#can you tell I want to write fanfic but can’t write transitions

[warehouse-in-la-cienaga]

Honestly, I love the scenes of the Bad Kids we get where they’re all being incredibly competent, like the scene in the temple, or in Freshamn year when they uncover Kalvaxus plans with the crowns, bank, ect. But I’d love to imagine that that carries over into normal, every day actions too.

The Bad Kids are staying over at the Manor and Sarah Lynn comes down to all six of them preparing breakfast like it’s a military operation because they woke up late and need to be at school on time.

The Thistlesprings ask for their help decorating the glade for another festival and it’s completed a day early because no one wants to disappoint them (and someone gave both Riz and Adaine clipboards and pens).

Hallarial comes back from a weekend away to see the entire house has been baby proofed and the nursery is complete. Fabian declares his nemesis would need to be kept decently safe until the day they fight, and that a good nursery would keep the baby from crying all the time. There is a pirate ship on the wall.

The Leviathan Library gets attacked, and a large number of the books are out of order. Ayda and Aelwyn mention it in passing, and the Bad Kids make a bed fort in the central area and spend an evening reshelving the entire library, including a pully system and a message group of Kristin repeating the dewey-decimal system over and over again, since she’s not allowed on the ladder to the higher shelves.

[cinderfeather]

Short Story Writing Tips for Fanfic Authors

While Edgar Allen Poe has many pretentious things to say on the merits of the Short Story (‘a work of art should be able to achieve its effect in one sitting’), I want to talk about them from a fanfiction perspective.

As fic writers, we are doing this hobby for fun, and frequently find ourselves hopping between shiny new idea, to shiny new idea, to shiny new idea…

...which is totally fine. However: to reduce this, I want to impress this upon you:

Keep your fic short enough to write within the span of dopamine it generates.

So while it’s still easy to generate long plots, I usually like to keep my stories small and focused wherever possible, so I can feel proud about ✨finishing✨ it and then have more energy to work on the next idea. In addition, if I have an idea tha t I think is cool, but not something I can fathom spending an entire year writing a novel-length-fic about, I can still write the idea if I think carefully about how I can work it into a short story.

Often writers way things like: 'I have 30k words to write just to get to the fun bit 😭😭😭'

Just write the fun bit.

It might be one thing for me to say that, but learning a bit of craft about short stories can make this easier.

So: one of the hardest things in a story is the ending, and short stories (especially origific) can be very challenging to create a satisfying ending with so little to work with.

In short story craft, there is a lot of talk about things like Hemingway’s ‘Iceberg Theory’:

Hemingway said that only the tip of the iceberg showed in fiction—your reader will see only what is above the water—but the knowledge that you have about your character that never makes it into the story acts as the bulk of the iceberg. And that is what gives your story weight and gravitas. — Jenna Blum in The Author at Work, 2013 (Wikipedia Link)

Fanfic is great for this! You already have a ton of character and plot fleshed out, so you can already have your iceberg while putting very little effort in. Short stories are already much easier as fic because they already have the 'iceberg of canon' beneath them, so make the most of it!

The next trick is ✨Authors Notes✨!

You can just say the background info plainly to the reader, without having to worry about crafting it nicely for the reader.

However, if you feel that the background info might be served best by putting it into the story, then let me introduce you to the next trick: Telling!

Think about summary the you have in your AN, and expand it into slightly longer ‘pretty’ prose:

Months went by. Trees bloomed, and forsook their leaves. One day, Mina stepped outside again.

That covers a year of a character being stuck in their grief, without having to mire reader in being stuck like that too.

We’ve all had ‘Show, don’t tell’ beaten into us with a hammer. But if it’s not important or interesting for you or your story, then just Tell it, and move on to the next exciting thing! What you want to do is research ways to use prose to convey the passing of time, write summaries and transition sequences, and work out ways to cut down and remove ‘all that writing you have to do to get to the fun scene’.

So, let’s say you had an idea for an achingly beautiful Suparbat story that worked like a Shakespearean tragedy inspired by Othello. You start brainstorming and writing fragments of all these scenes where they meet, fall in love, then have all these gradual misunderstandings caused by Lex trying to meddle and break them apart.

They pile up super high, and then there is this devastating, heart-pounding finale where they fight, along with the tragic ending and denouement.

You take your notes and start trying to plan out what scenes you will need, and your face goes pale as you estimate the story will probably be about 80k words.

You can’t commit to that, and you sense another shiny idea might be lurking on the horizon soon (and besides, you have other fics to finish). You consider abandoning it, resigned to the beauty of the story haunting you forever.

Hold up.

The tragic fight scene. That’s the one that excites you the most. Start writing that.

Bam, bam bam.

Why are they fighting? The audience is now curious and hooked, sitting breathless on the edge of their seat.

Line of dialogue! Ultra specific accusation!

Now the reader is intellectually hooked. What event is this specific detail referring to?

Flashback to one of the scenes where they met and were tenderly in love, linked by the line of dialogue before.

Now the reader is emotionally hooked. What happened to make them hate each other so?

The fight scene continues! Dramatic moments of action interspersed with flashbacks of those snippets you wrote—

Now the reader has been enthralled by all this awesome action, and has a good grasp of emotional arc and events that brought them to this point, with the juxtaposition of the moments of love and hate creating a tremendous experience.

The fatal wound, juxtaposed by the fatal misunderstanding that set Batman on this path… Those painful words exchanged in the present, that have been stuck in your head for weeks: Why? I loved you! Lex (aka Iago) comes out, doing a slow clap, and revealing how he plotted and schemed to sow this discord between Batman and Superman, to make Batman kill Superman for him. The achingly haunting moment of looking into each others eyes and Superman forgiving and trying to absolve Batman of his guilt before he dies. Bruce swiftly disabling Lex’s failsafe (to stop him from taking revenge, but its useless because he’s Batman) and holding a batarang to Lex’s throat.

Now you’ve used 80% of your notes, and you have a decent first draft already!

So now, what will Batman do? Break his moral code about killing again (he already did with Superman) and kill Lex? Try to set Lex on a path of rehabilitation?

So then you get stuck. But Cinder, this doesn’t work for me! All I can think of is to end it the same way as Othello! Which I can’t bear to write.

Hold up.

Go back over your story and start tightening it up. The idea that Bruce is willing to kill someone is quite important. Go back and add flashbacks (or add context to the existing flashbacks) about Bruce developing, sticking to or explaining his no-kill rule.

Then you write an epilogue, where a reformed Lex starts making all kinds of structural changes in the world, alongside all the people who stepped up after being inspired by Superman’s life and determination to let everyone have a chance at forgiveness. After this, you realise that the last line Superman needs to say is to beg Bruce not to continue his murder-rampage and kill Lex.

Then you go back over your story again, fleshing out Lex’s character and some of the hints and lines of dialogue he drops to round out his arc as well. The story feels nice, but still a little off. The ending of Othello haunts you. Do you need to kill Batman after all?

You try writing the scene with the climax ending on: ‘Now, the only way: the Bat will die upon the light.’

Then, as you edit the last bit of the epilogue, you add at the end that Bruce is still alive, observing it all, having hung up his cape as Batman, (because how else could their love end after this but with ‘Batman’ dying with him?). With the transformation that happened for both Lex and Bruce when he honoured Clark’s last wish, this meant that world also grew into a place where Batman wasn’t needed anymore.

So there you have a beautiful short story about not just love and romance, but grief and betrayal and death and killing and absolution and forgiveness and a love that grows beyond a romantic entanglement into a love that changes the world— 🥰🥰🥰

And under 3000 words.

Now other people will be haunted by your story for the rest of their lives, instead of you.

You will have to edit harder if you try to write as concisely as this, but overall I think you’ll get more stories finished if you experiment with focusing on writing the exciting bits, then sprinkling just enough scene fragments to make it work.

I often write out an idea for a few thousand words, till I get stuck, then go back over it and start thinking about how I can reorder and tweak it to bring what I already have to a satisfying ending.

It requires fumbling and sitting and thinking and figuring it out as I’m revising (as you saw in the example) but if you keep focused on making things shorter you’ll be surprised at just how short you can make it.

And how many things you can finish!

[rizatouchesthewalls]

Miles don’t exist I don’t consume this kind of content but I can’t understand why is an issue to have age up character (like age up it’s legal age?) why such a fuss about it?

i used to wonder this too before realizing a few fundamental things:

// discussion about underage s*xual content

1. Very rarely do people aging characters up (at least in fanfics) ever display this change of age, especially when they describe the character to be of a same or similar appearance to the original aged character.

— HOWEVER: Aging up isn’t necessarily bad if it’s used as a story transition/plot point rather than a way so adults can see themself with the character ‘guilt free.’

2. It sort of feels more like an excuse than anything. To want to make anything about a character than 8/10 you yourself like the character. At it’s root, I’m pretty sure that you’d have to find Miles attractive in some way to want to age them up.

3. People rarely age ‘ugly’ characters up for sexual/romantic reasons. (Or just characters they don’t find attractive). You don’t see anyone aging Mayday up (at least I hope not).

4. They clearly know what they’re doing. They know damn well it’s not an adult in mind. Go through the miles smut tag and look through the blogs. Almost all of them don’t have an age listed on their accounts—But what’s the common thing? MDNI (Minors do not interact). I find it ironic that these people are clearly writing nsfw about teens and then tell minors not to like or interact with their post. It’s enough proof about their age.

5. If a minor ages up a character like I said in my last post I won’t get as mad because they’re a minor, but that doesn’t make it okay to post publicly. It’s feeding creeps online.

