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justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

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Beskar Doll - Ch. 10: Leverage

A plan is taking shape but first, you and The Mandalorian need leverage. A continuation of Beskar Doll Ch. 1-9 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: The Mandalorian/Din Djarin x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, light smut (FINALLY! Dry humping, just a lot of it). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 7K

The trek to the city wasn’t nearly as long on a speeder bike as it would have been on foot. For one, getting down the mountain was a whole hell of a lot quicker when you could travel straight down and not take it at an easy incline. Din was at the helm and you were wrapped around his waist. You diligently kept your eyes closed, worried that watching the trees that you could hear whizzing past your head would make you sick. Your pack was strapped securely to your back, planning to set up camp just outside the city overnight with Keci joining you both tomorrow.

She’d told you some of what went on in the city, things she suspected weren’t totally legal or were, at least, questionable. You had an idea of where to start after you left your speeder outside the city in a place that seemed safe.

You’d never navigated a city of this size with the Mandalorian by your side. You were used to blending in, taking advantage of being small and unobtrusive, just raising a hood here or putting on a wrap there to help blend in and not jump out as a familiar sight after tailing someone for hours. A Mandalorian didn’t blend in.

Instead, it was like the waters of people flowing down the streets parted for you, giving the armored man a wide berth. When you’d glance back to him, you saw him doing the same thing he’d done on Nevarro - never looking in one direction for too long, always on guard for something to jump out and attack at any time.

After a while of not being able to move through the place the way you liked, you pulled Din aside.

“I think we need to split up for a bit,” you said. You could almost feel him frown at you. It was funny, you’d never seen his face but you were sure he was doing it behind the metal. “You’re a little too… bold. I can’t sneak into anywhere with you here.”

“No one’s taking a shot at you with me here, either,” he replied. “And you can’t collect or do anything with intel if you’re dead.”

“I’m very good at not getting killed when gathering information,” you assured him. You weren’t sure why he seemed to care quite so much. Yes, you were friends now. And there was the added intimacy that came with having traveled together in such close quarters. But this was just part of the job he’d accepted - his code should make it so he’d want to do whatever it took to get it done. “Believe it or not, I did this for years - more than a decade - before I even met you, with way bigger assholes than some Spice runners and gangsters. I’ll be fine.”

He looked around, over your head, for a moment before looking back down to you.

“I don’t like it.”

You sighed.

“I’ll meet you here in three hours,” you said, eyebrows raised as you waited for him to agree.

He looked down at you for a long moment before he sighed.

“Fine,” he pulled a com link off his belt and pressed it to your hand. “Anything happens - and I mean anything - I come get you.”

You gave him a smile, a nod and slipped into the crowd, feeling his eyes on you until he was out of sight.

It was much easier when you didn’t have more than six feet of armor behind you. It only took half an hour of navigating the seedier parts of the city when you easily identified a place that seemed to have a stream of people flowing into a nondescript door. You slipped inside, poking around. It didn’t take long for you to find that it was an underground casino, with sabacc tables and slot machines that looked so old they probably pre-dated the Empire. In the middle, through doors that were heavily guarded, was a fighting ring. You winced as you watched two men brawl. It was painful enough to see them beating each other but it was worse when you realized both men were wearing shock collars. One stopped hitting the other - who lay limp on the mat below him - looking off to an unseen force for permission to step away. You saw the metal at his neck spark and his body seize before he went back to beating the man on the ground.

It was terrible but it’s exactly what you needed. You tried to unobtrusively take a picture.

You worked your way deeper into the establishment, trailing people as they went about their business, listening closely when they said names or mentioned something that sounded like someone had control. You stayed close when you heard the word Spice, doing everything you could to stay unseen, just blend into the background. At one point, you paused at one of the slot machines and pretended to play to listen in on a conversation, one that gave you a specific name. You noted it and stayed close to the person who seemed to know most, following a few paces behind them. You’d thought you’d been doing well until you turned a corner and ran smack into his chest.

“Well, well, well,” the man looked down at you, his head cocked and a smile spreading on his sharp face. “I have a little stalker.”

“I’m sorry,” you stammered in Chandrilan. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m lost, can you help me find my way out?”

He grabbed your face, his fingers digging into your skin, the force enough that it threatened to break your jaw.

“Surely you don’t think I’m that stupid, girl,” he snarled, putting his face close to yours. “I know you were listening. You’ve been slinking through here for hours.”

“I’m sorry,” you switched to Basic, straining to talk around his grip on your face. “I’m just… I’m looking for my dad, OK? He left weeks ago, the money is gone, please, my baby brother is starving and he has a habit of losing everything at the tables. I thought… maybe he’d lost so much that you had him.”

He searched your eyes as though that would tell him the truth. He released your jaw.

“What’s his name?” He asked, pulling a data pad from his side. You blinked.

“Perro Obeu,” you said, making it up on the spot. He entered the name and looked at a list.

“He’s not here,” he said, putting the data pad down. “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t be here either.”

“I won’t,” you said quickly. “Thank you.”

You felt his eyes on you as you left and you tried to move fast enough that you got out before there was trouble but not so fast that you drew further attention to yourself. You paced yourself until you were a few hundred steps from the entrance and you broke into a run, immediately cutting down a road you hadn’t gone done before and grabbing the com link from your pocket.

“Change of plan,” you said into it quickly. “Meet me at the market we passed, east side.”

You flicked it off and shoved it into your pocket before you spotted a spout you could scale on a building. You climbed it quickly, scrambling onto the roof. You stayed put and watched as, a moment later, men from the casino came prowling down the alley. You looked around, spotting the clearest path across the roof line.

“Maker dammit,” you muttered to yourself, steeling yourself before running and jumping onto the next closest building. You stumbled, having to tuck and roll before getting back to your feet and doing it again. You were too short to be really good at this, the distance too great to be really doable for someone with legs your length. The speed you had to move with was reckless, your feet catching and sending you sprawling so much that your hands were scratched and bloodied. Eventually, the market was in view and you went to the edge of the building you were on, looking for something you could climb down. There wasn’t anything you could see, but there was an awning over the entrance to the shop you were on top of that was less than 20 feet down.

“Fuck,” you muttered, climbing over the side of the building, taking a deep breath, and letting yourself drop. You landed with a clatter on the metal, the people on the street looking up at you with shocked expressions, but you didn’t see the men from the casino. The awning, at least, was only 10 feet off the ground, and you jumped off the side of it into the only open ground you could find, pressing through the crowd and waiting until the people who’d seen your acrobatics were out of sight to pull your hood up.

Din found you a minute later, taking your elbow and pulling you onto a quiet side street.

“What in the Maker was that?” He demanded.

“I picked up a tail,” you replied with a sigh, lowering your hood. “But I think I ditched them…”

Something about his demeanor changed, his whole body suddenly rigid. You frowned as his hand slowly, gently, went to your chin. He turned your face so he could see your skin in different lights, the hand not touching you slowly clenching into a fist.

“Who did this?” He asked. You frowned deeper.

“Did what?”

“Hurt you,” it sounded as though he was straining to speak through gritted teeth. “There are bruises on your face. Who did it.”

“Oh,” you winced. “Yeah, I drew some unwanted attention just before I picked up the tail. It’s nothing, and definitely worth it because I got good intel. I have enough leverage, I think…”

“I should have gone with you,” he cut you off. You drew back, surprised. “No one would have done this if I was there.”

“I’ve had way worse than some bruising,” you said, trying to reassure him. You held up your bloodied hands. “I did worse to myself, see? Trust me. It’s worth the price. Except I’ll need some makeup to cover this with to pull off tomorrow’s plan… We’ll have to find a stand at the market and quick, I should get out of here in case the tail picks me up again.”

Din stood there, his body caging you in.

“I promise,” you said. “It’s fine.”

You ducked below his arm and put your hood back up, stopping at the first stand you found that sold makeup. You quickly made your purchase, the Mandalorian following you like a shadow, before you made your way back to your speeder and set up camp. You gathered your thoughts and your information, preparing for the next day. Your entire plan hinged on it.

***

Din was sure, now, that you’d be the end of him. It was as though you’d taken part of him for yourself, like you were walking around with a vital piece and he couldn’t do a damn thing to keep it safe anymore.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so angry as when he’d seen your bruised skin. He’d known he should have gone with you. It felt like you should be within his line of sight all the time. It was the only way to know you were safe and he needed you to be safe - more, it seemed, than he needed anything else. Certainly more than he needed sleep.

Which is how he found himself standing guard as you slept, curled up on the ground under every blanket in the pack and still shivering because you couldn’t afford to risk a fire. He’d said he’d wake you for second watch but he wasn’t going to. He needed less sleep than you did and he didn’t think he could rest right now if he tried. Just like on Hosnian Prime, someone had hurt you when he’d been so close but too far to stop it. What good was all he could do if he couldn’t keep you safe?

But you’d seemed unbothered. You slept soundly, no sign of the nightmares he knew could plague you. He’d seen your scars. He knew that you’d survived far worse than anything that had happened to you today. But you shouldn’t need to.

You were upset with him when you woke up with the sunrise but he just shrugged.

“You’re the one who has to convince the local government to provide support,” he replied. “I just have to stand there.”

“You have to get us back to the settlement,” you glared at him. “Maker knows I can’t drive through trees like that.”

He laughed.

“I’ll get us there,” he replied.

He watched you get ready, using the side of the speeder bike as a mirror to doctor your face and style your hair before changing into the dress you’d packed. He’d seen you in it once before, on the Razor Crest, when you’d climbed out of your hiding place in between crates just to prove your point. The dress had almost enraged him then but he could appreciate it now. It was quietly elegant, demanding respect while highlighting your figure. It was a dress you’d leverage as a diplomat.

Keci met you about half a click outside the gates, giving you a once over.

“You clean up well,” she said.

“Have to look the part,” you shrugged before settling into the business at hand. “Let me do all the talking unless I indicate otherwise. Keci, I’ll ask you to seal the agreement on behalf of the settlement. Mando, I probably won’t ask anything of you at all. There are going to be tense moments, I’m basically going to be blackmailing a politician. It has to be done right. I need all the control of the situation I can get so please don’t intervene.”

Keci looked concerned.

“I’ve done this many times,” you said to her gently. “Trust me. I’m going to get us what we want. You just have to let me work.”

You turned and led the way to the city.

“Can she do it?” Keci lowered her voice to him, frowning. Din looked ahead to you, carrying yourself like the queen he knew you’d stood in for.

“She can,” he said. “I’ve seen it.”

The three of you made your way to the center of the city, finding the government building with ease. No one questioned you as you just walked past the guards, head held high, almost daring anyone to stop you. Eventually, you came to the governor’s office, stopping at a desk outside his door.

“Can I help you?” The man sitting at the desk got to his feet. A few guards trailed in after the group. You had drawn some attention, after all. Just no one who was brave enough to try to stop you.

“I’m here to speak with Governor Chadik on behalf of the Bisneth Settlement,” you said.

“Do you have an appointment?” He asked, looking down at his desk.

“Urgent diplomatic matters shouldn’t require an appointment,” you replied. The man frowned.

“I’m not sure that he’s available…” he hedged. Din glanced down at you.

“If Governor Chadik would like to keep his position within the New Republic, he should become available.”

The man’s eyes shot up, looking at you, trying to call your bluff. You didn’t waver.

“Right this way,” he said, gesturing you toward the door behind him.

Keci looked to Din and he gave a stiff nod as the two of them followed behind you into the grand office. A middle-aged Balosar man sat behind his desk as his assistant came and whispered in his ear, nodding and stiffening in his seat. You gave a strong, knowing smile.

“Please,” he said as his assistant stepped back. “Come in, take a seat. Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you,” you said, stepping forward, your hands clasped in front of you. The man came out from behind his desk to meet you in the middle of the room, leaning down to kiss both of your cheeks. Din stiffened.

“Always a pleasure to hear from the settlements,” he said, gesturing to the seats at the front of his desk. You took the middle one as he went around the back. “I’m Governor Chadik, with whom do I have the pleasure?”

“Mesh’la,” you replied. Din felt his stomach clench at the sound of Mando’a on your lips, your pronunciation perfect. “I’m here with my guard, the Mandalorian, and Keci, the mayor of the Bisneth Settlement. I am here on behalf of the people of the settlement, people that are suffering on your watch.”

“Now, I’m sure that’s an exaggeration,” he began, but you cut him off.

“Governor,” you gave him an almost condescending smile. “Do you really think a New Republic emissary intervenes when there aren’t serious concerns? Do you believe the New Republic wastes time and resources on mundane, minor issues?”

“No,” he said quickly, laughing lightly. “No, of course not…”

“Good,” your smile became slightly more genuine. “I’d hate for you to not have a clear understanding of my role here. And your role, as well.”

“Of course,” he said quickly. “And I can assure you, we do everything we can to ensure the welfare of the people here…”

You held out your hand and Din handed you the data pad he had at his side.

“I am concerned, Governor,” you frowned, looking down at the data pad. “That you don’t. You certainly don’t seem to do everything in your power and you don’t seem to understand your role, either…”

“It’s a big world, Mesh’la,” he said, grinding his teeth. “I’m not saying there wasn’t something that was missed but…”

“Well then your administration has missed an awful lot,” you said. “From Bisneth Settlement alone, a dozen citizens have been taken and enslaved by Spice runners from the Zottex Spice Operation, an organization that’s recognized as a criminal syndicate galaxy wide. The operation has cut off all trade routes to the settlement, exposing citizens there to a risk of starvation. Are you intending to participate in the flesh trade, Governor?”

“No!” He sputtered before regaining his composure. “No, of course not…”

“Excellent,” you said, scrolling further on the data pad. “Can you explain why you’ve allowed this to happen on your watch?”

“The settlement is remote,” he ground is teeth. “They are largely cut off from the rest of our society, by their choice I might add. It leaves them vulnerable, there is only so much I can do with the resources available to me…”

“Of course,” you nodded kindly, cocking your head questioningly at him. “So explain the happenings right here, in your capital city.”

“Excuse me?” He said, getting to his feet. Din went to stand, but you threw an arm out, stopping him. The man’s eyes darted to the Mandalorian, metal restrained by flesh.

“He will step in if I allow it,” you said, meeting the man’s eyes. “He’s a Mandalorian. There is no hiding from him. If I say you should be taken into custody, you will be. Please, have a seat Governor.”

He ground his teeth again before dropping forcefully into his chair and leaning across the desk. He closed his eyes for a moment relaxing his jaw, before he spoke again.

“There is nothing happening in my city,” he replied.

“So you’re unaware of the illegal casino only a few blocks away from here?” You asked, bringing up an image of the fighting ring on your data pad. “The one that includes slave ring fighting, run by the Zottex Cartel? Because what it looks like to me is that you’re getting kick-backs from a Spice operation, allowing them to capture citizens, starve citizens and profit from getting your citizens addicted to an illegal substance. Is that not what’s going on?”

He looked almost murderous. Din’s hand moved to his blaster.

“Now, Governor Chadrik,” you smiled gently. “I know you’re a busy man. It would be impossible for you to know everything that was happening on your planet at any given time.”

“Of course it is,” he seethed.

“But,” you sighed. “I think, given the New Republic’s current stance on the Spice trade and the increased crack down on slavery in the Outer Rim, you’d have a hard time making it out of this with your job intact… Unless you do something to make it better.”

“What are you asking for?” He asked. His hands were in fists on his desk. You smiled broadly.

“Nothing that’s outside your capacity to give,” you replied, sliding the data pad to him. “I have drawn up this agreement between Bisneth Settlement and the Zottex Cartel. We just ask that we have the full backing of the Bakuran government in the enforcement of this agreement.”

“You really think you can get the cartel to come to an agreement with a backwater settlement,” he hissed.

“Yes,” you said smoothly. “With the right incentives. We just ask for enforcement aid, a reasonable request that you should be fulfilling anyway. Also, you end the slave fighting. We can turn a blind eye to the casino.”

“How do you expect me to get Zottex to shut down the fighting?” He demanded. You shrugged.

“That’s up to you, isn’t it?” You said. “But if you don’t want word of it to get back to the core government, you’ll make it happen. I can’t return to Coruscant and not report it if it’s still happening. Honestly, Governor, I’m doing you a favor with this offer.”

He looked at the data pad.

“I don’t have the man-power to support this level of enforcement,” he said.

“Yes you do,” you replied. “The New Republic has added 8 million credits to this world’s security budget in the last 2 years. You can afford additional forces. Unless you’d like me to examine where those funds have gone while I’m on world?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he grabbed the data pad off the desk and scrawled his signature. “You’ll never get Zottex to agree.”

“Good thing that’s not your problem then, isn’t it?” You smiled. He almost threw the data pad at you but you took it gently from his hands and handed it to Keci.

“Mayor,” you said. “Please sign on behalf of your settlement.”

She was looking at you, somewhat awed, but took the data pad and obeyed. You showed the governor before pressing a few keys.

“I just transferred a copy of this agreement to you for your records,” you said. “And, of course, we will be filing this as an official agreement with the hall of records on Coruscant. We will let you know when the agreement goes into effect. In the meantime, you have 4 days to end the slave fighting. Do you have any questions?”

He just glared at you.

“Excellent,” you smiled, handing the data pad back to Din before facing the Governor again. “It was nice to meet you, Governor Chadrik. I look forward to you fulfilling your pact with your people. Best of luck to you.”

He didn’t say anything as you led the way from the room, Din watching him until he knew he wasn’t going to shoot you.

“Maker be damned,” Keci hissed as you left the building.

“Wait until we’re the speeders,” you said quickly, your head still high as you made your way through town.

You found the bikes in the trees and Keci threw herself around your neck, laughing, almost giddy.

“I didn’t really think you could do it!” She clutched onto you. You just smiled and patted her back. “I can’t believe it, we’re going to get the help we need!”

“We’re only half way there,” you said, stepping back gently. “We still have to back Zottex into a corner.”

“I know,” she said, still smiling hugely. “But I think we can. I know we can. You’re not really an emissary from the New Republic, are you? What if he tries to get out of it?”

“And what,” you shrugged. “Sends a message to Coruscant saying ‘hey, just checking, but someone called me on my shit, can you confirm she’s with you?’ He’s going to keep this as quiet as possible. And you don’t have to be an emissary to file something with the hall of records. We can log it, it will be binding. We just have to get Zottex to sign.”

“We can,” she said quickly. “We will.”

You rode on the back of Din’s speeder, your head between his shoulders at his back, your arms around his waist, legs around his hips. He let himself enjoy the feeling of it - the feeling of someone who could bring the Governor of a planet to his knees wrapped around him.

Keci spread the word the second she was back, with what seemed like the entirety of the settlement pouring from their homes to greet you on the street as you walked back to where you were staying. Someone started playing music and you’d only made it up the path to where you were staying when someone pressed dishes of food into your hands.

“I feel bad for taking resources,” you said, sitting with your back against the wall as Din started a fire. The sun was going down, but the celebration in the streets of the settlement was just getting started but the two of you were far enough away that it was quiet, distant.

“Think you earned it. Besides, trade will start again soon,” Din said, sitting across from you. “How’s your face?”

“Fine,” you waved him off. “Barely even feel it.” You took a bite of food and closed your eyes, moaning happily. “Fuck, almost forgot what not-rations taste like. Maker, that’s good.”

Din laughed and your eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, I’m being so rude,” you said, moving out from the wall and turning to face the corner. He paused. “There, I won’t look. You should eat, it’s so good.”

He watched you for a moment. He wanted to ask you to turn back around, having more fun watching you enjoy yourself, but thought better of it. Instead, he removed his helmet and took a bite.

“You were right,” he said. “This is…”

“So good, right?” You said when he couldn’t find the words. He smiled.

“So good.”

After dinner, you strategized until it looked like you were going to collapse and Din convinced you to lie down, the faint strains of music still filtering in through the window. Again, he waited until he was sure you were asleep before he silently removed his helmet, holding you close enough that he could feel your skin until he couldn’t keep his eyes open, putting the helmet back on before falling asleep beside you.

***

The giddiness of pulling off your plan clung to you all the way back to the settlement and all evening long, the happiest it seemed you’d been in ages. It was like your whole body was burning with it, a pleasant tingling spreading through your limbs and your chest, consuming you. You’d been about ready to fall asleep sitting up with Din convinced you to lie down, something you were happier to agree to when he took his place next to you.

The feeling only seemed to grow as you slept, though, and the ache inside you deepened as you dreamed of the most stable presence in your life, all metal and soothing baritone. What it would be like to touch him, feel him, the need twisting and gnawing in your sleep.

“Mesh’la,” his voice, slightly strangled, reached you, and you woke with a gasp. You were in his arms but closer than you’d ever been. One leg was hitched over his hip, your core pressed against him, suddenly acutely aware of his hard length against you through his flight suit. His arms were around you, loosely, like he was afraid to touch you, but your chest was pressed tight against him.

“I’m…” you started, panting for breath but not fully understanding why. Your eyes searched where you knew his to be below the helmet, about to apologize when you realized that he was breathless, too.

He lifted a gloved hand, tentatively, brushing your hair back from your face. You took a deep, shaky breath, the ache between your legs growing at the feeling of him pressed against you.

“What do you want, Mesh’la?” He asked, his voice trembling. “Tell me what you want, what you need.”

You groaned quietly, pressing yourself closer to him, somehow inching you closer to relief while spreading the ache through your body.

“You,” you whispered. “I want… I need… you.”

He took the hand from your face and took yours.

“Help me take this off,” he said, still panting for breath. You obeyed, hand trembling as you pulled the glove from him. His fingers traced your hand, his skin feeling too soft for someone who lived the life he did, before running up your arm back to your face. His fingers drifted into your hair and he moaned softly, twisting in it at the base of your skull before pulling your head to his helmet and rocking his hips against you.

A strangled groan spilled from your lips as you moved against him, working yourself over him while the hand that was below your body clutched at your lower back, pressing you so tightly to him you were afraid you’d burst.

But you needed it, needed the closeness, needed to feel as much of him as you possibly could, the ache threatening to consume you otherwise. His ungloved hand eventually left your face, trailing to your chest and running over your breasts beneath your shirt, softly cupping you as he pressed his length against you harder.

His pace increased, his hand running down your body - leaving your breasts with a strangled moan - to your hip, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thigh as he pulled you closer. You knew, if you were both naked, he’d be buried inside you like this. But instead it felt like he was trying to climb inside your skin and you were desperate to let him, wanted to feel him that close to you like you’d never wanted anything else.

“Cyare,” he moaned as you clung to him, doing everything in your power to bring him closer. The hand on your leg moved again, this time slipping up your shirt to your back, his fingertips digging into you in a way that would probably hurt if you weren’t so desperate for release, for him. You moaned, biting your lip, nearing choking on the aching pleasure. “Tell me what you need… fuck, so soft…”

“Just you,” you managed, hardly able to string two words together. All you could think of was the rising pleasure, the tightness building in your core, how you weren’t sure it would be possible to ever be close enough to this man to be truly satisfied. “Please, Din…”

He thrust up against you, almost rabid with need, hitting you just right so that the band that had been tightening inside you snapped and you came with a strangled cry. He grabbed you with both hands and pulled your hips against him with all his strength, gasping as he came undone, his orgasm so powerful you could feel him throbbing through your clothes.

