#can't be fucked to make a full order. because doing so would just mean spending money on something that's just going to sit

[princehendir]

Instantly instinctually doing Sherlock Holmes style deductions whenever I see restaurant equipment

[stolitzsings]

It's just SO fucking good and so fucking gutwrenching how much sense both of their mistakes make for them

And how backed into a corner both of them felt

It's completely understandable that Blitz would feel blindsided by Stolas’s confession- from his perspective it's coming out of nowhere

But this is something Stolas has been wrestling with for months now, and it's slowly killing him. He starts off his day with an anxiety vomit bc of how stressed he is about this conversation, and he also thinks this might be his one and only chance to tell Blitz how he feels. He's giving Blitz the crystal, no strings attached, so for all he knows he might not ever see Blitz again after tonight. He needs to lay it all out there if he wants Blitz to understand

Also Stolas has been trying to show Blitz he cares for so long: inviting him to hang out for things, suggesting movies and comfort after the turmoil of Ozzie's, letting Blitz take the lead on whether to see him for the full moon each month, plus everything Blitz mentioned to Fizz! Liking his pictures and asking him how he is and all those things that Blitz dismissed because he simply couldn't fathom that Stolas would actually be interested in him. Stolas has been giving him space and checking in on how he's feeling and offering to talk about things, presumably for months now, all in a bid to show Blitz they could have more than a transactional relationship.

And he'd been hyping himself up to have this conversation, telling himself it could go great! Maybe Blitz would be just as happy as he was! Maybe he felt the same and this would all work out!

But even though Blitz does care about him, he's fucking terrified to show or even acknowledge it, because feelings mean getting hurt. And he's been shutting himself off from the possibility of Stolas having those feelings for months as well. He can't allow himself to hope for anything more, and anyway it would just complicate things, so best to stick to nice, safe sex stuff like he's sure Stolas wants to anyway.

So he completely misses all the times Stolas is trying to give them a way forward, and as a result he just can't believe Stolas’s confession could be real. And then he REALLY fucks up. This has to be a sex thing, right? The one thing he's convinced himself Stolas wants, especially tonight? He's thinking "there's no way anyone could love me like this," but all Stolas hears is "there's no way YOU could love me like this."

Because while Blitz has been shutting out any hope that Stolas could love him, Stolas has been CLINGING to scraps of hope that Blitz might love him, in order to give himself the strength to have the conversation they're having now. I don't think he understands why Blitz wouldn't leap at the chance to believe him.

To Stolas, this is confirmation that Blitz still sees their relationship as the same as it was after Ozzie's, when he said their relationship was just sex and Stolas SAW how unhappy he was. Clearly, Blitz still feels this whole thing is about Stolas wanting Blitz to fuck him, and it's not fair to keep him trapped in that dynamic. He thinks the conversation is over, he has his answer because Blitz wasn't happy then so he clearly isn't happy now.

Stolas spends the rest of the scene trying to bow out gracefully. He thanks Blitz for changing his life and tries to escape before he really breaks down. Remember, he's going through an acrimonious and, to be frank, VIOLENT divorce right now, with the person that he's terrified of becoming in his relationship with Blitz. He would do anything to get out of his shitty relationship quietly, so clearly the kindest thing he could do is let Blitz go without making a fuss.

But Blitz is only just realizing that he read the situation so wrong. When he chases after Stolas, Stolas might see it as just another person following him around his house to yell at him. For Blitz, though, he's scared, he's angry at Stolas for springing this on him, and he feels like Stolas is trying to discard him because of one dumb thing he just did. Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been dropped before because of one fuckup. He doesn't get how close he's gotten to Blitz's past trauma. Meanwhile Blitz is trying to get Stolas to give him a second to figure shit out, to just stick with him and not expect him to have all the answers right away.

And when Stolas doesn't give him that, because he's convinced that Blitz is still unhappy and is now just trying to make this hurt as little as he can, Blitz retreats back into anger. Finally Stolas is discarding him just like he always knew he would eventually. Their relationship has been such a rollercoaster for both of them and he just needs a little time, dammit! So now this feels like just another case of someone throwing him away for not living up to their expectations.

Stolas can't hear him asking for time, though. All he sees is Blitz following him to curse him out, to yell about how shitty he is, just like Stella has always done. And Blitz is right!!! Stolas was so crushed by the initial rejection that he didn't give Blitz the space he needed to process things. Blitz wants to talk and yell and fight through things and get all the shit out there. But Stolas is so focused on holding himself together for just a little longer.

Stolas's biggest fear was that he'd trapped Blitz in their arrangement, and the way Blitz tries to ask for time and engagement unfortunately hits directly on that. Blitz is yelling that Stolas doesn't get to just dismiss him, he deserves a chance to be heard and to figure shit out, and to have an actual conversation about this. But Stolas fixates on Blitz’s accusation that he's treating him like a servant, and assumes that he's referring to their entire relationship. It confirms, in his mind, that Blitz was never with him willingly and would never want to be with him willingly.

And it must hurt so much to hear Blitz call him a "pompous, rich asshole" in that moment, when he has been trying so hard to be selfless about this. He made himself so vulnerable with this confession and the gift of the crystal. He put everything he had out in the open. But if Blitz thinks he's an asshole, well, there's no way he could share his feelings, right? He's being vulnerable, and probably expected Blitz to do the same and lay his true feelings out there as well. And Blitz really is trying, but he's still using anger and insults because they're familiar and safe. PLUS there's the added panic of "Oh fuck, how badly did I hurt him that he thinks of me like this?"

Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been abandoned for fucking something up, and Blitz doesn't know how many times Stolas has had to shut down and endure tirades of abuse he couldn't escape from. Stolas thinks he's done all of this and Blitz still can't see him as anything but a stuck-up, frigid jerk. And if this desperate, grand gesture wasn't enough to get Blitz to see how much he cares, well, what hope is there?

He's still reeling from what he perceived as Blitz’s mockery of the very idea that Stolas could care for him. He tried to leave peacefully but Blitz won't let him bow out, still wants to yell at him and tell him how shitty he is, won't even give him the dignity of breaking down in private. Never mind that those weren't Blitz’s intentions at all. Stolas was so scared, so tentative about this, that Blitz’s almost inevitable incredulous/messy reaction was bound to hurt.

Both of them are working off their own assumptions, their low opinions of themselves, and their past traumas, and can't see enough of each other's histories to understand that's what they're doing.

[artemisdesari-blog]

The trouble with writing a long AU is sometimes it sparks ideas for others based off narrative choices. In this case; what would have happened if the deal between Dooku and Fett in Careless To Let It Fall had been allowed to happen.

After killing Komari, Fett encounters Dooku who offers him the job of being the progenitor and trainer of an army of clones. So good, so canon. In Careless this is expanded on as a deal where two hundred thousand men are grown and trained purely for the purpose of overthrowing the Republic Senate who are responsible for, among many things, supporting the New Mandalorian's take over of Mandalore (leading to something of a cultural genocide) and the mission to Galidraan where Dooku was given all the wrong information as part of a Death Watch trap, but Jango shot first. Obviously there are more issues than that, and Jango is in full on revenge and not thinking clearly mode, but that's the base of it. As Jango’s payment for helping the Jedi effectively overthrow the Senate (cesspool of corruption that it is) Jango will be given fifty thousand of those men to use to wipe out any Death Watch in hiding and take back Mandalore. Obviously, neither Dooku nor Jango mean to keep their end of the deal. Dooku knows Palpatine has bigger plans and will work on Jango as much as possible to make a larger army and Jango intends to just abscond with every clone when the time comes and wipe out any Jedi who come for them.

This where Careless and whatever this AU is would diverge. In Careless Qui-Gon Jinn lives, Obi-Wan goes off to do his own thing, and Fett gets aggressively mind wiped and controlled by Dooku and Sidious so that he truly becomes the major asshole we all love. There's other stuff, but that hasn't been revealed yet even though I'm at chapter 100.

In this universe, Qui-Gon would die and the Trade Federation, humiliated by how Sidious used them, would find a way to off the Chancellor of the Republic as a final fuck you. Maybe Palpatine’s death is just an accident. Either way, Sidious is out of the picture but the clones are already in production and the Senate is still a total cesspool of corruption and arrogance and greed. Without Sidious to help facilitate the plan of playing one side of a conflict against the other, Dooku has to rethink and do it fast. He rejoins the order (or stays, some agree he left before Qui-Gon died and just stopped by to visit, others think it was what caused him to leave and I am too tired and lazy to check which is correct), forms a relationship with Obi-Wan even though he doesn’t bring him into the plan because he can tell Obi doesn't have time due to Anakin’s everything, because I am trash for Grandpa Dooku stuff, and begins to quietly convince younger and more idealistic Jedi that the Senate needs an overhaul, usually approaching them after missions gone wrong, while periodically checking in on Jango and the clones.

