#cannot talk to them for days
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nikoisme · 7 months ago
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The constant temptation and promise of everything and nothing in the odyssey. The sirens promise odysseus to know, and the lotus eaters promise him to forget. He could be an immortal, and he could be a beggar. Be known, and be a stranger. He could be alive, and he could be dead. He could be odysseus, and he could be nobody. And the man of many ways tries to be a little bit of everything.
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reignbowarbiter · 2 years ago
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i feel so bad
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chickren · 19 days ago
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hiii, could you elaborate on jaime's relationship with tywin in the books? and how tywin's introduction in the show diverges from that? 🥺👉👈
lol because that scene never happens in the books?
because nothing like it really happens in the books?
lmao, because, the first time we see any real sign of tywin and jaime’s relationship it’s tywin saying ‘tyrion, why do you suck while jaime is a god?’
it’s such a disservice to tyrion and cersei to pretend that jaime doesn’t have tywin’s approval, or perhaps even admiration.
unlike that weird season 1 deer scene, in the books tywin doesn’t blame jaime for being in the kingsguard. that’s aerys’s fault as far as tywin knows. after all, if tywin himself couldn’t prevent it, how could jaime? (sure we know better, but tywin doesn’t.)
and do you think tywin isn’t proud of jaime for killing aerys? do you think tywin wasn’t thinking ‘that’s my boy’ after the sack of king’s landing? that shit was right in tywin’s wheelhouse.
and then there’s the one interaction we see between jaime and tywin. jaime walks in knowing what he’s facing with twyin vs tyrion. that’s because jaime has always had tywin’s number in a way cersei and tyrion never did. why? because jaime has seen what tywin is capable of and he doesn’t like it. jaime quite literally takes tyrion’s kidnapping in agot into his own hands because he doesn’t trust tywin to look out for tyrion. as he’s on his way back to king’s landing in asos he thinks about just what he’s actually worth to his father and how much that calculation has taken a hit now that he’s short a hand.
so when tywin asks jaime to give up the kingsguard, does jaime hang his head and scuff his toe like his show counterpart? lmao. this is the difference in privilege between jaime and his siblings. jaime immediately says: noooo. and means it. not only means it, but from that moment starts plotting against tywin and cersei to save tyrion.
we see this reinforced when cersei begs jaime to save her from tywin’s machinations to marry her off again and he’s like, lol, tell that bitch no. to jaime it’s a very simple, very accomplishable thing if you don’t give a shit about tywin’s disapproval.
because jaime’s been walking away from tywin since he was a kid.
the only moment jaime even wavers in that interaction with his dad is when tywin disowns him. lol and that is not about approval. it’s because all jaime wants in the world is love, and up to this point love was a thing that existed exclusively in the realm of his family.
and lest there be any doubt, i ask you, who breaks first? the last real thing jaime hears from his father is a message sent through kevan. a peace offering, in the form of oathkeeper. here it is, son, the valyrian steel i’ve been trying to reclaim for the fam for years. it’s yours. you’re my boy.
and what does jaime do with tywin’s sword? lmao. i ask you. what does jaime do with tywin’s sword?
see, book!jaime’s story with tywin is not about tywin’s disapproval of jaime. it’s about jaime’s disapproval of tywin. it’s embedded in his chapters. it’s embedded in his character. everything about jaime’s latent lust for honor is a repudiation of twyin’s ethos.
he disapproves of tywin’s use of gregor clegane and amory lorch. he disapproves of tywin’s orders to kill aegon and rhaenys. any lack of understanding of tywin’s nature is destroyed by the tysha incident, which appalls jaime.
he isn’t looking for tywin’s approval. all he ever wanted was tywin’s love.
all of this is reinforced in feast. it’s everywhere in jaime’s vigil for tywin as he tries to do his duty but can’t cough up a single tear and even chucks the appearance of grief out the window when his living breathing son, who he definitely feels late breaking affection for, needs him. it’s when he looks around the realm and goes oh shit, this would have been tywin’s problem but now it’s mine and uses tywin’s reputation to accomplish his goals without actually employing tywin’s monstrous ruthlessness.
but mostly we know the whole show concept that jaime’s just always been trying to earn tywin’s approval is bullshit as far as book!jaime is concerned, because we’ve read jaime’s chapters and we know the truth.
it’s joanna’s disapproval that literally haunts jaime. not tywin’s.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 19 days ago
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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iridescentmirrorsgenshin · 9 months ago
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An analysis of Alhaitham's egoism in relation to Kaveh
(Update: The essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)
Max Stirner's anarchist egoism is speculated to be the basis of Alhaitham's personal egoism, therefore I will be drawing upon Stirner's 'The Unique and Its Property' for this analysis.
