slowly rubbed your slit through your panties while sucking harsh marks into your neck.
He moved the damp fabric to the side, coating his fingers in your slick, before stuffing them into you. The little gasp you let out satisfied him but not to the extent to which he would’ve liked, so he kept at it, moving his fingers through you, reaching that deep spot that made your eyes roll back in pleasure.
Once he picked up the pace, he could tell it was getting harder for you to keep quiet, with the tiniest of whimpers leaving your lips. The palm of his hand met your clit as the pressure became too much. You turned your head into the soft pillow which your head laid upon to stifle your noises.
He didn’t like this however, as he let go of your hands in front of your chest and grasped your chin instead, squeezing your cheeks slightly to keep your mouth open.
At this point it was no use. The pressure built up inside you as he planted kisses on your neck, with little teases of encouragement, telling you you let go, which you did.
Moans, pleading, and chants of curses spilled from your open mouth as the growing pleasure finally gave in, letting you come hard all over his fingers.
He let you ride out your high slightly as he admired your face. The usual stern and angry look you usually addressed to him was long gone, now replaced with a dazy, flushed look with dilated pupils as wide as saucers.
He removed his fingers slowly, before flipping up your skirt and pulling your underwear off entirely, before unzipping his pants and pausing before he lowered his own underwear.
Leaning back down to kiss you softly, he made sure you were okay with continuing. Once he received your quick, eager nod, he finally released himself after being restrained against his tightening boxers for so long.
As he leaned over you, you observed him closely. His dark hair now messy, his usually cold green eyes now softened, you’ve never seen Five look so not put together but you loved it.
Him sliding inside you broke you out of your thoughts. He fell into the crook of your neck once again as he groaned at the feeling of your walls surrounding him, your warmth was too much. Your head dipped back, almost hitting the headboard as you didn’t even bother stopping yourself from letting out whimpers every time he hit that spot. He quickly rutted into you as you both didn’t want to waste any time before getting to that high that your hormonal bodies have been craving ever since your consciousnesses had been thrown into them in 2019.
Although the two of you weren’t that rough, you could still hear the headboard knocking into the wall every time he thrusted into you, but your mind felt mushy with the pleasure and couldn’t come up with the words to say anything.
It wasn’t long before the two of you were panting each other's names and you felt the pressure built up again. You came loudly, squeezing him before he came too, pumping himself into you at a slowing pace before he stilled.
The two of you were wrapped up in each other, panting into each other's faces, gasping as he pulled out slowly.
You both quickly cleaned up and fixed your disheveled clothing, not making eye contact just yet, not knowing what this meant between you.
Five ventured outside the room first, you were worried that maybe Diego or Lila overheard and were going to endlessly tease you both over the fact that the tension between you finally snapped.
But instead, you heard your new acquaintance/host awkwardly question Five about alien procreation.
~~~
#five hargreeves#tua fandom#tua five#the umbrella academy#five hargreeves imagine#five hargreeves x reader#brisket five x reader#number five#five hargreaves x reader#brisket five#number five x reader#five hargreeves angst#five hargreeves enemy#five hargreeves fanart#five hargreeves smut#five hargreeves x fem!reader#five hargreeves imagines#five hargreeves x reader platonic#five hargreeves headcanons#five x reader#five smut#five hargreeves fluff#aidan gallagher#tua s2#tua fanart#umbrella academy#aidan gallager#five x you#five hargreeves x reader smut#five hargreeves x you
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Thinking about Rise Splinter hate… it always makes me kinda sad. Like YEAH, it wasn’t right the way he treated the boys. But like, Rise is really good at expressing subtle familial dynamics, and one of the big ones for me is the fact that like… there’s always an undercurrent of “It’s complicated” to their interaction with Splinter. IRL, it always pisses me off to see people casting judgments on people’s relationships with their family, because you don’t know!! Yeah, they hurt you, but not everything’s black and white. It’s complicated. Because you love them, and sometimes you get to understand a little bit better why things happened as you get older.
In a matter of smaller importance, hate for him loses so many opportunities in his character… even things that might just be kinda off-handedly mentioned.
