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myownwholewildworld · 2 months ago

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11. NO MATTER WHAT?

chapter 10 | main masterlist | ao3 | series masterlist | chapter 12 pairing: post-outbreak!joel x f!reader. summary: in your pursuit to find tommy, you find out something else. a/n: hello there! c: eeeeeek we are getting close to the endgame here! i finally sat down and wrote down small summaries for the next chapters so i could have a better idea of how many there were actually left - a total of 15 plus an epilogue. so this story will be drawing to a close soonish but in the meantime, please enjoy this rollercoaster :D all interactions welcome, i'd like to read your thoughts on this! take care <3 x warnings below the cut! please beware, they contain MAJOR spoilers so read them at your own peril. don't come at me please. dividers by @saradika-graphics w/c: ~7.8k. taglist aka the drama wagon at the end of the chapter (let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list pls!)

warnings: 18+, mdni. some smutty smut. masturbation (m and f receiving). unprotected piv. sprinkles of anxiety, anguish and angst here and there. unplanned pregnancy. tempers run a bit high. sarah is in joel's mind. reader is female, no other description given. reader is mid-late 20s, joel is 37. no use of y/n. joel’s and reader’s pov.

“How are you feeling?”

Joel’s voice brought you back to reality, along with a slam of the driver’s door. Your mind had been drifting away, almost falling into a slumber, for the past thirty minutes. You had not even realised that the car had stopped until Joel closed the door behind him.

Your elbow was propped against the window frame, your face buried in the crook of it. Slowly you blinked with a pitiful groan, straightening out your crouched back. For the past month, sleep had been evading you. Funny that, considering how fucking tired you were. And the more tired you were, the more difficult it was to fall asleep. Your bones ached, your joints hurt, your mind was fuzzy ― you felt terrible overall. Many mornings you felt sick too, which did not help. On a few occasions you had woken Joel up with your retching ― and every time, he stayed awake with you, not even once did he complain.

The dreadful pain would vanish gradually over the course of the day and would worsen at night again. The clicker’s bite on your forearm had almost healed, but there were some tiny parts of it that were still open and oozed from time to time ― it didn’t matter how hard you both tried to keep it clean. Fits of itchiness would overcome you and Joel had to pin your wrists against his chest so you would not make the gash worse.

The first week after you were marked, you had actually been doing alright. The thrill of the moment and the adrenaline rushing through your veins as you crossed Illinois were, most probably, what had kept you standing on your feet.

And now that the imminent feeling of death had faded, Chicago well behind you, your body was begging you for a fucking break. But there were no breaks in the apocalypse.

“Darlin��?”, Joel placed his hand on your left thigh.

“Tired.” You sighed heavily as you rubbed your eyes with the heels of your hands. “I can’t sleep.”

“I know, sweetheart.” He lightly squeezed your thigh between his fingers, and you finally looked at him, a weak smile smoothing out your lips. “We’ll find a proper place to stay tonight.”

“Where are we?”, you asked, looking through the passenger’s window.

You had stopped in the middle of a road. A sea of green surrounded you ― a dense wood of pine and oak englobed the asphalt. And then, further afield on your left, you could see blue and sandy brown in between the trees. There was a mist coming off the water and blurring the atmosphere, giving the whole scene a mystic, eerie feeling.

“Lake Ontario, just circumvented Buffalo. I saw the gas station and thought to give it a go”, he explained, pointing with his thumb through the driver’s window.

Then you saw the service station he was referring to.

“Any luck?” You hovered your hand over his on your thigh and intertwined your fingers. His warmth was comforting in the bare coldness of January.

“Surprisingly yes. I was able to siphon out around four gallons from one of them pumps. I’ve just put it all in our tank. Should be more than enough to get to Oswego, even with detours.” Even though Joel’s voice was calm, you could tell he was preoccupied.

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, his eyes meeting yours. He was doing so much for you, and basically all on his own. He drove you out of Chicago while the whole city got swamped by hordes of clickers. For the first week after that day, you both took turns to drive and keep watch at night, but when your body finally gave in, you completely relied on him.

He hadn’t told you out loud, but you could see the worry darkening his chocolate eyes with greyish circles underneath. You knew he was concerned about your health, about the car and gas, about the food, about the safety of being back in the wilderness. Joel was taking good care of you ― you had been so blinded by your own battles that you had not even expressed your gratitude.

“I’m sorry I’m not much help. Thank you for―”

“Don’t even mention it.” He cut you off instantly, pulling from your laced hands so your cheek would land on his chest. “You’re sick, honey. It’s the least I can do.”

Joel’s balmy lips pressed against your forehead. You closed your eyes, letting his warmth seep into your cold bones, softening your taut muscles. You looked up at him with your mouth agape and Joel bowed down to brush your lips with his ― a chaste kiss in a rare moment of peace and quiet.

“I’ll drive to Pembroke and find a house ― we’ll spend the night there and resume the trip in the late morning or early afternoon, depending on how you’re feeling. Sounds good?”

You nodded, burrowing your cheek in his padded jacket. You both stayed still for a couple more minutes before Joel, with a heavy sigh, pulled back to introduce the key in the ignition and start the car.

For the last three weeks, you both had been reassessing your options. Chicago had been an idyllic dream for a short while, but congregating so many people in a small space seemed to have been a siren’s call for the clickers. After much debating, Joel and you had decided to stay away from civilisation.

It had also taken you as long to convince Joel to find Tommy. It was more than obvious that the brothers were not on good terms, considering how the younger one had threatened to kill you the moment he found out you had been bit. You couldn’t blame him for it, as you were sure you would have reacted the same way.

But Joel was not so inclined to forgive his brother. Tommy had made him choose between you and him, told him to get rid of you, even when he had tried to tell the younger Miller what his true feelings for you were. And despite it all, Tommy had ditched you both. But especially Joel, when he needed family the most ― when the dire situation required Tommy to step up, he had stepped down. With that you did not agree, obviously, although you could somewhat understand Tommy’s actions.

After long, dragging talks, Joel had agreed to look for Tommy. The group he was with was not the most convenient if their behaviour in Chicago was to be taken into account. The drugs, the alcohol, the late nights ― they could not afford such way of life out there, not without the safety net of a whole town. Tommy was the only family Joel, and by extension you, had left ― despite it all, family protected family.

Somewhere in Lake Ontario was the safest bet to find him. Laney would listen to Tommy, and if Joel was right, he would pick the same town the older Miller would: Oswego, especially in winter. That was where the Miller brothers and their father would go ice fishing on their weekend trips, so both of them were acquainted with the land.

The purring sound of the engine smothered your thoughts until that was all you could hear. Your eyelids felt heavy, dry even, so you unknowingly let them close with a deep sigh before you were lost to your dreams.

“Darlin’,” Joel stroked your hair, his fingers curling on your chin. “We’re here.”

Slowly you blinked, coming out of your sleepy stupor. Joel was standing outside the passenger’s door, the cold breeze bursting into the cabin. You had dozed off so hard, you had not even heard him leaving the car and opening your door.

“Can you walk? I can carry you.” He asked, no shade of doubt in his words.

Imagining Joel carrying you through a doorframe as if you were newlyweds made you smile. Maybe in a different lifetime or in a parallel universe could you have that destiny. Not in this one, sadly.

“I’m fine walking.”

Joel’s eyes met yours, a slight tilt to his head indicating he did not get why you were smiling. You waved your hand as if to say, “don’t worry about it”, and tried to step out of the car, but his frame was blocking your exit.

You cocked an inquisitive brow.

“What? You don’t think I can?” The challenge in his voice was there, ready for you to pick on it.

You laughed it off as you stirred in your seat, your legs dangling off the car seat now in between his legs. Joel didn’t budge one inch.

“I know you can. You’ve proved it a few times now.” You hoped that would ease him.

Joel grunted and you knew he was considering proving it to you once more. But you didn’t give him the chance to do so, standing up so close to him your body slammed into his. A strong arm wrapped around your waist to prevent you from falling back on to the car seat.

His welcoming mouth was so near hovering over yours, your mind just went poof for a second. Joel’s imposing presence always clouded your judgment, especially when he was this close to you. He made all your neuron synapses go haywire, even more when you were tired and achy.

“And you won’t let me show you again, I take it?” He whispered, his lips intently moving against yours with every word, your lungs taking in his sweet breath as if his oxygen was the only one that could truly feed them.

You were barely able to shake your head no. And then some neurons finally connected, allowing you to place a hand on his hard chest to push him back a bit with a sufficient grin.

“You won’t bewitch me so easily, Miller.”

He cackled, taking a step back and shaking his head with disbelief.

“You hurt my feelings, darlin’.” He faked some puppy eyes that made you swoon a little, but didn’t give in.

“I sure do…” You muttered, the shared joke letting you forget your fatigue.

Getting out of the car, the piercing January breeze knifed your skin. You were not accustomed to the northern cold ― Texas had treated you well with fairly mild winters but scorching hot summers. There had been instances where the Texan weather reached freezing temperatures, but it was not as common as up here.

You walked around the Jeep with Joel by your side, his arm draped around your shoulders to keep you close to his body heat. He had parked the car in between some tall, thick, evergreen bushes, tucked away out of sight. He then pointed to a house ― single storey, with a washed green façade and a tiny porch with a white door.

A couple of minutes later, you were inside. It was still cold, but not as bad as it was out there. The living room was small and outdated with clashing hues of brown, red and orange. The curtains were drawn, and it smelt a bit musky, layers of dust sitting atop the furniture. You were not expecting a five-star hotel, so this place would definitely do. It was isolated and off the main roads, so there would be less chances of running into some undesirable situations. Or people ― especially people.

You braced yourself to keep your core temperature as high as possible, and Joel noticed it.

“There’s a chimney but can’t get a fire going. It would give us away.” You could hear the unspoken apology in his tone. “But I’ve left a pile of blankets there.”

Joel pointed to the old-fashioned, floral-stamped couch that reminded you of one in your grandparents’ house. The quilts were bunched together, and all of your packed belongings were sitting on the floor ― you guessed Joel had taken everything out of the car while you had a little power nap.

As you approached and ran your fingers through the fleece to test the softness of the fabric, Joel grabbed one and wrapped you in it like a burrito.

“Do you have your gun?” He asked, lifting your chin up.

You nodded ― you always had it fastened to your belt. Since Chicago, you made sure you were armed at all times.

“Good. I need you to stay here while I go have a snoop around town.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You squinted your eyes with dissent, and then took off the blanket that he had covered you with to leave it on the couch.

“Not gonna happen, gorgeous. I’m coming with you.” Not because you were afraid of being left alone, but because you did not trust this world you lived in. If something was about to happen while he was out and about, you wanted to be right by his side.

He rolled his eyes at you but knew better than fighting you on this.

“So stubborn, aren’t you?”

“You wouldn’t love me any other way.” You replied with a beaming smile, lacing a hand with his and pulling him towards the door.

Joel snorted, a warm tautness nipping at the corner of his mouth.

“That’s true.”

“Chef Boyardee’s Beefaroni?” You read the label of a tin can out loud, brows pinching with amusement. “I thought they had gone out of business ages ago.”

“What? Of course not.” You could tell he was offended by the tone of his voice.

You smirked when he trotted towards you and snatched the can off your hand.

“It’s one of the best brands out there for canned food.” He lectured you, sliding the can in his backpack.

“I prefer anything from Campbell’s a thousand times over.” You jested as your hands travelled through the almost empty shelves, finding a sample of that same brand. “Their canned spaghetti is unbeatable.” You pinched your fingers together and smacked your lips, as if you were an Italian chef blowing a kiss.

“Do not start this feud between us, sweetheart. I can forgive many things, but not this senseless provocation.” His words were imbued with harshness, but his lips were softened by a crooked smile.

You giggled, putting away the can in your backpack, and proceeded to wander off further in the grocery store until you reached the pharmacy section. Medical supplies were really hard to come by and with an open wound like yours, they were very much needed. So, you rummaged through the shelves ― you would take anything you could find.

After a few minutes, you had located some sterile wound dressings, a couple of roller bandages, cleansing wipes and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. You had also found one pack of expired painkillers ― you could not get too picky with expiry dates on the apocalypse.

You knelt down to put everything away in your rucksack when something caught your attention. There was a single pack of sanitary pads sitting at the back of the bottom shelf. Feminine hygiene products were so hard to come by, you seized it in the blink of an eye.

In doing so, you hit another cardboard box out of the way. Curious, you grabbed it and turned it around in your hands. The white letters against the blue background read, “Clearblue Easy digital pregnancy test.” You had seen the TV ads before the world went to shit, but didn’t pay them too much attention. Apparently, it was a new technology with a digital screen that would show the words “Pregnant” or “Not pregnant”. Fancy stuff, really. You kept on reading the small text on the package, mindlessly interested.

Your period should have come a few days ago. But ever since your teen years, it was never regular, making it very hard to predict ― so it didn’t worry you too much. In fact, it was completely normal for you, so you put the box back down on the shelf.

Wait. What day is it? You suddenly thought, trying to recall an image of a calendar in your head. With your fingers curled in a fist, you lifted one at a time while you did the mental calculations.

Then it hit you. Your period was not just a few days late, but two weeks. The latest it had ever been was five days, so fourteen ―fuck, fifteen!― days were definitely not normal for your cycle. Your hands began shaking as you started counting again ― maybe you had forgotten how to do basic maths mentally?

Your heart was pounding so hard and fast, a rush of blood heavily pumping through your eardrums, you almost missed Joel’s call.

“Hey, sweetheart. Where are ya?” His booted steps were fast approaching.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. HOLY SHIT. FUCK.

Panic boiled inside you as you wildly looked around ― Joel’s shoes were on the other side of the shelves.

Just in the nick of time, you shoved the pregnancy test box down in your bag, hiding it between all the other bits you had collected, just as Joel turned the corner into the corridor you were at.

You tried your best to feign normalcy as Joel inched forward towards you and extended a hand to help you get up. You accepted it and stood up, trying to hide your eyes away from him by pretending to secure your backpack.

“Did you find anything useful?” He innocently asked, and you almost choked with the bare air that filled up the room.

“Y-yeah,” you tried your best not to stutter, but your nerves had a tight grip on your vocal cords, “some first aid stuff for my wound.”

Why were you omitting your most important finding? Joel should be aware; you should tell him about what was plaguing you right now.

But you didn’t. Don’t want to worry him unnecessarily if it’s just a false alarm, you told yourself.

Joel cocked his head, and you were sure he had perceived your nervousness, but he didn’t press the matter, for which you were grateful.

“Let’s go back then. Found some more food and hygiene stuff ― a couple of toothbrushes, ain’t it exciting?” He grinned and you made your best effort to return the gesture.

“You do know how to make someone’s day.” You joked back, but your feeble attempt at normality ate at his conscience.

It was well past midnight and Joel felt you stirring in his arms. The couch was not too big, so any small movement would startle him awake. Not that he was really sleeping anyway, too worried about the threats out there that could ruin the fragile peace of the night.

Your elbow sank in his ribs, and he swallowed a painful grunt.

“Sorry, Joel. I just can’t find the posture to fall asleep. I can go to the other couch if you―”

“Nonsense.” He interrupted you before you could suggest sleeping apart.

Maybe the couch was not the best option, but the bedroom was far too exposed to the main road for his liking. The living room, on the other hand, was facing towards the back of the property and was close to the door that led to the backyard, where the Jeep was hidden. So you both had to make do with the uncomfortable sofa.

He liked having you splayed out on top of him, your cold toes pressed against his bare feet looking for some warmth. He had covered you both with three thick blankets, your head almost tucked underneath with your cheek resting on his chest.

He stroked your hair, knowing that something was off. Joel could not pinpoint what exactly, but he was sure there was something on your mind worrying you. It pained him that you wouldn’t share what it was, especially after everything you had been through together. There should be no need to fence off your feelings away from him, but he understood that he couldn’t push you to share with him whatever preoccupied your mind.

Mainly because he also had worries of his own that he kept to himself. Like keeping you alive, for instance. How close Joel had been to losing you had unleashed a new wave of anxiety ― there was no room for mistakes anymore, he had promised himself. He would die before having you in harm’s way again.

You snuggled against his chest, looking for some comfort, while his arms embraced you tighter. Then he felt one of your cold hands snaking under his tee shirt, caressing his lower tummy.

His body reacted unwillingly at your touch, your hand too close to where he liked it most. Joel took a deep breath, and you snickered above him.

“You okay?” You teased, chin planted on his left pec and wicked eyes staring up at him.

“Mhmm,” was his way of saying yes. “Are you achy?”

“If you mean if something hurts, then no. I took two painkillers a couple of hours ago, so I’m actually pain-free right now. If you mean achy, like really achy… then yes.” Your voice lowered to a seductive whisper, your thumb rubbing the hairy trail running down his belly button.

“Jesus fucking Christ, honey.” He cooed when the same hand dipped under the waistband of the loose pants he used for sleeping.

“Are you achy, Joel?” You whispered in his ear as your fingers curled around his length.

“You need to rest―” He started scolding you, but you were having none of it.

You squeezed his manhood so sweet, with the perfect amount of pressure, he could not finish the sentence because a groan bubbled up his throat.

“I need to stop overthinking stuff, and I can think of a way to achieve that…” You purred again, your hand so still it was driving him crazy.

“What’s on your mind?” Even through the sensual haziness, he worried about you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing important… Don’t worry about it,” you husked, kissing the corner of his mouth.

Your fingers firmly clutched around his girth while you began pumping him. Joel closed his eyes, swallowing a growl ― anything he was thinking about, had just gone out of the window of his mind.

He hunted down your mouth until a sultry dance of tongues ensued, your hand stroking his beating cock with determination. Joel fisted one of your ass cheeks when his balls began to feel heavy and hot. He then positioned you on top of him, straddling him, and sat up a little on the couch, the small of his back resting against the arm of the couch.

You pulled down his pants and underwear, freeing his demanding and leaking erection. You did not like to waste a drop, not even a tiny one, so you quickly smothered his sensitive head with your thumb, smearing the precum over his tip. Joel loved it when you did that.

Leaving a trail of wet kisses where your neck met your shoulder, Joel helped you remove your pants and panties; then cupped your molten core, his palm completely flushed against your needy pussy lips. You whimpered something unintelligible as his index finger dunked in your slick slit.

Joel loved how your velvety fold seeped for him. He lightly stroked that tight bud of nerves, while his middle finger quickly joined the other in the warm wetness of your pussy. It slid off your tackiness until it found your begging entrance. Joel circled it a few times, his thumb now attending your pulsing clit, until he dived it in.

You moaned audibly and your hand stilled around his throbbing dick. Joel felt relief when you finally resumed the pumping of his cock, most probably spurred on by his relentless fingering. The wet, sucking sounds your pussy was making around his finger was driving him mad with lust, especially when you tightened your walls around it.

His wandering middle finger sunk in your weeping hole too. Joel curled them both towards the front, caressing the soft, spongy spot that made you go wild with desire, while his thumb worked your clit diligently.

He knew you were lost to him the moment you let go of his hard, pulsating cock and placed your hands on each of his shoulders, finding your balance. You jerked your hips up and down on his lap as if you were riding his cock, your swollen cunt squeezing his fingers ever so sweetly.

“That’s it, baby. Come for me. Come on my fingers, I know you want it.” He goaded you while his free hand stroked his steely dick.

Joel felt the pulsation of your walls, what a tight grip they had on his fingers, announcing your orgasm. And before you tipped over the edge of your arousal, Joel took them out with a loud, squelching pop.

“J-Joel, p-please...” A pitiful whine escaped your mouth when you thought he was about to deny you an orgasm, but he wasn’t so cruel.

Joel forced your hips down on his beating cock, your creamy cunt sheathing him perfectly ― your quivering hole so well trained to stretch around him just enough. He held you down, impaled by his shaft, and then intensely circled your thudding clit again until you came hard on him. The intensity of your climax transformed your beautiful features ― the prettiest portrait he had ever set his eyes on.