Property and power are key principles within this philosophy. The egoist recognises himself as an individual, separate from the general collective of ��humanity”, in which concepts such as freedom and property are governed to and over the people, for then the individual is not considered as such, rather they are a part of “humanity”, rather than a whole individual (Stirner, 170). This thinking is demonstrated within Alhaitham’s Story Quest, where he dismantles Siraj’s Hivemind by targeting individuals that compromised the Hive and reminding them of their own beliefs and preferences – the individual in themselves is a whole, and is not a “part” of a system (Stirner, 170).
In this, the egoist governs himself by what he owns and what he wants to own: “ownness is my whole essence and existence, it is myself. I am free from what I am rid of, owner of what I have in my power, what I control. I am at all times and under every circumstance my own”(Stirner, 106). This relates to the concept of freedom, which, for an egoist exists according to having the power to be free of something, for example, being freed of hunger, thirst, or societal expectations (Stirner, 105). This is reflected within Alhaitham’s description: “He lives free – free from the searching eyes of ordinary people,” but also extends to the power to own.
As power is considered something which the egoist owns, property then becomes something which the egoist exerts power over, and in this, can property be made use of by the egoist – all the while, the property remains an independent vessel (Stirner, 162). This is seen within Alhaitham’s view on his vision, in that it is “no more than a useful tool”, as it can be used to serve his own needs, and that since it in his possession, he has obtained it with his own power, it makes no difference to check on it as he continues to retain that power.
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In this sense then, Alhaitham has constructed his life around this form of egoism, in that anything he wants, he has, such as his job as the Scribe, his house, the interests he pursues, the people he enjoys. In order to maintain this way of life, he will deal with, or be rid of, anything he deems as "harmful".
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With this, the egoist seeks satisfaction in themselves through the satisfaction of another. Ownership, in relation to another person, can become love, which like all things the egoist has power over, is ultimately theirs – as in their love for a person (Stirner, 187), which is given willingly by the egoist, for loving a person is done for the satisfaction that love brings: “But I love them with the awareness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because love is natural to me, it pleases me,” (186).
In loving another comes sacrifice, which the egoist can give into without compromising himself, as he himself sets the “purchase price of [his love]” (187) according to the happiness attributed to the loved one, as in return, the egoist shall also receive happiness (186). To enjoy someone, in an egoist fashion, is to be able to sacrifice all possessions and ownerships without foregoing the sense of an individual, of “ownness”, as the egoist would then lose his objectivity:
“I can deny myself countless things to heighten his pleasure, and I can risk for him what would be dearest to me without him, my life, my welfare, my freedom. Indeed, it forms my pleasure and happiness to feast on his pleasure and happiness. But me, myself I do not sacrifice to him, but rather remain an egoist and—enjoy him. If I sacrifice to him everything I would keep without my love for him, that is very easy… But if I sacrifice others to one passion, I still do not…  sacrifice my particular worth, my ownness. Where this nasty incident occurs, love looks no better than any other passion that I blindly obey.” – The Unique and Its Property, 185
It is relevant to note that just as the egoist receives happiness from a loved one’s pleasure, so does an egoist suffer from a loved one’s despair. Just as the egoist would sacrifice something of their own to provide happiness for a loved one in order to exact their own happiness, so too would an egoist sacrifice something, or act, to eradicate the root problem of a loved one’s misery, as this, in turn, would then resolve their own misery:
“If I see the beloved suffering, I suffer with him, and I find no rest until I’ve tried everything to comfort and cheer him…. It doesn’t follow from this that the same thing causes suffering… his tooth gives him pain, but his pain gives me pain. But because I cannot bear the sorrowful crease on the beloved forehead, therefore, then for my sake, I kiss it away. If I didn’t love this person, he could go right on creasing his forehead, that wouldn’t trouble me; I’m only driving away my troubles. – The Unique and Its Property, 186
The phrasing of “driving away… troubles” is particular to note here, due to similar usages of language used within Alhaitham’s Character Stories, in relation to him acting in accordance with his self-governed rules and serving his own self-interest by: “[acting] on his own will and deals with anything that appears harmful in his eyes”.
