#can we just let things be more complicated than dress=woman?

[mootmuse]

time to vent: can we enjoy male characters who canonically explore dressing fem without deciding as a fandom that they're not men anymore, please? can we enjoy that kind of exploration happening without immediately deciding pretty clothes decide who a character is? or at least, please tag your posts calling them women with something. as a trans guy who even in an ideal world probably wouldn't ever pass, who'd love to be able to wear skirts without being called a woman for it, that shit hurts.

[gabgabwrites]

GREEN EYED PSYCHO | Patrick Bateman

summary ⇝ Patrick wasn’t fond when he found out you were going to Dorsia with Paul, one of his least favourite people ever, so he decided he’d take things into his own hands to scratch that insatiable itch.

warnings ⇝ starts out with Paul like a lot of Paul, language, jealousy drinking, death, murder, gore, blood, literal psychos… reader is kinda ditzy, mdni

based off this ask

dead dove do not eat <- just in case.

please note this fic is triggering, if you cannot handle reading about literal murder happening before your very eyes, then this one isn’t for you! You have been warned.

Paul Allen had invited you to Dorsia, fucking Dorsia for dinner, and Patrick was livid. You and Patrick had a complicated relationship to say the least. You didn't have a label, yet. He was so drawn by your beauty then trapped by your insanity.

Patrick bit down on his bottom lip once you had left to go for this dinner, violent and gruesome thoughts flooded his mind. Yet here you sat, under the twinkling lights of Dorsia, its expensiveness you could barely touch.

Paul sat across from you, a charming smile on his pale, sharp face. He was gorgeous, yes, and he had on a well-tailored and no doubt expensive suit that accentuated his features. It was a dark black with blue undertones, double-breasted as well. His dark brown hair was smoothed back, like a wave of auburn.

"You look beautiful tonight," he said, raising his champagne glass and offering a suave smile.

"Thank you, Paul," you replied, raising your glass before taking a sip. The rich flavors, sweet yet bitter, swirled on your tongue before dipping into your throat.

"You're welcome," he responded smoothly, setting his glass down after drinking. His grey eyes scanned your figure, studying every detail about you. "That dress looks wonderful on you," he complimented. "Who's the designer?"

You batted your eyelashes, a giggle pouring from your lips. "McQueen," you said, your fingers flicking at the lush, pastel blue fabric.

Paul raised his brows slowly, his grey eyes lighting up. "Alexander McQueen?" He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. "That's a fantastic designer. Very expensive as well."

"The one and only," you nodded. "It was a gift."

"From a past boyfriend?" Paul guessed, a smirk pulling at the edge of his lips as he glanced down at the table to adjust his suit sleeve.

You shook your head. "Step-mother."

"Oh?" The smirk on Paul's face didn't disappear. In fact, it only grew as he propped his chin up on a fist. "Your step-mother?" he repeated, a hint of amusement in his tone as he raised a brow.

"Yes, Paul, you know. The woman who married my father?"

"Yes, I'm aware of what a stepmother is," he responded with a chuckle. "But it's not very often that you hear of a stepmother buying her stepdaughter pricey gifts like McQueen."

"What can I say? We just have a great bond," you shrugged.

"That's wonderful to hear," he replied, taking another sip of his wine. Paul seemed to be enjoying himself tonight, eyeing you from across the table like a puma ready to pounce on its prey. "Any other designer pieces in your wardrobe?"

"Just a Hermes bag, but that's all for big brand names."

"Ah, Hermes," he leaned back in his booth, crossing his arms as the smirk on his face widened. "Another expensive brand. It seems your wardrobe is worth more than most people's annual salaries."

You snickered at his words. "Paul, may I ask why you invited me out to dinner?"

The smirk disappeared from Paul's face at your question, his face morphing into a look of nonchalance. He took a sip of his wine, setting the empty glass on the table. "I wanted to treat a pretty woman to an expensive dinner," he responded smoothly. "Is that wrong?"

"No, Paul. Not at all," you smiled, just as the waiter came to take your first order.

"Let's see," Paul grabbed the menu. It was made of brown leather and had golden letters etched into it, like an iron-branded pig, just luxurious. "I'll have your finest steak, and seasonal vegetables, and how about a side of the carbs too, and the lady will have the lobster with the hand-cut potato wedges, and a side of greens."

You didn't mind that Paul ordered for you. You just laced your fingers together and rested your chin on them, watching the waiter walk off with the menus.

"So, Paul," you began, trying to pierce through the polished veneer he always presented. "What have you been up to lately?"

He smiled, a glint of something unreadable in his eyes. "Oh, the usual. Business meetings, networking events, a bit of travel here and there. How about you?"

"Not much. Just trying to keep up with life. It's been hectic," you replied.

Paul reached across the table and took your hand, his touch cool and firm. "You deserve a break. Maybe we could take a trip together sometime," he suggested, his voice low and intimate.

Your heart skipped a beat at the suggestion, though you couldn't help but wonder about his true intentions. "That sounds lovely," you said, trying to keep your tone light.

The conversation continued, flowing easily despite the undercurrent of tension. Paul was a master of charm, effortlessly keeping you engaged with stories of his travels and business ventures. Yet, every so often, his eyes would darken, and you could sense something deeper lurking beneath the surface.

The waiter returned with your meals, placing the beautifully plated dishes in front of you. The lobster looked succulent, and the aroma of the steak made your mouth water.

"Bon appétit," Paul said, raising his glass once more.

"To a wonderful evening," you replied, clinking your glass against his.

As you ate, you couldn't shake the feeling that Paul was studying you, assessing your every move. It was both flattering and unnerving. You tried to focus on the delicious food, but your mind kept drifting back to Paul's enigmatic smile and piercing gaze.

Paul watched as you let your head roll back once you took a bite, a small moan left your lips, the lobster was buttery and fell apart in your mouth, it was silky and one of, if not, the best thing you've ever tasted. Your tongue darted out to lick the corner of your mouth, retrieving a small droplet of butter. "This is so..."

"Insufferable," Patrick grumbled, his fingers digging into the couch to fuck the white fabric in. A strand of his hair dangled over his forehead, out of place, imperfect, uncontrolled. That's how Patrick felt, he didn't feel in a lot of control.

He stood up to admire his handiwork, all couches and the floor were covered in white tarp. He fixed his red tie, straightening it, before walking to his kitchen. At the back, he had a display of artillery, each one shiny metal, and silky black.

The potatoes were just as good, crunchy golden and cooked to perfection on the outside, and soft and pillowy on the inside, tasting like garlic and thyme. "Mmm, why hadn't I come here sooner? Pat would love this place," you hummed.

"Pat?"

You blinked your eyes open and stared at Paul. "Yes, as in Patrick."

"Who's Patrick, and Patrick who?"

"Patrick. Patrick Bateman, we're sorta seeing each other," you dabbed the serviette on your bottom lip.

You watched as Paul's bottom teeth scraped the inside of his bottom lip in slight distaste. "And you didn't tell me? You're dating that asshole in my department?" His fingers curled around the polished silver wear.

"I didn't think it would matter, and Patrick's sweet, deep down. Plus, we're not even official."

Paul sighed. Paul's charming smile returned, though it was now tinged with something darker, a subtle edge that hadn't been there before. "I see. Well, I suppose everyone has their secrets," he said, his voice smooth but carrying an undertone of something you couldn’t quite place.

Back in his apartment, Patrick's mood was anything but relaxed. His fingers tapped rhythmically on the sleek, black countertop as he sipped a glass of scotch. The pristine apartment, with its minimalist design and high-end furnishings, felt like a cage tonight. He couldn't shake the image of you at dinner with Paul from his mind.

"Paul Allen," he muttered to himself, his voice low and dangerous. The name tasted bitter on his tongue. Paul was a rival, not just in business, but now in his personal life as well. The thought of you with Paul made his blood boil.

Patrick picked up a sleek, black knife, feeling the weight of it in his hand. The cold metal was comforting, a reminder of his power and control. He envisioned a hundred different ways to make Paul pay for his insolence, each scenario more violent than the last. But he knew he had to be careful, calculated. Paul was well-connected, and any rash actions could bring unwanted attention.

Setting the knife back down, Patrick took a deep breath, trying to calm the raging storm inside him. He couldn't afford to let his emotions get the better of him. Not now. He needed a plan, something that would not only remove Paul from the picture but also solidify his own position.

As he pondered his next move, Patrick's thoughts turned back to you. You were the one bright spot in his otherwise bleak existence, the one person who made him feel something other than anger and emptiness. He couldn't let Paul take you away. He wouldn't.

You felt a flicker of discomfort. Paul's reaction seemed a bit too intense for something as simple as your dating life. Trying to steer the conversation back to safer ground, you asked, "So, tell me more about your recent travels. Anywhere exciting?"

He leaned back, his expression softening slightly. "Actually, I just got back from a business trip in Tokyo. The city is incredible—so vibrant and full of life. I had meetings during the day, but the nights were my own to explore. The food, the culture, the energy—it's all so different from here."

"That sounds amazing. I've always wanted to visit Japan," you said, genuinely interested, hoping to keep the conversation light.

"You should. It's a place like no other," Paul said, his gaze softening as he recounted his experiences. "One night, I found this tiny sushi place off the beaten path. It was the best meal I've ever had. The chef was a master, each piece of sushi a work of art."

"Wow, that sounds incredible," you replied, imagining the scene. "I'd love to experience that."

"Maybe we can go together someday," Paul suggested, his eyes locking onto yours. There was a sincerity in his voice that caught you off guard.

"Maybe," you said, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. Despite his occasional intensity, there was something undeniably magnetic about Paul.

The conversation shifted to lighter topics, and you found yourself relaxing once more. The food, the ambiance, and Paul's charm all worked together to create an unforgettable evening. As you finished your meal, Paul signaled for the waiter and ordered a bottle of their finest dessert wine.

"You've really outdone yourself tonight, Paul," you said, raising your glass in a toast.

"To memorable nights," Paul replied, clinking his glass against yours. "And to more of them in the future."

You smiled, feeling a genuine connection with him despite the undercurrent of mystery that seemed to surround him. As the evening drew to a close, you both stepped out into the cool night air, the bustling sounds of the city wrapping around you.

"Let me walk you to your car," Paul offered, his hand lightly touching the small of your back.

"That would be nice," you said, feeling a warmth spread through you at his touch. You walked side by side, the conversation continuing effortlessly. As you reached your car, Paul turned to face you, his eyes intense.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," he said softly, his hand still resting on your back.

"Me too," you replied, your heart racing a little. "Thank you for dinner. It was amazing."

"Let's do this again soon," Paul suggested, his gaze never leaving yours.

"I'd like that," you said, smiling up at him. In the cool night, a vibrant sound cut the silence. Your phone buzzed away in your purse. You fished it out and pressed answer. "Hello?"

"Come to my apartment, now," Patrick demanded, his words were angry and a definite command, but his tone was steady. "Bring Paul."

"May I ask why?"

"You have ten minutes," Patrick hung up on you, leaving you to pout before turning back to Paul.

"Actually, would you mind coming with me?" you asked, gesturing towards your car with a sly smile. Paul, intrigued and slightly aroused by the sudden shift in the evening's tone, smirked back, his eyes glinting with curiosity and something else.

"Oh? Can't get enough of me? Sure, sweet thing, I'll go with you," you gave him a big smile as you unlocked the vehicle. Paul climbed into the passengers side.

It was a seven minute drive, before you pulled up to the fancy apartments. Paul practically cornered you in the elevator, eyes hungry as he stared at you, like a starved lion staring and a lonesome gazelle.

Patrick was no where to be found, the apartment was silent. "How about we sit? Hm?" You asked Paul as you walked over to the couch, throwing your purse on the armrest before sinking into the couch, growing at the slightly scratchy tarp, the floor was also covered, except with old newspapers and magazines.

"What's with the couches? Why are they covered?" Paul asked? Walking over as he took his blazer off, folding it over the couch before sitting down, knees knocking into yours.

"It's a fashion statement, I guess. Whiskey?" You asked, plucking a crystal glass off silver tray that Patrick had on the coffee table. "It's bourbon."

"I prefer Scotch, but yes," you poured him a glass, he took it before taking a sip, rich flavours dancing on his tongue. "It tastes cheap."

"Oh no, no. If there's one thing Patty doesn't like, is cheap alcohol," and suddenly, the drink tasted bitter on Paul's tongue, but he swallowed it down. You lay your head on your hands, your arm resting on the couch as you stared at Paul with a smile.

Paul shook his head, before placing the glass down. He looked at you, blue eyes sweltering, until his breath fanned your face. "You do look beautiful tonight, absolutely breathtaking."

His fingers brushed along the expanse of your thigh. His lips drawing nearer and nearer. Until footsteps were heard from around the house, nearing the two of you. Your lips pulled down in a small frown.

"What is Marcus Halberstram doing here?" Paul asked.

You frowned in confusion before turning to see. However, standing there was Patrick.

Paul had always thought Patrick was Marcus and Marcus was Patrick since they had the same job, dressed the same and went to the same barber.

Patrick was wearing a double breasted black suit, with a red tie neatly tucked into it, a white, mesh rain coat buttoned around his chest. Your eyebrows sunk in confusion as to why the unusual attire and was about to ask, when Patrick started to speak, taking swift strides as he walked over to the wall unit where he had a decent size collection of CDs. "You like Huey Lewis and the News?"

"They're okay," Paul spoke, before downing the rest of his drink and pouring another.

"Their early work was a little too New Wave for my taste. But then Sports came out in 1983, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically."

You watched Patrick ramble, pulling out a disc from a Huey Lewis and the News album and place it delicately in the CD player, 'Hip to be Square' started playing just as Patrick exited.

You turned to Paul, the newspapers under your feet crinkled at your actions. "Why is he here? I thought it was just you and I tonight?" Paul asked.

"I...it's his apartment. I'm sorry, I do hope you'd forgive me," with platonic motives, you placed a hand sweetly on his knee.

Paul chose not to ask why Marcus was in your house when you'd spoken of Patrick, instead he lifted a hand and cradled the smooth skin of your jaw, falling victim to your alluring gaze. "It's alright," his state darkened. "I can think of a few ways to forgive you."

"And how's that?" Your voice was soft and saccharine.

Patrick went to his bathroom and scooped up an axe in his grip. When his eyes settled onto you and Paul, so close together, in what looked like intimate moment, he was furious, anger bubbler under his skin but he plastered on a smile on his tanned skin, his loafers strode against the tiled floor as he swung the axe over his shoulder to rest on the bone.

“Hey, Paul?” Patrick’s voice broke the moment, Paul’s warmth shifted away from yours as he turned to Patrick, sheer horror burst on his features before blood, blood sprayed everywhere as Patrick let out a manic scream.

You shrieked, twisting yourself to get up from the couch. “Patrick! My dress! You’ve ruined my dress!” You gasped, the once pretty, soft blue was stained red, so was your check and a portion of your arm. “You know how hard it is to get blood out?”

Patrick grunted as he let his arms swing the axe into Paul’s limp body once more before chucking it to the side, chest thumping as he let out deep breaths like a savage beast, dressed in a tux. “We’ll get a new one.”

“But Patty, this was a gift from Anne, my step-mother,” you pouted, still frowning at the dirty fabric.

A vice grip found way on your chin, Patrick gripping the bone, forcing you to look at him. An angry storm swirled beneath his brown eyes. “I said we’ll get a fucking new one,” he spat before turning you around to face the very much dead Paul. “Look at him.”

You winced under his hold, staring at the body that still twitched from muscle memory.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Patrick, I didn’t mean—,” you rambled.

“I know,” Patrick sighed before his grip loosened and his arms were around you, your body pressing against his chest as he enveloped you in a hug from behind.

You spun around, no longer caring about the expensive dress and threw your arms around Patrick, a cheery smile spread across your blood coated face. “That was incredibly sexy.”

Patrick raised an eyebrow, lifting a hand to your face where his thumb grazed your bottom lip, gathering both the red, slightly purple lipstick from your lips and the bright red blood. “I thought someone with a sick and twisted mind like you would this so.”

You just giggled before planting your lips firm on his, allowing yourself to taste his lips that were always minty, always fresh. You found yourself getting lost in the kiss, both easily forgetting the dead human on the living room floor.

“Mm, I love you, Patty,” you said in the kiss.

“And I love you more, princess,” the kissing slowly died down before you had to help Patrick squeeze Paul into a dustbin bag, holding his hand the whole time he chucked the bag into a dumpster.

“We should do this again!” You squealed.

Patrick let out a breath before looking at you, under the night sky illuminated by a distant street lamp, in the alley. His fingers brushed away some hair on your cheek that clung to the drying blood. “Anything for you.”

[lovrsm]

ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜꜱ

sum: in which your brother invites you to a party, and oh god, you're so glad you accepted.

word count: 2.4k

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

warnings: drinking, curse words & insinuation of cheating.

Spotify - Apple Music

ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ - ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪɪ - ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ᴀᴜ

"you should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk"

Monaco was such a lovely place, when my brother had told me about it I thought he was exaggerating. I mean, it wouldn't be that weird if he had, he's always excited about everything, he's the kind of guy who makes you see as if the world is made of bright rainbow colors, and I believe him.

I arrived from the airport about 2 hours ago, I was on my way to the hotel where Lando was staying, he told me he got another room for me. How could I say no?

He called me yesterday at about 3pm

"No, I'm telling you, IT WILL BE THE PARTY OF THE YEAR!" he screamed over the phone, making me laugh.

"Lando, I just came from signing with my sponsors, they expect me to write more songs in a 4 months period, you know how complicated that's going to be?" I exhaled, taking off my heels, tossing them across the room as I lay down on the couch. I was exhausted.

"C'mon, you'll have plenty of things to write songs about, look, I can already hear it!" he started to hum a catchy tone, making the corners of my mouth go up. "Lando... Jake won't be able to be there, god, I don't even know if he'll want me to be there, you know?"

I could already see him in the doorway telling me where am I.

Sure, he was on canada filming, but what if he finds out?

"I'm not even letting you say no, I'm already booking tickets, get all you need, you can even shop here if you want, I just want my sister with me tomorrow night with me"

"You better go get me at the airport Lando Norris."

"I wont let you down peanut" He chuckled and hung up on me.

Well he kinda let me down, he couldn't come get me due to some last minute meeting he had. I don't really mind, I know having a busy life is exhausting.

I thanked the taxi driver giving his a generous tip, my bodyguard helped me get out my suitcases, I had a hoodie and black sunglasses, he had a casual outfit so we wouldn't stand out.

For being a top artist in the whole world, I did not like having that much security. But it was an obligation, not an option, I had to stick to what my manager and team asks me to do.

_

After a busy day of shopping and walking around the streets, I could barely feel my feet. I had gotten a beautiful short red dress. Perfect fit for the occasion. It was just 7p.m. and Lando had texted me he was on his way to my dorm.

The door opened to reveal my very festive brother in the other side "You're here!" "I'm here!" I screamed back jumping into his arms.

We catched up, he was telling me about how he checked the track, for the next season, since we were in December. Although I never really understood racing, when we were kids our parents would take us out to the karts, and I'd always crash while he was beating all of us who tried to play.

He focused on sports and I focused on music, since I was 12 years old I learned to play the guitar. My mom used to tell me that I was a genius at writing songs, I guess many people think the same.

Time passed by too fast, with him I felt like an hour were just 5 minutes.

After hating each other all our childhood, we became closer than ever after my career and his took off. I think it was because we were twins, we hated it when people said we acted the same, because physically we are not alike at all. I am so much prettier, obviously.

it was already 8 o'clock "I'm leaving, I should get ready, do you wanna come with me?"

"I'd stopped talking to you if you let me get there alone, I know none of these guys Lando."

"I'm sure you'll know somebody miss famous." He bumped my shoulder and left my room, entering to his which was next door.

I took my time getting ready. God, I love being a woman. I took a bath, fixed my hair, put on my make-up and finally there was the dress, hanging on the bathroom door. I think it is one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen in my life.

How did I manage to put on the mini dress correctly by myself? I don't even know, but I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. God if only someone could look at me.

Oh wait! There is someone, I grabbed my phone to click his name, my phone started to ring. I waited patiently, but he did not answer. So I called him once more, this time he did answer.

I heard loud music and singing in the back. "What do you need?" he asked, I could hear the irritation in his voice. "I wanted to hear from you, we haven't talked-"

"We talked last Monday, wasn't that enough? I'm busy." He interrupted me.

"Where are you?" I asked intrigued this time.

"Uhm... I'm in the bar with some friends"

"Oh and that's just more important than your girlfriend?" I raised my voice at him, I was now sitting the edge on the bed.

"Look, I don't want to fight, just call me later." He said, basically hanging the phone. "Jake..." I said before he could do so.

"What?" He sounded desperate. "Take care." I said.

"Ok" He hung. I felt disgusted, why? not idea, I just felt dirty, as if I was forcing him to talk to me. I took some deep breathes so I could calm my nerves down.

I don't even want to go out anymore.

I tried hard not to cry, I wasn't going to ruin my makeup over some small argument, I'm sure tomorrow we'll be alright, we always end up alright.

It felt as an eternity till I heard a knock on my door, I quickly grabbed my bag, looked in the mirror once more to fix my dark wavy hair, and rushed to the door. I opened it, in the side was Lando, his back on the wall while he was looking at his phone.

He turned it off and looked at me, I smiled "Ready to go Peanut?"

"Lets go"

_

We finally got to the club, electronic music was blasting off, people were already drunk, and boy they didn't even tried to hide it.

We had to basically run to the VIP area, I didn't said anything to my bodyguard about this, besides, he can use a break.

Lando was immediately greeted by everyone who was in the room. "LANDO!" A man screamed to him "Ayee, we're here!" He said hugging the man, and patting him in the back. "you're so late, you were the only ones missing!"

"we're here Pierre, I'd like to present to you all my sister!" He hugged me by the side and I waved with a smile on my face. It seemed that most of them recognized me, because some of them just stood there in shock "Hey everyone, ready to get wasted?" I laughed, that made them less tense and cheered, lifting their cups.

Lando gave a me a sweet kiss in my head, "see, you'll be fine, have some fun peanut!" I let go and we both went our own way.

I started to talk to a girl, her name is Kika, I learnt she was the girlfriend of a guy named Pierre Gasly. I've heard about him but no one ever told me how fun his girlfriend was!

"Girl, you should try this margarita, the most wholesome thing you'll have in your life!"

She was not kidding with that. In a few minutes, I had asked for... about 5 of them, or maybe just 13.

I had talked to everyone in the room by 10 pm, they were all so fun, and the energy was of another planet.

