#cat behind the bars
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Kitty
Just feel like it babah
#bored#well not bored#but rather#ugh I dunno#just feeling nothing#ughhhh#blank blank boink buddoink#reminds me of my brain enemy number one#cat behind the bars#hate this thing#my art#some doodles
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06/06/2024
i was trying to stay optimistic yesterday about having to study for the bar but let's just say the optimism comes in waves and i'm much less optimistic today lol..... what's helping me get through it? cute stationery !!!
#i looove my cat paper clips - they're sooo cute#can't wait until i get my own cat once i move to the city and settle down#i was trying to stay ahead on my bar prep course's schedule but i've fallen behind that im now on schedule.. im upset#even though i'm technically not actually behind ugh i'm really going to GRIND today (unlikely)#tea tuesday#studying#studyspo#studyblr#study inspiration#stationery#stickers#stationery freaks#notes#study notes#b*r pr*p
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Obviously, we know that Inej knows Kaz best but really, even she doesn't know him - or at least, doesn't understand many parts to him.
"He just lets go" about a boy who has never let anything go. Who, since he was nine years old, has been unhealthily obsessed with Pekka and taking him down. Who was still obsessed with this revenge eight years later. Who hears his dead brother's voice in his head - cruelly egging him on on this maddened quest for vengeance. Who remembered every single last detail of the Hertzoon con; who killed eveyone involved.
People criticise this line, and rightfully because it's plain wrong, but it goes to show how isolated Kaz is and that even with the person he trusts most, he still holds many cards close to his chest. He still hasn't shed his armour completely - not even with Inej.
Inej also doesn't understand Kaz's language. She knows the signals he has established with her for moves and attacks but, funnily enough, it's only ever Matthias that truly reads Kaz (understanding his micro expressions and how he cares about Inej). She understands that she is trusted because he takes off his gloves - but even then doesn't seem to understand the extent; Kaz strips in front of her, as a show of trust - that he's willing to expose himself to her, but she doesn't understand that this is what he is trying to convey. I highly doubt this is a way of wooing Inej. At least, that that was the main reason. He was being vulnerable with her, showing his underbelly.
Kaz cannot say he cares, but he also can't seem to show it either - not in a conventional way, anyway. He carries Inej to the Ferolind despite it causing him pain, he yanks out the eye of the man who stabbed her. He says "I protect my investments." And that sounds completely dickish, but Kaz doesn't show appreciation. Ever. Inej doesn't understand that "I protect my investments" means "I want to look after you because you mean a lot to me" because that's what it means!!! In Kaz's language. "Protect" -> Look after, take care of, defend. "Investments" -> Very important to him, more valuable over time (liking her more and more as times goes on). "I protect my investments" isn't the stupid, asshole line Nina and a lot of people read it as. It's Kaz's kinda mean, not betraying how much it means to him, round about way of showing he cares. He won't say it outright because living in the Barrel has taught him that that is dangerous.
This is shown again when he says "I would come for you. And if I couldn't walk I'd crawl to you. And no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out, knives drawn, pistols blazing, because that's what we do, we never stop fighting." He can't say a simple "I care about you." but he can say all that. Why? Because he ties his care to violence. Protection. Causing harm to defend Inej. (Strooooong dog motifs for Kaz btw - the people of the Barrel were spot on with the rabid dog nickname)
And it links to how all the characters are always saying "ohh he's so mysterious, I don't know anything about him, where he came from, or what his motives are" when Kaz is literally openly saying everything.
He doesn't not speak of his trauma or his feelings! He talks about them all the time! He just isnt straightforward.
"Barrel boys don't have parents, they're born in the harbours and crawl out of the canals."
"My mother is Ketterdam, she birthed me in the harbour."
He's literally talking about being "dead" (thrown on the Reaper's Barge), how that affected him (traumatised him so bad he feels like he is no longer the same boy, that he was reborn as something else - a monster), about having to crawl out of the harbour, wet and weak from fever. He openly admits he's an orphan. He talks about it! Just in a cryptic way. A way no one understands.
