#cause i just. didnt have money. so i didnt have the impulse to spend it cause it wasnt there

[sunstar121]

please someone immediately tell me not to spend $120 on a board game

[creacherkeeper]

1, 7, 15, and 21 for hawk and lizzie?

What does your character typically keep in their pockets?

hawk - pocket knife, string, a bandage, pocket tool kit, wallet with a few dollars and a picture of sarah and divine from their wedding

lizzie - pocket knife, wallet with money, sheriffs badge, [redacted] ID card

7. How impulsive is your character?

hawk - he has a very strict moral code but is willing to do anything within that at any point in time so. impulsive but within limits. he tends to be more restrained when having serious conversations bc he's just not good at those

lizzie - she used to be 99% impulsive and 1% restrained and now she's 99% restrained and 1% impulsive. cause. well.

15. Describe their ideal date.

hawk - beers and *******

lizzie - i dont think lizzie knows?? she's had no practice being romantic and didnt even know thats what it was for such a long time. but like. she's such an acts of service bitch. so i genuinely think that like. carrying divines groceries back while divine talks her ear off. is kind of as ideal as it gets? like im not sure how much she would enjoy a Classic Date but if she could like. just help out in some way while spending time together. thats what she would want. she likes being useful

21. If they were a potion, what would it look like? (Color, glass shape, smell, etc.)

hawk - shorter square glass, kind of matte liquid going from a yellowy green to ruddy orange. i think it would smell like clay after rain

lizzie - pyramid shape glass, but fairly tall. mostly translucent liquid but swirling from bright yellow to burnt orange to dark crimson. i think slightly shimmery but in the way sand is shimmery. i think it would smell like sun on hot metal

[starjxsung]

STAR!! I ordered the upcoming SKZ single on CD!! Insanely excited to see what the boys have in store for us, but with the amount of money I spend, I’m gonna have to thug it out until Friday 😔 oh the woes of an impulse buyer ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ ALSO I FOUND SOMEONE SELLING THE TXT CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH, GROUP EDITION (LIKE THE ONE WITH PHOTOCARDS) and I bought it for $67 😀 I’ll let you know when I comes in the mail, but other than that I hope you’re doing well 🫶

— 🎀

(p.s. I’m not the one who wrote that seungmin fanfic but I sure wish I was cause O.M.G it was so good 😭)

!!!!! Impulse shopping my best friend and my opp!!!!! I just paid rent and dropped a freakish amount on Ateez tickets and I’m probably going to do some online shopping today because retail therapy my beloved…..

ALSO I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE PHOTOCARDS W THE TXT CEREAL???? HELLO? WHERE WHAT WHEN. WHAT DID I MISS. Send pics when you get it!!!! I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU RAHHHH both of us wasting away our paychecks core we r literally so cutie 🎀✨😋

I’m doing so good I hope YOU’RE doing good ily ily have the best week 💞💕💓🫶‼️‼️‼️‼️

[twntyfiveotwo]

i know my fking issue

yes i know. i fking know. i dont care about love. i dont care about who loves me or who i love. all i love is the feeling of being loved. which is why i always become insanely infatuated when i have a dream of me being delicately loved by a face i dont recognise. which is why i lock myself in my memories and reminisce all the good feelings i once had. you see, i know how insane and pathetic it sounds. but it feels good. to know, to remember that i was once loved.

he loved me at a time when i didnt know how to love myself. he loved me at my lowest, when i was so fking depressed and so desperate for love. he was my double edge sword - the cause of my anxiety because i would spend hours with him rather than on things i should do. but also, my safe space. if anything, every night i always always looked forward to our pillow talk with one another. and we would share our vulnerabilities with each other. it feels so raw, yet so real. and the first time he said "i love you" was before we even met each other. i wanted to see him, but i also would rather save myself the look of disgust that would appear on his face because i knew for sure no one would accept my physical appearance. impulsively, we made plans to meet, we booked all our places. and 2 days before meeting, i pushed myself to face my fear and sent him a real time picture of me. he told me, "i'm sorry but i dont think i can continue this". understandable, at least he got the courage to reject me directly.

i travelled as planned. i persuaded him to come down. i said "no strings attached, just come out and we hang as friends if thats ok. i dont have any other company here". he declined. he said he doesnt think it's appropriate. but yet we continued to play games and talked like nothing was wrong. later that night, he told me he was coming down to hang. im like sure, knowing full well how the night would go. we watched a horror movie, and after the movie ended we fucked. as always. allowing my body to be used by a man that doesnt love me. but who the fk cares at this point. the next day i went out with my friends. i left half of my cash with him because he said he was going out and i was concerned that he might not have enough money. we met later at night at a bar, together with my friends. we all drank and played drinking games together. at that point of time tbh fwb was probably the best description for whatever we shared. so we didnt cross each others' boundaries. then as we were going back to where i stayed together, i got tipsy-excited and started doing little skips in front of him. i remember turning back to wait for him, and then walking off side by side with him. as we were about to cross a road, he held my hand. i didnt dare to hold back. i just thought to myself, "what a kind gesture. he is probably worried for me because im drunk and he wouldnt want me running across the road". what caught me off guard was that he didnt let go even after we crossed the road. he continued to hold my hand as we walked all the way back to our accomodation. and when we were back, we fucked again. after the fucking, i asked him, "does this mean that we are back together?" he said, "what do you think?" i said "i dont know" he questioned me, "do you want us to be back together?" and i said, "yea". he nodded his head. i asked him, "what is it that made you want to reconcile?" he said, "im not sure either". i assumed it was cause i happened to be convenient.

or maybe not. because if it was just out of convenience he didn't have to be so sweet to me:

i still remember how we ran under the sudden downpour when we were walking to one of our karaoke sessions. we both ended up being soaking wet. but the first thing he did was to make sure i was alright. he tried to wipe me dry, despite how much of a mess i was. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how excited he looked when i came down from the bus during my second trip. and when we arrived at our hotel, i found it hard to use the toilet because i couldnt stand floor with small tiles. he offered and asked me to stand on his feet despite my size. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how much of a crowd there was during new years eve. and there were all those annoying fuckers that would horn the new year trumpet right in front of our faces. i was overwhelmed. the moment he noticed that, instead of leading me from the front, he walked behind me and cupped my ears as we walked through the crowd. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how there was one time he went out with he friends to drink. he called me when he was drunk and started crying, saying that he missed me. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember on my third trip there, he squeezed in a part time job shift just so we can use some extra cash for our date. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how we climaxed together for the last sex that we had, and i guess it felt really good for him. when we were showering together, he looked at me with those googly eyes. i shyed away from it, and asked him why was he looking at me like that. he said he found me cute. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how he came back from his pt shift way past midnight and craved for some cold beer. i offered to go down to buy by myself cause he said he was tired. i went to the convenience store and snapped a pic asking him if that was the correct beer. he called me and asked me where was i. i said the convenience store. he said "stand there, im coming down. when i asked you to go down and buy i meant the front counter of the hotel, not the convenience store! do you know how dangerous it is for you to go out alone this late at night?" and when he reached, the first thing he did was to check up and down that i was alright while holding on to my shoulders. despite being tired. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

but so what. so fking what. all the moments above didnt change the fact that he ghosted on me. he could have said something if he wanted to break up. maybe my anxious attachment style made it hard for him to breathe. but say something darling, i would have let you go. because truth be told, neither of us were made for long distance r/s. i want to believe that there were some pocket of moments when he loved me. actually, you know what, i do believe there were some moments that he loved me. but i guess, the love was not enough for us to overcome the struggles of a ldr. not that it matter, because this r/s is long over.

but thanks, i guess. he made me feel loved during a time when i didnt think anyone was capable of loving me. and while the rs was short lived, it was one of the sweetest rs i had. in fact, listening to the songs he shared to me & reliving through all these memories made me feel like wow, i actually once had a novel-like romance. so, thanks for that i guess. i still miss you sometimes, why wouldnt i. but boy, the heartbreak you gave me at that time. it drove me insane. but since when does love not drive me crazy. it always does.

[kindlyre]

LETSGO

the idea that kokichis intentional misdiagnosis caused him to develop a compulsive lying problem is just- SO SAD AAAUUUHHHHH its so tragic and i love it

also it means a LOT that u didnt give kenzo Abuser Disorder n rather addresses the cyclical nature of abusive family dynamics!!! in my fic, rantaro's grandfather also has aspd, and his dad presumably also has it as well, but hes only one of uhhhh *counts* five characters with aspd in the whole fic that r abusive at all and even so its just like, implied, none of the characters really give a fuck abt it outside of "oh, rantaro's aspd runs in his family"

i did Nawt get an adhd diagnosis till i was an adult but i knew i had it ever since like, the second grade. i was a very smart kid lmfaaaoo 😭 but GOOD LUCK GETTING DISABILITY!!!! im in that crossroads where i WANT disability so bad because i fucking hate working i hate it so much and i keep getting fired bc i backtalk my managers (yaay poor impulse control!!) but also disability payments are a fucking pittance and if i get married i lose them 😭 but who knows maybe once i move more jobs will be there and i can find something i like so it doesnt feel like im slowly dying! tbh in my case i do have some unknown Mystery Crippling that i use a wheelchair for part-time, but then i just... like... improved dramatically? out of nowhere?? my only explanation is danganronpa cured my disability bc it happened literally right when i replayed the games. thanks atua

(also mood!! a good chunk of my soulbonds while spiritual in origin, take traditional system member roles, and my first lil guy was totally unintentional but i later started doing it intentionally and i still find it very fun!! my first was BILL CIPHER talk about god throwing me in the fucking deep end w this mf!!! we were (still are) besties tho. despite the curse.)

QUASTION TIME W LYRE!!! 🔥🔥

so like, the chronic boredom itself is a big symptom people miss, ESPECIALLY how like. the boredom and disconnect from people causes depression which ofc makes substance abuse and addiction problems a lot worse. bc i get bored so easily i have a VERY addictive personality and if i didnt live with someone id be fucked tbh like. i would probably be homeless bc id spend all my money on shopping or ebay bidding or drugs. or all 3. ALSO im adding this here, i have a whole post on it on my other blog, but the WAY the "lack of remorse" symptom works is very misinterperted, i talk abt it in depth on the post!

half n half! the signs i see could mean ANYTHING, but i project. but the signs are that like... lbr... he is WAY too fucking calm about his situation, to the point where its literally the first line of my fic 😭. kaede's line about how it seems like hes done this before is meant to be foreshadowing of his ultimate survivor thing, but like... HE DOESNT REMEMBER THAT!!! this is just his personality, hes just Like That! ive known a bunch of pwaspd and one of the Fun Stereotypes abt us is that we r like, oddly chill w literally whatever. so im like... hmmmm. also his scary sprites like, this boy is just a little bit not normal so im like hmm... wouldnt it be fun if..... and then the rest is history!

grabs the world by the throat. we can have feelings we can have loved ones we can HAVE FEELINGS WE CAN HAVE LOVED ONES!!!!! we can feel remorse too, THATS ONE SYMPTOM OUT OF LIKE EIGHT AND REPRESSING THE FEELING COUNTS!!! also people tend to forget this bc they see aspd as Uniquely Bad, but we have good times and bad times, symptomwise! OH WAIT NO. THE RECOVERY RATES. THATS THE WORST MISCONCEPTION. people think aspd is uncurable when it does in fact tend to taper off in your 50s AND theres like a 27% rate of full remission and a 36% rate of improvement w/o remission (i saw this in two different studies but my dumbass did NOT bookmark them 😭 source(s): trust me bro ALSO EVEN IF these r wrong... how much of that low improvement rate is therapists not knowing how to deal w aspd patients)

also i just realized that the post tragedy danganverse would have a sociopath moral panic kinda like the narc abuse thing nowadays bc of junko Fitting The Profile (i do believe she has aspd like it fitsssssss ngl, hey man they cant all be winners!)