"Yeah, and then Max would make that grumpy face. I swear he looks like and old man!"

"very mature Lando, so mature." I bursted out laughing. "LECLERC HAS ARRIVED!" I heard someone scream in the entrance, and in seconds half of the group was there greeting the guy.

I decided I was going to take something else than a margarita. I walked up to the bartender, who definitely did not understood me. I don't know if I was speaking too softly or if I was just way too drunk to talk, but I decided to leave, I turned around and bumped into someone.

I was about to loose my balance till his arms were wrapped around my waist, I was able to stand straight. "are you alright?" he asked.

I looked into his eyes, green eyes "what?"was all I could manage. "Are you alright?" He asked again, I now noticed a thick accent, I bursted out laughing for that.

He looked so confused, he let go and chuckled with me. For a second it was as if the whole club was quiet. I looked again at him, and I immediately looked down at the floor. He grabbed my hand, the lights went out for a second and my world spun. My legs were about to give up.

His touch was... it was, god I can't even say it.

"I'm Charles, what's your name?"

I bit my lip, what went out of my mouth was definitely not what I wanted to say. "Do you always talk like that?" I asked a bit to seriously, I chuckled so that I wasn't that rude.

"Yeah, my first language isn't english."

"Huh." I said, I felt as if he had a goddamn magnetic field and it was pulling me towards him, I couldn't stand it.

I ran off to the other side of the room, leaving him standing alone next to the bar.

_

All night.

All night I couldn't stop thinking about him, his hand touching my hand in the darkened room...

and I made fun of the way he talked.

I'm never drinking again.

Yet there I was, in the bar once more, asking for whiskey. Mature, so mature.

I kept bouncing back and forth between the people there, once I saw Charles walking to my way, I would ran to the other side of the room.

I have a boyfriend for gods sake! I can't be thinking these unhealthy things about him.

But, I mean, can you blame me?

Look at him.

His first two buttons were unbottened which made him look so attractive. And you should see his dimples, he's so gorgeous it actually fucking hurts!

"So you're not going to talk to me?" I heard a voice behind my ear. His chest touching my back. I didn't move, but I did answer.

"Who said I wasn't going to?" I asked playfully, with a grin on my face, knowing he couldn’t see me.

He hummed in my ear, before he turned me to look him in the eye, he grabbed my neck, but he didn't kiss me. Instead, he brought his lips back to my ear.

"Then why do you keep running, huh?" His hot breath sent a shiver down my spine. I was dumbfolded by his actions, he took a step back to look at me.

I looked into his eyes, I was absolutely taking him in. I looked at his dimples because of the grin he had in his face. His eyebrows, his slightly sweaty hair, with pieces of it falling into his face.

I couldn't help myself, I noticed how he looked into my eyes, and then to my mouth.

What if..?

I asked to myself, I closed my eyes and got closer to him, waiting for a kiss. But he grabbed me by my hips pulling me back.

"You're far too drunk, ma chou" I heard and opened my eyes, he gave me a sympathetic smile. I felt dumb for a second, but after seeing his face... I think I might be falling.

"Why don't we leave, would you like that?" I hugged him, my head in his neck. I nodded as fast as I could. He grabbed me and in a second, we were in his car.

For sure the alcohol got to my head that night.

_

Taglist

[amongemeraldclouds]

better than revenge | chapter eight: silver lining

Lorenzo Berkshire x Reader

Series trope: Fake dating 

Chapter eight summary: Going to a ball with Enzo, you play a game to keep things interesting. 1k words.

Warning: Fluff, no use of y/n, suggestive.

♡ main masterlist

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

“My lady,” Enzo smiles at me, arm outstretched to take my hand, the other poised behind him.

I giggle and take his hand. “Why, thank you my lord.”

We walk up the stairs into the ornate ballroom, glistening in white and gold. The place is flush with velvet, silk, and other fineries adorning the room and guests with their bright smiles and heads held high. 

“It’s been years since I’ve been to one of these,” I remark, taking in the grandeur.

“I promise it will be a fun evening,” Enzo reassures me. “Why has it been so long?”

“My mother loved these events and used to take me with her all the time,” I smile at the memory. “When she passed away, her memory haunted me whenever I tried to go. It wasn’t the same anymore. She was radiant, Enzo. An unforgettable woman,” I gush.

“She must be,” he agrees, “to have such a wonderful daughter take after her.”

I lean into him, “oh come now, no one will hear our conversation. No need to say that for The Book.”

“Okay,” he says, “but I mean it.”

I grab a champagne flute to try to hide my blush.

After greeting everyone we knew, we settle into a corner of the ballroom. “So how exactly are we going to make it fun?” I ask.

“Let’s play a game of guess the conversation. Let’s pick people chatting together and try and guess what they’re saying based on how their lips move.”

The champagne fizzing on my tongue makes me bold. “What if we take it to the next level? Would you be able to guess what I say if I move my lips against yours?”

Enzo meets my eyes and visibly blushes. I grin at him, “maybe that’s should be our game,” I say, moving my lips to his ear. “Who can make each other blush the most?”

Mischief glints at the corner of his eye, “oh you’re on.”

“May I have this dance?” He asks as the music starts up.

We make our way to the dance floor and join the crowd. Enzo places his hand on my waist and holds my other hand. I rest my free hand on his shoulder and we move to the music.

“I’ll go first,” Enzo says. “You look really beautiful tonight.”

“Okay, new rule. You must only say what’s true and not for the sake of the game. Deal?”

“Sure,” he agrees. “I still stand by what I said.”

“Well you’re not too bad either in that suit. You look very princely, but I bet those clothes would look better on the bedroom floor.”

He chuckles, “oh we’re going there? Well, I think if you call me a prince…instead of calling you my princess, would you rather I call you a good girl?”

“Hmm that depends, you can’t call me a good girl when I want to do bad things to you.”

Enzo closes his eyes and groans. “You know bad girls get punished, how would you like to learn your lesson?”

“Using mnemonics,” I quip. “Which, as we’ve established, is not a made up word.”

Enzo laughs at my change in subject. “Thanks for coming here with me tonight. Now everyone in high society knows I’ve claimed you as mine.”

“Oh?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I did not wink, unless you’d like me to?” 

I smirk and focus on our dance. Beneath the glowing chandelier and the intoxicating buzz of champagne in my veins, it’s getting more and more difficult to rein in my restraints.

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

“Thank you,” I tell Enzo after he walks me to my dorm.

“I should be thanking you, this phase of The Book is a success.”

“A lot of words were said tonight,” I begin and Enzo blushes at the memory.

“We don’t have to actually do anything, words can just be words,” he says gently.

I nod and wish him good night. As he turns and takes a few steps away from me, I hesitate. “Wait, Enzo.”

He looks back at me expectantly.

“Will you help me with my dress? It’s quite complicated to untie by myself.” 

He visibly gulps and nods as I lead him to my dorm.

After closing the door, Enzo moves behind me and starts working on untying my gown. String by string, pieces of silk come undone at his touch. I feel his warm breath at the nape of my neck and welcome the sparks of electricity that bloom where his skin grazes mine. I remind myself to breathe.

In the darkness of my room, alone again with Enzo in our own world, I can no longer keep lying to myself. “Enzo,” I breathe out, surprised by how touch starved my voice sounds.

“Yes?” He replies in an equally breathless voice.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I confess. His fingers freeze at my sudden declaration as he waits for me to go on.

I turn around and meet his eyes, “when this all started a few months ago, I was angry and looking to get revenge on Mattheo. I never expected -” I falter and gather myself.

“I never expected to get to know this amazing guy who’s funny, kind and is the best fake boyfriend. I never expected I could feel happy again after everything that happened. Enzo?”

“Hmm?” He asks encouragingly.

“You’re my silver lining.”

Enzo’s face lights up at my confession, “I thought I was the only one who felt something.”

I shake my head, “how could I not? I feel at home with you.”

He smiles, “falling for me, dear?”

I laugh, leaning into him, “actually yes, I am Enzo.”

He pulls me in for a hug. “I caught you, darling,” he says and we both giggle at how cheesy we sound.

When we pull apart, I look into his eyes and admit, “Enzo, I want this to be real.”

“I think it’s been real to me for a while,” he confesses. 

I smile and kiss him. Just like that, the sweetness of the moment is ignited with heat.

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

♡ main masterlist

A/N: Alexa, play Dress by Taylor Swift. The next chapter will be pure smut!

Taglist: @hoeforvinniehackerrr @i-think-you-are-gr8 @thecraziestcrayon @adreamingpendulum @themarauderswife7 @midsoulz @ultramarinetovelvet @val-writes @lafrone @daisiesformylove @mildly-delulu @allebasi05 @enha-stan @skb4000 @nat1221 @s0urw00lf @helpimhopelesslyinlove

[onedeadkitty]

Mizus Gender

He/him they/them she/her pronouns for Mizu

I know the writers of the show wrote blue eye samurai with Mizu as a woman disguised as a man in a way similar ish to Mulan but uh

They accidentally made it deeper than that ??

If you removed like 2 lines of dialogue in episode 5 you could even make an argument for trans masc Mizu. Or at the least gender queer.

Being transgender is not a concept in this time period. But trust. People have always wanted to be other genders, probably for the entirety of human history. And how someone would go about being trans in a world with no true understanding of the concept, might be similar to what Mizu IS DOING RIGHT NOW.

Living as a man. PERMANENTLY. Not temporarily to achieve some near goal like Mulan and the many other stories with this concept. Mizu has lived as a man nearly their entire life and no intention to ever live as a woman in the future.

Mizu admires their freshly binded chest in the mirror as a teen.

When alone Mizu refers to himself as a man.

When alone with Ringo, (someone who knows the secret) Ringo also refers to Mizu as a man.

Mizu threatens to straight kill Ringo at the the very use of the word “girl”.

When, and ONLY when seeing 2 MEN kiss does he think of Taigen.

Not to mention madame Kajis indelicate insinuation of gay sex to Mizu, something I believe wasn’t for no reason. OR Madams iconic line “you are more man than ANY come through my door” (I’m convinced she has an idea of Mizus true sex but doesn’t care to accuse or call them out for it)

They HAD lived as a woman in the past. Only for about a year, and they did it to get married for her mothers sake. To save her from a life of prostitution. She was able to be happy, because it IS POSSIBLE to be happy while not presenting how you like. It’s a strain and some can never be happy doing so but it’s possible and people do it all the time to make their lives easier or to keep the peace with family or for many other reasons.

Episode 5 gave HUGE VIBES of going back into the closet when living with your parents or just visiting. And Mizu looked SO uncomfortable and awkward in woman’s clothing and doing “wife things” (partly cause they have never done that before) and maybe it was my own projecting but I felt so uncomfortable FOR Mizu.

These things don’t necessarily mean being a transgender man specifically. Gender is actually really complicated and has ALOT to do with what society deems it.

Mizu is a masculine person. Being what Japan wants women to be isn’t in line with what Mizu is. A violent, practical, stoic, cold, masculine, confident and capable warrior.

dressing up as a woman with the makeup ONLY to try and make her husband happy. She didn’t WANT to. “To soften her husbands heart, the bride… danced” performed femininity FOR HIM. Only for Mikio to betray her for, in his eyes, being more masculine than him, by beating him in a physical fight.

Mizu is both the ronin and the bride. Mizu will be whatever they need to in order to achieve their owed deaths. They HAVE to be a man to get their revenge but that doesn’t mean Mizu WANTS to be a woman. (To be fair who WOULD in that time but I digress) and it doesn’t mean they WANT to be a man. They WANT their revenge. Everything is secondary to that.

Mizu is so different from other characters…

I grew up in a kinda misogynistic place and my mom really didn’t let me “do boy stuff” or dress masculine in any sense until my late teens. I my self don’t know if I can even call myself Trans. But I’m masculine, I like looking like a man and dressing as one but I don’t WANT to be a man necessarily. But I don’t WANT to be a woman. I feel like we as a society put to much distinction between the two and the people who don’t fit either side get left out at times.

Mizu is such a relatable character to me, like no other characters complicated feelings about their own sex and gender have ever come close.

They are for those who don’t have a strong sense of their own gender. Especially those who are biologically female and hesitant to lean into their sex because of the societal baggage.

Once people realize that how you dress, how you act, and what you do in reality have nothing to do with your bio sex and everything with what society has forced people to do based on factors out of our control is the day we can finally stop having these conversations.

Do what you want, gender is fake.

But Mizu is forever 🫶

[krispycreamcake]

yeeees! Please go for the headcanon!!

From author: Was secretly wishing you'd send this 🙏🏼

If you killed someone in the Sakamaki household

Shu Sakamaki

🎻- Honestly just like every other brother, it heavily depends on who was killed

🎻- If it was Reiji, he'd be ecstatic, kind of

🎻- His relationship with Reiji is extremely strained and that's without him even knowing about him "killing" Edgar

🎻- He'd be impressed that you managed to kill someone like Reiji which initially makes him extremely wary of you

🎻- His immediate reaction to finding out would be disbelief but then escalate into one of satisfaction

🎻- He'd probably say something along the lines of "What would that woman think if she knew you died by the hands of a mere mortal, I wonder?" And cue insane laughter please

🎻- If it was someone less relevant to him, then I'd say he's the type of guy to not care until he actually sees the body dressed up and ready to be buried

🎻- Now I'm not saying he'll go into grieving or anything, but it'll actually hit him that his brother is in fact dead

🎻- Now for his reaction towards YOU

🎻- That's a completely different story

🎻- Like I said before, his reaction would differ and if you really did manage to kill Reiji, he'd be ever so grateful but he'd never say it. Ever.

🎻- He'd probably be curious though as to what drove you to killing him, or any of his brothers for that matter

🎻- He'd analyze the situation in his mind and pick out the flaws that led to their demise

🎻- Realistically he'd care but not for too long. Give him about less than a week to get accustomed and he'll be fine

🎻- He'd never underestimate you again though, he'll make sure of that

🎻- If it was Yui however, then that's a lot more complicated

🎻- If his relationship was well developed with her, you'd be dead, without a doubt

🎻- If he was still in his almostgivingafuckbutnotreally stage, he wouldn't care a lot

🎻- He'd be kinda irritated that you killed his prey though and then Karl would just send another troublesome woman to bother him

🎻- But like I said, if he really did start to warm up to Yui or was already warmed up, you'd be dead in an instant

Reiji Sakamaki

☕- Surprised and concerned

☕- This may honestly seem like a shock to some people but Reiji actually does care for his brothers and has stated that he enjoys living with them

☕- Going off of this information, we can assume he'd be at least a tiny bit distraught even if he doesn't convey it outwardly

☕- Like Shu, he'd want to know your motives and additionally, how you even managed to do such a thing

☕- He'd honestly miss their presence and picking up after them. He would probably cope in some weird ass way

☕- Maybe he'd start writing letters to them and keep them sealed away somewhere extremely safe

☕- Initially, his face would go 😨 and then you'd have to deal with him mourning

☕- He'd probably avoid you realistically until he has thoughts in an order

☕- This process can take either a day or a month depending

☕- God forbid it was Shu that was killed however

☕- Once again, cue insane laughter

☕- Seeing your lifelong rival die is something I'm sure is hard to process

☕- I'm not saying he wouldn't be relieved that his good for nothing brother died, especially since it meant he was now the oldest and had more opportunities opened up to him

☕- But as much as he does hate Shu, it's still his brother and at some point in their lives, they weren't rivals

☕- Now I'm not saying he'll be even slightly upset with his death but

☕- Actually let me backtrack a bit

☕- Imagine hating someone so much because all they do is show you up without having to do anything and in a second, they're gone

☕- Reiji would almost throw a tantrum

☕- Their relationship can be comparable to Joker and Batman in a sense

☕- Let me elaborate on that for a second

☕- Building your life around a certain person and making sure you come out on top no matter what

☕- Having the very reason that you're the person you are today, be ripped away from you is something that's always hard to process whether your relationship with them is negative or positive

☕- Reiji needs to feel the satisfaction of killing Shu so he can translate onto him the years of pent up rage and resentment and pain and hurt and jealousy

☕- Killing Shu would mean to Reiji that you took away the one thing he could've owned for himself without being overshadowed

☕- If you take away the very thing that makes Reiji, Reiji, then he'll lose the foundation for all his successes in life

☕- If you killed Yui however, obviously death

☕- I feel like I shouldn't have to say it each time, but expect to die in some twisted malevolent way

☕- Let's say he didn't have that bond with Yui, he'd still be pissed

☕- Probably lock you in the dungeon without food so you could "understand" the extent of your crimes

Ayato Sakamaki

🏆- Ok so I'm not sure how many people know this, but Ayato is the most sympathetic of his brothers, I'd go as far to say even empathetic

🏆- Now I'm not saying this makes him a morally good person and whatnot, or that he'll cry everyday and bring flowers to his brother's grave, no

🏆- We learn that Ayato is actually quite understanding and sympathetic when he states that he understands why Cordelia did certain things and even pitied her

🏆- With that in mind, it'd hurt him, a lot

🏆- We all know Ayato is one to wear his heart on his sleeve no matter wherever or whoever

🏆- He'll be outwardly upset but that doesn't mean he'll be seen mourning

🏆- To break it down, he's the type of person to stare at the empty seat in the dining room and can't help but realize that chair will always be empty

🏆- Or he'll realize that he'll live long enough to forget his brother's voice, sometimes stand in front their bedroom door, not saying anything and then walking off

🏆- He'll notice how the living room feels slightly bigger when there's family meetings and how he'll never get to shout at that person again

🏆- Due to him being conditioned to being number one, he'll have extremely mixed feelings

🏆- As a competitor, the game isn't fun without other opponents, even if it's a game you know you'll win because then you coming first means nothing

🏆- Dying or in this case, 'dropping out the race' would make Ayato stop running for once and look back at the other players

🏆- That's if it was someone he wasn't as close with

🏆- Now let's say you killed Laito for instance, he'd have quite a different reaction

🏆- He would actually mourn his brother but never let anyone see him

🏆- His relationship with Laito is complicated but not an enigma

🏆- He feels as if he owes Laito something from not being able to help him in his past

🏆- Knowing that he died meant that he failed as a brother

🏆- If you killed Laito out of self defence, he'd be upset that his brother was dead but not because you defended yourself

🏆- Like I said earlier, he's the most understanding and sympathetic

🏆- If he could go into the shoes of the woman who abused and made his life hell

🏆- He could understand why you did what you did

🏆- If however it wasn't out of self defence, like Reiji he'd need to take a while to compose himself

🏆- He'd wanna know why and how and then just sit on his bed not knowing what to feel

🏆- He'd be upset at you if that was the case and you'd probably have to work to regain his trust again(if you want it)

🏆- But like I said, still the most understanding, so he had a feeling you might pull something like this if you started getting pestered too often or showed signs that you weren't doing okay

🏆- And oh God if it was Yui, yeah you're not coming out alive and I know I've said this like 2 times already, but let me be clear

🏆- You will wish he killed you

🏆- Prey or not, taking something that belongs to Ayato is never ever a good idea

From author: Guys it's 2am, I'll upload the other brothers tomorrow I promise, just please don't kill my family. (Ps, I love you guys❤)

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

making up the adult way (not old enough ch.4)

pairing: leon kennedy/reader

cw: handcuffs, slapping (light), begging, sub!leon (light), dom!reader (light), teasing, vaginal sex

summary: Leon wants forgiveness, but you'll only give it to him if he can play by your rules. Time to punish the bad boy!

word count: 2.5k

ao3 link

You weren’t going to hand over forgiveness that easily. Leon needed to learn his lesson. You dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt as a test to see if he’d still want you as your raw and real self - not some version you’d created for him.

It didn’t matter to him. He gazed upon you with the same fondness he always had when you walked through his front door. 

You sat down on his couch, so familiar, and yet you still didn’t feel at ease. Leon sat down next to you, a respectful distance away, not daring to touch you. A new kind of awkwardness permeated through the living room air. 

Leon spoke first. “I know it’s not enough, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I was completely out of line last night and if there’s any way that I can make it up to you, I’ll do it.”

“I just want you to be honest with me.”

“Ask me anything.”

“Did you really believe that we weren’t together when you slept with that woman?”

“I wasn’t sure.”

“Why did you sleep with her if you weren’t sure? Who was she? The side chick? The main chick? Just some one-night stand?”

Just some one night stand like I was supposed to be , you thought. 

“An old friend.”

“An old friend you’re sleeping with?”

“I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t sleep with her or say that this wasn’t the first time, but it’s complicated. ‘Old friend’ doesn’t really cut it.”

“Why is it so hard to pry information out of you?”

“I don’t know what to say. She just showed up and brought me back into her bullshit like she’s been doing since ‘98.”

“Just showed up out of the blue?”

“Yeah, that’s kinda her M.O.”

“So what? You just wait for her to come around? I can’t be your substitute for when she’s not here.”

“You’re not. If I had known that sleeping with her would’ve made you upset, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“I promise you - I’m an idiot, not an asshole - at least, I try not to be. I would never try to hurt you, and if there’s any way you’ll forgive me. Any way I can make you happy, please tell me.”

“How badly do you want to earn my forgiveness?”

“More than you can imagine.”

“Since it seems you can’t behave on your own, how about we try playing by my rules? Think you can do that?”

“Anything for you.”

“You’re basically a cop, right?”

“I was. Why?”

He omitted the part about his career lasting only a day.

“Have any handcuffs?”

“Upstairs, left bedside table.”

“Stay put.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You grabbed the handcuffs - pink and fuzzy, not the cop kind. Things were looking even brighter. 

You held them up on your way down the stairs, letting them swing in your hand. Like a trophy, like a reward, like a threat.

“Do you want me to put those on you?”

“You’ve got it backwards. They’re for you.”

Heat rose in Leon’s cheeks.

“Speak up or forever hold your peace, baby.”

“I-uh-I’m at a loss for words.”

“Do you still want me?”

Leon looked down at his crotch, almost surprised at his own arousal. “Yeah,” he said, almost reluctant to admit it.

“Good.”

You sat down on the couch.

“Strip,” you said, gesturing for him to stand.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

He stood up with something between confusion and hesitation in his expression. 

“All of it?” He gestured to his outfit.

“All of it.”

“Right here?”

“Is there a problem with that? We’re in your living room. No one else can see you. Only me.”

“It feels weird when you’re staring at me like that.”

“Are you sure the word you’re looking for is ‘weird’?”

He declined to respond and you just raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘what are you waiting for?’.

“Are you going to take your clothes off too?”

You’d think he was a virgin if you didn’t know any better. 

“We’ll see. Depends on how well you behave.”

