#cause i really want to make stuff again without feeling soul sucking pressure

[vanyamired]

Okay, but Del Toro is so right about this.

[Transcript] I consume, and love, art made by humans. I am completely moved by that. And I'm not interested in illustration made by machines and the extrapolation of information.

I talked to Dave McKean, which is a great artist, and he told me his greatest hope is that AI cannot draw. It can interpolate information but it cannot draw. It can never capture a feeling or a countenance or the softness of a human face, y'know?

So, I think that certainly if that conversation was being had about film, it'd hurt deeply, and I would think it, as Miyazaki says, 'an insult to life itself'. [/end transcript]

[popironrye]

Dracfield Fanfic Preview

I'm having a blast working on this big dracfield fanfic I have, but it's a slow process. To make myself feel better I wanted to post a little snip bit as like a preview without actually spoiling the largest part of the story. Here's the summary for a little context: In order to get out of a sticky situation, Teddy Lobo pressures Renfield into doing cocaine and the results are messy. Leading to Dracula having to aid his loyal servant in the simple task of getting cleaned up. This little section is heavily implied Tedfield for funsies, but let it be known that this story is not a tedfield fic. So I hope not to disappoint people by clarifying this is the extent of any tedfield stuff really since the story is about dracfield, but let me know if I should write a full blown tedfield fic. :3

What started as one bottle of tequila turned into a second. Then a third. But that wasn’t enough for Teddy. Robert timidly downed as many drinks as Teddy and his entourage handed him. He wasn’t much of a heavy drinker. Being inebriated to such a level would spell disaster not only for his master but also himself. He would surely fail his master by being too drunk to function or at worst, protect him when he needed it. Still though, Robert was always a social drinker and you couldn’t get any more social than being around Teddy and the Lobo gang. Hollering, laughing, and carrying on like the tightest of friends. It wasn’t long before the scenery switched from the Lobo home to a rowdy bar where the drinks continued to flow, to the point where Robert was starting to wobble. Teddy was absolutely sloshed from the beginning, but that didn’t stop him from being the fun loving center of attention. He was really good at that, even as his declarations of a good time became nearly incomprehensible with all the slurring he was doing. He tumbled into furniture and people alike. It was a little amusing to Robert to see the man in such a state.

After Teddy flailed an arm firmly over his shoulder, probably as a way to keep himself more steady, Robert decided it was probably for the best that Teddy be taken home. Everyone else was way too busy enjoying themselves in their own drunken worlds so Robert decided he’d get Teddy home first and come back for everyone else later. While his legs were a little shaky, not helped by how fidgety Teddy was being, Robert was still in his right mind to get back home. Practically dragging Teddy out into the parking lot, with one of Teddy’s arms over his shoulder holding his wrist and his other hand holding firmly on Teddy’s waist to keep his legs from dragging against the ground. Robert was surprised with how little resistance he was getting. Usually Teddy would fight against his grip to keep partying but he seemed content being led away by him. Mumbling under his breath too quiet and too garbled for Robert to fully understand him. Teddy leaned his weight against him, nuzzling his nose into the side of Robert’s neck, causing him to sharply suck a breath in through his teeth. His body let out an involuntary shudder and he felt Teddy smile against his skin. He was getting a kick out of that. Robert grumbled to himself. Smug little twit. Still he smiled. The sensation of the other man pushing his weight against him; trusting him to practically glide him back to the car was nice. The feeling of his warm breath against his pulse point was more intoxicating than the alcohol in his system. The feeling of having someone, anyone relying on him again made his chest flutter. Robert sighed, how quick he was to feel this way was almost shameful. He’d be damned if the slightest bit of touch was all it took to light a fire in his soul and yet, any sensible person could tell he was damned a long time ago. Once he made it back to the car, Robert had to lean Teddy’s body against his side, hoisting him up with one arm as he opened the door with the other. He gently laid Teddy down across the seats. With a slight jostle, Teddy shifted over to glance up at him. Eyes glossy, lips slightly parted as he took short breaths. His chest heaving as he rested his cheek into the leather. His entire face flushed, no doubt from all the alcohol and his once tightly slicked back hair had strands falling all over the place. “Robert…” He muffled softly. The sound of his name coming from Teddy so tenderly brought heat from his core to his cheeks. How he wondered how sweet it would sound to make Teddy call out his name like that more…no! No, he thought. What the hell was wrong with him? He was grateful Teddy had no insight into his mind like his master did. Not that it would have mattered regardless at this moment. Robert prodded Teddy’s leg with his finger tip. He was completely out cold. Robert sighed as he stood a moment letting the night air cool his face. It was only then when his mind was clear from worrying about Teddy and the buzz in his system began to ease that he had the feeling he was being watched. Before he could step back to close the door, he felt a strong pair of hands clasp against the back of his shirt and the other firmly pressed on the back of his head. Before he could even react he was forced violently forward, having his brow line smashed against the top of the inner frame. Robert stayed on his feet but his unseen assailant was quick to lay a few body blows and ended with a hard stomp in the back of his knee. Robert landed against the pavement, he gritted his teeth as he felt the flesh of his palms scrap against the ground. While he was down the man who assaulted him made quick work of the fight with a swift kick right into the side of Robert’s jaw and everything went black.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Do you find Moonshadow culture becoming a little less... likeable? (but not less interesting) It seems like they hand out Ghostings like candy with no path to forgiveness and no belief in a person’s ability to change and reform themselves. The pressure and anxiety those elves must be feeling at all times has got to astronomical. What are your thoughts?

I have plenty of thoughts, as always! Less likeable than what, though, anon? Maybe you’ve missed most of my posts on Moonshadow society over the last year...

Moonshadow society is a disaster, poor thing. It’s a tightlaced corset, pretty but restrictive with long term consequences. It’s a queer neurodivergent elf who just wants to do their very best but all the rules that are supposed to help them out with that end up hurting them too and they don’t know how to stop or change and so yes they’re dancing gracefully in the moonlight and yes they express themselves through beauty but if you get close enough you can hear the constant pterodactyl screech of their soul too. (Did I extrapolate extra hard from “Runaan is the most Moonshadow of the Moonshadow elves”, maybe yes)

Moonshadow society is deeply flawed and it needs help, but it’s so big and pervasive that it may be impossible to change its course without severe consequences, just like last time (aka moving east across the border and becoming assassins that took out humans). The elves can only do so much to alter their own fates from inside their own society.

Some may leave and never return. Some get ghosted and want nothing more than to re-enter the fold because they still believe in its ideals, like Feathershawl. Some probably try to change things from the inside, whether subtly or obviously. And others embrace the rules with both arms and try to mold themselves into The Perfect Moonshadow Who Can Do No Wrong, in order to remain safe and to belong.

But that’s a spectrum you’re going to get when perfectionism is a big part of your cultural philosophy. Everything has to be Just So for so many aspects of these elves’ lives, and it’s Very Not Good for them. Yes, they’re pretty. But mandating prettiness is just as bad as mandating other aspects of personal choice and free will.

As for ghosting, I really don’t think Moonshadows just yeet those left and right with little care for the consequences. I do think they’re too harsh with their shunning! Shunning, giving up, turning their back in a relatively permanent way, that’s not a good solution. Learning and adapting are important, and knowing that you have time and room to practice and adjust is so important for mental health and stability in your society. Living in constant fear of minding the rules or getting even perceived to be doing something incorrectly is such a drain on your energy.

But I do think that the Moonshadows have strict rules for what deserves ghosting and what doesn’t, just as they do for other stuff. The details of Feathershawl’s ghosting are theirs to keep, and I assume any Narrator could flesh those out however they chose during a playtest, whether to make their situation more or less sympathetic for the players.

But my take is this: Moonshadow elves revere life very deeply, and they work constantly to serve each other and their whole community, as they hold themselves together and celebrate their continued existence on every level they can. When someone in a position of big responsibility for the health, well-being, and lives of so many Moonshadow citizens messes up in such a bad way that there’s a plague and lots of elves die--lose their precious lives, lose those connections with others, leave their families torn and distraught and unable to focus on their own duties due to heavy, soul-sucking grief--when one elf causes this level of arcanum-deep catastrophe, I can absolutely see why the other Moonshadow elders would be horrified and grief-stricken, and furious. It’s a very un-Moonshadow thing to have happen, especially with how hard they’re all trying to be so very Moonshadow all the time.

Feathershawl had a position that gave them authority over the food sources that kept a good number of the Forest’s elves fed and able to live their lives without privation. And they screwed that up somehow. They were trusted with a basic staple of everyday life--food--and they got it wrong in such a horrible way that there are a lot fewer Moonshadow elves as a result.

Moonshadow elves need each other’s support and presence as part of their communal network, and anything that tears at that fabric goes against everything that Moonshadow philosophy stands for. Feathershawl themself had literally dozens of family members, whose illusions were kept in their crystal. That’s a lot of family! If it’s common for Moonshadow elves to have that many family members, then a plague would probably touch every family multiple times and leave everyone multiply devastated. It’s just Bad All Around.

There’s probably a lot more to Rayla’s ghosting than we know, since we only learned of it from her POV and she’s not in the habit of sharing Moonshadow secrets with Callum just yet. Knowing that Moonshadow families are so thickly intertwined, and how heavily they rely on each other to help support and cheer each other through standing strong together and mutual services, it’s no big stretch to imagine that Rayla’s biggest crime in Moonshadow eyes wasn’t her supposed running away, it was that her actions cost the Silvergrove their assassin leader, one of their elders and one of the strongest moral guiding hands they had. Rayla cost the Silvergrove their most Moonshadow Moonshadow.

Without Runaan, the Silvergrove is probably reeling quite a bit, and Rayla’s failure is to blame, in their eyes. They’re all suffering, and they need to put the blame somewhere--other than themselves--so they can start to move forward again.

It’s far from ideal. It’s very shame and blame oriented. But it does hold to some internal logic that seems to bear out through the three ghostings we know of for sure so far.

Another things Moonshadows are very good at is quick action. The moment they think there’s been a “mistake”, they move to address it. Whatever feelings they have on the matter, they process it in half a second (if at all) and jump straight to rectification. You attack the Storm Spire? Lain’s gonna kick you down the stairs. You think the Silvergrove ghosted you unfairly? You literally run to Ethari for help. You see Rayla trying to stay on the mission? You grab her wrists so she can’t draw her weapons. You see your workshop doors open but no one’s there? You stop working and fetch a hammer in case you need to smash a vindictive ghost. You think your friends failed their duty and dishonored you? You take everyone you can to go uphold that honor, including a 15 year old girl. (Holy cats does that mean everyone on Runaan’s squad was family, oh god) Swift action is a reassertion of the rules, of what’s right, so no one forgets. That’s got to include ghosting for things that are really terrible.

What I do find interesting is that Eljaal, the homesick assassin who is afraid to return home, may not be worried about ghosting specifically? But it’s a little unclear. I think there is something else they fear, perhaps a lesser punishment? But still one they can’t yet bring themself to face, poor elf.

I do think Moonshadow society is very stressful on the mind, and all these elves have become very skilled at hiding, mitigating, and otherwise working around their stresses and traumas. The greatest illusion that Moonshadows play is the one that Everything Is Fine, because there is always more work to do, and they keep telling themselves that they’re the ones who must do it, for everyone elses’s sakes. Laziness and selfishness are probably the same thing to Moonshadows. Hmm, maybe that’s why Runaan lets his family drag him off to picnics on his birthday, so he doesn’t seem selfish for wanting alone time.

In very very long, anon, Moonshadows are a Mess tee emm, and they’ve been designed that way from the start: doing their best inside a flawed system. This is the heart of their imperfection. They will probably benefit from spending time with literally anyone else aside from just themselves. They really really need to get out more, or to let someone else in, because the strictest of their own traditions are actually ruining the life and beauty they work so hard to celebrate.

[gaymershigh]

hi! can i request riddle, ace, epel, deuce, and floyd finding out their male s/o is an age regressor to cope with stress? pls make it fluffy!! (also it's ok if you can't do my request !! /genuine)

Despite this being so long in my inbox for so long, I'm actually pretty excited to do this one, anonnie! However, this is a shorter since I don't fully know about age regressing, sorry about that! ಥ_ಥ

Triggers: none

Riddle, Ace, Epel, Deuce and Floyd discovering their male s/o is an age regressor

He was always the one who gets stressed out from his dorm members so you're probably the one that needs to comfort him if anything but it doesn't mean he doesn't know how to comfort you as well.

But that doesn't mean he automatically knows what to do when he's finds this information about you, though. He has learned several things throughout his garbage childhood but age regression is not one of it.

When Trey said it's been days since you looked drained and tired from what he presumely was because of you studying for the final exam and just prefect duties in general. This got him worried because you're his lover and obviously he doesn't want to see you worried.

When he did check up with you, he was loss for words. There were coloring books everywhere and then there's you connecting dots to finish the drawing of the book.

This is probably the times you are really stressed and of course he wants to help at all cost but he really doesn't know what to do. Of course, with your little explanation, everything gets a little bit easier to handle.

He didn't really have a good parent role models and the only thing that his mother did to him was celebrating his birthdays and sometimes act nice. He's not gonna act like that of course but he might accidentally project what his mother has done to you and if he did, he will be on his knees and apologize.

He'll do research's about things he should do with children/toddler/infant around your age. He wants you to feel fully comfortable on age regressing around him, this could also help him with parenting if you two would ever consider adopting or so.

Dating Ace won't save you from all the chaos and disasters from this school and he DEFINITELY won't stop from causing any trouble and stressing you out unintentionally.

To be honest, you're a whole different breed of alien if you don't get stressed out at the slightest by your boyfriend and friend's shenanigans. Not only do you have to deal with daily disarray but you also have prefect duties to be doing thanks to that deatbead of a principal.

You always run up to the dorm as soon as you had finish your tasks from headmaster. At the first few times you did it he didn't really give one. You probably want to sleep since it's just tiring but as more day passes by, Ace gets more pissed. You have been lessening your time with him and barely even check your phone.

He gets it, you're tired and all but he's a selfish bastard and wants your love 24/7. So when you kept ending your calls with him very early and he HAD it. So when he barged in to your room, my man went stiff. You were just in the middle of playing with some toys until he interrupted your little session.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

Just by telling him you're age regressing, he already knows what's up and what to do for some reason. He be sprinting to Sam's shop, not caring the weird looks he's getting from buying all these children/toddler type stuff. Does he care? HELL NO! You're his top priority at the current moment and this might be some way to spend time, no?

He'll dote and spoil you to bits. You're so cute, there's no way he could ever say no to your little self! Cuddles? Of course! New toys? Definitely! Headpats? Say no more! He'll love you and treat you like the lovely prince.

He sometimes accidentally forget that you can change to your big self and you'll have to remind him. He once treated you like a baby when you're in your bedroom, thinking you are still in your little self. It was awkward and he wished and beg for you to not speak about it ever again.

He was probably forced to take care of a baby in his hometown back then. Though, this doesn't mean he's automatically good at taking care of kids. If anything, he's horrible at it. He hadn't learned much from that babysitting experience.

Now, when he discovered that you age regress, those terrible memories of the baby crying up a storm comes back but this is potentially a time for him to enhance his babysitting skills, maybe? He freaking hopes so, he doesn't want to be a lost cause.

He's the one that always gets stressed and always in the lowest from the VDC practice. The burden that Vil keeps throwing on him makes him so worked up, he doesn't even see you getting also a tiny bit stressed from both manager duties and just watching others getting pressured in general.

You've been holding it back for awhile to turn to your little self in worries of getting caught. He finally notices when Ace asked if you're ok because you seemed like you're struggling with something. He got super suspicious when you kept brushing him off.

He thinks that you're just uncomfortable to talk about in public or it's something so private that even talking about it to your friends is a no-no. So when you're in your bedroom, he'll pester about you to spill the beans.

So when you did and explained to him what age regressing, he just let out a simple "oh". He doesn't know what to do other than asking questions on what you like to do. Please be straightforward with your answer because he's garbage at reading hearts and also just looks tragic when taking care of people younger than him.

He forces you that you're going to be little but in little and have to lock the door if you do because you need to let the stress go. He will also ask you if you're little subtly if your signs of being little is not as obvious.

He will learn how to take care of you and buy the things you like by looking at the things you already have or have a lot of quantity. He's not the best at taking care but he's getting better so give him a clap for that.

No little kid in their right mind would approach him when he's in his middle school days, meaning that he has have not a single interaction with a kid that could be remembered. If anything, they'll run the second he tries to even approach them. Sure, he now has experience with talking to kids but it's so painfully awkward it hurts your soul.

He knows what little space is but only the meaning of it and nothing else. He thought that people only do this because they want to literally go back to old memories which is partly true but that's not enough. You must educate this fool.

Just like Ace, you're not safe from the disasters of the school and your own boyfriend's idiocy. Him being less smart than Ace doesn't help it either. You're the god of patience if you can handle all of the messes both you, your friends and boyfriend have caused. Also again, you're something else if you can handle all the prefect duties from Crowley because he sucks.

You usually have study sessions with him so you can help him get better at history and other subject he sucks at and this could also help you memorise and learn new things as well. Though, you're have been either showing up late or keep coming up with excuses when you just don't attend at all. He's getting really impatient but doesn't want to sound like an asshole so he just deals with it.

You got caught for being little while in call without realizing. He swear he thought he can speak baby/toddler language when he spoke to you when you're still immersed in your little toys.

He ran to your room in Usain Bolt pace to your place, worried sick for you. You were finally back to your original state and explain the situation to avoid any stupid conclusions that he possibly can come up with. He was shocked when he found out this is a way to cope with stress. He asked will it help him too and if he should do it, are you against it or are you all up for it? Your choice.

He googled about how to deal with you when you're little and it miraculously help! Kinda. I mean, he knows what things to but for you and how to kinda get along with your activities. How to dote and actually treat you like your younger self? Eh...not so much but just like Epel, he's learning but not as fast as the purple haired boy. Still, praise him for putting this much effort!

It's known that he's spectacular with kids. Despite his intimidating height, he knows exactly what do without even making a single kid quiver in fear. He's way more experienced than anyone here and knows how to deal with age regressing people without himself even knowing it.

He does know what age regressing fully is just like Ace. Just say the word and he's lock and loaded with bunch of children activities that you two could do. He makes sure he brings the "fun" ones only according to his taste.

Being the manager for the VDC competition is such a burden, you knew it will be stressful but NOT this bad. From listening to others' worries to knowing the fact that there's nothing you can do at all about Vil's strictness. Watching others being in dilemmas while you're forced to sit back, watching your friends and peers at the lowest shatters your heart.

