#can you tell pyro is my favorite one to draw yet?

[bugtoast]

Been on a bit of a tf2 kick lately,,,,,

also maskless pyro headcanon under the cut that i'm still workshopping (im basing them off of the early tf2 concept art aliens)

[thepaintedsable]

My sketchbook is a mess. Everything is one good sneeze from flying away. ANYWAYS TF2 YAY YIPPEEE!!!

I made them animals because it brings be joy and also I couldn’t get fake lizard Pyro out of my head and that obviously meant he needed a whole team to match.

I’d like to think that reptiles are just normal animals in whatever world this is, so Pyro is fooling nobody and is also extremely scary. Why are you so tall, lizard boy? Stop that.

Also coyote Spy and coydog Scout. These two are very not related as you can clearly tell. Not one bit of resemblance whatsoever no sir.

“Skink” Pyro, Coyote Spy, Coydog Scout, Kangaroo Sniper, Stoat Medic, Bear Heavy, Mule Soldier, and Ram Demo.

Pyro was the most obvious to me. I may or may not have chosen my favorite lizard just because they are both very cool and extremely elusive to me. I know nothing about these guys (I could fix this, but I don’t) yet I smile every time I see one. They’re just silly. 5 banded because of the fun coloration!

Coyote Spy and Coydog Scout go hand in hand in terms of choice, here. I wanted a wild-type animal for Spy and some sort of mix for Scout, preferably something that could be written off but is way too coincidental when they’re next to each other lmfao. I really liked the Zorse/Zebra idea but I felt like I couldn’t have that with Mule Soldier.

Sniper is only a Kangaroo because I can’t draw a kea or a kākāpō. I will continue to figure out how to draw a kea and/or a kākāpō and also shape it properly to Snipers long face, so help me god. They’re birds native to New Zealand (Sniper was born in New Zealand), threatened to critically endangered (Sniper is, very technically in TF2, one of the last New Zealanders alive if you think about it), and he stuck out compared to his folks in Australia. Also I think he should have the right to dismantle a car (Keas are very smart :) )

STOAT MEDIC!!!! Or honestly any weasel, ferret, or martin. They are sneaky, intelligent hunters, and generally spook me. That there is a snake with fur and also has managed to take our multiple populations in multiple areas because we keep putting them places. I think a weasel would steal souls.

Bear Heavy.

Mule Soldier! The US Army mascot is a Mule, and considering how military-crazed soldier is I think it was a good fit. Coulda also done a bulldog, but his name is “soldier” not “marine”.

And Demo still needs some work because I am not at all happy with his design! Yippee!

[static-sulker]

The Process of Drawing all Nine Mercs (engineer and medic)

Im currently working on a new study for the characters, Im not done yet but I just wanna make sure Im not just dead quiet for a bit. I've gotten Sniper, Spy, Medic and Engie kinda sorted down to designs I really like. Im currently fixing up my Scout, Pyro and Solider drabbles, which I'm pretty confident with in Solider's case. Pyro is a bit harder with the face shape and the idea of the unmasked version which I really want to get right. I'm then probably going to do a study on Demoman and finally Heavy, which is the one Im not as excited about. Demoman does seem pretty enjoyable with how cosmetics make his hair but heavy is my fear right now. He has a very specific head shape and overall model for the face that I want to emulate in my style which may be pretty hard to get through with how I work with anatomy. While I'm taking my break, I wanna talk a bit on my hopes for the designs and overall notes on each of their designs. (I also will be making a big reference sheet for them all when I'm done with all 9 mercs).

Engineer

I adore Engineer and with him being my favorite character in the series, I wanted to get his design very specific for me. I wanted to create a model and almost a story for Dell in a way that emulated his character in a good way that wasn't too overdone or simple. One of the only "issues" I had to work with was the jump with hairstyling. I work with big hair and normally have characters gain mullets or longer hair when I flavor them (COUGH sniper COUGH) and the common choice of no hair for Dell is something I wanted to keep. It was easier after I formed and worked my art style into something that could work with a bald character, I think. My big piece that changes my design of Dell from others is his scars. If you couldn't tell from my work, I love drawing scars, and each of my final designs for each have very specific scars or bruises that really enwrap the character they sit upon. His main scar is his right eye having been caught in a severe explosion from an enemy demomans shot on his nearby sentry. This falls into the bond and story I want to give between both Ludwig and Dell, being one of their main bonding moments in my own personal canon. That scar in my opinion really personalizes his design in such a way that It can make him stand out from the original design but still showing his personality. His rather bubbling passion in battle that keeps him on the enemy line, with his sentry being placed in the perfect position to attack. He needs modifications, he needs upgrades. He cannot just be simple. He needs to be perfect, but that is always settled by his own personality and humbleness. I like to think he has a cracking, explosive point that breaks his normal attitude into something darker in battle, which I really like the idea of. Moving on from the main scars, I have a few other things that I like added to his design.

two slashes on his lower chin that creep up his lip. Spy encounter.

He has a series of soft freckles around his body, which appear more on his arms that face but still are apparent to a keen eye

READING GLASSES! He wears them sometimes, normally substituted for his goggles, but he wears reading glasses and I adore it

A lil tooth gap or a snarl tooth, which I really enjoy...It's a guilty pleasure to give all my characters teeth gaps(undecided if either one OR both)

Medic

Medic is another one of my really top tier characters, and I just love everything about him. His voicelines and overall demeanor that he just radiates is such a sinister and interesting energy that I needed to get down on paper. The issue for medic was probably his maturity. Less on his actually maturity, but in his overall body. My older style didn't focus on older or middle-aged characters all that often, radiating on a more softer and youthful body shape. The shape of his face was something I really needed to master, and I really enjoyed my time getting his overall silhouette. A LARGE shoutout to @archiarthur in being one of my biggest references to get his overall appearance and a lot of my reference besides his actual game models! It was a major help and I love your work :D! Anyways, back to medic. Ludwig overall is one of the designs i've gotten very comfortable with. His main design is good enough as it is, and really depicts exactly what I enjoy from him. The design is something I didn't want to falter with too much in my tranfer from screen to paper. He has a very specific smile that I wanted to bring over, making my usual flavor for teeth impracticalities like chips, dents, or any form of misshapen become harder to get across. I went more into the clothing or situation for the real flavoring when it came to my medic drawings, and how he held himself. I wanted to give him more moments with his birds, and with the power of art, I get to make infinite amounts of moments with his lil babys. Besides context and overall clothing hes not too overly flavored, just given a bit more hair, sometimes given larger or chained glasses which overall is never a permanent addition to his design, and some smaller things? His design isn't too overally added on but I do love drawing him and gotten into a real good groove with the design so uh yippie!

[ink-on-the-brink]

My Opinions On Each TF2 Ship

This is just for fun. I've been kinda stressed lately and felt like maybe just having some fun giving my opinions!

There will be no mention of Pyro because I prefer to keep them away from romance. Pyro is ace I will fucking fight all of you-

This list is from least to most favorite so strap in!

Sniper x Soldier - 0/10

I honestly don't even know what to say about this one

Heavy x Scout - 0/10

Ew, no, why the fu- no. Heavy is scout's uncle alright.

These two be fucking with each other but not that way. More like an 'i swear to god ill murder you if you touch that-' 'haha I touched it! Whatcha gonna do?' Kinda way.

Age difference. Age difference

Soldier x Scout - 0/10

No

Scout x Engie -0/10

Scout adopted Engie as his dad and you can't tell me any different.

Also no I didn't say that wrong. Scout adpoted Engie.

Medic x Scout - 0/10

Nope. No. Nadda. Medic wants this boy dead. Scout has to be one of Medic's pet peeves. A constantly curious, nosy, incompetent 'child' that doesn't understand the words 'don't touch that'? No way in hell.

Demo x Spy - 0/10

I honestly don't know how these two would even get to become friends. They seem like they'd only tolerate each other, especially since Spy's taste is more classy.

Heavy x Spy - 1/10

How...how would that even...I don't see it at all. They are completely different people and not in the opposite attract kinda way, they are on completely different moral compasses.

Maybe time chilling in the smoking-room reading???

I honestly don't know how anyone could see these two together.

Spy x Soldier - 2/10?

Okay so I've only heard of this ship recently, and I was so very caught off guard. Of all the ships y'all choose these two? Why? I don't understand. I mean aesthetically I get it. Gruff, battle-hardened military man and sleek, sneaking assassin find unexpected love. But like in reality it's sorta not like that. They'd hate each other to the bone, and I'm pretty sure they do. I mean Spy going for the least classy, least subtle, and loudest member of the team? Not likely.

Medic x Spy - 3/10

I feel like they'd have more hatred for each other than actual care.

I mean Medic literally kept a Spy head in his fridge. You don't just stare at something like that every day without some form of hatred for it.

That being said, there could be a sort of fatal attraction sort of thing. A forbidden romance where they kill each other but y'know, in a sexy way. But I really don't think they'd be a good ship.

Sniper x Spy - 4/10

Wait hold up I can explain, don't murder me yet.

Now I understand the whole enemies to lovers thing and how they're both brooding and silent and god just so dramatic-

And they're obviously close, seeing as Spy told Sniper about Scout being his kid, but I just kinda don't vibe with it. I kinda see it more as a they really only talk to eachother because they know the other is going to keep their mouth shut.

But besides that they just sorta feel like they don't vibe with eachother.

Sniper x Medic - 4/10

Maybe? Kinda? I don't see these two with very much chemistry either.

But birds might draw them together.

Maybe Medic finds Sniper's little bird facts slightly endearing or something?

Most of the time I've ever seen these two shipped is when they ship all support classes, which feels more like putting a bunch of hot guys together for just the thought of it rather than the relationship dynamics. Not that I'm complaining, you guys do what you want. I just prefer the chemistry of it all.

Heavy x Soldier - 5/10?

Hmmm, I honestly don't know. I'd have to think on this one more. It kinda gives me some nice vibes but I'm not sure why.

I can at least imagine these two hanging out in training so maybe they gain chemistry that way? I'd love to hear more about this ship but for now it stays at a steady five.

Medic x Soldier - 5/10

Surprisingly I kinda feel like it might work.

Hear me out now, but I feel like Medic would really enjoy experimenting on Soldier and, considering Soldier is oblivious, he would be all up for it.

I mean Medic sees this dude every day from cut off fingers to raccoon bites, if anything they've at least learned how to balance out each other's behaviors enough to tolerate each other.

Heavy x Sniper - 5/10

An extremely rare pairing and I kinda get it. I don't really see them being a thing?

I guess they both kinda got strong family values but I think Heavys is just more mature than Sniper and they both don't really have much of a connection anywhere. Plus the age difference(even if Sniper looks old as fuck-)

Sniper x Engie - 5/10

Another one I'm not sure about. The vibes aren't bad, but they also aren't there?

I feel like these two have a bunch of early morning talks over a cup of coffee. They probably memorized each other's coffee.

Sniper and him probably go for road trips too.

There are also the other two that are fully trusted to go to the store to only get what they need, which means they probably end up going with each other 99% of the time, just so that they don't have to bring one of the others.

Demo x Scout - 6/10

I mean, why not. They seem like they'd get along.

Again, age difference, but at least they're closer with maturity levels.

I feel like they'd be masters at pranks when they work together. These two would have the whole team hating them in seconds.

They'd totally just have breakdowns in front of each other which makes the other start crying and eventually they're both sobbing in each other's arms. Kids at heart.

Sniper x Demo - 6/10

I could honestly see this working a bit. Just two dudes chillin.

They kinda have the same sort of problems with letting down family and have different ways of suppressing their emotions.

I feel like they'd sit under the stars with hours of conversation before ending up sobbing together.

They strike me as the types of dudes who kinda help each other out of their lows.

Heavy x Engie - 7/10

Awww, this could be cute.

Heavy's like 20 times the size of Engie, and they are both teddy bears in their respective ways.

I can imagine Heavy giving Engie a blunt compliment due to his lack of English not making him really subtle and Engie getting flustered by it.

These two are also dads. They both give off huge dad energy.

They are the only thing keeping the team from falling into utter chaos.

Plus they're both extremely smart in their own fields so I imagine they like to surprise each other with little trivia facts.

Demo x Medic - 8/10

These two could totally work. They both encourage each other a lot. Maybe a little bit too much.

Medic is gonna be super interested in studying Demo and his body's ability to withstand so much alcohol. Science nerds? Hell yeah!

Heavy x Demo - 8/10

Double teddy bears! Since they're both huge Heavy isn't worried about crushing him so hugs, lots of hugs.

I could 100% see these two silently sitting together late at night reading different books just chilling in each other's company.

And Demo trying to teach Heavy to play piano and Heavy failing miserably, but both of them just laugh it off

Spy x Engie - 8/10

Okay, so this was only recently brought to my attention as a good ship. I kinda didn't like it at first, I'm just not for enemies to lovers really, but then I saw a bunch of art for this ship. I don't remember who it was but it was genuinely the most moving work I'd seen from tf2 fanart and honestly, it set these two so much higher for me.

Okay so, to the actual analysis of the ship now. Basically, it's kinda the fact that these two have always been the most mature and the even-minded problem-solvers that draw them together.

They can only really trust each other and yet they both really don't. Spys a backstabber and Engie isn't all he pretends to be.

But they end up having to trust each other anyway in order to get things done until eventually they only really have each other to hold on to. Meaning each other are the only ones able to see past their disguises and into who they truly are.

Demo x Soldier - 9/10

Boots and bombs! I fucking love it.

Best friends to lovers is one of my favorite tropes.

These two would literally die for each other.

And they're constantly doing dumb shit with each other.

They have fun and blow shit up! Who could ask for more?

Soldier x Engie - 9/10

Not gonna lie, these two used to be my otp for a while.

They just kinda have a wholesomeness to them. Engie with his calm, collected, well-meaning attitude and Soldier with his loud, outgoing, straight to the point attitude make for a nice opposites attract kinda thing.

I feel like Engie would calm Soldier down a bit and Soldier would get Engie to get louder every now and then. Soldier would also be kinda protective of Engie, though Engie would be the one saving his ass most of the time.

Heavy x Medic - 10/10

Top tear, basically cannon gay dudes, amazing, gorgeous.

Mad scientist and his indifferent but caring lover, what more could you ask for.

Best bird parents.

These two have hella chemistry and I know this ship is overdone to all hell but fuck that, this ship's fire.

Sniper x Scout - 10/10

Oh boy, it's time for another 10/10. These boys go perfectly together. I fucking love this dynamic.

Scout just going around being an annoying little shit indiscriminately and in doing so getting Sniper's attention.

Sniper likes to act mature but no, no he fucking isn't. The dude willingly and openly chooses to piss in jars and throw it at people.

They mess with everyone on the team, but Scout always gets the slack for it, even if Sniper helped. Scout doesn't mind though because that means he has someone who everyone thinks is mature working for him. It's so much easier to pull off pranks when no one suspects you.

Also, I bet whenever one of them has especially vivid nightmares they'd sleep over in the other's room for the night. They vibe so hard that even if they weren't dating they wouldn't even question it.

