#can't think of anymore rn tho | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sanftes-herz · 1 month ago

Text

she's a 10 but she makes fictional characters fuck each other in her head

38 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year ago

Text

hit 10k in changing states btw <3

#IT'S LITERALLYYYY NOT A SHORT STORY ANYMORE LMAOO #I KNEWWW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN #tbh the intention was for CS to be a novella but like I was too scared to make that goal upfront <3 #so now it's just in the form it was supposed to be in LOL #which actually technically this and HB are more like novelettes #tho the definitions of these things is kind of arbitrary anyway I just count them as novellas LOL #I think I'm almost done CS though it's a really strange feeling I get when I know I'm arriving to the end of a project #like it truly DOES feel like an arrival #like how you know you're turning onto your street after a long car ride as a kid even though your eyes are closed #just an instinct lol so I think I probably have about 5-6k left of this #can't wait to dig into the jeremiah halloween birthday a little bit more cuz rn he's like "I NEED TO GO BACK TO LAS VEGAS NOW #“SO I CAN DECORATE MY APARTMENT FOR HALLOWEEN”#and it's like bbygirl sorry to break it to you but rachel needs you in maryland for halloween so <3

27 notes · View notes

damiemontclair · 11 months ago

Text

Is it ridiculous to think maybe this whole hospital thing and related business has mildly traumatised me? Is it ridiculous that I want to write about it in excruciating detail, just get the experience out on paper, on my blog, somewhere? It feels dumb but I want to write fic about it. I think it'd fix me.

#Still haven't really properly cried tho I am kinda tearing up as I write this #I'm not having a good mental health time rn ngl #The callous way some of the docs treated me; the way their sole focus was on reproduction without a single care for the hormones...#The generally terrible way I deal with surgery/post-surgery #It wasn't. As bad? The last few times?#I think I've also made myself forget a lot from the first 2 times #3rd time was more traumatising.#This last one tho... I never stayed for more than a night at the hospital. I never want to stay at a hospital ever again.#I never want to have surgery again #I swear if I have to do that again I will have my panic attack before they even put me under #It was so painful this time and people weren't listening to me at all when I told them the iv wasn't sitting right anymore #Nurses and doctors kept dismissing my opinions and wishes and needs....#It was like as a patient you're less than human.#My arm is still bruised from where they fucked up their blood draws...#I'm so tired but I can't seem to rest #I'm so full of emotions but I can't seem to let them go and *cry*#Its like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop #Pls ignore me amd my rambles I'm just. Not doing too hot rn.#damie talks

6 notes · View notes

scarletcomet · 6 months ago

Text

I am so fucking miserable

#i cant keep living like this #i want to sh so bad rn #dying would solve all my problems #the problem is my top and probably most lethal method could result in like lost limbs if i fail #the more and more desperate i get though the less i care because i just need it to work #i can't do that to my family tho. they would be sad.#im such a burden on them tho #my depression is getting so bad that i can barely even function #i often feel the need to like escape whatever situation im in #it feels like the only way to stop feeling so miserable is to die #i can't take this anymore #43 days self-harm free but i could really use the distraction and the pain right now #ugh maybe my therapist was right when she mentioned going back to the hospital #at least then i wouldn't be expected to do all these things and act normal #i feel like i need to get through this weekend and then if im still feeling this way and insurance hasnt approved the ketamine #then i should consider hospital #but i have to go to philly for my twin sister's graduation. i am so happy for her and all but it's just going to be really hard #with how I've been feeling lately in addition to how graduation just reminds me of all my failures #i was supposed to graduate last weekend. my sister and i were supposed to graduate at the same time #all my friends are graduating too #and im as depressed and hopeless as ever #i dont know what to do #im going to ruin everything if i go but my sister will be upset if im not there #i just dont think i can handle being in philadelphia all weekend

