#can’t believe this show invented television

[noodlearg]

happy birthday young royals

[medusapelagia]

S - Soulmate

S is for Sage (@cranberrymoons) I swear I tried to write some fluff but I wasn't able to! I still have to learn from you! Thank you for your kindness💜

I hope you will enjoy your present 🎁!

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Eddie WT: needles, hospitals, car accident Words: 1145

Steve sighs for the umpteenth time, wondering why in the hell he should have been born as the only son of Richard and Margaret Harrington and being used as a test subject for their latest crazy idea.

Being the owner of a big pharmaceutical company they were always eager to show Steve what they had come up with, especially when their last invention was a machine that was able to predict who your soulmate was: all you had to do was give a tiny drop of blood to the machine and it would have found your perfect match.

No more apps or websites, no more awful first date! Find your soulmate now!

That is the spot that keeps going on the television in the waiting room, and now Steve is sitting in a waiting area, ready to be pinched and find his soulmate. Not that he was really looking forward to it, but his girlfriend just broke up with him and his mum was adamant that the machine would have found Steve's perfect match avoiding more suffering, and in the end, Steve has agreed to be a test subject.

“It will be ok.” his mother tells him while lifting the collar of his shirt.

They aren’t allowed to test the machine on a minor without the parents' approval so Steve is going to be the first minor tested “You don’t have to worry, the machine will find the perfect match for you, isn’t that what everyone wants?” his mother asks him, before gently pushing him toward a nice nurse and Steve suppresses the desire to ask her if she has taken the test and if his father is actually her soulmate or not. He probably is not, Steve already knows that since the first time that his father punched the door and his mother threw him a few plates.

"If your soulmate has ever been to a hospital, the machine can match their blood results with yours and give us a name." the nurse is saying to Steve while she helps him on the examination table.

"Mum says it only has data from the USA." Steve states monotone, while he tries to keep his mind focused and not worry about what would happen if his soulmate is from another country or even worse, dead.

The smile on the nurse's face falters a little "That's true, but I'm confident that a young boy like you will find the proper match in no time." she insists, pinching his finger and putting the data in the machine.

He thanks her and goes back to the waiting area where his parents are waiting for him and the three of them stare at the numbers on the screen looking at the countdown and waiting for the number one, followed by a name, but the machine doesn't stop at one.

It stops at zero.

No match.

This could mean that either Steve's soulmate has never been to a hospital, and that’s why there are no records to match, or that he is not from the USA, or… that he is not alive anymore.

It’s not bad, he doesn’t even know their name so he can’t mourn someone that he never knew, right?

"I'm sure that's a mistake, honey, you can retake the test when you want." his mum assures him.

He takes the test another three times, always with the same result: zero.

***

Steve’s parents have become even richer thanks to the technology of the soulmating machine; somehow people are willing to know who their true soulmate is and it doesn’t matter if some family broke after they get the result, they keep going to the center and being tasted again, and again, and again.

Steve doesn't believe in soulmates anymore, and when Dustin asks him if he should be tested to know if Suzy is his soulmate Steve firmly denies him access telling him that he is far too young and that it doesn’t matter the name of a stupid machine, what matter is how he feels and if he loves Suzy that’s more than enough.

Dustin doesn’t seem convinced but he doesn’t ask again to be tasted and Steve takes it as a win, at least until he receives a call from a crying Dustin.

“There was an accident.” the kid says between the tears “Eddie was driving, then a dog appeared from nowhere and Eddie tried to avoid it and we crashed.”

“Are you ok?” Steve asks worriedly, already taking his car keys and his jacket.

“The ambulance came and they brought us to the hospital. My mum is at work and I didn’t know who to call.”

“You did good Dustin, don’t worry I’m coming to get you.” Steve replies, trying to calm the kid.

“But Eddie…”

“He will be ok. I’m sure he will.”

“You haven’t seen him. He had blood all over his face…” Dustin continues while Steve gets in the car and continues to talk to the boy until he finally gets to the hospital; Dustin is still on his phone, talking to Steve who is just a few feet away, when he sees him he lets the phone drop and runs toward him, hugging him tight.

Steve holds him until the kid stops crying, and then they go to ask for some information from the staff.

“He has no health insurance.” someone tells him and Steve throws a platinum card with his name in big bold letters “Now he does.” he states and then comes back to Dustin. Steve doesn’t really like Eddie, he is a little bit jealous, to be honest, but he is Dustin’s friend and Steve’s family has so much money that paying for Eddie’s care is not a problem.

“Come with me.” he says to Dustin “I know for sure that the cafeteria has the best hot chocolate ever.”

The hot chocolate comforts Dustin enough that he finally falls asleep on Steve’s shoulder. The boy calls Claudia, telling her that they are at the hospital, that Dustin is fine, but that he has to wait to have news about their friend, and the woman gets to the hospital as fast as she can “Are you sure you want to stay here? We don’t know how long it will take to have any information.” Claudia asks Steve before waking up Dustin but Steve nods “Someone has to stay until his uncle arrives and Dustin already had a difficult day.”

The woman nods and after a few complaints, Dustin agrees to go back home, promising that he will be back in the morning.

Steve nods and finally goes to grab a coffee at the coffee machine; he has just pushed the button when his phone starts to vibrate and he tiredly takes a look at the notifications: it’s the soul-matching app.

He got a match.

His name is Eddie Munson.

[justforbooks]

Things you didn't know about board games

Many of us loving playing board games and people have been playing them for millennia. Here's some fun facts about this excellent pastime

1. We have been playing board games for millennia

Chess, checkers, backgammon and Go all have origins in the ancient world. King Tut was buried with multiple sets of an Egyptian game called senet. Hundreds of pieces of Greek pottery depict Ajax and Achilles hunched over a board in the midst of play. And the Ashanti people of Ghana are believed to have created a board game called wari, which you may know as the count-and-capture game mancala.

2. It wasn’t until the 19th century that board games began to be sold commercially

The first, The Mansion of Happiness, came out in England in 1800. The “mansion” was heaven, and players raced to get there. Decades later, an American named Milton Bradley reworked— and rebranded—it as The Checkered Game of Life.

3. Ludo has roots in ancient India, where it was called pachisi

Pachisi is from the Hindi word for “twenty-five,” the highest possible outcome of a single throw. But whereas Americans only tweaked the name to Parcheesi, the British decided to call it Ludo (‘lew-doh), Latin for “I play.” So when Englishman Anthony E Pratt developed his murder-mystery board game in 1943, he called it Cluedo, playing on Ludo. (In some countries, it’s called Clue.)

4. Around the world, the colourful cast of Cluedo can look quite different

Professor Plum was originally called Dr Orange in Spain. Mr Green goes by Chef Lettuce in Chile. Mrs Peacock is Mrs Purple in Brazil and Mrs Periwinkle in France, and in Switzerland, she’s Captain Blue, a man.

5. Board games occasionally inspire screenwriters

There’s the 1985 mystery Clue, the 2012 action movie Battleship and the 2023 fantasy film Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves.

6. At least one board game is being adapted into a television show

The game's creator was a famous French filmmaker , Albert Lamorisse, who wrote and directed the 1956 Oscar-winner The Red Balloon, also created a board game he called La Conquête du Monde (Conquest of the World).

Parker Brothers, an American toy and game manufacturer, introduced it to the US soon after, and renamed it Risk.

7. Another game inventor, Alfred Butts, called his game a couple of other names before Scrabble

Butts first called his creation Lexiko, then Criss Cross Words, before settling on Scrabble—a word that means “to hold on to something.” The hugely popular game has been translated into 29 languages and more than 150 million sets have been sold around the world.

8. Over a game of Scrabble, Canadians Chris Haney and Scott Abbott came up with the idea for their game, Trivial Pursuit

Its success launched a years-long legal battle with an American encyclopedist who claimed Haney took trivia from his books, something Haney readily admitted to doing. In the end, the courts decided you can’t steal trivia and dismissed the suit. During the 1980s, Trivial Pursuit outsold even Monopoly, racking up $800 million in sales in 1984 alone.

9. At the highest levels of play, it’s not all fake money

The winner of the World Chess Tournament takes home up to 60 per cent of the €2 million purse, with the runner-up receiving the smaller share. Even the Monopoly world champion takes home real cash: US$20,580, the amount that comes in a standard Monopoly game.

10. Arguably the wrong person is credited with the creation of Monopoly

The American who sold Monopoly to Parker Brothers in the 1930s, Charles Darrow, often receives the credit for creating the game. But it was another American, Elizabeth Magie, who, decades earlier, earned a patent for her invention, The Landlord’s Game.

Players purchased railroads, paid rent and occasionally ended up in jail. Ironically, Magie’s aim with the game was to show the evils of accumulating wealth by bankrupting others.

11. Monopoly was a polarising game in communist countries

Fidel Castro banned it in Cuba, and it was also banned in China for much of the 20th century. But an even more dramatic bit of board game history occurred during the Second World War. Since prisoners of war in Germany were allowed board games, American troops hid maps, compasses and real money inside Monopoly sets to help them escape.

12. The idea for the kids’ classic game Candy Land came from Eleanor Abbott, an American polio patient

In 1949, Abbott wanted to create something for children to play in quarantine. In fact, illness has served as game inspiration many times. In the British mobile-app-turned-board game known as Plague, players take on the role of deadly diseases trying to mutate and spread across the world. Conversely, in Pandemic, created by an American, players try to contain the spread of diseases and discover cures.

13. Thousands of new games are released each year and there's annual awards for the best

How can you tell which ones are worth buying? One reliable indicator is the Spiel des Jahres (“Game of the Year” in German), a prestigious award given each summer by a jury of (mostly German) game critics who volunteer to play and vote for the winning games. Previous award recipients include Settlers of Catan, Dominion and Ticket to Ride. 

