#can we just talk about him taking on an expert swordsman?

[tamayakii]

Simonrileyscockring aka Maxim is a liar and claims frogchiro stole their ideas. Here's proof he lied.

@simonrileyscockring Now since you dont wanna acknowledge me or my post calling you out, i decided to make it its own post so more people can see it. I don't like liars. i don't like virtue signalers "dni proshippers" we interacted tons of times, i sent you asks, my own art, we talked in dms, i even checked on you when i worried about you and now you're worried about "proshippers" and realize the term i identify with, which means "anti-harassment, respecting peoples fictional preferences" and not whatever tiktok-brained bullshit you think it is? So convenient you say that AFTER i send you an ask asking if you were gonna acknowledge what the hell you did. edits: the only edits i did was "@/" Konigsblog cause they said they apologized and acknowledged what they did, whether or not the apology is accepted is not up to me.

original call out below: you absolute dunce. i LOVED your writing before but the drama on your page, responding to hate anons rather than just deleting their asks drove me off. I have so many words for you

EVERYONE can see your personal posts, they just don't LIKE them cause who the fuck wants to like a post that's a vent post? it feels wrong, people see it and choose not to react, people see you vagueing about someone stealing "your" concepts (which theyve written BEFORE cod fandom erupted on tumblr and aka before YOUR popularity) they'll want to know  cause stealing writing is very serious!! but oh wait!!! they didn't steal shit!!! They never wrote about a teenager, which btw when you say all this shit and show no proof it fucking sucks!! cause people are so tiktok-brained that they will believe anything!

Because you decided to pull a fuckin mean girl move with @/konigsblog you ruined someone's love for writing and this fandom. "no one got harmed" my fucking ass. You as a writer should know that motivation comes and goes, and that hyperfixtations can be the closest thing to people. So rather than acting like a fucking man, you vague and claim they wrote about a minor as well, btw heres the teenager you claim is well, a teenager

Scaramouche is a puppet made by Raiden Ei, over 500 years ago to the current time in genshin impact. When Raiden Ei's sister had passed and she wanted to make a puppet to be the archon but she left him in a slumbering state, free from her own control cause he came to life crying which puppets aren't supposed to do. He woke up and thought she abandoned him, then OVER 5 HUNDRED YEARS AND THREE BETRYALS LATER. The fandom baby-fies him admittedly, but he's not obsessed with his mother nor does he have a teenager mentality. He's a bitter and aloof character, only getting mad when his creation or betrayals are brought up,



"a teenager physqiue" Okay lets challenge that, In the game this model is called Short_Male, it been used for Cyno, Tighnari, Kazuha, Xiao, Albedo, Mika, Chongyun, Bennet, Xingqiu, Heizou, Gorou, Venti, Razor, and even the male traveller.(I'm gonna use basic terms since you obviously never played the game if you think he's child like) Cyno is basically an officer in the game for the Akademiya, aka an adult. Tighnari is basically like a forest ranger, an adult. Kazuha sails around the sea while being a poet AND a sword expert because of his family line, becoming an expert swordsman takes YEARS even in real life, he's an adult. Xiao is over 5,000 years old and a "deputy" for an Archon. Albedo is a synthetic experiment human made 500 years ago from the current timeline in the game. Heizou is also a cop, an adult. Gorou is a fucking ADMIRAL, an adult. VENTI is literally over 2k years old. an adult. The traveller is AT LEAST over a thousand years old, cause the traveller that you choose slumbers for 500 years.

The rest are hinted to be late teenagers or early twenties depending on who you ask.

I even took pictures of these models in-game compared to a Tall_Male model!

Here's scaramouche, compared to Diluc and Tighnari! who aren't children! Now let's see an actual model of CONFIRMED children, why don't we?

here we have klee, who despite being something like 50 or 75 years old, is still mentally a child!! So she has the child model since she is still physically growing up, unlike Scaramouche AND Albedo.

Scaramouche isn't a child. he doesn't have child-like features. He's not obsessed with his mother, cause he does not have one cause motherfucker is a 500-year-old puppet, he's mentally an adult, physically an adult that was prepared for archon duties.

Sorry, i droned on about this for so long but i just fuckkking hate it when people are wrong. So blindly like you are,

here's proof that you said that, incase you go on a deleting frenzy.

Now let's talk about the point system, point systems are so widespread in real life and in fiction, even i used a point system once before. So to see it, in a COMPETITION(cause they are in the pervy AU) between men isn't weird to see. If you genuinely had a problem with this, Kin would've LOVED to talk it out with you as they're lovely and understanding human being.

the stray cat au? i even remember reading about it on both of your blogs but heres the thing.... the last time they wrote about it was in October.. of last year.

i had to search your blog just in case i was wrong in thinking they wrote it before you did.

as you can see, this is march of this YEAR. checking your archive, you made your blog back in February of this year. To claim they stole your concept of stray cat is beyond fucking insane, as well as bringing up the post with scaramouche in it cause.. that was over at least 10 months ago, cause Kin had went on a hiatus when December came around and came back with a COD hyperfixtation.

Onto the stealing the hubull concept! Searching their blog I can't find any evidence of them even writing a bull-like idea, at all. So you seemed to pull that one straight out of your ass.

So let's go over this real quick! one more time for the people in the back!!!

@simonrileyscockring made a post vagueing that someone stole their concepts and ideas, @/konigsblog replies below asking, hey who is it? maxim responds saying its @frogchiro and claiming that they wrote about a teenager and stole their point system for an au. Publicly. Instead of going to Frogchiro and trying to work it out, like a 23-year-old should. You keep drilling on about it, claiming that people trying to defend them are being your entertainment now

sure some people shouldn't have come in attacking you, i won't defend people who throw cruel words at you. You can claim this to be an attack but all i'm doing is calling you out, cause as you claim "it doesn't affect the way you live your life" you let it go and ruin someone else's way of life, destroying their love for fandom and writing. As a writer yourself that ive SEEN struggle with motivation AND hate anons, you of ALL people should fucking understand that getting your love for writing ruined is a terrible thing to happen especially when its an outlet for stress.

"i wanna talk shit in peace, not have my shit gossiped about." .. that is noooot how the internet works OR how shit-talking works, as the biggest shit-talker in MY family, i understand that when i talk shit, there's another person behind me talking shit. When YOU post vagueing about someone, and then continue talking about them, people will gossip about you. End of story. You should've blocked them in the first place, you also should've messaged Kongisblog PRIVATELY if you really wanted to avoid all of them. The only screenshots that i know that kin was sent, were you confirming that they "stole" your ideas and that they wrote about a teenager. How can they refute your claims without knowing what your claims are. They had to defend themselves from people in their inbox.

So, really in the end here, you fucked up. As a previous fan of your im highly disappointed in you but seeing how you act i doubt that will affect you, i make this post-DEFENDING frogchiro from pointless claims, AND in hopes that anyone who wants to follow you. Will find this post cause you are a fucking asshole to the core. Step back and realize that while it may not affect you, your actions affect others.

[goddessofmischief]

      WHITE VEIL OCCASION - BUGGY X READER

A/N: This is part of this series, which requests are open for! These fics are all one-shots, so they can be read separately. Also, I highly recommend listening to the song linked in the title while you read.

"I need your help," you told Buggy, standing outside of his cabin door during an afternoon in the summertime.

"Okay," said Buggy immediately, then, a moment later - "Did you ask Shanks?"

You shake your head. Whatever it is, whatever you wanted, Buggy is now in.

"No," you said. "...I didn't think he would understand."

Now Buggy is definitely in.

...

"Really?" Buggy asked skeptically, adjusting to find comfort on the satin chair he sat in. "Why am I the guy for this?"

"Because I don't have any other friends," you said, carrying armfuls of wedding dresses back to the dressing room where he sat.

"You have Shanks."

"He's different."

"Why is he different?"

"You're vainer than he is," you said, admiring yourself in the mirror.

"Please, that pretty boy? Are you kidding me?"

"You know colors, fabrics. Face it, Buggy, you're the resident fashion expert. And don't you wanna help me?"

Damn it, he did.

"Fine," he said, waving his hand. "Show me the first."

You pushed the curtain back, revealing yourself in a puffy pink dress. You gave a little twirl. Buggy burst out laughing.

"Oh, that's terrible. I think you should get that one."

You turned red, closing the curtain again. Buggy groaned.

"Okay, I'm sorry, that was a little mean-"

"A little?"

"A lot - show me the next one, I promise I'll be nice."

Some two-hundred dresses later, you tried on a smaller one - short, pure white.

"It's not bad," said Buggy, not wanting to admit to you or himself that it was the best you'd ever looked. "It's not terrible at all."

"You think so?" you said. "But - I can't twirl in it."

"Oh, right. Not that one, then."

"What would Mihawk want, you think?"

"Geez, I dunno. Black?"

"Black," you repeated, contemplatively. "I don't think I want black."

Buggy was suddenly reminded of the pink dress from earlier, and how happy you'd looked in it. Sure, it wasn't precisely to his taste, but that didn't matter. The color was still ghastly, though. Damn it - maybe he did know as much about fashion as you'd suggested.

"Say, doll - did they have that puffy one in another color?"

"Yeah," you said, thoughtfully. "White."

...

"Thanks for coming with me today," you mumbled, legs swinging off the side of the cliff. You and Buggy liked to sit there sometimes, whenever you were docked at this particular island, it was 'your spot.' It was the place you two talked about things that Shanks, Mihawk, Rayleigh and Roger couldn't understand (which was a lot.)

"It wasn't as bad as I thought, I guess," Buggy said, refusing to admit to you that it had been actually kind of fun. "But, uh - you seem kinda sad, doll. If I'm not - if I'm not overstepping."

"You're not," you assured him, with a sad smile. "You're not. I'm just... scared."

"What do you have to be scared of? I mean, c'mon, you're engaged to the best swordsman in the East Blue, you live with the king of the pirates, and then there's Shanks, who's no slouch, and then there's, um, me. You got me."

"It's not that kind of fear."

Buggy thought he might understand what you were saying. Maybe. He'd secretly suspected that there had been doubt in you for some time, but had thought maybe he was unable to separate what was really going on with you from what he wished were the case. He wanted you to doubt. He wanted you to walk away from Mihawk.

"...I don't want things to change."

Ah, so that's what it was.

"Neither do I. I mean, it sure would be great if we could just live together and sail together forever, huh? But that's not really how it works. People grow up. People... die," Buggy said, thinking about Roger with a pang. He knew he didn't have long. There was little doubt in his mind that some time after your wedding, Roger would allow himself to succumb to his illness, and Shanks would take everything that was left, and Buggy would be alone.

Your eyes welled up with tears, and you rested your head on Buggy's shoulder, staring out at the waves. You threaded your fingers through his gloved ones, as if you wanted something physical to tether you to the moment.

"I don't want to lose you, Bug," you whispered.

"You're not gonna lose me. We'll still be best friends, same as ever. I'll come visit you all the time. And if Mihawk ever gives you trouble - well, I'll just kill him."

You laughed.

"Come on, stop crying, okay? I hate it when you cry."

"Okay."

"Okay," said Buggy, almost mimicking your exact soft voice. He squeezed your hand. You raised your face up to fix your gaze on him, as if an essential thought had only just occurred to you.

"Swear we'll always be best friends, Buggy."

Buggy laughed. You stared at him, bottom lip trembling.

"Oh, you're serious?"

"Buggy," you scolded.

"I mean, I'd like to - I really would - but I really can't promise such a thing-"

"Swear to me," you repeated. "Swear to me."

Buggy searched your eyes - you were dead serious.

You couldn't lose him. You refused to do that. You could sacrifice everything else but you refused to lose Buggy.

"Okay," he agreed, hoarsely. "Okay."

You nodded, satisfied, and tucked your head into his shoulder again.

...He needed to stop this wedding.

taglist: @sawendel @twinklesnake @literaturewithliz @sordidmusings @foggyturtleknightangel @toertchen @96jnie @lunanight1021

[takadasaiko]

Martin vs Wygar

[eirist]

In the Heat of the Moment

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot.

Rating: T

Note: For Day 3—Nami’s Day—of the ZoNa Days event (at @zonamievents). I’m already late but still posting it. It’s unfair if it’s only Zoro who gets an entry.

In the Heat of the Moment is by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds. I still have The Umbrella playlist to thank for being such a good company.

Summary: "You're getting sappy witch. Sounds like you care about me."

The rain hadn’t let up from the moment it began to pour down.

Which should not have been a problem in the first place… the Straw Hats have their very own weather expert-slash-navigator extraordinaire after all.

If only said weather expert-slash-navigator extraordinaire didn't get distracted, arguing with a certain green-haired swordsman.

"This is your fault!" Nami complained, rubbing her arms with her hands in a poor attempt to keep the emerging chill away.

​Somehow satisfied, she folded her arms across her chest as she sulkily glared at the rain which has now completely turned into a steady downpour.

​Luckily she was able to pull the man with her towards an alcove in the town's wall before they got drenched. It was an uncomfortable fit, as they were almost pressed to each other, but it'll do.

​Zoro was snarling beside her. "This rain is MY fault?" He huffed. "Right! It's my fault coz I absolutely can make it rain on a whim!"

Nami turned sharply towards him, glaring daggers. "If you hadn't gotten lost—" 

"I DON'T GET LOST!" 

"—like the idiot that you are," she continued ignoring Zoro's outburst, deliberately raising her tone and effectively drowning his retort with her shrill voice. "Then we wouldn't be stuck in here ZORO!" Her voice jumped another octave when she said his name. "In. HERE!" She repeated the words, making sure to emphasize them and hoping to drill it straight into his thick, dumb skull. 

"Tch! Then you shouldn't have followed me!" The former bounty hunter groused.

​"Besides, aren't you supposed to be good at predicting the weather?" He commented sardonically. "Shouldn't you have known that it’s going to rain today?" 

Nami gaped at him disbelievingly. ​And heat rose to her cheeks.

​She gave his shin a good kick for that.

​​"Ite!" 

​"I know that!" Nami practically shrieked at him. "That's why I followed you here to tell you about it! Is this the thanks I get from making sure you don't get your dumb self lost in this island while a storm is brewing?!"

"Again woman, I DON'T GET LOST!" Not the one to be deterred, Zoro raised his own voice to match hers. "And damn it! Stop kicking me!"

​"Bullshit!" The ever-feisty navigator exclaimed. "That a load of crap and you know it!"

​She angrily poked his chest with her finger. "If I leave you to your own devices... We. Would. Never. Find. You!" She punctuated each word with a prod on his torso. As if that would actually make the idea sink unto him. "I don't want Luffy and Chopper whining about how you are lost and that we should find you!

​Zoro grabbed her hand to stop her from poking a hole in him. Grasping it firmly he all but shouted back at her. "I will be fine! I will find my way back to the Sunny!"

“Hah! Fat chance of that happening!” 

​They were almost nose to nose by this time; all the while scowling at each other, both waiting for the other to back down.

Now only the sound of the rain falling heavily down the soaked earth can be heard as they continued their stare off. Along with the sharp intake of breaths coming from the two of them because honestly, their shouting matches can be quite arduous.

​As the glowering continued; Zoro thought he caught a glint, a spark from behind Nami's eyes before those warm brown orbs widened.

​In what could only be a realization that their current position is leaning towards… precarious. It was also not helping that his own eye had darted all over her face, taking in the flush on her cheeks. Despite it coming from indignation, she still looks...

 ... pretty.

​He almost choked at his thoughts. When did he turn into that shit cook?

Zoro inhaled sharply and realized what a wrong move that was. He caught a whiff of Nami’s signature scent. Sweet with an undertone of zestiness that reminds him of her mikan fruits at their peak of ripeness—that certain moment that makes you want to steal one so you can taste them...

​The color on her face deepened and Zoro wasn't sure if it was because she was getting angrier and angrier by the minute.

Or... If it was because she saw that his stare lingered for more than a second or two at her lips. ​"Screw this!" He grunted, instantly averting his gaze. He felt his face heating up and to get out of their rather 'awkward' situation, he immediately resorted to his favorite defense mechanism whenever he faces off against this orange-haired devil incarnate.

Losing his temper on her. 

"You are not my keeper woman!" He snapped at her before immediately stepping out of their sanctuary and into the rain.

That made Nami snap to attention. "Hey!"

​Without another word Zoro turn around and started walking away from her despite the torrential rain.

