#cant win etc etc
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forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always
#i dont even like yogurt...#god the food situation is so bad#so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.#i can do ONE.#i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work#so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it#at night when high and finally able to feel hunger#and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain#most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3#but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i#have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons....#i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it#but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it#have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks#so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again#cant win etc etc#augh. anyway. complaining over#disordered eating#chronic illness
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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ik i've done like 5 panel redraws from 265 alone but this is the last one promise
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 265#timelapse#jjk but its me and im the one possessed and i cant stop doing yuuji panel redraws :'>#fr tho im done i swear i think ive drawn all my favourite yuujis from the leaks i can stop now#....the one of him crouching while fishing Is good too tho...#IM JOKING I WON'T (today)#my pinky actually hurts rn i will rest#the thing w timelapses is theres never much 2 say abt the process bc like. its all right there#th red flash was me accidentally hitting the paint fill button gomen :'< i always do either that or i accidentally crop it#they should move those buttons further away from each other >:((((#hmm other than that total time abt 4 hours his hair fought me a bit during the render but gojo voice Nah Id Win >:)#symmetry ruler my beloved <333 until i get 2 his scars n have to turn it off rip#anyway im going 2 go rest my hand do some stretches etc etc#self care i hear they call it
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the star you've longed for
#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai#revue starlight#pjsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#emunene#prsk#proseka#yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death#HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL#Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week#im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar#thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp#i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role#rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place#Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL#though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead#revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years#Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious#but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work#aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use#idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways#emuneneweek2024#EDIT: i have decided nene gets a rapier. its awesome. thanks for coming#tsukasa has his giant flag and i dont want to budge on that. im thinking about giving rui the throwing knives since he juggles.#it would be funny. saki + rui knife juggling
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im gonna level w you, fellow medic mains. you are a lot worse at the game than you think
#not me though i fucking rock#jk i suck ass#but i mean this in a way where i know what its like#just heal ppl. pop an uber. etc.#its more abt decision making and choosing the right patient#and doing it right will win most games#but bc of this you will start thinking youre incredibly important and cant be replaced#and so the attitude of medic mains#myself included#becomes insufferable#“protect me all medpacks are mine impress me kill for me i wont uber you unless you are worthy”#meanwhile they leave anyone who isnt a heavy to die#i beg you play other classes find a main that isnt medic to get you into the action#preferably classes on the front line#itll make you a better medic if you know what the recieving end of the healing beam feels like#you will notice who the medics tend to heal over others#you will notice bad ubers and coward medics that give up on you and abandon you#you will notice their mistakes and itll affect you#its helped me get better#im slowly figuring out what to do for soldiers#tgeyre the hardest to pocket gor but its pure magic when it goes right#i main demoman and medics are allergic to me in the field man
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Huh-? Why's my sax's mouthpiece all messed up?
...
... Ah.
(wip progress + 'lineart' under read-more--)
portfest outfits are so cool looking,,,
#twst#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland port fest#floyd leech#art#ram's art#alright-! so i like port fest a lot-#mainly the aesthetics tbhhhhh#i'm biased i love water and aquatic themes and fish etc so its kinda obvious to me-#also!!! they play instruments!!!!!!!! look at them go!#unrelated never make me draw a saxophone again -#(i didn't even try and make this one 'realistic' because i . i cant draw a saxophone are u kidding me-#twst official artists show me your wayssss#also forgive the messy sketch extra underneath lol i am tireddddd#i just looked it up - high-end saxophone mouthpieces are made of something called ebonite-#apparently it's very durable - (though not. like SUPER tough like certain materials--)#I still think floyd could chew through anything if he tried hard enough so it's fineeee bitey boy 10/10#resin is used for less top tier saxophones - but he could definitely bite that easily too- win-win!#also also sorry rook i couldnt fit you in the sketch :[[[
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2009 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix - Sebastian Vettel
#i went on a rant last seb win about how the camerawork was so good: this one too!!!#he looks glorious this race what else needs to be said???????#THE WAY HIS EYES SPARKLE!!!!!#i will never get over this era of rbr racesuits. just the navy blue with the red lining is gorgeous to me#i could really wax poetic about their 2009-2012 racesuits. def my fav designs in color and form etc#haha you can tell when ive watched a seb win race bcs its gotta be at least 2 posts maybe 3#i cant help it!! hes my baby waby!! he deserves as many posts as i can possibly make#this is vaguely unhinged but its been nice to see his hair grow out from a buzzcut to this length throughout the season#hes very relatable. him and I do the same hair routine which i call 'the sheep'. when you cut it every once in a while after growing it out#but this and maybe a bit longer is the ideal seb hair length. he just looks soooo pretty and angelic to me <333#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#formula one#2009 abu dhabi gp#sv5#we do a little bit of f1#season: 2009
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not only we finally got a medal in this olympics (big countries wouldn’t get it), it’s the first medal for viktorija senkute ever and first in this kind of rowing !!! ahh i’m so happy for her, for our country, she was incredible 💛💚❤️
#lithuania#i really want more small countries like us to win instead of the usual america uk france china etc#i want them to win when i like someone specifically but i really wish america won much less. come on small countries lets show them.#one more blow to their ego and it will blow UP#but im so proud of my country!! and i cant wait to see my coach there as well :))
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i dont really know how to explain this, but it's incredibly frustrating to be a he/she pronoun user. every single time i go to a pride event, convention, even my queer-focused doctor, no one ever has she/he pronoun pins/buttons/stickers/etc. it's a little disheartening in a way i can't fully explain - when i went to that doctor, they had separate stickers for she/they and they/she, but none for he/she. the doctor had to clarify that i used both he/him and she/her, as if i'd written it wrong. like. are they too "opposite" to think about including? are they too "different" that no one would use them that way?
