#can't believe I wrote this
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Alex Keller NSFW headcanons
This was made with both masc and fem readers in mind. This man really has absolutely no content out there, so I'm here to provide for y'all 😎 Enjoy! (Also, sorry if this is a little dry. It's my first time posting headcanons ��)
(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.)
NSFW under the cut
-An absolute GOD at oral sex. He'll eat the pussy/suck dick as if he were famished
-Please smother him with your thighs when he eats you out/sucks you off. He'll be absolutely devastated if you don't. Doesn't care what your body type is, do it and he'll be happy for the rest of the week
"Fuckin smother me with those thighs, baby. What? No, no, don't you worry about me suffocating. If I do, then at least I'll die a happy man."
-And if you look at him with any hint of unamusement, he'll chuckle and kiss your inner thigh.
-Pays special attention to your clit/tip. He'll kiss at and slowly run his fingertips over it while complimenting your body.
-"Look at this pretty little pussy/cock, baby. So adorable."
-HEAVY on praise. Everything that falls from his mouth is either a moan or praise for you.
-"Aw, fuck, dolly. You're taking me so well. Such a good girl/boy."
-Prefers handjobs as opposed to head. Doesn't think you're bad at it or anything, just wants you to be able to respond to him when he talks.
-May not be big on head, but kiss his cock while your hands are wrapped around it and he might just cum right then and there.
-Not very kinky at all, but he may have a bit of a breeding kink ngl..
-Mostly because he actually wants kids. Whether you can have them or not, he'll beg to fill you up.
-Absolutely not a degrader. He'd feel way too bad.
-If you really begged him, he might try degrading you, but that'll all melt away in five seconds as he gently kisses your face in apology, even if you're getting into it.
"Oh, sunshine, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Just don't think I could degrade someone so gorgeous/handsome."
-Very vocal, but mostly with talking. He 100% talks you through it
"Lift your leg up a little bit for me, baby. There we go, good girl/boy."
-If you're insecure about your body in any way, he'll carefully run his fingertips over whatever's making you insecure while fingering/jerking you off in front of a mirror.
-"Look at that amazing body, sweetheart. Takes me so well, makes me cum everytime..so beautiful/handsome. How could you hate a body like that, hm?"
-"Hell you mean you're too chubby/skinny? You're the perfect size for me, darling."
-Kisses and caresses any scars, stretchmarks, birthmarks or anything else on your body you may feel self-conscious about.
-If you space out at any point, or if he just wants your eyes on him, he'll click his tongue to snap you out of your thoughts.
-Constantly asking if you're alright. If you ever start crying during the act, he'll stop in his tracks and fuss over you.
"Oh God, are you okay? Did I hurt you, sunshine? Too rough?"
-Then when you convince him that you were just crying because of how good he's fucking you, he sighs in relief and chuckles a little.
"Silly girl/boy. Had me all scared for a sec."
-Will leave hickeys on you and will let you do it to him, but always somewhere noone else will see. You're his precious dolly, afterall. Why would Alex ever embarass you over making those marks visible?
-Besides, with the way he's got his arm snaked around your waist in public, everyone knows you're his
-Leaves hickeys on your chest, thighs and stomach (will definitely leave more on your thighs/belly if you're chubbier.)
-Tickles your neck with his facial hair on purpose and smirks when it makes you giggle.
-Has a lighthearted mindset about sex. Not opposed to making jokes and giggling during, before or after the act. As long as you're both feeling good, he's happy.
-Tells you that your pussy/dick/ass is the best in the world. Genuinely can't get enough of it.
"Shit, baby. This fuckin' pussy/ass is gonna make me cum..you wanna make me cum, baby? Yeah? Keep riding me then..just like that."
-Favorite positions are ones where you're on his lap. It feels so intimate and loving, the way he can feel your grip tighten on his shoulders and see every reaction you make as his cock smoothly fucks you.
-Mostly quite gentle. Will go harder if you want, but he's very cautious not to hurt you at all.
-Can easily be top or bottom. Just depends on his partner wants. If you're a top? He'll gladly let you do whatever you want. Bottom? He'll take care of all your needs and desires. Switch? He's happy to flip-flop around until you're happy.
-Makes you use your words. Rarely does things without you begging for it beforehand.
-"Come on, darling. You know you have to beg for what you want."
-Honestly a bit of a teaser. He'll get a big smirk on his face when you just whine to get fucked instead of asking properly. Clicks his tongue and gives a super dramatic shake of his head
-"Oh, baby doll. That's not how we ask for things. Speak up, love. Loud and clear."
- Can't deny you for long, though. The moment you beg he's all over you.
-Big on eye contact. Will turn your face towards him and give you his best puppy dog eyes until your eyes stay on him
-Your pleasure always comes first
-4 inches soft, 6 inches hard and fat asf (lord have mercy 🙏🙏)
-Aftercare is just as good as the sex. He'll run a warm bath/shower either you alone or the both of you and carefully wash whatever he can reach while sitting behind you.
-"You did great, baby. You alright? Not sore, are ya?" "Good, good. My perfect princess/prince."
