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andreafmn · 1 year ago

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Speak | Chapter 10

Word Count: 3.5K Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf. Chapter: 10/? Warnings: emotional and mental abuse A/N: can't believe I finished this on schedule! the story everyone is obsessed with for some reason just got updated😂🤍 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee TikTok • Instagram • Business | MASTERLIST If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post! Taglists for Twilight get filled quick and Tumblr only lets me tag up to a certain point. Notifications are your best bet.

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Chapter 10

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" Jacob suddenly asked as the pair made their way to his truck. "It's already so late and I don't wanna make the drive back to Forks right now."

"Uh, sure, that sounds great," she said, trying to contain her excitement. A surge of happiness took over her as she witnessed Jake trying. He was trying to keep them together, at least that's what it looked like to her. "I'll just let dad know."

"Yeah, sure."

After she had settled on the center of the seat, Jacob helped his father into the truck, stepping out to say goodbye to his friends.

"I'll let you know that there won't be any funny business under my roof, (Y/N)," Billy smiled teasingly. "Though I am glad that Jacob is seemingly trying to turn over a new leaf this new year."

"I promise we'll do nothing but sleep, Billy," she chuckled. "And I also hope this is a new start for Jake and me. That everything that happened stays in the past and we can just give it our all in this relationship."

"If it is meant to be, (Y/N), the universe will find a way," he said as mystically as he always spoke. "You deserve happiness, my child."

"People keep saying that," she responded, her eyes growing far more interested in the skin of her fingers. "Does no one think that Jake can make me happy?"

"That's not what I'm saying, (Y/N)," he smiled, his hand falling on top of the one she was picking. "All I am saying is that if the love and happiness that you deserve is with Jacob, then the universe will allow it."

"And if not?"

"Then, your paths will always align."

"Then let's hope that what's written on the stars is in our favor." And as she said that she didn't know if she was wishing that to convince him or to convince herself.

The three of them rode back to the Black residence in a comfortable silence. The sounds of the woods and the whistling of the wind filled their quiet. She wondered what they said. If they whispered words of encouragement or if they taunted her downfall. She wanted to believe it was the former, because the latter would wreck her.

"Well, you two. I trust that you will behave yourselves since you're under my roof," Billy told them, eyeing the teenagers suspiciously. "And don't start getting used to these sleepovers. This is only because it's already two in the morning and we are all tired."

"Dad," Jacob grumbled. "Just go to bed already."

"Ooh, never thought I'd be shooed away in my own home," the man chuckled. "But I will leave you two. Not because you told me so, but because I am tired. Good night, kids."

"Night, dad."

"Good night, Billy."

Billy rolled away to his bedroom, turning in for the night. He left the couple standing in the living room, a heavy and tense air blowing between them. They had yet to acknowledge everything that had happened between them, much less finally putting it to rest.

"Uh, I'll get you some clothes and you can shower first if you want," Jacob mumbled as he walked into his room before coming out with a folded t-shirt and some sweatpants. "Might be a bit big on you, but it's better than nothing. There're extra towels under the sink."

"Sure," she smiled. "Thanks."

There was still remnant awkwardness between them as they tried to waltz around unspoken words. She locked herself in the bathroom, finally allowing herself to breathe. Fresh start is what she told herself. Over and over again she told herself that they were having a fresh start. As she showered and cleaned away Paul's touch and the thought of him, she had to believe it.

Jacob was who she had always wanted. The boy she had grown up with, the one she had never forgotten. Still, her mind wondered what would have happened if Paul had been the one she had met first. If he had been the boy that was in her mind for the almost sixteen years she had been alive. Maybe she would have been standing in his bathroom instead of Jake's. Maybe she would have been wearing his oversized t-shirt.

"Hey," Jacob called softly from the living room as she opened the bathroom door. "Come here."

(Y/N) walked down the hallway to where he was, a smile stretching on her face as she was met with what Jake had done while she showered.

He had pushed aside the wooden coffee table that lived between the sofas and placed in its stead plush blankets and pillows, a pair of hot chocolate mugs in front of the fireplace. His long, wet hair was plaited back, and he had changed into pajamas. And he was waiting for her.

"What's all this?" (Y/N) smiled.

"I think it's about time we put things to rest already, (Y/N)," he said, patting the pace in front of him. "I don't like fighting with you."

"I don't like it either," she sighed contentedly as she sank into the warmth of his body, his arms wrapping around her. "I like things when they're like this. When we're together and happy."

"I know, and I want it to be like this all the time. But it can't be when I hear you're running around with Paul," he reminded her. His tone was soft, but his words were as snipping as a snake's bite. "I just can't stand the guy and it's embarrassing when it happens in front of the town."

"Jake, I..."

"Don't worry, baby, that's all in the past. As long as you promise not to see him again, (Y/N). I don't want you to fall into his trap."

(Y/N) couldn't remain quiet for long. She knew it would only work to anger him. But how could she promise something she didn't want to do? Something that her gut told her was wrong. "Of course," she lied. "I promise. Paul is a thing from the past."

"That's what I like to hear," he smiled before he turned her head to kiss her. "We need to focus more on us. Focus on our relationship."

"I would love that," she beamed. "I want this to work, Jake. I want us to work."

"Then let's," he smirked.

Jake attached his mouth to her neck, nipping at a spot that took her breath away. His hand held her head back, gripping her jaw. He took in her scent, the warmth of her skin, the sounds from her mouth. All as he imagined...

"Stop, Jake," she said, her voice treading between a moan and a chuckle. "Your dad is literally down the hall."

"He's a heavy sleeper," he chuckled against her skin. "He'll never know."

"No, Jake." She separated from him; a playful grin splayed on her mouth as she turned to face him. "Not here. Not now."

"Ugh, fine," he groaned, falling on his back. "Then, I guess we'll just sleep."

"Yes," she mused, crawling over his body and planting a soft kiss on his lips. "But together."

Jacob wrapped his arms around her and chuckled, positioning both of them comfortably on a blanket and draping another over them. Her body curled into his, his arms wrapped around her waist as he spooned her.

"We'll have to talk about taking things to the next level," he said against her ear, his breath tickling her skin. "I think it might cement everything between us."

"And I think you need to take a breather, Jacob," she chuckled. "We just got to a good place. Let's take things as they go."

"Ugh, fine," he muttered jokingly. "Then, let's just go to sleep."

"Alright, Jake. Good night."

"Night, (Y/N)."

If every night after was like this one, maybe it was the universe's way of telling her that Jake was the one. Laying there, wrapped in his arms, she could let herself believe that the tides were changing. That at the end of the day, Jacob would choose her. Maybe, just maybe.

***

"I can't believe she went home with him," Paul groaned, punching a nearby tree. The way the bark splintered helped ease his anger for a second, but the burning pain inside his chest remained. "I don't know what else I can do to make her understand what a shitty guy he is."

"You know there is," Jared teased. "You could always tell her how you feel and why."

Paul's stoic stare was clear even in the darkness of the night. He knew Jared was right. The more he pursued her without telling her the reason why, the harder it would be to explain his behavior. "You know I can't, dude," he grumbled. "I don't wanna put her in the middle of all of this bull."

"It's not that bad, man," the boy offered. "Look at me and Kim. She knows and nothing has happened to her."

"Yeah, she also liked you before you were a shapeshifting freak," he joked. "And look at Emily. She's forever scarred because didn't have a grasp on what was happening."

"Come on, you know that was an exception, Paul. What happened to her was a very unfortunate accident. But an accident, nonetheless. There's really no reason for you to be running from (Y/N)."

"Look how much shit happened to Bella in so little time, Jared. And it all started when she found out the truth about the Cullens," Paul said. "I don't know what I would do if I made (Y/N) go through any of that because of what I am."

"So you're gonna continue brooding and make our lives miserable? Just tell her, man. Maybe she'll fall in love with you and turn that frown upside down."

Paul picked up a stick and threw it at Jared's head, laughing as the other boy tried to duck but failed to; the piece of wood bouncing off his forehead. "You'll have to put up with me for a lot longer then," he laughed, swallowing the sadness that threatened to overtake him. "I just don't think I have it in me to do that to her. She deserves to be safe and happy."

"Even if it's with Jacob?"

"Unfortunately, that decision is hers to make," he sighed. "I just wish she didn't have to get hurt in the process."

Jared remained quiet for a second. He stared as his pack brother paced before him, his mind too quiet aside for the sporadic image of (Y/N). But even if he didn't say it, he could feel Paul's sadness. He could feel the tug in his chest that called him to go to her. He had felt it too. Every time Kim had to go to a family dinner or visit family out of state, he felt like someone had taken his heart off his chest and sent it away.

But (Y/N) was so close. All he had to do was have one tough conversation and he could soften the grasp of the claws that covered his heart. "What are you so afraid of, Paul?" Jared finally said. "I know you say you don't want to hurt her and all that, but there's something else. Isn't there?"

Paul stared at his friend, wondering if he was that transparent. "I've never been a, uh, a relationship guy. Haven't had the best role models," he confessed. "I guess I think that if I let myself get close to her, I won't be able to handle when she inevitably goes. Because at the end of the day, everyone leaves."

"Not everyone, Paul. We're still here."

"Because you have to be," he shrugged. "If you had the chance to go, you would take it. And don't try denying it."

"Come on, man. You're my friend. More than that, you're my brother," Jared reassured. "But, sure, if I had the chance to leave the rez one day, I would take it. But that doesn't mean I would leave my friends behind. Much less, family."

"Jared, we wouldn't have even spoken to each other had it not been because of the shift. I'm not that delusional to think otherwise."

"Regardless of how or why it happened, life brought us together, Paul. And whether you like it or not, you're my brother now," the boy smiled, draping his arm over Paul's shoulders. "Now, you need to let that girl prove that she would stick by you as well. And it starts by having that difficult conversation you're so scared to have. She's desperate for a reason, dude. All you have to do is tell her."

"She's going to think I'm crazy, J. That I'm making up stories to get her away from Jake," Paul whined. "Why would she believe that there are shapeshifting wolves roaming around the reservation protecting humans from threats? And what if she goes to her sister with the story? Then Bella will know about vampires and shapeshifters, and it'll just add more shit on top of the mess we're dealing with."

"How about you stop overthinking yourself into the ground and finally grow some balls?" Jared teased. "Don't think of what might happen and live in the moment. I know last year's Paul would've had the courage to ask her out. Jacob or no Jacob."

"I technically already asked her out once, and it ended up with me, by myself, in the diner," he reminded his friend, red flooding his cheeks as he recalled the embarrassing moment. "This is not just about inviting the prettiest girl in school to the prom. This is about telling someone that everything they had believed is not real. It's telling her that it doesn't matter what she might have wanted, that something out in the universe decided that we are bonded for life. It's telling a girl like her that she's stuck with a guy like me."

"Man, I can't keep trying to convince you that you are a good guy," Jared sighed. "I'm not saying you're the gods' gift to mankind. Certainly not the you from a year ago. But you're not that guy anymore. You're not even the same guy from six months ago. So, it's time to pick yourself up and do what you have to do. Stop moping about this and do something."

***

(Y/N) woke up with warm arms wrapped around her and a pang in her chest she didn't understand. She was supposed to feel happy. She was supposed to wake up that New Year's Day with an overwhelming amount of joy and the sense that things were finally on the right path. Instead, there was an aching void in her heart that was trying to eat at her insides.

It was the same void that had started festering since that fateful night at the bonfire. The one that seemed to calm whenever the fluke was around. The one that called out his name and she had let go on deaf ears.

That pang filled her with guilt. As she lay in Jacob's arms, she felt guilty that her head was thinking of another guy. And it was a guy she barely knew. A boy that she had no business thinking about, much less dreaming about.

But she couldn't help it. She couldn't forget the softness of his hands against her skin, the brightness of his smile as he looked at her, the glimmer in his eyes when he listened to her. She couldn't get him out of her head.

