#cannot believe it!s been a decade
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see you soon, my friend
-> waiting for DAVeilguard
#solas#dai#dragon age#waiting for dav#mods#my edits#dragon age inquisition#cannot believe it!s been a decade
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guys...... i did the math.....
Eau De VIXX came out April 17th, 2018.... right before my 14th birthday😭
And now Continuum drops on November 21st, 2023... less than half a year before my 20th.... 💔
#the last vixx comeback i lived through was at the end of middle school and this one is almost 2 years post graduating high school😭#i cannot fathom that#ALSO WHY WAS I LISTEBIBG TO VIXX AT 13😭💔💔💔#who let me do that#chained up was (is) my fav album too💔#i seriously cannot believe its been over half a decade since the last comeback i am crying and shittibg my pants over here#i missed them so much#theyll forever be ot6 in my heart s#gaslighting myself into believibg this is a sub-unit comeback
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I don’t like making my own posts, but after waking up to the news that there was a pogrom in the Netherlands, I would just like to say this:
I am a North African Jew. Many would call me an “Arab Jew”, because I look like an Arab and I am treated like an Arab here in North America unless I’m wearing a kippah. My family was terrorized, murdered, and exiled from Libya in the 1960’s and we cannot return because they would kill us
White people may feel uncomfortable saying this, but I do not. Arab society has a problem with antisemitism that must be seen. Middle Eastern Jews have been talking about our experiences with Arab antisemitism for many decades and are constantly silenced. There is an undeniable, vitriolic, hatred of Jews that has been normalized in Arab society, and Arab extremists are now being emboldened to act on that hatred, not just in Arab countries but anywhere in the world
I don’t believe that Arabs are violent or dangerous by nature. They don’t hate Jews by default because they are Arab. This is not about individual Arab people, and individual Arab people should not be punished for problems in Arab countries or the antisemitic actions of other Arabs. This is about the antisemitism that is deeply ingrained in Arab society and culture
Individuals have the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to participate in this hatred. Yes, when you have grown up your whole life being told that Jews are your enemy and that it is good to fight them, it is much harder to make the choice to not act on this because it is all you know, but there are many who still choose peace with Jews. I have many Arab Muslim friends who have no problem being friends with a Jew. My family have many stories about Arab Muslim families trying to save Jews. I have had also many experiences with threats and intimidation and even assault by Arab Muslims because I was wearing a kippah or Magen David
My Arab friends who come to Shabbat dinner at my house and the Arab men who pushed me onto the ground and spat on me and called me a yahood are all equally Arab. The Arabs who call for peace and the Arabs who hunted down Jews in Amsterdam yesterday are all equally Arab. The difference is because my friends and the people calling for peace see Jews as human beings like them, whereas the people committing violence have allowed them to be swayed by Arab nationalist antisemitism
I always hold my tongue when I talk to white people about my experiences with Arab antisemitism or post about them because I know that many people will insist that you can’t criticize Arab extremists without being racist. YOU can’t criticize Arab extremists without being racist because you are a racist white person. I am a North African Jew with firsthand and familial experience with Arab antisemitism both in Libya and in the other places we have lived. I am tired of holding the burden of other people’s racism so I’m posting this without caring if it makes them mad. I’m not going to be responding to hateful responses. I will just block you, so don’t bother
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[source (Senior Reporter at Kotaku), linked Kotaku article, two, 'FC 24's performance link', three, four, @/N7SeveranceDay (source of the last two images, "Account supporting BioWare employees laid off in 2023."), five, six, Polygon tweet, Polygon article]
"BioWare Continues to Refuse to Pay Severance" statement transcript:
“BioWare Continues to Refuse to Pay Severance On August 23 of this year, BioWare eliminated “approximately 50 roles at BioWare”. Following the layoffs, seven ex-BioWare employees engaged the services of R. Alex Kennedy to represent their interests, stating that the amount of severance offered was insufficient under Alberta common law. Counsel for the employees has attempted to reach a compromise that would avoid requiring lengthy court proceedings, but BioWare’s lawyers refused any offers to negotiate and settle out of court. The basis of Kennedy’s claim is that according to Alberta precedents and under Canadian law, these employees should be receiving approximately 1.7 months of severance per year of service they gave to BioWare. BioWare has now filed a Statement of Defence, which argues that the seven terminated employees are only entitled to two weeks of severance per year spent in service to BioWare, because of a contract provision that Kennedy says is not enforceable. The filing means BioWare will be taking these former employees to court rather than working towards finding an out of court resolution. The developers involved in the suit have expressed their disappointment: - “We are disappointed that BioWare prefers stalling and intimidation tactics to fair dealing with people who have given years, and in some cases decades, of dedication and hard work to the company.” - “We believe they are using intimidation and stalling tactics to try and get us to drop out. A lot of the more junior employees and those with families, who had more monetary pressure on them, could not risk waiting on a court case that may take many months more to resolve, and have already had to drop out.” - “At the time of the layoffs, BioWare offered us professional assistance in finding new employment, and an additional payment, but ONLY on the condition that we signed an agreement saying we cannot talk about any details of the settlement, and that we would completely waive any right to legal action or even to complain in any way about anyone associated with BioWare now or ever in the future. Tactics like that sure make me think that BioWare knows it is in the wrong.” - “Despite what they publicly announced when they laid us off, this process has been anything but empathetic, respectful, and communicative.” The latest BioWare layoffs were the third round so far this year, and many of the developers affected even in earlier rounds are still searching for work, though some have started to find new positions. Regardless of employment status, the members of the current lawsuit state they remain determined to pursue BioWare in court, regardless of their employment status: - “We strongly believe that if Dragon Age: Dreadwolf does not do as well as BioWare or EA wants at launch, there will be more, even larger layoffs. Therefore, regardless of our own well-being, we believe it is important to hold BioWare responsible and get a clear decision on what settlement amount is legal. We’re no longer part of the development team, so the best way we can help our former teammates now is to hold BioWare accountable and ensure that the next group who is laid off are not treated as poorly as we were.” November 7th marks “N7 Day”, which is a fan celebration of BioWare’s Mass Effect games featuring Commander Shepard and the crew of the Normandy. The developers involved in the lawsuit are hoping N7 Day this year will be a reminder to BioWare of the importance of loyalty to your crew, and hope fans can have a little fun and help express their support with memes and images using an #N7SeveranceDay hashtag. The ex-employees involved in the suit are all based in Canada and have an average of 14 years at BioWare.”
[source]
You can express your support using the hashtag #N7SeveranceDay.
Edit: [Part 2/update] [more on the Keywords topic]
#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#mass effect#video games#long post#longpost#next mass effect#signal boost#N7SeveranceDay#worker solidarity#labor rights#pls note that i did not create any of the images in this post#or the N7Severance twitter account. pls see source links
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Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.
A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.
And the first part of that is true!
He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.
He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).
And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.
But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!
This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.
He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.
Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:
He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.
And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.
Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.
Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.
#im sleepy and kinda rambled and idk if i actually said anything new#oh well#bill cipher#the book of bill#tbob#gravity falls#bill goldilocks cipher#wasting away again in the goldilocks zone
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hey guess who’s absolutely losing it over the stan twins again (spoiler alert its me)
so i was innocently scrolling tiktok when i was introduced to this DIABOLICAL au idea: firstly, what if ford really had shot stan with his crossbow when stan first showed up at the shack? and secondly, what if ford tried to bring him back to life frankenstein-style? (full credit to tiktok user @44boora for this idea, go check their account for some gut-wrenching art) (also… full post below the cut this got long)
but like i was thinking about this, ford bringing stan back to life specifically, and how dependent the concept is on this specific time in his life. i just feel like any other time and under any other circumstance, ford would have been able to, eventually, accept stan’s death. we see it at the end of weirdmageddon, where ford is ready to accept that the stan they all know and love is gone now that his memory has been erased. he tells mabel as much, and only realizes there’s hope for him when mabel is determined enough to push back against ford’s logic. ford believes very intensely in his own perception of the world. he believes in science. theoretically, he believes death is death, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.
but then, think of ford after he’s been betrayed by bill. this ford is at his absolute lowest. he can’t trust his own perception of the world anymore. he’s seen the truth of what their relationship was and the horrors he was so close to unleashing on their universe. he is desperate to right his wrongs. he’s losing sleep, his body is abused every time he closes his eyes, and the end of the world as he knows it is iminent if he doesn’t succeed in making the portal as secure and unusable as possible without dismantling it entirely. the only person he believes he can trust after everything that’s happened is stan. so he contacts him for help, and in his time waiting for him to arrive, cannot stop thinking of the worst-case scenario: that bill could still be coming for him. so when he opens the door to stan, his high-strung, paranoid brain doesn’t see stan, and he shoots.
he shoots his own brother with a crossbow and kills him.
ford is not usually one to blatantly ignore a scientific fact. again, death is death, and there’s nothing he can do about that. and yet, in a state of such intense grief, when his entire world is already close to crumbling around him and he’s holding his dead brother in his arms, there’s nothing else he can feasibly do but deny. so he does.
he lives in denial of a lot of things. that stan’s death is final, obviously, but also his reasonings for attempting to do the impossible and revive him. ford likes to believe he operates purely on logic, so he tells himself he’s doing this because he has to. without stan, he can’t prevent bill from entering their universe. he’s still the only person ford can trust, so reviving him is another step in his ultimate goal of stopping bill and saving the world. it doesn’t matter that its never been done before, ford will do it anyway. and he believes that he can, because as much as he thinks he’s moved on from his hubris, he’s still acting off the assumption that he’s special. he’s so far ahead of everybody else, so naturally, if anybody could accomplish the impossible and bring stan back from the dead, its ford.
and so he denies that the real reason he’s trying to save stan is not a logical one. he denies that he’s running entirely on emotions. it would be foolish to try something so risky and impossible and time-consuming if he were only doing it because of his crushing guilt and decade-long yearning, so he tells himself there’s so much more to it than that. he can’t just be doing this because he loves him, right? he’s not that shallow. he’s not that desperate.
and yet, he is. because as much as ford wants to deny it, he can’t live without stan. he can’t live with the knowledge that he was responsible for stan’s death. if he didn’t succeed, his grief would surely kill him.
#this concept is consuming my every waking thought#there’s just something so… cathartic? about their roles being reversed and ford saving stan#i feel like so many people downplay just how much ford loves him#the amount of times ford mentioned stan in his journal? UGH.#and that’s just journal 3!!! and only the things he wrote down!!#imagine how often he must have thought of him… he holds stan and his childhood so dear its devastating#there’s no question in my mind that ford would pull a victor fucking frankenstein just to see his brother again#i’m so devastated about this#ripping my hair out#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#stanford#stanley pines#stan pines#ford and stan#stangst#stanford pines analysis#analysis#gravity falls au#frankenstein au
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Also kind of related to the last alicent ask-- how objectively funny is it that the targaryens pulled alicent kicking and screaming into their weird blood purity incest tangle. For them, having uncle fathers and brother husbands and just generally blurring all the lines between family and romantic interest is sooooo normal. Yes its done massive damage to their psyches as we've seen with daemon in particular- but its passé to them at this point. For Alicent its breaking her BRAIN.