“Fuck, Cyare,” he moaned, all the tension leaving his body as he went limp beside you, his grip on you easing, both of you panting for breath. You stayed like that, your body against his, raw from the intensity of your release, for a few minutes. His ungloved hand shakily came to your face, cupping your cheek gently. You pressed your face into his palm, luxuriating in the fact that you were touching him, his skin. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” you said. Your voice was shaky. “Are you?”

“Yes. I’ve wanted…” he paused, his breathing straining to return to normal. He ran his fingers through your hair. “I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.”

Your hand covered his ungloved one, lacing your fingers through his and tugging his palm to your lips as press a kiss into it. His breathing stuttered again.

“Good,” you said softly. “Because I wouldn’t want to be in that alone.”

He held you close, your leg still over his hip, your face still against his helmet, until you both fell asleep again, completely wrapped up in each other.

You half expected to have dreamed it, for him to not be there when you woke, but he was. Your leg was still over him, his ungloved hand was tangled in your hair and curled around the back of your neck, his thumb gently tracing your throat, your forehead against the bottom of his helmet. The ache in you from the night before lingered beneath the surface, hazy morning light coloring the room around you a soft orange. You gently ran your fingers along his side, where his skin was only covered by his flight suit and there was no armor between you.

“Doll,” he said softly, his voice low. It made you jump, snatching your hand back into yourself for a moment before you slowly, cautiously reached back to his side. He wouldn’t be holding you like this if he didn’t want you to touch him, right?

“Yes?” You breathed, resisting the urge to move your hips against him.

“What do you want?” His voice was almost a growl, heat and desperation in it.

“I thought I’d made that clear last night,” you said, softly, slowly rocking your hips against him. He groaned.

“Good.”

His hand disentangled from your hair and almost flew to your leg, pulling it higher on his body so he could press himself closer to you. You buried your mouth in his shoulder to muffle your strangled cry as he almost viciously clung to you, the heat that had been present in your body curling between your legs. You abandoned any pretense you had, arms wrapping around him and pulling him tightly against you, your body crushing against his muscle and armor.

You couldn’t remember ever needing something - anything - the way you needed this. Like there was a fist in your chest, squeezing your heart so it threatened to burst until you found relief. The arm that was below you suddenly wrapped tightly around your waist and Din rolled onto his back, taking you with him so you were on top of him. His hands moved quickly to your hips, reminding you of how he moved when fighting - exacting, purposeful. He pulled you down against him and you almost collapsed on him from the shock of that rolled through you, the angle exposing unknowingly neglected nerves and flesh that relished in the contact.

His hands guided your movements, fingers clinging to you, working your body over his in long, full, aching strokes. You shuddered against him, your head falling weakly to his, the cool metal feeling almost as intimate as the bare skin of his hand as his fingers brushed against your exposed flesh over the top of your pants. He thrust himself up against you, fast and hard and reckless, and you groaned, pressing your lips into his covered shoulder just to put them somewhere on him.

Din’s hands left your body for a moment, just long enough to pull off the other glove and cast it aside, before slipping them below your shirt and over your skin. With a moan, he pulled you down onto him, his hips meeting yours, the feeling of his bare hands on you heady and intense.

You tried to steady yourself and have just a moment of lucidity, putting your hands on his shoulders and pushing him into the ground, leveraging yourself up and looking down at him. Your long hair was a curtain around you both and your eyes found his below his mask, feeling him there as you worked yourself against him harder, faster, your breaths coming in keening pants. His hands slid slowly up your body, the feeling of his skin on you leaving a trail of fire up your flesh. He moaned breathlessly when he reached your breasts, his soft touch standing in stark contrast to his sharp thrusts beneath you. You gasped his name as the tightness inside you neared its peak, bringing you higher and higher.

“Fuck, Mesh’la,” he moaned. “You feel… Do it, take what you need…”

You pressed yourself so hard against him it seemed like a miracle you didn’t break from it, working his hard length over your core until you came undone, your body going limp and hips stilling. His hands moved on you again, his hips still pushing up against your overwrought center, one going to the small of your back, the other wrapping around your middle, holding you so tight against him that you weren’t quite sure where you ended and he began, your whole body a raw nerve. He held onto you like you were all that mattered, the only thing keeping him alive, the only thing he’d ever needed. You felt his release overtake him, a strangled groan slipping from him as he gasped for breath and clutched you to him. You lay there, body limp on him, wondering how the fuck he could do this to you.

It’s not like you were especially experienced - you’d only ever been with one person, war and a subsequent life in hiding not exactly giving you much time for things like romance. But you weren’t a total novice, either. Sex with Dagres had been good. Not that you knew a damn thing about it but you loved him and it felt right. But it never felt like this and you hadn’t even touched him, not really. You were both still fully clothed.

“Cyare,” he said. His hand trembled as he found your face, the other slipped up your back, fingers gentle on your spine. Your lips brushed his thumb and he pulled your head to the base of his mask, sighting against you. You kissed the middle of his chest, against his armor.

“What does that mean?” You asked softly. His hand stilled in the middle of your back, his palm large and warm. He was silent. After a moment, you decided to cut him a break, fighting to ignore the pang of rejection. “We should go, we have a lot of work to do.”

***

All Din wanted was to hold onto you for a while longer. The absence of you stung as you went to get changed. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, listening as you just existed in the next room. It had been so long since he’d last touched someone but it felt like he couldn’t get close enough to you, no matter what he did. You were so soft, possibly the softest thing he’d ever held. He could almost imagine what it would be to sink into you, to feel you completely. It had been months since he’d last been with a woman and it had only ever been something quick to satisfy a need. Everything stayed on, he’d never touched someone the way he’d touched you.

When he’d woken to you pressed against him, warm and desperate in your sleep, it took him a moment to realize that it wasn’t a dream. He should have woken you up the moment he knew what you were doing. But you felt too good and it consumed him. He could only wake you up when he couldn’t take it anymore, when he was so desperate to move against you that he had no other choice.

He hadn’t meant to call you cyare. The word seemed to have slipped from him of its own accord, the only word he knew in any language that fit you.

He wasn’t sure what to do now. He signed, getting to his feet and silently leaving the house before you emerged from the bedroom and walking down the path to the settlement.

When you came down not long after, you didn’t say a word to him, barely glancing at him before finding Keci.

The next thing he knew, you were climbing the tallest tree near the center of town. Din growled and stalked over to it, standing beside Keci as she looked up at you.

“What’s she doing?” He asked, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you keep climbing, the thin branches looking like they’d barely hold your weight. But you kept climbing.

“Looking for a good siege point,” she glanced over at him. “She’s damn good.”

“I know,” he muttered, still watching you. Your foot slipped and Din jumped - ready to do what he wasn’t quite sure - but you caught yourself. You were too high up. But you held onto the tree, surveilling the area before climbing back down, dropping beside Keci and landing deftly on your feet from more than 10 feet up.

“I think I have it,” you said, nodding to her. “If we set up the meeting hall to withstand a siege, we can put the most vulnerable in there. We can work with the landscape around the outskirts and we’ll only need a few well-placed explosives. We can force them through a funnel point, have the defensible siege location. Once we pin them down, we can capture one or two major players and force the agreement.”

She nodded.

“We have about two dozen strong fighters,” Keci said. “A handful more who are decent marksmen if we set them back…”

“If we can make sure their numbers don’t overwhelm us,” you said. “I think that will be enough. But we need to force them into the funnel.”

“On it,” Keci said, making for the central part of the settlement. You watched her go for a moment before glancing at him.

“Yes?” You asked, voice cool.

“Can you try harder to not get yourself killed?” He grumbled.

“Sorry, Mando,” you said. “Wasn’t aware you cared.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say. Instead, he just watched you leave.

#fanfic #mandalorian fanfic #enemies to friends to lovers #din djarin #smut fic #slow burn #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #the mandalorian x female reader

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swordbisexual · 5 months ago

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A Chest Of Pine And Iron: Chapter One

Being the record of a collection of personal effects found in the traveling trunk of Fenella Rutherford, née Trevelyan.

[A leather-bound diary, the first of several that share its appearance, of a medium size and battered on its cover and edges, with a well broken-in spine. Some pages are warped and wavy, and the book falls open in places where folded notes and pressed flowers were kept, as evidenced by loose pages that emerge and the odd dried, crumbling petal or leaf. This is the diary of the Herald of Andraste, later Inquisitor, though on its first page it is simply labeled with four words, written in a neat, if not expert, hand: “Property of Fenella Trevelyan”]

18 August 9:41

Herald of Andraste. I confess that, for the first time in my life, I might actually believe in her divine grace.

Maker forgive me for the blasphemy, and all that. No one else will read this, and I don’t think the Maker cares much for the scribblings of the youngest Trevelyan, herald or not. Then again, he might be looking over my shoulder right now, in which case:

MAKER, WHEN THERE WAS ONLY DARKNESS, YOU WERE THE LIGHT.

[This is written in large capitals, thrice underlined, and takes the whole of the bottom half of this page. The entry continues on the next.]

There. Now that that’s done.

Maker, Andraste, and whoever else is listening, help me get through this all right.

I’ve been told that I was asleep for days, calling the name of the Lady and the Divine and reciting the Canticle of the Apotheosis. Strange, that I did any of that, especially since I’ve struggled with recalling any of the Chant no matter how much I studied it. Ask me to sing “She of the Highwaymen Repents” and I can do it without a thought, but the Apotheosis? I can barely even remember it right now. I certainly can’t remember what I saw, or not in any way that I’m supposed to remember. The vision at the Temple was…

It’s an odd sensation, even just recalling it. I was standing outside of myself, looking myself in the face while the Lady shone just outside of our vision. I saw my own fear and wonder, and wondered if I’ve always looked like that. If I’ve always looked so young, and so scared, and if I still look that way. It was as if I didn’t know that woman. As if I was looking at her for the very first time in my life, and for one fleeting moment, as if I was seeing a vision of the Lady born anew. Maker forg never mind.

There is a polished brass mirror in the quarters they’ve given me here, and looking at myself just now, all I see is the same face I’ve seen for eight and twenty years. A little too round, a little too freckled, on a frame that’s just a little too big to be called strong or graceful. The only place I’ve felt like either of those things is with a sword or a staff in the training yard, but even then the feeling goes away as soon as I put my weapon down.

None of that really matters now, I suppose. This isn’t Ostwick, and there’s no daily lessons in the Chant and no garden to disappear to when I’m trying to avoid them. There’s only soldiers, a war room, and snow as far as the eye can see.

And the mark. There’s the mark, too.

It doesn’t feel like anything right now, save for maybe the passing itch deep in my palm in a place where I can’t scratch. Only then do I want to break skin and dig my fingers in past the bones and pull it out. I picture a shifting black and green thing, all spiked on the edges and blinking at me with as many eyes as that pride demon, and I picture flinging it onto the council table and storming right back out and disappearing into the Frostbacks. Of course, such behavior doesn’t suit either the Herald or a Trevelyan, and the feeling passes as soon as the itch does.

Good thing, too. I’m not used to this much snow.

As for the war council, it is difficult of think of myself as its leader. Even waiting in the council chamber for those first brief moments alone before the rest arrive - Commander Rutherford first, always, followed closely by Cassandra, with Leliana slipping in like Cassandra’s shadow and the Lady Montilyet bringing up the unhurried, sauntering rear - I feel much like I did when I waited with my parents for my brothers to come in from their duties. Only when they all look to me do I remember that I am their leader, and I am the one to tell them where to go and what to do and how the Inquisition should proceed. Not a single person has ever wanted my opinion before, and now here I am with my word taken as the Maker’s own law.

That might be more blasphemous than anything I’ve written here, but is it? Do they know that? Do they actually believe that I’ll be the one to lead them? Do they know who I am?

Do I know?

I’ve rambled on enough. It’s starting to make my hand itch again. I don’t know how far the borders of Haven extend, but I think I’d like to go as far as I can out towards them this afternoon. The air up here is colder and crisper than any I’ve ever breathed behind the walls of Ostwick. Perhaps there will be answers out there, and if not, then I can at least pretend I’ll find them.

#my writing #da #da:i #oc: fenella trevelyan #dragon age inquistor #inquisitor trevelyan #dragon age fanfiction

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boldlyvoid · 2 years ago

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No Longer Alone Together: Part 3

Part Three | Masterlist

December 5th:

They slip back into normalcy quite easily. She goes back to her normal shifts for just 1 week before her Christmas break starts, and a similar thing was true for the kids, their last day was on the 23rd, however.

Spencer is up at 6am, he answers the door for Emily and gives her a big welcome home hug. PJ sits with them in their bed for an hour, babbling and driving his little toy cars over the sheets while Y/N gets another hour in. Luna comes in around 7, and Spencer has to wake the other 2 up at 7:30 so they can have breakfast and get ready for the bus. They’re gone at 8:15, the first bell rings at 8:50 and they’d be home around 4.

On Monday, she goes to her doctor before work to give a blood sample, she’s welcomed back by the secretary who has sat in the same wheelie chair since they had Atlas, she’s very happy to see Y/N again.

In the doctor's main office, on the wall, all the healthy babies that Doctor Morison has delivered, have their photos hung on the wall. All three of her children are on there, Atlas covered in cake at his first birthday, Noelle all dressed up for her first professional photo with the chubbiest cheeks… and a newborn Luna sitting in Atlas’s arms with Noelle resting her head on her, hugging her brand new little sister with a huge smile.

There’s going to be 4 up there soon… she shakes her head, thinking about it while she waits for the nurse.

This time not even a decade ago, she was completely alone and crushing on some guy who kept coming into her wing of the museum. The one with the curly brown hair and the sweet blond boy he carried around on his shoulders to see the dinosaurs better. She spent over a year dreaming about being with a man like him… or just him in general. She wanted to mother his children and take them to the museum and live a happy life with someone who loved her…

She has Paris to thank for the family she has now, if her dad didn’t take his girlfriend to France, she would’ve never had the courage to talk to Spencer… leave it to the city of love to be strong enough to bring people together even when they’re in the privacy of their own home. And then like magic, Taylor Swift wrote it into a song which plays in her headphones while she waits for her doctor.

She has her blood taken, the nurse is lovely about it, and then she gets to talk to her regular doctor. They share a hug, it’s been a while since she’s seen her in person. They’ve been through a lot together…

“So, you know this is considered a geriatric pregnancy now that you’re 40 and it comes with higher risks, right?” Dr. Morison asks.

She nods, “yep… pretty nervous about it, actually.”

“It’s not going to be too different, you’re just going to get poked a bit more often, but it’s just to make sure you’re both as healthy as possible,” she assures her. “How are you feeling, 9 weeks and 3 days is right when everything starts to get worse for you, usually…”

She chuckles, “yeah… well, I’m not throwing up as much as I was with the others but I think it’s cause I was too busy, I wouldn’t let myself.”

“Ah, I take it Spencer is back home now?”

“How’d you know he was gone?”

“I saw him on the tonight show on the ER TV of all places?” she shares with a surprised smile. “I bought the books too… I can’t believe it’s all based on real stories?”

“Oh yeah, it was wild when he was still in the FBI…” she can’t believe it either. “He’ll be here for the ultrasound on Friday, though.”

“Good… now, we have some extra tests that we can screen for this time around, I can go ahead and run them all with this blood test?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” she agrees easily. “I want to know everything.”

December 9th:

And there he was beside her the day of the big ultrasound, with PJ strapped to his chest, taking his morning nap, heavy as ever for being 22 months old.

They offered to take him every morning until the baby came, and then most days after that while they adjusted to having a newborn. PJ was an easy kid to watch, he was almost 2 after all, so he was in that peaceful stage between baby and toddler that they loved so much. It was a win-win getting to look after him.

They don’t meet in the ultrasound room first. Instead, a nurse takes them back to that same office with the baby photos on the walls, nervous that something is wrong.

Dr. Morison comes in with a smile, with nothing alarming in her presentation. And then she sits with a sigh and Spencer turns to Y/N with a look, reading her a lot better than Y/N ever could.

“And who’s this?” She notices the baby on Spencer's chest.

“Our nephew,” Spencer explains. “You know Laura and Emily Prentiss?”

“Ah, Peter Joseph,” she knew exactly which baby that was. “Laura’s due any day now, isn’t she? I’m on call to deliver.”

“We know…” Y/N can tell she’s stalling.

There’s something she’s scared to say.

“So, right to business, I guess… We ran your blood and found something,” she leads. “It’s not bad, it’s not life-threatening, but this baby does have 3 copies of chromosome number 21, meaning—

“They have down syndrome?” Spencer knows right away.

Dr. Morison nods. “They do.”

“That’s okay,” Y/N looks between Spencer and their doctor, watching their faces to make sure they thought so too. “They’re okay, otherwise, right?”

“We have to do the ultrasound to make sure, but yes, they’re healthy according to all your other levels,” she assures them. “It’s highly common for women over 35 to pass on two copies of the 21st chromosome, actually 1 in 800 babies in the united states is born with trisomy 21 and as of 2022, the life expectancy of a person born with trisomy 21 is 60 plus years old… there is a high likely hood they will have some developmental delays and some physical disabilities too like sleep apnea or gastrointestinal problems… but we won’t know until they’re born.”

“Okay,” Y/N takes a deep breath, accepting it easily, she always said she’d love every child no matter what. “um… do you know what their sex is on there?”

“Oh, yeah, I have it,” she stalls, making sure Spencer has the time to catch up.

He’s quiet because he’s thinking about it all, he knows a lot about trisomy 21 in his brain. It was going to be an adjustment, but they could do it easily with him being home all the time and the child probably needing more support, it was going to work fine. Thinking about maybe homeschooling them to avoid bullying and ensure she learns to the best of her ability and any of the other kids could switch to homeschooling too. And he wouldn’t mind taking a huge hiatus from writings books, even if the publishers get mad. His family comes first.

“Spence?” Y/N nudges him.

“Sorry. Please, go on,” Spencer realizes they’re waiting for him. “I’d love to know.”

“You’re having another little girl,” she smiles, watching as they turn to each other with big eyes and matching gasps.

“No way?” Y/N can’t believe it, she had an inkling they’d be a boy because this pregnancy was similar to Atlas’s so far but, clearly, she was wrong.

“The tests don’t lie,” she jokes, letting them live in the moment for a minute. “Would you like to go see her?”

“Absolutely.”

They follow her into the ultrasound room she gets all undressed and on the table, nervous as ever to see her. Dr. Morison is quiet while she does the exam, watching the screen alone at first and then turning the screen on the wall on for them to see. She walks them through everything she sees, what’s normal and what she expected to see with the trisomy 21 diagnosis. It’s not as scary as she thought, the anxiety in her body fades as reality settles.

They get pictures and pamphlets and book a million more appointments for different things over the next few months. It’s a lot to process, but thankfully they have a few months to get ready for everything.

PJ’s back in his car seat, and the two of them sit in the front of the van, Spencer offers to drive home but neither one of them is really ready to go yet. They just sit there. Quietly.

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” she can’t describe it. “I’m just worried about her…” she rubs her hand over her belly. “It’ll be difficult on us, sure whatever, but what about her? She’s going to have health issues her whole life and kids are fucking mean?”

“Believe me, I know,” Spencer reaches over to hold her hand. “But she has two older sisters and a big brother to watch out for her alongside us. And like 10 cousins… she’s going to be very loved, very protected, she’s going to have a good life with us.”

He’s right. He always is. He has a 6th sense for when things are good for them, like he can tell what was set out by fate and what was temptation just waiting for them to reach out and make their perfectly crafted stack of cards come crumbling down.

They take PJ back to Laura, finding that Will’s truck is in the driveway, so he must be over too. Sure enough, they walk right in and find Will in the kitchen making Laura some lunch while she sits at the counter rubbing her big belly.

“Hey!!” They cheer as soon as they see Spencer, although Laura doesn’t get up from her seat, she really can’t with how pregnant she is. “Welcome home!”

“Hi,” he gives her a quick hug, “how are you feeling?”

“Good, ready to be done, you know…” she shrugs. He’s heard it all, having witnessed the end of pregnancy many times already, he knew it was hardest on them. “How’s my little man?”

“He’s good,” Y/N gives her a half-hearted smile while holding little PJ, still asleep and slowly waking up on her shoulder. “He slept a lot longer than usual cause we were in the car after his nap time and you know he loves cars.”

“Where’d you go?” Will asks before Laura can get to it.

“We had a doctor's appointment,” Spencer shoots her a look, wondering if they’re going to tell their support system now or later… he didn’t really have a choice, they read him like a book.

“You’re pregnant again?” Will points at her, “I knew it. I had a feeling last week when we had lunch at the museum…”

“Yeah,” she takes a deep breath, “and— and we got news, it’s not bad news… we love her already no matter what, but we found out today she has down syndrome.”

“Oh,” Will and Laura look at each other with the same expression.

“That’s normal for people our age, though, right?” Will asks, “there are two boys with it in Henry’s class and a guy in my jujitsu club’s daughter has it, they’re all wonderful little kids…”

“Yeah, no, we’re excited, it’s going to be fine,” Spencer reiterates.

“And you know Amelia from Grey's anatomy? Her daughter in real life has it too, she’s the sweetest thing,” Laura adds. “Did you guys plan this… is that why you’re so hesitant to be excited?”

She takes a deep breath and bounces PJ slightly, soothing herself more than him with the simple rhythmic movement. “We don’t use condoms, never have, so technically we’re always trying… I’m hesitant cause— cause this is now a high-risk pregnancy on top of being a geriatric one. I have to do more tests, she’s going to go through medical problems her whole life, she’s going to be dependent on us for a lot of things well into her adulthood… and the world's not looking too good right now, so like, I’m feeling terrible like it’s my fault and— and,” she finally breaks down, covering her face as she cries.

Will and Spencer crowd her, Will takes PJ from her and Spencer wraps her up in a hug, “hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I’m just pregnant,” she cries harder, embarrassed more than anything to be doing this in front of their friends, but they were her best friends in the whole world. They would hear this at some point anyway.

She takes a seat beside Laura at the kitchen counter, finally, Laura offers over half of her sandwich but Y/N doesn’t want it. Spencer stands behind her, rubbing her back gently, he knows they have to leave soon to make it back to the house in time for Luna to get off the bus, but she needs her people.

“I’m just going to run home,” he whispers to the top of her head before pressing a kiss there, “you stay and chat.”

“Okay,” she knows exactly why he’s going, the others do too.

“Do you need anything while I’m out, Laur?” Spencer asks, offering to go out of his way for her in her time of need.

“I’m good, just hurry back here with my niece, I miss her,” she teases, having a wonderful bond with all 3 of them actually.

Once Spencer’s gone, the other two look at her carefully, “why didn’t you tell us?”

She shrugs, “I didn’t want to believe it was happening until he was home, honestly.”

“I get that,” Will understands. “JJ found out with Michael at work and told Spencer before me and I was genuinely pissed…”

“I remember,” Y/N can recall the phone call they had after it. “I knew right away basically, but I didn’t take a test till last week.”

“When are you due?” Laura asks more so she knows when they’ll all have to step up to take care of Y/N this time.

“July 10th… Nichola Teslas birthday, apparently,” she remembers how excited Spencer got when he realized that, repeating it with a smile. “And she’s a girl and she looked really good, you want to see?”

That was a no-brainer. She takes the ultrasound photos out of her purse and hands it to them. “How do they know she has down syndrome?”

“The blood tests and that there,” she points at the back of the baby's neck, “the fluid build-up is a telltale sign.”

“Ah,” they both follow along.

“And you’re okay?” Laura asks, “do you need anything?”