-Then when you're both done washing up, you'd better drag your ass back to bed for one (or more) of the following:
-#1: Cuddles
-#2: Movie/show marathon
-#3: Round 2 >:)
My first headcanons done! I'm sure y'all can tell that I'm an Alex girlie but honestly this man is so FINE 😫 how can I not be? I'll def make some SFW and Alex x chubby reader headcanons later, dw.
Let me know who I should do next!
#alex keller#alex keller cod#call of duty#cod x reader#cod modern warfare#alex keller x reader#alex keller x you#alex keller x male reader#alex keller x y/n#alex keller x f!reader#alex keller smut#cod smut#god help us all#i'm a disappointment to my parents#can't believe I wrote this#this man is so fine#😫#nsfw.
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As someone who's about to work in biology research, I can't stay silent about the Frontiers AI rat penis event.
LOOK AT HIM

WARNING: LONG AF. STRAP YOURSELVES IN, WITCHES!
I'll explain in detail, in a way that's accessible for non-scientists, everything that's wrong with this. Recently, a scientific article with AI generated figures was published in the journal "Frontiers in cell and developmental biology".
Here's the link to download this (now retracted) article in PDF.
(disclamer: I am a master's student in neuroscience with a bachelor's in biology, so, definitely not a rat ball specialist, and I have never published anything)
Context
This is a review article about the relationship between rat ball cells and a signalling pathway that happens inside cells.
What's a review article? It's an article that is meant to summarise everything we know about a certain topic, based on recent research articles. This means that the authors of a review don't conduct any experiments: they gather information from people who did. It sounds easy but it's not. They have to piece together a very complex puzzle. Sometimes an article says that molecule A interacts with molecule B and gives you such and such effects, but in another article they say they haven't found any effect in particular of molecules A and B, and a third article will tell you that the effect exists in cell cultures but not in an actual animal because molecule C is also there... And there are dozens and dozens of articles they have to sift through, dissect, evaluate etc. And then they have to make sense of that whole hoopla. And then they have to explain it to everyone.
BUT. A review is probably the easiest type of scientific article to fake. Because for a research article, you have to conduct actual experiments and provide results. For a meta-analysis, you will come under great scruitiny because they are expected to be very reliable and when a new meta-analysis drops, the hype in the field is big. People will see through it in seconds. But a bullshit review? People are not as interested in picking apart reviews, because there are no experimental results directly shown in them, no statistical calculations or criteria to criticise etc. It's almost all text. You can AI generate text. You can write lazily and it will still have the appearance of a review from afar.
However, a review has figures. The figures are meant to illustrate the mechanisms of the phenomena described in the review. Usually, those are very clean, easy to understand even for non-specialists, they are your best friend when you're not too sure what's going in this wall of text and you want to get the gist. Review figures are good educational tools, so you need to have a good understanding of the topic and be concise to make a good review figure. You can't fake that with AI.
In order to publish a review, just like any other scientific article, you have to submit it to a scientific journal. You have to format your article exaclty according to the journal's criteria, (and if you were wondering, no you don't get paid for doing the journal's job for them, nor do you get paid for providing them content you took years to produce, in fact you have to pay them, the journal, thousands of dollars). Your article will then go through several rounds of selection and revisions. First the journal will decide whether or not your article is relevant to their area of expertise (like, if you try to publish a paper on quantum mechanics to the journal "Poultry Science", it will not work, no matter if you're better than Einstein and Hawking combined). Then they'll decide whether or not your article is interesting enough to them. If it is, they will send your article to reviewers (usually 2, sometimes 3). Reviewers are researchers who are knowledgeable about the topic you're covering in your article. They're usually anonymous, they shouldn't be associated with the journal and they don't get paid by the journal for reviewing the paper (this is to guarantee neutrality, but still it's work to review an article and they don't get paid). The reviewers will suggest modifications to the paper, ask for clarifications etc. You change your paper, they give their suggestions again, you change your paper again... Then after this back and forth is done, if everyone is satisfied, your article can get published. I'd like to emphasize that in a decent journal, it almost never happens that a paper gets accepted right away without any rounds of corrections. Most of the time, reviewers get real nitpicky and I've had professors complain that they'll sometimes freak out over every single comma. This is what the term "peer-reviewed" means. Other researchers in the field have to critique your paper before it even comes out, and after it comes out, every other scientist who reads your paper can critique your paper. Some say the real peer review starts after publication, because then everyone in the scientific community can pick your article apart and determine how relevant it actually is by deciding whether or not to cite it in their own works.
The journal this article was published in, Frontiers in cell and developmental biology, is not the most prestigious, but it is (or was, I guess) still rather reputable with an impact factor of 5. The impact factor is a score that evaluates the quality of a journal based on how many times their articles were cited as references in other articles. To give you an idea, here are the 2023 impact factors of the biggest journals in biology:
Science: 57
Nature: 65
Cell: 65
The average impact factor for all scientific journals is under 1, because there are a lot of shit journals out here. Journals are businesses that can be very low effort to set up, so the quality journals are actually few. An impact factor above 10 means business, that's some shit you can brag about. 5 is not super glorious but it's decent.
Frontiers is not just one journal but a group of journals, each specialised in one topic (Frontiers in Immunology, Frontiers in Surgery, etc) each with their own impact factor.
Where did shit go wrong?
I don't know what the fuck went through the authors' heads. Was this a troll? Were they serious?? Anyway let's start with the funniest and most visible part.