You feel absolutely useless and you hate it and telling your boyfriend about your problems won't help that much either. If anything, you don't want to annoy Floyd by seeing you in such a downer state so what's the best option? Don't spend too much time to the point of showing your problems until VDC is over! Definitely a good horrendous idea.

You didn't really think this through when he gets annoyed that you're being non-commital and looks like you really want to get out of here. He'll let it slide for a bit, thinking you're not in the mood like him sometimes but when it keeps happening consistently, he's had enough. He wants answers asap.

You should've expected him questioning and being unable to hide things from him. Since you know it's technically useless to hide things from him at this point. Might as well tell the whole thing, in a private place of course. There's no way you can let anyone else hear your little secret.

The only thing he asked is to confirm that you're age regressing. Once you say yes, he immediately goes down to business. You want that dino toy? Purchased. You don't know which playdough set you want? Out of stock. You want a kids meal type of food? All ready and served. He's really doing all this for you and wants to spoil you rotten. In exchange for cuddles and some praises of course!

Like I said before, he doesn't want your activities while being little to be quitet and dull. So he bought every single game that suitable at your little self's age and very fun for him. Get ready, because you're going to have a bomb of a time with him!

You could potentially be taller than him but he's going to pick you up and doing little circles like you're an actual baby. He'll coo you and everything, he makes the experience like you're actually back in childhood which is an amazing job.

Since there's people in your dorm thanks to the boot camp and he really wants you to be fully and all, he's going to let you be in his room so you can be his little self. Ain't no way some dumb boot camp will stop you from having a fun time with Floyd!

Can you tell that I got a sudden energy boost when writing Floyd's part? Lol~

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎

[thattimdrakeguy]

Future Slate: ROBIN ETERNAL #2 - Even if you haven’t  read it. You certainly seen a lot of it before.

I don’t even know what to put in a review for Robin Eternal #2, cause it’s like, it’s the same mistakes as always.

Can’t draw Tim like how he’s described, he has the personality of burnt toast cause it doesn’t feel entirely like him, they keep acting like Stephanie is his soul mate when that clearly isn’t the fucking case, and it’s so repetitive and boring.

I’ve used the same panels where someone Tim’s own age comments on how Tim looks baby-faced and short for his age to the point it’s stale and just tiring. Repetitive in it’s own right:

But it’s the same mistake so I feel like I have to say it again. 

He’s seventeen there, only grows an inch after. So he’s still short, he’s pretty friggin’ baby-faced even for his age, so that’s going to stay even if he does look a bit older. He’ll still look overall pretty dang young for his age. It’s not like short baby-faced people don’t exist. It’s not infantilizing him like how ignorant people act, it is quite literally what he looks like, and what real actual people look like.

And being able to draw your main character is very important. Because otherwise, you’re doing something very wrong--and guess what, they’re just drawing him very wrong. Which is such a constant error with DC Comics and Tim Drake.

I get he’s older, but you got make it look like TIM still. It’s an older TIM, not just some random dude. Second puberty doesn’t exist. So you have to make it actually look like Tim still. This isn’t the 90s where you make everyone really buff and chiseled, and make them look like steroid abusers during an age up. HE STILL HAS TO LOOK LIKE TIM.

Give him a more mature haircut, take a bit of the softness out since, yeah, he is older, add a scar if you want, I don’t care, but the fact remains that Tim has an obviously specified look and you can’t just ignore it to make him look totally different. Which artists just keep freaking doing

For another example, here’s the artist drawing Tim during his origin (I dress like this sometimes. So it’s low-key cool to me. But still):

Here’s what Tim actually looked like:

They couldn’t even draw him then? Did he not use reference? I wouldn’t know that’s the same character. He’s the size of a grape in his origin. They ironically drew origin Tim to look closer to what he’s supposed to at 18 here. (Not saying he’s 18 in the story, cause I have no idea. A bit too sci-fi for him to just be 18 tho I imagine.)

They’re never going to have an easy time getting his fan base back when they keep proving time and time again that they don’t get him. I feel like most times they do get a moment that feels like him it’s out of coincidence.

Then there’s the story, that’s so freaking repetitive, and so empty. It’s a nothing story. There is nothing to remember about this story. They barely acknowledge or act like Tim even freaking died. They mention it, but it’s like “Haha, yeah, guys, I totally died”, like Tim the kid who probably has 50 existential crisis a month wouldn’t have a whole moment about literally having died.

Plus, I think it’s just really lazy and stupid to just rip off Jason’s story and giving it to Tim. Taking Duke’s friend and giving it to Tim, just leaves such a bad taste in mine and I’m pretty sure others mouths.

In my head I can’t get over the repetition.

“WE HAVE TO DO SOME ABOUT THE RESIN”

“WE HAVE TO DESTROY IT”

“THEY’RE GOING TO DESTROY IT”

“OUR MISSION IS TO DESTROY IT”

“SOMETHINGS WEIRD WITH ROBIN”

“ROBIN SOMETHINGS WEIRD WITH YOU”

“ALL THE PRESSURE IS ON ME”

“THEY’RE HERE CAUSE OF ME”

“IT’S ALL ON ME”

And then it’s like, anything new they add to the issue it’s like “WOW. THIS PLOT TROPE THAT’S BEEN DONE A MILLION TIMES OVER. WOW! STELLAR, AND ORIGINAL, AND NOT BORING.”.

Way to go, fellas. What a comic to make for a new generation that’s going to think the same thing as a lot of people already, because you keep writing him bland or terrible: That Tim is boring.

When you never do what makes Tim interesting to begin with. You’re never going to make people know why he’s a good character. DC doesn’t seem to have the range for it anymore.

The closest they get is during the hallucination scene, but it’s played so much like the cliché that we’ve seen plenty of times in stuff like Spider-Man: Far From Home, that it leads me to believe that the writer might’ve just saw that and incidentally got inspiration to write the scene she ended up writing or something along those lines. It feels too familiar to the already scene.

Cause like, yeah, Tim’s insecurity is a major part of his character, but he’s is a bit more nuanced than that, he changes during the story, he cracks under pressure a bit, which they sort of do here but you have to give him a world he can actually react to, that will make it feel like Tim. Tim had a big life full of friends, and family, and Bat-Family. When you strip him of all that, and give him a girlfriend that’s never meant to be what they make it, and take Duke’s freaking friend like it’s Tim’s, you’re not doing it right.

It just gets to me, because feeling under pressure, being insecure, being scared that your family is going to disappointed in you. Those are all Tim things that made him so interesting, but it’s not in Tim’s voice I guess I could say.

It’s not a very full rendition of Tim to make it work. The geek, the fanboy, anxiety, the kid trying so hard not to be a kid (although he’s an adult in Future Slate obviously), the naïve sense of justice that gets so confusing for him and conflicted. The things that makes Tim have nuance to him and can add different angles to different things about him.

Without it being in Tim’s voice, with Tim’s full personality, or setting, it leads him to feeling too generic, and typical. Which is something they need to learn from, because to a lot of people, he’s already the boring one since they never really wrote him as his own character for so long, a lot of people don’t even know anything about him.

I enjoy the attempt, but I’m disappointed at the lack of success.

Then, well, with Steph it’s pretty blunt. They fought all the time, and didn’t get along. They need to stop acting like they’re a healthy couple or soul-mates, because this is past the 90s, and just acting like they’re really healthy cause of a few cute moments of questionable characterization is never going to feel right for anyone that doesn’t already ship it.

In the end Robin Eternal isn’t a two parter that I’m annoyed exists. I think I’m happier that it exists than I am disappointed it is. I’m disappointed at how it turned out, but not the idea of it existing. Tim hasn’t had his own spotlight since about a decade ago, and Tim’s frickin’ Robin in it. That’s amazing. Seeing him get to be Robin Eternal just feels really right inside. It reminds me of when Young Justice saw into the future, and Tim was there and was Robin still as an adult. Like a balance is restored here. Real people don’t work on superficial rules, and not everyone needs to be a Nightwing. I don’t care for that stereotype. So I’m just glad about that, even if story or character wise it’s nothing major.

It just sucks that this story couldn’t be anything more.

It needed a different artist, and a writer that knew what Tim was like when he’s actually fleshed out. This should’ve been Tim’s big comeback, but it’s not. It just feels like reinforcement that Tim’s stuck. And that really really blows.

It’s not all bad, but it’s not quite right enough to be what it needs to be.

[darkmulti]

Treat you better

Mafia!Yunho x female reader

⚠️Warnings: blood, explicit torture, language, ddlg kink, size kink, praising, marking, orgasm denial, oral (fem receiving), dirty talk, choking

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1:08am

When will it stop?

The vile screams were ringing in the girls ears, making her anxiety level high. Violently shaking in the bed, she patiently waits for her boyfriend who was ironically causing all this unnecessary stress.

That was until a sharp shrill had crossed the line and she burst out into tears, feeling overwhelmed. The traumatized soul gets up and goes downstairs to try and convince her boyfriend to stop torturing whoever the hell it was.

“Yunho?”

The door creaks open and she sees the man chained onto the wall with deep cuts on his limbs and chest. Being frightened by the sight, she closes her eyes again, until an arm wraps around her waist.

“Woah woah woah little girl. You don’t want to go in there. Those naive little eyes aren’t up for that challenge.”

The voice belongs to Wooyoung. He always flirted with the girl, even though he was well aware that his best friend was with her. However, he didn’t really give a shit. He thought that she was a temporary sex toy for Yunho, and was even thought about fucking you as well.

You know what they say, ‘Sharing is caring’

He smirks to himself and asks the angel what she needed.

“I want Yunho.”

She pouts and gives Wooyoung puppy eyes. He sighs at the girl and pulls her into the room.

“Wooyoung what the hell are you doing? Take Y/N out of here!”

Yunho was throwing salt on the deep cuts that were scattered across the males body.

“Yunho, stop.”

She runs towards her boyfriend and pulls him away from the nearly dead man.

“Yunho, control your toy. She can’t just be running around everywhere. This is important business, get rid of her.”

Tha man in the corner spoke with disgust.

“Calm down San. Y/N go back upstairs!”

“No! Stop doing this Yunho!”

Everyone’s ears perk up when they hear someone clapping. It was Wooyoung, of course.

“Maybe she wants to help us.”

“What? No, I’m not helping!”

“Then watch, little one.”

Her neck snaps and she looks at her boyfriend in shock. He knows how she feels about this but still offers such things?

“Wooyoung, San, hold her down.”

Before she knew it, Wooyoung grabs her from behind and San grabs her jaw, making her look up. Yunho took the sharpest blade they had, and cut three lines down and two lines across the man's chest.

“Let's play tic tac toe Y/N. You go first.”

“No Yunho stop. Let me go!”

She struggles in Wooyoung's embrace, and San shamelessly licks her face.

“Your girlfriend’s fucking hot Yunho. How come I never hear y’all fucking?”

“What do you mean San? I fuck her all the time.”

“Clearly not hard enough. Look at how she’s misbehaving. She should be scared to even look at you.”

San growls at Yunho, lecturing him on how to ‘properly’ mark his dominance. His words and actions anger the tall man, so he punches the half dead man on the wall, knocking him out.

He then furiously walks over to his girlfriend and rips her out of Wooyoung's arms. He throws her over his shoulder and spanks her ass.

“Tonight I’ll fuck her hard enough to make you both masterbate to the sound of my balls hitting her warm, tight cunt. I would offer you to join in, but too bad I don’t like sharing”

Yunho huffs away leaving the two men speechless. He walks into the room and drops his girlfriend on the floor. She hisses at the sudden drop, and feels her buttoks in agonizing pain. She looks up at the man who was twice her height. He was so frightening and intimidating down here. She gulps and he effortlessly picks her up and places her onto the bed.

“Awe did I hurt my little whittle baby?”

She nods her head and puts a finger in her mouth.

“Go put on that lingerie I bought you for your birthday.”

Yunho’s head gestures towards the closet and she scurries off. The small girl struggled to take off her clothes and put the lingerie on without taking too long. If she did, Yunho would scold her.

“Princess are you done? You know how much I hate waiting.”

Her tiny hands intertwined behind her back and he walked out of the closet looking down. She was wearing baby pink lingerie because Yunho loved soft colours on the girl. She was his baby.

He was so much taller than her, he just wanted to pick her up and snuggle her to death. But at the same time, fuck her till she bleeds.

“Come sit on my lap.”

He pats his lap and she shyly walks over. Her small arms snake around his neck and she snuggles up against his chest, wrapping her legs around his body. Her slit was right below his bulge, so she teasingly put a little pressure on it.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish darling. I’m in charge.”

His voice went low all of a sudden, scaring the girl. Yunho grips her waist and grinds on her wet cunt.

“Kitten, you haven’t even had that lingerie on for 10 minutes and you're already soaked.”

His words made her cheeks heat up. She buried her face in her hands until he gently pushed it away.

“No hiding from daddy, kitten.”

He flips her over and hovers on top over her. His rosy, slender fingers wrap around her little throat, making the girl whine under him.

“Shhh. I’ll give you what you want. You just got to be patient.”

The bigger figure leans down and kisses the darling body. He left his marks all over her breast, because he admired them so much. Without his marks, your breast would be incomplete.

Her small fingers run through his soft hair. She lets out her precious moans, driving Yunho insane. He takes the hem of her lace panties and pulls them down. He brings it back up to her mouth, and stuffs it in.

“Bon Appétite.”

His face dips down and she lets out a louder moan. Her boyfriend was flicking his tongue on her burning but needy, clit. Yunho grabs her thighs and spreads it wider, while eating her out more aggressively.

The slurping and sucking sounds were gross but hot in a way. He was drinking all your wetness away. Y/N had gotten used to the sucking, but she jolts up when she feels his warm, wet tongue enter her pussy.

Her walls desperately clench around nothing, and you squeal at the feeling.

“Daddy! Please! I want to cum!”

His little princess kicks her legs out, frustrated.

“Not all princesses get what they want.”

Without saying anymore words he takes himself out, and rubs it against her clit. Shivers ran down her spine, causing her to arch her back.

He teasingly puts the tip in, and a soft, needy cry leaves her luscious lips. He went a little deeper, and the kitten's walls immediately hugged his huge cock.

Yunho, being a little impatient himself, remembers San’s words and action. He licked his girlfriend’s face. He said that he wasn’t pleasuring his girlfriend enough.

In fury, he grabs her hips and slams his thick, veiny cock inside her.

“YUNHO! OW!”

A yelp leaves the small girl's mouth; startling her by the sudden stretch. Yunho grabs her neck and starts ramming into her pussy. Indeed, you can hear the skin slapping from a mile away.

Yunho lifts her hips slightly, so his cock can thrust easier. He takes the underwear out of her mouth and replaces it with his fingers. He shoves it down her throat making the fragile girl choke.

“Good girl. Choke on daddy’s fingers.”

She licks his fingers clean, until he pulls away and rips her bra off.

Well there goes her new lingerie

He immediately stuffs his face in her breast and sucks on her tit. He bites on the previous marks he made then licks her collarbone all the way up to her cheeks.

His dick was still pounding inside of her until she released a final scream, begging her daddy to let her cum.

“Cum cum cum kitten. Cum all over my cock.”

Yunho flips the position so she can ride his cock. Her nails dig into his chest, and she feels his cock hitting her gspot. She sharply inhales and a couple of tears slips out of her eyes. Her juices slide down his cock, making her breathless.

The male also wanting to cum, grabs her hip and rapidly, thrusts up, making the girl scream once again. He wraps his arms around her body and releases his seeds in her.

His hips slow down, and he pulls the girl in closer. He wipes away her tears and gently kisses her red lips.

“You okay darling?”

“Couldn’t be better.”

Yunho kisses her face, neck and breast. He picks her up and tucks her into the bed sheets, then joins after. He grabs a water bottle from the nightstand and pulls you up so you can drink.

After swallowing it down, she leans her head against his shoulder. Slowly she dozed off and Yunho had whispered an “I love you” while stroking her hair.

“I love you too Yunho.”

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Ending was shit, so sorry abt that. This was also a request so I hope you liked it❣️Also realized the titles completely irrelevant to the story. Oh well

Edited🔐

Xoxo N❣️

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC II

Also uploaded to Ao3! Go check it out there if you’d like my user is margotmuses

Doesn’t follow canon, but elements of canon. FWB.

Song: Feel Real - Deptford Goth

Rating: M

Word Count: 3409

Please check out chapter one first if you haven’t already!

Taglist: @lahellacute @tyrilsnightbloom @bubblelaureno

Chapter Two: Suki’s Flip-Flop, Intensive, Very Long Day

On a pretty big whim, Sienna, Jackie, Aurora, and Elijah had decided to look at apartments and move in together on the walk home from Donahue’s. Turned out none of their current living situations were ideal, and as crazy as it sounded, Suki felt like this might just work out. Weirder stuff had happened, right? She’d lived with complete strangers in college, so this was no huge thing, really. Over the following week they scored themselves an absolute bargain of a stunning top level apartment which overlooked the classic Boston skyline. Somehow, they’d managed to convince the landlord to rent to them for cheap, and soon enough everyone started to move their stuff in.

To celebrate their gorgeous new apartment, the group decided that they would throw a housewarming party at some point in the next few weeks. Planning was immense - everyone wanted to do something different, plus finding time where everyone would be off work was difficult. Elijah had never thrown a house party before, so he was overlooking most of the planning, while Sienna and Suki did tasks such as stocking up on cheap booze. Aurora didn’t really want to get involved in the planning side of things, too focused on her studies, but was looking forward to the party all the same. She was crazy grateful to be able to move away from her overbearing aunt. Jackie also wasn’t so involved in the planning, but more out of lack of interest in making plans. After a week or so, they’d decided on a date. All that was left to do was to invite everyone. And, yeah, that pretty much meant everyone.

Suki’s mind had been pretty occupied, mostly by a certain sun-kissed surgeon who’d swayed her to The Stone Roses. Since that first night, Suki had only seen Bryce in passing in the corridors, always taking lunch breaks and the like at different times due to the different demands of their jobs. He’d wink or grin at her and for a moment she’d be completely focused on only that. Not to mention the all-consuming sexual chemistry they had with each other being sparked each time they merely passed by one another. She was continuously bothered by the strange familiar feeling she felt with him, increasingly frustrated that she couldn’t pin it down.

About two and a half weeks in, Suki was suffering from an absolutely awful day. None of her patients were looking at a positive outcome, and she was feeling utterly helpless about it all. Existentialism: Doctor’s edition. She’d shut herself away in a supply closet to be alone with her thoughts. And to cry. What good was being doctor if you couldn’t save lives? And everything felt like a minefield. One wrong move and it could all implode. Misdiagnoses were so easy to make and so incredibly dangerous, she could prescribe someone a medicine they were allergic to and make their symptoms broaden, or even just upsetting someone because there was nothing she could do. She worried she wasn’t ready for this job. It was all very well reading up about illnesses and treatments, but actually putting it into practice? Dealing with real life people? So incredibly intimidating.

