#carmilla is where it's at guys holy shit

[gh-0-stcup]

We as a culture were robbed when Dracula caught on over Carmilla.

[ronancexists]

Hi everyone. I haven't been able to stop thinking about Hazbin Hotel since it came out. I just wanted to get this thought out there and share it with people to see if anyone else has been thinking about it or if it's just me.

So, we all know that Alastor has made a deal of his own, but we don't know with who. I know a lot of people theorize that it's Lilith, and I did too until I watched season 1 again, specifically episodes 7 & 8.

In episode 7, Alastor and Charlie finally make a deal. Alastor told Charlie that the exorcists can be killed, and return, she's going to owe him favors of his choosing in which she doesn't have to harm anybody. I was surprised he didn't want Charlie's soul, but considering she is the daughter of Lilith and Lucifer, Alastor probably didn't want to take the chance of incurring Lucifer's wrath in that way instead of the petty way he did in episode 5.

At first, I was thinking maybe he didn't want it because of a deal he made with Lilith where he couldn't harm Charlie and that's why he's invested in the hotel and in helping her, but then the lyric where he says "she's filled with potential that I could guide" suggests maybe he didn't want Charlie's soul because owning her soul wouldn't be helpful to him in accomplishing whatever he's plotting. Maybe he just really needs her and her power, and by owning her soul, he'd diminish her power. Kind of like with Husk.

Then, in episode 8, the finale song, Alastor has a line that goes "The constraints of my deal surely have a back door." That line in particular is what got me into analyzing Alastor and everything he's done so far. Him saying, or I guess singing, that could possibly mean he didn't make a deal with Charlie to hold it over Lilith. It means he still hasn't figured out a loophole to the deal he made, and I know a lot of people who are on board with the whole "Alastor and Lilith made a deal" theory think the reason he wanted to make a deal with Charlie was to use it to get off of Lilith's leash. But that line he sings could mean that he wanted Charlie to make a deal with him for another reason and that he still has a lot of work to do in discovering a way he could get out of his own.

After all, we are all well aware of the fact that all the songs serve a purpose in moving the story along. Not to mention that they're all freaking bangers. Which is why that lyric has started this whole "What if..." thing with Alastor and the leash Husk revealed he's on.

That being said, it's definitely not a coincidence that he and Lilith were both missing for 7 years, and the fact that Zestial said in episode 4 that there are rumors Alastor "fell into holy arms" suggests that Alastor might have indeed figured out a way to get to Heaven, and perhaps he did meet Lilith while he was there and struck a deal with her.

I'm open to either one of these theories, but I do think it would be kind of neat if I was right and that it turned out Alastor didn't make a deal with Lilith at all, instead it was with somebody else. Maybe someone we've already met, or maybe somebody we haven't.

But regardless of what happens, I love this show and I can't wait for season 2!

Please let me know what you guys think. This thought has been niggling my brain for a while and I just needed to get it out somewhere.

P.S.- A list of things I want to see in season 2 and beyond:

- CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE

- As in kisses, cuddles, adorableness, (maybe even a sex scene considering they did an entire episode with Angel & his pornos), Vaggie carrying Charlie as they fly around Hell

- Not to mention an ENTIRE SONG sung by the two of them. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely ADORE THE SHIT out of the reprise of ''More Than Anything," but these two need a FULL fucking song together

- More of Carmilla and Vaggie bonding and being badasses together

- Angel and Husk becoming a thing

- Learn more about what Lilith and Alastor have been up to while they've both been gone for 7 years

- What Heaven is going to do now that Adam is dead and the Extermination failed

- Also is Heaven or Emily or Sera or ANYONE even gonna ADDRESS the fact that Vaggie was revealed to be a fallen exterminator angel in episode 6?!?! Like I'm sorry but Adam dropped that fucking bomb and the only reaction they showed was Charlie's and nobody even like asked what had happened or why Vaggie was cast out?!?! I'd really like to see something, ANYTHING, that acknowledges this very big reveal to Heaven actually fucking happened lmao.

- Lilith's reunion & explanation to Charlie and Lucifer

- More of our Short King being his nerdy, powerful self

- Lute & Vaggie being toxic exes and/or getting a duet together (a girl can dream lmaoooo)

- Sir Pentious and his adventures in Heaven

- Emily and what she comes up with to help Charlie because she is the true Angel up in Heaven

- Sera getting a fucking kick to the face (or multiple) for letting the Exterminations happen and for all the other hypocritical shit that's been going on

- Everyone's reactions when they find out Sir Pentious has been redeemed

- Niffty being Niffty

- Alastor's plans and what he wants Charlie to do for him because of the deal they made

- Angel & Husk getting out of their respective deals with Valentino and Alastor

- Valentino dying a slow, agonizing, shitty death for what he's done to Angel

- What Keekee being the key to the hotel really means

- More fucking bangers to add to my playlist :)

That's all I can think of for now. If I think of anything else I'll add it on :)

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAZBIN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD IM GOING INSANE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKENFKCMKWJRKFNSMSMDMSMDN-

Okay. Okay deep breaths. Time for some cool and collected comentary. Okay.

Putting it under the cut so ppl can avoid spoilers :)

HUSK USED TO BE AN OVERLORD!?!?!?!?!? HELLO!?!?!?!?!? FUCKIN PLOTTWIST OF THE CENTURY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?

Huskerdust my beloved

SIR PENTIOUS MY BELOVED

Vox was great. I love him he's so fucking cool-

If Vox wasn't already a Tumblr sexyman he's definitely gonna be one now. He's so fucking Onceler coded it's insane.

Velvette was amazing too. It's so funny that she's British lmao I was not expecting that

Velvette is also very Anne Boelyne(like from SIX not from Real Life) coded it's wild. Her part in that song with Carmila was giving so much Don't Lose Your Head

I swear I'll stop comparing them to other characters I SWEAR

Okay but me and my brother are working on a Hazbin Hotel swap AU where we swap the main cast with the overlords and in that AU we swapped Husk and Vox. The Husk used to be an overlord reveal is gonna make that AU soooooo much easier lmao

ADAM IS REALLY GOOD I promised I would stop comparing to other characters but he was giving SO MUCH Hades from Disney's Hercules like its insane

I think we should let Alex Brightman sing rocj and roll more often that song was such a fucking BANGER

SPEAKING OF THE SONGS- oh my god I love the soundtrack so fucking much-

Stayed Gone was a lil less hype then I was expecting but thats okay cuz it was still a banger and I loved the visuals

That song battle between Carmilla and Velvette????? Oh my god??????

Carmilla and Vaggie's song was also amazing but I think I know why they didn't have Stephanie Beatriz sing her own song in Elena of Avalor y'know, girl cannot hold a character voice while singing

LOSER WAS SO FUCKING GOOD- I love Huskerdust so much. I love Keith David so much. Blake Roman is such a phenomenal Angel Dust.