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[adultswim2021]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force #99: “Larry Miller Hair System” | April 26th, 2010 - 12:00AM | S08E11

Carl receives a knock on his door from famous actor/comedian Larry Miller. You might remember him from various motion pictures directed by Christopher Guest (which he mentions in the episode), his various stand-up sets on late night television (also mentioned), or his appearance in the Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job episode entitled “Hair” (not mentioned; a black stain on his filmography). 

Larry is selling a hair system, of which he only has one. It’s a metal pompadour you graft to the scalp. Carl is lead to a van where he is treated to a video simulation of his life if he had hair. We see he’s a god-fearing, law-abiding family man who has a beautiful and pure-hearted wife and two children. He’s thoughtful, well-adjusted, and a sterling example of what you can achieve with a good attitude and a good work ethic.

Real life Carl is disgusted, and when Larry abandons him to go gambling (he is a degenerate gambler with a lot of debts, which is the reason he’s hawking this), real Carl starts talking to simulation Carl. It turns out they can speak to and hear one another! Carl goads simulation Carl into behaving more like IRL Carl, and forces him to lose his job and ditch his family. Simulation Carl is basically just having a psychotic break, believing IRL Carl to be the voice of god. After browbeating simulation Carl into shaving his scalp and pasting some of the hair to his upperlip, simulation Carl simply blows his own brains out. Carl, whose genuinely self-destructive nature has caused him to be numb to the existential implications of what he's done, shrugs it off, declaring that it was fun.

The episode ends with Carl having the hair system installed to his scalp, which is now infected. As he boasts about his new doo to the Aqua Teens (who only appear in this one scene), we cut out to a scene in which the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From The Future is playing this video to an army of robots, declaring that they are to be tasked with compromising Carl, who he believes is a robot. Hey, those robots look like the same robots robbing the bank from the Aqua Teen theme song! WOW! I am impressed!!

This one’s reasonably funny, and I’m happy to see Carl episodes on the show. I don’t know if I was laughing so much toward the beginning; Carl’s abrasive nature wasn’t really yielding too many laughs at first and sorta felt like a lot of the same. Luckily it eventually went somewhere. Say what you will about Carl, even when he’s not particularly funny, the writing rarely fucks him up as a character. The writing and performance always honors who he truly is. What a beautiful thing. 

Also, I am struggling to name another show or movie that has this exact concept going for it. Sure, cartoons break the fourth wall and argue with narrators or storytellers all the time. That’s an invention of the golden age of animation. But I can’t recall a movie or episodic piece of television that’s just about a guy fucking with a simulation version of himself for no good reason, and it happening in a sorta unexpected way. This was a really good concept and I wish the writing were a little better. If they wrote funnier jokes for this, this episode would be a bonafide classic. Not too bad, though. It came within spitting distance.

[fangerine]

sharing thoughts on the last of us ep. 2 (spoilers ahead):

if last week’s episode was about establishing the characters and heart of the show, last night’s episode was about establishing the��“game” mechanics of this world. and holy shit, were these mechanics just as brutal and inventive as the game, even with the changes made.

once again, this show is doing such a good job of taking what works in the game but wouldn’t work in this medium, and not just doing away with it but IMPROVING upon it. craig and neil are right: spores just wouldn’t work in this version of this world. from personal experience, i can also tell you that filming people in gas masks like that is kind of a pain. “bUt EvAnGeLiNe, WhAt AbOuT mAnDo???!!!”, you might say. and yeah, it’s not impossible to film people in masks, mando uses a helmet, not a clear gas mask that fogs up, and is much more uncomfortable than the mando helmet imo. it’s not about money and seeing actors faces (which is also money lol) as much as it’s about practicality and creating something realistic.

but let me tell you, craig, neil, and co. MAKE UP FOR IT. replacing spores (which is a great in-game mechanic, don’t get me wrong) with tendrils and this concept of the wood wide web is GENIUS, and TERRIFYING. in-game, spores work more as interesting locations because it’s much more plausible in a video game to have isolated locations like that. when you’re playing, you just rationalize that spores only exist in these dark, damp, places and can’t survive elsewhere. but when you’re dealing with live action television??? not so much, in my opinion.

what’s much more believable is that this infection is everywhere. it’s rooted in the ground. it makes you watch your step every second. at the beginning of the episode, i was intrigued as to why the camera was so focused on their feet, because the cameraman sure as hell wasn’t quentin tarantino. yeah, they’re walking but they’re gonna be walking the entire fucking show. that’s right, death stranding, the last of us walked so you could walk some more.

adding this aspect to the world is so much more scary than spores. the fact that you could wake up a hoard of infected m i l e s away because the tip of your foot slightly crunches a piece of the big ol’ cordycep pie. that was a bad joke, sorry.

but we must get to the elephant in the room: tess.

first off, can we get a moment of silence for a bad ass bitch???

...

okay, so i love that this show is taking the time and taking advantage of this medium to expand on her character. nothing about her time in the two episodes felt like filler. anna torv gave it her all knowing that this journey would not last long, and i love her for that. 

but i really want to talk about her death. we (people who played the game) all knew it was coming but i don’t think i expected it to be so utterly disturbing, which brings me to the tendrils.

they are literally the grossest fucking thing to ever grace my monitor screen, and i’ve pulled up the perverse family (fuck you, tiny meat gang and also, i am please begging you to not look it up...or do, i can’t tell you what to do). 

anyways, for tess’ last scene to be like THAT is really saying something. there’s something so haunting about how that clicker looked at her. how it slowly moved towards her, almost giving this “look” of recognition. this “look” of, “you’re one of us now.”. the “kiss” was a forceful invitation of sorts but tess, with every last inch of her humanity, denied that invitation by being the bad ass bitch she is, and blowing up the place.

poetic cinema, ya’ll. poetic. fucking. cinema. the world of tlou is characterized by the fact that humans are so willing to turn on each other. sarah wasn’t taken because she got infected. she got taken by the fear and selfishness of humanity. it’s a bleak picture but god, does naughty dog paint it with beautifully tragic strokes.

on the other side, though, we have the infected. although grotesque, horrific, and deathly, they are now operating under this hive mind. will they rip you to shreds? oh, definitely. but are they doing it together? absolutely. it just creates this really horrible but well-crafted idea that the enemy, is truly each other, and the infected are really just this scary obstacle. but maybe their togetherness will help humanity come together, once again, to create a more hopeful future.

[new-employeeamillion]

December 31

It’s the final day of the year, so how about some more double features? In 1995, we’ve got the Animaniacs singing about “the New Year Party Tonight” in a special short that would later be reworked into the Season 3 finale. Unfortunately, for as anal retentive as the old school Animaniacs fans were, the first half of this version is unavailable online. At least we can fully watch the other cartoon I’m highlighting today, Rocko and Heffer squabbling on national television.

I personally think the very last day of the millennium is a more exciting day for cartoons, at least on Nickelodeon. The Beavers are asked to recreate the universe in 1999, while Squidward time travels and accidentally invents jellyfishing. These were the big Y2K episodes they wanted to show off, but their sister episodes too were knocking it out of the park. I’d have to give it to SpongeBob though.

I can’t believe I kept to this OTD thing for an entire year across 2 platforms! I’m game to continue into next year to make up for shows I reviewed across 2022, but I’m a bit worn out so I’m going to stockpile a bunch of scheduled posts now. See you in a year!

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

314 of 2023

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there?

Probably you don’t know them in America, so. Wait, MTV lol.

Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place? Where?

On the couch in the living room.

Did anything tend to make you extremely happy today? What was it?

Not today, but last week. We were on vacation in Poland and I loved it.

Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house? What kind?

No, I haven’t.

Are you planning on going to the movies with anyone at all this weekend?

No, I don’t waste my time on movies. I can’t think of more boring way to spend free time.

What month is it? Would you consider this to be your favorite month?

May and no, June and July are my favourites.

Do you like any one of your friends in any other way than just a friend?

Yeah, my husband. Which is obvious lol.

Have you ever made your bf/gf choose between you and someone else?

No, it’s lame. We’re in the same friends circle anyway.

Do you remember when some of the Wal-Marts had McDonalds’ in them? Or not?

I’ve never been in any Walmart in my life, they don’t exist in Europe.

When was the last time you took a shower? Was that too long ago?

Just 5 minutes ago.

Do you know where the remote to the closest television is located or not?

It’s next to me on the table.

When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi?

Last week, in McDonald’s lol.

Do you know anyone who is on drugs? Are you personally on them?

Does prescription medication count?

Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about?

I have a genetic disorder.

Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not?

I look it up.

Who was the last person you talked to on an instant messaging service?

I don’t use such things.

What color are your curtains? Are you satisfied with this color?

We don’t have any curtains in our house.

Does your phone have texting? How many times a day do you text, estimate?

Doesn’t eveery phone ehave texting option as one of the basics? Anyway, I rarely text because I have more important things to do.

When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it?

Years ago.

Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before?

Yeah, but it was long ago.

Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore?

Who knows. Thankfully I’m not a teenager anymore.

Who would you consider to be your favorite American Idol on the show?

I’m not American, I don’t live in the US and I don’t give a fuck about your Idol.

What grade will you be in when your school starts back? When does it start?

I’m not in school.

Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better?

I don’t know if they lied or not.

Do you know anyone who constantly puts themselves down? Why?

Yup, me. It’s in my nature.

When was the last time you layed at night and looked at the stars?

Lmao the stars are not really visible from our window.

What would you consider the cheesiest pick up line ever invented?

All of them, so pathetic.

If you have an iTouch or iPhone, what would you consider your favorite App?

I have neither and I’m happy for that.

When was the last time you had a piece of cake? What was the occassion?

I don’t eat cake.

Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful?

Yeah, my first ex. I’ve never cared much.

Do you think some famous people just shouldn’t be famous at all? Who?

