#can't remember which one I'm on so many
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Headphones are nice, but water is Mandatory.
What can I say, I'm a thirsty bitch.
I always bring a book just in case but today I forgot and now I'm bored on the train, so
reblogs appreciated!
#Ok so I'm really only thirsty because of my meds#can't remember which one I'm on so many#dry mouth isn't the worst symptom to put up with#the alternative is migraines#or depression#but the doctor says my liver is “pristine”#and uhhh#I give it regular workouts on top of meds#silver lining
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I'm sorry but the irony of Nico calling Max unprofessional is sending me so bad like sir there's an entire garage full of people, who were literally in the trenches trying to survive the Brocedes fallout while just doing their jobs, who might have a few things to say about your (& Lewis') level of professionalism at that time 😭✋️
#f1#formula 1#formula one#max verstappen#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#brocedes#like niki lauda had to try multiple times to literally parent trap them to try and get them on speaking terms it never worked#because one would arrive they'd see the other and the other would leave#& if i remember correctly the garage crew would swap around from race to race as a like see we aren't favouring anybody gesture 😭#and thats no shade to nico because it was both of them contributing to that environment#his comment re max is just making me laugh#like if i was a part of the pr/media team - which is a part of the degree I'm working on irl - at merc that year i would've lost the plot#like its insane reflecting on it nearly a decade later but the poor souls just trying to do their job in the eye of that storm#truly gods strongest soldiers#ngl the professional comment irks me a bit because its not like max is engaging in inappropriate work place behaviour#he's engaging in another aspect of racing that his involvement raises awareness of & that makes racing more accessible#& we all know how inaccessible not only getting into racing is but also to continue to pursue the further along you go#theres so many stories of 1 sibling giving up racing so the other can keep going because the family can't afford for them both to race#its a huge financial strain & we only see a handful of drivers talk about that & try to do something to change it#and nicos fellow sky sports commentators are routinely unprofessional on so many levels#additionally max had a lot of valid reasons to be annoyed at his team today#but alas he's not english so he's ungrateful#i hate that drivers can't criticise their teams or car without immediately being branded as bratty & ungrateful#ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR JOB IS TO GIVE FEEDBACK#you can see the double standards from sky when say Lando or George have complaints with their team/car v the likes of Max and Yuki#especially Yuki my god the things i would do to get the British media to leave him alone#this was a jokey post at one point and then became a rant whoops lmao#I'll leave it that before i write an actual essay here 😭✋️
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a little something
#I dedicate it to each and every one of my mutuals by whose fault I saw that goddamn spongebob meme way too many times this week#maybe MAYBE I come back to it later to make proper animatic and just.. draw everything a bit longer so it looks a bit better yk...#but as of right now I can't keep it to myself because no one will remember which spongebob meme I'm talking about😔#sebaciel#kuroshitsuji#black butler#ciel phantomhive#sebastian michaelis#my art#sketch#animatic
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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After doing some research on the types of pets people had in ancient Greece, I'd like to imagine that Helen is the sort of person who has a whole menagerie of birds — and she loves each and every one of them very, very much.
It fits well with her being good at mimicry, you know. Talking and imitating and singing with her beloved birds 💜
Close up under the read more:
I had to include that one necklace from the minoan 'saffron goddess' fresco because it's my favourite thing Ever
#helen of sparta#greek mythology#greek myth art#tagamemnon#birds#this started as a helen with birds drawing. then turned into a chance to put helen in mycenaean accurate clothing.#and THEN turned into a sort of hades game art study/sprite because playing with half lineart + half rendering is just too much fun#speaking of fun: I really enjoyed making this!! Once I got a bit experimentative it really came together. I'm happy with the outcome! ^w^#choosing what birds and how many was a challenge... in my mind Helen has dozens of birds and all sorts of species. truly a crazy bird lady.#but I decided to focus on a few for this. maybe another time i'll make a piece with a ridiculous amount of birds for fun >:) hehe#I cant remember the source but I know I read somewhere that people would specifically train magpies to say hello/greet guests#and I love that little factoid (and love magpies very much) so that was an immediate choice for me to feature here.#I also love doves and goldfinches. goldfinches sound so delightful and stand out so they were my 'songbird' choice.#and I'd like to imagine that one specific dove snuggles up on helen's shoulder all the time <3#the only bird that's truly missing here is an indian ringneck parrot (which I initially wanted to put on the shoulder but changed my mind)#so if you're like me and watch too many parrot videos. just know helen has one of them that can't stop talking and posing lmao#capri_art
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The basegame wedding dress has a pregnancy morph??