The figures
Figure 1

Do I really need to explain? These aren't real body parts. These aren't even words. Shoutout to "rat", the only correct part of this figure. The caption says just about nothing.
This is the image that went viral because... Of course. It's a massive rat dick and balls. But the other figures aren't any better.
Figure 2

This is supposed to represent the JAK-STAT intracellular pathway. JAK and STAT are proteins, and this is supposed to represent how their activation impacts other molecules inside the cell. As you can see, again, not a single real word on that figure, this represents absolutely nothing. You can clearly see that the authors gave the AI image generator "JAK-STAT pathway" as a prompt because every single thing on this image is labelled as some variation of JAK or STAT. Which is pretty funny. Another thing I find hilarious is that the caption underneath the figure is actually a correct description of the JAK-STAT pathway, which leads me to think it was written by a human. For reference here's an actual diagram that represents this pathway rather simply (by Adriana Gutiérrez-Hoya and Isabel Soto-Cruz)
Source
Figure 3

Again, no real words, just a bunch of balls and circles without any meaning. I can't speak about whether or not the caption makes any sense because I'm not too well versed in the topic. Special shoutout to the beautiful word "IMMOUMINOMUDUODIUILATIUCATON" in figure E. I think that was an attempt at saying "immunomodulation".
The content of the text
This review attempts to summarise the current knowledge on spermatogonial stem cells in relation to the JAK-STAT pathway. Spermatogonial stem cells are self-renewing cells located in testicles that allow for continuous production of sperm cells throughout a male mammal's whole adult life. The JAK-STAT pathway is a cellular signaling pathway. What this means, in simple terms, is basically a cascade of proteins inside a cell that talk to each other to say shit like "hey hey hey have you heard that there's a bunch of [X] molecule outside?? We better do something about it." And then they do something about it.
As I've said before I'm not an expert in this area at all. I vaguely know the JAK-STAT pathway, the structure of testicles, and what stem cells do, but it stops there. I do want to discuss the content of this article though, because I haven't seen anyone do it yet and I wish an expert in the field would tell us what the content of that review is really worth.
There are some things that do seem fishy in here. First of all, when I first read the abstract, I was convinced that the whole article was AI generated because it looked like a succession of buzzwords. Turns out, the captions of the figures make sense and the text seems somewhat coherent. I would tend to say it was written by people, albeit in a very boring and unclear way. Then I went to the references to check if they were real. It turns out, at least the references are real articles.
I will not speak on the validity of the claims made in the article because I'm not knowledgeable enough. I've checked some references at random though, and sometimes, they are only very very loosely related to the claim in the review that they're supposed to illustrate, or sometimes just unrelated.
Example: at the beginning of page 7, you can read "miR-34c activates the JAK2/STAT3 pathway, implicated in germ cell generation and SSC differentiation (Clotaire et al., 2018)." When you go to that 2018 reference, you find out that this paper is not about miR-34c (it's not even mentioned once in that article). It's about another miRNA called miR-19b-3p. I've checked, they are 2 completely different miRNAs. They're not even coded on the same chromosome ffs. The article barely mentions JAK2 and the few times it does mention JAK2, there is no significant result showing any activation of JAK2.
Other example: at several points throughout the review, the authors claim that spermatogonial stem cells have an important immunomodulatory role. I haven't found literature supporting this claim anywhere. The one reference that the authors linked to this claim was absolutely not about immunomodulation, it was about reprogramming spermatogonial stem cells into neurons. What I did find, is several mentions of Sertoli cells (another type of cell present in testicles) having an immunomodulatory role.
Literally a case of [citation needed]. If there is one place where you have to have proper citations, it has to be a review article. This seems like some top tier laziness. I kind of doubt myself because I don't want to believe that someone would make a review where they don't source their information. I want to believe that I understood their reference articles wrong. But for real, check for yourself if you know a bit about biology. I don't think I'm wrong here.
I will not dive further into the content but tell me if y'all are interested. I will read up on rat balls to try and see if there is more bullshit in here, section by section, if you want me to.
The authors
The lovely individuals behind this review are Xinyu Guo, Liang Dong, and Dingjun Hao. All three are part of the Department of Spine Surgery in Xi'an Honghui hospital in China.
Because I don't speak chinese, and because it's common for hundreds or even thousands of people to have the exact same name in China, and because chinese social media is isolated from the rest of the world, it was hard for me to find information about these people.
All I can think is, what were they thinking??
First of all, what are y'all spine surgeons doing writing about rat balls?
First author - Xinyu Guo
For context, the first author is the person who contributed the most to the paper.
It's hard to find information about this person due to a lot of homonyms. However I was able to find 4 other articles from them on ResearchGate, which were about spinal cord injury, the JAK-STAT pathway, and one about reprogramming spermatogonial stem cells into neural-like cells in order to transplant them and help with recovery after spinal cord injury. So I guess that's why they're interested in rat balls. Kind of makes sense, but it looks like spermatogonial sperm cells could be a tool that they use in their research, and not their actual area of expertise which is, ya know. Spines. They seem knowledgeable about spines. I've also found their name in articles that were reports of medical cases and treatments for spinal injuries. I haven't found any online accounts related to this person, even on "scientist" social media like ResearchGate. My hypothesis is that this is a medical doctor turned researcher who got into using stem cells.
