#cause i was struggling with 200/day

[chucumber]

the slate vanilla lattes are SO good ??

[somnoir]

first time giving a prompt

deaged!Danny (may include Dani, Dan and/or Jazz too if you like) given to Themyscira to be raised by Kronos (Clockwork). They were given a vague reason (they either might end the world or save it. kinda like the PJO Great Prophecy "to preserve or raze")

cause a boy/s is/are involved. They get sent to be raised by Diana instead

i just really want mom!Diana to happen

god I love mom!Diana so much! I need this woman to just pop up to the watchtower with her own baby and tell the others to fuck off cause, BATMAN HAS HIS BABIES I HAVE MINE!

Percy Jackson themes? Let's go!

Children of Diana - part 1

Kronos was always a mysterious and frightening figure in their stories. The father that devoured their children upon a prophecy of a throne to be taken by his child. Five had fallen into his stomach, Hestia of the hearth fell first, whilst Hades was the last to be eaten. Only by Rhea's cunning did their youngest, Zeus, survive his father's hunger and grow to be king.

But Kronos never truly stayed dead.

He was time embodied, moving with every universe, even as he melted away from their world and into another.

Hippolyta told her stories of Kronos, along with how she wished for a child and how her love for one allowed her to make Diana out of clay and give her blessing of goddesses to be a mother to a blessed daughter. Diana heard stories from her mother of everlasting Kronos who's name shifted with worlds, with his domain of time. How the titan has moved past from his children and embedded himself into the stars.

Diana heard of his stories but never in her lifetime did she expect to be met with that same Titan.

Her first instinct was to bow, to greet this almighty titan with the proper etiquette. But Kronos only smiled at her, snapping his fingers.

One moment Diana was Louvre, then next she was beside her mother in Themyscira.

"Diana!" Hippolyta blinked, bewildered to see her daughter before the atmosphere turned tense, cold.

Once again, the Amazons were graces—perhaps even cursed—with the Master of Time's presence.

"Kronos." Hippolyta sucked in a deep breath, her stance going rigid as she prepared to greet and attack their guest. "My lord..."

"Progeny of mine," Kronos wore a purple rone that shadowed his face, with a body that floated from the ground. In his hand was a peculiar staff with a glowing blue clock. "I have no trust in my children but... You Amazons are more sensible and responsible than my brats."

"Except for Hestia. I would trust her but she is too close to them for my liking." He drawled, startling Diana.

Hestia was the eldest of the traitors, the first to be eaten. She was still referred to as a traitor and yet there is evident fondness in Kronos' voice.

"Nevermind that." Kronos waved it off, "Pandora has claimed that you are trustworthy—" THE FIRST WOMAN PANDORA?! "So I shall trust you with this prophecy. Especially, Diana... Wonder Woman. You will prove essential to the fulfillment of this prophecy."

Diana's body stiffened, unable to help but grab her mother's hand. Blessed as she was, Hippolyta squeezed her daughter's hand, comforting and reassuring before they nodded and waited for the prophecy...

Kronos was smiling.

"From the death of youth, a monarch shall rise,

To fall, and rise again with time's reprise.

Brother and sister by the throne will stand,

Balance to bring, or doom to command.

Should the path be dark, the stars will weep,

For the universe's fate, the king shall keep."

Diana's breath hitched. The prophecy was... It was scary. She couldn't fathom it. From the lines alone, there was a possibility of the universe's doom... But it involves a king of sorts.

What did that entail?

Kronos was laughing now. "Be wary, Diana of Themyscira... The High King of the infinite realms and his siblings will arrive soon..."

"The infinite realms?!" Hippolyta almost looked faint.

"Yes. The king, his royal siblings the prince and princess have entered a new cycle. Their oldest royal sister is currently regent and unable to raise them in the realms."

Diana cleared her throat, "My apologies, but why is the regent unable to raise her siblings?"

"Regent Queen Jasmine Phantom died long ago. She is a full ghost whilst her siblings are epitomes of balance, both living and dead. As they are still very much alive, being in the realms for too long during their years of development is unhealthy for their constitutions." He explained, glancing at his staff.

"It is time."

Again, Diana was startled and almost lunged forward for more answers before her mother squeezed her hand again. Her breath caught, glancing back at her mother who sent her a warning glare.

"I wish you the best of luck, Diana." Kronos smiled, almost softly, "You will do well to raise my children. I am in your debt."

All at once, Diana was suddenly the mother of three and someone the Master of Time owed a debt too.

Diana had not expected to find three children in her home. Yes, she expected to find three individuals, but she had at least expected infants. Not three children who's ages varied.

"Hello..." The middle of the three said, blue eyes, black hair, scrawny and small.

"Hello." She softly said, looking around her apartment before crouching in front of the children with the softest smile she could ever give. "I am Diana. Could you give me your names, little ones?"

"Dante." The eldest of the three, with blue eyes that flashed red, grunted.

"Daniel but I go by Danny." The middle smiled, then gestures to the toddler that clung to Dante. "This one is Danielle but she likes to be called Ellie."

The girl waved at her, rosy cheeks with blue eyes pile her brothers.

"Clockwork said we had to come to you because our sister couldn't keep us in the realms. We're sorry for the trouble." Danny grimaces, genuinely apologetic and clasping his hands together.

"I told that bastard that we didn't need to be deaged or anything. But no! He kept saying that we needed a vacation or whatever." Dante scoffed, rolling his eyes before adjusting little Elle in his arms.

Diana saw the discomfort on the eldest's expression as he tried to adjust his little sister in his arms. She offered her service to him, gesturing for Dante to give the toddler to her, bur she received a growl and a glare from crimson eyes.

One of the boys was the king of the infinite realms turned into a child. The prophecy had clearly stated that the king would be joined by his sister and brother, so the possibility of little Ellie being the king was void. So it was between the boys then.

"Don't be mean, Dan! Miss Diana is already trying her best right now. I'll tell Clockwork and Aunt Pandora that you're being mean to their favorite." Danny snapped, swatting his brother's shoulders.

"It is alright, your majesties."

"Oh!" Danny flushed red, "No need for that. You don't have to!" He insisted, "I'm not king at the moment since Jasmine demanded we were given a break... I just didn't think that a break meant going through a new human cycle."

Diana's eyes softened, so Daniel was king. "I see... I do not mind being your caretaker, little ones. I have friends who have children, and I have found myself rather envious of them. Truthfully, I never expected to beae children myself but... My mother lost the ability to have one herself, and yet she made me from clay."

Dante nodded, "We've heard of your story. It's quite beautiful how your mother loved you so much, even when you were nothing but a dream... But she managed to make you reality with that love. It's quite inspiring."

Danny soon explained, "Our mortal mother died many years ago. She and our father were ghosts, citizens of the infinite realms before my siblings and I encouraged them to follow through with reincarnation. We would have had our eldest sister do the same, but she is more stubborn than our parents." The fond smile on his lips was one tinged by melancholy and longing.

Diana realized that these children were ripped away from what they called home, forced by their own sister for their sakes. Immortal monarchs were thought to be all powerful, undying and never needing rest.

Diana herself saw it as such, with how Zeus refused to relinquish his throne, of how his siblings and children attempted to usurp him the same way he did with Kronos.

But the royals of the infinite realms seemed to be of a different breed. The dead who were once mortal, living, before time caught up to them and their existences were given to the realms. That humanity seemed to be what made the Ghostly royals to be so... Extraordinary. Because it was clear to Diana that the regent Jasmine loved her kingly brother and royal siblings with all her heart. Especially when she was willing to sit upon the throne, carry the burden of monarch, for a life time. All because she wanted them to be given a chance at happiness.

Diana has heard stories of the realms, of how the previous king, a tyran named Pariah Dark, was defeated. Phantom became king through conquest and it was rumoured he had still been a child, still alive and only half dead, when he was given the crown.

"Well then..." She cleared her throat, smiling softly. "I hope that you will be able to live comfortably with me, little ones. I will not force you to see me as a mother, but I will do everything I can to be a proper caretaker. I will love and cherish you the same way my mother and sister did."

That statement alone seemed to have affected the three, enough that Dante relaxed.

The second time Diana tried to take Ellie from his arms, Dante sis not resist. He carefully tucked his sister into her arms, showing her how she liked to be held.

Ellie giggled, reach up to her and nuzzling her cheek against Diana's chest.

"Adorable." She whispered, kissing the little girl's forehead before turning back to her brothers. "May I know how old you currently are?"

"Physically or chronologically?"

Diana chuckled, "Physically."

"I'm ten. Danny's eight and Ellie's two." Dante explained, pointing to them each whenever he spoke. "But chronologically, we're around... Actually, I don't know. Time in the realms and time here is different. It's also different from our earth. So..."

"Ah, no need to explain if it's too confusing. I understand that time flows differently for everyone. Let us just say that you've existed for a few centuries, yes? Keep it vague for everyone else." Diana grinned, already thinking of how Batman would be utterly perplexed by that.

"Well then, let us get you settled in, yes? Unfortunately, I only have one guest room." Diana frowned, cooing at little Elle that tried to wiggle our of her grasp, "I was planning on moving soon since this part of Paris is a little too loud for me."

A little white lie. She'd have to ask Bruce for help of finding a new space in a short time.

The three looked suspicious, skeptical, and already feeling guilty. Diana was quick to act, ushering them to their rooms, asking them if they've eaten and what they'd like for dinner if not.

Aside from a new place, she needed to acquire herself some parenting books. Yes. Lots and lots of parenting books, especially if her children were eldritch beings.

Maybe Bruce had more experience in that field.

No, Diana, do not think like that. You're a mother now.

Especially when she was the mother of three while Bruce was only parenting one child. Though said child was now a rather rebellious fifteen year old.

Masterpost

[doubleedgemode]

Happy summer, everybody!

This has been a big project to take and while there's stuff to improve I'm pretty happy with it. Be sure to zoom in the big picture for details and read the comic from left to right. (Needless to say, please don't try A.B.A's behaviour.. For your safety)

Bonus doodle:

[yoohyeon]

Saw that the Tumblr icon on my iPad changed so I went to see what’s up and WE FINALLY CAN REPLY WITH THE BLOG WE WANT !!! THANK YOU !!! Now staff make it so when you block someone it’s block on all sb too thanks I’m tired of blocking 3 times

[angelyuji]

LADS yandere headcanons

sorry that some of them weren’t long, i didn’t want to make the post too long :( but hey!!! caleb day!!!! guess who got to welcome caleb home after 200 pulls!!!! (imcryingrealtearsrn) tbf i have almost all of his 5 stars and a couple 4 stars now :) all of my saving up helped thankfully

i didn’t write any nsfw but i have some ideas for the characters…. so lemme know if u want it :)

tw // yandere, kidnapping, violence (physical, emotional, mental abuse), manipulation, fauxcest, implied noncon and more, just general freaky nasty stuff

zayne:

zayneer;speojfso;ias doctorrrr doctorrr i think i sprained my ankleee gimme a full body checkup pleaseee ;)))))

he’s very cold to you, but like its just cuz he loves you so much he doesn’t want to scare you away with his actual feelings (thinkkk tsundere)

soooo overprotective over your health and safety

he wants you to quit being a hunter and stay at home, safe from danger

he’ll eventually convince you too, he’s so manipulative, using your heart condition against you

he wants to take care of you until he dies, a giverrrr in more ways than one *wink wink*

he wouldn’t kidnap you, but will convince you to move in with him (probably by saying smth about how it’ll be easier to keep track of your heart and care for you)

you trust zayne a lot easier than xav, raf, and sy becuz he’s your doctor and also your childhood friend (similar to your relationship with caleb) and he’ll use that to his advantage

now lets talk about doctor zayne’s behavior hehehe

in reality, yes everything about your relationship is against doctor-patient rules and all that but like who gives af yk

doctor zayne is the type to prefer doing your weekly check-ups at home in private

and by weekly check-ups i mean not just a regular physical, but a full body check-up

he’s sooo anxious about your health that even if violates your boundaries, he’ll strap you to the bed and snap some gloves on to feel every part of you

(for your health of course, def not cause he wanted to feel your warm skin without you struggling)

rafayel:

THIS MOTHERFUCKERRRR BRO

hes the clingiest person ever, he quite literally never gives you a moment of peace

constantly calling you, never leaving you alone.

he’s very bright and cheery whenever he sees you

but he’s very cold and mean to people he doesn’t care about, he’s very manipulative in that sense

raf is def, in my eyes, kinda the spoiled brat type

he hates when you say no to him so he pretends like you didn’t

if he asks you out and you tell him you can’t cause you’re busy, he’ll make up some excuse to get you to him

whether it’s calling your work and saying he has an emergency or calling you and guilt tripping you, he’s going to get his way no matter what

rafayel would most definitely kidnap you if he feels like you’re not giving him enough attention

like too many dates canceled, too many friends keeping you busy

he’s OVERRR ITT. you’re his inspiration, his muse, his very reason to live so he wants to keep you as close to him as possible

if that means keeping you chained up in his bedroom… then yeah he’s keeping you chained up babes

he’s very hot and cold with you as well

if he’s happy with you, he’s showering you with affection and love. being a silly goofy goober as they say

but if he’s mad at you, he’s cold to you and cruel

raf can be really fucking mean to you but the moment you retaliate, he’s shocked and like “why would you say that :((((“

raf is similar to xavier that he’s clingy, but raf is more confrontational with you. he will accuse you of cheating and force you onto your knees to show him how sorry you are. (he’ll also go and make sure that whoever it was that was taking your time and attention, never gets to talk to you again)

very much a pathological liarr

as much as he is annoying (i say affectionately), he’s constantly looking for your praise

wants you to compliment him and be comforting him at all times

and he’ll force it out of you if he has to.

xavier:

i feel like xavier is the most yandere of all of them like even in canon (this was written before i caleb’s trailer lmao. he’s 2nd most yandere now lolol)

he’s constantly stalking you. finding out who your friends are, what your daily schedule is, what shampoos and soaps you use

you’ll constantly feel like you’ve seen him at the store, but when you go and look, he’s not there (he’s done that before in game lmao he’s so cute)

xavier to me is also a typical yandere but more self-sacrificing. (i saw a tweet about xav and caleb where someone said they’re both yandere lovers but xavier is selfless and caleb is selfish and that perfectly encapsulates what im thinking)

very sneaky sneaky guy

he would kidnap you but that’s a last resort

he mostly just wants your attention and praise so only if he feels that you’re in danger, he would kidnap you

he’s very sadistic when it comes to people that try to take your attention away from him (will torture/kill a guy if they try anything with you)

he’s a jealous and petty i fear

if he feels like you’re talking to some rando too much, he’s immediately at your side, arm around your waist and glaring at them

my little star my cutie pie it’s hard to not fall for his innocent words/behavior becuz he speaks with such an airy voice and cute face

does unhinged shit with a cute smile and you’re usually blissfully unaware (or at least pretending to be), believing xavier def didn’t kill that guy you always say hello too on the way to work

it only gets worse from there once he realizes you’re letting his crazy slide

sylus:

sylus is very gentle and teasing in game and i feel like that also transfers to his yandere version.

contrary to his looks, sylus is not a violent yandere. because of the nature of his work, he doesn't want for you to be involved or see that violent side of him ever.

he's most def a sugar daddy type, very possessive. he wants to know where you are and who you're with at all times.

