#can you tell i’ve thought about this a lot. like a lot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kawaiikenna · 3 days ago

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Hey look at that, I finally finished the fic I was writing for this! 😅 Here’s the link to the AO3 posting. :3

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It had been a joke at first. Something that she would tell at parties and gatherings to spark interest or further conversations. It was something that she hadn’t thought about anymore than just a hobby. It wasn’t supposed to turn into something like this. How did she even know the people to actually make this happen? In all honesty Jazz should still be at home, studying for finals and making sure her thesis is watertight before submitting it.

Yes, that is exactly what she should be doing. Not going through customs on her way to Paris! And even more so, she should not be on a plane with the rest of the sharpshooters on their way to the god damned Olympics! And yet here she is, on a plane about to taxi down the runway, to then fly to Paris, France, to compete in the Olympics.

“Jazz?” A worried voice breaks her out of her own thoughts.

She looks over to see one of her teammates, Lucy, staring at her with concern plainly written all over her face. “Sorry, were you saying something?”

“Oh, um, no. I was just worried about you because you seemed like you were having a really deep dissociative episode there. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I know that competitions can be really stressful and nerve wracking.” Lucy rambles. The seatbelt light turns off and Jazz unbuckles herself. “Sorry, I guess I’m nervous myself. I tend to ramble a lot when I’m nervous.”

“It’s alright.” Jazz offers with an understanding smile on her face. “I can understand why you’re nervous. Would you like to talk about something else instead? We should probably stay awake for a little longer otherwise jetlag will come for us.”

Lucy’s eyes lit up. She leans in closer, nearly hanging out of her little seat cubby and halfway across the walkway. Her eyes glint in a way that Jazz has seen in countless others. Some juicy gossip was about to be traded. Jazz leans in just a bit, showing her interest in whatever Lucy was about to share.

“Did you hear that one of the Wayne boys is competing in the Olympics as well?” A huge grin spreads across Lucy’s face.

“Wayne?” Jazz questions. She knows that she’s heard the name before but can’t quite put her finger on it. “I feel like I should know that name but tell me anyway.”

Lucy gasps. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I know you know who the Wayne’s are. It’s nearly impossible to not know who the Wayne’s are!”

“Lucy, I think you’ve forgotten that I’ve lived my entire life in a city that was completely cut off from the rest of the world. We only got outside connection back a little after my 20th birthday.” Jazz rolls her eyes in a playful fashion. A lot of people who know her forget about this little known fact. “I’ve only been attending my college in person for a year. Please forgive me if I haven’t been able to keep up on the gossip and know ‘who’s who’ in the celebrity world. Now, are you going to tell me who the Wayne’s are?”

Oh boy. Jazz would later come to regret that but it did help pass the time as their flight neared Paris.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jazz had to say that she was not impressed at the accommodations provided for the Olympians. Sleeping or otherwise. Who the hell thought that it was a grand idea to make all of the athletes sleep on the equivalent of padded cardboard boxes? The closets provided were nothing more than dollar store wire racks held together by bits of plastic and hope. Only staying together out of sheer spite. Now, she’s one for keeping things as green as possible and for companies to reduce their carbon footprint, but when it starts to impact the living quality of people, that’s when it should be stopped.

Don’t even get her started on the food situation. Jazz bets that if Sam was here instead, she would be absolutely elated. Considering that nearly 78% of the food options were vegetarian. Which is all good and well, but if you expected athletes who expended quite a few thousand calories with the sheer amount of exercise and activity that they do daily. Now, if done right, a vegetarian, or even vegan, lifestyle can greatly benefit athletes. But if thrown into this lifestyle without the proper precautions, evaluations or accommodations, it could lead to devastating outcomes.

She had her own dietary restrictions that no one would be able to cater to. Luckily she had a little brother with connections that could get her the ecto necessary for her to continue functioning properly. Which then brought up the whole ‘how are metas handled in the Olympics?’ debate. One that Jazz politely listened to but didn’t contribute a lot to. Seeing as she was still technically a non-sentient being by the government’s standards. Even if they didn’t actually know that’s how they classified her. Enough about that though, she was going on a mental rant about the food provided to them.

Not to mention that the athletes that don’t need to eat calorie dense meals were given the same options as those that did need it. Was it healthy? Yes actually, it was very healthy. Was it what she was expecting? No, not at all. She wasn’t enjoying it in the slightest either. Jazz had built up this amazing expectation of what kinds of international and local cuisine was going to be offered only for those expectations to be completely and utterly crushed. At least the chocolate muffins were good.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That had to have been the longest boat ride Jazz had ever been on. Sure it hadn’t poured rain the entire time but it was enough to be annoying. Her face hurt quite a bit from how much smiling she did while on the boat. It wasn’t a pleasant kind of pain either, more of the ‘forced customer service smile’ pain. And sure it was a really cool experience that Jazz would be able to tell her future children as well as future nieces and nephews. She really wasn’t sure how some of these athletes could do this kind of thing multiple years. At least the Olympics weren’t something that happened yearly. And even if they did, Jazz was very firmly not going to go again. Even if they asked nicely.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It wasn’t until the morning of the 27th that Jazz was finally able to catch her first glimpse of the elusive ‘Wayne boy’ that was supposedly competing in the men’s team gymnastics. He was tall but still wasn’t quite as tall as she is. Though with black hair and icy blue eyes, he looked like he could be related to herself and Danny. He was slim but extremely fit, which made sense since gymnastics was a very demanding sport.

Richard Grayson was the perfect picture of a billionaire’s son, adoptive or otherwise. Rich enough to pull people in, charming enough to keep people engaged, and yet still horrendously shallow. Jazz rolled her eyes and kept going past Richard and his posse of onlookers to go get some breakfast. She thought that that would be the last she saw of him.

How sorely was she wrong.

The gymnastics were one of the first events held that day. They also took the longest since they weren’t a single event but several mashed together under one name. Jazz had tried to spend her time practicing at the ranges they were provided with but was instead dragged away to watch some of the other events. Lucy was currently holding her hostage and forcing her to watch as the men’s gymnastics team did their routines. You could tell exactly when a fangirl spotted Mr. Grayson by the screaming and cheers and frenzied ‘I love you Dick!’s that would ring out across the stadium. And every time Jazz would roll her eyes. She was used to working with people that had pHDs, sometimes even multiple. People that knew how she thought and could actually understand and keep up with her when she talked. All of which Richard Grayson could not do so why would she be interested?

Jazz is ripped from her thoughts by Lucy shaking her fairly violently. “Oh, oh no, oh no!!! Jazz, Jazz! He’s looking over here! The Dick Grayson is actually looking over here! Directly at us!” Lucy squealed in fevered delight, a dreamy look on her face.

“That’s nice Lucy.” Jazz looks up to see that Team USA were starting to gather up and head out, presumably for a late lunch or early dinner. “Why don’t you go over and talk to him? I’m sure he’d love to talk to you.”

Lucy gasps and clutches at Jazz’s arm. “No! He’s like, famous and his family is stupid rich and how could I even compare to that?”

Jazz shrugs. “My little brother is dating an heiress. Of course, she also goes against everything, or at least tries to, her mom tries to get her to be. I’m pretty sure she’s had extensive education in politeness, manners and pretty much every form of etiquette you can possibly think of.” Jazz says as she discreetly maneuvers herself and Lucy through the crowds and towards one Mr. Grayson. How Lucy hadn’t noticed yet was a mystery though. “Sam is a lovely young lady though. Never grew out of her gothic phase and now lives it like any other lifestyle. She’s vegetarian and incredibly involved in animals’ rights. If anything, you’d think that she’s just like any other 19 year old.”

“Ok, but-” Was all Lucy could get out before she noticed just how close they were to the competition floor with Richard only a few meters away from them, surrounded by teammates and coaches. “Holy shit, he’s so close.” She whispers with wide eyes as she stops dead in her tracks.

“Mhm, and you’re going to go talk to him. Because if I have to listen to you sigh dreamily over him one more time I think I’ll be sleeping in Jessica’s room on the floor.” Jazz hums before pushing Lucy just those few feet closer to the barrier.

She leans over the railing and waves to Grayson. It takes a moment, but she’s actually able to catch his attention. He says something to the teammate he’d been talking to before walking over to them. Lucy squeals again and clutches even tighter to Jazz’s arm. At this rate she’s going to make herself pass out.

“Hey there ladies. What can I do for you?” Richard says, his tone is suave and Jazz will admit that he has a very nice voice to listen to. An easy, wide smile graces his lips.

Jazz leans on the railing with her arms folded under her. “My friend here thinks you are absolutely amazing and so cute and handsome.” She points to Lucy.

Lucy then comes back from her starstruck state just enough to blush bright red and smack Jazz on her arm. “Shut up!” Lucy hisses before giving the gymnast a nervous smile.

Jazz raises a brow at Lucy. “I’m just repeating what I’ve heard. And let’s be honest, I could repeat much worse.” Jazz throws her friend a sly smile.

Lucy buries her head in her hands. Mumble jumbled curses are the only things Jazz can hear from her extremely fluster teammate. She smiles and laughs a bit. This is what she gets for non-stop chattering about the man in front of them. Another good natured laugh startles her a bit and she glances back down at the gymnast.

“Thank you, I appreciate it, but I think red heads are a personal favorite of mine.” He winks at Jazz and she’s not entirely sure how she feels about this. She can still feel it as her face flushes though.

Lucy’s head shoots up out of her hands. Initially, Jazz thinks that she’s hurt from being so thoroughly rejected. Realization dawns on her just a moment too late. Instead of tears, Lucy has a nearly manic grin on her face and a teasing glint in her eyes. She grips the railing and leans as far forward as she can to get just that much closer to the gymnast.

“Jazz is single. She says that you’re not her type but I’ve seen her staring at your wonderful, glorious ass. If you want I can drag her to the-” Lucy blurts before Jazz is able to pounce on her. She slaps a hand over her teammate’s mouth, effectively shutting her up.

“Well would you look at the time!” Jazz says, a bit of embarrassed desperation making her voice a much higher pitch than it usually is. Jazz tries to get Lucy to back up and away from the railing. It does not work all that well but she tries anyway. “We need to get going for our warm ups Lucy!”

Jazz is able to get them two steps away from the railing when Lucy is able to get free from Jazz. She runs back to the railing where Richard is still standing, looking up at their antics with a genuine smile. She grips the railing as Jazz tries her damnedest to pull her away.

“We’re having dinner at 6:30 tonight! I’ll make sure she’s there!” Lucy shouts with a manic smile on her face.

“I’ll make sure to be there too!” Richard shouts back. “I’ll see you then Jazz!”

Jazz is finally able to get her friend away from the railing. Sure, she had to use a bit of her liminal strength, but she did it. Jazz didn’t put her down until they were out of the stadium and on their way to the shooting range.

Jazz stares down at her friend, hands on hips and an enraged disappointed expression on her face. “You, are a menace.”

Lucy smiles sweetly up at Jazz. “A menace that just got you a date.”

Jazz stares down at her for a moment. “I will not thank you.”

“You will when you get laid!” And with that Lucy took off down the street, Jazz hot on her heels.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jazz sighed as she sat down with her tray of food. Sure this wasn’t where she really wanted to sit, but Lucy had said that she absolutely had to sit here and wait for her while she got her own dinner. Which was kind of strange but whatever. It wasn’t the weirdest thing she’s experienced or dealt with in her life, and she was willing to bet just about anything that this wasn’t going to be even the weirdest thing she’ll experience on this trip alone.

Ugh, her head pounded a bit. She was due for another dose of ecto soon but that would have to wait until after dinner. She stretched a bit and took note of what hurt the worst. Her arm was incredibly sore and her head was ringing. Apparently her shooting style was something that most people didn’t expect. So what if she didn’t care for any of the fancy equipment? It wasn’t all that difficult to shoot the way she does. Either way, Jazz was just looking forward to taking a hot shower after eating dinner.

Of course, there was something that she was forgetting and it was really bugging her. Something that didn’t quite seem right. She spent a moment trying to figure out when a familiar black haired, blue eyed man sat directly in front of her with his own tray of food.

She stares at him for a moment, not really knowing what to do in this situation. “Um, hi?” She ends up saying dumbly.

“Hi.” Richard ‘Dick’ Grayson responds with a wide smile. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to catch you before you left. Good thing I found you though.”

“Uhhhh, thanks? I guess?” Jazz responds, still unsure of the situation and how to proceed. She massages her temples, she really didn’t have the capacity to sit through more bullshit. “And why, pray tell, were you looking for me?”

“Because your friend set us up on a date, obviously.” He says, his smile not slipping in the slightest.

Jazz raises an eyebrow. “A date? Is that what this is?” She continues to eat, not bothering to look at him again.

“I would think so at least.”

Jazz hums, contemplating. “If this is a date then you’re not doing very well, are you?”

“How so?” He raises an eyebrow.

“For starters, you haven’t bothered to actually introduce yourself. Are you just used to people already knowing who you are that you don’t have basic manners anymore? What a shame.” She gives him an unimpressed look.

Laughter spills out of him. A joyous sound that Jazz actually really liked. It sounded genuine too, which was a nice plus.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m Richard but you can just call me Dick. And yes, that is the name I prefer.” Dick grins widely, humor saturating his entire expression.

“Nice to finally officially meet you Dick. My name is Jasmine, please call me Jazz though. Only my mother uses my full name.” She says with a chortle and smiles. “Now what is it that you usually do on first dates? I haven’t had many considering my family’s reputation and my major.”

“Really?” Dick asks, eyes wide with curiosity. She nods. “Well, I guess you talk about yourselves. Get to know each other more to see if you’re interested and compatible with each other. Why don’t you tell me about your major. I didn’t know that you’re in college. What do you study?”

And that was how the rest of the night went. Talking and sharing stories and lamenting over shenanigans that their younger siblings had done. She learned that he had three officially adopted younger brothers, but the Wayne household was home to quite a few of their friends and ‘honorary’ siblings. Jazz told him a little about the time she was growing up, a very curated version but necessary alteration.

By the end of the night, Dick walked her back to her room and bade her goodnight. As soon as she walked into her shared apartment Lucy and Jessica were on her like wolves on an injured animal. They just about backed her up against the door as they crowded in and basically shouted questions over top of each other.

“Was that Dick?” Lucy demanded. “Did he walk you back?”

“Oh my god, did he kiss you? Did you like it?” Jessica questioned with fierce determination in her eyes.

Lucy gasps. “No, he wouldn’t go that far yet, right? Jazzy here wouldn’t let him.”

Jessica nods wisely. “You’re right, you’re right. She’s far too uptight to let him do that.”

“Wha- hey!” Was all Jazz was able to get out before her two friends, and teammates, bulldozed over her.

“Holy shit, you are so right. It probably has to do with her always psychoanalyzing everyone she meets.”

“See, see. But he did walk her back so there has to be some kind of interest. Right?”

“Right.” They both turn back to Jazz. “So are you gonna tell us about him or are you just going to stand there?”

There’s a moment of silence where Jazz makes sure that they’ll actually let her talk. She gives them both a look and they nod, encouraging her to go on. “He was, nice.” Was all she was able to say before a bright red blush made its home on her face.

Lucy and Jessica both burst into twittering giggles. Jazz just sighs. It was going to be one hell of a long night and she fears that it will be an even longer time before she could indulge in a hot shower. She’d really been looking forward to that. Oh well.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jazz couldn’t believe it.

She had placed. In the Olympics. How in all of the Infinite Realms, did she manage to do that? It didn’t feel like something she could accomplish. Sure Jazz had started bettering her aim when it became apparent that she was more of a danger than a help to Danny. But that didn’t explain just how all of this happened. It felt like she’d somehow stumbled upon the most unbelievable series of events and the following consequences.

“Jazz! Good job!” Her coach cheered when she came back from the podium. “I think in celebration, we should take the whole team out for a nice dinner!”

Jazz just nodded. She wasn’t quite sure if the reality she was currently experiencing actually was reality or just a trick some ghost was playing on her. In the end she decided that she might as well enjoy the moment, if it ended up not being real she could kick the ecto entity’s ass into next millennium. So she spent the rest of the night in a fancy French restaurant surrounded by her teammates as they all cheered for her and showed her their unwavering support. It had to be the most fun she’d had in a long time, maybe the most fun she’s ever had to begin with.

When dinner had been finished and cleaned up, they all stumbled out into the streets. Now that all of their events were over, they were free to go sightseeing until their ride home in a week or so. Jazz could feel the sheer amount of ecto that radiated throughout the older parts of Paris. And it may be a bad thing that the ambient ecto was starting to make her feel a bit buzzed. Like she’d had a couple drinks and was now somewhere between waking and unconsciousness. Everything felt warm and fuzzy, as if nothing bad could ever happen. Not now, not ever. Soon the fuzziness was interrupted by one very handsome and dashing Dick Grayson.

She smiled widely at him. She couldn’t really string together words to make a coherent sentence at the moment but she knew that actions spoke louder than words.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jazz woke with a start. The first thing she noticed was how badly her head hurt. A pounding headache was overtaking her entire thought process to the point of wanting to just go back to sleep. And she was really considering it as well. But when she settled back into her cardboard bed, another presence in her bed made themselves known. Jazz is frozen in place, afraid that if she moves at all the other person will wake up. But with her sudden stiffening the other person carelessly ensnares her in their hold and presses her to them. Now there’s a delightfully toned and warm body that is fully pressed to her back. One strong arm encircles her waist as the other pillows her head.

This, this was bad. Jazz tried to wrack her brain to figure out what happened or even how it happened. The last thing she remembered was that she came in third place in the finals, everyone being ecstatic over the placement, and them all going out to eat at a local restaurant. Then she came back? Jazz wasn’t sure, that’s when it started to get hazy. First of all, before she did anything else, she needed to figure out who the hell was in bed with her and how the hell to get out of this specific situation. So, carefully, she turned around to get a look at the person that was currently sharing her bed. And why was she not surprised to come face to face with a naked Dick Grayson?

‘Wait, naked?’ Was all she could think.

A cursory glance down tells her that she is also buck naked. There are constellations of hickeys and love bites all down her chest and torso, with a few decorating her arms and legs. She had absolutely no doubt that if her body looked like this, her neck would more than likely look like a scarf of blues and purples. Of course, with a closer look, Dick didn’t seem to come out of whatever happened unscathed either. He had his own intricate pattern of hickeys and love bites across his skin. There were a few surface level scratches along his arms and shoulders though.

Jazz was staring at Dick, in all his fully naked glory, when he woke up. It was a slow process. A lot slower than her own jolting into consciousness. His eyes fluttered open for a split second before closing again. He pulls her in even closer, twining his legs with hers, the arm under her head shifting so that he had better access to card through her messy red locks, his other hand drifting down to caress her butt. With how close they were now pressed together, Jazz could feel his erection firming up against her stomach.

Jazz lets out a little squeak at all of the contact. She’s still uncertain about if this is ok, but she sure as hell knows that it all feels really damn good. His eyes jump open and he holds her in a more protective way as he scans the room for some unknown danger or threat. When his sleepy brain finally figures out that there wasn’t anything of the likes in the room he settles again before glancing down at her. They lock eyes and he smiles. It’s a wide and sleepy thing, like he still isn’t quite fully awake. It makes Jazz blush like none other.

“Mornin’ beautiful. Di’n’t think you’d s’ill be here when I woke up. Nice to see you’re s’ill ’ere though.” Dick’s voice is an even deeper timbre with sleep roughness softening his words.

“I’m, I’m not sure what exactly happened?” Jazz says in an unconfident tone. She shifts away from her bed partner to try and gain just a little more space between them. Though with how narrow the bed was, she didn’t have much success. “How, exactly, did we get here?”

That woke Dick up a bit more. Clarity was slowly starting to show in his eyes as the sleepiness began to fade. “What’d you mean? Here, like in your room, or here like in your bed?”

“Um, both?” Jazz answers honestly.

Dick hums, relaxing back into the tiny twin mattress. “We went on another date after you had a celebratory dinner with your team.” Luckily he wasn’t slurring his words too badly. Meaning Jazz could understand him more clearly. “We took a tour down into the tunnels. You know, the ones filled with bones?” Jazz nods, not really like where this was going. “After we’d been down there for a little while you started acting weird. Kind of like you had alcohol or you somehow got drugged. And I swear, I didn’t do anything like that to you. If you don’t believe me, that's alright.” He leans back and stares up at the ceiling.

“I believe you.” Jazz says in quiet confidence.

Dick whips his gaze back to hers. “You do?”

She nods. “I know this feeling and sadly it’s nothing a mortal could ever inflict.” She sighs heavily and slumps into Dick’s chest.

She really should’ve been more careful traveling around a city that had so much death. The ecto was deep seated and older than anything she could ever hope to find in America. It was no wonder her body reacted the way it had. It didn’t help that the centuries and centuries of ghostly wants and needs that had piled up had found a way to become fulfilled through her. Jazz knew that she was a far more likely choice as a conduit for the dead than others.

“Anything a mortal could inflict?” Dick repeated, though it sounded like he was repeating it more to himself than back to her.

Jazz hummed. “Yep. Lucky you, you seemed to have been able to bed the former Queen Regent of the Infinite Realms. I don’t really count as fully human or mortal anymore.” She closes her eyes, suddenly feeling more tired than she should be. They should be able to squeeze in a nap before anyone came looking for them, right?

“Jazz?” Dick tries to shake her awake. She just groans and shifts to hide her face in his chest. If she’s gone as far as the situation implies, then she’s going to enjoy it, dammit. Dick shakes her again, a little more firmly now. “Jazz, you can’t just dump that on me and expect to not have to explain.” His voice sounds reedy and stressed.

She hums and further cuddles into his chest. “Later.” She says. “Not now. Sleep now, talk later.”

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

And later they did talk.

It took a few hours but Jazz patiently answered all of the questions she could over a late lunch. With just the two of them in the room, Jazz was more than willing to answer any questions Dick might’ve had. They exchanged numbers and promised to stay in contact. Sure they still had at least another week to spend in Paris but she sure as hell hoped that he’d stay away from her until they were back in the States. Of course, the universe couldn’t make this too easy otherwise she wouldn’t be a Fenton.

“Mr. Wayne, how nice to meet you.” Jazz says with a slightly strained smile as she shakes Bruce Wayne’s hand. She shoots Dick a scathing look. “I didn’t realize you were even in the country.”

“Of course I would be in the country.” Mr. Wayne says with that kind of air headedness that only those born with too much money have. “It’s not every year that my eldest son competes in the Olympics.”

Dick clears his throat. “This is the third time I’ve been in the Olympics, dad. You came to see me in Tokyo too.” He was wearing a fond smile and it made Jazz’s heart do a little flip in her chest.

“Really?” Mr. Wayne asks, his brows knit together in deep thought. Trying to figure out how he’d forgotten the event. Dick nods. “Hmm, my memory must be slipping from me in my old age.” Mr. Wayne says with some sort of faux concern.

Jazz keeps a pleasant smile on her face. Sure she might not be as knowledgeable about nearly all celebrities, but even she knew who Mr. Wayne was. It was kind of hard not to when Tucker would talk about Wayne Tech near constantly. Now that she thought about it, Jazz was fairly certain that she’d heard Sam complain about Mr. Wayne and his gaggle of adopted children. How had she not made the connection earlier?

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Jessica walking into the room. Jazz perks up at the potential escape. She catches her friend’s eye and they have a silent conversation with Jazz asking for her help and Jessica rolling her eyes but agreeing anyway.

“Jazz! Lucy and I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Jessica loudly calls as she walks over to the group. “C’mon! You’re gonna be late for your interview!”

