#can we just let things be more complicated than dress=woman?

[mootmuse]

time to vent: can we enjoy male characters who canonically explore dressing fem without deciding as a fandom that they're not men anymore, please? can we enjoy that kind of exploration happening without immediately deciding pretty clothes decide who a character is? or at least, please tag your posts calling them women with something. as a trans guy who even in an ideal world probably wouldn't ever pass, who'd love to be able to wear skirts without being called a woman for it, that shit hurts.

[bwat5-blog]

"Clearly, Caitlyn Kiramman Should’ve Known Better at 23: A Masterclass in Ignoring Trauma and Believing War Criminals"

**Spoilers for all of Arcane**

Recently I made the mistake of delving into the comments of an otherwise excellent post regarding Caitlyn Kiramman and the aftermath of her time as "dictator", specifically in terms of were there enough consequences? did she do enough to make it right? should more have been done to her? that sort of thing. In the festering cesspool of those comments, I saw a variation of the following statement:

"if we were doing things based on what was fair and just, Caitlyn should have been executed on behalf of the two cities for peace"

It was more crude but you get the point. This person alleged that Caitlyn deserved death for what happened during those few months. Before we move forward lets review what we know about all of this. I have quite recently covered a lot of Caitlyn's arc so I'm not doing a deep dive here. Just enough to address this particular bit of idiocy.

How It Starts:

Like I said we aren't doing a deep dive here, so just for a quick reminder as to where twenty-three year old Caitlyn is mentally at this point(regardless of fault or nuance, just the facts):

Has been almost killed by Jinx three times

Almost killed by Sheriff of Piltover

Abducted naked from her childhood home, forced to dress in Enforcer uniform, bound, gagged, and forced to attend Jinx's tea party where Jinx tries to get Vi to murder Caitlyn

Violently knocked out

Shows Jinx mercy at Vi's request

Jinx kills her mother

Trying to become head of house Kiramman

Undercity attacks the memorial

Survives strike team operations

Brutal fight with Sevika

Vi stops her from shooting again

Very emotional split from Vi after hitting her and leaving her alone

So, with all of that under consideration, a Noxian warlord in her fifties who has commanded troops on various continents across Runeterra, calls her up and says trust me, i have your back, we will get justice for your mother. And Caitlyn folds... Le Gasp?!

Guys I know this is a little more snarky than my usual approach, but this really is just not that complicated. This is not even subtle. We literally see the flash back of Ambessa orchestrating the memorial attack to get us to this point. Caitlyn is an open wound mentally and emotionally, she never stood a chance. Lets take a moment to review some important points here by the way:

Ambessa came to Piltover for Hex-Tech. She doesn't hide this from Mel and is quite clear in her goals.

"If there is a chance hextech can be weaponized, we must have it". Mel responds "Piltover isn't your testing ground... I can't believe you'd start a war just to cover your ass" And Ambessa responds "i would set the world ablaze to protect our family". And the conversation ends with Ambessa ordering her daughter to "let the war unfold".

2. She executes her plan to make Caitlyn her scape-goat in front of:

Councilor Salo

Councilor Shoola

Large group of enforcers

Group of twenty plus people who make up as Ambessa states "every house and family with a modicum of influence"

Not a single, solitary person says a word when Ambessa brings a twenty-three year old grieving young woman with, if we're being generous two months of combat experience though probably less, and says She is in charge now! They let Caitlyn be walked right into the jaws of the wolf herself.

The Great And Terrible Rule Of Caitlyn The Creepy! WHAHAHAHA!:

What she gives her okay on:

Occupation of Zaun

Lawful (under martial law not normal law) arrests of those who cause problems

Yep... there it is folks. There is the great list of terrible crimes against humanity committed by the she-devil of Piltover herself. Checkpoints and arrests. Which by the way I am not justifying. People being arrested subjects them to Ambessa's brutality once they are inside. And as we clearly see Rictus uses the right to arrest to brutalize a Jinxer, and to break up the rally. And Caitlyn absolutely shares some portion of the blame for that. But um.. the way people reacted I was really expecting more public hangings and and labor camps.

**Not really a good place to put this but just fyi, despotic mad-women don't usually have to get up early to please a craftsman guild over supply complaints... just saying..."

"But OP! Sexy Zangief was beating people up and breaking up peaceful rallies!"

Well fortunately we talk about that!

"Was it for my encouragement that your man Rictus was instigating violence?"

How does Ambessa respond? Not with anger, or rage. First with guilt "You don't trust me", then with approval when Caitlyn responds the blade cuts both ways "fearless child, you never shy",

Ambessa is a master manipulator. Caitlyn is and was grieving her mother, and her whirlwind extremely intense romantic relationship with Vi. She had a gargantuan hole in her heart and a woman with decades leading and commanding soldiers and learning strategy slid right in. Recall that in bed with Maddie Caitlyn almost is defending Ambessa, talking about learning so much from her and the lives Ambessa saved with her assistance getting control of Zaun, so they could hunt for Jinx. Caitlyn has legitimately come to care for Ambessa at least on some level. I even believe that on some level Ambessa has come to care for Caitlyn.

2. "Arrests require cause"

When Ambessa is suggesting someone in Zaun knows where Jinx is, this is how Caitlyn responds. Not with orders to start dragging people out into the street. Not executing children in the street or burning down buildings. And when Ambessa tries to justify it "What greater cause is there than returning peace to the city?" Caitlyn responds:

3. "Why is peace always the justification for violence".. (Note Ambessa laying comforting hand on Caitlyn's shoulder during conversation)

Ambessa gives her this speech: "we've lost so many.. the anger, the sorrow.. it's tiring. Gods, I know it's tiring.. But you will never rest knowing that she's out there. Or maybe I underestimated you. Maybe you have the strength I do not.. to forgive.. and trust in tomorrow.. the decision is yours commander.."