Abruptly the door creaked open and Suki jumped back.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t… think anyone was in here.” It was Bryce. Of course it was. He looked just as good as ever, framed in the dark by the light from the hall. “I just needed to get some suture kits...”

“It’s fine, just shut the door,” her voice cloyed but she tried to subtly wipe the tears from her eyes.

He did as she asked and came closer towards her. Even though it was dark, he noticed the red rings round her eyes and wet cheeks.

“Hey, hey. What’s going on?” His voice was soothing and gentle, his usual cocky demeanours put on a shelf.

“It’s just… I feel like I have too much power. I pretty much get to decide who lives or dies. I get to decide which words to use to ruin someone’s life I-“ she couldn’t help it as the tears began to pour out again. She wasn’t sure why she was baring her soul to Bryce, but something in her knew he would know what to say. He stood and listened, watching patiently. Bryce stepped in so he was closer to Suki.

“If I tell someone I’ll save their life, but I can’t, how am I supposed to live with myself? How do I tell a parent their six-year-old will never see it to seven? Bryce…” she continued, her eyes were wide and glassy as she stared up at him. Hearing her say his name like that stirred something in Bryce he wasn’t quite comfortable admitting.

“I know. But you’re damn good at your job, Suki. If you tell someone you’ll save their life, and you do, how do you not believe in yourself? How do you tell an old man he’s in remission? There are so many good parts to this job. It’s hard as shit, yeah, but we knew that. It was never going to be easy.” He lifted up his free hand and ran his thumb softly along her eyes to clear her tears.

“But it’s my fault. If I fail a patient... Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

He laughed a brief hearty chuckle. “You made It through med school, climbed your way to the top of the medical interns at Edenbrook, and you really think you’re in the wrong place? I’ve seen those rankings, Moore. You’re good crop.”

She gave him a lopsided smile. His confidence had a way of rubbing off on her.

“Every doctor has their moment of doubt. It’ll pass.” He continued.

“How do you do it?”

He shrugged. “I just know I’m damn good at what I do. It’s still early days, Suki. Just let it come and go.”

She nodded and felt the desire to hug him. Lucky for her, he held his arms out to her and she collided with his hard chest, again. She still had her arms crossed in front of her, but moved to cradle her head into the crook of his neck, shifting her body so she was leaning into him. Bryce’s arms enveloped her, like a large, hard, teddy. She felt like a baby, cocooned and cooed at by the light soothing motion Bryce was drawing down her back. It felt like the most natural thing.

“Shit. I guess you are damn good at what you do,” she said. Her voice was muffled by Bryce’s scrub top, but he heard her all the same, and couldn’t help but grin at the girl in his arms.

“I told you, I’m a talented guy.”

She pulled her head back after a minute, looking up into his brown eyes, which were honey like his skin usually, but deep and alluring in the dimmed light of the supply closet. His arms still cradled her.

She suddenly wanted to tangle her fingers into his hair and kiss him passionately. Because despite the snark, the ego, the cockiness, he’d made her feel better after an incredibly difficult day. And there was definitely something scandalous about being in a supply closet together. The thick sexual tension that had been whirring for two weeks now was at an all time high. Her eyes flirted down to his plump lips, still ghosted with a smile. Her heart was pumping right out of her chest, she was surprised he couldn’t feel it against his own. The chemistry could be cut with a knife. She tightened her arms around herself as she made the flash decision. Without giving him too much time to back out, Suki swiftly moved forward and pressed her lips to his.

He hesitated at first, still as stone, giving Suki a moment to freak out – shit, he doesn’t want to be doing this. I made the wrong call - before he pushed his lips back into hers with fervent want. They reacted to each other like it was something that had been simmering for way longer than just two and half weeks. Their mouths clambered almost clumsily around each other. Bryce’s hands moved up her back and to her neck with a caress, before he steered her round and pushed her up against the shelves. A few bits of equipment fell down, but they didn’t care. Suki pulled him as close to her as she could, hands gripping his waist. She could feel his muscles move under her fingers as they kissed, which sent a jolt through her stomach. She was actually kissing him. For some reason, the idea felt unattainable and the fact that it was happening felt fantastical.

His lips were soft but applied pressure, his tongue demanding and dominating. Suki let out an unintentional moan, causing a gruff noise from Bryce’s throat, and she could feel him smiling against her lips. Caught up in the passion of the moment, and wanting to savour every part of this, Suki lifted up a leg and wrapped it around Bryce’s hip. He responded by pressing his body tighter against hers and removing a hand from her neck to support her leg, copping a feel of her backside on the way there.

Suki didn’t even care that the shelves were digging into her back. All she cared about in that moment was getting as much as she could out of Bryce. Because, god, was he hot. His kisses were practised and skilled, clearly something he’d done a lot. She pulled him closer towards her, and he removed his lips from hers to burrow his face into her neck and suck at that sweet spot. She gasped at the sensation, earning a cocky chuckle from Bryce. If he gave her a hickey, she was dead.

To avoid that possibility, she pulled his face from her neck to meet her lips again, deepening the kiss, and finally threading her fingers through his floppy hair in the way she’d wanted to before.

A loud creak and unexpected light falling on her shut eyelids indicated that the door had been opened. Suki opened her eyes wide and looked over to the door to see an older Doctor. Oh god. She knew this guy. Dr Zaid Mirani – her attending. The leg which had been round Bryce’s hip dropped immediately.

“Can you give us a minute?” Bryce asked, frustrated, eyes shut and forehead against Suki’s, not giving a single shit that they’d just been caught in the act, not even bothering to see who it was.

“I need some scissors. Don’t let me stop you,” Zaid snapped.

At this, Bryce sighed and stepped away from Suki. Suki tried turning away coyly so that Zaid didn’t see her face, moving away from the shelves to give him access. There was a deafening awkward silence as Zaid rummaged through the shelves to find what he needed, Suki looking anywhere but at either of the men in the room. Bryce’s eyes watched her, flattening her hair down on her head and smoothing down her clothes.

After what felt like far too long, Zaid left without a word. The door shut behind him and Bryce and Suki were sent back into dim light. She looked over to Bryce finally, who was leaning against a cupboard with his hands in his pockets, a humorous smile playing on his lips. Even in the dark he looked good, hair ruffled from her fingers and lips swollen from relentless kissing. Ah, shit. He looked so good. Unlike Suki, he hadn’t taken the time to refine his appearance. But, she kind of liked it that way.

“That kinda killed the mood,” he said, pushing off the cupboard.

“…yeah. We should get back to work, anyway,” replied Suki. She was hot from embarrassment, again. This boy sure knew how to get her flustered, both unintentionally and intentionally. That kiss sure had some intention behind it. It had been a nice distraction, and admittedly she felt much better, but it was time to get back to reality.

He chuckled and scratched his thumb over his chin. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all. Then again, asking a resident to leave so they could continue their steamy make-out didn’t strike Suki as something someone who was easily embarrassed would do. Unluckily for her, Suki was a stickler for humiliation. Maybe hooking up with Dr Bryce No-Fear wasn’t something a blubbering blushing mess should repeat.

Bryce walked toward Suki, and she almost jumped back, worried he might try again. For a couple of reasons: worried they’d be caught again, and Suki would never live it down with herself, but also worried she wouldn’t be able to stop at a sensible place. He was too sexy, and too experienced. But he reached behind Suki to grab a suture kit. The whole reason he’d even been here in the first place. He held it up to show her, before making his way to the door.

“You’ll kill it out there, Dr. Moore,” he reassured before opening the door, letting the light flood the room again, and shutting it behind him once again leaving Suki in the dimness.

She crept out of the supply closet, not looking where she was going and accidentally ramming straight into Jackie.

“You look a mess!” Jackie laughed, noting Suki’s scruffed up hair and creased scrubs.

Suki cursed herself internally as she once again started to sweat.

“Oh! Long day, is all. I’m only halfway through, too!”

Jackie side-eyed her blustery response. “I’ve got to get this shot to this patient. You’re lucky this time, Moore.”

—-

A couple of hours later, Suki was finally grabbing a bite to eat when she received a page from Aurora.

Suki rushed into the room, where Aurora was already debriefing the resident. Shit. It was Zaid. She prayed that he hadn’t caught her face before, that it had been too dark and she’d turned away quick enough that he hadn’t recognised her.

“Hey, Aurora. What’s the situation?” She breathed out, exhausted from speeding up there. Aurora looked grateful as she turned to Suki.

“Moore,” Zaid greeted tightly. Something told her that he had definitely seen her face earlier. He didn’t seem like the type to bring it up, though.

“Ms. Redford was admitted for a broken neck, but her blood work looks incredibly strange…”

—-

“So, Dr Mirani’s a pretty grumpy guy, but why do I feel like there was a reason he was short with you earlier?” Aurora asked as the walked down the corridor to their next patient. Damn her for being smart and perceptive.

Suki weighed up whether or not to tell Aurora. It might be quite nice to have someone on her side, to tell all the awkward stories. She hadn’t done the whole secret make-out since college, and back then, she had a roommate to gossip about it with. At the end of the day Suki still barely knew Aurora; sure, they lived together, but they hardly even had a chance to be at the apartment together with their different shifts and the like. And when they weren’t at work, they were sleeping or eating. Maybe that meant telling her would feel like less of a big deal? Then again, even the idea of saying it was making her cringe. Plus, Aurora was great but she might not be too impressed that Suki had been taking time out of work to make-out with a surgical intern. In a supply closet which anyone could walk in on. And, had walked in on. A senior attending. She decided against it.

“I don’t know. I just don’t think he likes me much,” she wasn’t a very good liar, which Aurora seemed to glean; but she didn’t push further.

—-

After what felt like the most exhausting day ever - having difficult patients, a mental breakdown in a supply closet, a hot make out session in the same supply closet, being caught by her attending, and then having hours more of gruelling work – Suki threw herself onto her bed dramatically. It felt like her whole body, including her internal organs, was on fire. She eventually got up to change into her pyjamas, clean her face, and brush her teeth. There was a knock on her door. She opened it to reveal it was Elijah.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, it looked like he’d been home a while. Suki was happy to see him nonetheless.

“Just winding down after work, you know.”

“Yeah, today was a long one,” he added awkwardly.

“Tell me about it.”

He seemed like there was something he knew, or wanted to say, but didn’t.

“Movie?” Elijah asked.

“Sure, I might pass out though.”

She followed Elijah to the sofa and let him load up Netflix. She pulled off the fluffy blanket from the arm and snuggled into the crook of the sofa, next to Elijah’s chair. They put on a classic romcom and settled in to watch it, everyone else either asleep or working. Suki and her other roommates had become close quickly, but she still felt she wanted to bond more with them, get to know them better. She truly loved each one of them, and they each had their own personal qualities which enriched the group.

“So-“ Elijah finally came out with about a quarter of the way in, only to turn and see Suki had passed out.

Elijah tucked her in on the sofa and shut the TV off so she wouldn’t be disturbed. He would have to talk to her again another time. He wheeled away into his own bedroom.

—-

Around an hour later, Suki woke with a stir, taking a moment to recognise her surroundings. She must’ve fallen asleep here, and she noticed how she was tucked into the blanket. Elijah. How was she ever going to bond more with her flat mates If she couldn’t even stay awake to watch a movie with them? She sighed, folding up the blanket to place on the sofa arm again, and made her way into her own bed.

In the dark of the night, Suki’s thoughts wandered to Bryce’s lips on hers, his hands on her neck, his lips on her neck, his body close to hers…

She thought about that smirk and that laugh, the way his hair felt under her fingers, his taut stomach muscles under her hands. The way he tasted clean, faintly minty, the smoothness of his lips on her own. The feeling of her leg wrapped round his hip. If Zaid hadn’t interrupted when he had, Suki wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to stop. Truthfully, it had been a while since she’d slept with anyone, and a while since she’d actually been so sexually attracted to someone.

But she tried not to think about it. He’d helped her out of a tight spot earlier, and she’d thanked him. Now, she would have to put in all her effort to be a better doctor. Not try to sleep with the other interns. No matter how sexy their body and face and demeanour was. She wondered why he’d been so kind to her, taken the time to reassure her and validate her thought. Perhaps just a ploy to get that kiss, or something more, but Suki wasn’t really sure she cared if it had been. Even so, he’d seemed genuine. She supposed he was a doctor after all, helping people was second nature to him.

Come to think of it, the way they’d kissed in the supply closet struck that odd feeling in her again. How did she know him? Did he know her? Was she just superimposing someone else on to him to make him more appealing to her carnal desires and more of a mystery to solve? Maybe it was that if she let herself get hung up in this completely farcical idea, she could ignore what she was really thinking about deep down: her failures as a doctor.

So, maybe she didn’t know Bryce at all. She just liked how he looked and wanted there to be something. They say if you desire something, it pops up everywhere. So, those feelings of déjà vu, maybe they were all in her head. Or maybe she was just spiralling, after the ridiculously lengthy and eventful day. Her eyelids started to drop unintentionally. Maybe she would think about this tomorrow, instead…

[bjy-on-ao3]

Reader is a noob sexually (and her body is sensitive), is a shy introvert, and is a bit petite. She and Adachi have become lovers recently. One evening after Adachi comes back from work he finds reader in his apartment horny and turned on. She begs him to relieve her. I'd love if it had dirty talk, degradation, some biting, and rough sex. Omg please please please

(As usual, you can find the AO3 version of all my uploads [and some things I don’t post here to tumblr] via my Masterlist blog page.)

This checks off most of the boxes for the request if I understood it correctly. Also, I don’t really think Adachi would be the type to give someone a key to his place, but the alternative is ‘Reader is a bit yandere and picked the lock’ and I didn’t think that matched up with this well. Thank you for your patience, I know it’s been a while since this request was made! Summary Reader invites themselves into Adachi’s apartment while he’s away at work. Adachi punishes them for their shameless, though it might just be encouraging the bad behavior. Tags/Warnings Biting, Creampie, Degradation, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Established Relationship, Misogyny, Name-Calling, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Spanking, Vaginal Sex

Mercy (F! Reader/Tohru Adachi)

“Ugh, what a crap day.”

Adachi approached the door to his apartment, feeling tired and bitter as ever. On one hand, he was happy to be off shift and not have to worry about behaving like the overly nice guy society demanded. On the other, he knew it wouldn’t last long.

His train of thought and speech screeched to a stop as he noticed a light shining from his apartment window. “Did I leave that on?” His brow furrowed as he tried to remember. It wasn’t like him to forget something like that. He didn’t need to be paying extra for power he wasn’t using.

Torn from his thoughts, Adachi was on guard now, focused on the apartment. He decided he hadn’t left the light on, so who had? Had someone broken into his apartment? Out of all those they could have chosen, the home of a police detective seemed the poorest choice. Neighborhood hooligans causing trouble, maybe? He couldn’t be sure.

He crept to the door, finding it still locked. The befuddled look on his face deepened even further. Had it been him after all? Unless… He shook his head, finding his key and unlocking the door before pushing it open tentatively. He cast a wary glance around the kitchen the door opened into. No one. Not a soul to be seen, and nothing in the room looked awry. At least, not until his eyes swept over the sliding door adjoining the kitchen and his bedroom, which he noticed was barely ajar.

He moved toward the sliding door with a long, purposeful stride, though quietly. He slid open the door with a loud noise and a flourish. His eyes widened when he spied a figure sitting on his bed that popped up as the doors slammed open. He wiped the surprise from his face when he realized who it was that had made themselves so comfortable on his bed.

“Tohru, you’re home. Finally,” you greeted. You stood there, looking genuinely glad and relieved to see him, dressed only in a loose shirt and panties. Adachi was as perplexed as ever, abruptly remembering the key he had given you to his apartment. “I’ve been waiting for you,” you confessed happily, though something desperate lingered beneath the cheer.

“Waiting for me?” He asked. He reached into his pocket and drew out his phone, expecting to see a missed message or something stating your intent to come over and wait for him to arrive back from work. No missed calls, no unread messages. Nothing.

“I...I couldn’t stop thinking about last time.” Your voice was low, meek almost, as if it were embarrassing to admit, and you cast your eyes to the floor. Adachi said nothing, feeling as if you weren’t finished speaking, despite your hesitant tone. Not that Adachi wasn’t used to you being shy, especially admitting certain things. “It’s been driving me crazy,” you finished, looking him back in the eyes.

When  Adachi observed the noticeably wet spot in your panties, it hit him what you were alluding to. The confusion took a backseat to pride, and he couldn’t help but smirk. “Oh? Is that right?” He asked pressingly, willing you to go on.

You swallowed nervously, hesitating as if trying to pluck the right words from the air before you spoke. “Y-yes. Whenever I try to go about doing something else, the memory... just comes right back to me,” you explained. There was a neediness creeping into your tone. “I tried, um, taking care of stuff by myself, but…” you stopped, unsure how to continue. Stating it so plainly was a mortifying idea.

But Adachi wasn’t going to let you off easily. Especially when you had come over to his apartment just to wait for him because you needed him so badly. You were going to fess up one way or another what you wanted from him, even if he already knew from context.

“But what, baby?” His speech had some of the warmth you heard when he was in town, in public, but the cool and alluring tone beneath it belied a very different mood.

The fake warmth soothed you enough to confess more. “It’s...it’s not the same. It has to be you. It has to be your hands… has to be your cock.” The words coming out burned as hotly as you knew your face did. “I need you, please… Tohru,” you trailed off again, the words getting stuck in your throat.

Your heart pounded even faster in your chest. It had already been screaming, protesting your brazenness and warring with your desire. But you needed relief and only Adachi could give it to you. You recalled the saying about it being easier to ask forgiveness rather than permission, but now standing there feeling like your face was on fire, when there was no taking it back, you weren’t so sure. Adachi never had been the most forgiving person in the time you’d been together, after all. But he didn’t seem mad now. Perhaps that should have been more frightening.

“C’mon, keep going. I wanna hear more about what a needy little whore you are,” Adachi insisted. The mocking tone and degrading term was something you were familiar with from him. It excited you as much as it unsettled you.

You took in a steadying breath that rattled in your chest. Speaking lewdly so boldly was new to you. Hell, so much of what you’d learned from being with Adachi was new to you. “I… touch me, Tohru, please. F-fuck me, I need you so bad,” you finally said. It amazed you that you hadn’t spontaneously combusted by now.

