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darkmulti · 3 years ago

Note

I see your request is open for hc yay!

Can i request A!JKxO!Reader where jK has a huge dick and reader is a virgin and also his mate. So JK marries her and forcefully deflowered her and forcing orgasms out of her (bleeding/blood play while deflowering her is up to you). She found out JK’s obsessions of forcing orgasms out of hers until she passed out every night. JK also has a breeding and breastfeeding kink so he wanna knock her up just so he can breastfeed on her. He locked her up, all the time he spends with her is used to breed her while forcing as many orgasms out of her. Ok thats too long of an ask, sorry.. 🥺 thanks! 💜

-> I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH SHAUSHSHS

⚠️: NON CON, mention of blood, breeding kink, breast feeding kink, multiple orgasm, dacryphilia kink, angst, death, murder, slapping, somnophilia kink, rough sex

Pairing: Alpha!Jungkook x Omega!Virgin!reader

-> sorry for any mistakes

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Your breed and Jungkook’s breed are not on good terms

The reason why is because your breed have better senses and are a lot stronger

Jungkook’s breed is the second strongest and let me tell you, they don’t like second place

Since they outdo your breed in numbers, they travel around in large packs and kill wolves your kind

If they eliminate all of you, they’ll be on top

Your parents raised you to stay away from them

They’re just trying to keep you safe because you’re their only child

They allowed you to explore the forest, but you couldn’t go too far

They still needed to be able to smell you out

You’re parents also told you howl if you felt like you were in danger

And you can only explore during the day time

Once it’s night, you must stay close to your parents so they can protect you

One day, you were sitting close to edge of a cliff

This was your favourite spot because it gave the perfect view of the sun setting

10 minutes later, you decided to go back to your pack only to be horrified by the scene

Your pack… everyone was dead

Blood everywhere

Bite marks all over their body

You walked into the crime scene more and saw your parents dead on the ground, next to each other

You immediately burst out into tears, not believing what you’re seeing

“Mom! Mom, please! Wake up!” You nudged her but it was too late

You sat down in between your parents and grieved the whole night

Why couldn’t they kill you too?

You were about to close your eyes but, caught an unfamiliar scent

Your natural instincts kicked in and you got up

You started looking around but that’s when something attacked you from behind

You fall to the ground and knock out after they give you one hard blow to the head

The next morning, you woke up in a bed

You frantically looked around, trying to put the pieces together, but that’s when he popped out of no where

His scent didn’t fail to reach you and once you inhaled it, you remembered all the traumatizing events of last night

Your heart rate increased and you immediately started to panic

“Where’s my mom?! Where am I?! Take me home!”

You started to freak out

“My mom told me to stay away from monsters like you! Leave me alone!”

You let out a piercing howl and made a run for it

However, Jungkook was faster and much, much stronger

He got a hold of your wrist and dragged you back to the room

He quickly pulled out his phone and shoved it in your face

You were squirming around at first but once you heard a familiar cry, you stopped

Jungkook was showing you live footage of wolves your breed, tied up god knows where and howling for help

Your heart crumbled into a million pieces

“W-why are you doing this to us?” You choked on your sobs while watching your breed beg for mercy

“Marry me, and I’ll let them go.”

You looked at him, appalled

“Marry? I won’t marry you. After you killed my family, you want to get married?!”

You pushed him away from you and slapped him

Jungkook poked his cheek with his tongue and quickly dialed a number

“Kill them all.”

You look up wide eyed and shouted “No!”

“You don’t wanna marry me so, now I have to kill them.”

“Wait! No! I’ll marry you! Please set them free!”

Jungkook smirked in victory and told his buddies to stop

“Wedding is tomorrow. Everything is planned, all you have to do is get all dolled up for me and say “I do.”

He left your room as you sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping your tears away

The next day was the worst day of your life

They woke you up early so, they could start getting you ready for the wedding

Once you said “I do” at the alter and signed the paper, Jungkook lips turned into a evil grin

After sealing your marriage with your first kiss, Jungkook drove you both back to your new house

Once you got inside you turned around and faced him

“I did what you asked. I got married to you and now, I’m your mate. You got what you wanted. Now show me live footage that you’re letting the wolves go.”

“You’re so cute, y’know? You really fell for it. The footage wasn’t live. Those wolves have been dead for a while. I could show you the footage of me killing them, if you’d like.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach

“What do you mean? It wasn’t real?!”

“You’re so naive, little one.”

You look at him, dumbfounded

“Why did you kill all of them? Why did you kill my pack? I just don’t understand. Why did you kill all of them just to marry me in the end?”

“Lower your voice, I don’t like being talked to in that way.”

“Go fuck yourself!” You yelled and turned around to leave

He pulled you back and carried you downstairs to the basement while you kept thrashing and yelling

“Let me go, you sick bastard! I don’t want to be near you. Your scent is disgusting!”

You made the worst mistake of your life that night

That was the first time you made him angry

He tried controlling himself but, after you insulted his scent, he wasn’t going to go easy on you

One hard slap after another shut you up pretty quickly

Now, you were terrified of him

Your cheeks were warm and stinging as hot tears glided down

All you could think was “why?”

Why was this happening to you?

Why was only your breed being targeted?

Why did he kill all those wolves?

It mentally tore you apart

You couldn’t wrap your head around anything going on

Before you could fight back, Jungkook got on top of you and pulled your dress down

“W-what’re you doing?!” You quickly grab your dress and struggled to keep it up

“No! No, please! I’m not ready! Please, I’m not ready! I hate you!”

You began to panic, so naturally you howled

“Please! I want my first to be someone I love! Please, don’t do this to me! I’ve never done anything bad in my life! You can kill me if you’d like!”

Crying and fighting wasn’t enough to stop Jungkook

He pushed his whole length in and started fucking you hard without letting you adjust

You frantically cover your breast and private part with your hands but he flipped you around and took you from behind

You felt disgusting and worthless

Your blood was streaming down your thigh and it covered his cock

Jungkook grabbed your ripped wedding dress and wiped up all the blood so, you’ll never forget this day

He threw it in front of you to make you feel even more bad about yourself

You looked away from the dress and focused on your breathing

The speed he was going at was unbearable therefore, it was quite hard to catch your breath

You started to cry for help, calling for anyone who was brave enough to save you

Jungkook’s size wasn’t easy to adjust to

It felt like you were being ripped apart

Especially because it was your first time

“P-please! S-slower! I can’t-”

Your voice cracked in between your sobs

You felt his cock grow inside of you and his tip began rubbing against your cervix

The pain was too much to handle so, you started to cry harder

“No! Too much! I can’t take it!” You wailed, trying to move away from him

He pulled you right back and went as deep as he possibly could

You came around him and thought it was over

Little did you know, it was just the beginning

Hours later, you were under him sobbing hysterically

You were filled with his cum to the point where it was leaking out of you

There was literally a puddle of cum in between your legs

You had bruises all over your arms and body because of his tight grip

And his strong scent made your head spin

You were a helpless, mess

Hickeys covered your neck, collarbone and jawline

Your lips were swollen from all the rough kisses

Your clit was burning from overstimulation

Your cheek was red and bruised

But, Jungkook didn’t plan on stopping

You felt like you were going to pass out when suddenly ripples of forced pleasure pushed through your body

You held your breath and tried fighting off the feeling but it was impossible

You started to cry more, not being able to handle the fierce orgasm

You sobbed uncontrollably, not know what was happening to your body

Before you could open your eyes again, you passed out

Jungkook hovered over you again and fucked you 10x harder after watching you spasm around him

He didn’t care that you were unconscious

You looked so hot in that moment, he couldn’t resist

This continued on for the rest of the year until he purposely impregnated you

If his offspring had a mix of his genes and a mix of your genes, it’d definitely be one of the strongest wolves to ever live

You were crying so hard, telling him to stop because you weren’t on anything

After you found out you were pregnant, he blamed it on you

“You have one fucking job and it was to take your pill.”

“I ran out of pills and I told you that night! I told you to stop. Jungkook, I tried my best to warn you but you didn’t listen-”

He pushed you back on the bed and forced another orgasm out of you, not caring about your pregnancy

You couldn’t fight him off so, you stayed still and hoped for the best

You didn’t want to stress out because it would be bad for your baby

Although you were pregnant, Jungkook demanded sex

Even when you were 8 months pregnant, he still fucked you as hard as he could

You were in so much pain but handled it for your child

The next month, you gave birth

You were obviously new to the mom life and it was quite difficult to adjust

Usually, women have to wait 4-6 weeks before engaging in sexual intercourse

The doctor explained it to both you and Jungkook, so it’s not like he doesn’t know

After you breast feed your newborn son, you tuck him into bed and go to your shared bedroom

You were still in a lot of pain and really wanted some rest

Jungkook was out hunting and when he came home, he was a bit intoxicated

You smelt the alcohol the moment he stepped in the house

He stumbled his way upstairs and slammed the door shut, scaring your newborn

Your son started to cry so you quickly got up to put him back to sleep but Jungkook didn’t allow you

“See what you’ve done? You wouldn’t have to deal with this shit if you had just taken your pill.”

You ignored him and went to your son’s room to put him back to sleep

Jungkook followed you to his room and pulled you out before you could pick up your son

“Did you listen to what I said? I’m fed up with this attitude of yours.”

“Let’s not fight in front of him. We’ll talk in the room.”

You escaped his grip and put your son back to sleep

When you enter your room, you see Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his belt in hand

Your heart dropped to your stomach

“N-not today. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet.”

He scoffed, “do you really think I give a shit?”

He raised his voice a little and you gestured him to keep it down

“Don’t yell, he’s sleeping.”

“This is my house, I can talk however I’d like.”

There was no winning against him, especially if he’s intoxicated

You thought you could hold him off for the night until he’s sober again, but you were completely wrong

You were going to your side of the bed when he whipped his belt below your butt

He pulled you by the hair onto the bed and pulled down your night shorts

“I can’t, Jungkook! It hasn’t been 4 weeks! No!”

Jungkook always gets what he wants

His body weight kept you down as his cock plunged deep inside your cunt

You haven’t healed properly, so the pain was intolerable

You covered your mouth with your hand and sobbed

You still needed to be quiet but it hurts so bad

You pushed your face into your pillow and attempted to let out quiet whimpers

“It hurts! Please, slower!” You whispered

Jungkook purposely went faster and the skin slapping was so loud, you were afraid it’d wake up the baby

You were gasping for air, trying to get his body weight off of you so you could breathe normally

An hour after, you had another orgasm

You clutched onto the bedsheets and tried your hardest to remain silent

Jungkook came inside you again and collapsed on top of you, making you groan

He grabbed your right breast and began sucking as hard as he could until milk squirted onto his tongue

You tried squirming around to get him off, but the more resistant you are the more aggressive he gets

In the end, you passed out like always

You kept your distance from him and gave all your attention to your son

He hated that your attention wasn’t on him 24/7

So, he gave your son to his parents for a full month and kept you locked up in the basement

For that whole month, he fucke you senselessly

You were having orgasms every night; you couldn’t do it anymore

He’d bite down on your nipples and manhandle you all sorts of ways

You were exhausted but your son’s life was always on the line

Jungkook could easily hurt him

He doesn’t really care about your son

(I mean, he does but he acts like he doesn’t so he can use it against you.)

Jungkook only looks at your son as your weakness

He’ll make you have three orgasms in a row and if you tell him to stop or slow down, he mentions your son and it immediately shuts you up

He loved having so much power over you

He could literally fuck you for the rest of your life

You didn’t understand why this was happening to you, but there was nothing that you could do about it

There’s no one that could help you and even if there was, Jungkook will always one step ahead

No one dares to mess with him

I know this has lots of mistakes. I’m so sorry😭

#non con #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts smut

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tryingmybestpls · 4 years ago

Text

From the Dining Table

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: Sam decided to visit the Reader and her daughter in the months following Steve’s death.

Word Count: 2k

Rating: T

Warnings: a child, mentions of infertility, mentions of a miscarriage, talks of pregnancy, mentions of loss, death, feelings of loneliness, depression, grief

Y/N looked exhausted.

Sam watched from his seat at the kitchen island as she bounced the crying infant in her arms, trying to soothe little Sarah Rogers. The bundle of pink was screaming her, upset at everyone and everything. Y/N smiled at him apologetically, holding her child with one arm while the other went to work grabbing a bottle from the fridge.

"I don't know if you can tell, but I wasn't her favorite parent." Y/N tells Sam, only joking slightly as she pops the lid off the bottle with one hand. She cradles her daughter carefully before giving her the bottle, silencing her cries. A smile stretches across her face, happy that her child's cries had stopped.

Y/N had been dealt a bad hand by the universe.

Steve and Y/N had tried for years to have a baby. Both of them had desperately wanted a family, wanted some slice of normalcy in their lives. At first, in that first year they were married, it had been fun, playing that guessing game each month. They weren't seriously trying then, just letting whatever happen to happen. Then as one year turned into two, they got a little more serious about the whole thing. Both of them did everything they needed to do-they got tested to make sure everything was working right, did everything the doctor told them to do. Dozens of false positive pregnancy tests had plagued them in those first two years, constantly getting their hopes up old to rip that all away. Trying in the third year was halted by the Sokovia Accords and the team fighting each other. Y/N and Steve both thought it would be a bad idea to try to have a child while they were on the run, so they stopped their efforts. The fourth year had brought heartbreak when Y/N had actually gotten pregnant for the first time, but lost the baby before she was twelve weeks along. They tried a few times in the fifth year, months after Thanos had snapped his fingers and wiped out half of the galaxy. It had felt wrong though, to be trying to bring life into the universe when so much loss had just occurred. In the span of the five years that everyone was gone, Y/N had been told she was infertile. She just had to grin and bear it, helping Pepper and Tony take care of Morgan whenever they asked. Steve and her just sort of gave up, not wanting to deal with all of the heartache for the rest of their lives.

It was towards the end of their ninth year of marriage, their ninth year of trying to have a baby, someone smiled down upon them. As an early Christmas gift, Steve and Y/N received a positive pregnancy test. They were incredibly cautious, doing everything to the 'T' to make sure that they child would be okay. And in August, Y/N gave birth to a beautiful baby girl- Sarah Rose Rogers, named Sarah after Steve's mother. Things were great until October, when they had to fight against Thanos one last time to make things right and Steve decided he would much rather go back in time to be with Peggy, coming back an elderly man.

He died a few months later, right after his daughter turned five months old.

"How are you doing?" Sam asks quietly, not wanting to disturb the hungry child. Y/N sighed softly, looking up. She had deep dark circles under her eyes, clearly showing that she hadn't been getting much sleep. Her cheeks didn't look as full, making Sam wonder if she wasn't eating.

"I'm surviving. It's definitely difficult, trying to balance everything." Y/N replies, her eyes glancing back down at her daughter, "It's-Everything is all new to me. Most of the time I think I'm doing everything wrong."

"When was the last time you slept?" He questions, shifting on the bar stool. Sam felt guilty. Steve had asked both him and Bucky to look after his wife and child, to make sure that they were doing okay without him. Sam hadn't. He had other things to deal with-such as trying to readjust to this new world and talking to his family-so checking on Y/N had slipped his mind. Yet as he looks at her, taking in every little detail, Sam knows that he should've been calling her more, should've talked to her more.

"I can't sleep." She answers honestly, leaving out the 'without him' that was sitting on the tip of her tongue. Y/N had been so used to sleeping next to Steve that she had found it almost impossible to sleep without him. She fights the urge to yawn as she continues, "Besides, it gives me time to take care of things around the house. There's always a ton of laundry to do and I have work -"

"Woah woah hold on, you're supposed to be on leave, Y/N." Sam announces, raising an eyebrow at her. Y/N continues to feed her daughter as she glances up at him, her lips pressed tightly together.

"I'm not going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs, Sammy. I-I need to keep myself busy." Y/N replies, her voice wavering. She withholds the words that want to follow. I don't want to think about him. Sam turns his head, his eyes landing on a box sitting in the table that sat in the kitchen. A layer had dust had gathered on top of it. It probably hasn't been touched since it had been placed on top of the table. Written across the side of the box in black ink was PICTURES + RIBBON BANNERS. Things from the funeral, he realizes, left in the box to collect dust.

"Are you going to therapy? Like we talked about?" Sam questions, his voice a lot softer, like he's talking to a child. Y/N's shoulders seemed to slump and her mood starts to sour. She looks down at her daughter, who is blissfully unaware of what's happening around her. When Sam asked if he could come over, she should have assumed that he was going to act like this but she didn't. Y/N had thought he was just coming over to visit, but then again that should've raised some alarm. Like everyone else after Steve was put in the ground, Sam had left to live his life. Y/N had to struggle with being a new mother and living without Steve all by herself. No one offered their help or checked in to see how she was doing. The only one who she talked to was Rhodey, but that's because they worked together.

"You thought about him didn't you? That's why you're here. Something reminded you of him and then you thought of me." Y/N replies, the emotions leaving her voice, "Because if you did care, you would've called or texted or something."

"Y/N-" He starts, but Y/N quickly cuts him off, pulling the now empty bottle away from her daughter's mouth. Sarah looks up at her mother, her little hands rubbing at her eyes. The baby shifted in her mother's arms, trying to get comfortable. Y/N carefully puts the bottle into the sink.

"No, no don't try to tell me that you came here on your own volition, Sam. You don't text me, you don't call, you don't try to talk to me for a few months and all of a sudden you want to drop in?" Y/N sighs, shaking her head, "I-I appreciate you coming here, I really do, but don't waltz in here suddenly concerned over me."

They stay silent for a moment. Sam knew she was right. He had kept himself busy and as the days passed by, Y/N and what she might be going through slipped from his mind. It wasn't until last week when he was asked by someone about how Y/N was doing. He knows that he should've been making sure she was okay. Y/N had been one of his closest friends before Thanos snapped his fingers. He had watched her and Steve's relationship blossom and bloom. Hell, he had been Steve's best man at their wedding. He should have been right there for Y/N, should have been her shoulder to cry on after Steve had been buried, should have helped her take care of Sarah, but he hadn't. He had decided to run away, leaving her behind, leaving her to reassemble the shattered pieces of her life by herself. Sam had gotten to move on with his life. Y/N couldn’t.

"I'm sorry. I know that should've called and made contact after the funeral. I know that I should've come by. I just..." Sam sighs, his eyes focused on her, "I didn't know what to say to you. I wanted to help, wanted to console you, but I-I just couldn't. I didn't know how to tell you that everything was going to be okay when I didn't know if it was going to be okay."