He fought for SEVEN years—give me Splinter with chronic pain. Splinter relating to his boys with their neurodivergence—it’s HIS fault they have it!!!
That was seven years of imprisonment, or even simpler, an abusive relationship. What did he learn from that? How did he change? What things are skewed in his worldview?
His childhood! We saw his relationship with his grandfather a bit, but how did Splinter grow into his dream of being a movies star? HIM BEING A MOVIE STAR. He was both a rebellious team and a literal celebrity, this guy probably took empyrean at some point without knowing it, just like. Recreationally or something LMAO.
I maybe just need more of his old man knowledge. Him being so loser-core was a great move by the Rise team, and I could SEE where his story was going—ROBBED. We were ROBBED.
splinter hate is CRAAAAZY when he's such an INTERESTING character who does actually have a lot of obvious depth. like he's goofy and he's objectively flawed as a parent but he does go out of his way to improve himself and LEARN throughout the show, and he does listen and apologize when he knows he's messed up. his issues are so similar to leo's actually, leo's a kid so he's got more leeway to be shitty but idk when people act like its endearing on him and not on splinter. splinter's hilarious free my man
on the other side of the coin i dont really like when people make him a perfect loving parent either,,, i think people going for all kinds of interpretations in order to serve whatever story they need is fine but i do prefer kind of messy parent splinter, i think its kind of sad to see him reduced down to bad or good. he LOVES his boys so dearly and he would NEVER intentionally want to hurt them, but he's quick to cast judgement when he's angered/feels disrespected (evil league of mutants comes to mind, but also in turtle dega nights when donnie first stops the tank) and he's really a lot more inattentive than he should be. but there are REASONS behind this, coming out of an abusive relationship, fighting in bloodsports against his consent for years, you could probably count the whole draxum thing as traumatic (its presented as kind of silly in the show, but considering what it lead to,, its a pivotal moment in the backstory. its one of those things that i reasonably feel can be recontextualized because its so essential) and then dealing with crippling body dysmorphia and being forced into the sewers with no company other than his children,, it really adds up
idk like ,,,, you can still be extremely traumatized and be a horrible parent. in fact trauma can be a direct CAUSE of being a bad parent because that kind of thing influences every facet of your life and if youre unprepared emotionally, yeah. but splinter isn't the kind of person to double down and become more overtly nasty when he feels cornered. if he gets the feeling that his kids are actually upset with him, he backtracks. this is actually kind of a key trait of his, that he does try very hard to correct himself when he messes up. he's communicative and apologetic, and he tries very hard to be that way.
and also this is maybe something that i just have a wider problem with when it comes to the way people interpret things in cartoons at times but splinter's actions in eps like lair games (especially in lair games) and flushed but never forgotten are meant to be like. jokes. its absurdist comedy that's meant to catch you off guard. there are more serious emotional beats in rise you can use but i think when youre adapting this world and characters into a more serious tone you have to keep that kind of thing in mind because some things are meant to be surprising and absurd for the sake of making you laugh. i think the best comparison i can think of is how in musical movies they're not actually singing (in most cases, sometimes the fact that they actually are is played for laughs it depends. but yk what i mean). the joke is that this is kind of a shitty thing he's doing but taking the actions themselves seriously in a vacuum in order to cast shame on a character has always been odd to me. that'd be like calling raph abusive for rolling up the window on mikey's neck in late fee. or calling the teetz murderers because they caused a robot mass suicide that one time. it just doesnt make any sense
#ask#i do actually think the oiled up splinter scene in lair games it was Weird and i do NOT like it#i have a problem with it overall. i cant tell if its moral or if its just a disgust thing its just a very ... Interesting choice#but i always look at people funny when they act like this actually makes splinter a bad parent#i think finding jokes meanspirited or offensive is understandable though tbf#you can not like a joke. you can even not like a character because of jokes like that#but i do think in shows with this kind of tone you have to understand the border#if a show were to go back and recontextualize moments like these to take them seriously i would not like it!#im vaguing two things saying this lol i dont like when media does that. slapstick comedy can stay as it is#like i do think there's a hint of truth in some stuff like this because its still the characters at the end of the day#but if they are not meaningfully challenged by the narrative in the episode#its probably because youre not meant to take it seriously
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Just Imagine...
