#cant win etc etc
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forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always
#i dont even like yogurt...#god the food situation is so bad#so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.#i can do ONE.#i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work#so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it#at night when high and finally able to feel hunger#and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain#most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3#but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i#have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons....#i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it#but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it#have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks#so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again#cant win etc etc#augh. anyway. complaining over#disordered eating#chronic illness
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ik i've done like 5 panel redraws from 265 alone but this is the last one promise
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 265#timelapse#jjk but its me and im the one possessed and i cant stop doing yuuji panel redraws :'>#fr tho im done i swear i think ive drawn all my favourite yuujis from the leaks i can stop now#....the one of him crouching while fishing Is good too tho...#IM JOKING I WON'T (today)#my pinky actually hurts rn i will rest#the thing w timelapses is theres never much 2 say abt the process bc like. its all right there#th red flash was me accidentally hitting the paint fill button gomen :'< i always do either that or i accidentally crop it#they should move those buttons further away from each other >:((((#hmm other than that total time abt 4 hours his hair fought me a bit during the render but gojo voice Nah Id Win >:)#symmetry ruler my beloved <333 until i get 2 his scars n have to turn it off rip#anyway im going 2 go rest my hand do some stretches etc etc#self care i hear they call it
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the star you've longed for
#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai#revue starlight#pjsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#emunene#prsk#proseka#yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death#HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL#Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week#im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar#thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp#i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role#rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place#Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL#though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead#revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years#Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious#but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work#aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use#idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways#emuneneweek2024#EDIT: i have decided nene gets a rapier. its awesome. thanks for coming#tsukasa has his giant flag and i dont want to budge on that. im thinking about giving rui the throwing knives since he juggles.#it would be funny. saki + rui knife juggling
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Laughingstock at 3am
"Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
"You are a worm go to bed"
ehehehehehhhhh yeah....
bonus <3
#barnaby in the morning: *not remembering Any of that* why are you upset...#howdy: im not upset#barnaby: you're cutting all of my coupons in half. you're upset#howdy: WELL YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME#barnaby: ???? WHAT????#etc etc hard cut to barnaby going outside and kissing a worm to prove his love#cue howdy crying out 'NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME???'#smh poor pup cant win....#scribble salad#rambles from the bog#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#howdy x barnaby#scribbling this was a bitch and a Half but it was sooooo worth it imo#they make me insane Insane they make me insaaaaaane!#it was mainly howdy giving me trouble. like the usual#mans got too many arms. had the hardest time figuring out where to put them all#GODDDD BUT THEYRE SO THEYRE SO!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO <3<3<3<3#fluffiest duo ever stgggggggg#literally and uh. not-literally. whats the word? whatever doesnt matter!#the Softest Sillies....#fuck fuck fuck THEY ARE STILL EMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN asdjbasjnanlasfnlasknls AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i might have to make a post about the delusional world i have in my head where theyre a Thing. the headcanons.... too many Thoughts...
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im gonna level w you, fellow medic mains. you are a lot worse at the game than you think
#not me though i fucking rock#jk i suck ass#but i mean this in a way where i know what its like#just heal ppl. pop an uber. etc.#its more abt decision making and choosing the right patient#and doing it right will win most games#but bc of this you will start thinking youre incredibly important and cant be replaced#and so the attitude of medic mains#myself included#becomes insufferable#“protect me all medpacks are mine impress me kill for me i wont uber you unless you are worthy”#meanwhile they leave anyone who isnt a heavy to die#i beg you play other classes find a main that isnt medic to get you into the action#preferably classes on the front line#itll make you a better medic if you know what the recieving end of the healing beam feels like#you will notice who the medics tend to heal over others#you will notice bad ubers and coward medics that give up on you and abandon you#you will notice their mistakes and itll affect you#its helped me get better#im slowly figuring out what to do for soldiers#tgeyre the hardest to pocket gor but its pure magic when it goes right#i main demoman and medics are allergic to me in the field man
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Huh-? Why's my sax's mouthpiece all messed up?
...
... Ah.
(wip progress + 'lineart' under read-more--)
portfest outfits are so cool looking,,,
#twst#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland port fest#floyd leech#art#ram's art#alright-! so i like port fest a lot-#mainly the aesthetics tbhhhhh#i'm biased i love water and aquatic themes and fish etc so its kinda obvious to me-#also!!! they play instruments!!!!!!!! look at them go!#unrelated never make me draw a saxophone again -#(i didn't even try and make this one 'realistic' because i . i cant draw a saxophone are u kidding me-#twst official artists show me your wayssss#also forgive the messy sketch extra underneath lol i am tireddddd#i just looked it up - high-end saxophone mouthpieces are made of something called ebonite-#apparently it's very durable - (though not. like SUPER tough like certain materials--)#I still think floyd could chew through anything if he tried hard enough so it's fineeee bitey boy 10/10#resin is used for less top tier saxophones - but he could definitely bite that easily too- win-win!#also also sorry rook i couldnt fit you in the sketch :[[[
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I have so much brainrot about Medic's wife, specifically the design from the comic doodles that Makani drew, I'm so ready to draw a whole comic about her, man I love hallucinating.