Medic x Engie - 10/10

Science party! And it's another one of those underrated ships! Less so than Demo x Engie but still!

What does a mad surgeon mixed with a mechanical genius just as desensitized to insanity make? Crimes against god. These two are work buddies but I mean come on. That's one wall of separation between lovers. Making sure each other sleep? Providing blankets when they inevitably fall asleep at their desk? Making each other coffee in the morning? Getting excited about a shared project?! These two are flirting, you know I'm right!

They'd commit war crimes for each other.

Demo x Engie - 10000000000/10

OTP! OTP! OTP!

For real, literally the most underrated ship. I need more of this in my life from the love of all that is sacred please notice this amazing ship.

Okay so first off, dad vibes. They give the best comfort and advice.

Second, they're both extremely smart in their own fields. You can't tell me they wouldn't rant for hours about their latest intelligence based endeavor as the other silently nods along.

Thirdly, they both genuinely care about the team and each other. They can pick up when the other isn't feeling okay and will do whatever they can to fix it, even if it's small like making little trinkets or keeping the team busy to give the other some space.

Not to mention that they are aware of each other's bad habits and try to help the other when it goes overboard.

Best couple ^-^

[thelastspeecher]

Stanuary ‘21 - Week Three: Crime

I decided to go with one of my favorite AUs, my Superhero/villain AU, and write a scene that I should have written a while ago, to be honest.  Namely, Ford convincing Stan to give up a life of crime and become a hero like he always wanted.

Shout-out to the ficlet “Farmer’s Market”, by @mythomagically-delicious, which takes place in an AU of the Superhero/villain AU.  I drew some heavy inspiration from it.  ;)

Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————————–

              Stan made a mad dash for safety.  He ducked into an alley just before the police following him rounded the corner and crouched behind a dumpster.

              “Think he went in there?” one of the cops asked, nodding at the alley Stan was hiding in.

              Shit!  Stan took a deep breath, trying to steady his breath.  No, stay calm, Stan.  It’s fine. You have a backup plan, remember? As if on cue, said backup plan went into effect.  There was a loud bang in the distance.  Stan didn’t want to look and risk being spotted, but he knew from experience that his distraction was producing enormous plumes of ash-colored smoke.

              “He’s a pyro, that’s gotta be him!” the other cop said.  The two rushed off towards the planted smoke bomb and away from Stan.  Still, Stan waited a few minutes to be sure.  Once he was positive the coast was clear, he emerged from his hiding spot.

              “Damn,” he breathed.  His smoke bomb was still billowing, filling the sky with gray.  “I mighta souped that one up a bit more than I needed to.”

              Not long ago, Stan had discovered he could use his pyrokinesis to enhance the effects of smoke bombs.  That discovery led to him learning how to make his own. Unfortunately, the method he’d used to improve store-bought smoke bombs didn’t work for his homemade ones, so he had to develop a new one.  All in all, he’d invested a lot more time than he’d care to admit into his smoke bomb research.

              At least it’s paying off now.  The smoke bomb showed no sign of slowing down.  Damn, I might have accidentally caused more smoke damage than fire damage.  Stan shook his head, dispelling those thoughts.  Get back to your car, get outta dodge before the cops come back and get a look at your face.  Stan trudged out of the alley.  He seamlessly joined the crowds that had gathered to stare at his latest disturbance.

              As he mingled with the rubberneckers, Stan’s ears picked up on a nearby conversation that, for some reason, stood out more than the background muttering.

              “What could cause that amount of smoke?”

              “A fire.”

              “Well, yes, but they put out the fire already! And the smoke isn’t coming from where the fire was.”

              “My lil brother used to prank our older brother with smoke bombs…”

              “Could a smoke bomb be responsible for this?”

              “Only if there’s a pyro behind it.”

              Stan ducked his head and picked up his pace, hoping to get far away from the two men and their eerily accurate discussion.  He quickly arrived at the Stanleymobile and got in.  But not until the town had faded into the distance, did he allow himself to relax.

              Okay.  Back to the drawing board.  Can’t use a smoke bomb that attracts that much attention.

-----

              Stan finally straightened his back, stretching to dispel the kinks that came from hunching over a desk for hours on end. He was back in his crappy motel room, trying to do something about his overeager smoke bombs.  So far, he hadn’t had much luck.

              The news blared on the TV.  After a lot of trial and error, Stan had found that the news was just loud enough to provide background sound, but just boring enough to avoid being a distraction.

              “In another blow to peace in the Middle East-” the newswoman began.  Stan grabbed the remote.

              “Nope,” he said, turning off the TV.  He stood and stretched.  “I’ve got my own problems, lady, I don’t need to hear about other peoples’.”  His stomach rumbled.

              …I could use a snack.  Just as Stan was heading for the place he’d stashed his bags of chips, he felt a tingling sensation akin to feet falling asleep spread throughout his body, starting at his toes and gradually reaching his head. Though it felt familiar, it took him a moment to place it.  He blinked, and he wasn’t in the motel room anymore.  But the dorm room he was in now looked just as bad.

              “Oh, thank goodness, you’re not nude,” said the man standing in front of Stan.  “It’s been some time since I summoned a person, and I was worried I might accidentally leave your clothes behind.”  Stan crossed his arms.  He raised an eyebrow.

              “You say ‘thank goodness’ now, Ford?” he asked dryly.  Ford looked away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

              “I might have picked it up from my roommate.”

              “Good for you.  Now, tell me where the hell I am so that I can go back to where I was,” Stan said.  Ford blinked.

              “You’re not curious as to why I summoned you after all this time?”

              “Nope.”

              “Why not?”

              “Look, Sixer, if you wanted a nice, brotherly chat, you would’ve summoned me back when Pops first kicked me out,” Stan snapped. He fought down the small amount of happiness he felt at seeing his twin again.  “But it’s been years.  Which means either someone’s dead or you want something from me.  And whichever one it is, I don’t care.”  Stan turned on his heel and stormed for the door.  As he put his hand on the doorknob, Ford spoke.

              “I know,” Ford said softly.  “You don’t care about me, about yourself, or anyone else.” Stan paused.

              “Why do you think I don’t care about myself?” he asked.

              “Because you’ve given up.”  Ford interpreted Stan’s continued silence as permission to continue.  “You’ve given up on the thing that gave you drive our entire lives.”

              “What?”

              “Being a hero,” Ford said simply.  Stan’s hand fell away from the door.  His heart pounded in his ears.  “I saw your latest arson on the news.  Actually, I saw it in person.  My roommate and I were shopping in the store next to the one you set on fire.” Stan looked over his shoulder.

              “You’re not gonna snitch on me, are you?” he asked.

              “No.”

              “Good.”  Stan fully turned around.  He let his hands burst into flames.  “It wouldn’t end well for you if you did.”  Ford didn’t react to the threat.  At least, not in the way Stan expected.  Rather than blowing up at him or scoffing, Ford just stared at Stan, evidently sorrowful.

              “Have you really gone that far astray?” Ford asked. Stan’s mouth went dry.  “Would you hurt your own twin?”

              “Where’s all this coming from, huh?” Stan demanded. “What, I set a building on fire and suddenly you’re worried about me?  After spending all this time pissed at me?”  He threw his hands, still aflame, up in the air.  “That was the secret all along!  I shoulda committed a crime in front of you years ago!” That got the reaction Stan expected. Ford’s worried frown twisted into a snarl.

              “I despise what you did to me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll allow you to throw your life away!” Ford snapped.  “Ever since we were kids, you wanted to be a hero.  You worked hard to follow in Mom’s footsteps. But now?  You’re perfectly fine with burning down stores and setting off smoke bombs?”

              “Why do you care?!” Stan roared.

              “Because I’m the reason you’re letting all your potential go to waste!” Ford shouted.  Stan stared at him in shock, the fire around his hands finally smothered. Ford’s eyes widened.  He looked away.  Stan stepped forward.

              “What do you-”

              “You heard me,” Ford said tartly.  He looked down at his feet.  “I- I hate what you did to me.  But I can’t deny my role in your current situation.”  Stan opened his mouth.  “And the reason why I summoned you now…”  Ford took a steadying breath.  “I started feeling guilty the moment Mom kicked out Pops for what he did. But I’ve been able to stifle that guilt under anger.”

              “Until today.”

              “Until today,” Ford repeated.  He took another breath.  “When I realized you had committed that arson, I knew you had given up on your dream of being a hero, and I couldn’t ignore the guilt any longer.”

              “Why?”

              “Honestly?”  Ford looked up at Stan.  He managed a weak smile.  “Because you’d be a damn good superhero, Stanley.  You could do so much, help so many people, save lives!  And that’s been your goal since we were children.”

              “Because I could help other people.”

              “Because it’s what you were meant to do.  Mom saw that in you, even before your powers manifested.  I saw that in you.  Hell, Pops saw it in you, too.”  Stan raised an eyebrow doubtfully.  “He saw it in you,” Ford insisted.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “He just didn’t care about supers.”

              “You’re right about that,” Stan said.  He cleared his throat.  “And you might be right about the other things, too.”  Ford perked up.  “Everything’s not suddenly hunky-dory, just so you know.”

              “I know.  I have negative feelings towards you that have yet to be resolved.”

              “Yeah.  Same for me, but in a less nerdy way,” Stan said.  Ford rolled his eyes.  “But…” Stan trailed off.  He sighed.  “I turned to a life of crime ‘cause I didn’t have a choice.  But I never felt that great about it.”  A faint smile quirked the corners of Stan’s mouth.  “Call it Mom’s influence.  I couldn’t quite shake the feeling I was meant to follow in her footsteps.”

              “Of course not.  You were meant to become a hero,” Ford said.  Stan’s smile grew stronger.  “We both have issues to work out, between the two of us, but I don’t want you to give up on your destiny.”  Stan let out a bark of laughter.

              “Destiny, huh?”  He grinned at Ford.  “Well, when you say it like that, I can’t really say you’re wrong, can I?” Ford smiled back.

              “So you’ll give up crime?”

              “Yeah.”  Stan cocked his head thoughtfully.  “Not until after I fill up the Stanleymobile one more time, though.  She’s running low on gas.  Once that’s done, I’ll go back on the straight and narrow.  Just gotta figure out how to join the Defenders or whatever.”

              “There’s a newer team on the West Coast that I think you have a better chance at joining,” Ford said.  Stan shoved his hands into his pockets.

              “I’ll look into ‘em.”  Ford nodded in relief.  “Oh, by the way, remember our deal?”

              “Deal?”

              “Every time you summon me without warning, you owe me food,” Stan said.

              “Wh- we made that agreement when we were children!”

              “And I’m holding you to it,” Stan said.  “I’m guessing you brought me back into town when you summoned me?”

              “Yes.”

              “My motel isn’t too far away, so I’ll be back at 6 for dinner.”  Ford sighed.

              “Very well.”

              “See you then.”  Stan opened the dorm room door and strolled out, whistling.  As he walked out, Ford’s roommate Fiddleford walked in.  Fiddleford looked curiously at Ford.

              “Ya had a visitor while I was out?”

              “Yes.”

              “Was it a good visit?”

              “Yes.  It was.”

              “That’s nice.”  Fiddleford walked over to his bed and set his bag down.  “I found what I wanted at the library.”

              “What were you looking for, again?”

              “Blueprints.”

              “For?” Ford pried.  A devious twinkle appeared in Fiddleford’s eyes.

              “Haywood Hall.”

              “The building that all our school records are kept in?”

              “Yessir!” Fiddleford chirped.  He began to dig around in his bag.  “Surprisingly easy to get.”

              “I’m shocked that they even allowed you to check them out of the library,” Ford said.  Fiddleford hummed noncommittally.  Ford’s eyes widened.

              Wait, Stan doesn’t have the Stanleymobile.  How is he going to get back to his motel? Ford closed his eyes and focused. A surge of power flowed through him. There was a shout from outside.

              “What the fuck?!”  Ford walked over to the window and looked out.  Stan stood in the parking lot, staring at his red El Diablo. He looked up at the dorm.  After a moment, he lifted his middle finger.

              Ford snickered.

[splendidlyimperfect]

critical hit - chapter 3 [they're taking the hobbits to isengard]

When Sting tells Natsu that one of his friends from school is going to be joining their weekly Dungeons & Dragons game, Natsu isn’t impressed - their table is already full. But while Natsu and Gray’s in-game characters clash completely, Natsu finds that real-life Gray might not be that bad after all.

Chapter Summary: D&D night gets unexpectedly cancelled, but Natsu wants to hang out with Gray anyway.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Pairings: Natsu/Gray, Sting/Rogue

Tags: Modern AU, Dungeons & Dragons, Role-Playing Games, Awkward Flirting, ADHD Natsu, Geek Gray

*i know i haven’t updated this in two whole years (my bad) but i finally got inspiration so thanks for your patience and enjoy <3*

*link to ao3 in the comments cause tumblr keeps fucking up my posts*

-----

“I’m stoked for this fight tonight!” Natsu grinned at Gray, who was curled up in the passenger seat of Natsu’s car, looking out the window at the slowly setting sun. “We’re gonna kick this thing’s ass.”

“I dunno about that,” Gray replied, fiddling with his necklace. Natsu couldn’t quite make out what the pendant was. “We’re all nearly dead and out of magic. We might be fucked.”

“Pfff,” Natsu scoffed, pulling out of the Starbucks parking lot and heading towards home. “Maybe with that attitude. Don’t worry, we’ll pull a win out of this. We always do! Did I tell you about the time we dropped a house on a dragon?”

Gray shook his head and Natsu launched into the story, complete with wild hand gestures and sound effects. He could feel Gray’s gaze on him as he listened intently, even when the retelling took several unexpected detours. It made something warm grow in Natsu’s chest. Most people in his life were used to his rambling, chalking it up to his ADHD and excitable nature. They usually tuned him out after a while, though, or nodded along while drifting off to something else.

Gray listened, though. He’d shifted in his seat to face Natsu, knee tucked under his leg, coffee held between both hands, and Natsu could feel the deliberate way he followed Natsu’s words. It made Natsu feel important.

He’d just wrapped up another story where they had accidentally created a super-intelligent zombie when both of their phones pinged.

“It’s Sting,” Gray said. “So sorry guys, I can’t make it tonight, work called me in last minute. Can we reschedule for next week?”

Natsu felt a flood of disappointment wash through him as he glanced over at Gray, whose brow was furrowed as he stared at his phone. He was so cute – he had gotten his eyebrow pierced at some point during the week, and it made him even more adorable.

“Well,” Natsu said, chewing on his lip. “That sucks.”

An awkward silence filled the car. Natsu really didn’t want to drive Gray home – he’d been waiting all week to see him, and when Natsu had picked him up, the shy smile Gray had given him had made Natsu feel breathless.

“Well, I don’t—did you wanna, uh…” Gray trailed off, tugging at a loose thread from the hole in his jeans. “I mean I don’t have any, uh, plans? Obviously, since we had—I mean, so maybe we, um, we could…”

“They put all the Lord of the Rings movies on Netflix,” Natsu said quickly, before he could chicken out. For once he was glad for the lack of filter between his brain and his mouth. “Wanna get takeout and watch one of them?”