WALKING. AWAY. FROM. HER.

While it’s raining cats and dogs. 

 "Zorooo!!!" He heard Nami screeched his name, horrified that he would actually leave her alone. There was no way he was getting back in there with her. Not when it occurred to him that he was only a second away from grabbing her...

...and kissing her.

​He walked in faster strides when she called him again. He had to get away from her. He needed to get away from her.

Far away.

​Because honestly she was driving him crazy lately with all these thoughts of wanting to kiss her surfacing every moment whenever he was with her.  

And who knows what the repercussions are? This is Nami they're talking about. She would probably sic ero-cook and even Luffy if he dared to even try. Or rat him out to either Robin or Usopp or both.

Or charge him more than what his current bounty is.

He winced at that.

​For now he needed to get away and calm himself so he can reflect...

​There was no warning as something collided at his back, almost making him stumble down the wet ground.

Did someone just attack him?

​But the presence wasn't threatening, even if its arms were wrapped around his neck in a chokehold, throttling him.

"YOU DID NOT JUST LEAVE ME ALONE THERE RORONOA ZORO!" Nami deliberately yelled at his ear, probably making his ear drum shatter and rendering him forever deaf. In a split second the Supernova realized that Nami… had jumped him.

​"Hey! Get off witch!"

"No!" "Get off!" "I said no!"

​"Get off now or I'll--"

Her hold around his neck tightened. "Or you'll what?" Nami hissed right in his ear in a tone so dangerously low that an actual chill ran down Zoro's spine. He gave her arm a light slap, a silent gesture to loosen her hold because she was cutting off his air. When she didn't relent, he effortlessly bounced her up his back.

​With a squeak of surprise, her arms slackened and he was able to finally draw in some air.

Nami’s hands grabbed at his shirt in an attempt to prevent herself from slipping from his back. Zoro tried to shake her off him. But the cat burglar swiftly clung onto him by locking her legs around his waist.

His remaining eye widened at that. 

"Nami!"  ​ "Stop trying to shake me off Zoro!" Nami protested as she held on to him tightly. Her knee knocked against his katanas and he scowled. "Then stop strangling me damn it!" "You deserve it you ass! Leaving me alone like that! Wait until the others hear about this you brute!" ​ Zoro muttered an expletive under his breath. Nami is a real witch!

He can feel her sliding down his back again. She was having a hard time clinging onto him because his shirt and her arms and legs were all wet from the rain water.

"I'm charging you for all these Zoro!" She muttered against his ear, her breath hot against his skin… a stark contrast from the cold rain water falling down on them. "The hell you are!" He managed to retort. She was speaking from his blind side and even as he tilted his head, he cannot see her face or her expression.

The next thing he knew… her fist had descended on his head.

“The hell! Why did you hit me?!”

“Because you are a moron.”

“That’s it get off me!”

“No!!”

​They continued struggling against each other, right in the middle of the rain that was soaking them to the bone.

​And Zoro realized then and there that Nami was quite nimble. She had quickly managed to change her position from his back to his side with her legs still locked around him.

He really didn't know what to do with that information, except it's going to be really handy once he gets the chance to...

​​​Fuck! ​​ She had hit him on the head with her fist ​again.​ That’s twice already.  Why are her punches hurting him so much? Was it clad in haki?? "Argh! Nami stop it!" He tilted his head towards her so he can growl and glare at her all at the same time.

She just gave him a haughty serves-you-right grin.

In retaliation he bounced her against him again. 

​Which was a wrong move. Because all it did was rubbed her breasts against him and press her closer to him.

It was a good thing the rain was drowning them.   Though it did made her yelp in surprise. He’s good with that.

​"Argh! Stay still Zoro! I swear if you drop me down I'm going to—"

“To what?” His steely eye met hers. This time it was his turn to challenge her.

Nami’s hold around his neck tightened, probably because her grip on him was slipping again because she was just as wet as he is and also because she still wants to choke the shit out of him for leaving her alone earlier.

She lifted her chin slightly so she could gaze back at him even as the rain water continued trickling down her face.

Was it just him or Nami’s quite comfortable where she is right now?

He knew she was trying to give him the evil eye. But it was hard to do that when the droplets of rain keep clinging to her lashes and she had to blink them away in a manner that affects him greatly.

And there was it… that familiar glint, that spark he saw when they were back in the alcove taking shelter from this rain.

“Look Zoro,” she finally sighed. “I just wanted to make sure you will come back to the Sunny in one piece and not get stranded in this weather."

​Zoro blinked. He was not expecting that.

​Then his face broke into a smirk. "You're getting sappy witch. Sounds like you care about me."

“Y-y-ou!” She stammered.

He grinned at her as she sputtered, her face turn absolutely and adorably red.

To think, he actually high-tailed it out of there earlier with his tail between his legs all because he can't face the realization that he wanted this woman.

But there was no denying it now. Amidst this rain it was very clear. That was all he needed.

He finally decided to take a chance instead of running away from it like a coward. ​

He tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear. "You can punch me or charge me later Nami," was all he said before he pressed his lips on hers.

Her body jerked in surprised. His arm instantly wrapped around her waist to secure her as one of her hands grasp at his shirt tightly.

​He swore he heard and felt her murmur 'oh fuck' against his lips before she deepened their kiss.

​They pulled apart slightly for air. Zoro hauled her up a little and Nami was about to lean down to for another kiss…

“A-choo!”

They looked at each other in surprise. Nami’s hand automatically covered her mouth as her face turned red again… this time for a very different reason.

“Ehem!”

They both turn their heads towards the sound and saw an elderly man standing a few feet away from them under an umbrella.

He was shaking his head as he looked at them.

“You youngsters should just get a room you know. You risk getting sick doing things out here in the open that should be done privately.”

[morporkian-cryptid]

Today in "Elliott's Niche AF AUs": one (1) person asked me about this, sooooo...

Lupin III Discworld AU crossover headcanon pile thingy!!!

For those who don't know: Discworld is a flat world held on the back of four giant elephants on top of a giant turtle, floating through space. That world has magic, as well as trolls, dwarves, goblins etc... but in a way that's meant to subvert typical fantasy tropes.

Ankh-Morpork, the biggest city on the Disc, is a hotbed of crime, innovations, and innovations in crime. It is run by a council of guilds, and by a Patrician (a lifelong tyrant; he's elected by the guilds but he has the final say in everything). Notorious for having an Assassins', Thieves', Beggars', and Seamstresses' (sex workers) Guilds. Also notorious for its Watch (the police), which is actually surprisingly good at solving crimes. It's also the biggest immigration destination on the Disc.

Character backstories/situations:

Lupin : half-quirmian-half-agatean (Quirm being the DW equivalent of France), grew up in the Agatean Empire (DW equivalent of China/East Asia). He moved to Ankh-Morpork to follow Fujiko, and/or to escape Zenigata. He’s an illegal thief (meaning he's not registered with the Thieves' Guild), and his favourite hobby (besides just stealing in general) is screwing with the Guild. Commander Vimes, the head of the Watch, is supposed to catch him (or at least help Zenigata catch him), but he's secretly rooting for him because he dislikes the Guild slightly more than he dislikes Lupin.

Jigen : son of a couple of Agatean immigrants in Ankh-Morpork, grew up as a street urchin in the Shades (the most crime-ridden neighborhood of the notoriously crime-ridden Ankh-Morpork). He joined the Assassins’ Guild later in his life as a (mostly self-taught) sharpshooter, with a talent that outshone that of the Guild's best students. He later quit the Guild after he met Lupin (possibly had a contract to kill Lupin, and decided “screw this I’m going with him”). He can use any kind of shooting weapons, but favors crossbows. He’s tried stealing and using the gonne (DW's first and only firearm); it didn't go well. He somehow managed to learn one single spell from the wizards, the fireball, by becoming pals with Arcchancelor Ridcully (wizard, head of the Unseen University, and famous for his unfortunate passion for crossbow shooting).

Goemon : agatean immigrant/fugitive, master swordsman. He left Agatea because Fujiko stole his Zantetsuken and fled to Ankh-Morpork, so Goemon had to follow her to retrieve his sword. He then met Lupin and Jigen and decided to stick around. The Zantetsuken is a talking sword, and its personality is basically the embodiment of Bushido. It's extremely annoying (like all talking swords), but Goemon loves it. (it was probably his only friend back in Agatea)

Fujiko : agatean immigrant/fugitive. Ran away from the Agatean Empire chased by Goemon. She joined the Thieves’ Guild, but everyone confuses her for a seamstress because her technique usually involves seduction. She tried it on Vetinari once. It failed spectacularly.

Zenigata : agatean immigrant, part of the Empire’s police force, who came to Ankh-Morpork chasing Lupin. He only brought his assistant Yata with him, and has to cooperate with the Watch to have resources to catch Lupin. Vimes doesn’t particularly like him, but he’s good at his work so he can’t say anything (they're both too stubborn to get along).

Bonus:

Yata: Zenigata’s assistant, came to Ankh-Morpork with him, rapidly became great friends with Rufus Drumknott (the Head Secretary of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari). He has a bad influence on Drumknott. He also befriended Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, but then again Carrot befriends everyone.

Ami: She's a clacks operator. Clacks are basically the DW equivalent of telegraph. There's a group of clacks hackers called the GNU, so she might have joined them.

Albert: He's part of the Patrician's Dark Clerks (they're the secret services of Ankh-Morpork)

Rebecca: She's from Quirm. That’s all I have about her for now. (Quirm's the equivalent of France, but in the french translation it was made into an equivalent of Italy)

Random-Ass Headcanons

Lupin gets along like a house on fire with Moist von Lipwig (former conman and current postmaster, notorious adrenaline junkie), both figuratively and literally. Lupin and Lipwig sometimes team up on heists and rely on each other’s help, when they’re not busy competing against each other because Lupin keeps daring Lipwig to thieving competitions.

One of the contests’ goal is to steal Vetinari’s manuscript, The Servant. Fujiko wins. She wasn’t even in the race.

///

Fujiko quickly became friends with Adora-Belle Dearheart (Moist von Lipwig's rather explosive girlfriend), they get together every now and then to trash-talk their respective boyfriends.

///

For some reason everyone thinks Lupin is a werewolf. (it’s actually Jigen)

(maybe. I haven't yet decided whether or not he is. That would be a very good source of angst, considering what most werewolves are like, and also a very good source of domestic fluff if the whole gang has to adapt to the moon cycle and Jigen's transformations. Idk. Might be fun.)

///

Fujiko owns a horse golem (a gift from Adora-Belle or something she stole, we may never know). The Gang also owns a carriage, modified with a spell so it will drive faster, and they drive it completely carelessly. It has been destroyed and rebuilt countless times. (actually a bunch of spells, Lupin probably found a way to blackmail Ridcully so he could mod the shit out of his carriage. Or they rely on Jigen’s friendship with Ridcully)

///

Lupin uses swamp dragons as firearms (dialogue courtesy of @marquise-de-clarabas: Jigen: You stole a dragon??? Lupin: I didn’t steal him! He’s his own person and can make decisions himself! Dragon: I wanna steal). He has an alias and disguise entirely dedicated to visiting the Sunshine Sanctuary For Sick Dragons, and somehow became friends with Lady Sybil Ramkin-Vimes (Commander Vimes' wife, and the greatest expert on swamp dragons in the city, probably on the Disc). Vimes doesn't know about it, and Lupin finds the whole situation hilarious. He constantly makes jokes about how he’s playing with fire.

///

The Thieves’ Guild and the Watch are competing to catch the Gang, but secretly Vimes is rooting for the Gang (the Guild just hates them). That said, Vimes also hates Lupin (only slightly less than he dislikes the Guild), because he's always a little shit whenever he gets put in jail, and then he immediately breaks out.

///

Rincewind (famously bad wizard with a shit luck and a tendency to run from problems) once got arrested by Zenigata, because he got startled by him yelling LUPAAAAAAAAAN! and started running for the hills, making Zenigata believe he was Lupin in disguise. Rincewind is terrified of Zenigata.

///

Zenigata is actively trying to stop the Thieves' Guild from catching Lupin and Co, both because he wants to catch them himself, and because he knows what the Guild does to illegal thieves and he doesn’t want it to happen to Lupin.

///

Lupin stole Ridcully’s hat (custom wizard hat with a bunch of pockets, drawers, a crossbow, and a tiny flask of alcohol) as a gift for Jigen’s birthday. He also stole Lipwig’s hat (golden cap with dove wings), after which Adora claimed she didn’t recognize Moist (dialogue courtesy of @marquise-de-clarabas: Moist: C’mon babe, it’s me, your boyfriend! Adora, knowing full well who he is: I have never met this man in my entire life). He also raided the Assassins' Guild's armory/museum to get a birthday gift for Goemon.

///

About Jigen and the gonne (spoilers for Men at Arms) : basically, the gonne being such a dangerous and destructive weapon compared to crossbows, it has a nigh-magical attraction on people, and awakens and strengthens whatever lust for power, vengeance, blood etc they have. It basically controls its user and feeds on their convictions, addictions, wants, etc. The only person known to have resisted it is Vimes (because he's a stubborn mofo with a sense of morals you could bend iron on), and even he came damn near to losing his mind. (And Carrot, because... he's Carrot.)

Assuming the gonne didn't get destroyed in this AU: after they steal it, Lupin tries to use it, gets completely possessed/cursed (again) and accidentally tries to murder his friends (again), prompting Jigen to take it from him. Jigen then gets possessed as well, and they start fighting for the gonne, until Goemon just walks in, takes it out of their hands and takes it away. Goemon's completely unaffected by the gonne because 1) of his ascetic training and 2) "it is a filthy morporkian artifact and cannot compare to the noble art of the sword."

///

Zenigata often teams up with Angua (resident werewolf of the Watch), they get along very well. The Gang is very easy to track, they smell like a tobacco factory that has caught on fire.

///

Yata and Drumknott (Patrician's head secretary, and confidante, sort of) get together after office hours, and argue about whose boss is the best (because as we all know they both have a crush on respective bosses). One day Drumknott accidentally calls Vetinari “Sempai” after he heard Yata call Zenigata that all the time.

///

Lupin follows Lipwig’s example and steals all of Yata’s pencils every time he visits the Pseudopolis Yard (the Watch's HQ). Drumknott is fuming when Yata tells him about it.

///

Leonardo Da Quirm is butt-naked, because Part 4.

///

Something with vampires, probably.

///

tagging @carriagelamp and @mad-whoman-with-a-book00 because I know you may be potentially interested in this AU ^^

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #187

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making Yagyu Tajima-no-Kami Munenori, living proof that you can prevent spoilers by spoiling other things. Anyways, he’s an Inquisitive Rogue to defeat his foes with facts and logic, as well as a Samurai Fighter to defeat his foes with a goddamn sword because he’s in the saber class.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Domo Arigatou, Kaa-san Roboto

Race and Background

Yagyu beef is still a Human, but he’s a Variant Human for the extra skills. This gives him +1 Wisdom and Dexterity, as well as proficiency with Investigation to put that big brain to work. That’s not enough skills though, so grab the Skill Expert feat for another +1 to Dexterity, as well as proficiency with Animal Handling for your riding skill and doubled proficiency with Perception. I know we didn’t get regular proficiency yet, but it’s happening at level one so it’s fine.

Yagyu might have been as rich as a noble, but that doesn’t mean he was one. We’ve been using Mercenary Veterans for swordsmen for a while now, and I see no reason to stop now. This background gives him proficiency with Athletics and Persuasion.

Ability Scores

First up make your Wisdom as high as possible. Yagyu’s a clever boy, and wisdom-based skills are the more applicable part of that equation for you. Secondly, your Dexterity has to be good- Yagyu is a master swordsman, and he’s not exactly swinging a greatsword around. His Intelligence is also pretty solid, but it’s just lower since it’s not quite as directly helpful for the build. Yagyu’s Constitution isn’t half bad, he’s got to be tough to survive feudal Japan. That means his Charisma is pretty low- he’s scary, but not much else. That means we’re dumping Strength. He’s an old man, and we don’t really need it for the build.

Class Levels

Rogue 1: Starting off as a rogue nets us a couple extra skills, more than we’d get from multiclassing in later. Rogues start off with proficiency in Dexterity and Intelligence saves, as well as four rogue skills, like Deception, Insight, Intimidation, and that Perception we mentioned back in the Skill Expert feat. Told you not to worry about that.