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Pairings -> Bumblebee x Reader
Warnings -> Family issues, school issues
Note -> Thought of something cute so why not do it with my precious boy Bumblebee!
Genre -> Angst to Fluff
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Just Imagine this... You and Bumblebee are both having a very hard and bad day. Bee has been working hard non-stop and he's getting tired of it but something else has pissed him off today.
With you, you're just pissed off since you have no more patience anymore, school has just been draining you and you just didn't want to go back home to get your parents yelling at you and at each other.
It was like those days where you wanted to punch something or someone who dares talk to you since you were in such a bad mood. Now here you are sitting next to your partner Bee who hasn't seen to be his cheery self.
You wondered what happened back there in his mission that got him so riled up, he's never like this unless there is a reason.
You thought he would be happy after getting his voice back and everything else, you might think it's about his home and that he couldn't leave just yet.
Bee was also wondering why you were in a bad mood as well, you're usually all over the place and always love to laugh with Miko with her terrible jokes and actions.
You didn't even know what time it was to be honest on how long you have stayed here at the base for.
So you checked your phone as it shown '9:24pm' then you thought of an idea that can help cheer both you and bee. So you tapped on bee to get his attention.
"I want to show you something" You gave a small smile towards him, he nodded as he had nothing better to do anyways so he followed you up onto the top of the base
As soon as you stepped out, the cold gentle breeze blew right past you, making your hair go everywhere which caused a chuckle from Bee who was behind you
At least he's laughing
Now you were sitting together, You sitting on Bee's shoulder as he was careful to not drop you, his legs dangling over the edge
"Looks at all the stars tonight" You whispered
"I never seen so many stars" Bee spoke
"Well you are now" You happily spoke, still looking up at the sky then thought it was the best time to ask why bee was so grumpy earlier
"Hey Bee, may I ask you something?" You asked which caused bee to look at you
"Sure, what is it?"
"I have been meaning to ask this for a while now but I didn't want to make anything worse, but What happened earlier to make you so mad? Is it something that happened back at your mission that got you so riled up? You weren't your cheery happy self" You asked
Bee thought for a moment, "What happened at the mission was that Starscream commented something about you and that just hit something in me. I just couldn't let that slide with me." Bee spoke, you could also hears his whirrling as his fist tightened
"But I am also meaning to ask you something as well, the same question that is" Bee then asked
"Oh, it's just nothing too special actually just school and my parents"
"Are they fighting again?"
"..."
"Flower, you can tell me"
"I just didn't want to go back there after everything that has happened, and school is making everything worse for me."
There was a moment of silence...
.
..
...
"Let's just try to forget all that for now, let's just enjoy each other"
Your shoulders now slouched down from the tense you've been holding for a while, the breeze came back making you shiver a little
You heard Bee chuckle, "You cold?" He asked, you nodded as you rub your arms up and down to warm yourself up
"Let's go back inside, warm you up and then I'll take care of you, My little flower"
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Just thought of something before I go off to Camp tomorrow
-A<3
#tfp#transformers#maccadam#transformers prime x reader#transformer prime#transformers x reader#tfp x reader#bumblebee x reader#bumblebee#bumblebee tfp
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Old wounds resurface by just one tweet.
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I got a bone to pick with y'all 12 tmnt haters too just y'all WAIT.
Late 2022 & Early 2023 crossover tmnt fics were hell and y'all need to be adjourned for you're sins. Immediately!!!
#theres like only a few good crossover fics#A FEW#THAT SHOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE#im not even in the tmnt fandom anymore but it puts me in a bad MOOD.#y'all-#just just go to hell#cause just thinking about it even more pisses me off.#tmnt#rottmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt crossover#tmnt multiverse#hamato michelangelo#michelangelo hamato#12 mikey#2012 michelangelo#2012 mikey
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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Actually i feel like my voice goals are not that unreasonable since the people i get jealous of the most really are my age or older
......