but he’s not like scary macho man about it, he’s informed you of how dangerous the N109 zone is so you know that his possessiveness is out of fear for your safety

he has most def put a tracker on all your clothes and electronics

if you are and want to continue being a hunter, sylus will support you

the only reason sylus would try to stop you is if you get mortally wounded, then he’s like “yeah no, kitten. you’re staying here with me where it is safe :)”

i feel like sylus would only kidnap you if the situation is that dire for him

like he’s fighting for his life for your attention and you’re giving nothing. he’s gonna be like “omg kitten, why are you not getting the hint :(“

alsooo he’s such a tease like theres nothing he loves more than constantly teasing you about everything

when he leaves for gang leader stuff, he gives you free reign on his black card as well as the house

he does not gaf if the whole house is pink when he comes back as long as you’re home

loves loves loves dressing you tho like he loves buying you clothes and dressing you up like his personal doll

my cute little sugar daddy

caleb:

i’ll be following the canon story for caleb’s headcanons

you guys grew up together, keeping each other safe and being each other’s best friend

and caleb had been in love with you since the moment you guys met

he def toed the line a lot when you guys were kids: making you promise to marry him and telling you that he’ll never leave you and that he would hurt himself if you left him

which at the time, didn’t worry grandma. I mean, you were all he had and vice versa so its not surprising that you’re both so attached

but as you guys grew up, his obsession with you worsens

he sabotages your relationships, keeps a tracker on you at all times, and have crossed a lot of your boundaries

but then caleb “died” and you lost your best friend.

caleb, i feel, is a very core yandere. like if you search up yandere in the dictionary, his picture shows up

he is obsessed with you to the point that it’s unhealthy for the both of you

some of his lines remind of jumin han’s bad ending 2 (from mystic messenger)

like this mf wants to collar you and keep you in a cage so you could never leave his sight. he wants you to be safe and there with him at all times

he would def kidnap you to do exactly this

he most def stalked you btw after he came back from the “dead”

he watched and stewed in jealousy as you interacted with the other LI’s. (yes i know that all the love interests stories are happening in different universes simultaneously but just for this… for the angst)

he hated when you went on dates when you were young, so seeing you again after so long just made his obsession and his hatred worse

he would try to threaten and kill anyone that stood in his way to have you

(also the ARM???? OKAY WINTER SOLDIER!!!) (im hoping the arm is a permanent feature but i wont get my hopes up)

when you guys were younger, caleb def snuck into your room to steal your clothes or anything that had your smell and he most DEFINITELY still does that

i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he had a full-on shrine for you that kept him going until he could see you again

anyway the lines are kinda blurred on the familial relation, cause in the game, he talks about how although you guys were technically siblings, neither one of you considered each other as siblings

but i’ll leave it here with this, you guys lived together in your formative years so you most definitely experienced and learned (wink wink) a lot with caleb before anyyyyy of the other love interests

[uchispeach]

Tyrant (One-shot)

Dark! Topper Thornton x Fem! Reader

Warnings: DUB-CON / NON-CON, dacryphilia, manhandling, size kink, jealousy, controlling & manipulative behavior, toxic relationship, deep rooted classism…

A/N: For the plot’s sake, let’s just pretend Sarah doesn’t exist…

“Hurricane Agatha continues its steady march towards Kildare Island on the Outer Banks of North Carolina…” The journalist’s monotone voice didn’t entertain your mind for much longer, as the only thing you had seen plastered on the news for days were warnings and recommendations dedicated to your community.

Every paradise had its flaws, and the lack of functioning generators was the only downside to your dad’s 200 year old mansion. So when Agatha came, she did not only take down your step mother’s luxurious outdoor decor and furniture, but also any source of electricity you had ever taken advantage of.

Summer in Outer Banks was a synonym for fun and a deadly heat stroke if you didn’t have access to Air Conditioning. That’s why, you and Wheezie had claimed the 92 foot boat all to yourselves - a place to cool off and sleep without having to wake up to a puddle of sweat -.

“Fuck!” Loud cursing was accompanied by louder footsteps, the individual interrupting your sleep seemed to struggle with coordination as they bumped against everything in sight. “Wheezie, be quiet.” You said with your eyes closed, still half pulled in by unconsciousness.

The staggering figure slowed down, decreasing their disturbing presence to allow your sleep some peace. That didn’t last long though, as the strenuous noise of metal clanging completely woke you up. “God!” Your surprise was accompanied by a high pitched gasp.

“You’re not Wheezie,” the obvious was said. John B did not look even remotely similar to your little sister. “I’m sorry…” Was the first thing the blond pronounced, feeling caught as he held two heavy bags in his naked arms. “What are you doing?…Oh” Your eyes followed his, finding the lacy bralette exposed by your lifted T-shirt. You were quick to pull the fabric down, causing the Pogue to blush.

His rosy cheeks added to his flustered look, combined with the profuse sweat glistening over his entire body. “I’m sorry…” John’s messy hair covered half of his face as he stared down, suddenly interested on the teak floor. “Um…I’m just dropping off some scuba gear.” A tang of dizziness caused you to rub your forehead when sitting down.

“Did you..um…top up the tanks?” Your usually soft voice was polluted by some grogginess. The blond’s biceps flexed shamelessly at you. “No, power’s down, so the compressors were off.” His movements were made with clumsiness, showing the anxiety pumping through his veins.

Your head automatically tilted to the side, still searching for his hazel eyes. For some reason, watching him try to play it cool while failing so miserably had him looking really cute in your eyes. “So, you’re sneaking into Ward’s boat at 5 a.m. with empty tanks…I’ll make sure to tell him.” You got exactly what you were looking for; the boy looked like a fish caught in a hook as he peeled his eyes at you.

“I, I- will just drop this off and-” His light stutter made you chuckle. Without much thought, you walked to his side -closing the distance between both of you with a playful glint on your eyes-. “Let me help you…” He continued to look shocked, remaining frozen when you took one bag from him.

It was not until you both reached the storage room when he finally spoke again: “Hey,” His skin was hot against yours when his big palm gripped your shoulder. “please don’t tell your dad.” You didn’t remember him being so tall.

A messy hair strand fell over his soft features as he towered you against a closed door. “I did borrow your stuff…but-but I brought it back.” You blinked innocently at him, hearing him beg was an unusual sound for your ears. “Intact and unharmed.” He remarked in a quiet tone, going down your eye level.

You hummed in response, pretending to think while biting your lower lip. “All right!” Your shoulders lifted in agreement. And John B gave you a small pat while exhaling in relaxation. “I could be a lot of things but I’m not a snitch.” The whisper was lighthearted -reaching his ears with sweetness-.

Your proximity allowed his warm breath to tickle your lips. “Now, leave. Before I regret helping you poach.” The blond blinked at you as you backed away, making your way back to the boat’s outer part. “Yeah, bye.” His short legs were quick to outpace you, quickly getting him out of the room and onto his jet sky. You only giggled at his velocity.

“Well, I’ll see you around.” You leaned on the boat’s edge, watching him start the engine. “Later” He waved with a half smirk decorating his tanned face. “Later” You repeated to yourself, admiring the speed in which he disappeared between the waves.

Tiredly, you got back to your old position. Your eyes closed in complete calmness, totally oblivious to the nosy girl hiding behind the stairs.

(…)

All the sleep you had gotten on The Druthers had barely prepared you for the exhausting list of chores Ward had put you on as soon as he saw you were awake. “Dad, do we really have to finish the whole yard today?” The black plastic bag was starting to make your right arm go sore from its weight.

The family man only lifted his gloved hand as he continued attending his business call. “Yes, just wait a second.” He said while covering the phone’s speaker. “Sweetheart, you haven’t even filled a whole bag.” You looked down at your own gloved hands, specks of trash decorating the red plastic.

“I’ll finish tomorrow…” You were quick to promise, putting both palms together in a polite plea. “Please,” you made sure to drag the last vowel. “All right, baby girl.” Your father shook his head in defeat, finally dismissing you from a long morning of picking up garbage.

“Thank you!” You expressed your gratitude with effusiveness, quickly abandoning the cleaner’s garments to roam free around the property.

Sun shone comfortably on your skin, and you couldn’t help but feel enthusiastic about the warm weather, very contrasting to the last few days of intense storms and disaster. In the distance, you saw a pair of familiar faces.

Your boyfriend looked slightly annoyed, furrowing his brows together as Wheezy spoke to him. “It was almost like she was flirting with him.” You heard your little sister say, as you neared her grumpy self from behind.

“What’s up, guys?” The black haired jumped slightly when your arms wrapped around her waist. Even under Wheezie’s thick glasses, you could still notice her eyes turning upwards in adolescent irritation. “Hi, top.” Your plump lips stretched on a warm smile at Topper’s handsome presence.

The blond didn’t react at your appearance, a distant grimace in his normally sweet features. Slowly, you pulled away from the girl. Closing the gap between your lover and you to give him a quick peck.

The sound of your lips colliding had your sister grunting in disgust. “Whatever, I’m leaving…” Her small legs took her away, leaving the two of you completely alone.

Affectionately, your arms wrapped around his strong neck. Eyelashes fluttering up at him in a loving stare, “is something wrong?” A stoic look was the only response you got.

Topper was a moody person, often altered by small details and irrelevant interactions. Still, you always made an effort to cheer him up, even in his darkest days.

“C’mon, babe. It’s such a pretty day.” You closed your eyes while whispering on his face, warm breath brushing against his mouth. You kissed him once again, looking to intensify the sensation by grabbing his jaw.

He tensed under your touch, only giving in when your tongue fought to be let in. After a few seconds, he gave in, holding you by the waist as his rough fingers brought you impossibly closer to his toned chest.

The grunt he let out while you threaded your small digits through his hair was animalistic, barely buried by the wet noises your soaked muscles made. One of his palms was already sneaking down your lower back and onto your ass when a strenuous interruption made you stop.

A line of spit kept you connected as you both looked around for the noise’s source. A lawnmower passed right next to you, being obnoxiously loud. The blond pogue smirked playfully, toothpick being toyed around in his snarky mouth.

“Sorry, lovebirds…but I gotta’ do my job.” JJ stood shirtless, gripping the machine like a weapon. You threw him an uncomfortable look, completely pulling away from your boyfriend while adjusting your lifted up top.

The Thornton boy gave him a disapproving look, holding his own waist like a father would do when scolding his kid: “Then get back to it, before I get you fired.” The shorter boy opened his mouth in fake surprise, clearly enjoying the Kook’s angry display.

“All right” The tanned young man raised his arms in a peace sign, moving on with his task. “Tch. Fucking asshole” Your lower lip suffered at your own teeth’s attack, a painful manner of liberating the stress. “Hey, it’s okay.” Topper’s body went stiff under your touch, muscles flexed while he puffed his chest out.

“C’mon, let’s just go inside.” Your fingers weren’t able to go around his huge bicep, still, you tried to get him in the house. The blond mumbled a few curses before finally following your way.

(…)

Your giggles were carried away by the salty breeze. Both of your arms were extended as you carefully walked on the roof’s clay tiles. Each step was taken with a hint of confidence, showing your past experience with this particular spot. “Fuck. Slow down!” Topper was still struggling to take his legs over the window, long calves barely fitting in the wood frame.

“Don’t be scared, I got you.” You took a seat on the sunny ramp, shorts going over your thighs as your skin went in contact with the roof’s warm material. The Kook’s hand-sewn leather shoes weren’t particularly made for climbing up irregular surfaces, and the way in which he wobbled with each move made it clear. “Here!” Your small palm reached out for his, finally impulsing the blond to sit besides you.

“Shit, Y/N” His strong thigh brushed against yours as he shook his head in disagreement. “What?” His tone was aggressive, complementing the sharp look he gave you when a small smile appeared on your face. “Nothing…just admire the view.” The finger pointing at the calm coast was as enthusiastic as you.

Your boyfriend listened, remaining serious while staring at the gentle waves. A sense of comfort washed over you, your hugged knees against your chest and a gentle hand looking for your companion’s touch.

The Thornton boy tensed his jaw when your fingers finally reached for his, nonchalant to the loving grip caressing his harsh knuckles.

You ignored his rough mood, concentrating on the shiny water and graceful sand; noons like this would always be encrypted in your brain - a reminder of how beautiful life could be in the island -. Your small worries were starting to drift away, a soft sigh proving your carefree state. In contrast, Topper was ready to let his concerns out.

When the blond spilled, he stained everyone around him - his morals and rules too stiff to be bent by any one -. A heavy exhalation announcing the arrival of a new conflict, his palms turned into a fist - taking your delicate digits with it -.

“Hey, uh…” His voice went deeper and his stare turned firm when burning into you. “I heard you had a Pogue sneaking’ around here.” The lighthearted smirk you once wore, dissolved into a scowl. “Who-” You had to swallow before continuing: “Who told you that?” Your lashes fluttered once again, but this time in nervousness.

“That doesn’t matter,” And just like that, the sun seemed to hide, allowing a somber shade to pose itself over the blond. Your throat went dry as he opened his sharp mouth once again: “You gotta be careful.” His head tilted slightly to the side, making his recommendation sound much more intimidating.

“These Pogues…” In shock, you slipped your fingers away from him. “They are all lowlifes, criminals…” You couldn’t believe his words, going as far as backing a few centimeters away from his indignation.

“Don’t-” Words got stuck in your tongue as the Kook continued to invade your personal space with an unnerving gaze. “That’s mean, you don’t know them.” Your statement wasn’t as rigid as his, lacking strength when being said by such a quiet tone.

“Why are you defending them?” His sudden change in position had you flinching. The blond tapped the side of his forehead with aggressiveness, signaling his own brain in hopes of getting into yours. “I’m sorry… yeah Y/N, I’m sorry for caring about you.” His whole burly body trembled in frustration.

“Top, it’s not like that.” Your eyes started to sting, a couple of tears struggling to be kept. “My dad was a Pogue too, you can’t-” He didn’t even let you finish, a sour chuckle leaving his rosy lips. “Stop, fucking stop. I’m just worried for-” It was hard to believe him when he spoke such mean words, a gasp was quick to interrupt him - you were desperate to show how ridiculous he was starting to sound -.

“John B works here, do you expect me to spit on his face every time I see him?” Automatically, your legs stretched out - ready to run away from the uncomfortable scene -. “I’m sure he would fucking love that.” An ugly grin accompanied his sentence, followed by a humorless laugh.

In a split of a second, you were already on both feet. The Kook wasn’t slow to react, impulsing his much bigger body up. “You don’t get to leave!” The controlling soul of his demands were starting to overwhelm you.

The threat of a migraine was enough to get you moving, turning your back to him while stomping your way inside the home’s safety. You could feel the heat radiating from his enraged self, stalking you from close behind. “Hey, we’re talking!”

Impulsive, the situation slipping from his hands had him feeling impulsive. You must have seen it coming, you must have obeyed when being begged to stay, maybe he wouldn’t have found himself in the need to wrap his long fingers around your frail wrist.

Maybe if your stubbornness had not clouded your senses, he wouldn’t have had to pull you so violently towards him. Either way, nothing prepared you for the awful feeling of losing every sense of balance.

The joints between your legs had failed you, wobbling at the destabilizing pull and causing you to stumble with your own feet. Your first reaction was to grip onto Topper’s polo shirt but your sweaty hands ended up providing a weak grasp.

