#can you tell this raises some big feelings for me?

[bi-writes]

ok wait pause i have a question. first date, but like, real, you are my girlfriend date ? or like how'd they define their relationship (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

he's...fun.

it's just sex. mind-blowing, back-numbing, pussy-destroying sex. this man is pushing 40, and you swear you've never felt so out of breath. you convince yourself it's the military thing--he's used to pushing himself, exerting energy, testing the limits of his stamina. but holy shit, you'd think after round four, this man would take a quick nap or something, but no.

he's still balls-deep, hitting it from the back since you can't even keep yourself upright any longer. your skirt lays haphazardly thrown onto the floor, and oh--there's your panties, too, ripped to lacy shreds.

holy shit, this man is more than ten years older than you, and you've never been so out of your fucking mind--

"tha' the spot, love?" his voice is so condescending. he knows he's got you brainless. there's drool staining your lips, and you paw at the sheets for a better grip, but it's useless.

"y-yes, captain."

the low groan that leaves him makes you smile. he might have the upper hand, but if you really wanted to, you could make him come right now, too fast, too much.

you're in bliss. everything is bliss. you're still recovering from what must be the fifth or sixth orgasm--not as good as the second or third one, but still enough to make you cry fat, pleasured tears. you're shaking, in a good way, sinking to your stomach on the bed and pressing your face into his pillow.

"hmm..." your voice is soft and gooey, and when you take a deep breath, you get a long whiff of him. he smells good. clean. earthy. you tasted cigar smoke in his mouth earlier, and you can smell it here, too. just as you relax, you feel the weight of him on your back, and then his lips. he's kissing along your shoulder to your neck and then up your jaw. you tilt your head to give him room, your eyes shutting as his heard scruffs against your skin and his mouth laps at your chin. "i gotta go, john."

you giggle when he lays his entire body on top of yours, trapping you there. you reach up and grip the back of his neck, whining as he flattens his tongue against your jaw and swirls it there.

"john...i gotta go."

"why?"

"mmm..." you thumb at the hair along his scalp, shaking your head. "don't do this, john."

"not doing anythin'."

"we don't sleep over, john."

"what, is tha' some kind of rule? sounds mad."

you turn over a little, looking up at him. you cup his beard in both hands, giving him a chaste kiss.

"don't ruin it, john," you say softly. "this is supposed to be fun."

he tilts his head to the side. he looks so funny without a hat. you've seen him in a beanie, a boonie hat, a cap, you love them all on him. he looks nice like this, too, though--ass naked with his dog tags dangling against his sweaty pecs.

john's eyes twitch a little at your indifference. he settles on his side, leaning over you, and just as you move to get up, he reaches and grips at your face with a big paw of a hand. you clutch at his forearm, big and solid, and your lips pucker as he pulls you closer to him.

"y'r a bad liar, love," he mutters, shaking his head. "fear doesn't suit you."

"i'm not fucking scared."

"who was it?"

you glare up at him, struggling a bit under him. it's a stupid thing to think that you could get away from him. john is not moveable. he's a big fucking tree trunk of a man, with roots that burrow, and you are truly naïve if you think he'll let you up without an answer.

"shut the fuck up, john," you spit at him, but all he does is raise a brow. he's immune to your bite. he's not phased by your sour attempt at insulting him. in fact, it's what drew him to your bed in the first place--certified brat-tamer, captain john price. "you think you're so fucking smart. think you know everything, just because you've got a few years on me, well let me tell you, john--not everything is a fucking lesson learned. you're a military muppet with a decent cock, and that's all you'll ever be to me."

"tha' right?"

"you'll never put me first. you've got one woman, and that's the job, and that's fucking fine, john, but don't make this something it's not. you're lonely, and old, and your failed relationships don't make you wiser, they make you delusional for thinking that doing this again could ever--"

your breath falters when he kisses you. he squeezes your jaw a little harder, forcing your mouth to open, and you moan, squeezing your thighs together when he licks into your mouth and holds you there for him to play with.

"i do have other obligations. my men, the job..." he brushes the hair out of your eyes, and he presses his forehead to yours when he sees the tremble of your bottom lip and the wet look in your eyes. "but i don't do casual, sweetheart. it's all or nothing f'me."

your hand grips his wrist, squeezing tight, and you blink up at him. he's so close. he's right here. blue eyes, greying beard, a sad expression. he's not afraid of dying alone, but he is afraid of wasting time.

"please don't do this to me, john." your voice cracks, and he shrugs. he's sorry, but he's not sorry enough. not enough to let you go--and you're not strong enough to tell him no. it has to be him, but it won't be.

"it's alright," john whispers, but he knows it won't be. he's known you not but a few weeks, but he's made up his mind. he doesn't understand casual. even from the moment he saw you in that bar, it wasn't fleeting, it was definitive. it would be his. you would be his.

even if you were actually someone else's. even if you were bound to someone else. even if you weren't alone, it was already decided.

john's teeth are stuck here, right here, in the hollow of your throat. his fingers are twisted between the chords of your heart and in the spaces between your ribs. if he lets go, he'll break you apart.

so he's never going to let go.

[imsofreakingtired]

i lost the anon ask for this, but here's an angst/fluff fic in which sevika comforts reader with insomnia <3

apocalypse

content warning(s): none, light angst and fluff :)

"kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms you've been hiding them in hollowed-out pianos left in the dark got the music in you baby, tell me why got the music in you baby, tell me why you've been locked in there forever and you just can't say goodbye."

☆ ☆ ☆

context: reader and sevika are not yet in an established relationship

☆ ☆ ☆

“Commander,” Sevika snaps her fingers. “You in there?”

You give a start and look up. “Yes,” you say. “Sure.” Even you can tell how unconvincing your tone is, but it’s the best you can offer right now. 

Despite her brusque tone, Sevika is worried. She frowns down at you as she loads the Shimmer cartridges into her belt. This is the third time today you’ve spaced out and missed a chunk of briefings for the day’s shipment assignments. There are dark circles under your eyes and you walk as if you might fall over any second. You’re forgetting instructions you usually remember with ease. Just that morning Sevika had to stop you from pouring the scalding hot coffee for Silco directly onto your hand because you were seeing the cup double. 

Today it’s your turn to scout the air ships, not too big of a job. If you were in charge of steering, or even bargaining, Sevika might have been stricter. But today you’re with her, with Ran heading the other air ship entering Piltover. 

She peers down at you. “You look like hell,” she says. 

“Thanks. I just got back.” 

It wasn’t too far from the truth. For the past three days and nights, you had seen the sun set and rise like a relentless bitch on the skyline of a sleepless city without a wink of sleep yourself. 

Do you know what it is to be unable to sleep? No matter how your body demands it, begs for it, screams for it? No matter how your muscles ache and your limbs shake uncontrollably from fatigue? You swear sleep is harder to catch than an orgasm. 

Sevika wouldn’t know. Many a late night you found her snoring on the couch in Silco’s empty office with the documents scattered on the floor around her, her mechanical arm still on. She had trained her body to snatch what hours of sleep she could steal. You would gently detach the prosthetic so her limb wouldn’t stiffen, pull a blanket over her, and envy the blissful unconsciousness smoothing her features. 

Sevika shakes her head. “You’ll sit this one out, commander.” 

“No! I’m fine,” you snap. 

Another pleasant perk of sleep deprivation: the changes in temper, the raging mood swings. You want to crumple into a ball and weep one moment, you’re ready to tear someone apart limb from limb the next. 

Sevika only raises an eyebrow. “Right. You’re the damn poster child of stability.”

“Don’t test me,” you say. “I haven’t slept in three days.” You wave to Locke. “Start the loading in five.” 

But when you start to walk up the plank into the airship, Sevika grabs you by the arm and pulls you aside. To Locke she says, “get Jennes to scout the ship.” 

He nods and walks away. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Now let me get this straight,” she says in a low voice. “You’re telling me you haven’t slept once in three days?”

You struggle to pull away. “I said I’m fine. Why would you do that? Why would you just change the assignment?” 

“Uh-uh. No. You’re going straight home and you’re going to get some sleep.” 

You open your mouth to argue, but something in her tone collides with your precarious mental state, like the strike of flint and stone against a brittle pile of tinder. She isn’t even angry, just concerned. Maybe disappointed. But in this state of mind, you’re convinced you have failed her, you’ve failed everyone, and that she despises you for your incompetence. You feel something break inside you. You violently wrench yourself away from her so she can’t see the tears streaming down your face. 

“Hey,” Sevika says in a gentler voice. Your outbreak evidently alarms her. “Hey. Come here.” 

You try to stifle the tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know why—”

“It’s okay.” She reaches out and takes your chin in her hand, turning your face toward her. With her thumb she wipes away the tears from your cheek. “It’s okay,” she says again. “You’re tired.” 

A shock goes through you when she touches your face and you grow still. Her hand is rough and warm. 

She looks around briefly, as if to see if anyone is around to overhear her. No one else is at the harbor within earshot. She drops her voice to nearly a whisper. 

“I know you’ve been looking after me those nights in the office,” she tells you. “And covering for me just to let me get some more sleep. You think I’d let that slide without doing anything in return?”

“You don’t have to, it’s nothing.”

“Let me handle this,” she says. “Let me cover this one. Please.”

You meet her eyes, startled. The word ‘please’ coming out of Sevika’s mouth was about the second least likely thing you would ever imagine happening. It was like a shift in the laws of nature. 

“I can’t sleep,” you say quietly. “Not even if I tried.”

Her brows crease. “Have you taken anything for it?”

“What, pills?” You laugh wryly. “Can’t afford it.” 

You see her purse her lips, her jaw tighten, as if she’s thinking. Then she says, “just get home and lay down. You can do that, can’t you?”

“If that’s what you really want me to do.” 

“It’s an order, commander.” 

You sigh. But you turn and walk away. 

☆ ☆ ☆

You are working in the storage room of the Last Drop when Sevika walks in and hands you something small. You look down at the palm of your hand. 

“Is this asbestos?”

“You’re not funny,” she retorts. “It’s melatonin.”

“Where the hell did you get it?”

“Don’t ask questions,” she says. “And don’t thank me.”

She storms out of the room as if to avoid even risking hearing you thank her. 

As usual, you work late that night. The pill sits in the breast pocket of your shirt and you imagine it pulsing with your heart. You know it’s stupid to consider it a gift, but you’re reluctant to take it nonetheless. Sevika would never say so, but you’re certain she went out of her way to find an Undercity apothecary that sold it, and it couldn’t have been any small price either. 

But it is the fourth night, and your head feels close to exploding. You down the pill with a drink of stale beer. 

It’s already nearing four in the morning, and you decide it isn’t worth going back to your apartment only to return to the office by nine. You haven’t seen Sevika all day since she met you in the storage room—you wonder if she took off early, though you can’t imagine such a scenario.

Drowsiness fills your head as you lay down on the couch. It smells old, the mildew of ancient leather, but from the number of times you’ve seen Sevika passed out on it you imagine you can almost smell her scent on the cushions, too. 

You’re half asleep when Sevika comes into the office. She sees you and walks over. You keep your eyes closed. You feel her touch your forehead briefly, then she spreads her cloak over you. 

☆ ☆ ☆

note: pls get good sleep, stay hydrated, take care of yourself <3

divider by @enchanthings-a

[zepskies]

All righty, here we go, diving into more of the angsty love triangle!! *rubs hands together* 😈

However, it wasn't enough to block out the sounds that were coming from your bedroom or the subtle knocking of your headboard against the metal wall between his and your room that grew louder and louder every passing minute.

Oooh my God, poor Dean. 🫣 This is literally torture for him! lol

When you'd agreed to move to the bunker Dean had insisted you live in the bedroom next to his. It meant that if there was a problem in the middle of the night, Dean would be the first to hear you scream and the first to protect you.

I had a feeling this was why he insisted on her living in the room next to his, our big protective man, but now it's coming back to bite him in the ass. 💀

He remembered how soft you felt under him, how you clung to his body as if he was the only thing grounding you to earth, how natural it felt to be there protecting you, how you sighed when he pushed your hair back from your face, and how all the soft parts of you seemed to fit perfectly against all of the hardened muscles of him.

He'd lost so many things in his life and he knew that he couldn't lose you, not without losing a piece of himself.

Sobbbiiiiiingggg -- oh Dean. 😭😭

It made Dean feel like someone had ripped at his insides with a pickaxe seeing you hurt and listening to the whimper of pain that passed through your lips. He knew that he went too far when you broke his nose, but damnit, Dean just wanted you to be safe! And you never listened to what he told you because you were just so damn stubborn and always got on Dean's last nerve.

God Dean! You can only bury your emotions under assholery and anger for so long. He can hate the fact that she's a hunter and want more for her, but he has to accept that it's her choice, and he can support her and be honest with her rather than succumbing to his assholery. 🥲🥲

But of course, his "I'm not worthy" mentality crops up as well. 🙃 Makes you want to throttle him (if in more than one way lmao)!!

The thought that he was suffering so much while trying to find her when she was in another world is also heartbreakingly on-brand for him. He'd so be tearing through every piece of lore and resource to try and get her back. 😭

"That better be a way for use to get rid of the walking Trojan ad." Dean huffs, throwing himself into the chair across from his brother. Please let them be using protection. The last thing I want is to be stuck here to raise super baby. I had enough problems with Jack.

💀💀💀 Come on now, Dean, don't be petty. 🤣

"Just listen to me for a minute." Sam points at him with the pen. "She might be stubborn and sarcastic on the outside, but she's not callous or emotionless. She hides what she's feeling deep down, just like you do. And I think that she likes Ben because he doesn't hurt her and he makes her feel wanted." But I do want her.

TELL HIM, SAM. SHAKE HIM UNTIL HIS GREEN EYES ROLL INTO HIS HEAD -- make him see how he's acting!! lol

Your eyes trace the way his dark hair has fallen into his face and over the pillow, and you reach up to push some of the strands back from his face. But with it comes the ghost of how you wanted to do the same thing to Dean earlier, that your fingertips had itched to feel his brownish golden hair in your hands.

Gahhh pain. so very pain, even though it hurts so good. 😭😭😭

Dean kissed like he wanted you to understand and that he wished to understand himself. Dean's kiss was passionate, filled with enough emotion that it left you breathless. Ben was never afraid to take what he wanted but Dean, he was almost asking, trying to let you understand, and trying to listen to what you wanted.

"I-" He swallows. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much I hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and to talk to me the way you talk to Sam." His voice is quiet, just a soft rumble, but you can hear a tremor on the edge of his words. "I didn't mean to make you hate me."

Omggg finally!! Finally Dean's being honest about how he feels without being a dick about it. 😪

But he didn't, he never did.  And in the kiss is something else, years of emotions the two of you pushed down, years of being frenemies of almost losing each other, years of ignoring what was developing between the two of you, and years of watching the other fall for the wrong person.

Ughhh such soul-rendering description, and the spice here is oh so delicious. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

But I have to point out that the reading is having a DAY loll. Two beefcakes in one night?? 😏

(Also, I'm afraid of how Ben is gonna take this. 😬)

"Don't do me any favors sweetheart, we had fun." Ben shrugs. "That's all this was."

Oh sure, pretend she meant nothing to you to spare your deep-down man feelings. 🙄

"Stupid, fucking piece of shit!" Ben growled at the computer monitor in front of him that had a bright red ERROR message splayed across it.

LMAOO Ben vs. Technology -- I think we all know who's winning. 🤣

And Ben secretly liking therapy just so he just has someone to vent to for an hour? Be still my heart, honestly. 😭

The version of you Ben knew from Dean's universe flashed through Ben's mind again. She was more confident and outgoing, but you looked a little shy, hiding back in the cardigan and using the iPad in your hands as a welcome distraction to looking Ben in the eyes and like a shield. He thought it was cute.

OMGGGGG I'M WEEAAAAK -- and he's already clocking IT girl's cuteness, I'm dead. 😂💞 The way he's already starting to like her better? I see what you did there. 😉

"To the ends of the Earth doll." Ben winks and watches the flush of your cheeks deepen to a crimson and hears the way your heart buckles and jumps when he does.

ahaha you charmer, you. 😂 A swoon-worthy line, even if we do know how sleazy this man can be lol. She really has no idea what she's getting into with this guy, but I love to imagine that with this nicely wrapped up ending! 💕💕

Part 3: Why Is It A Big Deal?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Dean Winchester xf!reader

POV: Dean POV, Reader POV, Soldier Boy/Ben POV

Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.

Tropes: Fluff, Frenemies (Dean and the Reader), Enemies to Lovers, Awkward Situation, Multiverse Problems, ANGST, Crossover

Word Count: 12.4K (I PROMISE I DIDN'T MEAN TO)

Listen While You Read: Treat You Better By Shawn Mendes

Warnings: I'm gonna label this 18+ just to be sure. There is some swearing, Making Out, Sexual Innuendo, References to Sex, Jealousy, A little homophobia (it’s Soldier Boy), Feelings, Angst, Self Deprecating Thoughts? References to Past Sex (it happens quite a bit). Soldier Boy Being Soldier Boy (Everyone knows he’s a warning). Dean Winchester Being Dean Winchester.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is no use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person

A/N: It's finally here! I have loved the return to this universe more than words can describe. Each of the POV's are crazy in their own way. And again, don't forget to read the fic "Stranded" by @justagirlinafandomworld that inspired me to write this series in the first place! ENJOY!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Dean POV

Dean leaned back on his bed at the bunker and jammed the pillow further down around his ears over his headphones. He was listening to a mixtape that he had burned forever ago, chosen because it had the loudest drum solos blaring through his Walkman. However, it wasn't enough to block out the sounds that were coming from your bedroom or the subtle knocking of your headboard against the metal wall between his and your room that grew louder and louder every passing minute.

Dean had tried his best to get Sam on his side when he proposed the idea that Ben didn't have to come back to the bunker and instead should be sent be sent back to wherever the hell he came from right then and there, but Cas was still out doing whatever it was he was doing, which meant that Ben was going to stick around for a little longer.

And it meant that Ben was finally getting his wish… you.

Dean's teeth gritted together when he heard another moan over the sound of the cymbals and felt a white hot spike of something in the pit of his stomach burn through his body.