I did find this person as a reviewer for a paper in Frontiers in Immunology. If they're also in the field of immunology, that might explain why the review was so adamant that these spermatogonial stem cells have a role in immunomodulation...
Anyway, it doesn't seem very wise to have someone who is not specialised in stem cells to be the main author of a review about stem cells.
Second author - Liang Dong
Again, all I can find on that person is about spines and how to fix them. Articles associated with them are related to spinal cord injuries, spine surgeries, reports about medical cases and treatment efficiency etc. Nothing related to stem cells, except that one fateful review. No social media accounts either that I could find.
Third and last author - Dingjun Hao
Another Mister Spine. An experienced and prestigious one, even. He is (or was, I'm unsure) the president of the spinal surgery department of the hospital all three authors work at. He was also an author on many other papers, including those I found with the first author, so he did read the term spermatogonial stem cells at some point in his life it seems. But with his rhythm of publication (sometimes more than 10 papers a year), there is simply no way he is putting much effort in all of these papers. It seems like he is an old renowned professor, director of such and such department, who gets almost automatically added as an author in all of his colleagues' papers. I doubt he contributed a significant amount to this review. There's even a chance he hasn't read it.
He has been a reviewer for another journal of Frontiers, Frontiers in Surgery. He reviewed various papers on spinal injuries, which is fair enough because it's his area of expertise.
This time though, I got some more fun details. Interestingly, I found this from the website of Honghui hospital:

Looks like our friend won a great prize from the chinese government for his scientific work! Congrats! I'm sure that this botched review and the associated global backlash will not affect his relationship with the chinese government at all!
Overall, it seems like the authors are indeed spine surgeons, probably good ones, but not researchers specialised in stem cells or cellular singaling pathways.
This leads me to think that this review was not a troll at all. The likely scenario, in my opinion, is that, since all institutions need to publish articles to stay relevant (the age old slogan, publish or perish), the first two authors were asked to write a review and did so in a rush, about a topic they're vaguely familiar with. They didn't have anyone available to make cool looking figures, so they resorted to using AI at the last minute. It turned out terrible but they still tried to publish it in a not so prestigious journal, and somehow succeeded. They probably thought nobody would notice because no one would care enough to read it (and fair enough it is boring as hell).
The last author likely just has his name on there because he's the head of the department they work at, and these guys always get the last author spot by default. They're not necessarily very involved in the paper because they don't have time, but it benefits them by inflating their publication count.
The reviewers/the journal
With the way the figures look, there is absolutely no way a reviewer even looked at this paper and gave a favorable opinion. Point blank. Even an editor with very little scientific knowledge would have screamed seeing this. So what happened here?
After retracting the paper, just a few days after the publication, Frontiers released a statement in which they say:
"Our investigation revealed that one of the reviewers raised valid concerns about the figures and requested author revisions. The authors failed to respond to these requests. We are investigating how our processes failed to act on the lack of author compliance with the reviewers' requirements."
It seems like one reviewer (why just one??) raised concerns, somehow their opinion was not taken into account, and the editor still chose to publish without the reviewer's accord which is a huge no-no (means the paper is not in fact peer reviewed).
In a Vice article, one of the two reviewers, Jingbo Dai, (probably the one who didn't raise concerns, as you can tell from his detached attitude) said:
"As a biomedical researcher, I only review the paper based on its scientific aspects. For the AI-generated figures, since the author cited Midjourney, it's the publisher's responsibility to make the decision," Dai said. "You should contact Frontiers about their policy of AI-generated figures."
This is utter bullshit, because the figures are 100% part of the review, they are a "scientific aspect", and if they are inaccurate it's totally the reviewer's job to call them out. This guy simply doesn't give a shit. He shouldn't have accepted to review this paper if he didn't want to bother doing the bare minimum. If by "scientific aspects" he means the text, had he checked the references, he would have noticed some shit to fix as well.
Basically, what happened is that at least one reviewer didn't do his job, the editors flat out didn't look at what they published, and they only bothered looking at it when the backlash started. A nice chain of incompetence.
Conclusion
What does this mean for the scientific community?
It's important to note that the reason this article was even retracted is thanks to online backlash from the scientific community. What corrects science? More science. Better science. Not your aunt who "did her own research" on Young Living's facebook page.
Many in the scientific community are now more than ever highly critical of Frontiers, saying they will never publish in or review for them. The reputation of the journal is severely tarnished in the eyes of many, and one can hope that this will make editors look twice before they publish bullshit.
This may or may not be a career-ending mistake for the authors as well. We will see in the following weeks or months if they get to keep their jobs. They might not be able to publish in scientific papers ever again due to bad reputation. But I don't think they will have to stop their work as surgeons, since this is a completely different activity.
For me, this whole ordeal is a reminder that scientific journals are, first and foremost, businesses. Ultimately, they don't give a shit if what they publish is true. They only pretend to care about scientific integrity to maintain their reputation.
I hope that this will also encourage co-authors, especially senior researchers who get the last author spot by default, to be more cautious about what kind of papers they're willing to put their name on. And I hope this encourages institutions to lower their push for their researchers and doctors to publish publish publish no matter the quality, just so they can flex how many papers came out of their institution.