I don’t care, but anyone who spreads harmful (mis)information.

When was the last time you heard your favorite song on the radio if ever?

Never lol. My music is not radio-friendly.

Do you wish you had a different first name? What do you wish it could be?

No, I’m okay with my name.

Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them?

Quite a few pople. It was nice, but didn’t matter to me much.

Do you know someone who constantly tries to embarass you on all ocassions?

Yeah, my husband sometimes.

Do you know anyone who has dyed their hair a ridiculous neon color?

Yes, me and I don’t find it ridiculous at all.

What is your favorite kind of potato chip? Are they cheap to buy?

I don’t eat these.

Are you afraid to save your surveys cause you think people will read them?

No. I doubt any of my friends uses Tumblr anyway.

Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time?

Omg no, it’s fucking cheesy and I’m not into such things.

What is one part on your body that hurts at this moment, if anything?

My right wrist. Must have hit myself somewhere.

What was the last song you listened to? Did you enjoy this song?

Inside Out by Twisted Method. I like this song.

What is your heritage? Do you have a bunch of mixed heritages?

I do, but all within Europe. Belgian, Dutch, German, French.

When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise?

I don’t listen to things I don’t like.

How satisfied with life are you at this exact moment in time? Why is this?

Pretty content, going to bed soon.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi! I’ve been seeing a lot of your spn posts and I’ve kinda been getting sucked into the drama. I heard about spn a few years ago and considered getting into it, but now with how the last episode (I think it was the last episode?) played out, I’m not sure. What do you think? Even with everything going on, all the drama surrounding the last episode, is it worth getting invested it? Or am I just going to end up with my heart broken in the not-fun way?

i had to sit back and think about this for a while, because it's genuinely a difficult question to answer.

i don't regret the 8 years i've spent in this fandom, but it has caused me a great deal of pain. i've never had a fandom experience this amazing, but i've almost quit a few times from overwhelming frustration and anger.

after considering it, i'm going to say that i think this is the lynchpin: you need to watch a few episodes and see if you actually enjoy it. because while i rant and rave and cry about the greatest love story ever told, unfortunately TGLSET takes up precious little actual screentime. if you don't actually LIKE watching the show and enjoy its premise, it won't be worth it for you.

watch a few episodes of season one, see if it compels you. (lots of people want to skip to season four when cas enters, but honestly, if you find nothing about sam and dean enjoyable, you're not going to enjoy the show enough to watch it for cas.) if you watch those and say, "this is alright, i'm kind of interested, but does it get better?" then try watching the first three or four episodes of season five. if you don't like season five, you don't like supernatural.

it's important to understand that spn is a wild patchwork of content, changing enormously from beginning to end while also staying maddeningly the same. it's hilarious and it's terrifying, it's stupid and it's brilliant, it's beautiful and it's repulsive, it warms your heart and it makes you want to scream.

it's misogynistic, racist, and homophobic. it's also a wonderful story of found family, defying destiny, choosing free will, and love saving the world.

some of the episodes are so, so fucking stupid you can't believe they aired on television, while some rival any oscar-nominated film for the quality of their writing, directing, and acting. it's boring as shit but also the MOST show you'll ever watch. sometimes you wonder if the writers watch their own show, and yet miles of meta have been written about how a choice of wallpaper and the arrangement of a lamp reflects a character’s inner turmoil. they chase their tail by repeating the same lame plots over and over, and for their fifteenth season they came up with the freshest, most interesting and meta concept i've ever seen. there is a scooby doo episode.

they captured lightning in a bottle with castiel, and then spent twelve years wasting his potential. they created the most utterly breathtaking love story on television, mostly by accident, and then gaslit the fandom about its existence while simultaneously exploiting them. they wrote a story about two brothers that managed to touch millions of people's hearts, and then they poisoned themselves by refusing to ever allow the relationship to grow or change.

in their fourth- and third-to-last episodes, they reveal that an angel invented free will through the power of choosing to fall from grace because of the love he felt for the man that he rescued from hell. and then... something terrible happened at the network, whatever was originally planned was cut, and something shallow, empty, boring, flat, and pathetic was inserted as the finale.

in the end, the only peace and satisfaction we have is what we make for ourselves. in the end, we have to reclaim the story and finish it with our own hands. but in a way, that’s weirdly appropriate for a show that is, canonically, about ripping up the ending you’re given and writing your own.

i can’t tell you, or anyone else, if watching it is worth it, because that depends on how much you get out of it. you have to decide if you’re willing to watch it to see if you get enough out of it to continue watching it.

if you decide the answer is no, you’ll get no judgment from me. if it doesn’t float your boat, that’s fine, you’re welcome to still like the gay angel and reblog drawings of him kissing the pretty hunter. 

and if you do decide to the watch the whole thing, i’ll offer a couple pieces of advice. first, expect to be disappointed; that makes it a pleasant surprise when you’re not disappointed. and second, stop at 15x19. the second to last episode serves as a lackluster finale, but at least it’s not a finale that shits in your mouth while you weep tears of hate.

so uh... take that as you will, and good luck. ⛤

[thewritetofreespeech]

Hi could I have Buddhas reaction to a female reader who is basically a meme. I love your page, hope you are well. Thank you, take care.

Awww! Thank you so much! I appreciate the compliment ^_^

Heavily based on the American Gods concept of New Media; god/goddess of television, movies, and new social media.

He knew that the Older Gods didn’t like him, and he was ok with that.

To them, he wasn’t a ‘real’ God, since he was formerly human and in his infancy compared to the rest of them. He supposed it would be pretty annoying if some kid was constantly disrespecting, complaining, or thumbing his nose at him. Still, he didn’t care.

His faith in humanity, and the faith of his worshipers, was still strong. So he had just as much of a right to be here as anyone else. They could all just shove it.

The deity was walking down the hall of one of the vast public sanctuaries for the Gods with it’s newest addition, the Goddess of New Media. They just showed up one day, popped into existence like most of the Gods, wandering the halls on their phone. Being newer than him, they weren’t well liked either. But Buddha took a liking to that and they became fast friends.

Also their love of bunny shirts and lollipops helped a lot.

“Well, well. If it isn’t the happy couple.” Buddha looked up to see the hulking mass of Aphrodite’s golem chariot (and her hulking chest) approach. Her beautiful face quivering with a hint of distain. “Should you both even be here? This floor is restricted for superior gods like myself. Honestly. Human’s will worship anything.....” She bemoaned with a breathy sigh.

He was about to say something when, NM cut in and said, “I’m the goddess of the greatest invention known to man. And I take it you’re the goddess of big tits and loose women?” Both gods jaws dropped at the remark. Aphrodite in obvious shock. Buddha in amusement. NM put their phone down. “I exist because society worships at my ‘alter’ every second of every day. Nearly 8 billion people, regardless or race, creed, or religion, pay homage to me on their phones. Their laptops. Their TVs. And even when they’re not on their devices, they’re thinking about it. When was the last time anybody called your name, grandma? Unless they have some BS history assignment to do on your moldy old painting or a joke about how Phoebe Buffay voiced you in a 90′s cartoon almost no one remembers. Just like you!”

Flabbergasted, the Goddess didn’t even move when NM leaned in to snap a selfie and posted it, “#bossladies #respectyourelders. Ok bye!” Then literally skipped off.

Buddha waited a minute before he went after them. Eager to catch up and snicker about the look on her face. “Oh man! I can’t believe you said that!”

“Bitch had it coming....” NM replied. Sticking a new sucker in their mouth.

“They aren’t gonna like it....” Buddha sing-songed. Clearly looking for the fall out to come from her rocking the boat.

“Like I care. Who gives a shit what a bunch of old dusty book jackets think about me, or anything else? The world is changing. It doesn’t need Gods like that anymore.”

“My sentiments exactly.” He replied, popping his own new lollipop in his mouth.

The world was changing. They just didn’t know how much yet.

[bluewinnerangel]

Larry and their grandpa aesthetic: an impressive collection

POV: you’re having grandpa and grandad over for coffee

And with impressive I mean I unhinged. This became quite big. Here’s a collection of pictures, gifs, and videos that give off grandparent vibes, either with their clothes, pose, behavior, or all of the above, in the least serious way possible:

Grandpa/ma Harold Edward:

Granddaddy Louis William:

how do phones work

Open for full unhinge mode:

That time they went on that mediterranean cruise for the elderly:

(new addition thanks to new content:) wore matching gramp socks-in-slippers (thanks to @skepticalarrie​ for this comparison)

Had a nice daytrip walking around in Italy

DONT FALL

gave up on getting grandpa to quit smoking a long time ago (this WHOLE paparazzi shoot said GRANDPA RIGHTS)

When Louis William reunited with his friend Fabricio

And then they spotted his wife Francesca

Louis William and Francesca (I mean this stance is just one hell of a granddad)

Fabricio showed them where to find the good wines

Then they went back to the cruiseship

actually they just walked to the caddy, she can’t walk all the way

Grandma got a little bit confused when she dressed herself like this

grandpa pls just put the glass down (she got that elderly wobble while keepin’ them shoulders rigid, what a beauty)

also can someone help them up

I had this bit of text at the beginning of the post but moved it down as I was told people be lazy (I mean same) and skip things with text and I don’t want my dear lazies to miss out on this bigass meme... Still feel free to skip this, but I want to briefly point out that not only is this aesthetic hilarious, it’s also one of many devils in the details that might give away they’re not nearly as different nowadays as their public images make it seem (you know because they’re still together still going strong) as this is a pretty specific shared vibe. With that I don’t mean everything in this post, but what can be seen in some of the gifs: the stiff little movements that are just... not fitting someone in their late twenties. That aren’t a common thing to do. But that they both do. (you know how people that spend a lot of time together share mannerisms, this being one of them). They both got them moves like granny. That’s all.