Anyway I hope this makes sense and if anything I said sounds stupid or I missed anything or you have extra questions on my stance you can tell me! bye byeee

[01zfan]

don’t know if you’ve already talked about this but can you take us through your writing process? do you write on a computer or your phone? how do you find the motivation? do you make a plan before writing or do you just wing it? do you read/listen to anything for inspiration? how many words do you write in one sitting? how do you tackle a writing slump? 😁😁😁😁🤍

omg first of all thank you so much for your interest in my writing it really means alot agh. i do talk about my process here and here but i will gladly talk more about it because i LUV talking about writing heh.

usually my writing process begins one of two ways. i either have a concept of what i want to do that comes to me as a fleeting idea while im working on a screenplay or an assignment. sometimes i save it in my memory but sometimes i’ll write it really quick in my notes so i don’t lose it. the other way i get ideas is from the requests you guys send me! it inspires me alot, definitely a majority of my fics are from requests you guys have sent me. my favorite thing is when i can put multiple requests together to kinda curate a really good fic for you guys (and that way i get to do multiple peoples requests in one go!)

once i have the idea i usually write a bulk of it on my computer. i’m honestly a very impulsive writer when it comes to fanfiction so i used to jump around alot when i was writing. like for example i remember when i was writing argue with you part three i jumped around alot to different parts of the story and then kinda bridged the gaps. sometimes i’ll jump around to different fanfics i’m working on as well like sometimes i’ll be working on three at a time just jumping around to wherever my mind goes. i used to write straight through all the way to build my tolerance of making a linear story but now i just kinda go with whatever i feel like. i write on my phone too, but mainly when i write on my phone im tweaking stuff and editing bc i’m usually on the go when i’m on my phone. (i have edited so many fics and perfected smut scenes on public transit LMFAO)

i find the motivation to write because i love it a whole lot like it’s kind of hard to explain it but it’s like an innate part of me now to write and always wanting to write. like sometimes i can’t go to sleep until i write something whether it’s an assignment, a screenplay, a fanfic, a journal entry etc. i haven’t gone a single day without writing something in god knows how long. so i’ve never been too much in a writing slump, usually i just read where i left off and let my mind run from there. i find motivation also in reading books and other authors work. i don’t usually listen to music when i’m writing, unless it’s a request or i hear a song that reminds me of a member and an idea comes from that.

i truthfully wing most of the fics i write on here especially if it’s a request i kinda just go with a vibe and follow it till i eventually reach the end. i’m always driven by the same goal to kinda make it read like a reformatted screenplay to kinda transport you there. i think personally i did this the best with in the middle and should’ve told me. but sometimes i’m really driven by story and personalization of the members like i did with bike peg, your birthday, and trigger finger. i really want to become a better writer at feelings and incorporating more analogies and figurative language in my writing because i think it would take me to the next level. human like me was like a very amateur teaser of what i want to write (not as tragic of course but just very emotionally driven)

i genuinely couldn’t tell you the most i’ve ever written in one sitting. i’m gonna say 5-6k words because i wrote non-refundable in one sitting and i was also jumping around writing other stuff while i was woking on that one (i guess i can consider sungchan as a muse?)

sorry if i talked too much but i really love writing a whole bunch i could talk about it till the cows come home. if you ever want me to break down certain passages or excerpts in my fic and how i came up with it i would love to do that so freaking much you have no idea. once again thank you for asking and having an interest in my writing process :D

[faerieismm]

could you perhaps write Levi with a transmasc s/o? maybe like,, coming out to him and him helping his s/o transition? Anything's okay really, doesn't matter if it's a fanfic or headcanons /nf

hello anon!! as someone who has had similar struggles, and uses levi as a coping mechanism, i would love to make this!! here ya go!

levi with a transmasc!s/o <3

tw? none really, but a few trans struggles are obviously mentioned! tried to make it uplifting tho!

genr3? comfort

type of writing? headcanons drabble ish thing

the struggle of not feeling like your true self is painful, and hard.

ofcourse you’d rather not feel this, ofcourse you would wish to just be happy as be.

but that’s just not how it is, and that’s hard to accept sometimes.

personally, i could see levi himself being transmasc too actually!!

if he thinks about it, levi had definitely seen some things that might’ve pointed towards you feeling this way, but it’s a different journey for everyone, and he doesn’t wanna say something that might trigger you or is hurtful.

he tried to atleast be extra kind to you, and give you opportunities to talk to him.

and when you finally opened up to him, he accepted you with open arms. (literally)

listens to you all the way, and doesn’t interrupt.

tells you “it must be hard to feel this way.” and “but you can’t change the way you really are.”

will help make a plan w you!!

if he needs to, he will search all three realms for hormone pills, and/or the right treatment.

you’re still you to him, only now the version you were meant to be, and it only makes him happier to see you comfortable!

“you know, you can always talk to me, okay?”

if genital change is what you’re worried about, don’t worry, he can do both.

since he always thinks before talking anyways, the change in pronouns isn’t a thing either, he easily adjusts.

might even proudly do the “he’s so boy guy dude my favorite bro” kind of sentence.

“you’re still my henry!”

will make you a whole new closet if you want to experiment and or have new clothes!

also tries those ‘how to look masculine’ makeup videos with you.

if you undergo surgery, he will be kind of worried (i dont really think they have surgery in the devildom??) but ofc still supportive!

doesn’t leave your side.

will literally stay during the operation if possible.

before it he asked lucifer if there might be a spell for such a thing. (doesn’t tell it’s for you if you aren’t out ofc!)

pays for it.

all of it.

30k bill? p a y e d .

you can’t stop him.

you can’t.

and he is so very proud of you, so proud.

because being yourself isn’t easy, and becoming yourself is even harder.

i hope you were able to get some comfort out of this!! my dms are always open :)

yours truly,

[darlingpoppet]

What inspired you to start Where The Dead Forget? Also can you tell us some more about your PZA Dreamers AU? (e.g. what your favourite thing to write has been so far, things you look forward to or struggle with, or anything else you like). Thanks!

As for WTDF, honestly it pretty much all started with this tweet where I expressed interest in the concept of Patroclus Hadesgame losing his memories. I had seen such fanarts already so I was curious if there were fics out there too (there are of course! I have since found some, lol!) But a friend in the comments was encouraging to the notion of me writing one myself and I pretty much immediately began spiraling from there (I tweeted this the same day I posted Once More and also about a week before I posted Upon A Lazy Bed, so at the time my brain was on fire and I was constantly brimming with ideas!) The entire story from beginning to end pretty much came to me immediately and I’ve been expanding on it ever since! A lot of my inspiration has been fueled by the experience of consuming every depiction of Achilles & Patroclus I could get my hands on, as well as countless academic writings with various analyses on the characters. Also just the entire meta tradition of storytelling with folklore characters in general, where there’s no one “definitive version”, and thinking about how that might work in-universe where things like memories, bias, human fallibility, etc make objective truth difficult or impossible to obtain. Films such as Rashomon and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind that explore similar concepts to WTDF also inspired me!

As for the PZA Dreamers AU!! I can’t remember if I’ve ever properly explained the concept in a public post but for anyone curious: the whole thing was born out of me seeing a parallel/synergy between the themes of the film The Dreamers and certain interpretations of the Iliad (the Homeric version itself ofc but also particularly Shakespeare’s Troilus & Cressida.) The characters in these stories exist in this symbolic & narrative liminal space where they’re shutting themselves off from the outside world so they can Live Laugh Love—and in all the stories, reality catches up with them eventually, usually in tragic ways. I’m making it a modern AU (a vaguely 2010s period piece?) because as a millennial I also see parallels to my generation (& Gen Z) where as a whole our own lives also seem to be stuck in a figurative liminal space academically, economically, socially (especially in the era of covid where we were all shut-up in our houses finding there was more to life than The Grind, simultaneously reveling in simple pleasures & also going insane from the ambiguity of it all until we were all forced back out again) And at the same time our generations have this fascination with liminal spaces as an Internet meme (including vaporwave which also coincidentally appropriates classical Greco-Roman imagery in its aesthetics.) I’m reading serious non-fiction books like Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher and Retromania by Simon Reynolds in service of what at the end of the day is just a horny fanfic LMFAO.

Because getting back on track to what you actually asked me: I’m not gonna lie, my favorite parts of writing this story so far have been the sex scenes, haha. Like the whole vibe of the story is supposed to be just this completely unfettered dreamy indulgence, and even things like sex have a liminal quality to me (where time seems to stand still and people are joined together transitioning through several physical states) hopefully I’ll be able to pull the whole thing off the way I’m envisioning it! The fact that it’s a modern AU is probably what makes this both easier and harder to write—things like dialogue can have a more modern sensibility but it’s probably the more flowery prose that’s giving WTDF its own dreamy, liminal quality so it’s tricky figuring out how to balance it. I’m also having a hard time deciding whether I want to dump this entire high-concept, novella-length story as a one-shot (or at least split up into 2-3 parts that are published all at once) or if I should stick to a more traditional (for fanfic) serialized publication schedule ahahaha. I guess if anyone reading this has any preferences or insight feel free to let me know your thoughts!

Oh and as for the PZA of it all: writing Closest To My Heart was probably what reminded me of the existence of The Dreamers in the first place (I had seen it years and years ago) because I realized that film has a similar dynamic of an “outsider” falling into an erotic triangle with a pair who are essentially soulmates, and ends up biting off a little more than he can chew in keeping up with the two of them… I decided I wasn’t quite done exploring that dynamic and I wanted to write about it more! Though don’t worry, I don’t think this story is gonna be quite as dark as Closest (uh oh wait this might be a lie actually), and also Patrochilles are MUCH nicer to Zag in this story ;)

(Also I didn’t even mention Hadesgame itself where the entire underworld is a liminal space Zagreus passes through to reach the surface/self-actualization and how he is constantly dying/resurrecting… Zagreus is a very liminal character! But this is already an ETA so I shall leave my thoughts there for now, lol.)

Hopefully all that answers your questions, anon! Thanks so much for the ask <3

[pebblysand]

Hi there, I’m extremely new to fic writing and I have trouble making the characters thoughts and speech feel natural, everything I write feels very mechanical.

I can’t describe actions in a way which feels realistic. I have no idea how to proceed with my fic right now because I don’t like how I write.

Do you know how to improve my writing?

hi anon! my apologies for the delay here! welcome to fanfiction writing!

your question is very broad. you're not only asking how to improve your dialogue, but also writing character thoughts and actions, which are all very different things. i will try to give you advice that applies to everything.

1. read things out loud

this is particularly applicable if you are writing in your first language, but i find it really helpful to read out sentences when i want to assess whether a line of dialogue sounds natural, or whether a line of narration is readable/sounds the way i want it to. ask yourself: would myself or someone i know say this? am i having trouble articulating certain words when I read this out? maybe then, you should rephrase. i know a lot of people feel self-conscious about reading their own writing out loud (and that sometimes, it's not possible) but i think it can really help get your writing flow better. i read everything i put out at least once before publishing.

2. study people you like and/or get a beta

if there's a writer you really like, either fanfic and original fiction, try and notice the way they do certain things. what kind of dialogue tags do they use? how do they create rhythm in their sentences? how do they do transitions? if there's anything, writing-wise, that is giving me grief, i always find looking at how other people do it.

and, if you want to take things further, you can of course try and get a beta. i personally think that when you're starting out, getting any extra set of eyes on your work can be helpful, even if it's from someone you don't know. that said, as you grow as a writer, you might find it helpful to get beta-ed by someone whose writing you vibe with, as they might be more likely to give you advice you find valuable. getting beta-ed by someone whose writing i truly admired and whose advice i, thus, really valued was essential to me growing as a writer in my late teens.