This was his personal paradise, with you sat down on his lap and his engorged cock completely buried between your damp flaps. He didn’t know if it was voluntarily or not, but your walls kept on trembling around his dick, your face tilted upwards towards the ceiling. He could picture you with your mouth agape and eyes closed as you felt the last waves of your pleasure.

Joel released your waist and stroked your buttocks, burying his face between your regrettably covered breasts.

“Ride my cock, darlin’. Ride me hard and fast. Wanna feel this pussy of mine doing her job, working my dick as she should. What she was made for.” Joel could not ―would not― stop talking, knowing how much it turned both of you on.

Joel leaned back a bit while you looked for his mouth to muffle both of your moans. With the help of your knees comfortably placed on either side of him, you started swaying your hips back and forth, sitting on his pulsating, hot dick and almost releasing it entirely.

The pace you picked up was maddening, devilish even. You would harshly come down on him and then took your sweet time to free his manhood. Your motions grew savage and erratic, and Joel aided you by cupping both of your ass cheeks, guiding your rhythm and fucking up into you, meeting every thrust with one of his own.

The kiss got so sloppy you both needed a breather ― and you took the opportunity to sink your face in the crook of his neck while mewling like a kitten in heat, your saliva pooling on his skin while your hips smoothly rocked on top of him.

“I-I’m coming again, I can’t―” Your faltering voice tickled the wet skin of his neck.

“Let go, darlin’. Come for me, squeeze me hard, harder―” Joel didn’t need to incite you anymore, because as soon as he touched your writhing clit again, you melted all over him.

“Oh, fuck, Joel, yes― Mhmmm… A-ah…” You shrieked uncontrollably, choking his throbbing shaft with your squiring cunt, his mushroom head dragging on your g-spot just right.

Your cream coating his lap so thickly sent him down a spiral of lust he had learnt to crave. Joel felt the deep pulse, his veiny cock twitching with anticipation. Making use of the last remnants of his logic, Joel cupped your ass and push it up, so his dick slipped out of you just in time, the knob shyly and briefly caressing that tight ring.

With his needy erection lodged between your ass cheeks, he came hard with a guttural growl ― white, thick spurts of cum shooting up and landing on the curve of your buttocks. His head tilted back, rejoicing in the pleasure that was washing over him, exposing his neck to your sinful mouth. You scratched the stubble on his jaw with bare teeth, and then bit down on his skin, marking him yours.

His softening cock spasmed one las time in the fold of your skin, as Joel slowly came back to his senses, foraging for your lips. This time the kiss was not messy but needy as both of you came down from the high of your shared ecstasy.

“Joel,” you whispered into his mouth, “I love you. You know that, right?”

His chest swelled with your love confession ― he would never grow tired of you saying it out loud. But this time there was a different note to your admission, one he did not know how to interpret. There was as much love as there was doubt. Maybe you just needed some reassurance, albeit he did not see why.

He nuzzled your cheek before chastely pecking your reddened lips.

“Yeah, I know.” His mouth ghosted over your closed eyelids, caressing the delicate skin. “I love you too, no matter what.”

“No matter what?” You asked under your shaky breath.

“Yes, no matter what.” There was no hesitation whatsoever. He truly meant it.

You had never bit your nails before, but that was everything you could do while you waited for the pregnancy test to develop.

How could you be in this situation? You both were always careful, with Joel finishing outside every time. Except for that one night, you thought. The night you both believed to be your last. “Please, Joel, I want to feel you, I need to feel you,” you had whispered to him at the top of your climax, blind to the fact that those words would seal your fate.

Nothing you could do take it back. If you wanted to take it back, that was.

And then there was last night. You felt extremely guilty for using sex as a distraction, but you panicked. That “I need to stop overthinking stuff” had escaped your mouth before you could stop it and Joel, as perceptive as he was, had picked up on it. Sometimes you wished he couldn’t read you like an open book.

The wait was killing you, your racing thoughts going over every single scenario your brain could come up with. All the good and the bad flashing before your eyes ― and you were so intent on focusing on the bad.

This world was not made to be lived in. Surviving was not guaranteed, death closing in at every turn of the path. And if it was hard enough for yourself, how would it be for a tiny, helpless baby? What kind of life would you be giving them? There were too many things that could happen, too many threats out there ― not only the dead, but also the ones who lived. If the apocalypse had taught you anything, it was that the living could not be trusted.

What if you died? Or even worse, what if your baby died? What if you couldn’t protect them? What if someone hurt them? What would you do then?

But before all of that, you would have to go through a pregnancy in a world where coming by some measly tampons was already a fucking miracle. All the complications you could face paled in comparison to how that baby could suffer during childbirth if something went wrong.

And then there was Joel. How would he react? You had never spoken about this, so you truly had no idea what his thoughts were on the matter. He was a dad, always would be ― and you knew how much it hurt him to be a childless father. How much he missed Sarah. How much he regretted everything he didn’t do that fateful September night. Perhaps Joel would see this baby as a blessing ― or a death sentence. It was impossible to tell.

Would he stay with you, or would he abandon you? Would he want to keep the baby?

Did you want to keep the baby?

A dense knot formed in your throat as tears gathered at the edges of your eyes, your foot nervously tapping the linoleum on the floor. A metallic tang suddenly flooded your sense of taste, and you removed your thumb from your lips ― you had nipped at your cuticle so bad, it had started bleeding.

You sucked on the wound in the hopes it would stop bleeding while your eyes were transfixed on the test, your heart pounding so hard it was climbing up your throat.

Then a change on the screen made your heart jolt painfully.

You lunged forward, hand extended. Your fingers were shaking so much, the test dropped from your grip and hit the sink, falling facedown. With trembling hands, you reached for it again and turned it around.

The world stilled.

Pregnant.

And then the world spun around you.

Your vision went white for a second, your other hand grasping the edge of the counter tight to prevent you from falling. Your knees were quivering so much you ended up sitting down on the lidded toilet, trying to control your quick breathing.

Tears inevitably welled up as your new reality slowly dawned on you. A part of you wanted this child so much, so badly, it was overwhelming. Before Cordyceps, you had always wanted to be a mother but thought it would never happen when your last relationship broke off. Then the apocalypse happened, and such desire got drown by your new priorities, so never really gave it another thought.

And now your long-forgotten yearning was staring right back at you. A crack of happiness forced its way through your heart and for a brief second, you smiled through the tears. Maybe this was not what you had planned, maybe it was selfish of you ― you had not even met this baby yet, and you knew you would give your life for them.

A knock on the bathroom door derailed your train of thought.

“Baby, are you okay?” Joel’s voice came through the plank of wood separating you.

And a part of you was scared to bits. Sheer panic was what made you spring up to your feet, your hand still holding the pregnancy test.

“Y-yeah!” You quickly answered, wiping away your tears as you shoved the test down in one of the pockets of your backpack.

Tell him. I should tell him. He has the right to know. This baby is as much his as they are mine.

You tried to convince yourself and were determined to share the news, but the moment you opened the door and were faced with Joel, fear took over your being and the words got stuck at the back of your throat.

You smiled at him as if nothing happened, as if your world had not been turned upside down a minute ago.

“Yeah, all good,” you said, your smile a little bit wider as you kept the tears at bay.

Joel’s eyes squinted ever so slightly, but if he suspected something, he didn’t say.

“Are you ready to go? Everything’s in the car,” he asked, his fingers seeking yours to pull you into the corridor.

“Perfect, let’s go.”

No matter what. He said no matter what. This is “no matter what.” Just say it. It’ll be fine. It’s okay. Say it.

“Joel?” You whispered his name, a fleeting moment of bravery.

His head turned around to look at you over his shoulder as he walked a step ahead of you.

“Yeah, darlin’?”

Now. Speak up. Say the words. He won’t leave you. He’s a dad. Always have been. He’ll understand. It’s okay. Say it. Come on, open your mouth and just say it!

“I think I’ve forgotten my toothbrush, sorry,” the words left your mouth before your brain could register them.

You had panicked again and wanted to hit yourself for it. Why the sudden lack of trust? He loved you and you loved him. That was all that mattered, right?

You turned on your heels before he could see your glassy eyes and scurried away to retrieve a toothbrush that was already packed away in your backpack.

The detour to get to Oswego was eating up most of the fuel. For three days Joel had driven around, stalking out different roads to access the town. Perhaps he was paranoid but preferred to err on the side of caution. Chicago was still fresh on his mind, so the idea of getting close to civilisation again was not dear to him.

As much as he tried to focus, he was also distracted. You had been acting as always, but there was this nagging thought in the confines of his mind that told him there was something wrong. Joel did not know what it was but sensed something different in your attitude.

You were not distant with him, but you were cautious, almost reticent. Maybe coming closer to a town bothered you too, although he did not understand why. It was you who had suggested looking for Tommy, as much as he first loathed the idea.

He had been thinking about the reunion with Tommy since you both set your path towards Oswego. Joel did not know what to expect because Tommy could be as volatile as he was. He knew Tommy meant well, but in the end, he had left him behind when Joel needed his support the most. That memory, that betrayal, still stung ― badly. But according to you, forgiving and moving on would do wonders for him.

His thoughts drifted back to you as he watched you rummage through your backpack, looking for a lighter ― you were far enough from humanity and clickers that a little fire to boil some water with tea leaves before going to bed would not be an issue with the dense foliage sheltering you both. This was a quick pit stop before finding a house to spend the night.

Joel could not put his finger on what was bothering you, that harrowing feeling never truly left him since the night you spent on Pembroke. In retrospect, he even wondered if you had worked him up that night because he had asked you what was in your mind and did not want to answer him.

Whatever it was, you seemed intent on not sharing your worries with him. He was slightly hurt and felt like you had built an impenetrable wall around you. You would meet him at the door every now and then but wouldn’t really invite him in into the fortress of your mind.

But yet again, he did exactly the same. Perhaps if he opened up about his concerns, you would too.

As he was about to say something, you dropped your backpack on the fallen tree trunk and stood up.

“Silly me, I think I left it in the car,” you groaned, exasperated, as you made your way back to the Jeep.

Joel watched the backpack rock back and forth on the trunk before it fell forwards. He was able to catch it before it hit the frozen ground, but the contents of the front pocket spilled on the floor. He mindlessly picked each piece up and put it back in the pocket ― but the last thing caught his attention.

A white stick with a blue cap that was vaguely familiar. For a second, he thought it was a weird-looking pen until he flipped it around and was greeted with a digital screen that read, “Pregnant.”

It was just one simple word, but he could not make sense of it. That was until the pieces of the puzzle started to fit together, painting a clearer picture in front of him. His heart suddenly dropped to his stomach at the realisation of what was on the palm of his hand.

His jaw went slack as the news started to sink in. Pregnant? A baby? In this world? With all those threats out there? This was no life to bring up a baby. Always on the run, never settling anywhere ― it would be cruel to doom them to such an existence. He would not be able to protect them, he would fail all over again. That would kill him ― Joel was convinced he could not take another loss like that, cradling another dead child of his.

His memory shot back to Sarah, to the night that changed everything for the worse. He could still feel the warmth leaving her body, her teary eyes looking up at the night sky. The pain that shredded his whole being, leaving him an empty carcass to wander this Earth. His whole world had shattered to pieces ― pieces he was barely able to put together now.

What in another lifetime would have been a blessing, in this one it was most definitely a curse. A death sentence for the child, regardless of how hard both of you tried. Joel knew ― he knew very well. There were forces he could not control, and death was one of them. The moment his tainted soul touched an innocent one, he would corrupt them. The same way he corrupted yours.

The reality was, he was scared to death. There were not many things in this universe that would faze him anymore ― but this was one of them.

Was this what was worrying you? It had to be. Why had you not said one word to him about it? For three fucking days? Yes, he was scared, but he was madder.

“Joel, do you have the lighter? I can’t find―” You began to ask before turning around and closing the passenger’s door behind you.

Your eyes widened as if you had seen a ghost and froze in place. You seemed shocked enough, but what was your plan? Not tell him until you were literally showing? Not tell him at all?

“Why―”

“Care to explain this?” He barked between gritted teeth, his temper flaring, as he stood up.

He threw you the test and you just about managed to catch it. He watched your gaze drift down to the device, almost as if it was the first time you saw it.

For a minute you didn’t say anything ― nothing at all. His anger, but also his disappointment, grew. What did this say about you? About him? About your relationship?

“You’ve gone through my things?” You hushed, such a low murmur he hardly heard you.

Joel scoffed, not believing his hearing. Maybe he was deafer than he thought? Was that all that worried you? All that you had to say right now?

Your accusatory tone stung badly; a sharp dart directed to his pounding heart. You had really good aim.

“‘Course not! Your backpack fell―” Why was he explaining himself when it was obvious you had not showed him the same deference about way more important matters? “Doesn’t matter. When did you plan to tell me? Or were you gonna keep me in the dark?”

You just stared at him with doe eyes, your fingers wrapped around the test as if it was your lifeline. Why weren’t you talking? Why did you look at him as if he had booted you?

The knot in his throat got bigger, almost collapsing his airway. Fight me back.

“You said it was nothing important, dammit,” his voice broke on the last word.

Finally, you blinked and shyly took a few steps towards him. Joel’s eyes followed your every movement but didn’t meet you halfway as he should have, so you stopped in your tracks. The utter fear had him paralysed ― fear of losing you, of taking care of a baby on this decrepit world, of making another unfathomable mistake.

“And you said no matter what,” you whispered back, your heart seeking his but not finding it ― it was well tucked away, out of reach for the time being.

That was a low blow, one that would have made him fold if it wasn’t for his stubbornness.

“Are you keeping it?” He found himself asking, jaw clenched.

“It?” Again, another stab right to the centre of his chest. He didn’t mean it that way, but your rhetoric question made it sound awful now. “I wanted to speak to you first…”

“Ah, were you? So, I have a say in this?” He was genuinely surprised, his brows furrowing.

“Of course you do, Joel.” You muttered, dipping your hands in the pockets of your padded coat, a defeated look on your face. “This baby… is mine and yours. Ours. If you truly don’t want them, then…” You shrugged, a loud, heavy sigh leaving your mouth in the shape of a misty cloud. “Can’t force you, won’t force you.”

“Doesn’t look like we have much of a choice,” he snapped back, rubbing his face with one hand.

There were no hospitals, no doctors, no nothing. The reality was you both were stuck with the consequences of your actions.

“You do. I don’t,” Your voice cracked, your eyes watery and your head sinking between your shoulders as you took a step away from him. “It’s not my fault, you know?”

He suddenly felt like a fucking jerk. It was obvious his reaction was not what you were expecting of him. Damn, it wasn’t what he expected of himself. He had let his fear speak for him, instead of reassuring you everything was going to be okay.

Joel should have told you he would be by your side at every turn of this life and the next. Instead, it looked like he was blaming you for what had happened. But that was not his intention, not at all.

He then realised he was making it all be about himself, instead of about you and the baby. What an egocentric ass he was. He had been so worried about himself, about his fears, Joel hadn’t thought of how you were feeling. You, who was the most affected by it all ― not him.

Before he could change his narrative, before he could apologise and ask to start this conversation all over again, you turned on your heels and walked towards the car.

The slam of the passenger’s door had a definite fatality to it ― the kind that would make his stomach churn.

What the fuck had he just done?

@yesjazzywazzylove-blog @pedrospurplerain @missladym1981

@fancyyoouu @smolbeanzzz @guelyury @bishtrouille

@harriedandharassed @thepalaceofmelanie @eternallyvenus

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ginnyrules27 · 5 months ago

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Look I know I'm going to sound horrible right now but...I truly believe the 'assassination attempt' was staged by Trump's people.

You're honestly telling me Secret Service wouldn't have every possible building surrounding the rally covered?

The shooter hits Trump's ear yet we're not told of anyone behind Trump getting shot or the crowd panicking? And now PA police are saying that it's more likely Trump got his ear cut by glass from the teleprompter screen shattering from the bullet

Can you honestly tell me that the Secret Service, the people tasked to protect current and former Presidents, can not overpower an overweight 78 year old man long enough for him to be able to have a photo op where he's standing with his fist in the air with a bloody ear and the American flag in the air above him? I repeat, the man is 78 years old. Secret Service should have immediately dragged his ass off the stage and into a car.

Look, it's not abnormal in American History for presidential candidates to be shot--Teddy Roosevelt was shot point blank in the chest and continued his speech. William McKinley was assassinated in Buffalo, New York when attending the Pan-American Exhibition (fun fact, it was after this assassination that the Secret Service stopped being in charge of protecting the currency and started being responsible for protecting the President). But unless the Secret Service didn't want to do their jobs, there's a high chance this was staged to get people's attention away from Project 2025

#us politics #american politics #trump rally shooting #honestly the man eats big macs and drinks diet coke every day you're telling me the people responsible for protecting him can't drag him #to the car?#Makes me think Biden should just keep Major by his side since clearly Secret Service has issues

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vintage-london-images · 2 years ago

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The London Eye is not the first great wheel built in London, in fact the Victorians thought of it first, and their wheel was the second tallest structure after St Paul's in London at the time.

It was to be built at the new exhibition grounds at Earls Court, which had been squeezed onto surplus railways lands west of Warwick Road. They had opened in 1887 and with the Victorian lust for anything worldly became extremely popular, with one of the first attractions being William Cody’s Buffalo Bill Rough Riders and Redskin Show. There were also “national” exhibitions – French, German and Italian – a concert hall and a switchback railway. The spectacles became increasingly ambitious under the new proprietor Imre Kiralfy who rebuilt most of the buildings on the site. It was he who brought in ex navy engineer Walter Bassett, who in turn engaged the services of J. J. Webster and C. F. Hitchens and the firm of Maudslay & Sons of which Bassett was also a director, to create and design the Earls Court Great Wheel, and construction began in 1894.

The Wheel was ultimately open for passengers in July 1895. It was 300 feet in diameter and weighed 1100 tons. It had forty cars and each one could carry up to forty passengers, it was propelled by two 50hp steam engines with a complete revolution taking around 20 minutes and costing 6d a head.

The excitement generated by the wheel by the Victorian public was tremendous. There was something about the concept of riding high into the air in a closed compartment and seeing London from an unfamiliar angle that was almost like flying.

The Wheel also had its detractors who thought it vulgar, foolish or “insane”. So not much change there when it comes to something new. It ran successfully for several years with only a few problems, the most prominent was when the wheel got stuck for several hours over night, but the passengers were compensated it is said with 10 shillings (a lot of money then) and came away happy.

But all things come to an end, the wheel survived until 1906–7, when it had ceased to be profitable, and Walter Bassett was then engaged to supervise its demolition.

We see in the pics its construction and the wheel towering over nearby homes.

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mysoftboybensolo · 10 months ago

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I'll Be Seeing You:

A/N: When researching Freddy's part in Masters of the Air, I learned about not only of his real life counterpart, but also of his real life wife and I thought there was a love story to be told here. If I were to cast Audrey, I'd pick Danielle Rose Russell, as she reminds me so much of Audrey. More info on the pair can be found here (x) and (x)

Pairing: David x Audrey

Warnings: Mentions of war, slight spoilers of character's fate, historical fiction (given that there isn't too much details about their life), 16k words (my longest one shot I've ever done!)

A03 Link: (x)

War changes everything, for better and for worse. Audrey didn’t expect her life to go the way it did, but given how everything had gone, she can’t say that she’d expect anything less. Here she was in Los Angeles, twenty-one years old, and trying to make herself known in pictures, a long cry from her old home in Buffalo, New York.