#I can never be positive if something in my game is like. a third-party launcher addition#but this is so funny and I had such a strong hunch#because rushing to have your Sim get married before they give birth is such a thing so many players would do!!#and it would be so funny to pay attention to that detail by having the wedding dress show the bump!!!!#all your sim's wedding photos very obviously giving away the reason for the rushed date HAHA#the dress with the pendant at the back that everyone default replaces off (the one with the knife texture) also has a preg morph#which I know because it's the one your Sims get forced into if they attend a wedding#but it's kind of unusual because pregnant Sims don't have the opportunity to change into formal wear?#like pregnant Sims get new undies pyjamas and swimwear in addition to their maternity outfit#and if you direct a pregnant Sim to change into one of them then it changes them into the appropriate maternity fit instead of their usual#but you can't direct them to change into formal and if you use a hacked option like the shop any-wear rack it uses their usual non morph fi#so it has to be something external like a wedding that triggers them to change into formal. and I have no idea why#does this mean there's a BG suit with a preg morph for men??#or did maxis not think that pregnant male Sims would be quite so desperate to get married#anyway I'm probably the last person to know about this LMAO and I'm sure no one cares bc everyone uses wear-anything mods#but I'm a scrub who still prefers to use the default maternity meshes so this is yuge to me#also if you've never seen this dress b4: in the early game all Sims getting married under an arch used to be forced into the same outfits#actually I can't remember if the men got forced into the same suit or if they just used their regular formal#because most BG formal outfits for men were mostly wedding-appropriate#but at any rate. all women wore the same wedding dress. and it was this .... beauty#and I don't remember with which EP it changed but probably pretty early on they just let Sims use their regular formal wear for weddings#so you could pick their wedding dress yourself#but this dress remained hidden by default (I think?) so ironically it meant you COULDN'T use the wedding dress even if you wanted to#also this is completely off topic but you would also go away for your honeymoon#which meant the Sims getting married would literally get driven away in a limousine and stay off-world for a while#it was kind of cute because it really was like they took a vacation from the player too. got up to their own mischief away from your contro#then with bon voyage they introduced ACTUAL vacations and they turned honeymoons into an actual game mechanic#but again these offworld honeymoons are no longer a possibility#kind of like teens 'going out' with permission got replaced by going out on actual outings/dates even though it was a cute event#wow this note section is long and irrelevant. anyway enjoy picking up your wedding dress from a store called 'It's Not Too Late'
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would i be considered a lunatic if i said that horror's story could be read as a parallel for SA. Hear Me Out: (obviously be careful for reading this bc like,,, sensitive topic)
i feel like the largest parallel could be the actual event of getting his eye taken. a part of his body is "taken" and literally or metaphorically horror was pinned down and forced to give up his body (even worse considering that a literal part of him was PULLED out with a foreign object designed solely to hurt HIM SPECIFICALLY). it's digusting and horror claws and fights his way out to prevent it but unfortunately it still ends up happening no matter what he could've done. no matter how many backup plans or extra contibutions or begging or fighting he did. which like. sounds honestly pretty simple to the reality of victims of SA. that hopelessness of knowing that even if you did as much as you could, covering up, devoting yourself to a life of chastity, not hanging with people like thay, there's still a chance that something bad could happen and all of a sudden everyone's out to get you and how could they just stand by and do NOTHING while you were left to suffer and defend yourself
which leads onto the next point i wanna bring up which is horror's rage immediately after getting his eye stolen. his anger at the betrayal is (very justified my boy did nothing to deserve this) solely about him and his bodily autonomy. undyne (and alphys ig,,,,) couldn't consider ANY other possible solution than to deprive him of his autonomy and decide to just take what they wanted from his body??? AND THE FACT THAT ALPHYS SAID THAT HE MIGHT AGREE TO GIVING UP HIS EYE? it's giving very much so "oh it'll feel good so don't worry" type shit or whatever (horrortale alphys i DONT like you). a betrayal at the hands of someone you trusted a lot about your bodily autonomy? it just gives off that sort of parallel
and the sheer anger and fury that horror felt and enacted on alphys and undyne and everyone else at the CORE just like DUDE. that is a type of anger that only comes out when you've been deeply wronged. sometimes when a horrific experience like getting SAed happens you just wanna explode and drag down everyone around you and ESPECIALLY the perpetrators no matter how much you rationalize. you can have as many people as you want try to convince you that revenge and being hateful isnt the way but it doesn't matter because they havent been wronged the way youve been. horror deserved to be that cruel because undyne and alphys were just as cruel back to him, so he'll be the same and return it 10fold (he probably wasnt even out of bones when he decided to turn them into chips he just wanted to make it a point that he didn't even need to use his full strength to hurt the guards. horror could've EASILY killed alphys but no he wanted it to hurt for her so she could live a life of eternal suffering and fall to her lowest and to ESPECIALLY hurt undyne. because they deserve to suffer just as much as he did if not more for the crime commited against him)