Y/N doesn't respond. Instead of looking at Sam, she casts her eyes on Sarah. The child yawns, stretching in her mother's arms. Sarah had her mother's eyes, but had her father's blonde hair. It shined softly in the light as the baby curled up against her mother. Sarah was all Y/N had left of Steve, her last reminder of how much she loved him. But as she looked at her sleepy daughter, she felt that familiar pang of heartache, the same one she would get every time she looked at Sarah because she was reminded that Steve had abandoned this sweet little baby, had abandoned Y/N to make a family with someone else, someone who probably didn't have to try for years to have a baby with him. Y/N wanted to direct all her anger towards Steve, but she had started to think about what things she might’ve done wrong, even though Y/N knew that there was nothing she could have changed to make Steve stay. He was the one who made that choice, he was the one who decided to leave, so he should be the one she was mad at, not herself.

"I-I've been doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I go to therapy. I take my pills. I started working again so I have some sort of normalcy. I make sure Sarah is okay, I try to be the best mom I can be for her. I do everything I am supposed to do and still-I still feel bad. I feel so fucking bad all the time, Sammy." She suddenly announces, tears starting to pool in her eyes. Sam can feel his heart splinter in his chest as she continues, "I just-I don't understand why he left. He-He told me that he loved me every day and that he loved Sarah and I just....Why would he leave us?"

Sam didn't know how to respond to any of that. He didn't have an answer for her. He didn't know why Steve would leave his family. The whole situation confused him as well and left him with a bad taste in his mouth. The man who he had thought Steve was, that man wouldn't have just up and abandon his wife and infant daughter. No, that man would happy, over the fucking moon that he had a family. The Steve Sam knew wouldn't have left behind his wife and child to make a family with someone else, with someone who already lived a good life. Sam didn't understand what could have happened in those five years that would make Steve do that.

Instead of saying anything, he stood up and walked around the island. Sam carefully pulled her into his arms, making sure sweet little Sarah didn't get squished in between them. The infant looked up at him, probably wondering who the hell he was. Sam held the two of them in his arms as Y/N cried, her shoulders shaking with her sobs. Her child rested in her arms, completely unaware of what was going on.

#sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #anthony mackie x reader #tfatws

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sunaswife · 4 years ago

Text

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

🔪: THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN AN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE SCENE PLEASE BE ADVISED IF YOU CHOOSE TO NOT READ THEN SKIP THE ITALICS AND START READING AGAIN WITH THE REGULAR FONT

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Ten

“Don’t worry I will save the princess and the queen!” Rini yelled with a paper towel sword. “Rawr!!!” Rin sat on his knees and flared his arms. “Oh no save us!” Akira yelled and you both stayed huddled on the couch. “I’m going to eat the princess and the queen.” Rin growled and attack Rini. Rini fell on his back and Rin began tickling his son.

Rini immediately began laughing and thrashing around under his dad and you were trying to tell them to be careful so Rini wouldn’t pee on himself. “See mom, boys are useless.” Akira muttered and stood up on the couch. Before you can scold her she hopped on Rin’s back and began pulling his hair. “Bad dragon don’t tickle the knight!” She huffed and began smack. “Oww, what the fuck—“ Rin hissed and gripped Akiras shoulders. He flipped her and made her land on her back (gently) and began tickling her as well.

Akira’s laugh filled the living room and Rini was trying to catch his breath. “Mom save us!” Akira yelled. “Jesus Christ.” You sighed and did exactly what Akira did. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your chest rubbed his back. He froze and Akira caught her breath. She lifted her legs and with her feet pushed him back and Rin lost his balance. You fell back and Rin landed right on top of you. “Ow..” you mumbled and rubbed your head. “I’m sorry.” Rin groaned and turned, his face rested right between your breasts. He slowly lifted himself and he looked at your chest. He looked up at your face and saw the embarrassment. “Holy shit I’m sorry!” He said and immediately pulled away.

“It’s okay. Sorry for landing on your back.” You muttered and he held out his hand, you grabbed it and he pulled you up. “Mommy and daddy sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Your kids sang and you scowled. “Come on, time for bed.” You immediately said and they began to whine. “No cuz then daddy’s gonna leave.” Akira whined. “No arguing. It’s late and momma and I need to have a talk.” He said and carried them both.

He walked them to their room and began tucking them in. They kept protesting that they didn’t want him to leave but he said that he had to and it was final. He was going to come back and see them anyways.

A crying fest began and it took almost an hour for them to calm down and eventually they knocked out due to exhaustion. Finally you and Rin sighed and closed the door to their room. “I can’t believe you did that for five years already.” Rin said and rubbed his shoulder. “I need to see a chiropractor.” You muttered, “me too.” He replied. You made your way to the kitchen and took out a wine cooler, “want one?” You asked, he nodded and you tossed it and he caught it.

“I’m gonna need like four of these.” You said and Rin snorted. “You bet.” He sighed and you both got comfortable on the couch. “Where do i start?” Rin hummed. “Post breakup...?” You suggested and he nodded. “Once upon a time—“ he started and you nudged him with your foot. “I’m your ex not your kid.” You said and he chuckled.

“Alright. So it started when—“

“Sweetie please talk to us..” Rintarou’s mother knocked on her sons door. “I’m fine.” Rin spat out. “Just leave me alone.” He said as he held the pig plush in his arms. “Rintarou I’m worried. Please.” His mother begged. “What do you want me to say?!” He raised his voice causing his mother’s eyes to widened.

He’s never ever raised his voice at her. “The girl that I love left me. How am I supposed to feel?! I don’t have anyone anymore!” He cried. “Sweetie she’s your first love, of course it’ll hurt but—“ “She’s my only love! Don’t you get it! I don’t want to be with anyone but her. She was my rock, she was there when nobody else was. She supported me and inspired me to be better and now she’s gone.” He sobbed and squeeze the pig plush.

He saw the photo of you and him smiling by his bed and his chest tightened. “You fucking idiot!” He yelled at himself. He threw the plush and grabbed his wallet from his desk. He opened the door and his mom was standing there looking at her son in shock.

“Rintarou—you’re out. Are you hungr—“ “I’ll be back in a few days.” He told her. “Wait what? Why—Rintarou I know you’re heartbroken but you’ll find someone who will truly love you and appreciate—“ “Don’t you get it you old hag?! She loved me and appreciated me! But I ruined it! I ruined everything!” He neared his mom causing her to take a step back.

His eyes widened and he saw the fear in his own mother’s eyes. “Mom I—“

Slap

“I’m sick and tired of you being stupid! She’s gone. She doesn’t want you. Just move on. It won’t be easy but you’ll get over her eventually.” She told her son and he wiped his face with his sleeve. “I’m going to Miyagi and I’m going to find her.” He had decided, “With what money Rintarou? That’s a day long trip.” His mother asked.

He looked at her and she shook her head, “I’m not giving you money to see your little ex girlfriend just for you to come back even more depressed.” She told him and he rolled his eyes and slammed his bedroom door.

His mother sighed.

That night she got into a fight with her husband. “Rintarou is severely depressed and he’s having mood swings over some girl!” She hissed and his dad sighed. “My love, he’ll get over her eventually. He just needs his space—“ Rintarou’s parents were both interrupted by banging on their front door. They looked at eachother confused and his dad went to answer.

When he opened the door he was met with the gray haired twin. “Osamu hi..what brings you here—“ “Where is Rin?” He immediately asked and pushed through them. “What do you mean, he’s in his room.” Rin’s father said. “Excuse me.” Osamu quickly panted as he ran up the stairs. It was incredible disrespectful to barge in unannounced and without taking off your shoes but he wanted to make sure that his best friend was okay.

He found Rin’s door and tried the door knob. “Leave me alone!” Rin’s voice cracked as he tried to open the new pain meds his mother bought. “Rin listen to me, open the door. Please.” Osamu begged. “Osamu whats the meaning of this?” Rin’s father automatically asked. “Rin open the door.” Osamu repeated. Everyone else was muted from his mind his watery eyes and shaking hand made it hard for him to open the pill bottle.

He didn’t answer and Osamu’s heart stopped. He took a few steps back, then rammed his shoulder in the door. Rin flinched and turned to see his door slightly cracked. Osamu winced at the pain and he stepped back once more instead of his shoulder he lifted his leg to kick and he tried breaking it once more.

“Fuck Fuck Fuck.” Suna muttered as he kept his struggle. Finally the pill bottle cap unscrewed and his eyes widened. He held the pills in his palm and he put his head back to swallow. Even if he chokes trying to swallow the dry pills it doesn’t matter. He grabbed his water bottle, the one you put stickers all over and he drank as much as his throat could take.

It hurt swallowing down those pills, his throat burned and it felt like he was being cut from the inside. From the corner of his eye the door bursted open and came in Osamu with Suna’s poor weeping mother being held by her husband, his father. “Are you a fucking idiot?!” The gray haired twin screamed and immediately pulled Suna to his side. “Call 119 NOW!” Osamu yelled. “Leave me alone Samu—“ “Like hell I will! What would Y/N think if she find out you did this?!” He yelled. Tears filled his eyes and he could barley see his best friend. Rin stayed quiet and his gaze shifted passed Osamu’s shoulder.

“Y/N...what are you doing here?” Suna whispered and Osamu saw Suna’s eyes next to him. “What do you mean I’m stupid? I just feel so lonely... I said I was sorry. But you didn’t want to listen.” Suna began to cry once more and Osamu hugged him. “It’s gonna be okay. Please stay with me Rin.”

“Oh my god.” You cried, “I’m so sorry.” You apologized. “Hey hey it’s okay. I’m fine now.” Suna smiled softly and held you in his arms. “You could have been dead because of me.” You smacked his chest. Even in tears You looked so beautiful.

“In all honesty it was my fault to begin with. I shouldn’t have played with your heart. And when you left, it broke my heart. And I desperately wanted to get it back. I guess it showed how much I loved you.”

“How much I still love you.” He said softly.

“Rin you’re insane.” You wiped your eyes. “And what happened after?” You asked. “Well I had a dream about you and you seemed disappointed in the actions and state I was in. So I decided to try to be better than I was before. So that eventually you can take me back. I don’t know if you noticed but I’m a bit more social.” He joked and your heart swelled.

“In all honesty you were my motivation out of my depression. Sometimes I still get episodes and it sucks but I’ve been fine for a while now.” He admitted. “So you literally did a 180 just for..me?” You hiccuped. “Yeah. I love you. Always have and always will.” He looked into your eyes hopefully.

“Do you want to move in?” You asked and his eyes widened. “You want me to move in?” He asked. “Well how else are we gonna raise two kids? Our schedules are always changing. It makes sense to just live together.” You said and he nodded.

“Does that mean we can like share a room and cuddle like last night?”

“No.”

🔪: I know this was a lot but I wanted it to end a little positively

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @tpwkatsumu @ohrintarou @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

#haikyuu suna #suna rintarou fluff #suna rintarō #suna x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #miya atsumu #miya osamu #Akira and Rini #your everything #Inarizaki

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mummacalavera · 4 years ago

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Real Life Mom!Salem (2/5)

based on my fantasies about Salem raising Watts, Tyrian, and Cinder in our world, completely unfounded, self-indulgence for the win. Part One.

Cinder arrived sick, malnourished, still recovering from the last assault, and had many intellectual deficits. Salem took a week off from work to focus entirely on getting her settled, also to learn more about who the kid was and which need was more emergent. By the end of those seven days, she had learned that most of her needs were emergent and that her health had reached critical levels. The girl was in actual danger of dying. Her finances were rearranged for all the medical bills she would've come in her way, she also added a new therapist and reserved a selected amount for unforeseen expenses. There were a lot of exams and doctor visits for the rest of the month, which not only took a toll on her money but also on the kids who were getting stressed out. Cinder specifically was having a hard time having needles biting her arms constantly and strange adults, dressed in white, touching her sore body and keeping her in cold blue rooms.

Cinder's recovery was painfully slow. One of her main struggles was the pills she had a hard time swallowing. Salem came to a point she would mash the pills with a knife and mix it in the child's juice just to avoid the drama of getting her to choke that down.

Different from the boys, Cinder's diet had to be adapted to her poor nourishment. Almost everything Salem gave her during the first days ended up causing bad stomachaches and nausea, which caused bloodied vomiting and diarrhea. To get her more easily adapted to the new food, Salem would go out of her way to learn the best ways to make the food look appetizing and taste better. Little did she know Cinder would devour anything with joy, neverminding the appearance. Food was a luxury, anything she could get was good enough. Being fed three times a day was a dream come true.

Salem couldn't deny that among her three kids she seemed to be way more invested in Cinder. The way she furnished her bedroom and bought her clothes was unlike anything she had done before. The youngest got a canopy bed that looked like it came from a fairytale book, exclusive collections of porcelain dolls, tailor-made shoes, Barbie dolls of every kind, and accessories. It was a rags to riches classic story.

Watts didn't mind the toys or the bedroom so much, but he did miss his mom's attention. Tyrian on the other hand was having the time of his life playing with his sister and discovering his own love for dolls and "tea party". Cinder was happy to have him around and never hesitated on sharing her toys. This attitude helped to get Tyrian on her side since Watts wouldn't share anything with both of them. When Cinder grabbed his 3DS out of curiosity he freaked out and got both of his siblings kicked out of his room.

After Cinder was finally healthy again Salem had the time to pay attention to other things around the house. And she finally noticed Watts growing jealousy and resentment against his siblings, especially the youngest one. She took her time to work on that problem because he was soon going to college and she wished that they would not part ways with hard feelings.

Despite being happy to stay with Cinder, Tyrian was still a quite aggressive kid. When distracted and emotionally charged, the boy would lose consciousness of his own strength and behavior. Because of that, Salem had to keep an eye on them every time they were playing together, no matter what. The first time an accident happened she was trying to make dinner, finish a deal online, and watch the kids in the TV room. A pillow fight broke, she had to rush to save the food, and before getting back to the younglings, a miscommunication on the chat online stole her attention. It was Watts calling for her that got her out of the computer and into the TV room where her eldest son was dragging his limp sister from under the pillow where his brother had kept her for way too long, almost suffocating her. Up till that moment, Tyrian was laughing and teasing Cinder to fight him, completely unaware that she was barely conscious on the floor. Salem had to disarm herself of every stress-related work, stress-related food, and focus only on her children because she was about to lose it. Fortunately, Cinder recovered fast and well, Salem asked Watts to watch her while she talked to Tyrian who was beginning to realize something was wrong. She did not shout at him, she did not blame him, she first helped him calm down and hugged him into serenity so he could actually listen to her and understand what she had to say. In the end, Tyrian felt sorry for what he did and promised to be more careful next time. Cinder had no problems accepting his apologies and held no remorse against her brother. Salem was secretly shaking and never again allowed herself to be distracted when taking care of her children again.

#rwby #rwby headcanon #rwby au #rwby fanfic #salem rwby #arthur watts #tyrian callows #cinder fall #baby cinder #young cinder #mom!salem

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whumpmatsus · 3 years ago

Note

Do they have to be whump related? Also Ichimatsu getting a shot pls

wasn't sure if you wanted a draw or a fic, so I did both!

and yeah, any draw or fic requests you send here should probably be whump-related since this is a whump-focused blog

though if you wanna send any draw or fic/scenario/reaction/etc. requests that AREN'T whump, you can send them to my general Osomatsu-san blog at @kisskissmatsu!

enjoooooy <3

Usually Ichimatsu is the sextuplet who’s fine being left all by himself.

Being in the hospital without his family, though, is a much different story.

It started innocently enough ― with a persistent cough that was almost certainly the herald of a cold or sore throat on the horizon. As much as he hates being sick, he sort of resigned himself to it. He’s the one among his brothers who’s forever catching what happens to be going around, despite the fact that he doesn’t spend a lot of time around other people. That’s why he started wearing a face mask when he does leave the house.

It was about a week or so of sneezing, coughing, and sniffling his way through various attempts to rest. His throat felt worse than it usually did with a cold, and even more alarming was that his chest felt like it was on fire, especially when he started coughing. Even though he started having trouble breathing, he thought maybe this was just something that would linger for a bit, something that needed more sleep to recover from.

When things didn’t taper off after that, since a week was typically all it took for him to start feeling better, the others started commenting on it.

When Ichimatsu started to spend more time in the bathroom with a sink full of hot water in the hopes that the steam would help him breathe easier, and it didn’t seem to be having any effect, they all got worried.

When Karamatsu blurted out, “I secretly took Ichimatsu’s temperature with a forehead thermometer while he was sleeping and it read 39.4!”, Mom and Dad immediately carted their fourth son off to the hospital.

It figures Shittymatsu would get him into this mess, but Ichimatsu supposes that the sneaky gesture was only out of care, otherwise Karamatsu wouldn’t have spoken up about a number that concerned him.

That doesn’t mean he has to like it. After a distressing, panic-inducing few hours of waiting and a date with the X-ray machine, the doctor diagnosed him with bacterial pneumonia. That particular diagnosis ensured that he had to be admitted into the hospital under quarantine, because as the doctor explained, bacterial pneumonia is extremely contagious and potentially life-threatening, particularly to someone with a fragile immune system like Ichimatsu. They can’t send him home to infect his brothers or the rest of the community, and even though he isn’t technically immuno-compromised, his tendency to get sick easily means that it’s better for him to be here in the hospital in case things suddenly take a bad turn.

Being in here is like he’s trapped in hell and can’t get out. Because he’s in quarantine, he never sees anybody. Which would be fine normally. Feeling so poorly is a significant reason for wanting his family nearby, though… and he can’t have them.

The most they can do is visit outside his room and talk to him through the speaker system. That’s even worse, seeing them all and not being able to have any real contact with him. Right now more than anything, what he wants is a hug from his mom. God, he wants a hug from his brothers.

It’s hard to even get any rest like he’s supposed to be doing. Most of his time is spent sitting up, trying to get a sufficient breath in while he listens to various TV channels. The idol news reminds him of Choromatsu, sports statistics remind him of Jyushimatsu, game shows remind him of Osomatsu, American dramas remind him of Karamatsu, and fashion shows remind him of Totty.

Those are just distractions, because it’s still hard to breathe. He’s struggling for most of his breaths, but too deep a breath will trigger a coughing fit. Which, in turn, makes it more difficult to breathe.

It’s barely been a day since he was admitted and already he wants out of here.

His brothers visit sometime after lunch, and they spend a few hours. Eventually the nurse gently chases them out, telling them that Ichimatsu needs to try to get some rest. Shortly after that she comes into the room, rolling her little cart with the tray on it.

“How do you feel today, Ichimatsu?” she hums, pulling on a pair of gloves. “Any better than when we admitted you?”