All on Kamino appears to be going according to the revised plan, except its actually going according to Jango’s plan. Jango pulls in the trainers and spends a couple of years weeding out the ones he can't actually trust as much as he hoped while quietly adopting a few dozen clones, including many fan faves. Other trainers adopt other clones, those clones adopt brothers, they basically become a group of clans with Jango as their Mand'alor. Dooku’s Jedi come for their one hundred and fifty thousand soldiers who will help them overturn the Senate and the clones turn on the Jedi, capture them, and head off to Mandalore to take what Jango has promised them with Fett as their leader and Cody as his right hand. Predictably, Obi-Wan is sent to Mandalore to deal with the fall out while the rest of the Jedi Council try to work out what the actual fuck happened and how Dooku managed it.

In all likelihood this would result in the Jedi leaving the Republic because the fact that Dooku managed to draw a good number of them into the mess would catch attention and make things very difficult. We would probably end up with some Codywan (because this is me) but that would probably only be implied at the end rather than the focus.

But, yes, the danger of long form AUs and the ideas that narrative choices spark. Another one for the maybe some day pile.

[pavlovianfuckery]

i have abandonment issues and anxiety and now so do you

A/N: Re-uploading all my fics after having a slight mental breakdown and deleting everything so this is kind of old, but bone apple tea and all that anyway

AO3

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

Summary: He is so very pretty when he cries and I wanted another go at writing some quick stair sex, fucking sue me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pairing: Dream/F!Reader

Notes: piv sex, angst, no use of y/n

Length: 2600~ words

It's been weeks since you slept unaided, the use of pills keeping any dreams at bay, so when you finally enter the Dreaming only to find yourself in the throne room of all places, it gives you pause. Everything looks much the same as you remember. When you finally lay eyes on the aloof figure on the throne it feels like being kicked in the chest, which is less unexpected. You had imagined what it would be like to see him again many times, but nothing you had planned to say comes out, the words turning to ash in your mouth.

"Leave us." His gaze is fixed on you as he orders everyone out, and it feels as if an eternity passes between the closing of the massive doors and him speaking to you. "Do you know why I have brought you here?" Just hearing his voice again is painful, but you refuse to let it show, squaring your shoulders but not meeting his eyes, not bothering to keep your tone civil.

"I do not presume to know why you would do anything, so no, I don't." The glibness doesn't seem to amuse him, and he steps down from the throne. "That is not quite true, is it?" His voice is flat as he approaches you unhurriedly, step by inexorable step.   "If accusing me of being a liar is all you dragged me here for, I'm just going to go." You turn to go, to wake up, to be anywhere but here, but he calls out to you. "Stop." You were planning on leaving, and yet. And yet.

"Why?" You whirl around, facing him. It's a struggle to keep your voice from cracking, but you manage it, somehow."You don't want me here."  He frowns, moving closer until he's only a few paces away. "I assure you, that is not true, despite your lack of loyalty." "What in the world is that even supposed to mean?" Now you can't keep the anger out of your voice, "Since when have I ever been disloyal to you?" "Since you abandoned me to cavort with a mortal." The words are full of contempt, and it almost makes you physically recoil. "I abandoned you?" It comes out as a disbelieving laugh, more callous than you had intended. "No, you left, without so much as a word. I didn't hear from you for 6 months! I don't know if you had gotten bored of me or what, but you were gone."

"Bored?" His frown deepens. "There were matters of great import that required my attention." "Of course there were."  You had always been painfully aware of your own unimportance to a being like him right from the start but nevertheless, his words still hurt. "What did you expect me to do then, spend the rest of my life waiting for you? I didn't even know if you were coming back at all."

"You certainly wasted no time before giving yourself to another." "Did you miss the part where you up and left me for months? Not that it's any of your business anymore but yes, I slept with someone else, to try and get over you forgetting me!" "I did not forget you." Somehow, the words make it worse. "Yeah? Because that's what it looked like." Your eyes sting and you wipe at them angrily.

He's frozen, unmoving at the bottom of the steps. Bathed in the soft light from the stained glass windows he reminds you of a marble statue. Beautiful. Cold. It cuts at you like a knife until you can't stand to look at him any longer, and you turn to leave again. The way his fingers snag your wrist takes you by surprise, not expecting him to reach out. "Wait." "I did." You yank your arm back, but he grabs hold. The touch is gentle, but it might as well have been a firebrand. "Let. Go." For all their vehemence the words feel like a lie on your tongue, and as you glare at him it's obvious that he doesn't believe them either because his grip only tightens. The way he looks at you hurts, it burns and something inside your chest just shatters.

The slap is loud in the empty room, neither of you expecting it. Even though your palm tingles from the open-handed strike there isn't a mark on him of course, but that doesn't make you feel any better. When he pulls you to him, most of the fight drains out of you. "You don't get to do this, you know," you punch his chest weakly, just once as the first tears start to fall. "You can't just dump me by the wayside when you get tired of me, I'm not your fucking pet." "No, perhaps not. But do not doubt this; you are mine."

Despite everything, the close proximity has the same effect as it always has, as if he'd never left. As he tightens his arms around you his familiar scent envelops you, making your head swim. You're not sure what possesses you to brush your lips against his throat, but you do it anyway, despite your every sense screaming at you that it's a bad idea. "Forgive me." For a moment you're sure that he'll send you away, that you'll wake up alone in your bed again and the thought makes it hard to breathe. But then his fingers ghost over your cheek, brushing your tears away before guiding your mouth to his. The kiss is a brief, unspeakably tender thing, over much too quickly. Brows knitted together in something like confusion his eyes are heavy on you, searching your face. "What is there to forgive? If I had known..."

You don't wait for him to finish speaking, pulling him back down by the lapels of his coat. His lips are as soft against yours as they've ever been as you pry them open, like it would be possible to push every shred of angerpaingrief into him that way. As if he could somehow understand your hurt if only you could force him to taste it. And he lets you, even as you nip at him until you taste blood, like bright copper pennies caught in your teeth. Lack of air makes your head spin but you can't stop clinging to him as if he'd turn to smoke under your hands, to slip between your fingers to be gone by morning. "Don't leave me like that again..."

You breathe the words into him like a prayer until your knees go weak, and even then he holds you to him still, not letting go. The descent onto the stairs is a gradual one, made clumsy by the reluctance to let go for even a second. Straddling his lap is a graceless affair, but you're beyond caring.  Feeling the fabric of his coat under you is a bit unsettling, the way it cushions your knees from the unyielding stone beneath a bit too well to be quite real. It makes you feel as if you could fall into the sky of the lining of it if you're not careful. "You are aware of my responsibilities; I can offer you no such promises."  That hurts to hear more than you would like to admit, but then he continues, "I can however endeavour to inform you when my work requires my full attention."

It's not quite an apology, but it's as close to one as you're likely to ever get and still more than you dared hope for.  As the hem of his shirt rides up exposing the skin there, the urge to be closer is overpowering. "I have missed you." The way he says it is quiet but fond, the words soft enough to rival the feel of his skin under your questing hands.

Wanting to lay any claim on him that you can you suck at the sensitive skin on the side of his neck, which surprisingly does leave a mark, one that doesn't fade. When the realization dawns that he's doing that, he's keeping it there on purpose for you, lust pools molten in your belly. Repeating the action on the other side makes him groan, the sound vibrating against your lips as he tips his head back and grinds his hips up against you, giving you all the permission you need.

The bruises bloom nearly instantly, another one of his tricks, offered up almost like a gift. They dapple the flawless column of his throat prettily, but it's still not enough. The seams creak in protest as you pull the collar of his shirt down to get at more of him, but he doesn't seem to mind.  After being apart for so long, suddenly having him this close when you thought you never would again is overwhelming and you're unable to hold back a few errant tears.  "Do you have any idea what it was like with you gone?" Giving his hair a pull, you force him to look at you. 

He wets his lips before responding, an uncharacteristically human gesture. "It was never my intention to cause you harm." The tremble in his voice is barely perceptible but still undeniably there.

His lips yield to yours so easily when you kiss him again, pressing the heel of your hand against his fly. "Help me forget?" As you breathe the words into his mouth you can feel him pulse through the fabric. "Please?"