Adachi, crooked smile inching wider, stepped further into his bedroom, closing the sliding doors with a shuffling sound and moving toward you. You made to meet him in the middle of the bedroom, but he brushed past you to stand by the bed, leaving you looking on in confusion. “Hmm, as hot as that is, I don’t think you’ve earned it,” Adachi concluded, turning to face you.

Protests sprang from your lips immediately, unthinking. “B-but, Tohru, please, I—”

“Shut your mouth, dumb cunt,” Adachi snapped venomously. You licked your lips anxiously and did as you were told. “I didn’t ask for your opinion. You come over late at night, uninvited, without a single word, and expect me to fuck you?” There was an indignant incredulousness in his tone, but something else just beneath. “I think you need to be taught a lesson,” he said. The previously surprised and then neutral gaze he had given you had turned narrow and cold.

“W-what do you mean?” You asked genuinely.

“Come here.” The command was short, providing no room for negotiation, but that didn’t stop you.

“Tohru, I just—”

“ Now , you stupid bitch,” Adachi snarled, his patience wearing thinner. You hastily made your way back to the bed until you stood beside him, watching keenly, a light tremor coursing through you. Of fear or excitement or both, you weren’t sure. “That’s better,” Adachi said, tone much less sharp.

He raised one hand to the curve of your hip, letting it lay there almost gently, and you sighed. His other hand lifted to your mouth where he absently pressed his thumb to your lips. You gave in to the pressure quickly, letting the digit slide past your lips and swiping your tongue over it, before sucking at it.

“Now, just how should I punish a selfish little whore?” He stroked over your enthusiastic tongue, pressing down hard and thrusting his thumb further back, making you nearly gag. “Ah, I think I’ve got it,” Adachi declared, a glee trickling into his voice. He pulled his thumb from your mouth and his touch abandoned you altogether, making you whine. “Get rid of those,” he demanded, prodding at your clothes.

“Yes, Tohru, anything,” you agreed, eagerly stripping and discarding them onto the floor in a heap. Your trembling was even more evident when you waited before him fully bare, though the chilly air of the room didn’t help.

“Now bend over,” Adachi commanded, with a nod of his head to his bed. “I want to see that tight little ass.”

You nodded dumbly, stepping around him and bending over the mattress, burying your hands in the sheets. You didn’t look back at first, trying to regain some control of your pulse and the shudders that wracked your body. Adachi pressed close behind you, and you squirmed ticklishly away from the hem of his blazer and tie as they trailed over your skin.

He lay one palm languidly on the swell of your ass, caressing reverently for a moment and enjoying the heat and softness of your skin. His other hand imitated it, before rolling over and clamping onto your hip opposite the first.

“How much did you touch yourself while you waited for me, huh?” Adachi asked casually, as if it were a simple, not absolutely embarrassing question to answer.

“I-well, I—” Your voice cracked and rang out in a surprised yelp when Adachi lifted the hand groping your ass away and brought it down harshly onto the sensitive skin. “S-so much! But it wasn’t—” Adachi’s heavy hand broke your speech again as he swatted your ass a second time, making both cheeks tingle and sting. “But it wasn’t enough! I need you . I had to come see you!” You cried out, voice shaking, the spankings only making more wetness pool between your legs.

“Yeah? And you couldn’t be bothered to tell me?” Adachi seemed most upset by your audacity. He raised his hand in another smack, sharper this time, the sound of skin-on-skin resounding in the bedroom and you shouted. “Guess I shouldn’t expect a whore like you to have the brains to think straight,” he degraded in a hiss, giving one cheek a harsh squeeze.

“I wanted to s-surprise you—aah, fuck!” You cursed when Adachi struck you again, the spankings coming quicker, giving you less time to recover.

“Is that so?” He sounded unconvinced.

“Yes, Tohru. Please, I just want you, I need you,” you begged. “I ca—” The next slap on your ass was the hardest yet, ripping a strangled sound from your throat. “I can’t cum without you!” You shouted, desire and pain straining your voice.

Yet giving Adachi what he wanted was as much of a bane as disobeying. It just made him more cocky, invigorating him to torment you and draw out even more lewd confessions. “Oh yeah? And what if I didn’t want to let you cum?”

The spankings paused as he spoke, as if he wanted to allow you the clarity to take them in. A particularly violent shiver rocked you at the obscenity of his words and the thought of being left with the burning need between your legs untended and ignored. “What if I just wanted to fuck your cute little mouth when I’m done here and send you home?: He threatened. He punctuated the sentence with another hard smack to your ass and you whimpered.

Tears burned in the corner of your eyes, frustration and pain and something vaguely pleasurably smoldering beneath both. Already your ass stung and throbbed, and you knew it would bruise luridly the next day. Beneath you, despite the brace of your arms supporting you, your thighs quaked, your knees threatening to buckle and dump you face first into the sheets.

“No, Tohru please, you have to—” you started, but Adachi cut you off again with another vicious spanking.

He grabbed a fistful of hair in the hand that had held your hip, jerking your head back and making you wince at the strain of the angle. His lips met your ear, and his words made the hair on the back of neck stand on end as yet another shiver seized you.

“I don’t have to do anything, slut.” he said nastily. “You’re my little toy and you’ll take what I give you and thank me when I’m done.” He stopped, and his grip loosened. “Maybe if I feel good enough, you can even cum.”

Adachi let his fingers slip from your hair, the hand on your stinging ass moving away, too, and he shifted closer. The cool fabric of his pants and even colder metal of his belt buckle against your burning skin was a relief, though you still squirmed from the sensation. Past the press of the fabric, you clearly felt how hard Adachi was despite his angry demeanor.

You didn’t realize he had been expecting you to respond until he seized your chest in his hands, tweaking both nipples cruelly and leaving a hard bite on the curve of your neck and shoulder, growling in your ear again. “Well? Answer me.”

“Y-yes, Tohru. I-I’ll take it all. Anything. Everything,” you agreed demurely, your voice shaking along with your body. All the cruel stimulation set you on edge, rattling your words even more than your nerves normally might. “F-fuck, fuck, fuck,” you murmured under your breath as Adachi continued to roughly toy with your breasts.

Adachi stood straight, his palms leaving your chest and retreating to your ass again, His fingers snaked down to your soaked lips, spreading them open and admiring the slickly glistening pink within. His eyes flickered for a second to the wet spot left on his slacks from where they had been pressed against your slick.

“Look at you. Dripping wet already and I’ve hardly touched your pussy,” he shamed. He was careful not to let his fingers slip further in, as much as he wanted to. “What a pathetic little whore,” he spat out, and you made a soft, desperate sound that only confirmed his words.

“You should be happy I don’t just leave you high and dry right now,” Adachi supplied, as if you ought to thank him for his mercy. But I’ve had a long day and I could use the relief. So consider yourself lucky.”

His touch abandoned you again altogether, and you heard the distinctive sound of his belt buckle clinking, coming undone, and the rustle of his slacks as he disposed of them. Adachi let himself indulge finally in the wetness pooled between your thighs, seeping down them. He slid two fingers easily between your lips, gathering the fluid there and making an appreciative noise as it glistened on his fingers. He raised his fingers to his lips, quickly cleaning them before pressing himself up against your ass.

You winced, the skin still stinging, but you couldn’t help but feel excited all the same at the touch of his hot, bare skin on yours. You cried out again when Adachi grabbed your sore cheeks in both hands, kneading savagely. He thrust himself between your pussy lips, but not inside, coating his cock with your essence. You gave a soft moan, a mixture of hurt and relief, and whimpered pitifully. His cock was so close to where you wanted him, yet with the mood he was in, you wondered if Adachi intended just to antagonize you.

One indecisive hand moved away and back to your chest, pinching a nipple so hard more tears sprang to your eyes and you let out a gasp. “Aaah, Tohru, that hurts,” you complained in a wavering voice strangled by tightness in your throat.

“Good. Maybe it’ll teach you something,” he said, a mean, husky undertone of excitement edging into his voice. “Next time you touch yourself, thinking about me, you tell me,” he warned, bucking his hips and sliding slickly through your lips again.

The tears broke, rolling over your cheeks, feeling cool in contrast to your burning face. “Yes, yes, I swear I will next time, Tohru. I swear,” you promised. Anything to end your punishment and persuade Adachi to bury himself in the needy place he was already so close to. But he wanted to be crystal clear you understood.

“You wait until you’ve got my permission before you come barging in here,” he started. “I’ll fuck your brains out when I want. You’re my shameless whore to use when I want to get off. Have I made myself clear, baby?” There was that gentle term of endearment, mixed in again with the mean names. And yet it felt the most biting of them all.

You nodded your head frantically in compliance, biting your lip and fighting back the sting and the desperate need assaulting your nerves. It wasn’t enough to satisfy Adachi though, and he prompted you to speak by once more by squeezing your ass and your chest sharply. You nearly yelled your answer, obeying the ache, “Yes! I-I’ll only come over when you want me.”

That seemed to be enough. “Good. Now that we’ve got that cleared up and you’ve got me all worked up…” Adachi stopped, pressing his cock more firmly against your dripping heat to emphasis the effect you had on him, “I think it’s time I fucked that needy cunt of yours.”

“Please…” you whined in a pitiful, breathy tone. Despite all the torment, the crude names and rough treatment, you craved him.

Adachi moved against you roughly, cock slipping through your folds again until the thick head pressed against your entrance. He didn’t bother taking his time or savoring the stretch, entering you, fast and rough, all at once. You groaned and shuddered again, the need burning higher the satisfying relief of feeling him hot and hard inside you. You whimpered his name, fisting the sheets tighter and arching back into him.

When he drew back, taking the wonderful fullness with him, you could have cried all over again, but you weren’t left wanting for long, and he slammed back home and filled you to the brim. The motion repeated, his hips rocking against yours carelessly, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, melding with obscene, wet noise from your cunt and the raspy, shaky moans pouring from your mouth. Adachi’s low groans and numerous swears under his breath  joined your voice as he pushed himself as far as he could go, relishing in the soft heat clenching around his cock.

“Shit, you’re so goddamn tight. Did you need my cock this bad?” He groaned, giving one ass cheek another light slap. It was enough to make you gasp and squirm again, but not nearly so hard as your punishment before.

Eventually his other hand joined its twin on your breasts, filling both palms greedily and toying with the nipples. He leaned down, pressing his clothed chest into your back so he could drive himself even harder into your cunt and bite harshly at your shoulders and neck. His growling, excited words were closer now, adding to the fire bubbling in your belly under your skin.

“Pathetic… needy… little… bitch.” His words were broken, interrupted by pants and the force of his hips each time he bucked into you. You moaned louder, your cunt clamping down even more around him at the humiliating words. “Is this what you’ve been waiting for? To be used like a worthless little cock sleeve?” He degraded, his pace slowing, but not the force behind it, his words coming out lower, clearer.

He didn’t need to spur you to answer this time, not with his hands kneading your chest and his cock filling you up over and over so deliciously, making the knot in your gut tense and heat.

“Aaah, y-yes! It’s amazing,” you breathed, voice wavering but thick with the arousal that made you feel near mindless. “You feel so, so good,” you continued, the praise catching in your throat as Adachi touched something inside you that felt especially good.

“Such a good little slut.” The depraved praise was just another catalyst for the fire in your abdomen that strung your body tight. But in it you could hear the way your body affected Adachi as well. A strain dawned in his voice, and his breathing became more ragged. “Tell me, baby, does a fuck toy like you deserve to cum?”

“O-only if you, fuck , want me to, Tohru,” you nearly purred, and Adachi stiffened even more within you at how unexpectedly easily you responded that time.

“That’s right,” he confirmed, picking up his pace, until each deep, hard thrust rocked ythe bed and the frame groaned in protest.

Your mouth fell open, each moan and whimper and gasp coming out full and unimpeded, raising in pitch each time Adachi’s hips pressed flush against yours and his balls slapped against the backs of your thighs.

“Shit. You sound so fucking hot.” The strain in Adachi’s voice was clear as a bell now, and you knew he was close, even distracted by your own pleasure. “I’m gonna fill up that shameless cunt of yours,” he promised bawdily.

“F-fuck, please, Tohru, I-I want your cum.” You surprised yourself with how filthy the words sounded as they fell past your lips, but your face and body could warm no further with embarrassment.

When his rhythm stuttered, Adachi reached one hand down from your breasts, fumbling but quickly finding your swollen clit and rubbing feverishly as his heavy, panting breaths fanned over the back of your neck. Already so overstimulated, it didn’t take long before the tantalizing stroke of Adachi’s fingers burst the coil of heat in your gut and sent you over the edge.

Your cries peaked so loud, you were sure the neighbors nearby could hear, but with the waves of molten pleasure webbing out from your core, you had no mind to care. No mind to be even more humiliated. Adachi’s fingers didn’t stop as you met your climax, and tears ran down your cheeks again; though you weren’t sure if they had ever really stopped. This time, it was from the touch of his fingers and stroke of his cock, quickly becoming overwhelming and almost unpleasant, despite the way your cunt contracted around him and the volume of your moans.

The eager, constant clench of your cunt around his length seemed to be the last push Adachi needed. A positively feral sound met your ears as Adachi stiffened against you, his cum filling you in thick, hot spurts that made you feel even more full. “Fuck, take it all, you dumb slut,” he growled, voice wild and husky as he pumped into you

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chanted, your voice quiet when compared to the sound of your moans.

At last, Adachi’s hips went still, and his fingers on your clit halted, pulling away and wiping the sticky slick coating them onto your thigh. You panted heavily, eyelids fluttering as you strove to keep them open, and you heard Adachi panting as well. There was a pause where neither of you said anything, bent only on the afterglow and regaining your breath.

“Well, what do you say?” Adachi asked expectantly. “C’mon, speak up. I’m sure even a dumb bitch like you can remember.” Though his words were cruel, his tone had mellowed, sounding more exhausted than harsh or demanding.

“T-thank you, Tohru. Thank you for fucking me… a-and for letting me cum,” you mumbled. Your face had cooled while you recovered, but with those words it was on fire all over again.

Satisfied, Adachi pulled out, and his cum leaked down your thighs in the absence of his cock. He stepped away, and you remained bent over his bed, until finally you thought yourself steady enough to stand straight. You turned to look for your clothes - including those you had discarded before Adachi had arrived back - but a hand on your shoulder stopped you.

“Oh, don’t bother getting dressed, baby. You’re not going anywhere,” he informed you, giving you a light push so that you tumbled back onto his bed.

“B-but I thought— don’t you want me to leave?” you asked in confusion. More often than not, when Adachi was in that sort of mood, he wanted you gone afterwards.

“Not after your little stunt,” he said, shucking off his jacket and hanging it up, before taking off his tie and dress shirt, folding them surprisingly neatly in a stack. “You’re going to stay over and make it up to me again in the morning before work,” Adachi decided, coming back to the bed.

“You didn’t think just that was enough, did you?”

[gauntie-o-dimm]

Andrew Milton | Toxic

You’re just a hostage in the Pinkerton’s plan, the Van Der Linde gang will certainly come looking for you. Andrew Milton will never be lured into your little pleasure trap. At least, that’s what he likes to think.

Word count: 2900+ Warnings: Smut, swearing, choking, hate sex

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Your head was practically drumming in pain as you regained consciousness. Every beat of your heart seemed to slam into your skull, crushing your brains. The side of your face felt warm and sticky.

Slowly, you managed to open your eyes, taking in your surroundings. Immediately, you noticed your own discomfort, body slouched against the wall in an awfully unnatural position, cold stone practically digging into your spine. You tried to shift, soon met by the sound of jingling chains that bound your wrists above you, chafing your skin with every movement.

You gritted your teeth as memories rushed back to you. The deal, the perfect plan to fetch the money from Blackwater, and then, a trap. You had been knocked out by something undeniably hard - the handle of a gun, perhaps? The darkness that had followed was in that case far from welcoming.

And now, you were taken prisoner, as it appeared. Would Dutch come looking for you? Hell, if he didn’t, Arthur most certainly would. Still, you had no idea what had happened otherwise than the failure of the plan, Dutch’s plan. One of his fucking magnificent plans. You rolled your eyes in annoyance.

The creaking of hinges made the hairs of your neck stand on end. You hadn’t even noticed the door in the corner of the room, the frame now revealing a man that you had never despised as much now.

“Mr Milton.” you mockingly greeted, voice dripping with venom. Said man entered the room, stepping closer and now you saw two other men that had joined him. They carried rifles and on their hips, revolvers. If you were to escape, you had no chance of survival.

“Miss (L/n), if I recall correctly. Or (Y/n), but that would take away all of the professionalism.”

“What the fuck happened? And what do you want from me?”

Milton chuckled, shaking his head. “Dutch van der Linde will certainly come searching for his little damsel in distress. I know what you mean to those bastards. It’s just a matter of time before we can pump ‘em full of lead on our own grounds.”

“They’re not as stupid as you are.” you taunted as he approached, his eyes boring into yours coldly, as if he was trying to see right into your soul. The gesture made shivers run down your spine. “Really, detective. I am thoroughly offended that you think that Dutch van der Linde is stupid enough to get me out of here.”

An icy stare was all you got, Andrew Milton unfazed by your words. He waved his hand to his men to leave the room, and they closed the door behind them. “Listen, Miss (Y/n).” he began, cracking his knuckles while he stepped in front of you, noses nearly touching. He reeked of cigarettes and cologne - you were embarrassed to admit to yourself that he smelled quite nice - wait, what were you even thinking? This man would kill you without a second thought while you pondered over the pleasantness of his scent - that was something that you really didn’t want.

“Dutch van der Linde is coming to save you and there is nothing you can do to stop him. Once he’s dead, well... I will most certainly enjoy killing you, after.”

“Why don’t you just kill me right now?” you questioned, eyes narrowing as you studied his face. Despite being a son of a bitch, you had to admit that the man carried a certain charm, something intimidating in a way that you had never seen before. It caused you to clench your thighs together, much to your dismay.

“Well, Miss (Y/n).” he muttered, his gloved hand touching the side of your face, an immediate sting searing through your head. “Word like that goes out way too fast. The whole trouble we went through will be for naught if Dutch called wind of your unfortunate death.” As you flinched away from his prodding into your wound, he tutted. “That’s a nasty wound you got there, Miss (Y/n). Too bad it will make a permanent scar on that pretty face of yours.”

A confident grin spread over your face. “You callin’ me pretty, huh? And you keep referencing to me as Miss (Y/n), not just (Y/n). If I didn’t know you this heartless, I’d say you have a thing for me.”

A humorless smile spread over his chapped lips, his face moving closer to yours. “And what if I did, huh? It isn’t like you can stop me from doing whatever I want to you.”

You grinned a little, leaning in closer to his face, as if you were about to kiss him. “Mr Milton, I had no idea you were able to feel things like that!”