He shakes his head and tries to answer when another series of coughs interrupts him. Although it’s hard to cover his mouth when his whole body is aching, he does his best. After all, he doesn’t want to get anyone else sick. He’s already in quarantine, so all the doctors and nurses are taking their own precautions; still, he shouldn’t just give up and spread his germs carelessly. “N-not really.”

She nods and picks up a wrapped packet from the tray. “Well, to be honest, that’s understandable. It hasn’t been very long.” The packet is ripped open, and the distinct smell of alcohol fills the air as she carefully pushes his sleeve up. “The lack of improvement does concern us, though. So I just have to give you an injection of some medicine, okay?”

Shit. He thought that might be what was going on here. He knows he’s too exhausted to fight it, and yet, his brain evidently isn’t too exhausted to not be fucking anxious about it. “I… I have to get a shot?”

The cold wipe is rubbed against the top part of his arm. “Yeahhh… I’m sorry. This is penicillin, and it’s one of our standard treatments for pneumonia. The doctor thinks you’ll have better luck sitting still for one shot than for a whole pill-and-water deal, since you’re coughing a lot. I kind of have to agree, since you might accidentally inhale some water if you cough while trying to take the pills.”

Immediately he starts to panic. Most of the time the idea of a shot doesn’t bother him more than it might the average person ― he gets the yearly flu vaccine without any problems. Right now, however… the idea of a shot while he’s already feeling so terrible, the initial pinch and the ache that might happen afterwards and being alone, it just feels scary.

The nurse must hear the way his breathing starts to quicken, or maybe the way his hands start shaking. She gives his shoulder a little pat. “Ah, I know on your chart it says you suffer from some anxiety. Are you a bit anxious right now?”

“Y… yeah…”

“Okay. That’s totally fine, you know? Different people get anxious about different things. Would it help if I distracted you, or if I gave you a countdown so you know when it’s coming? Sometimes that helps so it’s not a surprise… or, sometimes people prefer it to be a surprise. Which one do you think would be best for you?”

… Oh. He wasn’t expecting something like that. It almost feels like he has a little control over this, despite the fact that he has to get the injection either way. “C… can you… count down?”

“Sure, of course. No problem.” Then she reaches over with one hand, grabbing the syringe with the other. “Would you like to hold my hand?”

That’s kind of… babyish, isn’t it? “I-I’m not a kid… I don’t wanna…”

She chuckles. “Well, you know, earlier today I held the hand of an elderly lady who was getting a shot. It’s not just a kid thing. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too.”

He takes a moment to consider that, then silently slips his hand into hers.

“Alright, just squeeze if you feel like you need to. I’m all set, are you?”

“I… I think so…”

“Okay, I’m gonna give you the countdown then. Here we go. Three ― two ― one.”

As soon as she says the last number, he feels the needle pierce his skin. It’s uncomfortable, a sharp kind of pinprick pain. There’s a slight feeling of tightness and soreness as the medicine is emptied into his muscle, and a brief jolt when the nurse pulls the needle out.

All in all, even though it isn’t a pleasant experience, it’s not as bad as it could have been. It’s certainly better than choking on a pill and a glass of water if he had to try to swallow the medication.

And, at least, it’s over now.

“There. You did great, Ichimatsu. Probably my best patient of the day!” With that, she sets the syringe back down on the tray and gingerly smooths a bandage with a cotton ball over the injection site. “That should keep you clean just in case any blood trickles out from the shot, and someone will come take it off later if the adhesive starts to make your skin itch.”

He nods and coughs into his arm again, giving a soft groan. He’s just so tired, from the fever, from the coughing, from not being home. “Is it gonna m… khh… make me tired?”

“Haha, it shouldn’t, no. You might feel a little nauseous, or you might have to go to the bathroom more, or you might get a small itchy rash… just press the call button if any of that happens or if you feel strange otherwise, okay?” Her cart is all packed up already, and she’s heading out of the room. “If you get tired, it’s probably because you’re sick and need rest. So, try to sleep as much as you can.”

“’Kay.” He just feels like this illness has drained everything out of him, and there’s a little throbbing where he got the injection. But, the more he sleeps, hopefully the sooner he can recover and go home.

On her way out, the nurse dims the lights. Practically as soon as she does, Ichimatsu’s eyes start to drift closed. God, he’s so tired.

He lies down, though the bed is still a little elevated since sleeping flat will just make him cough more. Sleep tugs at him, and he has to move a little bit so he’s not putting any pressure on the area where he got the shot.

Soon. Soon he can go home.

Just as soon as he gets better.

#needles tw #Osomatsu san #whump #Ichimatsu #illness #pneumonia #coughing #hospitalization #injection #he's sO FREAKING LONELY MY POOR BABY #as a side note I've had some great nurses and some not great nurses during my time in hospital stays #and EVERY NURSE SHOULD BE LIKE THIS ONE I WROTE she's great this is how they should ALL treat patients <3 #GET WELL AND GO HOME ICHIBABE

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krispydefendorpolice · 5 years ago

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Miraculous Future (3)

Justice League England/Saturday Evening

Ok. Here is the next chapter of the kids from the Future AU. We’re closing up the chapter of their lives from Dupont and the class and starting to get into their lives together. At least that’s what I had in mind this chapter.

Enjoy the reading.

Beginning Previous Next Masterpost

————————————

Once they were at the London Division of the Justice League headquarters the Paris group was divided into smaller parties. Another three children and 5 young adults had joined their group for the trip to England from Marne-la-Vallee, France.

Marinette’s group, which included Sakura, Terry and Helena got a larger conference room as they waited for a medic to take the samples they needed.

With the medic came, a file clerk who went down a list of questions asking about the children, their affiliations, their parents future selves, and their affiliations. Terry, Helena, Emilie and Thomas all mentioned attending ‘The Academy for Future Heroes’ or ‘Hero Academy’ as it was affectionately called, for their schooling. They said that Damian and Jon continued their current affiliations with the League.

Before they left Marinette asked if they could get food for the kids and the rest of them. The last meal was around 1 when the children arrived and it was getting to be 8 and little Louis was beginning to fuss.

They were led to the cafeteria where many of the displaced children and families were getting meals as well. Marinette drafted Damian and Jon to help her get food for everyone while Adrian, Luka Terry and Helena were deputized to keep the Litterbugs together and calm.

Meals were served and children were eating when someone approached their table.

Marinette and the rest looked up to see a nervous Nino standing next to them. He glanced at Marinette and Adrian before looking down at the top of the table. “Would it be possible for me to have a word with the two of you?” He asked them.

Adrian looked at Marinette for her response. When she stood, he went with her to an empty table that was a bit farther from theirs but within eyeliner if needed. Marinette and Adrian took seats next to each other on one side as Nino sat across from them.

“I’ve been listening to Dahlia and the twins talk about the future. They’ve had some eye opening things to say about Lila and,” he grimaced, “even Alya. But it’s made me think about how the class has been for the last couple of years and I think they might be downplaying how bad it gets.”

Marinette waited for Nino to get to the point he was trying to make. Under the table Adrian had taken her hand because it was hard to see his old friend, his first friend in school, struggle with this. Marinette gave it a squeeze as Nino continued.

“I owe you both an apology. I let Alya and Lila tell me lies that if I thought about for myself for even a moment I would have known they weren’t true and believed them to be truth. I hurt the both of you with my words and my actions over the last couple of years and you didn’t deserve that.” He had tears in his eyes when he met their gaze head on and finished, “I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend to you.”

Marinette looked down at the table as she found the words she’d wanted to say since the whole class schism had begun. “I accept your apology Nino,” she looked up at his eyes for the next part, “but I can’t forgive the hurts you’ve caused. You were one of my oldest friends and you know me. But you still chose to believe a stranger over me. You turned your back on me when the class was bullying me and your turned a blind eye when Alya and Lila themselves would harass me.”

She stood up and finished her speech, “I wish you have a good life Nino. Cherish those little girls that are waiting for you but I can’t have you as part of my life anymore. Goodbye.”

Marinette turned and walked away from the boys and back to the large table with her future at it. Where there was silence behind her there was laughter, noise and chatter in front of her. She found her pace quickening so that she could get back to that table faster.

Adrian looked at Nino who was freely crying in front of him. “You were my first friend you know? The first friend I made by myself and of my own choice.” He smiled at Nino when he looked at him. “Thank you for offering your friendship. You helped me to see the world beyond the walls my father built. But Marinette showed me what it meant to be family. She’s been there through every change since we were 15 and she’s stood with me when my Dad would have turned Lila into my keeper at school.”

“Have a good life Nino. You deserve it too,” Adrian left the young man at the table and joined his boyfriend, his best friends and their family at their table.

****************************

They returned back to their conference/waiting room when everyone finished eating. By this point Baby Louis was falling asleep and Jon was holding the baby since he had cried when anyone else had tried.

According to Terry and Helena he was like that in the future as well and insisted that either Mama or Dada, his name for Jon, hold him when he was sleepy.

Batman came into the room with J’onn J’ones. The Martian Manhunter himself went over the results of the kids tests.

“So the results of the LitterBugs,” he stumbled over the nickname but continued on, “was as you had said. Marinette is the biological mother for all with fathers as previously stated.”

He turned to Chloé, Kagami and Sakura, “Mademoiselle Bourgeois is the biological mother, no matches were found for a biological father.”

“And Miss Helena is who she says she is. Which leaves you young man,” he closed the files and looked at Terry who was sitting with Helena.

“Congrats. It’s a boys,” he smirked at Bruce in his costume.

Bruce removed the cowl since he was pretty well resigned to having the Parisians in his house until the children could be returned to the future and everyone else here already knew.

“How?” He asked. Since Damian came to them

Bruce had been as responsible as he could to ensure they didn’t have a similar situation occur.

“Relax,” Terry said leaning back into the wall, “I don’t think you had any say or control over my birth. There was a mad science group.”

“Is a mad science group?” He asked looking at Helena who shrugged back. “Anyways, they managed to get DNA from blood left at one fight or another. Used it to create a nano-virus which they gave to my Dad Warren. Changed his doodads into genetic replicates of yours. Mom and Dad got busy and nine months later a bouncing baby boy is born with your DNA”

“Didn’t make a difference to either of them while they were alive, but when my dad died, mom didn’t want me. The state did a DNA test to see if I had other family out there. Imagine the surprise when ‘Billionaire Family Man’ Bruce Wayne had a secret son.”

“It was a pretty bitter pill as a kid who just lost one parent, when I got shipped to my older brother Damian and Marinette’s place for a few years. But I get it now. After I found out the family secret,” he jabbed his chin at the bat symbol on Bruce’s chest, “you wanted to keep me out of it. Keep me safe if you could. And Damian, who was semi-retired to help care for the LitterBugs was a safe place for me to go.”

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said.

“Don’t be,” Terry replied. “I got to see a lot of you, Selina and Helena. You guys came pretty frequently, about a week or two every couple months to get to know me. And I spent time with you guys in Gotham or on Vacations. You were just trying to protect me from what you could.”

“And Helena was telling the truth, that was the year she turned seven and started spending long summers in France.”

Bruce sighed and gave his attention back to the group. “Damian has already asked but I wanted to offer again, our home is open to all of you for the duration of the kids stay. But if you would prefer we are arranging living quarters at the various League Headquarters and London has offered you rooms to stay with the kids or to find caretakers if needed.

“My maman and papa have already given me permission to stay with the kids Mr Wayne.” Marinette looked at Damian and the rest of her group. “We’d be open to accepting your offer.”

“Helena and I are technically your kids B so we’ll go where ever you think best,” Terry added and looked to the side.

He may have tried to dismiss it but being sent away as a kid did leave hurt feelings behind.

“You’ll be coming to the manor then,” Bruce said, “All of you.”

————————————

@g-arya @megawhitleycalderonpaganus @fertileleaf @mystery-5-5 @ravennightingaleandavatempus @maya-custodios-dionach @a-marlene-s @eve-valution @multifandomscribette @mochinek0 @zebrabaker @northernbluetongue @bluerosette23 @thepeacetea @vivilakitty @actualaster @sassydepression @mindfulmagics @bee-wrecker @bloody-no-kissu @yokizu @niza13149 @dragonflyswing @echpr @kris-pines04 @daminett4life @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @iglowinggemma28 @corabeth11 @chocolate1721 @drarryismylife101 @blackrosee3 @zalladane @missadorable96 @jardimazul @silvergold-swirl @loysydark @lirulua @fandom-trapped-03 @that-feeling-wyn @loveswifi @whatsupwithjinx @lntimancy @dagnysdawn @abrx2002 @darknightchan @queen-annaira @indecisive-mess-named-me @magic-miraculous @random-fandoms7

Tag list is full, but I am changing how I tag. If you want to be tagged for the next chapter, leave a comment. I’ll probably be starting my list over each chapter.

Meanwhile I hope you enjoyed this

#miraculous future au #daminette #marinette x damian #Kids from the future AU #class salt #lila salt #salty read #dead dove don’t eat #lukanette #marinette x luka #adrian x jon #chlogami #chloe x kagami #polyamory #poly relationship #marinette x damian x luka

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mamacleo · 4 years ago

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Personal from Mom: the Good Bad Day

CW/TW: Physical distress leading to medium-duty progress, change, adaptation, and growth. Also spiritual stuff. CW: Really damned long. Sorry. I know, it's a chore, but if you follow me and Callie, you know how deeply layered a lot of this stuff is. Nothing extraneous is in there, though, I promise. You know I love labels. Like my winter distress, once called the Winter Monsters, now referred to (for accuracy) as the winter terrors. People who've known me since way back when have seen me struggle with labeling myself. They would tell me not to, and I couldn't really phrase it at the time, but what I needed to say was: no, please, don't ask me to redefine myself according to your perceptions of validity. Please accept that I am like this and help me work through it. So I want a label for the kind of day I am having today. I've been getting them more and more often without my having to try. For lack of anything catchier, I am labeling it a Good Bad Day. The word order is important! It means that there is also such a thing as a Bad Good Day, but they aren't the same. This isn't a gripe day, but this girl is just reporting. I think it's one of my bad pain days, one of those where all the weed in the world won't help. Maybe not that bad, but you may have read my description of the pain at its worst: it literally feels like each and every nerve-laden cell in your body is trapped in a vise and being crushed. Chronic pain sufferers know this day. It's that day where you cannot imagine making yourself move, yet you have to get to the bathroom SOMEhow, and ain't nobody gonna fix your coffee for you. So you do. You wake up in negative spoon territory and somehow you do it, even if "it" comprises only going to the bathroom. Now, I do have an emotional alarm clock, two actually, and their names are Adorable and Rosie. As I told my beautiful bride today, Adorabe gets this look when she realizes when, like today, only one hand is busy, and look old lady, I don't CARE if you're laying on it, I KNOW you got two hands. Let's see the other. Every morning she runs in to wake me up and get attention, and even if it irritates me some mornings, she always wins me over. Rosie comes in next for her morning affection, and...that's the start of a Good Bad Day. I'll sum up because Constant Reader knows the details. There's the pain, and the pain brings weariness. Today's promised partly-sunny day in the 60s is now just the latest in a long couple of weeks of chilly cloudfests. I'm starting to get really tired of them. We're broke for a few days and we need a couple of things. (Luckily not immediate necessities, but.) Things need picked up a bit, but there's no energy for it. I wanted to grill today, but can't see it happening. . And yet, my mood is good. Not just agreeable, but positive. The progesterone, which my love calls my "chill pills," have become the last piece in a 60-year puzzle. Callie and I remembering us joking around last night, some silly humor and some bawdy humor. Me promising that if I feel up to it (I will), I will redesign some pages for her. Realizing that, you know, it's weird, but I actually LIKE bird and squirrel videos for cats. Having a couple funny observations and sharing them. Getting to pet the outside cat, Buddy, when I brought him his breakfast. Adorable is right next to me, napping. My writing skills are in great form today, and I said a couple of things that I felt were more well-written, more helpful than before. Having people reach out just to share this or that with me privately. Feeling content because yesterday, I redefined my purpose in life, and the situation in which we live, in a way that is both rewarding and helpful to my beloved bride. Because that redefinition might not have happened without the exact right intervention at the exact right moment by my pearl, my girl, myErie (Because this is important at the end, I'm gonna sum up what happened that was so bad, Erie had to call. An issue I thought was settled turned out not to be, and that was moving to Cleveland, my girl's home town that she

misses so much. There were levels of significance to it that I just plain couldn't see because of my privilege, but the Chauvin trial brought them all to the front for her. My episodes can be weird. In this case, everything was emotional, and there were some severe conflicts involving resisting some selfish motives while trying my best to look out for her. The emotional issues involved for me triggered my BPD, of course, and the bottom dropped out and I had a really, monstrously bad episode. I isolated badly and was so overwrought, Callie thought I was going to leave. Erie intervened, made perfect sense as always, and sat with us on the phone while we worked through it. Like that, everything is right again. I say again: I will walk in front of her in case of bullets.) , responded to my plea to adopt me (to get his food!) and he asked me if I wanted to be his daughter fo real. And I said yes. So really, my breath left me and I was alive with fear and hope at the same time, and I said: "Thanks, mom." She was more than okay with it. And...Mom has a mom. Mom didn't know how much she needed a mom until one day, this powerful soul, this woman namedLinda , said the exact right thing at the exact right time...and out of nowhere, the urge, the *need,* to say this knocked at the door and took my breath away. I don't exaggerate. The last time I felt this was when my Pop,Greg And yes. She really is a mom. She really is my mom. Just thinking about it takes my breath away again. I waited my entire life, wanting a mom who never existed. And then... See, she said a thing to me that struck me hard for two reasons, and it was not long after I transitioned. It was a picture of modeling a bodice dress and looking happy, and she said, "You have a powerful strength that I'm not sure you even see yourself." It struck me hard because she is not the first to have said this, and she and the first person to say it, when I was 19, are not the only ones who have said it. I capped that and kept it so I would never lose it, and in the hopes that one day I could show it to her and say, hey, I see it now. I'm living it now. It gets amazing sometimes. The other reason it struck me so hard was that, and if she wants to talk about this I would love her to, when I reads those words, I felt something. The other day I talked about the gestalt and the lack of physical distance, and how items and artifacts can be conduits for spirit. The internet is the same way. Someone's words on the screen can be a conduit for your spirits to connect, and I felt it at the time and knew it was a different one than the other spiritual connections. The thing she said, others have said to me, but the thrill that took my breath away was that I could feel her faith. The boss who said that to me when I was 19, he had an expression that was, now that I reflect on it, quite possibly the trigger, THE moment, that things turned around. Because he was the first person to express faith in me. I mean, really, upon examination, I remember people encouraging me, but he was the first one to express faith in me. Damn, I wish I could find him and rock his world. That was what Linda said, too. Across the miles, I felt her faith. Yes, mom, I am going to say it right out loud in case I'm not being clear: you made a difference in my life. I called you mom, and that was where it started. You made my hope grow. (ASIDE: Ahh, it is NOT one of those pain days after all. Hallelujah for herbal medicine.) (Edibles hate it when you talk shit about them and get you back.) So it is a Good Bad Day. Things would probably, ordinarily, make me grumpy today, but I feel content. For today, at least, things are consonant. Nothing is bothering me. I have redefined what I saw as a coming traumatic struggle into the opportunity to guide both of us into a new and more exciting life. We are surrounded by love. The day is gray, but there are sunny days coming. We want for nothing. We're having a handfasting in two months and family will be here. In September, I'll be able, finally, to legally change my name,

and we'll change hers legally at the same time. On top of all of this, I am confident now that the 40 years in the desert is over. There is a sea change happening. You can see it in the resistance against the worst of it by the majority of Americans. The awfulness reached its worst and shocked every decent American, and the people who drove it have lost their credibility outside anyone in their sewing circle. Their influence is now waning. There are good years coming, and much to look forward to. I feel happy, and that's the weirdness that set this all off. Everything is in balance. Of course there will be bad days again. I'm still mentally ill and while it's under as much control as it can be under, it's not under total control. But I'm okay with that. I know they'll happen, but they make the sweet times sweeter. My beautiful, wonderful Lilith, you will be rewarded for all the good you do. I love you. I love our life. I love being who you need. I will do more to be who you want. Mazel tov!