a betrayal as bad as alphys's is only worsened when she tells him that she doesnt regret a single thing about using him for the underground. that has to be the single most infuriating thing for horror to hear because WHAT DO YOU MEAN alphys doesn't regret a thing? that's exactly what some people gloat about after doing terrible things; they try to sweep it under the rug as nothing that bad or justify it OR JUST STRAIGHT UP ADMIT IT!!! nah horrortale alphys deserved to suffer idc
and back onto that feeling of wanting to kick and scream and drag everyone else down with you after being left so used and betrayed due to getting SAed: i know it was bad that horror tricked snowdin into eating humans it was TERRIBLY BAD but really horror was just operating on anger and spite and the need for vengeance. nobody in snowdin ever did anything to hurt him (and i'm sure horror knows that considering he definitely regrets what he did) but to him maybe they also should feel the pain he feels so they can all relate. so that they can't try and fight against him when he says his side of the story and say that undyne was right with what she did. that maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely devastated after what happened if he saw everyone around him suffering too, and maybe JUST MAYBE he'd get a bit of something back from his sacrifice that he never consented to
i KNOW i'm not reaching with this but idk if i phrased it the best. but to me horror's story really does genuinely parallel to one of an SA survivor's: the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of loneliness and isolation and just feeling absolutely used for a simple thing as your body. chapter 4 of horrortale really is amazing storytelling and so is horror (he was reasonable in what he did IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS he might be WRONG but it was reasonable. i love horror sans)
#i'm sorry if this is like kinda not srs enough for this topic just know that this came from a place of genuine relation to horror#his story resonates a lot to me about my own personal experiences and the anger and betrayal i felt myself#and i just wanted to point out the similarities i saw 🙁#i think that maybe even without realizing it that he might feel replused at sex and especially the intimacy part#touching his eye socket or head wound is like reliving the entire situation over again and he does NOT WANT THAT AT ALL#its a part of his body that he cant just get rid of because it's necessary which SUCKS#the snarkiness that horror has against undyne even after 7 years is so real#you NEVER forgive your abuser in that situation. i know damn well that the grudge will continue to last on for many more years to come#one day horror and undyne might be able to make up and coexist but horror wont ever be able to TRULY forgive her#a part of you changes viscerally for the worse when you go through something so traumatic#and i think horror's outburst fits that change a lot. it seems almost sudden how quickly he goes from sans to horror#and even though he was still spiralling before the CORE he probably wouldn't have changed so drastically without a betrayal THIS bad#he better get the BEST potential ending in horrortale or else i will RIOT#if aliza doesnt save horrortale and give them all the freedom they DESPERATELY NEED#SAS pls SAS pls don't doom them even more than they already are thats all i need#this metaphor is made even worse with my idea that killer or dust pull him around by the eye or skull#probably not dust (when he's calm (when he's not all boundaries get thrown out the window)#but with killer probably. he doesn't particularly care about what horror wants or keeps to himself#if it gets a barely amusing reaction then sure whatever. horror gets unreasonably pissed anyway for someone who just got his eye taken#in fights they could make it a point to hold onto his skull near the eyewound as tightly as possible#just to make it HURT. dust wants horror to remember him with as much hate as he does for undyne#killer does it to get him to remember that moment except this time no he can't fight back. just to keep him in line#it sucks i know but this trio was never truly made to improve eachother. they were made to drag eachother down worse than they already are#tricule analyze#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv
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#pokemon teraleak#pokèmon#pokémon#i can't remember which one is right anymore I've been tagging so many#pokemon#now I'm just playing with what i can gif with these leaks lol#teraleak#pikachu#shiny pokemon#shiny pikachu#I've gotta have like 50 gifs from this leak#yay yipee wahoo#gif#gifs#gifset#rotates you
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Hi, Em. Hope you're doing great. I was wondering if you had some recommendations for fics about Dick and his complicated relationship with Bruce, or like a character study of Dick related to his daddy issues
(I don't have daddy issues, I swear) that's a lie
I do... it's just hard for me to remember which ones they are alskdja. I'm gonna toss some at you and hopefully I'm remembering the conflict in them correctly.
#it's more like i have fics that mention the conflict between dick and bruce but it's not the the main focus or anything#so i can't remember which ones those are salkdja#also i'm sure there are a lot of newer fics that tackle this prompt#but i really haven't read too many fics from this fandom in the last few years#so you'd prob have better luck asking someone who keeps up to date with the most current fics#fic recs
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in homage to Howard!Holmes and his comical assortment of poisons and laissez-faire approach to their preparation
it's tea leaves, watson, don't worry. almost certainly. probably.