He started to remove his t-shirt, when you stopped him. 

“Look at me while you do it,” you said.

He locked eyes with you, trying to goad you into some sort of staring contest - a power play. It was painted all over his face, how badly he wanted you to break. 

Your eyes shifted towards his toned chest and down his torso where his hands fidgeted with his belt.

He took a deep breath as if it was hard for him to do something so seemingly simple.

Soon enough, he was fully nude in front of you, while you gazed upon him in silence. Every moment of uncertainty created a certain awkwardness on his part that amused you. 

“Bring me a chair from the kitchen.”

“Okay,” he obliged and came back with a wooden kitchen chair.

“Now sit down.”

You stood up while he sat down.

“You look embarrassed,” you said, approaching him.

“I am,” he admitted.

“Then why are you hard?” you asked, taking his cock in your hand and immediately letting go.

“I don’t know.”

He absolutely knew.

“I’m going to put these handcuffs on you now. Are you okay with that, Leon?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me to stop if I do anything you don’t like.”

“I will.”

You handcuffed him, wrapping his arms behind his back. You stood up to look at him in such a vulnerable state. 

“You look cute like this. A little bit pathetic, too.”

Leon wasn’t sure what to say to your pouty lips, mocking pity.

Much to Leon’s surprise, when you tore off your own clothes, you were wearing black lingerie.

“Can you let me out of these? I wanna touch you.”

“I could let you out of them if you’re uncomfortable, but I still won’t let you touch me.”

You got on your knees in front of him, only as a tease. You watched as his expression went from surprise to excitement to gratitude to betrayal when he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted that easily. 

“Are you sorry, Leon?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“For fighting, for calling you a whore, for sleeping with someone else, for everything.”

“I want to know how sorry you are.”

“So sorry you have no idea how sorry I am.”

“If you’re so sorry, then why did you do it in the first place?”

At this point, his cock throbbed in your hand while you gripped it tightly. 

“Can you move your hand please?”

“Oh, sorry.” You took your hand away entirely, pretending to misunderstand him.

“Why’d you take it away?” he whined.

“You told me to move it, so I moved it.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean? You could try using your words.”

“Please, touch me.”

“That’s much better.”

You finally did as he asked, stroking him slowly, earning labored breaths from him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes in pleasure. He doesn’t deserve it, you thought. You stopped and while you could see the disappointment in his eyes, he was a fast learner, he knew better than to complain.

You kissed his neck, collarbone, chest - not his lips, not his dick either. You sucked marks onto his skin.

“Now everyone will know that you’re mine,” you said.

“I’m yours.”

“I didn’t even have to ask you to say it. You’re really good at this. Sure you haven’t done it before?”

“No, you’re the first to do this to me.”

“Maybe you’ve fantasized about it, then.”

You could see the truth in his eyes. The confirmation came in the form of silence. 

You unbuttoned the bottom of the lace bodysuit you were wearing. You didn’t have to take off the whole garment to get yourself off. You sat on Leon’s thigh - not his cock like he wanted. 

You were wet, which allowed him some pride, but a new level of yearning as well. There was no real satisfaction for him because as wet as he made you, he couldn’t touch you, couldn’t taste you. You began to grind on his thigh with the intention of making yourself come in front of him.

You held onto his biceps to steady yourself while he watched you, eyes completely transfixed on the sight of your cunt. You took one hand and rubbed your thumb over the sensitive tip of his dick. He moaned - pathetic. 

Once he saw the way your face changed with the heightened pleasure, the way moans slipped from your mouth unintentionally, he realized that you were close. 

“You’re so mean,” he said.

“If you think I’m so mean, then why is your cock leaking?” you asked, rubbing your thumb over his tip which was drooling precum. 

Because he was cute and you pitied him a bit, you began to properly jerk him off while you approached your own peak. 

Longing and betrayal painted his face when you came back from oblivion. You dipped two fingers down to your core and then put them in his mouth. That was his reward. 

The way he twitched in your hand told you he was close, too. 

“Are you gonna come too?”

“Yeah,” he said, breathless, bucking his hips up into your hand.

You removed your hand immediately. 

“When did I say you could do that?”

“You didn’t. I’m sorry.”

You held your palm up to his face, but waited for confirmation before you did anything. 

“Do you deserve it?”

He nodded and you slapped him hard enough to make it sting, but not hard enough to truly hurt him. 

His next words were more shocking than when he called you a whore in the parking lot the night before. “Do it again,” he said. 

“Really?”

“Please," he said quietly, a little embarrassed at how much he liked it.

You obliged. “I didn’t expect you to like it. It was supposed to be a punishment.”

“I didn’t know I would like it that much either.”

He looked at you like you were a goddess, you were divine and deserved worship he wasn’t capable of giving you with his hands tied. He’d take his punishment with gratitude as long as you were the one dishing it out.

“If I ride you, can you promise to tell me before you come?” you asked.

“Yes," he said, but based on the way you’d surprised him already that night, Leon didn’t fully trust himself not to completely unravel in your hands regardless of his own will.  

“Okay,” you said, sinking down on his dick. Truthfully, if he did come without asking, it’d just be another excuse to punish him. You wouldn’t be upset. 

“You feel so good. I wish I could touch you,” he groaned.

You started to bounce up and down slightly. Though your breasts were still in the confines of your lingerie - for the most part - they moved in time with your hips, and Leon’s eyes were glued to them. 

“I would let you if I trusted you to behave, but since you decided to act out last night, you need to earn my forgiveness.”

“How can I earn it?” His baby blue eyes moved from your tits to your face.

“Beg,” you said simply, as if it should’ve been obvious.

“Please, please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I’ll never do anything like that again.”

“Never do what again?”

“Call you names, get into fights, sleep with anyone else.”

“You’ll always be honest?”

“Always.”

You kissed him on the lips because you wanted it, and he kissed you back with a genuine passion that lay somewhere beyond lust. 

“I’m really close,” he said through shaky breaths.

You stopped the movement of your hips and he whined, but didn’t protest - he was determined to behave.

“Tell me that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours.”

“All mine?”

“All yours.”

And he meant it. 

You started to bounce up and down on him again, truly putting your thighs to work this time. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

“Gonna come for me?”

“For you. All for you.”

His orgasm left tears in his eyes. You didn’t chide him for bucking his hips up into you while he came - both because he probably couldn’t help it as his brain was clearly gone and also because it brought you to your own orgasm.

You flopped down onto him while you tried to catch your breath.

“I forgive you," you said,

“I meant what I said," Leon said.

After a moment, he asked, somewhat hesitant, “Can you uncuff me?”

“Oh yeah,” you laughed, “I almost forgot.”

You removed the handcuffs and he sprung up, picking you up in his arms. 

“Hey! What are you doing?," you asked, unable to feign any indignation through your laughter.

“Taking you to the shower and then to bed.”

“Who said you were allowed to do that?”

“Your boyfriend.”

“My boyfriend? I didn’t know I had one. What’s he like?”

“Old, a little sweaty, and head over heels falling for you.”

And that was that. You and Leon S. Kennedy were an item now. Even calling yourselves ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ made you both giggle - the butterflies-in-your-stomach, feel-like-I’m-in-high-school-again type of giggling. 

You didn’t have sex in the shower, didn’t even think about it really. You were both a little hungover from the night before and were wholly satisfied from round one. Instead, Leon washed your hair with his separate shampoo and conditioner - the first man you’d ever met who didn’t have 2-in-one or worse 3-in-one. 

Leon got out of the shower first so he could wrap you in a towel when you passed through the threshold of the shower door into the cold bathroom. 

You’d slept together in both senses of the word before, but this was the first time you’d slept naked and it was more intimate than sex, you came to find. Sprawled out on his chest, you asked him to tell you stories - about himself, about his life. 

“There’s not much to tell. I’m not a very interesting guy,” he said, but it was quite the opposite - there was a hell of a lot to tell and his life was interesting for all the worst reasons. 

“Tell me about your friends, your family, your favorite memories.”

“You met my friends, Chris and Claire and I don’t have any family. My parents died when I was a kid and I’m an only child, so unless you’ve got a ouija board, you’re SOL.”

He said with a nonchalance that made you laugh at its absurdity.

“I’m sorry for laughing - it’s just the way you said it was funny.”

“What I lack in parents, I make up for in jokes.”

And many other things, you thought.

“You asked about my favorite memory? I think my favorite memory is gonna be this. Right now.”

When you looked up at him, about to call him out for being cheesy and giving you a bs answer, he was beaming. His lips curved upward to hold up the apples of his cheeks and it was so new, so foreign to work out these muscles on his face that his smile trembled, faltering under the weight, only to return to his face. This was the first time he’d ever smiled so long it made his cheeks sore. 

[desswright29]

Fell Together

Word Count: 11k + (I-I don’t know)

Pairing: Shuri X reader

Contains: Fluff, Romance, Slight Angst(nothing major), Friends to lovers, Smut, slightly inexperienced Shuri, Masc/Sub Shuri, Fem reader.

A/n: Hey guys! I HOPE Y’ALL FEEL LIKE READING!! 😁 So someone asked me once if I would write Sub Shuri and Uhhhh yea I would apparently lol. I just wanted to write a sweet love story because I haven’t wrote one in awhile. And we need one. I REEEEEAAALLLYYY hope y’all enjoy this one. It really beat me tf up! Anywho! Enjoy! And if their are errors blame @imjusthere2readbruv. She was rushing me 🤣🤣🤣

On lawns, we laughed, we played Sweet smiles along the way Under stars we gazed Under moons, memories made Good times, some sad, on lawns

Two hearts, a warm embrace And our love has grown each day And in time, we see that life is a dream A dream that holds two hearts

The water lay still. Placid. A blanket of stars twinkled amongst the otherwise black moonless sky. A soft plop and a light ripple of waves could be heard as Shuri tossed a small rock into the lake, while sitting knees to chest at its edge. With a slow inhale she closed her eyes, letting out it’s counterpart, a shallow exhale, soon after. Her eyes fluttered open, staring into the black abyss. A deep gaping hole filled with a liquid that could take away and also give life. Complicated, yet sincere in its danger; simple in its necessity. That only scratched the surface of things Shuri had in common with the water. With all that had transpired within it, it still created a calm within her. That alone gave her a sense of pride.  She’d conquered the water. But now… she was exhausted.

Although she was at her physical peak. Mentally, she could be better. After the death of her mother desperate for company she attached herself to the first woman that gave her any type of attention. Her first real girlfriend. Solah. The woman was gorgeous. Her body perfectly proportionate. Skin speckled in gold. Her face was almost as sculpted as Shuri’s. She kept her hair beautifully braided, and she was always dressed to perfection. It was also painfully apparent that she didn’t genuinely like women. Status though. That was definitely her speed. Shuri found herself always at her highest level of masculinity now a days. Ruler, scientist, Black Panther. All suits and ties. And in the bedroom she was the giver. 

Today she decided to leave Solah behind. Left her sitting at the best table of one of the finest restaurants in Wakanda, after coming from the restroom finding her slipping her number to the chef of all people. And so she found herself by the water. Just wanting to feel human again. She was more than a superhuman, Queen with no feelings. She wanted to feel like a Woman. Her eyes shut again, her chin falling against her chest. As she wrapped her arms around her legs in a hug. “Bast. I’m tired. I need some sort of reprieve.” She spoke aloud not sure if anyone heard her words, but hopeful nonetheless. The chiming of her beads cut through the silence like a spear. “Panther, y/n y/l/n is trying to contact you.” The recently rare sound of her best friends name brought a slight curve to the side of her mouth before her face slightly scrunched in confusion. She willed Griot to answer. 

Your face lit up the darkness. Wild curls framing your pretty face and settling onto your shoulders. Glasses perched at the tip of your cute nose. Your face scrunched in a squint. A breath of fresh air. It was good to see you. “Hey Shu shu! Where you at? I can barely see you.” Still slightly taken aback that you reached out to her at this moment she answered slightly stumbling over her words. 

“I-I’m at t-the lake.” Your face relaxed only for a moment before your brows immediately raise in an expression of worry.

“What happened?” You still knew her like the back of your hand. Of course you did. No one knew Shuri quite like you.

“Does something really have to be wrong everytime I’m here?” Shuri asks . She’d never let you know you were right straight away. Her stubbornness wouldn’t allow it. Your lips turned down as you feign a look of contemplation before nodding. “Absolutely.” Shuri rolled her eyes before letting out a dramatic sigh.

“I broke up with Solah.”

The other end of the call got extremly quiet. You stared at the shadow of Shuri through the projection. Stuck. Expression unreadable. You wracked your brain trying to find the proper words to console your friend, but before you could, as always she read you like a book.

“Let it out y/n.” Shuri huffs  

You let out a long exhale. “Pheew, good lookin’ out man I was summoning all the acting gods from every realm to come help me pretend to be upset about that shit.” Shuri stared at you her expression blank.

“I-I don’t understand why we’re friends.” 

“Eeeasy! See number one I’m honest. Always give it to ya straight no chaser. Im funny as fuck, let’s seeeee smart, can’t forget that one, aaand I’m pretty cute.” You look over top of your glasses and flutter your lashes for dramatic effect. Shuri twists her mouth in faux disgust.

 “Naaaah…Still not getting it?”

“Well maybe it’s because you’ve been a little less than a friend lately Shuri. But usually all those things combine into one and create that deep rooted love you have for me. Duh.” Shuri chuckles lightly, picking up a rock rolling it inbetween her fingers. Staring off into the distance.

“I had that one coming.”

“Yes you did…But really, are you ok?” She shruggs, nonchalant.

“I always figure it out. Glad you called honestly.” Your bottom lip curls inbetween your teeth. As ecstatic as you were that Shuri left “Soda” or whatever the fuck she wanted to call herself behind. And though majorly perturbed by Shuri’s behavior while with her, you’d never want to see her hurt.

“Why don’t you come over. We got a lot to catch up on and you look like you can use some company. Do Queens get to have girls nights? I’ll even bring out the good wine and an expensive ass charcuterie for just for you your highness.” Shuri scoffs. “Make it Rum and Jollof and I’m there.” The corners of your lips almost reached your ears with the smile that spread across your face.

“That Shuri..That right there is why we’re friends.” 

“Yo! I’m home!” Shuri announced chuckling to herself shuffling into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind her, arms filled with bags. An overnight bag hanging from her shoulder, grocery bags filled with snacks in her arms. Her eyes scanned your apartment a faint smile appearing on her face. Dropping her overnight bag to the floor with a thud, she kicked off her shoes at the door. The energy in your home was always so warm and inviting, always putting her at peace. Photos of your family hang on the walls, several of you and her as well. She’d always been like family to you and you to her. A pang of guilt hit her chest as the fond memories welcomed her like a hug. The definition of bitter sweet. 

When Shuri left the lake she decided to pick up a few snacks, and took time to shower and change out of her clothes from her miserable date. Opting for grey sweats, a white t-shirt, a black jacket with a grey hood attached, and a black fitted cap, covering her braids. The padding of feet coming toward her from the direction of the kitchen interrupted her thoughts. You appeared wearing a large graphic tee, the back tucked into your bra and the smallest shorts you could find. A smug smile covered your face as you walked over to greet her. It’d been almost a year and something was different. Shuri noticed her heart skip a few beats. She had always seen you as a beautiful girl, but had you always been THIS beautiful. You held a glass filled with a dark liquid and one round ice cube. As you approached her one hand reached for the groceries, the other extended the cup of alcohol to her. Shuri gave a grateful lopsided smile, taking two steps forward handing off the groceries and taking the drink. 

Muscle memory took over as she quickly brought the bottom of the cup up to her mouth, licking the cup from bottom to top chugging the contents with a hiss. A routine you’d started when you began college in Wakanda. Whenever one of you had a rough day you’d meet at the others place and take a shot immediately upon arrival to destress. You smirk with a raise of your brow. “Okay, I see you Queen Panther.” Impressed, guessing the herb assisted her in handling her alcohol a bit better. “I’m not new to this little one.” She responded with a sly smirk that was, dare you say, kind of sexy. When did that happen? Sitting the groceries on the floor you wrap her up into your arms. Hugging her waist as she wraps her arms around your shoulders resting her chin on top of your head after placing a sweet kiss where her chin would rest. Both of your eyes closed as you began to rock while holding one another. “I’ve missed you tattoo.” You grin at the nickname you hadn’t heard in almost a year. 

“I missed you too Shuri.” Finally you pull away taking the empty glass except for ice from her hand. You look her dead in the eyes. Making sure you’re warning is heeded. “Don’t you ever leave me hanging for ANY bitch. Ever again.” You pick up the bags and turn heading back towards the kitchen. Shuri’s eyes trailed the length of your body eyes stopping at the swell of your back. The tiny shorts you wore barely containing your plump cheeks. Shuri found her lip in between her teeth as she appreciated the view, before correcting herself with a shake of the head “I promise.” She calls behind you as she heads into the living room. Shuri plopped down onto the couch manspread her head falling back, eyes closing. Though it had been awhile since you’d both physically seen each other due to her new titles and her insecure ass ex, it felt as though no time was spent apart. Easily falling back into your easy comfort around one another. The two of you never had to do much to have fun. 

 Your mother had been a pop sensation, back in the days, and Queen Ramonda had been a huge fan. In fact you and Shuri met as young girls around 11, when Shuri took her first trip to America with her mother to attend one of your mothers shows. Romanda requested to meet your mother after the show, and she graciously accepted, when they made it back stage there was little genius, arrogant Shuri. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, curious about every detail of her surroundings. As your mothers gushed over one another back stage, you watched the curious Princess wander around, in her mini skirt with her graphic T-shirt tucked in, chains gracing her waist as a belt, a black leather jacket and matching gloves with the fingers cut off, her braids stacked high onto of her head. She was the coolest person you’d ever seen and she was giving the scary looking bald women hell. You continued peering at her from the slightly cracked door of your mothers dressing room.

“Shuri. Stop touching things. You cannot tinker with things here the way you do at home in your little lab.” The one you would soon know to be Okoye chastised. “Okoye, you’ve got to loosen up. Are you not tired of yelling in vain? Obviously I’m going to continue what I’m doing when you’re not looking.” Your giggle caught Shuri’s attention, her confident upright stride immediately headed in your direction. “I heard you, you might as well open the door.” Slowly you opened the door coming face to face with the Princess of Wakanda. Who gave you a hard once over before introducing herself. “Hello, I’m Shuri.” She held out her hand for you to shake and you reciprocate. “Y/n.” You spoke matter of factly. Posture just as upright as the royals. You returned her a once over. Admittedly she was even prettier up close. “You’re the Princess?” 

“Yes I am.” She stated proudly. 

“You don’t look like a Princess.” Shuri cocked her head to the side brow raised in a question, waiting for you to proceed. “I mean your pretty but you don’t dress like a Princess.”

“Did you expect a ball gown?” Shuri said sarcastically, lips upturned in an obnoxiously arrogant smirk. You smiled back genuinely. 

“You’re an asshole. I like it.”

And the rest was history.

Your mothers became fast friends just as you and Shuri. As you both grew older everyone instantly saw the chemistry between you and Shuri, determined that you would be more than friends especially once you came out. Shuri never came out officially. She’d always gave lesbian and everyone just went with it and accepted her. You envied that about her. Oddly enough you grew to be more experienced than her romantically though. Contrary to popular belief, her title as princess didn’t exactly make dating easy. But Shuri grew to be your bestfriend easily with you and your mother spending ample time in Wakanda thanks to her friendship with the Queen. When T’Challa met you he fell head over heels. “I’ve never seen anyone more perfect for you little sister.” T’challa would always say to Shuri. She would always brush him off with an “Ew” or something along those lines. Neither of you had ever shown that type of interest in one another. You were too much alike, and both of you being rooted in logic knew that that didn’t usually work out. 

So, you spent your summers in Wakanda forming an inseparable bond with the Princess, and ended up deciding to go to college in Wakanda as well. You and Shuri had been by eachothers side every step of the way. She was the bestfriend you’d ever known, and both of you loved one another with all of your heart. You’d created your own life here in Wakanda and were excepted and loved by the community. And even though both you and Shuri were aware of eachothers attractiveness, you were perfectly content in your friendship. 

Resurfacing from the kitchen with another drink and the jerk chicken with Jollof you’d ordered for the night you heard light snores coming from Shuri’s mouth that was slightly ajar. “I just know this girl is not sleep.” You took the opportunity to get a good look at Shuri. Taking note of how much she’d changed since the last time you’d seen her. Her jaw was a bit more chiseled than you remembered, her neck showing signs of the muscle she’d packed on. From the interaction at your door, you’d become acutely aware of the change in her aura. Shuri had always carried a bit of an arrogant air. Her intellect and beauty had always been unmatched. Now, there was more of a maturity to her, growth, experience. It’d evened out her arrogance into a smooth confidence and wisdom. Though she carried a heavy load. She carried it well. You place her drink and food on your coffee table and walked back around behind your couch standing over her. You lifter her hat a bit before you pinch her nose. Her eyes snapped open as she choked on a deep inhale. “Are you really asleep. I was gone for like 2 minutes.”

“Why would you do that! Fucking weirdo!” She coughed while stretching both hands above her head until her body shook. “I was just resting my eyes.”

“You were snoring.”

“Well shit I’m tired y/n.” She said annoyed. You jump over the couch next to her and laugh.

“Atleast get comfortable and eat something before you fall asleep on me.” You suggest motioning to her hat and jacket. Shuri removed her hat. Revealing her fresh braids and then removed her jacket. Showing off her muscular arms and forearms, veins protruding. Swallowing, your eyes linger a bit longer than they should’ve. Shit. Your friend had grown. Shuri shook her head waking herself up. “Ok I’m up. I’m up.”

Now, full and on both of your third round of rum and coke of the night, you guys were back at your usual mischief and bickering. Shuri now lie against the armrest of the couch, with you lying back inbetween her legs while she massaged your scalp through your curls. “Greys Anatomy” playing on the television. 

“That is impossible! This is not medically accurate!” 

“Shuri! That’s not the point of the show. It’s about the relationships.”

“So why do they begin the show with these cases? Why not only focus on the relationships since they’re doing such a poor job with medicinal accuracy.” You turn your head awkwardly and look up at her as she stares down at you with her brows raised as though she’s waiting for an answer. “Give me the fucking remote. I hate watching shows with you.” You turn your body to try and reach behind her for the remote on the arm rest. Laughing she grabs it before you could, reaching it above her head tossing it between each hand as she giggled at your frustration. “Ugh! You make me so sick! Keep it!” She poked her lip out at you “Aww still a sore ass loser y/n? I thought you would grow out of that.”