SPEAKING OF all the voice actors are amazing. Blake Roman, Brightman as Pentious and Joel Perez were the ones I was the most worried abt but I loved all their preformances so much it was fucking fantastic

Valentino can go die in a fucking hole <3

The other Vees are cool and fun to watch but I hope Valentino fucking dies

Okay to be fair he's also fun to watch when he's not in the same room as Angel Dust but tHAT DOESNT SUPERSEID MY HATRED FUCK 👏 THAT 👏 GUY 👏👏👏👏

Speaking of the Vees tho I do love their dynamic

My favorite episode was probably Radio Killed the Video Star bcuz of mY BOYS PENTIOUS AND VOX!!!!!!!!

And the most painful episode to watch was- no surprise- Masquerade

That episode was a fucking rollercoaster Jesus fucking Christ...

Those scenes with Angel and Valentino where so fucking visceral... like. Who the fuck wrote that. Who are you. Are you okay. Do you need help-

Tho I'm not sure abt how they're handling the ah- more serious bits of Angel's character. It is WAYYYYYY to early to tell and I think Loser wasn't like. Trying to downplay the situation. But the writers better have been careful moving foreward bcuz I can def see a world where Angel's arc goes very wrong very fast-

Also while we're criticizing: wasn't a fan of the pacing. Especially in episode two. Like I can look past it, but the way they breeze past some plot points kinda bugged me

Otherwise it was sooooooo fucking good man oh my god

THE HUMOR WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN PPL MAKE IT OUT TO BEEEEEE PPL NEED TO STOP SHITTING ON THE COMEDY IN THESE SHOWS MAN-

The gag where Niffty just fucking stopped thinking every time the camera turned on was so fucking good

Niffty in general was really fuckin funny

Alastor was a lot less prominent of a character then I thought he would be but tbh I think that's for the best. He's like Discord from My Little Pony, fun in small doses but if you don't set perameters for how often he appears and when he's willing to help it kinda breaks the show

Chaggie is adorable and I love them <3

I think this show does a really good job balancing the focus on the whole cast! These first 4 episodes seem to be pretty Charlie, Angel and kind of Vaggie heavy but everybody still gets their fair share of attention!

THE ANIMATIOJ OH MY GOD- IT WAS FUCKING PHENOMENAL IM LOSING MY M I N D

Im going feral IM GOING FERAL THIS EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS AKFNVKKENFEKFNDN

I love comedy. I love musicals. I love drama. I love silly characters. I LOVE ANIMATION!!!!!!!

It's like the South Park movie but longer and better animated and IVE BEEN WAITING FOUR FUCKING YEARS-

Just. So excited overall. Can't wait to see where it goes. May make more posts abt my thoughts in tbe future.

[lordzukosnosehair]

THE GOOBER HIMSELF

FUN FACT

I am extremely proud of this dude, according to my IBIS Paint timestamp this guy is my longest taking goober with twenty and a half hours

Holy shit

I combined my favorite aspects from over 10 years of fits, tweaked some stuff, etc etc

I also had a hard time with the card in his belt cause in the photo shoot where he HAS the card it’s the seven of diamonds, but in Who Killed Dr. Carmilla? he’s the red joker, but I’ve also seen people refer to him as the jack of hearts or ace of hearts

I ended up going with ace of hearts cause I liked that one the best, but if anyone can explain the symbolism of the different cards to me that would be super duper cool (besides Jack/ace of hearts I get that one)

Anyways, SUPER proud of it<333

[beevean]

It's really annoying when discourse blows up, and it's about something you agree it's stupid, but the people involved are even dumber than the discourse itself

The other day a tweet exploded, and it was someone praising the scene in NFCV S4 when Trevor explained that crosses make all vampires freak out regardless of their faith because geometrical shapes "confuse the shit out of their brains". Tons of people have reunited to complain about how idiotic this scene is, which of course attracted defensors too. No one is right :')

"muh religion, muh wokeness, the games were always pro-christianity" no, no, shut up, this is not Netflix being woke, this is Ellis being an edgy atheist at most. Christianity won't collapse because of one small badly written scene. The games treat the Church (which is different from the religion) in a more neutral way, and even then it's mostly about the aesthetic. The Church has taken Sypha in in the same way they have forbidden Leon from pursuing Sara because he had to fight the Crusades. It's complicated, and I like that it's not black and white, but it's outside of this discussion. And you know what, "Dracula's Curse opens up with Trevor praying in front of a cross" is a shallow argument, because by S4 it's clear that the show couldn't give a single shit about the games.

"well maybe Trevor was wrong! Even vampires themselves don't know what kills them" oh yes sure let's make Trevor even less important than he already is! His role in the gang is pretty much being the loremaster, because dude was trained to be a vampire hunter and if there's anyone who should know how vampire weaknesses work, it's him!

Also this usually comes in junction with praising the scene in S2 where Carmilla and Godbrand argue on whether running water kills vampires. As much of a waste of time that scene is, because the pacing of this show sucks ass, at least there is a small payoff! When Carmilla decides it's time to take the castle, she chooses to sanctify the river to make sure to kill the guards - maybe running water doesn't hurt vampires, but holy water surely does.

Which. It's another unfathomably stupid scene, because there is no fucking way the reanimated corpse of a bishop controlled by a guy who used to serve a genocidial monster and who is now aiding another monster who plans to enslave humanity would receive God's approval. But there you go! Holy water is a thing in this setting! And it was established, way back in S1, that it's due to God aiding the goodhearted! Because Trevor asks a good priest to sanctify water to fight monsters! There is also that whole scene of Blue Fangs getting in the Bishop's face and teling him "God exists and you make Him puke", unless now that scene isn't valid because a demon says it.

Trevor uses a consecrated whip! He used holy water! He recommended salt against night creatures! It's common knowledge that sun burns vampires! But crosses is where he pulls out a scientific explanation to answer the question "what about non-Christian vampires"? Fucking Nocturne had a better answer for it, when the non-Christian Annette used Vaublanc's faith to trap him in a cage of crosses! Nocturne!

And if it was meant to be wrong, or just funny... why even bother? That scene then doesn't add anything to the worldbuilding and plot. I don't care about muh realism when the pacing is already out of wack.

(others have also pointed out that if that were true, Alucard should freak out everytime he swings his own sword lol. So it really is completely wrong and a waste of the VA's voice)

"wah wah it doesn't ruin the games it ain't that deep" you know what? true. This is a very small exchange that really didn't deserve the attention it got (I personally got much angrier at the blessing zombie lol). It only got attention because dudebro grifters latched onto it for their agenda that muh wokeness is destroying society - and I know it's them because look hard enough in their responses, and you'll see the usual complaints about Isaac being black.

The show is always criticized for stupid shit like muh religion and muh swearing and "they ignored Grant, literally unwatchable" (all my respect to Grant, but look at me and tell me you want him to become a caricature of himself like Trevor), which aids its fans in thinking all the people who hate the show are nitpicky and whiny at best and bigots at worst. No one ever points out the much more serious issues like sloppy worldbuilding, idiot plots, character favoritism, cynical edginess bordering on meanspiritedness, classism and xenophobia, rape apologism, etc.

