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tojiscumdumpster · 10 months ago

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⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။ toji fushiguro x his favorite customer (revision)

✧ summary toji has a little soft spot for his favorite customer that he can't get enough of.

✧ content warnings reader is a black woman who uses she/her pronouns. chubby!reader and inexperienced!reader. rich girl in her midtwenties, very needy! usage of profanity, standing missionary, oral - m!receiving, doggy style, mixture of praise and degradation kink, breeding kink, unprotected, creampie and squirting, terms of endearment ─ pretty girl, princess, baby, baby girl, etc. softdom!toji with rough, passionate, and filthy intercourse. told in first POV ─ toji's. i got reader calling toji TJ, and i think that’s so cute pls.

✧ author's note happy birthday to my baby daddy toji fushiguro! we've been going strong now for years. just a little something something to celebrate him. this fic has been in the drafts since December. talk about black people time, old sksk. also, if you already seen the original of this fic on tumblr, it's mine lol. this is just a revision, so don't go around saying i copied someone! my writing has changed so i wanted to redo this and add some adjustments. i hope y'all enjoy. support me by reblogging, liking, and commenting your thoughts. ♡ AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS AND/OR MINORS - DO NOT INTERACT.

When it comes to women I fuck, I treat them the same because at the end of the day, they pay me good money to stuff their pussy with cock.

Don’t really care if they're married either. I usually get the old, desperate broads that aren’t getting any attention from their husbands at home, so it’s my job to make them feel good for the night.

I don’t do favorites.

I damn sure don’t give discounts.

And I definitely don’t get attached. But the moment I met Y/N that all changed.

My favorite customer.

Never did I expect a younger woman to pay me to get fucked, especially when she looks that good.

I’m almost positive she has a line filled with fuckers that’s desperately wanting to know what this tight, wet pussy feels like, yet here I am, living their fantasy.

I fucked Y/N once.

Then, twice.

Then, again.

And again.

And again…

If I didn’t know any better, I’m fucking obsessed with her. Can’t even say it’s just for the money she’s paying me. Probably the best pussy I ever had.

No.

It is.

So fucking warm, and she takes dick well, too. I usually give only an hour or two to my customers, but for Y/N? I reserved the whole night to relish her pussy.

The perfect fuck to end my day.

Those soft, sweet-sounding moans that slipped through her full brown and pink lips, having my previous cum shot staining them had me running wild.

But it seems like I’m not the only one who’s sex drunk.

Cock is all on Y/N’s mind right now. Whimpering and crying how big I am and thanking me for giving her dick. Tears pricks those chestnut-colored hues and I’m in fucking awe. She’s so damn pretty.

“You know how gorgeous you look taking cock like this? Being a good fucking slut for me, princess?” I ask, being met with a nod and her moaning in response.

Y/N’s pussy talks to me. Wet noises spreading throughout the room while I have my arms hooked under the fold of her knees, fucking her recklessly to push past any intrusion.

She’s jumping with me every thrust I make, causing her tits to bounce obnoxiously. I take one of her nipples into my mouth and suck on them like it’s my last dying breath, hearing that sweet whimper.

I belong in Y/N’s pussy, and she belongs to me, too, the way she’s gripping my cock and milking me. All of her cream and wetness drips between us and down my balls, and it feels fucking amazing. Every time I experience her velvet walls, I find myself becoming more animalistic, hungry and territorial over someone who should only be seen as a client.

But fuck, something in me says I would go batshit crazy if I ever found out she had other motherfuckers experiencing this.

Knowing how she looks when sweat coats her beautiful brown skin. How it feels to stretch her out and make her adjust to you. Just thinking about it makes me pound into her deeper and more aggressively.

“Toji, baby, yes. This feels so good,” she purrs. “Like that. Keep fucking me like that.”

I hum. “Yeah? This is what you wanted, right? Paid me to please this good pussy?”

By all means, Y/N isn’t a virgin, but she told me she doesn’t have much experience and I can tell by how tight she is.

Our sounds of pleasure resonate in the air, and I call her my good girl, praising how perfect her pussy is, to be met with her squeezing me and watery brown eyes.

“Toji… Toji… Yes. God, yes.”

“Keep using your words, pretty girl. Tell me how much you love my dick in your pussy,” I ordered softly.

“I love it so much. It’s so big, baby,” she tells me, slurring her words because of her lips still being on mine. “You’re going to make me cum.”

I clicked my tongue, shaking my head. “Not yet. Come taste yourself.”

Without hesitation, Y/N slides down to her knees and starts sucking my dick. I hiss at her swallowing me and the warmth of her mouth. She doesn’t take her time when sucking me off, immediately circling her head and throating me.

“Hot fucking mouth made to suck dick, huh, pretty girl?” I firmly grabbed her chin so she could look at me. “Eyes up, sweetheart. Open up your throat for me like a good girl.”

Y/N hollows her cheeks and bobs her head fervently on my dick, tightening her lips around me.

She sucks dick so fucking good, better than any other woman I’ve been with. And I just know I’m bound to bust quickly if she keeps doing this shit.

My hand finds the back of Y/N’s head to grip and I buck my hips deeper into her mouth, ensuring I hit the back of her throat everytime. I’m a fucking mad man when I begin fucking the gorgeous face, especially when she’s looking up at me with those big brown eyes.

A spoiled brat, prim and shy, who’s spending daddy’s money to get fucked and folded by an old bastard like me. Think I fucking developed a kink for this type because of Y/N.

I pumped into her mouth more aggressively until she began choking and gagging on my cock. Drool and precum coating her mouth in the process.

Any type of control Y/N tries to take, I push past it because I want to use that pretty little mouth of hers how I want. She needs to get her money’s worth when fucking with me.

“Going to fuck my cum deep down that throat of yours, and you’re going to swallow it. Got that?” She nods and I softly tap the side of her face. “That’s it. Keep those lips tight around me.”

“Toji, pl—please,” she slurs, causing me to chuckle.

“Hm, look at you. Trying so hard to talk to me while sucking my dick. It’s cute.” I slow down my quick thrusts, but replace them with more fervent ones, pushing me and her head down until my cock outlines her throat.

My balls grow heavy and obnoxiously slaps Y/N’s chin, a clear indication I’m about to fucking cum.

Grunting, whining, gasping like a little bitch for air because head like this has a fucker like me sounding like a broken mess.

Blood rushes to my groin and I start getting sloppy, feeling my muscles tightening and ache burning between my thighs. I’m close, so fucking close to filling her mouth with my release, then I can finish fucking that fat pussy.

Everything about this damn woman is perfect. Her pussy. How she sucks cock. That fucking chubby and curvy body of hers. A pretty face with loaded cash.

Yeah, she’s definitely mine after tonight. And I’m talking about anything lovey dovey. Meaning if I catch her being a slut like this to anyone else, I’d kill that fucker.

No hesitation. I-

“Y/N, fuck!” I grunt while cumming in her mouth. This load is fucking heavy, but she’s trying her best to swallow every drop.

I groan at the sight of Y/N touching her tits and palming her pussy, knowing how much she’s turned on, too. It’s like the vibrations of her moans pulls more cum out my fucking dick.

A mess I made on her face, but the joyful lust I see in her eyes tells me she doesn’t give a damn.

Good, because I’m not finished with her.

“All fours on the bed. Now,” I demanded. “Still gotta fill up your pussy.”

Perfection is what I think when I see Y/N from behind, arched back, ass in the air and pussy dripping, ready for me to fuck.

I force an arch in her back and plunge my cock in her tight little pussy with one deep stroke. Y/N gasps in the air and I take the opportunity to pull her up by the throat and start pounding her cunt.

Why the fuck is she so goddamn wet? She takes cock well, bud shit, I abruptly slip out each and every thrust.

“Keep me inside that pussy, baby girl. Stop fucking letting go,” I gritted in her ear. She reaches behind her to hold my dick and push back into me with a tighter grip. “Hm, just like that. So fucking good to me, aren’t you?”

“I need more dick, TJ. Fuck me harder, baby. I can take you,” she moans.

Begging for cock she’s already paying for… Shit, I get a kick out of how pathetically sexy she sounds.

I repeatedly slammed into her wet cunt, thrust after thrust, pussy creaming even further than before. If it’s one thing I can listen to for the rest of my life, it’s how Y/N sounds when she’s being fucked.

My name drips perfectly from her lips.

Our skin smacking fills the air in the room along my hand striking her ass until I guarantee it’ll bruise in the morning.

“Look at this fat ass moving when I pound into this pussy. Fucking beautiful,” I growled.

“Toji, please. I… I don’t care how much… I’ll pay more. Just keep fucking me like this.”

I chuckle. “Atta girl.”

I see why motherfuckers catch feelings when fucking pussy. I almost feel tempted to tell Y/N that I love her while fucking her. She has pussy that’ll make a fucker crazy… Possessive… Jealous.

I applied more pressure to Y/N’s throat and pulled her against my chest. “You know who this pussy belongs to. Right, princess?”

“God, yes, Toji. You… it belongs to you.” Her voice comes off as a faint cry and I know she’s on the verge of cumming. Especially with how her pussy is pulsating around me.

“Mhm, that’s right. Dreamed of my fucking dick pounding this tight little cunt, now I have you mindfucked. Huh?” I pinch her nipples with my free hand and increase my thrusts. “You’re about to come for me. Aren’t you, Y/N? I know you are. I can feel it. You should see the mess your slutty pussy is making between us.”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to, baby. It’s just… you feel good. So fucking good,” she whimpers, bouncing her ass back into me to meet with my thrusts.

“Maybe I should have you clean it with your mouth. Hm?”

I release Y/N’s throat to shove her face into the bed and deepen her arch more than before. My single hand returns to her hips to grip, pulling her round ass back on my cock to kiss her center.

