#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.

[milkweedman]

forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 12/?

Word Count: 4.4k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best friend’s name)

God idk what i’m doing with this but i’m liking it lmao

next one might honestly be smut idk

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Description of Blood, Gets heated, hints at trauma, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Y/N walked through the streets of Gotham, which were once bustling with people, but now were quiet with the occasional hooker, she had caught the city as an unlively hour, where it seemed to sleep the night away while the vigilantes of the area watched it like their lives depended on it. In some ways it did, the stories they would tell when being interviewed were horrific sometimes, but Y/N figured a decent amount of it was for dramatization, to keep the people of Gotham off of the streets to protect them all from it.

The question was always protect them from what, and they never answered. So, it never kept the people of Gotham at bay from the streets at night, and had Y/N’s car not been towed, she would have been driving home in the safe, secluded area of her car, not the vast wilderness of the streets of Gotham.

She looked up at the sky to see one of the virgate boys using a grappling hook to fly to the other building, which was such a sight to behold for someone who never witnessed a superhero beyond Superman at home. She wished and longed to know more about the vigilante, but didn’t dwell or dote on that man, because she didn’t need to.

Something told her that he was watching though, tracing every step she made to make sure she got home in one piece. She thought she was crazy, her life didnt matter more than anyone else in Gotham. He’s not following me, why would he? she thought, Even though I’m dating Jason Todd, they probably don’t know Jason, so my life doesn’t mean much more to them than any one of the hookers along this street. I’m overthinking it.

The walk home took two hours, she left Jason’s at 4am just to find herself back home at 6am, bright and early as the sun rose, ready to greet the day and all it had in store for everyone. But the things it had in store for Y/N was a class and if she was lucky, cuddling with Jason. Nothing more, nothing less.

She would open her front door, unscathed from the journey home, except maybe for a few callouses on her feet, it was the last time she wouldn't pay for more than a day of parking, that’s for sure. Heels were not the shoes you wanted for a two-hour walk home in the Autumn cold, but they were what she had.

She thought about what she was going to do next, and the first thought she had was to shower. Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to nurse the terrible headache she had and to think some things through. What she normally did in the shower.

She wanted so much more from so much of her life. the main offender of seemingly not being enough for her was Jason. Not because she didn’t want more, but because she craved more from him. He was injured, so she wouldn’t get much more rom him for the time being, and it stung a little for her. She just wanted him, maybe sexually, maybe in a more romantic setting or maybe just on her couch on a Thursday afternoon. It was all three of those options and she knew it.

She pulled out of the shower and looked at the time, 6:50am. Okay, she thought, little more time than I wanted to spend in the shower, but I guess the universe had different plans for me today. What else do you have for me, universe? And how much of you plan involves Jason?

She would open her phone after quickly getting dressed. While she still cared for her appearance, she didn’t want to dress like she owned a law firm every day, so she didn’t. Just black jeans and a black top and she felt like a million bucks. 

Just some quick outfit inspo. I like doing these a lot. I think fashion is funky :))

Artemis had sent her a message asking where she was at around 4am, she wondered why the time, but she then remembered that Artemis’ boyfriend worked with Dick Grayson, who was Jason’s brother, who worked most nights until radical hours of the night. The chances that he saw her on her two-hour walk home was high, but the chances that that had also made it back to Jason was higher. She knew she was in for it.

Hey sorry, I was at Jason’s. Fell asleep in his arms the whole shebang. And yeah, that was me who screamed the yo momma joke at the press. It was super childish, I know, but I don’t care. Those fucks are sucking my life force out of me and harassing my boyfriend, even your boyfriend.

She would then look at the articles calling her a gold digger and worth-nothing childish insulter of the press. She laughed. If the press wanted a fight from her, she was more than willing to oblige and load the canons. 

She didn’t know how to fight back that well, since it was a mainly verbal fight, and she barely even knew how to  fight physically, hence all the running and non-confrontational arguments she had had to the press.

And like fucking clockwork, Jason texted her.

Did you walk home alone or are my brothers lying bastards?

I walked. I knew someone saw me, fuck.

Why did you walk home? I thought you drove here?

I did, but we spent more than 12 hours together Jason. I didn’t buy enough hours, suddenly my car was being towed.

You could have asked for a ride home from Alfred! He would have in a heartbeat.

I was going to! But  I got distracted and it all became a blur and suddenly I was part of the way home in the dark by myself!

What if you had gotten hurt?

Well, I saw one of the vigilantes of the city on the rooftops, I’m sure if I screamed they would have seen me. They always do see that stuff.

So, your car got towed huh?

Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay it off. It’s not exactly like money my parents give me should go to my car getting towed because I got fucked over by seeing my boyfriend. 

You’ll figure it out. Sorry about the car, that’s got to suck fucking ass.

You think? I’m stuck taking the fuckin’ subway till I get my car back. I hate the subway, too many people. Far too many people. Too many eyes. It gets stressful really quickly. Might just walk every where honestly, I can’t deal with the eyes of strangers.

But you’re a C-list celebrity.

Internet is different. I can just block the bad eyes and move on with my life, you should see my block list now that some people are connecting my name to the girl who flipped off the press, thank god Twitter has a fuckin block feature.

You should really just meet my family so you don’t have to run away before they get home, would probably cause you a lot less financial stress, Y/N.

I’ll think about it.

You should think a little harder about it. I don’t want you to get your car impounded ‘cause you’re seeing me, why did you even park in pay-to-park?

Did you not see the massive mob trying to get to you? It was impossible for me to even try to pull into the driveway. Hence why I’m being insulted, you know, ‘cause I yelled at the press to get them to leave me alone. I fucking hate the press, you’re stabbed, severely injured last time they got information, and they’re harassing me, asking me what I like to do on the weekends.

Fucking vultures. Yeah, I’ve seen that. I’ve read the articles. But that’s the press for you, absolute trash and spitting bullshit in everyway.

Fucking hate the press, that’s for damn sure. Despise them. I won’t ever change that, even if, knock on wood, we break up.

Praying we don’t break up so I can see you lose your shit at the press when you’re bored.

She would get up to go make some coffee, since it was closer to 7:20am and if her roommate woke up, she could just tell her to get up anyway.

The press can suck my dick. she said.

You have a dick?

Oh yeah. Massive. 20ft long. It probably won’t even fit all the vultures.

Oh my god, that’s not as big as mine.

lmfao is it now?

Oh yeah.

Nice.

Anyway, my brothers are staying home from school today,  I think they’re making me play Resident Evil 8 with them? You know that game?

Of course. Everyone in that game is infinitely hot.

Are you bi? 

I don’t know. Haven't thought that far ahead to actually label myself. I just like people. Sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women. But you have to agree when you see them all. That game came out when I was still in  high school, so I’ve played the entire thing. My phone background is actually one of the characters.

Which one?

I’ll show you if I come over tonight.

My brothers might be in my room, though.

Okay, but, RE8 is an amazing game. So, worth it.

You won’t meet them normally but I pull out a game you love and you’re down?

I’m very easy to convince.

You still have notes to write when you come over though.

Oh yeah, I was probably going to have to come over both ways, just because I need those notes and you do too.

Do you not own a printer?

I barely even own a laptop, I’m waiting for my old one to come in the mail. 

How do you even manage?

With a whole lot of will and spite, anything is possible.

And that’s when her discord group chat @’ed her. She was on Do Not Disturb because she was Jason, and apparently they missed her.

Y/N! C’mere. One said.

Yes? Whatduhya want nerds?

We’ve decided to hold a fake internet wedding between you and Christopher. Another said.

A what.

We’re getting married!

Sometimes I wish I never left Metropolis and then I remember you fucks live there. Why are we doing this? You do know I have a boyfriend right? She asked them.

I don’t know, we’re bored and we miss you. We can have a bachelorette party in Gotham, if you want.

I’m this close to going back on DND.

The group chat was made way back when they had all first met in grade 9 and had been active ever since. They all had stayed in the city when they graduated though, but since Y/N received a scholarship, fully paid for, she took the opportunity and jumped.

They were some of her closest friends, even if they lived in a different city to her now, even if they were all busy with school, even if she was busy with school and a boyfriend, A lot of her life wouldn’t be complete without her crack friends in her hometown.

They had all ben partying like crazy while she was gone, and if she wasn’t so hung up in her own life, she’d probably be down there with them. 

Before you do, can you please explain why you’re screaming at the press, lmao.

Because fuck the press, dude. Why else? 

What did they do to you?

Have you seen the recent articles?

That’s true.

She laughed and finished her coffee. Jason had not responded yet, she assumed his brothers were either checking on him or they had started the game. It was around 8am when A/N finally left her room.

“I thought you were staying with Jason?”

“I was, but then I remembered he has like 9 siblings and I’m not about to meet them all. Then I walked home.”

“You walked?”

“Car got towed.”

“Fuck, can you afford the bill? I can’t.”

“Nope.”

“Guess we’re going to take the subway for a while, huh.”

She sighed and put her cup in the sink, “At least you don’t have school to go to and your lover comes to meet you, I have shit to do and places to be,” she frowned, “Inconvenient.”

“Could you borrow money from Jason’s dad?”

“I don’t borrow money from family, it’s hard enough for me to accept the money my parents send me.”

“I know it is, when’s your class?”

“3pm, I’ll be leaving at 12pm though, because the subway is unreliable.”

“This is going to be a hard hit for us.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s fucking your credit. Mine’s tanking.”

“You’ll pull through it.”

-------------------------------------------

She got onto the subway at 12:30pm. She really hated the way it was running. The people, the faces, the staring eyes of unwanted attention. People knew who she was and she hated it. She didn’t like the attention, she just liked the fucking with people. She wanted to get off the subway the minute she got on.

She eventually couldn’t take it and got off a few stops away, there was still a substantial walk towards the college, but she knew it would be. She even brought a leather jacket with her so that she could walk if she couldn’t take it anymore.

And there she was, in the busy streets of Gotham, walking to her college. Barely aware of the people who did stare at her, because she just kept walking, lost in her thought but aware of the people in her trail, the cross walks and the lights she was waiting for occasionally. She just kept walking until Artemis met up with her,

“Hey! I didn’t know you were walking to school today,” Artemis said.

“Oh! I didn’t want to, my car got towed though.”

“Your car got towed? That sucks so much. Well, we’re going the same way, so I’ve decided I’m going to walk with you, you get no say.”

“Of course. I was going to ask if you wanted to,” she laughed, “It’s more fun with a friend anyway, Art.”

“So, how are things with you and Jason, I’m legally obliged to ask as one of his friends.”

“Well, we made it official if that’s the kind of thing you want to hear,” she laughed again, “I’m sure it’s the answer Dick will eat up.”

“You’re right about that one. Dick’s a sucker for a romantic story, you should write one, since you write. He’d probably read it all.”

“Well, that would be fun, but I still don’t have my laptop.”

“You could use Jason’s?” Artemis suggested..

“Nah. It’ll be fine,” she said, “I’ll manage.”

“Aren’t you collecting notes for him for your psychology class?”

“I am, it’s not like he can go anywhere. I actually told him he’d need to walk eventually so that it’s not a learning curve when he’s healed.”

“That’s what all of us are telling him too, he’s a stubborn man, good luck with that one,” Artemis laughed, “He’s always been the stubborn friend. Worse than Will, actually, and Will is really bad with being stubborn.”

“It’s fine,” she laughed, “If you asked any of my Metropolis friends they’d say the same about me.”

“I bet you were quite the wild child in your heyday back in your city,” Artemis laughed, “I hate Metropolis.”

“Who doesn’t? It’s so crowded.”

“Uh, Clark doesn’t. He thrives there, no idea why, he grew up in Smallville. If anyone should be uncomfortable with Metropolis it should be the small-city country boy, but I guess it’s his thing.”

“I forget you know everyone.”

“We know a lot of people, are you’re slowly being let into our massive circle of very well-known people. Welcome to the group, I guess,” she laughed, “You'll either hate or love the fame that comes from this.”

“Well, if its paparazzi and press, I think I’ll hate it.”

“I can promise you right now that it’s not all paparazzi and press, we haven’t been bothered today, probably because we are on the move.”

“You shouldn’t say that, you’ll jinx it.”

“I know a lot about not jinxing it, but that’s a story for another time,” Y/N noticed that when Artemis said this her eyes glazed over and she looked upset.

“You don’t ever have to talk to me about something you’re not ready to talk about,” Y/N reassured her.

“Hey, the trauma makes me funny.”

“Two can play that game.”

They would ramble on for the rest of the walk to their college. Nothing really of substance, just getting to know each other further. She was glad she found a friend in Artemis, it would have sucked if the two of them didn’t get along, but with each word they exchanged, they had so much fun.

She even told Artemis about that time she played Katherine Howard in her school’s budget play of Six - The Musical. She was proud of the riffs she was able to do, but she didn’t talk about it often. She was never the type of brag about her achievements, no matter how amazing they were.

But Artemis and Y/N parted ways and Y/N went to her class and wrote the same, boring, scribbly and barely legible notes. She figured eventually she’d need nicer handwriting, but did she want to work on it? No.

When she finished, she saw Artemis and who she could only assume to be Wally, at Artemis’ class doors. She waved to Artemis, before Artemis called her over.

“Y/N! Hey, I would ask how class is, but this is Wally,” she gestured to the red-head boy beside her, and Y/N held out her hand to shake Wally’s.

“Hi, Wally.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you since Jason can’t shut up about you and my girlfriend likes you a lot.”

“Well that's sweet of you Artemis. You’re just so in love with me,” Y/N joked.

“Girl. You know it,” Artemis joked back.

“You two already have a close bond? That’s impressive,” Wally said, “Never seen anyone win over any of my friends this quickly,” he muttered.

They joked for a little while longer, just getting to know Wally before she had to go, she had to get to Jason’s.

The walk was a while away, so she went and sat on a park bench for a minute to check her phone, Jason had texted her.

Hey baby, are you coming over?

I am, yes. I actually just met Wally.

You met Wally and I wasn’t there to see it? C’mon.

Artemis introduced us! Go yell at her.

Oh. Never mind. I won’t do that.

Ha! Scared of her?

Maybe a little, she can be scary, okay?

You can’t tell but I’m laughing at you.

Dhmu.

That’s fine, I’ll just go hang out with Alfred and not you. He seems like he would be spiteful like me.

That’s unfair.

I thought you said don’t hit me up?

Fuck.

Checkmate.

I am upset.

No you’re not.

No I’m not.

She would walk down the street further, maybe within a couple steps to reach the Manor, when a man dragged her into an alleyway. She yelped.

“Uh, hello? Can I help you?” she asked, pretending she wasn’t terrified.

“How much would Bruce give me for you?” the attacker mumbled before he tried to knock her to the ground, but she had another plan.

He grabbed her, put his face close to hers, and she head-butted him, he would stumble back, and she started running to the Manor.

“Come here you fucking bitch!” he screamed. She could feel her nose bleeding as she ran and ran, the security saw her and pulled her into the gateway before drawing their guns and urging her to run to the steps of the Manor.

And she ran. The security at the door saw her and let her in, and yelled for Alfred.

“What is this nonsense, oh,” Alfred paused when he saw the blood running out of Y/N’s nose, “Miss Y/N, what happened to you?” he asked before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the entry-way bathroom and opening a first-aid kit.

“Okay so, what happened was I was walking to the Manor because my car got towed right? And this fucking bastard dude pops out from an alleyway and pulls me into it, asks some bullshit about how much Bruce would pay for me, when he grabbed me and tried to knock me down, when I head-butted him and started running,” she said, completely unphased.

Alfred didn’t respond to her and started to stop the bleeding when Bruce called for him, “In the entry-way bathroom, Master Wayne!” he answered.

Bruce came around the corner and saw Alfred was already tending to Y/N, “Well, this is the event where I meet my son’s girlfriend, when she is bleeding and running from a strange man in an alleyway.”

“Heh, sorry,” she said and outstretched her hand to shake his, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Bruce.”

“I can tell you’re going to be quite the addition to this household,” he said as he took her hand and shook it, “As long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good. I guess you can’t get mad at Jase for being a reckless man now.”

“I really can’t.”

“Alright, you should be good, Miss Y/N.”

“Thank you, Alfred. But you really didn’t have to.”

“I’ve been taking care of 5 boys and 3 girls since most of them were little, Miss Y/N. A little blood is really no big deal for me to handle.”

“That’s obvious.”

“You can go see the boys now, they’re going to ask you though,” Bruce said.

“I know.”

She walked to Jason’s room, hoping that he wouldn’t have all of his siblings in the room, he did though.

“Hey, Y/N- what the fuck happened to you?” Jason exclaimed when she opened the door.

“Oh great, all your siblings are here. Anyway, I guess,” she paused, taking in a big breath so she could run through the events quickly, “So I was walking here ‘cause my car got towed, right? When some fucking bastard man grabs me and yanks me into an alleyway and starts going off about how much Bruce will pay him to get me back or something,” she paused again, “And when he tried to knock me down by getting really close and personal to my face, like an idiot I should add, I head-butted him.”

“You did what?’

“I’m not done yet, met your dad when I actually had blood running out of my nose because that's just my fucking luck. Okay, now you can be disappointed in me,” she joked.

“I will say again, you did what?”

“Something stupid?” she said.

“You could say that again, my god, what went through your head?”

“Uh, nothing. Just survival. Fight or flight but I head-butted a man, and hi, everyone.”

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Dick,” Dick said, “You clearly are meant for Jason,” he joked, “That's something he would do.”

“Don’t encourage her, Dick!”

Stephanie got up and greeted her, “You know, Y/N, I always wanted a crazy sister,” she joked, “I’m Stephanie, the black-haired girl is Cass, and the red-head is Barbara.”

“Me too,” Cass hopped onto the joke.

“It’s something else when you meet the girl your brother is dating after she head-butted a man, apparently,” Y/N laughed, “I know it’s far-fetched-”

“Not really,” Tim cut her off, “You know Jason protected Will when they were attacked?”

“That’s Tim, by the way,” Dick said.

“So you can’t yell at me for head-butting a man!” Y/N joked at Jason while going to sit beside him, he slinged an arm around her shoulder and leant his head into her head.

“Well, you seem like a nice enough girl,” Barbara said, “Take away the reckless behavior, and you are lovely.”

“That is valid, to be honest. Not exactly the way you want to meet your brother’s girlfriend.”

“You think?” Jason asked, sarcastically.

“Ha ha.”

“See, she thinks I’m funny, why can’t you fucks?”

Y/N laughed and then asked Dick, who was playing RE8 at the time, staring at the photo of Donna Bentiveno, “She’s cute, isn’t she, Dick?”

“Have I been staring?”

“Let’s just say Angie is probably very pissed at you.”

“Oh! Whoops. There’s a point to this, I forgot.”

“I don’t blame you, I remember forgetting there was a point and the little bitch devil doll would attack you.”

“Language.”

“Oh no, you’re lame. Gross.”

“Excuse me?” Dick asked as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.

“Do you guys see why I like her now?” Jason asked.

“Uh no, she’s mean,” Dick said.

“You’re going to die if you don’t start paying attention, Dick,” Y/N said.

“Oh!” and he died.

“And that kids, is why we listen to the person who’s 100%’ed the game.”

------------------------------

Y/N and Jason would spend hours with his brothers and sisters until the sun started to set and they all scattered to their own rooms to  do their own things. you can’t keep a lot of kids in one room for so long.

Once everyone left, Y/N placed her hands on Jason and kissed him, she was actually able to be laid on his pillow, he was able to pin her to the bed. And they did just that. He was on top of her, using his one arm to prop himself up and using his other hand to touch her face.

Her hands found their way into his hair like they always did, she found a lot of joy in playing with his hair. Their tongues danced together, they never fought or anything, they just enjoyed each other when Jason let out a small moan and she let out a small laugh.

“Keep it in your pants, Tiger,” she joked, “You’re not fully healed.”

“You literally smashed your face into another man but I can’t moan when I kiss you?”

“Because I know you want more.”

“Hell yeah I do,” he said as he went back for more, actually using his strength to keep her to the bed, but she didn’t protest this time.

[saffronwritings]

An Accident that Defines You

Pairing: Villain Deku x reader

Warnings: Uhhhhhh angst? LOL

A/N: This is something i wrote before starting all of my newer stuff. I really enjoy the thought of Villain!Deku for some reason.. This is also where the character has a quirk to deactivate their own and other’s hearing. It’s explained in the one-shot. 

“Izuku, it’s not safe here!” I shouted towards him as we continued to fight off the attacking villains. “We need to get these people out of here and take the battle elsewhere!” Iida shouted after me. We agreed to get the remaining civilians out of the fight zone. I quickly activated my quirk to distract two of the attacking villains I could see within range.