They also get Expertise in two skills for double their proficiency bonus. Double down on Insight for more logic and Intimidation to put that logic to good use scaring the crap out of people. You also get a Sneak Attack once per turn, dealing 1d6 extra damage as long as you are using a finesse or ranged weapon and either A) have an ally next to your target or B) have advantage on that attack. It’s complicated, but we’ll make it real simple soon enough.

Oh yeah, you also get Thieves’ Cant. It’s a language.

Fighter 1: Okay, the underhanded stuff is done for a while. Bouncing over to fighter gives you the Dueling, adding 2 to damage rolls with a one-handed weapon, like a short-sword, which you can now wield since you’re proficient with martial weapons. You also get a Second Wind each short rest that will heal you as a bonus action. Taking a break when you need one is smart. You’re smart, so you take breaks when you need one. That’s the transitive property.

Fighter 2: Second level fighters can use all that break-taking to push themselves once per short rest, making an Action Surge to take two actions in a single turn. Fighting your hardest can also be the smart thing to do sometimes.

Fighter 3: Third level fighters get their martial archetype, and as a Samurai you learn to unleash your Fighting Spirit, spending your bonus action to gain some temporary HP as well as advantage on all your attacks for the turn. You can do this three times per long rest.

You also get History proficiency. It’s almost cheating given that you’re a historical figure, but hey, we had to get another proficiency here.

Fighter 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Dexterity.  Your sword uses dex, your armor uses dex, it’s just a really good ability to improve upon.

Rogue 2: Going back to rogue lets you stuff even more into a single turn thanks to your Cunning Action, letting you dash, disengage, or hide as a bonus action. I’m not saying you’re faster than a monk now, but you could definitely keep up with one for a bit.

Rogue 3: Third level rogues get 2d6 in their sneak attack, and they get their roguish archetype. as an Inquisitive, you gain an Ear for Deceit, so your insight checks to determine lies always get die rolls of at least an 8. You also have an Eye for Detail now, letting you spot hidden creatures with perception or find clues with investigation as a bonus action. You’re really getting a lot out of those things, huh?

Continuing the bonus action train, you can use Insightful Fighting as a bonus action, forcing a contested insight check against a creature’s deception. If you win, you can use sneak attacks against that creature for up to a minute without needing advantage or a nearby ally. Your fighting spirit has limits, but you can use this one as many times as you need- just keep in mind you can only target one creature at a time.

Rogue 4: We’ve got more feats we want, so use this ASI to become a Defensive Duelist. Use your reaction to add your proficiency bonus to your AC for one melee attack, potentially avoiding the attack entirely. You need to be holding a finesse weapon, but somehow I don’t think that’ll be an issue for you.

Fighter 5: Fifth level fighters finally get their Extra Attack, letting you attack twice per action. You can still only use your sneak attack once per turn, but now missing once isn’t the end of the world!

Fighter 6: You get another ASI now, so lets grab Keen Mind to show off how clever you really are. Your Intelligence bumps up by 1, and you’re really good at keeping track of yourself in time and space thanks to knowing which way north is and the number of hours left until sunrise or sunset. Most importantly, you have a photographic memory of the last month.

Fighter 7: Seventh level samurai are Elegant Courtiers, giving you proficiency with Wisdom saves to prevent your emotions from getting the better of you. You can also add your wisdom modifier to persuasion checks now. I’d prefer that to be intimidation, but if you can’t talk your DM into that it’s not the end of the world.

Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get an Uncanny Dodge, using your reaction to halve damage from one attack. Defensive Duelist would reduce the damage more, but even enemies score natural 20s sometimes. Also, your sneak attack grows to 3d6. It’s been a while, just wanted to make sure you remember that.

Rogue 6: At sixth level you get another round of Expertise; double down on Investigation to be a clever boy and History to prevent your party from repeating it.

Rogue 7: Seventh level rogues can deal more damage with 4d6 sneak attack, and they can avoid consequences of using that damage thanks to Evasion. If you fail a dex save you only take half damage. If you succeed, you take 0.

Rogue 8: Use this ASI to max out your Dexterity, giving you the most accurate and deadly swordplay available to mere mortals. It also makes your AC good as a side effect.

Rogue 9: Ninth level inquisitives gain a Steady Eye, giving you advantage on perception and investigation checks as long as you move at half speed that turn. It’s not quite Reliable Talent, but it’s still pretty useful. This also means your sneak attack grows to its final size, 5d6.

Fighter 8: Use your final ASI to bump up your Wisdom for better Insightful Fighting, Wisdom saves, and perception checks.

Fighter 9: Ninth level fighters are Indomitable, letting you re-roll a failed save once per long rest. Even when you fail a wisdom save you succeed it, that’s how solid your mind is.

Fighter 10: Tenth level samurai get a Tireless Spirit, so if you start a fight without any Fighting Spirit, you get one back for free. Also, your fighting spirit gets a bit better, giving you 10 temporary HP when you pop one.

Fighter 11: Your capstone level is simple, but effective. Another Extra Attack lets you attack thrice per turn, up to six times with action surge.

Pros:

With a maxed out attack stat and plenty of attacks per turn, you can dish out pretty consistent damage, especially if you use your fighting spirit to fish for critical hits. 6d6 per turn without spending any resources is nothing to sniff at.

As befitting any rogue, you’re also very skilled out of combat, lending insight and knowledge to the party.

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating- mixing a fighter’s health pool with a rogue’s damage reduction techniques makes for a very solid combo, especially when you throw Defensive Duelist in as well for an even higher AC and Fighting Spirit for extra health to chew through.

Cons:

You have great AC and some extra health in reserve, but that doesn’t change the fact that your HP is rather low for a front-line fighter. Your damage reduction makes up for it, but it’s something it has to make up for, you get me?

You’re too focused on your sword. It makes you really good with your sword, but not very flexible in combat. If you’re playing to character, you’ll have trouble with flying creatures and those that resist or ignore nonmagical attacks. (Assuming your DM doesn’t give you a magic weapon. Hopefully your DM’s nice enough to notice you’d be hosed without one, but for a guide like this it’s best to assume the DM gives you nothing.)

You need your bonus action to activate your fighting spirit, cunning action, eye for detail, and insightful fighting. Similarly, your reaction is split between opportunity attacks (which are super useful for rogues with their sneak attack), uncanny dodges, and defensive duelist uses. Basically, your main action is too simple, but everything else is really complicated for some reason, and you’ll have to sort all these options out for yourself.

Hey, nobody said being smart was easy.

[just-jordie-things]

67 with Zuko please.

prompt 67: when one person stops the kiss to whisper, “I'm sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more ___

Zuko wasn’t very good at customer service, that much was... apparent.

But (y/n) knew he was trying, he just wasn’t used to waiting on other people.  He’d grown up pampered, and never really learned to do basic things for himself.

Her heart went out to him every time he got someone’s order wrong, or he stumbled over his words, but on the other hand, (y/n) thought there was something adorable about the way he was a trained firebender and expert swordsman, and he could tell her everything about her posture that was unstately, and yet, the boy had a hard time remembering one order.

“They ordered Oolong,” (y/n) said sweetly, taking the pot that he was brewing and dumping it out.

Zuko gaped at her, about to protest that he was making Oolong, but she just as quickly showed him the tea he had been brewing was Ginseng.

“This is the Oolong” She corrected, and handed it back to him.

“Why don’t you just make it,” He grumbled.  “Clearly you know what you’re doing and I don’t” 

(y/n) rolled her eyes affectionately, and shoved the tea into his hands.

“You’ll never learn if you don’t practice” She tells him.

He remembers using those same words with her years ago, when they were just kids practicing their bending.  From the smirk on her face, he can tell she remembers too.

“Can’t I just get Uncle to make it-”

“No, you have to make it,” (y/n) says, her voice stricter.  “It’s not hard, Zuko.  And I’ll help you.  Also Iroh’s napping out back” 

He sighs, and gets to work, following her little instructions here and there.

(y/n) had gotten a lot more snarky and confident since they’d come to Ba Sing Se.  She was the way he remembered her when they were younger.

When she’d joined him on his little world mission on catching the Avatar, she’d caved into herself a little bit, spending more time with Iroh than she had with him, her best friend.  Although Zuko couldn’t blame her, he hadn’t been the greatest friend at that time- no one wanted to be around him back then.

But something had changed, and she was just as bubbly and sweet as she’d been before.  He knew that the change was his attitude, and that putting a pause on his little ‘honor chase’- as she’d called it- did wonders for their friendship.

He was even starting to think it was blossoming into something more, which... was diffrerent... but he wouldn’t mind all that much.

Now, when he looked at her, things were different.

Her hair looked softer, her eyes looked brighter, her lips, oh spirits, those lips...

“Zuko, it’s done,” (y/n) said, reaching out and lifting the kettle off the stove to silence it’s annoying whistling.

Zuko blinked and shook his head rapidly, zoning back into reality, while (y/n) was giggling and filling the tea cups.

“Where’d you go?” She asked teasingly.

“Nowhere” He muttered back, and she didn’t push it.

Zuko had been zoning out like that quite a bit lately.

“Well, it’s all ready, go ahead and take it” She said, lifting the tray and holding it out to him.  He made a face, silently begging her to do it instead.

She thrust it forward, and gave him a pointed look.

“Please?” He begs, and (y/n) almost snorted.

She thought she’d never see the day that the Fire Prince begged her for something.  

Azulon is rolling in his grave.

“Little customer service tip, just be pleasant, tell them you made it special, make up a lie that it’s your favorite, give them that dashing smile of yours, and you’ll be set” 

He wants to complain some more, but now he’s flustered by her compliment, and she’d pushing the tray into his hands and shooing him out of the kitchen.

As he makes his way over to the only customers in the shop, (y/n) watches him fondly from the window of the kitchen.

He followed her advice, and smiled as he approached the couple, setting the tray down at the table.

“Here’s your tea, Oolong, my favorite” He said in a cheery enough voice that it sounded out of character.

(y/n) covered her mouth to suppress a laugh.

“No” Said the woman, pushing the tray back towards him, roughly enough that Zuko struggled to grab it before it could fall off the table.

“Uh, no?” He responded, awkwardly.

“I changed my mind,” The woman said, looking up at him with her nose in the air.  “I don’t want Oolong.  I want something more refined.  Like Jasmine” 

(y/n) grimaced at the way the woman spoke, like she was better than him.  She knew just from the tone of her voice that it wasn’t true.

“Oh, okay, Jasmine,” Zuko nodded, lifting the tray again.  “I’ll be right back with that” 

“And don’t take so long this time!” The woman snarled.  “Don’t you know who my husband is?” 

Zuko glanced across the table to the man she was sat with, who looked tired of this act, but nonetheless raised his nose in the same way as his wife.

Actually, Zuko had known the man, he was a retired Fire Nation General.  He couldn’t remember his name, and luckily he’d never met him, but he remembered his face from an old book his Uncle had given him years ago.

“Um...” Zuko mumbled, not knowing what to say.

The woman just scoffed, and waved him off with her hand.

“Go on now.  My spirits these Earth Kingdom citizens are dunces-” 

“Excuse me?” (y/n) was walking out of the kitchen now, approaching the table.  She tried to keep herself collected and professional, but it was hard when she was boiling over with rage.  “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

“No, no problem,” Zuko said quickly, holding the tray in one hand and using the other to take hold of her shoulder, before she could surge forward and say or do something she might regret.  “I’m just going to go make Jasmine tea, now” He says, annoyed, but knowing things would just get worse if (y/n) went off on a couple of Fire Nation nobles.

“Jasmine, hm? Was there something wrong with the Oolong?” (y/n) asked the woman, shoving slightly against Zuko’s hold, but his grip tightened.

“Apparently it’s a simple commodity around here,” The woman said in her posh voice.  “And I requested something more meant for a person of my... class,” 

As she said the word, her eyes raked (y/n) up and down, before narrowing judgmentally.

“But what could I expect sitting in a tea shop owned by earth dwellers” She finished.

“Get out” 

“(y/n)” Zuko hissed in her ear.

“Excuse me?” The woman was flabbergasted at such a threat.  “Do you know who I am?”

“No, and I don’t give a shit,” (y/n) spat back, finally pulling out of Zuko’s hold to stalk towards the woman.  “And you don’t wanna know me either, so get the fuck out” 

Zuko was surprised that not once did (y/n) raised her voice, but the way she spoke lowly was almost worse.  He just knew there was fire in her eyes, and he was pulling her back again before the woman could see it too.

The woman hurumphed, before standing and directing her husband to follow.

“Fine, I would hate to be seen in such a lowly establishment anyways!” She declared, before the couple stormed out of the tea shop.

(y/n) let out a huff, a strand of hair flying off her forehead and into the air, before landing back against her face.

“You shouldn’t have done that” Zuko sighed, letting her go, and heading back into the kitchen.

(y/n) followed after him, brushing her hands together to rid them of nonexistent dust.

“She was a bitch-”

“She was still a customer"

“So what? She was being cruel to you for no reason, she needed to be put in her place” 

“That’s a sweet sentiment, (y/n/n), truly.  But I don’t need you to protect me” 

(y/n) turned to him and gave him a look, but he was grinning back at her.  That stupid shit-eating grin that turned her heart to mush.

“I wasn’t protecting you, I was telling off a bitch of a customer with a prejudice against Earth Kingdom people- stop looking at me like that!” 

“Like what?” Zuko asked, innocently, as he washed off the teacups and tray.

(y/n) crossed her arms, swiveling around on him to give him the same look he’d given her

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zuko shook his head at her dopey smile and fluttering eyelashes.  “I don’t look like that” 

“Yes, you do,” (y/n) giggles.  “That’s exactly what you look like” 

Zuko doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head, and focuses on the dishes.

(y/n) busies herself with organizing the tea cabinet, making sure everything is properly stocked and ready for the lunch rush in an hour or so.

“Thank you” 

Zuko’s voice breaks the silence, and she looks over at him, a little surprised.

“What for?”

“For sticking up for me,” Zuko says, like it’s obvious.  “And for trying to help me be... better” 

(y/n’s) brows furrow, because she doesn’t think that he’s only referencing the customer service.

“You’re welcome,” She replies, her voice barely above a murmur.

He’s focused on drying the dishes, and he doesn’t look up at her, but a small smile tugs on the corner of his lips.

“Zuko, are you... happy here?” 

“I mean, I’m not a fan of the waiting tables-”

“You know that’s not what I meant” 

He looks up at her, stopping his ministrations in drying off a teacup as he studies her face.

“Yeah,” He answers, his brows drawing together.  “I like it here,” He gives her a nervous smile as he continues.  “I like what being here has done for, um, us,” 

(y/n’s) brows lift in shock, and her heart skips a beat.

“I know that I wasn't a good friend to you-” 

“Zuko-” She starts, but he shakes his head.

“No I mean it, I- I’m glad we came here because we’re close again and I just feel bad that I wasted so much time...” He shakes his head, and (y/n) steps forward, taking the rag and teacup out of his hands so she can grab onto his hands in hers.

“I know,” She says sweetly as she squeezes his hands.  “I’m glad too”

It’s quiet as she looks him in the eyes, and Zuko realizes he’s started to zone out again the longer he looks at her.

She looks so pretty.  Her hair is starting to fall from it’s messy ponytail, and her cheeks were flushed from the altercation with the rude customer.  And her eyes were so bright, and round, and perfect.

As he looked down at her lips, her breath hitched in her throat, and she found her eyes were also wandering down to his lips.

It was a quick mood change, but the tea shop was empty, Iroh was out back, and they were the only two people left in the world.

(y/n’s) not sure who moved quicker, because they both crashed forward, their lips meeting in the middle in a heated and fast-paced kiss.  A whimper died in the back of (y/n’s) throat as Zuko’s hands released hers so he could grab her waist, and lift her up with ease.

Her own arms wrapped around his neck for support before he set her on the counter, their lips not parting once.

But then he realizes what he’s done, and he pulls away from her for a breath.

“I’m sorry,” He pants, and her eyes flutter open to meet his, wondering why he stopped kissing her.  “Are you sure you-?”

Before he could finish his question, she leaned back in and slotted her lips over his, her hands tangling into his hair and deepening their kiss impossibly so.

