#can’t remember what I learned in college classics

[dhampiravidi]

“This idea of Helios knowing every thing, which also contains the elements of his ethical and prophetic nature, seems to have been the cause of Helios being confounded and identified with Apollo, though they were originally quite distinct; and the identification was, in fact, never carried out completely, for no Greek poet ever made Apollo ride in the chariot of Helios through the heavens, and among the Romans we find this idea only after the time of Virgil. The representations of Apollo with rays around his head, to characterise him as identical with the sun, belong to the time of the Roman empire.”

@my-name-is-apollo ok you’ve got THE BEST Apollo blog so I’m sure you’ve mentioned the “Apollo never flew the sun chariot” thing—but I feel so dumb & shook rn reading the evidence 😅

[dragonfly0808]

college advice? i’m starting in the fall 😭

oh FUCK

Kay, so, I’m no professional here but I am about to pass into my 6th semester, so will hopefully soon be wrapping up my 3rd year of college so here’s some of advice

First off, go in the mornings, if you have a chance to do your schedule, go in the morning, it’s so fucking heavy to have to go in the evenings, did that once, never again

try to find a website or blog where students can give teachers reviews, these exist for most colleges and while it can be very hard to build your schedule based on the best teachers and I wouldn’t recommend doing that, it can help you be mentally prepared and know what each teacher values most ahead of time

always have smth to entertain yourself. You WILL have teachers who don’t show up or constantly cancel classes and while its fun using that time to catch up with friends, you should take a book or smth with you to keep yourself entertained during down time

if you have AFI’s (I have no fucking clue what they’re called in english but they’re activities, conferences, talks, outings, stuff like that) check how many you can do per semester and keep up with them, don’t leave them till last minute. For example, I need 14 to finish my career and can do up till 4 valid ones per semester but can only do them till my 7th semester. So check on that if you do have them as a requirement as well

Make sure you check out every part of your campus to know the best hangout spots. This is mostly just for yourself and to not get lost.

Hang out at your library if you have one, check out what they have even if you don’t particularly plan to use that many books, it can help motivate you and find more passion for your career if you’re feeling down or having doubts.

learn how to properly reference articles (perplexity is a great tool to find references)

make sure the teachers at least recognize you and, I would recommend to limit yourself to a certain number of classes you can miss. I try to limit myself to skip 3 classes from each teacher and try to not miss at all, the teachers recognizing me as someone who always goes has given me second chances and opportunities for extra points.

ALWAYS DO OPTIONAL PROJECTS FOR EXTRA POINTS, even if you feel confident in the subject, better to be safe than sorry

carry a cardigan or a light sweater and a small umbrella. You never know what teacher is gonna put the AC like it’s antartica and an umbrella can save you from sunburns and unexpected rain

carry headache pills or any medication you use semi-frequently, also a small utensils kit cause who likes using disposable utensils when you can carry your own + it’s better for the environment, also a hair tie

have an ‘emergency kit’, I have one that barely takes up a lot of space in my backpack and I am just now having to refill it 5 semesters in, I have mini deodorant, a small toothbrush/toothpaste I’ve never actually used, mini wet wipes, mini hand sanitizer, mini perfume, mini brush, toilet paper, band-aids, pads and kleenex.

^ these last 3 are cause my mama taught me to always be prepared and cause I personally can be a bit paranoid, I’m the mom-friend who always has anything anyone could ever need :) so those are according to the type of person you are. I also carry an UNO card game for when multiple teachers cancel on us (yes my backpack is very heavy but the paranoia can’t catch me if I’m prepared)

If you’re propense to low-sugar do NOT skip breakfast and try to carry a small snack, or in general always carry a small snack

if your career involves having to go to the laboratory, LISTEN TO THE INTERNS/LAB ASSISTANTS, half the time, they’ll know more than the teacher

remember, when it comes to group projects, you don’t have friends, you have classmates. Someone can be a great friend but an awful classmate and I am not risking a grade over a lazy friend, prepare yourself to separate those 2

try to figure out what to listen to when doing hw or studying, me personally, classical music (specifically cello music from the barroque period) really helps me focus

ALWAYS DO YOUR HOMEWORK, those are some of the easiest points to get

Finally, don’t be afraid to decorate your backpack! One of the funnest things of college to me (cause I was at a strict school for middle school and spent highschool in pandemic) has been to decorate my backpack with pins!

I’ve found a great thing about college is that genuienly no one cares about your interests and you can freely express yourself without fear of being bullied or ridiculed. Everyone is far too tired or focused to care. At least that has been my experience so far, be ridiculous if you like

I have ATLA pins, an asexual flag, spider-gwen, a matching carebear with my bestie, the school mascot and a dinasour (still looking for a winx pin)

I think that’s all I can come up with for now, so yeah, hope this helps and best of luck bestie!

[dosomethingplease83]

I’m a quite tipsy right now, because election night and my birthday are the only occasions when I drink, so please excuse the spelling errors and inconsistency/inaccuracy in my reasoning.

It hasn’t been called yet, but it looks like Harris is going to lose this election. Fuck.

I think the Supreme Court is going to be conservative (and not *moderate, Mitt Romney-esque conservative*) until I’m at least my dad’s age. Again, Fuck. (Unless there’s some major Supreme Court reform in the next decade or so, but even then, it’s not going to happen in the next four years).

The House and Senate also went Republican, so Republicans (and Trump-Republicans) will be able to push through any right-wing legislation they want with no one to stop them. FUCK!

On top of that, it’s not like 2016 where Trump lost the popular vote, but won the Electoral College. Trump’s winning the popular vote too! I thought that since the first disastrous Trump presidency was in recent memory, non-Trump Republicans and undecided/swing voters would remember how awful it was and either abstain from voting for Trump or vote for Harris. I was wrong, I guess Trump is like a Faustian bargain for moderate Republicans. When Biden was still running, the messaging was that we were voting for him because of the administration he would appoint, regardless of his own incompetence. I guess the moderate Republicans reasoned the same way.

I can’t think of a worse outcome. And I can’t pinpoint a singular point where the Harris campaign went wrong. Were they too pro-Israel? Were they not pro-Israel enough? Was it the time where she said that she wouldn’t do anything different than Biden? Was it Biden’s fault for promising to be a transitional president, and then running for a second term, and then waiting until July to drop out and endorse Harris? Was it the fact that Harris is a woman (and a woman of color at that)? I think picking Walz was a good choice, I’ve never seen anything negative said about him, but it wasn’t enough to save the campaign. “She has to be flawless, he gets to be lawless” indeed.

Even my solidly-blue state of Minnesota went purple this year. I know it’ll turn out blue by morning, but it’s still very disappointing.

If I had to give a piece of advice to the Democratic Party, it would be, “stop running female candidates for president.” America just isn’t ready. I don’t think many people were motivated to vote for her because she’d be the *first woman president*. Sure it’d be historic, it would be a good sign of progress for women in this country, but democrats/leftists of voting age don’t really care about the candidate’s gender. Look, Harris (and also Hillary Clinton) is WAY more qualified to be president than Trump, but America is too sexist to get past the fact that Harris is a woman, and the presidency is way to important to risk. We tried it twice, almost in a row. And the second time, American voters knew what a Trump presidency would look like! And even a mediocre candidate like Biden, who promised to be a transitional president (read: just vote for me to get rid of the awful other guy) won easily! Yeah, it’s wrong to discriminate on the basis of sex/gender, but if we want to win a presidential election (or a difficult, non-incumbent congressional or gubernatorial election), the best bet is a man. And winning is what counts, what saves lives, what changes policy and laws.

Right now, my thoughts are with my nephew, who is to be born in about two weeks. What kind of world will he grow up in? What will his homeschool education teach him about this point in history, and the decade that lead up to it? Will he be glad he was born in this time and country, or at all?

My own public-school was lacking. “World history” was about the classical era around the Mediterranean, and then medieval-WW1 in Europe. In the next few years, I should quit picking up on odd tidbits of history from Tumblr and actually learn world history on my own somehow. I despair when I think of my own life; I have to learn stuff for him, so I can be the cool aunt who teaches him stuff (like how gay people and Muslims aren’t the spawn of Satan).

I’m unemployed because of a yet-to-be-diagnosed disability that means about 80% of my daily energy is spent on survival, and I live with those aforementioned Mitt-Romney-esque Republicans who held their nose and voted for Trump because of the people he would appoint, so I don’t think that attending a protest or joining some activist group is in my near future. But I will focus more on the education that I missed (because I was basically narcoleptic in 11th and 12th grade, sleeping through half of my classes every day. I only passed because I’m very good at test-taking).

I don’t know how we crawl out of this. I’ll survive, many won’t. I don’t know when the 2016 election cycle will finally end. I just know that everything does, eventually, end. Even if not all of us will see it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Helping Hand 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

A week in and you’re… efficient. Rather, self-sufficient. You can’t say you’re confident but you are starting to figure it out.

The till isn’t so confounding and the customers not so intimidating. It’s easy enough to ask how their day is, if they found everything, and get the rung through. You’ve learned quickly if only to keep Giselle from rolling her eyes at you.

That day, you’re closing. Less than an hour now and you walk the floor, checking for any errant customers to remind them of the coming deadline. There aren’t many, a tall college student wandering through the history section and a couple of older men chatting over a stack of Stephen King classics.

You head down the rear all and feel the buzz in your pocket. You ignore it. Any calls you’re getting, you’re in no hurry to answer. You sigh and pass an aisle, movement twitching at the edge but you don’t bother looking over.

As you get to the next row, you hear your name. You turn back as you see the man’s head just over the top of the shelf before he turns down the same aisle. He must be the speck you ignored.

“Oh, hi,” you smile, wiping away your worries; you’re at work. “Jonathan, right?”

“You remember,” he preens, “I was hoping you’d be around.”

“You… were?” You hesitate. Your phone buzzes. A short jitter signaling a voicemail.

“Ah, yes, I was hoping for some advice,” he puts his hand on the slender wall of the shelf, “I am gift hunting and I can’t seem to pin down an idea. I thought most people love a book but I fear choosing something utterly boring.”

“Oh, well, uh, who are we buying for?” You wonder.

“She’s about your age, I think. So I thought…”

He’s married. Of course, why wouldn’t he be. You don’t know why that disappoints you. It shouldn’t. He’s only friendly and you’re a poor divorcee. Another buzz in your pocket.

“Well, you could get her a nice bookmark and maybe a cookbook?” You had loved your cookbooks. You miss them dearly.

“Mmm, she doesn’t do much cooking. More the type to order in or eat out,” he pulls his hand back and crosses one arm over his chest, bending the other to tap his chin.

“Does she sew? Or do any crafts?” You prod, searching for options. “Or maybe she likes fashion?”

“She does spend a lot on clothes,” he chuckles.

“Well, if you’d rather a novel, you really can’t go wrong with a thriller. They tend to be fast-paced and easy to read.”

He nods thoughtfully and drops his arms, pushing back his jacket as he slides his hands into his pants, “do you like them?”

“Like… what?”

“Thrillers? Perhaps you have a specific suggestion?”

“Ah, well, John Grisham. He’s always good,” you turn, “I’ll show you where they are.”

“Thank you. Always helpful, darling.”

You’re happy he can’t see your face. That last word makes your chest twinge. He’s so nice. It makes you sad to think you would never have one of those. A nice man. Your pants buzz again.

“Why don’t you have a look,” you present the books with a wave, “and I’ll be back to answer any questions you have. I just need to finish my walk through.”

“Certainly,” he agrees, reaching to trace a fingertip down the spine of a book.

You smile and rush away. You’re just going to turn your phone on silent and deal with it later. As you peek at the screen, you see the same name, over and over. What could he want?

You scroll through the onslaught of Andy’s messages. It’s just like living with him. It never stops. His last text is all caps; CALL ME.

You reply, ‘working for fifteen more minutes. Can’t.’

“You didn’t get too far,” Jonathan startles you and you quickly slide your phone away, “what do you think of this one?”

He holds up a copy of The Whistler. You nod, “it’s not bad. Main character is a woman, so probably a good choice for them.”

“Wonderful, and you suggested a bookmark?”

“Yes, er, over here,” you beckon him onward and take him to the swiveling rack of bookmarks, “these ones are especially nice, I think.”

You point to the thick leather bookmarks with the tassel strings attached and a few charms at the end. He leans in and examines the different colours. He clucks, “I really can be indecisive. If I recall,” he unhooks the same style you suggested, “she was preferable to pink.”

“Great,” you declare, “perfect gift.”

“Hope so,” he agrees, “I’m sorry, am I keeping you? You’re eager to be rid of me.”

“No, not at all, I didn’t mean to hurry you,” you assure him, “I’m sorry. It’s been a very long day and–”

“And you’ve been on your feet. You must be tired,” he suggests, but not in a sarcastic way. “I forget it is so late.”

“Really, it’s okay, I didn’t mean to come off as sharp.”

“Relax,” he taps his knuckles on the book, “you’ve been a wonderful help. Really. I’ll be sure to put your name on the survey.”

“Uh, thanks,” you swallow, “have a good night.”

“You as well,” he raises his handful and nods before striding off.

You groan, cringing as your chest threatens to cave in on itself. Why are you so awkward? You’re so bad at this job. Like everything else.

There’s a scratchy noise. It catches your ear and you swear, it sounds just like your name. Shit! You pull out your phone, the timer is ticking. You must have pocket-dialed. You bring the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello!” Andy booms, “Christ. We have something important to talk about.”

“Right, I told you, I’m at work–”

“You called me. Don’t waste my time. My mother’s birthday–”

“Andy, we’re not married anymore.”

“I know that. She asked me to tell you she wants you at her party. She always liked you. For whatever reason.”

You don’t take the bait. You don’t have to please him anymore. He filed for divorce, he made that choice.

“I’ll check my schedule–”

“Who were you talking to?” He interrupts.

“A customer,” you keep your voice down, “speaking of, I need to get back–”

“You were real nice to him, weren’t you?”

“Good night, Andy.”

You hang up. You don’t know how he’s still paranoid when you’re not even together. Jackass.

[ouroboros-spiderlilies]

Concept: Resident Evil Coffee Shop AU because I want to see my favorite characters happy.

𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀 is one of the employees that worked at the café from the very beginning. Sometimes guides the new employees and is overall like a big brother. Kind and ready to help. Sometimes makes small talk with regulars like Jill or Claire do and always ask for their well being. Compassionate but feels sometimes hot headed when he encounters unreasonable and rude customers and isn’t afraid to stand up for a fellow employee if necessary. Buys his sister pastries even though she could do it herself and always takes most work onto his shoulders.

I think his special drink would be either a simple black coffee or something more special like a Latte Macchiato.

𝗝𝗶𝗹𝗹 working alongside Chris from the very beginning is very experienced and remains calm even during the rush hours. He cares deeply for her coworkers and doesn’t hesitate to help them out if needed. 10/10 amazing manager that stays professional and collected in every situation and is 100% reliable. Often seen joking around with her coworkers if not busy. Regulars love her and she actually remembers some of the usual orders of customers she’s that she likes. Very skilled with her hands and makes one of the best latte arts ever at a pretty high pace. Will always stand up for colleagues who have a hard time or are being insulted.

I think her special drink would be an Iced Latte to sip on during her free time or a Vienna Coffee when she can sit down with friends.

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗲 often comes to the café to help her brother out a bit if they are short staffed. Has a fair share of skills that she learned from Chris and is often worried that her brother over works himself. Never afraid to stand up for herself if she deals with a rude customer but is always soft to younger customers. Often studies for college at the café if her help isn’t needed, the table near the window in the far corner being her favorite spot.

Her special drink would be a Frappe or a Latte Macchiato. Tasty, fancy and a good mood is guaranteed during a long study session.

𝗟𝗲𝗼𝗻 being the young and new barista who’s a little bit inexperienced but learns and adapts pretty fast. He’s always kind and polite to his customers and colleagues and is just a very likable guy that you can’t be mad at for too long. Tries his absolute best and has many regulars that often come to his shift. Is often paired up with Claire since she has more experience and is usually a good head-strong counterpart.

His special drink being a Cappuccino because of the latte art and him trying to learn the skills or a Red Eye to wake up in the morning.

𝗔𝗱𝗮 being one of the mysterious customers that visit the café especially in the evenings when there are less people. Nobody knows when or why she came to the city or what she’s doing for a living. She appeared out of the blue and now the lady in red is a constant visitor in the café. Though her visits are irregular she always manages to come when it’s Leon’s shift. She’s very charming but has many different layers underneath her usual demeanor.

Her special drink would be either a Macchiato or a Mocha. I imagine her liking it rather simple but also having a sweet tooth from time to time.