"I know you are so tired, I know you are exhausted. I know you want this to be over. But you can't feel safe with her out there. I know you can't. Unless of course you can do what even I can't. Forgive your mothers FUCKING MURDERER. But ya know, up to you"-

If you truly cannot see the insidiousness of how Caitlyn is being twisted and manipulated, I envy you the charmed life you have lead. But be weary my friend, "you're off the edge of the map, here there be monsters." (POC 1)

"But OP! Ambessa was experimenting with Hex-Tech and committing brutal interrogations!"

I will admit the show does not explicitly state that Caitlyn did not know about this. Explicitly. However, given our context clues I feel quite confidant suggesting she did not:

See literally everything she said above

Every time we see them doing this she is not present

It seems like they are in some deep and away part of the prison when they are doing this

In private after the failed hex-tech experiment, Ambessa laments that they didn't secure the scientists before seizing control of Piltover. She is openly discussing that they are the actual ruling power. I seriously doubt she would be doing that anywhere Caitlyn may come knocking.

She Could Have Stopped At Any Time! Maddie Even Say So:

You mean that Maddie? The Noxian spy who keeps an eye on Caitlyn from her fucking bed, taking advantage of Caitlyn's grief and guilt over how things ended with Vi? Caitlyn is reminded she has a choice twice. The first time by the spy in her bed, and the second time by Ambessa herself. Her loyalty is being tested. Not her conscious. Ambessa literally put eyes and ears in her bed, and some of yall wanna argue Caitlyn wasn't being controlled. Ambessa assumed the role of Caitlyn's mother, and had her spy take on the role of Vi. And I will say this. Sure. Caitlyn could have gone to Ambessa and called it all off. No more war, no more martial law, the council is in charge again so no more imprisonment and hex-tech experiments. And maybe.. just maybe Ambessa would have row-row-row your boated her homicidal ass home. I rather doubt it. I suspect that conversation would have ended with Caitlyn getting this treatment:

We have been over this already but for a reminder:

Ambessa came here for hex-tech to fight the blackrose. She instigated the memorial attack for her cause.

"I would set the world ablaze to protect our family"

As we will come to see later, her last living child begs her to stop the bloodshed, even offering to go back with her, and all Ambessa can see is weakness.

Other indicators of how she is doing with everything:

"I never expected this to go on so long.. I thought.. I don't know what I thought.."

"Up again?" Maddie tells us Caitlyn hasn't been sleeping

Forbids the use of the cells Vi was kept in

REWIND BACK TO HELLFIRE:

I recently just did an in-depth doc on the strike team, the use of the grey, and what all of this means in story. So I will keep this brief here. but I do want to discuss it as "SHE WAS GASSING KIDS!" is still being vomited up by every double-digit iq booger eater with a keyboard.

Ambessa orchestrated the memorial attack to force Piltover retaliation

The strike team is an alternative to a full-scale invasion by Piltover.

They are hunting dangerous drug lords, destroying shimmer, and hunting Jinx. All three seem fairly reasonable. The issue is not if they are doing something wrong, it's the reason Caitlyn has them doing it. All you have to do is refer to the handy dandy song lyrics they use as Arcane always does to understand this:

"Can I do the right thing for the wrong reason? Is it bad that I'm making friends with my demons, and Living by a couple deadly sins Just to make sure I finish what you began And I ain't afraid to lose a life or ten If it means that I get to win in the end (woo) So I'ma do this on my own, step into the danger zone Pull the pin and watch it blow" (Hellfire Fever 333)

4. Using a crowd dispersal agent that incapacitates bad guys with no documented fatal effects (see multiple characters exposed who are all alive and seemingly well, those images of the people with health issues were from the unfiltered, unaltered smog the Undercity used to live with)to hunt a target who likes to blow shit up seems fair. Also the fact that it knocks people out means they don't have to kill them.

Caitlyn's Remorse And Attempts To Make Things Right:

Literally starts a war with Ambessa to save Vander

Saves a hurt Vi with Jinx's back exposed to her when she is armed

Takes care of injured Vi in her own bed and postpones any judgement of Jinx until Vi wakes

"I Know!"

"We can't erase our mistakes.. none of us"- Equates herself with Jinx

"No amount of good deed can undo our crimes"- Equates herself with Jinx

"Hating you.. I've hated myself.. I just don't have the energy for it any longer.."

Tender moment showing IMMENSE regret during she and Vi's big scene.

The Cost:

One statement I saw opined that there is a difference between remorse and punishment, and that Caitlyn should have been punished. That giving up her seat and losing an eye hardly qualified. Well! Boy oh boy do I have good news for you. Let's take a gander at the physical "not punishment" she acquires willingly leading from the front lines against Ambessa:

Cracked in the head with rifle stock, twice: Skull fractures anyone? how about a lovely concussion?

Stabbed in the stomach: Internal bleeding, bile leaks, intestinal obstruction due to scar tissue adhesions, bowel perforation, the list goes on.

Kicked in the midsection while still stabbed: potential to drive knife deeper lacerating organs and such, just massive pain, potential catastrophic bleeding if a blood vessel was hit, potential rupturing of stomach, kidneys or liver releasing harmful fluids into abdominal cavity, potential for long term chronic pain or permanent organ damage

Leg sweep by Ambessa driving Caitlyn's head into the ground: potential tbi, brain hemorrhage, or further skull fracture, potential vertebral fractures, potential long term cognitive impairment or loss of motor control if spine is damaged

Kicked again: We covered this. Knife is still there.

Ankle pinned/Leg kick/backhand: All sorts of fun things happening to ligaments and tendons. Potential permanent disability. Potential concussion and bruising as well as a whole host of lacerations.

Headbutt with War mask on: Concussion, skull fracture, brain bleed

KICKED OFF OF HER FEET

Pulls knife out of her own body: Potential fatal bleeding, massive pain, possible peritonitis and respiratory distress depending on what all was damaged during the fight with the knife still in her body.

Sacrifices her own eye

Now lets take a quick look at some reasonable assertions for the mental "not punishment" she will likely suffer from after all of this:

Massive potential for PTSD just from the wounds alone

Losing an eye impacts her shooting which is a huge part of who she is and a link to her mother

A woman she shared a bed with levelled a rifle at her neck and pulled the trigger. Caitlyn thought she was going to die.. that doesn't just go away..

look at her face...

She is twenty four people....

4. Guilt over death toll of war

5. Guilt over Vi's possible death from downward spiral

6. Guilt over Vi's possible death from explosion in commune all born from Noxian;s arriving there

7. Guilt over everything done to the Undercity

8. Guilt over perversion of her families ventilation system

9. The fact that from season 1 Act 2 til now, she only ages a year and probably not even a whole one. Refer to my list in the beginning. She has not a single fucking second to breathe or heal from any of that shit

RESTITUTION:

So aside from willingly leading the battle that most of the undercity walked away from until Jinx shows up and almost dying for it, how does Caitlyn start to make things right you may ask? (because it is a start, for those who don't get that. This is the beginning of a story not an end). For the first time in what we understand to be the history of the twin cities, Zaun has a seat at the table. People are REALLLLYYYYY underselling this. I guess because they wanted a whole political treaty signed and to watch Caitlyn get shame-nunned through the street or something. IDK. But what I do know, is that Caitlyn gave away the ancestral seat of house Kiramman, and all the power and authority that came with it, and it now belongs to someone from the undercity. An equal voice. And it's just the beginning. It's not perfect. It's not all wrapped up in a big shiny bow, it feels real. Change isn't instant. It never has been and it never will be, and if you need that to feel fulfilled I understand, but this show was never going to be that for you.

Caitlyn Should Be Executed?:

So back to the original statement. Caitlyn should be executed in the name of peace between the cities. Well, I'll say this. if you see a 24 year old woman who inside of a year had her entire reality imploded, fell prey to the manipulations of a violent war monger close to 30 years her senior if not more, yet found her way back to herself and shed her own blood as a war hero TO SAVE HUMANITY, and your answer is she should be executed. Sure! So long as you admit you have the humanity of a toaster oven you fucking idiot.

To those of you who have continued to read, and share your thoughts, and been open to kind debate and discourse in good faith. You all mean the world to me. As I have said many times, opening myself up to this community has really happed my "real" life in a lot of ways and I love getting on here to appreciate and celebrate this story with all of you. That being said, this particular issue is so god damn irritating to me I am done being nice about it. Have a wonderful day!

[solbaby7]

I love the idea of the drink menu for the requests! It's brilliant ✨️

Could I please get an Old Fashioned, salt rim, neat? Take your time 💋

[ “no, no, leave your clothes on for me.” + smut + az ]

thank you so much for the request and being patient with me 💕💕the vibe of this one is giving situationship that yearns to be more, been watching too much scandal🫣

-> BLURB BAR <-

—

You’d learned pretty early on in life that asking for forgiveness was better than begging for permission.

It was just easier, usually made things less complicated which is why you significantly downplay the importance of the dress purchase that had half a dozen seamstresses prattling about your bedchambers. One of them promptly shoos Azriel away once they notice him eyeing the divider you strip behind, ushering him up and out of the doorway. He’s adjusting his pants when the door shuts behind him, vividly recalling the glimpse all that tight fabric and the way it cinches at your waist, accentuating the full curves concealed beneath. It leaves him hungry; wanting—salivating like starved wolves that scavenge through the Middle for mere scraps.

“Hot date?”

Azriel’s brows furrow, still a little dizzy from the sight of you and your lingering scent; his body annoyingly attuned to your own. “No, why?”

Rhys lazily points in the direction of your room, eyes trained on the array of chilled whiskeys at the bar cart before him. “The dress she’s wearing is designer—exclusive; one of a kind. Need to book an appointment a year in advance as well as having a good word with the owner type exclusive.”

“So?”

“So,” Polished crystal clacks heavily against metal, one, two, three ice cubes fall inside before a hefty pour of some smoky whiskey that’s been sitting around longer than you’d been alive. “They don’t sell a single dress without taking specific measurements for alterations, making multiple appointments for fittings.” The lack of response makes Rhys turn, fingers brushing at the crease in his dress shirt as he takes his brother in. Hazel eyes are clouded with curiosity, a million possibilities being pinned up on a board as the hunter within him collects pieces of a puzzle. “My point is, no male in his right mind lets the woman he wants go out in a dress like that without having some sort of claim on her first.”

Suddenly, it makes sense why people of power are urged to be of sound mind; to have a level head so that advice like that didn’t send one into a spiral.

Azriel quickly learns that he is not of sound mind. A harsh truth that he realizes seconds after Rhys leaves him alone to settle with those words. They echo in his brain, repeating in his mind like some curse that’s dead set on haunting him.

Sure, the two of you hadn’t exactly put a title on all the secret moments spent scuffling off to some dark corner for a few frenzied kisses. The times where group nights at Rita’s leaves two bodies disappearing out back for his hands to hike up some skimpy dress enough to get a good grip of your ass. But that alone had to count for something at least, didn’t it?

No way some other male would get the chance to see you how Azriel did, right? His hands twitch at the uncertainty—jealousy lighting a fire in his ass that has him bee-lining it to your room like he fucking owns the place.

It’s almost comical, the way your door bounces off the wall under the pressure of his palm once he’s finally reached it. Too bad he’s too honed in on his target to take in the true humor of six attentive ladies shooting daggers at the towering interruption that keeps making your arms fidget or hips shift while they try to work. “Az?”

“We need to talk.”

“Oh, can it wait? They’re nearly finished with the—“

“No, I’m sorry. It needs to be now, it’s urgent.” Shadows are already following their masters will, urging the ladies out of the room and into the hall, the door shutting before their disgruntled words could breech the barrier. He turns, a speech brewing at the tip of his tongue but it all goes blank when he looks at you—really looks at you. “Wow, you look….wow.”

You preen under the attention, one arm holding up the bodice as you give him a spin. “I just knew when I saw it, it had to be mine.” There’s a few loose threads, buttons waiting in a little dish to the side to be sewn on properly but he gets the gist. Fully understands the intent of such fabrics when he sees it holding onto the shape of your curves. “Fits like a glove.”

“I can see that.” Grace is granted when you fully return to face the mirror, too entranced in the little details to even notice the way Azriel eats up the picture you paint. All soft lines and pretty shadows casted by the flickery golden light emitting from the candles you favor. Warm notes of vanilla and honeysuckle fill his nose and he commits every bit to memory; latching on to whatever he can of you. “A little skimpy for Starfall, don’t you think? Or is there a matching coat I’m not seeing?”

The cutting look you throw his way is felt through the reflective glass. “I’d never waste a dress like this on a familial event.” A neat brow raises as you carry on with your hair, hands holding it in a pony. Twisting it into a neat bun. Letting it all free and tousling it messily, lips pouting at the sexy bed head texture it creates.

“Then, what’s it for?”

“To get laid.”

Raw jealousy is injected into Azriel’s veins faster than he can even comprehend the attack. It shoots through his bloodstream, gobbling up all sensiblities while simultaneously planting seeds of doubt. Every inch of him goes rigid, lids narrowing and pupils dilating. Acid pools on his tongue, singeing through the words he speaks, “What gave you the impression that anyone else could touch you while you’re fucking me?”

“Oh, I don’t know—maybe, it’s the lack of exclusivity?” Mascara is brushed through your lashes. Lipgloss smeared across supple lips. “Or maybe it’s because I’m just too fucking pretty to be always second guessing why you won’t make a move already.”

A muscle ticks along his jaw, “I thought it was obvious enough that you and I—you belong to be.”

“Says who?” He abhors the way you laugh around your words. “Because, that conversation doesn’t ring a bell.”

Azriel’s shoulders shift, frustration lingering in his stance and you find yourself annoyingly attracted to the entitled way he begins to fill up the space of your room. Outside shoes sink into the soft plush of your rugs until he’s standing behind you, one finger flicking at your dress as if it were personally offending him. “Says me.”

A scoff passes glossy lips, a hand waving absently in his direction as if shooing off an insect. “Save the brutish male bullshit for a female who favors it. This dancing around your feelings thing is growing tiresome and borderline pathetic.”

You’ve gone too far.

The absence of his reply makes you sure of that. Too many seconds pass in silence, long enough for the mood to grow awkward. Lips part and close, the heat in Azriel’s stare too ambiguous to go off of.

Fingers fiddle with dainty gold rings held snug against your knuckle. “Az, I’m—“

“—In need of some clarification, it seems.” Every syllable comes out alarmingly even, forcing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand at attention. “Go to the bed and bend over.”

“…is this a joke?” You question over a tense laugh.

Not a single thing about him indicates so. “Does it feel like one?” He leaves no room for a response, jaw jutting out towards the bed. “Bend over.”

You swallow thickly, moving to comply while shimmying the dress down your torso.

“No.” Azriel’s voice cuts through like an arrow through the night, shadows curling around the curve of your shoulder, teasing through your hair. Goosebumps kiss your flesh, neck craning as your body melts to mush under his attention. “Leave your clothes on for me. You spent so much money,” Every step he takes is as silent as a whisper; the only way you can tell he’s directly behind you is because of the foot that nudges between your ankles, widening your stance. “Let me appreciate it how it deserves, yeah?”

He’s not really asking for a response but you nod along either way.

Anticipation burns beneath your skin, warms your belly, makes toes curl in expensive shoes when you hear the shift of his clothes as he crouches down to his knees. Shadows hold up the hem of your dress, preventing you from seeing exactly what Az is doing, but your imagination fills in the blanks when you feel his breath against the back of your thighs. "Pretty," The muscles in your legs jump at his touch, cool fingertips trailing up your calves, squeezing at the thickness of upper thighs while running his thumb under the fat of your ass.

You get the feeling he isn't referring to the intricate lace detailing or near invisible line along the side that concealed the zipper running from hip to rib. Not when he spreads you open, a deep hum rumbling in his chest at the wet sound of your cunt separating beneath thin cotton.

“Now there’s a warm welcome,” A hooked finger peels it away, revealing bare sex and dripping arousal. Calloused skin dragging against a sensitive clit has your hips jumping at the sudden attention.

Teeth bite at supple lips, a moan crooning free as pleasure licks up your spine—it’s not enough. You shift from foot to foot, heels forcing a strain in your hamstrings while bent over in this position but Azriel doesn’t seem to care in the slightest. “Beating around the bush, as usual.” He’s perfectly content exploring around with your sex, circling around your clit and teasing his fingers into a warm hole that all but weeps in rejoice at the attention.

“Don’t rush me.” Your throat rolls with a thick swallow at the authority in his tone, brows pinched with pleasure as he works you open. “A male can spend all day tinkering away with his toys if that’s what he pleases. Don’t you agree?”

It should bother you more that Azriel plays fucking dirty.

He’s just daring you to deny him while he’s got you so exposed—so vulnerable. Fingers abusing at a sensitive spot that has your legs shaking and pelvis bulging a little at the intrusion. Arousal pools in his palm, fingers coaxing your mind to mush; pulverizing all the fight you have as he works you to your high.

“Yes!” You all but shout, back arching into the orgasm that washes over you. Incoherent little babbles follow, choppy encouragements and whispered pleas for reprieve but all Azriel can hear is ‘yesyesyes’ ‘yoursyoursyours��.

Someone of his own to covet. To kiss and love and fuck and ruin.

Something like satisfaction coats his cadence. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

[lol a lil bonus part i couldn’t make fit but refused to delete]

“Pathetic, hm?”

A satisfied grin spreads along flushed cheeks, hair messy and lipgloss smudged. “You do your best work when provoked.” Something like realization bleeds back into your eyes and in seconds you’re flailing from his arms, slipping off the mattress and using the discarded dress as coverage when you rush to the door.

There’s a few seams loose, string hanging out haphazardly and wrinkles all over but your smile is bright—damn near dopey when you drop a thick velvet bag in their palm. “Final payment plus tip—the dress is perfect.”

“It’s ruined!”

“Trust me,” Fabric whispers as it moves, legs shuffling to tuck your frame better behind the door. “It served its purpose.”

[lovrsm]

ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜꜱ

sum: in which your brother invites you to a party, and oh god, you're so glad you accepted.

word count: 2.4k

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

warnings: drinking, curse words & insinuation of cheating.

Spotify - Apple Music

ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ - ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪɪ - ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ᴀᴜ

"you should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk"

Monaco was such a lovely place, when my brother had told me about it I thought he was exaggerating. I mean, it wouldn't be that weird if he had, he's always excited about everything, he's the kind of guy who makes you see as if the world is made of bright rainbow colors, and I believe him.

I arrived from the airport about 2 hours ago, I was on my way to the hotel where Lando was staying, he told me he got another room for me. How could I say no?

He called me yesterday at about 3pm

"No, I'm telling you, IT WILL BE THE PARTY OF THE YEAR!" he screamed over the phone, making me laugh.

"Lando, I just came from signing with my sponsors, they expect me to write more songs in a 4 months period, you know how complicated that's going to be?" I exhaled, taking off my heels, tossing them across the room as I lay down on the couch. I was exhausted.

"C'mon, you'll have plenty of things to write songs about, look, I can already hear it!" he started to hum a catchy tone, making the corners of my mouth go up. "Lando... Jake won't be able to be there, god, I don't even know if he'll want me to be there, you know?"

I could already see him in the doorway telling me where am I.

Sure, he was on canada filming, but what if he finds out?

"I'm not even letting you say no, I'm already booking tickets, get all you need, you can even shop here if you want, I just want my sister with me tomorrow night with me"

"You better go get me at the airport Lando Norris."

"I wont let you down peanut" He chuckled and hung up on me.

Well he kinda let me down, he couldn't come get me due to some last minute meeting he had. I don't really mind, I know having a busy life is exhausting.

I thanked the taxi driver giving his a generous tip, my bodyguard helped me get out my suitcases, I had a hoodie and black sunglasses, he had a casual outfit so we wouldn't stand out.

For being a top artist in the whole world, I did not like having that much security. But it was an obligation, not an option, I had to stick to what my manager and team asks me to do.

_

After a busy day of shopping and walking around the streets, I could barely feel my feet. I had gotten a beautiful short red dress. Perfect fit for the occasion. It was just 7p.m. and Lando had texted me he was on his way to my dorm.

The door opened to reveal my very festive brother in the other side "You're here!" "I'm here!" I screamed back jumping into his arms.

We catched up, he was telling me about how he checked the track, for the next season, since we were in December. Although I never really understood racing, when we were kids our parents would take us out to the karts, and I'd always crash while he was beating all of us who tried to play.

He focused on sports and I focused on music, since I was 12 years old I learned to play the guitar. My mom used to tell me that I was a genius at writing songs, I guess many people think the same.

Time passed by too fast, with him I felt like an hour were just 5 minutes.

After hating each other all our childhood, we became closer than ever after my career and his took off. I think it was because we were twins, we hated it when people said we acted the same, because physically we are not alike at all. I am so much prettier, obviously.

it was already 8 o'clock "I'm leaving, I should get ready, do you wanna come with me?"

"I'd stopped talking to you if you let me get there alone, I know none of these guys Lando."

"I'm sure you'll know somebody miss famous." He bumped my shoulder and left my room, entering to his which was next door.

I took my time getting ready. God, I love being a woman. I took a bath, fixed my hair, put on my make-up and finally there was the dress, hanging on the bathroom door. I think it is one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen in my life.

How did I manage to put on the mini dress correctly by myself? I don't even know, but I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. God if only someone could look at me.

Oh wait! There is someone, I grabbed my phone to click his name, my phone started to ring. I waited patiently, but he did not answer. So I called him once more, this time he did answer.

I heard loud music and singing in the back. "What do you need?" he asked, I could hear the irritation in his voice. "I wanted to hear from you, we haven't talked-"

"We talked last Monday, wasn't that enough? I'm busy." He interrupted me.

"Where are you?" I asked intrigued this time.

"Uhm... I'm in the bar with some friends"

"Oh and that's just more important than your girlfriend?" I raised my voice at him, I was now sitting the edge on the bed.

"Look, I don't want to fight, just call me later." He said, basically hanging the phone. "Jake..." I said before he could do so.

"What?" He sounded desperate. "Take care." I said.

"Ok" He hung. I felt disgusted, why? not idea, I just felt dirty, as if I was forcing him to talk to me. I took some deep breathes so I could calm my nerves down.

I don't even want to go out anymore.

I tried hard not to cry, I wasn't going to ruin my makeup over some small argument, I'm sure tomorrow we'll be alright, we always end up alright.

It felt as an eternity till I heard a knock on my door, I quickly grabbed my bag, looked in the mirror once more to fix my dark wavy hair, and rushed to the door. I opened it, in the side was Lando, his back on the wall while he was looking at his phone.

He turned it off and looked at me, I smiled "Ready to go Peanut?"

"Lets go"

_

We finally got to the club, electronic music was blasting off, people were already drunk, and boy they didn't even tried to hide it.

We had to basically run to the VIP area, I didn't said anything to my bodyguard about this, besides, he can use a break.

Lando was immediately greeted by everyone who was in the room. "LANDO!" A man screamed to him "Ayee, we're here!" He said hugging the man, and patting him in the back. "you're so late, you were the only ones missing!"

"we're here Pierre, I'd like to present to you all my sister!" He hugged me by the side and I waved with a smile on my face. It seemed that most of them recognized me, because some of them just stood there in shock "Hey everyone, ready to get wasted?" I laughed, that made them less tense and cheered, lifting their cups.

Lando gave a me a sweet kiss in my head, "see, you'll be fine, have some fun peanut!" I let go and we both went our own way.

I started to talk to a girl, her name is Kika, I learnt she was the girlfriend of a guy named Pierre Gasly. I've heard about him but no one ever told me how fun his girlfriend was!

"Girl, you should try this margarita, the most wholesome thing you'll have in your life!"

She was not kidding with that. In a few minutes, I had asked for... about 5 of them, or maybe just 13.

I had talked to everyone in the room by 10 pm, they were all so fun, and the energy was of another planet.

"Yeah, and then Max would make that grumpy face. I swear he looks like and old man!"

"very mature Lando, so mature." I bursted out laughing. "LECLERC HAS ARRIVED!" I heard someone scream in the entrance, and in seconds half of the group was there greeting the guy.

I decided I was going to take something else than a margarita. I walked up to the bartender, who definitely did not understood me. I don't know if I was speaking too softly or if I was just way too drunk to talk, but I decided to leave, I turned around and bumped into someone.

I was about to loose my balance till his arms were wrapped around my waist, I was able to stand straight. "are you alright?" he asked.

I looked into his eyes, green eyes "what?"was all I could manage. "Are you alright?" He asked again, I now noticed a thick accent, I bursted out laughing for that.

He looked so confused, he let go and chuckled with me. For a second it was as if the whole club was quiet. I looked again at him, and I immediately looked down at the floor. He grabbed my hand, the lights went out for a second and my world spun. My legs were about to give up.

His touch was... it was, god I can't even say it.

"I'm Charles, what's your name?"

I bit my lip, what went out of my mouth was definitely not what I wanted to say. "Do you always talk like that?" I asked a bit to seriously, I chuckled so that I wasn't that rude.

"Yeah, my first language isn't english."

"Huh." I said, I felt as if he had a goddamn magnetic field and it was pulling me towards him, I couldn't stand it.

I ran off to the other side of the room, leaving him standing alone next to the bar.

_

All night.

All night I couldn't stop thinking about him, his hand touching my hand in the darkened room...

and I made fun of the way he talked.

I'm never drinking again.

Yet there I was, in the bar once more, asking for whiskey. Mature, so mature.

I kept bouncing back and forth between the people there, once I saw Charles walking to my way, I would ran to the other side of the room.

I have a boyfriend for gods sake! I can't be thinking these unhealthy things about him.

But, I mean, can you blame me?

Look at him.

His first two buttons were unbottened which made him look so attractive. And you should see his dimples, he's so gorgeous it actually fucking hurts!

"So you're not going to talk to me?" I heard a voice behind my ear. His chest touching my back. I didn't move, but I did answer.

"Who said I wasn't going to?" I asked playfully, with a grin on my face, knowing he couldn’t see me.

He hummed in my ear, before he turned me to look him in the eye, he grabbed my neck, but he didn't kiss me. Instead, he brought his lips back to my ear.

"Then why do you keep running, huh?" His hot breath sent a shiver down my spine. I was dumbfolded by his actions, he took a step back to look at me.

I looked into his eyes, I was absolutely taking him in. I looked at his dimples because of the grin he had in his face. His eyebrows, his slightly sweaty hair, with pieces of it falling into his face.

I couldn't help myself, I noticed how he looked into my eyes, and then to my mouth.

What if..?

I asked to myself, I closed my eyes and got closer to him, waiting for a kiss. But he grabbed me by my hips pulling me back.

"You're far too drunk, ma chou" I heard and opened my eyes, he gave me a sympathetic smile. I felt dumb for a second, but after seeing his face... I think I might be falling.

"Why don't we leave, would you like that?" I hugged him, my head in his neck. I nodded as fast as I could. He grabbed me and in a second, we were in his car.

For sure the alcohol got to my head that night.

_

Taglist

[amongemeraldclouds]

better than revenge | chapter eight: silver lining

Lorenzo Berkshire x Reader

Series trope: Fake dating 

Chapter eight summary: Going to a ball with Enzo, you play a game to keep things interesting. 1k words.

Warning: Fluff, no use of y/n, suggestive.

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“My lady,” Enzo smiles at me, arm outstretched to take my hand, the other poised behind him.

I giggle and take his hand. “Why, thank you my lord.”

We walk up the stairs into the ornate ballroom, glistening in white and gold. The place is flush with velvet, silk, and other fineries adorning the room and guests with their bright smiles and heads held high. 

“It’s been years since I’ve been to one of these,” I remark, taking in the grandeur.

“I promise it will be a fun evening,” Enzo reassures me. “Why has it been so long?”

“My mother loved these events and used to take me with her all the time,” I smile at the memory. “When she passed away, her memory haunted me whenever I tried to go. It wasn’t the same anymore. She was radiant, Enzo. An unforgettable woman,” I gush.

“She must be,” he agrees, “to have such a wonderful daughter take after her.”

I lean into him, “oh come now, no one will hear our conversation. No need to say that for The Book.”

“Okay,” he says, “but I mean it.”

I grab a champagne flute to try to hide my blush.

After greeting everyone we knew, we settle into a corner of the ballroom. “So how exactly are we going to make it fun?” I ask.

“Let’s play a game of guess the conversation. Let’s pick people chatting together and try and guess what they’re saying based on how their lips move.”

The champagne fizzing on my tongue makes me bold. “What if we take it to the next level? Would you be able to guess what I say if I move my lips against yours?”

Enzo meets my eyes and visibly blushes. I grin at him, “maybe that’s should be our game,” I say, moving my lips to his ear. “Who can make each other blush the most?”

Mischief glints at the corner of his eye, “oh you’re on.”

“May I have this dance?” He asks as the music starts up.

We make our way to the dance floor and join the crowd. Enzo places his hand on my waist and holds my other hand. I rest my free hand on his shoulder and we move to the music.

“I’ll go first,” Enzo says. “You look really beautiful tonight.”

“Okay, new rule. You must only say what’s true and not for the sake of the game. Deal?”

“Sure,” he agrees. “I still stand by what I said.”

“Well you’re not too bad either in that suit. You look very princely, but I bet those clothes would look better on the bedroom floor.”

He chuckles, “oh we’re going there? Well, I think if you call me a prince…instead of calling you my princess, would you rather I call you a good girl?”

“Hmm that depends, you can’t call me a good girl when I want to do bad things to you.”

Enzo closes his eyes and groans. “You know bad girls get punished, how would you like to learn your lesson?”

“Using mnemonics,” I quip. “Which, as we’ve established, is not a made up word.”

Enzo laughs at my change in subject. “Thanks for coming here with me tonight. Now everyone in high society knows I’ve claimed you as mine.”

“Oh?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I did not wink, unless you’d like me to?” 

I smirk and focus on our dance. Beneath the glowing chandelier and the intoxicating buzz of champagne in my veins, it’s getting more and more difficult to rein in my restraints.

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

“Thank you,” I tell Enzo after he walks me to my dorm.

“I should be thanking you, this phase of The Book is a success.”

“A lot of words were said tonight,” I begin and Enzo blushes at the memory.

“We don’t have to actually do anything, words can just be words,” he says gently.

I nod and wish him good night. As he turns and takes a few steps away from me, I hesitate. “Wait, Enzo.”

He looks back at me expectantly.

“Will you help me with my dress? It’s quite complicated to untie by myself.” 

He visibly gulps and nods as I lead him to my dorm.

After closing the door, Enzo moves behind me and starts working on untying my gown. String by string, pieces of silk come undone at his touch. I feel his warm breath at the nape of my neck and welcome the sparks of electricity that bloom where his skin grazes mine. I remind myself to breathe.

In the darkness of my room, alone again with Enzo in our own world, I can no longer keep lying to myself. “Enzo,” I breathe out, surprised by how touch starved my voice sounds.

“Yes?” He replies in an equally breathless voice.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I confess. His fingers freeze at my sudden declaration as he waits for me to go on.

I turn around and meet his eyes, “when this all started a few months ago, I was angry and looking to get revenge on Mattheo. I never expected -” I falter and gather myself.

“I never expected to get to know this amazing guy who’s funny, kind and is the best fake boyfriend. I never expected I could feel happy again after everything that happened. Enzo?”

“Hmm?” He asks encouragingly.

“You’re my silver lining.”

Enzo’s face lights up at my confession, “I thought I was the only one who felt something.”

I shake my head, “how could I not? I feel at home with you.”

He smiles, “falling for me, dear?”

I laugh, leaning into him, “actually yes, I am Enzo.”

He pulls me in for a hug. “I caught you, darling,” he says and we both giggle at how cheesy we sound.

When we pull apart, I look into his eyes and admit, “Enzo, I want this to be real.”

“I think it’s been real to me for a while,” he confesses. 

I smile and kiss him. Just like that, the sweetness of the moment is ignited with heat.

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A/N: Alexa, play Dress by Taylor Swift. The next chapter will be pure smut!

Taglist: @hoeforvinniehackerrr @i-think-you-are-gr8 @thecraziestcrayon @adreamingpendulum @themarauderswife7 @midsoulz @ultramarinetovelvet @val-writes @lafrone @daisiesformylove @mildly-delulu @allebasi05 @enha-stan @skb4000 @nat1221 @s0urw00lf @helpimhopelesslyinlove

[onedeadkitty]

Mizus Gender

He/him they/them she/her pronouns for Mizu

I know the writers of the show wrote blue eye samurai with Mizu as a woman disguised as a man in a way similar ish to Mulan but uh

They accidentally made it deeper than that ??

If you removed like 2 lines of dialogue in episode 5 you could even make an argument for trans masc Mizu. Or at the least gender queer.

Being transgender is not a concept in this time period. But trust. People have always wanted to be other genders, probably for the entirety of human history. And how someone would go about being trans in a world with no true understanding of the concept, might be similar to what Mizu IS DOING RIGHT NOW.

Living as a man. PERMANENTLY. Not temporarily to achieve some near goal like Mulan and the many other stories with this concept. Mizu has lived as a man nearly their entire life and no intention to ever live as a woman in the future.

Mizu admires their freshly binded chest in the mirror as a teen.

When alone Mizu refers to himself as a man.

When alone with Ringo, (someone who knows the secret) Ringo also refers to Mizu as a man.

Mizu threatens to straight kill Ringo at the the very use of the word “girl”.

When, and ONLY when seeing 2 MEN kiss does he think of Taigen.

Not to mention madame Kajis indelicate insinuation of gay sex to Mizu, something I believe wasn’t for no reason. OR Madams iconic line “you are more man than ANY come through my door” (I’m convinced she has an idea of Mizus true sex but doesn’t care to accuse or call them out for it)

They HAD lived as a woman in the past. Only for about a year, and they did it to get married for her mothers sake. To save her from a life of prostitution. She was able to be happy, because it IS POSSIBLE to be happy while not presenting how you like. It’s a strain and some can never be happy doing so but it’s possible and people do it all the time to make their lives easier or to keep the peace with family or for many other reasons.

Episode 5 gave HUGE VIBES of going back into the closet when living with your parents or just visiting. And Mizu looked SO uncomfortable and awkward in woman’s clothing and doing “wife things” (partly cause they have never done that before) and maybe it was my own projecting but I felt so uncomfortable FOR Mizu.

These things don’t necessarily mean being a transgender man specifically. Gender is actually really complicated and has ALOT to do with what society deems it.

Mizu is a masculine person. Being what Japan wants women to be isn’t in line with what Mizu is. A violent, practical, stoic, cold, masculine, confident and capable warrior.

dressing up as a woman with the makeup ONLY to try and make her husband happy. She didn’t WANT to. “To soften her husbands heart, the bride… danced” performed femininity FOR HIM. Only for Mikio to betray her for, in his eyes, being more masculine than him, by beating him in a physical fight.

Mizu is both the ronin and the bride. Mizu will be whatever they need to in order to achieve their owed deaths. They HAVE to be a man to get their revenge but that doesn’t mean Mizu WANTS to be a woman. (To be fair who WOULD in that time but I digress) and it doesn’t mean they WANT to be a man. They WANT their revenge. Everything is secondary to that.

Mizu is so different from other characters…

I grew up in a kinda misogynistic place and my mom really didn’t let me “do boy stuff” or dress masculine in any sense until my late teens. I my self don’t know if I can even call myself Trans. But I’m masculine, I like looking like a man and dressing as one but I don’t WANT to be a man necessarily. But I don’t WANT to be a woman. I feel like we as a society put to much distinction between the two and the people who don’t fit either side get left out at times.

Mizu is such a relatable character to me, like no other characters complicated feelings about their own sex and gender have ever come close.

They are for those who don’t have a strong sense of their own gender. Especially those who are biologically female and hesitant to lean into their sex because of the societal baggage.

Once people realize that how you dress, how you act, and what you do in reality have nothing to do with your bio sex and everything with what society has forced people to do based on factors out of our control is the day we can finally stop having these conversations.

Do what you want, gender is fake.

But Mizu is forever 🫶

[krispycreamcake]

yeeees! Please go for the headcanon!!

From author: Was secretly wishing you'd send this 🙏🏼

If you killed someone in the Sakamaki household

Shu Sakamaki

🎻- Honestly just like every other brother, it heavily depends on who was killed

🎻- If it was Reiji, he'd be ecstatic, kind of

🎻- His relationship with Reiji is extremely strained and that's without him even knowing about him "killing" Edgar

🎻- He'd be impressed that you managed to kill someone like Reiji which initially makes him extremely wary of you

🎻- His immediate reaction to finding out would be disbelief but then escalate into one of satisfaction

🎻- He'd probably say something along the lines of "What would that woman think if she knew you died by the hands of a mere mortal, I wonder?" And cue insane laughter please

🎻- If it was someone less relevant to him, then I'd say he's the type of guy to not care until he actually sees the body dressed up and ready to be buried

🎻- Now I'm not saying he'll go into grieving or anything, but it'll actually hit him that his brother is in fact dead

🎻- Now for his reaction towards YOU

🎻- That's a completely different story

🎻- Like I said before, his reaction would differ and if you really did manage to kill Reiji, he'd be ever so grateful but he'd never say it. Ever.

🎻- He'd probably be curious though as to what drove you to killing him, or any of his brothers for that matter

🎻- He'd analyze the situation in his mind and pick out the flaws that led to their demise

🎻- Realistically he'd care but not for too long. Give him about less than a week to get accustomed and he'll be fine

🎻- He'd never underestimate you again though, he'll make sure of that

🎻- If it was Yui however, then that's a lot more complicated

🎻- If his relationship was well developed with her, you'd be dead, without a doubt

🎻- If he was still in his almostgivingafuckbutnotreally stage, he wouldn't care a lot

🎻- He'd be kinda irritated that you killed his prey though and then Karl would just send another troublesome woman to bother him

🎻- But like I said, if he really did start to warm up to Yui or was already warmed up, you'd be dead in an instant

Reiji Sakamaki

☕- Surprised and concerned

☕- This may honestly seem like a shock to some people but Reiji actually does care for his brothers and has stated that he enjoys living with them

☕- Going off of this information, we can assume he'd be at least a tiny bit distraught even if he doesn't convey it outwardly

☕- Like Shu, he'd want to know your motives and additionally, how you even managed to do such a thing

☕- He'd honestly miss their presence and picking up after them. He would probably cope in some weird ass way

☕- Maybe he'd start writing letters to them and keep them sealed away somewhere extremely safe

☕- Initially, his face would go 😨 and then you'd have to deal with him mourning

☕- He'd probably avoid you realistically until he has thoughts in an order

☕- This process can take either a day or a month depending

☕- God forbid it was Shu that was killed however

☕- Once again, cue insane laughter

☕- Seeing your lifelong rival die is something I'm sure is hard to process

☕- I'm not saying he wouldn't be relieved that his good for nothing brother died, especially since it meant he was now the oldest and had more opportunities opened up to him

☕- But as much as he does hate Shu, it's still his brother and at some point in their lives, they weren't rivals

☕- Now I'm not saying he'll be even slightly upset with his death but

☕- Actually let me backtrack a bit

☕- Imagine hating someone so much because all they do is show you up without having to do anything and in a second, they're gone

☕- Reiji would almost throw a tantrum

☕- Their relationship can be comparable to Joker and Batman in a sense

☕- Let me elaborate on that for a second

☕- Building your life around a certain person and making sure you come out on top no matter what

☕- Having the very reason that you're the person you are today, be ripped away from you is something that's always hard to process whether your relationship with them is negative or positive

☕- