#can you tell ive been living with a kitten for the past two months
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You should draw Flamon actually stealing/snarfing down your jerky.
hmm well i already ate all the rest of my jerky before he could get it, so i cant get a picture of that...
besides, we talked about it and i think hes gonna stop eating all my stuff now! look, he's being so polite—!
—MOTHERFUCKER
#abril can draw sometimes#flamon#can you tell ive been living with a kitten for the past two months#she eats like two cans of cat food a day and she still acts like she's never eaten in her life#i happened to be microwaving some bacon but dont expect me to be able to do most requests i have low motivation#this made me laugh tho so it follows the Laugh Rule!#wait. shit. i literally just established that i think he'd look cool if he glowed a bit but i totally forgot to draw that here. moTHERFU
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a life update
cw/tw, pet death mention, depression, suicidal thoughts, toxic home relationship
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so. I've kinda dropped off since the new year. been meaning to update you guys (gender neutral) but, well. it's been hard. so let me give you a summary of the first twelve days of 2023 for me
-girldriend broke up with me
-my own words caused a best friend to stop being friends with me. it's my fault. maybe if I apologized and begged, I could fix it.
-two weeks ago, on a Monday, the day classes for school started, I took my cat and emotional Support animal, Alfred, to the vet in-between classes
-alfred already had hypothyroidism, high blood pressure and kidney disease, and was on approximately three meds (two pills and a packrt of gel stuff for his kidneys)
-at the vet, they determined he has pancreatitis, hip and back arthritis (which is why he sits and walks weird), and one of his few remaining teeth is starting to go bad
-pancreatitis, I could handle. another pill, no problem, it's fine
-but the arthritis. he's in pain, and has been for I don't know how long.
-the only pain medicine is a shot they give him, which is 75 dollars once a month, not including the price of his other medications, wet cat food from lack of teeth, and check ups
-so, I. I made the decision, and I'm putting him down March 14th. its spring break, a Tuesday, so I can spend one full day with him, and not miss work or school while grieving
-we went back and forth for about an hour before I blew up, saying I was managing it, I was going to keep him comfortable while I processed it, then went to class
-went home, told my mom. she yelled at me, said I was being selfish for keeping him alive for so long. made me feel guilty for considering cremation, I wasn't being fair to Alfred
-two days of peace while my uncle was visiting
-thursday morning before class. I came downstairs, we talked, normal. then she said that it seemed like I cared more about my cat dying than when my grandma, her mother passed in 2021.
-for context, I was close with my grandmother. I visited her once or twice a month for almost a year prior to her passing, and it was incredibly hard on me. I took the whole week leading up to the funeral off of work.
-i guess my mom didn't remember, because she had the AUDACITY to tell me I didn't take a grieving period for my grandma, then she got upset when I said "how dare you"
-then I went off to class, and texted a friend whom had offered to let me move in with their family in the past, if the offer was still on the table and how it would work.
-ive lived here for two weeks now. it's a longer commute to and from work and school, but I havent been yelled at in two weeks as of tomorrow
-prior to 2023, I lost two cats in 2022. Family cat Smokey in August, baby 2yo kitten Princess in October.
-march 14th, the day I'm putting and have scheduled to put Alfred down, is eight days before my birthday.
-i still have class and homework. I have a comm I need to finish, and the person has been so understanding, but I feel awful
-i can't write. I've tried. gods, I've tried. I'm adding small tidbits onto current drafts, but it's so hard. I can't handle angst at all, and that puts several projects on hiatus
-im crying every few days because it hits me that my best friend, my constant companion, will be gone in less than two months
-Alfred is 12ish, I've had him for four years. five in August, but he. won't be here then.
-he was a rescue, so I don't know his true age. everyone, vet included, thinks he may be older.
-vet said nobody would judge me for my decision, and based on Alfred's medical condition and chart, I wasn't making a wrong one
-ive never had to put a cat, or any pet, down before. never had to make the decision myself.
-ive struggled with suicidal thoughts and major anxiety the past few weeks. I'm trying my hbest, but.
-im tired.
tldr: my life is going to hell and will be hell well into the year, and I'm sorry about the sudden halt of fics and posting. I'll try to write what I can when I can, but. no promises, unfortunately
if you got this far, thanks. I appreciate it.
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Pains <> Harry Styles
You were sleeping on your recliner in your bedroom after reading a bit while waiting for your husband Harry to come home. He was hesitant about leaving you this morning for work considering you’ve been having huge stomach aches these past few weeks. They’ve gotten to the point where you wake up almost screaming, but they stop after a minute or two. You didn't think it was bad enough to go to a doctor for yet, so you haven’t, and Harry is still worried about leaving you. He would hate himself if something happened to you and he wasn’t there to help you through it.
It was close to midnight when Harry came home, locking the front door behind him. He set his keys and wallet on the entry table as he makes his way towards the kitchen and living room.
“Y/N, baby, I’m home.” Harry shouts in a whisper. He didn’t know if you were sleeping or not so, if you were, he didn’t want to wake you. He starts upstairs and peeks into your shared bedroom. He sees your closed eyes and your peaceful state. With a sweet and relieved smile on his face, knowing you’re okay, he walks into the room and towards you.
Harry gently places his hand on your stomach that is slightly shown from your shirt being pulled up, rubbing up and down with his thumb. He leans down and kisses your forehead. He wanted you to know he was home, but he knew you were exhausted, so he didn’t wake you.
Harry carefully undresses you, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He tucks you in, making you comfortable. He knew you’d want him to stay with you, but he left you to rest. Harry went downstairs, settling himself at the bar with his laptop and getting a little work done. He would’ve done his work in the bedroom so he could keep an eye on you, but he didn’t want to make too much noise.
* * *
It was almost 2 in the morning and you suddenly woke up. There was a sharp pain in your side, and you could feel another stomach ache coming. But, after a minute, the pain went away. You stood up from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath you.
You barely took one step when the sharp pain came back, even worse than before. Your stomach began aching, and the sharp pain cut across your stomach. You let out an ear piercing scream, this being even worse than it's ever been. You held your stomach in severe pain as you fell to the floor, banging hard against the wooden floorboards.
Harry’s POV
I was just about done with my work for the night when I thought I heard the creak of the floorboards from upstairs. I couldn’t be sure, but it was probably just Y/N getting up to the bathroom.
Just then, not a second later, I heard a glass-breaking scream, followed by a bang on the floor coming from upstairs. I didn’t hesitate as I threw myself from the bar and flew upstairs, rushing into the bedroom. What I saw broke my heart and I didn’t wait even a second as I rushed to my baby girl, lying on the floor and struggling to get onto the bed.
“Y/N, what the hell happened? Are you okay?” I questioned as I picked her up and set her on the bed. Her eyes were closed but I knew they were red, and tears streaked her cheeks as she sobbed in pain. I looked down to see Y/N covering her stomach in pain. I knew what was going on.
“Okay, Y/N, I’m gonna help you through this. You’re going to be okay.” I told my wife. I tried prying her arms away from her stomach, but she just put her arms back where they were.
“Y/N, I need to help you.” I told her as she cries. I could tell she was trying to open her eyes, but it looked hard for her. “But, I can’t do that unless you let me.” I explained, trying to be calm, though it physically hurts me to see her in so much pain. She cried out as she just barely nodded. She slowly released her arms from over her stomach as I guided them to her sides.
I placed my hand on her stomach, knowing it'll help ‘coz it always helped when Y/N felt sick or was hurting. But, when I just barely touched her, she winced and flinched back, replacing her arms over her stomach.
“NO!” She screamed. “It hurts to much.” She cried to me.
“Ok, baby. I’m gonna get you to the hospital. Just stay calm for me, alright?” I said, hovering over her. I look across the room and make my way to get one of Y/N’s long sweaters. Sliding it over her head with difficulty, I pick her up in my arms and take her to the Range Rover after grabbing my keys.
I place her carefully in the front seat, buckling her in and rushing to the drivers side. I drive 5 minutes to the hospital, running inside to the reception desk.
“Something’s wrong with my wife and she needs a doctor now.” I panic to the woman as she eyes Y/N and the fragile state she’s in. She looks past me to see a doctor or two there in the hall. She waves them over with a hospital bed as they run over to me and Y/N.
“What’s going on?” One of the doctors questions, motioning for me to put Y/N down on the bed. But, as I was about to put her down, she clutches my shirt in her fist.
“No, Harry, don’t let me go!” She screams, snuggling her head in my chest and her other arm wrapped around my neck.
“I’m right here, baby. I won’t let go.” I tell her and the doctors begin leading me down the hall, Y/N still in my arms.
“She’s been having bad sharp pains in her stomach for the past 2 or so weeks to the point where she’s screaming and crying. And tonight, I found her screaming and on the floor. She won’t let me touch her stomach because she says it hurts too much and it’s tender to the touch.” I pause as I set Y/N down on the bed in the room the doctors led us to. I held her hand and sat behind her, holding her against me. Cries and whimpers escape her as she snuggles into me. “And I’ve noticed her belly has been a bit swollen and I don’t know what any of this means.”
Just then, Y/N lets out another ear piercing scream just as the doctors were hooking her up to heart monitors and machines. One of the doctors put an IV into the inside of Y/N’s arm and the other came and placed a morphine shot to her stomach, telling me it will help with the pain. Y/N calmed down, cries and whimpers still audible as I stroked my fingers soothingly through her hair. My shirt was still balled up in her fist as she flinches every now and then in pain.
The doctors call in some nurses to help figure out what’s wrong with Y/N. They first give her a sedative so she’ll sleep through most of the pain. As Y/N falls asleep in my arms, I wipe away the tears stained on her cheeks.
Your POV
The beeping from the heart monitor runs through Harry’s ears as the doctor feels around your stomach. He, then, lifts your shirt and takes a monitor, placing it against your belly, guiding it around as he looks at a small screen beside him.
“What are you doing?” Harry asked, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.
“We might know what’s causing Y/N’s pains.” The doctor says, his eyes switching from your and Harry and back to the small screen.
“It’s very rare, but sometimes a woman can experience severe pains in the abdomen in the early weeks and stages of her pregnancy, along with a bit of a swell with pain.” The doctor explained to Harry. He was astonished to say the least.
“Wait, are you saying Y/N’s pregnant?” Harry tried to understand.
“Now, I believe so.” The doctor turned the screen towards Harry to show him a sonogram of a small baby which was in fact growing inside Harry’s wife.
Harry never knew, never even had that thought. But, now that he thought about it, his heart fluttered and a tear threatened to spill from his eye as he stared at the screen.
Harry’s head fell to look down at the most precious thing in his life, you. A small smile came to his lips, his thumb stroking your cheek, as he imagined starting a family with you. He’s always wanted a family with you, though wishing you didn’t have to go through all that pain to do so.
The doctor stood up, and just before he was about to walk out the door, “Wait, is she gonna be okay?” Harry asked about you.
“Yes, Y/N and the baby will both be just fine.” The doctor paused and the rest of the nurses and doctors made their way out. He started back towards the bed. “Y/N is about 4 weeks along, and for women who experience those pains, they should last only 2 weeks. The pains should be gone now, but we will prescribe Miss Grace with pregnancy safe medicine that will help with the pains if they ever do come back. But, she will be okay, along with your baby. Congratulations, Mr. Styles.” The doctor smiled to Harry as he walked out, leaving you and Harry alone to rest.
You stayed asleep for a little while longer as Harry held you in his arms. He set his hand on your belly, realization hitting him that he was going to be a dad in a matter of months. He was so happy, he couldn’t hold back a few tears. One accidentally fell onto your cheek as Harry wiped it away, and you started to stir.
Harry stroked his fingers through your hair as you nudge your nose into Harry’s stomach. He chuckled quietly as you felt around for Harry with your long sleeve covered hands.
“Harry?” You questioned as you looked up.
“Hey, Beautiful.” Harry smiled calmly at you. You began to sit up, you laying back beside Harry as he laid beside you. You lay your head against his chest.
“How’re you feeling, Baby Kitten?” Harry questioned you, holding your head against his chest as you wrap your arms around his torso. He places a kiss to the top of your head as he holds you.
“I’m not really sure. I little ill feeling, I guess, in my stomach. Still really tired, but fine otherwise.” You finished.
“Does this hurt?” Harry asked, placing the slightest pressure onto your belly. You sighed in relief at Harry’s gentle touch.
“No, not really. It’s not as bad as it was before. You’re free to touch it whenever you want now.” You giggle, looking up at Harry, and he joins in, happy to see your smile again. He leans down and presses his lips to yours, guiding your chin towards him.
He releases you and he brings your head back to his chest. You close your eyes, hoping to get more rest in Harry’s arms.
“Did they find out what’s wrong?” You question Harry, setting your hand on his chest.
You can hear the smile on Harry’s voice as he answers. “Well, all I can say is that little Baby Styles was conceived 4 weeks ago and is now living in that adorable belly of yours.” You looked up into Harry’s eyes in shock before he could even finish as he stared down at you, his hand on your belly.
“You’re kidding me?! I’m… we’re pregnant?!” You hesitate, and knowing the answer was yes as Harry smiled down at you with a sparkle of adoration in his eyes. Tears began streaming down your cheeks.
You sighed as you wrapped your arms around Harry’s neck, his carefully tightening around you, holding you close to him.
“But, what about all the sharp pains in my stomach?” You challenge, slightly pulling away from Harry as you stare into his eyes.
“Though rare, the doctor said some women experience some sharp pains during their first few weeks of pregnancy. Though not common, it wasn't not normal. But, you’re okay and so is Baby Styles.” Harry tells you as he places his hand on your belly again, caressing it with his thumb. Harry leans down again and kisses your forehead as you sigh in contentment.
Soon, around 5 a.m., the doctor came in to check on you and Harry was able to take you home. He guided you down the hall to the receptionist. She checked you out and gave Harry your prescribed meds.
Since he only had time to put a shirt on you, leaving you in only your underwear and barefoot, Harry had picked you up bridal style in his arms as you wrapped your arms around his neck, being carried to Harry’s Range Rover. He placed you gently inside, kissing your cheek and walking to the other side as you buckled up.
Pulling into your driveway, you got out, not worrying about walking barefoot on your driveway, Harry holds his hand out for you as you take it, helping you out of the car, leading you hand in hand to the house.
It was still dark outside, and you were still exhausted. “Hey, baby, how bout you go upstairs to bed and I’ll be up in a minute. I’m just gonna put your medicine away.” You nod in understanding as he pulls your head to him and places a kiss to your forehead before making your way upstairs.
You slip out of your shirt and slide into bed, closing your eyes as you wait for Harry. Not a minute later, you feel a warm hand on your belly, his thumb caressing your skin. You smile in satisfaction as Harry bent down, hovering over you, and placed a kiss to your 4 week pregnant belly. He fell into bed next to you after taking his shirt off, and pulled you against him, covering you in the duvet.
Harry kissed the back of your head and set his hand on your already growing belly as you moaned peacefully. Harry nudged the back of your head with his nose in response. You closed your eyes once again, falling asleep in Harry’s strong but gentle embrace.
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Stitches (Part Two)
Ya’ll, I wasn’t planning on posting this yet but when I actually checked, I realised that if I didn’t- Part Two was going to be over 12,000 words. So I had to split it again. So, you can look forward to a Part Three! I also, sort of, accidentally maybe, wrote a teeny tiny lil’ bit of plot.
Tagged: @kittygonyan @mrsreina (If you’d like to be tagged in Part Three, give me a shout!)
Pairing: Villain!AllMight x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Blood, Swearing, Threats of Non-Con (Not made by our boy All Might and not said explicitly though).
Word Count: 6800+
Summary: A phone call makes you question just how the biggest bad in Japan feels about you. You discover just how All Might was injured and things get just a lil’ bit steamy.
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He was gone for over half an hour and you’d spent that time preparing the dressings you’d need for him. The wound was in a semi awkward place- just below the dip of his collarbone, so you’d had to dig out the gauze tape.
All the while, you attempted to calm the rapid, dizzying beat of your heart.
Those damn breathing exercises that Ivy had taught you were doing jack shit, especially with the feeling of his hands still imprinted firmly on your hips.
Were you really going to do this tonight?
It wasn’t as though you hadn’t danced around him for months now, the unyielding pull of his orbit spinning you closer and closer until the inevitable collision. But as you stood on the precipice, feet towing the line and looking into the abyss… there was still some trepidation.
Was he just doing this to prove that he could get into your pants?
Where the hell would it even go? He was, at his core, a villain and nothing you could do or say would ever change his nature.
Not that you would want to. You weren’t here to ‘fix’ him in any other way but physically.
Yet, despite all of the reservations that swam in your head, you couldn’t deny the chemistry that had always bubbled between you. Especially in those moments that you forgot just who he was and he was just idling around your apartment with you. Those moments made you just as hot as when you saw him pummelling some wannabe hero on TV.
Making him coffee while he fixed your kitchen sink. Actually… finding out that he could fix a kitchen sink had been jarring enough. Bickering over which movie to watch, when you knew he was going to win like he always did- but arguing with him for the fun of it anyway.
That day you’d found out that he did a fucking wicked impression of Endeavor and you’d howled with laughter- then caught him looking immensely proud of himself afterwards.
Even now, the memory of it made your lips quirk in a stupid smile.
Seeing that side of him made it so easy to separate him from the man the rest of the world saw. They weren’t privy to all the things that made him unique. Would it really be so wrong of you to give in?
The filthy promise he’d made still rang in your ears.
Slow, hard and all night long. Your thighs clenched in anticipation.
Your phone buzzed cheerily on the side table and the coffee you’d made for yourself in his absence sloshed against the side of the mug when you jumped.
An unknown number usually meant one of two things. Either All Might was calling you to ask how to perform some horrible mutilation on a person without them losing too much blood- or Ivy was calling for a chat.
Since the former was currently using up all of your hot water- seriously, thirty five minutes now- you correctly guessed that it was the latter. You answered, immediately perking up at the sound of her voice.
“Babes, is that beefy idiot of yours there? His little henchmen have been tearing apart half of the city trying to find him,” she said, not even bothering with hello. You tutted. Of course he’d just up and vanished without giving anyone a hint that he was okay.
“Hi Ivy,” you said pointedly and you could almost hear her roll her eyes at your insistence of politeness. “Yeah, he’s here.”
She grumbled.
“Ugh, will you please tell him to call off his goons before I have to kill any more of them for disrespecting me,” she said, like murdering henchmen was all too taxing for her. You knew differently. She was probably enjoying the change of pace. You half smiled, shaking your head.
What exactly was your life? Passing messages between villains like some kind of sentient answering machine.
“Hold on. He’s in the shower,” you said, escaping the soft light of the living room and heading in the direction of the still -goddamn it- running water. His clothes were piled where you’d told him to leave them and you were oddly touched to find that he’d arranged them in a way that the bloodied parts weren’t on your carpet.
He could be considerate when he wanted to be.
Biting your lip, you eventually worked up the courage and knocked on the door. You knew that he was grinning from ear to ear, probably expecting you to barge in and simply toss your panties over your shoulder while you were at it.
Hmm. There was plenty of time for that later.
“Did you miss me already, sweet thing? Am I that irresistible?” he said, his tone all deep and buttery and the image of him stark naked and soaking wet stole your voice for a moment. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was taking so long because he was- taking care of himself.
Your stomach whirled pleasantly at the thought of him stroking a hand along his thick-
“Hey! Don’t forget to tell him that they have like, zero manners. I’m appalled at how rude they all are. This is no way to treat a lady!”
Ivy’s irritated voice turned away from the phone for a moment. A crunch and a half-halted scream told you that she was more than handling herself against All Might’s minions.
You licked your bottom lip, squeezing your eyes shut and trying not to picture him behind the damn door again. Otherwise you’d never get out the words you needed to say. You’d get your chance to join him later, when your dumb obligation as his doctor wasn’t coming first.
“Um, Ivy says your little minions are out of control again. You might want to deal with that, big guy,” you informed him and you heard him swear loudly, a colourful mix of words that would have made a sailor blush.
The water, at long last, shut off.
You hadn’t really considered what would come next, despite the fact that he’d clearly left his pants- and by extension- phone right next to where you were standing.
The door opened and you suddenly had a face full of muscular, soaking wet chest. You barely even noticed his smug expression, too busy trailing your eyes down and focusing with laser like precision on the trail of blond hair that started at his bellybutton and vanished underneath his towel.
All Might had a fucking happy trail. How had you not noticed it earlier?
Oh yeah. All the blood.
You had died. You were dead and buried and this was Heaven and of course your version of Heaven would have a soaking wet, naked super villain in it.
Every brain function ceased and all you could register was the heat of the steam billowing out from behind him and the aching urge you now felt to catch the lone water droplet that was rolling down along his abdomen with your tongue.
It dipped into his bellybutton then out again, before soaking into the towel that he’d slung low around his hips.
“You know, as much as I’m enjoying your reaction sweetheart,” he rumbled, openly amused by your gaping, idiotic staring. “I do need my phone before I lose any more men to the sewer rat.”
“I fucking heard that, you jackass!” Ivy screeched and you were brought back to reality, aware that your face was now glowing red.
He leaned down past you and fished his phone from his pants pocket and you could feel the sweet, water warmed heat of his skin as he passed so close to you. You resisted the urge you suddenly felt to throw your legs over your head.
You didn’t even know if your legs could do that and Ivy might not appreciate having to wait any longer for a reprieve.
When he straightened up, he grinned at you and it was… different than his usual cocky smiles. This one was toothy and almost soft and his free hand came up to your chin, gripping it much like he had earlier. Except this time, it wasn’t to threaten you.
It was to bring your lips to his in a nipping, hard kiss that took the air out of your lungs.
Hnnng.
“Soon kitten,” he murmured, biting your bottom lip once more playfully. “Don’t forget, this was your bright idea.”
He winked at you before retreating back into the bathroom. You remained standing on the other side of the door for a long moment, cursing yourself for being so worried about him when you could be splayed out underneath him right now- morals be damned.
You only remembered that Ivy was still on the line when you heard her voice asking if everything was okay.
Fuck, it was more than okay. Not long from now, you were going to have that between your legs. More than ever you wished you hadn’t skipped all those yoga classes because this was going to be... challenging.
Said legs carried you shakily back down the hall and away from the temptation to break the door down while you waved your bra over your head.
Sexy.
“He’s um- he’s calling someone now,” you cleared your throat, choosing not to sit on your bloodied couch and instead canting your hip against your dining table. “Sorry Ives. If I’d have known he was AWOL I’d have made him call sooner. I know what those idiots are like…”
His henchmen were notorious for running riot without him there to rein them in. He was, surprisingly, like seventy three percent of their impulse control. It was a shame he lacked any himself.
“You know, I’m not even surprised any more,” she tutted. “He could have at least let one of his lackey’s know before he went and squared up against- wait-” Her voice paused just as she reached the bloody good bit and you fought the urge to interrupt. “Maybe he’s been too busy to phone anyone… Wanna tell me what you’ve been up to?”
Ivy knew what had gone down tonight by the sound of it. But she was also distracted and you knew you would get nowhere without indulging her curiosity first.
“Oh yeah, he’s been super busy getting a big ass gash on his shoulder stitched up. Not much time for phone calls,” you hedged slyly. Ivy didn’t need to know he’d also been busy with his mouth on your neck while you attempted not to moan like a a porn star. Definitely a detail that could be left out.
“Not going to lie sweets, I was convinced you were going to say getting a blowjob.”
“Fucking hell, Ivy.”
“What!? There’s nothing wrong with getting busy after a life threatening situation. I’m amazed that you both have so much restraint,” she said and despite your irritation over these villains all up in your personal life, you couldn’t find it in yourself to disagree with her out loud. “You said he was all sliced up? Did he tell you how he got it?”