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daniyasocspace · 4 years ago

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FAMILY AFFAIR PART 1/?

Summary: Jaeyoung's older brother has been spiraling downwards and the leader is put in a difficult position of balancing his duties as a leader, brother and boyfriend.

Warnings: Swearing, Drugs, Alcohol, Suicidal Ideation

Characters: Jaeyoung, Hana (Mentioned - @starlightoffical)

He thought everything had been sorted but once again, his father was calling with the urgent plea for Jaeyoung to help his older brother. Daewon had been spiraling downwards for the last year and a half since he caught his fiancée cheating with his - former - best friend. Two people he had trusted with his life, who he had been friends with since high school, who both stabbed him in the back in the worst way.

Jaeyoung had left Hana's apartment in a hurry, guilt pooling inside him; she was struggling too, and leaving her during a vulnerable moment had him feeling terrible.

As he started his car and pulled into the busy street, he dialed Daewon's cellphone number, cursing as it rang and rang. "God dammit, Dae!" He smacked his steering wheel in frustration. He then tried their younger sisters number, who answered immediately. "Naeun, have you been in contact with Dae recently?"

"Yes! He's a complete mess! I want to slap those two monsters for doing this to him! I can't take seeing him like this anymore, Oppa. Mother and Father are trying their best but he's so stubborn and distant now."

Jaeyoung took a deep breath, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "I'm on my way to see him. I'll let you know how things go when I've left." Jaeyoung hangs up and pulls into the parking lot of Daewon's apartment minutes later.

"You! He is causing trouble again! He's disturbing the other tenants!" The landlord - a strict ahjumma who wasn't a fan of Daewon in the slightest, immediately confronted Jaeyoung as soon as he entered the lobby. With how disruptive his older brother could be, she still hadn't evicted him. Mostly due to the fact that their family was paying double the rent for him to continue living here, otherwise Daewon would have ended up in the streets by now.

"I am so sorry. I will go take care of him. I apologize for any troubles he's cost." Jaeyoung bows multiple times before rushing to the elevator, lunching the button for the fourth floor.

As soon as the door opens, he hears a loud crash of glass and angry voices. When he stepped out, Daewon was in the face of a slightly younger looking man, who looked terrified as he clutched a delivery bag to his chest.

"You fucking... jackass. I should... fucking cut your dick... off right here, right... now." Daewon's words were slurred, his face red and sweaty from all the alcohol he bad consumed. He could barely stand straight.

The delivery boy shrunk back, whimpering. "Please...Pease don't hurt me! I've only come to deliver food, sir." Jaeyoung rushed over, stepping between the two, apologizing profusely to the delivery man.

"Oh, little brother! You're...back again...Yah, cool...Fuck off now." Daewon reached a shaky arm out, attempting to shove Jaeyoung but instead ended up stumbling over himself. Jaeyoung caught him before he could fall, grunting as he draped the older boy over his shoulder and guided him down the hall and back into his apartment.

"Sit down and take a deep breath," Jaeyoung pointed to the sofa. Daewon snorted, falling onto the couch with a grunt. "Y-you know I'm fine, littl b-brother." He insists, words slurred.

Jaeyoung goes to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen before joining him again, sitting next to the older boy. As he hands him the bottle, he notices a bottle of pulls dumped over onto the coffee table. "What are these, hyung? What were you going to do with these?" He asked, a frantic look on his face.

Daewon slurps up some water, laughing as he looks at the pills. "I was g-going to down them all, the u-usual game, you know?" He laughs again. "Naeun called just as i-i was about to swallow 'em all! Haha!"

Jaeyoung bites the inside of his cheek, shaking his head as he scoops up the pills and shoves them into his jacket pocket. The name on the name on the bottle wasn't his brothers, which concerned Jaeyoung even more.

Daewon was 28 years old, so no longer a young boy. He wasn’t a bad person by any means but he was struggling very badly - his break up had hit him hard, considering him and his ex-fiancée had been together sophomore year of college. As a hopeless romantic, she had been the one for him and he could not picture himself with anyone else. To catch who he thought was his one true love in bed with his (now former) best friend since childhood, it was too much for him to handle. Their family was trying their best to support and help him but it was getting harder and harder, each day.

"What is wrong today, Hyung? I thought you were getting better?" Jaeyoung had started to feel exasperated by his older brothers antics. He worried so much for him - much like the rest of their family - and it weighed heavily on him, making it difficult to balance his new life as a rookie idol and boyfriend, on top of family business related things.

“That traitor got her pregnant now! Fucking twins, little brother! You know how much that hurts me? You know how bad I wanted children and she always turned it down, saying motherhood wasn’t for her and now she’s happily flaunting her fucking ultrasound pictures all over SNS! I loved her so much. I waited, thinking maybe some day she’d have a change of heart. I was always patient with her.” He looked much more alert and sounded more coherent as she spilled everything out, tears pouring from his eyes now.

“Jesus Christ, Dae.” Jaeyoung murmured, wrapping him in a hug. “I’m sorry, Hyung. You really don’t deserve any of this, but you cannot continue down this path. What about Mom and Dad? Little Mihi ? You’re her favorite brother out of the two of us. How do you think she would feel if she were to lose her favorite person in the whole world?”

Mihi was only twelve and had such a bright future ahead of her. Losing her favorite Oppa would certainly be an earth shattering moment for her. She was Daewon’s little gummy bear, as he always called her. She always looked up to him and he had practically raised her when their parents were far too busy with work.

Daewon froze, a flash of realization in his eyes as Jaeyoung’s words hit him. “How is she doing? I miss her so much, brother.”

“She’s great, from what Naeun and Haneul tell me. She’s excelling at science and math, as to be expected from the prodigy of the family.” Jaeyoung laughs softly, a fond smile on his face. He was proud of their baby sister and how smart she was for her age.

The two talked more and after forcing him to drink more water to help sober up, Daewon eventually started to nod off and Jaeyoung stayed by his side for a couple of hours, just to make sure he got enough rest and didn’t try anything silly.

(To Be Continued...)

#peachykocnet #kumokocnet #aeskocnet #kpop!oc #kpop oc coed group #idol!oc #kpop roleplay #kpop oc group #kpop #koc #oc!idolgroup #kpop oc gg #kpop oc bg #kpop fake company #kpop!au #kpop!rp #2FOLD!

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slashiest-slasher · 5 years ago

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How about a male s/o who has chronic lower back and tailbone pain? To the point where they cant walk or sit most of the time uwu I love ur writing

uwuwuwuwu thanks, i love when you guys send stuff in! i don’t know who specifically you want so i’ll go with my default slashers. i struggle with back pain a lot so i feel this, there's a reason i only sleep on my front lmao wish i had a big beefy slasher to make it all better tho

warnings for some nsfw (sorry, can’t help myself, jerking off helps when my back’s hurting so *shrugs*)

Michael Myers

□ Lets be honest here, at first Michael isn’t going to really care. Yeah, you hurt, big whoop, everyone has back pain. You don’t see him laying around whining about it. (Michael blease, you get thrown around and shoved off building enough to know how much it hurts….)

□ But as he starts to care about you more, and sees how bad it is, when you can’t get out of bed and you’re crying so hard that you’re not making any noises or tears any more because your pain pills are all the way in the bathroom. That’s when he starts becoming more considerate and, dare I say, soft.

□ He always makes sure the pills are on your nightstand, and there’s a glass of water usually waiting for you. When you refuse to take your pills, but are obviously in a lot of pain, he’ll hold them to your lips until you take them. But the damn bastard isn’t likely to do anything else.

□ Except maybe lay in bed with you to keep you company, though this tends to line up with his own back pain since this dumbass has wrecked his back doing some pretty stupid shit over the years.

□ If your pain is particularly bad, and the pills aren’t doing anything to help, he does have one solution he learned over the years. It’s best not to ask where he picked it up from. And if you’re not already in a sexual relationship you better get real comfortable, real fast.

□ He lubes up his index finger and slips it in, and massages your tailbone between it and his thumb. At first it feels odd, especially if you and Michael haven’t crossed that line yet, but pain starts to lessen so you don’t say anything.

□ Once Michael notices that you aren't crying anymore, he switches over to ruthlessly fingering your prostate, catching you off guard, but making you cum all over his mask in record time (since he didn't exactly have the foresight to move away). And damn, as awkward as that might've been, it did work, at least for now.

□ Michael is going to make you be a whole hell of a lot more conscious about everything you're doing to help with your back pain, because if he can cope, so can you. Though you do smile at the advertisement for spinal injections for back pain slipped in with the mail.

Jason Voorhees

□ You normally sleep in pretty late compared to Jason so he’s not at all surprised to see you stay in bed late while he gets up and does all the early morning chores. What /does/ worry him is when he comes back home and still finds you in bed, hiding your face, and your pillow stained with tears.

□ He immediately starts to panic, thinking he might’ve done something to hurt, and starts trying to gently roll you over to face him, but stops as soon as he hears you whimper. He’s breathing pretty heavily and if could, he would start crying, but he hovers instead until you explain to him that you’ve been dealing with back pain for a while now, but you've run out of your pain pills and it hust hurts really bad.

□ Say no more! Jason rushes off to his little collection of loot he has saved from the campers over the years. Pain pills, close enough to your prescription, included. Once you take them and they've kicked in, Jason gets you sitting up so he can start helping you stretch your back muscles, and going for a walk.

□ After all, that what his mom always did when her back hurt from being up on her feet all day. But if walking around starts bothering you too much, he'll carry you back to the shack, and will instead lay down with you and will but either a really warm, or ice cold hand on where the worst of the pain (depending on if he's dead or not, since he's nice and chilly when dead, but unnaturally warm when alive).

□ Jason will be extremely careful with you from then on, and will ensure that you're taking care of yourself, sleeping the right way, and doing anything he can to lessen the strain on your back, which includes stretching your back and holding you through the worst of the pain.

Thomas Hewitt

□ The moment Thomas sees you struggling to get out of bed and making pained noises, he immediately knows what's up. Come on, boy grew up in rural Texas, where back pain is exceedingly common. He immediately goes downstairs to get an ice pack (usually reserved for Charlie) from the freezer and pushes you down on your front and makes it clear that you're not getting up any time soon.

□ He contemplates raiding Charlie or Monty's pain pill stash, but he knows that wont fly, so he asks Luda Mae to do it instead. And once she finds out you've got bad back pain, expect to be doted on by both her and Thomas.

□ On your bad days, if you can even get out of bed, Luda Mae has you on light household chore duty, just to keep you moving. Stagnation, after all, will only make things worse. Charlie will call you a lazy bastard, but it doesn't have the same mallice as usual.

□ And of course at night Thomas will sit there and rub where the worst of the pain is with those giant hands. He will also still want to have sex with you, since Charlie sat him down to give him the dirty on how to help with back pain. And that dirty old man couldn't help but tell him fucking your brains out would do the trick.

□ But he doesn't want to hurt you further, so he is extremely gentle. He has you on your back, several pillows underneath your hips to ensure you're comfortable, and fucks you nice and slow, making sure to jerk you off in time with his thrusts. There are times when Thomas will only chase his own pleasure and worry about you later, but when you back pain is real back, he makes sure it's all about you, and pampers you.

□ He takes the utmost care of cleaning you up, and rolling you onto your front, and cradling you in his arms when the two of you go to bed for the night.

Brahms Heelshire

□ You've had your back issues since before Brahms ever came out of the walls, but you had been ensuring that you were taking your pain pills, stretching, and sleeping right to cope, so he was never the wiser.

□ And even when he revealed himself to you and came out of the walls, he never picked up on how much your back bothered you. He always thought the stretching and pills were because you were a health nut or something. And Brahms is, after all, intensely curious.

□ So when Malcom brings in a fresh pill bottle around the same time your current one is running a little low, he snatches up the new bottle and hides it in his loft. A few days later, he skipped right ahead to sitting at the kitchen table and waiting eagerly for you to come down and make breakfast.

□ But you never do, and Brahms just thinks you overslept, but he's waiting there for an hour before he realises you aren't coming down. And you're being naughty and breaking the rules, and he isn't very happy about that, so he storms upstairs to wrangle you down, but he slows his roll as he gets closer to your room.

□ He hears you crying inside.

□ And he thinks the worst, that someone broke in and hurt you.

□ So he rushes, ready to beat someone up, but all he finds is you laying on your front, crying into your pillow. For a brief, split, second he thinks it's because of him, that you hate him and this is what you do in private because you can't stand him.

□ And he's about to start crying right where he stands, until he sees the empty pill bottle on the nightstand and he puts two and two together. Oh, it was just about your medicine. You were upset about that.

□ When he makes himself known, you're still crying but asking him where your other pill bottle is, that your back hurts so much and you need your medicine to deal with it.

□ Oh Christ! That's what the medicine is for? Without saying anything, he rushes off into the walls at mach speed to grab the bottle from his loft. He apologizes over and over again for inadvertently hurting you like this. He was just curious.

□ He's running all over the house that day trying to make it up to including, including trying to make breakfast for you, which is either going to be tea with slightly too burnt toast with marmite on it, or whatever leftovers he deems appropriate to heat up and serve to you.

□ Once he's settled down, he'll crawl into bed and try to massage your back. It's definitely amature, but it feels good at least, and you make sure to let him know. Once your muscles are all nice and loosened up, he'll roll you onto your back (making sure to cushion you), and slips between your legs.

□ Before you can ask him what he's doing, his mask is already off, and he's suckling on your dick. Christ, you never knew someone could look so shy while sucking dick, but Brahms manages it. If his mouth wasn't full, you know he'd be asking if he was doing a good job, if it felt good. So please be sure to pet his hair and tell him what a good boy he's being, and how he's doing so well.

□ By the time he's gotten you off, he's already cum in his pants, so please stand by while he sneaks off, face red and heavily embarrassed to go change his clothes, before coming back to cuddle with you until you're feeling good enough to get back to tending to him and the house.

□ Honestly if this is what it takes to get Brahms to be a well-behaved and submissive, it might just make up with how much your back hurts. Well, maybe not, because it does hurt pretty bad. But at least it softens the blow.

#michael myers #jason voorhees #thomas hewitt #brahms heelshire #lemon #michael myers x reader #jason voorhees x reader #thomas hewitt x reader #brahms heel #leatherface #shape hc #jason hc #cannibal hc #brahms hc

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #312

“robert’s got a quick hand / he’ll look around the room, he won’t tell you his plan.”