Can’t get over how wet—how tight and warm this fucking pussy is. The harder I fuck her, the louder her pussy gets and I grunt, curse underneath my breath at hearing the sound of her muffled moans.

I don’t give a fuck if one of us catches feelings after this. Actually, I want her to. I want Y/N to be dick hungry only for me.

I want her pussy to smell like I’m the only fucker that’s been running through her. I’m even fucking tempted to breed this pussy just so she’s mine.

Why the fuck would I want to have sex with any other women after knowing what Y/N feels like?

“You take cock like a fucking pro. Look at you gripping me. Look at how this pussy is mine.”

She spreads her ass cheeks to feel every inch of my dick. “Fuck me, Toji. Harder. Fuck me harder, I’m about to cum.”

“Shit, me too, sweetheart. Such a perfect fuck toy. Going to fill you all the way up,” I rasped. “Fuck me back. Keep taking this dick.”

My thrusts are sloppy. I throw my head back and swear into the air and moan her name. My balls grow heavier and heavier until I fucking but and empty my cum inside her pussy.

And she’s right there with me, crying my name and thanking me for giving her toe-curling orgasm.

Fucking enjoy hearing my pretty girl thank me for giving her cock. She just looks so damn pretty when she cums, too.

Dark brown skin sweating. The sight of her ruined makeup with mascara running down her cheeks. Moans sounding like a broken record.

Yeah, she’s a perfect fuck.

My favorite customer.

#anime x black!reader #anime x reader #anime fanfic #fanfic smut #jjk x black reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen x black reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji smut #toji x black reader #toji x reader #toji fushigro x reader #toji fushiguro x black reader

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kaisers-house-of-desires · 9 months ago

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Can you do an Yandere Idia x male reader

with reader being Idia's fake boyfriend so Idia's parent don't have to worry or talk about his social life but then Idia got too attached to reader during their fake relationship.

reader sleeping on Idia's room and Idia's horny thoughts took over him and he ended up fucking reader and then after that guilt tripped reader to staying with him as he was starting to become more and more desperate for reader's prescence, time, and body.

(i can't think of deeper details im so sorry 😭)

No need to apologize, reader! I think this is quite doable~

Title: Attached

Characters: Idia x m!reader

Contains: Dark Themes(Yandere, manipulation), somniphillia, handjob, biting

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Full request below the cut

All characters are 18+

MINORS, FEM ALIGNED, AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI

Reblogs > likes

For Idia, to finally have his parents stop asking about a partner was a blessing, but unfortunately for him, it would start a mess.

It had been over a month, maybe two, since this pretend relationship started. You agreed to help the socially awkward male to get his parents off his back. Did it mean having to share a kiss here, a hug there? A few Magicam images to really sell it?

Sure, and really, neither of you minded.

Except now, in the hours of the night, Idia found himself staring at the ceiling, unable to even play a game or check his phone to distract him. His thoughts ran wild, and you sleeping beside him didn't help. His yellow eyes, practically glowing in the dark as they darted to your sleeping form and back up to the ceiling. The whole reason you were here was at his request. It seemed out of the ordinary for you two, and you couldn't quite understand why he would want you over, but assuming it was to set up another farse to fool his parents, you agreed.

Now he was almost regretting it.

Sitting up, Idia's gaze started from your head to your legs. In your pajamas, you slept on top of the blankets, having commenting on how warm it was in the dorm. Idia had yet to change, but he had assured you he would.

He didn't. His mind was too busy.

The only thing he kept thinking about was you.

He never broke his stare, leaning towards you with an outstretched hand. He had plans to turn you, but luckily for him, you turned on your own, now lying on your back. He got a better view of your face, your sweet, sleeping face.

The memories of your fake dates called back to him. The way you held his hand was far too real, the way your fingers would intertwine. The looks you would give him would cause pink to rise to his pale face. He longed for this more than just for the time he needed. He longed for you, for your time, your energy, your...

Idia positioned himself over you, his head over yours, His heart hammered as sinful thoughts danced along his mind.

Blue lips carefully brushed against your slightly parted ones. You didn't stir, which Idia was thankful for. He firmly pressed his lips to yours, enjoying a sweet, yet needy kiss. It was quick, as he didn't want to wake you from your slumber, not yet.

A kiss wouldn't be enough, however, and now that he had a taste, he wouldn't hold back.

Not moving from your side, Idia sat up, eyes darting to your pajama bottoms. With shaky yet eager hands, Idia undid the button that kept the fabric together at your crotch. Instead of digging into your boxers like he wanted to, he attempted to still, and instead gently rested his hand over the mound of fabric. A shuddering sigh left his mouth, eyes nearly fluttering at the touch.

Ever so carefully, he began to massage you, a soft hum leaving you through your nose. He had never done such a thing to another, only himself as he had many a night to think about all the things he wanted to do with you, to do to you. He felt you begin to harden under his hand, your brows furrowing as a breathy moan slipped by your lips. Your arm moved, causing Idia to stop. To his luck, all you did was rest your arm over your eyes, body stilling once you were finished. Idia waited a couple seconds before continuing, this time finally slipping his hand into your boxers to present your semierect shaft to the warm air.

Idia practically drooled at the sight, his face hot from merely holding it in his hand. There was no turning back, and ever so gently, he began to pump his hand along your cock. A groan startled him, but he pressed on. You felt hot in his hand, almost unbearingly so, and the last sane part of his brain screamed at him to stop, but all it took was a name to make him come to a screeching halt as his head slowly turned toward the source.

You weren't awake, you were still asleep, but you had uttered a name that made Idia's heart swell.

"I...dia...~"

A dream, he thought. He has to be dreaming.

And if you were dreaming, then that means you wanted this too, right?

Throwing caution to the wind, Idia attempted to carefully readjust, putting himself by your legs as he finally, yet reluctantly let go of your cock, which now was harder than what he started with. Excitedly, Idia worked to carefully remove your bottoms, boxers and pants now crumbled beside the bed. Idia messed with the buckle of his belt, shaky and sweaty hands fumbling with the leather and metal as he finally worked on his zipper. Eventually, his cock sprang free from the confines of his black boxers. Not wasting any time, fearing you would wake up soon, he positioned himself, lifting your legs up to gain access to your hole. He knew there was no prep, but time was of the essence for him. He pressed his cock to your entrance and--

"I-Idi--AH!"

At the same moment you attempted to speak his name, Idia pushed himself in, your walls not ready for such a protrusion, but the male didn't care, not at the moment. Right now, he stared you down, glazed yellow eyes meeting your pained ones. You had gripped the blankets below you, swearing out with a sob as you made a fist to hit the mattress in frustration.

"I-I'm sorry, y/n, but I...I couldn't help myself anymore." Idia's voice trembled, but not because of fear. It trembled because he was desperate. He needed to move, he could always explain what's happening in the meantime, right? With that in mind, he began to gyrate his hips into yours, both of you filling the hot air with sinful sounds of lust.

Unable to speak, all you could do was grip at Idia's sleeves, panting heavily with each blissful impact of his cock inside as you met his frenzied gaze. Not like Idia would answer anyway, as the man was babbling a mile a minute about how good you felt, about how incredible you were.

Idia fell over you, his head close to yours as his feral thrusting never ceased. He stared down at you, a twisted smile revealing his sharp teeth.

"I-I want you I want you I want you I want you...!"

Before you could give a rebuttal, or rather attempt one, you found Idia's mouth on your neck, those very teeth digging into the top layer of your flesh. All the while Idia's movements never stopped, not even while you let out a scream, the pain oddly sending a jolt to your stomach, heat to your cock.

And he didn't let go. Idia's jaw locked onto your neck, growls and panting sounding beside your ear. With his teeth sinking in, and his thrusts neverending, you found yourself in a taboo position. You were still waking up, and all of this was happening to you. You weren't sure how to react, what to say. Your body was assaulted with pleasure, and all you could do was let it happen.

But to your luck, or misfortune depending, Idia was quick to cum, likely due to his frenzied state, his desperate need to have you.

He filled your hole decently, a slip of cum escaping from the bottom of your stuffed ass. Part of you was grateful it was over, but another part didn't want it to end. Idia finally released his jaw from your neck, indents of teethmarks branding you, some having specks of blood from the pierced skin. As far as Idia was concerned, you belonged to him.

"Hah...~ Look at you...~ You're a mess...~" Though he was one to talk. Despite the sweat sheening on your forehead, the tired eyes that once again met the flame haired man, it didn't compare to the crazed look Idia wore, the toothy grin that just cursed you with a bite. "Don't worry, though. I-I like messes~ You're my favorite mess~"

"I-Idia..." Your voice sounded like a whine, a plea. Idia never pulled out, but instead remained inside, as if leaving would kill him.

"Shhh it's okay." He leaned back down, and you flinched, thinking he would bite you again, but instead he left a kiss on your forehead. "No need t-to say anything, okay? Couples do this. It's normal."

Couples...wait. Did Idia forget it was all for pretend?

"B-But we..."

"Hm? We...what?"

You blinked back the fatigue that crept up on you. "I-Idia...we're not really dating."

Surprisingly, his face went unchanged. "Of course we are. It's been two months. You agreed to go out with me..."

"Idia that's not--"

"So you lied to me...you were just pretending to date me?"

That...that was the whole point! This was all for pretend to get his parents off his back! You blinked back confused tears.

"We agreed--"

"I don't u-understand...why would you do this? Why would you spend...a-all that time with me...?" You felt the air change, his hair looking more active than normal.

"I-It was for your parents, remember?"

"My parents? My parents are thrilled I have someone! If you leave me they'll never let me hear the end of it!" Orange speckled the blue, he was close to popping off, but instead, you thought back on your actions. Perhaps...you had simply misheard him initially. Maybe you thought it was for the parents, but maybe that was a lie Idia came up with to ask you out, fighting his anxieties.