She shrugs, “I feel fine… I’m just nervous and you know my anxiety is always 10 times worse when I’m pregnant.”

“Look at me,” Laura takes her hand in hers and stares into her eyes. “You’re a wonderful mom, you and Spencer are so good to your kids, a special needs child isn’t going to be difficult for you. You’re going to give them so much love and accept them for who they are and help them grow into who they’re meant to be just like you’re doing with the other 3… she’s going to grow up very loved. That’s all you could ask for, right?”

“Yeah,” she cries lightly again, leaning over and resting her head on Lauras shoulder, “thank you.”

Its moments like this she’s so unbelievably thankful for Spencer and that trip her parents took to Paris. She would’ve never known Laura or Will without him, without that trip setting the dominos for the rest of her in motion. She’d never know true friendship and love like this without it.

—

Back at home later that afternoon, they have to get the older two from the bus and head right back out to the doctor's office to get Noelle's cast off. Her doctor is so proud of her for keeping it on right and helping her bones heal to the best of their ability. She gets a special sticker for doing such a good job around the saw as they cut it off and then she asks to keep the cast… her eyes well with tears and she cries when mom says no at first.

It stinks, it’s gross, and Y/N doesn’t want it in her house, so they compromise and cut out her favourite signatures to put in a memory box in her room. She loved her cast. She told everyone about how she broke her arm doing a cool skateboarding jump in her cousin's backyard and how she didn’t even cry in the hospital. It was her proudest achievement so far and Spencer wasn’t even there for any of it.

He goes into a bit of a spiral that night after the kids go to bed.

He sits with Y/N in the living room, she holds her phone in her hands as she scrolls through tiktok’s with a Christmas movie on in the background and Spencer's head in her lap. Occasionally she’ll scratch the top of his head like he’s a cat and rake her fingers through his hair, it’s usually relaxing but he can’t stop stressing.

“Do you think they’re going to grow up and resent me for missing the last month?” He whispers.

“What?” She doesn’t mean to laugh but it does sound a bit ridiculous.

“I didn’t even know she broke her arm until she was home from the hospital?” He cries, “and it was apparently the best day of her life?”

“Thats just because I let her have a whole tub of ice cream from the corner store,” Y/N downplays it. “Seriously, Will would have called you too if you weren’t in Chicago… I wasn’t there right away either, you know?”

“I just feel guilty,” he sighs, looking up at her from his spot in her lap. “I wish I was here for that, for you… I still can’t get over how much Atlas cried when he saw me again. That broke my heart.”

“He’s a sensitive soul,” she coos, stroking his hair back out of his eyes. “Just like you… seriously, it’s one month out of the full 18 years you get to spend with them here.”

“We only have 10 more with him—

“Ah! No!” She points at him. “I am not thinking about that night now. Believe me, I know the math and I hate it too.”

He turns his head to the side and stares at her tummy, “at least we get a fresh start again soon…”

“We should call dad and Diana,” she suggests. “they’re going to be excited.”

“Where did they go this year, again?” Spencer genuinely forgets, his last few months were so busy that he’s barely talked to his mom and when he did it was about himself.

“They’re on a cruise in Alaska,” she says while back on her phone, pulling up the photo her dad sent her of him and Diana on the boat the first day. “They come home on the 21st.”

They started a tradition of trips for Christmas, but since becoming grandparents, they’ve always come home with a few days to spare before the big day. They didn’t want to miss any time with their grandkids, not when they didn’t know how much time they had left.

“That sounds fun,” he’s envious. “We should take a trip before this baby, just me and you…”

“When? We’re already taking the kids to Florida in March?” She reminds him, the whole thing was already planned with JJ, Will, their kids and Penny coming too.

He shrugs, “we’ll find time… even if we just go to DC for 2 nights away. I miss this, just doing nothing together for hours on end.”

“Me too,” she lets out a deeper sigh as she thinks about it. “We’re done after this baby, right?”

“Do you want to be?”

She nods, “yeah, I don’t think I can do this again… not with my bad eggs.”

“You don’t have bad eggs,” he assures her, wrapping his arms around her middle and hugging her with his face pressed to her belly. “I know it's different and scary and it’ll be like being first-time parents again but that’s the fun part… I loved those first few months with just me, you and Atlas. Even with the sleep deprivation and getting shit on, I loved spending time with you and now we get to do it again.”

“It’s taking everything in me not to google it,” she admits. “I want to know everything that can go terribly wrong but I also know thats the worst thing I could do to myself right now.”

“Yeah, maybe don’t,” Spencer agreed. “We have another appointment in the new year and we’re going to learn everything then. It’ll be okay.”

“You keep saying that.”

“‘Cause I mean it,” he didn’t know what else to say. “We’ve gotten through some terrible things and made it this far. This isn’t a terrible thing, if anything, I’m glad that out of the 1 in 800 babies in the US born with down syndrome, it’s our baby who has it. She’s a baby who’s going to need a lot of love and who else loves like us? No one. We have a huge family, the kids will love her, Penny and Laura and Will, they’re going to love her and offer to spend just as much time with her as they do with the others. My mom and your dad are going to spoil her rotten and you know it. It’s going to be so absolutely okay.”

She doesn’t mean to tear up but she does, overwhelmed with love. “I’m glad she’s ours too.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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electronicyarn · 2 years ago

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Almost Live Blogging RWBY Vol. 9

Out of all the directions Volume 9 could have gone, I would have predicted none of it. Well, except the time dilation. Just in the wrong direction, I guess. So partial credit? But what did I think of this latest volume?

In my opinion, this volume is easily the best RWBY has ever been. Well worth the wait. The writing was consistently good to great. The art direction was terrific. The character beats were spot on. And the humor was…okay. (A big improvement.)

I suppose I should stop being coy. OH MY GOD! CANON BUMBLEBY! THEY SAID THE THING! THEY KISSED! HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP! CUE THE OFFICE MEME! OH MY GOD, IT’S HAPPENING! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!

I never, ever thought in a million years that they would actually have the stones to pull that trigger. Well credit where credit’s due. Honestly? I kind of feel like the dog who finally caught the car. I’ve got canon Bumbleby, but what do I do with it? I was planning on writing a short fic that takes place during Volume 9 where Yang and Blake confess. Now…I don’t have to? I was not prepared for this.

It actually took me about three times as long as that scene’s runtime to watch it. I kept having to pause and walk away because I saw what they were doing, and I didn’t believe it. I was trying to emotionally prepare for coming so close and being denied. In fact, allow me to reenact (in prose form) the very beginning of that scene for me.

Yang: “But how do we take the next step?”

Me: *eyes narrow*

Me: “No…. No way…. Impossible….”

Me: *pauses and walks away for ten minutes*

Now there’s so much else to talk about. I really, really liked Ruby’s character arc in this volume. I loved the flash back to Summer Rose. I like what they did with Jaune. I liked the cute, polite paper people desperately scheming to embrace the sweet release of death. But forget all that. I want to talk about Neo!

Neo is RWBY’s best character, easily. I’m pretty sure this Volume was her swan song, but I can’t bring myself to be disappointed. Nothing that good can last forever. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Things need to end before they’re milked to death and ruined, or the good idea trough runs dry. (See Star Wars/Trek. Please pick whichever one resonates with you more.)

Now before I saw Volume 9 I would’ve said that them having Neo speak would’ve been a mistake. Oh how wrong I was. Neo speaking through a Greek choir of departed friends? Glorious. Absolutely glorious. And then the cat. Oh the cat. The cat made one, fatal mistake. He messed with Neo. You never, ever mess with Neo. That’s how you get murdered. Instantly and horribly. When it happened I literally jumped up from my seat and shouted something to the effect of, “YOU F!@#ED WITH NEO, CAT! NOW YOU’RE DEAD!” Not language I typically use, by the way.

And Neo’s send off. Only Neo can stop Neo. And even that was an example of how good a character she is. Without saying a word, she said to Ruby, “Don’t forget that I thoroughly beat you.” Goodbye, Neo. Goodbye. You were the flame that burned twice as bright. As beautiful as you were deadly.

(Yes I know that a new Neo…uh…a neo Neo? Will likely appear in a future volume, but while she might be awesome, she won’t be the same. You just can’t top skipping through a field of death without a care in the world with the Relic she stole from Salem because she knows she’s going to get away with it.)

So yes. More RWBY please. Now. I know there’s been a lot of drama surrounding Rooster Teeth recently. I don’t know what any of it is nor do I care to because that’s not how I engage with media. So I guess I’ll have to say the little prayer I always say when a new RWBY volume comes out. Please oh please don’t mess this up.

…

Oh, and I’m pretty sure Team RWBY+J has met God? So…have fun with that theological can of worms, kids.

#RWBY #Live Blogging #Volume 9 #Spoilers

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sophieakatz · 1 year ago

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Thursday Thoughts: Pride Asks!

It may be August, but I’m a big believer in Pride Year, so today I’m going through the list of questions I found on this post and answering the ones I feel like thinking about!

(Turns out I felt like answering all thirty-four of them. Have fun!)

1. Which labels do you use?

I am greyromantic and demisexual! I also use aromantic and asexual, or aro-ace.

2. Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

I’m here, I’m queer! I understand why some people aren’t comfortable with reclaiming this word, but it works well for me. You can’t leave out the A when you call it a queer community.

3. Which pronouns do you use?

She/her

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

Yep!

5. Are you "out" publicly?

Yep!

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

I wish I’d known it was an option sooner. I couldn’t have come out before I knew about it, so I suppose it was the right time. But I wish I’d spent fewer years thinking there was something wrong with me.

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

No, but when I came out, I didn’t know that there were other queer people in my family.

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

My gender is “respect me!”

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

In middle school, I knew I wasn’t feeling the same thing that my peers were describing when they talked about crushes. But it was easy enough to dismiss it as just another thing that was different about me. I was already anosmic and autistic, and always the first Jewish kid that anyone had ever met. I assumed I was “straight but broken” for the longest time. I didn’t even really believe that I could be asexual the first time I heard the word, in college. I joined my school’s Feminist Union, and that’s where I learned that there are more options to sexuality than straight or gay, more options to gender than boy or girl, and that romantic and sexual attraction weren’t the same thing. I went on Tumblr and followed as many queer blogs as I could find – I was determined to learn everything I could about all the identities, so I could be the best ally ever! One day, I saw a post with the word “demisexual” in it, and I Googled it. I read the definition, and it clicked.

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

When people call me “sir” or “ma’am.”

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Technically You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson. I wish I could reach back through time and hand this book to my preteen self.

12. Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

“For Me” by Dearlie and “Never Been in Love” by Will Jay stand out. I’m not sure if it was intentional, but “Good Thing” by Zedd and Kehlani is SO aro.

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not?

Every word we use to describe ourselves has been used against us pejoratively. If I find a word works for me, I use it. If someone asks me not to use a word for them or around them, then I won’t use it for them or around them.

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

I’m Jewish, anosmic, and autistic. I understood from a very young age that there were things about me that made me different from other people, that other people wouldn’t be able to see right away. Once they realized that that difference existed, they would doubt me, question me, negatively judge me, and distance themselves from me. In a way, that all prepared me to realize and accept my asexuality and aromanticism.

I also give my parents a lot of credit for never putting any pressure on me to date when I was a kid or a teen. In hindsight, my childhood home was a very safe place to be aro-ace. Queerness wasn’t something we ever talked about, so it’s not like they encouraged me to explore, but they never discouraged it, either. When I first told my mom I thought I might have a crush on a girl, she immediately hugged me and told me she loved me, and that was the end of the conversation. I knew I could come to her and my dad with whatever new discovery I might make about myself.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

I went from “I have no idea” to “straight but broken” to “panromantic demisexual” to “greyromantic demisexual.”

16. Do you attend Pride in person every year?

No. I’d like to, but there’s a pandemic going on out there. And I live in Florida.

17. Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

I went to Orlando Pride once with my then-boyfriend. There was a big, colorful parade, I bought a demisexual pride flag, and someone gave me a pair of rainbow sunglasses that I wore til they broke.

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

I think that Orlando Pride I mentioned was my first Pride. I was twenty-four or so.

19. Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

Safe enough, and accepted enough, given that it’s Florida. I stay in the Disney bubble enough that I don’t feel the need to constantly look over my shoulder. I have a girlfriend I love and friends I adore. That said, while no one locally is actively out to hurt me, it’s rare that anyone besides my girlfriend and a few key friends is actively out to understand and support my queerness, either. I try to find other aros and aces to hang out with in person, but it’s hard.

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

I feel like I do. But I don’t think that they feel like I do.

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Everything about you – everything you feel, everything you experience – is just as good, just as valid, and just as important as anyone else.

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

These days mostly through TikToks.

23. Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

Game night!

24. Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I’m Jewish. Masorti/Conservative. Like I said before, being Jewish in a predominantly Christian area prepared me in a way for being aro and ace. People struggle to understand it in similar ways; people are nice to me until they learn about it in similar ways. My community is pretty chill about it. They know I’m queer. My girlfriend and I met at synagogue. It doesn’t come up much, really. They’re more interested in the fact that I’m a twenty-something in a congregation where everyone is either much older or much younger than me.

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

“Aces and aros aren’t LGBT!” “You’re not queer enough!” “You’re not oppressed enough!”

We have nothing to gain from shutting each other out, and everything to lose from perpetuating hate.

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

Partner is a great word! One of the ways my aromanticism shows up is in a fluctuating romance-repulsion. Sometimes I’m happy with romantic behaviors and ideas, and sometimes I’m really not okay with any of it! Right now, I’m calling my girlfriend my girlfriend, but sometimes that word doesn’t sit well with me. When we first announced our relationship on social media, I called her my “person.” I’m a big fan of having more words, more options, for how to describe the many ways our lives and relationships can be. “Partner” is great.

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

My person. My partner. My friend. Babe.

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

Great question! I experience both at times, rarely. I’m demisexual – I only experience sexual attraction towards someone after I have an emotional connection with that person – and I’m greyromantic – I sometimes experience romantic attraction to others, without a clear pattern to it. Gender has never been an important factor for me. I’ve been in love with he’s, she’s, and they’s, and it comes and goes the same either way!

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

My girlfriend and I have been a romantic couple for about three months. We were friends for about two years before that. I want to build a future together with someone, to make big life decisions together, to create a home together and have each other around for hugs whenever we need them.

But I feel fine when I don’t have that. Who I am when I’m in love and who I am when I’m not in love – it’s both me. I’m whole either way. But I know what I want.

30. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Not sure! I’ve never been in love with more than one person at a time, but I’m pretty sure I could be. I think it would be amazing to have more than one person you have that kind of understanding with and can count on like that. But I’m comfortable with monogamy. It’s not like my romantic partner is the only important person in my life; my family and friends are just as important.

31. Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else lgbt):

I don’t have any good pride pics right now, but I found this picrew I saved, like, two years ago:

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

I’m a writer, so have a poem instead:

I am yours to sit up with past midnight I am yours now to hold very near I am yours to give flowers and chocolates I am yours when I tell you my fears

I am yours when you soothe all my worries I am yours when you calm all my rants I am yours here beside you for always I am yours since you gave me the chance

I am yours when I tell you you’re silly I am yours when you tell me the same I am yours now to keep us both mindful I am yours in both sunshine and rain

I am yours when we meet in the morning I am yours when I tell you goodbye I am yours, though the allos will tell us That love without sex is a lie

Incidentally, I’m working on a book of Aromantic Asexual Love Poems. If you’ve read this far and you’re interested in beta-reading a queer poetry book, please reach out!

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

The freedom! The freedom to not know what’s going on with me, to be inconsistent, to figure out what’s best for me and my relationships, to build my future day by day by day. Recognizing my aromanticism and asexuality has opened so many doors for me and given me so much hope!

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

More people who are neither aro nor ace mentioning aro and ace people in queer contexts. We can’t be the only ones speaking up for ourselves. Y’all need to be positive and noisy about us, too. That’s how we know we’re safe with you.

#thursday thoughts #pride #pride asks #queer #aroace #aromantic #asexual #greyromantic #demisexual #coming out #poetry #queer community #aro #ace #aromanticism #asexuality #aro pride #ace pride #aroace pride

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hasufin · 2 years ago

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In the beginning...

I was just talking to my spouse this morning, and realized how utterly unhinged Silicon Valley culture was back before the bubble burst.

For context, I graduated with a degree in Computer Science in December of 2000. I worked for a large telecom for a year before I got laid off - things looked okay, looked like we’d weather the recession, but then 9/11 happened and my company laid off 20,000 tech workers mostly in one metropolitan area. But that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, it’s worthwhile to note that while I graduated with a degree in computer science, almost none of my professors had CS degrees themselves. These were mathematicians, electrical engineers, physicists, and one psychologist (best teacher in the department) who had been on the ground floor building the field. We were the first generation of computer science graduates.

That’s important, really, because at the time nobody had any real idea what we could do. Corporate America sort of knew something different was happening, but had no grasp of what. Now, on the one hand big companies are - and were especially so before the tech bubble - very stolid, cautious creatures. But they’re also unrelentingly greedy, and while they had no idea just what these tech kids could do, what they could tell was that we were making lots and lots of money.

This meant that the more adventurous of the investing types would throw money at any damned thing. They really had no idea what would, and would not, work. There was no metric on how much to invest in anything, an the corporate world had no idea what was easy and what was hard. Which meant that if you had the right pitch (or went on the mythical hike up Mt. Tamalpeis) you could get millions of dollars in venture capital for, well, damned near anything. Astute readers may note this has slowed down a little, but is still happening. (Personally I suspect that venture capitalists will recover from their tech-induced cashtigmatism sometime in the 2040s, when major decisions are being made by people who grew up with information technology and are confident enough in the subject to say “Wait, this violates the laws of thermodynamics, it can’t work” though that’s complicated by the reality that it’s perfectly possible to become filthy rich on vaporware if you’re clever enough to get out at the right time).

Anyway. They also had no idea what to do with this new generation of techies. They had no idea how to recruit them, how to motivate them, or how to retain them. What they did know what that these were all young, recent college graduates. The more savvy folks also knew (and, less wisely, believed) the narrative that all the innovation was happening in dorm rooms and late night sessions, not in classrooms - which was true, but reductive and failed to appreciate that the late night hacking happened because of the classroom learning, an attitude which still permeates the industry.

What many companies did, then, was try to recreate that kind of college environment. My own experience with this was ancillary, but one saw enough to give credence to it. Casual work environments became de rigeur, of course. Companies began providing perks on a previously unheard of scale. (Well, sort of. The benefits traditionally offered to corporate executive put all the tech companies to shame, bu those perks were for the rich and well-heeled, not the mere workers. Anyway. At one such place - and considered pretty restrained for the era - they had coolers of drinks free for the taking, an onsite chef to provide restaurant-quality meals for free - including to take home, which encouraged people to work late - onsite gym, movie theater, and video games, and even a weekly beer truck. Some of these have settled as normal, others less so.

Now, these weren’t really stupid, when you consider. What these perks did was encourage people to work longer hours (we were all salaried anyway) and discouraged those same hackers from developing the kind of personal lives which would distract them from their hyperfixation du jour. Moreover, these non-compensatory benefits could be withdrawn on a whim - if it’s not in the contract, it exists at the CEO’s pleasure. Which is precisely what happened during the recession when the tech bubble burst.

It’s also worth noting that many fortunes were made in that era, often by people whom you would not imagine could become rich so easily. Some, of course, became unspeakably wealthy - this was the era which spawned Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Jeff Bezos, to name a few. But also many rank and file workers ended up with several million dollars - I know of quite a few folks who had backgrounds not unlike mine, and ended up in the comfortable $10-20 million range (there’s a book, Microserfs, which introduces a characters as “the obligatory millionaire in our household”“).

Now, those fortunes are kind of an interesting phenomenon. At the time, many companies offered most of their compensation in stocks - you could be making $60,000 in cash, or you could get $40,000 in cash and $20,000 in stocks. Since those stocks were soaring, the latter option often came to an easy six figure salary. I knew many people at the time who were paying off their mortgage by selling stock. Which put them in quite a bit of a bind wen those stock prices tanked... But those whose stocks really took off, and who got out at the right time, ended up unexpectedly rich. The famed DNA Lounge of San Francisco exists for this reason, and numerous other odd, weird vanity projects in the Bay Area - yes, “Weird” requires money, and having an awful lot of people with money and no clear idea how to spend it does sometimes have a positive effect. But I also know a guy who lives in an aircraft hanger, surrounded by arcade games, TVs, and every other form of entertainment - a 50-year-old man living the dream of his 14-year-old self.

It was an interesting time. I just missed it, honestly. I suppose I could have dropped out of college my junior year, maybe I would have caught the wave, but I think I would not have fared particularly well.And I’m not sure I’d want to be the kind of person I’d have become if I had, either. But it certainly had a profound effect on the Bay Area, and will echo for decades to come.

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lovestuckyhatemarvel · 1 year ago

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CHAPTER 5. THE FLAYED. Sorry I just think that’s super dramatic.

1.) Why is that elevator so fast? The kids could have gotten this place shut down so fast just by going to OSHA.

2.) Erica and Dustin are worsties.

3.) They are so far underground. The logistics of getting that elevator built must have been a nightmare.

4.) The evil Russians can’t build elevators but they sure are good at building secret bases under houses.

5.) The subtitles have betrayed me and no longer translate Russian for me. Probably because Joyce and Hopper don’t speak Russian. So like it makes sense but I can still be annoyed because I’m nosy.

6.) Policeman have rules? Man, you really aren’t from around here, my dude.

7.) STOP SHOOTING A MACHINE GUN IN A CLOSED AREA, DIPSHIT.

8.) Joyce is bad at throwing but that Russian is worse at shooting. HOW MANY ROUNDS DID YOU SHOOT WITHOUT HITTING ANYTHING? And people say stormtroopers are bad, but they at least canonically weren’t actually trying to stop them. Pretty sure that dude actually was supposed to be stopping them.

9.) Nancy called Jonathan at 6 am to vague about Will being in danger, something no rational person would do, but it was done to be dramatic so they could cut to other characters.

10.) JOYCE AND HOPPER BICKERING IS SO BORING. SO FUCKING BORING.

11.) I love Max being sassy to Mike. Also excited for this to go from 4 groups to 3 groups.

12.) I missed part of Robin and Erica being sassy to each other because I was giving smooches to my cat on his widdle head. And now he’s cuddling with me. That’s not an update about the show but I feel it’s important.

13.) Steve stops the elevator door with a truly impressive move.

14.) Dustin got called roast beef.

15.) I don’t care about evil Russian guy who looks like if you ordered Arnold Scwarzenegger from Wish.

16.) OHH MY GODDDDDDDD. WHY DID THE DUFFERS HAVE JOYCE AND HOPPER BE SO INSUFFERABLE AROUND EACH OTHER THIS SEASON?

17.) I forgot that they carjack a guy named Todd and it is the Toddfather car.

18.) Steve figures out the potential upside down connection about the same time that Dustin does.

19.) I love that El just breaks into so many places.

20.) Their plan is to use an 80 year old woman like a tracking dog.

21.) I forgot they take Alexei to Murray.

22.) I love Joyce.

23.) I love Robin believing Erica about the comma room immediately while Dustin is like ‘that could be anything’.

24.) It is very funny that the only time Steve wins a fight is against a Russian soldier while in an adorable sailor outfit.

25.) Robin discovers the portal.