“Let’s not act like I wouldn’t be handing you your ass if it wasn’t for that lil herb” Rolling your eyes you turn back around settling back into your position between her legs. Her hands finding themselves right back in your hair. She giggled at your temper tantrum. “Im enjoying the show y/n. I was just pointing out the obvious inconsistencies.” You close your eyes leaning back into her chest enjoying the sensation of her fingers. She smelled so good like a mixture of vanilla and mahagony. Strong, but not over powering. “Mmmhmm, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you Shuri.” She chuckled as you both settle into a comfortable silence. “Shuri.”

“Hm?”  

“Are we pretending everything’s cool, or are you ready to talk about it?” Shuri’s fingers stalled for a second, a slow exhale escaping through her nose. “I’m really sorry I shut you out y/n. I didn’t intend to stay away for so long.   I was just… I don’t know ..afraid. You’re the last person on this Earth who truly knows me and everyone around me was leaving. I felt cursed or something. I couldn’t bare to loose you too. And Solah was jealous of our relationship anyway. Ironic I caught HER giving her number to the Chef” 

“What?!” You sit up, causing Shuri’s arms to fall to her belly as you turn to look at her. Shuri chuckles. “Yea. To be honest, I’m not surprised. And yes it sucks but I’m not as upset as I think I should be. There’s just so much going on. So many other responsibilities. It almost feels like a relief. In hindsight I probably jumped the gun on being in a relationship so soon after everything happened.” You raise a brow and tilt you head to the right. “Don’t start.” You lift your hands in defense. “I wasn’t even gonna say anything.”

She lifted her shirt a bit. A sliver of her her toned lower belly showing as she placed a hand inside of her sweats. “Maybe. But you were thinking it.” She says lightly flicking your chin with the pointer finger of her free hand. 

“Definitely a lot of thoughts.” You swallow and avert your eyes trying not to get caught staring and hoping Shuri didn’t catch the double meaning. She shakes her head with a slight smirk. Her free arm drapping across her abdomen as you rest your hands and chin on her raised knee. “You were right though.”

“Of course I was.” She rolled her eyes. Her eyes connected with yours and her lips nervously folded in as though she was contemplating saying something. “You can talk to me about anything Shuri. You know I always know when something is up with you.” She began shifting her eyes. “I’m tired y/n, this is all so much more than I was expecting to have to deal with. The weight of it all. It’s overbearing. I  mean I spent some time in Hiati, but duty called and I still feel as though I didn’t get time to heal properly. So much responsibility. I guess I just hoped that my relationship would take up some of this empty space in my heart. I know you were hurting too and we could’ve been there for one another but it hurt to be around you really. It was a reminder that you’re really all I have left.” You nod and grab her hand, squeezing it, waiting for her to continue giving her your undivided attention. “Since I took on the mantle and the throne it’s like I’m not human anymore. I’m always expected to be on point. Always prepared. Almost stoic. It’s exhausting. And Solah was like another responsibility. I didn’t want her to feel like she wasn’t important. So when I should’ve been resting I was taking her on trips, or shopping, or out to eat. And then All the counsel meetings, trainings, keeping up the lab. It’s all.. just.. a lot .” 

Sitting up completely straight you contemplate asking a question. “Can I ask you something Shuri?” The seriousness in your tone capturing her attention. She gestures towards you giving you permission. “When’s the last time you felt comforted, loved on, hell got a freaking hug outside of the bedroom?” Shuri shifted uncomfortably. She put her elbows behind her on the armrest sitting herself up a bit more. “I - I don’t - um I don’t really know.” 

“So you were in a relationship for almost a year. One that kept you away from your best friend might I add. And you can’t tell me the last time you received affection?” Your brows furrowed as Shuri sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Shuri sounded far away, her eyes avoiding yours. “You don’t owe me an apology. I know you did what you thought was best for you. I’d never be angry at you for not knowing how to process grief. However, I do think you deserved better. You’re not a robot. You’re not here for everyone else’s satisfaction. You have feelings and emotions and you should feel loved too. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was some pillow princess that didn’t even reciprocate your pleasure.” You scoffed shaking your head and grabbing your drink off of the table and taking a sip. When you look back towards Shuri her eyes were cast downward. You reach over tapping the bottom of her chin causing her to give you her focus. “Shuri?”

“She wasn’t into it.” Your mouth fell open on realization. “Oh hell no Shuri!” 

“It’s not like I was missing out. I’ve never been… touched in that way. It’s just how it is as a more masculine woman.”  She shrugged. You place your drink back on the table. Mouth agape. This was new. Shuri was the most confident person you knew. Women around the world would bend over backwards for her attention and here she was saying that she’d never been satisfied. “Who the fuck told you that? She wasn’t into what Shuri? Pussy? Shuri you’re not a man. Pussy comes with the territory. That’s how you receive pleasure. Unless that’s what you want? Are you asexual, trans?” You were genuinely concerned. Confusion filled Shuri’s face. “No y/n. I enjoy sex. I like being in control.” She says. “Ok. That’s cool. But a woman is what you identify as. You’ve never wanted to be anything else?” She shakes her head side to side. “Does being in control make you cum?” 

“Y/n I cum!”

“From sex oorr?”

“Not your business.”

“Well there’s my answer. Why would you entertain an obviously straight woman for so long Shuri? Why would you allow her to treat you like a bank account with a strap!?” You would forever want what was best for Shuri, and it pissed you off that some random had used her the way Solah had.

“I didn’t come here for this y/n.” She began to get up and you grab her hand. “No. Wait! I’m sorry Shuri. Ok. I over stepped. But, I just want you to be happy. Truly happy. And I hate seeing you settle. I can also admit that I needed you after everything and I was upset. Romanda was Umama wam, my Mama Monda, and it hurt that you shut me out because I thought we were in this together. And for a woman who couldn’t love you for being a woman. It’s amazing that you’re strong, intelligent, have impeccable style, a strong persona, and are comfortable in your masculinity. But what makes all of that beautiful is that you’re a woman.” She settled back down on the couch. Both of your eyes locked on one another. She’d never been called a woman. She’d been a child, a princess, a scientist, the Black Panther, and now Queen. But she couldn’t recall a time where she was just a woman. A woman with needs and desires that had never been met. 

“I can see you need time to reflect on that. While you do that I’ll tell you why I really called. Tomorrow I was planning to go to Florida for the weekend to see my family. It seems as though you could use some time away. And I would highly suggest you come smooth things over with mom who says you’ve been ignoring her.” Shuri’s head drops and her eyes get big. “Yea… So what’s a couple of days huh?” Shuri looked away as she contemplated. It didn’t take long for a slow smile to spread across her face. “I could use a quick get away”

The car turned onto the old gravely road. Vibrating against the rocks. It took some convincing for Shuri to be allowed on this trip alone. They’d compromised with allowing two of the Dora come along and stay in a near by hotel in case any danger took place when leaving your families land. You look out of the window smiling at the familiarity of it all. The wide expanse of land. The trees, the chicken coupe, The large tan home with the wrap around porch surrounded by a few smaller homes of family members. Home. You hadn’t been back in awhile and you couldn’t believe you’d been friends with Shuri all this time and she’d yet to see your home. You turn to your right to look at your stunning passenger as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Wearing a sports bra and sweat shorts with a short sleeve button up. All black of course. Her obsession with black was becoming concerning. “Sooo. What do you think?” You ask. She turns to look at you with a sparkle in her eye and  a smile. “It reminds me of the villages back home.” You didn’t have to ask if it was a compliment. Any comparison to Wakanda was extrodinary especially coming from the Queen herself. 

You stop the car in front of the house on the gravel driveway. Before you could put the car in park, your mother was running out of the house, straight to the passenger side. She swung open the door and pulled Shuri out by her wrist, wrapping her into her motherly embrace. “Shuri my baby! I’ve been worried sick about you! I’m so happy to see you girl!”  Shuri was shocked at first fully expecting your mother to be upset with her for not having communicated with her since her mom had passed. But soon she returned the embrace, closing her eyes and melting into your mother. “It’s good to see you too Mama Whitney.”  

Your mother pulled back from the hug looking Shuri over. “Let me look at you girl. Lordy! You look damn good, I’ll tell you that. You and my daughter come to your senses yet?“ she looked curiously between the two of you. As you both got flustered. “Mama! Stop it!” 

“Oh it’s coming.” She said with a smirk. “Come on in here and get comfortable while I finish cooking. Shuri you look like you’ve been eating good and healthy which is why you shouldn’t mind that I don’t plan on cooking nothing healthy for the next couple of days. Y’all gon’ eat good!” Shuri laughed. “That actually sounds amazing mama.”

“Good.”

You stand inside the car door with your arms resting on top of the opened door your face scrunching in confusion. “Mama girl! You ain’t even say hey to ME!”

“Girl get in this house!” You hear Shuri giggle as she walks inside the house. 

“Mmtch wooow”

“Aaaand this is my room” you open the door to your childhood room allowing Shuri to take a step inside after giving her a tour of the rest of the home. She stands in the center of your room taking it all in. Her mouth falling open. Your cheeks began to get warm and you knew that if it weren’t for your rich skin you’d be red as a tomato. There was an accent wall behind your queen sized bed just four thick black and white stripes with pink and white roses painted in the corners of the wall. Your bed made beautifully with a black comforter and pink accents. The room was very spacious with a reading area built into a bay window, and a beautiful black and crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling.  But as Shuri looked around that was not what had her awestruck. 

There were pictures on a huge pinboard of all of your friends from school. Pics of your cousins and other family members and other people you loved. Shuri hadn’t made that board. Because the entire wall to the right of her was a Mural of you and her when you were young. Other pictures from throughout the years were pinned against the wall. Not just of her but of your entire Wakandan family. You and Shuri annoying Okoye even made the wall. Shuri remembered the picture well. T’Challa had taken it. She turned to look at you and you looked down at your feet. 

“I’d miss you all so much when it was time to leave Wakanda. I asked mama if I could have this wall made to commemorate my trips. I love  my home, but you all are my family too. It was always so hard to leave. And you. You Ofcourse are my best friend in the world and I couldn’t print a picture big enough to express it. So you got the whole wall.” You let out a small laugh. “I hope you don’t think it’s weird or anything.” Shuri shakes her head from left to right. “It’s beautiful.” You heard the crack in her voice, and looked up to see her eyes glistening. Instantly making your way over you grab her hand. “It’s not too much for you is it? I can take you to one of the guest rooms and you never have to step foot back in here.” 

“No y/n. It’s perfect. I-I just don’t have the words. Just know that they felt the same about you. And I love you with all of my heart.” She wrapped you in her arms and the two of you stood hugging in the center of your room.

“GIRLS! COME ON AND GET SOME OF THIS FOOD BEFORE YOUR HUNGRY ASS COUSINS SMELL IT AND COME SCRAP THE BOTTOM OF THESE POTS!!” The both of you pull away giggling like teenagers. Wiping at tears that had yet to fall. “She’s right. We should hurry the barrage is coming.” You grab her hand and lead her down the stairs to the kitchen. As soon as you both hit the corner, the door to the back patio opened and your cousin Marcus stepped in all smiles. “What’s hannin’ cuzzo! I knew that was yo ass with that bougie ass rental!” You turn and give Shuri a ‘here they come’ look as you walk over to give him a hug.  “Hey Marcus I’m doing great! How are you?” You say full of sarcasm. “And it’s not a rental. It’s my friends car.” You pull back and gesture towards Shuri. “Oh Shit! That’s the Queen! Ah damn. My bad imma be skraight up wichu’ ion know what to do.” Shuri laughed. “It is fine. I am in your territory. Shuri is just fine.” She spoke shaking his hand. 

“Damn you proper as fuck. Got me wantin’ to say indubitably and shit. Her accent cold den a bih!” 

“Bruh she ain’t even say shit! Go get some food and stop being embarrassing.” You laughed. Shuri stood looking confused. “What is that he’s speaking?” Your eyebrows raise as your face contorts and you double over in laughter. Shuri continues to stare in confusion. When you finally calm down you start to explain. “Some call it Ebonics, more recently it’s been called AAVE ‘African American Venacular English’. But in simpler terms, he just country baby.” You laugh and nudge her towards the kitchen. 

The day was a blast. More and more of your family filed over to meet Shuri. They were filled with questions and so was she. There was good food, laughter, and drinks. Everyone loved Shuri but the children couldn’t get enough of her, and she loved it. She ran up and down the lawn with them. Laughing and carrying on like a carefree child. She was beautiful and something inside of you was seeing her differently. “Beautiful woman Shuri turned out be huh baby girl?” Your mother walked up to you as you watched her play basketball and argue with the boys about her cheating. You turn to your mother who had a sneaky smile on her face. “She’s always been beautiful mama.”

“Yea. But there’s a little something extra to it now. She seems more sure of herself. Physically fit.” Shooting your mother a knowing look, you nod a bit. “I guess you could say that.” Looking out at her in her black sports bra and shorts all of her usual jewelry on as she sweat in the Florida humidity. Her lean muscles flexing with every motion as she dribbled the ball pointing at the hoop obviously taunting Marcus. Yes. Something was different. 

“You know baby. I think It was always there. Sometimes things just evolve with time, and that’s ok. Just because it’s one way today doesn’t mean it should stay that way forever.” Looking at your mother you give small smile and she smiled back. “Now you take that and apply it to whatever you need to.” She pat your thigh and kissed your cheek before walking away, leaving you standing in thought. 

“Y/n! Your cousins a HATER!!” You hear Shuri yell from the court. “Nah yo lil friend a cheater bro.”

“This unsportsmanlike conduct is not attractive, not attractive at all.” She laughed looking up at you, sending you a wink. Your stomach flutters a smile lifting your cheeks as you shake your head. There was definitely a different feeling there. 

You take out your phone and make a phone call. “Hey girl. I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor last minute. I’ll pay you whatever you like.”

The sun began to set as you and Shuri sat on the porch swing together listening to the sounds of the crickets. She lay in your lap as you run your fingers through the parts of her braids. 

“This is beautiful. A beautiful up bringing you had. It explains a lot about you. I wish I’d come here sooner.”

“Oh really? Explains a lot about me in what way?” She shrugged.

“Like why you’re so warm and inviting. So lovable, and intelligent. Definitely why you’re so funny. You’re family is hilarious. Why everything feels better when I’m around you. I don’t know. You just. Feel like home.” She opens her eyes looking up at you. “You are home for me.”  Breath catching in your throat you gaze down into her eyes until the sound of a throat clearing snapped you both out of it. 

“What you girls up to out here” Your mom says grinning knowingly. Shuri bit into her lip as you stumble over your words.

“Uh n-nothing just uh we’re talking.”

“Mhmm. I’m in for the night. Goodnight love birds.” She chuckled 

“Ma!!” You yell as Shuri chuckled. 

“Where are we going?”

After everyone settled in for the night you told Shuri you wanted to take her somewhere special. “Asking a million times isn’t going to make me tell you any faster Shuri. We’ll be there shortly. Just enjoy the ride.” You look at her with a stern stare. She just smiled and rolled down her window as you drove over a tall bridge with a huge body of water beneath. The moon shining bright in the sky. Shuri closed her eyes as the wind blew through her curls. Listening to the music pour through the speakers. 

Soon the two of you pulled up to an isololated picnic area that was pitch black. You stepped out of the car as Shuri sat unsure. Walking around the car you open the door for her, startling her. “Leave your shoes.” She slides off her tan crocks as you reach your hand out to her. She took it, hesitantly stepping out of the car. “You’re not trying to murder me are you? That’s a bad idea.” Laughing you slap her arm. “No psycho, just come.” Interlacing your fingers together you guide her through the darkness. As you walk up wooden stairs the sound of waves crashing and the smell of salt hit your noses. As you came over the top of the stairs of the board walk, fairy lights sparkled against the darkness. The closer the two of you got to the end of the board walk the more the set up of blankets, pillows, and candles came into view. You could feel Shuri’s hand tighten on yours slightly as she followed you. The friend that set up the gorgeous picnic walked over to you with a beautiful bouquet of flowers handing them over. She smiled and gave a nod of greeting to the both of you as you told her thank you as she walked away. 

“These are for you.” You say handing her the flowers. 

“W-what’s all of this?” She says. Her beautiful jawline was on display as she faced the set up, an unreadable expression on her face. “I know you enjoy being by the water and thought you might like this. I was thinking of the conversation we had yesterday, and I just wanted to do something to make you feel special.” Her smile produced slowly a quick gasp of air released from her chest, one giggle, two giggles and uncontrollable burst of laughter. You cock your head to the side a knowing smile spreading across your face. “You’re doing that thing where you laugh really hard to stop yourself from crying again?” Still laughing she nods. “Is it helping?” She shakes her head side to side. “Good. Because it’s ok to let go and cry Shuri.” Stopping herself from laughing she bit her bottom lip as she looked down at you. Once again moving her head from left to right. The signs of her internal battle on her face. 

“Come on let’s sit.” The two of you made yourselves comfortable. Enjoying the assorted fruits, cheeses, and wine while listening to the oceans waves, and talking about everything under the sun. As Shuri loosened up the two of you walked along the shore getting your feet wet which eventually turned into splashing eachother with water, playing like children. You fell back in laughter onto the blanket after you and Shuri made your way back to your area. Looking at her you take note of the beautiful sound of her laughter, her smile lighting up the night and her eyes sparkling. Nothing you’d ever done had been more worth it than this one thing. She sat beside you again as she looked up at the stars. “Thank you for this y/n. The entire day has been beautiful. And I-I really needed this.” 

“I know you did. I just wanted you to be on the receiving end for once. It’s overdue for you. I want you to know it was never my intentions to be insensitive about your relationship. I just don’t want to see you settle for anyone. You deserve the best of everything Shuri. And mostly you deserve to be treated like a lady, and not a toy.”

Shuri was silent as a tear finally fell from her eye. “I-I just thought maybe it was all I was good for y/n. Like Maybe I was not meant to enjoy life’s pleasures.” It was all the reply you needed. “Awww baby girl. Come here.” You motioned towards your lap holding your arms out welcoming her into your embrace. She complied straddling your lap laying her head on your shoulder and wrapping her arms around your neck as though she needed this. Just to be held and cared for for a change. Seen as the young woman she was. Gently you caressed her back rocking from side to side. The tension leaving her body with every tender stroke of your hand. You could feel her body melt into yours. As her muscles loosened her body began to shake. A trembling exhale releasing itsself from her mouth. Her arms tightened around you and she buried her face deeper into your neck. A short puff of air escaped her mouth before a choked sob followed. Until finally the most heartbreaking cry released from her gut. “It’s ok. Let it out. I’m here. You’re safe.” You continue comforting her holding her in silence until her sobbing slowed. 

“Shuri, I’m so sorry. I should’ve come to see you. You’d gone all of this time feeling like you were alone. I was always here. I would never leave you hanging.” You gently push against her shoulders signaling that you wanted her to sit up. She sits up and your heart breaks at the sight of her face. The candle light highlighting the streaks of tears. You’d never seen Shuri so broken. Your hands cupped each one of her cheeks as you spoke. “You know that right? I’ll always be here. I know in a lot of what you do you’re not allowed to be emotional. But you can be that with me. You’re human. You deserved to be loved, cared for, hugged, touched like the gorgeous woman you are.”  Her eyes were beautiful. Even swollen and red with tears they had a certain light. You’d never paid much attention to that before. Wiping at her tears with the pads of your thumbs you get lost in the parts of Shuri you’d never noticed. Shuri’s eyes examined your face, her lip tucking itself into her mouth. Your hands drop, one onto her thigh, the other to her chin. Thumb trailing right underneath her lip. You give a slight tug releasing her lip keeping her chin placed tenderly between your fingers. 

Her mouth began to open and close slightly like she wanted to speak but the words were stuck. She leaned in a small amount and slightly pulled back again eyes fluttering between your eyes and mouth as though she was asking permission. Your grip on her chin became firmer as you gently guide her mouth towards yours. Slowly she bent down stopping short of your lips, your noses grazing against eachothers as her breath tickled your lips. That’s when she closed the distance. Your lips pressed together and it felt like lightening struck you. Engulfed in her scent as her soft lips glided against yours you wondered if she felt it too. The electricity flowing through your veins. As the thought crossed your mind, you got an immediate answer. Shuri moaned into your mouth. The prettiest sound you’d ever heard. She pressed herself into you grabbing onto your hands interlacing your fingers. You gave another moan in response, grazing the tip of your tounge across the bottom of her lip she opened up to you so easily. Allowing you to explore the inside of her mouth. 

Quickly you were loosing control, your thoughts moving a mile a minute, caught up in the intensity of the moment. You pulled away from her mouth and swiftly began placing hot wet kisses along her jaw. Removing your hands from hers placing them on her waist, gripping  onto them pleading with yourself to come down from this high. She was intoxicating. Filling up your senses in ways no one had ever before. Her vulnerability brought out the protector in you. Her body trembled at your touch. New to the feeling of being touched and treasured in this way. Never would either of you have thought it would be the other. Kissing down her neck, the words escaped your mouth before you could stop them. “Let me *kiss* do it *kiss* for you Shuri.” Your hand traveled to the nape of her neck gripping and pulling her head back slightly to make room for you to place kisses at the front of her neck. “I want to take care of you. Mentally, spiritually, physically. Can I do that for you? Will you let me take care of you and your body baby girl. Please?”

Shuri pulled back quickly eyes wide with fear. “I-I’m sorry…. I um.. I can’t.” She removed herself from your lap standing to her feet. You catch her wrist as she headed towards the car. “Shuri wait! I’m sorry if that was too much. I just…I got caught up. Please don’t leave.” Shuri shakes her head left to right. “I can’t do this. This is a lot. I just need a moment. I’ll be in the car.” Pulling away from you she rushed away with you calling after her. 

“Damnit!” 

The drive home had been silent. The next morning you and Shuri prepared to leave early of course with many questions from your mother as you all sat at breakfast.

“Y’all mighty quiet.” She repeated all morning as you both gathered your things.

You’d calmed her with promises of coming back home soon. She walked you both out “Shuri, let me talk to you.” She walked over to your mother silently eyes down cast.

“I don’t know what happened between you and my daughter. But I’m not a fool. I know two people in love when I see it.” Shuri’s eyes snapped up from the ground.

“No need to look shocked. I’m not gonna get too deep in y’all business. But I just wanted to make sure I let you know it’s ok to be happy. You don’t have to punish yourself for being here. I’ve known your mama long enough to know she wouldn’t want that for you.”

“It’s scary out here alone Mama Whit.”