Before the anxiety could set in, Gray glanced up and gave him a soft smile. “Yeah,” he said. “I’d like that.”

~

Gray’s favorite food turned out to be sushi.

“You’ve never had sashimi before?” he asked once they’d gotten back to Natsu’s place and unpacked the takeout onto the living room table.

“Is that the rice?” Natsu asked as he settled down cross-legged on the floor. “Or the fish?”

“The fish,” Gray said, pointing at the slices of raw salmon. “It’s good, I promise.”

Natsu gave him a dubious look, then frowned at the chopsticks that Gray handed him. “You’re gonna think I’m totally uncultured,” he said as he peeled off the wrapper, “but I’ve never used chopsticks.”  

“It’s not hard,” Gray reassured him. Natsu fumbled with the wooden sticks, glaring at them as he tried to get them to move. “Here,” Gray said, moving closer to Natsu and reaching out for his hands. “Like this.”

Natsu’s breath caught in his throat when Gray’s fingers touched his, settling the chopsticks between them and showing him where his thumb should go. Gray’s hands were cold, and each small touch made Natsu’s heart jump. His cheeks flushed hot when he dropped the chopsticks again, and this time it had nothing to do with clumsiness.

“I, uh, might have to stick to forks,” Natsu said with a nervous laugh. Gray was close enough to him that he could smell his shampoo – something light and fruity that made Natsu want to lean in and run his fingers through Gray’s hair. It looked so soft.

As if reading Natsu’s thoughts, Gray pushed his hair out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ear. Natsu’s eyes followed the movement, and when Gray’s gaze met his, he quickly looked back down at the food, hoping the heat in his cheeks wasn’t visible.

“That’s okay,” Gray said, and it took Natsu a second to realize that he was talking about the chopsticks and not the staring. “You can eat the rolls with your fingers.” He pointed at the second container. “Those ones don’t have fish in them. Just yams.”

“I’ll try the fish,” Natsu said before he could stop himself. He was glad Sting wasn’t here to tell Gray that Natsu had sworn off seafood ten years ago after going fishing with their grandfather and crying when he’d had to gut the salmon they’d caught.

It ended up being better than he’d expected, despite the strange texture.

“I haven’t had sushi in a while,” Gray admitted once they were done the meal. “I ate it every day in Japan.”

“You lived in Japan?” Natsu asked as he stuffed the styrofoam containers back into the plastic bags.

Gray nodded. “Yeah, I was there for an exchange program for a year. I’m from Montréal originally, though.” The soft way he said the word let Natsu finally place the soft accent he’d noticed every once in a while. Of course Gray was bilingual. Was there anything about him that wasn’t perfect?

“That’s awesome,” Natsu said. ��When did you move here?”

“Six months ago, for school.” Gray crossed his legs, tucking his feet underneath him as he shifted on the couch cushion. “It’s really different here.”

“I can imagine,” Natsu said. “Have you made it down to Gastown yet? Rogue likes sushi and he says there’s lots of good places down there.”

“Oh, no, I haven’t.” Gray smiled as Natsu’s cat Happy hopped up onto the couch and rubbed himself against Gray’s legs. “I, um… I haven’t really been out too much. By myself.” He ran his finger behind Happy’s ears, who purred happily. “I’m a little—I get kind of anxious. Sometimes. To go alone.”

“I could take you,” Natsu offered before he could stop himself. “There’s so many places here you’d love – Granville Island’s amazing, they’ve got markets and this awesome café, and you’d probably like the art gallery there too. And if you haven’t been to the beach – well, beaches, there’s so many of them, and if you go to Stanley Park you can walk or take a bike, and there’s a…” He trailed off at the overwhelmed expression on Gray’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“I’d like that,” Gray said, keeping his eyes fixed on Happy as a small smile crept across his face. “To go, I mean. With you.”

“Oh.” Natsu couldn’t hold in a grin. “Cool. It’s a date, then.”

Gray finally looked up at him and Natsu’s cheeks flushed when he realized what he’d said. Before Gray could reply, Natsu grabbed the remote from the table and thrust it into Gray’s hands.

“You can, uh, pick one. Of the movies,” he said as he pushed himself to his feet. “On Netflix. I’m gonna make popcorn.”

Natsu darted into the kitchen and exhaled, rubbing his face. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket.

holy pain in the ass: you’d better be on a date, loser

Natsu groaned – of course Sting had done this on purpose, the asshole.

pyro-manic: you’re a jackass and a liar

holy pain in the ass: i think you mean ‘you’re welcome’

Natsu glared at the screen for a minute, trying to come up with something witty but eventually just shoving his phone back in his pocket.

When he headed back into the living room with the popcorn, Gray was still petting Happy, who had curled up in his lap and was purring contentedly. He’d taken off his hoodie and had rolled the sleeves of his World of Warcraft shirt up just enough that Natsu could see the never tell me the odds tattoo that wound around his wrist.

Natsu tried not to stare. Everything about Gray made him feel like he was thirteen with his first crush all over again. He’d dated other people before, obviously, but none of them were quite like Gray. There was something about him – a shy but carefree enthusiasm for the things he loved that drew Natsu in. It didn’t matter what kind of pop culture references Natsu made, Gray picked up on all of them. He could finish the movie quotes Natsu had memorized, knew all the best cards in Magic, had seen every anime that Natsu loved, and didn’t even tease him about his taste in music.

Natsu’s phone buzzed in his pocket again, drawing him out of his thoughts, and he ignored what he was sure was another text from Sting.

“I hope you don’t mind the subtitles,” Natsu said to Gray, gesturing at the screen as he sat down next to – but not quite touching – Gray. “I always have them on. It’s like, a thing, with my ADHD – auditory processing something? It just makes it hard to catch everything sometimes, the subtitles help.”

Gray nodded, scratching behind Happy’s ears. “It doesn’t bother me,” he said. “I usually have them on, too. It helped me when I was learning English.”

“Awesome.” Natsu took the remote and hit ‘play,’ then settled back against the couch as ‘Fellowship of the Ring’ started to play.

Natsu was glad he’d seen the movie at least ten times, because the only thing he could focus on was Gray. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sting’s text, about the word date, about the fact that he hadn’t felt like this about anyone in years. Natsu’s life was full of people – he was outgoing by nature – but none of them made him feel like Gray did.

They finished the popcorn quickly and Natsu leaned forward to set the bowl on the coffee table. When he settled back into the couch, he was certain Gray leaned into him a little. He held his breath, shifting as if to get comfortable, and ended up right next to Gray with their shoulders pressed together. It sent a thrill through Natsu and he tried his best to ignore the part of him that insisted he was not a teenager anymore and it was silly to get worked up over this. He tried to focus on the movie instead.

“You have my sword,” Aragon said on screen.

“And you have my bow.”

“And my axe.”

“And my vuvuzela,” Gray murmured absently.  

Natsu burst out laughing, immediately struck by the ridiculous video he hadn’t seen since in years. “Oh my god,” he said, nudging Gray’s shoulder with his as Gray’s cheeks turned pink. “You’re such a dork.” Before Gray could take offense, he added, “In a good way. I know exactly what you’re talking about and now I’m gonna have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the night.”

Gray laughed. “I just can’t take that scene seriously anymore,” he admitted. “My sister and I used to watch all of these movies on Christmas and quote along to it… it got pretty silly. And took forever ‘cause we’d watch all the extended editions in one sitting.” He played with his necklace as he talked, keeping his eyes on the screen.

Natsu was about to ask why they didn’t do it anymore but stopped himself when he remembered what Sting had mentioned when he’d first invited Gray to join D&D. Gray’s sister had died unexpectedly just before he’d moved here, and Gray didn’t like talking about it.

“We can watch them all if you want,” Natsu offered instead. Gray’s expression shifted and Natsu wasn’t quite sure what it meant – he was hard to read even when they weren’t talking about personal things. But then the corner of his lip curled up in a tiny smile and he nodded.

“If you can sit still that long,” he teased.

Natsu laughed. “Yeah, I might end up upside-down or something at some point. But that’s okay.”

Gray’s smile got a little wider. “I’d like that,” he said softly.

“Okay,” Natsu said. He tried his best to keep a huge grin from creeping across his face. “Cool. Yeah. Me too.” 

~

Natsu managed to sit fairly still until about halfway through ‘The Two Towers.’ They’d had plenty of breaks – including one where they’d pulled up ‘They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard’ on Gray’s phone and sang along until they were both laughing hysterically – but it was getting difficult to not fidget. He was about to ask if they could take another quick break when Gray shifted and the back of his hand brushed Natsu’s.

Natsu immediately froze, all restless thoughts banished from his head as he focused on the sensation of Gray’s knuckles against his. They’d been moving closer and further apart all evening, bumping shoulders and knees, but this didn’t feel like an accidental touch. Something about it was deliberate, and this time Gray wasn’t moving away.

Heat sparked in Natsu’s stomach and he stared down at their hands, hoping to hell that he wasn’t misreading Gray’s intentions as he returned the touch. He heard Gray’s soft intake of breath, and several nearly unbearable seconds passed before Gray shifted closer and slid their fingers together. He was warm against Natsu’s side, and when he carefully tipped his head onto Natsu’s shoulder, Natsu was certain that Gray could hear the frantic slamming of his heart.

He exhaled as quietly as he could as he ran his thumb down the side of Gray’s hand, enjoying the soft noise that Gray made in response. His hair tickled Natsu’s cheek, soft and fine, and when Natsu rested his cheek against the top of Gray’s head, Gray hummed happily and cuddled closer.

The uncertainty that had been following Natsu around all night immediately vanished as he let himself relax against Gray, squeezing his hand gently as they pressed against each other. It felt so right. Natsu hadn’t realized how long it had been since he’d cuddled anyone until they were both comfortable and breathing in tandem. He felt more relaxed than he had in years.

The movie kept playing but Natsu barely paid attention. His brain, always in overdrive, immediately started to whether or not he should kiss Gray, if that was moving too fast, if he should maybe put his arm around Gray or whether or not that would be a cheesy high school romcom move. Gray solved the issue a few minutes later by stretching and nudging Natsu’s arm up, then curling up against him.

“I can hear you thinking,” Gray said quietly as the battle for Helm’s Deep raged on in the background. “Or panicking. I can’t tell.”

“I’m not panicking.” Natsu wasn’t sure if he was lying or not.

“Okay.” Gray rested his head against Natsu’s collarbone. “Good.”

The movie came to an end not long after that, but Gray didn’t move. He ran his fingers up Natsu’s arm instead, touching the scar that Natsu had gotten after a motorcycle mishap years ago. Gray traced patterns between Natsu’s freckles, then ran his hand back down and touched Natsu’s palm.

“Are we—”

“Is this—”

They both laughed as they talked at the same time, and Gray shifted until he was looking up at Natsu and they were nearly cheek-to-cheek. Warmth sparked in Natsu’s stomach and he leaned in, nudging Gray’s nose with his own. There was a moment of anticipation where neither of them moved, and then Gray closed the distance and pressed their lips together.

The heat in Natsu’s chest spread as Gray kissed him, rushing across his cheeks and down to his fingertips. He made a soft sound, tipping his head and pulling Gray closer until they were facing each other. Slowly, he reached out and brushed Gray’s hair out of his face, running his fingers through the silky strands. It was just as soft as it looked.

When Gray finally pulled back, his cheeks were flushed pink and he didn’t quite meet Natsu’s eyes.

“I, um…” He bit his lip uncertainly.

“I really like you,” Natsu said quickly before he could change his mind. “Like. A lot.”

“Oh.” A small smile worked its way across Gray’s face. “Good. I like you too. Also a lot.”

Natsu laughed, leaning back in and kissing Gray’s nose. “Sting did this on purpose,” he said, gesturing to his phone that was sitting on the coffee table. “He’s an idiot, but I’m kinda glad he did.”

“Me too.”

Natsu ran his fingers through Gray’s hair again, then pulled him in for another kiss. It was soft and sweet, but Natsu’s stomach still sparked with excitement at the touch. Gray was warm everywhere they pressed together, and Natsu never wanted to let go.

Gray pressed one more kiss to Natsu’s lips, then his cheek, then pressed their foreheads together. “I haven’t dated anyone in a long time,” he admitted, cheeks flushed pink. “I just… can we take it slow?”

“Of course,” Natsu said quickly. He kissed the tip of Gray’s nose. “I’m just happy to—I like spending time with you. And kissing. That’s good—great—too. Really great.”

Gray laughed, squeezing Natsu’s hand and kissing him again. Then he looked back at the TV screen where Netflix was suggesting ‘Return of the King’ as their next film.

“You wanna keep watching?” Natsu asked. “I promised you a marathon.” He looked at the clock, which already read 2:47 a.m.

“Yes? But I know you have to work tomorrow.”

“It’s okay,” Natsu reassured him, grinning. “I actually took tomorrow off because today was supposed to be our last D&D session and I thought it might take all night. Plus, I’m not tired.” He kissed Gray’s cheek again. “Maybe just a little distracted.”

“Just a little?” Gray ran his fingers through Natsu’s hair and surprised him by tugging on it gently.

“Maybe a lot,” Natsu admitted. He ran his hand down Gray’s side, then pulled him closer until he was almost in Natsu’s lap. “But I’m okay with it.”

~

They both fell asleep on the couch before ‘Return of the King’ was over. When they woke up the next morning in each other’s arms, Gray blushed furiously, but eagerly returned Natsu’s morning kisses.

“I guess I’d better get you home,” Natsu said as he ran his fingers through the tangles in Gray’s hair. “You’ve got class soon, hey?”

Gray nodded. “I’d rather stay here,” he admitted.

“Look, I’m happy to kiss you all day, but I’m also not gonna be the reason you fail your classes.”

Gray raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll have you know that I have a 4.0 GPA.”

“Guess I’m dating a genius then, huh?” Natsu paused. “Are we? Dating? I mean, is that what you wanna—”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Natsu grinned, kissing Gray’s nose, then nudged him off the couch. “C’mon,” he said as he sat up and stretched. “Let’s get you some coffee and get you home.”

Natsu’s pantry was nearly empty, so they stopped for coffee and bagels and ate quietly on the drive back to Gray’s place, holding hands across the console. When they pulled into the dorm parking lot, Natsu let go regretfully and leaned over for a kiss.

“See you on Sunday?” he asked, then shook his head. “No, that’s too long. How about Tuesday? I can take you to Gastown and show you around.”

Gray’s face lit up and he nodded. “Yeah,” he said, smiling shyly at Natsu and squeezing his fingers. “I’d like that.”

“Perfect.” Natsu kissed him again, tasting coffee on his lips. “It’s a date.”    

[thetriggeredhappy]

if ur still taking them... 28 pyroscout 🥺

pyro tf2 said trans rights and scout tf2 said disaster bi rights and the team said queer rights and that’s what’s up, sis. (warning for discussion of past transphobia and other queer issues)

#28: First kiss.

It wasn’t that Scout was all that surprised to have Pyro end up as basically his best friend. He’d secretly been hoping that he’d get to be friends with a few of his coworkers when he’d taken the job, and Pyro was pretty close to him in age and shared a few of the same interests as him so it wasn’t unreasonable to expect to get along. It was just…

Maybe it would be more accurate to say that it was a little bit of an honor.

