#can’t help myself sorry.
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Subconscious Reassurance.
✩࿐ summary: even the strongest has dreams he longs to be reality.
warning(s): slight 236 spoilers, shibuya incident spoilers, mentioned death, poor coping mechanisms, lovesick!gojo, girldad!gojo, as usual not proofread (it’s 2 am give me a break). wc; 3.6k
pairing(s): gojo satoru x reader
a/n: keep seeing tiktoks about the lamp story and this came to me. it’s a shortie but i just wanted to get this out. also do we prefer the colorless manga panels or the ones like the above one? i was messing with filters on picsart so lmk :)
divider 1 | previous work | ao3
SATORU ARRIVED HOME EXACTLY 7 PM.
He knew it was true because that’s the time he always arrived. There was no need to glance at the clock or question anyone around him. He knew it was 7PM.
The sun was peeking through the curtains and basking your shared home in a golden hue. Warmth enveloped his very being as he closed the front door behind him. There wasn’t a surface that wasn’t being touched by the sun, that wasn’t feeling the same feelings he did.
The sky outside was illuminated in a mixture of purples, reds, oranges, and pinks. A palate that could be implemented into his very soul and he’d smile in return.
“Daddy!”
The call was familiar and came exactly one minute after Satoru walked through the door.
Again, he didn’t need to glance, he just knew.
A smile blossomed on his lips and he crouched down to catch the little girl that jumped into his arms with a loud squeal. Her nose pressed into her cheek as she happily rambled about how much she missed him. A norm and a routine that he greeted happily with his own reassurances that he missed her infinitely more.
"Daddy," she whined, her tiny chubby fingers reaching up for his blindfold. "Can't see your eyes, daddy."
This happened every night after he arrived home. She would always frown and trace her nails over where his eyes would definitely be. Most of the time it was uncomfortable and, frankly, a little scary, but he always welcomed it with an overly dramatic gasp.
"Oh, sorry, daddy forgot!" He hooked his finger under the fabric and pulled it down to rest against his neck. Her eyes (which were his) met his and brightened considerably. "Is that better, Rie?"
Rie nodded enthusiastically. "Yes!"
Despite the aching behind his right eye, Satoru kept the blindfold off for Rie’s sake. She had always expressed her upmost displeasure for the item since she was a baby. Crying and crying until he finally pulled it off. It’d been a rough first few years trying to get used to pulling the thing off whenever he got home. But he’d grown accustomed to it.
“What’s mama up to?” Satoru asked softly, tracing his finger briefly over the bridge of Rie’s nose as she giggled.
The little girl swayed slightly in his arms. “Mama’s been working in the eating room—“ dining room, Satoru softly corrected with a smile, “—she put on on Yuki for me to watch while she worked.”
“Yuki, huh? Lucky you!” He playfully pinched her cheek which resulted in her swatting his hand with a resounding “daddy!” in protest. Satoru adjusted her on his hip and raised an eyebrow. “Should we go bother mommy?”
Like usual, Rie enthusiastically nodded in response.
Poor you.
True to his routine, he made his way from the front door towards the dining room, loudly. He left no room for you to not hear him coming him and gave you ample opportunity to prepare for his and Rie’s interruption on your precious work (he swore you were almost as bad as Nanam— …. as… as…).
The smile on his lips didn’t falter as his mind trailed away from the forgotten name. What was forgotten obviously wasn’t entirely important. He enthusiastically turned the corner, arm thrown out as Rie squealed happily as his rather jerky movements.
You were as you always were. Responsible. In your usual space occupying your rightful position.
Despite the loud (dramatic) entrance he made, you did not react in anyway. Your eyes were glued to your screen as you furiously typed away a response to whoever got on your bad side today. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight. In fact, this should’ve been around the time Gakuganji of Ya— someone of higher standing emailed you something that didn’t sit right with you. Even the appearance of your amazing and rambunctious husband didn’t seem to deter you from your mission.
Satoru pouted, huffing as he peacefully placed Rie down (the girl now more interested in the TV returning to her show), and crept closer to you. Still, you did not look away.
He leaned over, his chin hooked over his shoulder as he peeked over the words you were putting out into the world. Oddly, he couldn’t read any of the screen. He tried squinting your eyes and blinking a few times— nothing. It was more reminiscent of gibberish than any Japanese he knew. None of it seemed to stay in one place and it all smashed together to create a blob.