26.) I hate that they have Jonathan say he was 100% wrong. He kind of wasn’t wrong. The real enemy is capitalism, btw. The patriarchy too. That being said, “I’m a woman and I want to do this so you’re not allowed to be mad about losing a job you desperately need because your financial situation is completely different than mine” is not a feminist take, actually. Like Nancy has her own phone in her room. She has her own TV. Her mom is a stay at home mom. She doesn’t have to worry about how she’s going to pay for college or if she has connections for a job because she has both. She can even blow off a job in the summer before her her senior year because it’s not that important. Jonathan doesn’t have any of those luxuries.

Like yes, Nancy was right about this case and she was right to pursue it, but Jonathan wasn’t wrong to want to drop a case that looked like nonsense to keep a job he needed. Or at least not rock the boat with it. It was also just kind of naive that Nancy thought that there was an amount that would make a bunch of sexist men who saw her as a couple years away from being worth fucking to see her as a professional. There literally wasn’t. They didn’t ask for proof, they asked for her to shut he fuck up and get them coffee.

27.) I love Lucas being the one to notice a moment to actually talk to El. Dustin may think he’s the smartest child out of the boys, but it’s actually Lucas.

28.) I forgot that they get chased.

29.) The flirting going back and forth between carnage in the hospital while Nancy and Jonathan run for their lives is something.

30.) so many people get choked this season.

31.) Jonathan gets his ass beat this season.

32.) For every time that ugly man disrespects Nancy Drew, he owes me 20 dollars, so he owes me a lot.

33.) I think they just killed like 1/5 of the papers staff at least. Do either of them get to have a moment to reckon with the fact that they killed two human beings?

34.) The bodies melted into bad CGI that is STILL DISGUSTING.

35.) Have you heard of a meet cute and a meet ugly? Now in season 3 episode 5, you can see a meet disgusting where two blobs come together to form into a mini mind flayer.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #s3e5 #stranger things s3e5

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felinefractious · 6 months ago

Note

To be interested in a particular breed and purchasing from a reputable breeder is not the same as looking for a “perfect” pet.

It is not treating animals as a “product” to desire a particular temperament, trait or health screening anymore than it’s treating adoptable cats as products to look for a particular age, trait, sex, color or the many other criteria adopters often consider.

I can and will argue, on a practical level, that reputable breeders and those who purchase from them are not taking away homes from shelter cats. Perhaps the individual would adopt if their purebred of choice wasn’t available and perhaps they would not, but as stated before their home is not owed to any individual animal.

Their home is not already “spoken for” by a shelter pet and a purebred cat is not taking away a home that rightfully belongs to the rescue cat because it does not belong to them. The only time a home is owed to a particular animal is when the people who reside there make the decision to take on the commitment of said animal.

The previous addition has a very good point.

After my 18 year old cat passed I wanted to adopt another older cat. I consider his later years to be some of the best I’d spent with him and I wanted to give that to another senior.

A 7 year old caught my eye, mature but not quite senior… still in the less adoptable age range, though. I won’t go into details but despite being approved the rescue gave me the runaround and wasn’t being communicative.

I saw a different cat available for adoption through a different organization during this time and decided to meet him. He was estimated at 2.5 years which… is younger than I had planned to adopt, yes, but was still an adult. Just a young adult.

I specifically did not want a kitten because I was not confident I could keep up with their energy and keep them entertained.

The rescue appeared to have estimated the age very incorrectly, though… based on his weight at adoption, growth rate and quality of his teeth he was probably closer to 9 months when I brought him home.

It showed.

Even now he is all over the place, he doesn’t stop moving and he gets into everything. I do not have a single space in my living area that is solely mine and off limits to him, gradually I had to make more and more spaces cat safe because he would get into them one way or another.

I love him to pieces and wouldn’t trade him for anything but if someone else adopted him in a similar situation… they very well may have returned them, which I couldn’t fault them for. He is a tremendous handful and someone looking for an adult or senior cat may not be equipped to handle his behavior due to space, amount of time at work, or other factors.

If I had purchased a cat from a breeder they would have definitively known the cats age, though, and the activity level would be more predictable. If I purchased a retired British Shorthair stud, for example, I could be confident that I was getting a mellow cat of the advertised age.

Your average shelter cat absolutely can differ greatly from your pedigree cat in a variety of ways. I feel like people who believe otherwise lack personal experience with pedigree cats. Due to my work I encounter them frequently and I assure you the difference is clear.

As for vanity… I’m not sure where you got that from. The majority of people looking for a purebred are looking for a pet, for a family member - the same thing that people looking to adopt want. A companion.

Sure, there are people who want a pedigree cat for other reasons but a reputable breeder - and that’s all I’m discussing here, I’m sure we’re in agreement about backyard breeders - won’t sell a cat to an unfit home. This includes a home that desires a status symbol and not a pet.

Honestly I feel like the opposite can be considered true to a degree, as people with adopted or rescue cats often seem to need their cat to be something special. They can’t accept their cat is a Domestic Longhair he must be part Maine Coon. They can’t just have a Domestic Shorthair it has to be a Russian Blue, and G-d help you if you try to tell them otherwise!

hi, you say you put links relating to health issues common with certain breeds, why do Persians, Exotic & British Shorthairs, other flat-faced breeds not have one? maybe I'm wrong but I thought they're pretty well known to have breathing and oral problems? /genq

There are different grades of brachycephaly and moderate - severe is generally where we see significant issues.

An appropriately bred British Shorthair (and similar breeds) shouldn’t present with a degree worse than mild… although unfortunately there are breeders who breed for extremes or overlook them in pursuit of a different desireable trait (looking at you dominant blue eye).

But the reason I don’t include a link to relevant cats is because I didn’t feel comfortable deciding where the line was for me to include a link.

This British Shorthair [source] has a nice muzzle length and well-balanced features. I wouldn’t say it’s much more severe than this Ragdoll [source].

Or what about breeds that aren’t brachycephalic per their standard, like the Devon Rex [source] but some breeders [source] are selecting for that extreme type anyways?

With the other breeds the issue is universally relevant, there is no room for me to make a decision on which individuals to mention it om and which deserve a pass.

Brachycephaly is horrible and those who breed these sickly cats are rotten but it’s an issue that can be worked out with ethical breeding. We can breed for longer muzzles and retain other breed traits.

The same can’t be said for the sebaceous cysts in Lykoi which are directly due to the abnormal formation of their skin responsible for the signature werewolf look. The same can’t be said for the Scottish Fold whose folded ears are exclusively caused by defective, weakened cartilage that effects their entire body not just the ears.

#not colors #adoptshop tag

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ditloe · 2 years ago

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1/365

January 1, 2023

New year new me, right? I want to give this journaling thing a try and freely empty out my brain every single day. I also want to include a photo to these daily journals just to add some color. I’m honestly pretty forgetful so having this journal should be helpful in the long run if I ever want to reminisce some days again.

This year I was able to spend New Year’s Eve with my friends! Won’t really go into much detail about the night of NYE because that wasn’t the first of the year. As soon as it hit 12, we all got up to greet one another and give our SO’s kisses. I called my family and Chris’s family to greet them. Everyone seemed to feel pretty pooped afterwards and I remember Priya and Rootvij leaving early. Then soon after Betty and Mitch left, then Christian and Mandy. I believe Sartaj, Angelica, Chris and I left at the same time around 3ish which was really late (but what can you expect from a NYE party. The party overall was awesome. The food was phenomenal (kimchi mac & cheese, eggrolls, fried shrimp balls, stuffed mushrooms, meatballs, veggie platter, Betty’s pasta (which I couldn’t try sadly), and other foods I believe...). Chris and I got home and showered up instantly so we could get cozy. I had a headache that night but chose not to do anything about it and regretted that so much in the morning. I kept waking up and my headache was still there. I finally decided to take some Excedrin and use the nasal spray and that definitely helped. Chris and I got up at around 11:30 and I was instantly greeted by my brother and Kiko who came by to drop off some food for the family dinner later in the evening.

I recently got my septum pierced and am very happy with it but of course, my parents were not huge fans. My mom saw it first before my dad or grandma and she kind of scoffed at the sight of it and probably does not approve of it but she maybe has learned that she can’t really do much about it. So, when I got up to see my brother and Kiko, I didn’t try to hide the piercing and my dad saw it instantly. He literally said “Fuck” and moments later called me ugly. I didn’t bother to react to what he said and chose to not acknowledge his comment. Definitely not the best way to start the new year but I wasn’t going to let his comment faze me.

Chris and I got ready and headed over to Mya’s to chill and also pick up the folding tables from last night. We all decided to go out and get some doggy supplies for Shumai and also Kona. We went to PetSmart and Target and was able to find everything we needed (minus the collapsible doggy bowls for Shumai). We had to go back to Mya’s because Sartaj and Angelica were waiting for us. They got us Yi Fang, but I didn’t order anything because I wasn’t really craving anything. Once we got to Mya’s, Chris and I had to go back to my house for the family dinner. We got to my place and began cooking the alfredo pasta. It came out delicious! The other food choices were prime rib, Bicol express, mac salad, and lots of desserts. I definitely ate a good amount of food and was satisfied instantly. I got to hold Caeleb for a while before he started crying lol. We then went back to Mya’s house to finish the night with a movie and the friends. They were actually in the middle of watching a movie called “X” and so we joined them. I was definitely not expecting the movie to be so disturbing.

Notes about movie: group of people, sexual, religion, two old folks, grandma creepy af, couple starts killing members of the group, brunette flees

It was fascinating but weird. Once the movie was over, we all chilled a little more and then we all headed home around 9:30.

I went to pick up some Tupperware from my brother’s house and then went home right after. I didn’t expect myself to come home and walk on the treadmill. I was really determined to start off the new year with some movement. I was able to do 5k steps which was definitely better than nothing. Then I just watched some episodes of You (late to the game I know). I did my entire night routine and was in bed by 1am. I would’ve loved to be in bed earlier, but I accomplished a lot, so I was not that upset.

Overall, the first day of 2023 was good! I’m going to do my best to be the best version of myself this year and really focus on my happiness. I have a good feeling it will be a great year and I’m determined to make it happen.

(I tried to journal by hand and realized I can’t write as many words as I would like because my hand cramps way too fast, so a digital journal is the best option for me)

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forestlingincorporated · 3 years ago

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S’chn T’gai Family Notes

• Sybok was born in 2224, according to the Star Trek Chronology (2nd ed.) and the Star Trek Encyclopedia (4th ed.; vol. 2).

• Michael Burnham was born in 2226, on Earth.

• Spock was born January 6, 2230, on Vulcan, in ShiKahr.

This makes Sybok 2 years older than Michael, and 6 years older than Spock. It also makes Michael 4 years older than Spock.

(Leonard McCoy was born in 2227, making him 3 years older than Spock, and 1 year younger than Michael. James Kirk wasn’t born until March 22, 2233, making him 3 years younger than Spock, and 6 years younger than McCoy.)

From the Inside Star Trek phonograph album, Spock was not the first vulcan/human hybrid, but he was the first to survive. Earth-Vulcan conception will abort during the end of the first month. The fetus is unable to continue life once it begins to develop its primary organs. Spock was removed from Amanda's body as his organs began development and placed in a test tube for two Earth months, as physicians performed delicate chemical engineering and introduced over a hundred subtle changes. After that, Spock was returned to Amanda's womb. At the ninth Earth month, Spock was again removed from Amanda, prematurely by Vulcan standards, and spent the following four months of a Vulcan term pregnancy in a specially designed incubator. This was the first time this particular procedure was attempted, and was entirely experimental. Baby Spock proved surprisingly resilient.

(Enterprise would later introduce the binary clone, Elizabeth, who would be the first vulcan/human hybrid, who passed away not long after her birth. Elizabeth was born 2155, 75 years before Spock was born.)

Michael’s biological parents, Mike and Gabrielle, were attacked by Klingons in 2236, after which point Michael was put in the care of her foster parents, Sarek and Amanda. Since Michael is shown spending her 10th birthday on Vulcan, this makes Michael 9 (going on 10 that year) upon being fostered. Spock would be 6, and Sybok would be 12. Sybok was raised by his mother until her death. Since we never see Sybok in the Discovery flashbacks, we can only assume Sybok was still living with his mother. We see Michael’s childhood up to age 11, so it can be assumed Sybok did not join the family until he was at least 13; while we still don’t see Sybok when Michael is 19, it can be assumed Sybok was either away for his own studies or already banished; banishment would explain why no one talks about him.

Sybok’s mother was originally described as a “Vulcan princess.” In the novelization of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, she was given the name T’Rea, and referenced as a Vulcan priestess instead. In the book Sarek, she was referenced again by the name T’Rea, and given the title “reldai,” translated as an archaic vulcan term meaning both "female religious leader" and "female ruler or princess," in order to conflate both translations. “Priestess” appears to be the more correct term, as Vulcan does not appear to have a monarchy and she is described as being Sarek’s original childhood bondmate who annulled their bond in order to become a kolinahr adept, and later High Master. Sarek’s first “wife” is considered to (presumably) be Amanda, as she is said to be from Earth, so it would appear Sarek and T’Rea were never fully married, as Spock and T’Pring were never fully married.

The novelization also explains that Sybok was banished from Vulcan for violating the mind of a Watcher in the Hall of Ancient Thought in order to locate the receptacle of his mother's katra and meld with it to discover the location of Sha Ka Ree, which T’Rea had raised Sybok to believe in.

• Soon after arriving on Vulcan, Logic Extremists (a small Vulcan extremists group claiming to represent "true Vulcan ideology" and valuing logic above all, who regarded humans to be inferior and more heavily opposed human involvement in Vulcan culture than the average vulcan, who saw the extremists as fanatics) bombed the Vulcan Learning Center. This resulted in Michael Burnham dying for three minutes, before being revived by Sarek melding with her and leaving part of his katra inside her mind. Michael believed she, a human child living and learning among vulcans, was the target, however, Spock believes he was most likely the intended target, as the “half human abomination” in the household. It is likely that Spock is correct, as it seems Amanda, also fully human, was not targeted.

( If the vulcan extremists’ intended target was Spock, then a comparison (or even loose connection) might be made to Terra Prime, the extremist xenophobic terrorist organization dedicated to the expulsion of all non-Humans from Earth and the Sol system, who used vulcan/human hybridization as a fear tactic in Enterprise. )

Fearing for her adoptive family’s lives, Michael tries to run away from home, when she is initially stopped by a very young Spock, who pleads with her to stay. In her fear for their safety, Michael pushes Spock away by calling him a freak and a “weird little half breed,” and telling him he’s not capable of love. This moment causes a rift between the previously close siblings, leading Spock to choose to close himself off and fully commit to logic at a very young age. Michael tries to repair their relationship, but Spock is unreceptive until adulthood. Michael and Spock can only be about 10 and 6 respectively when this fight occurs.

• Spock is dyslexic, which is called L'tak Terai on vulcan.

• Spock is espoused to T’Pring at the age of 7. This is the same year he partakes in his kahs-wan.

The kahs-wan, or Vulcan maturity test, was a traditional survival test of adulthood for adolescent Vulcans. The basis for the kahs-wan was to survive ten days without food, water, or weapons in Vulcan's Forge.

In the animated series, Spock decided to take the kahs-wan early. His pet sehlat, I-Chaya, insisted on accompanying him, despite young Spock's orders. I-Chaya and Spock from the future end up having to save Spock from a le-matya attack, but I-Chaya had to be euthanized afterwards due to receiving a fatal wound from the le-matya’s poisonous claws.

• Solkar was the first Vulcan ambassador to Earth, and father of Skon. Skon is implied to be an ambassador (and would have been confirmed one if the fifth season of Enterprise was ever produced), translated the Teachings of Surak into English, and father of Sarek. Sarek is also an ambassador and is, of course, the father of Spock and Sybok.

• In the animated series, Spock goes back in time to save his younger self, and claims to be Sarek’s cousin by the name of Selek, son of T’Pel and Sasak. It is unclear if these are real relatives of Sarek’s, or if they’re fake and the S’chn T’gai family is so big Sarek can’t keep track of them all.

• Spock claims Arthur Conan Doyle is an ancestor of his. It can only be assumed this is on Amanda’s side.

#spock #michael burnham #sybok #sarek #amanda grayson #star trek #just a collection of notes i've taken

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book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure · 4 years ago

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A Stark and her Soldier ~ Part 1

Imagine: Reuniting with Bucky when you end up helping Sam with the Flag Smashers.

Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS! This takes place during the first two episodes of the show.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’M BACK (with a new header lol)!!! AHHHHHHHH! It’s been nearly two years but here I am… posting this makes me SO nervous, so feedback would be highly appreciated! More parts and some information about what I’m planning with this blog to follow soon!

“You held us together – do it for them,” he paused before adding, “Promise me you’ll do it for them.”

You blinked away the tears, knowing what was coming, “I can’t promise that...”

“Y/N please,” the way he begged you with that shaking voice was nearly enough to push you over the edge.

“I-I promise.” He squeezed your hand before letting you leave.

“You’ve reached James Barnes, sorry I couldn’t take your call, please –” you hung up before the recorded message could continue, face burning with frustration. This was the 9th time you had tried calling him this week, not to mention the countless text messages.

You scoffed thinking of Steve’s last words to you, how were you supposed to hold them together when you barely held yourself together on a good day? It doesn’t make it any easier when the person you’re supposed to be holding together is so keen on letting himself fall apart.

Every time you tried calling him, you ended up feeling furious, miserable, or like an absolute failure – usually all three. You promised Steve, you promised, and you failed. You groaned and chucked your phone across your bed.

The last time you had seen him, Steve had still been around, and you hadn’t even spoken to him since Tony’s funeral.

You and Pepper had walked to the lake, each holding one of Morgan’s hands, and you had sat at the dock watching the arc reactor – his heart – float away, the people behind you forgotten in your grief. The weight on your heart was unbelievable, you had already lost your best friend, Natasha, and now your brother was gone.

You promised him that you wouldn’t cry at his funeral – he always knew it was inevitable – and so you sat there, sending him away with a pained smile.

You had no idea how long you had just sat there, staring at the horizon across the lake, trying to make this last moment with your brother last forever.

“Y/N?” You felt a hand squeezing your shoulder, “You should come back inside.”

“What happens now, Steve?” Your voice was softer than he had ever heard before.

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together,” he paused for a moment before gesturing to Bucky, waiting outside the house behind him, “He wants to talk to you.”

You gave Bucky a small smile, “Hey.”

He walked over and dropped down next to you, Steve leaving the two of you to chat, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” You nodded solemnly.

He added, “For everything, Y/N… he probably wouldn’t even have wanted me here, but –”

You shook your head and took his hand, heart fluttering at the contact. You had always been attracted to him, and it had only grown with every interaction. “That wasn’t you.”

You knew your brother never blamed Bucky, you all knew how it felt to have people mess with your heads and Bucky had had the worst of it. He was furious at Steve for years, but never at Bucky – you could never bring yourself to be angry with either of them, not after the stories you grew up with. Your father had adored the soldiers and you had been one of their biggest fans, and later one of Steve’s closest friends.

There had come a point after the battle between Tony and Steve when you had become sick of all the back and forth. You were lucky enough to find an escape when T’Challa got in touch with you, offering you a chance to come to Wakanda and learn about their technology – you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were the one who contacted him to beg for it. You hadn’t known that Bucky was already there. Slowly but surely, the two of you found comfort in one another and became good friends.

He gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “You should head inside, it’s getting late – I’ll see you again soon.”

He stayed true to that statement, the two of you stood with Sam and Bruce, waiting for Steve to come back after returning the stones – only to have him shatter your hearts.

You only saw Bucky in passing after that, occasionally visiting Steve at the same time – you never said a word to him, beyond a smile or a wave, and then you stopped seeing him all together. You tried, for the sake of your promise to Steve, but he never answered your calls or texts.

“We’ll figure it out together, right, thanks a lot Steve,” You muttered.

You jumped at the sound of your phone ringing, and your shoulders sank a bit when you saw Sam’s name flashing across the screen, “Hey.”

“He’s doing an interview,” You knew exactly who Sam was talking about, “Good Morning America.”

Your stomach turned, “That’s the last thing I want to see.”

“I know, I just thought I’d share my joy with someone,” Sam chuckled, “Any luck with Bucky?”

“I’m just wasting my time at this point,” You could feel the tears returning to your eyes as you said it.

“Hey, come on now, he’ll come around, he just needs some time.”

“Right…”

“Listen, I called because we have a lead, wanna join?”

“Please.”

“I hate it, his stupid face plastered on every wall, it feels like he’s mocking us.”

“Don’t you start, Y/N.”

“Seriously Sam, I get that he’s the new Cap – the fake Cap, but don’t you think that this,” You gestured to the posters around you, “is excessive?”

“It-”

“Shouldn’t have given up the shield.” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice and your face heated up with anger, you hadn’t realized it was possible to feel such contrasting emotions at the same time, but here you were. You noted that his voice was a bit hoarse and wondered if he had been sick.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”

“This is wrong.”

“So is pushing away everyone who cares about you.” He finally looked at you and you saw shame glistening in those steel blue eyes.

He said nothing before turning back to Sam, “You didn’t know that was gonna happen?”

Wow, ignoring your calls was one thing, but outright ignoring you while you stood in front of him, that caused a different kind of hurt.

You stood in silence as Sam explained where the two of you were headed, trying to push away the pounding in your head, and suddenly, you found yourself in a jet sitting next to Bucky.

“You could have answered, even once. Could’ve at least let me know that you were still alive.”

“I know,” Was all he said.

“We were friends once,” Nothing, “and I still care for you.”

“I know.”

“Four months, a full four months and I didn’t hear a single word from you, I’m going to need more than ‘I know’.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

You could tell that he meant it and didn’t know what more to say, so you got up and headed towards the open door of the plane, “I’ll catch you boys on the ground.”

You watched Sam follow, and considered helping Bucky as he fell through the trees, but you decided against it. He hurt your feelings and now you could call it even.

Super soldiers? How on earth were there more super soldiers?! You didn’t have much time to ponder on the thought as you got kicked in the face by one of them and fell off the semi – definitely should have let Tony make you a helmet like he insisted.

You flew back up only to see him dropping out of a helicopter, Fake Cap, fuck.

“Looks like you guys could use some help,” Your blood boiled at the sight of his cocky grin.

You weren’t winning, and you weren’t stupid enough to continue trying, let Steve’s knock-off take care of it.

You flew off just in time to see Bucky lying on top of Sam, the latter groaned in displeasure.

“Hey, can you gentlemen save the PDA for later?” You joked, earning a glare from both of them.

With the adrenaline slowly draining from your system, the pain from the blows you took started to set in, making you dread the trek in front of you. As if on cue, you heard a horn honking and Fake Cap pulled up next to you, “It’s 20 miles to the airport, you guys need a ride.”

“I think we’re good,” You simply stated.

“You won’t make it with that limp.”

You gave him a crude smile, “I’d rather crawl.”

They stopped and opened the door, you exchanged a look with Sam and Bucky, silently deciding to join them.

You sat between Bucky and Sam, and felt the anger and disgust radiating off of both of them with every word that was exchanged.

“Y/N Stark,” You despised the way he said your last name, like he wanted to devour you, “You are one of the original seven, I trust you know the importance of having a strong team. I’d suggest giving a word or two of advice to your friends here.”

“Did you really just compare being on a team with you two, to being on a team with the Avengers?” You glowered at him, “A word of advice Walker, you’re not Steve, you might be holding that shield, but you will never be half the Captain America that he was. So quit fucking pretending.”