Like, Alicent who's deeply religious in a very westerosi faith and has classic nuclear family adjacent issues in contrast- overbearingly strict father, dead pedestalized mother to emulate, estranged sibling- is just SHOVED into the targaryen familial polycule and told to figure it out.
She keeps trying to bind herself to westerosi gender roles for comfort and safety, but bc of the targs she's now married an father/uncle figure, the girl who was supposed to be her sister growing up is now her daughter AND shes in love with her, her children are basically her siblings, and ALSO she's two of their mother in law(s?). Throw in the desperate parentification of aemond bc its not like viserys is helping her raise these kids-and its fucking her up!!! how is she supposed to have any sense of self when every role she would define herself by in a patriarchal westerosi culture has been fractured into twisted branches!!
It spiders into her other rationships too!! Her father otto has been treating her like both a daughter AND a pseudo wife, criston her lover keeps trying to assert himself over her choices in a very fatherly condescending way, and her brother gwayne is out in oldtown fathering her third son.
I sent an ask a while ago about how the tragedy of the alicent/rhaenyra/aegon triangle is that its an allegory for how targs just cant acclimate to westeros at all and end up breaking their dynasty AND the country by trying to force their culture to fit anyways, and i think you were so right in ur response that its not just rhaenyra/aegon/alicent who are the allegory but its ALL the targs in relation to alicent thats the allegory- they just cannot work with Alicent/westeros while she/its trapped in the current westerosi culture.
its hilarious bc it really is like having ONE catholic nun in an insane echo chamber hedonism cult and then being like 'why are you going insane bc of the incest and sex we're so over it it hasn't effected us whatsoever maybe if you try the kool aid you'll chill out' while she's desperately pretending none of this is happening and she's Not Involved.
this is a great point, and if you also go back to her as a child saying "you targaryens do have very queer customs" with noticeable disgust on face, and flash forward a decade later where she's marrying two of her children together in typical targaryen incest practices. I wish they had explored this more in the show and looked into how she feels about this currently, but I can't imagine she feels too great about it, and it's probably the reason why she went ULTRA religious with a five pound star medallion almost hanging from her neck. she wants at least some repentance for playing along in targaryen incest rituals, which goes against everything she was raised to believe
and like you mentioned, if you look close enough, almost EVERY relationship that alicent has is majorly twisted by either targaryen customs or her own stunted growth from being a child bride. she's now a grown woman who still has the mind of a 15 year old and is trying to navigate a civil war that she helped ignite in her rage and jealousy over her own private hell for last decade. she also swings from a protective parent role to having an almost eldest sibling like relationship with her kids who desperately crave more motherly affection from her that she is just not able to give (because she cant completely seal off her deep down resentment of them)
and to top it off, the purest relationship in her life (rhaenyra) with genuine love was also twisted into a familial one through an arranged marriage. if you also headcanon her possible romantic feelings for rhaenyra, you can times three that trauma on your score card as well
alicent literally was forced into the targaryen world of the snake eating its own tail (reduced to a bargaining chip for otto) with decades of inbreeding and family infighting for power and control and was told to play nice with them. no wonder she's out in the woods wandering around and dissociating lmao
#answered#anonymous#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#I also mentioned before that i imagine that alicent also had really bad postpartum depression by the time daeron came around#that when he was moved out of kings landing she was almost relieved to not have to take care of Another One#and still feels tremendous guilt over that feeling because I bet she also rarely wrote to him too
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Could I request the Lin Kuei trio and Syzoth with a male reader that just has the prettiest puppy-dog eyes ever?
Like, he doesn't even have to try to beg for anything because he simply has to look up at someone with slightly pleading expression and then before anyone knows anything they're just giving into him because his eyes are so hghnwejh
✭ pairing(s): bi-han [sub zero], kuai liang [scorpion], tomas vrbada [smoke], syzoth [reptile], kenshi takahashi (seperate) x m!reader
✧ a/n: if i could get anything i wanted just by staring at someone i think i would be rich (would have more miku figures)
🗒 cw: male reader (but i barely use gendered terms), just fluff :), bonus character, proofread
✎ wc: 1.7k
ʜᴇ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴀʏ ɴᴏ…
⎯ Bi-Han
Bi-Han is prone to spoiling you, it’s no secret. Even amongst the Lin Kuei, they know that you, specifically, are his weak spot. He might be the strictest man in the world to their eyes, but he’s putty in your hands. Usually.
You and Bi-Han haven’t had a date in a while, he was busy with the Lin Kuei, and you could tell he was starting to get more and more stressed out. So you’ve essentially dragged him on a date, a nice little bakery in town that serves decadent desserts.
He insists on some place else, just a walk will do. But you beg and beg, and plead, it has some of the best chocolate cake, you know he’s a big sweets person deep down. And he pushes back. Not because he doesn’t want to go with you, but because he’s just too stubborn.
So, you have no choice but to use your trump card. He can see the gears turning in your head and he does his best to fight against it, but it’s too late. You give him a look with big ol’ eyes, almost quivering your lip. You watch his resolve crack, and shatter. Victory in hand, you drag Bi-Han to the bakery. And as much as he tries to be dismissive about it, you can tell he actually appreciates it.
He may act all tough, seem unphased, but you have him wrapped around your finger. He always tries to play it off, the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei cannot show any weakness. And god forbid he enjoys ‘cute’ things… but you are the exception. You don’t even need to plead, or beg, because he’s at your beck and call. The puppy eyes are just the cherry on top, he can never, and will never say no to them.
⎯ Kuai Liang
Kuai Liang likes to think he’s impenetrable. He believes he won’t fall for your puppy eyes time and time again, which is always a lie. Case in point: you were trying to get him to spend more time with you. Why? You were just feeling clingy.
And of course he tries to push back. It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you, it’s the fact that building the Shirai Ryu takes a lot of time and effort. Although, he does seem to agree that he has been neglecting time with you. So, he’s convinced eventually.
It’s not the date that forces you to use your secret weapon, rather, where you are at. After much planning and scrambling to find a time that fits his schedule, you two are off to see a film. It isn’t necessarily his favorite choice, and it feels a bit cheesy to him, but he can look past it. What matters to him is the time with you.
After the movie, you find a photobooth. It may be silly and a bit childish, but when was the last time you had a physical picture with Kuai Liang? Never! So of course you bug him to get in it with you. He pushes back, he believes there’s no reason for it. It’s not like he has a scrapbook. But you don’t need a scrapbook for a little photo strip of you and him! After a bit of back and forth, you’re starting to feel like you’re losing.
No warning, no escape. You tug on his arm to pull him on, giving him a pleading look he just can’t say no to. Begrudgingly, he joins you in the booth. The photos come out cute… in a way. Kuai Liang doesn’t exactly look too thrilled in any of the pictures, but he clearly plays along with whatever pose you chose. If you try to make a heart with your hand, he’ll complete it, if you kiss him, he’ll lean into it. He tries not to come off as too annoyed, because secretly, he kind of likes this childish kind of stuff. It isn’t something he got to do a lot when he was younger, as the Grandmaster’s son, he didn’t get much free time. Training and the like.
⎯ Tomas Vrbada
Now, Tomas could never say no to you. He’s not weak-willed, but when it comes to you, you always get through to him. Anything you want? It’s yours. Ignore the fly that flies out of his wallet. You wanna spend time with him? Of course! Let him just clear his schedule real quick.
However, you two don’t get to enjoy a lot of city dates that much. Normally, you two just settle at Madame Bo’s, which is always a nice time. But both of you are starting to get restless. You plan a night out on the town, a nice little dinner, and ending at an arcade.
The date goes wonderfully, it’s a peaceful night, and both of you are able to unwind. Given the stress of building the Shirai Ryu and training new recruits, it’s clear that Tomas needed a night out. Or a week out. A month, even. But that was an issue for another day. What mattered the most now was the arcade!
You spend hours there, jumping from machine to machine, scrounging for tickets. You have your sights set on a massive bear plush. Why? You can’t help but think it looks like Tomas… and you’ll be damned if you’d pass up on that. You’re determined, beyond so, but you’re about…. 4,000 tickets short. And it’s late. You start to give up on your goal.
So, you turn to your boyfriend with a defeated look, and he doesn’t even give you two seconds before he’s working overtime. Truthfully, he doesn’t see the resemblance, but if you’re so hellbent on it… he is too! And he can’t stand to see his pretty boy so dejected. You will walk out of this arcade with that bear in his arms, he makes sure of it. In record time, he manages to scrounge up the 4,000 tickets, and an extra 500 for some probably stale candy, as well. Needless to say, you walk outside of the arcade and end the night with the bear in your hands, your boyfriend following behind happily.
⎯ Syzoth
With Syzoth, it is a war of the gods. You have to use your power sparingly, and you have to be prepared to get it back tenfold. But you're resilient, so you can take it. You’re sure of it. And he has a massive soft spot for you, of course he does. So no matter how long you two stare into each other's eyes, no matter how big and sparkly you try to make your eyes look, he always gives in.
Right now, you are certain you can get through to him without weaponizing your eyes. You’ve just found a stray kitten, it’s all scraggly and wet and probably abandoned and most definitely infested with fleas. And you can’t help but want to keep it. You can and will take care of it, you swear!
Even the kitten is pleading its case, mewing and staring at Syzoth with big, brown eyes that just scream ‘take me home’. And he tries to turn away and close his eyes. He’s stubborn, for sure. And if this cute little kitten can’t get through to him… maybe you can?
And so, you huff, waiting for him to turn back towards you. You can look at him like this all day if you need to, this kitten is in clear need of a home and you weren’t just going to leave it behind. You pout slightly, your eyes water a bit, and finally, he turns around.
Of course, Syzoth doesn’t allow you an easy win. He gives you the same energy back, sighs and says it will cost a lot of money. You don’t give up, and clearly this kitten hasn’t either. The air is tense, you and your boyfriend stare into eachothers eyes for what feels like an eternity, the kitten mewls and does its best to join in. Ultimately, you win. It’s two against one, and Syzoth just can’t say no.
⎯ [Bonus!] Kenshi Takahashi
Kenshi has been a busy man these days, caught up with the OIA, still dealing with the remnants of his past, it’s hard for him to keep up. He works long hours at the office, sometimes coming home well into the night when you are asleep. Of course he feels guilty for this, and he does his best to get time off, but not everything works in his favor.
Considering his lack of eyesight, he says he’s immune to you. Which is only partially true. He picks up on that little breath you take when you pout, the way you shuffle to look up at him, so he knows your routine. But you know his, too. You’ve picked up on the fact that he’s incredibly susceptible to you with Sento around, given the fact that he can actually see you.
You wait all night for him to come home, you’re beyond tired. It’s hard to keep your head up, or your eyes open, but you sit in the living room, anxious and waiting. Kenshi’s first move when he gets home is to always put Sento away, which involves him grabbing it, which means he can see you. For even a split second. So when the door opens, you’re on him.