I huddled together three of the civilians in my area and took them towards a separate building. “Ma’am, are we going to survive this attack?” One of the gentlemen asked in a panicked state. “You have some of the best students from UA in the area. You are all going to be safe with us.” I smiled at him reassuringly. With the use of my quirk on two villains, my own hearing started to diminish. I knew better than to attempt more than one person at a time.

Aizawa warned me of the over usage of my own quirk. I knew the dangers that it possessed. However, we needed a distraction. We needed an upper hand in this never-ending fight. There was only six of us from UA; Izuku, Katsuki, Iida, Shinsou, Kirishima, and me. We were all out celebrating from a long week of testing and exams. We were prepping to take the final exit exam to become pro heroes. We were just walking downtown to grab something to eat when the attack happened.

Bakugou was off in a moment’s time and Kirishima was after him. Iida was rounding up civilians to try and keep them safe. Shinsou and Izuku were fighting off the numbers of villains. I was back up and helping Iida round up civilians. I was good as a versatile hero; I could be used in both the fight and in rescue. After waving the civilians off to a safe place, I trudged back towards the fight.

Izuku and I locked eyes and I could tell he was getting spent. He had been practicing so hard to get One for All under control and making it his own. We spent many days training together with hand to hand combat. He always took it easy on me since my quirk wasn’t really close combat. We had grown so close to each other in these last few months. He was about to activate it to its fullest potential and really injure himself.

At that moment, I made a decision that I knew shouldn’t have been made. Everyone around me pulsed and that’s when I went overboard. I shut off everyone’s hearing in a three-mile radius, including my classmates. Izuku looked over at me just as soon as my quirk activated with his eyes wide. My ears felt like they were under so much pressure that I flinched as I attempted to stand up. A villain made his way over to me in anger, realizing that I was the source of his hearing loss.

I saw the panic in Izuku’s eyes when he saw the villain stalking my way. “MOVE.” He attempted to shout, and I was able to read his lips. My eyes widen as I saw the position of his fingers. One that we all knew came with extreme power. I quickly ran out of the way as soon as he let go of his finger, sending a blast of power where the villain was, and I had previously been. I was caught by the blast and pushed a bit more towards the road.

There was a ringing in my ears from my quirk being so overused. I felt nauseated and weak from the usage. I picked myself up from the ground to see the destruction of Deku’s attack. The pavement was upturned roughly. I looked over to him to see him panting and heading my way. The ringing kept going and I couldn’t hear anything going on around me. Before I could even process it, Bakugou was blasting Deku in the opposite direction.

I was befuddled. This was not the time for their little bouts. Suddenly Iida was crouching in front of me. “We need to go. Now.” He directed with a look of panic in his eyes. I gave a look of confusion and turned to look at the thing his eyes were focused on. Behind me was the gentleman who I saved earlier, lying crumpled on the ground in the midst of where Deku’s blast hit. I scrambled to my feet and ran over to the man, not worrying about my own well-being. “Sir!” I shouted, shaking his body, feeling his neck for a pulse. I found nothing. “Sir!!” I shouted louder, still shaking his body. I felt the color drain out of my face.

I felt tears swell in my eyes. I had failed him. I felt a hand grip my shoulder and knew instantly that it was Iida. I turned around to see him looking at me solemnly. “We need to go get Izuku!” I mouthed to Iida who shook his head. “What do you mean no?” I shouted at him. Iida looked frustrated and looked to his side and suddenly  Shinsou Hitoshi  was right next to him. They were both arguing for a moment before Shinsou made eye contact with me. “We need to go. NOW.” I read from his lips. “Absolutely not!” I tried to counter, but I felt my body go weak. Shinsou came over to me and threw me over his shoulder. “Let’s go Iida.” He shouted and started to head off in the opposite direction.

 ...

I woke up startled as I felt sweat dripping from my body. That day was drilled in my head as a reoccurring nightmare. The day that changed the mood of our high school careers. We all felt the same pain of turning in Izuku to the police for the murder of a civilian. It was hard to grasp, and I knew it was an accident. However, everyone else thought otherwise. They all convinced me to keep my distance and not seek him out. My heart ached thinking of the pain that he was in.

I hadn’t seen Izuku since that incident. Hitoshi and Iida had taken me by force from the scene. Bakugou was cursing the entire way back with Kirishima on his tail. We made it back to the dorms and let Aizawa-sensei know what had happened. The color drained from his face before ordering a lockdown of the dorms and fled the building quickly. We got news of Izuku’s disappearance the following morning. He had fought a few pro-heroes in the process. Injuring Endeavor and even Al Might.

The following week he was spotted with the leader of the League of villains, Shigaraki Tomura. Before anyone could get close to them, they had fled the scene. That was over two months ago. UA had gone silent on the incident and didn’t speak further into detail about it. The five of us that were involved that night had all changed. I didn’t speak to Iida or Hitoshi for weeks. I avoided everyone as best as I could. I was so infuriated with how things happened.

For the longest time, I blamed myself for using my quirk to the point of exhaustion. I always wondered if I hadn’t deafened Izuku’s hearing if he would have heard Iida’s warning shout. We could still all be studying together to pass our exit exams instead of all of us keep to ourselves. You could tell how tense the entire school was about the situation at hand. A lot of Izuku’s clothes and personal items had gone missing from his dorm room shortly after the incident.

That was the last time we think he was ever on school grounds. After that, he was a ghost. I don’t think I ever fully forgave Iida and Hitoshi’s actions that night for not allowing me to go to Izuku. They all viewed him with harsh eyes for the accident that happened. A shudder went down my spine as I got up out of my apartment bedroom to grab a glass of water.

A flash of green made me drop my glass of water and it instantly shattered on the ground. “Wait, Y/N.” Izuku’s voice chilled me to the bone. It was raspy and broken. “Izuku?” I whispered in shock. “Yes, it’s me doll.” He whispered, crossing the threshold of my apartment to embrace me in his arms. The nickname he had given me in private brought a flush of warmth to my cheeks. I quickly wrapped my arms around him tightly. I felt tears spilling from my eyes almost instantly.

“Oh god, doll. It’s so good to see you again.” He whispered nervously. We had never really told anyone about our relationship. We kept it private because of everything going on. We didn’t need our classmates to tease us about our relationship. We had been dating a little under six months before the accident happened. I pulled away from him to really take a good look at him. His hair was disheveled and wild. His eyes were no longer the bright green I knew. They were dark and one of his eyes had turned red in color.

“Izuku what happened to you…” I whispered, putting a hand up to his cheek. “It’s been awful doll. They have been searching for me endlessly. I’ve had to hide and stay hidden.” He whispered, leaning into my hand. He turned his face towards my palm and gave it a soft peck. “How did you know I lived here now? You’ve been missing for two months.” I graveled at him.

“I’ve kept my tabs on you. I was making sure you were safe. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew any harm had come to you because of me.” He snarled. The soft innocent boy I had known two months ago was gone. Yet, he was still Izuku. He still cared deeply about me regardless of the situation.

“What are we going to do, Izuku?” I asked with a strained voice. I covered my mouth with my hand to stop the racking sobs that kept coming. “Oh, doll. Don’t cry, it’s okay now.” He cooed as he helped me to the floor. We sat close together on my kitchen floor. He kept rubbing circles on my hand and looking from my hand to my face. “I still can’t get over the fact I am actually here with me right now,” I whispered as I was attempting to get myself together.

“What are you doing with the league of villains, Izuku?” I asked after we had a moment of silent pause. I could feel him stiffen at the question. “Y/N… You have to understand, that I was not safe anywhere. Tomura was the only one to offer me any kind of solace. A place to hide. Someone who was willing to work with me when everyone else stared at me in disgust.” He explained in a low voice. You could hear how broken he was about this whole situation. “You don’t view me as a monster like everyone else, do you?” He whispered, as if almost afraid to receive the answer.

“It was an accident, Izuku. You were trying to save me from my own mistake.” I whispered. “I let you down by overusing my quirk. Hadn’t I used the last bit of strength I had, you wouldn’t have had to use your power. We would have graduated UA together. We would have been going out and starting our paths as heroes.” I managed to say in between sobs.

“What has everyone else said?” He asked coldly. “You can already imagine. I separated myself from them. I still haven’t forgiven Hitoshi or Iida for taking me away from you. When you needed someone the most. When you needed me the most.” I told him. I looked over at him with sorrow in my eyes. Izuku was staring at me when I turned to look at him. His eyes were piercing mine as if looking into my soul.

There was a loud knock on my apartment door. “Y/n? Is everything alright?” the voice of Kaminari said. Izuku looked both shocked and pissed off. “You live near, Kaminari?” He snarled quietly. “They insisted that I needed to be watched over. They won’t leave me alone.” I sighed, standing up. “I’ll get him to go away if you wanted to just stay in my bedroom.” I continued. He stood up and pulled me to him roughly. As soon as I caught my breath, his lips collided with mine. I instantly melted into his touch, his kiss.

However, he pulled away sooner than I would have anticipated. “I would love to stay, doll. I really would.” He grimaced, staring at the front door. “We will see each other soon. I promise you.” Before I knew it, he was gone in a flash of green. My heart ached for his presence. I held it together while going up to my front door. I took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hi, Kaminari,” I said in a cold voice.

His stare was hard to read. “Y/N… who was with you just now?” He asked, making my heart skip a beat. “What are you talking about, Kaminari? You know I live alone.” I stated in a calm even tone. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He said before grabbing onto my wrist.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a room with steel walls. “What the…” I started to say before the door slammed open. “Ground Zero…” I whispered as I looked at Katsuki in the eyes. His expression was also hard to read. “Don’t bullshit me, y/n. Where did Izuku go?” He asked in a steady voice. “I don’t know what you’re insinu-” I started to say before Katsuki slammed his fist onto the wall. “Dammit, stop lying! We know he stopped by your apartment last night.” He shouted.

“Why does it matter, Katsuki!? What are you going to do?” I yelled at him back. “Bring him into justice like he deserves! He killed someone, y/n!” He yelled back at me. I stood up abruptly and got in his personal space. “It was an accident and you knew that! He wouldn’t have done that on purpose! You are the whole reason he fled! You all believed he was a monster!” I shouted while stabbing my finger into his chest. His eyes were boring down into mine.

Suddenly his eyes softened at me before closing the door. Securing the two of us alone in the room. I didn’t know whether the room was bugged or not. “Y/N I know this is hard for you. Out of all the people that knew Izuku the best, it was you. He told me about how you two were dating before the incident happened. He confided in me before he even asked you out because he was a nervous wreck that damn nerd.” He started to say. Bakugou knew about Izuku and I. This was going to get dangerous quickly.

“You have to give me any information you have about him.” He said in almost a whisper. Bakugou wasn’t one to let his emotions down easily around people. He almost seemed defeated by his statement. He walked away from me and slammed his fist into the wall again. “I was supposed to be battling with him for the number one hero spot. Not chasing him down as one of the most wanted villains.” He strained out. “I wish I could tell you something, Katsuki. I really do. He stopped by my apartment last night and just told me he wanted to see me.” I told him, keeping Tomura out of the picture.

He sighed before rubbing his temple. “Okay, I’m sorry for the force we had to use to get you here. When sparky called me saying that he heard something break in your apartment then heard another muffled voice, I gave him the okay to use force. That damn nerd must have fled before Kaminari could get him. Not that he could have anyway.” He sneered. “Yeah, not the first-time force has been used against me in your guys’ favor.” I spit back.

“You would have followed him, Y/N.” He barked at me. “So what?” I sneered right back. “We couldn’t have two students go off the deep end! Izuku is dangerous now. He is willing to do anything to keep himself hidden.” He remarked. “I want to go home,” I demanded suddenly. Katsuki huffed and rolled his eyes. “It’s only going to get worse before it gets better. You know, that, right? He has to be brought to justice.” He barked at me again. This time I bit my tongue and turned my gaze to the opposite wall. “Fine, go ahead and go home. However, we are going to stake out your place since the sighting of a villain has been apparent.” He said while emphasizing the word villain.

I stood up and brushed past him on my way out. Kaminari was in the front lobby of Bakugou’s new agency. I activated my quirk as I walked by him to deactivate both my hearing and his. His expression changed when he saw me walk past him without being able to hear me. This would not be the end of my encounters with Bakugou’s crew from his agency.

Things were not easy for the following weeks as I knew I was being staked out by the pro heroes. I was almost associated as a villain because of my private meeting with Izuku. My heart was aching because I was not sure who to believe nor what to do. I knew that I needed to focus on my own hero work and getting in with an agency and who best than with Mirio Toogata.

He was more than ecstatic to take me in as an intern for his agency. I started working hard on blending in with the rest of my class while working for a pro hero agency. I hadn’t heard or seen Izuku since the night in my apartment. I saw from the news of more sightings with him with the League of Villains. The agency did their best to keep it quieter since they knew I was once close with Izuku. I was only hoping that he was staying safe and not making any more rash decisions.

Eight months had passed before we heard anything about any attack led by the League of Villains. Izuku was no longer front-page news, but more of an addition whenever the league was brought up. I hadn’t heard anything from him. He did not stop by my apartment again after the incident where Kaminari stopped by.

I wasn’t expecting to see him today. I was running errands on my day off from patrolling the city. There wasn’t that much villain activity lately which you would have thought that would have been a great thing. Yet, it put all of us heroes on edge because we were waiting for the next attack. I was passing the local convenience store and caught a glimpse of green from the corner of my eye.

I turned slowly to see the familiar curly green locks that I could pick out of a crowd. “It can’t be…” I whispered as we locked eyes. His face remained neutral to seeing me. He was standing in an alleyway as if waiting for someone. He wore a suit that hugged his frame. His sweet demeanor was no longer there. “Hello, doll.” He said, quickly making his way towards me. I knew I should have run and called for backup. Every inch of my body screamed for me to attack.

I couldn’t bring myself to do that. “Izuku...” The words came out of my mouth as if struggling. “You don’t have to be afraid, my doll. I was waiting for you.” He said, strolling up to me and taking my hand into his. He pulled lightly for me to follow him. Quickly snapping out of my daze I pulled my hand away from him. “What do you mean you were waiting for me? Izuku, they could catch you if anyone notices you!” I shrilled, panic rising up in my voice. This made his eyes glisten with excitement. He had changed completely in the months we hadn’t seen one another. His presence was different and something felt off.

“I knew you would eventually come this way, and I just had to see you. It’s been far too long since I’ve had the pleasure of being graced with your presence.” He cooed, putting a hand upon my cheek, stroking his thumb against my skin. His fingers were so calloused.

I took all of me not to melt into his touch. I stepped away from him and attempted to walk away. He was being reckless and you did not want to be the reason he got locked away for good. He grabbed my wrist tightly. “You don’t think you can leave me so soon, do you?” He asked. “Izuku, we both know we are two opposite sides of the same coin. You are at risk of being brought to justice and I cannot follow you.” I grimaced, trying hard to keep my composure.

It was hard not to let the tears flow out of my eyes. I had been anticipating seeing him again. The guy who I had such strong feelings for. One I had put all my trust and hopes into. The one who I imagined becoming the number one hero, to replace All Might. “I won’t fight you, or bring you into the pros. I can’t do that to you, Izuku. However, I cannot follow your path of villainy.” I said, the words struggling to form a coherent sentence in between my wracking sobs.

He stepped closer and wrapped his strong arms around me. “I had no choice, doll. You know this. “ His lips next to my ear. Hot breaths sending chills down my spine. “I miss you so much doll. I am so sorry I am making this difficult for you.” He whispered, nuzzling his face into my neck.

Tears were steadily flowing down my face. I wanted nothing more for things to go back to normal. Where all of our fellow classmates didn’t label my dear Izuku a villain. I turned around in his embrace. “I miss you, Izuku, more than you could ever imagine,” I whispered.  “You could join me; I will keep you safe. Nothing would ever come between us again.” He suggested to me not to miss a breath. A tempting offer.

“You know you need inside information,” I told him, tears streaming down my face. I never imagined I would ever betray the pro heroes in order to give Izuku information. While I told Izuku I would never follow down his path, I knew I was slipping down the blurred line. He put his index finger under my chin to bring me to look up at him. When had he become this much taller than me?

“One day, my doll. I will keep you safe and we will never have to worry about the others. We will have an escape.” He murmured while looking deep into my eyes. He placed a soft kiss to my forehead and lingered there for a moment’s time. “Soon, my love. We will be together again. Permanently.” He said before walking off into the shadows. 

[yayeetsonny]

Knucklehead Moves~USWNT x Baby Reader

Prompt: Similar to the imagine “Skateboarding Shenanigans” baby r gets hurt and faints... 

Requested by: @laikato​

Y/N PRO//

My name is Y/N L/N and I have 22 “moms”and sisters. Now I know what you’re thinking “22 of them? How?” Well you see I’m the youngest player on the USWNT at 16 years old, and as such the older players feel the need to be protective and parental in every situation and the younger ones are treated much the same way that I am. I’m sure if they had it their way I’d be wrapped in bubble wrap and carried around 24/7. They’re always saying how I’m “ the clumsiest kid they know.” and a “knucklehead” when it comes to doing anything that doesn’t involve kicking around a soccer ball. I wholeheartedly disagree but they’ll hear nothing of it. Speaking of the team, they’re picking me up from the airport any minute now. 

“Y/N!”

I turned around to see all of my teammates running towards me, breaking into a run myself I met them halfway.

“Hey guys!”

“Short stack! How you been?”

“Kiddo! We missed you!”

“You’ve grown since we saw you last!”

I continued to be greeted like that and made sure to give everyone a hug.

“I haven’t grown that much!” I playfully rolled my eyes

“Yes you have.” They all said

After we finished our Hello’s and got my bag from the luggage claim we split into groups and made our way to the hotel we were staying at for this camp. I was in a car with Alex, Tobin, Kelley, Morgan, and Megan.

“So kid, how’s school?” Tobin asked.

‘it’s good. I’m passing all my classes and I nailed my history test last week.”

“That’s awesome! Good job bub.” Christen said

“Thanks.”

“Any accidents?” Megan said smirking at me.

“U-um, no. No accidents.” I fidgeted in my seat.

“Mhm. How many?”

“3.”

“How bad.”

“Only ever a 4 or less.”

“A 4 on your scale is a 7 on anyone else’s scale.”

“Is not!”

“Right, well what about that time you injured yourself after you fell down a flight of stairs and then said “It’s only a 4.”?” Alex asked 

Everyone else gave me a knowing look while chuckling at the offended look on my face.

“It was!”

“Okay, okay. Settle down. We’re only teasing.” Morgan said

“in all seriousness though, you have got to be more careful Y/N.”

I just rolled my eyes playfully at them as we pulled up to the hotel. When we got out Megan was determined to carry my bag for me.

“Pinoe I can carry my stuff.” 

“I know but I just want to be helpful.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“Besides kiddo, I wanted to carry you.” Alex said taking me by surprise and picking me up and all but cradling me.

“Alexxx. I’m a big girl, I can walk.”

“Just let it happen Y/N.” Tobin laughed

“Ugh, fineee.”

When we got into the lobby to find out room assignments Alex finally put me down, with a pat to my butt and told me to “Stay close.”

“Yes mom.” I said jokingly.

I took off in the direction Morgan had gone and caught up with her, Mal, Lindsey, Sam, Emily, Tierna and Rose.

“Hey guys!”

“Hey Y/N! You ready for camp?” Sam asked

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

“You ready for all the pranks we are gonna pull?”

“Yeah Sonny, I am. What are you guys thinking?” I giggled

“Well what about the good ol’ water bucket above the door trick?”

“Nah, that’s such an amateur move.” Lindsey said

“Ooo, what if we switched the water with… flour?” Mal said

“That sounds like quite the mess but that’s what we’re known for. I’m in.” Sam said

“Me too.”

“Me three.”

“Are you guys sure that’s a good idea? You know how the girls are about their hair.” I said hesitantly

“Aw, come on Y/n. Don’t be a chicken.” 

“I just don’t want the others to kill us.”

“Why would we kill you?” Carli asked coming out of nowhere.

“No reason!” We all said

“Mhm. What’re you hooligans planning?”

“Wha- why would you think we were planning anything?” I said nervously

“Well, for starters I’m talking to the youngest players on this team and every time we come to camp someone always ends up either getting their hair dyed or with itching powder in their underwear and it’s always traced back to one of you.” She said, giving us a look.

“Oh would you look at that, it’s time to go up to our rooms. Come on Y/N, you’re rooming with me!” Lindsey said, grabbing my hand and dragging me away.

“Thanks a lot guys!” Morgan called after us as we ran away.

“Lindsey, Y/n, walk!” Alex scolded as we passed her.

“Yes mom!” We replied

We made it up to our room and decided to do rock paper scissors for the bed closes to the bathroom. I won of course. 

“We have today off to settle in right?” I asked

“Yeah, why?”