She wanted to do something to help the soldiers, something that would help them through this time, and her only skill was her dancing. There was a small dance hall that was hosting a USO canteen in need of entertainers, and she managed to get in. She worked practically every night, entertaining and dancing with soldiers, which was nice for the most part, but she had been a little disillusioned when some soldiers would try to play on her sympathies and try to get her to do “one last service” by giving them a “night to remember and carry on the battlefield”. What happened to honor and decency among soldiers and war? All her friends had thought this would be the perfect chance to meet a fella, but Audrey wasn’t exactly thrilled by the options she was given.

One fateful evening, Audrey was dancing with a soldier, who clearly brought in his own booze, holding her too tightly, making passes that made her very uncomfortable. “Say, sweetheart, why don’t we go to my car, it’s comfortable. Bet a pretty girl like you has been ridden quite a bit,” he laughed, pulling her closer. Would no one help her? Did no one see how miserable she was?

“Pardon me,” came a voice. The pair stopped, and she saw a tall, lean man, with dark hair and light blue eyes, wearing a uniform Audrey wasn’t familiar with. “May I have this dance?”

The drunkard held her closer and said, “I’m not done yet.”

He stopped him once again from dancing, and continued, “There must be some confusion, I wasn’t asking to dance with you. Miss,” he tried again, looking at Audrey, “May I have this dance?”

“Oh yes, please,” she tried to get away, but the drunk dancer stopped her.

“The song isn’t over,” he says, and then music ended and the crowd applauded.

“Hark, the angels have heard you and have mercifully ended the song. Excuse us,” he stepped in, whisking her away in a dance, leaving her partner in the crowd completely confused. “Are you alright, miss? You didn’t look particularly happy dancing with him.”

“You seemed to be the only one to notice. Thank you for coming to my rescue.”

“It is my pleasure. I’m David by the way.”

“I’m Audrey.” She looked at his uniform and didn’t recognize the symbol. “Forgive me, but what branch are you in? I don’t know your patch.”

“I am part of the Signal Corps. It’s a branch that handled many things, such as military intelligence, relaying information that our soldiers may need.”

Audrey’s eyes widened in wonder. “That is an incredibly important job to have! I mean, any information you receive, could help win the war.”

“That’s what we hope.”

“Is that your only job?”

“No, I am actually part of the aviary.”

“Isn’t it dangerous to be in the sky?”

“About as dangerous it is to be on the ground.”

She gave a small shake of her head and muttered, “I wish I could do something as important as that.”

“You do.” She looked at him confused, then he explained, “It’s hard over there, to be away from family and friends, to see things that no one should ever see in their lifetime. To have a moment of relief from that, some songs, dances, a smile, it reminds us why we are doing this. You, and everyone here keep us grounded. That’s your job, and it’s incredibly important.”

For the first time in months, Audrey felt like she wasn’t a failure. The song ended, and she felt an emptiness when he released her to clap like everyone else did. “Have you had anything to drink tonight?” he asked.

“No, actually.”

“If you’d like, we can have a drink together.” She smiled and nodded, gratefully taking his arm that he offered and together went to the refreshment table. They had sat and talked for the longest time, little things that people chatted about, movies, music, books, and yet, she had a very good idea of the kind of man he was through his interests, and she liked what she saw. If they weren’t sitting and talking, they danced and talked even more, so much that their feet would have ached, but strangely enough, neither seemed to have noticed.

A song came on the record, and it was Jo Stafford’s I’ll Be Seeing You, and Audrey smiled at her voice.

“I’ll be seeing you, In all the old familiar places That this heart of mine embraces, All day through,”

“I love Jo Stafford,” Audrey whispered.

“We’d play her on the radio overseas,” he shared, “She reminds us so much of home.”

“In that small café, The park across the way, The children’s carousal, The chestnut tree, The wishing well,”

She rested her head against his chest, and she felt his cheek resting against the top of her head, holding each other as if they had known each other for months rather than hours.

“I’ll be seeing you, In every lovely summer’s day, In everything’s that’s light and gay, I’ll always think of you that way,”

Audrey closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, sage and lemon, and she felt so safe with him. It was a feeling she missed in the past year. Why did it feel so wonderful to be near him? Why does this man, David Friedkin, make her feel something no one else has made her feel?

“I’ll find you in the morning sun, And when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon, But I’ll be seeing you.”

“Excuse me? Excuse me?” A tap on his shoulder made David lift his head, which made Audrey look up to see the manager of the dance hall. “I’m sorry, but we have to close up.”

Looking around the place, she noticed that the only people in the place was her, David, the manager, and a janitor cleaning up. “Gee, we’re very sorry sir,” David kindly said.

“Not at all. Get yourselves home safely and good night,” he said before leaving them alone.

“I am so sorry,” David said to Audrey, “I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“That’s alright, I’ve had a wonderful time.” She didn’t want to give him up just yet, having enjoyed his company immensely.

“This might be a bit forward, but may I walk you home?”

“Yes, I’d like that very much,” she answered with a smile. After getting her coat and purse, they walked into the busy streets of Los Angeles at night. The entire walk back to her place, David had kept his hands to himself, the only time he touched her was to gently guide her to the inner sidewalk while he walked on the street side, just like a proper gentleman. “Have you ever been to Los Angeles before?”

“Yes, I had actually moved out here after graduating. I tried acting, but I felt better behind the camera, writing and directing. There’re so many stories to tell, and I want to be able to tell them. What about you?”

“I’ve only been here for a year, trying to act and dance for film, and I’ve had some success, by success I mean getting a paycheck, but not quite the rate I had expected.”

“It can be daunting, especially from a small city to a big one. But you should feel proud of yourself, you are doing what you want.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if I have enough talent for it. Not like you it seems; you want to tell stories and you’re smart enough to know how.”

She saw a blush come to his cheeks, genuinely being sweetly embarrassed at the compliment. He was so precious, despite him looking a classic leading man. He was so different, and she liked it. They arrived at her house, and she could see the light on, her mother, Viola, no doubt waiting up for her. “This is me,” she sighed, a little sad that they would part. “Thank you again for saving me.”

“You are very welcome. I am sorry that he had acted that way towards you.”

She shrugged. “I’m sort of used to it.”

His face fell and he shook his head. “That’s one of the saddest things I’ve heard.”

Audrey was taken aback by the comment; no one had ever said anything like that to her before, and it was a strange feeling of sorrow that it had happened before, but grateful that someone didn’t see her as someone who deserved it. “Thank you for that. But let us not end the evening on a sad note. I really enjoyed myself tonight, more than I have in a long while.”

“As have I. May I,” he started, looking a little shy, “May I see you again?”

She smiled, glad that he had finally asked. “Yes, I would like that.”

“Tomorrow?”

“It is tomorrow,” she replied with a smile, prompting them to laugh. “But yes, come at one, maybe you can show me some of the sights.”

“It’ll be my pleasure.” He reached for her hand and placed a gentle kiss to it, and promised to see her at one.

Her heart fluttered as he kissed her hand and she already missed his touch as he slipped to allow her to open her door, waiting until she was in before he slipped away into the early morning. She couldn’t believe that she was feeling this way, like a high school girl experiencing her first crush. Entering the den, she sees her mom sleeping on the couch, with her book on her lap. Kneeling before her, she carefully removed the book from her and covered her with a blanket, but her mom woke up. “Oh, Audrey.”

“I’m sorry for being so late.”

“Was everything alright?” she asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes awake.

“Yes, it was actually wonderful. I mean, it didn’t start off wonderful, I got manhandled like before, but this man, he came up and with ease and politeness, he rescued me. His name is David, he is in the Signal Corps, he flies planes, and we talked all night. He loves movies, just like me, he-haha- he said that he had seen the movie “Metropolis” ten times, and the ushers remembered him that they just waved him on. He’s coming around tomorrow, at one, I don’t know if I said that, and I really like him. It’s hard to explain, but when you spend five minutes with him, you just feel safe. I like him a lot, and I hope you will too. Well, I should get some rest. He’s coming tomorrow at one, did I mention that? Well, good night.”

Audrey didn’t see her mom staring after her with delightful surprise, and she had every right to be so. It didn’t seem that her daughter had much luck with the men in her life, and if this man is every bit of wonderful as Audrey said…oh, she hoped so.

David came promptly at one, and through the window, Viola watched as he offered his arm to her daughter, and walked off into the sunny day. He was handsome, but also kind, and she could see how her daughter looked at him. It was different from the others, and with a little prayer, Viola hoped that this one would be good for her. They never did around to seeing the sights, rather took the longest walk in the park, having been so lost in their talks.

David Friedkin was born in Kanas City, Missouri on March 8th, 1912, how he graduated high school at fifteen and got into Julliard, how he was part of the Signal Corps. He has a younger brother named Morris, who is a doctor, and his parents are Benjamin and Anna, Russian Jewish immigrants. “I feel I have to tell you that now, before we get any further. I know people are not exactly…tolerant to my kind of people, and I wouldn’t blame you if you thought that being associated with me could lead to troubles for you.”

Audrey was brought up a Christian life, and while she had never been raised to be prejudice against anyone, she understood why he would feel compelled to tell her as soon as possible. She had seen people treat the Jews with unwarranted hatred, some saying that Hitler had the right idea, and it was the most horrible thing she could have ever heard. “Thank you for telling me,” she said, “That way, if trouble comes, I’ll know how to handle it.”

He was surprised. “You don’t mind it? I mean, by being Jewish?”

“So long as you don’t mind me being Christian,” she replied which made them laugh.

Outwardly, they seemed as different as could be; he was Jewish, she was Christian, he was thirty-two, she was twenty-one, he came from a large city, hers was small, his parents were still married while hers was divorced, he was the oldest child, she was the youngest. And yet, despite these differences, great or small, there was something that pulled them together, similarities in the heart that pulled them together. He was as every bit of a simple boy just as she was a simple girl, they both seemed to have dreams of being in entertainment, they believed in equality for every person, regardless of gender or race.

David was different from any other man she knew; David was a gentleman, mature, open minded, but also creative and playful, and Audrey found she could listen to him talk all day. He was patient, someone who didn’t take risks if he knew the stakes were too high or the chances were slim, but he was also unafraid to work hard, never wavered his views or thoughts to appease others, something she admired deeply. But most importantly, a difference she found, that unlike other men, David listened. No man has ever made her feel as if she was truly heard or that her opinions mattered the way David did. She began to open more about her own thoughts and feelings, even if they were different or not polite, he liked to hear them, and rather than brush her feelings off as a “silly young girl”, he spoked to her like a person, and she realized that so few men had spoke to her like that. What girl wouldn’t fall for a fella like that?

For David, Audrey was a breath of fresh air, filled with hope and dreams. She never acted like a snob, not like some of the other girls he had met in Hollywood, rather she was grounded, remembered what was important in life, like family, love, and hope, things he felt he struggled to hold onto since the war. Audrey was a conundrum; she was young and full of live, but had a bit of a pessimistic view point on things, she claimed to not understand much of the world, and yet was one of the wisest and understanding people he knew, she was an incredibly hardworking and sensible person, and yet she had wonderful dreams and hopes of how bright the future could be. The other men in his squadron talked of their girls as if they were fantasies, but Audrey was a reality, and beautiful, human reality, and he was falling for her because of it.

Viola had yet to properly meet David, but considering that her daughter was seeing this man every day for nearly two weeks, it was clear that something serious was happening. Before going out, Audrey would get ready with an excitement that she had not had in a long time, and whenever she returned, she had a look about her like she stepped out from a wonderful dream. She once tried to question her daughter about her feelings, but Audrey just shrugged and said she wasn’t sure, but Viola knew better even if her daughter didn’t; she was in love.

It was true, they had spent every day together in the past two weeks, and it was clear that they not only enjoy each other’s company, but really liked and respected each other, which was why Audrey felt he deserved to know a part of her past she had not mentioned.

“I feel you should know; I was married before. I wish it was simple for me to say that I fell in love, married him, and lost him, but it wasn’t. His name was Lewis Hightower, we met when I moved to New York to start my career, and it was the first time I had ever fallen for anyone, and he was so charming. The honeymoon was the last time either of us were happy. The real work had begun and suddenly, we realized that neither of us really knew the other. I was too young to understand what real love had meant, that it takes two to make a marriage work, and that it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. Lewis wasn’t a bad man, far from it, it just that we didn’t belong together, even when we tried to work things out. Eventually we agreed to the annulment, then we separated, and sometime after, I begun to see another man, Arthur Lewis, I thought I loved him too.

“The last time I saw Lewis was a terrible day. I was out with Arthur and his friend, there was a celebration going on, and then Lewis arrived, tried to pull me away, and a fight broke out between the three. I berated Lewis after, telling him how I regretted being married to him, that I wish I’d never see him again and he better get me that annulment, and I did. The next time I heard of him, it was a telegram from the Army telling me he died in combat on September 2nd, 1943. I was in shock, even though we had just annulled our marriage, I was devastated. Lewis was a good man, and I wished that I could have loved him better than I did, even wished that I hadn’t married him, just so he could have been with a better woman who would have loved him as much as he needed to be loved, maybe give him a child to remember him by.

“I can’t help but to feel guilty that the last thing I ever told him what that I hated him and didn’t want to see him again. I tried to explain it to Arthur, but he couldn’t seem to understand why I’d be sorry for the man I had been separated from for a few years, and it became one of the few things that would become a riff in the relationship. He went to war around the same time as Lewis, and our visits became less and less, until we decided to end things once and for all. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were disappointed or what you thought of me was different than what I am.”

David had listened with openness and kindness, and never did she notice a look of reproach or betrayal in his eyes. Instead, he took her hand to kiss it, then said, “I suppose it’s time for me to fess up. I too was married. I was young, and she was a nice Jewish girl from my neighborhood, we were sort of matched up. While we liked each other, we didn’t love each other like a husband and wife ought to, and it was practically over as soon as it began, we didn’t even make it half way through our first year. So, despite what everyone had expected of us, we went ahead with a divorce, something my parents had been supportive of, and sometime later, she got to marry someone who could love her as she deserved. So, in regards to whether or not I could want a divorced woman, I would be a huge hypocrite if I said no. As for what happened when you last saw him, do not try to blame yourself too much. Was it kind what you said? No, but you were hurt, and I am sure that when given the chance, you’d have apologize to him. The fact that you still speak kindly of him speaks so much to me than what had happened in the past. Learn to forgive yourself, for I am sure he has.”

This is what Audrey liked about David, he was always so understanding and honest, but never harsh or unfeeling. “Thank you, it wasn’t easy for me to say all that, in fact, other than mom, no one out here knows my past. Thank you for understanding.” She smiled, then switched subjects. “Tomorrow is my birthday, my mom and I are celebrating with a dinner, and I would like it if you would come. Though, I’ll understand if you didn’t want to spend your last day like that, if there was something else you’d rather do.”

“I can’t think of anything better,” he answered with a smile. As he always did, he arrived right on time, a small gift in hand, and the warmest smile.

Viola was excited to finally met the young man who had been seeing her daughter for two weeks now, and Audrey was right, that within five minutes, you felt safe and comfortable with him. True, he was older than her, but he was still young and fit, not to mention quite handsome, and his intentions appeared to be honest. The dinner was a simple affair, but it was wonderful to David, who had not seen his own family in over a year, to feel at home and cared for, and Audrey, who hadn’t felt this happy in months, was certain this was the best birthday ever. Even made better, her mother seemed to really like David, hell, Audrey would dare to say loved him, already mothering him by the evening’s end.

“The cake is delicious Mrs. Westphal,” David complemented.

“Thank you, it’s a family recipe. Oh, Audrey, let’s do gifts.” Her mother had given her a knitted shawl that her mother made herself, and then David handed his gift, uncertain that she would like it.

It wasn’t wrapped, just a box with a bow on it, and when Audrey lifted the tiny lid, she was delighted by the little gift. True it wasn’t much, it wasn’t even complete, but it was beautiful; a little porcelain charm with a pink rose painted on it. “It’s beautiful, David,” she reassured him as he looked on uncertain, “It’s actually too good for me.”

“No, nothing could ever be too good for you,” he said, then color came to his cheeks realizing what he had said. Oh yes, Viola thought, this young man is perfect for her.

As the evening winded down, Viola showed him their photo album, and as she told the story of Audrey’s life, up to the present moment, David looked on in admiration at her growth, and when it was near the end, he stopped Viola at a photo. “Which picture is this?”

It was a picture of Audrey sitting at the kitchen table with a paper and a cup of coffee before her, smiling at the camera for an impromptu picture. “Oh, this is the morning after living in the house,” Viola shared.

“Which explains why I look like a mess,” Audrey explained with a small laugh.

True, she didn’t look at polish as she did now, wearing a gingham house dress, her hair not curled fashionably and no makeup on, but David couldn’t stop staring. “May I have this picture?”

“Really?” Audrey asked surprised, “I look terrible there, you wouldn’t want that.”

“Yes, I do. Because this is the most honest you, and this is the woman I want to carry with me overseas.” Tears pricked her eyes, for no man had ever said something as nice as that to her. He reached over and pulled the picture out from the album, placed a kiss to her image before tucking it safely in his wallet. Viola looked at Audrey with a knowing look, which made her daughter blush.

He thanked her and Viola before leaving the party, telling them that he had a wonderful time and grateful to spend the last evening before returning with such wonderful ladies. She asked to see him off at the station, wishing to be with him to the end, and the next morning when he met her at the station, he saw that his charm was hanging around her neck on a silver chain of her own, and he couldn’t help to feel a little proud. “Audrey,” he spoke, removing his hat before he spoke, “I know we only have known each other for two weeks, but, would it be alright if I wrote to you?”

“Oh yes, I would like that very much.” The train whistled, meaning it was time for him to go, but before he left, she reached up and placed a kiss to his cheek. “Good luck, David. I’ll be waiting for you to come back.”

He smiled, glad to hear her say that before he went on the train. While traveling, he went to work on his first letter, wanting it to be sent out as soon as possible. It was a surprise to Audrey to see the letter arriving sooner than she expected.

“Dear Audrey,

I have yet to be away from you for more than an hour, and yet, that hour feels so long ago, and I am already missing you. The past two weeks had been the happiest I’ve had in a long time, and having the memories of you will make fighting much more bearable. It was wonderful of you to see me off at the station, and to have your picture to remind me why I want to come home, it’s more than I can ever ask for. I don’t want to talk of war, not in this first letter, so I will not tell you of what I will come back to, but rather to think of what I will look forward to. I look forward to dancing with you again, to sit by the beach and listen to the waves and breath the salty sea air, to talk with you with all the little and big things we can think of. To understand you and have you understand me as no one else ever have or could ever do after. Give my love to your mother, and keep some for yourself too.

Waiting eagerly to hear you soon,

David”

“Dear David,

It was wonderful to see your letter come as soon as it did, for I would have been terribly concerned something would have happened to you. Mother sends her love back, and she says to remind you to take care of your feet. Even across the world, she can’t help to mother. I was glad to see you off, and it makes me happy that my picture brings some relief to what you must face in the days to come. The days here have gotten bleaker since you’ve left, sun is scarce in sunny California and I wonder if it must mean something. I still dance for the other soldiers, but I do not dance with them, for none of them have what you have, your charm, your ease, or your kindness. I must admit, I cried into my pillow the night you left, not because I had gotten used to being with you, but because I had realized after you left how much I’d miss you. I wish you’ll come home soon, that no harm comes to you, and that you’ll see your family again.

Your letter cannot come soon enough,

Audrey”

Between his own mother and Audrey’s letters, David never felt alone, but he did feel homesick for them both. He often thought of how, when the moment came, his parents would react to meeting Audrey. Would they welcome her as if she was always a part of the family, or would they be weary since she is not Jewish and an outsider? The evening was quiet, a rarity in the field, but they took it for what it was worth. David reached over for his bag and carefully pulled out the picture of Audrey, staring at it. He wondered what it would be like to wake up with her, see her sleepy face, her perfume on the pillow, sitting at that kitchen table with her and enjoying a quiet breakfast, just peacefully together.