Interest?
Piqued.
“No! He’s being really secretive about it,” you said hurriedly as though Ivy would hang up on you at any second. She wouldn’t but you were far too eager to hear this story and your brain refused to function normally. “Do you know?”
“I’m not technically supposed to, but well… henchmen talk darling, especially under the threat of pain…”
“Ivy spill,” you said, dragging the word out into a whine. Ivy loved to tell a tale but you were impatient now. You wanted to hear what had happened before he came out of the shower. Not just because you didn’t want him to catch you snooping in his business but also because there was the promise of fantastic sex to come too.
“Oh sweets, do I have a story for you,” Ivy squealed gleefully. Your heart beat hard in your chest in anticipation and you hoped that she wouldn’t drag it out too much. “I hope you’re sitting down for this because it’s just, mwah-” she made a kissing noise and you snorted.
“Ivy, come on. While I’m still young.”
“Tut tut, there’s no rushing a good thing. Or do you like it fast?” she teased, flirtatiously.
You rolled your eyes and tutted into the phone, not in the mood to be teased. At least… not by Ivy.
You checked over your shoulder- in case All Might had snuck up on you or was lurking in the doorway. He had a habit of doing that, just to make you jump. But he was nowhere to be seen, probably still on the phone, berating one of his second in command for their bad behaviour.
You hoped it was Shigaraki getting a talking to. That guy gave you nothing but bad vibes.
“So, I take it you remember last week, when you and I dished about that weirdo you treated? You know Hinata Cash?” she said his name almost cautiously as if worried that being too quick would bring back the memories before you would be able to handle them.
You made a strangled noise that could have been agreement as your brief but memorable encounter with Hinata Cash came rushing back from the deep, dark part of your memories that you’d shoved it into.
A chill raced along your spine.
“Are you okay, sweets?” Ivy asked cautiously.
“M’fine,” you said, clearing your throat. You wouldn’t let the mere mention of the creep make you uncomfortable. Ivy still paused until you reaffirmed that you were okay with talking about him though. “What about him? Is he still being a disturbing son of a bitch?”
Your bravado was all show. You both knew it, but Ivy continued like she bought into your act.
“Well, it turns out he was quite the talking point in some circles... Not enough to play with the big boys like your honey bun,” she said, probably giving the phone a shit eating grin. You didn’t even berate her for it and the teasing tone she’d aimed for fell away awkwardly. “But he was doing enough to get himself noticed. He’d started coming in to the Golden Cat on weekends. A few of the girls there told me about him…”
“All good things, I bet,” you said, rubbing your arm nervously. There was really no reason to feel nervous, not with your door locked and All Might in your bathroom, but that didn’t stop tendrils of unease winding around your neck.
“He started going by Scissorhands- Ugh, it was tacky if you ask me,” she sniffed primly. Never let anyone tell you that Ivy wasn’t a class act, you thought fondly. Still, the name made your insides twist uncomfortably. From what you’d seen on the snippets of news reports that day- he’d certainly lived up to his chosen name.
You had never been truly frightened in all the years that you’d been treating criminals. Even during that first meeting with All Might, you had never felt like you were in any immediate danger- so long as you kept your mouth shut and remained respectful.
But Cash…
He was the type to cut your throat because he didn’t like the colour of your curtains or some shit.
His entire visit had deeply unsettled you and set you on edge for days afterwards. Even now, despite the fact that he hadn’t delivered on his ‘promise’, you couldn’t really settle.
Every movement he’d made that day, every little twitch of his hands had caused your body to recoil and had it not been for the tight hold you had over your Quirk, you might have done more harm than good.
Thankfully, it had been a straight forward procedure but from the way your body trembled, you’d have thought it was your very first time all over again. He’d picked up on your nerves from the moment he’d sat down, leering whenever you flinched.
Glass and debris had become embedded directly under his left eye from the bank robbery he’d partaken in, just hours before. It had been on the Channel Five news, which was partly why you were so on edge. His fingers had still been bloody from the security guard he’d literally torn apart.
Heavy set, with wide shoulders and contrasting sharp features, you knew that had he made a move that day, you wouldn’t have had a chance to fight him off.
The shaking of your hands had thankfully been negated by your Quirk.
Precision wasn’t the most amazing Quirk in the world but it was particularly useful in your line of work. Being able to hit your target despite the shaking of your hands had saved you precious time.
Quick, yet terrified, you’d cleaned up his face and as politely as you could, tried to see him out. But his hand had clamped down on your thigh, too high for comfort and your whole body froze- your eyes staring unseeingly past him.
You couldn’t breathe in anything more than quick, frightened gasps. He seemed to revel in them.
You felt like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf, seconds before the deadly bite.
He’d leaned in close, his breath repulsive and sour and you’d thought of a million ways to escape in those few seconds- none of them even remotely useful.
“I really appreciate this, Doc. It’s hard to find a woman with steady hands like yours...”
He had lifted one of them, examining it.
“Wonderful quirk. So useful... I can see why All Might likes you so much. I think I quite like you too.”
You had prepared for the worst. Mentally written your last will and testament and prayed to God that when he was finished with you he would just leave Marco be- the thought of him harming your cat suddenly far more prevalent in your mind than what was going to happen to you.
Strangely though, he’d simply gotten up from the chair, stroked your cheek as you sat there like a statue and then let himself out. Not before throwing his parting remark over his shoulder, though. The one that had been haunting you all week.
“I’ll see you again real soon, honey.”
Naturally, you hadn’t gone after him for the payment he’d skimped out on.
Hell to the no. Instead, you’d locked your front door, hyperventilated for a good fifteen minutes on your living room floor and then much to your embarrassment… you’d called All Might.
For the first time ever.
You had passed the call off as some dumb suggestion that he come over for pizza and a movie, like you were best friends and not potential-fuck-buddies. You hadn’t even had the strength to hide the tremble in your voice, nor the will to throw in any bravado. It had been a brutally honest call- one that you had never wanted to make.
It was like letting him see the real you. Removing that final barrier between you that might hold you back from feeling anything real. That conversation had changed something, you thought. Something deep.
“H-Hey! I know I never call like this but... I-I… Could you come over?”
Your voice had been small and shaky, with you on the verge of tears- even though you would rather die than let them fall over someone so vile.
There had been a pause on the other end, mid-way through whatever sarcastic thing he’d been about to berate you with.
“Please?”
You had added that without even thinking about it, voice catching and the grip of Cash’s hand still burning on your thigh. You had thought, in that silence, that he was going to brush you off. Either that or demand to know what was wrong. Thankfully, he did neither.
“Ten minutes.”
The longest ten minutes of your life. He had found you pacing a hole in the floor of your living room and petting the ever-loving bejesus out of Marco- stressed to the max. You’d locked eyes with him and he hadn’t even had to ask if you were glad to see him. Your face said it all.
He hadn’t asked what had happened and you hadn’t told him… but he’d stayed anyway. A real villain, that one.
“Sounds about right to me,” you scoffed, tone disgusted at the thought of that… that man. “Ives, I don’t scare easily, you know that... but I know full well what he wanted and it wasn’t a back rub. What does this have to do with why All Might turned up injured?”
You felt unsettled at having him brought up out of the blue. You’d been quite happy to forget all about him and the way that his gaze had made your skin crawl.
“Everything. The word should be getting out any minute now, about our dear departed Tim Burton knockoff.”
You paused, startled and unsure if you’d heard her right.
“Departed?”
“Oh, he’s very, very dead darling,” Ivy said lightly, as if she was just telling you the weather for the day.
The relief that washed over you was momentous and almost made your knees give way, causing you to grip the table for support. He was dead. You were free of the lurking shadow of fear that plagued your days and nights. The one that robbed you of decent sleep because you were jumping at every little noise in your apartment.
“Is it bad that I just wanna say ‘Oh thank God’?” you replied, breath knocked from you. Ivy laughed. She sounded just as pleased as you felt.
“You won’t be the only one, I’m sure. He must have put up a halfway decent fight, if it took you that long to stitch up a little old cut,” she said, pointedly as though waiting for you to work things out. She was probably disappointed that she didn’t get to see your reaction when you did.
Oh. Holy shit.
“All Might killed him!?” you squeaked, then lowered your voice drastically in case he heard you. “Are you fucking with me right now, Ivy? Because that’s not cool.”
You didn’t really know how to feel about it, if it was true. You were more than relieved that the looming shadow of Cash was gone forever but regretful that somehow, All Might had found out what you’d tried to keep from him and had gotten himself hurt in the process of doing something about it.
“It’s true,” she said, confirming it. “You and I both know I hate giving that overrated blowhard any credit… but something had to be done about him. Cash had it coming, either way. There are plenty of girls at the Golden Cat who’ll be glad to see him gone.”
You swallowed hard. Your silence was more you being concerned over All Might’s well being than over the fact that he had killed a man tonight. He’d killed plenty of people in the time you’d known him.
That wasn’t about to destroy the image of him that you had.
It was more the deep seated worry that always gripped you when he was involved in something dangerous. Usually, you could worry yourself sick over the news broadcast and at least then, if anything happened, you would know.
But tonight, he’d gone out there and gone one on one with a man who could rip people apart from the inside out- and you hadn’t even known. What if he’d never come back? What if he’d died because of you and word would get back to you, weeks down the line that you would never see him again?
Something horrid lodged in your stomach.
“Won’t he get heat from other villains?” you asked to distract yourself, rubbing the top of Marco’s head as he trotted past- blissfully unaware of your minor breakdown. “Isn’t there some… I dunno… Code of conduct or something? Honour among thieves?”
Ivy snorted, obviously amused at your blatant lack of knowledge. You would think that someone as deep into the criminal underworld as you were would at least know a little about how things operated. But no.
You chose to remain blissfully ignorant.
“Hmm, well here’s the thing. The King makes the rules and All Might, well… as much as I’m loathe to admit it, he wears the crown babes. Who the Hell is going to argue with him?” she asked and you bit your lip, the fear of retaliation lessening.
It was no secret that he was both feared and respected- enough to keep even the toughest of the tough under his thumb. There wasn’t a Hero or Villain in the world who could realistically take him on, one on one, and win.
That thought relaxed you and the horrid sensation lessened. It didn’t leave entirely, but it receded enough that you could breathe again.
“Anyway, to cut a long story short… Cash wasn’t exactly secretive about what he liked to do to girls. He was always running his mouth and tonight, he came in absolutely singing about some pretty little Doctor that he’d fallen head over heels for…” Ivy said sourly, obviously not enjoying this part of the story.
You enjoyed it even less. It didn’t take a genius to work out just who that Doctor was. Your hope that he’d just been trying to scare you when he threatened to see you again had been futile, apparently and you were suddenly so glad that you’d asked All Might to stay that night.
“ You’re pretty well known yourself around here, sweets. Did you know that?”
You hadn’t known, no, but you kept quiet.
“It didn’t take long for a few of the regulars to work out just who Cash was talking about. Word got around like wildfire and eventually got to old Shigaraki himself. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine tonight, it took five and a half minutes from Shigaraki calling his boss, until All Might was storming the Golden Cat.”
Damn, there had been you, badmouthing Shigaraki not ten minutes ago in your head. If it hadn’t been for him telling All Might, who knows what would be happening to you right now?
You made a mental note to be extra nice to him the next time you saw him.
The thought that Cash had been interested in you made you shudder, sickened at the thought of him even thinking about you like that. Your body felt grimy and you resisted the urge to run to the bathroom and scrub yourself clean.
All Might was officially your fucking hero and he could pry that word from your cold, dead hands.
Sure, he would be horrified at the implication but that didn’t make it any less true. Maybe that’s why he’d brushed off your questioning earlier, being difficult when you wanted to know how he’d been injured.
You caught yourself grinning stupidly, attempting to hide it by biting your lip. You realised that there was no point. Ivy couldn’t see you anyway.
“So, I think the message is officially loud and clear. No-one fucks with the good Doctor,” she laughed, all angelic and sweet and you beamed down the phone, laughing along with her. You felt a heady sort of rush as the realisation that you were safe again sunk in. That the villains you had helped and minded and treated like people over the years had heard that you were in danger and had come to the rescue in their own way.
The realisation that… that he cared. Deep down, past his angry and irritable nature, he really cared.
“Ivy, I-”
Without warning, two large, muscular arms wrapped around your waist from behind and you might have jumped had All Might not buried his face into your neck and rumbled a low, lazy growl, like a bear waking up from hibernation. He nuzzled you with a deliberate slowness, lips pressing warm against your throat.
“You still talking to the sewer rat?” he murmured, sounding annoyed because he knew you wouldn’t hang up on her just because he said so- and so he would have to wait as patiently as he could until you were done.
On the other hand, it was an opportunity to rile Ivy up as much as possible.
“It’s Vagabond, you overgrown man child,” she hissed down the line, all previous goodwill towards him gone from her voice.
All Might ignored her, choosing instead to tug you back until you were plastered against his chest and he could lay his kisses along your shoulder- even though he still had to stoop down to reach. How did he even get so tall? Your breath caught in your throat, longing and gratitude fighting for the number one spot.
He wasn’t going to stay patient for much longer and neither were you.
“Listen, I gotta go, Ives. Love you, babes,” you said quickly and she cackled manically, well aware of where you were rushing off to in such a hurry. This was only proving her right. She would be insufferable for weeks now.
“Love you too, sweets! Try not to break anything. Like the building.”
You hung up to the sound of her laughter and turned in All Might’s arms, surprising him when you pulled him down for a kiss. You were long past the point of worrying about morals and right and wrong. There couldn’t be anything wrong in wanting him like you did. In knowing that he protected you and cared about you in his own way- no matter if he never said it out loud.
He broke away, smirking.
“Someone’s eager,” he ground out, hands sweeping up along your sides. His thumb brushed the underside of your breast and you pulled in a shaky, uneven breath. “I bet you’ll be fucking soaking…”
Well, he wasn’t wrong. Those intense eyes trailed over your face, lingering on your lips until he locked his gaze with yours.
“Thank you,” you blurted out, without meaning to.
One of his eyebrows quirked, amused.
“You’re thanking me for making you wet? That’s a new one on me sweetheart but sure. I’ll take the credit where it’s due,” he laughed cockily, one hand on the back of your head as he dove forward again and kissed you roughly. This one was all teeth and tongue and your knees shook, suddenly feeling thankful that he was holding you up.
You moaned softly, powerless but confident under his touch.
There was no pushing him back, no sliding your tongue into his mouth because the man was a force of nature and practically every inch of him was pure muscle. So you were content to let him take what he wanted from you, for now. Later you would find a way to turn the tables- to make him the quivering pathetic mess.
Right now, all you wanted was to find out all of the ways he kissed.
The angry ones, the lust filled ones, the sweet ones. The good morning kisses and the I’m happy to see you kisses and all the fucking kisses in between. You were off to a great start. You sighed, tangling your fingers in his hair and stroking your thumb in a circle on his scalp.
He melted under your touch and deep down you revelled in the fact that he was just as affected by you as you were by him.
“I um,” you stuttered, swallowing hard when you reluctantly pulled away from him. He looked as though he wanted to follow your mouth but for a change he let you speak. “I didn’t mean thank you for- for that.”
“For what?” he asked knowing full well what you meant, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip.
“For…” Your face heated quickly, without you even realising it.
Without warning, a hand was shoved between your already shaky legs and he pressed upwards, cupping your pussy and dragging a half halting, surprised moan out of your throat. He almost took you off your feet and your fingers wrapped over his biceps to steady yourself.
“For. What?” All Might asked again, applying pressure in all the places you needed pressure applied. Oh you were well and truly fucked and he hadn’t even gotten you naked yet.
“Cause if you’re blushing now, kitten, then I can’t wait to see what you’ll be like when we really get going,” he continued, nuzzling along your cheek and rubbing his palm over your aching pussy. “M’not a mind reader. You have to tell me what you want. Where you want me. How hard you want me to pound into you. I wanna hear you sobbing my name like it’s the last fucking thing you’ll ever say tonight. Think you can do that for me? Hmm?”
You were gripping his arms for dear life, trying to focus on the steady heaving of your lungs. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Yeah, yeah, I can do it,” you promised, almost without hearing the words come out of your mouth. “I promise.”
“Good girl,” he purred encouragingly and you just about lost your shit for a few seconds, along with any sense you might have had left as the praising words repeated on a loop in your head. “Now, I’ll ask again. What weren’t you thanking me for?”
He was grinning wickedly against your cheek, eyes boring into yours.
“For making me wet,” you responded finally, when your tongue no longer felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and you remembered how to speak actual words and not just garbled syllables.
He groaned- actually groaned like you were the one touching him, instead of the other way around and it sent a shivering wave of heat spreading out at the base of your spine. Your clit throbbed mercilessly under the heat of his palm.
“Christ kitten,” he said, voice hoarse. He didn’t pull his hand away like you thought he would though. You were still sensitive from your little dry humping session earlier and the pressure he was applying was agonising torture for so many reasons.
You both knew he would pull away though if you even tried to set the pace. He’d made it perfectly clear that he was in charge.
“Now, what were you thanking me for? You’ve got me all curious.”
You felt dizzy and the words didn’t exactly come easily. The heat radiating off of his bare chest was intoxicating and so was the sight of all those well defined, rippling muscles so easily within reach. You indulged yourself, seeing as you hadn’t been able to earlier. You lightly trailed the pads of your fingers over his pectoral muscle and down at a steady pace, over the hardness of his abs and then to the tempting, glorious V shape that led under-
Your smile came unbidden to you and he noticed, knowing immediately what you were grinning like an idiot about. He was wearing the pajama pants you’d gotten him.
They were simple, nondescript pants like any guy would wear but… you’d gotten them in his favourite colour and he’d actually put them on.
You’d expected him to either stay in his towel or well, just get the clothes out of the way entirely.
“Yeah, yeah,” he snorted, releasing you when he realised that he’d gotten your attention in an entirely different way. The loss of sensation between your legs was more than worth it to see him standing there, a little awkwardly, with his arms crossed. “Don’t be a jackass about it, for fuck sake. I just didn’t want to have my dick out when I was eating dinner.”
“Like that would bother you,” you beamed and he grunted something petulant that you didn’t hear.
“You gonna tell me what you’re thanking me for, or what?” he said after a moment, ignoring the obvious erection that was tenting the front of said pants. You found it very, very hard to ignore but dragged your eyes up to his face after a moment anyway. His self assured smirk was expected.
He knew how attractive he was and what it was doing to you. Damn him.
“Cash,” you managed to say after a moment and it clearly didn’t answer his question. He looked at you like you were an idiot.
“You… want cash? Here was me thinking you weren’t a whore,” he cackled, pleased at his own cleverness. You were less amused, punching him lightly in the arm. The shaking of his shoulders didn’t stop but at least he was no longer laughing out loud.
You were trying to spill your heart to the big jerk and he couldn’t stop mocking you for more than five seconds.
“Come on! Stop being a dick,” you scowled, arousal now tainted with annoyance. He rolled his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his slicked back hair, his laughter dying after a moment.
“Alright, alright! Explain yourself, woman,” he swept his hands out, metaphorically giving you the floor.
“Hinata Cash,” you elaborated, expecting the penny to drop. But when he continued to look lost, it slowly dawned on you that he’d never even bothered to learn the guys name. All he’d known was that he was going to do something to hurt you and… that had been enough for him to go on. Your heart thrummed in your chest. “Um, Scissorhands?”
Much like they had earlier, his eyes darkened, flashing a sudden warning that it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. Unlike earlier though, you ignored it. Answers to your question were just out of reach.
“Why are you bringing up that motherfucker?” he asked gruffly, then swept past you almost dismissively before you could answer. He disappeared into your kitchen, his back to you. Not the reaction you had been expecting. The heated air had vanished- as had the playfulness he’d exuded moments before. “Way to kill a mood, doll.”
You suddenly regretted opening your mouth. He hadn’t told you- and if he hadn’t told you, there had been a reason for it.
“Shit,” you hissed softly to yourself, listening to him stomping around the kitchen behind you.
You turned and followed him, pathetically useless against the part of you that longed to be near him. Besides, there was no taking it back now and you were burning up with curiosity.
Why had he killed Cash? Why had he even bothered himself at all?
Most of all, you wanted- no needed to know.
Had he done it for you?
-------------------------
(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three)
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WC design/headcannon/ect masterlist- Part A
just a list of ALL my designs for headcanons, maybe some design updates, any other comments or AU ideas i have. on main characters and characters with no plot!
These are all the cats who name starts with ‘A’, posting these in alphabetical order to not overload just one list lol
all under the cut >:3
Acorn Fur
my Acorn Fur design changed slightly as she used to be more red saturated and i wanted her to not so much like my Red Claw Design
My biggest Headcanon for her is she absolutely didn’t listen to Moth Flight and ended up giving birth to two kit’s with Red claw as the father. they names are Rain Stone and Oak Stump
Acornpaw
Acornpaw, ancient skyclan warrior
i like the idea of Acornpaw is a decedent of Acorn Fur and one of the last generations of her family that would remember her name
A warrior name i think would be nice for him is Acorndrop
Acorntail
Acorntail, ancient windclan deputy.
i can imagine he was named the way he was being smallest in his litter, losing his tail to a rabbit trap when he’s older
acorntail stick with being deputy for awhile but i can see either he even after training an apprentice can’t keep up with the duties and once again insist that Morningcloud is made deputy. oR acorntail becoming leader as Acornstar and morningcloud or her apprentice Quickpaw being made his deputy
Adderkit
Adderkit, starclan kit who used to live in windclan and died by adder bite, named for it and was avanged by tallstar
I imagine Adderkit was originally named Burrowkit born to Ashfoot and Deadfoot in their first litter with Eaglekit. Adderkit died on Windclans Journey to find a home after shadowclan chased them out.
Adderkit was very young when they died i picture their memory of their living life being EXTREMELY blurry, they know their windclan and they died by an adder. its why they renamed themself, and they barely remember who their mom and dad were.
Adderpaw
Adderpaw, ancient windclan apprentice who was around to the apprentice age limit code
Adderpaw was name for what a good few other ‘adder’ and snake named kits are named for, their tail wiggling around with its patterns look like that of a skinny snake.
Adderpaw Warrior name ideas, Addergrace or Addersnag
Algernon
not much to say beyond i think my design for him looks very funny lol
but my design for him is that he is leucistic
Applefrost
Applefrost, kid of appledusk and reedshine
Named after her piece of shit dad, and raised on one sided stories of him she loved her dad and wanted to be like him as she got older.
She was the first victim of Mapleshade’s hauntings, picking her because she was named after the man who hurt her family and she looks a bit like him.
(applefrost isn’t normally greying on the bottom naturally, this is a side effect on spending so many years training one on one with mapleshade in the dark forest. My crookedstar design also has this) Applefrost knows the name mapleshade and was skeptic to talk to her at first, but opened up and tries to just take what advice she can get from the spirit. Even coming to sympathies with her through learning the truth of her father.
Then one day Mapleshade stopped visiting her, thought Applefrost would never know what happened, there is a reason.
Applefrost was full grown, and so kind even in the face of the warrior who killed her father. And she looked so much like him, yes he ruined her life but maybe this was the price she payed for what she did, to forever feel pain over the lose of someone who didn’t love her.
It was part that, and part..something about the way she looked at mapleshade, and something she said sent her memories flying back to her little petalkit who looked so much like her.
Mapleshade would stop visiting applefrost and move on to another generation of their family.
Applefrost would never tell her siblngs of mapleshade, but would come to disown her own father in starclan. even being friends with petalkit.