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh OIKS ROUTE

a/n: this,,,, is probably the angstiest out of the routes and i seem to only write angst for oikawa and i think its a problem

this is for @what-a-creative-username​ bc oikawa is their favorite seijoh boy so this is for you 🥺

and actually buckle your seatbelts bc this is my longest work and its the biggest mess ever :’) also, this is kinda all over the place soooo

anon:

- May we have an x Oikawa ending to the Manager AU?

- okaayyyy so this is a request for the manager series. please pleASE PLEASEEEEE- make a oikawa ending! 🥺 cuz he’s my favorite and all those times with him in the story feel like more than just friends

OMG IM SORRY BUT MY INNER OIKAWA SIMP THAT I NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN THERE STARTED TO PEAK THROUGH

so basically yea

as seen in a lot of the parts,

oikawa is very,,,, loving towards you

like his entire demeanor was just so different and so,,, authentic,,,, than the ones he shows to other females

maybe it was because you didnt want him in the beginning?

the moment he saw you, he did his first antics and he expected you to turn red and fluster and cutely shy away from him 

yanno the works

yet you gave him a stony stare and denied him

ofc he was hurt and a little offended bc were you rejecting him?

hes never been rejected before and he prides himself for that but you just did and continued to do that

so he made it his mission to make you at least feel something for him

like the period part or his random proclamations of his love for you

he did it all

it didnt matter if it would bite him in the ass later because he was impulsive and he wanted you to show yourself being affected with his charms

because he was the FREAKING OIKAWA TOORU

ong this is like his validation that he is still a ladies man and has a charm that couldnt be resisted by anyone

he constantly told you that he loved you to see a reaction from you and he always was touching you whether it was just the shoulder or your hand

oikawa wanted to see you as his own personal cheerleader and you reacting to his affections would really bring him over the moon

this brings us here in the gym today

‘y/n-chan, do you want to go-’

‘oikawa-san, i dont trust you wanting to go on an innocent outing without any hidden intentions’

the team snickered and he pouted, eyes watering and curling at your side

‘y/n-chan, please? oikawa-san really wants to spend time with you~’

he begged and you finally looked up from the notebook and stared at him

god hes been much more annoying lately but you knew it was his way of letting out his anxiousness and nervousness for the incoming interhigh

so you decided to indulge him just this once and made a deal with him

‘the moment you try anything, even remotely romantic or flirty, i will leave’

you bargained but he gasped

‘what?! then what’s the point of-’

‘so you DO have hidden intentions, oikawa-san?’

you raised your eyebrow causing oikawa to quickly shake his head and detach from you

‘fine. none of that stuff, just hanging out, okay?’

he was still fussy but he accepted it

oikawa had a plan to take you to a cafe that just opened up and take you shopping and basically spoil you because girls like that, right?

they fall for boys who give them everything, right?

nope

so i read a study that surprisingly most girls arent into shopping apparently and they prefer to buy something themselves because apparently they feel indebt and dependent on men if they let them spoil them like that

idk about you but i would let oikawa spoil me tho

his plans were completely crushed when you argued with him for nearly 15 minutes to take half of your tab with the food

‘y/n-chan! i invited you out so i should pay! and boys have to pay!’

he complained, holding the other end of the tab envelope thingy but you pulled it back towards you

‘oikawa-san. you should never listen to societal normalities and instead listen and respect my wishes of paying for my half rather than going by the rules of males paying for females’

im sensing a bit of a bokuto and akaashi typa relationship between you two

oikawa shook his head and slightly stood up to lean over the table, his face approaching yours and you were slightly surprised by the sudden closeness causing you to lean back and be focused on getting away so your grip on the tab loosened

he grinned as he snatched it away from your grasp and quickly placed his card into the slot before running up to the cashier

your mouth was slacked and surprise was still written on your face even when he returned and oikawa held up a peace sign to try and lighten up

but your shock morphed into being upset

‘oikawa-san, listen here. you had-’

but he waved you off with a smile

‘no, you listen here, y/n-chan. oikawa-san loves you therefore he will give you everything in the world and all you have to do is sit there and point at whatever you want because my love will bring it to you~!’

you rolled your eyes

‘please stop being like that, oikawa-san. im not your girlfriend so dont act like my boyfriend’

he lightly scoffed, disguising it with a cough

‘y/n-chan, i dont think you understand. oikawa-san is telling you to be his good little girl and sit down. i dont understand why youre being so stubborn’

he growled softly

wHAT iS hE sAYinG

you shook your head in disbelief and stood up collecting your things making the brunette to also stand up in curiosity

‘y/n-chan? youre leaving already? i wanted to go see other places with you! i wanted to take you shopping!’

you halted and looked up at him through your long eyelashes

‘oikawa-san, i’d rather you save your money and rest your injuries instead’

you reasoned but he raised his hands in front of him to signify his wish for you to stop

‘but i want to be with you, y/n-chan’

he whispered and you blinked

‘i dont want you to spend a single dime for me after this. just you and me, oikawa-san, no money, just us’

he nodded eagerly

‘we can go anywhere you want! just,,, stay with me’

then he found himself in a bookstore with you

it was a quaint hole in the wall bookstore that you both found as you walked down the street and you excitedly dragged him inside, hand still laced together

the rows of shelves that contained different worlds in the pages were your serotonin

he watched you excitedly run to the fiction section and browsed through the different spines for anything special to check out

‘y/n-chan, i’ll go use the bathroom really quickly’

you nodded and oikawa kissed your temple before he left towards the restroom

your eyes flitted across the different titles and you snatched a book of poetry

oikawa hurriedly walked over back to you but he didnt find you at the place you were before

so he continued sifting through the mini hallways of shelves and then he stopped

it was so,,, domestic 

seeing your bright eyes looking down at the book  on your hands and the way your mouth slightly moved with the words

it was such a simple sight yet why did you look so beautiful?

the shimmering eyes that flittered when you came across a sentence you liked 

the soft lips that kinda jutted out making his desire to feel it increase that he would give anything to feel on his own

you were so focused that you didnt notice him moving behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, only noticing his head resting on your shoulder

‘’come, my darling, it is never too late to begin our love again’’

he mumbled to your ear and you released one hand from the book to grasp his arms that were around your middle

‘you read poetry?’

you whispered and oikawa chuckled

‘of course. a man as romantic as I am ought to be a poet’

he reasoned and you laughed

‘yet you fail to sway me, oikawa-san’

‘no, there is a difference. you dont want my love but i know you want to be loved by me, i can assure you!’

you swiftly placed the book back on its former place and you turned around to swing your arms around his neck

‘hmm,,,, love was never something for me. especially with you boys around’

oikawa looked down to see your shorter height and he caressed your hip

‘i love you, y/n, so let me love you the way you deserve to be’

he whispered not understanding the weight of his words and you looked down to hide the growing blush on your face before burying your face into his sweater-clad chest

‘so not fair oikawa-san’

you mumbled against the fabric but he heard it and he bursted into giggles

‘ehh~~ youre not being the fair one, y/n-chan! youre make it so hard to not fall for you when youre so beautiful~!’

he whines and you rested your chin on him so you could look up at him and your pout made him squeeze you tighter

‘hah?! that doesnt make sense! im nothing but a mess of-!’

you started but was cut off when he kissed your nose and whispered:

‘but what a beautiful mess you are’

okay so i know this is the saddest one out of the routes but ive just been serving fluff so the angst is coming soon!!!!!!

once you both were finished in the bookstore, you suggested going to this hill that allowed you to see the stars clearer

‘hmm, oikawa-san, there’s this place that natsu used to take me to whenever he wanted to see the stars so i think you’d like it’

you mentioned while walking on the sidewalk

oikawa’s hand was clutching yours and you were swinging it back and forth while lightly skipping and kicking the rocks

he watched you, amused, at how child-like you were acting right now but he was also touched, knowing your knowledge of his love for space

‘sure!’

the night sky allowed the stars to light up and you both shared giggles and laughs as the two of you stumbled over your feet with no light except from above

however once you made it to the top of the hill, oikawa pulled you close to him as you huddled on a seated position

‘how’d you know i would like this, y/n-chan?’

he asked and you gave him an obvious look

‘hah? its so obvious! you keep drawing the cancer constellation on your skin and you had an astrology book in your bag that you were also reading in the bus’

your answer brought warmth inside him and he never thought you were so perceptive of him

you noticed every little thing he does and hes,,,, never had someone do that before

except for iwa and his family and team, no one knows of his little ticks and the way he becomes obsessive of a topic once he gets interested in it

you noticed it all

‘that right there, its the big dipper!’

you pointed and he followed the direction of your finger before nodding

‘yep! waaahhh its much prettier seeing it higher up than my roof!’

he exclaimed and your gaze left the constellation towards the boy beside you

‘really,, pretty’

you absentmindedly muttered yet he was sharp and heard you

‘but its different to look at something much more beautiful’

this caused you to quickly go back to looking at the stars so you missed his love-filled eyes

‘i want to name my children by constellations. so that they can keep the oikawa legacy going forever like constellations being at the sky for all eternity. or naming it after the sky! then i can make sure theyre never going away’

he said and you nodded

you kept pointing out different shapes and laughing at his funky claims of what some stars connected to and created

‘oikawa-san, lets go to the star festival later’

you offered and he in turn looked away from you, turning red at the way the small lights illuminated your face and somehow making it more,,,, angelic

so he covered it up with his own teasing 

‘oh? the meeting of the two lovers?’

you dont know why but your cheeks burned at the mention of the ‘L’ word and oikawa noticed, quickly poking fun of your cheeks

‘oh, y/n-chan, dont be so shy!’

you pouted and turned away

‘never mind’

oikawa’s laugh rang throughout the space and he pulled you closer, practically sitting on his lap, while pointing out the stars and him pressing kisses to your cheeks

the intertwining of your fingers combined with the kisses made you feel as if you were floating with how free you felt

and you loved every moment of it

after that outing with your captain, you were conflicted

it wasnt the first time he’s openly said he loved you and his shower of affections have been there since the very beginning

yet how come you were just now feeling,,,,, different??