The scream leaving your vocal cords was one of pure terror, vocalizing the pain your bruised knees experienced while bumping against the roof’s merciless tiles. Your eyelids shut together in fear, expecting the rough fall.

“Shit!” Your limbs relaxed in relief when instead of a cold solid ground, you were received by your boyfriend’s strong arms. “I’m sorry…I’m fucking sorry.” His warmth, his lips on your forehead and the constant rubbing on your back were all too much too soon - leaving you deadly confused in his embrace -.

“It’s-” Your voice came out in choked complaints, a consequence of his brutish hug. “It’s okay…I’m okay.” You didn’t know the reason behind it, but the need to reassure the shaking blond was the utmost of your worries.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry too.” The wish for comfort installed in the pit of your stomach, forcing your puffy face to bury into his huge chest. Topper crushed you deeper into himself, painfully digging his chin into the top of your head. “It’s all right, sweetheart…It’s all right.” Funnily enough, you believed him - feeling ashamed of yourself for ever questioning his sincere ways -.

(…)

The ground you currently stood on vibrated from the obnoxious rap music blasted through Kelce’s expensive speakers. Even the bathroom’s mirror shook slightly, blurring your own reflection.

The pink bikini molded nicely against your curves, making you feel less unconscious about the skimpiness of it. You admired the cute bow poking between perky breasts, hoping the boy outside would love it as much as you did.

Your steps held a confidence to it, playful strides taking you to your boyfriend’s sight. “Wow…I’m dating the hottest girl in the OBX.” His eyes were immediately locked in your figure, completely disregarding the phone that had previously been in his hold. A big smile was plastered all over your pretty face, as you twirled around in a coquettish manner.

Topper’s legs sprawled wider, using his palms to support his beefy body. There wasn’t anything discreet about the way he bit into his lower lip, fixating on the plump flesh of your ass.

“You don’t look so bad yourself” Your voice was sultry, complementing the teasing way in which you bend over to his front’s level. The blond’s jaw tensed alongside his exposed biceps, showing the pent up desire provoked further by the perfect cleavage posed a few inches away.

“Fuck, c’mere” His voice went a tad deeper, making you melt. The strong hands gripping your hips weren’t patient at all, quickly pulling you onto his lap. Your gasp was quickly buried by a hungry kiss, your boyfriend’s tongue lacking shyness when exploring your sweetest spots.

A languid moan was squeezed against avid lips, his fingers groped one of your tits with caressing tips, making sure to pinch your nipple in exquisite pain. His other palm was busy creating friction on your lower back, moving up and down.

“Don’t you dare fuck on my mom’s brand new sheets!” Kelce’s unapologetic shouts were louder than his rude knocking. You could have sworn he was two seconds away from breaking the door with his brutish force. “Shit!” Topper groaned in exasperation, hand abandoning your warm skin to pat the growing tent poking under his shorts.

“Of course not!” You acted almost offended at the lascivious assumption, quickly leaving your boyfriend’s loving embrace to run to the closest mirror.

It took you a few seconds to make yourself look presentable again, having to wipe the remains of running lipgloss mixed with spit from your face. “Hey” You felt a familiar breath fanning the top of your head. “Yes, baby?” His big and strong chest left no room to escape as his mouth neared your ear. “I think it’s better if you just…cover yourself up a little.”

You didn’t know if it was the light rubbing of his pink lips on your earlobe, his flexed arm wrapping delicately around your waist or the subjugating tone of his voice, but you didn’t hesitate twice before taking the oversized T-shirt from his grasp.

(…)

The evening breeze brushed comfortably against your naked legs. A lighthearted giggle left your soft lips, good mood propelled by the fluent conversation going around your friend group.

You had lost Topper a few minutes ago, seeing him getting dragged by a drunk Kelce and your energetic brother. You didn’t mind though, quickly finding your own circle to catch up.

A pair of girls found entertainment while looking over your shoulder, completely disregarding your own presence. It felt strange, looking at the playful stares coming from your friends. You weren’t late to find out the reason, a shriek full of horror and surprise abandoning your throat when you were suspended on the air.

Your feet weren’t touching the ground anymore, instead supported by a tanned arm. “Topper, you maniac!” His exposed chest rumbled on a deep chuckle, enjoying your desperate wriggling.

“You’re looking kinda’ dry” He eyed you up and down, lips morphing into a dangerous grin. “No!” The way you shook your head in desperation was cute, fueling your boyfriend’s playfulness.

Effortlessly, he took arrogant steps towards the big pool, causing you to tighten the hold around his shoulders. People’s cheers and screams were quickly drowned by the cool water.

You barely got to close your mouth at the abrupt fall, quickly grounding yourself on the shallowest part to stick your head out. Light coughs alerted Topper as he rapidly approached you. “Baby, you’re fine! You’re fine!” The blond said as his long fingers squished your cheeks together.

Wet strands of hair blocked your sight, and you were quick to hit at his hard rock chest with annoyment. “I hate you!” Topper couldn’t take you seriously, staring at the way you struggled to accommodate the unruly hair behind your ears.

“No, you don’t…” His tone held a cockiness to it, stupid smirk on his face before taking a peck at your lips. “…You love me!” A few of your friends mocked the sweet interaction, making you finally let go and enjoy the fun scene.

Your bodies floated together on an almost synchronized dance, his big palms long gone to support the softness of your ass in a possessive grip. “Hope you’re having fun.” He whispered softly in your ear, his honeyed tone causing you to hum in response.

Topper spinned you around while you crashed your chest with his. Your chin was supported by his shoulder, allowing you to look at the sweaty teenagers enjoying the messy environment. They all came and went, drinking and dancing carelessly. Still, one of them took you by surprise.

A lost John B looked around in confusion, his rebel blond hair and dirty boots making him stand out among the multitude of curated Kooks. His open shirt had an ugly pattern, taking away from the smooth torso hiding behind it. “Hi!” You jumped slightly on your boyfriend’s hold, sticking out your upper body in excitement.

Forgetful you were, that was for sure. And the realization hit you much after you effusively waved at the kind Pogue. John’s eyes softened at your presence, shyly nearing the pool’s edge. “Hi-” His voice became a whisper when Topper spinned you around once again, this time preventing you from further interaction with the shorter boy.

“This isn’t the Cut.” The Thornton’s voice lacked any sort of respect. Blocked by a pair of wide biceps, you could barely take a glimpse at a clearly uncomfortable John. “Top” You whispered softly while caressing his hot skin, looking for any sort of sympathy inside his arrogant self. “So, you better get lost before I get you kicked out.” Heat reached your face at the sudden threat, your anxiety peaking with the growing aggressiveness in the blond’s tone.

A dilemma clouded your brain, intensified by your boyfriend’s digits digging harshly into your flesh. You were about to speak out when the Pogue rolled his eyes in defeat, his dirty soles taking him away from the both of you. He was clearly pissed, and you could see it in the way he clenched his fists in frustration.

His back became smaller and smaller among the multitude, making you deflate in a tang of disappointment. A sour feeling installed in the pit of your stomach, making you fidget on the tight embrace.

Topper didn’t allow you space for thinking or breathing, quickly taking you by the jaw while licking your lower lip. He groaned at your hesitation, forcing you to follow an aggressive kiss.

(…)

The water clashed violently at the shore, creating a steady rhythm that reached your ears. The wet sand stimulated your toes with its welcoming feeling, tempting you to bury nose-deep into the soaked mass.

The small towel wrapped around your body did little to keep you warm, but you still held to it with intensity. Topper hadn’t stopped staring at you for the whole walk, burning holes into your side with his puzzling stare.

You stopped in your tracks, finally hearing the blasting music and hustle considerably far, stil, there was nothing much you could do about the blinding lights coming from the house - slightly distracting you from the organic view -.

“Right here!” You chirped with newfound excitement, expanding your towel on a dry spot. The long T-shirt had been long lost, leaving you half naked. Still, you laid comfortably on the absorbing fabric, extending your legs while supporting your weight with relaxed elbows.

The warm smile plastered on your face was very inviting, luring the blond to the same position as you. His muscles flexed at the effort, every feature of his being outlined by the moonlight.

Your eyelashes fluttered at your side, accepting the heat coming from his heavy body. Topper had been oddly quiet since the pool scene, making you feel a bit unbalanced.

In an effort of lighting his mood up, you pointed at the sky: “You see? Right there is the Big Dipper.” Your boyfriend didn’t give a verbal response, simply following your finger for the marvelous sight. “And then those stars…” The celestial bodies shined brightly. “… in the scoop point…” Your breathing slowed down when you felt his at the side of your neck.

“To the North Star-” Your explanation died down little by little when you felt a wet muscle licking down your jugular. It paralyzed you, the sounds of wet kisses traveling down your clavicle, where he sucked avidly in hopes of leaving some purple spotches. “Top” You called out for him at a particular hard suck.

Half-hearted whines falling deaf to the blond’s ears, who continued untying the back of your top. Your nipples were quick to react to the cool weather, further stimulated by your boyfriend’s passionate sucking.

His tongue lolled around the mounds of flesh, causing your fingers to tangle between his soft locks. Your brain felt mushy under his pawing, barely registering the new position you were subjected to.

Red, your chest was all red from his attack; still, he wasn’t satisfied - going down your abdomen until reaching your lower belly -. “Wanna show you who this belongs to.” You didn’t enjoy the raspiness in his voice, nor the aggressive way in which he tugged at the garment.

Your lower lip suffered under your teeth, a typical mannerism you had under stressful situations. “Wait, no.” The piece of fabric was already being ripped away from you when your legs reacted by themselves; accidentally kneeing him on the face while pulling away from his hold.

Instinctively, you crawled back. Watching him rub his jaw in a pained state.

Guilt, you felt guilt. There was no reason to not want to be intimate with him, it wasn’t a foreign concept in your relationship, still, you cringed away from his touch as he approached you once again.

Your rejection was unconscious, a quick reaction to what your body deemed as an invasion. “I-” A knot formed in your throat, preventing you from saying a thing as his eyes darkened.

The once soft features turned sharp, and he didn’t think twice before launching himself at you. “Topper, wait!” Patience left you, quickly replaced by the urgence of being set free.

His name sounded like a plea as you repeated it time and time again. You were taken by surprise when he manhandled you into all fours, locking an arm under your waist while pinning your upper body down on the sand.

His dressed erection poked at your core, roughly rubbing against it. Your boyfriend groaned, clearly clouded by lust as his selfish hands pulled the only thing that kept your cunt from him. You sobbed out a ‘please’ when his cold digits brushed against your slit, greedily entering one of them into the dry cave.

You could only sob when his thumb started circling your clit, pulling an involuntary moan from you. A finger quickly became three, and the squelches coming from your stretched hole weren’t fully drowned by the nearby waves.

The blond only responded with animalistic sounds, seemingly fueled by your fight. His finger thrusted harder into you, sending a wave of pleasure over your unwilling sex.

Panic started rising as you heard him pull out his cock, instantly holding you steady against the throbbing member. Your hand found itself pushing flat against his toned pelvis, doing your best to put some distance between both bodies.

The Thornton boy shushed you in response, gently pulling away your palm. “Don’t cry…” You wailed inconsolably, your salty tears hitting the salty ground. “…I just wanna make you feel good.” A flinch was all he received when pinning both of your arms in one hand.

Your movements were completely restricted, leaving you at his complete mercy. With soft fingertips, he pushed your hair to the side, leaving an open field to lay down kisses.

His lips were gentle with your nape, alongside the reassurance pronounced by them. So contrasting to the mean tip entering your sex.

His pace was tortuously slow, making you feel every vein on his thick shaft while praising the wetness and warmth he was received with. “This pussy is all mine...” Bliss was all you could hear in him, gaining the confidence to grind harder against your ass.

“… no Pogue can change that.” And as the tip of his long cock bruised your cervix, you couldn’t help but cry a little louder.

.

.

.

[autisticsupervillain]

Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread

The Eye

Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher

You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING

"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"

I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.

"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."

I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.

The Web

I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.

I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.

If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.

I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.

"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood

The Stranger

I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.

If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.

Theater Kid

How do you Normal Human?

The Anatomy Class.

Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.

Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.

Being subtly off is too subtle for me.

The Lonely

"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."

Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.

Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.

Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.

The fog is your friend.

The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.

The Dark

Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.

Night Owl.

Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.

Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.

The dawn is your enemy.

The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.

Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.

The Spiral

Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.

Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?

Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.

Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?

I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.

I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.

Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.

What Is Time?

What Is Me?

The Gender

Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?

The Flesh

Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.

Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.

Will never try any other foods. Too picky.

Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.

Hates PETA.

Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?

Working out is a great stim.

The Corruption

Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.

"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"

Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.

According to all known laws of aviation-

Relationship boundaries struggles.

Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.

Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*

Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.

Forgot vital hygiene needs.

The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!

The Buried

Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.

Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.

101 facts about worms.

Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.

Digging a hole is good stimming.

That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?

The End

Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com

That's it, that's the list.

The Desolation

The Autism Temper.

Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.

The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.

Just watching candles melt for hours.

The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.

Jude Perry.png

The Vast

Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.

The stimulus of falling.

Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.

Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.

Weirdly enough... power scaling?

Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.

Brain empty, only terminal velocity.

The Hunt

Cat Autism

The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.

Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.

I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.

Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.

That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.

It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.

The Slaughter

The incredible human WW1 documentary.

"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*

Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.

The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)

The Extinction

The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.

It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.

You Will Make Them Care.