“Oh baby I know. But you don’t have to be alone. I love you and you got a whole other family right here. We can never replace the ones you lost. But we can take up some space.” Shuri smiled. “I’d like that very much.”

“Good. And from now on answer my calls, you don’t want me showing up to Wakanda unannounced!” Wrapping her arms around Shuri as they laughed. “Work it out baby girl. You got this.”

Shuri only spoke to you when necessary during the trip back to Wakanda. It’d now been a few days since the incident and you’d continuously tried to reach Shuri. Even showed up to the palace. You were told she wasn’t there, but you knew it was a lie. Now you sat at home leaving your hundredth message with Shuri as the rain came down hard outside. 

“Shuri, I’m so sorry. Please just answer. We were tipsy and.. and I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean to freak you out. We can pretend it never happened, or talk whatever you want to do. Please just call me back.” 

Shuri had always hated storms. Would stay holed up in her room on the phone with you calming her, and when you’d spend summers in Wakanda you’d make your way to her room  staying up all night watching movies and eating snacks. Now she was completely alone. Sitting back on your couch you stare up towards the ceiling. Never had you had feelings like this for Shuri before. Her eyes, her smell, her aura had over taken you. This immense need to be her lover and protector. That one day opened your eyes to her in so many ways and now you were confused. Now you sat trying to process of all of these new emotions. Your mind was all over the place. But mostly you were scared that you’d lost her for good. Maybe you’d just gotten too excited to see her after so long. Or maybe you truly had feelings for her. You were all the familiarity that she had left in the world. The closest thing to family. Would it really be the worst thing in the world if you had feelings for Shuri. It would if she obviously didn’t share those feelings. 

Letting out a frustrated groan you run a hand over your face. In an attempt to relax your mind you head to your room to get comfortable. Putting on a red silk nightie, pilling your curls into a messy bun and dimming the lights in your apartment. “Griot, turn on relaxation playlist.” You head to your kitchen to pour a glass of wine, when there was a knock at your door. Your heart dropped. There was only one person you could think of that would show up to your home unannounced. Quietly you walk to the door looking into your peephole. The sight shocking you. Swinging the door open you take in the sight in front of you. There she stood. Her curls now out and drenched along with her all black silk set. The shirt tucked and unbuttoned almost to her naval. No bra beneath. The shine of her panther necklace glistening against her wet skin. You could feel an influx of saliva build up inside your mouth while you watched her shift from one foot to the other. 

“Shuri. You came out in this weather?” She swallowed. “I was out driving and now here I am.” She looked so unsure, so innocent as she stood anxiously shuffling in your doorway. It made you nervous too. “Uh well come in. You’re soaked.” 

“Yea, forgot my umbrellla.” She said walking in taking her boots off at the door.

“I’ll go um get you a towel.”  You quickly run to your bathroom and grab her a towel. Before you could think better of it you walk back out to Shuri and immediately pressed the towel into her chest drying her off. Her hand came up over top of yours, holding you there as she looked into your eyes, water dripping from her hair.

“Oh uh m. I’m sorry you can do this yourself. You can help yourself to any of my clothes too. I was just about to pour a glass of wine would you like one?” She moistened her lips never breaking eye contact with you.

“Yes, I’ll have some once I get changed.” Taking the towel from your hands her fingertips grazing the backs of your hands.

“Y-yea. Yea ok.” You exhaled as she brushed past you. That beautiful scent of hers invading your senses once again. You rush back into the kitchen, taking another glass from your cabinet you pour wine for the both of you and waited. Awhile passed and you started getting antsy so you start pulling out ingredients to make your s’more cookies that she loved, to get your mind off of your nerves. You hummed to the music as you began mixing your ingredients.

“Is this mine?” You hear Shuri say from behind you. Turning to see what she’s talking about, your jaw went slack once you caught a glimpse. There she stood in one of your oversized T-shirts and that’s all. The two of you had always been comfortable around eachother. But, Shuri’s version of comfort had always been almost a full sweat suit. Your eyes locked on her pretty long legs. Long, toned, and moisturized. They began to move with her elegant stride. 

“I’ll take that as a yes” she says hopping onto your counter, grabbing the glass of wine and taking a sip sitting with her legs slightly open where you could see her black lace boy shorts peaking at you. “L-leg- I mean yes it it is” You swallow and let out a low groan. Shuri heard and her lip curved into a crooked smile. 

“What are you making?” Placing the glass down she stares at you. Her eyes were low and there was something in her eyes that you weren’t sure that you were reading correctly. You shake it off and continue mixing. “S’more cookies. I know how much you love those.” A light sigh comes from Shuri’s mouth. “You’re always thinking of me. Nobody knows me better than you. Can I taste some of the mix?” She practically purred. You’d never seen Shuri in this element and it was re-wiring your brain cells. What was she trying to do, kill you? Nodding you take some of the mixture onto a spoon and walk over to her. When you were close enough she grabbed your wrist, pulling you inbetween her legs. She held your hand guiding the spoon to her mouth slowly licking away its contents before closing her eyes sucking off the remainder with a moan. “Delicious.” She said. Her eyes opened and gazed straight into yours. Irresistible. That’s all that came to mind as your core leaked with a need for her that you could no longer control. Before you knew it you’re tongue was mixing with the sweet doughy goodness in her her mouth. 

“Fuuuuuck Shuri. What are you trying to do to me?” You say after pulling away from the kiss placing your foreheads together. 

“I got all of your messages. I just wasn’t ready. This is all so new. Suddenly having feelings for you in that way. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and it’s scary. So I tried to rationalize my thoughts and what was happening and I wasn’t ready to except it yet. You’ve been with me what feels like forever. And I don’t want to mess us up. But I couldn’t get your words out of my mind. Your touch. The feeling of your lips. And I had to admit that I-I want it. You bring out the woman in me and I love it.” He mouth hovered closer to yours. “I want you. I want you to take care of me and I want to take care of you. I want to be made love to….like a woman. And I want it to be you. No one gets me like you, cares like you. I’m ready to give us a try if you’re willing.”

You pull back looking into her eyes “So is that what all of this was about? You were trying to seduce me into a relationship?” You bit your lip and smirked. Batting her eyes she answers “Depends on if it was working.” Scoffing you reply “You can’t tell?” She giggled as her hands moved over top of yours that were tightly gripping her thighs. “I’d love nothing more than to give us a try. As long as you’re really ready. We can take it as slow as you need. Are you sure you want to do this? There’s no going back from here.” 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” Placing your finger inside of the bowl you scoop up more of the dough bringing it up to her lips. “Have some more.” She opened her mouth, taking your finger inside and sucking, bobbing her head up and down three times before releasing it with a pop, her eyes never leaving yours. “Oh ok. You want it. And you’re definitely gonna get it.”  She grabs your shirt pulling your mouth onto hers as you fall into a sloppy kiss. Her arms wrap around your neck as she moves her body closer to the edge of the counter. You grab underneath her thighs picking her up off of the counter carrying her into the bedroom. You gently lie her down onto the bed. Placing kisses along her jaw. You pull back as Shuri let go of a dissatisfied groan. 

“Don’t worry pretty girl. I’m gonna make you feel plenty good for the rest of the night. Be patient with me. Can you do that.” She nods beneath you. “Good. Be a good girl and sit against the head board for me.” Standing to your feet you head into the bathroom to wash your hands. When you re-enter the bedroom Shuri’s lean frame sat sexily against the headboard patiently waiting. You take your time walking around lighting candles all around your room as she watched you sway your hips seductively. Now your attention was completely on her as you walk over and Place yourself between Shuri and the head board. You whisper in her ear. “Relax baby. I’m not in a rush. I want you to feel every moment of this. Of how you deserve to be loved.” Massaging her breast over the top of your t-shirt that hung from her body. Her head fell back onto your shoulder as you place your hands underneath her shirt. “I want you to empty that brain of yours tonight. Only focus on my touch okay.” She nodded her head her lip trapped between her teeth. Removing your hands you grab her arms gently raising her them “Let me take this off for you.” Sliding the fabric off of her body you threw it to the floor to be forgotten. Taking her forearms in your hand you gently bring them back around your neck giving you perfect access to her perfect little breast.

“Don’t move your arms from here ok. You’re so sexy like this Shuri. So fucking beautiful.” Your fingers slide all over her body. Brushing across her nipples until they hardened. You began pinching and rolling them between your thumb and pointer finger. “Ah, Bast y/n” she moaned out. “I love it when you moan my name. I’m gonna have to make you make that sound a lot more tonight huh beautiful?” She didn’t respond, so you pinched a bit harder on her nipple causing her body to jerk. “Answer me when Im talking to you.”

“Yes please make me moan your name all night.”

“Hmm. I can do that for you Panther. It’d be my honor.” One of your hands slid slowly down her toned stomach to her panties your hand sliding  over top of them onto her hot mound. Pressing into her and holding. Her breath catches as her hips buck up. “Uh uh. Be still. Just feel. Breathe and feel me. Consentrate on the feeling of me.” Shuri let out a long exhale her body relaxing into your touch. Her pretty legs relaxing to the sides. “Yea. Just like that. Good girl.” She moaned at the praise and you smirk against her neck. Your fingers slowly began to move into her folds overtop of her panties. A light whimper escaped her mouth as she began to move her hips against your palm. Increasing the pressure and pace your fingers move up and down the center of her lips. Her eyes shut tighter and her bottom lip dropped. “Sss that’s right baby girl. Focus on that feeling. Feels good huh? Yeeea it feels good to my baby.”

“Oh Bast. Y/n your driving me crazy.” She whispered. You continue to place kisses to her neck while fondling her breast and playing with her Pussy. Her legs fall open wider and you feel her clit throbbing in her panties. “Tell me how you feel?”

“Sss-so-so good. Mm please.”

“Please what mama? Tell me what you want.”

“M-more. I need more.” Removing your hand from her center you instruct her to remove her panties. Once removed she sat back between your legs placing her hands back around your neck. You drag your middle finger through the center of her lips. “Mmm you’re so fucking wet for me. This all for me?” You pressed into her clit and began rubbing in circles. “YES!! Yes its all for you!” Her arms tightened around your neck. As you continued your ministrations. Rubbing faster as her hips bucked up against your hand. Her curls tickled your ear as her head leaned against yours. You watched the sweat began to build and glisten against her abs as they contracted with her every movement. She was powerful even under your control. You groaned at the sight. “Bast I can’t wait to put those sexy ass legs over my shoulders. To be deep inside this pretty pussy you’ve been hiding away. You ready for that? Huh baby?”

“Uuuhhh huh” She moaned so pretty your eyes rolled back. “Sound so good.” You whisper against her ear. You go faster and so does she. Her muscular thighs contracting. “You gonna cum for me?” 

“Yes sthandwa! I’m gonna cum!” 

“Let it go pretty.” Her body began to tremble in your arms and her ass lifted completely off of the bed. As she let out a yelp. “Yeeaaa. Gooood girlll. Your doing so good for me pretty girl.” Her body went limp against yours as she came down from her. You remove your fingers from her core bringing them up to your lips sucking away her juices. “I always new you’d taste good as fuck. Can I taste some more?” Shuri looked up at you. Eyes blown and in love. She pulled you down into her, kissing you passionately. You move from behind her and inbetween her legs reattaching yourself to her mouth and laying her back gently. You try to move down her body but she locks her legs and arms around you pressing you against her and deepening the kiss. Laughing against her mouth you pull back.

“I love you y/n” you smile and peck her lips. “If you let me go I can show you how much more I love you.”  

You continue your way down her body. Finally taking one of her taught nipples into you mouth. Squeezing her pretty thighs as you take turns with each nipple. Kissing down her stomach and taking your time at her navel. You skip over her center sitting up and lifting both of her legs. “These drive me crazy.” You kiss your way down her legs. Ankles. Calves. Thighs.  Until you make it to the prize. “My God she’s beautiful. Hey pretty girl.” You place a kiss to her lips and then lick one long stripe through her folds. You give a couple more licks before you take hold of her clit sucking and releasing it with a pop. 

“Oh my Bast! I-I uuhh that feels so good sthandwa don’t stop!” Knowing you were bringing those sounds out of her made you want to give her everything. You push her legs back against her chest kissing, sucking, and licking. Her scent putting you in a trance. You could live between her thighs. You massaged her folds with your mouth, slipping your tongue just inside her pussy. Shuri lifted her hips from the sensation, begging you for more. Your tongue moved in and out of her slit. Your mouth traveled upwards flicking your tongue over her clit. Shuri felt something slender penetrate her aching pussy. Looking between her glistening spread legs she saw your tongue lapping her erect tip as your fingers slipped inside. “Uuuhh you’re fucking me so good!” You started pumping slow and steady as you continued savoring her clit.

Shuri could feel another climax drawing near from the intense sensations running through her body. Closing her eyes she listened to the suckling sounds humming across her sex. Her cries of pleasure echoing through the air with every lick. Grabbing her breasts she massaged the way you’d done earlier, taking her nipples and tugging softly. Slipping from her pussy, you took the tip of your finger and began caressing her pearl. Shuri gasped as you slowly massaged warm cream over the sensitive flesh. Her heart was beating faster as she braced herself for her orgasm. And then you pulled away. A frustrated huff left her mouth. “Patience pretty girl.” You finally slip your teddy off of your shoulders. Pulling it off your body. Allowing it to join Shuri’s clothes on the floor. 

You squat overtop of her placing your pussy directly onto hers. She squirmed underneath you. Reaching down to grab your ass. “Is this good?”

“Y-yes. P-please just fuck me!” You lift her leg that was infront of you placing it on your shoulder as leaned down towards her bringing her leg with you. “Gladly” You began moving your hips. Already on the cusp of your orgasam from listening to and watching Shuri. “Don’t run from me ever again. I-I wanna make you feel like this for the rest of my life.” 

“I woooonnnt baby! I won’t! I-I’m not going anywhere! Keep fucking me like that! I’m gonna CUM!!” Her back went into a deep arch as she threw her head back. Tears leaking down the sides of her face. You take the opportunity to latch on to her sexy sweaty neck. “Uuhnn I’m cumming with you baby.” Her hand squeezed tighter on your ass as you felt a gush of liquid against your pussy immediately knocking down your orgasam as well.

“Zakho ezilungileyo! Nguwe ongcono kakhulu!!” (You’re the best. You’re the fucking best.)  

“Fuuuck Shuri! Your pussy’s so fucking good! So good. So fucking good.” You kept repeating against her mouthas you continued moving still cumming while she whimpered beneath you. 

Coming down from your highs you collapsed on top of her sweaty body as she immediately captured your lips again. “You really got to be a pillow princess tonight. How does is feel almighty panther?” You asked once she released her hold on you. “It feels like you’re going to be putting a lot of work in through out the years.” You both laugh as you lay your head onto Shuri’s chest as she wrapped her arms around you as you wrapped yourself around her body gently stroking her side. Her fingers immediately find your scalp again. Your bun was long gone.

“Shuri?”

“Yea?”

“Do you think we’ve always been in love.” 

“Probably”

“Who do you think fell first?” Shuri laughs.

“Obviously you!” You gasp! “That’s not fair!” You laugh along with her knowing it was possibly true.

“No. Honestly I feel as though we walked onto that cliff hand and hand and fell together.”

[allwormdiet]

Sentinel 9.2

Hey Flechette, glad to have you aboard, please mind the bloodthirsty coworker

Interesting way of greeting people, Sophia. At least she has the decency to apologize, eventually.

Also crazy good reflexes on Flechette, holy shit.

Somehow I doubt she's going to only be stuck here for a month

Also God, Sophia is such a tryhard, it's kinda funny when she's not trying to kill somebody about it

Fascinated by the idea that you can tell whether a cape is the type to run across rooftops by vibes.

More exposition, this one to explain Flechette's power and the associated power ratings. With this, I get how she was able to wreck Leviathan's shit better than basically anyone else, "borks physics on projectiles" is a massive benefit. Girl's busted.

Describing Brockton Bay as jerky, awkward, and demanding feels appropriate lmao

Also oh no why do the out of towners keep thinking they should connect with Shadow Stalker, she's like the least friendly one

"Gotta wait for them to obviously commit a crime so we can swing in and kick them in the teeth" - definitely not a cop

Oh yeah, no threat from tranquilizer bolts, except I guess the fucking broken glass that can get embedded in the flesh, Jesus Christ

This fight feels harsh, swift, these guys are going down fast and hard and there's already two nasty blows to the neck.

Speaking of harsh and brutal, Jesus. Sophia really likes to make people hurt, huh?

The restraint thing is cool, very Spider-Man, although hanging people upside-down for an extended period of time feels... dangerous.

Also yeah no kidding Sophia is too comfortable with violence

So, I'm going to sidestep the ethical dilemma of "should someone who was very nearly victimized be allowed to kick the shit out of the people who almost did awful things to them" because I think that's a pretty delicate and complicated topic

What I'm going to focus on instead is "should government-employed superheroes deliberately allow the above to happen," and I'm pretty sure the answer is no? This is an interesting glimmer of sympathy from Shadow Stalker but it's coming at the cost of the physical health of people she's responsible for taking down; even if they're shitheads, even if they were going to try to rape that woman, it doesn't look any better for Shadow Stalker that they're brutalized any further than what it took to incapacitate them

So how's it going trying to make a friend out of the girl that's your age

Shadow Stalker literally calls herself a cop! She says it! And then she throws on "judge, jury, and executioner" just to really drive the point home! Protectorate heroes and Wards have the room to treat themselves as goddamn Judge Dredd in times of emergency, either because of tacit approval by their superiors or because of insufficient oversight! Both options are bad!

Flechette is smart enough to distance herself at least

The only real rebuke against Shadow Stalker's whole deal is that nobody who knows her especially likes her

Let's not shame a man for knowing things about dolls, hmm? We can do better than that

The detail about what a parian doll is is kinda neat though

Also very neat that she's a fashion student using her superpowers to make herself stand apart from her peers

That could've gone really poorly, holy shit

Goddamn, Parian takes this seriously.

Well, glad she's finding someone to connect with at least, for all that Shadow Stalker was a bust.

Being a conflict-avoidant parahuman has to fucking suck, good lord. No wonder Parian's on edge, she's acting as muscle for an entire group of survivors and probably on call the entire day, and she hates every second of it.

And so a spark is struck.

Wonder why Parian is dressing up to look white. Further obfuscation of her identity? Makes as much sense as anything.

At least Flechette is wringing some kind of benefit out of this ass assignment

Current Thoughts

Nice to more officially meet the both of these characters. Flechette seems nice and has a neat power, Parian seems nice and has a neat power. Wild to me that they're gonna be like, the token wlw couple in this story, there's already so much tension involving Taylor and other girls.

Shadow Stalker basically told on herself this chapter and will continue to tell on herself for the rest of the arc

[alpaca-clouds]

Why human culture became monogamous

Let me talk about one thing: The reason for the prevailance of monogamy these days. Because I think a lot of people are not quite aware of this.

If you are monogamous, this is not a slight against you - it is simply about the history of it.

Because here is the thing: Homo Sapiens as a species is not monogamous. And all that we can say about our biology so far is, that we are not even a seasonally monogamous species.

To explain: There are species, that are monogamous, or seasonally monogamous. In a monogamous species, animals mate for life. And once they have mated, they will not be interested in any other animal anymore. We actually see this behavior most often in different birds, like some swans and penguins.

There are also species, who are seasonally monogamous. Again, this is mostly seen in birds. Seasonally monogamous species mate once per mating circle and then again do not experience any interest in potential other partners.

The reason that this is mostly seen in birds is probably an evolutionary adaption based on the fact that with birds at least one partner needs to keep the eggs warm, so that the other partner needs to bring in food to the nest.

Homo Sapiens meanwhile are not that. Homo Sapiens do experience attraction to people other than their current partner. And in fact there is a lot of biological evidence, that biologically speaking we have evolved to live in groups and within these groups just fuck whoever.

Biologists have pointed out that the fact that our bodies produce oxytocine in response to sex, which builds trust and produces generally positive feelings towards others. This does seem like an evolutionary adaption to produce closer knit groups.

We can say this, because we can see the same in bonobos - one of our closest relatives in the animal kingdom.

Biologists also assume, that our moaning during sex is actually an adaption to invite others to join us.

And of course we do just know that we will just randomly fall in love and feel attracted to other people independent of our romantic status right now.

So, why is our society geared towards monogamy?

The answer is simply: Patriarchy.

See, monogamy is mostly a result of the patriarchy. Which is also why monogamy mostly sprang up in patriarchal cultures, while not being that prevalent in matriarchal or more egalitarian cultures.

Patriarchy only emerged once we settled down and started owning land. Why exactly it sprang up, we do not really know, but we do know that it ran into one problem: It relied on the patrilinear succession and inheritance. And that is a bit more complicated than matrilinear succession, right?

Because a woman will always know who her children are. It is quite easy to know, given that the woman is the one pressing the child out of her uterus.

A man meanwhile? Well, he cannot know who his children are in a world before paternity tests. At least not unless he makes sure that the woman birthing the child has slept with nobody but him. And hence: Monogamy. At least enforced monogamy for women.

This is also what led to all those other ways of men controlling women. Controlling how they dress and shaming them for whatever thing they might do, that men find attractive. Because it all has to do with this patriarchal fear of not knowing whether a child is yours or not.

Of course it has to be noted that originally this only led to polygyny. So a man, who would take several wives, but control the wives so that they would not sleep with another men. But we do assume these days, that the reason it led to monogamy was, that polygyny made the societies too instable, because it would naturally mean, that some men would not have any women and that was not good.

Hence... Monogamy was what people started to settle on more and more. Including this idea that men somehow owned women.

If you feel more comfortable with monogamy... Sure, fine. Good for you. But I think we really should speak more openly about the fact, that monogamy is something that is based completely in the patriarchy and in the end mostly exists to suppress women. For no other reason.

[serenasoutherlyns]

have my cake/eat it too

Cabenson, mature. ao3

Alex Cabot was going to drive her insane. She knew it must be happening, but she didn’t need to see it with her own two eyes. Alex at the bar next to some woman, Olivia couldn’t place where she recognized her from. She had dark features-- like Olivia herself. Alex wore that blue silk dress that exposed just the right amount of skin, her collarbones, her elegant shoulders. She had worn that dress on a particularly enjoyable date. She had her hair curled and pulled half back. Olivia felt her ears burn, and left. Whatever, right? It’s not like she owned her. Technically, they weren’t even together, right now. It wasn’t like Olivia wasn’t doing it too. She still felt sharp, twisting anger.