If anyone actually read this entire thing, thank you so much. I am very grateful that you found my rant good enough to read. If you have any additional information or corrections, please share them! Because this is just something a master's kid wrote in a boring afternoon, so there might be some errors. Have a nice day and uh... stay sciencing
#rat penis scandal#science#stem cell research#biology#frontiers#research#scientific research#can't believe I wrote this#long post#deep dive#scientific scandal
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Spoilers...
Justin took a worried glance towards you. What the fuck was going on?
Your phone vibrates rapidly in your hand again, signaling multiple notifications coming in and you finally unlock your phone to look at them. Your heart nearly drops out of your chest as you read your phone screen:
Instagram 1,702,083 New Notifications
X 289,546,024 New Notifications
Tumblr 4,789 New Notifications
Threads 947,821 New Notifications
TikTok 4,027,872 New Notifications
23 Missed Calls
173 New Text Messages
1 New Voicemail from Bash 💕
You hope your face expresses ‘What the actual fuck is going on?’ as you looked back at Justin speechless...
Coming soon...
#fan fiction#fan fic#justin timberlake#justin timberlake x reader#x reader#read on ao3#coming soon#ff#nsync#nsync forever#nsync fan fiction#justin timberlake fan fiction#ao3 author#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#can't believe i wrote this#hope you like it
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boops might be gone but the experience will stay with me forever
#sth#sth fanart#Sonic The Hedgehog#Shadow The Hedgehog#sonadow#if you squint. I think#since these idiots won't leave me alone I started doing these a little bit before the boop feature was no more#I also wrote down a followup but I'm debating on whether to do it or nah#idk#caguaydraws#I can't believe *these* are the first sonic drawings from me to see the light of day out of anything else#fuck it let's roll#boop
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See if I was in a secret gay relationship with my best friend and I hadn't even told my FAMILY I was gay yet.... I just don't think I would write gay fanfiction about my best friend becoming a vampire and pushing me up against a tree and killing me.... and then publish it and narrate it on youtube
Like honestly top thing I would not do in the year 2015
Good thing no one's ever done this before and it's just a hypothetical
#rehks rants#see I dont think I would do it even for press on the youtube book I wrote with my youtube gay partner best friend#phan#daniel howell#can't believe he didnt even acknowledge it in basically im gay#god I just realized phil's buffy thing too dan's wittle buffy au
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Izuna's response to Tobirama's code of conduct.
A continuation of this post.
#uchiha izuna#senju tobirama#tobiizu#beemosketches#them and their adventures#comic post#undercover newlyweds au#i can't believe i actually wrote out this entire dialogue and thought “huh yknow what i think i will draw the ENTIRE CONVERSATION”#like a clown
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When you think about it Euron Greyjoy is actually the villain of all time, GRRM's magnum opus. He opens his eyes to the world and decides sibling abuse is gonna be his thing for a while. He fucks his brother's wife, gets exiled for it, fucks off to god knows where. Then allegedly finds a dragon egg, tries to get a wizard to hatch it, gets mad, randomly throws it into the sea. Commits war crimes, captures warlocks, makes them cannibalize each other for shits and giggles. Steals a dragon horn. DEMOCRATICALLY GETS ELECTED KING. Raids a man's castle, ties up the man, sees his daughter who goes "hey my step mom and step siblings suck strip them naked and make them serve dinner to ur men like that" and he goes "ok." and then is like "hey that was fun im gonna like kinda marry you and make you my salt wife". But she will be his SALT wife (she actually wont he will literally CUT her tongue bcs he evil) bcs he literally thinks oh yes i will marry daenerys and then tame a dragon using my dragonhorn and conquer westeros on dragonback aegon-style. He gets fucked up on shade of the evening daily, sees hallucinations and visions and plans on summoning eldritch horrors. He is an edgy pirate with a ship called "silence" bcs he fucking tore out the tongues of his entire crew and the ship is painted red so it conceals the BLOOD. Martin went "i have enough morally grey antagonists" and then created euron fucking greyjoy.
#euron greyjoy#house greyjoy#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#got#can't believe how badly d&d ruined him#ironborn#i wrote this at 3am#last night#falia flowers#valyrianscrolls#game of thrones
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garlic

word count: 1.4k synopsis: in which sylus feeds you too much garlic. contains: sylus x reader (doesn't have to be mc, gender neutral), an obscene amount of garlic (slight crack fic), mentions of cooking, eating, and love of food, suggestive at the end, and cussing. a/n: i was rewatching wgm the other day and the male star did this to the female star. couldn't help but feel inspired to write this for sylus since he would totally tease us. do NOT copy or translate my work. sylus does NOT endorse plagiarism. reblogs and comments always appreciated :)

you love sylus' cooking. even before you started dating, you always thought his cooking was immaculate—so immaculate you can't help but wonder why he even had a private chef. rich people shenanigans, you like to conclude. you also wonder if rich people put a lot of garlic in their food. because there are a shit ton of garlic slices on the linguine pasta sylus just served you.
by no means are you a picky eater. heck, you love garlic. it's a blessing to humankind. garlic bread, fried rice, pesto, you name it. so many foods have garlic in them, and you enjoy all of them. but this? this was way too much.
sylus raises a brow as he sits next to you, wondering why you haven't picked up your fork yet. "something wrong, sweetie?"
