#cause i legitimately feel like im dying

[skenpiel]

i need to fucking go to bed nobody in the entire world or universe could ever ever ever ever ever understand how overwhelming my love for utdr is its been the most constant hyperfixation/special interest (BOTH!!!!!! AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!) since it came out i have literally not even once lost interest in it or been less fucking insane and like not to go full autistic 13 year old all over again but honest to god it doesnt feel like a single human being on earth could ever ever ever understand how i feel. like i know objectively thats not true but thats still how it feels. my insane batshit fucking autism feelings shouldnt be humanly possible its like ive been touched by the hand of the divine and it allowed me to feel more emotions than any normal human could ever survive. god god god god god god god god

[starkwlkr]

happy life, happy wife | hugh jackman

an: “you attract what you fear” GUYS IM SO SCARED OF A 55 YEAR OLD AUSTRALIAN 😭 definitely thinking about making marvel actress!reader x hugh an actual series… i have ideas

marvel actress!reader

Deadpool & Wolverine Press tour - Hot Ones

Hugh felt like he was going to die. Each wing was getting hotter and hotter, but immediately when he heard his wife’s name he forgot all about the spice.

“Hugh, your wife is part of the Avengers, how does it feel having your wife be part of such a huge franchise? Have you two talked about a potential team up with the X-men and the Avengers?” Sean asked.

“My wife . . . Oh god, I think I’m crying-”

“I can’t tell if you’re legitimately dying or completely in love with your wife.” Ryan told Hugh.

“Wait . . I am completely in love with my wife and I would legitimately die for her.” Hugh gasped as he rearranged Ryan’s words.

“Is that in the contract she made you sign when you married her? ‘I vow to die for you’. My contract said I had to give all my money to my kids and wife.” Ryan said.

“No, she’s amazing, um, if I start talking about her I think I might go on for hours,” he laughed. “Our kids do want to see their parents fighting the bad guys together. We would love to team up, maybe it could happen.” Hugh smiled.

“The entire movie would be them making out and her beating the shit out of you. I’d pay to see that.” Ryan added.

•••

Comic Con 2024

Like RDJ, your last Marvel movie had been Avengers: Endgame. After being in ten mcu films, it was time to say goodbye to your character.

But that was in 2019.

At this years comic con, you were back. The cast of Deadpool & Wolverine had taken the stage and showed their appreciation for the fans. After their panel, it was time to announce Marvel’s upcoming projects. Kevin Feige announced the Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, Captain America 4, and finally the new Avengers movies, which everyone was extremely excited about.

After showing the title card for the upcoming Avengers film, Kevin turned to the audience.

“Something people have been asking, as of late, is who the heck is going to direct these two movies?” The audience clapped.

From the side of the stage, you were nervous. What if the fans didn’t like the idea of you directing the next two Avengers films? Your worrying caused Hugh to come to your rescue.

“Hey, they loved you as an Avenger, they will love you even more.” Hugh kissed your forehead. “If anyone says anything about this decision, they have me to deal with.”

You laughed at his words. “I really love you so much.”

“Love you too, bub.” Hugh was about to kiss you when Ryan cut in.

“I really love us too. I convinced half of the people here that we’re a throuple.” He said in the most serious tone ever.

Kevin announced you as the director. Your doubt of the fans not liking the announcement was proven wrong when you walked the stairs to the stage and stood next to Kevin. They cheered when they saw you were back.

As you said a few words, thanking Marvel, Kevin and the fans, you were being recorded by Hugh, who was being recorded by Ryan.

“That’s my wife!” Hugh cheered from backstage, holding his phone in his hand.

“She’s Marvel Jesus now, holy shit!”

•••

WIRED autocomplete interview

“Is Hugh Jackman married?”

“Yes, to me, Y/n, probably to half the population,” Ryan answered. “He’s Australia’s biggest slut.”

“All the times, I proposed.” Hugh laughed. “But yes, I am married and I love my wife very much. She’s stuck with me forever.” He lifted his hand to show off the wedding band.

“Funny, because she texted me right now. Her and Blake are in the courthouse getting married. So Deadpool three was actually made so our wives could divorce us and marry each other.”

[bunnyshideawayy]

a rumored bastard and a proven, disinherited, legally illegitimate recognized bastard are not the same.

Rhaenyra’s sons are rumored bastards, i know the show has a lot of team green stans feeling bold but just as in the books, they are never legally considered bastards in the show either. they are speculated to be via their physical features and Laenor’s apparent sexuality, but since Laenor and the KING (btw Westeros is a absolute monarchy, meaning the king IS law) both claim all three boys as legitimate heirs, unless someone demands a medieval dna test, those kids are legally Laenor’s true sons.

this is apparently a very hard concept to understand for some, hell even Alicent in the show says something like “we can all tell” which fair point, but that is not proof enough. looks, accusations, and rumor are not the same as actual proof of adultery or bastardy.

someone i was having a “discussion” with used Joffrey as an example to point out a flaw in my logic, but ultimately proved my point. Joffrey was a rumored bastard. Ned himself had no more proof than Alicent does, just hair color and a hunch, so Joffrey was never legally disinherited from the line of succession. I hate to defend either of these men but King Robert never publicly disowned him and called him bastard, which is why Joffrey ascended to the Iron Throne. now the rumors did hurt, and caused huge political issues leading to the War of 5 Kings, which is exactly why Alicent and Team Green is so insistent that Rhaenyra’s children are illegitimate, they know they cannot legally or physically prove her children are bastards, especially when Laenor and the King are claiming them are true born, but they can spread the rumor and call into question Rhaenyra’s honesty and morality. think episode 8 when team green takes their chance with Vaemond to attempt a coup of sorts for the Driftmark Throne, why would the succession of Driftmark need to be settled if Rhaenyra’s sons are true born? why would Alicent / Otto need to make this decision in place of the sick king and mia lord of tides who both had already been stating Luke would inherit for years. it’s all apart of the scheme to tarnish Rhaenyra’s reputation as Vaemond has no other proof either, and promptly loses his head (both metaphorically and literally) by calling the recognized heir to the throne a whore and her children bastards with no proof in front of the whole court.

it is a political scheme on both sides, Alicent cannot prove anything, and Rhaenyra cannot disprove the rumors no matter how many times they are claimed as true born sons. Rhaenyra has to live in the comfort the law gives her, as legally her sons are seen as legitimate, and thus legally they are protected. and from an unbiased pov with both in universe and historical references, those kids might be bastards in actually but not legally.