“I didn’t realize Stark’s sister had such a mouth on her,” He smirked, he knew exactly what he was doing and as much as you hated to admit it, it was working, “Vicious.”

“Go to hell.”

The ride didn’t last very long after that, and you had no complaints when Bucky demanded them to stop the car.

You opened your eyes and rolled over to see Sam still asleep on the seats across from you, and Bucky was sitting on the large crate in the middle of the jet, “Not tired?”

“Nah,” He shook his head.

You pushed yourself to your feet and hopped up next to him, “You’d think they’d make those seats a bit more comfortable considering the amount of time we spend on these things.”

He chuckled and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence. After a considerable pause he turned to you, “Y/N, I meant what I said earlier, I’m sorry.”

The dark bags under his eyes were a stark contrast from the beautiful blue that you were looking into, which you noted which had lost its luster. You noticed that his voice still had a bit of that hoarseness from earlier in the day, and the dots connected. You remembered how hoarse your voice used to get when you’d wake up screaming from the nightmares after particularly rough missions. You understood why he was awake, he didn’t want you and Sam to see him like that.

You nodded, “I know, I just wish – I was worried sick about you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you Buck, but we were good friends once and I miss you.”

“I wanted to call, it’s just been tough,” He admitted, and you reached over to take his hand, only to quickly pull away as Sam woke up.

“You two okay?”

“Yeah,” You both said. You wondered if Bucky’s super soldier ability allowed him to hear the way your heartbeat picked up from that brief touch.

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute, you had barely kept the tears in listening to Isaiah’s story, both out of anger and sadness. How? How did this happen? How was this man tortured, then brushed under the rug? How did no one know about it? Why the hell did Bucky keep this from you?

Sam mirrored your pained expression, but something darker lurked beneath his eyes, you couldn’t even imagine the rage he felt. The sound of a police siren pulled you out of your thoughts.

Your anger only grew at the argument that ensued, “I am calm, what do you want? We’re just standing here talking.”

“Just give him your ID,” You glared at Bucky as the words left his mouth.

“Why the hell should he? He didn’t do anything wrong!” You growled, at the same time Sam said, “I’m not giving him shit, we were just talking.”

“Hey, hey, look, is this guy bothering you?” The officer asked you and Bucky. Your eyes widened, he can’t be serious right now.

“No, he’s not bothering us, do you know who this is?!”

You couldn’t even stand to look at the guy as his jaw dropped in shock upon realizing who Sam was, you felt your body shake with anger, and you didn’t even want to think what would have happened if Sam hadn’t been an Avenger.

The officer returned from his vehicle and turned the tables, announcing that there was a warrant out for Bucky’s arrest.

Watching him being handcuffed and put into the car shattered your heart, if the events of the day hadn’t already left you feeling nauseous, you knew this would be the nail in the coffin. All you could see was Bucky on his knees with a gun to his head nearly seven year ago when Steve barely prevented T’Challa from killing him and the four of you had been arrested – Tony had been furious with you, but it was the shame in Bucky’s eyes that had hurt you the most, and here you were, witnessing it again.

You reached over a grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed as hard as you could, desperate for a lifeline to keep you from sinking into those painful memories.

You maintained that same grip on the poor man’s hand as you sat at the police station waiting for Bucky to be bailed out, “Sam, Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you two, I’m Dr. Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

The two of you shook her hand and Sam thanked her for getting Bucky out.

“That was not me –”

“Christina!” You’d recognize that voice anywhere from the way it made your skin crawl, fuck, “Good to see you again.”

You clenched your jaw to keep yourself from punching the stupid grin off of his face as he pointed to himself when Dr. Raynor asked him who authorized Bucky’s release. You knew you had a problem with constantly wanting to punch people in the face, it was a trait that ran in the family, but Walker’s face was definitely one of the most punchable ones you had seen – a good ol’ pop in the jaw wouldn’t hurt, right? Just one?

“He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up –”

That was it, that was all you were willing to hear, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting in his face and hissing, “Call him that again, and I swear to god Walker, I –”

Sam put his arm around you, hand pressed to your stomach and pulled you back, “Y/N.”

Walker simply smirked and turned back to Raynor, “Do what you have to do and send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I, you too Wilson, and bring your guard dog with you.”

It took everything in your power to keep from snarling at him.

“James, condition of your release, session now,” The doctor ordered, “You two as well.”

“I’m good, I’ve been to enough therapy,” You shook your head, at the same time Sam said, “That’s okay, I’ll be out here with –”

“That wasn’t a request,” You couldn’t help but chuckle, and decided that you liked this woman.

You and Sam sat on either side of Bucky, facing Dr. Raynor as she got started. You couldn’t help but notice the way Bucky’s eyes shifted and jaw clenched as Sam tried to weasel his way out of the session, and your chest tightened. He looked so tired, and not just the ‘hasn’t slept in a few days’ tired, but more like he was tired of trying – he looked broken.

You decided in that moment that you would try, and not just for Steve, but for the man next to you who had held a piece of your heart before he even knew you, and managed steal that piece away when you had met him years later.

You realized how hard you’d have try when Bucky answered Dr. Raynor’s question with, “In my miracle, he would talk less.”

“Exactly what I was gonna say, isn’t that ironic?” You sighed, so hard.

She turned to you, mimicking the expression on your face, “Y/N, can I trust you to give me a proper answer?”

Try, Y/N, try. You saw a glimmer of hope in Raynor’s eyes as they met yours, but you simply shrugged and looked away, unable to bring yourself to open up, and she let her shoulders fall slightly.

“You guys are leaving me with no choice. It’s time for the soul-gazing exercise. Y/N, you can sit this one out, you get along with both of them well enough.”

You rolled your eyes at the reactions from the boys, this’ll be good. You couldn’t help but chuckle as they got closer to one another, maybe I should have taken part in this exercise. They made eye contact and continued to hold it, you realized what they were doing moments before the doctor did and let out a genuine laugh – earning a glare from Raynor, don’t encourage them she seemed to say.

“James, why does Sam aggravate you? And don’t say something childish.” Your head filled with a hundred different ideas about what stupid things Bucky would come up with, only to have them fizzle away at his cheeky grin towards the doctor, followed by the lick of his lip. It left your throat dry. Snap out of it, Y/N, what’s gotten into you?

He paused for a moment, his expression changing, and turned back to Sam, “Why’d you give of that shield?”

You held your breath, you knew this was going to come up, but weren’t expecting it here. You couldn’t take your eyes off of Bucky, noticing every change in his face, it becoming more pained with every word that left his mouth, and your chest tightening alongside it, until finally, “So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.”

The break in his voice cracked your heart into a million pieces. You looked up, trying to keep the tears swimming in your eyes from falling. You turned your attention towards Sam and noticed the emotion behind his glassy eyes – it was different than anything you had seen in him before, it was almost as though you could see the burden he was carrying on his shoulders, the pressure that was pushing him in every direction.

I have to fix this, you told yourself, you couldn’t stand to see them like this, I have to try.

Your mind was roaring with thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed that Sam and Bucky had left until Raynor asked, “What would be in your miracle, Y/N?”

You snapped your head towards her, then to the door, you weighed your options and headed towards the latter. You grabbed the handle and stopped, without turning towards her you whispered, “I’d find a home again, and they’d find some happiness.”

You pulled the door open, “Y/N, I don’t think those two things have to be separate.”

Her words swam in your head until you found Bucky and Sam walking outside, Walker and Hoskins storming off in the other direction.

“What’s that all about?”

“Walker being Walker,” Sam shrugged.

“So, what now?”

“Bucky wants to talk to Zemo,” Every memory that you spent years trying to forget came flooding back: Zemo using those words to turn Bucky into the Winter Soldier, who then proceeded to trash the compound and nearly kill you and your friends; watching your family fight each other at the airport and being forced to pick a side; watching the footage of your parents dying; desperately begging your brother and the man who had become your brother not to kill one another.

“You what?!” You gasped.

“Y/N –”

You stepped between the two of them, close enough to Bucky that you had to tilt your head up to look into his eyes, and whispered, “Bucky, no.”

“This might be our only lead, Y/N,” You stared up at him, silently pleading him, he reflected the same in his own, “Please Y/N.”

He took your hand and you instantly melted, “I – fine, but promise me you will be careful.”

“I promise.”

End.

Read Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 and Part 6

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coollemonsaresour · 4 years ago

Text

The Love That Don't Stop

Pairing: Steve Rogers x daughter reader, Steve Roger x Natasha Romanoff. Warnings: Child abandonment, angst, fluff

Summary: It is Y/n's birthday, and she gets an unexpected present.

Word count: 2632

Request: @maximeevansblog ; The reader (me ) is the daughter of Steve rogenrs and its the readers birtday, and he takes her to the nail en hair salon , and they come back, and in the tower, they have a suprise party for her, and natasha comes with adoption papers and, he wants to her mom and a lotts of fluff thanks, and if its ready you tag me right ( natasha and Steve are dating) thanks. And if its ready you tag me right thanks

Request: Anonymous; can you do a Natasha x black!child!reader? I really liked your other fic. You don't have to if you don't want to.

A/n: I made lots of changes, cause when I went to go post it two weeks ago, my fics were two similar to the other two. The highlighted words are in realtion to the person that requested. Because I wanted to incorporate them into the fic 🙃

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, BeEeee- you were starting to get agitated, and brought your fist down on your alarm clock, smashing it to pieces. But hey, it’s not your fault, you got your father’s enhancements through genetics, just the perks of being a Rogers.

Still in bed, you let out a yawn, and you began to stretch; mid-stretch that is when it had clicked.

It’s My Birthday.

And that’s when you smelled it. The sweet smell of a birthday tradition you and your dad have had for the past nine years of your life.

One day you showed your dad Steven Universe, and it happened to be the together breakfast episode. So ever since then, every morning of your birthday, you and your dad sit down together and have Together Breakfast.

As soon as you got out of the shower, you threw on some clothes and dash to the Kitchen. As soon as you enter you were met by a horrible sight. Your dad and a redhead kissing.

Nat and your dad have been friends since he had come out of the ice, a became even closer when you were born. Nat was like a mom to you, but you never would say that out loud, cause you didn’t want to make it wired or have her feel uncomfortable.

Your mom was never in the picture, she left you and your dad five days after you were born. Steve had no idea of how to raise a kid, he was completely lost, but then Nat had offered to help him out. The pair worked as such a great team people often thought that they were actually a couple. After years of a long, long sturdy friendship, your dad finally asked the assassin out. So basically they have been dating for about two and a half years now.

“Ew, gross,” you said, dramatically shielding your face from the sight. “ Good Morning Y/n, happy birthday,” they both said. “Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable,” you said as you sat down at the island stools. “You mean this public display of affection?” he said with a smirk and then pulled Nat in for another kiss. You then shield your face away and then began gagging and reaching.

“So it is….10:30,” you said looking around “Where’s Together Breakfast?” you said whining. “It’s right here you big baby,” Nat said teasing.

“ Cheers to fifteen years of chaotic life,” you said holding up a fork “Cheers!” they said, you each then taking a bite.

“So, Y/n, anything special on thing on the agenda today,” Nat said wriggling her eyebrows. “Not really, I was hoping that we could just go to the spa, then the salon, and just have a chill day.” You said taking another bite. “Oooh, sorry, y/n I can’t, join you today, I have busine- “ you cut Nat off with a loud groan. “ But its’ my birthdayyyyy,” you said with an adorable pout. “I know, and I’m sorry,” she said squashing your cheeks together “and I will make it up to you, but for right now-” she paused reaching over the counter to grab her bag “ I have to go,” she said giving you small hug and then turning to give steve a quick peck on the lips, and heading for the door. “ Bye,” Steve said, “bye Nat,” You say still mopping. “Bye babes,” she says giving the two an air kiss before disappearing out the door.

“So, I guess it is just me and you, Y/n,” Steve said as he started cleaning up breakfast. “Ya, I guess so, though I really wanted Nat to come today. Alright, imma got get ready so that we could go,” you said heading back to your room, leaving Steve smiling at your comment about Nat; not that you even realized.

---

“Alright, where here,” Steve said as the uber pulled up to the salon. You both walked in and were greeted by an overlay excited worker. “Hi, my name is Jess, I will be helping you out today” you then gave her a small, that she returned, then started eyeing Steve like he was her last meal. She looked like she was in her early-twenties, pale skin, about 5’3, blonde hair, and brown eyes. Probably working this job to pay off student loans. She turned to Steve, with scrunched eyebrows.

“Are you Captain America?” she asked with a smirk of curiosity, but it looked like she was trying to amuse him before he could answer “yes, he is, and he’s taken, Maybe next time sweetheart, ” you said pulling you dad away from Jess, and toward the receptionist desk.

“ Hi, Appointment for Y/n Rogers,” You say, leaning against the desk. “Right this way.”

---

You were currently sitting in a chair in front of a medium-size mirror, your hands resetting on the armrest, careful not themes up the freshly done nails. Then two Beautistions approached us, then one of them turned to Steve and asked, “are you getting your, hair done too,”

“No”

“Yes”

you and Steve say at the same time.

“Please dad, you can you a new due,” you say, Steve just rapidly shakes his head rapidly no.

“What wrong with the style I have now?” he asked. “You look like an upgraded BackStreet boy,” you reply in full honesty. He then puts his hand over his chest and pretends to be hurt. “You should die it!” one of the Beautistion said, “Great Idea…” you hesitated, search for her name tag.

“Max” she finished for you, seeing what you were trying to do. “If you don’t want to, die your whole head, you can start with highlights,” she said with a smile of excitement. Steve was about to say no until he saw your adorable pleading face. “Fine,” he said putting his hands up in defeat and moving into the salon chair next to yours.

---

After you left the Spa you and your dad headed to central park for a walk, something you two did a lot when you were younger.

You then pulled out your phone and tried to Facetime “Natty Bare 😘” but there was no answer. Which was strange, because Nat always answers your calls, no matter who, what, when, where, and why. Steve saw what you did and smiled, a smug smile. "What are you doing?" Your dad asked

"I wanted to show Nat your blue hair streaks" you said with a pout.

Halfway through the walk your legs were getting tired so you jumped on your dad’s back, you wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his hip.

“You’re like a pretzel,” he says linking his arms under your knees for better support. “And, you’re like a Dorito,” you tiredly mumble into the crook of his neck, Steve chuckled at the comment.

After walking a little longer you fall asleep. Steve then tightened his grip a little, as if he was giving a backward hug. He just could believe how fast his baby girl was growing up.

---

When they reached the tower’s elevator, Steve placed Y/n down on her feet to wake you.

“Y/n, baby, I need you to wake up for a minute.” “But why,” you mumbled as you leaned against him for support since you were still tired. ��Cause if you don’t then this could be a very embarrassing photo.” “what pho-” before you could finish, the elevator doors opened, and then...

“SURPRISE!”

A tired smile then played its role on your face. You looked around and saw everyone there, except Nat.

Mabey she will show up later you thought to yourself.

---

An hour later she still has yet shone up. You asked around and Tony told you that she had a last-minute mission, but that she should be back at any time now. That failed to relieve your nerves.

But those nerves became worse when it was time to cut the cake. You know she was busy but would she really miss your birthday.

Apparently, yes, yes she would. Because the party was over, over an hour ago, and now it was currently 9:30.

Your dad knew that you were really bummed out that Nat missed your party, so he suggested a movie night. Movie nights were special to you and your dad because it became something you two did together, to destress. Just the two of you, Daddy and Daughter.

“Got room for one more.” came a voice that you recognized immediately. “Sorry, this is a two-person couch,” you shot back, anger leaking from your voice, your eyes never leaving the tv screen, ignoring the Russian, as she came into your view.

Steve then paused the movie, causing you to turn your head toward him, annoyed.

“How was the mission,” he asked her.

“I don’t know” She replied accompanied by a tight-lipped smile and shrug. You were about to say something but “Because it is not over yet,” she said looking nervous.

She then pulled out a manila folder and approached you and sat down in between Steve. The Folder was labeled “Confidential” with a red ribbon and bow tied around. The folder She then handed you the folder causing you to look up at them in question.

“Open it,” Steve said pulled Nat toward him sat her in between his legs, and then wrapped his arms around her shoulders, trying to help calm the nerves surging through her.

You carefully untied the ribbon, and open the folder. “On this day Y/n M/n Ro-” You mumbled quietly and then stopped, your face going blank. Your vision then started to get blurry with tears threatening to spill.

“Wow, y-you’re really, um getting good at that face,” Nat said, a million thoughts going through her mind.

“Y/n,” Nat said, voice flooded with worry. When you didn’t look at her, she used her fingers to lift your chin, so that you were looking at her. And when you locked with her that’s when the dames broke, as the tears sprang free from your eyes.

“Oh, no, baby, baby please, don’t cry,” she said trying to wipe away the tears rapidly falling down your face. “ I understand if you don’t want to go through with it,” she said wiping the tear that fell from her face.

“We don-”

She was cut off with the air being knocked out of her, as you crashed into her wrapping your arms around her torso, burying your face in her stomach, sobbing. She then wrapped her arms around you and held you close, one hand rubbing up and down your back trying to calm you, the other gently twirling some of your coils with her fingers.

Nat always felt like you were her child, even some people in public would mistake her for your mom, But she didn’t know how you felt.

Nat was so nervous that her soul was shaking. She knew how the topic of a Mother, is one that stings for you.

---

*Flashback*

Nat POV

I pulled up to Y/n’s school, today was her first day of Kindergarten, and in the morning she was so excited. That morning I bruised her hair into two puffs, curled her sideburns, and she then wore a Captain America shirt, with joggers and light-up sneakers. I swear she was the cutest four-year-old in the world.

I then saw Y/n exit the school, but my smile flattened when I saw the sad expression on her face. I then hopped out of the car and head toward her, as I get closer it looks as if she was crying. When I get to her I pick her up and place her on my hip, and instead of her giving me a hug like she usually does she just tucks her head into my neck.

“Hey, baby,” I saw trying to cheer her up “You okay,” I ask she just nodded and let out a little sigh. Then I hear laughing voices and I turn my head to see a group of second graders.

“See I told you to see was adopted, her parents probably didn’t love her,” one of them said.

“ There is no way Captain America is her dad If that lady is her mom, they’re both white, and she’s not”

“She just a baby and a lier,”

“ She probably doesn’t even have a mom,” another said laughing, causing Y/n to sniffle.

I then cleared my throat, successfully grabbing the attention of the bullies, sending them a death glare, and then headed to the car, and then buckled Y/n into her car seat. I then sat in the driver’s seat and adjusted the rearview mirror so that we could look at each other.

“Don’t listen to those, mouth breathers Y/n you hear me.” Y/n still didn’t look at me her eyes trained on her fingers fiddling in her lap.

“Um, Nat, umm, where is my mom, and w-why, um, why does she, not love m-me?” Y/n said with a sniffle. Her question made me want to go up to those kids and beat the shit out of them.

“ well y/n your mom had to do something important and should be back soon,” I had to lie to her because I didn’t know how to explain to a four-year-old, that her mother abandoned her and her dad because she thinks giving life to the sweetest little girl was a mistake.

Like what did Маленький шар совершенства, ever do to her.

“But Y/n, let me tell you this, Your dad loves you, so much and would let anything bad happen to you, you know that right detka,” she then nodded her head, sniffled, and wiped her tears.

“And I love you too, milashka, and I will never stop loving you.” I love you, Nat” “Now how about we get some Ice cream annnnnd, not tell Steve, because he is going to be mad because you haven’t eaten any dinner yet,” I said starting the car and putting a smile on Y/n’s face.

How could a mother ever leave a child like this, so sweet, innocent, and pure?

*Flashback over*

---

No one’s POV

“So is that a yes, baby?” Nat asked nervously that you might say no because you were crying.

You just nodded your head yes, as Nat hugged you tighter.

“Oh, dad I forgot to tell you, while we were out...I, um, need a new alarm clock,” you said with a nervous chuckle.

“Again,” they both said, not surprised at all.

“Mabey you should use your phone, you’re always pretty careful with that,” Nat said bopping your nose and squishing your cheeks together. You then reach into your pocket and pull out your phone. You went to the contacts and changed “Natty 😘” to “Mama🔥”.

“What’s my contact name Y/n?” Your dad asked.

“❤️Captain🤍Crunch💙,” you said sliding your phone back into your pocket and laying back down on Nat’s stomach.

“ I love you, mama,” you said nuzzling further into her

“I love to baby, always has and don’t plan on stopping”

*Bonus*

(Nat and Steve in the kitchen after putting Y/n to bed, because she fell asleep during the rest of the movie because you were tired after crying)

“So...what’s up with the hair, “ Nat said sipping on her tea, taking a step closer to Steve. He then shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head, with a goofy smile. “Uhh, Y/n thought I needed a new look,” He responds shaking the colorful hair from side to side. “Well, I like it,” she says as she runs her hands through his hair, “ Oh, do you,” Steve said placing his hands on her hips. “Yea…I do,” she says standing on her tippy-toe, kissing his lips. Steve then leaned more into the kiss. They went from kiss to make out sess, really quick.

“How about we don’t do this in the kitchen,”

“Mmhm”

---

@the-bau-quinjet

#steve rogers x daughter!reader #mom nat #dad steve #romanogers #steven universe #steve rogers #natasha x child!reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers x teen reader #avengers x black!reader #avengers poc reader #steve rogers x natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #avengers x reader #Romanogers x reader #Romanogers x daughter reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #Steve Rogers x daughter reader #Natash Romanoff

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rcksmith · 4 years ago

Text

Nobody else — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “Hello! May I request number nine from the fluff prompts and number seven from the smut prompts for Five? Maybe where the reader is a super skilled fighter, and the other Hargreeves siblings can’t get over how amazing she is, but that causes Five to become a little jealous?”

“Okayy if you're not tired of Five and smuts yet, can I request 18,70,74 and 84 from smut list with fem reader?”

Fluff prompts:

9. “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?!" "No, that girl is my wife!”

Smut prompts:

7. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”

18. “Are you sure? Once we start, i might not be able to stop.”

70. “Maybe I should leave you like this, that way anyone who wanted to use you could have a go with you. Would you like that?”

74. “I think I like you better with a gag in your mouth.”

84. “Let me show you what happens to little brats who don’t follow the rules.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

Thank you for requests💖 I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same energy and they prompts connect to a central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: explicit smut, dirty talk, bad words, fluff, fight, mention of death, jealousy.

— — — — —

People need each other to find support, comfort and understanding. Thomas Merton said: “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life alone, but with the other. ”

And as cliché as it was, it was the truth. And that is exactly what happened to you.

It was difficult to explain how many years you had already been killing for the commission. Ever since, maybe? You did not remember a time when that work was not part of your life, your routine, your system. But you could feel, vaguely like a hazy dream, that one day the act of breathing was ... light.

Killing without conscience brought many regrets, and the weight of guilt filled your chest, making it difficult to breathe.

But you were good at that. God, you were very good. Maybe it was the endless years of training, your quick thinking, or the simple fact that you had a lot more physical stamina than the other agents. But, whatever it was, it helped you move up the board quickly.

Murdering with a gun was easy, quick, clean, and there were already many agents who did that job. For someone like you, so empowered, the commission has relocated you to more… arduous and dangerous missions.

Your job was to kill those whose gunshots could not show up at the necropsy. Someone who needed to die without the body revealing what had happened very well.

Shoot JFK? It wasn't with you.

End Hitler? It wasn't your job.

To kill Socrates with your bare hands and make everyone believe it was poison? This is where you came in.

The difference between the jobs was that you had to do the whole process. And a melee interaction instead of a weapon always brought people who wanted to fight for their lives. And that is why the commission chose you to do that, without any partner.

They elected you because you fought like a super soldier, focused on your goal like a robot, and never came back without success. It didn't matter how many fights you had to fight with your target, how many punches you had to throw and also take, or how many injuries you returned. You always won.

Over time, you learned things in practice, tricks that made it easy, scams that would save you effort. You learned to study each person in seconds, find their weaknesses, and use his own strength against them.

That's when you met Five Hargreeves. And Thomas Merton's quote made sense.

You two were so much similar. Both the best in their fields, wrecked in a sea of personal traumas, buried by a job that got the best of you two. You two felt misunderstood, alone in the vastness of that world. And when you two met... well, were no longer alone.

You two got involved, in all possible ways and ways. Loved each other, adored each other, and completed each other. Life went out of automatic mode, and for the first time in a long time, you two managed to breathe lightly. The food now tasted good, the heat of the sun on the skin was now better, and the world... the world was ruled by the red color of love.

So it became the most obvious and coherent decision to you two get married. Five could no longer imagine a life in which you did not exist, and you did not know how the world could go without him.

“I can't believe we did that!” You laughed, astonished, as you entered the apartment that you and Five shared.

You two had just married, something just for you two and the ceremonialist. You two chose something very intimate, reserved. And now the ring on him left hand looked like the most beautiful thing in the world for you.

Five laughed softly, hands moving up your arms, bringing you closer.

“We did. Wife.”

After that, your two contract with the commission changed. Five would only continue to do that if no one dared to touch a hair of yours, and you swore to The Handler that if someone did something to Five, you would destroy that place brick by brick.

Five saw in you a strong and atrocious ocean, which could swallow whole cities only with the force of its fury. And he liked that. He liked having someone as competent and firm as he was. Five liked to know that if there was a disaster, he would not be the only one who would go after a solution.

You were the type who knew that if you wanted things to happen, you had to do it with your bare hands. And Five loved it, because he felt understood. He carried so many responsibilities on his back that it was relieving to find someone who also felt the same things.

Five knew that, when him found way home, you were going with him. And you went. You two exchanged vows that would be together in joy and sadness, in any situation. And if the situation now said to go to 2019, well, you would.

“It makes me so sick, God!” Five heard you say when you two fell out of that blue portal he created.

He would have laughed if his muscles didn't hurt so much. For someone so trained you got sick of his powers very quickly.

"Five?!” And then the voice of one of the brothers was heard.

And that's how you two ended up there. A week later, in the Hargreeves' living room, with Diego swearing that you wouldn't be able to beat him in a fight.

Five laughed against the margarita's straw, sitting comfortably at the bar, giving up on telling his stupid brother that you had already killed much more dangerous people with your bare hands.

“I do not want to hurt you.” You smiled understandingly, and Klaus laughed.

“I bet 50 bucks that she beats your ass, Diego.” It was only logical that he was going to encourage his brother to fall.

“There is no way you can hurt me.” Diego guaranteed, getting up and starting to push the sofa away, making room for a fight.

“Are you up for it or are you scared?” He played with you, and Five laughter it back there, having a lot of fun.

“This is ridiculous, Diego.” Allison stressed, but it was obvious that she wanted to watch too.

You smirked, getting up from the bar chair next to Five. You didn't want to defeat your husband's brother in that fight, you understood that the circumstances between the two of you were not fair.

You were created to kill, injure and decimate. Body wrestling was your job and it wouldn't be fair to Diego. You knew, from Five, that the Hargreeves were created to be heroes. Saviors of the motherland. Hurt and kill if necessary, but don't make it a goal.

But not with you. Killing was your goal, always. And your weapon was not super powers or pistols, but the body itself.

“Okay.” You laughed and went to the circle that Diego had made “But I don't want to hurt you. The first one to fall to the ground loses.” You were trying to be peaceful.

Diego agreed, giving him a friendly smile before saying:

“But I will use my knives to distract you.”

It was logical that he wouldn't make it cheap and easy, even if it was for himself, you knew that.

So you agreed, took off the suit you were wearing and rolled up the sleeves of your white dress shirt, while the Hargeeves sat in a safe area, away from that makeshift ring.

Diego delivered the first blow, and you just deflected the trunk, taking him by the same arm and twisting it against his back. At that moment, if it was something for real, you would put more strength to break the bone, but you didn't want to hurt him, so you just released Diego with a little push forward.

Diego turned to face you again, the naughty smile on the face of someone who knows his own potential. He was very good, you knew that, but the different upbringing made you a better opponent.

This time, the blow came from below. It was a trip that you jumped while pulling on the fist he used to land another blow in the same second, forcing him to come forward with force while you deflecting once more. Diego staggered forward, steadying himself on the floor once again.

It was all absurdly fast, as if you were a robot. A machine programs for that.

Diego hurled the knife in the wind while attacking with his other fist. You dodged again, but this time you struck back, slamming a blow down the side of your stomach, blocking his attack with your other arm and unleashing a kick in the chest, which made Diego stagger backward.

In a matter of seconds, the knife was at the end of its course. And while Diego was advancing again, the wind that the knife was making hit your hair. But the knife didn't finish course. You stopped the blade with your hand, holding to the object with your palm.

At that moment, you saw Diego's eyes falter. And a surprised gasp by the Hargreeves graces the ambience. Then it was your turn to attack. You threw the knife on the floor, driving the blade into the wooden floor as you went.

There were punches, deflected blows, creeps. The two of you were dancing to an agitated song, which was reaching its climax.

Diego had holding you in him arms, and you turned your body, locked him left arm in your hands while you used the momentum to propel your legs up, past his neck and turning, taking you both to the floor. He fell on his back while you used your own momentum to balance yourself, standing upright.

“YES! YOU OWM ME 50 DOLLARS!" Klaus's voice was heard.

You laughed, and you were about to walk away when Diego dug his left hand into your heel. He pulled you in a single stroke, and it made you fall, your back hitting the ground as he took the lead. Diego put his legs on your hips the first second you fell on the floor, and he used his own strength to keep you there.

You laughed out loud, and so did he.

“This is cheating!” You scolded him, punching him in the chest.

“Whatever, but you had to fall too!”

Diego was a good loser, you recognized that by the intonation of the voice. He was not possessed or reviled because you won, but he wanted it to be an eye for an eye, even if only as a joke.

But as soon as Diego got up off you, holding your hand for you got up too, your eyes went to Five. And you found the green irises burning in an atrocious fire. You frowned, not understanding, but you didn't have time to go over there and ask what happened. Klaus and Luther came to you and Diego.

Klaus charging his brother and Luther asking you how you did that final blow.

“It's for me to use when he pisses me off!” Luther looked directly at his brother in a silent threat “ But he will not get up alive!”

“Fuck you” Diego said before practically shoving 50 dollars in Klaus's face.

“Is easy.” You replied Luther “I'll show you."

But while the brothers were having fun, marveling at you, Five burned in a visseral cholera.

Wasn't it enough for Diego to have literally been on top of you, you had to want to teach that stupid gorilla too ?!

Oh fucking no!

When Diego went to Luther and started explaining with you, him your side, how the scam worked, Five was exploding. Now that stupid men butcher knife would be on your side?! Agreeing and explaining whit you as if it were your husband?!

Wasn't it enough just fucking being on top of you?!

Definitely fuck not!

“Take it easy, buddy.” Klaus appeared beside him “You are looking at them as if you want to kill someone.”

Five just snarled, not bothering to respond, his eyes never leaving you.

“Wait..." Klaus looked better at who Five was staring “Are you jealous of Y/n ?!” He was amazed.

“Shut up!” Five forced himself to swallow a handful of margarita.

“Oh my God!” And he wouldn’t stop “You like her! That must be why you live in a bad mood! You must be in the friend zone! ”

“Didn't I tell you to shut up already ?!” Five looked deathly at his brother “And I'm not in the friend zone with her.”

But Five realized that he gaved too much information to his brother, because now Klaus's face was opening in a shocked smile.

Goddam!

“So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend ?!" Klaus was loving the situation.

But, out of the corner of his eye, Five can see Diego holding your arm, showing Luther the place to deliver any stupid blow.

You gotta be fucking kidding!

“No, that girl is my wife!” Five tapped the margarita glass on the counter, teleporting to you and pushing Diego's hand off your arm, replacing his own.

“The show over!” He growled as he left the room, pulling you with him, your feet stumbling a few times before picking up the pace.

“Five!” You said, but he didn't seem to hear.

The image of Diego's legs at your fucking waist, the body sitting on you, the hand on your arm, rewound Five's mind like a curse. He felt his anger inflate, jealousy whispering in the back of his neck like a little devil, making him see the situation bigger than it really was.

You called him again, but for Five, it was like you called his brother's name. And then he exploded in his own fury.

He couldn't wait to go up all those stupid stairs, all those corridors, Five just pulled you against him, disappearing in the blue flash and reappearing in the his room.

“You are crazy?” You pulled the wrist out of his grip.

“I should be asking you that!” He said “Did you see that scene ?!”

“What a scene?” You frowned.

Five focused his eyes on you, in angry energy.

“Diego on top of you, fuck!" He snarled “Luther drooling like a dog on you!”

“Five.” You thought all that was absurd “They are your brothers!”

“You have no idea how much i don’t give a fuck!”

The situation was ridiculous, and you ended up laughing in disbelief and bewilderment.

“We were fighting!” You defended yourself "Nobody was drooling on me!"

“I swear to god tha ...” Five walked over to you, his eyes flooded with rage, his body enveloped in that intense and explosive energy.

You lifted chin to get a better look, your chest stuck to him, Five's breath hitting the top of your nose. That week had been full of emotions and issues to deal with, 24 hours being insufficient to do everything, explain everything. And, well, you and Five didn't have much time alone...

All of this compiled with the fact that your husband possessed the beauty of an angry god,and that excited you so fuck absurdly.

Suddenly, the air in the room became caustic, seething with the expectation of something improper happening, injecting heat into your chest that descended to the middle of your legs.

You sighed softly, and Five immediately noticed the waters where your thoughts were sailing.

“Does it turn you on?” His voice was hoars “See me angry?”

The sigh you gave was your whistleblower, your chest started to rise and fall more breathlessly than usual, your core starting to pulse. You wouldn't be able to say anything even your life would depended it, you drowning in the malicious and hot climate of that room, compiled with the absurd beauty and intensity of the adult in front of you.

God, you needed him!

“Yes, you like.” Five had an arrogant, boastful tone, mocking how sensitive you were.

But his eyes took on a more conscious tone, and he whispered as he said: "Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop. ”

Five knew his own limits, his own anger, his own strength. If he touched you now, in most simple, he wouldn't be able to stop. You agreed, hands moving gently up his body, resting on him hips.

“I will not be gentle.” Five wanted to you know again.

He had already fucked you hard, drowned in insatiable desire, marking your skin with slaps, hickeys. Five had already mistreated your mouth, made you scream. But never fucked you in anger. He never took his anger out on you. And now, submerged in jealousy, he knew how much strength he would discharge on you.

“I don't want it to be.” But you gave Five the go-ahead on a needy sigh, your fingers running around his waist.

Five dropped his mouth to your ear, tracing a path across your skin with warm lips, now bringing hands up to your skin, feeling how hot, needy you were.

“You're wet and I haven't even touched you yet.” His words hung over you like a warm warning of what was going to happen, what to expect.

You moaned softly, your body shivering, screaming for you to get more, seeking some friction, some contact. Then, as if Five read you thoughts, his left hand clung fiercely to the back of your neck, curling him fingers in your hair.

He forced you to look at him, watching the rage and the extraordinary lust.

“Let me show you what happens to little brats who don’t follow the rules.”

Five left you brutally, telling you to take off all your clothes, watching all your movements while he got rid of the shirt himself. He left him tie beside the bed, sitting on the mattress and pulling you onto him lap as soon as you finally got naked. He fit thigh in the middle of your legs, making you sit on his thigh.

You groaned, the friction in the place you most wanted, the core pulsing against the dark cloth of him pants. You rummaged your hips for more than you wanted, but Five dropped his hand on your ass, releasing a loud, stinging slap. The groan was unable to be controlled, and you buried your face in the curve of him neck, sobbing there.

“You will be grateful for every slap I give you, do you understand?” He snarled, fingers tightening on your flesh, marking your skin.

You agreed, and thanked him when Five slapped your ass harder. This time, he moved him thigh beneath you, brushing your pulsating core, leaving you in an extremely needy state.

“Fi-five!" A sob escaped, followed by another thanks when a slap hit your in ass again.

Five's hands roughly grabbed your waist, holding you firmly in place as he started to rummage in him thigh, making you moan louder every second. That was torture. You pulsed and wet him thigh, your body rigid from wanting more of that friction, the sobs escaping your lips, the muscles contracted.

“Such a needy slut." He snarled in your ear “So desperate for my thigh.”

You groaned at him words, your fingers around him shoulders, squeezing there while Five took you so badly in him thigh. He dropped his mouth to your hot neck, pouring a hickey there before sighing hoarsely:

“The only way you're getting off is on my thigh."

It sent electric currents to your swollen core, and moans got even bigger when Five increased the speed of his movements, rubbing your clitoris in those mind-boggling movements. His strong grip, compiled wheezing on his neck, his hoarse voice and the movements of his thigh took you to the limit. And you were pushed into that abyss of the climax.

“So fucking quickly.” Five delighted, in a groan, and stuck his hands on your back, holding you there, turning you in one movement to the bed.

Your back hit the mattress, Five’s warm hands roamed your legs, squeezing thighs and parting them, exposing your wet, red core at the climax. Five groaned loudly, as if seeing you hurt physically, and he took his hands off you to grab the tie next to you.

“Be good and open your mouth for me.” You obeyed, and he wiped the cloth over there, fastening his tie.

You sighed brokenly, your heart beating fast, breasts stiff and sore, your ass burning with slaps, core sensitive to climax.

“I think I like you better with a gag in your mouth." Five reflected, him hands roaming your trembling body, squeezing every bit of skin, reveling in how your skin felt at him touch.

Five reveled in the breath you took, enjoying how you looked like a fucking goddess like that. So vulnerable, so needy, so needy.

He was controlling himself until now, pushing you to the limit, making you sensitive, teasing you, making you sensitive to what was coming. Him smile was purely lustful, and Five leaned toward you, roughly sucking the nipple from your breast, nibbling at the needy skin. Then he brought hands up to his pants, opening his belt and zipper, pulling the pieces down far enough for his dick to pop out.

The moan you gave when you felt the hot, luscious member on your thigh was enough to inflate him ego even more. Five turned your body down, pulling your waist up, leaning into your ear to whisper:

“I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll never forget that day.” Then he entered you, rough, strong, badly.

He forced your walls to get used to him size and sank to the bottom of the well, clutching his hands to your hips and pulling you against him dick. You screamed against the tie, pressing your fingers to the pillows, sobbing when Five set a fierce, wild and badly pace, mistreating every inch of you.

One of him hands went to your neck, closing his fingers there and pouring out all the fury and jealousy he felt in the thrusts, going in as deep as he could and pushing your limit. The pornographic sounds of the two of you moaning, the sound of his hip hitting your ass, invaded the room, mixing with the smell of sex, lust and hunger.

You shouted him name when Five left and brutally entered you, making you choke on your own sobs.

“What's it? Are you unaccustomed to my dick?” He tasted it, leaving your neck to slap your ass aggressively “Is it too much for you?”

You sobbed, stopped by the tie, and Five hit you again.

“Do you think someone can fuck you like me?!”

Now him voice was angry and his movements too. Five fucked you like he had spent his whole life in fury at you, waiting patiently for the day when he would discount everything on you. Him hand went to your mouth, pulling tie from there and releasing your toxic moans.

“Answer me, fuck!” One more slap, leaving your ass on fire.

“N-no!” You cried “Nobody ... no-nobody fucks me like you!”

You talks with a more thrust, and Five pushed your chest to the bed, keeping his hand on your back, him moans mixing with your.

Then he reached the peak of anger.

Five came out of you, turned you up and bent your legs, placing your knees on your shoulders. He entered in a brutal way inside you, the new position making him occupy all the minimum vacant spaces. You screamed, tears welling up in your eyes, your hands tightening on his arms, your heart already racing.

It was too much. Your body begged for more, for the climax, for the lust, for anything fierce that Five could give you. He dropped his mouth on yours, biting your bottom lip instead of kissing you, making you swallow his lines when he said:

“Maybe I should leave you like this, that way anyone who wanted to use you could have a go with you. Would you like that? ”

You desperately denied it. Five could very well come out of you and not let you come, and just that thought made your body tremble and tears flow.

“Plea-Please!” You sobbed “I beg you!”

That did things with Five. He stuck his body to your, him arm going around your waist and fucking you as if that could chase away all his anger. This time he kissed you, sticking his lips to yours as he felt you pulse around him and break up in a hushed scream, trembling at the climax.

Five did not falter, his black hair clinging to his forehead with sweat, his heart pounding. He cum strongly inside your core, filling you with hot cum. You groaned, wrapping your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as he came inside of you, slowly calming down.

The two of you sighed, the room flooding with the smell of sex and desire, your hearts thudding at the same pace. You whimpered in his mouth, and when Five want to leave inside you, you denied it, tightening your legs around him waist.

“N-No.” You moaned softly, "Stay inside, please."

Five drew air through his teeth, him hands gripping the sides of your body, stirring inside you, beginning to feel the lust rising.

He kissed you again, whispering:

“You want to have a child of mine, don't you?" It was an arrogant, provocative voice, and you sighed. “You are such a fucking sensitive little thing.”

Then Five started moving again, and you stayed in that room for much longer.

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study-coffee-chicago · 3 years ago

Text

Seasons of PD: Season 7: Don’t You Ever Do That Again, You Hear Me? (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

A/N: There are mentions of B1ack Liv3s M4tter (apparently this ended up in that tag, so I changed the wording, so hopefully it’s not there anymore) in regards to peaceful protests in this. And there are mentions of counter-protesters causing riots. I tried my best to portray this as professionally as possible with Y/N's views, Kevin's views, and Jay's views. I did not try to offend anyone at all and I'm very sorry if I did.

Also, I don't know if one part counts as threat of sexual coercion, but I'm fairly certain that's what it's called, so trigger warning for that.

Your age: 18

Jay's age: 32

Will's age: 34

"I get that it's important to you, but I'm not letting you go!" Jay argued as you stood across from him in a screaming match.

"Why? Because You don't believe the same things as me because you haven't met a bad cop? Because you fought for this country and know people who died for it?" you yelled back.

"Yes, me being a cop and a soldier obviously has something to do with this! But I'm also trying to keep you safe! They turn into riots!"

"You do know that's not the Black Lives Matter protesters who start them, right? They're peaceful. Counter-protesting assholes come and start things to give peaceful protesters a bad image!"

"I don't want you to get hurt if something happens! Tear gas hurts, kid. I don't want you to come home with burning eyes and the possibility of going blind and tell me I'm right. I'm trying to prevent that!"

"I know you are, Jay! I just want you to let me have my own damn opinions and do what I want for once!"

"Has a cop ever hurt you in some way? Pulled you over illegally?" Jay roared.

You wanted to tell him your story about something like that that had happened five weeks ago, two weeks after the infection scare across the entire city, but you couldn't because you knew he'd do something stupid and you didn't want that. "No, but--"

His phone rang, cutting you off. "I'll be there," Jay said quickly. Then, he turned back to you. "I gotta go, caught a case. I'll see you later and we can talk about this. Calmly."

"So, you're saying there's a chance you'll let me go?"

"There's maybe a .001% chance, but sure, believe what you want."

You rolled your eyes and he left. But, as he shut and locked the apartment door, he stopped. "Love you," he whispered. Because, with what he did on the job, he knew that there was the possibility every day of him not coming home to you.

***

When you woke up, you were shocked not to see a text from Jay between 3 and 5 am saying that he wouldn't make it home tonight. He usually made it a priority when on a case to tell you that he wouldn't be coming home so that you wouldn't worry.

But, there was a voicemail from him around 11 pm last night and it was currently 9 am.

You put your phone on speaker and played it.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry about arguing. If you really want to go, I think Kevin has his RDO tomorrow so I can see if he's going if you-- OW!" Then, the line just continued playing, and dragging noises were heard until there was a crash and the line went dead.

"Jay? Jay?" What the hell had happened? You quickly replayed the message to make sure it wasn't an issue with your phone, but when you heard the same exact thing again, you knew something had gone terribly wrong.

You went to dial Hailey's number to ask if she had seen Jay when there was a loud knock on your door. You quickly ran across the apartment and looked out the peephole. You saw Hailey and Adam and quickly flung open the door.

"Hey, Y/N," Adam said as he entered.

"Have you guys seen Jay?" you asked.

You saw Hailey visibly swallow. "Listen," she started, but you cut her off.

"What happened? What's going on? He usually texts me if he's going to be working until the morning and I didn't get a text and I got a voicemail and--" You took a deep, gasping breath.

"What voicemail?" Hailey asked as she placed a hand on your shoulder.

"I- It cut off partway through and he yelled and-- wait, he wasn't with you?"

"No," Hailey answered. "He said he had some personal stuff to take care of when we were at a scene and then took off. Then, he never came back, so we decided to check here to see if he just came home or something happened."

"He never came home." Your eyes widened, finally processing what it meant if he wasn't here and Intelligence couldn't find him. "You're telling me he's missing? Again? Oh, no. This can't be happening, not again. Not after our fight last night. I didn't even tell him what happened or that I loved him or--"

"Y/N, I need you to take a deep breath," Hailey told you and you tried to match her breathing. "His radio might just be dead or something like that." She knew that she was lying, but she was trying to stop you from freaking out. "Can you give me your phone so Adam and I can listen to the voicemail?"

You nodded and handed Adam your phone. He pressed play and you watched as his jaw clenched as he was listening to it.

"Shit," he muttered once he was done. "We need you to come to the district with us. Just for safety."

"Can you give me a minute?" you asked. "I- I'm in my pajamas and I haven't brushed my teeth and--"

"We'll leave in half an hour, okay?" Hailey asked and you nodded. "While you're getting ready, we'll send the voicemail over to Kim and Kev. Jay's gonna be okay."

"How do you know that?" you almost whispered.

"Because Jay's one of the strongest people I know," she answered. But, in reality, she wasn't sure about that. They had no idea where he was and according to the timestamp on that voicemail, it had been a little over ten hours since he sent it. For all they knew, Jay could be out of Chicago right now. Scratch that, he could be out of Illinois.

***

"When did you get this voicemail?" Hank asked as everyone in Intelligence, minus Jay but including you, were in the bullpen and trying to trace where the call came from.

"Around 11 last night, Boss," Adam answered for you.

"Okay. So it's been almost 11 hours," Voight said.

"I need a break, excuse me," you said and quickly excused yourself to the locker room.

You made your way to the locker room and sat down and leaned against the wall. This couldn't be happening again, not after that crazy borderline sociopathic drug dealer kidnapped Jay a few years ago and Erin went in and saved him. This could not be happening again.

You thought back to the fight last night and something your mom would always say when she was in a fight with one of the boys or when you had thrown a temper tantrum and then had to go to bed.

I'll always tell you I love you because when you walk out that door or go to bed, I'll never know if that was the last chance I had to tell you I love you.