“Who’s that?” David turned and saw his co-pilot sitting on the cot next to him.

“My girl, Audrey.” He handed it over to him, letting him see her better.

“She’s beautiful,” he said with a smile, returning the picture.

“She’s wonderful. Unlike anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Do you think it’s love?” he asked earnestly.

Love. It sounded so wonderful next to Audrey’s name. “Yes, I am sure of it.”

He was away for two months, and somehow, in those two months, the letters, which started off sweet and affectionate, became more loving and passionate. Its progression had been slow that neither had realized the change unless they looked back at their letters in the beginning and see how much they changed.

“Beloved David,

It’s become clear to everyone around me that there is someone special in my life, and you are indeed very special to me. No man has ever made me feel as safe, heard, and loved as you have. A solider today wore your cologne today and I was taken back to our dance, Jo Stafford playing, I resting my head on your chest, inhaling your scent, and never before did I feel as content with life as I had in that moment in your arms. I want to feel that way again, I am aching to hold you, to be held by you, and nothing less will satisfy my longing. I count my blessings that I met you when we did, that you had seen something in me worthy enough to visit again and again, that you could choose to share your love with me. I wish I were half as clever as you that I could express the way you make me happy, the dear and deep love I have for you, but all I can tell you is, I love you, love you, and nothing would make me happier than to see your smile again.

Mother has been wondering if you might be able to come home for Christmas, and for how long. I told her that you’d want to see your parents, but if perchance you’d have the time, stop by and let us take care of you for even a minute. I adore you, dearest.

Your Audrey”

“Darling Audrey,

Since our last meeting I have been agonizing over being away from you. I have worked to keep the sound of your voice, the scent of your perfume, and the touch of your hands and lips embedded on my brain. I wish more than anything, other than to be beside you, is to have you become a part of me, that I can carry you with me everywhere I go, so that whenever anyone sees me, they know that I am yours, forever and ever. War is hell, but my dreams are paradise, for I dream of you so often, that when I wake, I wake with a smile, ready to face another day. I wish you were kinder to yourself, my darling, for you are so much more than you think of you give yourself credit for. I’ll tell you what I love about you; I love that you care so much about others, that you work hard even when you think it feels hopeless. I love how open minded and grounded you are, your unshakeable faith that there is good and love in this world, it’s that I cling to during these times of hardship and fear. I could go on, but I am only allowed one sheet of paper, but suffice to say, I love all the little and big things about you, you entire.

I am grateful for Christmas as it will allow me to come back and see you again. We have been given leave for Christmas, so I’ll go and spend it with my folks, then come to you for New Years. I can’t wait to tell them all about you, for I know, they’ll love you as I do, though I doubt anyone could love you as much as I can and always will. You are my heart, my angel.

Yours, David”

When his company were let off, he chose to be dropped off at New York, as the travel back home was shorter than LA, and he couldn’t wait to see his parents again after not seeing them for nearly a year. His mother Anna had nearly toppled him as he walked up the path, squeezing him so closely to her that he felt moments where he couldn’t breathe, oh but he didn’t mind it. He cried tears of joy as his father, Benjamin, joined in the hug, as they were so happy to be reunited. His brother, Morris, wouldn’t be able to join them, but he had only been to the house a week earlier, so there was that. His home hadn’t changed since he had left, not just in looks, but in how warm and friendly it felt, and he was like a little boy, safe and love again.

“Moy syn,” began Anna, as she placed the warm plate before David, “Have you been keeping yourself well?”

“Yes, Mama, I’m alright.”

“Have you made any friends?”

David laughed, “Gee, it’s the oddest way to make friends, but yes, a few. Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about. About two months ago, I met someone.”

His parents looked at him hopefully. “A girl?” asked Benjamin.

“Yes, a girl. Her name is Audrey, I met her at a dance hall. She’s very nice, I’ve met her mother, and we had been writing since I left. She is not Jewish, but she doesn’t mind that I am. I’m sure if you met her, you’d see just how wonderful she is, and I am planning on seeing her for New Year’s.”

Anna had nodded, slightly disappointed she wasn’t Jewish, but she seeing how happy he was and how the last time they tried to interfere with his love life didn’t end well, she wouldn’t want to take away that happiness simply because of her religion. “What does she do?”

“She’s an actress, nothing big, but she makes enough money to take care of herself and her mother.”

“Had she been married before?” asked Benjamin.

“Yes, but it was annulled, and shortly after, he had died in service.”

“Poor thing,” Anna remarked kindly. “Do you have a picture of her?” David pulled out her picture from his wallet and handed it to her. Benjamin and Anna looked on the object of their son’s affections and saw an incredibly kind face, and could see why he could already appear so in love. “She seems very kind. I hope you two continue to be happy, and one lucky day, may meet her.”

“I hope so.”

He enjoyed the days he had with his parents, but when it was time for him to go to L.A. to see Audrey, his mind was filled with nothing else but her. The station was filled with people who were also eagerly waiting for their loved ones, and like a beacon in the darkness, David spotted Audrey among the crowd. The last time they met, they said goodbye with timid tenderness, but their reunion was fearlessly affectionate. Audrey nearly toppled him with how quickly she ran into his arms, and he dropped his bag on the ground to hold her, kissing her as if they had done this many times before.

When they pulled away, she could see his cheeks were red and a shy smile on his lips. “Gee, I wasn’t planning our first kiss to be like that.”

“Was it bad?” she asked, worried.

“No!” he quickly corrected himself, “Far from it. It was wonderful.”

Relieved, she brought him back home, where Viola happily welcomed him. “How were your parents, did you get to celebrate Hannukah?”

“Not exactly, since it was early this month, but we did do a few things in honor of.”

“Which reminds me,” Audrey said before disappearing into the kitchen and brought out a plate. “I borrowed the recipe, and thought it try to make you your late-keys.”

David smiled, trying to stifle a laugh. “Darling, do you mean latkes?” Audrey felt flustered at this, but he pulled her in and kissed her cheek, “That’s alright darling, I said it wrong for the first five years of my life,” then taking a bite out of one, he smiled and said, “And if it’s any consolation, your cooking is better than your pronunciation.”

Audrey smiled and was relieved that she got this batch right. She practiced the past few days, wanting to not only make something that reminded him of home, but to show she respected his religion and heritage. “How long shall we have you, David?” Viola asked.

“I go back on the day after New Year’s. And, I wanted to ask,” his attention turned to Audrey, “Many of the other soldiers were invited to a New Years Eve party, and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming along?”

Audrey would have loved to come, but she worried about leaving her mother home alone. “Oh, don’t worry about me. Me and Mrs. Harris next door will get together and drink sherry until we drop,” she laughed.

It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was filled with many soldiers and their dates who were just happy they had a reprieve from the fighting, a moment where they could forget they weren’t in the middle of a war but living a normal and happy life. “Recognize anyone from your troop?”

“Not really. But that’s alright, I want all my focus on you, the prettiest girl in the whole world.”

This is what made Audrey love him, not his compliments, but how sincere he was, and she really did feel like she was the prettiest girl in the world. “I love you,” she said, “I know I told you on paper, but I wanted to say the words for a while now. I love you, David Friedkin.”

He smiled and said, “And I love you, Audrey Westphal, every day since I met you, and every day after today.”

The MC stepped forward and started the countdown into the new year, and as the band played into 1945, friends hugged and wished each other a bright new year, couples shared their first kiss of the new year, and David and Audrey were among them. They only stopped when someone came by to give them champagne and waited as the MC raised a glass to the crowd, saying “A happy New Year to you all! May our soldiers come home safely, and this be the year we kick Hitler’s ass!”

The party went on into the early morning, with people only leaving at four am, and despite how tired they were, David and Audrey stayed up, enjoying what little time they had. “You look so worn, David,” Audrey fussed as the approached her home.

“It was worth it, didn’t want to lose a moment with you, darling.”

It was a decision she normally wouldn’t have made, under normal circumstances, but these weren’t normal circumstances. “Why don’t you come in? You can sleep in the guest room. I’d hate for you to stumble back tired and possibly hurt yourself because of it.” David wanted to argue, saying it wouldn’t be proper, but he was tired, and he didn’t want her worrying, so he accepted. “I’ll get the room ready for you,” Audrey said as they went inside, but he stopped her.

“Wait, sit with me for a while? I’m not ready to sleep yet.”

She smiled and led him to the couch in the living room, curling up against him as they heard the faint music playing outside. This was much like what David had wanted; his arms around her, her head resting on his chest, sitting together, passing time as if they had all the time in the world. This was happiness.

Viola slept into the late morning, passing her daughter’s room, and was surprised to not see her there. True, she was in bed before they arrived home, but Audrey couldn’t have already been up before her. Going down the stairs, she noticed David’s hat sitting on the table in the hallway, and upon closer examination, she found exactly where her daughter was. Sleeping soundly against her soldier, who held her as they slept on the small couch, which made his hang over to allow her room. It was a sight too tender to be disturbed, and carefully, Viola left the couple alone to get the much-needed sleep.

When they finally did wake, they were slow to proper awareness, but once they had, David was apologizing profusely to Mrs. Westphal for having stayed when he shouldn’t have, but she waved it off. “It’s New Years, everyone does something a little unusual the first day of the year. And besides, I was here the whole evening, no one would dare say anything against you two. Now, come on, eat some breakfast.”

He spent a quiet day with the Westphals, before going back to serve, and his heart broke to see Audrey so sad. “I’ll let you know as soon as I am able to get leave again.”

“It’s not fair,” Audrey softly protested, “You go away for months and are only allowed back for a brief time.”

“Darling, it’s war, and all’s fair in love and war. But it’ll be over soon, I feel it, and then with no war between us, all we’ll have is love. Let’s look to the future, that’s where we belong.”

David somehow always managed to make Audrey feel better, even when it all felt so lost. The letters they wrote to each other were the only things they had to look forward to.

“Beloved David,

It’s been an incredibly frustrating day. After spending all week auditioning for parts and working hard to learn dances and dialogue, and I got not a single role, not even in the background. Then I read about what is going on over there and have been a wreck to think you are so close to it. Mom and I got into a fight, it was over something silly, and I know I was a bit sensitive, but she knew I had a bad day, and her words were like twisting a knife deeper in me. I hadn’t come out of my room for the rest of the evening, just crying, wishing you were here. I can’t figure how you put up with me, when I can be so silly and mean. I wish I could be as calm and patient like you, I wish I knew how to think first then act after rather the other way around. But I wish people would stop treating me like I don’t know anything, stop making me feel like I’m incapable of understanding anything. I am a lot smarter than people think, and I understand more than they believe. No one knows that, it appears, except you. I need you with me, I feel so alone despite being with so many people. God, I hate war.

I know I am not the only one who has a loved one away fighting, and I know everyone tells me that I need to buck up and be proud of my soldier, but I am too busy being scared for you that I can’t allow myself to be proud. I am proud of you, incredibly so, but I’d be the happiest woman if you had left and stayed with me, safe and sound. Forgive me for dumping all of this on you, you deserve to hear only good things from me, so let me change the topic.

I love you so much, my dear. Mom gave me a picture of us asleep on the couch, and I have it by my bed, and I remember how it felt to be in your arms, and I fall asleep much easier with you on my mind. The girls are a little jealous of me, saying I got the best fella a girl could ask, and I couldn’t agree more. They talk about how handsome you are, and indeed they are right, but you are even more wonderful underneath all that. Your eyes are as warm and inviting as your heart, your lips are lovely and kind as your soul, your hands gentle and strong as your spirit, when you smile everyone can’t help but to stare, and when you laugh, it’s the best music in the world. There must be a God or something greater out there, because you are proof that perfection exists, and it’s a miracle that you entered my life to bless me with it.

Write to me as soon as you can, I need to know you are well.

Love, Audrey.”

David cried to see how unhappy she was, read her letter carefully, over and over, before he wrote down the words he could think of to comfort her.

“Darling Audrey,

My poor darling girl, I am so sorry that you had a terrible day, and more than anything I wish I was there to comfort you. I am sure your mother didn’t mean to upset you or to make you unhappy, she loves you, it is very clear to see, she’s as human as I am and you are. Don’t be too hard about your own way to express yourself; I’ve seen some people who have no passion or feeling for anything in this world, or worse, they stifle it so much that they kill it, and have no love for anything or anyone at all. I love that you feel as much as you do, I love that, for better or for worse, your heart is on your sleeve, and I am sorry that people have underestimated you, because you are talented, bright, and wonderful, and they clearly don’t know the good thing they’ve got.

I am sorry that people brush aside your fears and pain. We are told the same over here. “Buck up, soldiers, no good moping over our past.” But it’s hard to not mourn a period in our lives where the biggest thing we had to worry was whether or not to pay the bills on time, or will we get that job, or will my crush like me back. Everyday we sit so close to death it’s hard to not try and think of life, to cling to the reasons why we’d want to stay alive, and what would happen to our loved ones if we didn’t come back. We may be soldiers, but we are human first, and we are as scared and lonely as anyone else, not machines that can turn our feelings on and off. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep and I think too much on what I am missing out, I can’t help but to cry. As Charlotte Bronte wrote, ‘Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive’. Feel as much as you want darling, for you live and love that way.

I admit when I read your last paragraph, I blushed to think you saw me like that. What have I ever done to be lucky to be loved by you, darling? The other day, the fellas were talking about their sweethearts and wives, and I had to talk about you. Gee, I found I could have talked about you for hours, tell the world just how much I love you, and convince them that there was no greater girl in the world than you. I only stopped because we were commanded to get suited up, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about you. Got a nice frame for your picture and now, whenever I go up in the skies, I place it on my dashboard so I can see you all the time, and then in the evenings, I fall asleep looking at you. Yes, my darling, I believe there must be a higher power up there, because happiness and love like this don’t just happen on accident, they are meant to be.

Remember to keep me in your prayers, and I promise to see you soon.

Love, David.”

January is a cold and bitter month, and the letters were slow to reach everyone, making it an agonizingly longer than it needed to be. Lives were lost because of the cold, because it was darker and the snow made it harder to see, good men David was friendly with were now gone, so few letters coming through made it even lonelier than ever before. The only thing that kept him sane was the picture of Audrey, the reminder that this was what was waiting for him. Look to the future, he had to remind himself, your Audrey is waiting for you there.

February fared better as hints of spring were coming, and the letters came more freely now. For Valentine’s day, Audrey sent the most adorable valentine with a puppy on it, crying as she rips a page off the calendar and sees its Valentine’s day. ‘Missin’ You on Valentine’s Day, I miss you just so doggone much- I feel so sad, so doggone blue’ and inside read, ‘I just can’t help but sorta hope you’re just a little lonesome too!’ Handwritten at the bottom was a small note that read ‘I feel this way every day you are away, but more so this day! I love you, Audrey.”

He smiled, placing it inside his box, his treasure chest as he called it, of all the letters and gifts that Audrey sent to him, pulling it out whenever he needed to be reminded of her. He sent her a gift that he found while a day’s leave in the city, a gift Audrey found remarkable. It was a small wooden box, a moon engraved at the top and a small crank on the side, and attached was a note that read “I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you. I love you, David.” When she cranked the box, tears immediately came to her eyes as she heard their song playing.

They hoped David would have been given leave for his birthday, but sadly he had to spend it away from home, but he still received such nice gifts from his loved ones. His parents sent him a scarf his mother made, and three bars of soap, which may not have seemed a great gift, but compared to the soap the army gave the men, this was a luxury that they missed. Mrs. Westphal made socks, and Audrey sent over a book, one that he once said was missing from his collection, "For Whom the Bells Tolls". It had caused quite a stir and many people had it banned, which made finding it difficult, but not for Audrey it seemed. Her card attached was hand written and said

“Beloved David,

I hope your birthday over there is a happy one, and know how much we all over here are missing you terribly. I hope the book finds you in one piece, for it was a hardship to find it, had to search high and low for it, but it will be worth it for you to add to your collection. I can’t wait until you come back to me, to lay down at the beach, hear your lovely heart beating, your wonderful voice reading to me. I love to hear you speak, my dear, there is not greater sound to me in the world than your voice. Stay safe, know that I love you always, and miss you forever.

Love, Audrey.”

He smiled and wiped his eyes; to think she worked so hard to find this book, that she didn’t give up the first or second tries. She wanted him to have it, because he knew how important it was to him. He then went to writing to his mother, he had a very important request to make of her.

He came back home on March 22rd, warmly greeted by his love, and as eager as he was to be with her, he was eager to go back to his apartment, to see if he got the letter he needed. Audrey felt bad that she had a new role, mainly because it took time away from him, but he told her that they would have plenty of time together, as he was promised two weeks off. Neither of them could have expected for David to receive orders two days later that he was to return back on April 2nd at noon. It was a blow to David, as he had hoped to plan something wonderful for Audrey, something deserving of her, but as it would appear, he would have to make due with what he had.

With bad news come swiftly good news, as the long-awaited letter from his mother came, and David hurried over to the Westphal home. He waited until Viola came to the door, her face smeared with flour and her hair a little untidy.

“Oh, David,” she wiped her hands on her apron, “Audrey isn’t home yet, I thought that I told you she’d be home at 4?”

“Yes, you did. But I wanted to come by early, that is,” he removed his hat and fiddled with it, “Ma’am I wanted to talk to you, before Audrey came home. To ask you something.”

Viola barely contained her excitement, certain it meant what she thought, and she happily accepted David in. A half hour later, Audrey came home, calling out to her mom. “Mom,” she said as Viola came through the living room door, “I am going to change and freshen up before David arrives.”

“He’s here already.”

“Oh no, and I look like a mess,” she complained as she looked in the mirror.

“No, not at all my dear. You look lovely. Go on, he’s been waiting for you.” Audrey didn’t see the barely contained tears of joy in her mother’s eyes or the huge smile as she went into the living room.

David looked a bit nervous but always so happy to see her. “Hello, Audrey, I am sorry that I am a bit early.”

“It’s alright. I am just sorry that I don’t look my best.”

“You look beautiful, no matter what you do.”

She smiled and blushed, feeling like a girl again. “Please sit.” She noticed that he was fiddling with his hat, looking a bit nervous. “Is everything alright?”

“Well, no, but maybe yes?”

“What?” she laughed.

“I had received news that I have to go back a little earlier than I was expected.”

Her smile went away. “When?”

“This Monday coming up, I have to be at the station at noon.”

“Oh,” she couldn’t hide her disappointment. “I had hoped we had more time.”

“So had I. I received a letter from my mother today, she asked after you.”

“That was kind of her, I hope she is well.”

“She is, and actually she sent me something that I would like you to see.” He pulled out an envelope, handing it to her. She could see that something was inside, and when she poured the contents in her hand, she saw a beautiful ring, with a simple gold band and a lovely round diamond. “I know it’s nothing extravagant, nothing like what you deserve, but if you would have me, I’d do everything I can to make myself worthy of your love.” Taking her hand as he went to his knees before her, he asked, “Audrey Lorraine Westphall, would you marry me?”

She couldn’t believe it, this wonderful man who she felt she didn’t deserve, believed he was undeserving of her. “Oh David,” she started, and for a moment, he had felt certain that she was going to say no, “You have it backwards, it’s me that doesn’t deserve you, and I will happily do everything I can to be deserving of you.”

“Is, is that a ‘yes’?”

“Yes,” she answered, tears of joy springing to her eyes, “Of course I’ll marry you.”

David himself couldn’t stop his own overflowing emotions and his eyes watered with joy as he leaned into her to kiss her. “I know this isn’t exactly what you would have imagined this, but-”

She stopped him before he could go on. “It was perfect. In the end, I have the most wonderful man in love with me, that is as perfect as I could hope.”

“I am sorry that I can’t give you a church wedding,” he says, referring to his Jewish religion, “You deserved a beautiful long white dress and choir boys and such.”