Rhaenyra goes through hell to keep her children legally protected, not only for their sake but for hers because should the truth come out both her and Laenor would be seriously punished, i wouldn’t go as far as executed but that would depend on if Viserys was old and bed ridden or dead. which is why im making this incredibly long post repeating myself in every point. you can argue all day about Rhaenyra’s children and their parentage but i am making this to make it clear that her children are not *legally* bastards by Westeros law. in order for Jace, Luke, and Joffrey to be illegitimate bastards Laenor, Rhaenyra, Harwin, and/or Viserys would have to publicly acknowledge them as such and disinherit them. no, Laenor and Viserys dying do not magically make Rhaenyra’s children legal bastards either. they would, again, need to be claimed and proven as such and disinherited.

and at the end of it all, true or not true, the rumors made a lasting impact on the story. so much so this fandom is still debating this topic, and frankly i am dreading the season 2 release when all the bad takes and bad faith arguments start up again.

anyway other famous rumored bastards are in Targ history are:

Maegor

Daeron II

[copepods]

alternatively i might turn off gate karma requirements JUST to get into pebbles and shelter and immediately turn it off LOL

underhang going so bad that im actually considering going all the way to chimney canopy instead

[cathrrrine]

came across this screenshot of a tweet on pinterest and i couldn’t help but headcanon making it through the twd apocalypse because of a painfully obvious crush on daryl.

twd headcanon: obviously crushing on an oblivious daryl dixon.

giggling in the distance while daryl dixon is in the middle of killing walkers, “ugh he’s so cute when he does that”

kicking your feet sitting up in a tree going “hiiiii daryllllll! <3 whatcha doinnn” and he’s like “???” cause you’re legitimately surrounded by now dead walkers and covered in blood

very sunshine x grumpy coded

whispering to maggie “oh my god do you think he was checking me out?” in the middle of a battle

“does this top look cute on me?” “what do you think is his type?” “should i maybe start smoking so we can go on smoke breaks together”

reminding yourself you’re a grown woman with composure and dignity when you find yourself wanting to scream into your pillow, because this daryl crush is so frustrating and he’s just so hot and his arms are so perfect and the way his voice makes you want to climb him right then and there-

wanting to be all mysterious and cool around him but it’s like the spirit of your teenage self possesses you whenever he’s around

subtly standing riiigghhhtttt behind him so rick pairs you together for supply runs then fist-pumping to yourself when it works

rick pretends not to notice. he pairs both of you up on purpose everytime

if he helps you up, you hold on to his hand for longer than you need to, in what you think is a subtle way but everyone notices

while almost dying, “fuck, can someone make sure my hair looks good before daryl sees me? rosita PLEASE im your FRIEND stop messing with my wound and fix my HAIRhdhwhrjue”

“maggie if i pass out can you please do me a favour and make sure daryl is the one who carries me? <3 oooh do you think he knows how to do cpr-“

*in the middle of killing walkers* wow daryl!!! *slash* that was *stab* a great shot!

daryl being ultimately clueless about your flirting and genuinely just thinks you’re being friendly

carol having to tell him “daryl she’s in love with you it’s so obvious”

and he denies it “nah she acts that way towards everyone” even if he secretly wishes it was true

carol wanting to smack him on the head because everyone knows you’re head over heels for daryl dixon except for daryl dixon

when you’re caught in a herd, you force yourself to keep going because there’s no way in hell you’re going to die surrounded by walkers. in your dazed state you’re thinking “fuck this shit im tracking dixon down and im gonna use my last breath to tell him i love him”

and maybe dying in his arms sounds better than being ripped apart by reanimated corpses so you keep pushing yourself

when you make it home you basically just throw yourself at the gates and everyone rushes over to get you to the infirmary

you could’ve sworn you heard maggie yell at daryl to carry you but you’re too out of it to process the thought

bleeding out and feeling yourself fading but then you hear daryl’s voice

“come on, y/n, you’re a fighter. you gotta make it through this. i know you can. please, you have to.”

it’s a miracle how instantly that makes you open your eyes when you were seconds away from death just before that

bringing you flowers and random little gifts while you’re healing up in bed but only putting them next to you when you’re asleep because he’s too shy

him not used to the days being so quiet without you being two steps behind him

finding himself missing your ridiculous quips when he’s on a supply run killing walkers and having to fill the silence with your voice in his head, recalling all the things you regularly say to him, because it feels too weird without you

being so attentive to your needs when you feel good enough to be out and about

daryl feeling much, much better when you’re back to being yourself and the days feel normal again with you going “hiiiiii darryyylllll <3”

carol: she’s in love with you.

daryl: she ain’t. stop it.

carol: fine! but you can’t deny you’re in love with her

whole thing is very reminiscent of a high school crush; innocent, bashful, endearing. everyone’s so entertained by The Daryl and Y/N Show

they have a bet going on to see who asks who out first

daryl asking maggie if what carol tells him is true, trying and failing to be casual about it

very shrill “he WHAT?!?” scream heard from your room, just minutes after the exchange