He asks why you’re up so late, hand slowly reaching back into the case that is slung over his shoulder to grab Sento. The moment his fingers back contact with the sheathe, you look up at him and pout and plead, hands clasped together, begging him to spend more time with you. The instant he sees your face, he lets go of Sento, shaking his head slightly.
He tells you that he does his best, and he swears he will spend more time with you, but he cannot give you a day or time set in stone. He can’t take another second of your face, because it makes his heart hurt and it makes him feel guilty… which he was already feeling beforehand. However, Kenshi surprises you the next week with two days off, a nice day out with a fancy dinner, and a day in where you’re cuddled up against him while he plays with your hair.
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clarence and his counterparts: man or monster?
So we were talking about Clarence’s new android SSR (Faint Night Light) in the LBC discord server, and it got me thinking about the monster allusions that seem to be a common thread across Clarence’s main stories. Then we discussed the diary entries from his White Day event, and it occurred to me that this monster imagery also ties into his modern-day counterpart – and with that, this post was born.
In other words: is Clarence a man, a monster, or somewhere in between?
[ SPOILERS: Clarence’s main stories and Chrono Theatre diaries. This meta analysis is structured as story-specific sections, namely Godheim, Eden, and the modern world, so you can skip over the world(s) you haven't read yet. No Awakening spoilers, don't worry! ]
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Godheim: Archmage Clarence
First, let’s talk about Godheim Clarence. As the Archmage, he bears a heavy responsibility upon his shoulders – to oversee the Magi Tower, to fight the Glacial Butterflies, and, ultimately, to protect the country and its people.
In order to fulfil this duty that he has chosen to undertake, Clarence seals his heart and shuts others out. He denies his emotions, and resents himself for having these emotions, to the point that he disparages MC for “[acting] impetuously” and belittles her capabilities when she shows concern for Amelia’s wellbeing. Archmage Clarence’s impassivity is his shield against the emotions he views as a hindrance.
Yet he was not always this way. Clarence is a casualty of cruel circumstances, a tender soul torn apart by trauma. When MC is confronted with the truth of the mages’ magic, having witnessed a mage die before her very eyes, she notes that “[there] is no pain or compassion on Clarence’s face,” because “[this] is a sight he has seen all too many times before.” Decades of watching his fellow mages succumb to the Glacial Butterflies that nest inside them, and decades of having to end the lives of mutating mages under his purview, have conditioned Clarence into numbing his heart to such pain. How else could he have stayed sane, after a century of bearing witness to suffering wrought by his own hands?
Archmage Clarence’s disposition is initially described by MC as an “[icy] presence,” but this is the facade that he projects as a defence mechanism, not his genuine self. Clarence is so accustomed to the chill of the Glacial Butterflies within him that he has taken on the frost as a personality trait, believing that his frigidity defines him. He does not view himself as a human capable of warmth; instead, he thinks of himself as a mutant, as an icy monster.
Even so, Clarence cannot deny his innate inclination towards kindness. When he notices that Amelia isn’t feeling well, he tells her to sit in the carriage. When Amelia’s temperature drops, he casts a spell to warm the shivering child up, even as he grumbles that he’s wasting his time and magic. When Amelia’s death is imminent, he tries to send her off in the gentlest way possible, then grants her final wish by conjuring a connection to the water mirror. Clarence may insist that he does not care, but his actions reflect his compassion.
It is this very kindness that steers him towards a path of selfless sacrifice, for the sake of his country and its people. The life of a mage may have been forced upon him, by the man that gave a gravely injured child no other option but the potion that would transform him, yet Clarence learns to harness his power for good. He spends his youth eliminating Glacial Butterflies and protecting the village of the snow plains, and despite the harsh conditions of the path he now treads, he does not hold a grudge against the family that sold him off and thrived in the resulting profit. Instead, he returns to check on them from afar, and when an onslaught of Glacial Butterflies attack, he protects them with every last bit of energy within him.
Still, his family’s betrayal left an indelible mark on his psyche. Back when he’d been given the potion, he’d resolved to succumb to his injuries rather than drink it. Despite his instinctive desire to live, MC notes that his “will to live [had been] virtually non-existent,” because there is “[no] despair greater than being betrayed by your own family.” The young Clarence had not seen a reason to live, when his family had forsaken him. It is only when MC saves him, urging him to live on, that he resolves to survive and repay this debt. Each time MC encounters him in her voyage through time, he is on the verge of death, and each time, his dwindling will to live stems from his despair over those he could not save. What ultimately keeps him alive is the vow he swore to his saviour.
This characterisation is one that carries through his immortal lifespan. Clarence does not live for himself; he lives for others. Whether that means risking his life to defend a village, or sacrificing himself in a ritual to save the country’s inhabitants, the underlying premise is the same – Clarence lives for the person who saved him, and for the promise he made to them. He allows others to form negative opinions of him based on the assumptions they’ve made, in order to keep the secret of the ritual and the Glacial Butterflies from them, because their scorn towards him matters less than their safety. He closes himself off from others, never permitting them to reach out to him, because he cannot allow companionship and compassion to distract him from his purpose. He “[cannot] afford to be sentimental,” because he cannot have anyone or anything clouding his judgement. Better to be the enemy of the state that saves it, than the friend of the state that cannot do anything as it crumbles.
It is ironic, then, that Clarence’s devotion to his promise leads him from striving to live and fulfil it, to voluntarily dying for that same promise. His life, his existence itself, is secondary to the promise he has made. He will live to protect the world for his saviour, but if the only way to protect it is to die, then die he shall. Perhaps he views it as a penance of sorts, an atonement for the sins he’s committed. Perhaps he believes the new world would be better off without a monster like him.
For all his calculative callousness and stoic solitude, Clarence is deeply self-aware. Not only is he conscious of the suffering he inflicts and the ramifications of his actions, but he also ruminates upon his sins until they turn to guilt in his gut and self-loathing in the deepest recesses of his soul. He does not turn a blind eye to the pain he witnesses; instead, he looks it straight in the eye, internalises it, and forces himself to feel nothing at all.
Clarence may appear to have no qualms about exploiting people and reducing them to cogs in a plan greater than its constituent parts, but his interactions with Amelia prove otherwise. Right before he sends her off on what is meant to be a suicide mission, his carefully-crafted defenses slip, and he asks whether she hates him. Clarence believes that he has failed to live up to the Archmage’s title, that he has fallen short of being a “guiding force for all the mages” and a “protector.” He condemns himself for his callous strategies and merciless manipulation, since he has been treating people like chess pieces and “using them as [he sees] fit.” He disparages himself for “[standing] by on the sidelines, safe and sound.” He believes others hate him because he’s given them all the reasons to, because he deserves to be hated, because he, too, hates himself. All this while, he fails to recognise that he has taken on the greatest sacrifice of all – the burden of leadership, of decision-making, of being responsible for all the blood on his hands.
This downplaying of his own suffering, alongside his disregard of his own well-being, is what drives Clarence to self-sacrifice time and time again. When a theory about the Glacial Butterflies begins to take shape in his mind, he does not test it out on one of his mages, because he does not view them as expendable despite what he claims. Instead, he uses himself for his experiment, slicing his chest open and bearing the agonising pain in order to ascertain the truth of the magic within him.
On the verge of being overcome by the Glacial Butterflies, despite having prepared for this eventuality by shackling his limbs, he makes one last selfless request. “My Lord, you must kill me before I turn,” he entreats, willing to relinquish his own life for the safety of others. Even when Philip protects him from the Glacial Butterflies, refusing to kill him, Clarence believes that there is no place for him in the future that his Lord envisions.
Decades later, he still echoes this same sentiment. “There is no future without sacrifice,” he tells Lars, and he does not see himself as part of that future, does not see himself as deserving of that future. Archmage Clarence thinks of himself as a monster, not a man, and a monster is better off dead than alive.
It is a revelation, to him, that Amelia does not hate him. MC does not hate him. Lars, Alkaid, the mages that carry on the legacy of the Magi Tower, none of them hate him. They do not view him as a monster; they view him as a martyr, a protector, a saviour. Someone who did his best, and gave his all. Archmage Clarence leaves behind a legacy through his sacrifice, spurred by the human heart he still harbours deep within.
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Eden: Falcon Clarence
Next, we have the Falcon Clarence of Eden. The lone ranger of the desert, the mercenary that eliminates Sandswimmers with impeccable precision and works with no one else.
“A bait that only knows how to cry is a burden,” his mentor tells him, and Clarence internalises that into his cognitive framework and guiding compass. It is “the first lesson Liore taught [him];” that he must prove his worth in order to live. His scent lures the Sandswimmers to him, and so he must make himself useful by seeking out danger.
Valued only for his utility as bait, Clarence learns that his worth is determined by his fighting skills. With no other way to survive, he becomes a NEOS by fusing Sandswimmer gems into his body. Clarence pays the price of this acquired power through the gradual erosion of his memories, but that is far from the only thing he has lost. His decision to accept the integration of these foreign, beastly objects into his body has changed him irrevocably. He thinks of himself not as a human, but as a mutant being only one step away from becoming a monstrous Lost. Still, he endeavours to “remember [his] humanity,” because he refuses to become a “mere weapon [that knows] nothing but destruction.” Falcon Clarence understands that he is, by definition, a monster, but he refuses to relinquish the last shreds of his humanity.
In his first encounter with MC, he is rational and pragmatic as always, scrutinising her motives and seeing no reason to work together. Years of solitude, with no one else to depend on, have honed Clarence’s reflexes into an “instinct for self-defence.” Yet his reaction to MC’s request reveals that his solitude has been shaped by circumstance, not entirely by choice. When MC explains her reason for seeking out Eden, even though it does not sound particularly convincing, Clarence accepts it as sufficient and agrees to lead the way. Despite the potential risk of allowing a stranger close, he offers MC a ride on his motorcycle. Subsequently, he continues to help her out, defending the children’s shelter and giving her the gems he’d collected, even as he refuses to follow her any further.
Falcon Clarence claims that he works alone, but everything he does is for the sake of protecting others. He fights in the desert to protect the shelters from Sandswimmers, and he fights in Eden to protect Lin and the other NEOS from the Lost. He brings MC to the NEOS Association, so that she can rest for a night and learn essential skills from Lin. He knows that the night is dangerous, so despite his own preference for working alone, he ensures that MC has a community of protection around her.
Even as he dismisses everything and everyone else as burdens, his actions speak otherwise. Despite having met MC for only a single day, he offers his assistance to her time and time again, from rides on his motorcycle to filling water bottles with her. He could easily leave her to fend for herself, but he chooses not to leave her behind even when that would be the easier way out.
Perhaps the reason Clarence refuses to work with other people is that he’s afraid. Afraid of dragging them down, afraid of becoming their burden. He fears that history will repeat itself. He cannot bear to lose someone he cares for again, so he refrains from caring about anyone at all. Each time Clarence chastises others for being a hindrance, he is reproaching his past self for his inadequacy. Each time he risks his life to protect others, he is atoning for his failure to save his mentor.
