#can’t even be disappointed in myself
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Went to a con and saw two Law and Luffy cosplayers absolutely throwing it back together when everybody started getting drunk.
My little lawlu heart went into cardiac arrest.
#im so normal#can’t even be disappointed in myself#totally played it cool#went as fem law and got catcalled at least 10 times#one piece#cosplay shenanigans#trafalgar law#monkey d luffy#lawlu#lulaw#this is my roman empire
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If I throw a bunch of hats in the ring surely one of them has to fit right
Featuring the three recolors of one design cause I like them all
#two of these designs are because I can’t get out of my head her being a windclan cat. I don’t know why but I can’t imagine her being-#-thunderclan even though she most likely will be#i like the idea of tortie / calico moonpaw but I hadn’t seen any harvest moon ones!! I wanted to make one myself#and just an orange moon one#the first one is what I think will be closest to her canon. that or the grey one of the recolor set#if she’s grey I’ll just change the first one to slightly greyer. or not idk#if I already convince myself she’s grey I’ll either not be disappointed or pleasantly surprised I don’t wanna hold out hope too much#her windclan looking designs came to me so easily I think they’re my faves but the harvest moon one is really cute too#just not fully pleased with my color choice I struggles with it#warrior cats#warriors#changing skies#moonpaw#design
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judy hale deserved so much better
#honestly what the fuck#i’m still really disappointed honesty#i can’t give myself days#i gave myself hours and i can’t get over how unhappy i was with the ending#to take the most deserving character and literally KILL HER#CAUSE FUCKING WHY?!#literally the wordt thing i can’t even deal with it#i waited two years for judy to die i fucking can’t#dead to me#dtm#judy hale#judy x jen#jen harding
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No way. No actual fucking way
#I can’t believe it. I can’t believe how much idiocy is ingrained in this country. I’m actually fucking sick.#If you’re a trump supporter please never ever interact with me.#I’m so disgusted with this country. never in my life have I felt so disappointed and ashamed#I’m so fucking sick. genuinely. what the fuck is wrong with this place#the fact that I have to continue living in a place so fundamentally hateful makes me want to tear off my own skin#I hate this country. I hate living here. I hate fearing for me and my families rights.#anyways. I’m sure my posting will slow down for a bit considering I’ve never felt this awful and unsafe in my entire life.#or maybe I’ll start posting excessively to distract myself from everything I don’t even know#to all my fellow trans people I love you all 🫶#and to all poc and women and minorities 🫶 let’s hope we can all stick together and get through this mess
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🌷
#‘If you don't want to answer’ anon#yeah it’s a bit to early to talk about it and knowing this fandom it probably will never be the right time either#i tend to agree with you because I’m that sort of person that stands up for others when I feel there is something wrong going on#i like to confront people and I like to make things very clear#knowing this about myself I always struggle when the others dont do the same#and yeah if you keep Louis out of the equation#as you said he suffered from it too but still took the chance to speak up#(even if his fans are nasty and mostly stupid and i tell that with any possible intention of sounding rude and pretentious)#so you know his words fell a but unheard because that rage and hate kept going#i tend to agree with you on that#but they don’t ever talk or take any position like ever#it’s frustrating because you can’t take actions and try your best to soothe such strong negative emotions#and the fact they didn’t and never do… yeah it’s disappointing but also not really?#cause i don’t expect them too yk?#i think that if they were aware of what was going on now they are now already guilty tripping#i hope they’re taking care now but also i hope this is some sort of wake up call#to stop such waves of criticism and anger towards someone unreasonably#and just show support and do whatever you can to protect humanity#with kindness and respect. not only with words you know
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Can I interest the Tumblr Homestuck community in some mermaid Karkat I did last month cuz I haven’t stopped thinking about this AU since
#Sharpie bath but make it high fantasy#God I wish this was as easy as a sharpie bath#Four hours of grey body paint#At hour 2 I started to question how I got here#By hour 3 I was just disappointed in myself#Anyways hear me out#Ocean-side rock-explorer Dave finding this guy and going ‘damn that’s the angriest fish I’ve ever seen’#‘I can’t even understand him but I think I just got absolutely cussed out in crab’#‘Guess I’m in love’#karkat vantas#homestuck#karkat cosplay#mermaidstuck#Mermaid karkat
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Dog I wish I could stop having dreams about my ex
#sorry this is the only place I can complain about it#I can’t tell irls#I’ve been regretting leaving him even though I SHOULDNT AT ALL cause he was an ass#but I just miss him man#I hate having dreams about him cause I wake up#and I realize I can’t even talk to him#cause I can’t hear him talk about his new life with his new s/o it makes me feel sick#but everytime it enters my mind anyway I want to throw up#just having a hard time today ig#worst part is I have to pretend to be okay about it and can’t even have a moment to myself bc my current bf would freak#like dog I do not control my dreams nor mind#just how could you not gaf about five years?#this is just sad#logical me is disappointed in myself lmao#kit’s playhouse
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My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but
#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO#but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done#and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad#who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀#or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least#my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit#everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal#house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that#people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse#and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day#after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭#he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do#anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like#their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it.#I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want#to disappoint her any more than I already have..#she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..