“You talk too much,” She murmured against his mouth.  “Just kiss me” 

It was a good relaxation method before the busy lunch rush for sure :) ___ xoxo ~ jordie

[aceofwhump]

The Weeping Monk’s attire- a summary

Okay so I may have just spent two days studiously researching medieval clothing and comparing it to images of the Weeping Monk (thanks to farfarawaysite and danielsharmanews.com for those great hd images!!), trying to figure what exactly he's wearing so I can accurately describe it in this very small scene in my Cursed wip in which Gawain has to take off some of his clothes in order to assess the man's injuries after he passed out from pain. #noregrets

I found out some interesting things (at least this history nerd found it interesting) so here it all is under the cut. (It’s more interesting than it sounds, bare with me. This got looooong.)

I apologize that this is not at all remotely whump related but I’ve been talking about him a lot on this blog and it’s related to the whump fic I’m writing so.... yeah.

Under a cut for the length

Note: I am by no means an expert so I apologize if anything is incorrect

First up is your base layer consisting of a linen undershirt, as seen in this on set photo of Daniel wearing the cloak and undershirt (photo courtesy of farfarawaysite.com), and historically linen underpants (called braies). This was typical “underwear” for the medieval period.

You can also see that undershirt in this photo (from danielsharmanews.com) if you look inside his sleeves

Next would the medieval equivalent to trousers, called hose, which would look something like this. The hose were attached to the braies with leather or cloth cords.

Sexy am I right? But because this is a tv show, he’s actually wearing trousers as seen clearly in this shot (from danielsharmanews.com)

And in the video where the weeping monk aka daniel sharman teaches us how to make a cup of coffee in medieval times

And this collage of him kicking the crap out of arthur and gawain (photos from danielsharmanews.com)

Then throw on a pair of boots over that.

Next up is the arming doublet/gambeson/aketon

This part was kind of tricky. At first I thought he was just wearing a tunic but upon closer inspection I could tell he wasn’t. The sleeves we can see appear to be thicker than a typical tunic. So I did some research and found these three garments (the names of which are debated on as they seem to be used synonymously at times)

I believe Lancelot is wearing an arming doublet over his linen undershirt instead of the gambeson or aketon.

What are those things you may be asking? Good question! Let me explain.

A gambeson was a thickly padded garment meant to be worn as standalone armor. It was made of either linen or wool and made with a quilting sewing technique so that fabric could be added in it to make it padded, usually 10-20 layers thick.

Meanwhile, an aketon was a thinner padded garment than the gambeson, about 5 layers thick, and was made to be worn under maille as padding against blunt trauma. An aketon might have also been worn under a gambeson and these two names are sometimes used interchangeably.

They look like this:

Since what Lancelot is wearing clearly isn’t that thick, I am under the impression that he is wearing an arming doublet which was much more popular in the 15th century while the gambeson and aketon were earlier.

Arming doublets were typically thinner and worn underneath plated armor. Arming doublets were not quilted like the gambeson or aketon and looked more like civillian tunics or jackets. Maille could be attached to most doublets or you could wear plate armor over it. It was also shorter than the gambeson or aketon. They weren’t too different from typical civillian tunics just made a bit thicker. That also meant that they didn’t provide too much protection without the plates attacked. Still, it was something.

An example of an arming doublet:

You can see Lancelot’s doublet better in this photo (from farfarawaysite.com). You can see the color difference and the thickness of the sleeves here.

And I’m posting this photo again because you can really see the thickness of the doublet sleeves in it

And with this one you can see the shoulder seams better (photo from danielsharmanews.com)

For comparison’s sake, Gawain wears an aketon, the type of quilted padding that goes on under your plate armor, with removable sleeves. You can see the thick padding, quilted sewing technique, and the difference in shape versus what Lancelot is wearing.

(photo from farfarawaysite.com)

Next up, Lancelot has on a surcoat (also spelled surcotte or surcote). A surcoat is a long sleeveless outer garment that goes over your head and reaches just below your knees. It also has slits in the bottom front and back so the wearer can move and ride easily. It is typically worn over your plate armor and depicts your coat of arms but it was also worn as civilian clothing.

Example of a surcoat:

Lancelot is clearly seen to be wearing a surcoat over his arming doublet.

(photo credit: danielsharmanews.com)

(photo credit: farfarawaysite.com)

And if you look close enough, you can see that there is a cross on his surcoat

And here’s a shot of the ties on the side:

And then, to finish up his ensemble, The Weeping Monk dons his signature cloak and straps on his swords (One long Paladin sword and a shorter dagger).

(photo credit danielsharmanews.com)

In summary, The Weeping Monk wears:

Linen undershirt and pants (called braies)

Hose/trousers

Boots

Arming doublet

Surcoat

Cloak

Swords

So the feels I got from all of this is that the surcoat and the arming clothing were most commonly worn not by your average dude and definitely not by monks. They were worn by.....

*drum roll*.....

KNIGHTS!

That's right! Knights are the ones who wore a surcoat over their armor and a gambeson/aketon/arming doublet went under your chainmail or plate armor. Most recognizably the knights during the crusades wore bright white surcoats with big red crosses in them on top of their plate armor. They are the ones who made them popular and afterwards knights began to wear them and had their device emblazoned on the front so people would be able to identify them. That's what led to the medieval coat of arms btw.

So the weeping monk is out here wearing garments that knights typically wore, with a cross emblazoned on the front so people could id him as the weeping monk as if the hood and eyes wouldn't already do that, instead of typcial monks robes. He’s wearing an outfit that 

But if that's not foreshadowing I don't know what is.

THE WEEPING MONK IS WEARING THE TYPE OF GARMENTS THAT A KNIGHT WOULD WEAR AND I’VE GOT FEELS OVER IT!!!

It makes sense that he would wear something that offered a bit of protection since he's a master swordsman and needs to be able to move efficiently and be protected but come one. Knight’s garments. Lancelot. In knight’s garments.

And then I got to thinking about how he’s wearing a doublet but is not wearing any maille or armor which makes the doublet pretty ineffective and I got to wondering why. Like Father Carden gave him the doublet but nothing else because “If your enemy is able to land a blow then you deserve the pain from it” or something and then I got sad.

And thus concludes my extremely long and unnecessary ramble on clothing.

[dragonbabezee]

Fictional Crush Series No.7

Have we made it to the 90′s yet?  We have!

What’s this you say?  The Outlander series didn’t premier until 2014?  Well!  There just happens to be an antiquated technology called books in with this particular tale was first created.

Let me set the scene.  It’s 1993.  I’m at the library with my dad.  I feel like I’ve read the entire YA section, and I’ve run out of David Eddings and Anne McCaffery books to read.  I complain to my dad that I have sucked this library dry.  He reaches into the Returned Today Shelf of unsorted books and grabs one at random.  “Here, you haven’t read this yet.”  It was this, a first edition copy of Outlander:

Perhaps he though it was an historical novel set in the highlands.  It kind of is...?  

To prove to him that plucking ugly books at random off the shelf was no was to pick a quality read, I read it.   First came intrigue, then delight, then fascination and compulsion, then welling tides of love and lust, and the feels! So many feels!

For those very few who are still unfamiliar with the Outlander universe, it’s a genre-bending book and series, especially the first three books, combining historical fiction, time travel, romance, blood, gore, sexual violence, medical ickiness, touches of mythical fantasy and magic, mystery, and a big slabbing helping of hot sexy sex.  

https://www.deviantart.com/aryundomiel/art/the-heart-asks-pleasure-first-181601743

Oh, and this hunk of red-blooded, red-haired Scot!

That means “I am ready” for everyone who doesn’t read French or hasn’t read the book.  I was 15.  I was ready.  My parents may have disagreed if they had known what was behind that twee bookcover.

James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser, Jamie to some, and JAMMF to the old school fandom.  Oh course, now we have Sam Heughan to envision Jamie as, but back in the day we used a read words off a page and picture Jamie et al in our minds.   I don’t think they did a bad job of casting Jamie.  Sam is of course, too short, and his hair is not red enough, but I give it a pass.

What makes Jamie Fraser a worthy subject of a lasting fictional crush that rocked my world?  He is an enlightened and modern thinker of the Enlightenment era, meaning that he does still kinda believe in witches and faeries, but also in science, and can eventually be persuaded to not beat his wife for wrongdoing (after a knife to the throat).  He is a soldier, a mercenary, an expert swordsman, can ride any horse, even a demonic stallion that no one else can master, a farmer, a landlord, a leader of men, a student of science and progress, a virgin at the beginning of the first book, and a sex-god by the end of it.  

Packaged in a 6 foot 6 Viking-esque warrior’s body, like a red-haired, blue-eyed demon set on Earth to sway our time-travelling heroine Claire off the path of marital fidelity.  It could be said that he is the ultimate Gary Sue.  He does have flaws though, mostly pertaining to pride and being a man of his day, even if he is a progressive one.  He is the prototype that launched a thousand Highlander romance novels.

The most singularly swoonworthy thing about Jamie though is how much he loves his woman.  The end.

https://www.deviantart.com/ellaine/art/Blood-and-Bone-567354322

https://www.deviantart.com/ellaine/art/Wild-strawberries-576708467

You want more detail?  Oh, fine, SPOILERS AHEAD.

He will save his wife from his worst and most feared enemy, armed only with an unloaded pistol, even though he thinks she’s probably an English spy bent on turning him and his folk as traitors to the crown.

https://www.deviantart.com/lehanan/art/Outlander-Take-your-hands-off-my-wife-486871484

He will single-handedly rescue her from the midst of a witch trial that is in the process of condemning her, even though he’s fairly sure she really is a witch.

He will trade his soul and his body to keep her alive.  He will believe the insane truths she tells him, and based on them, betray his kin and his King.  What impressionable young hetro woman doesn’t want that level of devotion from her man?

At the opening of the book, Jamie has already been through a lot - imprisonment and two disfiguring floggings, exile, the soldiers life. near starvation, serious head injury, family intrigue, the death of both his parents....and he’s only 22.  And yet, Jamie is still fairly optimistic character, aside for when he or his wife are getting tortured, raped, nearly killed etc.  He’s not one to wallow unnecessarily in his Man Pain.  Until he is, and then grab the popcorn and watch Claire drain the pool.

While we’re here, I’d like to point out a few unexpected treats and differences that I got from the show that I didn’t get from the books.

1) Jamie’s knees

2)  The flogging and several other violent scenes that were disturbing enough in the books became Extremely Uncomfortable and Upsetting Viewing.  If you’ve seen the show or read the books you probably know what scenes I am talking about.

3) they didn’t hold back on the sex scenes.  Many gifs from the various scenes would get this post removed from Tumblr.  Many were so hot I was blushing whilst watching it alone.  DO NOT WATCH WITH YOUR PARENTS.

I have read all the books of course, though I mainly concentrated on the first one here, the one that spawned my crush.  IT was a couple of years before I got my hands on books 2 and 3, and the fourth one hadn’t been written yet (I did get to go to a book signing and have my copy of Drums of Autumn signed by Diana Gabadon, Herself!).  My parents remembered my love for the series, unfortunately, and tried watching the TV when it came out.  My dad finally saw the error of plucking a book at random from a shelf to give to his 15 year old daughter to read.

[jokerfan99]

My Top 10 Favorite Anime Heroes (Updated) by DarkChild316

“Guess who’s back…back again! DarkChild’s back, with 10 more friends!” LOL, sorry for that lame-ass joke, but I was listening to some Eminem earlier today. Anyway, my terrible sense of humor aside, I thought it would be a good time to give my list of “My 10 Favorite Anime Heroes” an update, figured since I did one for the villains I thought shit, might as well do one for the heroes too! Now once again, this list is strictly for the men only, if you want a list of my favorite anime queens, check out my list of “My Top 10 Favorite Anime Heroines”. But in the meantime, enjoy this updated list of my favorite anime heroes:

#10. Izuku Midoriya (My Hero Academia): One of the newest (and quite literally) entries on my list, Deku is a character who dreamed of becoming a hero in spite of being born without a Quirk or any kind of powers in a world dominated by heroes with them. Only to be chosen as successor to the greatest hero of the age, All Might. A humble yet caring fanboy at heart, if All Might represents the Golden Age of heroes, then Deku represents the future of heroes in the Modern Era. He may be a socially awkward cinnamon roll at the best of times, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that he’s not willing to stand up and do what’s right when the chips are down and the world needs a hero to stand for, no matter what form of villain is in the way! The only reason he doesn’t rank any higher on this list, is because he’s still relatively new to the scene and time will tell where he stands in the Patheon of anime legends.

#9. Inuyasha (InuYasha): He’s half dog-demon, half human: put it all together and what do you get? A sword-wielding hybrid who knows how to take care of business. Originally wanting nothing more than to become a full demon, his human heart trumped his selfish desires, leading him to fall for the modern-day schoolgirl he vowed to protect. Fighting through feudal Japan to recover fragments of the Sacred Jewel, InuYasha can be both cold and rude, yet heartfelt and compassionate. Plus, he makes us all laugh whenever we see this happen.

#8. Alucard (Hellsing): There have been a shitload of vampires in modern anime, yet all of them owe their debt to this tall, dark, well-dressed man. There has never been a vampire as delightfully sadistic as Alucard but unlike most vampires, there’s a method to his sadism that makes him truly brilliant. He isn’t truly evil, he’s just a monster who revels in destroying other monsters in any sadistic way he sees fit. And he truly revels in it, making his victims (most of which are evil Nazis and powerful demons) believe they actually have a chance by damaging them before regenerating and wrecking them in devastating fashion. This isn’t to say he’s totally heartless though, as he’s shown a great deal of fondness for the members of his team who are just as devoted to ridding the world of the evil forces that threaten it. Even though the anime version of Alucard mentions that he doesn't entirely understand humans anymore, he seems happy to work in the service of them, and to protect them from devils who aren't as honorable as he is.

#7. Kenshin Himura (Rurouni Kenshin): When I was a kid, Rurouni Kenshin was my favorite anime growing up and Kenshin was my favorite character. Having had a chance to revisit this anime recently during lockdown reminded me once again why that is, Kenshin is easily the most compelling character I had seen growing up as a kid and he was a refreshing change of pace in the samurai genre. Firstly, he was quite feminine to the point that many mistook him for a woman. He was also one of the politest characters in anime history, frequently putting others before himself and speaking to them with the utmost respect and patience. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think the guy would be better suited as a florist that a samurai. But underneath that smiling exterior hides a dark secret, Kenshin is a man haunted by the demons of his past. A former mercenary who killed countless foes, he makes a vow to never kill again, and is repeatedly tested on that vow time and time again as less virtuous people endanger the country’s peace. When Kenshin's hand is forced, he can go to incredibly dark places and fall back into the habits that made him known far and wide as the most fearsome swordsman in the land. Although Kenshin’s momentary lapses make him a complete badass and set the stage for some of the most epic sword battles ever animated, Kenshin always goes back to his sweet persona once the danger is gone. But in his solitary, quiet moments, he's gripped by his greatest fear; that one day he will permanently revert to his former self and become a manslayer once more.

#6. Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop): I’ll admit, it had been a long time since I’d seen Cowboy Bebop, so naturally I had forgotten about how cool a character Spike Spiegel was. Thankfully, this pandemic has allowed me to revisit it, and I find myself being just as in awe of Spike as I was when I was kid in the 90’s, he’s that awesome a character folks! Spike was an amalgamation of influences (from Bruce Lee, to Lupin III, and a little dose of film noir), and the result was a creation greater than the sum of its parts. In a series like Cowboy Bebop, which was itself a combination of cultural influences from around the globe, Spike was the essence of the story. Voice actor Steve Blum launched his career into new heights when he gave the performance of a lifetime in the English dub of the series, giving Spike a sense of smooth, effortless cool that many argue surpassed the original Japanese version.

Spike proved to be a versatile character; he was an expert pickpocket, a gearhead who worked on his own spaceship, a clever detective, a badass fighter, and even a bit of a philosopher. But what made Spike most interesting was his past as a gangster, and a man hopelessly in love. His relationship with Julia, and the tragic end of that relationship, haunts him throughout the series and shows us what truly mattered to him all along. When Cowboy Bebop reaches its powerful conclusion, Spike goes out in a blaze of glory that is unmatched in the history of anime (all I have to say is “Bang”).