Jessica didn’t even stop to consider just who she’d interrupted but ended up shuffling Jazz out of the room quite successfully.

“I-wait, I had an interview today?” Jazz asked in confused surprise.

“Uh, yeah.” Jessica said, rolling her eyes. “You’d think for a psych major you’d be more organized.”

“Hey!” Jazz complained with a pout. “I’ll have you know that I am actually very organized.”

“And yet here we are.” The smirk obvious in her voice, even if Jazz couldn't personally see her face.

Jazz rolled her own eyes and looked over her shoulder. “I’ll see you guys later! It was nice to meet you Mr. Wayne!” She shouts with a mildly embarrassed expression.

Once they’re a safe distance away, Jazz slows down and looks over at Jessica. “I don’t actually have an interview that I seriously forgot about, right?”

“No, you do. It starts in like 10 minutes. So you better start running missy.” Jessica says with a devilish grin.

Jazz stares at her, wide eyed and disbelieving. “Seriously? Jess, what the hell!” And with that Jazz took off running with Jessica laughing manically in the background.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jazz sighed deeply as she relaxed into her economy class plane seat. It had been a very stressful last few days. What with dodging not only Dick but also Mr. Wayne. Because she had a feeling that they were going to pin her down and demand even more information out of her that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing without Danny’s consent. Though, as soon as she was able to get back home and talk with her little brother, she had a feeling that she’d be seeing more of Dick and his family.

Jazz sighs again and leans against the wall, looking out the window at the painted clouds beneath the plane. In all honesty she was just ready for a nap and a full course meal of Ectoplasm. Even with the surplus of ecto that was in Paris, it didn’t taste quite right. And it didn’t help when the whole waking up naked in bed with someone thing happened. She should probably ask Frostbite about that and if it had any lasting consequences.

“You ready to head home?” Lucy says, a large smile plastered on her face.

Jazz hums and closes her eyes for a moment. “Yeah. I think I’m ready to just be home right now. It’s been a stressful couple of weeks.”

“True that. Kinda sucks that we weren’t able to stay for the closing ceremonies as well. Hopefully next time we’ll be able to.” Lucy says in a cheerful tone. How was she so chipper when Jazz could feel the exhaustion dragging at her bones?

“I’m not sure I’ll even make it on the team for the next Olympics. Besides, this isn’t what I want to do for a living. I just got here through a very lucky set of circumstances.” Jazz gives Lucy a tired smile before laying down against the wall, looking back out at the slowly fading sun set.

“I don’t think you’ll be that lucky Jazz.” Jessica says as she twists around in her seat to face them. “I don’t think Coach would let you skip out after placing on the podium.”

Jazz just sighs overdramatically as her two friends giggle at her antics. And maybe it wasn’t all that bad? She had a new community that supported her and friends that didn’t judge her because of her background. Maybe she could keep doing this. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll see Dick at the next Olympics too. Jazz smiles softly at that thought. Yeah, that sounded nice.

DPxDC the Olympics AU.

Jazz is competing for sharpshooting

Dick is competing for team gymnastics

Y’all can work it out from there :)

#now i’m imaging maddie and jack going ‘ah yes do you remember when we went to the olympics mads?’ to the shock their kids and everyone #maddie placed in martial arts/rhythm gymnastics #jack placed in one of the ‘heavy weight’ sports like weight lifting or hammer or sumo etc #possibly even getting a medal - but not gold - and they just never mentioned it ever #maybe he’s solo men’s gymnastics too i just think he’d be in a team to put less eyes on him #dpxdc #danny phantom #dp x dc #bones prompts #and yet i just think they would get along great as both older siblings and people with too much weight in their shoulders #prev tags #paris olympics #2024 paris olympics #ao3 #I wrote fanfic instead of sleeping #such is life #there is no other way of doing it -w-

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solarismoons · 2 days ago

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SPOILERS FOR S2 EP7 OF SCHOOL SPIRITS

Mr. Martin rowing away with Janet is so ominous…

His acting is SO great. His mannerisms and the way he speaks is so perfect. “We deserve this.”

“It makes me sad.. That we couldn’t have gone to any of these places together.” NO one can tell me Maddie doesn’t like Wally as much as he likes her. That girl is in love.

I genuinely didn’t expect everyone to be right about Yuri and Charley! They recreated that pottery making scene!! I did not expect them to get freaky, but i’m NOT complaining.

IM GONNA SCREAM. The way Wally hooked his finger in her bra strap??? My heart is actually beating so fast..I know i’ve said this before, but the tongue is INSANE.

I love how the ghosts are having sex with each other while the living kids are literally crashing out.

I really wish we saw Quinn going into her scar for the first time… I really wonder what it would’ve looked like.

IM ACTUALLY CRYING. I did NOT expect to see Milo’s bare ass today, but DAMN… My jaw dropped to the FLOOR.

“It’s kind of hard not to think about everything that’s waiting for me here.” Ugh, don’t make me cry today PLEASE.

I’m a little surprised there was no talk of Maddie begin a virgin, since that seemed fairly important to her in the first season. I’m not complaining at all though, because WOW..

“Oh, god! I’m gonna need to guys to peel yourselves off each other and come down to the library stat.” The way Maddie nor Wally didn’t even TRY to cover up is killing me. They genuinely don’t GAF.

They were planning on torturing the other ghosts?? This just keeps getting worse and worse the more we learn.

“I’m glad it was you, too.” Please don’t make me like these two together…

‘Notice of suspension’??? God, i feel so awful for Simon. I never even thought of how this affected him. He’s missed so many classes countless times.. What about his future? He flunked that one college admission interview, too. If anything bad happens to Simon, i’m throwing a tantrum.

Oh my god… Poor Rhonda. I love her so much. Knowing she was alone with Janet and Mr. Martin for so long is just so horrifying.

I didn’t expect Dawn to be so involved! I love how she’s really not stupid or airheaded. She’s just a little eccentric. I’m so glad we got another scene with her.

This show is honestly a horror movie at this point… ‘Mr. Anderson’ being soaking wet, covered in mud with his head gushing blood walking around with a fireplace poker is terrifying. My heart is beating so fast.

Mr. Martins manipulating Janet is infuriating. I don’t even have the words to express how much I hate him.

Poor Quinn! I feel so bad. “I died knowing that everyone was mad at me.” My baby 😞💔💔.

“You can’t just leave me now.” STOP. I love them so much it hurts so bad.

I really didn’t expect Simon and Maddie to argue but it was bound to happen.

“Is this because of Wally?” I called it. I fucking called it. I KNEW this was going to come up. Kristian’s acting always gets me. I love Simon so much.

Patrick Gilmores acting is amazing. He somehow even sounds like Mr. Martin and it’s terrifying. Also, he’s lowkey hot and i’m not sorry for saying that.

Mr. Martin forcing Janet into the hellscape made me sick to my stomach.

This fandom is so smart it blows my mind. Everyone said Mr. South must know more about the scars than we had thought. I kind of thought he was just being melodramatic, but the more we saw the scars I changed my mind.

Everyone was right about the scar being Mr. Martin’s. This makes a whole lot more sense. The woman could’ve been his finance, considering the fact that we haven’t seen her before.

This episode was genuinely insane. I still haven’t even fully processed anything.

#i’m still reeling #from that ass shot #school spirits #milo manheim #school spirits season 2 #wally clark #maddie nears #split river high #peyton list #charley school spirits #mally #spoilers #rhonda school spirits #quinn school spirits #yuri school spirits #patrick gilmore

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misakiisstupid · 1 day ago

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CONFIDENTIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORT PATIENT: Richard "Dick" Grayson THERAPIST: Dr. Misaki Eto SESSION DATE: [REDACTED] FILE STATUS: TOP SECRET

SESSION NOTES:

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Dr. Misaki Eto enters the room with a cup of tea, placing it in front of Richard Grayson, who is sitting with a bright—albeit tired—smile.

Dr. Eto: "Alright, Richard. Before we begin, I should let you know that this is a safe space. You can talk about anything, no judgment. Also, I brought tea. Because, frankly, you look like you need it."

Grayson: chuckles "Oh, you have no idea." takes the tea gratefully "And you can call me Dick."

Dr. Eto: "Dick, then. So, tell me, what brings you here today? And if you say ‘Bruce made me,’ I will absolutely call him and tell him he needs therapy first."

Grayson: laughs, but it sounds a little too practiced "Well… technically, it wasn’t Bruce. It was a friend. They said I needed to ‘get my head checked out’ because I don’t know how to take a break. Which is ridiculous, by the way. I love breaks. Breaks are great."

Dr. Eto: raises an eyebrow "Uh-huh. And when was your last break?"

Grayson: sips his tea, eyes darting to the ceiling as if the answer is written there "...Does sleep count?"

Dr. Eto: "If you have to ask, then no. So, when was it?"

Grayson: "Define ‘break.’"

Dr. Eto: "Time where you are not working, fighting, solving other people’s problems, or emotionally carrying an entire group of people who do not understand the concept of processing their emotions properly."

Grayson: silence blinks sips tea

Dr. Eto: "Yeah, that’s what I thought."

Grayson: sighs, rubbing his face "Okay, okay. So maybe I don’t take breaks. But I like helping people. I can’t just… stop. What if someone needs me?"

Dr. Eto: "What if you need you?"

Grayson: pauses, clearly thrown off "...Well, damn."

Dr. Eto: "Yeah. Damn. That’s what I thought." leans forward "Dick, I’ve seen a lot of people like you. People who think that if they just keep moving, they won’t have to deal with all the weight they’re carrying. But let me ask you this: what happens when you finally stop?"

Grayson: "...I don’t know."

Dr. Eto: nods knowingly "That’s the problem, isn’t it? You don’t know because you never stop. You’re a high-functioning burnout case waiting to happen."

Grayson: huffs "Okay, that’s dramatic."

Dr. Eto: "Is it? You flinch when I bring up rest. You deflect with humor. You refuse to admit you’re exhausted because then you’d have to acknowledge that you need help. And if you do that, then what? You think everyone around you is going to fall apart?"

Grayson: "...Maybe."

Dr. Eto: "Alright, let’s do something fun. On a scale from ‘I’m doing great’ to ‘I cried in my car last week and pretended it was just allergies,’ how are you?"

Grayson: sips tea aggressively

Dr. Eto: nods "Got it. Not great."

Grayson: laughs softly "You’re good at this."

Dr. Eto: "You’re not the first person I’ve met who wears a smile like armor." leans back in chair "But here’s the thing, Dick. I don’t care how many people you help if you’re running yourself into the ground while doing it. If you burn out, if you collapse, who takes care of you?"

Grayson: quietly "...I don’t know."

Dr. Eto: softens "That’s what we need to fix. You deserve rest, Dick. You deserve to stop without feeling guilty about it."

Grayson: nods slowly "...That’s really hard for me."

Dr. Eto: "I know. Which is why I already made the decision for you."

Grayson: blinks "...What?"

Dr. Eto: "You’re taking a mandatory two-week break. Effective immediately. No work, no fighting crime, no carrying the emotional baggage of your entire family. Just rest."

Grayson: laughs, but in the way someone does when they’re hoping you’re joking "You can’t be serious."

Dr. Eto: "Dead serious. And to make sure you actually take this break, I’ve already written letters."

Grayson: "...Letters?"

Dr. Eto: "Letters. One to your work—because I know you have a job outside of whatever it is you actually do—one to your family, and one to whoever signs off on your daily self-sacrificial tendencies."

Grayson: stares "You did not."

Dr. Eto: smugly "Oh, I did. And if I hear that you are not taking this break, I will personally show up at your home and read them all aloud."

Grayson: mutters "This is an abuse of power."

Dr. Eto: "This is therapy."

Grayson: sighs, rubbing his temples "Okay, okay. You win. Two weeks."

Dr. Eto: smiles warmly "Good. Now, finish your tea. It’s supposed to help with stress."

Grayson: "Do you have one that helps with existential crises?"

Dr. Eto: grins "I’ll see what I can do."

[END TRANSCRIPT]

THERAPIST NOTES: Diagnosis: Overworked. Severely emotionally exhausted. Too good at pretending he’s fine.

Treatment Plan: Mandatory two-week break. Monitor stress levels. Introduce actual rest as a concept. Maybe trick him into hobbies that don’t involve saving people.

Letters Sent:

One to his very concerned workplace

One to his probably dysfunctional family

One to the man who may or may not be Batman

Conclusion: Richard Grayson is a chronic overachiever with a hero complex the size of Gotham. He is a genuinely good person who struggles to believe he deserves rest. For now, I will force him into taking a break. If he does not take it, I will personally track down the person who raised him and tell them to intervene.

…Though, something tells me that person is also in desperate need of therapy.

FILE STATUS: ACTIVE NEXT SESSION: TWO WEEKS (AFTER HE ACTUALLY RESTS)

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dailylcy · 19 hours ago

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10. sweet like you ( literally ) — end

When you arrive to The bakery, its already closed.

Not just for the afternoon rush or because Anton ran out of ingredients — no, it’s completely, deliberately closed. The lights are dimmer than usual, the “CLOSED” sign hangs in the window, and the usual noises from inside are now gone

Instead, there’s just you. And Anton.

“You… closed the shop?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Anton stands behind the counter, wiping his hands on his apron, an unmistakable nervousness in his posture. “Yeah” he says. “For a very, very special customer.”

Your stomach flips.

On the counter in front of you is a single plate. Sitting on it is a croissant — flaky, golden & dusted with just the right amount of powdered sugar. But next to it is something else. A small, folded note with your name on it, written in Anton’s recognisable, neat handwriting.

Your fingers shake slightly as you pick it up and unfold it.

“I’ve been baking for years, but nothing I’ve ever made is as sweet as you.”

You catch your breath.

“I wanted to tell you properly” Anton says, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I figured, if I can’t say it with words, maybe I can say it the best way I know how.”

You look up at him, heart racing. His ears are bright pink now, and he’s avoiding your eyes just a little, like he’s bracing himself.

“You—” You swallow. “You like me?”

He lets out a quiet laugh, glancing at you with something so soft in his gaze that it nearly knocks the air out of your lungs.

“I do,” he says simply. “A lot.”

Your chest feels tight in the best way.

Anton likes you.

You don’t even realize you’re smiling until his expression relaxes, like he’s been waiting for that reaction.

“You know what’s funny?” you say, stepping closer to him.

He tilts his head. “What?”

“I’ve been coming here for months because I thought you were sweeter.”

Anton blinks. Then he huffs out a shy laugh. “That was bad.”

“You loved it.”

“Maybe.”

Then, There’s a moment — a lingering second where neither of you moves. The only sound is the faint hum of the kitchen appliances, the scent of fresh pastries thick in the air.

And then, as if drawn together by something inevitable, you close the space between you.

Anton barely has time to react before you press a quick, hesitant kiss on his cheek. his breath catches, and when you pull back, his expression is somewhere between stunned and completely smitten.

“You just kissed me” he says, like he’s trying to process it in real-time.

You laugh. “I did.”

Anton exhales, then shakes his head with a quiet chuckle.

“You’re lucky I already closed the shop,” he murmurs, his voice lower now, playful.

“Why?”

“Because I think I need to do that again” he says softly.

And before you can reply, he cups your cheeks, leans in, and kisses you properly — just like the croissant on the counter, It was sweet like you, and just like everything about this moment.

Maybe you should start that support group. Because falling for Anton? Yeah. There’s no coming back from this.

previous | masterlist | ♡

note. and this is the end for sweet like you! i hope you guys liked this smau , it was my first ever and i really enjoyed making it and thank you for all the support on it 🫧 would love to hear feedback about this because i am planning on releasing more smaus in the future , thank uuuu <3

to my main masterlist

taglist : @tkooooop @babyjinsu @pxnklover @rinyangz @nujeskz @urlovelily @jvngw0nlvr @jkeydiary @rckstar1ton @antosaurius @amortiff @imsosoheee @kukkurookkoo @strawbrryvyy @whoisgwyn @cinnabells @getoxo @saranghoeforanton @jia127zen @hainim01

#riize #riize anton #riize fanfic #riize imagines #riize seunghan #riize eunseok #riize shotaro #riize sungchan #riize x reader #riize angst #riize fluff #riize scenarios #riize smau #anton smau #anton fluff #anton imagines #anton x reader #anton lee #dailylcy posts ⊹ ࣪ ˖

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cassandra-collin · 3 days ago

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I have facial dysmorphia, and I’ve booked an appointment with a psychologist for it. I’m going to do what’s called EMDR therapy.

I don’t really like going to psychologists, but my facial dysmorphia was so severe that I started having suicid@l thoughts and would spend more than three hours a day just looking at myself in the mirror, doing nothing else with my days.

I know that one of my mom’s friends once told her I was beautiful, and the son of her friend also said I had no reason to feel insecure (in a positive way). I’ve been catcalled before, and I also heard a man say, "This girl is pretty," (in french) when he saw me, talking to his friends. Even when I went out yesterday, some men stared at me (I didn’t see them, it’s my mom who told me). But every time, I just tell myself, “They were probably talking about someone else,” “They were just looking at the road,” or “They were probably only looking at my body.” (I think men focus more on my body, like the man who asked me if I did dance.)

I think people don’t realize how hard this is, especially when you don’t receive much external validation outside of social media and a few men on the street. I feel like I’ve been heavily influenced by beauty standards, and I also think some of it might come from childhood trauma.

When I was little, an ex-best friend told me I was fat (there’s nothing wrong with being fat as long as there are no health issues related to it, but it was said as if it was something bad). In middle school, I constantly compared myself to other girls, telling myself they were always thinner and cuter than me. Now I wear an XXS, and I have no issues with my body—only with how I perceive my face.

I even realized that I was telling myself harmful things that were the exact same phrases some people said to me in the past, people who were really mean to me.

When a haircut doesn’t suit me (like the bangs I got recently, which I only posted once on my Tumblr before deleting it), or when my hair is just all over the place, I react much more negatively than someone who doesn’t have facial dysmorphia.

I also have a pretty androgynous face (and an androgynous voice as well), so that adds another layer to it.

And when I see a pretty girl who says she feels ugly (and you can tell she’s being sincere when she says it), and people comment under her video saying she’s just saying that to get compliments because, to them, a beautiful person can't be that insecure, it just annoys me.

Sometimes I find my face pretty and cute, but most of the time, I think it’s too big, too androgynous, too I don’t know… And the thing I notice the most is the expression lines on my face that have become a bit more pronounced (which you can't really see or don’t see at all in my photos because of the lighting, even if it's not done on purpose).

When I post pictures of myself online, I usually ask my mom if the photos look like me because I don’t really know what I look like and I don't want to come across as a "fake." It would make me feel guilty if they didn’t look like me. The only things I allow myself to modify on my face are my pimples and slightly my dark circles (it’s like using a little concealer).

After that, I edit my photos to make them more "aesthetic" (lighting). That’s it. If I don’t look like my photos, I delete them right away and don’t post them.

I also wear glasses, so I don’t really see my "real" face (except in videos and photos), but I plan to get contact lenses. I hope that when my bangs grow back, my facial dysmorphia will lessen as well (because I felt good or better with the haircut I had before, even though I still had facial dysmorphia).

I’m healing now, even though it’s tough, and I have a lot of trauma˖⁺‧₊˚ꨄ︎

(I’m writing all of this to share my experience with facial dysmorphia and to express how serious it can be. Writing about it also helps me calm down, even though I haven’t shared everything.)

Does anyone else look in the mirror long enough and examine your features to the point where you start to get physically nauseous? Just me? Ok

#facial dysmorphia #face dysmorphia #body dysmorphia #body image issues #girblogger #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #hell is a teenage girl

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elise-the-blind · 3 days ago

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So I’ve seen some artists show their idea of the next generation of Jak and Daxter aka the future kids Jak and his friends might have. Have you ever had thought about or drawn Jak and Keira kid and Tess x Dax kid?

ok, imma gonna have to admit something since this isn't the first times I've been asked this, but I actually have never made or had much interest in making fankids. I honestly dont know why I lack this brain chemical, with the amount of headcannons I come up with this should be right up my alley, but no.

But whatever, I'll think up as much as I can for this, just know that for my AU, its very unlikely these characters will be a part of any of it.

Damascus (son of Jak and Keira)

Named after Damas (because I think its funny). Grew up copying his dads constant scowl, but has never had an angry thought in his life. Took up his mums love of gadgets, focusing on precursor tech and will sneak around the monk temple for info (the monks are aware of this but dont mind, alittle confused on why he insists on sneaking in). Even though not mute he's still the least likely to speak out of all four. Was told a story about lurker sharks (probably told by Daxter) and now has a fear of the ocean.

Jak is very, VERY careful with what stories he tells his son and what lessons he might take from them and gives evil eyes to anyone who tries suggesting Damascus does the same hero stuff Jak did as a kid. Bro knows how badly all of that can go and does not want any of that for his son. A result of that is Damascus doesn't have a lot of experience with eco, only what he knows from Keira's family (green eco for first aid). He's only heard about light eco from the monks and he DEFINITELY doesn't know nadda about using dark eco. Damascus has only rarely seen the dark Jak, and always when he's in danger, so thinks of it just as "man my dad is so cool he can kick the butt of anyone that messes with me".

Has any of Jak's dark eco been passed on to Damascus? Something to ponder, I'm sure it wont affect him too badly.

The Triplets (Tess and Daxter's kids)

Cally (bow), Cash (piercings), Cade (gloves): They're the offspring of a sarcastic ego-filled furball and a gun manic bossbitch, you think any of them would be normal? no. All three are all different levels of shitshow, and are determined to make that everyone else's problem.

Cade is the honorary 'nerd' of the family, fixated on studying precursors and the worlds inner workings. Had an existential crisis at age 6 after thinking about whether or not they had any sort of human DNA from both their parents not being born an ottsel. He always follows Damascus around when he's snooping, making their own sworn oath of secrecy. Cade will sometimes ask his dad about dark eco which all of the time loops to "shit stings, stay out of it son." Once asked uncle Jak, got shut down real fast (bro you're giving your uncle Gol and Maia flashbacks pls stop he's too old for this).

Cash took the love of demolition from Tess and spends alot of time hanging around uncle Torn and aunt Ashelin learning about military mechanics and tactics used by the guard. She gets super hyped when hearing battle stories and sometimes pesters Damascus about anything his pa might have told him about metalheads. Because of the closeness Cash has with the leaders of Haven, she's one of the only kids that know in more detail about Jak's dark side and see's her uncle as a much more intimidating figure. She doesn't plan on telling Cade any of that despite his studies, she's alittle worried he'll get himself into trouble.

Cally got all the showboat center stage child energy from her dad, serving as the distraction for when the trio are doing crimes. Cally acts alot like 'Precursor Legacy' Daxter, always talking, always going for everyone's attention. Alot of that's an act of course, and Cally is often stuck running around making sure her siblings aren't caught in any mess or that the blame of any damage is shifted from them to someone else/her. Cally makes sure to involve Damascus in the chaos the three get into occasionally, even if he doesn't act interested. She once tired racing with Keira for the sake of fame, and while racing was dropped because of a fear of crashing, Cally is very skilled with vehicles and can speed across the city if she ever needs to get anywhere. She knows all secret paths in Haven and Spargus, if you're a target you will never get away, she will catch you.

Everyone takes part in keeping an eye on all of them (especially the triplets) but Sig makes sure that Damascus gets home safe each night, wouldn't want the past to repeat itself would we.

Pretty sure that's all I got. Maybe I'll do more with these guys if there's enough interest. Otherwise I'm back to comic stuff.