Applepaw
daughter of breezepelt and heathertail
mostly in here because i needed to up date her design
she hasn’t received her warrior name yet but should be close in the books
but a name like Applebite or Appleleaf
Ashfoot
Ashfoot, windclan warrior, deputy and mother of crowfeather
i absOLUTLY love ashfoot
i picture her to be a very like ‘badass warrior mom’ she give tough love and you can’t help but totally admire her. She loves her son crowfeather, though if she is honest he tends to disappoint her with how he kinda doesn’t know how to behave
she gets followed around by herds of kits who want to be like her, and her past apprentice’s (which she has many of) call her sheriff (or mom, which is embarrassing but common and crow HATES it)
Her and Deadfoot are VERY lovey dovey, she loves her sweet husband dearly and was distraught when he died. They were best friends growing up as apprentices together and were both name ‘foot’ in sign they always walked paw and paw, being well synced in battle and in life, they were just perfect for each other. so its easy to imagine when Deadfoot died it was like she lost half of herself
Ashfoot has a very long tail, just oh so slightly shorter than talltail, her family is known for their long tail (a trait passed down through being descended of windstar) Long tails are often called a symbol of power or royality in windclan. its very diserable and only tallstar’s tail was longer than hers. Her son crowfeather, and grandson jayfeather both take after thing ten fold with tails you could trip 10 cats with. breezepelt has a longer tail than average but no were near as long as theirs and it dOES kinda make him mad.
Ashfoot also loVES nightcloud, at first when crowfeather told his mom that nightcloud was having his kit’s she was super skeptical, not of nightcloud but of their relationship. she just saw right through it for what it really was. so she mostly didn’t talk to nightcloud for the two month’s she was pregnant, as to avoid getting involved.
but when Nightcloud gives birth and all of her kits but breezepelt die and she is DISTRAUGHT. Crowfeather isn’t helping and doesn’t seem to find any words that comfort her or not make her more upset, so like a big ol man child he turns to his mom and begs her to calm down nightcloud.
and its this moment that Ashfoot find’s herself completely bonded to Nightclouds side, looking at the dark she-cat crying over her lost kittens with her single son mewling for her. Ashfoot herself has had two litters both that only had one survivor, Eaglekit’s litter (eaglekit only made it to paw before he died) and now all she has is crowfeather. Ashfoot stay’s by the queens side and comforts her new daughter in law.
Ashfoot and Nightcloud are close, even when her and crowfeather ultimately don’t work out.
Ashfur
dont have much for him i guess
i hate him lol
i like him more than most other boy cats that i hate lol
he’s just a lil piss baby
iv updated his design a good bit, i thought his old design was really bleh but i havent been able to touch it up till now
i defiantly think him and brambleclaw shoulda been gay
i dont like him with squirrel, BUT if they’de been closer in age i think he and squirrel before ashfur became a fuckin crazy person they would have been better togeather than her and bramble that i don’t understand why she went back to bramble even if she didn’t get with ashfur
alsO i think the only ‘au’ i can like get into is like
Dustpelt mysteriously disappeared, presumed dead by thunderclan and never to be known what happened. Except between him and Ferncloud. id loVe a narrative of Ashfur kills dustpelt after watching the full grown warrior and mentor reefer to Ferncloud as beautiful, finding the behavior absolutely repulsive. Maybe ashfur ends up killing a few other cats who are like this and Ferncloud knows he killed dustpelt but maybe not the others. and it all ends up coming spilling out in the fire, this moment of the three and squirrel learn what he did but now he knows what they did, so their at a stale mate. but ashfur is becoming loser and more erratic in his behavior and hollyleaf kills him before he does something dangerous.
#warrior cats#acorn fur#acornpaw#acorntail#adderkit#adderpaw#algernon#applefrost#applepaw#ashfoot#ashfur
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russetfur vs. the entirety of skyclan || ch. 3
read this on ao3 || read this on fanfiction.net
chapter one
chapter two
summary: After enduring months of Turtlekit and Kitekit’s abuse, Rootkit finally snaps and accidentally awakens his powers. This has the unfortunate side effect of reviving the ghost of an angry Shadowclan warrior who: 1) is personally offended by Skyclan’s existence, and 2) has magnanimously taken it upon herself to relieve the world of that burden. Or something
okay so its been a minute since i posted. a lot of things happened, i got a kitten, a job, a new fandom, and i speedran a full semester of calculus in like the past four weeks. im sorry about how late this is and i cant promise when the next one will be up but its half written already so uh hope springs eternal. anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk
also shoutout to @turquoise-tulip for reminding me that ive had this chapter in my drafts for half a year now this ones for you im sorry its so stupid
Chapter Three: In Which Rootkit Practices the Art of Blackmail
The morning after is quiet.
...is what Rootkit would like to say. Actually, he gets woken up by Tree at what his mom likes to call 'the butt-crack of dawn' to go talk to Leafstar, thereby ruining his chances of being a normal warrior forever.
When they get to the leader's den, Violetshine is already there. Rootkit discovers this by walking into her while his eyes are closed in the middle of a yawn.
"See, he's about to fall asleep on his paws," his mom points out, sounding pretty close to yawning herself. "It's too early for this. Morning, kid."
Rootkit mumbles something that's unintelligible even to himself and falls asleep on his mother's paws. A few minutes later, he's woken by gentle paws on his back.
"Hey, kid. Kiddo. You gotta get up."
Rootkit hums absently, still mostly asleep, before realizing abruptly where he is. Mouse dung! Suddenly, he's completely awake. He jerks his head up, almost colliding with Tree's jaw before he pulls out of the way. Rootkit, too busy panicking, doesn't notice. He just fell asleep in Leafstar's den! After she'd brought him over to talk specifically to him! After seeing this humiliating display of incompetence, she'll really never make him a warrior, and Kitekit and Turtlekit will-
"Rootkit." The single word cuts through the panic. Rootkit looks up to see Leafstar, looking very serious with only a hint of amusement seeping through. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes!" The answer bursts out of him before he really thinks it through. And, well, it's not entirely true, but it's not entirely untrue either. Either way, he's up for answering any questions, which is probably what she's asking.
Leafstar looks at him just long enough for him to start fidgeting before she begins. "I've already spoken to your parents, Rootkit, so I know most of the story. I just need to know your side. What happened yesterday with the ghost?"
Rootkit looks at his paws, then back to Leafstar's calming gaze. "It started when I was at the grave. I was just- just talking, and then Kitekit found me..."
He tells her the whole, stupid story. How he'd lost it at Kitekit and Turtlekit and turned around to find a ghost looming over him; how he'd asked Tree for help, only for her to disappear; how she'd attacked him and Tree, announced her intentions, and vanished. At last, the story runs dry and he falls silent to watch her expression change.
Leafstar hums thoughtfully. She turns to Tree. "Do you think she's likely to hurt someone?"
Tree shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "If she's serious, yes. Most ghosts can't touch the living. Those who can - like this one - usually died violently or thinking they were wronged. And angry ghosts tend to be... volatile."
"Ah." Leafstar considers this.
"If it comes to that, what'll you do?" Violetshine asks. "Will you be able to stop her?"
Rootkit watches Tree watch his mom, and something in his dad's eyes soften. He leans over to swipe a tongue over her ear. "You want to help her, don't you?" he says quietly. "Because she's Shadowclan?"
Violetshine flushes, but she doesn't back down. "Many of them weren't kind to me," she says, "But Shadowclan was still my home once. I can't just forget that."
Tree purrs and winds his tail with hers. "That's why I love you," he whispers.
Rootkit sticks his tongue out in disgust. Bleh. Grownups!
"To answer your question," Tree adds, "I don't know what I'll do. I suppose-" he pauses, eyes tight with worry. "I've never exorcised a ghost who didn't want to move on before. I don't know if I even can. This may be something of an experiment."
The grownups look at each other for a long moment. "I will do whatever it takes to keep my clan safe," Leafstar says. There's something like a warning in her voice that makes Rootkit shiver.
"What should I do?" he asks. All three adults look at him like they've forgotten he's there.
After a moment, Leafstar's face breaks into a smile. "Tell you what. You can help by keeping an eye out for this Russetfur and letting one of us know when she's nearby. But listen, Rootkit," and her voice goes stern. "You must stay away from her. Russetfur is dangerous, and she may hurt you to get what she wants. Do you understand me, Rootkit?"
Rootkit looks into Leafstar's amber eyes - warm and worried and burning with a fierce, protective fire - and knows what he has to do. "I understand, Leafstar," he says, and just like that, his mission clicks into place.
From somewhere else in the camp - probably the warriors' den - someone screams, followed by Russetfur's haunting cackles.
Rootkit ignores it.
As he double checks his supplies, Rootkit runs through a mental checklist. He's talked to the ghost - check. He's figured out what she wants - check. He's given her what she wants - well... no. Tree's three-step-plan hadn't exactly accounted for what happened if what the ghost wanted was unobtainable.
Well, it doesn't really matter now. This plan is sure to work.
"Are you sure this is gonna work," Needlekit says again.
"Yes, I am, Starclan above will you stop nagging me," Rootkit says.
His sister makes a disgruntled noise and hauls the next bramble into place with a particularly vicious tug. "I'm just concerned you have no idea what you're doing, is all."
"I know exactly what I'm doing."
Rootkit doesn't have any idea what he's doing.
"Hmm." Needlekit seems thoroughly unconvinced, but she gets on with the task anyway. The trailing brambles she's weaving into place will form a turtle-shell-shaped cage laced with warding herbs over the grave when they're done. The plan is more or less to summon Russetfur into a cage she can't phase through, leaving her unable to escape. In Rootkit's opinion, it's a pretty solid plan for someone who has no idea what he's doing. "Why're you so set on doing this, anyway? Didn't Leafstar tell you not to mess with Gingerpelt?"
"Russetfur," Rootkit corrects her automatically. "And, well, yes, but..." he hesitates. "It's just... you know. I was the one who set her free in the first place, and..."
"Yes?" Needlekit prompts him. She's given up on the brambles and moved to stuffing moss and bracken into the gaps.
Rootkit fidgets uncomfortably for a second before the truth bursts out of him. "And now Russetfur's running wild everywhere and it's all my fault, and what if Leafstar decides not to make me an apprentice? If I don't become an apprentice, I can't be a warrior! And if I can't be a warrior-" he cuts himself off. He can't repeat what Kitekit and Turtlekit had said; even saying the words aloud seems like tempting fate... and he can't burden Needlekit with that, anyway.
Needlekit looks at him, though, and her gaze goes soft. "And being a warrior is your dream," she says, and starts stuffing the gaps with renewed vigor. "Well, come on, then! If we can trap Scarletfuzz then Leafstar will have to make us both apprentices! I can't be an apprentice without you; then I'd have to share the den with just Kitekit and Turtlekit. Can you imagine?" She pulls a disgusted face that has Rootkit giggling despite himself.
"Alright, alright," he says. "While you're doing that..." He shoves aside the piles of bracken they'd collected and settles down on the dirt. In his stories, Tree had never really talked about summoning ghosts - his work had been more about getting them to leave - but Rootkit is pretty confident about his ability to summon her again if necessary. More importantly, one or two of his stories had been about things the average, non-ghost-seeing cat could do to ward off spirits.
Rootkit spreads out his supplies, most of which had been scavenged from the medicine cats through a combination of tag-teaming and white lies. The herbs really are going to help his mom, just not in the way Fidgetflake thinks.
Thistledown. Rosemary. Lavender. Thyme. All plants that either attract or repel spirits, according to Tree (from what Rootkit can remember, anyway). Plus a lot of spiderweb.
"Hey, are you sure that's right?" Needlekit asks, leaning over his shoulder. "I thought we were gonna get some sage. And why'd you pick up the thistle?"
Rootkit frowns. "Well, Fidgetflake was coming back too soon and I panicked, alright? If you've got a problem you can get some more yourself."
Needlekit snickers and prods the massive pile of spiderwebs. "No thanks. I think you could've gotten a little more spiderweb, Frecklewish might still have some left over... yeesh, alright, I'll leave off the sarcasm. You don't have to glare at me."
Rootkit rolls his eyes. The immaturity of some cats. "Maybe I went a little overboard, but we need it. Frecklewish can just send the 'paws out to find some more. Now help me apply it; we need to cover the entire cage so there's no chance of getting out."
It's the work of a few minutes to paste it over with cobwebs, and the work of a few more to weave in all the protecting herbs. With luck, they'll prevent her from just phasing through. By the time they're done, it's so dense that a living cat would find it impossible to escape; Rootkit can only hope that the same goes for a dead one.
"Alright, fire 'er up!" Needlekit commands.
Rootkit closes his eyes to focus, trying to recall the feeling of power rushing through his being. Once, Tree had told them of a time when he'd jumped onto a wire fence and been struck by something he'd called electricity- what lightning is made of, apparently. Rootkit imagines it feels something like that.
The power lying dormant in his veins leaps forth eagerly at his call. It swells like a crescendo of sound, rushing out through his paws into the ground.
Rootkit focuses on the grave with every fiber of his being and wills it to summon its spirit. "Russetfur!" he cries out.
For a moment, nothing happens.
Then, something shifts.
It's like a hole is briefly torn through space; instinctively, Rootkit reaches in, grabs something, and drags it through.
Beside him, Needlekit gasps. "What the heck was that?"
But her voice is wavy, distorted. Rootkit opens an eye and finds his world is tilted sideways. Needlekit makes a high pitched noise that scrapes its claws across the most inner parts of Rootkit's ears.
"M'fine," Rootkit mumbles. His words are slurred, he realizes distantly, because half his face is pressed into the dirt.
Needlekit jabs him. "This is no time for sleeping, Rootkit. Did it work?"
Rootkit blinks. For a moment, he has absolutely no idea what she's talking about; then, the memories start to flood back. He narrows his eyes, remembering the feeling of hooking a soul on his clawtips like a fish. "I think-"
He's interrupted by an infuriated caterwaul that drowns out whatever he was going to say.
"What is this?"
The cage shakes as its captive throws her entire weight against the wall, but it holds steady. The herbs have done their job; even a ghost can't pass through.
Needlekit laughs triumphantly. "It's bad kitty jail for bad kitties!"
Russetfur snarls back something absolutely obscene and proceeds to attack the inside of the cage with a ferocious determination. At least, Rootkit thinks she is; it's kind of hard to tell since they can't actually see her.
"Can she get out?" Rootkit wonders.
"No," Needlekit says at the same time Russetfur snaps, "You bet your kittypet hide I will."
Rootkit blinks.
"Literally," Russetfur adds. "Because I'll strip it off your back to line my nest."
"Oh." Rootkit drops his head back on the ground. The dirt here is very comfy, he realizes. Maybe he should just sleep here from now on. "Yeah. That was kind of unclear."
"It'll become very clear in a few minutes, runt. I'll even give you a demonstration."
Needlekit leans against the cage with a smirk that probably would have been infuriating, if Russetfur could actually see it. "Don't worry, Redpelt, you're clear as crystal."
Rootkit freezes. Even the scraping sounds coming from inside the cage cut off. "What was that," Russetfur says suspiciously. "Did you just-"
"Keep your spirits up," Needlekit says. "I'm sure you'll be back to your old haunting grounds in no time."
Rootkit tries to slam his head into the ground and discovers that it's really much harder to do when you're already lying on it.
Russetfur doesn't say anything.
"What's wrong, ghostie? You're as silent as the dead in there."
Then a translucent ear rises out of the ground right next to Rootkit's face and he screams loud enough to be heard halfway to Riverclan, probably, and scrambles out of the way. Needlekit screams, too, and then Russetfur is climbing out of the ground like a corpse emerging from its grave.
She shakes herself off and grins down at them with more teeth than a cat should rightfully have. "You forgot to ward the bottom," she says. Rootkit makes a very small sound that definitely qualifies as a whimper. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."
All the fur on Needlekit's body has bushed out so she looks twice her size - which, compared to the full-grown warrior before them, is almost nothing. She's shaking like a leaf, but undaunted, she spits at Russetfur's feet. "Drop dead!"
Rootkit could kill her.
In a blur of movement, Russetfur pins Needlekit to the cage wall with one paw. "I admire your spirit, kit," she hisses. "But if you want to sass me, you're digging your own grave."
That's it. Rootkit has had enough. That is the final stars-damned straw. "Shut up with the stupid ghost puns, I swear to Starclan," Rootkit screams.
The wind rustles gently in the treetops as the two she-cats stare at him.
"The next person to make a single stars-cursed ghost pun, I am going to snap your fleabitten neck. Is that clear?"
Needlekit makes a stifled noise muted by the heavy paw slowly crushing her windpipe.
"Ah." Russetfur looks to be considering it. "Would you say we're dead m-"
Rootkit makes a very aggressive series of throat-slitting gestures.
"...you've got your father's spirit in you, I see."
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it," Rootkit snarls.
That gets her attention. Russetfur's eyes widen, then narrow. "Oh?" Her voice is considerably less friendly.
This is where it gets tricky. Rootkit's at a disadvantage - he's just seriously ticked off a relatively powerful ghost with a grudge against his relatively powerless clan, she's got his sister by the throat, and his only bargaining chip is a bluff. But there's an opportunity somewhere here; he just has to navigate a very prickly, very dangerous minefield and pray he doesn't blow them all up.
Time to channel his inner Tree. "Look," Rootkit says, in his best diplomat voice. "Clearly, we both want something here, something that we can provide for each other. What do you say we make a deal?"
Russetfur narrows her eyes and tightens her grip on Needlekit. "I don't think you're in a position to bargain, here," she says.
"On the contrary." Rootkit raises a paw. "I am in every position to offer a deal... as you just experienced yourself."
Russetfur scoffs. "What could you possibly have to offer me?"
"Your life."
That gives her pause. "If you could exorcise me, you'd have done it already."
Rootkit gives his best imitation of her knife-sharp smile and proceeds to lie through his teeth. "What do you think we were doing just now?"
The ghost narrows her eyes and says nothing.
Rootkit seizes his opportunity and plows onward. "You don't want to be exorcised, and we don't want you in our camp. So here's the deal - you leave and we don't follow." The last few words are growled out, like Leafstar whenever someone threatens the clan.
It's very intimidating, in his opinion, but it doesn't seem to have an effect in Russetfur. If anything, it only seems to make her angrier. "I won't sacrifice my honor as a Shadowclan cat to run from a bunch of kittypets," Russetfur snarls, leaning closer. "Even if you kill me again, I'd sooner die fighting for my clan than kowtow to some coddled housepets."
Rootkit grits his teeth. She hasn't called his bluff, but they can't have her running loose and hurting people. Think, Rootkit! "Another deal, then," he says. "If you won't leave the camp, then you just can't hurt anybody."
"No deal," Russetfur snaps.
"That's the final offer," Rootkit says coldly. "Under no circumstances are you allowed to hurt or injure any Skyclan cats. I'm not going to compromise on that point. And you can't really afford to bargain, anyway," he adds with a shrug. His heart is pounding so loudly he's almost sure Russetfur can hear it. "If you don't, I'll just summon you into the cage again and exorcise you for good. Or who knows? Maybe we'll leave you in there for a while. And this time we'll cover the bottom." He finishes with the nastiest, most hateful smile he can muster - which isn't particularly difficult, right now.
Russetfur goes silent. He can practically hear the gears in her brain ticking as she weighs her options. There's clearly only one real option here; he just hopes she isn't too prideful to take it.
"Fine," Russetfur growls, voice so low he has to strain to hear it. "Fine. I agree to your terms." The hatred seeping from her voice is almost palpable.
Well, the feeling is absolutely mutual. Rootkit dips into a little bow and bares his fangs in a farce of a smile. "Pleasure doing business with you."
Russetfur disappears into the air, leaving Needlekit to slump to the ground, wheezing. Rootkit waits until he's certain the ghost is gone before sinking onto the ground himself, body shaking with all the fear he couldn't allow himself to show before. Holy crap.
"Are you," Needlekit begins, then cuts herself off with a raucous bout of coughs that makes him wince. "Are you... okay?" she whispers hoarsely.
Rootkit makes a high-pitched, keening noise before breaking into nervous laughter. "No, no, not even a little bit. Oh, Starclan, I can't believe I'm alive, I thought she was going to kill us both. Oh stars..." he trails off with a giggle and buries his face in the dirt.
They lie there for a couple minutes, the silence broken only by Needlekit's wheezing and Rootkit's trembling.
"I want Mom and Dad," Needlekit whispers.
Rootkit couldn't agree more.
#warrior cats#warriors fanfiction#wc#wc fanfiction#warriors#rootspring#needleclaw#russetfur#tree#leafstar#violetshine#now that the general premise is done#everything from here on out is stupid ghost shenanigans#you know#if i ever get around to writing them
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You’re my best friend; John Deacon x reader
*Author’s note*
Okay wow I can’t believe I almost missed this deadline but I had this story already up on my Wattpad for the past 2 months so I wanted to transfer it once this deadline came. This is for @writing-of-a-british-bitch‘s 1k challenge and I asked to do the “Your my best friend” song choice.
Now some things had transpired between joining this contest and the time I decided to write it and I really needed to get this pain out. As some of you may know from a post over 2 months ago, I lost my baby black kitty Sassy to Kidney failure. And I realize this was meant to be a fluff fic but I couldn’t help but really write this fic in memory of my baby girl. So some fluff and angst but sadly mostly angst is in this fic. So I apologize if I kinda went back on my word Phoebe but I hope this is still okay for your contest.
Taglist:
@plethora-of-things
@waddles03
@psychosupernatural
@ixchel-9275
@queendeakyy
@simonedk
@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels
@kairosfreddie
@dancingcoolcat
@geek-and-proud
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Kidney Failure. Those are two words that no pet owner wants to hear. My beautiful baby girl Sassy had officially been diagnosed with Kidney failure as well as Kidney stones. At first with her not eating I thought she was just being a little stubborn, then after doing some scary research on why senior cats won't eat, it showed signs of her dying. Then after seeing her cough up some blood early one morning before I wanted to go see a movie, I was told by my parents to take her straight to the vet.
And since I was dealing with this all alone, I was forced to be told by myself and suffer for a full day of the news of my precious black kitty. I had gotten her 15 years ago shortly after my first cat Missy died. She was rescued by an independent rescue woman who had a house full of cats, out of thousands of cats she had, a small, tiny and very skittish kitten stood out of all the rest. Even though at the time my mom wanted a white cat with blue eyes and pink ears, we fell in love with this cute little girl, and I named her Sassy after the cat from Homeward Bound.
For years she was always the skittish girl. Anytime a doorbell would ring, she'd rush out and hide all day. But she was the sweetest cat anyone could ask for. I would always bring her up into my room whenever things got too stressful in my life, or I just wanted to be with her. I'd put her on my bed and just let her sleep there for all hours of the day.
As time went on, she even came to my own rescue like when I got my wisdom teeth removed and I had to recover up in my room. The first night, Sassy had actually came up into my room willingly, hopped right on my bed and slept right beside me for about 3 hours. She's my baby and now she's suffering the same fate my male cat did just several years ago.
My girl's always been the one with health problems throughout her life. First it was the UTI's, then bladder stones, and now she has to take some pills for her thyroid for the rest of her life (she's been on the thyroid pills for roughly about 3 years now), but this—this just blows everything out the window cause now it's evident that she's possibly coming close to the end of her days.
The vet told me what all needed to happen, a couple days of IV to get her fully hydrated, some anti-biotics, and just keeping her as comfortable as possible. So she went through the two days of IV, she's currently on the antibiotic and just has 3 more days to take it while still taking her thyroid pills (I now had to resort to giving it to her liquidly through a syringe since she no longer does the pill pockets anymore).
I don't wanna lose my baby girl. She's my life, my baby, my best friend and I—I don't know what I'm gonna do when the time comes for her when she finally.....
"(Y/n)?" I looked up and there was my dad.
"Hey dad."
