#can't remember the last time i made one of those

[summertimesadnessirl]

They literally just want to pretend that the whole last 50 odd years never happened.

It's so weird. Like? What did you do that you are like this, buddy? Let's talk about it.

Are you upset because you got programmed from birth to believe sex is evil and now you can't get off unless you think God is mad at you and you're committing a crime and one of the people involved in the sex hates it?

Have you heard of BDSM? Because we can literally simulate that feeling just for you using technology for the rest of your life without you having to take over the entire government and kill off a bunch of nice kids with blue hair and shaved eyebrows or who go by a word that makes you think you can't be a naughty boy for wanting to have sex wearing clothes from a different gender occasionally, and those people literally don't care if you wanna be called slurs for doing that when you have sex, believe it or not.

What's your deal? Did it turn out you don't like sex, you just like the idea of something mysterious and otherworldly and pleasureable that nobody introduced you to that other people are totally doing? Because we can fix you right up with drugs and intentionally confusing poetry.

Yeah. You can even start your very own mystery cult if you want, as long as you don't commit genocide or anything. We can all pretend to not know about your mystery cult. We can all pretend to be bad guys from your mystery cult. We can play that game until you barely remember your own name, it's fine.

Do you just need someone to take care of you, like in a disability accommodation kind of way? Or like, are you working too many hours? We can't really fix that with bdsm. We can play that but typically the people doing bdsm only want to play that for a few hours at a time before they need a break, but have you heard about the wonders of automation?

Yeah. We can automate a lot of the stuff that stresses you out like cleaning your floors and paying your bills on time and reordering your prescriptions and your groceries and stuff. It would work better if the minimum wage was higher and the average person got paid more often than biweekly, and we still really need to design housing with a washing machine in the bathroom that washes and dries your clothes instead of putting them in the hamper, but look, we made a little guy who lives in your computer who can take every meeting that should have been an email and turn it into a bulleted list for you. We can also do this thing where he draws pictures of your boss experiencing cartoonish violence or turning into like a weird bug when you are being bullied and it can protect you pretty well from The Emails as well. Yes. I know. The emails are scary.

If your job is really stressing you out you should meet my new friend fully automated luxury communism sometime. Their idea is that we should automate all the jobs where it seems like most of your day is spent kind of hanging out hoping that your boss doesn't realize you aren't working and getting a super high cortisol level for no reason or filling out forms to send to people who use the forms to fill out other forms who get approval via some more forms to make a phone call to a guy who works 20 feet away and give everyone a dividend so that they can work fewer hours and hang out. Yeah, there are a lot of people who believe this who enjoy fighting over the details of that, it's their hobby and also they're all afraid if they don't fight one another a lot they'll turn evil. No, not the sexy kind of evil, the other kind.

Do you need clearly defined rules that you are supposed to follow in social situations in order to feel safe, but also bdsm isn't your thing because you also need other people to follow clearly defined rules? Have you tried video games, team sports, or tabletop games? You might like those.

Did someone hurt you when you were young and call it gender and you didn't realize it because you thought that was just a normal part of growing up and you are getting uncomfortable flashbacks about that time, but talk therapy super doesn't work for you because talking about it makes it worse? That's valid. Have you tried psychedelic drugs yet? Psychedelic drugs have been used to fix that problem and many others like it for generations and generations. Using the magic of psychedelic drugs, we can make sure that you feel totally fine and safe whenever you interact with people being raised in a different way than you were and even carefully obliterate all traces of your childhood trauma for decades at a time. We also can continue to give you more, if that works for ya.

There's really no reason to do nazi shit at all.

Btw, this is how conservatives keep getting to claim that trans people are a new thing no one has ever heard, because our history and existences have continually been erased or obscured systematically through out history.

The most famous example was 92 years when the Nazis raided the library of the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, the medical practice where the term transsexual was first coined and the first gender affirming surgery was performed in in 1931.

What did the Nazis do after raiding the library on May 6th, 1933? You may be familiar with these images

It is happening again.

[pomefioredove]

Can I have a chocolate cookie, #1, with frosting and chestnuts? :3

HEHE ofc! actually the first thing I've written in ages that I actually really like :3

order #1, chocolate with frosting, chestnuts

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in sickness and in health

summary: just a little cold tropes: only one bed, sic fic characters: rollo additional info: romantic, gender neutral reader, reader is yuu, cuddling

Infernal cold.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Rollo coughs into the sleeve of his student council robes, snot and spit darkening the fabric.

He can't remember the last time he's been such a mess.

It must have been one of those Night Raven College devils. He hasn't been this sick since-

"President, you look unwell," his vice president says, hand on his hip. "Are you ill?"

"Absolutely not. I'm perfectly well,"

His voice is hoarse and scratchy. Each breath of cold air stings the back of his throat, and yet he can't breathe through his nose...

"You were up all night clearing the school of fire lotuses. You're exhausted," says his aide.

"I'm fine,"

"President,"

It's a losing battle (he just cannot win any, lately), and his defeat is spelled in the embers of the dying fire in his room.

The door is locked from the outside, a chair placed under its handle. To keep him in, as if he were an animal... though, it wasn't without reason. Rollo would work himself to death if he were allowed. Temperance has never been kind to him.

"Rollo?"

He jolts at the sound. Surprise is an odd look on the council president, but he's had a lot of it, lately.

Especially from you.

"What are you- who let you in here?" he asks. You look just miserable- tired and dull, sniffling and coughing just like...

...Well, him.

But, (and this is what Rollo was truly fixated on), you are miserable in his room. In his bed.

"Your, um... vice president put me in here. Quarantine. It's the only dorm room with a fireplace, for warmth, he said..."

Damn it.

"I see," Rollo sniffles, and dabs his handkerchief under his nose. "I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling unwell."

"You don't sound too good, either,"

True enough. Rollo allows himself the indulgence of sitting close to you, his hands folded neatly in his lap.

"I seem to have come down with a cold, yes. Do your... friends know you're here?"

"I don't know,"

Good, he thinks. The last thing he needs is to be accused of holding their beloved pet prisoner in-

Rollo stiffens. He feels you tug at his sleeve again, thrice more, like a small child, or a petulant goat...

"What is it?" he asks, voice almost trembling, "Can I get you something?"

Another tug. You pull his hand out of his lap. You're asking him to come closer.

Rollo feels his body still.

If he weren't already so pale from sickness, he certainly would have gone white.

"...Is that truly what you want?"

You nod.

"What would your friends think?"

"They aren't here,"

Rollo's heart thrums in his chest. There's something so... satisfying about that. He wants to hear you say it again...

"Are you certain?"

"They won't know," you insist. "I think you need it, too."

Rollo would, in health and the right state of mind, dislike having such assumptions made about him. Even if they're entirely correct.

Luckily, he's not exactly lucid, and your offer is almost as tempting as the sight of the blankets over your body.

"Very well," he concedes, as if it were a chore, and he removes his shoes and hat and lies beside you.

It's as if you were never strangers. Or, perhaps, as if you were- as if you had just forgotten about all that he'd done and said in the past two days. Your arms come around his waist, holding him to you, your head on his shoulder.

His head on yours.

You're warm. So is he. It's the sickness, he tells himself, but he does allow himself this one fantasy, that your warmth is from each other.

"Comfortable?" he mutters. You nod against him.

"Hm. Then I'm pleased. I did say that I would make sure you enjoyed your time here, after all- in sickness and in health."

[daydaydayrk420]

Imagine whatever beetlejuice you guys want. I'm going with this one. Also i know that the picture on the right is probably a girl but we gotta deal with it because i couldn't find a better one. And i hope you guys like the changes i made. :)

Ew

Beetlejuice x male reader

⚠️major age gap, but who's counting after 100, right? Blow job, cock warming, oral fixation ⚠️

🚨minors and girls do not interact 🚨

Whispers.

That's all y/n hears when he's in the attick.

"Come on, sugar, i know you want it." The deep mucky voice called out from the towns sculpture.

Y/n looks up from his sketchbook. His eyes land on the mini figure of the poltergeist.

"For the last time off-brand Joker. I'm not calling your name."

Let me take you back a couple of hours. Or days. Who knows? Y/n isn't counting.

Y/n Deetz. Oldest kid of Charles Deetz.

Him and his family have just moved into an old house in Winter River.

Why is a 19-year-old still living with his family, you ask? Because he's 19. Why would he move out at 19? He's not even employed.

Anyway.

Lydia and y/n weren't too opposed to moving in. They actually liked it. Before their stepmother turned it into a modern house nightmare.

But after a couple of months Lydia and her brother found out that this place is haunted.

Thing is. Lydia found a lovely couple Adam and Barbara. But y/n? He found a weird green haired ant in the attic that just won't shut up. And even then? Y/n can't stay away. Why?

"Oh, come on, sugarplum, ya know that you want to." The tiny figure said as he leaned on his headstone.

"Nah I don't think I do." That's a lie. And they both know it.

It's not like the beetle man can't see the sketches y/n is drawing. Those definitely aren't pornographic sketches of said beetle man.

The green haired man groans with frustration. "Are you toying with me or do you not remember my name?" He asks annoyed.

Both. But y/n doesn't want to answer that. "You'll never know."

"Y/n! Dinner is on the table!" Lydia yelled from the bottom of the attic stairs.

"Well that's my que. Goodnight Mr freaky." Y/n said and took his sketchbook downstairs.

The green haired man groans in frustration and punched a tree that falls over. Not because he's strong. But because it's a plastic tree.

A couple of days pass and y/n is still refusing to say the name.

He promised himself he'd never do it. But...

Last night something happened.

Y/n sits up panting. What the fuck was that.

He looks down and sees a wet circle on his boxers. He groans and rubs his face. "What the fuck am I dreaming of..." He mutters to himself.

That's when he realized he was still hard. He stares in between his legs as he holds his head. His face is blank as he tries to process the situation.

He lays down. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His hand travels down his chest to his belly and eventually his boxers.

"Fuck..." He groans as he palms himself.

Those hands.

That tongue.

That voice.

"You alright sugar?" That rumbling and cocky voice fills the room. Or at least y/n thinks it fills the room. But it's in his head.

"Let me help you with that" he said with sickening eagerness. But nonetheless. Y/n imagined how the older man kneels in between his legs.

"y/n!" Lydia's voice snaps the daydreaming man out of his thoughts and looks towards the door.

"What!" He yelled back trying to sound calm.

"You're going to be late for class!" Shit. Y/n thought to himself. It's his first day at his new school, and he's already late.

He hurriedly gets out of bed and rushes to the bathroom to clean himself up and wash his face.

He splashed cold water into his face and cleaned his eyes. Once he looks into the mirror he lets out a brief yelp when he sees the poltergeist standing behind him with his sick smirk and a clear bulge in his pants.

But when y/n turns around he sees nothing. He quickly looks back into the mirror. It was just his imagination.. he hopes.

The day doesn't get better from there on for y/n. Anywhere he goes it's like the ghost is with him. He sees him in pictures. Reflections. Faces. Everywhere. He feels like he's going mad.

So the moment he gets home. He throws his bag in his room and rushes to the attic.

But when he storms in he freezes in place when he sees Adam and Barbara talking with Lydia.

He stands there awkwardly pondering whether he should leave or ask what they're doing.

"I'll just..." Y/n trails off as he turns to the door again.

"Actually no you should stay. You should know this too." Adam said. The younger man nods and closes the door.

Once he's next to Lydia he looks at the couple.

They sigh. "If you see him. Or his ads again. Do not call him." Barbara said as she placed the bio exorcist poster on the chair. Y/n looks at it finally realising what this is about.

"Why?" He questions.

"He's not a ghost.. he's a demon. He's disgusting.-" "And he's really horny." Adam added to Barbara's explanation.

"... right." Y/n mumbles.

"How do you know that?" Lydia questions.

"We called him once... It was a mistake..." Barbara sighed.

"Do we have to be near him to call him?" Y/n asked as he got an idea.

"No I don't think so... That's why you should be more careful." Adam said.

The siblings nod and look at the town's sculpture.

"Can we go now? I have some homework I gotta do." Lydia asked. Adam and Barbara nod and let the siblings leave.

Once y/n is locked in his room he flops on the bed. He closes his eyes. But even then his mind isn't at peace as all he sees is that mossy face.

His eyes snap open. That's it.

"Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice."

Poof. The chubby moss man appeared right in front of y/n's bed.

He looks around while y/n watches him. What did he just do. Fuck fuck fuck fu

"Fuck" y/n said without thinking. Beetlejuice looks at him with his sick smirk.