#jak and daxter #digital art #character art #jnd #character concept #fankid #art #ocs #a lot of words #too many words #why did i do this #fully entered fixation mode #whoops #please excuse any gramma mistakes #im sleep deprived

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the-winter-spider · 7 hours ago

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Yours, Always | Part Nine

Steve x reader, Bucky x reader AU

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: Little bit of this little bit of that

A/N: Steve and bucky meet next part 👀👀👀👀👀 Also ive decided since all my fics are inspired by songs and this one wasnt i was searching for one and ive declared Iris this stories song.

Masterpost

---

“God, I can’t wait to go home.”

Bucky leans back against the pillows, a lazy smile stretching across his face, you sit in the chair beside his bed, legs tucked under you, grinning at him.

“Nothing’s really changed,” you tell him, shaking your head. “It’s all the same.”

Bucky raises his eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You shrug. “It’s just… not as vibrant as I remember it to be.”

Bucky tilts his head, watching you. Then, softer now, more certain. “That’s because it was never the place that made it vibrant.”

Your brows furrow. “No?”

He shakes his head. “It was us, we were the ones who made it full of life. We made it home, we made it everything.”

Your chest tightens at that, letting out a small laugh, shaking your head. “Damn, Buck. Are you getting all sentimental on me?”

He smirks. “What can I say? I’ve had a lot of time to think.”

Before you can respond, there’s a knock on the door. You both turn as it swings open, revealing a man standing in the doorway. “Bucky?”

Bucky’s eyes go wide. “Sam.”

And then before you can even blink they’re moving toward each other, Bucky pushes himself off the bed, wincing slightly as he stands, but he doesn’t hesitate.

Sam is on him in an instant, wrapping him in a tight hug, clapping his back.

“Shit, man,” Sam exhales, his voice thick with emotion. “I thought I was never gonna see your ugly face again. They had me at some other hospital, had to bribe the nurses to let me out early.”

Bucky laughs, squeezing his friend tighter. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Wilson.”

They pull back, and Sam grins, shaking his head. “Damn, Buck, so good to see you, you look better already.”

Bucky smirks. “And you still look...old”

Sam laughs, shoving him lightly. “You were gone the same amount of time as me man, you look old too.” His gaze shifts, brown eyes land on you.

He pauses, taking you in for a moment before a knowing smirk spreads across his face. “And who is this beautiful lady?” Sam asks smoothly, stepping toward you.

You laugh, extending your hand. “Y/N.”

Sam grips your hand, shaking it, he looks back at Bucky. “Oh snap, this is her.”

Bucky looks so damn proud when he nods. “This is her.”

Before you can react, Sam tugs you into a hug.

You laugh, wrapping your arms around him. “Nice to meet you too, Sam.”

“Feels like I already know you,” he says, pulling back slightly. “This guy wouldn’t shut up about you.”

You turn to Bucky, raising an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Bucky shrugs, smirking. “Not my fault you’re my favorite topic.”

Sam laughs, crossing his arms. “Yeah, yeah and by the way..” he leans in slightly, eyes glinting with mischief. “I totally think it was your fault you guys got caught swimming in the school pool that night.”

Your mouth drops open. “Bucky!” You turn to him, scandalized. “That was your fault! You were the one laughing too loud!”

Bucky throws his hands up. “Hey, don’t pin that on me! You’re the one who dared me to do a cannonball!”

“That was after we were already caught, you asshole!”

Sam bursts out laughing. “Oh, I like her,” he says, nudging Bucky. “She’s got a mouth on her. Good luck with that, man.”

Bucky smirks, watching you with something soft in his eyes. “Yeah. I know.”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head, but you’re smiling.

The three of you settle in comfortably, Bucky back on the bed, you still in the chair beside him, and Sam dragging a chair from the corner of the room.

It’s easy. Sam is talking, filling the space with stories about all the stupid shit Bucky got into before they were captured.

“I swear, man, this idiot thought he could outdrink all of us one night when we were stationed overseas.”

You snort, looking at Bucky. “That sounds about right.”

“Yeah?” Sam grins. “Well, guess what happened?”

You tilt your head, pretending to think. “He ended up half-naked on a rooftop singing old rock songs?”

Sam bursts out laughing, pointing at you. “See? She gets it! She knows you, man.”

Bucky just shakes his head, smirking. “You two are already teaming up against me, unreal.”

“I’m just saying,” Sam continues, leaning forward, “this guy was a menace. If there was trouble, Barnes found it.”

“He always did,” you muse, shaking your head with a small smile.

Then Sam shifts, his voice softening slightly, a teasing edge still there, but something knowing underneath. “Only time he wasn’t getting into some dumb shit was when he was writing his little letters.”

Your breathing stops.

“Didn’t matter what we were doing,” Sam continues. “Playing cards, watching movies, getting in fights, this guy would be off to the side, scribbling away.”

Your face heats up, you can feel Bucky’s eyes on you.

“You should’ve seen it,” Sam chuckles. “Like clockwork, every damn day. We’d be out tossing a football, and Barnes? Sitting there with his little notebook, writing about God knows what.”

Your stomach churns.

You already know what.

You.

Because you read every single one of them you just never wrote him back.

Bucky must notice the shift in your expression, the way your fingers twitch in your lap, his voice is softer when he speaks. “You okay?”

You force yourself to look at him.

He’s watching you carefully, his brows drawn together just slightly, like he’s trying to read the emotions playing across your face.

You swallow hard. “Yeah.”

Bucky doesn’t look convinced, neither does Sam, honestly.

You clear your throat, shifting in your seat. “I just, I didn’t know you spent so much time writing.”

Bucky tilts his head slightly. “What did you think I was doing?”

You hesitate, softer, quieter. “I don’t know. Trying to move on, maybe.”

Something in Bucky’s expression breaks. “There was never moving on from you, Y/N. Never will be. What we have is different, I’d be stupid to look anywhere else for it.” He paused realising how it sounds so he back peddled, “Our friendship is everything to me.”

The words are so simple, so certain, like they were never up for debate and truthfully he couldn’t even fathom the idea of a world where you weren’t still the most important thing to him.

Your chest twists, you don’t trust yourself to speak. So instead, you just squeeze your hands together in your lap, staring down at them.

The silence that follows is heavy. Sam clears his throat. “Well, damn. I was trying to lighten the mood, not make it emotional.”

You let out a soft, watery laugh.

“You should know for future reference,” Bucky smirks, “wherever she and I go, it's a rollercoaster.”

Sam grins, shaking his head. “Noted, guess I’ll have to start cracking more jokes around you two. I hate the damn drops on those things.”

Bucky smirks. “You could try, but she’s funnier than you.”

“Oh, hell no,” Sam scoffs. “Y/N, back me up here. Who’s funnier?”

You pretend to think, tapping your chin. With a small smirk. “Definitely me.”

Bucky throws his head back, laughing.

Sam groans. “Great, another one. I'm gonna get gained up on with you two aren't I?"

---

The desert heat was relentless, pressing down on them like a weight that never let up. The air smelled of sand, sweat, and gun oil, the sounds of distant training drills filling the space between their conversation.

Bucky sat on the edge of his cot, his boots unlaced, uniform dusted with the day’s grime. He was hunched over, pen in hand, scribbling in his usual frantic way. The dim glow of the tent’s single overhead light flickered, casting long shadows on the canvas walls.

Sam, lying back on his own cot, hands folded behind his head, watched him with an amused expression. “Man, I gotta ask, what’s the deal with this girl?”

Bucky’s pen paused mid-sentence. His shoulders stiffened, but he kept his eyes on the page. “What girl?”

Sam snorted. “Oh, don’t even play dumb. You’ve been writing to her damn near every night since we got here. I don’t even write my sister this much.”

A couple of the other guys in their unit chuckled, listening in. Bucky sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s complicated.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “So uncomplicated it. You either love her, or you don’t.”

Bucky hesitated, tapping his pen against his knee. “Of course I love her but It’s not that simple, man. We were always… almost something. There were a million moments where I thought she felt the same way. But then I’d think… what if I was wrong? What if she was just being sweet, and if i put it all out there, and it ruined everything? What if I lost her completely? She’s my best friend, I couldn't handle that.”

Sam sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. “So where are her letters?”

Bucky’s brows furrowed. “What?”

Sam shook his head, exhaling.“You’re writing to her, but I don’t see any from her.”

Silence.

Bucky stared down at his half-finished letter, his grip tightening around the pen.

Sam’s expression softened. “Buck…”

“I lied to her,” Bucky admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sam’s head tilted slightly. “What do you mean?”

Bucky swallowed hard. “I never told her I enlisted.”

Sam blinked. “Shit.”

“I kept putting it off,” Bucky continued, his voice strained. “I knew she’d be pissed, and I was in too deep with our plans. We were supposed to go to New York together, go to school, start our lives. And I…I was too much of a coward to tell her that wasn’t gonna happen.” He let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “And then I got the letter a week early. They wanted me in for training sooner than my set date. I was literally packing my bags when she showed up at my house, and she…she saw me getting ready to leave.”

Sam winced. “Damn, that looks really bad.”

Bucky let out a long breath, eyes shining with something unreadable. “Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

Bucky’s jaw tightened. “She told me she hated me, that she never wanted to see me again.”

Sam’s expression softened. “Buck, there’s no way she meant that.”

Bucky laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Then why isn’t she writing me back?” His voice cracked. “It’s been a year, I’m over here, and she’s over there, and I…I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Sam clapped a hand on his shoulder, firm and grounding. “We got another eight months, then we’re home.”

Bucky swallowed, his throat thick.

“And when we get back,” Sam continued, “you’re gonna go get your girl and no chickening out this time. We do it for real, especially if I’m involved.”

That got a small, watery laugh out of Bucky. “Yeah?”

Sam grinned. “Yeah, man. We’ll fix this. You’ll see. I’m the best wing man out there.”

Bucky nodded, exhaling slowly, staring down at the unfinished letter in his lap.

Eight more months.

Then, he’d go home and he’d finally get to be with you.

----

It was time, you had to go home and you didn’t want to. You wanted to go with Bucky but you had a life, a life that no longer felt like yours with your whole world standing in front of you. The airport is loud and busy, but to you, it feels like the world has shrunk down to just this moment.

Just you and Bucky, standing at the gate about to part ways again.

Winnie is nearby, speaking with the flight attendant, her eyes flickering back to the two of you every few seconds, watching, waiting.

Bucky exhales slowly, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. His bandaged shoulder is stiff, his body still adjusting to freedom, but right now, all of his focus is on you.

“So… when are you coming home?” His voice is quiet, almost hesitant.

Your stomach twists.

“Bucky, I—” You sigh, shaking your head. “Things are… complicated.”

His brows furrow. “Complicated how?” He knew you had your own family but he was being selfish but he only really felt happiness around you, when you weren’t there his mind would wander to the last 8 years and what he went through.

You look down, fidgeting with the strap of your bag. “I have Lily and Steve. My whole life is in New York now. I can’t just…no matter how much I want to, I just…” You bite your lip, looking up at him. “I promise I’ll be there soon. I just need time to figure some things out.”

Bucky nods, but you can see the pain in his eyes, the way his jaw tenses like he’s holding something back. “I really don’t want to be away from you again, I don’t know if I can..”

Your chest tightens. “I know,” you whisper.

His eyes are glistening, a tear threatening to spill. “This is really hard for me.” His throat bobs.

You swallow the lump in your own throat and reach for his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I know, Bucky. But we’ll call, we’ll video chat every day, okay? It’s not like before. We have ways to stay connected now. I promise, I’ll be there as soon as I can, this hurts me too.”

He nods, swiping a hand over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

The speaker overhead announces your flight. “Final boarding for Flight 763 to New York.”

You let out a shaky breath, shifting on your feet. “I guess that’s me.”

Bucky nods stiffly, his hands twitching at his sides like he doesn’t know whether to pull you in or let you go.

So you make the choice for him. You throw your arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as you can.

He clings to you instantly, burying his face in your shoulder, inhaling deeply like he’s trying to commit this moment to memory.

“Call me the second you get home,” you murmur. “My number is still the same, I never changed it. Just in case.” You whisper.

“I will.” His voice is thick, shaky.

You pull back slightly, and Bucky doesn’t move far.

He looks at you for a moment, then leans in, pressing a kiss to your cheek, he lingers there not long enough.

It makes your heart ache.

You step back, forcing yourself to turn around, to walk toward the gate, to leave but you stop. Something inside you won’t let you walk away just yet. You turn back around, digging into your bag. “Wait.”

Bucky’s brows knit together. “What?”

You pull out a worn, leather-bound journal.

The one Steve gave you, the one you filled with letters to Bucky.

His eyes widen slightly as you hold it out to him.

“I have something for you.”

Bucky stares at it, hesitant, like he’s afraid to take it. “What is this?”

You exhale softly. “Steve got it for me. I wrote you back.”

His breath catches.

“What?” His voice is barely above a whisper.

“I—I tried to get through it, the guilt, the pain and Steve thought it would help if I wrote to you, so I did.”

Bucky finally reaches for it, his fingers brushing over the cover, tracing the B on the front.

His voice is hoarse when he speaks. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “Of course. I wrote to you, it’s meant for you.”

He clutches it tightly, like it’s the most important thing in the world.

Without warning, he pulls you into another hug, tighter than before. He’s afraid to let go. “I’ll see you soon?” His voice is small, uncertain.

You nod against his shoulder. “I promise.”

Slowly, reluctantly, Bucky pulls away.

You back away toward the gate, your eyes locked on his. “Goodbye, Bucky.”

He swallows hard, gripping the journal like it’s the only thing tethering him to the ground. “Goodbye, sweetheart.”

You force yourself to turn around. To keep walking, to leave.

And Bucky watches you go, standing there in the middle of the airport, his heart breaking all over again. “I love you.” He whispers to no one.

----

The gym was dimly lit with twinkling fairy lights, the bass of the music vibrating the wooden floor beneath Bucky’s shoes. The air was thick with the mingling scents of cheap cologne, perfume, and the sickly sweet punch that had definitely been spiked.

Bucky barely noticed any of it, he was too busy scanning the room, searching for you.

He had been doing it all night, barely listening to whatever Stacy was saying, nodding absently at her giggles and mindless chatter. His hand rested limply on her waist as they swayed lazily to the music, but his body felt tense, like he was in the wrong place like he was supposed to be somewhere else. Or maybe he was just supposed to be here with someone else.

“You sure you don’t wanna dance properly?” Stacy teased, pressing closer to him.

“I’m dancing.” Bucky muttered, distracted, his eyes still scanning the room.

“Not really.” She huffed, pulling back slightly to study him. “You keep looking around like you’re lost or something.”

He wasn’t lost or maybe he was, he always felt off when you weren’t in his sights. When he finally saw you a breath left him.

You were across the gym, standing by the refreshments table, your eyes bright, your smile easy. You were laughing at something that idiot John said, probably and then you poked his chest, and your face changed, you were upset, then John’s hand shot out, gripping your arm a little too tightly.

Bucky’s entire body went rigid. His jaw locked, his fingers clenched into fists.

Before he even had time to think, he was moving.

“Bucky?” Stacy tugged on his hand.

He barely heard her. His entire focus was on you, he moved through the crowd when he finally got to the spot he saw you at, you were gone. He watched as John stormed off toward the exit, his face twisted in frustration. Bucky twisted around, his heart racing.

“Where are you going?”

Stacy’s voice snapped him out of it, her fingers tightening around his wrist.

Bucky barely heard her. His eyes were locked on the empty space where you had been just moments ago. His chest felt tight, like something was pulling at him, urging him to run after you.

“I need to check on Y/N.” He tried to pull away from Stacy, but she only gripped him harder.

“You’re on a date with me,” she scoffed, her voice sharp, eyes narrowing. “You can’t just go running after some girl.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “She’s not just some girl.”

Stacy let out a dry laugh, her grip tightening like she was trying to keep him in place, trying to make him listen.

“Whatever, she’s your friend,” she sneered, rolling her eyes. “And you need to start realizing that if you keep hanging around her like this, nobody is ever gonna wanna be with you, Bucky. Everyone already thinks you’re in love with her!”

His heart stopped.

The words hit him like a brick to the chest, and before he could even think, before he could stop himself, he said the words that had been buried deep inside him for years.

“So what if I am?”

Stacy blinked.

For a second, just a split second, she looked genuinely shocked. But then she laughed again, like what he said was a joke, like she hadn’t just cracked him open like a glass window in a hurricane.

“I feel sorry for you,” she said coldly, her voice laced with something cruel, something cutting. “Because if you think she could ever love you back, you’re dumber than we all thought.”

His stomach twisted, and suddenly, he felt small. Because he had two insecurities you and the thought of never being good enough.

“Why wouldn’t she love me back?” His voice was quieter now, but no less desperate.

Stacy’s smirk faltered slightly, but she recovered quickly, straightening her spine. “Because she’s going somewhere, Bucky! And you’re not. You’re gonna stay here, just like everyone else. And even if you do follow her out of here like some lost puppy, what do you have to show for your life? Nothing! At least your father was a veteran and left your mother something, but you? You’re a joke.”

Bucky looked away, his jaw clenching so tight it ached.

Stacy shook her head, stepping back with a scoff. “And that’s exactly why she’ll never see you that way. You Bucky, you're nothing."

His fingers curled into fists at his sides, his mind racing, his pulse hammering against his ribs. He should have said something back, should have told her she was wrong, should have defended himself.

But instead, he just met her gaze, his voice lower, calmer than he felt.

“For the record, Stacy,” he said, his tone sharp as glass. “She’s not just some girl. You are.”

Then, without another word, he turned on his heel and left, shoving past the crowd, his only focus on finding you.

When he finally did you were outside, pacing the school steps, arms crossed over your chest, your face flushed with frustration.

“Hey,” Bucky called out, stepping toward you. “What’s wrong?”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “Nothing, just always stuck with the assholes, like always.”

He frowned. “What happened?”

“What happened? Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that every single guy in this stupid school is a fucking dick.” You ran a hand through your hair.

Bucky’s entire posture stiffened. “Do you want me to go back in there and beat him up?” His voice was low, serious. “You know I would, right?”

Your frustration wavered, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “I know you would.”

He nudged you gently. “So? Do you want me to?”

You exhaled, shaking your head. “No, it’s not worth it. We graduate soon, we get out of here, and I leave all these stupid people behind.”

Bucky studied you for a long moment, then he finally sat down on the old wooden bench, patting the spot beside him.

After a few beats, you sat down.

The cool night air was a sharp contrast to the sticky warmth inside the gym, the stars twinkling above, and for a moment, it felt like just the two of you, like it had always been.

Bucky sighed. “I’m not one of those stupid assholes, am I?”

You turned to look at him, your expression softening.

“Never in a million years.” You shook your head. “No matter how hard you tried, you’d never be one to me.”

Something warm flickered in Bucky’s chest.

You sighed, pouting. “It just sucks,” you muttered.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “What does?”

“They’re playing my favorite song in there, and I’m stuck out here. I don’t even get to dance to it.”

Bucky stood up immediately, holding out his hand.

“My lady,” he grinned. “Can I please have this dance?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Bucky, you don’t have to do that.”

“Oh, but I do,” he smirked. “Been a bucket list goal of mine to get a dance from you.”

Your cheeks flushed.

Bucky’s heart did a double take. He had seen you blush before, but this felt different.

Slowly, you took his hand.

You stepped closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, his arms sliding around your waist.

‘And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life, and sooner or later, it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight”

The distant music from the gym faded, the only sound left was the soft hum of the night, the crickets, the rustling leaves.

His heart pounded in sync with yours, a slow, steady rhythm. It felt like the world had stopped. Your fingers brushed against the nape of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

Bucky leaned in, just slightly. You moved forward and his eyes were searching yours for any indication that you didn’t really want this, that you didn’t really want him and before he could close the distance a group of rowdy teenagers burst through the gym doors, laughing loudly, shattering the moment.

You instantly stepped back, clearing your throat, looking away.

Bucky clenched his jaw, frustration bubbling in his chest. Because this time? This time, it wasn’t a drunken kiss that led to something else, It wasn’t a fleeting, careless moment.

This was real; he could feel it and once again the universe had ripped it away.

---

Bucky stares at the worn leather journal in his hands, his fingers tracing the edges, gripping it like it might disappear if he lets go.

The plane hums around him, but he barely registers it.

He’s aware of his mother beside him, of the way she keeps glancing at him, her eyes soft and knowing.

“What’s in your hand, sweetheart?” Winnie finally asks gently.

Bucky swallows hard. His throat feels tight. “She wrote to me.”

Winnie’s brows pull together. “She did?”

He nods, exhaling sharply. “Yeah. She said Steve..” he hesitates, the name unfamiliar and heavy in his mouth. “He got it for her. She wrote me back finally.”

Winnie’s lips press together, emotion flickering across her face.

Bucky swipes a hand over his mouth, fingers shaking slightly as he flips open the journal.

The pages are filled.Front to back, page after page, all of it in your handwriting.

His breath stutters. “Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, his eyes scanning the first few words.

Bucky,

I don’t know why I’m doing this. Steve thinks it’ll help. I think it’s stupid. You're never going to read any of this.

But then again, I also think it’s stupid that you left me. That you’re gone. That I never wrote back when I had the chance. That I let my own pain keep me from you when I should have been writing you every damn day.

I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for that.

Bucky inhales shakily. His eyes burn, his fingers grip the journal tighter. But he keeps reading.

I tried, you know. I tried so hard to forget you. Not because I wanted to, but because it hurt too much to remember.

Because every time I let myself think of you, I could feel it all over again, the way my heart shattered the day you left, the way I wanted to scream when I saw you in that uniform, the way I wanted to beg you to stay even when I knew you wouldn’t. You never told me why, why you left me behind, why Bucky why?

A tear slips down his cheek. He wipes it away quickly, furiously. Winnie says nothing, she just watches him with sad eyes. Bucky takes a deep breath and keeps going.

I married a good man. He’s kind, he’s steady. He helped put me back together when I didn’t even know I was broken.

But Bucky, I don’t think I’ve ever been whole since the day you left. I don't think I'll ever be again, what kind of life is that?

Bucky closes the journal.

His chest aches, he presses his fingers against his eyes, his shoulders shaking.

“Oh, James.”

His mother’s voice is soft, her hand warm as she rubs gentle circles on his back. Bucky breathes deeply, trying to steady himself; he knows it is useless. Because since he got back, since he was rescued, since he breathed in fresh air again he finally sees just how much was stolen from the both of you.

Bucky is silent, staring down at the journal, his thumb running along the edge of the worn pages.

The plane rumbles beneath him, but he barely notices. His mother has stopped speaking, stopped watching him, she knows that he needs to read. That he wants to read. That he needs to let himself feel this. So, he turns the page.

Bucky,

I always thought it was going to be you. Always hoped it would be.

I don’t even know when I first started believing that. Maybe when we were kids, when you pulled me behind you and told those boys to leave me alone. Maybe when we had our first kiss that summer before middle school and swore it didn’t mean anything.

Maybe when I realized that even when I had other people in my life, you were always my person.

I think I knew for sure the first time we got drunk together at that dumb party and ended up in the back of your truck, under the stars, just us.

The first time you touched me like I was something fragile, something precious. The first time you whispered my name like you were afraid of what it meant and I almost asked you that night. I almost asked you if you wanted me the way I wanted you.

But I didn’t. Because we always danced around it, didn’t we? Always cheated that line between friendship and something more, but we never let ourselves cross it and I don’t know why.

Because I loved you, Bucky.

I love you.

I think I always have and now, you’re gone, and I feel like I’ve lost the biggest piece of myself. Like I’m walking through life without my heartbeat.

Without my soulmate and I don’t know how to exist in a world that doesn’t have you in it.

Yours, always.

Y/N.

