#can you tell im coping really hard rn

[ffsg0jo]

technically gojo did win. through his students that he mentored, killing the higher ups AND finally being able to meet suguru again in the afterlife.

he knows his students are strong and can defeat sukuna. and his body is no longer important to him because his soul has been set free and can now rest with suguru (in hell).

six eyes was only ever a bother to him anyways, limitless caged him and made him untouchable. his soul, the only part of him that was truly touched by his one and only is now free to be just satoru.

in his mind the only person who truly understood him/would've truly mourned him was dead anyway, so what importance is a body?

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

[voxxian]

i hope voltron makes a comeback

[doromoni]

Not Over the Papaya | OP81

⊹ ���•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader

Genre : Fluff Smau

A/N : I missed you all 🥺. Again I’m sorry this update took way too long~ Thank you for the people who wished me better (really, ily) . I’m devastated with the news about Logan 😭 poor boy just needed his confidence back I swear.

Face claim : Jennie Kim

Warnings : Cursing, Grammatical Errors

Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

< Previous | Part 8 | Next >

f1wags

f1wags Y/N in the paddock! Welcome back Queen 👑

user1 She’s finally here 😭 We missed you Y/N!!

user2 She’s literally glowing , Oscar’s so lucky!

user3 Are they dating? I thought she was with Lando??

user4 Girl were where you? A LOT has gone down 🙂‍↕️.

user5 Honey let me catch u up. Lando cheated on Y/N with her friend during the winter break. Lando then posted a breakup post stating that the breakup was on both sides and they parted on good terms which Y/N has denied (it was MESSY). Then Oscar and Lily was rumored to have split (they did, Oscar later posted a shady breakup post; Lily was allegedly cheating). Then Y/N and Oscar started hanging out (sometimes with Logan). + After Oscar’s win in Hungary — He was then spotted in America for Y/N’s show the day after. Then they were spotted several times together after and they are now allegedly dating (not yet confirmed).

user3 WHAT.

user4 MESSY RIGHT?!!

user3 Is Lando still with Y/N’s friend??

user5 She’s also in the paddock rn 🤡

user3 wtf?? the audacity??

user6 lando FUMBLED so bad. SO BAD.

user7 Literally not thinking straight. I swear Lando.

oscarpiastri 5 min

story replies

Y/N. I guess soft launches aren’t our thing , Ok understood 🙂‍↕️

oscarpiastri Its not launching if we aren’t officially a thing yet, dear 🫶

Y/N. Oh right!! were only friends babe ����

oscarpiastri best of friends, Luv 😘.

Y/N. Ur so annoying , I love you 🙄. Have fun w/ ur interviews

oscarpiastri Thanks dear, Love you more!

charles_leclerc is this a hard launch 👀

oscarpiastri I don’t know, is it??😇

charles_leclerc don’t be smart with me boy . I didnt raise you like this

oscarpiastri you didn’t raise me at all! you were too busy flirting with the dutch boi .

charles_leclerc I—

oscarpiastri you are silenced old man

danielricciardo oi seat stealer, please tell Y/N to answer my messages. She keeps inboxing my messages! I need my cowboy hats 😩

oscarpiastri i prefer to call myself a mental health saver. I guided you back to Red Bull 🤓☝️

danielricciardo And got me my contract money 🤑. Back to the topic! come on pls tell Y/N! she promised me a cowboy hat from florida. pls pls pls

oscarpiastri Its in our luggage, calm down.

danielricciardo Damn “OUR” luggage. I still can’t believe you pulled Y/N from him. Cheers to you mate

oscarpiastri boi you still hold grudges with Lando huh.

danielricciardo him and the entire team can burnn 😀. Im saying this again, mate… watch your back.

oscarpiastri I know danny, you’ve warned me hundreds of times.

landonorris You little shit. You really brought Y/N here. You have the fucking balls huh

oscarpiastri I did, I do . What’s it to you?

landonorris You’ll regret this Oscar.

oscarpiastri Try me.

landonorris I’ll get her back.

oscarpiastri lmao sure you do.

Y/N. 3 min

story replies

oscarpiastri oh hello self! nice seeing you here

Y/N. He’s cute right? Such a pookie

oscarpiastri I’ve seen better 🤷‍��️

Y/N. Really?? I haven’t. He’s the cutest to me 🥰🥰🥰

oscarpiastri So i assume that we’re ok with posting each other then 🫣

Y/N. Hell yeah! I ain’t hiding you boi. Ur mine.

oscarpiastri Possessive… i like it

Y/N. oh you’re FREAKY.

Y/bf. And Oscar has made the public ig 🥳

Y/N. I assume u approve of Osc then

Y/bf. Out of everyone you’ve dated he’s the most decent

Y/N. Decent 😖

Y/bf. That’s a COMPLIMENT

danielricciardo OI Y/N! don’t ignore my messages!

danielricciardo MY HAT WOMAN! MY HAT

Y/N. OK CHILL! I have it you crazy aussie. Osc will give it to you tomorrow before FP1.

danielricciardo Thank you 😇.

*Incoming call from Norris

Pick up or Decline

Pick up

“Hello?”

“We need to talk. Now”

“I didn’t unblock your number so you could disrespect me”

“I’m sorry… Can we talk in person?”

landonorris 1 min

*messages are disabled

Series Taglist : @champagneproblems17 @itsjustfranzi @cheriwritesig @forza-charles @awritingtree @sltwins @gr1mes-cc @hwalllllllelujah @btsfluffsworld @tillyt04 @landotd @booksandflowrs @czennieszn @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @alittlechaotics-blog @bingussthirdtoe @mirrorball-6 @demandealalune @heartsforleclerc @yoongi-holland @maneskin-slave @alenix @forensicheart @bloodyymaryyy @stereading @hahahjej @youre-on-your-ownkid : closed

Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now

[hipsdofangirl]

and when i’m back in chicago..

seokmin x reader

summary: what it could have been

genre: meet-cute, idol au, kind of melancholic ending

notes: reader and dk are iphone users, reader is a svt fan and has anxiety lol

a/n 1: DAWG IM BAWLING RN I WAS 30 FT AWAY FROM HIM AT THE BEAN GETTING INTO MY UBER AND I MISSED HIM GRRRRAAAHHH MY FCKING ULTIMATE BIAS so this is me coping and telling my experience with what i wish could have been 🙄

wc: 1.4K

not proofread

1:58 pm CST

“oh my god! the bean is not under any construction anymore!” you point out, able to discern the article text under the glaring sun.

your friend nods, tired from the lack of food and wandering around in clothes not accustomed for the 60 degree temperature. you still were high on energy, the city and sunny autumn weather fueling your excitement; along with the anxiety fueling your flight response.

you sling your phone in your pant pocket as your other palm sweats against your sling bag—one you’ve been gripping ever since you entered the large city in fear of being pickpocketed. you pick up your pace absentmindedly as your friend trudges behind you.

you glance back at them. “since it’s a major tourist spot, no doubt they will have food.”

you could imagine a cartoon-ish sigh of relief exude from them as their own pace slightly picks up.

the gardens slowly wade behind you as you trudge through them, searching for any sign of a enormous metal bean. sweat glues your shirt to your back as your fingers trail against the leather portion of your bag.

after walking on a curved path beside the pavilion, your eyes blank out on the promised free bean. you've seen it before—a long time ago—but your friend has never seen the iconic tourist attraction.

although some conditions weren’t in your favor, you hoped they could at least enjoy seeing some things not everyone gets to. their immediate attention goes to the overpriced food trucks right beside it; however, knowing that both of you haven’t ate in 6 hours means money didn’t mean a thing.

they pat your shoulder. “i’m going to get a hot dog and a water, you want anything?” you shake your head, too entranced with the surroundings of everyone interacting.