Kaveh, however, interprets Alhaitham’s egoism as a detached, pragmatic view of humanity, in which the individual isolates themselves not only as a means of prioritisation, but by elevating oneself over others by refusal to intermingle and to cooperate for the benefit of others. Not only is this a harmful opposition to Kaveh’s view of individuals sharing their knowledge and talent in order to pursue a better society, but due to Kaveh’s experience of Alhaitham’s personal egoism, it is harmful to Kaveh personally. Kaveh refuses to prioritise himself over others because he has seen a negative consequence of egoism, in which he has been “cut to the quick” and it has ended one of the few stable relationships in his life.
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By Kaveh seeing Alhaitham’s comment about his altruism as malicious, Alhaitham has elevated himself over Kaveh, since Alhaitham does not have the same struggles as him, and has trivialised Kaveh’s trauma. To Kaveh, Alhaitham’s prioritisation of the self actively harms others as it desensitises the self to the emotions of others. Therefore, Kaveh opposes the egoism which Alhaitham advocates for, since he interprets it through his own lived experience. Hence, by Alhaitham asserting egoism over Kaveh as a means of Kaveh prioritising himself, it only reinforces Kaveh to strive to consider the feelings of others, as well as to not prioritise his own way of thinking if it undermines someone else’s.
In actuality, Alhaitham’s frustrations with Kaveh lie in his belief that Kaveh’s talents are incongruous with his values, and that if Kaveh were to prioritise himself, he would save himself suffering and enable himself to discover his “true self”, unrestricted by others placing labels onto him.
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This is a personal frustration which Alhaitham would not compromise himself to assert onto a person he was indifferent to, due to his belief of not getting involved with other’s fates. However, he has been observed to ‘subvert’ his own rules to accommodate Kaveh. Through egoism, it can be seen that rather than ‘subverting’ these rules, Alhaitham adheres to them as an egoist, since he sees Kaveh as his mirror, they offer each other a contrasting perspective he believes they need to have a complete, objective vision of the world.
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This is necessary for Alhaitham to consider within his own life, and therefore has extended his house to Kaveh, in order to expand his scope of thinking, and to consider perspectives he otherwise would not entertain. Kaveh’s ideals, his beliefs, and his philosophies explicitly interest Alhaitham, in contradiction with Kaveh believing that Alhaitham is disdainful of his perspectives.
In this way, Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh. He willingly pays for some of Kaveh’s tabs; pays for crates of wine for the two of them; and goes out of his way to pursue interactions with Kaveh. Just as Alhaitham is to Kaveh, Kaveh is an old friend, as unchanged in his beliefs as he was in the past and thus is a constant: “the most unshakable part of one's past is a friend that will never change”’.
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Alhaitham strives to act in accordance to his own egoism and therefore assesses what “appears harmful” to him, in relation to these rules, so as to be rid of them. This can be extended to Kaveh, as Kaveh falls under what ‘belongs’ to Alhaitham, in the sense that ownership equates to Alhaitham’s enjoyment.
Alhaitham wants to have Kaveh in his life due to the alternate perspective which Kaveh offers him, thus expanding his horizons and granting him knowledge he otherwise would not obtain. As well as this, Kaveh is seen to be considered part of Alhaitham’s way of life that he wants to protect. In line with Stirner’s egoism, it follows that as Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh, as in, ‘owns’ the contentment Kaveh elicits, he therefore is affected by Kaveh’s self-inflicted grievances. Therefore, Alhaitham sees Kaveh’s altruism at the expense of his own wellbeing as something “harmful” to be dealt with, as this not only causes Kaveh inward misery, but also detriments Kaveh finding his “true self” (Alhaitham Character Story 3), which the egoist pursues above all else.
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dragon-ashes1485 · 2 months ago
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TROP s2 ep7. A rant.
Firstly, this episode has been such a joy to watch, secondly, my heart rate is concerning.
Galadriel:
I loved the scene where she was in the cage, completely ready to die, because she wants to make things right. The scene with Celebrimbor was fantastic, at any moment I expected it to actually be Sauron, but the gentle way she talks to him and held his face like a child broke my heart. Phenomenal acting on both sides and the music was also amazing. Her kindness towards Arondir broke me. Her advising him against seeking out Adar was pure irony given her hunt against Sauron.