Callie was a journalist she knew. She had short brown hair that was showing early signs of gray at the temples. Shorter than Olivia, and curvy. Olivia called her and was unsurprised at her immediate answer, nor how she came over within the half-hour. Olivia kissed her with energy, nipping, sucking. Callie matched her intensity all night and left as fast as she came. Olivia couldn’t help falling asleep with Alex’s lithe body filling her head. It made her sick.

---

At work, she tried her best to act normal, professional. Alex was cold and simple in their conversations: did you get the file, what did the suspect’s lawyer say, good job on the witness stand. Olivia was similar. Despite this, there was a simmering tension that Munch picked up on. What was going on, he wanted to know. Olivia brushed it off as nothing. Munch was less than satisfied. What’s more, Alex didn’t stop driving her crazy. Olivia found herself nearly salivating at Alex’s tight sweaters and the way she would tuck her hair behind her ears, at the click of her heels on the cement floors of the precinct. She wanted her so bad. But they weren’t together. Right now. It was just too complicated-- they had agreed on this.

It was good to know she still had it, Olivia thought, after picking up a stranger at the lesbian bar one night. The woman was tall and blonde, but Olivia justified it with the fact that they looked nothing alike in the face. Olivia was on autopilot, this time, her mind swimming with Alex, Alex, Alex.

---

They couldn’t avoid working late together forever. Olivia couldn’t help herself: she brought it up.

“I saw you, at Penelope’s. With a woman,” Olivia mentioned in a quiet moment. Alex sighed back.

“I thought we were sticking to work at work,” was her reply.

“It’s not like we talk outside of work,” Olivia said.

“That’s true. Why do you care that I had drinks with a woman?”

“I think you could guess, Alex.”

“We’re not together, Olivia.” Olivia looked at her with what she could only imagine was seething anger, because Alex seemed taken aback for a moment, then she smiled. “You agreed, it’s too complicated.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t need to see it.”

“It’s not like I meant for you to,” said Alex, laughing with indignation.

“I mean, she looked like me, Alex, just say you want me back.”

“No,” said Alex. “Now can we get back to work?”

“Fine,” said Olivia, “fine.”

She didn’t mean for Rollins to be one of them, but she was unsurprisingly insistent and tipsy when she called, and Olivia was just horny enough to let her come over. She wondered if it had been a spur of the moment decision for the other detective or if she had a crush. She didn’t care that much. So much for limiting complications, so much for not sleeping with her coworkers-- whatever. Things would be fine, they were both adults.

The woman was surprisingly gentle, though clumsy. Olivia got her into bed giggling. A reddish-purple spot bloomed on Amanda’s neck, and Olivia found she didn’t regret it. Amanda wore a comfortable-looking gray turtleneck to work the next day, and they shared a little knowing glance.

---

Jack McCoy was running for reelection again, and Olivia wasn’t surprised to get an invite to the big fundraiser downtown. The campaign rented some big hotel ballroom. It was a little gauche, but that was to be expected. She appreciated the excuse to dress up a little, and the excuse to bring a date. Amanda was as easy as anyone else. They had talked about their rendez-vous, and decided to leave it at once, but she didn’t mind her company for a night out. She really didn’t regret it when she saw the scowl on Alex’s face when she saw the two of them sharing a joke.

“Counselor,” said Amanda, who knew nothing about the situation, beyond rumors. “Bad hors d'oeuvres?” Those cop manners, Olivia cursed.

“Hi, Detective,” Alex said curtly, not answering her question. “How are you doing?” The words were cold and slicing. Olivia got some satisfaction out of it. Jealousy was a two-way street, it seemed.

“I’m alright,” said Amanda. “Liv tried to class me up for the night.”

“I see that,” said Alex.

“It didn’t take,” said Amanda, “it usually doesn’t.” She let out her charming grin, and Alex’s expression soured even further.

“I think you look lovely,” said Olivia, playing into the game. She almost saw Alex roll her eyes. “Darling.”

“Well, nice to see you, detectives,” Alex said before pretending to see someone across the room and striding off with purpose. Olivia watched her walk away.

“What the hell is her deal?” Amanda asked her when she was (barely) out of earshot.

“Oh,” said Olivia, “my guess is bad hors d'oeuvres.”

---

Olivia pulled Alex in by her waist, kissed her with intention, though languidly, lips moving slowly, enjoying every millimeter of her, every little movement. Alex moaned softly, and it sent a shiver through Olivia. Alex’s soft hands interlaced behind Olivia’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer, letting Olivia’s tongue into her mouth, exploring the familiar space eagerly. They dropped down onto the couch and their hands roamed more, eventually, Olivia’s hand was hot under Alex’s shirt, feeling urgently. Alex moaned again, louder this time, and Olivia needed the fabric gone. Without even telling her to, Alex pulled the thin v-neck over her head. Olivia kissed her shoulder, then looked up, making eye contact with her, admiring her kiss-swollen lips and glassy eyes.

Her alarm went off. Olivia blinked in the early morning dark. She couldn’t shake it off all day.

---

Olivia was incensed. This was her coffee shop, she had been the one to introduce Alex to it. And here she was, with Abbie Carmichael. How dare she, honestly. Olivia was just trying to enjoy her Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t even some stranger like last time, but someone they both knew. She must be visiting from Washington. Olivia didn’t want to talk to them, but Abbie stopped her.

“Liv, hey,” she said in that raspy drawl of hers, “long time no see.”

“Abbie,” Olivia said, trying to keep the contempt out of her voice. “It’s nice to see you.” Alex was staring into her mug like it was going to tell her what to do. “How’s Washington?”

“Busy,” said Abbie with a laugh. “Crazy.”

“Better to be busy than idle,” Olivia said. Alex looked up. Her face was pink.

“That’s what my mother says,” said Abbie. “We should get drinks while I’m here.”

“That sounds like a great time,” said Olivia. “Well, nice to see you two,” said Olivia, and waved. As she left, she shot a look back at the table. Alex had a hand on her forehead.

---

“Olivia, can I talk to you?” Alex asked that Monday. Olivia expected it to be work, but it wasn’t. Alex walked into her office and crossed her arms in front of her. “What the fuck is your problem, Olivia?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, fake-oblivious.

“Bullshit,” said Alex. “You know I wasn’t even on a date with Abbie? That was just friendly. You embarrassed me in front of a friend, it was so out of line!” Alex’s voice was a whisper but she may as well have been yelling.

“Out of line is you interrogating my date at the fundraiser,” said Olivia.

“Yeah, because you were being so mature.” Olivia scoffed at her.

“Why do you even care?” Said Olivia. “What’s your problem, Alex?”

“You’ve been trying to make me jealous.”

“I haven’t, but good to know that you are,” said Olivia. At that moment she realized they were inches away from each other. Her eyes flitted to Alex’s lips, then her eyes, briefly to her hands. She opened her mouth to talk, but was cut off by Alex kissing her. It was a quick but intense kiss. They were lucky it was late because Alex’s blinds weren’t closed. Olivia pulled her in again and Alex let out a muffled mmph sound.

“You’re,” said Alex breathily, pulling back, “You’re infuriating.”

“Then go,” said Olivia. “If I piss you off so bad.”

“It’s my office,” said Alex.

“True,” said Olivia, who dropped Alex’s hand and turned to go. Alex gripped her stronger. “Do you want me?” said Olivia, her tone a mile away from moments ago.

“Desperately,” said Alex. “Do you know how, how mad I’ve been?” She laughed a little.

“I think I have some idea,” said Olivia.

---

“So, do you think it’s too complicated still?” said Alex in the morning.

“No,” said Olivia, “I think you’re worth any complication.”

“Sap,” said Alex, kissing her shoulder.

“What time is it?” Olivia asked. Alex rolled over to look at the clock.

“7:30,” she said.

“Good,” murmured Olivia, “plenty of time.”

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Can we ask for more info on Tomas mother?

Whats her name? What’s she like, does she still care and love Tomas?, is it possible to help Tomas and her reconcile?

Her name is Veronica Angelina de Alamilla, long as hell name but that's upper class Castelliones for you.

Veronica is very... proper. I think that's a good word for her; she is always sitting straight, speaks with a polite tone, and dresses like old royalty. The thing is, she was always the perfect pawn of her own family and was well aware of it. Her family is also a very old one but didn't quite have the same land and the wealth as Tomás's father did.

The Vasquez's were a well off, old, respectable, and most importantly; a dying house with only two family members of the main branch left. Veronica's family saw an opportunity and sent their eldest daughter to woo him, when she succeeded they were quickly wed. Only problem was that the Alamilla's thought they could easily control Tomás's father, mold him to do what they wanted because he was young and had little family left. What they didn't know was that he was a proud and loving man that wanted to take care of his wife and live their own lives, respectfully apart from his in laws.

He didn't see the marriage as a full merger of their families like Veronica did, but rather; all he saw was a beautiful woman who loved him and he swore to marry her and take care of her for the rest of his life. He wanted them to make their own life, independent from politics and... nagging extended family members. He would often tell her that she while he understands they are family, he and how many ever children they have is now her immediate family. That she needed to let go of being so directly attached to the Alamilla's, that she is a Vasquez now.

Veronica's own emotions are complicated, she often ignores her feelings entirely and deeply enjoys being the 'good daughter', the example, the prize of the Alamilla's. Their best asset.

Tomás's father was just a tool to her at first, she was just doing her duty by swaying him into favoring her above his other potential suitors. Not that he really knew that he had any others, as soon as Veronica set her eyes on him many women knew better than to even try. She has a serious reputation among Castellion circles, one that paints her both as an exemplary noble woman and a terrifying, vindictive, manipulator. She was very surprised by just how genuine and lovingly her husband was to her, it made things complicated.

There is more to that, but I'll save it for Tomás's storyline lol.

As for if MC can help reconcile him and his mom, they can certainly try! Whether it changes Tomás's mind or if MC would even want to after knowing the full story of everything she did, is the real question!

[fryandleelasbigfling]

i think leela deserves more appreciation than she gets.

i mean obviously there’s the people who just kind of degrade her into a pinup girl, we can all agree that’s lousy. but i think even a lot of good natured fans will write her off as the no-nonsense straight man to fry and bender, the “one with the braincell,” the one who has everything together and isn’t really willing to get silly like the boys. 

and yeah that can be true, especially in earlier seasons. but i think people underappreciate leela’s development and the fact she really is a messed-up, complicated, weird woman. 

for one thing, her kickass fighting abilities are well understood, but her kung-fu skill emerged as a way to work out her anger from being bullied, so she often resorts to violence as a defense mechanism even when it isn’t necessarily needed. in “hell is other robots” she gets freaked out by the mosh pit and beats up the other concertgoers, “bender’s game” is about how her anger can overtake her and even being punished for violence won’t faze her, and in “lethal inspection” she outright admits violent outbursts are how she copes with mortality. “anthology of interest 1″ shows that she will descend into a murderous rampage at the slightest provocation if she had just a bit worse impulse control. 

she’s also really stubborn! like, she will have a full-on mental breakdown if someone insists she can’t do something, because she has such an issue with being treated as unwanted and “worthless” that she needs to prove herself as highly capable of anything. "the sting," “mobius dick” and “bender’s game” are both great examples, as is the back half of “bender’s big score” -- note the sharp turn from “happy, calm, in love, willing to let other people handle the situation” to “insists on taking charge, kicking ass, and self-isolating” after lars leaves her at the altar. 

also as great as it is that she’s more organized than fry, this veers into some weird habits like freezing all her dinners a month in advance and having a very minimalist apartment for a while. this plays into how anxious she gets about taking risks. she is very pedantic about grammar and can get ridiculously overzealous about keeping her crew safe and healthy. however she gets bored and frustrated when she doesn’t have excitement in her life. 

she is very bad at organizing papers, preferring to just hide things away even when they become too big to ignore (symbolic!), completely failing when she steps in for hermes in “lethal inspection.” she also forgot to vote despite preaching about it all episode in “a head in the polls.” she is not as infallible as she wants people to believe! she just tries harder to justify it to herself than others, because she also has a severe guilt complex -- if she admits to herself that she did something wrong, she feels she needs to be punished.

she has a lonely, mundane home life. she can struggle with creativity and settle on an unexciting option (i.e. wanting to use superpowers for “humdrum activities” in “less than hero”), which is where fry’s tendency to blurt out any idea that comes to mind comes in handy. 

despite being fairly fashionable, she sometimes struggles with traditional femininity. not just bc of her attitude and mutations but also her feet and breath stink lmao. she also has a bit of a potty mouth and has said “fuck” (bleeped out) in at least three episodes. she's a terrible singer (despite katey herself being a great singer).

she is implied to have a “hedonistic” past and used to drive around in a mausoleum as a teenager. she went to her prom alone with a dress made of carpet remains. she dropped out and “bummed around india for a while” after college. 

she has a massive soft spot for animals, including “gross” ones like leeches, and despite all her violence, she usually backs down if it means a (perceived) innocent animal will be hurt. this can sometimes backfire on her (i.e. “into the wild green yonder”). she is very protective and empathetic towards living creatures, probably cuz she never had anybody looking out for her. she likes to read books about animals to relax. 

she regularly visits the orphanarium and is very concerned with being a good role model for those kids, emphasizing especially with sally. it is repeatedly implied in the (admittedly semi-canon) comics that she wants to be a mother. 

she plays with her hair when she’s nervous or flirty. she had an anxiety attack and physically froze up when she thought a mutant was stalking her. she had a bedwetting problem as a child and even her warden still holds it over her head. 

she has repressed mental illness related to her lack of family growing up  and has a desperate need for companionship, but sets high standards so she won’t get her heart broken first. whenever she’s single, she is very cynical about love and doesn’t do well seeing happy couples. 

she seems very obsessed with normality and stability which is why she often seeks men of high status to date, even if they turn out to be jerks. however, she outgrows this after meeting her family, as she becomes extremely attached to them despite their low status and embraces her mutant culture quickly. 

her mutations are not limited to her eye. she not only has a whole episode about her now-cured genetic mutant disease, but she occasionally lays an egg and has talons on her elbows. depending on the episode, she can be quite disabled by her single eye due to her lack of depth perception. there’s also the singing boil but that episode sucks lol

she also can get really horny lol. once she’s dating fry steadily, she tends to initiate things a lot more, even in public. i think it’s sometimes more of a fanservice thing but it’s always funny to see her so down bad, especially in the comedy central era

she likes bender because of his “in your face attitude” and often has a playful dynamic with him despite disapproving of his lack of morals. she doesn’t like amy a lot of the time but they can get along and comfort each other when the time is needed. i’m not even getting into her and fry because that’s its own post.

overall i just love leela a lot, she’s such a weird, complicated, fascinating character and i could go on about her All Day. 

[shipmistress9]

Fool me once... - A 'made to Order' story

The rating for this one changed!

Rating: M

Fandom: The Empyrean - Fourth Wing

Pairing: Riorgail - Xaden/Violet

Summary: This is a follow-up to my fic 'Made to Order'. I recommend reading that one first as this is basically just an epilogue/extra to that story.

Six months have passed since 'the wedding'. Violet and Xaden are happy together, have grown into their relationship, and are about to take the next step. Then another formal even brings back bad memories for Violet, and she finally confides into Xaden about what happened all those months ago.

. o O o .

“Tell me again,” I mutter as I try for the fifth time to bind this cursed bow tie. “Why do we have to go to Dain’s wedding again?” Honestly, this is ridiculous. How hard can it be to bind one stupid knot?

With her lips pressed together to keep herself from grinning, Violet steps in front of me and reaches to do the tie for me. “It’s not—there you go—not his wedding again. It’s the six month anniversary of their wedding.”

There’s a snort coming from the living room, and I can only agree with Liam’s assessment. “This is ridiculous,” I grumble. “Who celebrates their wedding day with an equally big party as the wedding itself, let alone an even more formal one? Let alone the six month anniversary?”

Violet sighs, and I can’t blame her. It’s not like we didn’t have this conversation a few times already. I just… still don’t get it.

“Well… basically, it’s not the anniversary we’re celebrating, I guess,” Violet explains with admirable patience, especially since I know how annoyed she is about today’s event, too. “It’s a charity event and they just picked this reason to make it more interesting, make it stand out.”

Okay, that does make sense. Kind of. A little bit.

“And why do we have to go, then? It’s not like I have any money to donate.” Besides, there’s a lot of things I’d prefer instead of going to a stuffy pompous black tie event. Even though I have to admit… the last time I attended one of Dain’s ‘weddings’, it didn’t end so badly.

Violet stretches onto the toes of her high heels to place a quick kiss onto my lips. “Because as Dain’s Best Woman, I’m expected to make an appearance, and as the great boyfriend you are, you agreed to accompany me even though we both know it’ll be boring as fuck.”

A sly smile spreads across my face and I wrap an arm around her waist to keep her close. “I don’t think fucking is boring. In fact…” I let my hand glide down to her sweet ass and squeeze.

For a moment, Violet’s eyes spark with interest, her hips grinding against me. But then she sighs and pushes herself away from me. “Tempting. But that’ll have to wait for later. We really should get going now.”

A shame, really. But she’s right. And I even get why she has to go to this party. Family ties can be complicated, and the least I can do is support her.

We leave my bedroom—or does it count as our bedroom with how much time she’s spending here?—and enter the spacious living area. Liam is lounging on the sofa, a gaming controller in his hands, and I feel a pang of envy at his comfortable clothes. Stupid bow tie and smoking…

At the sound of Violet’s ridiculous shoes, he looks up and lets out an impressed whistle. “Wow, you look amazing in that dress.”

“I’ll try to not take that as an insult.” She mock-purses her lips, then grins. “But thanks. I certainly think this dress suits me much better than the one I wore to the last wedding.”

Liam smirks. “Very true. Hopefully, it won’t suffer the same fate.”

“Yeah, that would be a shame. I like this dress.”

I roll my eyes. They’re never going to let me live that down…

But I have to give Liam this much, Violet really does look abso-fucking-lutely amazing. In contrast to the ugly bridesmaid dress she was roped in to wear even as Dain’s Best Woman—and that didn’t survive that night—today, she wears an elegant black gown. The backless top is designed to look like overlapping leaves—as if just begging me to peel the whole thing off her—and the lower part is a skirt made of the finest silk—which I know for a fact would be entirely see-through if it weren’t for the countless layers used here. Her hair looks gorgeous, too, but it always does. Today, she wears it not in some intricate crown, though. Instead, it hangs freely down over her back and shoulders, and one could think she didn’t put any effort into her hairstyle. But I know that she spent over an hour in the bathroom earlier to get it to look smooth as silk like this. Personally, I prefer this over the braided crown. It further highlights the bladelike silver her hair fades into—and I know she wears it like this to stick it to her vain mum just as much as for my sake.

There’s so much I learned about her during these last months, and every tiny detail has made me love her even more. She hasn’t said it back yet, but that's okay. I don’t know what exactly happened between her and Dain before his wedding, but I know it left her deeply hurt. And if she needs time to heal and to settle into her new life—our new life—then I don’t mind giving her this time. After all, she decided to move in with Liam and me to occupy one of the many additional rooms when she just as easily could have afforded another flat on her own. She wants to be here, be with me. That’s all I need to know.

“Let’s leave,” I sigh, taking my coat and handing Violet hers before I forget all obligations and maybe break in her future room again. “After all, we mustn’t miss the stupidity of celebrating the six month anniversary of the wedding of the decade.”

“Speaking of stupidity,” Liam pipes up, mirth saturating his voice. “Do you remember that one time you spent two months moping around because you didn’t think of asking one simple question?”

Oh, Dunne, help me. This is another point he’s never going to let me live down, and… I can’t even blame him for it. Or for bringing it up today as it’s not just the anniversary of the wedding itself. But at least this one isn’t my fault alone.

“How was I supposed to know she wasn’t organising her own wedding?” I throw my hands up.

Violet snorts, but she really played her own part in that misunderstanding. “How was I supposed to know you were actively avoiding the very public headlines about Dain’s wedding? They were on the front page of every social magazine, on the radio, and all over the city, as well. For weeks!”

I grimace. “I… didn’t want to hear or read anything about you marrying someone else,” I mutter. Fuck, who would have thought that my utter lack in interest in any social gossip would ever fuck me over like that.

Violet snorts again, shaking her head, but I see the soft smile she gives me, see the emotions brimming in her eyes. And from one moment to the other, I don’t mind the teasing any more. Because she’s worth every moment of suffering.

Over on his place on the sofa, Liam groans and very pointedly picks his gaming controller back up. “You two really deserve each other.”

With a subtle motion, Violet leans her head against my arm, maybe in response to Liam’s words. And honestly? I really hope he’s right.

. o O o .

On the way to the town hall, Violet’s mood shifts. The closer we get the quieter she becomes, her lips press into a thin line, and her knuckles stand out white from how hard she’s gripping the steering wheel.

“Is… everything okay?”

Violet makes a little distressed noise in the back of her throat. “Later.”

Swallowing, I lean back into my seat. I can accept that, let her work through it until she’s ready to talk to me. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

It doesn’t get better when we enter the town hall, Violet’s hand trembling as she shows off our invitation. She’s practically clinging to my arm. But at least she doesn’t need to focus on the road anymore. Once inside, we mingle a bit, Violet slipping into the role her mother drilled into her, chatting amicably with wealthy businessmen, high-ranking military, and even some members of the nobility. But even though she doesn’t let anything show, I can still feel the tension in her, growing with every minute. And it gets worse when the rumour spreads that the ‘wedding couple’ finally arrived.

Violet grows pale and quiet, even more so than before. And then she bolts.

She murmurs a quick “I’m sorry!”, then she slips through a side door and it’s all I can do to muffle a low curse and go after her. Following her harsh breathing, I find her around a corner. She’s leaning against a wall, eyes closed and visibly shaking.

Slowly, I approach her. “Vi? What’s up? Talk to me, please.”

“It’s nothing,” she sobs. “I’m fine. I… I’m not hurt or ill or anything. I just… just need a minute?”

With my lips pressed into a thin line, I nod. From how she looks, I guess she’ll need more than just one minute, but I know exactly where she can get as much time as she needs.

“Come.” I hold out my hand and pull her along when she takes it. I’ve been here often enough by now to at least remember the rough outlay of the servant routes. So it only takes me a minute to locate who I was looking for, her pink hair standing out where she directs her subordinates.

“Imogen?”

She finishes giving an order to a group of waiters, then turns toward me. At first, an expression of suppressed exasperation crosses her face, thinking I’m just a guest who got lost. Then she recognises me. “Xaden! On the other side of the fun for once? How’s it going?”