"If that's what you wish to do then I'm all willing." The bug man said with his sickly confident voice.

Y/n watches him stunned. Why is he suddenly frozen? He literally dreamt of this last night and all day.

"Oh, come on, pretty boy, don't say you don't want this," BJ said with a smirk as he turned around and squeezed his ass. Y/n obviously stared. And the green-haired man knows it.

"Beetle-" "Ah ah ah!" BJ hissed and jumped on the bed to cover the younger man's mouth. "Don't you dare say my name."

That's when y/n laughed. BJ looked at him with confusion. Y/n reached up and removed the man's hand from his mouth.

"Ya know guys usually say to scream their name when they're about to be intimate." He said with a chuckle.

The beetle man can't help but chuckle too.

"Well, we don't want me disappearing while we're in the middle of having fun, now do we." He said with a smirk and slowly positioned himself over the younger man.

Y/n watched with a smirk. Oh, this greenhead thinks he's topping? Ha!

Y/n lifts a hand, tangles it in the green grass hair, and pulls him down towards his crotch. "How about I call you BJ? Hm?" He said as he used his free hand to undo his belt.

"BJ?" The green-haired man scoffed. "Yeah..BJ. because that's what you're going to give me right now," Y/n said as he lowered his pants just enough for his dick to spring free.

And right on comical timing, y/n feels something poking his leg that the green-headed man is conveniently straddling.

"Oh come on now. Where's all that sickening confidence?" Y/n said with a smirk as he watched the poltergeist look at his cock nervously.

"oh no. Have you never sucked a guy off?" Y/n teased.

BJ gulped and looked up at the younger man before shaking his head. That only made y/n smirk and tug at those green locks of hair. "Let me guide you."

With his free hand, he takes hold of himself, and with the hand In BJ's hair, he tugs him closer. "Start off with kisses or licks." And as ordered, the green-haired guy did. He gives a nervous kiss to the tip and looks at the younger man.

Y/n hums in approval. BJ nods and keeps going. He kisses the tip again before his lips make their way down the shaft.

"Just like that," the younger man grins, and he watches the bug man try his best to please him.

"Open your mouth," Y/n ordered. And BJ did just that. He watches as the younger man grabs the base of his dick and lines up with his awaiting mouth.

The green-headed man sticks his tongue out eagerly.

And before he knows it y/n's tip is pushing past his teeth and all the way down his throat. He can't help but gag at the unfamiliar sensation.

Soon enough the green-headed man starts to hump y/n's shin. The younger man watches with hooded eyes. The bug man's mouth feels way better than the younger man imagined.

"You're doing so well. So so well." He pants as he starts thrusting up into that nasty mouth. BJ gags but pushes himself to take more of the younger man deeper down his throat.

Y/n uses both of his hands to hold the head of green mop of hair in place.

He thrusts up urgently. Using all his pent-up tension from the day to chase his relief. The deeper his dick goes the more desperate Beetlejuice's humps become.

"Are you enjoying yourself, bug boy? Is your sick mind getting off of this?" Y/n said between grunts as he thrusts up with fervor.

"Fuck!" The younger man said and his hips stilled.

BJ's eyes widened as he felt the familiar texture of cum filling his mouth. He tries his best to swallow. He doesn't want a single drop to get wasted.

As he swallows he looks up at y/n for praise. But all he gets is the view of that pretty face. Those pretty lips were wet and swollen as they parted to get more air. Those pretty eyes rolled back and hooded as the intensity of his climax shook through his body.

Bj feels pain all around his scalp because of how tightly y/n is holding onto his hair.

But the green-haired man's hips haven't stilled. In fact his humps might've gotten even more desperate.

It's been so long since Beetlejuice felt this good. And fuck he can't last for long.

And he doesn't. His arms wrapped around the younger man's thigh, and he buried his face into the bush of pubic hair at the base of y/n's dick. Yes. He still has his mouth full of dick.

Y/n gasps when he's now all down BJ's throat. He's so sensitive. He looks down to check on the demon. But all his eyes focus on is how the poltergeist's shirt rolled up and how he now has the perfect view of how his ass bounces.

Y/n groans and grips BJ's hair tightly when he feels the poltergeist moan around his dick as he climaxes into his underwear.

His hips still. So does his body. His eyes close as he holds onto y/n's leg like he's afraid to let go.

Y/n runs his fingers through the grassy hair and waits. But BJ doesn't move. So the younger man carefully tugs the older man's head up to pull him off of his dick.

But BJ shakes his head and bops his head back down.

"Wha-" y/n gasps. "You don't want to pull off?" He asks. The green headed man shakes his head.

The younger man sighs. "Alright then." He gets comfortably on the bed and runs his fingers through the older man's hair.

Beetlejuice relaxes and rests his head on y/n's hip while he enjoys the weight on his tongue.

They enjoy the silence. But the silence gets too suspicious. Y/n looks down and sees that the poltergeist has fallen asleep.

Damn him.

Y/n is going to be in so much trouble if anyone finds out about them.

But he's too tired to think about that. So he laid his head back and closed his eyes. Maybe this time he won't have another wet dream.

[kero-cure]

Yuki Hayama answered my question and my appreciation comment reached to him

This is sequel (or prequel?) of my latest post. And this is a big thing for me that I can't keep it to myself.

Last year around before Christmas, Stardust Promotion (Yuki's agency) announced that they opened a Q&A box to ask Yuki about Boonboomger. So I decided to sent some questions to him. For fun, I think. Because my luck aren't that good when it's about this lol.

And today, The video was out. I was so distracted by Haruhi's surprise appearing so I didn't check the q&a answering video. (lol) But when I checked... WAIT!? THAT'S MY QUESTION!!??

My question was...

Hello, Hayama-kun. I'm fan from overseas. At first I'm Ishiro fan but the more I watch (Boonboomger), The more I like you too. So, As I read your previous interviews, I saw you trying your best to understand Ishiro's character and give so much effort to acting perfectly as him. Did you have times that you couldn't understand him? If you had, What's your solution? Finally, I have something to tell you too. I really appreciate you for how you doing your best in your acting. I'm so glad that Ishiro Meita is portrayed by Yuki Hayama. And I'm looking forward for your future.

That was pretty long because it have my appreciation comment towards him lol. Details is similar to this post if you could remember.

His answer that he gave me is, Actually it was very rare for him to understand Ishiro easily in one time script-reading. If he have a problem to understand his role, He'll think back to the words, settings and guideline that he received from director. And he'll create his way to act based on those.

The hardest time for him to understand Ishiro is this scene in EP 14. He was surprised when he heard about how Ishiro cried because of the fishes in the aquarium and he was struggle to understand. But in the end he though about those based settings, Reanalyze him again and finally he found the way and his background to understand him.

Finally he gave a feedback to my comment that I said "I'm glad that Ishiro is portrayed by you"

What you said to me make me happy for sure. Thank you very much.

And his smile made my heart fluttered. I feel like my feeling of love, thankful and respect towards him reached to him directly and finally I can return something to him who's being part of my happiness for a long time.

Full video is here. My question is on 6:30. Make sure to watch this before February 16th, 23:59 PM (JST). I already downloaded it of course.

Since my birthday is near, I'll take this as one of my early birthday present. I love you so much, My boy. I'll keep continue support you from now on.

[dreamingofep]

Returning to Your Angel🥀

A Phantom of the Opera x Elvis fic

Prompt: After fleeing the Opera House unexpectedly five years ago, you're back hoping to start a new chapter. But your undeniable attraction to the Phantom makes your life more complicated than you hoped.

TW: Tension!!!

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: Hi everyone! I can't wait another moment to keep this fic from you all! I'm so excited for you all to read this and hope you love it as much as I do. For those of you new to my blog, I'm sure you can tell I have a love for Elvis and thought he'd be a great Phantom🤭 Picture whoever you want in this role but he's who I had in my head while I wrote this. Feel free to let me know if you want me to add you to my taglist for this fic!

♱

Paris, 1881

The gust of the cool fall air made your skin prickle as you stood on the steps of the Opera Populaire. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You were nervous to be back here. It had been five years since you last took steps into this building. So much transpired to make you leave. You always considered it your home and didn’t want to leave right away, but you thought it would be a good idea to start a new chapter and get away from this place… at least for a little while. 

You danced on beautiful stages in London during this time, but something about the Opera House’s stage called you. You needed to be back in this beautiful place. Not only did you know you would be welcomed back, you were truly missed. No one wanted you to go and it was a painful decision to leave the life you made here. You had lived here with the other ballerinas since you were twelve and in a way, it was the only home you had left. You didn’t have any other family anymore and here you were at twenty-one, running back to the only home you had left.

You shakily pull the heavy door and walk inside the grand entrance. Your boots clicked on the polished marble floor and dozens of candelabras lit the whole room. It was more breathtaking than you remembered. Every inch of this place sparkled and made it feel like you were walking through a palace. You take your time walking in, absorbing every detail, and see nothing has changed since the last time you were here. But then, you freeze in your tracks. The grand staircase was lined with roses on the stair’s rails, vined like ivy through the banister.

He couldn’t have possibly known you were coming back, did he? No, it’s impossible. The only person who knew was Madame Giry, the head ballet teacher. You made her promise to not tell a soul, and that included him. You were just being paranoid and needed to calm down. You couldn’t lose your head like this. Not again. 

You see a single red rose on the first step of the staircase. You look around and see no one in sight. Your heart can’t help but gallop at the sight and know it’s meant for you. It was a strange coincidence if it wasn’t. You set your two suitcases down and pick up the rose. Oh, it smelled so sweet and fragrant. The shade was an impossibly deep crimson and only a certain kind you’ve seen here in the Opera House. You would receive dozens of these after a great performance in your dressing room. The smell of them would never leave your senses. 

Your fingers lightly spin the rose back and forth between your thumb and index finger and watch the petals expand, making it look more full and illustrious. You suddenly wince when a thorn in the stem pricks your finger, making the faintest cut there where blood pebbles out from. You quickly bring it to your mouth and suck on it, stopping the bleeding. You feel foolish. It hasn’t been more than five minutes and you’re causing a mess for yourself. 

You tuck the stem of the rose into your bag and make your way to the office where Madame Giry will be waiting for you. It didn’t take you long to remember where her office was. It was down the hall of the entryway to the theater and had the letter G on the door. You quietly knock on the door, waiting for her to let you in. 

“Come in,” you hear her say solemnly. 

You twist the doorknob and walk into the low-lit office. Books lined the walls and in the corner was her desk, papers sprawled across it. She gives you a warm smile and quickly gets up from her chair, clasping her hands together at her chest. She wore a black bustled dress that had a high neckline and her hair was perfectly tied back in a bun. 

“Oh Christine, it is just marvelous to see you,” she says gleefully. You set your bags down on the floor and she hugs you tightly. She had so much compassion and love when she hugged you. You viewed her as a motherly figure because of how sincere she always was toward you. 

“It’s been too long. How have you been?” You ask. 

“Well. It’s great to have you back, it hasn’t been the same since you left,” she says. 

“I’ve missed this place, there’s no other stage like it.”

She glances at your bags on the floor and pauses when she sees the rose sticking out of your bag. You look at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something about it. 

“I take it you found his welcome present,” she says low, almost like a whisper. 

Your heart sinks, hating that your instincts were right from the moment you saw it. You can’t help but be a bit frustrated with her response. You specifically told her not to tell anyone! And that meant him too. 

“You told him?” You say flatly, making sure to keep your voice low. 

She takes a step back from you, seeing how upset you’re becoming. 

“No, I didn’t. But you know he has his ways. This is his Opera House, he knows everything that happens in these walls whether we want him to know or not.” 

You tried to remain calm but you couldn’t help but grow angry. You wanted to keep your distance from him as much as it was possible. You knew it was going to be hard, but you didn’t want him to infiltrate your life again. It was overwhelming.

“I don’t want to see him,” you say looking at the rose, trying to hide how much this is making you upset. 

“I’m afraid that’s not up to you my dear. You know he has his ways. Not even I can denounce his wishes,” she says solemnly. 

You take a deep breath and slowly let it out, hating how this is your welcome in the first ten minutes of being here. 

“I came here to dance, not be his little puppet,” you say through your teeth. 

Her eyes grow shocked and quickly covers your mouth with her hand. She looks up to the ceiling fearful, holding her breath and staring back at you with an intensity that makes your skin crawl. 

“Don’t you dare speak of your Angel that way. His wrath would reign over all of us if you disobey him.”