[byoldervine]

Motivation For Writing

Getting Off Your Butt:

1. Aestheticise it. Let the light in through the curtains, turn on your fairy lights, lay a blanket over your lap, light some candles, whatever you need to do to feel like a writer. The right vibes can go a long way

2. Picture that one scene. There’s almost always a moment you’re super excited about that basically inspired the whole book. Picture it, play it out in your head in full cinematic fanfare, gush to yourself about how cool it is and how everyone will love it, picture a future fanbase going nuts for it. You might get excited enough to go back to writing

3. Set a word count goal. During NaNoWriMo this year I think I wrote more than I ever have in one go. The thing that kept me coming back was the desire to not fall behind. I ended up with ~45K words after some complications irl caused me to drop off in the final few days, and that’s all just because I was adding up the 1667 a day word count goal and realising where I needed to be at to keep up. I definitely can’t stay as rigid as I did with 1667 words every single day, but seeing that you’re only a few hundred words off of a goal is super motivating - just be sure to set realistic, easy to achieve parameters for just general use, like 1000-2000 words per week. I know 200 words per day is a popular one for people trying to establish a writing routine that can’t dedicate forever to the craft

Maintaining Motivation:

1. Writing sprints. Writing sprints are a godsend for me, I like to set myself up in the living room with Abbie Emmons’ writing sprint video on. The video lasts two hours and is broken up into two parts; 25 minutes to write and 5 minutes for breaks between writing, so four 30 minute sprints overall. Having the timer and countdown with peaceful music and an aesthetic background is both relaxing and encouraging, as well as giving me a specific time for how much longer I have to push through. It’s easier for me to say “Okay, only ten more minutes, then you can take a break” then it is to say “Just keep going, we’re not stopping until I say so” which is too arbitrary for my brain to accept

2. Give yourself a choice. If you’re struggling to keep your focus, come up with a finish line and tell yourself you don’t have to do any more work once you’ve reached that point. Finish the paragraph, go for another five or ten minutes, keep it up until your next scheduled break. Whatever sounds realistic and doable without being overwhelming. And once you’ve met this goal, ask yourself if you still want to stop. With any luck, you’ll have gotten back into the zone and will choose to keep going. Maybe you’ll want to take a quick break but you’ll come back later on. And maybe you’ll decide that now actually is a good stopping point. Just remember that, if you do still want to stop, don’t force yourself to keep going. You can’t strike deals with yourself if you know you won’t keep your word and all you’ll end up doing is burning yourself out, which will lead to even less writing getting done

3. Try a new angle. If you can’t be bothered to write anymore, is there anything else you can do for your book? Plotting, editing, worldbuilding, character sheets, one-shots all that sort of thing can still be productive for your book while still being different enough to give your brain a slight respite. It also means less work in that particular area later on

Afterwards:

1. Organise. Clean up your workspace and put everything away so it’s nice and neat for when you come back to it. Or if you don’t need to pack things out the way, set it up in an aesthetically pleasing way so it will tempt you back next time. Let it give you the writer vibe

2. Take care of yourself. Get a drink, have a snack, walk about, stretch your limbs, take a breath, cuddle your pet. Something that gets you away from straining your eyes looking at text for a bit. This is also a good time to reward yourself if positive reinforcement is something you use on yourself. If you always feel shitty after your writing sessions, you won’t want to go back to it

3. Positive reflection. Make sure to tell yourself you did good, even if you didn’t get as much done as you would’ve liked or it isn’t up to a standard of quality you’re aiming for. That can all be fixed later on, and you’re infinitely better off than you would’ve been if you didn’t do it. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself you’re proud of your hard work and your dedication and your effort. Remind yourself that this is a fun thing you like to do. Marvel over how insane it is that you’ve gotten this far - not many people do - and that you’ve got all this tangible work to prove you’ve accomplished something so many people wish they could pull off. If this isn’t fun overall, there’s no point

[therealcocoshady]

Could you make a one shot where Marshall x Reader have been dating for almost 2 years, they start talking about kids and the thought of reader pregnant is a big turn on for him.

Author’s Note : Thank you for your request 💕. I hope you enjoy this ! ⭐️

If you like my writing and want to support it, here’s my Ko-Fi (I’m also open for commission. It’s like a request but that way you’re 100% sure I see it fast & indulge you 😉 - rn I have 200+ asks in my Inbox. Also, by commissioning my work, you’re literally helping a struggling neurodivergent student get by !).

Baby talk

You were the first one to be surprised when you felt it. The desire to have kids. You had never been a kid person. You had always found these tiny humans to be terribly underwhelming. To be fair, you didn’t hate them. But you never really understood what all the fuss surrounding babies was. Puppies ? Yes. Kittens ? Absolutely. Human babies ? Meh. When you were a kid yourself, you didn’t show an interest in babies and, as far as you could remember, you had never really enjoyed playing with dolls. And growing up, you hadn’t shown more of an interest in the topic of motherhood. Older people had told you you’d change your mind and eventually come to want kids of your own but you doubted it. When you became an adult and got into serious relationships, you had that talk with your partners and you told them you didn’t want to have children. You enjoyed your free time, being able to sleep until noon if you wanted to, the possibility of spending money on silly things like an impromptu girls trip to Vegas or a new handbag instead of diapers and an overpriced daycare. In your mind, it was clear that you weren’t meant to be a mother. You did have a lot of love and admiration for parents around you, but you didn’t envy them. So you built a child free life that was absolutely wonderful. Sure, it hurt a bit when your previous partner ended up breaking up with you because he changed his mind about kids and you didn’t. But you understood his decision and knew it was the right thing to do, rather than forcing yourself to have kids when you did not have any actual desire for it. You didn’t want to force yourself to live a life that did not resemble you, taking the risk of one day resenting the children you never wanted to raise in the first place. It all worked out in the end : your ex went on to marry a woman who, from what you heard, was wonderful and have a kid with her, and you ended up meeting the love of your life. 

Marshall was everything you hoped to find in a partner. He was kind, funny, thoughtful, knowledgeable on a lot of subjects and handsome. Yes, he was older than you, but he was definitely young at heart. If anything, you benefited from his experience in life. Also, him being older and having three grown-up children meant that he was « done with all of that », which was a relief. The feeling was mutual, his lack of desire for more kids having caused a couple of breakups for him as well. But just because the two of you decided not to have babies didn’t mean you didn’t have your hands full with them. Marshall was a loving uncle to his brother’s three kids and you were entering that stage of your life where all your friends were starting families. So whether it was a birthday party, a basketball game, a recital or a baby shower… you had your share of kid-related activities. You liked it though. More than you ever thought you would. Marshall being very family-oriented, he loved that you were involved with his family. Together, you built a perfect life. You had all the fun that came with being around kids, without the obligations. You were the fun aunt and uncle, who enjoyed spoiling other people’s kids rotten and playing with them, before happily handing them back to their parents and letting them handle the sugar crash and the noise caused by the toys you bought them. You thought you’d spend the rest of your life just like this, perfectly content, enjoying a peaceful existence with your boyfriend, with whom you would eventually grow old. 

But then, without seeing it coming, you found yourself thinking about it. Wondering how you would look like with a baby bump. Pregnant ladies had always looked like aliens to you, but you started thinking you’d actually be cute, carrying a little baby. Marshall’s baby. A baby with the cutest nose, pouty lips and the most beautiful blue eyes. The thought of a baby that would be part you part Marshall had your heart melt. And you knew he’d be such a good baby daddy, too. Obviously, he had raised three amazing daughters he was very proud of, but he was also amazing with other people’s children. He was his nephews’ favorite person in the world and he was so great with your friends’ babies. So you found yourself thinking that, if you got accidentally pregnant, it wouldn’t be the worst thing on earth. Sure, it would be inconvenient, but maybe you’d keep it. Not that it would ever happen anyway, since you were more than diligent with birth control. Then, it turned into thinking about what your life would actually look like with a little one. And you figured that, what you would have found dreadful years ago, maybe wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe you’d crush it as a soccer mom. Maybe there was actually something beautiful in having kids with someone you love, teaching them stuff and watching them grow up. 

Then, one day, it hit you like a ton of bricks. You actually wanted to have kids. With Marshall. You were at the store, doing your weekly shopping. How you ended up in the baby aisle, you weren’t sure. But you found yourself mesmerized by the tiny items of clothing. Eventually, you came to your senses and mentally slapped yourself. You were with a man in his fifties, who already had his kids and did not want more. Now was not the time to change your mind. As if to imprint the thought in your brain, you went and stocked on condoms, buying a fuckton of them. The cashier even threw you a weird glance. You probably looked like you were doing  a comparative study, getting a bit of everything from ribbed ones to flavored ones. Marshall chuckled when he saw them in the bag. 

That’s a lot of condoms, he chortled. 

Yeah, there was some kind of sale, you lied. 

He shrugged it off and promised to put them to good use. You knew he would make good on his word and figured you just needed to have that silly idea banged out of your system. Except that it didn’t work. You went a few months without talking to him about it. But the more time went on, the more you realized you really wanted a baby with this man. You still liked the idea of having a flexible schedule and 9 hours of sleep a night. But you didn’t love it as much as you loved the idea of carrying this man’s offspring. And the more time went on, the harder it was not to talk to him about it. You dreaded this, though. Because you’d been on the receiving end of that conversation. Of not wanting kids and having someone you loved tell you that they wanted to start a family with you, and having to disappoint them and see the heartbreak in their eyes. So you put it off as long as you could. Until one evening, you weren’t able to hold yourself. 

I think I want a baby, you blurted out when you walked in the kitchen while Marshall was cooking dinner.

You think you want what, baby ? He asked as he turned to you. Sorry, I didn’t hear you over the noise of that kitchen fan. 

No, I said I-I think I want a baby, you repeated nervously. 

You think you want a baby ? He repeated carefully. 

I mean… yeah, you simply said. 

He looked at you with a raised eyebrow. Clearly, you were taking him by surprise. He turned off the fan and the kitchen stove, before walking to you. 

That’s new, he said matter-of-factly. 

Kind of, you admitted. I mean… I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. 

So you don’t think you to have want a baby. You know you want to have one, he pointed out. 

Y-yeah. I’m sorry, you mumbled as you looked down. 

For how long have you thought about it ? He asked. 

I’m not sure, you admitted. Does it matter ? 

I thought you didn’t want to be a mom, he said. That you were perfectly happy with being an aunt. That it was the best of both worlds. That’s what you said. 

I know, you replied. And I meant it. I’m as surprised as you are, really. But then I thought about how I’d react if I got pregnant. And I realized I wouldn’t mind that. Having a baby that’s part you and part me. 

Oh wow, he said as he scratched the back of his head. 

Yeah, you hummed. And I thought it was just something random and that I’d forget about it. But I can’t. And it’s been months now, and I think you have great genes and that our baby would be really cute. And Target has the most adorable baby clothes and I know condoms are cheaper than a college education but there were little bunnies on the pajamas I saw the other day and I also found out that they make baby Jordan sneakers that look like the ones you love and-

You caught yourself rambling and stopped talking. Now, you weren’t making any sense and you were just dumping the whole thing on him. Probably not the best way to go about it. He was staring at you with an amused look on his face. 

I’m sorry, you said will a sad voice. I know you’re done with it. We’ve talked about it and I know it really sucks that I’m changing my mind but I needed to tell you because I’ve been thinking about it a lot and-

Do you plan on letting me speak ? He asked with a smile. 

Yes. Sorry. 

Ok, he chuckled. I have a few questions. Is there a reason why you changed your mind ? 

Well… you, I guess, you shrugged. I mean, I love you, and I see what an amazing father, what a great uncle you are. 

Ok, he said. And, another question : is that something you want ? Or is it something you need ? 

I don’t know, you admitted. I’m really happy with our life just the way it is. I don’t need a baby to be fulfilled and for my life to have meaning. But I can’t stop thinking of how much I’d like a baby with you. 

Ok, he hummed. So… it’s not something you’d break up over ? 

No, you said. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. And I don’t think I want a baby if I can’t have it with you. You’re the reason I want one. Because the baby I have in my mind… he has your eyes, your nose and your smile. 

Meh. Doesn’t sound too cute, he chuckled. If anything, it sounds like an ad for contraception. 

Oh, come on, you giggled. 

But… he ? He asked with a smile. 

Sometimes she, you corrected. I never really wanted kids so I don’t really care, I guess. Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just dump this whole thing on you… we both know this talk sucks. But I couldn’t really keep it to myself. I needed to tell you. I’m sorry. 

Quit apologizing, babe, he said reassuringly. I’m glad you told me. 

Really ? You asked nervously. 

Of course, he replied. I can tell it hasn’t been easy for you. 

You nodded and he pulled you into his arms before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent. You definitely felt lighter after telling him, even though it didn’t really change anything. 

So… can I get back to you on that ? He finally asked. 

Huh ?! You asked as you looked up from his chest.

I think I’m gonna need a bit of time to think about it, he continued. I can’t promise I’ll say yes. But I’ll consider it. 

Wait… seriously ? You asked in shock. 

Isn’t that why you brought it up in the first place ? He mused. 

I don’t know, you said. I guess I mostly expected you to convince me it was a terrible idea. I mean, you’ve broken up with people over that. 

So have you, he pointed out. But it’s you. It’s us. What we have is different. I feel like my family’s complete so I never really wanted to have another kid. But I’m in love with you. And if there’s anyone I’d give it a shot with… it’s you. 

Ok, you said with an emotional smile. 

I’m not saying yes to anything, though, he warned. Don’t get your hopes up. 

But you’re not saying no, you pointed out with a smile. 

I’m not, he agreed. Because even though having kids can be tough… it’s pretty great, too. And I know you’d be a great mom. 

You flashed him a smile and buried your face in his chest.  The simple fact that he was willing to consider it because he loved you filled your heart with joy. 

You didn’t really bring up the topic in the following weeks, but you could see a change in Marshall’s demeanor whenever someone around you talked about kids. You could absolutely tell he was thinking about it. You weren’t too sure what the best way to go about it was. Of course, you were curious to know how he felt about it, what was on his mind. But you didn’t want to be annoying and press him on the matter, so you figured that it was probably better to wait for him to get back to you on that, once his mind was made up. 

Waiting was trying, though. Because in the meantime, you had to watch him interact with countless babies and young children, feeling like your ovaries exploded. Patience is a virtue and that waiting period was definitely an opportunity for you to practice it. Thankfully, it finally came to an end when you came back from work to Marshall waiting for you in the living room, with a bouquet of roses on the table, as well as a paper bag. You greeted him and thanked him for the nice gesture.

What’s the occasion ? You asked. 

Since when do I need a special  occasion to treat my woman to some roses and a present ? He asked back. 

Touché, you giggled. Thank you my love. Can I open the bag ? 

Not yet, he said. I want you to have a look at this first. 

He handed you some papers and you skimmed through it. It was a printing of his schedule for the foreseeable future. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

That’s, erm, fine ? You said, unsure of what he was expecting you to say. 

It’s my schedule, he said. For the next two years. 

I see that, you chuckled. I’m just not sure why you’re showing it to me ? You usually don’t consult me when it comes to your work schedule. 

As you can see, I’ve moved a couple of trips that were already planned, he explained as he pointed to a few dates. Meaning that I’ll be going to LA a little bit more in the upcoming three months. But after that, no more work trips and I put a hold on the performance planning. I’ll stay in Detroit. 

Ok ? You said - still not grasping what he was getting at. That’s nice. But why did you change the schedule ? Is there a specific reason why you need to stay here ? 

Apparently, when you’re trying to have a baby with your woman, it’s better to be in the same city, he grinned. 

You stared at him in shock, your mouth slightly agape. Marshall was smiling from ear to ear. Next thing he knew, you were in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, peppering your face with kisses. 

Oh my God, you said emotionally. Really ? Oh I love you so much, Marshall ! 

I love you too, he hummed. 

I can’t believe it, you whispered. Wait- What’s in the bag ? 

Open it, he chuckled. 

You reached for it and saw it contained a bunch of ovulation prediction kits, pregnancy tests, some folic acid and some lube. 

Apparently, these are the basic essentials for trying to conceive, he commented. 

You’re amazing, you said with the biggest smile on your face. So… we’re doing this ? We’re making a baby ?

If you haven’t changed your mind, yeah, he nodded. 

As a response, you threw yourself in his arms and kissed him passionately. He chuckled into the kiss and cupped your face, staring at you lovingly. 

I’ll give you the cutest baby, you promised. 

I have no doubt, he grinned. 

Do you think I’ll be a pretty pregnant lady ? You mused. 

Are you kidding me ? He asked. God, you’re going to be so hot. The thought of you carrying my baby… You have no idea the things it does to me. 

Oh yeah ? Like what ? You asked defiantly. Show-

Before you had the chance to finish your sentence, Marshall had you pinned to the couch and was grinding against you. It didn’t matter that you were both fully clothed, you could feel his excitement through the fabric. 

I’m gonna fill your pretty pussy, he promised. And I’m gonna make a pretty mama out of you. 

Mmmyes, you whimpered. 

Gonna give you a pretty belly, he continued. I can’t wait to see you carry our child. Can’t wait to start trying. 