Bucky stares, the words blur together, his vision swimming.

Because he never knew, never thought you felt the same way. He always thought it was one-sided because he could never wrap his head around you actually wanting him, all of him in the way he wanted you, in the way he loved you, he thought he was the one holding onto something that would never be.

But you love him, you actually love him in the way he loves you. But he can't have you.

The late summer air was warm, a gentle breeze rolling through the streets of your small town. The sun had just started to set, washing the sky in soft shades of pink and orange.

You and Bucky walked side by side down the quiet sidewalk, ice cream cones in hand, the soft crunch of gravel beneath your shoes the only sound between you for a while.

Out of nowhere, Bucky spoke. “So after we move to the big city and accomplish all our dreams… is that it?”

You looked at him, brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

He licked his ice cream, eyes focused straight ahead. “I mean, is that where we’re staying? Is that where you’re gonna have your family and I’m gonna have mine?”

You nearly stumbled, stomach twisted, and suddenly, the sweet taste of ice cream in your mouth felt bitter. You had never really considered that Bucky’s future wouldn’t include you.

Sure, he had never actually said anything about the two of you ending up together, but… it was always just implied. Right? You had always assumed that when he talked about we and our dreams, that meant the two of you, together.

But hearing him say it now, like he had already envisioned a separate future for himself, a different life, a different family it stung. Because you always thought you two would end up together, it was just a matter of time.

You forced yourself to lick your ice cream, shrugging, hoping your voice wouldn’t give you away. “No.”

Bucky glanced at you, one brow raised. “No?”

“No,” you repeated, staring straight ahead.

He tilted his head. “So that’s not where we’re gonna end up?”

You swallowed. “I don’t know where you and your family are gonna end up, but me and mine?” You took a deep breath. “We’ll eventually come back here.”

Bucky snorted. “Really? Here?”

You turned to him sharply, scowling. “Why do you sound so harsh? Didn’t you love growing up here?”

His expression shifted. The teasing faded from his face, his lips pressing together. “I loved growing up with you,” he murmured.

Your heart clenched.

He said it so simply, so easily, like it wasn’t the most important thing you had ever heard.

You exhaled, looking out at the familiar town, the place that had raised you, shaped you, built you into the person you were. Every street, every corner, every tree, every lake… it was all part of you.

“I have so many memories here,” you said softly. “So many great ones. I wouldn’t want my kids to find those anywhere else.”

Bucky watched you carefully, his lips parting slightly.

You pointed up ahead, toward the outskirts of town, toward Miller’s old place, an old farmhouse that had been abandoned for as long as you could remember. The land stretched out for acres, beautiful and untouched, tucked away from the rest of the world.

“Right there,” you said, nodding toward it. “One day, I want to buy that land and build a house with all the money I’m gonna make from my big girl job in New York.”

Bucky was quiet for a long moment then softly, surely. “Okay.”

You blinked, turning to him. “Okay?”

He licked his ice cream again, nodding. “Yeah, okay.”

Your brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”

He shrugged. “It means whatever you want, I’ll be there.”.

You stared at him, your ice cream melting slightly in your fingers, but you couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.

“Wherever you go, I’ll go,” Bucky murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your throat tightened, but you forced out a small, teasing smirk, nudging his arm. “What if I end up in some super boring town in the middle of nowhere?”

Bucky grinned. “Then I guess I’ll be in a super boring town in the middle of nowhere.”

Your chest ached, you weren’t sure why.

You laughed, shaking your head, but deep down, you clung to those words like a promise.

Because that’s what it felt like.

A promise.

---

The plane hums softly beneath you, the cabin dimly lit as passengers settle in for the long flight.

You should be exhausted. You should be closing your eyes, letting sleep pull you under after the emotional whirlwind of the past few days.

But you can’t. Because all you can think about is Bucky.

It’s an ache that sits deep in your chest, something heavy, something pulling you in a direction you don’t quite know how to follow yet.

You grip the armrest, staring blankly out the window. The city lights disappear beneath the clouds, and with every passing mile, the space between you and Bucky stretches further and further and you don’t know if you can bear it, you could go back.

You could work from home. If you needed to be in the office, you could make the trip. You could have the life you always dreamed of, the life you and Bucky used to stay up all night talking about.

“What if we got a little place right outside the city?”

“We’d need a good coffee shop nearby.”

“Obviously.”

“And a couch big enough to sleep on when you get mad at me.”

“Oh, I’m always taking the bed, Buck. You can sleep on the floor.”

You smile softly, pressing your fingers against your lips as if it’ll help you hold the memory in place.

A moment you hadn’t let yourself think about in years.

You just turned 18, summer was almost done and the two of you would be headed to the big city in a week.

Lying on your stomach in Bucky’s bed, flipping through a book, your legs swinging slightly behind you.

Bucky was sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed, absently tossing a baseball up and catching it.

“You ever think about it?” he asked suddenly.

You glanced up. “Think about what?”

He hesitated, rolling the ball between his hands. His face looked serious. “Us.”

Your breath hitched. “What about us?”

He shrugged like it was nothing, like he wasn’t saying something that could change everything. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “Just… you ever wonder?”

You stared at him. Your stomach felt tight, like you were on the edge of something. “Bucky…”

“Never mind.” He cleared his throat, tossing the ball into the air again. “Forget I said anything.”

You didn’t press, you should have hated yourself for letting that moment slip through your fingers.

Your stomach twists. There were so many almosts…so many times Bucky had almost said something, almost done something. So many times you both did cross the line, only to step back again. He was your first kiss, your first time, your first real best friend. And yet, somehow, despite all of it, you let each other slip away.

How did something that meant everything turn into nothing at all?

The moment you step off the plane, your eyes scan the crowd, searching, heart thudding and then you see them.

Steve is standing tall, holding a small bouquet of flowers, and beside him, Lily.

Waving a brightly colored sign with your name scribbled across it in her messy, excited handwriting.

“Mommy!” she shrieks.

Before you can even react, she’s sprinting toward you, her little legs carrying her as fast as they can. A breathless laugh escapes you as you drop your bag just in time to catch her, lifting her into your arms.

You spin her around, burying your face in her curls, inhaling the familiar scent of home, warmth, and safety.

“I missed you, baby,” you murmur against her cheek.

“I missed you more!” she exclaims, her tiny hands squeezing your face before pressing a sloppy kiss to your nose.

Steve is next, stepping forward with that all-American, steady smile, his eyes soft as he watches the two of you.

“Now I got both my girls,” he says, his voice warm as he wraps an arm around both you and Lily, pulling you against his chest.

You melt into him, into the strength and familiarity of his embrace, into the way he holds you like he never wants to let go. You kiss him, slow and soft, and for a moment, you let yourself get lost in it.

Lily groans, dramatically covering her eyes. “Ewww!”

Steve chuckles against your lips, pressing one last kiss to your forehead.

“You had a good flight?” he asks, handing you the flowers.

You nod, but the answer doesn’t come right away. Because you’re happy, right? You feel loved, wanted, safe but Bucky lingers in the back of your mind. Like a whisper, a pull, a presence that you can’t shake.

Steve sees it. He doesn’t say anything, but you know he does. His eyes flicker for just a second, his jaw tightening ever so slightly before he smooths it over with a gentle smile.

Because he knows and, deep down, so do you.

Because you can’t shake the feeling that this is it, the last chance the universe is giving you to be with him.

----

The rain tapped softly against the small window in your basement, a rhythmic hum that blended into the low sounds of Bucky’s video game. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, controller in hand, his brows furrowed in concentration while you lay on your stomach on the couch, flipping through old magazines and cutting out images for your scrapbook.

It was something you’d always done, ever since you were kids, manifesting the things you wanted most through paper and glue. But this one was different, this one meant something more.

Bucky let out a victorious whoop as he finished his level, tossing the controller onto the floor before stretching his arms above his head. “Alright, I’m starving,” he groaned, turning to you. “Wanna get some lunch? I mowed old man Harrison’s lawn last week, so I got a little extra cash, my treat.”

You didn’t look up, focused on carefully gluing down a delicate picture of a lace wedding dress. “Yeah, just let me finish this page.”

Bucky, now curious, leaned over the back of the couch to peek at what had your attention. “What are you working on this time?” He plucked the scrapbook gently from your hands before you could stop him.

“My wedding,” you admitted, pushing yourself up to sit beside him.

His lips quirked into a smirk. “Your wedding, huh?” He flipped through the page, his fingers tracing over the elegant images of white roses, candlelit aisles, and grand ballrooms. “You want a big wedding?”

You shook your head, smiling softly. “Not necessarily big, but… I want the full thing, you know? The flowers, the music, the dress. I want it to feel dreamy, like a fairytale. Like something out of a movie. Just… beautiful.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment, his thumb brushing absently over the corner of the page. Then, his voice dropped just slightly, more thoughtful than teasing. “You’re gonna get this someday.”

You glanced at him, tilting your head. “You think so?”

He nodded, still staring down at your scrapbook. “Yeah.” His voice was certain, steady. “Your future husband’s gonna want to give you everything you dream of, no question.”

Something about the way he said it made your heart skip.

You swallowed, looking down at the magazine clippings, at the life you had imagined for yourself. “How do you know?”

Bucky finally looked up, his blue eyes locking onto yours, his lips parting like he was about to say something, something real, something that had been lingering between you for years.

But instead, he just shrugged, his expression soft, wistful.

“Because I would.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #sebastian stan x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes au #bucky fanfic #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky x steve #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you

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psilliguykai · 10 hours ago

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Boy why you [all] so white

Anyways! Uhhhh yeah William’s Wanton Weary Wiles designs. Or Something. I debated giving them each their own post but none of them deserve it. I couldn’t figure out how to make it Not A Total Mess lol soooo here we are! Individuals with some more info under the cut.

Ooohhh they gross me out so bad. Both in the /aff way but also in the “oooohh I really don’t like how this turned out” way lmao- but! I finished the lineart before I started disliking it and promised myself I wouldn’t keep waffling on the sketch so they’re. They’re DONE alright they’re DONE [<- still trying to convince himself]

All the colors [especially the skin tones because oof I really. Don’t know how to handle that apparently. I mean like they’re meant to be white but I’m not sure if they should be That white lol ANYWAYS] aren’t too strict and I’ll probably fuck around w them depending on the mood of the post, etc. just a loose guide ig :]

If their designs ever get updated, this post will be updated as well ^^ i was gonna hyperlink the master doc but tumblr is kinda hating me rn and Not Letting Me Do That so uhhh . Look up wwww au in my blog and scroll to the bottom for background I guess [I’m so sorry] 😭😭😭

Ok ok here they are

Jimmy

- you can tell I take this very seriously /silly

- The shortest/smallest, but arguably the strongest of the trio [just by a little].

- Patterns and striped parts are based on the EIAL cover + the tapeworm.

- what it says in the ref tbh. Just kinda a normal guy [in appearance anyways] who dresses way too formally and doesn’t get enough sunlight or sleep. :]

- I feel like he’s kind of very fucking ugly but I’ve given up on trying to fix it 😭

- Tallest by a little and best posture by a lot.

- essentially just the outfit from the TNA cover if it was blue lol

- sorryyy no automaton freak :((( big fan of robot Mind designs, but Al is just. Different to me

Mr. Capgras

- He gets scissors in place of a trident because I thought that could be neat :] when he pulls them out of the halo they get noteably larger and sharper. Tbh it mostly just uses them for normal scissor stuff + violent threats sometimes.

- Patterns depicted here are based on the body paint from the Self-ish album cover. In this ref they’re the hmsw colors, but could technically kinda be anything. They’re super inconsistent, both in canon and also because. Trying to keep up the same patterns every time I draw him would be torture :’]

- Most intimidating/strongest-looking. Middle in height, and worst in posture. Sleep deprived, somewhat empty and bitter but still hopeful and surprisingly optimistic.

- I’d like to think if his socks are ever shown, they’d have the same patterns as his gloves n stuff :3

- This isn’t a design thing at all but I’ll probably be referring to him more as Cotard as I feel it fits best. However, he’s formally known as Mr. Capgras since it would make the official acronym for these three “JAM”, which I think is a neat and completely accidental reference to Jamface :)) completely arbitrary yeahhh but it’s my AU and I’ll include all the obscure references I want in it >:3

- dw about the oversized Cotard’s Solution doodle it’s just there as another ref for how the scissors work lol

Fanart is super duper appreciated but absolutely not needed !! Asks either directly to [<- in this case I’d respond in character{s} depending on the ask] or about these characters/this AU are also always very welcome ^^

William Racheal McSprout Himself will be getting his own post when he’s completed :]

#chonny jash #cccc #chonny’s charming chaos compendium #cj mind #cj soul #cj heart #chonny jash au #wwww au #William’s Wanton Weary Wiles #appalling mustelid tornado #Jimmy wwww #Al wwww #Mr. Capgras wwww

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avayarising · 24 hours ago

Text

It depends on your reading style and your skill level. I am much more comfortable with text than with pictures and I really did have to learn to read comics. How to use the page structure to tell which order to read the panels in, how to interpret the pictures. Even now, after over a year, I sometimes struggle to figure out what is going on in some panels, particularly extended sequences without dialogue or narration, and images with a lot of black shadow.

Some artistic choices definitely don’t make it easier for me. I’ve ranted before about red text on black, and drippy or loopy fonts can be hard for me to read as well. I sometimes have difficulty figuring out who people are if their designs are similar, or recognising a character at all if the art style has changed a lot. (I like it when people call each other by name on page even if it feels stilted.)

But it does get easier with practice. I’ve gone back and reread some storylines and have been amazed at how much more I picked up the second time around. Knowing more context and knowing the characters better definitely helps, but a lot of it is simply that I know how to read it better now.

I think if you are coming into a completely new medium then there will be a learning curve while you get used to the conventions of the medium, and that learning curve will be steeper for some people than for others. Just like when you’re learning to read novels and have to learn that italics mean emphasis but sometimes mean thoughts, and quote marks mean speech and asterisks mean footnotes. (I struggled a lot with asterisks as a child because the first place I encountered them was in the AA Milne poem Disobedience, which gave me a very false idea of what they were supposed to do.) So yes, comics can be difficult to read when you first start, but it is a skill you can learn.

I certainly agree that crises are particularly confusing, though I’m puzzled by the ‘driving in New York’ metaphor. If New York is the crisis event, and driving is reading the comics, what would be the equivalent of walking or taking the subway? Are you saying that if I want to know exactly what happened in a crisis (not just a summary) then there is a better way to find out than just reading the comics? (Because if so I am very interested!)

I really hate the idea (which I see floated on here constantly as if it’s a statement of fact rather then conjecture) that comics are exceptionally confusing or difficult to read because they really really aren’t unless you’re trying to read some kind of big crisis-style event, at which point we’ve arrived at what I like to call a ‘driving in New York’ problem: you knew it was going to suck ass before you got started and you didn’t have to do it that way because there are better ways of getting around

#comics #reading comics #learning to read comics #honestly if anyone out there has a guide to visual conventions in comics #I would be very glad to read it #it’s not that comics are intrinsically difficult to read #but it is something that has to be learnt

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swtt4hk · 1 day ago

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Time Machine || Cho Sangwoo

And I'll love you forever with the fire in my soul

Maybe I could be your girl

And we don't ever say goodbye

Maybe in another life

he is gone. Everyone is gone. Gi hun , Sae byeok , Ali and most important of all , your husband , Cho Sangwoo. You won the games but at what cost? You lost the love of your life just because he sacrificed himself for you. The problem is that you don’t need the money. You just need him. If only you had realised that something was going on earlier.

Flashback

it was a random evening and you were doing the chores in the house while waiting for your husband , Sangwoo , to come from work. You were kinda worried about him tho , he had been acting…different but not so different. He just seemed like he was always thinking about something, like something was bothering him but you never asked him about it because you knew that if he wanted , he would tell you. But that day you had decided to finally ask him about it , you couldn’t take it anymore.

you heard the door opening and walked up to him. His expression was tired but still forced a smile.

—hi babe , how was work?

—hi , sweetheart , it was…okay.

—just okay? Are you sure that nothing bad has happened?

—no , babe , everything’s alright.

he told you with a reassuring smile as he hangs his coat on the hanger and suddenly a card fell from his pocket. You grabbed it. It was a brown(ish) card with a triangle , a circle and a square on the front and a phone number on the back.

—babe , what is this?

Sang-woo saw that you’re holding the card and quickly grabbed it.

—oh nothing , a random salesman gave it to me just to promote his products!

he said , trying to hide the fear that you might push it further. The truth was that it wasn’t just a card. He had been slapped by a salesman a hundred times to win the game of ddakji to get 10k₩. When he won , the salesman told him to call the number on the back of the card , if he wants to play more games like this to win money.

—if you say so…come on , I’ve made you dinner , let’s go sit down.

he let out a silent sigh of relief , as you didn’t push him any further , and he sits on the table with you. As you’re both eating silently, you decided to talk to him about his behaviour for the past month.

—honey , can I talk to you about something?

Sang-woo looked up to you and nodded.

—so um…I’ve noticed something in the past month and tell me if I’m wrong but…you have been acting kind of different lately. Is something bothering you? You always seem like you’re thinking about something and your anger issues have gotten a little out of hand even though you had been making progress…are you okay?

Sang-woo stops eating. He sets his fork down and takes a deep breath , looking deep into your eyes. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he tell you the truth that he’s in debt and that he can’t even afford buying the essentials or should he keep lying to you so you don’t get worried about it?

—I’m okay. It’s just…there’s a lot of pressure at work , that’s it. I’m sorry if I made you worried , my love , I promise I’m gonna make it up to you soon , hm?

He said reassuringly. He didn’t have much of a choice but lying to you seemed the best thing to do at the time. You let out a warm smile and nod.

—alright then , I’m sorry for asking you in the first place , I know how much of a stress your job can be…now eat! Your food is gonna get cold!

he nods and finishes his food. The hours pass slowly and the sun sets , which means it’s time for you both to go to bed. You kissed each other good night and you fell asleep. But Sangwoo couldn’t. His thoughts were keeping him up. He grabbed the card from his coat’s pocket and looked at it. Should he call the number and join the games? Leaving for some days to make some more money wouldn’t hurt , right. He called the number and he gave the information needed. He was told that he had to be in a specific location at 11:30.

11:00. He had half an hour left. He got up , got dressed and wrote you a letter before leaving. Unfortunately, for him , you heard him leaving. You woke up and saw a letter on his pillow.

“Goodmorning, my love , someone from work called in the middle of the night because I have to go on a an emergency business trip. I’m so sorry about that but I promise , I’ll be back in a few days.❤️”

Bullshit. Yes , you didn’t know much about his job but you weren’t THAT dumb to believe that someone would call him to go on a business trip IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. So you decided to follow him.

11:30. Just in time. You secretly followed behind him and a black van arrived. A man was in it and asked for a code. Red light , Green light. Sangwoo got in and the van left. You followed the van to the next stop and you decided to go into the van too. You told the man the code and got into the car. You didn’t know what that was but you wanted to find out.

End of Flashback

you got thrown on a random street , the cold breeze hitting your face after days of being closed into whatever that building was. After hours of walking , you finally arrived home. But it was different this time. You were alone. Forever. Because you had basically killed your husband. You sit on the sofa in silence , getting flashbacks from all the happy times you and Sangwoo spend and even the times you spent together in the games. He is everything to you. But now he’s gone.

You lay down on the sofa and look up to the ceiling. You feel tired but you can’t sleep. Not after everything that happened. Tears start rolling down your cheeks as you’re processing everything that happened the past five days.

—I wish I could go back in time. I wish I would’ve noticed. I wish I would’ve helped him.

you manage to mutter while crying and you slowly drift off to sleep.

…

you slowly open your eyes as the morning sun hits your face and you take a look at your surroundings. That’s strange. Is that your…old room? How could it be possible? You sold that house about two years ago…you open your phone and…

June 14 2019. This can’t be possible. This is the exact same day that you met Sangwoo…how can it be? You start panicking , lightly slapping yourself to check if you’re dreaming. No. This is real. It’s 2019 and none of the nightmare you went through has happened. Did fate give you a second chance to fix everything?

You get up and walk around the house. You can’t lie , you’ve missed this place. The silence , the girly decorations, the room that is filled with so many memories…but now it’s not the time to remember the past. You’ve got to find Sangwoo. You try to recall the time and the place he was in that day. “Come onnn , where was it? I know it was a café but which one?” Since you can’t seem to remember it , you decide to take a walk in your neighbourhood. You haven’t walked in these streets for so long…after a few minutes , you find it. “Espresso Emporium”.

You take a deep breath before stepping into the café and there he is…Cho Sangwoo. You’re about to walk towards him to greet him but then you remember. He’s supposed to be a total stranger to you. You sigh and sit on a table near him. At some point you make an eye contact and you both can feel it. It’s like love at first sight. That’s exactly how you fell in love six years ago. Just when you’re a out to give him a kind smile he quickly looks away , pretending that nothing happened. “Classic Sangwoo” you think.

Of course , the history repeats itself. You keep bumping into him during the day but neither of you talk to each other. Until one night you see him standing outside the convenience store , looking money in his pockets. He forgot his wallet and now he can’t buy any cigarettes. You chuckle to yourself and you walk up to him and offer him a cigarette.

—there. You say coldly , trying to hide your excitement about talking to him again. He looks at the cigarette for a second before taking it into his hands and lighting it up.

—thank you , you didn’t have to. He says , keeping a neutral demeanour. There follows silence but the comfortable kind of silence before you speak up.

—having a hard night? He sighs , throws his cigarette on the ground and stomps it with his foot. He scans you , head to toe , before answering to your question.

—yeah…how’d you tell?

—I’m a psychologist. I know what people think by just looking at them.

He looks at you , with a kind of weird look and nods.

—cool.

You know he’s not really the kind of person to start a conversation and meet with a total stranger but you HAVE to meet him.

—my name’s y/n. What’s yours?

Sangwoo looks away , with a kind of annoyed look.

—does it matter?

—I mean…if you don’t wanna meet me that’s okay , you’ll just miss out on meeting a wonderful woman.

You say teasingly and nudge him on the shoulder. He wants to smile but he doesn’t. He keeps it back. He doesn’t want to seem weak , especially to a woman , and you respect that.

—I’m Sangwoo…happy now?

—of course I am. Nice to meet you , Sangwoo.

…

Fast forward to some days later , you start getting closer with him , as if you don’t already know everything about him but this time you’re being more careful. You look closely to his face expressions and his movements. He doesn’t seem like he’s in debt…yet. Does this mean he lost it all when he got married to you? Yes.

One day , as you’re chatting , your conversation gets deep and he reveals some of his problems.

—I have been having some trouble with money lately…I’m on the verge of getting into debt…

well this is new. He had never told you that before. The Sangwoo you knew would have never complained about money , which hurts you because now you realise how many secrets he had been keeping from you all those years you had been married. You look at him with a soft gaze and with a look of sympathy.

—whatever , that’s my problem , you probably don’t even care.

—what? No , I do care , you’re my friend and friends listen to each other’s problems.

For a moment , you catch him blushing but then he looks away. “Ah I’ve missed that cute blush” you think to yourself. He takes a deep breath before he continues talking about his problems. And he has a lot. His business is going downhill, he’s on the verge of getting in debt , as he said before , and he’s been living in a motel. “So that’s why he never wanted to go to his place before we moved in together…”

…

Weeks pass and everyday you learn something new about Sangwoo. It’s like you met a completely different person but at the same time you get deja vu from his words , movements and the places you meet at. One day , as you’re doing some chores in the house , you hear a knock. You open the door and there he is again…

—Sangwoo! How come you came here unannounced? You usually warn before coming. You say but not in a strict tone , it’s just surprising because he usually does warn before coming over. He gets in and sits on the couch.