𝗔𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘁 being another mysterious customer with a cold and intimidating aura. Always wearing sunglasses and expensive looking clothes he sure stands out in the café but nobody is brave enough to approach him. Also comes by during the calmer hours but never staying for too long. Some say he’s a business man, some say they saw him enter a pharmaceutic company and some say he does something shady. Wasn’t this guy in the law enforcement? But in the end rumors are just that: Rumors…,right?

His special drink would be either an Americano or a simply black coffee. He stays true to the simplicity of the classics.

[starswhisperwritershear]

Chapter 4 is Finally done!

Of All The Stories In The Stars, Ours Has Yet To Be Told (41076 words) by StarsWhisper Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Danny Phantom Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Dash Baxter/Danny Fenton Characters: Danny Fenton, Dash Baxter, Sam Manson, Tucker Foley, Paulina Sanchez, Kwan (Danny Phantom), Valerie Gray, Pookie (Danny Phantom) Additional Tags: Aged-Up Character(s), on the way to college, mentions of child abuse, Mentions of homophobia, Redemption Arcs, Bisexual Danny Fenton, everyone becoming good friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Second Chances, lots of classical literature references, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Lots of Crying, Some hurt/comfort, almost everyone has shitty parents, More tags to come as I think of them, Suicidal Thoughts, This is heavily inspired by marichat, stealing lots of headcanons from tumblr, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, not entirely canon compliant, I stole the pieces I like and combined them with fanon to get what I wanted, this was supposed to be a slow burn, Dialogue Heavy, some spooky shit will be snuck in here, Mutual Pining, Dissection, Bad Parents Jack and Maddie Fenton, lots of astrology references, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), horror aspects will be in here, but also cute fluff, Asexual Character Summary: It's the end of senior year and Dash and Danny are having the worst time of their lives. Dash's father finds out he's queer and tries to kill him. That lands him in prison with divorce papers. Dash goes to therapy to cope and learn how to change his behaviors while taking some time off from school. He now needs to learn how to navigate the world and figure himself out. Danny fears he'll never figure out what he wants for his future beyond being the hero of Amity Park forever and he's running out of time to figure it out as he watches everyone he knows move on without him. Plus there are always the people hunting him down that he has to worry about on top of that.

~

Sam slammed her piercing kit down on the counter, her jaw going slack. She stared at Danny with bug eyes. “You kissed Dash!?”

“Almost! I almost kissed Dash.” Danny protested, squirming in his chair. The weight of everyone’s eyes made him want to curl up under a rock and never leave again.

“As Phantom?” Valerie exclaimed. “Are you crazy?!”

“I just got a little distracted!” He denied.

“I told you guys,” Tucker sighed teasingly, “Danny just can’t resist a pretty jock. I mean, remember how hard he crushed on Valerie?”

“Playing tennis does not make me a jock.” Valerie scoffed, scrunching up her nose in disgust.

“No, but tennis and ghost hunting, does.”

Valerie grinned, “So, what you’re saying is, Danny just likes it when mean people are nice to him.”

“Hey!” Danny squeaked.

Sam sighed as she rifled through her kit for the right needles. “Seriously though, Danny, are you trying to get caught?”

“No.” All this questioning was starting to make Danny feel small. He really didn’t like feeling like he’d done something wrong; it made his skin itch. “I just… I don’t know. He’s really…”

“Pretty?” Valerie snickered.

“Yeah, I mean, no! That’s not-”

“Why not just kiss him as Danny Fenton?” Sam huffed.

Danny slumped in the chair, glaring at the floor. “I, I don’t think I like him in a romantic sense.”

“That’s not very convincing coming from the guy who was two seconds away from kissing him.” Tucker chuckled, getting up from his seat to go through Sam’s DVD collection.

“That doesn’t really mean anything, Tucker you and I have kissed!” Danny hissed.

“We all know you’re not above kissing the homies.” Valerie giggled as she started the popcorn machine. “But I don’t think you count Phantom and Dash as homies.”

Danny groaned, running his hands down his face. Sam slapped his hands away.

“Stop touching.” She chided. “You might have crazy healing powers but you still don’t want to deal with an infected piercing.”

“Fine.” Danny busied his hands by picking at the loose threads in his jeans. “Okay, maybe, I am willing to admit that, possibly, I find him, somewhat, physically attractive.”

Valerie snorted, accidentally missing the bucket and spilling popcorn kernels all over the kart. “You think? Nice detective work, Sherlock.”

“But!” Danny continued. “But, I only like him platonically.”

Tucker sighed, setting some DVD cases on the table. “Danny, have you heard of this river in Egypt?”

“I’m not in denial, Tucker.” Danny huffed.

Sam cleaned the skin around his eyebrow. She rolled her eyes. “Sure, you’re not, big guy. Silver or gold?”

“Silver.” Danny pouted.

“You know it’s okay if you like him, right?” Valerie asked, hitting start on the machine and grabbing the broom to sweep up. “Don’t get me wrong, we’ll tease the hell out of you, but no one would be mad about it.”

“Yeah, dude,” Tucker added, still going through the DVDs unable to make a decision. “Dash helped me pass History, so if you wanna tap that then-”

“Good to know, Tucker.” Danny hissed. “But I don’t. Besides, it’s not like it would work out between us anyway. There’s no way he doesn’t have a football scholarship to some fancy university out of state. So, can we just drop it?”

“Are you going to keep hanging out with him as Phantom?” Sam pulled some gloves on and set all her tools on her tray. She grabbed Danny’s face and tilted it to the side, using a marker to mark where the piercing would go.

“No, I wasn’t planning on it. But, he does have a terrible habit of showing up wherever Phantom is.”

“Yeah, because it’s Dash who showed up outside your house.” Tucker cackled.

Danny huffed, crossing his arms, and accidentally turning invisible from the embarrassment.

“Hey!” Sam chided. “I kinda need to see what I’m doing here.”

“Sorry,” Danny muttered, taking a deep breath and reappearing.

“If you keep doing that, he’ll find out before the first movie is over.” Valerie wheezed.

“He would find out if they ever got here. Seriously, they’re like fifteen minutes late. Where are they?” Tucker complained.

“I don’t know.” Danny checked his phone. “I’ll call them as soon as Sam’s done with my eyebrow.”

“You kissed Phantom!?” Paulina screeched.

“Almost!” Dash protested, gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were going numb. “Almost kissed Phantom.”

“What was stopping you!” Paulina turned in her seat, fighting against the seat belt as her nails dug into the armrest. “You had the dreamiest guy in the whole town an inch away from you and you didn’t kiss him?! Are you sure you’re even gay?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” Dash pulled over in front of Kwan’s house, honking to announce their presence. “He was just looking at me like-”

“Like he wanted to kiss you? Duh! That’s what you do when you’re trying to kiss someone!”

Dash ran his hands through his hair. “I know! It’s just that his eyes were so-”

“Whose eyes? What are we talking about?” Kwan asked, sliding into the back seat.

Paulina whirled around, propping herself up on her knees to see over the headrests. “Dash had a chance to make out with Phantom and didn’t!”

“What?!” Kwan shot forward, pushing Paulina back into her seat, and craned his neck between the front seats to stare at Dash. “Dude, are you sure you’re gay?!”

“Guys,” Dash groaned. He wanted to scream. “I’m a coward, I get it. It’s just that his eyes looked so familiar and I-”

“Oh, you guys were getting familiar, huh?” Kwan laughed, raising a teasing eyebrow at his friend.

“Kwan, please.” Dash sighed.

“What do you mean, familiar?” Paulina huffed. “Like someone you know? Or like the ‘this is what home feels like’ hallmark romance familiar?”

“Uh, not that. I don’t know, really. He was just really intense and it seemed like I’d seen that look somewhere before.”

“Oh shit,” Kwan muttered, a giggle just beneath his tone, “You weren’t thinking about Fenton as you were about to kiss Phantom were you?”

“What?!” Dash screeched, choking on air as he whipped around to stare at Kwan. “No!”

Paulina covered her mouth with her hands, gasping dramatically. “No way. I knew it.”

“No! Knew what?! I wasn’t!” Dash sputtered, knowing full well he was not doing a good job of looking like he was telling the truth. “Why would I be thinking about Danny?”

“Oh, please.” Paulina jokingly rolled her eyes. She shifted in her seat again, too much excitement coursing through her to sit still. “Like you don’t have the biggest crush on him.”

“I do not!”

“Bro,” Kwan leaned forward again, putting a hand on Dash’s shoulder, his eyes serious, “he literally left the amusement park wearing your jacket.”

Dash swatted Kwan’s hand away, ears burning. “That doesn’t mean anything! Paulina steals my jacket all the time!”

“Yeah, platonically.” She waved him off.

“And I platonically gave it to Danny. You saw how the sun was making him feel after The Zipper!”

“You mean, the ride you challenged him to go on with your totally platonic flirting?”

“I was not flirting! I was trying to make him feel better about the ride!”

“Aw, you’re in denial,” Paulina cooed.

“I’m not-” The sound of his phone ringing cut him off. Danny’s name flashed on the screen.

Paulina leaned over to look. “You don’t have a profile picture set for him? Maybe you don’t have a crush.” She said it like it was the most tragic thing to happen in history.

He ignored her. He cleared his throat and answered, hoping Danny wouldn’t notice how embarrassed he was. “Heyyyy, what’s up?”

He also ignored Kwan and Paulina’s laughter.

“Hey, yourself.” Danny chuckled on the other end of the line. “Where are you guys? You’re like half an hour late.”

“Oh, uh, we’re outside Kwan’s house. He’s talking to his mom, you know how moms are.” Dash chuckled, clearing his throat.

“Ask them if they’ll pick up the pizza since they’re late.” Sam’s voice called from somewhere behind Danny.

“Can you, uh-”

“Yeah, we can do that, no problem, none whatsoever.” Dash slapped a hand over his eyes. “Tony’s?”

“Yeah,” Danny laughed, “Tony’s. It should be under Sam’s name.”

“Okay, yeah, we’ll head there now.”

“Try not to take forever, yeah?” He couldn’t see him, but he could feel Danny grinning at him through the phone.

“No promises.” He chuckled, hanging up the phone. Paulina and Kwan were smiling at him like a pair of Cheshire cats. “What?”

“Yeah, we can do that, no problem, none whatsoever.” Kwan mocked.

“No promises.” Paulina dramatically swooned, her hand pressed to her forehead.

“Shut up,” Dash muttered, earning more hyena cackling. He pulled away from the curb, changing direction to Tony’s.

“Wait, so have you seen Phantom since?” Paulina asked once he had acquired the pizza and was back in the car on their way to Sam’s.

Dash sighed. “No. And honestly, I probably fucked that up. He freaked out so bad that he fell into the lake.”

“Well,” Kwan drawled solemnly, “you can always kiss Fenton to make up for it.”

“Oh my god,” Dash huffed. “I do not have a crush on Danny.”

“Whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better.” Paulina giggled.

“Does anyone know what Sam’s house looks like?” Dash asked, changing the topic.

“No, but it looks like your boyfriend is waiting for you.” Kwan joked.

Danny was sitting on the curb outside a huge mansion-looking house. He stood and waved them into a parking spot in the driveway. Dash turned to Paulina and Kwan. “Not a word,” he hissed.

They stepped out of the car. Danny helped Kwan with the pizza. “You guys actually made it in a reasonable time.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Kwan explained, side-eyeing Dash. “You know how moms can be, ha-ha.”

Dash barely heard the exchange. His eyes were glued to the shiny piece of jewelry in Danny’s eyebrow. “Is that new?”

Danny gingerly touched the piercing, holding the pizza boxes in one hand. “Oh, yeah. Sam just did it.”

“Sam did?” Paulina chirped, eyeing the jewelry. “It looks like a professional did it!”

“She did all her own piercings. She practically is a professional by now.” Danny turned and ushered them up the stairs. They followed him.

“Sam actually lives here?” Kwan asked, gaping at the building.

“It’s a bit of a sore spot for her. She’s not the biggest fan of her parents' money, so try not to say anything about it.” They followed Danny through a huge kitchen.

“Wow,” Paulina whispered, “it’s bigger than mine.”

“What made you decide to get an eyebrow piercing?” Dash asked as they left the kitchen and traveled down an expansive hallway.

“I figured I could use a new look as a present for graduating. What do you think, am I cool yet?” Danny quirked said eyebrow.

Dash felt his ears start burning. “Sure, nerd, keep dreaming.”

Danny laughed. Dash’s stomach fluttered. He might throw up.

“I dig it,” Kwan said as they stepped down a staircase. “Matches the whole emo thing you’ve got going on.” The stairs ended in a huge theater room.

“He’s actually got more of a grunge thing going on.” Sam corrected. “It’s as goth as I could get him to go.”

“You brought the food! My saviors!” Tucker cried, grabbing the pizzas from Kwan.

“Thank god,” Valerie huffed, salting the popcorn buckets she’d just filled, “now we can finally pick a movie.”

“Ooh, Valerie!” Paulina squealed. “I love your makeup.”

Valerie looked her up and down for a moment. They’d talked on the phone for a while on Senior Ditch Day, but this was the first time they’d talked in person without Paulina throwing a poor joke at her in a few years. Valerie ultimately decided Paulina really meant no ill will and smiled at her. “Thanks! I love your belly button ring. Is the butterfly for your sister?”

Paulina gasped. “You remembered?”

“Of course. We were best friends once. I also remembered to use low-fat butter, just for you.”

Paulina looked like she was about to cry. “You really are the best of us.”

“Uh-oh,” Kwan teased, “We’d better start a movie before Paulina loses it.”

“Okay, well, we’ve narrowed it down to five choices.” Danny set the pizza he was holding on the coffee table next to the two liters and red solo cups. “American Psycho, The Creature From The Black Lake, 50 First Dates, Nightmerica The Return, and Legally Blonde.”

Lots of arguing ensued but Sam eventually conceded her vote in exchange for the best chair in the room. Because Kwan and Tucker had never seen it, they picked American Psycho first and 50 First Dates second due to Paulina's insistence.

Dash picked a seat on one edge of the couch, Tucker taking the other end of the couch. Sam and Paulina took the big, fluffy chairs and Valerie and Kwan took the bean bags. Danny put the disc in the player and sat between him and Tucker.

Dash pressed himself against the armrest as much as possible. It wasn’t because he was nervous, absolutely not, it was just that Danny was cold again and Dash preferred to stay warm. Paulina waggled her eyebrows at him. He glared (pouted) back.

Once everyone was settled with popcorn, pizza, and soda in hand, Sam hit play on the remote.

Dash found it hard to focus on the movie. For one, it just wasn’t a movie that he would enjoy. And for two, it was hard to focus on anything other than how Danny kept leaning into him. Every time Dash shifted to put space between them, Danny was taking it up again and pressing against him.

He’d stolen a few glances at him to see if he was doing it on purpose. Danny seemed just as bored and uninterested in the film as he was. But he didn’t seem to be paying attention to Dash or messing with him.

Dash shifted again, pressed as far up against the edge of the couch as he could. It was only about two minutes before he felt the icy chill of Danny’s skin against his again. It was like an ice cube was melting and oozing cold directly into his cells. Dash briefly wondered if he had chronically low iron or something.

Dash tried to return his attention to the movie, but the next scene happened to be a sex scene and he diverted his attention again. It was making him really uncomfortable. He supposed that was the point in this movie but he hated it in just about every movie and he usually turned them off the second it was even implied one was coming.

Sam scoffed. “Was this directed by a man?”

Danny leaned forward- brushing against Dash- and grabbed the DVD case off the table. He flipped it over and read the back. “This says it was directed by one Mary Harron.”

“Ain’t no way,” Valerie said.

“And she’s also credited as the writer.”

“I find that hard to believe, but whatever,” Sam grumbled.

“Does anyone even actually like sex scenes? They’re always so uncomfortable and unnecessary.” Dash huffed.

Danny turned to look at him but didn’t say anything. It was like he was trying to analyze something about him and it made him nervous.

“In horror movies, they tend to be,” Valerie muttered.

“But in romance movies,” Paulina sighed, wistfully. “It’s the best part. When the couple finally admits their feelings for each other and lose themselves in the throws of passion, it’s so romantic.”

Dash cringed, his nose wrinkling so hard it hurt. “Really? It seems so tedious and messy and uncomfortable for the actors.” Danny was still looking at him; he shifted again, letting the armrest dig into his ribs, but it did nothing to ease his anxiety.

“I wouldn’t think so.” Paulina continued. “I’d love to be in a romance movie with either Jensen Ackles or Penelope Cruz.”

“Ew,” Dash shuddered. “Wait, what?”

“Ooh,” Valerie chittered. “Way to come out, Paulie.”

“Thank you. I’ve been waiting for the best moment.”

“See, Dash, I told you we weren’t homophobic,” Kwan smirked.

“Thanks, Kwan.”

“So, we have another bi person in our midst.” Sam teased, smirking playfully.