It's like he's crying out, with people not far, but no one hears him. Like he's still on the Barge, making a futile attempt to cry out "I'm still alive." The Barge still has that hold on him. It's a manifestation of the trauma. It's the same way the flashbacks taking him back to that miserable night. A prison that he can't seem to ever be free from.
When he tells Inej "Tell Jesper he's missed around the Slat." he's doing it again, just more blatantly and more obvious, so that she picks up on it this time. He's showing her his language! Telling her to read into what he is saying! He's saying that he misses Jesper in his detached, cryptic way.
And this is so important with everything Kaz says. Reading between the lines - that's how you start to understand him. We get a cheat sheet by seeing his internal thoughts, but his dramatic talk is the olive branch for outsiders.
When Inej is asking him to open up, she isn't asking that he should share his problems and vulnerabilities like she believes she is saying. She's asking him to be more direct. And that's the difficult part for Kaz.
#kaz brekker. ever the performer#my isolated wet cat of a boy#who doesn't know how to show affection#and is stuck behind the bars that he himself created#he makes me crazy#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#six of crows#grishaverse#six of crows duology#my analysis
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OG Mickey & Felix + me having a good time
What if I make them middle aged men who are dating and starring in a movie called "Train of Madness" where they're going on a trip by train and meet old friends and go through time and find out how far they've come but also they have to escape the mad doctor then what
#my art#mickey mouse#felix the cat#cartoons#20s cartoons#public domain#queer#I'd be behind bars if being cringe was a crime tho but at least I wont be behind bars for copyright violations!!!!#train of madness#redesigns#mickey x felix
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Depressive?I find it hopeful,Dreams.Being constrained to one place like an imprisoned subject...that isn't living .Sure you may be exposed to god knows what lurks around you but..at least you are free of the shackles of your circumstance instead of fucking rotting away in one place because of your creators.To have the ability to move because you can,that feeling...feels so goddamn liberating.Even if you can't right now,maybe one day Dreams..
#answered#rainworld askblog#[dreams]#something something which rat is truly free#the one that escapes the cage only to die at the claws of a cat#or the one that lives and dies behind the safety of it's bars#is one rat more free than the other ? or are they both free in their own special ways ?#perhaps neither of them will ever truly be free#such is the fate of a rat
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hiiiii :-)
#autoface#i live in this house dress it’s my favorite thing#please do not talk to me about my horrifying curtain set up behind me#the cats ripped the curtain bar out the wall. so we just. it’s just taped ok
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hm but what if sam was allergic to cats
#i've been thinking about baby sam#sneaking outta salieri's view to play with the stray cats behind the bar. even though they make him sneeze#r
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i'm developing an eye twitch a bit more and i might develop a murderous one
#vall txt#i either live long enough to beat someone over the head with a hammer#or die before i can be sent behind bars after beating someone over the head with a hammer#everyday my cats and my dog keep me in this world lmao
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Poison WIP !
#Poison#Final Fight#Street Fighter#Chun Li#prisoner#cat#Lynda#Miette#women behind bars#fighting#Phoenix Wright
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Last night I bought (horribly financial decision but it was fueled by alcohol and a healthy dose of nostalgia) $75 dollars worth of merch from my favorite local bar in my hometown cause it was the last time I will visit it before I move for graduate school. They did not have a great shirt selection as they had sold out of many things, but I now have two of their display shirts (one of which has pizza sauce stains that I didn't realize but I find funny now). However, the part that is so hard is that two of the three shirts I got were displays and have been near the kitchen for a while. They smell like the place so strongly and I don't want to wash that scent off of it. I want it to linger so I can smell it when I'm up in Chicago and desperately missing my friends and my favorite spot. I picked the shirts up and they just reek of the moments I've spent in that bar in the best way possible.
#not only did i get the display shirts but i also was let into the backroom where they had a disco ball shining#d played smells like teen spirit and party in the usa on a random guitar he found in the backroom#we also shared a joint behind the building and propped open the backdoor so we could get back in with a bleach bottle#core memories for sure#i also seen Terri!! the bar cat! he was wonderful as ever#it was a wonderful night and i sobbed the entire way home and up until i feel asleep
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I give unto thou The Cat
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I finally caught one of the livestreams last night (I'm in Canada so it's at like ass o'clock in the morning for me) and it made me so fuckin happy. Every time I catch clips of them on stage I'm reminded of just how much MCR means to me. I've carried them with me for over half of my life, their art has impacted me in ways I can't fully explain. I'm just so greatful to be here and to be alive to experience this alongside so many people who feel the same.