“You wanna see if the others wanna go to a park for a little 4v4?” 

“Yeah!”

I texted the group I had with the other “Youngins” and told them to meet us down stairs in 5 to go to the park. They all agreed and said they would get a ball from the coaching staff. I texted the group I was in with the veterans and let them know where I was going, with who and that we’d be back soon. I received several

“Be safe.” 

“Make sure to wear your sweater, it’s chilly.” And 

“Be careful, don’t get hurt.” Texts. Moms I swear, always thinking it’s chilly.

I was pretty certain I wasn’t going to get hurt and that I didn’t need a sweater but I replied and promised that I’d wear one and that I would be careful. The girls and I met in the lobby and made our way to a park that we knew was nearby. 

The 4v4 started out pretty smoothly, It was me, Lindsey, Tirena, and Sam on one team and Mal, Rose, Emily and Morgan on the other. My team was down by 2 but I knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long. Sam crossed the ball to me and I went to head it passed Morgan.

 What happened next was like one of those freak accidents that if I had shifted my body even an inch away or had been a second earlier or later it wouldn’t have happened. Emily kicked her foot out to clear the ball away and instead made contact with my forehead. I hit the turf with a deafening thud and stayed down in a heap. Getting kicked in the head is just as nasty as it sounds. I could definitely feel blood gushing from my head.

“Y/N! Oh, shit! I’m so so sorry. I was only ever aiming for the ball I swear!” 

Emily was the first to reach me the others close behind. Her and Sam turned me over to look at my head and gasped when they saw the blood

“Moms are gonna kill us!” Emily said

“Nu uh, Emily they are gonna kill you.”

 “Who cares who they’re gonna kill! We have to do something!”

Mal and Morgan set to work, Morgan texting Abby and telling her what happened, making her swear not to tell until we at least made it look like I wasn’t dying and Mal taking her shirt off and pressing it to my forehead to stop the blood. Rose was doing her best to calm Emily who was distraught and Tierna was doing the same for Sam. 

“How you feeling Y/N?” Mal asked 

“Like I got kicked in the head.” I replied

“We’re gonna take you back to the hotel and have the medical staff stitch you up.”

“How are we gonna get passed all the vets?”

“uhhh… Not a clue.” Rose said

“We’re gonna be in so much trouble.”

After they were finally able to make the bleeding stop just enough to get me up and help me back to the hotel, we sent Morgan ahead to see if the coast was clear. When she signaled to us that it was we made our way in and quickly headed to see the medical staff. The others surrounded me so that I was hidden from any curious onlookers

“What seems to be the problem ladies?” Dawn asked

“Uhh, well… Y/N sorta got kicked in the head during a 4v4 in the park.” Emily said, moving aside to show Dawn.

Dawn just shook her head, said something like “of course she did.” And told me to sit on the table so the medics could stitch me up.

“You know the others will want to know what happened, right?”

“Dawn, please don’t tell them. I will, but not yet.”

She gave me an unimpressed look but agreed none the less.

“Geez kid, you’re always getting hurt.” The medic chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

They finished the stitches and told me how to take care of them and sent us all on our way. The girls did the same thing they did last time in case we ran into the girls, this time I had my hood up to cover my wound.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Ashlyn asked, coming up to us.

“Nothing!” We all said.

“Okay, what are you guys hiding?”

“Nothing. We gotta go though, bye Ash.” I said before I pushed Emily and Lindsey forward so they would start running.

Ashlyn PRO//

“Those kids are definitely hiding something.” I thought, shaking my head and walking back to my room with Ali.

“Hey babe?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you noticed the youngins acting weird lately?”

“No, why?”

“I dunno, it’s just that they were walking all tightly together and whispering about something and when I asked them what was up they all were acting weird. Especially Y/N.”

“Hmm, I’ll text Alex to see if she can get them to talk about it.”

She sent her a text and received a reply saying that she would wait in Y/N and Lindsey’s room, after asking the staff for an extra key and that she would let us know. 

“I hope they’re okay.”

“I’m sure they are, they probably just set up a messy prank again.” I shrugged.

Alex PRO//

After tricking the receptionist into giving me a key to Y/N and Lindsey’s room, I decided to just wait on Y/N’s bed. I would see what was really going on. I felt like I had been waiting forever when the door opened and all the young players on the team made their way inside.

“Well here’s what we’re not gonna do…”

They didn’t even seem to notice me yet, talking among themselves. Emily was the first to spot me, and when she did I saw all the color drain from her face.

“A-Alex?”

“Alex? What about her?” Morgan asked still not looking in the direction of the bed. Emily stopped her in her tracks and pointed to where I was sitting. Everyone else finally saw me and much like Emily they looked scared. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. Is there something you guys want to tell me?” I said sternly

“W-well… you see… what had happened was-”

I cut her off when I saw Y/N was swaying on her feet and holding her head. She looked like she was going to pass out.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” I asked jumping up and going to her.

“I-I…” 

She didn’t get to finish because she fainted, I was able to catch her and hold her up with ease. My focus then shifted to the seven guilty players standing timidly by the door.

“Explanation. Now.” I growled

“I kicked Her in the head! I’m sorry!” Emily cried

“YOU WHAT?”

I picked Y/N up and carried her over to the bed where I laid her head gently on the pillow.

“Someone go get a cold wash cloth and someone call Christen, Ali and Ashlyn. Now.”

They all immediately started scrambling to do what I said and I could tell they were even more scared than before.

“I can’t believe none of you thought to tell us. Completely irresponsible. Does any one else know about this?” 

I gasped when I removed her hoodie and saw the stitches.

“We went to Dawn when we got back and we begged her not to tell. And we texted Abby right after it happened but same thing.” Mal said

Dammit Dawn.

“Tell Abby to get her ass in here, right now.” 

I took the cold rag from Emily and pressed it gently to Y/N’s cheek, neck and then being extra careful around her stitches, pressed it to her head.

“Y/N, open your eyes baby. You’re okay. Please open your eyes.” 

She slowly started to open her eyes, looking around wildly before trying to sit up.

“Wha- where am I?”

“You’re in your room baby. Take it easy, you need to lay down.” I cooed

She kept trying to sit up but I gently pushed her back down every time.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

Knocking sounded from the door and Rose went to answer it.

“Hey Al, what’s the- ”

“Oh my god, what happened?” Christen exclaimed.

“Emily kicked Y/N in the head.”

“You what?!” The newcomers yelled

“And Abby knew about it this whole time.”

“You knew?! Why didn’t you tell us?!”

“Ow, guys cool it with the yelling.” Y/N whined

“Sorry babe.” Ali said

“Sorry, kid. Our bad.” Ash said.

“I said I was sorry! It was an accident, I swear!”

“I swore I wouldn’t tell!”

“Guys, seriously.”

“Sorry, we’ll be quiet.”

“How the fuck did you manage to kick her?”

“We were playing a 4v4 game and when she went to head the ball passed Morgan I went to kick it out and got her forehead instead.”

“Jesus.” Ali said rubbing her temples.

“It was an accident?” I asked

“Completely.”

“You’re all grounded.” Christen said.

“What? that’s not fair!”

“ Actually it’s completely fair. You need to be careful and I know it was an accident but what you did was reckless and someone got hurt, and you hid it from us and we only found out after Y/N passed out.” I said leaving no room for argument

“What about Y/N? Why isn’t she grounded?” Tierna whined

“She’s hurt and I think that’s punishment enough.” Ashlyn said

“We’ll be with her 24/7 from now on anyways.” I added

“mmm… Nooooo” Y/N whined.

“it’s for your own good, kiddo.”

Later we told the whole team what happened and to say they weren’t please was an understatement. I had to talk Kelley down from kicking Sonnett’s ass and Becky had to convince Megan to switch rooms with her so she wouldn’t kill Morgan. The same could be said for the others. They understood that it was an accident but they hated that the girls hid it from us.

“How is she?” Kelley asked, having come over to check on our youngest teammate

“She could be better, she’s still groggy but she’s better than she was.” I shrugged

“What are we gonna do with her?”

“I vote bubble wrap.” Christen said

“I second that.” Tobin said

“Guys, that’s a little extreme don’t you think?” Ali chuckled

“She’s such a knucklehead though. She hid a pretty nasty injury from us. It’d be a way to make sure she’s safe.” Ashlyn chimed in

“Mmm, no. Ali is right. We’ll just have to keep a closer eye on her from now on.”

“I can take care of myself.” She mumbled, starting to wake up.

“We’re sure you can bub, but after today and at least for a little while we’re going to be hovering and babying you more than usual.” Chris said

“Ugh. Whatever.” She grumbled

We chuckled at her but we knew she would appreciate it anyways and that she secretly loved it when we babied her. 

She definitely was a piece of work sometimes and she kept us on our toes but we loved her more than anything and would always be there to help her when she was down.

//

Sorry for any mistakes

-N

[thedeliverygod]

Yatori Week 2020: Day 2

this is hot off the press because I like to punish myself like that. 

Reunion

“Yato, you’re stupid.” Hiyori had his head cradled in her lap, his body weak and bloodied as she cried over him, “So stupid.”

“I know.” He answered with as much of a grin as he could manage.

They both looked up as they heard footsteps come closer to them. Bishamon looked down at him disdainfully, “Agreed. I can’t believe you would defile Kazuma with any name of yours.”

Yato only managed an eye roll before he burst into a fit of coughing, unable to defend himself.

“It was my fault, Viina.” Kazuma called over from where he leaned against a wall, looking to the side as he admitted, “I was actually the one who forced him into it.”

Her eyes widened and her lips parted in shock, “O-oh…”

“...Anyway, Rekki…” Yato lifted his hand, hovering just above his chest and a kanji appeared before Kazuma, “I hereby release you.”

Everyone watched in awe as the name vanished into a bright display of blue light. Kazuma, stunned, opened the top of his shirt to confirm that the name had been removed from his body.

Collapsing his head back onto Hiyori’s lap, Yato mumbled, “There, it’s like it never happened.”

“Easy for you to say.” Yukine sniffled from the other side of Hiyori.

“I didn’t mean it like—” He quickly tried to sit before he gave a sharp inhale, overwhelmed by pain and fell back onto Hiyori.

“Yato, you can’t move like that right now! You’re too badly wounded.” She immediately scorned him, though brushed her fingers through the top of his hair as a way to keep him in place.

Bishamon turned around, the heels of her shoes scraping against the dirt. “Kazuma, I think it’s best if we head home now. I think we all have a lot to talk about.”

Kazuma looked over to Hiyori who gave a small nod and an appreciative smile. Shakily, he held onto the wall and pulled himself up, answering, “Alright.” He took a step forward and immediately felt his knees give under the pressure of his weight, but felt something catch him before he fell to the ground.

“I’ve got you.” Bishamon wrapped an arm around him to support his weight. Eyeing him carefully, she warned, “And don’t you dare lie to me about how injured you are.”

He sighed but gave a soft smile as they continued forward, “I won’t.”

Yato smirked as he watched Kazuma being rushed off by the war god, “I’m sure that’s practically a dream come true for him, being carried off by the psycho bitch like that.”

“Yato, focus.” Hiyori nodded towards Yukine, who now had his knees pulled up to his chest as he cried silently.

He let out a deep sigh before calling out, “Yukine.”

The younger boy popped his head up, “What?”

Yato let out a small laugh and commented, “I’m so relieved to see your blonde hair again.”

Yukine’s mouth opened in surprise before he buried his face again, “Stop being stupid.”

“I don’t think that’s something I can stop, at least from how you two describe me.”

“Yato.” Hiyori looked down at him, gripping his shoulders a bit tighter in annoyance.

Yukine lifted his head and clarified loudly, “Fine, stop saying stupid stuff and say what you mean. Do you get it now?” With that, he hid his face again.

“When I said everything about leaving you behind to protect you, it wasn’t just because you’re my shinki or hafuri. That stuff is important usually, but it’s not why I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want anything to happen to you because you mean everything to me, Yukine. We could all switch roles; like Hiyori can be the god or we can all three be humans, whatever. The outcome would be the same no matter what.”

Yukine looked up, tears silently flowing down from his eyes but an intent stare on Yato.

The god reached out his hand and the boy took it gently, “I never meant to make you feel you only had a purpose as sekki or that your only role outside of a weapon is being my guidepost. Yukine, I know you can’t… physically grow, and I’m so sorry. I would give anything to change that. But mentally, emotionally; I’ve seen you grow so much over the past year. And I wanted nothing more but to give you the chance to continue doing that.”

“I never wanted you to know what happened to you. I can’t stand to think about it, so I can only imagine how you feel.” Yato wiped at his eyes with his free hand and saw Hiyori doing the same, “I am stupid. And I do things without thinking through all of the consequences. But I swear, I will work my hardest so show you every day how much you are loved in this life. And not just by me, but Hiyori, Daikoku, Kofuku... everybody.”

Yukine grasped his hand harder, smiling as he answered, “Look, you aren’t actually stupid. You just do stupid things.”

“Good to know.” Yato cracked a smile and Hiyori laughed alongside him.

“And I know… how much you guys care about me.” He wiped at his eyes again, sniffling, “I just got so caught up in all of my fears and doubts that it didn’t matter. So I’m sorry, for the way I treated you.” He looked up, “You too, Hiyori. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and draped an arm over his shoulder, bringing him into a loose hug, “You two are safe and we’re all going home, that’s all that matters to me.”

“Home does sound nice…” Yato mulled out loud.

Sighing, Hiyori admitted, “Unfortunately, I have to take the long way home since I’m in my body.”

“What?” Yato answered automatically while Yukine peeked behind her.

“Oh yeah, no tail.”

“Long story short, it was your father’s wolves, Yato. I kind of got injured while in my half-ayakashi form and kind of haven’t been able to leave my body ever since…” She explained in a rush as she gently got up from underneath Yato, standing up.

His lips parted in disbelief, he eventually answered, “You, we’ll talk later. Be safe. Yukine, let’s go home.”

Once they had vanished into a blinding light, Hiyori called out, “You can come out now.”

The sound of water filled the air before Nora appeared from a nearby pond, muttering, “Thanks. I didn’t really want to be a part of that happy reunion stuff.”

“I figured as much. I still think you should come back with us, though.” Hiyori started walking towards where she had left her bike.

“Why’s that?”

“Because I think I know just the perfect god for you.”

“I really hope Nora is okay down there by herself…” Hiyori looked at the door in the far corner of the room, wondering how it was going with Kofuku and Daikoku. It was relatively quiet which she was thankful for, since Yukine had drifted off to sleep. But because of the lack of noise, she couldn’t tell what was happening.

Yato gave a quiet laugh, “She can take care of herself, you should know that.”

She hummed, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Speaking of holding one’s own in a fight… Hiyori, why did you get tangled up with my dad again?” He slid closer to her, frowning and locking his eyes on hers.

“It’s not like I went looking for him!” She answered back in an annoyed tone before realizing she needed to keep down her volume, “I was walking home from school and I saw him. He was kind of smirking so I got a really bad feeling and I went after him. And he was just… relishing in how he was hurting you and Yukine and I couldn’t take it.”

“He always had a knack for getting under people’s skin,” He reached out to hold on to both of her wrists, “But why would you do something so stupid?”

Hiyori couldn’t help but laugh, “Look who’s talking.”

“Hey, I didn’t try to beat him with just MMA moves and no weapon.” His blue eyes flickered up to hers.

She took a breath and looked at her side, huffing, “Okay, I guess that’s fair.”

“But seriously… why would you be that reckless?” His thumb brushed over her wrist, “Your life is such a precious thing.”

“It’s like what you said to Yukine before. I’ve watched you work so hard to change and be the god of fortune that you’ve always wanted to be. And the fact that your father just… continued to try to tear down everything that you’ve ever built and took so much pleasure in it… I can’t even describe how angry it made me. I’m still angry, even though I know he’s gone.” She clenched her fists and Yato took that as a signal to let go of her.

“Those are my problems, though.” He tried to soothe her, “As amazing of a sight as it would have been for a high school girl to be the one to take out my dad, I never expected you to defend me or anything.”

She shook her head, “I know, and often getting involved just made it worse for you, too. But Yato, you deserve so much better than that. I just wish I could do more.”

He let out a small laugh in disbelief, tilting his head. “Hiyori, you made me my first shrine. You called me your god of fortune. You’ve also saved my ass repeatedly, although I don’t necessarily like that you put yourself in danger when you do that. What else could you possibly do for me?”

“I don’t know…” She gave a sigh in frustration.

Yato reached out to run a hand through her hair, “Don’t worry about it too much.”

Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned into his touch.

Realizing this, he yanked his hand back into his lap sheepishly, “S-sorry, I don’t know what I was doing.”

“I-it’s okay.” She answered back quietly, but he couldn’t help but notice that she looked disappointed.

“Hiyori…” He swallowed, not sure if what he was about to say was a good idea or not.

She perked back up, “Yes?”

“There… maybe is something else, but. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything about it. It’s more like… I just want to get this off my chest and be honest with you.”

A flash of worry moved through her eyes but she nodded, “Okay.”

“I… kinda, maybe… might be in love with you?” He squeaked out, wincing once he was finished.

At first, she was quiet, but then asked, “So being in love with you is the other thing I could do, then.”

“Yes, but only if you already—” His words died on his lips as she leaned in closer to him.

“I have for a while now.”

He kissed her eagerly, holding on to her as tightly as he could and repeated her name with every breath he could manage.

Yato’s affections almost too much, she giggled into their kisses. It only came to a stop after she tried to readjust herself and ended up holding on too tightly to Yato’s shoulder which caused him to let out a loud groan.

“Owww…” He whined, letting go of her to rub his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” She apologized frantically before deciding to lean forward and kiss his shoulder as well.

Grinning, he commented, “Now it’ll definitely heal faster. We’ve still got several more spots to go, though…”

“I am not doing that.” Hiyori crossed her arms into an x shape.

Yato pouted, “Why not?”

“For one, Yukine-kun is sleeping right over there.” She nodded towards him.

“If that’s the only thing stopping you, we can go to another room.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Awww, come on!”

[winterscaptain]

directors cut on metanoia! it’s one of my favorites for some reason

you ask and i deliver!! metanoia, with commentary, under the cut with my commentary in bold italics

up next: redamancy!!

warnings: discussion of miscarriage 

“Alright, team. This week we’re headed back to Terra Mesa, AZ, for a series of murders at the university.” Penelope stood in front of the screen, outlining the recent crime scene photos as the rest of you looked through the case files. “Some of the residents at the Apache reservation nearby were injured in one of the attacks, and the presumed killer is leaving tokens around the reservation that are currently being treated as threats.” 

Finding an excuse to get back to Terra Mesa was hard, but I managed to figure out something that would be big enough for the BAU to make an appearance without involving other federal authorities. 

Any excuse to see Blackwolf is a welcome one, and I really wanted to bring him back into our world in AJF. He’s such a fantastic character and frankly it’s a crime we only saw him once. 

You all looked to Emily, who nodded once, and the team stood with her. “I’ll start with Derek at the reservation, and visit our old friend John Blackwolf, while the rest of you start building on what they’ve got at the precinct. Wheels up in thirty.” 

+++

Moments before the plane landed, your phone rang. You answered it before the rest of the team could see the name. “L/N...Speaking…Really?” Your voice didn’t give much away, but the team was listening in anyway. “Thank you...I’m currently out of town for work. Can I give you a call when I get home?...Great. Thanks...Yeah, I’ll be in touch.”

Looking back, this was before I moved to present tense and phased out “Y/N” and “L/N��� conventions. Oh well. I’ll get over it eventually. 

That’s what the writing process is for, though, right? It’s always changing and always growing. 

You hung up and sat back in your seat. You did your best to school your expression into something pensive and neutral as you stared out the window. 

Pregnant. Again. Fuck.

Elation, fear, anxiety, and anticipation all warred within you. You hadn’t breathed a word to Aaron, even when you realized you were late, or suddenly didn’t like the smell of your own body wash. It seemed reasonable to keep it from him until you were absolutely sure. 

Reading this back while working on the Reality Check trilogy was a trip - I really wanted to lay a foundation for these emotions warring within Mom in this moment and explain why it was so hard to tell Aaron. 

I think I did alright?? 

A false alarm, or worse, would be a damning disappointment. 

+++

You were admittedly distracted as you went through the motions at the crime scene. A fog clouded your head, and you’d zoned out more than once as JJ tried to engage you in conversation. After a while, she decided to leave you alone, only returning when she was finished discussing MO with the officers outside. 

JJ crouched beside you as you took a few more photos. “You alright?”

My dumb ass forgot JJ was eight months pregnant here, but it’s fine. She’s athletic enough to crouch and stand up if she’s careful. 

It was when I was reading this back that I decided to put all the episode/canon notes into a big spreadsheet to keep track of shit. My brain is a sieve. 