“i’m fine—thank you though. i’ll be on the bench over there,” you reply wistfully.

your friend pretends to understand and strolls quickly to the nearest truck. in the meantime, you stand alone on the burning concrete sidewalk, enjoying the scenery.

the air seemed fresh next to the gardens, with the trees colliding alongside the massive skyscrapers, reaching to the clouds past the sky.

“ah—pardon me?” a man under a black hoodie jump-scares you, face flinching in response; your hands absentmindedly clasps your belongings.

you take a brief look at the tall tan man as he himself jumps a bit at your own response.

you chuckle before a light laugh escapes. “sorry! you scared me—is there anything i can help you with?”

he pauses. you discern his previously concerned eyes—the only part of his face you can see—as they focus on the ground before darting back up to meet yours once again. his eyes disappear behind a crinkle, forming smiles of their own you imagine.

he waves his hands, phone in one. “no no! i am sorry,” you can hear an accent, “i took picture of you—“

your brows furrow, lips pursing; he catches on immediately.

“oh um—“ he mutters something in another language which you can recognize as korean, “you looked really pretty.” your face turns hard pink and you hope he only believes it’s from the heat. “and the sun looked pretty and i had to take a photo, but i want your…support for it?”

it was obvious he wasn’t even sure of himself; the hands flailing from you to the sun and back to you says it all. you slowly nod, trying to understand his words. you glance to his eyes, searching for any soul behind them; that soul digs into your own for something sincere that you can’t quite place yet.

the world just seems to encapsulate you two as you can hear light scratching of his fingernails against his phone case, tugging your attention away to the new source. you can feel his gaze linger on your skin before he follows your gaze.

he almost yelps, “oh! here!” he scrambles to open his phone. as easy as it was to open a previously opened app, you linger yourself on his hands, seemingly red and scratchy.

you don’t even notice people briskly walking past you, staring in your direction; you don’t even notice another man, yet older and in all black clothing, walk over to the backside of the man you are talking to.

his phone is brazenly shoved into your face, forcing you to realize how close he has gotten to your right side. you could feel his quick breathing and additional warmth radiating from him; you wonder if you seemed to be the creep between the both of you. the blush returns as you force yourself to stand still. you look down to what he is showing you.

it’s a picture of you. where you were standing. he was right. the afternoon sun glow shined beside you onto the camera perfectly. the trees colliding alongside the massive skyscrapers, reaching to the clouds past the sky.

you swallow, noting your dry mouth. “wow—that’s. that’s really good.”

“right?” he isn’t looking at the photo anymore. he is slightly bending down, so you are able to meet his eyes as equals. he suddenly cuddles into his black jacket a bit more. “you like?”

you swallow again, “mhm! it’s amazing. candids really are something.” you mentally hit yourself with the stupidest remark.

he chuckles. “give me your phone.” your eyes widen. he chuckles again a bit louder but only audible to yourselves. “so you have the photo?”

your mouth opens and his eyes close in cheer. you fiddle through your pant’s side pocket to fish out your phone. once it resides in your palm and faces him for the next set of instructions, he tugs down the top and presses on the bluetooth icon.

you glance over at him as he adjusts his settings—confirming your suspicion that he did speak korean. he then lightly tugs your wrist, facing your phone towards him. he presses the phones together and you observe as the picture airdrops to your phone.

“oh my god..” you whisper. he chuckles, breath hitting your cheeks somehow through his mask. “i didn’t know it could do that—airdrop can be tricky for me.”

he hums in response. he glances briefly at the corners of your cheeks. “only for us.”

you look back up at him with a smile. “oh for sure! thank you so much!”

he waves and nods his head. “have a good day.”

the man behind him tugs his sweatshirt and they begin to quickly stroll away. not before he glances back at you and waves shyly.

you then look around yourself, noticing some girls were angling their phones at you.

“so what was happening over here?” you friend saunters over to you, hot dog in hand and two waters tucked into her side.

you let out a breathy chuckle out of disbelief. “some dude just took a gorgeous candid of me and sent it to me.”

your friend nods and smiles. “good for you! no doubt he liked you.” she hands you the extra water bottle.

“h-huh?” you stutter, eyes widen.

your friend chuckles. “your expressions are so funny sometimes.” they pat your back as you aggressively twist off the cap. you tilt your head back and chug part of the water. they pat your back again. “slow down, you don’t want to throw that up later because i am not cleaning that up.”

you nod, this time slowly swirling the cap around the grooves of the plastic bottle.

“now let me order that uber and you show me that so-called amazing photo.”

9:59 pm CST

“—NICE!” the fifth time the song rings out never gets old. as much as your bones are exhausted, you are determined to keep up.

getting to the venue was a hectic experience, but stepping to your almost-floor seats was a whole separate experience itself. the arena was smaller than expected, but the seats were in perfect view of the extended stage, especially during the encore.

a quick snap of your phone catches the image of that same man you met the previous day.

you didn’t register what completely happened till you arrived at your hotel room, until your friend showed you a specific member’s instagram story. the road signs may have looked familiar in the background, but you hit yourself mentally for recognizing the tan man.

now, in the concert hall, he never looked over in your direction; instead, he waved to the 200s and to the people on the floor, yet you still took his photo.

even if he never notices you or remembers you, you’re content with the thought of him doing something he loves and you being part of a fleeting moment only through his eyes.

.

.

“candids really are something.”

tags: @jcxbliss

a/n 2: did i almost cry writing this ending? yes. did i cry when i barely missed him irl? yes. did i sit down just now and write everything in one sitting? yes. did i cry happy tears at the revelation that i briefly passed him? yes. god i love him so much—

thank you for making it here! have a good day and night 🫶

[adorethedistance]

I Don’t Just Like You - Trevor Zegras x Hughes!Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, tension/fighting, jealousy, Dixie lmao

Words: 2161

Summary: Tension builds with Trevor over his new partnership until the two of you confess your feelings.

