#can't pass for shit at the moment
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Rookie mistake is to believe your own character when they lie to your face.
That said, I don't think this is something that possibly could've happened as long as Roberts was still a part of the New Sequence. Her sense of self and identity were so tightly interwoven with her relationship to the Commodore, as his pseudo-son and the perfect Victorian officer following the Fall, that there was no way to extricate herself from that mindset. Even now, she thinks of herself with masculine language when thinking on that time and that relationship. No matter what happens, she was always his golden boy right up until his death. And only after she'd let go could she come to terms with who she is outside of that relationship, outside of her role in the navy.
I think the shift in her personality brought on by dawnburning may have also played a role in why this was buried so deeply. Dawnlight ego death had made Roberts more selfless, more focused on success of the group than any individual. She's had decades of practice at ignoring her own boundaries and own desires for the sake of the whole. Decades of habit she's still struggling to undo. What's one more voice? Especially when it's mumbling something she neither has the vocabulary nor experience to decipher. Easier to put on the uniform, the one she's expected to wear, because she has nothing else to put on.
Even now, she doesn't really have words for any of it. Roberts isn't entirely sure what she's doing. She's following impulse, trying to find what feels correct, what makes her happy. Her, and not anyone else. I'm not sure if she'd consider herself a woman at this point. She's deliberately not thinking about any of the implications, any of the conclusions, just what feels most right. And only time can tell where she'll go and what that journey will bring.
#roberts#man i did not expect this to be a thing i get actual real life emotions about#this egg cracked once the sediment had started to settle after the commodore's death#and it genuinely freaked me out a bit#'are you sure? are you absolutely sure about this?'#'you're in your 50s#just lost your job and your home for your entire adult life#have no friends or family or any sort of support network#can't pass for shit at the moment#and have a lifelong fear of being the butt of the joke'#'is this really the moment you choose to transition?'#apparently the answer is yes#i get secondhand anxiety thinking about it#but you know what#the road looks bright#she's figuring her shit out#this is the most peaceful tapping into 'roberts state of mind' has ever felt since her inception#and she's still utterly swagless and going to fuck things up#but they're going to be different fuck ups#and i'll be out here supporting and enabling womens wrongs
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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👍
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?”#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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imagine if vine was a thing in the early 2000s
imagine if they had vine on atlantis
#elizabeth bans the phrase 'do it for the vine' after 26 people end up in the infirmary after 3 days#rodney talking to john in passing: and they were ROOMATES#lorne to the table: oh my god they were roommates#markham and stackhouse in the kitchen at 230am dropping shit: hurricane katrina?? more like hurricane tortilla#the entirety of the pegasus galaxy at literally any given moment:#i dunno what the fuck just happeend but i dont really care imma get the fuck up out of here fuck this shit im out#tell me im wrong#that's right you can't#vine would've fucking KILLED in atlantis okay#vine#sga#stargate atlantis
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#my peculiar wife#i'm not rewatching speaking of sex atm i just found this in the vaults (my screenshot folder)#then again i might rewatch it today because i feel like shit and seeing him in such a..... state..... might improve matters#at least yesterday wasn't a total bust#and by that i mean i actually had a decent day yesterday which i haven't been able to say in ages#i left my cave and went to an estate sale where an incredibly attractive middle aged gentleman with silver hair let me have#these two big wooden roll top boxes full of cassettes (many of which are sealed blanks!) for five bucks.....#i haven't gone through them thoroughly yet but it looks like there's a lot of early appalachian gospel#can't go wrong there.........#the man kept calling me sir#sometimes it baffles me that i “”“pass”“” these days because my hair is so damn long and i keep my face clean shaven#so that's nice#with how depressed i've been sometimes i hate to acknowledge when i have a decent day or even a decent moment#because i almost superstitiously feel it will act as a magnet for my depression to swoop in and feed on it#and out of that fear my depression has developed this sort of..... personified stubbornness#where i both consciously and unconsciously avoid what might allow for an opening for “decent moments”.. pleasure.. joy.. whatever might#might grant me relief from pain even just for a moment etc#i don't know what i'm trying to describe here all i know is i feel trying to announce or acknowledge any sort of happiness i experience#feels like i'm directly endangering it#my brain is too scattered right now to try to articulate anything and i don't know why i'm doing so in the tags of a photo of#my peculiar wife james spader#just trying to exist again and not let myself be a hermit to the extent of harold smith which is very much the path i've been on for a long#long time#and i'm chipping away at that nonexistence in strange ways but chipping away nonetheless.......