Even with his hands aiding yours it's easier than it should have been to pull his jeans down, the stiff material offering next to no resistance, a convenience courtesy of the Dreaming. Rather than removing them completely, you push them only as far down as is necessary.

His cock is just as pretty as the rest of him, you'd almost forgotten that. The skin is silky in your palm as you give him a few slow pumps, just as a reminder of what he feels like.  "Let me see you." His words make the rest of your clothing fade away like morning mist leaving you completely exposed on his lap, another perk of his realm that you had missed. The way he touches you borders on worshipful as he presses a soft kiss over your heart, gentle as a butterfly wing.

Sinking down on him slowly is difficult when you're aching like this, but you want to savour it. For now, he simply leans back and watches as your body swallows every inch of him. The way he fills you so perfectly is intoxicating, addictive. It feels like coming home. For a while you don't move, just enjoying holding him inside like this, buried to the hilt as you squeeze around him. The intimacy of it is almost unbearable, nearly making you choke up again as he gently grabs hold of your hips and guides you into a languid pace.

"Tell me he didn't make you feel like this." The words are quiet, almost pleading, his eyes shining as he looks up at you. You had thought something like that wouldn't matter to a being like him, but his fragile expression tells you otherwise. "I need to hear you say it," he gasps, the stars in his eyes finally falling. Seeing him like this nearly breaks your heart all over again. As you kiss his face with all the tenderness you can muster, moisture stains your lips, making him seem remarkably human in that moment. "You know he didn't," you fail to keep your voice steady as you stroke his hair. "He wasn't you."

The way his chest hitches does nothing to douse the desire burning its way through you, not the way it perhaps should have done. He's so lovely like this, all dishevelled, cheeks shining. It's wholly unexpected, the vulnerability of it all, making the tension in your core coil tighter. The salt of his tears burning on the tip of your tongue makes you feel like consuming enough of him in any way you can would somehow erase your stupid mistake. As if he could fill you up until there would be room for nothing else, and he would push the memory of it out of you. 

"Please come in me," you roll your hips, pleading. "I need you to."

That you would ask for it so bluntly makes him let out a desperate little sound and thrust up into you ineffectually, the bunched-up fabric around his knees making it close to impossible to gain any proper traction on the smooth stone steps. He grasps your hips more firmly, spurring you on. "Move for me." It's still a fairly leisurely pace, neither of you so much chasing release as letting it arrive in its own time.  Pleasure washing over you in gentle waves makes your thighs quake as it brings you close to your peak before pulling away, time and time again.

The squelching noises as you ride his cock are embarrassingly loud in the empty hall, but you're beyond caring about anything except that you get to have him like this again. One of his hands moves to where you are joined, clever fingers circling your clit, not directly touching you yet.  "You make such a sweet mess of me, my love."He murmurs, voice strained as he continues, "I've missed that." The words alone are nearly enough to put you right back on that precipice, making you pull on his hair with a frustrated little whine. "Morpheus, please." At that, he goes completely still, his grip like iron as he holds you in place. You can feel his cock straining inside of you, nearly spilling but not quite. "Plead with me like that," he chokes out, cheeks high with colour, "and you will receive me sooner than you might hope."

Being the one to make his composure falter has never failed to drive you wild and this time is no different. Seeing him like this after your time apart, balancing on that edge right along with you, is very nearly enough to bring you off. Furrowing his brow he bites his bottom lip, fighting to keep his control from slipping, and you realize that you're going to come regardless of if he moves or not. It's like a tidal wave on the horizon, the pull relentless long before it arrives.

"I'm going to," you struggle to get the words out, "fuck, I'm..." The way his eyes bore into yours is almost hypnotic, drawing you in. "Go on," he breathes, egging you on, "come for me." Then he flexes inside of you and with a whimper, you're lost, walls spasming around his cock. There is no way to ride the wave of pleasure and nowhere to hide from it, the only thing you can do is slump bonelessly on his lap and let it wash over you, because he isn't letting you move. He's only a few seconds behind you though, pushing in as far as he can go and emptying himself there with a strangled sound, as if he really could wash every trace of the other man's touch out of you that way.

Spent, he rests his head against your shoulder, stroking his hands down your back soothingly as his come starts seeping out of you. For a while you simply stay like that, holding each other close.  Now that you're thinking more clearly reality starts to set in, and you can't help but dread waking up. Because in your heart of hearts, you know that you will wake up alone, no matter what just happened. It hits you like a sledgehammer to the chest and without meaning to, you start to tremble.

Realizing with rising horror that this might just be A dream and not your Dream, you do the only thing you can think of; you flee back to the waking world.

⁂

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

If you liked this spicy snack even a little, please consider supporting your local smut-slinger and hitting the reblog button on the way out, perhaps even drop a comment if you're feeling generous, it really helps with the motivation side of things a lot!

[vaspider]

This is the last thing I'm going to post about this. Yes, reblogs are turned off. No, I am not tagging anyone's Tumblr or pointing you towards the people involved: I have them blocked. Do not go bother either one of them.

The Tumblr post I responded to earlier tonight went up before I read the actual response emails, because, well. They were sent while I was AFK, and then the Tumblr post containing Razz's response emails was tagged for me while I was, you know, not working. When I finally got to actually read the emails, I hit this line:

I bought the first heat pack during your sale and it said very explicitly in the emails that you guys would send a random one from your supply, no mention that customers needed to put something else in their cart.

Emphasis mine.

And at the point where someone's just fully making stuff up rather than admitting they fucked up, I'm done. So. In the name of my own sanity, I issued a full refund for this order, and:

Hi Razz,

Since you and your friend decided to take this conversation to Tumblr in the 3 or so hours I was AFK spending time with my partners, I hadn't actually gotten an opportunity to go back and read these emails. The first time I saw them was not in my inbox but idly scrolling Tumblr while petting my dog at 11 PM with your friend's, uh… commentary on them. Your assumption that I was condescending and calling you stupid rather than that I'm autistic and speak very precisely is very interesting, in context, and skipping over me saying 'I'm baffled' and 'I'm genuinely confused' to call that 'I think you're stupid' and all of the other really shitty commentary your friend put on those emails is… well, it's a choice. And at first I thought this must be someone out of pocket and white-knighting for you so I was not going to hold you to account for what they said, but then when I went to go block them, I saw your comments, and your posts, so. Yeah, that's fun and cute.

Anyway, the email absolutely did not "explicitly say" that we would be picking from our stock. What it said was, as follows:

"Emet just spent a week going through our entire stock of fabric, adding all of the new patterns & figuring out which designs must be discontinued since the fabrics can't be ordered anymore. She's got all of the closeout heat & cold packs prepped - ready to fill & ship - and you can get one of the discontinued prints FREE with the purchase of any regular-price heating pad, no code required! When they're gone, they're gone, so don't wait! Order by December 14th for domestic heat & cold pack delivery estimated by 12/24."

This section is followed by a selection of 9 New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns, labeled "New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns," followed by another section marked "Closeout Options!" which had 5 of the then 15-20 Closeout patterns, all labeled with CLOSEOUT at the front of the name.

After this was our legally-required footer with our mailing address and the unsubscribe link.

Nowhere in there does it explicitly say that we will be picking the item for you. In fact, it says "you can get one of the discontinued prints free," which would seem to imply you need to pick something.

I'm not sure why I should have assumed that sending you a screenshot would be something inaccessible to you when you… sent me a screenshot. Nobody said you were incompetent. Nobody said you were stupid. Nobody said blind people can't take screenshots. I mean, you took a screenshot of the email that you said explicitly said something it does not at all say, so clearly you personally can take a screenshot, and find that to be a useful tool in communicating. Why would I have thought that responding in kind would be something inaccessible to you? I haven't a clue, but what I do know is that my wife just walked downstairs after her full sleep cycle and said, "Is this still that person?" so … yeah.

I've refunded this order & closed your customer account. It's genuinely worth it to me at this point to lose the money so I never again have to deal with a person who chooses to try to tell me falsehoods about the content of an email that I just told you that I wrote. No further responses will be received by any of our staff.

Spider

I’m not going to waste more time reading paragraphs of you insulting me over not understanding your esoteric definition of closeout and deciding that a blind person can’t be blind if they can take a screenshot. I had a simple question, I practically resolved it myself, and between my first email and the next you leapt to conclusions and treated me like dirt for the crime of not having access to information you never provided in am accessible way.  I choose to speak with a trusted friend over the situation the same way you would speak to your own partners. it was up to them what they did with your own words. Whatever fallout comes of this is on you. I’ve made sure the blind community is aware of your discrimination and as far as I’m concerned that’s the end of this. I hope your shipping costs I never even asked about were worth the income you've lost from me and my extended community since that tiny amount of money appears to be all you care about. 