A/n: Y'all I am so not doing well rn. I am processing a break up and questioning my social circle and im so lonely that I needed to write some angst to cope with it all. Hope yall like this one and maybe it'll get a smut part two depending on whether or not I can handle writing that rn lol. Enjoy!

Moose: call me ASAP

Me: sorry Luke. can’t rn

Moose: Awesome 😎

My hands quake with anxiety as I fiddle with the tarnished silver ring adorning my pointer finger. The moisture of my skin eases the movement of turning the ring around my finger. I hiss when the gemstone catches on the skin of my middle finger and immediately drop my hands. 

Currently, I’m staring down at the risky text I just sent Trevor. About an hour ago he had messaged me:

Trev: hey sorry can’t swing tn after all 

Trev: rain check?

My jaw tightens with contempt and I huff out a sigh as my bottom lip trembles. I feel pathetic for just how impacted I am by his every word. I angrily hit the digital keys of my phone’s keyboard as I type my reply.

Me: really? 

Me: again??

Trev: don’t be like that

I’m not the most confrontational person. On any given day some might say I’m the furthest thing from confrontational. To put it rather plainly, I just don’t like it. I hate the way I get anxiety butterflies in my stomach. I hate absorbing the emotions of the other person, especially when rejection is involved. I hate what projections I’m opening myself up to receiving from the other person. There are too many pitfalls and not enough landing pads. Which is why it’s so out of character for me to press him on this.

Me: like what Trev?

This is the third time in a row Trevor has cancelled plans on me. I don’t know if he’s aware of that. I don’t even know what he’s been up to lately. He’s refused to tell me what he’s been doing instead, which didn’t raise my suspicions by any means until mom sent me an article. She knows about how my crush on Trevor has had roots in our childhoods. 

Trev: you know what I’m talking about

After I stopped playing hockey with my brothers, I was still always around to notice Trevor’s presence in our home. When I moved to California for college, I wanted to chase my music dreams but I didn’t realize it would come at the expense of my support system. Being long distance with my family put me in a hard spot, but having a familiar face to rely on made the adjustment easier. As we spent more time together independent of my brothers, Trevor and I became close friends. The problem was my crush has been growing ever since we became friends, hence why mom sent me an article called, “Did Dixie D’Amelio admit to dating Trevor Zegras?”.

Me: at least say it with your chest

Sent. Delivered. I wait. Trevor’s response bubble appears for a second. It disappears, then reappears, then disappears again. I’m about ready to toss my phone across the room when his message delivers.

Trev: call me

I groan out in frustration and this time actually end up chucking my phone onto my bed. I run my hands through my hair, along the warm expanse of my scalp. A self-soothing gesture by all means. I pace to one side of my room before using the momentum of my steps to start back towards my phone. Just as I have it in my hand, Trevor’s contact picture covers the screen and illuminates in my grasp. I scoff out a sort of half groan and then answer.

“What, Trevor?”

“Hey, Y/n I’m great. Thanks for asking! How are you?” He responds sardonically to my cold greeting. I bite my tongue, torn between tearing into him and the stronger desire to laugh through my rage. He takes my exhale as a cue to continue. “What’s going on, Hughesy?”

In a single moment, my anger dissolves. The tenderness of that nickname, which was once reserved solely for my brothers, now belongs to me. In this moment, I find myself thinking about how grateful I am that Trevor was there for me as I transitioned into college. But the looming threat of a smile quickly vanishes as I remember how that care is nullified by Trevor’s abundantly active dating life.

“Y/nnnn?” Trevor hums into the phone.

“What?” I respond dryly.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is you cancelling on me for the third time in a row.”

“Is it really the third time in a row?” He asks under his breath, indicating he may not have intended to say it out loud at all. I roll my eyes, still actively fighting the urge to just lay into him.

“Yes, Trevor, it is!” I can practically hear him wince through the phone at the fact that I’m calling him Trevor instead of the default nickname permanently programmed into my phone. 

“Who’s that?” I hear softly over the phone. My heart flutters like a coal mine parakeet in a cage and I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry if it turns out Dixie is on the other side. Trevor whispers back,

“It’s Y/n.”

“Hey, Y/n!” Mason’s on the other end. 

“Not a good time,” Trevor tells him. Mason curses and then apologizes before retreating from Trevor’s general area. “Sorry, you were saying?” Trevor tells me at regular volume.

“You were cancelling on me again.”

“Oh. Right. I…” he switches the phone to the other ear, “I…don’t know what you want me to say.” Hello?! Could he be any more oblivious?!

“I want you to tell me what is going on!” I whine into the phone, “What is it you’re so busy with doing that you can’t see me for a week, huh? I get that you’re a professional athlete and you have a busy schedule. But I know your schedule and I know you still have a decent amount of free time. So what have you been doing?” Trevor breathes, in, then out and says,

“I’ve been seeing someone lately…” I feel my heart shatter into the tiniest fractals of what it once was and I cover my mouth to choke back the growing lump in my throat.

“I can’t do this right now,” I say with the utmost hurt lacing my voice, pulling the phone away from my ear to abruptly hang up on Trevor. I toss my phone on my bed once more, ignoring how the screen lights up with Trevor’s contact picture. It’s a new breed of psychological torture to sit here and ignore the calls, so I leave my phone in my bedroom as I go to splash cold water on my face. 

When I reenter my bedroom, I ignore the buzzing device to put on a comfortable pair of pajamas. He’s called once, twice, a fourth, and a fifth before finally giving up. Despite my phone being silent, I don’t trust it enough to take it with me and leave it to charge on my bed. I settle on the couch to open my new pint of Ben and Jerry’s, putting on my favorite show in the hopes of laughing through the pain. 

Somewhere between first and second episode, I had dozed off after returning the ice cream to the freezer. I’m not sure what it is about crying that knocks me on my ass like that, all I know is that it works. 

I’m abruptly pulled from my sleep when I hear the harsh banging on my front door. I jump up from the couch, the spike in adrenaline carrying me out of my sleepy haze. When I get to the front door, some of the tiredness catches up with me again and I groggily open the front door. Behind it stands Trevor, with sad puppy eyes and a sheepish expression. I can’t help the scowl that comes to rest on my face when I see him, but he doesn’t falter. Instead, he pushes past me to come into the apartment and sits on the couch expectantly. Since there’s no way to physically remove him from my space, I bargain, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, as far from Trevor as I can manage. He doesn’t let the cold gesture phase him, and scooches obliviously into the center of the couch.

“What’s going on Hughsey?” I scoff at the nickname and Trevor cringes in frustration. “What is this?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

“Why are you icing me out all of a sudden?”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I ask, spiteful, with malice. 

“Clearly not since I’m here spending time with you.”

“Was that so hard for you to do? I mean, with your busy schedule and all?”

“What are you-” Trevor pauses for a split second. “Wait, are you… jealous? Y/n?”