"I-I...I-I'm sorry. I must have m-misremembered..."

The orange settled, and a smile, not as deranged, grew back to Idia's face. "I don't blame you, love. It's late after all."

Finally pulling out from you, which caused you to whine out lightly, Idia got settled with you in the bed, pulling the blankets up to cover your half nude form with him by your side.

"Sleep. You need it, okay?"

Without another word, and afraid to turn your back on him, you curled up, closing your eyes...

...unable to see the traitorous grin that Idia wore.

#kaisers house of desires #x reader #x male reader #x male y/n #twisted wonderland idia #twst idia #idia shroud #idia x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #idia x male reader

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captainzigo · 9 months ago

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Hi everypony!

My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,

you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post**

my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion also i am on bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/captainzigo.bsky.social

that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl

Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break

**on donations made to me:

i still dont take commissions currently, but if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request. i talk more about it here

hello mutuals!

If you are a mutual, DM me for an invite to discord server and subsequently to minecraft server

on sending me asks:

any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.

in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.

unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.

why am i like this?

i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.

can you draw my ocs?

you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me

on (re)posting my art:

do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me. except for my bluesky.

transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in USamerica where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork

is my blog SFW?

im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.

i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.

are NSFW interactions ok?

in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.

on shipping:

in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.

on my blue hair and pronouns:

i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.

do i take constructive criticism?

NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕

“i hate bronies”…

i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its

brony?

i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i was a girl. i am not a brony.

do i like g5?

i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with

why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?

well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.

on flurryheart:

i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.

🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect

i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.

on my username:

i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.

#prickly pear #my ocs #pinned post

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simpjaes · 2 months ago

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One of my fav enha writers elix8r on here just announced that they were leaving and it just made me so sad to see someone leave due to people not appreciating their work and it made me think of you and how you’re literally one of my only fav writers who haven’t left this site and I hope you never do cause ily so much and I was wondering how we could show you more appreciation for giving us amazing fics? Like I know you’re loved by so many people and get good numbers on notes but still like I don’t want to lose you too so lmk if there’s anything else we can do for you to make you know we appreciate everything you put out here 🥺

; - ; time for transparency, and a HUGE rant. But first, thank you so much, im so honored you said this to me <3

there are plenty of ways you can support me! For instance, i do have a patreon set up for eventual writing [which will still be posted here too for the most part], that won't happen until i have more time outside of school. I also do have cash app! Which i prefer over ko-fi because i don't like my personal information shown ;-; you can ask me for my cash app tho!

Other ways include simply telling me how my fics make you feel, or if you like them. You are never obligated to tip me money for what I write, and i will alwwwaaays want feedback and reblogs!

that being said: am i leaving tumblr?

I've been weighing my thoughts lately, and i've boiled it down that i really don't know how I feel about being here after I started writing four years ago. I don't like the way people feel entitled to access my life, and who I am. [remember that blog who posted my selfies, and other writer's selfies just so people could see it? without our consent? example number 2398749382, truly]

I don't like the cliques [even if we all end up in one whether intentional or not, some of you are just fucking mean], i don't like the moral police, i don't like the performative activism, i don't like the copying even if on a tiny level, i don't like how people treat me like a celebrity. I don't like how I can't monitor closely for underage people who should not ever be looking at my blog, let alone reading work that i did NOT write for them. the main thing though, really is the entitlement from people, and the blatant nasty intentions a lot of people have here, especially between writers.

It's unbearable sometimes.

Every day, i have to be talked out of deleting both of my blogs and writing elsewhere specifically for the freedom to stop walking on egg shells. Then again, some days, like today, i like it here.

So, while I was recently just waiting to absolutely disappear without a word here, today I feel good. Today, I feel like staying wouldn't be too awful.

I just want to make something clear to people while I'm talking about it. If i stay here, i will never care so deeply about fan fiction, or people's opinions on it outside of feedback on my work. I care about it as a creative process, and a skill to be learned, that's it. I do not care what other people read, i do not care what they write, i don't care who jerks off to what. I will never, fucking ever take fan fiction so seriously that I feel hatred towards another person. unless it involves minors/underage people, of course. that's entirely different for me personally. For the most part, i genuinely only care about what I'm doing and what i can do better.

If i stay, i need people to stop expecting me to be a spokesperson on literally anything and everything. I am a person who is genuinely struggling just to get out of bed. I am a person who is studying and doing home work more than I would be working if I had a full time job right now. I do not have time or energy to care deeply the way others do, and even if I did have that time and energy, i put it on things i love. Like writing my own fics and not giving a fuck about what anyone else is doing.

This blog is my space. It's my world. I'm sick of expectations for me to make it anything more than what it is: a goddamn kpop smut blog.

This website is excruciating to open sometimes. but on days like today, i really appreciate it and love it here.

I will stay for now, but don't be shocked if, in the future, i leave without even saying my goodbyes. I have things outside of this blog that matter to me, and I will never let myself feel unhappy doing something i love, that's more for me than any other person in this world who wants to scream their opinions.

**edit 11/20** and with the AI apocalypse apparently happening here, it really does feel like....bad to be here. i don't want people who don't write to put themselves on the same level as real writers. y'know, the ones who put love and effort into their work. It's very upsetting to see the amount of people who don't care if it's being used.

especially like....knowing those fics get hella interaction because it seems readers, even if they don't know it, seem to value false writing over very real writing. oof. anyway

as long as my writing stays fun and positive, i will be staying.

#ask #anon #psa #updates

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dionvsian · 1 year ago

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theodore nott meeting the hogwarts cool girl !!

theodore nott x fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

warnings: reader smokes cigarettes (srry if it makes you uncofortable!).

little note: back to writing! i used to have a blog here and i made the dumbest decision to delete it (i'll forever miss you timothée chalamet's fake instagram posts)

reblogs are appreciated 😁

“are you always this late?” he looked down, studying your face. You could see him taking in every single detail. as he did so, he lifted an eyebrow and waited for your reply. a small smirk played with the corner of his mouth. the kind of smirk you see someone do when they feel they are superior towards you. he did not know your name, at least not yet.

your silence caused him to continue: “I am theo. and you are?"

"I'm y/n"

"pleased to meet you y/n. my father always said that a name should mean something. it should reflect the person being named"

"i'm not really sure what my name means, but i hope is something nice!"

"are you a pure blooded witch?"

"yep" you say nodding

he seems satisfied with your answer. as if you somehow passed a test without even knowing it. he holds his hand out and introduces himself with a slight bow.

"i would say you look like an angel from heaven, but you look more like some punk girl who has trouble getting to class on time"

"i wasn't planning on going to class rn"

“oh! uhm, that can get you into trouble. you know.” he says. then he adds: “are you always so bold? it’s kind of cute.”

"i'm not bold, i'm just me"

he lets out a chuckle. "it’s the same thing. I’m guessing you are just very confident in yourself, hm?” he tilts his head a little and looks down at you. “it’s not a bad quality, and I suppose it makes for a good quality of a friend, don’t you think?”

"yeah maybe"

“you are not the quiet type, I bet. you are the one who likes to get things done.” he smiles, and leans in close to you. "you would do anything to achieve your goal. you must be one of the most popular girls at school. i bet many boys try to ask you out.” and he waits for you to respond. there is a glint in his eye as he stares at you, studying you.

a soft blush spreads on your cheeks "maybe... do you want to join them?" you say flirtatious

he smiles and leans closer, he is just a few inches away from you. you can feel the heat of his breath coming from his lips as he smiles.

“maybe I do.”

he waits for you to respond, just looking at your face, smiling. he is amused at the way you're blushing. but you cannot tell what the reason for that is. does he find you attractive? or does he find you a fool? he seems to be enjoying this a little too much, as you cannot tell what the outcome of this conversation will be.

you look up at him, since he is a bitt taller but you only gives a satisfied smirk

he is enjoying this attention he thinks. he leans in even closer to you and whispers in your ear.

"what are you thinking about right now?”

you let out some of the air that was inside your lungs "to be honest, I was thinking of smoking some cigarettes and painting my nails"

"you’re a naughty girl then. do you smoke cigarettes often?" he asks this in a way that implies he actually cares about the answer to the question. as if smoking cigarettes is a bad thing. or it's not?

"yeah, but don't tell anyone, ok? it will be our secret"

he seems amused by your response. he smiles and whispers again. this time his voice is even quieter

“a secret.” he whispers the last word and he has this smile on his face that says it is not a normal secret. the look on his face gives her the impression he thinks of something not entirely appropriate. “how many cigarettes are you planning to smoke today alone?”

"3? i'm not really sure"

again, he gives you this amused smile, and it seems he is actually a bit impressed. he is not used to seeing someone not care about the rules like she does.

“well, they say you gotta try everything once. you must get into trouble a lot. aren’t you afraid of detention?”

"no, plus I never get caught anyways". you say and smile for him "do you smoke?"

he seems surprised at the question. he shakes his head and says. “no, I have never smoked. my father makes sure i take care of my health. but he doesn’t say anything about my friends. I suppose you would have to hide it from him?” “how does it feel to smoke? will it feel good to try it for first time?”

"I don't want to be a bad influence for you" you chuckle "so I won't answer"

he seems to actually be thankful. as if you just saved him from doing something bad.

"thank you. If I start smoking today. I’s your fault though!” he laughs. then he asks. “what else do you do that is bad? or am I the only person that deserves to know about this side of you?”

he seems curious and even though the smile on his face remains as teasing as ever. you can see the look on his face is genuine. as if he actually wants to know about you more.