“Another one?” Paulina twisted around to survey the group.

Danny sighed, finally tearing his eyes away from Dash. “One day I’ll get to do my own coming out.”

Paulina squealed. “I knew it! I knew you were queer! Bi fist bump!”

Danny leaned over Dash to bump Paulina’s fist. Dash took a deep breath. A mistake. Danny was wearing some kind of warm-smelling cologne and Dash just wanted to take another breath. But he controlled himself.

"What gave me away?"

Paulina gestured at him. "Lok at you."

"Fair," Danny laughed. He turned back to Dash. “Have you ever heard the term ‘asexual’?”

“Like in biology? One cell splitting or something?”

“As in the sexuality.” Danny shifted to face Dash and their knees touched. Hurt crossed Danny’s face when Dash yanked his away. “Someone who identifies as asexual feels little to no sexual attraction.”

“You’re saying there’s like some kind of spectrum? People actually feel a lot of attraction?”

Danny laughed. “Have you seen how Tucker talks to women?”

“Hey, not my fault I appreciate the better things in life.” Tucker defended. “And I am totally with Paulina on the romance movie thing. Why else would you watch them?”

“For the story?” Dash cringed. “We should talk about something else. I don’t wanna think about what Tucker’s talking about.”

“We can talk about the fact that Paulina and Star were totally dating,” Sam said.

Paulina’s face fell. “We actually broke up.”

“You were dating star?” Dash gasped.

“Yeah, I was. But, recently, we just didn’t see eye to eye on some things. So I called it off.” Paulina sighed.

Star was the only one of his previously close friends who hadn’t reached out to him. He really hoped it wasn’t him that caused them to have an argument.

“I’m sorry, Paulie,” Kwan muttered. “I had no idea you guys broke up.”

“It’s okay. It’s for the best. How did you know, Sam?”

Sam shrugged. “You two were always together and shared a bunch of clothes. I thought it was obvious.”

A woman on screen screamed. Everyone snapped their attention back to the movie they forgot they were watching.

“Is anyone even enjoying this movie?” Tucker asked. A chorus of no’s answered him. He got up and ejected the DVD. Sam took it from him and chucked it in the trash.

“Anyone want more popcorn?” Valerie asked, standing up and heading for the machine.

“Absolutely,” Tucker chimed, heading over to help her. “Can I get extra salt on mine?”

Paulina gave a long, heavy sigh and sank from her chair to the floor. She dramatically flopped onto her side, throwing her phone across the room.

“What’s wrong?” Kwan asked, dumping an obscenely large amount of butter on his popcorn.

“My boss just texted saying he needs a new look for the magazine with a new model. By tomorrow. How in the world am I supposed to do that? It’s like 11 pm.”

“Where do you work?” Danny asked.

“I’m a make-up artist for a high-end fashion magazine.”

“Hey, just like you’ve always wanted!” Valerie cheered. “But, isn’t that a little bit of an unreasonable ask?”

“It’s the beauty industry.” Sam scoffed. “Of course it’s unreasonable.”

“She’s not wrong.” Paulina agreed. “It’s why I want to start my own brand, to change the industry. I don’t suppose either of you would help me out?” She batted her eyelashes at Sam and Valerie.

They shook their heads.

“Sorry, Paulie, but I don’t want my face all over a magazine. I have to have control over my image for my scholarships.” Valerie explained.

“And I don’t want to be seen in anything other than my signature look. It might give my parents ideas.”

Paulina deflated, looking miserable.

Danny frowned. “Does it have to be a woman model?”

Paulina looked up at him, hope shining in her eyes. “No, just someone I haven’t showcased before.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Really?!” Paulina scrambled up from the floor, bouncing excitedly on her toes. “You mean it?”

“Yeah. If it helps you keep your job, what’s the harm?”

Paulina clapped, doing a happy little jig. “Dash! Keys! I have to go get my bag!”

Dash dug into his pocket- not fast enough for Paulina’s liking- and tossed her his keys. She caught them and ran excitedly up the stairs.

“Oh, so I can’t do your makeup, but Paulina can? Does someone still have a lingering crush?” Sam teased.

“Yeah, Sam, because helping a friend not get fired counts as a lingering crush.” Danny's frown deepened.

“You should go cleanse your face then. It’ll save her a lot of time.” Valerie suggested.

“I have aloe vera in there,” Sam added as Danny headed for the bathroom. “It’s a nice primer!”

“Why’s he need to do that?” Dash asked, eyeing Valerie and Sam’s makeup and trying to imagine it on Danny.

“Makes the makeup go on smoother and helps it not to clog pores.” Sam shrugged.

“Man, you guys have to do so much every day. I respect it.” Kwan said.

“I’m totally getting pictures to use as blackmail for later.” Tucker chuckled.

Valerie rolled her eyes. “I think blackmail only works if someone is ashamed of it. Danny seems pretty comfortable with himself.”

Danny returned to the theater room at the same time as Paulina. She was glowing like a golden retriever who’d just gotten their favorite snack.

“Okay, sit in my chair while I get things set up.”

Danny sat.

“You guys wanna play Mario Kart while we wait?” Sam asked, already walking over to set up the Wii.

“Duh!” Tucker cheered.

Sam handed everyone but Kwan a controller. “We’ll have to take turns. It only allows four players at a time.”

“No problem,” Kwan said. “It’ll give me time to learn your weaknesses.”

Paulina pulled a little square folding table from her bag and pulled the legs out to the right height. She locked them in place and began putting products on it very meticulously. “He said something bold and fierce.” She muttered to herself.

“I don’t know if I could be considered ‘fierce’,” Danny mumbled.

“Nonsense.” Paulina turned and grabbed Danny’s face, tilting it from side to side and analyzing the planes and curves. “You totally have the cheekbones for it. I’m gonna have to mix a custom foundation though, you’re really pale.”

“His undertone is orange,” Sam called, selecting Bowser on the screen.

“No fair,” Valerie shouted. “You always get Bowser.”

“You snooze, you lose.”

“Thanks, Sam!” Paulina turned to her makeup setup, grabbing a disc and squeezing product onto it, mixing it with a brush.

“This is why I choose Luigi.” Tucker boasted. “No one ever takes Luigi from me.”

“Dash, pick Yoshi,” Kwan whispered, still loud enough for everyone to hear him.

“Why?” Dash loudly whispered back.

“Just trust me.”

The foundation was cold as Paulina painted his skin. He resisted the urge to pull away, sitting almost perfectly still. Paulina was muttering under her breath. Danny closed his eyes so she could focus without scrutiny.

“Starting with Rainbow Road is just pure evil,” Tucker whined.

“Are you allergic to glitter?” Paulina asked.

Danny peaked at her over at the table now. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Perfect, I have this new moonstone highlight I’ve been dying to try on someone but it’s got glitter in it. So, we’re going to do a smokey eye with the moonstone highlight, black lipstick, and maybe a green blush? Then we can do like an ocean theme.”

“Sounds more like a galaxy to me,” Danny replied, looking at the colors she was grouping together.

“Oh! That’s actually perfect! Summer galaxy! Now, I just have to come up with a tagline.” Paulina put a dark purple and a light pink next to the green. “He said he wanted bold. Space is pretty bold. We can even do like star freckles or something.”

“You had better keep that blue shell to yourself, Foley,” Dash warned.

“Sam, tell me you did not just throw that banana at me,” Valerie screamed.

Paulina picked up a much fluffier brush, a contour palette in her hand. “Are you ready? We’re getting into the complicated stuff.”

Danny nodded, grinning at her. “Make me beautiful, Paulie.”

“Eat my dust suckers!” Tucker cackled.

Kwan slapped Dash’s shoulders. “Dash! Dodge, dodge, dodge!”

“Stop backseat karting, Kwan!”

Danny found that his smile wouldn’t leave his face. He really hoped that wouldn’t mess Paulina up. The room was bathed in a nice, comforting aura and it made him want to giggle. To see everyone getting along so well, made him extremely happy. He kind of wanted to tell everyone. But he figured that wouldn’t be the best thing to say while they were in an intense Mario Kart round. He did giggle when Paulina’s brush tickled his nose.

“Someone seems happy,” She giggled with him.

Danny shrugged. “It’s just really nice to see everyone getting along.”

“You call that getting along?”

“I know where you live, Gray!” Sam hurled three green shells at Valerie.

“Bring it on, Manson! Bring it on!” Valerie dodged them all.

“Dash, please,” Tucker begged, “we’re friends, right?”

“Right now, Foley, we’re mortal enemies.”

“Go for the throat, Dash!” Kwan cheered.

Danny laughed again. “Yeah, I would. Considering there was a time when we couldn’t even be in the same room without wanting to kill each other. I count this as a win.”

“No!” Tucker wailed. “I was so close!”

“Read it and weep, people. Read it and weep.” Sam whooped.

Dash sighed, passing his controller to Kwan. “So much for trusting you.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you suck.”

Paulina grabbed a separate brush, dipping it into one of the galaxy colors and brushing it onto Danny’s cheeks. “Thank you, by the way. I owe you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I used to let Jazz and my cousin practice makeup on me all the time. I’m comfortable in my masculinity. No big deal to help a friend.”

“Good, because I’m putting a lot of glitter on your face.”

“I see how it is, Valerie,” Tucker muttered darkly. “Kwan, team up with me?”

Kwan shook his head. “You’re on your own. Every man for himself.”

“No! My go-cart buddy has abandoned me in my hour of need!”

“How’s it going over here?” Dash asked, leaning over the edge of the couch to watch Paulina work her magic. Danny cracked his eyes open to look at him. “It looks like space threw up on you.”

“Good, that’s what we’re going for. Danny has amazing bone structure. Richard is going to love him!” Paulina squealed.

Dash smirked at him. “How does it feel to have amazing bone structure, Fenton?”

“Like I’m some kind of king being pampered.”

“Okay, time for lipstick. Open your mouth like an ‘o’.” Paulina instructed.

Danny did as he was told. He could see Dash watching intently out of the corner of his eye. He winked at him. Dash startled and looked away.

“Okay, you need to let that dry and then we can take some photos.” Paulina turned away to start cleaning up her table. She took her tools to the bathroom to clean them.

“How does it feel?” Dash asked.

Danny pressed his lips together, humming. “Kinda buttery. Like sticky, melted butter.” An idea popped into Danny’s mind and he grinned at Dash. “Wanna feel?”

Dash’s eyes went wide. As he was fishing for an answer, Danny gently gripped his jaw, tilting his head to the side. He pressed his lips firmly to Dash’s cheek, dragging his hand down his jaw before letting go and pulling away with an exaggerated ‘mwah!’.”

Dash jolted away, crimson spilling over his cheeks and ears. He brought a hand up to his cheek in disbelief. Danny howled with laughter.

“Stop flirting with the enemy, Danny!” Tucker laughed.

“Aw, feeling left out, Tuck?” Danny stood up and walked over to Tucker.

“Do not distract me right now, Fenton. I'll never forgive you.” Tucker warned, leaning away. Danny ignored him, planting another kiss on Tucker’s cheek. Tucker swatted him away, swerving into a banana peel on the screen.

“I will get my revenge, Danny. Just you wait!” Tucker threatened with no real heat behind it.

Danny laughed so hard he was losing his breath. Sam rolled her eyes at him.

“Don’t even think of bringing that over here.” Valerie hissed. “I’m about to win.”

“Hey!” Paulina screeched, returning from the bathroom. “I said to let it dry! Get back over here so I can fix it.”

Danny obediently sat back in the chair.

“Uh-oh,” Kwan snickered, poking Dash in his side. “Someone is self-destructing.”

Dash glared at him, snapping out of whatever daze he had been in. He rubbed the lipstick off his face. Danny was pretty proud of himself- he’d examine what that meant later.

Paulina reapplied the lipstick. “I mean it this time, mister. Let it dry.”

Sam handed her controller to Dash and wandered over to admire Paulina’s handiwork. “Wow, you look very pretty, Danny.”

Danny struck a pose, batting his eyelashes. “Tell me more.”

Sam grinned, a playful shine in her eyes. “You're pale white and ice cold. Your skin is all sparkly. I know what you are.”

“Say it then, Sam.” Danny giggled, unable to keep up the character.

Paulina gasped. “I’ve turned you into a space vampire!”

“Please, he’d have to be impossibly fast and strong for that.” Valerie chuckled.

“Yeah, no offense, but Danny has never been the poster boy for impossibly strong.” Kwan laughed.

“If you’ve seen him text,” Tucker added, “then you’d know he talks exactly like he’s from this time.”

“Has everyone in this room seen Twilight?” Danny jokingly rolled his eyes, standing from his chair. “C’mon, Paulina, let’s get these photos taken so we can start the next movie.”

“Hopefully it’s a better one this time around.” Sam huffed.

Dash will not admit that he paid more attention to Danny and Paulina’s photo shoot than the last round of Mario Kart. And if he thought sitting next to Danny had been hard before, it was downright torture now.

Apparently, if Danny was actually invested in a movie, he talked a lot. He kept leaning over to whisper things to him and while he knew, logically, in his brain, that whispering was all Danny was doing, he couldn’t help but remember the feel of Danny’s lips against his cheek every time. His heart would not stop racing and he was pretty sure he was sweaty now.

Tucker did not seem to share this problem. Every time Danny leaned over to whisper something to him, he just whispered back or laughed and turned his attention right back to the movie like it was no big deal. Dash tried rationalizing it by reminding himself that they had been best friends for longer than Dash had known them and he simply wasn’t as used to Danny’s antics as Tucker was.

It unnerved him near the middle of the movie when Danny had been quiet for more than five minutes. Dash glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He was slouching back into the couch and periodically slowly blinking his eyes like he was fighting off sleep.

Dash shifted to give him more room to fall asleep if he needed to. But only a few moments after that, he felt a weight hit his shoulder and froze as Danny’s hair tickled his chin.

“Uh-oh,” Valerie laughed, taking a picture on her phone. “Dash has been chosen.”

“You’re in it for the long haul now, Dash.” Tucker cackled, also taking pictures.

Dash tried to ignore the blackmail obviously being collected. “What am I in?”

“You know when a cat falls asleep on your lap and under cat law, you aren’t allowed to disturb them? Consider yourself under Danny law. He has insomnia and doesn’t sleep much. So, when he does sleep, we try to let him get as much as he can.” Sam explained, doing better than the others at hiding her picture-taking.

Dash glanced down at him. He could understand the struggle with sleep. Usually when he was having issues, he took Pookie on a walk. He wondered how Danny dealt with it. Casually, he shifted the angle he was sitting at so Danny could fit against him more comfortably. He slipped his hand around his waist so his shoulder wasn’t jutting against Danny’s back. Okay, he could handle this.

“Whipped,” Kwan whispered at him. Dash flipped him off.

Dash was a little worried that he could barely feel the rise and fall of Danny’s breaths. With him this close, he should be able to tell how he was breathing. And he was slightly colder than before if that was even possible. He wondered if his insomnia played a part in his temperature. Or why he slept like a dead person. A small sense of deja vu hit him, but he shook it off.

“Well, I think that movie was more horrific than the last one,” Sam exclaimed as the movie came to an end.

“Wasn’t this supposed to be a rom-com?” Paulina asked.

“I think they’re getting their genres mixed up.” Valerie yawned.

Danny started blinking awake at the sound of everyone talking. He stretched and froze when he felt a body behind him. He looked back at Dash and Dash really wished Paulina wasn’t as good as she was at her job because the colors she’d put on really brought out his eyes.

“Sorry,” Danny muttered, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” He started scooting away.

Dash dropped his hand from his waist. “Oh, not a problem.” He stuttered. He really wanted to tell Paulina to shut up. She wasn't saying anything but she was grinning at him and he knew what she was telling him. He squeezed his elbows, keeping his eyes away from Danny- who was probably more embarrassed than he was.

“Who’s picking the next one?” Tucker asked, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Not me." Valerie stood, stretched, and began to pick up her trash. "It’s like 2 am. I’m tapped out.”

“I agree,” Kwan mumbled, following suit. “It’s bedtime.”

Danny also stood, picking up his plate and cup. “I’ll help clean up the popcorn.”

Everyone else jumped up to help clean, not wanting to be the only one not helping. Except for Tucker, who stretched out on the couch once he had it to himself. “Sam,” he whined, “I’m too tired to go home. Can I crash here?”

“Yeah, unlike Danny, my parents actually like you so if they find you down here you’ll be fine.” Sam put all the DVD cases away.

“Why don’t they like Danny?” Paulina asked, tying off a trash bag.

“Take your pick. My parents are dangerous and I’m a bad influence.” Danny mocked.

Dash snorted. “You? A bad influence?”

“That’s what I keep telling them!” Sam huffed. “If anything, I’m the bad influence.”