I want to protest. I want to scream and rant and bite back, how he could be so conceited to think I’d be jealous of a relationship that I previously thought was rumored? But I can’t. 

Because he’s right.

I bite my tongue. There’s nothing else I can do. Not unless I want to make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have.

“Oh my god, that’s totally it. You’re jealous.” Trevor says, complete with a laugh and a sigh. The shame of actually being jealous of a girl I’ve never met, the disappointment of finding out Trevor is dating someone, and the exhaustion from already having cried earlier comes collapsing down on me at once. Hot tears well on the lining of my lashes and I stare at the ground, afraid to draw attention to myself. Upon seeing me cry, Trevor’s smile immediately vanishes and he scoots closer once more.

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay.” He envelops me in a hug that I’m too overwhelmed to reciprocate. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” 

I merely shake my head, unaware of what I could even say in this moment.

“I was… I was just laughing ‘cause I should’ve known.”

“Should’ve known what?”

“That you’d be jealous.” I wriggle out of the hug and look at Trevor sincerely.

“How would you have known?”

“You know, for as long as I can remember, your brothers have talked about you having a crush on me.” I cower in humiliation, my face glowing hotter than the surface of the sun.

“I wish they wouldn’t have.”

“No?” Trevor asks, genuinely.

“It’s embarrassing,” I confess, fully recoiling from the physical contact he had initiated before. 

“It’s cute.” Trevor earnestly admits as he takes my hand in his. I scoff instinctively but don’t pull my hand away again.

“I don’t need your pity, Trev.” I say so softly he nearly misses the sentiment. Once he processes my worlds, I feel him physically relax next to me at the sound of his familiar nickname.

“Well, what do you need? I’m here now.”

“I honestly don’t know.” I finally dare to meet his eyes. He’s looking at me so sweetly, earnestly. As if I hadn’t just chewed him out two minutes earlier. Then, I look away before I can say what I’m about to say next. “I don’t just like you.” Trevor’s face lifts ever so slightly. The extent of which, one might miss had they not known him a lifetime the way I have.

 “You know… the only reason I started seeing her was to get over you.”

“What?” I ask, sharply whipping my head to stare at Trevor, as if awaiting the reveal that this was just some elaborate prank from the start.

“Yeah. I started dating Dixie because I thought dating someone different would distract me. You know, it’s not a good look to have a crush on your best friend’s little sister.”

My heartrate picks up with his confession. This feels too good to be true. As if real life is waiting for us right outside the front door. The real life that doesn’t see me and Trevor together ever in our lifetimes. Terrified of the change that would occur from letting him walk away, I reach up and hold his face in my hands, kissing him passionately. Trevor wraps his hand around my wrist and kisses me back with twice as much fervor. 

We break apart, out of breath and full of smiles. Trevor looks at me for guidance and we fizzle into a nervous laughter. I reach up and brush my thumb tenderly across his cheekbone. He grabs my hand and turns his head, placing a sweet kiss on my palm. I then reach up and break the moment by ruffling my hand through his hair to mess it up.

“Hey!” He yells, grabbing waist to dig his hands into my sides. I screech with laughter as I try to escape. Trevor eventually yields and slips his hands from my sides to interlace with one another and pull me closer. I scoot in to sit against him, sitting half on top of him as our breathing falls in sync.

“I don’t just like you, too, Hughesy.” I smile.

“...You should probably call Dixie.”

“Oh shit.”

***

A/N: not my best work but not my worst either!

[rewritingcanon]

hpng characters and how they study for exams because im literally dying rn

rose- academic weapon. need i say more. she has the pomodoro technique down pat. she’s the girl at your local library claiming an entire table with an outlet to herself so she can plug her chunky ass laptop into it and make sure it doesn’t explode on her. she has a sugary iced drink near her at all times but she only takes a sip when she feels she’s deserved it. she eats dinner at 1am because she will not let herself move from her desk until she’s completed the practicals she has laid out in front of her. but trust that she’s losing hair and she’s greasy asf and her short fuse is basically nonexistent. she’s also always randomly sick during exam prep, but her symptoms are never bad enough to warrant a doctor’s visit, it’s only hella inconvenient so she’s chugging neuyrofen and vitamin c like her life’s on the line. no special consideration for her. when she experiences one minor setback (technical malfunction, stubbed her toe, bit her tongue etc) she starts angry crying immediately. just don’t speak to her during exam time, she’ll slap you for breaking her concentration.

albus- exam period what exam period. what are you talking about. these assignments aren’t worth half of his grade what do you mean. you’re telling him the essay was due at 5pm today and not 11:59………………. number one— doesn’t cope well at all. in denial until the twenty-four hour mark before his assignments are due and then will lock in as hard as he can but it is absolutely not a pretty process. so don’t even talk to him about it before then. number two— it’s not like he was relaxing during swotvac (idk the british term for swotvac leave me alone) period, my boy was stressed asf he was just procrastinating. you know when you’re too stressed to do literally anything. albus is a prisoner during exam period free my boy. he can’t study, he can’t relax. when he fucks up because of his poor time management he will psychoanalyse everything about himself and convince himself he’s the stupidest mammal to walk on two legs with five fingers. the mental abuse he puts himself through after submitting the shittiest 2000 word essay is crazy. but he is an affront to the english language (he’s surprisingly alright at exams cuz he’s really good at bulshitting, just don’t make him write anything longform 😭 he can’t back up his impassioned opinions with any evidence ok)

victoire- she is the influencer on studytok that makes studying for eight hours straight look like the most aesthetically pleasing pastime ever. her skin is clean, her hair is washed, her clothes are pressed, her eating and sleeping schedule is routine. she’s so not real.

james- most people think he’s an academic weapon because most people will just see the results he gets at the end of the marking period and conclude he’s hella smart. but if they saw the type of basement-dwelling creature he turns into during the study period they would be horrified. he doesn’t touch grass, he doesn’t leave his room, his lips are chapped asf. in fact his room is growing into a whole new ecosystem to account for the cave-dwelling lifestyle james has going on. he’s got the most psycho routine ever, no sane person would replicate this. he’s so mad-scientist-scribbling-incoherent-observations-at-his-barely-lit-desk-at-midnight core. he never sleeps, he only has intervals of three hour naps so it doesn’t disrupt his sleep inertia. friends can’t text or call or reach out to him— he’s on dnd for the next two weeks. you’d think he died. his siblings think he’s doing cocaine in his room to keep himself up. there is the occasional james sighting around 5am where he may trudge out of his room like a night stalker to make himself tea. his face is gaunt and ghostly and his body is brittle and awkward. don’t speak to him because he’s not going to respond he’s too busy spacing out through the entire exam period. if you do get a word out of him it’ll probably not be in a language understood in this world. best he keep to his room.

