#i can’t give myself days
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judy hale deserved so much better
#honestly what the fuck#i’m still really disappointed honesty#i can’t give myself days#i gave myself hours and i can’t get over how unhappy i was with the ending#to take the most deserving character and literally KILL HER#CAUSE FUCKING WHY?!#literally the wordt thing i can’t even deal with it#i waited two years for judy to die i fucking can’t#dead to me#dtm#judy hale#judy x jen#jen harding
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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Just Shivana (I think I’m in love with her)
#my art#can’t force myself to put color on anything lately rip#shivana lavellan#dragon age inquisition#dragon age#dai#lavellan#dragon age fanart#the sylaise vallaslin is so#fucking hard to draw#I love it but why#why do I do these things to myself#I remember when I gave her this one and I was like#the full sylaise vallaslin is so cool but I don’t see it so often so I’ll give her this one#I was so innocent then#I know why now
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part 1 / part 2
Prince Andrew just wants to know how dangerous this stranger really is 👀
#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#aaron minyard#kevin day#royal au#comic#au#made myself laugh a tiny bit by imagining the last panel#Andrew’s face is giving ‘shut up Day can’t you see I’m trying to flirt’#which is dumb but I was tired#anyway I’m gonna stop being nervous and just post
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i don’t need to worry about my sins bc all dogs go to heaven, woof woof
#eff yaps#i have tried watching the movie like 3 times in the last 2 days but I can’t bc our family dog#is not doing so great now#he’s getting old and he’s a boxer so it’s DEVASTATING seeing his personality still so bouncy and puppy like and happy but his body#is giving out AGHJ FYCK NO NOW IM CRYING SCREEEEAM#ahhhh he’s my lil bud :( who’s been there for so much and comforted me SO MUCH#the best boy always#but ABOUT THOSE SINS#i am going to… dress as a nun and fuck myself with a crucif- im sorry ill stop bbye bye
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Sophie Shepard & Kaidan Alenko (ME2) 1/?
MIRA'S MORE CANON ME2 "The wrong place at the right time..." AKA: The aftermath of Stealing Memory. Mass Effect 2: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#kaidan alenko#shenko#fshenko#mass effect#mass effect 2#me2#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#morecanonmasseffect#otp: you're real enough for me#these are my favorite bisexuals on the citadel sir#if bioware won’t give me soph and kaidan content in me2? FUCK IT. i’ll do it myself :)#i’m not even kidding about more canon either :) there’s some cute little details i spent way too much time modding in lol#kaidan’s little moon earring he gets after soph dies#me now knowing how to add outfits to the closet so i can yoink the male hoodie mesh to kitbash the hoodie she steals from their apartment#literally right after she resurrects that she always wears around the normandy :)#special shout-out to tali and thane bc their romance scenes have some nice moments#i could rant about soph’s me2 canon for hours but the cerberus plotline is shit#so half of that gets tossed out and kaidan and ash end up back on the normandy when she stages a coup from cerberus :)#bioware canon sucks so i’m rewriting ME2 :) they get to smooch more :)#like this!!#kaidan shows up on kasumi’s loyalty mission to help out with the undercover aspect when he hears soph is in citadel space :)#so they take out hock together :) and i think that’s how they end up rekindling (even though they never really stopped) :)#one of these days i’ll get around to giving kaidan his full arm tattoo instead of just the shoulder one you can’t even see lmao#i am now very powerful since i remember how to mesh swap and i can control the closet :)#i fear i’m about to be obnoxious about gif’ing ME2 missions#i think kaidan ash soph and zaeed are about to be going places#SORRY FOR THE RANT :) enjoy your day 💙
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seeing all of these new ghoul fuckers come in and get into fo4 and stuff is bringing a tear to meemaws eye. even if the new ghouls look like mole rats and not technicolor corpses. passing the torch along. all these new kudos on fic that’re five, almost ten years old in some cases. :’) i’ve always loved fallout but never considered it would get crazy big compared or have the same staying power compared to a lot of other fandoms. welcome y’all.