Do you kiss your pets? Yes. Have you thought about whether or not you're gay? I actually have briefly questioned if I'm just purely lesbian due to how incredibly averse to simply seeing penises I am, but considering I'm still perfectly capable of being attracted to everything else, I'm obviously not. It's just this weird disgust I naturally have. Have you ever had gay thoughts for your best friend? Well I dated her, so like- Have you ever had an STD? No. Would you say you are addicted to texting or to the person you are texting? Nah, definitely not. I always enjoy texting Sara, but I'm not addicted to doing so. Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Yes; I still live with my mom, so it'd be very hypocritical not to. Would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? Nah. Sexual "talent" just doesn't matter very much to me, and besides, before or after marriage, you discover what you like together. Would it bother you if your bf/gf flirted with someone else? ???????????? yes????????????? Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Oh hell yeah. I honestly really miss doing that with Jason. We were both gamers and would do that frequently. How much does intelligence turn you on? Not like, immensely, but being very smart is definitely attractive. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? That shit's kinda creepy, imo. Then again, it could be smart for your safety, but idk, something about doing that seems invasive and just weird. I feel like you should learn things directly from their mouth. Could you date someone who had children from a previous relationship? I really don't think I could at this age, at least. I need to be more stable and a figure to look up to. I could probably be a stepmom to like, a teenager or something, but I'm not dating anyone with one of those at only 25. I would have to really, REALLY like the person to even consider dating them with a younger kid. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Yeah, go for it. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Yes, definitely. I think waiting too long can make this hard and an awkward change, though; this was the exact situation with Girt. I had a pretty big crush on him my freshman year before Jason, but we were just friends too long. He became my "brother." Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Both are fun. Do you enjoy risk? N O P E. How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Not my jam. Do you meditate? No, but I'm considering trying it thanks to group therapy. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? Um, fuck yes I do. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? Yeah, like the soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? Lol no, I can't cook. Do you litter? No. Don't even fucking dare to in front of me. Do you have a career plan? Yes. Could you live with someone who was really messy? How messy? And would they listen if I asked them to clean up? Do you have any shameful fantasies? Yes. Is art important to you? Art is absoluely vital for my happiness in life. Do you believe in fate or destiny? Nope; you carve your own path. Have you ever called your friend a slut? Ha, jokingly. It's gone both ways. Doing nothing all day makes you feel...? That's me pretty much every day, and it makes me feel awful by the end of it. Do you shower everyday? No. It's bad for your skin and hair. Is work important to you? It clearly is when you consider how stressed I've been for years trying to find a job I can handle. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No, but I probably will have some things done if/hopefully when I lose the weight I want to. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? My past has proven that not always, no. What I really care about is whether or not they show the intention of getting somewhere, like working on themselves and having plans they're making baby steps towards. If the person is without any motivation to get somewhere in life, no, I can't date them. Could you date someone who does drugs? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you enjoy watching sports? Only dance. Are you a cat or a dog person? Cat, I think, but I love both. Should evolution be taught in schools? Yes, definitely. Separation of church and state, my friend. Are you kinky? I mean I can't say I'm unwilling to try some things that would be considered so, but my sexual experiences so far have been pretty vanilla, and I'm fine with that. Would you do a striptease for your partner? That'd be so fucking awkward lmao. Would you date someone who doesn't have a car? Yeah; again, I don't. It may be problematic if they never wanted to, especially with me being so afraid of driving, but idk. Do you enjoy dancing? If I wasn't so horribly out of shape. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Lol, wow. What year are we in again? Have you ever met someone in person you met online? Only Sara so far, but I do wanna meet a few others! Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No. Do you ever read your old surveys? No. They're really just a momentary distraction for me. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Ginga Densetsu Weed was fantastic. I'm now anxiously awaiting Meerkat Manor to come on air again this year!! :') When writing stories, do you have trouble coming up with character names or do they come to you easily? I struggle with coming up with completely original names; I used to be good at it back in the day, now I feel like almost anything I come up with sounds stupid. Real words coming up for OCs that somehow fit them come easy for me, though. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Yes, because some preferred it. Have you ever shoplifted, even just once? What did you take? Nope. Have you ever witnessed someone else shoplifting? Did you say something? I don't recall. Is your hair thick, thin, or somewhere in between? it's thick as hell. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved letting the harmless ones wander over my arms as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? No. What a shocker when you think of Mark, I know, but I've kinda been drifting from enjoying let's plays, especially of random games I don't know or think will be good, so I don't force myself. Have you ever witnessed something burn down? Yes. Diagonal to my childhood house, down the road, there was a huge house fire once. Only the foundation of it is left today. Well, maybe they've rebuilt it, but they sure didn't for a long-ass time. Have you ever won a game of chess? Don't know how to play, so. Have you ever picked strawberries or apples? Strawberries, yes. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? No better than the average joe. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? Three dogs, and my rat Tezzeret. Where on your body did you/would you like to get your first tattoo? I got mine on my right wrist. What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? The Notebook surprises a lot of people. I adore that movie. Does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain? It's a curtain. What was the last pill you swallowed? I don't remember; I take a lot of meds in the morning. Where’s your dad from? Ohio. Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Whoever took the picture of my sister Misty and me hugging. What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? On the rare occasion I'm up late, I'm probably really into doing something in World of Warcraft at the time. I go through spells. Right now I'm barely playing it at all. What do you get when you go to the movies? Popcorn and a drink, always. Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? Yeah. If you were to write a story right now, what would it be about? I'm not interested in starting a new story. The continuous stories in RP are enough for me. If you were to paint something right now, what would it be? I'm unsure. I have a lot of art ideas I want to do, but idk what I'd do first, and besides, I prefer drawing over painting. Do you believe you have a calling? I don't believe in "callings." I believe in natural talents, but I don't feel there's some supernatural or purposeful tactic to it. If you could sing a song before an audience today, what one would it be? Oh god. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. If I didn't, I'd have to think more about this. Do you enjoy public speaking? Fuck no. What pet do you want to have? The pet I want most right now is a plains/western hognose, probably of the lavender morph. I adore those lil piggies. Who do you want to be in your life that is currently not? I go back-and-forth about Jason, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me for him to have any part in it. PTSD is a motherfucker. Who do you want to be out of your life that currently is in it? Nobody. What do you have to do to achieve your dream? Most likely for someone(s) with considerable influence or popularity in art to highlight photograph(s) of mine. It's why I enter competitions once in a blue moon if Mom's okay with paying the small fee; it's very, very seldom I even ask, though. I hate asking for things, especially non-necessities with our financial position. Are you ambitious? I think so. I'm determined as a motherfucker to be successful with photography, for one. Do you sell things online? Extremely rarely. Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to take pictures of my flute and guitar since I wanna try to get rid of them. I never played the guitar much, and my sentimental affection for my flute has long since faded, so I might as well make a bit of cash off them to go towards Venus' terrarium upgrade. Do you look the way you want to look? Hell no. Do you pray daily? I never do. Have you been through anything traumatic? Oh yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. What is a medical condition you used to have but don't anymore? I had this very weird spell of frequent vertigo that kinda just... vanished. Do you look your age? I suppose I do. What has made you itch the most? Shaving my legs I guess, considering I would scratch them so badly it left me with permanent scars. Is there anything you're avoiding? If so, what? Probably. Well enough that I can't even think of it right now, haha. What quality do you admire most in others? Empathy. Do you believe that things will get better? Yes. I hope. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I have. How old were you when you started swearing? I was in the 7th grade. I don't know the actual age group for that. Do you have any Indian in your blood? No. What is your favorite sunset color? Pink. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Two houses ago, yes. Does the idea of having servants bother you? Yes? Do you like crab? NOOOOOO NO NO. It's mushy and just ew. What song gives you chills? Hell, most music I listen to can. I get chills from music very, very easily, and I'd say either "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade or Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover does it the best, but I could very well be forgetting one. Ah, Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie" is another very high contender, especially knowing the story behind it with how the original singer was supposed to write it with them, but the day of scheduled recording, she died. What color is your favorite hoodie? It's mostly gray, just with a Pikachu graphic on it. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No, but I've always thought those were really pretty. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? My real name. What is your friend's cat's name? Sara has a cat named Winter. Did you ignore the last Facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? Probably rolled my eyes and scrolled by just to avoid conflict. I normally have to be HEATED to start something. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? Peace, most likely. Do you have a blog? No. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I think so, but it takes more thinking than it used to. Do you take gummy vitamins? No, but I wish I took vitamins. Would probably do me some good. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? Hm. I'm always up for arguing for LGBT rights. There's a good handful of topics I'd enjoy writing about, though. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Well, I've pirated things before, so... I kinda crossed that threshold. Other than that, no, not to my memory. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I wrote one and am forever humiliated by it. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No, I OD'd afterwards. Well wait... I was kinda on the line I guess, considering once I did it, I panicked and told Mom. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? I didn't get one. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I can't remember the last time I had either. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Have you ever found a secret compartment? I don't remember ever finding one anywhere. Do you read horror stories? Sometimes RP pretty much turns into horror stories, haha. Do you ever comfort eat? I am VERY bad at that. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? No, only skeletal basics of it. Does sunlight make you happier? Yes. This is a scientific fact. Do you feel depressed in the winter? No. What's your favorite shade of green? Like a pastel mint color. What channel is your TV usually on? Mom always has Netflix or Hulu on, I think. Do you drive with the windows down or the air on? I strongly prefer AC. How many pairs of jeans do you have? Zero. Do you sleep with a comforter or quilt? A comforter. Who is your favorite American president? I don't know nearly enough about any of 'em to make a fair judgment. Do you jump right in a pool or do you get in slowly? Whew, my jumping in the pool days are long over. Do you use one swimsuit for the summer or do you have many? I just have a single black one-piece. Do you use the bumpers when you bowl? Nah. Sorta affects the fun for me since it's less reason to focus. Do you put eyeliner on the top, bottom, or all around your eyes? All around. Will you refuse to listen to music if you find the lyrics degrading? Depends on how degrading, but usually, it doesn't play a part in deciding if I like the song itself or not. Can you do a cartwheel? I never even tried; I was always too afraid of breaking my neck. Do you have tornadoes where you live? Occasionally, but they're not a big thing here. What's your favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? Miss Tobey got me a big pack of Prismacolor pencils one year that I really cherish. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have a favorite television host? Steve Harvey is The Shit. What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? LGBTQ+ rights and the pro-choice ideology lead the bunch. The lack of morality in hunting for sport, too. What's something you regularly order online? Nothing regularly. Do you like elevators? No; quite the opposite, actually. When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Absolutely not. What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? I don't really know. I'm certain I've seen some wild suggestions, though, given just how much of a heavy user I am of YT. Do you like the smell of tar? Ugh, no. Never understood that. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I'd like a rainbow flag for my room to hang somewhere.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''pumped up kicks'' by 3teeth

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acelezz · 4 years ago

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My Experience With Internalized Homophobia

I know that I haven’t been making that many posts lately, but I would like to announce that as of like a month ago, I officially came out to everyone in my life. It was a long journey and I’m glad that’s over and that nothing has changed. My coming out story is nothing special so I’d rather talk about something that is more interesting: my battle with internalized homophobia.

I first heard the word “gay” when I was 8-years-old. It was said on George Lopez and when I asked what the word meant, my mom told me. At first, I was very repulsed. I’ll admit it: I used to be a bit homophobic growing up and I’m very ashamed of it. I’ve always believed in being kind to others so it was never to a gay person’s face. I would just make comments when it was just all straight people and this went on for awhile but it wasn’t something that I did every day; just when the topic was mentioned. For instance, in 7th grade, two of my girl classmates were outed as a couple and although I had been suspecting that bc the one girl was obviously gay, I made a disgusted face when my one friend told me about it and did the same thing when she told me that another friend of hers was bi and was with a girl once.

At first, I thought “Ok, maybe I used to be like this because I was young and didn’t know that I was gay yet and was just being introduced to gay people after not knowing about them for so long.” Nope. Completely incorrect because lets compare this to my reaction with finding out about trans people. I remember it very clearly: it was when Caitlyn Jenner had just come out. My cousin was staying with us for the weekend and her and my mom started talking about how her coming out documentary was airing that night. I remember asking what it meant to be transgender as my mom was driving us. She explained what it meant. I’ll admit, my reaction was not the best as some of my questions were ignorant but I was still young as I was still only in middle school. But my tone wasn’t nasty; I genuinely wanted to learn more about what it meant to be trans. My mom explained it the best she could as a cis woman and then that night, my parents let us watch the documentary.

Now, I do not know much about Caitlyn Jenner but what I do know is that she probably is not the best trans person to idolize as she has had some controversial moments, but I really do have to admit one thing: my initial understanding and acceptance of trans people came from what her coming out documentary taught me. Initially, I thought that people may wanna be trans if they are gay and are facing too much homophobia and wanna change their sex to avoid discrimination but boy, was middle school me painfully wrong in so many ways 😂. Caitlyn Jenner taught me that transgender people whose gender identity doesn’t match up with their biological sex. Also, that people who crossdress aren’t transgender necessarily. When she transitioned, I wonder if this meant that she liked men now but she answered that for me as well. She taught me that trans people can be any sexuality just like cis people.

Obviously, my trans knowledge has since expanded but I learned a lot that day and took it in with acceptance. Now, keep in mind that I am gay and cis. When I first learned about being gay, I was a bit disgusted even though my family told me that it was okay. When I first learned about trans people, I was accepting and understanding from day one. Clearly, I was battling internalized homophobia. Obviously, this didn’t come from my family as they were accepting. I believe it was because I knew that not everyone accepted it and that deep down inside, I was scared that no one would accept me.

Let’s trace back to when I said that when I was young, I had no idea that I’m gay. The only reason that I didn’t know was that because I was so deep in denial that I convinced myself that I wasn’t. Shortly after I found out what gay meant, coincidently, I started to have urges to kiss girls. At first, I thought that it was because I had just learned what it meant to be gay but little did I realize that I was starting puberty.

Now, this inner battle went on for YEARS. I remember that when I was twelve, I first learned what it meant to be bi because I was watching a “Whatdaya Want From Me” lyric video and as you all know, Adam Lambert is gay and someone in the comments was saying how they loved him and his music and said how they are bisexual. I thought that I had a crush on a boy before in 4th grade and one on my friend’s cousin in 7th-8th grade but those were no crushes 😂 If anything, I just really wanted to be friends with them and had never had a real crush on anyone before so I mistook platonic crushes for romantic ones. So in the back of my mind, I kept on saying to myself, “you’re bisexual.”

6th-7th grade was the most unhappy time of my life tied with October 2019-today(big thanks to my family problems and miss rona) because I was constantly argued with myself in my head and it didn't help that I had family problems at this time as well. It got so bad that in 7th grade, I just genuinely hated myself so much that I hated going to sleep at night bc I hated being alone with my own thoughts (similar to this year but this year it was just all external forces and nothing with myself at all). I was just very miserable and felt really caged from silencing my gay thoughts that I hated that I had. Then I eventually found the song “Let Me Be Myself” by 3 Doors Down and it saved me. It’s as if it was directed towards my own conscious, telling me to be myself and let all of my thoughts flow without arguing with them. Whenever I found myself hating myself, I’d just scream this song in my head and it was so relieving. It made me feel like I was standing up to my own self and it made me feel more free.

Now, there is a reason why I didn’t accept myself as gay or bi in 8th grade. I don’t get crushes much and I literally only saw my friend’s cousin once and found out that he had a gf so, I thought I was asexual for a whole year although I was happily devouring Girl Meets World fanfics that were all just RileyxMaya(I’ll never forgive Disney for not making Rilaya happen and for cancelling the show so early on). This is when I stopped being so homophobic and more accepting. I honestly thought it was bc of all of my LGBTQ+ classmates and bc of their kindness, I learned that I needed to be more of an ally. I mean, I did learn a lot just from watching those classmates, but that wasn’t it, fam. I truly thought that I enjoyed wlw fanfics because I thought that the stories were cute and that the couples were nice together. While that was true, someone who’s just an ally wouldn’t enjoy that many gay stories and read as many and devour them like I did. Not to go off topic, I did start doing that in 7th grade so that is probably another reason why I labeled myself as bi in the back of my head then, but in 8th grade, saw myself as ace bc it’s not like I had a crush on Riley or Maya. I just really shipped them and REALLY enjoyed any wlw fanfic on Wattpad. For some reason, the fact that I didn’t have any crushes that year made me think that I was ace which is totally untrue bc I’m about to hit my one year anniversary of not having a crush (but I’m going to a new school so that’s probably gonna change next month lol)

When I stopped arguing with myself in my head for good and allowed my thoughts to flow freely, I was truly happier although I was still questioning myself. I learned that questioning is so much easier when you consider those thoughts in the back of your head instead of fight them because I did question myself for much longer, but it was pleasant and a self-discovering journey.

I remember my first crush on a girl clearly. I was 15 and at first, I didn’t know that it was a crush bc it was actually my first crush and I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. I was obsessed with her and constantly thought about her and constantly wanted to be with her. I remember getting really nervous whenever I knew that I was going to see her. I remember that I used to talk about her all the time. Let’s call her K. I remember my mom saying, “L, do you like K?” And I got all nervous and denied it. The moment I realized when it was indeed a crush was when it got to be too much so my mom had a talk with me and I told her about how K made me feel and so my mom was like, “L, that’s a crush.” and I just sat there and said, “oh, crap!” and that’s how I semi-came out.

I still struggled for awhile after that. I knew I wasn’t straight and that I had a crush on a girl, but it was a hard pill to swallow that people could hate me for something that I can’t help. Although that “oh, crap!” was probably a dead giveaway, it wasn’t an official, “oh, I guess that means that I’m not straight”. I kept it to myself for awhile and didn’t hate myself for it, but still couldn’t quite process it.

I probably have an unusual self-acceptance story. I didn’t truly accept myself until months later when I got bored and decided to see if the new Nickelodeon was any good and of course, stumbled upon the Loud House. I eventually found the episode “L is For Love” and fell in love with the show. I had never seen good bisexual representation before and it really did help that it was a girl my age at the time too. I felt like I could really relate to Luna with how she was nervous to confess her feelings to Sam and how everyone treated her like she was no different made me really accept myself. It made me realize that friends and family matter the most and all of mine were accepting of LGBT (at the time and I’ll explain what I mean in a second) and that I had nothing to worry about because they’ll always love me.

It did take me a couple of months to come out to my parents after that because although I knew they’d accept me as they said they would always love me even if I was gay. Coming out is just a scary process even if you know they’ll accept you because you feel like you’re exposed because it’s something that you kept to yourself for so long. My parents telling me that did make it way easier to come out to them so props to them for doing that right. I feel like it’s so important to tell your kids from a young age that you’ll accept them if they’re LGBTQ+ because even if you were never homophobic, coming out is scary and they may worry that you are homophobic but just never brought up the topic.

It took me so much longer to come out to my friends because for one, I promised myself that I’d tell my family first and also, when I was 16 and had just finally accepted myself as bisexual(even though I’d later realize that I’m just gay, but it was a good start), I became best friends with these girls who were kind of homophobic. We’ll call them GH and GS. GS had found my rilaya fanfics on wattpad from 8th grade and we had just become friends, so I lied and said that it had nothing to do with me, I was just supportive. GS didn’t care but she stopped reading the book and thought that since I was comfortable enough to share my opinions on the subject, that she’d share hers. Not the most homophobic comments, but she made it clear that she didn't like it too much but that she didn’t hate gay people and that she recognized that others don’t share her opinions. GH was more harsh about her opinions which scared me the most. I feel like I should mention that I have two other Christian friends. I wasn’t as worried about them since we never really talked about LGBTQ topics but they do go to the same church as GH and GS, which made me a bit worried. Imagine finally being ready to come out of the closet all of the way just to be scared into staying in there for a few more years.

This made me feel conflicted bc these girls didn’t constantly preach their beliefs and never bashed on LGBTQ people, but I was afraid that if I came out to them, they wouldn’t accept me. I should mention that they’re very religious Christians and I noticed that homophobic Christians come from a place of love bc they are so brainwashed that they think that shoving their beliefs down people’s throats helps them bc they believe that what they believe is the only right way to live and there's nothing wrong with being religious, but they are very mislead about LGBTQ+ people. I literally saw this when I was 14 and I stood up to my Baptist cyber friend who cyberbullied a lesbian and he admitted that he thought that he was helping her and that he didn’t think that it was bullying. Bullying is never ok and so I blocked him and only learned that from an apology letter that somehow made its way to me through another cyber friend.

I am going to say something that some of you may not agree with. I honestly don’t care if people don’t like that I’m gay as long as they don’t vocalize it. Like I don’t like spiders but I recognize that my dislike is irrational as they play a huge part in our ecosystem and are important to this world, just as every single person is. I wish that people who are against LGBTQ bc of their religion just would recognize that it’s irrational as everyone has different beliefs and would just keep that to themselves. If they just kept that to themselves, I would have came out so much sooner and I bet a lot of people can relate to that. I’ll never understand the dislike as I’m catholic and was taught that it’s okay but respect and kindness is better than outward hatred and is a step towards more acceptance in this world.