hugo- he’s absolutely broke yet the only way he can cope is through impulsive storms of online shopping and doing shopping hauls on his close friends. if he had it his way he’d wind down the night with some dti with the boys but hermione has that boy’s arse glued to the dining chair and she and rose are circling hawks scrutinising all of his answers and then insisting to mark his pracs for him. in all realness they do save him because his marks are always pretty good in the end.

teddy- simply did not study if the subject didn’t appeal to him. one of those woke students that truly believed that marks did not equate to worth. knew he would only feasibly want to pursue careers in the subjects he liked so would prioritise one or two subjects. motivational speaker to all his friends. actually didn’t let exams stop him from living his life. his speeches on the wotters aren’t so successful since a lot of them highkey gaf about their results. rose gets pissed off every time he tries with her. victoire politely ignores him. james is disassociating through the entire speech. he doesn’t even attempt it with percy’s kids. bad luck ted.

lily- if there is a person who is the exact type of person who isn’t built for studying, it’s her. she can get away with it at the start of her schooling, because she is quite smart, but when it gets serious its the biggest humbling ever. she just can’t lock in. she’ll have an exam the next day and suddenly she’s knocking on albus’ door and is willing and wanting to listen to him complain about Life Problem #218. she’s suddenly volunteering to help her mum garden and help her dad cook. she’s going to ‘study sessions’ with friends where she forces them to do anything but study. she’s binge watching shows with james. she’s picking up a new hobby in juggling. she’s attacked by a new hyperfixation she can’t get out of her head and she has to spend 6 hours a day looking at fanart. like girl go study. james will give her the most bomb (but lowkey psycho) tips on how to lock in and she’ll get motivated until she looks at her prac and sees an 8 mark short answer question. like goodnight she’s having a nap. also she eats everything in the fridge, no snacks are safe. fuck the no sugar rule fr. she’s not even hungry she just convinces herself she is so she can do literally anything else besides that 8 mark question waiting for her on her desk in her room.

dominique- would drop out.

scorpius- he’s a fucking freak because he probably likes the stress of exam period 💀 like he probs does feel stress about it, but since he’s always constantly stressed out this isn’t anything new to him. “i get to pour over all my in-detail notes i’ve written on all these subjects through the semester again?? and then do an assessment regarding the in-detail notes i have? yippee!!” his optimism is absolutely not shared by his peers but he’s so oblivious to it. he’s fantasising about what topic questions he’ll get and what his damn body paragraphs are going to be. he’s the guy seated behind you in the exam who unintentionally peer pressures you by requesting for another booklet because he’s written too much in the first. he’s the one joyfully skipping up to you after the test is over and excitedly asking for what you wrote about or what answers you got, and when he shares his responses with you, you realise his points were better or his answers were actually correct. and then he’s emailing his teachers every week asking for when the marks will be released because he’s just so excited. weirdo.

[sixosix]

that one anon ask got me on the grind

(im actually supposed to be doing something else rn(my plates💀💀💀) but im just so giddy rn) i was gonna make it so that thawed!mc gets up and leaves before lyney's arm could even make contact with the back of the couch😭 but i feel like he's been taking L's after L's lately so I'll let him have this (for now)

i hc thawed!mc to be kind of a nerd,,,LMAOOOOO i can just imagine her interupting a random orphan and be like; "uhm akshually ☝️🤓" and just set everything on fire.

like, shes not even book smart. she just knows random ass shit from the weird books she gets her hands on😭😭😭

thawed!mc: "did u know, a folklore in inazuma says that their sea ganodermas are transformed souls of children who died young. As a form of punishment, they must spend endless years absorbing the elements within the sand and sea using their fragile bodies, pilling them up, and forming a 'sea ganoderma'."

lyney, not listening AT ALL: "really??? omg tell me more..(heart eyes)"

sighhh coping rn w their childhood relationship before u serve us w angst and successfully rip me open and pick every bone in my body /lovingly

have a nice day six!!!! im so happy i came across your blog all those months ago<333

OH MY HGOF THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THEM IN THEIR OUTFITS THEYRE SO PRECIOUS IM DROWNING FRON MY TEARS 😭😭😭😭🌊🌊 you really pitied lyney and decided to give him this victory BQHAHAHA THIS IS SO ADORABLE ❤️❤️❤️

the mission success made me laugh so hard like i heard the trumpets . AND UR HC IS SO CUTE AND SO REALLL it rlly makes sense as a child growing up in The House 😢😢😢she picks up a book when shes on break and not allowed to overexert herself and it ends up being something completely random. UGH my baby. our child 😭😭😭😭

ALSO WOW THAT FACT WAS ACTUALLY SO INTERESTING WHAHAHA though i doubt lyney even understood a single thing hes probably just screaming in his head

[project-sekai-facts]

i know its reaaally early for this but can i bounce speculation off of you. i want to lb tier kana5 if its good/a significant development in their savior complex/relationship to mafuyu so i've been trying to guess what attribute it will be but kanades attribute history is so weird.

4 cute: three of them are lim lol. last was bloomfes. 4 cool: last was valentines. 5 happy: last was white day. 5 pure: last was WL. 5 myst: last was. now. which is messing me up bc i was expecing kana5 to be myst to parallel carnation recollection, but now they really need a cool card.

i know consistency with kanade is kind of doomed bc theyre a favorite on jp (thankfully im en so it wont be too hard to tier) but since you pay more attention to jp events. when would kana5 likely be? do you think it would be about their savior complex?

i dont expect you to predict any specifics right now nor will i come back to you if youre wrong i've just been thinking about it a lot and wondering if you have any thoughts. im coping bc my strongest n25 team is mysterious and now it seems less likely :((

Attribute is basically impossible to predict for specific events, they usually just give whatever is needed at the time in terms of both cards for the characters featured and generally in terms of event counts. Like Rui has had 4 happy events and 2 cool events, and Mizuki's first 3 unit events were all cute while all their mixed events are mysterious. It's basically impossible to tell what attribute it will be rn, closer to when it's due you can probably guess, but it's a while off right now and I don't know how many cards Kanade will get between now and then.

As for the topic? I think it could deal with some of her emotional struggles and saviour complex. Her last event and her fes card both dealt with her memories of her family and her relationship with them, and the event actually did touch on her motivations with the whole plot of it being about Kanade thinking about what she wants to do. Niigo's overall plot at the moment is about them growing up and making changes, so you could pretty naturally write in an event like that for Kanade. And as for when, probably November or February assuming that they never run WLEs again. I'm not sure if Ena or Kanade will follow after Mizuki, there's no indicators as this point in time. Ena would probably make more sense but at the same time there's every chance her next event will have zero plot relevance to Mizuki5. So be prepared for November or February, give or take.