it just... i don't know, man. sucks.
#lav talks#butch#lesbian#genderqueer#gender nonconforming#okay to reblog#cant imagine what its like for neos users who dont even get a chance to see theirs on buttons/stickers/etc#like. shit. i dont even think the office had ze/hir#they had a couple neos (xe/fae/etc) but like. cmon man.#did have a slight win today bc one of my students asked if she should call me ms or mr or if i used titles at all but. otherwise#idk if this counts as a vent post but its been on my mind for a while
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really fun parallels between Minami & Nishida in which one guy who wants most of the fights he gets into generally has a bit of a dodgy win/lose ratio, meanwhile the other who has only ever welcomed one single fight in his life is the more violently competent
#ikildaman shut the fuck up#incoming tag rant whoops#nishida (rgg)#minami daisaku#and also the one fight Nishida ever welcomed was one that he lost too#to be fair it Was with Goro Fucking Majima like hes Going to lose. but still#it could also be 2 for 2 if you count the time he went on strike for majima construction where majima once again beat his ass#at least that fight was worth fighting!#its a bit of a stretch on Minami's side maybe but i've definitely always headcanoned him as being first in the water so to speak#i always thought his job was like. related to corralling the juniors. like its a misnomer title sort of. so in that environment it makes#sense. he knows what the ppl around him are/arent capable of and it'd be his responsibility to not get them majorly hurt killed et ceteras#if hes collateral though its fair game#cant experience shitty boss dad disappointment punishment so on and so forth if youre dust! win#but also i wholly believe its an ego thing esp if its related to sparring w Majima. i just know that guy fights his own men#more like Jumping them tbh Sparring has too much mutual respect implied in the act#if thrs an opportunity to lock horns with the boss Minami is all over it. this is the most attention hes had in months and it sustains him#and its definitely shortened his lifespan while he was at it#although he never wins (re: Goro Fucking Majima) but i have to wonder how well he fairs with anybody else#he managed to sweep a bunch of Saejimas friends ig. Not Saejima himself but thats obvious Saejima could punt him across the room#insert 'i read saejima throwing him across the room and got so hard i threw up' joke here etc#the fight with Akiyama didnt happen that was a fluke he doesnt exist. blah blah blah cope and seetheage#if we're gna powerscale my unironic stance is he'd put aki in the ground#& should have. & did. to me. yay. heart. okay heart
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Ooh so SOTR is a Haymitch perspective book?? okay okay okay. its so fucking over forever. just btw
#I come back from my crisis meeting and this is what i fuckin see. diabolical. god hates me#Its OVER its so over.. Suzanne what is this#EDIT: okay i take it back the cover has apollo symbolism that kinda slays. heres how the plutarch truthers can still win etc etc#but still>>#NOT EVEN A MENTOR PERSPECTIVE??? WHY!!!!!!#im sure it will be well written obv obv.. UGH BUT LIKE... ITS SO OVER!!???!?#sorry i cant be normal about this im just. no maysilee POV no nothing???????????? no plutarch??????? they hate us.#the hunger games#sunrise on the reaping#thg sotr
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has anyone actually written a lost boys harringrove au because i feel like that’s what’s missing from my life
#cant decide which way around it should be#on one hand sure santa carla it’s all very billy but something about billy moving to a new town and steve being a vampire#goes crazy idk#billy moving to hawkins and seeing all these missing posters max getting caught up with the party billy finding them at the house etc#it all works#on my mind cause i found the dvd in a charity shop yesterday AND the cinema is showing it on the 3rd#huge win for gay people (me)#ickyspeaks
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idk i just hope the tournament organizers see this (and tbh probably inevitably rome also) as a real wakeup call as to how scheduling goes and how they need to give them a goddamn break. i honestly doubt it because i do not think any organizers really give a shit about the actual players (otherwise this would probably not have happened tbh) but i hope they get it together
#this is unprecedented how many injuries we have like genuinely is this not terrifying to atp??#i think i heard rumour of dubai or someone being given a 1000 level tournament. NO!!! WE DONT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!#and i know that no city will want to give up their tournament#but somethings gotta give we cant be putting these ppl through the fucking ringer every goddamn week#i think if tennis had a more unified business model (aka novak’s players union or something)#and players had a base salary (the way literally every other sport does) rather than only getting money if you play and win#then players would be allowed to have more breaks#and not rely on pushing themselves because they have to pay coaches equipment flights doctors etc etc#idk. i think about the logistics and business and economic end of tennis A Lot#also more standardized courts/balls etc is needed but i really dont know enough about the physical aspect as much#like obv i like having three different surfaces i think its unique and fun and the adjustment period for the players is not the worst thing#but even still theres so much variation between courts of the same surface even at the same event#and balls are different too i think#idk everything in tennis is so fragmented and disconnected#like atp and wta and then each tournament has vastly different organizations so theres so many competiting stakeholders#again. novaks players union is sorely needed#whoops i wrote an essay in the tags about sports business again whateverrrrr#tennis