Thanks for reminding me, you think begrudgingly. 

You pull her hand off of your face and step back. 

“I’m not a fool, I know this place is his. I’m here to perform for the people. I must make that clear.” You pick up your bags and are ready to be done with this conversation. Everything else said would only make you more upset. 

“When is rehearsal?”

Her lips form into a straight line, clearly not pleased with your attitude. 

“7 am. Do not be late.”

*

You shortly arrived to the dormitories and you have one of the few rooms to yourself. You secretly wanted to share a room and be with the other ballerinas but Madame Giry gave you the small room to yourself until someone else came along to share the bedroom with you. You didn’t want the special treatment. It could cause drama with the others and that was the last thing you needed. 

The room was small and colorless. There was only space for two small beds and a nightstand that had three drawers. A small window was above your bed that was level to the street. It was getting late so hardly anyone was walking the streets. You unpacked your bags and tried to make yourself at home. It was hard though. You remembered how you felt when you first came here over ten years ago. The fear of being in a new place terrified you. You have similar feelings this time too. 

The sight of the dozens of roses as you walked in jarred you and the fact that no one told him you were coming scared you to bits. How did he know? You were terrified that he somehow was more powerful than the last time you saw him. It was something you didn’t understand. How could one man yield such power? You didn’t want to be fearful of him. He was just a man. But he was a man that brought out a different side of you. 

He taught you how to use your voice and get better every time you would visit him. This granted you new roles in productions here at the Opera House. You had always been the shy, quiet, ballerina when you first got here but the more time you spent with him, the more fearless you felt. The more confident you became. 

But now you were back at the beginning. You were fearful. Fearful of seeing him. You left this place without warning and you could not imagine the anger that he felt. You get underneath the blankets and pull them all the way to your chin. You try to expel that thought out of your mind and close your eyes. You had to get some sleep. You wanted to get to rehearsals early and make a good first impression. There were a lot of girls you hadn’t met before and you hoped it would be a smooth transition. 

You must have tossed and turned for hours. A cold sweat formed on your temples even though you were shivering on this cold January night. Every time you closed your eyes, you felt this force over you, like a shadow watching you sleep. You knew it was all in your head but you couldn’t shake it. You even left your lantern on to illuminate the dark room.  This dark feeling wouldn’t escape you and before you knew it, the sunlight started to creep in and that dark, claustrophobic feeling left you. You finally closed your eyes and got the most minuscule amount of sleep before rehearsals. 

* 

You felt a bit rusty. Your turns weren’t clean and you couldn’t find any balance. It probably didn’t help that you were sleep-deprived. You tried to snap yourself out of the haze you found yourself in. Madame Giry was tough on you, reprimanding you over the slightest mistake you made. You knew she was still upset about your conversation yesterday but she also knew you were better than this. Making silly mistakes wasn’t like you. 

You tried to mingle with the other girls but it was hard. They heard about you and how you got leading roles. It was jealousy that tainted the first impression of you but you couldn’t let it shake you. It would be nice to make friends again here but you came to dance. That was what made you happiest of all. 

A familiar face brightened your day as you were about to leave for the day. It was Raoul, dressed in tails and a black top hat. He looked so dapper and it was so nice to see him. He was another person you didn’t say a proper goodbye to before you left. You’ve always considered him your childhood sweetheart. It was more flirtatious than anything. You always thought he was good looking and he was always there for you in hard times. 

“Raoul!” You say excitedly. His face lights up when he sees you. He pulls you into his arms and hugs you tightly. 

“Oh my gosh do my eyes deceive me?! You’re back! You’re really back!”

“Yes! I was homesick and just had to come back!”

“It’s so great to see you Christine, I really missed you.”

“Me too, I’m sorry I left so suddenly last time,” you say timidly. 

“It’s okay. I’m sure you had a good reason for it,” he tells you. 

“Yes, I had an opportunity I just couldn’t pass,” you lie. 

“That’s wonderful, you’re so talented, don’t confine yourself to one place,” he says with a smile, “I’d love to get dinner with you sometime and catch up, please let me know when you’re free.”

“Of course, I’m sure I’ll see you around,” you say cutely. 

He gives you another hug and kisses the top of your head, making your heart flutter. 

After a long day of rehearsing, you finally got to go back to your room to rest after dinner. Your legs ached a bit and knew you needed to try to get more sleep tonight. You changed into your white nightgown that had ruffles at the swooping neckline. You quickly got under the blankets and tried to warm yourself up. 

You once again found yourself tossing and turning, unable to stop your mind from wandering. You grew frustrated as time ticked by slowly. The clock read 1 am and you were wide awake. There was this nagging feeling pulling you out of bed, not letting your body relax or be content. You decided to get out of bed and take a walk to clear your mind. You put a robe on over your nightgown and pick up your lantern. 

The barren halls were eerie and unsettling at this time of night. Something about the stillness made you on edge. You kept walking, trying to clear your mind and stay at peace. You knew this place so well, you were sure you could walk it with your eyes closed. You then stop in your tracks as you approach the end of the hall. 

Chills run up your spine as you stand before the dressing room door. You had been in there countless times after performances and if you were lucky enough, he would visit you. Those memories came back to you so vividly and yet they were so long ago. So much changed between now and the last time you visited him. 

As much as you had some bitter feelings towards him, you still had this soft spot for him. You wondered if he had some animosity towards you for leaving so suddenly. It scared you, to be frank. You had seen how he would get when things didn’t go his way…

Your hand trembles as it reaches for the ornate door knob. It was unlocked and the hinges made a small groaning squeak when you opened it wide enough for you to fit through. You quickly glance behind you to make sure no one is around and close the door behind you. You press your back to the door and your eyes frantically try to see what is in the room. You lift your lantern up higher and your breath gets sucked out of you. 

The whole room was filled with roses. Dark red ones. The scent of them made your senses come alive and almost feel like you were entranced. You walk further into the room and see the large gold-framed mirror in front of you. It made you look so small in comparison to the tall mirror. You look around one more time, seeing if there is anyone else in here. 

“Hello?” You whisper. 

No answer. Only the sound of the wind creaked through the windows. Your heart pounds in anticipation, knowing you have to face your fears sooner than later. 

“Angel, are you there?” Your voice trembles. 

No response. 

You place your lantern on the vanity table and wait for any sign he’s there listening. Only the sound of darkness is heard and it’s surrounding you completely. Your breathing quickens and you can’t calm yourself down. Maybe he doesn’t want to see you. You hurt him too much and he doesn’t want to see you after all. 

Your body feels torpid and you drop to your knees. You pant for breath and bring your hands together, clasping them at your chest. You look at the mirror, fear encapsulating your mind. 

“My Angel of Music, speak to me. I’m here,” you tremble. 

You wait for any sign and you feel it. There was this dark affection that would come over you when he was near, suffocating yet breathed life into you. 

You close your eyes and struggle for breath, trying to speak to him more. 

“My Angel, come to me. Please, I’m right here. I want you to come to me,” you plead. 

Your eyes flutter open and see his dark reflection in the mirror. He was wearing all black with a high-collared jacket and cape. It was so dark beyond the mirror that all you could perfectly see was his white porcelain mask. Those eyes burned into you there kneeling on the floor, making your heart fly out of your chest. 

“Angel,” you breathe.

“Come to me,” his voice booms in the quiet.  

You get up off your knees and slowly walk to him, so entranced to be in his presence again. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He stood there perfectly still and the mirror slides open. His leather-gloved hand reaches out to you and you glance down at it, knowing if you take his hand, your world will change once again. There was no turning back. 

You meet his serious eyes and get lost in them. Your fingers wrap around his hand and you step over the mirror’s frame. A smile flashes across his face as he squeezes your hand tighter. 

“Oh my sweet, you’ve come back to me,” he breathes. He places a kiss on the back of your hand, sending chills through your whole body. You forgot how those plush lips felt on your skin. It was obsessional. 

He pulls you further down the stone hallway and into his lair. He walked slowly, never taking his eyes off of you. You couldn’t either. Being in his presence was the most intoxicating feeling on this earth. You forgot how cold it was the further you two descended to the lake. Lanterns on the wall illuminated as you two walked down the stone hallway, making the darkness now glow golden. This made it easier to see his face and the way he was looking at you. 

He helps you get in a boat that is lined with lavish pillows and a blanket. You sat at the very front of it, wrapping the soft blanket around your body. You glance behind at him, completely enamored by his beauty. The further you trek across the lake, the more candles on the walls flicker with flame and give a soft glow to the darkness that surrounds you. 

Candelabras emerge from the lake, lighting as soon as the candle wicks touch the air. It fascinated you how he made that possible. The whole lair glowed with soft light and made you feel warm and safe. 

He stops the boat gently at the shore of the lake and gets out first, offering his hand out to you to help you get out. You let the blanket fall off your body and step in front of him. You couldn’t believe you were back here and your words ran dry looking at him. 

His jet-black hair was slicked back and gleamed in the light. His skin was perfectly smooth and pale, not a flaw on him. He looked the same as the last time you saw him or somehow more gorgeous you think. You can’t help but look up at him in awe.

“You haven’t changed a bit, you’re still the same,” you whisper. You fought the way you wanted to reach up to his face and see what his perfect skin felt like. He nods his head and smiles down at you, taking in a laborious breath before speaking. 

“And you have only grown more beautiful my Angel,” he says low. Lord, that voice of his makes you crumble. He didn’t have to say anything in particular, just the way he sounded drew you in. 

“Thank you,” you mumble, blushing looking away from him. 

He leads you further into his lair where there is a red sofa and other chairs around a table. He invites you to sit down while he stays standing. He still drinks you in with his eyes and stays silent. 

“You’ve let your hair grow out longer,” he observes. 

You flash your eyes up at him and nod your head. 

“Yes, I know that’s how you like it.” You press your lips together when you realize what you said out loud. Something about being so close to him has your thoughts come out so easily without any hesitation. 

He gives you a smirk, liking what he just heard. 

“Yes, I do like it. It looks beautiful like this,” he coos. You try not to let his words phase you but it’s almost impossible to. You longed to hear his beautiful praise. 

He sits down next to you, leaving only inches between you two. You can hear him make a sharp breath as he tries to find the right words. He raises his hand and brushes your curly locks off your shoulder, making you shiver. 

“Why did you leave me Angel?” He asks, his voice soft and tender. You weren’t expecting him to be so gentle about it. You thought he would still be upset over your sudden disappearance.

It feels like your heart just got ripped out of you when you look at him. His eyes were so full of pain and you didn’t know what to say that would fix that. 

“I had to go… it was time to move on from this place,” you say lightly. 

He picks up your hand and holds it on your lap. You never wanted to leave this moment. You wished you could be like this forever with him. 

“That breaks my heart to hear,” he sighs. 

“I know, it hurt me too, trust me. I felt awful. You were always on my mind…I-, I dreamed of you all the time,” you whisper. 

He pauses, smirking when he looks at you, “I know. I did too. That beautiful voice of yours echoed in my head every time I closed my eyes,” he confesses caressing your face gently. 

You couldn’t help but give into this force that was a part of him. He attracted you to a molecular level. No matter how dangerous people said he was, you wanted to get closer and closer to him. Your eyes trail over his face, unable to believe he would dare hide half of his face when he is so strikingly beautiful. His luring eyes gleamed a deep blue in this light and those full lips were begging to be kissed. You dreamed of what it would be like to be kissed by him...

You lean in ever so slightly, taking a sharp breath in. He looks at your lips and licks his bottom lip ever so slightly. 

“What are you looking at my dear?” He murmurs. 

“Just you, I’ve missed your beauty,” you say quietly. 

He smiles and places your hand on his lips, sighing softly when he looks back at you. 

“Oh you’re too kind to me,” he says as he places his gloved hand on your cheek. You lean into his touch and want him closer, so much closer. He does lean in and you can feel his breath on the shell of your ear. Your skin prickles and you can’t help but breathe in sharply. His hand that was on your cheek then slides down to the crook of your neck and rests there.

“Sing for me, my Angel. Let me hear that beautiful voice again…” he says low, his deep tenor voice making your whole body feel aflame. A breathy whine emits from your throat unwillingly and put your hand around his wrist. This felt like a dream, too good to be true being this close to him.

You slowly pull your head away to look at him and those serious eyes make you come unraveled. They were so intense and you swore they could look into your soul. So you nod your head at him and stand before him, letting his hand graze against the front of your body. His gaze doesn’t falter and he continues to look at you from your nose down to your slippers, taking his time looking at every inch. You swear he makes a groaning sound deep in his throat but he clears it, pointing to the direction of the piano.