Razz T. 

Razz,

Go away.

[creedslove]

100% Marcus love when you sit on his face 😊

Lazy morning sunday with cock warming

Cuddling with you after work

He loves mirror sex, just so he can watch you two, and then the eye contact is making him loose his mind

Marcus love seeing you with little babies, he immediately is thinking how good you would look like all round with his babies, all because of him.

Can be a little possessive. You are his. He has a plan for the two of you.

Want spend time with you. If you don't have it, he is calling or texting. He fell for you hard!

Can be a little needy.

Helpless romantic.

Can't cook, but he is trying.

Marcus Pike x f!reader

A/N: bestie, I decided to write headcanons on your headcanons because omfg marcus pike amrite

100% Marcus love when you sit on his face 😊

• he worships your body and he makes sure you see, know and feel it! Even if he doesn't do it with words, he very often does it with his mouth, and face sitting is a whole new level of worshipping; you are literally there, sitting on him, letting him savory you and give you all the pleasure he yearns to give you

• he low-key thinks that if he pleasures you a lot, it will make it harder for you to leave him; you can't blame our sweet FBI boyfriend, after all, he'd had his heart broken more than once and is kinda scared it will happen again

Lazy morning sunday with cock warming

• he wakes you up by kissing you, that man is a kisser™ and he starts by kissing your neck, your shoulders, your collarbone... Anything. During the week he's the first one to wake up, shower and get breakfast ready, but on the weekend? He's just about his lazy love Sundays with you

• of course it doesn't take you very long to get wet, I mean, it's Marcus Pike after all, right and as soon as you are ready and slippery, he gets inside of you, earning a delicious little soft moan from you

• he grunts at how tight you are but he just stays there, loving the warmth of your body against his, big arms wrapped around your frame and loving to smell you

Cuddling with you after work

• he is a cuddler™ and he is able to tell when you had a hard day at work or when you're just simply exhausted, because he often has these at work too and he knows how much he misses your touch during the day

• he often tells you just to order something so you don't have to tire yourself out by cooking or he just makes you two a sandwich and then he's back at cuddling

• you spend some relaxing time on the couch, he likes watching movies, classic movies because your lovely Marcus is a well educated man and also passionate about art, if you're in the mood to watch it with him, you'll just let him wrap himself around your body and clarify a doubt or two you might have about the story. If you aren't in the mood he will quietly hold you tight his eyes glued to the TV while his head rests on your shoulder and he lets you do whatever you want

• he also gives the best cuddles in bed, it doesn't matter if they are pre or post sex, they are always so soothing and warm, capable of making you forget about all the bad things in life

• and I know it's not really related to it but don't forget that Marcus smells so good 🤌

He loves mirror sex, just so he can watch you two, and then the eye contact is making him loose his mind

• he loves mirror sex, there's some so erotic and beautiful about it, it's poetic and pornographic to him at the same time and he loves it; it's perfect from when he's pounding from behind and he doesn't want to miss your beautiful, full of pleasure expressions and how your body looks so good against his

• he loves to stay at hotels where there are mirrors, if you don't have a big one he can display in front of the bed, he will at least fuck you in the bathroom in front of it

Marcus love seeing you with little babies, he immediately is thinking how good you would look like all round with his babies, all because of him.

• Marcus loves seeing you with babies and little kids, in fact he is very good with kids himself, always being the life of the party to his nieces and nephews or to your little cousins, he is just so good with them

• they trust him easily and when they aren't old enough to understand how cool his FBI job is, they just like the fact he is nice and patient with them

• this man is also the Halloween king, he decorates the house in an awesome way and he definitely hands out the best candies and he def flashes his fbi badge around when he spots older kids trying to bully the smaller ones into giving them their candy

• but he melts when he sees you with kids, no matter if you are as good as he is with them or if you're better or if you consider yourself a disaster with kids. It just brings such pride and butterflies to his stomach to imagine one day it will be the three of you, instead of only the two of you together, perhaps the family will be even bigger, but you gotta start somehow

• he already knows how he wants to name his baby Pike

Can be a little possessive. You are his. He has a plan for the two of you.

• he is possessive, not in a creepy or uncomfortable way, but you are his and there's no argument about that, no matter how much you reassure him, he still worries you will leave him like everyone else, and for that, he has the need to touch you constantly: hands on your hips, on your back, on your arms when you are standing and hands on your knees/thighs when you are sitting down. He really likes when you sit on his lap too, though this is reserved mostly for when you two are home alone

Want spend time with you. If you don't have it, he is calling or texting. He fell for you hard!

• he likes spending time with you no matter what; the two of you have a busy job, sometimes you have good days at work and sometimes you have awful days and he always makes sure to remind you he's there for you

• it's okay if you are busy, he'll send you a text just to check on you or a quick phone call, he might even have something delivered to your home, like some flowers or some takeout

• but he also knows how to give him space when you need to be on your own too

Can be a little needy.

• yes, as we've already discussed, he lets his anxiety get the best of him sometimes and allows the fear he has of being brokenhearted and left once more appear, which causes him to crave more reassurance, even if he doesn't say so, you know that's what he feels 💔

Helpless romantic.

• he is a helpless romantic, he lives for romance and he is just over the moon he finally met someone worthy of sharing this overwhelming love he carries in his heart

• he isn't shy to tell you he loves you, nor to show you with kisses and other gestures; he brings you small thoughtful gifts very often and he never misses an anniversary, birthday or valentine's day

• he kisses you under the mistletoe and when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's

Can't cook, but he is trying.

• he is trying and you appreciate him a lot for that; he is able to make some pretty good breakfast though and it's enough for you, loving how he actually lets you sleep some more and waits for you to wake up with a cup of coffee and pancakes, it means a lot to you

• he prefers to take you out to eat or just order from your favorite places, but he trusts you when you tell him you are going to cook together, which consists mostly of you doing the cooking while he's nibbling at the ingredients here and there or just chopping up the vegetables

• but he will do the dishes for you because he's a gentleman :')

____

[yellowkitkieran]

Home (Kieran Tierney)

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Kieran surprises you by coming home early from his loan spell in Spain.

“When do you come home?”

Kieran smiles because you're both aware you've had the answer to that question memorized for months. But he indulges you anyway, “Friday. So only a few more days my love, and then I'll be home with you again.”

You sigh and begin typing your next email. You've become adept at multitasking while on the phone with Kieran; he'd be in the gym, airpods in while you chatted, and you would be settled in at the desk in Kieran's guest room working away on your laptop. Stolen moments like these have become the norm since Kieran went on loan in Spain. To make the most of a bad situation, you both came to the silent agreement that you would spend as much time on the phone together as possible. As a result, you now often find it hard to concentrate without Kieran on the other line. 

“Right, Friday. In the afternoon right? I'm gonna try and get the house cleaned up before then, I don't need you seeing how messy I keep it when you're away!” 

Kieran’s quiet laugh sends a slight shiver down your spine. “We both know it's not that bad. I'm sure you keep it plenty tidy. Don't worry about keeping it spotless, cause I'm just gonna mess it up as soon as I'm home.”

“Still. When you get here, I just want to focus on you. You kept Saturday open for sure yeah?” 

“Mmhhm. Everyone else thinks I'm coming home on Sunday, so I'm all yours.” 

You smile to yourself, sitting back in your chair. You have a full day planned for the two of you that mostly involves making up for lost time. Assuming your Friday night will be spent wrapped up in each other completely, you've mentally blocked off a few hours on Saturday morning to recover and wind down. After that, you'll help Kieran unpack his suitcases, do whatever washing needs done, and finally end off the day with dinner at his favorite place in Central London. 

“Good! It'll be… fun… oh fucks sake…” you trail off as you read the email that's just arrived in your inbox. “Seriously- why! Can people not read?!”

“What's wrong babe? Someone mess up the catering order again?” You can almost hear Kieran's smile through the phone. “You'll fix it in time, you always do.”

“Yeah of course I will,” you grumble, now zeroed in on pulling up receipts and time stamps to triple check the order you placed versus the order that you were quoted for. “Just means more work for me is all. And just when I thought I was done for the day!”

“Shame that, I was hoping to get some time with you today.” You swear Kieran's voice is echoing. “You sure you can't put that off until the morning?”