"talking about bad habits isn't exactly a good way to get to known someone new"

he laughs again. you notice how good his laugh is. he seems to do it a lot lately. he leans in again. you can smell his cologne when you get this close. “so, you are afraid I might judge you or something?”

he gives you a playful look and then adds: “i already said you were cute. so being a little naughty, does not make you any less cute." he says this playfully, and you can see that smile on his face again. he seems to enjoy teasing you.

you back on a wall of the corridor "it will affect your impression of me" but your heart skips a beat when he calls you cute

he seems to be enjoying the way you are backing up against the wall. as he can still clearly see just how pretty you are. he smiles at you, this time you can feel he is being genuine about the compliment. he gets closer to you though. he really thinks he is in charge here doesn't he?

“well, it only makes me want to know more about you. a girl who smokes cigarettes and isn't afraid of trouble... is a very rare breed these days.” he looks you up and down again. but this time with pure admiration.

"why don't you tell me what are y thinking abt?"

"you really are interested in me aren’t you?” he laughs after saying this. h thinks for a few seconds. he seems to be contemplating whether or not to disclose his thoughts to you.

"fine, I’ll tell you my thoughts. but you better not tell anyone else. I don’t want to lose my reputation.” he takes a deep breath. you can see he is nervous, and he is blushing a little.

he leans in closer and whispers in your ear "i’m wondering if you have ever kissed anyone before.”

he waits for you to respond, the same look on his lips. you sense a bit of smugness in his voice, as if he is convinced you have never kissed anyone before.

"of couse i did".

he seems surprised, and gives you a look. it’s the look a person gives you, when they know they are not in charge. you just gained a lot of power and superiority over him just now.

"what about you? have you ever kissed someone?"

he smiles, his cheeks are red now, and his whole face is blushing.

"y-yea I have.” he says it as if it’s difficult for him to admit it. your response seemed to have knocked him off his feet. his eyes are fixed to the floor, as if he is trying to decide what to do next.

you decide to shoot your shot being flirtatious"do you wanna kiss me?"

he looks up and seems shocked. he blushes even more as you say this, his cheeks are as red as a beet now. your confidence has made him completely speechless. he whispers so only you can hear his voice, while also pulling you closer into him. "may I?”

"yeah"

he leans in and gently kisses you on the lips. It’s sweet and gentle but very passionate. you notice just how soft his lips are.he is blushing as you kiss, and so do you. his lips are soft and smooth, you feel them against yours and you find the experience very calming and pleasant.

you place your hand on his cheek and they get even redder, as he continues to hold his lips against yours. he enjoys the kiss very much.

he breaks the kiss after a bit and looks at you. "that was nice.” a broad smile was on his lips. he looks so happy and full of life. you can see all the tension fall away as his shoulders slowly relax.

"well, i have to go to class now"youi say and unlean from the wall" see you" and you start walking away

"wait.” he calls out when you are already half way on your way to the potions class. "you are not telling anyone are you?”he still has that smile on his face and you can see that he wants to continue this conversation. he seems hooked to knowing more about you. He is obsessed. he wants to know what that "cool girl" energy of yours looks like, and how far you are willing to take things with him.

"of course not. i dont wanna be seen with the spoiled playboy theodore nott" you say and get into your classroom, not giving him the chance to say anything else.

he watches you leave. he is completely flabbergasted and speechless. he is not used to girls treating him like this. he has not noticed this side of you. theo is completely in love now. you are beautiful and mysterious in his eyes. he feels like he got a peek behind the curtains. a private performance.

he watches you leave and then continues to the potions classroom. he is lost in his thoughts, trying to piece together why you acted in the way you just did. you are not like any other girl he knows in Hogwarts. and he wants to know more.

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taznovembercelebration · 2 months ago

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UHHH okay nobody panic but november happened to us

which means!!! however!! that it is time for the TAZ November Celebration to ride again! but i don't know about you, but things have been crazy for me. so we're going to keep it easy breezy this month while having some fun, and we're gonna enjoy the B.I.T.S.

BOOST, INDULGE, TREASURE, SURVIVE here's the drill! you will have a BITS board! copy this one. then, every day, or alternately set time you spend fully focused, and then have a break before doing something else, you can give yourself a pin in the section you were working towards!

Boost: support another creator by commenting, making a recommendation post about, or doing something else to show another person some love for their excellent work! Indulge: indulge in creativity with something you really, really enjoy. don't worry about a thing, just lose yourself in the joy that got you into fandom creation in the first place. maybe go back to a very favorite trope, or a contrived but delicious au, make a gift for someone you love to pieces, or only do the parts you like, but enjoy it!

Treasure: Spend time appreciating a work you already love. reread a fic that delights you, or reblog all of the art you can find of your favorite character, or something else that makes you feel like a dragon sitting on a pile of favorites. you can even just go back to your favorite episodes of the podcast! Survive: sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. this time there are points for that! Every November i've done for this, something insane has happened, and it's always hard to take time to take care of yourself and not do the fun thing. but no more! if you take an evening to do nothing but eat cheese balls in your bathrobe (or something less fun and more vital to your continuing to live good) because that's where you're at mentally or otherwise, give yourself a pin for surviving! FAQ: q: How many pins can I get? a: As many as you like/can fit/care to! q: What do I use for "pins"? a: any transparent image will work, or you can use something like the editing markup on your phone and add emojis, or draw something... if you need some pngs, check out @treasuregamble! q: how will you know to reblog our posts? a: tag this blog please! @taznovembercelebration q: why this and not just rewards for making things every day of november? a: because it's time to spread the love without terrorizing ourselves in the name of competition! q: do we have to get all the BITS or can i focus all on one area? a: try to get at least one set of BITS if you're going to participate, but it's fully up to you. i'm not your dad! q: can i really have more than one pin in a day? a: yes, but you have to take a proper break between switching gears. If you spend 8 hours in a fugue state writing a fic where a mermaid and a marine biologist go on a roadtrip to defeat a king and sleep in the same bed on the way, it only counts for one pin if you don't take a real break. cause i do care about your well being.

more questions? ask here

otherwise, see you on the dance floor! i can't wait to see all the pins you pick and great things you boost and make and enjoy!

#taz #taz balance #taz b #the adventure zone #taz amnesty #taz ethersea #taz vs dracula #the adventure zone balance #taznc #taz november celebration #JOIN MEEEEEE

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thecrazyalchemist · 8 months ago

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(this post is edited from time to time, some stuff may be outdated) [last edited: sunday, December 8th, 2024]

---

Stuff to get out of the way:

I AM A MINOR. PORN BLOGS FOLLOWING *WILL* BE BLOCKED.

I am Israeli. I am tired. If you want Israel wiped away, if you want Jews killed - please get away from my blog and don't come back.

Post relating to my opinion on Zionism and current affairs <- this is a link to the post, please read!

Post relating to fundraisers and charities about the current conflict <- this is a link to the post

I want my blog to be a safe place for me first and foremost, and then a safe space for others. Not the other way around. I just came here to be silly.

This is my bubble. I'll post some stuff about chemistry from time to time (PASSED ORGANIC CHEMISTRY!!!! GOT A 97!!!! SO EXCITED), stuff from fandoms I like, reblog quite a lot maybe definitely too much (as @bettinalevyisdetermined said [I think]: "I abuse the fast-reblog button"), and generally random stuff my dopamine dependant fueled machine likes.

BEWARE: CHRONICALLY ONLINE

You're quite welcome to ask for random hugs! I have plenty - will take ions to run out of stock

Hug gif: (wanted to put it here because it's so good)

Sideblogs:

@randomshowerpoems - poetry sideblog!

@littlegnomewriting - a blog for posting very infrequently stuff I write

@thecrazyalchemist2 - clone if I have been cursed by the post limit

@the-hugger - ✨gimmick blog✨, self explanatory

Not gonna reblog every single post from there to here, don't wanna hit the post limit too often. Wanna know what's in there? Go look!

Also do please express your opinion about what I write! I appreciate it immensely 🥺

Some information bout me:

Current timezone: whatever the time in Greenwich is

Online name: Nick F. but you can call me Nick (you can also call me Crazy Al ;] | or Arsenic/Arsenick if you want - courtesy of @givemeasong-singamelody )

Nickolasnames: Quackamole Ferret (bestowed upon me by the amazing @annotated-catastrophe), alchemy buddy (bestowed upon me by the magnificent @alchemicalwerewolf), Alchenick (bestowed upon me by the awesome @anxious-alyssia)

Titles: Attraction stealer - beware (bestowed upon me by the amazing @thebookshelflord)

Pronouns: He/Him, although I don't really care

Sexuality: bisexual & aroma(n)tic (aroflux) (I think - basically arospec)

Favorite color: blue-green

Favorite molecule: Azidoazide Azide

Taste of my ceiling - chalky

I prefer tea over coffee

Preference order: jackets>hoodies>sweaters

What I think about when I hear the word cozy: sitting on a yellow couch reading a book (preferably next to a crackling fireplace), while thunderstorm, inside a library

If you have anything else you want me to add to here, just ask/comment/message/send in a vision/transport in an ancient bottle/come to me in a dream/however you want, but please be clear about it cause I'm a bit of a dum-dum

My Tag lists: (please choose which one do u want me to add you to!)

Reminder: if you want to be added/removed, just say so! Preferably comment/reblog the tag list you want to be added to/removed from to notify me

Picrews, Picrews 2 <- this is a link to the list

Uquizzes, Uquizzes 2 <- this is a link to the list

Tag Games, Tag Games 2 <- this is a link to the list

Making Notes <- this is a link to the list

Other <- this is a link to the list

Chain Ask <- this is a link to the list

Ask Game <- this is a link to the list

Anything <- this is a link to the list (this one is mainly for convenience's sake)

Reminder: if you want to be added/removed, just say so! Preferably comment/reblog the tag list you want to be added to/removed from to notify me

Tags:

#nick's rambles or #arsenickel alloy - random posts of mine

#reblogs

#asks

#answered asks

#moots - mutuals

#tag game

#chain ask

#ask game

---

(this post is edited from time to time, some stuff may be outdated) [last edited: Sunday, December 8th, 2024]

Picture Stuff

Halloween 2024 Achievements:

#intro post #reblogs #moots #asks #answered asks #tag game #chain ask #ask game

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jillsandwhichs · 2 months ago

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Our Future Days

Joel Miller x Reader series, Chapter 9, Melody

Masterlist

Pairing: F!Reader x Joel Miller

Summary: Tommy takes you up to Jackson where you and Joel are finally able to reunite

WC: 3.6k

Type: SFW

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

Tommy's horse began to slow down which caused you to look up. That entire ride, your head was resting against his backpack. You couldn't help but just stay like that with your eyes closed. Admittedly, you were thinking about Joel and how it'll be to see him again after two decades. You wonder if he'll even recognize him. You hope so.

Not much has changed with you. Same face just a bit aged, same body type but only slimmer if anything, same hair color and what not. You'd say all that's changed is you have longer hair and a skinner body type than before due to the lack of food and nutrition. You presume he appear very aged just based on those investigation photos you seen awhile back. He definitely aged due to stress—there's no way a man looks that rough in their fourties.

Nonetheless, you still find him attractive and you know that if you saw him out in the wild, you'd know it's him.

Looking before you, you saw a large long gate. It was a deep blue color and there appeared to be two people on top of it in little boxes. They're probably the ones in charge of keeping a lookout—smart. "Open the gates!" Tommy shouted to the two men. They gave him a nod and shortly after, both doors opened at a slow and agonizing rate. Your heart beat began to increase in speed and you could feel your palms getting hotter. You are nervous.

Tommy's horse picked up in speed again as he rode in through the gates. You analyzed the area. Wow. It's like a literal township. You are impressed to say the least. They really made Jackson their own. Tommy chuckled, "Enthralled?" "Definitely." You huffed out. You are proud of Tommy and the life he's managed to build alongside these people. They must have a strong bonded group. You doubt any of the people you were once with could've pulled this off. Maybe John but that's it.

You started to dart your eyes around. You hoped to catch a glimpse of Joel or just someone you may have known from a past group. Nothing. "Where do you think he is?" You asked Tommy. "My guess? Either at his house or at the bar." You nodded at his words. Makes sense. Tommy rode his horse into the stable and hopped off. He reached his hand out and helped you off as well. A blonde haired woman walked up with haste and looked you up and down before glaring at Tommy.

"Tommy I-" "Maria, don't start just yet, let me explain." Maria scoffed and crossed her arms. You felt judged. You also felt a bit scared. This woman seems intimidating. Tommy introduced you and began to continue his statement. "Me and Joel have known this woman for damn near twenty years. She was Joel's neighbor. I'm not sayin' she has to stay permanently, she's only here to talk to Joel." Tommy established with Maria. The woman looked at you and spoke.

"Listen I don't mean to come off as bitchy it's just that I don't trust very easily." Maria said softly with her hand cautiously in front of her. "No apology necessary, I understand. Like Tommy said I'm just here for Joel." You spoke kindly to her. Maria gave you a soft smile. "Okay." She nodded. "He's probably with Ellie at the tipsy bison, come on, I'll walk you there." Maria stated. You glanced back at Tommy and said thank you. He gave you a nod.

You and Maria began to walk side by side of one another as she led you through the town. The grass was green and the dirt on the ground was beige. It looked... Lively. Like a real town. You were surprised by all of this. People around the area were in nice clothing. It is later in the year, most likely November if you had to guess. You're sure this place will be covered in snow soon. You have to admit, this place is epic.

There were even children. You haven't seen a child in years. They were smiling and laughing. The sight was precious. There are also a lot of buildings that are clearly being put to good use. You saw a school, an aid and even a deli. "I have to say, this is impressive." You gawked out. Maria snorted and nodded. "Thank you. Me and Tommy built this together alongside our community. We've worked seriously hard so I appreciate that." Maria smiled at you.

Maybe this woman isn't so intimidating after all. She seems sweet. "Is Tommy your boyfriend?" "Husband." "That's nice. Did you two meet during all of this? I just don't recall him having a lady back in the day." "During all of this, yes. So I've heard, Joel talks about how much of a wild cat Tommy was." Maria giggled. You laughed along with her. "I don't remember much about Tommy, he was quiet and was only ever over if Joel had work." "Right." Maria nodded. She does seem cool.

"Just to warn you, Joel isn't the talkative type. A lot has happened to him and he's definitely closed up." Maria said softly. She seemed sad. You sighed softly. "I understand. I'll be understanding." "Good. He's definitely gotten better ever since he met Ellie but overall, he's still that brudy man." Maria giggled. Ellie? Who the hell is Ellie? You went quiet. Did he find some kind of lover in the midst of all of this?

Standing before the two of you was a place called the 'Tipsy Bison'. "Is this it?" "Yes. Come on in." Maria said kindly, opening the door and holding it for you. You walked in and Maria did too. Wow. This place is full of life. It has a warm feeling to it. It's definitely the lighting and the joyous laughter and conversing. The lighting is a deep orange dim color and the people just seem... Normal...

You looked around and whistled. "This reminds me of a bar near my hometown. This is great." "Thanks. I designed most of it myself because it was completely torn down. I've definitely flipped it for the better." "For sure." You're still wondering who Ellie is. If Joel has some sort of a girlfriend now, you get it, but it'll be a bit upsetting. You don't know why or how but you've somehow managed to maintain feelings for him. It's not healthy you imagine but it's just how it is.

Maria waved to someone and ambled up to her. The person was a young girl. She's definitely a young teenager. She's super pretty and seems quiet. All she is doing is eating a sandwich at the table. "Ellie, hey, where's Joel?" What a fucking relief. Ellie is a little kid. Thank God. You sighed softly and crossed your arms. "He just left, said he was going back to his place to get some rest." Maria sighed and nodded. "Thanks honey. Continue eating."

She glanced back at you. "Off to Joel's it is then." Maria then had the two of you walk out through the back. "Another thing we've managed to pull off was having houses all around. We have almost fourty different homes now. For others, we have cabins or they shelter someplace else. But Joel and Ellie have their own place together." "Who is Ellie to Joel? Sarah is his kid." Maria paused in her tracks and looked back at you. "It's going to be a long story and it's a story for you and Joel." How ominous.

You nodded and continued to stroll beside her.

After walking for a bit, you two reached a road and Maria nudged you. "This is it. His house is just up there." She pointed to a house just a few yards ahead. It was a white house. It looked like your average home, it was pretty but ran down. There was a white picket fence surronding it too and a cemented staircase leading up to it. The two of you gradually got closer and your heart rate once again increased. You've never been this nervous before, not even when in a fight or when doing something you shouldn't be doing.

Although, you froze. You froze as the front door opened and you saw him. He was wearing a brown jacket with a black shirt and jeans. Definitely still has his old style. He was wearing torn up boots too. His brown hair was lightly now and more messy. He had a bit of a beard but it appears he recently shaved it. You couldn't move. Maria nudged you but quickly realized you were in complete shock.

"Hey Maria." Joel said as he stepped off of his porch and began to tread closer to you both. "Hi!" Maria said in a friendly voice. It seems he has yet to notice it's you. Maybe he doesn't recognize you. As Joel got closer, his eyes widened and he dropped the bag he was holding. Maria slowly stepped back. "I'll just let you two... Rekindle..." Maria definitely felt the tension between the two of you.

The two of you locked eyes. This moment, you thought it'd never come but here you are, living it. You couldn't speak. Literally, you are speechless. Joel huffed out a breathless laugh. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?" He still has that southern accent you love. You didn't say anything. "After all these fuckin' years, you're alive?" Joel said in disbelief. You could feel your heart slow down. He seems happy? Right?

"Joel, I." You couldn't finish your sentence because you were suddenly picked up into his embrace. He had his burly arms around your torso as he held you close. Your arms encased around his neck and you giggled. This is a feeling you'll never forget because it's the feeling you had when you first saw him—love. Joel spun you around and held onto you tightly. You didn't want to let go, not ever.

The hug was special. This was the kind of hug you experience very few times in your life. It was full of love and remorse, kindness and happiness. "Jesus Christ." Joel whispered as he slowed down and placed you back down. You chuckled and gazed up at him as your feet hit the ground. His hands stayed on your waist and yours on his shoulders. He's gotten taller, or maybe you've shrinked. Or you're just misremembering because it's been twenty fucking years.

"Let me look at ya." Joel whispered. He looked you up and down and smiled. "Holy shit." He hummed. You didn't know what to say. You are just... Happy. The happiest you've been throughout this entire shit show. "Hi." Was all you managed to get out. "Hi? That's all you gotta say?" Joel laughed, he was just teasing you. His hands went to your face and he sighed. "You're so cold, come on." He took your hand and jogged you up to his house, completely forgetting about the bag he left on the ground.

Closing the door behind you, Joel entered his living room and patted a spot beside him. You sat down and sighed deeply. Joel looked at you again. Both of you are in shock. "Jesus girl, I figured you was dead." Joel admitted. You laughed out. "I myself am surprised I survived this long." You actually managed to speak. Joel's soft eyes gazed at you. "You look... The same... You sound softer, somehow." Joel chuckled. You giggled.

At least he thinks you still look the same. You constantly worry about looking too old.

"Tell me, how have you survived this long? Just tell me how these two decades have been for you." Joel was ready to listen intently to all of it. You snorted and nodded. "This is going to be a long one." "And I'll listen to every bit." Joel said with assurance. You smiled. "Well, when, Sarah and Tommy left, I took Becker into my car and we drove away. We drove for miles and miles until we got to Oregon." You stated.

"The car eventually gave out so we went on foot but we got to my parents house. They were both dead. Like I literally walked into the house and saw my mother and father decomposing. I never saw my sister, I still have no clue where she's at. Same goes for her dog she had at the time." You said. Joel spoke quickly, "I'm sorry for your loss." "It's okay. I'm long since over it." You spoke softly.

"Me and Becker eventually found a different car full of gas and we drove off for miles then. I was completely stocked up, I had a full arsenal and a shit ton of food. We stayed in Oregon for a while until eventually we moved back to Texas and that was pretty crazy as you can imagine." You said softly. Joel was still listening. "I think most of my time has been in Texas. I was even a QZ there for a while, that's how I knew you were still alive."

A confused look painted Joel's face. "What do you mean that's how you knew I was alive?" "I saw photos of you and some other woman. Those photos have been surfacing for a while." "Right. That was Tess. We were smugglers." You gave him a nod. It makes sense. It's a rough way to live, definitely not an honest one, but it gets the job done. "I moved away from Texas again and ended up staying in Michigan for a while. I had a great group there. But they eventually all died, me and Becker had to go."

"After Michigan, I stayed in Maine for a long time and that's when I lost Becker. He passed away. That was about four years ago. I stayed in Maine for another year after that but then I eventually found my way here, in Wyoming." You adjusted your seating position. You didn't know what else to say. "That's basically how it's been for me. It's been rough and I've been alone for most of it, but I've managed to survive and I think that's all that matters."

Now that you think about it, you can't shut up. It's hard not to. You and him have so much to catch up on. Joel nodded. "I'm sorry Becker died. He was a great dog. I knew you and him would stick together." "We definitely did. Through thick and thin." Joel chuckled at your words. He found that adorable. "Tell me, how has it been for you?" You are sure his life has been a lot more eventful.

Joel sighed deeply. He seemed upset, sad. You made a confused look. "If you don't want to, that's okay." "No, I do. It's just the beginning that's hard to get through. I'm just going to say it, Sarah died. She got shot on the same night all of this shit went down." That made you go quiet. She was shot? She was just a kid. This made you feel so sorry for Joel. He lost his babygirl. That must've been was Maria meant. This is terrible.

You let out a soft sigh and set your hand on his upper shoulder. You rubbed it gently and nodded. "I'm so sorry. Sarah was so sweet. She didn't deserve that." "No, she didn't. She was shot by some military guy. I tried takin' the bullet for her but it seems I didn't have my timin' correct." You shook your head. "It isn't your fault. It's the corrupt military. It was crazy that night." You reassured him. Joel licked his lips in concentration. He was trying to continue on.

"After she died, I ended up in a hospital where I was mended alongside Tommy. I could hardly live without her. My only will was Tommy. Me and him ended up in Boston where we became smugglers. I was a smuggler before I met Tess." Joel stated. "Then Tommy left me for some time. I was alone. He got sick of me, joined the fireflies and I hadn't seen him for a while. Actually, not even until recently." You were surprised. They always seemed close. At least they have each other again.

"When me and Tess met, I had a reason to live again. Me and her were smugglers together, we work together for a long fuckin' time until she died on me too." "Were you and Tess like...?" You paused. You are treading lightly. You don't want to upset him. Joel just gave you a nod. "We definitely hooked up a few times but she wasn't into romance or dating." Joel snickered.

That made you laugh. At least he had some action during the apocalypse. You did too. With John. "I knew someone like that as well. His name was John. I met him when I was in Maine." "Where is he now?" "No clue. He's still alive but when I left Maine he didn't want to come with me, I left alone." "I see." Joel stated. "Look at you now. Still alive. You didn't need anyone. I'm not saying this to sound like a dick but I'm surprised, a girl of your size and caliber would have died in usual situations."

You giggled and nodded. He isn't wrong. You are surprised yourself. Everyone told you that you would die sooner or later yet you're still living and breathing. Not even most men could survive on their own. You have always been impressed with yourself and your survival skills.

"No offense taken. I am surprised myself. I think it's mainly because I've stayed out of the action. I've really managed to stay stealthy and not in a lot of sticky situations, you know?" "Opposite of me. I was always getting caught up in some kind of bullshit." Joel laughed, crossing his arms. You nodded. "Sounds like you." You are just happy he's okay. You can't believe this. This is a once in a lifetime experience.

"I guess I never clarified how I found out about this place and about you." You stated. Joel nodded, "Yeah, I hadn't really thought 'bout it. I'm still starstruck if I'm being honest." "I was out on raid, looking for a random stuff when I saw your brother. The man nearly fucking killed me but we managed to realize who one another was. I asked him to take me here so I could see you." "I'm surprised he took you, he's always nervous about lettin' people in."

"He seemed a little off but I'm pretty sure he trusts me, and he should, I mean no harm. I only wanted to see you and I planned to go on my way." Joel raised his eyebrow. You didn't know why. "Go on your way?" "Yeah. I guess I just planned on saying hi to you, catching up with you, then leaving." Joel chuckled and shook his head. "I'll talk to Tommy about getting you a place here."

That surprised you. That's such a sweet thing to do. It would be nice to have a place to call home. You haven't had anywhere in so long. Being able to live in the same vicinity as Joel would be amazing. "You don't have to do that." "I want to." Joel spoke in a low tone. You didn't try fighting back. You know how that will go. "It seems we've had a pretty fucked up lives ever since everything went down, huh?" You huffed out. "For sure." Joel laughed. Both of you seem to laugh this stuff off, despite it killing the both of you on the inside.

"I always hoped we meet again." Joel admitted. It's true. He thought about you a lot. He's told everyone about you, at least those close to him. "I did as well. When I heard about you in the QZ I was in, I had faith." "I'm glad ya did." Joel muttered. "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah. Shoot." "Who is Ellie? Maria brought her up and I saw her for a brief moment at the bar in town." Joel's face went soft entirely when you brought her up.

"I'll tell you more later but just know, and I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but she saved my life." You smiled. You found that sweet. It's kind of predictable. He sees Sarah in Ellie and has clearly been able to heal because of that. You are glad he's been able to find someone. "You don't sound like an idiot. Is she under your guardianship?" "She is. A lot of people think she's my biological daughter." Joel cackled. "Do you treat her as if she's your daughter?" "I'm definitely paternal towards her but she is her own person." You nodded, you get what he means.

Ellie saved him. You can tell. The way he talks about her. You'd like to know more about the two of them. Maybe I'll get to meet her officially.

You sighed deeply and stood up. Joel's eyes followed your figure. "You alright?" "Yes. I'm just a little winded by all of this, that's all." "You hungry?" "Definitely." You snickered. Joel also stood up and nudged his head towards his front door. "Let's go get lunch. We can catch up more then." "Food sounds amazing right now. We can." Joel gazed at you and smiled. "Let's head out then. Just follow me." The two of you then exited his home, and had a great lunch together where the two of you continued to catch up.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #our future days fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #tumblr fyp

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genshin-obsessed · 2 years ago

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When Someone Flirts with You | Haikyuu [Karasuno]

Ok, so I debated on this for a while because this has already ben posted. However, its on a blog I don't/can't go on anymore. Since this is my writing (idea and all), I'm gonna repost it here. I did debate on reblogging the fic here, but it's my works and I want them with me, on this blog. Basically, if you've seen this exact fic posted two years ago, it was me. That blog has my name and everything if you need proof. I just don't want to draw attention to it. I did reuse tags lol cuz I don't know them too well yet

Characters: Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama, Kei Tsukishima, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Ryunosuke Tanaka, Yu Nishinoya, Asahi Azumane, Koshi Sugawara, Daichi Sawamura

Extra: they're all aged up btw

COME ONE! COME ALL! See what happens when someone flirts with you in front of your mans!

➺ Shoyo Hinata

He’s kinda scared of PDA? Not scared, but he gets embarrassed easily. So there’s not much touching in public, aside from hand holding. This leads people to not know you’re taken and so you’re fair game.

This boy is NOT scary. He’s quite the opposite unless he has his MOMENT which is rare and fizzles out really fast. At first, he’ll let you handle the situation and ONLY jump in when he’s positive you require help. He’s not a helicopter boyfriend, you’re an adult. You can handle yourself. So, he’ll usually come up and tell the person that you’re uncomfortable and that they should go away.

That’s never worked before. Ever. Not one time. Hinata just looks CUTE and he’s not the tallest. Even as an adult, he’s still about 172cm (5’7). So there’s a chance the person is taller than him and if they are, they won’t take him seriously. The whole “under 6ft is not a man” bs. They’ll just shove him aside to get to you.

He hates that. There’s one thing to tease him and bully him but YOU? Oh that’s a whole nother ball game. Hinata doesn’t like seeing you upset/uncomfortable. He does everything in his power to keep you smiling so when he sees someone directly causing you discomfort… God help them.

The next method would depend on the situation. If he has a ball with him, he will throw it (this happened once at practice when you came to watch and someone wouldn’t leave you alone). But he can also jump to their height and punch/slap them. Hinata has gotten much stronger since his high school days. He will defend you at all costs.

His little jump attack? 10/10 it works EVERY SINGLE TIME and they’re GONE. Or you know… unconscious. Usually the area would go dead silent and all you can hear is Hinata huff. He’ll take your hand as gently as he can and lead you out of the establishment. Once you have fresh air, he’ll gently take your shoulders and ask if you’re ok. Reassurance is especially important here.

“They’ll never bother you again, (n/n). Are you ok?”

➺ Tobio Kageyama

Tobio isn’t one to flaunt your relationship because he’s a pretty private person. So not EVERYONE knows you’re together. Which is completely fine and acceptable, it’s just how he is. The thing is, this leads to situations where people think you’re single. If he walks away or you’re alone, people will take their chance.