“Go to the piano,” he instructs.

You slowly turn and go further up the lair. There were more candles around the piano and a few loose sheets of music hewas writing earlier resting on music stands. The air gets sucked out of your lungs when you feel him behind you. You didn’t need to turn around to see how close he was. It was a sensation you couldn’t quite describe and one you didn’t get from anyone else. Only he could make you feel like this…

You feel his hands wrap around your waist slowly and you feel yourself sink into his tall frame. You couldn’t think straight when he touched you. He’s done this before so many years ago and you felt like you could faint. You feel his shaky breath along your neck and you let your head fall back against his chest. 

“Help me make the music of the night… please…Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light… And listen to the music of the night,” he hums in your ear.

You bring your hands up to rest on his on your body and relish in his touch.

“Yes, I’ll listen. I’ll sing for you, my Angel” you sigh. He slowly turns you around to look at him. His lips form a sly smirk and he looks at your lips once again.

“Oh darling… it’s so good to have you back.”

♱

🥀

Tagging:

@loving-elvis @neptuneismysister @velvetelvis @ccab @presleyenterprise @theresalwaysep

@sillybookmarks @dkayfixates

@ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog.

@myradiaz @tacozebra051

@18lkpeters @flwrs4aust @emma181873

@austinswhitewolf @eliseinmemphis

@everythingelvispresley@chasingwildflowers

@dontwanttoputanything. @ohjustpeachy-

@elvisalltheway101@austinsmutler@kingdomforapony.

@generoustreemystic @claire-elvisgirl

@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121

@jaqueline19997

@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rjmartin11 @that-hotdog @louisejoy86 @misspresley @cattcb @annapresley8

@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69

@mh777

@50sexyshadestashionista

@oldhOllywOod @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs

@sloppiest-of-jos @thisis-theway @gatheraheart

@aphroditebabygirl @faeolwen @eapep @ladelinee @iloveelvisss @ccab @buglass @isynic23 @peaceloveelvis @theycametoconquertheearth53

[dive-through-time]

Time is a hypocritical construct (Righteously, it wipes out all of us)

TW: Uhhh... mentioned character death and mentions of blood. CXS might be having a panic attack towards the end, I'm not sure-

(Song title from KAT - "Mastermind")

Interesting for: @star-tb @theparadoxunlocked

Out of all the tasks Cheng Xiaoshi had to do around the studio, cleaning had to be his least favorite.

Dusting off the shelves, wiping down the counter, cleaning the picture frames on the walls... it took ages and was oh so boring. Even the steady flow of music through his headphones didn't make it any more fun.

He hummed along anyway, tapping his foot to the music, and moved back a bit to look over the wall. Satisfied, he took a step back to look over the pictures. He dusted his hands off, happy to find that they were spotless again, and clapped his hands together.

The one thing he didn't take into consideration were three things.

One, he was looking at the pictures.

Two, clapping activated his ability.

Three, these were the new pictures he'd developed today. He'd never taken a dive into these.

So when he blinked, he found himself holding a familiar camera while in a body that was not his own.

Most dives were similar to Cheng Xiaoshi, because possessing people always felt... off. Like the body he was in wasn't his own. Which, honestly, was the truth.

So when he found himself in the sunroom, camera trained out the window at the sunset, it immediately clicked for him just who he was possessing.

Somehow, he'd never possessed Lu Guang before. It was jarring. In more than one way.

He glanced at the time and date and frowned softly. Cheng Xiaoshi recognized it. Nothing special happened, besides Lu Guang taking some photos for their website.

He tried to ignore the memories poking at the back of his mind, not wanting to invade his best friend's privacy. He wasn't some love-sick school boy!

Actually, scratch that.

Maybe he was a little love-sick... but he was good at hiding it! Or at least he hopes.

"'m sorry..."

Oh, that was his own voice. He squeezed his eyes shut. "No no no, I don't want his memories. I don't" he whispered to himself, fully convinced.

Usually, he was glad about getting some memories. It made it easier to fall into his role, to become whoever he was portraying and follow Lu Guang's script.

Dives without Lu Guang had happened... maybe thrice before. Two of those recently, with one of them being a dive into quite literally the present by looking at an active security camera recording.

The one during the fight in the darkroom didn't count. Those were just brief leaps.

He wanted to clap out, but his own voice, weak and trembling and saying words that he can't remember ever saying, left him rooted to the spot. Golden eyes staring at the counter in silent horror.

"To keep me alive- you mean the death node, don't you?"

"That is exactly why you shouldn't have talked to other you. And you're not supposed to know about what happens to you in other timelines"

"It doesn't matter if you know about it or not. It'd be better if you didn't…"

That was it. The last straw. With a shaky breath he gave up on trying to fight back the memories wanting to flood into his own mind.

Ususlly he didn't concentrate too hard on the snippets of memories. Even old people's memories weren't very overpowering. That way, he tended to process most memories via dreams.

Instead he was processing the memories now, and couldn't help but feel sick.

The memories were... a mess. He remembered snippets of Bridon. Of the photo shoot, of Lu Guang talking to Vein.

"Your friend seems to be in some trouble" Vein lowered his phone, tone light, gesturing towards the building he himself had gone into that day, "I'll go lend a hand and will be back soon"

He started walking, stepping down the stairs. Lu Guang wasn't moving. Wasn't speaking until Vein was already half-way down the stairs.

"Do you really think I'd believe that?"

The quietness of Lu Guang's voice startled him, despite how normal it was for him to be quiet. It was still loud enough for Vein to hear, who let out a huff of a laugh and turned back, offering a smile that was more amused than confused.

"What? You think you can stop me?" he asked, as if both of them knew something that Cheng Xiaoshi hadn't known. As if Lu Guang knew that Vein was planning something other than 'lending a hand'.

He still vividly remembered the confusion he'd felt when Vein barged in and shot him with a tranquilizer. Lu Guang had known? But why...

"Do you know the butterfly effect?" Lu Guang asked, "In a dynamic system, any subtle changes in the initial conditions may lead to a different outcome"

Cheng Xioashi knew. It was among the first things Lu Guang had explained to him, a frequent lecture. Still, he felt dread rising in his chest as he watched the memory play out.

"I've been thinking, how to change a destined ending completely"

No. No no no. He couldn't believe that. Couldn't believe Lu Guang... what was it he always said? Past and future, let them be? Why would he say something like that, when he always told him not to change the past?

"If there is an additional point before this... An unchangeable point. What will happen? No need to fear the deviation. Just let it happen more completely"

He felt sick. All this time... ever since Bridon... and Lu Guang had never told him any of this? That he was trying to change destiny? But why? For who?

"Looks like I made a mistake" Vein spoke in the memory, pointing to his own head. "You're the one who should be going for psychological counseling. Are you out of your mind?"

"I know I can't stop you" Lu Guang smiled. He could feel it, even if he couldn't see his expression, stuck in a memory, stuck as a silent presence seeing through eyes not his own. "But... I can make you stay a bit longer"

Stay longer...? Wait, but that meant...

Vein stared at him, silent, and smiled when Lu Guang told him that he could go in now. "Once this is over, how about we grab some hotpot together? I'd like to hear what the original outcome was"

"I hope we won't meet again"

Lu Guang had known. He'd known that Vein would have a heart attack. So why did he...?

He remembered just a couple days ago, the memories flowing more and more naturally. The day Lu Guang had a nightmare. He zeroed in on that memory, shaken by the previous memories of the things that had left his (or rather Lu Guang's) mouth.

But... it was different. It was wrong. That wasn't how- oh.

Oh no.

Tears burned in his eyes, throat closing up. Memory after memory... he looked at the world from Lu Guang's eyes and all he wanted to do was scream. Scream and cry and clap out so he could shake Lu Guang by the shoulders.

None of that ever happened! It made no sense! He never got into a fight in an alley, not recently, never kissed Lu Guang, never-

Running. The memory feels off. There's fear. Enough that even in the presence, just "remembering" it makes him feel weak in the knees.

Then there's himself. Bleeding out on the ground, by the river. Dying. A desperate attempt to call an ambulance. Panicked reassurances, blood, so much blood-

"There won't be a next time..! I got this, you'll survive, you'll survive, everything will be fine here- I promise, I just-"

"H-Hey, Guangguang... it's okay... I trust you"

No.

"Stop saying that! I don't want to do this again I want to stay here with you..."

No. Please no.

"Please, hang in there, you will stay alive, please.."

"Don't... Don't want that either... sorry, 'm gonna... try harder..."

Please don't let this be true.

"Don't... don't cry. We'll be fine... right...?"

"Just a few more minutes, you are strong enough...please.."

"... hey... Lu? I'm... I'm scared"

"... I'm here with you... it's- gonna be okay.."

"... promise?"

He clasped a hand over his mouth, shaking. He felt sick.

"I promise... I'm gonna save you this time..."

"Don't.... don't forget to tell me that you love me... when... when I wake up. Gonna... gonna be sad otherwise..."

A tear slipped down his cheek. Then another. The camera almost dropped from his hands. He set it down hastily so he wouldn't break it, at least a small part of him remembering that he should avoid causing damage.

He didn't want to think about this. He didn't. He should clap out, leave before he messed up the timeline. Have a breakdown over this in his own body, in his actual time.

He glanced to the clock and froze, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes and taking a shuddering breath.

Cheng Xiaoshi was about to clap when the door opened.

"I'm baaack!" his own voice called out, cheerful and upbeat. Shit.

His heart... no, Lu Guang's heart did something funny there, seeing the bright smile he, in all honesty, only ever gave Lu Guang.

For a second, Cheng Xiaoshi feared he'd kneel over and have a heart attack. How did Lu Guang manage to stay composed like this, with his heart doing sommersaults and... oh.

"Next... next time tell me your feelings immediately... please. Don't... don't wanna wait again..."

He swallowed, hard. Mouth suddenly painfully dry. His head spun.

Oh.

This was a lot to take in at once. It was too much to take in at once. Never could he have imagined that Lu Guang... He dropped his hands beneath the table (offering a brief "Hello" to himself in hopes of not causing any concern, praying that his voice was steady) and clapped them together.

He stumbled, the second he was back in his own body. Breath short and ragged, eyes burning. His chest hurt. Something wet rolled down his cheek.

Cheng Xiaoshi heard a door open, heard a familiar voice call his name, distantly, and in a moment of panic hurried into the darkroom, sliding the door shut and locking it.

He choked back a sob, not wanting Lu Guang to know where he is, not wanting to face him right now. He slid down the door and to the ground.

The world becoming a muddled mess of the red lighting of the darkroom, a distant voice that he usually loved and memories that weren't his own but would never leave him again.

Distantly, he couldn't help but think that so many things made sense now.

[superdoghi]

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how that music used to make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance

That I could make those people dance

And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver

With every paper I'd deliver

Bad news on the doorstep

I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried

When I read about his widowed bride

But something touched me deep inside

The day the music died

So bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love

And do you have faith in God above

If the Bible tells you so?

Now do you believe in rock and roll?

Can music save your mortal soul?

And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him

'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym

You both kicked off your shoes

Man, I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck

With a pink carnation and a pickup truck

But I knew I was out of luck

The day the music died

I started singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Now for ten years we've been on our own

And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone

But that's not how it used to be

When the jester sang for the king and queen

In a coat he borrowed from James Dean

And a voice that came from you and me

Oh, and while the king was looking down

The jester stole his thorny crown

The courtroom was adjourned

No verdict was returned

And while Lennin read a book on Marx

The quartet practiced in the park

And we sang dirges in the dark

The day the music died

We were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Helter skelter in a summer swelter

The birds flew off with a fallout shelter

Eight miles high and falling fast

It landed foul on the grass

The players tried for a forward pass

With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the halftime air was sweet perfume

While the sergeants played a marching tune

We all got up to dance

Oh, but we never got the chance

'Cause the players tried to take the field

The marching band refused to yield

Do you recall what was revealed

The day the music died?

We started singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

And singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Oh, and there we were all in one place

A generation lost in space

With no time left to start again

So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack Flash sat on a candlestick

'Cause fire is the devil's only friend

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

No angel born in Hell

Could break that Satan's spell

And as the flames climbed high into the night

To light the sacrificial rite

I saw Satan laughing with delight

The day the music died

He was singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

And singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues

And I asked her for some happy news

But she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the sacred store

Where I'd heard the music years before

But the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets, the children screamed

The lovers cried and the poets dreamed

But not a word was spoken

The church bells all were broken

And the three men I admire most

The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost

They caught the last train for the coast

The day the music died

And they were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

They were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye

And singin' this'll be the day that I die

[pearlescentparade]

Hello ^^ may I request Banhammer x reader Nsfw headcannons?

someone on ao3 also requested this so 2 birds with one stone!!!