Well, reasonable though they may be, realistic is another matter
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#trans#trans ftm#transmasc#my dad has a pretty deep natural singing voice and SO DO I so i expect i'd end up sounding like him :/#it pisses me off to no end that there's just some innate quality that cis men's voices have that i can't imitate; no matter how low or open#*how low or open i try to push my voice#well - i actually do sort of know because i've stumbled over it a time or two#it's not just keeping like.. the space in your throat open#it's a completely different way of moving your mouth around and it feels a) weird as all hell and b) bad for my jaw somehow?#the unfair part is by the time i feel safe starting hormones it'll be past the window where it's normal to want to sound like that ...#i don't actually have that unusually deep a voice i just .... fucked it up a little i think. for singing anyways.#this too pisses me off cause why do i gotta be Obviously Weird in gender BUT no voice to help that assumption along#i dunno anyways. consult coming up and i CAN pay for it i HAVE the money but hough surgery itself is all up in the air until then#i already know i won't have enough but...... i really could pay it off in about a year#ESPECIALLY if i get either more hours or get commissions#i can do it ... i know i can it's just scary to have the prospect of it all falling down on me#due to the fact that this is my first major medical procedure Ever#and i am soso anxious about money#i mustn't spend on little treats..... even if i can... even if i have more than enough money......
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Hnngg
#im so stressed ughhhhh#this divorce is gonna end me man though im probably stressing out over nothing AGAIN#like tomorrow my dad's bringing some expert to the house to put a price on the house#and i literally have no idea whatever that's gonna be how we are gonna pay that shit lmaoo#also i just really don't wanna be there or be with them in the same house god i hate it when they're near each other#i am..... going through it more than i probably should since I'm an adult now n stuff but whatever#it's not like i can just stop feeling all this distress and grief n shit especially since he's already found a girlfriend#with kids and stuff and they've already been going to my grandparents ughhh i feel thrown away you know#it hasn't even been a year it's pissing me off so badly#i feel like killing myself every time i think about tomorrow and then I feel even worse when i think about later ughhh#i shouldn't be so distressed i really shouldn't#especially since I've been living my life on an incredible streak of luck so.#whateverrrrr#uhh like comment and subscribe#vent#i just gotta. cause there isn't anyone here i can really talk to since#everyone sees this so much more differently and sis is just always telling me im making it into something bigger than it is#but it's really stressing me out#idk i fear this is not gonna end nicely I don't even see him anymore#and it literally hasn't even been a year but he's not really talking to me but at the same time i don't really#feel like talking to him either so who knows uhh..
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parents will literally blame insane shit on you
#im so fucking tired dude. i want to break something so bad rn holy shit#the gall they have to tell me i dont care about my future. just cause i dont think getting into another year of studies literally suddenly#like 'do it today because the time slot ends today and if you dont do it we're making u pack up ur house and move back with us' suddenly#cause if i dont do it i dont care enough abt my future#dude................. ive been working my ass off so hard the past few months????#thunderclap#im not gonna go on a rant cause ill get even madder but god im fucking pissed. great way to start the day dude just so fucking cool forever#love this love this love this#im not even home im at my bfs house and havcing to deal with this shit and then later today i have more shit
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i love when my nervous system can’t tell the difference between waiting for an appointment and being chased by a man with a gun and a flamethrower