“Just fine, Jayje.” Your voice sounded tired even to your own ears. 

She didn’t buy it. Her hand rose to your upper arm, squeezing a little. “I’m here if you need anything, okay? You know that.” 

You nodded. “I know.” 

“I’m serious. Anything.” She leaned in close to you. “And it all stays with me. Nothing goes to Hotch unless you tell me it’s okay.”

This was a line of dialogue looking to include somewhere as well. There’s always that element of discretion because they all work together. Because Hotch was unit chief for so long, there’s always that feeling that mom (or anyone else) could tattle without realizing it. 

I originally had this in a really early one of my fics, when I had Reader joining the team in season one and she and Hotch were married already, but it was scrapped and shuffled into pieces that actually made sense. It was a profiler, profiled episode where mom looked at Derek and said “I’m not my husband. You don’t have to hide from me. Anything you tell me stays right here between us unless you want me to talk to him about it.”

No matter what iteration of Reader I’m working with, there’s always a kinship with Derek. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I feel like he’s slept on within the fandom? Idk I just love him and want him to have friends and adequate support all the time. He and Hotch are such strong folks and it’s a shame the CM writers don’t know how to use the great characters they’ve created. 

You bumped her shoulder with yours. “Thanks.” 

Thoughts raced around in your head on repeat. There was part of you that wanted to tell Aaron right away, just step out and call him right then. Another part of you couldn’t fathom putting him at risk for that kind of loss again. Not after the first time. 

What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, and you could handle it on your own, right? It wouldn’t be so bad to wait another few weeks? Just until the end of the first trimester. 

+++

Three days into the case with very little progress, the director was under pressure to have this case solved, and solved quickly. Working closely with the Native American community was good PR for the FBI - failing to solve a case as more university students were murdered was decidedly not.

Thus, Aaron was flown in from Quantico Hello, passive voice! Nice to see you! to oversee the investigation, and act as a liaison for additional support, should it become necessary. I had to figure out how to get Section Chief Aaron out here...Once again, your emotions were at war. It was always a delight to have him by your side in the field, but he’d know something was on your mind. If he asked you outright, you couldn’t - wouldn’t - lie to him. 

Aaron arrived at the precinct faster than you expected. He held back a smile when he saw you, electing to re-introduce himself to the police chief and make nice before formally stepping in as the FBI authority on-site. You were the only member of the team that didn’t already know everyone - the Terra Mesa cult killings were before your time at the BAU, and indeed even before your time at the FBI. 

This was before I had a “real” ajf timeline, so I sprinkled little things in here to help myself when I actually sat down and put it all together. 

Emily had you bouncing between the crime scene and the precinct, so you had yet to visit the reservation. The infamous Blackwolf was still a mystery to you, but you’d heard a great deal about him from Aaron. 

“Hotch, Y/N, can you take a trip to the reservation to see how Spencer and JJ are getting along? We want to make sure we’re doing everything we can to work collaboratively with Blackwolf, and I’m sure another familiar face would go a long way.” 

In the car, Aaron held your hand. It was nice to have him out in the field, a rare occurrence these days. You often missed him during the longer cases, but it was much more fun to talk about your day when he wasn’t beside you for most (if not all) of it. 

My mom just said something about this regarding quarantine - she’s like “it’s so boring to tell your dad what I did all day while we were...sitting next to each other working from home.” 

I laughed. 

Unlike Strauss, he was very-hands off with the units under his jurisdiction, and it worked. It kept him out of the field and on the good side of the unit chiefs. The section was performing beautifully, with few bureaucratic hangups and even fewer infractions. About halfway through the drive, a smile crossed his face. 

Any opportunity to emphasize that Aaron is really capable of taking over the bureau is an opportunity I’m going to seize. 

“What’s funny?” You asked, laughing a little. There was something warm in your chest that bloomed whenever Aaron smiled, and the joy usually bubbled out of your mouth - often without permission. The rare treat almost made you forget about the rock in your stomach. Almost. 

“I want to see something when we get to the reservation.”

“Oh?”

He nodded, a secret little smile still on his lips. “Just trust me and follow my lead.”

You scoffed. “Don’t I always?” You paused, and he raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth. “Wait. Don’t answer that.” 

And thus a very early indicator of their dynamic is exposed…

This is the fun thing about writing out of order - there’s something so exciting about going back and reading stuff when you’re building up to a certain point and finding the groundwork you’ve already established. It’s like building the roof of the house before the foundation and then you’ve suddenly got a whole house. It’s cool. 

He smiled at you before schooling his expression into his normal resting skepticism and removed his hand from yours as you approached the reservation. You wiped the pout off your face after a moment, falling into the professional modality you’d developed prior to Aaron’s promotion, when you had to keep your hands each other in the field. 

Those years were brutal. 

Brutal, indeed, and I can WAIT to explore them further!! We’ve got three years where mom and Aaron work together on the same team before he’s promoted and I’m so excited to see how that dynamic works out once the team is made aware of their relationship. 

You placed your sunglasses on top of your head as you stepped out of the car and followed Aaron to the reservation school. 

“Hotchner.” A handsome, well-built man with an impressive knife on his belt called out to you from across the courtyard, and a small smile broke out across Aaron’s face. 

“Blackwolf.” 

They exchanged firm handshakes, and Blackwolf’s attention fell to you. You watched as his eyes quickly jumped from your face, to your gun, to your engagement ring and down to your shoes, before returning to your eyes. 

I LOVE JOHN BLACKWOLF!!!

“Agent Y/N L/N. Your reputation precedes you,” you said with a smile and an extended hand. 

Blackwolf snorted, but took your hand in a firm, warm grasp. “I’m sure it does, if Agent Hotchner here has anything to do with it.” He glanced at the both of you and turned. “Follow me.” 

If we don’t start with snark when we meet Blackwolf, what do we have left? 

Nothing. 

He took you around the reservation, explaining the possible weaknesses in defense should the serial killer jump the highway. You and Aaron trailed a little behind him as you walked, but Blackwolf never looked back as he spoke. 

He was explaining the possible positions of an attack from the hill, and the possibility that their assailant could attack from any direction, but “...that shouldn’t be an issue for Agent L/N.” He glanced back at Aaron, the first time he’d done so. “Was it your influence that inspired your fiance to carry two guns, or did she start doing that on her own?”

THIS LINE RIGHT HERE is what started this whole fic for me. I thought of including John in AJF really early on, and I knew right off the bat that Aaron was going to trick him and not tell him that he and Reader are together as a kind of test. This moment always existed as John passing that test with flying colors. 

You glanced up at Aaron, eyes wide and alarmed. Aaron only smiled at you and replied, “I taught her. She carries hers -”

“On the offside, I know,” he finished. “It’s smart, if you’re into that sort of thing.” 

Aaron huffed a laugh. “Don’t start.” 

You sputtered a little, and you lost step with them for a moment before jogging to Aaron’s side. “Hold on, back up. How did you…?” You were speechless, to say the least, and you could tell Aaron was doing everything in his power to keep from laughing out loud. 

This scene was so alive in my head, and I’m really pleased with how it turned out. There were like eight or nine different versions of this dialogue I worked on before settling on this one. 

Finally, Blackwolf stopped and faced you, gesturing to you as you spoke. “Just like with Agent Hotchner’s left, your right step is slightly heavier, and you favor your right arm for balance when you walk. When you walk beside him, you’re on his right, placing your weapons on the outside of your frames for the best defense. Now, whether or not you do that on purpose I don’t know, but it’s an inherently protective posture.”

You blinked rapidly for a moment, adjusting to the onslaught of information. “How did you know I was engaged to him?” You threw a thumb in Aaron’s direction. 

He raised an eyebrow, and a smile ghosted across his face. “Can’t give away all my secrets, now, can I?” 

The truth of it? I have no fucking clue how he’d figure that one out so I just left in another “Blackwolf Magic” moment. 

A laugh left you. “That’s fair enough.” 

He opened his mouth and took a breath as if to speak again but closed it, squinting at you. You swallowed, feeling very exposed all of a sudden. His face transformed then, as if he’d realized something. “You should ask Agent Hotchner about perception. He may have learned a few things since last I saw him.” 

This was almost the big reveal, but then I realized John would have more tact than that. And it also wouldn’t be long enough, not to mention deeply unprofessional :)

You looked up at Aaron, but he only rolled his eyes good-naturedly at his friend and kept walking. 

+++

The way Aaron was around Blackwolf made your chest hurt a little less. They were like a pair of kid brothers - giving each other a hard time and cracking wise whenever they got the opportunity. Weak insults like “Captain America” and “Fortune Cookie” ran abound when out of earshot from the local officers, but there was a kind of deep respect and hard-won warmth that flowed freely through all their interactions. 

“What happened the last time you were out here?” You asked Aaron, on the way back from the university one night. 

Aaron looked at the road as he replied with a quirk of his lips. “I learned something.” He reached for your hand, and you held his in both of your own, kissing his knuckles. 

I really believe Aaron learned so much out in Terra Mesa in season one. There’s such a distinctive, yet subtle, shift between the Aaron who rolls up completely skeptical and the Aaron who’s willing to accept that “there are many roads that lead to the same place.” 

I LIVE FOR MEN WHO TEACH AND CHALLENGE EACH OTHER!!! 

+++

It was only when you were alone with Blackwolf, days later, scouting terrain on the border between the university and the reservation, did you ask him. “Were you going to say something earlier, on the first day Hotch was here?”

I love it when Mom calls Aaron “Hotch” at work, even when they’re alone. Makes me all soft. 

He nodded, crouched and studied the thicket-lined path. “I was.” 

You waited patiently and did your best to see what he saw. It was a hopeless endeavor. All you saw was a well-worn path surrounded by bushes of indistinguishable varieties.

“I was going to ask you when you’re due, but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.” He looked up at you with a crooked little smile. “Congratulations.” 

How on Earth…

Breathless laughter punctuated your next words. “Okay, I knew it was a possibility that Aaron had told you we were together, but I haven’t breathed a word about that to anyone...yet.” You sobered for a minute, thinking of the last time. 

He must have seen your face drop, because he stood and placed a hand on your shoulder. There was an understanding in his eyes, gentle and familiar. He treated you like he’d known you all your life, and you were grateful he took you as seriously as he did Aaron. “How many?”

There were so many options for this exchange as well, but I ended up loving the simplest one. There isn’t much that he needs to say. There’s a connection, I believe between Blackwolf and Hotch, and I wanted to extend that link to mom as well. 

Your lip quivered and your eyes stung. You swallowed, doing your best to keep it together. “Just the one.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

You whispered your thanks and smiled a watery smile at him before wiping your eyes and getting back to business. “Did you see anything of use over here?”

He dropped his hand from your shoulder and followed your eyes down the path. “No, nothing here. We should track back to the reservation and see if our guest left anything new for us to find.” 

You turned, but a hand on your forearm stopped you. “You and Aaron are more alike than different in this, I think, so I’ll tell you this.” You met his eyes, and he seemed to almost look through you as he spoke. “Some things are meant to be carried together. Joy and grief are two of those things that are too heavy to bear on your own. Tell him today.” He released your arm and continued ahead as if he’d said nothing at all. 

There’s so much respect in accepting someone’s vulnerability, and then moving forward. It’s doesn’t change how that person sees the other. It’s just human. It’s part of them, and it doesn’t need to color every interaction from that point forward. 

My best friend calls these “so noted” moments. You just take the note and move on. 

After a moment, you followed him. 

The man really is like a fortune cookie. 

But he’s right. 

+++

You returned to the precinct with a lighter step than before, Blackwolf on your heels. Aaron squinted at you as you walked in, and you could tell he knew something had changed. 

Emily and Derek flew through the door behind you, and John pulled you back by the elbow to avoid getting run over in their haste. 

Contact!! I wanted to establish a little more familiarity between reader and John after their conversation. It was vulnerable and shifted their boundaries just enough for Aaron to notice. 

“We have a lead. Get roadblocks up now,” Emily had her phone out and was on the phone with JJ, who was at the university with Spencer. She spit instructions in only the way she could, and Aaron was hot on your heels as Emily tossed you the car keys and you all flooded out of the building. 

The takedown was decidedly eventful, and JJ got a black eye for her trouble. Dave took care of her by the ambulance while Emily directed traffic. You got caught up taking a few statements from the neighbors, and it was late evening by the time you were all on your way back to the hotel. 

In the car, Aaron was quiet. Your hands were linked over the center console, and he rubbed little circles into your skin. 

“What’s going on with you, honey?” He knew better than to look at you while he asked, but his circles never ceased or stuttered or hiccuped on your hand. 

You sighed. “Can I tell you when we’re back at the hotel?”

He nodded. “So, something is on your mind?”

“Yeah.” 

“Good, bad?” His tone was prompting, but not pushy, and you appreciated it. 

You tried to offer him a smile. “Good, I think.” 

He squeezed your hand. 

Again, any little moment where I can just let the implication speak for itself is one I’m going to grab. They don’t need to be crazy verbose or explain themselves. They just get it. 

And they TRUST EACH OTHER!

+++

You dropped down into the middle of the bed, crossing your legs. Aaron sat across from you, mirroring you with his legs crossed and his hands loose on his knees. 

Pajamas were on, teeth brushed, and you were both ready for bed. 

You heaved a deep breath. “So, John said something to me today that had me thinking.”

Aaron’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “He has that effect on people.” 

“So I’ve heard.” You took his hands. “He said to me today that there are some things that are meant to be carried together, and that joy and grief are two of those things.” 

I’d like to think the way Reader started this conversation really freaked him out, but he does his best to stay cool and I’m really proud of him. 

His eyes were soft and patient as he waited for you to continue, his mouth relaxed. 

“My doctor called today -”

“Are you alright?” He couldn't help but interrupt, and a little huff of a laugh left you. 

Ah. There it is. He can’t help himself. 

Can you blame him?

“Yeah, I’m fine. She just wanted to tell me I’m due in March, is all.” You let the words tumble out as casually as possible, but your shaky breath betrayed you. 

Aaron was quiet for a moment, just looking at you. After what felt like forever, he pulled you forward by your hands, and you crawled into the hollow haven of his body. His hand traced over your arm, the other resting over your temple, as if to hide you from the world. 

“Are you upset?” You asked, your voice small. 

You felt him shake his head. “Not even a little. In fact, quite the opposite.” He kissed your hair. “How are you feeling?”

The lack of big response was really important to me. If he’s gotten really excited, I think mom would have felt undue pressure, and I think he knew that. 

It’s another moment where I got to show that Aaron fully understand what she needs at any given point, and that fact itself isn’t necessarily significant enough to be acknowledged on its own. It’s tacit. 

Your fingers wrapped around his arm, and he took his hand from your face, curling his arm around your waist. “I’m really happy, but I’m really scared too...I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart.”

Tears pricked at your eyes. “I just - I don’t want to fuck it up this time.” 

His hands stilled, and he grew quiet, his voice low. “What?”

“I don’t want to lose this one and I was scared to tell you because if I told you and we lost him, you would be sad and I just don’t want you to be sad and I don’t want you to lose anyone else, ever.” You weren’t sure you were coherent, but that just about summed it up. 

That’s the wild thing about grief, you know? It puts all these wild stories in your head that it’s your fault, even when people you love tell you otherwise. 

I think even after faith, and even after how well Aaron handled the loss - so supportive and affirming the whole time - there’s this doubt that she’s not good enough, that she could have done something differently. 

It’s a doubt Aaron recognizes in himself, and it breaks his heart. 

“Baby, look at me.” 

You leaned back and met his eyes. He held your gaze as he spoke, almost unblinking. “You did not fuck anything up. It was not your fault. These things happen, and yes, they’re sad. Yes, I grieve for the child I didn’t get a chance to meet. Yes, it’s painful. But honey,” there was a desperate edge to his voice and he wiped your tears away with his thumbs, “you’re my partner and I love you. You don’t have to go through anything alone ever again.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.” 

He pulled you close again, tight to his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 

He completely understands. I mean, he’s the guy that kept his separation from his team for weeks without breathing a word. He knew that they would be there for him, but he just thought he could do it on his own. 

These idiots are made for each other, I swear. 

(Well, they are….)

You were quiet for a little while. Then - 

“Did you say him?” Aaron’s voice was nearly trembling. Because you knew him so well, you knew it was barely-contained euphoria. You knew he was holding back because he didn’t want to scare you, didn’t want to get too excited in case something went wrong, but his efforts were futile. You saw right through them, and hoped his joy would last and that the worst was behind you. 

That’s love and trust, babey! 

You turned your head, pressing your nose into his neck. “Just a feeling. I dunno.” 

He sighed, his arms winding impossibly further around you. “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” 

You nodded into him. 

“When’s your ten-week?”

“Two weeks, on Wednesday.” 

His breath washed through your hair as he pressed his cheek to the crown of your head. “Can I come with you?”

He’s learned so much and I cry about it regularly. I just watched that episode where Haley calls him because she’s at Jack’s doctors appointment and he’s not there and he just screws out up and had a big weep about it. 

You nodded. 

When you woke up in the morning, You were still curled in his arms, on top of the covers, with the lights on. Aaron’s face was pressed into your hair and his body was flush against yours from shoulder to calf. 

One of his (truly massive) hands rested over the waistband of your pajama bottoms. 

It’s going to be okay. 

That concludes this installment! I LOVED going back through this one with a fine-toothed comb. Definitely one of my favorites in this series. I’m so glad so many of you love it like I do!!

[nothingnothingaaa]

‘We all have Hoop Dreams’: Bittersweet tale of first 'reality TV show'

By Motez Bishara, May 4 2019 (CNN)

When Dwyane Wade was a 12-year-old shooting jumpers on the playgrounds of Chicago, a movie came out that would help navigate him through his future Hall of Fame career.

Released in 1994, "Hoop Dreams" shadowed the bumpy fortunes of Arthur Agee and William Gates, two inner-city Chicago youths dreaming of NBA stardom.

Wade's path to the Final Four with Marquette and championships with the Miami Heat would be lined with the same challenges faced by Agee and Gates, including the pressures of injury and young parenting, and the avoidance of drugs and gun violence.

Twenty-five years since its premier, "Hoop Dreams" still impacts Wade. "I watched it many times, and it resonated with me because we all have hoop dreams," the recently retired three-time NBA champion tells CNN.

"Growing up in Chicago you struggle," he adds, "I look at "Hoop Dreams" and I can see myself in those individuals at the time."

Film critics like the late Roger Ebert lauded the three-hour documentary for exposing a side of America rarely depicted at the time: A class system stacked against the poor, coinciding with rising corruption in youth basketball.

Filmmakers Steve James (left), Peter Gilbert (centre) and Fred Marx worked on a very thin budget until three years into "Hoop Dreams," when they were able to secure enough funding for the project.

So what has changed since then?

College basketball is coming off a thrilling season, but faces intense scrutiny as a second corruption trial involving shady figures and illicit payments around the sport unravels in court. Meanwhile, Agee and Gates remain close -- bonded not just by their fame from "Hoop Dreams," but two devastating murders in their families.

"You can't script this stuff," says Gates, 47, a youth basketball coach in San Antonio, Texas, to CNN. "Our stories continue to (overlap) like that, because he lost Bo and we lost Curtis."

Gates' brother Curtis, a former high school star who flamed out, and Agee's father Bo were both featured on screen. Curtis was shot in 2001, reportedly in a dispute over a woman, while Bo - whose redemption from crack addiction and jail time was a seminal part of the film - was killed in a robbery three years later.

"It was very heartbreaking," adds Agee, who still lives in the West Side of Chicago, not far from where he grew up. "It's so eerie that me and William always say "Hoop Dreams" was a gift and a curse, and we both lost people that played a big part of our lives.

"And then for both of us not to make the NBA, you know, that eeriness, that gift and a curse is there."

Though neither athlete played in the NBA, both received college scholarships -- no small feat coming from the dire housing projects they grew up in.

Agee, 46, who attended Arkansas State, went on to play professionally in the now-defunct USBL and had a stint with the Harlem Globetrotters. He then turned to acting, with small parts in a film and commercials.

Agee remains tied to "Hoop Dreams," which provides his motivational speaking platform in schools, and still inspires viewers to send warm messages from places as far off as Australia and China. He also sells apparel inspired by the film, including a throwback jersey from his school days.

Gates was the more heralded of the two, receiving interest from top college basketball programs and a grant to attend the prestigious St. Joseph's high school -- the same school that is shown releasing Agee, seemingly for not playing well enough as a freshman.

But Gates blew out his knee at 16, then rushed back to the court after surgery and re-injured it. Though he played at Marquette University, the injury crippled his pro potential.

"For me, it's bittersweet on many levels," says Gates about the film which he has not watched in over 16 years. "It was a constant reminder of what could have been and what didn't happen, and also a reminder that Curtis is no longer here to hear his voice."