When you'd agreed to move to the bunker Dean had insisted you live in the bedroom next to his. It meant that if there was a problem in the middle of the night, Dean would be the first to hear you scream and the first to protect you. But other than the time you stubbed your toe and Dean kicked down the door when he heard you yell with his gun drawn, there hadn't been an emergent situation that required his help.

Right now he was regretting the decision to have you live next door wholeheartedly, because it meant that he was having a front row seat to everything Ben and you were doing in your bedroom.

Dean sighed, his eyes squeezed shut, as he tried not to imagine what was happening, but he kept having flashes skate across his mind. He didn't want to see what it looked like or sounded like to have Ben's name tumbling from your lips, all Dean wanted was to hear you say his name like that and to be the one making you fall apart beneath him.

Not some asshole from another universe.

The image of you laying under him back at the school came back to him in a wave, pushing away the revulsion momentarily. He remembered how soft you felt under him, how you clung to his body as if he was the only thing grounding you to earth, how natural it felt to be there protecting you, how you sighed when he pushed your hair back from your face, and how all the soft parts of you seemed to fit perfectly against all of the hardened muscles of him.

He hadn't even made love to you and you laying there on top of you felt more intimate than any experience he'd had in his life. Dean wanted to exist in that moment with you a little longer, to savor those last few seconds of you staring up at him as if he was the only person in the world.

The memory of Ben kissing you after followed. Dean remembered the way Ben's lips roughly took from you and the way he held on to your face and it snapped Dean out of it. It hurt him more that you let Ben kiss you after Dean had been the one to save you.

Fuck.

His teeth gritted hard together so tight that he heard them grind. He hated watching you with Ben, hated watching Ben do the one thing that Dean had wanted to do for years. And Dean also hated the way that Ben treated you, as if you were something to be possessed and showed off, as if you weren't smart or anything more than just beautiful.

Dean had known from the first moment he saw you in Ellen's bar years ago that you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his entire life. You were funny, kind, sarcastic, and had a hard edge that you'd developed after years of being a hunter, but there was something else, a softer side of you that you didn't let everyone see, something hidden beneath it all that you only allowed yourself to have whenever Sam was around, but never with Dean.

It made him hate his brother a little bit, seeing how effortlessly the two of you had developed a friendship, while Dean had to practically Heimlich you to talk to him.

Dean wanted to see that side of you so badly. He wanted you to smile at him the soft way you smiled at Sam, and wanted you to laugh at his jokes or tease him playfully about his hair or about what he was wearing that day the way he'd seen you with his brother.

He tried to find reasons to be in the same room as you, drifting to sit nearby while you read or watched a movie. You always seemed different then. Your body was relaxed, open, with just a hint of a smile curving on the edge of your lips that made Dean want to stare at you for the rest of his life.

He tried to make you laugh whenever he could and tried his best to impress you, but each time he did you'd only roll your eyes and make a sarcastic comment. You didn't like him, Dean knew that, but he wished you did.

Sure he was maybe a little harsh on you sometimes, but Dean didn't want anything to happen to you, he was trying to protect you, because he knew the moment he stopped caring so much would be the moment he lost you.

He'd lost so many things in his life and he knew that he couldn't lose you, not without losing a piece of himself.

He hadn't felt like this about anyone else ever, and he didn't know what to do with his feelings. Bottling them up only seemed to hurt him more, but whenever something happened on a hunt or you tried to split away from him and Sam, he panicked and said things that he shouldn't instead of the three little words that he'd been wanting to say to you for years.

That's what happened a few weeks ago on a hunt, when you went into a house alone and faced a poltergeist that threw you across the room and into a glass cabinet. Dean had stood there yelling at you trying to tell you how stupid it had been for you to go in alone, while biting back what he really wanted to say- that he couldn't lose you. He couldn't lose you because looking at you was like watching the fireflies along a misty road at dusk, each one lighting a path in the darkness that showed him the way.

Yes he was angry, but all Dean saw was the bloody ripped sleeve of your shirt, and the way your face had contorted in pain when Sam picked you up and helped you back to the car. It made Dean feel like someone had ripped at his insides with a pickaxe seeing you hurt and listening to the whimper of pain that passed through your lips. He knew that he went too far when you broke his nose, but damnit, Dean just wanted you to be safe! And you never listened to what he told you because you were just so damn stubborn and always got on Dean's last nerve.

The truth was he hated that this was your life, hated that you were a hunter and each day you put yourself in danger, because he believed you deserved more. You deserved a normal life with someone who loved you, maybe a few kids, a dog, and a life far from the world that Dean and you knew so well.

Of course the thought of you with anyone else made Dean want to put his fist through a wall. The problem was even though Dean wanted you, he believed that you deserved better than him. You deserved the white picket fence and suburbia, not a darkened bunker underground with a man who wasn't sure he still had anything good left.

It was the reason why he didn't want to tell you how he felt, that, and Dean believed you absolutely hated him and hated being around him in the first place. It's why he buried it beneath the surface for so long.

However, when he was looking at you Dean often forgot the things that happened to him. You made him want to keep getting back up to fight if not for anyone else, for you.

But then Ben had shown up.

When you'd gotten dragged to another universe, Dean had tried everything in his power to get you back. He'd screamed and prayed for Cas so loud and so many times he went hoarse, he'd looked through almost every book he knew of to find the spell to bring you back to no avail, tried several rituals that promised results but gave him nothing, looked at his computer screen for so long that it made him cross-eyed, and drank coffee so strong it made his heart race.

But all Dean knew was that you were somewhere else alone, where he couldn't get to you or protect you, and it made him sick. He hated the thought of you alone trying to fight your way to survival in a place like the Endverse. When Cas finally came five days later and helped Dean bring you back, Dean had been so happy to see you that he'd almost hugged you, but instead he'd made an off-brand joke and you'd run into Sam's arms for a hug that made his chest tight.

Dean thought that he was having a nightmare when he saw Ben, a man who looked so much like himself, stride into the motel room confidently and kiss you. Dean was waiting for you to push him away, to tell him to fuck off, but you didn't, you liked it. And judging by the sounds Dean was hearing through the wall he could see that you wanted Ben.

All it did was piss Dean off that another version of himself got to have you and he didn't. Not when he'd known you longer and you'd only known Ben for five days.

Five fucking days. She's known that asshole for five days and she likes him. She's known you for years and she can't even stand to be in the same room with you.

The thought made Dean's heart clench in his chest. He didn't understand what Ben had that he didn’t have, he was him after all as Dean kept saying over and over to you. But Dean knew that deep down the real thing he was telling you over and over was not that Ben was him, but rather was asking the question: "why not me?"

Does she really hate me that much that she can't stand the thought of being with me? That she can stand to be with someone who looks exactly like me, but can't stay in a room with me for more than ten seconds?

Dean gets out of bed, stomps out the door, and down the hallway towards the library to try and escape the sounds coming from your room. They vibrate down the hall after him, like a flock of seagulls, mocking him all the way and doing little to ease the anger and jealousy swirling beneath his skin.

Sam is sitting in a chair with a large volume in front of him and a piece of notebook paper scribbling furiously when Dean enters the library, but he doesn't appear surprised to see his brother.

"That better be a way for use to get rid of the walking Trojan ad." Dean huffs, throwing himself into the chair across from his brother.

Please let them be using protection. The last thing I want is to be stuck here to raise super baby. I had enough problems with Jack.

Sam gives him a sympathetic look, and pushes his long hair back behind his ears. "Sorry. I'm researching a case in Kentucky, but Cas said that he'd be back in a few hours-"

"He said that ages ago! I want that asshole gone now." Dean's hand tightens on the arm of the chair, so tight that his knuckles are white.  He was happy that the library seemed to be far enough away from your room to escape the noise, but he knew it was happening, which didn’t help at all. "I don’t understand what she sees in that dick."

Sam hesitates for a moment, tapping his pen against the notebook paper.

"Just spit it out Sammy." Dean sighs.

"He might be an asshole to you, but not to her." He replies simply.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Well you're kinda…" Sam shrugs and leans back into his chair trying to find the words.

"I'm kinda what?"

"You’re kinda a dick to her." He finishes. "She's getting fed up with it. The other day she told me that she's been thinking about moving out and going back on her own. I've been trying to talk her out of it-"

Dean's blood ran cold. He hated the thought of you leaving again, it meant that he wouldn't know where you were or if you were alive and he wouldn't be able to make sure you were prepared for a hunt or at least be there to have your back if something went wrong- because let's face it, something always went wrong. "What? What the hell are you taking about?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because she hasn't made up her mind."

"But why?"

"Because ever since the first time we’ve been going on hunts with her, you’ve been rude and-"

Dean interrupts his brother with a shout. "What? Do you expect me to hold her fucking hand? We’ve seen experienced hunters get killed out there with one simple mistake! And she’s just some amateur-"

"Dean, she's not an amateur." Sam sighs as if he can't understand why Dean was being so difficult.

He was. Sam was used to it whenever the subject of you came up in front of Dean, but honestly his brother's stubborn attitude when it came to you was annoying him.

"She is!" Dean snaps back wishing that he had a beer.

"No, she’s not." Sam shakes his head. "She’s been doing this just as long as we have. You know who her mom was and you know that her mom was just as hard on her as our dad was on you-"

At the mention of their father, Dean can feel his jaw tighten, memories flashing across his mind that he wanted to forget. The cold feeling of disapproval begins to creep up his spine to his shoulders, but Dean shakes it off. "That doesn’t matter."

"I think it does."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, Dean you keep saying that he’s you, but I'm starting to think that she's you."

"You need to stop using all those hair products Sammy, they're messing with your head-" Dean scoffs.

"Just listen to me for a minute." Sam points at him with the pen. "She might be stubborn and sarcastic on the outside, but she's not callous or emotionless. She hides what she's feeling deep down, just like you do. And I think that she likes Ben because he doesn't hurt her and he makes her feel wanted."

But I do want her.

The thought rises before Dean could stop it and he wonders if you'd spent all these years thinking that he didn't want you around when it was all he thought about. Every decision he made was to try and protect you, to put you first, and the thought that you didn't see that hurt him.

"I'd never hurt her-" Dean's voice comes out a little softer and more broken than he meant it to, catching slightly on the words.

Sam shakes his head. "Not physically. But the two of you have been doing this for years and I think that she's sick of you treating her the way you do and then she met Ben. She met another version of you who appreciates her. I know that you’re a little jealous-"

"I am not jealous!" Dean says on instinct, but Sam knows the truth, he's always known the truth, and Dean knows it too.

Sam rolls his eyes at his brother. "You should talk to her. Take Ben out of it and talk to her the way you talk to other people."

"I talk to her like I talk to other people." Dean grumbles as he gets up out of his chair intent on going to the kitchen to get a beer or something stronger to take the edge off.

"No you don't. So go talk to her." Sam waves a hand in Dean's direction before his gaze drops back down to the book.

"She's kinda preoccupied." Dean mutters under his breath and the image of you and Ben tangled up in your bed makes him flinch.

Sam looks up at his brother again, sympathy flashing in his eyes. "Dean-"

"Just leave me alone Sammy."

And with that he turns and makes his way towards the kitchen, hoping that he won't be able to hear Ben and you, and wishing that you hadn't met Ben in the first place.

Reader POV

Ben mutters something in his sleep, rolling his body towards yours so close that his muscular right arm brushes against your bare shoulder. He was laying on his stomach, his face pressed into one of your many pillows, snoring softly, and taking up most of your bed.

It wasn't hard to. The full sized bed was hardly big enough for you, let alone two people, especially not someone as tall and broad as Ben. Which became more obvious when you noticed that Ben's feet were hanging off the end.

You sigh, laying on your back and staring up at the cracks in your ceiling, unable to fall asleep. You followed each one with your eyes, tracing the shapes they made like someone watching the clouds on a hill bathed in sunlight. You'd thought that after everything Ben and you did for the past two hours you'd be able to fall asleep as easily as he did, but you couldn't because your mind was awake and roaming everywhere it could.

It wasn't that you hadn't had a good time with Ben or hadn't wanted to have sex with him. Ben didn't force you into anything. You wanted to have sex with him. You had missed him and it had been a while for you, and you liked Ben. The problem was that now, after, there was an odd feeling stirring in the pit of your stomach, something that felt surprisingly like guilt.

I have nothing to be guilty about.

You chide yourself, hands curling and uncurling on the edge of the blanket the longer you stared up at the ceiling. But it was still there, bubbling up beneath the surface. Your mind kept slipping back into the memory of Dean and you in the broken auditorium.

Each time you closed your eyes you were back in Dean's arms, looking up at him while he pushed your hair out of your face and asked you if you were alright, his eyes filled with something that looked suspiciously like worry. He'd never acted gentle or caring like that before with you and you still felt odd from everything that happened.

Fuck. What is happening to me? I just spent the last two hours with Ben, I shouldn’t be thinking about anyone else but-

You sigh again and shut your eyes, but it just brings the image back to haunt you.

You hadn't had any thoughts like this about Dean, not ever, and you didn't know why now. You'd spent years thinking that he was a big jerk who hated you, but the Dean you saw earlier today was far from that.

In the past, Dean had your back a few times, but it hadn't been like earlier. He'd never held you close, covered you with his body as if he didn't care what happened to himself as long as you were safe, and he'd never brushed your hair away with such tenderness it made your heart flutter in your chest.

No. Dean has been a total dick from the moment I met him, he hates me, he-

The thought stutters to a stop when the hurt and jealousy in Dean's eyes when you kissed Ben comes flashing back through your mind.

Does he? Or did I just interpret that wrong? Maybe it was just the hatred he had towards Ben flaring but… why does he hate Ben? He has no reason to.

But despite everything that Dean had done to you over the years, you didn't hate him.

Even though he tap danced on your last nerve whenever he opened his mouth and often made you feel stupid you couldn't, not when you saw the way he cared so much for other people. Dean Winchester was selfless, he always put other people first and was willing to sacrifice himself if it meant someone else got to be happy and got to live.

You glance at the man lying in the bed next to you. Ben was handsome and strong. He possessed some of the qualities of Dean that you found attractive, but he treated you differently. It was what drew you to him when you got trapped in Ben's reality, not just that he looked like Dean, but that Ben joked with you, teased you, and he seemed to generally care about you.

Dean didn't act that way with you. At least, you'd never seen Dean act that way before today. Today was different than any other day and you wished that it hadn't been.

Ben mutters something else, and this time he leans more towards you, his arm coming up around your waist to hold you against his side. The warmth and weight of it was familiar, but it made the feeling of guilt grow larger in your stomach.

Why is this happening? I didn’t feel guilty the last time I had sex with him.

Your eyes trace the way his dark hair has fallen into his face and over the pillow, and you reach up to push some of the strands back from his face. But with it comes the ghost of how you wanted to do the same thing to Dean earlier, that your fingertips had itched to feel his brownish golden hair in your hands.

Before he'd drifted off Ben had asked you to come with him when Cas sent him back to where he was from, said that he wanted you there with him. You had an inkling that it was the first time that Ben had asked something so serious from a woman. But you weren't convinced that it was because Ben wanted to have a relationship, rather that he didn't want to be alone.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't considering it. Ben was kinder to you, gentle (in his own way), and he seemed to appreciate having you around. But there was something holding you back.

At first you thought it was Sam. He was your best friend and you didn't want to abandon him, but there was another feeling, an ache deep down that you didn't know the cause of. Other than Sam there really wasn't anything in this universe that would hold you back from going with Ben, but obviously there was, you just couldn't figure out what.

Sure Ben's reality was fucked up… yours was too. Demons and Angels duking it out for supremacy while other creatures hid under beds and in the dark to kill people or worse wasn’t ideal either. But you weren't sure what your life could look like there. There wasn't anything to hunt which meant you'd probably be dealing with supes instead and the thought wasn’t appealing. You weren't sure that you belonged in his world.

Maybe I should have asked him to stay with me?

The thought made you bite the inside of your cheek. You'd been thinking about moving out of the bunker. Yes it was the only permanent home you'd ever known, but Dean was getting on your nerves and you thought that maybe you should get a little bit of distance from him. Moving out and Ben staying meant that he could come with you on hunts, but you weren't sure that was the solution either. Ben was strong and brave, but you weren't sure that he had the precision or the delicate side you needed when approaching a hunt to do well here.

It was these thoughts that were keeping you awake and you decide to get some water to clear them.

You slowly begin to slip out from under the covers, gently moving Ben's arm off of you as slowly as you can as to not wake him before you make your way to your dresser to find a clean pair of panties and an oversized t-shirt. Ben sighs and shifts in the bed, the sheets pulling down just a little bit so you can admire the expanse of his freckled muscular back.

You'd seen Dean shirtless before once. He had come running out of his room with his gun drawn when you'd stubbed your toe on your bedside table and yelled. He hadn't put on a shirt before coming into your room, just aggressively kicked down the door wearing only a pair of hotdog pajama pants that you did mock him relentlessly for afterward. You didn't know why he'd looked so frantic when you yelled. It was just a toe after all. There wasn't anything for him to be worried about. Sam had showed up maybe ten minutes later rubbing the sleep from his eyes not worried at all.

But you'd remembered how Dean had looked shirtless. Sometimes the thought came flying into your mind at the most inopportune times, when Dean pissed you off and stuck his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips and the warmth of his skin through he air. The thought of him shirtless with his pajama pants hung so low on his hips that you could see every single hard defined muscle of his abdomen including the ones that made smart girls like you stupid.

You slipped on the clothes, but stop before you open the door to cast one more glance at Ben.

Although you knew that Ben and your relationship was more physical, there was a part of you that believed it could grow into something more if you went with him, something that you'd been wanting for a little while. Not just Ben specifically, but with someone.

Yes you were lonely, and Ben lessened the ache whenever he was around, but sometimes you wanted more than this and being a hunter didn’t help at all.

You never met anyone or tried to have a real relationship with anyone in a long time. The last permanent boyfriend you'd had wasn't a hunter, but someone you'd met in a bar after a hunt with Dean and Sam. It lasted Four months. Four months of you missing anniversaries, dates, and his birthday. He'd accused you of cheating on him with Sam and you'd found him in bed with his work partner when you'd tried to surprise him one weekend. You hadn't been surprised. Surprising was when the guy had tried to follow after you and both Dean and Sam had blocked his path and told him to "get lost." That was putting it nicely.