#like why do i feel like this#ITS A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT#i hate my brain i hate my nervous system#this one makes sense for me to be More anxious about but not This anxious about#literally popping propranolol like it’s fucking candy the past two days#i don’t even know if it’s helping i feel like when i’m this far gone it doesn’t even do anything#and it’s making me feel anxious about other stupid shit too#not gonna get into all that but like!!!#why do i feel like every aspect of my life is on fire when i’m literally just waiting for a fucking phone call#i just really really really want to stop stressing about the stupid fucking bmi thing#like how many fucking times have i said it that is THE reason i chose her#she doesn’t have the requirement#WHY WOULD YOU SCHEDULE ME AT THE FACILITY THAT DOES#honestly thank fucking god i haven’t had weight issues in the past lovebodyneutrality#cause like this is causing me so much fucking anxiety i don’t want to lose weight i haven’t wanted to lose weight i currently CANT EVEN#CAUSE MY LEG IS BROKEN#how am i supposed to do Anything to help this situation#literally can do nothing but Try to not think about it but my pure ocd looooves a thought spiral🙃🙃🙃🙃#thinking that i’m helping but thinking it through but nope!! thats actually iust making it so much worse!! those are in fact compulsions!!#and yet i Can’t Stop#chat how to stop thinking about the thing#i cannot distract myself i’ve never been able to distract myself from shit i’m this anxious about#try to watch tv and have to pause and have thought spirals or i’m gonna puke#try to do a hobby but can’t have to stop and have thought spirals or i’ll die#how to stop doing ocd compulsions when the compulsions are Your Thoughts#maybe i need to go back to my psych and try some different meds again#we havent been sure if it is ocd or just autism for like literal years but i’m feeling Pretty Sure..it would make so much sense😭😭😭#maybe i should stop saying that til ik for sure..but like several drs have asked me if i have it😭i just haven’t been able to accept it😭#also that’s not even what this is about why am i stressing about that shut the fuck up omg#i love pissing myself off talking to myself in the tags of my tumblr posts
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im distraught, my rook has elgar'nans vallaslin.....
#I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#i just LIKED IT#IM NOT EVEN ACTUALLY DALISH IM FROM NEVARRA!!!!#IN MY CANON I GOT THEM AFTER THE WAR OF THE BANNERS TO FEEL MORE CONNECTED TO BEING AN ELF!!!!!#ITS WHAT THEY GAVE ME DURING MY RITUAL!!!! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!!!#how in dai did i end up with mythal and junes and this time....i chose fuxking elgar'#i cant#i just cant#how did this happen#they need to refresh your memory before you go into these characyer designers 😭#i could not have chosen worse i swear#not im stuck thinking about rook finding put about the gods and being horrified to the point of puking#just like 'hold on i need a second' and all you hear is them barfing as soon as theyre out of sight#i dont know whos bellara and davrin have though but i bet neither of them are as fucked up as i am abt it#i wanna believe rook heard all the elven stories growing up from elves who joined the mourn watch so they werent totally in the dark#when they got their vallaslin? but obviously didnt know the whole truth until the plot of veilguard 8 or so years after the fact#like i feel so bad for the dwarves im so upset for harding especially as a syrface dwarf but holy fuck theres three of us with slave marking#none of us are okay......#why isnt davrin more bothered than he is by this he seems like he should be so pissed about being lied to#but im also confused cause i thought the dalish elves were specifically from the south#so dmetas crossing threw me off a bit#but whatever i was raised with the dead in the necropolis what do i know😭#i cannot believe this#i need to go back to dai and swap my two main elves tattoos tho i feel like darcy should have had mythals and mahanon should have junes#it would make more sense#i never did finish my beloved qun in that one either#im so nostaligic for that game#long before the traum of this one
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most annoying thing about being me is that i cannot engage with like. any fanon shit about dennis because i'm constantly on some advanced derangement and the stuff i thought two years ago when i was first getting comfy in the fandom is still the way everyone else looks at dennis but i'm like. yes but its Worse than this. you're like a quarter of the way there. this isn't the interesting bit, this is a symptom of it, keep going.