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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he's HORRIBLE
#tm#all the bullshit she put up with from him for 10 years and she's late to a crime scene ONCE and look at him ffajdslk#as if you give one single shit about punctuality patrick; but this brings up a point that i can't believe i never considered in all my bs:#does patrick jane know how to be jealous? discuss#i mean...obviously he KNOWS but....does he though#at the very least he's exceedingly out of practice#of course we know next to nothing about his and angela's relationship but between that and this he's basically had 10+ years of red john#and we know lisbon dated during that time (and we know he DID get jealous because...obviously how could he not)#but not jealous in a way he could act on - in part because ms 'intense and particular' didn't seem to have many repeat dates#(idiots) but mainly because of the red john of it all#i doubt he realized it on any conscious level (and if he did he repressed/ignored the shit out of it)#but he couldn't see anything happening with them while he had red john hanging over his head#(tangent: all his 'you deserve a good man' 'he's a good man' later on...he really doesn't see himself as a good man does he#my poor little meow meow - thinking about naomi's tags about the letter again god i wish that had happened)#and she deserves better than that; deserves better than him (SOB); so he lets the hints and the moments of jealousy pass by#but now....well now there's no more red john#he's still got a LOT to work through but that gigantic weight is off his shoulders and there's been this shift between them#(i can't come up with a better way of saying it than) they're flirting like they mean it....not that they didn't before#but now there's this sense of actual possibility behind it; this could be going somewhere; it's slow but they're taking actual (baby) steps#and then pike shows up and the whole thing is imploding as they speak - like he knows from the second that cab pulls up#how her date went and she knows that he'd know and they're just talking around it and they're so AWKWARD where they'd been#working so well together (minus an airplane ride or two)#and now he's trying REAL hard to be supportive even though he probably wants to curl up and sob#because he wants her to be happy (more than maybe anything he wants her to be happy) and he couldn't make her as happy as pike#she deserves a GOOD man and that is not him; she shouldn't have to put her life on hold for him anymore she's done that too much already#but what he doesn't get - what he can't quite comprehend (what absolutely stuns/amazes/thrills him at the end of blue bird)#is he DOES make her happy; he IS a good man (he might be the best man she knows; flaws and all); and (in this instance)#she'd be more than willing to wait for him; to be patient with him#if he'd only let her know that there's something there to wait for; something concrete they could be heading towards together
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Me: it's late in the night and im really tired. i should sleep
-as soon as my head hits the pillow-
My brain: Wasn't there a calendar in the background in The Green Death? If so, what does the calendar show? Would it add to the Unit Dating Controversy? we must go check now!
#rambles#classic doctor who#unit dating controversy#my presentation on this topic has plagued my mind all holiday#it wont stop#i can't get a moment's rest#i also know that sarah says at some point that she's from the 80s#but apparently at some point she uses a unit pass that states its from the 70s#well i heard that anyway#but i can't find it so who knows#honestly - i was ready a week or so ago to chalk the whole controversy up to the brig being shit at maths and dates#(because it's funny - especially as he has a degree in maths and becomes a maths teacher)#but then like.. how do you explain characters giving various contradicting dates?#is everyone connected to the doctor bad at dates?#because being round a time traveller who can mix up time periods would eventually rub off on others?#but the UNIT era is so grounded to earth and to the now (and they cant go forgetting the date when they're a military organisation that has#to be at conferences and investigate things etc etc)#why am i trying to think logically about this?#i can't do that - for my own sanity#aaaaaaa
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You know what? I love my body actually. Fuck everyone that ever made me believe that the best i could ever get to was maybe tolerate it.