3 notes · View notes

astrxealis · 1 year ago

Text

me rn having the biggest hots for leon kennedy and astarion sorry LMFAOOO <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#^___^ me smiling innocently #bg3 is on the MIND !!! i dearly want it so badly. turns out my dad played 1/2 (not sure which) a looong time ago #but he never got too far i think bcs he's busy... :P but hey i love him. wow. it's really cool he knows it too (ofc he does lmfao)#me and him (handshake emoji) also never getting far in da origins yet bcs we have it on xbox bcs of him getting it a long time ago #but there's that bug in the mage tower... :( funny we both went thru it LMFAO <//3 anyway i got it on steam so i've been playing #again but not recently anymore since 1. ffxiv took over my life last days of summer again 2. summer is over back school so rip #anyway can u tell i love fantasy :)) da and bg babeyyy !!! my type is going to make you guys cry i'm so obvious #zevran... fenris... astarion... i have a thing for ppl w blond/white hair :P idk my fav in inquisition yet and idk anything abt bg1&2 yet #but Yeah. GHBSHJGBSHJG..... da origins is kinda funny (lack of better word) to me btw bcs i like all four main romance options #but it's hard to explain (i have a story behind stuff i want to share but it's tiring and annoying of me /hj !!!!!)#anyway i like blond elves if it wasn't obvious. yes i also like link and zelda from loz. yes i like legolas. yes i like #...anyway! so where does re fit in this? uh. u see i'm a coward actually i'm too scared to play re LMFAOOO #BTU I ADORE THE LORE and the characters and the game franchise and shit ^_^ just. i shld really watch it sometime #instead of reading wikis all the time and just soaking up all the knowledge but i'm. a Coward. okay #i can't even play bloodborne despite how nerdy i am over it... it's so scary to poor little me... i'm a coward (it's the harsh truth).....#anwyay i'll conquer my fears one day but that day is NOT SOON !!! i wna get into re properly tho aside from just being a nerd #so i'm too scared to play but i'll watch playthroughs sometime (and admire leon) <3 yeah. another blond. i know. shut up.#is this my life rn am i just infatuated w blonds and white haired guys. it's gna be hell if i continue nier replicant rn too huh #uh. goodnight!

8 notes · View notes

pasteldollesque · 8 months ago

Text

buzzing on my chair. let me go home and read fanfics

#ye I just cried in front of my colleague again. seems like I do that every few months. it's so embarrassing #I feel shit tho and I don't have anything worth living for except for. uhhh. uhhh my shows rn #dude my brain is awful I can't even think a single thought anymore #me babbling

2 notes · View notes

welcometoteyvat · 7 months ago

Text

ok very interesting quest in hsr

#theyre getting better at this writing shit #hsr spoilers #tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got #his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho #i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday #also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body #so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . 🧍‍��️#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary #hsr #they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars #and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses #robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting #murdered for shock value in 2.0 #ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy #hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots #chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex #oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell #and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????

1 note · View note

meowmeowmessi · 2 years ago

Note

Honestly, as much as well talk about it, I kinda don't seen City as an option just becauss they've built their team over the last 2 years, including ofc Grealish who also plays as a 10 and is a starter, and it doesn't feel like they'd want to make any big transfers now. But still I guess we will see in the transfer window for sure, both for City's squad and Messi's decision.

appreciate the reality check, anons 🥲 it's all on leo and whether he believes in whatever "sports project" nonsense pissg is feeding him atp. i seriously doubt he's going to stay in the tinpot club for much longer (dear god let this not be a jinx), but considering barça's financial situation rn, not to mention tebas,,, i really don't think it's a feasible option. and i don't want it to be, either :// not at this moment, anyway. so yes, we can only wait and see what happens in the next transfer window. i'm not too worried about his options tbh— it's fucking messi, not just any random player: all it takes is the news "he is wants to leave" to break out just like the burofax in 2020 and he'll have clubs lining up at his doorstep

#also i've heard grealish has been flopping lately?#saw some ppl on city twt saying they wouldn't mind messi in their squad in place of grealish that got me going HMMM fjdkfj #jokes aside tho. if he leaves pissg and barça can't sign him then i don't see him going anywhere other than city #bc messi enjoys familiarity. he has juli and pep over there. not to mention city was an actual option he was considering back in 2020 #i'd love to see him in napoli too but they're broke so 🥲#but i really really don't want barça for him rn. administrative and political issues with la liga aside #the way true coolers are moving rn #coupled with PLAYERS saying they hope messi comes back and helps them win the ucl #it's not looking good bruv. hate to burst the bubble but the current squad is only good enough to win the league #there's still a long way to go if they want to conquer europe. and this isn't 2018/19 messi anymore #who can singlehandedly drag them to the ucl semis #if messi comes back and they flop he'll be made the scapegoat. and it'll be so much worse #i understand there's the romantic inside all of us that thinks messi can definitely help the club of his life win the ucl #bc he's the main character of football and a real life mary sue #but listen. even cinderella's magic runs out when the clock strikes midnight #some things are just impossible #and im tired of seeing messi taking the blame for everything. i can take french media throwing stones at him bc they're pests anyway #but i don't want him to get hurt by the club of his life. that'd be too much for me to bear #at the end of the day it's his decision but yeah. city or napoli for me. barça can be his pit stop right before he r words #i have a lot of feelings regarding this sorry ://#asks

8 notes · View notes

ikkan · 1 year ago

Text

im probably late to the party...but ??????