3. own your "filler" words

in order to improve your flow and sentences, you will find that a lot of writing advice tell you to cut down on "filler" words. these are words like "in fact," "well", "actually", "really", etc. that allegedly damage the rhythm of your sentences and weaken your prose.

i - personally - think this advice is terribly misguided and comes from people who don't understand that these "filler" words actually create rhythm in our sentences, and relay the personality of our narrators (assuming the narration is a restricted POV of some kind). everyone in the world has a favourite "filler" word they use all the time without realising, it's a very human trait, and everyone has a very specific way they formulate thoughts and sentences in their heads that may need all the "actually-s" and the "well-s" and the "really-s". i think you should definitely use "filler" words, especially if you're trying to give your narration personality, and want to make your writing less "mechanical". filler words, pauses, and hesitations make your narrator feel like a person, rather than a robot telling a story. chat gpt never uses filler words, and you can tell, you know? that's why the prose it writes is so dry.

that said, it doesn't mean that you should litter your work with filler words and never edit anything out. that's dumb and will make your reader roll their eyes. it means that you should use them intentionally. know what they are, where they are, and why they are there. what is your "really" or your "actually" accomplishing, there?

for example: if your narrator is a valley girl in the 00s, have her use all the "like"s she wants in narration, that's fantastic! if your narrator is a pompous lawyer? have him "thus" and "notwithstanding the fact" all the time. and, you can not only use filler words to add grit and personality to your narrator, but also a rhythm to your sentences. because, often, people will read over "filler" words without realising, but their brain will still pause to skim over them, in a way that almost mimics a comma or a pause to think. use that to your advantage.

4. cut (cut, cut, cut)

now, this is particularly true when it comes to dialogue (at least for me), but i find that i often tend to write dialogue that is too verbose. in my first drafts, my characters always explain things in long sentences where it takes them two paragraphs to get to the point, etc. this is a) boring for the reader and b) actually makes your dialogue more stilted and unnatural because most people don't actually usually speak in paragraphs. that's not how human conversation happens.

so, remember to cut. chances are, if you're like me, about 70% of the dialogue you write on first draft can be cut out without it changing the meaning of the scene. also, let your characters say the wrong thing. be imperfect, or unclear. that's how human conversation really occurs and that's how you make your characters sound less like robots who just need to say Everything All Of The Time.

5. tell it like it is

finally, with regard to you not being able to "describe actions in a way that feels realistic", remember that honesty is always the best policy. by which i mean, realism is mostly rooted in just letting things stand and exist the way they are. if your character is getting themselves a glass of water, just say "they got themselves a glass of water." write the way you would say it, and as simply as you would say it, if you were telling this story to a friend. you do not need to tell your reader that the "sun glittered in the flow of liquid as Amanda pulled the shiny piece of metal above the sink and a fountain erupted..." -that's the kind of trying-too-hard sentence that makes me say "fuck off!" and close the tab. if you want your actions to feel realistic, make them sound realistic by narrating as close as you can to the way your character would actually talk.

-

i hope this helps, anon, and sorry again for the delay in answering. let me know if you have any questions :)

[silverjirachi]

Do you know how much thought I put into my fanfics?

Fanfics are the place I use to improve my writing. I challenge myself and edit. Then edit again. I cut things that aren’t working. I read them out loud to minimize typos. I put as much time, thought, and effort in to the creation of my fanfics and I would a real novel.

It’s disrespectful because you are basically just saying, without an author’s knowledge nor permission, to their free work, their work they poured effort into and shared with you 100% for free, “I want a machine to do this instead, and I think a machine could do this just as well.”

My last fic was 150,000 words and took 2 years to finish. I am still actively editing it so I can get it bound into a hardcover for myself and my friends because I am that proud of it. I have probably spent, as only a rough estimate, not even counting the other connected stories, about 300 hours on a free legend of zelda fic. If I - or any author, including of professional published works - worked at $10 an hour, a well-below livable wage, my book would be worth $3,000.

A machine will never be able to do what a good writer will do, and it is dangerous to feed into the notion that they can. This is not me exaggerating and being lovey dovey about the power of artists and human beings. This is a fact. Machines cannot think or reason. Under no circumstances do we ever WANT a machine that can think and reason the way a human can. Writing is not just words on the page and how they fit together. Here is a non-exhaustive list of things I consider as a writer:

setting

pacing, including what parts of my story warrant long description and entire scenes, and which parts should be transitioned through quickly

symbolism, including which symbols should be worked in throughout the entire novel (this often includes going back and adding in things that weren’t there before)

character development

character arcs

dialogue (including what words characters would actually say and what things they are leaving out)

how to connect the beginning of the book to the end of the book

what i am promising the reader they will experience as part of the plot’s journey

is my plot living up to said promise? what elements are making it so?

What elements of the story are currently too distracting and taking away from the effect of the book?

What emotions, questions, thoughts, and feelings do I want the reader to be left with in every chapter and at the end of the book

What choice of words I am using to create those emotions for the reader?

Subtext

Voice of the narrator, or my own writing voice

And more!

About 10% of those are about how words fit together on the page. Do you seriously expect a machine that just eats information to learn how to string words together pretty will be able to do all that? AI recognizes patterns that are on the surface. AI cannot analyze everything that goes on in the human mind, both from the writer’s and the reader’s perspective.

If you want a certain type of fic you can’t find, write it yourself. Feeding writing into machines to get “good results,” to “train” this AI into making better writing, will never work. AI will never actually be able to do so, and to become complacent in allowing society to believe that AI can do all these things will lead to the further abuse of all writers and continued devaluation of our medium. Writers put in more work than they will ever be fairly compensated for, and you want it that way.

Do not use AI. Especially do not use AI if you want to keep seeing good work. Not just about the work that the AI generates, but the actual books, movies, tv shows around you. It is not a coincidence AI writing is getting attention while a major writer’s strike is going on. Every time you use AI and feed a good piece of writing into it, you are telling the people who want to replace writers that it CAN work and they absolutely should. You are telling them you WANT them to invest more time, money, and effort into making these machines “better,” and in fact, to prove it, you just stole something and fed it to it yourself!

I cannot stop people from feeding work into AI. I unfortunately cannot stop my own work from being fed into AI. But if we do not take a stand against this, writers will stop writing. People will get replaced. New works will stop being born. Wonderful things will never even have the chance to come to life because “a machine could do it anyway.” And that is bleak, my fucking dude.

how is people feeding fanfics to AI disrespectful? i don’t really get it…

1, AI is basically plagiarizes everything--it has no creativity in itself (it cannot create), it just regurgitates what you feed into it. Those words that it spits back? They were stolen from somebody else without their consent.

2, You are basically saying that a soulless machine can do just as good a job as an actual human being. How much motivation would you feel to write if someone would rather ask a machine to finish your work?

[watermelinoe]

1/2 Sorry for dumping this here, I’m currently crypto. As a gender crit fandom goer, I love fanfic but ao3’s genderland is depressing. I used to morbidly dip into reading ABO when I was younger, and it took a while for me to see that it’s just reinventing heterosexuality and sexism. What bothers me most is how it’s a sign that women DO want to talk about reproductive rights and issues surrounding pregnancy and raising children, but they’re so steeped in shame that they can’t even do that AS women. Instead, they have to invent an entire universe where men can be pregnant in order to justify it, even though genderbending the male protagonist to be female would be much simpler. They do not see female characters as fully human, or maybe it’s just too painful to confront the reality of female oppression without cloaking it in something else. The crazy thing is, if you asked any one of these women why male omegas are oppressed, they’d be able to tell you it’s because of the omega’s ability to give birth. And yet they can’t make the connection that real women are oppressed for the same reason. It’s so crazy that all their trans logic completely vanishes in ABO fic. Omegas aren’t told they’re bigots for being afraid of alphas and wanting to avoid them and have omega-only spaces, because omegas get raped and harassed by alphas all the time, and it’s recognized as a pattern. I’ve read fics where omegas take scent-blockers in order to pass as a beta or an alpha, and they NEVER do it because they internally identify as beta or alpha, they do it because they know that they’d be mistreated and stereotyped if anyone knew their true identity as an omega. Alphas hold all the wealth and power in society and are known to turn into violent, mindless beasts due to their sexual urges. You never see ABO fic in which alphas try to transition into omegas and claim oppression. I wonder why? Is it because their biology is immutable and such a thing would be fucked up and wrong? Change alpha to man and omega to woman and most ABO becomes basic TERF rhetoric. I wonder sometimes if mpreg fic is the only way to get through to these people. The ironic part is how most of the women who write mpreg and ABO are gendies. The same women who mock all the straight girls writing hetfic on ffnet, while touting ao3 as some kind of “queer haven”. But almost never do you see fic about alpha/alpha or omega/omega love stories. Overwhelmingly, it’s all alpha/omega with the omega as the self-insert. Hetfic with extra steps. It’s insane to witness. The unashamed straight girls who happily write pure hetfic or genderbend hetfic are braver than any gendie could hope to be, and the scorn they receive from TIFs is pure projection. Homosexuality isn’t some kind of curio. Gays can be both interesting and boring just like straights can be both interesting and boring. I think the main problem is that TIFs are ashamed of being straight women, and they use fic to fulfill their attraction to men while also escaping from how disappointing real men are. Don’t get me wrong, I think turning to writing as an escape from disappointment is a fairly healthy coping mechanism. But problems start when their writing becomes all porn and zero literature, and they become unable to maintain boundaries between fantasy and reality. But it also frustrates me when some radfems see this phenomenon and say that all fic is toxic and needs to go. Because I still believe that fic, even bad fic, is one of the purest distillations of female passion and creativity there is. There exists no male equivalent.