—I’m so sorry , y/n but I need to talk to you about something.

You sit beside him , curious about what you’re about to hear.

—what’s up?

He takes a deep breath , he bounces his leg up and down in nervousness and looks down.

—I…I got into debt…

you stare at him in shock. So he had been into debt even before you started dating?! And he still payed for everything you wanted?!

—what wait? When did that happen?

—…long ago…

—how long ago?

—f-five months ago…

—wait a minute…b-but didn’t you tell me that you were on the verge of getting into debt? Did you lie to me?

He sighs and closes his eyes.

—I’m sorry I-

—just tell me how much you owe.

there’s no response, which means you’re about to hear a big number.

—six…

—six hundred?

—…billion.

—six billion?! How did you even- you’re about to scold him but you know that if anger gets the best of you , you’ll definitely say about the time travelling thing and how you’re mad at him for not telling you anything…well…that is quite a lot but…we’ll find a way to fix it together , okay?

He blushes again , but hides it. You know that he likes you but you can’t get to like him. Not after the disappointment you’ve felt for him. Not because he’s in debt but because he was in debt and he never told you anything and that he joined those stupid games to make money even though he knew that you could make the amount of money he needed in a short amount of time. But he always insisted in paying.

Sangwoo feels a pang of embarrassment after telling you all that. Under other circumstances, he wouldn’t have told you but he felt the need of telling someone and the only person he could tell was you.

—y/n , I don’t need your help. I just…wanted to tell someone about my problem.

you stay silent. You want to protest , scream at him about why he is telling his problem to you and not expect you to help him. But you don’t say anything. You know it’s pointless.

…

The next days pass in silence. Ever since Sangwoo told you about him owing that much money , he feels so embarrassed that he stopped talking to you. You know damn well why Sangwoo doesn’t contact you and you totally get it. 6 billion is not little. But besides from him not wanting you to help , you work your ass off to make extra money. Psychologists do get payed a lot , so you already had a lot of money , so working some extra hours and a second job would totally pay off Sangwoo’s debts and more.

After weeks of working , it’s finally over. 6 billion won into your bank account. With no hesitation, you take the money and put them into a big bag to give them to Sangwoo. But you don’t wanna see him. You can’t look at him and not feel things for him. But if you fall in love again , he will make the same stupid mistake. Waste all his money on you.

Sangwoo hears an unexpected knock on his door. He opens it and he sees a bag with money in it. Even though it doesn’t have a letter with a name on it , he knows who gave him the money. The only person who knew…you. He quickly runs out of his apartment to find you. He knows you’re near.

As you’re quickly walking out of the motel Sangwoo is staying in , you hear a familiar voice —almost— behind you.

—y/n!!! Wait!!

your pace quickens and you disappear into the darkness of the night. It’s too late now. You just saved Sangwoo’s life and he didn’t even get to thank you.

Sangwoo stands still as tears run down his cheeks. The person he loves the most had run away and disappeared. He didn’t even get to express his feelings for you. He wishes he had done it earlier.

As you are walking , you stop at a quiet street and you start crying. You can’t believe what you just did. You left the person you love the most. But it is for the best. You can’t let him do the same mistake again. And you can’t let him die again.

…

after all of that , you decided to move away and start a new life , rearrange your fate. You try to forget about Sangwoo and move on with your life. “It was all for the best” you keep repeating to yourself everytime you think about it.

there was nothing left to do for Sangwoo. He had to accept his fate. It was like you vanished of the earth without warning and he keeps trying to understand why. But he tries his best to move on with his life , he pays off his debts with the money and he gets back on his feet again. He feels grateful that he met you , even though it was just for a few months. You saved his life after all.

It was all for the best.

———————————————————————

I enjoyed writing this one a lot BUT I’M SORRY IF IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE IN THE END , I WAS HALF ASLEEP WHILE WRITING THIS 😭

Anyway , more fics coming soon!

taglist: @sensationallysangwoo @chosangwooswife @nanamiscsleeve @snowgirl12 @vkeyy @lfegoeson

#cho sang woo #cho sangwoo #sangwoo squid game #squid game #park haesoo #cho sang woo x reader #cho sangwoo x you #squid game fic #fanfic #park hae soo #sang woo x reader

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softmamawrites · 2 days ago

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Love Within These Halls: Part 2

The second installment of LWTH, we don’t see as much Brenny I’m sorry for that.

19.3k words

Warnings: swearing, John not being nice to himself, talking of pee, masturbation in front of someone else, semi-public sex, soft penis blowjobs, handjobs, first time smut, some more not nice talking about penises, PTSD mentions, mentions of blood

mood board done by me

dividers done by: @firefly-graphics

special thank you to @trashbag-baby666 for listening to me ramble, helping me brain storm, indulging my Clegan thoughts, and being an amazing support. thank you 💕

“Knock knock…can I come in?” Marge asks as she stands outside of John’s room, the door halfway open. Showing off the boy sitting in his bed, freshly showered and scrolling through his phone. Looking through the pictures his sister had sent him of her class trip to D.C. Raising an eyebrow as he sees the blonde girl, they had only really talked a handful of times. She was usually attached to Gale’s hip when she was here, and he hadn’t really talked to Gale in a few days. The blond keeping his distance, seeming to realize better than John how upset he was.

“You can come in…” He trails off, waiting for the boy who’s been on his mind constantly to come into the room. A little bloom of disappointment filling his chest when he notices it’s just Marge stepping in. She leans against the foot of his bed, her hip cocked to keep herself balanced. Arms crossing over her chest as she stares at John, both of them not saying anything for a minute.

“I like you Bucky, I really do, but making my best friend cry. That takes you down a few notches on my list of likable people. I’m not here to fight Gale’s battles for him, but I am here to tell you ignoring him isn’t okay. I know he’s the king of ignoring people, but he isn’t going to come to you this time. He thinks you’re mad at him, which if you are…fuck you. He didn’t do anything wrong, you should be happy that he gets to come home. He’s put in a lot of work to get there, more than you’ve seen. So what I’m saying is, apologize for being a dick, and decide from there if this is something you still want to pursue.” The black haired boy sits there, staring at her, not knowing what to say. Taken aback by how incredibly calm she is, not used to dealing with calm women. He takes a deep breath and rubs his palms over his basketball shorts, looking out the window. Before he looks back at her again, seeing her patiently waiting.

“When do you guys leave?”

“We’re heading out of here at 430 today…gives you about three hours Egan.” She tells the older boy, before she’s pushing off of his bed and heading back for his door. Turning slightly with her hand on the wood, taking a deep breath and contemplating for a minute.

“He really does like you John…it might not seem like it. But he does, trust me, I’ve known him since we were three years old.” Bucky nods softly and watches her walk out, looking at the clock on his wall. Eyes trailing over the calendar, sighing softly as he sees all of the markings on it. Gale having doodled some little pictures on the edges, little cartoon characters that John didn’t recognize. Picking up his phone he clicks over to the text chats, chewing on his lower lip as he clicks his and Buck’s.

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘I know you’re packing and whatnot today…but would you have a few minutes to come down to my room? I’ve been put on bed rest for the rest of today. If not I understand, I’ve been a real jerk the last few days.’

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘You have been a real jerk…give me 30 minutes and I’ll come down. You do realize you’ll have to tell me why you got put on bed rest now.’

John smiles softly as he looks at the message, running a hand down his face and shifting in bed. Using his arms to push himself upright better, tucking one of his wedge pillows into his side. Reaching for his brush to try and fix his hair, groaning when it hits the floor. Frowning as he reaches for his baseball cap instead, putting it on backwards.

Trying not to let the ball of anxiety in his stomach grow as he waits for Gale. Looking up at the gentle knock on his doorframe, seeing the tall blond standing there. His eyes downcast as he waits for permission to come into the room, something tugging on John’s chest. He did not like this version of Gale, this version of Gale made him feel nauseous.

“You can come in Buck.” The younger boy slowly comes into the room, leaning exactly where Marge did earlier. His hip and thigh resting against the footboard of John’s bed. His arms crossed over his chest, bunching up the sweater he’s wearing today. Rubbing the toe of his shoe into the ground slightly, while he chews on his lower lip.

“I’m…I’m sorry Gale, I’m really really happy for you that you get to go home. I know you’ve worked really hard to get to do that, you should be proud of you. I know I am.” John says as he looks at the blond, watching as his eyes come up. Pretty blue eyes sad around the edges, making Bucky’s heart ache a little bit. Knowing he’s the one who put that sad look in those blue orbs. He shifts slightly to try and reach forward for Gale’s hand, the boy shaking his head slightly.

“You didn’t give me the chance to tell you, I really was going to. I got distracted when I saw you…because you make me feel so fucking good John. You’ve ignored me for the past three days and it’s been absolutely awful. And it terrifies me how much I enjoy being around you…I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had anyone besides Marge. And I want you, I want you so so much. But not if this is how it’s going to be…not if you’re going to ignore me.” Buck gets out, it all seeming to spill out of him without his consent. Shoulders deflating in the slightest bit, refusing to meet John’s eyes. Bucky makes a soft sound, taking a deep breath as he sits there. Frustrated that he can’t get up to hug the other, but realizing that Gale doesn’t want a hug right now. He doesn’t deal with his emotions with physical touch like John does, physical touch hasn’t always been an answer for Gale. He’s had to learn how to self soothe, he’s had to be there for himself always.

“Gale, I need you to hear me when I say I’m sorry. I really really love being around you, it’s the best time I’ve had in the past few weeks. I don’t want you to think you’re by yourself, I don’t want you to feel alone, I want you to know I’m here for you. I’m so sorry I ignored you, I know that doesn’t fix everything. It doesn’t even come close, but please believe me when I say I won’t let it happen again. I didn’t know what to say, I felt like a fucking idiot, and I didn’t know if you’d still want to do what we’ve been doing once you left. And…I want to go home. I want to leave this place behind so I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to come back here either.” Bucky explains as he sits there, rubbing his hands on his sweat pants. Not expecting it when he feels arms curling around his neck, the burst of vanilla cologne filling his nose. Citrus aftershave following close behind, a nose tucking above his ear while his head snugs in against Gale’s collar bone. His own arms coming up to curl around the blond’s narrow waist, tugging him closer until the boy is kneeling on the bed next to him. Both of them breathing quietly, digesting what the other has said.

“You’re an idiot…of course I want to keep talking to you and seeing you. I want to keep doing this…I’d like for this to have some kind of label, because Marge calling us fuck buddies isn’t great. But if that doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. But you’re a giant idiot John.” The black haired boy laughs quietly and nods his head, large palms rubbing up Gale’s sides. Squeezing softly and holding him a little closer to himself, nuzzling into his skin. Eyes staying closed as he feels the warmth radiating off of the younger boy.

“I am an idiot…but I’m your idiot. Or I’d like to be…if you’ll still have me.” Gale pulls away from John’s hair, looking down at him with soft eyes. His palms coming up to cup Bucky’s curls, knocking his ball cap off of his head. Before he’s resting his forehead down onto the older boy’s, breathing deeply. Scooting just a little closer, their chests touching now as Gale rests against the other boy.

“You know you still have to tell me why you’re on bed rest, don’t think for a minute that I forgot.” John groans softly as he pulls away from the blond, looking at him with a pleading expression. An embarrassed flush starting on the tips of his ears, before he’s meeting Gale’s eyes again. A sheepish smile forming on his face, groaning while dropping his head back onto one of his pillows.

“I was being an asshole and tried to transfer myself off of the shower bench, ate shit, twisted my ankle, and got told off by Danica. Patrick is on vacation and she was not happy with me at all. Depending on how my ankle looks tomorrow will depend on if I can do actual PT or if it’ll be stretches here in my room.” Gale looks at him for a minute, blinking slowly before he lets out a snort. Shaking his head slightly before he starts actually laughing, head tipping forward with his snickers. John smiling a bit at the sound, looking up when he sees Marge standing in the doorway. An approving smile on her lips as she leans against the door jam, watching her best friend laugh.

“I’m really glad to see you two have made up.” Marge says, Gale looking up from where he’s been wiping his tears. Watching as his best friend comes farther into the room, a little grin on her face. Before she’s perching herself at the end of John’s bed, humming at the coziness of it.

“Marge can I introduce you to my idiot, John Egan.” Gale says smirking a bit, Bucky groaning softly as he looks at the blond. Marge letting out a laugh at that, seeing the little loved up smile on Gale’s face. His eyes holding a sort of softness to them that she’s never witnessed before. His cornflower blue eyes trained on John’s face, admiring the curve of his Adam’s apple and throat.

“That’s gonna stick isn’t it?” John questions as he looks at the blond, seeing the grin on his face before he’s nodding. Bucky smiling softly as he rubs his hand up Gale’s back gently, glad they are on better terms. The uneasiness that’s been like a ball in his stomach lessening.

————————

“John…I know you’re not going to like what I have to say right now. But your friend…he looks incredibly pathetic sitting out there by himself. Everyone else has left from their visiting times and he’s just waiting out there. He’s been here every single week waiting for you. How much longer are you going to punish him?” Gale asks once he’s stepped into the black haired boy’s room, looking at his boyfriend. Seeing the way he’s trying to tug off his shoe, huffing softly at the pull in his back. The blond walking over and tugging off his shoes for him, setting them in their designated place. Knowing John will roll right over them with his chair if they don’t go back where they belong.

“I’m not punishing him…”

“John, he’s been coming here every week for almost two and a half months. You’re torturing him because he knows you’re down here, maybe he just wants to get eyes on you. I’m sure the last time he saw you was not a good experience for either of you.” Gale states as he works on one calf muscle, before going to the next. Kneading his muscles tenderly, before he’s looking up at John. Seeing him staring out of the window, a pensive look on his face as he sits there.

“You really should see the massage therapist, I know it gets offered to you. I don’t know why you decline it every time though, your muscles are really tight. It would probably help.” John swallows thickly, looking down at his boyfriend finally. Meeting his gaze, watching as Gale rests his palms on Bucky’s kneecaps. Rubbing his thumbs into the sides gently, feeling the slight twitch from John’s right leg. Smiling a bit at the ticklish reaction, before he’s meeting Bucky’s gaze again.

“Massage therapy makes me nervous, they’re going to touch my body and I can’t feel it all of the way anymore. And it would be Danica rubbing me down…it’d be weird…he looks pathetic?” Gale hums softly and nods his head, looking up at his boyfriend again. Seeing the way he’s staring out the window, before he lets out a deep breath. Eyes darting over to the clock on his wall, and then looking back at Gale.

“I’ll go with you if you want honey.” John shakes his head slightly and runs his calloused hands over his face. Before he’s leaning forward and resting his forehead on Gale’s, eyes closed while he sits there for a minute.

“I gotta do it on my own.”

John slowly wheels himself into the visiting area, brows furrowed as he goes. Lifting his head to look around, seeing the head of black hair sitting at one of the tables. Shoulders scrunched down in his leather jacket, no doubt fiddling with his thumbs. His leg jiggling as he sits there, making his body bounce slightly.

“I’m only coming out here because my boyfriend said you looked pathetic.” John states as he stops his chair behind Curt, giving the boy a chance to flip around. The plastic chair he’s sitting in screeching slightly in his fast movements. His electric blue eyes wide, not at all having expected John to come out today. He had been trying for almost two and a half months, once John’s older sister had told him where he was. He made the weekly visits, every Wednesday coming to sit and wait for a few hours. Just to see if John would give him the time of day, he wanted to lay eyes on a more coherent Bucky.

“Y you’ve got a boyfriend now?” Curt gets out, scolding himself mentally for that being the first thing he says to his best friend. Watching as John shifts in his chair, arms crossing over his chest. Breathing deeply as he stares at Curtis, seeing how his blue eyes don’t have that same boyish shine to them anymore. Bone deep exhausted bags under his eyes, making a frown form on Bucky’s face. Curt wincing as he waits for the younger boy to tell him to go, clenching his fist against the back of the chair as he waits.

“You look like shit.”

“Yea…I know. Haven’t slept a night through in almost three and a half months.” Curtis responds, watching as John slowly wheels himself over towards the table. Carefully turning himself so he can watch his best friend, not missing how John eyes the cookies. Homemade from his Nan, he knew the younger boy loved them, and if it was a bit of bribery he would never admit it. John wheels himself up to the table, pushing one of the chairs over slightly so he fits better. Curt moving to grab it, before he sees Bucky shaking his head slightly.

“If you’re going to start apologizing, I’ll wheel out of here. I’ve had a little time to think on it, it wasn’t your fault that night. And…I’m sorry for how I acted towards you when you came to the hospital before.” John voices like it’s been rehearsed, it had been, a few times to Gale. The boy was anxious about seeing Curt again, the older was always his rock. He always could rely on him, and Bucky had pushed him away.

Disregarding any of Curtis’ feelings, how the accident might have affected him, how this entire mess was hurting his best friend. Looking up when he hears the stifled sound come out of Curt’s mouth, he sees the boy with tears in his eyes. Trying to frantically wipe them away, John feeling a little helpless. He had never seen Curt cry before, not even when he broke his ankle during a football game being tackled.

“Jesus Christ Bucky…I shouldn’t have let Ham get behind the wheel that night. I knew how fucked up he was, we all should have just walked home or something. I didn’t even know what happened until the next day, it was Janie who told me how bad you got hurt. And when I saw you in that hospital bed, fuck John, it hurt so bad. And I was trying to give you space, I really was, I just needed to see you more…alive.” Curt finishes before he’s covering his face again, shoulders shaking slightly. Crying quietly into his palms as he sits there, almost jumping out of his skin when he feels Bucky pulling him into a hug. His arms curling around the taller boy’s shoulders, hugging him tightly while burying his face in his throat. John keeps his arms around the smaller boy’s waist, hugging him to his body.

“I don’t need to forgive you…because you didn’t do anything wrong Curt. But you need to forgive yourself.” John murmurs quietly as he holds his best friend a little tighter to himself. Feeling the way the other boy’s hands scrabble to grab the back of his shirt. Letting him cry for as long as he needs to, rubbing his back through his leather jacket.

————————

“Gale? What are you doing here?” Brady asks as he stops outside of John’s room, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees Gale sitting and reading a book. Brady was coming to sit with Bucky and watch a movie, or the latest episode of the show they’ve been binging. Brady having needed to find something to keep himself occupied now that Gale had gone home. The brunet missing his friend even if they did text every single day.

“I’m waiting for John, he’s in the rec room visiting his friend. How are you? No Benny today?” Gale questions, popping his bookmark into his book. Sitting up straighter in John’s bed, moving one of the wedge pillows the boy has there. Setting his book on John’s tray table, smiling as he sees Brady slowly stepping into the room.

“N no, he had an emergency meeting or something with school. Couldn’t come today.” Brady responds, shrugging softly as he fiddles with his rosary. Rubbing his fingers over the smooth beads, Gale watching as he silently counts them. Realizing briefly that Brady is doing better than when he was first admitted. His hands weren’t always scrubbed raw anymore, and he didn’t pace as often. He had even touched Meatball a handful of times without having a full blown panic attack. Benny giving praise each time, which would in turn make Brady blush a furious red color.

“Are you guys talking more regularly now? I know he asked for your number last time he was here.” Gale says, trying not to pry but wanting his friend to know he can talk. Gale was working hard on making and keeping connections. Still diligently coming to therapy once a week on Thursdays with Maureen. He usually would see John afterwards, and that usually meant he stayed for dinner. Him and Marge lived together now in her two bedroom apartment, so they ate dinner together every night. And Gale would be lying if he said he remembered to eat every meal every day. But he was putting in the conscious effort to at least try.

“Y yea, we are. He texts me pictures of Meatball sometimes…we FaceTimed the other night for a little bit. That was nice, he was doing homework but it was nice to still talk to him.” The blond boy smiles as he looks at his friend, seeing how he’s stopped fidgeting. The beads just an accessory in his hand, holding them in his palm instead of obsessively counting them. Brady knew every groove, every edge, how many beads there are, and how many silver pieces. He knew this rosary like it was a piece of his body, because it was essentially an extension of himself.

“That sounds like it’s really nice, I’m really glad to hear that you guys are talking more.” They both look over at the sound of wheels rolling closer to the room. John coming into view just a moment later, Gale holding his breath slightly. Not sure what kind of mood the older boy is going to be in, watching as he wheels himself into the room. Looking up from where he’s been staring at his knee caps, exposed by his basket ball shorts. A bag of cookies sitting in his lap, chocolate chip if Gale could see correctly.

“Oh…hey Little John, is it marvel movie time?”

John asks, slightly confused as he looks at the brunet, flicking his eyes to Gale. Not really having the energy to entertain Brady tonight but also knowing that he’s been lonely since Gale got discharged. Brady looks at the older boy, before he’s shaking his head slightly, even if it disrupts his routine. He would be okay, he could go to his room or go to the rec room to find something to do. Maybe he would call his sister and see how she was doing, or his mom.

“No, it’s okay. We can watch the movie tomorrow. You look tired. Was just stopping by to see Gale.” He informs the older boy, rising from the chair and smiling a little at them both. Before he’s going to step out, pausing next to John and gently tapping his shoulder. Gale’s jaw dropping slightly as he watches, before Brady is heading from the room. Bucky looks up at his boyfriend, chuckling softly at his expression.

“He just, he touched you! I have gotten exactly one hug from him, and it was one of the most awkward hugs I’ve ever gotten. And he just willingly touched you. He’s doing so good.” The blond says, eyes watering for a moment as he thinks of how far the younger boy has come. John smiling a bit before he’s wheeling himself over towards his bed, letting out a long breath. Parking the chair next to the bed and reaching for the remote to slowly start lowering it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gale asks as he looks at his boyfriend, chewing on his lower lip as he examines the older’s face. Seeing the pinched skin between his eyebrows, his plush lower lip between his teeth, muscles looking a little tight. John locking the wheels of his chair and moving so he can transfer himself. Gale shifting his body over, ready to get up and help if John’s arms fail at all. Bucky slowly gets himself into the bed, pulling his legs up, while huffing softly from the exertion.

The both of them get under John’s comforter, Gale leaning over to tuck a wedge pillow behind John’s back. Tucking him onto his side gently, while John feels the tears welling. Quickly blinking them back as he lays there, looking up the slightly tanned line of Gale’s neck. Before the blond is laying next to him on his own side, bringing a hand up to gently touch John’s hip in a soothing manner.

“He cried…Curt cried in front of me. I’ve seen him break his ankle, fall out of a tree, flip his dirt bike, have his heart broken. I’ve never seen him cry Gale, he blames himself. He fucking blames himself for what happened…it wasn’t his fault.” John says, the ending coming out in a whisper before tears are finally breaking free. Gale scooting closer to wrap him in a hug, letting John tuck his face into his throat. Little shakes racking up the black haired boy’s shoulders, arms curled and tucked into his sides. The blond letting him cry, gently petting and caressing his hair. Running his fingers through the messy curls, chin pressed against John’s head.

“Are you two going to see each other more? Maybe start talking again?” Gale asks softly once John has calmed down some, said boy’s face tacky with dry salty tears. His forehead pressed into the side of Gale’s throat, breathing having evened out. No longer shuddery when he exhales, his arm curled around the blond’s waist. Needing that skin to skin contact, craving it, it being one of the only things that keeps him calm.