I guess genuine discussion wouldn't trend on Twitter :\

[carmillatism]

you’ve already sort of shown the relationship brian has with religion, but i’m curious about your take on how he felt about galahad considering the whole “preacher” vibe. if we’re moving forwards with the complicated (and negative) relationship he has with religion then how does that translate to how he interacted with galahad? or was is more of a “large passing of time” thing so it wasnt as impactful?

sorry just have DBB thoughts again,,,

oh!!! i love that question a lot! thank u for asking. i was actually just thinking about this, what with my backstory fic about brian. i have many thoughts on this, so i'll set some of my basic thoughts up first and then answer the question once the context is set!

i think hnoc happens by the time carmilla is airlocked (after that second-ish but canon big one where who killed dr. carmilla comes from (i say second cause of a line jonny says in the homesick live, but that's not important here)) and tim, raph, and marius have joined. not entirely sure if this is after or before dr. carmilla comes back (what with her showing up in dr. pilchard with all nine of them), but i lean towards after (which i think this would be after she's kicked out again).

i say all this to explain the fact that i think brian has done a shit ton of healing from when he first joined, so he's definitely a lot better with not judging himself, healing from religious trauma, and working on being more assertive.

i also believe that brian doesn't actually have prophetic powers, at least not to the extent that characters like to bring up. i think he just has good pattern recognition and predicts things well (this leads into ideas of how people will blow up (lie about) people's fame in history and present time as a way of meeting their own ends. basically, i think brian has no part in these rumors, and people just spread it cause he can never escape the false accusations (i autism-code him no matter what apparently /lh)).

this all to say that brian probably found fort galfridian interesting and went down to check it out (it kind of reminded him of the settlement he stayed on in his backstory. his feelings are complicated about it). he goes down there, kind of chilling in the chaos, and then he comes across galahad and i think his first reaction when he sees galahad is "holy shit holy fuck holy-" and he just kind of spirals. cause yeah, he's doing better, but he also does remind him of one of his worst moments, so he may lose it a bit.

this could have maybe led to him being hung in the first place? he could have tried to question galahad's teachings because he worried galahad was using and lying to fort galfridian's people like the priest once did. this obviously causes unrest due to people liking galahad and not the outsider, so he's hung (this is just speculation i've sort of come up with on the spot!). when brian doesn't die from the hanging and continues to not die, the people are like "what the fuck". brian's pissed, and when he's pissed he says some ominous shit (but there is a place deep within him that does want to help the people), so they think he's a prophet and hang him by his ankle.

brian, who's like "well, this is interesting" sticks around cause it's wild, he's invested, and the mechs are a million light years away. he still doesn't trust galahad, however, galahad starts to talk with him, really about anything, a lot cause he finds brian interesting and because he feels bad for trying to kill this guy who was actually a prophet (probably thinks he's sent from god).

as he talks to brian, brian starts to have a change in judgment. he doesn't trust him all that much still, but he begins to realize that he didn't lead with an open mind and that maybe it would be okay to hear him out. he sees that galahad cares deeply about what he does and fully believes what he says to be true. brian is still weary on religion (especially organized ones) as a whole, but he does start to believe that what galahad is doing is better than he first thought. he finds company in galahad and other townspeople and really starts to care about them (and he's had a fucking headache for like a century now. wonderful).

and then the events of the album start to happen. when you're a hanged man in the center of town (idk if that's canon but it is now /lh), you hear a lot of shit: gossip, folklore, daily occurences. brian starts to catalog and connect this info he gathers (he's bored and a scientist; what more could he want?). a bigger picture starts to dawn on him, so he shares the info with the people who come to him (and who he seeks out). he wants to help galahad and tells him about the grail. he hopes that galahad will take the news well, but his reaction worries him, and he begins to regret what he said.

he hears later on about what galahad is doing and what he's saying, and he grows even more worried, seeing parallels between his past and the beliefs galahad begins to hold. brian thinks he's in too deep and tries to stop him, but that doesn't work out. he feels extremely guilty when he hears about galahad's death, and spirals a bit into blaming himself and having thoughts about his past that aren't the best. then he's in a sun for a century, and a good amount of his healing goes out the window. (but at least those lines of healing are still carved into his mind so it will be easier to find those routes and get himself back to healthy a lot faster than it did before (using a metaphor here that i heard and like with how it can be easier to heal once more if those paths of healing are there, fresh, and easy to reach. i was actually told about the opposite, which is why it's so easy to fall back into anxiety or other cycles of negative thinking)).

anyway... i am not one for brevity, apparently (no one is surprised). haven't thought this much about any of the albums before lmao (i usually focus on the mechs themselves abdknkd). but this is quite a fun concept to think about. i also like the idea that galahad is absolutely smitten with brian. it's just really fucking funny to me lmao. i also like to think that brian is just along for the ride whenever it comes ot galahad like, okay, you go you crazy guy.

also, sorry for any discrepancies between this and hnoc canon, i have not faithfully inscribed the entire album and it's info into my mind with long-lasting ink /lh.

thank you for the question, and don't worry! i love your questions and adore that you find my thoughts and writing so interesting and cool! it means the world to me. anyway, thank you again!

[yallemagne]

#never played the games #but I tried the show #got to the second or third episode #but the blatant anti-church attitude was overwhelming #like i think on the second episode #the MC comes across two priests dragging a guy into an alley to kill him #like... what #and then they invented a new fictional organization to be the good guys in the apocalypse #THE CHURCH WOULD STEP UP TO THAT ROLE #thats when i stopped watching (elgringo300)

I hope you'll forgive me copy-pasting your tags.

YEAH. Listen, any vampire media that tries to go grimdark is the most baby shit. It's stupid. Any vampire media that utters the sentence "your god can't help you now"??? Go sit in the corner with that shit. It's like a kid on the playground playing rock paper scissors and they pick rock and someone else picks paper and they throw a fit and say "NUH UH! I use rock and sticks to start a fire and set paper on fire!!". If you are making something that involves vampires, you simply are not allowed to take yourself that seriously because you'll sound like a twelve-year-old that just found out about atheism. I should know, I was one once.

Besides that rule I have for enjoyable media, yeah. The anti-church messaging is incredibly wretched. All the church politics and the excommunication of the Belmonts was a load of horse crap.

The Belmonts (in game lore) were feared and somewhat reviled in Transylvania, they were like the Addams Family of the time, but the Church had those motherfuckers on speed dial because they knew those fuckers were the only ones who could take on Dracula (save for a few exceptions).

And Sypha was literally raised by the Church because Carmilla had her family put on trial for being witches (hint: every time someone is killed for being a witch in Castlevania? It's because of vampires). Then she was conscripted by the Church to aid Trevor Belmont in defeating Dracula. YEP, the Church canonically granted sanctuary to and then hired a WITCH. Because they were shady in the way that like, they hired people who were rejected by the community and took credit once the battle was won. Not so shady they murder every person who could kill vampires.

Like, if Netflix wanted to do something interesting with the Church, Dracula in the show IS The Impaler. He just IS Vlad Dracula Tepeş. He has bodies impaled on his front lawn. And the real man's war crimes were like... church-sanctioned. Delve into that? How does the Church and everyone else feel about that whoopsie?