you were sure you felt an odd feeling inside you when he said your name with no usual suffix and it wasnt just the food that didnt agree with you

whenever his lips came in contact with your skin, it left blazing trails of red that spread out as far as it could

the heartbeat that quickened once he kissed your forehead at your doorstep and the grin you last saw when you closed the door

or the unknown smile that you didnt know you had on until natsu, who was visiting, pointed it out

‘darling, why are you just standing there? and why are you smiling like that? its weird, stop it’

you didnt even have the attitude to scold him and you giggled before twirling and holding his hand

‘oh, natsu~ i want to dance! and sing!’

you shouted, taking him with you and dancing around the living room

tbh natsu was very worried but he remembered you mentioning that you were meeting some guy today and it might be the reason as to why you were acting like this

he was happy

you deserved to be loved as you are and you were finally getting that love

but,,,,,,,,,

it didnt last long

albeit having a lot of fun, oikawa seemed,,,, off to you

it was,,, awkward

maybe it was because you were now aware of some type of growing attraction inside of you or every little thing he does to you could send you into shapeshifting and channeling your inner tomato

forget potato, youre now a tomato

but even his touches and affections were now limited

restricted

like the the next time you both saw each other, you shyly but happily bounded up to him and greeted him good morning

but his eyes widened, taking a step back before laughing awkwardly

‘ah ha ha, hey y/n-chan’

oikawa greeted then side-stepped to enter the gym

god you felt like you were slapped in the face

you remained frozen, staring at the spot he previously occupied and your mind was running quickly

was it because your senses were now heightened that everything made you extra sensitive?

usually, oikawa would squeal at the fact you were even greeting him this morning but he literally just walked away from you

no, you were just,,,,

overreacting

right?

yea, just,,,

overreacting

iwa noticed your downcast expression and he had a feeling it had something to do with oikawa’s off expression

you hurriedly placed your bag down and took out your notebook to start taking notes for their practice

big boy ace went up to you and placed a hand on your arm which caused you to flinch

he immediately backed off, letting go and stepping back

‘wh-hey? y/n? you okay? did something happen?’

he worriedly asked but you shook your head, not even bothering to meet his eyes

‘uh-yea. mhm, perfectly fine’

you lied and he wanted to press further but mattsun and makki called you over to check out their blocks so you ran to them

but he had a feeling you were just taking every opportunity to not answer his questions

while you were pre-occupied with the meme team, iwa marched up to oiks and tugged him around to fully talk to him

oikawa watched your interaction and he knew iwa would immediately start questioning him too

‘oi, what the hell did you do’

there was an underlying tone in his best friend’s voice that he didnt particularly like

oikawa did what he does best and plastered a smile on his face

‘hm? what do you mean, iwa-chan?’

‘what the hell do you mean what do i mean? you speak japanese dont you? so tell me what the hell happened during your date because it seems like shit happened and now youre both acting weird’

oikawa flinched at the blunt words but it was the truth

he was acting weird and this caused you to probably act weird too

god hes so dumb

but he,,, was going through stuff right now

it was a situation that he didnt want to involve you in 

and,,, seeing you dancing with natsu with the biggest smile on your face through the window of your house

okay guys dont think this is weird or stalker-ish bc i actually saw this in a kdrama ages ago and i thought it was just so sweet and cute and dont take it the weird and stalker creepy way :(

it certainly brought him pain

this was what he wanted though, right?

he wanted to see a reaction from you with his antics and he wanted to see you flustered and giggling like one of his lovestruck girls

but dear god that was when he became aware of your growing feelings

oikawa even saw it before you did with the way you gave him those longing stares and small smiles and the small squeezes of his hand when he would laugh

initially, he wouldve teased you for it but then he kept quiet

this entire time he knew you, he felt,,, love,,, for you

and by god, he was so scared

he wanted to run away

because he was well aware of his personality and him as a person 

he could make you smile the biggest and the happiest but he was also the type to make you feel the most pain and cause the deepest wounds on your already fragile heart

he didnt want that responsibility and burden

it was too risky

oikawa knew he was a ticking time bomb and he was afraid if you got even just a centimeter closer

you would be the one hit with the blast the most

maybe it was that sight that made him want to distance himself

it was a sight that made him realize that you deserved someone much better and that someone couldn’t be him

the happiness that danced in your eyes and the smile that decorate your beautiful face

can you imagine the irony?

the moment you notice of your growing feelings, the moment he decides to withdraw and pull away

.......

practice was,,, suffocating? 

the team knew of the tension these past few days and you both def were not the same

oikawa has not said he loved you or even pestered you once and as much as the guys hated seeing it, they were getting worried

did you both fight?

what happened?

when oikawa was talking with the coach and you were grabbing something from the storage room, they immediately took this chance to pounce on iwaizumi since he was the closest to the both of you

‘oi, iwaizumi, the hell happened?’

makki asked and the others nodded, wondering the same thing

but they were surprised when he shrugged

‘dont know. stupidkawa refuses to talk and i dont want to bother y/n bc she seems,,, weird about it’

if iwaizumi didnt know, then something serious did happen

you and oikawa continued this weird eggshell walking and you even gave up after trying to ask so many times on what was wrong and only to be answered with,

‘nothing~! y/n-chan should never have to worry her pretty little head about old me~!’

that answer didnt bother you

it was his smile

the genuine smile that you were so happy to receive as it was only for you

now seems gone and replaced with his fake one as if you now became one of his fangirls

what took the cake was his appearance to practice with a girl in his arm

they were both laughing and seemed trapped in their own little bubble to even notice the team’s wide eyes and concerned looks to you

you didnt even notice your teary eyes until mattsun quite literally picked you up and shouted he wanted to help you fill up the water bottles

he placed you outside, sitting on a bench by the gym

you were biting your lip and staring at the ground while he was leaning back and looking at the sky

‘the sky is very pretty today’

he complimented but it wasnt heard by you

you only came back to reality when he nudged you gently and you shot him a crooked smile but he sighed at the look of hurt written all over your face

‘oh, y/n, i am getting increasingly worried for our generation. theres so many sad eyes on happy faces’

he tutted and returned to gazing back up to the clouds

you scrunched your nose and scoffed

‘i dont understand you, mattsun-san’

you mumbled and fiddled with your fingers

mattsukawa issei shook his head and pointed above

‘y/n-chan, our eyes enables us to identify beauty and we have the urge to immediately capture it to remember that we did find something beautiful. yet, we feel hopeless as we cant to put the beauty on paper because we are only given one crayon to draw the sunset’

it felt all muddled

there was no sense in his words and you were sniffed, trying to understand

‘mattsun-san, did you eat any more of those candy makki-san bought from that one guy?’

he bursted into laughter and you couldnt help but quirk your lip at the sound of his joy

‘who knows? taka is my boy and i trust him so if he gave it to me, then,,,, it cant be that bad, right?’

you blanched

‘mattsun-san! im not about to go pick you up from the er again just because makki-san dared you to do something!’

mattsun finally wandered his eyes over to you and he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear

‘thats the thing with you, y/n-chan. youre quick to love others but you lose pieces of yourself in the process. i have no right to tell you who deserves it but please ask yourself, is that sacrifice worth it?’

you knew he wasnt talking about your love for the team

but for the love for a certain setter that didnt go unnoticed by the middle blocker

leave it to mattsun to make you laugh and you were letting out your last giggles as you stepped into the gym

oikawa stopped talking and focused on the two of you, 

more specifically,

you

he watched as you laughed and swatted mattsun’s elbow as he jokingly made fun of your height by resting his arm on top of your head

yes this was what it was supposed to be

you deserved someone who could make you smile and only smile

he doesnt even hesitate but even imagine the tears that would fill those beautiful eyes and he knows it would all be his fault

no

he will stop that from happening way before it would occur

he will do anything to make sure you will never cry because of him so he will distance himself and now, he gives up

it could just be his stress and insecurities talking but he knows right now,

he wants you away from him

oikawa tooru, the boy who could get anyone he wants, couldn’t get the girl he wishes for the most

dear god was it laughable

after practice was finished,

you quietly and quickly packed up the nets and picked up the balls to get yourself out of there

these past few days made you feel so much confusion that it hurts

if there was anything worse than him not talking to you,

it was not knowing why 

that curiosity and desperate need for answers creates wild and self-destructive theories 

did you chew too loudly when you ate?

were you boring and not as fun as the others?

was he angry and humiliated of his pride as a man when you scolded him for paying for you?

has he gotten tired of you now that he knows who you really are?

that last question suddenly created a new set of tears to appear

throughout the day, you were so composed and distracted yourself with the lectures of your teachers and not anything of why this certain brunette was avoiding you

but a single insecure question made that wall crumble and you hurriedly shoved the trolley of balls into the storage room and grabbed your bag before rushing out of there

you sniffled and hurriedly walked home so you could go and cry on your bed in peace

but ofc 

hiroshi natsu exists so ofc he distracted you when you entered the house with a red puffy face

quietly, he led you to the couch and he wordlessly grabbed a tissue box from the coffee table to dab away the tears

you sniffled and clenched your fists to will yourself to stop these dumb salty water drops

‘i cant tell you its going to be okay because i dont want you to cling on to false hope. but i know it hurts. its worse that of all people, oikawa tooru had to be your first ever crush’

he chuckled

you took a shaky breath and wiped your face

‘this was why i shouldnt have liked him. god! all we did was eat dinner and look at the stupid fcking sky! thats it! so why-! why do i suddenly like him?! AM I THAT DESPERATE?!’

you wailed and blew your nose while natsu patted your back

‘i mean,,, to others it sounds like youre easy to sway’

you looked up from the tissue to glare at him but he continued

‘but to me,,,, it sounds like it was just the last push you needed to finally see oikawa tooru in that way’

you nodded, laughing weakly

‘i dont know why im acting like a lunatic like this. hes just a crush anyway so it’ll probably fade in a day or two so bear with me until then, kay?’

but his grim shake of his head gave you no hope

‘rather than fade, it will grow. and i might have to bear with this for the rest of our lives. now you be a bad bitch and sit there and look fine as hell while i go order 10 boxes of pizza and load up teen moms’

the impromptu movie night distracted you a little bit from it all but you still couldn’t help but think about it

GOD WHY WAS NATSU SO DRAMATIC?!

BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOT YOU ARE NOW SITTING IN CLASS, BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES, AND BREAKING YOUR PENCILS IN HALF

all you have to do is make sure you think of oikawa doing something disgusting to make that attraction fade away

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his-

‘y/n?’

you snapped out of your daydream when kunimi reached out to you

kindaichi, who came over for lunch, and him were staring at you in concern and they shared a look

‘y/n, something must’ve happened that day with captain’

kunimi started but kindaichi snapped

‘see?! this is why we shouldve never let you go! the first time you go with him and now youre a mess! tell us! did he force himself on you?! did he-?!’

you stopped the onion top boy with a forced smile and a squeeze on the arm

‘o-oikawa-san would never do that, kindaichi. hes better than that’

‘but clearly not because look at you!’

he shouted and you flinched 

kunimi hurriedly knocked him to the floor

‘get ahold of yourself, kindaichi’

he mumbled and you stood up and walked to the bathroom at the west wing that nobody uses so you could freely cry without any suspicion

was it obvious?

was it clear that you have been a mess after a week of being ignored by oikawa?

nah, youre just being a dramatic little shit

youre sticking to your word of quickly forgetting about the whole ordeal

but you definitely cant if your nightmare was happening before your eyes

as you approached the bathroom from the end of the hallway, 

you saw an unknown girl but an all too familiar boy giggling and rushing to get inside the bathroom

and for good measure, oikawa looked around to make sure no one was there but then he saw you

despite the distance between you, he could see your glistening eyes from the sunlight that seeped in from the big windows

he saw the way your hand trembled and your eyes twitched when haruna poked her head out to see why he was still outside

‘oikawa-senpai~~’

she drawled out and reached a manicured nail to his wrist 

your eyes followed her touch and then you and the boy shared eye contact

through the watery eyes, he could clearly make out your silent plead

please dont go to her

please

stay with me

dont go

but he went in anyways

------

that was the moment you forced yourself to not think about him anymore

as if you werent even working your hardest lately, you will work your hardest now

everything between you and him was now strictly professional as practice that day signified the very first day of your moving on stage

you couldnt believe these past 2 weeks has been a real nightmare yet you were slowly waking up from it

there was nothing you could do about it bc oikawa obviously didnt mean anything he said to you and maybe thats what ticked you off the most

you were easily led on

he blindly tugged you along the moment you saw his smile

he definitely thought of you as just as a game and when he finally got tired and bored, he dropped you and went to another

kunimi and kindaichi noticed the coldness of your eyes and the stoic expression on your face and they were genuinely terrified of you so they didnt want to ask any questions

even with packing up, you aggeressively shoved everything in your bag and the blep boy finally gained the courage and nervously tapped his finger on your desk to gain your attention

you swiftly dropped in your pencil case and looked at him

‘what’

he flinched at the cold tone and his eyes showed concern

‘uh-i-are you okay?’

he slowly asked and you visibly clenched your jaw but you nodded anyways

‘never better’

you didnt bother waiting for him to finish packing up and even passed kindaichi by the door as you were walking towards the girl’s locker room to change into your manager outfit

your entrance to the gym made the noise die down and you noticed the third years with glares on and aggressively practicing

‘whats wrong with all of you’

you asked and iwa scoffed before shaking his head and opening his arm

‘cmere. i missed you’

he said and ngl you were a little confused bc this wasnt something iwa usually did but you still stuck to his side

‘why-’

‘he told me what happened’

iwa whispered and you stiffened in his arms

‘w-what?’

iwaizumi flung the boy to his own bedroom wall

he huffed, panting at both the weight of oikawa tooru and the intense anger that burned through his veins

‘you-you are a piece of shit!’

he shouted and he moved to grab oikawa’s collar and lifted him so the brunette could see the fire and disgust present in his olive eyes

‘you think i didnt see what the hell you did? fcking leaving y/n sobbing as you-you-! AGH!’

iwaizumi couldnt even finish his sentence as he was so angry that he harshly sent oikawa flying back down to his floor

oikawa was crying

not from the beating

but from his regrets

god he knew he messed up

he shouldnt have done it

but he did

iwa ran his hands through his hair and angrily sat on his best friend’s bed, eyes shooting daggers at oikawa

‘right now. tell me the truth right fcking now or so help me god’

he hissed 

oikawa tooru shuffled closer to the wall and brought his knees up to his chest

‘im so scared’

he sobbed

‘im so scared, iwa-chan’

his tears were pouring down and he brought a hand to muffle his cries

‘i-i just w-wanted to-to see something out of her. li-like a reaction! because she wasnt like th-the others! but instead i fell in love! me! and she did too!’

he pointed and quickly stood up, pacing and gripping his hair

‘it was all just for fun! she-she knows im like that! yet she still fell in love with me!’

‘how could you tell she-’

‘BECAUSE OF HER EYES!’

even iwa flinched

‘HER EYES SHOWED ME LOVE! HAPPINESS! AN-AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID?! WHEN SHE GOT HOME?! THROUGH HER WINDOW, I SAW HER DANCING! SO HAPPY SHE WAS DRAGGING THAT BASTARD COUSIN OF HERS AROUND! I DID THAT! I CAUSED THAT!’

there was so much confusion in this poor spiky haired boy bc he knew oikawa was in love with their manager so why is he avoiding her now even though she reciprocates those feelings?

‘im missing something here, oikawa. youre telling me, she loves you, but youre here regretting that?’

his tone of disbelief made oikawa shut his eyes in frustration

‘DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU CALL ME A PIECE OF SHIT EVERYDAY AND I KNOW THAT! I FCKING KNOW THAT IM A PIECE OF SHIT AND A FCKING BASTARD!’

he shrieked

thankfully, his family wasnt home currently to see him breakdown

‘SO WHY THE HELL DO I DESERVE A LITERAL ANGEL?! A GODDESS?! A BEAUTIFUL PERSON FOR ME?! A FCKED UP NARCISSIST EGOTISTICAL IDIOT?! AN IDIOT WHO’S TOO PRIDEFUL TO GET THE HELP HE NEEDS?! I COULD HURT HER! I COULD DESTROY HER IN A SINGLE SNAP! THE SCARIEST FACT IS I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THINKING! I COULD SAY THE WORST THINGS TO HER AND IM SO SCARED THAT I WILL HURT HER! I DONT DESERVE HER, IWA! SHE DESERVES SOME-SOMEONE LIKE YOU! AND IT HURTS TO THINK THAT BUT I DONT CARE! A-AND WHAT IF WE GET TOGETHER?! HM?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT WOULD TAKE HER TILL SHE FINDS SOMEONE BETTER?! HOW MUCH CAN SHE TAKE OF GOING THROUGH EPISODES OF SOME DEPRESSED, INSECURE, PRIDEFUL ASHOLE LIKE ME?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD REALIZE HER SELF-WORTH AND KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SHITTY PERSON I AM?! I CANT-!’

iwaizumi pushed himself up from the bed and rushed to grab his best friend before forcing the brown haired boy to his chest

oikawa tooru was having a panic attack

he heaved and wheezed and loudly let out his cries and iwa made them sit on the floor where he could comfortably cry

‘youre such an idiot, tooru. but she knows that, doesn’t she? she knows who you are, what you are, how you are, your flaws, everything- she knows all that. yet she still fell for you, doesnt that tell you something? for once in your life, consider other people’s feelings before yours. y/n is one hell of a girl and i wont allow you to let her slip past you just like that. i know- we all know- how much of a broken person you are, oikawa, and it hurts us all to know that no matter what we do, we can never fix you. but y/n-gosh, y/n is the only person to even have a chance to do that. and you admitted that youre depressed and you have a problem? well,, get some help for that, oikawa. the first step to be better is by accepting the only person who can accept you for you’

iwaizumi didnt reveal to the other third years of what happened but just said that oikawa did a really terrible thing to you and hes currently repenting for it

however mattsun and makki pretended they didnt hear oikawa regretting it and focused on the fact that the captain even had the NERVE to hurt you

iwa squeezed you tightly and you returned the hug

but he whispered something in your ear

‘everyone makes mistakes, y/n. the only thing we can do is to repent for them’

you pulled away, about to ask him what hes talking about but one look from his eyes made you realize what he was talking about

he mustve known what happened but hes defending him

you clenched your jaw and looked away

‘i destroyed myself for a stupid reason and its one of my regrets. im not going to make the same mistake twice’

you quietly hissed and moved to your station by the bench to begin taking your notes

you noticed that oikawa was late for practice today and although you kinda hate him, you are still a manager first and he was one of your responsibilities

you were about to go to the coach and tell him you’d look for the setter when the gym door slid and in came the devil himself

but there was a large bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lip

your feet moved quicker than the rest of you that you were in front of him in a second

‘what happened to you’

you worriedly asked and oikawa just stared at you

his eyes shook and watered at the sight of you

this was the first time you talked to him without any coldness in your tone and he missed it

he missed hearing you

his silence made you roll your eyes and you roughly grabbed his arm before throwing him on the bench you were sitting on

the team watched, on edge of whats happening, but was put back to practice when you gave them a side-eye

your fingers opened the ointment and your kit to treat the bleeding lip and the swollen side of his face

‘youre the captain. its not wise to fight before practice and be late. youre hindering everyone else’

you coldly scolded and oikawa shrank back

‘it was iwa-chan’

he mumbled and you stopped and quirked an eyebrow

‘what? why did he-’

then you froze

iwa knew

and he beat oikawa up for it

he fought his best friend for it

and iwa didnt look fazed at all

despite being a muscle freak, iwa was very soft and his iron defiency made him prone to bruising

yet why was he so clean

it was like iwa hit oikawa but in turn, the other didnt fight back

no

you must stop

youre overthinking again and youre over analyzing it and youll end up at the place you were before

however

oikawa noticed the dawn of realization on your face and he shakily reached out to touch your hand

‘i,,, didnt. because i deserved it. i-’

he sniffed and you knew he would start crying right now

the last thing he wanted would be to cry in front of the others so you immediately stood up and went to the coach

‘coach, oikawa-san needs treatment that i dont currently have with me. i would need to take him to the infirmary’

he nodded and waved you off so you had the clear

oikawa flinched when you harshly grabbed his arm and pulled him up so he could follow you out the door

it was such an awkward silence between you both but you bit your lip, focusing on the fact that you were just doing this bc he was your obligation

it was like you threw him to one of the cots then you rummaged through the medicine cabinet for an extra cotton ball and a better ointment

‘i fcked up, y/n’

your movements halted and your eyes drifted down, looking at the tiled floor

‘i messed up so bad’

he hoarsely said and you could tell how much pain he was going through by the way he let out a shaky breath

‘oika-’

you made a move to turn around but he stopped you

‘no! dont look at me! just-just dont,,, i cant-i wont be able to say it if i look at you’

he cried and you nodded

oikawa leaned his forehead on his intertwined hands with his eyes on the floor before starting