“I had that already, David, it isn’t it’s all cracked up to be. All I could ask for you is you.”

Viola had burst through the door when she was called, tears falling down her face and her smile so wide it had to hurt her face, but she wouldn’t have cared. Her little girl was going to marry a wonderful man, and she was certain this would be a much happier marriage. They agreed to a courthouse wedding, as it was best for their religious backgrounds, and it was agreed upon Saturday, so that they may have the weekend together. Wartime marriages were happening often, though compared to the start of the war, it had slowed down, but finding a spot was still difficult, though not impossible. There had been concerns that couples were marrying simply because it sounded glamorous and romantic, but no one would have had to worry about David or Audrey, it was clear that this was as honest as the day is long.

Saturday came and as Audrey was getting ready, she was given a small bouquet of red tulips with baby’s breath, sent by David. They were simply beautiful, and he told her in those flowers how much he loved her. “Audrey dear, we have ten minutes before we have to go,” called her mother through the door.

“Alright, I am almost ready.” She was nearly going to add make-up, but then she remembered the picture that David chose to take with him overseas, the one she didn’t think she looked that good, but he loved anyway, because it shows the true Audrey. When she married Lewis, she put on quite a bit of make-up in hopes to appear older, but she didn’t need that now, all she wanted to be was herself, and so, she left her face bare, allowing her natural beauty to shine, and after doing up her hair, she went down and drove to the courthouse with her mother.

David was waiting inside, watching the time, he had been so scared of possibly being late that he arrived an hour early. It was ten minutes before their time when he saw her walk through the door. There may have been many brides that have come before her, but there would never be one that was as beautiful as her; she wore no make-up, and yet looked so radiant and outshone all the other women in the place, she had her hair done up in curls, and he could see she took a few of the baby’s breath to pin in her hair, and her dress was a simple satin ivory dress with flutter sleeves and a pink fabric rose in the middle of the neckline.

He looked so handsome in his uniform, and for a moment, she forgot that she would only have him for a weekend, and just enjoyed the day of her marrying the man she knew she was meant to be with. “You look beautiful,” he softly complimented, as she approached.

“And you look so handsome. Thank you for the flowers, they are lovely.”

They were called in to the courtroom, and arm in arm, they walked in as Audrey Westphal and David Friedkin, and in a short time, they left as Mr. and Mrs. Friedkin. The ceremony was simple, and yet, it was as wonderful as she could have hoped, because David was looking at her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and he the luckiest man. It was wonderful because her mother was beaming with joy and love, rather than concern and mild happiness. It was wonderful because rather than feeling nervous and deluded into believing she knew love, she was excited and knew that there is no man in the world who more perfect for her than David.

The trio went out for lunch at a diner David had suggested, and compared to her first reception, she liked this one much better. They agreed that when the war was over, they would have a proper reception with friends and more of their family, but for now, they were happy as they were. Afterwards, David brought her to his apartment, the one he had before joining the army, and after showing his landlady the marriage certificate, he led her to the door, and carried her over the threshold.

It wasn’t anything big, but it was neat and perfect for a young man, or rather now, a newly married couple, to live in. “I know it’s not much,” he said apologetically, removing his hat, “It’s not fancy or swanky, but it’s private, and has everything we could want.”

Audrey placed a quick kiss to his lips to stop him and smiled. “It’s perfect, David, really. Because it has you, and that’s all I want this weekend.”

He tossed his hat aside and leaned down to kiss her. “I love you so much, Mrs. Friedkin.”

She smiled at the new name. “And I love you, Mr. Friedkin.”

They didn’t leave their room that entire weekend, they wanted to block out the entire world, forget that there was a war that was going to pull them apart on Monday, and just loved each other as if there was never going to be a chance to love each other ever again. But came that dreaded Monday morning, and despite everything inside them begging to stay, they knew they couldn’t be selfish. They were quiet as they dressed and walked through the hall and down the stairs, his arm wrapped around her waist, while she clung to him. The sight was heartbreaking, everyone who saw them knew just what was going to happen, but all they could do was wish the soldier well, and silently prayed that he’d return for his wife.

The station was filled with soldiers and their loved ones, everyone looking miserable, but Audrey swore they were the most miserable. Viola had waited at the station, wanting to see him off and to be there for her daughter. After wishing him a safe journey, she stepped away, letting the couple enjoy their last moments together. Audrey was trying to keep it together, but it wasn’t until now that it suddenly came pouring out.

“I’m sorry,” she said, crying.

“No, go ahead,” David softly spoke, pulling her into a hug, “You go ahead and cry.”

“Would it offend you if I prayed for you in church?”

He chuckled, “No, it wouldn’t. In fact, I’ll take all the help I can get.” She chuckled at that, and for a moment they just held each other in silence. “Audrey,” he spoke, suddenly remembering and pulled from his pocket a key and gave it to her, “This is the key to the apartment, I already told my landlady that you have the key. Please feel free to go there as much as you want.”

She looked at the key in her hand and was touched that he trusted her with his space, that he even wanted her to invade it. “I’ll take care of it while you’re gone, so when you come back, it’ll be ready for you.” Then, cradling his face in her hands, she said, “Promise me that you’ll come back. Please, promise me.”

David didn’t want to make such a hefty promise, fearful that in doing so and something happening, he couldn’t bear the thought that he broke his promise. But seeing her tears, how much she needed to hear him say it, he knew that his promise would make her happy. “I promise, come hell or highwater, I will come back to you.”

Audrey knew that it was a difficult promise to keep, war took so many people away, no matter how smart, strong, or brave you were. But, she thought that if he made the promise, he’d have another reason to fight harder to stay alive, and therefore come back to her. The train whistle broke the air and Audrey quickly clung to him, wanting to hold him once more, and then they kissed desperately as if they feared that this would be their last.

“All aboard!”

David reluctantly pulled away from her, knowing he had to go, but he was comforted to see his mother-in-law beside his wife, she wouldn’t be alone, and it made letting her go easier. Audrey and Viola stayed until the train was gone from their sights, when they could no longer hear the whistle, and it was then Audrey suddenly broke down in her mother’s arms. “He’ll come back,” Viola whispered, rubbing comforting circles on her daughter's back, “I know he will. He’s strong, he’s smart, and he loves you so much. He’ll come back.”

Audrey knew her mother was right, David was strong and smart, and he loved her too much, but that didn’t always guarantee a safe return, but for the time being, it was the faith that she clung to. Every Sunday, she went to church and lit a candle for David, praying for a long time that David would come home, and her faith was always renewed whenever she got his letters. They always when expected, even across the sea he was punctual.

There was a time when it looked as though David wouldn’t have been able to make it to Audrey. A mission went awry, and despite the caution they took, lives were lost, and many were injured, including David. A shrapnel got into his rib, and he was rushed to the infirmary, and after over an hour of work, the shrapnel was out, and he barely made it out alive. He would have to be on bedrest for a week, and then ready to get back to fighting, but it was a close call. He watched as others were brought in to be cared for, and the few others who were to be returned home in coffins.

“Hey,” came the voice of Gale Cleven, whom others had called Buck, his superior and who had been in the plane with him many times before. “How are ya feeling?”

“Like I had a shrapnel in my ribs,” he joked, which made Gale laugh. Humor was the only way to get through some of the worst days, better to laugh than to cry, they said. “How many did we lose?”

“At the moment? Six, but we don’t know until everyone has been checked.” He then reached into his pocket and handed him something. “I grabbed this before they took the plane in, figured you wanted this back.”

Taking it, David saw that it was his framed picture of Audrey at the table, and he remembered how he placed it on the dashboard, and he was grateful it didn’t get destroyed or fell out of the plane. “Thank you. I would have been upset to lose this.”

“Your girl?”

David smiled and shook his head. “My wife. We got married before I was shipped off, married to the most wonderful gal in the world.” Gale smiled; true he would have thought his girl, Marge, was the most wonderful girl in the world, but he was not going to tell another man that, and isn’t each girl the most wonderful girl in the world to someone?

“What’s her name?”

“Audrey. It may be something a lot of guys say, but when I tell you I knew from the moment I saw her, I really did. She became my whole world, and there’s nothing I want more than to get back to her.”

“You will, I know you will.”

He smiled; he was intent on keeping his promise, come hell or highwater, he would come back to Audrey. Since he would have nothing but time on his hands, he decided to write to Audrey, telling her of the most recent accident. It wasn’t what she had expected, in fact, she had been comfortable in the idea that David seemed almost indestructible, and this letter was a harsh reminder he was only human.

“How is he?”

Audrey’s face fell. “He’s injured. Shrapnel to the rib, but he’s says he’s alright, just needs to rest for a week.”

Viola crossed herself. “Thank God he is alright.”

“Am I terrible for wishing that it was bad enough that they would have had him sent home permanently?”

Viola shook her head, her eyes tender with empathy. “No, I am sure everyone who loves a soldier wishes for that. What else does he say?”

Audrey scanned through, and her cheeks grew warm. “Um, the rest is a bit personal. But he is well.” Later that evening, when Audrey stayed at his apartment, she re-read the letter, drinking in his words.

As I am lying here, I can’t help but think constantly of you; of how sad you looked when we were separated and how desperately it broke my heart. And then I think of your smiles when we were married and during our small honeymoon, and it makes me work harder to get back to you quicker. I can’t tell you how much I miss you, especially in the evenings, when I wish I was nowhere but in your arms. How eagerly I wait to be back to you, to kiss you, your sweet lips, your lovely neck, your pretty breasts. I could never forget the beautiful look on your face when you reached ecstasy and the wonderful sounds you made, they are burned in my brain forever and I hope to return to you and help make those beautiful faces and sounds again. There’s nothing more I could want now than to shower you in my love, to stop being a lieutenant and be a lover to you. Pray that I may come home soon, otherwise the fellas are not going to be happy with what I’m going to do in my bunk.

Audrey chuckled at that last line, but she completely understood the sentiment. Curling herself in the bed they shared, remembering those wonderful moments where they made love, talked, and laughed, and silently admired each other. It was in those quiet moments in the evening when she had nothing but time to think, did her emotions go all over, from joyful that she married him, to melancholy that he was far away, that she was grateful sleep eventually took hold of her where she could dream of him, and the work day help to keep her mind off of her troubles. Continuing to help out at the canteen was both a blessing and a curse for her. She would see other soldiers with their ladies, and she envied them while she could only wonder if her soldier was safe, a nightly curse. The blessing came in disguises, like this night, when a major from his group was given leave and spotted her.

Across the room, Gale saw a woman that he was certain he knew. “She looks familiar,” he noted to a fellow soldier, hoping he might know where Gale saw her from.

“She’s beautiful,” commented his friend. “Dibbs.” Gale tried to stop him, but the soldier went to her, making Gale follow. “Excuse me, miss. Would you like to dance?”

“No, thank you,” she replied nicely.

“Forgive me,” Gale stepped in, “You look familiar to me.”

She smirked, “If that isn’t one of the cheesiest pick-ups I have ever heard.”

“No, I swear it isn’t.”

“If he doesn’t want to pick you up, I do,” the other soldier said, trying to pull her in for a dance.

“I said no,” she spoke more firmly, stepping back, “My dances are saved for my husband.”

“And where is this great husband of yours?”

“He’s fighting overseas. He’s a great and brave man,” she added with tenderness.

“Who is your husband?” Gale asked, now eager to know if he has met this man.

“First lieutenant David Friedkin of the 100th bomb group, Signals Corps,” she answered with pride.

Gale snapped his fingers and exclaimed, “Audrey!” Audrey looked at him surprised. “Yes, you were wearing a gingham dress, the coffee and newspaper on the table, and you were sitting at the table, like this,” he mimicked her position, making Audrey stare in wonder.

“You know David? When did you last see him? Was he well?” It had been two months since she had seen him and she was eager to know anything she could from one who just came from him. Gale had informed her that he saw him last before he went over here, and said he was well, she listened with eagerness as he told stories of what he did overseas, and how he arrived back proudly telling anyone he could that he married the most wonderful girl in the world. The idea that he would do that made her blush, but also feel prideful that he talked about her in such a way. “Would you do something for me?” She removed something from her neck, explaining, “I forgot to give it to him before he left, and I want him to have it now.” She placed a kiss to the pendent before offering it to Gale.

Gale was a bit romantic, and taking out his handkerchief, he had her place it inside. “This way, not only is it safe, but that it is only touched by you and him.”

“Thank you. And give him a message from me.” The message though short, was one she knew he’d understand, and was the truth.

Gale took his duty seriously and as soon as he had landed back to base, he made it his mission to find David. “Friedkin,” he called, finding him with the other men, “I have something for you.”

“Aww, a little token?” teased Eagan, making the men laugh.

“Something like that,” Gale spoke seriously, pulling out his small bundle, handing it to David. Curious, David opened the handkerchief, and saw inside was a silver pendant of the archangel Michael, protector of soldiers. “We saw your wife, she was sorry she didn’t give it to you before you left, but she wanted you to have it now. And she wanted me to tell you something, she said, ‘I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you’.”

David smiled and his heart tugged at the message. He hung the pendant around his neck and looking at the angel, he placed a kiss to it, unaware of Audrey’s action. “Didn’t I tell you she was the most wonderful gal ever?”

“Yes,” Gale nodded, smiling, “She really is.”

Later when writing his letter, David thanked her for the pendant, certain it would help him through the coming months. He told her how he heard he was going to get leave again soon, and they both were eager for the visit. Sadly, an attack on the base had changed those plans, and once again, they had to go without seeing each other.

June, July, August, all unbearable months, with only letters to sustain them, promises of being able to see each other again, but broken as the war grew to a breaking point. At times, his letters were scarce, and when he put pen to paper again, they were long and wonderful letters apologizing for the delay, but his hope that it was ending soon. Audrey prayed every night before bed, even when to church each morning hoping David would come home soon. Everyone was waiting for a miracle.

The miracle came when she was home with her mother, listening to Tommy Dorsey when a broadcast interrupted them. “And now an important word from General MacArthur.”

“My fellow countrymen, today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. A great victory has been won.”

“Mom! Come quick!” Viola rushed from the kitchen to hear the rest of his speech, confirming once and for all, the war was over.

“And so, my fellow countrymen, today I report to you that your sons and daughters have served you well and faithfully with the calm, deliberate, determined fighting spirit of the American soldier and sailor based upon a tradition of historical trait, as against the fanaticism of an enemy supported only by mythological fiction. Their spiritual strength and power has brought us through to victory. They are homeward bound - take care of them.”

Tears blinded Audrey’s eyes as she wept with joy. “David’s coming home.”

A few days later she received a letter from David, and she smiled to see the happy tears on his paper.

“Darling Audrey,

I get to come home to you! It felt like I almost wouldn’t, but we all knew this couldn’t last forever, and we are all excited to get back to you all. It may take a little while, my darling, as we all are trying to leave as soon as possible, but I hear that the bombing troops will be one of the firsts to go, as we are not needed. We hope to be back home a week after today and I am more than ready to leave behind the title of lieutenant and be simply Mr. Friedkin, husband to Audrey. I love you, my darling angel, wait for me, I will be home soon.

Yours always,

David”

The letter was dated on the 2nd, which meant he would be home on the 9th, so she did everything she could to make the apartment clean and homey. She even got red tulips and had them sitting on the kitchen table. It had been the most relaxed she had felt in a long time, now that she knew the danger was gone, and he was coming home safely to her.

The day of the ninth, she dressed herself in the dress she wore when they first met, and waited, from the earliest train at dawn to the latest at dusk. He didn’t show. Strange, he usually is on time. It happens, her mother explained, so many soldiers are returning, they can’t always come back the first day. Audrey continued to wait, day after day, until it was a week, and now panic started to fill her. What if something happened to him between his last letter and now? Was he hurt somewhere, and no one knew what happened to him? Why won’t anyone tell her where David was?

She stayed at his apartment, wanting to be as close to him as possible, even grabbing one of his shirts, inhaling the cologne that still lingered on, wishing it was the real man. Her worry and crying made her feel so unwell that she remained in his bed for an entire day. It had now been a week and a half, and still no word from David, and she began to fear the worst. If David was gone, truly gone, she wouldn’t want to continue on anymore, for life would have no meaning without him.

“Audrey!” A faint voice called for her, and she wondered if it was just her imagination, but the voice grew louder and clearer. “Audrey!”

She sat up in the bed, her heart beating furiously. Could it really be him? Audrey was pulled back into reality, hurried to the door, and saw David, his face bruised and cut, but he was here, all in one piece. She jumped into his arms as he entered, dropping his bags in the doorway, and he held her so tightly she swore she would be bruised later, but she didn’t care. “I’m here, I’m here,” he whispered over and over, holding her close, inhaling her perfume.

“David, you’re back. Thank you, God,” she praised, closing the door behind them.

He had carried her to the bed, their kisses deep and desperate, and as she unbuttoned his shirt, she saw hanging around his neck her pendant, and she had felt certain that it had a hand in bringing him back to her. Later, as they laid in bed, holding each other, pressing little kisses to their faces, Audrey looked at his bruised face and torso. Whatever happened over there, she was certain she nearly lost him, but for whatever reason God choose to give them mercy, and he was here, alive in her arms. “Never leave me again,” she spoke softly.

“I promise,” he spoke, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “I’ll never leave you again. Only death will take me away from you.” He kissed her on the lips, and once again, they celebrated his return in the most intimate way possible.

Viola got to see the couple a week later, though she wasn’t surprised and allowed the couple the time they needed together. His face looked better, she thought, as he had stopped by the house first looking for Audrey, but when she shared that she was at the apartment, he left immediately to see his wife. Now, they could have a life together, and Viola was no longer worried about her daughter’s future.

The whole of America was celebrating the end of the war, many people were welcoming back their loved ones, but many were mourning too, and Audrey would never take for granted just how lucky she was. One evening, nearly a month after he came home, Audrey woke to find him not in bed, and after stepping out of the bedroom, she found him at the kitchen table, his face in his hands. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he looked up at her with tired, sad eyes. He said nothing as he pulled her into his lap and held her close. She held onto him, her head resting on top of his, not saying anything, just letting him go through whatever it was he was feeling.

“They’re never coming back,” he at last whispered, his voice broke. “All those men, brothers, sons, lovers, friends to someone, who will never see them again. Why did some of us and not all of us come back?”

She ran her hand through his hair and sighed. “I wish I could give a life altering answer, but all that I can say is the truth. Some people are just luckier than others, and no matter how much we try, whether in war, love, or life, things work out better for others. But you can’t sit here and say you were undeserving than the other. They were good men, they fought for something they believed in, and the world will always remember that. There’s a reason for you to be here, for your parents, your brother, for me,” she smiled then added, “And for our baby.”

David looked up at her, the tiredness and sorrow was lifted and there was hope in his eyes. “Baby?”

She smiled wide and nodded her head. “I found out yesterday. You’re going to be a dad, David.”

At this, David began to cry, but he was smiling, pressing kisses to her face, and murmured ‘thank yous’ whether it was to Audrey or to God, she wasn’t sure, but she knew that he would be the greatest father ever.

With this new development, David had arranged for the pair to travel back to Kansas City to meet his parents, and if all went well, to share the news with them. Audrey was nervous about finally meeting her in-laws, worried that they wouldn’t approve of his choice of bride once they finally met her. But as soon as they walked in, David’s mother, after hugging her son, then went to hug her new daughter-in-law. “Moya doch, welcome to the family,” Anna warmly said, taking her hand and bringing her into the living room. She talked Audrey’s ear off about David as a child, showing pictures and his old stories, of which he reddened with embarrassment, discrediting them as “awful stories”, but Anna knew that there was talent there, and Audrey whole heartedly agreed with her. She in turn showed the few pictures from their wedding, gifting the photobook as she had made doubles for his parents.