MC says that she understands how Clarence feels, because “acting alone means nobody will be hurt because of [him].” In a way, acting alone also protects himself from being hurt. It is a defence mechanism born from his past, when he had to “learn to accept [his] losses” from a young age. He couldn’t afford to grieve Liore for long, not with the constant threat of the Sandswimmers, and so he could do nothing else but “live on with what memories [he] had left.” He’d forced himself to harden his heart to his emotions, but he could not suppress them entirely.
Clarence blames his moment of weakness, of emotional folly, for causing Liore’s death. It was her humanity, even in her final moments as a Lost, that held her back from killing him and caused her to die. He regrets his choice to this day, and perhaps it is this survivor’s guilt that pushes him to fight harder until he reaches the brink.
It is this same guilt, alongside his resolve to not lose anyone else he cares for, that drives him towards self-sacrifice. When he realises that MC needs a soul stone – his soul stone – to open the door within Central Control, he unflinchingly raises his gun to his head, as if it were the natural and logical decision to make. He is ready to offer his life without a moment’s hesitation, because that is the utility he can offer in this moment, in order to keep MC safe and help her achieve her goal. She has given him a reason to fight, and he will die trying to fulfil it.
Ultimately, it is his encounter with MC – and the companionship which blooms from it – that saves him. Without demanding anything in return, she cries for his pain, fights by his side, and shoulders his burdens with him. Clarence doubts his humanity, even as he holds fast to it, since he is all too cognisant of the monstrous traits within. In turn, MC’s unwavering trust reaffirms the humanity within him, reminding him that he is worthy of living.
Falcon Clarence may not be fully human on a biological level, and he may still succumb to the effects of the monsters within him from time to time, but he has managed to preserve his heart and his humanity. His tale is one of healing, of opening up, and of learning to value himself for who he is and not what he can do.
- ☽ -
Modern World: Clarence
Finally, let’s circle back to modern-day Clarence. At first glance, he’s the calm, collected, and capable Student Council president, who always seems to have affairs in order and circumstances under control.
Then, in his Chrono Theatre diary entries, we learn that he had a psychiatrist observing him from a young age, due to his gifted aptitude and exceptional intelligence beyond that of his peers. This revelation sparked a discussion in the LBC discord server, which spurred this message of mine that then became the basis for this meta post:
Clarence is well-versed in decorum, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it comes naturally to him. It’s likely that he learned social etiquette by picking it up from observing how other people behave, so he knows the appropriate responses to give and the socially-acceptable ways to carry himself. However, because this social understanding is not an innate trait but a learned one, there are often times when he doesn’t recognise the need for social niceties, and instead his instinctual response – founded on his internal logic – comes through.
One example of this can be found as early as his second interaction with MC, after she paints an artwork of him:
The polite thing to do would be to express interest in or appreciation of the finished product, regardless of one’s actual feelings towards it. However, Clarence “doesn’t show the slightest interest” in MC’s painting. Does this mean that he doesn’t care for it, and doesn’t see the need to put on a pretence? Quite the contrary. Instead, it’s because he thinks he doesn’t have anything useful to offer in response, and thus he stays silent.
Here, we see a disconnect between how Clarence understands the world, and how other people tend to view it. While most people would appreciate receiving praise or validation, Clarence doesn’t particularly see the need to receive either, and thus doesn’t immediately think of giving them to others. Rather, he takes a more pragmatic approach, focusing on utility; a piece of work deserves feedback for the effort poured into it. However, as a law major, he does not have sufficient knowledge or expertise regarding art. As such, he believes that his feedback would not be useful, and thus it is better not to say anything at all.
This ties into how Clarence views himself as his roles, and the functions he can serve. He understands that he has worth, but he evaluates this worth through his services as the Student Council president, or his contributions as a law intern. When he assists others, he doesn’t think of it as going out of his way to help them; instead, he views it as part of his rightful duty.
As a result, Clarence doesn’t view himself as simply “Clarence.” Rather, he thinks of himself as Clarence, the Student Council president; Clarence, an upperclassman; Clarence, a friend. If he can fulfil someone’s needs through a role that he holds, he will do it, even at the expense of himself.
We see this most prominently in Clarence’s “Break Time” R card story:
When the senior who’s supposed to interpret for an academic speaker falls ill and fails to attend, Clarence steps up to fill their shoes last-minute. William notes that Clarence can be counted on to show up whenever and wherever he’s needed, and MC agrees that he’s “the only one who’s up to the task.”
However, what most people don’t recognise are the sheer lengths Clarence will go to in order to fulfil his duties. On top of his regular responsibilities, filling in for the interpreter caused Clarence to “[burn] the midnight oil” preparing for the speech, and taking care of the sick speaker meant that Clarence could not sleep for two days. He doesn’t recognise that he’s constantly going above and beyond, because to him it’s a given, but he is in fact pushing himself past his limits, and past the line that most people would draw.
It’s interesting to examine MC’s thoughts here, because she interprets Clarence’s willingness to take a nap as a rational understanding that he needs to rest in order to keep functioning. However, this only happens after MC coaxes him into taking a break. If she hadn’t intervened, Clarence would have continued pushing himself until he completed his task – he was already at “the brink of collapse,” and he “only agreed to sleep after [MC] practically begged him to.” Clarence prioritises his responsibilities to the point that he does not recognise his own needs, and thus neglects to take care of himself.
Although modern Clarence doesn’t think of himself as different, or as anything less than a person, it’s evident that he views himself as the roles he fulfils rather than simply as who he is. In turn, this mindset is reflected in his behaviour, which then shapes other people’s perceptions of him. This is how Clarence becomes characterised as the aloof and intimidating Student Council president in the students’ eyes, even though he cares so deeply and helps out so much; most people are unable to look deeper and see Clarence as the person that he is, because he perceives and presents himself through the lens of his roles.
As such, other people often view Clarence as different from themselves – as if he’s operating on a different wavelength, or existing on a separate plane entirely. Modern Clarence’s genius sets him apart from his peers, but more than that, his perspective of himself winds up alienating himself from other people. Clarence views himself as like others, but others view him as unlike them. He blends in well enough, but he doesn’t quite fit in; he has a place in society, but he doesn’t quite belong.
- ☽ -
Clarence, across time and space
Out of all the Clarences thus far, modern Clarence is perhaps the most well-adjusted, and this reflects the importance of having a support system. Godheim Clarence and Eden Clarence were isolated from a young age and survived alone throughout most of their lives, whereas modern Clarence had family and friends around him. He may not have had the most conventional childhood, but he grew up with his older sister Jaclyn and his close friend Luca, and he also had his psychiatrist Ford observing and monitoring his development. Subsequently, after he enters St Shelter Academia, he gains a circle of friends he can rely on, such as William, O’Connor, and, of course, MC.
Expanding upon Clarence’s St Shelter Academia bonds, we see that Clarence has people around him who genuinely like him for who he is, and are willing to support him unconditionally. O’Connor affectionately refers to Clarence with a nickname – “Shi-kun” in the Japanese voiceover, or “Little Si Lan” in the Chinese one – and for all his devious teasing, it’s clear he looks out for his Student Council successor. As for William, he may whine about Clarence’s by-the-book discipline, but his clumsiness and complaints do not preclude him from helping out when needed. For all that Clarence often chastises William, he still relies on him to assist with Student Council matters, and he knows William is someone he can trust.
Compared to these two, MC is a relatively newer connection, but her bond with Clarence runs deep. Right off the bat, she’s able to meet him on his level and banter with him, and he lets down his guard enough to subtly tease her for trying to trick him. As their relationship develops, Clarence grows to trust her, sharing his inner thoughts and admitting his vulnerabilities. MC is a safe haven for him, and she understands him on a level deeper than most. While the other students may fear Clarence for his aloof disposition, or hesitate to approach him due to his detached rationality, MC sees the earnest sincerity woven into his actions and the warmth laced through his words. Others may think of him as an unfeeling robot or a terrifying monster, but MC loves him for the human that he is.
There’s a subtle but interesting juxtaposition here, in which Godheim Clarence and Eden Clarence – both possessing monstrous mutations within them – view themselves as monsters while most others do not, whereas modern Clarence – wholly human – views himself as human while most others do not. All three Clarences are keenly aware of what constitutes them, allowing this biological understanding to shape their perception of themselves, but they do not recognise that their actions paint a different picture to others.
Regardless of the world he inhabits, Clarence constantly straddles the line between man and monster. His selfless nature and dutiful diligence often lead him to self-sacrifice and superhuman feats, creating the illusion of a monster – but beneath this facade lies, always, the heart of a human.
- ☽ -
thank you for reading!♡
if you have any thoughts about this post, i'd love to hear them! responses are always welcome, and my ask box is open~
up next: android clarence, and the inevitability of tragedy. where is the line between human and machine? stay tuned for my thoughts on clarence's awakening main story!
#sol's meta analyses#lovebrush chronicles meta#lovebrush chronicles#for all time#lbc#lbc spoilers#clarence clayden#lbc clarence#lovebrush clarence#godheim clarence#eden clarence#modern clarence
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i don’t know what the socially acceptable number of asks a person can send But. i’ve been thinking about wades music taste and what would it be (because in the comics he’s mentioned a looot of songs and artists which are all vastly different) (in fact i made an ongoing playlist of songs/artists mentioned) but what genre do you think he listens to the most? and this is a very self indulgent question but do you think he fucks with my chemical romance?
i do have a playlist for the music that the wade wilson that write specifically listens to - and, regrettably, my chemical romance isn't exactly on theme. (mostly 80's – 90's girl pop icons – madonna, bonnie tyler, dolly, kylie, cher, donna summer, blondie, bananarama – a few curveballs in there - wham! obligatory.)
but i do think every wade wilson has their own music taste going on, and i do think wade wilson is a bit of a pop-culture sponge, in that he'll have a reference at the ready for whatever is relevant - singing is just a thing he tends to do when he's at work. i think he's sort of the guy who cannot stand silence, and so he'll fill it, any way he can.
if he has no one to talk to, then he's singing.
here's a playlist of some of the songs wade wilson's been caught singing in the comics
maybe it's indulgent of me, but i think wade might have the same superpower i have - memorises the lyrics of every damn song in the universe, even if he only hears the song once. his brain is a bit like a radio – he just picks up frequencies, and any random song from any random place that he might not even recognise is conjured up.
i think wade's memory might be a bit of a superpower for him, actually - his real mutant ability - it's why he's so good at picking up skills like martial arts and languages - and probably why he can't help but memorise song lyrics, even if it's useless knowledge to have.
shout out to wade's weird regenerating brain that is always on shuffle. no genre is off limits, no decade, anything goes. musicals, anything.
on the topic of musicals, of the firm belief that wade wilson is a musical theatre kid. i have enough evidence to believe this is not unfounded.
i can't explain why it makes total sense to me that wade is into cats. but yeah. it makes sense to me. makes more sense than anything in the universe. oh, and obviously –
so i don't know, if i were to say there were any particular genre of music that 616 wade fucks with - i might say he's probably big into musicals. he probably listens to the cats soundtrack. i'm sorry if that answer doesn't spark joy, but i am a vehicle of truth.