‘i want to say im sorry. because everything, all of this, it all started as a game to me’

you closed your eyes tightly, tears welling up in your eyes

‘you,,, you didnt bat a single eyelash at me. you didnt try to please me, you didnt chase after me, no, you didnt see me like that. it made me,,, i dont know,,, confused,,, that girls like you even existed. it,,, not gonna lie, ticked me off and i was offended that you brushed me away so easily like i was some,, some bug on your shoulder. so,,, i wanted to see,,, and try,,, if i could make you,,, like me. and i know! i know its messed up but god y/n i swear i didnt want to hurt you. i just,,, i wanted to see if i could ever make you look at me like the way they did but it backfired. i wanted you to chase me but in the end, i ended up chasing after you. i chased and i ran without knowing that you were slowing down for me so i could catch you. that,,, that date made me realize of how,,, how perfect and beautiful you are a-and how unworthy i am to even receive anything from you. i saw how happy you were after that, dancing, twirling that poor idiot around. at first,, it made me so so proud. and so happy that i made you do that. i put those stars from the sky into your eyes and somehow you made them shine much brighter. then,,,, i got scared. i started thinking about,,, about me. and how i am. ive been trying so hard to please other people that ive lost sight of the real me and how terrible i am. and y-you! i just- y/n its so hard for me to explain all this right now- my current mental state, the pain on my face- i cant,,, but at that moment i realized that you,,, you were better off without me. youre so kind, so beautiful, so smart, you could go do so many good things in life. and im just going to hold you back. i didnt want to hurt you so i,,, chose to just cut the string now and,, we wont get hurt later. but,,, i regret it. i regret it so much, y/n. all my life,,, everyone cooed and awed at this child just because of how he looked like and,,, he got used to it. everyone wanted me because i am oikawa tooru but they didnt want the entire oikawa tooru. iwa,,, iwa hit it into my head that,,, you,, were the only one who bothered to even see that side of me’

when he finished, he looked up but gasped at the sight of you standing in front of him

fat tears were rolling down your face and you wore the angriest expression

‘i-,,,i hate you so much, oikawa tooru’

you seethed

your eyebrows were scrunched up together and your nostrils flared as you cried harder and you let out a cry

‘i hate you, i hate you, i hate you’

you chanted and oikawa saw his vision cracking

his world was now falling apart

he did the last thing he would ever do and you were now at your most pained moment

‘youre so selfish, impulsive, and terrible’

you whined and punched his shoulder at each word

‘but i love you so much. i hate you because you made me cry and made me feel so hurt but i still love you. why-why cant you stop playing your games, tooru? stop playing with me now! stop it! stop-!’

you didnt get to say anything else because he grabbed your waist and held you in his arms

it was like you didnt even weigh a thing by the way he lifted you to sit on his lap and he gently led your face to his neck

‘im so sorry’

he repeated constantly while brushing your hair and rubbing your waist

you and oikawa tooru spent an hour sitting on that bed just crying 

after a while, you stopped and resulted to just hiccuping

‘youre selfish, tooru. you listened to yourself and did whatever you wanted rather than talking to me. i hate you but i,,, i love you, oikawa-san. i shouldnt say that but if i dont, im afraid you’ll go ahead and do something stupid again’

he chuckled but he squeezed you tighter

‘i dont,,, want to let you go, y/n-chan. let me be selfish a little longer and love you all to myself’

and by god did he become selfish

it took you a while to get over your defensive and guarded actions from him but you were slowly finding yourself forgiving him

YO IM SORRY BUT I WOULDVE DROPPED HIM LIKE PLEASE WHAT THE HECK Y/N REALLY REALLY LOVES THIS GUY

natsu absolutely despises him still and whenever oikawa even comes over, hes always glaring at him and oikawa would shift uncomfortably but accept it bc he deserved it

‘i didnt realize how badly i hurt you, y/n. i could never imagine you accepting me still. ill spend the rest of my life making it up to you’

he promised and you laughed

you were both lounging on your bedroom floor, mean girls playing in the background, while just staring at the ceiling

you brought your clasped hands up so you could look at it

then a goofy smile settled on your face and you turned to look at him

‘just continue loving me, oikawa-san. thats all i ask for’

then graduation came

of course the boys were all teary but oikawa seemed even more sad and he refused to look at you the whole day

you figured it could just be him being mopey over not seeing you everyday like he was able to before

then you both were walking home and he still hasnt looked at you

the silence was killing you but you just kept a tight grip on his hand and he would smile at you and kiss your hands

it still didnt wash away the odd feeling in your stomach but you would talk to him later after you gave him present

for the weekend, you were able to convince your parents to go on a beach trip at okinawa while you made natsu go over to tokyo and stay with katsuki

oikawa didnt know your family was out so he stood by your door, waiting for you to enter

you both stood there, staring at the floor, not knowing what to say

until you softly grabbed his hand

‘come in. i want,,, to talk’

you mumbled and oikawa’s eyes widened, silently panicking that you possibly found out

it was a secret not even iwaizumi knew so you couldnt have known

right?

you led him up to your room and pushed him down to sit on your bed

FLKDSJFLKDJ WHY AM I DOING THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS

ALSO Y/N IS NOW 17 ON THIS YOU GUYS LIKE BLS SHES ONE OF THE OLDEST IN HER CLASS BC HER BIRTHDAY SITUATION SO SHES BEYOND THE AGE OF CONSENT IN JAPAN, RIGHT?

oikawa was confused and he watched you bite your lip and look off to the side

‘y/n-chan? why are you nervous? you said you wanted to talk?’

he asked

but you unzipped your skirt and let it drop on the floor

‘for graduating,,, and working hard for these years,,, im giving you this’

you finally met his eyes

then he knew

oikawa blanched and he quickly stood up and placed his hands on your shoulder

‘y-y/n! uh-i-are you sure? a-arent you-’

‘accept it, tooru. youre,,, my first love,,, so,,,, ill give you my other first’

KSDLFJSDKFJSDLK OKAY YALL LETS STOP THERE FOR NOW AND GO TO THE TIMESKIP OKAY?

OKAY

-----

oikawa was running in the airport

despite the shouts of civilians he accidentally pushed, he made no sign of stopping and if anything, ran faster till he reached outside

the rush of his sudden trip home was clear as he was only carrying a duffel bag full of clothing he hurriedly stuffed inside 

when he met the orange ninja boy in brazil, he quickly caught up with his underclassman and got drinks to talk about japan the last 2 years of his career

they both got simple beers and some appetizer to share as they reminisced the past

hinata was excitedly talking about the reconciliation of kindaichi and kageyama and how they were still enemies on court but were now friends

‘eh~? tobio-chan making up with kin-chan? what’s next? flying sushi?’

he joked and hinata laughed

‘it was partly of your manager, oikawa-san! she helped them make up!’

the previous smile on oikawa’s face slipped at the mention of you 

‘hmm,,,, she always made the impossible happen’

he mumbled and hinata nodded

‘l/n-chan became close to kageyama through kindaichi and kunimi and she would bring us food and stuff too! but only on times she wasn’t busy’

the ninja said and dipped his chip into the salsa while oikawa stared at the liquid

‘you guys must be special for her to go all the way to karasuno’

then hinata said something that caused the brunette’s ears to fall deaf to the loudness of the bar

‘it wasn’t a problem since coach ukai took care of her son’

oikawa didnt even give hinata another word when he rushed out of that bar after overcoming his shock and straight into his apartment

there were tears that blurred his vision as he shoved in shirts and pants and other necessities for a trip to japan

he argued with the front desk lady to give him a ticket to the earliest flight to japan despite her saying that it was hard to give him a seat when the plane was full

but luck seemed to pity this baby daddy as someone pulled their ticket out and he was able to take it for himself

it was the longest journey of his life and his hour long layover gave him an opportunity to call the only person he thought would even know where you were

iwaizumi

oikawa paced at the waiting lobby with his phone pressed to his ear as he listened to the ringing of his call

he bit his lip in anticipation and ran his fingers through his hair for the upteenth time until finally it was picked up

‘damn you, shittykawa, do you understand what time-’

‘iwaizumi, is y/n still in japan?’

of course his best friend was startled with the question as the setter hasnt asked him any question related to you in a few years

‘wha-how the hell am i supposed to know that? im in california, oikawa’

‘dont lie to me. she still talks to you since youre probably the godfather of my son’

he hissed and iwaizumi was now fully awake and his heartbeat was beating quite quickly 

how did he figure out

‘oi, oikawa, listen to me she-’

‘please! dont!’

he shouted and didnt care if he startled anyone else around him

‘dont lie to me! of all people! you dont lie to me!’

‘why should i tell you when you were the one who up and ran? huh?’

oikawa fell silent and iwaizumi could hear his sobs through the phone

iwa sat up on his bed, leaning against the wall as he contemplated revealing this secret you begged him to keep since his best friend sounded like he was on the verge of breaking apart

poor oikawa tooru already suffered so much

‘i swear youre going to make me regret this. but y/n is in,,,, tokyo and,,,,, she,,,,,, didnt want you to know about,,,, about everything. well-she did want to tell you but she had her own reasons not to and,,, and its perfectly valid for her to choose whatever she wanted. and yes, i knew and yes, i am his godfather but please, oikawa, whatever you do, dont go to japan, you understand? shes still hurt by it, idiot, and shes angry and you sound angry and-’

but of course,

oikawa didnt listen and he hung up but continued his pacing but this time, tears blurring his vision

the taxi driver noticed his frazzled expression and quickly stopped in front of him

oikawa gratefully hopped in and quickly told the driver the address he forced out of iwaizumi (with great reluctance)

‘this is the last time, understand me, tooru? youve already hurt her so many times and i cant bear to see it all over again so you need to fix it. but you mess this up again, not only will you lose her, you’ll lose me too’

the old man felt sorry for the young lad and stepped on the pedal to get him to his destination in the quickest time 

the apartment building was several stories tall yet the elevator ride felt like a snap when he finally arrived at the floor your apartment was supposedly on

what the real kicker was when he stood outside your door and he hesitated

would you let him in?

would you even want to see him?

would you punch him?

would you cry?

he was so worried but didnt realize that he already pushed the doorbell and a faint shout from inside made his heart jump

‘UNCLE KYOOoooo,,,,,’

the door opened and the boy’s voice went quiet, knowing this wasnt the man he was expecting and he quickly and harshly slammed the door shut to his face

oikawa was stunned

was this the right apartment?

did iwaizumi trick him?

but those thoughts were wiped away when the door opened again and a girl was softly chiding the boy before turning around with a smile to greet the person but then it fell

similar to her son, she slammed the door shut and oikawa panicked

‘y-y/n? h-hey!’

he exclaimed and with a clenched fist, he stood there

you were hyperventilating inside

how did he find you?

why is he here?

does he know?

‘mama? who’s that oji?’

the bright eyes of yozora looked up at you and you blinked, briefly seeing the man behind the door at the face of your son

you sucked in a deep breath before smiling lightly

‘yoyo-kun, can you go play with dino-kun while mama and oji talk?’

yozora blinked back up at you before shrugging and nodding and running off to your shared room

once he was gone, you quickly composed yourself and opened the door again, shocked to see oikawa already half-way down the hallway to the elevator

‘would you like some tea before you go?’

you called out and he stopped, almost giving himself whiplash at how fast he turned his head

it was like his instincts took over when your voice started speaking to him

as if he was 18 again, oikawa found himself trailing after your voice and you nervously led him inside

his eyes were moving really fast as if he wanted to quickly soak it all in before it would disappear

this was where you lived

with your son

who was his son too

there was a picture by the door of you and the little boy from earlier

it was at the planetarium nearby and tooru’s heart bloomed at the sparkle in that child’s eyes

jesus, he was beautiful

‘yozora. thats his name’

you said, noticing him staring at the picture

KDFLJSDKFSD PRINCE NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM BABIESSS!!!