Once the room was put back together, everyone started gathering their things; Sam pulled a spare blanket and pillow out of the cupboard for Tucker.

Dash cleared his throat. “Did you want a ride home, Danny?”

Danny looked up at him, nerves plain to see. “Oh, I was gonna go to the observatory after this. Not home. But I appreciate the offer.”

“What’s at the observatory this late?” Kwan asked.

“There’s supposed to be a comet that’s just bright enough to be visible without a telescope tonight. I was gonna try to find it.”

Dash shifted his weight from foot to foot, fiddling with his keys in his pocket. “If it doesn’t bother you, I could tag along once we drop off Paulina and Kwan. You know, for safety reasons. In case there’s a ghost attack or something.”

“Safety reasons,” Paulina whispered.

Danny’s eyes seemed to glow with renewed excitement. “Really? I mean, yeah, if you don’t mind being out that late.”

Dash’s heart squeezed so hard in his chest he thought he was having a heart attack. “Yeah, I don’t mind at all. I’ll go get the car started so it’s warm for you. Thanks for having me, Sam.”

“No problem. See ya later!”

Dash grabbed Paulina’s big makeup bag for her and headed for the stairs. He did a couple of breathing exercises on the way to the car to calm his anxiety. His phone pinged.

Paulina: Not a crush, huh ;)

He ignored her text. He was just hanging out with a friend. She was completely wrong. In no way was this a crush.

Danny climbed into the front seat as soon as Paulina was safely inside her house. “You know how to get to the observatory right?”

“Yeah, isn’t it, like, way past closing though?” Dash waited for Danny to put his seat belt on before heading back onto the road.

“Oh for sure. But there’s a hill around the back that has a really nice view.”

“Man, you’re like super into this space stuff, huh?” Dash teased.

Danny gave a short laugh. “I wanted to be an astronaut. I’ve been to every space camp within 150 miles of here and I have all the space shuttle simulations on my computer. I even had Sam teach me astrology just because it involved space. So, yeah, I guess you could call me obsessed.”

Dash glanced at him. “What do you mean, ‘wanted’ to be an astronaut?”

Danny leaned back in his seat, frowning. “Well for one, they only choose like a hundred people every two years to go into the space program. And for two, I learned you don’t really make livable wages off being an astronaut alone. And it’s already hard to leave Amity Park, let alone the planet.”

“Jazz has managed though, right? What’s stopping you from figuring it out?”

Danny sighed. “I’m not as strong as Jazz is. Plus, I’m needed here.” He didn’t let Dash respond as he leaned forward and pointed at a dirt road. “Take this service road, it will lead you to the employee parking lot at the base of the hill.”

Dash did, tapping his hands against the wheel. “Are you sure we’re allowed to be back here?”

Danny quirked an eyebrow at him, his voice taking on a teasing tone. “I never took you for someone afraid to break the rules.”

“I’m not afraid.” Dash sat up straighter. He cleared his throat. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re talking about.”

Danny laughed. “Dash, it’s 3 am. No one cares.”

“I know. It’s just what if a police patrol comes by-”

“Trust me, they never patrol back here. We’ll be fine, scaredy cat.”

Dash huffed. “I’m not scared.” He parked in the spot closest to the hill.

Danny was about to step out of the car but Dash stopped him. “It’s kind of chilly out there. Do you need a jacket?”

He shook his head. “I’m okay. The cold doesn’t affect me that bad.”

“Dude, your skin is already like ice. My letterman is in the back, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Danny’s heart skipped a beat. He did like Dash’s jacket, but some voice nagging in the back of his head said it was a bad idea. “Really, I’m okay, it’s not that big of a deal-”

“If it’s no big deal, then just take the jacket.” Dash leaned around the seats and yanked his jacket from the back seat. He shoved it into Danny’s hands before he could protest. “It’ll make me feel better about being out here in fifty-degree weather.”

Danny pinched his mouth close, any protest he had dying on his lips. He tore his eyes away from Dash to stare at the jacket. Realistically, he knew that normal people, people who were alive, would be concerned with how cold they were. Dash was just trying to keep a friend safe and comfortable. He sighed and pulled the jacket on, crossing his arms at Dash. “Happy?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Dash smiled.

Danny huffed, stepping out of the car. He led Dash up the hill, going slow so Dash could see where he was avoiding loose rocks and such. The top of the hill was bare, covered in nothing but grass; a perfect view of the sky away from all the light pollution and no tall trees or buildings to block parts of it.

Danny laid down, actually a little thankful for Dash’s jacket when the chill of the grass bit into him. He patted the spot next to him and Dash followed suit, wriggling around to get comfortable. The stars glimmered above them hiding the comet Danny was searching for.

“So, is a comet just a meteor with a tail?” Dash asked after a long moment of silence.

“A comet is made of dust and ice and other space matter that orbits the sun in an elliptical orbit. A meteor is a piece of space matter that has breached Earth’s atmosphere and it turns into a meteorite when it collides with Earth’s surface.” Danny explained patiently. “And actually, comets have two tails, an ice one and a gas one. The gas tail called a coma, forms when-” Danny stopped talking as he turned to look at Dash, whose eyes were wide and confused.

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble like that.”

Dash shook his head. “I might be a little lost, but I don’t mind. Keep talking.”

Danny's heart stuttered in his chest again. He looked into Dash’s eyes, shocked at the genuineness he found there. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you with my nerd stuff.”

“I asked. Plus we’re literally sitting on a hill in the middle of the night just to look at your nerd stuff. It’s okay for you to talk about it. I just might have to interrupt you with questions every now and then.”

Danny smiled at him, warmth spreading through his veins making his fingers curl into the fabric of Dash’s jacket. “Wow, you are like an entirely different person. I really, really, like this Dash.” Danny forced himself to turn back to the sky so he didn’t have to see Dash’s reaction. “So, a coma forms when…”

Dash was not paying attention. He was a big liar, completely not listening. His heart was beating so loud it nearly drowned out Danny’s voice as he rambled about physics and dark matter and stars and things way beyond his understanding. The moonlight was shining off his hair and the sparkly makeup he still had on. With the way Paulina had done, he was practically glowing just like a galaxy. And his eyes sparkled like they were full of the very stars he was talking about. He was so full of life and joy and Dash was completely enamored.

Paulina was right.

He was so screwed.

“Look!” Danny scooted over, pressing himself against Dash and pointing at the sky. “There it is! It’s kind of dim, you might have to squint.”

Dash squinted, trying his best to follow where Danny was pointing. “I don’t see it.”

Danny moved his finger, tracing a constellation and ending just below it. ‘See Lyra? It’s right below it and slightly to the left. It’s the one that looks blurry because of its tail.”

Dash leaned further over, nearly leaning his head on Danny’s shoulder. “Lyra?”

“The constellation, it’s like a little box.”

“Oh,” Dash gasped. “I see it.”

Danny dropped his hand, crossing them across his chest and the two of them watched the comet cross the sky in peaceful silence. A gentle breeze started making its way across the field. Danny could feel Dash fidgeting next to him, wanting to say something but refusing to do so. Danny let him figure it out, not wanting to rush him. The comet was moving pretty fast and he lost track of it a couple of times.

“You said you know astrology too?”

Danny hummed. “Not as much as Sam, but yeah, I know some. If it has to do with space and the stars, I’m in. Why?”

Dash pointed at the constellation from before. “So, do you know the story for Lyra?”

Danny nodded.

“Can you tell it to me?”

Danny drew in a breath; he'd never been asked to tell the stories before. Usually, it was Sam telling him. “I mean, yeah, but it’s a sad one.”

Dash shrugged. “Not everything needs to be a happy story. So, will you tell me or not?”

Danny shuffled around, getting comfortable, ignoring the way his and Dash’s sides were still pressed together. “Lyra, or the lyre, is the story of Orpheus, son of the muse Calliope, and Eurydice, a beautiful wood nymph. Orpheus was said to have a voice so beautiful, even rocks would listen to what he had to sing.”

Danny could feel Dash’s eyes on him, and it took all his self-control to keep his eyes on the stars. “One day, Orpheus was playing his lyre and it drew a gathering of people and beasts. While he was playing, he spotted Eurydice among the crowd. Long story short, he talked to her and they fell in love and got married.”

“That’s kind of fast,” Dash commented.

“It’s mythology.” Danny shrugged. “But, unlike other mythology stories, these two were actually, properly in love. Which ended up being their problem.”

“Being in love was their problem?”

“Yeah, sorry, foreshadowing. One day while Orpheus was away, Eurydice was taking a nap in a nearby field. When she awoke there was a snake by her feet. She panicked and it bit her, killing her. When Orpheus found her, he was extremely distraught. He couldn’t live without the love of his life. Hermes took pity on him and showed him a way that he could walk to the underworld to try to convince Hades to let her go.”

“Hermes is the messenger guy, right? Why’s he getting involved.”

“For the sake of not spiraling into several other interconnected stories, let’s just say there’s a lot involved. So, Orpheus begins a long journey, we’re talking weeks, of walking and dodging obstacles to get to the underworld; fighting off ghosts, getting past Cerberus, the whole nine yards. He finally makes it there and gets a chance to talk to Hades. He begs for his wife to be returned to him. Hades refuses.”

“Of course he did. You can’t just return people to life.”

“Well, in a last attempt to win the god’s favor, he sings them a song about love. Hades' wife, Persephone, hears and is so moved by it, that she also begs Hades to let Eurydice go.”

“So, just like that he gets what he wants?” Dash hadn’t taken his eyes off him the entire story. Danny finally turned to look at him and a strong wave of deja vu hit him. Memories from the lake flooded his mind, making his face warm. He focused his eyes on Dash’s forehead, the only safe place he could stare at while he finished the story.

“Not quite. Hades wants to listen to his wife, but, like you said, he can’t just go around letting people return to life. He has a job to do. So, he issues them a challenge. If he and Eurydice can walk back the way Orpheus had come, with him leading the way and her following behind, then she can live. The catch is he can’t turn around to make sure she’s following him.”

“Can’t she just tell him she’s there?”

“She’s dead. She can’t speak. He’ll have no way to make sure she’s there. But, that’s the test, right? Does he love her enough to trust that she’ll follow? They turn and go. Over the weeks though, doubt starts to set in. How does he know this isn’t Hades trying to trick him into just leaving? What if she’s lost hope and turned around a long time ago? What if she never followed him in the first place? Finally, after several long weeks of his own psychological torture, he sees sunlight. They’ve made it! He runs for the exit, excited to finally have his wife back. As soon as the sunlight touches his skin, he turns around.”

Dash gasped.

“But, she hadn’t stepped into the sun yet. She hadn't run like he had and was still a few feet behind. She waved goodbye and he watched as she disappeared from sight, this time forever.”

“That’s so idiotic. Why the fuck would he turn around? He was so close!”

Danny let his eyes slip down to Dash’s, surprised at how invested he was in the story. “He didn’t do it because he was an idiot. He did it out of love. He was so excited that he ran ahead and didn’t think about her catching up. He loved her too much to not turn around and share his joy with her. In some of the re-tellings, she trips and he turns to catch her, but her feet are still in the shadows. Every time he turns, he turns out of love. That’s why it’s a tragedy.”

“But he worked so hard.”

“Think about it, would you let your partner walk all the way through Amity Park without turning to check on them?” Danny watched as Dash thought about it; really thought about it. Several emotions crossed his face and Danny desperately wanted to know exactly what he was thinking.

Dash sighed. “No, I guess not. I’d be too worried a ghost got them. What does he do after that then? Wallow?”

Danny chuckled, messing with the buttons on Dash’s jacket. “Pretty much. He does go back to the underworld to convince Hades to give him a second chance because he was so close, but Hades refuses. So, he leaves and becomes super depressed, singing only sad songs. He refuses to get married again and rejects a bunch of women. And they get so mad at him that they tear him apart limb by limb and throw him and his lyre in the river where it floats to the isle of Muses and they give him a proper burial so that he can be reunited with Eurydice in the underworld. And they put his lyre in the stars so it couldn’t be played by anyone else.”

“Wow, okay.” Dash finally broke eye contact, giving Danny room to breathe, and pointed vaguely in the direction of the constellation. “And it’s just that square?”

Danny reached up and grabbed his hand, helping him trace the constellation. “That square and these stars. It's supposed to look like a lyre.” Danny studied Dash’s eyes as they traveled down to their hands. A bright red rose to the surface of Dash’s face. Another memory of the incident a few days before rose to his mind, and Danny dropped Dash’s hand. If he wasn’t careful, he’d end up exactly where he told his friends he wouldn’t.

And now Dash was staring at him, a conflict clear in his eyes, and they were so close. And Danny really needed to stop creating these situations. Because he was weak, and it was so very hard just to break eye contact. Just as it looked like Dash had made up his mind about something, Danny sat up and scooted away, creating a distance between them. His heart pounded. “Also, Lyra’s constellation contains the star Vega, which is the second brightest star in the northern sky.”

Danny took a deep breath, hoping that wasn't the most awkward thing he'd ever done. (Considering the last time he fell in a lake, it's not.) And hoped that his science fact would be nerdy enough to ruin whatever vibe had been happening.

Dash blinked, missing the cozy atmosphere. He sat up, clearing his throat. "Which one is the brightest?"

Danny, relieved, pointed to another star in the sky. "That would be Arcturus." He stood up, offering Dash a hand. But he was quick to let go once Dash was on his feet. "It's getting late, we should probably get going."

Dash nodded.

Danny turned, hoping the cold breeze would cool the heat in his face as they descended the hill. "Careful, " he called back, "some of these rocks are loose." They continued picking their way down the hill, it was slower going down than it was going up.

"Hey, Danny?" Dash asked about halfway down. "Could I- ack!" He stepped on a loose stone and lost his balance, tipping forward as the dirt rushed from under him.

Danny turned around, reaching his arms out to catch Dash's shoulders; steadying them both before they toppled down the hill. Dash was holding onto him for dear life. "Damn, that was close. You okay?"

Dash's face was bright red and he was a little shaky as he pulled away, finding his footing before completely letting go of Danny. He coughed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry. Could I ask a question?"

Danny was happy to let him change the subject, not wanting to dwell on the event. "Yeah, what's bugging you?" Danny turned and led the way down the hill a little slower this time, making sure to be extra careful with where he put his feet.

Dash was quiet for a moment, almost like he was hesitant to bring it up. "How would, uh, how would someone know if they're asexual or not?"

"Well, I think that's something only you can decide. But little to zero sexual attraction means you don't feel attracted to sleeping with someone." They reached the bottom of the hill. Danny waited patiently for Dash to dig through his pockets for his keys.

"But, how would you know? Especially if you've never had sex. What does that even feel like?" Dash finally got his keys out and unlocked the car.

Danny raised an eyebrow at him as they climbed into the car. "You've never looked at someone or talked with someone and thought 'wow, I want to tap that?' or anything along those lines?"

"No. I always just kind of figured people just did that because it's what they were supposed to do, not because they actually wanted to." Dash started the car, turning on the heater for Danny.

"How did you figure out you were gay?"

"I tried flirting with girls because, again, I thought it was what I was supposed to do but I didn't really care for it. Then, uh, a guy flirted with me at the movies and I was like, oh, that's what everyone's talking about." Dash pulled out of the parking lot, driving slowly because Danny's house wasn't far away and he didn't want to end the conversation too soon.

Danny had the passing thought that these car conversations were happening a lot frequently. Maybe he should have been worried about that, but he found he didn't mind. "And you didn't want to sleep with that guy?"

Dash shook his head. "No. It kind of felt like sleeping with him would ruin whatever was happening."

Danny gave him a reassuring smile. "It sounds like you might be ace."

Dash squirmed in his seat. "But, I still want a partner and to kiss people. It's just.. you know, the other stuff that's weird."

Despite himself, Danny laughed. Dash's ear burned as he pouted.

"I'm not laughing at you, I promise. It's just-" Danny paused as another bout of laughter escaped him. "It's- you're allowed to say the word 'sex', Dash. It's not like it's forbidden." He took a deep breath to reset his lungs and quell the laughter. "And you can be ace and still kiss people. Kissing isn't inherently a sexual thing. It mostly falls under romantic attraction."

Dash pulled up in front of Danny's house, letting the car idle. "Wouldn't kissing without sex bother people though? I mean, I assume it would because non-ace people want that kind of stuff in their relationship, right?"

Danny shrugged. "People kiss all the time without it escalating. And not every relationship needs sex for it to work. That's something that wouldn't bother me. So, you've just got to find the right people who think the same."

Dash went quiet. Danny glanced at him to find his face on fire and his nails digging into the steering wheel. He was looking at him like he wanted to crawl under a rock and also like Danny held the entire world in his hands. It was how he looked at Phantom.

It sunk in what his words were implying. He pinched his mouth together, eyes going wide. He was in trouble. He was in big, big trouble. And he needed a way out fast.

