#can’t wait to meet myself
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Seeing my former DR-self as the Hero of Ferelden while I’m currently the Inquisitor:
#can’t wait to meet myself#I’m very different from my Warden-self as my inquisitor-self#extreme precision vs bruteforce#woman are truly the backbone of this society#dragon age reality shifting#dragon age dr#reality shifting#cottenbeetalking#CottenBeeshifting#cottenbeesilly
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i feel like we don’t talk about how horrendous the wasteland arc of 2012 was. like, yeah the designs for the future turtles were a lil goofy but think about it. donnie’s body obliterated he’s left with a brain damaged raphael who can’t remember anything, unwillingly burdening him with not only looking after him but keep on the memory of their brothers alive. and at some point after the mutagen bomb went off, after probably endlessly searching for leo and mikey they left new york. donnie probably had to make that decision with the heaviest heart. leo, out of his mind from his second mutation probably fled the city whenever he came to, lost and confused, unsure if he was the only survivor, if there was anything left of the old leo in his mind imagine the guilt he carried when he thought his sacrifice had been worthless. mikey who probably was still sound of mind probably crawled out of that wreckage and realised for the first time in his life was alone. those brothers, usually inseparable had to at some point just accept fate that their brothers were dead/not coming back for them and move on with their lives. wasteland arc is horrible. it’s great, but it’s horrible.
#why isn’t there any more wasteland arc angst fics ???!!! THE POTENTIAL !!!!#ik we jest about that version of mikey vs sainw mikey#but think!! he was so alone for SO many years#left to go mad#and considering he had Ick and Chompy i imagine he somehow made it back to the lair thinking they’d all meet up there#only to wait for months and months and realise they were all gone….#:((((((( I made myself sad oops#someone scream with me about this i can’t be the only one that thinks about this#tmnt 2012
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#baby Speckles sketches#B transferred money into the camp fam account so she could help pay for Speckles stuff#like a true cool aunt#she can’t wait to meet the newest member of the camp fam#I can’t draw#but I couldn’t help myself#I need dad Kenji#Ben thinking about trying a butterfly to see what it tastes like#if Ben eats a butterfly Kenji won’t give him kisses#ignore my terrible writing#jurassic world chaos theory#ben jwct#jwct kenji#jurassic world chaos theory spoilers#jwct benji#jwct#jwct spoilers#jwct darius#jwct yaz#jwct sammy#jwct brooklynn#speckles jwct#cant wait to meet speckles#bumpy’s baby#scribbles#camp fam#nublar six#nublar 7?#jurassic world chaos theory season 2 spoilers
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guess who got txt tickets 🔥
#paid 22 bucks for a membership for early access#like damn right i’m getting them#😭 even my mom was like girl spend a little extra i don’t want u to squint to see them#😋 not gonna doxx myself till the day of but lmk if ur going#🥺 can’t wait to meet my bf soobin !! (he doesn’t know we’re together)#now i have a reason to not kms 🌚#i’ll just be like ‘🧘 ur seeing txt in a few months’ whenever i get the urge#<< wrote all that last week and drafted it to manifest#i got good seats omg 😭🙏 i don’t have to squint#kai thinks
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
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i’m feeling soooo nervous for my assessment monday. we’re going to review my answers to the questionnaires i was given and i’m worried i’m going to clam up on the spot and not be able to justify myself at all
#which is why i wrote 300 pages of notes in preparation#but what if she doesn’t believe me because i can’t articulate myself well#i was talking to my bf about this earlier and how i’m worried i’m not going to walk away with a diagnosis if i can’t communicate myself#to her in our meeting. and then realized wait. why am i so worried about not being able to communicate#LOL i’m probably fine. but like what if i’m making it all up and/or i can’t get her to believe me#idk she does. bc she asked if i’ve had staring spells and i said yeah since like 1st grade#and my dad said he hadn’t noticed me doing that. and then she was like ‘well she must have done a really good job hiding it.#which is what she wanted.’ so she KNOWS i’ve been masking#idk. it’s just wild. this is the most insane thing i’ve ever gone through
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I splurged on genes for one of my Auraboa with some money I was saving for more den slots
and I'm being so, so, good at not spending ALL my money on the pearlcatcher I breed and have been saving for a breed change because he had nice coloration but looked too much like his dad to be really interesting as a keeper without changing
I already spent money on one of the babies I hatched to turn them into this:
(I'm going to give her branches sometime though) and I'm being so good not creating one of these with my pearlcatcher yet:
but he's just standing there, with great potential :(
#emma posts#flight rising#and I think i might be getting a cold which means i might be in bed more#with my computer#tempting me#I hate that I’m getting a cold today too#I don’t like thanksgiving but it is a day where most of my family usually has the day off so we can actually meet up#but if i have a cold i can’t!#ugh#I really hope it’s just a cold#I was in the hospital and then went and got my haircut#while staying over with my parents… one of which is an elementary school teacher#the possibility of me getting sick is very there and I’m feeling achy too..#which doesn’t normally happen when i only slept with my mouth open#my grandparents are so old. I can’t get them sick!#I’m getting really side tracked. oops. sorry#I’m going to force myself to wait until gene prices go down after the initial boom#at least a little bit… hopefully#it might take a long time for it to reach a normal level so I’ll probably still pay quite a bit#every time I’m like ‘I’ll just get a gene befor I change him’ I remember that I can’t get the genes and use them until I change him
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fumbled a goth tgirl it has never been more over 😔
#dumbass kept waiting for a reply that never came & now she’s gone 🙄 must’ve gotten my band genres Very wrong & embarrassed myself or smthn 😒#literally how the fuck are you supposed to meet people these days. still in a pandemic & no car so i’m not Going anywhere.#& no one fuckin talks on this stupid thing. even if you message first 🙄 Definitely not trying college. fuck that.#can’t go anywhere can’t get a job atm can’t Do Anything -_- well. im Certainly not going back to using [Redacted] regularly. fuck that.