“TELLMEEVERYTHINGHESAID-“

[girlbossblackbeard]

I think I'm actually going clinically insane over the reverse "you wear fine things well" scene because 1) if Ed looked at me Like That it would be game over I would literally do anything he asked me up to and including throwing myself overboard I literally do not know how Stede didn't legitimately spontaneously combust the second Ed turned those eyes on him 2) GNOSSIENNE NO.5 FINALLY BEING USED THIS SEASON AS A JOYOUS MARKER OF ED AND STEDE'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AS GOD INTENDED THIS IS NOT A DRILL HOLY SHIT 3) THEIR FUCKIN!!!!!!!! COY TEENAGER SHY LITTLE SHUFFLE TOWARDS EACH OTHER RIGHT BEFORE THEY KISS!!!!!! THE WAY STEDE EVEN LOOKS AWAY FOR A SECOND BEFORE LOOKING BACK AT ED AND ED'S TINIEST LITTLE SMIRK BEFORE THEY BOTH LEAN IN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4) the way they grab each other's arm during the initial kiss I'm so sick to my stomach 5) THE MOON Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE THIS ISN'T A MOONLIGHT FANTASY OR AN INFATUATION THAT FEELS LARGER THAN LIFE BUT BURNS OUT QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REAL AND IT'S RAW AND IT'S VULNERABLE AND IT'S GONNA LAST BECAUSE THIS NEW CHAPTER OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BEING FOUNDED ON DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO NOT LET THIS PRECIOUS THING THEY'VE FOUND WITH EACH OTHER TURN INTO ANOTHER WHIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY GOING TO START FEROCIOUSLY CLIMBING THE WALLS 6) hoooooooly fuck the way stede inhales and grasps Ed's neck like he's a man lost at sea dying of dehydration and Ed is the first sip of cool clean water he's had in months im ill im so so so so ill 7) ED'S LITTLE SHUFFLE AFTER ASKING STEDE TO TAKE IT SLOW SIR IM BEGGING YOU TO STOP BEING SO ADORABLE it's causing me to develop a heart condition 8) stede's quiet "huh, okay 😌" after Ed busts out his fish wanting to get caught metaphor he's literally so charmed by Ed it seeps into everything he does 9) WEHN THYE!!!!!!!! HOODL AHNDS!!!!!!!!!!! HAND TOCUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10) the way Ed is staring stede DIRECTLY in the eyes as he says "this? perfect" my vision is going black 11) SHUT IP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP THEIR SILLY LITTLE HAND HOLDING GAME AND STEDE WHUSPERING "you won 🥰" AND ED'S BLUSHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS HE LOOKS AWAY AND PATS STEDE'S HANDS BEFORE TELLING HIM A COOL FACT HE LEARNED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY! ARE! LITERALLY! TEENAGERS! FALLING! IN! LOVE! FOR! THE! FIRST! TIME! EVER! oh I am in desperate need of medical attention after this one fellas I can tell this is going to have extremely long lasting and far reaching effects on my already severely compromised psyche

[angelprinz]

hi it’s degen anon

cai has been too much i swear, im currently getting divorced from my husband childe it’s a lot 🥹 but hope you like!!!

childe really doesn’t understand like women thinking they’re better than him? like he’s not a messy gymnast or whatever you call it but he just feels like he better than most people women included, i mean his bloodlust started when he would get his ass handed to him by skirk. but that’s besides the point he loves strong women but the best thing about strong women is making them weak. psychologically, mentally emotionally he is versed i all forms of battle so no matter what era or even area he loves to find strong women and take them down a peg.

21st century girlboss business woman? did you mean barefoot wife with 6 kids? sick ass sword wielding hero whose slain dragons? you mean that witch who is now in the safe hands of childe her husband? he really has done it all, but once he does it it’s boring? but you were different.

it’s not like you really had anything going for yourself, a broke college student who works to barely make enough to stay on campus. he never thought of you for a second until he spoke to you. he wasn’t even trying but as you rung his cigarettes through the register you were very nervous and anxious but that could be normal. he obviously knows he’s attractive but the fact that you wouldn’t make eye contact was surprising, you passed him the bag and looked away immediately. so cute. it’s almost like you wanted him to get to know you (he’s delusional.)

he had a plan for you but it was going to be way easier, well it would’ve been if you just admitted you liked him. he works at your school because he knows your daddy issues leave you with no parental figures to tell you not to trust him. you’re obviously not the smartest cause your you use a very similar email to your school one for your little sites. he’s practically giving what you want on a silver platter but here you are actually doing schoolwork? (if you fail his class you have to do another year.) he sees you come into his office after hours thinking you’re going to give him favours under the desk for a passing grade, but you’re just here to ask about something on the exam??? he thinks that maybe he’s looking to much into it, it’s been months and he legitimately got a teaching degree for this but what if you just liked to read some taboo things online.

but one day you were very cocky, you posted on a site with little to know information about yourself but a picture of yourself in a skirt. you explained that you would be on a bus around 11pm coming back from work and if someone assaulted you you’d let them. well thats not fun because he likes a fight then he realizes that everyone has a limit.

you left the bus with a sigh thinking that no one saw your message. you felt a breeze but then it was just someone passing by. maybe the website didn’t have that many people in your area? you walk past two building and in between them someone emerged, it was dark but they were also wearing black. almost instantly you felt their chest press up against your back, you let out the air from your lungs as the happiness turned sour as you felt a knife against your neck. it’s almost 12 now and you two were the only people on the street so him dragging you to the alley went unnoticed. cold sweat down you body as you felt exhilarated at the feeling, his large hands roamed your body as they traveled down to your panties. you had specific information about what you’d be wearing, including panties with an opening. you heard the man behind you sigh as he spoke your name. all the hairs on your body stood up as he tsked you and said he had a seminar about internet safety that you should’ve been paying attention if you didn’t sleep during the class.