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character notes on v1's design team mel, cas, and belle......mel was the head and originator of the project, the one who developed blood-absorption plating and largely conceived of v1 as a counter to the earthmover. cas was software lead, who was able to produce a new generation of supreme machine intelligence suited to fighting in the earthmover. belle was the hardware lead, who understood how to make v1 lightweight yet sturdy, and integrated a proper system to actually work with mel's new plating.
mel is an eccentric who has been ill most of his life due to severe lung and skin damage resulting from pollution and fire exposure without proper protection. his poor health has caused him to be consumed with his creative pursuits, v1 being the culmination of a near decade of dedicated work and dreaming...as a result, acutely aware he has little time left to know it, mel cares deeply for his creation and does everything he can to connect with it. he is viewed in many ways as unstable, but cas and belle can see mel's genuine enthusiasm and confidence in what they have made, what was born from so much isolation and late nights pushing his declining body to its limits. his interest lies in the art of what he has made, not so much conceiving the end of the war but instead simply wanting v1 to create an irreplaceable new generation of machines. one that cannot be outdone, immune to obsolescence. however, he dies before the new peace is established, never knowing his child was shelved without ever having a chance to prove itself the way he knew it would. cas and belle are the ones who advocate to save v1, just in case, not wanting to see mel's dream die with him even when it's been rendered obsolete under the one condition mel couldn't have predicted. they oversee v2's creation, hoping it will carry mel's torch, and terribly let down when it goes the same way as the first. too expensive. too unnecessary. it can't be sold.
cas is the most existential of the group, aware of the machines' capacity for sentience and knowing v1 will be much more capable than most given how he programs it. it gives him terrible anxiety and insomnia, haunted by creating something so perfected for war yet that could know itself, could develop an identity in the horror of its reality. he finds little comfort in mel, who wishes more than anything to see v1 become much more than any other machine, to truly achieve that standing of "supreme", while belle thinks little of such things as long as it ends this damn war. it makes cas much stricter about protocol, attempting to prevent what he believes to be the cruelest fate imaginable for v1 - no treating v1 as anything other than a war machine, keep to drills, to training, affirmatives or negatives to its performances. cold grades, nothing else. this, of course, fails terribly - it comes to a head when, during one-on-one training with mel, v1 calls the medics for him when he passes out due his oxygen running low. cas knows how he programmed it, he knows it was never taught to give assistance...it saving mel proves it's already thinking outside of his parameters, and he can't stop it. in addition to preserving mel's legacy, cas insists on v1's storage rather than dismantling it because destroying it now would be too cruel after he made it this way.
belle is largely a utilitarian, though she is often angry and rough in her approach because she's exhausted by war. she works very closely with mel, putting her genius together with his to make anything he needs a reality as she believes this is their last ticket out. the earthmovers are killing everything, killing them - she often feels like she must have lost her mind, the way so many others take this never ending war as a given, as the default for humanity. she puts everything into making v1, her skill enabling it to work at full capacity on just 1% of blood. she develops the feedbacker, perfectly complimenting mel's blood plating and the quick, clever brain cas has programmed. she's lightning fast with her fixes and she places her dreams on v1 in a way similar to mel but without the sentimentality - she needs out, she wants it to be done, and she's willing to do anything to push through her own limits to get there. belle is shocked when the new peace is achieved without any implementation of what they all worked so hard for...and while she can't be upset about her one wish being granted, there is something bittersweet in seeing their prototype now go to waste. she endorses the creation of v2 as a way to see their work at least continue on to maintain the peace, but is aware of how much of a longshot it is. still, she is forever proud of v1 and v2, believing they truly had created the best.
#doomed coworkers....all very different personalities so they clash a lot#but they do come to care for one another in some way#hopefully i can post all of their designs soon#also yea i have lots of ideas about how v1 and v2 think of them#im sorry they took over my whole mind i'll be normal again soon#mel (oc)#cas (oc)#belle (oc)#i got silly with their names too sorry again
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So in my ongoing efforts to say nice things about Supernatural and, as @luckshiptoshore said yesterday, "reclaim this nice, gay show" together, and also probably because I listened to Bruce Springsteen earlier today while I was thinking: why is it that this particular love story has me like it does? Why can't I let this Destiel thing go? I mean... I watched all the recent queer love stories and as much as I enjoyed Good Omens and OFMD, they just don't take up real estate in my soul like Supernatural does -- and that's not a decision I made, it just is. I don't know about you guys, but my little rages choose me.
Anyway, I was thinking -- it's probably not just because of queer representation or whatever, and I don't think it's because I want to see dudes be tender -- I think I ran out of that form of interest in the life of dudes awhile ago, but yeah, Bruce Springsteen. Born to Run. He says "I want to know love is wild, I want to know love is real" and I felt like it pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, somehow.
It's been a long time since I have felt moved by a het romance story. I feel like I can no longer believe it when the roles are so pre-packaged in the tropes and trappings of what was sold to me as idealised love in my younger days. And, like, I am Gen X, so it was pretty gruesome out there when I was learning how to want love -- the power of compulsory heterosexuality was strong, and the shit that was sold to us all as ways to love and be loved were pretty gross, just watch any romantic comedy from the 80's or 90's.
I think I love Supernatural so much because of the way Dean plays the role of a standard issue dude, and postures like he is a stereotypical red-blooded American dude, but it's so transparent that it isn't him. I don't know if it's just Jensen things, or if it was consciously done, but I love how unconvincing Dean's act is, and how clear it is that he is a wounded child whose own real desires and needs have been beaten out of him somehow, and I just love the way the real Dean and what that guy wants slow rises out of him as the story goes on, until he's choking on it, and visibly swallowing it down. For me, the queerest thing about Dean is his pain, his aching loneliness, and his sense of failure at being what he thinks he is -- a violent man who only knows how to kill, and I love Dean's moments of clarity, moments when he speaks from his own soul -- when he tells Cas he's sorry, tells John he has a family, tells Chuck "that's not who I am" are just everything to me.
Both Dean and Cas are victims of conditioning and coersion -- Dean trying to be his Daddy's perfect son, and being manipulated by Chuck, and Cas horribly violated and brainwashed repeatedly for millennia in heaven -- and they love each other in defiance of conditioning, because love is wild, and it's the product of their freedom.
I feel like ALL actual love eschews force and arises out of freedom. All real love is specific and weird, and is co-created in the space between lovers from what is most real in them and in that sense, all real love is queer in some way in that it is not part of the big social project of subjugating what doesn't comply. I feel like a lot of people lead lives of mindless compliance and that a thing that's wonderful about queer people and queer community is that we work against the grain to honor what is truest in us, whatever that is.
I guess I just love that, on Supernatural, the kind of love that saves the day is the kind that grows wild, like a weed you can't kill, out of more than a decade of choosing each other, again and again, and choosing to fight coercion and conditioning. Love that just fucking refuses to comply, and in fact, cannot comply, because non-compliance is it's very nature. There's something so hopeful and beautiful about that to me. I want to believe in it, and I do.
It's also why, after ALL THIS, in the context of that narrative, Dean is incontrovertibly queered, and anything else is just straight up narrative malpractice.
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oh lookie another bite-sized Alt-Right Playbook. back me on Patreon plz.
transcript below the thingy.
Say, for the sake of argument, you’re twelve or thirteen, it’s the mid-90’s, you’re sitting across the table from your conservative aunt at a family reunion. (This aunt will, a decade from now, become a Tea Partier.) You have - you sweet, innocent child - brought up the subject of evolution, being too young to know it’s politicized, and your aunt has not taken well to it. She goes on one of her classic tirades, dismissing the very concept of evolution as patently ridiculous, dropping a quote that will stick with you for ages: “You can’t get snakes from chicken eggs.” And you do your best to explain, with your limited knowledge-base, that, yeah, you can only get a snake from a snake egg, but that snake is going to be a little different from its parents, and the next snake will be a little different from its parents, and you multiply that by a few million generations and you might have something very different from that original snake. Maybe something with legs, or that can breath underwater, or see better in the dark!
And your aunt stares you dead in the windows of your soul and repeats, “You Can’t Get Snakes From Chicken Eggs.”
This is an ego-saving maneuver in which a complex truth is rejected in favor of simplicity. Your aunt has a statement that is true, though non sequitur to the argument at hand. And, after your explanation of how genetics work on long timelines, she repeats her original statement to herself and it still feels true. It’s the belief that the truth is easily recognized, and that it’s always simple, because the world is simple, and, if you can’t explain it to me like I’m five, then you’re probably wrong or making things up.
This heuristic very hard to argue with. You’ve heard that same aunt claim the hole in the ozone layer is caused by sunspots. Now, we’ve talked about the memetic power of statements that are short, quippy, and wrong, and this is a fine example. You might feel the correct response is a statement that is short, quippy, and correct, but here’s the conundrum: the truth is “the hole in the ozone layer is caused by chlorofluorocarbons.” Not only is that a more complex sentence, it’s a more complex idea. If the ozone hole is caused by sunspots, then it’s probably been happening for billions of years, it’s not caused by humans, and we don’t have to do anything about it. It’s reassuring, and tells folks all they care to know without further questions. But the truth of how aerosols deplete ozone is more complex, not least because, even without knowing the science of it, it implies it’s a problem we should do something about.
Ultraviolet light makes CFCs release chlorine into the stratosphere, where it bonds with ozone, converting it into oxygen and chlorine monoxide, neither of which do what ozone does to protect us from the sun. There may be people who can explain that more simply than I just did, but there’s a floor to how simple the truth can be and still be the truth. Falsehoods don’t have that. There is no limit on how simple an idea can be when it doesn’t have to conform to reality.
You play the game of “who’s got the simplest argument,” liars win every time. You can’t get much simpler than “sunspots.” But if you can convince people that the world is complex, then simplistic explanations, across the board, become suspect. It might be too late to do that with your aunt, but maybe there’s still hope for your cousins.
If you’re wondering what they do when confronted with something they cannot deny is complicated: well, that’s your fault. You, or someone like you, took their simple world and overcomplicated it. All the conspiracy theories and fingerpointing and screenshots they’ve squiggled over in MS Paint, all of that is the story of how you overcomplicated the world; it fills in the gap between the simplicity of the world they believe in and the unambiguous complexity of the one in which we live. And, yes, that story is at least as complex as the truth you’re trying to tell them, and, no, it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s a detail. Because the moral of that story is incredibly simple: it is this way because some people made it this way, and all they have to do is take the power back from those people and things can be simple again. This is their version of “a wizard did it.”
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Why I Believe Larry Is Real
It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of my opinion essays. This week I was asked to justify my belief that Larry is real, and that Harry and Louis are together. It feels like it’s time.
::cracks knuckles::
I’ve thought about how to reply to the demand, which came from someone on X (formerly Twitter). I cannot compel someone who isn’t inclined to believe in Larry to suddenly change their mind. If someone doesn’t want to interpret the signs the same way I do, that’s their prerogative. But that said, I decided to give some thought about how to answer the question.