2/2 When most men like a show, they usually finish it and then move on to consume the next, or make one brief reddit post about it, or retweet some pornified fanart of a female character. The few REALLY passionate men might make one monetized youtube video praising the show, or create the pornified fanart themselves. But NEVER do you see men flocking together to post daily essays examining the psyche of a single character, or writing novel-length stories about someone else’s fictional characters and sharing them for free. Women OWN passion, because they consume stories in order to create more, and create stories without reward. Men just consume, and create only when reward is guaranteed. I get radfems being anti porn on camera because it exploits real women who are forced into sex for men’s profit, but I personally don’t think written porn about fictional characters is exploitive. No money is made with fic, no real person is raped; fic porn is made by women for women, and women depict men in fic far better than men deserve. I trust women to create weird gore/smut fic and art and still be decent people, or at least non-violent. Japanese women make some insanely kinky fanart, but I know they’re not out there raping anyone or being creepy in public. If fandom were truly grounds for exploitation, if you could reliably use fic to trick people into changing their morals, men would be getting in on the action too, but they’re not. Fandom is still a female-majority space and most men want nothing to do with it. I’ve certainly read fic that I thought was disturbing and disgusting, but I have the ability to click away, so I’d never argue that fic that bothers me personally shouldn’t have the right to exist. Because the moment I try to censor what someone else is allowed to write, they gain the right to censor me too. There is no single authority who can be trusted to decide what can and can’t be said without important voices getting silenced in the process, because everyone has personal biases. The whole “words are violence” narrative and censorship of gender critical voices is how trans ideology continues to reign. You can’t wake people up if you aren’t even allowed to speak. It might be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that any attempt to censor language will always escalate and come back to silence you someday, so I’d much rather everyone have the right to write whatever disgusting drivel they want as long as I get to say my piece too. No tyrannical regime has ever gotten off the ground without first silencing the opposition. Truth can only be found when everyone is allowed to speak freely, even the people you disagree with, so that everyone can make informed choices. Censoring people doesn’t change their internal beliefs, it only makes them lie about their beliefs in order to be liked. And I’d much rather people be open about their beliefs than me hazard a guess and feel betrayed later when their real beliefs come out. At the end of the day, I care most about material harm to real people and free speech. As long as fans mind their own business and don’t force their opinions or fantasies on anyone else, let them create what they want. Blacklist, block, disengage, put up the boundaries you need. Fandom was much more fun when most of us agreed upon these rules and being gender crit was the norm, but no one has self-possession anymore.

i know this took me forever to answer but there's really a lot here!! and i wanna divide your thoughts into three main big ideas to respond to, the first being, in your words: "they do not see female characters as fully human, or maybe it’s just too painful to confront the reality of female oppression without cloaking it in something else."

this is exactly it. i was in fandom spaces for a long time, i've been reading fanfic since i was in middle school, i've checked out a/b/o stuff and some of it, believe it or not, is actually well-written and surprisingly insightful about sex classes - the issue being that the authors substitute male characters. although not all a/b/o fic also has mpreg, i guess it would be called a/b/o-lite? i personally didn't read mpreg, i thought it was off-putting even during a time when i was trying despite my reservations to be open-minded and accepting of whatever someone wanted to write, but the appeal of a/b/o is basically as you said. whether they acknowledge it openly or not, women and girls are very aware of sex-based oppression.

m/m is already appealing to women, of all sexualities, for various reasons. it can be fetishistic of ssa men, absolutely. but, on the other hand, male characters are allowed to be fully human. m/m lets women explore relationships where both parties are allowed to be complete human beings. the cloak you mentioned can be worn in different ways by different women. for a time, without getting too into details, i couldn't read erotica with any women involved because it was too real to me; i didn't want to think of myself in a sexual context at all. so i liked m/m because i could disassociate from my own body. but tbh there's lots of reasons why women would want to see themselves in male characters. it's also a way to explore a same-sex relationship without misogyny. any woman who likes femslash can tell you... it is slim pickings out there. hope you like two feminine women and no real plotline. and bc anime men are basically women anyway, m/m is like, a poor woman's f/f.

a/b/o goes a step further, and what it shows us is that women do want to talk about sex-based oppression... in a vacuum. we don't want it to be happening to us, but wouldn't it be fucked up if there was a hierarchy of sex classes where men could be oppressed? and, with mpreg, what if men could be exploited for their reproduction? because men are fully human, and women want to be fully human, therefore we want to see ourselves in men. it's actually fascinating. i just wish women were self-aware about it, because it's this accidentally brilliant analogy of sex-based oppression and gender roles, and instead they're up to their noses in genderist bullshit :(

moving on to your second main idea: "because I still believe that fic, even bad fic, is one of the purest distillations of female passion and creativity there is. there is no male equivalent."

it's maybe not as popular of an opinion on radblr, but i completely agree. i am a staunch fanfic defender. i've seen women take these mainstream, impotent and unsatisfying male narratives (cough soul eater, rurouni kenshin) and write some of the most compelling character pieces i've ever read. women understand characters and storylines better than the original creators. it used to be believed that women lacked the capacity for artistic creation - at best, women could do portraiture and still life, but lacked the greater imagination required for high, inventive art. i would argue that the opposite is true. as you said, men only consume.

as for the last main takeaway, i don't think i can completely agree with you about censorship, but i don't think it's a black-and-white topic either. i really don't have a problem with women writing erotica for other women, i would not compare it to porn, there are no real people being exploited. i also think women fall into kink for different reasons than men, and don't have the same relationship to it that men do. i believe women can be trusted much more with disturbing content, whereas men lack the capacity to separate fiction from reality. they just don't process it as deeply.

but i think fiction can still cause harm, and that we have a responsibility to mitigate that harm. i just don't know what the exact answer is. jaws is one of my favorite movies, and it also caused a public panic that led to sharks being culled en masse, even though nothing in the movie indicated that sharks in real life are a real danger to people and need to be exterminated. are the movie creators responsible for how people responded to the film? i can't agree with that. just like i don't think nabokov is responsible for what pedophiles did to lolita. just because something is depicted in fiction doesn't mean it's endorsed by the author. but authors can still be irresponsible and create harmful content, some of it to the extent that it really shouldn't have been published, from a moral standpoint. but what do we do about it?

i agree that there's currently a problem with censorship based on moral grounds, because who decides morality? gender critical women are deplatformed for "hate speech" as decided by male supremacists and their handmaidens. it can be called hate speech to criticize your oppressors if your oppressors are the authority figures. you're right that there's no single authority that could ever be trusted to decide what we should be allowed to say and create. but on an individual scale, women are capable of making harmful and irresponsible content, and my problem with that isn't so much that she made it, but that it's so accessible and readily perpetuates itself, and maybe she made it "to cope" or whatever but then it should've stayed on her hard drive. but what kind of hard policy do you implement that doesn't stifle other creative women? i don't have a good answer. because i want women to keep creating, even if it's cringe, even if it's bad.

[bumblebee-moreno]

Why tagging female reader fics is so important

I’m starting to get really fed up with the lack of tagging in this fandom, so here’s a quick explanation as to why it’s so important to tag your female reader fics as female reader.

1- This should be common knowledge, but apparently not: not every person who reads fanfic is female.

It’s become standard to assume readers are female. And honestly, it’s just flat out disrespectful. It shows us non-female readers that you don’t care enough about our comfort in the fandom to do something as simple as put “character x F!reader” instead of “Character x reader”. It's incredibly othering and disrespectful towards those of us who are not female.

2- “Reader” can easily be assumed to be gender neutral.

It very rarely is, but there’s no way of knowing whether something is going to be gender neutral or not if you don’t tag it. It’s INCREDIBLY frustrating to start a fic and find out a few paragraphs in (or worse, halfway through), that it’s female reader. Not only is it frustrating, it can be triggering to some people: it can trigger gender dysphoria in trans people, bring up trauma from cis male readers that may have experience abuse related to their sexual orientation, and many, many more people.

3- It’s harmful to trans people.

Many AFAB trans people (trans men and AFAB non-binary people) experience gender dysphoria. It’s seen as incredibly dehumanising to misgender a trans person, and that’s essentially what you’re doing by assuming that all readers are female. At best, misgendering a trans person reminds them they don’t fit the cishet expectation society has of them. At worse, it triggers extreme feelings of gender dysphoria, memories of past (and current) abuse, and reminds us that representation is a luxury we rarely experience. It’s not just the pronouns either; sometimes I’ll read a fic and it’ll describe body parts that trigger my gender dysphoria (breasts, hips, reproductive parts, etc.). As a cis person reading this, it might not seem like a big deal. But trust me: it’s a huge deal. Being misgendered takes a HUGE toll on a trans person’s mental health. We spent a huge part of our lives being misgendered, pretending to be someone we’re not, and to read a self-insert fic and have the reader be gendered as female reminds us of the time when our lives were at the lowest. Trans people who don’t pass as their gender identity, who are non-binary, or who cannot transition, are misgendered all day, every day, and for many of us, fandom is the only escape… until we’re trying to read a fic and are misgendered there too.

It’s not as simple as “it’s not for us”. For me, it’s sometimes an inconvenience. Other days, it triggers my dysphoria so bad I totally shut down and can’t function for hours on end. And my gender dysphoria is much less intense than many trans people’s.

4- It’s not difficult.

It’s just not. It’s as simple as putting “f!reader” at the top of your fic. If you want to be extra awesome, you can put it in the tags too. Not doing it shows that you’re too lazy to respect people who aren’t comfortable reading female reader fics.

5- It’s a waste of our time.

You’re not getting any extra notes by doing this. You’re just not. If anything, you’re losing prospective readers. As a non-binary person, I occasionally read f!reader fics. But if I can’t mentally prepare for it in advance, I’m not going to be able to finish reading. Those of us who can’t read any female reader fics won’t be very likely to read any of your other fics, even if those are actually gender neutral. So we have to get partway through reading a fic that isn’t for us when we could have just scrolled past it. You’re proving to non-female readers that your blog isn’t a safe space for us, and it’s very unlikely you’ll get a second chance from that reader.

Please know: I’m not trying to personally attack anyone. If you didn’t know it was harmful, that’s okay, just start tagging your fics. It’s not difficult, and it means the world to non-female readers. I'm trying to be as polite and patient as I can with this, but I'm getting to the point where I'm done asking nicely. It's pushing a lot of people out of the fandom, and honestly I'm tempted to leave tumblr myself because of it.

You don't have to write for male or gender neutral readers, but telling people the reader is intended to be female is not optional.

[dc41896]

That Was Unexpected..

✨Pairing✨: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

Summary🪄: A little prank causes your boyfriend to dig himself into a pretty deep hole

⚠️: Chris being a meatball, fluff💕!

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you like this short imagine! (Don’t really know how I feel about the ending but 🤷🏽‍♀️) This is just something quick and fluffy I wanted to write based off this post I saw on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTZ4vpqFH0w/?utm_medium=copy_link

scottevansgram sent a post

scottevansgram: You should do this just to see what Chris says

scottevansgram: And please let me know if he says something corny like this lol

y/IG/n: Lol and I’ll do you one better😏

Switching your phone to its camera, it’s strategically angled so only your face is seen as to not make your boyfriend suspicious of what you were doing. Not that he’d see it since his attention was solely on the Patriots game playing on the screen. He probably would’ve forgotten you were beside him if not for your calves lying across his lap.