After being asked to help her in the kitchen, Audrey felt a little nervous of being alone with the mother, worried something unpleasant would come about, but after a comforting squeeze on her hand and a look of total adoration form David, she felt confident in going in alone.

“We’re nearly done, just need to stir that up, and I’ll check on the meat.” Audrey did as she was told, humming to herself unawares, and then out of the blue, Anna commented softly, “Gee, you are so young.” Audrey stopped, looking at her, revealing no feeling. Anna realized what she said and felt flustered. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean it to sound rude or anything.”

“It wasn’t,” Audrey kindly answered, “It’s a fact.”

“It’s just, you see, David told us so much about you, except that you were younger. Not that I think it’s odd or anything, back home, girls your age would be married to much, much older men.”

Audrey looked down at the pot and said, “I know I am young, but the way I figured it, Mrs. Friedkin, in the five years before meeting your son, I had to do a lot of maturing and had a rather pessimistic view on life which made me older, and your son has such a natural good cheer and love of life that it makes him younger. So, we’re closer to being 25 and 27.” The math made both ladies chuckle, and Audrey looked at her mother-in-law. “And besides, I think it does a girl good to marry someone a little older than her. Girls tend to mature quicker than boys, though, I don’t think it has anything to do with nature, just girls are more put upon in this world. But all the same, whether he is 33 or 63, I’d love your son no matter what, because no one has understood me, the best and worsts parts, and not just still love me for it, but loved me because of it. I promise, I won’t break his heart, I’d rather think it a crime against humanity to do so.”

Anna relaxed and smiled, reaching to affectionately touch Audrey’s shoulder. “Thank you, my dear. One day, when you have a son of your own, you’ll understand the protectiveness of a mother. And I am glad that he found you, and that you found him.” They worked to finish the dinner in comfortable silence before bringing it out to the table.

As they sat down to dinner, Audrey found that Benjamin was much quieter than his wife, but no less warm and kind. “How has settling in after the war been?”

“It has its moments, but having someone there to help you,” he explained as he held Audrey’s hand, “Makes it a whole lot easier.”

“Still living in that apartment? Seems a little small for you two.”

“We are looking, actually,” Audrey added, “There’s some really nice houses, and we are hoping to find one before winter.”

“That’s smart,” Benjamin approved, “And you’ve gotten back to work?”

“Not yet, but I have a few offers. I met a real nice guy, Morton Fine, we seem to get along well and are thinking about writing together.” It was odd to Audrey how much Benjamin seemed to be deeply concerned about whether or not David was earning enough money, but he later explained that since his parents came over with hardly anything at all, the idea their children would have enough money to live comfortably was a sign that their children were happy.

“Well, I would like to make a toast.” Benjamin stood and held his glass out. “I wish to thank HaShem for returning our boy, safe and sound, for bringing an end to a terrible war, and for bringing us a daughter. Admittedly, we weren’t sure what to think of you,” Benjamin paused when he saw Anna’s expression. “It’s true, don’t deny it. When he first told us about you, we saw just how much he was in love with you, and we worried that the difference in religion would be a factor, but every concern we could have gone away once you walked in. There is just something there between you two that is hard to express. It’s just love, pure and simple, and sometimes, that’s all that is needed. Many blessings on you both, l’chaim!”

Anna and David repeated the sentiment, and Audrey managed well enough, though her pronouncement could have been a bit better. David looked at Audrey, and seeing the question in his eyes, she smiled and nodded. “There is something we have to tell you,” David called for attention. “I am glad you like Audrey, because, well, we’re going to have a baby.”

Anna jumped from her seat, exclaiming joyfully in Russian as she went to hug her daughter-in-law. Benjamin looked ecstatic, which the most expression she had seen from him, and he even gave a blessing in Hebrew to the couple and the new baby.

Life felt like it was healing itself, for Audrey and David moved into their new home just in time for the holiday season, and on May 23, 1946, their first son Gregory was born. As soon as he had looked at his son, David remembered what Audrey said, how he was here for his family, was meant to be a father, and he would always be grateful for being given a second chance of a life.

Audrey had worked on a few more movies before deciding it was not for her. Sure, her bit parts were steady and got money, but after nearly losing David and now having a child, she wanted to spend all her time with her boys. David made sure it was what she wanted, and he supported her choice, and did what he could to make sure that he could give his family everything they needed or wanted. Now the war was over, David committed himself to his work in writing and directing, working with that fellow he met, Morton Fine, first in radio then moving to television. Proving himself to be brilliant at it, and he had a good and steady career, even being nominated for six Emmys, a wonderful achievement. They would have another son, Anthony in 1949, and life could not seem to get better than this.

If being too happy is a sin, then in 1976, they were paying for it. Cancer was never something either of them had expected, but the doctor found the tumor, and it was certain that he would die from it. It was horrible to hear this, to lose the best man in the world, to not be able to grow old together and see their boys have their own families, to see him grow white hair and wrinkles and be called grandpa. It was just not fair, but rather than wallow in the sorrow, Audrey did everything she could to take care of him, make sure he was comfortable and happy in the last months of his life, she wanted to be with him as much as she could.

It was a cool autumn day, the world seemed so peaceful, and she and David decided to have a picnic in their backyard, a perfect scene with autumn leaves falling and cool breeze brushing against them. After eating, he laid his head on her lap, his now frail hand holding on to hers, speaking not a word for a few minutes. “It’s so beautiful today,” he softly said.

“Yes, a perfect autumn day.”

“You know, when I first saw you, there was something inside me that told me go to you, and if I didn’t, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I didn’t understand why at first, but by the end of the night, I knew. I was meant to fall in love with you.”

Audrey smiled and leaned down to kiss him on the lips, her hair tickled his cheek. “I am forever grateful you walked into that canteen.”

“So am I.”

She held him in her arms, running her hands through his hair, humming the familiar song they danced to many times, watching as he fell asleep and then the sound of his breathing slowed, until it stopped. At first, Audrey couldn’t believe it, he can’t really be gone, and for almost an hour, she held him, not ready to let him go. Eventually, she did have to let him go, and with a kiss to his lips, and hoped that he went as peaceful as he looked. She was lucky to have had thirty-one years with him, but she had hoped to have reached fifty, to have seen him grow into an old man, see his grandchildren, but it seemed it would not be. October 15th, 1976 was the worst day of her life, a half of her died that day.

She hated to be seen as his widow, someone once tried to call David her late husband, she could only reply, “David is not my late husband, he is my husband, and he always will be.” It was true the day he died, and it was true twenty-three later. In 1999, she had seen how the world had changed, her boys were now grown with their own families and successful in their careers, and she could sit there and say she was content with how her life turned out. In the past year, Audrey put her Jo Stafford records on every night, and when she slept, she’d dream of her David. One night in early February, she felt more tired than she had before, but put on her favorite dress, the perfume she wore she was young, and rested in her chair as Jo Stafford’s voice soothed her. The beautiful notes swam through the air, and she was transported back to that night in 1944, where she met David.

“I’ll be seeing you, In all the old familiar places, That this heart of mine embraces, All day through”

She remembered the strong but comforting scent of David, the lemon and sage, the way she felt safe and loved in his arms, the way the world fell away for a moment that day.

“In that small café, The park across the way, “The children’s carousal, The chestnut tree, The wishing well,”

“Audrey.” She lifted her head and saw standing before her was David, dressed in his uniform, looking as he did the first time she met him.

“David? What are you doing here?”

“Our song is on, and I came to ask the prettiest girl to dance,” he explained as he held his hand out.

“I’ll be seeing you, In every lovely summer’s day, In everything’s that’s light and gay, I’ll always think of you that way,”

Audrey reached out and was surprised to see her old, wrinkled hand had turned young and smooth, and when she stood, her joints didn’t ache, but that she stood with ease. She saw herself in the mirror and was surprised to see herself young again, wearing the same dress she wore the night she met him. Turning around, she saw herself as an old woman seemingly asleep in the chair. “David? What is happening?”

“You were there for me to the end, so I figured I would be here for you.”

“I’m a little scared, David.”

“Don’t worry,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her, “We’re together now, everything will be alright.”

As he danced with her, Audrey saw the bedroom they shared for years turned into the dance hall where they were all alone, dancing together. Fear disappeared when she looked into his beautiful blue eyes. She was with her husband again, and as he promised all those years ago, they would be together, always.

“I’ll find you in the morning sun, And when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon, But I’ll be seeing you.”

Tagging: @freddycarterus @purpleyin @bcofl0ve @any-corrie @kylaym @zaened @turtleofdamascus @swanimagines @shiranai-atsune

#freddy carter #masters of the air #david friedkin #danielle rose russell #audrey westphal #fanfiction

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snaillamp · 10 months ago

Text

Clash of the Bison Men

“Shit!” Roman hissed, watching the car disappear into the mist. “FUCK!” He yelled, slamming the wheel of the car, panting angrily as he drove back to town. With his spare hand, he grabbed the two-way, pressing the button in hard and his fingernail cut the silicone. “This is Rankin, I lost the car… Returning to the station.” Shae turned to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault Ro… He headed into Buffalo Head, you weren’t going to catch him once hit the forest…” Roman inhaled angrily, “But I had to catch them, Shae! I had to… Dammit!” He punched the wheel, the horn sounding loudly in the forest.

The two cops trudged back into the office. “Hmm.” Miranda greeted them. “Good try Roman. Better luck next time.” All three cops looked grim. They had been trying to find those traffickers for months, and finally had a lead… and Roman had lost them. “You two, first thing tomorrow, go to the Buffalo Head office, talk to Tom and see if he has any motion camera traps. If we can’t tail them, we’re gonna need Tom’s help finding them. He knows that park like the back of his hand.” Miranda looked serious. “We will get these guys. Now go home, get some sleep, y’all look like shit.”

Roman exhaled, walking out the door and slamming it shut. He was pissed. He wanted to get these guys. He had to!

“Ready big guy?” Shae asked, patting Roman’s shoulder. “Phew, you stink, man. You go to the gym or something?” Roman nodded, his hair messy as he ran a hand over it. It was shaved to the skin on both sides, the top longer. Usually, it was neat, slicked back, Miranda was hard on them to look good, to reflect the professionalism she expected. But today, the strands of hair were dangling down, hair in his eyes as he swooped it to the side. He looked liked he hadn’t slept all night.

He looked dead.

He grunted in reply, shoving the car into gear and driving off into town. Buffalo Head was a small town in northern Montana that Shae had moved to after her fiancé had got a job in the mine nearby. It was a sleepy, quaint town, surrounded by mountains and forests, along with the great Buffalo Head National Park. It was a famously beautiful park full of lots of hiking trails and rock climbing activities, and apparently also human traffickers…

Pulling up, the two officers trudged into the office, walking up a ridiculous amount of stairs to get the the reception. “Jesus…” Shae panted. The young officer was new to town, had only been around a few months, she had yet to experience the grand staircase of the old town hall turned Buffalo Head National Park Headquarters.

A young girl looked up from her desk, greeting the two officers. “Roman.” She smiled, standing up. “What can do you two for?” Roman sighed, rubbing his face. “Hey, Case… Tom ‘round?”

The young girl, Casey shook her head. “Long service leave. Cam’s in charge, I’ll get him!” She smiled cheerfully, whirling around to go get ‘Cam’.

Shae waited in interest as she watched Roman shuffle awkwardly, sniffing his boot on the ground. He all of a sudden looked a little timid, as he cleared his throat nervously.

Casey returned with a guy, tall, Asian and honestly, kinda cute, at least to Shae. He had cute curtain bangs, like a K-pop idol she liked. He was smiling brightly until he locked eyes with Roman. The smile disappeared in seconds, replaced with a dark scowl.

“What do you want?” He spat, walking up to Roman, his chest puffed up. The ranger was at least a head taller than Shae’s partner, who was decently tall, at least by her short standards, but this guy must be what… 6’2, maybe even ‘3? Roman met Cam’s eyes and puffed up his own chest.

“Cameron.”

“Roman.” The tension in the air was tense as the two men stared each other down, only for Roman to break first. Cameron leaned back, crossing his arms, seemingly satisfied with his win. “Can we go to your office? This is official business, on behalf of Sheriff Weston.” Roman spoke quickly, clenching his jaw as Cameron inhaled, making his already big chest bigger. “Fine.” He indicated with his head, letting the two deputies follow him.

The tall man walked into an office, sitting behind a large, honestly quite grand oak desk, folding his hands over themselves and tilting his head, waiting expectantly. “Uh…” Shae began, not knowing how to navigate the tension in the room. She had seen Roman angry before, he was always angry, but it was only now he seemed to have met his match. “So…. I’m Deputy Shae Mackroe, and I take it you know my partner Deputy Rankin…” She trailed off awkwardly as both men shot her a glance.

“Um. So! We are doing an investigation, on umm… some suspects… who we tracked into Buffalo Head last night. Ummm….” She sighed, the staring from both guys was starting to really get to her. Steeling herself, she swallowed, putting her face into serious cop mode and stepping toward the desk. “We need to know two things, m’kay? One, where is the best place to hide in that park, and second, do you happen to have any motion camera traps that we can check, see if we can track them?” She smiled politely at the ranger, who leaned back in his chair, thinking. “What road?”

“Uhhhh…” Shae looked to Roman. “The dirt one?” Cameron made a strange face, like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “They’re all dirt roads…” He pointed out, looking to Roman. “The one heading toward Glacier Pass.” The second cop added, as Cameron nodded, logging into his computer.

“Redfeather road…. Let me see what I can find…” He mumbled, logging into his computer. Despite the tension with Roman, he seemed to be cooperating quite well. “Yeah, there’s like two… I’ll check ‘em for you, email the results over.” Shae excitedly pulled out her card, handing it to the ranger and thanking him, Roman mumbling a thank you as well and earning a cold glare from Cameron.

As they left the building, Shae looked up at Roman, who seemed to be in even worse of a mood. “What was that about?” She asked, curiosity dripping in her voice as they slid back into the car. “Nothing.” Roman answered quickly, turning on the car and revving the engine loudly as Shae opened her mouth to ask another question. She got the message, smirking to herself all the way back to the station.

Cameron stalked back to his office, sighing as he went through the mountains of pictures. The cameras were triggered when anything moved in front of it, and the last few days had been pretty windy, so there was plenty of random grass pictures, and one of a lynx, which was good. Eventually, he copied the images all into an email, trying to send them to Deputy Mackroe, only for a message to pop up.

This file is too large. Please select a smaller size.

Cameron groaned, his head slowly sinking to the desk. He head butted it gently, moaning in annoyance, before finding a spare USB stick and copying all the files onto it. As he walked into the office, Casey looked up, curious. “Hey Cam! So I was wondering what that was about. You and that cop were toe to toe, it looked like you were going to rip his head off!” She giggled a little. Inhaling deeply, Cameron rolled his eyes.

“He’s just a cop, and like every other cop, he’s got a massive ego and superiority complex, and I… don't like cops.” He finished, as he walked from the office, beginning the slog down the stairs to his car. He was gonna go to Rose’s bakery first, get a pastry and iced coffee, then deliver the USB. It could wait, his gaffing cravings couldn’t.

Roman was pacing the office, waiting for the email to arrive anxiously. “Has he sent it yet?” He asked again. Shae sat back in her chair, exasperated. “Roman, I woulda’ told you if it came. The answer is the same as when you asked 2 minutes ago.” Roman huffed again, this time leaning against the wall of the office, puffing up his chest and crossing his arms. Shae rolled her eyes, a classic Roman Rankin ‘tantrum’. She hadn't been working with him long, but was becoming well acquainted with them.

Instead of throwing a fit, the deputy would get all huffy and grouchy- well grouchier than normal and usually end up shadow boxing or doing pushups. Shae supposed that was a better way to get energy out than punching a hole in the wall, pushing over a filing cabinet, or something, but behind those big, brown eyes was a very cranky boy.

“Has it-” Roman began, as Cameron walked into the station. “What are you doing here?” Roman snapped immediately. Cameron raised his eyebrows slowly, raising his hand, USB in full view, as he slowly began turning around. “Well I was gonna give you this USB, but if you don’t want it…”

He began walking through the door, only for Roman to shout, “Wait!” and grab his wrist. Both men looked down at the connection, confused. They stood frozen for a second, glancing up and making brief eye contact with each other, before quickly breaking it again, awkwardly jumping apart. “Uh, I mean, umm… I do want the files.” Roman stammered, Cameron raising an eyebrow with a smirk. “You do want the files, hmm?” Roman nodded, holding his hand out for them. “Yes.”

Cameron’s smirk only grew, “You want the files… What?” Roman frowned, “Umm, now.” He insisted, hand still waiting for the USB. Cameron made an expectant face, waiting for him to clue in, but Roman just lunged for the USB instead. However, the taller man raised his arm, holding it just out of Roman’s reach. “What do you saaaay?” Cameron teased meanly.

Roman scowled, looking down and mumbling a plea. “Please can the USB…” Cameron cupped his ear, leaning toward Roman. “What?” Roman went red. “Please, give me the USB Cameron…” He asked, Cameron finally relenting and giving him the USB. “Hope it helps your investigation, Cowboy.” Roman’s jaw tightened at the demeaning nickname, his cheeks going a slight shade of pink. He looked at the USB in his hand as Shae began to chuckle. “What?” Roman grunted, pushing past Shae and going to the laptop.

“That was cute.” She teased, ruffling Roman’s hair, much to his chagrin. “Shae…” He whined, annoyed. “I like him.” She continued, “He’s funny.” Roman blushed again, thinking about how he’d grabbed Cameron’s wrist… he had felt something… strange shift in him. It was nothing. Just… stress.

“Awww, you’re bluuuuuushing!” Shae teased. Roman ignored her, plugging in the USB and opening it, only to yell, slamming the desk. “SON OF A BITCH!”

Shae stopped her teasing and grimaced slightly. Cam had given them every single picture of the last week, thousands of photos, mostly that of waving grass. “Roman!” Miranda snapped at him from her office, pointing at the chair. “What the hell are you doing?! Grow up and do your job!” Roman deflated, looking at the ground, cheeks burning as he muttered, “Yes ma’am, sorry ma’am.”

The rest of the day, they trawled through photo after photo until Shae jumped up, squealing. “What…” Roman mumbled, rubbing his dry eyes. “LOOK!” Shae ripped Roman from his seat before he could react. He yelped, tumbling to the ground, before grabbing Shae’s desk and pulling himself up with a grunt. “What?” He sighed, watching as Shae pointed at a blurry grey image. A large blade of grass had set the camera off, but in the the corner of the picture, there was a car. The car.

“Holy fuckin’ shit…” Roman breathed. “Where is that camera, it doesn’t look like it’s that close to the road?” Shae shrugged, “We’ll have to ask Cam,” she sighed as she glanced at her watch. “Uhhh, tomorrow… He’d be asleep. It’s 11:30 pm, Ro.”Roman sighed, yawning and nodding. “Yeah… See ya tomorrow.” The two officers left the office, but Roman was anxious. He looked out into the night as he drove home, careful for deer and maybe even someone jumping out into the road, looking for help… or for trouble.

Stumbling into his small, shitty apartment, he staggered around in the dark, not bothering with the light switch. He got read for bed, brushing his teeth and showering, but as he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, he thought about the poor people that were being trafficked. He was making progress finding them, but it wasn’t fast enough… He wasn’t good enough… Grabbing his phone, he looked at it, groaning in annoyance.

3:15 am

He just couldn’t sleep.

Instead, he decided to occupy his mind, thinking about Cam and how to get back at him tomorrow, when they both went in to ask him where the trap was. He could saunter in, tough and macho… No… That wouldn’t work.

Maybe he could comment on the ranger’s appearance. How fluffy his hair looked, or how goofy his big smile was.