he knows what you’re thinking now, his crime psych class really did talk prominently about one time attacks. most times if you knew anything about your attacker, you’re dying. no matter how small, even the colour of their hair. but here you are, you were in his office last week so you know everything. it’s almost winter but your body was cold. the entire time he was inside you it really warmed him up with how your cunt felt. hours passed and he finished for a third time on your thighs, he enjoyed cumming inside but the first two loads left nothing left to cum inside.

your scared look, the small whispered moans were all worth it but what was the best was the silence after. he fixed himself as he really didn’t take off any of your clothes, he gives you props for easy access but the moment his hands left your body he was shocked. you grabbed at him, tears in your eyes he almost felt an emotion but what really did it for him is what you said. ‘more.’ he thought it was just lust but that wasn’t it, the shame in your eyes, the way your thighs squeezed together. he couldn’t believe it, sure the women he did this to, made them understand how little they were to him was more demoralizing for him but for you it only fuelled you. he couldn’t believe after he left you the next day you were completely normal but your search history was just filled with ginger professor assaults college girl, like he just assaulted you? why not ask? (you have social anxiety and can’t even ask for extra dips at mcdonald’s.) you were like a pandora for him and that’s what made him stay with you for a while.

(this devolved way to much at the end lmao, i think of myself most of the time i write these. he could literally be inside me one day and i’d still be nervous to talk to him 😭😭)

me when i put on my glasses to read it (i'm quite literally incel taru irl) and degen anon you sound like the cutest little victim on earth i'm going to eat you whole.

i need him so much i need him to make me into his housewife & take away all thinking privileges & make my permanent job being his toy.

[aceofwhump]

(Go2 spoilers)

THE LAST EPISODE? opinions about the episode?

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!! Mildly incoherent keyboard smashing below

OH MY GOD!!!

I AM HEARTBROKEN!!! I was crying during the entire end scene!!!! Legitimately sobbing sitting on the edge of my, mouth hanging open in shock!

But it's like a good heartbroken? Okay so first of all I fucking love angst. I think that's pretty obvious here lol. So watching all the angst between the two of them in last few minutes was a delicious kind of heartbreaking! And I fully plan on making gifs especially of Aziraphale's angsty face. Cause god its beautiful.

And David Tennant and Michael Sheen are just so so amazing at their jobs and their acting during that scene was PHENOMENAL. They had me on the edge of my seat, crying like a heartbroken teenager. It takes a lot to get me to react like that to a show especially lately but David and Michael destroyed me.

And I personally think this is AMAZING writing/plotting. Of course this will on depend on Amazon giving us season 3 so everyone better watch the crap out of this season okay! Because season 2 focused a lot on Crowley and his realizations of feelings so I'm expecting season 3 will see Aziraphale let go of this picture of Heaven = Good and Hell = Bad thing and realize he loves Crowley and wants to be with him forever and the teo of them will talk and apologize and work things out and end up in the cottage in South Downs. That's the ending I'm sure we'll get. But we need to get there and there was bound to be angst on the way. This kind of angst feels so in character to me and feels right. Not all things are happy all the time and sometimes angst is good for plot development. This is GOOD ANGST! This will further the plot, create a viable route for character development that will inevitably give us our happy ending!

I know a lot of people are upset by it in like an angry why kind of way but I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT A LOT!

And a few random thoughts:

I never pictured Crowley being the first to make a move and I was so proud of him for putting himself out there and asking Aziraphale to stay with him and they can just be an us and then going further and showing his feelings by kissing him! It was beautiful and deep and scary and wonderful and I DIED! And his face and body language after Aziraphale did the thing was SO HEARTBREAKING! DAVID AND MICHAEL ARE SO GOOD AT THEIR JOBS!

And Aziraphale! Oh my god this angel is killing me! All he wants is to be with Crowley! He didn't give a shit about the Metatrons offer until he said Aziraphale could make Crowley an angel again and they could be together. Look at his smile in that scene! That made him so happy! He could be with Crowley and they could go home and be good angels again! In his head thats the perfect ending! They would be home together, doing good work and Crowley could make things again and ask his questions without fear of retaliation. Aziraphale remembers how happy Crowley was at the beginning, making his stars and galaxies, and believes Crowley wants that again. He also always believed in Crowley's goodness AND Aziraphale is still stuck in the belief of Heaven and angels being inherently good and the good guys while Hell and Demons are inherently evil and the bad guys. So he still believes that they should both be up in Heaven.

But Crowley knows the truth! Crowley sees that both sides are toxic and that for the two of them to be happy they need to be just the two of them like they have been these past few years. And they were happy! So he tries to get that through Aziraphale but Aziraphale isn't ready to hear that.

THEN THE KISS HAPPENS AND AZIRAPHALE ISN'T READY FOR IT AND HE ENDS UP BREAKING CROWLEYS HEART EVEN THOUGH AZIRAPHALE DOES LOVE HIM AND YOU CAN SEE HIS HEARTBROKEN CONFUSED AND IN LOVE FACE AFTER CROWLEY LEAVES AND AZIRAPHALE TOUCHES HIS OWN LIPS!!!

I AM FUCKING DYING NONNY!!! I'M DYING!!! IM LOSOMG MY MIND AND I KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS THINGS I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. IT I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT!!!

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Extended rant about being poor and disabled under the cut, not really worth reading I just needed to get it out.