#60 seconds till mission begins rambles#But also I have so many things to do I could cry#I don't like engaging in fights about which ships are valid in the eyes of canon etc#I've seen many people try to ignore medic's wife's potential existence because it would invalidate the possibility of him being gay#insisting the doodles were drawn before Makani joined Valve; and Demo's domination line just being gibberish etc etc#That's sad to me because I think she's a REALLY cool character and I cry about her never ever coming to the official material#So listen to me; headcanon; what about#He's bisexual (and discovers he has a preference for men)#boom#we win🏳🌈#also the doodles where his wife appears are the same doodles where he's smooching heavy so why are you only reading half of the scriptures?#I'm just foaming at the mouth about the idea of Medic having a female best friend who he married and who understands him in a different way#I just like the idea of both of them being opportunistic and marrying for the societal benefits a marriage gave you back in the days#and like being the only other person to have enough blackmail material on the other#Ok no I cant talk more about this I'll give away the entire story I have in my head
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2009 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix - Sebastian Vettel
#i went on a rant last seb win about how the camerawork was so good: this one too!!!#he looks glorious this race what else needs to be said???????#THE WAY HIS EYES SPARKLE!!!!!#i will never get over this era of rbr racesuits. just the navy blue with the red lining is gorgeous to me#i could really wax poetic about their 2009-2012 racesuits. def my fav designs in color and form etc#haha you can tell when ive watched a seb win race bcs its gotta be at least 2 posts maybe 3#i cant help it!! hes my baby waby!! he deserves as many posts as i can possibly make#this is vaguely unhinged but its been nice to see his hair grow out from a buzzcut to this length throughout the season#hes very relatable. him and I do the same hair routine which i call 'the sheep'. when you cut it every once in a while after growing it out#but this and maybe a bit longer is the ideal seb hair length. he just looks soooo pretty and angelic to me <333#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#formula one#2009 abu dhabi gp#sv5#we do a little bit of f1#season: 2009
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not only we finally got a medal in this olympics (big countries wouldn’t get it), it’s the first medal for viktorija senkute ever and first in this kind of rowing !!! ahh i’m so happy for her, for our country, she was incredible 💛💚❤️
#lithuania#i really want more small countries like us to win instead of the usual america uk france china etc#i want them to win when i like someone specifically but i really wish america won much less. come on small countries lets show them.#one more blow to their ego and it will blow UP#but im so proud of my country!! and i cant wait to see my coach there as well :))
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i dont really know how to explain this, but it's incredibly frustrating to be a he/she pronoun user. every single time i go to a pride event, convention, even my queer-focused doctor, no one ever has she/he pronoun pins/buttons/stickers/etc. it's a little disheartening in a way i can't fully explain - when i went to that doctor, they had separate stickers for she/they and they/she, but none for he/she. the doctor had to clarify that i used both he/him and she/her, as if i'd written it wrong. like. are they too "opposite" to think about including? are they too "different" that no one would use them that way?
it just... i don't know, man. sucks.