They hung out in plenty of places—watching TV or playing card games in the common room, hopping into a car and heading into town to watch the latest movie once or twice (or like eight times if they both really liked it), sometimes out back to start a bonfire or something for the hell of it.

But Pyro’s room tended to be his favorite hangout location of theirs, because that was the only place where they were okay with taking off their mask and suit.

Pyro had tried very hard not to make a big deal out of it the first time they’d unmasked in front of Scout. He’d been confused about what they were doing unclasping the bottom of it, since they didn’t have any food with them or anything and that was the only reason they usually did that—to sneak bites of food beneath. But then they shucked the whole thing up and over their head, shaking their head to re-orient themselves, sending their hair—he’d never thought about what Pyro’s hair had to be like before, how had he never thought of that?—bouncing around their face loosely, half-flattened but clearly very naturally curly. Pyro had to take a moment to fish something else out of their mask, a cap of some kind, probably to hold their hair down, and they clearly were trying very hard to avoid eye contact, nervous.

Scout, for once, was at a loss for words, mouth flapping in a way that was probably pretty similar to a fish for something like thirty seconds straight.

“Hey,” he finally managed, pointing at his own face where assorted freckles dotted his cheeks. “We match.”

Pyro glanced up at him, a little startled, then barked a laugh, and it sounded so much better when it wasn’t muffled. They hesitated a few more moments before they pulled off their gloves as well and set all of the newly-shed pieces of uniform down on their cluttered desk, fidgeting severely. “I guess so,” Pyro confirmed, and Scout had never noticed before that they had a very slight accent, too light for him to pick out what it had to be. “I’d never, I couldn’t tell before. With the…”

They pantomimed something up near their eyes, words stalling on them. It took Scout a few seconds to get what they meant. “With the mask?” he asked for confirmation. They nodded. “Oh. Huh. So it’s kinda like your first time seeing me too, huh?”

Pyro laughed. “I guess so,” they repeated, scratching at their stubble self-consciously, or maybe just because they finally could, and then Scout made an effort to both just move on with the rest of what all they were planning on doing when they hung out and also with not staring too much.

The jump to stripping off their suit as far as the tank top and thick-but-tight sweatpants they wore underneath was done a few weeks later when Scout had demonstrated that he wasn’t planning on saying anything, and he was only a little surprised by the plethora of burn marks and scars dotting their skin. He’d noticed an awful lot of scars all over Pyro, and he figured it was probably from when Pyro had been working as a mercenary before Mann Co., something he was aware had happened but hadn’t been able to coax Pyro into talking about. But it was nothing heinous, nothing that he figured warranted a full-body suit to hide it.

He tried to work out how exactly to ask Pyro why they wore the suit without being weird or rude. Luckily, he didn’t have to.

“I appreciate it, you know,” Pyro said one day unprompted, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. They were sat a foot or so apart on Pyro’s bed and drawing, Scout sketching out a dramatic rendition of a particularly funny pose he’d seen the enemy Sniper land in when he died and Pyro apparently drawing yet another unrealistically bright technicolor landscape.

“What?” Scout asked, glancing over at them, more obviously than he’d been occasionally doing the whole time they’d been drawing together. They tended to do this really adorable thing where they stuck their tongue out a little bit when they were concentrating, and Scout had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling every time he saw it.

“That you don’t…” They hesitated. “…I dunno. That you don’t try and guess, now that you’ve seen me.”

Scout tilted his head. “Huh?”

Pyro’s gaze flickered to him and back down again almost too quickly to see. “You keep… not calling me anything,” they said. “Except for dude sometimes, but, you call everyone that anyways. That you still try and use “pal” or “buddy” instead of “man” or “lady” or whatever.”

Scout blinked.

Admittedly, there had been a good month or two right after he joined the team where he didn’t know how to refer to Pyro, and had just gone with using “he”, figuring it would be the less offensive assumption for someone in a mercenary career. Then at some point Engie finally sat him down and explained things to him, and after about a week of stumbling he finally got in the practice of using “they” and other words that weren’t particularly for a guy or girl. He couldn’t say that he really got it in a lot of ways, but he’d worked hard to learn the rules on how to be polite, because he figured he owed them that at the very minimum, if nothing else.

“What do you mean?” he asked after a second.

Pyro turned the marker in their hand over and over again. “Back before I started wearing the suit,” they started to explain, gesturing loosely at the suit in question, laid down on the chair at their desk like a deflated second Pyro (and admittedly sometimes scaring the shit out of Scout when he forgot it was there and noticed it in his periphery). “I would try and tell people I worked with that I wasn’t a guy or a girl, and they’d say sure, whatever, who cares, as long as you can kill people. But they’d look at me and start referring to me as a guy anyways. Sometimes a girl, but not usually. And only as… as neither, or both, or whatever, when I corrected them and maybe for a little while after.” They scratched at their stubble again. It was getting longer, and they’d probably shave pretty soon, if Scout knew them. “And it’s just… I always wondered what it was. I’d try and go clean-shaven all the time, wax, I wore makeup once or twice even to try and balance it out, but all that did was make them refer to me as a girl more, or look at me weird. I couldn’t seem to find the middle. So eventually I just put on the suit so nobody would… get hints anymore.”

Scout frowned, but didn’t know exactly what to say. “That’s the fuckin’ worst,” he decided on.

“I know, right?!” Pyro gushed, as if the dam had broken and they were finally allowed to feel mad about it. They sighed hard, pushing their hair out of their eyes, even if they just bounced right back into place a moment later. “They always respected me professionally, but what’s it take for a person to get called the right name, y’know!? Did they want me to wear a stupid t-shirt with instructions on it!?” Another sigh, then they looked up at Scout with those deep brown eyes of theirs, the ones that flooded Scout with an inexplicable sense of comfort. “And I guess I just wanted to say thanks. For not… I dunno. Being weird.”

Scout nodded, hesitated. “So I’ve been doin’ that right?” he asked suddenly, unable to stop himself.

Pyro smiled at him warmly. “You’ve been doing great, probably the best job anyone’s ever done,” they assured, and Scout knew his own smile was probably goofy and stupid looking, but he couldn’t bite it back.

“Thanks,” he said, having to look away, and Pyro laughed.

“And, I dunno. There was also this weird thing where I tried to date for a while and people kept not taking me seriously, then one day someone finally gave me a shot but got all weird and just straight up asked me what equipment I had on the second date and it was the worst.”

“I mean, none’a their fuckin’ business is what unless they’re asking if they should pack a condom,” Scout scoffed.

“Right!? It just sucked because most people would say “oh, I’m just into girls” or try and like, swing it as if I’m a guy and therefore it was totally cool, and only twice did I find someone who would go for whoever and one got weird about it and the other one is the person I took on two dates. Only person who ever gave me any real respect about it could only go on one date with me, and she was only cool because she kind of had some special circumstances going on too, then she had a contract abroad and we had to cut things off. And I just—I dunno. I wish people who went either way would… I dunno.”

“Hey, I fit that bill, and I’d totally date you,” Scout said, and then realized what he’d just said out loud.

Pyro was staring at him openly, mouth a little agape. They tried to start talking twice without success before finally managing it on the third attempt. “You’re bisexual?” they asked, a little surprised.

Scout immediately began backtracking. “I mean, I, I dunno,” he said quickly, looking away, face on fire, “I, it isn’t like I’ve ever really even gotten to date any, anyone but a couple girls and stuff, and, I, thinking and doing are kinda two different things, and y’know, labels and, and…”

They raised an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, yeah, I think I’m bi,” he finally admitted. “But you can’t fuckin’ tell anyone, got it? The guys already get all up in my grill about callin’ me gay all the time and, and Medic asking when the coming out party is and, and Sniper going all “what’s with the pride meeting?” and shit like that, I just, I don’t need any more of that fuckin’ nonsense, okay?”

“You know half of them do those jokes because they’re not straight either, right?” Pyro asked flatly.

Scout blinked. “The Doc and Snipes are gay?” he asked, surprised.

Pyro gave him a look.

“…Okay, I guess that’s, that tracks,” he admitted. “But—how many, who all’s…?”

“Far as I know, just Medic, Sniper, Heavy, and Spy, and those last two are also bi or something like that, and I think Demo doesn’t really swing any way,” Pyro said. “You really didn’t know? I thought they were pretty out about it.”

“Nobody tells me anything!” Scout said defensively.

“That’s fair. But… I dunno, I’m obviously not gonna go out and break out the news with confetti and streamers for you, but… I think they wouldn’t really care,” Pyro shrugged. “If anything they’d just try and wingman for you more.”

Scout thought about that for a while. “Man, what are the odds that we’d get a goddamn queer collective out in the middle of a fuckin’ desert?” he asked suddenly.

“Have you maybe considered that the people who’d go out into a desert away from civilization might be queer people trying to be more themselves where they can’t get as much backlash?” Pyro suggested.

“…Shit. That makes a lot of sense actually,” he admitted.

Quiet for a few seconds. “Let’s circle back around to that part where you said you’d totally go for someone like me,” Pyro said suddenly.

Scout pulled his hat down over his face, feeling it go red again. “Shut the fuck up, dude,” he protested, annoyed at how whiny it came out. “I didn’t mean to say it out loud.”

“Do you think about making out with me a lot?” Pyro asked, tone clearly teasing now, and Scout groaned.

“Oh my god, shut up,” he muttered. “I come out to you and you just start fuckin’ bullying me? That’s the play?”

“Duh,” Pyro laughed, and pinched his cheek, making him flush further as he batted their hand away.

“I’m just sayin’ that you’re good-looking and funny and anyone would be lucky to date you, okay?” Scout finally said, trying not to let more embarrassment flood through his voice.

That got Pyro to grin sheepishly, picking up their drawing again. “You’re sweet,” was all they managed to reply with, quieter now.

“The sweetest guy on the planet,” Scout agreed, picking up his own drawing as well, and Pyro elbowed him in the ribs, making him squawk.

He ended up coming out to Engie offhandedly during their lunch break about a week later, and he only even managed it because Pyro was sitting and eating next to him, their knee pressing into his own and bringing him enough comfort to broach the topic. Engie was immediately supportive, and ended the conversation with a pat on his shoulder and by saying he was proud of him for having to courage to say something.

That gave Scout a burst of confidence, and he ended up dragging Pyro around for the rest of the day as he came out to other teammates as well, first Demo and Soldier right after battle (Soldier needed an additional few moments of explanation but overall they were both glad to hear the news), then Medic and Heavy where they were sitting playing chess in the common room (once Heavy got past the language barrier, he offered Scout a solemn high-five in solidarity, which he accepted gratefully). Sniper was reserved for the next day, outside where he was setting up the grill to take his turn making the team dinner (he was a little awkward for a moment, clearly a bit confused and not having expected anyone to come talk to him, but once he caught on to what Scout was saying he offered one of his rare smiles and a few supportive words). 

Oddly enough, Spy was the one that made him the most nervous for reasons he couldn’t pin down, maybe partially because he didn’t bring Pyro along, but he probably handled it the most easily, treating it as no big deal at all, simply pausing for a moment before giving a flippant “Alright. Was that all, mon ami?” and shooing him back out of his smoking room shortly after.

“Look at you,” Pyro said appraisingly when he showed up to hang out in their room, clapping him on the shoulder, clearly noticing the fact that he was practically glowing.

“Didn’t even get beat up or shoved in a locker,” he said cheerfully.

Pyro looked at him for another second or two before they finally just swept him up in a hug, squeezing him almost too-tight in their excitement. “I’m so proud of you!” they exclaimed softly, and he returned the hug, burying his face in their hair when he became sure that he wouldn’t get in trouble for it, surprised and delighted by how very nice it smelled. Vanilla-y and a little coconut-y, warm like everything else about them.

It was only through the combination of circumstances—riding the nervous high from being newly-out for the first time in his life, and being all wrapped up in a hug with his best friend, and his nose being greeted by the smell of the very appealing shampoo they apparently used—that he got the exact level of confidence to do what he did next. They pulled away from the hug finally to look up at him with that same proud smile, and he leaned down and kissed them square on the mouth.

It was three or four seconds before he pulled away again with a tiny, almost-inaudible little smeck. He smiled down at them, feeling the wildly spinning combination of euphoria and fear and excitement and apprehension and thrill and terror swirling around in his chest. Their lips were slightly parted, and they stared up at him with wonder. If he ever drew the moment, he would probably draw Pyro’s pupils in the shape of little hearts, the way they were looking at him just then.

“Oh,” they said breathlessly, and laughed a little. “So you were serious when you said you’d go for someone like me, then?”

Scout laughed, couldn’t stifle it, rising up through his chest alongside his heart. “Yeah, duh,” he said, voice tinted a little higher than usual.

“Well shit, then get back down here,” Pyro said, and tugged on his shirt, and he readily obliged.

[genshin-djinn]

genshin impact: how I feel so far

I’ve just finished the prologue! Here are all of my thoughts on Genshin Impact thus far presented in a very confusing and non- linear manner.

My first and most resounding opinion on this game is that it’s amazing. The graphics are insane— the lighting, the weather, clouds passing by. All of the characters have designs so ridiculous it’s hard for me to draw them and it makes me feel like the game is just flaunting the flawless animation of all these characters’ extremely convoluted designs.

places

I love the locations sO mUCH. My favorite places so far are the two major cities— Mondstadt is just so cheery and fits the vibe of the early game (by early game I mean the dvalin quest line). It’s presented as large but in a very linear manner that you learn quite quickly. It has plenty of places to buy stuff from and just genuinely feels like a cheerful, bustling, fantasy city. fantastic and I’m in love. Liyue Harbor is presented in a completely different architectural style and it’s excellent. Mondstadt makes me feel safe, Liyue Harbor makes me feel like I’m in a wild metropolitan center.

And importantly, both of these cities feel genuinely alive. All the romantic hullabaloo in Mondstadt, Yi Zhu trying to cheer up his little sister Yi Xian after their mother’s death, the mysterious locked door in Mondstadt, Anna making wishes to recover from her illness at the well and her brother going there at night to collect all the coins so he can pay for her medication.

Besides the main cities my other favorite location has been Qingce village. The walk over to it is very nice and the town has an incredible vibe with the scale- like terraced fields. And even beyond that, the town is filled with old citizens and children— showing how all of the young adults in the town have left and decided to try to find a new and more exciting life in Liyue Harbor.

I’m having a hard time thinking of something I don’t like about the locations and honestly I’m drawing a blank. I really love all the set design/ map design. I know I will never finish that “collect every geoculus and anemoculus” quest because that’s just not the kind of dedication I have to this game (unless I get really stuck at an adventure level, though.... then things are a wild card.)

adventure ranks

this is my biggest problem with Genshin Impact.

You can’t progress the main quest (which honestly I enjoy more than a lot of the side quest because of my sheer attachment to these characters and their stories, which I’ll talk more about later) until you hit a certain adventure rank. And it’s a real pain getting them. I’m the type of person who gets freaked out when fighting a level 1 ruin guard with a set of level 39 characters and an inventory full of honey chickens. I do sometimes go into this state of bloodlust when fighting hillichurls and I feel like actually seeking out their camps to return them to dust myself but then I find one of them dudes with a shield and remember that my one pyro unit is amber and uhh.... that feeling goes away real fast.