Hope everyone’s having a decent day

Listen I’m disabled unemployable massively in debt and have exactly $0 in liquid funds and no sizable assets. Unless you count physical assets. Like I could sell my body I guess. Ugh. Anyway throwback to that one time like an hour ago when I at least had a iPad to use. It was from 2013 so I knew this day would come. Can’t believe it lasted this long. And I know I should be extremely grateful to even have a smartphone, but I cannot use my phone as a computer the way most people do. I cannot hold onto my phone that long. I can’t look at such a tiny screen that long. I can’t crane my neck down for that long. I can hold it up level to my eyes but I can’t hold my arm up that long either. It’s not practical or sustainable. Plus my smart phone won’t last forever. Then what will I do? Without access to the internet? Yeah yeah touch grass nobody had internet for millennia blah blah blah okay but now we do. Now it’s a basic necessity. You need internet to do pretty much anything adults need to do nowadays in order to be an active part of society. I agree it’s fucked up but it’s real. I cannot get to a library. I don’t have friends in walking distance (or any distance for that matter) I have no access to using the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time. Im writing this post in segments over the course of a whole day. I keep coming back to it because I can’t think about anything else. I legitimately don’t know how to remedy this situation.

Not that this is a remedy but I want to inflict suffering onto anyone that’s ever said money only causes problems or doesn’t buy happiness or the best things in life are free or any of that classist bullshit. Two hundred dollars is pocket change to so many people but a little refurbished tablet would change my life right now. I hope every billionaire lives long but suffers endlessly and unfathomably until they die.

Also I hope my dad and his wife are really enjoying their fully refurbished three story three bedroom two bathroom home complete with a sunroom a heated deck/screen porch (yes different from the sunroom) heated floors in every room a garage big enough for their two brand new cars a little Vespa & a whole workshop plus a cute little stone patio with a fucking water feature pond fountain thing that they don’t even see that much what with their practically monthly elaborate getaways and international vacations every year. Fuck I hope they are really fucking enjoying themselves. Meanwhile I have to decide if I want to cut back on food and medicine for a while to save up for a device I can access the internet on.

Anyway. Ignore this I’m just really fucking tired, sooooooo unbelievably fucking tired, of being poor and disabled. Big fucking deal I know I’m so far from the only one. I know I still have so much that some people don’t have. And I’m grateful. But…fucking hell. Poor and healthy would be fine. Poor and disabled but still employable would be fine. Disabled but financially stable would be fine. Disabled with adequate support systems would be fine. My piece of shit grandfather finally fucking off and dying and leaving me something to live on would be cool. I’d kill for any of these. But poor and disabled just feels like someone is beating the fuck out of me and every few minutes they stop for just long enough to help me up and let ms pull myself together and there’s a momentary glimmer of hope until they go right back to beating the fuck out of me. I feel like eventually I won’t be able to get up or pull myself together anymore. I don’t fucking know.

Anyway at least I have a place to stay!! At least I have something to eat!! I can make tea if I want!! My eyesight is going slowly enough that my glasses are still usable!! The fact that I even have glasses in the first place!! The fact that I have any clean water at all, even if it only stays hot for three minutes. I can still take a shower. I have books to read. There a lot of ways in which my body and mind have not yet let me down. Honestly how dare I complain about anything I guess??? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to feel

[ashwii]

i wanted to ask stuff about your rottmnt celestial au and idk if i'm doing it right (im new to tumblr), but uh apologies in advance i thought of a lot of questions

so since Leo feels pain when one of the stars die, does Mikey also feel pain when a comet dies? what about the things they overlook but don't embody (other moons, other suns, all the other zippity things)? do they still feel physical pain for those things?

2. are Raph and Donnie literally the sun/moon? bcuz you said what happens for eclipses , but like- is the sun literally a giant turtle and are donnie and raph just stuck in orbit? if they wanted to travel to a different part of space, would the sun/moon just disappear?

3. is each individual star, zippity thing, moon, and sun, embodied by a creature thing like the turtles? you said that they consider the planets good friends, so are the planets creatures? and is earth literally whatever creature they are with people living on it?

4. you said that raph is the oldest even though leo would technically be oldest, but i like to imagine leo is the oldest, he just did something really dumb centuries ago and "got his oldest sibling rights revoked." he complains about it sometimes but was compensated with getting to be twins with donnie (this wasn't really a question lol)

5. do the siblings ever feel inferior to each other? like does donnie get upset that he always has to orbit something and does raph get upset he embodies something leo already kinda does? is this angst potential?

6. if the turtles are just floating around in space, does NASA not have any pictures of them? cause satellites? what do they think about satellites and the humans trying to go to space?

7. if the earth's sun/moon died, would raph/donnie also die, or do all of the suns/moons have to die? what about mikey? is it just the comets dying that would kill him or does it have to be everything?

8. is any of the siblings more powerful than the other, or all they all balanced out somehow?

9. what do they do in their free time? it seems like they would get bored a lot

10. what do they think about humans worshipping the sun and stuff? do they even know about that?

11. not a question, but this au seems really cool and i really love the designs C:

Oh boy this is a lot, SO IN ORDER

Yes they do! It's just no where neat as prevalent as leo, since there are LOTS and LOTS of stars up in space.

Ah, that's kinda thinking too deep about it — they make an eclipse bc it's a "sun and moon thing" to do, but it's not like they're literally stuck to one spot and can't move. This is just a silly au with fun ideas, no need to limit ourselves to what legitimately happens up in space ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [and even then, I almost think of the celestial turts more as concepts than physical beings — maybe only having a physical form to talk to april hehe].