And as if by divine intervention, the very constant thought appeared in Jacob's window. He knocked softly, motioning for her to go outside. (Y/N) couldn't believe he was there, much less that Jacob had yet to wake up. But what was harder to fathom was the fact that she was tiptoeing to the front door dragging a blanket with her.

"What are you doing here, Paul?" (Y/N) said as she closed the door behind her, wrapping the fabric tighter around her body. "If Jacob sees you here, he'll kill you."

"I thought I was supposed to be playing nice with him," he grinned teasingly. "What if I was here to extend a truce?"

"It wouldn't have mattered because he made me promise him that I wouldn't see you again," she whispered. "So, imagine what he will do if he sees you here right now."

"And did you?"

"What? Did I what?"

"Did you promise him, (Y/N)?" Paul asked sadly. "Is this your way of telling me that you're cutting ties with me?"

"No, of course not," she quickly replied. "I mean, I did promise him. But I never intended to keep it. I would just find a way to keep you two separate."

"So, what? I'd just be your dirty little secret?" he replied, anger clear in his tone. "Yeah, no, thanks. I'd rather take my chances with other friendships."

"What did you want me to say, Paul? Did you want me to tell my jealous boyfriend that I wanted to maintain a friendship with the one guy he seems to despise more than anything?" (Y/N) spoke through gritted teeth. "Would you have wanted me to tell Jake that I wanted to spend time with a guy he was close to dragging into the middle of town and beating the living daylights out of him? Sure, that would have ended great for me."

"Why would you wanna be with a guy like that, (Y/N)? If you're that afraid of his reaction over something as small as a friendship, what do you think will happen if something bigger happens?"

"He only reacts that way with you, and I don't get why," she sighed. "And I wanna be with him because I... because... because I..."

"Why, (Y/N)? Tell me!"

"Because I love him, Paul," she cried, shame cracking her voice. "I've been waiting for this chance for the better part of my life. I've been in love with him for as long as I've known what it was. And he wants me back, Paul. He wants me. And I'm not giving up at the first sign of hardship. So, if you really want to be my friend then you're gonna have to live with that."

"What if I don't?" Paul grumbled, his voice low and hurt. He got closer to her. So close she could feel how warm his body was, even through the blanket. "What if I can't stand around and watch as he mistreats you? Someone that loves you would never treat you like that."

"Don't make this harder than it already is, Paul," she whispered, warm tears falling down her cheeks. "For some reason I want you in my life. But I won't screw up what I just started with Jacob for a friend."

"I just don't wanna see you like this," he said, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumbs. "You deserve to be happy, but not when it has rules and regulations like this. You should be allowed to still be yourself when you're in a relationship."

"Paul..."

"Listen, (Y/N)," he sighed. "I can't tell you what to do, nor would I want to. But I can't just watch in the sidelines as he treats you like shit when you deserve someone that will worship the ground you walk on."

"What are you saying, Paul?" (Y/N) croaked. "Are you saying you won't be my friend if I stay with Jacob?"

"(Y/N), I'm saying that I won't keep quiet if he keeps mistreating you."

"He doesn't," she said, but she knew it wasn't convincing. She didn't even believe it herself. "He just... he's just passionate, I guess."

"Then can you promise me something?" Paul sighed, his eyes glossing with tears. "If he ever –and I mean ever—gets physical with you, even as much as lifts his hand at you, you will tell me. The second it happens, you call me."

"I don't think it'll come to that," she forced a smile. "He would never put his hands on me."

"Just, please, (Y/N). Promise me and don't lie to me."

"Alright," she said, looking straight into the brown of his eyes. "I promise, Paul."

"I'll make sure you're always safe," he promised. His hand had not fallen from her face, his thumb caressing over her cheekbone. "No one is going to hurt you, (Y/N)."

(Y/N) had no idea why, but she believed every word he said. So, she promised. And, unlike with Jacob, she intended to keep it.

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sucuretcannelle · 3 months ago

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hi! i briefly remember you saying that you're into if's, so i was wondering what your favorites are

Sighs and shakes a red cup full of ice

Nobody thinks I'm a nerd till they hear the way I talk about interactive fiction...no one knows...

Anyway I started playing IF's in like December. Time flies

This is kind of in order? Of like enjoyment. HOWEVER take this with a grain of salt because I was sitting here trying to rearrange them (except the top 3) for 40 minutes. If it was mentioned, it's good 🙂‍↕️

1. The six that thrive by @the-six-that-thrive-if —

the way I was playing this bro. I wouldn't let myself sleep until I was done with the demo and not because it felt like I had to, but I knew I would be PISSED if I went to bed without absorbing all the content (Dante give me a chance PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏). Anyway the hierarchy system reminds me of the one that I have for the way I wrote hell and I was like 🫵 OMG THATS SO COOL.

Key factor that I appreciate: Dialogue, descriptions, and transitions. Dante is deadass so funny I'm not even playing bro. Buddy how do you write like that, lmk. Also the official art has me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

2. College Tennis: Origin Story by @collegetennisoriginstory — I ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM BRO. LOOK. IN MY HEAD, I WAS IGNORING THAT THEY WERE PLAYING TENNIS SO I WAS VISUALIZING VOLLEYBALL. SO AT SOME POINT I READ THE WORD RACKET AND I WAS LIKE WHAT ARE WE PLAYING???

Key factor that I appreciate: Skill checks, attention to side characters, amazing use of character tropes. Idk how to describe it but the writing felt so CLEAN. Like so organized and orderly. Plus I wanna study all of the characters under a microscope

3. Superstition (omg first IF I ever played) by @13leaguestories — I played this while I was sick and that's literally all I did for 2 days besides eating and sleeping. Am I okay? Yeah cuz it happened in December but like I was OBSESSED. And ashamed. My friend told me i would be into Zillah and she was right. I haven't recovered. I promise I'm in therapy.

Key factor that I appreciate: The fact that there was always something going on. Literally at least 3 things were happening at the same time, all the time, and it kept my lil depressed ass stimulated. Who could ask for more

4. Infamous by @infamous-if — this game makes me scared of commitment cuz I can't have Orion and Griffin😐 I might be biased because. I sing! So I was just really connected to this story immediately. Either way, one of my favs cuz the writing is saurrrr good, makes ya feel

Key factor that I appreciate — Infamous is generally well rounded, so I don't feel like it's LACKING in anything. Me gusta.

5. Mind blind by @mindblindbard — I have a problem so I'm a stereotypical Rosie fan. But anyway I personally loved this one because of the world building, even tho I'm a character-focused girlie. Plus the game is so funny for no reason

Key factor that I appreciate— I actually really like the MC in general. Which is funny to say, because they're supposed to be you, but MC's are different from game to game, and I like this one

6. Soulmates Inc by @soulmatesinc-if — idk with some games, it's just the vibe. Like the vibe is right so I'll read it (which like...it's hard for me to find games where the vibe is what drags me along. Tis really good)

Key factor I appreciate — Wyatt. omg who said that...I also love this game's take on soulmates. It's simple, but original, and I fw it

7. Nine Blood Dances by @nineblooddances-if— I'm boutta cry, how did you end up here twice without me noticing bro. Idk this one and TSTT have like, vibes that are connected by a small string, and I did play this one first if that matters.

Key factor that I enjoyed: It felt very structured, and again, clean. I really don't know what this feeling is

8. When Twilight Strikes by @evertidings — I love ALL the characters because damn near all of them pissed me off once. That's actually impressive /pos. Anyway Rylan hit my line

Key factor that I enjoyed: watching my relationship descriptions change. Some left me devastated stop... Like sorry A you're driving me nuts...

Honorable mentions:

Apartment 502 by @apt502-if — I can't wait to see the future parts cuz like I like it but I cant analyze any of the characters yet. But trust me I'm ready 📝

The Kings Hound by @the-kingshound — Same typa situation was Apartment 502... I'm waiting...patiently 📝

#interactive fiction #im a yappaholic

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lains-reality · 1 year ago

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I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing.

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

#lainsmail #i think this is my best work? lol #it took so long to write

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deathbxnny · 1 year ago

Note

Hi, this is my first time active on tumblr community, English is not my native language, so please forgive me for spelling mistakes <3

I have an idea for s/o Mitsuri (kny) with Blade, Jing Yuan, Dan Heng and Luocha please. who were dying in their arms and praying for another world, when they were reborn, and were turned into ordinary people with an ordinary past. Before I die, I want the reader to ask: "If we were to be reborn in a more beautiful world where there is no pain and loss, would you be my bride?". I am really looking forward to the reactions of the characters in hsr. Hope this angst idea is good enough-

Pray for you when you go, someone often remembers. When you return when someone is waiting. Pray for you to become the best memories in the world. Wishing you a life filled with love and happiness. I really appreciate you for the quality articles <3 Take care of yourself and I love you so much. Sorry for writing so long. (Sorry for the second post, I realized I forgot to add the character's name, so sorry =( )

-----♡

A/N: I know exactly what scene you are referring to here and I'll never recover from it tbh... Also thank you so much for your kind words and for the request! I hope this is okay!<33

Content: Potential Spoilers for kny! (?), Reader dies, hurt/no comfort (kinda), established relationships, angst, mentions of fatal injury, just pain

Reader has no set pronouns! (Though they do refer to themselves as a "Bride" per the request, but that's not outright mentioned here.)

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan's usual calm and playful facade drops instantly, when he has your bloody and near lifeless form laying in his arms. He holds you close, knowing that your end is near and that there is nothing he can do now. He tries to still appear so calm and collected like he always is, but it's hard, when the love of his life is dying.

And it becomes even harder, when he hears you utter those heartbreaking words, as you look up at him with pleading, weak eyes. He can't bring himself to speak at first, mainly because he wants to believe that there is still some hope left in saving you. But he is no fool. He knows, that you are doomed.

And so he nods, promising you that he will, his arms holding onto you tighter, when the last breath escaped your lungs and you smile in satisfaction at him, already looking forward to seeing him again.

"Ofcourse, my love... I'll wait eons for your return, if I have to."

-----♡

》Blade

He nearly loses his composure at the sight of you, the blinding rage of the loss he felt in his heart making him nearly dip completely into insanity. Yet he keeps it at bay for a moment, just to hold you in his arms. He's trembling and for once in a very long time, he feels afraid and lost.

Your words make his already broken soul break even harder, burn up into fine ash, until it gets blown away by the wind and leaves a gaping hole in his existence behind. He can't process them at first, wanting to be stubborn even in the face of your inevitable doom. He doesn't want to show, how much this weakened him, just to spite the grim reaper himself.

And yet, it all fails, when he just let's out a pitiful, broken sigh and agrees in pained defeat, just to give you your peace. You smile at him, as the last of your life fades out, your eyes looking right through him. Only then, does he allow himself to break completely.

"Very well... but don't keep me waiting for long... I beg of you."

-----♡

》Dan Heng

Dan Heng didn't know, how you two got to this point. It shouldn't have happened. He should've protected you. And yet, you protected him from the attack. You were bleeding out, your life draining from you faster than he could stop it. Once more, a person he loved dearly was slipping through his fingers and there was nothing he could do.

He felt like a failure, like all of this was his fault. He should've died instead. Not you. And that thought gets only solidified by your heartbreaking, hopeful words. You didn't deserve this fate. You deserved someone much better than him.

And yet, he selfishly agrees to your final wish to bring you satisfaction. Your smile made it worth it, the relief in your eyes before they were drained of their beautiful spark and dulled making all the heartache disappear for only just a moment. Left behind was the emptiness Dan Heng felt, as all he could do was stare down at you in defeat, his heart broken once more. And for good, this time.

"For you, I will do anything, my love. So I'll see you then..."

-----♡

》Luocha

Luocha didn't want to believe, that it was over. That there was nothing he could do for you. He tried everything he could. He was a doctor, surely he could save you from this simple injury, right? But it was no use. You knew it. He knew it. And yet, he still denied it to the bitter end, until you gently grabbed ahold of his arm and just shook your head. A signal, that it was truly over.