‘night sky’

oikawa whispered

the teapot was still hot and you were able to pour him a cup so you both sat on the dining table where he sat across from you

‘n-nice place’

he stuttered out

you nodded, tracing the rim of your own cup

‘its natsu’s and katsuki’s actually. my parents kicked me out so they offered to let me stay with them’

you reasoned, not meaning to sound cold but it came out as if you were being passive agressive

‘o-oh? ho-how is he-’

‘oikawa-san, what are you doing here?’

he visibly flinched

calling him by his last name stung since you called him ‘tooru’ the whole relationship so returning to his surname is your way of cutting off the whole thing

‘i,,, i found out. a few days ago. from shoyo. he told me their coach looked after yozora and,,, i knew he is,,, mine’

you let out a humorless chuckle

a scoff

then you looked up to meet his gaze, oikawa gulping at the hardness in your eyes

‘what makes you think so? what makes you think that i wasnt angry and spiteful enough to give myself to someone else so they could have what the great oikawa tooru had? what makes you think that i would remain loyal to you despite you just running off to the other side of the fcking world without a word? hm? oikawa-san? what.makes.you.think.so?’

out of guilt, he broke the stare to his own steaming cup of green tea

‘nothing’

you whispered

he shakingly sighed and you could tell he was about to cry

but you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms

‘go ahead and cry, oikawa-san. im used to temper tantrums. i have a son for god’s sake’

‘you would never do that to me, y/n. you promised that you would always love me and only me and i know you take promises to your grave’

he reasoned but it sounded like it was him convincing himself

the dry laugh you let out made him fidget

‘and you promised that you would always talk to me and communicate. yours is a much lighter and easier promise than mine yet you get to break it and i can’t? no, oikawa-san. to me, its like that year never even happened’

you were now just trying to rile him up due to your anger towards him

you shouldve let him walk to the elevator and leave and never come back

but you still invited him in anyways

oikawa snapped his head up

‘you cant say that or mean it, y/n. that boy over there, hes a reminder of me. he looks exactly like me so you cant ever forget what we have’

‘what he had. it was simply the past, years ago, and everything has changed since then. dont you dare try to dig up buried secrets, oikawa’

‘but why did you keep him from me?’

he pleaded, desperate for any answer as to why

‘i had every right. the moment you boarded that plane, he no longer was yours. you left, i stayed, and you cant just come back here and-’

‘mama?’

a small voice from the corner halted your loud voice and you and tooru looked at him

oikawa yozora was exactly like his father

from his loud and obnoxious personality to even the brown hair and brown eyes

KFDSLJFKDS REMEMBER THAT KID FROM OLD UKAI’S VOLLEYBALL CLUB?! THATS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!!

he looked absolutely nothing like you and people even get confused when you say hes your son

um maam i think hes my son since he came out of me

so oikawa was right

yozora was your daily reminder of the mistakes of your youth but he was anything but that as he is the greatest thing to ever happen to you

yozora became your light when you fell into depression after oikawa ran away

sure, your parents absolutely loathed poor child as he is a child of a child

but you kept him because he means the world to you

and the world he holds are in his eyes

‘i,, i heard yelling,,, and,,, thought mama and oji were sad,,, so,,, i bring my,,, star book because,,, it makes me happy,,, and i think,,, mama and oji will,,, be happy too’

he mumbled out and you smiled at him before moving to go to him but oikawa stopped you

his eyes begged you and you glared at him, deciding to withdraw

if he decides to do anything, you could always knee him between the legs

he slowly approached yozo and kneeled down to reach eye-level

‘hello, my name is oikawa tooru’

he softly introduced himself and yozora just stared at him

‘you oikawa too? but i oikawa! mama is he me?!’

yozora shouted and you giggled, running to take him into your arms

‘oh, darling, how curious you are. oji isnt you, baby. he just,,, has the same last name as you. like mama has hers but you have,,, oji’s’

your eyes drifted to oikawa but he remained on the floor, staring at the spot where yozo stood on

you kept his last name

you listened to him from that night at the hill by naming his son after the night sky

my god, you are so,,, 

‘--the book. oji? do you?’

he was brought back to reality when your son was now back on the floor and poking his shoulder

tooru blinked and looked at him

‘huh?’

‘i ask if you want to read my book with me, oji. mama say she happy but you still sad so my book make you happy’

not even an hour of meeting him, oikawa tooru already loves him

the volleyball player nodded and yozora offered a tiny hand to which he accepted

‘this way. mama say to read so she make food. i like food, do you like food, oji? i like food. i like milk bread. mama say papa like it so i like what papa like. i want papa to come home. sit there’

tooru’s heart beat faster every word his child uttered and it even went faster when he saw yozo struggle to get up on the couch

the pair of big hands that brought him on the cushion made him happily sigh then uttered a small ‘thank you’

‘my mama say that my papa give me my book and say to take care of it until he come back. and she say he come back when im a master of space! so i study and read my book every day and know all so papa can hurry home!’

tooru didnt even notice tears falling down his face until yozo blinked up at him with his small hands grasping his cheeks to wipe it off

‘why you cry, oji? no sad! no sad! here! i read my book so you not cry’

he babbled and quickly pried the book open and read out the words on the page, not realizing he was saying most of it wrong

that book was oikawa’s

the book that he read all the time in the bus and now, it was passed on to his son

you leaned against the wall and gasped at the sight of yozo just babbling and oikawa crying

‘yoyo-kun? what did you do to tooru?’

you fussed and sat down next to oikawa

yozo worriedly looked at him and now his own eyes were watering and soon enough, you have 2 boys crying in your living room

GURL IM SORRY BUT I WOULDA KICKED OUT OIKAWA LIKE NOT EVEN OFFER HIM TEA OR ANYTHING IM SORRY IM TIRED AND IDK WHATS GOING ON

‘a-ah, y-yozo! yozo-kun! oji is,,, just,,, uh,, sad because,, because pluto isnt a planet anymore!’

yozo sniffled and he went closer to oikawa

‘me too, oji. yoyo sad too because pluto is just small. other planet are onii-chan and onee-chan but pluto is baby so they not like him’

he rambled and oikawa pulled him closer

‘mama, can we keep oji? nana-san and katsu-san will like him! promise!’

you couldnt even believe what was going on right now

not only did your baby daddy ex-boyfriend suddenly pop up, your son was now wanting to keep him

you made a move to of course deny his request but oikawa opened his mouth first

‘yozora-kun, of course you could keep me. im your papa, after all’

OKAY THAT WAS IT

YOU DID NOT WANT HIM TO SAY THAT TO YOZORA

out of shock, you slapped him across the face

causing yanno what happened

oikawa screamed

a/n: yoooooo SO LIKE THIS IS RIDICULOUS LIKE THIS IS BOOTY IM SORRY BUT THIS IS ALSO IN MY GOING TO EDIT LIST AND I CHOSE THIS OUT OF MY 10 OTHER VERSIONS OF THIS ROUTE AND I MAY OR MAY NOT RELEASE ANOTHER ONE JUST TO MAKE UP FOR IT. but try not to let this flop 🥺 👉👈

ALSO CHI THAT K+Y AND THE T+Y IS ON THE WORKS RN AND IM LIKE HALF WAY DONE SO I MIGHT RELEASE THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[haikyuu-bf-scenarios]

Yamaguchi Tadashi: First Meeting

*edited*

• okay so like quick note: I know yamaguchi isn’t canonly lactose intolerant but I headcanon him as such and he will be in this series

• so youre a second year, right

• you have a job, because youre almost an adult

• you work at a coffee shop selling half-good caf to half-dead students

• high school and college alike

• and you work during the night, almost the entirety (start at 19.00 and go til 3.00)

• not good for your sanity by the way

• so you catch all the kids pulling allnighters

• you’ve managed to become acquaintances with a few college kids and they keep giving you nice tips, both money and school wise

• you only really use one of those

• and there’s this one kid

• probably younger than you tbh cause he is

• that comes in at like 9 every night without fail

• he goes to your school, seems to be coming from sports practice, and always

• and I mean always,

• asks for almond milk

• and your store never has it, never

• you don’t know why but it never does

• so the kid just gets soy milk and looks a little deflated each time

• and you feel bad

• because he’s shy

• and hes cute

• and he just wants almond milk goddammit!

• so one day, as youre going to work, you pass by the grocery store

• and theyre having a sale

• on almond milk

• you decide, completely on impulse, that you know what fuck it

• im gonna buy that boy some almond milk

• and so you do, two cartons, because they were on sale

• at 9 something, when he comes in, he comes up to the counter and before he can even ask youre saying “the usual right?” and scampering around already making his drink

• because you got him almond milk, and youre excited

• im stressing the fact that you got him almond milk because its fucking important okay

• he’s already confused because you always just took his order, no indication that you had memorized it

• and youre like brighter than the sun right now when usually youre v tired

• he pays you and takes his drink when you finish and 

• youre looking at him so expectantly, like you really want to see his reaction to the almond milk

• he takes a sip as he turns away so he can go do his homework at a table

• and he stops mid leave and looks at his cup weirdly, glances at you, takes another sip, and then turns to you to answer a question

• he kinda gaps for a few seconds because youre holding your head in your hands, looking at him with wide eyes, and are biting your lip in anticipation

• and you look adorable 

• “wha- uh... did you guys get different milk? it- it tastes... different”

• look at him all cute stumbling for words

• fucking adorable

• anyway, you’re grinning now

• like full on cheshire grin

• and you practically bounce when you answer

• “the shop didn’t. but since you always ask, i went and bought some.”

• our boy is extra shook now

• you bought the milk??? for him???

• you see this scared look on his face and youre like oh no

• “does it not taste good???”

• now he’s even more frantic

• like “no no, it tastes great, fantastic! i was just upset that you spent your own money to get me almond milk!”

• and youre like “no its fine! the milk was on sale, so i didnt spend too much! im glad you like it!”

• and he’s like “thank you so much, i’ll make sure to make it up to you”

• and youre like “no no, its fine! its my gift to you for being so adorable!”

• and his like “what?!”