When ? You asked pleadingly.  

How about now ?  He whispered in your ear. 

[amaranthineghost]

hello!! can u write something where the reader is feeling a little down while he was away because she misses him and lando reassures her and comforts her

thank u 🩷🫶🏼

| DARLING, THE BED IS COLDER WITHOUT YOU ( lando norris. ) |

ꕥ pairing: lando x reader

ꕥ summary: she feels lonely without the company of lando.

ꕥ authors note: first, thanks so much for 200 followers! it means so much to have this much support on my writing and that so many people like my work! second, thanks so much for this request! I loved writing it and I thought it was so cute <3

SHE WAS LONELY. she often was when her beloved boyfriend traveled the world to race fast cars. it caused her worry not to be there in person, having to watch his car from the television screen in the comfort of their apartment. she wouldn't complain, she was taken care of by him. she'd never lift a finger or have to reach into her pocket.

though her days and nights filled with stoic boredom around the apartment they shared. most of her days spent on the floor on his closet, basking in the faded smell of his presence, lack of more like.

she'd lay on the floor against the pile of clothes he'd promised her he'd put away, but never got around to it. it made her smile when she thought of it when she'd pressed her face against the different materials of his clothes, the smell of detergent now faded, coming to smell like her instead.

she would try to spray his cologne, a bottle he bought just for when she missed him, but it wasn't the same. it wouldn't be. she knew, but it was the closest thing she had till he got back. when he would get back.

other than his closet, in his clothes, she would find herself in bed. his side of the bed that stayed prim and even till she ruined it. it felt weird to be on his side, met with nothing but chills. it was colder without him. her side became empty without her, but his side wasn't any better.

she'd wake up to the cold, still air, basking in the warmth of the sunlight that spilled through the curtains just right. if he was here, it would've hit his green eyes in the perfect position. it was her favorite thing about mornings.

that and when she'd wake up with his arm across her back despite how far she'd part during the night. when he'd wake, his hand stretched past her side, wrapping under her waist to pull her into his chest. he always did it.

she struggled to wake now. when he would get up to get ready, she'd roll over to his side, sighing contently at the warmth he'd left behind for her.

but the bed had no warmth to greet her with. not anymore. she'd wake up, the only warmth she had was her own that barely spread across the bed. she shivers in the mornings now.

the first ever night he'd left for bahrain, she didn't sleep. and she didn't for the following nights, only catching a night's rest when he returned for a short while.

she didn't want to worry him, he certainly had enough to deal with. she always thought he did anyways.

each time he'd return, she jumped into his arms harder. or when he had to leave, she clung to him more, each time he'd leave a minute later than he was supposed to. he didn't mind, and maybe he wouldn't notice. but he did, he always noticed.

he noticed when she would be glued to his side the second he saw her, doing basically everything with him, even going to training or simply showering. he always let her because secretly he was missing her just as bad.

he'd wash her hair, scrubbing the soap into her scalp as she hummed contently. he'd wash her perfect skin, questioning every bruise that ruined it. she'd always assure him that she hadn't a clue where it was from, but it wasn't a big deal.

when he'd go to make the bed, she'd ask him the day he left to leave it. she hated the constant reminder of his lack of presence when she'd go to lie down, but she'd claim she didn't want to stress him. he knew she lied, but he did it for her.

deep inside they were both hurting. not because of each other, they were always better together. everyone that knew agreed, which wasn't much.

most of the grid had no clue of the two and they liked it like that. their little secret that was just between them, no media or outside interference. just them and their little apartment he'd take care of her in.

but being secret meant secluded dates, or no going out with each other. no fancy restaurants, though she was never a fan. but she wished to experience it. she knew word would get out eventually.

especially if she'd travel the world with him, which to her, wasn't out of the question. she wouldn't mind going to a race posing as a fan, if it meant traveling with him. at this point, she would go as his girlfriend because that's what she was.

that's what she wanted the people to know. because it killed her to think of the girls that hit on him at the after-parties that he always attended, and she knew he would go because he always told her.

he'd relay the details of the night to her in great detail, down to the specifics of the few special drinks he would get. how he would dj. she saw the edits before he even told her.

part of her felt like that type of life and luxury wasn't for her. she wasn't raised around it, it was so foreign. one of the many reasons she'd feel reluctant to go with him as the season started.

but things change, she knew that and he did too. she missed him more than she would've imagined and it killed her inside.

she felt like she was relying on him when he was around. she always told herself she was independent, but was she really?

she felt as if she was having withdrawals without his touch. dramatic, she knew it was, but she couldn't help but feel it. she'd always longed for his company again.

they completed each other. soulmates. he'd tell her without fail that he knew he loved her in other lifetimes before this one, and he'd find her in another too. she believed it because he was the type to make it happen, he'd walk to the ends of the earth for the person he loved, and she was glad that she was the one. but it's tough when there's always life-long dreams in the way

they were both hurting. his empty hotel room he'd returned to, the pile of his clothes that overflowed the suitcase because he'd rather just throw his clothes than to place them nicely.

he had no one to scold him for his messy habits and he hated it. the silence was uncomfortable, only hearing the sounds of the cars as they drove by the hotel he stayed in. without her.

he'd sit at the small table and chair provided in his grand suite, staring helplessly at his phone. a few buttons he could press that would reveal his soulmate as his. but he wouldn't. he couldn't do that to her if she didn't want to.

he'd sigh, running his hands through the damp curls, leaning back in the chair as he yawned. his head turned towards the bed and he groaned.

he hated going to bed without her.

his phone lit up in his peripheral and caught his attention from his messily-made bed back to the screen.

she was calling him and a smile spread across his face. he hastily answered as he held the phone close to his face.

the smile was obvious in his voice as he spoke, "hey darling, why're you callin'?" his tongue glided across his chapped lips, a side effect of not having to carry his girlfriend's things in his pockets everywhere they went. he'd missed it truthfully.

he heard her tired voice hum into the phone, "missed you," she muttered, hearing her yawn and it caused him to as well. he'd sigh after her answer.

"me too, but you know, you could always come to singapore with me," he'd joke, putting the idea in her head with hope, but knew the chances of her wanting to were probably slim to none.

"can I?" his heart jumped out of his chest, he swore it did. he'd always recall jumping out of his seat, pacing the room excitedly with his hand through his hair.

"wait really?" he moved the phone away from his face, searching relentlessly for what he wanted.

"would that be okay?" it was more than okay to him. he was short for breath, pacing tirelessly, and his cheek hurt from smiling so hard.

"already bought the tickets, love." he chuckled happily through the phone and she laughed at him, smiling at the thought of seeing him, "what changed your mind?"

"I missed you," she'd answer honestly, "it's empty without you and I've got nothing to do. plus it's kind of cold," she chuckled at the last sentence, causing him to as well.

he sighed, understanding her point, "I know, babe. I'll get to see you soon," he assured her, "i've got a race tomorrow, so how about tonight you go out with some friends, alright love?"

she hummed in response, smiling as she worked through the idea in her brain, "I love you, lan."

he could tell she had the biggest smile on her face, "I love you too, darling. we'll get through this."

"promise?"

"pinkie."

she had a feeling they would. at god awful hours of night, they'd be back together through a simple call, smiling like idiots at their screens.

and she listened to his advice, asking her neighbors for the favor of holding onto their personal mail until they'd get back.

she'd call up old friends she hadn't seen in a long while and reconciling in places open for 24 hours, laughing till their stomachs hurt and their eyes cried. she'd make future plans with them, and even securing them plane tickets with her to the next race. and probably future ones as well.

and they sat talking for hours, the employees couldn't be mad at the entertainment the group provided and the vibe of homeliness between them. they'd relay every detail of their life they lived since their parting.

she'd tell them about her relationship with lando, the reason for the trip, and their long-awaited reunion. she watched as their jaws dropped. they believed her, but still, she called lando and he'd laugh at her for calling him in the middle of the night for the stupidest reason.

her stupid smile over facetime as he laid in the dark room, his face and bare shoulders illuminated by his phone screen. he was obviously tired, but he didn't care. she was showing him off and he couldn't be more proud.

"hey lando," she dragged out 'o' of his name, giggling softly, "can you please get a few more plane tickets, and maybe some paddock passes."

she watched him shake his head against his pillow, his face pressed against the material as he hid the smirk on his face. truthfully, he would happily give into whatever she wanted. anything to make her happy, and if taking her long-time friends to his race, he'd make it happen.

"whatever you want, love," he'd reply shyly to her, hearing the squeals of the group. they were estatic, but also teasing the girl in front of them. lando laughed at her red-flushed face, "i'll do you one better of getting you access to my garage."

the night had stretched on for a long time, till the sun rose the next day, but none of them were tired. they'd sit there as they watched the sunday race before they'd have to leave to pack and catch their last minute flight.

and when she'd land in the airport, late at night and tired out of her mind, he'd be waiting there. standing with his toothy smile she had missed since the last time they saw each other.

bright flashes of light blinded her when she'd drop her bags and suitcases to crash into his arms. she didn't care, she had him. his presence and his touch against her once again.

they'll be alright.

[atopvisenyashill]

Is Lyanna really as terrible as some people portray her as?

no, not even a little bit.

the absolute most important thing about lyanna is that when she dies she is only 16. i am someone who works with kids - i work in a library so i spend most of my days cleaning up after tweens and asking teenagers to please stop doing dumb shit- and the first thing anyone who has ever worked with kids and especially teenagers is that they may look like adults but they are NOT. they don’t understand boundaries, they have next to zero impulse control, and every bad thing that happens feels like the worst thing ever because it very likely IS the worst thing they’ve ever experienced bc they have not been alive that long!

and this goes for every single teen & tween character in this series, not just lyanna! shit, i am someone who feels an immense amount of sympathy for joffrey! on one side he’s got his mother telling him he can do anything he wants with no repercussions and on the other he’s got his father hitting him so hard that stannis thought joffrey was going to die. and then he is given unchecked power and told not to abuse it! EYE cannot even guarantee that i wouldn’t use unchecked power to do shady shit and i am a fully grown adult, not a traumatized, irrationally, and deeply vindictive 13 year old boy.

but honestly the most important thing about lyanna is that we have ZERO CONTEXT for what happens between her and Rhaegar. What we have is

Ned’s sparse & guilt ridden thoughts about Lyanna and one (1) comment about Rhaegar

Robert’s angry, entitled, and grief ridden outbursts about Lyanna and Rhaegar

Barristan’s incredibly romanticized, guilt & grief ridden take on their relationship

Meera’s second hand account of Lyanna, told to her by a father who is likely just as guilt & grief ridden as the others, who likely has his own view of Lyanna

What’s important to note is that our view of her is heavily filtered through the eyes of the men that knew her. Robert loves an idealized version of her that never existed. Barristan never actually knew her. Ned is not only viewing her under 200 layers of guilt and grief, but very obviously does not understand his sister, or why she made the choices she did, and struggles constantly with knowing that he will never know her the way he wishes he could, the way he thought he did. Given the way Meera describes Lyanna, I actually think Howland is our most accurate look at her but even that is buried behind years of grief & a fair amount of hero worship and affection (“that’s my fathers man you’re kicking howled the she-wolf” is a line that makes me WEEP for this exact reason; Howland sees Lyanna as his hero above all else!).

All of that to say - we don't even know what Lyanna did that was so terrible! Even if she was a grown woman capable of making rational decisions, we have no idea what her decisions were. She could have been lied to, misled, kidnapped, threatened, just as surely as she could have walked into the situation with open eyes. Even in the show, with a slightly aged up Lyanna - we get, what, just Sam's opinion on Rhaegar and Lyanna being in love because they got hitched? Completely ignoring the fact that we had several women in this series get married not because they were in love or willing but because someone more powerful decided on it and that was that, so there's still no evidence that Lyanna had enough information about the situation to make any sort of informed, consensual decision.

so no, i do not hold lyanna responsible for anything at all that happened regardless of how it happened because she was not mentally mature enough to understand what the hell was going on. a 15 year old is just not mature enough to think “if i run off with this married man, it’s going to cause a cascade of political issues that could have disastrous consequences.” what she’s probably thinking is “this man says he can help me and i am fucking miserable and no one else will listen.” it’s why we don’t throw 15 year olds who run away to meet up with old dudes they met online in jail when they’re caught (or theoretically why we don’t punish them at any rate). There is one person and one person only who is responsible for the massive fuck up that is the Elia-Rhaenys-Aegon-Lyanna-Jon mess and that is RHAEGAR, the person with the most amount of power who used it in the dumbest way imaginable and got himself, most of his heirs, his wife, and his teenaged mistress killed. The only other people responsible are the Kingsguard who kept Lyanna under lock and key while she lay dying and pleading for her brother to come save her.

[samwhump]

a (very inexhaustive, wincest-heavy) sam whump reclist

@transfemmesam asked me for Sam whump recs a few days ago, and I've had other requests in the same vein before (I can't imagine why.../s) so I thought I would throw this together, since these authors deserve all of the love and support for their contributions to our li'l fandom corner.

like I mentioned in the title, this is not at all a comprehensive list; I have at least ~200 more fics in my to-read queue that could thematically fit here, but alas, I have stupid shit like a job and a body and a dog to take care of, so. I'm always happy to get recs along these lines, so if you notice anything important missing, hit me UP. (and don't take any omissions as any specific commentary by me -- it's likely I just haven't had the chance to read it yet, haha.)

disclaimers:

some (most, honestly) of these contain potentially triggering and dark content, including but not limited to rape/noncon, torture, and suicidal attempts & ideation. I have tried to note content warnings where applicable, and most of the works are hosted on ao3, so the tags should have most of the information you need to make an informed decision. that being said, tread with caution. all of the summaries provided are from the original author, with warnings added after by me.

the list is in alphabetical order and separated into wincest and gen categories. a lot of the gen is also focused on the sam & dean relationship, because...I am what I am. and what I am a sucker for these two dipshits. there is also a brief section at the end with a few fics that don't fit into either category.

gen

All That Goes Unspoken by amnesiawife:

A case forces Sam to confront something long kept buried. (Set nebulously in season 12.)

CW: discussions of past rape/noncon, victim blaming

Beneath the Trees 'verse by Lise (5 works total, starting with Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees):

Sam doesn't go to Stanford. Everything goes downhill from there.

CW: suicidal ideation

a boy is a cage by ad_castra:

After expelling Gadreel from Sam's body, Dean thinks they're in the clear. If only they were that lucky. // S9 fic wherein Gadreel's grace causes some adverse side-effects in Sam's mind.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon, body horror

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry):

There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow.

CW: heavy discussion of past rape/noncon

break these bones 'til they're better by redskyatmorning:

After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra:

Sam gazes at the window, catches the faint pink hue tinting the sky. It’s so realistic - he could breathe in the fresh air if he were really here. ----- They got Sam out. Sometimes, just knowing that isn't enough.

CW: implied past rape/noncon

Death of Convenience by WilsonTheMoose:

It should have been easy. Wendigos are no joke but daylight slows them. The weather's been unpredictable though and perfect, idyllic hunts don't exactly stay that way where they're concerned. Or Sam has one card to play and never stops to think that Dean would care if he killed himself.

CW: suicidal ideation, references to suicide

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker:

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

CW: suicidal ideation

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

CW: past rape/noncon

Everything Dies Given Time by Lise:

AU from 5.03. Sam discovers something wrong with himself, and learns to live with it. Only a lot less functional.