And for once, he breaks down, holding you close, begging you not to disappear and yet all you could do was chuckle and utter your last wish for him. It was a promise, that eventually, you'd return to him. You'd find eachother in the next life, you were sure of it.

He was reluctant, still so stubborn and heartbroken to accept your doom, until he did. His soul died with you, when you took your last breath, he swore it. And he blamed himself, for not being able to save you, when he surely should've been able to.

"I'll find you in the in next life and the one after that one too, my dear... I promise you that."

-----♡

A/N: I hope this was alright! It was honestly heartbreaking to write... also thank you for the request!<33

#honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #hsr jing yuan #hsr jing yuan x reader #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr dan heng #hsr dan heng x reader #hsr luocha #hsr luocha x reader #hsr

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iceclew · 2 months ago

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hahaha, yeah, might have been re-obsessed with my own AU here, because some @mechazushi fueled my brain with new content about them..so I can't help it.. once again diving deep into the fantasyy... and next to the Witcher and Skyrim law... well I came along with something else as well now :D

*mushes WOW into the fantasy pile*

Part 1 here

Oh, and THIS time I'll add my thoughts about them IN the description, how 'bout that? (▀U ▀-͠)

Narumi Gen:

Witcher/Hunter and counterpart/companion of Soshiro Hoshina. They both initially travelled to the mountains to find a rumored dragon's den to slay said. His skills are very much resembling what a witchers can do, and he is remarkable in swords art, but also a formidable sourcerer for fight related magic and enchantment. Hoshina lacks the skill for advanced spells. They have an unspoken agreement to help each other get better with the skills the lack. He also prepares most of their potions.

Mina Ashiro:

(OK, listen Reno bb, pls don't cry, I promise you get your own ref sheet, I already made some scribbles as well!! She just shoved herself into my brain last night, and I liked it, so I simply had to do this! (~￣³￣)~ I'll make it up buddy <3)

I very much loved the idea of her being a long gone friend of dragon Kafka, that gifted him his human form and influenced his life so much. It suits the story sooo good!! But I kinda was sad she wasn't part of the current story anymore... ಡ ﹏ ಡ Well yeah, that's what I thought about yesterday while working on Narumi, got to bed, and at like 2 am a word hit me like a rock and I was fcking wide awake..

Banshee... ╭( ๐_๐)╮omg, that's gonna be awesome, I'mma make her a banshee like Sylvana and she's gonna be there and has to rediscover the world, since she was gone so long.

sfhfsdldkjthat's what I did. She is a banshee now, lol. A half-elf banshee, might I add. Revived by a necromancer in a very complicated ritual. So basically - welcome to season 2 of this AU of ours I guess? The necromancer in question (oh my, who could it possibly be, I ask? It's ma gurl Rin, of course) contacted Kafka and his party, with the intention to perform a ritual on Mina's grave to free her soul, which is still clinging to earth because of a later discovered act of betrayal that 'caused Tachikawa to fall when their enemies arrived. (smth like this, I dunno, I didn't think this part through a lot, lol)

For performing the ritual she needs, amongst other things, detailed information and a contribution of someone that was close with the deceased. After finding Mina's grave and corpse deep down in the catacombs of Tachikawas ruins they start the ritual. Kafka needs to contribute a scale and some details about Mina in the past, that the necromancer incorporates into the ritual. To everyone's suprise she also adds her own blood. The necromancer reveals her true goal to not free but capture Mina's soul and obtain her powers. But something goes wrong (maybe because of Kafka interrupting the ritual now, or smth idk) and instead Mina is revived as an undead soul with a new (but slightly unfinished) body. Because of the contributed blood she is bound to her summoner for as long as it takes her to find and free the part of her soul that is in fact still captured somewhere on earth. (Oh no - so Kafka gets his bestie back, that is also basically immortal :| And I def. have in mind some enemies to lovers bullsh*t here with the banshee and her necromancer, lol sorry not sorry)

I used a whole bunch of references that I would like to mention:poses 1 2 3 + clothing 1 2

#kn8 #kaiju no 8 #fantasy AU #fanart #shared AU fandom #based on prev ref sheets and also zushis storyline #cause it's amazing and headcanon to me now #narumi gen #mina ashiro #icy's art

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damnfandomproblems · 2 months ago

Note

"People keep calling minors puritans" anon who got banned from their discord server: You are being handed every goddamn tool to curate your experience and refusing them. You're not being pushed out, you're forcing your own preferences on others and experiencing the consequences of that.

I've modded a large discord server for years. We have a gacha channel. I have a microtransactions problem. You know what I do? I mute the gacha channel, often turn on hide muted channels, and I have never once been in that channel. The other mods handle anything that pops up there.

"What if they talk bad about me where I can't see" is a ridiculous justification for banning a NSFW channel. They can also do that in DMs, but I hope you don't get angry about them DMing each other. You have to trust your friends to not be stabbing you in the back, and if you can't trust them, you need either better friends or therapy. Or both. (I don't say that as an insult at all, I know some people do and that's disgusting. I'm in therapy. It fucking rules. More people should be in therapy.)

It's perfectly valid to not want to have NSFW in a server you created, and I'm sorry that you got banned without warning. It sounds like things were handled badly all around, and we definitely don't have enough information to say you were in the right or the wrong. But you cannot simply expect other people to not ever engage with NSFW in any space you could possibly see. You are being given the tools to avoid seeing it. It is your responsibility to use them.

And to say "adults shouldn't be allowed in fandom spaces because they push minors out"? Not only are you generalizing a TON, that statement is downright CRUEL. I shouldn't be allowed to engage with and talk about the things I like just because I'm 25 instead of 17? When I'm basically the same person as I was then? Fandom has been a huge part of my life for over a decade. And you think I shouldn't be ALLOWED to be a part of it because some adults wouldn't take you refusing to respect your own boundaries by staying out of clearly marked NSFW spaces. That makes me angry and it makes me feel incredibly hurt. I'm just here enjoying the things I love. And you say I shouldn't be allowed to, when I don't even know who you are, and you don't even know who I am.

I know you're a kid, and that's not your fault. I remember being a kid. But I hope you learn to realize that you are responsible for your own experience. You can't expect every single person in the world to cater to you. The majority of us do want you, and everyone, to be comfortable in fandom. That's why we tag and why we clearly mark NSFW content, so people can block what they need to. Hell, I'll block anyone I see whose DNI I violate so I don't cross a boundary by accident. (And also because I don't want to interact with someone who doesn't want to interact with me.) But we have just as much of a right to be comfortable in fandom spaces as you do. We all need to create our own boundaries rather than expect others to remove everything we don't like.

If you don't like seeing filtered terms on your dash... unfollow the people who post them. If you don't want to see NSFW in discord, mute NSFW channels. It is your responsibility to do these things.

You have been given so many tools to curate your own experience. I promise you and everyone around you will be happier if you learn to use them.

Oh, my ask is about 5796.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

#fandom problem 5796 #response to previous problem #mod sf

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ineffabildaddy · 1 year ago

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Please Touch Me - a Crowley POV poem

just a quick one that was languishing in my brain and didn't want to be there anymore. hope you enjoy<3 be warned, explicit content ahead!

read my aziraphale pov poem on tumblr here or on ao3 here

Please touch me.

Touch me to show me we are, above all and despite everything, comrades.

Tap my shoulder with fingers as light as a feather when you greet me. Capture my hand in a fleeting yet firm shake. Clap me on the back in laidback acclamation.

Please touch me, and when you do, be not afraid.

Let the gentle grip that graces my bicep when we erupt into laughter linger. Resist from shrinking away when the fine hairs on the back of your hand brush mine. Refrain from apologising if your knee bumps against my shin at the dinner table.

Please touch me to communicate with the world around us.

Lay a steady hand on my heaving chest in the throng of a tipsy crowd, just for a second. Remain still and upright before your guest when I perch on the edge of your chair and nestle the curve of my waist into your shoulder.

Please touch me, and let your touch soothe me.

Blink as you bring your face to meet mine so your eyelashes stroke my skin. Gift me the ghost of a kiss on my forehead before bedtime. Hook your forefinger over my pinky the moment my mask of serenity begins to peel.

Use your touch to discover me.

Brush your thumb along my jawbone. Push your palm into the concave of my lower back. Trace your finger along the veins on my shivering arms.

Collide into me with the velocity of a shooting star, graze my bottom lip with your front teeth, and urge your questing tongue into my welcoming mouth.

Use your touch to disarm me.

When you kiss me, hold me not by the hand, but by the wrist. Instead of offering me your lap, present me with your right thigh. Do not caress the back of my neck; curl your fingers around my throat.

Use your touch to enfeeble me.

Press the tip of your cock to the curve of my stomach. Traverse the inside of my leg with the pad of one finger, and halt just as I begin to tremble. Make my cunt need you so much it weeps unrelentingly for you, and let it.

Grant me the right to prove I can take you.

Order me to beg on my knees and shove your dick in my mouth before I can even try. Allow the peak of your length to commune with the back of my throat in reverence and tranquility. Coax my cum-covered tongue past my half-open lips and make me show you.

Demonstrate to me that we are still comrades, even when I am unravelling for you faster than a spool of thread.

Fuck me so silently that we begin to converse without words. Fuck me so leisurely that I know you're showing me mercy - not because I can't take it faster, but because this indulgent slowness allows me to truly get lost in you. Fuck me so deep that you are no longer touching me, you are me.

I'm a dog who twitches with anticipation as his master walks by, hope so strong that he cannot contain it. Taking what I can get, never exhausted of waiting.

So treat me how you wish. I'll never deny you; I might even implore you, but I'll be good. I promise.

Just please touch me.

hope you liked it! any feedback you have and any inclination to reblog is very much appreciated<3

tagging the usual suspects (love u all) @celestialcrowley @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @sad-chaos-goblin @ineffable-rohese @iammyownproblematicfave @bowtiepastabitch @crowleyslvt @dancingcrowley @quoththemaiden @sentientsky

it is also on ao3 here:

#good omens #poetry #fanfic #sexy stuff #ineffabildaddy

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aishnico · 1 year ago

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#𝘿𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝙂𝙍𝙊𝙃𝙇: 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦

» summary: after an exhausting day, you felt like all heavy lifts were leaving your body when you saw your husband and daughter together playing

» word count: 1.3k

» warnings: none, just pure fluff, a little bit of nsfw content, lord of the rings content, grammar issues

there's nothing like coming home to your beloved ones after an exhausting day. and your heart melted when you saw your husband and your daughter playing one of the most iconic scenes of 'return of the king', where eowyn kills the lord of the nazgul.

when dave came back from the tour, your daughter clung to him like there was no tomorrow, and she refused to let him move at the moment. she was kind of offended by him because according to her, he was gone for too long. he promised to spend a lot of time both with her and you. so here we are, watching their little play. and you decided to watch them silently.

dave was approaching a toy horse with a large dragon plush between his legs. you couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. he was wearing a silver colored helmet which was made from cardboard with thorns. at the area where his eyes and mouth were colored in black. meanwhile, your daughter was wearing a simple silver helmet, only her eyes could be seen. which is also made from cardboard. your daughter then stood in front of her horse with her sword. "i will kill you if you touch him!" she hissed at him.

"do not come between a nazgul and his prey..." he spoke with a deep raspy voice. he then shoved his dragon quickly towards her. but she was fast enough to hit its head with her sword. he then fell to the ground, and she grabbed her cardboard shield. after he shot a glance at her he got up. swinging his morning star it was a plastic black ball with little thorns on it, and was tied with a rope while walking towards her. he quickly started to swing it towards her carefully, he didn't want to harm her, even slightly and make squeak noises. he hit her shield and it fell on the floor.

she was on the ground now, looking frightened. "you fool, no man could kill me." he said before holding her throat, not squeezing it. suddenly, you found a little sword on floor and after grabbing it you slightly hit your husband's back.