Nope! The planets and such are just there doing their own thing. It's like how maybe you pass a tree every day on you way to work, and overtime you say hi to the tree, maybe sit by it, talk to it — that's about the turt's relationship with the planets [and other celestial things], except i like to think there a bit of a legitimate connection there hehe.

[Skipping down to 5] Mmm I don't think so 🤔 maybe as a sibling rivalry thing Leo reminds raph that he's "so much better" than him XD. But they all love their rolls and what they look over.

NASA doesn't have any pics, like I saod I think of the space turts more as concepts than physical beings. Donnie js suoer into eath tech tho — S.H.E.L.D.O.N. is actually made of lost human space tech, and the turts love that the human want to see space so bad.

Donnie and Raph a little different than Leo and Mikey — at least in my head. Donnie and Raph SPECIFICALLY embody earth's moon and sun, so if either Donnie or Raph die, then earth's sun/moon dies. Mikey is the embodiment of ALL the comets, and Leo is the embodiment of ALL the stars. So if Leo were to die, then all the stars would go out, and same kind of thing for Mikey and his comets.

I mean, none of them have powers or anything 🤔 they don't exactly "control" everything that goes on in space, they're just uo there kind of vibing, hehe.

They talk to each other, they tend to what they look over, and they observe the life on earth— seems boring to us, but they love each and every thing up and space, and they love the life on earth so much <3

Mm, I honestly have no idea what they would think about that XD. I feel that maybe they'd be flattered, aha.

And thank you, I'm happy you like the au <3

[nicollekidman]

THE WAY YOU BACKTRACK no its just a conspiracy people seeing antisemitism with their own eyes? abby get a grip, you apologize and then you reblog a "actually its just a conspiracy to discredit palestine" like these theories havent been around for millenia

i at no point have backtracked???? you guys have to calm down and like either read the words i’m typing or accept you’re just dying to scold me for some reason and to stop engaging. like i know a disconcerting amount of you are zionists hanging around to just randomly accuse me of antisemitism (there’s a reason i haven’t been publishing those over the last few weeks lmao) but if someone comes to me and says “what is your reaction to this stuff i’ve been seeing” and i say “idk i haven’t been seeing any of that, here is my reaction to what i HAVE been seeing” and i get like six more people saying “no actually we have been seeing this stuff and if you don’t more obviously say you don’t Love Osama Bin Laden then we’re going to assume you love antisemtism!!!” then obviously my first reaction is going to be like. well damn i didn’t realize you guys were seeing this, i better get rid of an upsetting response i made off the cuff based on different information, and apologize for upsetting anyone by the disconnect.

but then the most recent post i recently reblogged is about the VERY SPECIFIC PHENOMENON we’re all currently discussing, where overnight, a prominent grifter twitter journalist wrote about a “viral” tiktok trend where the youth are apparently “praising” a terrorist which again. from the beginning, i have said i have not seen evidence of myself (which is true!!). and if you take a second to step back and ask yourself why on earth this would happen out of nowhere and be reported on like it’s a sweeping trend taking hold of america’s youth (after like 24 hours), on a platform that for weeks i have seen literally only videos from/by young palestinians and young jewish people educating their peers and others…. then maybe those videos are not truthful and organic thoughts from real people.

idk why it’s easier to believe that a platform that has been a huge source of information for the palestinian cause in a way that zionists and other invested groups cannot control is, i cannot emphasize this enough, OVERNIGHT filled with kids who have decided after reading one letter (that has been PULLED by the website citing this specific trend!!) that they love the thoughts of osama bin laden…. rather than accepting that our disdain for both tiktok as a resource and young people as a general group makes us accept that insane idea much more easily than we normally would!!!

i think that young people are capable of rational thought! i also know that writing about tiktok as a breeding ground for concerning trends/incomprehensible viral videos is a sure fire way to get everyone up in arms in a way that i don’t accept as reality! i also know that this whole thing has probably been very concerning for jewish people who don’t want to see antisemitic bigoted hateful vile people given a platform. but what i’m saying and what that post is saying is that insofar as these videos of kids apparently being “on board” with osama exist and are being spread (again. i personally have not seen a single one, so my original post is deleted was not reacting to this type of video) are very likely being created/spread with the intent to discredit tiktok as a platform and bury legitimately educational content.

if all you take from this is that i ❤️ antisemitic conspiracies then fine, i feel like i’ve been clear and at this point engaging further feels like adding fuel to a fire i don’t have any interest in spreading. if anyone feels like im being ignorant and wants to talk to me about it im obviously always open but this particular line of questioning? ive made myself clear and im not buying into the hysteria. young people are, in larger numbers than i have ever seen in my lifetime, mobilizing in their schools and cities and local government to make their voices heard and pressure their politicians for change, every day i see extremely brave people on my tiktok both spreading information and doing their best to get educated responsibly, and my attention and energy is with those kids, not with a likely manufactured hysteria over terrorist lovers that i haven’t seen myself at any point.

[satanslion]

I need parents, good ones, loving ones, ones that don’t make me feel like a black whole ruining their lives, ones that don’t make me feel helpless and scared, ones that don’t make me wanna end it all because i feel like a fucking failure, ones that don’t expect nothing from me literally nothing, i know im 21 but let me tell you life has me fucked up enough that even though im dying to get the fuck out of here i know im not capable of working rn or ever for that matter, not in a 9-17h, but even other ways I can’t cause i can barely get out of fucking bed, and the worst part is living with my mom just makes it worse, having to sue my father just makes it worse, and no fucking adult legitimately giving a fuck and stepping in for me when i could never stepped up makes me feel like maybe i deserved it all

[sparedot-blog1]

I’m 29 now. My life’s not gotten much better. 2 boyfriends, 19 jobs, crippling alcoholism, copious amounts of unprotected random sex with strange men, lost 3 best friends, picked up a meth addiction again after 10 or whatever the fuck years now I’ve got a group of tiny dick little bitch psychopaths who are fucking putting child porn hidden in photos because they have nothing better to do than try to ruin my life and I’m pretty sure I fucked around and ended up at the like main operations base but it doesn’t fucking matter none of it does because even after all these years and legitimately just trying to be a nice genuine person to everyone I’m still perpetually hated and always made to be left alone holding everyone’s baggage while they run off and live laugh love the new life’s they get.