You knew how to read and write, he knew that much. Was it something with his eyes? He doubted it. But something wasn’t—
The laptop clicked close.
“You’ve never been one to take a hint, Satoru,” you turned your head to place a soft kiss against his temple in greeting. He could feel your tiny smile against his skin. The warmth of your lips. The coolness of your silvia left behind. His chest ached. He missed— missed? “Although, I knew that before I married you.”
He pushed away the mud in his mind and turned his head, placing a peck against your lips. Strawberries. You always had remnants of strawberries on your lips. Rie’s favorite fruit.
“I think it’s one of my many charming qualities.” He hummed.
You rolled your eyes, but placed a chaste kiss against his lips once again. “Charming is pushing it.” You patted his cheek. “It’s definitely an interesting characteristic.”
Satoru pouted. “You make it sound so unappealing.”
“Well, if the shoe fits…”
He snorted in response, standing to his full height and peeking at you from over his nose. “You know, you’re not innocent either. Thought you said the TV would rot her brain, now you’re putting it on to keep her distracted?” He spared a glance to where Rie was hanging off the couch, upside down, her eyes glued to the television.
You shot him an incredulous look. “Because she’s your daughter and has the self restraint of a puppy. I needed a hour to get some things done.” You pat the top of your laptop. “Sue me.”
Satoru smirked. “I just might for emotional damages.” He gestured towards the laptop with a vague hand. “What exactly had you typing up a storm?”
There was a brief wave of giddiness in his chest when he saw the look in your eyes darken. Passion. Anger. Protectiveness. There were so many things he loved about you. Adored you for. Made him sick to his stomach whenever he thought about it.
“Well, I got an email from —— about some work in Shibuya, but I told him I already checked it out and suffered for it. Well, guess what he said? ——— and ———— suffered too so I can’t complain much. Set me off a bit, had to give him a piece of my mind and remind him what happened.”
Satoru wasn’t sure if he was having a stroke or he was just too awestruck by your beauty; but he swore that your voice simply stopped whenever you spoke names. As if your voice box couldn’t get it out. But you carried on like it was nothing. Your lips had even formed around the words that so desperately wanted to be out there, but were never uttered. You didn’t look panicked or disturbed. If anything, you looked normal. Just sipping from your capri sun that was definitely forced on you by Rie.
It was like he was the only one not hearing it.
It vaguely concerned him, but he was also Gojo Satoru. Sometimes weird things happened that had no explanation.
“But,” you continued once you swallowed down the fruit punch liquid with a twisted face. “I suppose I can’t really blame anyone for what happened. It was Halloween, we were all caught off guard. Some of us suffered for it more than others.”
Satoru, for the life of him, couldn’t recall what happened on Halloween. But he should. He had that overwhelming feeling that he really, really should.
Either way, he gave a nonchalant shrug, “Eh, my motto is that it’s always easier to forgive and forget.” He snatched the remainder of your capri sun and gave a loud slurp.
You grin, resting your chin on your cupped fingers. “I suppose so.” You eyed him warmly, then nodded to the chair next to you. Always warm. Always welcoming. “Now, what did you get up to today?”
Satoru groaned, flopping onto the seat with a creak. He placed the capri sun down to place his hands against his face. “Two specials grades in Iwate, one grade one in Kagawa, then three nasty things leeching off on the playground on the way home.” He knew he should feel exhausted. He usually did. But that day, this day, he did not. If anything, he felt well rested.
Odd.
You hum softly. “They’re overworking you, Satoru,” your tone is barely there. Your words could be missed if the house had any movement or loud noises. But it was just you and him. The soft background noises of your daughter. Always you and him. “They should recognize that you’re just a man. One day it’ll be too much. One day you’ll snap in half.”
Satoru frowned, finding the sudden shift in tone a little unsettling. “I’m the strongest, no need to worry.” He waved a passive hand in the air between you.
“I’ll always worry. It’s been my job to worry.” Your eyes moved towards Rie almost melancholic. “She’ll worry too, you know. She does worry. More than she should at 10.”
Satoru frowned deeper. “Eh…?” He blinked slowly, eyes sliding to Rie with confusion. 10? Was he crazy? Blind? Since when was the little girl sitting on the couch 10? Last he checked, she was six. It was 2012. Were you losing it on him? Was this your subtle way of telling him you’re spiraling again? “Baby, she is not—“
“I know you worry too. Think you’ve been worried about losing since the moment you got home.”