Your daughter (completely unbothered when you joined them) got up and took out her helmet, revealing her long, brown hair. "i am no man." she said before hitting his head slightly. he let out a squeak again and fell to the floor. she then approached you. "mommy, you saved me!" she ran up to you and hugged you tightly. you couldn't help but smile and kiss her cheek. "and you, saved thousands of soldiers by killing him!"

"i want a kiss too!" you heard your husband's whine when he took off his helmet. looking at him sweetly while he gets behind you and hugs you two, squeezing tightly. "daddy, can't breathe!" she whined.

"i'll let you go if you'll draw the little play of ours." "fine!" she replied and rushed to upstairs.

"careful there!" you shouted at her. you were now trapped between your husband's arms. tucking your hair strands behind your ear, kissing your forehead. "welcome home, sweetheart." you felt him smile on your head.

"even if i saw you just this morning, i already missed you all." you murmured while burying your head in his chest.

"i prepared a bath for you, go and relax there. after that, we can eat the meal together. she got hungry so she couldn't wait for you. i cooked your favourite, she helped me too!"

"oh dave..." you swore your eyes teared up. "i... love you so much. thank you."

"shh, no need to thank. go and relax now." he gently pushed you before giving you a peck.

you went upstairs and before you entered the bathroom, you peeked in your daughter's room. she was lying on her stomach and drawing what dave had asked her while swinging her legs. you were sure you were all going to watch a cartoon in the living room all night.

you entered the bathroom. after stripping, you entered in hot water. a relaxed sound leaving your mouth. soon you felt like your eyes were going to shut and you couldn't resist anymore.

you heard a knock on the door. you sat properly and waiting for a voice.

"babe? are you alright there?" you heard your husband's worried voice.

"uh, yeah." you responded, but you knew it didn't convince him. "if you don't mind, can you open the door?" he asked. you got up and unlocked the door, not minding to cover your body. not like he hasn't ever seen it.

"let me wash your hair and back." you smiled at him. "thank you babe, but you've already done such things. i'll be at the kitchen after like 10 minutes."

"babe, if you think you're acting like a child or a burden to me, just know you absolutely aren't. i'm willing to help you even in the simplest things." he stated. smiling to you genuinely.

"well then, i wouldn't mind if someone washed my hair." you answered to him while entering the tub again. he sat behind you. grabbing your shampoo and pouring a little on his palm. then rubbing and massaging slowly around your head. You swore a heavy lift was leaving your body. You just enjoyed the moment by relaxing under his touch.

"feeling good honey?" he asked you. you hummed at his question. "you're so good with your hands, baby." "oh yeah? what else i'm good at with my hands?" he chuckled. "hm, playing guitar, cooking?" you answered. "hm, what else ?" you suddenly understood what he meant. "david!" you raised your voice to him and he just laughed. "i'm joking babe!"

soon after you got clean and after drying yourself you were eating the food that was made by your husband and daughter. (you were sure your daughter insisted on adding more salt because she thought it was better) he wanted to talk about your day. but you said it was tough and not even worth talking about. so he was talking about funny memories that he hasn't told you yet from tour. you held yourself from not laughing while the food was inside your mouth. but your eyes got filled because of it.

after finishing the food, he helped you to wash the dishes. he sang you a new song he wrote a couple of days ago. you shared your opinions about it, telling him it would be better if he changed couple of words. but you didn't forget to praise his voice.

you three were lying on the couch now, watching some cartoon you'd find on TV. you were lying your head in your husband's chest while he laid his on yours. whispering sweet nothings to him quietly while he rubs his hand on your waist. his other hand was around your daughter's waist. she already fell asleep. also forgot to show you the drawing she made.

you carefully sat on his lap, wrapping your arms between his neck. and smooching his face with kisses. he couldn't stop giggling. he looked at his peacefully sleeping daughter. he gently pushed her away a little. wrapping both of his hands on your waist.

"you know, i'm so lucky to have both of you." you started. finally resting your head on his shoulder. "i don't, no... i can't even imagine my life without you. you both are my strength, you both are the reason i want to wake up every day. i love you, you can't even imagine it. thank you dave, for everything."

he looked at you confused. "why are you talking like you're leaving or dying? we are not going anywhere." he paused. "well, i may go often but i still come back home to you. you two are my home, and i don't want it to change even if a little bit. i'm willing to do everything to make you both happy. i love you sweetheart." he paused again to pat his daughter's head gently. "i love you too, my little heroine."

soon after, you two fell asleep in each other's embrace.

#dave grohl #dave grohl x reader #foo fighters #foo fighters band #foo fighters x reader #nirvana #nirvana x reader #dave grohl fluff #dave grohl fanfiction #grunge x reader #90s rock #00s rock #90s #grunge

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ninjadeathblade · 9 months ago

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Shopping Trip (Lego Monkie Kid fanfic)

Summary: The majority of the gang goes shopping. Then Wukong and Macaque play video games.

Warnings: Brief threats, Wukong and Macaque have issues to work through (they're also very dumb about the fact they love each other), swearing

Word count: 6,072

Author's notes: This would NOT leave me alone so here fandom, take the gays residing in my brain for the last two days. Sandy isn't here because I had no idea what he'd be doing. This is 90% indulgent Shadowpeach content for myself but hey, that's something. This is set post Emperor's Wrath. Enjoy.

“Hey, Monkey King, why d'you always wear your fancy robes?” MK questioned after the three of them took a break from training.

Macaque stifled a laugh, looking over at Wukong and revelling in the confusion on his face.

“What do you mean?” Wukong asked around a mouthful of peach flavoured crisps, crunching noisily on them.

MK shrugged and gestured. “You and Macaque always wear your fancy clothes whenever you come and just hang out with us, you can't be comfortable in it.”

“Look, kid, I hate to break it to you but we don't actually own any other clothes,” Macaque replied.

“I can make some though!” Wukong exclaimed, one hand already reaching to yank hair out of his head.

MK and Macaque rushed to stop him, the former tackling his hand still holding the bag of crisps, while the latter reached through a shadow portal to grab his wrist.

“Quit it Wukong, you already eat enough of your hair as it is, no point in you wearing it as well,” Macaque said with an eye roll.

MK’s eyes went round as saucers. “Please tell me that those crisps aren't hair.”

Wukong averted his gaze with a nervous laugh. “Whaaaaat? No, pfft, I'm not that- er-”

“Monkey King! You promised to start eating proper food!” MK whined, poking him in the cheek.

Wukong sighed. “Yeah yeah, I am, kid, I promise, now can I have my arms back?”

Macaque glared at him over MK's head, getting a returning glare.

MK gasped and jumped up, waving his arms wildly. “Oh my gosh, I know just what we should do?”

“Yuh-huh and what's that?” Wukong asked.

“Mei keeps telling me about this super cool new shopping centre that opened up the other week!” MK explained. “What if we all had a day out there and you guys can pick out some comfy clothes for hanging out with us?!”

Macaque shook his head. “Look, kid, I appreciate it but-”

He went silent as something yanked his tail, head whipping around to catch another tail quickly retreating to Wukong's side.

Oh that little-

“It's an amazing idea!” Wukong replied with a grin. “Let us know when you want to do it and we'll be there.”

“Funny how you now speak for both of us,” Macaque muttered, opening up a shadow portal beside him and reaching through to yank Wukong's tail.

The king turned to glare at the warrior, Macaque shooting him a shit-eating grin in return.

“Okay! I'm gonna go, I'm working this evening but I'll see you guys for training again tomorrow!” MK said before beginning to run back down the mountain. “Thanks again for the training!”

A beat went by before the two of them turned to each other.

“You know you could be more supportive of the kid,” Wukong snapped.

“Me? Really? Last I checked you were the one who abandoned his training!” Macaque argued, standing up. “Because that's what you always do isn't it? The great Sun-Wukong who always puts himself first.”

Wukong's jaw clenched, tail lashing behind him, and for a moment it seemed like they were going to fight again.

Then the king's shoulders heaved and his posture slouched. “Can we not do this right now?”

Macaque rolled his shoulders, the joints clicking slightly. “Running off again?”

“Can you stop?!” Wukong shouted. “I don't know what you want from me but you're not gonna get a rise. I'm done with this - with you always trying to bait me into another fight. I have people to look out for now.”

Macaque scoffed. “You can't tell me you actually care about the kid.”

“Bold words from someone who also cares about him,” Wukong retorted and Macaque's fur bristled. “Oh yeah, don't think I haven't noticed. While I was off doing very important things, you kept showing back up. Some part of you does actually care about MK, be honest.”

“Nope, doesn't sound like me,” Macaque stated, tail tapping against the ground twice as he opened up a shadow portal. “See you around, Monkey King.”

Wukong dashed forward, one arm outstretched. “No, wait, Macaque-”

The darkness surrounding him.

Silence.

Well, it wasn't quite silent, it sounded like everything was muffled and underwater.

Macaque took a deep breath, artificial air expanding his lungs.

Wukong was still there although it was like seeing him through murky glass, thumping a fist against the shadows on the ground before giving up and walking away.

Macaque floated in the inky expanse, debating on whether or not to return to his dojo before deciding that he would just stay here for now.

It was peaceful.

It was everything that outside wasn't.

~•~

“Hey boi!” Mei cheered, tackling MK into a hug before waving at Wukong. “Heya Monkey King!”

“Hey,” Wukong waved, pulling his loaned hoodie further over his head. “Hey bud, you sure that no one's gonna recognise me in this?”

“I dunno honestly but if not you can transform, right?” MK argued.

“Fair point.”

“I still do not understand why I have to be here,” Red Son complained, foot tapping impatiently. “If we are all here then can we go already?”

“No, sorry, we're still waiting on someone else,” Tang answered.

“Who else are we waiting for?” Wukong questioned. “The pig guy?”

Tang adjusted his scarf. “Oh no, Pigsy is at that food stall over there shouting at the chef because he sold us half baked churros while we were waiting.” He paused. “Speaking of, I'm going to go stop Pigsy before he ends up in too much trouble.”

“Literally who else would MK invite?” Wukong's eyes narrowed in confusion. “I don't even understand why Red Son is here.”

“Hey!”

“I swear if you invited Nezha then this is going to be the most boring shopping trip ever.”

“Ugh, I wish he'd invited Nezha, then I'd have someone else to make fun of you with.”

Wukong spun around with a curse, glaring at their final arrival, who hadn't even bothered with a disguise.

“Great, just great.”

Macaque shrugged. “Hey, I don't want to be here any more than you want me to be here. Only reason I'm tagging along is that I was planning to grab some food anyway.”

“But we're meant to be clothes shopping,” Mei interrupted, eyes watery as she stared up at the warrior.

“Yeah Macaque, you promised,” MK added, also staring up with large eyes.

“Look kid I didn't-” The warrior paused and sighed. “Fine, I'll buy some clothes. But I'm picking what I get, not you guys.”

The two of them let out a cheer and rushed back over to Red Son, beginning to drag him in the direction of a shop.

“I cannot believe that I'm gonna have to put up with you today,” Wukong groaned as the two of them set off after the trio.

“Hey, you're the one who volunteered me for this so if there's anyone to blame it's yourself,” Macaque responded.

Mei and MK had seemed to immediately start piling clothes into their arms, occasionally thrusting some pieces into Red Son's arms.

Wukong stumbled backwards slightly when MK seemed to just appear in front of him, holding up two pairs of pyjamas. “Hey Monkey King! Should we get these matching Monkey King™ pyjamas?”

“Hey kiddo, I'm wearing a disguise for a reason so maybe keep your voice down,” Wukong chuckled. “But yeah, absolutely.”

The king turned to glare at Macaque when the warrior snickered.

“Something funny?”