“Yea…said he’s gonna come back next week for another visit. He’s starting a new job though, so he won’t be able to come until dinner time. But thought it would be nice to have dinner with him again, I’ve missed him.” John admits as he breathes deeply, Gale nodding in understanding. Kissing the top of John’s curls, breathing in the faint smell of his shampoo. It always made Gale smile whenever he smelt it, coconutty and absolutely not what he expected. John took good care of his curls, had told him once his older sister Janie would kill him if he didn’t. John may look like a 3 in 1 guy, but he definitely had more shower products than even Gale did.

“I’m glad you guys talked today, I’m glad you’re going to start seeing him more too. I think it’ll be good for you.” Bucky nods his head in agreement, tired from everything that’s happened. PT was physically exhausting, but seeing Curt again and watching the older boy lose it, was a kind of mental exhaustion he didn’t know he could feel. Gale keeps rubbing his back as they lay together, fingers tracing the scars without realizing it. Lulling John into a quiet sleep, nose tucked close to Gale’s pulse point. Long arm curled up under the back of Gale’s sweater, just holding him close.

————————

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘Are you awake still?’

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Yea, was finishing an episode of ‘British Bake Off’, fucking Patricia burnt her caramel.’

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘Six attachments’

“Jesus fuck.” John gasps out, looking up at the closed door of his room out of habit. Laying tucked on his side, wedge pillows stuffed next to his spine and butt. His eyes wide as he clicks on the pictures, jaw dropping as he sees the images of Gale’s cock. Flushed pink, tip looking wet and ruddy, Gale’s hand wrapped around himself. John feels arousal pooling low in his stomach, flicking through the different pictures.

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Did you text me for a booty call? Because last I checked…you don’t have a car and I can’t drive…’

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Your cock is still the prettiest I’ve ever seen…definitely would put you in my mouth if you were here.’

John’s phone buzzes with an impending FaceTime call, swiping to answer it. He’s met with Gale’s bunny face, pink cheeked, a little sweaty, strands of his hair falling on his forehead. Bucky’s eyes go wide, taking in the way the blond is trying to focus on the screen. John is thankful that he has his headphone in his ear, able to hear the way Gale is whimpering quietly.

“Baby…are you touching yourself right now?” John murmurs, his heart speeding up in his chest, shifting just slightly in his bed. Watching the way Gale rapidly nods his head, jaw dropping down on a moan. Slightly high pitched and needy, John groaning softly in response. His eyes watching with rapt attention, the other boy’s phone shaking just slightly. Another whine coming from Gale’s mouth, eyes squeezing shut.

“Wanna, I wanna see your cock. Wanna see you touch yourself…please John?” Gale whimpers out, shifting just slightly on the bed, trying to get a better angle. Opening his eyes to look at John, seeing the way he’s staring at him. Glasses reflecting the light just slightly, his jaw dropped open. His own cheeks tinged a pink color as he lays there, infatuated with the other boy.

“Baby…why don’t I just talk you through it? Are you…fuck are you fingering yourself?” John gets out, watching the little shudder course through Gale’s body. The blond bobbing his head in acknowledgement, moaning as he presses down on his prostate. Desperately wishing he had thought to grab the vibrator, it curved just right inside of him. A frown forming on his face as he lays there, opening his eyes to stare back at his boyfriend.

“Wanna see you cum…please, wanna know you feel good too. Don’t wanna use you.”

“Fuck baby you can use me anytime. God I wish I was there, have your pretty cock in my mouth and put my fingers inside of you. You make the prettiest sounds.” Gale whines softly at the image John is painting behind his eyelids. His fingers pressing into himself a little quicker now, dropping his phone down to flick on the light. Blinding himself momentarily, before he’s trying to set his phone on the nightstand. John groaning when he gets a decent view of Gale, naked on his bed.

“You have such a pretty cock baby…I say it all the time but it’s true. I want you to choke me with it, will you do that next time? Hold my hair and make me take your cock? Oh fuck Gale, how many fingers do you have in yourself?” The black haired boy asks, his stomach tightening slightly as he watches. Gale shifting himself around so he can splay his legs open for John to watch. Stuffing a pillow under his butt to angle himself up enough, knowing he’s been successful when he hears the moan let loose from the older boy.

“Fuck you look so good…want you to ride my face. Just want to get my mouth on you, I should have licked my fingers clean the last time. Put a third finger in baby…mine are bigger than yours…it’ll be a stretch. Oh fuck look at you.” John almost whimpers the end as he watches Gale stuff three of his fingers into himself. His other hand moving as he strokes himself, thighs splayed wide for John to see everything. The boy unable to take his eyes off of the way Gale is touching himself. Listening to the bitten off whimpers from the blond, almost able to hear the wet squelch of lube.

“J John…I’m gonna cum.” Gale gasps out as his thighs tense, pressing against his prostate with every in stroke. His other thumb rubbing quick circles over his tip, a little puddle of precum on the skin below his belly button. Making the hair there sticky, the little mole on his skin shiny. His fingers pushing into himself quicker now, chasing his orgasm. Whines starting up as he works himself towards the edge, listening to John.

“Cum for me doll…cover yourself in it. That’s it, keep going. Fuck I want to watch you lick it off your fingers afterwards…and you’re gonna look at me while you do it. Fuck baby, yes fuck that’s it. You’re a good boy for me, fucking yourself so nicely when I’m not there.” Gale sobs out as he starts to orgasm, strips landing on his stomach and chest. Shivers rolling up his spine as he squeezes around himself tighter, fingers pushed against his sweet spot. Working himself through the aftershocks, able to hear John praising him on the other end of the phone. Glad he popped an ear bud in, not wanting Marge to hear the debauched way John is talking.

He slips his fingers from himself, whining softly at the loss, before he’s going to move so he’s facing John better. Blown pupils meeting the older boy’s, seeing how spit slick his lips are. No doubt from the boy biting down into them, his cheeks a pink color. Gale looks at him, bringing his fingers up to lick them clean. Bucky letting out a little whimper, his jaw dropping open. The blond making a bit of a show of it, sucking his cum off of his fingers.

“Jesus fucking Christ doll…I’m definitely getting you in my mouth next time.” John states once he’s caught his breath, Gale smiling and chuckling a bit. Laying in his bed, blissed out, a little tingly, and now getting sleepy. Turning his head to look back at his boyfriend, he sees him shifting in the bed. Wincing at the pull in his back as he tries to adjust the pillow behind his butt.

“Next time…I’m getting you in my mouth John. You’re lucky I had already started…as much as I enjoyed you talking me through it. I don’t like feeling like I’ve used you…” Gale tells the older boy, shifting to grab his phone, rising from his bed. Snagging his briefs and sneaking out of the bedroom to clean himself in the bathroom quickly.

Putting his finger to his mouth, even though Marge wouldn’t be able to hear John’s voice at all. Wiping himself up and using the restroom before he slides his deep blue briefs back up. Going back to his room and grabbing his pajama pants, pulling those on before he gets into bed. Rubbing his eye and flipping off the lamp, surrounded in darkness again aside from his phone screen.

“Go ahead…I can see it, you’re bursting at the seams.”

“You didn’t use me, I haven’t tried touching myself since the accident. The last time we did anything, it’s the first time someone has touched me since then. I feel awkward playing with my soft dick, don’t know how to do it, not used to not getting hard anymore. I definitely enjoyed watching you touch yourself, it might have single handedly been the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed.” John states as he looks at his boyfriend, reaching for the remote to lower the upper portion of his bed. Trying to take some pressure off of his back, Gale watching him. Waiting for the boy to get more comfortable, tugging up his blanket to cover his shoulders. The deep green comforter brought from home by his little sister, a little weighted and keeping John pleasantly warm.

“I respect what you’re saying…I want you to know though. It still turns me on to see your dick, even if it is soft. I still enjoy making you cum, watching your facial expressions. Listening to your sounds, it’s still hot to me. You don’t ever have to touch yourself, but never be embarrassed about it. Because, I enjoy your cock, and I think if we work together we can make it good for you.” John feels his face get hot, the tips of his ears burning a little bit. Burying his face in the blanket for a minute as he contemplates what he wants to say. His glasses fogging up just a little bit as he lays there with a little smile on his face. Gale smiling victoriously, he rarely ever got John to go quiet.

“Waxing poetic on me here Buck. Really know how to make a guy feel special.”

“Nah…I just know how to make you feel special.” The blond responds while smiling a little to himself, eyes closing as he listens to the soft chuckle flow through the speakers. Sleepiness invading his senses, body feeling heavy and relaxed from his orgasm. Listening as John says something about talking more tomorrow, already too far gone in sleep to respond.

————————

“Buck what are you doing? I need to shower, I smell.” John says as he gets wheeled into his room, the door clicking closed behind them both. Gale humming softly as he rolls the older boy over to his bed, grabbing the remote to lower it down.

“You are getting a massage today, and I’m going to suck your cock.” Gale states with a little shrug like it’s not a big deal, John choking on his Gatorade as he looks up at his boyfriend. Eyes widening as he sees that he is completely serious, the blond getting the bed down. Turning back to look at John with a little smirk on his lips.

“So do you want your massage first or your cock sucked? Because I’m down for either right now.”

“Jesus Christ Gale…what if someone walks in?” John gets out, clutching the bottle in his hand tightly. Feeling arousal pooling in his lower stomach, his eyes wide. Gale sits on the side of the bed, pulling John over towards himself. His large hands sliding up the older boy’s thighs, squeezing gently before he’s leaning in to press a kiss to John’s cheek. Kissing in a slow move over to the other boy’s lips, pushing his mouth against his. Sucking and nipping at his lower lip, dragging a hand up to grab at John’s chest, pinching at his nipple over his shirt.

“If someone knocks at the door, you’re going to tell them you’re laying down for a nap…do you want me to suck your cock John?” Gale murmurs as he drags his nose across the older boy’s jaw, moving over to nip at his ear. Goosebumps forming on John’s skin, his eyes fluttering closed. Whimpering when Gale slides his hand into his shirt to pinch and tug at his nipple. His other hand rubbing down onto John’s length through his shorts, squeezing slightly. The black haired boy whining at the dual sensations, hands gripping the arm rests of his chair.

“Fuck…of course I want you to suck my cock doll…oh fuck.” He gasps out when Gale pushes his hand into his shorts and briefs, gliding across the hair on John’s pelvic bone. Scratching through it gently, before he curls his hand around John’s soft cock. Squeezing gently, letting go and continuing on to cup the older boy’s balls. Rubbing his thumb over the globes, massaging them in his palm. Listening to the hiccuping breaths coming from John, bringing his face back so he can watch the other’s expressions.

“Does it feel good John?” The black haired boy nods, eyes fluttering closed as he moans softly. His stomach sucking in when Gale grips him a little tighter, tugging softly before letting go. Pulling John’s shorts down enough for his length to spill out, both of them looking down. John opening his mouth, before making a sound as two of Gale’s fingers are shoving past his lips.

“Don’t…I can see you getting ready to apologize, I’ll stop if you do. Let me play with you, let me make you feel good, yea?” The blond asks as he looks at the other boy, seeing him bob his head, a smile forming on his face. Slipping his fingers from John’s mouth as he slides down onto the floor. Situating John’s foot pedals so he can scoot closer, pulling his hair into a low bun. Securing it with a hair tie off of his wrist, his hands skimming across the other’s thighs. Humming softly as he does, smiling at the black haired boy.

“You always say my cock is pretty…have you seen yours? It’s so thick John, I’d feel you for days.” Gale states as he wraps his hand around his length, squeezing softly and tilting him up. Leaning down to lick across his tip, hearing the little whimper fall from Bucky’s mouth. His eyes flicking up while he smiles, before he’s flattening his tongue. Licking down the underside, going down to his balls and sucking one into his mouth. Laving his tongue around, humming softly and shifting to the other one. Making a popping sound when he pulls off, dragging his tongue back up John’s cock.

“Oh fuck Gale…keep going…please.” John murmurs as his lower stomach spasms, his eyes flicking to the door. Before he’s groaning at the feel of Gale wrapping his lips around his tip, sucking and flicking his tongue. Dipping it into the little slit, while his long fingers squeeze and move in little increments. Bucky’s eyes dropping back down to watch, one of his hands coming down to clutch at Gale’s bicep where it’s resting on his thigh. Whining when he feels the blond suck at him a little harder, dipping his head in an even motion now.

“You look so pretty…your lips are so pretty. Fuck Gale, oh fucking shit.” The black haired boy pants out as his nose scrunches up, his hand desperately gripping at Gale’s bicep. Gale moaning as he gets a little salty taste suddenly, flicking his tongue back up to John’s tip. Looking up to watch as John’s head falls back, the pale expanse of his neck exposed. Gale sliding his hand down to squeeze and massage his balls, tugging at them slightly. John’s free hand slapping up to cover his mouth as he moans, blunt nails digging into Gale’s inner arm. The blond presses all of the way down, nose touching the hair at John’s base. Swallowing around him, his tip touching the back of his throat and lodging there perfectly.

“I’m, fuck, Gale, I’m gonna cum. P pull up, fuck pull up.” John gasps out, shuddering at the growl released from Gale’s chest. Eyes flicking down to meet the little glare on the blond boy’s face. Feeling as Gale rubs his balls again, squeezing and massaging. Looking right up at John and watching as the tears well in the black haired boy’s eyes. His chin tipping to his chest as he starts to orgasm, jaw dropping open with stuttered out whimpers. Gale’s eyes fluttering a little as he tastes the dribbles spilling from John, salty and a little bitter. Pulling back slowly, licking at him the entire time as he goes. Before he’s popping off, panting quietly as he kneels between John’s legs on the floor.

“Did so well John, tastes so good.” Gale murmurs, voice a little hoarse as he carefully helps tuck the older’s cock away. Leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of John’s lips, smiling when he is being nose bumped. Their lips meeting in a kiss, both of them letting out soft sounds as they sit there. Before Gale is hoisting himself up onto the side of John’s bed, resting his forehead on the older’s. Jumping a bit when he feels John’s warm palm sliding up his thigh, squeezing softly.

“This was about you, I’m alright. Let’s get you into the shower and then I’m rubbing you down with this oil that Marge swears by.” The blond says smiling softly as he looks at his boyfriend, John taking a deep breath. Looking up at Gale with slightly sleepy eyes, the workout from PT combined with the blowjob making him tired. His large hand going around to hold the back of Gale’s neck and head. Pulling him close for a kiss, sucking gently at the blond’s lower lip. Both of them melting into the touch, just enjoying the push and pull of their mouths.

“You’re going to tell me if I hurt you at all right?” Gale asks as he kneels over the backs of John’s calves, the boy stripped down to his basket ball shorts. Fresh from the shower, skin still a little damp, curls wet and floppy. His head pillowed by his forearms, bed completely flat giving them plenty of room. The bottle of oil that Marge insisted he get for this warming between Gale’s hands.

“I’ll let you know Buck, can’t hurt worse than it always does anyways.” Bucky responds with a little shrug, resting his heavy head on the back of his hands. Gale frowning at that comment, before he’s uncapping the bottle and squeezing some into his palm. Dropping the bottle onto the bed, rubbing his hands together, and gently setting them to one of John’s thighs. Feeling the coarse, curly hair there digging his thumbs in gently. Working the tense muscles with a careful touch, covering John’s entire thighs and going down to his calves.

“You’re in pain because your muscles are like locked in an iron grip. God damn John.” Gale mumbles as he rubs and digs his thumbs in, listening to the even breathing that John is doing. The boy not responding to most of the touches, even if his skin goosebumps up. The sensation is dull, tingling going up his legs, before Gale is moving up his thighs again. Smirking as he massages the tense muscles under John’s butt, squeezing gently.

“Trying to get fresh with me Buck?” Gale snorts softly as he shakes his head a bit, smiling as he continues on his journey. Feeling John stiffen a bit when he gets to his hips, tugging the waist band of his shorts down slightly. Looking at the scars sitting there, before he’s leaning down and pressing his lips to the line. The scar tissue thick, raised up off of John’s skin, and a dark reddish pink color. Still in the process of fully healing, a little shudder going up the older boy’s back. More goosebumps rising as he lays there, able to fully feel Gale’s hands on him now.

“I already got fresh with you John…I’m trying to get you to relax for me.” The blond answers as he drips more oil into his hands and warms it. Before he’s massaging the pale expanse of the other boy’s back, rubbing his thumbs in soothing swipes. Feeling the tension slowly leaking out of John’s body, his eyes fluttering closed.

Letting a soft sigh spill from his lips, feeling the way Gale rests on his thighs. Being mindful of how hard he presses on certain areas, admiring the imperfections in John’s skin. Freckles, moles, stretch marks along his hips and under his arm pits. A few faint scars from bad acne breakouts, followed by the surgical scars lining his spine.

“That feels good…thank you.” John hums softly, muscles feeling like goo as he lays there. Eyes closed, cheek squished against the back of his hand, body completely lax. Gale smiles a bit as he continues, finishing up by John’s neck and shoulders. Pressing his forehead against the back of John’s barely damp curls. Breathing deeply, getting hit with the coconut scent of his shampoo and conditioner.

“You don’t have to thank me…but you’re welcome.” Gale murmurs as he turns John’s head with a bump of his nose to his ear. Smiling as he places a kiss to John’s cheek, nuzzling close for a minute. Feeling the way John’s cheek crinkles up with a smile, both of them breathing quietly for a few moments.

“I love you.” Gale whispers after a few minutes, his heart freezing in his chest. Not at all having expected that to spill out from his mouth, pulling away from John’s face. Seeing the way John has turned his head more to try and look at Gale. His own eyes wide, making Gale want to shrink away worried that he’s just ruined all of this.

“I love you too Gale.” John responds in a soft voice, trying to shift so he can look at the blond boy. Gale moving off of his body, sitting next to him with slick hands. Staring at his palms, heart still racing, stomach in knots. Before he feels John’s big fingers gently touching his cheek, getting him to meet his gaze.

“I mean it Gale…I really do love you. I think I have for a while now.”

“I love you too John…which terrifies me…” John nods his head in understanding, rubbing his thumb across Gale’s high cheek bone. Before he’s bringing the blond’s forehead against his own, their noses bumping. Both of them breathing quietly, John not wanting to overwhelm Gale at all. His fingers rubbing and massaging the nape of his neck, gently playing with the longer strands.

“What scares you about it?” The black haired man asks softly as he rubs his thumb under Gale’s ear gently. Reaching for the little towel he keeps by his bedside, offering it to Gale to wipe his hands off. Watching as the blond meticulously wipes the oil off of his hands, making sure it’s not stuck between his fingers at all.

“I’ve never had someone love me for just being me. Except for Marge…and Marge has seen me through some awful stuff. I’ve never had someone love me just because they want to, it usually comes with stipulations. My dad used me when he could and he beat me because he could. My mom had her own issues, she was a bipolar depressive woman who had a kid she didn’t want. This is all new for me…and new scares me. I’m scared you’re going to look at me one day and decide you don’t want me anymore. I’m terrified that I’m going to hurt you like my dad and mom hurt me. I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want us to turn into them.” Gale explains as he stares at his hands, John laying on his side staring at his boyfriend. Before he’s gently turning the blond’s face to look at him, eyes soft and tender. Brushing his long strands of hair back, trying to get the other boy to look at him. Taking a deep breath in and choosing his words wisely.

“My love isn’t conditional…my love doesn’t demand you be anything but yourself. I love this Gale that’s sitting in front of me, this one sitting here is holding my heart in his hands. I didn’t know your parents, but if they were like mine. I’m aiming to be nothing like my dad, he was a mean piece of work when he wanted to be. And my ma didn’t deserve that, I have no idea why she’s still with him. I’m not saying this to compare trauma either Gale. But if we don’t want to turn into them…then we’ve actively got to work to not be them.” John explains as he looks at the blond, finally getting his cornflower blue eyes to come up. A shiny glassy sheen over them, before he’s nodding his head in agreement. Letting John pull him into a hug, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder. His thinner arm curling around John’s waist, both of them just resting together.

“Just so you know…I’m absolutely going to randomly tell you I love you now. So good luck with that.” John murmurs a little while later, Gale smiling and letting a little chuckle slip from his mouth. Pressing a kiss to John’s cheek and snuggling close, enjoying how warm the older boy’s body is compared to his own.

“I won’t ever say no to you telling me you love me.” Gale murmurs as he kisses John’s cheek again, smiling when the older boy brings him over for a proper kiss. Gale making a mental note to get chapstick for John, but still enjoying the feel of his lips against his own.

————————

“Hi Gale, he’s back in his room. I know he’s had a headache, so he might be napping.” Nurse Hadley says smiling when she sees the blond making his way through the corridor. Having come from the floor above, therapy having been good that day. He had worked through a lot of emotions with Maureen pertaining to applying to school, and how that will change his life.

“Thank you Nurse Hadley.” He replies before heading down the hallway for Bucky’s room, a little pep in his step. He felt good today, not in a manic way where everything felt good with no consequences. But in a, life is getting a little better kind of way, a way he doesn’t feel like he’s treading water. Rather he’s floating in it, he’s able to relax just a smidge and breathe for the first time in forever.

Stepping into John’s room makes him smile, the sketches from Janelle are hanging on the wall, his giant calendar decorated for the month. There’s a few photos on his dresser now, the one of him and Curt placed delicately. The plastic covering it is still broken, but John won’t replace it. The smell in the room is completely John, his cologne mixed with his body wash.

Something woodsy, it reminds Gale of hiking in the summertime with Marge when they were younger. He looks up to see John sleeping in bed, laying on his left side with his pillows tucked all around him. His glasses are crooked on his face, like he fell asleep waiting, his phone face down on the bed. No doubt he was watching more ‘Great British Bake Off’, the obsession he had with that show Gale would never understand.

He quietly sets his satchel bag down on the chair, before he’s stepping over and gently taking off John’s glasses. Setting them on the tray table near by, picking up his phone to plug it in. Bucky was notorious for it just dying, he never seemed to realize it was dwindling down quickly. He goes to pull back John’s comforter, humming softly as he feels how soft it is between his fingers. Before he’s resting his hand on the bed to slide in, furrowing his brows at the wetness that meets his fingertips. Pulling his hand up and lifting the blankets a little more, his face is falling when realization takes over.

“John…honey, you’ve gotta get up. John.” Gale says quietly as he gently touches John’s shoulder with his dry hand. Trying not to startle the older boy, he runs his fingers through his curls softly. Before he gently shakes John, the older making a quiet sound as his face scrunches up. Squeezing his eyes shut before he’s opening them, smiling when his blurry eyes see Gale.

“Mm hi baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Come cuddle me.” John murmurs as he rubs his eye sleepily, briefly reminding Gale of a giant toddler. Lifting his head slightly, curls in a complete disarray before he’s able to see Gale’s expression. Shifting an arm down, his expression drops when he feels the wetness under him. Looking down quickly and almost making himself dizzy from the head tilt he sees the wet spot under him. Gale watching as a flurry of emotion filters across Bucky’s face, horror, shock, embarrassment, and then anger finally settling.

“John, it’s okay, let me call Rebecca or I think Sam is here today. It’s okay honey.” John doesn’t bring his eyes up to Gale, pushing the blankets down and glaring at his lap. His big hand is trying to blindly reach for his chair next to the bed. Groping around the air for it, before he’s suddenly almost tipping off the bed. The blond letting out a squawk and lunging for him, grabbing him by his shirt and kneeling in the wet spot with one knee. Keeping John stationed on the bed, their foreheads almost colliding.

“John stop, you’re going to hurt yourself. Let me call Sam in and he can help you. If you won’t let me, let him. I don’t want you to brain yourself on the floor. It was an accident, they happen, you couldn’t control that.” Gale is saying even as Bucky is shaking his head a bit. Hot tears forming in his eyes as he sits there, mortification sitting heavily in his stomach. A little whimper coming up his throat as he sits there, looking down at the bed again. Another sound slipping from his mouth when he sees that Gale is kneeling in his urine.

“I’m not a toddler…toddlers have accidents. I fucking pissed myself like a toddler. And now you’re fucking kneeling in it, you put your hand in it. All because I couldn’t fucking remember to go pee before I got into bed.” John gets out, trying desperately to not break down and cry. He did not want to cry in front of Gale, it would solidify his toddler stand point.

Refusing to meet the blond’s eyes as they both stay in the bed, before he’s catching the movement of Gale’s hand going to hit the call light. A defeated puff of air leaving his throat, a few hot tears of shame leaking down his cheeks. Before he’s quickly scrubbing his hands across his face when the knock on the door sounds. Nurse Hadley smiling as she steps in, before she’s seeing Gale holding both of John’s forearms.

“How can I help?” She’s asking as she closes the door 3/4 of the way, pumping hand sanitizer into her palm and stepping over. Eyes assessing everything she can see, landing on the wet spot on the bed, before she gets eyes on John again. Gale takes a deep breath as he looks at his boyfriend, waiting for him to talk. Not knowing how John wants to word this, not wanting to upset him any further.

“I need to take a shower…had an…I had an accident.” John mumbles the ending, Hadley nodding her head and going towards the connected bathroom. Turning on the shower head before stepping back out, lowering the bed a bit and pulling John’s chair over. Gale meets the nurse’s eyes for a second, before he’s watching her grab one of the towels off of John’s dresser and setting it on the seat.

“Okay, can you slide over? That’s it.” Hadley murmurs as she helps John into his chair, Gale letting go of his forearms. Kneeling there for a minute before John is slowly wheeling himself to the bathroom. Nurse Hadley is standing there for a minute, before she’s stepping over to the door frame. Letting John know she’ll bring him in some fresh towels, and to let her know when he’s ready to come out.

“I can change his sheets…I don’t think his comforter is dirty.“ Gale murmurs as he slowly gets off the bed, pushing said blanket down towards the foot of it. Wincing a little at the wetness coating the knees of his jeans, but knowing John probably has pants he can burrow. Hadley steps out into the hallway quietly, flagging down Rebecca to get towels, fresh sheets, and John’s pain medicine.

“John…can I come in? I need to wash my hands and change my pants.” Gale asks after he’s knocked on the door, hearing an affirming noise come from the older boy. He steps inside, being met by the steam from the shower, breathing deeply as he goes to wash his hands quietly. A pair of John’s joggers tucked under his arm, a drawstring on the waist so he can pull them snug on himself. He leans against the counter for a second, looking at the outline of John sitting under the water. His shower chair being pelted by the stream, while he sits there staring at the wall.

“I hope it’s okay that I’m burrowing your pants…I don’t have any here.” Gale says as he stands there, chewing on his lower lip. The water cutting off suddenly, John moving the curtain to the side to look at him. His eyes red rimmed, no doubt he had been crying in the shower. His curls are sopping wet on his forehead, almost reminding Gale of a long haired cat when they get wet. But his heart breaking at the expression on John’s face, his features trying to show no emotion. His eyes the only thing giving away how utterly devastated he’s feeling.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry you got my piss on your pants. I’m sorry my useless body can’t fucking work right. I’m sorry my dick doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. I’m sorry Gale.” John almost whimpers the end, the blond dropping the jogger pants onto the counter behind himself. Pressing his front to the other boy’s wet chest, not giving a damn if his sweater and shirt get soaked. His arms curling around the back of John’s neck to keep his face pressed against Gale’s chest. While John sits in the shower chair, crying quietly into the blond’s shirt.

“Your body isn’t useless John, you have no idea how strong you are. You’ve been through so much, you didn’t do anything wrong. Nobody is mad at you, except for you, you’re being your own worst enemy right now. You’re punishing yourself for something out of your control sweetheart.” Gale tells him softly, holding him close and rubbing his nose across his wet hair, squeezing him just a little tighter. Feeling as the shaking subsides in John’s shoulders, little wet sniffles coming from the older boy. Gale can feel shivers starting up John’s body, looking up just as Nurse Hadley is stepping in with towels.

Smiling softly at them, both Gale and Hadley wrapping John in two towels. One just wasn’t enough to cover his broad body, before she’s helping John transfer into his chair. Something he usually has no issues with but his entire body was drained. Arms shaking slightly, brain feeling exhausted and gooey, before he’s letting Hadley wheel him out. Gale changing his pants quickly before stepping out, watching as John gets dressed slowly. The older boy silently offering the blond a shirt, knowing he soaked his through.

“John, I’ve got your pain medicine here.” Nurse Hadley says softly as she comes over with the little medicine cup, John situated in his bed now. Pillows tucked around him to keep him comfortable, heating pad pressed into his middle spine. Gale tucking the comforter around his body, before he’s grabbing his water bottle. The thing covered in stickers courtesy of Janelle, John’s younger sister collecting them just to come and slap them on the metal bottle. Bucky accepts the medicine cup, tipping his head back and taking his water to wash them down.

“Gale…can you just, hold me for a little while tonight?” John murmurs once the blond has gotten into the bed again, blankets tucked around them both. Gale smiling a little and nodding his head, helping John shift around. Until Bucky is tucked into his side, his arm curled over Gale’s torso, head nestled into the crook of Gale’s neck and shoulder. While the blond gently rubs his back, fingers soft and sweet.

“I love you John.”

“I love you too Gale.”

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“Hi Brady…can I sit?” Benny asks smiling as he looks at the brunet boy, sitting on a bench in the court yard. The soft mid summer breeze blowing through his hair, the sun shining down and making him almost look angelic. Brady looks up and squints softly, seeing Benny standing there before he’s nodding his agreement. The tanned boy smiling as he sits down, keeping enough distance between them.

“No Meatball today?” Brady asks, voice soft with unsureness, trying not to fidget where he’s sitting. Benny is smiling softly when he sees that Brady’s rosary is laying across his thigh, not clasped in his hands today. He could pass for almost calm, if it wasn’t for his fingers tapping a rhythm against his thigh.

“Nah, it’s a little too hot out for him today. But I still wanted to come by…and see you.” Brady is silent for a few minutes, mulling words over in his head. His stomach feeling like it’s wrapped itself around a telephone pole, his palms breaking out in a sweat. The boy wanting to scrub his hands clean, he hated being sweaty. He hated the feel of it on his skin, he hated the feeling of it drying, he hated it all together.

“Benny…I, I really like you. I’ve liked you for a long time now, and I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never wanted to hold someone’s hand the way I want to hold yours. I’ve never wanted to see someone smile the way I want to see you smile. I’m, I’m scared Benny. But I don’t want to be scared anymore.” Brady blurts out suddenly, his eyes squeezing shut as he sits there. His heart in his throat, stomach dropping before he’s frantically grabbing for his beads. Fiddling with them as he tries to calm himself down, Benny giving him a minute. Trying to formulate his own words, a pleasant bubble of happiness blooming in his chest. A little grin tugging at the edges of his lips, before he sees the drop of Brady’s shoulders.

“I like you too Brady…I don’t want you to be scared either. We can take this at your pace, there’s no rush. I’d be happy to just sit next to you every day, but I’d be absolutely okay with holding your hand. What if we start out small? Maybe just locking pinkies for now?” Benny offers as he holds up his hand, flicking out his pinky as if he’s getting ready to make promises. Brady looks at him, the breath leaving his lungs in a slow puff. Before he’s nodding a little and raising his hand up, linking their pinkies together shyly. Eyes closing at the skin to skin contact, something he hasn’t allowed willingly for a very long time. Not seeing the smile that graces Benny’s features as he sees the way Brady’s shoulders slump into a calm posture.

————————

“Curt this is Buck, Buck this is Curt.” John introduces as all three of them sit in the rec area. Curt snorts softly as he looks at his best friend before he’s looking at Gale. The blond’s eyebrows scrunching together, wondering if Curt is judging him. Before the black haired boy is leaning over and shoving Bucky’s shoulder slightly.

“You named him Buck? Jesus Christ Bucky, you shoulda just tattooed your name on him if you were gonna mark your claim.” Curt says before he’s laughing and shaking his head slightly, smiling at the younger boy. Gale looking at his boyfriend just to see him smiling a little bit at his fingers. Curt wiping the tears off of his cheeks, hearty laughs finally subsiding. Before he’s looking at Gale again and grinning cheekily, shoving his hand out for a handshake.

“My name is actually Gale, but he wouldn’t accept that as an answer when we first met.” The youngest says as he shakes Curt’s hand, feeling the callouses on his fingers. Similar to the way John’s palms were bumped over from wheeling himself in his chair. Curt shoots him a smile before he’s looking at Bucky again, causing Gale to look over. Slightly shocked to see the heated flushed covering John’s cheeks up to the tips of his ears.

“Why am I not surprised? This bastard is territorial if you haven’t noticed by now. But it’s nice to meet you Gale, he hasn’t shut up about you whenever I come by. ‘Buck this’ and ‘Buck that’, it’s good to put a face to a name. Not that he hasn’t shown me pictures.” Curt goads while smirking at his best friend, John groaning quietly at the ribbing he’s receiving. Gale smiling a little as he looks at the older boy, watching the blush get darker on his skin. John bringing his palms up to rub across his face, a bashful expression on his features.

“Alright, alright stop it now. You’ve made a fool of me enough today. I’m going to regret introducing you both.” John groans loudly as he shakes his head, reaching for Gale’s hand to hold it in his own. John was tactile, he liked to be touched and to touch. Buck rubs his thumb across the older’s knuckles in a gentle swipe. Feeling the little squeeze he gets in return, smiling softly as he does.

“Yea…he is a bastard isn’t he?” Curt cracks up again, laughing loudly as he sits there. Shaking his head with a giant smile lighting up his entire face, eyes crinkling. Making Gale chuckle softly while John tips his head back, just glad that two of the most important people in his life are getting along.

————————

“Careful of the lip, Janelle make sure the chair doesn’t hit the door.” Janie says as she pushes John’s chair through the threshold of his and Curt’s new apartment. Both boys renting out a handicap accessible place, John unable to live by himself quite yet. Gale and him had briefly talked about moving in together, but had decided against it. Gale was still new in his own recovery, and taking care of John would be too much. Curt had happily offered to move in with John, it got him out of his Nan’s house, and he missed seeing John every day.

“If the wall gets scuffed it isn’t a problem, don’t worry about it girls.” Curt says from where he’s setting John’s bags down on the couch, smiling at his friend. Seeing the smile that John flashes back, the car ride over had been eventful. John hadn’t ridden in a car since he was transferred from the hospital to the rehab center. He was white knuckling the door the entire time, Janie’s little car was hard for him to get into. It had pinched his back a bit, making the muscles tense and strain. Janelle had been talking a mile a minute in the backseat, while Curt and Gale had followed in his car with John’s stuff.

“This place is so cute! Aww John your room has a really good view of the pond back here! I bet there will be ducks and swans too!” Janelle squeals happily, having stepped off to explore once they got John inside all of the way. Gale searching in the bags for John’s medicine, knowing without a doubt his boyfriend is in pain. Janie fussing over John’s curls, brushing them off his forehead. While Curt is bringing John’s stuff to his room, his special bed already having been delivered. Any speciality pillows he needed sitting on the king sized mattress.

“I’m so sorry we didn’t meet before Gale, our schedules just never seemed to align. But I’ve heard a lot about you, you’ve got my brother smitten.” The older girl says, smiling as she looks up from her brother. Her smile exactly like John’s making her pretty blue eyes crinkle up, her own curly hair pulled up into a claw clip. John makes a soft sound, scrunching his nose, while Gale smiles a little bit. Stepping over with John’s metal water bottle, and a pain pill in his palm.

“I’ve been told that a few times now…it’s really nice to meet you too Janie. John has told me a lot about you and Janelle. Here John…it’s one of the lower dose pills.” He murmurs as he holds out the white tablet, before he’s offering the bottle next. John accepting both, wincing as he shifts in his chair again. Janie frowning when she sees how much pain her brother is in, brushing his hair back again softly. Gale smiling a little when he sees how much John’s sister loves him, and how much he loves her in return. Already opening his mouth to insist that he’s fine, just stiff from PT, even though he hadn’t had PT that day.

“Speaking of PT, when do you go back? How many days a week?” Curt asks as he steps back into the room, looking at the other three. Janelle already in John’s room, unpacking his bags for him. Janie out at her car, getting her scissors and hair cutting tools, commenting that John’s hair was too long. It needed to be trimmed up, his face needing a good shave too and she was determined to do it for him.

“I go back on Monday, it’ll be three days a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.” John murmurs as he sits in his chair, slightly overwhelmed from everything that has happened in just the last few hours. Gale brushes his fingers over John’s neck, rubbing in a gentle motion. Smiling softly before he’s leaning in to press a kiss to John’s lips, bumping their noses together softly. John reaching for him to tug him close, Gale slipping into his lap, his arm curling around the older’s neck.

“Ugh stop it you two…you’re gonna make me hurl.” Curt groans as he comes to the living room carrying a drink for himself, Janelle giggling as she comes down the hallway. While Janie steps back into the apartment, carrying her hair cutting tools and a box. Smiling when she sees John and Gale sitting together, a blush rising on the blond’s cheeks before he’s shyly trying to get off of John’s lap. John letting out a little sound, lips pushing out in a pout at the loss of his boyfriend in his lap.

“C’mon…your sister wants to cut your unruly mop.” Gale murmurs as he kisses John’s forehead, before he’s wheeling him into the bathroom. Janie smiling as she follows behind, watching as John gently wraps his hand around Gale’s wrist. Bringing the blond boy’s hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles, breathing deeply as they stay together for a moment.

“I’m going to make sure Curt doesn’t order the entire menu at the pizza place. I’ll be just a call away though if you want me back in here.” Gale says after a quiet minute, kissing John’s forehead shyly. Slipping out around Janie, before she’s stepping in and smiling a little. Janelle sneaking into the room to sit on the closed toilet lid, bringing her knee up to rest her chin on. Staring at her brother’s profile, smiling when she wants him breathing evenly.

“When are you two getting married?” The youngest Egan asks with a smile on her lips, John makes a sound at that. Shaking his head a bit before Janie is keeping his head still, combing out his curls. Being mindful of any tangles or snarls he might have, smiling when she sees how relaxed he becomes. He always reminded her of a dog when he was little, a few scratches to his head and he was putty. Rolling over and showing his belly to whoever gave him the attention.

“We’ve only been together for a few months Janelle…I don’t think either of us are thinking of marriage yet.” John says as he feels Janie beginning to cut his hair. Hearing the little scoff his baby sister lets out, the flick placed to his arm making him huff. Janie making a sound to tell him to keep still, concentrating on just trimming. She wasn’t cutting his curls off, they had spent too much time getting them to look good. She had taught him too much to just lob them all off, and he had spent too much money on curl care products.

“The way you two look at each other is true love. And you can’t tell me I’m wrong, I just won’t listen to it.” Both of the older Egans chuckle at that, smiling a bit at their sister’s antics. Janie brushing the stray hairs away from his collar, tilting his head to work on the sides. Her eyes meeting John’s in the mirror, smiling at him softly. Leaning down to kiss the top of his head, going back to trimming the sides of his hair.

“I do love him, but I don’t think we’re ready for marriage quite yet Jelly Bean.” She huffs and waves her hand at him, making Janie chuckle quietly. Running her fingers through the younger boy’s hair, shaking the curls out. Gauging how much more she’s going to trim off, humming softly as she goes. Something both her and John do, hum to themselves whenever they’re trying to concentrate. It didn’t matter the tune, didn’t matter the song, it was just a constant stream of noise coming from them.

“What do you think of him Janie?” John murmurs once Janelle has wandered off to see what’s been ordered for dinner. The older girl shifts him around to get to the front of his head, trimming up the pieces that cover his forehead. Getting them all to fall into their rightful places, pushing them back and smiling at her brother.

“I think he’s incredibly sweet Johnny, I can see how much you both care for one another. I’m glad he’s been there for you when we couldn’t be. Has ma met him yet?” John lets out a soft breath, shaking his head a bit. Watching as Janie nods softly in understanding, snipping a few more pieces of hair. Changing out her scissors for some texturizing ones, not that the boy needed the volume. She leans down and kisses his forehead, something she hasn’t had to do since he was 10 and she was 15. He had shot up and towered over her, the boy always the one to lean down to give her kisses and hugs.

“I get it, I know mama misses you, but she’s a grown adult, she’s known where you’re at. It’s on her if she hasn’t come to see you…I’m not going to preach about them. You’re home, you’re safe, and I love you.” The black haired girl states as she looks down at him, seeing the little quirk of his lips. She smiles at him, before she’s tilting his head up to look at him better. Hugging around his neck, kissing his forehead and breathing deeply. John’s arms wrapping around her waist, both of them just enjoying this moment. Janie not taking for granted the feel of her little brother in her arms again.

She had been terrified when she got the call from their mom, had rushed down in the middle of the night. She had been one of the first in the room to see him, one of the first to touch him when he was in the coma. She had made the phone calls to people, she was the strong one. She was always the strong one when it came to her younger siblings, she was nick named Mother Hen for a reason. She took care of her babies, whether they were actually her’s or not.

“I love you too Janie.” John murmurs into her shirt, squeezing her tight to himself. Breathing in her soft familiar lotion, the feel of her hands on him comforting. More comforting than even their mother’s hands, she was always there for him. If he ever had an issue he knew he could go to Janie. She never pushed him away, she never judged him, she raised him more than his mother did. And he loved his mom, but nobody would ever take the place of Janie.

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John has been home for exactly a week when he has his first nightmare, he had worked hard that day. PT was grueling, a migraine had taken place behind his eye, and his spine felt brittle. Resigning himself to bed early had been a no brainer for him, texting Gale to let him know. He was passed out before he even got a chance to see if Gale had responded.

John is back in the jeep with Ham behind the wheel, loud music is blasting from the speakers. Curt is in the backseat singing the music loudly, all three of them are laughing. All three of them had partaken in drinking at the frat party they had gone to. John is looking over and suddenly he’s seeing the curve coming into view, and he’s reaching for the wheel. Everything is in slow motion, it’s all happening and there’s no way for him to stop it. Glass is shattering, cutting his cheeks, the sound of it ear piercing. The sound being his own screams, mixed with Curt’s before he’s being propelled from the seat. Belt failing and snapping, going through the windshield and slamming into the ground. White hot burning pain taking over, agony ripping down his body.

John is bolting up, screams flowing from his mouth, his blankets tangling him up. Suffocating him, trapping him in place, and he’s shoving everything away. Trying to get out of bed, trying to get away from the things pinning him down. Knocking into his night stand, before he’s tumbling out of bed, the lamp on his table following him in his descent to the floor. The glass bulb shattering and spewing everywhere, a few pieces knicking his cheek. All while he’s fighting the sheets and still screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Ham! Stop the car! Stop! Please stop!” He’s shrieking, trying to kick his legs but unable to, stuck laying in a sprawl on the wood floor of his bedroom. Upper body on the ground while his lower half is caught in the sheets, causing him to almost dangle. Hot tears are rolling thickly down his cheeks, he doesn’t hear the door opening. Or Curt’s voice trying to soothe him, but he does feel hands touching him. Making him wail louder, pushing and fighting against it, not wanting it to drag him under. Under to the dark place that almost took him all those months ago.

“Bucky! Bucky it’s me! It’s Curt, I’m here. You’re alright, John it’s a nightmare!” Curt is trying to say, receiving a few hits to his chest and arms. Trying hard to not restrain his best friend, but not wanting him to roll right into the broken glass. He isn’t even blinking before he’s grabbing John’s phone, typing in the passcode and hitting the familiar contact. Trying desperately to get John to stop howling, his voice having gone hoarse from the sound. Curt’s trying to get his lower half untangled from the sheets and blankets. Terrified John is going to hurt himself, the twisting and thrashing he’s doing making it worse.

“Hi honey, I thought you were…John?! What’s happening?!” Gale’s sleep filled voice is entering Curt’s ear, his own voice coated with tears. Throat feeling tight as he sits there, he knew exactly what John was feeling. He had nightmares like his for weeks after the accident, screaming himself awake. His Nan had almost had a heart attack the first time, and that was why he had moved himself into her basement.

“Gale, I can’t, John’s having a nightmare. I can’t get him to wake up. I don’t know what to do, please…I’m so sorry.” Curt can hear Gale moving on the other side, getting himself dressed and calling for Marge. Promising he’ll be there soon, the sound of John’s warbles heart breaking in the background. While Curt kneels there as if he’s going to pray, tears beginning to drip down his own face. Trying to make sure John doesn’t roll into the broken glass, trying to talk to him.

“We’re here, let us in. I’m here.” Gale pants almost 15 minutes later, John’s cries having quieted down to high pitched whimpers. Face smooshed into the cold wood of his bedroom floor, shakes racking up his body. Curt not daring to touch him, scared to leave him alone. But getting up and running for the front door, unlocking it and stepping off to the side. Gale and Marge both standing there, in their pajamas, hair sleep mussed. Mirrored worried expressions on their faces before Gale is rushing forward for his boyfriend. Marge takes one look at Curt, stepping inside and closing the door before she’s wrapping him into a hug.

“John…sweetheart, you’re home. It’s me, it’s Gale. I need you to wake up.” The blond says in his calmest voice, stepping in and seeing the mess next to the bed. Treading carefully before he’s kneeling by the bigger boy, brushing his hand over his head. Getting a broken, hoarse sob to come from John’s mouth.

Tears from his eyes having mixed with the blood from the few knicks in his cheeks. Gale’s heart breaking slightly as he looks down at him, hearing footsteps stop outside of the room. John openly bawling into the wooden floor boards, his arms curled under his body as if he’s protecting himself. If he could curl into a ball he would, Curt having finally gotten his legs untangled from the sheets.

“Can you get a broom and dustpan? I’m going to need help getting him up into the bed, I just want him to come back a little more.” The blond says, turning his head to see Marge and Curt standing side by side. Curt’s face dry now, a hug having been had between the pair of them.

Marge nodding softly and going to find the broom, while Curt goes to grab the first aid kit they have. Along with some of John’s meds, knowing he is no doubt going to be hurting. Gale continues murmuring to John, keeping his touch light. Before Curt and Gale are lifting him, Curt’s arms hooking under his armpits, while Gale gets him under the legs. Marge standing by worriedly, ready to help if they need it, pulling and adjusting the blankets and sheets.

“Hi sweetheart.” Gale murmurs when he sees John’s eyes opening slowly, brushing his hair back off of his forehead gently. The broken bulb having been swept away, a new one popped into the lamp. Gale gently cleaning the few cuts on John’s cheeks, the tv in the room playing soft music on YouTube. John blinks a few times, trying to clear his vision to look at his boyfriend better. A soft whimper escaping his mouth; before he’s closing his eyes at the onslaught of tears.

“I know; you’re safe, nothing can happen here. I’ve got you.” The blond promises as he kisses John’s forehead softly, continuing to gently clean the spots. Swiping neosporin across them, before he’s grabbing John’s water and medicine cup. Curt peeking into the room, the blond nodding softly at him. John swallowing his medicine down before he’s opening his eyes up to see Curt.

“Is it alright if I lay in here tonight?” Curt whispers, watching as John nods his head. The three of them laying in the large bed together, Marge having gone home once she knew John was in bed. Gale apologizing but thanking her once again, while she made him promise to text her in the morning. Curt’s body curls around John’s slightly, tucking close just to feel his best friend breathing. Gale laying in a way that John can press against his side, the three of them quiet. John already half asleep, exhausted from everything. While Curt lays there wide eyed, staring straight ahead at the wall.