#i think one of the aspects of why i still havent watched the new show#other than being insanely busy#is uh. well hand in hand w the busy i am giving birth in less than a month#(if he goes full term 40 weeks 38 is still full which is like. 14 days less. knock on wood)#and i dont want to accidentally make myself sad if i really enjoy he series and then can’t write for it 😭 bc im not fooling myself#im obviously going to be really fucking busy with raising a human being lmao#which is what i wanted ofc. still terrible timing on Todd Howard’s part not to have considered the birth of my child in all this#also can you imagine the post partum hormone dump baby blues#sobbing like. why did i have this baby. i cant write fanfiction. NJFSKDFNS
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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i will be totally honest with y’all i can’t see Hobie (ATSV) in a romantic relationship ever. like, i can’t see him seeing anybody ever as “the one” or even having multiple partners or anything. I can barely see him having friends outside of the ones he already has. I can somewhat see the “are we dating or are we not dating” thing being something he gets involved in, but not really. i think a lot of people either don’t know or just forget that he’s probably homeless and that his world is shit rn and that stuff he needs isn’t easy to come by 😭😭 and a lot of homeless people just don’t have time/energy for shit like romantic relationships and the stuff he’s doing canonically because they’re so focused on trying to survive. That’s why when I make posts about him casually flirting or whatever it’s never serious, it never goes anywhere, because honestly! Between music shows, trying to find your next meal, fighting the power, trying to find a shelter for the night, helping other homeless people and others in need as both a civilian and Spider-Man, dealing with dimensional threats, trying to find a place to get clean, i just don’t think Hobie has time to even consider it. Sure, maybe there are facilities in the HQ to make it easier, but after that stunt, i think he’d avoid using them as much as possible. do you see what i mean??
#like i know he isn’t confirmed homeless in the movie. but like#like. i know. i also don’t like to think about homelessness and how terrifying it is esp for black guys#but you gotta realize he does not have all these damn hair products. he probably doesn’t smell good either#and he probably doesn’t have good breath most days or good teeth at all#and his clothes are probably dirty more often than not#and he will not be fun. people are not fun when their basic human rights are stripped away and they’re treated like garbage for a majority+#of their life#like. i genuinely think people just don’t consider a lot of shit he doesn’t do or even get the chance to bc he’s homeless#and how you’re treated like a pest and as if you aren’t human and don’t deserve human decency/necessities#now don’t get me wrong. i love to imagine hobie having a reliable space at the commune! with karl and kamala and all them. but +#that doesn’t mean he has reliable food sources and it’s basically a middle class well stocked and cared for house#of course i can’t/won’t police you because i don’t give a shit about what others do regarding him but yknow. keep it in mind at least#don’t even get me started on the knowledge of fixing pipes and other broken shit. god i could go on forever lol#this post was about Hobie not dating anybody and it turned into this 10/10 to myself actually#hobie brown#spiderpunk#spider punk#m&m posts
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Wait i just saw your tags that your job is the "do list of tasks until complete then leave" type - what sort of job is it? Bc that sounds amazing tbh
I will say my job isn’t like this ALL the time…maybe like 50-60% of the time
I’m a “pottery operator” at a community art center—but essentially I’m the assistant to the main teacher. I also teach classes, but that’s only a few times a week. The rest of the time my boss gives me a check list of studio chores to do. She is often not there bc she owns her own gallery, so for example every Monday and Friday I spend the whole day just checking off tasks on a to-do list. Things like cleaning and organizing shelves and cupboards, loading kilns (which I LOVE to do, unironically), mix clay, prep clay and tools for lessons, etc etc… and then when I’m done, I can either “lesson plan” which is usually me looking at pintrist, writing a bit, or working on teacher samples to see how I would demo it (which is very fun to me) or I leave, because I get paid salary, so if the work is done I’m good
So basically it is literally the perfect job for me. The perfect mix of social interaction (and it’s usually with other artistic people), teaching (which I also love to do), and mentally and physically engaging but NOT back breaking menial tasks that I can just check off on a to-do list (and I usually listen to an audio book the whole time..)