#lav talks#butch#lesbian#genderqueer#gender nonconforming#okay to reblog#cant imagine what its like for neos users who dont even get a chance to see theirs on buttons/stickers/etc#like. shit. i dont even think the office had ze/hir#they had a couple neos (xe/fae/etc) but like. cmon man.#did have a slight win today bc one of my students asked if she should call me ms or mr or if i used titles at all but. otherwise#idk if this counts as a vent post but its been on my mind for a while
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really fun parallels between Minami & Nishida in which one guy who wants most of the fights he gets into generally has a bit of a dodgy win/lose ratio, meanwhile the other who has only ever welcomed one single fight in his life is the more violently competent
#ikildaman shut the fuck up#incoming tag rant whoops#nishida (rgg)#minami daisaku#and also the one fight Nishida ever welcomed was one that he lost too#to be fair it Was with Goro Fucking Majima like hes Going to lose. but still#it could also be 2 for 2 if you count the time he went on strike for majima construction where majima once again beat his ass#at least that fight was worth fighting!#its a bit of a stretch on Minami's side maybe but i've definitely always headcanoned him as being first in the water so to speak#i always thought his job was like. related to corralling the juniors. like its a misnomer title sort of. so in that environment it makes#sense. he knows what the ppl around him are/arent capable of and it'd be his responsibility to not get them majorly hurt killed et ceteras#if hes collateral though its fair game#cant experience shitty boss dad disappointment punishment so on and so forth if youre dust! win#but also i wholly believe its an ego thing esp if its related to sparring w Majima. i just know that guy fights his own men#more like Jumping them tbh Sparring has too much mutual respect implied in the act#if thrs an opportunity to lock horns with the boss Minami is all over it. this is the most attention hes had in months and it sustains him#and its definitely shortened his lifespan while he was at it#although he never wins (re: Goro Fucking Majima) but i have to wonder how well he fairs with anybody else#he managed to sweep a bunch of Saejimas friends ig. Not Saejima himself but thats obvious Saejima could punt him across the room#insert 'i read saejima throwing him across the room and got so hard i threw up' joke here etc#the fight with Akiyama didnt happen that was a fluke he doesnt exist. blah blah blah cope and seetheage#if we're gna powerscale my unironic stance is he'd put aki in the ground#& should have. & did. to me. yay. heart. okay heart
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Ooh so SOTR is a Haymitch perspective book?? okay okay okay. its so fucking over forever. just btw
#I come back from my crisis meeting and this is what i fuckin see. diabolical. god hates me#Its OVER its so over.. Suzanne what is this#EDIT: okay i take it back the cover has apollo symbolism that kinda slays. heres how the plutarch truthers can still win etc etc#but still>>#NOT EVEN A MENTOR PERSPECTIVE??? WHY!!!!!!#im sure it will be well written obv obv.. UGH BUT LIKE... ITS SO OVER!!???!?#sorry i cant be normal about this im just. no maysilee POV no nothing???????????? no plutarch??????? they hate us.#the hunger games#sunrise on the reaping#thg sotr
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has anyone actually written a lost boys harringrove au because i feel like that’s what’s missing from my life
#cant decide which way around it should be#on one hand sure santa carla it’s all very billy but something about billy moving to a new town and steve being a vampire#goes crazy idk#billy moving to hawkins and seeing all these missing posters max getting caught up with the party billy finding them at the house etc#it all works#on my mind cause i found the dvd in a charity shop yesterday AND the cinema is showing it on the 3rd#huge win for gay people (me)#ickyspeaks
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idk i just hope the tournament organizers see this (and tbh probably inevitably rome also) as a real wakeup call as to how scheduling goes and how they need to give them a goddamn break. i honestly doubt it because i do not think any organizers really give a shit about the actual players (otherwise this would probably not have happened tbh) but i hope they get it together
#this is unprecedented how many injuries we have like genuinely is this not terrifying to atp??#i think i heard rumour of dubai or someone being given a 1000 level tournament. NO!!! WE DONT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!#and i know that no city will want to give up their tournament#but somethings gotta give we cant be putting these ppl through the fucking ringer every goddamn week#i think if tennis had a more unified business model (aka novak’s players union or something)#and players had a base salary (the way literally every other sport does) rather than only getting money if you play and win#then players would be allowed to have more breaks#and not rely on pushing themselves because they have to pay coaches equipment flights doctors etc etc#idk. i think about the logistics and business and economic end of tennis A Lot#also more standardized courts/balls etc is needed but i really dont know enough about the physical aspect as much#like obv i like having three different surfaces i think its unique and fun and the adjustment period for the players is not the worst thing#but even still theres so much variation between courts of the same surface even at the same event#and balls are different too i think#idk everything in tennis is so fragmented and disconnected#like atp and wta and then each tournament has vastly different organizations so theres so many competiting stakeholders#again. novaks players union is sorely needed#whoops i wrote an essay in the tags about sports business again whateverrrrr#tennis
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god gives his weakest soldiers (me) his hardest battles (clocking into work at the dak/garly giffing station but rogers arena lighting has never been her friend)
#like... sometimes i think i'm not doing so bad making gifs and then BAM here comes a lighting situation i cannot even begin to fix#and i know i'm probably being so hard on myself because it is not that serious and i'm still newish with it and we cant win em all#but i'm someone who has to get it Immediately or i'll die etc etc that's neither here nor there btw#anyway.... we must move on . my photoshop was tweaking and that's none of my business really
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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3
#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes#you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society#its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated#i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc#we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong#there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong#we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why#call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues#and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back#and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all#but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves#levi.txt#and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad#as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand#i just. aughhhh#like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time#didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd#and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this#delete later#im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad#this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously
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