Sam had to hold Dean back from breaking the guy's arm when he shouted over the two of them at you that you "weren't worth the trouble." You didn’t understand why Dean was also just as pissed at the idea of the guy cheating on you as Sam.

You shake off the thought and tiptoe out of the room in the direction of the kitchen.

The bunker was silent, the metal floors cool beneath your bare feet as you walked down the desolate hallways. You glance at Dean's closed door for a moment as you pass and the feeling in the pit of your stomach tightens. A flash of the emotions on his face when you kissed Ben in the car and at the school flickers through your mind and you clench your jaw.

What the hell is wrong with me?

When you enter the kitchen you realize that you're not alone. Dean is leaning over the metal table his large hands braced on the top, his back to you, and his head bowed. A bottle of expensive whiskey sits on the counter in front of him next to a glass with the maple colored liquid inside. But the weird thing was that this wasn't the usual stuff Dean drank. This was the bottle that he had Sam hide from him for emergencies, the stuff that you'd only seen Dean drink when he was really upset and nothing else would cut it.

But what?

He turns when he hears you walk in.

You watch his eyes darken slightly as they skate over what you're wearing making your cheeks flush. You didn’t think he was still awake. If you had, you would have wore more than your favorite Metallica t-shirt that was worn soft from years of wear. Dean's gaze catches on the end of it where it hits mid-thigh, lingering a second too long, and makes something spark in your chest.

"Sorry. I was just getting some water." You clear your throat awkwardly.

"Romeo didn't get it for you?" Dean frowns as if the thought of Ben is an annoyance to him.

"No, he's asleep." You shake your head. "I thought you were asleep too-"

"Kinda hard to be sweetheart when the two of you are shooting a porno in the room next door to mine."

You feel your cheeks flush an even brighter pink. You didn't know that Ben and you were being that loud. The bed was a little squeaky, but you hadn't worried about the sound. The icky feeling in the pit of your stomach is back, the guilt rising in a wave the more you realize how much Dean heard.

Again? Why am I guilty? Ben and I had fun, he didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to have sex with him but-

"I'm sorry. I didn't know we were being that loud." You shake off the feeling and move around Dean to get a glass from one of the shelves.

"Guess he was making up for lost time huh? All those lonely months away from you fucking other women were hard I guess." Dean's words bite through the air and made your own temper flare up.

"He's not cheating on me. We weren't exclusive-"

"But you haven't been with anyone since you came back from his world."

Your hand freezes around the glass you reached for on the shelf. Why did he notice that? And why does he care?

The flicker of emotion in Dean's eyes when you kissed Ben in the auditorium comes roaring back, jealousy and hurt. It makes the guilt worse.

You let out a breath to calm the anger that wishes to bite back at Dean's comment. "Look, I know that you don't like him, but Ben isn't a bad person and even though it's not any of your business, we had fun."

You don't know why you felt the need to justify what you'd done with, but the words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Standing here in front of Dean felt awkward, and it never had before. And it wasn't just because of what you were wearing, there was something else charging the air between the two of you. You were expecting a giant purple elephant to appear in the corner.

Dean chuckles, his eyes dark. "Did you now?"

"Yes." You reply, but you can't hold his gaze, not when he's looking at you like that.

Dean takes a long swig from the glass in front of him, his lips curling on the edges in a cruel smirk. This was the Dean you saw more often, the one that made you feel like a failure and a bother, but it was the first time that you longed to see the soft Dean who protected you from the fallen debris.

"I could hear just how much fun the two of you were having sweetheart." He continues. "But the man who isn’t a bad person toasted a woman that he slept with without batting an eye. Imagine what he'd do to you."

"A woman who was going to kill me." You say to defend Ben. "And he wouldn't hurt me."

Dean's eyes flick down to your thighs, his gaze hardening. "What do you call those?"

You glance down at the place where your shirt meets your thighs and notice the bruises. There were five on each leg and each was a perfect imprint of Ben's fingertips. They didn't hurt and you certainly hadn't felt or noticed them before Dean pointed them out.

But you knew that Ben would never hurt you. He wasn't like that.

Sure he killed that woman today, but she was crazy and she was trying to kill me and-

"He didn't it on purpose. He's stronger than us and sometimes-"

"Don't you dare make excuses for that asshole." Dean growls eyes flashing. "I don't care if he didn't do it on purpose, he still did it. He knows how strong he is and if he can't control himself he shouldn't be sleeping with you!"

"You're being ridiculous!" Ice clinks against the sides of your glass as you make your way back towards the sink.

"No, I'm not. And I want him gone!"

"Oh really?" You snark while placing the glass under the running water in the sink. "I had no idea. You've been so calm and collected since the moment Ben showed up."

Dean opens his mouth to respond, but instead huffs out a breath and pours himself another glass. The amber colored liquid splashes against the sides of the cup as Dean violently picks it up to take another drink.

An uncomfortable silence settles over the kitchen.

The water is cold, but you can't feel it when you take a sip, and you still can't quite look at Dean.

If he really is jealous, why can't he just come out and say it? Why is he being so stubborn and nitpicking someone else?

You sigh quietly to yourself and take another sip of water. The guilt was building again, prickling beneath your skin and bringing an uncomfortable sensation in the pit of your stomach the longer you stand there.

Why am I guilty? Dean being jealous has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him!

You think about going back to your room and being done with it, but you can't something is keeping you in that kitchen with Dean just as something is keeping him there with you.

"He-um-" You swallow. "He asked me to back with him to his universe." 

Dean's entire body tenses as he explodes. "What? Are you fucking kidding me!?"

"No I-"

"Are you seriously considering that?" He demands looking at you like you're crazy.

"Yes. I am." You answer him honestly. There's something hidden beneath the surface that makes you want to tell Dean this. You're not sure if it's morbid curiosity or if it's something else, something that you can't quite place, but you want Dean to tell you what he thinks.

"But why?! You've known that asshole for five days!" Dean snaps back, but you can hear something in his voice, almost as if he's holding himself back from saying something else.

Dean please just say it! Don't keep it in!

"He's not an asshole, he's just rough around the edges." You shrug continuing to make excuses for Ben and thinking about the bruises on your thighs.

"Oh please." Dean rolls his eyes so far into the back of his head you wonder how they didn't get stuck on his brain. "If I took a piece of tree bark and ran it along his arm, he'd make it smooth."

"But-"

"Sam told me that you were unhappy here, but I didn't think you would throw your entire life away to be with that asshole!"

His words make you hesitate for a moment in surprise.

Sam told him that I was thinking about leaving? Why did he tell Dean that?

"What life Dean?" You shout, throwing your arms out to gesture to the entire room. "I don't have anything here! I can't keep a relationship because I let people down. I don't know who my dad is because he walked out on my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant. My mom died four years ago. I go to bed every night wishing for something else to happen but-" Frustrated tears were burning in your eyes now.

You didn't want to cry in front of him, but the urge to was overpowering everything else, the emotions you tried to keep down for so long beginning to curl and reform from the dark recessive parts of your mind where you buried them the night you met Dean Winchester.

"You deserve better than that asshole!" Dean shouts over you taking another step in your direction.

"Oh and what do you think I deserve Dean? Are you saying that I deserve someone like you?

Dean grits his teeth in frustration, anger blazing behind his eyes. "No I-" He finds his words. “I can’t believe you slept with him.”

"Oh good! That dinosaur. Falling back on something familiar, what a typical Dean Winchester move!" You gesture wildly with your hands sloshing water onto the floor. "I don’t understand why you’re so upset about it. We’re both consenting adults. He didn’t force me to do anything.”

You put down the cup to avoid throwing the glass at him.

“I just don’t see why you did it!” He towers over you, his body pulled taunt with his own anger and frustration.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You shouldn’t be sleeping around with people like him!”

Is he out of his MIND?!

"Why not?" You demand, fists curling into balls at your sides because you know that it's not safe to put them anywhere else. The anger that was flaring in your chest was starting to rival how you felt the last time that Dean and you had an argument and you broke his nose. And it had just finished healing a few days ago.

"Because he treats you like a piece of meat!" Dean shouts it so loud you can hear the frying pans hanging in the kitchen clink together

"Do you even hear yourself? I have seen you in bars picking up women after a hunt-"

You had. Countless times. The bravado Dean had when the three of you were still floating on the adrenaline that was pumping through from a hunt you'd seen first hand in the bars where Sam and you sat at a one of the high top tables watching him weave through the crowds with the sound of classic rock blaring over the crackly speakers. You watched Dean find another woman for the night, saw how he tried his best lines and got what he wanted while you sat in the motel room next to his trying to read beside a sleeping Sam and avoid the noises coming from next door.

"This is different!" He fumes.

"How is it different Dean? I want to know!"

Is it different because he's jealous? Or did I just imagine that?

You didn't think that you did.

Dean's face is bright red with the force of his anger and you're sure yours must be too given how it feels like it's on fire.

"He's always touching you or kissing you, putting his fucking hands on you!" Dean's jaw is clenched tight.  "I've never heard him give you one compliment other than how you look-"

You laugh in his face, but it comes out crueler than you meant it to. "In contrast to how many compliments you give me? Because I don't think there's been any of those."

"I compliment you." He huffs back.

"Oh really?" You scoff. "When?"

Dean is quiet for a minute. His eyes drag over you again, but this time the sweep of them bring a heat vibrating against your skin and your throat gets tight. "I like your shirt."

"HA!" You shout triumphant holding up a finger. "That's looks based."

"You didn't let me finish!" He scrambles. "I like your shirt because I like that band too and you have okay taste in music."

"Oh wooowwww. I have "okay taste in music" let me just swoon right here." You wave your hand back and forth. "Fuck you. I have awesome taste in music!"

"That's not what I-"

"And who is it that should I be sleeping around with? You?!" You roll your eyes trying to take a step away from him, but he moves to intercept you.

His fists are clenched so tightly at his sides that his knuckles are white. “I didn’t say that! Don’t put words in my mouth.”

His green eyes darken as he stares down at you, the fluorescent lights above the two of you catching the familiar hard lines of his face. Even though Dean looked like Ben, he still looked like himself in his own way. The familiar crows feet that graced under his eyes, the subtle tilt of his head, the rough stubble that pebbled over his chin and cheeks, the soft freckles, and the green eyes that you always found on you. There was a small scar just barely visible on the bridge of his nose and a few flecked on the edges of his face that made him more handsome.

You'd noticed how handsome he was in the past, but never like this. You'd never looked at Dean as other than someone who annoyed you. And yes he was annoying you now, but there was something else that you could feel threatening to explode, something you buried deep down and refused to unearth.

“I’m not putting words in your mouth Dean, I’m trying to figure out why this is such a big deal to you!”

Why is it a big deal?

“It just is!"

"Why? Because you're jealous?!" You hadn't meant to say it, but Dean's body goes taunt again.

"I am not jealous. I just don’t want you sleeping with him!”

“I think you are! And you’re not my dad Dean. You don’t get to decide who I sleep with!” You'd had enough of hearing him yell at you, of hearing him bitch about something that wasn't any of his business.

Who does he think he is? We're not together.

“That’s not what this is about-“

“Then what is it about Dean?! Why are you so hung up on something that is none of your business?!”

"It is my business!"

"How? How is it your business? Because you think that Ben is you somehow?"

"He is me!" Dean roars again and you wished he would stop saying it, because it was snagging on something in your chest.

A lie that you told yourself when you first started sleeping with Ben. You knew it. That you liked Ben because he looked like Dean and he appreciated you, that he didn't make you feel stupid, or ugly or not worth his time.

"No, he's not!" You shout back shaking off the feelings for what you hope is the final time. “Why do you care so much about this?!”

“Because I-“ Dean shouts, eyes narrowed at you. “Because I just do!”

“WHY?” You poke your finger into his chest. “I don’t care who you think you are. You don’t get to tell me who I can and cannot sleep with!"

“I’m not trying to!”

“Yes you are! And I am so sick of your bullshit Winchester. This is none of your business. None of this is. It's my life! So why don't you just take your unneeded opinion and-"

The rest of your sentence evaporates into thin air as Dean grabs your shoulders so tight you're sure they're be bruises and pulls you in for a searing kiss.

Your body is frozen in shock, the warmth of his lips against yours holding a softness that you'd never known.

Everything about this kiss is different than the ones you'd share with Ben. You knew better than to compare them, but Ben kissed like he meant to devour you. He wasn't hesitant or afraid to take what he wanted when he kissed you, but Dean?

Dean kissed like he wanted you to understand and that he wished to understand himself. Dean's kiss was passionate, filled with enough emotion that it left you breathless. Ben was never afraid to take what he wanted but Dean, he was almost asking, trying to let you understand, and trying to listen to what you wanted.

But just as he deepens the kiss you push him away and slap him across the face. The sharp sound rings through the kitchen and for a moment all you can do is stare at him shocked while the red mark on his face forms.

"What the hell was that for?" Dean shouts, but the emotion in his eyes wasn't anger, it was hurt.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" You shout back still out of breath. The ghost of his lips presses against yours and the taste of the whiskey remains on the tip of your tongue.

"I thought that-" He clears his throat, eyes widening.

"Thought what?"

"That you wanted me to-"

"To what? Kiss me?" The frustration was building again, because yes it had felt good to kiss him, but you hated that he was doing this now. That after years of him hating you, now when you had the possibility of being happy Dean was making this harder for you.

"Well-"

"No." You poke your finger into his chest, and this time you can't hold back the tears. They slip from your eyes, hot against your skin, as you feel every emotion that you'd kept bottled up beginning to surge up in a wave. "You don't get to do this Dean. Not now. Not after years of you treating me like shit."

Dean sighs and reaches for you, but you pull back from him. Hurt flashes in his eyes again and you can feel your own in the center of your chest. "I didn't-"

"Yes, you did. Damn it Dean, I'm not some shiny toy the two of you can fight over."

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"Then why now?" You ask in a half sob.

Dean pauses. "What?"

"Why after years of you hating me-"

"I never hated you." Dean's voice is more of a whisper than anything else.

"Oh bullshit. Yes you do!" You raise your hand to scrub at your cheeks, the tears falling quicker now.

It was the first time that you'd allowed yourself to cry in front of him, and you were fighting the urge to run back to your room. Ben was still there and you didn't know how the hell you were going to explain to you why you were crying.

"Will you just shut your damn mouth for five seconds and let me talk!?" He snaps running his hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm going to break your nose again if you do!"

"You need to because I'm trying to explain-"

"Explain what? Explain that you've completely lost your mind? Explain that all the years of you undermining me, making me feel like a burden, teasing me, yelling at me, making me feel like I was stupid, and driving me absolutely insane, has just been you trying to say that you love me?!"

You hadn't meant to shout that at him. Hadn't meant to say the word love, but now it was there hovering in the air between the two of you. Dean's eyes are locked with yours and you don't think he's taken a breath since you spoke.

Because love was a little word, only four letters, but why did it always seem so heavy? How could one word have the same weight as a loaded gun? How could something so small cause so much pain and so much hurt?

"Yes." Dean looks down at the ground, not able to meet your eyes. He looks ashamed and you can't find the words to fill the silence.

Because Dean Winchester was in love with you. The man who you'd always thought hated you, who you thought wished that you were never around, and who you thought believed you to be an annoyance.

Holy shit.

"I-" He swallows. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much I hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and to talk to me the way you talk to Sam." His voice is quiet, just a soft rumble, but you can hear a tremor on the edge of his words. "I didn't mean to make you hate me."

The words strike you right in the center of your chest and it shocks you so much that you stop crying. You'd seen different sides of Dean before. Seen him angry, happy, annoyed, frustrated, sad… but Dean Winchester had never looked broken around you, not like this, and certainly not over you. Whenever something went wrong Dean would isolate himself from you in his room with a bottle of something to numb the pain. It made you feel like someone was gutting out your insides with a pitchfork.

The silence grows between the two of you again, and his head is still bowed and looking down at the floor in shame.

You exhale softly, controlled by something that you're not sure, and reach out towards Dean's face.

He flinches back from you, eyes rimmed red, looking at you suspiciously as if he believes you're going to break his nose. In hindsight, you supposed it was a reasonable fear to have since you'd done it in the past.

"What are you doing?" He asks, voice cracking. Dean's green eyes have dimmed, looking more like an aged jade pot that's sat outside in the sun for too long.

"Please shut up." You sniffle, the end of your mouth twitching into a smile, before you place your hands on the sides of Dean's face and pull him down to you.

The kiss is quick, only a brush of your lips against his to give yourself a taste and when it's done you pull back letting your hands fall to your sides. You're not sure why you did that. Maybe it's because Dean admitted to loving you and he looks like a lost puppy, but-

Dean steps forward into the space, his hands reaching towards your face, and you flinch.

“What are you-“

“Please shut up.” Dean murmurs, echoing the words you'd whispered to him moments ago.

His hands are rough and warm against your cheeks. Worn from years of carrying a gun in his hand and hard work he never shied away from. But they’re nothing but gentle against your skin as he pulls your face to his.

You could be standing on the surface of the sun and not feel as hot as you do now. A volcano could erupt and bathe you in lava and you would just scoff at it like it was a normal day, because kissing Dean feels infinite. It's all consuming. The scrub of his five o'clock shadow against your cheeks, the slide of his hands down your arms that bring goosebumps in their wake, the smell of his shampoo that you always catch when you walk into the bathroom, the nudge of his nose into your cheek, and the soft supple welcome of his lips that draw the breath from your lungs all take you somewhere otherworldly.

You couldn't stop. It was a compulsion, like magnets, like it was something you wanted to do for so long but buried it deep down to avoid the inevitable. Fueled by the belief that Dean would push you away, because Dean Winchester hated you.

But he didn't, he never did.  And in the kiss is something else, years of emotions the two of you pushed down, years of being frenemies of almost losing each other, years of ignoring what was developing between the two of you, and years of watching the other fall for the wrong person.