I hope that the game does what they did with adventure ranks 18-20 more often— my next quest in Liyue is locked until rank 23 (I am not looking forward to increasing my world level can I please just play on easy difficulty until forever) but I get this cool new Darknight Hero quest that I’ve been looking forward to to tide me over until I hit level 21 and can go on another bookworm date with Lisa. Yes, spacing out the main quest line is okay, but I really like having a lot of side quests in between as well so I can gain adventure ranks organically rather than specifically hunting for geo/ anemoculi.

characters

I love the characters in this game maybe as much as I love the locations in this game. Maybe more.

My favorite character is Kaeya because I am a sap for antiheroes with attitude problems. More on him later.

I’ve also become very attached to Amber. She’s just such a positive soul and she so genuinely wants to do what’s right and she’s so useful for lighting things on fire which is something I do not have any other character to do (holding out for Xiangling at level 20....). But she’s just not a great character fighting wise. She takes a while to load arrows and they aren’t super useful compared to any of the other seven characters I own. But she can light stuff on fire and I don’t have anyone else to do that so she must remain on my team for the time being.

next up is Lisa. I like Lisa. I know she’s there for the perverts who want to see anime women’s chests but I genuinely do like her. Her personality is, well, very different from all the other characters’ and I kind of like her constant over the top- ness. Her ability is useful but I switched her out for Chongyun in my team and I can’t bring myself to get rid of Aether or Kaeya yet.

I rolled Xingqiu, Beidou, and Noelle but haven’t used them much. All I know about them is “water bookworm young master whos closet good at fighting”, “pirate who stopped me from getting that fecking file folder I was trying to get”, and “maid whose voice I like in the english and Japanese version”. (Side note, I mainly use the Japanese voiceovers because I prefer them. Downside is I sometimes can’t understand a word the characters are saying but it’s worth it for the voice actors)

I also got Chongyun who seems like a nice boy. I rolled him after I started playing with Japanese voiceovers, though, so I don’t understand most of his idle dialogue. All I really know about him is that he’s super positive and he loves ice cream and that’s good enough for me

Next up is my somewhat problematic fave Kaeya. It’s morally bad that you can’t tell whether he’s lying or telling the truth but all it does is make me like him better as a character. I can 100% see why he’s paired up with Jean and Amber as the most visible characters in power in the Knights of Favonius— they all sort of fulfill different roles. I really want to see more of him in the main plot, not when he’s lying about his grandpa hiding pirate treasure. Also we know nothing about his real motivations and actual past besides “diluc’s step brother, maybe like saw diluc kill his dad or like saw diluc upset after his dad was killed wE dOnT kNow”. and I want to know.

Can’t talk about Kaeya without talkin about his bro Diluc. I can’t wait to see him in this next quest line. I really want Diluc on my team. Same with Jean. That is all.

Penultimately I’m gonna talk about my personal favorite god of freedom whose powers just got stolen, maybe god, definite good bard Venti. I really like Venti. He’s got a lot of charm and he just fits perfectly as the easygoing free god of Mondstadt. I started yelling when that signora gal nabbed him. don’t worry venti we will kill her for you

Annnnd finally here’s my opinions on Aether (I chose him to be my protagonist) and Lumine (the Princess, I think). I do kinda enjoy them. They’re a bit of the typical blank protagonist type (can be sassy, can be cruel, can be honest, can be kind) but Lumine’s dark turn is just fascinating and I want to learn more about their relationship and how it’s changed since they were separated. Where even is Lumine? What will Aether do when he learns that his entire purpose in life has been in charge of the ones who’ve been hurting his new friends? It sounds like a fascinating situation.

(also Venti refers to Lumine as Aether’s “imouto”/ little sister— does he call Aether Lumine’s “otouto”/ little brother if you chose Lumine as your protag? which twin is older? is it determined by your choice of protagonist? hmmm)

least favorite things

Besides my problems with adventure rank, I have two other main issues with Genshin Impact.

Firstly, basically all of the female characters are dressed in outfits that seem designed to show as much skin as possible.

annnd secondly it’s extremely difficult to roll five star characters (Jean, Venti, Diluc) without paying money. this is a good way for the company to make cash but it’s also kind of annoying.

wrap- up

Ok! Those are all my main thoughts for now, at the end of the prologue and before chapter 1! I’m off to play the darknight hero quest (probably gonna post some of my mishaps here too). also I want more primogems we should be able to pet dogs npcs excitement bye

[livinginsunnyhell]

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do. 

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich. 

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows. 

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now. 

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing. 

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them. 

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun. 

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer. 

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there. 

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands. 

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.  

[dantediscoversfic]

Chapter 40: The Crap Cave

“Dante! You found us!” Clio said as I hovered awkwardly in the doorway of the art room that first day of school during lunch period.

She bounded over and grabbed my elbow to draw me into the oddly dark classroom. The overhead lights were all off, the window shades partially drawn down and gloomy pop music I vaguely recognized as The Cure droned from a cassette player. About ten kids were sprawled out around the room, most of them sporting various degrees of punk/goth/New Waver style. Two corset-clad girls in billowy skirts drew intricate designs on each other’s arms in black pen; a couple dressed in “normal” clothes was making out with gusto in the corner by the potter wheels; a boy wearing all black continually skimmed his pointer finger over the top of a Bic lighter flame; and the rest were eating lunch, chatting, scribbling in notepads or singing along to the music. Clio flicked the overhead lights a few times to get everyone’s attention, eliciting a few winces and hisses and boos from the group.

“Everyone, listen up, this is Dante. He’s new. He’s from Texas, but try not to hold that against him. He’s a brilliant artist. Dante, this is everyone. That’s Raija, Jane, Sachi, Fletch and Kelly back there sucking face, Joseph, Ann, Dave, Forest and Vee.”

I was greeted with a few head nods and finger waves, except for the couple making out who kept at it with sloppy yet admirable enthusiasm. Everyone went back to their conversations as Clio led me closer to the girls she’d pointed out as being named Jane and Sachi.

“So, Dante from Texas, welcome to 'The Crap Cave’”, Clio said using air quotes. “We have lit mag meetings here and also make our own ‘zines and stuff. Raija’s mom Ms. B is the art teacher—she just stepped out for a minute—so she doesn’t care if we hang out here as long as we don’t you know, perform ritual animal sacrifices or set anything on fire. Again.” She coughed pointedly in the direction of the boy with the lighter seated a few desks down from us and the girls chuckled. Seeing my apparent confusion she said, “See, Joseph’s a bit of a pyro and went through a destruction of property phase last year, didn’t you, Jo-Jo?” The boy in question grinned slyly up at us. “But he’s got it under control now,” Clio continued. “He channels his urges into sculptures where he can use an actual blowtorch from woodshop.”

“Blowtorches rule,” he said and cast me one more glance before focusing all his attention back to his lighter and intrepid pointer finger. I couldn’t help but notice that all his fingernails were painted black and he was wearing eyeliner and dark lipstick like the girls.

I pulled my gaze away from him, not wanting to stare too hard and be rude. “What did you call this room? The ‘crap cave’?” I asked Clio. “Did I hear that right?”

“Oh yeah, you heard me right.”

“Do I even want to know?”

Clio laughed. “Don’t look so scared, we know how to use the bathrooms like everyone else. It’s a sort of long story. You ever hear of The Batcave?”

“You mean like from Bat Man comics?”

“No. Well yes, but no. Same but different. The Batcave is this famous club in London for people like us. Bauhaus, Robert Smith, Siouxie, Nick Cave, Specimen all hang out and play there. Jane actually got to go there this summer, that lucky bitch,” Clio knocked Jane’s shoulder with friendly admiration. “So we kind of started calling it that in homage to the club like a year ago. But then the school had this gross mouse problem and their little poops were, like, this constant presence in our lives, so somewhere along the line we started calling it ‘The Crap Cave’ instead. Because that's how we roll.”

“The mice were perfect and adorable, not gross,” Sachi said.

“Sachi, no. Just no. The mice themselves might have been cute but their poops definitely weren’t.”

The two girls bantered about whether the mice should have been saved and kept as pets or if they were indeed an icky health hazard while I took everyone in, trying not to gawk, and sat down to eat my packed lunch. I was fascinated by the group’s collective style: a motley assortment of teased and spiked dyed hair, leather jackets, ripped band t-shirts, corsets and lace, fishnets, heavy boots, winged eyeliner, black lipstick and nail polish, powdered white faces, spiky hardware chain jewelry mixed with rosaries, crosses and pentagram necklaces. Some of the boys were even wearing makeup, which was something you hardly ever saw in El Paso. Joseph, the pyro boy, was particularly fascinating to me. His raven hair was teased out as much as Clio’s and his dramatic eye makeup accentuated his blue eyes and delicate, almost pretty features. The flame from his Bic lighter cast a warm glow on his ghostly pale skin.

Clio must have caught me staring because she leaned in close to my ear and said, “Don’t worry, Dante, we might look at little scary but we don’t bite. At least most of us don’t. Forest over there is saving up to get his teeth filed, but it’s not for blood sucking purposes. It’s because it’ll look badass.”

“Wow. My old school in El Paso was a Catholic private school so we all had to wear uniforms. It’s so cool you can wear whatever you want here. And be whoever you want. Do you all make your own clothes? I love your corsets,” I said to Jane and Sachi.

The girls grinned at me with approval and Clio said, “I knew you were a good egg, Dante. Jane made the corsets. She’s an amazing designer and sewer. I think the rest of us get by with thrift stores, hot glue and a crapload of paperclips.”

“I’ve never really thought about my clothes before,” I said. “But now I feel so boring compared to you all.”

“Aw, there’s nothing wrong with being a normie,” Clio said and patted me on the back. “It doesn’t make you boring.”

“Well, if you want to try something new, let me know,” Jane said. “Jo-Jo’s my twin brother. I make stuff for him all the time. Cravats, vests, things like that. I’m sure he’d let you borrow something.”

“Wow, thanks. You think I’d look good?”

“Yeah, for sure. But don’t let us pressure you. We dress like this because it feels right, right? But it’s not for everyone.”

The girls nodded.

“How did you all know you wanted to get into goth stuff?” I asked.

Jane said, “Well, for me, growing up I loved making clothes and dressing up since forever. Halloween was my always my favorite holiday. I was obsessed, like obsessed. Like I’d start planning my costume and how to decorate the house six months in advance. And after it was over each year, the next day I’d get so sad and cry for days and beg my mom to keep the decorations up and let me keep wearing a cape or whatever to school every day. So when I figured out that I could dress however I wanted whenever I wanted and basically have Halloween all year round and have my clothes express how I feel inside all the time, it was like a big weight was lifted.”

“Do people make fun of you?”

“I mean, sure, dicks are dicks,” Jane said.

“We get all sorts of ignorant comments at school, on the street, wherever. Like…‘Hey Morticia, Halloween is over,’” Clio lowered her voice to a dopey male grumble.

“Or ‘Errr….Do you sleep in a coffin?’” Jane said.

“Or ‘You look pretty hot for a dead girl!’” Sachi said.

“Or my personal favorite, the classic ‘Going to a funeral?’” Clio said with an epic eyeroll. “Yeah, your funeral if you don’t shut up about it. Please. But there are lots of people who aren’t asshats and you can just ignore the losers.”

“Yeah,” Sachi said. “People say things like ‘Oh, you’d look so pretty if you didn’t dress like that’ but this is how I feel pretty and beautiful. I didn’t feel right before. Now I feel good. Right. Like myself.”

“Raija’s mom is super cool because she’s an old hippie and gets it,” Clio said. “But my mom is still waiting and praying for the day when I let her dress me all in pink pouffy dresses again. Sorry Anita, not gonna happen.” There was an edge to Clio’s voice when she talked about her mom that I hadn’t heard from her yet. It made me wonder what her home life was like.

Sachi said, “Yeah, my parents were all worried at first that I was depressed and wanting to kill myself. They tried to have an intervention with all my aunties and cousins. ‘We’re worried about you, Sachi.’ ‘This isn’t the real you.’ Um, first off, yes it is. And second off, I’m so much happier now than before when I felt like a fake.”

“Yeah, people think that we do this for attention or as a cry for help or because we’re suicidal or worship Satan or are in a cult, but that’s not true at all,” Jane said. “I started making clothes for myself when I was ten. This isn’t a ‘phase’. I’m not going to just grow out of it.”

“And finding people who are into the same bands and fashion and movies and everything makes putting up with all the weird looks and comments easier. We’re here for each other, ” Sachi said.

“And sure, we get attention,” Clio said, “because we stand out with our awesome amazingness. But it’s not like we do it for attention.”

“Yeah, I totally get it.” I said. “I think it’s great.”

The girls smiled at me and I wondered how it would feel to dress like them, if that would feel ‘right’ for me or not. I understood what Sachi had said about feeling like a fake, though, and not liking how that made me feel. I felt that way when I used to tell people my name was Dan and not Dante. I felt that way still, a little. Because I didn’t quite know what it meant to be totally free and open with myself and the world and the universe. Not when it came to the biggest secret I had. In El Paso, I felt like I already stood out by not looking Mexican enough, by liking art and poetry and books and astronomy too much. It was enough to blend in and not get teased or bullied for being a little strange. Now I wondered if I flipped the script and really tried to stand out—if I dressed all in black and put on makeup and spiked my hair and embraced my innate weirdness—if that would make me feel more like me. It might make me feel tough and cool and badass for a little while, but I doubted it would make me feel more like myself the way it did for this group. How did I know, though? I’d never tried it before.

I wondered what Ari would think of my new friends. I bet he’d like them. And then I wondered what Ari would look like in black nail polish and eyeliner. I bet he’d look like a dark glamorous rock star. The thought did funny things to my insides.

Then the art teacher, Ms. Baldwin a.k.a. Raija’s mom, came in. She had gray hair in a long braid all the way down her back and wore a long flowy dress and bangle bracelets. She turned the overhead lights on and said, “Hey darklings, the cruel daylight beckons. Gotta get ready for the next class. Lunch is over in five. And you two, yoo-hoo, Earth to Fletch and Kelly! Please rein in your raging hormones during lunch if at all humanly possible? I can’t have anyone getting pregnant on school grounds.” Everyone cracked up at that and Fletch and Kelly turned beet red but finally disentangled their entwined limbs (and tongues).

I had an art class with Ms. Baldwin later in the day so I introduced myself.

“Hi, I’m Dante Quintana, I’m in your painting class during sixth period.”

“Dante, it’s so nice to meet you. You’re new, yes? This lot showing you the ropes?”

“Yes, Clio invited me to eat lunch with her and be part of lit mag.”

“That would be lovely. I’m the advisor, so I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot of you. How are you finding Chicago? Settling in all right?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Ma’am! Please, call me Ms. B. Where are you from?”

“El Paso.”