♎️ banhammer nsfw headcanons ❤️‍🔥💞

c'mon. banhammer is a cocky demigod, he could only be a dominant top. he insists on doing everything while you just "sit still and look pretty" for him, and it's absolutely patronizing. but how can you complain when he makes you feel so good?

surprisingly, he has little experience. he doesn't have much time to be spending on seeking pleasure, what with being the warden of banlands and all. his superiority complex is also a bit of an obstacle, because he believes only those who he deems worthy can sleep with him. but it doesn't mean he's any less of a horny bastard

banhammer has pretty high libido, he's got lots of frustration pent up from dealing with unruly criminals. not only that, he's got lots of stamina, courtesy of his demigod blood. if you hear him slam the front door open and start storming up to your bedroom, pick a deity and start praying because you won't be walking for a few days

terrible aftercare, sorry. he's not that keen about the fragility of mortal inphernals, and he'll complain when you tell him you can't "have fun" with him because you're still recovering from the last time. at the very least, he's obedient if you tell him to fetch you something (it's the only time he'd ever bend to the will of anyone other than his momma)

likes to restrain you in some kind of way with the fabric of his blindfold, whether it be like rope, handcuffs (his personal favorite) or a leash. this is especially true when you're roleplaying as a pesky notorious criminal and he's the cop who's finally caught you. the tyrant loves feeling like he has complete reign over your body

revels in the size difference between you two, and laughs when he sees you struggle to take his huge cock every time. it feels like it's literally splitting you in half, but once you get used to it, you see stars. he thinks you're such a soldier for taking him so well

you've definitely fainted a few times after orgasming, in which banhammer will simply tuck you in to bed, though he won't redress you (just so you can easily remember what happened once you wake up). and if he hadn't cum already, he'll just jack himself off. it's not as good as when you do it, but it'll do

his bite marks and hickeys are ridiculously large and noticeable. he always leaves them in places that are harder to hide, like your jawline. don't try to conceal them, every inphernal ought to see that you're all his

a sucker for humiliating you, and his dirty talk is absolutely vile. he mocks how slutty your faces and noises are, how the prisoners could probably hear how loud and horny you are, how he's completely ruining you because nobody will ever fuck you as good as him and you'll never be satisfied with anyone else... the list goes on

while you're blowing him, he'll get impatient, grabbing a fistful of your hair and forcing you to suck him off faster. similarly, while you're riding him, he'll grab onto your hips and slam himself into you. he can't help it, you just feel too damn good around him and he needs more now

tease him all you want in public, but he'll only brush you off with a playful threat of 'punishment' if you keep up such naughty behavior. public indecency is not legal! though, once you two sneak away to somewhere more private, he'll finally pay you back tenfold for all of the sneaky caressing and suggestive noises. now that you're bent over his office desk, naked body splayed over some mumbo-jumbo paperwork, where'd all your confidence go? only then will you realize that you've bitten off more than you could chew

once, windforce made a throwaway comment about you two "giving her grandchildren". of course, it was likely a light-hearted joke to poke fun at your relationship in a supportive way. not to banhammer, though. he makes sure to cum deep inside you every time you have sex and absolutely filling you with his seed, not allowing any drop to go to waste, in the hopes that someday you'll bear mini versions of him (parade postscript: SORRY this took long imj literally getting the writer's curse cus i threw up yesterday and my life is getting busy cus im taking dual enrollment college classes again :[ BUT lmk if u guys fw the change in my headcanon writings from short but many -> long but few & i'll revamp older hcs if we like the elaborate ones more)

[ropebunnykant]

Your post about Babe makes me think this is a safe space to vent briefly! I love this show dearly, it's hands down my fave show of last year, I foresee much rewatching in the future, and though it's clearly imperfect, up until now those imperfections haven't interfered with my enjoyment. But - and maybe it's because there's only one ep left so the prospect of certain things/conversations happening is looking increasingly unlikely, or maybe it's because for the first time I felt the screentime/writing apportioned to each couple this ep felt noticeably unbalanced - post ep-11, I'm feeling a little wistful/frustrated at opportunities missed. Babe is a super obvious one - it feels like Style's dad has had more screentime than him, and even though Style's dad is awesome, in terms of importance to plot/character motivation, Babe clearly comes out on top, and yet as you mentioned, the writing hasn't really reflected that. But I think Kant and Kant/Bison in general have sporadically been curiously underwritten - in their post-truth scenes, imo, they've never really been given the space to explore their feelings to the same depth that Fadel has. And I think I just sort of ignored it before cos all the other stuff (not just the kissing!) was so delicious, but then in this ep, the contrast tween the burger joint scene and the tattoo scene (which seemed almost truncated) just felt so stark that it thwacked me over the head. The obvious exception is the beach scene (and maybe the swing scene?), the meat of which we now know was improvised. Which makes me wonder if it's partly because they think they can get away with it or don't feel they need to write as much detail cos FK are there to do the heavy lifting for them? And yes, FK can speak volumes with eye contact alone cos they really are That Good, but some stuff DOES actually have to be verbalised!!! And I'm not necessarily saying their scenes needed a lot more dialogue, but maybe just to be given a little more time to breathe? I remember thinking that about the opening of ep 9 with the memory box - yes, the deflection and flirting is probably in-character to a degree and most definitely the latter is a lot of fun to watch, but even just giving them a moment longer to reflect on their pain/loss before they diverted to daddy kink would've made a big difference imo.

Again, I can't necessarily point at anything in particular and say that's what should've been cut out to make room for xyz, so maybe it really is just a matter of not quite having enough eps to fully cover all the material they were working with (think that's definitely the case with Keen and Lilly, but they are fundamentally side characters, and it's side characters who always get shafted! Whereas Kant/Bison...). And yes, again, that's what fic's for, I know that. But still...the what ifs are always the worst! What if we got actual onscreen acknowledgement from another character that Kant, too, has been a victim of grooming/coercion/exploitation/whatever you want to call it, and also deserves to engineer a reckoning for the person responsible (and I'm not counting the blackmail scene cos he's still not in a position of power there given the stakes)? What if we got Bison bringing up their first encounter (since there's absolutely no reason for him to think it wasn't part of the scam) and Kant getting the chance to reassure him that night was 100% real? What if we got recognition from Fadel that Kant is basically just another tired older brother doing what it takes to protect his nong? What if we got actual follow-through on the Captain's threats after Kant returned from their torture island getaway? Imagine the parallel we could have had tween him coming home in ep 7 to find Babe with Bison vs. him coming home in ep 10 to find Babe with the Captain! What if we got just one scene where Kant finally gets to be the one who breaks down and is comforted? What if we got anything explicitly BDSM-related (okay maybe still holding out hope for this one!)? Now I'm more than happy to eat my hat if any of that comes to pass in the finale, and don't get me wrong, I'm still very much enamoured with the show and with these characters and am delighted at the prospect of prison hijinks cos I thought we'd be getting a time skip! And tbh the main reason I want to vent is just to get it out of my system so I can return to my previous state of blissful indifference to the niggles and the quibbles! ...Which is really unfair on you, I am realising at this late stage in the game! So apologies for the (tempered, not full-blown!) negativity and if you'd rather steer clear feel free to delete and ignore! I do think part of it is just the risk you run watching a show week to week when there's SO MUCH TIME to speculate and analyse and headcanon - you're virtually always going to be disappointed in one aspect or another, whereas when you binge-watch there's just no time for expectations to even be formed let alone undershot! But then of course you lose out on the sheer bananas entertainment and mass hysteria that is the collective experience of watching something real-time, and, after all (at least for those of us on tumblr I suspect!) the obsessive speculation/analysis/headcanoning is a large part of the fun!

first of all, i'm glad you consider this a safe place to vent and i totally get having frustrations about certain choices and what not, i obviously have vented my own about the whole situation with babe and the way it could have been very easily handled differently. which, my main gripe with that is that it was a very easy change to make, and a lot of my other complaints about this show i feel in general just come from them not having enough time. the babe situation would have been very easily solvable had they thrown in even ONE line referencing that kant had called babe and he was fine. no need for a whole scene or anything that would take up too much time! just a brief mention, maybe in the scene when kant checks in on style in ep9, and style asks if he's gotten to call babe. that is literally all i would have needed to feel better about that situation.

however, truthfully i don't feel like there's actually that much of a disparity in terms of how kantbison are written versus how fadelstyle are, especially not in ep11, but i have seen this take a couple of times now! i can understand why it may come across that way because fadel and style were having a lot of vulnerable conversations, whereas kant and bison weren't as much, however, i also think it comes down to what each of the brothers needed on that last day. fadel does not trust as easily as bison does, he has a LOT of self doubt and fears that style will leave. what fadel needed on his last day was the reassurance that style was gonna be there and that he wasn't gonna leave while he was in prison.

whereas bison, i feel like he needed the hope of them having that future outside of that one night. it's why he and kant talked about getting married and traveling and talked about their dreams when they were younger. we also have to remember that bison and kant reconciled a whole episode before fadel and style did, so of course they had more time to have those conversations - which we do get to see between ep8, 9, and 10. they have plenty of conversations about their past, about their future, plenty of moments reassuring and affirming their relationship. fadel and style i think are kind of playing catch up before they have to be separated in that regard, which is why it seems more unbalanced. i'm sure if you asked someone that was more into fadelstyle, they'd probably say that ep8 and 9 felt unbalanced but for fadelstyle in that regard. we have to remember these couples and these characters are not only different from one another, but in different places.

and look, that's not me saying that there aren't things i DO wish we'd gotten to see kant and bison talk about more, and i do certainly have my complaints about the fact that firstkhao had to improvise most of the reconciliation scene. i just also think because kant and bison had a lot more lies and deception between them, it's going to feel more like we're missing things when they DON'T talk about things on screen, and i again think a lot of the things we haven't seen have been an unfortunate fact of them not having enough time for everything. cause like i would have loved to see everything you mentioned here, especially kant getting the chance to have a proper breakdown cause he deserves it. i do think it's possible we'll get some of those things next week, though, as i am for sure holding out for another proper bdsm scene until the final moments

i think in general final judgements do kind of need to wait until the show is over because if we don't have a full picture, how can we really judge? that being said, i do adore this show even with the complaints i have and what i would want to see, and while watching live can be stressful and lead to some disappointment and fandom wars, it is VERY fun to get to watch and analyze and theorize live so i really wouldn't change it for the world sjdskjf

[astranauticus]

soliloquy

(edit once again i drew something with my ipad screen brightness too high and now that i've posted it nothing is visible. sad!)

[zepskies]

Ooh I'm excited to get into more Shaw drama! (I still need to read those books. 🤔)

Ahh so him wanting to solve his father's murder is what drove him to distance himself from his wife and kids, in order to help him reconcile with Colter. It does make sense, even if it is heartbreaking.

“What about your mother?” Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

lmfao she really does! I was literally just wondering about how he views his mom in all of this. She literally let Colter believe Russell had something to do with Ashton's fall, and then basically told him to get gone. What kind of mother does that? She seems very suss in all of this.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand. His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

LMAO. I don't know who Manny is, but I already love him! 😂 And I'm even more intrigued by the hints of Russell Family Trauma mixed in with the family mystery, piecing together the puzzle of his mom along with his father's killer...

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

Very on brand that Russ shares a Dean-level love of food. 😆

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

LOL God, Russell isn't good at this, is he? It's tough to say which one of the Shaw boys got more childhood related trauma affecting their ability to communicate, let alone be emotionally available. 😭

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

Oh my God, Russ... I wasn't expecting you to take it there, but it's an understandable consequence of his PSTD, especially for him as a soldier. It also explains why she picked up Lewis and left him to pull himself together.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

Ooh again with those lies of omission...

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Dear Lord, their mother is more and more suss to me. How she could ever justify making her eldest son be a scapegoat is beyond me. 🥲

But I'm glad Colter and Russell are getting just as much of an honest heart-to-heart as Russ and the reader did. 💜 Now I can't wait to see what you did with the finale of this series!