I grimace and ward off her attempt at brief small talk with a shake of my head. “I’m sorry, but could you give me the key to the preparations room? She needs a few minutes.”

The smile on Imogen’s face falters as she looks at Violet behind me and sees how she’s still shaking. “Of course.” She pulls the key from her pocket. “Take as much time as you need. We won’t be needing that room today anymore.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

Another minute or so later, I close the door to the preparations room and lock it. “Okay,” I murmur as I turn towards her. “We’re alone. What do you need? Just a little time? Should I leave as well?”

Violet is still shaking and clearly having a hard time focusing on anything. But she still shakes her head. “Don’t leave me alone,” she gasps and wraps her arms around my torso, her face buried against my chest.

“Alright.” I close my arms around her. “It’s okay. I won’t go anywhere. Just… just breathe. Calm down. We have all the time in the world.”

For a little while, we just stand like this. Just her in my arms, her shoulders heaving from her erratic breathing. Just me soothingly rubbing her back, her shoulders, and murmuring calming words. But then, she shakes her head, frantically. “I can’t. Calm down. My head just keeps whirling.” She sucks in a shaky breath, her hand tightening at my back. “Can you… distract me?”

She looks up at me and I see it in her eyes, the plea, what she means.

I suck in a breath, but nod. I’d do anything for her. Looking around, I guide her over to the sitting area at the far side of the room, sitting down on a cushions sofa and position her on top of me, one leg on each side of mine, her skirts pushed up to her waist and fanning out over our legs.

“Like this?” I murmur as I guide her head to rest against my shoulder, and she nods wordlessly.

I start simple, just further caressing her bare back, then her neck, her sides. When she starts to relax, I grow bolder and run my hands down to her waist, the small of her back, her ass. Violet gasps but only pushes into my touch, wanting more. So I wiggle one arm between us to lightly caress her through her underwear, then press a little harder when she mewls for more. I build her up slowly, gradually, thoroughly taking her mind away from whatever is bothering her until she can focus on nothing but what my fingers do to her. Only when she can’t stop mewling, her fingers digging tightly into my shoulders, I slip my hand beneath the fabric of her panties and touch her like she needs me to. With two fingers hooked inside her, I grind my palm against her, pushing her higher as Violet rolls her hips into my touch. Then she breaks, beautifully, her moan muffled against my neck.

I push her through it and only when she stops quaking in my arms do I pull my hand away, careful not to stain her dress or my fancy trousers.

“Better?” I murmur once her breathing evened out again.

Violet hums, cuddling against my shoulder. “Yeah. Thank you. Do you want me to…”

I chuckle. “I’m more than okay with waiting until later.” I place a soft kiss against her forehead. “So, what was this all about?” I ask, my fingers running calmly up and down her spine after I cleaned them on a paper tissue from a nearby box.

She tenses, but only a tiny bit, not enough to raise my alarms again. “I… didn’t want to see Dain and Amber again. Couldn’t at that moment.”

I nod. So it really was about him. “Do you still have feelings for him?” I wouldn’t blame her if she did. She’d been in love with Dain for nearly her entire life. Such feelings don’t just evaporate overnight.

Letting out a little snort, Violet shakes her head, then sits up straighter to look at me. “No, I don’t have feelings for Dain anymore,” she says, and the expression on her face as her eyes keep me prisoner, so full of warmth and emotions, makes something inside me melt. “I… I’m more than happy with how things are now. Between us, you and me. With… where it’s going, moving in and everything.”

Her fingers absentmindedly trace along my jaw, my lips, leaving a tingling trail in their wake. I close my eyes to enjoy her soft touch, but then wrap my hand around hers, making her pause. “But?” I probe gently. I need to know what upset her so much, if only to help her avoid it in the future.

Sighing, Violet lets her forehead rest against my own. “But… the idea of seeing him again—seeing them again—after their six month honeymoon, it brought back everything that happened eight months ago, everything I felt back then, what happened before that. And it just… it was just too much.”

She grows tenser again, but I don’t do or say anything, just hold her, and after a few seconds, she relaxes again.

“Did I ever tell you what happened?”

I shake my head. “Do you want to tell me?”

Violet lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I think I should. It might take a while, though.”

At that, I grin. “I’m in no hurry to get back out there.”

We get more comfortable on the sofa, Violet with her legs tugged to her side as she leans onto the low headrest and me sitting sideways to face her, one knee angled towards her. Her shoes are on the floor, my jacket is hanging over a nearby chair, and I even found a couple of glasses and cool water for us to drink.

“So… I told you that Dain and I have known each other since we were little, yes?” she begins, running her finger through the condensed water on her glass.

Taking a sip from my own, I nod. “Yeah, since you two were five and six, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” She gives me a small smile. “And we’ve been inseparable ever since. Always sticking together, during classes and our free time alike. We went on ‘adventures’ around where his parents and my mum were stationed, always finding some places to swim or climb or caves to explore. My body is prone to giving out on me, as you know, stupid joints and ligaments, so every time I sprained an ankle or something, he was the one to escort me to the closest paramedic, carrying me there as soon as he was strong enough for that. He always looked out for me and in return I helped and explained whenever he had a problem in school. We… we were a good match.

“When I was around eight years old, I think, some other kid tried to be mean and made a comment about how Dain should marry me, the weakling, with how pathetic we both were. And, well, that thought got stuck in my head. It made sense, didn’t it? I didn’t know anything about love or sex, but just spending my life with my best friend—like how my parents also seemed to be such good friends—seemed like the way to go. So, yeah, it made sense. And I… knew that would be where we were heading, the only possible conclusion.

“It became even clearer when I realised he felt the same. For my tenth birthday, he gave me that ring. Apparently, he’d seen it in a shop and the ‘silver’ look of the stainless steel and the diamond-like glass stone reminded him of me. Or that’s what he said later. That it made him think of my hair and of how I could be and do so much more than our parents and the doctors insisted upon. So much more capable than just the sum of my weak body. Anyway, he fulfilled a few extra duties for his father to ‘earn’ himself the money to buy that ring and then gave it to me as a birthday gift. I liked it a lot, but Mira just laughed. You know how she’s never one to mince her words. So in all her teenager grandeur, she explained to us what it means when someone gifts someone else a ring. She meant to embarrass Dain and me. But unflappable and practical as he was—even at eleven years old—he didn’t let her make fun of him and instead went down on his knee and made a big show of proposing to me. It was a lot of fun, especially when Mira rolled her eyes and stomped away. We laughed and I think I made some comment about how that was a great joke. ‘Who said it was a joke?’ That was his reply. I still have it memorised, still hear him say it in my head.

“In the years after that, it came up again every now and then—the occasional amused comment about how we were already engaged, after all. We were each other’s first kiss when I was fourteen, and each other’s first time two years later with many more afterwards, even though we never talked about it, never used terms like boyfriend and girlfriend, never even decided to be exclusive. We both had crushes on other people, occasionally, but it never lasted long. Either because they felt weirded out by our close friendship or because we found that we were drawn to each other more than to that other new person. After all, we were already engaged. We could fool around and gather experience, but would always end up together anyway.

“We ‘took the next step’ so to speak when we moved to this town after high school to attend college. He even waited a year so we could do this together. We didn’t quite move in together, but we got apartments right next to each other, and with how much time we spent together, it felt very much like living together. We still never talked about the state of our relationship, but it wasn’t necessary. Not when I stopped sleeping with others, felt comfortable and at home with Dain. And he never had any visitors, either, I would have noticed that with the thin walls between our apartments. We’d spend most nights together, most of our free time, too. We even went on vacations together, and…” Her voice falters for the first time since she started her story, and she has to swallow before she can go on. “And it was clear that there was only him and me. Or that’s what I thought…”

Violet takes a sip from her water, probably to cover up how she’s blinking away the moisture in her eyes, but I see it anyway. And I feel the urge to go out there and punch Dain in the face. I don’t know yet what exactly happened, but can make a guess.

“At that point,” Violet continues after a short pause. “We never talked about being engaged anymore. It was childish on the one hand and unnecessary on the other. Because it was clear, wasn’t it? Even the friends we made during that time clearly saw what was between us. Cianna, Nyra, Amber. They would always tease us about how we already acted like a married couple, ordering food for the other or completing each other’s sentences. We just knew each other in and out. Which is why I also knew why he never actually said that he loved me or why I never said those words to him, either. His father had taught him that talking is worthless, only actions count. And we showed that we were special to each other every day, so that was enough.” Violet sniffles, and when I reach for her hand, she takes it, squeezing me tightly. “Gods, in hindsight, I was such an idiot.”

I grunt, anger simmering beneath the surface. “He let you go. So, evidently, he’s the idiot.”

Violet lets out a weak chuckle, shaking her head, then continues. “It was after we both graduated. I… expected that we would get married soon then and start our shared life for real. But I also got this offer to work abroad, a fantastic chance to gather experience and build connections. I talked about it with Dain, that I wanted to do it but was worried, too. It would be the first time we’d be separated for more than a couple of days. And he was so sweet. He encouraged me to not waste this chance. That it would be fine. That he would always be there for me, that we could continue like before once I came back. Besides, we could make phone calls, every day if that was what I wanted. So that’s what we did. We talked every day, at least in the beginning. We tried phone sex but dropped that after only one try. It didn’t feel right for him.”

I grit my teeth. From what I already learned about Dain and his… preferences, this doesn’t even surprise me. But still, fuck him.

“After the first month, or so, the phone calls grew gradually less frequent until we only talked once a week by the end. It wasn’t like much happened, anyway, it was always just the same. Just me talking about my work while he listened, too tired from his day to say much. I was more looking forward to finally seeing him again, to start our shared life. Especially since he’d teased that there was something important he had to tell me once I was back. Something important to ask me.”

“Let me guess,” I say through gritted teeth. “It wasn’t the official proposal you expected?”

Violet laughs, short and humourlessly. “No, it wasn’t. He told me that he’d proposed to Amber. Apparently, they’ve been more or less together for two years already. She’d told him that they didn’t need to be entirely exclusive, that she didn’t mind him still fucking me on the side when she was too busy for him to come around. Better for him to take the edge off with me than someone else, right? And that as my ‘closest female friend’, she would tell me about their relationship, no need for him to get involved in that girl-talk. Too bad she apparently forgot to do that.”

I should punch them both. Would I get into trouble if I did it now? Probably. But it wouldn’t be uncalled for, would it? No, surely not.

“So I came home after half a year, full of excitement for our bright future—only for him to ask me to be his Best Woman instead.” She snorts, shaking her head. But the bitterness and pain I’d expected isn’t in her voice, not anymore. Instead there’s… some dark amusement? That’s something to work with, I guess.

“I can’t believe you agreed after they did that to you. After he did that to you.” I try to make the words light, or at least lighter as the seething fury I feel. But this is not about me, it never was, and making her now deal with my reaction to what happened to her wouldn’t be fair. She’s already endured enough. And if she’s taking it with a grain of salt now that she’s got it out of her system, then that’s way better than the anxiety attack earlier.

“Oh, I still wonder about that myself,” she snorts. “I guess… I was in too much of a shock to fully comprehend what happened. It felt like a bad dream, and even now it’s… difficult to remember those days.”

Then a smile tugs at her lips, small but true. “A few things, I do remember, though. After I accepted being his Best Woman, he also asked me to do him a huge favour. He wanted me to organise the wedding cake. Yeah, it was rather late for that but he knew I could do it; I’ve always been so good at organising things.” She huffs another laugh. “I was so… so angry and hurt and just… baffled, I guess. I didn’t even think about declining. That day—the very day my flight landed and before I even got the chance to unpack my bags and take a shower—I rattled off one bakery after the other. It’s all a blur, but… I remember reading about some insider tip. And the weird baker I met there, younger than all others I’ve met that day, with his arms and half of his visible skin covered in tattoos and that dry sarcastic comment that pulled me out of my stupor.”

I blink, sitting up straighter. “That was on that day? When you first came into the shop?”

She nods, one corner of her mouth pulled up in a crooked smile. “I must have been such a mess…” She heaves a sigh and shuffles into a new position, stiff from sitting still for so long. “That night, I couldn’t sleep. It slowly sank in that my entire life, all my plans for the future lay in shambles. I was shaking and felt like I couldn’t breathe and…” She takes another deep breath. “It was so much worse than just now.

“When the morning came, I tried to pretend it wasn’t real, I think. That it was just a bad dream and that… I don’t know. That I was organising the wedding for someone else entirely? Or that it was my wedding, after all? Just… anything to not completely lose it. Which worked out perfectly.” She rolls her eyes.

“That’s why you ran away that day,” I remember, dimly. “So, you were crying.”

Grimacing, Violet nods. “I realised that I couldn’t ignore it until it went away. And it wasn’t just that day, either,” she admits. “I went straight to Rhiannon. I told you we met in college, but she was only in a few of my courses back then and had nothing to do with Dain or the others. We stayed in contact when I worked abroad, and… I crashed at her place. For a whole week, I stayed with her, unable to return to my apartment, still the one right next to Dain’s. I slept there, cried all day and night, watched stupid rom-coms that made me cry even more, and lived on a diet of ice cream straight from the tub and entirely too much alcohol.”

And I wondered whether she’d even been real during that time, I remember. Guess I hadn’t been too far off; during that week, she’d been barely more than a ghost.

“Eventually, I felt ready to move on, at least a little. I was still hurting but I got the worst of it out of my system during that week. And Dain… I would stick to my word, would be his Best Woman if only for the sake of our long friendship, and even organise that damned cake. But he wasn’t worth any more of my tears, not after all that.”

Finally something I can agree with.

“But even though that was what I told myself… I didn’t truly accept it. Not until…” She trails off, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Not until…?” I probe.

Her blush deepens as she looks at me. ”Not until the night the rain caught me off guard. Until you looked at me that night. Like… like I meant something to you. Something more.”

I suck in a breath. That first slip-up. “You did mean something to me,” I admit. “It made no sense, I’d only met you three times, but it was still true.”

Smiling, she nods. “I know. But it wasn’t just how you looked at me, how my heart skipped a beat and all the splinters of my life suddenly seemed to rearrange themselves into a new picture. It was also that… Dain had never looked at me like that. Not once. That’s when it truly clicked. That he never… never truly wanted me for more than just convenience.”

I snort. “So… what? I was your getaway car then? A distraction?” I try not to let that thought sting, that I was little more than a means to an end. Even if it started that way, it became so much more by now.

But Violet shakes her head, smirking. “No, not really. My getaway cars were the three guys Rhi and Tara tried to set me up with during three consecutive nights at the club. It was fun, but didn’t truly work, never went further than some making out in a shadowy corner. Because… well, there was this other guy I couldn’t get out of my head.” She leans forward, practically climbing onto my lap, and pecks my cheek.

On reflex, my arms close around her, pulling her tighter against me. “I couldn’t get you out of my head, either,” I murmur. “Even though I knew I shouldn’t. Or thought I shouldn’t.” I shake my head. It’s still surreal to think about how much I tormented myself for nothing.

“Yeah,” Violet snorts. “Meanwhile, I was flirting my little heart out for weeks and couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t react when you were obviously interested. Me being your customer was the only reason that made sense to me, and holding back until all business relations were dealt with was so hard.”

I chuckle and skim along her cheek and jaw with my nose, my lips. “I wouldn’t have cared about that. It wouldn’t have looked good, but I wouldn’t have cared, especially not with how it wasn’t you who paid me, anyway. You were just the middleman. But even if you hadn’t been, I was too crazy for you. I was even contemplating crashing your wedding, for Amari’s sake.”

Violet giggles as I reach a ticklish spot on her neck. “I know. I know you’d fight for me, and that I can always count on you. You would never go behind my back like that. Which is why I—” She breaks off, blushing. She shuffles to kneel across my lap again, her hands cupping my face, her eyes wide and clear. “Which is why I love you, Xaden. I do. I’m even glad by now how it all went down, including their betrayal, the headache, and all the tears. Because all that led me to you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with you, looking out to a life with you.”

My eyes grow wide. During the six months we’ve been together now, she’d never said those words, and after she told me her story just now, I understand why. To her, these three little words must hold so much more meaning. Which makes her saying them now even more precious.

I lean forward with her hands still cupping my jaw and kiss her. As always, the moment our lips meet feels like a rush, getting me high on everything that is her. Her taste, her scent, the little noises she makes in the back of her throat, and the way our lips move together so perfectly. It’s not too gentle but not too harsh, either. It’s raw, filled with emotions, tender and passionate alike.

My arms wrap around her, one around her waist holding her close as the other hand glides up her back, savouring every bit of skin I can touch before cupping the back of her head. Holding her, cradling her.

Violet sighs and parts her lips, her tongue brushing against me, begging for entrance. As if I could ever deny her anything. A low groan rumbles in my chest as I let her in and her tongue glides along mine, like a promise.

With her hands still on my jaw, she angles us to deepen the kiss, and I’m all too happy to oblige, sucking on her tongue until a moan makes her tremble. Gods, I want her, need her, everything. I’ll never get enough of her, of this, of us.

Soon, our bodies follow, moving together the same way our lips do, sliding and grinding, giving and taking. I love her so fucking much.

Her mouth moves across my cheek, nibbling at my earlobe for a moment before wandering further down my neck, laving at that spot on my throat that always makes me lose control. I jerk beneath her, gasping, my hands on her hips now tightening.

“Violet!” It’s a warning, a plea, a promise, I don’t know. All I know is that this isn’t the right place to continue this—but also that I won’t care if she keeps this up for only a few seconds more. And I honestly don’t know whether to feel relief or regret when she pulls away, breathing heavily and with her forehead resting against my own.

“We should get out of here.” The happy smile and contentment in her voice couldn’t be more different from the near panic that had been there earlier.

Swallowing, I nod. “And then? Do you want to leave? To go home?”

“No, not yet,” she chuckles, breathily. “I… I want to go back out there. If that’s okay with you. I’d… like to dance with you, for us to enjoy this party, and…” She bites her lip, a blush on her cheeks, and I understand.

“You want something similar to the last time we were here? What were your words? That you wanted me to get you drunk and then fuck you until you forget your own name?”

Her blush deepens. “I… don’t think those were my words.”

“Same meaning, though.” I shrug, grinning.

She flashes me a look, full of wicked promises. “But yeah, something like that. With… maybe only one alteration.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow at her. “And what would that be?”

Violet leans in to breathe into my ear, still a little shy about keeping eye contact in certain moments. “I want us to go to my apartment this time.” Her hot breath tickling down my neck makes me shiver. “One last time before I move out, tonight, when they are back next door. And… I want you to make me scream.”

A shudder runs through my entire body, the stupidly tight dinner jacket trousers getting even tighter. Chuckling to have an outlet for the tension building inside me, I turn my head and bring my lips to her cheek. “I fucking love you, Violet.”

Next Chapter

[plutoscosmoss]

Fire Inside   ➸ c.18

Warnings: This series includes themes of violence, death, smut, childbirth and childbirth complications (if I forgot to mention any please let me know)

Pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x OC

{Series Masterlist}

Previous Chapter

Chapter 18: Nighttime Activities

The party lasted well into the night, until it was time for the newlyweds to retire to their chamber. They walked hand in hand down the corridors giggling from the wine they had consumed at the party. 

“Have my things been moved already?” Renva asked Jacaerys, not knowing if even he knew the answer. 

“They have. Many of the handmaidens move your belongings into my chamber during the party.” Jace said, starting to grow nervous. “Listen Jace, don’t be nervous. We will grow to understand how one another lives and we will form a new rhythm together. As for tonight,” Renva took a deep breath before continuing, “we just have to perform our duties and then we can forget about it for a while if you’d like.” Renva was just as nervous, even more so than Jacaerys due to having just recently been informed of what her duties entail. 

It was during their voyage to Dragonstone, that Cregan asked Rhaenyra if she could explain what happens from a woman's perspective on the wedding night. Rhaenyra had no issues informing the young girl, who stared at her hands the whole time with wide eyes until Rhaenyra was done speaking. Renva just hoped that it would be as painless as possible, and be done with. 

The two entered their chambers and got ready for the night. Jace helped Renva take the braids out of her hair, being gentle with the ones close to her scalp. Once her braids were all out, Jace took a moment to massage her head. It was something he saw his mother do to her own after a long day with tight braids in her hair. Renva melted into Jace’s hand when he did that, she hadn’t realized just how much her head hurt. Renva turned towards Jace and noticed that they both still had residual blood on their faces from the ceremony. She called out to Ceria to bring a bucket of water and some rags. Renva then helped Jacaerys out of his ceremony robes, placing it on the chair next to them. She found that he too wore a similar colored suit to her dress. It was after Renva’s initiation that they both slowly helped each other declothe until Renva was in her chemise and Jace was in his tunic and trousers. 

It was at this time that Ceria had brought in a bucket of warm water and some rags. She placed it next to the fire to try and keep the warmth, and slid out of the room. Renva walked towards the bucket and dipped one of the rags in before walking back over towards Jace. Jace watched Renva with careful eyes, it was like if he blinked she would be gone and he would wake up from the best dream of his life. Renva carefully wiped his face free from the blood, the cut on his lip already having been scabbed over. Jace then himself repeated the same motions to her, stilling while wiping a dried trail of blood that dripped from her lip to her chin. 

Grabbing the rag from Jace, Renva tossed it to where the other dirty ones laid. She noticed how Jace never took his eyes off her since they got to the chamber. Walking back up to Jace she slowly grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bed. It was in that moment that Jace finally snapped out of whatever daze he seemed to be in, he switched the positions so he was leading her towards the bed. Renva noticed her heart started racing as Jacce gestured for her to lay on the bed. To say that she felt awkwards in the moment of her crawling towards the headboard, would be an understatement. 

Looking down the bed at Jace she couldn’t help but release a small giggle. 

“What do I look funny?” Jace said as he looked down upon himself. 

“Of course not, I just feel silly.” Renva said, trying to calm the air. “If it helps, you look beautiful from where I am.” Jace said before he too, joined Renva on the bed. Renva slowly pulled her undergarments out from under her chemise, tossing them to the floor next to the bed, doing so she heard Jace suck in a breath at her action. She had a small smile etched onto her face knowing her action will set in motion the rest of the night. 

Jace sat on his thighs and removed his tunic, Renva followed his sitting motion, so they were face to face. While Jace might still be young, Renva noticed he was well defined for his age. Renva slowly lifted her chemise off herself, fully revealing her bare body to Jacaerys. “You are beautiful Renva.” Jace said, taking her all in with his eyes. He hesitantly reached out to touch her, “You won't hurt me. It's okay.” Renva led his hand to her hip. The self control Jace had slowly slipped as he pulled Renva in towards him and crashed his lips into hers. 