I’ve been inspired by IndiaAlphaWhiskey and her recent reply to a similar question. I loved the way she answered by talking about long term love and how it’s steady and doesn't need to have a lot of fireworks visible from the outside. It’s hard to put that into words that make sense to someone who hasn’t witnessed it. Here’s her original reply:
The reality is we do not have solid proof that they were or - as I believe - still are in a relationship. Nor should we. H&L are closeted celebrities who keep their private life private. They are closeted, so you won’t see them admitting to being in a relationship in interviews; that would defeat the point of being closeted. In fact, you may think you’ve heard them outright deny being together. Again, if you’re not looking at the clues, and you only want to take this at face value, you’re not going to see any other possible narrative. Full stop. If that’s the case, you’re not going to agree with me, and that’s fine.
If you really want to go down a rabbit hole, my friend @bkatie617 keeps a running spreadsheet on perceived coincidences in the current era.
https://x.com/BKatie617/status/1739715223244742755?s=20
I can list out a hundred things that, to me, are coded messages H&L have signaled to either us or to each other. You can debunk/deny/laugh-out-loud at all of them, if you want. You might call something coincidence or debunk one or more of these pieces. And yes, there are things out there that aren’t true, that are completely coincidence or debatable – or wildly unbelievable.
I get that. In fact, I have a whole thread of debunks on my Twitter bio. My debunk thread focuses on factual, hard-proof debunks to help veterans and newcomers keep the story straight.
https://x.com/Rosann_1986/status/1670101749267406848?s=20
But there are a hundred more things that are real. Or at least open to interpretation. At some point, it becomes really, really unlikely that everything is a coincidence over the last decade, and you have to admit that H&L are in collaboration with their messaging. For me, once you admit they are in collaboration in their messaging, it doesn’t take a huge leap to believe they are together romantically. Why else would their teams coordinate messaging to the media and the masses?
Harry even said, in 2022, “There’s not many [clues and tidbits] that get left behind. Most of the time, they usually pick up on pretty much everything, along with a couple of hilarious coincidences that were never meant to be, never meant to be kind of clues in the first place that happen… end up being clues.”
Source: Harry Styles talks to the Morning Mash Up about his new single, 'As It Was', Coachella, and more (siriusxm.ca)
You don’t have to believe any of it. I’m fine with that. But because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean I’m not completely, unwavering, solidly adamant in my own belief that it’s real. Especially if you’re not providing any evidence to sway my beliefs.
Here’s what I think: I think Harry and Louis met and fell in love during X-Factor in 2010, began dating, and continued to fall while on the X-Factor tour and the recording of the first single and album. I believe they made it official in 2011. Over the years, they went through hard times through career changes, loss of family members, solo career ups and downs, differences in career trajectory, doubts and fears, and then the pandemic. I believe they weathered all that and are together and committed to this day.
I think they live a private life and have no intention of coming out or going public any time soon. Harry said to Rolling Stone last year that he hasn’t publicly “been with anyone.” I also think, even though they are determined to stay private, they like the idea of some fans knowing and supporting them. Seeing their true, authentic selves. So, they’ve gotten good at messaging their truth to fans who want to see it and support it.
Due to industry pressure and 'image' clauses in their contract, I think they were encouraged by record execs and management to keep their relationship quiet, but rebelled (as teenagers, young adults, and fools in love will do) by insinuating double meanings in interviews and signaling to those in the know ever since.
I think the signaling started in One Direction days when fans began to pick up on the signs they gave each other - the secret looks, the thumbs up, their complementary tattoos.
When they saw fans remaining loyal, despite the idea they might be gay/queer and together, the signals turned more outward and louder, with Harry’s blue bandana, lyrics, the rainbow bears, and more. I think it continues today with graphic t-shirts, even more lyrics, matching merch, intentional mirroring in stage lighting and costumes, and more.
Evidence Larry are together Now
Understand that there’s no solid “proof” that H&L are together now. So, if that’s what you’re here looking for, you won’t find it. They are closeted still, both portraying a heterosexual narrative in the media.
My lens (admittedly biased) is that they are together and hint to us, but that most of what they do these days is for each other. Little inside jokes from across the world or across the room to show they are together. Despite them being separated for work a lot, I believe these little nods to each other helps keep their connection healthy and strong across the time apart.
What follows is a small sampling of what I think is intentional messaging from H&L, meant to suggest to those following that they are still together. Nothing is a proof. Nothing by itself is anything more than coincidence. But taken together, these along with other examples, show two men who are speaking through their actions, in my humble opinion.
They have strikingly similar patterns in their merch for FITF and HSLOT.
Harry’s merch looks like it would be comfortable at Louis’ show.
Harry drew H and L on his trainers on May 10, 2022 on a pap walk in Italy.
Both Harry and Louis used some of the same songs for their pre- and post-show playlists. https://www.tumblr.com/bluewinnerangel/702446259292831744/do-you-see-any-commonalities-between-harry-and
They both had really intentional blue/green stage lights at their shows. For anyone who doesn’t know, blue and green were their respective assigned colors when they were in One Direction. Certainly not a proof on its own but coupled with other things adds to the intentionality.
Complementary stage outfits. See this whole thread by @grete418 on X. It’s tongue in cheek, but it demonstrates what I mean about outfits matching/complementing each other. https://twitter.com/Grete418/status/1536453046611369989
Harry dressed as Danny Zuko at Harryween 2022 (coincidentally, Louis’ one and only lead role in a high school musical). https://twitter.com/UpdateHLD/status/1587297649572585473
Louis namechecked his unreleased song “All Along” in September 2022 (here at about 5:20), which strongly references Harry and a concert they attended together.. https://youtu.be/D9NjoMuz5-s?si=eRB-FwLI9JveMK3N
Louis wearing his 'dancing man' top when the 'dancing Harry' figure is so well known.
Similar visual themes like this. Same assignment, different execution. (Harry’s House/Silver Tongues):
Louis’ new tattoos (2023) appear to be images already seen on Harry’s journal cover and eye motif from HSLOT, plus they add to the existing traditional nautical motif they share.
T-shirt in Music Video for Music for a Sushi Restaurant reading LT Seniors.
Louis used fan images of Harry’s tattoos as Spotify cover art in February 2021.
Lyrics that seem to respond to each other, and/or have similar themes
Louis wears a rose (like Harry’s tattoo) on his shirt on 6/26/23…next night Harry wears a very phallic shaped rocket ship that looks a lot like Louis’ dagger tattoo. Seems like a call and response.
Louis singing 7 by Catfish and the Bottlemen, on both his tours. The song begins, “Larry call a load of smoke in…”
Added: (5/29/24). Louis announces his "For Every Question Why" Live Stream event via Veeps on 5/27/24. Two days later (5/29/24), Harry turns up in Florence, Italy, wearing an Elmo shirt with the word "Why?" via Twitter: (1) Ali ~So Be It! on X: "Just leaving this here. https://t.co/Mdty8DRLDE" / X
So there you have it. I could obviously go on for quite a bit, with many more examples, but I think this is a pretty good sampling. If you’d like to know more, or talk about it, feel free to DM me here or on X (@Rosann_1986). I don’t do this to try to change anyone’s mind. If you don’t believe they are doing these things intentionally, and aren’t curious or approaching this with an open mind, nothing I say will change that for you.
If you’re new here and you’d like to learn more, there are a lot of places to find master posts. Understand that you have to take everything with a grain of salt and come to your own conclusions. Here are a few places to start:
(2) Be a lover. Give love. Choose love. on Tumblr
It’s a beautiful war 🌈 (tumblr.com)
Great lyric analysis here: it's subjective - My song analyses Last edited December 22nd 2022,... (tumblr.com)
#larries#harry styles#louis tomlinson#why I think they are together#they are married#they love each other#closeted#they never broke up
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Small Bump
Summary: Just when things were going great for you and your loves, what seems like another amazing life-changing moment takes place only for it to all fall apart right from under you.
Word count: 4.5k
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.
All three of you laid in bed panting softly as you each worked your way down in a sweet afterglow of lovemaking, feeling the gentle touch across your skin from Rhaenyra as Daemon watched on which just made you look over at him with a raised brow as he seemed to be taking in something about you which caused you to smile but lightly tilted your head "Is there something wrong darling?". A smile crept onto his face as he wrapped his arms around you. He turned his head to kiss your cheek. "Nothing at all, my love. Just appreciating the sight." Daemon's hand trailed down your body, coming close to the curve of your hip enjoying how your different skin tone glowed before sliding down toward your inner thigh. "Just appreciating every sight I get of you," he whispered, his voice husky. He smirked while lightly brushing the hair from your face, his fingers trailing slowly down the soft skin of your arm. "I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been in a very, very long time. And I'm not just referring to the sex we've just had. I've never had this much fun, this much comfort with someone in my life. You make me feel more human than I have in decades. That is why I've been looking at you for a while." He continued his tender touch moving across your body before stopping at your stomach and looking down before glancing up at you as he whispered, "I believe you should be expecting change love and have been for some time now."
Rhaenyra looks at Daemon for a moment and then at your stomach with curiosity, and then a smile spreads itself on her features as soon as it is clear to her what he meant. She hugged you tightly, burying her head in your neck and her eyes welled up with tears. "Oh, love…" Rhaenyra whispered and kissed you passionately. "I am so happy." She sniffed happy that there would be another sweet little babe joining the family, wiping away a tear and smiling. She placed her hand on your soft belly as you only shook your head with a chuckle that Daemon was assuming you were pregnant. "I think I'd know if I was expecting." As you and Daemon continued to kiss, Daemon brushed back your hair. A hand lightly caressed your stomach and he let out a soft, satisfied moan into the kiss. "Just a feeling I had we all know I'm never wrong," he whispered against your mouth and then leaned his head back with his eyes closed. "Now that we have the throne, we should start our family. We cannot allow the Targaryen line to grow weak. We must continue our royal legacy."
You nodded in agreement and smiled as you nuzzled yourself a little closer until you were resting against his chest. "Yes, my love but I'm sure I'm not carrying But if it'll give you and Nyra some peace of mind I'll go see a maester tomorrow" The thought of you carrying a child of Daemon's made you feel butterflies in your stomach. "We can't let the Targaryen bloodline die out." You pressed your soft lips to Daemon's neck and smiled before leaning back against Rhaenyra who simply cuddled closer seeming happy if you were with a child. He leaned forward to bite your ear playfully. "And, what if I just wanted another child? Do I not have the right to demand children from you?" He leaned his head to the side, his words laced with a playful tone. A brow rose slightly at your words, his eyes closing as he smirked. "I am glad to see you agree with that, my love." Daemon leaned forward to kiss you again, one hand still trailing down your skin until it fell around pulling you closer. You could feel his chest rise with each breath he took, and in truth Daemon found the sensation to be quite comforting. "We shall see," he said with a smile of his own. "But for now, let's just enjoy this moment, shall we?" he whispered, his voice hushed. Rhaenyra leaned forward, pressing your foreheads together, and smiled. She placed a gentle hand on your stomach. "I hope you are, my love," she whispered.