Dean moans softly into your mouth and picks you up, his muscular arms fitting under your legs to place you on the counter, not pulling away at all and stepping into the space between them to fit himself closer to you. Your hands come to the back of his head, tangling in the short strands at the nape of his neck, shuffling your nails through his hair in a way that makes Dean shudder and pull you tighter to his chest.

Dean pulls back from you out of breath, but rests his forehead against yours, as if any further is too far from you and he doesn't wish to ever let you go.

"I don't hate you Dean." You whisper before he can say anything. "I can't. And I was only with Ben because I thought that this could never happen because you hated me-"

Dean's lips fall against yours taking your next words with it. "I don't hate you. I never did."

"Then why?"

He sighs. "I hated that you were a hunter, that this was your life, that you'd been doing this for so long with no one helping you."

"I'm okay."

"I know that, but I-" Dean hesitates. "I shouldn't have done what I did, but I didn't think that you'd want this-"

"This?"

"Me." Dean closes his eyes leaning further against you, almost as if he can’t hold himself up.

"Why?" Your grip on the back of his neck tightens.

"Because I'm-" He tries to find the word. "I'm not perfect. I'm a jealous asshole. I've done terrible things, made you cry.” He sighs. “You deserve better."

You kiss him softly. "There is no one better. I'm not looking for perfect, I'm looking for human. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake and being imperfect. The imperfections are what make you, you." Your fingers curl into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Dean, you're not a bad person. You are the most selfless man I have ever met. And maybe you've messed up a few times, but I have too. Do you think I'm a bad person for the things I've done?"

There was a list of them that seemed to grow longer each day and it was difficult not to dwell on the things of the past. But standing here with Dean, watching the weight settle on his shoulders, while he told you that he didn't think he was enough for you made you throw it all away.

"No.”

“Do you think that I’m not deserving of love?”

“No. But-"

 You shush him. "Then don’t talk that way about the man I love."

Dean's eyes widen, but you watch the end of his lips twitch into a smile. "You love me?"

"Yeah." You whisper. "I think I always have, but I was afraid because you were-"

His mouth falls over yours so fast you don’t have time to finish the thought. "I love you too."

Your heart flutters in your chest with his words.

"Kinda hard not to." His thumbs stroke along your hip bone over the soft t-shirt sending electricity dancing along your spine.

You smirk. "You're right. I am pretty great."

"I think the word you're looking for is high maintenance." Dean smirks back at you.

"Aww… That means I'm out of your league and you're lucky to have me in your life." You giggle with a smile.

"I am." He murmurs, nudging his nose forward into yours moving in for another kiss.

Someone clears their throat from the other side of the room drawing your eye. Ben is leaning against the doorway dressed in his suit, watching where you're wrapped up in Dean's arms.

Any warm feelings you were having standing there with Dean immediately evaporate and the guilt comes roaring back. You'd forgotten that Ben was still here and you felt bad for him. You didn't want him to think that you used him.

"Ben I-" You begin to stutter, but he only shakes his head at you.

"You don't gotta explain anything doll, I know what this was." Ben smirks, but you see something flicker in his gaze for just a second before its gone.  "And I'm man enough to admit when I'm beat. Even if I don't like it."

"But-" You try to say again.

Oh this is so awkward.

"Don't do me any favors sweetheart, we had fun." Ben shrugs. "That's all this was."

Cas walks into the room with Sam at his heels, who looks much too smug when he spies where Dean has you on the counter. You push Dean back and stand up, while Dean shoots daggers with his gaze leveled at Sam.

Sam isn't phased, but chooses not to say anything.

Ben rolls himself off the doorway and walks confidently to where Dean and you are standing, extending his hand towards Dean. "You take care of her." Ben's eyes flick to you for a second before focusing more on Dean. "She's special."

The hand of guilt on your throat tightens just a little more, because somewhere you wondered if Ben really was as aloof as he seemed or if he had started to care about you a little more than he let on.

"I will." Dean's smile is forced, and you see him squeeze Ben's hand a little tighter as he does.  It only makes Ben smirk wider.

Cas begins to write the symbol on the floor taking care with each intricate detail to open the portal, but you stop him at the last minute.

"Wait." You take a step forward and hug Ben tightly. "Thank you."

"You're thanking me for fucking you?" Ben snorts throwing a smug look in Dean's direction that makes Dean bristle. "Guess I am a gift."

"Shut up." Your cheeks blaze bright red and you hear Dean growl something under his breath. "No, just thank you. For being here."

Ben hesitates. He raises his hand to your cheek, fingers tracing along your skin before he brushes away some of your hair. It was a gentle gesture from him, one that you weren't accustomed to. The emotion in his eyes shifts to something else, but he hides it with a smirk. "You're welcome sweetheart."

"Maybe you'll meet the me from your reality." You say, because you're not sure what else you can say, not when Ben is looking at you like that.

The entire situation was again reaching soap opera proportions and there was only so much you could take before you drove your car off a cliff.

The truth was, you did like Ben. You thought he was attractive, bold, strong, but there was always something a little gentle that lurked under the surface he never let anyone else see.

But you loved Dean. He understood what it was like to be a hunter, understood what it was like to not be able to live up to someone's expectations, and he loved you. You couldn't see a life with Ben, but you could see one with Dean. Ben didn't belong in your world and you didn't belong in his.

Ben's smirk twitches. "Maybe. But she won't be the same as you doll."

Dean clears his throat and steps forward to pull you back into his chest possessively. "I think your ride's leaving." You don't have to look up into his face to know he's frowning.

Ben chuckles. "You know what kid? You're alright." His eyes flick back to yours. "You give me a call if you get bored with him."

"She won't." Dean snaps. “And don’t call me kid.”

Ben only laughs at him and steps closer to Cas as he begins to finish the ritual and when the portal finally opens, Ben goes through without looking back.

And you don’t feel guilty anymore, because you knew that Ben understood.

"Finally." Dean breathes a sigh of relief that makes you snort, dropping his head to your shoulder. It was so casual that you had to remind yourself that Dean loved you and you loved him.

Sam clears his throat. "Hey Cas will you help me with something in the library-"

"What do you have to do in the library?" Cas frowns at him confused.

"Just something come on-"

"But why-"

"CAS!" Sam shouts casting an obvious look in the direction of where Dean and you are standing.

Cas looks at the two of you. "Are they coming with us to the library?"

Sam huffs out a frustrated breath and grabs Cas by the back of his trench coat to drag him out of the kitchen so Dean and you can have a few moments alone.

You snort at the confused look on Cas's face when Sam drags him out, before you turn your body in his arms to look up into Dean's handsome face. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to be jealous of yourself?"

"I thought he wasn't me?" Dean smirks, his eyebrow arching with his tease. His fingers are resting resolutely on your hips, thumbs softly trailing in circles.

"He is a little bit." You admit defeated. "But don't look so smug Winchester."

"I think I'm allowed to be a little bit." His smirk grows and he leans his face down to yours. Instead of feeling angry at the appearance of his smirk it only makes you smile.

Standing here in the aftermath made you see Dean in a different light, made your heart buckle and jump in your chest the longer you stood there in the kitchen basking in the warmth that began to bloom in your chest.

"Maybe…" You gently touch the front of his buffalo print flannel, smoothing the fabric beneath your fingertips. It looked good on him, very little looked bad on Dean.

"Do you regret staying with me?" He mutters.

"What?" You glance back up to see his face and notice that he's not smiling, he's frowning at you, and his eyes aren't as bright.

Dean clears his throat. "Well you seemed like you were really going to miss him and-"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. You throw your arms around his neck and pull him back down to you, putting you everything you have into the kiss, hoping that Dean can feel how you have no regrets staying with him, that all you want is him.

"Dean Winchester." You breathe, moving your hands to cup his cheeks so he can't look away from you. "I do not regret staying with you, because I love you." You pull him as close to you as you can, his warm hands splayed over your back. "This is where I belong." You kiss him on the tip of his nose. "And this is where you belong. With me."

Dean's eyes warm the longer you hold his gaze. "I'm starting to believe you."

"Anything that I can do to convince you?"

"I can think of a few things…"

Ben/Soldier Boy POV

"Stupid, fucking piece of shit!" Ben growled at the computer monitor in front of him that had a bright red ERROR message splayed across it.

It had been two days since he'd left your reality, and he was trying his best to shove away the disappointment at the fact that you hadn't decided to come back with him. It wasn't that Ben wanted more than what the two of you had, it was that he liked having someone to talk to or try to talk to, and you were a good listener.

He didn’t like opening up to people, but there was something about you. He could trust you and Ben hadn't found anyone he could trust since he got back from Russia.

Ben also wasn't about to admit that he was lonely, he had plenty of women who were eager to warm his bed, but there was something about you that always made him feel different. He wasn't sure what that was exactly.

He'd also be lying if he said that he had wanted to explore it a little more if you'd come with him to his reality. The thought of you staying with him for an extended period of time in his apartment hadn't been unwelcome. Ben had never allowed other women to stay more than a day, but you… Ben would have let you stay as long as you wanted to.

Fuck.

He knew that he wasn't in love with you, but Ben knew he liked having you around. He liked being friends with you and he liked fucking you.

And yes he was disappointed that you had chosen Dean instead of him, but at the same time Ben didn't blame you. You had a history with Dean and when you'd been forced into Ben's reality, you'd talked to him a lot about Dean. Ben knew that you liked Dean more than you cared to admit.

But there was still an unwelcome feeling in the pit of his stomach that Ben wasn't accustomed to.

Ben huffed out a breath to push away the thoughts, while looking at what was left of the keyboard on his desk. The keys were scattered across the wooden top like bits of confetti, broken easily underneath his large fingertips when he'd tried to write an email

When he'd come back from Russia, Ben had taken a job working for the Department of Supe Affairs, but he was "grounded" due to the "anger issues" that he swore he didn't have, and because he didn't listen to Butcher whenever he gave him an order.

I don't need to follow orders. I'm Soldier Boy! I should be giving the orders!

Basically it meant that he was stuck on a desk indefinitely until Annie January, the new department head, released him. She'd also ordered that Ben go to company mandated therapy sessions once a week. He'd refused to go, but after Annie threatened him with termination of his contract, which meant that Ben would have gone back to being someone who "looked like someone who used to be famous," he'd gone to therapy.

And he refuses to admit this to anyone… but he liked it. Someone who was paid to listen to him bitch for a whole hour about whatever pissed him off and actually kept their trap shut was just what he needed.

Sometimes it reminded him of when he would talk to you, but there were still things that he refused to tell anyone and some of those things he had told you.

Ben ran his hand through his hair frustrated at his predicament. He would have liked to go into the field and take out some of his frustration on another supe, but Annie refused to give.

Ben didn't like listening to women, but even he had to admit Annie had a set of brass balls and he respected her for it. She didn’t take shit from anyone and especially didn't listen to Ben's bitching over why he should be in the field instead of being chained to a desk.

"Oi you all right mate?" Butcher calls and Ben can hear the shit eating grin without looking up from his computer screen.

The error message was still displayed in bright red letters, mocking him.

Ben knows that Butcher doesn't give a shit, and is probably about to start teasing him about his inability to adapt to modern day technology.

It wouldn't be the first time.

"Don't you have something better to do? Like fucking that little bitch that Annie is ploughing?" Ben spits back, clicking on the mouse but all it does is bring up another error message in another language.

"Oh mon ami, that doesn't look good." Frenchie walks by to stare at the computer screen that has now gone slightly fuzzy.

"I don’t think that's going to fix it mate." Butcher laughs. " But I called IT."

"I don’t need any of those four-eyed fucks helping me!" Ben snaps turning to narrow his eyes at Butcher.

He's holding a white cup of tea, wearing his usual long trench coat and Hawaiian shirt, with the shit eating grin that Ben knew Butcher was going to have when he looked up.

The last thing Ben needed was some nerd telling him everything that he did wrong. He was already on a first name basis with the director of the IT department, who was a little weasel of a man and who no longer picked up the phone when Ben called to yell at him.

"I think you're gonna want to listen to this particular four eyed fuck. She's new." Butcher gloats. "But don’t say I never did anything for you Soldier Boy."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ben shouts at Butcher's back, but he's already gone.

Ben turns back to the error message that has begun to flash an even brighter red and now has a countdown.

"Fuck, fuck fuck-" Ben growled and to remedy the situation he puts his fist through the computer screen. It makes a high pitched electrical popping sound, showering his desk in sparks, while the overhead lights flicker, before the screen goes completely black.

Ben was not stupid, but he was a little slow when it came to modern day technology. He was doing better than he had initially, but it was taking him a longer time to understand using his desktop computer at work than his cell phone.

"Hi, I'm from IT. Mr. Butcher called and said that you might need a little help." The voice was small and tentative, coming from somewhere on Ben's left.

"I don't need any help. Especially not from a fucking four-" Ben started to growl, but then he looked up and the words died in his throat.

Because the person standing next to his desk was you.

This version of you looked different. Ben was used to seeing someone in old band t-shirts, worn blue jeans, and flannel shirts, someone who carried themselves confidently and had a hardness surrounding their outer exterior that simply said "don't fuck with me."

But this version of you was softer and a little gentle. Your hair was longer and pushed back from your face by a simple black headband, you were wearing dark framed glasses, an oversized cardigan sweater that covered a simple pair of blue jeans, a striped blouse, and a pair of dark blue converse. The converse made Ben smile. He hadn't seen anyone wearing Chuck Taylors in a little while and it was a welcome sight, something from the past that he actually recognized.

The version of you Ben knew from Dean's universe flashed through Ben's mind again. She was more confident and outgoing, but you looked a little shy, hiding back in the cardigan and using the iPad in your hands as a welcome distraction to looking Ben in the eyes and like a shield.

He thought it was cute.

As much as Ben liked the version of you he knew who didn't shy away from anything, Ben found himself smiling at this one. You were definitely more soft spoken and a little less confident, but Ben could see a sweetness and sincerity in your eyes that he hadn't come across since he came back to the US.

It was the thing that always made him trust the other version of you, the part of him that made him want to tell the other version of you things that he hadn't told other people.

"I'm sorry." You say, even though you have nothing to be sorry about. "I-"

"No. I'm sorry." Ben clears his throat awkwardly and for the first time in a long time he feels nervous. He wasn't sure why that was, not to mention he never apologized to anyone, ever, but he didn't want to scare you away.

"It's okay." You give him a soft smile. "Computers can be frustrating, but sometimes it’s better not to put your fist through the screen."

Ben chuckles. "Probably not my best work."

You shake your head, a wider smile on your face, the motion of it sending the smell of your perfume over him, something floral and a little old fashioned. You look at the remnants of the computer and bite the inside of your cheek deep in thought.

Ben found himself tracing the furrow of your brows and the scrunch of your nose. You were beautiful in every reality to him.

"Well, Mr. Soldier Boy I don't think-"

"Please call me Ben." He interrupts.

Ben wondered if you were this shy all the time and if you'd be just as shy if he took you to bed. He wanted to find out.

Ben had slept with many women in his lifetime and he was usually drawn to women who were more confident and outgoing, sure of themselves, but there was something about your shy attitude that Ben found attractive.

"Ben." You say it in the soft voice of yours, cheeks flushed a little bit as if you're embarrassed to say it. "I don't think that there's anything I can do for this." Your hand waves over the computer. "But I can go talk to my boss and tell him you need another one."

"I'll go with you." Ben stood up.

He didn’t want to let you out of his sight, not when a part of him worried that you weren’t really there or you would evaporate into nothing before his very eyes.

"Oh, it's okay. You don't have to-" You stammer, shaking your head, and not quite looking at him as if making eye contact was a little harder for you.

"I want to." Ben smiles at you. He hears your heart beat quicken and can hear the small intake of breath you have when he smiles. "He's an asshole and I don't want him to chew you out for something I did." Ben explains.

It was partly true. The guy was an asshole. Not to mention, Butcher had said it was your first day and Ben wasn’t going to stand by and have the head of the IT department screaming at you when you had done nothing wrong.

"Oh." You clear your throat, cheeks blushing that cute pink color that makes Ben smile wider. "Well if you'll just follow me."

He hadn’t met someone like you in a long time. And even though he liked the other version of you, Ben was starting to like this one more.

"To the ends of the Earth doll." Ben winks and watches the flush of your cheeks deepen to a crimson and hears the way your heart buckles and jumps when he does.

And the longer he stands there watching you blush, Ben begins to feel an odd feeling flicker in the pit of his stomach racing up into his chest that he’d never felt before and for the first time in a long time Ben was curious to see where it could lead.

A/N: Alright we made it to the end and everyone got a happy ending! Thank you again everyone for all the love and support while I was writing this mini-series 💗

Reveal of the Poll:

🥫: Meeting the reader from Ben's Universe in a grocery store.

💻: Meeting the reader from Ben's Universe in the IT department.

Personally I liked the IT more, and the problem is now I really like the shy reader with Ben. They are so cute and now I'm hyperfixated on Ben with a shy reader so we'll see where that goes 🤣

Thank you so much for reading! As always likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated, but are not required. I love hearing what y'all think!

Taglist For It's Not A Big Deal:

@roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester @livya99 @zepskies

@winchesterwild78 @ladykitana90 @spnfamily-j2 @whyyouegg

@suckitands33 @pizzagirlxnsfwx @s0uz4s @schinug @just-levyy

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @minas-fantasies @ladysparkles78

@mochminnie @peachhiz

@impala67stellawinchester @nancymcl @lunaleah @lightdancingwords @kamisobsessed

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@thoughtfullyfurryangel @youroldfashioned

@marvelgeeka @myceliumsunshine @hobby27

@funkenniffler

[billiesbabygirleilish]

i dont know if you write platonic fics but can you write fluff about billie’s sister!drummer!reader ? ty if you do!

an: here ya go cutie 😚

Beats and Bonds

┏━━━━•*•*🥁❃°•°❀°•°❃••*.🥁*━━━━┓

┗━━━━•*•*🥁❃°•°❀°•°❃••*.🥁*━━━━┛ The low thrum of the bass drum vibrated through the floor and up into your chest. You grinned, relishing the feeling. Dropping your sticks, you wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans and stretched, the cool air of the studio hitting your heated skin. 