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Galadriel sneaking around in that orc cloak was so stressful, even though we know she lives.
She seems kinder than in previous episodes, perhaps a result of no longer being around the ring? Or maybe she's just realising everything is going wrong. Either way, can't wait to see where her character goes next.
Elrond:
This guy. I loved how at first he looked ready for battle, but that he was also terribly afraid. But something seemed to switch in his character when his horse was killed and his pure anger there really shocked me. Also absolute savage for sending that orc flying.
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I would like to take a moment to admire that he pauses to briefly mourn his horse.
The stunts that he performed are insane in this episode, and I love how Arondir keeps him safe throughout the later part of the battle.
"Durin will come" was such an important part to me, Elrond really looks like a young boy, as if he were sat on the beach during the third kinslaying again. I think the way that was portrayed was breathtaking.
And how he sits, looking up at Adar, completely ready to give in, broke me, he is utterly defeated. He has been abandoned once more (I know there were reasons but that's probably how Elrond feels). He then tries to stab Adar, but it is clear from where he aims for that he doesn't want to kill Adar, he wants to hurt him. His sigh when Adar got the ring kind of made me laugh, he's so done with all this crap.
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I can't wait to see the aftermath of this.
Minor characters:
Camnir: so glad he was not in this episode or I would have cried.
Vorohil: please let this guy live. I will be sad.
Rian: I am sad. But absolute props to her for that savage arrow in her final moments.
Narvi: he just watched his kin be killed by his own king...let Narvi be ok.
Celebrimbor:
Ow. I hurt. Charles Edwards is an absolute gem, no he may not "look right" for Celebrimbor, but his potrayal of Celebrimbors descent was amazing.
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Also, props to the set team for the scene where the forge transforms into its true state.
He tries so hard to fight against Sauron, he literally cuts his own thumb off. His own. Thumb. And when he's caught by the guards, he tries so hard to explain. I was so scared they'd just hand him back to Sauron until Galadriel showed her face.
I feel like I need to mention Mirdania. She was another product of Sauron's deception. Her death was horrifying and...I just can't even. Her naivety to believe "Annatar" about Celebrimbor, a man she greatly admired, was so sad, and then for her to spend her last moments believing that Celebrimbor had killed her? Ouch.
Celebrimbor tried so hard to escape, only to do what a true lord of Eregion would do, return to the only place he could protect it from, and the place he had just escaped. His bravery really shines through, and in the end it is he who comforts Galadriel.
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ps: shot on the left is fantastic.
Sauron:
Still a bitch. But now with Darth Vader powers for some reason. Probably about to destroy Alderaan. I have no more to say.
Adar:
Yea I'm expecting a full orc rebellion next episode. He doesn't care as much as he did about his children which is why they were loyal to him in the first place. Glûg stayed behind when the others went to fight so I think that says a lot. It'll be interesting to see where that goes. I also hate him now because Arondir.
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Durin:
Durin's speech was so middle-earthy I loved it. And then it goes to shit. I love that he got Narvi on side. The scene where he sees Elrond again means so much to me, there has not been enough of these two in this series and I really hope ep8 rectifies that, particularly after what happened (or rather, didn't happen) on the battlefield.
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I love that Durin admires Elrond's new hair, as he should, it is fabulous. ALSO WHERE IS DISA. I swear if Disa dies, then I do too.
Look at this dwarf in his element. Also eff his dad, his dad is a prick.
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He's really starting to come into his own, fighting against the evil. And you can see later how much his father's actions hurt him because not only does it mean he can't aid Eregion, but his father has killed dwarves. His own kind.
Amazon, please be kind to Durin next episode.
Gil-Galad:
Not much to say except from look at this boi in all his regalia. Love it when you see a monarch actually in the fighting, makes you like them. Especially as Gil-Galad has not been the most likeable chap this series.
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Arondir:
Anyone needs me, I will be crying. That's all I have to say.
Overall thoughts on episode:
Battle sequence was 10/10. The effort put into this show amazes me. Fantastic acting from everyone, namely Charles Edwards, Charlie Vickers, Robert Aramayo and Morfydd Clark (ok fine, everyone). Well done to all the stunt horses as well, such good horses. Bear McCreary's soudntrack shone this episode, including so many characters themes. Also the last ballad of Damrod in the credits!
I am both anticipating and dreading next episode. What will happen with Celebrimbor? And what of Khazad-Dum? How will Adar use the ring? And will we need a box of tissues?