You press record just in time to catch his frustration at the last play making you roll your eyes at the phone propped up by your thighs.

“We can’t keep makin’ dumb mistakes like that if we wanna go to the Super Bowl,” he states. Thick Boston accent very much active before taking a drink of his beer.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna sleep on the couch tonight,” you casually announce picking a piece of lint off your shirt. Well, really his but he hardly ever wore it.

You now had his attention though meeting his eyes shining the lightest of greens from the peaking sunlight, as his hand gently grazed over your shin. “Why? You don’t feel good?”

“No I’m fine, I just want to sleep on the couch.”

“Oh okay, we can have a little camp out in here then. Make a fort and watch movies,” he smiles leaning over just enough to sweetly kiss your knee.

“That sounds fun, but I was kinda expecting to sleep by myself,” you reply. His furrowed eyebrows and puppy like eyes aiming right at your heart.

“…did I do something?”

Now, you could’ve ended it there. Easing his worries by explaining how it was just a joke and you wanted to see how he’d react.

Where would the fun be in that though?

“Did you do something?,” you counter making it sound as innocent as you could.

“No,” he quickly answers before his hand nervously scratches the back of his neck. One of the common tells that he was lying. “Well-,”

“Well? Christopher what did you do?”

“Nothing..technically. I might’ve damaged your favorite jersey though.”

“The same jersey my dad bought me at my first ever NFL game?! Seriously Chris?!”

The joke was the last thing on your mind now as you quickly sat up.

“I’m sorry! I was separating the laundry and-and Dodge was there right? And I was kiddin’ around like ‘got a new treat for you’ since we have our little rivalry, but of course he didn’t do anything ‘cause he’s a good boy-,”

“Unlike his father,” you quip making him slightly hang his head.

“Okay I deserve that. So then the doorbell rang and he ran off but the jersey got caught on his nail and made a hole. I tried to sew it but then the thread got tangled and I promise I was gentle trying to untangle it, but when I got the thread apart it also made the hole bigger.” You can only shake your head as you move to stand up, but are instead kept in place with his hands still on your lower legs.

“I got you a new one though! But I guess ya probably already know that..,” he lowly adds with head down in shame for not telling you sooner.

“I didn’t until now.”

“W-what?”

“I didn’t know about the jersey until you just told me. Earlier, that was just a joke from a video Scott sent me,” you explain watching his skin transition from a light pink to faint red and mouth form into a small “o”.

“I just wanted to see how you’d react. I wasn’t expecting a confession.”

Head falling to your shoulder, a giggle slips past your lips at his mixture of a groan and chuckle. Only he would be the one to find himself in a situation like this.

“I’m so gonna kill Scott when I see him.”

“Might not want to say that too loud,” you reply holding up your still recording phone now focused on his face as his laughter grows.

“Well I guess that works in my favor too since you can’t say anything about hurting me now can you sweetheart?,” he grins pecking your lips.

“Mm debatable. I can always delete the evidence honey,” you wink before rejoining your lips with his.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @bekinds @ladydmalfoy @maxcullen @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @damnitaa @literaturefeen @bamondomesticity @scoop93535 @secretmysteriousperson @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found in masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[beatrice-otter]

You are completely misunderstanding the point that’s being made here.

Not wanting open season for criticism is very fundamentally not about writers viewing critique as a threat to their ego or being oversensitive. It’s about the fannish community in general deciding that posting fanfic is more like bringing a dish to a potluck than enrolling in a cooking class.

If you are taking a cooking class, every time you cook something you will get feedback/constructive criticism from the instructor and probably your fellow students. They’ll tell you what went right, what went wrong, and what you should do next time to make it work better. Because the whole point of doing it is to improve your cooking skills with the help of other people.

If you bring a dish to a potluck, the point of a potluck is to enjoy peoples’ company and eat together. If someone brings a dish that’s not very good, well, that happens. You don’t go up to them and tell them everything they should have done. You eat what you want to, pass by the stuff you don’t, and if you can’t say anything nice you don’t say anything at all. If the cook who brought the terrible dish wants to improve, they will ask for help or advice.

Maybe they’re just there for the fellowship and couldn’t care less whether they make something good or not. Maybe they just need practice. Maybe they got an inspiration that didn’t quite turn out the way they expected, but they didn’t want the food to go to waste so they brought it anyway. Maybe they were pressed for time or something went wrong, and they are usually better. Maybe it’s a new recipe and they’ve already figured out what to do next time. Maybe they don’t have the money to buy better ingredients. Maybe your ideas of what that dish “should” be like are radically different from theirs. Maybe it’s none of your business.

I’m pretty good at taking critique; I’ve taken lessons in a number of different types of endeavor, I know how it works, and if I were taking a cooking class, I’d be fine with people telling me what I can improve and how to do it.

But if I bring a dish to a potluck, and you come up to me and tell me what you think is wrong with it, I’m going to tell you not to eat it if you don’t like it, and also, stop being rude. Not because I’m “too sensitive” or “can’t take criticism” or my ego is wounded, but because you are being deeply inappropriate to the situation.

As to “when did it change” the answer will be different depending on what fannish circles you travel in. I’m pretty sure there are still fandom groups around that function like writers’ groups, it’s just that most of them are private (discord communities and the like) instead of public. I started lurking and reading fanfic in the 90s, and to the best of my recollection most places constructive criticism was only welcome if the author requested it; things were much the same in the LJ days when I started posting fic myself. Some communities never allowed criticism; some allowed it sometimes; some it was a regular thing.

But the ones where concrit was a regular thing tended to be smaller for the simple reason that “getting constructive criticism from people you know will give useful feedback” is very different from “inviting any yahoo on the internet who happens to stumble in to yell at you about what a horrible writer they think you are because you didn’t write the story they wanted” which is what happens when you’re in a more open space and allow criticism. (Even if you say “only constructive criticism,” lots of people think their ideas are constructive criticism when it really, really isn’t.)

From what I know from listening to people who were in fanfic circles before I was, part of the issue is the transition from print zines to online posting. Print zines cost money and take a lot of time to make (especially back in the era of the typewriter and the mimeograph), and so only the best stories got published. If you wanted to share your story, you had to learn to write to a certain standard of quality. And the community was fairly small, everyone knew everyone else. So critique was an important part of helping writers get good enough to get their fic in a zine and thus seen by others.

Online posting is both easier to do (so there’s no need to gatekeep who can post stories and who can’t) and easier to find (so you get a LOT more people reading, most of whom you don’t know and who may or may not have any actual clue about writing in general or the type of story you’re trying to tell). So unless you’re in a closed community, the benefits are lower and the risk of assholes shitting on you while claiming it’s “constructive criticism” is much greater. So fannish culture (by and large) changed, though again, different communities have different norms. (Sometimes very different norms.)

But it’s not about writers being sensitive. It’s about deciding that unless otherwise specified ahead of time, posting fanfic is the equivalent of bringing a dish to a potluck, not taking a cooking class.

Hey, if you don't have something nice to say about other people's creations (gifsets, art, fic etc)

then

don't say anything at all.

[teamfreewill56-blog]

It Means Nothing Ch. 3

Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading this fanfic, sorry the update took forever I just could NOT get this chapter to go how I wanted. I’m not sure how much longer I will make it either. Hope you enjoy!

“All right Senjuro, we should calm down now, crying after you have just eaten can hurt your stomach. Focus on your breathing, just like you do in training. Slow and deep.” Kyojuro calmly instructed, still cradling the younger boy in his arms. Senjuro nodded against his torso and his sobs became quieter as he followed Kyojuro’s instruction. “That’s it, keep breathing.” Kyojuro gently rubbed his little brother’s back and allowed him to straighten out of his arms. He gave Senjuro a bright smile and handed him the napkin by his plate.

“Senjuro, what caused the tears?” Y/N asked gently.

He wiped his eyes. “I don’t remember Mother, and I’m the only one who never knew what she looked like….Brother would describe her to me but I couldn’t picture her.” He looked up at Kyojuro then to Y/N, “So hearing that brother has her face, I felt like I finally could see her.”

Kyojuro smiled, putting his hand on Senjuro’s arm. “That’s really wonderful Senjuro, I’m glad for you.”

Senjuro smiled and touched his brother’s hand. For a moment Senjuro had forgotten their father was there, he had been so quiet, he turned and smiled brightly at him, “Thank you for telling us Dad, I know it must be hard to talk about Mom--I’m sorry for cry--”

“It’s all right.” Shinjurou gently put his hand on Senjuro’s blond hair, expecting a negative response, but Senjuro just smiled.

Y/N turned her head as the kettle went off, she smiled and got to her feet, “I’ll get it, I’ll grab you some water Senjuro. Kyojuro, Shinjuro do you want anything?”

They both declined and Y/N excused herself, getting up and walking out. Kyojuro got up and returned to his seat, his eyes never leaving Shinjurou, “Father you look pale. Maybe it would be best for you to lay down.”

He shook his head, “I’m fine Kyojuro, the sake is just wearing off.”

“I have something that will help with that.” Y/N said coming in with a tray of cups. One of the cups had steam trailing out of it. She kneeled between Senjuro and Shinjuro and set Senjuro’s cup on his plate and then set the steaming cup on Shinjuro’s, “This is tea from Shinbou. It tastes pretty bitter, but it helps with hangover symptoms, especially the headache and speeds up the sobering process. Don’t drink any alcohol for a few hours after though because it’ll make you sick. I can leave you a couple packets.”

Shinjuro picked up the cup, “That’s all right Y/N, I will be taking a break from sake for a while.” Both of his sons smiled and Senjuro hid his smile behind his cup of soup.

“So that is why you wanted to meet with Shinbou before we left on our mission!”

“For the mission, not your dad. I’ve seen demons use alcohol on victims to keep them unawares. There were a lot of entertainment houses where we were going, I just wanted to be prepared.” Y/N smiled at Kyojuro, she petted the side of Senjuro’s head and returned to her seat.

Shinjuro drank the tea as they talked, frowning at the taste but still finishing the cup.

“Oh that’s right, Dad we were going to train a little tomorrow, join us won’t you?” Kyojuro asked. He hoped it wouldn’t come off as too pushy, but he thought that perhaps getting Shinjuro to move around more, be reintroduced to his passions would help him feel more comfortable.

His father frowned, “You shouldn’t be fighting with that wound in your shoulder, even if it is just training. It needs to heal.”

The Flame Hashira blinked and put his hand on his shoulder where the wound was and smiled, ‘So his senses are still keen after all.’

“Hmm. You have a point.”