Anyhow this show was fucking dumb. The only valid part was when they had Isaac exploring his Muslim faith. That plotline felt like it was written by someone over the age of nine. Because that's a thing!! Other faiths!! Those exist wow woohoo. An adult take on religion in an adult show about vampires is exploring how different faiths coexist and the meaning they have to their people in a world where demons run amok. Instead, they just go "God is dead" or whatever and focus too heavily on debunking Catholicism. I'm an atheist and I find it insulting to my intelligence. If a show cannot make vampires scary without debuffing literal god, that displays a lack of creativity.

I get into spoilers because holy shit I hate this wannabe Game of Thrones grimdark fantasy nonsense so much in hindsight.

Again I have to rant about the bullshit that is them trying to downplay the divine in a show about vampires. They try to make it out to be that only hell and demons exist, like there is no real divinity. Meanwhile, Trevor has some RANDOM PRIEST make holy water and IT WORKS. You cannot write a show where God isn't real or God is real but the Church has completely lost favour AND THEN HAVE A PRIEST MAKE HOLY WATER. And they did it twice!! A ZOMBIE PRIEST MADE A SEA OF HOLY WATER.

Also, they downgrade Death from being GOD OF DEATH to being some?? spirit that feeds on death?? their explanation was dumb and rushed.

And they try to explain away the reason why crosses work against vampires in a scene where they're like "here is this cross-shaped boomerang (a projectile from the games) from India" and Sypha is like "durr but Christianity doesn't exist there, holy symbols wouldn't work on Indian vampires" MA'AM YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF ST. THOMAS?????? Also just ignoring the existence of other religions.

May I ask your thoughts on Lords of Shadow Dracula?

Oh, I love him.

joipegr For as much shit as I give any sympathetic take on Dracula, this was one that I could stand. Mostly because of the circumstances. At least the creators divorced him so much from the original Castlevania Dracula that it feels earned. And, obviously, he's so far removed from Book Dracula that it's redundant to even point it out. They don't even call him Dracula, they call him Dracul.

So, Gabriel Belmont, right? He's in this thing called the Brotherhood of Light-- they're kind of morally grey despite the name. He's trying to defeat the Lords of Shadow so he'll be able to resurrect his dead wife who is stuck in limbo. Totally fair. See, some fantasy men lose their wives and they know how to be pragmatic about it. But it turns out that he actually can't resurrect his wife, whoops. So he takes up the name Dracul and ends up becoming the Prince of Darkness. The vibe is sort of that, no matter what, there need to be dark forces in the world they're living in, and Gabriel is the man for the job because he can keep the rest of them in check.

I think Protagonist Dracula works in Lords of Shadow because he's a Belmont in both name and function. We're rooting for him because he's gonna kill Satan, not God. In fact, he's God's silly little guy, God loves him and that's why prayer and stuff don't harm him.

It's similar, but of course not perfectly so, to Soma Cruz- the final reincarnation of Dracula in the original Castlevania timeline. In Aria and Dawn of Sorrow, he fights through an evil castle just like the Belmonts do all with the goal of preventing some cultists from turning him or some other dude into Dracula.

Compare all this to Netflixvania Dracula, who is played in too sympathetic of a light for any of his actions to feel in character. He's not evil enough, he's just a sad little man who wants to take the entire world out with him, and that's just pathetic. You watch him and his sulking and think "babe, if you want to die that bad, just do it". And then he does. He forces his son to kill him in the least climactic death ever. Boring. Why couldn't you have just died earlier, old man?

[tumb1rprincess]

Just binged watched the last season of Castlevania.

I admit, the first few episodes were a bit slow, but holy Hell, did it pick up after that.  There was so much fighting in the last half, I was on the edge of my seat most of the time.

Honestly, I do think my favorite fight had to be Isaac storming Carmilla’s castle, killing all her cronies, then killing her.  Carmilla finally got what she fucking deserved.  

I’m glad to see Hector learned how to play the game and didn’t get the shit kicked out of him again.  Him cutting his finger off totally caught me off guard though, I had to pause the episode and walk away for a second before coming back.

When I realized what Saint Germain was doing, I was like “No, Saint Germain, you were a cool guy!”  At least in the end he regretted what he’d done and tried to fix it.  I guess him doing anything and everything to bring his love back was supposed to be like how Dracula was willing to destroy the entire world for the woman he loved.

I love how Striga and Morana saw that Carmilla died, figured Lenore died too, and were like “Fuck this shit, we’re out, we’re going to just go off and be lesbians somewhere.”  XD  I’m glad they didn’t die though.

Lenore committing suicide was not something I expected.  And I wasn’t expecting Hector to like her after all the shit she pulled.  I guess his feelings for her were complicated.

I am so, so happy that so many characters got a happy ending.  Alucard is finally bonding with people again after losing his family and getting stabbed in the back.  Trevor’s okay and he and Sypha are going to have a baby together and start a family.  Ugh, that whole ending scene where Trevor came back had me grinning.

I was also not expecting Dracula and Lisa there at the end.  I get their decision to not see Alucard for a while and travel for a bit, but I’m also like “Go see your baby boy!”  Somebody needs to write a fanfic of that.

Overall, I felt like this was a really solid ending.  Everything was tied up nicely, there were no last minute deaths used for shock value, and it all ended on a happy note.  Definitely one of my favorite endings for a show. 

[fostersffff]

Finished Season 4 of Castlevania: the Netflix, and thus the whole series! And I’ve got a lot to say!

Here’s the biggest observation for this season: I get the impression that they didn’t originally plan for this to be the final season. It feels like, at the start of Season 3 they believed they were going to have two more seasons, and then maybe by the time they started wrapping that up they were told they’ve been cut down to just one more, so they had to speed of the pace of Season 4 dramatically to make sure they could still hit the ending. I have no actual evidence to support this- I haven’t read any interviews or official comments to that effect- just a gut feeling based on aspects of the plot:

Biggest support of this is how quickly Saint Germaine is just like “ok I’m evil now”. He immediately submits to the random woman who tells him he’s gotta be evil to find his lady love, there’s one scene of him murdering a guy, and then he’s all-in on being a villain, complete with “I AM A GOD WHO FUCKS” monologuing.

In addition to Saint Germaine’s heel turn feeling half-baked, the Dracula’s resurrection plot in general really doesn’t feel all that important until the finale. Varney is a comic relief character, which in hindsight was completely intentional, but Ratko and Draken are just huge fighter dudes who weren’t involved with Dracula’s court during Season 2, but are very into bringing him back for reasons that are never clearly explained besides the assumed “it’s Dracula so we gotta”. Additionally, the way major characters like Hector and especially Isaac treat the resurrection plot don’t help, although it makes perfect sense that they both do what they do.

The things that happen in Targoviste, and the way they happen, also contribute, especially because there’s no satisfactory resolution to it. Trevor and Sypha start to help the people organize and rebuild, and then get whisked away to the Underground Court. They barely have time to react to the fucked up shit going on down there before they teleport to the castle to kick off the finale. More time to let hostilities between them and Zamfir bubble up before the reveal of the Underground Court, along with a more satisfying build-up to Trevor collecting the components of the Super Holy Dagger would have been good.