"Sweetie, how are you doing? Really?" he said as he came into my room and sat down by my bed.
"I—I'm scared dad. I don't wanna lose my girl. On top with all the stress of trying to find a job, I just can't even focus on anything else but my baby girl."
"I know, I know sweetie." He brought me closer for a hug and I allowed the tears to softly fall down my face. "Maybe—you should get out of the house. Go see those friends of yours, isn't that offer for you to join them at the farm still available?"
"But dad I don't wanna leave Sassy behind. What if she dies while I'm away? That's already what happened to both Hudson and Missy because of school. And I promised that if it ever came Sassy's time I wouldn't allow anything to keep me away from her."
"But if you just solely keep focused on her, you're only gonna make yourself sick. What you need now is time to yourself, spend it with your friends, maybe they can help you out. Maybe even John can help you see. Cause at this rate I feel like you'll only listen to that boyfriend of yours." I softly chuckled as he did to.
"I think I'll just surprise them. They always drop by unannounced at my place either way." He chuckled and said.
"Whatever you want to do. I will watch Sassy for you and make sure she's comfortable. And I promise you if anything does happen, I'll give you a call."
"Thanks dad. I'm glad you came back early."
"Of course. Sassy's important to all of us." I nodded. "You get some sleep now okay sweetie, you've got a long drive ahead of you." I nodded again as my dad kissed the top of my head and gave me a big bear hug.
Once he left my room after shutting my door, I lay there on my bed and allowed the tears to continue to fall as I silently cried myself to sleep.
A few hours later I was on the open road heading towards Rockfield farm where my friends and boyfriend John Deacon. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, John Deacon of Queen is my long time boyfriend. We got together roughly at around Year 10 of secondary school, and even though we ended up going to different colleges, we still kept close to each other with visits and holiday stuff.
In fact, I was the one who convinced him to try out for Queen since I had Freddie Mercury in an art class of mine. And he just decided to take me in as his best friend since we both loved cats (the first time I showed him a picture of my two furbabies he was hooked and wanted to know everything about them).
So I introduced John to the band when Fred told me they needed a new bassist, he auditioned and—the rest was history. As mentioned earlier they were currently at Rockfield farm studios recording their next album 'A Night at the Opera'. Deacy had offered the chance for me to tag along as moral support/citizen critic but when I told him that I was worried about Sassy, he understood but kept the offer open in case I changed my mind.
After what felt like an eternity of driving I finally arrived at the farm just a little bit after 10:30am. I parked the car right next to a blue beetle and got out of my car after shutting off the engine. I looked around the place and saw that it was definitely far out of civilization and distractions, maybe this could be what I needed.
"(Y/n)?" I heard a voice say. I turned around and wearing a pink woman's top and white pants holding a cigarette between his fingers was none other than Freddie Mercury.
"Hey Fred."
"Oh darling it's been so long come here!" I walked over to him as he tossed the cigarette aside into the gravel and extended his arms out. I was then given the biggest bear hug that Freddie is known to give. "Why didn't you tell us we were coming?"
"Figured I surprise you all. You're not pissed are you?"
"Absolutely not dear, a visit from you is like seeing an angel grace our presence. And maybe this time Deacy can pick up the slack." I softly giggled as we separated from each other. "So how are things at home? Deacy said poor Sassy was feeling under the weather, how is the little dear?" at that point I grew sad again. "(Y/n)? Dear was it something I said?"
"Freddie I—the reason I came here was because of Sassy. She's—not doing so good." At that point his face grew worried.
"Come darling, let's sit on the porch swing and talk. You look like you're about to burst into tears." He wrapped an arm around me as we walked towards the front porch of the house and sat down on the cushioned porch swing. Freddie sat to my left and said, "Now then darling, tell me everything." I took a deep breath and proceeded to tell him.
"Last Sunday Mary and I were planning on going to see a movie, but as I was getting around I had seen Sassy laying near where she had just spit up, but what scared me was that there was blood mixed with the phlegm that she had puked up. So I called Mary and told her I had to take her to the vet, they ran some tests on her and......" I sniffled and felt the tears starting to come back. "Freddie she's suffering from kidney failure." He gasped in horror as he covered his mouth with his hand.
"Oh my god......(y/n) I—I'm so sorry dear. Oh come here you." He brought me close into his chest and tears once again began to fall down my face. "Oh my poor dear, I can't imagine what you must be feeling. If it were one of my darlings, I'd be feeling just as heartbroken as you. How—how long has she got?"
"Well thankfully the doctor said if we just keep an eye on her. Cause she's still drinking water, going to the bathroom, and eating when she wants to she could live a little while longer. But Freddie—she's 6lbs now and every time you hold her—you can just feel her bones. It's like picking up a stuffed animal at this point."
"Oh the poor little darling. Does she still walk?"
"Yeah she can still walk, but she—she drags her back legs or stumbles around before just giving up. We're trying to keep her on the main level of our house trying to limit the amount of times of her going either up or down the stairs. Sometimes she'll eat twice a day, sometimes it'll take her well over 24 hours before she eats again."
"Okay. So what all have you done for her?"
"Well she had to do 2 days of IV to get her rehydrated. Now she's on an antibiotic for the next ten days, she'll be done with it in three days so my dad's gonna finish it all off. He said I needed a break from all the stress cause along with her being sick and me struggling to find a job, I've barely been able to keep myself together."
"Your dad's a smart man. Cause dear no offense but you really look like shit."
"Gee thanks Freddie." I sassed back sarcastically.
"Now, now I don't mean any offense by it. I'm just—"
"I know what you mean Fred. Its just—I don't wanna lose my baby girl. I know she's getting older hell she's 16 years old. But I—I don't wanna lose my baby just yet. Not when my life is fully about to begin."
"I know darling, I know." He comforted me as he rubbed my back. I felt him kiss the crown of my head. "Listen to me, okay? You gave that beautiful black cat the best 16 years of her life. And who knows maybe she'll tough it out and stick with you for another 3 years. She knows you love her, and knows that you are doing everything to take care of her."
"You truly are the cat guru Freddie."
"Well comes with experience. But I've seen for myself the love you've given that precious thing. And, god forbid, when the day does come for her to move on, she'll have you to thank for being the best mummy cat she's ever had. And loved her even with her being the skittish thing that she was. Cause other than you, I would've been the only one to see the potential in her."
"Yeah she was a precious thing when I saw her and briefly got to play with her when she was just a kitten." Freddie wiped my tears away with the sleeve of his shirt and he asked me.
"Feeling any better?"
"A little. Thanks Freddie. It takes a cat parent to understand just what I'm going through."
"I'm always here for you dear. And hey, just so you know, my furbabies are your furbabies. They love you just as much as your own do, so anytime you need to come over, they'll be happy to see you."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Shall I get Deacy?"
"Actually I would like to come in, I've been driving since 1am this morning and I could really use a bed right now."
"Or is it just so you and Deacy can—"
"Get your mind out of the gutter you rotter!" he chuckled and said.
"Of course dear, come in come in I'll grab your bags." I went to protest but he stopped me, "No darling I will not take no for an answer." He grabbed my suitcases and we entered inside the house.
It was a charming little house of sorts with old knick-knacks, pictures whether painted or old photographs, and completely wooded interior. Kinda reminded me of my grandparent's place a little bit, a true country home.
"My darlings, we've got a surprise visitor with us to—" Freddie announced as we came into the kitchen. "Oh fuck seriously Roger? I thought I heard a crash but never did I think you'd go that far."
"What else do you expect Fred? Brian said my song wasn't strong enough so I figured I'd show him if this was strong enough!!"
"Perhaps I shouldn't have come after all." I made myself known. At that point Deacy popped right out of his seat and rushed right over towards me and embraced me. I hugged him back and buried my face into his neck. God every time I got a hug from the love of my life, I was already happy and at home with him.
"Why didn't you call and tell me you were coming?"
"And miss the surprise look on your face? I don't think so." He chuckled before separating from me to cup the side of my face. I felt his calloused thumb stroke my cheek gingerly and he placed a soft kiss to my brow.
"Ugh it's too early for you guys to act all lovie-dovie!" Roger complained.
"Oh put a sock in it Rog!" I sassed at him.
"It really is good to see you here (y/n). so what brought on this surprise visit?" asked Brian. My smile dropped and I solemnly looked down.
"My love?" Deacy asked concerned.
"Deacy dear why don't you take (y/n) downstairs to your room and get her situated. She could really use some sleep right now, then come back up and I'll explain everything." Freddie set my stuff down and went up to Brian and Roger and wrapped his arms around their shoulders to guide them out of the kitchen.
"What's he talking about love?"
"It's—the reason why I'm here isn't a happy reason. I wish it was but I—"
"Okay, okay, okay relax. Calm down my love. Come on let's go downstairs, though I must warn you the room isn't very big."
"I'll take whatever it is Johnny." He grabbed my suitcases as wrapped an arm around me as he guided me towards the basement stairs.
And boy was he ever right. How could my beloved possible sleep in a room this cramped, not to mention cold? He set my stuff right by his before guiding me to the bed. He sat down close to me and said.
"Do you want to tell me? Or should I go up to see Freddie?"
"I—I can tell you."
"You sure?" I nodded. "Alright, if you say so. But before you speak, take a couple of deep breaths with me, okay?" he slowly breathed in and I followed behind him. We held our breath for three seconds before slowly exhaling out for five. We did this together over and over and over again till finally I was ready to tell him, and I told him everything in regard to Sassy.
As I explained everything, every now and then I would stop because I could feel tears springing in my eyes. Jesus just when I thought I had cried my last tear, they still keep coming. But my sweet, loving John had tissues at the ready and he would hand me one to wipe my face, before sitting himself even closer to me resting his head on top of mine while his arms were wrapped around me rubbing either my back or arms comfortingly.
"Oh my love. You should've called me as soon as you were told the news. You know I would've dropped everything just to be with you, to comfort you through this." He said once I had finished telling him everything.
"I didn't want to disturb you John. This album is really important to Queen and I—didn't want to distract you."
"Fuck the album, you're my first priority."
"John."
"I mean it (y/n). if you ever asked me to leave the band I will."
"You know I would never ask that of you."
"I know, I'm just saying I would. I just—I just hate the fact that I had to let you get the news alone. I knew your dad left to spend time with your mum for their anniversary together which left you to take care of Sassy and Phoebe, and to get such news all on your own." He kissed my cheek and softly stroked my cheek.
"Why are you so good to me?"
"Your my best friend, (y/n). I'll always be good to you." He leaned in and captured my lips in a soft kiss. I cupped the side of his face before separating from him and pressing my forehead to his while I felt his nose graze against mine.
I then wrapped my arms around his neck while I felt his arms wrap around my waist. He pulled me close to him so that I practically sitting on his lap. I felt his hand rub comforting circles on my back before slowly leaning back. The slightly rickety bed creaked and it was definitely a tight squeeze, but we somehow made it work with me practically lying on top of him, our legs tangled up with each other's and my head resting against his chest.
"God how did you manage to sleep on this tiny bed?" I asked.
"Trust me it's not easy. But somehow I've managed."
"The boys didn't boot you down here did they?"
"No, Paul actually gave me this room. Said that small ones don't get nearly as cold."
"Aww Deacy I'm so sorry." I cupped his jawline to which he nuzzled against my hand and gave my palm a kiss.
"Not your fault. But how are you, really (y/n)."
"Truthfully my head is literally killing me."
"Probably from dehydration from all the crying you must've been doing." He said as I felt him stroke down my hair. He kissed my forehead and set me down on the bed. "I'll get you some water and snacks for you. Gotta get you rehydrated and eating again." He pecked my nose and I smiled at him.
"Thank you Johnny."
"Anytime my love. Stay here, I'll be right back." He brushed the hair out of my face before giving me a soft peck before heading upstairs. I sighed and rested my head onto the pillows and inhaled John's scent from his shampoo that I had bought for him. It gave me a sense of comfort even while he was gone for a brief moment.
He came back down with a bottle of water and a couple bags of crisps.
"You really went all out didn't you?" I teased.
"Well if I know you, I know that when you get really sad, you tend to skip meals. And I know this isn't really the best thing for you to eat right now, but it's all we've got since Roger knocked down the leftovers bitching about his car song."
"His car song?"
"It's better if you don't ask." He sat down on the floor beside me and laid out the bags of crisps then unscrewed the bottle cap of water before placing the straw in. He held it out to me and I took a sip of it. After taking a long drink, he set it down on the nightstand right beside the bed and opened up one of the bags of crisps and proceeded to feed me.
"I can feed myself you know."
"I know, but you've been under a lot of pressure lately. With the unsuccessful job hunts as well as Sassy being sick, the least I can do is pamper you my darling. Now c'mon open up." He guided a potato crisp towards my mouth and I opened my mouth as he popped it inside my mouth.
Deacy kept on feeding me as well as giving me sips of water. Finally after feeling full from the crisps, he set them aside and crawled back into the bed with me.
"Wait, don't you have some recording to do?"
"I talked to the guys about it, I'm gonna stay here and take care of my baby today."
"No Deacy I—I'll just delay your schedule......"
"It's already said and done love, besides Freddie insisted that I stay with you. I can make up my bits tomorrow." I looked up at him and said.
"Thank you Deacy, it—this means a lot. Really, with Sassy being—"
"Shhhh, shhh. Just sleep my love. You really need it." He whispered as he gingerly stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. I closed my eyes and cuddled close to him, his hand tucked underneath my shirt and I felt his nails gently stroke up and down my back comfortingly. The mixture of his scent, his breathing and his heartbeat was like a lullaby that soothed me to sleep.
A week later, I was starting to feel a bit better than I had back at home. Deacy and the boys provided the perfect distraction, Freddie gave me a mini piano lesson as he was practicing his latest masterpiece that he deemed was going to change music forever, Brian and I would take pictures of the guys whether for his scrapbooking or just out of plain goofiness, and Roger—well Roger spent three days in a cupboard but at least he was still willing to talk to me even through the cupboard.
And of course Deacy was an angel with the warm cuddles and bass playing. I've always found comfort in seeing him play the bass, he was in his element and it was amazing to see him break out of the shy exterior and just be him. I was laying on the couch in the studio and he was fiddling around with his bass.
"Can you play me something?" I asked. He looked up and he asked.
"What would you like me to play? Liar? White Queen?"
"Do you think you can give me a sneak peek at a song from this album?"
"Well legally I'm not allowed to but....off the record if there were no Prenter nor sound engineer to be around." He stated as he got up and went over to the sound station and flipped a couple of switches.
"You clever, devious man." I giggled.
"That's why you love me. C'mere." I got up from the couch and went up to the chair he was now sitting at. He extended his hand as I got closer to him and I took his hand. He then had me sit down on his lap and I felt his arm wrap around my waist. "This was finished the night before you came to the farm. I.....I had you in mind when I was writing it."
"Oh god Deacy please tell me it's nothing like Misfire was."
"No not this time. I promise, and in a way....you can think of this song as yours and Sassy's song." He turned on the switch and soon playing through the speakers was an electric sounding instrument. "That's me on the electric piano."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Fred wanted absolutely no part of it so I sat down all night learning how to play it so that I could have it ready for recording." I awed at him and he gave me a peck to my temple and I soon heard the magnificent vocalizations of all four of my boys singing at once, their voices backtracked by their own voices making it sound like there was an entire choir backing them up. Freddie's god-like voice singing the gentle melody of the words.
"What's it called?"
"You're my best friend." He lay my head on his shoulder and the two of us listened to the song together. I'll admit the lyrics did fit Sassy to a T. She has been there for me before in the past and she was always the one I turned to when things got rough and no one else was there for me.
When the song finally ended, I turned to John and hugged him, my arms wrapped around his neck.
"That is literally the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thank you John."
"I'm glad you liked it love."
"Like? Deacy 'like' doesn't even begin to describe what this song meant to me. You and Sassy are both my best friends."
"And I'm happy to share you, even if it is with a feline." I giggled and playfully nudged his shoulder which made him chuckle. "God I've really missed seeing you smile."
"What are you talking about? I've been smiling the whole time I was here."
"Oh you mean the ones that don't reach up to your eyes, the smiles that don't make your eyes twinkle and a laugh come out of that beautiful mouth of yours. Yeah those were real smiles." He sassed sarcastically.
"Okay smartass. Maybe I've—still been depressed about not being with my girl."
"And there's nothing wrong with missing her. But you also need to learn to take care of yourself as well. You looked absolutely exhausted when you first arrived, it was like you'd hardly slept a wink." I looked down shamefully. "I just want you to realize that in order for you to be there for Sassy, you also need to learn to take care of yourself. Do you understand what I'm trying to say my love?"
"Yes Deacy, I understand. I'm sorry."
"Hey, you've got no reason to be sorry. You caring about Sassy this much proves that you're a good cat mum. And maybe in the future, you'll be the same way with our own child." I smiled through a choked sob. I buried my face into John's neck as I felt his hand go underneath my shirt and once again stroking my bare skin sending comforting shivers up my back.
"I love you so much John Deacon."
"I love you so much too (y/n) (l/n)." I looked up at him and he smiled down at me softly and kissed the center of my forehead, the tip of my nose, both cheeks then finally a soft and loving kiss to my lips. "Besides, I always knew one surefire way to get that beautiful smile on your face." Oh shit.
I immediately got off his lap and went back to the couch and held the pillow out in front of me.
"Why ever did you flee from me my love?" he asked in a mocked hurt tone.
"Not another step Deacon. I know what your method is and you're not doing it."
"Whatever do you mean?" oh that little rotter he was taunting me.
"Don't make me say it Deacy!" I begged as I buried my body into the covers leaving only my head to the outside world.
"Well you're gonna have to cause all I'm doing is walking towards you and all you're doing is trying to hide yourself under the blankets and pillows." He continued to taunt as he now hovered over me, his body pinning mine to the couch.
"Deacy no!" I whined.
"No what?"
"Deacy!"
"You're gonna have to specify what I can't do my darling." He cupped the side of my face after tucking some hair behind my ear and captured my lips in a seductive kiss. He almost had me under his spell, that was until I felt him squeeze my sides through the blanket. I squealed and tried to buck him off me but he stayed on top of me. "My, my, my, what have we here?"
"John I swear to god I'll kill you if you do it."
"Do what? All I did was just graze your sides and you just reacted to it. Now what do they call that thing again when people get so sensitive to a light touch?" he pondered.
My god this little shit was good. He was trying to force me to say it.
"John please!" I begged to him with the best puppy dog eyes I could muster.
"Aww look at you pleading and begging with those eyes, it's so adorable. But it won't stop me. Now answer my question." I felt him squeeze my sides again and I let out a soft shrieked laugh. "God if I didn't know any better I'd say you didn't want me to......"
"Tickle me!" I blurted out.
"What a wonderful idea! You always were terribly ticklish." I then pushed him off of me and decked out of the recording studio and began racing around the barn.
I went inside the barn and tried to duck through or go around any beams I could find.
"You're not going to escape from me (n/n). You know you were always the slowest runner."
"Shut up Deacon! It's cause you always cheated with those long legs of yours!" I snapped as I ducked through the hay storage bin before getting out on the other side.
Deacy continued to chase after me for what felt like forever. And I don't know when they became involved or why they chose to do it, but somehow Roger and Freddie got involved with the chase and I was soon tackled out in the field by Roger and he was the first to start tickling me before Freddie then finally my boyfriend Deacy joined in the attack.
The three of them tickling me non-stop till I was red in the face and could barely breathe. Fred and Rog would've gone on forever had John not stopped them and forced them to let me breathe. Once I was able to catch my breath, I turned towards the two troublemakers and said.
"Where.....in the hell.....did you two.....come from?"
"From London." Freddie bluntly shrugged.
"I know that smartass. I meant during the chase." I groaned.
"Oh that well when we saw Deacy chasing you, Fred and I just want in on the action. It didn't matter what we had to do, just as long as it got you to smile kid." Roger said as he gave my hair a ruffle, messing it up.
"Roger! Rog you're messing up my hair!" I said as I tried to get his hand off my head but he would keep putting it back on top and messing my hair up even further.
"But you've got to admit darling, we did get you to smile that fabulous smile that can only be compared to Mary's." said Freddie as he wrapped an arm around me. "Plus didn't that help you just a little bit?"
"Yeah I guess so. Thanks guys, for real this week has—literally been a life saver. I think I'm ready to head back home tomorrow."
"What so soon? But darling we were just having so much fun!" whined Freddie as he brought me close to his chest.
"Plus you help lessen the stress that Prenter causes us." Said Rog.
"And the stress we cause each other. You sure you can't stay a bit longer?"
"Sorry Deacy, I gotta get back to my girl." He rubbed my back and said.
"Okay. Just—promise to call me in case anything happens. You know I'll gladly drop things here to be with you." I cupped the side of his face and stared at him lovingly.
"I'll even allow us to take time off the album so that all of us can be there for you darling." Fred said I turned towards him and Roger and saw that Roger nodded agreeing with both Fred and Deacy.
"You guys—how did I ever get lucky to have such good friends like you all?"
"You've honestly been a blessing to us dear. Never doubt that." Soon I was in a group hug with the front man, the drummer and the bassist of Queen.
The next morning I was all packed up and was hugging the guys goodbye and thanking them for helping me out this past week. I had just gotten done hugging Rog and Bri and I was now at Freddie. He smiled at me and embraced me tightly and he said in my ear.
"You be sure to call us with any updates Sassy's got."
"I will I promise." He separated from me and kissed both my cheeks.
"Drive safe (y/n) dear."
"Will do Fred." I then turned towards the love of my life, my best friend. He held his arms out and I immediately went into them and hugged him back.
"I'm so glad that you came to visit love. Drive safely back home, and call me whenever you get there."
"I will, promise me you'll continue to work hard on the album."
"Will do love." He kissed me but it was shortly interrupted by Prenter exclaiming.
"Enough of this already the boys need to get back to work!"
"Alright Prenter that's it come here!" Roger then charged after Prenter which made John and I laugh softly.
"Should we try to stop him?" I asked.
"Nah, let him take his prey. Besides he deserves it, Prenter's an arsehole anyway." He kissed my temple softly before hugging me one last time. I got into my car and waved goodbye to the guys one last time before taking off back down towards the main road.
Three days later after returning from the farm, I was back at home just waking up for the day. I once again saw Sassy lying there on the couch just like she was last night. I sighed and went up to Sassy and pet her and she shot her head up and looked at me.
"Hey baby girl, ready for your medicine?" she just looked at me before laying her head down. I went over to the sink and prepped the water bottle cap (at this point she had stopped taking the pill pockets, and since I could no longer force it down her, I resorted to liquidating the ¼ pill).
After waiting a couple of minutes I sucked the water into a syringe and walked back over to the couch. Gently as I could, I picked her up and she let out a weak meow.
"I know baby, I know. But this is just the water one this time. You got done with the antibiotic awhile ago." I placed the syringe into her mouth and she weakly opened her mouth but was still able to take in the water. Once she took it all in, I kissed her and took her over to the water bowl cause I knew she probably drink any water since last night. "Here we go baby, drink up."
I gently set her down and she merely just lay there for a moment before realizing where she was. Her head shot up and she reached her paw over the water bowl like how she normally drinks and went face first into the water, her usual way of drinking water.
Once she had her fill after lying down a few times before going back up again to drink some more. I picked her up once more and set her back down on the couch. Since it was a sunny day for the first time in a while, I decided to let my girl sunbathe, her favorite thing to do whenever the sun was out.
"Here you go little mama." I cooed as I stroked her head and kissed it. I then went back upstairs and got ready for the day. The phone rang and I picked it up and answered, "Hello?"
'Hey sweetie. Whatcha doin?' it was my dad's voice.
"Oh just—getting around and all that."