Losing? He’s never lost. Well, except those few times. But they didn’t count. Those were intentional loses.
Satoru was beginning to feel as though you both were having two different conversations. “Y/N, I’m not following.” He stated softly, eyebrows furrowed.
“What do you have to do tomorrow, Satoru?” You breezed through as if you knew where that was going. A pensive expression on your face now.
Again, he frowned, narrowing his eyes. “Tomorrow? I…Well, I’m going to Shinjuku to… to…” To…what…? What was it he had to do? He could feel it deep in his chest. That ache. That unfamiliar emptiness that made him rub over his heart softly. There was something he was missing.
“Tomorrow’s going to be romantic,” You said wistfully, eyes distant as you sighed. “Well, it’s supposed to be.”
December 24th.
December 24th. So I don’t have to remember two different dates.
How romantic.
Satoru felt his gut churn. He wasn’t sure why. He couldn’t explain it but everything felt so tight now.
“I’m not.. I don’t…?”
Why couldn’t he get words out. Why did he stare at you like that? Unmoving, unblinking? Why did his eyes collect with tears.
Why did you look so sad?
You reached out, taking his hand. It’s cold. It feels cold. Not like the usual warmth that envelopes him whenever you held him. Whenever you reached out from him.
You’re cold.
You take his hand. “Satoru, what’s happening tomorrow?”
Seriously, what is with you?
Satoru clenched his jaw. “What are you doing?” He wasn’t sure why but he felt so unnerved. He felt like he’s been disillusioned. As if his world was crumbling. But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand.
You’re cold.
You looked briefly disappointed in his response. “You’re not well. You’re trying to appear to be, but you’re not. She worries. She’s so worried. And you know it.” Your hand reached out and cupped his cheek. Your cold thumb gently stroked against his bone, against the tears that were flowing— why was he crying?
“I’m fine. Just a little tired.” He didn’t feel tired. “I just need a nap.” He didn’t feel tired.
“Oh, Satoru, I’m so sorry,” you uttered it, barely audible. But it was enough to conjure up an earth shattering sob from his chest. A heartbroken tremble under your touch. “I’m so sorry for leaving you.”
“You’re right here?” Confusion was clear in his tone and his expression as he stared back at you.
You just smiled sadly in response.
He shook his head. “You’re right here.” He prided a finger against your chest. Firm. But cold.
You tilted your head and blinked slowly at him.
Satoru wasn’t sure why, but he took in as deep breath. Like he couldn’t quite catch it in the first place.
“You didn’t— You’re right here!” He desperately clutched onto your hand, pressing your skin against his own. “You’re right here. This-This is real. This-This is you. Please. Please, this is you.”
You only stared sadly in response.
Satoru wasn’t sure what was happening. Why he was so panicked or why he felt so terribly sad— but he knew it was making him quiver and sob. Why? Why? Why did this all have to happen to you? Of all people had you been the one to suffer?
What suffering?
“I…” He felt breathless. Feather light. He felt like he had no control of his lips or his tongue. “Tomorrow I fight… Sukuna…?”
Sukuna? Since when? When did—
“Since before Shibuya. Since before Itadori Yuji.” You answered his thoughts.
Itadori Yuji. Satoru thought that name sounded familiar. A blank face appeared in his mind, the back of a pink hair head facing him. Itadori Yuji.
He felt like he was living someone else’s life. As if he were placed in some point in space where nothing bad could touch it.
But these feelings, these tears, this ache in his chest wasn’t peaceful. It wasn’t safe from the darkness of the world.
“Nanami… Yaga… Nobara…” You uttered the names that made his ears ring. That made his muscles tense and his heart sputter to a catastrophic halt. “But still you dream of Suguru…. of me…. of the lives you desperately want to hold on to.”
Suguru… you…
Satoru’s lips quivered.
Suguru… you….
“Why?” You asked the million dollar question.
Breathless whispers against sweat slick skin. Endless touches of tense muscle. Hair hanging and tickling. Eyes sure and hardened with undoubted honesty.
Why? Satoru thought that question was dumb. Why would the earth dream to reach out for the moon and the sun?
He stared at you, big blue eyes glittering with shimmering tears. “I’m the strongest… I should’ve saved the ones I loved… I should’ve… I’m the strongest.”
To be whole. To be loved. To love.
You sigh softly. Sadly. “Satoru, you can’t save everyone.”
“But I could.”