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Art challenge: color a characters hair without making the parts that should be in shadow / shaded / darker than the rest of the hair a lighter color instead.
Difficulty level: IMPOSSIBLE
#idk. when I started doing this. but once I started I never stopped. I can’t stop#I cannot shade hair normally I CANNOT make the behind the neck under ear area a darker color I CANT#I USED TO BE ABLE TO BUT NOW I CANT#even acknowledging it as a thing I do I still.. can’t#it’s always gotta be lighter#there is always some mysterious bounce light or spotlight shining upwards on the character or thru there hair iDK#there is no physical sense behind it I think I just saw other ppl do it thought it looked pretty and started doing it myself#and. I still think it looks pretty ! but also! I think it’s probably holding me back!#like surely there is a time and a place for this pretty thing and maybe that time isn’t ALWAYS#at myself… ghghg my refusal to think hard about lighting is one of the things I get disappointed about w my art a bit#like… I can sit there like. wow.. almost all my pictures have nebulous unclear lighting. maybe I should work on that#and then I do not ever work on that#I used to do lighting pretty well when I was younger but know a days I typically dont…#le sigh. it’s whatever tho#either I’ll eventually buckle down and get out of my comfort zone and try doing good clear lighting that makes sense#or I won’t! I’m not a professional artist me not being the best lighting doesn’t actually matter lol#pepper words#I mean. I think sometimes I have managed to color hair with the underside shaded recently. but it rlly is not the norm for my art#typically it mostly only happens if the character has a light base hair color. if they have a darker base hair color.#9 times out of 10 that shit is getting under lighting / nebulous highlights from nowhere lol
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes I’m heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I don’t understand why I’m not important and why I can’t change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah I’ve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but that’s down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I could’ve sworn I’m trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I can’t always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple ‘are you okay’ or ‘how are you’ or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think that’s too much but at least the other two#I don’t want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that they’re doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I don’t know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I could’ve died yk … and it’d still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something I’ve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when I’m ill but I can’t cope with it when I’m even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#don’t get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I don’t I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and that’s what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#that’s why I’d kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why I’m not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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I give up 😩😩
#I’m going back to my salamander fic#everything I’ve tried to write for tedmort today is shit and I’m very disappointed#Im not even mad about not having anything to post it’s just that something I love so much is just….gone#I love this ship…why tf can’t I even get myself to write a paragraph?#caboose personal
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sigh. should i do something that will ruin my chances at graduation or should i like. not do that
#i have a paper. that i can’t write. because i don’t have my laptop. but i will fail my class without writing it. but it’s due in#like 2 days. but i can’t write it without my laptop. but also i kinda dgaf if i fail if i can’t graduate i can just drop out and be#a disappointment and kill myself. but i could write it if i borrowed someone else’s laptop/pc. but then it would be different. and i don’t#like that. and i’d have to touch a new thing. i also don’t like that. and i don’t even care like i don’t careeeeee who cares like#who even cares? not me. but future me might care but i’m trying to decide if i love her enough for it. i think i might but i’m not sure#but i don’t want to have to use someone else’s computer and i don’t have access to my textbook and i’m tired and want to go to#bed but i can’t because situations. ugh. ughhhhhh.#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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#okok I did it I passed and it was fine really but I got a worse grade than the others in my group and its like#I did nothing all semester#and its pretty great that I got that good a grade at all for the fact that I literally did the whole semesters work yesterday#but I cant help being disappointed#because most of the groups work was done by me#and I wanted to say so many things and was so nervous I couldn't.#I knew every answer to the questions but couldn’t get them out#and its like#i get so angry sometimes because I can’t even take a shower and when I leave the house I just step over weeks worth of laundry#and nobod ever asks me how my day was because I have no people in my life that care and its just#its mad impressive I passed and I should be proud of myself but it just reminds me how much I dislike everything about my life#its not even a bad grade its barely that much worse than the others#but the others have parents and partners and support and I dont.#I swear the only emotion I feel these days is jealousy#🤣🤣🤣 everyone disregard that
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the way they’ve been setting up the ted lasso (series*) finale makes me believe i’ll dislike it…
i’m genuinely concerned this could turn into a himym for me, because i’ve never been able to think of himym the same way (and it’s been what? a decade since it ended?) and i love ted lasso so much more than i ever loved himym.
*i know there are theories that there’ll be spin-offs and the show/universe can continue without ted but… can it really? i’m not sure i want to watch a show without him even though i love and adore the other characters so much. he’s the heart of the show imo and i’d rather they end after 3 seasons after having told one story than to continue just because the show is popular
#like obviously i don’t want the show to end but i believe in ending on a high#also there are SO many loose threads still - how are they gonna solve them in a little over one hour? unless the finale is like a movie#but even then - there’s so much stuff to resolve#i’m worried i can’t lie 😔#felt the need to type this all out because i feel disappointed (maybe i’ll love the finale who knows but i need to prepare myself so i don’t#end up disappointed lol)#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#m*
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#do people even care that I can’t get myself to update#am I disappointing or does it not even matter.
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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