I just took my meds and also had coffee so It's Real Kvelling Hours™️ over here so ignore me if you find this sappy shit boring-
I used to get so embarrassed about saying shit like "This band saved my life" because I was scared of sounding cringey or obsessive, but they really did and I'm so fucking thankful. They helped me save myself, this community helped me save myself, and thanks to that I'm living a life I could have never imagined.
I remember being 12 years old, making my first emo little tumblr account and finding the MCR community. My friends and I making matching URLs and blog themes, sharing memes and making edits and just having so much fun. Throughout all the terrible, scary times I've been able to come back here and have a safe place to just engage in my special interest and find some peace. I might have grown apart from those friends, but this community has always felt like home to me so I don't exactly feel alone in it.
It's because of this community, as well as MCR's loud acceptance, support and welcoming of queer people that I've really learned how to be proud and unashamed of my queer identity. When I was in situations where I wasn't being accepted or treated fairly, it made that shit hurt far less knowing that there were so many good people out there like me, and that would support me. Now with all the scary shit going on in the world it's been really comforting to know that I still have this to turn to.
So basically thank you MCR for making art that's shaped me in ways I hold so close to my heart and will forever, Thank you MCR Community for existing alongside me and sharing this beautiful experience, we might not be perfect but I've felt safer here than I have any other fan space, and thank you Autism Brain for slapping me in the face repeatedly with this special interest for over a decade without a moment's rest you're the real MVP.
#lmao sorry for the ramble im just euphoric about being alive right now and after i caught the stream i was like#this is why#i really didnt intend to live this long but im extremely greatful that i did because after years and years of back to back trauma#and painful recovery#im finally living the best life i ever had#im about to go pick up my girlfriend who is the best partner ive ever had and also one of my best friends#yesterday i made a handful of new friends and connections at shul and ive found a wonderful jewish community in this city#ive made friends with someone who went through the same trauma as me at the hands of the same person and have found support and validation#as well as a really good friendship there#my friends are getting married and having kids and making beautiful art and sharing it with me#im making beautiful art and sharing it with my friends#ive also found a home in the local punk community and have been going to shows at sketchy little dive bars and basements and backyards#or just in parks downtown#im getting the surgeries i want for my transition and health and ive got a great medical team behind me and a new therapist and meds#that actually work for me#also my cat has just been such a clingy happy baby lately and is just the Sweetest little guy#life is good life is so fucking good and im so glad i decided to stay alive#if you needed a sign to stay alive this is it please#life can be so scary and awful and traumatic but there are beautiful things out there i promise#and sometimes they take a while and some effort to reach but its so fucking worth the wait and the work it takes to get here#community has played a huge part in that for me#humans can be really beautiful when they're loving and kind to others#anyway if you read all this congratulations we're best friends now thanks for watchinf me dissect my brain u can take some of it#and put it in a jar with some isopropyl alcohol :)
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Now that I've seen 5 episodes from Trigun Stampede (2023) and 4 episodes from Trigun (1998) I am 100% present sure Vash is Σαββατογεννημένος
That explains everything I've seen so far in the 90's anime
It's not very clear yet on the 2023 one but it's obvious on the original one
Vash The Stampede destroyed a city that, Vash the humanoid typhoon is here and Oh no
No- my boy is just a Σαββατογεννημένος and he's having a bad/good day
Actually- wait
There's a black cat in every episode and in the opening- WELL OF COURSE
The black cat brings the bad luck but Vash's energy cancels it out
That makes sense
#this is for a very specific audience#does any of my greek mutuals have seen Trigun?#well for the non greeks Σαββατογεννημένος literally means 'born on Saturday' but theres this whole thing behind it like the black cat that#the Saturday people have 'luck' now is it good? is it bad? who knows#i think usually they have good luck but they're also like 'hey watch out im savvatogennimenos imma curse you'#and then they make you lose at jumping rope#ive seem it happen at middle school guys istg- these Saturday ppl are dangerous- (j)#yeah well what im trying to say is that vash frikin walked in a bar while multiple people were shooting him without noticing it#cause he was listening to music on his headphones and he got in and out without a scratch so-#he has the power of the Saturday luck on his side. good and bad#and then i noticed the black cat and brought it into the convo#but yeah#Σαββατογεννημένος#vash stampede#trigun vash#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#trigun#sugarenia thoughts#sugarenia talks
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No fr bcuz it ruins my day once I step out of the patch of sun and realize it is only in the sunshine that I can know happiness.