Nevertheless, he looks back on "Hoop Dreams" as a "life turning situation," one that led to an allegiance with Michael Jordan, who invited him to pickup games before his comeback with the Washington Wizards. (An injury derailed Gates' own tryout with the Wizards, however.)

"It has opened doors," he says. "It has done things that I never thought would happen in my life."

Dwyane Wade is pictured dunking the ball.

THE FIRST REALITY SHOW

What began as a short film idea from director Steve James and producer Frederick Marx to shoot Chicago playground basketball in 1987 with a budget of $2,000 quickly took on greater ambitions.

The pair hired Peter Gilbert as a cinematographer (later added as a producer), and the trio followed Gates and Agee on and off for nearly five years. With 250 hours of footage to edit, the production took seven years in total, eventually raising the $750,000 necessary for completion.

When it was finally released in 1994, "Hoop Dreams" went viral, though the term had not yet been coined. It was nominated for best film editing at the Oscars, but snubbed for best documentary and picture, which had critics like Ebert up in arms.

"I've actually gotten way more mileage personally as a filmmaker out of not being nominated than I ever would have by getting nominated," says James, who stays in contact with Agee and Gates. "Over the years a lot more people seem to be upset on our behalf than I was personally."

By the time it ended its theatrical run, "Hoop Dreams" became the then-highest grossing documentary of all time, paving the way for hundreds of sports documentaries and streaming series currently on air.

"I call it the first reality show," says Gates. "I think it was groundbreaking."

Gates' enrollment in Marquette was mirrored exactly 10 years later by Wade, who also struggled to qualify academically for an NCAA scholarship and sat out his first year for academic reasons, the university confirmed.

Wade shared other similarities with both Agee and Gates, including feeling the pressure to rush back to action after knee injury which required surgery at Marquette. Though the operation was successful, Wade later said it led to complications as a pro.

"I watched it when I was at Marquette from a different (angle), knowing that (Gates) was staying in the same dorm that I was standing in," says Wade, who -- also like Gates -- was caring for a child (son Zaire) while in college.

Wade was separated from his mother Jolinda at a young age when she succumbed to drugs, leading to spells in jail. Like Agee's father Bo, she turned to religion after getting clean, now serving as a church minister.

"Obviously, I was able to make it," but there are challenges, he adds. "What I learned at the time is you learn a lot about other people sharing their story."

William Gates was a 17-year-old high school junior when his daughter Alicia was born.

CONTROLLED CORRUPTION

Rewatching "Hoop Dreams" 25 years later lends perspective to how fast top college recruits are forced to grow up, and how much is at stake early on.

Gates' daughter was born when he was 17, during his junior year of high school. Trying to be a father and student while rehabilitating from two knee surgeries to make it as the next Isiah Thomas -- the former St Joe's and NBA star who makes a cameo in the movie -- became too much to bear.

By the movie's final scene, with his passion for the game already waning, Gates remarks, "When somebody says, 'When you get to the NBA, don't forget about me,' I should say to them, 'Well if I don't make it, you don't forget about me."

It's no wonder he needed a break from the sport by his third year at Marquette.

"I didn't feel like a 19 or 20 year-old-kid, I felt like a kid who had been working 10 to 12 years at a job," Gates says, estimating that basketball practice and travel would take up to 60 hours a week in college. "I had a lot on my plate."

Agee had his own growing up to do, with his academics thrown into disarray after his brief spell at St Joe's, followed by Bo walking out and his mother Sheila losing her job.

In one scene, Sheila cannot pay her electricity bill and the family is left without power, while a clearly humiliated Agee broods at the camera.

(The filmmakers pitched in to get the power back on, leaving that detail out of the film. "We didn't want to look self-serving, but we felt an obligation to do that much for them," says James.)

Agee transferred to Marshall High, leading the team on an improbable city championship and state semifinal run.

In recent years the public high school has been rocked by gun violence, leaving seven former basketball players dead and two paralysed, including Agee's ex-teammate Shawn Harrington.

"I didn't let St. Joe's defeat me; I didn't let my neighbourhood and my environment pull me in to gain drugs, carrying the guns -- that whole lifestyle," Agee reflects.

It helped that the teenagers had the right people on their sides. Gates and Agee admit they were given cash during their basketball ascent by the likes of so-called street agents, drug dealers and university affiliates who often helped promising players.

In "Hoop Dreams" Agee pays for Air Jordan gear at a store with money received from drug pushers. While at Arkansas State, he says a "big street pharmacist" whose team he played for in a high school summer league bought him a car.

"That was part of the deal," says Gates of being offered gifts from universities as a highly touted recruit, before committing to Marquette. "It was like, 'Hey, you need anything let us know.' And you let them know and they took care of stuff.

"Hey I need transportation, hey I need clothes, I need shoes. They figured out how to get it to you," he says. "They did it through a friend of the program that you didn't even know was a friend of the program. That's the way it was."

In response, Marquette said it "is committed to the highest ethical standards for the recruitment and retention of our student-athletes," while Arkansas State said it had no knowledge of Agee's car purchase and that "there are too many unknown variables to comment further about a relationship from approximately 25 years ago."

Arthur Agee was recruited to play at St Joseph Arthur Agee was recruited to play at St Joseph's prep school as an eighth grader. A year later he was asked to leave, and his parents were billed for tuition they struggled to pay for.

Arthur Agee was recruited to play at St Joseph's prep school as an eighth grader. A year later he was asked to leave, and his parents were billed for tuition they struggled to pay for.

Somewhat fittingly, Gates is now a full-time coach in the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU), the collection of summer leagues that insiders say has replaced high school basketball as the launching pad for college prospects.

Among the players that have passed through Team Hoop Dreams are all three of Gates' sons, William Jr., a recent graduate of Houston Baptist University, Jalon, a junior guard at Houston Baptist, and Marques, currently in high school.

AAU has come under fire by an ongoing FBI investigation involving sneaker companies funnelling money towards recruits to land at big university programs. The AAU told CNN it does not fund its teams, calling the situation an "apparel company scandal, not an AAU scandal."

"People are buying and selling players; it's a human trafficking market." says Michael Sokolove, author of "The Last Temptation of Rick Pitino," which sheds light on college basketball corruption.

Multiple federal investigations have led to guilty pleas from four college assistants on bribery charges, the conviction of an Adidas executive, and the firing of Pitino from Louisville.

Pitino maintains he had "no knowledge" of infractions during his tenure as Louisville's head coach. James Gatto, Adidas' former head of global sports marketing, is appealing his nine-month prison sentence for wire fraud and conspiracy charges in connection with a $100,000 offer to the father of a Louisville recruit.

With athletic wear companies paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to support top AAU programs, the potential to use them as a means to distribute money to the families of top players or an influential coach is high, says Sokolove.

"Some of this is laundered money. These teams can be used as pass through," he says, adding that the ultimate goal is to breed loyalty with players who become walking advertisements for the shoe companies on the court.

The stakes have become much higher to land top recruits like Gates was in the days of "Hoop Dreams," notes Sokolove. "There are more people with their hands in the cookie jar and the kids are largely pawns in this whole endeavour."

In 2017 the NCAA surpassed $1 billion in revenue, mostly through TV rights, while top players like Zion Williamson of Duke are limited to a compensation of tuition, room and board with a modest stipend.

Like many around the sport, Gates thinks college players need to get paid. He suggests universities contribute $100,000 towards a "graduation fund" for the player if he stays in school four years "to get prepared to live life."

Gates sees the current NBA age requirement of 19 as an obstacle towards paying black athletes, calling it a "controlled corruption" not seen in mostly white sports like baseball, tennis, golf or soccer.

"The two sports that are heavily dominated by African-Americans, it seems like there is always an issue when it comes to money," he says. (The NFL enforces a three-year rule before most college football players can turn pro.)

NCAA president Mark Emmert told the Associated Press this month that the organisation has "serious issues which require serious change," but paying players will remain unlikely.

William Gates (centre) is now an AAU coach in Texas. His sons William Jr. (left) and Jalon played together at Houston Baptist University.

PART OF A BIGGER STORY

Coinciding with the movie's anniversary, Gates and his wife Catherine just celebrated their 25th year of marriage. The eldest of their four children Alicia, who was born during filming, is 30 and works as a dental hygienist.

For years Gates would not allow his sons to watch all of "Hoop Dreams," fearing the scenes of his injuries would spook them. He finally relented, though Will Jr underwent four knee procedures of his own in college.

Agee has fathered five children, with his youngest Devin a budding youth basketball player in his own right. Devin's mother Jennifer Genovesi stood by Agee in the wake of a 2017 arrest after a woman accused him of battery.

Agee was quick to call James -- who he refers to as an uncle -- to assure him of his innocence. The charges were dropped shortly afterward.

"I'm part of a bigger story in this film. I never want to bring any despair or negativity into the story," Agee says. "He was like, 'We'll get through it together,' and that was good as that."

"I feel like they know that I'm here for them," says James, the film's director.

The special bond between the parties involved in the film was reflected once "Hoop Dreams," which was never expected to be a commercial success, caught fire. In a highly unusual step, Agee and Gates were made equal partners by the producers.

"They weren't just filmmakers," says Agee. "They came in over a period of time and got to know me and my family, and then stayed in touch."

Arthur Agee bought his mother Sheila a house with royalties earned from "Hoop Dreams." He now uses the film as material for his job in motivational speaking.

Gates and Agee first received nearly $200,000 each, and Agee promptly brought his parents a four-bedroom house in a suburb.

His mother, Sheila Agee, who was seen at the end of the movie graduating tops in her nursing class, relocated to Alabama in the wake of Bo's death.

After Curtis' murder, Gates was given an unlikely last shot at the NBA at age 29 with a tryout with the Chicago Bulls. But bad luck struck again when he caught the flu on the day of the workout.

"I said maybe God doesn't want me to play basketball," he reflects. "That's when my ministry life began to open up."

Gates received his master's in biblical studies and worked as a pastor at the Cabrini Green housing project he grew up in before settling in Texas.

He is thankful that Curtis got to meet Jordan before he was killed -- another imprint tied to his fame from the film.

"What came along with that was the responsibility to teach, educate, be a friend, have some compassion and show some understanding," Gates says.

"I've been very honoured, privileged and grateful to be part of "Hoop Dreams," he reflects. "It's been super amazing to be a part of something that has withstood the test of time."

[sophieellisbextorarchives]

Lockdown's dancing queen: Sophie Ellis Bextor explains how she's survived with five sons while performing web concerts from her kitchen - and owes her life to the NHS after almost dying during childbirth

SOURCE: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8371137/Sophie-Ellis-Bextor-talks-surviving-lockdown-five-sons-performing-concerts-kitchen.html

Any mother of five who is still sane after two-and-a-half months of lockdown will surely have some survival tips for the rest of us. And Sophie Ellis-Bextor does indeed have advice.

Come Friday night, when the textbooks have been flung in a corner and you've finished screeching at the kids, you should dig out your heels and put on your sparkliest hot pants, she says.

'If you don't own a sequined one-piece, you should get one,' the singer insists. 'They make you feel like a disco superhero!'

She would also recommend a glitterball to hang in the kitchen. It will distract from the dirty dishes, she says.

Tidying the kitchen is optional, though: 'I do try to but if there's the odd dish in the sink, who cares?'

When the history of the great British lockdown is written, there will be villains (take a bow, Dominic Cummings) and heroes.

And Sophie Ellis-Bextor will surely be in line for a medal, for services to the national dancefloor (kitchen disco division).

Every Friday night for ten weeks she has donned her own glad rags and, via the magic of social media, invited us all to a disco round at hers.

She has been in charge of the mic, singing her own hits (with tweaks) and cover versions of some of her other favourites (speaking of favourite things, she even does a mean Julie Andrews).

Each week she has changed the lyrics of one of her biggest hits, Take Me Home, to the lockdown-friendly Stay At Home. We cheered. We heeded. 'Well, most people did,' she says.

Lots of entertainers have been doing their stuff in lockdown. Few of them have done so with five children in tow, though, and with such pizzazz.

You'd never guess it from the size of her waist but 41-year-old Sophie — whose mother is former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis — has five sons, aged from 16 down to 16 months. Her family life has never really been a part of her work.

But at the start of lockdown, something changed and she decided to stop being so precious about the work/home life divide.

'I've always been quite private, never showing the kids' faces, that sort of thing,' she says.

'But suddenly it all felt totally irrelevant. I just had this desire to sort of connect with people, to have fun and do something that just distracted us all — and for me, as an entertainer, that meant getting up and putting on a show.

'If it was going to be a show in my own house, the kids had to be involved as we're all locked down together. That overwhelmed any other emotion, really.

'I said to them, 'We're going to have a party. Do you want to come? What do you want to wear?'

'We pulled out all manner of sequined things we already had. They got out costumes, hats, whatever. There were no rules. They could be in their pyjamas if they wanted, because they often are.

'At the end of the first one, I remember making a joke like, 'This could be the end of my career.' '

In another time, it could have been. What too-cool-for-school singer sashays around the Lego, for goodness' sake? And what pop star hoicks a baby onto her hip, limbos around the lightsabers or attempts some sexy strutting when there is a pint-sized Superman in the way?

'It has been quite surreal, hasn't it?' she says with a laugh. 'But this whole situation is surreal, so I guess it has been fitting.

'We've had all sorts — the kids joining in, or sitting there bored with it all as I dance around them. We've had the baby crawling across the floor, trying to pull the plug out of the router. It's not stuff you normally have to contend with when you go on stage.'

And the performances have been all the more magical for it, I suggest. Her kitchen discos have been in keeping with the national mood, which lurches between delirium and despair and involves much trying to get on with the day job, with the kids at our feet.

All our kids are represented in hers, too. There is Sonny, 16 and a typical teenager, who mostly rolls his eyes at the idea of being in his mum's disco 'but actually he's invaluable because he helps with the baby so I can relax'.

Kit, 11, has 'kind of dipped in and out of the discos. He has missed a few. Sometimes he'd just rather do something else'.

Ray, eight, and Jesse, four, are generally game for anything — but if the children all join in at the same time, while wearing masks, the potential for chaos is high.

Last is baby Mickey, who likes to reach for bright lights. And cables. And sparkly shoes.

'I think what has kept some people tuning in is the music, but others are only watching to see if any of my kids injure themselves,' Sophie says.

People may also be tuning in to see her game attempts at making the most inappropriate songs kid-friendly. Her new repertoire includes the highly suggestive Prince song Gett Off. If the kids ask, it's a song about getting off the climbing frame, she explains.

When we speak, Sophie is preparing for — sob! — the last lockdown disco. Kitchen Disco No 10 will finish with a rousing rendition of the Madness hit Our House, which contains the lines 'Our house it has a crowd/ There's always something happening/ And it's usually quite loud'.

How apt. That sums up family life in all its messy glory.

It will be the end of a very weird chapter for Sophie.

'We could keep going but I'm getting the feeling that lockdown is being eased. There is a different feel, so it's time to stop. Although I'm bad at saying 'never again'.'

It has been a blast — and Sophie admits she has benefited herself.

'The discos have done my soul and my spirit the world of good. I've always turned to music anyway when anything has been happening in my life, good or bad, but I don't know what shape the past few months would have taken without this outlet.

'I've been doing cover versions of songs and they have all basically been like love letters to people I can't see any more.'

Lockdown came earlier for this household than for most of us. One of the children showed symptoms even before the schools closed, so they all isolated early.

That Sophie's stepfather — Janet's husband, John Leach — was having chemotherapy as part of his cancer treatment made the situation even more serious.

They are a close family. Janet, who lives only a few streets away in West London, is used to popping in and out, and provides childcare once a week. Any contact at all between them stopped overnight, as it did for so many families.

'I haven't hugged my mum since I don't remember when,' Sophie says. 'They couldn't leave their house at all at the beginning, so it was a case of leaving some groceries on the doorstep. My stepfather has Stage Four lung cancer and was in the middle of chemo, which had to stop.

'Now, thankfully, it has restarted but it has been a terrible time — devastating, really. For so many families the world has just tilted.' The older children understand why they can't see their grandparents, the little ones less so.

This is a united family (Sophie's mum split from her father, film and television producer Robin Bextor, but they are all on good terms), yet not necessarily one that ever did things by the rulebook.

Many will recall the furore when Janet — then the nation's darling, as many Blue Peter presenters were — fell pregnant with Sophie's brother Jackson. She was unmarried at the time and it was a national scandal.

It sounds as if Janet was the sort of mother Sophie has become — old-fashioned about some things (table manners, eating together) but more relaxed about others. And Mum having a slightly crazy day job was par for the course.

'I remember going with her when she did a skydive. She was in the Guinness Book of Records at one point for the highest-altitude jump for a female. At the time it was just normal.'

Janet didn't mind when Sophie decided she would not go to university because she wanted to join a band. 'Many parents would have said, 'No, we have paid for this private education. You will go,' but they never did. They were completely supportive.'

And of course, it worked out. Sophie started to get attention in the industry in the Nineties with indie band Theaudience — but in 2000 her career went mainstream thanks to a feature spot on the song Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) by Spiller.

Further hits followed. Then, in 2013, she went even more mainstream, signing up for Strictly Come Dancing. Her Charleston was a thing of wonder but she lost in the final to Abbey Clancy.

She knew her husband, The Feeling bassist Richard Jones, for a year before they started dating. When they did, it was something of a whirlwind and she discovered she was pregnant within weeks.

'Sonny was premature, so he was actually born eight months after we got together. Weird maths.'

Then, finding that it was rather fun, they kept having children. 'In a way I think it sort of set the tone, having Sonny so early. We've never really known what it is to be just the two of us.'

Juggling a pop career with five children can't have been easy, but her laid-back approach must help.

Some aspects of her parenting style have come in handy in lockdown, she says. 'I try to get up and dressed myself, but I'm not bothered if they want to stay in their pyjamas,' she admits.

Other aspects of lockdown have been hard. She admits she is not a natural home schooler.

'With five, it has been really difficult keeping up with the school stuff. I think their teachers do a brilliant job and I can't compare.

'At the start I did try hard, but to be honest I was feeling a lot of pressure to be running the home and making them emotionally happy. I quit quite early, realising it was making me really tense and really unhappy.

'We've kept the eldest two doing more formal work (Sonny is in his GCSE year, she explains) but with the little ones it's more about projects they can do.'

She says it isn't practical — or even desirable — to turn their home into a school. 'I'm hoping that home is where they learn to interact with each other, where they learn how to be happy, how to be kind.'

They have all been clapping on the doorstep on a Thursday night, too, aware of the debt they owe the NHS.

Sophie's life was saved by doctors when she suffered from complications during her first two pregnancies and gave birth prematurely both times. Kit weighed just 2 lb 6 oz.

'Anyone who has ever had a loved one's life in the hands of hospital staff knows what it is to feel that gratitude,' Sophie says.

'If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here and neither would my first two.

'I'll never forget their faces, the doctors and nurses who treated us in the neonatal unit. You don't, because you owe them everything.'

To be a singer in this climate is perhaps to feel a little superfluous, but Sophie says the only things she can do are sing and dance. The reaction from the wider world to her 'little discos' has been heartwarming.

'If you can make people smile and laugh at how daft it all is, then you make a connection that is actually quite special.'

We are getting all wistful now, when I suggest that her sons will grow up knowing they were a part of something magical. She laughs.

'They are more likely to roll their eyes at their crazy mum dancing around and tell me to keep the noise down!'

[nad-zeta]

Matchup ☀

Hey there darling! I’ve been reading through all your match ups and there are so amazing!! 😣💖😖 can please i request a match up for ikesen and ikevamp too?

I’m a female libra who’s 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair, i’m singaporean and i really love food, especially sweets. I’m also a hopeless romantic and i really love shooting alot (I’m part of the air rifle club in school). I used to be pretty athletic, i still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, hut it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself. I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) . I’m a Slytherin, and i can be really ambitious and competitive, especially for my grades as i’m in a pretty good school so everyone is smart too. This drive to be better than the rest of peers always leaves me really tired and stressed out, but i try to not be so competitive nowsadays. I’m quite an open book to all my close friends and i also tend to be really possessive and stubborn at times. I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with. I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating . I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me. My love languages are physical touch and quality time, and i can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves as i have quite a few of these types of people in my class and it really does make learning less condusive. I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love j-pop, classics and pop. I can really insecure at times, because i always feel thatevery other girl out there is better than me and i’m just trash :(

Thank you darling! I really love your work so keep being amazing 🥰🤩

Hey there love! thank you so much for your kind words and the request! You are such a sweetie pie!<3 Sorry for making you wait soooooo long for your matchup lol I hope you enjoy and have a fantastic day today!