"Alright, that's a wrap for today!" you called out, the sound echoing slightly in the large, soundproofed room. Immediately, a flurry of activity erupted. Roadies began dismantling your drum kit, coiling cables and packing equipment. 

You spotted Billie slouched on a beat-up couch in the corner, her phone glowing in the dim light. She hadn't moved an inch during the entire three-hour rehearsal. You sighed, a familiar mix of exasperation and love bubbling up inside you. Being Billie Eilish's older sister, and her drummer, meant juggling a lot of responsibilities – practical, creative, and emotional. 

Sometimes, you just felt like a glorified babysitter.

Walking over, you plopped down beside her, bumping her shoulder playfully. "Hey sleepyhead, you even hear me playing today?"

Billie jumped, startled, and shoved her phone face down onto the couch. "Of course! You were... amazing," she mumbled, avoiding your gaze.

You raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "Really? What song were we just working on?"

She hesitated, then blurted, "Uh... the one with the... drums?"

You chuckled. "Nice try. Come on, Bils, you gotta pay attention. We're dropping the tempo on 'Lost Cause' by five BPM. It's gonna give it a heavier feel, more grounded.”

Billie finally looked at you, her ocean-blue eyes softening. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm just... stressed. This new album is killing me."

You wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "Hey, it's gonna be okay. You're incredibly talented, and you have an amazing team behind you. Including your super cool, super supportive, and super groovy big sister." You winked.

Billie giggled, leaning into your embrace. "Okay, okay, I get it. You're the best."

"Damn right I am. Now tell me what’s really bothering you. Is it the lyrics? The arrangements? Finneas breathing down your neck?"

Billie sighed, letting the weight of her anxieties spill out. "Everything, really. I feel like everyone's expecting so much, and I'm just terrified of disappointing them. And myself."

You listened patiently, letting her vent. You knew the pressure she was under, the constant scrutiny, the relentless demands. It was a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a twenty-one-year-old.

"Hey," you said softly, tilting her chin up so she met your eyes. "You are not going to disappoint anyone. You are Billie Eilish. You write incredible songs, you have a unique voice, and you have something important to say. Don't let the pressure crush you. Remember why you started doing this in the first place. Remember the joy, the passion, the love of music."

Billie sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Easy for you to say. You're just banging on drums. I'm the one who has to pour my soul out there."

You frowned. "Hey, drumming isn't just 'banging on things'! It's about creating a rhythm, a heartbeat, a foundation for the music. It's about feeling the energy and channeling it through my body. And," you added, nudging her playfully, "it's about making sure your songs sound freakin' amazing."

Billie smiled, a genuine smile that reached her eyes. "Okay, okay, you got me. You’re pretty important to the whole thing."

"Damn straight," you repeated, grinning. "Now, how about we ditch this place and get some ice cream? My treat."

Billie's face lit up. "Seriously? Yes! I've been craving that mint chocolate chip from Dairy Queen all week."

"Consider it a reward for surviving another day of album production hell." You stood up, pulling her with you. "But you have to promise me something."

"What?"

"No more hiding behind your phone during rehearsals. You gotta be present, Bils. We're a team, remember? We're in this together."

"I promise," she said, squeezing your hand.

As you walked out of the studio, the setting sun casting long shadows across the parking lot, you felt a sense of peace settle over you. You knew the road ahead would be challenging, but you also knew that Billie was strong, resilient, and incredibly talented. And you were there, by her side, ready to bang on the drums, offer a shoulder to cry on, and provide endless amounts of sisterly love.

Later that evening, after demolishing two scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream each, you found yourselves sprawled out on Billie's bed, watching a cheesy rom-com. Billie's head was resting on your lap, her fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on your jeans.

"Y/N?" she mumbled, her voice drowsy.

"Yeah, Bils?"

"Thanks. For everything."

You smiled, running your fingers through her choppy black hair. "Anytime, little sis. Anytime."

The movie continued to play, but neither of you was really paying attention. You were content, simply being together, two sisters sharing a moment of quiet intimacy amidst the chaos of their lives. You knew, deep down, that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would always have each other. And that, you realized, was the most important thing of all. You knew that your role, as her sister, was to be the steady beat in her life, the rhythm she could always count on. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Sam actually tells her over coffee, big soft brown eyes all but pleading her to come to his wedding, and well, of course Alice is like "sure. So happy for you. That's great. I mean, I'll even dress super lowkey so you don't feel like running away with me at your own wedding and all-" and Sam smiles that smile that means "I know you're only half joking and i'm sorry and it's awkward but i also love you too much not to invite you" which tears Alice apart a little and he's like "that's so nice of you, thank you. Tell Luke he can come too as well? If he wants?"

and Alice is like "wow dude. get him his own invite. i'm definitely getting a plus one. You're getting married in, what? 8 months? I'll have met my own love of my life at this point"

Cue Alice, eight months later, begging - begging Colin at work: "you have to come. C'mon. Aren't we friends. We'd make SUCH a good couple. It's just an evening." and Colin is like "Alice. Y'know i would if i could but i CAn'T because of that Stupid Computer-" and then she turns to Teddy and he's like "I already told you i was away on that day, I'm sorry Alice" actually kindly and she's groans and falls on her desk dramatically going "Well I can't possibly go and invite LENA." then "Do you think Lena might-" and then, from behind her computer, comes Gwen's voice: "Oh my god, Alice. I'll come. Can we PLEASE go back to focusing on WORK, please?"

There's silence. Teddy and Colin raise their eyebrows at Alice. She raises her eyebrows back at them. Colin snickers. Alice glares at him. She rolls her chair over to Gwen. "Seriously?" she says. Gwen glares at her. "Seriously. Anything to stop hearing about this." "Gwen," says Alice. "If you actually seriously help me, you ARE going to hear about this LOTS MORE. We'll need undercover stories. We'll need -"

Gwen just looks exasperated: "We met at work. We didn't like each other at first because we're both vastly different but the attraction and chemistry was indeniable. You won me over by treating me decently and I taught you SOME responsability. We realized we're stronger together than separate. You're the love of my life and I enjoy it when you stick it to the man because it makes me feel rebellious compared to my own upbringing. There. Satisfied?"

Alice just stares at her.

Gwen starts to feel her cheeks go very pink.

"We'll need to practice kissing, was what i was gonna say." alice finishes.

"I don't like PDA," Gwen says back.

"Then what the fuck is this right now," Colin mutters to Teddy.

[toto-the-cactus]

A fun question for the girl dad Primarchs. How do they feel about finding out that their daughter has a space marine lover from another Chapter. (Like mother, like daughter. They saw a big man in armor and decided they wanted to climb that like a tree.)

Guess what anon? You got me writing shit.

Hope you like this family drama and especial mention to @jaghatai-khock who let me use his sweet blorbo Callahan to be inserted in this shit show.

-°-

It was no secret that Lion El’jonson held a certain amount of irritation about anything that had to do with the Space Wolves Legion. Whether it was their own behavior or their beliefs that clashed with those of the Dark Angels Legion, it was a matter thrown out in the air for anyone to guess.

That’s why Eireen simply knew that the instant her father got wind of her meeting secretly with one the astartes that belonged to her uncle’s legion, hell will be brought upon her and, in consequence, making her already ermetic and busy schedule become even more unbearable.

Besides… it wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong!

It was a nice and friendly… meet up with someone that she had become quite close after a few conjoined campaigns that her father had with uncle Russ.

Cadoc had been a bit abrasive and loud the first time she met him, staying just respectful enough to not be considered rude or out of line. Her entourage of serfs had been scandalized when he had simply come up to her and asked for a sparring match to test her fighting skills out of genuine curiosity.

“This is probably one of the few chances I’ll get to spar with the trueborn of a Primarch. I’m really excited about it!” he had told her that day and, for a reason that still escapes her understanding, Eireen had felt her face burn at his words.

The redhead astartes had flashed a sharp smile back then, a challenge in that expression to try and get a reaction out of her and for the first time in her life… she felt like someone actually treated her as the warrior that she had been raised to be and not just some maiden to be protected.

Now? It became almost a ritual for them both to try some nice training session before deciding to take a nice break hidden behind the lush bushes of her mother’s garden. After some Dark Angels had ruined the flowers of the Lady of Caliban by walking alongside Eireen one morning, it had been nailed over everyone’s head that anyone wearing ceramite armor was forbidden to get close to the garden.

It was quite the convenience that the garden wasn’t so terribly far from the sparring arena.

Eireen had even memorized the schedule of it to make sure that no astartes of her father would see them both training.

For as much as the young lady felt like she wasn’t doing something criminal of any kind, even her mother had suggested to keep her little friendship hidden from her father until she knew how to tell him that her first ever friend (and crush) was a Space Wolf astartes.

“He can be a bit… overbearing sometimes, my dear. Especially if he thinks that this will be the perfect excuse for Leman to rush in and take you away from him” the look on her mother’s face said enough that even she found that logic a bit extreme and farfetched, but her next words almost made her scoff in disbelief. “He cares for you dearly and the idea of you going away scares him”

Eireen honestly felt like she was in her right to be skeptical about her father’s priorities when regarding her future.

All her life she had been reminded of the responsibilities she’ll have to carry on in the Imperium as the child of a Primarch. A weight that had been sitting over her neck ever since she could understand words.

But Cadoc was the one fresh gush of wind that she didn’t know she needed.

She could complain about her father and his astartes without looking like some traitor in the making. Instead of judgmental stares, the redhead marine would point out her mistakes in posture and correct them without belittling her worth.

‘I don’t want this to end’, she thought with a mix of joy and resignation.

“Hey!” he called her, finally pulling her out of her spiraling thoughts once a stalemate was met between the two when both battle axe and long sword didn’t yield a bit. “There was something I wanted to ask you but it also involves the Primarch and Legion Mother of the Dark Angels”

Oh no. That was going to be complicated.

“O-oh… Well… that’s going to…”

“EIREEN!”

Oh no no no no!

“Lion! By the damned throne, stop this nonsense!” and just right behind her father, there was her mother running with all her might to try and catch up with the Primarch.

“I’m not speaking with you, woman!”

Eireen admitted with some shyness that she had clumsily scrambled in panic to get back up from where she and Cadoc rested after their spar, a heavy weight dropping like a rock on her stomach at the scowl merring her father's face when looking over her friend.

The fact that the red-haired Space Wolf just smiled at her father after bowing his head in respect to the Primarch didn’t help at all.

“Eireen, you were supposed to be attending your diplomatic and history lessons” said the demigod in a strange mix of awkwardness and anger. It was easy to see how it took a lot of effort from him to not scoff when his eyes landed once again on her companion and friend. “Not lazing around here at your mother’s garden”

‘With him’ was the unsaid part of that sentence. Years of learned discipline were the only thing preventing the young girl from letting a very unladylike growl at how her father regarded the one single friend she had ever made.

“I… I had a few minutes free before my lessons, father” she defended, barely able to keep her stutter in check before her father scolded her for it. “I thought… I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to train my abilities with the long sword”

Lion opened his mouth ready to berate her for it (that was pretty obvious), but her mother interrupted just in time to save her from the awkwardness that was starting to build up between the few presents. It was a miracle that no Dark Angel had followed her parents here, but considering how stern the Lady of Caliban was when regarding her garden, Eireen counted her blessings by choosing this place as their hiding spot.

Small mercies.

“That’s very responsible of you, my love” it was amazing how easily her mother knew how to play with her father’s own methods and words against him. “Don’t you think, Lion? You always say that Eireen needs to practice her swordsmanship technique on the offensive. Even one of the astartes of your brother’s Legion is helping her!”

More than hearing, both ladies felt the rumble of a growl that begged to be free from the Primarch’s throat, who clearly didn’t find amusing being called out in his own hypocrisy.

“Enough of this disrespect! Eireen, go to your brother” said Lion after he managed to get a grip over his temper. “Callahan will make sure that you assist your lessons… without distractions”

Now it was the turn of the young lady to feel her face blush in embarrassment at the idea of being treated like she was still a toddler; one that needed to hold her brother’s hand all the time to find her way around everywhere they went.

“Actually! This is an excellent chance, my Lord and Lady. There was something important that I need to discuss”

That got everyone’s attention.

“Cadoc… what are you-”

“I wish to start my courting towards the Primarch’s daughter: Eireen”

The poor young girl swore that if more blood rushed to her face, she'd end up fainting on the spot.

The reaction of both her parents were quite a poem of different emotions; ranging from enraged shock to amazed confusion from both her father and mother respectively.

For a long moment, no one dared to even breathe too loud.

Eireen found herself staring straight at Cadoc’s face to try to see if this was some tasteless attempt of teasing from him… but the only thing that she managed to discover was a warm and peaceful look on his hardened expression when he stared at her back.

Oh, Grandfather almighty! She felt her heart flip inside her ribcage.

This was bad. Horrible bad timing too. The girl already saw the groundbreaking refusal her father was about to throw at Cadoc’s courting proposal.

“ABSOLUTELY…!”

“FINALLY!! JUST SAY YES TO HIM, EIREEN!”

And now, the poor girl could only cover her face in crushing embarrassment at the scream her brother had thrown while waiting for her at the edge of their mother’s garden.

How long had he been hearing?!

-°-

Dis me each time yall feed me ideas

[earthlyangelbby]

Chapter 7 Closer, Closer

Word count: 6k

NSFW

All Chapters

Chapter 7 Closer, Closer Chapter 6 Chapter 8 TBD

Summary: After a miscommunication and a small argument in Eddie's van you asked him to skip the rest of the school day with you. Your house is empty till 8pm tonight so the two of you head over and the confessions of some of your feelings get you both pretty hot and bothered. CW: Mutual Masturbation, Dirty talk, nipple play if you squint, and aftercare.

February 11th, 1986; at your house

What caught Eddie’s attention were the pictures taped to the mirror, pinned to the corkboard, and scattered across the wall. Shots of him, Gareth, Jeff, Grant, and Diana, frozen in time. Some of you and your mom. 

He stepped closer, eyes landing on a faded photo from seventh grade. The six of you at the lake, sunburned and grinning. His arm was slung around you, both of you in the dorkiest swimwear imaginable, his board shorts too big, your one-piece obviously picked by your mom.

He let out a quiet laugh. “I was so dorky-looking.”

You peered over his shoulder, smiling. “Yeah, but we all were.”

Eddie’s gaze shifted to another photo just him, younger, hair shorter, caught mid-laugh.

“You kept all these?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Of course I did.”

He shook his head, smiling. He looked like a total dork in most of them, but knowing you’d kept them that they meant something made his chest feel strangely warm. Eddie traced his fingers which was basically a collage of all the people you love. “I didn’t know you were so sentimental, sweetheart.” He spots a photo of him you had taken. Eddie’s eyes scanned the wall, landing on a familiar shot. It was the one him sprawled on Gareth’s couch with his guitar, trying to channel some rockstar swagger. He raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smirk. “Oh, so this is the one, huh?” He chuckled, tilting his head like he couldn’t believe it. “You chose a picture where I’m clearly trying to look like I belong in Rolling Stone?”

You bit your lip, suddenly a little self-conscious, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “I mean... yeah,” you admitted, sheepishly. “It was supposed to be like an iconic shot.”

Eddie leaned in, his grin widening as he crossed his arms, clearly having way too much fun with this. “So you’re telling me, you hung this up because you thought I looked like some rockstar in the making?” He let out a fake sigh of mock exasperation. “I didn’t know I had a secret fangirl.”

You couldn’t help but flush, a mix of embarrassment and excitement buzzing through you. “I just thought it was cool,” you muttered, but the way your eyes lingered on him.

“Cool, huh?” Eddie teased, voice dripping with mischief. “Am I like your rockstar fantasy or something?” His gaze softened for a moment, the playful edge still there, but with a glimmer of something more. “You can admit it, sweetheart. I won’t tell anyone.”

You rolled your eyes, trying to act like you didn’t care, but his grin told you he knew exactly how flustered you were. “Shut up,” you muttered, but your heart was racing. You brushed past him to your bed and took a seat against the headboard. Eddie followed clumsily and stumbled pulling his shoes off. He slid into your bed laying on his side propping himself up on one of the many pillows in your bed. 

Eddie positioned himself toward you. “Alright, what if we ask each other questions? We both have to answer or neither one gets an answer. Deal?” He reached out his hand to shake on it.

You hesitantly reach yours out as well and agree. “Alright, you start” 

“Sooo,” his voice quieter than usual, “When did you start... you know, liking me?”

You shifted slightly, your stomach fluttering with the question. It felt almost surreal to talk about it now, but something about Eddie’s presence made it easier.

“I guess it started in the 7th grade,” you said, your voice soft but steady. "It was during the summer. A bunch of us went swimming at the lake. You were there and I watched you play with kids of all different ages. Oddly enough, mostly with the little kids. You and Jeff helped them play King of the Tube. I thought it was the sweetest way any 13 year old could spend his summer day.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen for a moment, clearly taken aback by the memory. He shifts slightly, clearly feeling the weight of her words. “Wait, you were watching me?” he says, a playful edge creeping into his voice. He looks away for a second, scratching the back of his neck, trying to hide the way it makes him feel. “I didn’t even know you were there, but damn, I was just messing around with the kids. Didn’t think anyone would actually notice, let alone think it was sweet.”

You raise an eyebrow, your lips curving into a teasing smile. “Well, it wasn’t all sweet, you know. 

You were just one of the only guys with armpit hair. It was... a lot to take in for a 13 year old me.”

Eddie bursts out laughing, clearly caught off guard by your comment. “Armpit hair?” He grins and shakes his head. “Guess I was a little ahead of the curve, huh?”

You smirk, leaning in slightly. “Ya know I wasn’t grossed out, actually I thought it was... hot.”

Eddie freezes for a second, clearly not expecting that. His grin falters just enough to show his surprise, but he quickly recovers, raising an eyebrow. “Oh really? You thought armpit hair was hot? That’s a bold statement.”

You shrug, trying to act casual, but there's a definite blush creeping up your neck. “Don’t make me sound totally stupid! It’s just Well, you had this... I don’t know, this confidence. And yeah, the armpit hair was just... like ‘oooh he's a man.’ to my 13 year old self.” 