How it lit up his face, a sunshine smile…

And how warm and soft his skin was and his wrist fitted in Roman’s hand weirdly well…

Groaning at how dumb and stupid and annoying Cameron was, Roman shook his head, clearing his strange, sleep deprived thoughts and rolled onto his front, smooshing his face into the pillow. Eventually he fell asleep, his mind vaguely dreaming about tracking human traffickers and hiking through the forest… Cam wasn’t even there. Why would he be? Roman couldn’t stand him. ‘Wait, am I thinking while I dream?’

A loud blaring, grating beep went off, waking Roman who moaned pathetically. He didn't want to get out of bed, he was tired ad it was so warm and soft and comfy… Peeling open his eyes, he sighed… Time for fucking work…

Cameron yawned as his alarm went off, easing out of bed and going to the kitchen. Cady was there, making him breakfast already. She had decided to move in after the storm, helping the ranger while he recovered from his leg injury and got the house fixed. She had basically adopted him after that, doting on him like a mother would, and it made Cameron happy.

The older woman placed a massive plate of cheesy, scrambled eggs in front of the young man, who beamed and began to dig in hungrily. After breakfast, he rushed around the house, getting ready. “Cady? Have you seen a uniform shirt?” He yelled from his bedroom. The ranger had torn apart his cupboard looking for it, and was now running around like a shirtless chicken with its’ head cut off trying to find it. Cady yelled from the bathroom, “Lounge room Cam! I ironed them all yesterday, they were all crinkled!”

Smirking, Cameron walked to the lounge room, finding a pile of neatly folded clothes, and his uniform. “Thanks Cady!” He yelled back, shrugging it on and buttoning it quickly.

Soon he was driving down the long, scenic road, admiring the trees and the way the sunlight danced through them… The morning was perfect. He smiled happily as he pulled into a spot next to Rose’s cafe, walking in and seeing a slightly dishevelled looking Deputy Roman Rankin. He was hunched over the counter, waiting for his coffee, looking honestly… terrible.

Cameron’s smile faltered a bit. Sure, he wasn’t a fan of the guy, but… seeing him like this made Cameron concerned. Roman had always looked after his appearance, the fact this case was getting to him so hard was making Cameron uncomfortable, he didn’t want the guy getting hurt, especially if he started running around his national park looking for mysterious cars.

Nodding politely, Cameron brushed past Roman, who had just been handed his coffee. He thanked the woman behind the counter, Rose, and stalked out. “What’s his problem?” Rose muttered, equally concerned. Cameron shrugged, as he held out his reusable travel mug. “Honestly, even if I did care, I’d have no idea.” He sighed, “One medium iced latte, Miss Rose, and the usual.” Rose nodded, making the drink, rattling off the local gossip to Cameron, who laughed, accepting the cup back and paying.

“I assume I’m keeping the change?” She asked, as Cameron nodded, smiling brightly again. “Have a beautiful day, my lovely!” The woman replied, waving as Cameron left the store.

By the time he got to the office, Roman and his partner, Shae were already there, waiting in his office. Roman looked slightly more awake, and seemingly slicked his hair back, his shirt now a bit more neatly tucked in and 5 o’clock shadow shaved away. He must have been roused on by his boss, who was famous around town for keeping her officers looking spick and span.

“Morn’ officer! Roman.” Cameron greeted Shae cheerfully, before flatly acknowledging the other officer’s existence. He finished his coffee, waving them into his office and sitting down. “So, what can I do ya for?” Roman placed a printed picture on his desk. “We need to know where this camera is.”

Cameron squinted, picking it up and looking. “Uhhhh, hang on do you have the file name? I can’t tell and the printing blew it up and stuff, it's all grainy.” Shae nodded, pulling out her note pad, before muttering, “See, I told you.” through gritted teeth. Roman however, had his eyes fixed of Cameron, or rather the buttons on his shirt. He smirked, snorting slightly.

“What?” Cameron asked, his face looking annoyed at the officer’s rudeness. “Your buttons aren’t done right.” Roman pointed out coldly. Looking down, Cameron nodded. “Huh, you’re right.” Cameron cackled inwardly as he leaned back in his chair and he pulled his shirt out from his belt, unbuttoning the buttons until his hands were half way up his torso. He reached the misplaced button, fixing it and re-doing them all again, slowly. Cameron glanced up at Roman, who looked away, slightly embarrassed. ‘Has all that rock climbing has finally paid off? Do I finally have a better six-pack than Roman fucking Rankin?’ Cameron gloated in his mind.

When they had been in high school together, Roman had been adored by all the girls. He had started working out regularly from about the age of 15, rapidly gaining muscle and bragging to his friends about how good his six-pack, muscle mass and BMI was.

Of course, it was all just teenage vanity, now the cop seemed to use his bulk as an intimidation tactic, more so than in high school, and because he was a cop, that was never a good sign. ‘Cops and power go together like water and oil…’ Cameron mused, as he continued his train of thought.

Cameron had been a little string bean in high school, but after he joined the Parks Service, he had quickly gained muscle hiking and started rock climbing on weekends with friends. He even occasionally saw Roman at the gym, even though they deliberately avoided each other where they could.

Cameron did have to admit, Roman had put in a lot of effort into his physique and it looked… good. The fact that he seemed, maybe not emasculated, but at least intimidated by Cameron’s own muscle building attempt made him feel veeeeery good about himself. It was amazing how much vanity was a fantastic work out motivator.

“Uhh, Camera A7-AH-TR.” Shae piped up, breaking Cameron’s thoughts. Nodding, Cameron sighed. “Yeah, okay… Hey, look, that’s off the road a little, pretty much bush land, there’s nothing out there, except an ancient, disused fire trail.” The two officers glanced at each other as Roman nodded. “Well,” Shae began, pointing at the image. “We caught our little suspects going off-roading then.” Cameron looked at the image closer, noticing the blurry car in the picture. It was an old, boxy, white car, like something from the 80’s or something…

“Well, you’re in luck.” Cameron piped up.

“I was going to go up there today, check on the cameras anyway, wanna hitch a ride?” He looked and spoke only to Shae, ignoring Roman’s presence in the room entirely. “You can come in my car. It’ll be a bit less… obvious. And no offence… but you’d drive through that delicate ecosystem… like a cop.” Cameron smiled politely.

“Yeah sounds great!” Shae piped up, looking excited. “Cool, I’ll see you in an hour. And uhh… bring guns and bear spray. There’s Grizzlies ‘round right now, and they’re hungry.”

“Why did you say yes to him?!” Roman snapped at Shae as they got into their car and drove back to the police station. Shae huffed, pulling over. “Okay.” She turned to the deputy.

“What the hell happened between you two? You looked like you both wanted to feed each other to the damn bears!” Roman scowled, folding his arms over his stomach and slouching.

“We went to high school together. Didn’t get along.” Shae raised her eye brows, scoffing. “Oh come on, Roman! You’re lying to a fucking cop, I can sniff out bullshit a mile away! What happened?!” She pleaded.

She was annoyed by the attitude the two men were giving each other, but more of her was just greedily fishing for gossip. “It’s nothing important.” Roman grunted. “Keep driving.”

Shae rolled her eyes, ‘Men.’ she thought. “Hey, maybe you should ask him what he’s mad about, hmm? Fix the relationship?” Roman scoffed. “Shae, there was never a relationship to fix. Besides, what’s done is done and can’t be undone. I don’t even care about it!” Shae shook her head. ‘Yeah, you do, dumbass…’

Shae parked in front of the police station, turning excitedly to Roman, who was gazing out the window. “Right, time to suit up, pardner!” She finger gunned at her colleague, with a bad Southern accent. “Oh shut up.” Roman smirked, shoving her gently to get out of the car.

As he left he thought about Cameron again. That son of a bitch had some how managed to worm his way out of Roman’s honestly pathetic bullying attempt, and he’d gotten ripped... But what freaked Roman out more was the slight tingle in his stomach that he’d felt when he glimpsed Cameron’s naked torso… It was nothing. Just, jealousy because now that fucking skinny dude was on par with him. HIM! Roman FUCKING Rankin! The high school Quarterback. The state champ for athletics. The LAW ENFORCER!

Groaning in annoyance at how Cameron had some how invaded his mind again, Roman went inside, ignoring the slight, ever so tiny tingle of a faint blush dancing over his cheeks…

“Ready Cowboy?” Cameron asked, glancing over at Roman, who had taken the passenger seat beside him. “Don't call me that.” He replied, unimpressed.

Shae looked ecstatic as they set off, looking out the window in awe. “Wow… This is so different to Chicago…” She breathed, looking at the wide open plains and tall mountains in the distance. “Yeah… It’s amazing, huh?” Cameron replied. Roman ignored them, staring out the window instead.

“So why is it called Buffalo Head National Park?” Shae inquired a while later, looking between the seats at Cameron, who’s eyes lit up. “Ahhh, you see….” He began mysteriously.

“It looks like a buffalo head.” Roman muttered flatly, interrupting Cameron.

“Well, that, my friend, is the common misconception.” Roman shot a glare at Cameron, who smiled back, eyes now more… venomous looking. “It’s actually called that because the Blackfoot used to harvest the bison around here. They’d take the heads up there for special ceremonies. Not that they really do that anymore.”

He glanced at Roman, who continued to glare out the window. “Wild bison are hard to find unless you track the herds. At least in Buffalo Head they have a safe place to live normal lives.” Cameron finished, pulling off the main road onto a dirt road. They had been driving though the public part of Buffalo Head for a while, so turning off onto the dirt road was a good sign.

After driving for a while longer, Cameron pulled off onto some grass. He turned to Shae, ignoring Roman and announcing happily, “We’re here! Feel free to trudge around in the grass. Just be careful, we’ve found some bear traps out here recently. I think we’ve got them all, but just be cautious.”

The two cops nodded, as Cameron disappeared off into the grass, doing whatever he was going to do. Roman and Shae began looking for clues, examining tire tracks and rocks, before wandering off down the road to find more clues.

Meanwhile, Cameron was happily wandering through the trees, listening to the birds and examining camera traps. He also checked on the Bald Eagle nest. They had been building it for a few weeks and he was excited to see how many eggs they were going to hatch. Suddenly a stick snapped behind him.

Cameron’s hand instinctively went to the gun on his belt, but when he turned around, all he saw was Roman and Shae, picking their way through the grass. “Hey, so do you know where anyone out here would be able to… say… hide?” Shae chirped, as Cameron frowned. ‘Now what makes you want to know that…?’ His mind flickered as he thought. “Uhhh, there’s some old caves around these parts, why?” The cops looked at each other and then nodded.

“Just wondering.” Roman mumbled.

“Could you show us?” Shae asked again, smiling sweetly. “Sure. I’m just about done here. We’ll have to drive up to Arrowhead trail and then hike though. Shouldn’t take more than… 30 minutes.” Everyone nodded, piling back into the car. “Thanks for showing us all this stuff Cam, you’ve been so helpful.” Shae said as she slid in behind the ranger.

Roman rolled his eyes, of course she was buttering him up. “No problem.” Cameron replied, though he seemed to be a bit short with her now too. He knew they were hiding something. He was glancing over at Roman, who had gone back to grouching out the window.

“I’d rather I drive out here, the roads are narrow and wildlife is everywhere… And no offence, but I don't want you hitting any Black-footed Ferrets or Porcupines. We’ve been working hard to keep them uhh… 3D…” Cameron laughed at his terrible joke.

He wasn’t trying to break the noticeable tension, but he was definitely using humour to cope with his situation. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere with Roman Rankin was bad enough, but now it seemed like they weren’t gonna leave, and the last thing he wanted was them to find evidence that would lead to cops trampling over his brand new pine saplings.

Pulling off onto Arrowhead Trail, they made their way down the steep and rocky terrain, Cameron navigating expertly behind the wheel before he pulled off again. “Welp, this is as far as the car can go, we’re gonna have to do the rest on foot.” He smirked, he was pleased that the cops were going to have to navigate Arrowhead Trail, the trail notorious for it’s steep, rocky terrain.

Looking around while he waited for the deputies to get out of the car, he noticed some squashed grass by the side of the road. “Huh… That’s weird…” He mumbled under his breath. “What’s weird.” Roman asked, shutting the car door quietly. Cameron pointed at the grass, clearly from a car.

“That’s not supposed to be there. Someone is driving off the track. Not only are they damaging the land, this area is dangerous, they shouldn’t be driving off the trails like that. They could go over a cliff edge.”

Roman and Shae looked at each other, sharing a knowing glance. “Let’s check it out.” Roman began, starting to stride into the grass.

“Woooooaaah, hold your horses, Cowboy.” Cameron grabbed Roman’s shoulder. The grip was strong and… kind of nice? Roman shook his head, turning to face the ranger. “What?” He asked, annoyed at the name calling.

Cameron sighed. ‘Typical cop.’ He thought as he grabbed a bag from the back of the car. “First aid kit, flares, map, compass.” He shrugged the pack on. It was an over the shoulder bag, there was probably only a few bandages, a couple of flares, a cheap compass and tiny map inside, but hey, Cam was confident he knew where he was going.

“Well, lead the way, Cowboy.” Roman grimaced at the nickname again.

They hiked through the brush, down into a valley, following the tracks for a while, until they came to a large huckleberry bush. The large SUV had been driven into it, masking it from sight, with large branches, shrubs and leaves stacked against it to hide it more. But it wasn’t any old vehicle… It was the car… The one they had been chasing.

“Motherfuckers…” Cameron sighed in annoyance, as he stepped towards the car. “Wait.” Roman stopped him. “That’s what we’ve been looking for. Don’t contaminate the scene.” Cameron scowled. “Oh, so now you’re concerned about collecting evidence.” He scoffed and walked over to a large rock, examining it, before looking up into the ridges around them.

He couldn’t see much, but he took a deep breath as the two officers carefully picked their way around the car, taking photos and picking up evidence in little bags. It was all packed away very quickly, before Cameron could see.

He was growing more and more worried about what they were looking for… Were criminals living in the park? Were they hiding something? Money? Drugs? Something even worse? “So what is it you guys are even looking for anyway?” Cameron asked before he could stop himself. Shae looked to Roman, who glanced up from his phone, reciting a robotic answer. “It’s a classified case. I can't disclose any information.”

Cameron shrugged. He expected that. “Okay, well let me know when you wanna head back… I’ll just sit here… staring at the ground.” Cameron mumbled. He didn’t end up staring at the ground, that was interesting sure, all the different minerals in the soil and plant species growing at his feet, but he wanted something more… interesting. He watched Roman work, really taking a good look at him for the first time.

He was good looking, hair slicked back and face clean shaven, sharp jawline… the face he made when he was concentrating was kind of cute, his eyebrows would move closer together slightly, and he pouted his bottom lip just a tiny bit. He must have been working out more, because his arms and legs were definitely bigger than a couple years ago. A lot of the guys out here did sport on their days off, gym work outs and rock climbing, though Cameron hadn’t ever seen Roman at the rock climbs he did.

Cameron smirked as he glanced at the officer’s butt. It was... nice. ‘Eww, you think Roman Rankin has a nice ass… Get a grip Cam.’ He scolded himself half-heartedly. It was kinda funny to check out people he didn’t like. People he didn’t like could still be… sorta nice to take in…

Cameron liked people watching on a good day, it was interesting and you could learn a lot about a person by how they looked, and Roman clearly cared about his appearance, both his aesthetic appearance and physique. Glancing over at Shae, Cameron looked at her too. She was quite pretty, short, mousey brown hair tied back in a little stub of a pony tail. She had a cute little freckle or mole or something under her left eye, and under her sleeve, a tattoo. Cameron couldn’t tell what it was, but it looked like come kind of word.

The other thing about her that was obvious, was that she obviously liked jewellery. She had lots of holes in her ears for earrings she obviously couldn’t wear at work, and a few ring tans. She even had a little engagement ring on. ‘Aww, that’s cute.’ Cameron smiled, going back to Roman.

A tiny strand of hair had unstuck itself from the copious amount of hair gel holding his black hair back. It curled a little, the end brushing his right eyebrow, which had a little slit that Roman had defintely shaved himself. His fingers absentmindedly tucked it away, and a slight tingle went down Cameron’s spine. The way his fingers had been so gentle, tucking away the hair… It was hard to believe that that hard, brash, loud, obnoxious, angry, impatient prick could be so soft and…

“Hey, we’re pretty much done here.” Roman sighed, standing up. Cameron blinked, coming back to reality. “Okay, cool… Uhhh, wanna go check out the caves?” Roman and Shae both thought it over, before Roman nodded.

“Sure. Plenty of daylight left in the day, right?” Cameron nodded, beckoning them back up the hills and to the car, before leading them off into the trees on a tiny, barely visible trail.

After walking in the heat of the day for an hour, Roman and Shae both stopped, panting. Cameron was a little sweaty, but he was fine otherwise. “Aww, come on guys, nearly there.” He teased, Roman shooting him a glare. “Aww, brighten up Cowboy.” Cameron teased again, as Roman bristled. “Tell you what, there’s a stream down the ways, you can both go get a drink and-”

Shots rang out, bullets whizzing by Cameron’s head by less than a millimetre. Instinctively, Roman launched himself at the ranger, tackling him to the ground with a grunt, Shae diving out of the way into a bush as the bangs echoed around them.

After they stopped, everyone lay still and quiet for a moment, paralysed with fear. Cameron could feel Roman’s pounding heart in his chest, and he was sure the cop could feel his too. After a second, the deputy shifted, pushing off Cameron a little, their noses almost touching.

“You okay?” He asked, swallowing as he panted. His voice was low and growling, making Cameron’s breath catch in his throat slightly. They stared into each other’s eyes, Cameron marvelling at how shiny and black they were. “Yeah… Thanks…” He breathed, releasing he was panting too.

For a second longer, they two men looked at each other, before Roman blushed a little and pushed up, off Cameron. He brushed himself off awkwardly, Cameron doing the same, as they both ignored each other. Cameron felt his cheeks and ears burning red as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder ad rubbed the back of his head gingerly. Roman’s crash tackle hadn’t left him without a little bump on his head.

Shae crawled out of the bush, pulling a stick from her hair. “You two alright?” She asked, as the two men nodded. They were all still a little in shock. “Okay.” Cameron began firmly. “I don't give a fuck if it’s classified information, what the hell is going soon?” Roman glanced at Shae, who nodded. “Okay… We’ll tell you, but only if we get moving. Know a place with good cover?” Cameron nodded. “Yeah, follow me.” He walked off the path, picking his way through the bushes.

The two deputies prayed he knew what he was doing.

“So. Spill.” Cameron spat, Roman sighing heavily and beginning his story. “We… We’re hunting human traffickers. They’ve kidnapped women, girls, boys… anyone, and ship off somewhere… Canada maybe? We aren’t sure. But one the girls escaped, the girl who said she was a hiker who’d gotten lost a few months ago and turned up in town? She told us the real story. She was afraid if we started hunting them down her family and the others she’d left behind would be hurt. She was from fucking Florida.”

Cameron nodded in surprise. He’d heard vaguely about the so called missing hiker turn up at the local tavern battered and bruised, but hadn’t questioned her story. He had no reason too. He went looking for missing people all the time, people got lost so much in Buffalo Head, but they were usually found in a few hours, if they didn’t flag down a vehicle themself when they stumbled upon a road.

“So what, these traffickers are hiding up in the caves with their victims?” Cameron asked. Roman nodded. “Looks that way. And they don’t seem happy we got close. Shit they’re probably gonna bolt now…” Cameron hummed. “Ya know, if you walk about 5 ish hours that way,” He pointed in a random direction.

“Canadian border. If they’ll go anywhere it’s there.”

Shae hummed in agreement and Roman nodded. It was a logical conclusion. “We need to get back to the car, get to town and alert everyone. The Border Force, Mounties… FBI…” Cameron nodded pressing on, until they heard shouts behind them. The people who had shot at them sounded like they were tracking them. Cameron indicated with his head to follow him off into the trees, and the two cops followed, hoping they would reach the car soon.