So I match you with……………….. Mitsuhide

The first time Mitsuhide sees you, he is Hella intrigued by this little mouse with the most intimidating face. He can’t help but wonder what kind of other expressions that beautiful face of yours can make. He also can’t help but instantly be attracted to you. He could absolutely get lost in those beautiful brown eyes. Not just that, but he has never seen a woman so well built before, you definitely look like you can hold your own. The others might be a little suspicious of your athletic build, but not Mitsuhide; he is absolutely living for it. The first conversation between you two is basically him teasing you while twirling your silky soft hair between his fingers. He enjoys the witty, intellectual conversation between the two of you. He is also slightly shook by your vast knowledge of war and history—such a smart little mouse. Actually, the two of you seemed to click instantly, and you showed him your more wild, loud side. And much to your surprise, he invited you over for tea and chats every now and then which you really enjoyed. The two of you would just sip on tea and chat for hours.

You work like crazy. You are a VERY competitive person and this doesn’t just count for academics but everything that you are involved in. You want to give and do your best no matter what. This can-do attitude has earned you the trust and respect of the Oda forces. You like to make a competition out of everything you do. If one maid is known to clean the floor super fast and thoroughly, Challenge accepted. If there were a prize for best Chatelaine, you would most definitely win it! Although this doesn’t come without consequence as you were starting to overexert yourself. Mitsuhide was looking around for his little mouse. He wanted to chat with you and tease you as per usual before the war council. Finally, he had spotted you, he stood by the doorway for a few seconds and watched you work. You looked like you were in quite a bit of pain, not to mention the extremely stressed expression on your face. He sneaked up behind you unnoticed and gave you a little fight. You swear, this man will be the death of you. The two of you chated for a few minutes, and then you told him you had to get back to work.

After the evening war council, Mitsuhide visited you in your room. He was greeted by your forced smile and pained expression. He narrowed his eyes at you, saying, “You are in pain, little mouse.” Of course, you tried to deny it and offered tea as a distraction. He simply shook his head, picked you up on plonked you down on your futon. “Don’t try and lie to me, little one.” He bent down and caressed your face while tucking some stray hair behind your ear. His golden eyes peered into your as if coaxing out the answer. Finally, you signed and told him about your old injury and competitive nature. And how sometimes it puts a massive strain on your body’s physical and emotional state 

He simply gave you his trademark smirk and pulled some salve out of his sleeve. He had noticed your knee had been giving you some trouble as of late and decided to pester Ieyasu into making him some medicine for you. He then took your leg and started rubbing it in lol. This man has no boundaries, plus he was enjoying the blush spread across your face at his sudden contact. You were amazed it seemed to have taken away all the pain and discomfort. Mitsuhide then made the two of you some tea and gave you some herbs that would help with the pain if it ever got too much. You were genuinely touched by his kind gesture. Although it didn’t come without masses of teasing. 

The next day Nobunaga announced that you were to help Mitsuhide on a secret mission and that you were to depart immediately. You were shook at this sudden trip being sprung on you. You had no time to protest as before you knew it, your bags were packed by mother dearest, and you were sitting on a horse with Mitsuhide ready to go. Mitsuhide gently held you him his arms, and once the two of you had said your goodbyes to the Oda forces, Mitushide kicked the horse into a gentle gallop. He stopped every so often to let you stretch your legs and water the horse. This man was impossible; he legit refused to give you any details of the trip. All he would tell you that you were almost there. Even though you had no clue as to where you were going or what you were supposed to do, you enjoyed the trip. Mitsuhide made sure the horse was going at a comfortable pace, and he would ask you ever so often if you were doing okay. The trip itself with Mitsuhide was pleasant as the two of you joked and chatted the whole way there. You enjoyed this side of Mitsuhide. He didn’t have to wear his usual devious villain mask around you, which he appreciated.

“We have arrived, little one.” You were super confused about what kind of mission would take place at a hot spring. Mitsuhide just grinned at you and dragged you into the changing area. Once you were changed, you walked into the washroom to see Mitshide sitting on a stool waiting for you. In front of him was another stool, and beside him was an array of oils and hair care products. He urged you to sit in front of him, you eyed him with suspicion but did as he asked. He then proceeded to wet and wash your hair. And hells the way he massaged your scalp made you feel like you had died and gone to heaven. He then proceeded to rinse your hair and massage some oils into it. He then left you to finish washing up. Once you were done, you made your way to the hot springs and got in. As you eased yourself in the water, all the stress and exhaustion left your body. Nothing soothes the body quite like the soothing waters of the healing waters of the spring. Once you were done relaxing, you made your way back to your room. Once again, you were greeted by the sight of Mitsuhide sitting outside your shared balcony. He turned, smiled at you, and offered you a cup of sake. The two of you sat there and watched the moon until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. Today had been the most relaxing day of your life. 

Mitsuhide was midway through a tease when he felt a sudden weight resting on his shoulder. He looked down to see the sweet little mouse sound asleep on his shoulder. “Such a naïve little mouse letting her guard down around such a dangerous kitsune. You truly are a silly creature.” He looked at your sleeping face wearing the softest expression, just when did he grow so attached to you. He carefully picked you up and carried you to your room. He then tucked you into your futon and gave your forehead a whisper of a kiss.

The next day you woke up at noon, you were feeling so relaxed. You couldn’t remember the last time you had slept in so late; you also couldn’t remember the last time you felt your leg feel so pain and discomfort free. Mitsuhide knocked on your door and came in bearing breakfast/lunch. He told you that once you were done eating and dressed that the two of you would make your way back to the palace. You gave Mitsuhide the biggest brightest smile when you realized that this supposed mission was just his way of getting you to relax and take a break. You made a mental note to thank Hideyoshi and Nobunaga as well. Despite what people say about this silver kitsune, he truly is a sweetie pie. After breakfast, you deadpan looked at him, walked over to him and gave him the biggest hug as a thank you for all that he has done. 

Cue error.mitsu.stopped.working.

The two of you made your way back chatting merrily when all of a sudden, some random assassin jumped out of nowhere and started attacking the two of you. You had found out that they were keen on killing Mitsuhide and kidnapping you to use later against Nobunaga. Mitsuhide drew his sword and took a stance ready to protect you. You spotted his rifle in the saddlebag. It took you a few minutes to figure out the exact mechanics of such an old rifle, but luckily your vast experience with guns helped you in that department. You took aim and fired a warning shot at one of the assassin’s feet. Mitsuhide looed back at you with the biggest shocked expression. You then stepped forward to stand beside him, spitting out your own threat to the assassins.

Of course, one of then just had to be a dumb ass and try something stupid. Before Mitsuhide could even move, you shot him in the leg, warning that the next shot would be between his eyes if he didn’t stay put. Mitsu managed to capture the assassins as you held them under gunpoint. The two of you made quite the team. On your way home, Mitsuhide couldn’t help but smile and tease the feisty mouse that saved his life, so to speak. He also couldn’t hold back his feeling for you any longers, so as you entered the town, he leaned down and whispered a confession of love in your ear. Your eyes went wide. Then you simply turned back to look at him wearing the most dazzling smile and kissed his nose. Once at the gates, your friends wondered why the two of you were wearing such big smiles.

Mitsuhide loved to take you with him on some of his missions. He was happy that he didn’t have to worry too much about you because of your excellent knowledge of guns. He would take you on those missions, which required him to dress up and perform. Once his performance was over, he would lead you to a fluffy blanket and picnic that he set up just for the two of you. Both of you would spend the rest of the day listening to various music performances. You loved this, of course, cause not only could you hear different music genres. But also the fact that it was the most peaceful, relaxed concert you had ever been to, no big crowds, no annoyingly loud people, no people trampling over your belongings and no screaming girls screeching in your ears. Just some good music and gentle cuddles.

Since being in a relationship with the sneaky snek, you have become very possessive over him. You will legit give all the women around you death glares, especially those who think they can steal your man during banquets. It gets especially annoying while you are chatting with your oda friends; they will try and swoop in and get his attention by pouring a drink for him. Luckily the only one who will ever capture his heart is you. He will see you feeling a bit jealous and will call you over, pull you into his lap, and give you the deepest, most passionate kiss in front of all them high court ladies. When he pulls away, he will tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear while proclaiming his undying love for you.

Luckily for you, Mitsu’s love language is also physical touch and quality time. He loves giving you little kisses all over your face. He loves to caress your face and hair. And boy does he love to have you snuggled up in his arms nuzzling into his neck. He will spend as much time as humanly possible with you showering you with his love. Loves giving you little touches and sweet caresses. When you are insecure, the kitsune will be especially soft and kind. He will pull you to sit in his lap, pull his fingers through your beautifully soft silky hair and whispers sweet nothing in your ears. There might be a few neck kisses and ear nibbles as well. Mitsuhide’s ultimate favorite is to just sit with you in his arms while he spends hours and hours playing with your hair and chatting about anything and everything.

Other potential matches……………Masamune 

Ikevamp matchup............................Napoleon  

I hope you enjoyed it, dear! And I hope you are staying safe and well @nxh-special-here-just-lia ! ^0^ Also sorry i didn't add an ikevamp description but i dont know the characters as well lol but i can do an ikevamp selfie matchup for you ^_^

[inviouswriting]

Rules - Mobile version

I am not cutting this for obvious reasons. It needs to be seen.

All places and people have boundaries. I’m no exception. Please read these before asking questions or requests if you have any. 

1. No loli/shota/underaged stuff. It’s illegal and I will call you out for it. I will never write for this. Not. Ever.

2. I write explicit stuff. Goes without saying… I write what I want. I can’t tag it with certain tags otherwise this site flags it. So if the content is specific, it will have smut tagged in the description. 

3. No incest or rape. I find it disgusting. I will not write this whatsoever. I also ask that people making requests not include scenarios where character A finds out about character B’s past. I prefer to write happy and pleasant things.

4. I won’t write domestic abuse. It’s off limits. I rather write positive stuff over negative. So no scenarios of asking “reader/character came from a bad past. How will this character react.” Some doors are best not opened. I will personally if I feel prompted to will write it on my own terms.

Clarifying rules 3 and 4. Basically I won’t write rape, domestic abuse, incest, reader was a victim of cruel things, suicidal thoughts, was a cutter, has scars or self harms. I can handle some serious topics but nothing that will be outright triggering to readers who have gone through these things. There are certain subjects that shouldn’t be touched just for a reading prompt. Out of respect. If I write something involving anything of these. It’s my own accord. I want to touch it and provide something to others who might need to read something positive about something dark they’re going through.

5. Do not steal my works. I do not give out the permission to repost my written work at all. If you see it anywhere let me know. This kind of goes without saying. Please don’t rewrite my stuff to fit your means. I do not take well to my stuff stolen.

6. Death/gore/depressing/graphic content - I am capable of writing it. Just not for this blog. I am no longer accepting requests for this kind of content. I will delete them. I won’t write reactions for “character is killed in front of character. What are their reactions.“  I don’t like writing triggering content for fandoms. 

Angst is okay. There is a difference between tragic and angsty feels stuff. I just don’t like writing death as much as I use to. Unless it is my reaper.

Comfort and dealing with serious subject matter will always be held with respect. But I just don’t feel comfortable writing it for enjoyment. I have an original universe I do write this content for. So if you see one of my “Original Writings” this content is frequent there.

Thank you for understanding.

FAQs.

1. Why can’t I ask for incest and rape. Domestic abuse? 

Getting into the real of it. I survived it. I did not come from a good childhood. It was full of all of this. I’ve been preyed upon by multiple abusers. I do have PTSD from them, so I keep it out of my writing to avoid triggers and I hate focusing on a negative point in my life. I’ve come a long way from where I was from my traumas. To anyone else who has suffered through it. My writing blog will always be a safe haven from it. This is the only place where I will mention it, I ask that no one come into my inbox for details. I already said more than enough  I don’t like letting people know this side, but I feel like this is where I can explain it. It takes a long time to push pass those feelings. I still struggle with them, just some days are better than others.

2. What takes so long for a post sometimes? I have a full time job that takes alot of my time. I leave at 2:30 - 3 am every morning and don’t get home till around 5-7 pm. I’m tired. If I have time to write something I’ll write it. My free time is usually on the weekends. So patience~ Or whenever I have downtime while I work! 

3. Rule 5 explained - “It’s just written words.” Words and time I will never get back. Just like art theft, story theft hurts the people involved who spent hours writing and getting things right.  So I don’t allow people to print my work, or otherwise copy it and post it across mediums for others. ASK ME FIRST! 

4. I don’t do commissions. I free-write. I also write for myself. It takes me a while to get inspired, and this is a hobby. I like to keep my talents and skills as hobbies rather than make a job or chore out of it. I feel like once I do that. It loses its charm. I did do that once for a fandom (not commissions) but I got so swamped that I left that fandom and refuse to touch it. (looking at you Undertale.) I by no means hurt for money, I have a regular paying job that takes care of me. So no one ever has to worry about me asking them for donations or commissions.

5. You posted something and now I can’t find it. I am normally proud of my written works. There is only one fandom where I have trashed every single thing I’ve written for it. If I despise one of my written works. I probably trashed it. Or if I feel controversy hits, I will remove it. I have zero time to be playing high school games of “ooh she said this lets all gang up on her and hate her for this.” If you are that kind of person. Kindly go away. I don’t want those kinds of people in my circle. I will ban people who act like that.

Personal preference in writing - I tend to try and write gender neutral. Unless prompted or I want to write a specific gender. I tend to lean more towards m x f stories. It’s more my element. More of what I am comfortable with. I am not accepting same sex prompts at this time. Not because I am homophobic or against homosexuality. I don’t feel comfortable posting it. 

There is a theme here. My comfort level. When you click on this blog. You are stepping into my world, and what I bring forward. If my comforts are not yours. Then seek elsewhere. I will not sacrifice my comfort level for you. If I take a prompt on, I either like it, or am trying something out. 

I want to express something whilst here. I have learned in total.. 15 characters for ff14. because I like writing for you all. 15 characters that I graciously spend my time thinking of ideas for. I am adding onto this as I learn new faces. I have over 450 posts just for ff14. Characters I wasn’t certain of learning, I learned and write happily for friends and readers.

Everything I write is my own prompting unless I otherwise specify it. I tag and credit prompts and pictures used, characters. You name it. The only thing you will not see on my blog is unsourced artwork. 

So... to kind of go into something. Since December when I first started Trust. And after the loss of my original writing blog. I have written over 455 posts all for FF14. 

It is a pure privilege to be able to read what I bring out. I am excited to write it! But all of that can come to a screeching halt with careless words. I am a human behind this blog. I do have feelings, I do all of this of my own free will. 

And I am grateful to the kind souls I have met through this. 

I’ll touch on more.

I write for - 

FF14

Kamigami no Asobi

Ranma1/2

Sailor Moon

Ragnarok Online

Bleach

Content I write -

Smut

Romance

Fluff

hc’s

oc x canon - (Usually my own, it is hard for me to write others oc’s.)

original works

friendship

gender neutral readers

reader inserts

I tend to favor female x male writing. So you’ll see a lot of this.

What I won’t write! - 

Death - IE - Character reactions to gravely injured s/o, reactions to love interest dying, being hurt, maimed, or anything catastrophically shocking. 

Gore - This is not the blog you will see death and dismemberment and anything or anyone bathing in it. (I only write that for my original story.)

Rape (See rule 3.)

dubious consent (Still rape yo)

Canon x Canon. Sadly someone ruined this for everyone else. I won't write something involving another character. Unless I personally do it. This will be once in a blue moon.

Triggering things - Stalker, Yandere, abusive content, survivors of things, Tragic backgrounds where character has suffered great abuse growing up or the sort. 

Mental health or other dysphoria, real world problems. Unless specifically asked for a honest prompt. And I mean ones that are held in respect and never mocked.

I want to keep my writing blog drama free. 

All of my content is my own. My prompts, if I use a prompt from somewhere I will have it credited with respect and a highlight back to where I got an inspiration from. 

Last but not least. If you HAVE a complaint. Please send it to my main blog @Invidia1988 . Again I want to keep this blog drama free!

[electronicgrowth]

Guardian Angel: Chapter 6

We’re getting in to where we overlap with the movie a bit. So, spoilers. I think we’re getting close to the end here friends. 

WC: 2308

Warnings: talks of Plan B, police, major spoilers

One of the first things I did when I got back to San Francisco was stop by the pharmacy to get Plan B. On the plane I realized that now wasn’t the time for a baby. 

Ethan was irate that I went back to Massachusetts so close to the wedding, he was also angry that I didn’t tell him. I had to remind him that I was an adult. I just proceeded to help Maya with wedding details. 

Ethan and Maya got married at a hilltop winery in Napa Valley. Just family and close friends. It was a beautiful wedding. Anyone with eyes could see that Maya and Ethan were ridiculously in love. I couldn’t help think of Ransom. The last time I had seen him, he had promised me this kind of life. The marriage, the kids. I resolved to call him tomorrow.

During the reception I received several calls from a number I didn’t recognize, although the area code was a Boston one. Finally after the ninth call I answered.

“Hello?” I said, stepping outside away from the festivities.

“Leah?” The voice on the other end asked. It was a woman’s voice.

“Yes, this is Leah,” I answered.

“Leah, it’s Linda Drysdale. Ransom’s mother,” she said.

“Oh, Linda. Hi,” I awkwardly uttered. 

“Hi, sweetie,” she said. What? Sweetie? Had this woman ever called me sweetie? The last time she had seen me I was getting called a whore.

“Is everything okay, Linda?” I asked.

“Actually, no,” she answered, “I need you to come back to Massachusetts. Ransom’s been arrested. And we need you as a character witness.”

“Oh god. Okay. Arrested for what?” I asked.

“We can talk about everything when you get back here,” she answered. 

“Um, I’m at my brother’s wedding. But I can fly out tomorrow is that good?” I said.

“That’s fine honey,” Linda sighed, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night,” I murmured before ending the call. 

The next morning I pack all my stuff and flew back to Massachusetts. I didn’t tell Ethan and Maya any specifics. But I promised to call and text. 

I landed in Boston that afternoon and got a car to Ransom’s house. There were more cars in the driveway than I had ever seen. Ransom’s car wasn’t there though. I let myself in this time. Ransom was sitting in the living room surrounded by Linda, Richard, and three men I had never seen before. When I barged in, everyone turned to look at me. 

“Leah, dear,” Linda smiled walking toward me, “I hardly recognized you. Your hair looks great that color.” She pulled me into a stiff hug and kissed my cheek. I wasn’t used to this level of affection from Linda, but returned the hug nevertheless. 

“Leah, these are Ransom’s lawyers, Kenneth Hill, Eric Musgraves, and Rodney Phillips. Gentlemen, this is Leah Becker, Ransom’s girlfriend,” Richard said. 

I awkward waved from where I stood next to Linda near the doorway. I didn’t realize I still held the title of girlfriend. 

“Ransom, why don’t you help Leah with her luggage?” Linda scolded. This prompted Ransom to look at me for the first time since I had arrived. He rolled his eyes at his mother, but stood and grabbed my suitcase with one hand, he grabbed my hand in his other. He hauled the suitcase and me back to his bedroom. I could feel all the eyes on me. He quickly shut his bedroom door behind us. 

“What is going on, Ransom?” I asked.

“I messed up,” he murmured, eyes on the floor. I took off my coat and scarf and grabbed his face. He looked me in the eyes, tears welling up in his blue eyes. 

“We have to go back out there, the lawyers will explain,” Ransom whispered. 

“Okay,” I said, nodding turning to go back to the living room. 

“Wait,” he commanded, “Please put this back on. For me.” He held up my necklace. The one he’d bought me for my last birthday. The one I took off before I flew to California. 

I nodded, turning around so he could put it on me. He quickly fastened it. He leaned down to kiss my neck. I closed my eyes, absorbing the pleasure. I backed into him, wanting to get closer. He turned me back around and pushed me against the bedroom door, he quickly kissed me. I opened my mouth to his and pulled him closer to me. He pulled away moments later.

“I’m sorry that I left,” I apologized, “I was going to call you.”

He kissed me again. 

“Please don’t leave me again,” he begged.

“I won’t,” I promised. 

Ransom held my hand and lead me out of his room. We returned to the living room, Ransom took the seat he had been in when I’d gotten there. I sat on the arm of Ransom’s chair, and he put his arm around me. 

“So, who’s going to tell me what’s going on?” I asked. 

The lawyers proceeded to tell me what Ransom was accused of. Conspiracy to commit manslaughter, arson, and murder. His grandfather. Fran. It was a lot to absorb. 

“The police claim to have a recording where Ransom admits everything,” said one lawyer, I wasn’t clear on which was which. 

“If that recording goes away, it’s all circumstantial, right?” Linda asked. 

“Yes, without the recording, no jury alive would convict Ransom,” said another lawyer, “especially, if his girlfriend takes the stand and talks about how amazing he is.” Everyone looked at me. Was I supposed to say something? Luckily, I was saved by my phone ringing. 