Eddie chuckles and leans back a little, playfully rolling his eyes. “Alright, alright. I get it. I was that guy.” His tone softens as he glances back at you. “But seriously, I didn’t know you were paying attention to me like that.”

You smile softly, feeling a warmth spread through you as you meet his gaze. “Well, you’ve always been handsome to me, Eddie. Those pretty curls and those big brown eyes... I don’t know how anyone can resist.” You pause, a playful glint in your eye. “It’s your turn now. When did you know you liked me?”

Eddie tilts his head, a grin pulling at his lips. “I’m a pretty boy, huh?” he teases, clearly pleased by the compliment. “Well, I noticed you too, you know. That summer... you, uh... filled out a little bit.” He scratches the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed but still playful. “I couldn’t help but notice. You were growing into yourself, and I guess that was when I really saw you like more than just a buddy.

You raise an eyebrow, smirking. “Oh, so you noticed me too then?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Eddie admits, looking away for a second as if the memory’s a bit overwhelming. “But when I really knew, it was during a Hellfire session. Not an actual game, just a session zero. And I saw you out there, talking to Jeff. But it wasn’t what you were saying... it was the way you just fit in. Everyone else was kind of wrapped up in the game, and you were just there, all you. I remember how you laughed at something Jeff said, and it was like... damn. You were so comfortable with yourself, and that’s when it hit me that I’d stopped just thinking about you as a friend. You weren’t just a person I hung out with anymore. You were someone I wanted to know.”

You lean back, processing his words. “You wanted to know me?”

“Yeah” Eddie says softly, with a shrug. “But it wasn’t until I saw you like that, at ease, with all of us, that I realized... I wanted to be more than just the guy who played music and talked about D&D with you.”

You smile “Wow, I guess we’ve liked each other for a while then. Looks like we were both chickens.”

Eddie chuckles, the sound warm and a little self-conscious. “Yeah, pretty much,” he says, eyes twinkling with a mix of humor and something deeper. “It was a bit... complicated. You were just one of the guys, and I didn’t exactly know how to handle it.”

You snicker at that, leaning in just a little closer. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not one of the guys, huh?”

Eddie’s grin widens, a playful glint in his eye. “Oh, I know that, believe me. Took me a while, but... yeah. Maybe I was just waiting for you to admit it.”

You feel the tension in the air shift as Eddie leans a bit closer, and without even thinking, you reach out and brush your hand against his, the touch electric. 

You smirk, letting the warmth of his words settle in before tilting your head. “Alright, my turn.”

Eddie leans back a little, watching you with that lazy, lopsided grin. “Hit me.”

You think for a second, then your lips curl into something mischievous. “Okay… Was there ever a time you thought I liked someone else?”

Eddie immediately groans, tilting his head back dramatically. “Oh, come on, that’s not fair.”

You laugh. “What? It’s a good question!”

He rubs a hand over his face before shooting you a look, one eyebrow raised. “Fine. Yeah. I— uh— thought you liked Gareth for a while.”

Your mouth falls open, completely caught off guard. “Gareth?!”

Eddie throws his hands up. “I didn’t know! You two were always hanging out, laughing, whispering about God knows wh–”

You interrupt and shake your head, laughing. “Eddie, Gareth is like the brother I never had.”

Eddie exhales, dragging a hand through his curls. “Yeah, well, I figured that out eventually. But man, for a while there, I was convinced.”

You bite your lip, amused. “What would you have done if I did like Gareth?”

Eddie scoffs. “Probably nothing. Just suffered quietly. You’re both my friends no way I’d try and come between that.”

You giggle, nudging him playfully. “You’re too sweet.”

Eddie grins. “Yeah, but you love it. What about me?”

You don’t even hesitate. “Yeah. Chelsea.”

Eddie blinks, caught off guard. “Chelsea?”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, don’t play dumb. The girl you practically drooled over.”

Eddie groans, rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, ouch. I wasn’t that bad.”

You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow. “Eddie, you tripped over a chair trying to talk to her once.”

He presses a hand over his heart, wincing. “Okay, maybe it was that bad. But…” He shifts, looking at you more seriously now. “She was just a rebound crush.”

That throws you. “Rebound?”

Eddie exhales, giving you a pointed look. “Yeah. You were all buddy-buddy with Gareth, and I thought… y’know.. I didn’t stand a chance. So I tried to focus on someone else.”

Your mouth opens slightly, but before you can respond, Eddie smirks. “At least I didn’t make a whole guy up.”

Heat floods your face. “That’s different.”

“Oh, is it?” Eddie teases, leaning in. “Because I seem to remember a certain Silas being the whole reason I decided to go to the dance.”

You groan, shoving his arm. “Oh my God, shut up!”

Eddie laughs, nudging you back. “No way, sweetheart. This is gold.”

You glare at him, but there’s no real bite behind it, not when he’s grinning at you like that.

“Alright,” you huff. “Next question.”

"Alright… my turn." His fingers drum against his knee, and when he finally looks at you, there’s something hesitant behind his teasing. He shifts like he’s debating whether or not to ask, but then he lets out a small chuckle and just goes for it.

"That night, when we were making the mixtape…" He glances at you, watching for a reaction. "You made that joke about, uh… putting out um for Silas." His voice hitches slightly on the name, and he shakes his head, laughing under his breath. "And, y'know… now that I know Silas wasn’t real…" He rubs the back of his neck, finally meeting your eyes. "Were you just messing with me? Or, uh…" His tongue darts out to wet his lips. "Was that uhh.. actually about me?"

Your breath catches as Eddie leans in, watching you like your answer actually matters like maybe it’s been rattling in his head since that night.

You shift, fingers twisting together. "I was just messing around. Obviously."

Eddie scoffs, shaking his head. "Come on.  I threw ‘Hot Blooded’ right back at you. That wasn’t a hint?"

Your stomach twists. Back then, you hadn’t let yourself think much of it. Now, it feels… different.

"I don’t know," you mumble. "You say a lot of things, Munson. Half the time, I don’t know if you’re serious."

Eddie runs a hand through his hair, exhaling. "Jesus, sweetheart. You really think I’d throw that song at you after what you said and not mean it at least a little?"

Your breath catches. He’s closer now, the weight of his gaze pressing against you.

"Were you?" Your voice is barely a whisper.

Eddie just looks at you, fingers twitching. Then he huffs a quiet laugh, murmuring, "Guess that depends… you still trying to send a message?"

You swallow, trying to shake off the heat creeping up your neck, and in a sudden burst of confidence, or maybe just to break the tension you blurt out, "Alright, your turn." You shift, trying to seem casual, but the playful glint in your eyes gives it away. "Since we're asking the hard questions now..." You pause for effect, smirking just a little. "Ever have a dream about me, Munson?"

The words hang in the air, and you can’t help but watch his reaction, heart racing, hoping the teasing doesn't completely betray how nervous you are.

Eddie shifts slightly in his spot, his usual confident grin replaced by a mix of nervousness and hesitation. "Alright, alright... you asked for it," he mutters, eyes flickering to yours before he looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, I’ve definitely had a few dreams about you. Not just like, normal dreams, though. Like, real dreams. Where, y'know, you weren’t just sitting across from me talking about music. Things got... a little more, uh, heated."

He pauses, his cheeks flushed, and he looks at you out of the corner of his eye. "I’d, uh... maybe find myself... a little too close to you, and, uh... I don’t know, maybe my hands weren’t exactly where they were supposed to be." He laughs awkwardly, his fingers twitching in his lap as he shifts his gaze to the floor. "But yeah, that’s pretty much it. Dreams are dreams, right?"

He looks up, meeting your eyes again, a mix of nerves and a silent challenge in his gaze. "Your turn, though. Guess it’s only fair."

You clear your throat, feeling your cheeks heat up as you try to keep your voice steady. "Well..." you start, a bit nervous but still trying to keep the flirtation alive. "So, uh, I had a dream this morning. Not, like, a normal one, y'know?" You chuckle awkwardly, shifting in your seat, trying to maintain some composure. "But you were... really close. Like, really close. Close enough that I could feel your breath, and, uh... your hands weren't exactly where they were supposed to be either. And your warm mouth was on me. But when you came up to talk to me your mouth was a radio.” You give him a teasing look, almost daring him to comment as you try to hide the nervousness bubbling under the surface. "Now, I think it's your turn to say something, Munson."

Eddie’s eyes widen a bit, his grin faltering for a second as he processes your words. He clears his throat, clearly thrown off by your boldness, but he tries to mask it with a low chuckle. "Damn, sweetheart, I think you’ve got me beat there."

“I mean, hell, if my mouth's a radio... I guess I need to tune in a little more often, huh?” His grin spreads, playful yet a little smoldering. “But you didn’t mention anything about your mouth... or, y'know, what you were doing with it. Guess that’s a whole other question.”

He lets the air hang for a moment, his eyes darkening a bit as he leans in, tone quieter but charged with that same teasing edge. “Maybe next time, you can show me exactly what that dream really meant.”

You take a deep breath, the tension in the air palpable, and speak softly, your voice a little breathless. "Honestly, those dreams... they were just thoughts I had before I fell asleep." You grab his hands in yours, your touch deliberate but soft. "But... your mouth? It was right here."

Your eyes meet his, the weight of the moment making everything feel more intense as you guide his hand toward your neck. You trace his fingers down to your collarbone and down your chest as you use both of your hands to cup his hands around your breasts. 

Eddie's eyes lock onto yours, the intensity of the moment making his gaze feel like it's burning into your soul. His breath catches as you guide his hand to your neck, his fingers twitching slightly as you trace them down to your collarbone and then to your chest. The air seems to vibrate with tension as you cup his hands around your breasts, his palms fitting perfectly over the curves.

For a moment, he just looks at you, his face inches from yours, and the only sound is the soft rise and fall of your chests. Then, without breaking eye contact, he leans in closer, his mouth brushing against the skin of your neck. The touch sends shivers down your spine as he whispers, "So, these thoughts you had before you fell asleep... were they just thoughts, or were they something more?" His voice is low and husky, filled with a desire that's barely contained.

As he speaks, his hands move gently under yours, his fingers exploring the shape of your breasts through the fabric of your clothes. The touch is electrifying, making your skin feel alive and sensitive. Eddie's eyes never leave yours, watching for every reaction as he continues to tease and tempt. You manage to gasp out the words, your voice barely above a whisper as Eddie's hands continue to work their magic on your breasts.

 "I-I wanted... those things to happen, last summer in your room and at Lover's Lake," you stutter, trying to maintain eye contact despite the intense sensations coursing through your body. Your cheeks flush with heat as you struggle to get the words out, but you're determined to be honest with him.

"It's just... we kept getting interrupted," you continue, your voice cracking slightly as Eddie's fingers pinch and roll your nipples again. You let out a tiny moan, trying to compose yourself before speaking again. "But I've wanted you for a long time," you admit, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I mean, I've thought about it... about us... for so long now." 

Your eyes lock onto his, and for a moment, you just stare at each other, the tension between you almost palpable. Your face feels like it's on fire, but you can't look away from him. Eddie's hands slow their movement on your breasts, but he doesn't stop touching you entirely. Instead, he seems to be waiting for something maybe for you to say more or for him to make his next move.

As the words hang in the air, Eddie's face inches closer to yours, his eyes burning with a desire that's no longer contained. His lips crash into yours, and he kisses you like he means it - a real kiss, your tongues twirl and dance together. The sensation is electrifying, sending shivers down your spine as he moves his hand to cup your face, holding you in place as he deepens the kiss.

The touch of his hand on your skin, combined with the gentle pressure of his lips, makes your body respond in ways you can't control. You feel yourself getting wet, the feeling spreading through your body like wildfire. Eddie's body responds similarly, his hardness pressing against you as he breaks away from the kiss for a moment.

He looks at you with eyes that are almost black with desire, his voice low and husky as he asks, "What do you want me to do first?" The question is laced with anticipation, and you can tell he's ready to give you whatever you want.

You take a deep breath, trying to find the words to express what you're feeling. "I want us to... see each other," you say finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "Like a big reveal. I want to see all of you, and I want you to see all of me." The thought sends a thrill through your body. 

Eddie is excited but also nervous, in an attempt to navigate a minefield of potential missteps. His voice is low and husky as he asks, "Do you want to go all at once, or like one piece of clothes at a time?" The question is laced with a sense of uncertainty as if he's not sure what the right answer is.

You hadn't considered the logistics of the reveal, but Eddie's suggestion sparks an idea. A slow reveal could be tantalizing, building anticipation with each incremental exposure. You smile, feeling a sense of playfulness wash over you. "One piece of our clothes at a time," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Your grin widens as you reach down and grab the hem of your shirt, offering Eddie a sly smile as you say, "I'll go first." The fabric slides up your torso, revealing the mesh black bra underneath. The see-through material leaves little to the imagination, but the delicate pattern of little black flowers adds a touch of whimsy and charm.

Eddie's reaction is immediate. He gasps out a small breath, his eyes widening in surprise as he takes in the sight of you in your bra. But despite his initial shock, he can't stop grinning. His face lights up with excitement, and his eyes seem to drink in every detail of your revealed skin. The air is charged with tension as he waits for his turn, his gaze never leaving yours as he anticipates what comes next.

"I think I'm going to like this game," Eddie says, his voice filled with anticipation.

You watch as Eddie grabs the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head in one smooth motion, and for a moment, you forget how to breathe. His toned arms flex with the movement, biceps firm beneath pale skin, the slight definition of his chest catching your gaze. Ink sprawls across him, dark and striking the bats under his elbow, the wyvern curling around his bicep, the puppet master controlling invisible strings on the underside of his forearm, the spider perched near his collarbone. Your eyes trail down, over the demon etched onto his chest. He shakes his hair out, oblivious to how your stare lingers, taking in every detail, every sharp line of muscle and ink, the way his skin looks so unfairly soft. "I have to say, your reveal was way more exciting than mine," he comments with a chuckle.

You sit up on your knees and begin to unzip your pants. "I think it's my turn again," you say with a sly grin.

Eddie watches intently as you shimmy out of your jeans and throw them aside. As they hit the floor, Eddie's eyes are drawn to your white panties with lace trim. Having you lying down before him in just your underwear felt like a dream. 

"Wow," Eddie breathes out softly, his eyes dark with something unreadable. Almost instinctively, he reaches out, hooking a finger under the elastic of your underwear. He tugs it up just slightly and it snaps against your skin, a lazy smirk tugging at his lips. "Always wanted to do that."

The air is charged with tension as Eddie gets out of bed and begins undressing further. "Time for you to see me in my underwear.” He seems to be nervous but he has confidence about him.

Eddie's eyes lock onto yours as he undoes the button on his jeans, a small smile playing on his lips. He slowly zips down, the sound echoing through the room, and shimmies his hips, revealing tight red briefs that cling to his body. Your bottom lip slips between your teeth as you stare at the bulge straining against the fabric, you squeeze your thighs together in response.

"You look better than any guy in those Sears catalogs" which prompts a chuckle from Eddie.

Eddie smirks, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers like he’s modeling on purpose now. “So, you think I’m better than the Sears catalog, huh?” he muses, not really asking, just reveling in it. He tilts his head, eyes flicking over you with amusement. “Why…thank you sweetheart.”

In an attempt to stall for time, you slowly peel off your socks, pretending it’s the most important task in the world. Eddie watches with an amused smirk before following suit, kicking his off with a shake of his head. “Socks don’t even count,” he jokes, holding up his hands. “Guess I should take off all my rings next, huh? Really even the playing field.”

You roll your eyes, tossing your socks aside. "Oh Shut up, Eddie," you huff, but he only grins wider. You get up and spin around in a playful circle, fully embracing the moment. You can see the excitement in his eyes, knowing he’s seen everything but your last layers. In a surge of confidence and desire, you unclasp your bra and let it slip to the floor. With a teasing smile, you slide your thumbs under the waistband of your panties and let them fall as you turn for another slow spin. Eddie drinks it all in, his gaze filled with want. "You’re so fucking beautiful," he breathes, the desire clear in his voice.

You lie down beside him, feeling a mix of vulnerability and complete confidence. The way his body responds to you is unmistakable; you can see how it twitches in his underwear. 

“Can you close your eyes?” Eddie asks, his voice low and commanding. You nod and follow his lead. You hear him shift beside you as he removes his boxers and lies down next to you.  “Okay, open your eyes,” he says. You turn to find him reclining on his back, arms behind his head, revealing himself. His cock is hard, the pink tip glistening with his excitement. It’s bigger than anything you’ve seen in your textbooks. At least six inches, maybe more, and undeniably thick. 

You’ve been taking him in for about a minute, lost in your thoughts when Eddie suddenly breaks the silence, his voice tinged with vulnerability. “What, is it not what you thought?” 

Your cheeks flush as you meet his gaze. “No, it’s just…I didn’t expect it to be so…big.” 

Eddie glances down at himself, then back at you, a wide grin lighting up his face. “Well, what do you want to do?” he asks, his playful confidence easing your nerves and sending a jolt of excitement through you. 

"I don't know, Eddie," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "I mean, I kinda know what to do, but I'm not sure I'm ready for... everything." 

Eddie could feel that you were nervous,  "We don't have to go all the way.  We could just touch ourselves in front of each other. It'll still be hot, I promise." His deep voice sent a shiver down your spine. Your cheeks flush at the idea. 

"How do we start, though?" you asked, curiosity getting the better of you, "I mean, it's a bit... awkward." You bit your lip, your nervousness evident.

Eddie leaned back against the headboard, his lean frame relaxed. "Well, we could tell each other to start. That way, we're both in control."

You considered his proposal, your mind racing with possibilities. "Alright, Eddie," You said, taking a deep breath. "Touch yourself for me." your voice was steady, but your heart was pounding in your chest.

Without hesitation, Eddie spit into his hand and reached down wrapping it around his thick shaft. He began to pump it slowly, his breath catching as he looked directly into your eyes. His hand moved in a steady rhythm, and you couldn't tear your gaze away, captivated by the sight of him pleasuring himself.

“Uh, like that?” he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire. 

Between the sounds he was making and the way he looked at you while he touched himself, you were practically drooling. “Yeah, just do what feels good,”  you pleaded. 