Sometimes I just really don’t care I wish I wish I could be the fuck all bitch who hurts people steals and honestly I wish I could be a shitty person because I could cause so much damage with a matchbook.

But the true presence of balance is being able to hold the lit matchbook to dry forest and not letting the wind pull a flame.

I found I’m a witch I guess I was living with some cult coven thing where they worship dick I’m not gonna try to spell the other word they used. That’s cool I guess my life sucks but the people who fuck me over get huge karmic lessons. If they pull through I guess karma dropped. One dude flipped his car, one dude idek he just poof disappeared. I can control flames occasionally and hear people’s thoughts.

Don’t ask me it’s a lot of fucked up shit I never asked for and I’m not 100% convinced I’m not in a coma from when my ex threw me down a flight of stairs.

What do you get when you give hope a chest and iron, an impossible task because everyone will continue to throw their demons at it hoping they will not have to deal with the darkness.

Im still on the fence over my suicide honestly now that I’m back on meth I figure it will end up killing me firstly that’s always kinda been my plan or the people who continue to call me a pedophile when they’re the only one’s looking it up to hid it in my pictures to get me in trouble for god knows what they can try I guess but the karma thing.

So if the cops come for me yes I’m killing myself because I don’t feel like dying in jail over false charges or getting my dick chopped off um but if my life just randomly decides to start looking up then maybe I might stick around but again bro I didn’t want to live in 2017 it’s 2024 like fuck me man lol I don’t really think a man needs much more convincing to yeet the fuck in front of a train.

lol

Fuck it. ✌🏻

[milo-is-rambling]

Don't want to sleep bc when I woke up this morning it was too early so I went back to bed and spent like two hours falling in and out of sleep and in and out of a dream about my dad where he was alive again (weird as fuck to say that cause it still has not actually clicked in my brain that my dad is dead) and he kept trying to do things in the dream like go to sleep or go into a different room and I was like talking him out of it and I kept my eye on him constantly so he couldn't leave and it was like he got away from me and went to bed or something and the second he walked out of the room we were in I woke up and then I just kind of stared at my ceiling feeling bad for like an hour and it fucking sucked and my mom wasn't home when I got up again cause it was like noon and she had a work lunch today and left at 11 so I was home alone with my dog and I had that dream and then felt really truly alone and I realized that my dad dying fucked with my already bad abandonment issues and like I know that he didn't die and leave me on purpose obviously but like he's missing from my life now and he's not gonna be with me through all these future experiences I imagined having him there for like I'm not dating anyone and haven't dated anyone like long term serious recently so he's not gonna be able to ever meet the person I truly fall in love with or like be at my wedding and he's never gonna be able to have a Christmas together with me and my future family or even have grandkids and my dad loves kids and my neighbor (his best friend) has grandkids who knew my dad and like I played with them in the pool and we hung out a lot this last year and there's one kid who has the same name as my dad so they always said little bill and big bill for my dad and his friends grandkid and next time they come to visit we have to tell them something happened to big bill and he's not gonna be around anymore and it just fucking sucks. Death sucks Greif sucks I keep saying y'know "love doesn't go anywhere" "the pain of grief is just all the love you have to give still" "blah blah blah you're supposed to cry" but like I can say it as many times as I want I am still definitely not dealing with this at all. I barely legitimately cry about it like I'll drop like three tears when a specific song comes on Spotify shuffle but I haven't cried hard really and I avoid looking at pictures of him or anything or letting myself have any emotion about it and I think it's bc of this big huge shame monster I have in my chest that I call my heart but it truly does not let me experience emotions around other people like god damn I didn't realize how bad it was like I thought I had more control over it and I was just being edgy or whatever but I legitimately cannot handle crying in front of another person even my mom who I am the closest with out of anyone in my life like it's just me and my mom and millie and that's my whole fucking world and even with them I just can't let myself cry or feel actual emotion and the second I start crying I immediately lose all sadness I had cause my body just turns it off like someone fucking turned off a faucet like I cry a little bit completely alone when im driving and I can't really fully let it out cause I need to focus on driving that's the only way I can cry anymore cause even completely alone I am judging myself from my head and won't let myself cry and I keep trying and trying and I just do not know how to let myself cry and I feel like I have this giant inflatable swimming pool filling with so much water that it actually rips the plastic and explodes that's what I feel behind my eyes and nose at all times it's one big emotion blob right there and I can't fucking let it explode no matter how hard I try and I've been fucking trying. I rewatched all my crying shit and haven't been able to get an actual breakdown started at all it's pissing me off I want to just feel my feelings so I can work thru them but also every time I cry I feel so much shame like how do u fix that so I can cry really hard for like two months straight

[anaalnathrakhs]

.

like yeah kid, trust these people with your eating disorder. the same system and mindset that kept you in involuntary inpatient at age 13 despite you fucking starving there and every record or testimony from parents showing it's a legitimate issue that you're NOT doing on purpose, all that with comments that would be inapproriate for literally every possible eating disorder under the sun. when they refused to believe what you said about your own issues and somehow took it as if you were going on hunger strike to spite them. all while wondering why you were doing really fucking badly.