"what's with the garlic, sylus?" you turn to face him, leaning back in the leather high chair.
he looks at your plate, then back at you. "is there something wrong with the garlic?" picking up his own fork, he goes to inspect your food. you stop him by holding his wrist.
"no," you shake your head, laughing a little. "it's just... this is a LOT of garlic." you nudge your head towards the incredibly noticeable pile of garlic slices. "did the tutorial really call for this much?"
sylus chuckles, returning to his own plate. meticulously, he twirls the pasta with his fork, leaving you to admire his sturdy forearms. not only do you love sylus' cooking, but you also love WHEN he cooks. why? because this absolute godsend, silver-haired, ruby-eyed, strong-nosed, supple-lipped, and deep-voiced of a man rolls up his sleeves when he cooks. his veins protrude and his muscles flex whenever he chops some vegetables with a knife. you don't pity the buttons that hold on for dear life to keep his sleeves together whenever he maneuvers a pan. resting an elbow on the kitchen island, you set your head on your hand to admire the current view.
you're taken aback when sylus holds up his fork to your mouth. normally, you would gush at such an action. the ruthless and relentless head of onychinus, offering YOU the first bite of HIS food. oh, you would happily accept, eager to taste absolute heaven in your mouth because sylus always makes great food. but, this time, you frown, noticing the mini TOWER of garlic slices on top of the noodles wrapped around his fork.
"i didn't take you for a picky eater, sweetie." sylus teases as he tilts his head. your jaw drops, flabbergasted by such an accusation. not that there's anything wrong with being a picky eater; it's just that sylus should know you by now. he's cooked for you plenty of times before. he's seen you eat plenty of times before. he should know by now you generally enjoy most food, and it takes a lot for you to even hesitate to pick up a utensil.
"i'm not picky," you cross your arms, a slight pout forming on your lips. "there's just too much garlic."
"there's no such thing as too much garlic," sylus quips. as if to further prove his point, he lifts the fork closer to your mouth. you begrudgingly accept, not without giving him a look, of course, because only you would accept a mouthful of garlic offered by sylus himself.
it's not necessarily bad. that's the first thought you have when you close your mouth. except you immediately change your mind after you bite down. holy shit, it's just straight garlic. you grimace, immediately uncrossing your arms to cover your mouth. you can't even taste the linguine. groaning, you try not to spit out the food. no matter how bad a dish may be, you wholeheartedly believe it's rude to spit it out in front of the person who made it. furthermore, this was sylus we're talking about; you're fricking boyfriend. you scrunch your shoulders as you painfully swallow, instantly reaching over the counter for a glass of water. after you relieve your mouth of garlic hell (it didn't help at all), you face sylus, glaring at him with all your might.
"that's too much garlic!" you snap, using one hand to slap sylus' shoulder and another to cover your mouth, overwhelmed by the smell. trying to ignore sylus' snickers, you drink more water. this motherfucker dares to laugh at your agony. you swear the next time he calls you over for some parmesan garlic linguine, you're going to tell him to shove a garlic braid up his ass.
"oh come on, sweetie," sylus jests as he twirls some more noodles with his fork before offering them to you again. "it can't be that bad."
you look at him with wide eyes. there's no way he's serious right now. "why don't YOU try then?"
"gladly," sylus says smugly. he takes a bite and lets out an obnoxious "mmm!" you scoff when he goes back for a second bite, unable to believe the audacity he has.
"there's no way it tastes that good," you say as you jerk your head away, determined to stay mad at him. "you just want to flatter your cooking."
"you're missing out," sylus says nonchalantly as he takes another bite. "besides, garlic is good for your health. it can provide a lot of strength. in fact, laborers were fed garlic back then, so they could have enough stamina. "
you roll your eyes. of course, he brings health into this. not that there's nothing wrong with it. you actually admire how much sylus takes care of himself. he's quite the competent man. but you know what he's doing. he's making fun of you. your eyes can't help but twitch as you look down at your plate. good for your health, my ass. no way an entire plate (sylus has massive plates by the way) topped with heaps of garlic is good for anyone. not even five serving spoons can rid your plate of its garlic slices.
suddenly, you get an idea.
"hey, sylus," you say as you reach over the counter for the serving spoon he used earlier to serve your plate. "since you like your linguine soooo much, mind if i feed you?"
sylus doesn't look up from his plate, clearly too occupied with his own making. "sure, sweetie."
you giggle, setting the spoon against the edge of your plate before scraping only the garlic slices onto it. given how much garlic there was, it doesn't take long for you to fill the giant spoon with it—garlic and garlic only.
"don't do that."
"don't do what?" you don't stop scraping.
"that," sylus answers as he warily eyes the spoon your hand is now holding up to his face. that was, indeed, too much garlic.
"come onnnn," it's your turn to tease. "there's no such thing as too much garlic, right? besides, it's good for your health. what good is the head of onychinus if he doesn't have enough stamina?"