• and youre like “whaaat”

• you’ve both stopped talking at this point, beet-fucking-red

• he takes another tiny sip of his coffee and mumbles another thank you before scurrying over to his table

• you lay youre head on the counter and he lays his head on the table

• because youre both cute, embarrassed, high school students

• and you havent realized it until this point but

• you hear a few snickers and you both shoot up because fuck 

• there are other people in this cafe

• that just watched that entire thing happen

(the prompt i used for this was based off a story someone told on tumblr, i saw it on pinterest and the name was cut off so i cant credit someone for inspiration but it’s out there I just have to find it first)

masterlist

Second Encounter

[oscarryanchronicles]

I dont know what im doing

i mean that in every way. i dont know what im doing making this tumblr account at 1am in the morning. i dont dont what im doing with me life in general. i dont know why im typing all this shit on here like someones gonna see it and come give my life some fucking direction. ive been told that writing down your feelings can help your mental state but thats kinda hard when you dont really feel anything. what do i feel. i feel useless. i feel like no one really cares much about me. i feel like nothing i do is going to give my life any meaning. and i know that makes me seem depressing as fuck but for real whats the point of being alive. if i had motivation i could work hard and get myself the life that i really want of travelling, going on adventures, spending my existence enjoying it. if i was born into money that lifestyle would be easily obtainable and im sure id have other problems its not like having money is the only factor in determining happiness and fulfillment but it sure would make the process of finding meaning easier. and i cant even complain about my life that much. i wasnt physically abused my parents provided for me everything that i needed. my dad was a dick and apparently some of this shit he used to do would class as abuse but idk to me it didnt seem that bad. i just wish i could go back and change so much about my past but i cant and i dont even know if that would fix any of my problems. i wish i didnt move out of home when i was 17 with no plans to a city 5 hours from any of my family. i didnt even tell my parents i was leaving because at that point i didnt have a good relationship with them. my relationship with them has gotten a lot better but i wish it didnt take leaving and not talking to them for months for them to start caring. im 20 now i hate that i still let the past affect me that was 3 years ago and i cant go back in time to change shit so just move the fuck on and get over it. in those 3 years ive dropped out of 2 uni degrees. the first one i stuck with for a year and the second i dropped out in less than a month. impressive right. i have no idea what i want to do with my life. actually i think the problem is that i want to do too much but dont have the discipline to stick with anything long enough to achieve anything towards what i want. i sometimes think i have adhd because i cant concentrate on anything apart from the occasional thing i get hyperfixated on and spent all my time on for a few days until i get bored of that as well and ditch it never to touch it again. i have 3 instruments, a kayak, a sewing machine, embroidery shit, heaps of other shit just lying around because i impulsively thought yes im gonna commit to this and then never did. the only times i ever really feel happy are at like 5:30am at sunrise and the world is quiet and the sky looks nice and its just me chilling and i forget about my responsibilities for an hour or so until the sun comes up and eveything goes back to normal. the worst part about that tho is that i usually cant even force myself to get up and be happy for that hour or so. If i dont have to be up for anything ill sleep for 18 hrs a day which is annoying cause ill try to do something but ill just be so tired for no reason. like bro i just woke up 30 minutes ago and i slept 18 hrs yesterday how am i tired. one of my frineds thinks im depressed which i probably am but i haent gone to the doctor in a long time. part of me wants to just take all the drugs to try to feel happy but another part of me is like nah better not while just being a miserable fuck. i dont like being miserable so i should do something about it. but then the lack of motivation and discipline come into play again. i dont know why im typing this and no ones even gonna read it and ill probably forget about this account and post and everything by tomorrow anyway

[captainjellyart]

id like to know the 'full story' if its not a problem....! if u dont wanna post it here or whatever dont worry tho cause it's understandable!! i hope u feel better super soon, no matter what happened...!

wahh i tried re-uploading the livestream onto dailymotion but it exceeded the upload limit oops ;;

i’ll just try and write the explanation under the cut. its gonna be long af, but i dont wanna leave out any details because i dont want people to take this story the wrong way. (sorry mobile users lol)

TW: animal death.

about a month ago, me and my roommate went and got two baby bearded dragons from a pet store. i was planning on adopting/rescuing an adult one, but we were looking on all the adoption sites, and we calculated that just straight up getting one was cheaper at the time. the particular pet store we went to has a reputation of not taking care of their animals, but it was sort of an impulse trip. (the trip to go get them was impulse, but i have lots of experience with bearded dragons and have been planning on getting one of my own for a while now.)

my roommate got the male, “Spam”, and i got the female, “Vienna”.

we kept them in the same tank for a couple weeks, but we kept an eye on them in case they started showing aggression towards each other. they never did, but we eventually separated them anyway. Spam wasnt eating as well as Vienna, so we fed him separately-- but then Vienna was the one who wasnt eating well, so we tried to feed her separately. Spam got better, but... Vienna didnt.

after a couple days of feeding her through one of my un-used t-shot syringes, one day i burst out crying because i thought she was dying. i called multiple vets, and only one was available asap.

we took her to the emergency vet, and the doctor didnt say we were doing anything wrong in particular. she just said she was in critical condition, and she had less than 50% chance in surviving. she gave us the option of putting her down right then and there, or try to nurse her back to health (which could take weeks). me and katie desperately wanted to help her, so we decided to take her back home with the medical supplies provided by the vet.

this was around the time when i opened up the emergency commissions, because the vet bill was super high. i borrowed money from my brother, and he needed to be paid back asap. for the next couple days, we fed her the prescribed medicine every hour on the hour. we did daily treatments and gave her a ton of TLC.

but,,, when we thought she was finally getting better,,, one day, she slowly passed away in my hands.

i havent felt so much of a failure in a long ass time. i beat myself up for being so stupid as to buy a sickly animal from a pet store which i knew had a bad reputation for carelessly breeding their animals, and i hated the fact that i supported such a corporation. but after a day of sobbing, i came to a conclusion.

the more time i spend mourning over her, the less time i spend saving another family member.

the next day, we held a little funeral with my roommates in our yard. i decorated the box i put her in, and we all had a ceremony in her honor. as soon as we buried her; we all went immediately to get another one.

i didnt talk about any of this publically for a while, and i wasnt planning on doing so, because i know this story story so far can rub some people the wrong way. we absolutely loved and adored Vienna, and we did everything we could to keep her healthy and alive. i mourned and had closure on her behalf, and im still mourning. remember that everyone mourns differently, and i dont want anyone to think i didnt care about her or think im simply replacing her.

now with that out of the way: again-- i wanted to adopt/rescue, and i didnt mind getting an adult. but at this point, we already had a setup for a baby beardie and it was going to be a while before we were able to upgrade. but all the adoption sites didnt have any beardies that were under 1 years old, so i did my research and went to a place where they took wonderful care of their animals.

i asked if there were any older beardies, but the only stock they had were these fresh babies that they just got the day before. i was skeptical on getting one, since i didnt wanna fuck up because baby beardies are super super fragile. but i couldnt leave without one, so we picked one we fell on love with and checked out.

again; i dont want anyone to think that im simply replacing Vienna. but since Vienna lived such a short life, and she came from such a terrible birthplace-- in honor of her struggle, we named this baby after her. thus; this new baby is dubbed “Vienna the II”. i know people are going to think its stupid, but i was already attached to the name and i wanted to try really hard to keep her name and memory alive.

so- in case anyone was wondering why “Vienna” is so much smaller now, and why we call her “the second”-- this is why. keep in mind that every animal we take into our lives; we are 1000% dedicated to keeping for the duration of their lives. they arent just pets, they are family to us. please respect the memory of Vienna the I.

oof, sorry for the sad sob story. if youre wondering why im so inactive online nowadays, its because im having some relapses in depression and im giving as much TLC to my animals as i can at the moment. ill be a little more active soon.

[goatlingsvent]

"weve gotten to the point where 10m being "overpriced" is scary" let me stop you right here cuz about not even 4 months ago or something it was considered a fair price to be going with 3-5m when i had asked myself in the discord before so this now being NORMAL is what got me so shocked when i tried getting into the goat discord again. nyeow before anyoen says anything dumb me thinking its unreasonable isnt because i dont want to pay artists but bc IM FUCKING POOR and MOST USERS ive seen cannot afford that asking price without saving and causing a dent in their hard earned savings for art. i literally would commission artists with art thats good for that price if it wasnt for the fact that on goatlings that ss price isnt a gagillion dollars to me. making ss in goats being so hard this is the reason why the prices on EVERYTHING on this website on member shops are so hyperinflated besides the worth of it being rare

while the IDEA of like real money to ratio ss isnt gnna be perfect we have to keep in mind here just because thats the real life equivalent for DD to ss that doesnt mean its a normal price people can normally afford in goatlings..

like danm this wasnt even a debatable opinion i wanted to talk abt i just wanted to complain about these RICHIES on GOATLINGS DOT COM COMPLAINING about when they blow their fucking money on art and being like "TEEHEE I SHOULDNT SPEND IT ILL BE SOOO BROKE AFTER" when i and many other users dont even make the kind of bank these people will put on their savings with their expensive rare items that theyll end up selling and making back . thats my problem it feels really weirdly tone deaf and like a flex of their impulsivity trust i think paying artists fair is a hard thing to figure out on goats considering new artists are starting w comms for money but i cannot ignore how hyperinflation had a hand in that one

i rlly didnt mean for like to have to try to explain myself here and i didnt think the hyperfixating on a point i wasnt even trying to talk agout would happen to me but i guess the infection spreads. /j but im doing it anyway hi hello donot tjink im mad at artists im mad at rich people who dont draw 😭 i am not one of those people that would karen an artist IM ONLY SAYING THIS BECAUSE TJE GOATLINGS DISCORD HAS SCARRED ME SO MUCH AND MADE ME HAVE TO SPECIFY MY POINT INB4 I GET TONE POLICED💔 bless

i also talked to ym friend abt this and they said the ratio for dd to ss only ever really was supposed to apply to adoption tickets only and thats what i tried asking n thats how i found out abt the uh 10m thign and the people there didnt even answer my question and i doubt the mods are gnna remember with how ghey cant even do their job answer questions correctly without havign to ask kris or the other mods abt it ermmm Hiiii 🧸

💗

[rockformed]

All the emojis. All. of. them.

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

umm not to be That Depressing Bitch but back in 2016 i was in a really bad place and considered running away from home and maybe something else bad but course i didnt in the end and im glad i never did

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

my friends who live in different states or countries :’(

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

CELEBI is my all time favorite cause the first piece of pokemon media i ever saw was the movie with them in it!!

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

NO MORE CAPITALISM

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

it’s a long one but the TLDR of it is that i was an orphan being raised by a strange man living on the outskirts of a post-apocalyptic town and the dream felt like it lasted for days

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

god he has such a fucking good sense of humor and he makes me laugh harder than anyone ever has

😘 talk about your crush or partner

they’re really funny and i just love being around them all the time, no matter what we’re doing. it just feels natural 

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

only if it was like, being purposely really rude, otherwise no

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

uhhh physically or otherwise?? physically i really like my hands, my legs and my hair :>

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

we talkin phobia’s or innermost fears?? im really scared of the dark but also im really scared that no one will ever love me the way i love them lmao annnd overcoming it?? im really not sure

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

my best friend, my cat and drawing

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i hate hate hate it when people brag, even the tiniest amount. i dont really know why

😤 do you get angry easily?

ehhhh depends what im getting angry at. with politics i get really into it but otherwise, nah

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

.....................uhh....... not to be corny but being in love

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

i would change the way we treat the earth, the way we treat each other, and also i’d want it to be so that everyone has a chance at doing what they really want to do with their lives (not to sound like a miss america contestant or anything)

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

you didnt send me 4 names anon :p

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

ugh, tied between tokyo and stockholm sweden. tokyo because i absolutely love everything about it, the transportation the shops the food the homes, and stockholm for basically the same reasons.

