#captain rants

[theredcaptain]

I gotta say I love that pretty much everyone agrees, Dragon definitely cried like a baby when Luffy was born

[morimementa]

The fun thing about COD is that everyone who calls the 141 and every other operator their precious little mew mew skrunkly is fully aware that Soap once used an enemy soldier as a meat shield, Price responded to a barricade by attempting vehicular manslaughter, Gaz saw one terrorist attack and decided going feral was an option that should be on the table, and Ghost is, well, Ghost.

They know their little mew mews are war criminals and they do not care.

[dumbbitchgalore]

Easing Old Man!Price into sex after dealing with erectile dysfunction 💓 (🌽 link)

As Price gets old with every passing day, a subtle yet gnawing voice at the of his head was telling him that he wasn't able to keep his birdie happy and satisfied despite all his efforts and it didn't help that physically he was not able to perform satisfactorily. He mentally curses himself for all the years of nicotine and alcohol use, mentally chiding himself for not listening to you earlier.

His little birdie would eventually leave him for his flaws.

But you saw it in a different light, you tried to keep John happy and fulfilled and besides there is more than one way to achieve the orgasmic bliss that John always seemed to coax out of you with either his hands or mouth or maybe both, one of his many talents. Your love for him never dwindled but you could see the sadness and unfound guilt in his eyes.

One day, he tells you that he wants to use Viagra to make sex as pleasurable as it used to be. Despite your attempts to voice that you have no complaints about the two of your sex life, John shut them down. He needed to do this, not just for you but for him, to make him feel like a man again. You start to understand that maybe reassurance may not be enough to help John find his self-esteem again so you cave and tell him it's fine.

Tonight, you both find yourselves sitting on the bed after John had taken the pill. Sweaty and flushed til the tips of his ears, John felt like a schoolboy seeing a woman naked for the first time. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, what to say or how to react after seeing his chubby cock stand tall and proud after such a long time. He looks away when you sit next to him, wearing nothing causing you to chuckle chuckle at his nervousness.

“Come on, babe. It’s not like this is the first time you’ve seen my tits. Hell, you even drank my-”

John places a hand over your mouth stopping you from finishing your sentence. You give the palm of his hand a attentive kiss before pulling away and placing a fleeting kiss oh his cheek.

You hand makes its way to his cock, giving it a few trial pumps. Seeing John’s eyes glaze over gave you all the permission you needed to continue your ministrations.

“That’s it, soldier boy. Let your birdie help you.”

[snarkspawn]

I really enjoy playing through tnp again like hi it's been a while

[pzyii]

Steve being the one to steal the car in catws is one of my favourite things simply because there's no way Natasha "The Black Widow" Romanoff doesn't know how to steal a car.

Which to me implies that she pretended to not know how, or at least waited just a bit to see if Steve would do it.

Simply to know if he could, figure him out.

[moonlightcycle571]

Beating out the Hero Worship. The weapon? Being a child therapist / relationship Councelor to your colleagues (who may or may not be going through midlife crisis)

So I love the prompts where the Wisdom of Solomon makes Captain Marvel a defacto Therapist and Relationship Councelor (family, romantic or otherwise) to his very adult coworkers. It’s especially funny when they think Billy is an adult. Billy is very much a child. A child who is giving these sad adults free therapy. Honestly if being a child hero wasn’t enough, the amount of work he has to put into his colleagues well-being should in itself be child labour.

Black Canary, who has been the Therapist, is the only one who can relate to the struggle. Sometimes they even share notes. Well, Billy is, Dinah is here for the gossip. Bring in Barbara, and they got themselves a girls night.

It’s just so funny to me. Gets me every time.

Flash: Man, I can’t believe I’ll need to reschedule my wedding anniversary AGAIN all because of some new villain not getting the memo. Sometimes being the hero on your city takes a lot of you.

Marvel: don’t you have multiple speedsters in your city?

Flash: …

Marvel: you have multiple heroes in your corner who would gladly take over a case for you

Flash: Oh yeeeeaaah

Marvel: Don’t pull a Batman. Ask for help.

Bruce, somewhere in Gotham: something just happened

*or just*

Clark: and it’s just confusing, because Conner sees my parents as his parents making us siblings, but John sees him as his brother making him my son, but Lex sees him as HIS son. Kon even said that Lex was more of a dad to him! Lex!

Marvel: oh yeah, family is difficult. Imagine having two dads, but the hero one is the one who want nothing to do with you. At least Lex tries. When was the last time you had a casual conversation.

Clark: I- *pauses*

Marvel: or talked about hobbies.

Clark: I messed up.

Marvel: yeah yuh did

Bonus:

Billy: Dinah! I didn’t think girls night was for another week!

Dinah: … actually

Billy: … no

Dinah, sitting on the couch: so I need advice

Billy: 🥲

A few moments later

Billy: I’m sorry, GA did WHAT to Roy

Dinah: Exactly, so come Mia-

Some more time later

Green Arrow: why do I hear boss music?

Marvel, slamming open the door: Oooolllieee we need to talk 🙃

Oliver: I’m in danger

[honda-odyssey-the-queer-allegory]

The idea of bucky genuinely having no recollection of his actions haunts me. He lost 90 years of his life and can't recall nearly any of it.