Anyways, after awhile of being in the closet with my friends, I decided I would tell them once we graduated and not in the middle of the school year since if anyone was mean, I could literally just block them and never have to see them again instead of having to switch friend groups and still having to see their faces every day in class and in the hallways. Also, I did go through a period of questioning myself and did not want to tell them until I had a clear label. When I was 17, I got another massive crush on another girl and I realized that I never really did have crushes on boys as those “crushes” do not even begin to compare to the ones that I had on girls. I then finally realized that I'm just lesbian and with school being shut down, I came out sooner than I intended which is good.

I wish that I would have came out to my friends sooner. Everyone was so accepting, including my christian friends and the two girls that I had massive crushes on. It was a relief that they all accepted me because I feared that they wouldn’t. I really discussed my fears with my religious friends but with my crushes, I knew that they were both accepting of LGBTQ+ as they both had gay friends and only said nice things about gay people, but I was afraid that they would figure it out that I used to like them with how clingy I was with the both of them, especially the second one(let’s call her LM), and would become uncomfortable around me. I have no idea if either of them figured it out but K showed her support when I came out on insta and left a nice comment and LM liked the post and didn’t make any comments about it but since has shown an a bit of an interest of becoming closer friends with me again since we stopped talking as much since we didn’t have any classes together this year.

I never told either about my feelings but if they figured it out, they must have realized that I was only such a clingy friend bc I was crushing on them and didn’t know how to show it properly bc I was closeted so it came out as that. Also, they probably have both realized that I am over them now as I am not clingy with them at all, making them realized that I have changed and have realized that I learned that I shouldn’t be so clingy as it can be really annoying as I’ve been on the receiving end of that before. Also, I have to say I don’t think that either of them ever liked me. I was just so deep into my fantasies that I created false realities. I mean, I think they both like boys. I’m not saying that they can’t be bisexual, but I feel like they have accepting friends so at least I would have found out by now especially after coming about bc I’ve had 2 ppl come out to me as bi after I came out. What I’m saying is that I’m happy bc I would rather crush on accepting girls who don’t like me back than homophobic girls. Now that I don’t like them anymore, I realized that K and I are good as just acquaintances and that I want to become better friends with LM bc when I talk to her now, I feel as if I’m talking to my best friend M and I’ve always seen M as a sister.

About my christian friends, I was happy that we got to stay as friends. I was so scared that I would lose them bc they are wonderful people. I came out to them separately and they were all very accepting. It kind of made me realize something about them. Perhaps they too are struggling bc they are being brainwashed into thinking that it’s a sin to be gay but they don’t seem to believe it exactly. I feel like I always see the best of people when I’m alone with them bc ppl feel comfortable to be their true selves around me and I noticed that my christian friends talk differently when we are talking one-on-one. It’s almost as if they change themselves and what they talk about to look like “good christians” as if they seek their own church’s approval in front of one another and it’s sad.

Sorry that this turned out to be so long. I just have really changed over the past decade or so and I’m really proud of how I became a better person and what I learned about myself and the lessons that I learned along the way. I learned to be myself no matter what and I hope that everyone learns that at some point, especially my christian friends that I mentioned bc you should never put on an act to be accepted. You’ll be much happier when you realize that your true friends and family are the ones who love you for you because you’re amazing just the way you are.

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star-spangled-eyes · 5 years ago

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Dirty Mind: Part 1: Simple Man

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Some dialogue and events in Book 1 of TRR are property of Pixelberry Studios. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: Drake’s perspective

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this miniseries: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, angst, sex (including character’s thoughts and innuendos)

Masterlist

A/N: I wrote this miniseries in the first person perspective of Drake Walker. It follows events in Book 1 of TRR, but not everything is as you’d remember it from the story. Some things have been altered to better fit this fanfic.

I really enjoyed getting into the brain of Drake, and I hope you like it too. He’s a stud, and I love his sexual, angsty mind.

There are THREE parts to this miniseries. They will be released tomorrow and the following day. Enjoy!

Word Count for this chapter: 8707

Permatags: @burnsoslow @cora-nova @dcbbw @thorfosterlove @emceesynonymroll @edgiestwinter @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @msjr0119 @notoriouscs @drakewalker04 @pedudley @desiree-0816 @choices-lurker @kingliam2019 @loveellamae @drakexnadira @flutistbyday2020 @indiana-jr @yukinagato2012 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker

My name is Drake Walker and I have a dirty mind. I know what you’re thinking. Of course I have a dirty mind, I’m a guy, right? Well, I have to concede that one for that very fact, but it’s more than that. To me, a mind consists of three major influences that can make it dirty.

First, are the things you wish you could say to people, but it wouldn’t be proper including the wide variety of curse words known to the world. Next, are all the crappy experiences in your life that muddy up your outlook. I can admit, I’m snarky, angry a lot and a real pill sometimes, but it all comes with the territory. And last but certainly not least is sex.

What an incredible experience. So incredible that it’s constantly on my mind. Countless dirty questions fill my brain like when is the next time I’m going to fuck someone, where will it be, what position will she be in? Oh, the thoughts are endless. Throw in a particular woman? You’re fucked — mentally. That’s me right now, in case you were wondering. More on that in a bit.

The female body is the most beautiful work of art that God ever created — of course there are exceptions. Like when a woman has a smoking hot body but her personality is so hideous that her sex appeal is lost. At least to me it is. There’s plenty of those around, but thankfully, there are some that surprise you. The ones that have it all — endless talent, sense of humor, dazzling personality, and such stunning looks that you have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming.

My brain has been working overtime ever since she walked into my life. Well, butted into my life is more like it. And it’s been hell. Everything was just fine before she came along. Not great, but fine.

I live in the royal palace in a small Mediterranean country called Cordonia. I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not one of those stuck up noble pricks. My best friend might be the Crown Prince, but he’s not one of those pricks either. If he ever tried to be, I’d damn sure call him out on it. I wasn’t born into this life with a fancy title or hundreds of acres of land in my name.

I was born to wonderful parents, who despite their status as commoners in the kingdom, made me feel like I was the richest kid in the world. Not by money, of course, but with life experiences and lessons only those who work hard for a living can impart to their children.

My dad was a part of the King’s Guard in charge of protecting the two princes before he eventually moved up to Head Guard watching over the King and Queen. He’s Cordonian, born and bred.

My mom stayed at home with me and Savannah, my younger sister. She was born in a small town in Texas in the United States, but stayed in Cordonia after meeting my father during a European college trip she took with her friends.

They fell in love almost immediately and were each other’s best friends. I’ve always looked up to them. Always thought how great it’d be if I could find that too. I often dreamed of meeting a beautiful woman who I not only was in love with, but we were as close as two people could be. Friends, lovers, partners. What a fulfilled life I’d live.

Of course, that meant I’d have to actually find a woman who was willing to put up with my sarcasm, moodiness, and the permanent scowl on my face. And to be honest, it wasn’t looking that great.

Back to the dirty mind thing — don’t worry, I didn’t forget. As I was saying, a dirty mind can develop over time as a result of many things. And I’ve been through a lot in the 27 years I’ve lived on this earth. Okay, fine. It’s not as dramatic and horrible as some people have endured, but I’ve had my fair share of shit thrown at me.

My dirty mind, in particular, consists of many dirty words. You’re listening, so you might as well get used to it now. I cuss... a lot. You would too if you had to hang around the palace every day dealing with snobby, rich assholes who think their shit don’t stink, and that it’s perfectly okay to treat people beneath them like undignified trash. These people have no idea what life truly has to offer. All they care about is their political status in the kingdom, and how they can make more money doing as little for it as they can.

As you can imagine, I have to keep a lot of my thoughts to myself. Unfortunately, you’re going to have hear them all. Consider yourself warned.

My dirty mind also consists of all the shitty things that’s happened in my life that’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

Remember my dad? Head of the King’s Guard? Yeah, well, he was killed while attempting to save the king during an assassination attempt. That sure was nice growing up without a fucking father. I was 13. A brand new teenager with raging hormones and in desperate need of a strong, male role model to keep me on the straight and narrow. It fucking sucked. My dad was everything to me. He was a friend, a teacher, and the best father in the whole world.

When he died, I had to step up to be the man of the house. Sure, my mother was strong — she’d always been strong. But she was having a hard time coping with dad’s death. Savannah was only nine at the time, and was made fragile by the sudden and horrific change in her life.

I didn’t want my mom and sister to worry or feel unsafe with my dad being gone, so I immediately filled that role. And it was fucking hard at first. There was no time for me to cry or grieve because I had to be strong for my family. I had to show them it was all going to be alright even though I had no fucking clue if that was actually true.

My dad’s partner in the guard was Bastien Lykel. He was a great guy. About half my dad’s age, but just as competent. He learned a lot from my dad, but also brought natural talent of his own to the table. Anyway, after we lost dad, Bastien sort of stepped in for us. Not that he ever tried anything with my mom or pretended to be our father — he knew better than that.

On his off duty time, Bastien would spend most of it with my family. He’d tell us stories about working with our dad and help mom with any chores around the house. As time went on, Bastien kept up with what he could, but got increasingly busy with work as he moved up the chain in the King’s Guard.

Mom never really got over dad’s passing. I don’t blame her. I didn’t either. I still miss him every day. But she handled it differently. Money was a real struggle after he passed. It was something she constantly worried about.

Liam, my best friend and prince of Cordonia, talked his father into letting us move into the palace. The king was more than happy to oblige. He was grateful for my dad’s sacrifice so that he may live, and must have noticed how we were struggling. It was kind, and not what I expected as a commoner.

I was 16 by the time we had settled into our new digs at the palace. Savannah was over the moon about it. She always loved hanging around the noble girls her age. She was into all that crap. Fancy dresses, gaudy jewelry, fake smiles. Not that she assimilated to them. Thank God for that. Despite adoring that pretentious life, Savannah remained down-to-earth and never forgot her roots.

It wasn’t long after that when Mom left to move back to the United States. Yeah... wasn’t that swell? Not even a full-fledged adult yet and both parents were absent. Dad died protecting the king, but mom straight up left us. Don’t get me wrong. I love her and will always love her. I know she had to do what she needed in order to deal with losing dad. So did I. But it was hell on Savannah and me.

Mom must have noticed we were strong and independent enough to live on our own. We had stable living quarters at the palace, and were well taken care of in regards to basic needs: food, warmth, shelter. So... she split. Went back to her family ranch in Texas. We talk on occasion, but there’s definitely more than an ocean that comes between us. Hopefully, someday, we can repair that disconnect.

Okay, now that you know a little bit more about me, let me tell you about this girl. Her name is Bragnae Bennett. I first met her in New York when Maxwell, Tariq, and I took Liam to the States for a guy’s only trip — a bachelor party of sorts. Liam would soon have to choose a woman to marry that would eventually rule at his side as Queen of Cordonia. This trip was meant to forget about all of that and have fun – just us guys. At least that was my plan.

On the last night of the trip, we stopped in a crumby bar for a late dinner and drinks. And there she was wearing a white collared shirt, black pants and a maroon apron ready to take our order. Listen, the first time she strolled up to our table, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Luckily, she was looking at the other two as she introduced herself, which gave me a chance to wipe the figurative drool from my mouth.

Long, silky black hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head, naturally tanned skin, sparkling amber eyes, and delicious curves that would elicit an arousing response in any man. And it did. Maxwell and Tariq were just as captivated as I was, not to mention Liam, who stepped into the bar a minute later. Now it was her turn to be captivated. Of course she was. They all were.

Liam stood six feet and two inches tall – two inches shorter than me, I might add – and he was nothing short of a blonde Adonis. The ladies already swooned for him because he was the prince, but take that title away, and he’d still have no problem adding notches to his bedpost. With his ocean blue eyes and well-proportioned body, Liam was every woman’s wet dream.

So, you can see why Bragnae would immediately turn her attention to him as he made his way to our table that night. We enjoyed our burgers, drank a ton of whiskey, and all stole glances at the goddess that was our waitress. Then, Liam boldly asked her to join us after her shift was over. A part of me was more than happy to have more time to look at her, but a bigger part was annoyed.

Obviously, she was taken with Liam, so there went my chance with her. I never stood a snowball’s chance in hell with women when Liam was around. Yes, I can admit that the good Lord blessed me with attractive features. Brown hair that looked good at any length with eyes to match, a strong jaw line, and the ability to chisel well-defined muscles on my body certainly helped me get laid. It damn sure wasn’t my personality. But with Liam there? It was no contest.

You’d think it’d be easy for me to hate the guy, but I can’t. He’s my best friend. My brother. We’ve been friends ever since we were kids, and we’ve always had each other’s backs. I’d do anything for him, and I have. Dropped out of college, a life I was keen on living away from Cordonia, and came back to keep Liam company after an attempt on his life. I wouldn’t give up my own happiness for just anyone. There’s few people I care about in this world, and Liam is one of them. The rest can all fuck off.

So, as you can see, I put up with all the bullshit for him. He needs me. He needs someone to give it to him straight, to keep him humble, and to keep him safe from all the selfish vultures that lurk around the palace wanting more for themselves than for their Crown Prince.

So, when Liam showed interest in Bragnae, I had no choice but to back off. It was stupid as hell for him to get her hopes up for the one night. Then again, maybe that’s all she wanted. A hook up. From what I understand, none of that occurred. At least a kiss and maybe some light fondling if I knew my friend. But whatever transpired between them that night after they snuck out of the club together was enough to prompt Bragnae to make a life changing decision to temporarily move to Cordonia for the chance to compete in the Social Season to win Liam’s hand.

Ugh. The Social Season. Don’t even get me started on that. As if Liam didn’t already have a parade of ladies vying for his attention, the kingdom made it a season for the prince to choose his future bride.

And Bragnae accepted Maxwell’s invitation to take part in it. I have to admit. I lost some respect for her when I saw her climb aboard our private jet back to Cordonia. I thought she was just another crown chaser, but believe me, I didn’t think that for long. She proved me wrong almost immediately.

I won’t bore you with everything that’s happened since she arrived in Cordonia, for your sake – unless you want me to tell you how many pathetic times I stroked my dick thinking of Bragnae, wishing I was inside her instead. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the highlights though.

Obviously, I wouldn’t be telling you any of this if the damned woman didn’t mean something to me. With her being a suitor for the prince, I knew she was off limits. Maybe that made me want her more. I don’t know. But she was more than just a pretty face and a sexy body. God, the dresses she wears. I get hard just thinking about it. The way she elegantly walks into a room, swaying her hips in an unknowingly sexy way grabs my attention every time. I’m not the only one.

Being the exotic foreigner, Bragnae had captured the attention of many men and even some women with her alluring ways. She truly was the complete package. She knew how to have a good time, spoke her mind, and was gracious, even to those who didn’t reciprocate. And oh boy, did she give me the business. Still does. It’s like I’m her number one target that she attempts to crack. She always wants me to have a good time. What did I do to invite that kind of attention from her?

I’m quite set in my ways, but damn if she hasn’t already broken down some of my walls. I hate her for it. Okay, more like, I hate that she was able to do it. She makes me smile, damn it, and I’ve worked on this scowl for years. How could she do this in such a short amount of time? I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s some sort of temptress. She has to be. Someone with mystical powers of enchanting men, and bending them to her will.

Yeah, I’ve got it bad, but there were specific occasions that led me to believe she might also be into me as well. I know, I know. As I’ve already established, no woman passes up Liam especially for someone like me. So, I’m sure I’m fantasizing about this.

Aside from a few looks and smiles she had cast in my direction at the Masquerade Ball and derby, there were some instances that felt deeper. Like when we went to Lythikos, and that witch Olivia mocked me and my sister for no reason whatsoever except to be cruel. Bragnae stood up to her for my sake, which I wasn’t expecting. I hauled ass out of there wanting some fresh air and a chance to see a meteor shower. Low and behold, Bragnae followed me out.

We ended up having a heartfelt talk that came out of nowhere. I think this was the first time I really started to like her. I was attracted to her from the beginning, but it was when we were lying in a snowbank looking up at the shooting stars above us when I felt a twinge in my heart. I badly wanted to reach out to her, but knew that wasn’t appropriate. As the snow started the fall and we walked back to Olivia’s estate, Bragnae surprised me by slipping her hand into mine.

I instantly felt electricity from her touch. I was almost too stunned to speak. She told me it was for safety, but I could see the truth in her eyes. We had connected in that moment, and holding her hand felt right. There was no way I was letting go. So, we held hands until we reached the manor. Everything changed for me after that night.

Perhaps it was just me and my wishful thinking, but ever since we left Lythikos, I felt that Bragnae was intentionally getting closer to me – physically. It seemed she would find ways to touch my arm during a conversation or sit by me when the opportunity presented itself.

After the Royal Regatta, we went to the beach for a little fun in the sun. She insisted on rubbing sunscreen over my back. I protested only for appearances. Thank God only the ocean could see my face because I was having a hard time keeping my sanity as she rubbed her soft hands up and down my shoulders and back. It sent a shiver down my spine.

Then, she let me return the favor. God, it was amazing. I had a legitimate excuse to touch her… in public… and she was wearing a swimsuit. Up until that day, I hadn’t see more than flirty cleavage when she wore her dresses. She was so close to being naked that day that my heart nearly stopped. As I worked my hands over her back, my eyes traveled down to her glorious ass. Her cheeks slipped out a bit. As soon as I felt my dick twitch, I knew it was time to bail.

We jumped in the ocean soon after that. Seeing Bragnae dripping wet from head to toe quickly moved to the number one slot in my spank bank. The release I had later that day after remembering our shared touches, and seeing her so deliciously drenched by the ocean was amazing.

And just a few days ago, after we arrived in Applewood, it was my birthday. Liam told Bragnae even though I asked him to not make a big deal about it, damn him. So, Bragnae took it upon herself to organize a night out at a country-western bar in town in honor of my birthday.

If it was anyone else’s suggestion, I would have heartily declined, but I was curious what she had planned, and definitely wanted to see her in a bar setting with a cold drink in her hand. When we arrived, she took me up to the bar and got me a free drink. She chose whiskey – my favorite. She didn’t make me suffer with some embarrassing girly drink. No, she ordered my most favorite libation on the planet.

I let it slip that I thought she was hot, and of course she called me out on it. There was nothing this woman missed. Later on, we found ourselves on the dance floor, and of all people, she shimmied over to me. Even though I told her I was a rotten dancer, she delicately placed her hands on my hips and told me it was as easy as swaying to the beat. She smiled up at me with a glimmer in her eye.

I could chalk it up to it being my birthday, and that’s why I received so much of her attention that night, but the vibes I was receiving from her was more than a friendly gesture. And as if that night wasn’t already better than I anticipated, I willingly shared a sappy story about my childhood birthdays with her, which prompted an unexpected embrace from Bragnae. She pulled me in tightly, her breasts smashed against my chest and her arms clutching my back as she stood on her toes to hug me.