“No, I can't, I have to do it now. Ugh, this wouldn't happen if people paid more attention!” 

“I think you should close your laptop.” 

Frustrated, you rub your temples and close your eyes. “Babe I can't. This is for tomorrow's lunch so-” 

“So that means that you'll have time if you wake up early to get it fixed up. I think you should come downstairs.” 

Okay, either you're hearing things or there really is an echo. You frown, setting your phone aside and listening closely for any sounds in the house, but you only hear Shadow, Kieran's dog, pacing downstairs on the wood floors. 

“Did you send another delivery or something babe? Because Shadow always gets anxious when people come up to the door, I wish you'd give me a heads up.” Unfurling to your feet with a heavy sigh, you pad downstairs with your phone tucked between your ear and your shoulder. “One of these days you're gonna give that poor dog a heart attack-”

“Hi baby,” Kieran says, tucking his phone in his pocket. Shadow sits at your boyfriend's side, his tail thumping merrily whilst you stand perfectly still. Your brain goes into overdrive, mentally counting days and confirming that today was not Friday, and therefore Kieran should not be home yet… but here he stands before you, flesh and blood and just as handsome as the last time you saw him.

A delighted, high pitch squeal bubbles out of your chest. Kieran laughs and opens his arms, which you promptly take as an invitation to leap into them and latch onto him like a koala. “Oh my god, oh my god! You're home already?!” 

“I am,” Kieran murmurs into your hair after kissing the top of your head. “I packed up early and decided I couldn't wait another second before I saw you.” The urge to squeeze Kieran until he wheezes is nearly overwhelming. Instead of acting on impulse and earning yourself a lecture, you pry your face out of Kieran's neck- his aftershave tickles your nose- and pepper kisses across his face. 

“I- missed- you- so- much- you- pretty- boy-” Kieran's cheeks become hotter with each peck you press to his skin. Shadow barks to indicate he's keen to join in on the action. Soon Kieran is supporting your weight with a hand under your bum and scratching behind Shadow's ears when the big pup jumps on his hip to demand his attention, too. Kieran is happy to balance you both, eventually crouching down to sit on the floor with you still wrapped around him.

Once Shadow calms down and rests his big head on Kieran’s knee, the room quiets. Kieran draws shapes on the small of your back, letting you gaze upon him for as long as you desire. He is content with your fingertips brushing over his cheekbones, along his stubbled jaw and down the side of his neck. You smile at his contented sigh, the breathy sound distracting you from your reverence. 

“You're actually tan. Took you long enough to stop burning like a tomato.” Your eyes flick to Kieran's smile and you do not stop yourself from stealing a kiss. You'll never take those lips for granted, not after being forced to cope without them for so long. 

Kieran rolls up the sleeve of his white tshirt to show you his tan line. Halfway up his bicep, his golden, tanned skin gives way to his natural pale shade. You trace the line with a finger as Kieran defends himself, “Spanish sun cannae fully fix Scottish skin, my love. But I know you like when I'm not so pale, so I figured I'd soak up as much as I could before I came home.” 

Muscles flex under your finger when Kieran wraps his arms around your middle once more. You lay your palm flat to soak up his warmth and smile to yourself.

“I love you just as much when you're ghostly white. Doesn't matter to me. But the sun makes your little bitty freckles come out, so I do enjoy those.” 

Kieran's nose scrunches up when you lean forward to kiss it. You could sit like this until the end of days and be perfectly happy. With Kieran sat beneath you, soft, idle touches and whispered words would be more than enough to pass the time.

At some point Kieran coaxes both you and Shadow to your feet and leads you to the sofa. A happy sigh falls from his lips when you tumble into him and hook one leg over his hips. Shadow curls up in his normal spot at Kieran's feet like not a day has passed without his dad there. 

“What should we do tonight?” Kieran's words are a rumble beneath the hand you have laid on his chest. When you don't immediately answer, Kieran’s hand lands on the back of your thigh and coaxes you to find your words with a soft squeeze. 

“Dunno. Nothing? I don't plan on moving.” You assume Shadow's moody huff is a sound of agreement and grin. “See? Even the dog doesn't want to move. We want to stay right here and spend some quality time with you.”

The hand that drifts to the hem of your shorts is at odds with Kieran's words. “I guess I can't object to that. Just cuddle? I can at least have a couple kisses, right?” 

Lifting your head just enough to meet his tawny brown eyes, you ponder his request. You drag out the suspense and drum your fingers on his chest despite both of you knowing you would never refuse a kiss. “I'm sure something can be arranged. Put something on the telly to entertain Shadow then, he doesn't need to be scarred for life, mister ‘I can't keep my hands to myself’.”

Kieran lifts a shoulder in a what are ya gonna do kind of gesture before putting on a random nature show that immediately captures Shadow's attention. One of Kieran's hands remains on your thigh whilst the other comes up to cup your cheek and pull your lips to his. 

Stubble scratches your chin, but you don't mind. Right then, all that matters is giving Kieran the kiss he deserves. He expertly pulls soft, breathless sounds from you as his tongue glides against yours. The kiss feels familiar and brand new at the same time, like dejavu in the best possible way.

Breaking away for a chance to breathe allows Kieran to drop kisses like dewdrops across your jaw. You smile when he nibbles softly at the skin of your neck, already unable to contain himself. 

“I said cuddles only tonight my darling,” you remind him. “You're pushing your luck. Behave or I'll make you stay in the spare room tonight.” 

Kieran's laugh is full and throaty. You've missed the true sound of his laughter, without it being distorted by a speaker. “That's an empty threat if I ever heard one. If I was a betting man, my money would be on us falling asleep right here on this sofa.” 

In the end, Kieran turns out to be correct. Neither of you moves an inch as the sun sets, your urgent emails suspended in time while you're safely wrapped up in your boyfriend's loving, tanned arms. 

[feralkwe]

whenever you're ready: what the FUCK did Terry Goodkind do to you 😭😭

*cracks knuckles*

hoo boy. are you ready? because the things i am about to say are objective fact and not up for dispute. some of them are mean, but rest assured i mean every word.

terry goodkind created a sweeping and gorgeous world full of magic, ruled by incredible, complex, powerful women. some of the women remain to this day some of my favorite characters in all of fiction. the confessors could compel the truth with a power based in utter love. the mord-sith, could turn pain into power, making them fierce warriors (first antagonists, later allies). sisters of the light, powerful sorceresses who train young wizards and protect sacred prophecies, and their evil counterparts, sisters of the dark. it's just layered with so many amazing women. good. evil. everything in between.

and then he shits all over them.

he brutalizes them with all sorts of sexual abuse. the second book features an evil wizard who uses nipple magic to defile and control women who he deems impure. it's implied, if not outright stated, that the mord-sith are all sexually abused. in book three, kahlan amnell, the mother confessor, is forced to marry and sleep with a man who is not richard, and then richard spends forever punishing her for it, even though it was against her will. he kills one of the only two lesbians in the series, which was my first "bury your gays" experience. richard has a sister who is "pristinely ungifted" (immune to all magic, which i ate up with a fucking spoon as a concept) and she, too, was manipulated and brutalized to further richard's narrative. nicci becomes the most powerful sorceress in the entire world, but spends most of the story being abused, sexually and physically, and the rest in unrequited love with richard in the most egregiously shitty love triangle ever. the last two books are just brutalization porn, detailing every horrific way kahlan is beaten and tortured. every single powerful woman is brought violently down, often through rape. always through violence.

and as if this wasn't bad enough, the entire series is a libertarian allegory. it's not subtle. it's filled with self-aggrandizing conservative-lite morals entrenched in purity bullshit. goodkind was a huge fan of ayn rand, and his penchant for writing richard giving three page monologues that could have all been summed up as "hey idiots, i am right and you are wrong" demonstrate that with astonishing deftness. magic becomes some metaphor for everything that is wrong with the world and society in the clumsiest way possible, until the world must literally be split in two in order to create a libertarian non-magical utopia.

if that wasn't enough, he was so insufferable about everything. he created a rich and detailed fantasy world then constant bemoaned being called a fantasy author. he felt it was beneath him and his talents. he remained pretentious about speculative fiction while profiting from it.

oh, he also famously threw a massive tantrum about one of his later book covers, insulting the cover artist openly and publicly. if you know anything about publishing, you know that authors getting any input over their cover is a huge privilege. so he was a massive asshole, too.

never in my life have i had such a complex relationship with a book series. it has so many spectacular things going for it, but goodkind couldn't step off his own dick. he took himself way too seriously, overused lazy tropes (richard was the most powerful wizard ever but only ever used his powers at the most convenient moment when only a deus ex could save his hole-ridden plot), and can't write a sympathetic protagonist to save his life. idk how you write such amazing women while obviously having disdain for them. some kind of asshole magic, i guess.

anyway, this just scratches the surface. any single thing here would be annoying on its own, and combined it is just exhausting. idk how i suffered through the whole series apart from my commitment to these characters i loved despite his every effort to make the rest of the story unbearable. my one life's regret is that he died never knowing what a hack i think he was. he probably wouldn't have cared because obviously i am inferior to him in every way, but i lament he will never know.

anyway, fuck him.