“That might be my brother, so I should get that,” I mumbled weakly. I got up and saw that it was not Ethan. I didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway, to get out of this conversation, if nothing else. 

“Hello?” I answered.

“Is this Leah Becker?” The voice asked. 

“Yes, it is,” I said, walking into the kitchen, away from listening ears. 

“Miss Becker, this is Detective Lieutenant Elliot. I understand that you just returned from a family wedding on the west coast,” he stated. 

“Umm, yes,” I stammered, “how can I help you?”

“I would like to ask you to come down to the station. We would like to ask you some questions about Hugh Drysdale,” he declared.

“Oh, I don’t know. I—“

“Today, Miss Becker,” he said, before hanging up the phone. 

I walked back to the living room. And went to sit back by Ransom. 

“Who was that on the phone, baby?” He asked.

“The police,” I answered, “they want to talk to me. As soon as possible.”

*****

I went to the station later that afternoon with the youngest of Ransom’s lawyers, Rodney Phillips. I was greeted by an older woman with straw-like hair, and eyes clouded by mascara goop. I told her that I was there to meet with a Detective Elliot. I was shown into an interrogation room, I assumed that was done to freak me out. I waited about fifteen minutes before two men walked in. 

“Miss Becker, I’m Detective Elliot, and this is Trooper Wagner,” one man said. 

“Hi, so why am I here?” I asked. 

“We just have a few questions,” Trooper Wagner answered.

“Tell us about your relationship with Ransom Drysdale,” says Detective Elliot.

“I met Ransom years ago. He was my brother, Charlie’s roommate at Harvard. I’m Charlie’s baby sister, so he went to college when I was still really young. Charlie and Ransom did everything together. Best friends, I guess. My mom disappeared when I was a kid. She decided that she was sick of the whole wife of a public defender thing. She hated kids, so she left the three of us with dad. And then my dad died when I was sixteen. He got in an accident, the other guy was drunk. So, I went to live with Charlie and Ransom after that. They had just graduated a few years before. So, having me around must have really cramped their style,” I said.

“Where is Charlie now?” Elliot asks. 

“Charlie is— Charlie passed away about four years ago. After college he got a job on Wall Street. And you know, coke is the name of the game for young guys over there,” I hesitated, “He didn’t overdose or anything. The doctors think he had an arrhythmia that he never knew about. I fell apart after Charlie died. My other brother, Ethan, is out in California doing the whole tech thing, so he wasn’t there.”

“And around that time, you became much closer with Ransom Drysdale?”

“Yes. He took care of me. I could barely get out of bed. I didn’t really know what to do. He made sure I ate and showered. Helped me go to school,” I responded.

“When you were 23 you were involved in a car accident. One where you were pretty critically injured. How did that affect your relationship with Ransom?”

“Well, it was right after I graduated college. I was working an unpaid internship at a super small publishing company and working shitty hours as a receptionist. But, I was on my own and it was fun. But yeah, I was driving home late one night and my brakes went out. I— I, um, went off the road. Well, actually I flipped the car. A few times. I was pretty badly injured. Like the works, broken bones, concussion, cuts, I actually had to have my left knee totally reconstructed. While I healed Ransom took care of me. He even convinced Harlan to help foot my hospital bills.”

“After you recovered, you went to work at the publishing company owned by the Thrombey’s? Is that correct?”

“Yeah. When I graduated, Ransom offered to help me get a job there. Initially, I turned it down because I wanted to make my own way. After my hospital stay, I really needed the money. So, Ransom helped me get a job.”

“Has your relationship with Ransom evolved beyond just one of friendship?”

“Ransom has been— the only constant in my life for five years. He’s my guardian angel, my very best friend.”

“But is there more to your relationship than a friendship, Miss Becker?”

“No.” I lied.

“Really?” Asked Trooper Wagner.

“We have numerous members of the Thrombey family on record saying that you two were involved. Sexually,” counters Detective Elliot. 

“What does that have to do with the matter at hand?” I inquire.

“I suppose we’re just curious about the type of woman who gets involved with a man like that,” Trooper Wagner spits out, “Did he tell you what he did?”

I look down, at my fingers laced together on the tabletop. I refused to answer.

“Here’s the recording of Ransom admitting everything,” Detective Elliot said, placing his phone on the table in front of me. The recording was horrifying. I listened to it for about a minute. 

“Turn it off,” I demanded. 

Both men ignored me. 

“I said, turn it off!” I yelled throwing the phone against the wall of interrogation room. 

“We’re leaving now,” said Rodney. 

“You can’t leave,” Trooper Wagner exclaimed, “she just destroyed evidence.” 

“What?” I gasped. 

“That was our only copy of that recording,” Trooper Wagner shouted. 

“Miss Becker had no way of knowing that. Her outburst was clearly a stress-induced reaction and if you wish to charge her, you know where to find her,” Rodney maintained, pulling me out of the interrogation room, and escorting me out of the police station. 

When Rodney and I returned to the house, everyone else was still there, having coffee. 

“I think Leah just found a solution to our biggest problem,” Rodney smirked. 

“What do you mean?” Kenneth asked.

“She threw the cell phone with the recording at a wall. And it was the only copy of the recording,” Rodney’s smirk grew into a mischievous smile. 

“We’ll have to make verify that it was the only copy of the recording with our guy on the inside,” said Eric, “But this is good, very good.” 

“Gentlemen, I think that is enough for today,” Richard called. The lawyers all agreed that we would meet again tomorrow. Everyone filed out. I gathered the coffee cups that had been left scattered in Ransom’s living room. 

Ransom locked the door behind the lawyers and his parents. I took the used cups to the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher. Ransom followed me into the kitchen He sat at the counter, watching me place the mugs precariously on the top rack of the dishwasher. 

“I guess we deserve each other,” I mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Ransom asked me. 

“You commit crimes, and I unwittingly destroy police evidence,” I laughed hysterically, slapping my hands over my eyes. Ransom stood up and closed the dishwasher, he then lifted me up to sit on the kitchen counter, he came to stand in between my legs. 

“How about we say that we deserve each other because we love each other?” He murmured, “Maybe the rest doesn’t matter, at least not in terms of our relationship.”

“How do you feel about everything?” I asked, reaching out to stroke his cheek.

“I don’t know,” he answered, holding my hand in place with his, “Aren’t you going to ask?”

I hesitated. I knew Ransom well enough to know what he was referring to, but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know.

“Come on, Bunny. Ask me,” he urged, looking in my eyes.

“Why did you do it?” I relented. 

“Harlan was cutting me off. I knew that I could never deserve you without the money,” he answered, “It just got out of hand.”

“Ransom, the money is nice, but it’s never mattered,” I placated. 

“I’m going to find a way to provide for us,” he insisted, “And anyone else who comes along.” 

@marvelismysafezone @captainsmallassrogers

[daybreak-academy-fanfic]

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 28

Guy Friend Curse

Summary: In which Anora falls off a ladder in a bid to help decorate the gym. Word Count: 1,691 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

Apparently, making friends with guys was an absolute mistake. Especially when physical labor was involved. Even more especially when they knew you had an injured shoulder and probably shouldn't be doing said physical labor. Hindsight is 20/20 though-  Anora wouldn't have signed up to help decorate the gym if she had known she was going to hurt herself.

Mog, Affie, and Ephemer must have really liked the way Anora would go from pouting to full out annoyance, because it was the only expressions they got from her for three days straight.

The first day of decorating was filled with “I got it, Anora!” or “Don't pick that up, I can do it myself!” and it wore thin quickly. Even when Anora thought she could get away with lugging a box of streamers to a different corner of the gym, one of the boys would stop her. If it was Ephemer, he'd wag a finger at her and say, “I've got this one” before taking the box from her. Mog would just take the box right out of Anora's hands without warning. Affie, bless him, did try to take a more gentle approach; he'd thank Anora for getting the box for him as he carefully pried it from her hands.

On the second day, Anora had decided to be more tactical. Throughout the day, in small increments, she'd move a ladder (one with wheels at the bottom) over to a wall. At the same time, she would slowly start to move a box of banners up each step of the ladder. The ladder did move a bit if Anora moved too quickly- but none of the boys were catching wind on what she was doing, so she didn't really notice at first.

When everything was in position, Anora took a quick scan around the gym to made sure none of the boys were watching her, then ascended the ladder. She gave herself a pleased smile as she started to get out the things she needed to hang up a banner. Putting up the hanger was easy- it was when she had to use both hands to actually hang the banner that things got tricky. She didn't have the ladder close enough to the wall, making her reach a bit further than she intended.

Anora tried to force herself a bit closer, but it made the ladder rock back in defiance. The sudden shift of weight surprised her and before she knew it, her balance had been completely thrown off. The girl let out an undignified shriek as she lost her footing on the ladder and started to tumble backwards.

“Anora!” the three boys exclaimed at the same time. Ephemer and Affie were quick to rush over to her- they both managed to break her fall before she could hurt herself. But in the catch, most of Anora's weight fell onto Ephemer; the both of them tumbling backwards onto the ground.

“You guys alright?” Affie quickly asked, not sure if he should pry them off each other or not. Mog only stood there, blinking in shock.

Anora only gave a few blinks as her senses came back to her. When she realized she had landed on top of Ephemer, Anora quickly scrambled to get off of him. It took Ephemer a moment after to recover as well. He sat up, dazed, before turning to look at Anora.

“I swear,” Ephemer retorted, trying to catch his breath. “You're going to be the death of me. You know that? You're lucky I like you, lemme tell you. Yikes Anora...”

“Here, here!” Mog agreed with a raise of hand. Ephemer didn't seem to listen as he went on.

“You could have really hurt yourself.” he kept fussing. “What were you thinking?”

Anora didn't look him -or the others- in the eye. Her hand went to absently glide over the shoulder brace as if it were hurting her. Ephemer noticed the gesture and frowned.

“Look,” he then told her, putting a hand on top of hers, “I know you want to help. But we've got this. We don't want you to get any more hurt before your brace comes off next week. We're honestly just trying to help you, Anora, promise.”

“Then why am I here?”

The boys all took a step back in shock. If it wasn't for their reactions, Anora would have assumed she had thought it- she hadn't meant to say her thoughts out loud. She especially didn't mean for it to come out so dark either. Ephemer put his hand back down at his side.

“I wanted to help.” Anora carefully said. Her lip was quivering as she picked herself up. Ephemer opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he found he couldn't. Slowly, carefully, Anora started to walk away from her friends. They all watched her in silence as she left the gym, not making any effort to try and stop her.

“I guess we'll meet back up again tomorrow?” Affie asked, hoping to change the mood a little.

“I'm alright with that.” Mog agreed- nodding his head a bit too quickly. “What about you Ephemer?”

But Ephemer didn't answer him. Instead, the silver haired boy only stared at where Anora had been. When Mog was about to ask again, Ephemer started to get up.

“I can do that.” he replied. “Same time, right?”

And, despite the tension, Mog gave a great big smile as he affirmed, “You bet!”

. . .

All three boys held their breath in waiting for Anora the next day. Even if they hadn't let her do much, it still felt wrong to start without her. They still needed to apologize too.

When Anora finally arrived, she looked like she had just rolled out of bed. A new round of guilt hit the boys as they watched her come over to them- in her hand was a shopping bag containing four bento boxes. Once she was close enough, Anora gave each of the boys a bento, then she sat down on the floor before she started to softly fuss over hers.

Confused, the boys looked at each other before mirroring her. Mog was the only one that reacted to the bento's contents in earnest. Ephemer tilted his head before giving the heart shaped sandwich a poke. He looked up at Anora and gave an ambiguous smile.

“It's not poisoned, is it?” Ephemer teasingly mused. Mog, who had already devoured half of his sandwich, suddenly stopped and gave Anora wide, fearful eyes. To his relief, she shook her head.

The four of them laughed at Mog's expense as they started to eat. After everyone was done eating, a silence filled the air around them. No one was quite sure on what to do next. It was Affie who turned to Anora and said, “We didn't mean for you to feel left out.”

“It's like a curse!” Mog quickly declared. “We know you can do stuff, but we like you so much that we're just afraid of you getting hurt! And we kinda, sorta, smothered you in the process...”

“We really didn't mean to.” Affie agreed. “Honest.”

“We love you.” Ephemer carefully added, earning eager nods from the other two.

Anora thought this over, lulling her head from side to side. When she looked up at them, she gave them a bright, wide smile; they were forgiven. For now.

As they returned to work, the boys made extra care to include Anora. They let her carry the lighter boxes around, they rotated on who was blowing up balloons with helium, and they made sure she had an opinion on every decoration placed. It was honestly still overbearing, but it was a tolerance Anora could allow for now. The boys were trying to make it up to her, after all.

When the four of them finished decorating the gym, they all took a step back and admired their handiwork. The gym was almost unrecognizable when every inch held banners, or party streamers, or balloons to hide the wood grained walls. So proud of their work, the four of them declared their mission a success, and bid each other good bye for the night. Ephemer insisted on walking Anora back to her dorm; after such a long day, she agreed without a second thought.

“So tomorrow's the dance, right?” Ephemer mused, if only to pass the time as they walked. “Time really flies, huh? After that it'll be the play, and then after that it'll be summer, and who knows what we're going to do next school year. I feel 10 years older just thinking about it.”

Anora tilted her head from side to side in thought. She hadn't considered that far out yet. Surviving today seemed to be her main focus for the time being- considering what's happened to her this past month, it seemed to be the wisest choice.

“You haven't even told me what you're wearing yet,” Ephemer playfully reminded her, “How am I going to recognize you?”

Anora gave him a funny little face as she thought it over.

“I'll still be me.”

Ephemer smirked. “True enough.” he agreed. The two didn't say much to each other after that, a small silence entering between them that didn't feel stifling. When they were a bit closer to the Vulpes girls' dorms, Ephemer lulled his head over in thought.

“If it's alright, we might all meet up at your dorm.” he mused to Anora. “Skuld might come a bit early to help get ready- but Ven and I will definitely be there a little before 7. Is that alright with you?”

Anora nodded. She didn't mind; having Skuld to help sounded pretty nice too. Ephemer noted her reaction and gave a fond smile to himself.

“Just promise not to fall in love with me when I'm all dressed up.” he then proceeded to tease. “Last time I wore a suit, Skuld asked me out on a date!”

That made Anora laugh, and Ephemer didn't waste any time in joining her. Without either of them knowing, they might already had fallen in love with each other…

[basic-cable]

Fic Rec Bingo

I saw this making the rounds on Twitter and decided I’d like to try it (mostly because I enjoy going back through my list and reminiscing about the ones I love but haven’t read in a while), but didn’t feel like Twitter was the best place to post mine. I’ve got both Dreamwidth and Pillowfort, but I haven’t really used them. This is probably the kind of thing that should go there, so maybe I’ll post it there, too. We’ll see. 

Anyway, I only read in four fandoms, so maybe my recs will be boring to most people. But they’re good stories, and maybe there are even some people out there who haven’t read them. 

I don’t expect any reblogs or anything, but maybe people will see it and decide they’d like to take part, and then there will be more fic recs out there making the world a better place.

I put them under a cut because the descriptions and stuff take up so much space.

1. A fic you love without knowing the source material Take the Pieces and Build them Skywards by quarterturn Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 44,816 ** Explicit ** Character Death Gerard's not happy with his life, but that doesn't mean he's particularly thrilled when he wakes up dead. To add insult to injury, he finds out that instead of crossing over, he's been chosen to join the ranks of the grim reapers. Things get more complicated when he falls for one of the living, a waiter named Frank Iero. And just when everything finally seems to be falling into place, Frank's name shows up on the list of souls to be reaped. Loosely based on the TV show Dead Like Me.

I don’t know anything about the TV show Dead Like Me; when I first read this fic in 2009, I had never even heard of it. I’ve wondered since then if I like it even better because I don’t know anything about the source material, but I’ll never know.It made me laugh and cry; it’s an emotional roller coaster, and I love it.

2. A fic with a premise that shouldn’t work but does

An Inexplicable Occurrence of Angels by stele3

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 35,192 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

I've messed with the band timeline, clearly. This is set in summer of 2005... but it ain't the Summer of Like. This is a story about second chances and gutting through your own failures, but never letting them defeat you. Take that, bitches.

Frank (Frank!) is a literal angel, okay, but there is not a thing I don’t love about this story. It’s angsty but still manages to be cute and charming as fuck, and the characterization is great.

3. A fic you’ve reread several times

Seeds by thesardine

Sherlock ** Gen, supposedly ** 5,475 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

In a fit of boredom Sherlock plants some seeds, may or may not eat one cracker, and definitely waxes dramatic on the sofa for a while.

Sherlock struggles with a bit of depression caused by boredom, and accidentally discovers a hobby he slowly learns to allow himself to enjoy. I love this a lot; the author takes us into Sherlock’s headspace, so you’re painfully aware just how much he needs a distraction, and how much better off he is with John in his life.

4. A fic you still remember many years later

In Care Of by Fangs_Fawn

Harry Potter ** Gen ** 45,319 ** PG-13 ** Child Abuse

During the summer before sixth year, Harry finds an injured bat in the garden and decides to try to heal it...and an unwilling Snape learns just what kind of a person Harry Potter really is.

Between the Dursleys getting what’s coming to them, and the redemption of Harry, Snape, and Dumbledore in each others’ eyes, this story has really stuck with me through the years.

5. A comfort fic

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 203,273 ** Mature ** No Warnings

The British Government accidentally clones Sherlock Holmes. Which brings a baby to 221B Baker Street.

Thousands of words of fluff. Literally. There’s not a lot of conflict in this story, which makes it a great comfort fic when your mind is too busy or real life is too depressing.

6. A cathartic fic

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 157,369 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

"Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?"

Post-Reichenbach John is walking the line between fantasy and reality, choosing to stay with the Sherlock in his head rather than deal with the reality where he no longer exists. He eventually manages to attempt a normal life, but he’s bored and basically sleepwalking through his days, so when Sherlock finally reveals himself, it’s the best kind of relief. They go after the last remnants of Moriarty’s web, in hopes of a second chance at the life they should have had together.

7. A fic you’d print and put on your bookshelf

Saving Sherlock Holmes by earlgreytea68

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John Mycroft/Greg ** 139,494 ** Mature ** Underage

Okay. So. This was literally supposed to be, like, three or four chapters as a prologue to the show. Sort of a "what happened in the Holmes childhoods to make them the way they are today." That's why it's set in the time period it is, because I thought I was eventually going to leave them to go on to the show. And then...I got a bit carried away and thought, Here I have established the two young Holmes boys. Now what happens if, instead of making them wait twenty years, I give them everything they need to fix themselves right now? Forty-three chapters later, you have this story.

To be honest, I would like to have most of my favorite fics in book form, with actual pages, that I could pluck from my actual shelf and sit and read without the glare of a screen between us. But I do enjoy the feel of this story, and I do believe it would make a good actual book.

8. A fic you associate with a song

Unholyverse by bexless

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 186,764 ** Explicit ** Violence & Character Death

“He thinks I have stigmata,” Frank said, because what the fucking hell, it couldn’t get any worse. He might as well just lay it out.

“Oh, well,” said Brian into his hands. “Of course.”

Every time I so much as think about this series, MCR’s Heaven Help Us starts playing in my head.

9. A fic that inspires you

Turn by Saras_Girl

Harry Potter ** Harry/Draco ** 306,708 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Frankly, I love every single thing this author has ever churned out, but this one is my very favorite. Harry gets a glimpse into what his life could have been, and a chance to make big changes he desperately needs. 

10. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

So, So Fucked by Anonymous

Bandom ** Pete/Patrick ** 12,565 ** Mature ** No Warnings

Pete accidentally "outs" himself and Patrick on Good Morning America. Only problem? They're not gay. What now?

I was reading strictly in Harry Potter at the time, and wasn’t interested in bandom at all, but my best friend was doing betas for someone who was writing in bandom, and she ended up getting into it and then wrote this one, and kept calling me about it to bounce ideas around, and the story was so cute, and Pete and Patrick were so cute, and I suddenly found myself totally invested. Honestly I think it may have been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

11. A fic you wish could be a movie

The Anatomy of a Fall by novembersmith

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 107,525 ** Explicit ** Violence & Character Death

The unholy union of a high school AU and a ghost story. Gerard's life takes a strange turn when his family moves to a small town in Vermont and he discovers the locals aren't all what they seem to be. Also includes: unexpected nature walks, murder, pining, improper treatment of crime scenes, a number of bone-related puns, high school bullies, and a short-range shrub named Ferdinand.

This story has excellent imagery that I think would work really well on the big screen. Plus I can’t even hear the name of it without my heart doing flip-flops.

12. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

Seven ficlets for Valentine’s Day Part VII by RedOrchid

Bandom ** GSF ** 1,042 ** Mature? ** No Warnings

Panic-as-cleaning-equipment-AU Valentine's Day GSF.