I was stunned for a split second before my brain told me to wrap my arms around her soft, warm body too. She smelled like a fucking angel – citrusy and sweet. It’s my new favorite scent.

You’re all caught up now. Maybe you see what I do, and maybe you don’t. Either way, I’ve got Bragnae on my mind constantly, and it’s becoming a problem. I even began calling her by her last name in an attempt to seem nonchalant and casual on the outside, when I’m really about to hulk out of my own skin because I want her so badly. Hopefully, she couldn’t tell.

I’ve been trying to hide it for the past month now, and it’s becoming more difficult by the day. I don’t want to tell her how I feel, even though I really do want her to know, it’s not right. She’s here for Liam, and that’s that.

It was the morning after the Apple Blossom Festival. Thank Christ that bullshit is over. Bragnae looked cute in her authentic peasant costume, but that was the extent of the excitement for that day. Now, it was time to blow off a little steam.

Liam was actually available this morning for a little work out before he had to attend a few meetings later on in the afternoon. It was nice to have this time with him. Liam had been my work out buddy since we were old enough to start using the gym equipment, which is why both of us are exceptionally toned and buff. I spend a little more of my time in the gym than he does – sometimes three times a day when I’m really bored.

“So, is your dad putting pressure on you to pick a particular suitor?” I couldn’t help but wish they were pushing him away from Bragnae.

“Yes, of course, he is. He and Regina both keep talking up Madeleine.” Liam continued his set of bicep curls.

“And what do you think about her?” I knew what he thought because I thought it too. Again, just hoping for his attention to be swayed to anyone but Bragnae. I focused on pumping up my own biceps as I waited for his response.

Liam gave me a knowing look through the mirror. “She wasn’t good enough for my brother, and she’s definitely not good enough for me. I hate that they’re pushing her onto me like this. I feel bad for her in a way,” he said as he returned the weights to the rack. “She was so close to becoming queen before Leo abdicated the thrown, and now she’s back to try again. It’s pathetic.”

I loved when he was candid with me. He knew he can trust that I wouldn’t repeat his words. That’s what best friends are for. Support and total discretion. “She’s passionate at least,” I laughed thinking about her desperate need for the political spotlight.

Liam wiped his face with a towel. “Passionate for the crown, maybe. But me? It’s all a fucking show. If she’s chosen, I doubt we’ll even fuck. She hasn’t once tried to kiss me when we’ve had moments alone. All the others have. I don’t even think she likes men.”

All the others have. I shuddered at the thought of him being with Bragnae. I hoped to God they hadn’t had sex yet. I haven’t quite figured out what type of woman she was in that regard. What I do know is that she’s smart and adventurous. She dresses provocatively, but with a certain elegance. Who knows if she’s promiscuous or not?

I’m torn on the topic. I love a bold woman who knows what she wants and takes it. It’s nice when a girl comes with experience, but she’s also not just giving it away to anyone who asks for it. If that’s how Bragnae was, I would be happy to know that. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to ask Liam if they’ve gone that far. We’ve talked about sex plenty of times, but this was different. It might be too hard to listen to Liam tell me about how she was in bed. It’s something I’d rather find out for myself.

“Yeah, Madeleine stands out to the masses, but definitely not your style.”

Liam took a swig of water. “I’ll tell you, though, I really like Bragnae.”

Fuck. “Oh, yeah?”

“Drake, she’s amazing. She’s not only beautiful, but she’s insightful too. I feel like I can tell her anything. The people seem to like her, the press too. I’m really hoping my father and Regina give her a chance.”

Damn it. He really likes her. Am I fucking surprised? No. She is amazing. No doubt about that.

“What do you think of her?” Liam asked.

How do I answer this without making it sound like I really like her too? “I think she’s great. She doesn’t seem to have her head in the clouds like most of these women, and she’s genuine. You know that’s always something I can appreciate.” Okay, that was good. Very Drake of me to say. I think that was good enough and wouldn’t blow my cover.

“I’m glad you agree.” He said, taking a seat on one of the benches. He looked down at the floor with a smile on his face. “That body. She’s so fucking hot. I wish I could spend more time alone with her. I hate the fucking tight schedule they keep me on.”

I blew out a slow breath of relief. Sounded like he hasn’t gone all the way with her. Normally, at this point, he’d be boasting about his opportunity to be with her, but instead he was pining over it. But how long would it last?

“Yeah, I can imagine how rough it is.” They pull him in every direction they can. I wish he’d just tell them to shove it up their ass once in a while. “You’re the prince, man. Do what you want.” Why the fuck am I encouraging this? I hate myself.

Loud music was suddenly audible through the walls alerting us both. As we left the gym, Liam and I walked down the hall to a room where the door was cracked open a bit. Liam pulled it open the rest of the way, and halted in his tracks.

I noticed a stunned look on his face before I saw what was happening inside the room. I stepped up to the doorway, next to Liam, and saw Maxwell leading a choreographed dance flanked by Hana and Bragnae. My mouth fell open in shock as my eyes poured over Bragnae’s body.

She wore a hot pink sports bra top and black spandex leggings that were glued to her skin. Kevin Rudolf’s Let it Rock blared over the speakers as they danced in sync with each other. The beat was fast paced and lively. I actually liked the song – even more so now that I watched Bragnae dance to it.

She moved with ease, spinning, dipping, twirling in rhythm with the song, and it was mesmerizing. The way her hands explored her own body so seductively made my dick jump. Oh, fuck. She just bent over. Now, she and Hana were slowing it down, mirroring each other as they slowly dropped to their knees on the floor. Pumping their bodies on the ground and thrashing their long hair from side to side. Within seconds, the ladies slowly rose again.

I glanced at Liam briefly to see his reaction. He was enthralled, just like me. I was rarely jealous of Liam, but this was definitely one of those times. Not because he was the prince, and not because Bragnae was one of his suitors, but because he could watch her now – unguarded. He could look at her without suspicion as to why he’s fucking her with his eyes.

If anyone saw the way I was watching her with insane hunger and need, they’d think I was a creep or an asshole for gawking at one of the prince’s suitors. How I wished I could look at her openly the way I wanted to. So much of my life nowadays was kept in secret because so much of my life was consumed by Bragnae.

I had no idea she could dance like this. It was like watching a strip tease, without the stripping of course. God, I wish she was taking off her clothes, too. Damn it. She was confident in her body as she thrusted her pelvis to the beat three times. And there went my dick again. I had to readjust because the pesky thing wouldn’t stay down. I was wearing athletic shorts. Thank God they’re black. My hard-on won’t be as prominent.

The song came to a close as the girls ended in a pose with their backs arched and an arm stretched above their heads. Maxwell did his own pose, not that I gave a shit about how he looked. My eyes were trained on Bragnae. My heart raced and I was breathing quickly all of a sudden. I hadn’t realized it until now. I wanted an encore… bad.

Liam started clapping, which got their attention. Fuck. I wasn’t ready to be exposed as an onlooker yet. My dick was still hard.

“That was phenomenal,” Liam said as he made his way over to them. The room they were dancing in was quite large. It was a multipurpose room used for collective work out routines such as their dance and whatever else the royal family wanted to use it for.

I watched Bragnae as she spun around to face Liam with a surprised expression. Apparently, despite the few times she turned around in our direction, she hadn’t noticed she had an audience. Then, her eyes focused on me. A brief smile crossed over her lips before she looked away. She was embarrassed? Why? That was unbelievably hot. If I could hit replay somewhere, I would.

My dick finally gave me a break, so I walked into the room to where they were standing.

“Are you three practicing for a show that I’m unaware of?” Liam asked with a sparkling smile.

Maxwell laughed. “Nah. The girls just wanted to work out in a fun way, so we put together a flirty routine. You know me. I’m always up for dancing.”

“Yes, and it was incredibly exhilarating!” Hana said with enthusiasm, albeit a bit breathless. “I’ve never danced like that in my life. My mother would have a heart attack if she saw that.”

Yeah, I bet she would. That dance was pure sex.

“And you, Lady Bragnae? Do you dance like that often?” Liam asked politely, but I knew he wanted to see if there’d be a repeat performance in the future.

We were both thinking with our dicks in that moment. And I couldn’t blame him. I was still in awe of what I just witnessed, so I was perfectly fine letting Liam speak to satisfy both of our curiosities. I did my best reconnaissance when I observed with my eyes rather than inquired with my mouth anyway – usually because my words would get me into trouble.

Bragnae nodded as she finished taking a long drink from a water bottle. Her chest glistened from the work out, and her quick and heavy breaths pushed her breasts out every time she inhaled. Goddamn. I raised my gaze to her eyes again in an effort to keep my dick out of the matter. No need to awaken him again. Not until I could at least be alone.

“I dance recreationally like this from time to time, but I’m not a part of a crew or anything. Just for fun.” Bragnae offered up a dazzling smile as she regained control of her breath again.

“I asked the other ladies if they wanted in on this, but Kiara declined saying she was too good for it. Penelope always mimics Kiara’s responses, so she was out. Madeleine acted like she didn’t even hear me when I asked, and Olivia said, and I quote ‘dream on, home boy’.” Maxwell shook his head and chuckled.

Liam extended his arm to the three of them. “Well, why don’t we all walk next door and grab a protein shake. Drake and I just finished working out as well.”

Hana’s face lit up with excitement at the suggestion, and Maxwell put some equipment away before he started for the door. I waited until Bragnae agreed before I turned to leave the room. I was sure Liam was waiting to walk next to Bragnae as they left the makeshift dance studio, so I wasn’t even going to try.

It was convenient for me that Liam also enjoyed working out, and considered it as much of a hobby as I did. That meant that as we got older, the gym equipment got better and there was a small protein stand built into the estate. Here at Applewood and back at the palace.

I made it to the counter first. With chocolate and vanilla protein powders as options, they also offered a few other flavors as add-ins. I would shake it up from time to time, but my favorite was chocolate-cherry. I placed my order with Jean, the middle-aged woman that worked the counter, and stepped back for the others.

Maxwell ordered a chocolate-banana, Hana got chocolate-strawberry. Like I guessed, Liam and Bragnae strolled up a minute later in a slow paced walk. He offered for her to order ahead of him, but she declined so she could look at the options. Liam asked for vanilla-strawberry, his favorite.

Bragnae stepped up to the counter. “May I have a chocolate-cherry, please?” Jean nodded, and turned away to fix the drinks.

I looked down to conceal my smile. She ordered the same thing as me. I knew she had good taste.

“Drake? Here you go, honey.” Jean placed my shake on the counter.

I walked up to retrieve it. Bragnae was still standing there when she looked over at my drink. I removed the wrapper to the straw Jean had set next to the cup, and pierced the plastic lid.

Bragnae’s eyes met mine as I smirked. “You ordered the same thing as me, by the way.”

She beamed. “I did? Well, we have good taste.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Before I could think of what to say next, Jean had placed the other orders on the counter. I got out of their way and walked to a nearby table. The others joined me along with their shakes.

“You know, ladies, you’re welcome to work out in the gym, too, if you want. Here and back at the palace. I’d be happy to show you a thing or two if you need assistance.” Liam, the ever-willing prince. I chuckled at his invitation. This was guy code for, I’d love to see more of you in your tight clothes while working up a sweat. And then maybe we could take a shower together afterwards.

I knew my best friend, and I knew myself. We were both thinking the same thing. However, I doubt that comment was intended for Hana even though she was also beautiful and beyond talented in almost every capacity.

“That’s nice of you to offer, Your Highness,” Hana said before taking a drink.

“We got quite the work out in today. Full-body. Do you guys do that every time you’re in the gym?” Bragnae asked. She looked to Liam and then to me.

Liam had just taken a swig of his shake, so I answered. “Nah. We break it up. Today was just arms and abs.”

I kept my gaze on Bragnae as her eyes shifted down the length of my arm. She had her elbows on the table holding her shake up just below her chin. Her fingers absentmindedly moved the straw in and out of the lid as her eyes locked on my bicep.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I knew she was impressed, so I clenched my fist and flexed my bicep for a split second to gauge her reaction. I smiled inside as I saw her lightly gasp before taking a drink and looking away.

“Ooh, Bragnae, we better get going if we want to shower before the next event,” Hana said looking at her watch.

Oh, nice. A shower. Are they going to shower together? That’s what Hana made it sound like, or maybe that’s what my dirty mind wanted me to hear. Either way, picturing Bragnae naked in a hot and steamy shower was definitely an image I wanted to fill my mind with. If Hana happened to be showering near her, that’d be okay too. But I’d prefer to be in there with Bragnae instead.

“And what is the next event for you ladies?” Liam asked.

Bragnae and Hana stood from the table, prompting the rest of us gentlemen to do the same. “We are having tea with the queen. All the ladies are expected to be there and on time.” Bragnae emphasized the last part with a different inflection in her voice and widened eyes.

Liam laughed. “Yes. It’s best not to keep her waiting.”

“Oh, I know. If I’m late for another event, Bertrand will give me a very stern talking to for ‘besmirching House Beaumont’.” Bragnae spoke emphatically, and teased Maxwell by pinching his cheek.

“You and me both,” Maxwell told her. “Now, get going, so Bertrand stays off both of our asses.”

Bragnae laughed and waved before turning to walk away. My eyes traveled down to her magnificently presented ass. There should be a standing rule that Bragnae always be in tight, spandex leggings when she wasn’t wearing a dress. Jesus Christ, she could stop traffic. And I’m getting hard again. Time to go.

“Alright, I’m going to get cleaned up as well. I’ll see you fellas later.”

The next day was the traditional fox hunt for the royal party. Our ancestors used to hunt fox for sport, but today, the event only retains its name. Good thing too because I bet over half of these so-called nobles had never even held a gun, let alone knew how to use it.

This was actually an event I was happy to be a part of. We had to ride horses across a three mile trail through the woods and a bit of the mountains. This was my forte. Growing up with a mother who lived on a ranch in her youth, I was practically raised on a horse. I got up early and headed to the stables to pick out my horse for the day before the fussing nobles ruined the experience.

Since Lonestar, my mother’s horse, was at the stables near the palace, I had to find a different steed. Natalia was always my choice when we came to Applewood. We got along well, and she was better for more experienced riders anyway. She liked to run, so I thought I’d take her out to the field before the fox hunt to stretch her legs a bit.

After she was saddled up, I hopped on, and led her out to the field to trot, being sure not to tire her out too much before the trail ride.

Before long, the nobles had assembled and the fox hunt had begun. I was at the end of the procession, but I led Natalia to the sidelines, so we could pass a few people. There was no way I was going to be stuck behind Penelope while she was telling her hundredth story about her poodles that morning. Plus, I wanted to find Bragnae.

After seeing how she ogled the muscles in my arm, and not Liam’s, I figured it was time to stop playing this game. I needed to start being nicer to her, and explain myself. She deserved that. And out of all the people I wanted to be a prick to, she wasn’t even on the list. So, it would end today.

As I made my way through the trail, the crisp air was refreshing. The woods surrounded the manmade path. It was beautiful, save for the bickering nobles. I shook my head in disgust at them. It was a shame they couldn’t appreciate what was around them. Just shut the fuck up, and enjoy the ride.

I finally saw Bragnae up ahead. She was on a black horse – oh, wait, that was the horse who won the derby. Huh. I wondered how she happened to possess her. Bragnae was riding alongside Hana who was showing her some sort of dressage move. I smirked thinking about Hana’s plethora of talent.

I wasn’t going to intrude on their moment, so I kept my pace and position in hopes that Hana would ride off eventually. My patience had paid off as Hana rode ahead a minute later. Now was my chance.

I squeezed my legs around Natalia and gave her a slight kick with my heels to give her the sign to trot ahead. When she approached Bragnae and her horse, I pulled back on Natalia’s reins to keep up with Bragnae’s horse.

“Hey, Bennett. You look nice.” She did, too. She managed to find a rider’s outfit. A maroon jacket and tight, brown pants with knee-high boots.

Bragnae pulled back in surprise. “Wow. Opening with a compliment, huh? You feeling okay?”

I chuckled. “Yep. Just fine.”

“I’m surprised to see you out here today. I would have figured all the nobles would have repelled your desire to join us.”

“This is actually something I love doing. Riding horses, I mean. And it’s entertaining to watch the stuffy nobles fuss over their blazers. It amazes me how much they’re missing what’s around them, though.”

“Is that why you’re smiling more today?”

I couldn’t help but smile again as I looked at her. “It has more to do with who I’m riding next to.”

She feigned a surprised gasp, complete with a hand over her heart. “A second compliment!”

“If you’re lucky, you might get a third.” I loved bantering with her. It was always fun.

“Oh, then let me find a four-leaf clover really quick.” She winked at me with that dazzling smile I liked so much.

I sighed giving Natalia a couple pats on her neck. It was time to be honest with her. I needed to explain why I’d been such an ass to her. “You know, when we first met, I wanted to dislike you so badly.”

Genuine surprise highlighted her face. “Why?”

“Well, you were crashing Liam’s bachelor party. That was supposed to be our last night out together before all this nonsense. I don’t get to spend much time with him, and now, I’m lucky if I get to spend five minutes with him before a noble girl throws herself in front of him.” I also didn’t want to like you because I knew I couldn’t have you. Wish I could tell her that.

I looked over at her to see a somewhat pained expression. “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“I knew what you meant.” There was compassion in her eyes. Thank God. The last thing I wanted was her thinking I was insulting her in any way.

“Anyway, I know we got off to a bad start, but somewhere along the way,” I paused to gather my courage, “…things changed.” I hope she could read between the lines.

“I wanted to dislike you too,” she replied.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. “You did?”

“Well, yeah! I mean, you were a total dick to me.” She turned toward her horse, stroking its mane. I was a complete dick to her, and I hated that I did that. “But now…”

“Now?” My nerves were making my hands shake. I gripped the reins tighter as I waited for her response.

“It took time, but I figured out that you’re actually human under all those scowls.”

I shook my head as a smile crept over my lips. She wove a joke into her reply, and it was the cutest damn thing. Now the air was cleared, and it felt good. “Well, this has all been touching, but I need to rescue Liam from his family for a couple minutes. I’ll see you later.”

“I hope so,” she grinned.

Damn, that went well. I heeled Natalia again to get her to trot towards the front of the procession.

Soon, the trail led everyone to an old village where we would all have dinner. I was starving and very much looking forward to eating the giant feast. As everyone got in line to be served, I saw Tariq and Bragnae talking just ahead of me. His body language suggested that he was into her. I knew from the bachelor party in New York that Tariq was attracted to her, but he hadn’t done much more than mention it at the time. Not that I saw anyway.