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Okay but are dating apps hard for everyone to use? I literally have to sit and agonize over swiping right on someone for days. I gotta mentally map out every potential conversation and subsistent 50 years of marriage I could have with the stranger based on the allotted paragraph bio.
#I always other think this#or I don’t swipe because what if someone more like me is behind this person#I got one of those superswipes from someone who is very handsome and seems like A Lot and I had to wait 48 hours thinking about every#possible personality they might and and all branching conversations we could have from each of those#also I can’t help but think people either misswipe or have ill intentions if they like me because. what’s wrong with you. why#god I really wish I had fallen head over heels in love with bumble guy. he was perfect in every way.#employed. didn’t live to work though. in a book club. extraordinaryily handsome. exceedingly kind and understanding. identical interests.#and yet it wasn’t even a friendship I craved or mourned when I realized we hadn’t spoken in a week.#I wonder why that happens. he should have been a perfect friend. but meh.#hhhhhhh I just like looking at all the pretty pictures and reading peoples bios#why do I bother to swipe it’s so anxiety inducing.#actually I do know why I swiped. I’m reading Helen Hoangs new book and it’s inspired me figure myself out and grow as a person while#meeting the absolute perfect person right off the bat and with no effort#which is funny because clearly I’m suspicious and distasteful of people who like me lmao. so why do I want that aalskshaka#anyway. late night rambling. hhhhhh. perfect person fall out of the sky so I don’t have to take these tiring baby steps 😩
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2024
I’m not feeling strong yet, but I am taking good care of myself.
Linda Gregg
#2024#vision board#this is my first time making one and it’s been so fun!#healing and loving myself and living deliberately#that’s what i want for this year#i can’t wait to meet the new me who is emerging#may 2024 be full of love and health and happiness#moodboard
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im really excited to start stone ocean but i also don’t think im ready to start it akfhjs I already know I’m gonna get super attached to a bunch of new characters, meaning I’ll only be adding new blorbos into the rotation which can get really overwhelming and im still processing golden wind I just… there’s too many emotions rn lol
#i cant wait to meet jolyne and I’ve already spoiled myself for some stuff so I just wanna rip off the bandaid#but Idk if I can handle it rn akfhjs#such a dumb problem to have I swear#but it physically HURTS okay???#‘sorry i cant let myself watch this bc it makes me too emotional’ I need a fucking life#but yeah I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this messed up after a piece of media#like jjk was p bad but it still wasn’t anything like this#jellie can attest… I’m not doing well lmao#blahblahbills#jojo posting
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Baki is incredible
#like#manga/anime of all time actually#I just started Baki dou lmfao#I can’t wait to meet musashi for myself#rambling
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I’m disgustingly yearning for a girlfriend rn but I am going to wait for so so long to introduce them to my family
#they support me kind of#but oh my god they can be judgemental and rude#my cousin is down introducing us to his gf and mum is showing off my bro is being mean#dad was just so rude to me I feel so small and awful#the gf is so nice and pretty but I can’t be myself cause my family will just make me feel like shit#so future gf I’m waiting a long long time before you’re meeting anyone#except my sister#she’s a slay#🌱.chats#cries
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i need to get my ass to some womens sports games wtf am i doing
#i’ve spent so many years around annoying art gays. said with love#god throwback to my friends and i halloween weekend hearing the womens rugby team was at our friends party#we Ran. and missed them. </3#anyway. all this to say watching the wilds is a little much rn i’m literally giggling to myself#i should try to meet some science nerds. i love science nerds#can’t believe me and the butch who recommended me russian poetry and talked abt medieval torture with me. right#can’t believe we didn’t fuck nasty. i fumbled that bad. her name was karen though it threw me off 😭#wait no what team was she on. i gotta figure this out. swimming or some shit
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#this month was kinda bad tbh#my father moved with his parents and we can’t meet#weather is so hot#all my friends live a little far to me and bus became so expensive i can’t go and see them 😭#still not over yks stress because we are waiting for results for it 😫#my body is reacting to stress so bad and i’m trying to be gentle with myself 🥹💗#i can’t even sleep 😟#two days ago apparently i woke up and told my mom pls check the results i don’t want to mnxdkxjdk i don’t even remember it#also i missed being here here#and interacting with mutuals <3#ALSOO i’m sorry for not doing the tag games i’m just not in a good place rn#i usually just scroll and not think about anything#love you 🫶 i hope everyone is doing great 💞#take care and drink water!! <3#☆
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