The next day you had gotten ready with both Daemon and Rhaenyra enjoying the soft touches and playful teasing between all three of you, going about your day even getting used to your new duties since you and Daemon had more important roles now within the realm even if you weren't used to it. Finally getting some free time you made your way to the maesters and explained you wanted to be looked over for which had caused you to lay back waiting until it was over just to hear that Daemon was right that you were, in fact, pregnant and about nearly two months alone as you sat there in shock before walking through the halls seeing Rhaenyra as you gently pulled her away still taking in the news "He was right…Last night when Daemon said I should be expecting change and that I was pregnant…he was right I am." She stood just nearly as shocked as you "You mean… You're pregnant?" She looked at you in surprise. Even with your words, she couldn't believe this news. She walked closer to you and smiled down, then embraced you tightly. "This is wonderful, my love." She kissed your lips softly and smiled again. "We'll have a new life soon, my sweet. Our own son or daughter. It is a blessing." Rhaenyra caressed your cheek and smiled.
She looked at you with a small frown on her face. "Daemon had to go to Dragonstone. He has business to attend to. But he will come back soon." She kissed your forehead and smiled. "Don't worry, my love. We have our time together now." As she looked at you with a worried face, her expression suddenly changed as she gave you a soft hug. "Are you happy? You have given us a beautiful surprise." She smiled "But I am sure he'll be happy to know that." She caressed your cheek lovingly, looking right into your eyes. Your pregnancy was something to celebrate. You sighed but nodded in understanding before smiling softly as you looked up at her sad that you couldn't tell Daemon the news yet but figured that would make it all the more special when you finally could. Kissing Rhaenyra softly on the lips again before shrugging your shoulders "I guess we'll just have to wait then." Going about your day beside the blonde woman until it was late at night and you both got ready for bed together. After dinner, you both head to your bedroom. You were both in your nightgowns. Rhaenyra was still thinking about the good news. She walked closer to you and smiled. "What would you name our son?" She said in a dreamy voice. "I want a name that would befit House Targaryen, but still… beautiful and unique." She leaned closer to you, her lips on your neck, nuzzling it. "What do you think of the name 'Baelor?' I hope Daemon would agree to it as well." She smiled down at you with a hint of worry on her face.
You chuckled as you looked up at her with a smile on your face. "Baelor… that would be a good name for our son. And Daemon would surely love it." You leaned up and placed a gentle touch on your wife's lips. "You know I adore you," you whispered, as you brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "Let us get ready for sleep. Tomorrow, we shall have the whole night." You said with a wink. "What name shall we give our daughter?" You whispered, with the thought on your mind. "Let's see… I think "Alysanne" would be a nice name if we had a daughter." She smiled down at you and looked at your belly, thinking about the baby is growing bigger inside. "My sweet, I think Daemon would be overjoyed and excited to know that we're expecting a child. Our child." She pressed a kiss on your forehead. "Now, let's go to bed. I can't wait to see Daemon and tell him that we will have a child." She chuckled and leaned to kiss you again. "Good night, my love." "We will tell him together." You said with a smile. You placed your lips gently on the nape of her neck and gave it a kiss. "Goodnight, my sweet." You whispered. You rolled onto your side and placed an arm around Rhaenyra, nuzzling up against her chest. As your eyes grew dim, your lips parted. "I love you," you whispered.
"I love you too." She whispered as she gave you one last kiss before cuddling into you. "I can't wait to see Daemon when he gets back, he will be delighted to know the good news." She snuggled into you, and her head rested comfortably on your chest as you both slowly drifted asleep for the night. At some point during the night, you slowly woke up to discomfort and blinked while looking around as you tried turning around and onto your other side only to groan at more pain becoming prominent which led you to sit up as you grabbed at your stomach whining and closing your eyes tightly trying to figure out what was happening as more broken whimpers left past your lips "Please no." After few moments, Rhaenyra finally opened her eyes and rubbed her eyes, trying to get the sleepiness away. Her eyes widen with a look of concern and worry when she heard you, and her eyes scanned the room, trying to see what's wrong. "What is it, my love?" Rhaenyra looked at you and her features softened. "Are you okay? What happened?" She sat up.
You took deep breaths as tears welled up in your eyes before looking over at Rhaenyra, shaking your head as you took hold of her hand "Something hurts Nyra." Grabbing at your stomach more as you bit down on your lower lip then let her start to help you up from the bed only to look up at her when you heard the gasp fall past her lips "What? What's wrong?" You looked down only to let your jaw drop as more tears welled up in your eyes upon seeing the dark red substance before letting your shaky hands grab at your nightgown "What's happening?" You spoke knowing you'd have to go see the maesters right away. Rhaenyra's eyes widened in shock as she gently helped you up, her face turned from worry to horror. She looked at the bed sheet and immediately knew something terrible had happened. In a quick and worried tone, she took your hand and led you out of the room. "Oh, gods," She said worriedly and quickened the pace, walking with you to see the maester. When you both arrived, she knocked on the door and it quickly opened. "A maester, please, at once." She yelled needing them to act in a rushed hurry.
Your eyes still wet with tears and your head hurts with each movement. The maester answered the order that came from the servant who was sent to get him and opened the door. "What happened?" The maester asked, a worried look in his eyes. You looked down at her hands as she felt a sudden rush of weakness with another whine leaving her throat. "The babe?" The maester exclaimed, rushing towards you and Rhaenyra. "My lady, how are you feeling? What happened?" Rhaenyra looked down, still in shock, then looked up at the maester. Her eyes were filled with tears as she held you in her arms protectively. "Please… Save her. She's bleeding inside. There's something wrong with our baby." Her voice was filled with fear, worry, and sadness. "It's… It's been so hard for us. I… I have never felt happier in my life as I did when I knew I was carrying… our baby. And… and now… This…" Rhaenyra looked at you as if remembering when this happened to her, her face etched with tears and sadness as she took your arm and supported your weight as you stumbled and nearly fell down. "I lost our baby." You sobbed, your eyes filled with tears. "I lost our child." "Is she?…" Rhaenyra whispered to the maester and her voice broke on a whimper she couldn't hide the tears as her eyes widened in pain. Her expression became even sad, as she looked at you with worry. "Please, do something."
Looking at Rhaenyra with sorrow, not just for the baby but for her and Dameon. They had been nothing but kind and loving, how cruel must the gods be to rob all three of this baby? Your tears welled up and fell onto your cheeks more than before. "Rhaenyra, my love, I am so sorry," you muttered, as you embraced Rhaeneyra and pressed your head against pillows as you laid down letting the maester look everything over. "I am so sorry." You tried to bury your grief and replaced that emotion with determination even as you kept crying. "We will have another baby." You vowed.
Rhaenyra sniffed and wiped away a tear, still with a look of heartbreak on her face as she looked at you, her eyes slowly welled up with tears again. "You're right. We will." She placed her hand on your cheek. The maester examined you once again, before telling you that you must recuperate and rest. Laying back numbly after learning what happened this not being a first but did nothing to lessen the pain or break in your heart was feeling. You stared up at the ceiling wondering how this came to be but sighed softly as tears welled up in your eyes once more before letting out a broken whisper toward Rhaenyra "Don't tell Daemon…please I can't handle having failed you both or that he's lost another babe." Rhaenyra gently pushed your head back onto the pillow, not liking that you wanted to keep this from Daemon, but knew that she couldn't force you. She brushed some hair away from your face and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. "And, you never failed us, my love… We all failed when we lost our little angel." She said as tears ran down her cheeks. "You know we should…" Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head. She leaned forward to kiss you then gently wiped away your tears."No… I will not tell Daemon. I won't make him suffer with this news." She smiled comfortingly. "Let us just get you in bed for now."
They gave a mixture of herbs to ensure your health and to help you sleep. "Don't worry, my love. We shall soon try again." She smiled gently down then sat beside you and took your hand. She watched how after a few minutes your eyes slowly fell shut before closing her eyes as she took a deep breath collecting herself before making it known to the maester and any servants in the room that this news was not to leave the room and make its way around the realm for all to know. The herbs had worked, as you felt yourself drift off to sleep. It had been a difficult evening, and the mixture of grief, sorrow, and anger had taken its toll. You held Rhaenyra's hand as you drifted off and whispered into your ear. There would be more children to come and the gods would not deny a family as blessed as this love again. Even as the next few days passed by and Daemon was coming back you hadn't moved much from your spot on the bed even making it clear not to say anything to him about what happened as you didn't want to upset him.
As the days passed, Rhaenyra was always by your side, holding your hand as she looked upon you with worry. Daemon's return got nearer. She was nervous and anxious for a chance to tell Daemon about what happened. But she worried that her feelings would make him sad, or worse, angry. And she would hate to see him suffering. Finally, it was the day Daemon returned. Rhaenyra looked at you and smiled while she still gripped your hand tightly. "You should get ready." She said, with a worried look on her face when she looked towards the door. Daemon stood in the yard noticing something was wrong especially due to everyone giving him looks as he passed by but shrugged it off as he was happy to be back to you and Rhaenyra. As he entered the keep, the first thing he saw was Rhaenyra standing with you. Rhaenyra looked worried, which she always did when something was wrong, but this seemed worse. "What is it? Has something happened?" He asked. He approached more into the room looking at both of you only for neither of you to say anything about what happened. Rhaenyra gulped, looking at Daemon. She didn't want to be the one to tell him especially since you had asked her not to say anything. She hoped he would forget about it and everything would return just as normal. But She knew he wouldn't forget. And, she knew there was no chance for this not to affect the family. She took a deep breath and shook her head trying to smile like nothing was wrong. "No darling. There's nothing new, dear." She said gravely, as she squeezed your hand and squeezed it tightly, giving you comfort. Daemon looked at Rhaenyra in confusion and concern as you gave a small smile but started to leave as servants had to help since she was still weak.
She's hiding something, or was trying to hide it, he thought. Rhaenyra always did that when she did not want to tell you or him something. He turned to face Rhaenyra directly after watching you leave the room with help. She has to tell me now was his first thought "Whatever it is that happened, Rhaenyra, you know you can talk to me about it. You can trust me." He smiled at her. He hoped that would be enough to make her tell him what was wrong. Daemon had always been able to read through Rhaenyra's lies and excuses. Even with this sensitive issue, she couldn't help to hide behind a white lie. "I know." She sighed and looked down, trying to gather up the courage to confess the truth to Daemon. She took a deep breath and looked up. "Y/N…" She gulped and tried to look for the right words. "Just isn't feeling well." She winced as it all became real again. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, not wanting Daemon to see her tearing up. Rhaenyra sighed and looked at Daemon. "I'm not sure whether this is my place to tell you, Daemon." Rhaenyra didn't really want to tell Daemon what happened since she didn't want to break his heart. Especially since they just got reunited from Daemon's long trip. "I'll leave it to Y/N to talk to you if that's okay with you?" She hoped Daemon would believe her lie, if not, she would have to tell him. She smiled at Daemon gently.