CW: suicide/temporary character death

The Freedom to Be Loud by jribbing:

It hadn’t occurred to Dean that maybe Sam remembered so much about that little nowhere town because something memorable had happened there.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

golgotha by redskyatmorning:

There’s a vacancy on the throne of hell, and Sam is desperate enough to save Dean from Michael’s possession to give into the abyssal depths of his own darkness.

Head Space by ameliacareful:

A witch curses Sam leaving him blind, deaf, and bedridden. Left with only the inside of his own head and the occasional touch, Sam begins to unravel.

CW: suicidal ideation

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty:

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past "Dean... I made a really big mistake." For a second, Dean actually thought things were going okay. He was out of Hell, Sam agreed to stop drinking demon blood, they had just wrapped up a successful hunt... for once, everything was okay. And then it wasn't. "I overdosed." Not at all.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

if i could leave (i would've already left) by serendipity0930:

“I have a mission from God for you,” the Angel whispers to the man. “It is time for you to do what you were born to.” The man’s face twists into a smile, delighted over being chosen by Him, a purpose from God digging into his heart, carving out a place to fester. “Hunt.” ... 05x03 AU where Zachariah is even more determined to keep the brothers apart and hunters are all too willing to take Lucifer's True Vessel off the board for good

CW: referenced suicide

It's A River (But Not In Egypt) by Lise:

He's still a liar. Maybe always has been.

CW: toxic Sam/Lucifer dynamics

Kindred Instruments by PinBitch:

They’re in a tug of war and Sam is the rope. He doesn’t need to be alive for that. OR Sam dies in detox, being flung against the walls of a metal box will do that to you. Dean and Ruby pick up the pieces.

CW: temporary main character death, permanent supporting character death

lazarus trick by katsidhe:

Sam's alive, so everything is gonna be okay. 13.22 coda.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence by Lise:

Sam's back. He's in one piece. That's the problem.

CW: self-harm

love is like ghosts by redskyatmorning:

I’m poison, Dean had said instead of I’m sorry. Well, Sam wants to say, what does that make me? What the hell does that make me? (A look into Sam's mind in the aftermath of the Gadreel possession.)

The Other Brother by RadioFriday:

Sam and Adam are pulled from the cage at the same time. Sam is not right, and Adam, stuck as his caretaker, is not pleased.

Oxygen by inkandpaperqwerty:

“Cas! Cas, please! Please, answer me! Cas!” Castiel ignores Dean for several minutes, but then Dean gives him an opening that might help him complete his mission. So, he goes to investigate, and what he finds is a very bloody, nearly dead Sam. Dean tells him where the injuries came from, and Castiel quickly becomes confused. It doesn't make sense, but Dean tries to explain it to him, and slowly... Castiel begins to understand.

CW: suicide attempt

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc by AmberSock:

Sam waits, kneeling, for his execution. What if Dean hadn't missed?

CW: temporary character death

Safety In Distance by GalaxyThreads and SpiritClusters:

The Mark of Cain is a brand of violence. Sam was an idiot to think that he'd be exempt from it, just because he and Dean are siblings.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd:

Sam gets cursed. They're dealing with it. Jack can see souls. That one they're not dealing with quite as well.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon

Soul Windows by GalaxyThreads and Spirit Clusters:

A few months after his birth, Jack learns how to see souls. Then he comes to a realization about the Winchester brothers, Sam in particular, and it's not a pleasant one. (gen)

Starry Night by keepcalmsmile:

Sam attempts suicide-by-monster. Dean tries to help. It sort of works...until it doesn't.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

such fragile, broken things by The_Bookkeeper:

Sam wishes that Dean would just get it over with already.

The Tale of Sir Galahad by keepcalmsmile:

Sam once said he could never be clean like Sir Galahad. Dean assumed he was just talking about the demon blood. Turns out, Sam was talking about something else too. WARNING: Extended discussions of the aftermath of rape and childhood sexual abuse (but NO description of the actual events). Happy(ish) ending, but potentially very triggering.

CW: past rape/noncon, mentioned CSA

They Hammered in His Teeth by jribbing:

Sam has a secret.

CW: suicidal ideation

today's troubles (are history tomorrow) by a_good_soldier:

"It's not really something I know how to share," Sam had said. In which Dean figures he ought to help Sam out a bit.

Touch and Go by themegalosaurus:

Tag to 9.19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann) in which Dean realises why, exactly, Sam is so angry about what happened with Gadreel.

trust fall by ad_castra:

“I’m nothing like you,” Sam hisses. Nevermind relating to the anguish of going it alone. Nevermind that he knows what it is to be strapped down and forcibly cleansed against his will. Sam wonders if these trials are purifying Crowley as well. 

Words Like Glass by broken_cinders:

Dean never figured the cage wouldn't leave a mark. He was prepared for memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. He wasn't expecting the words Sam brought back with him or the way they made him seem just a breath beyond Dean's reach.

Wound and Unwound by fascra:

Sam stops eating spring of his freshman year.

CW: eating disorder

wincest (dean/sam)

Brittle by thecapn:

Sam Winchester has an eating disorder.

CW: eating disorder

Don't You Cry No More by sixtysevenlmpala (schittyfic):

The first time Sam gets badly hurt on a hunt, he doesn’t cry. Dean does.

Fall On Your Knees by dollylux:

Sam doesn't quite make it home on the last day of school before winter break.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez:

Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.

CW: self-harm

Feels so good to feel again by Trojie:

The pain keeps Lucifer at bay, at least to start with.

Follow In Your Form by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating Lucifer in the wake of Cas bringing his Hell Wall crashing down. To make matters worse, it seems like this has his dormant powers flaring back to life.

Last Temptation by merle_p:

Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

leeches by Anonymous:

Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

CW: attempted kidnapping/torture

Make Thick My Blood by themegalosaurus:

“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.” A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki:

Sam is kidnapped by fanatically religious hunters and crucified. Coming back from this won't be easy. Canon-divergent from midway through season 2.

Recall by De_Nugis:

Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

The Room Upstairs by brokenlittleboy:

Sam comes back from hell, but he’s inside-out and all wrong, and Dean can’t fix him.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Ruin You (and its companion fic Worth) by Mumble_Bee:

Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his. “I told you I don’t care what you do to his face or his blood or his fucking nose,” Dean growled, “but you put your dick anywhere near him and I will end you.” “Better hurry up then, Dean, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

CW: explicit rape/noncon

Snowed In by HelloStarlingFics:

When working a case, Sam and Dean get stuck out in a shack in the woods when the snow comes in hard and fast. Trouble is, Sam’s hated the cold ever since the Cage. Time for Dean to step up and look after him.

Wake by minchout:

Gadreel has had Sam for four years, and Dean, lost in guilt and obsessed with finding a way to get his brother back, has isolated himself in a cabin in the Missouri Ozarks with nothing but the woods, a stray dog, some chickens, and all the books the Men of Letters had to offer to keep him company. Then Sam shows up one day without his passenger, and Dean learns quickly that it doesn't matter that Sam is with him again - there is still a lot of work to be done before they can find their way back to each other.

Wanting to Forget by morganaDW (morgana07):

1-shot. S1 fic. After getting Sam freed from the Benders Dean thinks all he has to cope with is some bruises and cuts. He learns quickly just how wrong he is when Sam wakes up with a nightmare, reliving his brief but bad captivity in every detail. Sam just wants to forget & Dean has to try to get him to let him help. Will one night of cruelty and pain ruin what’s been formed between them?

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

when I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place by quake_quiver:

Sam doesn’t remember the last time he cried for Dean like he did that night. And now it’s been…two weeks. Maybe more. Sam is tired, and in pain, and starting to doubt that Dean’s going to show up. He’s weak and shaking from a combination of constant pain and hunger. Sam longs for Dean. Dean would make it better. Dean would fix it.

CW: rape/noncon, body horror

Wire Inside Me by merle_p:

There are a lot of things Sam hates about his current condition, to the point where he sometimes feels for the gun under his pillow at night, blindly toys with the safety, imagines pressing the muzzle into the underside of his chin and pulling the trigger just to make it stop. But there’s nothing he hates as much as the shadows he sees in Dean’s eyes whenever his brother is looking at him these days. It’s not an expression he remembers ever seeing before, but Sam thinks it’s probably something like revulsion. Horror. Disgust. What else could it be.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon, body horror, forced pregnancy

Worth (and its companion fic Ruin You) by Mumble_Bee:

Episode 10x01 "Black" where Dean is a human, and very, very, pissed off to hear someone has hands on his brother. “It’s nothing personal,” Cole whispered into Sam's ear, too quietly for Dean to hear, “but I need to kill your brother, and I need him off his game when he gets here. I don’t wanna hurt you, kid, but I’m going to, anyway. I’m going to hurt you a lot."

CW: explicit rape/noncon

you'll never see us again by according2thelore:

Then finally, his eyes trail over to Dean. His pupils are pin-point thin, and his hair is straggling in his face so Dean can’t see most of what expression lies there. Sam usually wakes up from nightmares in one of three attitudes: confusion, fear, or calm. A scary, sense-prickling calm that Dean hates more than anything else. Resignation, almost. Or: Sam suffers from nightmares and touch starvation post-Cage. They do their best to deal.

other Sam/Lucifer noncon

Cage Fight (No Way To Do This Right) by Dyed_Red:

Sam’s visit to the cage is already going awry, but Dean’s one-man rescue ends up skidding it sideways into territory neither him or Sam are ready for. (Gratuitous episode scene re-write. If Cas hadn’t come till after, if he hadn’t been there yet when Dean ran down to the 'parole' cage after hearing Sam scream - how bad could it have got for the brothers before he made it?)

CW: graphic rape/noncon

Into Being by withthekeyisking:

When Sam wakes up in the cave on Apocalypse World after having been killed by vamps, it's not just to find Lucifer there with him. It's to find him in him.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, necrophilia, forced pregnancy

Reggie/Tim/Sam noncon

a pointless resistance for you by withthekeyisking:

Sam doesn't know how long he's been with Tim and Reggie by the time Dean shows up and tries to take him out of there. Long enough that's he's already lost one baby and is pregnant with the next. Long enough that this life is starting to feel like all he knows.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, forced pregnancy & miscarriage, victim blaming

screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing by withthekeyisking:

Sam has done his best to move past what Tim and Reggie did to him, pretending it never happened at all. But running into them again makes that very difficult—especially when Dean gets involved.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

Waste 'Em All by withthekeyisking:

When Tim and Reggie try to force the demon blood down Sam's throat, he spits it back out. He has no interest in being turned into their own personal attack dog. They don't...take it well.

CW: explicit rape/noncon

[konigsblog]

༉‧₊˚. sharpened claws

soap x f!reader ...

kinktober masterlist. (day 10, werewolf)

warnings: werewolf, hybrid, johnny is cruel and brutual, blowjobs, face fucking, hair pulling, spitting, degrading, female and male masturbation.

word count: 3.5k

a/n: for those wondering, requests are closed as i have over 200... yeah, i'm working my way through them as quick as possible! they will be turned on when i feel satisfied.

Johnny always had to be muzzled when he was in his werewolf form, otherwise you'd be left with bite marks and scratches all over your body.

He hated being muzzled. He despised it. He'd always back away when you attempted to put it around his jaw, growling and snarling at you for attempting to restrict him.

The moon became whole, and he began howling loudly. Any attempt at hushing him was deemed useless as he only continued, ignoring how you barked orders at him.

“Johnny, stop it!” you scolded, grasping at his collar and attempting to drag his heavy bodyweight back into the dog cage. Johnny didn't approve of this. As he snarled, he stood to his full 8ft potential in height, grasping at your poor, innocent body and throwing you to your knees.

He was going through heat, desperate to rut against your precious lace panties whenever he could. It would usually end in him being locked in that god forbid dog cage. He wasn't a dog, he was a werewolf, and he'd make sure you got that through your thick skull by the time he was through with you.

Large, furry paws grasped your hair tightly, angling your chin towards him. His eyes were white with anger and desperation, his hard cock already leaking at the sight of your obedience. Johnny would be taking charge now.

Now that he had you trembling and shaking beneath him, he could have his way, despite how wrong and taboo it felt to be taking his owners role. “When will ye' learn to stop fuckin' orderin' me about?!” his voice was laced with frustration as he grinded his wet, hard heat against your face slowly, rubbing it back and forth as his tip leaked and seeped white, sticky precum.

“Don't'ye want tae make it up tae me, bonnie?” he practically whispered out. The sheer size of him was enough to scare you into obedience, a vulnerable mess beneath the large, soft figure. You nodded, meekly taking his girth into your hand, stroking it slowly while maintaining eye contact with the beast.

“Good lass.” you shuddered at his praise, slowly licking around his head and collecting his arousal onto your tongue. Johnny's breath hitched before it became laboured. The wet sensation of your tongue against his huge cock was enough to have him growling out chants, praising you for listening.

You wrapped your lips around him, slowly easing down. It was hard, a struggle to fit his width into your mouth. Your eyes watered as you felt him hit the back of your throat, the intense grip on your head threatening you to be good for him.

Johnny gradually pushed you down, groaning when your tongue rested flat against his shaft. “Relax tha' throat f'me, princess...” he pushed his broad hips up against your face, forcing his dick further down your throat, gasping when you pushed you to the base. You grasped his fur covered thighs tightly.

God, that worried and petrified expression was to die for. He petted you like an eager dog, chuckling at your suprise. He rutted against your face, panting and growling out as he felt your lips tighten around him nicely. “God,— filthy fuckin' slag, huh? Ain't'cha just a delight?” his pace grew faster as the knot in his stomach began, full and heavy balls slapping against your face occasionally, wet and dripping, his musk prominent.

You babbled out around him, incoherent as he continued to ruin your pretty face. His thrusts grew erratic as he thrusted his erect sex down your wet throat. You fought the urge to sob, but the harsh gags caused tears to stream down your pretty face, your eyes raw as they flowed from your waterline.

A moan left his throat, his heavy ballsack wet from your drool and his pink, thick tip leaking into your throat. Fast and brutual thrusts caused you to panic and attempt to breathe through your nose, his thick fingers pinching your nose to mess with your mind.

“Ye' wanna breathe, aye? Better make me cum then, nuisance.” you choked on sobs as he forced his lengthy size down your throat, not caring one bit about you. He could feel himself getting closer as he rutted harshly into your face, his veiny shaft rubbing against your tongue as he face fucked you until tears.

“Naughty tease.” he spit, a fat glob of saliva landing onto your face. He tugged and yanked at your hair, forcing your head to move at the same rhythm of his hips. “Oh, fuck— God, bonnie–hah... Jesus, I'm gonna fuckin' ruin this throat...” he grew even faster, slamming his cock down your throat before spurting out thick strings of seed.

You gagged on it, it was impossible not to. A sob left your lips as he pulled away, leaving you breathless as he spurted the rest of his load onto your face, covering your face in his thick cum. He grumbled, throwing his head back. Your hands still grasping at his hips and your face ruined with tears. You cried out, your pussy leaking for attention, those pretty lace panties ruined from your arousal.