Back to unhinged grandlarrie’ing:

whatever this move is, it’s 0% someone in their twenties and 100% retired..... really is he 80?

and that’ll make them 78, checks out.

with his cane

grandma imitating the youths

and granddad responding “YES EXACTLY THATS WHAT THEY DO” and then just keeps wheezing

somebody help grandma with the karaoke machine

Grandma’s hands (which, by the way, is also in Harry’s quarantine playlist)

(this is closer to toddler behavior but it’s so cute it got a pass:) William they bought one of those fancy chairs from television!

Oh yes they did haha silly chairs can’t believe what they invent these days

“back in the day this is how we danced 3 4 5 ”

that time grandpa got confused and took his garden chair out for a walk, then got tired in the middle of the street

grandma wants 2 croissants

Apparently trumpets were invented after his time

literally i had to make 3 gifs

it took him that long

He’s so happy once he figures it out tho but i digress

Grandma doing that one trick she thinks will entertain the youngest of the litter

Granddad in HIS chair telling those stories he’s already told

“Louis William cut it out right this second, you are annoying our visitors”

thinks harold will be the literal death of him

When you make the mistake of trying to show her memes I mean you know it’s in vain

and then she shows it to pops

grandma at soccer practice

mans rigid

grandma went out

careful you don’t pull a muscle with those hasty movements

when the elderly try to get up but their muscles kinda wobble like

no description just sassy grandpa

when we lost grandma in the hospital and found her on the wrong side of the isolation ward

“my hips just aren’t what they used to”

grandma can’t bend any lower or it’ll be permanent

granpops is never going to get out of that couch, should’ve put down one of those high chairs from the patio for him to sit on but he keeps leaving them in the middle of the street... (also this lil leg tap behavior, this man is ancient) 

grandma went out again

Pure elderly wisdom energy (GOLD)

That muscle rigidity that just comes with old age while talking about your career after retirement (JUST. GOLD.):

Face aside does this look like someone in their twenties to you

honey I think my neck is stuck         -             fook mine too

no thoughts just gramps

when grandpa tries to show he still has moves but the wrist locks

and grandma teases him

but then he got it out

just this

2 croissants

Some of granddad’s fav old pics of his love

grandpa face, back is a plank, stiff movements, at least pops got out of that low couch relatively easy

grandma when she realises the annual family photo in front of the christmas tree is about to happen

just this

Harold I know dancing in the kitchen is your thing but pls be careful the last time you were in the hospital for weeks

losing a bet with his buddy from college

when the kids are around again and you’ve fallen down but are trying not to scare them

these

you know the kind that steal food from buffets in napkins

and even try to take the plates

going to get the kids from school

wait actually got lost

realising he yet again got into a couch he’s not gonna be able to get out of

maybe not even try to caption this one

And the matching other half

this fking stiff mfing run PA PLEASE DONT WHAT IF YOU TRIP

in his chair again

judging his stories again

grandpa stretches 

2 croissants

This video in its entirety is just a grandpa bickering with his son and disagreeing with everything just because those god damn youths of today

and then your grandson makes fun of the shit you said and you try to be cool about it (while you have NO CLUE how in the world he got a picture of you as an avocado and how he was able to put it on a t-shirt) 

When you have a school history project and ask grandpa for an interview but immediately regret it once he starts talking because there’s just no way it’s going to keep your classmates’ attention:

This video of Grandpa Louis giving grandpa wisdom while pretending he isn’t stuck in that chair

It’s the ultimate grandpa video. Literally the entire interview he’s just like this:

And Harry’s Ultimate Grandpa Mode

Bonus: 1D era:

when you find out your kid still doesn’t let the grandkids eat candy I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DONT LET THEM HAVE IT ON A DAY LIKE THIS

this is just a grandma trying to be cool and dance with the kids

and grandpa’s into it

just grandpa coming for grandma

when grandma says something out of character to which granddad loses it and you’re scared his teeth are gonna pop out right into the salad (yes you’re the kid in the middle holding up your hand ready to catch it)

both of them remembering he’s still not getting out of that couch without any help

when your kid still doesn’t let their children have any candy

her legs just don't work like they used to before ( @sryluvidrc​​ you genius )

how do phones work

lost attempt at entertaining the younglings

rigid. rigid. rigid.

married and old

and old and married

really just really old

that one framed picture of them in all their childrens’ homes

JUST SO OLD

and proud after how they didnt fall and break their hips

oh god grandpa WATCH IT

a few drinks in, decided to risk their lives with this

I mean they were already rigid little old people right from the start

Anyway send love to the grandlarents <3

[petruchio]

i think the world needs your hsmtmts analysis

i was waiting until i watched this weeks episode to answer this ask and my current answer is that it’s a bad show with bad writing and insanely amazing and talented and appealing young people acting in the dumbest storylines a human being could ever think up. ok im being unfair. but let me talk about it i guess

season 1 was remarkably good young peoples television, the stories were tight, the actors were extremely appealing, it handled a lot of topics in a way that felt pretty well-thought out (for a disney show. like for example in s1 i thought rickys family situation was given the appropriate complexity and informed the story and the character in a believable way) also every single song in s1 slapped so hard it was insane. wondering is still in my top 50 songs of all time on spotify bc that song went SO hard. the main problem was that the narrative was concluded when ricky and nini got together. that was the driving force behind all of season 1. so they already had an uphill battle going on from there.

season 2 was one of the worst pieces of television ive ever suffered through. the stakes were all over the place, the ending was a complete garbage fire, and as olivia rodrigos star rose, it became a problem because she was kind of… the main character. she was the whole center of the show. the whole season just felt like everyone was running around with their heads on fire trying to figure out what to do now that everyone knew that her and joshua had dated and broken up and she’d released a smash hit of an album about it, and the only shining lights in that season were seblos and portwell, again mostly just bc the actors are so appealing. (and watching the villains of s1 get redeemed through liking each other… it was great. i loved it.)

season 3 just feels like it’s retreading ground that doesn’t need retreading? like oh now ej is an asshole again! for no reason except that he’s only acting that way because the writers don’t know what to do with him because he got too appealing last season and now we don’t have a villain! ricky is in love with gina again because we invented that lily girl and then everyone hated her so we wrote her out! nini is just… gone because olivia rodrigo is on the sour tour but we did have one random episode with the guy from modern family in it and we just haven’t addressed it since! like it’s better than s2 by a long shot but it still doesn’t feel like there’s any drive to the narrative, except the ricky/gina thing which, like i said, just feels like an unnecessary retread to me.

the only thing that’s not a retread this season is this sibling storyline that is BORING MY TEETH OUT because WHO CARES. why are we wasting so much screen time on siblings we don’t care about who we have no investment in? who cares about them? also have any of the writers ever had a sibling? sometimes they’re annoying! that’s the whole thing about siblings!! it’s not some unforgivable roadblock it’s just like. a normal part of being in a family. i cannot bring myself to care in the slightest about either of these characters.

i think another problem in s3 is that there’s no villain. like maybe corbin bleu is the villain? or the documentary is the villain? maybe they’re trying to make ej the villain again? even in s2 we had that lily girl. but this season there’s no real antagonist so it doesn’t feel like the story is going anywhere. so they’re doing a documentary. okay? why does it matter? why do they care? there needs to be some kind of stakes if it doesn’t work out. i mean last season the stakes changed episode to episode and the ultimate conclusion to them was “nvm<3” but at least they *tried* to have stakes? this season things are just like, happening.

also in s1 the musical was like, central to the story and this season it’s like. oh yeah we’re doing frozen btw but you can’t see any of it which is the same thing they did last season with batb and it’s annoying to me. because if they wanted to draw parallels (which it seems ? like they’re trying to do, but they’re lazy about it) they’d do what they did in s1 and do 1 original song and 1 musical song in each episode and tie the stories together. but instead they’re like. no <3

also i love kourtney. i feel like i never talk about her but i love her. ashlyn too. i wish they still had arcs that impacted the central narrative but i guess the problem is there IS no central narrative anymore. maybe that’s the whole problem — the show just feels unfocused. like what are they trying to say anymore? we’re just spinning our wheels. where are we GOING? why does it matter? what justifies this narrative? it feels like even the writers don’t know anymore.

ok that was more of a rant than an analysis but anyway the point is im ANNOYED and i feel like all these crazy talented kids are being wasted in these storylines and it bums me out because i loved s1 SO MUCH and i just feel like the show isn’t doing justice to it’s own characters.

i mean not to go here AGAIN but im going to do the glee comparison bc tbh it’s true. basically go read my glee s1 essay about why glee s1 is the only good season of THAT show and it’s basically the same thing. bc so often with these shows they have a good and coherent narrative purpose in the first season, and then in the subsequent seasons they just spin their wheels doing fanservice and having fun with the characters people latched onto, but they don’t actually write a good STORY. and that’s what’s missing from hsmtmts. it’s not good characters, or good acting, or good writing on a micro scale (we’ve had some bangers of lines this season!!) what’s missing is a good, justified, truly plot-driving story that keeps people hooked AND develops and explores all the characters at the same time

[bathsaltsmcgee]

Alastor and why he actually avoids tech, and especially mobile phones

Alastor’s dislike of modern technology probably stems from a reason deeper than just because it wasn't around when he was alive. While there is no denying that Alastor is, without a doubt, the fustiest of all grandpas, people are too accepting of the suggestion that his aversion to technology is merely because he doesn't know how it works and/or can’t figure it out. He’s already shown that he’s a sharp, shrewd man and if he wanted to, he could probably learn how to use it with little issue. Rather, his dislike of technology is likely due to where it came from and, more importantly, who is responsible for it.