“Hashira have to be able to fight even when we’re wounded though. With as much experience as you both have it couldn’t hurt to give Kyojuro’s methods a small check up.” Y/N spoke up, she looked earnestly at the current Flame Hashira, “Unless you’re not okay with that Kyojuro?”

“That wouldn’t bother me at all! It’s important that a Hashira isn’t too arrogant and I would like Father to see what I know.” Kyojuro looked at his father, his eyes clear and confident but holding no negative attributes of pride. ‘Maybe actually seeing me fight will help him remember how it felt for him.’

“Very well. You can show me after breakfast Kyojuro.” He relented. “We’ll practice in the yard. Senjuro I want you to practice your swordsmanship as well.”

“Ah, yes sir.” Senjuro answered. “Don’t worry, he’ll be practicing with me in the dojo, just keep the Flame Pillar Inferno in the yard.” Y/N held her hand up, interjecting with a smirk.

“I believe we can manage that!” Kyojuro laughed.

Shinjuro took a deep breath, “I’m going to turn in, thank you for dinner Senjuro. Don’t stay up too late, you too Kyojuro.”

“You’re welcome Dad, yes sir.” Senjuro answered, Kyojuro chiming in with him on the ‘yes sir’. The trio told him goodnight and he got up and walked out. Senjuro watched him leave with a worried expression. Kyojuro got up, “Senjuro, will you get the journals?”

“Yeah I can get them.”

“Great! Meanwhile Y/N and I will clean up and get the beds ready.”

“Okay.” Senjuro nodded and got up. “I’m going to leave Dad some water and snacks.”

While Senjuro did this Kyojuro and Y/N cleaned up and then went and got Senjuro’s bed and brought it into Kyojuro’s room, laying the three beds down side by side. Y/N dropped the blankets, “Oh shit!” She ran over to the closet.

Kyojuro blinked, “Hm? What’s wrong?” Still smiling but his face a look of pure adorable confusion.

“We didn’t change your bandages, Shinjuro even brought it up!” She threw open the closet door, “I can’t believe I forgot!” She pulled out the basket of first aid items and brought it over to the beds.

“Oh!” He laughed heartily, “I forgot as well! We’ve been very busy today! You especially!” He slid his arms into the torso of his robe and slid them out of the collar so it fell around his waist, looking at his shoulder, “It isn’t that bad! Besides, the bleeding stopped a while ago.”

She shook her head, “Still…”

“It’s really all right, Y/N. There’s no need to get mad at yourself.” Kyojuro gently put his forehead against hers as she kneeled down in front of him, “I’m the one who should have remembered, and it really isn’t hurting that much.”

She touched his cheeks, “still, I’m sorry. I’ll be right back, I’m going to get some water and towels.”

“Okay.”

She ran to the door and stopped as Senjuro opened it, dressed in bed robes with a tray of food and drinks and another tray that had writing instruments and books on it. Y/N took the tray of food from Senjuro, brought it over to the bed, set it down and ran out, “I’ll be back!”  

“What’s the matter?” Senjuro asked as Kyojuro started untying the bandage and carefully picked at the gauze, “Brother your shoulder!”

“Yes, we forgot to change the bandage when we got home but it’s all right, we’re taking care of it now! No need to worry.” He smiled.

“Okay.” The younger boy still looked concerned as he sat down beside him.

“How are you Senjuro? You seemed nervous at dinner, was having father there uncomfortable for you?” Kyojuro tilted his head at his sibling, trying to read his expression.

“No!” He covered his mouth realizing he had yelled, Kyojuro chuckled and softly touched his arm. Senjuro lowered his hands, his expression concerned,  “I’m really glad he ate with us, I don’t know why I was nervous...I guess I’m just not used to Dad actually looking at me when he’s talking to me, so I froze. And then seeing that he hurt Y/N...but I could tell he felt really badly about it.” His eyebrows creased in concern, “He looked really ill brother. And I’m just worried about why he would hurt her--”

The door slid open and Y/N came back in with a bowl of water, she slid the door shut with her foot and brought the bowl over to the bed, “He hasn’t been sober in twelve years, his crutch has been taken away, and now he’s having to face things, really face things, and face himself. That’s enough to make anyone feel ill.” She set the water down in front of Kyojuro looking into his eyes and then to Senjuro, “He didn’t hurt me on purpose and I’m not mad at him for it. I was prodding at old wounds he’s never addressed so he lashed out by throwing his sake jug at me, it broke when it hit my forehead, that’s all.” She searched his eyes, “Senjuro he’ll be okay, he really will. We can help him transition out of where he's been, we just need to encourage him and remind him that we’re here to help, we support him and we see that he’s doing his best. You and Kyojuro already showed him that at dinner.”

“But I acted so nervous…”

“You relaxed by the end of dinner though, and he noticed. It's ok for things to be a little awkward, you guys will move past it.”

She grabbed Kyojuro’s hand and glared at him, “Let me do it or I will sit on you Kyojuro I swear to the gods.”

“That sounds like a very interesting way to administer first aid!” He laughed.

[maddiewritesstucky]

Ok ok ok so this isn't exactly jock 'verse related but it also kinda is & I need 2 tell u or I might explode 🤣🤣🤣 its legit a perfect fanfic trope but irl

So, my university has fraternities like a lot do BUT there's this dude (he's in a few classes with me) & this dude is just a Frat. Bro. thru & thru. He loves his frat & would likely die 4 those boys. Idk literally anything else about him besides the fact that he knocked a girl up his freshman yr & now, just, brings his kid everywhere. 2 zoom meetings & 2 in person classes (according 2 my friend) when we had them 😅

but wait

it gets Better.

I learned today when we were sharing about ourselves that his "frat name" (idfk how that shit works😂) has transitioned from a pun on his last name 2 just- D A D D Y

All the other dudes just. call. him. daddy.

YES HE IS A LITERAL FATHER BUT Y?

y are so many frats so straight that they loop back 2 being gay?

NONNIE I AM BESIDE MYSELF 🤣

Literally everything about this is fucking incredible!?

Being one of those dudes who probably ends up getting matching ‘bros in, bros out’ tattoos with The Boys™️ by the end of college? Impeccable 👌

This very same bonafide FratBro rocking around with a baby? DELICIOUS 👏

You already had me, Nonnie, but then you go and heap on the fact that there’s a group of young adult men casually walking around referring to this man as DADDY?!?

T R A N S C E N D E N T 🙌

This might be the best story I’ve ever heard to be honest. And you know what, as for the relevance to JockVerse? I think this fits right in, and I’m gonna go ahead and tag my girl @rainbowsandcoconut here because you’ve probably just made her day by prompting me to write this, Nonnie.

Consider, if you will:

Bucky having to take care of his 6 month old niece on short notice, on a day when he can’t afford to skip class. It’s a short day for him, only one morning lecture then a team meeting, so he just...brings her with him

In a baby carrier, strapped to his front, so he can still carry his backpack and have his hands free

He doesn’t make a big deal about it, and no one in his lecture takes issue because she sleeps pretty much the entire way through

But when he walks into the meeting and his teammates clock his situation?...

“I knew this day would come! I knew Barnes was gonna knock someone up!”

“How could you not tell us you had a spawn? I thought we were friends, man!”

“Jesus, she looks exactly like you.”

(That one’s accurate - this kid is all Barnes, dark hair and slate eyes and perfect little Cupid’s bow)

“Nah, this is our new linebacker,” Bucky lifts her out of the carrier and grabs her blanket out of his backpack, spreading it on the floor to let her stretch her little body out

She’s a pretty chill little person so she’s unconcerned by the bunch of jacked up football players all kinda crowding around, she just looks at them all in turn, babbling a quiet assessment of the situation to herself

Steve and Coach Fury walk in at the same time, and they both do a double take - Fury, because “why is there a goddamn baby on my floor?” and Steve, because Bucky’s hands - those grabbing, pinning, shoving, spanking hands that he’s so intimately familiar with - are now very gently slipping a tiny sock onto a tiny foot

“Barnes is playing Daddy!” Clint oh so joyously informs them, and Fury just kinda shakes his head and mumbles something about how he’s ‘been waiting for some bullshit like this’

Bucky explains his situation, and Steve doesn’t say much of anything, but his face is doing a whole lot of something. There’s no time to examine that though, because Fury is getting the meeting underway

It all goes pretty much as normal, except this time when Bucky’s running his mouth about how they’re gonna fucking obliterate the opposing team at the upcoming playoff, he’s doing it with a baby in his arms and his fingertips drawing soft, absent patterns over her belly; occasionally cupping his hands over her teeny ears when his verbiage gets a little more colourful

Steve does not know what to do with the duality of this

Since when does Bucky know how to do shit like one-handed prep a bottle of formula? Where the fuck is this soft-ass smile coming from? Why is Steve’s gut doing weird swoopy flippy stuff every time Bucky quietly coos “oh, you think so?” to his niece’s incomprehensible little sounds?

Crisis 2.0 comes when Clint insists on referring to Bucky as ‘Daddy’ for the entirety of the meeting, even after Bucky points out the inaccuracy, because in Clint-logic it would apparently be “way too fuckin’ weird to call you ‘uncle’”

This is not a kink Steve has ever considered before, it’s certainly not one he and Bucky have played around with, but fuck if his body isn’t doing some Thangs at hearing that title used on Bucky. His throat gets inexplicably dry every time, and a few strangled sounds make their way out when he’s not quick enough to catch them

He knows it’s not lost on Bucky, he can feel Bucky looking at him every time Clint drops the D word, but Steve can’t bring himself to return that stare

It’s a miracle Steve survives this maelstrom at all, to be honest. It’s making him think entirely too hard, and he doesn’t want to think when it comes to Bucky. The whole point of them is that they don’t have to think

He disappears pretty quick after the meeting, and it doesn’t go unnoticed, but Bucky decides to be gracious this time and let it slide...

...At least, he does until the next time he’s putting Steve through the headboard, when he just can’t help but tuck his smug grin right up against Steve’s ear, and purr “...gonna come for your Daddy?”

[universitypenguin]

Hi, Alice! I hope you’re well, dear.

So I’m reading part 8 rn and I had to take a break after the smut cause wow that was so good that I want to bask in it as long as I can before I return to the main plot and event. But I just wanna say something first cause I read that you’re planning on turning this series into a book and honestly I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. You’re the most incredible writer I’ve come across on this hellsite. Everything about your writing style (your character building, your plots, mains and subs, the smut, the background stories, the arcs, the phrasing and the wording) is really not just publish but awards worthy as well. and I wanna focus on a certain thing real quick if that’s okay.

“His lifetime of exposure couldn’t be removed, it could only be used as a vaccination against further spread of the disease.”