[trans-axolotl]

hi! no rush in answering this and I hope it all works out with your job, sending good vibes. I wanted to ask for some advice as my partner hss AFRID and (probably) anorexia. they've been refered for help for the AFRID stuff specifically and they (for very valid. and obvious reasons) don't feel comfortable opening up to drs about the other loads of eating problems they have. Now they are being monitored and freaked about abt the need to gain weight etc

Im helping them as best I can but it feels very us 2 (and our friends) vs the rest of the world plus that I feel I'm p much winging random stuff that Might help see what sticks. We are trying to find some middle ground were they can make some "progress" so they aren't coerced into something they really don't want to do by drs and so they can have a little more energy etc etc.

We are also both still living at our parents and it's all just not ideal. rn. Any advice at all would help really, is there anything I should do and anything I really shouldn't? just typing it up to someone who won't tell me to force them to get themselves admitted is already a relief tbh thank u for ur work on harm reduction <3

Hey anon! Thanks for reaching out. It can be so hard to find any information about how to support people with eating disorders that isn't just "Go get professional treatment right now," so I will do my best to share some stuff that we've been talking about in my harm reduction + peer support networks!

Correct me if I'm retyping your situation incorrectly, but my understanding of what you shared is that your partner has ARFID and is also having other struggles with eating more related to anorexia in terms of fears about weight gain, body image, etc. Their doctors know about the ARFID and are receiving some sort of treatment for the ARFID, but the treatment is triggering some more of the anorexia stuff because of the increased monitoring.

This sounds like a difficult situation for both your partner and you as a support person, and I can understand how stressful it is to have to worry about coercive treatment on top of trying to figure out ways to cope with disordered eating in the first place. It sounds like you've been doing a really good job supporting your partner and listening to what they need, and trying out lots of different things to see what's helpful for them. I'll share some tips, but as always, what works for one person won't work for another! Asking your partner and collaborating with them to figure out what their exact needs and wants are is always going to be the most important.

@librarycards just made a post about harm reduction in eating disorders that I'm going to link to. I'm not going to restate everything they wrote, but one thing they talk about is identifying what feels like a necessity that can't be changed right now, and what things feel like there could be some wiggle room and space for change right now. If your partner is open to it, it might be helpful to sit down and make a list of what kind of eating disorder behaviors feel absolutely necessary right now that can't be changed, and what things feel more flexible. I think it's really important to be able to do this nonjudgmentally--a lot of eating disorder recovery spaces argue that "recovery" is all or nothing, and that allowing any kind of eating disorder behaviors is a failure. It can be really important to use a harm reduction approach to identify goals that actually feel doable for us, instead of saying the only option is to stop every eating disorder behavior and mindset 100%. That will look different for everyone, but explicitly giving yourself permission to continue some eating disorder behaviors can sometimes help people meet other goals around energy, quality of life, etc that are important to them. I know for me, having both ARFID and anorexia made it incredibly difficult to try to focus on dealing with both at the same time. I completely stopped trying to focus on any ARFID goals in increasing variety or challenging sensory needs, and instead just focused on figuring out coping skills and how to meet the energy needs for my body. Giving myself permission to only eat safe foods, ignore social norms around food, etc, helped me a little bit with figuring out how to cope with some of my restrictive urges. It might be worth figuring out with your partner what goals feel like priorities at the moment, and making a plan together.

Another thing that I found super helpful in my own journey with the ARFID and anorexia combo was learning about fat liberation and discussing it with other people. Basically all mainstream eating disorder treatment doesn't bother to spend anytime talking about fat liberation or fatphobia, and usually actually perpetuates a lot of fatphobia. I think that being able to dismantle the societal ideas we learn about weight gain, fatness, and diet culture is super important for everyone, and I think that for disorderly eaters, it can also be super important to track how that influences our own self-understanding of our eating. This list by Rachel Fox is a great starting point for fat liberation resources. For me, it was super helpful to be able to read through articles and books about fat liberation and discuss them with other people, and build a political understanding of fatness that allowed me to connect what I was reading to my experience with disorderly eating. If this is something that your partner is interested in, having someone to learn + read with can be super impactful.

I think it can also be crucial to think about your own boundaries and needs as a support person. You are not in charge of "fixing" your partner and your partner does not need to be "fixed." You're allowed to not know the answers to things, need to take breaks to support yourself, and to also be going through difficult times. Both you and your partner's autonomy is important, and figuring out ways to support without feeling responsible or trying to control each other can be really crucial. I can tell how much you care about your partner and it sounds like you're doing a really incredible job with all the ways you're providing care. If either of you ever feels like you need a space in your life to talk about this, ANAD offers peer support groups both for people living with eating disorders and for family/friends of people living with eating disorders.

Other than that, there's not a ton I can think of for things you should or shouldn't do, since it seems like you have pretty good insight into major things to avoid (forcing people into hospitalization, making fatphobic comments, reinforcing diet culture, forcing recovery) and are doing a lot of things right (asking your partner what they need, trying things out and being flexible, making room for harm reduction style goals instead of only "recovery.") Keep asking your partner how to support them, collaborate with them on the best ways to provide them care, and continue being there for them through this hard time.

Truly sending you and your partner the best of luck, anon, and hoping that you both can find some care and healing during this difficult time. All the solidarity and please feel free to send any other asks with more questions, vents, anything, <3 <3 <3

[pumpkinsy0]

Ahaha guess who isn’t coping well rn? Me!

Context: today my period came and now I feel all nauseous and sad. But I solider on and went to do some shopping for some food. Issue? my dad also had like a bad day cause of his meeting. So when he found out I didn’t get his like alcohol he got mad. Not like SUPER mad more like passive aggressive mad??

I feel TERRIBLE because I made his day worse. But I’m also just sad right now. I love my dad so much but I feel like sometimes he just CAN’T be there for me. I can’t always ask for loving because he’ll think I’m being weird or needy. Or when I have a bad day, he’s also having a bad day. So I need to suck it up and act fine cause HE needs to let his feelings out. And I just- I just want my dad. I want him to hug him, I want to not have to earn his love, I just— I want him to stop being angry.

SORRY!! I’m venting majorly hard rn and that’s silly and stupid. But I was hoping you could do HC’s of this for one of the Curtis Gang Members. Maybe how that character would handle this. Maybe they’ll have better luck then me.

hey anon!!! im sorry to hear what ur goin through, u dont deserve it, so dont beat urself up!!! ur living ur own life and u shouldnt feel ashamed that u couldnt help someone else live theirs, plus bad day or not, no matter what it doesnt give someone the right to treat u poorly, its not ur fault!!! not even in the slightest!!!! ur sick on too of that, if ur dad cant show some compassion for that, hes the problem

BUT ITS OK!! its not silly or stupid, ur perfectly fine!!!

w all that said letsssss go w fem two bit w her dad here!! (yes this is genderswapped, but lets just say for this sake, twos dad and mom r the same and didnt swap genders)

•two loves her dad, which she knows is pretty odd considering hes one of the biggest con man she knows and even cons her sometimes but she just cannot help it no matter how many times shes mad at him

•two constantly feels like she needs to prove herself to him in order to get him to say “atta girl”, and in a twisted way, she really does but not really???