The first strike he hit across your face was nearly painless, but the second slap he delivered was right upon your wound, causing you to hiss in pain and the previous thudding of your head to temporarily continue.

“You like it rough, huh?” you said with a chuckle, “When was the last time you fucked something else than your own fist?”

He sucked in his pockmarked cheeks, looking at your with eyes full of fury. “Oh, I am going to enjoy torturing you, (Y/n).” You widened your eyes in fake surprise, bottom lip pouting in a way to mock him. “No Miss this time? That’s no fun.” you murmured, “But I had never expected an asshole like yourself to be into that kind of stuff. Tell me, does it make your prick hard if you treat women like that?”

“You better shut the fuck up.”

“Make me.” you mused, well aware of the sexual tension that sentence held. You had seen your fair share of men in your life and you recognized the twisting face of Andrew Milton to contain confusion, anger, but all the more interesting: lust.

And thus you batted your eyelashes - if you were going to hang in here for a while longer, you might as well have some fun, and the whole idea of a man like Andrew Milton himself mustering such things towards you, well... It didn’t relieve you of the aching in the pit of your stomach.

“You are an odd lady, Miss (Y/n).” Milton spoke, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, his eyes flickering to your lips for a moment. “First you call me miss, now you call me a lady... Really, what am I to you, Mr Milton?” You were able to bring up your leg enough to softly run your bare foot along the side of his calf, enough to make the man in question let out a groan of frustration.

He shot forward, grabbing you by the collar of your shirt. You whistled through your teeth in an attempt to humor him, but you would lie if you’d say that the entire scene taking place didn’t turn you on - you were soon imagining yourself against the wall, his body against you until you were both sweaty and at a loss for words.

“You are...” Milton paused, studying your face from up close. Something stirred in his expression, something way calmer than you had ever seen him become. “You are a devil with the face of an angel, a bloody villain with eyes like heaven... Your soul is as dark as the desire you spark within me.”

You withheld with every fiber in your being from laughing pitifully, knowing that the man was serious - Milton always was. You and the gang had learned the hard way that this man was not to be messed with - but the last thing he said drummed within your skull like the headache that had been there for quite some time now.

You opened your mouth to say something, but the Pinkerton agent mistook it for something else - before you could comprehend what was going on, his tongue had already slipped past your lips, the taste of tobacco and whisky soon mixed with your saliva, the urge to fight soon dying down, the wish to kiss him back starting to grow immediately.

What you were doing was wrong, that you knew. But how could something wrong feel so damn good. Andrew’s hands were soon around your cheeks, tilting your face so he could delve in deeper and he tasted you with a hunger that made you realize that this man had been a long way from being loved, touch-starved to put it in other terms. The soft moan that escaped you was not helping to calm him down, either.

Whatever went through Andrew Miltons head was unknown to you, apart from that you were probably doing something right to turn him on - he nudged your legs apart with his knee and immediately put some pressure on the aching, searing hot spot in between. You whimpered against him, not only from the friction, but also from the lack of oxygen you soon began to feel. The man kissed you with such fury that he completely disregarded of your need to breathe.

And with every passing second, the thought of what you were doing faded away in a pool of pleasure. For a moment, you completely forgot you were imprisoned by this man, but the jangle of the chains as you tried to move your hands pulled you out of this blissful state. For the first time since he pressed his face to yours, Milton pulled back, an involuntary gasp leaving your lips as he did so.

“Unshackle me?” you said with a pout, gaze momentarily falling to his groin, that was obviously growing in his pants. His lustful eyes flickered to anger again, as if he just now realized what was going on. He gathered himself, taking in fiery breaths, brows knitting together in that same strict way they often rested upon you, or Dutch, or anyone from the gang for that matter. He radiated hate and fury.

“You fucking demon. You put a spell on me, didn’t you? Trying to glamour me, mend me to your will?”

“I think you’ve been reading too many fairy tales, Mr Milton.” you said with a smirk. “If I was a demon, you’d be long dead. For what it’s worth, I wish I was a demon right now, so I could take that handsome head of yours off your shoulders.”

As if he hadn’t struck you enough, he slammed the back of his hand against your cheek again, his teeth gritting as he eyed your unfazed reaction. “You fucking bitch! I should kill you right now!” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Then I suggest you go right ahead. But who is going to take care of little Andrew Jr, then?” You eyed at his erection. Milton was seething, face beet red and you could’ve sworn you saw a vein throb in his neck. Hm, how would he react if you pressed your lips against it?

Words seemed to fail the Pinkerton agent for once. “That’s what I thought, detective.” you murmured, pulling the man from his state of confusion. Milton spat: “You are only allowed to refer to me by my last name.”

“Or what?” you taunted, “Are you going to punish me?”

With a groan, he smashed his lips onto yours again, teeth clashing together in the roughness of the kiss, but you didn’t mind at all. He was quick to pull your pants to your ankles, leaving you butt-naked, shivering against the coldness of the prison tiles. You were able to shimmy one foot out of the trousers - that would be enough for now, anyways.

A gloved hand made its way in between your thighs and made you shiver as he gathered some of your sinful excitement on the rough material. Your confident posture was fickle now, knees soon bucking at the friction. “Look at you.” Milton darkly murmured, “Such a needy whore.” He pressed painfully against your clit, but you regained your composure and braced yourself against his fiddling. You wouldn’t fall to him, you told yourself.

But it would be a scene full of lies and deceit, you figured as Milton pushed you up against the wall, the shackles around your wrists causing the skin to break. There would be no love behind the thrusts he would make into you, there would be no sweet whispers or an afterglow. You didn’t give a fuck about it, either. All you needed was to ease the desire of your painfully aroused core, and a piece of Andrew Milton left in you. Who knew what you could do in the future after having such intimacy?

With one hand, Milton undid his belt, and his pants, and they were soon around his ankles, pooling at his boots. You licked your lips at the sight of his erection. Men with big mouths like him usually had tiny pricks, but you figured Milton was an exception. Sure, you’ve had seen bigger, but you swallowed in anticipation nevertheless.

He made no time for assuring, nor for small talk or foreplay, soon nudging the head of his cock in between your labia, coating his length with your slick. You were surprised at the sound that left his lips as soon as he pushed into you, rolling his hips in till the hilt until you felt the dark curls on his lower abdomen brush the sensitive bud hidden between your folds. You chewed the inside of your cheek at the scratch.

Your bodies fit together quite nicely, you ironically thought. The cold feeling of the wall behind you alongside the heat that came from the detectives body left you wanting more in no time. Tiny beads of sweat covered Milton’s forehead as he held you against the hard surface, pumping in and out of you with rapid speed.

The least thing you had expected him to do was to wrap his fingers around your throat and squeeze, causing you to gasp; or at least try to. The chains that bound you jangled as you tried moving your arms, slight panic washing over you as you realized that this man could literally fuck you until you were dead right here and now with no direct consequence.

The fear in your eyes seemed to egg the man on, encouraging him to only pound harder. The slap of skin against skin echoed, but he didn’t seem to mind, only grunting and panting until he opened his stupid mouth to speak.

“You’re looking so obedient right now, like a fucking dog. Fuck, the way you clench around me. I can snap your neck right now.”

You spat in his face, saliva dribbling down your chin. “Fuck you.” you sneered in between gasps for air, your vision becoming blurry.

“You are, right Miss (Y/n)? I wonder what Dutch would do if he found out about this. I would have so much fun seeing you all turned against each other.”

You struggled to breathe even more and you began to see stars. Lips turning blue, just like the spots in your neck where he was squeezing. The chains were noisy in the harshness of his thrusts and you pondered if anyone would come check up on this whole scene before you would slip into unconsciousness.

“It would be a sight to see, witness Mr van der Linde put a bullet in your skull like the treacherous bastard he is, betraying his own family, and then, I can kill him as well. Two birds with one stone... But to see that--”

He released your throat, causing you to heave for oxygen, lungs burning at the sensation of fresh air.

“--I need you alive.”

His now-free hand chose to tug your bare leg over his hip instead, allowing him to ride himself into you at another angle. This nearly caused you to lose your mind once again, but in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Whom was really controlling whom, you wondered.

And in the building of tension and unexpressed emotion, you felt an orgasm begin to form in the pit of your stomach. It began at your lower abdomen, soon spreading to lower regions. You just hoped Milton would be merciful enough to let you reach it.

But would you be able to lie to yourself? Milton was ruthless, unable to feel empathy, or anything for that matter.

Unannounced, he thrust his hips upwards in one final jolt, his length throbbing inside of you as you felt him spill himself into your depths. He grunted through gritted teeth, and as soon as his high was over - short but intensely - he pulled out of you, releasing your body like you were some kind of animal he had accidentally touched.

You swallowed your whimper at the loss of contact, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. Needless to say, you immediately felt filthy, not able to clean yourself off of him. The pleasure that had been pulsating through you faded like a thin layer of snow in the searing sun.

Andrew Milton was still panting as he reached for his trousers, putting them on again, disregarding your climax completely.

“You know, Miss (Y/n).” he stated, looking you firmly in the eye as he hoisted your pants up again, gaze as cold as it had been before, as if he hadn’t just emptied himself within you. “I certainly hope Dutch will wait getting you out of here for another day or what. After all, what harm can it do?”

He tipped his hat, his stupid bowl hat, and turned to leave the room, abandoning you utterly bothered and angry.

“Get the fuck back here, Milton!” you screamed, hatred welling up in your chest like it had been pierced with an iron bar. “Finish what you fucking started!”

It was no use, you knew. Maybe, just maybe, next time...

[merlivystories]

not over, never over (trixya)

Just a short fic about one particular friendship that overcomes the struggles of addiction created with help of my humble imagination and inspired by Trixie & Katya. Enjoy! xx

Trixie’s life has been pretty much the same for the past few months. He would go on tour, do shows, perform his music on stage, make instagram posts and tweet from time to time, receiving nothing but waves of admiration and love from the fans. His life has been the same, except for one piece missing. It felt like he had one piece of a puzzle gone and it’s absence spoiled the ability to fully enjoy the process since he wasn’t able to see the whole picture anymore. That would cause him to forget words to his own songs, cry in almost every dressing room in every city on the tour, constantly make spelling mistakes or leave out words on social media. The craving was slowly ruining him from the inside, sucking out his energy, keeping his mood down and his heart aching. That missing piece was, of course, one particular russian high-class whore - Katya, also known as his madly insane but utterly amazing best friend - Brian McCook. Or as Trixie was quite sure of lately, his former best friend.

No one ever said being close to Katya was a piece of cake, it was, actually, the opposite of that most of the times. The man was unstable, had an addictive personality and an endless amount of terrifying stories from his past he just had to share with Trixie. He could be loud one minute and then suddenly quiet the next one, he hardly ever allowed himself to talk about his real feelings, trying to disguise truth as jokes. But Trixie couldn’t help but loved him. They were naturally drawn to each other, sharing the same sense of humor and feeling comfortable while spending time together. Trixie often wondered if Katya could see all the things he loved him for, he was sure though, Katys was aware of all the things he loved him despite of. Their friendship was Trixie’s greatest strength and biggest weakness at the same time. People around them would say they were joined at the hip, and that has been absolutely true for a few years post season 7 of Drag Race. It was almost perfect, till it wasn’t anymore.

The first time Trixie learned about Katya’s multiplе addictions was when the two of them were working together with Pearl and Fame on one of the earliest episodes of RPDR. Trixie saw something small and round falling out of his pocket when he was pulling the jeans on. Katya followed his glance and hurried to pick it up, but Trixie knew for sure what that thing was. Sobriety chip. His mother’s boyfriend had a lot of those. 

- Alcohol? Drugs? - He wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask, if the two of them were close enough to share real stuff, but he did anyways. 

- Both, actually. It’s been a year and a half. I’m better now. - Katya smiled at him weakly, shoving the chip back inside. 

- You know you can talk to me if you feel like it. Anytime, I’m there for you. - Trixie said in a serious tone. He caught Katya’s wandering gaze, trying his best to let the older queen know he wasn’t kidding, not this time. Katya just grabbed his palm and squeezed it in response. He knew and he appreciated that.

Afterwards they got closer and Trixie spent hours of his life listening to stories about Katya’s addictive past. He would listen to them over the phone, in a cafe while eating eggs with a salad on the side, while applying his makeup before the gig and in a dark alley filled with cigarette smoke he could barely stand after a gig, also in hotel rooms, on WOW Presents set, on buses and on airplanes. Simply put: he would listen to those stories everywhere. But he never got tired of it. On the contrary, Trixie was completely fascinated. Katya managed to make it all sound amusing, he has always been amazing at turning tragedy into comedy. However, from time to time Trixie looked at Katya’s face for a little too long and wondered how he’s still alive and breathing. This is what should be called the eighth wonder of the world. At first, right after the both of them just started working together post Drag Race, Trixie would catch himself being worried about Katya’s well-being and wondering whether he could take all the pressure without breaking down. But it has been a few years and Katya always rose up to every occasion, ready and totally able to entertain. And just as Trixie was about to let it go and finally breath out, everything exploded right in his face.

To be honest, it wasn’t that horrible. The older queen has seemed erratic and distant for a couple of weeks. Trixie tried to talk about it but got nothing more than irritated «I’m fine-fine, stop huffing around me, Tracy!» out of him. One day Katya just didn’t show up on the set of their «Trixie & Katya» tv-show and didn’t pick up his phone (Trixie called like fifty times, all in vain). On his way to the hotel where Katya was staying, he texted that he was going to come see him. And finally got a reply: «Don’t you dare coming over. I quit. I don’t want to see you ever again.» Trixie came over anyway, he has never been much of a listener. Katya was gone, checked out of his room a few hours ago. But he left a note on the reception: just a small piece of paper. It said «to Brian F» on one side and «Trixya is over!» on the other side. Well, maybe it was horrible.It definitely hurt like hell. Trixie felt confused, betrayed, disappointed and mad. As soon as he managed to pull himself together, he called Patricia, searching for any reasonable explanation: she told him Brian was using again, she said he came home a total mess, she apologized over and over, promised it was all going to get better after rehab and begged not to call quits on her son. Trixie had no intentions to do so. Katya wasn’t the enemy here, his addiction, on the other hand, was.

Since that moment the younger queen stepped back from the situation, put it all on pause. Their relationships, their dreams and his feelings as well. Katya stopped returning his calls for good. Trixie blamed it on addiction. Katya unfollowed him on every social media he could. Trixie blamed it on addiction. Katya’s first text to him after a long silence was about how much he hated him on the first episode of All Stars 3. Trixie blamed it on addiction. He heard rumors about Katya talking shit about their friendship behind his back. Trixie blamed it on addiction. Never blaming any of it on Katya. He kept shoving his feelings into the farthest, darkest corner of his soul the way Katya shoved that sobriety chip into the pocked of his jeans. Mostly, he could get by days just fine: not to take spelling mistakes, forgotten lyrics on stage and tearing up in dressing rooms into account. But not a single night was spent without missing his best friend, not being able to dial his number and just babble about his life, going on and on about the troubles, feeling “the weight of existing” being lifted off his shoulders slowly. He reminded himself constantly that the whole situation was way worse for Katya, that he is the one who should be strong and patient, that all of it (all of them) was going to be back one day. Could he say the last one for sure? Not at all. Making attempts at predicting things that depended on him only partially seemed stupid, but he simply couldn’t deny himself that whatsoever fleeting tranquility.

It’s been more than half of the year and Trixie’s heart started to heal. He knew no one could ever replace Katya, people don’t really get so lucky in life as to meet soulmates every few years. Nothing depended on him anyway, it was all about Katya fighting his demons and probably winning. Deep down Trixie knew he was going to be alright as long as his friend got to feel better. Thought it wasn’t easy to pretend like it didn’t bother him at all that his next show was in Boston, in a theater just an hour away from McCook’s family house. Nothing else mattered as long as he had the chance to put all his worries aside and do what he loved doing the most: dressing up and putting on makeup, creating a full country-Barbie fantasy and singing his own songs from the stage. How lucky he was to only spot two painfully familiar piercing blue eyes staring at him from the audience right before closing the show? Extremely lucky. Trixie didn’t trust his vision at first, but the truth was - Katya, out of drag, sitting in the audience, wearing skinny black jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, showing his arms all covered in newly done tattoos. Their eyes met and the younger queen felt himself being on the verge of heart-attack. Katya got up from his place, pointing backstage with a silent question in his eyes. Trixie nodded almost invisibly and rushed from the stage.

Just a couple of minutes after getting into his dressing room, Trixie heard knocking on the door. His heard was racing so fast it could totally fall out of his chest any second now. He turned the knob with a shaking hand, pulled it and there was Katya standing on the other side with a paper bag in his also shaking hand, visibly  sweating and looking extremely uncomfortable. 

- Can I come in, please? - Katya asked in a low voice. Trixie stepped to the back of the room, letting him in. - I brought you brownies. I figured you would be hungry after the show. - Trixie suppressed a smile. Mixed feelings were tearing him apart from the inside. It wasn’t right to be in that much pain and so relieved at the same time. Katya seemed normal, he seemed himself. But this fact didn’t erase all those months spent in darkness and total abandonment, without his best friend. He took the bag and thanked the older man. Katya came close to a mirror, looking at the younger queen standing behind him through it. Then there was silence, usually comfortable between the two of them, but this time it seemed unbearable. Trixie couldn’t help but wondered if things would ever be the same again, if the damage this falling out caused their friendship was irreversible or not. 

- I like your tattoos. - Trixie finally spoke up, carefully trying to defuse the situation. He caught Katya’s eyes in the reflection. The older queen was smiling.

- Thank you, Tracy. - Katya replied softly and turned around, facing Trixie and leaning on the dressing table with his legs crossed. - I’m glad you let me in here today. I would be even more glad if you agreed to hear me out. Can you grant me some of your time? - Trixie had never even once in his life heard Katya speaking in such way: calmly, steadily and confidently.

- Sure, I’m all years. - The younger queen nodded. He sat on the little white leather coach in the corner of the room and streached out his lean legs. He was still in drag and his feet were killing him from jumping around the stage in high-heals for the past couple of hours. Katya probably noticed the glimpse of discomfort on his face.

- Oh, I’m so sorry, I should have let you get out of drag first. So fucking inconsiderate of me. We can meet in the alley behind the theater in 30. Is that okay with you? - He looked genuinely worried and Trixie was secretly relieved to postpone this conversation, even for half an hour. Definitely wasn’t going to be an easy one.

- That would be great, thanks. - It came out a little cold. He didn’t aspire to sound this way, but it did. Katya retired immediately, leaving Trixie alone with his thoughts.