“Obviously not.”
The words were final. Absolute. No doubt. And he supposed, a deep part of him knew, you were right.
But that other part of himself. The one that hated himself for what happened, for whatever happened, convinced him otherwise.
“You don’t—“
“Get it?” You raised an eyebrow at his blink. “I’m your subconscious. I’m your deepest, most personal thoughts. I get it.”
Satoru stared in return. “…huh?”
You pressed your lips together. “Satoru, you’re the strongest. But you don’t always have to be.” You whispered if. A nefarious secret between the both of you that couldn’t be touched. That couldn’t be shared outside of this setting. You scoot closer in your chair. You’re slotted between his legs. “There’ll come a time where you need to step back. To rest. And let those you’ve guided this far to do their jobs.”
Resting. Stepping back.
No one had ever spoken those words to him before. It was never a guarantee nor was it ever a possibility. He feared, even now, he couldn’t even dream about something like that.
Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru? Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?
Years later, Satoru didn’t know what to make of his words. But Suguru had always known him better, he supposed.
Distracted, he didn’t realize you had started to card your fingers through his hair, bringing his head against your shoulder. It was a blissful moment when he came to his senses. When he felt your fingers ghost his scalp. When he felt your lips brush against his temple.
“You should take a nap, you look tired.”
The moment the words left your lips, his eyes felt heavy and he felt exhausted. He hadn’t felt tired before. He would love to sleep. But…
“What about you?” He whispered, eyes unmoving from your face. He studied the bow of your lips. The softness and warmth of your eyes. The faint blush across your cheeks. The little wrinkles on your forehead. “If I close my eyes, you’ll be gone.”
“No,” you shook your head and placed your free hand against his rapidly beating heart. “I’ll be here.”
How cliche. He wanted to say. But he would take it. He’d take and savor any moment with you.
He took in a shuddering breath. “I love you.”
“I love you.” No hesitation. No doubt. How could this be a dream? Something of his own mind? He nuzzled into your neck with a small sigh. “Take care of her.”
Take care of her.
Take care of her.
Satoru woke with a soft gasp.
He was not happy or surprised to find the ceiling of his dark room instead of the dining room.
The clock next to his bed illuminated 2AM in angry red outline. He’d been asleep for approximately 4 hours. And dreamt of you. Again.
His jaw clenched as he tried to push down the tears that threatened to spill over. You, angelic, in your rightful place typing away. That’s what you should be doing.
Instead, you were one of the first to die in Shibuya.
It’d been you, then Nanami, then Nobara, then whoever else.
She got caught up with Noritoshi in the tunnels, that Death Womb Painting kid tried to explain to Satoru when everyone else had been too distraught and nervous to reveal it themselves. She didn’t suffer.
It didn’t bring him comfort. Satoru was pretty sure it was a lie, but it still brought him no comfort.
It gave him all the more reason to make Kenjaku suffer.
December 24th.
Today was the day.
Almost two months since your death. Christmas Eve.
Satoru was pretty sure he was about to do the same. Embrace death for the sake of others.
He could look around, tell all of them that he’d win, but there was that growing inkling that this was mounting up against him. That Sukuna— Megumi— knew exactly what to do to get one up on him. He feared the unknown. The possibility this was it.
What would you say?
“Dad?”
Satoru’s eyes dragged from the ceiling and to the spot next to him.
Now 10, Rie was older and less rambunctious. But he blamed that partly on your death and his sudden sealing.
She had clung to him since he returned. Tears streaming down her face as she hugged him, begged him to never go again— she thought she’d lost him just like mama. (It’d been six years since he heard her call you mama.) And she slept in his bed. Said she couldn’t sleep otherwise. She’d curl up against him and he’d run his hands through her hair as he hummed a long forgotten lullaby to guide her to sleep.
Shoko said she needed this. Him.
Satoru knew she needed you.
“Rie, did I wake you?” He asked sympathetically.
“No,” surprisingly, it sounded like the truth. “I’ve been up.”
He frowned, “Why?”
There was a prolonged pause between them. A thick layer of hesitation passed and Satoru tensed up. What could she possibly be up for?
When he heard the small sniffle, his heart ached.
He sat up and drew her into his arms, holding her close as he pressed kisses against her head. “Hey, hey, why are you crying?”
“I don’t want you to die!” Rie sobbed immediately. “I don’t want you to fight stupid Sukuna! I just want you to stay here with me— I can’t lose you too!”