He forced a laugh to relieve some of the pressure. "Oh, yeah, and before I forget, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with us to the new Nightermerica movie next week? It's Sam's favorite series so there's no way we're missing it."

Smooth, Fenton, smooth.

Dash sighed, deflating like a balloon. He wanted to ask him what he meant but didn't want to push. "I would, but I can't. My mom and I are going on a three-week trip to California and we leave on Monday."

Danny wouldn't lie, he was a little disappointed, a pang gripping his heart. "Oh, you're going to be gone for that long?"

Dash looked away, staring out the front windshield. "Yeah, it's for a family reunion. It's technically going all month but my mom doesn't like leaving for very long. The Amity Jitters get her really bad."

"Do they bother you?" Danny asked, glad the conversation wasn't as dangerous as it had been a few seconds ago. Though his heart was still racing, keeping him in fight or flight mode.

"Yeah, but my cousin Reggie is going so I was going to feel like my skin was peeling off anyway."

Danny laughed. "Not a Reggie fan?"

"He's the worst. He thinks being in college makes him the coolest ladies' man ever, but then he only dates freshmen. So he's super creepy and then he tells us all about it."

"Ick." Danny made a disgusted face. "Well, I hope you survive."

"Yeah, me too."

Danny chewed his lip. This is where he would get out of the car and they'd part ways. But, now that he knew he had even less time with his friend than he thought he would, he didn't want the conversation to end. Something itched in the back of his brain, bothering him and making him question why it even mattered to him. "Can I ask," his voice sounded tiny, even to him, "Are you going out of state for college?"

Dash looked surprised at the question. He shook his head. "No. I'm staying here at the community college."

"Really?" Danny instantly felt some stress leave his body. He had no idea why he was so relieved, but he'd take it over worrying about how much time he had left with Dash. "I figured you'd be going to some fancy football university or something."

"I'm not… really into the whole football thing anymore, if I'm honest. Don't get me wrong, it's still fun to play every once in a while, but going pro was something my dad pushed for. That kind of poisoned it after a while. And I don't want anything to do with him, so pursuing the career he wanted for me is out of the question."

"I'm sorry," Danny muttered.

Dash waved him off. "It's fine."

"So, what are you going to do then?" Danny twisted in his seat, finally undoing his seat belt so he could sit more comfortably.

"Well, my current plan is to get my general education degree just to have some kind of higher education under my belt and then probably find a trade to go into. I could be a mechanic, or a personal trainer or something. I haven't decided yet." Dash sighed just to clear his lungs. He finally looked back at Danny. "What about you?"

It was Danny's turn to look away, nerves making him a little uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I am going to college. Until Senior Ditch Day when Mr. Lancer tried to convince me to become a teacher, I wasn't sure there was a reason for me to. But, I don't know. I'm still trying to decide. If I did go, I would go here."

"Do you want to be a teacher?" Dash pried.

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. He said I should teach astronomy which would be kind of fun. I'm just not sure if I'm cut out for it. And then there's the whole 'the Fenton's are a family of geniuses' thing. My dad might be disappointed if I don't go into something science-y like Jazz."

Dash placed a hand on his shoulder. "Isn't astronomy science?"

"Yeah, but not the science they want."

"Well, I don't know about the whole family disappointment thing, but as for you thinking you're not cut out for it, I can tell you you're wrong. I mean, did you see the way you spoke about dark matter tonight? You have the passion for it. And if my physics grades were anything to go by, you definitely have the ability to teach people. I think you'd make a great teacher. If that is what you wanted to do."

Danny's heart nearly stopped right then and there. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and he felt a little dizzy. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. You kind of make learning fun." Dash gave him an impossibly soft smile before dropping his hand. "Maybe you should talk to your parents about it?"

Danny sighed. "I don't know. They don't listen very often."

"Well, I can't really tell you what you should and shouldn't do when I don't know your situation. But, if you want to get closure on it, it might be worth a conversation."

Danny was quiet for a minute, thinking it over. It could be worth it if he could get them to consider what he was saying and not push their own agenda.

"What about Sam, Valerie, and Tucker?" Dash asked when Danny had been quiet for a minute.

Danny blinked, trying to focus on the conversation. "Uh, Valerie is trying to get into a big university out of state, but Sam and Tucker are staying here. What are Kwan and Paulina doing?"

Dash exhaled partly in relief, partly in sadness. "Paulina's already been accepted into a beauty school in New York and Kwan is trying to decide between two football scholarships, both out of state. He's going to be an English major but he's excited to have a way to pay for it." He tapped at the steering wheel, a nervous habit Danny noticed. "Can I be honest?"

Danny nodded, definitely not watching the curve of Dash's neck as he breathed.

"I'm actually really glad you guys aren't going anywhere. I'll miss Valerie, but with both Kwan and Paulina gone, I was not looking forward to being the one left behind. I especially didn't want to lose you guys after we just barely became friends."

Danny needed to get out of this car before he did or said something he couldn't take back. He, stupidly, opened his mouth to reply. "Me too. I-"

Dash's phone ringing cut him off, startling him out of his weird daze. As Dash scrambled to answer it, Danny cleared his throat and sat back in his seat. He ran through a few breathing exercises to get his heart rate under control.

"Hey, mom," Dash answered. Danny couldn't hear the voice on the other end. "Yeah, I'm fine. Danny and I were watching a comet- yes, that Danny." Dash sighed affectionately. He looked at Danny. "My mom says hi."

Danny laughed and leaned over to project his voice into Dash's phone. "Hi, Mrs. Baxter."

Dash jokingly pushed him away. "Yeah, we know it's five a.m. I'm dropping Danny off at his place. Then I'll come straight home. Yes, I promise. Okay, love you, bye."

Danny couldn't help but smile. "It's nice that she calls and checks on you." He glanced at his house and wondered if his parents even remembered he was out. Or if they even realized what time it was.

"Yeah, she got home and was worried a ghost got me when she couldn't find me."

"I guess, I should let you go then, so she doesn't have to worry anymore." Danny pulled open his door and stepped out into the chilly breeze.

"I'll see you when I get back?" Dash asked, tapping at the steering wheel again.

Danny snorted. "Think you can get rid of me? You're stuck with me now, Baxter, whether you like it or not."

"Good," Dash grinned.

Danny closed the door and waved as Dash drove off.

It was only when Dash turned the corner did Danny allow himself to break down. "'It wouldn't bother me.' 'You're stuck with me'. Come on, Fenton. Get yourself together." He shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked up to the front door and only then realized he was still wearing Dash's jacket. He sighed, dropping his head harshly against his front door as he searched for his keys to unlock it.

Maybe three weeks away from Dash would be a good thing. Maybe he'd be able to kick whatever stupid fixation he had on him by the time he got back and they could just be friends. He pushed the front door open, immediately freezing in his tracks, his entire body going rigid.

A dark, acrid smell was permeating the air.

He knew that smell.

Ectoplasm.

It was thick and heavy, like it had been around for hours. The door to the lab was open.

He tiptoed over, careful not to make any noise as he listened for his parents. There was clanging coming from downstairs. Not the practiced kind his parents made, but something more desperate.

The overhead lights weren't on. The staircase was completely dark. He crept down them, one at a time, avoiding the creaky spots. As he got closer, he heard muffled screaming. He turned invisible and peeked into the room.

He wanted to throw up.

The exam table was out, in the center of the room, surrounded by smaller tables holding a wide variety of tools; scalpels, medical scissors, forceps, bone-saws, almost all of them covered in dull green ectoplasm.

Laying on the table, chest carved open and pinned in a gruesome display, was a ghost girl. She couldn't have been older than sixteen. Her arms and legs were strapped in metal cuffs to the table. A muzzle tied tightly around her face was keeping her screams quiet.

Her chest was cut completely open, muscle tissue and skin being held back by dissection pins. Her core was exposed; it pulsed a slow, dark orange, illuminating the sawed bone of her rib cage and the slimy organs underneath.

She was crying as she thrashed about, spilling ectoplasm over the table and floor as she tried to free herself.

Danny shuddered, climbing back up a few stairs to get the scene out of sight as he tried to control his breathing; the smell of decaying ectoplasm in the air wasn't helping and now was not the time for him to have an anxiety attack.

After a few more deep breaths, he worked up enough courage to transform into Phantom. Keeping himself invisible, he flew around the house, looking for his parents.

He found them in the ops center. They were bent over a piece of equipment, tinkering away; both had green stains all over their jumpsuits.

He left- not caring what they were doing at the moment as long as it didn't involve dissecting ghosts- and flew back down to the lab. Part of him wondered how his parents were able to just leave a girl like that and go work on something else. Even if she was a ghost. Before he went down the stairs again, he duplicated himself, leaving the duplicate to stand guard at the door.

The last thing he needed was to get caught and be the next ghost on that table.

He descended the stairs, quickly this time. He needed to work fast. The girl was still fighting against her restraints. He focused on turning himself visible while keeping his duplicate invisible.

He held his hands up in a peaceful gesture and slowly approached the table where she could see him. She screamed louder, voice ragged and raw. Her movements became more jarring as she tried to get away from him.

"Hey, don't worry." He tried to keep his tone as soft as he could despite how badly he was shaking. "I'm here to get you out."

She sobbed, more tears falling down her face. She didn't stop trying to get away from him. He stopped walking.

"I promise, I don't want to hurt you. But we have to go fast before those people come back. I need to put you back together first. Is that okay?"

She flopped against the table, still sobbing, but giving up. Danny took a deep breath and approached the table. Now that he was closer, he could see patches of blackened skin all over her arms; necrotic wounds. He glanced at the tables nearby, spying the Fenton Venom on one of them. Tears pricked his eyes. There were so many wounds on her arms. How long had she been here? What were they doing to her?

He shook his head. He didn't have time to freak out. "Okay, I'm going to remove these pins first. It might hurt. I'm sorry." He spoke mostly to keep himself focused more than to calm her down.

He pulled the first pin out, dropping it on the floor. She screamed, thrashing against the restraints again and splattering ectoplasm all over him. He waited til she stopped before going for the next pin. "I'm sorry. We've got a few more of these to go."

He pulled the second pin out, this time closing his eyes to avoid the spray. He took a moment to focus and see what his duplicate was seeing; the coast was still clear. He returned his focus- dizzy and shaky with the effort it took to split his concentration- to the girl in front of him pulling out the next pin. This time she didn't scream. Danny pulled the pins out a bit faster.

He half expected her skin to go back to where it belonged once it was free of the pins, but with the Fenton Venom in her veins, she was healing slow. He wished he had left some of the antibiotics here instead of storing them in the ghost zone. But he couldn't have his parents find out he was messing with their stuff behind their backs.

He searched the drawers around him for some surgical glue. As a full ghost, she'd heal back the way she was supposed to given enough time. But he wanted to help speed the process along and give her core some protection.

Her muscle was slippery as he fit it back against her bones. Her skin rubbery as he glued it back in place. He wasn't going to forget the feel of it against his gloves anytime soon.

Guilt washed over him. He'd been sitting in front of his house with Dash for half an hour while she'd been sitting here with her body flayed open. If he'd just come directly inside instead of prolonging their conversation, he could have gotten her out sooner.

He shook his head. He didn't need to think like that. How could he have known she was down here? She hadn't been here when he'd left for the party. He had no way of knowing. And he was helping now.

He took a deep breath as he glued the last bit of glowing skin in place. "Okay, let's get this muzzle off you. Please, don't scream. They're nearby."

She nodded and turned her head so he could undo the ties to the muzzle. She didn't say anything once it was off. He dropped it on the floor and leaned over the tables toward the key rack. "My name's Danny. What's yours?"

Her voice was raw and strangled. "Emma."

"Okay, Emma," he grabbed the key for the restraints, "let's get you home, yeah?"

"My mom was right." She sobbed. "I should never have come here."

Danny unlocked each restraint quickly, helping her sit up once the final one was off. "I'm so sorry, Find Pandora in the ghost zone. She has medicine for your arms." He helped her to her feet, looking away from her as ectoplasm dripped from the seams of her wounds. She leaned on him as they stumbled to the ghost portal.

"Thank you," She whispered, disappearing inside.

Danny sighed and collapsed to the ground the second she was out of sight. He closed his eyes, but all he saw was her form still splayed out on the table. Pressing his hands against them did no good; the swirling static made him more nauseous than he already was.

Somewhere, his duplicate heard his parents' footsteps. Panic set in and he stood up too fast. He ran back to the key rack, putting the restraint key back in its exact spot, and grabbed a mop. He ran it over the drops she had spilled on her way to the portal. His parents couldn't know how she got out, just that she did.

Through his duplicate's eyes, he saw his parents stumble into the kitchen, invention in hand and clearly sleep-deprived. He recalled his duplicate, tripping when they merged. With three seconds to spare, he got the mop back in its place and turned invisible.

"What in the world?!" His mom screeched, halting just inside the lab.

"Leaping, gallivanting lizards!" His dad cursed, frantically running for the table. "How did it escape? Maddie, did you use the extra strong restraints?"

"Of course! Are you sure you put the muzzle on right? What if she could wail?"

Danny flew through the walls back up to the front door. His parents had started arguing a lot more lately so he was used to it, but he did not want to hear them argue about who forgot what torture method. He changed back to his human form and opened the front door. Then he slammed it as hard as he could, hoping they would hear it.

"I'm home!" He shouted, walking toward the lab. The smell still hung heavy in the air; he'd be sleeping with his window open tonight. They were still arguing by the time he reached the lab again. He tried not to look at the table. "You guys are still awake?"

His voice cut through and they turned to look at him.

"Hi, dear," his mom muttered, rubbing her eyes. "How was your party?"

"Never mind the party," his dad huffed, sounding a little frustrated, "what's all over your face?"

Danny touched his cheek. He had completely forgotten Paulina had put makeup on him. That had been so long ago it felt like another lifetime. "Oh, uh, Paulina wanted to practice her makeup skills. I used to let Jazz do it all the time, so I figured-"

"Figured you'd let her make you look like a girl?" His mom elbowed his side. His dad choked. "I mean, it looks good! Space, just like you like."

Danny clenched his fists at his side. "Boys can wear makeup too, Dad. It's not like-"

"Why are you home so late?!" His mom interrupted when she noticed the time. "It's almost six in the morning!"

Danny crossed his arms to hide how badly his nails were biting into his palms. "I'm nineteen, Mom. I don't need a curfew anymore."

"Adult or not, there are still ghosts out there, young man. Surely your party didn't go this long. What else was so important you'd risk your safety?"

"There was a comet that was visible tonight. Dash and I went to go see it."

"I told you this astronaut business was going to get him in trouble." His dad pointed at his mom.

She ignored him, her eyes lighting up. "You were out with a boy?! Alone? At the observatory?"

His dad caught onto what she was saying. He grinned at his son. "That's where I took your mom on our twelfth date! Good job, Dan-O!"

"No, it's not like that!" Danny protested, getting angrier by the minute. He wished they would just listen to him for once.

"Oh, Danny why didn't you tell us?!" His mom pulled him into a hug. "You should invite him over for dinner!"

He squirmed out of her grip, slipping on a puddle of ectoplasm on the floor. He did not want to be having this conversation in this room. "We're not dating! He went with me in case there was a ghost. For safety reasons!"

"Well, I like him already! He sounds like a smart boy, caring about safety!" Jack-the-safety-takes-too-much-ghost-hunting-space-Fenton said.

"Have you guys even eaten dinner?" Danny changed the subject, already turning to head up the stairs. He couldn't stand to be in the lab any longer. His parents followed him.

"Good idea, Danny. I do feel a bit faint." His mom answered.

Danny plopped down into a chair at the kitchen table as his parents set about getting themselves bowls of cereal. If he wasn't so mad, he would have offered to make them something. He took a few calming breaths. "So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something."

"Is it about this boy you're seeing?" His mom squealed. "Is he cute? Is that his jacket you're wearing? Do I know him?"

Danny rolled his eyes. "You're not listening to me. I'm not seeing him. And yeah, Mom, you've met Dash a ton of times. But that's not what I wanted to tell you."

"You're getting old, Danny. You've never even brought anyone home. We'll be old and gray before your mom gets to make someone dinner." His dad sat down, bumping the table as he did so.

Danny stood up from the table. "You know, let's just talk about this later. It stinks of ectoplasm everywhere and I'm tired." It was true, he just wanted to shower and try to get the image of Emma out of his mind. The only reason he was attempting to have a conversation with his parents was because this was the first time he'd properly seen them in the last three days. And something about what Dash had said, prompted him to try.

"No, No, I'm sorry, honey." His mom rushed. "What did you wanna tell us?"

Danny stared at her for a moment, debating if this was even worth it. It wouldn't be. He knew that. But some part of him was yearning to know what they would think of his decision to be a teacher and he caved. "Uh, well, I've decided to go to college."