"You like watching me, don't you, pretty girl?" The way he said the nickname sent a jolt through your body. It was new and you liked it. “Can you touch yourself for me, pretty girl?”

Your breath caught and you nodded, “Uh huh. I can touch myself for you.” 

Eddie continued to slowly stroke himself while waiting for you to start, that was just the encouragement you needed. You slid a hand down your stomach, fingers trembling slightly as you reached the top of your thighs. Your skin was warm and sensitive, and you gasped softly as your fingers dipped into your wetness, your body betraying you as it shivered at your own touch. 

You had done this before like a thousand times. 

Why did Eddie’s eyes make such a difference? 

You trailed your fingers through the slick folds, your touch light and teasing. Your breath quickened when you found that sweet spot, and you started to rub in hard and slow, deliberate circles, with your other hand you placed two fingers inside pumping them in and out at the same pace Eddie stroked himself, your eyes fluttering shut as you focused on the sensations. Eddie sped up while watching your reaction. 

"Hey, open your eyes," Eddie urged, his voice raspy. "Look at me while you touch yourself. We’re doing this together."

You opened your eyes. “Sorry I’m just used to closing my eyes” you whimpered, your eyes locked on his as you both continued to pleasure yourselves. You panted out “Look so hot Eds. Stroking for me,” gazes intense, as your hands move in sync. Eddie's hand moved faster on his rigid length, his breathing becoming more labored. 

I wonder how many times she's touched herself to the thought of me in this very bed? 

Eddie's hand moved faster on his rigid length, his breathing becoming more labored. 

“Eddie!” your mouth is open, eyebrows furrowed and you can’t help all the little moans. “I’m trying to match your speed–” your breathing is short and fast bursts interrupting yourself. 

"You're so fucking beautiful," he groaned, his eyes never leaving her face. "Seeing you touch yourself like that... it's driving me crazy." His words sent electricity through your whole body. 

Increasing the pressure on your clit, your breath coming out in short gasps. "Eddie, I..." You couldn't finish the sentence, lost in the building pleasure.

"Oh. Fuck,” It just barely came out in a whisper. His voice louder now, “Just keep going," he encouraged. "It’s so fucking hot. Making such pretty sounds for me. "

You moaned as your orgasm got closer and closer. Your brain felt like mush at the sight of Eddie stroking himself and the way he looked at you with need. “Mmm uhh, I’ve- imagined you in me pumping in and out so many times in this bed.” 

"Oh my fuck.” he panted out. “I’ve pictured being with you. Seeing how wet you are now. I bet you feel so tight and warm," he whispered, his voice thick with need. "I want to make you cum so bad. I wanna see your pretty face when you cum around me.”

Your fingers worked feverishly, your body on the brink of ecstasy. Eddie's hand moved with urgency now, his breath coming in sharp pants.

“I'm so close,” he mewled, his eyes never leaving your face. 

“Me too, I want you to cum for me Eddie,” you begged. 

Eddie responded by grunting and he quickened his pace, “Uhh. Can I cum on you?” short breaths followed after his question.

His neediness is a driving force in your answer. “Uh huh, please, please cum for me Eddie!” you moaned out. Driven by the need for release you watched as Eddie sat up on his knees over you. His cock is closer now to you than ever before. He reached down, touching your breasts Squeezing and playing with your nipples. The sensation adding to your own pleasure. His other hand tightening around his shaft and pumping. The sound was so hot. His body tensed as he came. Hot thick lines of cum hit your chest and dripped down your nipples. His lips parted and his mouth hung open as the moan left his mouth. His hand still playing at your sensitive nipples.

The look he had added with the sound of him when he came brought you over the edge. The static in you built up and it felt like you had before when you were alone. Your body tensed and you arched up off the bed. A silent scream fell out. Your legs shook as the orgasm washed over you. Eddie had never seen anything like it. He also did not stop pinching and squeezing until your hips fell back onto the mattress.

You laid back trying to catch your breath. Eddie had gotten up and zoomed to your connected bathroom. When he came back he was in his red underwear carrying a warm washcloth. He used it to wipe up the mess he made.

“God that was fun,” you murmured, still feeling the warmth of his touch lingering on your skin. 

Your body was heavy with exhaustion, a pleasant kind that left you unwilling to move.

Eddie smirked, tossing the washcloth aside before crawling back into bed beside you.

“Fun?” he teased, propping himself up on one elbow as he looked down at you. “Sweetheart, that was a damn masterpiece.”

You laughed softly, turning your head to meet his gaze. His curls were a mess, sticking to his forehead, and his lips were still slightly swollen. He looked good. Too good.

Eddie reached out, tracing lazy circles on your bare hip, his touch featherlight. “Kinda wanna stay like this all day,” he murmured, voice low and satisfied.

Your lips curved into a smile as you shifted closer, your fingers skimming over his chest. “Yeah?”

He hummed in response, dipping his head to press a slow, lingering kiss to your shoulder. 

“Mmhm. Nothing else exists right now. Just us.”

You nodded, shifting even closer until your bodies were flush against each other. "I think we can do that," you murmured, your voice soft but certain.

Eddie grinned, his fingers still tracing absentminded patterns on your skin. "Yeah?"

His smile turned lazy, satisfied, like he’d just won the jackpot. “That's almost the best idea I’ve heard all day,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple before letting his head drop back against the pillow. The room was quiet except for the sound of your steady breaths, the warmth between you keeping the world at bay. No school, no expectations, just this, just him. 

"I think we have time for a nap," you said, glancing over at Eddie, whose eyes were already closed.

He grinned without opening them. "A nap?" he repeated, amusement lacing his voice.

Before you could respond, he grabbed you, pulling you flush against his bare chest. His lips found your face, leaving soft, playful kisses along your cheeks, your nose, and your forehead.

You laughed, giggling as you squirmed in his grasp.

"Who said I wanted a nap?" he murmured against your skin, his lips brushing dangerously close to your mouth.

You rolled your eyes, breath still uneven from laughing. "Well, we're gonna be here alone till eight," you reminded him, glancing at the clock. It was only 2:30.

Eddie paused, his kisses stopping as he pulled back just enough to look at you. His brown eyes met yours, warm and searching. "Can we nap just like this?" he asked, his voice softer now.

You smiled, wrapping your arms around him. "Yes! We can."

His grin returned as he buried his face in your neck, holding you close. 

AN: AHH thanks for reading I always write a lot when its smutty sorry!! This was meant to be released with the last chapter but I tweaked it and got obsessive over it but I think its good now!! LMK for taglist :) also if smut isnt ur thing and you want removed from taglist lmk it wont hurt my feelings I understand!!!

Taglist: @emxxblog @punkrockmlchael @ali-r3n @g3n3zshack @exploding-bonbon @sheneedsrocknroll92 @punkrockmlchael@api0calisse @callmytherapistplease-blog @arabellagreenleaf @hellmastereddie @am0iur @taniamunson @mothhballl

[gh0stly-mp3]

hello

Can I ask about the blue lock characters, since the reader is male or gn is the boyfriend of the blue lock's characters, the important thing is that the reader is suffering from a serious illness in his body, and he did not tell your boyfriend about his illness, I want specific characters such as (Snuffy, Lavinho, and Chris Noa and Baro, Shoei and Kaiser, Julian and Shido, Sae and Oliver, and Otoya and Karasu)

Since you suggested several characters, I chose a few from these options, so I made the master strikers (might do a part 2 cause I really liked writing it)

your not alone -> bllk drabbles

master strikers x male!reader

synopsis: your boyfriend finds out that you have a severe illness and didn't tell them

tags: bllk drabbles, master strikers, angst w comfort, sick reader, male reader

warnings: manga spoilers, hurt/angst, severe illness mention, blood mention (in noa's), drugs/medicine mention (in lavinho's)

characters: master strikers :D

masterlist.

Noel Noa

You didn't want to disturb Noa; he was always busy with too much to handle, and you didn’t want to be a burden. But Noa is a very observant man, and he slowly started realizing that something wasn’t right. However, he decided to wait for you to tell him because he hated overstepping.

Neither of you talked about how your health was getting worse day by day, but Noa was becoming more and more worried about you.

Everything went downhill one day when you were watching TV with Noa and suddenly started feeling dizzy. You went to the kitchen to grab some water when you began coughing uncontrollably. Then, you saw red.

Noa went after you and saw the floor covered in blood, you holding on to the sink while more blood dripped from your mouth. Noa immediately went into full protective mode. He grabbed you and rushed you to the hospital as fast as he could while talking to you to make sure you stayed conscious.

After you were taken care of, Noa grabbed your hand tightly. You could see that he had cried. He looked you in the eyes and said: "Never do that again, please. I want to know everything, so I can take care of you..." - You nodded.

He was your boyfriend, and you would never be a burden to him. After that day, he drove you to all your medical appointments, made sure you took your meds, and ensured you had a healthy diet.

Chris Prince

You knew Chris would find out sooner or later; he loved taking care of you, especially when it came to your health, and eventually, he would notice that you couldn't do the things you once could.

It happened on a quiet afternoon when you were trying to make lunch. The simple task of chopping vegetables felt like climbing a mountain, and your hands shook with every cut. You were hoping he wouldn’t notice, but as he walked into the kitchen, his eyes immediately locked on you, concern furrowing his brows.

“Hey, are you okay?” - Chris asked, stepping closer.

“Yeah, just a bit tired.” - You tried to brush it off with a smile.

He raised an eyebrow. - “Tired? You look like you're about to pass out.” - He gently took the knife from your hand, his grip firm but tender. - “Sit down. What’s going on?”

You felt the familiar pang of guilt in your chest. Chris had always been the one to take care of you, not the other way around. And here you were, hiding something so big from him. - “I… I didn’t want to worry you,” - You murmured, your voice shaking. - “I didn’t want to be a burden.”

Chris knelt in front of you, his hand lifting your chin so you’d look at him. - “You’re never a burden to me. You’re my everything, my sweet boyfriend.” - His voice was soft but full of urgency. - “What’s really going on?”

You sighed, unable to hold back anymore. - “I’ve been feeling worse, Chris. I'm ill... And I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to see that look in your eyes… I didn’t want you to worry.”

For a moment, he just stared at you, processing the words, before his arms wrapped around you tightly. - “Don’t you ever hide something like that from me again. I’m here, okay? We’ll get through this together.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, the weight of everything you’d kept hidden finally crashing down. - "I’m so fucking scared" - You whispered.

“I know” - He whispered back, holding you even tighter. - “But you don’t have to be. Not while I’m here.”

Lavinho

Lavinho was oblivious. He always thought that if you had something going on, you'd tell him immediately. So he was absolutely confused when he opened your drawer and found a bunch of medicine. For a moment, Lavinho thought you were selling drugs, but then he saw the prescriptions.

His heart sank, and in that instant, the past few weeks replayed in his head. He remembered how you started skipping practices, how you’d look exhausted after simple tasks, how your usual energy seemed to fade. You've been distant in a way that didn’t fit with the rhythm you two always shared, especially when it came to soccer.

His mind raced, panic setting in as he stood there, staring at the bottles. He wanted to believe there was an explanation — some innocent reason for all of this — but doubts crept in.

You're his boyfriend. His soccer duo. His best friend. You wouldn’t hide something like this from him, would you?

The sound of the front door opening broke his spiraling thoughts. He quickly stuffed the bottles back into the drawer, his heart pounding in his chest. You walked into the room, looking surprised to see him standing there, a mix of curiosity and concern in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s up, babe?” - You asked casually, though there was an edge to your tone that made Lavinho’s stomach tighten.

He swallowed hard, trying to sound normal. - “Porra [fuck]... I... uh, I was looking for something and... I found meds... Ai caralho [oh fuck]. - He ran his hand through his hair. - "Please tell me what's going on?”

For a second, you froze. Then, you let out a quiet sigh and sat down on the bed, not meeting his gaze.

“I'm sorry Lavi, I didn’t want you to worry” - You said with a shaky voice. - “I’ve been dealing with something, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I’m fine, really.”

Lavinho’s chest tightened. - "You’re shure?" - His voice cracked slightly, betraying the fear that had built up in him. - "Don’t lie to me, please."

You hesitated, finally looking up at him, the vulnerability in your eyes more than he could bear. - “Alright... I’m ill, Lavi. It’s been affecting me more than I thought. The medicine helps, but… I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

Without thinking, he crossed the room and sat next to you, taking your hand in his. - “You’re my partner” - He said, his voice steady despite the storm in his chest. - “We face everything together, 'kay? You should’ve told me. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever this is, we’ll get through it. But you can’t keep this from me. Not when it’s hurting you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, and for the first time in weeks, you let yourself lean on him. Lavinho pulled you close. - “You’re everything. And we’ll figure this out, together.”

Julian Loki

Julian was always busy, flying everywhere. You two had hard times scheduling to see each other, and you wanted to tell him about your illness face to face, so he wouldn't freak out.

Eventualy, he was able to visit you for 3 days, and when he saw how exsausted you looked, he was shocked. He immediatly knew something was wrong, but he waited for the best moment to talk to you about it.

When you two were alone, cuddling on the couch, Loki brought it up gently. - "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"What do you mean?" - You asked, nervous that he had noticed something. You didn't want your first day together to be ruined by the news of your illness.

"You don't seem well, mon chéri." - He replied in his smooth voice while gently caressing your back. - "Please, tell me if something is wrong. I’m here for you."

These simple words made you break down in tears. How could he know you so well? Loki knew exactly how to approach you in a way that made you feel comfortable and loved.

When you finally calmed down, you vomited all the agony you had been feeling in the past few weeks in a messy ramble. Loki listened to you carefully as you told him about the diagnosis, the doctor visits, the constant anxiety, and how afraid you were to tell him.

He held you in silence for a while, gently caressing your back. "I'm here now. We'll get through this together, mon chéri."

Marc Snuffy

You were really scared to trigger Snuffy due to his past experience with losing someone, and he had an important match coming up and you were scared he wouldn't do that good if he knew it.

You told yourself that once he came back home you'd tell him. You didn't. He was so happy and cute you didn't want him to worry about your situation, you clould handle it.

You couldn't, not by yourself. But the weight of your fear kept growing heavier each day. One night, after Snuffy had returned from training, you were sitting together on the couch, watching a movie. He was laughing, his voice warm and comforting, but you were quiet, really quiet.

He paused, noticing the shift in your demeanor. - "Hey, what's wrong, amore?" - Snuffy asked gently, his gaze soft with concern.

"I..." you whispered, choking on the words. Your vision blurred as your chest tightened, and before you could say anything more, everything went black.

Snuffy rushed to you immediately, his arms supporting you as you slumped against him. His voice was calm and reassuring, his hands gently brushing your hair away from your face.

"Hey, hey, it's okay" - he murmured. - "You're safe. I’ve got you. I'm here"

When your vision was back to normal, Snuffy was right there, his worried eyes studying you. - "I'm sorry" - You mumbled, feeling a pang of guilt.

"Don't apologize. Just tell me what's happening" - He said softly, brushing a thumb across your cheek. Then, you told him everything from the start, and when you finished talking he kissed your forehead gently.

"You don't have to carry this alone. We’re a team, remember? Let me help you through this." - You nodded, feeling the weight slowly lift as Snuffy held you close, knowing that with him, you'd be okay.

[pritong-baboy]

Ironically, I’ve always seen TFA Bumblebee as the bot who acts the best around Sparklings in comparison to the others. He just gives me the vibes of a kid who grew up in an environment wherein there were countless sparklings of all ages, and given his own big spark, I can see him being a present caretaker in terms of playing and sharing food. The playful but protective older brother role.

Considering how he often seems to be the main caretaker of Sari as well, I think it fits. There’s even quite a few instances in the show wherein he’s the first to immediately take appropriate action as her guardian figure, like telling her to go back to bed to shield her from the drunk Constructicons, or how he’s able to (After some well intentioned mistakes) make her feel safe and heard when she first started living with the Autobots.

It’s so interesting to have Shockwave be an obsessive toxic caretaker towards him in comparison. Like the complete opposite of Bee. Makes me wonder if perhaps Shockwaves intentions of “grooming” (For lack of better word) Bee won’t be as easy as he initially thinks. I think Bee has a lot of maturity and world understanding to him as a character, he just doesn’t really show it.

Hehe sorry for the little rant! Just wanted to share a few of my own little thoughts. I’m super excited to see how you handle Bee’s character in your upcoming fic :)

no need to apologize, i love long asks like this!!

i've always adored the role bumblebee takes in his dynamic with sari, even in their very first interaction, you could tell that bumblebee was being really careful with her. and yessss, i agree so much on bumblebee was raised somewhere where other sparklings were, and some were newer than others.

i also agree on that despite bumblebee being not as emotionally mature as other bots like bulkhead or prowl maybe, but he would be the most stubborn about his own convictions. shockwave thinks that since he had been longarm and it was easy for bumblebee to trust him AT THE TIME, he could easily do it again but as himself.

[ttalgi]

missent letters pt.2

wanderer x gn! reader

part 1 || part 2

tags/cw: academic rivals to lovers, some cursing, mc is: a Vahumana student in the Akademiya, roommates with Alhaitham and Kaveh, and a pyro vision holder.

a/n: I finally finished the book a year later (lol) which made me want to make a part 2! Also, please don't mind any ooc or wrong plot details...it's been a while since I've actually played genshin.

wc: 2.1k

“It would do your remaining few brain cells some good to stop banging your head against the table. Plus this table was expensive. I can’t have the wood scratched already.”

You stop mid head bang to send Alhaitham an incredulous look. “Please!” you plead. “Have some sympathy for me at least once in your life. My life is over.” You slump your body across the living room bench.

Without missing a beat, he replies, ”I let you live here, don’t I?” Alhaitham turns to Kaveh with a raised eyebrow, “Care to fill me in on their latest tantrum?”

“It’s not a tantrum—!”

“Long story short, they asked me to send out some envelopes for them because of their busy schedule, so I told them to leave whatever they needed sent on top of their desk. Among the envelopes was one for Hat Guy, which apparently they didn’t want me to deliver.” He takes another bite of the shawarma wrap that Alhaitham brought home for dinner. 