It exactly 28 minutes Trixie in his boy-clothes went out the back door and found himself in a pretty dark alley. Katya was standing under the only streetlight in sight, looking down intently and tracing lines with his right feet.

- Hey. - Trixie called out and the older guy lifted his head, smiling.

- How are you never late? - He asked, staring at the watch on his hand. Katya was that type of an “old person” that barely ever had his phone around, but this simple black-strap watch was literally glued to his wrist all the time he was out of drag.

- The same way you are always late! No logical way to explain this. - Katya wheezle-laughed and it hit Trixie how much he missed the sound of that awful, stupid, infectious and painfully familiar laughter.

- Well, I guess you can hear me out now. - Katya said quietly, not a trace of a smile on his face, when the younger queen came closer. Trixie nodded, feeling the heartbeat fastening. Come what may, he thought. - I came to talk to you today because I’ve been told I was ready. To be honest, it doesn’t feel like “ready” to me. - Katya shook his head and took a deep breath. He was staring at the ground intensively while Trixie was dying to look him in the eyes. - However, I believe I will never feel ready enough for this. I’m not good at sincere and emotional conversations, you know that better than anyone, Tracy. - Trixie could feel tears coming up, oh, how much he hated being this vulnerable in front of Katya in that moment. - I came to apologize, - the older man finally found a courage to look up and their eyes met, - there are not enough words in the world to express how sorry I am for hurting you, for ruining what we’ve had. I understand it’s bold of me to just show up out of the blue and expect you to forgive me instantaneously. - His voice was shaking and Trixie noticed the way he digged his nails into his own hip. - If I’m being completely honest, I can’t even promise you not to go nuts ever again. Most of the times I can control it, but sometimes those voices in my head get too loud and I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. Though I can ensure you, as long as I am myself, I will always consider you my best friend. So I kind of came here to ask you for something I knew I didn’t deserve at the first place. For you to be a part of my life again. - At that point, Trixie was dead-ass ugly crying, his cheeks all wet from tears and his nose running. The older man was crying, too. The way he somehow always managed to look beautiful when he cried happened to be an unsolved mystery. - I can’t promise you perfection, I won’t promise that. But I for sure will try my best to be a better person, a better friend to you, if you let me. - Katya reached out and stroked Trixie’s shoulder just once, obviously doubting whether it was a good idea to do so. - Also, nothing drag-related. I’m aware you can’t rely on me career-wise and with a lot of done work and money on stake, there’s no reason you should trust me again. I wrote it myself: Trixya is over. - He went silent and froze like a convict who has said his final words, waiting for the verdict of the judge. Trixie was overwhelmed with the emotions, struggling to speak back. So instead he grabbed the older man’s arm and pulled him into the embrace. Katya wrapped his both arms around the younger queen lightly, not quite sure about what exactly was going on.

- I don’t need perfection, - Trixie finally whispered, - I just need you. - Katya breathed out loudly into his shoulder, feeling relaxed and excited at the same time. - Also, - Trixie pulled back a little so he could see the older guy’s face, still holding his forearms in his hands, - Trixya is not over. We both know, it is never over. - Katya only smiled and nodded, not even trying to figure out anymore how he got so fucking lucky to call the guy in front of him a friend. 

[gray-is-neutral]

Supernatural

a fan fiction pt. 5

Dean’s POV.

Jordan and I are secretly drinking buddies. Before Cas came home, I just wanted to escape. I went to a bar to find her at the counter, getting a drink. It wasn’t very strong, but still it was a surprise to see her there.

Turns out she had her own sorrows to drown. She didn’t go into detail, but she didn’t mind getting me drunk for me to talk to her. I had ended up passing out drunk and waking up in her living room. I remembered spilling my guts to almost a complete stranger. It was such an embarrassing and weird experience that I didn’t think to ask why she was here at all. She worked in a different state a week before.

“Look, I know this looks bad,” said Jordan. “But I promise, I never mentioned it because I don’t really hunt anymore,” she said. “Why did you stop?” Sam asked. “I was never all that into it to begin with. That was more of my sisters’ thing,” she said. “Sisters?” I asked.

She glared at me. “Yes, we were the Charlie’s Angels of monster hunting,” she said. “What about angels?” Cas said. “My sisters think a- friend for mine is possessed by an angel,” she said. “I low key thought that they were fucking with me,” she said. “God, this is making my head hurt,” she said.

“Well Kelly Garrett,” I said. “How about I take you home?” I said. “You don’t have to-“ she said. “It’s no problem,” I said. “I’ll clear some more things up on the way,” I said. That was our code. It meant, I want to talk to you. She smiled. “Alright,” she said. She had this pleasantness about her. It was weird. Hell, she’s weird, but for some reason, I trust her.

“It sucks I had to meet you in such a fucked way,” she said to Cas. “Let’s hope we meet again under pleasant and not terrifying situations.” Cas looked confused at her. “See you later Sammy boy, C’mon Deany-baby, I’m tired and I need to talk to my sisters,” she said, walking towards the front door.

How did she know where it was? I pushed that thought from my mind as we went from ear shot and she said, “Clear things up for me.”

I explained to her that Cas was an angel. “Your dead crush was an angel?” she said. “He was dead, but we brought him back,” he said. “What in the actual hell?” “How we did that is too long and it isn’t important,” I said.

“Then what is?” Jordan asked. “First that you never lie to me again,” I said. “That seriously pissed me off,” he said. “Noted, continue,” she said. “And I think that there’s more to your story than you’re letting on,” I said.

Jordan is a weird person, but I’m still weirdly comfortable around her. I trust her. Maybe it’s because she’s kind of like me? “Misery loves company,” she had said one time. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything truer.

“So your sisters, are they-?” “One is a lesbian the other one is off limits. Quit trying to cover your homosexual love by hitting on my sisters. You’ve never even seen them before,” she said looking at me annoyed.

“Are you free tomorrow night?” I asked her. “I’m free now,” she said, thinking what I was thinking as we passed a liquor store.

The next thing I knew, I was drinking on her couch as she played a Bon Jovi song over the radio. “I love this song!” I said. “Hell yeah!” she yelled, taking a swig from a bottle that I couldn’t recognize. She threw a bottle of water at me.

I laughed. “You-you’ve gotta stay hydrated,” she said, drinking some water herself. “Are you sure you wanna do this? I can drink and cry without peeps here. Shouldn’t you be with the guy you raised from the dead?” she said. She was drunk, and so was I. I doubted either of us would remember this in the morning.

“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t face the guilt,” I said as she plopped next to me. “You have to-deal with the guilt before healing can happen,” she said, taking another swig from the bottle. Yes, I get my advice from an alcoholic with a doctor’s degree. Where does she get her advice from? No idea. I think she uses me to ignore her own problems, but when your drunk as Hell and in a safe environment, you tend to not care.

She made shots and said, “Let’s play a game.” “This shit is toxic, but look, it’s all bottled up! No big deal, right?” she said. “Right!” I said. “Wrong!” “You gotta take your toxic shit head on! I want you to name a toxic feeling or traight that is causing you emotions, then put that on the shot. Thus symbolically dealing with it, understand?” she said. I nodded, but to be completely honest, I don’t remember what happened after that.

...

We woke up in my room in the bunker. Apparently I wasn’t as drunk as I had thought. I was in a cold sweat. My heart was pounding. “Dean,” Cas said from the chair in front of my bed. “Cas,” I said, not startled. It was comforting for him to be here.

“You were having a nightmare,” he said quietly. “What time is it?” I asked. “Four in the morning,” he said. He sounded sad, and tired. “Dean?” he said. “Yes?” “Why haven’t you told me to get out?” he asked. “Cas, why would I tell you to get out?” I asked.

“It’s four in the morning. You have been drinking,” he said. I chuckled. “Are you still drunk?” he asked. “No,” I said. He looked at me. “Maybe a little buzzed, but not drunk,” I said. “How did I get home?” I asked. “She brought you home,” he said. “She and Sam are talking in the library,” Cas said. “How she was drunker than I was,” I said. “She said this detox helps,” he said, pointing to the large cup of green stuff on the table.

“That was, nice, what you did for her,” Cas said. “What?” I said. “She told us that she was panicking so you took her to get a drink. That you stayed with her because she was drunk and worried about her friend,” he said, convinced. “That was kind of you,” he said.

She lied let me save face. That story made her sound like a damsel in distress. “But could you call next time?” he asked. He was mad at me. I left him because I was feeling bad. Now I feel worse.

“Drink your un-drunkening liquids and go back to sleep,” Cas said. “Will you be here when I wake up?” I asked. If asked about it later, I could chalk it up to being drunk. “If you want me to,” he said. My face was warm. “Remember Dean, emotions make us human and trying to control them does more bad than good,” I remembered Jordan saying.

“Yes,” I half said, half breathed. “Then I will,” he said. He sat in his chair, but I patted the bed. For a moment I thought he had left. But then I felt pressure at the end of the bed. “This isn’t your normal behavior Dean,” he said. I pretended to be a sleep.

I wanted him to lay with me. I wanted to whisper that I loved him in his ear as he snuggled closer, but this was good for now. Maybe forever. I closed my eyes and slept until about 8:46am.

Cas was gone, but he wasn’t gone for long because the bed was warm where he had been. I got up and read a text from Jordan. “If they ask I was a crybaby last night and hella drunk. You were the kind soul who helped me. K?” I smiled. She was crazy. Stupid, but probably one of my best friends.

I walked out of my room into the kitchen. Sam quickly took out his phone and took a quick picture. “What the hell Sam?” I said. “Dean I think your pants shrunk in the wash?” said Jack. I looked down and to my horror, I was wearing a pear of black leggings that were a few sizes too small.

“So did you two swap manly stories or braid each other’s hair?” Sam asked, having a hell of a kick out of this. “I never thought my brother would be on the walk of shame,” Sam continued. “Any news on the angels that escaped the Empty?” I asked. “Jack said the ones that are a threat are handled. Those who aren’t are having a happy reunion,” said Cas.

He looked me up and down. He actually laughed. “Dean please put on your own clothes,” said Sam. “Those leggings are only so strong,” he said. “Shut up,” I said. This is embarrassing. I don’t even know how I ended up in her leggings. What happened to my clothes?

“Do you think she’ll want them back?” Sam asked. “I don’t know, they might be a little stretched out,” said Cas. They were just messing around, but this was not the best place to be in. “Back to the things that escaped the Empty,” I said. “No big bad escaped?” I asked. “Nothing we can’t or haven’t handled before,” said Sam.

I nodded, and I bent over to pick up one of my shirts when the leggings ripped. Sam started laughing his ass off, and soon, so was Cas. I didn’t find it very funny, so I left the room with my dignity in shambles in search of pants. “You might want to tell her she won’t be getting her clothes back!” called Sam. “Fuck off!” I yelled at him.

It was bad enough that Cas came to my room last night and I had asked him to stay. Now I’m in ripped leggings and I’m too embarrassed to come up with a joke or come back. Dad would roll in his grave if he knew I ended up like this. What would he do if he knew I was in love with another man?

I tried not to think about it. I try not think about Dad when I thought of the impala. I try not to think about him when I thought about Mom, or Bobby, or Sam. I don’t like to think about him. I don’t have to think about him either. I don’t have to think about the first and last time I kissed a boy. I don’t have to think about the conversation, the trouble I was in. I’m a grown man now, and Dad is dead. I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I know this is true, so why do I always feel this constant dread?

I got some real clothes on, and I walked into the kitchen. “Hey do you want to go on a hunt?” Sam asked. “A hunt? Like now?” I said. “I thought it might be good,” said Cas. “Just a small, easy hunt,” said Sam. I thought about it and said, “Where?” I asked. “Ohio,” said Sam. “People are dying from suffocation,” he said. “What makes that us?” I asked. “They’re suffocating from flowers in their lungs,” Sam said.

“We think that it’s a curse,” said Cas. “Seems worth checking out,” I said. “To Ohio boys!” I said. “Don’t forget to pack your tights!” Sam said running off to get his stuff together. I hoped I wasn’t as red as I felt and went to get my things.

[nessamaurice]

Simple, Ch. 12 (Loki x F!Reader)

Masterlist

Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.

Story rating: M

Chapter trigger warnings: PTSD

Words: 3145

12

Suddenly the door was opened, got you startled and you backed away. The moment only lasted like two seconds, giving you not enough time to sort out what was just happening.

"Hey Y/N, how are y-... Uhm, what is going on here?" Tony looked at both of you, one brow raised. He was still wearing his suit except for the helmet, like his first thing to do after coming home was to look after you.

"What? No-, nothing. It's just that I had something like a little nervous breakdown and Loki helped me calm down again and-"

"Nervous breakdown?" Tony rushed over to you. "What do you need? I'm not good at that, camomile tea? Chocolate? Weed?"

You couldn't help but laugh at his helplessness. You carefully stood up to hug him and he returned the embrace.

"This would be a lot more comfortable if it wouldn't feel like I'm hugging a giant letterbox."

"Oh sure, sorry." He stepped away, exited his suit and pulled you into a hug again. "I'm so happy you are here." He pressed a kiss on the top of your head. "You hungry?" He looked to the side and saw the lonely breakfast being untouched.

"Yeah, my broken brain disturbed us getting breakfast."

"Then we should do some catching up on that immediately! Do you want to come upstairs? Nat and Steve are desperately longing for your company. Even Thor’s here, he just heard what happened, but he got instructions to keep it cool. They would be so happy to see you. But only if you feel like, of course. No pressure, hunbun. We're all chillin’."

"I'd actually like to see you all. Am I allowed to leave this mini hospital?"

"Oh, yeah, wait. Bruce, can she come upstairs?" He yelled over to the door and Bruce appeared from behind the wall where he obviously waited for the right moment to come in.

"I'll have a quick look at her data, but I think a little excursion upstairs will be beneficial."

"Great. I'll see you upstairs, cutie." Tony shared his broadest grin and awkwardly waved as he left the room.

You felt a bit funny, so turned to sit back on your bed next to Loki. He gently laid his big hand on your back to support you. Though it was wonderfully warm it sent a rush of goosebumps over your skin.

"Alright, let's see what the machines will tell me.", said Bruce as he walked over to the monitors. "Well, this looks not bad. We got a little heart rate increase but it didn't last long; I guess that was the panic attack you had. How do you feel? Take a moment before you answer."

"Uhm, I guess... I feel okay. So far. The cuts burn like hell itslef and I feel twitchy like a chihuahua and my head swims a bit... and as long as I don't think of what happened... it's okay..." By saying that your memory was just right back but before you sank into deep Loki pulled you a bit closer to him, sending your thoughts elsewhere.

"Before we get upstairs I think you should change into something more covering."

You looked down at your body and noticed the thin hospital dress hanging loosely from your shoulders. You felt the heat rushing to your face thinking of how crappy you must look right now, making you feel dizzy. The next second Bruce was by your side, laying down some fresh and comfy clothes next to you on the bed.

"Oh, you really don't have to feel embarrassed, everyone looks the same wearing hospital clothes. ...And you got anaemia, so…”

"...what?"

"I think what Banner wanted to say is though it is really lovely to see you blushing, your blood is too precious to only be in your cheeks right now." Loki explained with a low voice.

"Uhm, yeah. That is exactly what I meant." Bruce was visibly surprised by Loki's accuracy.

You laughed a bit. "Oh, okay. Well, thank you two. I'll change then."

You stood up and instinctively grabbed behind your back to open the knot of the dress, but paused. Suddenly you couldn’t bear the thought of being naked and exposed in a surrounding that felt like a lab. You were not prepared to view your body again, your bruised and scarred skin.

“What’s wrong?”, Loki asked. “Is something hurting you?

“I.. I… can’t…”, you struggled to find the words.

“Bruce, would you leave please? We will come in a minute.”, Loki said very politely.

“Yeah, sure. Take your time, Y/N.”, he said with a smile and left, understanding he was not the right person to help right now.

“Y/N, relax. Take a breath.”, Loki softly said.

You did as you were told. You looked at the hands in your lap. Suddenly the noise and beeping of the machines in that room became louder and louder in your ears.

“JARVIS, please play some calm songs from Y/N favorites.” It was like Loki was reading your mind. And the music actually helped you to relax a bit more.

“Are you able to tell me what’s making you uncomfortable? If you want to, you can show me as well.”, he said and offered his hand.

Your view was blurred by tears as you looked into his face and down to his hand. You drew a deep breath, and hesitantly lay your hand on his. You allowed your current feelings to slowly flow over to him. You couldn’t watch him, seeing the effects of your inner agony on his face. After a few seconds you suddenly felt a bit solace. You looked up to Loki in surprise. He sat there, eyes closed, concentrating. He was sending you some more pleasant feelings, but without overwriting yours. Before you got too confused he let go of your hand.

“I can change your clothes for you, if you assume it to be easier.”, he offered.

As you were thinking about that offer, he added, “That way you wouldn’t have to view yourself right now. And be assured that I have no other intention than easing your agony, don’t fear about your dignity. I will-”

“Okay.”, you interrupted him. You stood up and closed your eyes. “Please… help me. But no Seidr. That would freak me out right now.”

He stood up next to you and softly pushed you forwards a bit, so he could stand behind you and opened the knot of your dress. You audibly sucked some air into your lungs as you felt the light brushing of it falling down to the floor. The situation was so weird. Your whole body tensed up.

“Please hold up your arms so I can get you into this shirt first.”, Loki said lowly.

You did as you were told, but you did it slowly; you felt the scab from all your cuts pressing into your flesh with every movement.

He carefully pulled the wide shirt over your body. Out of instinct you opened your eyes as your head popped out of the shirt and met his eyes. He was only looking into your face.

Concerned he asked, “Is everything alright? Do you prefer doing this by yourself?”

“No. No, please, go on.” You closed your eyes again. “I… I need you to do this. I.. can’t.”

“No worries. We are halfway through. Please sit down now.”

What you just said was a little bit of a lie, because all you could think of right now was the soft look on his face and the feeling his piercing eyes caused in your stomach. You somehow enjoyed each of his gentle touches while he carefully dressed you.

“I think you feel better now? You are smiling. Or… is it too hot?” He touched your cheek with the back of his fingers.

“What? No, I’m usually freezing easily.”

“Oh, okay then.”, he just said with a little smirk. “Are you ready? Or do you need a moment?”

“No. I’m good to go. Thank you Loki.” You shared a genuine smile before you stood up.

You took a few steps as you went dizzy and your knees got weak. You almost kissed the floor but Loki wrapped one arm around your waist to hold you. The cuts he touched while catching you felt like little hot irons piercing your skin.

"Slowly, slowly, dear! Your enthusiasm is admirable but your body seems not to be at the same pace as your will. Maybe you want stay here?", Loki suggested.