So, like, a pretty niche kinda job I guess….but it’s seriously the perfect fit for me
#I also rlly like my boss. we vibe.#she’s older so she can’t do a lot of the physical studio chores anymore so I’m just like hey. give me a list and I’ll do it#so even when she is there I’m usually doin my thang by myself in the studio and she takes care of paper work stuff and emails#I teach classes too but it’s no where NEAR as much work at teaching at a public school. we have like 1 class a day (sometimes two)#like 2-3 times a week and we split that between us#like it is a GOOD gig . especially to me who is obsessed with all things ceramics and clay#it’s a good balance between menial tasks and teaching for me#public school was way too overwhelming for me#also this place gives me time to lesson plan ON THE CLOCK.. they actively say do not do work at home you don’t get paid for#they’re all about mental health and work-home balance#sorry this is probably way more info than u needed#but I’m still just geeked I even have this job. love it#also did I mention I get 45k a year for this on salary and good insurance and 401k#I make more than if I’d used my teaching license …
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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i hope y’all have a great day 🤗
#i am slowly coming out of my depressive episode and today i actually feel slightly okay#idk what my problem was the last few days but wow#it’s like i was just dissociated for multiple days at a time and now i’m present again#the mental fog is beginning to clear#i’m going to the animal shelter to visit some dogs and kitties#i know i’m going to want to adopt them all#but i can’t rn so i’m just going to give them love and pets and use it as therapy for myself lol
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Slovakia doodle from a month ish ago because I’ve fallen into a little art block
#actually a big art block#a big huge fat one and it’s affecting everything#a whole ass rut#my 1 and only (lack of) a talent is ruining everything and rn I think my life is gonna end this is it it’s over I can’t draw anymore#Ik it’ll go away I just feel like being dramatic#because I’m bored and this little rectangle screen thing is giving me eye strain because it’s all I’ve been looking at#I was soooo excited to have a few days off to be able to do stuff but after that skirt project…that was the only drawing I was able#to get out of myself#hetalia#art#my art#hws slovakia
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I hate when something sad happens and all I want is to go spend a week out in the country away from where I heard the bad news like somehow being away from home means the Bad Things can’t reach me. It’s literally just running away. I want to lay at the bottom of a moving river (not dead, not drowning, a secret third thing)
#venting and loathing#he had two days of being married. two.#I’m so tired and I keep getting these waves of anguish and anxiety and I can’t find music CHILL and SOOTHING enough everything is too FAST#my joints ache so much lately too. I feel dreadful.#sometimes I feel like I take my anguish and misery and out it and myself into a glass case. and then put that case in a public space.#isolated. but visible. I have such a hard time showing emotional pain around others (even and especially loved ones) that it just ends up#being like this. I’m leaving post it notes in the hallways of my blog.#in time I’ll find this post again maybe and I’ll cringe at my own vulnerable state and how I bled personal things all over my space.#my hip hurts so much. but I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.#I can’t give up today. because tomorrow might be the best day of my life.
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My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but
#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO#but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done#and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad#who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀#or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least#my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit#everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal#house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that#people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse#and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day#after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭#he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do#anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like#their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it.#I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want#to disappoint her any more than I already have..#she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..
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why are people so weirdly rude about people with very pale skin???
#you’re so pale! yes. i’ve noticed thank you.#so you like can’t tan at all? not even if you laid out in the sun all day? no. i think id develop skin cancer#you should probably start fake tanning! i see. you can’t just. accept that i have very light skin? i don’t do it on purpose you know#look how much darker i am than you! congratulations. unfortunately there’s no medal for making fun of someone’s skin colour#but when there is i’ll be sure to give it to you.#no im not sick. no i dont burn instantly if i step out in the sun. no i dont need to fake tan. if i want to i will but that’s for myself#not to please some weirdo who seems to have a problem with me being so pale
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