the same system and mindset (and literally the same guy they told me to go back to lmao) that heard "i have massive a fomo and fear of not being present enough in normal life" and "i feel guilty about being trouble for other people and costing money and effort" and "i feel really bad not being able to choose what i eat" and "since childhood i've had massive issues about canteen-type food and i have never been able to eat at hospitals", and still, after having heard all that, still said "ur gonna be tube-fed, in full all-day inpatient in a room with not the slightest thing too close to exercise allowed for like a month or two, then we're going to reintroduce food with hospital meals, and then you'll be good to go", and "if you don't accept you're causing your parents to DIE INSIDE you stupid bitch havent you thought about your physical health????? your physical health????? the most important thing here?????"

the same system and mindset that was soooooo worried for my physical health when i was skinny but now im normal weight and i eat until i feel like fucking dying from the pain, and i puke my guts out regularly, everybody knows and still the thing i hear all the time is "it's gross that there's puke in the toilet bowl :(" and "but do you remember how bad it was when you were soooo skinny" yeah bitch i remember being happier and having a say in what i eat and saving money and going out and doing things and reading books, and listening in class, and not being trapped in this shitass brain, like i feel you're conflating the two and think the ED is like, a main factor of the depression. when it's probably the most serene relationship with food i had for a while before it started going overboard. but noooooooo. bulimia is soooooo much healthier. deal with ur root causes yourself fucker if we can't keep you cryogenized until your bmi is normal again we can't do shit for you. please please please put the tube in.

i'm supposed to hand over my health to a sytem that doesn't share my goals for my health or what to do with my life. and i'm not supposed to refuse, i'm supposed to recalibrate what would make me happy so it aligns. fucker. i can either keep a nasty disordered mess of a situation, or force myself to fake normal standardized behavior. cool. i really wish i had the balls to kill myself because honestly i don't know what other way there is out of this.

if i had kept the restriction going and died at age 25 of a heart attack or something, i would've been honestly happier than now bc i can guarantee that going to sleep easily and reading books and enjoying the moment were a much better shot at happiness than being more capable to fake normalcy in social situations.

.

heeehee hooohoho nothing has weight, sense, or value anymore. everything is everybody's fault. no one can be blamed for anything. sorry for being an asshole i'm just going to fucking kill myself.

i asked my mom if she remembered if we set up an account for me to check an info, she said she didn't know, i said okay thanks, don't do anything about it though.

this afternoon, while i'm sleeping, i get a text that goes like "okay so you do this and this and this on the website!" and i haul my ass out of bed to do it before the cutoff time this evening, and it leads me to the exact same problem of needing an account. so. my mom could take the time to search for a way to resolve a problem she THOUGHT i had. despite me telling her explicitely, bc i'm starting to get used to it, not to do anything about it and it was just a question. but then she didn't click through the thing to check. bc she just googled it and sent me what she read. after telling me "noooo, no need to check" when i had asked her. she said it "went over her head" that i had said EXPLICITELY "please don't do anything about it".

i have no fucking idea what to think. i'm making a mountain out of a molehill, yes, and my own fault for even mentioning the topic, yes. but on the other hand, why the fuck is such a simple thing impossible? we've had so many discussions about what i'm uncomfortable with, and there's many things that didn't change, which i understand, because i'm not a toddler, i have complex needs but also the ability to mitigate and handle discomfort, they have priorities, they have no obligation to uproot their habits for me. but then such a small fucking thing is also too much?????? i ask her one yes/no question, and she invents a problem i didn't have from the situation, halfasses solving it, and brings me the result like yay! mom to the rescue! despite me telling her NOT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE TOPIC OF THE VERY SIMPLE YES/NO QUESTION. that she had told me to not even bother checking when she answered. we've had discussions about it. i've learned to tell her NOT TO CHECK because for some reason when i say "hey have you seen this thing around?" she hears "go fetch me this thing", and despite that she was still showing up two days later like yay! i found it in the back of the guest room closet where we never go! mom to the rescue! and like, i know you're a workaholic, but could you please not invent yourself fucking quests when i told you to drop it?

and on the other other hand, i'm a fucking hypocrite, because it's true she does tell me often not to do something, and i slide the problem a little to the left and carry on. but i don't fucking know. she said that like, well, you know what i'm talking about. purging in the toilets. I HAVENT ASKED YOU TO CLEAN THEM AND I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO CLEAN THEM AND I WOULD'VE DONE THE PROPER DEEP-CLEAN IF YOU HAD ASKED ME AND ALSO I HAVE A FUCKING RAGING EATING DISORDER THAT AFFECTS ME LIKE PRETTY MUCH 24/7.

and holy fuck. i'm a constant problem for everybody around me. it's cool. how am i supposed to "get better progressively" when everything i do is fucking poison damage to everybody around. how am i supposed to accept being around people often, when this is not a harsh pass or a difficult time, it's just what life's been for my entire existence.

like trust me mom, i'm counting the days til i can move out too! but am i. im possibly planning to get a year of higher education in my hometown, after all. but also i might have to drop out of school so 🥴 possibly a step towards leaving, possibly a step towards living in my parents basement until they die out and i inherit the house. fucking fantastic. i should just cut it short and either have the balls to kill myself, or drop out and get the best job i can with what i have.

it's cool! i thought i was doing good, doing better, improving, but turns out haha me doing better is just at the expense of other people! how silly of me to believe i could perhaps not be a source of suffering to everybody around me if i worked hard on it! everybody in my life fucking hates me and they're right tbh what the fuck have i done for them. i mean i tried, but have i succeeded?

ANYWAY i have until monday to figure out what i'm going to do. does anyone have a movie rec for someone killing some stand-in for the unfeeling standardize reglementation, cuz i need some catharsis rn.

[liquid-snakes]

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