As has been stated in previous interviews, Vox, the overlord in charge of numerous industries in Hell, including television, advertising, and an alliance with the adult film and social media firms , has large influence over most technological innovations in Hell. Unlike Alastor, he believes that innovation is the key to staying relevant in the modern market and thus prefers to keep his thumb in multiple pies in order to maintain his position. This predilection for gaining power and an edge at any opportunity may, in fact, cause trouble at 666 news when he finds out that Charlie, the princess of Hell, who was in a vulnerable position at the time and primed for manipulation, was spurned by the news anchors and allowed to slip out of his reach, but that’s not relevant to the point, so let’s get back to why Vox is so important in Alastor’s inherent aversion to modern technology.

Vox, as most fans of the show know, is obsessed with Alastor. The reason why hasn’t exactly been stated, but considering that he has been claimed to lust after Alastor too, one can cobble the answer together with very little effort. Moreover, he’s also been stated to stalk Alastor whenever given the chance, which has already been showcased in the comic ‘A Day in the Life of Alastor’ when Alastor stopped to look at a screen through a window and Vox showed up like a creepy Wizard of Oz knockoff so he could stare down at him like he was the last piece of cheesecake left on the dessert table.

Alastor might have brushed off the run-in and then waltzed off in a mood, but the encounter proved that all screens, no matter where they are, are under Vox’s immediate control. He can go through them whenever he wants and actively manifest himself through all of them, like the worst CCTV cop ever.

Basically, all screens are a portal for him to peer into anyone and everyone’s lives, and that’s where mobile phones come into the equation.

If it’s true that all screens are linked to Vox, he would be able to spy on anyone he wanted to through those phones, scanning photos, watching videos, listening to phone calls, reading texts, tracking their location via signal towers, and just being an all-around nosy, nibbing little pervert.

That’s probably the precise reason why Alastor refuses to get, or be anywhere near, a mobile phone. He knows what Vox is up to and he knows what he can do, so he’s trying to take steps to protect himself from being stalked so much, although he’s probably too proud to ever admit that he’s being harassed like this out loud.

Thus, the excuse that he just doesn’t see the appeal of modern day inventions then comes into being, when, in reality, he’s being seriously hassled on the daily.

Additionally, Vox is in league with Velvet, the overlord of social media. So, if, say, someone posted something that had Alastor’s picture on it as he happened to be walking by, or they caught him unawares, Vox would be able to know about it through a specifically designed creeper algorithm and therefore would be able to pinpoint Alastor’s actions, his location, all of it, even if he didn’t have a phone of his own.

Hence why he always ruins photos of himself that have been posted on social media via Voxtagram.

It’s not that he doesn’t like pictures of himself.

He’s just trying to throw Vox off his track.

So, it isn’t the technology itself that is the main issue here as much it is who’s watching from the other side of the screen.

Alastor’s response to this is understandable, though. 

Our devices already track and pay attention to every little thing we do. 

Imagine if they were sentient and thirsting after us, too.

[wordynerdygurl]

Hello Everyone! I've been conspiring with @sammy-jo1977 to create a new series of sorts. We want to explore all those characters that started us on our journey into Fandoms, large and small.

This series will be a place for those ladies and gents who haven't had a lot of attention recently, are old favorites or the ones you can't seem to shake. If you would like to contribute a chapter to this guide, please send me a message! We want to have a full and accurate guide, so we are hoping you'll hop in with your character of expertise!

As an example, I'm posting our first story... I'd love to get your thoughts! With Love - Your WordyNerdyGurl

In The Stacks - A Rupert Giles Story

Author’s Note:  This story is due, in large part, to my beta-bestie @sammy-jo1977 and it is part of the afore mentioned series.  This character might be off television, but his fiery spirit lives on!! As always, reblogs/ shares are encouraged as are comments and love!

Pairing:  Female Reader x Giles (Buffy The Vampire Slayer Series) Summary:  You get up to mischief with the librarian, in the stacks. Warnings:  SMUT ahead.  General Buffy knowledge might help, but is not required.  There’s a moment with a bit of blood, but hopefully nothing too triggering for anyone! I hope you enjoy!

“Mr. Giles?” “Just a moment!”  You heard the clipped British voice answer before being drowned out by the heavy thumping of falling books and the rustling sound of shifting papers hitting the floor. As you stepped further into the Sunnydale High library, you weren’t surprised to see the familiar faces of Buffy, Willow, Xander and Cordelia huddled around a small table.  The friends were practically inseparable and clearly close.  You found their kinship adorable and couldn’t help smiling at the group as you drew closer. “Hello to some of my best students!  And of course, to you Mr. Harris.  How is everyone today?”