a girl does start to feel optimistic in a patch of sun
#there has to be a diagnosis for this#there’s no way this isn’t a mental condition#it literally controls my life#like it’s -97°F outside but hey the sun is shining let’s go for a walk in a tshirt.#oh is that the sun? let’s go to 3 different universities for 47 different degrees and travel the world with my 87 cats and 4 goats#one day i'll get there#and then the sun will go behind a cloud and I will crumble like a nature valley granola bar
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Cats, for the almighty algorithm which rules us.
Please consider donating to my friend, who is raising 3 children under 5 in displaced within Gaza. His home in Rafah was destroyed and literally every donation helps to offset the high cost of an occupied ‘war’ front. Thank you my friends 🙏🏼
#cats#cats behind bars#painting#artist of tumblr#artist on tumblr#cats of tumblr#bonus: dog#free palestine#palestine#gaza#free gaza#current events#fundraiser#mutual aid#we help us#every bit counts
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Image description: A four page black and white comic of my tortoiseshell cat, Bunny, complaining that I won’t let her in from the screen porch.
Page 1
Panel 1: A small tortoiseshell cat sits on the other side of a glass door, looking up sadly, saying, “Mama! Mama, help! I’m in the screen porch!”
Panel 2: She scratches at the door. “Mama! Mama I’m trapped! I’m trapped in the screen porch! Mama!” she cries.
Panel 3: She looks through the glass with her sad, innocent expression. “I see you, Mama! Can’t you hear me? Why won’t you let me in? What have I done, Mama!”
Panel 4: The left corner is dominated by a close up of her face, as she reminisces about the cat tree in the screen porch. We see her perched on the very top, looking out over the backyard.
She says, “Was I not grateful enough, Mama? You gave me a throne, here in the screen porch! A place where I could look down upon the world as a god!”
Page 2
Panel 1: While she’s perched atop her cat tree, it begins to rain outside. Bunny looks askance at it from behind the screen.
“But I couldn’t touch it, Mama!” she narrates, now in boxes instead of word balloons, “I could see the rain lavish the earth, but never feel its cool caress!”
Panel 2: A paw rests on the screen. On the other side, two birds chirp, unbothered by the presence of Bunny.
“I could smell the blood of the song birds, but never taste its warmth! I lived as Tantalus in this screen porch, Mama!”
Panel 3: Sitting on a cushioned chair, bunny looks out over the yard, barred from her by the porch screen.
“Tormented by what I could never reach!”
Page 3
Panel 1 : Another reminiscence, this time of Bunny running through the open door to the screen porch earlier that day while I was taking out the garbage.
“And yet I returned, again and again and again! Was that my sin, Mama? Is this my punishment? To be condemned forever to a hell of my own choosing?”
Panel 2: Returning to the present, Bunny looks up from the otherside of the door, her eyes wide.
“Is this what you call justice, Mama?” She says. “Is this what you call love?”
Panel 3: From Bunny’s perspective we see me; I am ignoring her, going about my business. She calls out to me, “Answer me, Mama! Mama!”
Panel 4:I glance back at her, unmoved by her cries. “Mama!” she yells.
Page 4
Panel 1: Pulling out we finally see more of the wall which has the door to the screen porch. Directly beside it is a cat door that goes through the wall, out into the screen porch. Another cat, Bunny’s sister Maggie, is coming through the cat flap with no issue.
I say, “ Bunny, I know you know how to use the cat door.”
Clawing at the window, tears in her eyes, Bunny screams “MAMA!!”
End ID.
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