Slowly, he lifted you into his arms. He held you in his burly arms and pushed your cunt against his face whilst standing up, your hands immediately grasping at his ears as ripped your panties off using his canines. The second he had access to your gorgeous cunt, he was lapping over it, collecting your juices onto his tongue. He made no effort to avoid biting you, instead covering your thighs in bite marks to show dominance and control over you.

He swirled the tip of his tongue against your stimulated and sensitive clit, your stuttered sobs and moans making him chuckle into your sex. “Taste so sweet, mmh', fuck, baby...” Johnny's voice was pussydrunk, drunk and addicted to your sweetness.

The werewolf curled his tongue inside your hole, flicking your clit, his face covered in your slick as you grinded against him, squirting all down his chest. You came with a scream, your core tightening as you wiped your tears with the back of your palm, rubbing your cunt to soothe the sensation rushing through you.

He threw you onto the couch, panting beside you, his fur covered in sweet musk. Your poor pussy was so sloppy for him, he couldn't help but slobber all over your sex until it was covered in his drool.

“Look at yerself, bonnie. A complete mess, huh? Just couldn't help myself, 'm sorry.” brushing the hair from your pretty face, his cum still caught in your hair and running down your cheeks and chin.

...

[the-witty-pen-name]

Love is Blind (Part 1)

Eddie Munson x PlusSize!F!Reader

Summary: In a last ditch effort to evade the normal disappointments of dating, a group of misfits desperate to have someone see who they are on the inside volunteer for the most recent brain chemistry study at Hawkins Lab. 

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Reader has low self-esteem and struggles with self love/acceptance, anxiety/trauma related to bullying, tooth rot worthy fluff, Eddie being a major flirt, cursing, mentions of substance use, brief descriptions of masturbation, smut in later parts 

A/N: I got this idea from watching the newest season of Love is Blind and getting genuinely annoyed that the show still doesn’t have a more size inclusive dating pool. I feel like the show  could be so much more. There are many subjects the show could be featuring that it just doesn’t. Anyways, this is incredibly self-indulgent, Eddie Munson loves plus size women and I refuse to accept otherwise. Enjoy!

Please consider reblogging/commenting if you like it!

Day One: 

Eddie’s palms are sweaty, and he nervously wipes his hands on his jeans repeatedly. He bounces his leg, twisting the rings on his fingers. Fuck, what the hell is he even doing here? He’s sitting on a couch, facing a blank wall, and he’s absolutely scared shitless that he’s finally doing this. Hell, if it bombs, he gets some cash for participating. Whatever, it’s not like he actually believes in this shit. 

He’s up and pacing the room when he finally hears a door on the other side of the wall open and close. He literally jumps over from the back of the couch to get back in his seat. He can hear the faint patter of someone walking. Then it stops, he assumes the person on the other side has taken a seat.

“This is so weird,” the voice from the other side of the wall says, and Eddie feels immediately at ease. He chuckles, shaking his head, standing up to walk the pent up energy out. 

“Batshit,” Eddie exclaims in agreement. “I don’t know what I’m even doing here.”

“I’m here for the $200,” the voice jokes. “But that’s just me.”

He’s instantly relaxed, and suddenly, it doesn’t feel like he’s sitting alone in a drafty room on a lumpy couch. He’s intrigued, and ready to play the game. At least, he’s open to this first conversation. He feels a little better knowing that he’s not alone. He sits down finally, rubbing his hands still. 

“I’m here,” he begins, allowing himself to be a little vulnerable, “because I am sick of the way people look at me.”

“Fuck, amen to that,” the voice responds with a clap, and the reaction makes Eddie grin from ear to ear. “Guys are so shallow, no offense.” He laughs.

“I’m not usually this outgoing,” the voice shares, sounding a little more reserved, “There’s something about you not looking at me that's making me a little more brave.” Eddie thinks this girl sounds so incredibly sweet. He’s never been attracted to someone’s voice, but he’s feeling himself being pulled in. It’s gentle, and kind and not deserving of whatever the world did to you to lead you here. 

“Well, I’m used to being the spectacle,” Eddie sighs, leaning back into the couch, slumping down. “I can’t help it,” he exhales, “I mean, people think the worst of me no matter what I do, so like, fuck it. I’m gonna have fun with it.” 

“Is that all of it?” the voice asks, knowingly. Eddie scoffs at the perception. Is he that obvious?

“No,” he cringes, and he hears a giggle from the other side of the wall. It helps him feel more comfortable. “Um honestly,” he continues, a little shy, “Part of me keeps the act up cause if people are watching me, I’m not alone. I’d rather be the laughing stock than have no one acknowledge me at all.” 

“I’m the opposite,” the voice shares, “I’d so much rather be out of sight out of mind.” 

“Doesn’t that get lonely?” he asks softly. 

“In my experience,” the voice continues, “it has always felt like people keep me around so they feel better about themselves. I know that’s not true- I know my friends love me. I just- being by myself is my comfort zone. I don’t need to worry about how I’m like being perceived. Or if, like, I'm being judged.” 

Eddie nods understandingly, until he remembers you can’t see him. 

“I get it,” he says, trying to be comforting. “I, uh, yeah.. People don’t like… they don’t like understand what it feels like when you just feel simultaneously so small and like you take up too much space- and how they’re the ones that make you feel that way.” 

“Wow- I’ve never heard it put into words so well before. That’s just been my life, you know?”

“We’re really getting deep huh?” he jokes, chest swelling with pride when he hears the laugh. 

“I really like your voice,” the voice admits, and Eddie feels his face heat and he’s sure his face is flushed red from the compliment. His ego has been very much stroked at this point, and he takes the opportunity to fully embrace this whole flirting thing. If he can at least leave this experiment making someone feel good, then he won’t consider this a waste of time. 

“Well, I really like your voice,” he quips. “Actually, uh- I’ve been sitting over here, on a really shitty couch. And I was asking myself what the hell was I doing here? I am probably the worst person for this experiment- I don’t think I could take this seriously. Then, I heard your voice- and I instantly felt attracted to you- if you can believe it. Now, I’m over here, your voice bringing out thing I would never fucking say out loud. I’m pacing around, you’ve made a mess of me.” 

It feels like only a short period of time goes by, but in actuality, Eddie and his mystery date get wrapped up in talking for over three hours. He talks to her about music, his favorite books, his Uncle Wayne… sharing more about himself to a total stranger than he’d ever volunteer to even his close friends. You swap childhood stories, commiserate over bullies, and before he knows it, he thinks you might know him better than anyone. 

A timer buzzes and it’s time for Eddie to move on to his next first “date.” As the door opens and one of the technicians is ready to escort him to the next room. He desperately stares at the wall before he moves, hoping to hear the voice one more time. 

“Please, if you’re still there,” he says standing up, “I want to talk with you again tomorrow.” He knocks on the wall, rings tapping. He receives a knock back, and he grins devilishly, 

“It’s a date.” 

The technician taps his shoulder and he nods, letting them lead him out to the next room. He wraps an arm around the mousy guy as he jots down something on his clipboard. “I have a date tomorrow,” Eddie beams, looking back at the blank wall like he’s looking back to get another glance at you. 

Day Two:

You still tug anxiously at your shirt, making sure it’s not clinging to your belly. Even though none of your dates can see you, you can’t shake the self conscious feeling. Yesterday was draining, all of the dates you had fell so short after that first one. Nothing came as easy to you as that first one, and you’re hoping you’ll get to talk to him soon. 

You take a sip of your water, and opt to move from the couch to the floor. You sit criss-crossed and stare at the wall in front of you. You really focus on your breathing and try to let yourself open up. You’re here because you’re hoping to find someone who likes you for you- but no matter what, you’re still incredibly anxious thinking about the big reveal. No matter how well the conversations go, you worry it will be null and void once they see you’re plus size. 

“Please, please, please for the love of God that this is finally you?” you hear a familiar voice whine, and you can’t contain your smile. “Pretty girl, c’mon talk to me.”

“You don’t know what I look like,” you scoff, but still, you feel yourself still melting like putty. 

“Fuck, finally,” mystery boy sighs, and you hear him collapse on the couch. You can only assume his set-up is the same as yours. “Baby, I have been dying to hear your voice again.”

“This experiment not working out for you?” you ask, sympathetically. You find it hard to believe he’s not chatting up everyone else and hitting on them the same way he does with you. It’s the only explanation. You can’t let yourself believe he genuinely feels differently towards you. 

“No this sucks,” he says, and then you hear him blow a raspberry. You can’t help it but laugh in agreement. “I just want to talk to you.” He sounds so vulnerable, and you actually find yourself believing him. 

“Again,” you retort, rolling your eyes, “You don’t really know anything about me.” 

“I want to,” he sounds so sincere, and it makes your heart swell. “You are the least boring person here.” 

“I’m touched,” you reply sarcastically, and you feel good hearing that you made him laugh. 

“I wish I could take you out,” he says and he sounds closer, like he’s sitting up against the wall. “I’ve got like no fucking money,” he laughs. 

“I hate going out,” you reassure him, “I want to just hangout with you.”

“No, no, no,” he says dramatically, “No safe zone. You deserve to go out and be shown off. I am not gonna lock you away from the world, I’m gonna show you off.”

“And how are you gonna do that?” You quip, letting yourself slip into a little bit of a fantasy. You let yourself feel wanted and feel desirable even if it’s contained to this room. 

“Well, not to be like that guy,” he’s suddenly sounding a little shy and you find it very endearing. “But like, I’d want to bring you to one of my band’s shows. Like- don’t get me wrong, we play at like really shitty bars that take way too long to drive to. And we don’t even make back the money the gas costs to get there, but like, I really like it and um, that’s uh when I feel I’m at my best, and I’d want you to see that side of me.” 

“So what does bringing girls to a show look like for you?” you ask nervously, feeling a little twinge of jealousy that he may have done this before with someone else. 

“Sweetheart,” he chuckles, “if I was capable of getting girls out in the wild do you think I would’ve signed up for this?” You laugh a little. “Trust me,” he further explains, “This is not something I never imagined I could do before talking to you.”

“Okay, okay, I take it back,” you reply, and you're sure he can hear your smile through the wall. “Let me rephrase,” you say, taking a deep breath, “What does bringing me to a show look like?”

“Well,” he exhales, “I’d pick you up, in my really nice and not sketchy at all van that doesn’t make any questionable noises. I usually drive the guys too but honestly, fuck them, I want us to have time together. I don’t mind telling them to pound sand. And don’t feel bad for them, they’re also kind of assholes.” 

You can’t help but giggle, noticing he tends to have that effect on you. He makes you nervous in a really good way, and you try hard to fight it, but you worry that it’s no use. As much as you find yourself really enjoying mystery boy’s company, you can’t help but let that fear creep in that all of this will go away if he ever sees you. 

“But anyways,” he continues, “I’ll admit it, I’m a little bit of a show off. And I know if you were there watching me, I’d just like be putting my all into it. I would really try hard to impress you. I’d also want the pricks there to know you’re with me so no one bothers you, so as much as I know you’d hate it, I would point you out and tell the whole place you’re there with me.” 

Your face is so warm, and you can’t hold back the cheesy smile that has expanded across your whole face. You can’t believe a guy would be genuinely that proud to have you there with him. You really do think that he’s being genuine, and it makes your heart soar. 

“I’m really surprised you don’t have girls fawning over you, rockstar,” you smile, wanting to make him feel special too. Even if this crashes and burns, you can tell he’s a sweet guy. You can see that maybe he’ll let you down gently. You don’t know why your insecurities hold you down this much. You, more than anyone, get in the way of your own happiness. You’re determined to not let it affect you this deeply. You resolve to let yourself see how this goes, and to throw yourself into it- willing to get hurt. 

“Trust me,” he scoffs, “I am not what you’re thinking I am. I’m not like that guy, I’m more awkward than anything. I think girls are more interested in the football star guys, the future suits, you know? Guys with a haircut and go to college- They don’t want to waste their time with a going nowhere punk.” 

“I really don’t think that’s true,” you speculate, “There’s no one with a poster of Jack Welch on their wall- but every girl I know has a picture of Eddie VanHalen.” 

“Is there like a peephole in here or something?” He says jokingly, knocking on the wall, like he’s looking for one. “Or are you just a psychic or something?” 

“What are you even talking about?” You chuckle, raising an eyebrow, confused. You shake your head, but before you can’t get clarification, the buzzer sounds, marking the end of your time with him for today. 

“NOOO,” you hear him dramatically exhale. A muffled voice, your assuming is one of the lab techs must be exhausted. 

You press your hand to the wall, as your form of an intimate goodbye as the technician holds the door open for you. You get up from your spot and head out, excited to come back tomorrow for another round of dates. 

Leaving Hawkins Lab, each test subject needs to stagger there exits as to not risk accidentally seeing the other candidates. You are in a small waiting room, doing your daily exit interview with one of the neuroscientists. 

*** 

Under the agreement you signed when you volunteered for the experiment, you are not permitted to go to any locations where people socialize and congregate. You’re not permitted to go anywhere where you may accidentally see or meet one of the other subjects. You are required to only go out on necessary errands such as grocery shopping or appointments. 

On the drive back to your apartment, your mind keeps overplaying the worst case scenarios your anxiety keeps conjuring. You know the whole point of the experiment is to see if love, or whatever trumps physical attraction. If hypothetically, someone does fall in love with you- your appearance shouldn’t be a factor. However, it’s not wrong for you to want your partner to be attracted to you. And you acknowledge physical attraction is a thing and if you aren’t someone’s type that isn’t bad either. Your past experiences and unresolved childhood traumas surrounding your appearance and self-esteem, makes it difficult to allow yourself to see that you are actually desirable. 

Although unknown to you, a lot of people in this experiment feel the exact same way. Not fitting into the box society wants to slot them in has made dating incredibly difficult for many. There’s a comfort knowing everyone there supposedly wants the same thing as you, just to be loved. You weren’t sure going in that you would even make connections with anyone. At first, it felt like low stakes- worst case scenario you walk away no better off than before. But, you didn’t anticipate actually hitting it off with someone like you have, and it’s opened a whole new set of fears. 

***

At his trailer, Eddie just stares up at the vent in the ceiling above his bed. He blows out another puff of smoke and watches as it swirls and wafts up into the air around him. His thoughts are consumed entirely with you. He watches how the smoke from his blunt mixes with the smoke of his burning incense and his mind drifts, just completely fixated on how the minutes on the clock tick by until he can talk to you again. 

He wonders if you’re thinking about him, the same way he’s thinking about you. He wonders if you’re trying to picture what he looks like the same way he’s making guesses about you. He thinks about if you smoke, and he imagines what it’d be like if he was sharing this with you. Thinking about what it would look like, your lips around the joint, blowing out smoke from what he imagines is just a sexy mouth. He can’t help but close his eyes and let a little frustrated groan escape at the thought. 

He can’t picture the entirety of you, but more so he can imagine just your presence in his room. He imagines the feeling of someone laying beside him, smooth skin he can run his hands across, the warmth radiating off of another body in his bed. He has your voice in his head, wishing you were talking to him now. 

With his eyes closed, joint put aside on his ashtray, he imagines it’s your hands tugging down his jeans, and it’s your hand wrapping around his hard cock that’s staining the band of his boxers now. He thinks about your laugh, and that adorable giggle of yours, and how much he can bask in the fact that it’s him who elicits those reactions from you. He thinks about the sweet voice, the flirty fluctuations of your tone when you warmed up to him. He imagines you using that same voice to tease him if you were here, seeing just how much of a mess you’ve made of him. 