[vancilocs]

5-15 fooor you said dragon argon is fine so royce and dorian, and fenris and adair?

she inquisits on my origin til i 2

Who is most likely to carry the other?

Dorian spends too much time at the bookshelves and Royce will pick him up and bring him along, one arm or no. No hope Dorian could pick him up though

Don't think Fenris would agree to being carried unless he's the one climbing on Adair first, rare thing. However I fully believe Fenris is strong enough to pick Adair up if he so wanted

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Dorian likes Royce's eyes and brows mainly because it's so fun to watch him think So Hard about something (like trying to solve an astrarium) and then see his expression change when he figures it out. Royce likes Dorian's hands, nose and mouth. His nose crinkles when he gets pissy.

Adair likes Fenris's nose and eyes (they're pretty eyes, everyone can see that), Fenris likes Adair's whole profile and shoulders

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Dorian got nervous and likely kept thinking of a way out before he got in too deep, Royce having been raised to hopefully become a templar or a priest was slightly conflicted abt having gay thoughts about a weird Tevinter mage everyone keeps warning him about. But he was cute. And nice.

Fenris freaked the fuck out and Adair felt slightly bad because he's a mage and Fenris hates mages... but he's receptive so it should be okay...

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Dorian drops amatus multiple times in one conversation (as seen in Trespasser, though I wonder if he was just noticing Royce was pissed off abt him leaving and trying to placate him), Royce says my love/darling/dear/sweet well often. But always with "my" in front. Like when Dorian calls him a headache he will remind that I'm your headache, babe

Fenris says amatus, Adair has no clue what it means but it sounds positive so he won't pry. He says Hawke when mad. Adair says Fen when in private, love when sappy. His default mood is angry so that's when he just uses the full name

Who worries the most?

All the shenanigans Royce gets into certainly won't help Dorian's blood pressure, double that when he's playing with bombs, quintuple it when his arm tries to kill him so Dorian's overvigilant over Royce's physical health. But Royce also keeps an eye on Dorian's wellbeing (being a magister/archon can't be easy) and also an eye out for possible assassins lurking about

Hawke has the uncanny ability to get from the frying pan into the fire, and Fenris would have killed himself to follow him to places like Skyhold and Adamant. Adair did get gutted by the Arishok that one time so

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Royce doesn't have a fancy palate, chicken nuggies for him please. Dorian makes him try new things (and not embarrass him)

If they went to restaurants they'd likely just eat the same thing as always. Though Adair would sometimes recommend other things he thinks Fenris might like (Fenris can recommend wines then)

Who tops?

Likely Royce but switches happen, oh you had a rough day at the Magisterium? Top me about it

Whoever wants to

Who initiates kisses?

Both as readily

Fenris more often, tugs at Adair's sleeve

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Royce, just has to make sure he's on the correct side, holding his prosthesis does nothing for him

Probably Fenris, strikes me as the more tactile guy. Also Adair respects that he might have hangups about being held all of a sudden/the lyrium is touch-sensitive

Who kisses the hardest?

Royce by a small margin, wants to take everything out about the fairly brief times they have together

Fenris, Adair is aware of being huge and pretty strong and doesn't wanna get too rough. But also answers equally to however hard Fenris pounces on him

Who wakes up first?

Royce probably, he's on the move plenty and likes to start early. Got workouts to do and bombs to tinker with. It's not hard to convince him to stay in bed though

I imagine Fenris is very alert after years of being on the run and gets up early. Adair isn't the most relaxed guy either but can sleep in a bit easier. Just shove yourself under his giant arm and go back to bed.

[bitches-who-write]

Okay, I’ve never asked for a ship and I’m not sure if I’m doing this correctly. I’m 5’4 (162.56 cm) girl with a dark brown buzzcut. I’m a fourth Indian and three fourths black. I’m about 130 pounds (58.967 kilograms). I identify as demisexual. I’m outspoken, lazy and (apparently) a natural-born leader. I don’t believe in gender norms and try to stay openminded when meeting new people for the first time. I’m also incredibly introverted to the point where distant relatives are genuinely surprised to see me at family reunions. I’m academically gifted and have been a straight-A student all my life despite rarely studying. I also have a big ego. I have a soft spot for animals (especially cats) and prefer them over most people. Ironically, my favorite foods are cheeseburgers and hotdogs. I’m never seen smiling unless I like someone and love to make fun of people. Not with the intention of being mean. Just in a more sarcastic way. My classmates, teachers and my four out of my five siblings view me as the “one in charge”. I also refuse to do anything I don’t have to or want to do. Especially if someone could just as easily do it themselves. My relationship with my parents isn’t good largely due to my father’s lack of interest and my mother being a (former) cocaine addict. Which Bowers member/members would you ship me with?

You did this perfectly!! We're happy to be your first ;)

We ship you with...Belch!!

We've mentioned this in previous posts but just because he isn't as fucked up as Patrick or Henry.

That doesn't mean he isn't a dick.

But out of all the guys...he's probably the most respectful...

He isn't a leader..you saw how he got bitched around by Henry??

He doesn't have a leading bone in his body.

...Maybe he likes to be ordered around??

He will try to stand his ground when it comes to people ordering him around...

He folds so fast.

He thinks it's better to just do it than have to deal with people bitching at him.

This also goes for being outspoken.

He is kinda just there as the wheels.

Tbh I don't even think they actually respect this man.

Belch doesn't really strike me as an introvert but he also isn't extremely extroverted either? He's a good in-between.

So this works out for both of you.

He's always down to hang out at home with you, but he is also really good at getting you out of the house.

Don't worry tho..he always tries his best to make sure everything stays lowkey.

The key word is tries.

You don't make fun of people to be mean but he does.

He will say something about everyone. It gets worse tho when someone says something to you first.

The man knows how to fuck up someone's day.

He learned this from the guys.

LOVES CATS.

He most definitely has a soft spot for animals.

Random dates to the animal shelter.

You two spend hours there.

He has adopted a cat..or two.

HE CAN'T HELP IT. HE GOT ATTACHED.

Be prepared for him and the guys to come to you whenever they have a question they need the answer to.

He always has a smug fuckin look on his face.

It usually turns into a full real smile when he's around you.

Whenever he plans on coming to your house, he will always bring you food.

You don't even need to ask.

[unrequited-words]

6/19/24

Juneteeth

What pisses me off more than fucking ANYTHING . . .

When you go on social media, and all you've ever wanted in your life is to be included. This has to deal with his stepmom. She posted pictures of going to a water park/amusement park with all of the kids/cousins. I know we can't be invited to everything and I only get so much PTO off but they never fucking ASK us.

I received an email from work stating that the time I asked off is denied so I can do one of two things. I can wake up, work 3 hours and then go and get my step kids and spend 7 hours on the fucking road and have Sunday off to recuperate.

OR

Say, FUCK IT you have to drive, pick up your kids with the child we share while I work.

I should be getting more PTO in the next 2 weeks when I get paid again to replenish the time I have now off or have them take the points I received everyday by clocking in which is 200 I'm covered either way but I'm just like

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

He's recently been gaming with his best friend while I work and it's actually starting to really and I mean really piss me off. It's hard to hear customer at full volume with headphones trying to understand their order and how I can help them while he's gaming with his buddy and talking pretty loudly etc.

I had to go on mute today to shush him to basically say shut the fuck up and the weak ass bitch that I am apologized after and said sorry when I'm the only one working and the agreement was you watch our kid while I support family of five when sometimes it's usually a family of three.

It's really difficult when my daughter is almost four likes to scream and dance and jump when if I worked in the office it would be harder if I worked IN the office... I would never see my partner or my kid because I would spend the time commuting on a damn train and somehow walking to work and losing sleep so it's better that I work from home but working from home currently sucks and I shouldn't have to babysit a grown ass man and say could you tone it down a bit... So I can you I know, idk... maybe work?

What am I doing now? I am making dinner again. I might have another beer maybe I'm tired of having terrible and I mean terrible sleep

I'm tired that everything lies on my shoulders... bills, chores, dishes and laundry ... I asked him to vacuum last night which he was glad to do and he threw out his back and I felt like garbage because I know he's healing and he hurts... He threw out his back .. but I mean isn't that kind of in the job title of stay at home dad?

Some days, feel like I have another toddler. As soon as I get on break I ask him what can I do for you? What do you need? I also also make sure my kid is taken care of I also make sure she's fed, if she needs to go potty etc

I have zero and I mean zero FUCKING mom friends.

I have no female mom friends and this feels so and I mean so

FUCKING LONELY

I make too much money for state insurance... I cannot afford to go to the marketplace to insure myself and my kid when I'm not barely making rent were in a comfortable spot because of the dividend I got from work, and taxes but I also just spent $1,000 on parts for the car and his truck

When I want something like to get my feet done or to get my eyebrows done because he drives everywhere and I don't have a license it's hard for him and inconveniences him for. Aan hr or so for me ... I look like a dude

I'll probably delete this later because I have literally no one to bitch to

FUCK I NEED A VACATION and to be included

SO.BAD.

[heretherebedork]

If you could rate these characters based on how will the relationship with be to Mew and also what type of fucking will they gonna have, what? (Random thought but you could answer this)

Top

Ray

Boston

Boeing

Sand

Nick

Atom

Dan

See, the problem with this is knowing that there pretty much won't be any fucking and facing that, anon.

So instead I shall discuss this in terms of their relationship and their relationship alone and the future status. So let's see! (Rating, no ranking, just going in the order you gave me!

Top: Honestly, I'm torn on this. Mew claims to be giving Top a chance to prove himself but it also refusing to let go of his pain or actually forgive Top which makes their relationship a real struggle. But they're also both extremely stubborn so... I dunno. This could last their whole lives and, if Mew can ever actually find it in himself to forgive Top, could work. But first they both have to actually be their honest selves together. 6/10

Ray: We saw how that went. I don't think it could get better than that, only worse. If Mew found himself in another place where he felt like pursuing a relationship with Ray and Ray was in a place to accept it... it's gonna be dark and it ain't gonna be smooth and the spirals would never end. 4/10 in actuality, 8/10 for the mess.

Boston: I cannot even imagine this, honestly. Mew just would not. He can't forgive Top and he loves him, he's spent the entire show judging Boston for being himself and that would ruin any chance of any relationship. I just... even the mess doesn't allow for this to be more than, like, a hatekiss that they both regret. 1/10 but I want that hate kiss, damnit.

Boeing: Honestly? I like it. It'd be a competitive relationship full of two men who are sure they know what they want and have wanted and are very, very smart trying to constantly get the upper hand on each other. I actually think they could be great. I mean, Boeing would absolutely ruin it at some point because he is beautiful queer trash but I would watch every second. 10/10

Sand: I feel like Mew would spend a lot of their relationship judging Sand for making alcohol and for any not so savory jobs he does and that while they might be able to make it work, that Sand would find it very wearing. Sand also likes to take care of people and be needed and that's just not Mew. But I think they could end it friendly enough. 5/10 very typical college relationship

Nick: No. Mew has too many green flags for Nick and his red flags are too much in the moral direction. Nick would never. They could try but it'd end just like with Dan. Nick has his taste and it is not Mew shaped. 2/10 just a downgraded Dan

Atom: Can I be clear how much I want this to be canon? This is my new favorite ghost ship. Atom starts flirting with Mew and Mew tells Cheum and they both talk to him and Atom admits that he lied about Boston and not wanting to have sex with him but that is only because he wanted Boston to be monogamous with him!!! And they both approve and Cheum is convinced to give him a chance with Mew because Mew won't hurt him and they all live happily ever after. New best ghost ship, 11/10, no notes.

Dan: Could be cute. Dan is sweet and experienced and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He could handle Mew's drama and past and he could help him move forward with a relationship while also helping him mature. 7/10, would be fine but not drama

There we go! So my two favorite Mew ships are non canon and they are MewBoeing and AtomMew. I love them both. How do I get them made?

[rickktish]

Maybe it's because I'm a product of my time and place, idk, but sometimes the anti-car posts I see come across my feed get to me in a silly and purely emotional way. Because as much as I love the idea of implementing better public transit, both for the sake of the environment and for the impact it would have on citizen's wallets, I actually know that I personally would almost never use it.

Both for practical reasons, since my work covers an extremely broad area and I frequently drive over a hundred miles each way to and from work in a day, but also because my car is a part of my support system. It's a marker of my independence and ability to care for and provide for myself in spite of the fact that I can't live on my own. It's a safe space that belongs to me and isn't limited by someone else's ownership or control over that space. I bought it with my money, and I pay all the insurance and gas and repair costs. When I'm exhausted and feel alone and trapped I can literally just get in and go anywhere, and I don't have to worry about having a panic attack because someone can see me or hear me breathing or be annoyed that I'm taking up space, because it's my space and only mine alone. Sometimes that means driving around the block to the local park, sometimes that means going two or three miles to a grocery store, and sometimes that means picking a road and just driving in a straight line until I feel less crazy again, but none of that would be possible without my car.

I used to walk 20k+ steps in a day, and when I could do that maybe I could go on a walk to clear my head instead, but for the last three years going more than 3k steps in a single day means I have to spend the next day in bed recovering.

And yes, driving-- especially driving stick, which I prefer massively over automatic-- has its own toll. Today I wasn't able to drive the four hours each way it takes to go visit my brother at school like I had hoped because I drove two hours each way to work yesterday.

But because I spent yesterday driving, I got to spend today getting things done that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Today I walked around the kitchen to make myself food. I worked on daily tasks like cleaning and organizing, hell, I ate more than one meal today because I could actually get out of bed to do so. I can't do that on a day after I've had to walk around a lot.

If I lived in one of the "walkable" communities that have been cropping up all over my area, I would need to get myself a wheelchair to achieve the same level of independence I currently have, and likely still have less of it because I would need to plan around a whole different kind of fatigue from buying groceries or spending time with friends than I currently deal with. Driving five minutes to the store and spending a thousand steps there leaves me with more steps for things like showering and making dinner than walking five minutes to the store would, and that's so important to me. It's necessary in order for me to have the quality of life that I do, even as limited as I am by my body. I may not be able to work full time, but at least I can spend three days of my week doing a job that I love and value because I don't have to plan around distance from bus stops or adding public transit time to my already-fucked sleep schedule.

I don't know. Mostly I think I get a little bit tired of the posts that spend so much time denouncing the evils of personal cars and declaring that we have to replace them with public transit because I honestly think that ideally, we ought to plan for both. Public transit works really well for people living close together who don't go very far, and that needs to be supported better than it is in most places at present. It's also really good for people who need to go relatively far away at predictable and plannable times. But we shouldn't dismiss cars wholesale as evil; we need to try to strike a balance, for the sake of those whose lives or jobs aren't predictable and plannable, and for those who don't or can't live in communities structured for "walkability."

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

Hear me out stucky+edibles for the first time = absolutely bloated and gorged Steve and Bucky

First things first, I've never tried weed. I'm not of legal age yet, and I also have control issues 😎 I'm so cool, lmao.

So, I don't really have a desire to try weed, nor is weed isn't something I'm super interested in generally. I do have friends that LOVE weed, though. I have experience by proxy, not personal experience. Idk how accurate anything I write would be

That being said...

I do like intox kink 👀

And I bet weed (and specifically the side effect of the munchies) would amount to an absolute orgy of gluttony for Steve and Bucky.

The boys stoned equals constantly hungry boys. And constant hunger turns into constant feeding, or, at least, constant grazing. Never not doing the motion of hand-to-mouth, packing down. Always making up new combo foods, like the time they order too much domino's and too much McDonald's and decide the only way to solve the problem is to put their burgers and fries on their pizza and stuff it all down together. They're beached after that.

In general, no matter the occurrence of getting high, they end up being so fucking out of it.

Flying like kites yet remaining firmly on the ground, weighed down by all the extra weight they've put on since discovering the incredible world of edibles. They're so lazy, zoning out, and riding out their highs on opposite couches where they can take up all the space they need, just sitting back on their widening asses, pinned under gurgly guts. Arms supporting their dome-like bellies as if they're pregnant. Major food babies.

