tagged by @jikyu <3
last song: one more night by pentagon
last movie: ginger snaps
currently reading: i went to the library just yesterday so i have not started anything new yet.
currently watching: the third part of Lupin. technically worst of evil too, but i am quite behind.
current obsession: this one recipe for gilgeori toast, walking on the crunchy leaves outside and my lil dreamvader plush.
tagging @moonsua, @pumpkunspiced, @haramie & @moonprismmp3
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
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My Batfamily piercing headcanons
(note: these are just my personal headcanons)
Dick: Has thought about getting a piercing but always ends up deciding against it because he doesn't like needles
Jason: Got his nose pierced when he was 14 and never told Bruce(don't ask how he hid it idk readers choice). Was pissed to find the hole had closed after his dip in the Lazarus pit, so he got it re-pierced but doesn't wear it often, usually just at night. And no of course it doesn't have anything to do with the fact he still hasn't told Bruce. Nope not at all
Tim: Got his left ear pierced when he was 15 because Steph told him a bunch of other skaterboarders were doing it and he ended up liking it. (she lied she just thought it would make Tim look hot. She was right) He doesn't wear it on patrol or for important meetings, but he still makes sure to wear it often enough to not let it close
Stephanie: Has both her ears pierced as well as a double helix piercing and a smiley piercing. She wants to get more but keeps changing her mind as to where.
Cass: Only has her ears pierced and that's only because Steph and Babs did it for her. Doesn't trust needles (see Batgirls #2)
Barbara: Has both ears pierced and got her belly button pierced when she was a teenager. Her belly button piercing ended up closing after she kept it out too long when recovering from getting shot and hasn't gotten around to getting it redone.
Duke: Has no piercings or a particular desire to change that fact, but he isn't really against the idea either. (Stephanie is determined to get that boy an eyebrow piercing because he would "totally own that look")
Damian: Went kinda crazy with it after Alfred died and he went off on his own. First Nika convinced him to get his eyebrow pierced and it just escalated from there. At present he has a grand total of 7 piercings with plans to get more. His piercings currently include his ear lobes, snake bites, his eyebrow, his nostril, and his septum. When Dick first saw him with all his piercings in he nearly passed out
Bruce: Had some wild teen years and got his ears, tongue, and septum pierced. Stopped wearing them when he traveled to train and they ended up closing. The only evidence they ever existed is a few stray paparazzi photos/videos and Alfred's word(he is sworn to secrecy)
Alfred: Everyone thinks the answer is a big fat "NO" as to if he's ever had a piercing but in reality he has had exactly One. When he was very young, before he met the Wayne's, he lost a bet and let an army buddy pierce his nose. A great deal of alcohol was also involved. He took it out after a few weeks when it got infected because the needle hadn't been sterilized and they were still out traveling around North Africa with little supplies. They never spoke of it again.
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my companions and I were talking about a Tobecky tiktok AU and i was struck with inspiration
[ID: A drawing of Becky Botsford, a dark skinned young person with dark curly hair, a magenta headband, and a white collared shirt layered under a dark green sweater, as if it's a screenshot from a tiktok. She's holding up a hand-written card with the words "TOUCH GRASS" in allcaps on it, and she looks annoyed. Overlayed on the top left corner of the screen is a comment from someone with the username "the_real_scoop" and it reads "he is literally in love with you" in allcaps. /END ID]
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I am so tired of seeing arguments against J/C, saying that Kate never wanted them together on Voyager because it would blah blah blah. Guess what? We are in agreement and we understand why it was necessary, especially when you consider the context of the time when the show was made. We fully support why it had to be done that way back then.
But times change; narratives and characters evolve, and views and perceptions shift. If anything, Voyager's inability to ever have two adult characters discuss their feelings ended up falling into another trap - they had Chakotay go after the 'prettier and younger' girl. You know what kind of message that sent to girls and women? You can have the most profound relationship in the universe with someone, yet he will still pick the prettier girl over you, even if they have nothing in common.
Prodigy had the perfect opportunity to subvert expectations by making them canon because, in retrospect, the 'will they, won't they' dynamic was predictable.
It was stated multiple times that they were afraid it would completely take over the show, but I don’t see almost anyone mentioning that this is exactly what happened with Wesley. Every podcast I listen to spends 50% of the time talking about Wesley, while the main Protostar crew is hardly ever discussed. J/C is also mentioned in passing. It all became about Wesley. In trying so hard to avoid falling into the imaginary J/C trap, they ended up in a much worse one, where all any Trek fan wants to talk about isn’t the Protostar kids or J/C, but Wesley and Wil Wheaton.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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