Season 3 ends with Alucard in Hector in very bad places: Alucard has just been betrayed by the twins vampire hunters, which has brought out a misanthropic streak, including him leaving them on pikes, and Hector has once again been duped into an even deeper submission than he was in as Carmilla’s prisoner at the end of Season 2. Trevor and Sypha’s vignettes establish that roughly a month and a half have passed, which was apparently enough time for Alucard to basically get over his trust issues, enough to help the villagers, and Hector to not only cope with the reality of his situation but also finally develop into a character on par with every other major character in terms of competence.

Carmilla and Isaac’s stories didn’t feel rushed like everything else I’ve mentioned, but following the train of thought that there was originally going to be more episodes, both of them could’ve stood to have more time and events to get to their final forms.

So, Death: I don’t know how I feel about Death as portrayed in this series. On the one hand, this interpretation technically not being Dracula’s right hand as he is in the games, and instead being an independent actor that stands to benefit from Dracula’s rampage and thus serves the same capacity as a right hand, is incredible. On the other, the fact that Death’s true personality is actually just Varney fucking blows. The design for Death is also not my favorite, because it reminds me just a bit too much of Castlevania Judgment, but Malcolm McDowell being the voice actor is really cool. In conclusion, Death is a land of contrasts.

On that note, “no it’s not Death Death, it’s an entity that calls itself Death that feeds on death and is an elemental spirit- or force of nature in other words- but is distinctly different from the personification of the concept of-” just fucking say “yeah for all intents and purposes it’s the Grim Reaper”. Coming up with a semantics explanation for why vampires get fucked up by crosses to explain the cross subweapon is fun, don’t undercut your final antagonist by trying to rationalize it into something less fantastical.

I already said that I liked the motivation behind Death, but also the execution of “I’m going to bring back Dracula wrong on purpose” and the way he accomplishes that is the best it’s ever been.

I thought Varney hopping over the stream of holy water was a fun cap on the argument about whether or not vampires can cross over running water from Season 2, but was in fact clever foreshadowing, since Death isn’t a vampire. Good stuff!

I think it’s just because I’ve been focusing a lot on animation quality over the last few months, but I noticed they started using 3D models a lot more this season. I imagine it was a matter of practicality considering that there are more action setpieces in this season than the other three combined. I think this is ultimately a good thing, because they do a very good job of masking the fact that they’re using 3D most of the time because it still looks very good, unlike some of Netflix’s other 3D action projects, and if it makes life easier for the animators without sacrificing quality then that’s a win for everyone.

Didn’t think much of it at first, but I’ve really come to appreciate the term “night creatures” as a catch-all for monsters in this series. It’s generic enough to encompass everything regardless of design difference, but more unique than just ‘monsters’ or ‘demons’.

I had heard someone make a joke about a character wearing Artorias Dark Souls’s armor for a scene because fuck you, but holy shit, Striga really does just wear Artorias Dark Souls’s armor for a scene because fuck you.

When Saint Germaine first shows up, his lines sound really low quality compared to Alucard and Greta, and then that issue goes away after that episode. I imagine that it was pandemic related, but clearly Bill Nighy was either able to get into a studio or eventually got a better home setup- couldn’t you just have him re-record those lines?

I’ve talked so much about how Carmilla’s design in this series is The Best™ because they masterfully adapted a single sprite with no animation from a 1987 video game into a fully realized design, and this frame in particular struck me as perfect. This is the best this character has ever looked and likely will ever look.

I love how optimistic and positive the tone of everyone’s ending is. Ranging from the unexpectedly beautiful and uplifting resolution to Isaac’s story, to the foundation of a town that fundamentally accomplishes what Lisa hoped for at the very beginning of the series, it’s all nice way to go out. Even Lenore choosing to commit suicide, while not necessarily optimistic or positive, is at least on her own terms.

Dracula and Lisa also having a happy ending is nice. It doesn’t really make any sense, and it makes me wonder what Richter’s call to action is going to be in the next series, but I think they were right to have the series end with the same two characters it opened with.

AYY SOMEONE THREW A WINE GLASS!!!

Unfortunately, I’d say Season 4 is the weakest of the series, but they did everything they could to make sure they provided an explosive finale and a solid ending. This was a damn good show and without a doubt the best thing to be associated with Castlevania in over a decade. Not that it had much competition there, but still!

As a final note on the nature of Castlevania as an adaptation: I can certainly understand why certain people don’t like this series. If you’re looking for Castlevania: The Video Game: The Animated Series, you’d walk away disappointed because of how many things were changed in adaptation, how much they were changed, and that so much is just made up from whole cloth. But an animated series isn’t a video game, and while an eight episode series where each episode is a different stage of non-stop fight scenes, complete with a big boss fight at the end sounds like it could be cool, if that’s what I really want I’d probably be better served just playing a game.

[jasontodding]

castlevania episode 10 spoilers with little to no context, especially this time becuase i’m losing my goddamn mind:

well here we are folks, ready to wrap up another season and wait another year for the next instalment because there’s no way there’s not gonna be a season 4 after this

isaac in the old man’s castle: LET ME INNNNN

we thought hector was getting some sort of freedom arc this season? WELL WE WERE WRONG. so very wrong. out of the frying pan and into the fire.

isaac is on some next level awareness shit

“very probably actually hell”

monster got SWOLE

dramatic organ music? time to get spooky folks

“sypha, do you gave my back?” “always” i love these two with my whole heart

this is one of THE best fight scenes castlevania has ever done, periodt

the animation of trevor’s face when he fights? top tier

i think this might be a musical score from the games? it sounds familiar

TREVOR BELMONT CRACKING JOKES WHILE THE DOOR TO HELL IS OPEN BEHIND HIM

all the bleeding’s internal that where it’s supposed to be!!

this fucking apple tree

what is HAPPENING

this is totally a video game score, and i fucking love it

IT’S A VIDEO GAME SCORE I’M CRYING

WHIP IT REAL GOOD

saint germain went off oh my god

this is amazing

WHIP POWER UP !!

“i’ll see you again” bitch you better these two have almost no friends, mostly because they destroy every town they go into

i hope the castle becomes sentient and kicks ur asses

“i tried to be”

ALUCARD DESERVED A BETTER SEASON 3 2K20

once again, the damn apple tree

WHAT IS THIS ALL LEADING TO

i feel like i know but i also don’t at the same time, i just know it’s gonna be epic

it’s... a pit??

alucard.. in the floor of his room... crying and bleeding

“this thing’s been used a lot” what the flying fuck my dudes

trevor being all, “fuck it, let’s go in” THIS IS WHY WE LOVE THE BELMONT/BELNADES DETECTIVE AGENCY

let’s burn this shit down!!! hell yeah!!

ohhhh hector

slave rings? *takes a deep breath and puts head in hands*

“the real people are talking” when i say i’m pissed-

is hector gonna jump out the window? burn his hand off?

the other vampire sisters @ lenore: “please take ur straightness and leave”

another town bites the dust

two bro’s sitting in a cart with no space between them because they’re deeply in love

alucard channeling the tepes genes

PH H GOD

HOLY FUCK GUYS

i am READY for season 4. i want more belmont history, more video game lore mentioned. i want hector having an arc about regaining his agency, i want julia laforeze, i want both hector and alucard working through their trauma, i want the OT3 reunited, and i want carmilla to be taken tf down.

i think there are gonna be a TON of opinions about this season; personally i liked it more overall than s2, though i think season 2 has far more memorable/iconic/epic scenes, but the 10 episode arc was great for pacing and plot. a lot of the new characters fans were excited about turned out to be largely disposable, which i didn’t see coming, but also possibly makes room for more canon characters in the next season. even though i’d love to see more belmonts, i’m not gonna lie, trevor and sypha’s story does not feel over yet (ESPECIALLY after that finale), and i’ll be losing my mind over here until they announce season 4 and reunite the disaster squad/monster hunting trio.