Also, sometimes, while chomping down edibles, they forget that they're eating edibles (they're just so good! they taste so good!) and so they go in hard on the snacks and end up much higher than they mean to. So, they also end up hungrier than they mean to. Getting higher and hungrier means they order and order and order all different types of takeout, plowing through it, not even recognizing how full they are (or how much money they're spending) until neither of them can move.

They can't sit up over their packed guts that hang out of the bottom of their extremely tight shirts and rip the seams of their sweatpants at the thighs, hips, down their ass, or wherever their extra weight can escape. Blowing up. They can't move around. Not at all 😮‍💨

And things are only going to get tighter from here because takeout is greasy and fattening and sugar and, just, full of all the worst things that taste the best. The worst things that're mouthwatering and that promote bloating. Steve and Bucky think they're round now? Just wait 30 minutes...

They'll be so big that they'll be amazed with themselves, caressing their own bellies, waxing hazy poetic words about how fit to bursting they feel. Heavy and stuck like whales. No! Like that ship that got stuck in that canal. Or, no, not like a ship, that's the wrong shape and not heavy enough. They're round and heavy like the whole planet. Earth. And, God, do you think Earth feels bloated before volcanos erupt? All that pressure. Wait, wait, wait, can you imagine swallowing the whole planet? It'd be so heavy and make you so round. And it'd be hot too, right? Like, the core is lava or whatever.

They're full and high and stupid, and it all makes them conk out into food comas pretty fast. By the time they wake up... it's time to start all over again.

Steve and Bucky waste all of their days high and stuffed. Is it really a waste when it feels so good, though???

Eventually, when they're forced to not eat any edibles for a whole day (and, Jesus, those 24 hours feel WAY longer than they should) for some event they absolutely cannot attend even a little high Steve and Bucky will look down at their bellies falling out of their clothes and pushing solidly into their laps, they'll look at each other and try to figure out where all this fat came from. All this blubber that's so soft and malleable and delectable when their stomachs aren't stretched to the max from having no pauses in their days' worth of eating. Their fat tummies are so cushy under exploring, sober hands. Do we really look like this? How did we not realize? How did we put on so much weight without noticing? Like, we were high, hell yeah, but how were we that high that consistently? And... why does it turn us both on so much?

(I just reread the ask and realized you asked for the first time they try edibles....... I'm so dumb lol. Oops. Not exactly what you wanted and super short, but I hope you enjoyed still ❤️)

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Listen, because you need to understand this. Americans are not voting to help you, or anyone in particular. "Harm reduction" is a nebulous ideal that can be stretched to mean doing everything the same, but maiming just one person instead of killing them. There is not not one item on the Democratic agenda that Democratic party would not remit in order to win, including bombing you into oblivion with or without nukes, and the voters are not willing or able to hold their representatives responsible for any one thing. (Or maybe, at this point, for anything at all. The Supreme Court, who are not elected and can't be overruled without legislation our Congress is incapable of passing, just made it almost impossible to do that, legally.)

People who are voting Biden (or whoever) reluctantly are doing it to slow down the decay, or at least to not speed it up way more on purpose - with hope that some nonviolent option for change becomes possible in the future. People who are doing it automatically or enthusiastically just feel safer with a blue President - if they have that, they won't go out of their way to help you, and if they don't, they're going to spend their energy yelling and screaming at their fellow Americans, whom they blame.

In the meantime, that unelected body of judges just okayed ALL the war crimes, at the President's discretion - ANY President. The one who has those powers right now is very, very angry that the establishment machine that got him into office is abandoning him, and he does not want to leave like they want him to.

No matter who wins this increasingly absurd shitshow, American voters will NOT have your back. Some of 'em are helpless, tired and scared... and some of 'em are mean and ignorant, but that doesn't make much difference to YOU. (It doesn't matter if I fucking HATE that, either. I'm just one useless ex-pat. This ain't about me.) If our President comes for you, we probably won't be willing or able to grab him and make him stop. Most of us don't want to get anywhere near a revolution anymore, or even a loud protest. We've been told those will kill SO MANY people and NOT EVEN HELP by folks who'd rather we just keep voting quietly, forever.

It took a long time to get this bad, but here we are, and the consequences are piling up fast. I don't know what you can do to keep yourself safe if and when this fading Empire goes full Nazi, but whatever it is, wherever you are, DO IT. Don't wait for America to grant you any grace. It doesn't have much left.

I am. So annoyed. That it feels like a moral obligation to remind Americans, people from a country I do not belong to but am influenced by every day, to vote to not terrorize the world with that shitbag orange man again. And that every post is about “don’t make this country worse for the people living in it” which is valid and true, but also, I see everyone worrying about him getting the nukes and invoking mutually assured destruction. The fear that America will get wiped off the map.

But I never see anyone asking others to vote blue, democrat, safe, whatever you call it, for the people the nukes would hit first. For us. For the people impacted by the US refusing to reduce emissions. For the people who would have to fight WWIII even after the US has long been reduced to rubble for a fight we didn’t start. For the people of the rest of the world.

Maybe it’s just my annoyance talking, maybe there’s a grain of truth to it, but for all that America forces everyone to know what their election means and who is fighting who, it always seems like we, the world, are expected to be silent spectators to it. An audience only sparingly interacted with for bit part extras when international commentary adds to the flavor of intranational drama. But when we’ve said the funny line or expressed the appropriate level of concern, we cease to exist in the American public eye.

Everyone in America seems to worry about when the world will fire nukes back. No one seems concerned about who their nukes would hit first.

[aafrillia]

CHAPTER 2: MOOD PITFALLS TO WATCH OUT FOR

A summary of the book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith

Have you ever found yourself eating a large amount of food or snacks, even when you’re not hungry? You just can't stop stuffing your mouth as if you’re trying to get the relief you need. To be frank, I have. Somehow, spicy food is what I always crave when I can’t stop eating. I’ll have geprek Lazatto for lunch, then find myself craving for Indomie Dower next, haha. A bit TMI, I’m obsessed with Indomie Dower, BUT I’m mostly sane so I don’t have it often, unless…unless I’m stressed.

Yes, you heard (read) it right. That happened when I felt overwhelmed. I just couldn’t get myself together which led me to having those red-hot meals. Well, I bet you know what came after I let my poor stomach digest it; I was in agony! No kidding, I got a really bad stomachache. I wasn’t lying when I said I felt like I was dying inside—it hurt like crazy!

I really shot myself in the foot there. Thought I was going to get the relief I sought, but ended up hurting myself. So stupid that I did it again every time I stressed-out, knowing full well what would happen next. Or… maybe I actually enjoy the pain? I’m not sure, but I did like the sensation when the red-hot chili touched my tongue.

What I did there is absolutely not a good way to handle stress.

According to Dr. Smith, when we feel a low mood, we tend to do whatever to make it go away as soon as possible. Our emotions are so mixed-up that we really want to get back to feeling okay, but in the process, we end up pushing our feelings away. We also have a tendency to distract ourselves by doing unnecessary things, such as what I did. I distract myself by overeating spicy food, while others might lose their appetite. Some might spend hours scrolling through social media, too much playing games or oversleeping. Worse, others might turn to alcohol or drugs for relief.

To tell the truth, those ways of coping only provide temporary relief. Once you sober up, shut your phone or PC—stop doing what you think can distract yourself from your feelings, it will just come back to bite you, for sure. And you know what, each time we go back to that vicious cycle, your feelings will come back even more intense.

Why do you think that happens? I believe it’s because we lack compassion towards our own needs, which includes not being honest with ourselves. If only we could be honest with ourselves; meaning addressing our feelings and how we respond to them, it’ll surely, at least, help us to find better ways in coping.

The following is several questions Dr. Smith put in her book to help us reflect on our coping strategies when we’re feeling down.

When feeling low, what are your go–to responses?

Do those responses provide instant relief from the pain and discomfort?

What effect do they have in the long term?

What do they cost you? (Not in money, but in time, effort, health, or progress.)

I will genuinely answer these questions.

When feeling low, what are my go-to responses? Straight up ordering spicy foods and eat it nonchalantly.

Do these responses provide instant relief from the pain and discomfort? I’m sure it only leads to more hurt, but physically, well at least it can distract me from those fucked-up feelings.

What effect do they have in the long term? My health, for sure. I literally hurt my stomach by eating those.

What do they cost me? Health and progress. As I get myself hurt, I definitely can’t get my work done.

There you go! One step at a time, but I’ll make sure that I’ll get ways to practice healthier coping mechanisms. Fingers crossed!

Wrapping up for now, next up is still chapter two, which will discuss thought biases that we often encounter when we’re feeling down. Cheerio!