“Ah. I’ve only been there once. EPMA is a lovely museum. Have you been to the Art Institute yet?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“We’ll be doing a field trip later in the year, but if you are a lover of art you must go. It’s one of the prides of Chicago.”

“Thanks, Ms. B, I will.”

"Now if you’ll excuse me, Dante, I have to prep for next period. See you in a few hours!”

Ms. B went over to her daughter Raija, who had been sitting off to herself drawing in a sketchpad for most of lunch, and gave her a quick side hug before disappearing into a supply closet. Since everyone else was getting packed up I ate the rest of my lunch quickly and consulted my schedule to see where I was headed next.

“You’re in sixth period drawing?” I looked up and saw it was Joseph who had asked me the question. Standing up instead of hunched over the desk I saw how truly long and lanky he was. He was about a foot taller than me.

I nodded up at him and tried to smile but had a hard time keeping eye contact.

“Cool. Me too.”

He flicked his lighter a few times in his right hand and then grinned a lopsided grin at me before heading out into the hallway right as the bell rang.

This was shaping up to be a much different first day of school than I had expected.

[poisonappletales]

What do you think it would be Ambrosia's and Pyro-kun (Blanket Guy)'s favorite character from the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Mine's are Dr Strange and Iron Man.

Ooh, nice choices! Let me see whatUnknown and (present-day) Ambrosia have to say. Well, I could have told youdirectly what their favorite characters were, but somebody insisted on getting what they wanted…

“Honey,we’re answering this one together.  ♥”

“It seems we are.” [She gives a bow in greeting.] “Iam called Ambrosia of the Phoenix, dear sir. I suppose I should call you…SirPyro or Sir Blanket?”

“Heh. You can call me Sir Mix-a-Lot.Just kidding -  Sexy will do. Even though, I will say…baby, you gotback.”

“Mm. Sir Joker it is.”

“Baby, why so serious?”

[She chuckles behind a slender, whitehand.] “It almost sounds like you’retrying to impersonate someone. I can’t say I’m all too familiar with thisMarvel Cinematic Universe…”

“Oh, let me fix that. I know where wecan watch all the movies.” [In asingle motion, he snatches her small wrist and begins to tug her afterhim.] “Come to my place. We can snuggle onthe couch. Do you like whipped cream and cherries? I have some treats you mightenjoy…kihihi!”

“W-Wait…! That - your hand…! Sir Joker…!”

[She can already tell that the strength of his grip is not one she canoverpower alone, even if she had intended to struggle. Instead, she allows himto lead her where he wishes, as docile as a lamb. After all, his intentionswere harmless, weren’t they? They needed to watch the movies, and he was just alittle bit of a joker.]

“Here we are!”

[He burst into his house with that announcement and whirls around toface her, his large fingers still laced warmly around her birdlike wrist.]

“Ah, yes.” [She is quick to retrieve her hand from his clutches, which he so generously allows. She thinks to talk to him like X and smiles -] “Itisn’t good to treat a lady so roughly. Please don’t touch me again.”

“Oh? I didn’t hurt you, did I, monpetit oiseau?” [He extends a hand, as if totuck a lock of hair behind her ear.] “IfI did, you should have said something. I would have been gentle.”

[Oh,he isn’t so bad, she thinks, and yet, shecan’t feel entirely at ease. Perhaps, it had to do with the fact that shecouldn’t see his eyes, shadowed entirely by that red hood. Perhaps, it wasbecause he was still reaching for her.]

“You’re being too rough right now.”

[Murmuring those words, she steps back before his seeking fingers cantouch her hair or any part of her.]

“My! What a lovely house you have.”

[She makes a point of casting her gaze about the spacious room, more asa way to change the subject than anything else. A simple digression to avoid anunnecessary confrontation or strange argument. Yet, now that she looks around,she realizes that it’s hard to see past the surrounding shadows.

Somehow, his house felt more dead than alive.]

[He draws back his rebuffed hand, hissmile unwavering.] “Hehe, make yourself at home, darling.”

[He begins to sidle over to the television, one of the newest models,and Ambrosia wonders what it is that makes him more unsettling than X. Thatcriminal wasn’t beyond calling her “babe” or a silly thing like “marshmallow,”and yet, she felt more comfortable dealing with him than Unknown. Some part ofher wished that he was there with her now.

Then again, perhaps he would just heckle her alongside the blanketedfellow.

Before she knows it, Unknown has one of the Marvel movies set up on thetelevision, its screen bright in the dark, and he has a seat on the couch,sealed up in beige damask. He pats the spot beside him.]

“Come sit next to me, honey.”

[with a smile:] “Perhaps I will, if you can remember myname.”

[He grins and crooks a finger at her. Sensing that he has something totell her, she ventures forward, taking careful, little steps as if navigating aswamp. When she stands before him, Unknown leans forward and whispers into herear:]

“Ambrosia…come sit next to me.”

[He smiles up at her from his seat in a way that’s almost a smirk. Somehow,she can’t shake the feeling that she’s being led in some kind of dance. Sheconsiders taking the seat farthest from him, but now, that would’ve been fartoo immature. Despite the futility of such an action, her cousins surely wouldhave done so, but as much as she wished for it, she wasn’t like them.

She settles down beside him. His smile broadens, like a satisfied catwith a bowl of cream.]

“Please tell me about the movie we’rewatching. I’ve never seen one before.”

[She sits with her hands foldedneatly on her lap, a serenely poised flower. 

Remembering how she bowedin greeting and how she followed without resisting, Unknown thinks: “…She’sreally rather meek, isn’t she?”

At the same time, he can see thelight in her eyes. Although she spoke with a gentle calmness (and a hintof something that wasn’t quite an accent), he caught a flicker of curiosity.She was looking forward to watching the movie. “Well,that’s one of her firsts I’ll be taking…”  he jokes inside his head.

He imagines there’s strength to go with that curiosity, an ember hidingwithin a cage of silk. He wonders how long she’ll continue to be meek and howfar she would let him go…]

“You haven’t, have you? I think you’lllike it.” [He pauses, re-considering.] “Well,you might prefer something like TheNotebook or Titanic…hmm…”

[Looking at her silk robe with itsred sash, the first two movies that went through his head was TheKarate Kid and then, more appropriately, Memoirsof a Geisha. He could see her enjoying thelatter, but he had a feeling that she would prefer something a little lessaction-oriented than the former.

On second thought, perhaps she would find amusement in the comedicscenes?]

“Either way, you’re sure to find something to enjoy. Don’t forget what our curiousMidnight Glade kitten wanted to know.”

“Oh, yes.”

“Which hero gets you hot.”

“Eh?” [She pauses, looking at him with widened eyes.] “Ah…you’re…reallyworking hard to earn your name, aren’t you, Sir Joker?”

[She laughs softly behind a handagain. Her voice doesn’t shake, but her initial hesitation strikes him as ateeny-bit nervous. Good.

As the movie begins, Unknown’s smile grows, and he unfurls an arm acrossthe top of the couch behind her. He isn’t touching her - not yet - but it’sclose enough for him to feel her body heat. If she notices, she doesn’t sayanything.]

[They spend the night watching as many Marvel movies as one canreasonably cram in the span of a few hours. Throughout that time, Unknownoffers her a snack of pretzels, popcorn, and candy, all of which she politelyrefuses. When he brings her a baby blue cup of hot chocolate with whippedcream, she accepts it with another courteous remark and, after waiting for itto cool, takes a sip from it occasionally.

It seemed like her well-mannered responses was her way of trying todistance him. However, it wasn’t an outright rejection, and those were theterms of his unofficial bet with Arsenik, wasn’t it?

She was cute - really cute. During some of the action scenes, she wouldgasp, her hand hovering by her pink lips as if genuinely worried about theactor. During any make-out scenes, she would flush and look away. Once, herpretty eyes inadvertently fell his way, and he had no doubt his leisure smirk made her toss her face to the other side.

When each film ends, he asks what she thinks, and they take the time toshare their thoughts and opinions. Sometimes, he sees her glance at the candyhe had brought as snacks, but she never takes one, even when he offers again.]

[By the time the credits are rolling for the umpteenth time, Ambrosiaalmost lets herself lean into the comforting pillow of the couch. Her headfeels heavy with a wave of drowsiness, but if she surrendered to it, she knowsshe would only fall back against Unknown’s arm, which remained on top of thecouch behind her.

That trivial threat alone was enough to keep her back straight and hereyes wide open.]

[She laughs:] “Oh,dear, I feel I’ll have the most vivid dreams tonight! All these movies are sointense and thrilling.”

“They are, aren’t they?” [Her cheery response isn’t unexpected. From his short time with her,Unknown could see that this little demure flower was chock full ofpositivity.] “We still haven’t seen all the sequelsyet, but this should give you a good enough taste of the Marvel CinematicUniverse. What’s your take on it?”

“It’s creative  - thoroughlycreative! A truly comprehensive universe of its own. I like that there’sgenerally a happy ending, too. The heroes and everyone in their city deservesthat much.”

“I’m sure they do. Defeat the bad guy,get the girl - that should be the proper course of order, no?”

“It’ll be difficult to pick afavorite!”

“Film or character?”

[She giggles.] “Both,I’d say! But for a favorite character…I’m leaning towards Sir Thor. He’s fun,fair-minded and open. And given where I am right now, I think I can relate towhat it’s like, being in a different place and culture.”

“Oh, so you like fun guys?”

[teasingly:] “Ah,do you mean to say if I like a man like you, Sir Joker?”

“You know I’m fun and open to doinganything with you. ♥”

“You know, I wasn’t thinking aboutromance when I answered.”

“Good. Less competition for me then.”

[Once again, he provokes a chuckleout of her.] “Tell me who your favorite characteris, if you can choose one.”

“My favorite…the one who’s most likeyou.”

[with a laugh:] “Oh,be serious for a moment, Sir Joker!”

“True, you are one of a kind.” [He grins.] “Iam Groot!”

“Ah! Hehe, Sir Groot really was cute. Ialmost feel like I could call that movie a favorite out of all the ones wewatched simply because of him!” 

“I was tempted to choose Mantis. I likehow she pointed out the Star-Lord’s…special feelings for his beloved. I alsofelt bad about what the Destroyer kept saying to her. I know what he is gettingat, but if you ask me…”

[The hand on the couch behind hermoves to run through her dark hair.]

“All women are beautiful.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t take to SirTony Stark, the witty playboy.”

“He had amusing comments to make, buthow can you beat Groot?”

[She chuckles.] “Yes,he is a difficult rival. Sir Tony Stark didn’t stand a chance.”

“Tell me your type.”

“My type? Hmm…”  [She playfully wags a finger at him.] “Someone who knows howto listen when I tell him to keep his hands off, for one.”  

[He throws his head back in alaugh.] “When you look like that, darling, howcan I resist?”

“In that case, allow me to take myleave.”  [Still smiling, she begins to risefrom her seat, her hands clasped together all the while.] “Itwas fun, Sir Joker. Thank you for accommodating me in your home and showing meall these exciting movies.”

“I can show you even more exciting movies…”  [With a cockeyed smile, he leans back, his arm perched uponthe couch like before.] “It’s dark out. You sure you don’t wantto spend the night? I have an extra room.”

“To ask a lady to spend the night at aman’s house…how scandalous!” [Shegiggles.] “Please understand that I must decline,but I truly appreciate the offer.”

“Well, if you ever change your mind,you know where to find me. We should do this again. It’s not every day I getcompany like yours. You make it just a little bit less lonely in this big house.”

“Ah, is that so?” [That surprised her. Confident and vivacious, he hadn’t struck her assomeone lacking in friends. However, far be it from her to judge byappearances.] “Mm…well, I still haven’t watchedsome of those Marvel sequels - or that Notebook or Titanic movie you mentioned earlier.”

“I still think you’ll like those. I’llbe sure to have them the next time you come over.”

“Oh, I don’t want you to go through anytrouble to fetch them…”

“Trust me. It won’t be, darling. I’mlooking forward to watching them with you.”

“Just make sure you’re better behavedthen!” [Laughing softly, she dips forward inone of her customary bows.] “Havea good evening, Sir Joker. I’ll see you next time.”

“It’s a date.”

[She turns to leave without a reply. Most likely, she had taken his lastwords as a joke. She seemed to think a lot of what he was saying were jokes -hence, her little nickname for him.

He didn’t dislike it. The name or her sweetly genteel acceptance of his “jokes.” Sometimes, they really were. Other times,there was more to it. His petitoiseau was clearly a woman who didn’t seeherself as beautiful or one deserving of adoration.

Even when she chose a favoritecharacter, romance wasn’t on the forefront of her mind. It was for that reasonhe wasn’t sure whether she would really prefer TheNotebook or Titanic.

In many ways, she had the modest air of someone who didn’t believe shehad a chance at finding love. At the same time, she knew how to tease him withall the charm of a confident seductress, one fully aware of the effect she had on men. What was really on her mind?

Fortunately, this wasn’t their last meeting. Yes, he couldn’t wait tomelt the ice in her heart and make her burn up for him. Would he find herawaiting him eagerly on his table then?]

Asyou might have seen, Ambrosia chose Thor and Unknown chose Groot! Surprised?

Other than that, Ambrosia’s secondfavorite was Groot, while Unknown’s second favorite was Mantis. (Wow, he justkeeps choosing people from that movie, doesn’t he?)

Anyway, this turned out a little longbecause…well, because of Unknown and his antics.

Also, according to thesurvey of what you want to read thatI posted about a while back,quite a few of you said you wanted to read more about Unknown! For the questionabout what pairings you wanted to see, somebody said they wanted to see thepairing of “Ambrosia and blanket dude” and another wrote “Ambrosia - Guy from Don’t take this risk.”  

So, I let myself have fun with this one, hopingy’all wouldn’t mind. I still want to write something more story-like (this isformatted half-visually, so I adapted my writing style to it!), but for now, Ihope you all enjoy what you see here.

On a side note, mon petit oiseau is French for “my little bird.” And just to avoidany misunderstandings…Ambrosia decides to call him “Joker” since he’s sucha joker.(Plus, she wasn’t about to call him Sexy.) I’m not saying whether or not that is hisname. You’ll have to find out yourself in the full version of Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces)!

That said, I’m honestly lovingthese crossover-type asks of yours, midnightgladewall! Don’t ever beafraid to go outside the box with these. It’s fun to shove my characters out oftheir comfort zones. (Not that Unknown has a whole lot outside his comfortzone…)

Asalways, feel free to let me know what you think. What do you think of their choices? Did you expect them? Have an awesome rest of the day!

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Say no to this

Here's the excerpt from Mick's POVS during the beginning of his and Claire's "relationship." (Claire and the beginning of their relationship can be read in my Fics, Just like Fire and Hot and Bothered. Yes, I shamelessly self promote, I don't care.) Takes place after season 1 of Legends of Tomorrow. Song from Hamilton. There's nothing like summer in the city Someone under boredom meets someone looking pretty There's trouble in the air, You can smell it And Mick's by himself I'll let him tell it Mick was incredible bored. It was one of the few days when the team had a break and everyone had their own way of relaxing, especially after the clean-upon Sara seducing the Queen of France. Normally Mick would have gone out with Leonard or Sara but Leonard was dead.