[gingersnapwolves]

Kouri watches Castlevania season 2 (part 2)

“You're very good with books” A+ flirting there Alucard

yeah, Sypha's right, the fact that Alucard aged very fast DOES explain a lot about him lol

Isaac's little speech about how cold is better than heat because when you're cold you can just put layers on proves that he continues to be the most relatable character, which is concerning considering how bent on genocide he is

ugh everything Carmila does has creepy bad-touch vibes

sure am glad we're taking this sidebar into that time Dracula killed a bunch of people, just in case his quest to destroy all of humanity didn't convince us he's the bad guy

"See? God hates me!" lmao Sypha pls

you're.... you're just dropping the castle in the middle of a city? subtle

aw, it's sweet of them to take their zombie bishop out for a walk

okay, wait. I have to object. The zombie bishop is blessing the river? Turning into holy water? It is established canon that he's not holy. His church was invaded by demons. He shouldn't have even been able to do this before he got turned into a zombie, as if that wouldn't invalidate his bishopness anyway and I'm pretty sure that being motherfucking undead is a disqualifier!

sorry not sorry but that's the dumbest thing I've seen from this show yet

and this show had Godbrand in it.

Okay, Hector. Listen. You've gotta get a grip here.

Carmila finally gets the castle where she wants it and Sypha just yoinks it away hahahahaha get fucked Carmila

although as plans go, "bringing Dracula and his army right to me" is maybe not the best one?

suddenly ..... wolf???

wolf tossing a sword with his mouth??????

okay the three of them working together in the fight was *chef's kiss* tho

the saving grace of this show is how little Sypha fucks around.

Me watching Dracula and Alucard beat the shit out of each other: why don't men ever talk about their feelings

meanwhile in "Dracula suddenly remembers that this is his son he's in the process of mudering" 

why is this show the way it is

you couldn't even hug him before you stake him? I mean, I feel like he could have used a hug in that moment

how is there still one more episode of this season???

"So, we agree she broke it." "Oh yes." lmao boys pls

why'd you have to send Isaac to a desert, Dracula? Didn't you hear him say he hates the heat?

Trevor and Sypha are so cuuuuuuuuuuute

why the eff do I still have to deal with Carmilla

oh god she's gonna be the season 3 villain isn't she

kill me now

what a nice cheerful note to end the season on!

“Patricide sucks!” [This has been a PSA from Castlevania.]

[swedisheek]

hello stinky i would like to know who is your favourite mechanism and why, i expect a 2k word essay on my desk by friday

ah fuck ah shit they’re all so excellent i will instead list my favorite things about all of them in order of my vague memory of when they joined the crew. also i smell good how dare you. also FYI for anyone not informed about the Lore, all the shit i’m gonna reference below is a hundred percent canonical.

-jonny: has an ego three thousand times larger than his short ass, king of hubris and not understanding anything. loves his sister dearly, but draws the line at random orgies, which i respect. drags corpses onto the ship like a cat bringing home a kill and tells carmilla to fix his new friends. eyeliner and belt game slay me. (four belts? FOUR??) sad and totally made up backstory, he just lied to everyone’s face about his daddy issues and they were like “chill, let’s write a song where you play all the parts and burn down a casino.” eats people sometimes, which is a positive trait in my heart.

-nastya: my god, finally a voice of reason- ah never mind. her vibes are impeccable, my mysterious trans lesbian queen is unique and absolutely vibing <3 “fuck the ship-!” “i do :3″ is my favorite line of dialogue in anything ever. machinefucker and very proud of it, to an almost concerning degree. that one picture where she’s resting two of her fingers on her chin and cocking her hip as she looks up at the sky makes me Yell.

-toy soldier: my beloved it/its inanimate enby ts!! i love it bc it just. vibes. it has so much fun singing and playing instruments and just fucking around with its friends. who would’ve thought the war criminal with a stolen voicebox would be the most babey of this group?? SPEAKING OF ITS VOICE HOLY SHIT. TRIAL BY SONG CAUSES HEART PALPITATIONS. adorable little nutcracker with the saddest fucking backstory infinity/10

-tim: so very very done with jonny but we all know they make out in “secret”. hit that fucking high note as loki so well, my god, he put his whole pussy into that! go gayboy relive that trauma! plays out of tune guitar like a champ and has a ten minute long song dedicated to him blowing shit up, what a power move. excellent hair and long sweeping coats, extremely gender of him.

-brian: ohhh sweet boy. but also totally commits atrocities? like he wouldn’t kill an octokitten that was eating marius alive but he’d let a million people die just so he didn’t have to hurt anyone, and that’s just on mje mode- his morals are so fucked, poor man. also hung upside down inside a sun for a century and respects the hell out of trans people and brings people back to life and those are just a few of my favorite things about him. he fully committed to the steampunk look when he got mechanized and i love that so much. also has the potential to be a tumblr sexyman.

-ashes: ASHES!! ashes ashes ashes. first off what a fucking good name that’s like a murderer naming themself Dead People. they’re the hottest, it’s just a fact, sorry everyone but they are just. mmm. carries around gold bars and cigars and gasoline and nothing else which i respect so much. (though where do they put that stuff? their hat??) sings excruciatingly beautifully and snarks at all the idiots they call their friends and practices the three r’s (rage, repression, and radicalness) so i cannot not love them.

-ivy: mystery wife! her whole thing is stories and yet she doesn’t know her own that’s so fucking pog of her. what does an archivist on a spaceship even do dawg it’s not like the other guys care about the cultures they’re annihilating, i’m pretty sure she just sits in her bunk and reads. why did she need her brain replaced? why does she have such crazy memory problems? how does her new brain calculate all these percentages? we don’t know! she’s very cute and wears fishnets and has a mohawk-ponytail which i adore. play me to sleep on ur flute please miss

-raphaella: twenty points right off the bat for having wings and wearing a knit crop top. what is she going for with her look, we don’t know, but she could do horrific experiments on me and i’d thank her, so it’s working, clearly. alternatively tortures and tops the shit out of marius, i will die on this hill. also a terrifyingly good singer, those little “the void siIings” in losing track make my breathing stop and the entirety of ties that bind is so fucking amazing i. hhhh

-marius: christ i love you mr neither a baron nor a doctor. the other guys are dumb but he’s the himbo of the group just for being That Way. also most of his characters’ (who are also himbos) lines are something along the lines of what the fuck or i don’t understand so i’m gonna punch you. he’s adorable and has such bastard vibes, even his outfit is ridiculous and cute. even though lyf was a cop he deserved to get a happy ending with them ok?? i just love him and his liddol raccoon face and he deserves a slow burn criminal/detective to crew mates to lovers.