#this happens in an episode i'm sure of it but i can't remember which#or at least something very similar#tempted to rewatch it now#sherlock holmes#john watson#doctor watson#howard!holmes#1950 holmes#my art#listen there are so many amazing adaptations of sherlock holmes over the years#but so far out of all the ones i've seen howard!holmes lives closest to my heart#the vibe is impeccable
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felix: [takes limerick aside early in the campaign and confides, with difficulty because he's ashamed about it, that he sometimes has trouble speaking at all, because he wants at least someone to have fair warning ahead of it possibly coming up if he's gonna be traveling in a group for any amount of time]
limerick the first time felix mostly loses speech: you've been really quiet, everything okay? do you have any thoughts to add [to this discussion]? :)
limerick last session when simon lowkey assigned felix to go do a social encounter: I'll go with you, to help with the talking :)
limerick as soon as we're in the social encounter: [looks directly at felix, expectantly]
#felix: [dissociating] no yeah that's fine#the thing about the latter bit is that felix could have handled it better if he hadn't been DROPPED on a TRUSTFALL fgkjhdfg#he's not... shy per se or inherently uncomfortable about talking to people he just worries he's going to screw it up#so that was more 'oh perfect I can figure out where that npc is and limerick will talk to her. teamwork!' and relaxing into an expectation#and then getting rugpulled lol#[sigh] anyway none of this effects felix's FEELINGS about limerick really but like. it IS going to effect their relationship#ah boy he is not gonna remember if I tell him important and sensitive things about myself#and he's gonna try to be proactively kind and supportive in ways that are actively worse than if he hadn't#I guess I'd better just not confide in him or let my guard down enough to lean on him for support then :\#WHICH LIKE-- it is what it is but ah beans :')#reminding myself that pulling away from relationships rather than advocate for himself is A Character Flaw I gave the lad on purpose.....#can't set up uncomfortable situations if I'm not prepared to then play in the uncomfortable space.....#you have one(1) friend and he's so so so bad at listening to you or understanding you and you just gotta deal with that#he's gonna actively stress you out A Lot but you'd better not say anything to him about it or you'll end up with No Friends (again)#AH ALSO to be clear: this seems like a lot of projecting based on a couple minor things early in the campaign BUT#I should clarify that a lot of the 'oh god yep here we go' is coming from ME who's played dnd with this friend for many years lmao#no yeah this was Going To Happen and I'm not surprised but AH MAN. AH BEANS......
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google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help
#alex talks#one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were#hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend#mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and#paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to#invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????'#and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay#overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day#honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10#leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the#most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried#hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive#worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric?#nobody reads these right
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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it's so frustrating dealing with a friend that seems set on finding imaginary slights against their person and seethes in silence waiting for you to figure out what you did 'wrong' this time 🤦♀️
#this is the fifth time since october i've invited her somewhere to catch up and she said no#always with some excuse#which. sure. i can't verify#maybe the 8th time in the last year she refused for some reason or another#but there's only so many times you can give someone the benefit of the doubt#when she never initiates anything and just waits for us to ask her out#and if you don't happen to do that within the secret interval of time she is available and which she never discloses#she registers it as a slight#i'm so tired of these stupid mind games how old are you/??#also she is SO hard to get hold of. never answers anything on any messaging app for days on end including the weekends#even if the proposal is time sensitive#girl you are NOT that busy bffr#i remember we invited her to see barbieheimer and she did not freaking answer on time. as usual.#and we had to get tickets without her bc the time slots quickly sold out#and ofc she was pissed at us bc she's can't be bothered to reply 🤦♀️#she always is pissed even when it's clearly her fault#when she clearly sees the message bc she DOES check the apps whaddyaknow#and the one time we did manage to see each other she had the gall to propose that we go out more often!!!#and then never initiates anything and refuses everything#ik if i were to recount this to a third person they would tell me she already checked out of this friendship#it's so stupid#having to walk on these eggshells#bc we didn't even have a falling out she's just finding pretexts to become offended#that was been her modus operandi since the freaking pandemic#good lord the stories i have#lemonposting#anyway i'm bummed out now
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Been thinking about my body a lot
#Sel talks#Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools#And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for#And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing#I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was”#And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love?#It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you?#Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down#If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever-#Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do-#Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it#Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it#Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body#Although one is vastly more accepted than the other#Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say#Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you.#Which I guess is an important distinction#Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting#But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society?#I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out
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