He’s never been able to get off without some kind of visual aid, so to speak, before. Now, he’s practically whimpering just thinking about the sound of your voice and thinking about your hands on him. He thinks about the feeling of your hands working his length up and down. He imagines how playful it would be, rolling around on this bed with you as the layers you're both wearing come off. He doesn’t even need to try to think about what you look like to feel aroused by you. He doesn’t even care in the slightest at this moment. 

He’s so needy, twitching as he feels himself get closer, and he thinks about what you would be whispering in his ear to get him to finish. He imagines the praise, and the way you would be begging for his cum. He realizes he doesn’t even know your name, as he’s hit with the urge to call it out. 

“Fuck, pretty girl,” he moans instead, working himself up to his release. He keeps moaning out his little nickname for you until he’s made a mess of his shirt and he’s gasping to catch his breath as his orgasm extracted all the energy from his body. 

Tomorrow, he resolves, he needs to learn your name. 

PART TWO

[evadnesworld]

random thought as i struggle to beat my goofy ahh procrastination, various x reader

zayne who greatly aides with procrastination, as a doctor (genius may i add) who has done so many experiments, dealt with many patients, and has probably written various research articles; he knows how to deal with procrastination.

he hands you a warm cup of tea and a sweet treat; sits next to you; and starts studying; making sure youre engaged.

rating? 10/10, he definitely helps with productivity.

rafayel who is down to study with you (or work) with you so you can get your things done.

but, he's not that helpful. in between staring at your constantly with a pout on his face since you try to ignore him when he gets insufferable, and also being engaged in his artwork (hes drawing you btw). you get some things done, but definitely not everything- he helps with productivity, but hes the cause for a good chunk of your distractions.

id rate him an 7.9/10

xavier who is the worst study partner to graze this universe. hes very much down to study with you, although all your attention will be away from him- hed rather make sure youre happy with yourself and your progress.

however, he sucks at studying when he has such a beautiful sight in front of him! it just lulls him to sleep. and youre typing or writing- its like a lullaby. his presence does indeed aid with the alleviation of procrastination, but he wont be getting much work done; maybe in his dreams but right now hes sleeping. no studying or working. sleeping. at least hes making sure hes well rested?

also he might drag you to bed too.

i rate him a 7.1/10

sylus? (take this with a grain of salt i havent unlocked him cuz i wanna finish the chapters in order) does indeed help you with studying. like all the other boys he wants you to not be stressed with deadlines and studying for that upcoming 12 page math exam you have. (projecting)

but, be careful what you wish for. because when you get to studying, he'll make sure youre studying. so that means no breaks to oogle at him, and tease him. nope! not right now, lock in!!!

then, if he sees you get distracted he'll tease you until you start working again, or he'll tease you so much that you decide to call it a day so you can get back at him. he wont let you live it down though, if you stop studying because of him.

id rather him an insufferable/10

(jk) id rate him a 8.7/10

dividers by @/kthice, @/strangergraphics-archive, and @/anitalenia

gotta do 200 math questions by tomorrow!! and its 8pm btw!!! im tweaking out if you couldnt tell.

[astarionancuntnin]

Die For You (Chapter 2)

summary: following your encounter in that dark alley, you're faced with your old love. will you have the strength to stand up to him?

rating: T

word count: 2.5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: kidnapping, reader is shackled for a while, starvation (both imposed by captor and self-imposed), manipulation.

a/n: a shorter chapter and no funny business this time around cause we gotta focus on the development of their relationship while reader is in captivity. also! look out for the additional a/n at the end of the chapter! im undecided on where i want to take this so i want all of your opinions !!

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I fell in love with someone

I don’t know

Anymore, anymore

Sometimes I wonder if you

Think of me

Anymore, anymore

-

You can't make much of what happened after he appeared. You were too shocked by the presence of your past lover to acknowledge whoever cast sleep on you, knocking you unconscious at your most vulnerable moment. Cowards. When you awaken, you’re shackled, hanging to a wall in a dark cell. You pull against the restraints to no avail; you were securely locked in.

Your struggling must’ve made too much noise, as not long afterwards, the door opens wide, revealing Astarion, alone. He was standing proud in lavish clothing, different from the ones you had seen him in at the party a few days ago, but just as proper. As much as these last few months had been awful to you, it seemed like they had been the best in his last 200 years of existence. He approaches you slowly, head held high and arms crossed in his back.

“How’s your head, my dear?”

Hearing his voice again for the first time in months triggers a wave of emotions within you. Hurt, hatred, longing… lust. You shake them away as best as you can before questioning him.

“Why did you bring me here, Astarion?”

“I simply wanted to talk,” he says, his tone annoyingly playful.

“Was the kidnapping and shackles really necessary?” You slightly pull against them again to make your point; you can barely move in this condition.

“Can you blame me? Seeing how you ignored me so easily all night, and the fury in which you provoked my servants, I doubted you were going to follow me here willingly.”

You close your eyes and sigh, dropping your head, discouraged.

“Plus,” he adds, “I couldn’t take the chance to have you run out on me. I let you go once, it’s not a mistake I’ll be doing again.”

“Really? Now, after all these months, you want me back?” You chuckle, somehow finding a way to laugh at the situation you’re in as you raise your head back to meet his gaze. “I notice that your inability to move on wasn’t part of the many things that changed after your ascension.” 

He smiles back, amused by your wits. “I told you, I only changed for the best. Besides, I know you've been missing me just as much.”

“Oh please,” you roll your eyes, trying to conceal your reality. “You couldn’t be further from the truth.” “Am I? Were you not alone and miserable for all these months, flinging yourself at any stranger willing to spend the night with you? Or did my spawns lie to me?”

“Wait… How do you know that? Have you been spying on me?!” You exclaim in disbelief.

“Well, someone had to make sure you weren't off to get yourself killed in some stupid way.” 

You scoff, offended at this image he had of you. “I can handle my own, thank you.”

“And yet, my servants had no problems cornering you in a dark alley.” 

You open your mouth as you're about to answer back when you find yourself at a loss for words. He got you there, the prick. He notices your silence and sighs before commenting on your state.

“I’m sure you’re mad at me right now, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. But know that I’m doing this for your own good.”

“My own good? If you wanted to help me, you would disappear from my life, let me go and give me a chance to move on.” You feel like crying, and yet, the irony of the situation makes you laugh some more. “You have everything you’ve ever dreamed of and yet, you still couldn’t find someone new to replace me.” He laughs lightly. “I’ve only ever wanted you, my treasure. And now,” he walks towards you with a languid pace, his hand reaching for your chin, lifting it to meet his gaze, “You're finally where you belong, where you should have always been in the first place.”

You snap your head out of his grasp. “Shackled at your feet?” You spit out.

He forcefully brings back your gaze on him, his nails grazing your cheeks, making you hiss. “By my side.” He looks at your bared teeth, smiling. “You will make a deadly consort, that I'm sure of.” Your eyes widen as you understand the implication, and your voice rises as the fear starts to set in. “NEVER.” 

He tilts your head aside and leans in the crook of your exposed neck, his breath hot against your skin. “You don't have to. I can just take what's rightfully mine,” he whispers and that last word sends a chill down your spine. You struggle in his grasp, trying to pull your neck away as you shout. “Don’t you DARE!”

He chuckles to himself. “Oh, don't you worry, I won’t bite unless you ask, very, very nicely.” He releases your face coldly but doesn’t move away from you. “But where are my manners? I almost forgot; I meant to invite you to eat.”

“I would rather starve,” you declare, leaning into that last word.

He sighs, seemingly growing tired of your attitude. “Fine, do as you wish,” he says, walking away from you. 

He leaves and you’re left on your own for Gods know how long. You spend those first hours trying to free yourself still and eventually give up when you start to feel the bruises on your wrists. You drift in and out of consciousness, fatigue affecting you more with every hour that passes. Without any source of light, it’s nearly impossible for you to tell how much time had gone by since the night you were captured. But, judging by the growling of your stomach, at least a full day had gone by, maybe even two. Your arms and legs were starting to give out on you as well, when the door before you opened to a spawn you didn't recognize. 

“Lord Ancunín invites you to dinner,” he says, composed.

“You can tell him to fuck off.” Your words don’t have the intended effect as they’re told with a shaky voice. In truth, you would kill for just a piece of bread right about now, but you would let yourself die before you complied to Astarion.

“I'm afraid that's not an option.”

Two more spawns appear behind him, and you instantly understand where this is going; this wasn't a request, it was an order. You're unshackled, although the spawns’ grips were so strong, you didn’t notice a difference, and were guided out of your cell. You reach an immense dining room, where Astarion has been waiting for you, a gold cup already to his lips. Knowing him, you suppose it’s either blood or fine wine, not that you care either way. You sink into the chair positioned at your end of the table, eyeing the food before you suspiciously. 

“You don’t seriously think I would poison you, do you?” He exclaims. “Oh no, quite the opposite; I only want what’s best for my precious pet.”

You scoff, briefly eyeing Astarion who is sitting opposite you before turning your attention to the contents between the two of you. You would lie to yourself if you said you weren't starving. The food laid out on the table looked delicious. The table was filled with different plates of food, each one looking better than the previous, making your stomach growl in appetite. You could practically drool all over the place, but you didn’t want to give Astarion the satisfaction of seeing you cave in. Not yet, not so soon. You wouldn’t let him get the best of you. 

Astarion quickly understands your intentions, with you staring right back at him, and he sighs, rolling his eyes. “It wouldn’t be wise to let yourself starve, pet. You wouldn’t want to waste all this delicious food, would you? Don’t be shy, at least take a bite.”

You're tempted, but against your better judgement, you ignore the mouth-watering meal, crossing your arms in defiance. He rolls his eyes, matching your attitude.

“As you wish.”

He snaps his fingers and the two spawns that brought you here move towards you, reaching for your arms. You stand up abruptly, pulling away from them and swiftly grabbing a knife from the table, standing in a defensive stance. Astarion speaks up, and you can practically hear the smile in his voice. “Trust me, you do not want to pick a fight here. My lovely assistants only want to bring you back to your cell for the night.”

“I know the way.”

“I insist.”

Your fatigue and hunger get the best of you; you simply don’t have the energy to fight. 

“Fine.” You drop the knife on the floor in defeat; even if you managed to land a blow, you had nowhere to run off to, and they would probably catch up to you anyway.

“That’s my girl.”

You hate the effect he still has on you. He knows just what to say to get to you.

You shoot him a deadly glare and feel your breathing quickening as your heart races with anger and your nails dig through your palms. He smiles pretentiously at you, and you’re overcome with thoughts of jumping onto him and punching his stupid face, making him regret everything he’s done to you these last few days. If it wasn’t for the awful twist in your gut, you might have. You shut your eyes closed as you look away, frowning, before you start walking away and the two vampire spawns accompany you to your cell, where you let yourself slouch over the rock wall. At least, they didn't restrain you again.

Once again alone with your thoughts, your mind drifts to your companions. Specifically Shadowheart; would she still be waiting for you? Would she be looking for you? You wish you had a way to contact her, let her know you need help. Your thoughts are interrupted by a stabbing feeling in your gut, again. Maybe you should’ve taken a bite, just a small one, just to keep you going… No, this was a game to him, you needed to hold on. The pain is good, you try to convince yourself, it’s a reminder that I’m alive, mortal, and I’ll fight to keep it that way as long as I can. 

Another wretched tenday passes and you avoid the food still. Every day follows the same routine: you’re woken up, Astarion’s spawns bring you to the large dining room where you’ll refuse to eat anything, until he gets bored of your attitude and you’ll be brought back to your cell, three times a day. You sense how Astarion is getting annoyed at you, and it strengthens your resolve. However, you hate to admit it, but you’re becoming weaker and weaker. You spend most of the passing days asleep, unable to think straight through your hunger, and too exhausted to do anything else. 

Finally, you cave in.

As you're brought to the dining room for dinner, your gaze falls upon your favourite meal, presented before you. For the first time in days, your façade breaks down, you have eyes for nothing else other than the meal in front of you. Had this been given to you on the first day, you would’ve gladly turned it down, but you didn’t have that kind of resolve anymore. Astarion snaps you out of your reverie by speaking up, and you raise your eyes to meet his.

“You had asked me what my favourite meal was and I couldn’t remember.” His tone is gentle. “It had been so long that everything tasted like garbage. Even wine tasted like pure vinegar. It frustrated me. That’s when you told me about yours: Baldurian Mash. You described it in such great detail, I could almost taste it myself.” He pauses, and you look up to meet his gaze. “I wanted to give you what I couldn't have. A chance to remember.” You can’t stop the tears from swelling up. You’re famished, completely drained, and mentally spent; this was the last straw. You grab the gold-plated utensil with a shaky hand and dig into the plate, shoving that first bite in your mouth. It’s even better than you remember it. You chew on that first bite longer than necessary, relishing the taste of the meal. It’s comforting, filling, it tastes like home; it’s everything you’ve wanted and more. You are so hungry that you end up ravishing the rest of it, barely taking the time to savour it properly past that first mouthful. Your belly growls, this time content with the food you finally gave it. After so many days resting on an empty stomach, you can't afford to eat anything else. You smile unconsciously as you lay back in your chair, satisfied with your meal, before getting up to leave, following the usual routine.

You stop in your tracks near the door and slightly turn around towards the ascendant, pausing before the words escape your lips.

“Thank you.”

As you walk away, you miss the devilish grin forming on his lips, as you curse yourself for granting him the satisfaction of your words.

You know the way to your cell by heart now; you would probably be able to reach it with your eyes closed. You walk in front of the spawns, your mind wandering to your evening, to him. He remembered that little detail about you that felt so insignificant back then, and he sounded so sincere. What if he cared all along? Had you been wrong about him all along? Did you miss out on the signs, too blinded by your guilt? Deep down, was he still your Astarion? The same questions keep repeating themselves over and over until one of the spawns speaks up, snapping you out of your own world.

“Excuse me, my lady?”

Lady? The mention of the title stops you in your tracks and you turn around to face them, a question mark visible on your face.

“Lord Ancunín requested that you be moved to this room from now on.”

The spawn walks towards a door you had never noticed previously and opens it, welcoming you in. You look at the other spawn who nods at you before you walk towards the room. Inside you find a large bed, draped in luxurious blue and gold silk sheets, a lit fireplace creating a warm light all around, and a large window, covered by black curtains. The room alone is almost as large as the one you shared with your companions back at the Elfsong. The walls were filled with books that you couldn’t make out exactly, and a cosy blue velvet chair sat between the fireplace and the window. You’re still taking everything in when one of the spawns speaks up.

“Please let us know if you are in need of anything. Have a good night, my lady.”

You barely notice them as they both leave, closing the door behind them, too enraptured by the sight of your new room. You're confused. Could this be a trap? Was he watching you from somewhere like he had been all those previous months? You look around quickly but can't make out much, as the fatigue from your first meal in days settles in. The bed in the middle of your room looks so comfortable after spending days sleeping against the cold rock ground. You reach for it and as you lay down, you feel yourself drift to sleep almost instantly.

-

Familiar faces that look like you

They tend to

Mess with my head just like it's deja vu

It's always

Right when I think I’m getting over you

That it feels

Like I have salt inside an open wound