Willow, stalwart student and overachiever, smiled broadly, “Pretty good.  I did ace my math quiz and got an A on my English paper… but, well, I only pulled a B on my Bio test and I just know that I could have done better.” Offering her friend a consoling pat to the shoulder, Buffy sighed, “It’s ok, Will.  You’ll get those cells next time!” “Tune in next week as Willow passes her AP Biology test with flying colors, on ‘As Sunnydale Turns’!” Before anyone could counter, Giles came around the corner carrying a sturdy stack of texts which he dropped onto the table as gently as the large load allowed, “As always, you four are the best assistants a librarian could ask for.” “Come on Giles!  You know I only hang out here for the beautiful ladies!” Pinching the bridge of his strong nose, Rupert Giles sighed, “I am well aware of where your interests lie, Xander.” “Please, he can hardly handle being with one beautiful girl.”  That was from Cordelia who pouted prettily, her hand mirror open as she fixed her hair. “My girlfriend, ladies and gentlemen!  Thanks for that, Cordy.” Snapping the case shut, staring down her beau, she smiled, “You’re welcome.” “Uh, Mr. Giles, if I may?”  You hated to interrupt but you had come in with a purpose and you meant to see it through. “Yes, of course, how can I help?” Shuffling your feet, a bit nervous now with the asking, you smiled shyly, “I asked at the local library but they were absolutely no help.  You see, I’m looking for a specific point of reference and I was led to believe that you could help me.” “Oh!  Is it something for our Inner Vision collage boards?  I love working on mine, only… It’s not my fault that I only see dark clouds and blood when I close my eyes.” “Well, Miss Summers, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  And the best art challenges us to see that beauty.” “I hate to tell you what I see when I close my eyes.”  Xander retorted. “Ah, Mr. Harris, your collage certainly showcases your, ahem, cultured world view.” “Hey!  The Simpsons are fine art, ok?  Just because they don’t live in a museum doesn’t mean they aren’t culture.” Giles, unable to stand by any longer griped, “Xander, I am almost positive that cartoons do not count as culture.” You started to answer but Buffy cut you short, adding, “Don’t mind Giles.  If it doesn’t come out of some dirty, dusty old book it can’t be culture.” “It’s pop culture!  The entertainment of my generation!” It was your turn to cut in, turning to the tweed clad gentleman, “Actually, Mr. Giles, Xander has a point.  Cartoons and animation in general are all increasingly seen as valid forms of art.  No matter what your tomes might tell you.” Smirking a little, he appraised your answer before replying, “Be that as it may, Mr. Harris, the amount of television you consume is corrosive.” Raising his hands in defense, Xander’s head swiveled between the two of you as Willow chimed in, “Give it up, Xander.  You know you’ll never win and besides, I’m pretty sure that animation and art are different.  Wait.  They are, aren’t they?” “When I was in Rome last summer, the very attractive, very Italian tour guide told us that they’ve found painted graffiti on the Coliseum.  It only goes to prove that times change but people don’t.” “Cordy’s right!  About the art, not the dishy Italian.  And they didn’t paint it, they carved it.”  Bouncing her blonde hair decisively, Buffy made her declaration.   “Wouldn’t paint be easier?  I mean, who wants to carry a chisel in order to deface a wall?” “Oh!  Oh!  I know this!  The kind of paint needed to last for centuries hadn’t been invented yet!”  Willow, lifting out of her seat in the excitement of academic excellence, was giddy. “Yes, Willow, that is correct.  In fact, a lot of the graffiti is simple and very crude.  Mostly of the phallus, if memory serves.  I’m sure I can find a documented case in Agrippa if you’ll all just-” And you watched as everyone rolled their eyes as Giles trailed off, lost now in the hunt for a specific volume which could be sited, should further proof be needed. “Ew.  Pass.” “I’m with Buffy here, Giles.  Keep your Grecian graffiti out of my brain.” “I’ll stick with the Simpsons, thank you very much.” “Yes, well.  It’s not Grecian at all, is it?  It’s Roman-” Smiling broadly, Buffy hopped off the table, “Giles is right.  The Greeks were more into orgies!” “Buffy!”  Willow’s shocked response made you cover a laugh with a fake cough. “-Of course, cites are rare.  Very difficult to find documentation.”  Giles, typically, hadn’t given up the search. Cutting through the chatter, louder than it ever needed to be, the period bell sounded. "Ugh.  Gym class for me.  Why is this even a thing?" "I don't know Buffy, I thought you liked showing off in your little shorts and beating the boys at basketball." "Cordy, that's enough.  And while us boys do love looking at you, Buff... we don't love the beatings you regularly deliver." "Well, I have a free period Giles!  Do you want me to stay and -" Snapping shut the leather book he was gripping, Giles caught your eye and turned to the peppy student, "Uh, no Willow, I don't think so.  I believe I need to see what our Art Department is in need of at the moment." With a shrug, Willow began packing up her belongings as Xander slung his back back over his shoulder, "Will, you can come with me.  I'm going to find a nice little corner, under a tree, and sleep away my study hall." “But, I… I could help find the Agrippa?  Or… some other old Roman book?” Xander wrapped an arm around Willow and took Cordelia’s open hand, “But why do that when nothing calls?” "Another fine example of your scholastic aptitude, Mr. Harris", was your parting shot at the foursome as they walked out the door. "Well. Mr. Giles, now that we’re alone… Could I talk you into helping me out?" “Of course, of course.”  Pushing his glasses further up his nose, fixing his light eyes on yours, “What are we looking for?” Sighing deeply, knowing the chances were slim, “I was hoping we would find some examples of Pre-Columbian deity carvings.” Pausing, his look serious, Giles peered at you, “Interesting.  Anything in particular?” “Yes, actually.”  Again you flushed, more than a little flustered at what you were really looking for, “I’m researching fertility icons.” Raising his eyebrows, Giles started, more than a little outside of his comfort zone, but you had to give him credit.  He recovered from the shock rather quickly, “Oh… I… I see.  Well yes, I’m sure we can find… something.  If you’ll follow me, please.” “I’m right behind you.”  Biting into your bottom lip, you smiled to yourself.  Right behind Mr. Giles?  What a place to be.  Giles led the young art teacher through the deepest stacks of the library, pausing once or twice to confirm that she was keeping up with him.  He was ashamed to admit that he had lost travelers a time or two as he stalked through his overstuffed shelves, knowing instinctively where to find the book he needed most. For her, watching the tweed covered bottom of Mr. Giles was no hardship.  True, he was older and tad bit reserved in the best British way, yet she had the sneaking suspicion that underneath all the wool and starched cotton was the heart of a wild man poet. "Uh... just a bit further, I'm afraid.  Books like this, well, I keep them at a greater remove." "It makes sense.  Don't want the kiddos getting a hold of anything too tantalizing." "Of course not.  As you well know, they don't need much help in the libidinous response department." You chuckled softly, nodding as the air around you grew stuffier, "Too true!  You should see what some of them turn in and call art.  It would make a blind man blush." And at the mention of blushing, you were shocked to see a rosy hue grow on Mr. Giles' cheeks.  You liked it.  It reminded you of the high color in a Vermeer painting.  You couldn’t help the flutter in your belly at the thought, "Mr. Giles, have you ever seen a South American fertility statue?" "I can't say that I have... have... have you?"  Something about the idea of you examining an ancient artifact directly connected to sexual congress made his body stir.  "Hmm... Oh, yes.  I was able to study in Mexico for a semester.  Some of the art work is just incredible and the carvings, they're truly magnificent.  Carefully made.  Usually stone or..." swallowing hard, your throat suddenly dry, "hard wood." Breaking fast at the implication in your words, Giles froze in place which caused you to press directly against his broad, vest covered back.  You had a second to register the soft scent of his aftershave; something spicy and masculine, which made your mouth water.  Moaning quietly, you offered a weak apology, “Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Giles.” Offering you his profile, the bookcases too cramped for him to turn around fully, you saw his sweet smile, “That’s… that’s quite alright.  In fact, we’re here.” Stepping out of the way, you pushed back against the opposite wall, the shelves digging into your spine in the confined space.  Giles bent over, giving you a great view of his backside, as he extracted a slim book from the bottommost ledge.  When he stood up, directly in front of you, the narrow, book covered alcove caused him to stumble. Giles’ chest collided with your own, forcing the air out of your lungs.  Instinctively, you lifted a leg, curling it over the swell of one trousered hip and lifting the hem of your knee length plaid kilt.  Nose to nose in a compromising position, you exhaled a shaky breath as Mr. Giles inhaled, “Close quarters around here.” Shifting under his deceptively hard figure, it was difficult to ignore all the places that were firm to the touch, especially when you could feel so much through the thin barrier of your cotton panties.  Bracing one arm on the obliging shelf biting into your shoulder, Giles pushed back a bit, lifting his weight off of you without making any other attempts to move away.  He was so close now.  Close enough to feel your fuzzy sweater and all the soft skin that trembled beneath it.  Close enough to see the pound of your pulse in your throat.  Close enough that when you licked over your bottom lip Giles could almost taste it too.  And why shouldn’t he?  “Giles?”  Your voice was whisper soft, fanning hotly over the face of your colleague. “Uh… yes?” “I’m stuck.” Blinking behind his thick lenses, it took the normally quick witted Brit a second to process your words, “You’re stuck?” Nodding slowly, your hair curling over your cheek, “My… My skirt.  It’s… uh, caught.  Caught on something behind me.” “Good heavens!  I’m so sorry, let me help you.”  Slowly, Giles lowered your bare leg to the floor, his hand lingering for a second longer than absolutely necessary.  He was still in your space.  Still incredibly close to you. You arched away from the bookcase in an attempt to free yourself with a groan that sounded heady in the stuffy stacks.  All you managed to do was force your sweater covered décolletage into Giles’ chest.  Stammering, a wave of sweat breaking over his brow, “Allow me?” The way your skirt was caught pulled the bright plaid lower on your waist than you would normally consider decent.  It meant that you had a fleshy strip of skin exposed along your tummy and Giles raised his eyebrows by means of asking permission to touch you.  “Yea, yes.  Please!” Tentatively, gently, you felt the strong fingers of Rupert Giles circle your waist and shivered at the unfamiliar familiarity of his touch.  Your chin rested on his shoulder as he worked and you couldn’t help sighing when he opened his hands and pulled you closer.  Under other circumstances you might have misunderstood the embrace but you were both professionals.  Not that you hadn’t considered the handsome book guardian a time or two before. “I… I think we’re almost there.  If you’ll just, maybe to the right?” “Um, sure.”  Following his directions you twisted in his arms, trying hard not to tear your outfit or rub against Giles.  All the close contact and talk of fertility gods had you feeling a little aroused and it wouldn’t do for your colleague to learn that fact. With a triumphant grunt, Giles set you free, only for gravity to kick back in.  The momentum created by your falling took the gentleman and the entire Grollier’s Gothic Almanac collection with you.  A cascade of papers, scrolls and dust rained down on you both. Coughing, aware that you were laying on something softer than the floor, you struggled into a sitting position, swatting away clouds of disintegrated pages, “Rupert?  Are you alright?” From beneath you a rumbling grumble that sounded like, “Yes quite… you?” was heard.  It was then that you realized exactly where you were.  Straddling your friendly neighborhood librarian, surrounded by debris, but safe, all the same. “Oh my!  I’m so-” “No, No.  Please, don’t apologize.  I’ve been meaning to reorganize this section and well, now it seems I’ve got no choice.” “You’ve got a bump.  Right here…”  Just over his right eye a small bruised egg, the color of lilacs, was starting to rise and you gingerly touched the swelling spot. “Then it will match the one on the back of my head perfectly.” “Poor Giles!  All of this injury in the name of research!” “No one ever tells you the dangers one might encounter in the library.” His dry British wit sent you both into giggles and suddenly nothing could be funnier than the moment you were in with Mr. Giles.  Looking up at you, his fingertip traced over your cheek, suddenly serious, “I’m not the only one with a war wound, it appears.” “Oh?”  Your hand covered his as you realized that you had a small cut, bleeding just a little, over the apple of your jaw.  Smoothing his thumb over your injury, Giles soothed you, saying, “Hush now, I think you’ll live.”  And you watched as Giles sucked the drop of scarlet from the pad there, his green eyes on yours, daring you.  Something about it was so… sinful.  So dark.  So alluring. Then his lips were on yours, suddenly and savagely.  Hands, firm and capable, slid under the fluff of your sweater along your spine as you tangled your own in his dark hair.  Giles, drawing you near, was satisfied only when you were splayed over him, writhing between the piles of text and stacks of piled paperbacks, as his tongue plundered your mouth. Trapped by his bent knees at your bottom, Giles helped center you over the firmness of his excitement, teasing you as you moaned, “Oh, oh Rupert!” “Call me Ripper.”  Before the word had left your throat, Giles was sloppily kissing over your neck, sucking lightly on the skin revealed by the v-neck of your top.  Sitting up quickly, you lifted the soft sweater over your head, tossing it away from you without concern.  Like one of the teenagers you might chastise, you then hugged your lover tight, gasping when you felt the nip of teeth over your bra.  “Giles… Uh, Ripper!  Please, go easy?”  With a hard grip on your upper thigh and one hand on the back of your neck, Giles held you still, smirking, “If you wanted easy you shouldn’t have come looking for fertility icons, my dear little art teacher.  And if this particular article of clothing-” He paused long enough to pinch at your hardening nipple before continuing, “-is dear to you, take it off.” Clenching your abdominals at his crass language, more turned on that you could remember, you reached behind you.  Unhooking the pretty scrap of lace and satin, you shyly covered yourself, biting into your bottom lip, “Fine… Ripper.  Should I be worried for my virtue?” “Absolutely.”  Without waiting for permission, Giles pulled your arms away, exposing your bare body to his blazing gaze, “You have nothing to hide, you know?  You are-” “Just shut up and kiss me, Ripper.”  And he did. Grinding your hips into his, it was impossible to ignore his hardening manhood, even through the fabric of his pressed trousers.  Giles cupped your bottom, under your skirt but over your panties, bouncing you in place as if he was already inside of you.  For your part, you tried to unbutton his pin striped shirt, but the force of his kisses was proving too distracting. “Oh, dear!  Poor thing been kissed senseless?”  He was teasing and cruel, but in the sexiest possible way. Red cheeked and huffing, you nodded, “Yes… let me touch you!” “Tsk… you didn’t say ‘please’.” “Please!  Please, Ripper!  Oh god, please let me!” Unseating you slightly, Giles leaned up on his elbows, cocking his head to one side as he took in the mess he had made of you, “Go ahead then.  Unzip my pants.” “What?” Removing his glasses, eyeing you darkly, “You heard me, I think.” Swallowing hard, your hands shaking with excitement, you reached for Giles’ belt.  Watching him, and only him, you slowly slide the leather from it’s buckle.  When you popped the button of his pants and let your hand drag over his hardened length, Rupert groaned and tossed his head back, “Yes.  Keep going.” Slowly, agonizingly so, you lowered the zipper as you were ordered to do, “What now, Ripper?” “Take me out.  I want you to feel what you do to me.” “I can do that.”  You played it cool, but the saucy words being said in that clipped British baritone did things to you.  They made your thighs tighten, your belly flutter and your breath catch.   Trailing a hand over Giles' barely exposed hip, you moved closer to the prize, your prize, as it pulsed with need.  Wrapping your hand around the meaty girth of Rupert's member, you couldn't help stroking the silky hot skin, so vital in your palm.  That it caused the man beneath you to moan your name only added fuel to the fire of your desire. Slick and sorely wanting, you licked your lips, ready to savor the flavor of your book stacking beau but he stopped you, saying, "Last chance to run back to the studio." "No way… Ripper."  And you felt a rough jerk as your panties were removed by force, the air cool on your overheated core.  Another kiss, full of needful things, distracted you as Giles parted your lower lips with his nimble fingers. Pumping into you, once, twice, just to ensure that you were ready, Rupert swiftly stretched your center.  With your small hand guiding his shaft, you lowered yourself onto the engorged tower of his power, crying out a ragged, "Oh God!" You thought you were capable of handling any man, but the delicious spread Giles' fine form forced you to endure was more than you expected.  Clutching at his bunched up sweater vest, your back arched tautly as Rupert dragged your hips down onto his unrelenting hardness over and over.   In your head, a rhythmic, tribal tattoo that made you think of ancient fires and curved statues took hold and you rose and fell against Giles on the beats vibrating through your brain.  He sensed it too, alternating his stroke, slowing down and speeding up in time with the thrumming pulse only the pair of you could hear.  "I want you to cum for me.  Do you understand?  Tell me you understand." "Yes!  Yes!  I'm so close, Ripper!  So close!" "Good.  That's very good."  Tingling now, your muscles tensed, ready for the release Rupert would provide.  You flung yourself onto his swollen sex without thought or reason, merely searching for the pleasure he had promised.  His thumb, so thick, so clever, pressed against your sensitive clit and your world imploded. Rupert felt it.  The moment your body and his melded together was forceful.  It tore his pleasure from his loins in grunting gasps as he experienced your ecstacy at his hands. Limp and listless, you draped your half nude body over his, dazed and drained.  Who knew screwing the librarian would feel this good?  In your post coital haze you started to laugh.  Giles, his hands roaming over the sweat soaked skin of your back, heard your chuckles and joined in.  It was another release, of sorts, and you found it almost as intimate as the act you had just committed. Folding your hands under your chin, flashing Rupert a wide smile, "Ripper, huh?" Sliding his glasses back into place and carding a hand through his hair, Giles grinned, "Oh, uh… yes.  Ripper.  My nickname in London." Toying with the collar of his shirt, "I'd love to hear about London sometime… Ripper." At the sound of that name in your voice, Rupert flexed inside of you, "Call me that again and you'll miss last period." Gasping against him, nodding weakly, "Hmm… promise?" That made him smile broadly as he handed you back your sweater, "We can't have a repeat of last week, can we?" "It wasn’t my fault you didn't hear the bell ring, Mr. Giles!" Sitting up, you fastened your bra and shrugged into your sweater before asking, "Did you have to destroy my undies?" "I'm afraid I did.  Although I told you to remove anything dear, didn't I?" "What am I gonna do for the next hour, Giles?" Pushing his glasses up, "I would advise you not to bend over." Swatting at him playfully, you used one of the sturdier shelves to stand, adjusting your skirt and fluffing your hair.  Looking around at the absolute mess created by falling books, embarrassed, you asked, "Can I help clean this up?" "No, I don't think that'll be necessary.  After all, Willow will be in-" "Along with Buffy and Xander and Cordelia.  Got it." Standing himself, Giles chuckled as he fastened his trousers and set himself to rights, "Precisely.  Now-" he bent over to retrieve a slim volume, "- The book you asked about.  Fertility iconography in Meso-American subcultures." "Thanks.  Ya know, I always enjoy coming to the library.  I'm surprised more people don't." Walking with you, his hand on your lower back, nuzzling into your neck, "I enjoy you cumming in the library." It was on the tip of your tongue to say something fresh when the overly loud bell clanged.  Lifting up on tiptoes you pressed a kiss to the goose egg over Giles' eye, saying, "I hope that makes it feel better!" Snagging you into a tight hug, Giles stared into your eyes before kissing you deeply, "That.  That makes it feel better." And then the library door swung wide on the four students who called the library a second home, "Um… are my eyes deceiving me or is Giles sporting a black eye?  I was only gone for an hour, big guy, what happened?" "If you must know, Xander, a shelf collapsed in the back.  We were fortunate enough not to be badly hurt but, there were some bumps and bruises." "A shelf!  Oh no… which one?!" Giles turned to Willow solemnly, "I'm afraid all the Grollier’s… and most of Crentist." "On it.  Come on Xander.  You can help me sort!" "Aw, gee.  That sounds like fun." As the pair trotted off, you turned to Giles, whispering low, "Dinner?  My place?  You can tell me about London, your childhood and why you love tweed." Eyeing Buffy, who was distracted and a distraught, Giles answered, "Tonight?  Um…" "He'd love to!  Say 9 o'clock?  And, he'll bring the wine."