"Finally!" His dad cheered, spilling part of his cereal on the table. "Yale with your sister or Harvard?"

Danny could already feel the pit of despair opening in his stomach. He avoided his dad's eyes. "Just the community college here in Amity Park."

"Well, that's a start." His mom covered, kicking his dad under the table. "So what are you going for? Biochemist? Biomedical Engineer? Microbiologist? Astronomer?" She wiggled her eyebrows at the last one like she was in on some inside joke.

"Close," he wheezed. His hope that his parents had changed their view on careers went down the drain as they stared at him with anticipation and excitement in their eyes. His heart squeezed and he scuffed his foot against the floor. He shoved his hands into the pockets of Dash's jacket, gaining a little confidence as he remembered what he had told him. "Uh, I want to be an astronomy teacher. A professor, if I can manage it."

His gut twisted as he watched his father's face visible fall; his crow's feet disappearing with his smile. His mom did better at keeping her smile on her face, but it no longer reached her eyes.

"Well, we had one genius kid," his dad muttered. His mom kicked him again.

"What made you want to do that?" She asked, voice tense.

Danny wished he had never brought this up. He coughed, clearing his throat so they wouldn't hear his voice shake. "I mean, I like astronomy and Mr. Lancer said I'd make a good teacher. So, I've been thinking about it and-"

"Oh, well that's fine then." His dad sighed. "If someone else told you to do it, then you're practically guaranteed to change majors in your first year. We have nothing to worry about, Maddie!"

Danny couldn't believe how his dad had hit the point head-on and still refused to see it. Did he even hear himself?

"At least it's a start." His mom agreed. "You can at least get your generals done while you decide." Her words left no room for argument.

"Right." Danny bit out. He spun on his heel and started walking out of the kitchen. "I'm tired. Goodnight."

"Night, Danny!" His mom called, cheer returning to her voice.

"Goodnight!" His dad shouted, and then when he thought Danny was out of hearing range, he whispered to his mom. "I knew that Mr. Lancer wouldn't leave well enough alone when he kept showing up here his freshman year."

"Sometimes, teachers just don't know when to leave the parenting to the parents." His mom sighed.

"And to think Danny wants to be one of them!" His dad's laugh was boisterous.

"Maybe we should call Jazz. Have her talk to him. He always listens to her more anyway."

Danny sprinted up the last couple of stairs, slamming his bedroom door. As soon as it was shut, he felt the tears finally spill onto his cheeks. He shouldn't have told them. He shouldn't have said a damn word. He was desperate for their approval but he shouldn't have said anything. It always ended like this.

He couldn't hold a candle to Jazz the golden genius child. He wouldn't be good enough for them no matter what he did. Teacher or superhero, they hated both.

He stormed into his bathroom, yanking his clothes off and throwing them into his laundry basket. He felt slightly bad for treating Dash's jacket like that but he just wanted to get the smell of Emma's blood and the feeling of his parents' laughter off his skin.

He turned the shower to its coldest setting, finding a bit of comfort in his element. It was a stark contrast to the hot tears carving their way down his face. He wiped them away and watched the colors of Paulina's makeup fall through his fingers. He had liked how she'd done his eyeliner. Maybe as a way to piss his dad off, he'd ask her to teach him how to do it.

Done with his shower and wrapped in a towel, he grabbed his basket of clothes and took it to the washing machine. He threw an extra bit of detergent in there (checking Dash's jacket would be fine first) to make sure the smell really got out and then he marched back to his room, slamming his door again just because he could.

He put on his comfiest pair of Pj's, cracked his window, and collapsed in his bed. He sniffled, a few tears still trying to escape his eyes. He wished Jazz was awake. He wanted to talk to her before his parents did. He knew she'd be supportive of his decision. And he wanted to tell her his news before his parents ruined it.

He buried himself under his blankets, hoping they'd be enough to keep the monsters out of his mind while he tried to sleep.

The blankets never did anything to help.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Little Earthquakes - Chapter Nine.

Thanks to my little audience for your feedback on this. You are hugely appreciated by your author :)

Previous chapters - Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 3,477

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Minors DNI!

“Blud, use the firelighters, fucks sake!”  

“Christoper, for the love of the virgin Mary’s ankle bracelet, I’ve already told you I’m not using them! They make the food taste of chemicals.”  

“Never gonna get it lit, ay. Organic firelighters, my fucking arse.”  

Kelsey knew it from the moment he’d arrived early, that she’d be mithered to death over anything from food prep to lighting the barbecue itself. “I’ll come before the others, help you out, fam.” That was never what it meant with Chris. Help always meant hinder.  

At least when Nathan had pledged the same, he’d actually been of help, he and Holly creating salads, making coleslaw, the fact his sister Natasha was a chef and had thus taught him how to chop at speed coming in very handy.  

While Kelsey and Chris were negotiating the lighting of coals, Nathan was enjoying the talents of what his girlfriend had been taught by her sibling, Holly very proficient in massaging thanks to her younger sister Adele learning it as part of being a beautician. He often suffered with a tight back from tattooing for long periods of time, but as he sat at her feet on a cushion, he was nothing but blissful as he felt all the knots in his shoulders being manipulated. 

“I think I know your sister, you know,” Sai, Chris’s wife spoke, demolishing a bowl of sweetcorn salad. It was her favourite dish of Nathan’s, so he’d made way too much so that she could have a bowl of her own to demolish. “Works at Buddha Spa in Islington, drives a red MG, innit? She does my nails.” 

“Yes! That’s Adele,” she confirmed, pressing the heel of her palm against the shoulder that didn’t want to yield, a loud crack following.  

“Ahhh, fuck. That’s got it,” Nathan mumbled happily. 

“I didn’t think beauty paid well enough to drive a classic car,” Sai continued, chewing her way through the salad with enthusiasm. “Sorry if that sounds rude, like. I remember one of my college mates went into it and she said it don’t pay well unless you basically own your own salon.” 

“No, don’t be daft, Sai. It isn’t rude, it’s very true,” she spoke, waving her hand dismissively. “Adele got left granddad’s classic cars after our gran died, and I got the flat. She sold the Jag and kept the MG because it was nicer to drive.” 

“I bloody love classic Jags! You didn’t fancy buying it off her, no?”  

She shook her head. “I don’t drive, which is regrettable, since this one here drives like Lewis Hamilton on speed.” 

“Oi! Shit off with your casting aspersions on my driving skills!” Nathan barked, tipping his head back to frown at her.  

“Nath, you are scary behind a wheel though, fam,” Chris spoke, Kelsey nodding vigorously. 

“Lewis Hamilton on speed sums you up well, mate,” she added with a grin to Holly, both of them receiving a lot of aggressive finger pointing. 

“Chipping in over there with your codshit,” he scoffed, “two wankers who can’t even start a pissing fire!”  

“It’s lit!”  

Chris snorted, looking at the coals. “Barely, Kels.” 

“That’s it, you’ve forced me into this.” Looking towards the back door, she called for backup. Teeny, tiny backup. “Flynn! Get out here and do wrestling with your uncle Chris!” 

There were a few moments of silence before the sound of little feet running from the kitchen could be heard. “I’m coming, mumma!” At two and a half years old, Flynn Chapman-Harris had the kind of speed to be envied, hurtling towards Chris with a look of glee. “Gonna getcha!” 

“I’m ready for ya, little blud!” he spoke, holding his hands wide, bending down a little... to the perfect height for the child to come to a headbutted stop right against his balls. “Jesus wept!” he grunted, folding further, his friends and wife all cracking up completely.   

“What a shot, Flynn!” Sai chirped, picking up her wine and taking a sip.  

“Oi, love. I wouldn’t be so happy about that since you’re wanting kids, ay?” her husband grumbled, picking up the fast-moving toddler and swinging him around a few times. “If he does it too many times, you’ll have more chance getting knocked up by Nath than you will me!” 

More laughter followed that, Nathan himself booming, finishing his beer and opening a fresh bottle from the many he and Holly had brought with them, handing one to Chris, too. At thirty-four and thirty-one, the couple had spent the first ten years of their marriage very career focused, also enjoying an abundance of nice holidays as a child free couple, only now deciding to start a family.  

The subject of children arose a short time later, Dawnii sitting down for five minutes with the intent of getting to know Holly a little better and vice versa, the guys plus Kelsey all hovering around the barbecue. 

“So, I carried them both and they have the same sperm donor. Simon, a good friend of ours who you’ll meet later with his husband. Flynn was from one of Kelsey’s eggs and Fallon mine, so we could both have the biological connection to our children,” she explained to Holly, who had noticed that the children did bear a remarkable resemblance to their mother’s. Flynn especially was Kelsey’s double.  

“That’s flippin’ lovely, that they have that tie with you both and the same donor. They’re so cute and well-mannered, too,” she spoke, Dawnii beaming. 

“Thanks, but you haven’t seen them when it’s bedtime yet. Christ! That’s when the demons come out!” 

“Or trying to get Flynn in the bath,” Sai spoke, remembering her own troubles with the little lad when she and Chris had babysat recently. “I guess I have all that to come. I can’t wait, if nothing but to shut my bloody mother up about it!” 

“Oh, no,” Holly groaned. “Have you been getting the grandchildren noises?” 

Noises? Leticia Johnson was more foghorn than mere noise. “God, yes! Year after year for the last decade, she hasn’t let up. I mean Jesus, what is it with some people – and sadly usually our fellow sisters too – who think it’s the be all and end all for a couple to procreate!”  

Now this, Holly could get behind, given her choice to not have children. “Yes! Flippin’ heck, the crap I’ve gotten from people about it! ‘Oh, you’ll regret it!’ ‘You’ll change your mind eventually!’ ‘Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?’ I’m sorry, but I think if you’re only having children so you have a nursemaid in your elder years, you’re having them for selfish reasons. And I object to being told my own mind in that I’ll somehow regret it! I’m an intelligent woman, I can decide what I want for myself without it being a regret!” 

Sai clicked her fingers rapidly, nodding with great enthusiasm. “Innit, though, babes? Also, like why can’t we be celebrated for the accomplishments we make, and not when we decide to bear young, if at all? Why does that become the all-consuming goal?” 

“If anything, I received the exact opposite,” Dawnii offered, sipping her cranberry juice, looking over to where her little ones played on the lawn. “We had everyone telling us how we couldn’t, that it would confuse any potential children, having two mothers. Thankfully my mum was great about it, same for my in-laws, too. We were lucky with our immediate family unit, but others weren’t as kind.”  

“We women are blighted by the opinions of others so much more than men,” Holly spoke, opening herself a fresh beer. “Take Nathan getting snipped for example. His doctor referred him right away for the surgery, no hoop jumping. I inquired about having my tubes tied once and was told I was too young at thirty, that I might change my mind, that it didn’t make sense when I was a healthy young woman still in childbearing years. It’s such a double standard! Why was his decision as a man respected with more integrity than mine as a woman?”  

“Sexism is still so rampant,” Sai offered. 

“Agreed, completely agreed!” Dawnii added, the women all continuing to enjoy putting the world to rights. While they did, Nathan kept on stealing little glances in their direction, loving how seamlessly Holly had fitted into his life. He winked, and she returned it, the two women she sat with noticing.��

“You two,” Sai cooed softly, reaching to grasp her bare foot and give it a little shake as she grinned. “Adorable.”  

Holly could only agree. She hadn’t been bitten by the infatuation bug quite so hard in a while, her romance with Nathan making her feel constantly like she floated on cloud nine. She would be lying if she said there weren’t a few cloudy areas, though, despite the fact that he made her so happy.  

“Yeah, yeah we are,” she began, sipping her beer. “He’s so sweet, even though my own thoughts are sometimes bordering on intrusive.” 

“Oh?” Sai spoke, reaching for her again. Holly liked how affectionately tactile she was. In the month and a half since she had been with Nathan officially, Sai had been very warm and welcoming to her. “Anything you want to share?” 

“If you don’t mind?” 

“Of course not, doll,” Dawnii spoke, shuffling a little nearer. “What’s up?” 

“It’s me, it isn’t him,” Holly began, her lips thinning a little. “It’s my stuff about being cheated on. Sai knows already, but just to bring you up to speed, it was what ended my marriage to my ex-husband. He cheated on me with three different women.” 

“Blinking swine!” Dawnii gasped, rooting in her head of raven curls to begin winding one around her finger. 

“Yeah, he flippin’ was, and it made me a little insecure, y’know? Especially after Nathan revealed he’d been seeing other women while we were still casual. Well, seeing is a little strong, according to what he said. He’d just had sex with them and that was it. I really appreciate that he was honest with me, it’s completely on brand for who he is as a person, someone who doesn’t mess people around. He didn’t have to tell me that, but he did, and I believe that he isn’t doing it anymore, but yeah. The intrusive voice surfaces sometimes, and now I’m babbling. Sorry!” 

“Oi, don’t be silly! Girlfriends are here to be babbled at, innit?” Sai spoke, pointing a soft finger in her direction. “Valid, how you feel is completely normal and valid too, babes.” 

“Can I just say, too, Nathan acting like a man whore? Total personality swap,” Dawnii added, glancing over at him.  

“Trust us, Nath shagging around is completely out of character for him. He’s not into it, hence our surprise to hear it,” Sai quickly interjected with, Dawnii continuing. 

“I was shocked when Kelsey revealed it to me, and trust me when I say if he was still doing it, she’d have told me. He wasn’t discreet about it in front of her or Chris. Despite the fact that he’s like family to me, if he was still doing it, I’d tell you. Hell, you see Kelsey more often and trust me, she’d have shamed him and told you, too. We’re big on girl code, and she’s big on holding those she loves accountable when they mess up.” 

Hearing those earnestly delivered pledges made her feel much more at ease. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Nathan, per se, it was more she didn’t trust that she was good enough not to be cheated on by a seemingly lovely man. Dean had been lovely once, until all his bad behaviours and red flags she’d willingly ignored had become too big to no longer turn a blind eye towards.  

“I appreciate that, thank you. Like I say, I do trust him, but all the crapping messing around I had off Dean, it sticks, y’know?” 

She was met by two vigorous nods. “I’ve been cheated on in the past, babes. A couple of guys before Chris treated me awfully, so I know where you’re coming from,” Sai revealed, reaching to rub her arm affectionately. “To explain it perhaps from Nath’s perspective, all that with Lisa fucking turned him inside out. He was broken.”  

“I know, and I think he still is to a degree.” Holly truly couldn’t say he was fully healed from his marriage breakdown, but pleasingly, she continued to see him improve. “I don’t expect him simply being with me to be enough to heal everything she messed up in him, that simply isn’t realistic, but he’s getting there. He tells me now if something is bugging him, instead of panicking and getting drunk.” 

That had been a concern Kelsey had shared with her wife, Dawnii of course seeing it for herself too in the state he’d gotten into a few months ago when he’d ended up passed out on their sofa. “Yeah, doll. Kelsey has confirmed he’s calmed down on the drinking front, too. Honestly, I think you’re doing more for him than you think, Holly. Nathan isn’t very tough where his heart is concerned. He needs someone he can feel safe with, and you’re that person for him. Thinks the world of you, he does.”  

“I second that, babes,” Sai added, Holly feeling a pleasant tingle inside to hear such praise from two people Nathan regarded so highly.  

“I’m glad, because I’m utterly smitten with him,” she spoke, giving him a little wave, Nathan pulling a face that had her laughing. “He’s just so kind and thoughtful. He brings me coffee every morning when he stays over, sets his alarm earlier just so he can make time to cuddle me before he has to leave, makes me breakfast while I get ready, and flippin’ hell, the man can cook!”   

“Has he made you that lasagne he does with the butternut squash sauce instead of tomato yet?” Sai asked.” 

Oh, had he ever. “Yes! He got laid so damned well after that. It was delish!”  

“I said to him, Chris would have to worry about me running off with him if I was into white guys, after he cooked that for us one time!”  

Sitting there, she continued to sing Nathan’s praises in all the ways he was a wonderful boyfriend, until the guys plus Kelsey joined them again to eat. Later, they all sat talking quietly, with two sleepy children both fighting to stay awake, Flynn cuddled up with his mumma and Fallon curled up against Nathan, whom she was particularly fond of.  

“She loves you, doesn’t she?” Holly spoke, reaching to stroke her cheek with a soft fingertip, Fallon snoring adorably.  

“Yeah, she’s my little bud,” he confirmed, stroking her hair and dropping a kiss to her forehead, her mummy very carefully lifting her from his arms to take her to bed, Kelsey leaving with Flynn too. “It’s nice to be able to just hang out with them again and give them cuddles without worrying about getting a pissing mouthful for it later.” When her face contorted in befuddlement, he continued. “Lisa would always give me shit about it, saying how great I was with these two and how I couldn’t really not want kids, going by that.” 