#.txt #in my defense i don't really keep up or watch any anime anymore #i could've sworn there was something else where someone turns into like an asmr microphone??#i think there's a name for these types of animes...#i can't remember tho rn

2 notes · View notes

roseband · 1 year ago

Text

ew he's in nyc for some boring luxury brand's launch

#personal #they're livestreaming it tho..................i could also work from phone/minilaptop and go to meatpacking lol #but i wont that's...... too much #i never get like... the minimalistic luxury brands tho... if im gonna buy any high end designer #it's either karl lagerfeld shoes (yes i know what he is.... they're all samples cuz im a 6 shoe lol and i got em for $15)#OOOOOooOOoor me being tempted to get moschino or and other stories when it's in nordstrum rack or c21 #there is soooo much moschino on sale at c21 rn like two season's ago's line... but it's still too much for me to justify buying lol #like i am the biggest clutterbitch aesthetic forever and always #im not sure what i'm wearing for eric's two concerts but i have my the rose concert outfit planned already #like i'm wearing this rlly cute corsetted crop top with a rose pattern fabric with off the shoulder long sleeves #(which i'm soooo sad bc i got it at goodwill and like it was $5 but i looked up the brand and it's rlly expensive :<<<<#which means i can't just buy another thing from the brand but it fits super well lol)#and then either black flared slacks or vintage tripp cargo pants #and my usual platforms for concerts cuz theyre the only comfy enough shoes that give me height #and im borrowing a hat from my mom that looks like leo's in alive and making a rose corsage choker similar to the freepeople one #FOR ERIC i'm thinking one night this plaid green blazer i have with a black turtleneck and a tulle skirt but it might not be cool out #i could try to convince my mom to loan me her long leather jacket like eric's in the mv LOL #it doesn't even fit her anymore so she should just give it to me *grabby hands*

2 notes · View notes

scorchieart · 2 years ago

Note

SCORCHIE SCORCHIE SCORCHIIIIIIIEEEEE!!! Your sleepy rant manifested official baby Evie art!! ❤️❤️❤️

Haha, I doubt that had anything to do with it 😅 But you won't hear me complaining!

I'm so excited, it's such a darling card! Might even be a strong contender for my new favorite! (You hear that Chevie and Clavis? Get another cg where you two aren't fighting, mmkay?)

Just imagine mini Dadriel lovingly watching the tea party from afar~ I can think of only one thing that could make it better. After Yves pours the tea, the twins ask for honey to sweeten it. But they can't find the honey jar! So they search all around and eventually find it underneath the table. But it's been completely devoured by a happy sticky golden baby Luke.

And did you guys see Evie's little mini earring? He's in training 😭

#seriously such a great morning #can't afford to think about it anymore tho I'm kinda really busy rn :'(

3 notes · View notes

daz4i · 1 year ago

Text

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

#he gets it he really does.#hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary #i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope #sigh. I'm tired man 😐 i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck #(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho)#the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try #i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there #the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet #so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will)#I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void #but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use #vent #i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired #i wish i didn't wake up man 😐 i wish i died. tonight #suicide //#not really but implied ig #self harm mention //#ask to tag

3 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years ago

Text

theme for my class's christmas party on friday is most listened to artist.. bro how do i dress as masayoshi soken