OK JEEZ THATS A LOT. ARE YOU HAPPY ALEX. IM NOT GONNA DO AURORA OR CARMILLA BC CARMILLA LEFT AND AURORA NEVER TALKS TO ANYONE BUT NASTYA SO THERES NOT MUCH INFO ON HER PERSONALITY. WOO BOY.

[the-pug-addict]

Puggy’s Castlevania S3 Review (WARNING: SPOILERS)

Okay. So I finished S3 yesterday, and... Well, there’s a lot to process. Many people have mixed opinions about it: some love it, some hate it, and some are in between. For me, this season had a ton of ups and downs, most of which have me debating on whether I’m watching Castlevania anymore or something else entirely. And, for that matter, I’m debating on whether I really want to watch any future seasons or keep following along in this fandom. Here are the biggest things that stood out to me:

Out of all the engines going in this series, Isaac’s story was, by far, the best that I’ve seen. At this point, I don’t think I can call him evil because he’s so well-rounded and respectable as a person (Not a character, a person). Yes, he’s done some terrible shit, but we get to see his deeper intentions, and his thought process and philosophy get exploited a lot through the interactions he has with people. And honestly, I can see him developing into something much bigger.

I also really liked Striga and Morana. They got a lot more spotlight and personality than I anticipated, and I can definitely see a lot of potential with them. Could they eventually cause some conflict amongst the four vampire sisters? Better yet, could they one day be the cause of Carmilla’s demise? Who knows...

They’ve finally started to reveal tiny bits of the goodness of humanity here and there, as the previous two seasons have failed to do. I liked that.

I was honestly starting to like the Judge, at least up until the very last episode. But the demand to burn his house down has me thinking. Was he remorseful about what he did, or did he want to carry the skeletons in his closet to his grave?

Now I have to talk about the biggest thing that’s bothering me... The development of Trevor and Sypha. I remember saying many times that it was one of the best-done romances because it was slow, original and organic. Frankly, the sudden shoe-horning of all the sexual stuff at the very beginning really put me off to the ship. They’re still a super cute couple, and I do like Sypha big time as I do Trevor, but it honestly felt like too much, and there was no relationship development done for us to see. I think I would’ve been more comfortable with the sex stuff if they built that up better. And okay, I’ll admit it. The sex stuff has me a little jealous. Let’s put that out there.

As a matter of fact, the sexuality in this series skyrocketed DRAMATICALLY. Like, 0 to 100. You guys are gonna look at me like I’m crazy, since I myself write a lot of erotic fics, but I’ll give my opinion... It was a little too much. Yes, sex scenes are great and all, and they make good plot devices if you use them right. But you don’t need them to make a good story-- that’s sort of what I liked about the first two seasons. And to make so damn much of it happen all at the same time was a bit of overkill. The one with Alucard we could’ve done without. Hector and Lenore would’ve been fine, if they died it down a bit. The sex implications and pillow talk between Trevor and Sypha should’ve been postponed for long after some more relationship development.

However, I’m giddy over the thought that Alucard is Bi. And Trephacard is my OT3, so if they were to eventually include something sexy in this series, I would’ve settled for saving the threesome for these awesome peeps (eventually, not right away).

Alucard’s ending has me super unsettled. I really loved the fact that he showed unconditional compassion to humans, despite their flaws, but now I’m getting chills and wondering whether he will follow in his father’s footsteps. Please, please, please don’t turn him into an antagonist... Please...

Alucard should’ve gotten his own outfit change. And should’ve gotten to join in on all the action. Please, for the love of God, reunite him with the other two. Make the holy trinity once again.

And, most importantly...

Just where the fuck is Cezar??? Let Alucard have his fucking dog, please!

[the-t-boy-king]

Season 2 of Carmilla is so painful. Like holy shit. Laura has to deal with the fact that the newspapers club was murdered. She has that hanging over her head while trying to save the school. She also held Danny in her arms as she died then killed a guy.

Carmilla is being pushed into role she doesn't want. She's hearing about all the horrible things she's done from Mattie by being called a little monster and the darkest beauty of the rotting world. Vordenberg brings up the past where his great great great great great grandfather was a crazy necrophiliac she had to kill to get away. Mattie getting killed.

[enterlilith]

should you fight the heimarmene girls?

fiamma: i’m gonna be honest with you, avoid it. she’s extra. she’s a show off. she’s gonna find an extremely sexy way of killing you if that’s her objective, and by sexy i mean brutally, using her bare hands (no gloves, yikes, that’s gotta hurt). my advice is only fight fiamma as a last resort. she’s very reasonable and has no qualms with settling scores through civilized arguments (also careful with that... jesus, just be careful around that woman). if you really want to do this... god, just... just make sure you know what you’re doing ok...

ester: i mean... you could but... why?? listen, she’s like 5′1, she’s the size of a ladybug, just a teeny tiny midwife... she rescues animals and rehabilitates them! why... why would you do that, she’s had very tough lives and just wants some Softness for once... also, if she breathes wrong your limbs could all pop off their sockets at once as if you were a poorly put together ball-jointed doll pulled apart by g-d himself. and like... man, lilith watches over her 24/7... just... just don’t do it, girl is Tired.

salomè: don’t recommend it. listen... she is hands down the most physically powerful creature in this list. also, you don’t get to decide if you should fight sallie, sallie decides if she should fight you and consequently relieve gaia of your corrupt existence. if you’re mean and she comes for you, all you can do is pray she’s not gonna snap you in half like a twig or claw you to shreds. or mewl so pathetically that you simply cannot resist answering her using your baby voice, therefore losing all of your mean credibility in the mean guys club. like, it’s her call and she’s valid for whatever she decides to do.

madeline: holy shit yes. if you can even pinpoint where the fuck she is, please, give it a try. completely priceless one-of-a-kind opportunity, she doesn’t know how to fight or defend herself and she’s just gonna wing it in the most ridiculous way imaginable, and it’s gonna be so worth it. you’re gonna get to kick her ass and watch her bounce around the room having a total blast until she finds a spot where she can obfuscate and escape. fair warning: you’re good as long as you don’t let her do the malk talk and... vampires, maddie doesn’t give one flying fuck about rötschreck, she will break a bottle of vodka on your head and use her lighter right after if necessary, make no mistake. she’s afraid of fire? pft, you are on fire!

carmilla: for the love of all that is sacred, fight carmilla. kick her edgy ass back into the 17th century which is where she belongs. actually, first you gotta be able to hit her at all so for that you’re gonna have to make sure you’re as absurdly fast as she is, but, by god, do that. i can’t stand her anymore.

açucena: oh, absolutely. it’s what she deserves, it’s what she wants. particularly if you tend to be a f*scist piece of shit, by all means, i beg you, fight açucena. don’t be afraid when her third eye red like a wound opens and it starts bleeding onto her face a little! this is normal, it means it’s working. think of it like she wants to see your military uniform better.

femi: listen. all i’m gonna say is if i were you i wouldn’t even go as far as looking her in the eye. if femi came around the corner, i’d lower my head until she’s out of sight. that’s the smart thing to do.