She rolled her eyes at the absurdity of his ex’s opinion, Sai piping up next to her. “You look a lot more relaxed than you were eight months ago, Nath, now you’ve got all that drama out your life.” 

God, how he was. He still had his moments, but they were becoming fewer and further between, the more he settled into contentment with Holly. “Yeah, yeah. Definite yes. She weren’t no good for me. You still hear from her at all?” 

Lisa and Sai had once been good friends, but her behaviour towards Nathan had driven a wedge between them, although he wondered how permanent it had been from Sai’s perspective. “Nah, babes. Told her I didn’t want to be around that energy. Using a baby to trap someone, someone who emphatically stated he didn’t want to be father, too? That’s not the kind of person I want to be near to, innit.” She then looked to Holly, her eyes crinkling as she smiled. “I prefer this energy right here.” 

He liked that, that she and his girlfriend were forming a fast friendship. “You’re not the only one, sweetheart.” His words stated the complete obvious, Nathan looking to Holly with a smile, grasping her hand as the conversation moved on to Chris and Sai’s upcoming vow renewals. It was funnier to no one more than the couple themselves that the renewal had ended up becoming fancier than their actual registry office wedding had been. It was essentially the wedding they’d always wanted, but hadn’t been able to afford in their early twenties.  

As a result, the shop would be closing for a week, the team all heading up to Hertfordshire for a small staycation prior to the event itself.  

“Baby, you don’t need that many pairs of shoes,” Nathan spoke, entering her bedroom the following Sunday to see her stuffing them into her suitcase, readying herself for their short time away.  

Oh, how he didn’t understand the average woman’s necessity for footwear. “I have to have choices, because if I change my mind over these and want these ones instead, I’ll be right pissed off knowing I let them behind,” she explained, gesturing to two shoes that didn’t look all too different from each other.  

“Are the Wembley Fraggle’s coming?” No, he still hadn’t let that die. 

“Of course.” 

His crinkled nose had her in soft fits, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he sipped his coffee. “And what's the underwear situation? The silver set better be coming with us." 

He did have a particular fondness for those. “You only like them because you can see my nipples through the lace.” 

His eyes gleamed, raising an eyebrow. “A man cannot be blamed for enjoying a little hint of nipple every now and again.” Holly then obliged him by grabbing her vest top, flashing him rapidly. “Woowoohoo!”  

“I thought you were going for a bath anyway, rather than mithering me on what I might or might not be packing?” she asked, grabbing another pair of shoes, the very pointed heeled ones that her boyfriend began nodding rapidly at. He did have a fondness for her wearing those. Especially after she’d left them on during sex recently.  

“I am, it’s running right now.” 

“Ahh, just like your mouth.” 

“Oi, shit off!” His exclamation had her laughing hard, poking her tongue out at him as she arranged her clothing to stuff in a fifth pair of shoes. “You and your sass, Madden.” Yes, after tiring of keeping her ex’s name, she’d reverted back to her maiden name recently, very much glad to be free of anything relating to Dean. “Right, next priority. What toys you bringing?” 

She had to love his enthusiasm. “Erm... butt plug, bullet, get that look of your face right now because I am not bringing the Bad Dragon purchase.” 

“Pissing spoil sport!” 

“Nath, it’s too big!” 

An eyeroll preluded his words. “How’d you know? You won’t even try it!” And she couldn’t be blamed for that either. After casually browsing the website with him, more out of curiosity than anything, she’d confessed to wondering what the tentacle dildos would feel like, since they were much different textually than anything she’d tried before.  

It was also perhaps one of the lesser-scary phalluses they offered, it had to be noted. And so, he’d bought one for her as a surprise. She’d had just that after removing the rainbow-coloured monstrosity from the box, her eyes darting between him and the creature from the deep as she’d coined it. 

“Nathan, it’s gigantic! I already get stretched to capacity around you!” she cried, snorting at the size of his grin.  

“Yeah, you do,” he chuckled filthily, sipping his coffee. “If it hurts, I’ll stop.” 

“Famous last words.” 

“Aw, go on! It’ll be proper pukka, watching you take it,” he spoke, grinning wider. “It’s getting me hard just thinking about it.” 

She fell apart completely at that. “Seriously?” 

Glancing between her and his crotch a few times, he raised his eyebrows rapidly. “Come see for yourself.” Whilst she resisted the scary dildo still in a box beneath her bed, she could never resist the man sitting upon it.  

His bath was delayed that morning, and, after a lot of cajoling, the dildo plus a bottle of lube were added to her suitcase. If it kept him quiet, she supposed. There was no harm in trying either, she also reasoned.  

It was about to be a memorable little week away for them, and for more than what lurked within her suitcase. 

[greatcheshire]

Hey Emily, I hope this doesn’t come off as a deep question but I’ve been wanting to ask you this since you have a bit of a thorough knowledge with the film medium.

When you first started branching out, was there ever a time when you felt nervous or expressed self doubt when it comes to fully understanding a piece of art? For as much as I have my own comfort zone, I still try to find pursuit in the unconventional.

However, even if I have the drive to do so, I always feel like I’m going to come across a roadblock sooner or later. That and combined with the recent discussions about anti-intellectualism, I can’t help but be a little self-conscious about the stuff I engage with. It’s probably why I renewed my library card if it meant that i could expand on my media literacy. Which is ironic since I’m normally someone who appreciates old and new things.

Like am I overthinking this? Or is it just natural?

Oh gosh, I definitely felt that. I mean, I was literally graded in college on media literacy, so I totally understand the pressure lol and especially now, as a niche internet public figure, I always worry about whether one bad or uninformed take is going to be used as ammo against me for the rest of my life.

My main advice is honestly to just keep engaging! When you watch or read something, look up essays, reviews, analysis stuff. Generally the more you engage with, the easier it'll be to tell the difference between valid ones and weaker ones. The main goal of media literacy isn't to find the source that'll give you all the answers, but to engage in a conversation with the work and the greater culture around it. And with that, the other big thing you can do is just keep your mind open. Even if it's something you dislike, be willing to hear out several arguments and other perspectives on the issue. Like I said, there are potentially bad sources out there, but it helps to at least be aware of others' arguments so you can contrast them against your own and better understand why you feel how you feel.

It sounds like you're on the right track with a library card! Honestly just checking out a lot of classics and culturally important films will help a lot! Check out the Criterion Collection for movies. Basically any film they release is going to be important in some way, and they usually come with written essays and other educational resources with them, which helps a lot with learning theory and technical craft.

I hope this helps! More than anything, just remember that you can like the things you like and it doesn't matter what others think because the only taste that should matter to you is your own.

[thegreatallie]

This was a wild start to the New Year for me.

(someone please tell me if I did the image IDs wrong.)

Now, if there’s one thing about me I’d like you to know, it’s that I love adventure games. I was raised on classic Sierra point and click games, especially King’s Quest, and I love everything about them. They’re the perfect mixture of cinematic and interactive, the puzzles range from genius to bullshit, and they kill you in increasingly absurd ways the more you play. I lamented their death so hard and to this day I still do. Even when they make a rare reappearance, they’re just not the same, especially since the few they do make these days follow the LucasArts model of not killing you in ridiculous ways you couldn’t possibly see coming.

Anyway, years ago my brother showed me this article from OldManMurray.com, discussing his theory behind the death of adventure games.

In the article, he dreams up a new mascot for adventure gaming, who he calls Francis the Talking France.

I can’t tell you how hard I laughed the first time I met Francis the Talking France. I was taking French in college at the time and I don't even know how many times I had to try not cracking up in class because something reminded me of him. I even have this specific voice I do for maximum hilarity. It's probably not that funny, actually, but I only do it for me so it entertains the right audience at least. 

However, the years went by, and eventually it got to the point where I only occasionally remembered this article. And when I did, it was about how ridiculous that puzzle was. I mean, seriously. The entire puzzle requires you following this convoluted and unhinged train of logic to make a fake mustache when the person you’re impersonating doesn’t even have a mustache how am I supposed to know to do that what is wrong with you Jane Jenson I love you but this is kind of a lot. As time went on I rarely thought of myself thinking of Francis at all.

I was reminded of him out of the blue when I was making a list of foreign language songs on my mp3 player. I have about 18 songs in French, 50 in Japanese, 3 in German, and a handful of others. I was riffing on the word France to myself, trying to come up with some amusing sounds, when I remembered there was the name of this mascot I used to love. I didn’t even remember his name, I had to keep doing mouth sounds trying to remember what name sounded like France until I remembered the name Francis exists. But I remembered and cracked up all over again. It’s funny how, out of nowhere, things from our past can suddenly make themselves remembered almost as if on their own.

But that’s only half the story.

The other half begins last summer, when I first played the game The Stanley Parable. I'd heard of the game before, but never anything about it except that it was a very artsy game on the nature of choice. I wasn't interested in learning more because I was worried it would be up its own ass about it and I can't deal with that. But what changed my mind was this tumblr post.

I don't care if it's the most pretentious art game in the world, I have got to see what the thematic opposite of the Sims looks like. So I got the game and gave it a spin.

First off, I'm not ashamed to say I was 100% wrong. This is not at all the kind of art I hate. I don't want to get in too much detail about my opinions about art because it's not the point, I just want to say that the Stanley Parable works on so many levels that even if you disagree with the message you think it's trying to send (and it's hard to tell because it can be interpreted in so many ways, some of them contradictory) you can still have fun being a horrible little gremlin pissing off the Narrator, who does a fantastic job carrying the entire game on its shoulders. I love The Stanley Parable.

So anyway, in December, I was looking for more Stanley Parable videos on YouTube. I regret that I don't even know which video this was, but one of the jokes in it went like this: it was the scene from the Team Fortress 2 video "Expiration Date" where Spy places a bucket on the table and it goes:

Spy: Gentlemen, this... is a bucket. Soldier: Dear God... Spy: There's more. Soldier: No...

and it was captioned something like, "The entire Stanley Parable Fandom" or something like that. I laughed.

Then I remembered that I hadn't actually watched that TF2 video since it came out in 2014. My brother showed it to me when I came home for the weekend, saying it just came out and talking about why it was made and all the little trivia about it. I watched it, I laughed, I had fun, and then moved on with my life. I was never into Team Fortress 2, though I've been aware of it the entire time it's existed. It's just not my kind of game and, while the humor was funny, it always came off as kind of... tryhard, I guess? I don't know. It's actually hard for me to describe my opinion then because I no longer hold it.

But basically, back in its heyday my brother showed me TF2 memes and explained why they were funny, and I laughed. I used to do voice work for this teenage boy who also would talk about it, and I'd listen. I even remember watching the Meet the Pyro video the day it dropped and everyone on My Little Brony was talking about it, and thinking it was okay at best. I did love the cosplays of Spy undercover at other conventions, like at a brony convention in a Twilight mask about to stab a Pinkie Pie in the back or something.

I have no idea what changed in me, but this time when I watched Expiration Date it was the funniest shit I'd ever seen in my life. I laughed so hard I almost cried. And then I went back and watched all of the Meet the Team videos and laughed just as hard, even at the Meet the Pyro video. And suddenly I'm trying to get all the content I can like my life depended on it. For 15 years this game meant nothing to me and now that it's basically dead suddenly it's the only thing that matters? Why is that? Who can say? All I can do is enjoy the ride.

And then it happens. Two days after re-reading my favorite piece on the death of adventure gaming with a mascot I'd forgotten existed, I was on Issue #3 of the Team Fortress comic when I come across this image

His fucking shirt.

I swear, this wouldn't have been so bizarre if it weren't for the fact that, for a completely unrelated reason, this was the second time I'd thought about Francis in years, to the point where I had forgotten his name. Then I thought about him completely randomly, again, for the first time in years, only two days before actually seeing him for the first time in years, except for re-reading that article on purpose. If I had just seen Francis on Baby Scout's shirt I would have been, "Oh, wow! Awesome, I remember Francis! But what's he doing here? This requires research." It feels almost suspicious that I was thinking about him for the first time in years because my mouth felt like making sounds.

And like, I only got to this comic because I ended up playing not one, but two old games that are so outside the scope of what I usually play that they almost passed me by completely. Seriously, The Stanley Parable is nine years old, and Team Fortress 2 is 15 years old. If I hadn't seen that one Tumblr post, I probably wouldn't care about either of these games.

THE SYNCHRONICITY OF THIS OSTENSIBLE "COINCIDINCE" IS NOT LOST ON ME. NOSIR.

I had to look up dates because I was momentarily miffed thinking that the hilarious Adventure Gaming Mascot had been a TF2 reference this whole time and I'd been duped, only to realize that no, the article definitely predated the game's release and the guys behind the website worked for Valve so it makes sense Francis would find his way into a Valve property.

It just... it blows my mind in a way I don't think I can really get across to anyone who's just reading it and probably not nearly as impressed by it as I am, but... come on, it's gotta be something, right?

(also, as an unrelated footnote, SpyDad is my other raison d'être)

[imhappyitscold]

-Carole Radziwill, What Remains

I got mad at everything last week and ordered a navy snap cardigan and white t-shirt from Petite Bateau.

I like spending my nights in these days. Clearing out my closets, editing my life. I got back to New York two summers ago and hoarded everything since college like a pack rat. Now it’s time to cleanse all that.

I have four closets in my studio apartment. One for t-shirts and sweatshirts. One for dress shirts and dresses. One is multifaceted. For shoes and coats and sweaters and skirts. One I call my utility closet: my router and medicine and cleaning supplies. Everything else is in my custom Blu Dot dresser. The one that just got discontinued.

I’m upset about the dresser and it makes me feel dumb. Like I’m shallow or can’t zoom out. I’m stuck in the summer afternoon I spent in their SoHo showroom picking out drawer colors and wood stains.

I’m so attached to objects, to clothes, to jewelry. They can’t leave one day, can’t burn up in jet fuel and tarnish me forever. My brain chemistry isn’t changing because Cosabella altered the fabric composition of their Ceylon camisole. My neurons don’t rewire because I’ll never have another tube of Rodin crema.

I like being safe. I like being petty. I like staying on the surface.

Both my therapists call me out for talking this way. They know it’s not true I’m not this shallow. They tell me I need to have self compassion. I say that’s not what I want to hear.

I stay in on a Friday night and I don’t feel guilty. I let myself be meticulous. I spend hours trying on each one of my bras and then arranging and rearranging how I fit them in the drawer. It’s indulgent. Like I’m eating frosting out of the can. Thick and heavy I’m high. I’m smug. By bedtime I could be a Real Simple magazine cover. Ordered and coded and not one care in the world.

At the end of October I laid on the floor of my hotel room looking out at the Sunset Strip. The clouds were pink. I was cozy. I let go of urgency. I watched the cars go by and the hills light up as the sky faded. When a small part of you is always planted in the half life of grief you learn how important it is to enjoy the beauty right in front of you. Healthy distraction is the greatest gift when the only thing that can heal you is time. I’m grateful my brain loves visual beauty. I’m grateful it can feel as warm as I’m sure security feels. I’m grateful to be easy like that. I let myself lay on the floor and meditate. There is always time and you will always be told there isn’t. I hope if I die at 44 I will have spent my time appreciating beauty. Letting it fill me up and holding me still.

My t-shirt and cardigan arrive in two days from DHL. I try them on as a set and giggle to myself in the mirror. I could be a baby or 80 or anywhere in between. The classics always gleam. I can remember now why I throw my tantrums. In this era of neon and acrylic, of affiliate codes and traces of lead in cheap clothes, it feels so good to be seen.

[1d1195]

Kinda feel bad for those other stories lol but I have no doubt that they will have their shining moment and I’ll love them just as much! So excited to see how all of these turn out! And a grump x sunshine vibe?! A CLASSIC!

I get what you’re saying when it comes to consistency but that still doesn’t mean it hurts any less when it happens! Still I hope that you get out of this funk soon! Hope your grocery shopping and prepping went well! Lowkey did the same thing today and i absolutely HATE grocery shopping like it’s just too much 😭

Bestie you are so wrong I’m NOT that great😭 idk I have a very weird way of viewing myself and my college doesn’t help with that lol this entire experience has been ROUGH to say the least then mix in my own mental health struggles/life it’s kinda crazy I’m even in this deep lol basically it’s giving gifted kind burn out vibes lol but you’re so sweet seriously you’re kind words are always so appreciated!

Yay to walks and writing! It’s the little things that count and make a difference! And I like the idea of you having books as a little treat for you during the school year! I know it’s probably annoying to constantly hear about “balancing” bc it’s easier said than done but having stuff like that will hopefully help❤️ and I’m sure anyone in like school/academic settings those months are probably super busy so it’s understandable!

The reveal of him not knowing made everything better! It was NOT lame at all if anything it was so you to add something like that in the story, truly loved it!