He raised an eyebrow when Rhaenyra tried to tell him that you simply 'weren't feeling well', he doubted that was the case. But he had to trust Rhaenyra for now, even if he sensed something was wrong. His wives knew when he would not be okay with something and always told him the truth, even if he had to wait a while. He looked at her and smiled. "Aha….Okay, if you insist. I will have a talk with Y/N then." He kissed Rhaenyra's forehead and turned to leave the room. The next few days of trying to ask and understand what happened during his time away, only to keep getting shut out hearing you weren't ready to speak on it yet which caused him to grow annoyed but nod along giving in each time. However, once a full week passed Daemon felt as if he couldn't wait any longer and entered the room quietly as he gently sat down next to you before placing his hand on your shoulder giving you a tender smile before sighing heavily as he softly asked "Something's happened and nobody is telling me anything….Please tell me there is no use in sparing the details because even just seeing how heartbroken over what's happened in you and Nyra I need to know so just please, tell me."
You let Daemon sit beside you. You didn't look at him but you knew he was there. You tried to muster the courage to tell him but felt like you still couldn't do it. The shame felt was too strong and powerful and it took a lot out of you to try to keep from crying. But as you saw how hurt and worried Daemon was, you knew you couldn't delay it any longer. Sighing as you turned to look at Daemon and swallowing hard as you tried to tell him what happened. "… I… I lost the baby." That was all that could be said before you cried. His whole body froze. "What?" He asked, his mind racing with questions to confirm that he'd heard it right, but as soon he saw the tears on your cheeks he knew what you had said. Oh Gods, he thought. No. He felt as though he might faint. How could this have happened? How could this have happened while I was away? Why didn't Rhaenyra say something? He pulled you against himself and held you tightly, not knowing what to say, not even knowing how to feel. He just felt lost. Waiting patiently for you to tell him what exactly had happened in detail if you could. It was obviously something sad, and by the time you finally spoke, you were already crying. After a moment of just sitting there with you, he kissed her forehead gently. "My love, I'm so sorry," he whispered.
You couldn't look at him, as the shame and guilt overwhelmed you. You couldn't bear it if your words hurt Daemon. You felt it was all your fault. You kept staring at the floor, tears in your eyes, breathing steadily so it wouldn't seem that you were crying so hard. Knowing Daemon was also hurting, and you didn't want to be the reason why he would feel grief and pain. "I… I lost the baby… I am so sorry, it's all my fault." You whispered quietly, your voice cracking on the last sentence, sniffing and crying your eyes out, but were comforted by Daemon's strong embrace. You then looked down at your lap, trying to gather yourself, only to bury your head onto Daemon's chest, as you sniffled. "It was in the middle of the night." Finally managing to muster the words. "I woke up and felt that something had happened, There was so much pain. By the time we got to the maester, they told us that my baby had passed away." He listened carefully to everything you were telling him and felt his heart crack every time you got close to tears again. I don't know if I can bear this, I thought. "Y/N, sweetheart, it is not your fault. You can't control things like that." He squeezed you more tightly against him. "I know it is hard to think right now, what you've said is true. But don't blame yourself for this." He tried his best to comfort you as you buried your head against his chest. At that moment, he felt your pain the most and wondered if Laena and Rhaenyra felt just like this when it happened to them.
At Daemon's comforting words, you looked up at him with a weak smile. "Thank you… It is hard to not feel any shame. It was our baby." You sniffled as you continued to lean onto Daemon as he held you close. You looked up at Daemon and wiped away your tears with your sleeves. You hugged Daemon tightly, your smaller frame pressed against his chest. "I'm sorry…" You whispered. "I don't know why.." You sighed heavily. "How will you be able to look at me the same way again?" You suddenly spoke with your voice filled with worry. "Will you not love me anymore..?" Your eyes looked into Daemon's eyes, awaiting in fear of his answer and reaction. He held you tightly, his eyes looking into yours and making sure you understood him perfectly. "And why should I not look at you the same way again? You're still my wife, who I love with all my heart and soul and more. Nothing about you has changed. You're still the same person." He kissed your lips softly, to show his affection. "No, nothing has changed. I will love you the same way." He said to you confidently, hoping to reassure you and make you feel better. He looked into your eyes as he tried to smile, trying his best to comfort you and make you feel loved. He wanted you to know that no matter what happened, you would get through it together. "You are still the same, and the most beautiful person I know," he whispered. "I will love you the same, no matter what, and I'm so sorry for not being here for you when it happened." He caressed your face and slowly leaned in to kiss your lips softly. He felt your body tense up, but it was the best way he could assure you what he was saying was true.
Daemon's kisses made you feel a bit more loved and reassured not just by Rhaenyra, and for that, you were ever thankful. You nodded your head with each word he spoke, wanting him to know that you were listening. You even smiled a tad bit, even though your tears still came streaming down. It was clear you were still very heartbroken, but Daemon's presence made you feel at least a little bit better. As Daemon leaned in to kiss you gingerly again, you hugged him tightly, not even aware if you tightened your hug on him. You were just too happy to see him. After the shared sweet kisses, you looked at Daemon, your tear-filled face showing your love. Your eyes then met his and gave him a faint smile. "Thank you, my love." You looked down at your lap. "And what if I tried again?" You looked back up quickly at Daemon. "Will it… Will it be fine if I tried again to have our children?". He slowly pulled back from the kiss and held you in his arms while sitting next to you. You looked so sad, he couldn't imagine what you were going through. His mind raced with thoughts, Why would the gods torment you so? Your words did catch him off guard but he was glad you said them. "I would love us to try again," he said softly. He caressed your face once more delicately. "We will try again, as many times as you would like, dear," he said while he held your chin. "And we will succeed in having children one day."
#daemon x rhaenyra#prince daemon targaryen#daemon x reader#daemon targeryan#daemon targaryen#daemon targeryen x reader#rhaenyra targaryen x reader#rhaenyra targeryan#rhaenyra targaryen#house of the dragon
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if you have time i would love to see what you do with prompt number #5 “i can’t believe i married you” with geraskier please!! i feel like geralt would say this when jaskier is being silly and ridiculous but also jaskier would use it when geralt gives him only one good morning kiss instead of two lol. but only if you have time!!!! 💖✨💖✨
Jaskier is still half-asleep as he shuffles to the fridge, his eyes bleary and unfocused after a late night of composing. Hoping for a few slices of last night’s leftover pizza, he opens the fridge, only to let out a little shriek of surprise when he finds a pair of bulbous eyes staring back at him.
“Geralt!” he yelps. “What the fresh fuck is in our fridge?”
His witcher appears in the doorway, already dressed and ready for the day. “A drowner head.”
“Right, good,” Jaskier says. “Let me rephrase. Why the fuck is it in our fridge?”
“It didn’t fit in the freezer.”
“Geralt!”
Geralt’s lips twitch. “Its brains are useful for potions. I’m going to harvest them later.”
“Not in our kitchen, you’re not.”
“Would you prefer the bedroom?”
“Geralt, I swear to Melitele, if you get drowner brains on the duvet—” Seeing the grin on Geralt’s face, Jaskier breaks off, scowling. “I cannot believe I married you.”
“Hm. Jask, we’re not married.”
Ah, right. They’ve been together so long, Jaskier forgets that sometimes. Their friends and family are always complaining that they act like an old married couple anyway. “And if you keep putting drowner heads in the fridge, we won’t be!”
Geralt comes to press a kiss to Jaskier’s forehead. “Go take a shower and I’ll make coffee and deal with the drowner.”
“You’ll make the coffee before you touch drowner brains, right? Avoid cross-contamination?”
“Drowner brains are good for you. Protein.”
Jaskier huffs and turns on his heel to leave the kitchen. “I want a divorce.”
“Again, not married.”
Jaskier starts up the stairs, calling over his shoulder, “Then we should get married just so I can divorce you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay!” Jaskier makes it to the top of the stairs, then pauses, registering what they just said, and turns around. “Geralt?”
From downstairs, there’s the rumble of Geralt’s answering hum. “Hm?”
“Did we just get engaged?”
“I think that’s traditionally what comes before marriage and divorce.”
Jaskier hurries back down the stairs so fast that he nearly trips over his own two feet. He finds Geralt standing right where he left him in front of the fridge. “Do you really want to get married?”
Geralt looks at him like he’s started singing in gnomish. “Sure.”
“Sure?” Jaskier lets out an exasperated laugh. “Geralt, my love, this is one of those things where I’m going to need an unequivocal yes or no from you.”
Geralt leans against the front of the fridge, frowning slightly. “I never thought you wanted to get married.”
“What?” Jaskier is bewildered. “When did I say that?”
“Back when you were dating Vespula.”
“Geralt, I was twenty-two when I dated Vespula! That was nearly a decade ago! Of course I didn’t want to get married.” Jaskier throws his arms around Geralt’s neck. “I never thought you wanted to get married. All that witchers walk alone bullshit.”
Geralt’s lips twitch. “I think that ship has sailed by now, Jask. I think it sailed about five minutes after we met.”
“Well yes, probably,” Jaskier says. “So, Geralt, will you marry me?”
“Seems like a lot of trouble to go through just so you can divorce me over drowner brains.”
“Darling, you should know by now that it’s going to take more than drowner brains to get rid of me. I told you when we first moved in together and I’ll tell you now, you’re stuck with me.”
“Romantic.”
“You know you love it.”
Geralt’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, pressing a kiss to the tip of Jaskier’s nose. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
The few times Jaskier has pictured proposing to Geralt, he’s imagined grand gestures: singing a love song in front of a crowded stadium of fans, holding a sign as he jumped out a plane, a moonlight boat ride and a four-string quartet. But standing with Geralt in the kitchen, still in his boxers with a drowner’s head in their fridge, somehow feels more right than any of those fantasies.
They just hold each other for a moment before Jaskier pulls away. “Want to go get breakfast to celebrate?”
Geralt’s eyes are soft with fondness as he watches him. “Did you propose just for an excuse to go get pancakes and mimosas?”
“Like I need an excuse to get pancakes and mimosas.” Jaskier is smiling stupidly. “Let me go get showered. I can be ready in twenty minutes.”
“See you in an hour.”
“Har.” Jaskier turns and hurries up the steps. In the bathroom, he draws back the shower curtain, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle his shriek at what he finds inside. “Geralt!”
“What?” Geralt calls from downstairs.
“What the fuck is in our shower?”
“Oh,” Geralt says. “That’s the rest of the drowner.”
“Excellent. Just so you know, I’ve changed my mind about that divorce!”
***
Tag list: @kueble @mollymawkwrites @feral-jaskier @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @dawnofbards @thisislisa @tsukiwolf42 @mosaicscale @rockysstupidity @fontegagrilledcheese @kuripon @help-i-need-a-cool-username @julek @flowercrown-bard @eveljerome
#the witcher#geraskier#geralt x jaskier#geralt/jaskier#geralt of rivia#jaskier#ghost's writing#prompt fills
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