“No, it's nothing,” Macaque lied, one hand coming up to try and cover the smile on his face.

Wukong let out a loud, over-dramatic gasp. “Are you making fun of my bond with my apprentice? Are you making fun of our super duper cool friendship?”

“No,” Macaque sputtered, trying to get his laughter under control.

Wukong leaned in, poking him in the face. “You are! How could you?”

Macaque stopped trying to contain his laughter at the theatrics, golden eyes screwing up tight as he nearly doubled over.

Wukong's smile wavered as his gaze flitted across the warrior's face.

He knew realistically why Macaque would cover up his eye.

Seeing his unmarred face and having these moments made it almost seem like nothing had ever gone wrong between them.

When Macaque straightened up again he shot Wukong a quick glance, accompanied with a shy smile before returning his attention to the shop in front of them. “C'mon then, no point standing around all day. Gotta find you something to wear other than pyjamas.”

“Yeah and we've gotta find you anything to wear,” Wukong teased. “What do you even wear? Like, leather jacket and grunge aesthetic boots.”

“How the fuck do you know what an aesthetic is?” Macaque swore, turning back to face him.

The king shrugged nonchalantly and grinned. “What can I say, I guess I'm just cool like the kids are.”

The warrior snorted. “Yeah right, the day that you're cool is the day I haven't died before.”

A silence fell between them at that comment and something flickered over Macaque's features.

Wukong reached out to him before the shadow slipped away from him, walking over to a rack of darkly coloured clothes.

There was so much they still needed to talk about.

Macaque flicked through the different hanging articles before smirking. “So, what about the fact that Red Son has a crush on either MK or Mei?”

“Wait, what?” Wukong spluttered.

“When the three of them were together back there, Red Son was blushing and stuff. Can't tell which of them is making him fall for them but I'm not actually that surprised.”

Wukong stood stock still for a moment, doing a mental reboot while Macaque moved on.

“Wait, no, hold on you little shit, are you for real?” Wukong questioned.

Macaque nodded. “When we catch up to them, just watch. I wouldn't lie, would I?”

“I dunno, seems like you lie a lot.” Wukong narrowed his eyes dubiously.

“Well, I'm not lying about that.”

They wandered for a little longer before managing to catch up with the trio.

Okay, Wukong had to hand it to Macaque, Red Son did seem to be blushing.

“Hey, Monkey King, you made it! We lost you back there!” MK cheered before turning back to Mei. “Ooh, Mei, do you still have the thing we picked out for Macaque?”

“Kid I don't-”

“Found it!” Mei announced, holding up the black mesh shirt.

Macaque's gaze dragged over it before extending a hand. “Okay, I'll try it on.”

Wukong did a double take. “You like mesh?”

“Haven't tried it before but it looks cool enough. If I can get something to go over it then I'd probably like it.”

Red Son held up a black sleeveless turtleneck shirt from the pile in his arms. “Something like this?”

Macaque shifted the first shirt in his grip before reaching out for the other. “Sounds good.”

“Oh and there are some dark coloured jeans by the changing rooms, wanna grab a pair of those?” MK offered.

“Mhm.”

Wukong trailed behind the bunch of them, briefly wondering where Tang and Pigsy had gotten to.

Him and MK plopped down onto a bench just outside the changing rooms, MK's stack of clothes beside him.

“I'm gonna try them on after the others have tried theirs,” MK explained. “Wait a minute, why don't you have anything Monkey King?”

“Um, well, I just didn't see anything I liked all that much, bud,” Wukong lied.

“Oh okay.”

The boy got out his phone, playing some obnoxiously loud game while they waited for the others to get changed.

“Okay, we're done!” Mei called after a while.

“Come out then!” MK shouted back, shutting his phone off and putting it back in his pocket.

“Macaque, you coming?”

“Nope.”

“Aw, come on, pretty please? You look great!”

“...Fine.”

Mei stepped out, practically dragging Red Son and Macaque with her.

And wow, Macaque actually looked kind of good.

The clothes actually suited him.

The warrior wrenched Mei's iron grip off his arm before grumpily crossing his arms over his chest.

“Woah, you guys look awesome!” MK gasped, clapping his hands together.

Macaque rolled his eyes and frowned when he looked over at Wukong. “Quit staring, Wukong, don't you know it's impolite?”

Wukong smirked. “Thought you said I was impolite.”

“Yeah, I know that you are. Doesn't mean you have to give me more reasons for it,” the warrior complained before looking over at Mei. “Hey, can we wrap this up and buy this stuff already?”

“Nu-uh, we've still got loads of outfits to try on! You and Monkey King can wait here while we finish checking all these sick clothes out,” Mei replied.

Macaque grumbled something under his breath before going back to the changing room.

Three pairs of eyes turned to Wukong. “He's just always kinda cranky, trust me.”

“I heard that!”

~•~

“Ugh, how much sugar did you even put in that thing?” Macaque asked, nose wrinkling with disgust at the sweet scent coming off of Wukong's drink.

Wukong moved the glass away from his face, a bit of cream smeared on his nose. “Um, I dunno. It has chocolate, ice cream, sprinkles, some more chocolate, some normal cream, some kinda sweet milk, caramel-”

Macaque reached out and grabbed the drink out of his hand while he was distracted listing ingredients, holding it out of his reach. “You are going to clog an artery if you have that much sugar.”

Wukong pouted. “Macaque! Gimme back my drink!”

Macaque opened up a shadow portal under his hand, hovering the drink just above it. “You aren't going to have all of it to yourself or you will die.”

“I'm immortal, I can't die,” Wukong retorted.

Oh yeah.

“You aren't going to have it all to yourself or I'll steal all the wine you're hiding at your place.”

Wukong's eyes went wide and he leaned across Macaque, desperately attempting to grab it. “No! No! Fine, I'll share! Just gimme the drink!”

Macaque dropped the drink through the shadow portal, watching as Wukong's face fell.

As the king turned back to the table the warrior opened a portal again, depositing the drink - now with two straws - back in front of him.

“Come on, if you're going to clog an artery then I might as well do it with you.”

Wukong shot him a quick glare but moved the glass so it was between them.

Red Son slid back into their booth. “They're still ordering but wanted me to say they'll be back soon.”

Macaque glanced over to the counter where Mei and MK seemed to be arguing over the menu of sweet treats.

“May I ask a question?” Red Son asked.

“You just did,” Wukong teased.

The boy rolled his eyes. “May I ask another question after the one I am asking at this moment?”

“Mmmmkay.”

Macaque lowered his head to take a sip of the drink, throat burning at how sickly sweet it was.

He'd never understand how Wukong could stomach these things.

“Are you two in a relationship?”

Macaque choked on his drink and Wukong hit him on the back a few times while replying.

“No, never! Me? With him? Tch, as if! He's so- him! And I'm so me!” The king answered.

Macaque gulped in a lungful of air after recovering. “This is the one time we agree on something and it's that we are not a thing. I hate him, he makes me feel like my skin is on the outside and my fur is on the inside. I'd rather have my heart served up on a platter to the Lady Bone Demon than go out with him.”

“Ew, did you have to be so graphic?” Wukong complained. “You're gonna put me off my drink.”

“Good. It tastes like shit.”

“Because you have no tastes.”

“I do have tastes. Anyway, you seemed to conveniently leave out the fact that this drink is peach flavoured.”

Wukong shrugged and smiled. “It's my favourite.”

“You sure you didn't make this out of your hair?” Macaque questioned, lip curling in disgust.

Red Son huffed. “No, I paid for his drink. And there's no need for you two to be so defensive.”

“We're back!” MK announced, flopping down against Red Son's side. “What did we miss?”

“Ah, yes, you are back,” Red Son flustered.

Macaque and Wukong shared a look.

So that's who Red Son liked then.

“Duh, that's what I just said,” MK laughed.

“We ordered every dessert they had!” Mei announced.

“Oh no,” Macaque whispered.

“Oh yes,” Wukong purred, eyes lighting up. “Desserts for everyone!”

The warrior dropped his head to rest against the table, grimacing at how sticky it seemed to be. “Why did I ever let myself be dragged along here?”

“Because you're our friend!” MK said.

“Greeaaaat.”

~•~

“Omg, these stationary sets are so naturecore, I have to have them for my aesthetics blog,” Mei gasped.

Wukong nudged Macaque to grab his attention before whispering. “Hey, d'you have any idea what that means?”

“No idea,” Macaque admitted. “As established earlier, I know aesthetic but that's about it.” The warrior smirked. “Aren't you the one who's ‘cool like the kids are’?”

“Shuddup,” Wukong laughed.

Macaque's tail flicked up to hit him in the back of the head before looking around. “So, we kinda lost Pigsy and Tang at the start.”

“Yeah, it'll be fine,” the king replied calmly, waving it off.

“Maybe for you. I for one would like to not be on kid sitting duty for the next decade.”

“It's only been two hours,” Wukong stated, snickering at the defeated groan Macaque let out. “What's wrong? Too old to keep up?”

“Wha- no,” Macaque denied sourly before continuing. “My feet hurt though. I'm not used to walking around this much. Usually I just use my shadows to get places.”

Wukong sighed before holding out his arms.

The warrior stared blankly at him.

“Climb on, I'll carry you,” the king offered.

Macaque immediately began to walk away from him. “Nope, nu-uh, never happening, find someone else prince fucking charming.”

“Come on Macaque, your pride won't be that wounded if you let yourself take a break,” Wukong whined, following him.

The shadow’s tail lashed behind him as he walked through the aisles of the shop, trying to catch up to wherever the other three had run off to. “I'll take a break when I get home later. Feet being sore isn't the worst thing I've had to deal with.”

Unspoken words hung between them and Wukong followed Macaque silently until they reached the trio, staring at row upon row of cards.

“Hey guys, whatcha looking at?” Wukong inquired, propping his head on MK's shoulder.

“We're helping Mei pick out a card for her dad's birthday,” MK explained.

“You could make one,” Red Son added. “Although didn't you say it's tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Mei groaned. “I was so busy helping MK train that I forgot.”

“You forgor,” MK said.

“I forgor,” Mei affirmed.

Wukong straightened back up, whispering. “What language is this?”

“No idea,” Macaque said.

“No idea what?” Mei asked.

“Nothing.”

“‘kay.”

Wukong smiled at Macaque.

The shadow returned it with a small quirk of his mouth.

It wasn't much but it was better than it had been.

~•~

“That's it, I am not being dragged into a spa, I'm calling Pigsy,” Macaque said, digging his phone out his pocket.

“You have Pigsy's number?” Wukong asked beside him before continuing. “You have a phone?”

“Yeah, and?” Macaque tapped onto his contacts. “Got Pigsy's number after the kid crashed out at my place one time. Also he makes good noodles.”

“I know right?” Wukong agreed, mouth practically watering.

“Hello! Pigsy's Noodles, how can I-”

“Cut the crap Pigsy, your kids are trying to drag me into a spa and I know that you and Tang are still somewhere in this shopping centre.”

“Oh fuc- okay, where are you guys, I'll come and get ‘em,” Pigsy sighed.

“Seventh floor, top right corner, next to the arcade place.”

“Wait, there's an arcade place next door and they chose to go to the spa instead?” Tang questioned.

“Red Son is trying to convince us all to get princess pamper sessions before we get wrecked and lose all our money to useless games,” Macaque explained.

“That'd do it. We'll be there in a few.”

Macaque hung up, quirking an eyebrow at Wukong's sad expression. “What do you want now?”

“You're gonna ruin their fun,” Wukong complained, gesturing at where the three others were currently crashed out on a bench.

“No, I'm just getting us the rest of the evening off,” Macaque argued.

When Wukong still looked upset he sighed.

“If I play your shitty game this evening will that make it up to you?”

Wukong brightened up. “Yes! Although it isn't shitty, take that back.”

“Maybe. Depends on how good your game is.”

Macaque looked over at the trio. “Hey, Red Son, a word.”