"No!", you exclaimed, not willing to give in. "No, I want to go upstairs. I want to be in a surrounding that does neither look like a lab nor a dungeon. Just... hold me. Carefully."

"Alright, who am I to contradict such a determined woman.", Loki said with a smile.

He held you tightly but without hurting you. You wanted to put your arm around his neck but he was far too tall for that. He offered you his other hand to hold as additional support and you took it. You regretted it immediately because you remembered your powers and wanted to let go again but Loki insisted in holding you, assuring you that wouldn't be a problem. You were a bit... confused because didn’t feel that much, only a bit of inner calmness. But you didn't have much time to think over that, you were too busy concentrating on not to stumble all the way long. Finally you made it upstairs and were greeted by your weird family. They were so eager to restrain themselves to not overload you but it was uncanny to see how happy they were having you back with them halfway healthy, or at least alive. You weren't able to eat much, you had to get used to usual food again, but some toast with a hint of butter tasted like heaven to you. The breakfast was like balm for your soul. You were surrounded by people who dearly loved you though you haven't been a part of their group for very long. They were talking about random stuff, having fun, sometimes encouraging you to interact but never too much. After the breakfast, as everyone had to get back to their business, Tony approached you.

"Hey Honeybun, is everything alright? Do you need anything?", he asked you, one hand on your shoulder, giving you a broad grin.

"No, thanks Uncle Tones. The breakfast was great for me but I'm so tired. Do you think I could sleep in my own bed? I don't want to go down again..."

"I'm sure we can do that. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, it's okay. I want to rest a bit so maybe we can play Mario Kart later? Now you maybe even got a chance against me.", you smiled at him.

"That sounds great hunbun.", he said before he placed a kiss on your forehead. "And be prepared to munch my dust. Loki, please escort her to her room."

"Of course. Shall we go then?" Loki stood up in front of you, offering you his elbow for you to hook into.

You were just so happy to get into your own freshly made bed with the window front right next to you. Loki was outside in your personal living room reading, but left your door a small part open.

"JARVIS, please screen the windows to a minimum but not completely, I want to look outside."

"Of course, Miss. And please let me give you my deepest apology for my malfunctioning."

"Don't worry JARVIS, it's okay. I still like you.", you smiled into your pillow.

"Very pleasant to know, Miss. Do you want to listen to low music while falling asleep?"

"Oh that's a wonderful idea. Please, play my favorite songs that are not too wild."

Slowly you drifted into sleep, accompanied by your favorite music.

"I hope you had a nice dream"

You opened your eyes just to see Fieberbrunn again.

"Good, you're awake. So we can go on now.", he said while picking up a syringe with a purple shiny liquid.

"No, no, no. That's just a dream.", you said to yourself.

"Oh, you really think that? Is that a dream, too?" Fieberbrunn rammed to syringe into your arm.

You felt the burning pain of the needle and the ice cold liquid in your veins and all you could do was to scream.

You opened your eyes again and saw Loki.

"OH THANK GOD!", you cried as you threw your arms around his neck.

"It's alright, I'm here." He pulled you into a tight embrace.

"I can't sleep. As soon as I fall asleep I'm back there. I can't sleep. I can't ever sleep again.", you whimpered, holding onto him for dear life.

"Shh, let's try this again.", Loki said and climbed into your bed behind you.

"No, no. You can't always lay there with me as soon as I want to sleep. That's an imposition."

"Stop that rambling now and sleep.", he demanded.

"Are you sure?" You turned to look into his face, holding a soft expression, green-blue eyes halfway closed.

"Believe me, I won't get bored. Now sleep.", he assured you with a husky voice that sent shivers all over your skin.

He shuffled a little closer and put one arm around you, lightly holding onto one of your wrists because he didn't know where to put that hand else. Soon you could fall asleep again, no nightmares disturbing your rest.

The days passed by, turned into weeks and you slowly started to feel more human again. Everyone was just lovely to you, which made everything much easier. You shared beautiful childhood memories and inside jokes with your uncle, you finally met Pepper, Sam and Rhodey as your uncle threw a small party to celebrate that your cuts were completely healed (he insisted to do so). Loki was so ambitious to make you feel better. You had very interesting exchanges on God and the world, he went on walks with you and every time you went to bed he followed you faithfully and you shared the bed. It was harder and harder for you to deny what you felt, you brushed it aside as a natural consequence of being close to someone. Nevertheless, you had to admit you were enjoying every intimate moment you two had, may it be in conversation or tangency. It helped you to feel less twitchy. Tony even organized you some of the coolest gloves you could imagine, they looked like biker gloves but from light linen instead of leather so you wouldn't turn too hot inside them, and just the fingertips were left open, so you wouldn’t lose your haptic. In that way you could touch hands without an unwanted exchange of feelings. Bit by bit you felt more “normal” again.

One evening you and Loki watched a movie together while the others had to go on a mission. Tony had given you his much too tight hug as always as the left and said this one would take a few days, you should not worry. It was easier said than done.

"You were right, the book is much better." Loki ripped you out of your thoughts while grabbing into the popcorn bowl on your lap. His unbelievable long legs were stretched on the coffee table, one arm loosely behind your neck, the other shoveling popcorn into his mouth.

"Yeah, I know. But I like to watch it anyways. I'm a fan of the whole Star Wars EU and well, this is a part of it."

"EU?"

"Extended Universe.", you simply said, like there was no other explanation needed. You took the glove off your hand, the caramel popcorn always made it so sticky. You wiggled a little closer to Loki's side. He was just so tall, it always left you a bit in awe. It wasn’t easy for you to accept but being close to him was the only thing that kept you from turning anxious. He radiated some kind of peace and calmness you weren’t able to feel by yourself. And you adored his scent, this linen and leather fragrance made your senses go dizzy in the most pleasant way. Suddenly you had to think of how long it has been since your last kiss. It was like, literally ages. And you missed it. Really badly. Then all you could think of was kissing Loki. God, no, stop it already, stupid brain. You tried to push those thoughts away but they turned out to be super persistent. Hastily you grabbed into the popcorn bowl without looking and nabbed Loki's hand instead. It caught you so off guard that you couldn't even partly control your empathic powers. All your thrill and arousal was poured into Loki's mind, you couldn't pull away your hand fast enough. You pulled it to your chest and held it like it was broken, shrinking visibly and turning completely stiff.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to, I, uh, did you feel that?"

"Yes I did." You weren't looking at him (you couldn't) but you could hear in his words that he was smiling.

"Awww god, why? That's so embarrassing, I'm so sorry. I think I can never look at you again."

"That would be pure torture for me.", he said with a low voice, sending once again shivers down your spine.

"Don't do that." You demanded, laying your cold hands on your hot cheeks.

"Do what?"

"Speak like that. With your husky voice. It's not... helping."

"Maybe I don't want to help in that way." He touched your jaw line very gently before the confusion left you too puzzled and turned your head to face him. He looked you deep in the eyes, which just caused the aching inside you to heat up even more.

"What are you doing..."

"Shh."

His eyes pierced right into your soul as he moved slowly closer, now cupping your face with his big, warm hand. A silent sigh left your lips as you realized what was about to happen, you simply couldn’t restrain yourself anymore, and tilted your head. Your heart was beating so loud, your mind was all dizzy. What the hell am I doing? Stop it, stop already you dumb bitch! It’ll lead nowhere! You could taste his breath and it was just mouthwatering, ignoring your inner voice. He moved already so close but left the rest up to you and you wanted to go the last 10 % as the light was turned on. You jumped away a bit, cursing and thanking the troublemaker for disturbing you. You heard your uncle from the other side of the room.

"Y/N? Are you here? Oh good. Please, Loki, escort her to your rooms, I want you to be safe." Tony said very jittery.

"What is wrong, Tones?"

"We found him. The soldier from Hydra."

"Do... do you mean-" Your eyes widened while your pupils contracted.

"Yes. The soldier who killed the rest of our family."

Taglist: @it-jinxed-us​, @humbledarkness​, @lunawitch19, @redryderdesigns​

[newbornwhumperfly]

some of them want to use you.

another chapter of my OCs. 

be warned, explicit sex lies beyond this border & its dub-con (only in the most technical sense of the word).

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If someone had told Brax a few weeks ago that they’d be ushering Morja to their quarters for a fuck, they would have smiled thinly and given them latrine duty for a week. They could not have known, when they recruited an enemy assassin into their ranks, that they’d fall for him. 

Well, not...fall.

Respect him. 

Care about him. 

Really want to fuck him. 

Enough so that Brax fumbled with their key as they led Morja into the austere but comfortable quarters, dimly lit by the washroom lamp. As Morja slipped in, Brax pressed Morja against the still-ajar door, hearing it slam as his back collided. Brax ducked into Morja’s space, hands lifting to cup his face. 

His mouth was pliant and opened wide against Brax’s lips, faintly echoing Brax’s moan as their hands roamed the hard planes of Morja’s chest, stomach, explored the lower curve of his back, brushing against the swell of his ass. The man’s own hands had settled, featherlight, on Brax’s hips, now roving ever-so-slowly over Brax’s ribs. 

Needing air, Brax reeled back from kissing, brushing their nose against Morja’s, watching him. That broad, handsome face was no longer blank, focused with all his usual intensity upon Brax, as though they were the center of the world.

That look went straight to their cock.

It didn’t help in the slightest when Morja murmured, low, sonorous, his voice that was always so quiet and restrained now snagged with a breathy desire: 

“Would you...like to fuck my mouth?”

Oh.

Brax’s fingers curl, a flex of their fists as their belly clenched with the thrill of desire rolling through them. It’s been a while since anyone had gone down on them. It’s been a while in general. 

“I’d like that.”

Morja nodded, eyes twin coals, dark and burning as they raked over Brax. They felt swell of desire that Morja’s offer was so focused on Brax’s pleasure warmed them, as did the desperation of the man’s lust. God, but they craved a good fuck. 

They were so used carrying burdens, their own and others’, denying themself, again and again, of adequate care. Let alone indulgences. These days, their sexual pleasure came last. And now, this man, breathless and beautiful, was openly offering to suck them off? Brax thought they could afford to indulge. 

They felt like a teenager again, horny and shaky, almost on the edge of nerves.

Not trusting themselves to speak, they let the backs of their legs hit the bed and sank down, spreading their knees. Morja had practically collapsed at Brax’s feet, between their thighs in a moment. His broad torso was a tight fit between Brax’s stout thighs, but Morja made his fall seem gracefully intentional.

God, Morja looked so stunning like this. So composed, so purposeful, even in his plain eagerness. Rough and knobby as his hands were with their myriad breaks and scars, they ghosted gently over Brax’s inner seam, making quick, careful work of the fastenings.

It was sweet and strange to see such diffidence in a passionate setting, Morja’s familiar behavior sharpening the heat of the moment until Brax needed Morja’s mouth on them now, right now.

As Brax’s leaking cock sprang free of its trappings, Morja brushed his knuckles along Brax’s thighs and paused, hesitance creasing his broad brow as he hovered. 

What was he waiting for? Permission? 

They ventured a firm, “Don’t wait up”, the steely, heated urgency of his voice sending a clear shiver through Morja.

They knew plenty of people enjoyed sexual submission - nothing wrong with that at all, obviously. Brax maintained strict control in all aspects of their life - the bedroom was not much different. They thrived as a guide, a firm and steady hand, and they certainly appreciate deference at the moment, as their commanding tone seemed to set Morja upon Brax’s cock with shocking eagerness.

Fuck.

Fucking Christ. 

Morja was…very good. 

Brax shivered from toe to scalp as Morja’s mouth engulfed them all at once, their length sliding down that warm throat so swiftly that Brax seized up, grabbing onto Morja’s head to steady themself. They almost apologized for the clumsy gesture but the man seemed to be invigorated by the touch.

Brax’s hips canted up into Morja’s face, the man now almost gagging himself on Brax’s cock as though he didn’t need oxygen like other mortals - like all he needed was Brax’s cock thrusting down his open, eager throat. 

It was astonishing that Morja had this effect on him. They didn’t tend to talk a lot during sex (wasn’t one of those vocal types) but right now they felt speechless, staring down at Morja’s dark eyes, lit up with a clear eagerness that defied their usual suppression.

Brax could hardly believe that they made Morja lose control like this, made him so excited, feverish with desire? They’re harder than they’ve been in years from merely getting blown and they don’t trust themselves to speak without betraying their desperate state of arousal.

Brax wanted to hold back, to make this first time linger, but at this rate they were going to climax like a virgin.

They were at that age where they knew what they liked and they’d long since stopped justifying their sexual tastes. They knew they’d be classed as boring and somewhat un-fancy, but that was what they liked. They like their pleasures quick and simple and efficient. They hadn’t had many complaints for certain.

They fisted Morja’s hair at a trick of the quick wet tongue and the pace Morja was setting yanked those black curls at the contact. It did not seem to deter Morja. 

If anything, it invigorated him further. 

Huh.

Well, Brax mused listlessly, he wasn’t really one for rough stuff but, again, not his place to judge. People like what they like. They have a brief flash of Morja at the card game, spaced out and breathless after Jorah’s aggressive kiss, blood glinting berry-red on his lip, eyes as bright at they are now.

There was something to Morja’s fervor to please, his unrelenting drive, his hyper focus and dedication to whatever he did (including, at this moment, trying to suck Brax’s soul out through his cock) which provoked an unusual urge to tenderness within Brax.

They did not relinquish their grip on Morja’s hair, so soft, so damp with sweat, sweat rolling down Morja’s neck and jaw, beads glinting even in the pale dark of the unlit room. But they did place a loose hand on the back of Morja’s head, no pressure, no force, just a solid presence and rubbed their thumb appreciatively over the shaven expanse at the base of his skull.

God, but what Morja was doing with his mouth should be fucking illegal. It was perfect, perfect, perfect.

They were going to cum soon, especially with how nearly frantic Morja’s ministrations has become. And the low, barely perceptible noise he made as Brax’s cock hit the back of his throat? It would steal the very breath of a stronger person than Brax. That little gargle, that little whimper of need, a keen of clear desperate arousal made Brax hum louder than he intended, rough and rasped like a primitive growl. They’d usually be embarrassed and annoyed to have revealed that loss of control in the bedroom but Brax supposed it was fair.

If they could clearly cause Morja to become this drunk on arousal, heedless and hot, it was fitting that Morja should see them a little unhinged.

They gave Morja’s hair a gentle tug to signal him to slide off their cock but it did nothing.

“S-stop, I’m gonna-“

No sooner had they bitten out that first word then Morja sat back on his heels with shocking alacrity, freeing Brax’s cock from that glorious silky wet heat. It warmed Brax’s heart to see someone who was clearly so drunk on desire still be so receptive to consent. 

Morja was a good man. So good. So good with his mouth. 

But Brax has no fondness for spilling down someone’s throat and won’t spend on anyone’s face unless they explicitly ask.

Sunk onto his heels, panting soft yet ragged and barely quivering, Morja fixed his gaze to the carpet, obviously trying to gain control over himself. He watched Brax take their cock in hand and licked his lips, tilting forward urgently.

“Please, please, I can--“

He was so sweet but Brax liked what they liked and shushed the eager man by sliding their thumb over his lips as they untangled their fingers from his hair.

“Gonna...finish myself - ok?”

If Morja was offended or annoyed, it didn’t show. He seemed too dazed to properly hear it.

Brax canted to one side to quietly and closed their eyes as they stroked themself to completion. This method took longer than when fucking (God, they were getting old already) but the immediate sense memory of Morja’s throat had them spilling sooner than usual, coaxing a low shuddering groan from their lips while stars spun behind their lids.

God, what was Morja doing to them?

What had he done to them already?

Brax breathed evenly as possible, trying to regain some control over their heaving chest and trembling hands. Heaving onto their side, every inch of skin softened from the release, they swiveled back towards Morja, still kneeling and now more rigid than before, having risen off his heels.

Brax was no pillow princess and had a reputation as a more than equal giver in the bedroom. 

And after a fuck like...that? 

They wanted to make Morja fucking cry with pleasure. 

They wanted see those thick arms quiver with anticipation as they gripped the headboard and that delectable sweat trickle down his whole broad body, bright focused dark eyes haze and roll with delight, his perfect mouth open and that glorious self-control slip as he moaned and writhed.

Their shifting knee brushed against Morja’s crotch, feeling it’s softness.

Did...did he cum just from sucking Brax off? A warmth, lower and more primal than before, rolled through Brax’s gut. They had to take another steadying breath. If they were a younger, less particular person, the flattery of that fact alone would have them hardening again. 

Quirking an eyebrow, Brax was unable to suppress their slight twinge of disappointment that they were not able to make Morja cum by their own ministrations tonight.

The man was now watching their face, upturned eyes bright and keen, throat clicking.

Yet the hour was already late. 

As much as they might aim for an uncharacteristic repeat performance, it was clear that Morja was tired. He’d been tired even before he had thrown himself at Brax, his body’s square angles struggling to hold themselves in alignment. Grey smudges, stark even against the golden hue of the man’s flesh, conveyed that he likely didn't sleep enough as it was.

Brax themself was pleasantly yet undeniably exhausted, the shock of their orgasm having leeched all the cricks and cramps from their coiled muscles.

So, as Morja fingered the hem of their undershirt, Brax stopped him with a hand on his elbow.

“I’m very tired,” Brax confessed softly, warmed at the little quiver which rolled through Morja’s arm at their words. Wearing out the tireless Brax with a simple sex act? Indeed. They were also surprised. “Another time? When I’ve got some energy in me that is.”

A lesser man would be peeved or even pouty, not that Brax much expected that sort of childishness from the gracious Morja and was not proven wrong when all the man did was nod slowly in agreement, eyes heavy and watchful and warm. 

He really was so sweet. 

Smiling, wide and soft, they ducked forward to rob a kiss from Morja’s pliant, wet, swollen (God) mouth, pressing as much lingering lust as they could into his lips. Morja shivered, nearly imperceptible, beneath their touch, stirring embers in Brax’s blood as they gently stroked his moist cheek with their thumb. 

Brax placed so little weight on “first times” yet here they were getting sappy from a fucking blowjob, he really must be tired. Or it had just been a really good blowjob.

Fuck, they wish they were younger and less tired.

Gliding their fingers a final time through that damp, dark, lovely hair, Brax heaved to their feet as Morja scooted back and out of the way - stayed kneeling, probably knowing it wasn’t wise to stand too quickly.

“Well…I’m taking a shower, so, thank you, Morja.”

Why were they being weird about this? They were a goddamn, professional adult and this was just sex. Not with just anybody, of course, Morja was…important, but it was still just sex. 

Nothing to fuss over. 

