#cause clearly i love myself
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Me, a Hispanic - Caribbean with Romani ancestry, making a fic where Wednesday uses protection rituals and other practices reserved for significant others that have been passed down through generations in my family:
Also me, knowing those same rituals and practices got my ancestors in trouble with their own version of The Puritans, but they still did them out of devotion to their lovers:
And yes, it's all to protect this guy:
#not me projecting#somebody take this keyboard away#first fic I ever write and of course it's goddamned Wyler#cause clearly i love myself#tyler galpin#wyler#wednesday addams#wednesday netflix#weyler#wednesday x tyler#wednesday#tyler x wednesday#team tyler
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"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#armand#the vampire armand#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#daniel molloy#alice molloy#must preface that NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO USE THIS FOR LDPDL HATE PURPOSES#even though louis (well both of them lbr) clearly had communication and commitment issues#armand directed a play that would KILL louis all because he was self conscious that louis didn't love him enough#anyway this is just one interpretation of the 'alice rejected daniel's proposal' convo scene#cause i see soo many people ask 'why did armand say all that' (and have wondered so myself)#even though we cant rule out the possibility that devil's minion happened in the past and that this was armandaniel history tease#armand could be projecting his choice re: louis and the trial onto alice's choice here#similar to how daniel was projecting his feelings about paris onto claudia in this same episode#i just think this would make sense thematically w armand's arc this season#(ie revealing what a deeply insecure and selfish and fucked up lover he is under his guise as a 500 yo devoted and caring husband)#armand 🤝 lestat: i will love you and i will hurt you. if i cant have you then i will break you#[plays under your spell by desire] whats the difference between love and obsession and desire? do you think this feeling could last forever#c.txt#mine#'she didnt think she could trust you' sounds like a YOU problem buddy#and then armand realizes he was wrong too late and bro was SCRAMBLING#the start of something beautiful aka failmarriage!!! :D
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oh my god not me being so unobservant i didnt even realize we get to be visible this week🫢 anyway i think all the lesbians should take advantage of this new visibility to find each other for once and also to kiss 👉👈
#lesbian visibility week#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#clearly the reason i couldn’t find a gf is cause they aren’t usually visible right??#for real though hope all my lesbians are feeling beautiful and seen and loved and valid#im blowing you all little kisses❤️❤️❤️#thank you for inspiring me to accept myself#thank you for living as who you are i love yall so so much#im gay and i like sleeping
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revstar fans we need to put on the best talent show this towns ever seen and save ReLive!!
#revue starlight#NOT TAKING THE NEWS WELL AT ALL. MY GIRLS THEYRE TAKING MY GIRLS AWAY FROM ME!#like its been a part of my daily routine for like a year and half now... im not gonna know what to do with myself#i really cant stand all the people being like HAHA EAT SHIT AND DIE GACHA GAME#like i will not defend the gacha aspect. i wish it it did not have to be a gacha. i acknowledge gacha games as a concept suck#but like relive wasnt some souless cash grab gacha game#the writers clearly had real passion for what they were doing. they had stories to share with us in the revue starlight universe#and sadly the way things are shitty gacha game was how they were able to make it possible#and truly it had such amazing stories. like. theres no media quite like rev star. a complete cast of female characters#all of them complex and flawed and getting to have big messy feelings!! and fighting eachother with magic swords about those feelings!!#all the different relationships between them love and rivalry and friendships and sisterhoods all complicated and fleshed out#LIKE IT JUST MEANT MUCH TO HAVE THE STEADY STREAM OF COMPELLING STORIES ENTIRY FOCUSED ON GIRLS#and now its going to be gone. i know theres still all the other revstar medoa and hope they keep doing stuff with the francise#i hope we see the frontier and rinmeikan girls again someday. they honestly had the most moments that made my jaw drop#onward to the next stage#right?#anyways do you get it talent show lol cause theyre stage performers
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curse these wretched organs vro what the Fuck man !!!!!!!
#hes on his boyeriod#no one look at him#i love 3rd personing myself hhaha#YEEOWTCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if i stop posting for a week uhhh tell mick thomson i love her cause i probably died#bro thought i was newgen to escape woodstock 99 🤫🧏♂️#fuck my stupid baka life#this is so sick and twisted#sick and twisted#my entire spinal cord is in excruciatingly agonizing pain but that's nothin compared to literally everything else#fuck it we ball#i justr. gotta keep on roulen.....ough..#slipknot yuri save me#stanley is a crazy insane butch and stanford is just a transgender acearo autism man#the oeriod it's making me see things more clearly this shtits makin me hsve a fuckimg EPIPHANY got DAMN IS IT PAINFUL BRO AAAUGHHGJ#should I just post the words instead of putting everything in the tags am i tumblring wrong#oh my jod vro#oh.my glizzy#Dave I am so litty off this fire zaza you gave me#<==quote from a Dirk Strider ms doodle thing by someone else I literally JUST saw it I'll make sure you see the post too#FUCK#ok byebye gang#i love you vro. ❤️#I should prooobably make a tag for when I do shit like this ok fuck wai t#hmmm yapper tag what do i name it hrmm thinks really really hard#st3r1l3s YAPPIN..#Sssssssigan viendo...#ok bye fo rilly this time vro. ❤️
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there’s a special place in hell for people who take the time and go through the effort of leaving negative comments on fanfics, like-- what is wrong with you, what is LEGITIMATELY wrong with you? I’m so angry and so devastated on behalf of everyone who has been harrassed like this and who is going through something like this right now. There’s no excuse for shitty behavior - if you intentionally leave a hurtful comment on something someone created and put out there for other people’s enjoyement, for free, after spending probably HOURS if not WEEKS or MONTHS or longer on it, you’re an incredibly shitty, disgusting, miserable waste of space of a person be better
#this is just unbelievable behavior#I cannot imagine what kind of a person uses their time and energy to spread negativity when they could be doing something good instead#like why I seriously don't get it#it is so horrible and so heartbreaking and makes me so so damn angry that people are bullied like this to the point that they stop doing#what they clearly have enjoyed doing until this point#it's so wrong and people who cause this - you are the worst kind of person#but be better is also aimed at myself because I've slacked on spreading the love myself by commenting on the fics I love#like pretty much every single codywan piece Glimmer ever wrote#I always tell myself “I'll do it later when I'm not busy with schoolwork etc” but later might be months later or it might be too late#so I'll do better myself and I'll start commenting more even if it's just a short quick note its better than not gettin around to it at all#because fanfic authors deserve all the love in the world#fanfics have made my life infinitely better and the authors need to know how much they've affected my life#and how much their fics mean to me#so I'll do better as well#text post#star wars#codywan#YES I'll tag those because it is relevant
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I'm super visual when reading books and usually see the whole thing playing like a movie in my head, and when I first read the PJO books I had a very clear mental picture of Percy, but this time around it's much more blurry... cause Percy's kind of just faded into me in my mind.
#i think it's crucial that i first read these books the summer before my first big school related break down#the age when my goodkid.mp3 syndrome really caught up with me#cause it was really the start of me figuring that part of myself out#and that journey didn't really come into a full picture until 3 years later when i got my autism and adhd diagnosis#and didn't really end until this year when i finally learned to stop feeling guilty over when my neurodivergentsies became hard for people#to deal with#and i started getting mad at people for having a problem with them instead of apologetic for inconveniencing them#like... i don't think 14 year old me saw herself as particularly similar to percy but there was clearly a subconscious recognition there#that made me love the books so much#leave it to me to turn everything into a narrative but it really feels meant to be that i returned to these books this year#it's making the whole thing come full circle#mal rereads pjo#pjo#percy jackson#personal
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“Slut your wrists! Kill yourself! then you post a selfie saying “Don’t want to smile feel weird about it” as a desperate attempt to get compliments. You’re in your mid twenties doing all this😭 Grow up you’re not a teenager anymore. 30 is closer than ever and you’re breaking down because someone asked if you cry a lot? Someone mentions your jowls and you freak out. You tell them to kill themselves. People your age are Mothers. You might not have any but act your age. Geez.
my dick must taste fantastic for how far you're throating it
#I'm not doing it for attention <3 i literally am just talking and expressing myself <3 my therapist said i can say kill yourself <3#and if you could read which clearly you can't you would know that they didn't say it to be nice or anything they wanted to hurt my feelings#sorry I'm human and get hurt because i don't like how i look sometimes that's 100% okay dumbass#and you must think I'm stupid to live in utah and not know people are mothers do you think Im oblivious and don't already feel awful#what have you gained from this cause i don't really care what you think i don't care what anyone really thinks I'm not doing anything for#attention i am just using this as my diary and i post a silly lil selfie when i go to therapy but clearly you don't know that#i literally am around children all day i know what is like to be a mom what do you know tho?#i actually REALLY hate when people compliment me when I'm just saying i don't like something is really annoying I'm just being polite#but you think you know everything and love to ride my dick so#anyway have a great day even tho you're really pathetic and i should know cause I'm also really pathetic#also can't spell 🫵 think you said something important 🫵
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where'd you draw inspiration for T&TA and how long did it take you to comprise a legible script [a fellow, curious- and pretty young writer]
The most immediate inspirations for Time and Time Again were Jaws, Quantum Leap, and Psych. I grew up watching a ton of detective type shows and so there's a lot of background radiation in my brain taken up by those. I tend not to take much stock in inspiration though, and generally am comfortable just powerhousing through things (it's kind of what I went to school for). Inspiration happens when it happens, but if it doesn't, my work still needs to get done!
It took me about 7 months to write the first season, which is 4 complete stories. To be clear, though, I don't script! I outline major character events, and then I make about 100 more detailed outlines until I get to one that hits all the development points I want and feels interesting to me. This takes me weeks of writing sometimes 10+ pages a day, putting together boards with strings, etc. until I feel I've got an outline of events that I'm happy with!
I actually get to writing and finessing dialogue while I'm making thumbnails, and 1 episode can take me anywhere from a day to 2 weeks. The longest ones are when they're arguing, and I'm struggling with the minutiae of the implications of their words, where I want them both to be sympathetic without making their dialogue feel unnatural.
So, one complete arc takes me about 4-6 months from start to finish, I think.
My writing is at its best when I get to plan everything up front, and it's at its worst when I'm forced to deliver week-to-week and I can't see the whole story as it is. But, I've also been writing for a long time and I know myself and my process pretty well! Every writer is different, and some people need a lot more time than others. Let yourself relax, don't try to do things "the right way" because there is no right way. Just make stories! Make the process fun for you, and your skills will grow the more stories you tell. As long as you're having fun, the stories are serving their purpose.
#asks#rocklain#if you want more details about how I actually write dialogue it gets really intense#sorry omg I wrote so much and then deleted it I think this is as small as I can go LOL#I think I could script and I would if I were collaborating with someone and they needed a script but working by myself? no need#and I prefer working without scripts#they don't really help me...#sometimes when I'm REALLY stuck writing a few scripts can help#but the script dialogue pretty much never makes the final cut cause the pacing is extremely off for the thumbnails#writing for novels is also really different from comics which is different from movies which is different from plays which is different fro#goes on. but yeah#love it! I love writing so much!!!#and I love to talk about it...#clearly#lol#also your icon (pleading eyes emoji) (heart emoji)
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It took me, ugh, MONTHS (2), to get to cleaning the two shrimp tanks I have... I had IRL issues going on that would have made it extremely difficult to do a water change especially while injured, and I just had to keep putting it off. It's just shrimp, so it wasn't like, the worst situation, especially since I have established plants and the tanks are a couple years old. There was just a lot of algae build-up on the glass, and, well... Let me just say it was not contributing to my mental health and well-being while the tanks were in that state.
I tested the water before I started cleaning and the parameters were fine (like, I could have left the tanks even longer if I would be okay with selling my soul to the Algae Collective), and the plants and shrimp look fine, too (I mean, I've obviously been keeping an eye on the tanks bc I sit right next to them). Actually, I'd wager to say that the plants are looking really great (the lilies haven't died off [yet? This is the longest period of time I've seen them stay... foliage... fol... foliated? Idk.] and the cryptocoryne in the 10gal is fucking huge and needs to be rearranged, just not right now). That fucking algae was a motherfucker to get off the 10gal (it's a plastic tank and I think that makes the algae grip harder than the glass 5gal).
[Also, fyi, depending on the tank's needs and stability, recommended water changes are a small one every week or every other week. My parameters don't seem to do anything dramatic, so I usually aim for a 20-30% water change every third week (just depends on how much vacuuming needs to be done and how cooperative the shrimp are with moving aside). So 2 months is still a lot. I still did the normal 30% ish amount, since doing more will risk the shrimp's well-being if there's a sudden change in everything, and my water parameters indicated a change was unnecessary - but I don't test for more than the minimum freshwater tests, so there could be a buildup of some mineral I'm not testing for, which is why the change IS actually necessary regardless of what my test kit says - because these tanks were evaporating a lot in summer, it condenses the minerals added with each water addition, even tho I usually top up with R.O. water.]
My back is fucking killing me lol. It has been killing me since spring when it 'went out' for the first time, and I'm not getting any relief, it sucks. But this had to be done.
The 5gal is looking pretty cloudy still, since the filter was super gunked up and I accidentally spilled gunk back in, so I may need to retest the 5gal parameters tomorrow just to make sure I don't have to do another water change, but it'll probably be fine, right? Shrimp love mulm and detritus. I did give both tanks a big ole algae tab for their trouble, tho. (I need a fuckening dish for the big tank. I really wanna clean off that white quartz rock again, but being white means it's an algae magnet, and it's just gonna go green again after a month or two.)
Anyway, shrimp tax:
I lov thees widdle oange bebies.
Wish I could take better pictures rn, but I am. Like. Dying. My recommendation: never live in an A-frame style room if you have the option. The wall above my tanks is slanted, and NOT fun for my back to bend underneath the wall for maintenance. (My only flat wall in the room is for my TV/PC.) Also, treat your back nicely, in general. I unfortunately have not had the option to treat my back nicely since spring (fall now), because 'when it rains it pours,' and heavy shit that needs to be moved will not move itself. Once I get a few more things in my room in order, I will hopefully be done with the IRL chaos, bc I have Halloween socks to knit, and I'm not putting that off for another year. (I'm still mad that I couldn't make the ones I planned last year. And I found more Halloween yarn I forgot I bought, so I'm gonna try to make multiple socks.) And I just really need to fucking chill and knit and stop having panic attacks and meltdowns.
#me earlier today: oh i should bleach my hair since i havent been able to shower for 2 days it wont damage it as much#me now: i dont know if i can even stand long enough to shower after this#anyway im gonna try to eat something and then shower and pass tf out.#maybe i shouldve taken a before picture to show how much i did...#...but i do Not want to remember 'that one time i didnt do a water change for 2 months' the algae was gross lol i couldnt even get it all#but honestly idc ab the back wall having algae as long as the front and most of the sides are clear#seriously the algae was textured like sandpaper tho. does algae do pearling? if it does then its calcium buildup too#edit while typing bc i looked it up. yes algae pearls. so the bubbles it was making were drying enough to cause calcium deposits#oH also lmao i found the tiniest pinch of hornwort left in the 10gal. idk why the hornwort doesnt like that tank but its hilarious that...#...that one little fingernail sized piece is still alive floating in there. i stuck it next to the lily but the shrimp will prob dislodge it#the hornwort in the 5gal is just freefloating i cant get that shit to stick#the shrimp love that stuff and they look like little birds in a pine tree#im in so much pain im procrastinating food lmao 'order pizza' crossed my mind but my jaw wont let me eat pizza so fml#anyway. just wanted to show an accomplishment even if its not a praise worthy one since i didnt go the extra 10 miles to water change sooner#awwww tho i love seeing them glide around the tank and now i can see them clearly its so chill#shrimp#aquariums#crustaceans#bugs#Cori.exe#Post.exe#Image.exe#also my therapist started cracking up this morning when i said like 'i can finally rest now tht i dont have a Saw trap bathroom to navigate'#seriously tho it was bad and then another issue in the bathroom came up 2 days ago but theyre both fixed now. my br is normal now.#im not normal tho (normal for myself i mean) and unfortunately thats not gonna be an easy fix but im trying#man can i ever make a post where i dont type a million words lmao. inability to focus and then i start typing more stuff#oh ab the hair bleach man my roots are so dark i just trimmed off the last of the bleach from last time so i got 2tone hair rn#idk when ill get to that. dependsnon my back. i already wasnt in a great state of being when i did the aquariums but i needed to clean them#ok i rly need to try n make food and shower before i start growing algae on myself
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so my new gender presentation is Joey and Amber
new mannerisms based on Joey
i think Joey a lot but Amber i guess if i need to be femme
but he's a prison-experience guy, a line cook, and a jersey guy, and it's not cool for a young person to copy that -- those associations don't actually help! but it's so fucking fun to swear and do the italian hand gestures and shorten words
he's nothing to me without being in love though, he's nothing without being soft for some younger adult
maybe i'll figure out why i like all these older guys
i guess~ ^-^
#i caught myself doing the italian hand gestures this morning#sometimes when your hormones fuck up it turns out your coping mechanism is a situationship to hold on to#honestly my favourite kind of relationships#i've been so 😈 about them for the last 4 days#am i seriously gonna find a dilf?? maybe. it only makes sense since i'm younger afab. but i'm gnc#maybe i won't find love unless i'm a 40 year old man who's got some power and authority and is like an outcast in some way#what's hard is not the 'man' part lmao it's probably building something so that i've actually got something going at 40#just kidding i believe in myself enough to know that i'll be alright -- don't know about *power* but i can bring competence#like not hitman agent 47 competent but alright#(clannibal diana47 whouffaldi jamber there's a thing i clearly have a thing)#now it just stands to question whether joey is a top or a bottom. SO FAR the older men have been service tops OR bottoms. no true doms#as in absolutely no old man's heart (so far from the first 3) is into actually dominating in bed#and joey's like not... 'cause he's only shouty because he's at work and he's running the ship you know? and it's a way to vent!
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-->And then I remembered – hey, I never did anything with the pictures she took of the trio in Chestnut Ridge for SimCity Founding, did I? So once she was sufficiently refreshed, I woke her up from her nap, stuck all those pictures up on the wall, and tried to decide on my favorites. I ended up getting another one of those “three-picture” frames like the one I used for some of their honeymoon snaps (holds one vertical small photo, one horizontal small photo, and one vertical medium photo) and putting the best ones in there before selling the rest, then hanging the frame by the phonograph with said honeymoon pictures. :) I do love putting their photos up all over their house – really makes it feel like the place is THEIRS.
-->With that done, I had Smiler feed Toothy and make sure all trash piles had been binned, then had Alice empty said bin and take the garbage off to the rabbithole dump. Victor, finishing in the greenhouse, then proceeded to Repairio every damn wind turbine (because they were all broken AGAIN, ugh), plus a water collector, before being sent to make eco-upgrade parts on the fabricator while Smiler got put back on “make computer chips” duty. Alice came back from the dump, and I decided to have her maybe make some more bulk sugar or flour for cooking –
Except that, for some reason, she wouldn’t go where I told her. She just kept walking to and fro around the front of the lot, utterly ignoring everything in her queue. O.o I ended up having to reset her AGAIN so she’d stop and listen to commands. *grimaces* Which – this is getting worrying. I mean, I’m glad I’ve learned the power of the Shift-Click, but stuff like this REALLY makes me wonder if this save file is officially on its last legs...
-->Well, couldn’t worry about that at the moment – with Alice deglitched again, I decided to instead have her make some jewelry! Because that’s supposed to be a thing she is doing now. I had Victor give her the Alabaster he’d dug up in Oasis Springs the other day, and directed her to combine that with the punium she had on her to make a Raw-style bracelet. While she was doing that, Smiler moved onto to making mechanisms, as they now had enough computer chips for a Servo (we’re so close!), and poor Victor got attacked by the Fabricator, prompting me to send his Fun-wanting bum to the study so he could Tickle The Ivories on his piano. XD After completing a mechanism, Smiler then was sent upstairs to have a bath and write some jokes, while I watched Alice to see if she would finish her bracelet before it was time for them to head to Totter Park for their weenie roast...
Nope. Rather than running out of time, though, Alice was just overwhelmed by her werewolf instincts demanding she go outside, so I let her go out into the rain and let out a somber howl to drop her Fury to as low as it would go. From there, it was just a matter of waiting until 5 PM for the weenie roast –
-->Except. 5 PM rolled around. And instead of getting the “start the event” pop-up, I instead got a couple of notices about it being Cheerleading Day at the high school and the Spice Festival in San Myshuno. Puzzled and annoyed, I waited on-lot for a moment to see if the pop-up would trigger, then tried sending the trio to Totter Park on their own to see if THAT would get the event to start –
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#we do love a good multi-picture picture frame in this household :)#and while the ones you can get for doing a family reunion are fun#I do like that there's a base game one that you can use as well#that allows you to put in a mid-sized snap#I think that's like the best size of picture now in the game#big enough that you get to see the picture clearly#small enough that it doesn't take up an absurd amount of space on the wall#good stuff :)#less good of course is all the glitches I'm getting in my game now#not sure what was going on with Alice this playsession#she seemed to be a magnet for bugs#as for the party I think the problem was me unknowingly scheduling the party to start at the same time as the festivals#I didn't realize it could potentially cause issues#though I guess having the beginning of the party glitch out is only appropriate for a Cursed Weenie Roast#*sigh* why do I keep doing this to myself...#oh right I still expect social events in this game to just WORK#bleeh#queued
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A Star Is Born (1937) is actually vileeeee because the part where Esther looks at Norman’s photograph and echoes his last words to her (which by the way was a FANTASTIC scene because of how well and how devastatingly you can re-contextualize it in light of his suicide) but we as an audience don’t see what picture she’s looking at because of the recurring theme of privacy and forced lack thereof and she’s been hounded at his funeral and harassed repeatedly and had her veil torn off her and now at last her grief is private and even the audience doesn’t get to see?? SO well done it makes me mad
#it also made me tear up#which for myself I consider crying at media because I rarely actually cry#watched this movie for the first time today and I did not expect to like it as much as I did#og#a star is born#a star is born 1937#analysis#also I watched it right after watching funny girl and I really liked how clearly they conveyed the emotions between the two#how Norman struggles but still loves his wife was really refreshing after FG cause I was worried I’d accidentally#put on the same plot twice lmao#(to be clear while I didn’t enjoy FG as much it did what it was trying to do I’m not saying ASIB did what FG was attempting)#but also the narrative of husband upstaged who struggles but still evidently loves his wife so much is decidedly less common#so that in itself was refreshing#although I understand that FG is semi-biographical so they were working with the story they had#anyway. it’s a really nice movie I quite liked it
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I hate mental illness so much
#Im mostly having a good day like#my mom sent me the iron supplements she took when she had anemia and like#for having 14-20 hours of rehearsal in the last 48 hours I am surprisingly energized so like clearly they’re working#but I simply cannot get myself to eat#and because of that I haven’t left the house and like I’m not yet late for class#but if I don’t leave soon I will be#but I can’t go to class without eating#cause I skipped dinner last night thinking I’d wake up feeling less like this#and still this morning I just don’t want to eat#I think I’m just gonna have cheerios cause I think I’m just overthinking it#like trying to force myself to have protein when really I just need to have SOMETHING#but ugh#literally my 10-11am hour is supposed to be for working and I woke up at 8am and have done NOTHING#live laugh love#life of a boomerang#disordered eating tw
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sometimes i forget that there are people who listen to the mountain goats for the “quality” “music” and don’t consider anything anything older than ahwt to even be listenable…
#which isn’t to say that i DON’T think they have objectively good songs#but just that the quality of the music itself is beside the point for me#it’s completely unrelated to the point#aggressively outing myself as a ‘lyrics guy’ here but that is legitimately all that i care about#when i listen to a song (any song not just tmg) all i’m asking is are the lyrics good and is the singer selling it#if the answer to both of those questions is yes then i love the song#if the answer to the lyrics question is no but they’re REALLY selling it then maybe#but if they’re not selling it then it’s a lost cause#even if the lyrics are great tbh#which is what i like tmg for#because JD sells everything SO hard#but yeah recently saw somebody say they don’t listen to anything older than ahwt and don’t even find ahwt that good#and i’m just like wow. we leave in different worlds…#not that i’ve listened to all the new stuff#but i cannot believe that it’s SO good that it would make me forsake everything that came before#it’s clearly just a taste difference#some people don’t like the rougher stuff that lacks a full band#but I’m not here for the music… i’m here for the poetry which just happens to be in musical form#i’m glad JD can also create full songs and has fun with that - i’m happy for him and for those who enjoy that specifically#but i just think. it’s all good.#thank you and goodnight 😌
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Every time I go on a dating app I feel hopeless -.-
#rant#genuinely frankly i would probably do better at speed dating im person but that doesnt exist here#i go on app. i see poly partnered people looking for another partner. i do not seek to be that#i almost talk myself into just trying to be friends in case They know someone id like before i realize#thats a bit convoluted. i see one person actually just looking for friends like me and feel relief#and maybe i could make a friend but i want love i want romance and is pursuing that instead primarily#exactly why im a great friend whos been single for years? i see several men who absolutely did not read#rhat im fucking nonbinary. i see a person whos single and wants only hookups so my demi ass is out#i see a single person with no fucking hobbies jn common who i dont personally find aesthetically appealing#i see someone hot finally and immediatelt wonder what Red Flag theyre unavailable i must be subconciouslt clocking into#ah. yes. theyre oceans away making our chances of intimate long term commitment slim unless we both are significantly interested#and they give one word answers indicating theg dont want to chat. which us the only way i have to build a connection for now.#and then i wonder if im picky cayse im noticing incompatibikities. or cause no one compatible is around on my app#or is it self sabotage? or would Dating a red flag be sabotage?? or am i too demi to fucking do this i fucking hate this#i dont even know if id like someone in 5 months IF they were compatible and single. and then rhe chances of them liking me thay long?#well lers just say ive not yet had a partner ever say they liked me back. i mean theyve lied for several months. then come clean rhat#they never actually liked me and i was just convienient so :/#i am so tired. i hate dating apps. i could probably self sabotage in 1 minute tho and message a married poly person#who cannot therefore marry me and who i cannot be the primary priority of. then i guess that would be self sabotage#cause id So clearly be letting myself crysh on someone unavailable wooh. -.-#jm so so tired man. i jusr wanna crush kn someone. kiss someone. bang regularly for decades.#oh and id Reallt like to fall in mutual love. the awful state of things? mt parents suggested to me#i get with someone i dont like romanrically and just make myself have a relationship#cause i guess they have no faith in me finding mutual love. which ngl makes me so incredibly sad even rhey dont believe i can
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