I think what I love most about your writing is your incredible ability to turn something so technical into something so poetic. I think the same goes for your smut because you’re thorough. Like you will detail the sh*t out of what is going on and it feels very technical to like the naked eye or something but as someone who can visualize vividly what they read, your writing makes me bloom on the inside with one too many sexy feels lol.

Also, this line “He’d broken that vow and become a hideous blend of them both.”��I think this is my all-time fave line from everything I have ever read because it sums me up so damn perfectly that i will keepsake it for as long as I live. so thank you for that one, love.

Alice, darling, you are brilliant and I wish you all the success in the world <3

Thank you so much!

I’m glad you’re excited about the book. It’s such a thrill that people are more accepting of the transition from fanfic into independent fiction these days. Of course, I prefer to self publish and that does make the jump a little easier.

I can’t tell you how happy it makes me when I get to see which parts of a story stood out to my readers! Anytime you want to, share as many of your thoughts as you’d like! As for the level of smut detail… ☺️ What can I say? I’m definitely an “open door” romance writer. No details will be spared!

My favorite part of this chapter was setting up Lloyd’s backstory. I like that we have a little more insight into why he’s so unconventional. Those hints I dropped will be circled back to in the middle of the second act, so we can really get into Lloyd’s head.

[blush-and-books]

always you-shaped thoughts inside my head

so, we found wonderland, the amazing fanfic by @pink-flame ended this week. as a result of my deep and sorrowful mourning, i wrote a fanfic for a fucking fanfic. yes, everyone, we have reached that point. so if you’re one of the unfortunate souls who hasn’t read it then you can start here and do not read this if you don’t want spoilers babes!!!!

anyways, i don’t want to talk about how much i cried when i wrote this. moving on. title from find u again by mark ronson ft. camila cabello and once again THANK YOU @pink-flame FOR THIS WORK, I LOVED IT, I LOVE YOU, ENJOY

A/N: the first part of this is a reimagining of a scene from the story, and the second part is more of a deleted scene. grab tissues if you’re one who cries easily. also tagging @bluefirewrites because i kept texting you while writing this

Julie doesn’t know in what timeline she thought that going to the bookstore would be a good idea. 

Even with her back flat against the wall and Luke’s book clutched identically between her hands and the palms of every other eager fan in the room, she felt like she was too close. Like this was a mistake.

She was the one who insisted they don’t look for each other. 

But here they were. Him, with a poem that crossed time with the silent, lost plea for her to come back to him; her, who chose to answer the call even if she knew she shouldn’t have. Julie should have realized that she couldn’t avoid him forever. Their paths were meant to cross in every universe. 

When he takes the stage, she doesn’t shatter. Yet. 

People are swamped beside her and Flynn on all sides, and she still feels like it’s just the two of them. Once he’s in her line of sight, it’s only him in the room, only him that exists. 

In a world where she’s jumped to and from across time, Luke may be the most real thing she’s ever known. 

The words he says as he reads and answers questions hit her ears as just a series of tones and syllables that are achingly familiar. He’s laughing through one of the book’s anecdotes and suddenly she’s back in the arcade, laughing with him at the pinball machine. He’s talking about the rush of playing their first sold-out show, and she’s back in the greenroom as he heatedly kisses her up against a wall after she spent so much time fighting for him to love her again. 

He’s reading about his parents, and she’s back on that pull-out couch that was only comfy when he was in it; listening to him whisper about their fragmented relationship. 

But then a 20-year-old pokes him about the poem. And he says he loves her -- well, not explicitly, but he says it’s about love -- and the other shoe drops. 

Tears inundate her eyes. 

“I have to go,” her voice shakes as a sob threatens to rip through her words. Flynn offers to join, but Julie needs fresh air and to be alone and to just let her tears fall onto the asphalt of an alleyway without feeling the need to explain herself. She will always be alone in these emotions, in this heartbreak, and that’s okay -- she just doesn’t want anyone to act like they get it.

So she passes her book to Flynn, urges her to get it signed, and flees out the side door. 

Right before she’s out, the 20-year-old presses on about Find Me: “Well, what if they came to you now? What if they found you? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them?”

The exit slams shut behind her and she doesn’t get to hear his answer. 

--

“Well, what if they came to you now? What if they found you? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them?”

Flynn watches intently as Luke’s eyes darken. The book feels heavy in her hands, and she feels like she is suddenly intruding on an intimate moment between Luke and Julie -- even with Julie gone. 

She didn’t always understand what happened with her best friend. But this was clearly a mind, body and soul situation. 

Luke has to clear his throat and blink rapidly before answering. “God, sorry, that one caught me a little!” The audience chuckles. “No one’s asked me that so far on this tour. That’s a good question. I probably think about it more than I should, but… I mean, first of all, they wouldn’t come and find me. I know them well enough to know that Find Me just… Went out into the universe with no expectation of a response. But if they decided too, I… I’d wanna make sure they were happy. And I’d probably thank them one more time for everything they did when I was younger. I would probably be in shock, honestly. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

Flynn is wiping her nose with a stray tissue from her purse before she can even register that she’s started crying. 

The random people in the back row with her send her strange looks, wondering why she’s getting so emotional, but hearing Luke talk about her best friend like that… 

“Do you still love them?”

God, this person won’t give him a break!

The rockstar visibly tenses up, and the easy grin plastered on his face breaks. That’s when his manager hustles onstage and announces that they are going to start the signing; and everyone needs to start lining up. 

Flynn has to fight to get farther up in line, but it’s worth it when she reaches him.

“Hi,” he smiles, “who should I make it out to?”

The word makes her tongue feel like lead. “Julie.”

His head snaps up, and he’s fully looking at her for the first time. There are a thousand Julie’s in the world, but he knows it’s his. 

“I’m her best friend,” Flynn continues, shifting her teary eyes down to her converse because fuck Julie wasn’t kidding when she said his eyes were intense sometimes. 

“Flynn.”

“Oh... She told you-”

“Where is she? Is she here?”

She’s not even looking at him, but he sounds so desperate, and the water in her eyes swells as she glances at the exit off to her side. “Not right now. But she wanted me to get this signed for her.”

Luke’s Sharpie doesn’t move across the inside cover. In fact, he’s frozen; staring off in the distance with what Flynn is sure must be a whirlwind of emotion that he didn’t ask for. Flynn isn’t sure how to handle it -- they’re in public, and she’s minorly concerned she just sent him spiraling, and they don’t even know each other -- but she feels the need to relay a message since he’ll never get to hear it from Julie himself. 

“She…” Luke looks back up at her; eyes boring into hers in a way that could tug the truth out of anybody. As she blinks, an enthusiastic tear drops onto her cheek, and she instantly lifts her index finger under her eye to catch anything else. “Fuck, my eyeliner. Sorry. Anyways-”

The words get caught in her throat again, so she has to take another deep breath. Helping star-crossed lovers communicate when they are almost thirty years apart is more emotionally taxing than she anticipated. 

“She’s really proud of you,” Flynn finally manages with a voice squeakier and higher than she ever wants to hear it again. Another tear falls from her other eye. “She loves y- your music, and hopes that you have everything you wanted and she’s so proud of you for everything you’ve built.”

At this point, the crumpled tissue in her hand has been helping her dry her eyes because standing in front of Luke Patterson and trying to tell him that the love of his life still cares -- still watches from afar, still wants the world for him -- is making her realize the emotional turmoil that Julie must have been feeling all this time. 

How did she do it?

In front of her, Luke is rubbing his hands over his face and audibly takes a deep, sniffly breath in. Turning to the same woman who got onstage to transition the event before, he informs her: “I need to get some air.”

“Luke, where are you-”

But he’s already forcefully pushing himself back in his chair, grasping the book off of the signing table, and darting out the same exit that Julie stormed through ten minutes ago. 

When the manager turns to look at Flynn -- she bolts away and towards the front entrance. If Julie and Luke are about to meet in that alleyway, she doesn’t want to intrude. Even if she already fucked up both of their plans to never see each other again. 

--

Julie is still hyperventilating and sobbing in the alleyway when the emergency exit loudly flings open against the wall of the bookstore. Her arms are wrapped tightly around herself with a childish prayer to have Teddy Luke in her arms, because at least then there would be a little piece of him to stay with her when the rest of him is gone.

She’s expecting Flynn, or an employee on their smoke break, but not-

“Luke.”

“Julie.”

A whimper leaves her lips at hearing him say her name for the first time in so long. His own eyes are glassy, and even though he’s so much older his eyes are still the same. He’s still her Luke, and that’s such a dangerous idea to touch in this timeline but she can’t let it go. 

“I’m so sorry,” she wails, trying to avoid looking at his heartbroken expression for too long. “I know, I said we can’t do this, I just-”

“Julie.”

“Did you want me to find you?”

Air puffs from his mouth in a harsh sigh as he takes a few steps closer to her; incredulously focused on the fact that she’s there, in front of him, real. “I- Of course, of course I did, Julie. I just didn’t think you’d come. But I wanted you to know I was looking.”

Her eyelids fall shut. More tears are pushed out, and she doesn’t know if she’s crying or laughing because of course Luke would look even when she told him not to. He respected her, and he respected her wishes, but he could never help himself from pushing the boundaries. 

Achingly, she’s always been so grateful for that trait in him. 

But now the two of them are awkwardly standing only a few feet away, and the urge to just feel him, assure that he’s solid in front of her is becoming all too real. 

Gravel rolls under the soles of her shoes. “I loved the book,” she confesses. “All of the stories. I mean, I’m sorry about the- About your splits-”

“I shouldn’t have even tried with them-”

“But everything else, just…”

How does she say it?

“When- Back when, in the other timeline, and you guys were ghosts… Those stories were the kind of thing you had always wanted. You were so determined to get it, and-” She sniffles. “I’m so glad you got it.”

His lips turn downward. It’s a flash of the familiarly frustrated Luke who is trying to make a tough decision, but in this case, she doesn’t know what that decision is. All she sees is the wince at her saying it was what he wanted, and how happy she was that he got it, and-

A conceited part of her contemplates if he’s about to correct her, tell her that life hasn’t been great, say that he would have rather had it differently; but he doesn’t want her to think her sacrifice was for nothing. 

Oh, God, please say he’s happy. She doesn’t think she could handle anything less. 

“It’s thanks to you,” he responds instead, gulping down any more that threatens to come up. “You saved me.” Beat. “Are- Are you happy? Is everything in this timeline okay?”

Well, in her head, not exactly. Of course she still had her dad and brother and Flynn, but Sunset Curve never stayed together, she erased Carrie’s entire existence, and everything felt just a little tilted on its axis. Julie felt like a stranger in a world of her own creation. 