#5. Ichigo Kurosaki (Bleach): The first of the shonen “Big 3” to appear on my list, you’d think being born with the ability to see ghosts would be enough, but not for this high-school bruiser. After a fateful encounter with a Shinigami, Ichigo gains the power of a god of death, and is tasked with defending his home from the malicious spirits known as Hollows. As his seemingly endless battle stretches to other planes of existence and some truly frightening enemies, both Quincy and Hollow, this orange-haired swordsman will keep fighting to protect what matters most to him no matter what.

#4. Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece): The second member of the shonen “Big 3” to make my list, this straw-hatted rubber-man takes my vote for his carefree spirit and his big heart. With the dream of grabbing the title of Pirate King, Luffy is a man who thinks with his stomach and fists rather than his head. Always in the pursuit of adventure, this happy-go-lucky guy may be the last person you consider when you think pirate captain. But you’d be wrong: You mess with Luffy’s crew and he’ll declare war on the entire world to save them.

#3. Naruto Uzumaki (Naruto): Talk about a rough childhood. After having a powerful demon sealed inside of him, Naruto was a social outcast in the shinobi village he grew up in; even though people despised him for being the vessel for the Nine-Tailed Fox demon he did not take the darker path in life nor did it deter him from pursing his dream of becoming the village leader to gain the respect and admiration of those who once shunned him. Naruto’s growth as both a ninja and human can be seen throughout the series,  as it was this good nature of his and the will to protect everyone close to him that slowly changed the attitude of people towards him as the bonds of friendship he forges make his dream worth fighting for.

#2. Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist): Wildly ambitious, wickedly smart, and wise beyond his years, Edward Elric entered the stage with a fresh, but interesting take on the modern shonen anime hero. Unlike those who came before him, he wasn’t this lovable idiot with a heart of gold. He was smart, calculating, arrogant, and shrimp sized. But most daring of all was the fact that Edward is technically handicapped, having had both an arm and a leg lost in a tragic accident fueled by love and hubris. In Edward we had a character who unlike most anime heroes was truly multidimensional. He could be comedic and pull off wild takes and sight gags. He could be placed in the most tragic circumstances and portray the deepest kind of sadness. He could be a complete badass, but he could also be the nicest guy on the planet. And most of all we saw Edward discover harsh truths about the world and learn that he didn’t know nearly as much as he thought he did.

#1. Son Goku (Dragon Ball): With the greatest respect to those like Luffy and Naruto, none of those characters would have ever been possible without this man (and the creators of One Piece and Naruto have even admitted this themselves). The prototype for shounen lead characters, Goku was somewhat of an anomaly back in his day. When the plucky, pint-sized kid Goku first appeared in Dragon Ball, the trend for male heroes was to have larger than life muscle heads (which Goku ironically turned into in his adulthood). Goku also grew up; another drastic change in a time when characters rarely changed much. But Dragon Ball Z is where Goku truly earned his fame. Goku isn’t even the most popular character in DBZ sometimes, but he is the foundation of the series. His heroism, strength, and dedication make him the perfect core for a kid’s show where the themes are meant to be pretty simple. He may not be the most complex character in anime history, but he’s perfect for the goal he was meant to accomplish. But Goku isn’t my top hero so much for his character complexity; it’s his influence that cannot be denied. He was, in many ways, a character that bucked the trends of his time and defined the direction of shonen manga/anime for decades, and that's why he's my #1 anime hero of all-time.

So that's my list, what did you guys think about it? Love it, hated it? Go on and tell me what you think and let me know who your favorite anime heroes are. See you soon!

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/darkchild316

[gildedmuse]

SWORD: A Kenshi To English Phrasebook

By this point, I've watched more than enough One Piece - with an emphasis on certain characters' scenes in particular - that I consider myself a bit of an expert in the language of swordsmen. And since it's such a beautiful, though often misunderstood language, I thought I could offer my services by translating a few scenes in which our swordsmen appear, starting with some beginner level expressions and working up through the more advanced phrases.

The first thing keep in mind, when translating from Kenshi, context is incredibly important. For instance, in the particular example, this has just happened:

So, yeah, kind of a big deal here seeing as it is the driving goal behind their journey. You would expect everyone to be openly celebrating and full of excitement.

And since this is the Strawhats were talking about, you'd be dead ass right.

A couple of quick observations:

How in the world did Brook miss this opportunity to declare the prospect of finding Raftel to be so exciting that he could die. Except that he's already dead.

Yohohoho

Chopper is just so fucking exciting to be hanging out with the older kids, you guys. I mean, his big dream is to be a doctor who can cure any illness and seeing as the One Piece (probably) isn't a magical wish granting genie or the ope-ope no mi, going to Raftel isn't actually all that helpful for him. But look at his little face! Look how excited he is that they might have a chance to track down the One Piece! This little deer is overjoyed to be going on yet more adventures with the coolest people he knows, it's that simple.

Chopper is just too cute

Franky, if someone had asked me to predict how you'd react to this news that is exactly what I would have guessed. Seriously, here is to Franky for always being himself and for loving his life out loud and proud. You're doing ⭐SUPER⭐ babe, but then you already knew that.

A Sword By Sword Comparison:

Holy shit, you guys? Did you see that?

In case you somehow failed to catch it, Zoro's default expression of generalapathy and/or vague annoyance lifted for just a second there and turned into a slight smile. Not just a smile, but like then cutest little smile just about ever.

In swordsman terms, the boy night as well have victory punched the air before grabbing Luffy without a seconds thought, swinging him around before pulling his captain into a hug because he's unable to contain his excitement.

What I'm saying is: that smile is basically everything.

Look, after getting some proper lessons in how to be a badass swordman for THE badass swordsman, Zoro has really cut down on things like childish fun, physical signs of affection and, you know, facial expressions that aren't either based in annoyance or bloodlust. And like Chopper, Zoro's end goal isn't tied to Raftel. Travelling there helps him, bit only in that it means they're continuously pissing off stronger and stronger opponents. But that doesn't really matter because we all know that about one week into his journey with Luffy, Zoro went from "get in my way and I'll kill you myself" to "I will gladly die in a pool of my own blood if it means protecting you and sparing you any pain."

That smile there? That is entirely for his captain. Oh, and because he absolutely knows getting those poneglyphs is going to bring them a massive amount of trouble, and Zoro is the sort of boy who is into that.

Law, on the other hand, is absolutely aware that getting those poneglyphs is going to bring them a massive amount of trouble and is keenly aware that, unfortunately, there are those among the Strawhat crew that are into that.

Though it's important to note that there is a lot more there than simple annoyance. You can tell because while he appears to be glaring, he's not actively glaring AT anyone. One difficulty many people experience when first learning the Kenshi language is just how many phrases sound like ~*glare*~

[While they may appear the same to many beginner speakers, our swordsmen are actually saying three very different things here. Although, yes, they also just so happen to all be very angry.]

So it's not that he isn't excited ta the prospect that Raftel could possibly be in his reach and the One Piece more than just a myth, but he also knows that it's going to take a lot of careful planning and tactical actions to find/retrieve the other three poneglyphs. Well, that or you could take the much shorter, much stupider route or just kicking down every door and running in with your only plan being "kick everyone's ass" (back up plan, "cut it up!!!"). The problem is that, logically, Law knows his way should be superior in that it shouldn't end in immediate death. But he's seen the way the Strawhats operate and he knows how this is going to play out, it just doesn't seem fair.

[This has nothing to do with speaking swordsman, I just adore Robin with her Robin Giggle™ and her smile that says she, too, knows they are about to bring themselves a whole mess of trouble. The kind of trouble that leaves everyone dead. And yet, despite the fact that much of it could potentially be avoidable she were on a crew with anyone except these people, she honestly can't wait.]

[nonchalantdanger]

I defer to your knowledge since you have a lot more combat experience than me--between the different Cyrano actors, who do you think makes the most convincing "greatest swordsman in France"? :)

@theimpossiblescheme Dude, I love this question, and I’ve spent the last half day thinking about it cause it’s such an essential part of the character. Before you’ve even seen the man in the play, everyone knows that Cyrano’s wit and his sword are feared/respected by all of Paris. In terms of character building, the Nose Monologue (you saw my overly long post about THAT) and the Ballade of the Duel unequivocally establish who Cyrano is as a person.

Before I go into the actors, I do want to analyze a thing from a purely fencing standpoint — I fenced non-competitively for a couple years before transitioning into more historical fight combat, but many of my compatriots also fought with Cyrano/Richelieu/Dumas era swords and fight manuals. In the fight between Cyrano and Valvert — which is consistent across all versions, because many don’t include any glimpse of the fight at the Port du Nesle — it goes on long enough for Cyrano to finish his ballade. Now, I realize there are instances where Cyrano could have hit, but didn’t (he gives Valvert’s sword back to him in many versions so that they can continue, which by all dueling rights, Cyrano can literally just kill him or just walk away with his sword), but STILL. Modern fencing isn’t a great example of this, because they aren’t fighting with blades meant to be used in mortal combat, so the instinct to get the fuck away from that sharp, pointy thing that could HURT ME isn’t there cause it doesn’t need to be anymore. Speaking from experience, if you ever have a metal blade meant for serious combat held anywhere near your face, neck, or vulnerable bits, the instinctive GTFO response is there. Frankly, the strength of it is something that fight masters talk about having to overcome in a fight, because adrenaline — despite the fact it can keep you alive — against a trained, cunning opponent is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Those things established, fencing is QUICK. Fights with dire stakes like that, where one opponent (Valvert) definitely wants to humiliate (maim, possibly kill) Cyrano, there are two situations where a fight could be drawn out enough for a ballade recitation. ONE — Cyrano is just indescribably better than Valvert. He’s a grandmaster to the average fifth grade chess player. So then the fight is totally controlled by Cyrano no matter what Valvert does, and Cyrano wants to to finish his ballade, dammit. TWO — They are evenly matched, and both are expert swordsmen. They’re anticipating the moves the other will make three moves out, but so is their opponent, and so then it’s just a game of attrition: who looses focus first? Who mistimes a strike? Who slips? Who fatigues first? This, in my mind, is the most plausible, because Cyrano blossoms in the face of a true challenge, and it’s a much bigger feat for him to do this extraordinary poetical thing while fighting a guy who’s not a pushover. <- That was a HUGE digression, but I’ve spent too much time thinking about it not to say it.

I’m gonna start from the bottom of my list and say that — as much as I love him as Cyrano — Depardieu is NOT a swordsman. He obviously had very good fight choreographers, and the guy playing Valvert knows what he’s doing (mostly), but the way he moves and crosses his feet in certain instances would put him at more of a disadvantage than it does in the scene. This is one where it’s made clear that it’s Situation One: Cyrano is controlling the pace of the fight completely, he’s playing to the crowd, and Valvert is caught up in it. If Cyrano was taking it seriously, he could’ve beat Valvert in a single exchange (from meeting blades to either a hit, a disarm, or one person regathers). I do enjoy the brief glimpse of the Port du Nesle fight we get with him, cause that a frigging BRAWL. Cyrano can fight prettily and economically, and I appreciate that they showed us that.

I’m torn between Ferrer and Kline.

Kline obviously plays a Situation One Cyrano. I actually had a fight master who would fight ‘lazy’ like Kline’s Cyrano does — his form isn’t rigid, he’s sort of lackadaisical about the whole thing, but his sword work is elegant and precise. Valvert has no opening. Cyrano is baiting him. My fight master was amazing because his technique could be very formal and structured, but after three hours of practice in, his arms would fall, his stance would straighten, but you’d still get your ass kicked. We started calling him out on it, and he was so confused, because he didn’t realize he was doing it. He was just like “my arms hurt! I’ve been fighting you jerks for an hour!” And he’d just subconsciously relaxed his posture, but didn’t change his effectiveness in a fight. Kline is that Cyrano for me.

Ferrer is a trained fencer, as many actors were back then, following Errol Flynn’s footsteps. He is a well-trained fencer. So is the guy who plays Valvert. So this is the rare occasion where we see Situation Two Cyrano. You can see it in the first few engagements, how they’re testing each other (I want to kiss the fight choreographer for that scene, but I’ve also read that the choreographer, after learning that Ferrer and the actor playing Valvert were very well trained, kinda just went: here’s the blocking I need you to do for the scene, but y’all know how to fight, so figure out what would make sense), and that shit is so quick and fluid. The attrition applies here. Cyrano figures Valvert out, so when you get to the second verse of the Ballade, Valvert start failing to anticipate Cyrano’s techniques and counters, so he’s exposed as the lesser swordsman. You see a realistic Situation One Cyrano with Ferrer fighting the ruffians who want to kill the poet (in that version, Rageneau) as he’s fighting them in the street. He’s only injured because it was friggin one against a hundred. Cyrano why are you so extra.

So anyways, that’s my take on it. Long answer, but enjoy!

[bltngames]

Review: Lloyd the Monkey 2

Back before TSSZ News imploded, I would often do write-ups for many of the games at the Sonic Amateur Games Expo (SAGE). SAGE is an annual online expo that I started all the way back in September of 2000. I personally ran SAGE for over a year, and remained deeply hands on for at least another two years as it continued to grow. The main focus of SAGE was primarily to showcase fangames, in particular Sonic fangames, but the event never limited itself to any one type of game. It's never been uncommon to see original games appear in the lineup -- especially now, given the modern indie scene. 

One such original game was Lloyd the Monkey, a bit of a strange game, written in Javascript of all things and run through a webpage. That by itself was notable enough to stand out from most of the games at SAGE, but Lloyd was also a completely original product created by someone who possibly seemed to be young and new to game development. Making games is no easy feat, especially when they’re written in Javascript and you’re doing tons of original artwork yourself. Taken as that whole, the game impressed me, even if it was more than a little rough around the edges.

Now we have Lloyd the Monkey 2, written in Unity. The developer, Noah Meyer, sent me a Steam key in order to review the game. Up top, I just want to say how I think it’s kind of brave to go all the way in putting the game on Steam and everything. It felt like just a few years ago, newer indie developers sort of had to work up to releasing their game on Steam, usually getting a few releases under their belt first. People view games differently when they’re asked to pay for them, and critics may not be so willing to let circumstances influence their review. It can be a harsh world out there for a beginner.

Lloyd 2 is a much bigger, more ambitious game than the first. Whereas the original Lloyd didn’t even have sound effects, Lloyd 2 introduces voiced cutscenes, some of which are full-on animated cinematics. Quality is about what you would expect -- I would assume the developer sought out friends and acquaintances to voice characters in Lloyd 2, leading to wildly varying audio quality due to differences in recording hardware. Lloyd himself sounds fine, but some of the other characters are a bit quiet, while others have clear background noise. Nothing I heard was unlistenable, however. 

The story is also a little hard to follow. Not much is done to refresh our memories as to who anyone is or what’s going on, we’re just kind of thrown into the middle of things and turned loose. On one hand, it’s nice that the story doesn’t slow the pace of the gameplay down too much. On the other, you’re given a map screen with different objectives to clear but there’s very little context as to what you’re doing or why. At one point I made my way to the end of a Power Plant level only to confront what appeared to be an evil monkey. Despite a whole cutscene involving a conversation between four or five different people, this evil monkey never seemed to say a single word. He just stood there in total silence with a sinister smile. Then I killed him.

I suppose maybe I missed something, however. With greater ambitions comes a number of unfortunate bugs in Lloyd 2, one of which happened not long after our monkey and his crew landed on planet Grecia. I entered what appeared to be a castle to talk to the Queen, but I think the game expected me to take a lower route, where I was apparently meant to overhear the Queen making secret preparations before my arrival. Instead, I took the direct route straight to her chambers, and triggered the cutscene with Lloyd standing in front of her while ominous music played, even though the camera was still clearly focused on the next floor down. I apparently still had some amount of control, because midway through her dialog I touched a teleporter that sent me to the game’s map screen before she was done talking. If that cutscene was meant to give context to what I was doing, I didn’t get a chance to see it.

That was one of the more harmless bugs in my time spent playing Lloyd 2. Harder to ignore was the fact that, within the first 30 seconds of getting control, I soft locked the game. Lloyd 2 opens with a short prologue section where you play as a man with black hair. If you decide to ignore the obvious and go left instead of right, you quickly run out of solid level tiles and begin falling indefinitely. Later areas feature invisible walls presumably to prevent this exact scenario, but for whatever reason they weren’t implemented in the prologue. 