☕️ talk about your ideal day

playing video games with my friends or being out at my art school all day, drawing :3c

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

intro. i love my friends and im getting more comfortable around people, but i just prefer to be home.

💧 when was the last time you cried?

the beginning of april

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

grandson - 6:00, any beach boys song, robert palmer - simply irresistible, john waite - missing you, and the entirety of gorillaz new album

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

flight!! ive always had the fantasy of flying up into really tall trees and just people watching all day

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont put so much stock into one skill, diversify yourself. and do your homework

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

ive noticed lately that i get jealous really easily when someone i dont know is hanging out with friends of mine. its a me issue though, i know that

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

ugh. this is a hard one....... i think .......kindness

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

im ashamed of the fact that i dont know how to flirt at ALL because i feel like i’d be further along with Some Stuff if i did 

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

just english ;; i know a tiny bit of spanish and i can understand it on paper, but thats it. id love to learn japanese or hebrew someday

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

oooooohhhh man, probably mccree from overwatch. prime boyfriend material and just my type. i love roadhog but he is like......... a criminal

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

everyone is happy and never has to worry about any financial issues or prejudice, just free to explore their passions until the day that they die.

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

uhh its pretty late in the day but i always make it a point to compliment people’s outfits in public, it always seems to make people happy :p

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

easy. id transform into a shapeshifter B)

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

i really hate people who take advantage of artists on this website and vice versa. 

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

i feel like im running out of time to be a kid and im not gonna have time to have fun anymore. im also scared about my future in general. im sad i dont get to spend as much time with my friends. lots of things

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be a concept artist, and i still want that!! specifically, a character designer :]

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

chocolate anything

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

does ‘the internet’ count? im pretty sure ive never spent more than a couple days away from a computer

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

my mind races and i think everyone either hates me or thinks i hate them

😪 what are you sick of?

you know what im sick of??? capitalism

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

YES!!! i love roller coasters and thrill rides, i’ve always wanted to go bungee jumping and sky diving, and im actually going zip-lining in september!!!

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

i think everyone takes at least one thing way too seriously, everyone should just chill

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

i think im an okay person, definitely not bad, and i try my best to present myself in the nicest, friendliest, most approachable way all the time ;_;

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

art, singing, video games, youtube, and i practice guitar now!!

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

actually....,,.,.,. it was Stronger than you....,.,.,. i hummed it on the way out of my art class today

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

i get way too jealous and hurt if i ever perceive anyone better than me, i feel like i need to be better than the best i know, i try to one up people subconsciously. i need to figure out a way to be more humble and stop trying to be the best, cause it just hurts everyone involved, including myself

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

cute girls!! in cute outfits :-)

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

age, mostly, and experience. and money. damn you capitalism

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

i couldn’t give two shits. i took that test years ago and i dont remember or care anymore

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

anon did you even read these questions or did you send this on impulse

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

iiiiii dont really like celebrities that much!! all the ones i liked are dead :(

🐴 opinion on __?

anon..................

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

yeah, way too much. i care too much, and i love too much, and it hurts after a while

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

iiiiiii dont really read anymore :|

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i try my best to never think of whats making me sad. just try my hardest to get it off my mind. i think it helps just as much as it can hinder

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

my friends and my family love me, and if i go they’ll be really disappointed. also i’ll miss all the cool new video games if i go

🌍 which country do you live in?

the usa, unfortunately

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

round, troubled, red

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.” Robin Williams

💭 do you keep a diary?

nooo but i really should

💫 who inspires you?

my mom cause she does what she needs to every day even though sometimes she hates it. and also robbin williams, see above. he was my idol :’)

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes, cause that’d be cool. also i think we have one in our house, but she’s chill

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

either no effort or all the effort. i like cute things and also leather things

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

meet the robinsons. only movie that ever made me really cry.

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

being in my after-school care, and playing with my friends for hours on end, making up stories 

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

robin williams, see 💫

[sapphicnausicaa]

hey real quick where's our fucking uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh trans Johnny content? We know RJ is nb but what! about! johnny!?!

ANON YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!! WE NEED MORE TRANS JOHNNY CONTENT!!!!! AND I HAVE A GIFT OF A BUNCH OF HEADCANONS FROM WHEN HE FIGURES OUT HES TRANS FOR YOU!!!! (and a few from before he figures it out that are based off my experiences!!!) 

He couldnt stand longer hair from a young age, it alway drove him crazy (because it was considered more of a ‘girls’ hair, it just got in the way, and the feeling of it made him so angry) so he would cut his own hair against his mothers wishes, but she learned that if she didnt want him to cut his own hair she would have to

Thought he was one of the coolest girls because he was considered ‘one of the boys’ before he knew being trans was A Thing

Felt more and more uncomfortable with being referred to as a girl as gender got more of a meaning while growing older and didnt know why

Felt like he was THRIVING whenever he got ‘mistaken’ for a boy and didnt know why it would make him SO HAPPY!!! For the rest of the day

Always wanted to be a boy in the back of his head, a recurring passing thought, but didnt know he could be until he learns about being trans when RJ came back with their Knowledge™

(on a side note, max also figured out he was trans from the same band rj did. Years later they figure this out and same hat it)

Immediately started yelling about how that was him!!!! He is that now!!!! Hes boy!!!!!! Because he can do that!!!!!

Decided moments after that his new name was JOHNNY who cares if thats just switching the ‘h’ and ‘o’s places in his last name he can do what he wants and NO ONE can stop him!!!!

The Jang was so hyped for him and RJ, they held a celebration for them with as much good junk food and movies they could get with the money they stole from other kids

They also went around to any places they had graffitied with their names and wrote over johnny’s old name with his new one

(they didnt need to do this for RJ because they were already going by RJ by then)

When he went home he was so excited he jumped on his exhausted mom who was just trying to nap after a long work day and screamed about how he was a boy now cause ‘you can do that!!!!!’

His mother was super confused about what was going on it but took it in stride like all things johnny does when he jumps on her in the middle of an after work nap

Once she understood what was going on and that it wasnt just a ‘johnny impulse’ she did her best to spend part of her (very little) freetime learning about how to help her son in transitioning, the dos and donts, and correcting any behavior that upsets her son

They make a jar (a big one) to collect money for any future items/medical things he might need in the future but its slow going since his mom only makes so much, and if theres an emergency they have to take money out because its tight

Johnny makes sure to announce that he is a boy-boy now, not a girl who is ‘considered one of the boys’ when he goes back to school

Almost all of kids he and rj tell about their new gender statuses accept it pretty much right away or have reactions similar to eds when he learned that RJ was non binary

The kids that dont accept it right away, or at all get beat up by the jang and learn that the jang wont stand for such bullshit

and thats the first part of them!!!! im working on some more but i want to finish my headcanons for his childhood and homelife before i post anymore!!!

if anyone has any to add or any suggestion PLEASE send them in!!! 

[caperantagonist]

thinkin bout my mental

the more i read about adhd from people who have it im like

i know im probably autistic and a lot of stuff crosses over but like. so much stuff for this makes sense to me do i id as adhd now? am i adhd/add? cutting bc im just thought vomiting

i feel like nothing fits me fully, its just most stuff. i have girl autism and a lot of adhd stuff but a lot of it crosses over and getting an actual diagnosis rn is impossible

adhd things i relate too hard to (symptoms according to health line cause I can’t find another comprehensive list)

- hyperfocus - lack of focus (I phase out of conversations all the time) - executive dysfunction (this is a RLY bad thing for me) - task planning (i have to manage everything bit by bit but also all at the same time and it can be very overwhelming. like, i have to do everything on one day or i die bc i dont wanna do things multiple days a week) - forgetfulness (brain go brrrrrrrr) - impulsiveness (i have to do things. like, idk why. i have to or i get in like, physical pain/i can’t do anything else its weird) - mood swings (idk if this is bpd or depression or adhd stuff, but small things like lag on voice/in game makes me SO STRESSED OUT) - poor self image (body dysmorphia hits hard) - anxiety and fidgeting (i stim a lot by holding stuff and folding it or making patterns with it, and I have Anxiety (tm) ) - fatigue (i have chronic fatigue and fibro so like, go figure) - bad health habits (I comfort eat to feel things and if i resist, even if its bc i literally can’t obtain the sweet treats bc of money, i feel like absolute shit. this swings back into impulsiveness) - body clock bad (Im currently sleeping from 6/7am till 4-6pm and its really bad)

but a lot of this stuff crosses with autism... like, the only thing that is deffo autistic the most about me is; - masking - difficulty following basic instructions (I need stuff spelled out for me, or I’ll do something I think is right but is actually wrong even though I thought i was doing it right. “why didnt’ you ask for help if you were confused?” i wasnt confused, bruh) - audio processing (THIS IS RLY BAD FOR ME... I NEED SUBTITLES ALL THE TIME...) theres stuff i do that goes against an adhd diagnosis tho; - i can make lists and break tasks down to make them more manageable and I tend to stick to it if Im doing ok (if not i executive dysfunction too much) - i’m like, super organized. too organized. (I caused my old housemates grief bc i organized everything into neat boxes to the point they couldnt find anything any more bc they couldnt process it, even tho it was clearly labeled to me. don’t even start me on minecraft chests... i do it compulsively, and I get big serotonin when everything around me is in its place) - time management; this one is a complicated one bc time is like an oiled ferret. i have it in my hands some times when im focusing on it rly hard, but then it gets away from me and i have to spend the next 3 hours coaxing it out from under the bed while i stare at my screen willing myself to go to bed before 7am. wait. shit. Im literally doing that now. I thought it was 5am?!!! - I never lose stuff (like, sometimes stuff goes missing but everything has its place and I know where stuff is, so like, I don’t ever lose stuff. sometimes i think i’ve lost something but its bc i didn’t look hard enough in its spot...) - task focusing at work (I hyper focus on tasks at work to the point I can’t task switch easily bc that thing i was doing isnt done yet and what do you mean you need this done now but also a customer needs serving?! make up ur damn mind) - I’m good at waiting my turn (maybe this is just me being from the uk tho. queue culture is life here) - cause i’m chonically tired/ill I’m not active/on the go at all, and i love just sitting in one spot for hours

i did a quiz on it and scored high, and it says i have moderate inattentive adhd/add... but what if its just overlapping symptoms? i was neglected at home/school, so i never had any basis for knowing these things about me when i was a kid...

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them ) 

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances. 

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay! 

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years. 

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe. 

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost. 

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.