#ada speaks#i tried reading fic. i got probably 5 minutes in and was like hm i dont think i can do this#it doesnt like. piss me off. it just also does not interest me in the least#that post going around the other day got me thinking too like fjsmbfkfkj#i think maybe macbrain often causes ppl to come to the wrong conclusions too but 🥴#like i see so many people apply the same logic that makes sense with mac to dennis and it's like whoa. wait a minute. huh??#we're doing the catholic guilt thing here with him...? you think he's got a complex with that?#you think den's been anything other than openly queer since the show began ?? jdehkbfjkherbfjh i dont know man. where are you getting that.#dennis' shit is so far removed from anything else i think you NEED to understand him in a vacuum before applying individual circumstances#ie. when trying to understand dennis' behaviour Around Mac i don't actually think it has much to do with mac at all#or at least nowhere near as much as ppl give him credit for lol#he's just. like that. he's behaving perfectly in line with himself just not. with anything else. its not that complicated really#i also don't think that he hates himself nearly as much as everyone seems to think#conversely. also nowhere near the narcissist everyone makes him out to be.#still cant get over the absolute deranged interaction i had on twitter a while back where it was like.#''dennis isnt legitimately interested in Anyone because he's too in love with himself.'' like hdksbkfngmdjshdkfjfndj LOVES HIMSELF??#first of all the SINNED system is right there and those steps and that GOAL Mean Something secondly fhkfnskjrjdkbsnsnfnfk#meanwhile i was talking about some fic concepts & hcs a while back with a friend and they were like youre straight up writing plural dennis#like. ah. yeah. victoria is an alter. somehow i've written this while being like. hm. what IS victoria to him.#these two are distinct people coexisting in this body and dennis still *exists* even after coming out and transitioning...?#but how can i even begin to talk about this when i don't agree that much of anything in canon points to this. it's like.#i dont think brian lefevre or hugh honey or his random personas are alters. its specifically victoria and a few other instances#and victoria isn't even. a thing. glenn just conveniently gave a 'canon' name to a thing i was Already conceptualizing but its? not canon#anyway golden god firefighter and victoria manager. hello. anyone. dennis and victoria co-fronting.#this is more about. IFS than DID but it's.#idgaf about the macden other ppl froth at the mouth over im inside dennis' brain poking around i find them fascinating but not like that#(there is something wrong with me)#genuinely wish i could enjoy the stuff in the tag and the stuff that showed up on my dashboard regularly this is a curse DBKSBFMF
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I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH I HATE HER SO FUCKINH MUCH someone is gonna have to sedate me before I EXPLODE
#hey look it’s one of those rare times I post about roots and not PDBC#I fucking hate miya have I mentioned that already#she makes me SO MAD so FUCKING MAD she’s the worst character#finally caved in and read the previously-lost-media-pages that explain what her deal is due to my brother’s constant begging for me to do so#(I was going to do it on my Own time but I’m sick of being pestered about it)#and I hate her even MORE holy shit#genuinely trying to tone down my language so this post doesn’t get marked as mature or something#she is SUCH A BITCH SHE I CANT STAND HERUHLSIHIUSNUSLINSUILUNLSNDLUNDNUIDL#don’t go read roots to see why I hate her. don’t do it genuinely don’t do it you’ll get pissed off#MIYAAAAAA 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕AAUUGHHHHH#I know this post won’t make sense to anyone I just need to get it all out because screaming makes my throat hurt#and full disclosure I Did scream about it. I got very heated over it (this is normal behavior) (no it’s not’#my brother has the NERVE to say she’s like leif. they are nothing LIKE each other#miya will be the end of me I hate her So Much#have I mentioned that she was needlessly rude to Kurt like wha the fuck#Kurt did nothing wrong and she just was so mean to him for no reason. appalling behavior#this bitch miya has the nerve to act all morally superior to everyone else when she’s just as bad#something something glass houses something something the entire conflict is Miya’s fault#roots my beloved but also I have never felt this much genuine hatred for a fictional character before#she legitimately caused the main conflicts‼️ she’s horrible!! and not even in a funny way!!#I’m not gonna pretend finch isn’t a total jackass just because I think he’s funny alright? he is#but he’s ENTERTAINING he at least DOES HIS JOB AS A JACKASS well#I Love villains but not when they’re ACTING LIKE THEYRE NOT ONE. COUGH COUGH MIYYYAAA 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕#miya is such a horrid. horrid thing#I’m needlessly heated over this but this hatred has been brewing for a year now#exactly a year now in fact. happy one year anniversary of the start of my unhealthy hatred of this fictional character#I need to calm down I need to calm the FUCK down#she is SO STUPID like ACTUALLY she could’ve fixed the cause of the main conflict before it even happened#but she Didn’t she DIDNT I need to CALM DOWN#if miya has zero haters then I am dead
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