The boy seemed sheepish as he walked over, a sharp contrast to his usual confident demeanour. “Yes?”

“You break MK’s heart and I'll break all your bones,” Macaque snarled quietly.

“Okay so you're just coming out with it,” Wukong muttered.

“P-pardon?” Red Son stuttered, hair letting off embers.

“You aren't subtle. So you heard me. If you break his heart, I will break all your bones.”

Red Son swallowed thickly. “Y-yes sir.”

“Good.”

MK walked up beside them. “What're you guys talking about?”

“We were just saying goodbye,” Wukong supplied, somehow having come up with a good excuse for once in his long life.

“Oh cool. I'm sleeping around Red Son's tonight so won't be able to make it to training tomorrow, is that okay?” MK said.

Macaque subtly shot Red Son a glare while he replied to MK. “That's fine, see you in a few days kid.”

The warrior opened up a shadow underneath himself and the king.

“No, no, no, no, no, not the shadow portal!”

~•~

“Ugh, I think I'm gonna throw up,” Wukong complained as he dropped out of the shadow portal.

“Too bad, you fly your cloud recklessly and the shadows are quicker,” Macaque replied, dropping down beside him before opening up their shared bag of shopping purchases and grabbing out a handful of clothes. “I'm gonna get changed then I'm ordering actual food for dinner.”

“But my way is cheaper!”

“Yeah, and it'll have you hacking up furballs until your eventual death, Wukong,” Macaque snorted, shutting himself into the bathroom.

Wukong rooted around in the bag and grabbed out one of the plain shirts he'd picked out, slipping off his robes and putting on the black t-shirt before grabbing a pair of loose blue jeans out of the bag.

The king settled down on the sofa, aimlessly flicking through channels on his TV until his tail brushed against someone else.

Wukong lifted his head up, staring at Macaque.

The warrior practically had a halo of light around his head from the setting sun behind him, a sliver of yellow fabric visible under his dark hoodie.

“Hey. You up for burning off some energy?” Macaque proposed and Wukong was in his feet within seconds.

“We haven't fought in ages,” Wukong sceptically tested.

Macaque shrugged. “Nothing serious. But I need to stretch out my limbs and test how flexible I am in these clothes.”

Wukong dragged his eyes up and down Macaque. “Mhm, because ripped jeans are gonna be sooo easy to move around in. Prepare to be beat.”

Macaque smirked, sweeping out one leg and knocking Wukong off balance.

“H-hey! No fair!” Wukong growled, reaching up and tugging Macaque down with the edge of his hoodie.

The warrior let out a squeak, collapsing down beside the king before going still.

“Oh shit. Macaque? You good, bud?” Wukong questioned, moving closer.

Macaque spun around, hands catching Wukong's and pinning them against the floor. “I cannot believe you just fell for that.”

“Yeah, well, it's been years since you played that card while we've fought,” Wukong argued, one leg kicking out and into Macaque's stomach.

The warrior's grip on his hands loosened, allowing the king to flip the two of them over as he hovered over him.

His hands closed around Macaque's, mimicking the move just used on him.

“Not so cocky now, huh?” Wukong challenged.

Macaque just laughed and rolled his eyes, opening up a shadow portal underneath himself.

Wukong pulled back, watching as the other sank into the floor and disappeared before a weight crashed down on his back.

“Fuck! Macaque!”

“Got you now,” Macaque taunted, the two of them rolling back and forth until Macaque pinned Wukong down.

The warrior was just shy of sitting on him, chest heaving as he breathed.

Wukong sighed. “Yeah, alright Mac, you win, now get off of me.”

The shadow paused, golden eyes staring at him.

“What?” Wukong inquired.

“You haven't called me Mac since- since before,” Macaque stated, his grip on Wukong's hands loosening.

Orange and pink hues of light shone off of his dark fur.

It was beautiful.

He was beautiful.

“No, no I guess not,” Wukong murmured.

Macaque rolled onto the floor beside him, both of them staring up at the ceiling.

“So, if Red Son does break MK's heart we are absolutely going to ruin his life, right?” Macaque questioned.

Wukong rolled onto his side, staring at Macaque.

Tufts of dark hair stuck up in different directions, framing his face.

The king reached out with a hand before hesitating when the warrior flinched, eyes closing.

A long moment passed, before Macaque quickly got up, with a mumbled sentence. “I'm going to order dinner.”

“Yeah, okay,” Wukong responded, mentally kicking himself.

Of course Macaque still didn't trust him, why should he?

After everything Wukong had done, he had no reason to.

“Hey, Wukong, how many portions should I order you?” Macaque asked, one hand muffling the bottom of his phone.

“Three, if that's okay,” Wukong answered.

Macaque nodded before continuing to quietly speak to whoever was on the other end of the line.

Wukong walked back over to the sofa, sitting down and trying to avoid looking at his friend.

Huh.

When had he started thinking of Macaque as a friend again?

The other side of the sofa dipped as weight settled down on it.

“I'm sorry for flinching,” Macaque whispered. “Really going against my therapy goals.”

Wukong blinked before looking over at him. “You go to therapy?”

Macaque's tail wrapped across his chest, curling over his opposite shoulder. “Well, I'm trying. Kind of hard though when most therapists are mortal and I have issues with opening up about things from my past.”

The shadow let out a deep breath before slowly relaxing against the king's side. “Is… is this okay?”

“Yeah, no, of course,” Wukong flustered a bit, shifting so that Macaque would be more comfortable.

Wukong turned so his back was resting against the arm of the sofa, one arm circling around Macaque's waist.

The warrior tensed under his touch slightly before relaxing back against him, pillowing his head on the king's chest. “You sure you're okay with this?”

“Geez Mac, I'm fine,” Wukong responded. “Are we gonna start playing my game now or d'you want to wait until after dinner?”

“After dinner. I want to get some rest in,” Macaque sighed, opening up a shadow portal over the top half of his head. “I'll wake up when the food gets delivered, I'll hear it. You should get some rest too.”

“Yeah alright. You get some rest.”

“Thanks Wukong.”

“No problem bud.”

~•~

Macaque's ear flicked inside the portal as footsteps ran up to the door of his dojo.

“Hold on,” he murmured to Wukong, unsure whether his friend was even awake before sitting up and slipping his upper body through the shadow portal.

“Knock knock!” The delivery boy shouted as Macaque reached over to open the door.

MK grinned and held up the couple of bags in his arms. “Hey Macaque! This is more than you usually order.”

“Yeah, well, I've got company,” Macaque said evasively.

“Is it Monkey King?”

“Nah, I have other friends,” Macaque lied, reaching out with one hand for the bags. “Aren’t you meant to be staying around Red Son's?”

“Yeah, I'm headed there after this,” MK explained.

“Have a good sleepover, kid.”

“You too Macaque!”

“No, kid, I'm not having a-”

“Bye Macaque!”

The shadow sighed, shutting and locking his door before slipping back through the portal to Wukong's house.

The king was still passed out on the sofa, snoring at an obnoxious volume.

Or perhaps it was actually quiet, and Macaque's sensitive hearing was getting to him more than usual.

“Hey, wake up.”

Wukong blinked awake, sitting up before his mouth watered at the sight of the takeaway bags. “Oh yes.”

Macaque rolled his eyes but passed over the three portions Wukong had asked for. “You know, if you keep eating that many portions then you're going to get fat.”

Wukong let out an offended gasp before shovelling some of the noodles into his open mouth. “No I'm not.”

“You are,” Macaque replied, teasingly poking him on the stomach. “See? Round.”

“It's cushioning. For when I may somehow end up on the floor,” Wukong explained.

“Because I beat you up,” Macaque snickered, opening up his own meal while Wukong began to dig into his second.

“Shuddup.”

“Make me,” Macaque challenged, tail lashing behind him.

Wukong's golden gaze flitted across him before he went back to his meal.

“That's what I thought.”

After they'd finished their meal, Macaque let out a sigh. “Alright then, put on your crappy game.”

“It's not crappy!” Wukong protested, already digging through the piles of DVDs in front of his TV. “Alright, found it. Get ready for the best game you'll ever play.”

“I highly doubt it,” Macaque mumbled, nearly dropping the headset and controller thrown haphazardly in his general direction.

“What was that?”

“I said ‘I highly doubt it’,” Macaque deadpanned. “This won't be anywhere near as good as my game.”

“You have a game?” Wukong laughed, plopping back down on the sofa beside him. “Okay, that I have to play after you're done with this.”

Macaque let out a grumble but adjusted the headset before putting it on, slouching against Wukong's side as the game registered him in.

An avatar looking surprisingly like him loaded in on a dirt path, a chicken running out of a bush in front of him before glitching and dying.

“Wow. What a surprise, I was right, this game sucks,” Macaque huffed.

The king's tail flicked up to curl around the warrior's arm. “Aww, c'mon Mac, give it a chance at least.”

Macaque sighed but began to walk his character along the path, stopped only a second later as another character spawned in front of him.

“Welcome traveller, on your journey to the west!” The Monkey King greeted.

The background image switched so the character was pointing at himself. “As the Great Sage equal to Heaven, you couldn't ask for a better tutor.” The screen switched back to the first picture of him. “On your journey, you will learn to smite powerful enemies.”

God this was boring.

“After you complete the tutorials, you will learn how to access your hidden potential.”

Ugh, good, back to the overworld.

Now if he could just-

“Defeat each opponent to work your way up to the final boss, the Rhino King,” Monkey King said.

“Couldn't afford the rights for Demon Bull King?” Macaque joked, elbowing Wukong in the side.

“Nah, just seemed boring seeing as I already beat him.”

“Here are seventy two combos-”

Skip.

“Pay attention-”

Skip.

“Make many friends along the way,” Monkey King advised and Macaque tore off his headset.

“What the fuck is that background art?!” The shadow screamed.

The king grinned. “Flattering, right? You would not believe how quickly the game sold out.”

“That's atrocious!” Macaque shouted, hitting him on the head before putting the headset back on.

Yeah, no, he was skipping through all of this.

Eventually it let him go and unlock abilities.

“Hey, these are all passive,” Macaque pointed out.

“Just give it a moment,” Wukong instructed.

The monk on the screen sighed before it flicked to a different ability menu.

Macaque's eyes roved over the screen before he took off the headset.

“Really?”

“What?”

“A fucking muscle bro version of yourself in just pants taking up half the screen?” Macaque growled because it was very obvious why he was pissed.

Wukong smirked. “What? I think it's a good view.”

“Self obsessed asshole,” Macaque grumbled, trying to just focus on buying a couple of different attacks before giving up and handing the game controller and headset over to Wukong. “No, I can't do this, this is just something for you to admire yourself.”

“Fiiiiine,” Wukong groaned. “But I want to play your game now.”

Macaque opened up a shadow portal, sticking his arm in and rooting around. “Seriously though Wukong, are you trying to seduce the player or something?”

Wukong grinned slyly at him. “Are you saying I'm hot?”

Macaque's face screwed up. “...No.”

“That's it, the Six-eared Macaque thinks I'm hot!” Wukong shouted before getting up and racing to the entrance of his house and cupping his hands around his mouth. “The Six-eared Macaque thinks that Sun-Wukong, Great Sage equal to Heaven, is hot!”

“Shut up,” Macaque said, withdrawing his hand and tossing the game case to Wukong as he walked back over.

“It looks like it was made by a five year old mortal,” Wukong giggled but put the disc in anyway.

When the king settled back down on the sofa, the warrior stretched out, laying his upper body across his friend's lap.

“And what do you think you're doing?” Wukong questioned before slipping the headset on.

“Making myself comfy.”

“Yeah yeah, I'm gonna beat this game in minutes.”

A moment passed as the game loaded.

“Why does everything look like a crappy anime?” Wukong inquired.

“Fuck you.”

~•~

“This is the fourth time I've done this encounter and I still haven't beaten it!” Wukong whined, throwing the controller across the room.