For the most part, Lloyd 2 seems to be a co-op game. Many levels see Lloyd teamed up with an alien princess named Lura, with gameplay vaguely reminiscent of Mega Man X crossed with the tag mechanic from Sonic Mania’s Encore Mode. At the touch of a button, you can switch between the Swordsman Lloyd and the more projectile-based Lura… assuming your partner is still alive, I guess. While playing alone, your partner is controlled by artificial intelligence, but it’s incredibly basic and prone to accidentally committing suicide. That wouldn’t be such a big deal (considering Tails in Sonic 2 never acted in self-preservation either), but once your partner dies, they stay dead. Your only option to bring them back is to either restart the stage or hope another cutscene triggers, since they’ll magically spring back to life in order to say their dialog (though, again, usually only seconds before they fall back into the next death pit). 

This might not be much of a problem, depending on your viewpoint. There’s not much incentive to switch between Lloyd and Lura, so once you pick whoever you think works the best, chances are, you’ll just stick with them. You do unlock special team-up attacks after beating each boss, but this just reinforces the idea that Lloyd the Monkey 2 is meant to be experienced with another person holding a second controller, as most of the team-up attacks require both characters to do something specific that the single player artificial intelligence usually can’t interpret. Regardless, the team-up attacks never seem strictly necessary to progress, so they can be safely ignored if you’re playing solo.

I understand this is a pretty negative review I’ve written here. Lloyd the Monkey 2 aims high and tries to the best of its ability to get there. I assume it was a struggle to get even this far. Making games is hard work, and like any skill, takes practice to get good at. Just because this is Lloyd the Monkey 2 doesn’t mean Noah Meyer, its developer, is automatically an expert. I'm sure he's doing his best, and, quality aside, this game has a lot of heart put into it. This isn’t something cheap, quick, or lazy. It’s really, genuinely trying, and that matters. 

I’ve said a few times here and there that I see pieces of myself in the releases of Lloyd the Monkey, and I still see them here. I remember, for an early SAGE event, I was working on a fangame project of mine called The Fated Hour. I was probably already a year or two or maybe even three deep in the game by now, and after a lot of hyping up the community, this was their first chance to play the game. I spent months and months coding this iteration of my engine, and by my standards back then, it seemed like bleeding edge technology. I felt like I was going to blow everyone's minds. 

It was a mess. Few were impressed. Even worse, the game straight up didn’t even run correctly for some people. What followed was multiple patches, and even rebuilding some entire areas from scratch. My ambitions got the better of me and I unintentionally cut corners -- not because I was trying to cheap out on doing proper development, but just because I simply didn’t know any better. I may have done the best I knew how to do, but I was running faster than my body could keep up with and I stumbled.

When I see things like the missing invisible walls in the prologue, or how easily partner characters commit suicide by accident, I think back to that demo for The Fated Hour, and how I've been in this exact place myself. There��s even a side quest in Lloyd 2 where you have to track a floating girl as she drifts through a level -- there was a nearly identical set piece in The Fated Hour, where you were chasing a robot. It’s a very strange feeling to see something like that and think, “I’ve been here before.” Like looking through a window at a younger version of yourself.

It’s true that I stumbled, but I didn’t let that stop me. I learned by doing. I kept going. Three years later, a game of mine was featured on TV, leading to more than a million downloads. The mistakes of past projects did not weigh me down and I soldiered onwards, newfound knowledge in hand. 

So where does that leave us with Lloyd the Monkey 2, then. Well, it's not exactly a game to compete with Super Mario Odyssey, but given the circumstances in which it was created, I don't think that's necessarily the point. As a learning experience clearly made for the fun of its own creation, I think it's a success. And who knows what awaits in the years to come?

[jentrevellan]

Believe Again: Chapter Five

Rating: Mature Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition Relationships: Cullen Rutherford x Female Trevelyan Tags: slow burn, slow build, slow romance, mage/templar dynamics, family drama, templars, mages, enemies to friends to lovers, angst, lyrium withdrawal, crisis of faith, loss of faith, The Chantry, sexual tension, innuendo

MASTERPOST:

A/N: Tags to be updated. Chapters posted on the 1st Thursday of the month.

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CHAPTER Five - Elsie

...so I met the Herald of Andraste this morning. She’s already becoming pretty famous around these parts but after meeting her, I was struck by how normal she was. A woman just shy of thirty, and a mage. I watched as she helped drive away the apostates and rogue templars from the Crossroads and I was impressed. Her magic is scary, like all mages, but from the little I know of the art I could see that she had immense control and I felt like I was witnessing something special to see her wield it. I know that contradicts what I said about her being normal. Maybe that’s why people like her already - myself included

- Part of a letter sent by Scout Lace Harding to her mother

5. Elsie

Although horse riding was in her blood and she had been on horseback more in the past year than most of her life put together; Elsie was still desperately out of practice, especially when travelling roads she didn't know with a mare who was almost as stubborn as she was. By the time they had made camp that first evening on their journey, Elsie was no closer to getting on with her horse who had the most ridiculous name of Buttercup. Normally such a name would not offend her, but Buttercup was so unlike her namesake in both looks and temperament that Elsie couldn’t help but resent it.

Perhaps she was projecting her bubbling anger unknowingly on the poor mare. For most of the day, Elsie’s thoughts had been consumed with that of Commander Cullen. Cold, calculated, emotionless ex-templar, she thought bitterly as she set up her tent by a stream with the others.

“I think I’m going to pitch my tent away from the Herald,” Varric said with a wink. “She looks like she’s about to set something on fire, and I’m rather fond of my chest hair.”

Elsie rolled her eyes but managed a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m just-”

“Brooding?” Varric interjected.

She frowned at him. “I wasn’t brooding,” she muttered.

Varric laughed. “Believe me Dimples, I know brooding when I see it. I learnt from the expert also known as Fenris.”

Elsie didn’t reply and continued to pitch her tent in silence but tried to act more calmly. She was annoyed with the Commander and frustrated about how they had left things: she would much rather resolve the conflict upfront than sit and stew, which she had done for most of the day. Also, considering he had stayed in Haven, his obvious resentment towards her would no doubt be exacerbated by her absence, especially as she was not there to defend herself.

She heaved a sigh and instead turned back to Varric who was now reclining on a blanket outside of his tent.

“You’re from Kirkwall, right Varric?” she asked slowly, taking a seat on a log near him.

“Well if that’s not a loaded question, I don’t know what is,” he chuckled. “Out with it Dimples - you know I’m from Kirkwall...for better or worse.”

Elsie spread her hands as she searched for the right words. “Alright - Commander Cullen was from Kirkwall too, yes? Did you know him? Was he part of the mage uprising?”

Varric looked at her closely before shaking his head. “Alright, I’ll tell you Herald… but you’re not going to like it.”

*

The ride the next day was even more subdued as Elsie mulled over everything Varric had told her. Oh, like many apostates she had read his ‘Tales of the Champion’, whilst on the run, with the desire to know more about the mage couple who had started the rebellion. Her sister Evelyn had even been stationed at the Gallows before the trouble really started and had once mentioned in passing that she had met the Champion. Not for the first time, Elsie wished she could speak to her sister again, to ask her if she knew Cullen - surely their paths would’ve crossed on occasion, especially if he had been a commanding officer? She made a mental note to ask him about Evelyn once they were on better speaking terms… if that were to happen.

“So the Commander of the Inquisition just… turned a blind eye? Let things escalate and did nothing?” Elsie asked Varric that following evening.

Varric blinked at the sudden change in subject but recovered quickly. “I suppose that’s something you would need to ask him yourself. But he stood up against Meredith with us in the end.”

“In the end,” Elsie repeated slowly. “Some of what I’ve heard from mages who escaped the Gallows-”

“Are exaggerations, no doubt,” Cassandra interrupted, walking past them on her way to her tent. She looked down at them, her hands on her hips. “None of us were truly there in the Gallows or in the ranks. A Templar doesn’t question orders - that’s what makes them excellent soldiers.”

“But people died because he chose to look the other way!” Elsie replied heatedly, getting to her feet. She had been sitting and stewing on this fact for most of the day, and could feel her hands shaking.

“I think he knows that, Dimples,” Varric said quietly.

“Indeed,” Cassandra continued. “What matters now is that he made the right choices and was invaluable with the relief efforts in Kirkwall. That’s what I saw when I sought to recruit him - a brilliant soldier and swordsman, unafraid to admit he was wrong and more than willing to atone.” With that, Cassandra retreated into her tent without another word.

Varric and Elsie lapsed into a companionable silence, and the dwarf plucked at his crossbow idly whilst staring into the campfire, his mind obviously back in Kirkwall or someplace. Elsie thought over Cassandra’s words and offered a small smile to Solas who sat down opposite her and pulled out a book. She watched the elf set his staff down carefully on the ground by his feet and flick open a couple of pages before finding his place where he had left off. A prickle of magic she was now becoming familiar with and Elsie knew that Solas had just returned from setting wards around their little camp. She felt his soft magic flow silently around them and that’s when she remembered something that she had been sitting on since her talk with Varricc the previous evening.

She peered over her shoulder at Cassandra’s tent before leaning in closer to Varric, her voice low. “Can I ask you something?”

“You already have, but I guess you have another question?” he grinned, and Elsie gave him a gentle swat on the arm in response.

“Just something you said about Commander Cullen yesterday that’s been on my mind… does he really not see mages as people?” her mouth felt dry as she asked and Solas looked up from the book he was reading.

Varric’s good and contemplative mood evaporated and he looked down at his feet, rubbing his chin as he decided how to answer.

“You don’t forget something like that,” he admitted slowly. “But Curly has changed an awful lot since then; you would have to ask him yourself.”

Elsie rolled her eyes. “Sure, because we are such good friends.”

“Perhaps we need to give Cullen the benefit of the doubt,” Solas said, ever calm. “It’s the least we can do if we don’t want him to judge us as much as we are apparently judging him.”

She noted the quiet rebuke but didn’t comment on it. “I just feel like he’s watching us all the time - like when we were training before we left Haven.”

“With all due respect Elsie, it wasn’t me he was staring at,” Solas said, a wry smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

“Oh really?” Varric said eagerly, threading his fingers together. “Do tell me more. Would you say he was ‘enraptured’? Besotted?”

Heat coursed through Elsie. “Really Varric,” she shook her head.

Varric ignored her. “Is the Commander Templar pining for the Herald mage I wonder? Opposites do attract after all.”

Elsie crossed her arms and regarded him coolly, hoping her warm cheeks didn’t give her away. “The journey must be making you weary for you are delusional,” she said calmly, although her gut twisted at the thought of him watching her as a person, as a woman, and not because she was a mage. “Besides, I don’t think the Commander could manage friendship with a mage, let alone be intimate with one.”

“Who said anything about intimacy?” Varric grinned, and Elsie wanted to put her fist in her mouth. She looked over at Solas for some support but the elf was smiling down at his book, refusing to meet her eye.

“Come now Dimples! Curly isn’t exactly hard on the eyes now, is he?”

He’s right about that , she admitted silently, thinking of his strong jaw and chiselled cheekbones.  

“Don’t forget the thrill of a forbidden romance,” the dwarf continued.

“What are you, a smutty romance writer?” she said, playing close attention to her gloves.

“I have been known to dabble.”

“Maker’s balls,” she swore. “If you are quite finished, I’m going to bed before you say any more ridiculous nonsense and start naming children or some other hogwash,” she said, waving a hand.

“That’s some pretty strong denial there,” Solas smiled.

Elsie glared at him. “Traitor,” she mumbled, hiding a smile as she got to her feet. “This conversation is over. Goodnight!”

She strode to her tent, the sounds of the elf and the dwarf’s laughter following her. “Have pleasant dreams of Curly!” Varric called after her.

Oh, how she wished she could slam a tent flap shut.

Needless to say, Elsie took a few moments to collect herself, although the taunting words of Varric and Solas rang in her ears. Cullen was a troubled, complicated man with a dark past and perhaps she had given him too little credit. And yet, as Elsie undressed and slipped into a simple nightdress, her hands lingered on her collarbone and her waist and she wondered what it would feel like if his breath tickled her neck and if it were his hands on her instead of her own -

Abruptly, she snatched her hands away, as if scolded. Maker, am I that desperate for comfort? So eager for the touch of another person that she would fantasise about a man she barely knew and antagonised her so? Stupid handsome Commander , she thought. It was his fault being - as Varric had said - not so bad on the eyes. She wasn’t sure if that made her dislike him more or less.

Despite her self-scolding, Elsie did dream of the Commander and as was typical of the Fade, it distorted the reality. She saw him as a Templar in Ostwick, walking the hallways she had known so well for many years. And in her dreams he was softer but strong, and pressed her quietly up against the library shelves, tucked away in secret corners, giving in to temptation.

A cold dip in the river the following morning chased all heated thoughts away, and as their journey continued, she sobered greatly as they faced demons and closed a rift which had already taken the lives of a small farming family. The next few days were much the same, which gave the small group a chance to practice working and fighting together. As they finally descended into the Hinterlands proper, Elsie was too full of simple wonder admiring the luscious green landscape to even complain about her saddle sores. The tall trees, the long grass and the tame fennecs were enough to calm her soul and soon all confusing thoughts of the Commander of the Inquisition had fled her mind.

The beauty of the landscape was a sharp contrast to the bloodshed they soon encountered.

The Crossroads were a mess. They left their horses to recover at the forward camp with Scout Harding and descended into the valley on foot. As the screams and shouts became louder, Elsie exchanged a worried glance with Cassandra, who nodded grimly and drew her sword. They rounded the corner and saw the scuffle between Inquisition soldiers, Templars and mages; so the foursome prepared themselves as they had practiced: Solas set a ward over them all, Varric slung Bianca from over his shoulder and Cassandra braced in a warrior pose whilst flames licked Elsie’s fingers.

Despite their plans to not fight them, both the Templars and apostates refused to listen. Elsie wrapped her flames around a Templar who boiled in his metal armour screaming in agony. She then felt a dreaded tingle of blood magic from behind her and spun on her heel, twirled her staff and shot a fireball at an apostate before they could finish summoning a demon. Their robes were set alight and the blood mage screamed in both pain and frustration as she summoned an ice cloud over her to douse the flames. However, she was too slow as Cassandra skidded on her knees past Elsie and lunged upwards with her sword to dig her weapon into the mage’s gut.

She spluttered blood from her mouth, her eyes wide, before she grinned sadistically at Cassandra. In a pool of blood and magic, the mage transformed into a hideous abomination and Elsie shuddered involuntarily as it screeched at them. It swung its huge, unnatural arms down at Cassandra, who quickly blocked with her shield, but she was too slow, and the abomination ripped it away from her arm, causing the Seeker to cry out in pain with what Elsie quickly summarised was likely a broken wrist.

Instinct took over and Elsie summoned fire to wrap around the abomination as she ran forward and reached behind her back to grab her dagger. As her flames distracted the creature, she lunged up with her sharp blade and slashed its throat. It screeched in agony, but the cut wasn’t deep enough to be fatal. Elsie spun on her heel and swung her staff over her head, which was alight and burning with her magic. She went to strike again, aiming her dagger for the gut this time, but the abomination reached down and grabbed Elsie by the throat, dragging her off her feet. She dropped her dagger from her left hand and her staff from her right, and both fell to the cobbled ground with a clatter. She clawed desperately at the creature’s grossly malformed hands that were squeezing her throat, but her vision began to blur, even when the abomination leaned closer and whispered, with rotted breath ‘traitor’.

Elsie almost stopped struggling as she processed the word it had uttered. Fear groped her and she tried to gulp for air but its grip was strong -

Shuck.

She fell to the ground, suddenly free and sucked in as much air as she could with large, rasping gasps. Confused, she pulled herself to her feet and peered over at the now still abomination. A crossbow bolt was embedded between its rolled, bloodshot eyes. She turned to see Varric give her a quick wink before he turned and helped Solas with the final stragglers.

Cassandra stood leaning against a fence post, cradling her arm. “It’s over,” she said, looking around them.

Elsie nodded, unable to summon her voice. She looked around and saw body after fallen body litter the ground. Almost all the deceased were rogue templars or apostates and yet she did not feel particularly relieved about that fact. She didn’t really feel much of anything and went over to heal Cassandra’s wrist with a flick of magic she barely had to think about.