The two heatedly kissed, as their hands explored one another. They were growing desperate, Renva tugging at Jaces trousers, Jace running one of his thumbs just under the swell of her breast, the other exploring her body. 

Jacaerys stripped off his last piece of clothing. Jace then laid Renva down, positioning himself above her. Jacaerys planted a chaste kiss on her lips, before trailing his mouth down to her neck, then to one of her breasts. He made sure to pay attention to both of them, his hand fondled the breast his mouth wasn’t on. Renva bucked her hips at the sensation that she never felt before. Jace removed his hand from her breast and trailed it between her legs, tapping her thigh when she squeezed her legs shut. Renva allowed for Jace to part her legs, his mouth popping off her breast to look at her. Jace made eye contact with Renva as he slid one of his fingers over her folds, before it settled on her bud. 

As Jace rubbed small circles on her clit, he watched as her eyes closed she let out a breathy moan. Jace felt himself leaking precum at the sight. Jace moved down so he was face to face with her cunt. Renva felt his hot breath on her and before she could say anything, she felt him start to lick at her folds. Jace lifted one of her legs over his shoulder to give him more access to her. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it correctly but when Renva gripped his hair he assumed she was happy with his work. Renva let out a loud moan as Jace felt her release. He lapped up her juices, making sure to leave some to help guide himself into her. 

Jace removed her leg from his shoulder, sitting on his knees making eye contact with Renva who looked ethereal to him laid out on their bed. “Are you ready?” Jace asked as he stroked himself a few times, Renva nodded as she caught her breath. Jace took his cock and slowly rubbed his tip along her folds collecting some of her cum to help guide him. “If it hurts, let me know and we shall stop.” Jace spoke out of breath himself. “It’s okay Jace. I’m ready.” Renva said giving Jace the okay. Jace slowly pushed him self into her, bracing himself above her with his arm. Renva dug her nails into Jace's shoulder blades, “Keep going Jace.” Renva spoke as she kissed his neck, the little pain she felt overcome by pleasure. 

Jace bottomed out, as Renva arched her back making them both moan into each other's necks. Jace planted light kisses as he slowly pulled out halfway and pushed back into her. “Jace” Renva moaned, “Yes my love?” Jace spoke, himself finding it hard to form proper words. “Please, go faster.” Renva whimpered into his ear, Jace shuddered as a feeling he’s never had before came over him. Jace picked up his pace, Renva wrapped her legs around his waist, as he continued to slam into her. Renva felt something snap in her, as she felt release. Jace felt her squeeze him and it made him only last a few more strokes before he coated her walls. Renva knew their marital duties were complete as she felt him coat her insides with his seed. 

“We have done well, my prince.” Renva spoke as Jace pulled out and she laid her head on his chest. “I am utterly in love with you Renva.” he spoke into her hair giving it a kiss before pulling the covers over them. The two drift off to sleep in each other's arms, both unaware of what is to come. 

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

next chapter

[sequinsmile-x]

can you write a thing about Emily suddenly realizing that her relationship with her mom is so fraught because she was always trying to find the sense of comfort and safety you’d expect to find in a mother, but her mom just doesn’t have it? she’s spent decades, since her earliest memories, trying to get that from her mom and only now understands that her mom isn’t that person. and maybe following it up with a moment of peace because she gets it all from Aaron

of course bestie <3

You know I love to write complicated family dynamics. At this point it's my brand!!

-x-

My Best Colours

She knew her relationship with her mother wasn’t a typical one, that she wasn’t the sort to sit with her daughter and discuss dresses and entrees before sitting back with tears in her eyes as she watched her little girl dance with her husband. But she’d always expected something.

Words: 4.2k

Warnings: Big big mommy issues.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She had seen it coming. 

They’d talked about marriage more than once. Both of them shyly admitting it was something they wanted one night early into their relationship. The fact that they were never going to be anything other than forever, not lost on either of them. 

For a man who did what he did for a living, he wasn’t subtle. She noticed a ring of hers missing from her jewellery box one morning, and when she mentioned it to him his eyes had gone wide as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. He and Dave disappeared at lunchtime, both returning looking impressed with themselves. 

The ring was back that evening, in the slot it had always been in. It was only after he proposed, something that has still taken her by surprise despite knowing it was an inevitability, that she realised he’d taken it to measure her ring size. Her engagement ring perfect in every way as he placed it on her finger. 

“You ok, sweetheart?” 

She turns to look at him, her fiancé, and smiles as he reaches for her hand, linking their fingers on the centre console of their car as he parks it. 

“I’m ok,” she says as she looks at her mother’s house, blowing out a steady breath. 

“That bad, huh?” He asks, lifting their joint hands to his lips to press a kiss to her knuckles. She sighs and looks back at him, leaning back against the headrest. 

“I hate that she can make me feel like this,” she says, “I’m a grown woman for fuck sake. And I’m telling her I’m getting married. That’s supposed to be a good thing.” 

“A great thing,” he replies, kissing her knuckles again before releasing her hand, “It’s one dinner, and then we can tell the team at pasta night at Dave’s on Friday.” 

She nods, smiling at the thought of their friend's reactions, “I think Pen might need medical attention after we tell them.” 

Aaron chuckles, “I’ll make sure we have EMTs on standby,” he says as he gets out of the car, walking over to her side and opening her door for her before she can even undo her seatbelt.

She smiles and looks down at her hands, her fingers gripping at her engagement ring as she pulls it off, placing it into the cupholder next to her before she looks up at Aaron, “So she doesn’t clock it right away, she’s always been like a crow when it comes to diamonds.” 

Aaron offers her a hand to help her out of the car. A completely unnecessary thing she allows him to do. 

“Just when it comes to diamonds?” He asks, a spark of mischief in his eyes that he only ever let her see. A well-timed attempt to calm her down as she was getting stressed, an evening with her mother one of the few things that could make her lose her cool. His joke makes a laugh catch in her chest and she squeezes his hand, leaning in to kiss his cheek. 

“I love you so fucking much,” she says, kissing his cheek again before she pulls away. 

“I love you too,” he replies before he looks at the house and sees his future mother-in-law in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, “Let’s go, sweetheart,” he says to Em, his hand still wrapped around hers as they walk towards the door. 

She blows out a breath and murmurs under her breath, “Into the crow's nest we go.” 

___

They make it past dinner before she brings it up, her stomach unsettled with nerves as she forces herself to eat. It’s Aaron who encourages her, his hand reaching for hers on the table as he links their fingers together.

They’d always been able to say so much without any words.

She clears her throat and decides there is no time like the present, “Mother, we have something to tell you,” she says, waiting for a response, but all she gets is a subtle nod of Elizabeth’s head, “Aaron proposed,” she continues, joy warming her chest from the inside out at the memory of it all, at the image of him on one knee in front of her, “We’re getting married.” 

Elizabeth stares at them, her eyes lingering on their linked hands on the table, Emily’s bare ring finger, “I see.” 

Emily falters, her smile flickering for a moment before Aaron squeezes her hand, a silent reminder he was there. 

“I left the ring in the car so you wouldn’t spot it right away.” She says, hating how small her voice sounds, how she feels like she’s a teenager who has been caught with a boy in her room, “It’s beautiful, Aaron did a good job.” She turns to look at him and he smiles encouragingly at her, his hand still around hers. 

“When are you thinking of getting married?” Elizabeth asks, taking a sip of her wine, her expression almost indifferent. 

“We’ve discussed it,” Aaron says, taking over for Emily as she takes a large gulp of her drink, her grip on the glass tight, “We don’t want a long drawn out engagement, so probably this summer.” 

Elizabeth looks at Emily, her eyebrow raised, “You do remember I’m going to be in Germany for several months after I leave in a few weeks right? Chances are I won’t be back in the US until close to Christmas.”

Emily grits her teeth, a familiar churning in her stomach as she gives herself a moment to calm herself. A mix of irritation and dejection making her feel nauseous, something she remembered feeling ever since she was small and desperate for her mother’s attention. 

“I know,” she replies, forcing a smile on her face, “But we don’t want to wait-”

“Are you pregnant?” 

Her mouth falls open at her mother’s question, taken aback by how much it hurts, the slight edge of distaste in her voice that she files away for another day. 

“No,” she says firmly, “I’m not,” she doesn’t mention the birth control pills that are now at the bottom of the trash can in their ensuite, or how another child is something that she and Aaron both want. It’s something she thinks she’d share with her mother if their relationship was different, seeking advice as hope that felt a little dangerous swelled in her stomach, “That’s not…” 

“We don’t want anything big,” Aaron cuts in, his expression stern as he looks at Elizabeth, “Our friend already told me we can use his backyard when he helped me choose the ring.” 

Elizabeth smiles politely, “Someone's backyard?” 

“Surely you could come home for one weekend, Mother?” Emily asks, her annoyance getting the better of her. Her mother, and her endless judgement, the very thing that could always break the resolve Elizabeth herself had built the foundations of with her bare hands, “Your kid is getting married.”

“You aren’t a child, Emily,” Elizabeth replies, raising an eyebrow at her, “And you know how important my work is.” 

Emily scoffs, laughing bitterly as she shakes her head, “More important than me, I guess.” 

“Emily-”

“We’ll make sure you send you pictures,” Emily says, standing up as she throws the napkin she’d had on her lap onto the table, she looks at Aaron, “Can we go, please?” 

He stands without further prompting, the stern look he throws Elizabeth’s way the most he will add to this conversation. The promise he’d made long ago to Emily to not get involved firmly in the back of his mind. 

“Of course,” he says, his hand on her lower back, both of them highly aware of Elizabeth staring at them. 

She smiles tightly at him before turning back to her mother, “Let me know when you get to Germany,” she turns to leave but stops herself, looking at the other woman once more, “Just so you know, most people say congratulations when someone tells them they are getting married.” 

She walks away without looking back, her body tense in a way that it always was in this house. Her back as rigid as the walls that surrounded them, held up by secrets and the things she and her mother never spoke about. 

As soon as she’s in the car she reaches for her engagement ring, placing it back on her ring finger, some of the tension in her chest easing at the coolness of the metal against her skin. She purposely looks out of the window as Aaron joins her in the car, his gaze burning into her neck. 

“Sweetheart-”

“Can we just go home, please?” She asks, not looking at him as she wipes a stray tear from her cheek.

His response is his palm briefly on her thigh, squeezing it gently before he starts the engine. 

She should have seen this coming. 

___

She goes through the motions of saying goodbye to Jessica when they get home, smiling politely at the comments she makes about the wedding, excitement dripping from every word. It makes her mother’s lack of interest hurt even more. Her own mother unable to be as excited for her as Aaron’s ex-sister-in-law - a pillar of support their family would collapse without. 

Emily goes to the living room and sits on the couch, sighing as she looks at her hands, her eyes fixed on her engagement ring, the diamond shining in the low light of the room. 

She knew her relationship with her mother wasn’t a typical one, that she wasn’t the sort to sit with her daughter and discuss dresses and entrees before sitting back with tears in her eyes as she watched her little girl dance with her husband. But she’d always expected something. Arguments ranging from everything about the cake, to the venue, to the groom as the days toward her wedding counted down, her mother’s interference her own way of showing she cared.

She had never anticipated that there would be nothing. That her announcement that she was getting married would be treated as nothing more than a typical dinner conversation before being told how her plans were an inconvenience.

It hurt. And she feels anger at herself for once again letting her mother upset her creeping up her throat, a familiar bitter taste of disappointment settling on her tongue. Something she would recognise anywhere, an old friend that had visited her for as long as she could remember.

“Em?”

She turns to look at him, pulled out of her thoughts as he stands in front of her, a large glass of wine in his hand that she takes with a tight smile as he sits next to her on the couch, “Thanks, honey.” 

It was a twisted tradition of sorts. He’d bring her a drink and they’d sit in silence as she contemplated what her mother had said during dinner or whatever event they had gone to at her behest. It was something Emily appreciated. One of the many small ways Aaron loved her. Quiet and unassuming. 

A type of love she never thought she’d get to experience. 

“I don’t know what I expected,” she says, her eyes fixed ahead of her, staring past photos of her, Aaron and Jack. The family she had found and built around herself, steady and firm foundations after a lifetime of being on unsteady ground, “She’s never been the type to be happy for me,” she shakes her head at herself and laughs bitterly as she sips her wine, “It was stupid of me to think otherwise.” 

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t tell me it’s not stupid,” she says sharply, turning to look at him. Her eyes are shining with tears he knows she won’t let fall until later when they are curled up in bed. Their room a sanctuary for the both of them, “She’s not…she’s always been like this. For as long as I can remember and yet I still let her get to me,” she clears her throat, “I’m 41 for fuck sake. At what point does it become my fault for expecting her to suddenly be the mom I always wanted her to be?” She closes her eyes and blows out a breath before she reaches out and puts her hand on his thigh, squeezing it lightly, “I’m not expecting you to answer that by the way it’s just…”

“Complicated.” 

She laughs humourlessly, nodding before she replies, “Yeah. It’s complicated.” She places her wine glass down and shifts to face him, one of her legs curled under herself as she rests her elbow on the back of the couch, her temple resting on her hand, “Want to know the worst part?” 

Aaron nods, placing his drink down next to hers before he places his hand on her knee, “You can tell me anything, you know that.” 

“When I was in Paris, I didn’t know if she knew that I was actually alive. It was one of the things I kept thinking about. If she thought I was dead,” she admits, her eyes focused on a loose thread on the couch that she starts to idly pick at, aware that if she didn’t keep her hands busy she’d rip her cuticles to shreds, “Then when I came back and found out she didn’t know I was alive, a part of me hoped that it was the second chance we both needed to get it right,” she looks up at him, and her chin trembles with the force of the emotions she can’t quite keep at bay, “But then Pen told me that she didn’t come to the funeral. Mother has told me since that she was in Spain but…I’m her only child. Are you really telling me whoever she was on assignment for wouldn’t have understood?”

He remembered talking to Elizabeth at the time, tasked with being the one to tell her as Emily’s superior. He’d called her, feeling guilty for what he was doing yet sure it was the right thing at the same time, hoping that eventually Elizabeth and Emily would forgive him for what he was doing. The call had been quick. Over in a matter of minutes. But he’d heard the tightness in her voice, the crack in it when she asked him to repeat himself. Ever since he and Emily had got together Elizabeth had always been a little short with him, more so now he and Emily were personally and romantically linked than when it was just professional. On some level, he wondered if his role in Emily’s faked death was part of it. If Elizabeth resented him for forcing her to face her own failings, something she had never been good at accepting. 

“She does love you, Em,” he says eventually, wiping away a tear from her cheek that neither of them will acknowledge. “Even if she isn’t capable of showing it in the way you deserve.” 

“I know,” she replies, shaking her head, “And that makes it worse. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she didn’t love me at all.” 

His heart aches for her, for every version of her there had ever been. The little girl who was desperate for her mother’s attention, too young to understand why all her time was spent with hired help. The teenager who understood too much, something that led to her making decisions she would always live with. The young woman who had taken a dangerous job to get away from it all, the very thing that had ultimately led to the world thinking she was dead. 

His heart aches for the woman in front of him. The love of his life. The person he’d spend the rest of his life ensuring had the love and support she’d always deserved. 

“Oh sweetheart,” he says, opening his arms to encourage her towards him. She doesn’t need asking twice, closing the gap between them and seeking out solace in his embrace. She ends up in his lap, her side against his chest as he holds her close, his lips against her forehead as she allows him to surround her, “I’m sorry.” 

She nods against him, wrapping her arms around him and grasping at his shirt, “Me too. I wish it could be different,” she chokes on a suppressed sob, the sound cracking her ribs from the inside out, “But I think it’s time I accept it never will be.” 

In a painful twist of irony, Emily thinks it will ultimately make her relationship with her mother better. The lack of expectations that she would never be able to meet would mean she wouldn’t react when she felt let down, and then Elizabeth wouldn’t react in turn. She knew that she’d never quite been what her mother had wanted. Expectations held on both sides that neither one of them had ever been able to live up to, leaving them where they were now. Emily once again crushed by her mother’s indifference, leaving a small mark on the excitement she felt about her engagement, about the happiness she had finally found. Elizabeth likely sat in her office wondering why Emily had overreacted, unable to see her own role in any of it. 

“I know it was the done thing,” Emily says after a few moments of silence, “And it helped her career to have a family, but I’ll just never understand why she had me if she didn’t want to be a mother,” she says, resting her head against his shoulder. 

Aaron sighs and kisses the top of her head, wishing that there was something he could do to make Elizabeth see sense. 

“For purely selfish reasons, I’m glad that she did have you,” he says before pulling back to look at her, a half smile on his face as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” 

She smiles sadly at him, reaching up to cup his cheek, “I can’t imagine my life without you either.” 

Aaron turns his head to kiss her palm, and then the band of her engagement ring. He’s about to say something else, his mouth open to reply to her, when they hear a door open upstairs, followed by the familiar sound of Jack’s feet in the hallway and then on the stairs. Emily just sits up enough in time, removing herself from Aaron’s lap, before he’s on them, the little boy scrambling into the tiny gap between them on the couch.

“Daddy! Em’ly,” the 6-year-old says, his smile sleepy as he settles down, “Missed you.” 

Emily smiles at Aaron over Jack’s head, “We missed you too, sweetie, but you should be in bed.” 

Jack turns to look at her, whatever excuse he had tonight for being out of bed on the tip of his tongue, but he frowns instead. His eyebrows furrowing together in a way that made him look so much like Aaron it made her ache.

“Are you sad, Emily?” He asks, reaching up to touch her face, his small fingers catching on the sticky tear tracks on her face. “Was your mommy mean again?” 

Her breath catches in her chest at the question and it hurts. This little boy that she loved as her own had picked up on something she’d tried to hide from him.

“Jack-”

“I’ll be ok, sweet boy,” she says, cutting over Aaron’s admonishment of his son as Jack climbs into her lap, “I have you and Daddy.”

Jack nods, a serious expression on his face as he leans in to kiss her forehead before he pulls back to look at her, “Do you feel better now?” 

It takes everything in her not to start crying again. His tender affection, something she did for him when he was sad or sick, enough to tip her over the edge. 

“Much better, thank you,” she says, pulling him into a hug and kissing the side of his head.

Aaron wraps his arms around both of them and holds them close, pressing a kiss to his fiancée’s head, “We should go to bed,” he says quietly, his lips against her skin. 

“In a minute,” she replies, turning her face to bury it in his neck, seeking out the comfort that the scent of his cologne, of him, always brought her. 

“Ok, sweetheart,” he says, pulling her and Jack impossibly closer, “In a minute.” 

___

She grimaces at the sound of the scream of delight that comes out of Penelope, the sound hurting her ears as she’s pulled into a hug so fierce she thinks it could crack her ribs.

“Jesus, baby girl,” Derek exclaims, his fingers in his ears, “We’re all excited for them but we’d also like to hear whatever vows Princess pulls out of her ass for the wedding.” 

“Actually, Garcia would have to scream at 120 decibels, which is the sound of an average rock concert, for an extended period of time for it to damage our hearing,” Spencer says, his smile turning into confusion as Derek shakes his head at him. 

Emily narrows her eyes lovingly at Derek for his comment about the vows. Penelope releases her and Derek pulls her into a hug himself, her fiance pulled in a different direction to her, forced into a hug by Penelope. 

“I’m happy for you, Em,” Derek says, kissing her cheek before he pulls away with a wide smile on his face, “You both deserve it.” 

“Thanks, Derek,” she replies, smiling widely at him. Dave is next, his arm around her as he hugs her. 

“I’m so pleased I don’t have to keep it to myself anymore,” he exclaims as if having a secret that none of them knew about had been a hardship. 

“Yeah right, Zia Rossi,” she says, smirking when he rolls her eyes at her, “We all know you love being part of something.” 

“Wait, Rossi knew,” JJ asks, grabbing Emily’s hand to look at the ring, “That’s not fair.” 

“He helped with the ring,” Aaron says, rejoining Emily’s side and putting his arm around her waist. 

“Which is gorgeous by the way,” Penelope says, looking back and forth between Dave and Aaron, “I didn’t know either of you had it in you.” 

“I’ll have you know that every Mrs Rossi had the finest ring available,” Dave replies, he points at Emily, cutting off any sarcastic comment she had ready, “Don’t say a word.” 

She laughs and leans into Aaron’s side, “I love it,” she says looking down at her hand, the ring still taking her aback every time she looked at it, before she glances up at Aaron, “You did a good job.” 

She kisses him, ignoring the mixture of jeers and encouragement from their friends, making a point of keeping it going for longer than she usually would in front of him. Laughing as she pulls away and sees the tinge of pink on his cheeks. 

“Save it for the wedding,” JJ jokes, her smile wide “Speaking of the wedding, when will it be?”

“Summer,” Emily replies, “Dave has already said we can have it here at Hotel Rossi.” 

“What will the ambassador make of that?” Derek asks, sipping his beer.

Emily is grateful that she doesn’t react physically, the two days since the dinner at her mother’s enough to help her pull herself back together. Stitching together old wounds with time spent with Aaron and Jack. Wounds she was determined to never let her mother open up again. It may be fantasy, something that was impossible in practical terms, but she was going to try. She didn’t need to seek out what she’d always wanted from her anymore, she’d found it, and more, in abundance elsewhere. Everything she’d ever wanted in the most likely of places - a job that she took as she was desperate to find herself again. 

“She’ll be abroad but she’s happy for us,” Aaron says, running his hand up and down her side. She kisses his shoulder, a silent thank you for answering that question for her, “Dave, you said something about champagne earlier?” 

If any of them pick up on the redirect, they don’t say anything, and Dave springs to life, his hands clapping together as he walks towards his kitchen.

“I put it on ice before you all arrived.” 

He disappears into the kitchen, and the rest of the team talk amongst themselves, giving Emily and Aaron a brief moment alone. He kisses her temple and turns her in his embrace to face him.

“You ok?” He asks, concern lingering in his eyes like it had ever since they left her mother’s house. She smiles, because she knows if she says no, if she asks to go home, he’d take her no questions asked even though this had turned into a defacto engagement party. 

“I’m ok,” she replies, stamping a quick kiss against his lips, “Or at least, I will be,” she rests her head against his chest, smiling as they both hear Penelope excitedly chatter about a bachelorette party to JJ, Dave joining in with his own comments about the bachelor party when he returns with a tray of champagne flutes. She tilts her head to look up at him, a soft smile on her face, “How could I not be when this many people love us?” 

-x-

Tag list:

@ssa-sparks, @lukeclvez, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

Join my tag list here!