•two dad doesnt love her completely, but he does love her to a certain extent, he mostly loves what he can do FOR him and to a smaller extent loves her for her, thats guaranteed

•ANYWAYS, two’s sick and her dad got back home from this one con he tried doing that absolutely fucking busted, he got home and he was already annoyed, anything could set him off

•now he had this other thing planned, what was it??? till this day two doesnt know, BUT he told her to steal something for him, only problem is, she didnt get the right one, and she thought he would at least commend her for getting it, bc it was no easy feat, but she showed it to him, and he didnt go off on her, but she did see a look of disappointment and anger before he up and left to go to the couch, which made her feel worse

•for a good while, when he saw her around the house, he would make a comment about something she did, and it got to a point where two just couldnt take it and locked herself in her room till her mom came home late at night from work, just to avoid seeing him

•two mom HATES them hanging out the way they do and can always tell when something happened so when she sees twos dad at the table drinking and grumbling and twos door locked, she knows whats up and tries comforting two but it doesnt work, twos just beating herself up, so twos mom goes to her dad

•all two heard was yelling, it wasnt for long, maybe for 10 mins, but she ended up going to sleep to escape, she was just tired, hungry, and thirsty

•next day, he dad took her out, but it was so weird, bc its one of the only times hes seen him be hesitant near her, well with anyone really

•he drove her around town for a bit trying to make conversation, but failing miserably, and two knew he was trying to apologize, horrendously and in his own way, but he was trying, and to her that felt like enough, felt like a lot actually

[pixlpxie]

hello pix!! i hope youre doing great. i have been going through a weird turmoil with myself this past week and i literally dont know anyone who i can tell this.

turns out that after some intense self-reflection i managed to come to the conclusion that im a lesbian. pretty much bc i couldnt imagine myself in anyway living in the same space with a man or dedicating my life with him, contrary to a woman. however here comes the problem, i feel like an imposter bc i still regularly have sexual fantasies abt male celebrities such as ateez. i have and keep reading smut stories on both ao3 and tumblr involving them and after finishing i end up feeling guilty bc i feel like im just in denial with the fact that deep down im attracted to men.

maybe i will get told "you dont have to prove urself to anyone, you know your own sexuality better than a third person" but i honest to god dont have idea of whats happening inside my brain. i dont know if anyone else is experiencing this or has before, but how does one cope with this? if theres even a way. i apologize for the long rant, im sure that this is a handful.

This is a super valid thing to feel and let me tell you, sexuality is complex. Its not an easy thing to find out, its not easy to live it. Unlike what most people believe, sexuality is extremely fluid and can fluctuate a lot. And i understand you so much, yes ppl will tell you you don't have to prove your sexuality or that you don't need labels but at the end of the day you do need labels to not feel lost. That's why there are hundreds of them, because everyone has different experiences with their sexuality but if you cant really 'name' them its just most probably going to make you confused and feel excluded. You dont need labels, that's true, but let me give you an idea how it might be going for you right now. Romantic and sexual attractions arent necessarily mutually inclusive all the time. This is something many people tend to miss. You can be sexually attracted to multiple genders while romantically being attracted to women. So maybe it can be like being bisexual and homoromantic. This is extremely normal and you don't have to feel guilty about it. Although its debated whether celebrities really qualify for an attraction as they are almost fictional for us. But that's another topic and i don't want to confuse you more. So the best thing I can tell you rn is that don't be ashamed of what you're feeling, and give yourself time. Trust me you will figure out or your desires will become more clear to you. And don't try to limit yourself, experiment with and live your sexuality. Like i said, sexuality is fluid so please don't expect yours to have clearcut lines (although you probably want it to have bc its just safer that way). I hope I was able to help you. I'm not a lesbian so our lovely lesbian bloggers can help you as well🥹 pls don't be hard on yourself ily <3

[orbees]

rambling about everything thats been rattling in my brain as of late

i think the hardest part about my 20's -- especially my mid 20's cause thats when The Disabilities emerged -- is reckoning w/ the fact that my time + energy are becoming Increasingly Finite. i cant Do it all like i use to. my to-do lists will probably never be completed, probably even get to a third of everything thats on there :(

a Big part of this is because i cant rly... Ignore what my bodys telling me like i use to. which. is a Whole Thing because yeah that wasnt really Great to begin w/ and is probably even part of why im struggling sm rn

the obvious answer is like: well stop doing that dumbass but its kinda hard when you've spent your entire life being told by THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! that everything you feel is a.) wrong and b.) really inconvenient actually :/

its rly hard to put into words so ill give an example. ive struggled w/ chronic pain pretty much my entire life. ppl were kind at first. but when it didnt go away, when it Continued to cause problems, when i Continued to complain about it... ppl got tired of it. u learn pretty fast that its something u basically Have to deal w/ on ur own. this + the Undermining that tends to come w/ annoyance, at such a young age, really messed w/ my ability to like. perceive What my body's actually feeling.

to this day i still rly struggle to tell what my Body is actually feeling. my limitations, energy levels are still mostly a mystery to me because im so use to just Having to push past them. ofc Living a capitalist society only reinforces this as it feels Basically Impossible to work AND respect your body's needs.

one of the biggest ways i learned to "cope" was to basically detach myself form my body. so it is less i am Integrated into my body and more like Myself and my Body are separate things. i am me and the body is a shell that I Unfortunately am bound to.

Shockingly, thinking this way- neglecting your body, ignoring its needs, its limitations, and when things are Obviously Wrong, sometimes even outright abusing it-- has Consequences. and i have become very, very, very aware of the fact that my way Of Conceptualizing Myself, the body and self being separate, was Very Wrong. they're very much connected and dependent on each other. my late 20's especially has been a Very Harsh lesson in this. so i need to reintegrate, for the sake of both, but its hard cause those connections were burned out so long ago. its like im having to Reforge those pathways. im having to relearn how to even Exist inside my body again let alone understand anything its telling me.

and even all this, i still havent rly "figured out" how to address the fact that if i do this, im still going to have to work ._. idk. im hoping that if i actually Start Living in my Body, and Listening to it, that i can maybe take care of it a lil better, which will in turn make even that easier. but who knows. one step at a time ig. its just hard out here =_=

okay incoherent rant over thanks for reading

[bambiparts444]

GHDFGJSDJGSDJG

disclamer: i am intoxicated. pelase excuse any grammar mistakes or horrible terrible shitty writing. im of the bevergaege. do not pay any attention to the state of my intoxication. i promise i am a great writer when i can type propebtely. this is not proofread.

so many updates, so little time to do the updating for my 4 followers.

context: im a senior, and im 18. lets create some code names. W is my 11th grade ap english lang teacher who is really chill. S is my tc. ANYWAYS.