God, if you hadn't argued with Jay, maybe you wouldn't be feeling this way. Obviously, you'd be feeling scared and upset because Jay was missing and no one had any idea where he was, but at least you wouldn't feel guilty like you currently did.

You felt guilty about starting that fight in the first place by bringing it up even though you knew what his answer was going to be. You felt guilty about yelling. But most of all, you felt guilty and you regretted not saying love you when he left...because that might've been the last time you'd have been able to tell that to your big brother who had always been there for you...even when he really didn't want to.

Jay's Nokia flip phone buzzed as he walked out of school. It was his mom.

"Hey, Mom," he greeted.

"Jay Halstead, if you answered your phone while you're driving..." she trailed off, trying to think of a good threat.

"Mom, I didn't. I was talking to some friends about going for tacos tonight, so I just walked out of school a minute ago."

"Oh," she said.

"What oh?" Jay asked. "That sounded like a bad oh, Mom."

"Well, I wish I would've known that before a professor called in sick to give an exam to his students and I agreed to pick up the extra hours."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't bring Y/N to the dentist. And I thought since you weren't busy, you could. I also may or not have promised her that she could go to Build-A-Bear after to get a new outfit for Beary because she's so scared."

"Mom," Jay groaned.

"I know, I'm sorry. But, how about this: you do this for me, and I'll extend your curfew by two hours on Friday and Saturday."

"Three," Jay countered.

"Two." Amelia Halstead stood strong.

"Three."

"Two and a half."

"Deal," Jay agreed.

"Thank you. I'll see you tonight. Love you."

"Love you, too."

***

"No," you whined as Jay told you that you had to leave after he walked you home from school later. "I don't wanna go to the dentist. They scary."

"No, they're not," Jay told you. The doctor was what was scary for him with all the needles for the shots. But, the dentist had never bothered him, even when he was a little kid it had never bothered him.

"No!"

"What if I let you bring Beary into the dentist, would you go then?" Jay practically pleaded.

"And you give me chocolate before we leave?"

"If you promise to grab your toothbrush and brush your teeth in the bathroom at the dentist, then yes, I'll give you some chocolate to eat on the way there." Jay was desperate at this point. He knew he shouldn't be giving you everything you wanted, but what were big brothers with a giant age gap for anyway if not to try and spoil his little sister?

"Okay!" You ran off to go grab Beary and your toothbrush and toothpaste while Jay made his way to a high cabinet in the kitchen and grabbed five squares of Dove milk chocolate, three for you and two for him.

In the car, Jay handed you the cholates and you started eating them while you held Beary close to you, trying to gain some comfort out of your favorite stuffed animal.

***

You gripped Jay's hand as you sat and waited for your name to be called. Beary was held in your other hand and you were squeezing him tight against your chest. You had just brushed your teeth like you promised Jay that you would, but you were still utterly terrified.

"Y/N Halstead?" a dental hygienist came out and asked.

You didn't say a word, just held Jay's hand tighter.

"That's you," Jay said gently and with a smile on his face, trying to make you feel less scared.

"No, not me," you told him as you frantically shook your head.

The dental hygienist squatted down in front of you. "Are you Y/N?" You didn't do anything, but Jay must've nodded to confirm that it was indeed you. "And who's this?" she asked as she shook Beary's paw.

"Beary," you said shyly.

"Well, I'm fairly certain that Beary will be with you the entire time. We even have little sunglasses you and he can wear when we shine the really bright light on you to protect both your little eyes. Does that sound good?"

You turned to Jay. "Me and Beary get sunglasses, Jay Jay!"

"I heard! Do you want me to come back with you?"

You thought for a second. "Please come."

Jay laughed. "Okay." He turned to the dental hygienist. "Is that okay?"

"Perfectly fine."

You stood up and held Jay's hand as you walked back into the dentist to get your six-month check-up on your baby teeth.

***

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Jay asked as the two of you walked out to his car after you finished.

"No!" you said as you shook your head. "I even got a pretty bracelet with Belle on it, see?" you exclaimed as you held your hand out to him to show off your yellow bracelet with a charm that had Belle from Beauty and the Beast on it.

Jay acted all surprised and said it was pretty even though he watched as you had picked it out while he had explained to the secretary how your mom would call to schedule your next appointment in six months.

Jay opened his car and made sure you were buckled in and then got in himself and started driving.

"Do you know where we're going?"

You gasped. You had forgotten you got to go to Build-A-Bear after!

"Build-A-Bear!" you yelled. The volume of that yell would've made Jay wince had he not been driving.

"Yup, that's where we're going."

"I think I'm gonna get Beary some new pajamas," you decided.

"What color?"

You held Beary out in front of you. "What color pjs do you want, Beary?" You brought him up to your ear and nodded as he "told" you what color pajamas he wants. "He said blue!"

"Blue pajamas. I'm pretty sure we can find those."

***

Jay and you walked into Build-A-Bear Workshop at the mall and you were met with children running around. To Jay, this was the definition of hell. Except for you, he was fine with you running around, but he really didn't like all the other kids that he had to be careful not to bump into.

"C'mon, Jay Jay!" you told him as you tugged him along to the pajama section.

He allowed himself to be tugged along by you and then you held up almost every single pair of blue pajamas to Beary to see which one was his favorite. He had decided on a pair of light blue pajamas with stars all over them. There was even a cute little hat with a pom-pom on top to go with the pajamas.

Jay paid and then you left with Beary and his brand-new pajamas. You had plans to have him sleep in those pajamas tonight, too.

Unbeknownst to you, Jay hadn't even really wanted to come. The only reason he brought you was that he got his curfew extended. But to you, it was just another fun afternoon with your big brother.

You were startled out of your daydream when you felt a hand on your shoulder. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Kevin.

"It's fine. I'm fine," you said quickly.

"No, you're not. And that's okay. Hailey and Voight went to see if Jay's where his phone pinged at."

"We fought," you told him.

"You fought?" Kevin asked as he slid down the wall to sit next to you.

"It was stupid. I should've just agreed with him and maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this."

"Like what?"

"Like utter shit." You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. "We were arguing about the BLM protests that were happening tonight. I wanted to go, but he wouldn't let me. The last thing I did was roll my eyes at him, Kev."

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments while Kevin figured out how to comfort you.

"Maybe talking about it will help. What'd you argue about?"

"Just that I wanted to go and he wouldn't let me because he thinks riots will break out. And you and I both know that's not the BLM protesters, that's the counter-protesters. But, he thinks I'll get hurt. I also think it's because he's a cop, so he feels like I'm protesting him, but I'm not. I'm protesting the system."

Kevin nodded. "I get it. Believe me, I do. I live it every day."

"How do you do it?" you asked. "Be an activist and a cop at the same time?"

"Just try and do the right thing with the information you have. And, explain that you're protesting the system and the bad apples, not the police force as a whole."

"I tried. But Jay doesn't think I have a right to protest because I've never had a bad experience with a cop." Which was a lie, but you weren't ready to talk about that just yet.

"Did he say that exactly?" Kevin asked.

"No, but, he asked me if a cop has ever illegally pulled me over."

Kevin nodded. "I know Jay and I know he would never say that you didn't have the right protest. He fought for that right. He mention anything else?"

"That tear gas hurts."

"I think he just wanted to keep you safe, same thing I'd do for Jordan and Vanessa."

"He sounded like he changed his mind on his voicemail, though. He thought that maybe if you were going, then he'd let me go...at least, that's what it sounded like."

Kevin nodded. "All I can say is that until we found Jay, I'm not going to one. Getting your brother is my first priority and it's the first priority of everyone in this unit."

"My first priority, too."

"Kev!" Adam yelled as he banged on the door. "You in there?"

"Yeah, bro! What's up?" Kevin asked.

"We need you to meet with someone!"

***

The hours passed and with each of them that did, you got more and more nervous for Jay's safety. You guessed that this is how he felt when you asked if you could go to the protest, knowing that he'd constantly be worrying about you until you came home safely.

"Y/N, we gotta go," Trudy said as she entered the bullpen around 9:30 pm that night.

"Why? What's going on?" you asked as you grabbed your phone and started following her.

"They found Jay."

"Is he okay?" you asked quickly.

"Y/N..."

"No! He can't be dead, Trudy! He can't!" you wailed.

"He's not. But, he has been shot."

You froze. Shot. Jay had been shot.

"He's en route to Chicago Med right now."

"Can you- can you bring me there?"

"That's where we're going right now."

***

"Will!" you yelled as you ran into the ED and saw your oldest brother.

You ran right up to him and hugged him, not caring that he almost dropped his iPad he had been using to chart.

"Whoa, Y/N." He set the iPad down. "Hey, I know. But Crockett's operating on him right now and he's one of the best surgeons in the hospital."

"I thought you were better than him. You need to do the surgery, Will. you need to save Jay!"

"Y/N, I know it sucks, but I'm family. As much as I want to operate on him, I can't legally do that."

You paused and looked up at him. His eyes were slightly red, but he hadn't been bawling the way that you had been.

"Dr. Halstead! Incoming!" Maggie yelled.

"What does she mean?" you asked, still hanging onto him. "You're still working?"

"There's been a ten-car pile-up on the highway. I have to. It's my job."

"But Jay's in surgery!" you yelled as you pulled away from him. "These people are more important to you than your own brother?"

"They aren't but--"

"But you're working anyway instead of waiting to find out what happens to him?"

"I can't do anything to help Jay right now. But I can help all these people who are pouring in."

"Dr. Halstead!" Maggie shouted again.

"I'll be up in a few hours, I promise," Will told you.

***

A few hours had passed and it was now past midnight. Jay was still in surgery. Will was sitting next to you, in a spare pair of clothes he had packed instead of his scrubs that were covered in blood, and you were leaning your head on his shoulder, close to being asleep.

That was until Crockett came out and Will jumped up, causing your head to hit the back of the chair.

"Ow," you mumbled.

"Sorry," Will apologized and then turned back to Crockett. "What's the verdict?"

"He lost a lot of blood," Crockett told the two of you.

"But he's gonna pull through, right?" Will asked what the two of you were both thinking.

"We'll be out of blood soon."

"What do you mean out of blood?" Will asked, taking a step toward the surgeon. "There's no way you can be out of blood!"

"With that pile-up, we can. I'd recommend you go and say your goodbyes and pray for a miracle."

Will put his hands on the back of his head and started pacing the room. Your breath caught in your throat. This could not be happening. Jay couldn't die, he just couldn't.

Crockett started to walk back towards the operating room.

"Wait!" you yelled. You didn't know what had taken over you, but at this moment, you'd do anything to save your brother. You rolled up your sleeve. "Take my blood."

"Y/N," was all Will could manage to get out.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but there's protocol for that. I'd love to let you do it, but--"

"Fuck protocol!" you yelled, all the anger and sadness and anxiety that had built up over the past fifteen hours exploding at this very moment. "Rush my labs. Or don't even get my labs done at all. I haven't had sex, so I don't have any STDs. I don't have any diseases or deficiencies since I moved in with Jay years ago. My blood type's O-neg, so I'm a universal donor. Take my goddamn blood, Crockett!" You didn't care that all that information was out in the open because you were barely processing what you were saying. The only thing you cared about was making sure that your brother was okay.

"Y/N," Will said as he walked up to you and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Don't touch me! And you sure as hell don't want to tell me to calm down!"

"Y/N," Will started again as he took his hand off your shoulder. "What Crockett's saying is that it's not ethical for him to do this. He could get fired."

"Where's the paperwork?" you asked as you turned back to Crockett. "I'll sign whatever I have to sign to make sure you aren't liable at all, that I'm donating this of my own free will. You can even take double the amount of blood that you normally do since I'm a universal donor. Just get me the paperwork."

Crockett and Will shared a look.

"I'll go get a nurse to get you the paperwork."

"Wait, no, no, no," Will said as he walked closer to Crockett. "You can't be serious about this!"

"She said she'll sign it."

"But, I have to co-sign it since she's a minor. So, no, you are not donating blood, Y/N. You almost passed out when I drew vials of your blood years ago. You know what's gonna happen if we take two units of blood? You are gonna feel like utter shit."

"Last I checked, I'm 18, so I can sign my own paperwork! God, I'm not a fucking child anymore, Will! I can make my own decisions!" you yelled back. "And if I don't do this, Jay will die. He'll die, Will. So, I'm giving him my blood with or without your support."

***

You sat in a chair, the ones that Will had told you about years ago with the big padded bar thing that came down in front of you in case you passed out. Typically, they'd just have you lay down in a bed, but since they were short on beds and Will told them that you had a history of getting dizzy and nauseous during simple blood draws, they had decided to put you here instead.

"Last chance to back out," Will told you as the nurse tied off your arm with a blue rubber tie and started to rub your arm to get the big vein in your left forearm to show.

"Jay's dying. No way in hell am I backing out."

Will sighed. He knew you were doing the right thing, but he also knew that you were going to feel terrible after, and he hated seeing you like that. "Okay," he said. "I'll stay here until they get the needle in you and then I'll get you some juice and cookies."

"Ready?" Monique asked.

"Ready," you confirmed. You turned to Will and squeezed your eyes shut as the needle pierced your vein. You heard the sound of the machine and knew your blood was going in there, but you didn't want to look. Getting your blood drawn, you could watch. But this, this was just too much blood to see, so you looked at Will.

"Doing okay?" he asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah," you answered because that was the absolute truth: you were feeling just fine.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get you some cookies and juice. I'll get an update on Jay while I'm out there, too."

You nodded and he left the room.

This wasn't so bad.

***

Okay, so you were lying to yourself. You were currently in hell. Giving the blood hadn't been an issue, it was how you felt after you were done giving blood.

You were currently sitting in that same chair, drinking some juice that Will had brought you. He told you that there was still no update on Jay, but that they were sending the blood back to him right now. (They had rushed labs on a small vial of blood that Monique took before you started the donation. The results came back while you were giving blood, and since your blood was clean, you could give it to Jay.) But, God, but you felt absolutely awful.

"You doing okay?" Will asked.

You shook your head and then stopped because it made you dizzy and put your head in your hands. "No," you groaned.

He handed you a glass of water. "Drink a bit of this too and then I'll open your pack of cookies."

"Why do you want me to drink water and not juice?" you asked as you closed your eyes and tried to stop the spinning in your head.

"Because, you're sweating, Short Stack. Need you to stay hydrated."

You took a few sips of water and then went back to your juice. Will handed you your pack of chocolate chip cookies and you started to eat them.

"Mhm," you groaned and laid your head down on the padded bar thing in front of you that kept you from falling out of the chair. "I don't feel so good."

You felt hot and cold at the same time and the world seemed to spin every time you lifted your head up. And, those cookies did not sit well with you.

"How do you feel? What hurts?" Will asked, jumping into doctor mode since Monique wasn't around. Will assured her that he could look after you while you recovered from your blood being donated at twice the normal amount.

"I just feel like shit," you told him, not picking up your head.

"You gotta give me some symptoms. Give me some symptoms and then I can help."

"Mhm, fine." You looked up at him and blinked slowly. "I feel hot and cold and sweaty. And I feel dizzy and nauseous."

"Okay. That's either a vasovagal reaction or from your blood pressure being low or from your heart rate being slowed down."

"What's that reaction thingy?"

"You don't like blood in general, so a nervous system response can happen, which could explain your reactions. But, your BP could also be low, which could explain all this too. And, it's one in the morning and you haven't slept yet, so tiredness could also be a factor."

"Great," you said sarcastically as you remembered the last time your blood pressure was low.

You had taken some of Jay's medication that he had to ward off his PTSD-induced nightmares after you were involved in a shooting at a house party. The one time you took them without sleeping directly after, you felt almost exactly like this...except without the sweatiness. You just mostly felt dizzy. You had called Will, he came over, and then you ended passing out and he had to get you to Med. Then you were admitted and they got your pressure back up. You were also prescribed sleeping pills which had helped immensely.

Will grabbed a blood pressure cuff from a drawer. "Arm," he told you. You held out your arm and he wrapped the cuff around it and pumped the end of it.

You waited as he looked at the gauge on the blood pressure cuff. Will said one number over another number, which meant nothing to you, but must've meant something to him. You raised your eyebrows, hoping he was going to tell you what those numbers meant in non-medical English terms.

"BP's low, which explains most of the symptoms," he told you.

You took another bite of your cookie and washed it down with some juice, but then immediately after started dry heaving.

Will rushed around and then thrust a pink basin under your mouth.

You took a deep breath after you finally stopped dry heaving about thirty seconds later.

"Better?" Will asked. You shook your head. "I'm going to get you an IV of anti-nausea medication."

You were going to argue with him about how he wasn't working, so he probably couldn't get you that. And, you were fairly certain he couldn't prescribe things to family. But, you felt terrible, so you really don't care if Will was being reckless and borderline unethical/illegal right now.

You nodded and then laid your head back down.

When Will came back, he thought you were asleep, but when you heard footsteps, you looked up.

"Alright," he began as he assembled the IV. "Last poke of the day, I promise."

"After this can I take a nap in the on-call room?" you asked as you held your arm out to him once again.

"You know I can't let you do that." Will tied a blue band around your arm and started rubbing it to get a vein in the inside of your elbow. Then, he noticed your pale and sweaty face. "Fine. Hopefully, Goodwin won't fire me after this. But I have a good reason. Turn so you don't see the needle."

You did and closed your eyes. You felt the poke and squeezed your eyes shut, but then it subsided and you felt that weird feeling of the medicine going straight into your veins. God, you hoped this worked.

You hoped Jay would survive because you didn't just go through all that for nothing.

***

You slowly opened your eyes as you felt someone shaking your shoulder. "No," you groaned as you turned to face the other side of the bed.

But then you remembered where you were: the doctors on-call room because Jay had been shot. Maybe it was Will waking you up to tell you--

"Short Stack, wake up. Jay's awake."

That got you wide awake.

You snapped your eyes open, rolled over, and jumped out of bed.

"I take it you're feeling better?" Will asked.

"Sleep helps. Let's go!"

Will quickly led you out of the room and through some hallways and up a few flights of stairs to Jay's recovery room.

He was currently talking to Hailey.

"Jay!" you exclaimed as you burst into the room to see him with a sling and see Hailey helping him with his jacket.

"Hey, Short Stack," he greeted and then turned his attention back to Hailey. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Uh, just that I'm glad you're back," she told him. "I'll give you some time with your siblings." She turned her attention to Will. "Oh, and the things you told me to tell Kim to get are in that corner." She pointed to the left front corner of the room. "Bye, guys." She waved and then left.

You gave Jay a huge hug and tried to avoid his arm that was in a sling. "Don't you ever do that again, you hear me?" you told him seriously and then looked up at him with tears in your eyes.

Jay chuckled. "I'll try not to."

"You better do more than try." You went back to leaning your head against his chest as tears soaked his t-shirt.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," he soothed. "I'm okay. I'm fine, Y/N."

"I was so scared. The last thing we would've done was argue. I'm so sorry. I should never have asked to go to those protests. I know you were just trying to protect me--"

"Hey, it's okay for you to have your own opinions and views. It's just gonna take me a while to get used to you being an adult now and not that little sister who would always hold my hand and beg to go to Build-A-Bear."

"Speaking of Build-A-Bear," Will started and then walked over to the corner of the room and picked up two boxes. They were white boxes with dark blue designs on them. You knew those boxes: they were what the workers put new bears in when a kid came and bought one. You let go of Jay. Will peeked into one of the holes. "This one's for you." He handed Jay a box. "And this one's for you." He handed you the other box.

"You got us Build-A-Bears?" you asked as you raised an eyebrow.

"Just open the boxes."

You did and laughed when you saw Beary in the box, dressed in a hospital gown and white little bunny slippers. Your brothers were not kidding when they said they'd get one for you.

Jay laughed as he opened his. His Build-A-Bear was a light blue color and it also had on a hospital gown as well as a sling on one arm. The bear also had on a policeman cap. "Oh, man," Jay said as he continued laughing.

"Press the right paw," Will told him and he did, causing Ruzek's voice to float through the room.

Stop getting kidnapped. Glad you're okay, though.

You started laughing hysterically at this point.

"One more thing," Will said as he walked over to the counter and pulled out a marker and two hospital bracelets. On one he wrote Beary Halstead. "Jay, what are you naming your bear?" Will asked.

"I gotta name it?"

"Um, it's not an it. It's a he or a she...could be a they, too," you said.

"Fine. I gotta name him?"

"Yes," Will told him.

Jay groaned. "Fine. Blue."

"Boo! That's boring," you said.

He groaned again. "Detective Blue. There. Better?"

"Better," you confirmed.

Will wrote Det. Blue Halstead on the other hospital band. Then, he handed Beary's to you and Detective Blue's to Jay.

"I cannot believe you," Jay said.

"I can," Will laughed. "Now put it on him. Just like Y/N's doing with Beary."

Jay reluctantly put it on Detective Blue's arm. But then he realized something. "Wait, why does Beary have a hospital gown if Y/N wasn't in the hospital?"

"Yeah, about that..." you trailed off.

Jay cocked his head to the side. "What did you do this time?"

"Other than save your life, I got nauseous and Will had to give me anti-nausea medication," you explained.

"Wait, back up. You saved my life? How?" Jay asked as he looked between you and Will.

"She essentially cussed at Crockett until she got what she wanted," Will said nonchalantly.

"Which was...?" Jay pried.

"Giving you blood because the hospital was out because of a car accident. If she wouldn't have given you blood..." Will trailed off, not wanting to say the words.

"I'd be dead," Jay practically whispered.

"Yeah," Will confirmed, his voice at about the same volume as Jay's.

Jay felt himself getting choked up as he pulled you in for another hug. "Thank you."

"I know you'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat, Short Stack. In a heartbeat."

You stayed like that until Will went ahead and broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over the three of you.

"I hate to break this up, but there's something else I need to tell you guys," Will said.

You and Jay both turned to him and you let yourself out of Jay's embrace. "Which is?" you asked.

"Voight gave Jay two weeks furlough to recover and I talked Goodwin into giving me two weeks vacation--"

"How in the hell did you do that?" Jay asked.

"Let's just say I'm going to be working Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day. But that's beside the point. We have two weeks of vacation time."

"You do know I work right?" you asked.

"At a coffee shop, not at a big kid job," Will said. "And, I had Kim and Adam stop in there on their way to get the bears. They explained the situation and your work gave you two weeks off. Adam said he may have had to flash his badge, but that's beside the point."

"And you took vacation because...?" you asked.

"We need to make sure Jay relaxes and there's so many protests-turned-riots happening right now that we should probably get out of here."

"You do know it's not the peaceful protesters starting those, right? It's counter-protesters and other people who are racist bigots and people who decided they have no other choice but to be violent," you said, making your views known once again.

"I'm very much aware, Y/N. But, no matter who started it, people were running from tear gas and burning buildings last night."

"Alright, back on topic," Jay started, not wanting to have another argument like he had two days ago with you. "Where are we going?"

"I figured Wisconsin would be a good choice."

***

"It's my turn to pick the music," you whined as Will looked for another song on your long drive to Wisconsin.

"I'm the oldest, so I get control of it," Will argued.

"No, you've controlled it for the last three hours. I've had to listen to nineties hip-hop for that long. My eardrums are gonna bleed. Please make him give the aux, Jay."

"Dude, just give her the aux, and then she'll be quiet. Remember, she likes early 2000s pop-punk and 2000s stuff in general. We'll probably know most of it."

Will reluctantly handed you the aux. "Thank you. And, just to remind you two, I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift's first few albums and 5 Seconds of Summer."

You clicked play on Take What You Want by One OK Rock featuring 5 Seconds of Summer. You queued up some more songs by 5 Seconds of Summer and two by Taylor Swift, just to mess with your brothers, and then you added songs they would know like All the Small Things by Blink-182, Check Yes, Juliet by We The Kings, Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low, and Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard.

By the time Dear Maria, Count Me In started playing, all three of you were jamming out, which caused Jay to forget to put his blinker on when he changed lanes...and there was a cop right there in the emergency turnaround.

Jay heard and saw the sirens behind him and slowed down. He knew the drill from pulling people over on his days on patrol. Now that he was in Intelligence, he practically just ripped the criminals out of their cars and handcuffed them against the side of their (usually stolen) car.

He got out his license and registration, along with his badge because he did have his service weapon with him. He'd be damned not bringing it with him in this day and age...and sometimes there were coyotes and he and Will didn't know if the old hunting rifle at the cabin that your grandpa used to use even had ammunition in and if there was even any ammunition at the cabin.

Jay rolled down his window as the officer walked up to him.

Your hands started to sweat and your heart started to race as you remembered your last encounter with an officer that you didn't know.

You were driving home from the library late at night after studying for a biology exam. And no, the library wasn't an excuse for going out and partying. You genuinely had gone to the library and had had a great and very focused study session for a few hours.

All of a sudden, you saw flashing lights and heard sirens. You turned down your music. You looked in your rear-view mirror and saw that the cop was right on your tail. He turned off his sirens and then turned them on and off quickly.

You were the one getting pulled over.

You pulled off to the side of the road and then rolled down your window.

"License and registration," the officer told you. He looked young, maybe a rookie.

"What's the problem officer?" you asked. Jay always told you that you had a right to know why you had been pulled over.

"You were going three miles over the speed limit, did you know that?"

"I don't recall how fast I was driving." Jay always told you never to admit to speeding because then you could fight the ticket if you ended up getting one.

"License and registration, please," he repeated.

"Reaching into my glove compartment and moving some CDs to get my registration," you narrated and then handed the registration to the officer. "Reaching over to my passenger seat to grab my purse which has my license in it...unzipping my purse...reaching in for my license." You handed him your license.

He ran your information and then came back to the window. "I'm sorry, Miss, but I have to give you a ticket."

You furrowed your eyebrows. For three miles over the speed limit? No fucking way was this happening.

"Uh," was all you could say.

"But, there is something you can do to get out of this ticket. You help me out, I help you out."

"I- I don't understand," you stuttered.

He looked down and you followed where he was looking and cupping himself with the hand that wasn't holding your license and registration.

"I- I..."

"Or I can just up this speeding ticket to going twenty miles over it. Say there was an open container in the car, too," he said.

You had no idea what to say. You couldn't risk getting your insurance upped and getting a minor in possession charge. You'd never be allowed to drive again!

But, there's no way you'd do this. You couldn't. But he was so much bigger than you that he could hold you down with one hand tied behind his back.

He placed his hand on the door handle. "You have three seconds to make your decision. One...Two..."

"My brother's Jay Halstead! Badge number 51163! His Sergeant's Hank Voight!" Your voice trembled as you yelled that and you were close to tears.

He looked back down at your license. It did say Y/N Halstead on it. He handed you back your license and registration. "Have a nice night."

Then, he walked back to his patrol car, got in, turned off the sirens, and drove off. You were so scared that you didn't even look to see what his last name or badge number was.

Once you had stayed pulled over for a good couple of minutes to make sure that the cop was nowhere in sight, you started driving again. You stopped at a drive-thru and got yourself a chocolate flurry with Oreos. Then, you sat in the parking lot with your hands still shaking and your heart still racing as you ate and started to cry. You cried for almost half an hour and waited there for another fifteen minutes so your eyes wouldn't be as puffy when you got home because you didn't want Jay asking questions.

"Y/N, you good?" Jay asked, taking you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah," you said quickly...almost too quickly. "Why?"

"Will just asked if you wanted to go back because we missed a song and you didn't answer."

"Yeah, I can do that." You quickly went back to the previous song and tried to sing with as much happiness as you did previously. But, you didn't get the image of that night or the feeling of dread out of your stomach for another hour.

***

You woke up the next morning very well-rested. The boys had taken the loft and the two twin beds that were up there and you got to take your mom and dad's old room because you were the only girl, so they said it was only fair that you got the bedroom.

You heard the dripping of water and got out of bed and then padded down the hall and to the kitchen. Jay was standing there in pajama pants and a t-shirt. (Thank God he wasn't shirtless for once in the morning. Your brothers really needed to learn how to put shirts on when they walked out of their rooms in the morning...and maybe by you telling them to put a shirt on all the time, you training them had finally paid off.) He drummed his fingers on the counter while he waited for the coffee to be done.

"Morning," you said.

He turned around. "Good morning. Shocked you're awake. It's only 8 am."

"And I'm shocked you haven't been up for two hours," you retorted.

"Oh, I've been up for an hour, just been reading upstairs. Will's not up yet, though."

"He always sleeps late when he doesn't have to work though, doesn't he?"

"Pretty much. We've made breakfast plans before and he's missed them because he was sleeping."

The timer went off on the coffee pot, alerting you that it was finished. Jay started to pour his in a tumbler. He held out a tumbler to you. You raised an eyebrow, silently wondering why he wasn't pouring it into a mug.

"I was gonna go for a morning canoe ride. You can come along if you want. Wouldn't want hot coffee spilling all over us," he told you.

"Did you bring creamer?" you asked.

"Irish cream creamer, just for you."

You reached into the fridge and grabbed the creamer.

"So, canoe ride?" Jay asked.

"Sure."

He poured coffee into a tumbler for you and then slid it to you to put your desired amount of creamer in.

***

Twenty minutes later, you were starting out in the canoe. You told Jay there was no way in hell that you'd be doing the rowing. He told you that he could only row with one arm because of his sling, so you'd have to do the other side. Skeptically, you started rowing. Jay told you that you'd be fine, just to follow his instructions.

Fifteen minutes later, when you were out in the middle of the lake, facing the forests of Wisconsin, he stopped.

"Why'd you stop?" you asked.

He picked up his tumbler of coffee off the floor of the canoe. "We need to talk."

"About what?" you asked as you picked up yours as well and held it with both hands.

"About your reaction last night when I got pulled over. You freaked. I need to know why."

"I- I didn't freak. I was just tired," you lied.

"You had quite the amount of energy right before that," he quipped.

"It's nothing."

"Y/N, I'm not letting this go. Is it because of the protests and riots and because of all the media coverage and those few bad apple cops and, I guess the system, that you're seeing that's making you nervous?"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?" you asked.

"I will stay in this canoe in the middle of the lake until you tell me what is going on, Y/N Halstead."

"You wouldn't."

Jay shrugged with the arm that wasn't currently in a sling. "Try me."

You sighed. "Just don't be mad that I didn't tell you sooner, okay?"

"I won't. You have my word on that."

"So, a little over a month ago I was driving home from the library..."

***

When you finished, you were in tears. "Did you get a last name? Badge number?" Jay asked as he rubbed circles on your back with his good hand.

You sniffled. "N- No. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all."

"If I wouldn't have said- said your name...He had his hand on my door handle! And he was so much bigger than me. I'm sorry!"

You turned and buried your face in his chest. "Y/N, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I should've told you right away, though! But you just had that really rough case and I didn't want to put too much on your shoulders and--"

"Y/N, I need you to take a deep breath. You need to breathe. This was not your fault. None of it was."

You calmed your breathing and just sat there, silent tears streaming down your face.

"That's why I wanted to go to the protests," you said after a few minutes. "Because I've actually had a bad experience with a cop."

"Which should've never happened in the first place."

"I was so scared," you whispered.

Jay just hugged you tighter as he thought about how strong his little sister was. You had given blood to save his life even though you knew you'd feel terrible after and you hadn't told him about this horrible cop--which he would kick this cop's ass the minute the got back to Chicago--because you didn't want him to have too much on his plate after that terrible case where he put an innocent man in jail and got him killed...which was the main reason he had been shot.

"When we get back to the cabin, I'll try and call Voight. I don't know if I'll have service, though."

"Why?" you asked.

"I'm gonna have him look up who was on their beat near you that night so he can go interrogate people on my behalf. Probably best he does it and not me." Because Jay knew that the minute he saw that cop, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back.

You nodded.

"Hey, cheer up, kid. We're here for two weeks, away from everything. Away from the city and everything that goes on there. And I can promise you that that cop will get what's coming to him, whether that be losing his job or going to jail or prison."

"Do I have to tell Will? Or can you tell him? I really don't want to talk about this again."

"I can do it," Jay answered. "Speaking of Will, if he's not up when we get back, what do we say we wake him up with some cold lake water?"

"Like dump it on him?" you asked as you widened your eyes. Jay nodded. "No, that's mean. Then he'll have to wait for his sheets to dry out and they'll smell the entire time."

"We have spare sheets and blankets in the closet."

"Fine, let's do it. But just so you know, I'm telling him that it was your idea and I also have a lock on my bedroom door here, which will make it harder for him to sneak in and dump water on me."

"I will be sleeping in your room tonight," Jay joked.

"Nope. It was your idea, so you're gonna have to live with Will's payback."

Those two weeks were filled with laughter, pranks, board games, corn hole, swimming, fishing (well, you read either in the canoe or on the dock while the boys fished), and just spending time with each other. You were glad that Will had the bright idea to take two weeks up here...even though he got drenched in cold lake water the first morning by you and Jay.

A/N: I got a request from @ La_lectrice_33 on wattpad for Y/N going to the dentist, so I hope you liked that little scene! I also got a request from an anon on here about Jay and Will's reactions to her growing up, so I put that in here, too. Thank you for over 23k reads! I won't be posting until this Sunday (August 1) when I start posting AUs for AU-gust. Please remember to like/reblog and comment because I love seeing those like/reblog notifications pop up and love reading your comments and asks! As always, if you would like to be added to my tag list, just tell me and I’ll add you! Finally, like my imagines? Buy me a coffee (only $1 through Paypal and other currencies can be used) here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Kayela

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88

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dancing-in-a-yellow-dress · 3 years ago

Text

Trapped Little Angel (part 1)

Welcome to the first part of the first fanfic on this account.

Child!reader x the Avengers

Word count: 2900

Trigger warning: Imprisonment, nightmares, non graphic descriptions of violence and injuries, possible trigger for eating disorders

You were a 14-year-old orphan living alone in New York, since your family had died in the explosion that gave you your powers. Your powers were similar to Wanda’s (telekinesis and all that jazz). You got them when you were 7, but for whatever reason they hadn’t been active before that day.

It was a basic September day with all of its rain and fog and clouds. You were walking on the street when suddenly you blacked out and your powers exploded out of you destroying property and hurting people everywhere around you. The Avengers were called to action and they evacuated the block and when you’d cooled off a little they took you into custody and to the Avengers tower.

You had passed out and they didn`t really know what to do with you, so they laid you down on the couch and began a debate about the subject.

Tony believed firmly that you were dangerous to the team and the best thing for everyone would be to lock you up isolated and unstimulated to avoid new outbursts until a better option would be available. Steve backed Tony up to an extent, although he did believe the isolation to be unnecessary. Bruce didn’t really voice his opinion on confinement that much, instead focusing on the medical aspect of the situation.

Clint doesn’t really say much during the argument, before Tony raises the possibility of indefinite imprisonment in isolation. That is what finally gets to him, since you are just a kid and remind him of his own daughter. Wanda argues firmly against any form of forced imprisonment. In her opinion you needed medical attention, after which instead of locking you up the team should be focused on helping you control and develop your powers in a beneficial way.

Natasha is uncharacteristically quiet for the whole debate. Something about you had got to her and she found it hard to think of the situation objectively without a massive bias. Peter was on ‘your side’ for sure. To him you were a troubled kid who just happened to need some help. In a way he saw himself in you.

You start to regain consciousness about halfway through the argument. The Avengers are taken back at first, but when you are very confused and scared, Nat and Clint (who are the most ‘neutral’ participants) tell you what happened. When you have gotten the big picture you ask shakily: “How many people did I hurt? What’s the damage?” The others are hesitant to tell you, but Tony is highly pissed at you, so he takes his tablet and shows you some pics of the place where the accident happened. Wanda shoots him a death glare, but he continues and reads the statistics to you: “At this exact moment there are 9 people dead, 27 in critical condition and 56 with milder injuries. All because of your little stunt.” At this point you have pulled your knees to your chest and are struggling to breathe. Steve and Clint look at Tony like he has lost his mind and Nat tries to calm you down. You are repeating the same things over and over again: “I didn’t mean to- It’s all my fault… I don’t know how- What- I didn’t mean to…” Nat was approaching you, her hand reached out ready to stroke your back and pull you into a hug. She says: “We know. Everything will be alright, it’ll be alright. It wasn’t your fault, we’ll sort this out. It’s okay, you’re okay. We don’t blame you, but right now you need to calm down.” You flinch away from her, panic shining in your eyes: “No! Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t control it… I don’t understand- I didn’t mean to…” Suddenly you look desperately at Tony “You have to lock me up. I’m dangerous. I can’t be trusted. I have to be put away. Please”, you beg, surprising all of the other people in the room. Peter is about to say something, but Tony cuts him off.

You stand up and Clint shows you the way to a quite big cell. You step in and he shuts the door behind you. You sit on the floor in the corner and pull your knees to your chest. You just blankly stare at the wall. You noticed that there was a camera in corner of the room near the roof as you stepped inside, but you didn’t care. What did it matter. As you stayed on the floor the team was reheating the discussion whilst keeping an eye on the monitor that showed footage from your cell.

Wanda and Peter were shouting at Tony for locking you up in an isolation cell. Natasha and Clint were a bit calmer, but they were backing Wanda and Peter up. At some point Tony says: “You heard the kid. She wanted to be locked up. Even she thought it would be the best option”. And that sets Natasha off: “Yeah, after you had scared the poor thing on the verge of a panic attack. That wasn’t fair play. You drove her to that decision and you know it.” Then Peter fires: “Besides the whole ‘she decided herself’ excuse is bullshit. She’s a kid. SHE’S 14. I’m 17 and you don’t trust me to do anything yet, so how again is she any different?” That shuts Tony up.

In the end the team comes to the conclusion, that they will be monitoring you strictly and willing people will be allowed to go talk to you. All except Peter (just for the first few days) who is infuriated to no end by the decision.

The first person to come talk to you is Wanda. She comes and talks for a while, but you can’t make any sense of what she’s saying. After a while she leaves shutting the door behind her. Steve also comes to question you, and even though this time you understand what he is saying you can’t find the energy to answer him in you. Clint brings you something to eat and drink, but you don’t move a muscle to acknowledge the act. Time sort of looses its meaning to you as you sit on the floor and stare into nothing, alone with your thoughts, the same thoughts over and over and over again.

Nevertheless, you know some time has passed when Natasha comes through the door with another tray filled with food. She places it carefully on her untouched bed and sighs deeply before speaking: “You should really start eating on your own. It’s been two whole days and you haven’t taken a bite. I get that its hard, but you’ve got to try. Otherwise we’ll have no choice but to put a feeding tube down your throat and trust me kid, that does not feel good.” She gives you another look, then turns around and walks out. Slowly you straighten your legs on the floor.

You hadn’t really noticed how much your muscles were hurting for being in the same position for so long before someone pointed it out. You stretched your legs first and then stood up slowly. You went through your body, stretching every muscle one at a time and then sat down beside the bed to eat. You weren’t really hungry, but the threat of getting a feeding tube stuffed down your throat was enough to get you eating.

After you were done with the meal you went back to your corner and sat back down, leaving your legs laying on the floor instead of curling up to a tight bundle. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Wanda walked in. She picked the tray up and looked down at you, clearly assessing the situation before finally saying: ”Hey, I was wondering if you needed to use the bathroom.” You didn’t answer her but stood up and stepped timidly few steps forward so that she knew you’d be coming along. She guided you through the hallways and into a bathroom. “There is a towel on the counter and shampoo on a shelf in the shower. Take as long as you need. I’ll pick up some clean clothes for you and bring them here. Okay?” You didn’t say a word but nodded and opened the door to the bathroom. After half an hour you were back in your cell but feeling significantly cleaner and comfier.

Instead of sitting back in the corner on the floor you sat on your bed and crossed your legs. You didn’t know why, but you felt like it, so you started singing, first just humming quietly, then adding the words to the song. It was an old lullaby your mom had sang to you more than once. Some things just had a way of sticking with you.

`Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt kuuluu keijujen äänet

Ne tanssivat taas koko yön laulaen

koko yön laulaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

taas syttyy tähtöset pienet

Ne oottavat taas läpi yön loistaen

läpi yön loistaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt sammuu keijujen äänet

Ne liitävät taas ylös luo tähtien

ylös luo tähtien`

Then you sang it over again, this time in English

If your quiet, very quiet,

you can hear sound of the fairies

They’re dancing again through the night until day

through the night until day

Very quiet, almost silent

the stars are lighting the sky

they’re waiting again till the night fades away

till the night fades away

If you’re quiet, very quiet

you can hear sound the fairies

they race through the sky so they’ll be near the stars

so they’ll be near the stars

You sang the song a couple times over and finally you got to the last part you had made up on your own. You always ended it there, since you could never continue singing after that.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

ei kuulu keijujen äänet

Ne lähtivät taas minut yksin jättäen

minut yksin jättäen

Even if you’re very quiet

you won’t hear sound of the fairies

they flew up the sky leaving me alone behind

leaving me alone behind.

You broke down sobbing. Clint was sitting at the monitor, and he thought it’d be best not to disturb you, so you were left alone as you start humming another melody your mom taught you.

Joka ilta kun lamppu sammuu ja saapuu oikea yö Niin Nukku-Matti nousee ja ovehen hiljaa lyö On sillä uniset tossut ja niillä se sipsuttaa Se hiipii ovesta sisään ja hyppää kaapin taa

”I didn’t know she was finnish” Nastasha said to clint as she sat next to him with two cups of tea. “Finnish?” Clint asked as they listened to the beautiful melody coming from the lonely cell. Nat was quiet for a while before saying “Yeah. The language is absolutely bizarre.” They sat in silence for another while, until Clint said: “She sounds miserable” “Yeah, but who wouldn’t. I’m guessing she has no family, since no one has come asking for her.”

Ja pieni sateenvarjo on aivan kallellaan Ja sinistä unien kirjaa se kantaa kainalossaan Ja unien sinimaahan se lapset autolla vie Surrur, surrur ja sinne on sininen, uninen tie

Ja siellä on kultainen metsä, ja metsässä kultainen puu Ja unien sinilintu ja linnulla kultainen suu Ja se unien sinilintu se lapsia tuudittaa Se laulaa unisen laulun joka mielen uneen saa

Your mum never taught you that song in English. You had tried translating it, but it always turned out so peculiar you had eventually given up.

When you felt like you had cried enough you stopped with the finnish and started going through songs you had heard somewhere else, altering the lyrics as you went.

You hadn’t sung anything in weeks and now you just couldn’t stop. It felt good. You went over your favorites altering lyrics and making up new verses, not wanting the song to end. As you sang you thought about mum and home. In the outside world they were forbidden things, because they made it hard to focus on surviving. But here she had all the time in the world to think. After hours and hours she finally laid down on the mattress and drifted to sleep

Tony had just started his shift watching you through the monitor and you were having a nightmare. You were curled up in a ball and whimpered and muttered quietly, as tears ran down your face. You dug your nails into your back and started scratching leaving bloody red marks behind. Then you started screaming. The sound echoed through the halls, but Tony didn’t know what to do, so he ended up doing nothing, just staring at the screen paralyzed. It went on for a while, until you finally flinched so violently you woke up.

You were in a state of panic, but as you realized where you were it started to wear off. Little by little you started to feel the pain from the bloody scratch marks on your back and arms. You examined your injuries to the best of your abilities and then looked at the floor while talking sheepishly at the camera in the corner of the room: “If you don’t mind I’d like to have something to wrap these cuts with. I might also need some help with the ones in my back. Its not a big deal, but I don’t want them to get infected.”

The screaming had woken up Natasha and Steve who were now standing behind Tony, looking at the screen over his shoulders. Tony cleared his throat before turning around in his chair and facing the other two. They both had their arms crossed on their chest. Steve looked surprised as hell, but Natasha was quick to recover. She threw Tony an icy stare before saying: “Should we think the imprisonment over again, or is she still too dangerous for you to handle?” Tony raised his hands before saying: “Let’s think that over in the morning, when the whole team is up. Now, would you mind going to help her with the injuries?” Natasha threw Tony another dirty look, before grabbing the first aid kit and heading to your cell.

Nat came, and you laid on the bed on your stomach. She lifted your shirt, poured antiseptic solution on a cloth and warned you: “I’m sorry, but this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” She pressed the cloth gently on your back and you shrug. “It’s not that bad. You get used to pain as a homeless kid. Once I had to remove a bullet from my own shoulder.” There Nat saw an opportunity get little bit more information of you and continued the conversation: “Must be tough. I suppose you don’t have any family left?” “Yeah, mum and dad and Tom died… in an accident” you tensed up visibly. Nat continued unbothered but didn’t bring up the deaths again. “I heard you sing the other day. Didn’t know you were finnish.” “Oh, I’m not. My mom was.” “So, can you speak finnish or what?” “Nah, not anymore anyways. I used to, but I haven’t used it in a long time. Some things just stuck with me, like the songs, or silly pet names mum used to call us.” For some reason you felt really safe with Natasha. Her touch reminded you of home as she worked to clean your wounds and then wrap them with clean gauze. You knew it was silly, but it just felt so good to finally talk to someone, so you kept answering her as she continued asking questions. “Pet names, huh. What did she call you?” “She used to call me Lumikki. It’s the finnish for snow white. It’s cheesy as hell, I know but we lived in a little cottage in the woods, and I was obsessed with Disney.” Natasha smiled at you. “Do you remember anything else about your mum.” “She had the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. She sounded like an angel. Sometimes I hear her in the wind.” You pause for a minute “And she was a dancer. She used to be a ballerina, but then she had us and her career ended. She never quit dancing though. Once in a while she’d put on her slippers and go through some old routine, like she had never stopped. She even taught me some basics.” Natasha was quiet for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and continued: “Did you have any siblings?” “Yeah”, you were quiet for a moment, not rushing to continue “One brother. His name was Tuomas, but we all called him Tom. Three years older than me. He was my best friend.” A tear fell down your cheek. Natasha was almost done with wrapping your back so she asked one more question. “How about your dad” You shrugged. “He was a hunter. Spent most of his time with Tom out in the forest when I stayed in with mum.” Nat packed the medical supplies back to the first aid kit and pulled your shirt down so that it covered your back. Then she helped you sit up and said: “I can’t promise anything yet, but we’re having another meeting with the team about your… condition and I believe you might get out of here.” She saw the unsure look you gave her. “Don’t worry” she said as she took your hand “Everything will be alright. I promise”

Sorry, I have absolutely no idea what is going on with the spacing, tried to fix it but it wont budge... Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!

#the avengers #mcu #fanfic #child!reader #tony stark #steve rogers #bruce banner #clint barton #natasha romanoff #peter parker #reader x avengers #child!reader x avengers

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