I can’t lose you too.
Satoru pressed his lips together as tears sprung to his eyes. “Rie, I’m not going to die.” Such sure words for a man who was worried over his own mortality only moments ago. Who had to be reassured by his subconscious image of his dead wife that it’s okay to lose.
Rie shook her head frantically. “No! I heard Kusakabe say you will!” She sobbed, clutching onto his night shirt with a vice like hold.
Satoru silently cursed the man as he rubbed Rie’s back. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? What does Kusakabe know anyway, the schmuck?” His poor attempt at joking fell flat, Rie only continued to cry. With a heavy sigh, Satoru pulled back, holding her face in his hands. “What do I always say, hm? I’m the strongest. I’ll get one up on him.”
Rie stared up at him and Satoru was painfully aware of how young she was. “You promise?” She uttered.
Satoru hesitated.
If he were to promise and it didn’t actually work out, who was he? Would she resent him for the rest of her life? Would she try to forget him and spit on his memory? He’d been promised many things in life by people he looked up to and every single one had been broken. Resentment festered. Trust was broken.
What kind of father was he if he—
Take care of her. She worries.
Satoru tucked some of her hair— your hair— behind her ear. “I promise.” He whispered, pressing a tender kiss against her forehead. “I promise.”
Rie clutched onto him once again. “I love you.”
No hesitation.
“I love you too.”
The worries of Sukuna and Kenjaku could wait until morning. Satoru had to focus on her now.
Take care of her.
#✩࿐ t writes#♡ oneshot#gojo satoru#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen fic#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru angst#yeahhhh#another one where reader is dead#can’t help myself sorry.
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I have no idea why I decided to start drawing ii characters as birds but here we are. I hardly know birds at all!! so any relations to actual bird species is just coincidence lmao.
#inanimate insanity#ii#fan ii#fan#silver spoon ii#silver spoon#oj ii#oj#yin ii#yinyang#yin yang ii#sorry that is not marsh but yin. I can’t help myself#pickle ii#pickle#taco ii#taco#paper ii#paper#evil paper#nutas art
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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Help they’re making fun of us on twitter for caring about dnp sharing a bed guys did you know it’s so weird to think two men crammed into a tiny bed together for months on end who went to great theatric lengths to hide it and also exist in the context of all in which they live and came before them means they probably also fuck
“Wattpad ruined this generation” fuck offffff with the joylessness
“can’t two guys sleep together without people fujoshing out” DO YOU KNOW WHAT FANDOM YOURE IN??? WAKE UP.
#why is my twitter even showing me this I don’t follow any phan accounts and these aren’t even circulating widely#I know I’m being literally just as immature if not more so by posting this#sorry#really I am I can’t help myself#I failed my no spoilers rule in 24 hrs I cannot resist posting what I Want to Post#dan and phil#titspoilers#phandom
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#more sad/mad puppy solas expressions#solas#da4#dragon age#the veilguard#sorry everyone who follows me#he is what brought me to fandom#so I can’t help myself#dragon age: the veilguard#the last one reminds of inquisition#I’ll need to replay and remember why
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why is scanlan’s mansion in the fucking backrooms. what truman-show-esque fake minecraft sky is this shit
#help literally why does the moon look like that#it looks like they’re in an indoor water park i can’t get over this#USJ aaa magical mansion#i’m sorry. i’ve been rewatching mha i’ll see myself out#critical role#tlovm#tlovm spoilers#vox machina#the legend of vox machina#legend of vox machina#lovm#tlovm season 3#cr1#cr spoilers#scanlan shorthalt
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Absolutely no one: …
Me: OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! OLDER MEN F/OS!! ❤️💕💖💞💗
#matilda’s original content#i think we all know who this is really about.. magneto from the prequels…#sorry can’t help myself honestly might be experiencing brainrot for him#f/o meme#f/o memes#self ship meme#self ship memes#self shipping meme#self ship community#self shipping community#self ship positivity#self ship content#self shipping content#imagine your romantic f/o#imagine your platonic f/o#imagine your f/o#imagine your fictional other#romantic f/o imagines#romantic f/o imagine
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lesmand
X
#i’m sorry i have a disease i can’t help myself#armand/lestat#lesmand#armand#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire chronicles#vc
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Guys Cassian is really just out here as the hottest man in the ACOTAR series. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules, I just read them. That long hair falling in his face, and he’s just smirking?? Landing so hard his knees cracked? For free?? All for us?? Dropping jokes? Banter? Saying SWEETHEART??