'Ahh I see. How's our girl doing?'
"She's....hanging in there." I looked towards her to see her still breathing.
'Okay good, good. So what have you got on the agenda for today?'
"Well Mikaela is coming to pick me up and we're gonna hang out for my graduation/pre b-day plans."
'Ahh I see, what time is she coming over?'
"About 10ish."
'Okay well you girls have fun and I will talk at you later okay?'
"Okay daddy, love you."
'Love you too sweetie, bye.'
"Bye." I hung up the phone and turned back towards my baby. I walked up to her and as I touched her, her paws twitched and she turned and looked up at me. "I love you so much baby girl." I kissed her head and she turned away from me. With a heavy sigh, I walked back upstairs and got around.
A couple minutes later at 10:07am I walked back downstairs to see Phoebe sitting up on the table looking at Sassy's food bowl that was there.
"Phoebe get down!" I snapped at her. She meowed as she hopped down and ran off. That's when I looked down to see the most horrifying sight I would ever see in my life.
Sassy's eyes were glazed over, and I couldn't see her breathing anymore.
"Sassy? Sassy? Sassy!" I touched her fur hoping to see her react but when he jaw went slacked, tears sprung in my eyes and I fell to my knees. I picked her up in my arms and held her close to me as I sobbed. "Sassy! No! No! No! Sassy please no!" I sobbed as I paced around the room hoping that she would wake up but all she did was lay limp against my shoulder. I placed her down on the loveseat to see if she would breathe again but she didn't.
Sassy was gone.
I ran up to the phone and dialed my dad's number and pleaded softly that he would pick up.
'Hello?' he asked.
"Daddy."
'Yeah?' his voice sounded concerned as soon as he heard the heartbreak in my voice.
"I think Sassy's dead!" I sobbed out.
'Oh my god our cat just died.'
"She was fine earlier as I said. She drank some water but when I came back downstairs I noticed that she's no longer breathing, her eyes are glazed over and she's just limp every time I hold her!"
'Okay, okay (y/n) calm down okay sweetie. Calm down. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to get her cat carrier and a towel.'
"Okay."
'Okay? Then put the towel in the cat carrier and then I want you to gently put her in and take her to the vet, okay? They'll work out the cremation process.'
"Okay."
'And sweetie listen to me. At least she died at home, okay? She passed away peacefully, safe and at home instead of a cold, strange metal table. Because I had to go through that with Hudson and it was not a pretty sight. It broke me, but you gave Sassy a happy life and even with you taking care of her on your own for a while she knew you loved her.' I choked out a sob and nodded.
"I know."
'Okay but go take her to the vet, I'll call your mom and she'll get in touch with the vet.' I nodded.
"Okay I'll take her to the vet."
'Okay now your mom will be available all day for you if you need to get in touch with her. I've got a meeting to get to in the next while. But call your mom anytime you need to talk.'
"Okay."
'Okay I love you sweetheart, it's gonna be okay. At least she's not suffering anymore and that she's now at peace.'
"Yeah."
'Alright sweetie, I love you so much.'
"I love you too."
'Bye.'
"Bye." I hung up the phone and proceeded to get her ready to take her to the vet one last time. I grabbed a towel from my bathroom and tucked it in her cat carrier. I looked down at my baby with tears pouring down my face. Once I got her in the cat carrier on her side, I quickly wrote a note for Mikaela and taped it to the door before finally rushing out to my car and race towards the vet.
When I got there, I stood there waiting for what felt like forever in the small vet clinic till finally one of the vet techs came in. She walked over to me, empathy in her eyes and she said.
"Your mum called and told us what happened. We'll get started with the cremation process, are there any questions you have for us?"
"Just.....just make sure that this is for real. I—don't wanna try anything unless I know it's for real."
"Okay." She took my cat carrier and walked into the back room. I sat down by the window trying to calm myself down. The doors opened and there stood my best friend Mikaela.
"Hey I got your message, are you okay?"
"I don't know dude. Thank god you're here though."
"Of course, of course." She sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around me. It was then the vet came in from the back room and he greeted me.
"She has passed away. Along with the kidney stones and failure, she also suffered a stroke." I covered my mouth with my hand and allowed the tears to pour down my face even more. "We can prep the cremation. Would you like the pawprint as well as her ashes or just the pawprint?"
"Just the pawprint." I replied.
"Okay, before we take her away would you like to see her?" I turned to Mikaela before turning back to the vet and said.
"Yes."
"Okay. Come back with me." I followed behind him and Mikaela told me she'd wait outside. I went through the back door and right there on the table I saw my baby girl lying right on her stomach, her front paws extended outwards and her eyes still glassed over, her fangs exposed as her jaw was still slightly lacked.
"Take all the time you need." the vet told me as one of the technicians came and covered up just her lower body. I nodded before leaning down and pet her one last time, trying to imprint her soft fur into my hand, and my memory.
"At least she died at home, where she was most happiest." Said one of the female vet technicians.
"Yeah. She—she was sunbathing on the couch. She always loved it when the sun was out and I would open up the blinds."
"Yeah. I'll bet she really appreciated it."
"It just—with all the health problems she's had throughout her life I just hoped that....."
"I understand. Especially with all that she had been through for the past week." I nodded before turning back to my baby girl. I knelt down and gave her one final kiss before finally saying.
"Okay. Okay I—I think I'm ready." Then another vet tech came up and fully covered up my baby girl forever, the final step in pronouncing her dead.
"We'll get in contact with your mom about the billing. Again we're so sorry for your loss." The same vet tech that I was talking to earlier about my baby girl.
"Thank you." I said thanks the vet techs as well as the vet for all that they've done for Sassy for her last 2 weeks of life. I walked out of the back room and Mikaela came up and hugged me as we left the vet.
When I got back home I called my mom and told her that she could take care of the billing. After that I said.
"I'm sorry about all this dude I know we had plans and all but—"
"No, no, no, no it's fine. Do—you wanna call John and tell him? Or do you want me to talk for you?"
"I think I can tell him. He loved Sassy as much as I did." I picked the phone up once more and dialed the number for the farm that Deacy gave me before they left. It rang about five times before I heard a voice say.
'Hello?' Oh god why did it have to be him?
"Paul. Can I speak to John please?"
'Oh (y/n) I'm afraid he's too busy to talk right now. Since you distracted the guys they're way behind schedule with the album. They have to work twice as long just to meet the upcoming deadline.'
'Oi Prenter why are you answering the phone!? Thought I told you that you weren't allowed to take calls anymore!' Roger's loud voice proclaimed. I then heard the signs of a struggle and Paul's painful cry as Roger's voice spoke up. 'Talk to me.'
"Rog."
'(Y/n), hey what's going on?'
"Is Deacy too busy to talk?"
'Oh absolutely not, hang on a second love okay? OI DEACY!!! YOUR GIRL'S ON THE LINE COME OVER HERE!' Once again there was silence before I heard John's voice at last.
'(Y/n)? What's going on love is everything okay?' my lip quivered as I gasped out a sob. '(Y/n)? Love you're scaring me.'
"She's gone Deacy." I choked out.
'Oh my god. (N/n) I—I'm so sorry. Was she—'
"On the couch in the sun. It was almost an hour ago."
'Jesus Christ. But (y/n) you were there for her like you always said you wanted to be, and she's no longer in any pain, she's at peace. And she's up in heaven with her brother and meeting her older sister. The cat you had before you got her.'
"I know. I'm—I'm sorry I'm distracting you—"
'No, no, no, no, no, no love shhh, shhh, shshshsh. You are by no means a distraction. I'm glad you called me (y/n). I wish I could be there with you right now holding you in my arms.'
"I want that too Deacy."
'Are you going to get the pawprint?'
"Yeah, it should be ready in a day or two."
'That's good. I love you so much my brave mama cat, you know that right?'
"I love you too. I just—wish you were here John."
'I know. I wish I was there too. Is anyone with you right now?'
"Mikaela is, and I—think I'm gonna call Mary."
'That's good. Surround yourself with those two right now since they know what's happening. Do whatever you feel like you need to do right now okay?'
"I will. I do know I wanna get out of the house. I can't...I just can't be in here."
'Okay then do that. Go to Biba, the record store, see a movie, whatever. Hey, it's gonna be okay, alright?'
"Okay. I just—I miss her so much Deacy."
'I know love, I know. I miss her too. Hey listen, I gotta go, the guys are looking at me wanting to know what's going on.'
"I'll let you go then. I maybe out the whole day but I'll give you a call later tonight, okay?"
'Okay my love. I'll talk to you soon. Call me anytime.'
"I will, bye Deacy."
'Bye my love.' I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.
"You sure you wanna get out of the house? It's cool if you just wanna stay here."
"No Mikaela I just—I really can't be in this house anymore. I need to get away from here for a while."
"Okay, okay. But let's get you calm down first before we head on out, okay? I'll talk to Mary this time and you just sit down and drink some water." I nodded and walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle before sitting down at the kitchen table while Mikaela made the call to Mary and explained everything.
A little while later Mikaela told me that Mary is willing to meet us at the movies since we were planning on seeing that new shark movie that was out now. After recomposing myself and drying my eyes up to show no signs that I had been crying, Mikaela and I stepped out and drove on to meet Mary at the movie theater.
The whole day was spent having a girl's day out. Mary paid for our movie tickets (we chose a later showing than originally planned due to all of this), and then Mikaela paid for our lunch. When it got close to our movie time, we all drove back to the theater (thank god it was literally just across the street) and we got our seats.
For the next 2 hours the film JAWS both terrified and had me at the edge of my seat. By the end of the film when Chief Brody shot the shark, the entire audience actually applauded. After the film, we spent the rest of the afternoon doing a little shopping to help cheer me up until it got dark and I knew I had to get back in order to feed Phoebe.
Mikaela and Mary both came back to the house with me to bid me a final goodbye and to give their final condolences on my loss today. They told me that if I ever needed to talk about today or vent, cry or hang out I could always call them. I thanked them before finally entering back inside the house.
When I got inside, the first things I had noticed was that my hall lights were on and Phoebe was currently eating at her food bowl. At that point my heart started racing a bit because my dad was still at work by now since he had requested some overtime so I know that he'd usually would be on his way home but not here, here. I then heard footsteps coming down the stairs and that's when I was shocked to see Deacy coming down the stairs.
"I thought that might've been you. Had it been your dad it would've been awkward."
"Wha—but.....how are you....."
"Before you ask any questions, how are you feeling? Truthfully?" I looked down and sniffled.
"Heartbroken. I miss her Deacy! I miss my baby so much!"
"I know, I know sweetheart. I do too." He said as he immediately embraced me and rocked me back and forth. "Sassy will forever live in your heart and in your memories, you gave her a good life till the end. And she at least passed away in a peaceful, safe environment. She knew you were there and that you took care of her right to the end."
"It all just happened so fast I mean—she was diagnosed with kidney failure just short of 2 weeks and now she—"
"Shhhh, shh I know. I know. But there was nothing you could do love, there was nothing anyone could've done. She—she was an old cat and.....it was just meant to be her time now. You wouldn't want her to keep suffering would you?"
"Never."
"Exactly, no one does. I know it's selfish but she at least died here at home. And she'll be right there with you."
"I just wish she could've stuck around longer, till I at least found a job. It's stressing enough getting no responses cause of my lack of job experiences now I just....."
"I know love. I know. But you know you've got me right? I can be your stress reliever now, hmm? What do you say?" his nose gently grazed against mine. I sniffled and looked up at him to see him softly smile down at me, his eyes softly shining with empathy.
"Thank you Deacy. I'm happy you came back for me."
"I'll always come to you whenever you need me. You're my best friend (y/n)."
"And you're mine John Deacon." For the rest of the night Deacy pampered me with a warm bath filled with my favorite bath bombs and favorite scented candles. When the bath was done, he helped me into my favorite snuggly pj's before placing me on my bed and snuggling up close to me. My head resting over his chest and his arms wrapped around me snug and tight.
His hand rubbed my back comfortingly and every now and then I felt him kiss the crown of my forehead every time I sniffled or whimpered. Even though he always said he wasn't a singer, I heard him hum the tune to our song 'you're my best friend' and all the while I kept thinking of my baby girl.
#phobes1kchallenge#john deacon#john deacon imagine#john deacon x reader#joe mazzello!john deacon#bohemian rhapsody#bohemian rhapsody movie#bohemian rhapsody imagines#bohemian rhapsody x reader#bohemian rhapsody imagine#queen#queen band#queen imagine#queen imagines#queen fandom#queen fanfiction#queen fanfic#brian may#freddie mercury#roger taylor#roger taylor x reader#brian may x reader#freddie mercury x reader#rami malek!freddie mercury#rami malek!freddie mercury x reader#gwilym lee!brian may#gwilym lee!brian may x reader#ben hardy!roger taylor#ben hardy!roger taylor x reader
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Honeysuckle
Author’s note: It’s been two months since Judas and Minji came to fruition and it’s thanks to the Vampire AU. I found the spark to update and I took it! Enjoy!
(READ ON AO3)
Description: Fate seemed to have other plans in store for Saeran and Saeyoung Choi then what they ever expected. One path that is bathed in the light and the other is drowned in the darkness. They are taking different roads and what will happen when those roads diverge? One time will tell their fates and if they’re destined to be happy or wrought with sorrow.
Vampire AU.
Pairing(s): Choi Saeran/Original Female Character(s), Choi Saeran/Original Female Character(s), Choi Luciel/Main Character/Original Male Character(s)
Past Chapters: Chapter Three | [TBA]
Act IV
“Haha… come on, you mustn't really think that I’m gonna let you off the hook that easy.”
“Alright, you got me. I won’t steal your H.B.C.”
“Thank you, Luciel. That’s the least that you can do after I nursed you back to health like a cute baby birdie! You ask nicely when you want to have some of my food, okay?”
“Aye, aye, captain! May I pretty-pretty please have some of your H.B.C.?”
“Mmm, sure, space cadet, this time I’ll share with you. Next time, though, I might change my mind about sharing with you.”
It had been a few months since this girl had saved him from meeting an untimely end and he had settled into her life as if she had been the puzzle piece that he had been missing. As if he was supposed to be there the entire time. Minji was a sweetheart and had allowed him to come and see her whenever he wanted a break.
He would find himself coming to see her more and more throughout the time they had met. It would be at least once a week at first but it had soon turned into him practically living at her place for half of the week.
Luciel had found safety in the household of Minji Cho. She was a kind and caring girl that had left the family business of hunting behind as soon as she could escape. She had been raised to end the undead lives of monsters that she did not see the monster within.
She did not believe that all vampires were evil creatures but she understood Luciel’s drive but she did not judge him for what he did. But, she did inspire him to look more deeply into what was happening around him when he was on a hunt.
Were they truly causing problems or were they just trying to survive?
Most of his cases from his agency were given to him because people were dying and things had to be covered up. But, there were a few that made him… question things. It didn’t stop his drive to get rid of them but it did make him uneasy.
You had to cut yourself away from the fact that these beasts were once human to be able to do the job they did. Vanderwood made that clear with him when they told him how they had to kill people they once knew because they were changed. So, that notion combined with the humanity that Minji asked him to look for?
A recipe for disaster, honestly.
Humanity was supposed to be one way. The undead was supposed to be another way. It was supposed to be black and white, lines are drawn at the center and nothing more and nothing less. Hearing that someone could have faith in what was supposed to be a growling monster in the dead of the night was enough to make you think.
Minji swore up and down to him that not all vampires were to blame for the disasters. She had been rescued by one when she was young, she wouldn’t go into detail, but she made it clear that the vampire that saved her had a big heart. Their eyes had not been those of a monster, she claimed, they had been warm and full of concern.
How could you ever think they were evil and simply that when one saved a little girl?
Luciel didn’t understand but he didn’t argue with Minji’s opinion. He had simply been taught to believe another thing than what she had been taught. He had seen blood-red eyes and he had felt claws against his throat too many times to think otherwise on the matter. Minji would not lie to him, but the fact of the matter was—
Vampires had come too close to killing him more than once for him to think they were anything more than monsters.
Nevertheless, he continued to march forward and do the job that he had sworn to do no matter what.
He tried to push that notion away when he was with Minji. He wanted to enjoy the time that he got with her and he refused to waste a second. She needed to be kept away from everything that he was involved in. Nobody knew about her at all, not Vanderwood, not the agency, not the RFA members that he had come to know over the past few months.
He would keep it that way.
Love was a liability in his field. Having a family or loved ones meant that if a vampire knew what was close to you… they would destroy them one by one, or worse… things he didn’t want to even consider as an option.
He would not put her in danger and he would not let anyone get their hands on this woman. She deserved to be happy and to know a life without distress. Minji had had enough when she was a child and she had a right to enjoy her life. He made sure that she was safe. No vampires or humans would make trouble for her again as long as he was around.
After all, Minji was just too perfect and too kind for him to ignore.
Her hands on his face when she fretted and coaxed over his wounds had been enough to cement his need to have her near him. Any person that saw him dressed up and bloodied and yet had the kindness to take him home to help clean him up was a true saint. She thought that he was cute and wasted no time making that fact known.
As a matter of fact, in his state of delirium, she had commented that he was pretty, no matter what he identified as. If he had been in the right state of mind, he would have been tongue-tied and flustered by those words.
Minji just knew how to make a situation feel less like a mess and more like it was going to be okay. It had taken her a while to get him stitched up but she managed to take care of everything in a jiffy. She made a hell of a nurse. When he asked later how she knew how to do that, she only had a sad look in her eyes, when she said she learned when she was a young girl.
He didn’t need to know more after that.
When he kept coming back to see her after she helped him, it was with the excuse that he needed to be patched up, but he knew that he could have handled it himself. He felt indebted to her kindness but she would not take anything from him. So, he offered his services when he did come around to see her to make up for it.
She easily got a cute maid to clean up her apartment.
Hanging around Minji was easy. It was easy to talk to her and he had nothing to worry about except just being himself around her. She didn’t ask questions and she didn’t pry but she did let him know that anything could be on the table if he needed to vent. He didn’t dump things on her but he did like that she was happy to listen.
Today, for example, she was gladly giving him a distraction from his last mission.
Her blonde hair was tucked back into a high ponytail and a sweater had been tossed over her shoulders when he showed up early in the morning with a few scrapes and bruises. He cleaned himself up and she cooked breakfast in the meantime. It was no different than any other time that he had found himself in her company.
Minji teased him and played around when he ate.
It was warm and filling, so much unlike what he had often made for himself. Quick, fast, and easy. That was the way that he lived his life and tasting something that had been made low and slow with love tasted all that much better.
“Better?” Minji smiled when he practically licked the plate clean.
“Much,” Luciel nodded.
“I’m glad to hear it,” she took his plates from him and began to clean them in the sink. Her back was to him as she hummed underneath her breath. “You should probably get some rest too, okay? I don’t think you’ve had any tonight. You can borrow my bed for a while.”
“Only if you join me,” he said, rising from the table.
He strode across the room and rested his hands around her waist with his forehead resting against her back. Minji was a little taller than he was, so he couldn’t quite peek over her shoulder but he could do this. Press his lips against the back of her neck to make her shiver and laugh.
“Luciel!” she scolded him, “What happened to waiting for marriage?”
“I just wanted to cuddle,” Luciel chuckled. “If you want to do more, I don’t think that would be all that hard either, baby.”
She made her own sputtered sound when he pushed her buttons, groaning and giggling at his attempts to knock her off her feet. “Don’t tease, Lucy. I’ll make you pay for these crimes later if that’s the game you want to play.”
“Oh? Is my kitten dangerously close to thinking on the dark side?” he asked her with a smile. “I dare say that’s the most sadistic thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Minji turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around him, “Well, you did wake me up earlier then I’m used to… and you know I’m awake when the sun rises on the horizon, Lucy. You should make it up to me somehow if that’s what we’re playing, and I think cuddling is a fair price for me making you breakfast, don’t you think?”
“Alright, alright. I owe you,” he caved.
“That’s what I thought,” she said.
The two of them erupted into laughter together as the cicadas hummed outside the window of her apartment. It was a lovely moment and something that he had longed craved. Enjoying the warmth of somebody’s love is something that he never thought that he would ever be able to experience but being here was enough for him.
Feeling Minji’s arms around him was all that he needed to keep on living.
She made no judgments, she only sought to ensure that he was taking care of himself like he promised he would do. Luciel could not have felt happier than he did when he was with Minji.
He prayed this time he had with her would not ever come to an end. A few years of living in peace like this was ahead of him from this point but this moment of bliss would not last forever, unfortunately. As a matter of fact, it would be three years before this momentary reprieve would be forced to come to a close.
And Luciel did not know the storm that was awaiting him at the end of this tunnel.
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿
Three years.
It had been three years since Lila had been attacked that faithful night and Saeran had no choice but to transform her into a creature like himself to save her life. He did it during the heat of the moment, and he had no known if it would even work to save her life.
He had gotten lucky and gotten to her just in time to induce the process.
The back of his mind was still haunted by the sight of her small body, parlor, and nearly torn to shreds on the dirt like a broken toy left to rot, her hair dampened and clumped up with dried blood leaking from her head, and her brown eyes almost looking through him as she tried to croak something that he could not understand.
How he had desperately gripped her hands and had to sink his teeth into every part of her body that he could reach as her pulse started to slow down more and more by the moment.
It had taken nearly two weeks for her body to come to grips with the venom that he had injected and when she awoke, brown eyes gone and replaced with a ruby red, he feared that she would feel the same thirst and lack of control that he had been pressured to give into. Yet, she stared at him, obviously parched but she was still there.
The woman that he had come to love was still inside of her body.
She was just a little different now. No longer a petite human who was clumsy and constantly getting hurt because she did everything for her family. She was now a creature of the night, a vampire just as he was, damned to live forever and survive on the blood of others to live. She was no longer hurt, however, and that was what made the guilt lessen.
Lila had been suffering, so terribly, and had it not been for him, she would have been dead long before he came into her life. They were both okay with this fate as it was now. He had no choice, and she had no choice of what would come. But, they had each other and as long as they had each other, things would be okay.
At least, Saeran wanted to believe that.
After he had taken the time to help her quench her thirst as best as he could, the two of them talked about what had happened that night. He had wanted to know who had harmed her and nearly left her for dead. Lila could remember nothing but green eyes and blonde hair before she started screaming and her vision went black.
Saeran’s stomach twisted in knots when she said that.
He knew who had tried to harm the woman that he loved and he knew that neither of them was going to be safe if they stayed in this place. It was at that point that he had to be honest with Lila about who he had run away from and why.
Some of the details… he couldn’t talk about them at length, not even now.
But, he let Lila know that he had been changed against his will one night and been used as a science experience more or less for a few months. How Rika would not stop until he went back to that place on his accord and that he was the reason that she had been hurt.
The guilt of that still bothered him, even to this day.
Now, they were living on the run, going town to town, and exploring the world together as normal as they could seem to the eyes of humans. To anyone that caught a glimpse of them during the evening, they would have seen an average couple holding hands, but if they looked hard enough on a bad day they would see red eyes.
The thirstier you are, the more red appears, after all.
Today, Saeran was trying to sort out where they should go next as they had been staying in this most recent location far too long. It was the season where the sun stayed out for such a long time and it was hard to travel at night when your hours were limited.
They made the best of it, though, it just was not always easy if eyes were starting to be raised.
Animal blood only sustained a vampire for so long and it would run out of their system much quicker than the blood of a human.
Still, neither of them wanted to use that option unless they had no other choice but to do that.
“Saeran,” she said, reaching over to brush her hand against his leg. “You need to rest.”
They were sitting together in their dingy hotel room on the bed as Saeran poured over his phone to see what he could find. It was hard to hide the trail when both of them were up against an entire group of vampires instead of simply one. They knew what to look for and they could only hide so much when they made a mess.