Kaveh turns to look at your defeated form. “If you didn’t mean to send Hat Guy the letters, why were they mixed up with the other envelopes in the first place? What’s the big deal about those letters anyway?” he asks while chewing.

You perk up your head to look at him. “Huh? You didn’t read them?” you ask.

“You see, unlike some”—he sends Alhaitham a pointed look—”people, I have basic human decency.”

“Again, I let you guys live here—”

“Basically, everytime I feel anger or annoyance towards him, I just vent about it on paper pretending that he’s the recipient. Then I just stuff everything in the same envelope because it’s easy storage that way.”

“Wait!” Kaveh interrupts. “Just how many letters have you written about him? That envelope was like an inch thick. It even cost me extra postage!”

“...What can I say? I have lots of vendettas against him,” you shrug.

Alhaitham interposes, “I don’t think I understand. What’s the big deal? So what if you told him exactly how you feel about him? I didn’t take you for being a people pleaser.”

“This is why people think you’re such a machine at times, Alhaitham!” Kaveh throws his arms up in frustration. “Some people actually care about how they present themselves to others.”

“Actually!” You interject before another one of their infamous arguments breaks out full throttle. “Alhaitham’s kind of right. I did write exactly how I feel about him, and that’s the thing. I wrote everything that I felt about him..” you trail off.

Kaveh lets out a dramatic gasp. “No way! You finally confessed your feelings for him in those letters?!”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it confessing. I just talked about how I think his eyes are kinda dreamy despite being cold at times and that he has a really pretty face and that”—you almost give yourself whiplash turning in his direction—”Wait, finally? What do you mean finally? There’s no way you could have known about my minuscule crush on Hat Guy!”

“Anyone with eyes and ears could tell that you have some romantic attraction towards him,” Kaveh sighs while shaking his head before gesturing to Alhaitham. “Even this guy is aware of it.”

“You two do know that I’m not socially inept, correct?”

Deciding to ignore Alhaitham, you slump back against the bench. “I’m doomed.”

You pop up with an idea. “Wait! Do you guys think Tighnari needs any more forest rangers? I can take a break until this whole thing tides over and just help him over at Avidya Forest—”

Alhaitham quenched your wishful thinking. “Knowing how substandard you are with your vision, you’d accidentally set the forest on fire.”

You stumble back as if an arrow pierced through your body. You mumble out, “Must you always humble me.” You turn to Kaveh with hopeful eyes.

“I thought I'd never say this, but I agree with Alhaitham. You trying to help Tighnari in the forest would do more harm than good. Plus, you'd end up a victim to his lectures again. Remember that one time you—”

Feeling your body riddling with piercing wounds, you slump against the bench once more. “Yeah, I’m doomed.” 

//

It's been five days since Kaveh accidentally sent out the envelope meant for Hat Guy and you aren’t sure how much longer you have until the letters would be in his possession. Unless they already were... 

If you were blessed by the Archons, then maybe the envelope was lost or better yet damaged beyond repair in delivery, but alas, you know better. The mail system in Sumeru City is known for its attentiveness, especially since many important Akademiya-based deliveries are sent and received daily.

You haven't seen Hat Guy around much these days, especially considering the fact that you’ve been actively avoiding him. Mandatory lectures that you both share? You now sit close to the exit, far from him. The library that you guys are known to basically reside in? You begged Alhaitham to let you study in his office instead, promising that you’d do his portion of the house chores for the next two weeks.

Deciding to go home early out of your own volition (Alhaitham kicked you out because of an important meeting), you carefully tread the halls of the Akademiya making sure to peek around each corner before continuing. As you start to believe that you're finally in the clear, you hear someone behind you clearing their throat. Taking a look down at the shadows decorating the floor, you see the silhouette of the man that you have been avoiding for your own peace of mind.

"How much longer are you going to rat around the Akademiya for? It's not like you can avoid me forever, you know."

Feeling offended by his choice of words, you abruptly turn around to tell him off; however, the sudden close proximity of your faces has you taking a step back. If you hadn’t been paying attention to his face, you would have thought that he was unaffected by the action, but the slight widening of his eyes before returning back to normal has you knowing otherwise.

You give Hat Guy a pointed glare. Wanting to defend yourself against his statement, you open your mouth to retaliate but the sight of the familiar envelope in his hand causes you to simply shut your mouth and grimace instead. 

As he notices your actions, Hat Guy lets an annoying smirk grace his face. "Come on, say what you were going to say. We both know that you have a lot to say to me," he says while lazily waving the envelope around.

To try and play this in your favor, you start to act nonchalant. “I don’t know what you mean by ‘avoiding you’. Also, what’s with the envelope? Never seen it before in my life.”

Hat Guy raises a brow. “What’s with this sudden stupid, chill guy persona? Anyways, it seems like you need a reminder. Not surprising considering our perspective rankings,” he subtly gloats.

“You little—”

”Let's see,”—he opens up the envelope and starts to smooth out the bottommost letter—”Maybe reading some of these letters will help jog your memory.” He makes a grand gesture of pretending to clear his throat before reading, and you can’t help but to cover your face with your hands to try and protect yourself from the upcoming embarrassing retelling.

“Again! Again, you received a higher score on an assigned research essay. It’s only been 2 months and 11 days since you’ve been enrolled into the Vahumana Darshan, so how is it that you’re the apparent “All-Knowing” about Time-Sensitive Commodities? Who do you think you are? The new Sumeru archon of wisdom? Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be disrespecting our Lesser Lord Kusanali by comparing you to her—” he pauses and his eyes hurriedly shift to gauge your reaction. If anything, he should be thankful. If you hadn’t been so focused on not looking at him, you would have seen the crease in his brows mid-reading.

Hat Guy recomposes himself before continuing to read. “For Archon's sake. What’s more frustrating is your subtle boasting towards me. How could such a shitty personality even emit from a pretty face like yours? Though, I’ll begrudgingly admit that I actually look forward to these interactions that I have with you.”

“ST—!”

A coy smirk fills his face. “Oh? Why so embarrassed? Do you know these letters after all?”

“N-no…I was just clearing my throat.” At this point, you curse your pride for not being able to halt this interaction.

“Stubborn as always.”

This time he picks out a letter from the top of the stack..

“It's completely and utterly unfair how your resting face looks so serene. Why must you always be in the library at the same time as I? Your stupidly, bewitching face only serves as a major distraction, like how could I not stare! It's like your face was personally carved by a god. Also, how the hell do you make a simple fountain pen look so good? The way that your slender fingers grip the—”

“OK, that’s enough! Stop with the reciting! I admit it!” You feel your face heat up from embarrassment and your pyro vision only makes everything feel hotter. You raise your hands in frustration. “It was a whole mixup! Those letters weren’t even meant to be sent to you.” You dial back your volume towards the end.

He pointedly sighs. “Well that much I figured out. There’s no chance in Teyvat where you of all people would willingly subject themself to this. So, what are you going to do about it now?” he asks while crossing his arms.

It hurts to admit, but you felt stupid at this very second. “What do you mean?”

He tskd. “Do I need to explain every little thing to you? You’re ranked right below me, so I know that you’re not stupid. Are you going to own up to your letters and finally confess? Or are you going to just cowardly dismiss this like you’ve been doing?”

“CONFESS?” You almost give yourself whiplash from how fast you check to see if anyone’s heard you. You repeat yourself in a whispering tone. “Confess?”

“You talk about ‘looking forwards’ to our interactions, staring at my ‘bewitching face’ and ‘slender fingers’ and you think it’s absurd that I bring up confessing? Or would it be easier for you if I confess first?”

Without thinking you blurt out, “There’s no way that you actually like me back.”

“Do you ever see me bothering to interact with anyone as much as I do with you? I even surprised myself when I started to catch feelings for your stubborn self.”

You try to shake off the nerves before staring into his eyes. “Hat Guy, I like—”

“Wanderer.”

"What?"

"Call me Wanderer instead; it rolls off the tongue easier than Hat Guy. It’s a nickname that the traveler gave me. Hat Guy is a silly name that happened to stick around the Akademiya.”

“Lots of names you have there, huh?” you tease.

He lets out a sound that’s the mix between a chuckle and a scoff. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“Well, Wanderer. I like you. So…will you go out with me?”

“Obviously.” (Your eye roll at his matter-of-fact tone is instinctual) “I wouldn’t waste my time with anybody else. Anyways, let’s get out of here. You were on your way home before I caught you, weren't you?”

Your lips start to raise into a smile. “You’re going to walk me home?”

“Noo, I’m saying this so I can just go off on my own—”

“Oh, shut it. Let’s get out of here.”

As the both of you guys stroll out of the Akademiya, your hand closest to Wanderer suddenly can’t stop twitching every so often. Your head fills with thought pertaining to your new found relationship. 

‘Is it too early to be holding hands?…Maybe hand holding is too PDA for him on open streets—’

A cold hand suddenly embracing yours breaks you out of your stupor. You turn to Wanderer, clearly surprised by the action. Starting to feel embarrassed, you try to pry your hand out of his clutch, only for him to tighten his grip. “W-What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” He pivots his head to the opposite side, hoping that you won’t catch his ears turning slightly pink. “Your thoughts are so loud that even Mondstadt can hear them,” he scoffs. “Just lead the way.”

You start to walk with a slight pep in your step. “As you say!”

bonus scene?:

“Hey, can I give you a nickname too? Or is it too soon..”

He turns with a raised eyebrow. “Depends. What do you have in mind?”

“XxAssMaster69xX”

He lets out the biggest sigh. “Not you too.”

“Jokes, jokes—” you pause. “Wait, me too?”

He continues to walk forwards without you.

“Me too?! Hello???”

[evilbookworm]

What is that anon on about? That’s not a smile!! Mike is not happy anywhere in that clip after El says she loves him. That little eyebrow raise towards the end is an OH SHIT moment of realization not a smile. His expression goes from shocked to confused to disbelief to some kinda huge realization (probably— “oh shit! why don’t I love her?!”) If he was truly happy, but just shocked in the moment and that’s why he did absolutely nothing but stand there, the camera would’ve been zooming INTO his face not away from him. It would zoom in and right before the camera stopped moving his shocked expression would slowly transform into this massive smile leaving the audience feeling happy for him and happy for them and the state of their relationship going forward. Leaving no doubt that he was glad about what she said. This is THE BIG moment for him. This is what he’s been wanting the entire season. He’s been trying to tell her and than she says it to him he should be ecstatic. No need to worry about saying it first and possibly being rejected if that was his fear. He should be relieved. It should be a happy moment. He should be SO happy that we can’t deny it but the camera is following El out of the scene leaving him standing all alone looking so small and lost in Will’s empty room. If he was truly happy or smiling it needs to be obvious so that the audience has no doubt whatsoever. Itty bitty teeny tiny possible hint of a smile .001 milliseconds at the end of a scene doesn’t really leave the audience feeling good. You don’t want your audience left hanging. That’s why Nancy and Jonathan had that moment at the dance at the end of season 2. The audience didn’t fully know where their relationship was headed at that point in the story but that moment of eye contact and shared shy smiles across the dance floor left the audience feeling satisfied. Erasing all feelings of uncertainty. Completely different to the scene with Mike and El where I was left saying, “Is he ok? What the hell was that!” Anon, if you want to see a true ‘Mike Wheeler smile’ that leaves no doubt watch the scene prior with Mike and Will talking about Will donating his DND game. Will is also walking out of the scene but the camera isn’t following him out, like it did with El, it’s firmly on Mike (and then firmly on Will.) We get both expressions. Framed so we can clearly see everything. The camera isn’t moving farther away we can see Mike’s entire expression. No hint of confusion or uncertainty on his face just pure undeniable happiness as his smile grows bigger looking right at Will smiling just as big looking back at him.

So real anon!!! The cinematography of the scene is clearly making it seem like a confusing moment! And the whole thing with being in for t of Will’s open closet too! Obvious queer coding! Honestly, the milkvans need to lay it off me. They just keep on making the same argument over and over again 🙂‍↕️.

[riverstories7]

Can I rant for a minute? Authors, if one of your characters is an academic, do some basic research. Your adjunct professor will not suddenly get tenure if they publish their magnum opus. Your associate professor probably already has tenure and isn't at risk of being fired unless they commit misconduct—in which case their rank doesn't really matter. Job titles vary from country to country: professor means something very different in the US and the UK. I've been thrown WAY out of immersion in at least two books this year by stupid errors that might have been fixed if ANYONE involved in the writing or editing had done a Google search or talked to an academic.

[jackass-jones]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

[arminsumi]

... hubby!Gojo with a huge breeding kink who just obsesses over you when you're ovulating and can't think about anything else but fucking a baby into your hips.

+ warnings; mdni, breeding kink, some dumbification

+ an; I literally had this idea in my drafts for a year... 😳

Maybe he's got a freaky sixth sense, maybe it's just because he's got heightened senses, or maybe there's some scientific studies to back it up; but Gojo can smell when you're ovulating. And it turns him on — of course it does. He has a bigger breeding kink than you do.

"Oh, you're ovulating." he notes after sniffing your skin... and you do a double take like he's insane. Because he is insane — you married a madman.

He pays closer attention to your cycle than you do, reminding you to mark down when you get your period, and coddling you in the days leading up to ovulation.

"Satoru, it's just an estimation." you tell him, but he's got a glow in his eyes when he sees your period tracker app telling him that today's your most fertile day — if he cums in you today, it's basically guaranteed.

He researches positions that help conception, bends and pushes you into them, and fucks you deep with his thick cock, going harder on your poor hole than he normally does — grunting more than he normally does, throbbing more than he normally does... like it just awakens something primal in him, and now he's obsessively fucking you like he has no other purpose but to breed his sweet little wife.

"Nn! Satoruuu!" you whine and paw at his torso, your walls overwhelmed by the pressure of his cock splitting you open.

"Yes babyyy?" he coos, giving you a crooked, blissed-out smile as he tilts his head.

There's sweat dripping off his abs, his pink nipples are hard, his biceps are twitching, and he's running one hand through his dampened white hair as he stills inside you for a moment.

"'s too deep! T-too big!" you moan lewdly, a bit of drool escaping the corner of your mouth.

"...aw, I know I'm just too big for ya, huh?" he coos cockily; hearing you tell him that he's 'too big' never gets old.

He's so determined to give you his baby that he tries everything to increase the chances; staying inside you for 5 minutes after shooting his load in, having you rest with a pillow under your back so your hips are raised — "Gotta help my lil' guys swim." he acts like an idiot about it, but sweetly so. Nothing excites him more than the idea of being a dad, except the idea of fathering your children.

After sex, when the two of you are cleaning up, Satoru feels over and massages your tummy with a small smile on his face. He's lost in thought, hair all messy and face tired like he's run a marathon, hopeful that this time he got you pregnant.

He'll pamper you like his queen, humming and going to the ends of the earth to get you anything you ask for. He really fawns over you when you're ovulating, and lays on the compliments thick while snuggling your neck and creeping his fingers up your thighs — pretty soon he'll sink them inside and stretch you out on them, preparing you for what he cutely calls "baby making" but is actually sweaty, nasty, kinky sex — there's a definite difference in the cute, snuggly sex and the literal breeding sessions no matter how much he plays it off.

"Satoru... my legs are still weak after this morning, give me a break, will you?"

"Aw come on, this is an innocent request... and if babymaking happens, it happens..." he mutters the last part under his breath.

"You're crazy."

But you know you're gonna fall for it after you take one look at his rock-hard, juicy pink, dummy big cock and those breeder balls.

He just beams victoriously when you hop over to him like a little bunny.

Satoru's pushes into you as deep as your pussy allows him, and then some more just to pressure your deepest spot, pinning your wrists down and whispering sultrily into your ear about how well you take him, how beautiful you look, how good it feels to fuck your fertile pussy knowing that he'll most definitely get you pregnant because his cum is perfect; thick and sticky and gooey and pungent, perfect just like he is — the cocky bastard.

When his creampies makes you cum, A-spot pressured with his pulsing tip, he grins so wide that you scold him about it.

"Stop grinning like a psychopath." you pant.

He just looks up at you, face hardly an inch away, and asks a dumb, smiley "D'you feel pregnant?" ... as if it happens so fast.

"Gee, I don't know, we should go again just to make sure — that was a joke, that was a joke! Nn! Satoru!" too late, he's flipping you over and slowly filling you up again.

And oh god Satoru loves sliding back in for round twos. The smell of sex and cum wafting up and hitting his nose just makes him plunge back into your cum-filled little hole with only one thing in mind and that is breeding you 'till you're stuffed to the max.

"Come on, y' gonna be a good wifey for me and get knocked up?" he rasps against your ear, thrusting his cock up into your sensitive spots until his creampies turn into whipped cream, frothed up and milky-white and smeared on your pussy lips.

Like the nasty boy he is (and always has been, even before marriage), Satoru forces your head down and makes you watch him fuck his dummy big cock into you.

"Yeah, watch that cock fill you up... look at all my cum leaking out..." he tuts, "... don't be so wasteful, baby... oh well, 'm gonna fuck it back into you anyways. Come on, let me in deeper — aw, what's wrong?" he coos when you claw at his meaty bicep.

"'toruuu, so deep! Y-you're so fucking deep, I can't think..."

His heart pangs when he hears you complain about being too stuffed, "Oh baby you don't need to think, just lay there and let me put a baby in your sweet pussy — gonna fuck you so dumb, the only name you'll remember is mine."

Of course, he has to get a creampie in every day. Sometimes even a few times a day. Sometimes even at 4 AM, and you swat him for being a horny idiot — but it takes five minutes to give in because you can hear the need in his voice when he whines "Please?" and starts humping against you, "I've got so much cum for you." he tells you and though it sounds so sweet in his soft, bedroom voice it's hard to take him as an innocent man, because his thick boner is grinding hard and hot between your plush lips.

You can bet you'll probably only get to sleep when the birds are chirping, 'cause your hubby's balls are too heavy and full of cum and he needs to drain himself inside you — oh, and you can also bet that afterwards he will be sleeping like a princess, clinging to you with his face snuggled into your tummy.

[fingertipsmp3]

Today has been a productive day :)