"i have plenty of stamina," sylus insists. "and that," he juts his chin towards the spoon, "is too much stamina."
you snort as you nudge the spoon closer, ignoring him entirely. "say ah! eat and gain lots of stamina! you need it!" you chirp as you lift your free hand and extend it underneath the spoon, hoping to catch any stray slices.
sylus' eyes flicker from the spoon to your face. he leans in, acting as if he's going to listen to you. though, not before asking, "where will i use all this stamina? will you use it with me?"
you choke, immediately retracting the spoon. "what?!" you dump all of the garlic back onto the plate, avoiding the amused look on sylus' face and also the imagery of exciting... stamina-related activities involving him. "pervert," you grumble, a rosy hue appearing on your cheeks.
"i was talking about training, sweetie," he smirks.
no fucking way. you gape at him, not believing a single word.
sylus stifles a laugh, enjoying the hilarious expression on your face. look at you, so cutely flustered over the idea of taking your relationship to the next level. yes, he was talking about whatever was going on in that head of yours. no, he wasn't talking about training. but hiding such a fact was worth it, given your embarrassed state. wanting to admire your adorable face some more, sylus grips your chin before tilting it up.
"although, i'm not against what you have in mind, sweetie."
#i can't believe i just wrote a 1.4k word fic about sylus feeding us garlic#it's clear this man has me in a chokehold#sylus x reader#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x you#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace fic
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shit is a from of public transit because there are designated huge shimp whose shit is explosive and causes super fast propulsion that small shrimp latch on too to get around
I wonder if shrimp dream of public transportation or if that is a purely human thing
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My White Day gift for a friend on the Mokarun Server on Discord 💚💜
Here's some of the progress shots and an adorable close up on Frogkarun. Context available in the server 😂

#okamomo#dandadan#momo x okarun#momokarun#digital art#digital illustration#okarun#momo ayase#fucking help how did i manage to make them so cute#God they're so pretty#legit can't believe this came from my own hands#it's triggering my diabetes#i love these two#i love them#yes i wrote an entire quote from The Outsiders in kanji#reference to CheekyFnBadger's fic “Do You Want To Play Warhammer With Me?”
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we could be lucky again
buck/eddie | chris & eddie | teen and up | 15.9k words
“Can I help you?” Eddie asks cautiously. Christopher opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. His mind blanks. All the scenarios he imagined—the ways this might play out—scatter out like dust. Finally, he manages, “This is gonna be hard to believe, specially for you, but— I'm Christopher. Your son. I, uh, come from the future?” His voice turns higher at the end of the sentence and it makes it sound more like a question than the fact he was trying to announce. Eddie freezes. “What?” His voice is sharp, disbelieving, and his posture gets more defensive. He can see a hint of anger simmering underneath. “Look, man, if this is some kind of sick joke—” Christopher swallows hard, forcing himself to stand straighter. “Dad. It’s me.” or; While working at NASA, an experiment goes wrong and sends Chris years back into the past. This might be the perfect opportunity to fix some wrongs.
read on ao3
#i can't believe i wrote this in 4 days#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#buck x eddie#911 abc#911 on abc#buddie fic#buddie fanfic#911 fic#911 fanfic#my writing#april writes#christopher diaz#chris & eddie#buckley diaz family#diaz boys
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how do you think the ancients and the beast would react to know that pv and smc had children
I WAS GOING TO MAKE A COMIC BUT ARG HAVE THE TEXT VERSION
For the Ancients... PV was *supposed* to tell them about Smilks pregnancy. He was GOING to tell them. But turns out Smilk gets a LOT worse, attitude wise, and basically.. All his time was spent on Smilk ( for the first 3 months it was just Smilk absolutely abusing his Pregnancy Status. Think: "I can't believe you won't let me do this, I'm carrying your child! " basically having PV wrapped around his pinkie. After that? The pregnancy actually hit him like a bus. Funs over, now he needed PV for real)
For the last 2 months of Smilks pregnancy, he basically didn't speak to any other ancient. All communication stopped. But that's not too far from the ordinary when it comes to PV, so no one questioned it.
Until he strode into a meeting with a babe swaddled to his chest.
First, the ancients were confused. Is he babysitting? Such a young cookie? Maybe. But then again her icing seemed oddly familiar to Vanilla's (minus the slight blue undertones.) So, of course, they asked who's she was. "Why, mine of course! This is Lemon Meringue Cookie." he'd say with a bright smile.
Then they'd be offended. No one is surprised PV got.. Busy.. With someone so soon, but not even introduce them to the mother? That was uncharacteristic. They didn't even know he was courting anyone! And so they voice their concerns. And then PV's face scrunches as he thinks. "Oh. I seemed to have forgot to send the letters. My apologies. Shadow Milk Cookie became a whole lot more.. Demanding, once he got pregnant."
Oh the silence that followed. All eyes on Pure Vanilla. They just stared at each other, PV shuffling in place, uncomfortable. At once, the table erupted. Hollyberry was the first to speak: "She's adorable!" Golden Cheese's face seemed both disgusted and impressed: "You bed the Beast of Deceit?!". Dark Cacao threw a hand in the air. "What were you thinking, Pure Vanilla Cookie?!"
Hollyberry was also the first to stand up and coo over the little Lemon nested against her father. She was already singing the little Cookie's praises. PV warned against touching her - not that he didn't trust his friends, it was just that Smilk took issue with it. Says she'd smell weird if they touched her. PV couldn't tell if it was a joke or not.