As I moved forward in the line, I watched Liam trade places with Tariq. His body language was even more obvious. Liam had it bad. I could easily recognize when he was really into a woman, and there was no mistaking it here. But the stakes were even higher this time around. Liam was looking to pick a bride, a future queen. I didn’t know if he was in love with her, but he’d been much more preoccupied with her than any other girl I’d seen him with.

Later that evening after we got back from the ride, I helped the stable hands corral the horses and take their saddles off before I headed to my room. It had been a long day, but despite the length of the ride and being outdoors all day, I wasn’t ready to call it a night.

I needed to see Bragnae again. For some reason, I felt that I didn’t get my fill of her today. Then again, I felt like that every day even when I was with her. Maybe she’d like to go to the gym with me for a late night work out. Would that be too obvious that I wanted to spend time with her?

I decided I didn’t give a shit about that. Some of her signals made it seem like she was into me, so maybe she’d be happy to come along. I changed into a razorback tank top and athletic shorts and made my way to her room. I hoped she wasn’t asleep yet or otherwise busy. Her room wasn’t too far from mine. Liam made sure of that. At the beginning of the Social Season he had asked me to keep an eye on her. At first, I was unsure about it, but that quickly changed. If anything, I was grateful that I had an excuse to be hanging around her.

I came up to her room, and the door was wide open. Does the woman not enjoy privacy? I peeked my head in the door frame searching the room with my eyes before spotting Bragnae straddling the floor, resting on her knees. Her hands pressed against the floor in front of her as she slowly moved up and down.

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. What the hell was she doing? She was still wearing her riding pants, but had removed her blazer and took her hair out of the bun it was in, and cascaded it over one shoulder. I was frozen. Only my eyes could move.

Bragnae’s eyes were closed, and I watched as her full lips transformed in what looked like agony to relief. It was incredibly erotic to watch her in this way. My dirty mind pictured myself underneath her. I wouldn’t mind at all if she wanted to ride me like that. Seeing her now made it easy to imagine her legs squeezing my hips as she felt every inch of my dick inside her.

My hardened and impatient cock brought me out of my trance. I needed to make my presence known before someone noticed I was just standing in her doorway watching her like some fucking pervert.

“Need a hand there?” Fuck. That was my dick talking. Why did I say that? Fuck.

Bragnae’s eyes snapped open, and an embarrassed smile crossed over her lips. “Hey, Drake.”

“Whatcha doin’?” I was genuinely curious.

Bragnae slowly stood up. “I was just stretching. It’s been a while since I last rode a horse.”

Hmmm. Could that also mean it’s been a while since she’s ridden a man that way? I know if she rode a stallion like me, she’d be sore. No getting around that. Her inner thighs would strain to hold onto me as I would thrust into her over and over again making her come so hard she’d struggle to breathe after her screams of pleasure finally subsided.

I cleared my throat to push the thought out of my mind. “I ride pretty regularly, so I’m used to it by now.”

“What are you doing for the rest of the night?”

I’d love for the answer to be you. “I was actually going to head down to the gym, and I was going to ask you if you’d like to join me, but I guess you probably don’t feel up to it being sore from the ride.”

“No, I can still go,” she said immediately with a smile. “Just give me a minute to change.”

Wow. Cool. So, she doesn’t mind working out even as sore as she is. I didn’t want to get too excited, but I was pretty sure it was because of me. At least I hoped so.

I nodded after processing her response. “Yeah, sure. I’ll just be outside.” I closed her door behind me, and leaned against the wall.

My heart was starting to race again, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I took a couple deep breaths to calm my nerves. After another minute, her door opened and Bragnae emerged wearing an electric blue sports bra top, similar to the one she danced in, and black spandex leggings to match. Her stomach and lower back were completely bare.

My dick took over again. It was making my eyes get lost in her body that was standing so close to me that I could feel the heat between us. I had a sudden urge to tuck the tip of my finger just beneath her waistband, and roll it across her pelvis, undoubtedly making her tremble. My gaze traveled up to her top where the most spectacular cleavage I’d ever seen peeked out.

The tightness of her outfit pushed her breasts up and together. If I wasn’t mistaken, I was pretty sure she had pulled that zipper in the front of her top down even more than it had been the other day. She was flirting with her clothes, and I was completely onboard with that. If she only knew what her outfit was doing to me.

Thank Christ my brain woke up in time to save me from myself as my eyes returned to hers. “Shall we?”

#TRR Dirty Mind Fanfic #drake walker #drake x bragnae #trr drake #trr fanfic

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diaryofadepressedwoman · 4 years ago

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My Son’s Father

I started dating him when I was 19. We moved into my dad’s house first and, just before we both turned 21, we got our first apartment together. We spent his 21st partying in our one bedroom apartment and spent mine with me on the floor crying. He was a narcissist. If he didn’t want to do it or wasn’t having fun, it wasn’t going to happen. I lost a lot of friends for him. All I did was work and hang out with his friends. We got engaged right before I turned 22. I had heard rumors of him hanging out and partying with minors. None of his friends would tell me what really happened with those girls, they told me he did nothing and it was all them. Well, then I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to tell my mom, and right to be because she was disappointed I was pregnant. She didn’t accept my pregnancy for a while. But she was at every appointment. I’m the oldest and her only daughter and this was her first and only grandchild. A baby makes everyone happy after some time. Things were hard through my pregnancy. Baby dad couldn’t keep a job. I was working 40+ hours a week as a manager in a restaurant. I was on my feet constantly and went home to a narcissist who did nothing to relieve me, even though he sat at our home all day cheating on me. I didn’t know that at the time though. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia right before I hit my 37 week mark and induced right on week 37. 6 hours of labor and 3 pushes and I met my beautiful baby boy. I felt complete for the first time in a long time. Not even 24 hours after going home, I was back in the hospital with fluid on my lungs, which had caused pressure on my heart. I almost died. My newborn son spent the first week of his life being taken care of by my mother. I struggled with breastfeeding after I was back home because I was on a water pill and it just dried me right up. Eventually the depression just got worse and worse. We had to leave our little one bedroom apartment not long after our son turned one. We got a little 2 bedroom after that. I took on a general manager position after my son turned 2. I wasn’t home much. I worked 65+ hours a week at that point. Just months before our 6 year anniversary, I started getting this bad gut feeling. I’ve always been one to trust my gut because it’s never been wrong before. I got on his snapchat while I was working a long day. I had my best friend with me. That’s when I found all of the things he had been hiding from me for 6 years. Our sons birthday, he was receiving nudes from another woman, one of his exes. A woman he consistently cheated on me with apparently. I found pictures of his sleeping with another woman. Another woman giving him head. Him sending our address to random women he didn’t know while I was at work. And finally a man. That’s where I broke. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I screamed and cried in the middle of my restaurant. My world was falling apart right before my eyes. What had I done wrong? Why was I not good enough to love and be faithful to? I told him we needed to talk and I sped home. I don’t remember the drive home honestly. It was a blur and I was crying so hard. I texted him again when I was outside all the screenshots I had found and I headed for the door. My baby was asleep at that point so I took him to my room and asked him why? Why couldn’t he just love me? Why did he let me have his child if he couldn’t even be faithful to me? Was he trying to trap me? I threw him out, but then asked him to sleep in the family room because I was ready to kill myself. That was my first night with no sleep. I didn’t sleep for 3 nights after and didn’t eat for almost 2 weeks. I was manic. I was out of control. But the third night is the first night I had my current boyfriend come to my house to sit with me. I finally felt peace and could sleep. He made me feel safe and comfortable. And from that day forward, he was by my side every day. I know it was really quick. We didn’t expect it. But we also couldn’t think of it going any other way. He helped me deal with the mania in the beginning and has been patient every episode since.

#diary entry #personal diary #diary #journal #journal entry #public diary #public #baby daddy #deadbeat baby daddy #my story

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b--tchcraft · 4 years ago

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「 ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵉᵉⁿ 𝓶𝓪𝔂𝓪 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓵𝓲𝓷 ʸᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˢᶜʰᵒᵒˡ ʸᵉᵃʳ ?? ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ⁱⁿ 𝓸𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪, 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓲𝓻, ᵒʳ 𝓭𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓪 𝓬𝓵𝓾𝓫 ?? ⁱ ʰᵉᵃʳᵈ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ʷⁱˡᵈ ʳᵘᵐᵒʳˢ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ 𝓼𝓲𝔁𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷 ʸᵉᵃʳ ᵒˡᵈ ˡᵃˢᵗ ˢᵉᵐᵉˢᵗᵉʳ, ᵇᵘᵗ ⁿᵒʷ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉʸ’ʳᵉ ᵃ 𝓳𝓾𝓷𝓲𝓸𝓻 ⁱᵗ ᵐⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵇᵉ ᵃ ᵈⁱᶠᶠᵉʳᵉⁿᵗ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ. ᵃᶜᶜᵒʳᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉⁱʳ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈˢ ᵗʰᵉʸ’ʳᵉ ᵖʳᵉᵗᵗʸ 𝓭𝓻𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓷, ᵇᵘᵗ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗⁱᵐᵉˢ 𝓼𝓱𝓮 ᶜᵃⁿ ᵇᵉ 𝓶𝓮𝓭𝓭𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰. ʷʰᵒ ᵏⁿᵒʷˢ, ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵐⁱᵍʰᵗ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵇᵉ 𝓱𝓮𝓻 ʸᵉᵃʳ ! 」

LIGHTNING ROUND

full name: maya ruby matlin

date of birth: may 9, 2004 @ 11:50 AM (16y/o)

star signs: taurus sun, leo rising, capricorn moon

birth order: youngest

gender: cis female (she/her)

sexuality: bisexual

romanticism: biromantic

personality: ambivert, idealist, infp-t

moral alignment: neutral good

temperament: melancholy-choleric

hogwarts house: slytherin

spirituality: undecided, only vaguely spiritual

positive traits: tender, prodigious, visionary

negative traits: naive, intrusive, self-involved

faceclaim: kiernan shipka

AN OVERVIEW

tw: illness (multiple sclerosis), hospitals, overdose, addiction, eating disorder, mental illness, anxiety, depression

this interpretation of maya matlin is a little bit all over the place since i wanted to have her come in on a mostly fresh note (especially since so much is au around here so obviously a lot of her more formative plotlines didn't happen) but i wanted to keep what i consider to be some of her key character traits. so some liberties have been taken not that anyone ever cares xx

maya was interested in music from a very young age while simultaneously always having trouble with making friends. when she was in second grade and her parents noticed that she’d been invited to way less playdates and birthday parties than her older sister, katie matlin, did by her age, they figured getting her music lessons would be a good way to both enrich and socialize her.

the cello was love at first sight for maya. her parents tried to talk her down to a violin since she was comically small compared to the larger instrument, but she couldn't be swayed. she was also a natural when she got her first lesson as a sort of trial run, and so maya x cello began.

growing up hearing things like gifted and talented, even child prodigy did make her ego grow with her, but it wasn’t without reason—even she could see how much she excelled in orchestra compared to her classmates, to the point where she took up other instruments along the way just to keep feeling challenged. but other than that, she didn’t have much going for her; her overall grades were pretty good, and she was generally nice to the other people at school (even the ones she had no problem telling her family she didn’t like) but no friendships ever stuck. music really was like her one thing.

so, her parents did what they could to nourish it—including enrolling her in a middle school for the performing arts, which she loved. but in a few years when katie started high school at degrassi and was more well-rounded than ever—having friends, clubs, soccer, taekwondo, etc.—it really did highlight how little maya did outside of her little musical world. mr. & mrs. matlin started to worry that, in allowing and encouraging this, they were only enabling maya to alienate herself from other people and opportunities in the world. so, much to her dismay, the next year she, too, was enrolled at degrassi.

with lots of cliques and friend groups carrying over from previous schools, maya felt like a new kid in the worst way. luckily for her, one kendra mason noticed how much she looked like a lost puppy and took her under her wing, already knowing her way around despite being in the same grade since she had an older brother in katie’s grade and already knew most of their peers. to say that maya latched onto bonding with kendra would be a massive understatement, and the two have been best friends ever since.

although maya’s made no secret of her disdain for how undemanding degrassi’s music curriculum is, with kendra’s friendship (and the way she has no problem telling maya when she’s being a little brat) she finally started branching out more, joining a few clubs, making some more friends, getting crushes (lots of crushes) and just enjoying being a teenager for the first time, like, ever. so, imagine her heartbreak when she found out kendra was gonna be going away to boarding school the following year.

despite how much more involved she was now, maya started sophomore year feeling lost all over again. however, she at least knew that kendra’s ex, toby isaacs, would be missing kendra just as much as she did, especially since it wasn’t like they had broken up on bad terms. so the two gravitated towards each other—well, no, it was more like: maya gravitated towards him, which got them to hang out more and actually become closer friends, and that was nice for both of them...but maya also totally developed a big crush on toby in the process that was not only unrequited but unspoken about so that no one would ever know (except maybe katie, who could always read maya like a book). it really wasn’t even that she had any intention of dating him, he had just kind of become her closest friend at degrassi without kendra there and they both bonded over missing her and it was nice, and i mean, it’s toby, he’s nice, and funny, and adorable, and oh my god did maya not want to be feeling any kind of way about her best friend’s ex and had a whole lot of feelings about the whole thing and wrote a whole lot of songs about it that she never wants to see the light of day. but she never did get rid of the journal she wrote them in.

eventually she got over it, at first because the weirdness of it all turned her off from the whole idea of liking him, but then especially when she found out kendra was coming back. whether that had more to do with guilt about ever having crushed on toby in the first place or just the sheer excitement of getting her bestie again remains unclear. she just tries not to think about it too much.

A RUNDOWN

maya’s trademark savior complex is still very present, having started with her mom; with her dad usually working and katie always busy, maya grew up spending a lot of time alone with her mother, who suffers from multiple sclerosis. while, fortunately, margaret matlin maintained a lot of her independence, some days were worse than others as with any chronic illness, and maya was always checking in on her and seeing if there was anything she could do to help. her compulsion to “save” her loved ones later grew when katie wound up hospitalized from an overdose, and maya learned (from general talk among the parents and medical staff) that not only did her sister have a pill addiction but had struggled with disordered eating as well.

although none of it had anything to do with her, maya couldn’t help but feel like things might not have gotten so bad had she monitored katie more closely like she did their mother, but she didn’t want to make it about herself, so she just kept quiet about these thought patterns, only internalizing it more. at the fault of no one in particular, this developed into a sort of anxiety, which makes her worry a little too much about her friends and family—often to the point of nosiness or straight-up invasion of privacy in the pursuit of a maya matlin wellness check. the fact that she goes to degrassi, of course, doesn’t make this any better, by the way, with all of the shit that goes down there all the time.

this habit of catastrophizing has also led to a currently undiagnosed mild depression, which often even seems totally latent in her behavior but does circle back to worsening her anxiety. she tends to fixate on stressors (usually personal, but sometimes as big as world events) and will have racing/spiraling thoughts. her lower points tend to be worsened based on circumstance, so she’s more likely to “look” or “seem” depressed in times of higher personal distress, contrasting the heightened nerves and paranoia that will often come beforehand (and serves as a good warning sign). basically, the girl needs therapy, we’ll get there eventually.

ANYTHING ELSE?

i definitely played up the amount she was affected by her mom and katie (even tho i will argue that those were starting points in her mental health journey) but since we’re in a super au and i was trying to serve fresh maya realness alongside later!maya personality/mentality traits, i kinda had to chopshop her backstory a little. that’s also why this turned out so long, i knew i had some differences that needed some explaining.

(also pls note if we do get a katie who doesn’t want to keep the aforementioned plots OR wants to change it up some, i’m obviously open to that!)

i also figure that maya’s relationship with katie would be figured out more when/if we get a katie, but by default, i like to imagine they’re very close with a pretty clear “wiser big sister looking out for her baby sister who thinks she knows everything” dynamic, like best friends but katie puts on the big sister hat when she needs to.

i’m also trying to be very mindful of her mental health because i don’t want her to be quite the extent she ever reaches in next class, but i did also appreciate and apparently relate to a lot of the nuances in how her mental illness really surfaced and inevitably spiraled. so she’s going to be a little mix of happy lil early day maya and the nervous wreck she became later one, with just a splash of next class’s touches like “disaster porn” and having days where stays home from school because she just feels too down. basically, it fluctuates.

maya kind of always knew that she was bi, but like, quietly, since it’s never really been a big deal to her but she also didn’t want to seem like she was looking for attention (not for that, anyway). she definitely acts more outwardly boy-crazy though.

she is also a serial crusher and goes through them faster than even she can keep up with. other than toby, some highlights of the crushes she’s had include: adam torres, alena montanez, alex nunez, amy peters-hoffman, ashley kerwin (like, right when she started her cool goth look), danny van zandt, dave turner, imogen moreno, reggie dever, sean cameron, spinner mason, yael baron, and obviously zig novak. she’s totally got a thing for cam saunders at the moment, and she thinks that craig is, like, the coolest, but not even in a dating kinda way just in a wow-you’re-so-cool-and-talented-i-wanna-open-up-for-you-on-tour-one-day-pls-notice-me-senpai kinda way. and she’s almost definitely felt some type of way about kendra that’s more than friends, more than once, at some point, but even she hasn’t realized that.

despite the fact that she’s got a song written for almost half the school, maya has never dated anyone or even had her first kiss! obviously nothing wrong with that, but a fun trivia bit.

the basement of the matlin house is practically dedicated to being maya’s studio. it’s like half practice room, half hangout, filled with just about every instrument maya took an interest in over the years (mostly string instruments, some miscellaneous, she’s currently trying to build up a drumset that she’s convinced she’s gonna teach herself, and her next fantasy/goal is to get a theremin) as well as an iMac with a composition and production softwares, a sound system, and then just like a couch and a tv and stuff. it’s a pretty impressive amount of musical equipment that looks like a lot (and it is) but again, it’s really like her one thing and her parents want her to be happy. most of it comes from various holidays and occasions since she only ever really asks for additions to her collection as gifts, so between that and random bits and pieces she saved up to buy herself (and a few her parents just felt like treating her to) it’s built up over the years.

yeah i literally always play maya with this basement, it’s basically become a staple of my maya matlins, i’ve designed it a couple of times but i’ll probably redo it once more for this verse because it’s her favorite place to hang out.

aaand i’m gonna make myself end there because i’ll just keep going and this is already far too long but yeah welcome to the world my latest edition in maya matlins~

#ch: maya #bio: maya #*: maya #hqdintro #tw: illness #tw: hospital #tw: overdose #tw: drugs #tw: addiction #tw: eating disorder #tw: mental illness #tw: anxiety #tw: depression

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