S is single, but he and W kinda have some sort of thing developing. of course, i am happy for her, but i cant help but be envious. i really wish i was older. i have more or less the same "rights" as an adult, but im still not viewed as one due to being a high schooler. S is a bit of a nerd. socially awkward, a bit. me and my two friends are pretty close with W.

today was the second playoff game (we lost, 0-42) but we hardly paid any attention to the game. before comign to the game, me and my two best friends split a bottle of soji and downed a shot of mango vodka. i drink way more than they do, but somehow im a lightweight. IDK WSHY. it wore off by now so i drank a beer and now im habing a whirw claw because i need to cope. is that ok/ fuck u

anyways

W is NOT an alcohoic her life is just somewhat eventfult. neither am i. only tcc tumblr knows how hard it is to be an 18 year old girl with a crush on a much older man.

he was joking about being way oldwr than he actuallt is. he's 28. he was jokign about being 43 btu hes actually 28. only 10 years older.

hes always looking at me in class and when he's not looking at me i can fuckign tell hes trying not to look at me. and me and my two best friends know that he probably knew we drank. idk. idc. i know he wants me, and i dont care if im wrong. you need some level of delulu to get what you want.

W, S, and two other teachers were going to go out to get tequila this evening, but S instead went to the gym. WHO GOES TO THE GYM AT 9PM?? my boyfriend says its sort of normal. i already knew he frequents the gym, because i noticed the callusesdes on his hand when i shook it. my dumbass though i was speciual when he offered a handshake, but he does it to every new person he meets, of course,

i tell my boyfriend everything. i know hes the one im going to marry, despite my silly crush on my teacher. i think im going mad. of course, being the manipulative man that he is, my boyfriend taunts me, telling me that i must be imagining S when i tell him to say dirty things/. that my jealousy towards W shows i have some feelings. i want the best for W. but i want S.i want my boyftriend, but i want S, too. I love my boyfriend, but i love S, too. what is wrong with me???

my boyfriend is a whole other story.

me and my two best friends were almost being like wingwomen for W. but S was still trying his hardest to not look at me. and i know he didnt look at my friends, or W. if he wants W, its because she;s closer to his age, and he wouldnt get firesd for loving her. everything would go wrong for him if he was caught loving me. im old enough,

this post is a mess. i cant rreally writerte rn. my fingers arent working. omg. S definetly knows we were woozy. if not them, then for sure me.

[finch1pinch]

gotta say I really do enjoy the beginning of Across the Spider-Verse and Gwen’s monologue while she’s pounding on the drums (beware spoilers ahead obviously!)

on the first viewing(yes I saw it in theaters twice) its mostly just a recap of the first movie to get everyone who hasnt watched it over 15 times and knows the plot and a lot of the lines by heart. But as I enjoyed it for the second time in theaters and now when im listening to the soundtrack, Gwen’s monologue is her coping with the aftermath of ITSV. She’s gone through a lot of shit, her mother died, she accidentally caused her best and only friend’s death, shes having tension with her dad due to her double life, and she finally got the courage to make her first friend in a long while, and now she can’t interact with that friend at all. She just got a taste of being able to depend on other people to have her back and BOOM! now shes back to total isolation. and she doesn’t know how to cope. No spider-person ever really does. all of them are bouncing from one responsibility to another than none of them ever have any time to truly process the shit they go through on a daily basis.

That is why Gwen keeps repeating that “He’s[Miles] not the only one.” as she bashes her drums. She’s using him as a vessel to process her feelings. She knows she isn’t the only one, but its a little hard to believe when there is not physical proof of it. So Gwen monologues about how Miles and her are similar.

And while she is dealing with her sudden isolation, she joins a band.

“I didn’t join a band so I could talk about my feelings, I joined so I could hit my feelings with sticks.” (apologies if I misquoted)

She wanted to have friends again. But she can’t connect with any of her peers because they don’t get it. None of them can hope to understand her position as a spider-person who has people around her dropping dead left and right.

And Gwen also doesn’t really give them a chance to be her friend.

because she wasn’t really searching for new friends, its presumably been a month or two since she went through the collider, she’s desperate for connection with her peers. The problem is that none of the kids her age are her peers. Miles is her peer. Hobie and Pavitr end up being her peers and her friends. the bajillion Peters her age are her peers.

Her joining the spider society is both bad and good for her because of this. She’s finally got peers that she can connect with, despite the lack of Miles’ presence, but she also has really shitty role models now. said shitty role models are doing exactly the opposite thing that you’re meant to do with parenting teenagers. They are clipping her wings rather than Miles and his dad “You gotta let him spread his wings man.” Jess and Miguel (and sorta Peter?) won’t let her visit Miles based on rules that are theoretical AT BEST, and she’s effectively trapped in the spider society due to her dependence on the watch so that she can avoid her dad. (side note: WHY DID NOBODY HELP HER PROCESS AND FIX HER DAD SITUATION???) does anybody else think this is a classic setup for an abusive situation? Though she does have Hobie and Pavitr, she is still being isolated from Miles because he’s a “bad influence.”(read: anomaly) I will ask you all again, does anybody else think this is a classic setup for an abusive/culty situation??

I’m sorry but the idea of canon events feel like grade-A bullshit meant to corral the spider people into a single template. They are straight up scaremongering that forces the spider people to endure trauma that they wouldn’t have to go through if they all just flipped Miguel off and helped each other! (can you tell I despise Miguel, i’m aroace i’m immune to the hotness) Miguel 👏 is 👏 making 👏 a 👏 fucking 👏 cult! 👏

All in all, the isolation that Gwen faces after ITSV made her very susceptible to the kinda culty thing that the spider society led by Miguel has got going on rn. All spider people deal with heavy isolation and loneliness, so the thought that maybe all that sacrifice and isolation did actually need to or was meant to happen, is comforting to them. they went through all that pain because they had to, rather than all the deaths could’ve been avoided. The other spider people have never been in Miles’ shoes, in terms of having the ability to actually change so-called fate. So they don’t get it. But now, with Gwen’s father quitting the police force, Gwen is once again Miles’ peer. They both know that they can avoid their dad’s deaths. And you bet they’re going to try.

[notjosieyouremy]

i am so anxious rn it’s like hard to breathe

i know exactly why i’m anxious and i will tell you

my dog died a couple weeks ago. she was really important to me and now i’m just broken. i started drinking a lot more to cope. it’s a bad way to cope and it doesn’t really make the feelings stop. now i just drunk cry about my dead dog. so i drank 11 white claws last night. woke up this morning with a hangover and no reason to live. saw i had one white claw left and drank it just because. can’t concentrate on work because my brain chemicals are all fucked up from drinking last night. my anxiety climbing and climbing because i can’t stop thinking about my dog oh god i’ll never see my dog again. and the only thing i can think to do to calm myself is eat and eat, every time i have an unpleasant thought, eat. i can barely breathe but i can eat. im hoping i’ll be so full and sluggish i won’t be able to be anxious. it kinda worked