“Aww, too hard for you?” Macaque teased, not even cracking open an eye.

“Pfft, n-no!” Wukong floundered, taking off the headset and putting it on the floor. “I'm just going to take a break.”

“Sure you are,” Macaque snorted, opening his eyes a sliver.

Wukong stared, stock still, not sure if Macaque had realised that the glamour over his eye was down.

The scar over that side of his face was still hidden, but mismatching gold and milk coloured eyes fixed a tired gaze on him.

“Staring is rude,” Macaque murmured.

Wukong blinked, looking away. “Yeah, sorry.”

Macaque sat up, stretching with a yawn, hoodie riding up his sides slightly and exposing the yellow shirt he had on underneath.

It was surprisingly nice to see Macaque in bright colours.

Wukong reached out a hand to skim over the dark fur that stuck up on one side of his head, smiling softly when Macaque didn't flinch away.

“Hey, are your ears okay?” Wukong suddenly asked.

Macaque turned to face him, eyes back to their glamoured gold again. “Huh?”

“Well we were at a pretty busy place for most of today so I was wondering whether it was hard on your ears.”

Macaque seemed to blush. “Oh, no, they're all okay.”

The king's hand dropped to skim closer to where another two pairs of ears had to be hidden on the warrior. “Can I see them again?”

Macaque's eyes went wide and Wukong quickly withdrew his hand. “I'm sorry, you don't have to-”

The glamours dropped.

Wukong couldn't help but stare at the hues of colour on Macaque's ears, having nearly forgotten them over the centuries.

But there they were again, still with such resplendent glory.

Moonlight shone through the window, catching the back of Macaque's face with rays of light that made him shine.

“Rude to stare,” Macaque repeated, seeming to curl in on himself slightly.

“You're beautiful,” Wukong murmured, trying to ingrain this in his memory.

Maybe then he would have something to keep when they eventually fought again.

And just like that the glamours were back up, hiding Macaque's appearance behind a facade.

“I- I should go,” Macaque stammered, standing up and conjuring a portal in the floor.

“No, Mac, wait, I'm sorry-”

Too late.

His warrior was gone again, leaving him alone again.

Wukong sighed and dropped his head against the back of the sofa. “Idiot.”

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life-is-more-than-just-a-game · 9 months ago

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Can you write a lovely fluff story between Arisu and female reader who loves get kissed, to get cuddled, to get touched from him (and maybe more) at night?🥰 Maybe something romantic with some kinda sexual parts

♠️ Late night closeness ♠️

A/N: Yo, I'm back and haven't forgot your request yet! As I said in one of my posts, I felt a little sick this one day so I used the next days to recover a little. Plus, I was at work thursday and friday until 6pm, so I was tired and exhausted to be honest. 😬

Nevertheless, here comes your desired story and I hope that you will like it even more. Now that it's finally out. 🫶🏻

Characters: Arisu

POV: fem!reader ; fluff ; slightly sexual content at the end!

Warnings: Includes slightly sexual content, but nothing excessive.

Late at night. To be more precise, it's the perfect time to go to sleep. Just like I always do. Apart from the fact that the surroundings are quiet and empty from dawn to dusk anyway, there is complete darkness all around us. One thing I can't stand since I've been in Borderland. The reason? The red laser beams that shine down from the sky to kill other people whose visas have run out. I know a few idiots who stay up late and look for a higher spot to watch the spectacle. Just to make sure how many will leave this world behind forever - and for sure - today.

Fortunately for me, I also know people who have similar thoughts to mine. People who don't want to see this happen. People who have enough common sense, empathy and decency to look the other way. Call it strength or call it gutlessness.

I want to sleep. Every day, even before the selection takes place. However, my thoughts, which are spinning endlessly in circles, are preventing me from doing so today. My eyes are closed. My back is turned to the window so that I am not even tempted to open my eyes. But as destiny wants it, this shall not be to my disadvantage.

It's a typical time for me to sleep. You lose track of time and space in here, but if I had to guess, it would probably be 10 pm by now. Maybe half past ten at night. So I'm not surprised that the mattress behind me lowers a little, that the blanket is lifted slightly and then gets straightened again. So that I too can enjoy a comfortable and peaceful night's sleep. Just as I deserve- at least according to Arisu.

Arisu and I ... we met here during a game and haven't gone our separate ways ever since. At least not directly. We rarely go to games together for fear that we'll end up in one where we have to kill each other. I know Arisu's story. I know what he's been through. And I don't want him to have to go through it again.

We always promise each other that we'll come back. That we'll meet again at the agreed meeting point and go back to sleep side by side in the evening. The only difference today is that I'm still awake and can therefore feel the dark-haired man snuggling up to me even better.

How he puts his arm around me and presses me closer to him so that my back is pressed tightly against his upper body. As if he's afraid someone might just take me away from him for the night. Or as if he was worried that I would just leave him alone in the middle of the night.

He does that often. Always, actually. Every night when I'm drifting off to sleep. And I like it. Arisu is a shy boy who has a lot of decency as well as respect. He would never do anything against my will or touch someone 'indecently' if he didn't know whether he was allowed to. And even if he was allowed to, he would find it difficult because he wouldn't know how to handle it.

I think he knows that I like this kind of closeness. I'm not sure, but if he pulls me into his arms while I'm sleeping, I think I'll have some reactions that approve of his actions. Be it a smile that creeps onto my lips. It's possible I'll turn towards him to nuzzle my face into the skin of his neck so I can be even closer to him. And then I remember that I once started to giggle a little when Arisu pressed kisses to my cheek, neck and shoulder. I remember, because ... he is doing it again.

"I love it when you try to show me your affection secretly, quietly and silently." As soon as he speaks, I notice how his head shoots up a little and his grip on me loosens. "Surprise, love." I take the chance to turn onto my back in the loose grasp of his arms so that I can see Arisu's face much better- it may be dark, but I don't miss the somewhat indignant look on his silhouette, which makes me laugh a little.

"I thought you were asleep!" he says confusedly, his eyes almost as big as the moon in the sky itself. "How much did you notice...?"

"Everything." Silence. "But I don't think that was enough." I smile up to him, stretching my face a little towards his so that I can give him a little peck on the lips, before staring at him for a second.

"Awkward."

"Awkward?", I asked, bursting into laughter. "What the fuck are calling awkward, Ryohei?! No, that's not!"

"I-It's just ... I thought you sleep, Y/N!" Now he starts giggling himself, so that both of us are just a laughing mess. "You can't pretend just to set a trap for me, that's not how it works!"

"Oh? But it worked very well, don't you think?" It takes a moment for us both to settle down again- until we're both quiet and just smiling to ourselves.

Shortly afterwards, Arisu tightens his grip again and presses me against him once more. He has turned sideways towards me and finally leans his head relaxed against mine. I do the same and start to stroke his arm up and down with one of my hands, while we just lie here together in silence, staring into emptiness. In the soft bed of the tower block that we have made our home for the night.

"I ... actually tried to fall asleep but failed this time." Arisu looks down on me while I look up to him. "It wasn't my plan to trap you, darling. But I have to say, I really do love it, when you cuddle me that much while I'm sleeping, Arisu. And you know, I would be happy when you keep doing this- it makes me feel protected and ... I feel safe in this creepy world when having you by my side." I assume that these words will overwhelm Arisu for a moment, as it's quite a lot at once and … well, very unexpected. "So … I'd be happy if you did that more often. Not just when I'm asleep, but also when I'm awake. I really enjoy your attention and your closeness, so … I think it would be nice if we could build on this ... intimacy." I know it might not be a good attitude.

This is not the world in which you would want to fall in love. We are not in the time warp where you are looking forward to the love of your life, where you want to fall for a person completely and carefree. Here in Borderland, it's a matter of life and death. That's why it might be wrong to tie yourself to one person- morally speaking. But if your heart is yearning and your head is in harmony with it, then it no longer feels as wrong as it really is.

"You know, this ... might getting dangerous, love?", he whispers, making me giving him back a quite "Of course" which makes him sigh a bit. "This … is not something one want to assume, but … you know, it can happen every day that one of us doesn't come back to the other." You can tell from his voice that he feels fear and pain at the thought, which makes me swallow hard- but again I only get out a whispered "I know ...", which should make him realize how seriously I meant what I said to him. "And yet you want me to consciously give you this intimacy?"

"Yes," I said, serious. "Because I love you, Ryohei." This is where I end my caresses on his arm.

Instead, I just look up at him, able to catch his eyes thanks to the light given off by the moon. I notice how his arms wrap around me even tighter in response and I catch myself clawing into the skin of his arm a little, but lightly enough to make sure there's no residue and that I don't accidentally hurt him. He nuzzles his face into my cheek and we close our eyes to enjoy the togetherness for a moment. To forget everything else for just a few seconds.

"I don't think that's something we can decide immediately, Arisu ..."

"There's no need to decide something, I guess." I open my eyes again, looking at him, giving a little "Huh?" right back, before I can catch a smile on his lips. "I ... I cannot deny that I ... like you and that I would very much like to continue to be close to you." I giggle.

"Come here." Without giving it a second thought, I swing myself on top of him and wrap my arms loosely around his neck.

His hands rest on my back from that point on and I make it quick: I pull him into a loving, passionate kiss. I know he needs a moment to realize what's going on, so … I give him the time. And only when he moves his lips against mine do I match his movements and deepen the kiss a little more, burying one of my hands in his mane so that I can push him a little closer to me.

A little later I wander with my lips to his neck, which he frees up for me a little bit by tilting his head to the side. Small kisses are spread over his thin skin before I reach his ear and whisper a soft "Touch me, Arisu ..." into it, making him blush, pretty sure.

"You want me to-"

"I see what you're up to, my love." I'm smiling. "Don't think about it … and just do it." Again I start to work his neck, which makes him hum happily before I add anything else. "When I was sleeping, you weren't afraid to go under my shirt, too." Now I'm laughing.

Because of his shocked "What?!". Because of his big eyes. Because he's a little freaked out all of a sudden.

"How much did you really notice when I thought you were sleeping all this time?!"

"I've been sleeping," I say, "but sometimes I've woken up and just let it pass over me with pleasure~."

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0008753 · 6 months ago

Text

I AM NOT YOUR FINAL GIRL, p2 . . .

[ * ] writing prompt ) : below, you will find a series of various prompts from claire c. holland's, i am not your final girl. these can also be altered as seen fit to better suit the characters in question. content warning: the following prompts may not be suitable for everyone as they contain references to violence, sex, blood, death, and murder.

"some women never adapt to walls that close in like grabbing hands." "it always begins with the good intentions of men." "like a leash, bringing me back to you by inches." "I have not learned how to be obedient." "I only hurt myself as much as you." "I am God and Punisher, Mary full of rage." "I can't exist in a way that comforts you." "it tugs at my ribs and yanks at a place where I keep my grief, hidden and warm above my belly." "you are callous, but I would not change you." "I want to hurt you. I want to offend." "if you follow into the thicket, don't forget to take up the ax." "tell me why I should mythologize this." "if we were able to evolve as we wished, women would all have wings." "you're in here with me." "they are harder to set apart than you know." "slip into my skin, hug it close to your bones." "you'll want to carry a weapon." "it's not the devil you need to worry about, but the devil you know." "your empathy. it's that sad, fragile, beautiful thing that will ruin you." "I know your thoughts." "together, we will remake the fragmented world." "don't you want to come with me?" "it's exhausting, all this." "I thought you liked loaded weapons." "you won't be right every time." "for once, I'll remake the world in my image." "I know you'll laugh, and it will feel like a slap to my jaw." "I will use all this against you, and you will not see it coming." "I am the person who goes back into the house because I cannot stand waiting on the lawn." "pick up this steel rod, clench it in both fists. " "I can't be preserved in this expectant state." "it is shocking, how easy it is to become the force that infiltrates, that brings the sad building plunging into ash. to join a lick of flame with air." "flesh on fire smells like something disoriented, a creature running blind." "this is the wake for all things lost." "there is no ending for me here." "you don't know it yet, but your world is shattered. " "are all of us daughters doomed to become our mothers?" "I'd rather arm myself in blood than be a pretty statue to stare at." "they don't like something that slips through their fingers like water." "hands can make cradles around bodies or throats." "a wound needs pressure to stop its overflowing." "so maybe this is how the world ends. not with a bang or a whimper, but with revolution. the promise of something new." "if I lay my hands on you, will you falter? dissolve beneath my palms and leave me gasping bare?" "grief is a wild dog snapping jaws alongside my neck." "if this is too savage and beautiful to bear, I'm sorry."