Granted, in the comics, there was a period in which he was "conscious," but he still had no memories of HIS life. Not only that, but the moment they knew there were chips in their programming, he immediately was but in cryostasis.

In the movies, this applies even more so. The clip in civil war where (when talking to Steve) he says "What did I do?" "Enough." "I knew it. Everything Hydra put inside me is still there...". He's aware of the fact that he was made into a killing machine. Simply a weapon and nothing else. To Hydra, he had no life. Only a mission that needed to be completed.

Why can't Marvel just let him be happy :((

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

[risetherivermoon]

i dont really like it when people dumb down Curly's characterization to just the guy enabling Jimmy. I get that that makes it easier to not like him, so that's why a lot of people do that, because they feel guilty about sympathizing with someone who's done smth fucked up like that, but i really don't think it's giving Curly the justice he deserves.

regardless of if you like him as a person or not, Curly is still a victim and he suffered greatly at Jimmy's hand. Just because he did something fucked up doesn't make him a 'monster' (sorry because i saw someone say that he looks like a monster post-crash and thats sticking with me because why TF are we saying disabled burn victims look like LITERAL MONSTERS- yall use some common sense I BEG)

Dumbing down characters is what fandom does best, but i think it particularly irks me in Mouthwashing because of the nature of the story. Jimmy already thinks of the rest of the crew poorly and doesn't see them for how they really are, we don't need to be doing that too.

I also feel like people don't really recognize the fact Jimmy manipulates and abuses Curly too, even before the crash. What Curly did was fucked up but for the love, don't dumb him down to just this one thing he did.

[giglio-nero-e-bianco]

I'm not that much into the mouthwashing fandom, but I find it kinda funny that the only JimCurly shippers I've seen at this point always fall in one of these two categories

And honestly, my take on the ship falls exactly in-between

Like, yeah, Jimmy IS an abuser towards Curly now that he can't defend himself, he takes his frustration out on him, he mutilates him, he feeds him his own goddam leg, Curly is a victim of Jimmy

But saying that Curly is 100% innocent here is not quite right, Curly always seemed to forgive what Jimmy did and was a total enabler to his actions, not wanting to take sides when problems came up but subconsciously taking Jimmy's side, as seen when Anya asked for help

Anya told Curly of what he did to her but we never see Curly actually confront Jimmy on what he did, he only tells her "we'll go to him together", ok? You can still talk to him about it by yourself?? and when he does talk to him directly it's more like "sorry that happened, how does that make you feel?"

So JimCurly is kinda like "yeah, you kinda half brought this upon yourself by not stopping the monster before it finished opening it's mouth and now everyone is paying for it, including you"

Don't kill me, this is my own interpretation of the ship 👐

I still prefer Jimmy pretty much dead and the rest of the crew happy and alive, even Curly for that matter

[mintaikk]

Mini comic I made based on a convo I had with my mom

Also, for the people who don't believe me 👇

(Stony isn't technically canon but it was in a fantastic 4 comic with a female Tony countperart. Idk, I haven't read it and only know about it when i was bored and checked the shipping wiki while zoning out of a movie. It's weird)

(Random note for spideypool: Wade will flirt with anything that moves, but what showd he had an actual crush on Spidey beyind attraction was when his daughter pointed out how much he talked about him and he got embarrassed. Also, the fact that he changed his entire moral code for Spidey. And they're confirmed heartmates. I haven't gotten that far in the comic yet, but I think it's like soulmates but more romantic. Also, Deadpool had a free pass list of people he can sleep with while he was married (his wife signed it and everything), and Spiderman was number five

[adoresia]

── .✦ NOT THE RIGHT FIT

⌗ Featuring : Levi, Jean, Armin, Eren, Connie, Miche

⌗ Synopsis : AOT men reacting to you buying the wrong condom size (too small)

⌗ CW : Suggestive themes and mature humor, Awkward and embarrassing situations, Potential OOC moments for comedic effect, Light-hearted banter and teasing, Mentions of adult content (condoms).

Reader discretion is advised for those uncomfortable with mature humor or suggestive topics.

⌗ SIA HERE ! : Hey guys first aot au legoooo😜 this one’s a bit cheeky though so ya!! Prob gonna make my aot masterlist tmmr as it’s currently 2am x

[theredcaptain]

One does not simply unsee the crocodile resemblance in Luffy once the theory enters your head.

[leon-anna]

It has been a HOT minute since we last posted!!

Anna and I have been quite busy recently, and it doesn't help that I've been going through art block on top of that!

So, until we get some things sorted out, here is a simple Rex/Fives doodle of them after a routine sparring session~

[dumbbitchgalore]

Blowjobs with Single Dad!Price 🍆 (🌽 link)

John is absolutely depraved and desperate to ruin a pretty little thing like you. He resisted you for so long, but he could only resist so much. He fucks your face when the kids are asleep. He takes you to the bed that he and his ex-wife used to sleep and and trains you, ruins you for him.