I technically don’t have a fic for this bingo square, but this one comes close, I guess. The author was already in my larger circle of friends, but we didn’t actually talk to each other? She wrote this crack ficlet around the same time we started talking to each other more, and I still vividly remember it because of the genius involved in turning band boys into literal cleaning equipment. The line “Ryan bristled” has stuck with me to this day.

13. free space

Elf ‘Verse by mokuyoubi

Bandom ** GSF ** 103,247 ** Explicit ** Underage

Modern AU where Ryan is a famous poet, and he and Spencer are fiercely private and insular and stupidly co-dependent until Jon shows up and effortlessly breaks down all their walls.

Or

Wherein Brendon and Frank are Christmas elves who, inspired by Will Farrell movies, venture into the real world to become rock stars. Or something of that nature.

I’ve got a lot of love for this universe for various reasons, but it’s also fun and heartwarming and honestly, I don’t really need anything else.

14. A fic you’ve gushed about irl

Harry Potter and the Battle of Wills by Jocelyn (and her mum)

Harry Potter ** Mostly Gen ** 137,385 ** Basically PG-13 ** Character Death

Harry mourns his godfather as the war finally begins in earnest, bringing tragedy and new struggles for all those on the side of Good. If they hope to win, all quarrels must be set aside, new alliances must be forged, and Harry Potter must find the courage to face down dark wizards, his own emotions, and a destiny he did not choose. Snape blows his cover as a spy to save Harry from Voldemort.

This begins after Order of the Phoenix, and the story and characters read more like canon than any other HP fic I’ve read, so because of that and because it’s so, so good, I like to rec this one to people who are new to fandom.

15. A fic you associate with a place

Stately Homes of Wiltshire by waspabi

Harry Potter ** Harry/Draco ** 57,582 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Wiltshire! I’ve never actually been there, but this author is really good about details. The story is also lovely and funny.

16. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Home is a Name by Arsenic

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 39,314 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

MCR Clinic of Love. Companion fic to Wednesday Night Boys.

Okay, so this one is actually a sequel, and the first installment, Wednesday Night Boys, should 100% be read first. It must be said, though, that while the sequel doesn’t have any warnings, Wednesday Night Boys is about the Panic! kids as prostitutes, and has warnings for graphic violence, rape/non-con, and underage sex. The MCR guys work at the free clinic, and Home is a Name focuses on them. They’re honestly both gorgeous stories.

17. A fic you found at the right time

real or not real by thearkdelinquents

Anne with an E ** Anne/Gilbert ** 11,587 ** PG ** No Warnings

“I could do it.” Gilbert said, looking straight ahead.

Anne stopped. “What?”

He turned to look at her; they were just outside Green Gables now. “I could do it. I could court you.”

“What- We- You- I- You don’t like me like that.” Anne sputtered.

Gilbert smirked at her. “Well we could pretend. I could court you and be your fake boyfriend.”

For one of the few times in her life, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was speechless.

-

a fake dating fic but it's basically just a shirbert To All The Boys I Loved Before au.

I really, really loved Anne with an E. When the final season was released, I spent a weekend binge-watching the entire show, and then it was over and I was bereft, so I decided to see what was available on Ao3, and I found this, and it was exactly what I needed. And now I have another fandom.

18. A fic that you would read fic of

Left by lifeonmars

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 45,153 ** Mature ** No Warnings

John Watson is left-handed.

He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

In this universe, all right-handed people have some kind of power, or ‘knack’, most of which are mild and easily categorized. Sherlock’s is rare and believed to be the only one like it in the world. John is left-handed, part of the 10% of the population without a knack. I would read all kinds of fics of this fic.

19. A fic that made you laugh out loud

What to do When Your Flatmate is Homicidal by hyacinth_sky747

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 58,650 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Sherlock takes Molly's advice when dealing with his dangerous flatmate.

Heartwarming and hilarious. I laughed a lot.

20. A fic with a line (or two) that you’ve memorised by heart

A Necessary Requirement by Bexless

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 3,759 ** Mature ** No Warnings

Right, here is the extremely silly storylet I wrote BY HAND on holiday. On PAPER. With a PEN. My god. The things I do when I'm separated from my beloved net. It is set during the Summer of Like (Warped '05, for those of you who don't know) and is basically a product of my reaction to various pictures of Gerard groping himself on stage, which led to me obsessing about his dick and what it might look like. As usual, I chose to work this obsession out through Frank.

This fic could have gone to multiple other squares, but I am not usually the kind of person who can quote lines from things, and I have many lines from this story committed to memory. I’ve read it multiple times, because I read it every time I need a pick-me-up or a good laugh. Or if I’ve read something scary and I need something lighter before I can actually get up and move around my house...

21. A fic that gave you butterflies

Pretty Much A Sex God by adellyna

Bandom ** Spencer/Jon ** 3,985 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

Jon and Spencer’s first date.

The Jon in this story is so soft and warm and fluffy and his character makes my heart and stomach do weird things.

22. A fic that embodies something you value in life

A Marauder’s Plan by CatsAreCool (Rachel500)

Harry Potter ** Harry/Hermione ** 865,520 ** PG13 ** Violence/Death/Underage

What if Sirius decided to stay in England and deliver on his promise to raise Harry instead of hiding somewhere sunny? Changes abound with that one decision...

ALSO

Harry’s New Home by kbinnz

Harry Potter ** Gen ** 318,389 ** PG-13 ** Abuse

One lonely little boy. One snarky, grumpy git. When the safety of one was entrusted to the other, everyone knew this was not going to turn out well... Or was it? AU, sequel to "Harry's First Detention". 

In these two stories, Sirius and Severus throw everything they have into creating the best possible world for Harry, as he is their number one priority, because that is exactly how parenthood should be. 

23. A favourite AU

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 156,714 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

This has got quite a bit of schmoop, which isn’t usually my thing, but this story is so, so good, and I always love stories that describe Sherlock realizing and appreciating how extraordinary John is.

24. A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading

Collared by VelvetMace

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 83,028 ** Explicit ** Violence & Rape/Non-Con

In a world where the British Empire is still strong and slavery is her economic backbone, John has become a terrorist for the abolitionist movement. He is caught by Mycroft, enslaved, and given to Sherlock for training. The goal: To test a new kind of slave collar with the power to break even the strongest willed fighter. One that will make even John learn to love being a slave.

Dubious consent, and humiliation. I remember staying up very late reading this one, even though I had to work early the next morning. I just couldn’t put it down. 

25. A fic that made you feel seen

Buy Handmade by jjtaylor

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 18,755 ** Mature ** No Warnings

He knows something else is going to happen; his life isn't always going to be this. He just doesn't know what has to happen for that change to come, for him to wake up and become an artist with an Etsy page and a home studio, and to never have to see a cubicle again.

This is the story of my heart. I have felt Frankie’s feelings and thought his thoughts, and I love that he does something about it, and I love Gerard so, so much. I first read this in 2009, and my love for it has never wavered. I could have used this one for a good half of the bingo squares, but it’s the only one that could go here.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E50 (Feb. 5, 2019)

Are any of us ever, really, on the internet?

This week’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Matt Mercer!

Brian shames Taliesin and Matt for (to be fair, accidentally) pouring coke in with their 22-year-old scotch. I am also physically pained by this. I may need a minute to compose myself. (@loquaciousquark: “I like how you’re Brian in this and I’m Matt.”)

Announcements: MAME drop airs three hours before Talks every week! Next week’s Between the Sheets will feature Will Friedle, and last night’s episode featured Quyen Tran! Critical Role will be taking this coming Thursday off, and Talks Machina will be taking next Tuesday off, but the show returns on Valentine’s Day!

But for now, let’s jump into Episode 50: The Endless Burrows

Stats for this week’s ep: Fjord got the 50th HDYWTDT in the 50th episode! The Roper’s crit on Caleb would have one-shotted him had Caduceus not reduced it by negating the crit. Spurt is the first on-screen guest player character death in the history of the show. Chris Perkins was at the table for 22 minutes and 15 seconds. Taliesin: “That’s an episode of network television right there.”

Chris was in town unexpectedly, and asked if he could come watch the show. Matt had written Spurt as an NPC character, just to see how the M9 would react to him. As he was driving to the studio, he realized it could be a lot of fun to let Chris play the character instead. Chris was on board, and Matt told him “You’ll know when to jump in,” and that was that. Nobody else had any idea he was going to be playing.

Caduceus is “in his element but out of his element” underground. “He’s looking for things to be excited about. Not a lot of things to be excited about here. It’s kind of awful.” Taliesin is trying to let him be a little more tactical, to just take care of things and do what needs to be done. “He’s on edge, but it’s a healthy edge.”

Matt clarifies that the party haven’t really emerged into the Underdark---they’re just skimming the edges of it. After spending a lot of time there in the last campaign, Matt didn’t necessarily want to bring it back there again.

Caduceus doesn’t see the group as being deceitful so much as just people who haven’t had the option of being open before. “He’s trying to make that option available.” Part of his training at the temple involved talking to people, helping them feel better, and helping them open up, so this is nothing new to him. Matt: “The solitary therapist.” Taliesin: “He really, really likes them.”

Spurt was originally intended to be a potential hindrance to keep the group from getting past the fire giants stealthily, if he wound up coming along with them. Turned out he... sort of removed himself from that equation.

On the parade of tragic backstories: “I don’t think Clay fully comprehends how bad this all is. I don’t know if he can comprehend art film horror. ‘That’s rough, man.’“ Matt: “He’s the Fred Tatasciore of the group.” Everyone is delighted by that comparison.

Matt was looking for opportunities to bring tragic backstories together. Taliesin calls it a “car crash” approach.

Why are D&D characters often so tragic? Taliesin: “It’s harder to make an interesting happy person.” Matt: “That’s true, but it’s not impossible.” He talks about how it’s natural to try to build something into a character’s backstory to propel them into the dangers of adventure. It’s also the opportunity for a player to work through something they’re going through out-of-game in a safe, cathartic way.

Caduceus is “still a little lanky”. Taliesin points out that this is to be expected because he’s a “vegan on the road”. There’s a long discussion about how the food he makes is “basically semi-firm tofu”.

Matt freaks out a bit about the unintentional callback... VM also being a mid-level party descending into the Underdark in search of a halfling and almost losing a rogue’s foot to lava. A lot of things had to go a particular way for that to happen, and he definitely wasn’t expecting it, especially since he was consciously trying to avoid familiar territory with the Underdark this time around.

Brian: “Which is funny, because the writers never even saw the first campaign.”

Taliesin points out that a trickster cleric is meant to be more of a toolkit, whereas a grave cleric build is more of a medkit.

Taliesin: “I’ve learned my lesson, and I have like three new character ideas ready to go, for this campaign or the next.”

There’s a lot of debate about where the hell Spurt got a skunk, which leads to the creation of the magical item Skunk Jug, which produces a skunk.

Caduceus enjoyed the romance novel, but it hadn’t “entirely clicked”. “He’s aware that: ‘Ah, they’re doing the hanky-panky stuff.’ It’s not really in his wheelhouse.”

Matt was very proud of the group coming up with their plan to get past the giant, and he felt a bit bad that Nott rolled so low (although he also loves the “magnificent clusterfuck” moments that are the hallmark of D&D). Brian: “That’s just a testament to how bad Sam is as a player.” 

Caduceus took Warcaster as his next feat. “This seems to be in-character and useful.”

Fan art of the week: Nott running across the lava! Taliesin: “I want to play that game. That’s an 8-bit game I want to play.”

Brian asks Matt if the game’s about where he thought it would be at episode 50. Matt: “We’re charging into Xhorhas earlier than I was expecting. We need to get Ashley back soon.” (They’ll get her back in a couple months.) He also points out that some story beats have happened in the world in the group’s absence. He didn’t want to tailor the story’s trajectory to manufacture a big moment in episode 50. The group’s involvement in the Empire has been less than expected, but the direction they’re taking is much more direct than he was expecting. Taliesin points out that if the group had been Vox Machina, they would’ve involved themselves in the politics of the war instantly. Matt reiterates that he loves DMing in a reactionary way when the players push in an unexpected direction.

All Taliesin wants to do right now is fix that sword. He’s expecting it to be, like, a +1 cursed sword that just sings constantly and can’t ever be put down.

Taliesin: “I’m enjoying corralling all the kids.” Matt points out that he’s a much-needed influence on the group. Beau is the one that Cad considers to be his best friend. Dani: “You two can’t not be best friends in this show.” Cad thinks of Fjord as an angsty teen. He thinks Caleb is occasionally up his own butt a bit. He hasn’t figured out that Jester’s an adult yet. “’Oh, she’s happy and fine. Thank goodness someone is.’ And obviously she’s not, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.” He’s disappointed in Nott for the amount of drinking, although he hasn’t said it out loud.

Taliesin: “Cad thinks dangerous things have wisdom. Sometimes just walking up to something and asking is very useful. Sometimes you can avoid getting arrested in front of a coffee shop by offering the officer a hot pocket.”

Matt talks about how getting players to avoid combat is a teaching process that involves incentivizing out-of-the-box approaches. That’s in direct contrast to the more traditional grind-through-fights approach to D&D that was prevalent in the early editions, so it can be a process. He points out that you can talk to players out-of-game, or you can change your own plans to allow players a non-combat win even if it’s a bit of a stretch.

Taliesin and Matt both own a pair of chaps. As you do.

Taliesin’s personal inspiration for Cad’s staff was very Dark Crystal-driven. The crystal comes from the land he lives on. He dug up the crystal and made the staff himself; the beetles crawl into and out of the stick continuously.

Talks Machina: After Dog

Brian: "Are you relaxed right now?” Taliesin: “Yeah, there’s something in this Coke that’s really...”

Taliesin got started with eyeliner in high school with Vampire LARPing. He had a (mumblemumble)”furk idee” that got him into goth clubs early. Matt first learned to apply eyeliner for cosplay, then wore it for the first time outside of cosplay clubbing with Taliesin (they also had an industrial goth karaoke night).

Dumbest way they’ve managed to injure themselves? Matt was editing There Will Be Brawl’s final episode, which was a bit too overambitious and he was the only editor, and he didn’t sleep for 72 hours and threw his back out horribly from sitting too long. Taliesin was doing a student film as a teenager, and was asked to do a stunt that involved holding someone up to a moving train (Matt: “What the fuck, Taliesin?”). He had really long goth nails at the time and managed to break all ten of his nails off entirely doing that stunt. “I didn’t drop him into the moving train!” Matt: “That’s why unions are good.”

Brian: “I lit myself on fire with a molotov cocktail.” Yes, really, but he wasn’t badly burned. Taliesin: “Did you at least hit the man? Did it stick to him?” Brian: “It was not a man. It was a porta-potty.” Matt reiterates how grateful he was not to have grown up with cellphone video.

Matt: “So you’re saying...” Taliesin: “I was Emperor Norton, yeah.” Matt: “Aw. I’m proud of you!”

We all learned... a lot today. See you in two weeks for episode 100 of Talks Machina!

[dregstrash]

hiii could i request a zoyalai fic in which one of them (pick your victim xo) has been injured and the other is (begrudgingly? unexpectedly kindly? both is good?) taking care of them?

am i using this as an excuse to write more of my zoyalai detectives au? you betcha. am i also using this to procrastinate on all the other shit i need to do? you got me there. (is this also kind of long cause i fell into the trap of getting carried away? pretty much)

- in theory, their stakeout should have been very boring

- or as boring as anything can be when zoya was involved

- nikolai had loaded up on all the snacks for their all-nighter

- he made sure to get that gross jolly rancher stuff that zoya always had in her borrowed desk, and he had all the best chocolate the station’s vending machine could offer

- they were both staking out a known associate of the head of The Darkling’s delusional band of followers

- nikolai had said that if they were going to start to try to pin down his identity, it was better to start with the loonies who had nothing better to do than follow in the footsteps of serial killer

- zoya was hesitant to agree, but with the case dragging on and another body being found in an alley near the precinct, they were running out of options

- nikolai brought some of his old case files to work on in-between shifts while Zoya steadfastly looked out the window 

- “i remember i was a kid when this loony was still active,” he said trying to fill in the tiring silence, though he doubted zoya was listening to him,“then i got to the academy and after a long break, there was another one of those bodies found. they thought it was a copycat. then alina starkov happened, and it became too close of a coincidence.”

- this got her attention, “you know alina?”

- nikoali shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, “i met her at a police conference a couple of times. she was….”

- he didn’t know how to finish that sentence. she was a talented cop, a friendly face in the sea of hardened civil servants, the only girl who smiled at him like a friend and then turned him down for a date

- he didn’t like to brood unless it made him look extra dramatic, but it wasn’t often he had the thought “the one that got away” when it came to women

- “ha, you should wipe that look off your face, Lantsov,” zoya smirked at him and he just rolled his eyes in return, “pining is not a good look on you.”

- “i don’t pine, nazyalensky. but i am a little touched that you have an opinion on how good i look”

- she gave him a searing look that wasn’t entirely unkind 

- he took it as a victory 

- “no one was going to get stakov away from that high school sweetheart of hers– not even you”

- “you knew her?”

- “we worked the same department. i got the case after she was captured and another body was found”

- nikolai nodded, “and you’ve been working it ever since?”

- her gaze was fixed on the window when she responded, “my superiors wanted me to let it settle and label it a cold case until more evidence was found. but i want the bastard found. i’ve given up too many weekends and overtime for the papers in his file to rot in a forgotten drawer”

- “you must have quite the personal life, what with hunting serial killers and working for the federal government. your boyfriend must love that.”

- nikolai isn’t sure what made him say that last line, but he wasn’t going to deny that he’d been curious– to what end was his curiosity remained to be seen

- “are you expecting me to deny that i have a boyfriend?” she said neutrally, but for all of her posturing, nikolai did note the lie in her eyes

- he grinned, “only if it’s the truth, nazyalensky.”

- she opened her mouth to respond, and he’ll always wonder what she was about to say, because at that moment a shot came through the window. 

- without thinking nikolai grabbed zoya and shielded her away from the window

- two more shots pierced the glass and zoya groaned from under him

- “get off me, idiot.” 

- “i guess ‘thank you’ wasn’t on your list of things to say?”

- she didn’t even bother responding, instead, she ducked from under him and drew her gun. he had no choice but to follow

- there were three perpetrators shooting from the attic of the house, directly parallel from the window they were watching from

- their shadows cut across the window and zoya was able to get in a couple of shots before they responded with a much more powerful succession of bullets

- “seriously? a machine gun? who are these guys?” zoya cried as she took refuge of the floor

- nikolai would have probably made some snarky comeback if his head hadn’t started to feel a tad lighter and a gross warmth started seeping through his side

- one of the bullets tore through the muscles of his abdomen and it wasn’t long before zoya turned around and noticed that he had collapsed onto the dirt floor 

- “shit shit shit,” she muttered as an eerie silence had suddenly replaced the earlier chaos, “lantsov, you better not die on me, i swear i will kill you myself.”

- “that’s a nice incentive” he gasped out. his vision was starting to black out. he felt his blood sink deeper into the floor boards, and he supposed it wouldn’t be so bad if he could just shut his– 

- a slap to the face, that was zoya’s solution

- “don’t shut your eyes!” her voice was frantic, and that’s what made him struggle to keep his eyes open. zoya was never frantic

- he heard her pace around the room, calling for backup, then searching their meager supplies for anything that could stop the bleeding

- “nikolai, i have to put pressure on the wound.” she was bent over him, her brown hair curtaining her face, and if he wasn’t so delirious from pain he would have noted how good she smelled. It distracted from the harsh pressure that she was putting on his wound.

- Her hand reached over and became a gentle caress on his face. wiping away at the sweat that was gathered on his brow

- it was so gentle, so out of character that it almost convinced him that he was going to die

- “promise me you’re not going to die right now, lantsov. promise me you’re going to stay awake until help gets here.”

- he didn’t know where he found the strength, he didn’t know how he could have even attempted at a smile at the situation, but it was there all the same 

- “i-i promise”

- that was all he could muster, before all he could focus on was pushing air into his lungs

- zoya didn’t make him speak again. she just held his hand. put pressure on his wound. pushed his hair back. and then talked soothingly. he couldn’t make out the words, but her voice was melodic and a steady stream of peace.

- the last thing nikolai remembered was the thunder of boots that turned out to be their back up. he felt himself being lifted up and placed on a gurney. he felt zoya’s hand still holding his. 

tagging the people that wanted to follow this detective au/people who looked like they were interested:

@stormwitchprivateer @rainbowzebraas @bucumber @strummoner @bi-zoya @nazyalenskey @julian-harlow @ifangirlninja @language-of-thorns @ididntmeantobutiaccidentally

[ta96msfn-blog]

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