#sentence meme #rp sentence meme #rp sentence prompts #rp sentence starters #ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay prompts #writing prompt #original.

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suffarustuffaru · 5 months ago

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Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

#rezero #re:zero #felix argyle #ferris argyle #ask #once again gonna say that im not transfem so im not exactly 100% leading authority on this probably but these were just my two cents yeah!!#hope you have a good day/evening/night anon :3 ty for the ask! sorry i took a while to answer but i hope this made sense :D #felix <3 the character of all time fr i love him #my art

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chiharuhashibira · 1 year ago

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Here we go with our Part 5 finally ^^

I am thinking if I'll make a Part 6 of 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮 or no, but it depends on y'all loves and my magic plot bunnies.💓 In this chappy, I want to resolve one of Y/N's concern, sooooo this might all be about that, but I promise it'll be sweeter.

Taglist: @unofficialmuilover @sofilsworld @skeleton-the-gangser @ahashiraswife

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚅

𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐗 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐀𝐔)

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

Content Warnings: Curse words, Slightly Suggestive

"Here's your coffee..."

It has been a few days since you reconciled with Sanemi. It has also been a few days since you agreed to go out with him. Yes, this hot math teacher is now your boyfriend, and you adore him so much.

But despite this, both of you decided to hide it from the school for now. It's not that you're not proud of it. You just don't want the thought of other people invading your privacy. You are the total opposite of Mitsuri and Obanai, as the couple made it clear that they're together. Mostly, it's because Sanemi's friend is just too easy to get jealous of.

Oh well, Sanemi can easily be jealous, but both of you decided to keep it lowkey.

And yet, there are times that Sanemi can't keep his hands to himself. He would sneak kisses on your cheek when you were alone in the faculty room. He would even slip his hands under the table and entwine them with yours when he was sitting with you at lunch. Even if he acts harshly, he'll make sure to send you sweet text messages, which you never thought he'd do. He's too fluffy inside that facade.

Sanemi and you still haven't kissed on the lips. Surprisingly, the man easily gets flustered. Perhaps soon you will feel his lips, but perhaps it will happen if you initiate it.

You'll never know that Giyu is getting the hang of these. With the sudden closeness between you and Sanemi, your best friend knows that something is happening behind the curtains. But knowing your best friend, he's not the type of guy who'll intervene or ask too much, so he just lets you. And yes, Giyu is prepared to punch the hell out of Sanemi if he breaks your heart, despite the fact that he will not admit it. And the man will make sure that his scars double because of it.

You had this little mission in you to make your best friend and your boyfriend on good terms, but it seems like it isn't working. Giyu doesn't fight with Sanemi, but yes, the latter makes sure that the former hates him to the guts. There are times where Giyu will even ask you why Sanemi hates him so much, and even if you know the reason, you don't want to tell him, as your boyfriend might get madder at him.

"Thanks babe." You said this as Sanemi placed the coffee on your table. You were reading a history book while listening to your favourite song. Your boyfriend had decided that he would visit you for the first time, and that made you happy, so you let him. You want his company as much as you want to just cuddle with him, inhaling his minty scent.

Sanemi plopped down in the space beside you and draped his hands across your shoulders. "What are you reading, baby girl? I'm here already, yet you seem to still be busy."

Baby girl.You felt a tingle in your stomach as you heard this come out of Sanemi's mouth. You turned to look at him and placed your book on your lap. "Ooh, so the baby boy wants my attention?" You teased, pinching his cheeks, which made him roll his eyes.

"Stop calling me baby boy, babe. I can definitely put a baby inside of you now if I want to."

"What the heck!"

His words made you blush madly, so then you kicked him with your feet, which made him fall down the couch, laughing like crazy. Again, he is teasing you, which is somewhat amusing, but you are a little taken aback by his words.

"Idiot! I'm just kidding!" He said, massaging his butt as he stood up, still laughing from your reaction.

You were about to throw a pillow at him when, suddenly, your doorbell rang. Who might it be? As far as you know, it is Saturday, and no one has ever visited you before.

Unless it's... "Fuck it's Giyu." You muttered under your breath, which immediately made Sanemi look at you with a sudden annoyance plastered on his face. "The fuck? That asshole visits you?" He groaned and gave you an angry look that caused you to roll your eyes.

"Obviously, he is my best friend."

"Who cares? Just open the door!"

You sighed and walked towards the door. Yes. You know that Sanemi's jealous; that's why he started to throw a fit. Sanemi's somehow childish sometimes, and one of those moments is this one.

Ignoring your fuming boyfriend, you opened the door, and there Giyu stood, handing you a cake. "I bought this from Kamado-kun's bakery. It's your favourite." He says and that made you smile. "Thanks Tomioka-san. Why don't you come in?"

"WHAT IN THE HELL, Y/N?" Sanemi yelled from the living room when he heard you invite Giyu in.

The poor man blinked in surprise. His suspicion was confirmed. He had seen Sanemi's car parked near your house but decided to ignore it. But now it's all clear. "That's Shinazugawa-san's voice, right?" He asked you with his brotherly mode activated. "Uhhh... Tomioka-san—"

"Why are you here, Shinazugawa-san?"

Giyu entered the house, crossing his hands at Sanemi, who was sitting on your couch with a crossed leg.

"Why do you care? Tsk!" Sanemi blurted out, standing and crossing his arms at him as well.

"Uh guys..." You tried to intervene, but the two seemed to be in an intense staring contest. You can't deny that Sanemi looked so hot while glaring at Giyu, but of course, you pushed your thirsty thoughts away and went between them, raising your hands on their faces, which definitely shocked them.

"Hey idiots! Listen, okay? Please? Or I'll both kick you out of my house."

"What's happening then?" The two men asked in unison, and that made you sigh for the nth time.

You turned to look at Giyu, taking Sanemi's hand and holding it tight.

"Tomioka-san, Shinazugawa-san's my boyfriend."

"What? You hate me for that?"

Thirty minutes had passed, and the tension had faded. Thankfully. You never expected that in those thirty minutes, you could change the way your boyfriend looks at your best friend.

After you told Giyu that Sanemi was already your boyfriend, all his thoughts were confirmed. Even if he wanted to protect you that much, he also wants you to be happy, and Sanemi makes you happy right now, so he respects that.

Giyu went in front of Sanemi and bowed his head. "Please take care of my little sister. I know that she'll be in good hands when she's with you." He said that, claiming you as his little sister, which made you blush a bit. Sanemi blinked in confusion, telling Giyu to stop bowing to him. The ravenette man's remarks made your boyfriend blush as well.

And there, Giyu smiled at Sanemi for the first time. His kindest smile made all the coldness in Sanemi's heart melt. "Dude, stop grinning; that's spooky!" Your boyfriend said that, which made Giyu and you chuckle.

"Sanemi's just flustered at your cute smile, Tomioka-san."

"He surely is."

The teasing eventually became a conversation that finally led both men into this moment. Sanemi and you sat across from Giyu, with him slicing the cake for the three of you.

"Just to settle this, Tomioka, why on earth do you think you are different from us? I believe you're not fucking better than me."

Sanemi suddenly blurted out, seemingly curious about the reason behind the man's detachment. Giyu looked up at the man and blinked in confusion. "I never thought of that, Shinazugawa-san."

Sanemi gritted his teeth and slammed the table with his hands, which surprised you and Tomioka. "Why? Because you think I'm no good? The fuck, I'm gonna—"

"What? You hate me for that? You thought that I thought I was superior to you?"

Giyu sighed and crossed his arms. You patted Sanemi's back, trying to calm him down. Sanemi leaned back, crossing his legs again. No words came from his lips, and that gave you the chance to look at him. Even though he gets upset easily by things, he is still so adorable.

"I never thought of that. I even think all of you are a hundred times better than me; that's why I tend to say I don't belong there."

"Oh." Sanemi's tensed shoulder relaxed with his breathing. He looked at you, and you just gave him a smile, urging him to listen to Tomioka.

"Even back in high school. I saw how hardworking you are, so I always thought that you deserved to be noticed more. I wanted to be friends with you; I tried, but you hated me that much, so I just dealt with it."

You looked up at Sanemi and held his hand again. "That's why I always wondered why you all avoided Giyu so much. He's a great person. He acted as my brother when I lost my family in a car accident. He and Tsutako-sama took me in, and that's why I'm still in. But yeah, Giyu's not just a great talker, and I've been dealing with that all my life."

That's the first time that Sanemi heard about your family, and sadly, you've already lost them. Your lover looked at you with sadness in his eyes. Sanemi squeezed your hand and pulled you near him, giving you a warm side hug.

He wanted to know more about you, but one step at a time.

"Tomioka, look. I'm sorry, man. I misunderstood you." Sanemi let go of you, stood up, and bowed to your best friend. Tomioka blinked in shock once again but didn't do anything, as he doesn't know how to handle Sanemi at all.

"Shinazugawa-san, let's be friends."

You smiled at Giyu as he made your boyfriend blush, but the math teacher just hummed in agreement as he looked away, hiding his reddened face.

That day ended quickly, with Giyu leaving the both of you early and apologising for barging in and interrupting you. And yes, Sanemi was nicer to him. He'll still throw some curses and insults, but not like before.

And you watched them like a proud mother as Sanemi sent Giyu out the door, shaking his hand for the first time.

Sanemi went beside you after that, and both of you just decided to watch a movie together.

But yes, the night came, and you woke up on Sanemi's shoulder. He was staring at you, which made you blush hard.

"Baby, what's the matter?" You said, rubbing your eyes as you tried to compose yourself from the adorable sight in front of you.

"I love you." Sanemi muttered, and in a blink of an eye,you felt a warm but soft sensation on your lips. Realising that Sanemi had kissed you, your heart started to beat faster than before, and you felt like the heat on your body was quickly rising up.

Letting your emotions go, you wrapped your hands around Sanemi's neck, deepening the kiss that made the man chuckle as he slowly ran his tongue on your lips, asking for entrance.

Fuck, he's a great kisser.

You parted your lips a bit, and Sanemi took that as the chance to explore your mouth, your tongues fighting for dominance as his hands slowly wrapped around your waist, pulling you over his lap.

Drunk with passion, Sanemi pulled out for a breath, ironically taking your breath away with how flushed his look is. The man slowly came near you and whispered in your ear.

"How about I really put something inside you now? I think you'll love it, baby girl."

Shivers crawled across your skin as you heard those coming from his lips with his super-sexy voice. Sanemi placed his hands on your face, looking at you with eyes glistening with a mixture of passion and lust.

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"What do you think, Y/N, baby?"

𝑻𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅…

𝒀𝒐𝒖! 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌? 𝒀𝒆𝒔? 𝒀𝒆𝒔? 𝑯𝑨𝑯𝑨!

Oh my gosh~ I want it so much >.< Sanemi, so naughty!

Anyways, thank you for reading this chapter~ And good news, more chappies will come hahaha! My plot bunnies are awake soooo hihi ^^

Hope you'll also check my other stories! Send a request if you want me to tailor one, specifically for you fufufu~

Also, for easier navi, Imma put this here as well:

Thank you so much and see yah on the next part! Love yah!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

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