#🌙.rambles #joked abt wearing yk a suit but i could actually do that #i'd be shy tho 😭😭 but it'll be v cool omg #nobuo uematsu is top all time but soken is for 2022 & 2021 #yoko shimomura's 3rd all-time.. oh man i really love vg osts fr #uemtasu's my second for 2022 tho n #txt is 4th all-time n 3rd for 2022 #random but i rlly like my hair now i didn't like it when it was blowdried but now i do ehe #it matches me i think >< i rlly prefer this length i don't like long hair unless i put it in a ponytail or braid of smth #square enix music is oh wow top 5 all time n top 4 for this year #aghh sorry i don't rlly have anything to do anymore for my deadlines due today it's just my grpmates' parts now but #i'm worried bcs i don't think the output in general for one of them is creative enough? we lacked time #n it's the course i hate the most n it rlly just ruins me but #i'll just take my mind off it 😭 i hate my regrets so much i can't comfort myself n it rlly just leaves this emptiness in me but i'll #distract myself n just write creatively or just imagine n dream n i'll be alright #despite how much grades n acads may seem so big rn it wldn't matter when i'm actually working n all #but every single mistake every single shortcoming just hurts so much bcs i used to do better or maybe i just think too high of myself #i'll work on my article critique n then when my grpmates for our research stuff finish the results n discussion #i'll work on the conclusion n then i'll do some other small assignments n then i'm done #maybe i just don't want others to think less of me to see me as inferior. i'll still get at least high honors for sure but not having #just one semestral awardee or some bs feels like a failure to me despite. my family telling me i'm not a disappointment #my friends don't know but wnvr apollo n i don't do SUPER well in acads they get suprised so. yh..#who the fuck cares about what others think oh my god i hate my mind i need to stop this i was doing well earlier today

2 notes · View notes

deet-doot · 2 months ago

Text

oooo i've got han's post-endwalker breakdown going through my head rn

#he is a broken man #he finally loses his shit and then just disappears #goes home to sharlayan and recedes so far into himself that even erenville struggles to reach him #refuses any and all company save for that of erenville. and even then only sometimes #his rant to the scions is In My Brain rn #Idfk where my stylus pen went tho so I can't draw it out #but mans has seemingly lost his marbles. to basically everyone but alisaie #who is the only one of them to ever treat him as though he's a person. the only one to ever show concern for his wellbeing #I think of the scions she's the only one he ever sees again #Though not much because he doesn't want to associate with them at all anymore #and she can't very well be expected to leave her brother. who he frankly hates the most out of all of them #(it's ok han so do i LOL)

0 notes

nomairuins · 3 months ago

Text

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and #not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work #i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a #while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that #there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and #atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk #idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless #everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles #every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling #exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But #itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking #sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good #days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and #im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can #donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to #be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and #hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care #but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to #and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and #happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality #type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so #upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for #them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep #any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to #be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh #and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this #is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh

1 note · View note

astrxealis · 1 year ago

Text

super busy but hi i miss ffxiv i played again today raghh happy 10th anniv the rising event makes me cry i love ffxiv :(( but anyway! bg3 thoughts in tags!

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#meow :3 #my approval w shadowheart is so high lol ... she & my tav are a couple. of bestiesss <3 #astarion is amazing bcs i got bit the 2nd fucking night of playing and just before that too lae'zel wanted to get in my pants #IT'S AMAZING what the first cutscene i got for long rest was wyll already turning into a devil bcs i had all origin charas alrdy #and then after that ?? astarion bite scene. he didn't even talk abt the stars anymore or whatever he just jumped straight to biting my tav #oh my god and lae'zel wanted to get it on w my tav SOOO badly ... her dialog is so funny i love her #anyway :3 my tav is a slowburn w astarion but they r fr getting there. sometimes rising sometimes going down but it's been rising more #lately and teehee <3 my tav also thinks karlach is the sweetest and ADORES her. you can see him making soft heart eyes at her always.#also got the learning magic moment w gale and god it's so dangerous for me to get gale cutscenes tbh bcs i'm trying not to favorite him here #he has. what. stuff w magic and stars. shut up. i can't handle that rn or i'll fall in love LMFAO <3 #wyll ..... i don't use him in my party good gods and he Still remains the character i know the least even tho i know him a lot more now #but i REALLY like him. i would say he's my 3rd fav after karlach who is after astarion but so are shadowheart and gale and lae'zel... so.#i'm. not forgetting anyone right #but yeah basically all of them r my favs <3 and my tav gets along w all of em p well tbh #he's a good nice person but chaotic (he's my bard baby boy <3) so it's REALLY fun playing bg3 w him as my tav ... apollo my dear #i should make an elf oc named emil. give him brown hair. be even more self-indulgent thru making more & more charas.#btw i saw a painting of apollo online today. as in the god. and almost cried (positively) bcs my tav named apollo looked so similar #amazingly w the slightly curly hair blah blah blah and the general colors. apollo just. generally means a lot to me ok. anything w apollo.

4 notes · View notes