#love my hair despite being bullied for it and being told to straighten it countless times#i love my scars despite being told that i should be ashamed of them they tell my story even when i can't#i love my body hair despite being told that it was shameful too since the very moment i started growing it (fuck that bitch in particular)#i love my thighs and my tummy and i love my weight now that i allow myself to eat until I'm full#i love my nose nd i think my nose bump is actually it's best feature#i love my smile even if it's a little crooked bc that's what makes it unique#and i love my flat chest bc turns out I have that transmasc swag HELL YEAH Jandjdns#some bitches wasted their time trying to make me feel bad about that one bc it is a blessing for me#'you don't have any boobs' 🥹🥹🥹 promise?#and it's not technically my body but i've been wearing them 24/7 since i was 2 yo so i feel like i get a pass for this one anyways →#i fucking love my glasses they are nice and they make me look nerdy which is GOOD bc I AM a nerd#and I'm studying nerd shit and the nerd building with a bunch of other nerds#curly hair and glasses are hot af actually... change my mind
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i have an animatic i want to squeeze out of my head but i also want to fucking snap my neck already
#// vent#genuinely so fucking frustrating.. can i PLEASE just have this one moment#i've been up for so long and i can't sleep normally anymore because i'm such a fucking idiot#I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP. I HAVE TO DO SHIT (optional but in spite of that. I MUST)#i would never forgive myself for skimping on dailies again#AND MY ART? THE AMOUNT OF INSPO THAT PASSES THROUGH MY HEAD? it's all so cool and silly and i can never reach that level#i can't even fucking animate anymore what the hell
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Remembering this week how when I was little my dad burned together a mixed CD with the first song being Barbie Girl by Aqua and how me and my siblings used to beg him to play it every single time we were in the car.
Like imagine a six year old constantly singing this at the top of their lungs while having no idea what “hanky panky” is.
#i still have the cd dsfghfds it's safe with me#it's got 'driving mix' written on it and it is soo scratched up and old now even though we all take really good care of our cds!!#but grubby child hands cannot always be stopped#next time i see my dad i was going to ask him for a driving lesson. i'm 100% going to surprise him with the driving mix cd#the infamous cd...#wait now i'm trying to remember the order of the songs on this cd. just off the top of my head...#barbie girl. then come on eileen. then pass the dutchie#then 99 red balloons (english version) iirc#and many more dance beats from the 90s but i can't remember at the moment dfgfds#listening to come on eileen rn and feeling powerfully nostalgic holy SHIT
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it's odd looking back at all the things you wrote about someone
#it's such a weird sensation to realize that all these years have passed and the way i fundamentally feel about you hasn't changed#based on how rocky it was i expected something more torn and ambivalent#but that's not what i found. i saw constance in the way i felt about you#something that held true even as the world (our relationship included) transformed and evolved#and it got me thinking about your fear that we wouldn't work out because we never have#but... did we ever really try?#we were two sad scared lonely kids who came together in a world we were unprepared to face#and we had to go through our own separate journeys to become the adults capable of facing the world without needing each other#that's why this trip felt right to me#it felt earned. it wasn't like in the past where it felt forced because we were terrified of losing each other#we both knew what it was but i don't think it mattered#because by now— going through the shit each of us had to— we deserved the chance to be selfish and reckless and adventurous for once#because what the fuck else are your 20s for if not moments like those?#it felt so right because it would have been the reset we both needed#not for us. for ourselves. to recognize the factors in our lives that are making us unhappy and realize we deserve our own happiness#that's why i didn't have any firm expectations of what might come out of the trip. because i no longer needed it.#it was enough to know i would be sharing an experience with you and that whatever was meant to be would naturally happen#and regardless of how it went i could find peace in us knowing we no longer had to wonder 'what if?'#but this... this doesn't feel like the natural outcome. this doesn't feel like how it was meant to end.#the thing is you said this decision would make you happy#but i know you so well. you've been a part of my life so long that i know you in ways no one else could come close to#and i don't think this will make you happy#because your issues with yourself are not the same issues in your relationship#there's a reason you were unhappy before we reconnected#i know you have faults but i can't accept that's the problem here#because deep down you realize he doesn't treat you the way you deserve#and i want to be selfish. i want to fight you and tell you you're wrong and that i'd care for you the way he never will#but you say this decision will make you happy.#so when all i want is your happiness... what choice do i have but to respect your wishes#and pray that you realize before it's too late that it's always been us?