Despite Rip's favor to let him see Leonard via time machine. He didn't feel like it. He would already know all the heists and what happened. He needed something new.

Sara on the other hand was dealing with the death of her sister and Len. She had gone back to her hometown for the funeral and stuff. So he decided he would go back too, in 2016 of course. I hadn't slept in a week I was weak, I was awake You never seen a bastard orphan More in need of a break Longing for Leonard Missing action It was almost 10:30 at night in Central when he arrived. Mick went back to one of the old safe-houses, half-expecting Lisa to be there, looking over Leonard's belongings like she did after he gave her the news. She took it hard, wailing and crying and locked in Leonard's old room.

The safe house was empty, he figured Lisa was out or something, probably with that skinny, engineering kid that helped the Flash. He still didn't get what she saw in him.

He froze, he smelled the oh-so familiar and intoxicating smell of smoke. He scanned the room when he spotted her. Leaning lazily against the stairs, long, red hair trailing down to her feet and a smirk playing on her black lips as her hands played around with a fireball. That's when Miss Claire Selton walked into my life

“You're back? Uh, Lisa's out with her little engineer toy. She said she'd be back by morning." Claire smiled casually, looking at her nails as the fire flicked between her fingers. Mick had met her a few times before. First when he had broke the news about Leonard. Lisa had apparently gone to the same Earth he had went to with Flash and friends and also met Supergirl and had to fight a CEO, Luthor -something. (He had no idea why a CEO was such a problem for heroes, but he hadn' t been there).  Claire had been pulling heists which Lisa helped and then brought her back to Central for more robberies with Shawna and Axel. He hadn't really noticed her then, but then he visited a few times after that.....Claire and he, they ended up sleeping together almost every time.

Looks were defiantly a big part of it, her costume was a tight dark reddish/black leather pants and crop top with window's peak. It emphasized all the right places.

But her powers was an even bigger turn on. She was a pyro-telekinetic, able to create fires and she was fascinated by her powers. She completely understood the magnificence that was the flame revealing the truth behind the covers.

No one in Mick's life really understood that, much less relish in burning things. She was the only one that had not ran away when he suggested his fire gun in the bedroom instead of the small, fragrant candles that his other girls seemed to prefer. In fact she even made it a pretty fun sex toy. She said: I know you are no man of honor I'm so sorry to bother you at home "I'll wait,” he muttered gruffly, settling into the beat up couch he had pulled to the middle of the room years ago. Claire took that as a cue to explain what she was doing.

"Lisa and I had this idea to take over the Smithsonian exhibit for the Egyptian jewelry. But then she got a call from Cissie, what's his name so I'm trying to figure out how the hell we're going to pull it off." But I don't know how to go, and I'm doing this all alone "Plus all the police are being really careful because of the last few times I set fire to the places. So I figure, it would be extra-fun if we were able to pick the pocket from one of them, probably their wallet, just to pay off my bet with Axel." "After all,” she mock-pouted.  The police are doin' me wrong Beatin' me, cheatin' me, mistreatin' me... Suddenly the jewels are locked and gone I don't have the means to go on Mick considered, he did come here for action, and who knew better than he at stealing priceless exhibits? So I offered her a favor, I offered to do the deal, she said You're too kind, sir Claire smiled, "Well I'm sure Lisa won't mind if we do it for her." She flopped on the couch seat next to him as her hand sneaked down to squeeze his ass.

Mick remembered the deal of their one night flings. Victory sex only.

It had been his idea. Mick had absolutely no interest into turning whatever this was into a relationship. He didn't need anyone, it only brought sharp pain. Leonard choosing the Legends over him, betraying him and then dying would be prime examples. 

He didn't want to get close. It was so worthless to care about people, it made everything too complicated. Even when he tried, he couldn't believe that the fact he cared about the team was enough for him NOT to succumb being Chronus again. That was when he had to draw the line. He would stop caring for people after the Legends. Nothing more, nothing less. He had a reputation.

Though it was not a relationship, friends with benefits didn't fit either. They had to be friends and actually know about each other which he refused to do.

So victory sex. If they get this heist right, they could have sex.

Which didn't seem like a bad way to spend his down time.

Once he got downtown, it went uphill from there. It was actually quite an easy job. Since Central City hadn't seen him for the past couple of months, he made a distraction in the lobby with his heat gun, prompting all of the cops to go stop him while Claire sneaked in to melt the glass and steal whatever she wanted.

As they raced back to the safe house on the motorcycle, Claire complained, “Ugh I really wished I could have gotten the Srgt.'s wallet.” 

"Look at my pocket," Mick said gruffly, "Took it when he tried to tackle me.”  I gave her the wallet that I had socked away We were a block away she said: “I know how to repay this, sir Then I said, "well, I should head back home,"

She turned red, she led me to the bed "I'll do the work tonight" she said, and turned her body into flames.

Another one of her powers, fire shaped like a woman, the chest and all. Mick grabbed his gun and dropped his pants. ---------------------------------------------------------—————————— 12 rounds later, the room smelt of burnt leather, and sheets as the two started to get redressed. Mick motioned to the door when she stopped him. Let her legs spread and said: Stay? Mick froze.

What!! Stay! That wasn't their deal. It was just drink, burn stuff and have sex. Not in that order or sometimes all at once. There was NO HANGING OUT. No  STAYING.

"It isn't even 2 yet. I was gonna go clubbing, do you want to?" Claire asked Hey… Hey…

Mick couldn't believe he was even considering this. It was going against his self-imposed rule not to hang out with her......

But he didn't have anything else to do. He was too pumped up with adrenaline to sleep and he didn't know how much time he had to go stealing again before getting called away by Rip. That's when I began to pray Lord, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this. But my God, she looks so gorgeous And her body's saying, "hell, yes" Nooo, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this In my mind, I'm tryin' to go Go! Go! Go! Claire leaned closer, "There's alcohol...”  Then her mouth is on mine, and I don't say… "Fine! only ONE club don't have anything better to do" No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! "Move faster. This one's my favorite,” Claire dragged Mick's arm to another club. The sixth one he had gone with her this morning. I wish I could say that was the last time I said that last time. It became a pastime Mick settled into a easy chair and nursed his gin. If one thing he regret at the Vanishing Point besides the torture and abuse he received as Chronus, it would be his lost days as a hard drinker. He had know it was bad after losing in a drinking contest with Sara but after his seventh drink of the night, he felt like he was about to fall out of his chair.

Claire on the other hand was dancing on bar's counter. He guessed she was trying to be sexy with the swaying hips and bouncing boobs coming out of her red halter but it reminded him more of a drunk bellydancer 

Finally after 2 more minutes, they got kicked out when Claire discreetly used her powers, pretending to be a fire breather and made the light bulbs explode. Mick thought it would be a great time to start a bar fight but when he fell down after standing up, he decided to just let Claire drag him out, chattering excitedly. "That was amazing! I felt like Azula, damn I was half-expecting the fire to turn blue. I wanted it to be blue." "Zulwho?" Mick slurred.

"Fictional character. Look up the Last Airbender., Azula. She is like my role model,” She stumbled under his weight.  "Woah, you are not a drinker, big guy?" Claire asked as she finally dumped him on a shady spot by the road and collapsed next to him.

"Not me fault, time travel..” Mick mumbled.

"That sucks.” Claire commented as she readjusted her bun under a white headscarf. She claimed, she would be too recognizable without it. Then her phone beeped, and she checked it.

"Say are you doing anything on Saturday. There's a Pompeii lecture and I need to steal the medium size replica with real volcanic magma and ash,” Claire grinned. 

"Stealing magma is not really my thing. Why would you want that?" Mick's shook his head trying to get the fog to lift. "My powers. My name is Volcana, I wanna see if I can manipulate the magma or something. Make something erupt.”

"Why did you even choose that name, if you don't know if you can control volcanos?" He asked.  "I didn't choose it. These scientists at CADMUS did. I was their little weapon and experiment project,” Claire growled at the name Cadmus. "What kind of experiments?"

"I won't go into it, but putting 3 shots of heroine in me at the same to see if that improves my ruthlessness in killing and combustion powers. Hint, it doesn't. I had to get my stomach pumped for two hours." Claire rolled her eyes.  Mick lay down, staring at the sky. Cadmus sounded like the Vanishing Point, the brainwashing. The years and years of brainwashing.

"How long were you with them?"

"Since I was 13 until two years ago. So 16 years of hell, wondering if I would ever leave and do something worthwhile than be a mindless pawn. If I could actually be a human than a weapon. Now here I am, life is sorta good, but Lisa says I really need to get use to social cues. And go beyond a a 2nd grade level education."

"Second? Wouldn't you be in eighth at 13?"

"The drugs made me forget stuff." Claire answered.  "I haven't been in school since I was 14. Juvie then jail." Mick said.

"Juvie? Wait, are the stuff they say about it true? Do they beat you up on your first day? Do they really electrocute you? What did you do?" Claire interrogated eagerly.  "I killed my parents," Mick sighed "It had been my fault. I had been playing with a lighter...." He trailed off, thinking.

A minutes into this question I received a message From inner Conscious, Mick Rory, even better, he said Dear Sir, I hope this message finds you in sober health And in a thoughtful enough position to realize What you're doing: down on your luck You see, your spilling your life story to a stranger you Fuuuu— What the hell was he doing? He was telling about his parents to her! No one knew about his parents exempting Leonard and he knew only the bare facts. Nor he didn't tell anyone of his conversation between him and his younger self. It was enough that he cared about the Legends who were all probably going to die just like Leonard did.

He was telling his personal life to a girl he didn't care about. He will not care about. Uh-oh! You will be the wrong sucker a cuckold Do you want to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled And hey, you can keep seein' the whore girl If the price is right: if yes she'll end up ruining your life Oh god, and if they start sleeping with someone else? If she turned out to betray him and use this information against him. No!

Mick Rory was a lone wolf and he was staying that way. I got up and pinned her to her place "This is not our deal! It was just victory sex, victory sex! You manipulative bitch, you're trying to drug me and bond. No, that was not the plan. I don't give a shit about you. What the hell did you think you're doing?" Mick yelled.  Screamed "How could you?!" in her face She said: No, sir! Half dressed, pissed. A hot mess, this is Pathetic, she cried: What the hell, sir! "What are you talking about?" Claire screeched, shoving him off her, “Got YOU drunk? You did that all by yourself. And I don't give a shit about you either. What is wrong with you, I just asked you a question.” 

But Mick was on a roll. So was your whole story a setup? I don't know what you're talking about? "You asked me about clubbing. You were the one that wanted to hang out,”  Mick protested. 

"You could have said no. I don't want to marry you, what sorta of commitment issue freak are you?" Claire stammered. Mick could see her confusion but the haziness of the alchohol inly made his blood pump harder and all the stress piling up from Leonard's death, and the disrespect he had been getting from EVERYONE and kind, friendly emotions made him want to explode. 

"Not that! You what be friends. We have stuff in common and I don't want that!" Mick gestured angrily to her.

"I swear if we were by a public road, I would cremate a very special part of your anatomy.." Claire hissed, her hand sparking dangerously.  Stop yelling Goddamnit, shut up! If I didn't know any better "And another thing Mr. You're a manipulative bitch. If you didn't want to be friends and know about each other, you wouldn't have kept asking about me?" I am ruined... "Shut up, I don't need anyone."

"If you want to be victory sex and drink fine. And we end up friends whatever! Just think, Rory before I do something you will regret.” Claire's voice calmed to a lower level as she saw him wince from the volume of his own yelling. Please just leave me helpless If that's what you want and you can have me Whatever you want, I am helpless How could I do this? Mick's head pounded with the same thoughts going in a frantic drumming rhythm. I don't want you I don't want you Mick's mind was on overdrive. One part was telling him it was all wrong to start trusting someone else in his life. To actually care about someone else besides himself. Too complicated and too sharing. He didn't need the extra work. 

But he also thought about how it would be nice to have sex more often, with someone who didn't mock his love of flame nor his intelligence.

Really where would he meet someone else he liked fire like he did? And every time they were together not once had he heard he say "idiot" to him. If you pay You can stay Tonight Helpless Whoa! How can you Say no to this? "What is it?" Claire's voice seemed to cut through his thoughts like a knife. Lord, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this Cuz the situation's helpless And her body's screaming, "Hell, yes" No, show me how to Say no to this How can I Say no to this? When her body's on mine I do not say… Yes! Say no to this 

Be with a girl who actually saw beyond the need for fire, but took the time to listen to his thoughts about it. To relish it. Yes! Say no to this 

To be with a girl who went through the pain and nightmares of torture, thinking to be all alone in the world. That no one would ever actually care about her. That every day it would be the same pain pounding into their body like a clockwork. Yes! Say no to this

To be with a girl that saw his effort on heists, saw his odd ideas as good ones. Yes! Say no to this

To be with someone who not only understood that, but as I thought she was truely content with what was happening to her life right now. She was always so energetic and never minced words. He could read her easily. And damn it, if it wasn't a turn on to see her bringing a policeman to his needs. Go! Go! Go! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! "I...I freaked," Mick sat down again, head hanging. "It's hard for me talk about things...Plus I'm drunk." Say no to this… I don't say no to this There is nowhere I can go. "I'll tell you that story another time." Mick finished lamely, his eyes flicked up to see her staring at him with what seemed to be concern. How rare for someone to look at him that way. So? "Can we go to another club?" He asked.

"Sure," Claire looked at him questioningly, "You're fine?" 

"Yes, I think I will go with whatever happens," Mick said and he felt a little shiver up his back as he saw her small smile changed quickly to a smirk. 

"But we cannot talk about this, I have a reputation." Mick finished, glaring at her.

Claire smiled again, "Of course, I get it..." Nobody needs to know

[thebiggaylion]

Marshmello @ EDC Orlando 2017 (with Gareth Emery and Excision)

It’s April, ya’ll!  There’s no more excuses for cold weather, so could someone tell Mother Nature to knock it off with all the snow for my friends up north?  Music festival season is definitely underway, and us Floridians ain’t trying to rave in no snow (but shout out to those who manage to do it anyway!).  As long as we’re on the topic of northerners, one of my friends was talking to me regarding Marshmello earlier in the week.  I knew that when I got around to posting this segment that it would need to also include Excision, whom he loves.  So, since this same friend was my original inspiration for my first ever #ThrowbackThursday, (which was for Excision), it seems liked that conversation was the perfect sign from the universe on what to post this week!  Before we get into all that, though, I had to split this post, but decided to do it in a slightly different way.  Instead of just doing two parts down the middle, I’ve decided to take the Marshmello stuff and the non-Marshmello stuff and put them each in a post.  We’ll see how it turns out in the end... and while I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly stated this before, feedback has always been and will always be welcome!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram What a great way to start the set!  No, this wasn’t his opener, but I think his remix of Waiting for Love is a huge improvement over what seemed like a bit of weird pacing of the original, so I just loved hearing it. Avicii - Waiting for Love (Marshmello Remix) https://soundcloud.com/aviciiofficial/waiting-for-love-marshmello Slushii x Marshmello - Twinbow https://soundcloud.com/aviciiofficial/waiting-for-love-marshmello

Find this photo on Instagram | Find this photo on Facebook So those folks who were dancing in front of me in the video above turned around, saw me, and she wanted a picture!  Turns out these Norwegians are actually from Norway, accents and all!  Usually I think of the other large music festival in Florida being the one to attract international visitors, but I suppose Orlando is still the tourism capital of the world, so of course there’s draw for folks to visit here besides EDC Orlando... but it was really cool to meet some legit international headliners!