Traitor

Rubbing her neck sore neck and shrugging off Cassandra’s thanks, Elsie walked between the bodies as Inquisition soldiers began to sort and pile them up. Cassandra and Varric followed her every move like her shadow, but Solas remained apart and went to help with the physicians and offer his healing magic. Elsie knew she needed to join him and offer her limited skill of healing, but for her at that moment, it was important for her to look down on the faces of the people who had died - the people she had killed. Faces of men and women, elves and people passed her by, but the body of a blonde elven mage in tattered Circle robes gave her pause. The elf’s eyes were open, her green gaze staring at nothingness. She had no markings on her face, save for the bruises and blood from the skirmish and her ashen hair was clumps of blood tangled in it. She had one lone earring in her right ear and the metal was worn, as if regularly rubbed. Elsie wondered if it had been given to her by her mother, or a friend or a lover?

“It is war,” Varric mumbled from beside her, as Elsie let out a ragged breath. She reached forward and closed the elf’s eyes, her skin already cold.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” she replied bitterly. How many did I kill today? She thought. How many fellow mages? How many of my sister’s comrades?

“Herald,” Cassandra said, crossing her arms. “Elsie?” she said quietly when Elsie looked up at her. “We should report to Corporal Vale-”

“No, not yet,” Elsie said, regaining her composure and turning her back on the dead elf. “I need to help heal the wounded and speak to Mother Giselle. The rest can wait.”

“But-”

Elsie strode on past the Seeker and headed towards Solas who was crouched by a row of stretchers. “By all mean go and see the Corporal - but I’ve got work to be getting on with,” and with that, Elsie knelt down next to Solas and downed a lyrium potion before setting her hands on a soldier’s thigh and applying pressure.

*

Three days after the skirmish, Elsie had spoken to Mother Giselle, but she had still not left the Crossroads, much to Cassandra’s agitation. The injured were many and everyday more came in the hopes of being seen by a healer or someone who could help them. Broken families and quiet children became a common sight to Elsie as she helped heal those in the greatest of need.

It was on the fifth day that Cassandra finally dared to approach her directly. They had not spoken to one another since Elsie’s cool dismissal and she had barely spared a thought for the Seeker - Elsie’s primary concern was helping those in need and she said as much to Cassandra when they spoke as Elsie finished wrapping a bandage around a young man’s arm.

“I spoke to Mother Giselle before she left for Haven,” Cassandra said levelly, watching Elsie work.

“Did you indeed,” she replied, not looking up from her task as her fingers worked deftly to complete the dressing.

“Yes and she said she spoke to you about appealing to the Chantry directly in Val Royeaux-”

“And I will,” Elsie interrupted, tying a knot, and tugging on it to test the strength. “But I cannot even think about journeying to Orlais when my work here is not finished.”

Cassandra frowned and crossed her arms. She was silent for a moment as she considered her next words. “You are needed elsewhere, Herald. We must return to Haven at once to plan with the others about how we approach the Chantry in Val Royeaux!”

Elsie remained silent as she checked her handiwork and smiled at the soldier. “How does that feel?”

The young man nodded gratefully. “Much better, thank you, Your Worship.”

She got to her feet and wiped her hands on a cloth. “You’re welcome. Now, make sure you rest and you’ll be back swinging a sword in no time.”

“Yes, Your Worship,” he mumbled, lowering his eyes.

Elsie walked into the main cabin and approached the desk where she made a note on the patient’s care on a ledger. She idly rubbed her neck as she wrote, as the bruising there was still painful and was turning a grotesque shade of purple. Cassandra followed her and waited as patiently as she could, which Elsie knew she was pushing. Finally, she turned to the Seeker.

“I’ve spoken to Corporal Vale - there is much work to be done here: much more than healing these people.”

Cassandra bristled. “So let the healers and physicians take over and let us return to-”

“No, I cannot,” Elsie said sharply, cutting Cassandra off. “Whilst the healers can now cope with the wounded here, what about outside of this valley? Cassandra, the King’s Road is not safe for these people to leave and return to their homes. We need to stop the Templars and apostates, not to mention the raiders and mercenaries, otherwise our leaving would just undo all of the work done thus far and endanger the lives of those we have already saved!” she exclaimed. Her voice had risen unintentionally and a few patients in the beds around them looked over at them both curiously. Closing her eyes, Elsie took a breath before continuing more calmly. “Don’t you see? If we alleviate the threat in the Hinterlands, word will spread of the good and sustainable work the Inquisition is doing - which will hole more sway and influence when we eventually do go to Val Royeaux.”  Elsie’s hand’s shook, so she clasped them together, hoping the Seeker had not noticed. “And I know it must be me that helps - you must’ve read the reports from Vale: there are rifts all over the Hinterlands only I can close.”

The two women stared each other down for a moment until Cassandra finally spoke begrudgingly. “It seems you’ve thought a great deal about this.”

Elsie shrugged. “It helps to think and keep the mind busy when you’re wrapping bandages and the like,” she replied, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Cassandra signed and conceded. “Very well. Your theory is sound, even though I don’t fully agree. I know for sure the others back at Haven won’t approve either.”

Elsie smiled faintly. “Well I am sure they will cope,” she said dryly, just knowing the reports the Commander would receive about her stubbornness to cooperate to his orders would drive him mad. “In any case, I will write to them - personally - to explain our plans.”

“That would be helpful, I suppose.”

“Excellent,” Elsie grinned, rubbing her hands together. “Now, will you help me give these poor folk some lunch?”

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[stahlop]

Once Upon a Time 2x13 “Tiny” Review

Reviews 1x01 1x02 1x03 1x04 1x05 1x06 1x07 1x08 1x09 1x10 1x11 1x12 1x13 1x14 1x15 1x16 1x17 1x18 1x19 1x20 1x21 1x22 2x01 2x02 2x03 2x04 2x05 2x06 2x07 2x08 2x09 2x10 2x11 2x12

This was a cute episode. I wouldn’t say it was of the caliber of the rest of the season. More like some filler and a little bit of exposition for something bigger looming on the horizon. We did find out that Jack was short for Jacqueline and that James was as much of a bastard as his father. We also find out David’s cursed name is his actual real name. We also now have confirmation that Greg lied to Emma about not seeing anything (I wonder why her superpower didn’t catch that).

Summary: Prince James and Jack befriend Anton when he goes down the beanstalk to find out how friendly humans really are with dire consequences. Emma, Henry, and Gold head to NYC, while Anton wreaks havoc in Storybrooke after Hook reveals that Cora brought him along (shrunken for traveling). 

Opening: Giant pulling a tree out of the ground.

New Character Observations:

Jack: The fabled giant slayer, who is usually a young boy, but in this iteration is a buxom woman who is sleeping with Prince James, but also an accomplished monster slayer (as she has apparently killed a Jabberwock). She and Prince James pretend to be Anton’s friend, but really they just want to attack the giants, steal their gold, and take their beans. She is killed by Arlo.

Character Observations:

Anton/Tiny (SB): Contrary to what we were told in Tallahassee, Anton is not the meanest and the fiercest of the giants. He is actually the runt of all his brothers. He is constantly made fun of for his stature (they call him Tiny), and for dreaming about going to make friends with humans. His brother, Arlo, reminds him that humans took their beans and used them to conquer far away realms, which is why they stopped trading the beans with them. Anton is determined to prove that not all humans are like this (he says that just because a few went conquering doesn’t make them all evil, very contradictory to his thinking the last time we saw him,) so he goes down the beanstalk to meet some. He looks into a tavern and is stopped by James and Jack. Anton tells them he’s always been fascinated by their customs and James and Jack (who just happens to have part of a magic mushroom to make him human-sized) offer to show him around. Anton complains about his family to James and Jack who make it sound like they are abusive to him. At first Anton disagrees, but then realizes they are horrible to him. James tells him sometimes you have to leave home to find the people you’re meant to be with (damn he’s laying it on thick). And poor Anton is eating it up with a spoon, having never been appreciated by his own family.  Anton notices James arguing with someone and Jack tells him the kingdom is broke, but she does it in a way that makes him sound really noble about it. Which makes Anton want to help. Jack suggests magic beans, but Anton is smart enough to not reveal he has those. He does say he has gold he can give them though. Jack kisses his cheek and calls Anton her hero, which is something he’s never been called before. Anton goes to get gold for James and Arlo is in shock that he went down to the human world. Anton insists they’re nice and he’s made friends. But then the sentry birds take off and Anton wonders if he made a mistake. James and Jack are up at the top and Anton says he has the gold for them, but James says they’re there for the beans. Anton is confused, he thought they were friends. Jack sets him straight and says they’ll kill everyone if they don’t bring them to the beans. The giants are being attacked by some kind of army? There’s some kind of fireball in the sky (are they catapulting flaming rocks or something). Anton blames himself for trusting James and Jack. Arlo tells him to raze the fields to get rid of the beans so the humans can’t take them. Arlo goes down after Jack stabs him with her poisoned sword. He dispenses some life advice to Anton about knowing what path to choose, and then gives him a cutting from one of the bean plants, letting him know that he’ll find the right place to plant it and then they’ll have beans again.

Which is apparently Storybrooke! Anton (or Tiny as I’ll be calling him) is shrunk down and has been brought over on Hook’s ship in a cage. Hook just happens to have the key to the cage, so David, Mary Margaret, and Leroy get him out. But Tiny takes one look at David and freaks out. He knocks him and Leroy to the bottom part of the ship before Mary Margaret threatens him with her arrows. Tiny runs off telling David that he’ll pay for what he did. Tiny is at the lake when Regina comes upon him. He threatens to kill her, but she just laughs. She hands him a piece of mushroom that will make him bigger. Tiny is now in town throwing cars around and causing general mayhem. Tiny runs across David and tells him he’s going to destroy everything like he destroyed everything for him. David explains that it was his twin brother, James, that did that. Not him. Tiny wants to know where James is; David tells him he’s dead. Mary Margaret lets him know that Emma is their daughter. He wants to talk to her so she can confirm, but, of course, she’s out of town, so Tiny doesn’t believe anything they’re saying. Rampaging starts again. And then the funniest scene ever; while David and Leroy discuss David’s name, Tiny is chasing after them and runs into the power lines and doesn’t know how to get out of them. When he catches up to them later he ducks under them, because he’s learned. David makes a deal to sacrifice himself to save all of Storybrooke, and Tiny apparently decides he’s going to jump and stomp on David, but ends up busting straight through the ground, and then he conveniently turns small again. David, Mary Margaret, and Leroy see him hanging from a pipe that is running through there. Despite the fact that Tiny just partially destroyed their town, the whole town comes to help rescue him. When David reaches him Tiny thinks maybe death would be better than life, but David tells him he would’ve let go already if that were the case. He takes David’s hand and they rescue him. The town goes to Granny’s and Leroy tells Tiny he can stay there until they find him a place. Tiny thinks he should just go stay in the woods because he usually doesn’t fit in well. Leroy lets him know what types of people they have in town, and that he’ll fit in just fine. Mary Margaret says they all miss their land, but they’re stuck there. Tiny shows them the bean sprout and says he may have a way (but didn’t it take 100 years to grow the last crop?). They find a field and Tiny says it should grow the beans fine. But Cora wanted him in Storybrooke to grow beans. Leroy says the dwarfs will protect the crop and work on cultivating them (work is work, it’s what we do he says). They give him a pick axe and the name Tiny appears on it. Leroy welcomes him into the dwarf brotherhood. Tiny has found a new family.

James: Well, we get to see what kind of an ass James really is. We didn’t really see much of him previously. Just that he was an expert swordsman, but it seems he really does have George’s temperament. He goes after Anton specifically to rob him and most likely murder him, while acting like the nicest person in the world. He has no morals about what he’s doing to Anton and then, when Jack gets hurt, all he cares about is taking off with the treasure and running his kingdom. Too bad karma will get him in the end.

David/Mary Margaret: We start with David politely asking Gold to take care of Emma and Henry while they’re out of town. Gold promises no harm will befall his family and reminds him that they have a deal anyway. David comes out later wearing a gun holster. He mentions missing his sword, Mary Margaret thinks he looks hot with the holster (I kind of agree). They are heading out to find Regina, but she is at their door when they open it. They explain to Regina that Cora framed her and that they are truly sorry for not believing her. Regina wants to see Henry to ‘protect’ him from Cora, but they inform her that he left with Emma and Gold. Mary Margaret reminds Regina that they didn’t know where she was, but she also gets a little snarky by saying that Emma doesn’t have to run anything by her concerning Henry. Please see observations below for my rant about that. Since Regina has now been found and informed, they go to Hook to get information about Cora. Hook continues to piss David off by flirting with Mary Margaret. Hook claims that Cora won’t be there, but David’s convinced there will be something on the ship that will help them find her whereabouts. Hook shows them the giant in a box. He gives them the key when David starts to strangle him and then leaves (Hook knows what’s up with that giant). Mary Margaret tries to calmly let Tiny know he’s safe, but he sees David and freaks. Later on, David realizes that Tiny must think he is James. David tries to get all the townspeople to the town hall while he and Mary Margaret try to talk to Tiny. David goes to talk to Tiny, much to Mary Margaret’s consternation. David explains that Tiny is mad at his twin brother, James, who is now dead, and Mary Margaret tells him they just want to help. They bring up that Emma is their daughter, but Tiny wants to talk to her, which he can’t since she’s out of town with Gold. This makes Tiny madder because James is dead and Emma isn’t available. Leroy questions David about his name. He’s still confused by the end even though David makes it quite clear that his EF name was David as well as his cursed name. They try to lead Tiny away from the town but then realize that will get him to the town line and they can’t unleash him into the real world.David decides to give Tiny what he wants to save the town, himself. Which somehow leads Tiny to making a huge hole in the street that at first he is stuck in, and then he shrinks and is holding on to dear life in. David and the town rescue him and Tiny realizes humans aren’t so bad. When he shows then the bean sprout, David is elated, but Mary Margaret isn’t so cool about it (probably thinking how that will spark another argument between them eventually like last time). David contemplates what would have happened if he had been raised by King George instead of James. Ah, the age old questions of nature vs. nurture. But Mary Margaret thinks that their hearts were different enough that David wouldn’t have succumbed to evil like James did. Okay, Mary Margaret, whatever. There is no way you could know that. Mary Margaret changes the topic to say that she had a lot of fun and missed their old adventures. David brings up the beans again and how they could do this all the time if they went back to the EF. Mary Margaret tells him that home is where their family is, and that’s right here in Storybrooke. She doesn’t think Emma would go to the EF and she won’t be separated from her again. David figures that Mary Margaret is worried about Emma with Gold. He points out that Emma can take care of herself. I don’t think that puts Mary Margaret at ease.

Gold: He is still in total asshole mode when he goes to pick up Emma, especially when she informs him that she is bringing Henry along. He says the deal is only with her, but Emma refuses to leave Henry with Cora hanging around. Gold thinks David is trying to threaten him about his family and mocks him about not being able to cross the town line, but David just wants Gold to protect his family.  Gold gets it and promises no harm will come to them. Gold is driving them across the town line and hopes that his potion still works. Seems a little late to be thinking about that as they’re driving over the line. It works and they’re on their way to Logan International Airport. Once at the airport, Gold seems very vulnerable. Henry mentions that it must be hard to be like everyone else and not be able to use magic (in front of the whole security line, way to be discreet, kid), and Gold is definitely feeling strange about all this. Emma informs him he has to put his shoes and shawl in the security bin and he gets a little scared because he might revert without the shawl on. He threatens another passenger who’s basically mad because he’s holding up the line. Emma assures him her father is just nervous. Gold is not happy that she referred to him as her father. I mean, he’s old enough, I don’t know why he’s taking such offense to that, unless it’s just Emma in general he’s opposed to. He takes off the shawl and starts feeling woozy. They also make him put his cane through, which I find odd since he needs it to walk, but I guess they have to make sure it’s not carrying anything inside. The second he gets his shawl back on feels better. But Gold did not like the feeling that he had without the shawl. Gold is pacing in front of Emma and Henry waiting for the plane and he is not in a good place. After Emma asks him if he’s okay too many times, he heads to the public restroom. He’s taking a long, hard look at himself in the mirror and doesn’t seem to like what he’s seeing. Maybe he’s seeing the coward from centuries ago. Maybe he’s seeing the man Belle doesn’t recognize anymore. Either way, he’s frustrated, and he takes it out on a toilet seat cover holder. He tries to heal himself but nothing happens, as is to be expected in the Land Without Magic, but he’s still a little unnerved about it. On the plane, Gold is gripping the seat rests. Emma tells him they’ll find his son to make him feel better. Gold says he knows, but looks like he is scared out of his mind.