You'd be stripped naked, eyes half-lidded as you wait for your instructions. John settles in bed with his boxers off as you crawl into bed in between his legs. Kissing up his burly, hairy thighs, you make your way to his glistening, touch-starved cock. Tongue poking out, you lick the slit on the tip of his cock, gathering his salty pre-cum on the tip of your tongue. Moaning softly, you savour his taste gradually getting drunk on the idea of being used by him.

Licking a long from the base of his cock to the tip, you make your way down once again peppering it with kisses, saliva coating every inch of it. A breathy cock-drunk chuckle leaves your mouth as you begin to suck his balls one at a time earning a shuddering groan from John. 

While you take your time savouring his fat balls, John grabs the back of your head pulling back to his cock, forcing your head down without a single warning. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you gag on his length. 

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, Birdie. Think you can get away with teasing me, hm?” His raspy voice makes it to your ear, moaning around his member. 

Trying to look up at him through glisten eyes, John once again forces his cock down your throat slobbering all over it like a bitch in heat. He hits the back of your head a few times making sure the tip hits the back of your throat causing you to gag louder.

John lets out a grunt of disapproval as he hears you get louder, pulling you off his cock giving you a chance to breathe properly. Face flushed, eyes glazed over in bliss, your lips glistening with spit as it trails down your chin and onto your tits, you look at him doe-eyed and remorseful. 

“The kids are bloody sleeping in the other room.” He scowls at you.

Before you could mutter an apology, John shoves his cock back into your mouth all the way down to the hilt as you nuzzle your nose into the end of his happy trail, this time quieter and more dutifully. 

 “Well done. You’re learning fast, Kiddo.”

[miss-dollette]

Pedo problem in the COD fandom - Mini Rant.

TW: Opinion. Pedophilia mentioned. Cursing. Offensive. 18+.

Entering my Wendy Williams Era and saying what I want because I want to. I already know everyone is gonna jump me (again), but do you think I care? I say my truth and say what everyone thinking.

Hey, I have a question... what's up with people making COD characters borderline pedophiles??

I mean, 18 years old is legal, but let's be honest, any man in his 30s and older who would date an 18 year old is... you know - someone who would go younger if it was legal. (Anyone who argues with this fact, you're either underage or sus af).

I feel so icky when I scroll in a tag and see all these FF's titled "Ghost x innocent!Reader," or "older!BF Price x Younger!GF Reader," or "Step-dad!König x stepdaughter!reader." Like r u fr?

The fact that there is so many of them is disturbing.

Look, I'm no prude. I like kinky sex and all that freaky stuff, and I don't mind age gap relationships, but the way you guys write makes it clear that you like the aspect of the taboo-ness of "that" type of relationship, if you could even call it that.

I get so disgusted by the way you freaks write my favorite characters. How dare you make Simon (a beautiful, loving man) or Price (who, let's be honest, never touch an 18 year old) into some gross pervert.

Don't get me wrong, I like perverts, but not creep perverts.

Pedophilia or hints of it will never be tolerated. And should never.

Also, most of this fandom is made up of bad smut and even worse dialogue in smut. Seriously, I cringe. What the hell.

We need more 30+ year olds in this fandom writing because I can't take the unrealistic, bad fanfiction running around.

And of I hear "doe eyes" one more time, I sweat to God, Bitch...

[avelera]

Re-watched Captain America: Winter Soldier and First Avenger (in that order lol) and hey guys

Remember that time Steve woke up in New York City 70 years later and panicked, thinking he was in HYDRA hands and haha, actually it turns out, he kind of was??

Also remember that bit where he found out in the most deadpan way possible (thanks Nick) that everyone he had ever known and loved was dead or aged to to the point of death in the blink of an eye, and no one ever actually like, gave him a moment's sympathy for the fact his entire world ended in a split-second of self-sacrifice that ended up just being one battle in a war that never ended?

Remember when he found out that the only person left who loved him, Peggy, only occasionally remembered him in moments of lucidity haha and then it turned out that the only other person who still lived and who loved him, Bucky, also only remembered him in moment's of lucidity?? Good times, good fucking times, I'm an emotional wreck about it

And one last thing, because I will never ever fucking ever let this grudge go, remember that time Tony fucking Stark who I mostly love but in the context of Steve Rogers specifically I want to tear him to shreds, decided to have beef with a literal traumatized 20-something year old war veteran whose entire world just dissolved into nothing in the 70 years he was on ice, and Tony fucking Stark decided to pick a fight with this guy and rag on him 24/7, despite being in his 40s himself and completely comfortable, stable, and with insane levels of wealth and privilege, because his fucking dad who has been dead for decades apparently loved this guy more, something that would have bewildered Steve who like, barely knew Howard outside of work, and that Steve had fucking nothing to do with Howard's neglect of his son because it all happened while he was unconscious?

Don't even get me started on Civil War, we will be here all day in how these supposedly equal sides weren't even slightly equal in morality or logic at all, but I will die on the hill of Tony fucking Stark was being a Grade A fucking asshole for his stupid man-child fight he picked with Steve Rogers when you actually objectively view Steve's life story as a human being instead of a symbol that he was literally forced to be

Whew. Ok. I'm ok now.

...

AND ANOTHER THING...!