“Technically, I don’t need any rest,” he said, quietly. “I realize you’re concerned but I promise I’m alright. As long as you’re with me, I never tire.”
“That’s always your excuse,” Lila leaned her head against his shoulder. “I know you can handle yourself but you’ve been taking care of us for such a long time. It’ll be alright. I’m sure you’ll be able to find the next safe spot from them.”
“About that…” he trails.
Lila frowns.
Saeran looks back at her with that look in his eyes that says he’s got something to say that he’s not happy about saying. He hesitates and then speaks. “About that, I think I have something but I need to go ahead to scout things out first. It’s too dangerous to take you with me because of that last close call we had.”
“So you want me to wait here for you,” she said, quietly.
He shook his head. “No, I know you would hate to do that. I have a meeting spot that I’ve ensured is safe that I want you to head to. I can’t leave you here knowing they could already be onto us. I don’t put it back her to send hunters, either. So, I need you to keep moving while I make sure that we have a safe place to go.”
Saeran interlocked his fingers with her own.
Hers were still so small in his. But, there was a firmness in them now that was not there when she was a human. She could fight off anyone she wanted to if it came down to it, but he did not want her to have to go to that means. As long as he could protect her, she would not have to fight.
“You’re strong,” she affirms. “I’m so proud of you, Saeran. You’re always protecting us and I know how hard that is.”
“I’m stronger with you,” he murmured. “I would be nothing without you.”
“And I would not be here if not for you,” Lila said. She meant it, she meant every word of it. She was happy that he had saved her life. She did not see what he did as him taking her life away, if he had not acted to save her, she would have died.
He saved her, and that was how she saw this.
They shared a kiss.
It was a brief one, with them both pulling away momentarily before leaning back into to steal another and another and another. When they were together in this way, it was like electricity was coursing through his veins. He couldn’t resist being close to her and she couldn’t stop herself from trying to cling to him.
Perhaps it was because they both understood that life was not a given. They had to live each moment like it was the last one they would ever share. It would be this way until Rika and her group were taken down and they could live in peace.
It would happen, it would have to happen.
“I don’t want to leave you,” Saeran chuckled when she pulled back. Her forehead pressed against his own. “You make it so hard to leave.”
“It’s so you’ll come back to me,” she reminds him with a smile. “Now, tell me what I need to do and I will do it. I trust you, Saeran.”
So, he gave her everything that she needed to know. How she would have to travel and how he would meet her late in the night. It was too far for her to make the walk on foot so she would have to travel during the day to get there but as long as she did as she normally did and covered herself, it would be alright.
Saeran would walk and use the cover of the woods to make sure there were no tracks or markings that would leave to either of them.
They separated that evening with her in a taxi and him setting off on foot.
Saeran would scout everything out and ensure that there were no signs of Mint Eye, and Lila would go to a safe area that he knew had no hunters or vampires to speak of. It was supposed to be very simple and nothing more to it, but life had never been kind to these two.
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿
Luciel was pissed.
There was no way to say this beyond those simple words. He was angry and not even the wrath of Satan would be enough to describe what he was feeling. Luciel had let himself become complacent in his new life and his guard was too far lowered.
They had taken the one person that he cared for and held her like a toy in front of him as a trap. Minji had been kidnapped and was now being used to lure him into a trap. He had come back from a mission only to find Minji’s home in shambles and a note left for him that simply read: You do have a weakness, hunter.
They had taken the woman he loved and now he did not know what he was going to do. No, he knew what he was going to do. He was going to hunt down every single one of them and rip them limb from limb until they were unrecognizable.
He was going to make sure that they never did anything ever again just for looking at her, but if they hurt her—
Nothing was going to stop him from destroying every vampire he saw.
He hated them.
He hated them all.
They had taken everything that he had left and now, he had to fight to get it back. He did not even know if they would keep her alive for long. A human in a den of vampires? They would kill her or worse, change her just to spite him if it came down to it. Minji was strong and she knew how to protect herself but one human against a group?
Odds were not in her favor.
He told Vanderwood that he had a mission to do that had been given to him alone, and then he set off to destroy the vampires that had taken her from him. They had left him a location to go to but only that, and he would have to buy himself time with this so his boss wouldn’t know what he was doing and that he had been going against the agency’s orders.
It would not last for long, the lie, that is.
So, he had to do this fast and hard. It was only a matter of time until she got hurt or he got caught and he wasn’t going to lose against the clock, not again. He had protected his baby brother and he was not going to lose Minji too. He may not be able to see Saeran, but he can see Minji, and that means he has to protect her.
He followed the note to the exact location and found himself a desolate town late at night. It was foggy out and the conditions were poor. It wasn’t good for human eyes. He made sure to park his car and take out what he needed before exiting and starting to scope out the place. The town was his only clue and he had nothing else to go on.
It was hardly populated by any means, and that struck him as odd. Most vampires stick to big cities for their targets. It was better for them to go undetected. Murders and crime happened all the time in a city, but not in a small town.
They were trying to ensure that Luciel couldn’t bring backup or get help, weren’t they?
It wasn’t going to stop him from killing them. If anything, it made it better because he was going to make sure they were screaming until the end. For every injury and the wound he found on Minji, he was going to inflict it back on them tenfold.
Luciel looked around, but there were hardly any people in town. He found himself checking each face he walked past for the telltale markers but they were all humans. That made him feel like this had been a dead-end, making him groan and grit his teeth in frustration. He eventually stopped and turned into an alley.
He made his way to the end of it and turned to make a right for the next block but he walked right into a girl. She was short, much smaller than he was. He almost mistook her for a kid but he figured out real fast that she was a woman. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice a little hollow as he found forced joy to not be easy at the moment.
“It’s okay,” the voice replied. “It happens.”
He offered her his hand to help and when she stood up, she looked at him and blinked. It was like she knew him, she was tracing his face with her eyes and then something clicked. “Saeran?” she asked, her brows feathered.
“I thought you said that you were going to be back by sunrise. How did you get so here? Was there trouble? Please, tell me you didn’t run into any hunters. We barely got away from them the last time, are you hurt?” her voice is pained, worried, and panicked.
Luciel finds that he can only stare at her in shock. She said the name of his twin brother, and she seemed like she knew him. She wouldn’t have said that to a stranger and she would not have looked at his face like that if she didn’t know it.
His mirror image.
Then, he realized, she mentioned hunters. That was when he noticed her eyes were not entirely brown. There was a glimmer to them that was tinged in red as if she were a…
No, no!
All thoughts of Minji are put on hold as he turns his rage onto this woman. Luciel can’t stop himself from slamming the woman against the concrete wall to the right of them with a hard shove.
Her back collides and she lets out a loud wince but pushes back against his hold with a firm grip that is not human. He is bigger than she is, and he had the upper hand with the way his fingers are around her throat. It takes him a split second to pick up his stake with his free hand and press it against her skin as she visibly panics.
She looks into his eyes and finally notices that the color is not green, “You’re not… Saeran…” she breathes, horrified.
“No, you monster, that’s my brother,” he hissed with such venom in his voice it almost burned. “Now, tell me how in the hell you know who he is, vampire. I am already looking to kill the first vampire that fucks with me. I’m going to give you till the count of three or I’m going to drive this into your undead heart and leave you here to burn in the fucking sun.”
She struggled against his hold but it was no use, no matter how hard she kicked against him, he would not let go. This was a hunter, and this hunter was ready to kill her and leave her for dead just like that. She and Saeran had come into contact with hunters before but he had made her go ahead and refused to let her see what happened.
But this was the true power of a hunter. They trained for years to kill vampires and Lila, now a vampire and years away from her humanity, was a target for people like that. She did not want to die, not again… not like this!
“Please, stop!” she pleaded with him. “I can explain everything if you just give me a moment, I promise, I won’t hurt you!”
“I can’t say the same for myself, monster,” Luciel growled.
“Saeran didn’t tell me he had a brother,” she tried to reason with him but it was not getting her anywhere with him. “Look, he’s important to me too! I’ve been with him for a few years now. He’s going to be here soon, I told you I was waiting for him! We’ve been together for a long time now and he’s been protecting us from—”
The stake in Luciel’s hands pressed just a smidge harder against her chest. It was silver, and it burned like hell. It burned almost as hot as the fire that had enveloped her body when she was first transformed.
“You’ve been with him for a while?!” Luciel found his anger rising even higher, not stopping to hear any more. “He’s supposed to be far away from monsters like you! Don’t lie to me, temptress, did you take him away from his happiness to use him as some plaything, I know how you monsters are with humans—”
Luciel was on the ground and the woman was freed from his grasp. The redhead rolled over and sank to a defensive position as he watched a dark figure move the woman behind them. Clearly, this was her partner, he assumed.
Perhaps they were in league with the monsters that took Minji? This could have been a bigger trap than he thought.
“Saeran,” the woman said, her voice was trembling from the attack. “Please, wait. This hunter said he was your—”
The hood fell from the man’s head and revealed a familiar shade of red hair that matched Luciel’s. His eyes were green and his skin was nearly as white as a sheet, there were rings under them as if he had not been getting any sleep, and his figure was slim as if he hadn’t been getting fed. He was dressed in all black, dark jeans, a black shirt, and a leather hoodie. Green eyes met golden eyes all at once... eyes that had left met when they were both human, but now, these brothers were separated by more than distance. One was undead and the other was living. One was a hunter, and the other was a vampire.
They couldn't have been more different.
Saeran found himself unable to say anything at all.
Luciel didn't know what to do, so he just stared at him, and then buried his face in his hands, letting out a painful sob at the realization that his little brother, the one that he had left to protect from their father, and eventually, from the undead, was now the very thing that he had been trying to kill.
“Saeyoung…?”
#mod kait#honeysuckle#mystic messenger#mysticmessenger#mysme#saeran choi#choi saeran#fanfic#saeyoung choi#choi saeyoung#poly trio#minji cho oc#lila lancelot oc#mystic messenger cmc#mysme cmc#cmc#oc#judas mc2#vampire au#oc x canon
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Slow Burn (Part IV)
Part One. Part Two.
Part Three.
A/N: Part IV of Slow Burn. If you can tell, Kraków is one of my favorite cities and felt like a great point for this particular chapter. Other Alex related one-shots can be found in my Masterlist. Hope you like! Comments, reblogs, likes are always appreciated!
Word Count: 3890
For fear of moments stolen I don't wanna say goodnight But I'll still see you in the morning Still know your heart and still know both your eyes
Since that night the moon has never seemed the same
He wakes up to the faint smell of coconut and a tingling sensation in his left arm. For a split second, the daily feeling of disorientation takes over him as he processes that he’s in yet another hotel room, in yet another country, living this incredibly strange existence. But there’s something different about this morning in particular. The smell of coconut is floating from the head of hair his face is practically buried in, the curls tickling his nose as he tries to take in the scent as deeply as possible and commit it to memory. The state of discomfort in his arm is owed to the fact that it’s nestled under her ribcage, his other arm draped over her stomach with fingers splayed over the skin underneath the t-shirt she’s sleeping in. His t-shirt. Even though his left arm is begging for relief, he doesn’t dare move a muscle. He knows as soon as he does, as soon as she wakes, the moment might be ripped away and brushed under the rug. So for now, for as long as he can, he’s going to breathe her in and relish being pressed against her in the early morning glow. Laying in the silence, basking in it, he lets his mind replay the prior evening. The bandage on the back of her shoulder jogs his memory and immediately takes him back to Kraków’s cobblestoned streets, the moonlight reflecting off of the windows of storefronts long since closed for the night.
They move through the streets slowly, cheeks warm from the Polish Vodka they’d been nursing since the end of that night’s show. A piece of street stall zapiekanka passes back and forth between the two of them, which Alex had spent half the night on the hunt for. When the rest of the group had slowly started breaking off to head back to the hotel in preparation for the early morning drive to Vienna, he had been the one to convince her to stay out just a little longer. Even though he was often mesmerized by her for the simplest of reasons, there was something about Kraków Alex that was more intoxicating than even the vodka. She’d been mentioning since the beginning of tour how much she loved this city, stars in her eyes anytime she spoke about it. But it was different actually watching her wander through Kazimierz and Old Town with her eyes wide, fingers brushing across the brick buildings and taking it all in with nostalgia as if it were a home she’d never known. It was yet another facet of her he hadn’t seen yet, this childlike wonderment, and it only softened his heart for her more. As if it wasn’t already a hopeless puddle anytime she was in front of him. Not wanting to sacrifice a second of watching the flush in her cheeks as the spring night air swept through her hair, he insisted on not letting the night end. Even as the rest of the team, Andrew included, shot him discerning looks on their way out of the final bar, all he could do was shrug his shoulders from behind Alex’s back. It was next to impossible to be rational and lovesick at the same time.
“God, I don’t know what it is about this city,” She sighs to herself, arm tucked through his as they strolled through Old Town. The moon, bigger and brighter than he’d ever seen it, lit their way and reflected off of her eyes as she looked up to him. “I wish we had more time here, I don’t want to leave.” It was clear to him that she was trying to stretch the night out as desperately as he was. There was no other reason she’d still be out in the middle of the night with no destination in mind.
“I know, I can’t believe we’re almost through with Europe.” His forlorn sigh matches hers as they weave past a couple necking on the sidewalk. He and Alex share a momentary smile at the couple’s expense, but there’s an undercurrent of jealousy that they aren’t the ones pushed up against the city walls, lost in one another. Granted, even if they were simply, innocently arm in arm, Shawn still feels as lost in her as if they were tangled in the sheets. “I’m dreading the end of this leg. I’m not ready.” With a rush of nerves, he looked off into the distance, not wanting to make the loaded nature of his statement any more obvious. Because what he was trying to say, what he really meant, was that he wasn’t ready to leave her. Even if it was just for a couple of months, he couldn’t imagine not seeing her every day. Breakfast wouldn’t be the same without listening to her tease Brian. His afternoons wouldn’t be the same without her forcing a smile out of him by asking in a dead serious tone if he ever planned to collaborate with BTS. And the nights? God, the nights definitely wouldn’t be the same. Not without laying across her bed watching her proudly show off her bad dance moves to Lizzo songs. Or listening to her geek out over Game of Thrones theories. He wouldn’t even get tired of the sinking feeling he got every time he caught that last glimpse of her face before her hotel room door shut in front of him. Although, he was certain he’d continue seeing her face nightly anytime he closed his eyes. Nothing was going to match having her in the room, though. The comfort of just knowing she was there and that was enough for all to be right with his world. He just wasn’t ready for anything to change, not in that way at least. What he didn’t realize was that there were plenty of similar thoughts running through her mind at that very moment. She didn’t want to miss out on those sweaty post-show bear hugs, where she’d never felt more at home than wrapped up in his arms. She wasn’t prepared to give up their nightly ramblings about everything and nothing. She was even going to miss bickering with him about the right way to chop vegetables (she truly feared he’d be missing a finger by the time June rolled around). Alex was just as afraid to let this moment in time pass and face the real world again, without one of his smiles to start her day.
“We’ll be running around North America before you know it.” Alex replies with as reassuring a tone as she can muster, rubbing his arm for added comfort. “And you have some exciting stuff coming up in May, I’m already planning my SNL watch party. I’m going to make everyone take a shot if you say, “sing it!”. Two shots if you forget the words. Three shots if you fall.” At the look of offense on his face, she hides in his shoulder, her laugh vibrating against his arm.
“Maybe I am ready to be Alex-free for a little while.” Shawn scoffs, shaking his head but secretly eating up her mocking. “I’m glad to hear you believe in me, feels great.” He still can’t help but laugh along with her. When so many people line up to kiss your ass, it’s always a breath of fresh air to hear from someone who doesn’t mind poking fun. Who can keep you grounded. “What are you going to be up to with your time off?”
She takes a beat to consider the question, obviously not having as impressive of an answer. “I don’t know, I mean, I’ll be back in the office.” It’s easy for him to forget that she has a real job, one with a desk and a cubicle and probably one of those “hang in there” posters with a kitten on it. And far more likely, a bottle of Maker’s Mark in her desk drawer. “I have a lot of contracting to do for a few fall tours, but I should be able to handle all of that from Chicago. I guess I’ll just be hanging out, back to the boring old grind. Gonna be tough to go back to civilian life.”
Continuing their aimless walk, the sound of a busker strumming away on his guitar fills the air. Neither of them recognizes the song, but it’s soft and sweet and only makes his hands itch to pull her in. Not letting himself hesitate any longer, he grabs her hand and gives her a sloppy spin into his chest, grinning at the way he’s managed to catch her off guard. Being that she had more of an impulsive streak than he did, it wasn’t an easy feat. A giggle leaves her lips as she lets herself lean into him, the hand that isn’t in his moving to his shoulder. “I guess I should ask first, if you want to dance.”
He’s fully expecting a snarky response from her, something just sharp enough to keep his ego in check but still kind enough not to bruise it. Surprisingly, all she does is look up at him, the moon lighting her features. “I’d love to.” Her hand brushes further across his upper back, settling on the nape of his neck. It sends shivers down his spine and he can’t decide whether he wants her to notice what she does to him. However, the way she’s melting into him? He’s confident the feeling is mutual. That maybe he isn’t exaggerating this connection between them. Maybe she’s in as deep as he is. They keep swaying together in the empty street, even after the busker starts packing up to leave. He imagines that had neon lights not caught the eyes of this spontaneous girl, that they’d have kept right on dancing until sunrise.
“Hey, I have an idea.” She squeezes his hand, already biting her lip the way she does when a scheme is turning it’s wheels through her brain. “Come with me.” Reluctantly, he drops his hand from her waist, trailing behind her as she takes off with purpose towards one of the few windows that’s still lit up. When he finally takes his eyes off of her long enough to judge the place she’s whisking him towards, he realizes with a chuckle that it’s a tattoo parlor of all places. While it’s true he hasn’t known Alex for long, he knows her well enough to be a little jittery about her plans. When they make their way into the small shop, he stands back and lets her do the talking. He watches as she digs through her purse for her phone, quickly bringing up a picture of a floral sketch she’d already had saved. Listening intently to her rambling, the artist starts drawing out his own version, a small branch of cherry blossoms. He already knew she had several existing tattoos, mostly small and simple. A sailboat on her inner ankle to represent her life growing up on Lake Michigan. A small mountain range on the back of her arm that she’d gotten after spending the summer between high school and college hiking Pacific Crest Trail with friends. The doodle made by her late grandmother dotting her right wrist was her favorite, and the way tears had welled up in the corner of her eyes when she explained it to him made him want to hold her and never let go. In the scavenger hunts to uncover her existing tattoos, she’d never mentioned having another one planned. But clearly, based on the photos saved to her phone, it’s something she’d been thinking deeply about. Being that he’s lost in his own thoughts of her, he almost doesn’t hear her when she turns to him, asking his opinion. “I think under the branch, he should add the words ‘let’s get lost’, what do you think?” The way her eyes flash this vulnerable look she only seems to have when she’s looking at him, he instantly understands the meaning without having to ask. It’s his lyric. A lyric to the first song she ever saw him play live. A lyric that easily represented the way they’d been stumbling together through Europe, falling harder for one another in each new city.
“Really?” There’s this weird sense of pride and humility that fills him, to know that a piece of their time together, a piece of him, was important enough to her that she wanted it to be emblazoned on her body. “I love it, Alex, I really do.” This earns the biggest smile he’s seen from her yet and somehow, he’s never been this tempted to kiss her. Even though that’s the baseline feeling he has every time he wants to kiss her…which is pretty much constant.
Before long, the artist has the design prepared and the stencil complete. For a moment, Shawn is nervous that she’ll want him to wait for her out front. But there’s something about her going off with a stranger that’s going to inflict a certain amount of pain on her that makes him immediately protective. Fortunately, she grabs his hand without hesitation and pulls him along with her to the back of the shop, not letting go as she lays chest down on the cushioned table. Leaning on her elbows for a second, she shimmies down the straps of her dress and bra, leaving her right shoulder bare. She does have to let go of his hand briefly to accomplish this, but quickly grasps it again as soon as she’s finished. When she blows out a shaky breath, he realizes she’s more anxious than he expected. Squeezing her hand as the artist makes the final preparations and applies the stencil, he gives her the same reassuring smile she’d flashed him earlier in the evening.
“So how long have you been thinking about getting this tattoo? You never mentioned it.” He wants to hear the answer almost as much as he wants to keep her mind occupied as the tattoo gun makes it’s first contact with her skin. When she winces, he almost can’t bear it. Seeing her in pain, even at her own request, stings in a way he almost can’t understand. But she’s resolute and manages a smile through the pain.
“Oh, I don’t know, a month or so, I guess?” Alex bites her lip, but it’s out of exposing herself rather than the physical pain. “I’ve been having the time of my life.” This time, she squeezes his hand instead. “I never want to forget it.” He doesn’t even think before reaching up with his free hand to brush her hair back, thumb brushing against her cheek and resting there too long to be considered innocent. They sit in silence for awhile, interrupted only by the sound of the tattoo gun, until the artist announces that he’s finished the line work and ready to start shading the flowers. Clearly picking up on the tender moment between them, a gleam enters the older man’s eyes.
“You know, I never do this,” He chuckles in a thick polish accent, “But would you like to fill in the flowers? I’ll tell you what to do, very easy.” He says this with confidence, as if it’s no big deal to jab a needle into someone’s skin. Especially someone you’re falling head over heels for. To say Shawn is caught off guard is an understatement. No way in hell does he trust himself to do this, to anyone, much less Alex. But the way her face lights up, brighter than when it was awash in moonlight, he knows there’s no way he can get out of it.
“Yes, Shawn, please.” She whines, knowing it’ll be an uphill battle to convince him. The look of determination in her eyes tells him that even if he fights her on this, tooth and nail, he’s going to lose. Now it’s him taking a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair while racking his brain for an excuse that will appease her. Unfortunately, nothing comes to mind.
“Are you absolutely sure? What if I hurt you? What if I fuck it up?” He rattles on, hand still snuggly grasped in hers. “Alex, this will be on your skin for the rest of your life. You need to be sure.”
At his reluctance, she raises to her elbows again for a second, wanting to be even the littlest bit closer to him. “Shawn, I’m sure. You won’t hurt me, you won’t fuck it up. Even if you do, I’d rather have it be your mistake than someone else’s best work.” She lowers her voice at the last part, not wanting to offend the artist that still has a certain amount of her fate in his hands. “If you’re not comfortable doing it, that’s totally okay. I get it. But I’d love it if you did.” Will he ever be able to say no to this woman? Taking one last nervous breath, Shawn accepts the gun from the artist and listens carefully to his instructions, asking him to repeat multiple points before he feels confident enough to move forward. It takes one last soothing look from Alex before he’s finally ready to bring the needle to the skin of her shoulder. Unexpectedly, he feels her relax instantly under his touch. The tension leaves her shoulders, melts from her back. The mere fact that she trusts him to do this, that she wants him to leave this permanent mark on her, something that might outlast them. Something that will be a part of her until her dying day. His imprint on her for a lifetime.
Through some miracle, he’s able to finish filling in the petals as instructed without making any mistakes or causing her an undue amount of pain. For a second, he almost thinks she’s drifted off to sleep before he’s finished, with the way she’s relaxed beneath his hand. But after the tattoo artist takes over to finish some final touches and wrap her tattoo, her eyes flutter open with a look of contentment. He feels her gratitude without her having to say a word, and he hopes she feels his. For letting him in like this, for sharing this moment with him. It’s so strange how something as simple of a tattoo can make him feel so bound to her, which is both euphoric and terrifying all at once.