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hate to see my friend slowly becoming radicalized by twitter and spreading misinformation to other friends
#its happened several times#no they were not telling arabs to let the idf win#etc#i try to correct him but i cant always
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thinking abt rewriting my spamton fic with updated characterization .......... unfortunately i Cannot do Anythintg.i Did rewrite the intro in my notes in october bc i kept thinking of better descriptions but thats where i left it off for now </3
#i would make it more of a slower burn if i rlly sat down to revisit it. i dont think spam realistically is the type to fall fast#id write him to be a lot more reluctant to accept any help or food from the reader. make him a lot more wary & distrusting#kindness will indeed win him over in the end but you rlly have to earn it by earning his trust first!#hes like a stray cat in that at first he may flinch from your soft touch afraid of what hes never had but he will grow to find comfort in it#once you prove youre There To Stay & that he rlly cant shake you only then will feelings be able to start developing. but he Will deny it#the more he cares the more you can hurt him & he isnt ready for that just yet so he buries it deep down but it always comes back#& maybe he lingers in your cafe a little longer. resists the urge to eat every dollar he finds to pay you for the food youve given him#leaves flyers advertising your cafe in busy areas. maybe he starts missing you more. your voice & your smile & the way you look at him#etc etc#torch chatter
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finally decided to start watching s2e17 of ii
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#there are spoilers in the tags for like 17 and 18. not much since i havent actually seen those (at least not much) but beware#i am about to implode!#(not because of any opinion i have of the finale so far i just started watching it)#why did i start watching now? i was hearing Things about the finale (not really much spoilers_ just that the note 17 left wasn't a happy -#- note [since it seems to be the darkest hour. yknow. general 3-act stuff] and that people weren't really sure it was the last episode)#and i remember thinking “either i don't watch until act 3 comes out or until it's been long enough to know act 2 was the last episode”#i also have a tendency to do this with ii episodes_ i'll wait a couple of days to watch it#in the case of the ii s3 finale i literally only watched it because s2e15 came out#i dont really do this with other shows? and by other shows i mean BFDI i can't think of any other i watch regularly like II#well not regularly . yknow what i mean. to watch to completion like that ?#anyways another reason i didn't was probably bc of not knowing anything about the finale#yknow. didnt want it to end on a bad note but especially not something that like takes away the characters'... whats the word... agency tha#'s it. i think it would have felt weird to me if the ending was like everyone dying or smth in a way that interferes with that#but i feel slightly reassured since the characters do seem to come back to life i think from what i've heard#so yay!!!#i think hearing some mild spoilers about the ending of ii did help me mentally prepare for watching the finale#getting spoilers doesn't necessarily have to ruin your show-watching experience. i dont think id like having it all spoiled but having some#spoilers don't really hurt me_ and sometimes actually helps me in the experience (as in. gets me to actually watch something or lets me wat#-h without like... worrying about something needlessly? or at least maybe its like a detriment to my watching experience)#i dont really like all the suspense. some is good but sometimes i cant handle it or dont want to so a little spoilers helps me have my mind#- at ease yknow? i do remember as a kid id be worried about possibilities (like quite worried) that authors don't tend to do (because it'd#- be a bummer) and it hindered my enjoyment of shows then. obviously now i know shows dont tend to do stuff like that so i reassure myself#- “they probably won't die_ fail_ etc. they'll win in the end” (obviously not all shows but like kids shows and that stuff probably)#i think with most shows i could handle that possibility but i think i'm more attached to ii so_ while i could probably handle that_ it woul#like... be harder for me to like watch and handle and that stuff#anyways enough rambling on about that! wow they really ARE his OCs aren't they /JOK#(i don't actually believe they are his OCs_ since that removes their agency and i Dont Like That and i think that goes against II's themes_#but WOW drawing the ideas of them on paper... that's so OC-creator core of you mephone)
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