Find this photo on Instagram | Find this photo on Facebook Of course, getting a pic with only part of the crew is never best, and this year the husband behind The Big Gay Lion could act as a photographer for folks who wanted a pic without the selfie perspective haha.  We actually ran into these folks once more on the way home after Day 1 was over!  I didn’t get any socials from them, but they’re as delightful as they look!

Find this photo on Instagram | Find this photo on Facebook Speaking of delightful (and selfie perspective), here’s another headliner that’s a good example of someone who saw me taking pictures, and decided to get one for themselves haha.  I didn’t get a line on this gal, but I love a headliner that’s all smiles and loves to get in close for a great pic!  And who doesn’t love a flower crown at a music festival?

At this point, the husband of the guy behind The Big Gay Lion wasn’t feeling Marshmello like I thought he would, so we walked around the festival for a little bit.  I was interested in seeing some of the other acts performing at neonGARDEN and circuitGROUNDS during this time slot anyway, so off we went!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram We’re leaving kineticFIELD along the edge of Rainbow Road, kinda near the merchandise tent, and-... holy crap, would you look at this!  At the time I took this video, I didn’t realize how her altitude and such was controlled (there are two tech guys holding onto the whole thing, leading it around and such), but we’ve never seen anything like this at EDC Orlando’s past.  I decide this shot can turn into a decent atmosphere video, and decide to pan back to kineticFIELD.  You can see the Pulse Portal art installation on the left side of the video, just before I zoom into kineticGAIA).  Once I started paying attention to what I was hearing, I knew for sure I’d love this video... this song is one of my favorites! Ookay - Thief https://soundcloud.com/ookaymusic/thief

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram So we made our way over to neonGARDEN, and saw a dude I’ve always loved not only because of his amazing music, but because of the positive, energetic vibe he brings to his (now concluded) podcast series.  Even though I didn’t stay long, apparently the universe was smiling at me, because... I caught an ID haha.  This one doesn’t seem to be out yet, but both himself and Ashley Wallbridge dropped this for Armin van Buuren’s A State Of Trance 850, and the video link to that show is below, timestamped to it’s appearance in the stream (@48:30). Ashley Wallbridge & Gareth Emery - ID https://youtu.be/4OLfAFkL8EY?t=48m30s Ben Nicky - Cobra https://soundcloud.com/bennicky/ben-nicky-cobra

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram And speaking of amazing luck, I managed to catch this clip during Excision’s set at circuitGROUNDS while his awesome Harambe visuals were up.  The song that followed was fire too, so while I’m certain the entire performance was just as hot as last time, I’d like to think I caught one of the highlights! Excision, Datsik, and Dion Timmer - Harambe https://soundcloud.com/excision/x-harambe Whyel - Revolt https://soundcloud.com/harshrecordslabel/whyel-revolt-1

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram After heading back down Rainbow Road to kineticFIELD, we must have run into some of the folks we knew, for we stopped kinda far back.  Doesn’t bother me, cause that just means I can get the whole of kineticGAIA in my shot!  Also, here’s one of those pop-crossover moments that I love!  Yeah, yeah, Guns N’ Roses would probably die than be called “pop”, but “pop” is slang for “popular”, and if you think Sweet Child O’ Mine wasn’t popular, then you are too young to remember it being on the radio (or simply haven’t listened to a radio station that focuses on the 1980′s since then)!  Also, I think it’s great that Guns N’ Roses has a SoundCloud!  This song is back-linked on their SoundCloud page as being THIRTY-ONE YEARS OLD.  That’s not the oldest song I’ve ever posted about (the winner would likely be when Alison Wonderland dropped Bill Withers in 2016, which at the time was released forty-five years earlier!), but it’s reaching back in time for sure! Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine https://soundcloud.com/guns-n-roses-official/sweet-child-o-mine Galantis - Runaway (U & I) https://soundcloud.com/wearegalantis/galantis-runaway-u-i-1 Reece Low - Bounce That Ass https://soundcloud.com/reecelow/reece-low-bounce-that-ass-original-mix-1

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram Here’s yet another pop-crossover moments!  Each song after the next was great, but I had no idea where he was going with his mix when I started recording haha.  Also, Papa Roach has a SoundCloud too?  And here I thought that platform may only get utilized for pop, hip-hop, and dance! Jack Ü feat. Kiesza - Take Ü There https://soundcloud.com/diplo/jack-u-take-u-there-feat-kiesza Knife Party - Boss Mode https://soundcloud.com/knifepartyinc/knife-party-boss-mode Papa Roach - Last Resort https://soundcloud.com/paparoach/last-resort RL Grime feat. Djemba Djemba - Valhalla https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cE_CUiteaM

Download High Res (35.4 MB) | Download Low Res (4 MB) End of the night?  More pyro!  I’ve been doing 15-frame GIF’s since I ran into the 2 megabyte soft limit on Tumblr, but this one I wanted to do with only 14 so I can get close to a perfect loop on that fire haha. At this point, the husband of the guy behind The Big Gay Lion starts getting all impatient, and wants to try to beat the crowd out of the festival.  Yes, I know that’s not possible with EDC Orlando.  No, he didn’t know that.  But after this moment, we walked back to the locker, got our stuff, and headed out.

Find this photo on Instagram | Find this photo on Facebook But before we got to the exit, I saw one of the most amusing totems of the year.  Maybe of all time?  A big ol’ screen shot of Trixie Mattel from her YouTube series with Katya called UNHhhh.  That’s not a typo, the title is just post-verbal.  The show is one of all-time favorites for the guy behind The Big Gay Lion, so he loves this pic!

Find this photo on Instagram | Find this photo on Facebook After exiting Tinker Field (and running into those Norwegian headliners at a crosswalk!), I got back to the car (may it rest in peace), and got the head dress off.  As you can see in this pic I snapped, my head dress wasn’t properly affixed to my noggin for Day 1, and there is almost zero remaining impressions on my forehead.  But, I was definitely messing with it all day, which was quite annoying.  The line of makeup you see missing from my forehead was intentional.  I figured if the head dress didn’t move, then I wouldn’t need to paint everything... man I was wrong, because if you look back at all my Day 1 stuff (which is easily done using my Tumblr Index!), you can see where the makeup stopped just below the headband in almost every one!  Ugh.  I tried to be lazy, and now it’s been immortalized in all my Day 1 pics from 2017 haha.  Don’t worry, as you may have already seen from my Day 2 stuff, I didn’t make the same mistake twice!

So there we go!  Probably one of my most musically diverse posts ever haha.  I did a lot of walking around this year--even moreso than I did in 2016--and while I did enjoy myself, it was hard to get into the groove.  I might have to let the husband of the guy behind The Big Gay Lion hang out with the biggest fan and his group of headliners so I can stick to a show I like and get into the groove properly!  But, that’s for seven months from now... only 218 days left to go, right?  Right!  Oh, and don’t forget there’s two parts to this post if you so desire to have this content split logically.  Love ya’ll, see ya next time! 🏳️‍🌈🦁❤

Links out for Harambe! Facebook | Tumblr (Index) | YouTube | Instagram | Twitter | Web

[tattoosandporcelain-blog]

The stadium was dark and I stood backstage.  My heart was pounding with the sound of the screaming fans that filled the space.  Seventy-thousand, I was told, but that couldn’t be right.  There was no way seventy-thousand people came to see me perform.  I felt the knots there in my stomach that I knew all too well.  They were always there, whether I was backstage, thinking about the stage, or heaven help me, on stage.  I closed my eyes and felt the warm press of lips to the side of my neck as a man’s arms wrapped around my mid-section.  His voice was familiar, as was his scent, and in that moment, I knew him.  “Baby,” I heard him say, his lips trailing from my neck to my ear, his encouragement a constant since I was just a child.  I smiled behind closed eyes as I leaned back against him.  His hand came there against my stomach, knowing that which laid within, having seen this many times before.  “Is it really seventy-thousand?” I asked, to which he hummed his positive response.  It truly was seventy-thousand.  My breath hitched in the back of my throat as the confirmation from him meant more than the original statement from another.  “I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, but he didn’t need to hear the words.  He knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling, and that nothing was going to cure it until he turned that other persona inside of me on.  Coree Cartwright couldn’t take that stage.  Coree Marx?  Coree Marx could kill it.  Coree Marx could bring tears in eyes and make the entire crowd dance and smile all in the span of an hour.  Lucky for me, the name on their tickets read ‘Coree Marx’.  “Baby, you can.”  He slipped back if only to come around before me, taking his hands to the sides of my faces, forcing my eyes to focus on his.  “Because out there, you’re Coree Marx and Coree Marx puts on one helluva show.  Then, when you’re all done, it’s me and you, back to the hotel where I am the luckiest man in the world because I get the girl.”

The moment was sealed in a kiss as I hear my stage manager calling out to me that it’s time.  As Barron and I walk to the platform that will ultimately draw up from the center of the stage, two people work to get my mic in place while I walk with my hand in Barron’s.  Everyone else in the world of music has always told me to go out there and to be myself.  But Barron knows that myself is the one person I can’t be.  That’s the person reserved for him.  That’s the person that only he gets to see, not that I really think it’s all that great or anything, but the rest is a show.  It’s all just pretend.  But it’s what it takes to get it done.  ‘Lights go down in three,’ the manager stated to me which I nodded my head as my feet found the round floor of the platform.  One last kiss and my hand fell free of Barron’s.  Crouching down against the platform, my hands pressed to the floor where I’d find a red stoned microphone waiting for me.  I gave up a nod of my head to Barron who I wouldn’t see for nearly two hours, yet just knowing he’d be there, watching, encouraging me from behind the stage was enough for me.  ‘Pitch black, Core.  It’s all you.’  The words came through my ear piece, telling me it was time.  The opening show of my first world wide tour and it was all done just the way I wanted it.  As the platform raised, I brought the microphone to my mouth, speaking into it as the entire stadium went dark.

“It is in the darkness that you find yourself completely alone.  There, it doesn’t matter who other people think you are.  It is only in a completely dark room that you can give in and be yourself.  Not conforming to society’s idea of who you should be.  There, in that room, you can wear what you want, or nothing at all.  You can let your hair down and wear no make up.  There, you can dance around in the dark and listen to your favorite song on the radio and there’s no one to judge you for your song or your dancing or anything at all.  Tonight, I want just that.  I want you, alone, in your room, in the dark.  I don’t want you to worry about who you came with or who might see what.  I want every single one of you to join me in a place that is comfortable.  Join me in the dark.”

As the platform slowly rose, I lowered the mic against my thigh, giving myself a moment of pause before I’d begin.  The lights of the stadium did not come on.  There was no music.  There was no pyro or lighting or special effects.  Instead, it was a darkness both visually and audibly, entirely of my own design.  The transition here was important for me to leave behind Coree Cartwright and find the Coree Marx.  To turn it on.  To turn it up.  And to make sure that every single person in the audience had the best night of their lives.  “I knew you were trouble when you walked… in.”  The song began acapella with an eerie sound there to my voice.  Keeping it slow, I drew in an audible breath against the microphone there entirely intentionally before the next.  “So shame on me now.”  The lights were still off.  The crowd scanning their eyes across the stage, searching for me, but I wasn’t there.  “Flew me to places I’d never been.”  From within the platform, paused between two levels, I spoke breathily into the microphone, giving up one slow line at a time, but had yet to reveal myself in the darkness.  “Til you put me down.  Oh, I knew you were trouble when you walked… in.”  The platform began to move once again as the last three lines made their way past my lips, each one careful and planned, never rushing through a single one of them as each one held their own importance here in the build up.  “So shame on me now.  Flew me to places I’d never been.”  I lifted my head, looking up towards the darkness over head.  I knew it wouldn’t stay this way forever, but I was ready for it now.  I felt the energy of a roaring crowd coursing through me, ready to break free, to come out, to put on that show that they had all come out for.  “And now I’m laying on the cold, hard ground……”  A second after, a man’s voice came through over my own silence, speaking a single word in tune with a beat dropping.  ‘One.’  

Suddenly the arena was lit up as bracelets on every fan’s wrist simultaneously came on, giving light to the crowd so that I could see each one of them.  The band kicked in and all of a sudden, everything was alive.  I felt my heart beating through my chest, but it was no longer nerves.  Everything was energy.  The crowd was energy.  The music was energy.  The lights were energy.  I was energy.  “Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, I was in your sights, you got me alone.  You found me.  You found me.  You found me-e-e-e-e.  I guess you didn’t care and I guess I liked that, and when I fell hard, you took a step back without me.  Without me.  Without me-e-e-e-e.  And he’s looong gone when he’s neeext to me and I realize, the blame is on me.”  Dropping the mic to the side of my thigh, I turned, pausing as the violinist took over, tearing it up with everything she had in her.  I drew up my hand, and it was in that very moment that the last of Coree Cartwright had left the building.  A sign between myself and Barron that I was there, and on point, and everything would be alright.

“Getting ready for this, I wondered about a lot of things.  I wonder what it would be like to perform for 70,000 people.  I wonder what it would look like if they were all lit up and just dancing around like no one was watching them.  I wonder what would happen if I invited the most amazing artists in the world to come out with me and perform on my stage.  Would they do it?   I wonder what it would be like to get so lost in it every night and never want it to end.”  A recording of my voice played in between songs as I explained to the crowd just how it was that this had come to be.  But as I concluded that statement, hearing the intro to I Know Places playing in the background, all of a sudden, everything went dark again.  

For a moment, I was confused and then all of a sudden, I was thrown into another world, somewhere else, where such things did not exist.  There was no stage persona or confidence.  There was just an awkwardly tall blonde, laying in bed next to a man that was passed out asleep.  There was still darkness, but I could hear him breathing there next to me. The energy though… the energy was still there as I lifted my head from his chest, my hand coming against his upper arm to gently wake him as I had to get it all out of my head and into reality all at once.  I had to tell him everything that I’d just seen and experienced.  I had to tell him that I knew how to fix everything.  I knew how to keep my label and I knew how to get from here to there.  But as his eyes opened, it was gone.  I remembered none of it, though the secrets that dream held were the key to the future.  It was all just lost somewhere in the darkness.  As my eyes met his, I went blank.  I think he asked if I was okay, but I really couldn’t be sure as I could still hear the faint sound of a crowd screaming my name.  Biting against my lower lip, I nodded my head, laying back down against him as I drew a long, deep breath.  “Was just a dream, I guess,” I offered, whispering a confession though I didn’t know what the dream contained.  I released another breath as I settled into his side, closing my eyes once again as if it would somehow make me remember.  “I wanted to tell you about it, but I don’t remember it now…”

-February 25, 2017