She yearned for the days back in Wonderland where everyone belonged. They were a little scarred and a little broken, but they were home. Her house from the original 2020 timeline was her home. Luke was her home, and he was right in front of her; the only security blanket she has right now. 

Once again, she finds herself bursting into tears and wanting so badly to reach out to him, to give him a hug and tell him she wishes that she stayed in bed in Wonderland with him forever. She wants to jump back down the black hole and go back to 1995 when things made more sense than they did now and Luke could be hers again; and not a distant love that could never materialize in the present. 

Julie, miraculously, holds herself back. But watching Luke’s hands flinch at the sight of her crying doesn’t make things easier. 

“Please don’t cry.” His voice is a whisper but the words hit with a force that almost buckles her knees. “Julie, please, take a deep breath.”

She takes in a breath that makes her lungs expand into her ribs. “I’m happy,” she lies through her teeth as she breathes out slowly. “I’m happy. We’re happy.”

“Good.” 

Tears are running down his face. She recalls a time where it was easy for her to hold his face and swipe under his eyes with her thumbs until there were no more tears for her to kiss away. 

In unison, they clear their throats and shift their eyes. The air changes; they know they’re in a public place again, and Luke is an adult musician, and he’s with a fan. He holds his hand up, the one that has the book, and shakes it a little back and forth. 

“Flynn said you wanted this signed?”

A watery smile blooms on her face in spite of the bitter moment. “Yeah,” she nods. “Thought it could be another memento.”

To put emphasis on the idea, she lifts up onto her tiptoes and tilts her voice up. Make it a more positive moment. Don’t dwell. Stop crying. 

You can’t change things now. 

Luke pops the cap off with his teeth, and toys around with it in his mouth like it’s one of his marked-up guitar picks as he holds the book open and scribbles something (probably illegible) on the inside of the front cover. 

Then, once he’s done there, he starts flipping the pages around like he knows where every detail of the story is and marks up certain pages with… Something. She doesn’t know. After he’s made his wanted notes, he writes something out on the last page before firmly shutting it and returning it to her possession. 

“Thank you,” she smiles simply as she pulls the book from his hands and carefully assures that their hands don’t overlap. If she touches him, she falls apart. 

Luke hums in response. 

Stupidly, Julie decides that moment to open up the book and see what he wrote while he’s standing right in front of her. But she isn’t thinking about him, or looking at him -- she’s looking at the inside cover. 

We were always meant to find each other. Don’t forget that - please. 

Yours,

Luke

When a tear drops on the page, she quickly turns farther into the book because she doesn’t want her feelings to ruin his beautiful, even if messy, words. These words are all she’ll have after today. 

The few pages in the book that he made notes on were just little things that she never knew she needed to hear. 

The chapter about his first sold out stadium show? Thought of you the whole time

When he heard he was nominated for a Grammy? Wanted to call you first

The night he won his first Grammy? Almost thanked you in my speech

The last page he wrote on was the Acknowledgements page. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t that long. Luke kept a core circle of people and that was that. But below that short list, in bold, black letters:

To Julie Molina, who sacrificed everything so that I could be able to tell these stories. I wish she could have been a part of them. 

Her tears slip from her face so clear and quickly that she’s surprised her tear ducts are generating such a mass amount. The words replay in her head, in Luke’s voice, over and over. The affirmation that he wanted her with him all this time. 

But she had to go again. This had to be a one-time thing. This hurt too much for her to put either of them through it again, and besides -- now she had closure in his own writing; with her tears notarizing each word. 

“It’s time, Julie,” she mutters to herself. “It’s time.”

To say goodbye. Again. 

But Luke never answers. It’s dead silent, even though cars should be racing on the road behind them. When she looks up, Luke is frozen to the spot. Everything is, except her. 

“Time is a funny thing isn’t it? Just when you think you have a handle on it, it manages to surprise you.” 

It’s Willie, but not actually Willie. The one who was giving her the clues and trying to lead her in directions all over 1995; the one who she hasn’t seen in a really, really long time. For a moment, she doesn’t believe it. 

But he tells her that fate is in her hands. This is her choice. And despite the doubt that lingers uneasily in her chest, she can’t help but be desperate for this to be real. 

“Why not you? Who better than Julie Molina? Teenage girl with a good heart and music in her soul. Braver than most. Why not you?” 

Julie jumped across time to save her boys, and now she is willing to make the trip again if it means there’s a chance of saving them all. 

But there’s one more thing she wants to do. Just before everything either is perfect again or goes to complete shit. 

Spinning away from Willie, she takes a second glance at Luke’s still frame and softens her face into a smile. He had been looking down at her while she was reading his notes with tears in his eyes and a sad grin on his face. 

No one is looking or judging anymore -- so she stands on her toes and throws her arms around his neck, squeezing him close even if he can’t hug her back. She’s been dying to do this since she saw him in the bookstore. 

And it feels like coming home. 

“I’ll find you again,” she whispers into his ear that probably isn’t listening. “I promise.”

And without any more hesitation, she turns back to Willie with her chin up and shoulders back. 

“What do I have to do?”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The book never finds its way back to her the way that the bear does or the way that the ring does. 

But that’s okay, because the bookstore does, and she’s with Luke when she registers that they are walking by the bookstore on their way to meet everyone at one of their favorite diners. 

By now, Luke had been told everything. She felt herself starting to fall in love with this third Luke just as she had all the others, but could never tell if he was falling back in love with her. Julie found herself -- while this timeline was infinitely better than the old one -- pining for Luke to come back to her and love her like he did in two other lifetimes. 

Their hands were brushing each other’s on the sidewalk when the bookstore sign met her eyes. 

“Jules?” 

Her feet are glued to the cement; her eyes are glued to the alleyway. Luke approaches behind her and lays a hesitant hand on her shoulder. 

“Jules, are you- Is everything okay?”

“Can we take a detour, really quick?”

And suddenly, he’s letting her lace her fingers through his and pull him through traffic -- no crosswalk in sight -- across the street to stand in front of a bookstore that has zero meaning to him whatsoever. Julie selfishly revels in his calluses rubbing her knuckles and doesn’t make a move to let go unless he will. 

He doesn’t. At least, until they hit the alleyway.

“Julie, what is this place? Why are we out here? Is this… Did I like it here, or something?”

They never spoke much about the Luke’s of other timelines. Julie quickly caught onto the fact that he got uncomfortable when she talked about guys with his name and face that he knew virtually nothing about even though he felt pressured to know everything. 

But he dealt with her when she had moments like these. She never thanked him properly for it.

“It wasn’t like that,” she shakes her head, “we were here in the other 2020. The one where you were older, and this huge Grammy-winning solo musician. The one that was a result of what I did in 1995.”

The exit door is still rusty on the hinges. The brick is the same shade of red, and-

“Okay… And? What did you guys do?”

His use of third person is a clear message. “Him and I had made this promise in ‘95 that we wouldn't find each other, right?” “Because he would be old.”

“Yeah. But he published this book and had a whole signing tour called Find Me, and Flynn told me we should go, and… Basically, I had a mental breakdown at seeing him, and then he came back here and signed the book for me, and we talked, and-”

Her voice cracks. Her eyes feel wet. 

Fuck. 

Can’t she make it one timeline without sobbing in an alleyway?

A familiar hand rubs up and down her back as she stares, firmly, at the spot where her and Luke were so vividly standing and talking and pining for the other. 

“Jules, hey, look at me.” 

Because it’s Luke -- because it’s her Luke -- she listens to him, and rotates to face him. The soft fabric of his shirt hits her cheeks as he presses his fingers into the cotton and lifts his hand to wipe the tears from her face in a gesture that tempts her to cry more. Instead, she tries to laugh it off. “God, I really need to stop having meltdowns in alleyways, huh?” He stays quiet; looking at her in a recognizable Luke way that reminds her of all of their loving times in other lives. But she can’t get her hopes up. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like when I talk about it. Sometimes I just-”

“You need to,” he nods. “I get it.”

Her feet are planted identically where they were in alternate-2020. But Luke is in a different spot, because this is a new Luke. One that’s right in front of her, lightly holding her arms; not one that’s a few feet out of reach. 

“He told me that we would always find each other.” Her voice is watered down, and quiet, but Luke is close enough to hear it. 

“Well, he was right, wasn’t he? We did it. For like, the fourth time, according to you.”

And then, she’s hit with a Luke Patterson smile. She sees it all of the time now but it never gets old because he’s young, and he’s happy, and he’s here. 

Her lips turn up to reflect it, and in a shocking turn of events: Luke instigates the hug. 

They are nearly best friends, so they’ve hugged before. But this one is different. 

His arms fold around her shoulders and tug her close and snug into his chest so that his chin is nearly resting on her hair. This leaves her able to press him close to her with her arms wrapped tightly and lovingly around his waist -- almost, dare she say it, like he was a teddy bear. 

“I never said I’m sorry,” he murmurs into her forehead. “Or thank you, for that matter.” “For what?” “I’m sorry you went through so much for me. For us. It still affects you a lot and I’m sorry you have to carry that alone.” His chest rises and falls under her cheek as he takes a deep breath, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of feeling him breathe or hearing his heartbeat. “And thank you for loving us enough to do it. You sacrificed a lot.”

She is too choked up to verbally comment -- but she squeezes him tighter, almost tempting her arms to swish through him. 

They don’t. 

And Luke continues talking after a moment of a peaceful silence. “It’s kind of cool, though, for me to think about this person I have in the universe. You know? The whole thing with us finding each other. I always have you, no matter where I am. You’ll be out there.”

“Always,” she sighs into his chest, because she can’t help it. It took them a few tries, but here they are: In the same timeline, with full family and friends and lives, in a reciprocated hug. 

“Always.” Luke repeats the word, almost feeling it out in his mouth. “Well, thanks for doing it again. Maybe let me do the work next time. You need a break.”

God, this Luke is always so good at making her laugh. Ghost-Luke was, too, but the other Luke’s and her were always swept up in emotionally-taxing situations for her to be laughing like she could when she was with this Luke. 

It was almost as if this one had practice. Maybe those other lives were kicking in.

He was her final Luke, hopefully. 

As she props her chin up on his chest, she gives him the widest grin she’s worn all day. “I would appreciate that. Just don’t take too long.” Her forehead nuzzles itself into his neck as she settles herself back into his arms; fully content to be wrapped up in him for as long as he will let her stay. “I’ll get worried.”

A soothing hand over her hair is all the confirmation she needs. 

“Don’t worry, Boss. I’ll be there.”