Taking that break was a really good decision! And I will ALWAYS support you putting yourself first! I can’t even imagine how you may have been during that time that you took a step back :( but I’m glad that it allowed you to come back better! And honestly if you ever feel like that or even remotely near it, please take a step back! Once again you are most important! It makes me happy that you do have a place to vent and that you have so many lovely people that adore you! I know for me at least I love getting to know you and I love you!!! Wishing you the best my love!-💜

I've actually alluded to one of them several times, but I've been keeping it pretty well under wraps 🤭 overall. I can't remember when I added the outline to my document. I think she's going to be grumpy hehehehe 🤭

Grocery shopping was great. It's actually one of my favorite tasks. But prepping did not happen...I did a REALLY good job pre-covid. Covid happened and I was like "If I make one more meal I will kms" idk, I think i've mentioned I HATE dishes (hence why it's a main source of contention in my stories) and it sucks all the fun out of cooking for me. Baking is one of my favorites though (less dishes usually) also why it ends up being a theme in my stories hehehe

I think I'm having my own version of gifted kid burn out. I def wasn't gifted. I was just a good student (if that makes sense) like yeah, I just had good study habits and stamina to learn material, but idk if I'm all that intelligent lol. Mental health really is the pits lol. Ruins everything. Happy to give you words of encouragement. I think people who need it don't always hear it. Or maybe I try to encourage everyone on their own path because teaching 🤷‍♀️ regardless, you deserve encouragement 💕

The only time I feel like taking a step back from tumblr these days is when my engagement is kinda low :( I sort of spiral and I'm all "No one even cares that I'm writing this, I don't even need to post no one will care or notice. No one likes it" very like over the top dramatics lol But I hate coming up with names for stories and idk where I would put my stories otherwise if not here. Probs just sit on my laptop collecting dust. I will say, it's pretty cool to see how much I've written like I really can go on and on, can't I? 😂

I LOVE YOU TOO! 💕

xoxo

[billconrad]

The World Changed When I Was Not Looking

    I joined Facebook three years ago to promote my books. Why did I wait so long to join social media? I did not see the point of exposing my private life because I did not need to connect with unknown people. Yet, once I was on, I found the experience to be rewarding, and I have met (virtually) many people whom I would have never met without social media. Plus, I connected with old friends, gained resources, and learned a lot.

    All seemed to go well until my daughter said, “Nobody uses Facebook except old people.” What? College students started Facebook for college students. It’s about partying and young stuff. Right? Well, no. It is a place for older people to post their ancient achievements and old-timey photographs. Young people have moved on to better social media platforms. What the heck? When did this happen? Where was the news report? Call out the National Guard!

    And here is something else. DVDs (Blu-Ray) are no longer a thing. What? Just, yesterday, I was shopping in Target and saw racks of them for sale. New releases, classics, bargains, compilations, and box sets existed. Of course, we all know that CD sales experienced a massive decline in the 2000s, but not DVDs. Right? Physical media is an outdated distribution model, and sales have moved online. Why? Streaming media is more accessible and environmentally friendly.

    Alright, those are small potato issues. No big deal. What about the actual issues? I certainly am on top of those. How about homelessness? Millions of Americans are homeless, and every day, there are thousands more. The topic dominates the news and our conversations. I even see homeless people in my neighborhood, and I can say for sure this was not the case five years ago. This problem is getting exponentially worse!

    Well… In 2007, the homeless population (according to The Department of Housing and Urban Development) was 647,000 and today it is 553,000. Not “millions?” So, this major problem is getting better? What the heck? Why didn’t somebody tell me?

    These three things quietly happened without my awareness. Now, wait a minute. I am a connected person who reads A LOT about what is going on in the world. How did these changes slip under my radar? The answer is that the world changed when I was not looking, and even a connected person like myself cannot be aware of everything.

    Growing up, I was aware of significant changes my parents did not fully appreciate. For example, I remember a conversation with my mother. “Soon, computerized cash registers will be in every store. This way, the employees will not have to remember prices.” She said that would never be the case. Why? Computers at the time were thousands of dollars, and only experts could operate them. That is a good guess, but not true.

    Have I become like my parents and can no longer see changes? Are there too many? Is the word too complex? Is my perspective skewed? The answer is that the world has always been complicated and in the process of change. Plus, there are many news outlets, and I pay attention to a limited number. For example, I rarely read the local newspaper. In addition, the news might not be aware of the change, and one person can’t know everything.

    Is it wrong that the world changed when I was not looking? It took me a while to answer this question. There will always be change, and discovering a change should not cause outrage. What this means is that I need to be more accepting of change, which is the mark of a mature person.

    So, I am going to end with the world indeed changed when I was not looking, and that is a good thing. Yet, I am posting this article on my Facebook page…

    You’re the best -Bill

    October 25, 2023

    Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

    Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

[eurydicerue]

From the Archive: July 15, 2014

 I really wish I could go study abroad and see beautiful churches and study in the university library and experience winter in a place where it’s really cold.

I wish I could spend my days learning new things and connecting with professors, and my nights meeting new people on campus and figuring out what I want to be.

I wish I had the luxury of new books every term and being stressed out about finals.

But I can’t get any financial aid, and I don’t have any money, so instead I’m working a minimum wage job in the hopes that I might be able to take a couple classes a term at the local community college.

I want to experience being around people my age who are excited about learning and dedicated to becoming something more. The community college atmosphere just isn’t that. Everyone’s kind of embarrassed to be there. Everyone’s just trying to get somewhere else.

I have all these girls I knew in high school who have more money, and they are all going to beautiful universities and studying abroad.

One girl is going to the University of Dallas. She trekked the Camino de Santiago, a 764k journey from France to Santiago! She posted photos along the way that looked absolutely healing, like a grassy Monet.

Another girl is going to the University of Malibu, she joined a sorority and studied abroad in London. She would post pictures all bundled up in a beautiful coat next to the classic red telephone booth, or grinning with the friends she made there.

Another girl is going to the University of California Berkeley. She spent a month  in Dublin visiting cafes and leaning over miles-high bluffs, and is now going to Paris- Paris! To study there.

And another is at Boston College, making new friends and going to campus events. In the Winter, she posted pictures of the beautiful old grounds that looked like Hogwarts during Christmas.

If only! I’m struggling just to pay the bills for the little house I live in with my two sisters, ten minutes from my parent’s house, ten minutes from work. Oh! My life has such small parameters. I wish to do some adventuring, some real learning. I realize now that this ache inside me to go to a university, to learn and to be independent and travel, is something that’s been sitting there for longer than I could have known.

My reading list for this year was simply an attempt to console myself for the learning I’ve missed since I can’t afford going to school. I added texts like Anna Karenina and Ulysses in an attempt to get some classic literature in there, in an attempt to sew my own mind closer to the beautiful grounds of East coast campuses.

I wish to write, to read, to kick up leaves at the beginning of the Fall semester and cram for finals in a cramped dormitory. To study with school chums and have adventures to remember... but it feels like I’m doing next to nothing with my life. Meanwhile, my other friends got a letter from Harvard saying they noticed his high SAT scores and wanted to encourage him to look at them. I didn’t even take my SAT!

 I don’t know, guys. I’ve entered the struggle of trying to remember to water my lawn and struggling to pick up enough shifts to where I can pay my bills. Luxury to me would be nights studying in a well-financed university library, mornings reading in a cute local coffeehouse, and a classical education. I can’t imagine the luxury of having your education as you “job.” Some people are so fortunate.

---------

I wrote this in (I think?) 2014. Almost 10 years later I’m graduating from a university and have had most of these experiences (still haven’t been to Europe, but I have traveled outside of the country). I am also working in a student outreach program to provide opportunities like the above to underprivileged students (like myself). I feel so fortunate to have gotten to have these experiences after all. It took a lot of determination, and a lot of work.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

https://at.tumblr.com/lets-talk-spirituality/so-close-no-matter-how-far-couldnt-be-much-more/j6lyps3sua4l

Hiiiii https://media.giphy.com/media/888R35MJTmDxQfRzfS/giphy.gif  

OMG that was my first Savage Garden song, I somehow found them through Cascada truly madly deeply. My other faves I knew I Loved You and my all time favorite I Want You.

I was obsessed with the I Want You music video growing up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQt6jIKNwgU this line I’ll always remember "Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola". And I always thought they said chicken cherry cola. 

 But I have to think about my all time favorite love song. 🧐

I have to catch up on everything, I saw some of your lyric interpretations below, I always appreciate your insights. And I learned a new thing backmasking in music. I love music and I feel like I have so much more to learn. 

What have you been up to and jamming to lately? I have been listening to George Ezra - Green Green Grass, it makes me 🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟. 🤣

Also I did not realize George Ezra was British till I watched the Brits. Also can I just say I loved the design system for Brits 2023. I know the Grammys likes to keep it classic because it’s a legacy award show but I wished they have more fun with the design.

But I had to work very long hours for the last few weeks and its my first weekend off and I have been having dizzy spells from being stuck at my desk and can’t stare at my computer screen too long. I'll try and be back on soon I have to clean my kitchen 🧹🧼 and throw it back to green green grass. 

Have a wonderful Saturday. 😎🤩🐳🐟🐠🌴🌟

🎶

So backmasking. I first learned about it in college where I had to take an arts class and I took a Beatles appreciation class (I fucking know!) they have this song with backmasking:

🎶🎼🎵 🎶🎼🎵 🎶🎼🎵 🎶🎼🎵 🎶🎼🎵

If you’re interested.. we read the book can’t buy me love and it’s really interesting.

Savage Garden is such a classic. That song was big when I was a kid. And I just would always be like what’s that song about bathing in the ocean. The imagery was so vivid. Even as a little kid it just sung to me :) I’ll have to check out I want you. I knew I loved you is chefs kiss.

I listened to Girl by Maren Morris all the way through again recently. I’d been meaning to.

Here’s some songs I really like I’ve heard recently.

Still gotta listen to the rapper you recommended too, my bestie got recommended Maxo kream and I’ve been vibing to him. He’s a Houston rapper.

I didn’t watch Brit’s because time zone but I’ll take your word for it. Honestly the only Grammy performance I was hyped about was the rap celebration. That was dope. Also ummm Rihanna’s halftime show? Like.

I hope you have a good weekend too! I’m glad you’re getting some time off. Love you! Sending you all the peace and relaxation vibes :) 🌈

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

Thanks for the tag mar!!!!:))<333

name: cecil (internet name, one of many names)

pronouns: he/him

where do you call home?: my college<3

favorite animal: not an animal, but snails 🐌 also love cats 🐈‍⬛

cereal of choice: there’s this brand of maple flakes that’s really fucking good but I can’t remember what it’s called right now. That

are you an auditory, visual, or kinesthetic learner?: I need to put my hands on things to figure them out! I can also learn from Discussing At Length, but lectures or powerpoints don’t do it for me

first pet: dog<3 beloved dog.

favorite scent: gasoline, weirdly

do you believe in astrology: I didn’t, until I met my roommate’s sister and she correctly guessed my sign and the signs of all our friends just from talking to us for fifteen minutes or so. Now I’m a reluctant believer

how many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music?: I’m a big spotify guy, I love making character playlists and listening to them endlessly while thinking about The Character. Especially when fic writing. I have a relatively new Spotify account that doesn’t include all the playlists from my old one, but even on that new account I have 25😭

sharpies or highlighters?: I love highlighters dearly but for me sharpies are so satisfying in a sensory way and I love the smell of them so I have to go with sharpies here

song that makes you cry?: little green by Joni Mitchell

song that makes you happy?: I haven’t been listening to many of those recently (weird mental state + obsessed with songs that remind me of Ethan Hunt and those are generally not happy) but one song that I love listening to in a cathartic way is what the hell by Avril Lavigne <3 also keep yourself alive by Queen

and finally, do you write/draw/create?: I write fic (in theory) and most of my life is spent as a classical violinist, which feels like an act of creation! Crafting interpretations, connecting with an audience, etc!

Tagging: @battlecriesandroses @basterbinkers @maurys-house-of-madness and anybody else who is interested! No pressure<3mwah love you all

tag game

thanks for the tag @saengak!! these are some good questions!!

name: mar

pronouns: she/her

where do you call home? a little place i like to call "east california"

favorite animal: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CAAAAAAAATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cereal of choice: peobably a toss-up between life and froot loops tbh

are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner? i am one of those infuriating-to-work-with people because i am physically incapable of doing something unless i am instructed visually, aurally, and THEN kinesthetically in that order. twice

first pet: cat, naturally <3

favorite scent: i never look at the labels on candles when i sample them, but i think i like lavender?

do you believe in astrology: that stuff makes no sense to me whatsoever, congratulations or sorry that happened

how many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music? several of them are just my family members' playlists but i regularly use 3 playlists and then i have about 3 more that i play every once in a while when i get bored of the same songs

sharpies or highlighters? highlighter supremacy!! neon color supremacy!!

song that makes you cry? old soul by saint motel :,)

song that makes you happy? the riddle by gigi d'agostino!

and finally, do you write/draw/create? i haven't written anything in a while but i guess i do! i don't draw though

tagging @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper @blueisglueredisdead @awkwxrdapple @nicejobkid @doodledraw @ladywaffles @ilsastrenchcoat @airlocksandaviaries @redbelles @starryinspace @taeminsairpods @faeratil @browneyeslouis @waterandsilver @wasp-coffee @brendaonao3 and anyone else who wants to!

[urstruly-ghst]

happy birthday, deuce spade!

note : i am so happy that my classes are soon to be over, and i am also so happy to see that i got 700+ followers! thank you for the support, and with that i would like to announce two things:

1. i am opening my requests once again! 2. i might be opening commissions soon!

Every year on his birthday, Deuce has this odd tradition. It was stacking these machine parts and trying to make sense and make something new, and he found it pretty interesting. Since he was a child who fended for himself for a long time, he had to learn to be creative, innovate new things, or fix the old. It was a staple in his old house to have some broken pipes or light bulbs, and he had to lower their bills to lessen the money spent on something Deuce could fix.

Deuce then carried on to be a handyman of sorts, only for the practical machines. He wasn’t a genius and wasn’t capable of making complex machines. If he were, he would be in Ignihyde, but he is in Heartslabyul. He represents the Deuce card of Spades, and he is beyond happy to do so.

This odd tradition of making some new practical machines (aka just upgrading some of his trinkets) carried on, even if he was a student and no longer needed to worry extensively about finances when his school was a prestigious college. This leads to him being shut-in for a few hours just to make something useful or something new for his mom. 

Many of his birthdays weren’t the lavish classic birthday, and it was usually filled with kitchen table bills and a small baked cake his mother made. It was a simple celebration if you can call it that, but it was more than enough to make him smile. Deuce is an easily satisfied man, give him a card and simple machinery, and he smiles ear to ear.

He was used to being a simple person, and he didn’t expect such great life after his shady and hurtful past. A delinquent getting something good after hurting multiple people? That’s unfair, at least that’s what he thinks. It is probably the unsettling guilt and sadness that he can’t remove the harsh and brash delinquent side altogether. It was like a pesky bee, buzzing and following you with the intent not to stop. 

So, it was such a surprise when his dorm, and you, had made a lavish celebration in the name of his birth. Deuce was gobsmacked, at a loss for words, and flattered. His cheeks felt warm, and his sweat stuck profusely to his uniform. None of his work was noteworthy, so why the sudden celebration?

Unknown to him, he was noteworthy. Deuce may only remember a lot of his mistakes, the chandelier and tart incident, the Overblots, the countless times he failed to save you from harm; yet he forgets all the times he did his magic and cheering. At times, he was the logical one, where he defended every action you did when you did your absolute best.

He discredits himself when he shouldn’t, not after doing everything to make you and everyone else happy and a bit fuming. Deuce is a bit dense. However, Deuce has this smile and spirit that screams: “Why give up? We got this!”

Given his attitude, a lot of the impact is evident. It can be minuscule in the grand scheme of things, a tad cheesy, but that is him. That is Deuce Spade, the former delinquent who would use magic to beat someone up only to redeem himself, later on, the good old handyman of his mom, and the best friend anyone could lean on to. 

Being pulled back to reality, Deuce nearly let out a cry. The inviting smiles (though Ace had a weird snarky grin), the expectant stares, and the delicious cake with candles shone on his face. It was a warm feeling, being welcomed with smiles.

Then, a pie shot at his face. Ace stood at the side while everyone gasped. Was Ace planning to be a brat today? Instead of being angry and ready to fight, Deuce laughed. He let out a big smile, it might be messy, but it showed something.

Deuce Spade is no longer the scary delinquent in someone’s eyes, and he is now just their friend. You smiled as you saw Deuce rolling his sleeves and also bound to make a mess. Riddle sighed, but the glimmer in his eyes showed that the mess was worth it. Fun was just about to start in the Heartslabyul dorm.