Regina: So she’s completely reverted, just making the town think she’s still trying to change. I guess once Henry’s away the Evil Queen comes out to play. I do wonder if when she comes to  Mary Margaret and David’s at the beginning of the episode if she really was trying to make amends and convince them that she was framed, or if the whole thing was an act. It almost felt like once she found out Henry was gone and Mary Margaret was so condescending to her, that old Regina came out to play. I mean, did Mary Margaret really need to antagonize her like that? Should you really try and antagonize the Evil Queen when she’s just been told her mother tried to frame her? It’s like kicking someone when they’re down. Anyway, we next see Regina when Hook tries to summon Cora. She appears instead and reminds him that he was supposed to kill her mother. She tells him he’s lucky that they’ve reconciled. Regina, acting as Cora’s proxy, wants to know if David and Mary Margaret found the ship and if Hook got Cora’s things off it. Hook informs her she’s been tied up in bed and not in the good way. He does inform Regina that a shrunken giant got loose and wants to murder David. Regina thinks she can work with that. She finds Tiny at the lake and offers him her help. He threatens to kill her but she just laughs. Way to make a shrunken giant feel good about themselves, Regina. She’s talking to him as if they’re just having a conversation about the weather or what to cook for dinner, except they’re talking about wrecking the town and killing people. It’s a little psychotic. She gives him a magic cookie that will make him giant-sized again. Regina laughs evilly as he gets bigger. She’s really embracing being evil again. Also, this is the happiest we’ve seen her since Daniel was alive. True joy on her face when Tiny became giant-sized again.

Belle/Greg/Ruby: Ruby goes to visit Belle in the hospital (complete with basket full of goodies) but Belle doesn’t remember her. She brings her some comforts from home, including a book, which doesn’t trigger anything. Ruby looks distraught that the book doesn’t help her remember. Belle wants to know if they were really friends and Ruby says they were. Belle asks about the magic Gold used, and Ruby blames it on the tranquilizers Belle’s on. Belle says she knows what she saw and that her name isn’t Belle. The nurse gives her a sedative and Ruby is upset to see her friend like this. So, they aren’t trying to acclimate her to the town, just pretend that it’s a normal town? I’m pretty sure Sneezy just thinks the other dwarfs are crazy but they still talk about everything in front of him. Greg witnesses the tale end of this and asks if everything is okay. Ruby says it is and asks how he’s doing. He says he’s mending. Then she puts on the most saccharine smile and attitude to tell him that he needs to finish healing so he can get out of their quiet little town. Because that doesn’t scream that they’re hiding something and they don’t want you to find out what. Greg goes to visit Belle later after her sedative has worn off to tell her he overheard her conversation. Belle thinks he’s there to tell her she’s crazy, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t think she’s crazy because he saw the magic fireball too!

Questions:

Why is Gold afraid the shawl won’t work? He’s already tested it. Does he think the potion will wear off? Also, why would he be driving the car if he’s afraid he might forget?

Why is Gold, not Emma, driving to the Boston airport? Gold has never been out of Storybrooke. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Emma to drive?

Why are Gold, Emma, and Henry driving to the airport in Boston and not Portland, ME? Boston is a 4 hour trip (as stated in previous episodes), which means Storybrooke has to be situated somewhere near Orland, ME (3 hrs and 54 mins from Boston according to Google, yes I mapped this out). They are adding an extra 1 hr and 45 mins to drive to Boston instead of going to the Portland airport.

Anton raises a good question: Why grow the beans if no one uses them?

How have humans never seen the beanstalk? It’s not as though it’s hidden or hard to see.

How is Greg up and about when he had surgery on his chest just that night? This is only the next day.

What are James and Jack doing in that tavern to begin with? Are princes usually hanging out with women in taverns?

When was James supposed to tell Anton about his kingdom being broke? Jack has been with him the whole time.

Are James and Jack the only humans that came up the beanstalk? How have the other giants fallen? There’s no one else there?

How does one grow things in a land up in the clouds?

Why does Cora want beans? To get back to the Enchanted Forest? To get back to Wonderland?

Observations:

Gold mentions the deal that he and David made in We are Both where they promised that they wouldn’t interfere in each others lives.

The town line that Gold, Emma, and Henry drive over is not the same one Gold and Belle were at the previous night.

Mary Margaret mentions that Emma doesn’t have to run anything by Regina regarding Henry. Technically, Regina is Henry’s legal parent. She adopted him, which means she is his legal guardian. Emma may be his birth mother, but (as Regina reminded her plenty last season), she has no rights to him. The fact that Emma just took Henry over state lines would get her arrested anywhere else. Especially because she doesn’t have any written documentation with Regina’s permission. She’s basically kidnapped Henry. And considering Henry brought it up to Emma last year in the Pilot when she threatened to turn him over to the police, Emma should know better. Just because they don’t like Regina doesn’t mean Emma, Mary Margaret, and David can do whatever they want with Henry.

The Jolly Roger is made from enchanted wood.

Ruby gives Belle a copy of Jules Verne’s The Mysterious Island which is the same book Mary Margaret was reading in 7:15 AM.

Arlo mentions that it has taken a century for the beans to be ready to harvest.

How convenient that Jack has a magic mushroom that she keeps on her person for when they meet Anton.

Hook goes to summon Cora with a Queen of Hearts playing card.

James does the same sword twist that David does.

It looks as though Tiny busted through into the underground mines/caverns since there is a never ending looking hole underneath him.

I’m pretty sure dwarfs and giants are related. They both call each brother, they have no females, and they’re made to work (dwarfs mining fairy dust, giants cultivating magic beans). Plus, the dwarf axe gives Tiny a name, which Leroy points out only happens for dwarfs.

So, Emma, Henry, and Gold are heading to NYC where we know Neal is living. So, most likely they’ll run into him. Greg and Belle both saw magic and now know it’s being covered up. Regina is evil again, and Tiny is an honorary dwarf.

Please leave comments and reblog! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future reviews.

@searchingwardrobes​​​ @thisonesatellite​​​ @justbecauseyoubelievesomething​​​ @laschatzi​​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​​ @mariakov81​

[shadowstepper]

So do you think Ardyn could beat Ganondorf?

The short answer is, maybe.

The long answer is down below.

If you mean do I think my Ardyn can best @daemoniumganondorf ‘s Ganondorf? I mean maybe but I’m having fun with the thread as it is, regardless of a win or loss.

I’m no mathematician so I can’t really bring out the science to support this. This is really observations, readings, and some speculation. You’ll see the last one clearly.

So let’s talk weaknesses first. Ganondorf has the obvious weakness to holy weapons and holy magics. The Master Sword and Silver Arrows are the obvious candidates there. While he is technically able to be harmed by most other weapons, only holy weapons can specifically capitalize on his weakness.

Ardyn on the other hand is not expressly stated to be weak to holy magics. Lunafreya’s healing touch might have been something he averted simply because it would rid him of the Starscourge and thus his greatest power. When Bahamut tortured him, he did so with a vision of Aera stabbing him with the Trident of the Oracle. Despite being a Royal Arm, it is not explicitly to be holy by any means. 

So Ardyn’s weakness to holy means is kind of up in the air. If he is vulnerable to it, then Ganondorf has a way to exploit that. If not, then I suppose he doesn’t.

Now let’s talk arsenal. Ganondorf is a master swordsman and warlock, and his training by the Twinrova Witches has come very much in handy. This is further magnified by being a reincarnation of Demise and having control over the Triforce of Power. His swords can channel his magical power, and even then he’s still a master swordsman after all. He can easily wield two swords at once and fight on horseback with no effort.

Even without the Triforce of Power, Ganondorf has numerous magical abilities. He can summon phantoms to fight alongside him, possess foes, fly, and teleport just to name a few. Plus it is implied (at least I think it is I could be wrong and if so my bad) that he can access powers he’s had across his numerous lifetimes, including his Twilight magic and Malice magic.

The Triforce grants Ganondorf more abilities, including unlimited magical power, superhuman strength, immortality, and near-invulnerability. Along with his transformations and all the power they confer without costing Ganondorf any of his intellect.

Speaking of, Ganondorf is incredibly intelligent, clever, and cunning. He was able to manipulate the rulers of the world and Link into giving him access to the Sacred Realm where the Triforce lay. While the complete relic rejected him, Power stayed with him. He has also controlled the minds of both Zant and Zelda.

Beyond his magic, Ganondorf wields the Swords of Demise, his Dark Trident, and even the Sword of the Sages. If you’ve played Twilight Princess, you know that Ganondorf was impaled with this very sword, only to then break his restrains and kill the Sage who had impaled him. He kept the sword afterward and is able to use it.

Meaning he has his own holy weapon in his arsenal. That’s important.

Now there is more to talk about but let’s cut to Ardyn and cover his arsenal. Like Ganondorf, Ardyn is an expert manipulator and deceiver. He played his way into becoming the Chancellor of Niflheim, despite having no interest in Imperial rule. He did this by helping them create their magitek army, something that was impossible to do without his aid. He also created daemons for them to weaponize, such as the Diamond Weapons. 

For weaponry, Ardyn has the Royal Arms and various magical skills at his disposal. The Royal Arms are specific to the Lucis Caelum bloodline and cannot be used by anyone outside of it. In essence, it’s a skill he always has at all times and he cannot be robbed of. Having an armoury of ethereal blades at your call that can’t be taken from you is a pretty nice thing to have.

However, are they holy weapons? There is a bit of a contradiction on this. The Royal Arms Noctis collects during the game are all non-elemental, so the answer is no right? Well they are also extremely effective against daemons, which are supposed to be twisted creatures of darkness. Hence my calling it a contradiction.

For the sake of this scenario, let’s assume the Royal Arms are not holy by any measure and thus cannot exploit Ganondorf’s weakness to holy means.

Next, let’s talk magic. In the world of FF15, to cast magic you need a magic flask to draw magical energy from. Ardyn is an exception to this as he does not need any flasks to cast his magical power. Why this is is unknown, but his power is devastating nonetheless. It’s not clear if he has a finite reserve or not, but given that he doesn’t need flasks at all it could be assumed that he has unlimited magical power.

That’s a stretch I know but that’s why I said some of this is speculation. Ganondorf has multiple games alone over many years so he has the proof to back up many claims and theories about his power. Ardyn only has one game, one episode, and one book by comparison. Just not an equal pool of information to draw from.

Anyway, Ardyn’s main element is darkness but he can also cast energy beams from his palms, summon meteorites from the sky, temporarily turn into miasma, (gaining the ability to teleport and fly while in this form though this is independent of his own warping ability via his bloodline) temporarily halt time, disguise himself as anyone he wishes, (regardless of having daemonized them given how he transformed into Noctis, Prompto, and Gladiolus on separate occasions) and more powers in his repertoire. 

Now let’s talk strength and durability. Now I’m not sure of any explicitly physical feats of strength from Ganondorf but given that the Triforce of Power grants him superhuman strength and he can use his dark magics to augment his physical attacks, well those muscles are certainly not for show. He is strong enough to create shockwaves with a punch though so that’s something.

Ardyn likewise is no slouch in physical strength either. Despite two thousand years of captivity, Ardyn was cutting down Kingsguard members in minutes after being released and his strength was so grand that he easily bested Regis and Somnus, shocking them with just how powerful he was. Ardyn was also able to keep up with Noctis while he had the power of Providence, easily countering his blows and even pinning him down at one point.

Since Ardyn is also implied (I think so anyway, don’t quote me on that) to have superhuman strength, I’m not sure who to give this one to. I feel like it would still be Ganondorf though since he can boost his own strength further with his dark magic and Ardyn cannot. At least not according to my research.

Next, durability. Ganondorf has survived some pretty insane things. There was the aforementioned impaling along with surviving being stabbed in the face with the Master Sword, his castle collapsing on top of him and Hyrule Castle exploding on him. That is some serious durability right there. Granted, he is still not wholly invulnerable but he’s far from a pushover.

Plus it specifically takes holy means to kill Ganondorf and even then that’s no guarantee of victory.

Ardyn may be immune to physical pain, or at least extremely resistant to it. Despite being slashed across the face by Gladiolus and then immediately shot in the heart by Prompto, Ardyn just got back up, picked up his hat, and was on his way unharmed. Even assuming he’s only resistant to physical pain, Ardyn’s true durability lies in his immortality. 

After being rejected by the Crystal, Ardyn’s soul became trapped in the beyond. Because of this, whenever his body died, he would simply come back as his soul could not die without someone going into the Astral Realm and striking him down there. But since you had to be dead or a god to go there, that wasn’t happening anytime soon. 

With this effective immortality, Ardyn has returned from being frozen solid by Shiva and then shattered by Noctis. He was back to normal and taunting Noct all over again literally minutes later. Gladio and Prompto’s attacks should have killed him, yet he just shrugged them off and came right back. His weakness to the supernatural may have just been an act for all we know, and there’s no way to really confirm that he is vulnerable to holy means.

So Ardyn gets the durability advantage. Next, speed.

Ganondorf can keep up with Link, who is capable of dodging Beamos lasers. According to DEATH BATTLE, Link can move and react at at least 11% the speed of light. That’s pretty impressive still and Ganondorf can certainly reach that speed.

Ardyn doesn’t have any speed feats to compare but he has his warping ability that is specific to his bloodline (though Kings of Lucis can share this power with their Kingsguard soldiers if they so choose). Since Nocits frequently uses the Warp-Strike ability to get around and in fights, and Ardyn has shown he can do the same, this could be argued his speed stat.

But since Ganondorf is keeping his speed in movement essentially all the time while Ardyn’s is only specifically available via warping, I’d say Ganondorf has the speed advantage.

Finally, we come to power. And this is a tricky one. As DEATH BATTLE reasoned, the Triforce of Power comes from the goddess Din, who created the world itself. Scaling the Triforce of Power directly to Din’s creation feat means Ganondorf could potentially command planet-level scales of power. 

But potentially is the key word.

For Ardyn, he definitely does not have any powers that scale to that level. Though he did succeed in spreading the Starscourge across the world and essentially conquering it, that doesn’t mean he has the power to destroy it. We could scale him to Bahamut however but even that is tricky.

Bahamut is the king of the gods in FF15 and he has an all-powerful attack that would obliterate all life on Eos. How exactly he does this without destroying the planet is unknown but let’s assume it can destroy the planet as well. According to the Dawn of the Future AU book, Bahamut tried to use this attack 2,000 years prior to destroy the Starscourge but the other gods blocked it. It takes Bahamut millennia to recharge this attack so it is definitely something he doesn’t want to use casually. 

In the book, he plans to use the darkness-infected Lunafreya to charge up the attack and use it again. While he succeeds, it is still blocked. As Ardyn is responsible for striking down Bahamut in this alternate version of the story, it could be argued that he has greater power than Bahamut and therefore greater than Ganondorf by comparison. 

But while Ganondorf’s is logical and even feasible, Ardyn’s is not and requires a lot of speculation and stretching. However it is stated that Ardyn increases in power with each person he absorbs. Theoretically, he could absorb enough to be more powerful than Ganondorf. But there’s no way to tell exactly how many people would be needed for that. So the edge for power goes to Ganondorf as his measures are more clear cut.

Let’s run through the rest quickly. For experience, this is tricky. Ganondorf has, in theory, more formal training than Ardyn thanks to his tutelage under the Twinrova Witches. Ardyn however gains the memories of those he daemonizes and absorbs so with that could come combat skill and new abilities. He specifically learned how to fight hand-to-hand so he wouldn’t have to rely on his Royal Arms and thus expose his true heritage in the process. 

Ganondorf’s is clearer but limited, Ardyn’s is theoretical but limitless. I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

Next, versatility. Ganondorf has more magic than Ardyn, but Ardyn has more weapons. Do they balance out? No I’d say Ganondorf has this one thanks to his greater magical power and variety.

I could keep going but this is long enough. In summary, I’d say Ganondorf would win. But I said maybe at the start cause it’s more of a 60/40 chance here. Ganondorf has more consistency on his side and that affords him some leeway. There’s still so many unknowns about Ardyn and we may never get them answered. 

Ardyn still has a good chance. He could take the Sword of the Sages for instance and turn it on Ganondorf. It might work, it might not, but it would exploit his weakness to holy means so that’s a possibility. But still, I’d say Ganondorf has this one more often than not.