Spinning on your heel, surprised that Buffy was your champion, you grinned, "Great!  Awesome!  I will see you then."

As you left you heard the bubbly blonde doling out instructions, "No Giles.  You can't wear that outfit to dinner!  You need to look nice.  Nicer than you do now.  Also, why is there so much dust in your hair?" If Giles answered you didn’t hear it over your big yawn.  You had a lot to do between now and 9 o’clock.  Rupert Giles was coming over for dinner and you could hardly wait.

------ Fin ------- I’m tagging my minxes, even though this is specifically NOT a Loki story.  I do want you guys to send me stories that might fall under the “Hot Characters” banner though!   Minxes:   @scrumptious-finicky-illusion​ @iamverity​ @mizfit2​ @sammy-jo1977​ @wolfsmom1​ @jessiejunebug​ @iluvsumbucky​ @unadulteratedwizardlove @procrastinatinglikeabitch @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​​ @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​​ @jenjen8675309​​ @that-one-person​​ @roguewraith​​ @toomanystoriessolittletime​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​

[thelonesomequeen]

It’s kind of wild. 46 nominations over the years and not 1 win! 🦎 //

I truly believe that Rhea Seehorn should have gotten the win for Supporting Actress in Drama. But the Television Academy is obsessed with Julia Garner for some reason. They keep giving her that award even though most of her fellow nominees were better than her, imo. They even gave her an undeserved nomination in the lead actress (limited series) category for Inventing Anna, which was trash.

I haven’t watched either show, so I can’t share my opinion here, but I have heard others say similar things 🦎

[aftertheskyy]

Merlin Throughout the 20th Century

for @gayfirebender!! happy holidays luv!! Just imagine Merlin living his best life through the 20th century while he waits for Arthur. I think at some point he’d travel the world and explore life beyond the shores of Avalon. 

1900s:

Merlin wears a jacket with coattails

I realize they were made in the 1890sh era but he also owns a penny farthing bike

As photographs become more popularized, Merlin becomes worried about being caught and seen repeatedly as more time passes

But he learns to love them and owns like 10 cameras by the end of the decade

He also befriends the Wright brothers at some point in time

And becomes obsessed with the Sherlock Holmes novels

I’d also love to imagine Merlin wandering through any modern city

1910s:

Merlin is totally aboard the Titanic, you can’t change my mind

When World War I breaks out, I can’t imagine Merlin doing anything else except being a medic for those four years

And Merlin develops a love for Irving Berlin

And silent films. Merlin loves films.

He travels all around the world right? So he’s totally part of the women��s suffrage movements

Also imagine Merlin wearing a newsboy hat because yes

1920s:

Merlin wearing oxfords (those black and white ones)

Upon seeing one of the first sound films, Merlin almost loses it. That’s how happy he is

Merlin watching Steamboat Willie

I think Winnie the Pooh was published around here; Merlin loves those stories

And the Great Gatsby

AND FLAPPERS OKAY

Merlin works as a bartender during this time-- I can’t imagine him in the 20s doing anything else

And he’s really good at the Charleston

Also Merlin enjoying Harry Houdini’s work and considering approaching him regarding magic. After thinking it over many times, he decides not to

Loving Lon Chaney’s Phantom of the Opera

1930s-40s:

Chocolate chip cookies were invented here-- Merlin eats at least 5 a day

When Snow White is released, he starts a Disney phase

And I think he would really enjoy Hollywood-- his favorite movie is Gone With the Wind

And he helps with the construction of the Empire State Building

When the Second World War breaks out, Merlin enlists in the army again as a medic

The whole time he’s hoping it’s time for Arthur to come back. He can’t imagine a greater time of need

1950s:

Merlin peaks in the 50s, that’s all I have to say

With the war over, he begins to wear bright colors and sport coats

Merlin becoming fascinated by space travel

He loves Elvis and Frank Sinatra and Chuck Berry-- music is a huge component of his life

He joins a barbershop quartet

He buys his first television here and enjoys I Love Lucy and The Roadrunner Show

He attends the Olympics in Australia

Film-wise, he loves Singing in the Rain and Gene Kelly

And he loves loves loves Abbott and Costello

And does a killer Humphrey Bogart impression

Merlin loves jukeboxes and milkshakes, too

He tries growing sideburns-- a friend quickly implores him to stop

1960s-70s:

Merlin is a consistent viewer of Gilligan’s Island, Looney Tunes, the Carol Burnett Show, etc

He loves tie dye and flowers and is thoroughly stoned for about a week

PRIDE MOVEMENTS YOU BETTER BELIEVE MERLIN WAS THERE

The whole time he thinks of Arthur, wishing he could be there

AND WOMENS RIGHTS AND CIVIL RIGHTS YOU KNOW HE’S PARTICIPATING

He keeps up to date with space exploration and hosts a bunch of people over for the moon landing

He’s jumping up and down with excitement the entire day

Merlin loving the Beatles and the Temptations

He goes back and forth between light pop music and heavy metal. Everyone’s very confused but he loves all of it

Reading the Peanuts comics daily

He goes to Woodstock with a friend group and is so hyper the whole time

Merlin loving Mary Poppins and in awe of Julie Andrews

He’s an avid fan of the Bee Gees, much to his friends annoyance

He buys stock in Apple (yes he does)

His favorite movies include Star Wars, Grease, and any James Bond film

1980s-90s:

All I can say is neon

He tries to grow a mullet. It doesn’t work.