It’s not long before they’ve finished up and are cast back on to the streets, the back of her shoulder bandaged and their hands interlocked once more. She goes back to leaning into him with her good shoulder and by the time they’re in the elevator up to their rooms, he doesn’t think twice about planting a kiss on the crown of her head. Even if they never go any further, they’ll always have this night. And it alone means the world to him.
They pass his door first and he’s surprised when she comes to a stop. It’s part of their routine that he always walks her back to her room first. “I…” Alex stammers for a second, eyes flicking between him and the door. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Can I…can I stay with you?” The pleading look she’s giving him isn’t even necessary, he wonders if she knows that, if she has any idea that he’d do anything for her. Without a thought. He’s aware how dangerous that could be, but so far, if it just boils down to tattoos and sleepovers, he’s more than ready to give her anything she wants.
“Of course.” He fumbles with the room key momentarily before getting them both inside. While he would have expected there to be an awkward tension in the air, there’s a comfortable familiarity instead. The way they maneuver around each other as they get ready for bed, it’s what he imagines a seasoned married couple is able to do. Except that he respectfully turns around as she changes into the t-shirt he’s tossed her, her boyshorts peeking out from under the bottom once he faces her. That sight alone is enough to make him blush, which he knows is a tad pathetic considering he’s not fourteen.
“Which side?” She asks as she glides towards the end of the bed, debating where to crawl in.
“Count of three?” He crosses his arms with a playful grin, earning one right back from her.
“Okay, one, two, three,” She counts off on her fingers before they both announce their preference. For once, their disagreement works in their favor as he says left and she says right. One more check in the mental “pro” column he’s been logging. He waits for her to crawl in and get comfortable before flipping off the light and crawling in after her. Not wanting to assume this is more than it is, he settles directly on to his back, leaving plenty of space between them across the king sized bed.
“You know, I can take the couch if you want, it’s actually super comfortable,” He has absolutely no clue if it’s comfortable or not…actually, he’s not even sure he’s picturing the right hotel room and couldn’t say for certain that there’s even a couch in the room at all.
“No, please stay.” Her voice is soft, the playfulness replaced ever so slightly with the same softness that was present during their impromptu dance. “Unless you want to, I mean, I don’t want to force you to cuddle with me. Please don’t feel obligated.” The way she sounds seriously concerned, as though she’s the one that’s overstepped, causes him to chuckle louder than intended.
“Cuddle? You didn’t say anything about that…” He inches closer to her, almost an unnoticeable distance, still reluctant to take a mile if she only means to give an inch.
“Shawn, I let you poke me with needles, I think you owe me a little TLC,” She rolls closer to him until they’re nearly touching.
“Okay, that does not get to be a thing you say to people by the way, you asked me to. Begged.” He can see her pout lip even in the darkness of the room, and just like in the elevator, his body moves faster than his mind as he pulls her into his chest. “But I’m glad you did. I hope you like the final result, it’s going to be there forever.” He’s beyond relieved when she settles into him, nuzzling her face into his neck, arm draping over his hip.
“I love it.” Her words are the last thing either of them hears before they succumb to sleep. Wrapped in one another in a way that they know they shouldn’t be but can no longer resist.
Which is what makes it that much fucking worse when the first face to greet them in the lobby of their Viennese hotel is that of a guy he’s seen only in Facebook photos and Instagram posts. A guy he frankly hoped he’d never see in person. Of course, he is tired as hell and probably not seeing clearly, so he’s fully prepared to ignore the dude entirely. That is until he hears the quaking of Alex’s voice next to him.
“Ethan? What are you doing here?”
A/N #2: Okay, yes, this was inspired by a tattoo I got last night. Check my blog for a picture of the fresh product, that’s basically what Alex got ;) Art imitates life, right?
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Ficcing
Unless I get deleted and can’t get undeleted, I’m probably not moving, due to, y’know, laziness. Just in case any of y’all were wondering. Doesn’t affect me much, honestly, as I’m not exactly NSFW up in here:P
Spiritverse. M/K-ish, with a few dark themes (mentions of drug overdoses, spousal abuse, death). Oh, and bonus Endy.
**
Every one is different, and difficult, but this one particularly so.
The paramedics wheel in a young woman who must have been pretty once, with a face ravaged by the lines etched by cheap cosmetics and hard drugs behind the oxygen mask. The hair is brassy blonde, the type which comes from a cheap box, with dull dark roots showing, teased into a somewhat pitiful attempt at glamour. Between that and the skimpy outfit-- too short for the winter chill-- it doesn’t take much deduction on the part of the intake staff to figure out her profession. The nurse taking her vitals looks at her with a mix of pity and slight revulsion, and Desirée can all but read her thoughts.
Another hooker. Another drug overdose. What a waste of a life.
Desirée mostly ignores the exchanges between the intake staff-- who found her and under what type of condition, whether she had any ID or known medical history, if there was anyone to call for her, and the numerous rapid-fire questions that mortals always had in the face of impending death-- and edges closer to the gurney.
The woman’s eyes pop open, pupils blown pitch-black, almost swallowing the hazel of the irises. It’s as though she senses Desirée’s presence-- and that in itself is tragic enough. A hard life might have aged her prematurely in certain ways, but she couldn’t be a day over twenty-two.
“BP’s 210 over 120, heart rate’s 140 BPM, blood’s in the lab but she admits she took both crack and ecstasy tonight, and God knows what else might have been mixed in there. No ID but she was called in by another working girl who called her Tawny. Probably not her real name, though.” Behind her, the intake nurse is rattling off facts to the physician, whose nametag reads “Dr. Adam King” and whose eyes are blue and startlingly compassionate behind a pair of thin, wire-framed glasses. Desirée largely ignores the medical personnel buzzing around her like industrious bees, and bends over the woman.
“My name’s not really Tawny.” The voice is just a whisper, weak and raspy from ruined vocal cords. “It’s Samantha. Samantha Barringer. I’m twenty-one.”
“Samantha. I’m Adam. It’s nice to meet you.” Behind her, the doctor’s voice is soft, soothing and non-judgmental, as though the young woman just bumped into him in a coffee shop somewhere, rather than dying from a drug overdose in front of his very eyes. If nothing else, Desirée has to commend him for his bedside manner. It is undoubtedly the kindest that another human has been to this girl in a very long time.
The doctor goes to work-- futile work, certainly-- but it speaks to his work ethic and dedication that he does it, anyway. Desirée steps closer to the bed, smooths back the girl’s too-brassy hair away from her clammy forehead, being careful not to touch her skin. Even so, she can sense the burning heat emanating from it. The emergency room detoxification procedures are all in place now-- the doctor and his staff certainly works fast here-- but it won’t be enough in the end. Samantha seems to know, and though she’s intensely dehydrated, her body still has enough water to produce tears which mar the mascara on her eyelashes to a smudge of black underneath her dilated eyes. Underneath the thin hospital blanket, her limbs twitch spasmodically. Desirée lays a hand over one of Samantha’s, and it stills, the IV needle in that arm coming to a rest.
“I’m so tired,” Samantha murmurs, staring up at Desirée with her young-old face. “I’m scared. I don’t want it to hurt any more.”
“It won’t,” Desirée promises her. She feels a kinship-- something almost sisterly-- with Samantha, and it can mean only one thing, and that, more than anything else, saddens her. “I’ll be here for you, and you won’t ever be alone again.”
That much, at least, is true. Young mortal women lost in what was meant to be the prime of their lives would remain-- by their choice-- on Earth, to guide the passing of others so that it could be easier, gentler than their own. She knows that Samantha Barringer would be no more-- the drug-and-prostitution-ravaged remains would be interred in a cemetery somewhere with a headstone that said very little-- but the spirit of what she once was would stay behind. In as little as a few days, Desirée would see her as she was meant to look-- eternal, timelessly young again, in sinless white. Perhaps Samantha would stay here, or perhaps she’d wander off to another place. Hospitals were everywhere in this city-- ditto nursing homes, hospices, rehabilitation centers... Perhaps Samantha would even find her way into the dirty alleys of the city’s meanest streets that had been her home, and bring a light to the end of some very long, dark tunnels of the most forgotten mortals’ lives.
“I think you have the right of it there.” Kafziel’s voice is deep and tranquil, but for once, she’d been so lost in her own thoughts that she had not even sensed his approach. Perhaps-- perhaps had she been human, still, she would have jumped, or quailed. But instead, she turns, tilts her face up to meet Kafziel’s eyes, knowing that she can’t quite muster up a smile for him this time, knowing that he won’t mind.
“She’s so young.” Behind them, the activity by the hospital bed has sped up to a frenzy, machines beeping frenetic doom. “Life has been so unkind to her. She never had a chance.”
“No, she didn’t.” Kafziel doesn’t contradict her statement, and the softest of sighs crosses his lips. “It brings back the past for you.”
Desirée dips her head in the faintest of nods. A lifetime ago-- so many centuries. A man named Antoine with a fair face and a black heart, playing cards with her father. A lost wager, a hellish agreement. Desirée had been given to him, knowing little more than that he was wealthy and her father owed him a sum of money, and he’d seen her and deemed her a reasonable substitute for the debt.
The marriage had been almost pleasant at first. Antoine lavished her with the finest gowns and jewels, parading her around town like a favored pet on a golden tether. He complimented her beauty-- the gold of her hair, the gracefulness of her hands. If he was a bit rough with her in the bedchamber, it had been much as her mother had warned might be the case. “Not every man is a considerate husband, but if you please him well enough, you two can get on well enough.”
But she could never quite please him well enough. Laughing too freely, or gracing the servants with an undeserved smile. Bringing home a lost kitten. Disagreeing with him about politics. The first time he struck her, she’d been shocked-- not so much by the pain of his fist striking flesh, but by the vicious gleam in his eyes-- he’d wanted her to know that she would never be loved.
The last time, she’d been with child, conceived on a terrible night when Antoine had drunk himself into cruelty but not not unconsciousness. She’d been too scared to tell him, but the doctor-- impassive and pragmatically aware of who held the power and purse-strings in the household-- had been quick to congratulate the father-to-be. Antoine had raged at her, clearly forgetting his own transgressions of the past few months. The shove he’d given her had not even been particularly hard, but she’d lost her footing on the stairs. Even through the terror, the pain and blood, she’d felt a long-awaited relief.
A hand comes down on her bowed head, gentle and strangely familiar. “You were so young and lovely,” Kafziel murmurs, carding his elegant fingers through her hair for a long, breathless moment before stepping back, his eyes as bleak and haunted as her own. “I could have taken you with me, you know, but-- you had loved life, so much, before. All the things, great and small, on Earth. And had I taken you-- taken that from you, he would have won.”
“So here you are, now,” Desirée reaches up, covers the hand lingering by her face with her own. His skin doesn’t wither under her touch like a mortal’s. It feels pleasantly warm, like sunlight on a cold day, and all of the sudden, she’s not afraid, for once, about seeming over-familiar. “You wait for me, too. You’ve waited a long time.”
“You have found your peace, and perhaps some happiness again.” Kafziel smiles his fleeting, beautiful smile. “For that, I can wait some more.”
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Pamahiin || Aisha R.
"Pamahiin roughly translates to English as ‘folk superstition’. An unjustified yet widely held belief.”
My lolo had slept on a banig on the floor of a room filled to the brim with four grandchildren’s worth of stuffed toys, action figures, and school books. My lola slept on a bed right next to him in the same room, and when I asked him why he didn’t just sleep there—there was certainly plenty of space—he’d always tell me the floor was better for his back. More natural, or something. I just figured he had a personal vendetta against beds.
This is the same room he died in. Much to what I’m sure would’ve be his utter dismay, he didn’t die on his banig. Instead, at around six in the morning in my senior year of high school, he died on a hospital bed.
We bought the bed. We also bought several oxygen tanks, an IV stand, a wheelchair, something that functioned like a heart monitor, and a lot of different tubes for a lot of different things. In a room filled with toys and childhood keepsakes, we built him a hospital room. Thinking about the room and the sickening contrast between past and present and a future that was ending sent a sour pang through my chest. Like somebody had taken a metal bar and ran it across the bones of my ribcage. Xylophone sounds of guilt I couldn’t stand to hear every day.
To create silence, I pretended the room didn’t exist anymore.
It worked rather well until the morning Nanay had pulled me into the not-room. I was already dressed in my uniform, my bag weighing my shoulders down, when she told me to say something to Lolo before I left. Or before he did.
“Feeling ko malapit na,” she told me.
So I went. I barely looked at Lolo. He hadn’t been able to speak for months, by that point. He was more a corpse than anything. No more was the weird old dude who truly believed sleeping on the floor was more comfortable. Just a body we were keeping alive in a room I erased.
Not wanting to be rude, I forced myself to look at him, if only for a second. The eyes that looked back at me were murky and unseeing. Around us, various toys looked at me with the same kind of gaze.
“See you later, Lolo.” I said.
Unable to last any longer, I headed out of the room that didn’t exist and out of the house. Standing by the garden, I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting to leave for school.
A couple of seconds later, his heart stopped beating.
A little bit after that, I’m told what basically amounted to the fact that the last thing my lolo heard was my lie.
-
Now, the thing to focus on here shouldn't be his death, but the room. The not-room. The room I rendered gone. This was a neat superpower of mine; I could flip a switch in my brain and change what was and what wasn’t.
It all started with the spoon.
As a child, my lola taught me the intricacies of superstition. Don’t go bed with your hair wet, or you’ll go insane. Jump on new years, and maybe we can stop buying you Cherifer. If you drop your utensils, you will get a visitor. I found immense joy in these small magics of life, that one thing could cause another even if it didn’t make any sense. It didn’t have to. Afterall, with my superpower, I made it all true.
All I had to do was believe hard enough.
To the skeptics, I raise the fact that the galaxy revolved around the Earth because people believed it to be. The world was flat because people believed it to be. There’s somewhere we go after we die because we believe it’s real. We can rearrange the cosmos, shape planets, and live after life is over. If that wasn’t a superpower, I didn’t know what was.
One pathetic night at ten years old, I ate dinner alone. Everybody was busy or out or something and I was ten years old and alone. Petulantly, I threw my hand out, pushed my spoon off the the table, and watched it clatter to the floor. You will get a visitor.
I waited one second. Nothing.
Two. Still nothing.
Three, and something in my chest began to hurt. A bar dragged across my ribs, clanging around.
Four. The notes inside me said how dare you.
Five seconds in, I scrambled to the ground and picked the spoon up.
At the end of that night, nobody did come. My point here wasn’t that my superpower was bullshit, but instead that there was a caveat to it. I could believe in what I wanted, I could change my own reality and make things real or not-real, but the consequence to that power would always catch up.
A sound, a feeling, a something. Whatever it was, it always asked me the same thing: what have you done?
-
Twenty minutes after my lolo's heart stopped beating, we did end up leaving for school. My tito had taken us through the regular traffic that trickled Marikina into Katipunan Avenue, the normal slog of slow moving cars. Usually, the radio would quietly croon 70s and 80s music into the morning. 105.9 DZG-FM Mega Manila's first and only retro hit station—
On that day, nobody touched the radio. The rumble of the engine was the only sound to be heard.
In the passenger seat, my brother took a nap. Next to me, my younger sister had her earphones in, staring out the window, unmoving. I folded and unfolded the cuffs of my jacket over and over again until we arrived school and I clambered out of the car.
Class that day was almost hilariously uneventful. I returned a red pen to one of my classmates (I had lost all my own red pens). I took a Math final (I failed it very badly). I dry heaved into a toilet (the cuffs of my jacket were folded up). I put one leg in front ot the other, and kept walking, and nobody asked me anything. It was a normal day, and if it wasn’t, I told myself it was. I could rearrange planets, if I wanted. One day was child’s play.
In my gut, I didn’t feel the stirrings of mourning so much as the sound of a clinking spoon against the floor. Count the seconds now. How long until I caved? How long until the reality I crafted myself started to thrum with shame?
Lolo was my mom’s father, and Nanay had always been the type to get things done inordinately fast. After school, my sister and I were taken to a holding room in Loyola Memorial Park. There, everything was set up. Catering, relatives who were called from the province throughout the day, an army monobloc chairs, and of course, a coffin where Lolo now laid in. The only thing we were missing was one of those tarps all dead people seemed to have, but this was obviously a rush job.
“Maybe next time,” I joked to a couple of kittens I found under the table laden with food. There were two of them. A grey one and an orange one.
At around eight in the evening, we held a small mass in the holding room. Being a close family member, I got the front row seats. The priest was nice. He told jokes and had a voice that was made for condolences, and I enjoyed listening to him until he started the homily. His homily was about what I said to Lolo before his heart gave up. “See you later.” He went on for a long time about how he found it beautiful. Meanwhile, I wanted to go find a bathroom to try to vomit in again, but I stood my ground. I figured if I was going to have a reaction that strong, it would be because this was a wake. Not because of my lie. Not because of me. Somebody was dead, and all I could think about was myself. How dare you.
Shut the room closed and pretend it didn’t exist. My mind was no different. Obfuscate. Reroute. Distract. For the rest of the homily, I tuned out the voice of the priest and instead looked to the coffin.
I saw Lolo pretty clearly behind the glass. He looked off. In the middle of a solemn mass where I could hear my Lola crying, where, in my periphery, I saw my older sister’s tears fall to the floor, I almost laughed. I almost doubled over when I realized they put makeup on him. There was powder on his face. He had lip tint. My gut hurt from keeping it in. God, I thought. He would’ve fucking hated this.
When the mass was over, teary relatives filtered outside and began to eat. It’s amazing what food and company can do, because in roughly five minutes, all the tears were gone, replaced now by boisterous stories and loud conversation. Feeling a little safer, I told somebody about the makeup thing. When I’m met with laughter, I smile for the first time that entire day.
One by one, I watched everybody leave. They’d be back tomorrow. There’d be more people tomorrow. I sat by the food table, all the catering stuff cleared out and gone, and played with the kittens. They cuddled onto my lap, happy to have warmth and attention as I cooed over them.
It was at that moment, with my hands full of purring fluff, that I realized I hadn’t cried the entire day. While my hands moved over soft fur, I realized I hadn’t cried today because he didn’t die today. His heart stopped beating, but he was already dead for a long time. At least for me he was. At least I had created the story in my head to make it like he was. Here were the not-rooms and magic spoons and people who were dead before a doctor declared them dead. It’s one hell of a superpower. It’s one hell of a responsibility too, but I was sixteen and stupid and still counting down for the moment where I scramble for the spoon. To the sound of soft mews, I realized that the pin had dropped. Now it was a matter of when I’d pick it up.
The orange kitten pawed at the rolled down cuff of my jacket. Its claw dragged a faint line of red against my skin.
And I bled.
-
Now the worrying thing is that for the past month, I’ve been dreaming. This was an anomaly. My anxiety usually meant restless nights which usually meant that most of my dreams were lost to exhaustion. Dreams for me felt like something you needed to pull free from a strong undercurrent. It just so happened my grip has always been weak.
When I did dream, when I did remember them, it’s because instead of having to hold on, the dream clamped around my wrist, crawled up my arm, and wrapped itself around my neck. When I did dream, I woke up gasping. A slight change of semantics now; when I did dream, technically, it’s because they were always nightmares.
I preferred restless blurs any day, but for the past month, I haven’t been lucky.
The dreams vary slightly each and every time. Sometimes I was at school. I was at home. I was at the grocery store. I was at the Jollibee a minute walk away. Sometimes there’s somebody with me and sometimes I was alone. Sometimes there was rain. Sometimes there was fire.
But the constant was my teeth. No matter what happened, I always felt something shatter in my mouth. One by one, bloodied tooth shards came loose. They tumbled past my lips and into my shaking hands. When I thought all my teeth were gone, that finally, it’s done, it started all over again with new teeth breaking and coming apart. On one horrifying occasion, I pressed my hand to my mouth to to keep it shut. The teeth continued to break nonetheless and I felt them slide down my throat.
I woke up gasping.
Teeth falling out was a common enough recurring dream that the interpretations were limitless. If Freud was to be believed, these dreams either meant I needed to get laid soon or get off more. Others said that fear was taking control of my life, as if I didn’t know that already. My brother told me that maybe, I needed to see a dentist. I told him to fuck off.
“It means somebody is going to die,” Nanay told me over lunch. We were at a sushi place, and she popped a salmon sashimi into her mouth as if she didn’t just say the creepiest thing ever.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she said. Another salmon. “Pamahiin.”
“I’ve doomed us all, then.”
“You have to bite on aluminum,” Nanay pointed her chopsticks at me. “And then say ‘this will not happen’.”
I made a show of biting down on my fork (I could never get the hang of chopsticks) before releasing it. “This will not happen.”
“No, you have to say it while you’re biting down.”
“Theeehs will nohh hapehn?” I tried again, fork in my mouth. My younger sister started to laugh.
“And you have to do it as many times as you had the dream.”
“That’s—it’s been a month, that’s over twenty times! You’re messing with me!”
“I’m not! I’m your mother,” she faux gasped.
“You do know that that fork is made of steel, right?” Tatay said. My younger sister lost it, bending over and laughing like a loon.
When I got home, I googled the pamahiin. Various sources confirmed that Nanay wasn’t messing with me, but they did say that it wasn’t aluminum you had to bite on, but wood. Between a faceless blog page and my own mother, I decided to believe the one who could whack me in the head.
When everybody had fallen asleep, I went to the kitchen and tore off a small square of aluminum foil. I folded it, bit down, and said, “This will not happen. This will not happen. This will not happen.” My garbled, pleading litany.
That night, my teeth fell onto the floor of my dreamscape yet again.
Who would I use my superpower on next?
-
Almost midnight on the day Lolo’s heart stopped beating, it was finally time for us to leave. Nanay would stay behind; it was her job to keep watch. Vaguely, I remembered something about aswangs stealing dead bodies in the night. Good luck to whatever aswang dared go against her.
I pried Orange and Grey off of my hoodie, waved goodbye to Nanay, and sleepily climbed into the car with the rest of my family. Tired and weary, I watched the bright blurs of streetlights zoom past, looking forward to passing out in my bed.
But then instead of turning right onto J.P, Rizal after crossing the river, Tatay kept driving straight.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Somewhere.”
“Why?”
“Never go straight home after a wake,” he said. Ah. Right.
Which is how we ended up at a Ministop across Sta. Elena High School.
I idly walked through the aisles of the store, instinctually gravitating towards the candy section. As I looked upon a selection of Cadburys, I thought about whatever spirits that had hitched a ride with us doing the same. Would they like fruit and nut, or just plain chocolate? I thought, laughing a little to myself. Would they be pissed knowing of all places we left them, it was at a goddamn Ministop? I thought, imagining a Sadako like figure tapping her foot by the cashier.
Would they wonder why I didn’t cry at my own lolo’s wake? I thought, my laughter dying down. Would they wonder if I had feelings? I thought, my stomach began to sink. Would they wonder if I had a heart?
In this too-bright aisle, surrounded by sweets, the spirits we were brushing off, and the ghost I refused to even acknowledge, tears welled up in my eyes. They didn’t fall. I blinked them away before they could, but not before my rib cage rattled the dissonant notes of something terrible.
The funny thing was that this wasn’t because I suddenly accepted he died, as if there was something about the ambiance of a convenience store that hammered the point in. I accepted he died long before, but as tears threatened to spill past my eyes like dream teeth falling out of my mouth, like a spoon clattering to the ground, I realized that the glacial five seconds had finally passed. What have you done? I told myself a story so hard I believed it. How dare you? I switched mourning for safety. What is the price you’ll pay? It’ll follow me home. It’ll follow me everywhere.
“Are you going to get anything?” Tatay asked, pulling me out of my haze. “Cadbury?”
“Nah,” I told him. My eyes were expertly clear when I looked at him, but he didn’t look convinced. “Are we going now?”