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3416 · 1 year ago
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i'm still here........ and convinced he thinks mitch might disappear if he takes his eyes off of him for one second. what a ridiculous series of images, i'm so so......... SO obsessed with them
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dispotatorulzz · 9 months ago
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Queen and Laz plus some little pages !!!
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Lazarus looks kinda bald but there is like nothing I can do about it hes just built like that . ALSO !!! Lazarus is a bigger pony Queen is just an alicorn (big)
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I hope we get to see some of grefgore destroying someone with that sword he was given what happened to it even
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daniclaytcn · 6 months ago
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i've realizing why s7 was so unbearable actually—particularly the back half of it—it's because it wasn't writing for the sake of telling a compelling story. it was writing for the sake of Getting the Characters Somewhere. it was writing purely for the sake of setting up s8. no wonder it butchered entire character arcs. no wonder it ignored two seasons of character development. no wonder it was sloppy, rushed, lazy and cheap. what a fucking nightmare lmao.
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missycolorful · 11 days ago
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you know the craziest part of sc!Philza saying he had no reason to live without sc!Missa? And that he'd go out of his way to sacrifice himself during the event and upon his sacrificial death, he'd say "for you, Missa" as he takes his final breath? It's the fact that he said, "it's what Missa would want."
Except uhhh, no, not even close. Buddy, I know this is just you huffing massive amounts of copium, but in what world did it ever seem like Missa would want you to die, or even die in his name? If anything, he'd want to see you go as far as you could and possibly win because he thinks so highly of you. At most, he might be flustered at Phil's unhealthy and desperate devotion, but I find it hard to believe Missa would see his current state and be happy about it. He'd likely see him act so sacrificial and so broken and without reason to live and go, "uhhh, is everything alright?"
Missa wouldn't want Phil to die for him. He'd want him to live. And maybe somewhere deep down, Philza knows that, but he's not listening to that little voice. All he is aware of is that he's got someone he loves waiting for him on the other side.
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kirby-the-gorb · 8 months ago
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paanzermensch · 3 months ago
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Reupload
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augustatheghost · 6 months ago
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youtube
"chris and i were very careful and very judicious in the way we interacted physically" yeah yeah yeah
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bumblydumbly · 14 days ago
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Already said this but since everybody is too busy on the failmance happening im gonna say it again: Vi starting their confrontation by saying “never thought [my sister] would orphan kids” only to be stopped from killing jinx. By an orphan kid.
#its about how jinx specifically calls vi her sister. thats WHY she has to kill her she wont balk from that#but vi disowns her as a sister (crazy bc she was her only blood family but thats nbd in zaun) bc thats the only way she can kill jinx#vi just GASSED zaun and is a COP now jinx should be disowning her#it wouldve been SO good if jinx flipped the s1 finale situation#and started asking what vander or mylo or claggor would think while wearing his stolen goggles#if vi wasnt so hot yall would actually call out her bad decisions or red flags but go off ig#bc this scene is also after she watched jayve KILL a kid. not even orphan one! and she was LITERALLY like ‘so? kids be dying.’#anyway the fact that isha is also aware of cait trying to shoot jinx so she hugs her. puts her head in the mf WAY on purpose#and vi has to have the same moment as jayce. ‘what have we done’ you became the very thing you swore to hate sweetheart :))#to have a child from zaun. your home btw. look at you in an enforcer uniform and shes full of fear and rightous fury.#its that day on the bridge again. vi had that same look in her eyes when vander carried her away. when did her lines and her values become#so easy to sway. well bc she loves someone of course. but she betrays you too. i can only laugh#its stupid bc s1 jinx is literally only doing what vi grew up wanting to do for vander. like actually.#bc its the same that they cannot steal from topside so it wouldve meant stealing and fighting and eventually killing people in oposition#like your sister was building nail bombs at 9 years old. you encouraged her. ‘theyll work eventually’ and then she kills and vis like 😰😰🤢🤢#bc she only sees silco. ugh kill me#can somebody talk about THEM please yknow one of the main focuses of the show#arcane#netflix arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers
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avnasace · 7 months ago
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hsr 2.2 spoilers (ish)
...
if we dont get a scene in 2.3 where aventurine thanks ratio for the note that pretty much solidified his attempt to keep living, i will be inconsolable.
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ganondoodle · 3 months ago
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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