“He’ll be okay…it just takes time. But he’ll be okay.” Curt says quietly almost like he’s talking to himself, the lights now out, the screen from John’s tv illuminating the space. A nature scene with calming piano music playing, something that always helped Gale calm down. He didn’t think John would want to wake up to a silent room, he never did when he had nightmares.

“Yea, he’ll be okay. He’s got a good support system. I mean, he’s got us.” Gale responds softly, looking at Curt to see him nodding in agreement. His nose tucked into the nape of John’s curls, arm around the taller boy’s waist to keep him close. Gale realizing this is just as much for Curt as it is for John right now. Curt needing to know his best friend is breathing and still alive. Gale lays there with them, quiet as he watches them both sleep now. Letting himself relax with a hand on the back of Curt’s head, all three of them falling asleep piled in John’s bed.

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“You’re comfortable?” Gale asks as he looks at John, both of them in John’s large bed. The mattress holding just enough squish for the taller boy’s broken body to not be as sore. His multitude of pillows stacked on the ground, one of his soft wedge pillows next to him. The red cover on it velvety feeling, he had ordered it on Amazon. Specifically labeled as an ‘assistive device for sexual intercourse’. Smiling a little as he looks at the blond, seeing the way he’s staring back at him. Cornflower blue eyes intense, but tinged with need, both of them were needy.

They had the apartment to themselves, Curt was gone at Ken’s for the entire weekend. They had been talking about this for awhile now, but between John’s schedule and Gale’s, they couldn’t nail down a time. Not for something like this, not for Gale to actually be inside of John. The blond wanted to take his time, wanted John to feel good the entire time. It was going to take maneuvering, pillows, patience, and time.

“I’m comfortable Gale…will you let me suck your cock now? Been thinking about it for ages, you have such a pretty cock. It’s truly a shame it’s not in my mouth every single day.” Bucky states making the younger boy let out a squawk at that, shaking his head a bit and laughing softly. One of his large hands coming up to rest on John’s chest, before he’s looking back down at the other boy. Seeing the dopey little smile forming on his face, before Gale is nodding a bit.

“How far are we going tonight? I’d really like to make you feel good too…maybe get my fingers in you? I’ve been doing some researching and stuff.” Buck trails off slightly as he feels John’s giant hand coming down to squeeze his bare thigh. Both of them were stripped down to their boxers, and Gale could feel how hard he was. Tip leaking against his skin where it was trapped against his hip, no doubt soaking through his underwear. Feeling John’s large thumb brushing across his inner thigh has him shivering, goosebumps forming.

“I’ve never, I’ve never bottomed before. But I want to try with you, just don’t know how much I’ll be able to move for you. Or we could get out the vibrator again, that was fun last time.” Bucky says as he lays there, he wasn’t usually nervous or awkward when it came to sex. He never had to be, he was always confident in what he wanted. He was confident in how to make someone else feel good, but this was different. Him and Gale had done quite a few things, the most memorable being watching Gale ride a dildo.

That one still got him hot under the collar, holding the toy for his boyfriend to ride while also being sucked off. Watching the blond move his hips was tantalizing, hypnotizing almost. The moans that he was letting out around John’s cock were enough to convince the older that bottoming was worth it. The entire experience was definitely in his top five sexual experiences ever to date.

“Was reading that prostate stimulation can help with erectile dysfunction, since it wasn’t your prostate that was affected or injured. Might help you get hard, and if it doesn’t…then you can just enjoy the sensation. But if you don’t feel comfortable with that then we don’t have to do that.” The black haired boy looks up at his boyfriend, John smiling lopsidedly at him before he’s tugging him down for a kiss. He can taste the mint chapstick that Gale uses, pressing his tongue into the other’s mouth briefly. Squeezing at the blond’s thigh again, feeling the wiry hair resting there. Hearing the moan that comes up from Buck’s throat, his hand slowly moves over to cup the other boy through his briefs.

“I still want your cock in my mouth, so if we can make that work then I’m down for anything.” Bucky states once their mouths have separated, Gale letting out a soft breathless laugh. Shaking his head just a little before he’s shifting off of the bed to go to his overnight bag. His cheeks blushing a crimson color as he goes to the bottom of it, pulling out his small travel bag. John’s eyes tracking his movements, shifting in the bed just slightly. Using his arms to slide himself to the middle of the bed better, watching as Gale turns back around.

“Traveling with sex toys now baby?” Bucky taunts watching as Gale’s cheeks burn a deeper shade of red. The blond climbing up onto the bed and crawling his way over, briefs almost tenting from how hard he is. While he climbs over John’s thighs and situates himself down comfortably. Holding up his hands to show off his treasures, the older boy looking down. A bottle of lube, a silicone sleeve, and a small wand vibrator all sitting there.

“What’s the uh, what’s the sleeve for?” He asks nodding at it, feeling his insides curling with a mixture of arousal and nervousness. Gale had more experience with toys than he did, the blond seeming to have a toy for just about anything they could think of. John had dabbled with vibrators before, but mainly on female partners. He hadn’t really used one on himself until he had gotten into bed with Gale that is.

“This, goes in this, and then slides up and sits around you. Figured it might feel nice, I know I like it when I’m bottoming sometimes. I also…wanted to get a mirror so you could watch. That one over there…thought we could pull it over.” John’s eyes trail over to the full length mirror resting against his closet door. Jaw dropping a bit to bring his pupils back over to Gale, seeing the flush on his cheeks. The aroused excitement unable to be contained in his blown eyes, his cock aching in his briefs. John’s large hands coming up to squeeze Gale’s hips, thumbs digging into his hipbones slightly.

“Do you think about it a lot? Fucking me?” John questions, feeling the full body shiver course up Gale’s spine. His head tipping back, showing off the long line of his throat. Hips rocking forward like he can’t help it, pushing himself against John’s lower chest slightly. Bucky can feel himself twitch just a little in his briefs, his hand coming down to grip around Gale’s cock through his underwear.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about it. I love watching your face when you cum…fuck John. I love making you feel good, want you to see how fucking good you look too. Wanna watch your face when I’m inside of you.” The blond rambles as he grinds against John’s palm, moaning as the older rubs his tip through the fabric. Bucky letting out a low groan as he looks up at the blond boy, arousal pooling lowly in his pelvis. Before he’s pushing Gale’s briefs down, tucking them under his pretty pink balls. Giving them a little squeeze, looking down to watch the way precum beads at the blond’s tip.

“Do you wanna fuck my face first? Take the edge off? Look like you’re gonna blow everywhere baby.” John says in a little breathless tease, moving his fist on the younger boy. Squeezing when he gets to the tip, Gale moaning lowly at the offer. Hips chasing the feel of Bucky’s closed fist, hands gripping John’s freckled shoulders tightly. Toys completely forgotten next to them, John groaning softly as he watches the younger boy.

“Take what you need baby…that’s it, fuck look at you. You’re desperate for it aren’t you? Love watching you make a mess of yourself…love tasting you.” John rambles as he squeezes around Gale tighter, bringing his other hand down to grope and tug at Gale’s balls. The blond sobbing quietly at the sensations, hips pushing quicker now. Precum dripping down from him onto John’s briefs, his hips stuttering slightly in their rocks. Blunt nails digging into Bucky’s bare shoulder, before he’s tensing and beginning to spurt across John’s stomach.

“Oh fuck, fuck John, oh god.” He whimpers out, toes curling behind himself so hard he almost pulls a muscle. Shuddering through his release, knocking the bigger man back into the pillows. Just to press close and kiss him, panting still but needing to feel the other’s mouth against his own. Gale pulling away after a minute, resting his sweaty forehead on John’s. Breathing deeply and looking down at him with a sheepish smile on his face.

“So…fucking me really gets you going yea?”

John asks with a little smile, looking up at the blond, seeing the way he blushes a deeper shade of red. His body shifting a bit so he can shove his face into John’s throat. Stomachs and pelvises pressing together, smearing Gale’s cum across both of their skin. The dark smattering of hair under Bucky’s belly button becoming sticky with it.

“Is now a bad time for me to tell you that I’ve never topped anyone before? It’s not gonna ruin the mood is it?” Gale asks once he’s pulled away from John’s collar bone, a dark hickey sitting there now. The older boy gently tilts Gale’s face up, before he’s leaning in and kissing him. Large palm cupping his cheek, brushing his thumb across the constellation of freckles the boy has under his eye.

“No, it doesn’t ruin the mood, it takes some pressure off honestly. We get to share a first together…and that’s, it’s kinda special yea?” John murmurs almost shyly as he looks at his boyfriend, smiling a bit as he sees Gale smiling. The blond feeling fondness welling in his chest at the absolute hopeless romantic his boy is. Both of them leaning in for another kiss, slower this time, with deeper meaning. Before Gale is pulling away, grabbing the wedge pillow and holding it up.

“Can I lay on my stomach? Or will that make it harder for you?” John asks as he looks at the younger boy, lifting his upper body up, watching as the blond holds the wedge pillow. The blond boy gets off of the bed for a second, pulling the mirror over so that they can both turn their heads to look. Stepping back over when he’s pleased with where it’s sitting, picking up the red pillow again.

“I don’t think it’ll make it harder, might make it easier actually. But is it going to hurt you? Wanna try it and make sure it won’t put pressure on your back?” Bucky nods his head, before he’s shifting around, Gale holding the pillow so it sits at John’s lower stomach. The taller shimmying his body, with the blond helping adjust his legs comfortably. The velvet on the pillow rubbing below John’s belly button, his butt and hips propped up. He adjusts his upper body slightly with his arms, while Gale tries not to hover.

“Can you…can you help me move my legs how you need them?” John questions, chewing on his lower lip, suddenly worried he looks absolutely ridiculous. Flicking his eyes back when he doesn’t get a response from his boyfriend, seeing the way Gale’s eyes are sweeping over his body. His cock already half hard again against his hip, before he’s snapping out of his revere.

“I’m gonna touch you now, let me know if it’s uncomfortable.” The blond says before he’s helping move the older’s legs, getting them into a sort of frog position. Reaching up to carefully adjust John’s length, not wanting it to get squished between the cushion and his body weight. Gale leans down and kisses the small of Bucky’s back, hands rubbing and squeezing up his thick thighs. Feeling the curly hair sitting there, dragging his thumbs over muscle and skin. Goosebumps rising on John’s skin, a shiver going up his spine, while he feels his arousal reignite. Resting his upper body on one of his personal pillows, taking the pressure off of his thoracic spine.

“You look so pretty spread out like this for me…so fucking pretty John.” Gale murmurs as he nips at his butt, before he’s sitting up on his knees between John’s legs. His eyes dragging over his back, following the lines of his surgical scars. Pressed into the trench of his spine, freckles, a few moles, and stretch marks covering his skin as well. The blond’s nimble fingers dragging up his sides, squeezing softly when he meets the bottom of his ribcage.

“Fuck baby…feels good.” John sighs as he shifts into the touch, eyes closed as he relaxes even more. Becoming a puddle on the bed, feeling his cock give a little twitch, he liked when Gale gave him massages. The blond always knew where to touch, how hard to push down, he seemed to know John’s body better than he knew it himself. His eyes open when he feels Gale’s lips moving down his spine again, his hands sliding down to grip John’s butt cheeks. Squeezing gently and rubbing his thumbs in, spreading him softly as the blond keeps moving down.

“Jesus Christ.” John whispers as he feels Gale lick across his hole, the muscle fluttering slightly. Turning his head a bit to look at Gale’s body as much as he can in this position. Before he’s turning his head the other way, watching the mirror. Eyes trained on the curve of Gale’s body, his hands keeping John’s cheeks separated. Large hands wrapped around his skin, before Gale is lifting his head up. Humming softly against John’s cheek, nipping at it and turning his head.

He watches as Gale looks up his back before he flattens his tongue, swiping it across his hole again. Before the blond is pressing closer to push his tongue inside of John, the little gasp coming from the older making him smile. Humming against John again as he pushes his tongue in an even motion, letting some spit slip down. Dripping in an even line to Bucky’s balls, one of Gale’s thumbs coming to rub it in. Dragging the spit back up and sliding the pad of his thumb across the older’s entrance again, watching it clench.

“Talk to me?” Gale murmurs as he reaches for the lube, pulling the bottle down while he sits up on his knees. Looking at John again in the mirror, meeting his gaze and smiling a little bit. The older’s cheeks are a dark pink color, eyes wide with a mixture of arousal and shock. Jaw dropped open, with his plush bottom lip spit slick. He watches as John blinks slightly, focusing his eyes to meet Gale’s gaze, breathing deeply before letting loose a whimper.

“Didn’t think I’d like something like that…but fuck it felt good. You always say it does feel good, but I thought you were just bullshitting me, trying to make me feel good. Jesus Gale.” John breathes out the ending as he feels one of Gale’s nimble lube slick fingers circling his hole. Watching the motion in the mirror as much as he can, the blond smiling a bit. The younger leans down and presses a kiss to John’s freckled shoulders. Pressing his middle finger forward, both of them groaning as he sinks inside of the older boy. John’s half hard cock giving a twitch against the pillow, a lazy bead of precum oozing at the tip.

“You’re so tight sweetheart…gonna feel so good wrapped around me.” Gale states before he’s leaning up to kiss the other boy, sucking at his lower lip and moving his finger in an even motion. John’s walls squeezing and tensing every now and then, trying to get used to the sensation. He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like, he didn’t have anything to compare it to from before the accident. A gasp getting lodged in his throat when the tip of Gale’s finger drags across a sensitive bulge on the inside.

“Found it.” The blond murmurs from where he’s been pressing kisses into John’s shoulders, his cock rubbing against the other’s butt cheek in even little pulses. Precum smearing across John’s pale skin, leaving sticky streaks in its wake. John moans again when he feels the touch to his prostate, a protesting sound coming out of his mouth when he feels Gale pull his finger free. Before there’s two pressing into him, the pressure from the stretch making his nose scrunch. A whining noise leaving him when Gale rubs over his sweet spot again, eyes squeezed shut at the sensation.

“Oh fuck Gale…fuck that feels so good. Don’t stop, please please for the love of Christ don’t stop.” John whimpers as the ball in his pelvis gets tighter, his fingers gripping the pillow under his upper body harder. Muscles bunching together slightly, moaning again as Gale drives his fingers in. The blond smiling softly as he keeps going, even as his cock leaks in steady drips. The sounds John is making has his head spinning, knowing he’s making his boy feel good. It’s a head rush that he wasn’t expecting, feeling the way John’s walls are squeezing tighter.

“I’m, Gale, I’m gonna…oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” John squeaks out suddenly, Gale sitting up slightly to watch. The older’s hole clamping down around his fingers, his cock giving a twitch before he’s dribbling cum down the pillow. A sobbing sound coming from John’s throat, tears welling in his eyes as he lays there. Gale’s fingers stilling inside of him, pulsing gently against his prostate. Dragging out the older’s orgasm for him, before he’s easing off and slipping his fingers out.

“Fuck John…that was, holy fuck.” Gale groans as he wraps a hand around himself, squeezing at the base tightly. Looking up to meet John’s half lidded gaze, a few tears having tracked down his cheeks. John was a crier when he orgasmed, Gale had figured that out quickly, the pleasure was so intense for him that he cried. And as much as Gale wanted to hate it, it definitely made something in his blood sing. John reaches back with a lead heavy arm, trying to grab onto Gale’s hand.

“C’mon…want you inside of me. Please, can see you’re hurting.” Gale leans up slightly to look down at him better, letting out a grunt when John gets his hand wrapped around his cock. Hips jerking forward on instinct with the pleasure, eyes squeezing shut to collect his bearings.

“I don’t want it to be too much for you, you just came. I can use my hand or.”

“Gale Winston…get your cock inside of me. I want you to use that wand thing, I want it all.” John interrupts as he tries to look back at the younger boy, finally getting Gale’s cock slotted between his cheeks. The blond’s hips moving just a little, holding himself up with a hand digging into the pillow John’s upper body is laying on. His knees tucked close to the wedge pillow as he moans lowly, his other hand going down to grab at John’s hip.

“Yea…yea honey, I’ll give you anything you want.” Gale mutters out nodding quickly, having to shift and pull away from him. Cock aching between his legs, dribbling another string of precum. Connecting the tip of his cock to John’s ass for a minute before it breaks. Reaching for the lube again and the vibrating wand, the cock sleeve attached to it already. Squeezing just a bit on his fingers he wraps his hand around John’s soft cock, listening to him hiss softly. Flicking his eyes up to look at him, he sees that John is looking back at the mirror.

“Wish I could see it better…but this is still good. I get to see you.” John murmurs, eyes trained on the way Gale’s body is moving. Pupils tracing over the lines and curves, drawn in on Gale’s butt and thighs. Before he’s moaning at the feeling of the sleeve sliding into place, the blond making sure it’s sitting properly. He meets John’s eyes in the mirror, flicking the little dial on the toy and listening to the moan he lets out. Gale tucks the wand’s handle under John’s thigh, making sure it won’t move at all. While John’s fingers are gripping the pillow tighter under his head as he feels the vibrations into his balls, eyes fluttering shut.

“Do you want me to use a condom? I brought some, just in case.” Gale offers as he sits up on his knees more, squeezing around himself again and moaning lowly. Watching the way John’s eyes flutter open to stare at Gale through the mirror. Shaking his head a bit at the question, swallowing thickly while he lays there. Moaning lowly at the sensation curling up his stomach from the vibrator.

“No, I want to feel you…if you’re alright with that.” Gale leans up to plant a kiss to his cheek, reaching for the lube to coat himself with it. Before he’s shifting his hips enough to lodge his tip against John’s hole, both of them holding their breaths. Gale’s hips push forward slowly, sinking into John in a paced glide. His jaw dropping open at the tight, hot squeeze, while John watches his expression. The pressure making his heart stutter, but Gale’s facial expressions causing pleasure to zing down his pelvis.

“Oh fuck John, you’re so tight.” Gale whimpers out once he’s halfway, worried momentarily that he’s going to blow. Letting out a little wounded sound as John clenches on him involuntarily, his hand going to grip the older’s hip. Balancing himself to look down and watch, thumbing around where John is spread around him. The black haired boy moaning quietly as he watches the muscles flex in the side view of Gale’s body. His glutes shifting, thigh muscle bunching, bicep bulging out a little.

“You look so good Gale…Jesus Christ.” John murmurs, watching the way Gale’s head tips back once he’s bottomed out. One hand desperately grasping at John’s ass cheek, the other gripping the edge of the wedge pillow. His eyes following the movement as Gale moves inside of him, feeling the drag. The vibrations around his cock causing pleasure to roll over his system, a slow rise. Before his upper body is almost shooting off the bed when Gale nails his prostate head on.

“Oh fucking Christ Gale! Jesus fuck!” John sobs out at the intense pleasure zinging through him, Gale huffing a soft breathless laugh. Angling his hips properly now to slam into it, holding on by a thread. Blunt nails digging into John’s waist, groaning long in his throat at the tight heat. Turning his head to meet John’s gaze in the mirror, watching as his eyes flutter for a minute. His jaw dropped down, little puddle of drool slipping from his mouth onto the pillow under his head. White knuckling the fabric as he lets out consistent grunts with each press to his sweet spot.

“I’m gonna cum sweetheart…oh fuck, it feels so good. Are you gonna cum with me?” Gale pants out as he snaps his hips quicker, chasing the pleasure coiling around his groin. The sound of his pelvic bone smacking into John’s ass loud between them both. The wet squelch of the lube making them both whine, one of Gale’s hands coming up to grab at John’s bicep. Finger tips digging in tightly, before he’s slamming home again and reaching his orgasm. A high pitched whine leaving his throat, body shuddering through his high.

“Oh fuck…fuck Gale, it’s oh fuck.” John wheezes as the blond’s blunt tip snugs up against his prostate. The twitches from Gale’s cock pulsing against his insides, making him bury his face in the pillow. The pleasure red hot, almost too much before he’s cumming again. Dribbling down the pillow case under him, sobbing openly into the fabric under his face.

Tears rolling down his cheeks as he spasms under Gale’s body weight. The blond presses shaky kisses to John’s damp with sweat shoulders, both of them panting softly. Gale carefully pulls his hips back, reaching down to turn the wand off. Before he’s collapsing next to John, the boy turning his face to look at Gale again.

“Holy fucking shit Gale.” The younger laughs softly and looks at his boyfriend, admiring the pink flush to his cheeks. Making his freckles more prominent as he lays there, curls floppy on his forehead. Blinking his eyes few times, contacts that he was still getting used to having gone a little dry. Gale shifts his body over to press his mouth against Bucky’s, nuzzling close for a second. Before he’s dropping back onto the bed, needing just a minute before he cleans them both up.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Gale…you and your magic dick.” The blond snorts quietly, shaking his head while he lays there. The little post orgasmic quivers settling in his limp limbs. Breathing coming back down to a controlled level, his eyes watching John now. His chest rising and falling evenly, the little shakes that were racking his system slowing down. A dopey little smile forming on his plush lips, cracking his eyes open to look at Gale again. Their hands intertwining as they lay there, enjoying their little blissful moment together.

————————

“Pizza is here!” Curt calls as he and Ken come into the apartment, smiling when he hears John and Gale talking in the kitchen. They were all having a movie night together, the newest action movie having dropped. John had been begging to see it, but the thought of going to the theater was too much. So a pizza, movie, and soda night was to be had, in the safety of their own home.

“We’ve got the sodas!” John yells back, wheeling into the living room with two two-liters in his lap. Gale walking behind him with plates and cups, both of them dressed down. Curt eyeing them up, a smirk forming on his lips when he sees the hickey peeking out of Gale’s shirt collar. Their hair is mussed, and John’s cheeks are still tinted a light shade of pink.

“Ya fuckin dirty birds, did ya at least both cum?” Curt taunts making Gale squawk, Ken squeaking a bit at his boyfriend’s nonchalance. He never understood how easily Curt could just talk about sex, it was never taboo for him. John chokes on his spit, laughing softly and shaking his head. Pushing his glasses up his nose before he’s glaring playfully at his best friend.

“We did, on your bed, it was super comfortable.” Curt makes a loud sound before he’s going to pull John under his arm, rubbing his knuckles into the taller boy’s hair. Messing up his hair even more while John tries to push him away. Gale trying to remind them to not pull John from his chair while Ken just tries to stay out of the way. The curly headed blond boy turning his head at the knock to the apartment door.

“I’ll get it…ya goddamn hooligans.” He teases while smiling at the pair, stepping around the couch. Heading for the door, undoing the deadbolt, and turning the knob to pull it open. The smile slipping from his face when he sees an unknown man standing on the other side. Two large Manila envelopes in his hands, one labeled ‘Curtis Johnathan Biddick’ and the other ‘John Clarance Egan’.

“Are Curtis Biddick and John Egan here?” The man asks, getting said boy’s to turn their heads, smiles falling from their faces. Curt heading for the door to his boyfriend, while John watches them both. Gale stepping closer to rest his hand between John’s heaving shoulders. Curling his fingers into the older’s shirt, a knot forming in his lower stomach.

“Yea…that’s us. Who are you?”

“You’ve been served, thank you.” The man states handing over the envelopes, turning on his heel to head down the steps leading up to their apartment. Curt watching him go before he’s shutting the door and turning to face the others. All of them silent as they stare wide eyed at the envelopes in Curt’s hands.

#softmamawrites #john bucky egan #gale buck cleven #buck x bucky #clegan #brenny #clegan smut #john egan x gale cleven #benny demarco x john brady #benny demarco #john brady #Curt Biddick #ken lemmons #Marge Spencer #curt x ken #love within these halls #rehab au

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