You get hit on when you’re alone, usually. So, you’ll always try to find Tobio when you’re in that situation. He’ll spot you in seconds. He’s always got an eye on you (cuz you’re hot and he can’t help it). You’ll get the person to see Tobio and he’ll just GLARE. Usually, about 9 times outta 10, his death glare makes everyone go away. It’s pretty scary, especially if he’s like two feet away from them.

But there’s always one person it doesn’t work on. The one who decides to push it and try to physically touch you. This has only happened once, but the person rolled their eyes, pushed Tobio away, and pushed you against the wall.

Oh boy. Tobio doesn’t care if people bother HIM but someone who makes you uncomfortable tries to touch you? Their funeral. Especially this dirtbag. Your eyes widened in pure fear and panic when your back roughly hit the wall. The person’s face was inches away from your own and you couldn’t see Tobio anymore. You’d frozen up completely.

It only lasted a second before the person was on the floor. You’d barely had time to blink before Tobio DRAGGED them and roughly threw them to the side. The person glared and sat up, ready to curse him out when Tobio kicked him in the chest. This is usually how it would go. He takes them by surprise and throws them to the ground, all while barely breaking a sweat.

10/10 they’re probably unconscious or too terrified to move. He’ll just glare at them before slowly walking over to you. Tobio will give you a minute and will often try to hide you from the crowd that is undoubtedly staring at you. If your other friends are there, they'll hide you from view until you’re calm enough to where Tobio can take you away.

“Are you ok? It’s ok, take a deep breath. No one will ever do that to you again… I swear.”

➺ Kei Tsukishima

If you’re dating Tsukishima, you’ve gotta be tough on SOME LEVEL. There’s no way you can’t handle him but got close enough to start dating him. Then again… he doesn’t mind a cute, soft, shy partner. That just means he’ll need to be your shield more often than not. And let’s be honest, he likes protecting you. Tsuki’s not big on PDA. Like Kageyama, the entire world doesn’t need to know your business. So people can think you’re single. And you, lil pretty thang, you attract people.

You try to stick next to your boyfriend when you’re out in a public place or somewhere with lots of people. But if he does leave for a minute or you do, people will swoop in. Tsuki knows IMMEDIATELY. He just does, he’s psychic like that. He’ll see if you need help and if you do, he’ll come stand by. Tsuki’s height alone is enough to deter people, but of course, he’s pretty lanky (like… where’s the muscle?). So, most people wouldn’t be too deterred. 5/10.

See, Tsuki gets it, you’re hot. Of course people wanna flirt with you but they should learn to take a hint. Especially when you tell them you’re not interested. They usually kinda just ignore him or push him out of the way or even try to take you away. Like hell Tsuki’s gonna let that happen. Bitch please. Anyone who underestimates Tsuki is in for a treat. He can and will destroy someone’s self esteem through words. Who needs to fight? Not him. He will roast tf outta some until they’re no longer confident in themselves.

That’s the good thing about Tsuki, he doesn’t need muscle to chase people off. He’s not that weak either though, so worse comes to worse, he can defend you. But worry not, there’s no need for violence with that mouth of his. There is ONE more thing Tsuki will do that will ALWAYS get rid of people. He does this rarely because it scares you a little, but it's effective.

Tsuki will come up to you and then… he’ll punch the wall above your head and glared down at the person. No one stays after that! So 10/10! Would recommend. After that, Tsuki sighs and lets his hand fall on your head, breaking you out of your trance.

“Your face looks weird. Come on, it’s fine now. Let’s go somewhere else though.”

➺ Tadashi Yamaguchi

Oh boy…

He HATES confrontation, but for you, he’ll step right in. Usually, Tadashi likes to get in between you and the offender. He’ll try to tell them to stop bothering you. He really crosses his fingers and hopes it’ll work.

2/10, sadly, he’s just too cute to be scary. So, usually, people just brush past him or even shove him away. This kinda does put a damper on his mood. He wishes every single time he was as scary as Tsukishima (who wouldn’t want to be?) so he could scare people off. When you see that though… ooh.

This usually causes you to get VERY upset! You don’t like it when people treat Tadashi like crap so you become quite aggressive. That works BUT sometimes you’ll get those creeps that like “feisty” people. So they’ll often just pin you to a wall. This usually sparks something in Tadashi. He just… loses it. Sorry, Tsukishima who?

Since their backs are turned to him, he’ll just come up behind them, grab their hair and pull so hard they fall to the ground. If they’re bald then he’ll do the same but with their shirt. You’ll take your chance to hide behind Tadashi, who’s just death glaring at the person on the floor.

69/10! Works EVERY SINGLE TIME! Tadashi doesn’t understand it, where the hell did that come from?! But it’s very effective because the person is always gone. He just hopes no one stands up to fight him because he’ll 100% lose. He’ll realize that he might’ve been really scary and slowly turns around to face you.

“A-are you ok? I-I’m sorry if I scared you.”

➺ Ryunosuke Tanaka

Everyone and their grandmothers have to know you two are together! He’s usually all over you but you don’t hate it. It’s nice when you’re in a place with creeps around. But sometimes one of the creeps doesn’t see him or does see him but doesn’t care. They’ll saunter over to you and just shamelessly start flirting.

He’ll join them! Literally. He’ll swing his arm around the person and just lean in and start complimenting you. “You’re right, they’re hot! Hey baby! You here by yourself?” It’s odd, but you always feel better when he’s nearby in situations like this.

Usually, the person gets weirded out. They don’t know Tanaka (unless they saw him) and so they’ll either claim you’re theirs or just ask Tanaka what he’s doing. Usually, it works. If they recognize him, they’ll just quickly leave but sometimes they don’t. They’ll shove him off and try to regain your attention.

Tanaka takes it as a compliment. He’s not one to just start getting aggressively possessive. No. You’re HOT. DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! He takes it as a compliment when people flirt with you BUT to an extent. If they make you uncomfortable he goes nuts. Yeah, you’re ridiculously attractive but that doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings.

His next method is usually shoving them back. He’ll make it clear that you’re his partner and you’re not comfortable. Sometimes this makes people go away but there’s always one. For that, Tanaka just punches them. It only takes one. They’re either knocked out or just too scared to stay.

10/10. Unconscious or gone. He’ll smirk proudly, then hug you immediately. If you’re super scared or just really anxious, he’ll take a second before touching you. He prefers to reassure first before getting too into your space.

“It’s ok, they’re gone. Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

➺ Yu Nishinoya

He’s kind of like Tanaka. He loves to show off his gorgeous partner. Everyone has to know cuz he brags about you ALL THE TIME. Kiyoko who?

Like I said, he’s like Tanaka. He’ll join whoever’s flirting with you. “Hey sexy! Wanna get outta here?” This prompts the person to ask who tf he is. “Huh? Oh! I’m just flirting with my partner. They’re hot, right? I know.”

3/10. That, unsurprisingly, fails. Why wouldn’t it? Unlike Tanaka… Nishinoya’s just kinda… cute. He’s not very intimidating. People just shove him away and turn their attention back to you.

Nishinoya’s really in tune with your emotions. Like… it’s kinda weird how well he knows you. He can just feel the second you panic. That really pisses him off. He even scares you sometimes.

He’ll usually grab the person’s arm and tug them back, silently with just fury in his eyes. “Don’t. Touch. Them.” This bumps the effectiveness to 8/10. People get scared and leave but there’s always one. Noya’s already in aggressive mode, so it’s not too difficult to handle this person. He’ll kick their knee. Hard. If it breaks, oh well. 10/10. They’re gone. Either taken away by friends or something, but they won’t ever bother you again. At this point, Noya takes your hand and leads you away.

“Sorry if I scared you, but we should leave. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Some people are just disgusting.”

➺ Asahi Azumane

He doesn't show you off like Tanaka or Noya, but he usually has his arm around you. This proves to everyone you're his, right? Well some people just don’t care.

If he sees you getting uncomfy, he'll be by your side in a second!! He usually starts off by putting distance between you and the offender. 5/10; Asahi’s pretty intimidating looking, so 50% of the time, people get scared off. But there are some who don’t…

He’s not a fighter. He won’t just resort to kicking ass, so he’ll try to explain that you’re uncomfy. That kinda shows people he’s intimidating on the outside but soft on the inside, so they push him out of the way. That’s when you’ll scream for Asahi to help.

It’s on purpose, actually. Because it kinda sparks something in him. He just… changes. He doesn’t like it when you’re uncomfortable and he hates it when you’re scared. So, he’ll grab the person’s shoulder with a death grip. With one rough shove backwards and away from you usually does the trick. If it doesn’t… we’ll he’s pretty strong and he’s a big guy.

then people realize… yeah no, he’s just as scary on the inside. 10/10 they’re GONE.

“Hey are you ok? I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Do you wanna go home? We can just watch movies and cuddle.”

➺ Koshi Sugawara

Koshi is attached to you at the hip. He’s always with you and your friends know you’re dating. But he’s not really one for super, crazy PDA. I mean, he doesn’t have an issue with it, he often just finds himself standing next to you. Not touching you. This kinda leads most people to think you’re just friends.

Koshi kinda lets you handle it, but if you’re starting to get really uncomfortable, just look at him. He’ll stand beside you and just ask what’s going on. To which most people tell him to “get lost”. He’ll just smile and explain that you’re not very comfortable and they should leave you alone.

0/10. It’s never worked and it never will. They usually sigh, roll their eyes, grab your hand and try to tug you away from Koshi.

Usually, that’s what sends Koshi into like… defensive, scary Koshi. Flirting is one thing, being pushy is one thing, but forcefully taking you away…

The second someone pulls you away, he’ll grab their wrist with such a strong grip, it causes bruising. That causes the person to let go and you immediately run and hide behind Koshi.

69/10! The air around Koshi is just suffocating, he’s horrifically intimidating, and with just one look people go rigid. No one bothers him or you if you're still at the establishment. Chances are you’ll leave though.

“Sorry if I scared you, darling. Are you ok? Come on, let’s get you home.”

➺ Daichi Sawamura

Daichi’s kinda like Suga. He’s usually seen with his arm around your shoulders or you attached to his arm. Again, he’s not against PDA- he’ll kiss you in public, no problem- but does he need to? If not, there’s no reason. So again, people have a hard time telling you’re together.

Because of that, he doesn’t become aggressive when someone flirts with you. Maybe they didn’t know and they DID build up the courage to talk to you. So, he’ll just stand beside you and kindly explain you’re taken and you don’t appreciate the flirting.

It’s rare that this works out. Some people will genuinely apologize and leave, which is great. But the chances of that are like 2%. 98% of people scoff and just brush him off, turning back to you and explaining they’d be a better option.

Oh boy. Daichi does NOT appreciate that. He’s caring and sweet and often doesn’t seem like a scary guy BUT HE CAN BE. This lil “scary Daichi” thing depends on you. If you’re ok, just talk to the person, but if they’re really giving you anxiety just ask him for help. There’s just a way his name comes out of your mouth when you’re scared that irks him. He hates it when you’re so scared and vulnerable. So, scary Daichi is the result!

So, the next step is Daichi grabbing the person by the collar and glaring at them. “Maybe I’ll need to beat the respect into you which I really don’t mind doing.” Daichi is NOT bluffing. Anyone who dares challenge him WILL get their ass beat. He doesn’t negotiate when it comes to your safety/comfort.

10/10 NO ONE WANTS AN ANGRY DAICHI! 100% of people who go up against an angry Daichi run off with their tail between their legs. He’s just so goddamn scary. But he understands he can scare you too, so he’ll immediately get that under control. He’ll slowly approach you and try to touch you. Once you hug him, he’ll know everything’s ok.

“Let’s leave. I’ll buy you some ice cream on the way home, that sound good?”

#haikyuu x reader #shoyo hinata x reader #tobio kageyama x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #tadashi yamaguchi x reader #yu nishinoya x reader #ryunosuke tanaka x reader #daichi sawamura x reader #koshi sugawara x reader #asahi azumane x reader #🖊─ pocky’s writings

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wilhelmina1233 · 3 months ago

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I am back.

I wanna explain why I just suddenly crashed a yesterday...

It has been on my mind, In September, when my friend started uploading their OC here, I saw that many people commented on their post, Many people seemed like they actually cared. I didn't mind it much, I was happy they were getting SUPPORT. Then after a while, the more they posted, the more comments on their posts got. People interacted with them, talked with them, complimented them. After a while I started comparing my introduction card and theirs, 10 uncommented reblogs, 60 likes, 0 comments. No comments. No comments. No one supported me or complimented, just liked. I tried to ignore it and told myself I will get comments if I post more. So I continued. And then my other friend came to join the community, somehow, they still got comments and support. And another new creator came, and people commented on their posts too, talking about the character's lore. Watching all of these happen to others while my comments always stay on 0 made me feel so... disappointed, like, am I not doing much? It made me think that my comments are turned off and I checked it DAILY. I only ever got comments during hard situations, or when I gifted people, never on my work. I got my FIRST comment on my work on the MoonMan animation, I was so happy. I tell you. To me, comments make me motivated, It's like support to me. Thats why when I firstly posted Muri, I didn't post for another month. I didn't get any comments on her. I thought people didn't like her.

-now, IM SUPER GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! yall are amazing, I have mentioned it many times about how much I love you all. Im super grateful for everyone and everything. Don't think wrongly, but sometimes Envy gets the best of me. And I'm shocked to say this. The thing that happened the day I crashed was an episode.

-In September I was overthinking, and then suddenly Sweetswirlybread came out of no where and then the situation continued and continued to the point a picture of me was EXPOSED here and even my private blog and fake accusations and all the distress and emotions I was feeling stacked up and caused a big episode on me that lasted longer than expected. My episodes usually last a few hours or a day, but this time it lasted for a whole week. When I am during episodes I can't tyep properly, which is probably why the way I spoke in my last post was not that understandable. After I made that post I cried the whole day, not even because of the situation, just because of how hard the episode hit me. Remembering all the distress and suddenly getting told to delete all my accounts and that people are tracking me down angered me.

-I completely crashed out in my last post, I was angry at everyone and also at myself, I was disappointed in everyone and felt strong emotions. And I am sorry for putting pressure on everyone, I am sorry letting my episode go through so easily, usually, I'm not on my phone during episodes. But I seriously felt so dark at the moment. Right now, I look at my last post, and even I don't understand the words I wrote.

-I am NOT forcing you all to comment on my posts, no!! If you don't want to talk in my posts then sure, I'm okay with it. It's okay if you're too busy, or embarrassed, or just in general don't talk in people's posts. I'm not asking you for anything, If you guys won't comment on my post it won't cause me another episode, so don't worry about that too. I know It's not only hard for me, but It's hard for everyone. I am happy you all support me in your own ways, you're all amazing. I love you all. I really do, I'm sorry for making you think otherwise.

I know you guys support me, It was hard for me to see it through so much envy I was feeling. Plus the whole drama crashed me so much distress so I was so confused and disappointed to the point I completely crashed.

I wanna say that I am sorry for worrying anyone, or if I put pressure on people, or if you think that I hate you. I am deeply sorry for it, and I felt very bad the day after. I really am sorry. I want to show how much I actually do appreciate you all.

I love you all, I'm sorry for getting mad so suddenly. If you still have any questions about what I meant in some sentences in my last post I can tell you in a more understanding way.

I had to cut my break short cus I felt deeply saddened by how I crashed out on everyone. And i wanna say I am sorry.

#mutuals gather #important #๑

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inevitably-johnlocked · 7 months ago

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hey, steph! how are you, like, genuinely? not the small talk. i wanna listen

Hey Lovely 💜🖤

I want to apologize for putting this off for so long... which should be a clue as to how I am actually doing.

Honestly? Not good, but I'm trying my best. It's been... a time. Will put under a cut for those who don't want to read about the tagged items.

TL;DR – my real life is a bit chaotic, and I hide a lot from y'all because I REALLY try not to be negative here since my blog is where I come to be happy AND because I am a very private person, but I try my best to just keep going day to day as the chaos settles down slowly.

I've got some good things coming though, so I hope a week's rest next week when I'm off (and will probably take a break from here too) will reset my brain.

Work has been insane, and is most of the cause of my mental distress for the past few months. From Easter until Canada Day Weekend at my job is lovingly referred to as "Silly Season" simply because of how on-the-fly, balls-to-the-wall our workload is until summertime downtime officially begins for us. Without disclosing too much, it's basically non-stop, long hours for me until one of the 3 break weeks we get during the this long stretch happens where, incidentally because of the nature of my job and the team I work on, it actually gets BUSIER for us.

It actually ended earlier than we expected this year (yesterday) and we'll be "quieter" until the end of September now. See an opportunity, I actually took next week off between the two long weekends because my mental health has taken a severe hit and I'm having trouble just... enjoying things? I'm haven't gamed or drew in a few weeks, and blogging and writing feels like a chore. I literally just come home, file this blog, reply to one or two asks, and then go to bed, and do it all over again the next day. Day in and day out, for 3 months. On weekends I have to force myself out of my apartment because I KNOW I will sink lower if I don't leave.

On top of that, my brain has convinced me that literally everyone hates me: friends, coworkers, family, you guys, my damned plants. I just feel very alone these days and... I'll be real here, I've almost abandoned this blog a few times in the past few months. I feel like I make fic lists that no one reblogs or likes and tell me they're all shit. I post my art and I barely break 20 notes. I write something and I get maybe 2 likes. I can't really answer any thoughtful asks because my mental state's been in the shitter for months. I desperately want to reply to the few sexuality asks I have and I physically can't. Being on my computer – after working ON a computer for my day job for 12 hour days everyday – feels like too much, so I try to limit my time on the blog now too.

I just try to keep carrying on, encouraged by the once-in-a-blue-moon testimonial ask I get thanking me for still being here. I thank YOU guys for reminding me that people still like coming here.

Stressed about money and food and rent just like everyone else, and just getting frustrated at other things.

And finally, my uncle (my dad's brother and my godfather) hasn't been doing well health-wise, and he's being moved to assisted living next week. His health has been declining since Easter, so it's been a bit of worrying time for relatives.

Having my therapist helps a lot. She talks me through a lot of my complicated feelings, my sense of self and ways to cope with my anxiety and stress. I'm talking to her again next week, so no worries, gang. As I said, I just keep on keeping on.

Some positivity though:

I booked next week off to try to just... recenter myself. To forget about everything and TRY to get back to doing the things I love. I will probably take a break from this blog as well during that time to limit my social-media time. It's not ideal but I need a break from my computer, I think.

I go to the gym a lot more these days, which has helped with the seething annoyance I constantly have at work. Usually feel better after it.

And because of the gym and getting out more, I've been slowly feeling better physically, better than I have since before 2019. The break from work is for the mental health, LOL.

I'm getting my hair recoloured next week. Can't afford it, really, but I just REALLY need to feel better about myself again, and I always feel so different when I colour my hair. I was doing so good for awhile. I want that again.

Anyway, I'm sorry to bombard y'all with my complicated mess of a brain. I really do appreciate you asking, so THANK YOU. I rarely get asked in real life if I am okay because I keep very private due to past people betraying my trust. And I don't like seeing people unhappy, so I feel if I tell people about my problems, then I feel I am a burden, so I just... continue existing.

Thank you for letting me be a burden just this once.

#steph replies #about me #my life #chatting with lovelies #triggers under the read more:#depression cw #stress cw #self loathing cw #declining health cw #negativity cw

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