He’s an avid viewer of MTV

Loves Bon Jovi and David Bowie.

Like

Obsessed with David Bowie

His new favorite movies are ET, Indiana Jones, and The Breakfast Club

And he’s obsessed with arcade games and everything-- Pac Man, Centipede, Galaga...

It’s very rare that you would see Merlin in the 80s without Ray Bans

And he’s in a Rubik’s cube club, among the first people to create algorithms and stuff to solve them

He brings a boom box to Avalon one day, just like John Cusack in Say Anything

In the 90s, nothing much changes except he has a new love for Britney Spears

He finally buys a computer and ends up sitting at it all day

And soon he becomes a technology whiz

He loves the electronic age

And of course, Merlin jumping on the Y2K trend, wondering if that’ll be the year Arthur returns

[the-bau-quinjet]

I watched it begin again

Chapter 4 of In Breakable Heaven!

Summary: Reader runs into Spencer again a few weeks later!

Warnings: none

Word Count: ~1800

It was a few weeks later before you ran into Spencer again, literally. You stopped at the grocery store on your way home to pick up some snacks for the binge-watching you were planning for your evening. As you placed the third dessert item in your cart, you turned the corner and ran straight into something- no, someone. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You exclaimed as you reached for the popcorn you had knocked out of his hands. “Let me get that for you.” As you stood back up, something about the scuff marks on this man’s converse reminded you of someone.

“Hi Y/N.” You finally manage to compose yourself and hand him the popcorn before stuttering out a greeting in return. Spencer glances at your cart before asking, “planning a party?”

  “What? Oh! No, I just had a kind of long day and I wanted to go home and hide from the world while indulging in some sugary treats.” A blush creeps onto your cheeks as you realize you just admitted the multitude of foods in your cart are in fact all for you. “I couldn’t decide what to get, so I figured a little bit of everything would solve the problem.” You laughed awkwardly as you try to explain your cart. It looks as though a three year old had free rein.

  “Trust me, I understand.” Spencer laughed with you. “I always have something sweet nearby. I am definitely known to have a sweet tooth.”

  “Oh, well would you care to join me?” You instantly froze when you realized what you said. You aren’t normally so forward. “I could use a friend.” You add on in hopes of diffusing the growing tension.

  “Um, yeah I’ll, uh, I’ll join you.” Spencer is rubbing the back of his neck as you begin walking through the store.

  “Great! You can pick the ice cream flavor!” You turned and started walking before you could come up with something even more awkward to say.

  You pick out a few more sweet treats before paying for your groceries and heading to your car. Spencer says he will meet you at your place after he helps you load the groceries into the trunk.

15 minutes later, you’ve returned home and put the groceries that need to be kept cold away. You move everything else to the coffee table so you and Spencer can reach whatever you want easily.

  You are reaching up to get some bowls for the ice cream when you hear a knock on your door. You glance through the peephole just to make sure it is Spencer before swinging the door open with a grin. “Welcome to the sweetest apartment in the building!” The two of you laugh as you close and lock the door.

  “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” You aren’t sure what to say now that he’s actually in your apartment. You don’t have the same barriers you had last time. You are both perfectly sober and neither one of you just went through a massive breakup. “Yeah, sure”

  “Got any preference?” You ask as you look through the available movies on Netflix and Hulu. “Oh, uh, no you can pick.” Great, you hate making decisions.

  After a slightly awkward few minutes filled with overanalyzing your movie choices, you finally decide on Mr. and Mrs. Smith because it had a bit of a comedy, action, and romance. “Well, dig in!” You don’t know how else to start the conversation as you rip open a zebra cake, offering Spencer the second one in the bag. He smiles at you as he takes it, easing the tension in the room.

  You fall into a comfortable silence as you both watch the movie. You find yourself sneaking glances at Spencer whenever you really want to see his reaction to a certain scene. You can’t really tell if he’s enjoying it, but he has laughed a few times.

  A half hour into the movie, you decide you want some ice cream. “I’m going to go change and grab some ice cream. Want any?”

  “Oh, yes please” Spencer sounds slightly surprised at your sudden question, but you just walk into your room to find some pajamas. You slip on some shorts and a t-shirt pulling on a pair of fluffy socks as you make your way back into the kitchen to get the ice cream. You decide just to bring the two bowls, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and sprinkles with you so Spencer can add his own toppings.

  You somehow manage to balance everything as you walk back over to the couch. You are so focused on not dropping the sprinkles that you don’t notice Spencer has been staring at you since you exited your room. He blinks a few times as you set down the toppings exclaiming “it’s a build your own Sunday bar” as you hand him a bowl and a spoon. You sit back down on the couch, closer than before since you need to reach the toppings.

  “Can you pass me the whipped cream?” Butterflies form in your stomach as your hand brushes his.

  “Whipped cream as we know it today was invented by Charles Getz in the 1930s. Of course, hand whipped cream can be dated back to the 16th century. They would use tree or bush branches as a whisk to incorporate air into the cream.” You could listen to Spencer ramble for the rest of your life.

  You smile at him while you squirt enough whipped cream to completely cover the ice cream and then some. You look up to see Spencer staring. Quickly, you look away and hand him the whipped cream. “Sorry, I just really like whipped cream.”

  “No, you don’t need to apologize! I’m just happy.” A confused look forms on your face as you look back, urging him to continue. “I, uh, I’m just glad you feel comfortable enough to be yourself with me. Most people wouldn’t have even admitted this was their plan for the night. I’m happy that you invited me to join you. I absolutely love sugar.”

  “I’m happy that you’re here too. Who else would provide me with unending knowledge about all the sugary treats?” You laugh as you grab the whipped cream, pointing it at him like a weapon. “Now, tell me who invented chocolate or prepare for the consequences!”

  Spencer puts his hands up in mock surrender as he rambles on about chocolate. “Chocolate dates back to 450 B.C.. The Aztecs believed that cacao seeds were the gift of Quetzalcoatl, the god of wisdom, and the seeds once had so much value that they were used as a form of currency. Originally prepared only as a drink, chocolate was served as a bitter liquid, mixed with spices or corn puree. It was believed to be an aphrodisiac and to give the drinker strength. Today, such drinks are also known as "Chilate" and are made by locals in the South of Mexico. After its arrival to Europe in the sixteenth century, sugar was added and it became popular throughout society, first among the ruling classes and then among the common people. In the 20th century, chocolate was considered essential in the rations of United States soldiers during war.” He finished his ramble with a slight smile and a nod.

  You are so taken with his ramblings that you can’t form a response. In a panic, you decide to spray him anyway. Whipped cream goes flying all over the place as he flails in surprise. “Gotcha!” You shriek as he grabs the can and turns it on you. “Not fair, I answered your question! Now you have to answer mine.” He stops to think for a second before asking, “What language is the word dessert derived from?”

  “Now that’s not fair! You are a literal genius. I run a book store.” Spencer laughs at your feeble attempt to protest. “Just answer the question.”

  “Fine, ummmm, Latin?” You are completely guessing and by the smirk growing on his face, you are not correct.

  “Nope.” He says popping the p. “French!” You grins even wider as he sprays the whipped cream, landing some on your face despite you trying to block it with your hands.

  “Damn, I guess this is only fair.” You say rolling your eyes. He just stares at you in response, his mouth falling open just enough to be noticeable. Right as you’re about to ask him what’s wrong, he reaches over and brushes the whipped cream off your face. Before he can reach a napkin, you grab his hand. Pulling it toward you, you wrap your mouth around his fingers, licking all the whipped cream.

You have no idea what possessed you to do that, but instantly you are trying to back track. “Can’t waste any whipped cream!” The two of you had gotten much closer together throughout your whipped cream battle. Close enough that you can look into his warm hazel eyes. 

He leans closer whispering “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Something in his voice spurs you on. You whisper back “you have some on your nose.”

  Leaning impossibly closer, in an uncharacteristic show of bravery he replies “you better take care of that seeing as it’s your fault” in an equally hushed tone. 

You reach up and steady his face with your hands, leaning in to lick the whipped cream off his nose with a slight kiss. Your face flushes as you look into his eyes. You don’t know if you’re moving or he is but you are shifting closer and closer.  

  The sound of explosions break the moment as you both jump back and shift your gaze to the television. “You know, neither one of these two would make a good profiler if they couldn’t tell that their spouse was an assassin.” You laugh at how matter-of-fact that statement was, the moment on the couch drifting to the back of your mind.

  “You’re probably right.” You don’t know what to do with your hands anymore, so you pick up your ice cream. He pulls you back onto the couch and the two of you lean into each other as you eat and finish the movie.

  Two hours later, the two of you are falling asleep on the couch. After the movie ended, you put on random episodes of Parks and Rec. You finished eating and turned off the lights about 45 minutes ago under the ruse that you can see the tv better without the lights. You’ve been talking to each other pretty much nonstop as the episodes play in the background. Nothing too big, just random information about your lives. Your eyes fall shut, yet again, encouraging you to go to bed, but you don’t want the night to end. He seems to feel the same way, and the two of you fall asleep on the couch wrapped up in each other’s arms.

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