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i think the hardest thing about trauma that comes from the abuse you suffered by the hands of someone close to you is when as an adult you have to reconcile the past and all that hurt with the now...
#bc the now is better. not great but better#but i can't look him in the eyes bc all i see is his rage in the worst moments#when he hurt me with such a cruelty i'm never going to forget#and i was telling this to my therapist. it's hard for me to have a somewhat normal relationship with someone i can't ever look in the eyes#it's like. there's always going to be distance between us emotionally#and i mean - he hasn't changed. i've just put physical distance between us#and it's the best thing i've done even if being alone is hard bc god. the pain would've continued without any break. forever.#he beat me and threatened to violently kill me when i was well into my 20s and no one who said they'd help helped me and?#it was just gonna keep happening. even if years could pass between the moments of physical abuse it WAS gonna keep happening#and all the emotional psychological shit that was constant was never gonna stop either#and i think that also makes it hard to deal with having a different relationship now. that nothing's changed except i'm trying to be as#far away from it - from him as i can. which is not even very far. distance wise but also in terms of how often i go back#i think. i think i need more distance. but my family wouldn't get that. i mean. i can't talk to my mother about this#i love her but she's never actually protected me from it all. i don't resent her for it really it just makes me sad. i was alone#i think i would feel more at ease being around my father if i had to do it less often#sorry for the massive oversharing i needed to write this down#abuse tw#delete later
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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do
So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me
#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless#here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly#I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit#I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training#eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore#but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off#if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me#I'm trying my best and it's just not enough#and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have#but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her#she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries#I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of#but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action#and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared#I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour#it's just so so much#it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted#now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her#I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest#and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability#I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me#or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration#that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner#that's all#I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm#but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that#but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear
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#Been taking my meds as prescribed and have been on the edge of a panic attack for nearly 2 weeks now#My body is in a tremendous amount of pain#but I gotta pretend I am okay just to have people quit asking if I am okay. I am not but there is nothing to be done about it#the pain docs dgaf the bone docs dgaf the specialists dgaf#I can't even take mj to feel better because I am so allergic#and speaking of allergies I have been having what look like HIVES starting to appear randomly over my face and chest for these 2 weeks#istg if this is another fucking reaction to allergens I am just going to go meet the hatman and claim squatter's rights in his house#woke up from another passing out episode to be ravenous and had to make myself some eggs and rice#I added kimchi because there needs to be more daily veggies in this diet#Most days the meals have been a tsp of peanut butter; an applesauce or string cheese; whatever noodle; and eggs or tuna...sometimes chicken#But still they want to tell me I am eating too much daily somehow#I do also drink a fuckton of water daily#I am just so tired of these 8year experts seeing a short fat thing and immediately equating all my problems to fucking weight#something is wrong and nobody wants to look further into it#In the meantime I am going to be mentally unwell because my body feels like shattering glass under electrified water every waking moment#But sure! let me take on the responsibility of teaching 44 other households how to open an rtf file in a damn word processor#HOW TF do you get over 50 and have all problem solving skills drop out of your ass. God forbid I write simple instructions#and some asshole put out fliers on ageism near my apartment#Telling someone that they need to actually have the correct information before moving forward to do something is apparently disrespectful#I literally don't have to do anything for any of these people but they feel entitled to my time and energy because I am 30+ years younger#And they've been having kvetch sessions about who knows what in a room literally on the other side of my bedroom wall#I got shit to do in the morning so I hope to wake up somebody else tomorrow#wish me luck
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great news: editing yesterday still left me with some energy for writing!
questionable (maybe good?) news: it seems like every fic i keep working seems to be angling to be my first Very Straightforwardly E-rated fic that is simultaneously married, emo, tender, and a bit wild...
#okay well maybe just wild to *me* as someone never really posts very clearly NOT passing the hays codes kind of fics#but hey! no time like the present it's spring it's time to just post whatever i want and am writing!!#i can't be embarrassed anymore i've 1. made it through grad school with far worse shit in front of far more critical readers#and 2. .... i mean come on#any posting of this Kind of fic is inherently like I KNOW I K N O W OKAY SHHHH the joke is there i HEAR IT#but anyway :)) perhaps look forward to that brief moment in my fic writing career...#up for a week read it while it's Hot lol#del
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