Bless this man.
#I can’t help myself I’m sorry#this man#dang#Cassian#cassian acotar#acotar series#acosf#a court of silver flames#Nessian#bat boys#SJM
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Ohh I see now. Meursault happened so that Fyodor could delay things long enough for Bram to get his glorious legs back all so he could body-jack him and stand dramatically with two swords
Also because it would be anticlimactic as hell if he ended up becoming half a vampire. Imagine a timeline where he takes over just a little too early and he comes to being carted around on Aya’s back with the sword he needs still stuck in him. And he has no leggy…
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dudes omg it’s so fun seeing alastor genuinely happy and with his friends and it’s so fun seeing him genuinely distressed and we got BOTH in the span of two episodes and it was SO GOOD im. SHHEJRJK
#i’m sorry i can’t help myself hes so amazing#eps 7 and 8 were SO fucking good i can’t even#alastor hazbin#hellaverse#hazbin#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor#he was silly with mimzy#and he’s WAY sillier with rosie#seeing him injured makes my whump brain so happy#and seeing him break down is just. mnmmmmMFNFV.#yes yes a hundred times yes#thoughts of a crab
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are you guys sick of me always talking about gojo satoru be honest
#— ai rambles#do you ever go like *eye roll* will she ever stop *eye roll*#or are you like oh there she goes again the world will not end today ig#i’m sorry either way 😔 i try to hold back#it could’ve been worse#i can’t help myself 😔#i can’t force myself to talk about things i am not passionate about for the sake of others 😓
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#disco elysium#jean vicquemare#tw self harm#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#my besties my boyssss#it was a random way the photos lined up and the eyelines I drew them with but uh now they look like they wanna dp Kim and u know what#I also would so really this is one of those times oscar wild told us about where the:#portrait reflects the artist not the sitter#im sorry that I implied that Jean has a big dick but its just the truth and I can’t help myself#my art
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After office hours…
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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Do you have any silly headcanons about the main 5?
Sure! I can list off a few!
Kyle:
Is mildly allergic to grass. Not bad enough to have a big reaction, but he gets a little congested in the summer when someone has just mowed their lawn, and his skin gets more irritated than most if he sits in grass for too long.
Spends way too much time on Reddit white knighting and explaining in excruciating, condescending detail why, in fact, OP is in the wrong. You will see 69ingchipmunks as an active participant on r/AmITheAsshole and r/AmITheDevil.
Has absolutely punched a hole in a wall at some point in his life. It’s a rite of passage that every Kyle must go through, I don’t make the rules.
Stan:
Is one of those kids that just fucking hates bathing, for a long time. He never gets so bad that he totally reeks, but he’s always a little bit greasy.
Gets annoyed when people point out or make fun of his ‘butt chin’.
For sure keeps his socks on during sex. They’re those white, tube socks with the black line at the top, by the way. And every pair has at least one hole somewhere on them.
Kenny:
Still listens to music on a shitty iPod nano that one of the other boys gave to him after they got their first smartphones, even after he has his own (busted) smartphone, too.
Wears his Mysterion suit under his regular clothes regularly and for YEARS. You know, just in case.
Gets really wasted at a party in college and wakes up with a piercing in his dick. (This actually happened to a guy I knew yes it’s as funny as it sounds).
Cartman:
I’ve mentioned this before, but as a kid he definitely smells like cheese. Like, processed fake cheese. Cheez-Wiz cheese.
Also spends too much time on Reddit, but he’s on there making a million throw away accounts to post outlandish shit just to get a reaction. He finds it incredibly hilarious when Kyle comments on his shit posts. (Sometimes he is asking for genuine advice/validation, but he’d never admit that).
Clyde Frog stays on the bed during sex.
Butters:
Definitely wets the bed well into middle school. His bed stays strapped with the waterproof lining.
Fucking LOVES VeggiTales. Watched it all the time when he was little and will still put it on when he’s older as a nostalgic comfort show.
Gets really wasted, entirely on accident, at the same party as Kenny and wakes up with a single nipple piercing. Kenny’s the one who pierced him. He never takes it out.
#ask asteria#stupid headcanons#stan marsh#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick#eric cartman#butters stotch#I used up all of my day’s brainpower for these#sorry some of them are a little naughty#I just can’t help myself
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