The three people stumbled through the bushes, Cameron randomly taking a random turn and going in another direction, before continuing and doing it again. They must have walked for an hour before the ranger finally stopped, panting as he turned around. He fumbled for the compass in his bag, pulling it out and orientating it while Roman and Shae caught their breath.

“This way…” Cameron breathed as he walked off into the trees again. The landscape had become steep and rocky, and soon, they all collapsed under a tree to rest. Roman slid down the large tree trunk, his hand brushing against something soft. Looking down, he watched Cameron’s fingers brush his for a second, before he also looked down and they both quickly pulled away from each other, like it had burned them.

Shae noticed, and slightly shoved Roman over, so that his shoulders were forced to touch Cam’s. He glared at her, but she pouted. “What? I need shade too Rankin.” Cameron scoffed, smirking at the cop, leaning against him slightly to annoy him more. Roman’s heart skipped a beat slightly. He brushed it off.

‘Just adrenaline…’

But their rest was brief, their fear of being followed weighing on their minds, so they carried on. “We will have to climb that ridge, but we will be back at the car soon.” Cameron grunted as he climbed a large rock, reaching down to help Roman up. Roman grabbed it, surprised at the ranger’s strength as he helped haul the guy up the smooth surface, then he helped Shae.

“How did you… climb that thing…? It’s like… smooth as fuck…” She asked, causing Cameron to smirk. “I’ve been a rock climber and boulder since I was a kid. After I finished college I really got into it…” He looked kind of sad for a second, then turned to the ridge, looking at his compass and adjusting it. “You learn to climb flat cliff faces after a while, the grip strength and techniques come through.”

They continued up the ridge, cautious of how visible they were, until they crested it. They were all tired, and it was growing later, the afternoon well and truly set in. Roman glanced at his watch, 2:45 pm. “Hey man, lets pick this up, it’ll be dark in a couple hours.” He said to Cameron, scowling. “Look, man,” Cameron replied. “I am trying my best to get us out of here, but it’s gonna take as long as it takes.” Roman groaned, huffing. “I know, but you need to pick it up, they could all be gone by now.”

Cameron scowled now, turning around. “An’ that’s my fault, huh?”

Roman made a face of disbelief, nodding. “YES! You’re the one who lead us on this round about way to the car-” Cameron fired back instantly. “In case you forgot we were being fucking shot at! I did what I could and I said I’d get you back, I have no control over how long that will take!” The deputy shook his head.

“No, you do! You could’ve lead us straight back to the car instead of a hike through the fucking forest!” Cameron scoffed, “And you think I haven’t been trying my damndest to get you out? I’m just taking you on a little tour? We are being HUNTED Roman!”

Roman was fuming. “Why didn’t you lead us back to it straight away? We could have a thousand officers looking for them right now!”

Cameron sighed, exasperated. “What do you want Roman? We’re only as fast as our slowest person and that is currently you! Quit whining, shut up and walk, we will be there soon!”

“Not soon enough!”

“For God’s sake!” Cameron roared. “If you’re such an expert on the area, you lead us back the quicker way!”

Roman glared at the ranger.

“Thought so.” Cameron spat, turning and leading them over the ridge. “This is just like last time.” He mumbled under his breath, loud enough for both deputies to hear.

“What the fuck did you say?” Roman bristled.

“You know what I said.” Cameron fired back.

“Listen, what happened was a mistake-” Roman started, but Cameron’s eyes flashed.

“YOUR MISTAKE! YOU BLAMED ME WITH NO EVIDENCE! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! AND YOU KNOW WHAT HURT THE MOST? YOU NEVER APOLOGISED FOR FUCKING UP MY LIFE AND MY CAREER! MY OWN FATHER REFUSED TO SPEAK TO ME FOR MONTHS BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS A CRIMINAL! AND YOU JUST WENT ABOUT, LIVING YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!”

Roman went red, puffing out his chest and squaring up to Cameron. “YOU DON’T THINK I DIDN’T TRY? YOU NEVER CAME TO ME TO LET ME TRY!”

Cameron glared at him. “IT WASN’T MY JOB TO COME TO YOU, GROVELLING FOR AN APOLOGY FOR FUCKING UP MY LIFE! THAT WAS ON YOU TO D-”

“Will both of you shut the fuck up!” Shae yelled, stepping between the two men and pushing them apart. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but there are more important things to worry about right now than your pissing match, grow up for God’s sake! Both of you, your big boy pants on and get drop it!”

Both men went silent as they stared at each other, before following her silently, Cameron leading them onto the final ridge. “I see the car.” Cameron spoke flatly, still seething from the fight. Roman scoffed, “Finally.”

The next thing Roman knew, Cameron yelled and shoved him roughly. Roman staggered, hitting the ground hard and grunting, about to yell at Cameron, only to gasp as he heard a strained cry of pain.

Cameron had his shaking hand pressed over his mouth hard, preventing him from giving away their location. He was as white as a sheet, tears in his eyes as he stood frozen in place, quivering like a leaf, sweat collecting on his skin as he tried to calmly breathe.

~~ Cameron rolled his eyes, turning around to fire back some snarky comment at the cop, only for his eyes to grow wide. Without thinking, he yelled, “Watch out!” and shoved Roman away from the lump of leaves and sticks. He heard the click, feeling the plate go down. His stomach sank as at first nothing happened, then a ripple of horrendous pain shot through his whole body.

He pressed his hand to his mouth quickly, trying to stop himself from crying out and throwing up as he let out a muffled cry, throwing his head back. Roman’s eyes were wide as he looked at Cameron’s leg. The ranger couldn’t bring himself to look yet, if he looked, it would be real… But he had to...

He glanced down at the bear trap clamped around his leg, rusted, sharp teeth sunk thoroughly into the flesh of his right calf. He was numb with pain, his mind empty as he didn’t know what to do. He knew the first aid for this but he couldn’t pull it out of his head… The next moment, something big and warm was beside him. He leaned into it, closing his eyes, only to be shaken awake again.

“Cam. Stay awake.” The deep voice murmured as he slumped against the warm, soft thing… He liked the voice, it vibrated against him in a pleasant way, calming him…

“No, stay awake.” Roman’s voice was clearer now as Cameron felt the ground beneath him. He was gasping for breath as he stared at the blood leaking out of his wounds. He was trying not to hyperventilate, somewhat successfully.

“Get the trap off…” Cameron’s voice shook as he pointed at it. “How?” Shae asked, Roman pushing in to see. “There’s… levers… Push ‘em d-down…” Roman followed the ranger’s instructions, releasing the trap, hearing Cameron gasp in relief.

“Hey, what do we do?” Roman asked, his voice shaking in panic. Cameron blew out a strong breath and fumbled with shaking, tingling fingers at the zip for his bag. Shae tore it from around him and opened it, looking at the contents.

Cameron reached for it, pulling out a small bandage and began to wrap his wound. He wrapped it tighter and tighter, until it seemed to be secure. “Band… Bandage is… is good ’n tight…”

“Can you walk?” Shae asked. Cameron tried to get to his feet, but couldn’t, his injured leg dropping out from under him. Roman swooped in at the last moment, picking Cameron up and carrying him bridal style.

“Heh… I guess… now we’re even…” Cameron mumbled, slightly delirious with pain. “You saved me from being’ shot… ’n I saved your sorry ass… from a bear tr…” Roman jostled him to keep him awake. “Heh… Yeah I guess we are. Listen, man, where do we go?” Cameron pointed up at the ridge, “Up the hill… Should be dow….. the trailll….”

Cameron’s vision was blurring as his memory flashed back to the tree branch impaling him earlier in the year. How much it had hurt… How he’d had to have 3 surgeries to get it fixed…Now he had lost all that progress…

With a moan, Cameron went limp in Roman’s arms. Roman looked down at his pale face, now dangling over Roman’s arm, chin pointed at the sky. His mind went blank as he sprinted up the hill, the heavy, unconscious man suddenly light in his arms as they reached the top. Shae was red and panting as they made it back to the car, Roman diving into the back with Cameron, his hand’s immediately searching the ranger’s pockets for his keys.

Finding them, he threw them at Shae, who caught them, jamming them into the ignition, and throwing the car into reverse. She floored it down the road as Roman held Cameron tight, hoping that they could get out in time, only for the car to jolt suddenly. “Uh, Ro…” Shae whimpered as she stared out the windshield. Roman glanced up and saw a three men in the middle of the road, large rifles pointed at them. They looked at each other, as the men fired into the cabin…

Shae screamed, curling up as Roman hunched over Cameron protectively, as the doors were ripped open and both cops torn out.

“GET ON YOUR KNEES PIGS!” A man screamed, forcing the cops to their knees. “HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!” Roman nodded at Shae, and they obliged. Two of the men rushed forward, taking both of the deputies sidearms and aiming them at their heads. “What about him?” The leader growled.

Roman looked up at them, eyes desperate. “He got hurt in a bear trap, badly. He’s passed out. He won’t be any trouble.” The three men nodded as they forced both cops onto their stomachs and began to tie their arms behind them.

Roman gulped, this was it. They were going to murder them, and probably Cameron, in cold blood. They were going to die like animals.

They were dragged off into the woods by the men, one of them grabbing Cam and throwing him over his shoulder. ‘No…’ Roman thought. “He needs a hospital…’~~

The two cops were dragged up into the rocky caves. The half hour trip felt like an eternity as they followed their captors, being roughly man handled over rocks and into a hole in a cliff. Roman felt sick as Cameron was dropped on the ground, looking pale and not moving. He seemed to be breathing, Roman could only hope that the tourniquet was working.

Shae and Roman Bothe looked up as a rifle was pointed at their heads, before they were forced to their stomachs again. The cave floor was damp, and smelled like wet mud. It was slightly pleasant, all things considered, nice and cool after a couple hours of intense hiking in the afternoon heat.

The two other men began to hogtie them, preventing them from running… or helping Cam. The men hadn’t even bothered tying him up, he looked inches from death anyway. Roman wanted to be near him, make sure he was warm and breathing… this cool floor wouldn’t be doing the ranger any good.

His mind drifted, the teeth hadn’t gone all the way, the rust had stopped it from doing that, but they’d gone in deep enough to make him bleed bad… Willing him to make it through, Roman stared at the man beside him, a few feet away… so close and yet so far…

“We’ll be back, then you and I will have some fun.” One of the men drawled, looking at Shae. Roman growled. “Don’t touch her!” The man cackled. “Ahhh, I know plenty of people who’d like to fuck a pig… But we’ve all gotta test the product ourselves first, gotta know what I’m selling.” He grinned wickedly, walking out of the cave with his two friends. Roman looked at Shae, who looked terrified. “Hey… Look at me. I won’t let anything happen to you, alright?” Shae looked at him and nodded, even though she knew it was a lie. Roman was stuck, he couldn’t do anything to stop the men from touching either of them…

They lay in silence for a while, watching the sun begin to sink lower in the sky. “He okay?” Shae asked, looking at Cameron, who was still lying motionless on the ground. “No…” Roman replied, his voice catching.

“God I’m such an idiot. I should’ve listened to him… They knew we were close to the car, they must have… Shit…” Roman bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. Shae sighed, wiggling to be closer to Roman, at least a couple of inches closer. She didn’t know what to say.

“What happened between you two?” She asked quietly, hoping it wouldn’t make Roman worse. Roman gazed out at the late afternoon, remembering something with a sigh.

“We were collaborating with the national park for an investigation into a guy growing weed out in Buffalo Head. Cameron found the grove and reported it. Anyway, the guy seemed to realise the jig was up and burned it all, starting a forest fire. I accused Cameron of actually being in on the whole thing, reporting his buddy so he could have the whole crop to himself and setting the fire to burn the evidence when he realised I was onto him.” Shae glanced over at Roman, before going back to the road. “And… did he?” Roman sighed.

“That’s the thing. I accused him on a hunch, and had no evidence to back it up… And he was innocent the whole time. It uhh, nearly ruined his career, and to add insult to injury, he nearly got killed fighting the fire… Which also destroyed a sacred place for the Blackfoot…

He blamed me for it. The site being destroyed also damaged the Blackfoot relationship with the Buffalo Head Rangers too, or at least I heard it did. They were mad that not many resources were put towards saving their… I don’t even know what it was, but that the park office up there had been saved. I don't know about any more of that, but Cameron took it hard.

He’d been instrumental in building that trust and, to him, I destroyed it. He’s hated me ever since, and I just… I never really knew how to apologise. I know I should, but… how do you do that? It’s been 4 years, I left it too long and… I don’t know anymore.”

Shae was silent for a moment, thinking. “I don’t think he wants an apology.”

Roman looked up, confused. “What?” His parter looked at him, smiling softly. “God you’re an idiot… I think he wants you to admit you were wrong. Take accountability for the role you played in the whole thing and give him the closure he needs. That's all he wants, is closure.” Roman sighed, nodding. “I never thought about it like that. “Yeah, cause you don’t think.” Shae laughed. She was nervous, but Roman was impressed how well she was keeping it together.

Minutes later the heard the grunting men return. One was a very thin, sunburnt man with a bad moustache, one a bulkier, more muscular guy with a big red beard and a red baseball cap and the final a slightly fat guy who was balding.

All three seemed to be in a bad mood.

“We need to decide now!” Fat guy said. “I’m not killing a fucking cop!” Sunburn said. “Well I am!” Beard dude said, readying Roman’s side arm. Fat guy shrugged, getting Shae’s sidearm out of his pocket. “Let’s just get it over with. We have to move.” The three men closed in on Roman and Shae, who both gulped.

Roman shuddered, sighing a scared breath as something cold touched the back of his skull. A tear fell from his eye as he tried not to cry, body quivering as a shot rang out. Then another, and another. The sound of three bodies falling filled Roman’s head as he opened one eye.

The three men were lying on the ground, one bullet wound in each of their backs. Craning his head around, he saw Cameron slumped against the wall of the cave, his own side arm drooping in his hand. He pushed up and limped forward, pain screaming through his leg as he opened his pocket knife from his belt, cutting the ties and collapsing to the ground.

“How-” Roman stammered as Cameron grinned. “Adrenaline is one hell of a drug.” He rasped, “Guess we’re double even now… Radio in my car… call for help…”

Shae slung one arm under the ranger, Roman taking the other and helping Cameron limp down the cliffs to the car. They all groaned when they saw the deflated wheels.

Roman sat beside Cameron as Shae used the radio, glancing over to him. It was an agonising hour long wait for for anyone to come and get them from town and Cam was still in a lot of pain. Roman put an arm around him, pulling him close. Cam hissed in pain, but leaned into it. “Okay, I have to know…” He asked. “How long where you unconscious?” Cameron shrugged. “No idea, last thing I remember was the bear trap, then you carrying me… Then I woke up face down in mud. You and Shae were talking about something, I didn’t catch what… I realised they didn’t take my gun and when they were distracted with you I took my shot.”

Roman smiled. “I’m glad you did…” He looked into Cameron’s eyes. They were so dark and… glittery… They were beautiful… He was beautiful…

Their faces drew together slowly, and the next thing either of them knew, their lips touched. It was like an electric shock went through them as they kissed again, harder this time.

Pulling back, they both glanced away, redder than either of them thought they could go, until they heard Shae laugh, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

“I saw that.” She smirked, going back to the radio. Roman went redder still, looking at Cameron for help. Cameron shrugged, leaning against Roman more and sighing. Roman didn’t even notice he had reached out for Cameron’s hand until the ranger took it. Both men blushed as they gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment, before Roman awkwardly cleared his throat and glanced away.

They were saved by the ambulance wailing up the road, followed by a long line of police cars, lights and sirens flashing as Shae got out of the car. “I’ll give you two some time to… talk…” She winked mischievously as Roman grimaced. Cameron looked up at him with a tired, pained smile. “I’m gonna need help getting in that ambulance.” He mumbled.

~ 3 months later

“So… I’m sorry, for everything.” Roman looked into his noodles, ashamed. Cameron looked up from his own, nodding. “Thank you, Roman. Really I appreciate that.” He smiled, breaking the seriousness of the topic a little.

He had taken Cameron out to the local Mongolian restaurant, something he’d been planning while Cameron was recovering from his surgery on his leg. Then he’d procrastinated about it for two months until Shae had to basically ask Cameron for him. He had finally apologised for his fuck up four years ago and… a little bit of him was just happy to be with Cameron again.

Since the whole chasing human traffickers through the forest thing, and the kiss...Roman and Cameron had both been thinking about the other more and more… Both knew it was a kinda, sorta, teensy weensy, itty, bitty, slightly a date.

“Your dad’s cooking is really good.” Roman mumbled, stuffing his face with noodles. “Yeah, good choice, taking me out to dinner at my parent’s restaurant, Rankin.” Cameron teased, serving himself more flat bread. “Well it was the only restaurant in town to choose, unless you wanted to drive 2 hours to go to McDonalds.” Roman shot back playfully.

“I’ll get my dad to make you proper Mongolian some time. You’d loooove honinii tolgoi.” Roman looked up, smiling playfully. “Yeah, what is it?” Cameron smirked, “You’ll find out… It involves… mutton.” Roman perked up. “Mutton is good.” Cameron laughed, imagining Roman being confronted with an entire sheep’s head on his plate, skull, eyes and all, and watching him have to eat it.

“Well, let me know when he’s cooking up a storm, proper Mongol food.” Cameron smiled, nodding as they finished and paid for their meals. They walked down the dark street together, their knuckles brushing against each others as they walked, completely by ‘accident’.

“You know I’m starting to think this wasn’t just an apology dinner…” Cameron smirked, as he limped along beside Roman, sliding his hand into the deputy’s own. Roman was glad it was dark, because he he knew his cheeks were burning red. He stopped, his breath catching, Cameron stopping, turning to face him.

“Oh, so it was a date. Smooth.” He teased. Roman looked at his feet, embarrassed. “I did wonder why you wore that cologne.” Cameron stepped closer, so they were inches from each other. His finger brushed Roman’s arm as they slowly inched closer. “I like it… You should wear it more often…” Cameron murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as he cocked his head.

Roman leaned forward, kissing him softly, tentatively… nervously, only for Cameron’s arm to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. Cameron’s lips pushed harder against Roman’s own, the policeman gasping a little as the ranger’s tongue slid between his lips. He melted into the kiss as the two men held each other close, the world disappearing around them as they kissed.

Pulling back, Cameron was blushing hard, Roman equally red. “Uhh…” He started, looking at the ranger. “Wow…” Cameron breathed. “Let’s do that again.” He smiled, leaning in and kissing Roman again…

“By the way…” Cameron breathed in Roman’s ear, “I accept your apology… This one is way better than the one at dinner…” Roman smiled as Cameron kissed his neck, then pulled away. “My place or yours?” Roman frowned, confused, still dazed from the sudden make out session.

“Huh?” He gasped. “Well I assume you wanna keep hanging out, so… My place or yours?” Cameron asked, voice low and eyes full of… full of love. “Either works for me…” Roman whispered, breathless as he gazed back at Cameron with the same love in his own eyes. “Your’s it is…” Cameron smiled. “Besides.” He slid his hand back into Roman’s and began walking. “I’ve always wondered where you lived.” Roman shoved him gently. “Creep.”

Roman snorted as he awoke, feeling a heavy weight pinning him down. He realised he was passed out on his sofa, Cameron sleeping soundly on his chest, the movie they had been watching long passed being finished. The deputy smiled. Cameron was so cute when he was asleep…

Running his hand over the man’s hair, he kissed his forehead, Cameron stirring and opening his eyes.

“Hmmm… Morning…” He mumbled, his arms wrapping around Roman’s torso as he snuggled against his chest.

“Morning.” Roman mumbled back. He could’ve stayed like that all day… His heart swelled with a joy he hadn’t ever felt before, and he smiled as he knew Cameron’s was doing the same.

~masterlist~

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