Brax bid a hushed good night as they stepped over Morja’s knees on their way to the washroom.

“H-How…”

Brax paused to glance back at Morja, who had risen to his feet in his typical, at-attention, pose. 

Guess the mood was officially gone. 

He seemed trying to ask, to inquire, but failing to form the words. Maybe he was trying to thank Brax back? Maybe the deep-throating had left him a little voiceless.

Suppressing a shudder at the thought, Brax took pity on him and answered the most likely unspoken question.

“We can do this again, if that’s what you were wondering. If...that’s what you want?”

Brax found themself suddenly uncertain, but their twinge of nerves was quickly dispelled by Morja’s quick nod, naked gratitude washing over his face like light over rock. Brax’s sympathy sharpened. They shouldn’t be so easily fooled by that stony exterior - Morja was likely feeling a bit off-balance about this...whole thing, just as uncertain as Brax was. 

No - far more so. 

It was so hard for him to ask for even the most basic shit, seeming to expect less than nothing from anyone. It was awful and tragic and made Brax ache to spoil him.

They smiled at Morja, allowing themself to soften more than they otherwise  might.

“Get some sleep. Next time, I promise I’ll pay better attention to you, ok?”

Even if they were reassuring, they could still leave a partner wanting more next time. They weren’t that far gone. With that encouraging tease lingering in the air, Brax smiled again and slipped into their private shower, oddly, unusually, content. 

As they sagged against the steel wall as hot water pleasantly thundered over them, Brax smiled fully to themself at their promise to Morja, not a little thrilled by the way it (and the clear anticipation of desire) had made the man stop breathing.

Next time, Brax swore to themself, they would try and mirror Morja’s focus in order to repay him.

He certainly deserved it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

i am gonna hide under a rock forever now, bye.

[sarumansorkorphanage]

It’s weird being on here again realy.

I don’t think I actually wanted to leave this plattform at any point.

One moment I just realised I had.

You see- I don’t really see myself as a tumblr person and this might be because I’m awefully biased against all of you guys without even really evaluating you.

I just asumed there were certain characteristics to a tumblr person- which I am sure the majority should have- amongst which you could find a certain level of narcissism (not the clinical form, you know, just higher levels on the personal trait-scale) and psychological issues. Or some really intense form of fandom. Or both.

So yeah- while that may or may not be true, these are the reasons why I didn’t want to be a tumblr person. I just didn’t feel I had any major psychological issues, maybe a certain tendency to fancy attention or something, but we’d all be sub-clinical on that, and my degree of fandom was in my humble opinion not worrysome at all.

So you see- no judgment whatsoever, I could even list a couple of good traits amongst which a high intellect, a certain degree of empathy and creativity (though this might be due to my filter bubble).

Now- rest assured- I did have nihilistic thoughts before and I didn’t have any suicide, self-loathing or self-harming fantasies. Not at all. So I don’t quite understand what I’m doing here, but the fact is my head seems rather troubeled and I need an outlet, so- I just felt I should come to a place where people would see me as a bit weird maybe, but most wouldn’t be either detrimental or judgmental. Even though they might be just mental.

(Yeah the pun just came and I won’t cut it because I feel it’s kinda cute.)

So- maybe it’s time to re-introduce myself. My name is- well, Saruman for you guys, sorry ^^, and I haven’t been on tumblr for about half a year or so- and actually I didn’t really plan on coming back, nor do I pan on staying now.

I am a fan of Tolkien’s work, you know- all that Lord-of-the-Ringish, Hobbity, Silmarillionesque stuff. I did use to write poetry in up to three different languages, some were good, some were bad and some I like or dislike depending on the mood, but I usually didn’t edit too much. Maybe out of a sense of self-importance and a weird grasp on creativity in art- or you can just call me lazy if you will, either will do and I’m sure I have hown all those tendencies at some point or another.

Why did I leave this place where you can get little haertsies for pouring out your sad emotions, your happy emotions or any form of emotion in any text there is, really? I don’t quite know. Honestly I like the concept, it’s utterly shallow, sure and I won’t become a great writer of you al support my lazyness and self-importance (which I actually don’t really want to), but it’s also profoundly human. It’s a little utopia. A little shire, if you want to come back to Hobbitses (and this is official Gollum-plural). This is beautiful.

All those fucked up souls and mental wrecks here, or at least those who pretend to be such get positive feedback in their actions- or even better, moral support. Which they probably can use better, for some of their striving s disturbingly detrimental and not going to help them in any manner.

If you were looking for reasons to leave, sure there would be plenty: This place is shallow and cringy at it’s core, full of pretentious little artists amongst whom I have counted myself and I can proudly say- I still am a pretentious little artsist from time to time. People here honestly think brainy is the new sexy and take a Tony Stark as an example. Yeah he plays a brainy arrogant prick, but he mostly is rich, that’s the sex appeal. Same for Loki, the Hiddleston guy.

And I know. I come just back here on this plattform, ranting a bit becaus eit feels good on short notice and actually I don’t contribute to harmony etc. right now.

Actually I might have said a few things which have seriously offended one or another person- if that is- anyone has read this bullshit text.

So why’d I come back? I’m not back in that sense. It’s a note in my journal, that’s what it is. And this is not an actual journal, it’s a metaphor for me leaving something here and probably never reading it again.

Am I a bitter person?

Well sometimes I am, yes, so have I observed. Though I do not think of myself as such. I used to be a positiv child, that is my belief and- what child is not positive at some point in its life? Most children have every reason to be positive about... things.

To the point:

Yesterday I looked at myself and realised- let me use another Tolkien metaphor here even though I am aware I have extended the privilege quite enough: I am not only not the young bright Arragorn I imagined myself becoming as a kid, but I am rather turning into a Gollum creature tacked back in the misty mountains cave off my room, with the one ring of Netflix and losing even the taste of good food. I haven’t eaten an apple in a long time! Though I had an avocado yesterday and a really good salad before that, so I think this is where the comparison might stop.

You know I did use to do martial arts- not to worry it was only for my own content- and I did get a rather appealingly shaped body, I wasn’t strong or ripped or anything gorgeous like them fitness guys bloating around like coqs (I’m fairly sure this is the French spelling, I can’t seemt tom remember the English one) on an animal farm. But I was in rather fine physical shape. And my body was... probably appealing. To some. Not the great majority, I wouldn’t go as far, but some.

And now I don’t du martial arts, I eat a lot less well than I used to- miracle- this isn’t my mom’s stove anymore so I cook when I had time and the grace to make an effort. And so my muscles are fairly thin, I lost about half my strength and it only shows a little bit, but I’m convinced in training I would soon come to realise my limits have shifted.

And that’s a bad thought.

And honestly i have two easy ways to feeling better: I could get out and do something for myself or I could get to work in here and - oh look, it’s raining, suddenly it’s more appealing to stay and studdy for university instead- but I get locked up in front of... books and series... and movies... so I don’t do shit in the end.

And at the same moment I feel this reticance... why do you care? why should I care? Couple thousand years ago and I’d have been living about half my life, so what’s the deal? And yeah, I’m 20 experiencing the pressure of puberty, feeling like I can look through the whole system including the ridiculous part that I play myself. And that’s the point.

I am hyper aware of my actions and their consequences, I am aware of other people’s actions, I am aware of a big chunk of modern society and I could now write you an essay about how to achiev in the system I live in. But I’m too lazy to care and I don’t feel like it.

So yeah- I am angry at myself. Probably. According to myself I am, so I must be right? And I know I don’t need to be. Same as...

Actually that’s a good point, I’m in puberty, I ddon’t like it, I write because I feel like I suck and I know I don’t or at least I don’t need to cause I could just walk out here and perform, but I can’t because... brains be brains, right?

And I don’t like people expecting me to do anything. And I don’t like competition either. I don’t like competing about grades, jobs, money, social status or female encounters. Which the last one I luckily don’t have to anymore, I just have to keep being myself, which I find a slightly more odd form of cometition because my competition is my self.

You know all those boys talking “Tell me about women?”. Ya, well tell me about boys. Tell me about myself. Seriously, I like when people try to get a grasp of me I used to like the part of myself, where you can’t stick me in a box, cause it’s like putting water in a basket.

“I shall remain freeee!” - And never seize my freedom because puberty forces me to take a harsh looka the manner in which I seize my oh so well accomplished freedom. Uhhh hate my brilliant brain (it’s just above average, not brilliant, my IQ is about 120, or was last I checked).

So this pittyful document of my puberty shall remain here until some company tries to get a grasp at me. Good luck trying guys ^^

No I seriously usually am a nice guy, I just don’t get a grip on myself lately, but even now I perform according to task. Or almost.

Should I check my spelling, because I just couldn’t have cared less while writing? Ahhh meh.

[curtisandlewis]

A Job Worth Doing is Worth Doing Right

Dean and Jerry

Implication of Dean with a prostitute

Not safe for work

Summary:(1,932 words) In 1952 Dean and Jerry celebrate their anniversary as a team and Jerry gives Dean an experience he hasn’t had before.

(Please see Glossary if you aren’t familiar with my labeling system) Some Things to Look Forward to:Implication of Oral Sex: Penis, excessive use of the word cock, Implication of arousal, Nipple sucking, Stomach kissing, Implication of sex with no description, Arousal, Implication of Swallowing, Masturbation: Penis, Watching, Manual Sex: Penis, Testicle Play (touching, kissing, licking, sucking), Oral Sex: Penis, Implication of Homosexual Intercourse, Pre Come, Implication of Mouth Fucking, Implication of Food Play, Deep Throat, Climax, Come Play (kissing with come in mouth), Implication of mouth fucking with fingers, Implication of Mouth Fucking with tongue  

Note: This fic was written for the seventy-third anniversary. I wrote something to explain why it’s special to me besides their anniversary.       

Jerry jumped onto Dean straddling his waist. The whole mattress shook beneath them. "I've been thinking about this for weeks." It was Dean and Jerry's sixth anniversary as a team. They usually spent that time on the road which had one big advantage. No wives. Just a big beautiful hotel suite and little Dino. "This is gonna be the best anniversary yet. You know why?"

"Why," Dean said rubbing Jerry's back.

"Because I'm gonna suck you so good you won't remember anyone who did it before me. Especially those prostitutes."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "You've been suckin me a long time. I know all your tricks."

"You THINK you know," Jerry said with a smile and ducked down to unbutton the first button on Dean's shirt. He kissed the skin and repeated the process all the way down loving every second of it. Dean's eyes on him always made him aroused. He took his time kissing Dean's stomach before he instructed him to sit up so he could remove the shirt. Jerry's lips focused on Dean's smooth chest as he guided him back down to the mattress. The tip of his tongue made circles around his peak giving Dean a preview of what he intended to do to his cock. Jerry had fun playing with Dean's sensitive spot. Licking, teasing and moaning just for a little dramatic effect. He savored that feeling before kissing down to his stomach.

Jerry held onto Dean's waist as he slowly kissed the spot just above his trousers. Again and again, his lips touched the same spot each time with just a little more pressure. When his tongue made contact he raised his head and opened Dean's pants, pulling down his boxers enough so he could get at his navel.   He came back down and had a new appreciation for Dean's belly button. His fingertips gently brushed across it.  He kissed it with the utmost gentleness and caressed his hips. Jerry wanted to take his time and worship Dean's body. His mouth made love, hands traveling up until they found their home back at Dean's hips.

They hadn't done this in a while.  Dean and Jerry were both so busy having sex with other people…and of course, their careers. Jerry had to make Dean come in five minutes or less in dark corners of the set. It's exciting to think you could get caught any second but it lacked intimacy. Yes, Jerry loved to suck cock. That was a fact. However, when he and Dean took their time it felt better than sex. Dean knew Jerry's body and Jerry knew Dean's soul. These feelings that Jerry had endless words for and Dean had none came forth when they touched each other. It was at a higher level than physical pleasure.

Jerry treated Dean as he would his own wife. He used his mouth to give Dean pleasure. To say I value you. I'm grateful for you. I love you.  It gave Jerry pleasure knowing his mouth and these simple intimate gestures aroused him. Dean stroked the back of Jerry's head and it wasn't like how SOME guys forced their partners head down to do what they want. Jerry didn't need to be forced. All you had to do was ask nicely. This touch communicated everything Jerry was communicating and he felt it in his entire being.  He let the minutes pass drawing out this moment and savoring it for everything it was worth. The steady rhythm of Dean's stomach moving with each labored breath set off more basic thoughts in Jerry's mind. His mouth left him and he reached down to palm his erection. "Ooh…it's just how I like it."

"Can we be done with foreplay now?"

"I'm the one who decides that. Take off your pants."

In no time at all Dean was naked and waiting. Jerry's eyes went down his Adonis's body and paused at his cock that stood all on its own.  Too used to swallowing him on sight Jerry could feel the saliva already pooling in his mouth. Dean's hand gripped the shaft and went up in slow strokes. Dean always did look good when he touched himself. He became an even better "performer" once Jerry taught him how and where to touch.

Jerry reminded himself that he had a job to do so to speak. "Stop touching it. Get away from there," he said swatting away Dean's hand. He stroked the base with just his fingertips.

"For fuck's sake if you're gonna touch it, touch the damn thing."

"I'll touch it anyway I want." Jerry's hand traveled down to cup Dean's balls. He held him and massaged him. "Do those broads you pay to suck you off touch you like this?"

"No," Dean said with an almost strained voice.

"Does anyone touch you like this?"

"No."

"Are you scared to ask? You would be amazed by what women are willing to do."

"I don't want them touching me, okay?"

"Okay. " Jerry rolled Dean's balls in his hand. "They need attention, ya know? They're sensitive and they need a lot of care." Jerry ducked down and kissed what was in his hand. "They need love." Jerry got down on his stomach and used his tongue to give the kind of attention he was talking about.

Dean sucked in air. "Oh yeah, Jer."

Jerry alternated between using his tongue and gentle kisses.

"Put 'em in your mouth."

Jerry smiled then opened his mouth. He relished the feeling of being down there. Then Jerry let them fall out of his mouth and kissed up the base of Dean's erection. He didn't let all that saliva go to waste and licked up to the tip. Dean moaned in response. He moved his mouth up and down and around like it was on a popsicle. When it was all lubed up his hand wrapped around it. "Have you been good to your cock?"

"Huh?"

"Do you stroke it or do you choke it?" Jerry said as it slid through his hand.

"I do it like you taught me."

"Good. I love your cock and I don't want to see it mistreated." He thumbed the head. "Do you think about my mouth when you touch yourself?"

"Sometimes."

That was a good enough answer for Jerry. He licked the most sensitive part of his cock and took him in his mouth stroking him and his balls. Jerry couldn't imagine going without that pleasure. He gave him a good preview then stopped when Dean was fully erect and moved up the bed to his side.

"You're not going to make me finish are you?"

"I wouldn't do that to you. You're hard and I didn't want you coming after only a minute."

"That only happened one time. I really wanted to fuck you that night."

"Just that night?"

"No." Dean's thumb traced Jerry's bottom lip. His pre come was mixed in with saliva. "I want to fuck your mouth."

"With your fingers?"

"You know what I mean, Jer." Dean bit his lip. "I'll try to last but you know how good you are."

"We can do that anytime. I want to give you the best head of your life. I want to give you experiences you haven't had yet."

Dean hesitated while staring at Jerry's lip "OK," he said taking his hand away.

"Have you liked everything so far?"

"My throbbing cock isn't enough of a clue?"

Jerry bit his lip. "What about the stuff that didn't involve your cock?"

"Oh…yeah that was somethin…."

"If you liked that we got the day off tomorrow. I could make time in our schedule too. Like writing in the script that I need to find something down your pants and play with your balls on live television…for instance."

"Fuck…I would take you up on that right now."

"Is it hurtin' Bubby?"

"Yeah…"

"I'll take extra good care of it."

Jerry positioned his head on Dean's stomach and lightly sucked the tip. After some time passed he stopped and said, "Don't come when you reach the back of my throat. Wait till I'm at least halfway up."

"I thought you liked when I did that."

"Not tonight. Can you do it?"

"I'll try."

Jerry slowly made his way to having half of Dean in his mouth. Dean stroked the back of Jerry's head as he moaned and called out his name. Jerry hadn't even started the good part yet. He felt his hair being slightly tugged on while he moaned around Dean's cock. Moaning causes vibration enhancing the experience but it made him feel fantastic too. It felt good going farther and farther in. Jerry stopped for a second to enjoy the feeling of Dean about to enter his throat. Dean tasted good. Maybe not as good as a strawberry milkshake. Oh, the fun he could have if one of these days he could talk Dean into pouring one on him or even better dunking it in. It was always easy for Jerry. His mouth is more than big enough and it slides right in. In one move he took Dean to the back of his throat. It's probably no surprise this was Jerry's favorite part. It turned Jerry on so much he started to have second thoughts on not letting Dean fuck his mouth. His naughty side took over. He bobbed his head making Dean hit his throat again and again. It was a gentle fuck but Dean sounded like he was the one being fucked. His hands fisted Jerry's hair and pushed his head down. Jerry was free to move and Dean's hand withdrew when Jerry's mouth moved up his shaft.  Halfway up Dean honored their agreement and came. Jerry held it in his mouth as he slowly came up and let the cock go back to its resting position.

"Don't swallow."

Jerry turned to Dean confused by the command.

"Come here," Dean's voice was low.

If it was anyone but Dean Jerry would think they wanted to taste what was in his mouth.

Dean held onto Jerrys face and their lips touched. His eyes stayed open in surprise as he opened his mouth and Dean slipped in his tongue. It wasn’t like any kiss they had before. Dean had no inhibition. They both moaned as they did more than swap spit.

They parted and Dean spit into the wastebasket next to the bed. He rested his forehead against Jerry’s and stroked his hair.  with heavy breath said “Don’t you fucking tell anyone ever that I did that”

“I’m pretty sure there isn’t a rule against swallowing your own come.” Jerry stroked the side of Dean’s head. "That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen you do."

"I couldn't help myself. You were the sexiest I've ever seen you down there." Dean said between kissing Jerry. "Uh…baby…fuck my mouth."

Jerry pulled away staring at Dean.

"With your tongue," Dean clarified. "That flicky thing you do. You know what I mean!"

"With my tongue, with my fingers, I'll fuck you anyway you want." Jerry smiled. "All you ever have to do is ask." He kissed Dean playfully like in one of their movies. The kiss deepened and it was like the ones Dean had with his leading ladies. Then it turned into something you couldn't show in the movies.

Dean moaned when they parted then went back in for more. "Jerry….Jerry…"

"You moanin or you askin?"

Dean pulled away with a serious look in his eye. "Thank you for giving me everything I've ever wanted."

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho