#cant bring him down
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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so sick and tired of the “jedi are an evil and abusive cult that steals children” as if half the reason they weren’t protecting these children is bc sith were out killing them or TURNING THEM INTO SITH. they weren’t even STEALING children to begin with I thought we all knew that was Palpatine’s game not Yoda’s.
#i hate star wars fans i truly do#they wanna pick apart the jedi like of course there are mistakes and wrong doings#bUT THE SITH ARE RIGHT THERE#trying to build the narrative that anakin was abused by the jedi is absolutely crazy when his actions and thoughts were all his own#and GROOMED by palpatine#the only reason people want to pin them as bad people is because yoda could call out anakin’s bad behavior#that and they didnt promote him to master right away because oh im the chosen one i should be#like you need to PROVE you are the chosen one and that you WILL bring balance to the force and NOT DESTROY IT#THATS FHE WHOLE PROPHECY#AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY WERE CAREFUL WITH ANAKIN???#and then the oh well they make you supress feelings#nO#THEY#DONT#they make you surpress attachments so that if it comes DOWN to it you will save the many and not just risk it all to save the ONE#disney has done damage to the star wars community i swear#saw a tik tok comment section where they said the council is like the christian church#lost my MIND#well the jedi fit cult criteria!!#wow! star wars fans find out WHAT A GROUP OF RELIGION IS#LITERALLY ANY GROUP OF RELIGION CAN BE CALLED A CULT NOT EVERY CULT IS BAD#im sorry i cant stand it anymore#star wars#star wars tcw#auxxrat yap#jedi council#jedi#star wars legends
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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line
“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”
“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"
but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.
he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.
his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.
ghost doesn't let him.
"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."
soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.
he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."
the ice in soap's eyes fractures.
ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.
“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”
#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him#but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister#but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him#hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that#so he has to balance it#and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory#if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all#reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders#and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead#only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface#he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity#instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order#and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back#and help him through the after#the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order#it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost#and its his touch that brings him back to the man#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghost x soap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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You said you would always look at me.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 9
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userrain#userjjessi#userspicy#*cajedit#*gif#im fine i say (im a puddle on the floor) sometimes u gotta gif something already giffed to color it your way...& for all the little details#the deep relaxed breath chen yi takes in the first gif Before he recgonizes ai di...yet is still soaking up the sight of him...#vs the third gif where chen yi pulls back just the tiniest increment to get a better glimpse like...wait...ai di.#and the fourth where his eyes flick over ai di's face like... oh. *ai di.* EVERY MINUTE SHIFT IN HIS GAZE MEANS SOOOO MUCH#and ai di too the way he cant meet chen yi's eyes & the tear falling like theres something so poignant abt chen yi having this realization#and ai di not seeing it. but he's still stroking chen yi's arm? the heartbreak in that. the love in that. & then ofc chen yi reaching up#to meet ai di where he is before bringing him back down to him....his eyes opening a fraction when he feels another tear. checking in...#telling him its okay with his kisses. chen yi's hand sliding around ai di's chest to the back of his neck instead. ai di's fingers brushing#chen yi's neck as his tear slides down chen yi's face...how we dont SEE their hands clasp but we see the way they move to make it happen.#we watch as it becomes more and more mutual.... and finally the thing that makes me the most insane:#ai di's tear sliding down chen yi's nose & back to his own face in the last gif. i cant even. talk about that. just... GOD.
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???
you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"
#SOULMATES DOES NOT MAKE A COUPLE CANON <333#'she SAID theyre soulmates so that means hes HERS now and its gross for u to think he liked anyone else'#hey thats actually... really bad!! hey she actually cant and wouldnt force him to date her!!! hey what the fuck!!!#not a mikosai hate post#only weird forced romance likers hate post <3#if someone doesnt like someone then they dont like them... them being soulmates doesnt change that...#thats actually just not how it works and the idea that that WOULD be how it works is gross#and a lot of the fics ive read of them end up with aiura being all 'ha i told you so! i knew id break u eventually!'#'i knew id get to u if i just kept calling u my boyfriend without permission and saying we're soulmates!'#which like not only would she not do that... its also just really gross#like u really thought 'he doesnt like her so she wears him down and doesnt leave him alone until he relents' and like... u went with that?#oh...#weird...#idk maybe im crazy and also im having a hard time phrasing any of this#but it just brings up so many consent issues and it makes me really uncomfortable#like according to THOSE shippers it wouldnt be by his own will or feelings if he eventually fell in love with her#it would just be because the universe said so and he never had any choice#mikosai is so cute when u think of it in like the totally opposite way#in MY opinion i love mikosai AFTER aiura accepts that soulmates doesnt mean he HAS to date her#that HAS to happen before they date and THEN theyre really cute#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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hold on wait im unable to Scribble rn but i had this Lights Out interaction in my head and i need to put it somewhere before i forget. Okay so the scene is Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and Wally are all having quiet time in the post office. just vibing.
Howdy: i'm going to say something harsh
Poppy: that's alright. we understand <3
Frank: go ahead, it's better than bottling it up
Howdy:
Howdy, near tears: you're all so boring i think it's actually killing me
Poppy / Frank / Wally: ...
#he would Kill for one of barnaby's jokes#i imagine that when wally announces someone else has woken up howdy sprints through the darkness to the storage room#so so ready to have his Pal™️ back. someone with a sense of humor! someone he can really talk to! Enrichment for the Enclosure!#and then he gets there and its. its fucking eddie#he would break down sobbing...#he'd hold a completely uncalled for grudge <3#wh lights out au#of course wally would take it literally and start trying to remember jokes barnaby taught him#of course its been so long that he doesnt remember any but hes Trying#at least his attempts confuse howdy enough to bring Some sort of... entertainment? can it be called that?#i think all three of em would try to either make jokes or deeper conversation with howdy#but hes just too fast and punny for them... they cant keep up or they cant relate i think#at least he and poppy can hold conversations about their large families#until they remember that hey! those families were fake memories! they never even existed!#and then they get really sad. wally tells a horribly butchered joke & frank tries to distract them with bug/plant facts
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Anyway I was watching season 1 and I like how Stan really can't get himself to kill anyone (like any other sane eight year old) meanwhile Kyle is almost always down to murder whenever possible☠️ what is wrong with him lmao
more emotional Stan version (wasn't sure if it was too ooc or nah but I drew it anyway)
#im referring to rhw episodes “death” and s1e3? was it?#like the one where jimbo took them all hunting and stan coulsnt bring himself to kill a deer meanwhile kyle the menace was totally down toit#☠️☠️#or death where TWWWW SUICIDE DONT READ IF TRIGGERED stans grandpa asks him to kill him bc he cant so it himself#and Stan is really confused and doesn't know what to do and kyles like “i say you kill him”#also in the new pandemic special he shoots a bunch of milfs#menace i tell ye#i love rhem both sm#sp#south park#my art#kyle broflovski#stan marsh#stanley marsh#sp stanley#sp kyle#kyle sp#stan sp#sp style#style sp#< mayhaps lol#tw swearing#swearing
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"what are you thinking about?" that time in march when forsblad picked each other for the which teammate would you want to cohost a podcast w question
and ekky was too shy to look at the camera when he professed his love for forsy for the millionth time and that being the reason for his choice meanwhile forsy had absolutely no qualms staring into that thing and going we can talk about fishing :D
#aaron ekblad#gustav forsling#florida panthers#welcome back to these bitches haunt my psyche#“forsling just cuz i love him” “ekky we would have a good talk about fishing” one of these things is not like the others#ekky looking down at the paper w the question not bothering to make eyecontact with catmin#as he skedaddles out of there after he says “cuz i love him” still haunts me actually#forsy smirking the more he thinks about it and gives a final pleased little smile as he goes yep definitely ekky#once again i have to state forsy bringing up fishing#because at that point ekky has already taken him for several sea fishing trips AND organised the sturgeon tagging trip#do you guys understand what i mean when i say they flirt through fishing do you get it#also forsy picking ekky for fishing AS IF THEY WONT SQUABBLE ABOUT WHETHER DEEPSEA OR LAKE IS BETTER#HE IS A MENACE#“i pick forsy because i love him that whats most important to me we can find things to talk about i cant imagine doing it with anyone else”#“ekky we can squabble about fishing i enjoy when we both know a topic deeply enough we can debate about it thats practically foreplay to me#famously! i am not enough of a scholar to dissect the intricacies of their relationship! but boy am i thinking about it!#the forsblad really is intricate
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.
#i know im still in the aftermath but i cant stop fucking coming back to this#i feel what he did to my body with the stress he put on me every fucking day#good days never feel like healing#they feel like brief breaks#just why did he have to go and take it over the edge#when he kept the abusive behavior down to a level i could at least justify to myself then i also got to enjoy all the ways he took care ofme#the ways he was good to me#'abusive behavior' i still cant bring myself to just call it abuse#then he went and had to take every stress he had out on me with the meanest shit that still rattles around my brain#and then when i finally ended it and he got his feeling hurt checking this fucking blog#he used every tactic hed learned would scare the shit out of me over the previous 2.5years and did it all in one afternoon#he came home and had a big yelling freakout just like his ex did to him cause he knew just how scary and traumatizing that shit was#and then i had to fucking steep in that apartment for nearly another 2 months#god i want to get to a point where i dont feel this in my literal bones#but i wont anytime soon#i just miss having someone who at the very least holds me and soothes some of my pain#even when he was the cause of it
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an interesting point i remembered that i will tack on to that last post is that lime gets cocky post-timeskip. the m-34th trained him enough so that he can spar with her (as seriously as they can as friends) and win, and from what he sees from her power now/remembers seeing from her power before, he considers himself on-par with her.
so he can take mochi in a fight. and 98% of things mochi can take in a fight, he can too.
but at some point they encounter that 2% of things that lime cant do. and for the first time he gets to see the raw unhindered destructive power of the cat witch in her prime, and its that oh-too-familiar humbling feeling. to see the kind of shit shes capable of just makes the whole guild fall silent
and its STILL true that he can take her in a fight, which gives him comfort, but he realizes that the ONLY reason thats still true is because of the witch's oath of not taking life
#bpp#text#lore#another lime humbled moment#realizing that your rival self-nerfs her powers to keep the witch's oath#and if that oath was ever relaxed for any reason you lose all momentum#i dont think it gets him down as much as it would have for pre-timeskip lime#because as a black canvas and m-34th officer he brings unique powerful shit to the table that no one else (not even mochi) can do#but to see that.........he reflects for a long time#i love lime....#the fact that mochis powers are nerfed against people is just part of the mechanics and is something the m-34th knows and takes advantage o#its THE main reason they can beat witches#lime buddy you gotta accept the rpg game mechanics at some point. you cant be perfect
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punk!soap metalhead!ghost brain blast!!!
ghost trying so hard to get soap out of the bad parts of the scene bc he's starting to get pulled in by the shadows, a group of wannabe anarchists that stand for nothing except themselves, but soap loses his shit; laying into ghost for daring to try and "save" him
no one's ever been there for him when he needed them; no one ever offered him support or a soft place to land, why the hell would he want ghost's help when he's perfectly fine on his own? (when he’s always had to be?)
"you think i can't make my own decisions? well fuck you, ghost, who needs a washed up piece o’ shite like you!"
he doesn’t talk to ghost for days, doesn’t let himself acknowledge the hole he’s left behind until he's getting pissed with the shadows one night in an abandoned house and graves starts waving around the gun he snuck through customs and it accidentally goes off, grazing soap's temple
he's never heard anything so loud, even at all the shows he’s attended and there’s so much blood; it's getting in his eyes, running down his neck and soaking into his clothes and he’s frozen. graves and all his shadows bolt after hearing the gunshot, worried about cops finding them and they leave him there; staring at the growing puddle at his feet
soap's panicking; half-blind, blistering pain lighting up his head and he can't think about anything beyond how much he wants ghost
ghost's been sulking at his flat since soap blew him off; pissed at soap for going off on him when he just wants to help but still worried about the punk. he doesn’t want him going down the same road as him; doesn’t want him to repeat his mistakes when he could save himself so much suffering and he almost doesn't answer his phone when it buzzes on the couch
he lets out a ragged sigh as he picks it up; raking a hand over his shaved head when he sees the bubble emoji and contemplates letting it ring out. contemplates answering with a growl; something a younger, crueler version of him would spit. in the end, he decides on silence and puts the phone to his ear just before it can stop ringing
he almost breaks it when he hears soap choke out, "i've been shot."
he's out the door in a heartbeat, running down the stairs because the lift is too slow; trying to get more information out of him but he can't get anything out beyond a repeated, "i've been shot."
he breaks every law there is as he speeds to soap's location; visions of his cold, bloodless corpse staining his mind's eye. the only thing keeping him calm are the strangled breaths from the other end of the line; he's not dead, he can work with not dead, this isn't tommy, soap won't end up like tommy-
ghost screeches to a halt outside a random alley and throws himself from the car when he sees soap collapsed against a garbage bin. he's covered in blood, soaked, just like that night, it's everywhere and he's not moving, he's not moving-
“johnny!”
he skids to his knees and fits his hand under his chin to check his pulse… but his heart beats strong under his fingertips and soap's eyes flutter open; flooded with blood but conscious and alive
the second he registers ghost in front of him, he’s reaching out for him; babbling apologies over and over, "you were right, i'm sorry ghost, i should've listened; i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."
ghost just gently hushes him, cupping his face heedless of the blood. "that doesn't matter now, johnny. we're gonna get you all fixed up, yeah?"
soap’s hands fist in his shirt, clinging to him. "i got shot, ghost," he says again; lost and smaller than he's ever heard from his punk and it's been years since he's felt this kind of rage but he doesn't let a drop of it touch his voice
“i know, lad. i know. gonna let me take a look at it? make it right?"
soap finally nods, his stuttering apologies coming to a halt and ghost runs back to his car to get a towel. he presses it to soap's skin, trying to soak up as much as he can so he can get a proper look; cooing assurances as soap absently hisses in pain the closer he gets to it
it's only a graze and something in his chest unravels; old fears and grief settling as the shallow wound continues to gush into the towel
ghost slumps, pressing his forehead into the top of soap's head and takes a second to just breathe. “‘s’alright, johnny; it’s not even that bad, not even that bad,” he promises, low; spoken more to himself than soap
his hand starts to grow damp and he forces himself to his feet, gathering up soap and getting him into his car. he puts the towel in his hand and presses it against the wound, trying to coax him through his shock to put pressure on it so he can drive
soap curls up in the passenger seat; eyes distant, seeing nothing and ghost has to tighten his grip on the steering wheel so he doesn't turn around
soap is the priority
he has to get him home; has to get him cleaned up and safe
then he can go hunting for the gutless shadow that hurt his punk
#this was just me wanting to give soap his post mw3 head scar ngl#tw implied past suicide#god if soap gets real mean with it. 'you dont give a shite about me! this is just you trying to save your stupid brother!#well guess what ghost?! hes fucking dead and smothering me aint gonna bring him back!’#and its the only thing he couldve said that would make ghost let him walk out the door#ghosts been here before. he knows how impossible it is to help someone that doesnt want to be helped but he cant let soap go#he cant go down that road again. cant let it be just to walk into soaps flat one day and find him in a bloodsoaked bathtub#when soap comes out of his shock he finds ghost slowly and methodically cleaning his leather jacket#hes trying hard to remain calm and clearheaded#trying not to fall back into old habits#but theres a reason hes called ghost#bc the second he stops looking after soap is the second he storms out to find graves and wring his neck#soap pushes back so hard against ghost trying to help him bc in his head being ‘saved’ or ‘better’ means being changed#bc the only help hes ever experienced has been conditional. ‘we will help you if you go to college. if you stop art.#if you change your entire being’#he cant process that ghost wants him the exact way that he is bc no one ever has#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#save post
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chucks this dottore x y/n art like a smoke grenade and runs in the opposite direction like the cop in cloudy with a chance of meatballs
#i want towrite so bad but i dont Want to Write#i binged a dotto fic on ao3 yesterday n went to bed at 4#i need more godammit but i cant bring myself to continue My fic#my brain is. poopoo#sighs loudly I Need Him#i was motivated to write for like a second#but then as soon as that motivation came it Left Me#dottore x y/n#il dottore x y/n#dottore x you#il dottore x you#the more i look at this the more i hate it#drags hands down face#might delete this later lol im self conscious#i look at my inbox and i feel myself deflate im sorry gang#im perfectly able to talk to myself and figure out the lore#of my dottore fic on ao3#but as soon as i sit at my desk its Le Fucking Néant in my head bro#aaarghghghghgjhghnggnngggnnnnn#maybe if he manhandled me like this all my problems would be solved#୧ ‧₊˚cat isn't writing!
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compilation of some of my personal favorite hamlet reviews on letterboxd
#honorable mention to the 'i don't want to see hamlet kiss his mom i want to see him kiss horatio you sick freaks' one#it was on the 1990 m*l g*bson one which i found VERY sauceless and i couldn't bring myself to care about the hamlet horatio#but i do respect the mindset#hamlet#sometimes i feel bad abt how i don't like a majority of the hamlet adaptations ive watched#including Three of the ones ppl swear up and down that they're the best and most definitive versions ever#and then i remind myself that there are other productions out there ive read abt that i KNOW i'd love#(ruth negga/chris eccleston). it's just they were never recorded and i cant see them#(they could have recorded ruth negga seeing as there's a full trailer for her hamlet actually but i dont think it ever got released)
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they hated illario because he was a d1 yapper who was bad at assassinating people and was so annoyingly drunk and grief stricken at his cousin’s wake that viago had to drug him to shut him up (so what if he was also the guy who set his cousin up to die/disappear) . and also for working with the venatori and selling out the antivan crows i guess.
#illario as a guy who regretted his power grab but had no choice but to double down after lucanis came back is interesting to me btw#not entirely canon compliant to how the story is set up but yeah#even illario going WHAT . when he finds out lucanis is alive i am choosing to believe is him panicking because#zara did not in fact get him to die. illario thought he would die there. he did not. (what has he done) (shit. he has to do it himself)#and double on that . caterina didnt trust him enough to tell him#once again reminded he is dellamorte the lesser !#and still he knows hes not even a good crow. he couldnt actually kill lucanis. he cant actually bring himself to kill lucanis!#so ofc he spends the next act trying to manipulate him into leaving and for lucanis to believe its his own doing#and only when all of this fails (too soft to even kill his grandma btw) he has a public brawl w lucanis#that ends so badly for him that he is humilated in front of all the remaining talons#hes literally my babygirl#illario dellamorte#dav spoilers#dav#txt#rook: im sorry abt illario :/#viago: dont be. he had many unredeeming qualities from before he was a traitor
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