[braincoins]

Castlevania 3 Liveblog

I dumped all of this on @toxicure because they were asleep and then I decided to dump it all on all of you. 

Minor spoilers occasionally, but most of it is out of context babbling.

and now to make cryptic non spoilery comments while you sleep

such as:

Awww

and

EW

and

Oh, I was wondering about THAT. WELL THEN.

oh, someone's done well for themselves

I'm glad to see Treffy's friends continue to treat him ...well. >_>

and that Treffy continues to be a stranger to soap and water

"scribal skills" I'ma put that on my business cards

oh he gets a THE now 

Fancy fancy

OH THAT'S A MEME IMAGE

never ever thought I'd say this but I agree with Trevor

also, so many people this season who are like, "I have no name. Call me The ___"

maybe THAT'S where the "the" came from!

oh that explains Mr. Freaky Eyes then

I LOVE HER

LOVE HER

"you saw that I have a knife, right?" Oooooh someone getting snarky

y'know, for a show that's so blatant about murder and gore and violence, they're SUPER squeamish about any sort of nudity

wait that might've been a sliver of penis! QUICK GET THE BELMONTS HERE STAT!

oh, yeah, nevermind, they're getting less squeamish about it all the time

OMG THEY FOUND THEM

lesbians

is... is that one dude masturbating?

oh no it's just crazy rocking okay nevermnind

wait shit I'm starting to agree with Crazy McFuckoEyes

In this episode we find out Trevor is not stealthy

AND SYPHA IS FUCKING AMAZING but we knew that but SERIOUSLY I LOVE HER

well. talk about being a slave to fashion

Isaac would be one hell of a Pokemon Master. 

Like no one ever was.

Remind me never to put my elbows on the table or use the wrong fork. o.O

I really really really wish Alucard were here for this moment. xD

Oh, well, at least SOMEONE walked in on this self-pitying monologue

also, no surprise it was HER idea because she's awesome

what a leaden town [ba-dum TISH!]

no but seriously are they gonna try to turn it into gold?

Sypha is ENJOYING this

i love her SO MUCH my heart's gonna explode

I can't wait to see the Ifso Factso of this

OMG HE'S TOTALLY ADOPTED THEM

[snerk] wow, whipped and he KNOWS it

and speaking of whipped men...

aaaaaaand someone's just developed a BDSM kink

oh well there's where the effects budget went

the cows are like 'dude you took SO MANY SHROOMS'

Oh, and in case you forgot, Warren Ellis thinks Christianity should Aria of Swallow His Dick

omg they're a mood

also can I just say that I support guys wearing crop tops?

OMG STOP TOYING WITH MY HEART WARREN ELLIS

BELNADES AND BELMONT

also. ALSO. I want to know what Jason Isaacs thought when he was given THAT LINE.

"Okay, okay, we want you to say this the same way you'd say 'MUGGLES' or 'MUDBLOODS' or..." "Look, I did movies other than those ones. You know that, right?" "Yeah, yeah, sure whatever, just say it like MUDBLOODS." "Ugh." "YES, LIKE THAT!"

Oh no, no, no, hon. You haven't just felt useless. You've been useless.

Useless, but hot [fans self]

uh oh. See, I knew not to like that dude.

OKAY THAT IS FUCKTASTIC.

Castlevangelion?!

I SWEAR TO SYPHA IF THEY HURT HIM....

[snort] Dude is not used to being helped; Treffy is not used to helping people, it's awkward for everyone involved here.

TREFFY IS A CAT PERSON CONFIRMED

SERIOUSLY.

You thought TREVOR was the main character of "Castlevania"?

Trevor Belmont, last son of the House of Belmont: I am the main character. Sypha Belnades: [clears throat] Trevor: What? I am. Sypha: [gives him a Look (TM)] Remember that sex you were hoping to have? Trevor: No, no, you're right, she's right, Sypha's the main character. Sypha: Good brain-damaged servant. ^_^ You can have a beer now. Trevor: Thank God. Sypha: And after the beer, you can go punch some monks. Trevor: YESSSSSSSSS. And, uh... after the beer and monk-punching? [hopeful grin] Sypha: [looks him up and down] After the beer, the monk-punching, and a BATH. Trevor: Absolutely.

"I'm... I'm pretty?" This is a man who has never looked in a mirror.

Look, in Castlevania-land you're either pretty or you're some sort of horrible freak, man-wise. That's really the only two options.

You're Dracula or you're Godbrand. That's it.

omg he's pretty AND stupid

Okay I think the main message of s3 is "Men are stupid and need women to set them straight. Just be careful what KIND of woman you're obeying totally and entirely." I might be reading into things a bit. I mean, there's also... y'know... the entire rest of the plot.

wow that random guard dude has NO sword discipline whatsoever. Just waving a sword around like that? You'll take someone's knees off! Probably the guard dude in front of you!

the FUCK was that shot? It looked like we had claymation from a British kids' show for a second there

omg how are you THIS DUMB

does... does he wear a nightgown?

loosely laced like that, too?

damn, you little slut fodder for fanartists says what?

oh no. oh NO.

oh MY.

I LITERALLY JUST CHOKED ON MY COCOA

holy hell where'd she get those tits from? She must've been binding like HELL. HOW COULD YOU BREATHE?!?!?!

we're hopping between 4 different scenes: 2 are violence and 2 are sex. And I just KNOW that Pengy's gonna wake up and come out during a sex bit. I JUST KNOW IT

okay that's... that's like Katamari Hellmacy I guess 'cause What the FUQ

IT'S RAININ' MEN!

SING IT, ISAAC

Okay, look. We get to see all THIS sex, but we didn't get to see the one we REALLY WANTED? Like. Mr. Ellis. My Dude.

you're immortal and you never, in all that time, learned any combat skills? Not even in self-defense?

Isaac still leading the way in Forgemaster Fashion tho

does that thing have an eye in its crotch? Eye vagina. Vag-eye-na

OH FUCK YES LOOKIT MY BABE GO

the weird super smoothed-out combat animation is trippy tho

I have a THEORY there but I left it out 'cause I'm trying to keep the spoilers to a minimum

OH NO! THE MAD STRAWBERRY LORD TRIUMPHS?!?!?

OR NOT!!

I KNEW IT

oh no oh no I KNEW it

[has to actually clap hand over mouth so as not to wake husband]

you know... on one hand, if I'D been running this show, I'd've made that the last shot of the season because I'm an evil bitch. on the other hand, THANK SYPHA THAT IS NOT THE LAST SHOT OF THE SHOW

HELL YES THAT PIECE OF DIALOGUE

the fuck

WHERE DID YOU SEND THAT KID?! O_O

LEVEL UP! NEW SPELL UNLOCK!

DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC SAYS YOU'RE FUCKED?!?!?!

omg

will you two just go home and fuck Alucard already?

apparently everyone who dies goes to Hell.

Just. Just straight up.

ok but seriously dude the kid's okay?

OMG YOU FUCKER

good Treffy smart Treffy

[snerk] Carmilla and the lesbians like "TMI TMI TMI"

oh no honey you're not a SLAVE, you're a PET.

That's SO MUCH BETTER

and... wow. Okay. So. Yeah. Honoring our families again, I see. Yay.

THE END.