The Exit Strategy – Part 4

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+, language, fluff, some angst & feels, family secrets, spy stuff, a bit of spiciness

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Welcome back, friends! We're diving a bit into Shaw family secrets this week – fully Wayne's version, though. While I did read the books, there's no major spoilers**, so don't you worry. I just played with an idea here 🤓 I also won't be fully diving into the Shaw family life, but some things are heavily hinted to be... fishy here 👀 Enjoy & let me know what you think! 🤍

**There's a small part where Russell tells Colter about their parents. It's mentioned in the books that their mother was a psychiatrist. I took that and ran with it 🤷‍♀️

Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist || Tag List

Part 4: This Is Not an Exit

“You’ve been walking down memory lane a lot tonight,” you teased with a nudge of his ribs, still tightly cuddled in his warm embrace in the freezing basement.

“Haven’t you?”

“No, I have,” you admitted with a melancholic sigh. “Maybe we should stop dwelling on the past so much. Think more about the future…”

Russell scoffed a small chuckle. “Dory said something similar not that long ago. Actually the reason why I came here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his fingers absently drawing circles on your arm. “I think it’s time we retire, sweetheart. I mean, after everything we’ve been through, I think we deserve to, right? You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I’m surprised we’re even still here, considering how many war zones we’ve been in.”

“Well, you know what they say – beware the old soldier because he’s old for a reason,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, think I might be getting a little too old…” Russell chucked lightly, running a hand through his long hair. “So? What d’you think? One last hurrah, and then we hang this up? I was thinking maybe we could open up a brewery, you know? A family place. Bet the kids would love it.”

“Sounds nice,” you said with a yearning smile. You wanted all of that and more. “I’d love to retire with you.”

“But?”

You laughed slightly at his anticipating look. “But I don’t think you can yet.”

His eyebrows drew together till they met above the bridge of his freckled nose. “What d’you mean? I just told you I’m ready.”

“You say you are, but you aren’t,” you replied like the annoying Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. “Have you solved the murder yet?”

Russell licked his lips, which was his telltale sign that you caught him there. After all, you knew him better than anyone in this world – knowing when he needed to be pushed and shoved was part of it.

“No, but I don’t need to anymore. Look, the only reason I wanted to solve it was because I thought I had to prove my innocence to Colter. And well, turns out I didn’t. He believed me anyways, so…”

“That wasn’t the only reason,” you reminded him with a scrutinizing look.

“Maybe, but like I said – Dory thinks we should keep all this bullshit in the past, and after the last three years, I’m starting to agree with her,” Russell said, dragging a hand over his face.

“Look, if that’s what you want–”

“It’s what I want,” he assured you and placed a hand on your thigh, gently squeezing it. “Having my little brother and sister back is enough. I don’t need more. Nothing good ever comes from being greedy.”

You nodded in understanding, clearing your throat. “Still, in the name of our deal to always be honest, I kinda have to confess something.”

Rising from your seat, you dusted off your awful, flowery skirt and wandered to the wall safe once more, retrieving a thick folder from it. You took your place next to Russell again, his questioning eyes meeting yours as you handed him your research.

“When you didn’t come back after a year or so, I started looking into it as well. Might have done a full deep-dive,” you admitted with a bite of your lip.

Russell shot you a chiding look, shaking his head, but most of all, he was worried. “I told you to leave it alone. You don’t know what sorta people we’re dealing with here, but we do know they’re dangerous.”

“I know. I just wanted to help. Figured I could speed it along. I do have more access than you,” you countered softly. “I’m sorry, okay? But I was careful. I promise.”

“Good,” he said and looked at you, interlacing your fingers with his. “‘Cause the last thing I want is losing you over this bullshit, too.”

Nodding, you squeezed his hand in reassurance. “There’s something you should know, though.” He raised his brow anew – you’d always been full of surprises. Life certainly had never been boring. “Someone accessed the files after me.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Definitely had a higher clearance than me, though,” you replied.

Russell threw his arms up, and you could see he was getting more upset again. “See? This is what I’m talking about! The whole point of us separating was to keep you and the kids away from it. Otherwise, we could’ve just stayed together, and I could’ve joined Horizon anyways.”

“I know that, too,” you said remorsefully. “But don’t worry. I wasn’t followed, and no one ever came after me. I made sure of it. It’s been two years now. They probably figured it was nothing after I didn’t reach out to you straight away.”

“Still… I don’t want you involved, alright?”

“What about Colter? Doesn’t he want to know? He doesn’t strike me as someone who just lets things go,” you noted observantly.

Russell clicked his tongue – a sign of defeat. “He isn’t, but he’s not gonna find anything either. I mean, the only reason I know is because you were so relentless and kept digging.”

“You haven’t told him what we found out?”

Russell licked his lips and admitted quietly, “No. I don’t think it does anyone any good to keep looking into this.”

Leaning forward and hugging your knees, your head bobbed pensively. “I thought you guys talked about what happened?”

“We did. Kinda… It’s complicated,” he stated, swallowing. “Dory was easy, you know? I guess she never really believed it… But it took a while till Colter even picked up the phone, let alone answered a goddamn text message. Had to get a little annoying.”

You smirked. “Well, you’re good at that. That’s how you won me over.”

“By being persistent?”

“Exactly. Like a tardigrade.” You grinned. “I mean, you kind of are doing it now again, too.”

He chuckled quietly. “Yeah, guess so.”

“Is that why you haven’t told him about me and the kids? Because you’re not sure about him yet?”

“Partially, yeah,” he admitted. “I guess I wanted to protect you. And maybe myself a little, too… Not sure I’m ready for those two worlds to meet yet, you know? I mean, you and the kids are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at Colter or Dory, I’m sometimes reminded of the worst things in my life.”

“What about your mother?”

Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

You laughed a little. “Gathering intelligence in uncomfortable ways is kind of my job, Shaw.”

“Yup, and no one’s better at it than you, sweetheart,” Russell quipped.

“So I’m guessing it’s a no on Mommie Dearest?”

Russell licked his lips, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna see her. Mostly because I don’t even know what to fucking say anymore,” he said. “I don’t want her to meet the kids either.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him and took his hand in yours. “It’s your choice, Russ. We go at your pace, alright?”

“Thank you.” Russell brought your intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of your hand before he looked at you deeply, a smile dancing across his plump lips. “I love you.”

You mirrored his smile, your heart fluttering like a wild butterfly in your chest. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll tell them – Dory and Colter. I want this to work,” he promised. “Just… after we finish this. I want him to have a clear head. I prefer not to get him killed, you know?”

“I get it. I thought the same thing when I first met you, too,” you joked, patting his chest. “But you brought him into this. It’s kinda on you.”

Russell scratched his bearded chin. “Yeah, but I didn’t exactly know what I’d bring him into.”

“Didn’t you, though?”

Amused, Russell bobbed his head. “Yeah, maybe I did,” he acknowledged. “You know, when Manny called me–”

Your eyes widened. “Manny called you?”

Russell blinked at you, brow creased in confusion. “Yeah, why?”

“That motherfucker…”

Furiously, you stomped to the desk and grabbed the radio. “Drone-5. This is Queen Bee-1. Report to Hive.”

The static of the radio cracked almost instantly, as if the idiot had been waiting all night for this call. “Yo, Queen Bee-1. How’s my boy?” Manny’s laugh echoed through the basement.

Russell’s glowing cheeks reached his eyes when he heard his friend’s voice. He’d known the guy almost as long as Doug.

“You’re the one who fucking told him?!” you yelled into the radio, almost crushing the device in your hand.

“To be fair, I told him not to engage with tango,” Manny sheepishly replied.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand.

His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

“Aw, you know I can’t do that. But I guess congrats on crashing another operation. You’re Worker Bee-3 now. Old habits die hard, huh?” Manny chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess…” Russell replied with a lighthearted chuckle, but his teeth tugged pensively at his lips.

“Great to have you back, brother. Hope this works out for you. See you on the other side, man. Oh, and could you move like three feet to the left and turn the washer off? We can barely hear and see you guys, and Drone-2 just ran out to grab popco–”

“No, absolutely not. Out,” you snapped as you grabbed the radio from Russ. He laughed as you put it furiously back on the desk. You knew what you had signed up for, but you still deserved some privacy. Annoyed, you took off your cross necklace – another bug – and settled down beside him again.

“What did he say when he called you?”

“Nothing much, really. Just told me your coordinates and that you like to pick up your mail at three o’clock at the local post office,” Russell replied.

You shook your head, smiling. “Well, he always loved you, so…” You started to chew on your lower lip, the anxiety in your belly returning. For the sake of your mind and heart, you had to make sure Russell was fully back, and this wasn’t just a fluke. “You know, I worry sometimes that if you don’t face this thing with your family, you’ll always feel this way. I mean, after Lewis was born–”

“I know.” Russell nodded, swallowing thickly. He saw the worry shimmering in your eyes, and it cracked his heart a little. “I know I kinda lost it there. Took me by surprise, too. Trust me. Figured I had dealt with all that shit already, you know? But I guess seeing you with him and feeling all that love myself, I just-… I don’t know. I don’t know how she could do it… Ashton was one thing, but she just stood by. And I don’t even know what the hell she was up to while he took us out into those woods…” He shook his head as if to rattle the answer out of his brain. “And then when we found out you were pregnant again… I mean, I’d barely held it together with Lewis. Everything just became a blur. I couldn’t think straight anymore, and I worried all the time I’d be like them…”

“I tried to help,” you said softly.

“I know you did. Guess this was just something I had to figure out on my own,” he replied with a beat shrug.

“How’s your vision now? Still blurry?”

“Clearer than ever.” A smile flickered alive on his lips, green eyes boring into yours as he leaned in and kissed you slowly like he meant every word. Blowing a raspberry, he then turned his attention to the file in his lap. “So, what am I gonna find in there?”

“Honestly, nothing we haven’t already puzzled together,” you replied, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. “But I found a couple of names associated with your parents. Thought maybe you could look at them and see if you recognize the person you saw in the woods.”

“I already know where this is going…”

“Russ, please, just–”

Russell interrupted you, placing a soothing palm on your thigh that curbed your enthusiasm. “I’ll think about it, alright?”

Satisfied, you raised two placating hands. “All I was asking…”

“How was the lasagna?”

After four hours in the basement, you and Russell quietly treaded up the stairs a few minutes after midnight, finding Colter in the kitchen, eating leftovers out of the ceramic form in the warm glow of the stove light. Tom, on the other hand, had passed out on the couch, only the blue flickers of the TV and the soft noises of a peaceful nature documentary filling the silence of the dark living room.

“Excellent,” Colter stated, swallowing down a mouthful of lasagna before speaking. “I told Tom he should be a chef in a restaurant or something.”

Russell’s brow knitted in doubt. “Really? Lemme try.”

“You just ate two entire bags of junk. You can’t still be hungry,” you argued with a giggle, shaking your head.

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

That man would eat anything. You’d seen him do it, too. He didn’t even go hungry when he was lost in a desert.

“Wow, that is good,” Russell announced his judgement with a full mouth. “Maybe we should hire Tom for the brewery, huh?”

“I’m guessing this means you two talked?” Colter asked with a carefully arched brow.

“Hmm. I don’t know,” Russell mused in jest. “What d’you say, sweetheart? You taking me back?”

You rolled your eyes at his antics. “Guess I have to. God knows returning you is impossible.”

Russell laughed and slung an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. He kissed your temple.

But then you noticed Colter’s smile falter, his brows creasing in question. “Is your hair different?”

“Shit!”

Wide-eyed, you bolted back down the creaking stairs to the basement, hearing Russell’s laughter fill the kitchen.

“Was she wearing a wig? And her eyes too, right?” Puzzled, Colter tried to piece it all together. He had already figured by your extensive vocabulary of swear words that you might be a better match for his older brother than he had initially surmised.

“Yup, all fake, man,” Russell confirmed and smirked. “Still think she’s not my type yet?”

“No, I can see it now,” Colter admitted, chuckling. “So, you guys are good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Russell nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, swallowing.

Colter’s smile widened, filling the older Shaw’s stomach with more guilt. “That’s great. Happy for you, man. Guess that means you’re retiring now, huh?”

Russell scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, we’ll see. Always depends on what the wife decides, you know?”

Yup, he sprinkled that important bit of information into a joke. Then, he watched his little brother take a stumped step back, brow furrowing and unfurrowing and then furrowing again.

“Wha-, wife?”

Russell produced a popping sound with his lips like the noise of a bottle when the cork was pulled. Welp, this bottle was surely open now.

“Yup, got married in Thailand in 2011,” he added another helpful tidbit of information, but Colter’s jaw dislodged all the same.

“Alright, got this all figured out,” you said, sauntering back into the kitchen with a pastel pink towel wrapped around your head and a matching bathrobe. You’d just grabbed them from the dryer, the fluffy material still cozily warm. It was the best option, considering you didn’t want to mess around with your wig as well after popping the lenses back in had already cost you most of your patience. In your little bubble of bliss, you hadn’t instantly noticed the brothers staring at you. But once you did, your brows morphed into a frown. “What’s going on?”

“You two are married?” Colter asked, a pointed finger flicking from Russell to you.

You threw your arms up, looking at your husband. “I was gone for five minutes! What happened to telling him after the operation?”

Russell offered you a sheepish shrug. “Well, this old soldier’s getting weak too, apparently.”

“He said it like a joke…” Colter mumbled, still in the middle of processing this new revelation. His older, estranged-but-now-less-strange brother had a wife. A family. Friends. And he knew none of it. What else was there? Kids?

“Yeah, he does that...” You shot your husband a scolding sideways look. “Should I leave you two alone for this?” you then offered, hoping the answer was a goddamn yes.

“Why would you? You’re family, right?” Colter retorted with a dry smile and a sharp look.

You pursed your lips. While you could see some similarities between the brothers, you took note of one big difference: Russell wasn’t as sarcastic and sharp-tongued. Probably because Russell had always been more concerned with what he should, would, or could share with people in an overthinking loop, while his younger brother seemed obviously free of that burden.

“Don’t take it out on her,” Russell stepped in gently, which really was a warning. “She didn’t know about any of this. Kinda pushed her into it.”

“Seems to be your style,” Colter scoffed.

“Can’t work for the CIA without going through a baptism of fire, little brother,” Russell said simply, giving an unapologetic shrug of his shoulders.

“Why would you not tell me?” Colter stared at him, his look a mix of reproach and agitation.

“Look, you weren’t exactly welcoming during our first meeting,” Russell argued with a bit of bark in his deep voice, although confrontation was probably not the best approach. But why should he always have to take the blame for everything? He’d already done that for more than two decades.

“That was months ago,” Colter countered, scowling. “I’d like to think I’ve come around since then… Coulda told me after we saved Doug.”

Russell let out a small sigh of defeat, rolling his eyes back slightly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, man, alright?” he apologized earnestly.

With a questioning brow, you carefully nudged your husband’s arm. “What happened to Doug? Is he alright?”

“Yeah, uh, he went to work for Horizon with me. I’ll tell you later, okay?” Russell replied, his voice a lot quieter as if sharing a secret, and if Horizon was involved he probably was.

“Is Tracy okay?”

“She’s fine. Little shook up. You should probably give her a call. Smooth things out,” Russell told you.

Tracy thought you worked in marketing at some company for the government. Whenever you, Russell, and Doug were stuck on a mission, the boys made you call her to “smooth things out” – aka reassuring her everything was certainly fine with her husband and he wasn't in any danger at all. They’d once made you call her from a Black Hawk. The noise had been fun to explain away – you’d told her you were picking up a client from a helicopter pad.

Colter chewed on the insides of his cheeks. “So she knows Doug, too?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah, me and Doug were mostly Delta, but SAD liked to borrow us from time to time. We ran in her team for quite a while. She was actually the one who recruited me.”

At his little wink your way, you smiled. He’d come along way from the sweet boy you had once teased like a special-forces-trained kindergartner.

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

Eyes drifting from you to Russell, Colter pursed his lips – a tell he shared with his brother.

“Are you mad? I can’t tell.” Frowning, Russell tilted his head.

“No,” you absentmindedly replied for Colter, who gave you a curious look but steered his attention back to Russell.

“No,” the younger Shaw repeated your assumption. “I mean, not more than I was before, you know?”

Russell’s creases only deepened. “No, I don’t know.”

“He means he’s indifferent about knowing or not knowing we’re married because he’s already pissed about not knowing about my existence in general,” you explained.

“Ah. Your nerd is showing, sweetheart,” Russell teased you with a smile that made your heart melt.

“Dory would like her,” Colter commented like the thought had just popped into his head – something else he didn’t share with his brother.

You’d always wondered about the youngest Shaw of the three. Russell could never tell you much about Dory. His memory had been one of a smart and feisty nine-year-old, not a young woman and physics professor.

Thumbing at you, Russell cocked a brow at his brother. “Is she right, though?”

“Spot on, actually.” Colter’s tongue poked his cheek, his gaze flickering with a hint of astonishment and new-found respect for you. “And I guess I’m not really mad either way. Just… surprising, you know? I should’ve asked. That’s on me.”

Russell seemed more than a little baffled to hear this, considering he had to pause to find an appropriate response. “No, uh, we’re good. I could’ve just told you, anyways.”

“Yeah, no, that’s alright.” Colter swallowed, sending his older brother a smile of forgiveness. “Honestly, I was glad to hear you weren’t alone all this time, so…”

Russell’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he pushed down the lump in his throat. With a nod, he averted his green eyes to the kitchen floor. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

“Aw, aren’t you guys adorable,” you teased.

Colter wanted to retort something dry-witted, but Russell held up a warning finger. “Ah – wait for it… Trust me. She’s not done.”

“You girls need tissues or a tampon, maybe?”

“Oh, Dory would definitely like her,” Colter repeated his earlier statement with an amused grin.

Russell, on the other hand, shot you a pointed look, but that had barely ever stopped you before. “Okay, you can lay down. You don’t have to give him the initiation. No hazing my little brother,” he ordered you sternly, and you stifled a snort. “And no one better kidnaps him tonight and puts a bag over his head, alright? I don’t wanna pick him up beaten and bloody from some warehouse tomorrow morning.”

“Hm, what?” Colter’s brow furrowed. For the first time, you could see slight panic spread in his pupils.

Who was hazing who now?

You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance. “Fine, we’ll leave him alone,” you acted your capitulation.

The younger Shaw blinked at you. “Thank you?”

“Should we at least tell him about the other thing while we’re at it?” you asked Russell with a suggestive look.

Thoughtfully, he paused for a beat, then clicked his tongue. “No, I got it from here. It’s getting late. We’ve been here long enough,” he decided. “This is less becoming a friendly ‘welcome-to -the-neighborhood’ dinner and more starting to look like an orgy to the neighbors. Especially since you’ve put on the robe.”

“It just came from the dryer. Look, it’s so soft and warm,” you argued, pouting, your palms caressing the fluffy material on your arms.

“Uh-huh.”

The little bob of his Adam’s apple made you grin slyly. The way his jaw ticked and his pupils widened with a primal hunger, you could tell he wanted to tear that robe right off of you. The thought caused a shudder to run down your spine.

“What, uh, other thing do you have to tell me?” Colter asked and smiled expectantly, tapping his fingers on the the counter.

Russell, however, grabbed his arm and dragged his curious little brother toward the exit. “I’ll tell you in the car,” he said and thumbed to the front door behind his shoulder. “Wait outside. Gimme five minutes, alright?”

Wordlessly, Colter nodded without argument, gave you a quick goodbye-wave of his hand, and strolled leisurely back to his car as if he knew exactly what his older brother intended to do.

As expected, Russell impatiently conquered your lips, roughly pressing you against the foyer’s wall, your arms draping around his neck.

“What’s the bedroom situation in this place?” he asked between kisses.

“First floor, west side, third window from the right. I’ll leave it unlatched,” you replied, smiling against his lips. “Tom’s always sleeping on the couch. Part of our cover is going to marriage counseling with Pastor Jeff, which happens to work out great for us.”

You exhaled a shuddered breath when one of his hands wandered past the robe and splayed warm against your ribcage, just underneath your breast. His thumb fought an itch to get closer.

“Wouldn’t do that, baby,” you murmured into his ear with an amused smirk. “That boner’s not gonna go away in five minutes.”

“Mmm, I know,” he groaned and dropped his head between your boobs, lips pressing a chaste kiss to your collarbone. If he continued on with this, your arousal would surely streak down your bare thighs soon. Luckily, he had mercy on the both of you. “I’ll talk to him and then come back, okay?”

You nodded with a smile. He kissed your lips, then your forehead, and then disappeared through the door with the same cometary velocity he had entered your vision.

And all you could do was hope you’d see him one more time in your life.

“So?”

4.3 seconds after Colter killed the engine of his pickup in a spot a block away to the west side of your house – as per Russell’s very specific instruction – he stared scrutinizingly at his older brother.

Impatience was also a family trait – one even their father had despised.

“Look, uhm, there’s no easy way to break the news…”

“Is this about you having two kids?”

When Russell’s eyes met Colter’s, he didn’t recognize any anger, hurt or resentment in them – just pure slyness. At least that was good news. His little brother was just going to be annoying about this whole thing.

“Yeah, remember those five minutes you left me alone in the car? I called Bobby. Had him check some things out for me. Wasn’t easy to find. I’ll give you that…”

As expected, Colter was going to be a smartass about it. He figured it out on his own. He won the game.

“Hmm.” Russell pursed his lips, nodding. “You do know the CIA is on your guy’s ass now, right? Shouldn’t have done it in their perimeter, man. Manny’s probably all over this by now…”

Then his brow knit as if the thought of his old friend had provoked an idea, his head tilting with narrowed eyes at the air vents on the dashboard. How long had that car been parked outside and out of sight again?

Like a game of Operation, Russell then used thumb and pointer finger as his tweezers to retrieve a tiny bug – the spy kind.

“Gotcha,” Russell muttered, smirking. He then held the bug close to the speakers of the radio before turning up the volume to its highest setting – only for a second. He switched the radio off, rolled down the window, and threw the unwanted listening device onto the pavement. “That should teach ‘em a lesson…”

Colter cocked an incredulous brow at his brother. “They bugged my car?”

“Oh, trust me, they bug anything they can get their greedy little hands on,” Russell retorted. “Would probably check for a tracker underneath, too.”

“Great, thanks,” Colter huffed wryly.

“Hey, you wanted in. That’s what they do,” Russell reminded him, shrugging, but there was a smile of amusement on his lips.

Colter only bobbed his head. “So, you and her? You guys are good now? Just like that? Seemed… easy. Sorta…”

Russell chuckled lightly, brushing a hand through his beard. He knew his relationship with you was unconventional, but it had always worked for you and him.

“Me and Y/N have a deal, you know? It’s not all black and white. I mean, we became aware a long time ago that the two of us operate in a lot of gray zones. But, uh, we always know we can rely on each other, you know? Doesn’t matter if we’ve been separated by time or space,” Russell explained to the best of his abilities.

“So what happened?” Colter prompted with the same amount of confusion. “Why did you guys split up? I saw on the birth certificate your daughter was only two years old. I mean, did you-… did you even know?”

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

He’d tried so hard to forget, wasn’t even sure he had ever really apologized for it to you because he so badly didn’t want it to exist that he’d tried to wish it out of literal existence, and hence, never really blamed you for leaving like you did. He understood. In fact, he had even wished you’d leave. He had convinced himself you’d be better off without him – something he still believed to be true – but he also knew he wasn’t better off without you.

He’d been lost and alone. And maybe, he was being selfish by crashing back into your life now. Or Dory’s. And Colter’s.

“I mean, nothing ever really bad happened. It’s just-… That night I came scarily close,” Russell confessed, swallowing thickly. He still hated himself for that night and everything that followed. “It’s like a switch flipped, you know? I couldn’t do anything against it… And Lewis saw parts of it, and I was already impatient with him and short with her the weeks before, so I just left that night and disappeared for two months. Volunteered for some mission. Figured it was best for everybody.”

It’s better off if he never comes back…

Russell licked his chapped lips. The next part was the hardest.

“When I got back, she told me she got a job offer in another country, and that she would be taking it and taking Lewis with her. She wanted me to use the time to… I don’t know… solve this, I guess.” He let out a humorless scoff at the painful memory.

Russell hadn’t seen it at first, maybe because he hadn’t wanted to, his anger and pain blurring the truth. After his son had been born, Russell knew you could see him struggling, so you started digging deeper into his family and what really happened. And when you’d found something – Horizon – you’d told him you could infiltrate. Naturally, Russell had passed a hard no – it had been a five-hour long fight, but he'd emerged victoriously by the end. So, you’d told him he should do it, but he didn’t want to leave you, and he didn’t want to endanger and jeopardize his family.

He’d told he was fine, but he wasn’t. It kept gnawing on him – and gnawing and gnawing and gnawing… till you eventually pulled the plug and ended his suffering.

“I was exhausted, so I told her we’d talk about it in the morning. When I woke up, they were gone. Didn’t even notice she’d already packed.”

Colter was silent for a beat. “Was it PTSD or something?”

“Or somethin’,” replied Russell.

“But you’re good now?” Colter checked with a warily raised brow.

“Guess so…”

Truthfully, Russell didn’t know if he was or wasn’t. He’d tried hard to figure out what it was exactly that had set him off that night and fix it, but he didn’t know if that feeling would ever disappear for good. He just knew he had never felt that way again since then. But could he guarantee it would never come back?

He didn’t know.

“Look, all I know is, seeing you and Dory again helped, so…” Russell twitched his shoulders and sighed. He didn’t know what else to say, how to explain it better, but Colter seemed to understand anyway, reading between the lines.

Russell worried he’d be like their father.

“I think I get it.” The younger Shaw nodded and licked his lips. “You know, you’re not crazy like Dad was, Russ. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re crazy in your own way, but I wouldn’t worry about the other stuff.”

“Well, thanks,” Russell said, not convinced but appreciative of the vote of confidence. “Makes at least one of us…”

“I-, uh, I noticed their names,” Colter then said and clarified, “Lewis and Amelia. Like explorers. Like us.”

“Ah.” Russell smacked his lips and brushed it off, “Wasn’t really my idea. I told Y/N that story once. Guess she took a liking to it..”

“Are you, you know, gonna tell Mom?”

Russell was almost surprised by the question. The brothers had barely talked about their mother since they’d reconnected. Considering Colter had never brought her up again after their first meeting, Russell figured there was a reason for that – and he thought he probably knew the reason, too.

Russell scoffed a chuckle and looked at his little brother with an almost incredulous look. “I think you can guess the answer to that one,” he replied and figured it said enough. “Did you tell her I came back?”

Colter pursed his lips, and Russell took it as a sign of admission. So his mother knew. Great…

“Sorta,” Colter admitted hesitantly.

“What d’she say?” Russell almost smiled out of amusement. He already knew the answer, but his brother still seemed reluctant. “C’mon, you can tell me. I’m not gonna be butthurt after twenty years…”

“She told me to ignore you,” Colter finally confessed, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. They had ever since his mother said them, but even more so now that he knew his brother – and parts of the truth.

“Hmm,” Russell hummed with tight lips and ground his jaw.

Granted, the confession stung more than Russell would ever be willing to admit. The tiny, naive part inside of him had constructed a hopeless fantasy of his mother having a sudden change of heart over the last two decades and happily welcoming her firstborn back. Apparently, not a thing had changed, though, and he cursed himself for feeling disheartened.

“But I actually haven’t talked to her in a while now,” Colter added with a small shrug, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah, uh, and when I did, I didn’t exactly tell her I didn’t take her advice, you know? So…”

“Why not?” Russell’s brow furrowed a little more as he analyzed each word, simultaneously realizing why he had been so reluctant to share his life with Colter before – his subconscious had been afraid his alienated little brother would report back to the mothership.

Colter’s lips pursed. “Because I disagree.”

“Ah.”

Colter chewed on his lower lip. “Look, I know you and Dory wanna keep all of this in the past and play family – and trust me, I want that too,” he assured, but his heart was beating fast in his chest. “But I need to know, man. I need to know why she lied about this for twenty years and, you know, did all of this,” he insisted, and yet, Russell could tell he wasn’t done. He might have broken the dam. “She did it to you. I mean, aren’t you mad?”

“Of course I’m mad,” the older Shaw admitted, but there was no fire behind his words.

“Then why are you so calm?”

Amused, Russell chuckled, shrugging. “Probably ‘cause I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than you, little brother.”

“So, what are we gonna do now?”

“We ain’t gonna do anything,” Russell clarified, his voice stern. He’d die to protect his family, you and the kids, and do anything in his power to keep you out of it, but Colter was a grown-up – a free agent. If he didn’t want to listen, Russell couldn’t force him. “Look, you wanna find out, you go find out. And if you do find something and need help, you call. But I can’t be involved in this,” he explained, his firm expression morphing into something more vulnerable and sincere. “And frankly, I don’t care that much. You, me, Dory, Y/N, the kids – that’s all that matters, trust me. You’re not gonna feel better or more… whole after finding those answers.”

“How do you know? Do you know what really happened?” Colter instantly asked, and Russell knew in that moment, it’d be hopeless. His brother wouldn’t stop till he found it – forever restless.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

“What about Y/N?”

Russell froze at the bare mention of your name, his protective instincts kicking in. “Leave her out of this,” he all but snarled.

But Colter didn’t think about stopping. “Did you ever ask her? I mean, she’s CIA. She could probably find out something, right?”

“Yeah, I asked her once, alright? Was a long time ago,” Russell admitted, sighing. The intended lie would stick better if there was some truth to it – you had taught him that.

“C’mon, Russ… And?” Colter impatiently threw his arms up, brow raising higher and higher as he waited for an answer.

“She never found anything,” Russell said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

This time, it wasn’t just an omission. It was a blatant lie.

“I think whatever Dad was involved in – or both of ‘em – was just some activist shit. I don’t think the government cares.” Lie. “We both know he had a mental thing. Paranoid, probably schizophrenic… I mean, Mom used to pump him full of meds sometimes when he got too out of hand.” Truth. He then stole a glance at his little brother and saw the confusion shimmering on his face. Russell scoffed. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

Quietly, Colter shook his head.

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Colter took everything in with a nod but didn’t say anything more.

“You good over there?” Russell checked after a full minute had passed.

“Yeah,” Colter said and even tried to form a reassuring smile before the attempt failed. Instead, he swallowed. “Just a lot, you know? I didn’t know. I mean, I had some idea, but not-… not that.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Russell said, his voice almost a whisper in the silence of the night. “Like I said, you were a kid…”

When Russell finally left the car to sneak back to you, his shoulders felt a little lighter and his heart a little calmer. He might just float through that unlatched window tonight.

The bad news was, though, he might not be able to retire just yet.

Part 5: This Is a Start

Honestly, I should've called this chapter "Heart-to-Heart Part II" 😂 I'll see you for the finale next week, but as you know, it's not the end for them – only just the beginning 😉

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[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

He was a better neighbor than Susan was, the bitter old bitch. Normally Lucifer wouldn't speak ill of the dead but that woman he was pretty had a demon controlling her.

He locked everything up and checked it multiple times to be sure it was truly locked.

Lucifer went out on the back deck when night fall came, the gentle breeze going through him. He looked down the way past Adam's house a ways there was a park with a pond. He used to take Charlie to that park all the time when she was little.

His therapist said that was a good goal to have, to work up to going back during the day. He can't even get the nerve to go at night when he knows no one is there for sure.

Just being on his deck is a lot right now.

Luicfer's eyes landed on the tree in his back yard, a healthy apple tree that was blooming fresh apples since it was summer. It was 100 feet from his deck and that's as far as he can go in his own yard.

He started to shake, okay time to go in.

Lucifer went back in and locked his patio door and had to recheck everything.

It was exhausting but it made him feel safe.

-

Adam woke up early to start his new job, it was the main reason he moved here besides the cheap price of the house.

He could finish unpacking this weekend, he has all the necessary things for now.

When he went outside he saw a delivery van pulling out of Lucifer's driveway. There were multiple brown boxes left in front of his door. Luicfer's lights were on and he peaked out the door making sure the van was gone before opening it and going to pick it up.

Lucifer spotted Adam and his heart jumped, shyly he waved.

Adam smiled and waved back: I'm just headed to work.

Lucifer: O-Oh, what do you do?

Adam: I'm a supervisor assistant at a doctor's office.

The mere thought of going to the doctors made Lucifer's skin crawl, all those people and germs. Gross. He remembered when Charlie made him go when he had pneumonia it was not a good time.

Lucifer: Oh n-neat.

Adam: What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?

Lucifer: I ummm...... Believe it or not, I-I-I run a business from home. These boxes are actually all my paper work.

Holy shit that's like five boxes.

Lucifer didn't like the paperwork, but it kept his mind busy. Running his own business he could do 98% of things from the comfort of his home while his brother Michael ran the office.

Meeting? Zoom meeting.

Phone calls? Work phone.

Paperwork? Delivered right to him. Perk of being the boss.

Though, he's been avoiding meetings these last few years, he just has invoices written and sent to him so he stays in the loop.

Adam: Wow, that's impressive. Well, I better get going I don't want to be late.

Lucifer nodded with a small smile, he started to lug his work inside as Adam drove off to work. When he got the last box he saw Alastor and shrunk in on himself.

He quickly grabbed his box and went inside locking the door. He didn't see him did he?

He hoped not. But what if he did?

Fuck his life.

Trapped Heart

@beef-brisket

⚠️This deals with Agoraphobia, anxiety, depression, and mentions of domestic abuse ⚠️

-

Adam: Well that's the last of them.

He looked around his new home and smiled, this place was so much better than his last home and a third of the price too.

They were practically giving it away.

There was his lawn mower that was on the truck still.

Adam went out to put it in the garage when he noticed his neighbor, a short blonde man getting his mail from his box. He was better looking than his last neighbor.

Adam waved: Hey!

Lucifer jumped as he grasped his mail, he looked over and saw a handsome brunette standing in the driveway across the road smiling and waving.

Lucifer: O-Oh, hi!

Adam: Names Adam, I just moved in.

Lucifer: N-nice to meet you! I'm Lucifer, I hope you like it here.

He wanted to be polite and welcome his new neighbor right, but he could already feel the cold tendrils of anxiety start to slowly crawl through his skin trying to wrap around him like a vice grip.

How long has he been outside? His heart started to beat a little hard with each moment he's not back in his home. He could die! He's not safe he needs to get back!

Adam: Yeah me too.

By the looks of it he already likes what he sees.

Lucifer nodded, he could feel the tremors starting in his hands the palms getting sweaty.

He needs to go.

Lucifer: I-It was nice to meet you Adam! B-But I need to get going.

Adam: Oh okay, maybe we can hang out sometime?

Lucifer gave a tight smile: Y-yeah.

He waved again to be polite and tried not to run back to his house, his therapist said it was good for him to be out as long as he could stand it.

Pushing himself a little each day. Today him reached his limit.

Once his front door was closed and locked behind relief washed over him, he's safe now nothing can hurt him. He hugged his mail to his chest, he needed to sit down.

Lucifer went over and placed everything on the coffee table. He tried to remember his breathing exercises.

Adam seemed very nice, maybe he'll send Charlie over when she comes to give him a proper greeting.

-

Adam tilted his head as he watched his new neighbor go into his home, if he didn't know any better he would say the man was panicked. Did he do something? He knows his personality can be a little brash at times but he thought he was being polite.

A man that lived beside him came out for his mail as well.

Adam: Hi! Umm, I'm new here.

Alastor: Oh hello! I'm Alastor, I guess that makes us neighbors.

Adam chuckled: Guess so. Umm, if I may ask, is the man that lives there okay? I didn't intend to upset him.

Alastor looked over at Lucifer's home and rolled his eyes.

Alastor: Getting the mail was he? Don't worry about it that man's afraid of his own shadow. I wouldn't waste my time, he never leaves his house.

Well that sounded a little dramatic.

Adam: What?

Alastor leaned on the fence: Oh yeah, Mr. Morgenstern over there never leaves his house. Rumor has it that his wife used to beat the fuck out of him in the home but it was worse when they were in public. Apparently she'd just humiliate him and others would join in making things worse. He was never free of her but at least in the home he could be alone.

Adam was horrified to hear that: Dude, the fuck, is that true?

Alastor shrugged: Not sure. All I know that is true is she left him nearly 8 years ago and he's become some kind of hermit that never leaves the damn house. His daughter Charlie, sweet girl you'll likely meet her, comes over from time to time.

Adam looked over at Lucifer's house, that couldn't all be true right? Maybe some was and the rest is telephone gossip extras?

Him and Alastor parted ways, he had to put everything away in his house. All the while his mind kept going back to the handsome neighbor across the way.

[vampiricsheep]

so since I may be free this summer after all, would anyone be interested in an RP event that's a potluck? I've been wanting to do it for ages but there's never any interest compared to other themes

for a discord rp, I would make a separate server explicitly for this purpose so you don't have to be in any guilds or anything! I would also delete the server (or at least channel, if people would like an event-planning server long-term) after a week - enough time for people to read over their stuff but not preserved forever and ever.