Golden Cheese joined her, but instead of praise she scrutinized the little bug. "She's going to have your nose, poor thing." though her tone was fond.
Dark Cacao remained seated, brows furrowed. He wasn't sure of this.. Decision PV made without consulting any of them. He was skeptical, worried PV was getting manipulated. Worried PV will fail to take action when time comes, simply because Smilk gave him a child. So he voiced his concerns. And PV listened, and nodded and agreed with his friend. He already knew - of course he did, spending so much time with Smilk - and he was prepared for the worst. From one father to another, they shared wordless acknowledgedment. "..She is rather adorable." DC said, also joining the circle around the babe.
I'll do the beasts some other time idk, it would be a lot less interesting though. Mostly just "Nah nah guys this is all a part of my plan dw. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that PV knows How To Get It On and its hard not to say yes to his breeding kink guys I swear. Anyway this is my second pregnancy and yes it's still part of my plan guys I swear"
#milkweed rants#I can't believe I wrote so much for this pregnant fool#Ugh#If you guys are gonna call me Mpregpa or mpreg grandpa or whatever.#I might as well live up to my title.
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Alicent and Helaena after Viserys' death based on the original script for 1.09 "The Green Council"
shoutout to @darksvster for the script snippets
#house of the dragon#hotdedit#hotd 1x09#hotd script#alicent hightower#helaena targaryen#alicent and helaena#welighttheway#alicenthightowerdaily#gameofthronesdaily#dailyhotdgifs#*mine#*mine: gifs#*mine: hotd#no i did not include aemond's cunny line because i still can't believe they wrote that.#but i did make the gif so if you want me to include it as a little bonus let me know#obviously the non said is lost here again but i couldn't figure out how to include it without the entire gif just being text#i highly recommend checking out
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Hello, I hope you are having a great day! ♡♡♡
Quick question, the next part sorta... uh, ran away on me with Jazz and Blaster interactions, and I'm currently sitting at 3,182 words, but I have yet to actually get to the JP boys swimming in the pool together.
Would you like the next part now (after I review for spelling and flow) or wait till I write out the rest that might take another... 1,000 or so words? >_>;;
-GLC
(also, can you believe it's almost been a week since I started dropping Two Peas in a Pod in your inbox!? wild♡)
OMG HI :D
You can do what you find more comfortable. I honestly will be happy to read it anyway haha
But also little quick informing I'm about to go to bed rn so even if you send it today I will only be able to see it and post it tomorrow
#hooly shit you're fast#“it's almost been a week” I can't believe you wrote that much in that time#you hold the power capable of overcoming both gods and mortals
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gn!reader - 18+ MDNI (oh god. pet play, feet, degradation, sub!dazai, i just . god fuck)
dazai never behaves. you should know better than to expect it at this point. and yet, you catch yourself desperately guiding him towards the right thing, before he’s veering himself off course.
he never behaves, not on his own.
only when obedience is forced upon him. with words. with chains. with a collar.
it’s a pretty little thing, black leather, a heart-shaped metal with dainty handwriting engraved on it: ‘osamu’. he wears it with pride, with a lazy smile and flushed cheeks. it suits him, just tight enough to give the image of control. such a pretty little thing.
“are you going to be good tonight, my dear?”
from his knees, he offers you a giddy grin, half-focused eyes. a non-answer.
when you step forward, his heart lurches. “i said,” and he’s trembling with anticipation, “are you going to be good?”
hair dances before his eyes as he shakes his head.
“ah.” you sigh. “so that’s how it’ll be, then.” only when it’s forced.
when your heel lands between his legs, rubbing his bulge through soft boxers, his eyelashes flutter. he groans, low and sweet like honey. his head falls back, lips parted.
“you really ought to learn some fucking manners, pup.”
a harder press to his aching cock, and he’s panting. a shameless rut of his hips gives just enough friction along the arch of your foot, a sly smirk playing on his lips. such a pretty little thing.
a naughty one, too.
your gaze darkens as you loom over him. “what part of ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ don’t you understand?” harder. “you stupid fucking mutt.”
golden eyes widen, his tongue lolls out, head dropping behind his shoulders. he twitches and shakes under the pressure, a wet spot forming beneath your toes. he can’t even speak his usual quip, not when his mind is full of cotton and desire. not when the collar around his throat tightens.
“did you just cum?” disbelief and faux disgust lace the words.
through a hazy grin, he nods.
“ah. i see.” you lean over him, closing the space. “you’re always-” harder, harder, harder, “-such a fucking-” his cock twitches back to life beneath your heel, “-bad dog.”
a/n: genuinely do not look at me
#for what it's worth i also can't believe this is the first thing i'm publishing for him ... I HAVE NORMAL THINGS WRITTEN I SWEAR#but i wrote this is a lust-induced coma#q writes#drabbles#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#dazai#osamu dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#dazai x reader#bsd#bsd fanfic#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs fanfic#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd dazai#bungo stray dogs dazai#bsd smut#dazai smut
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Dude I think it’s about time for you to grow up and do the dishes
...dad?
#Lol dude I know I'm literally in therapy about it#Just cause I'm not hiding it doesn't mean I'm not embarassed#It's a work in progress#Love yourself bro#Can't believe I almost wrote a paragraph explaining myself lol
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