“Yeah,” he said. So we all walked out, a bunch of assholes who loitered in a convenience store without buying anything, and got into the car.
In the rearview mirror, I watched the Ministop get smaller and smaller til we finally turned on the road going home. We were safe now. No more spirits
Nobody touched the radio. The rumble of the engine was the only sound to be heard. In my head, I heard a something more. I’m bringing something home with me, I thought, listening to the tiny little clangs. Something was playing my bones, and it sounded like shame.
I shut my eyes, laid my head against the window, and pretended I didn’t hear it at all.
#written for the memoir submission for my nonfiction class#this piece could totally improve on things like cohesion and flow but for now. this is it.#death cw#non fic
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1-150, I'm a nice person I swear
Under the cut bc Amber is a major Niaomi :)
people tagged in this post im too lazy to search through 150 questions to find the question i tagged you in sorry @fadepixels @grumpysimmies @imsysimsy @backstreetsims
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - 2. Are you outgoing or shy? - shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - Ambs in 4 years4. Are you easy to get along with?- I would like to think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - No bc its JP and JA and MC6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - the living kind7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - lol no8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - JP JA MC9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?- No10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Ambs 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - Squeak Quacks12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?- Slim Shady , Puppy Dog Eyes, Bad Intentions, Not My Day, Coming Over, All Time Low13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - YUS14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?- Eh not really. 15. What good thing happened this summer? - Ehm well Summer of 2k16 I cliff jumped16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - I haven’t kissed anybody 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - Yus18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - Nupe19. Do you like bubble baths? - Yus and Nupe20. Do you like your neighbors? - Nupe21. What are you bad habits? - Nail Biting, Staying up until 7 am, thinking myself into bad moods and more depressing shit we can’t mention here. 22. Where would you like to travel? - UK, Bora Bora, Australia23. Do you have trust issues? - Yus (thx mom) 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - Sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - All of it26. What do you do when you wake up? - Go back to sleep27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - Darker28. Who are you most comfortable around? - Ambs29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - wuts an ex, ive never had such thing30. Do you ever want to get married? - eh maybe31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - Lol yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? CAN WE MAKE it A FOURSOME BC BABEEEE but if I only had to choose 2, JP and JA, Misha is too pure ;-; 33. Spell your name with your chin. jnoirdcyhn (close enough)34. Do you play sports? What sports? - How fast can I type35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV, but what about SPN ;-;36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?-Yus37. What do you say during awkward silences?- Do you like tacos38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - A living person39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?- EA and I don’t really shop 40. What do you want to do after high school? - Drag SOMEONE from UK and bring them here and have a house with them and take them to do American things ;-; 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yus42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - That I don’t want to talk43. Do you smile at strangers? - Yes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - Outer Space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - My non stop screaming father46. What are you paranoid about? - Everything47. Have you ever been high? - Nupe48. Have you ever been drunk? - Nupe49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - Nupe50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? - All the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - Self Esteem53. Favourite makeup brand? - lol whats a makeup54. Favourite store? - See above somewhere55. Favourite blog? - I don’t really have one56. Favourite colour? - Don’t have one57. Favourite food? - Pizza58. Last thing you ate? - tuna sandwhich59. First thing you ate this morning? - tuna sandwhich60. Ever won a competition? For what? - For being the most61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - almost got suspended for cheating (IT WAS ONCE AND NOT A BIG DEAL) 62. Been arrested? For what? - no63. Ever been in love? - nu64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - Never had one 65. Are you hungry right now? - Always66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - Tumblr Friends are Real Friends67. Facebook or Twitter? - Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? - Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? - Nue70. Names of your bestfriends? Ambs, Britt, Asia, Rosa, 71. Craving something? What? - Sleep72. What colour are your towels? - Mutli ( ihave a lot of towerls) 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Two73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - Nupe but I have them on my shelf 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - 4 or 5 75. Favourite animal? - CATS76. What colour is your underwear? - Pink77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - Neither78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - Ew79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - Purple ish80. What colour pants? - Blue81. Favourite tv show? - SPN or Greys82. Favourite movie? - MBV3D or Ten Inch Hero83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - Damian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - Dory87. First person you talked to today? - Ambs88. Last person you talked to today?- Ambs89. Name a person you hate? - Ambs90. Name a person you love? - Ambs91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Ambs92. In a fight with someone? - ambs93. How many sweatpants do you have? - 294. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - 4?95. Last movie you watched? - 96. Favourite actress? dont get me started on this one97. Favourite actor? DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS ONE98. Do you tan a lot? - No whats tanning r u trying to get cancer99. Have any pets? - Ya 7 plus kittens 100. How are you feeling? - Sick af 101. Do you type fast? - Yus102. Do you regret anything from your past? - Yus103. Can you spell well? - Nu104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - yus105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - no106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - i think so107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yus108. What should you be doing? - school work109. Is something irritating you right now? - my sister110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - nu111. Do you have trust issues? - yus112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - i forget who 113. What was your childhood nickname? - rosebud 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yus115. Do you play the Wii? - yus116. Are you listening to music right now? - yus117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? - yus118. Do you like Chinese food? - HOLY HELL YESS119. Favourite book? - i dont have one120. Are you afraid of the dark? - a little121. Are you mean? - yus122. Is cheating ever okay? - hell no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - no 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - no125. Do you believe in true love? - yus126. Are you currently bored? - yus 127. What makes you happy? - things128. Would you change your name? - no129. What your zodiac sign? - aries and cancer ( i did 2 different thingies) 130. Do you like subway? - YUS131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - idk ppl of the opposite sex so idk 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - THIS WAS ALREADY ANSWERED133. Favourite lyrics right now? - trying a mind blank134. Can you count to one million? - nu135. Dumbest lie you ever told? - im sleeping when im not really sleeping136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed137. How tall are you? - 5′4138. Curly or Straight hair? - straight139. Brunette or Blonde? - brunette140. Summer or Winter? - summer141. Night or Day? - night142. Favourite month? - April (MU BIRTH MONTH)143. Are you a vegetarian? - Vegan144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? - n e i t h e r shit is nasty145. Tea or Coffee? - BOTH AF146. Was today a good day? - i guess147. Mars or Snickers? - tf is a mars148. What’s your favourite quote? - too sick to tell you 149. Do you believe in ghosts? - Yus150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “ hELL nO”
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1-69 >:3
i had to turn on my laptop just to copy/paste this all. im putting it under a cut to spare any innocent followers
also you cheeky fuck lol
1. What’s your darkest kink?
completely being dominated. few get the chance or the honor tho
2. How many people have you had sex with?
one. we were together for a long while so i never got the chance.
i might be changing that before long
3. What the most times you’ve ever orgasmed in one night?
i honestly dont know but this did remind me of an embarrassing story lol
4. What’s your favorite sex position?
it really depends on my mood :3
5. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.
i was drunk, in a mood all day, and accidentally gave a hickey above the collar. his boss gave him shit for it but he couldn’t get me back cause he cant give them (which is a shame)
6. Have you ever had a one night stand?
never had the chance
7. Describe your most desired fantasy.
see #1
8. Describe your darkest fantasy.
see #7
9. What’s your sexiest feature?
ive been told i have a really nice ass
10. Have you ever been to a strip club?
most the decent ones around here you have to be 21, i hear. they dont really seem like my scene tho
11. Where’s the best place to have sex?
where the mood strikes. just lock the doors
12. Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
the living room. in my defense, there were at least 2 other ppl in the house, and it had a walk-in policy. there was a decent risk of someone showing up
but this did lead to an amusing conversation that went something like “what if your dad walks in?” “then ill sit up and say ‘dad im busy, get out!’”
13. Where would you like to have sex, but haven’t yet?
location isnt a big thing for me
14. If you could have sex with one celebrity, who would it be?
ive never really had celeb crushes. i identified as ace until not long ago (im open to giving chances, but im picky about who ill show interest in first)
15. What sounds do you make during sex?
oh, golly. depends how much fun im having
but its not that breathy-ass shit in porn
16. Are you loud during sex?
see #15
17. Describe the outfit you feel sexiest in.
do partial ones count? i like just not having a shirt. cargo pants, skinny jeans, whatever. just without a top.
18. What’s your favorite punishment?
never been punished. ex was a puss lol
19. What’s your favorite position for spanking?
never really had positions for it. i like being grabbed more
20. Do you like to have/leave marks?
yes
21. What’s your favorite thing to clamp nipples with?
never done that
22. How long have you denied/or been denied an orgasm?
0 seconds
23. Have you ever had sex in a “dungeon”?
nope
24. Are you into bondage?
mmmyeah
25. What is your favorite thing to do for aftercare?
never really been in the scene enough to know much about that
26. What’s your favorite thing to tie up or be tied up with?
ive only used cuffs & ties. i liked the latter better
27. Are you a Dom or a Sub? Would you ever consider being a switch?
im a sub but if im in a really big mood i can switch
its a strong expression of desire not to be taken for granted
28. Do you prefer gags or blindfolds?
never used either but blindfolds might be cool
29. Have you ever had a threesome?
no despite a long ass time with someone who wanted nothing more and wouldnt shut up until i put my foot down that i wasnt comfortable with that unless i had gotten close to the other person one-on-one first
30. How often do you masturbate?
maybe like once a month?? but tat was when sex was readily available. id much prefer the real thing
31. What’s your favorite thing to masturbate to?
just whatever does it that time
32. What’s your favorite kind of porn?
i dont rlly watch enough to have a fave
33. What’s your favorite porn website?
dont have one
34. Who’s your favorite porn star?
same as above
35. Would you ever consider doing porn?
it really depends on specific context
36. At what age did you start masturbating?
lmao 18
37. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
nope
38. Have you ever masturbated to a ridiculous video or story then thought “what the fuck did I just do?“
…
39. Phone sex or Camming?
never done either but im not big on taking care of myself for someone else
40. Do you believe in aphrodisiacs?
i havent read enough on them. ig if theres food that can help you be less depressed, there could be food that helps ur libido
41. What’s you biggest turn on?
biting around/on my hips/waist
42. What’s your strangest turn on?
probably the same thing, considering im not into oral and otherwise having a head down there bothers me
43. What’s your favorite sex toy?
i have none
44. Do you prefer your sexual partner to be older than you, or younger?
idc if theyre a little older/younger, as long as theyre close to my age
45. Have you ever broken up with someone because the sex was bad?
no but id totally tell an ex that to piss em off cause im a petty fuck
46. Have you ever posted nudes on tumblr?
nope. ive thought about doing the topless tuesday but ehh
47. What’s your favorite sex blog? (I’m sure it’s his-precious-kitten…but on the odd chance that it’s not…)
not really into those things
48. What’s your favorite pet name?
not necessarily a sex thing, but anything that feels strong like “darling,” “my love”
49. Do you prefer vaginal sex or anal?
never tried full-on anal but what i did try hurt too much to feel good
50. Do you prefer pussies all natural, bald, triangle, landing strip…?
whatever shes into and feels confident with mayn
51. What song would you most like to have sex to?
i like those with the feeling i get (not traditional ones) but this reminded me one time we were getting busy, youtube playlist going, next song came on and it was bring me to life and when i looked up, it wasnt like a lyric video or the official one but fucking luigi and i almost died then and there
52. Have you ever had shower sex?
yes. it was difficult but fun
53. At what time of day are you the horniest?
i dont have a time of day but i accidentally went off my birth control for a bit and in the proceeding week i could barely function. ive been telling myself that was the reason.
54. Girls: What is your bra size?
34b, perfect hand size. sometimes they just make good rests to just hold
55. Girls: Describe your favorite pair of panties.
theyre a teal with a darker blue lace. the back kinda has a sheer part that reminds me of stain glass windows??
56. Girls: Do you ever go out not wearing panties?
nah not into that thing. you could tell me something is meant to be worn without and id be like “nah fuck that”
57. Girls: Can you get off from clit stimulation alone?
ig?? but whats the fun in that??
58. Girls: Can you get off from penetration alone?
who would do that
59. Girls: Do you use birth control or condoms?
i prefer both because i would not be able to handle nine months sober followed by hours of excruciating pain. or getting stds.
60. Girls: What’s the strangest thing that’s ever been inside your pussy?
just a marker. im not lookin to fuck myself up
but my ex is a major whovian with several sonic screwdrivers and at one point he made a joke to which i responded “if you wanted to use that on me you shouldve said something” which made everyone freak out lol
61. Girls: Do you spit or swallow?
never sucked. always had a rise of anxiety prior
62. Subs: Would you rather have a Master, a Dom, or a Daddy Dom?
idk if theres that much a difference between the first two but if i so much as hear an utterance of “daddy” i instantly become dry as the sahara
63. Littles: Describe your favorite stuffie.
n/a
64. Boys: What is your penis size?
n/a
65. Boys: Are you circumcised?
n/a
66. Boys: Do you prefer having sex without a condom?
n/a
67. Boys: Do you prefer oral or vaginal sex?
n/a
68. Doms: Do you believe in aftercare?
n/a
69. Doms: Would you rather own a slave, a sub, or a little?
n/a
lord this took forever i hope ur happy lol
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In this episode of The Soul.Papo.In.Cogneto podcast I go into the headlines and lesser known or talked about articles from the past few weeks. So since I skipped last week with a soul Papo sessions, this one is extra juicy. Like Doja Cat As always you can reach me @soulpapo on most social media’s. And you can always become a producer of the show by visiting https://www.patreon.com/soulpapo or cashapp! God bless y’all #iCame https://soundcloud.com/arizonasoulpodcast/the-spic-podcast-ep83-florida-f-ery
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/02/766454839/amber-guyger-ex-officer-who-killed-man-in-his-apartment-given-10-years-in-prison
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/03/766866875/brandt-jeans-act-of-grace-toward-his-brother-s-killer-sparks-a-debate-over-forgi
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49885833
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/virginia-doctor-who-prescribed-more-500-000-opioid-doses-sentenced-n1062136
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/15-year-old-died-protecting-family-home-5-year-old-n1060656
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/florida-woman-consumed-columbine-oklahoma-city-arrested-two-dozen-pipe-n1062491
https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-drives-car-into-tree-after-telling-four-kids-to-remove-seat-belts-the-devil-cant-hurt-you
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49924581 https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/6-year-old-boy-arizona-dies-after-father-tries-perform-n1060711
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fiske-elementary-school-chicago-accused-of-kicking-9-year-old-out-into-the-cold-reporting-him-missing-lawsuit/
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/man-sues-fertility-clinic-for-more-than-5-million-after-discovering-he-has-17-additional-children/
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/01/730386096/federal-judge-rules-in-favor-of-harvard-in-admissions-case
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/bernie-sanders-78-canceled-events-notice-hospitalized/story?id=66003850
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/02/766083651/gandhi-is-deeply-revered-but-his-attitudes-on-race-and-sex-are-under-scrutiny
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mahatma-gandhi-ashes-stolen-portrait-defaced-india-150th-birthday-lawmaker-says-today-2019-10-04/
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/04/767107796/at-least-42-dead-after-days-of-violent-protests-in-iraq
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ne84pd/ive-never-been-professionally-lonelier-than-i-was-at-a-wework
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/universal-basic-income-data-show-how-people-spent-the-500-a-month-they-got-for-free/
https://www.forbes.com/sites/danielreed/2019/10/02/youve-got-365-days-to-get-a-new-different-better-id-if-you-want-to-board-a-flight-and-go-somewhere/#70a4d32c727d
https://www.npr.org/2019/09/30/765699885/nothing-lasts-forever-21-discovers-another-clothing-chain-files-for-bankruptcy
https://www.slashfilm.com/samuel-l-jackson-alexa/
https://www.wired.com/story/google-maps-incognito-mode/
https://www.gamesradar.com/wendys-the-fast-food-place-has-a-tabletop-rpg-where-frozen-beef-is-the-enemy/
https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2019/10/3/20897496/my-little-pony-magic-the-gathering-crossover-cards-extra-life-charity
https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/04/health/paralyzed-man-robotic-suit-intl-scli/index.html
https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1180261/oumuamua-news-new-scientist-live-space-aliens-anomaly-nasa-esa-latest
https://phys.org/news/2019-09-planet-primodial-black-hole.html
first ever image of the cosmic web reveals the gassy highway that connects the universe https://www.livescience.com/cosmic-web-hydrogen-filament-photo.html
https://www.aol.com/article/news/2019/10/03/twin-birth-rate-at-lowest-level-in-decade-and-thats-a-good-thing-doctors-say/23826054/?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly9uZXdzLmdvb2dsZS5jb20v&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANku8FK4wqGQbRrewUDqPC9yOl1Jb1_E-3vkqlSZ9sF4RqS92h_ZxVQqulV9lQGC9u_sGGQPp2MKth3h-Klg33Bykd53LVVfw3jKJsPxpgzIFf8F2QajGTSgNUlHS_1hiHrmPmhXgHK9lwBRz6Wo11SBtCkr-3F1k1hrnCl6IXV5
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/drug-overdose-deaths-10-people-die-in-26-hours-franklin-county-ohio/
https://nypost.com/2019/10/01/16-students-hospitalized-after-they-were-mistakenly-given-insulin-shots-at-school/
october is national breast cancer awareness month https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/health-news/october-is-national-breast-cancer-awareness-month/sl-AAIfrl4
mathew “beyonce daddy” knowles is battling breast cancer https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/beyonc-dad-mathew-knowles-breast-195819218.html
https://www.aol.com/article/entertainment/2019/10/02/angelina-jolie-felt-brad-pitt-pressured-her-to-get-married/23825380/ . https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/celebrity/clueless-actress-stacey-dash-arrested-domestic-battery-charge-florida-n1060396
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/robert-de-niro-sued-gender-
https://hollywoodlife.com/2019/10/04/justin-bieber-disses-peta-kittens-cats-message/
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Is there a price auto-insurance difference between a 2 door and 4 door Honda Civic?
Is there a price auto-insurance difference between a 2 door and 4 door Honda Civic?
Is there a price auto-insurance difference between a 2 door and 4 door Honda Civic?
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :car4insure.xyz
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The puppies are gone. It’s just us now.
Well, us and four dogs.
And Hermoine.
And the horses.
And a few visiting cousins.
And two foster kittens.
What?
Yes, it’s true. I have finally realized my daughter’s dream and volunteered to foster two kittens for OPH’s tiny (but mighty) cat adoption program.
Superwoman Kendra has been leading this program and housing many of the cats and kittens in her home. Some of the cats have come from a local ‘cat colony’ (did you know that was a thing?). The adults she traps, has spayed/neutered and releases, but the kittens are kept to be socialized and eventually adopted.
And what better place to socialize a kitten then my crazy house?
Ian was completely on board with this. Ever since we lost his red tabby cat, Hagrid (Hermoine’s best bud) and then Crash (my best bud), he’s longed for another cat (no, we are not foster-failing, you should know by now that adopting our fosters is possibly the only thing I can say no too). I’ve put off his request worried that Hermoine might react badly to a new cat (Crash’s arrival was the day she began peeing in the basement).
Anyway, Ian agreed that yes, whenever he is home (which admittedly since it is swim season is not often), he will be socializing kittens. Plus, he seems to have a cadre of friends who are also up for the task.
Since there’s never a good time to start fostering kittens, Thanksgiving week seemed perfect. Plenty of people and stress already filling the house.
Ian and I set off early Wednesday morning to meet Kendra in Harrisburg for the exchange. Since Ian is still 40 hours short of this driving hours to get his license, it was the perfect opportunity to raise my blood pressure give him a chance to drive on Interstate 83. And what better day than the busiest traffic day of the year? (in all honesty, he did really well especially considering the mess on 83 North)
The two kittens are five-months-old, already spayed, micro-chipped, and up-to-date on shots (thanks to Chris Hunsinger at Shrewsbury Vet!). What they aren’t (yet) is happy and friendly. This is where we come in. Commence Operation Make-them-nice-kitties.
Opal is definitely not on board with these plans yet, but Phyllis is open to the idea. When we stopped off at the vet’s office for their rabies shot, Phyllis was very cooperative but nervous. Then we took Opal out to be weighed; she shot across the room and then straight up a wall. We attempted to calm her, but ultimately, the cat whisperer had to come and catch her by the scruff of her neck. She shushed her long enough to be weighed and then deposited her back in her carrier. I took note.
We’ve set the kitties up in the puppy room until the next puppies arrive. Basically, they are living in a large crate condo. We didn’t have cat toys, but we’ve improvised and hung leftover, scraggly puppy toys from the ceiling and put my puppy stool inside to create a little cave to hide inside. I’m sure their digs will get better as we figure out what they need.
So far, we’ve mostly just watched them settle in. Phyllis likes to climb the walls like a monkey and Opal mostly hunkers down in the makeshift cave and watches. I have to say they are pretty kitties.
The next few days they will be inundated with well-intentioned young adults – my kids, their friends, plus cousins from Ohio. I’m hopeful they will make progress because I have very little idea what to do next. If they were puppies I would cuddle them and ply them with treats, but I don’t think they’ll take well to cuddling and I have no treats, just kibble. Maybe I’ll buy them some tuna.
This feels very much like when we brought home our first foster dog, Galina. We have no idea what we’re doing, but we’re super excited to do it.
When these babies are ready for adoption, I’ll be sure to let you know. Meanwhile, if you’re in the market for a cat, OPH has some beauties available through petfinder here.
Oh yeah…..this blog is about the dogs!
The puppies got adopted!
Dixie goes for her spay and heartworm test this Tuesday – fingers crossed she is negative. If she is, she can go home a few days later!
Oreo still has no adopter. But we’re okay with waiting since he’s such a delight to have around. If you’d like to meet him in person, he’ll be my date for Photos with Santa and Wine Tasting at Linganore Wine Cellars on Saturday Dec 1! I’d love to share a glass of wine with you to celebrate the start of the holiday season! Bring your pup out for a classic photo!
Now, BIG FAVOR to ask. Okay, actually it’s not that big. I’ve written a short piece about one of the dogs I met on my book tour and who subsequently came to OPH and then was adopted. She is the perfect example of why I am a part of this organization.
I’ve entered the story in the My Giving Story contest (funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation). It could win up to 10K for OPH. But first it has to make the finals. The finalists are decided by votes. On Facebook.
So here’s what I need you to do today and every day until December 7 when voting ends….click the link below (and then save the link) and vote for Together We Rescue. You’ll be asked for your email address, but I have been assured this is only for verification purposes and then they may send you one email announcing the winners. They promise they won’t sell it or spam you – so, no risk.
I didn’t learn of this contest until the middle of the month, so we’re way behind in the voting by now and could really use your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And tell any other dog lovers you know. That money could help us save a lot more dogs!
Click here to vote!
Remember you can vote EVERY day until December 7!
Thanks for reading!
If you’d like to know more about my blogs and books, visit CaraWrites.com or subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter (which is rarely monthly, but I’m working at it…everybody needs a goal).
If you’d like to know more about the book, Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs, check AnotherGoodDog.org, where you can find more pictures of the dogs from the book (and some of their happily-ever-after stories), information on fostering, the schedule of signings, and what you can do right now to help shelter animals! You can also do some holiday shopping that benefits shelter dogs or get your own signed copy of the book!
If you’d like to know how you can volunteer, foster, adopt or donate with OPH, click here. And if you’d like more pictures and videos of my foster dogs past and present, be sure to join the Another Good Dog facebook group.
I love hearing from readers, so please feel free to comment here on the blog, email [email protected] or connect with me on Facebook, twitter, or Instagram.
Best,
Cara
Released August 2018 from Pegasus Books and available now
Oh yes, it's happened.... #fosterkittens #letthenonsensebegin @operationpawsforhomes The puppies are gone. It’s just us now. Well, us and four dogs. And Hermoine. And the horses.
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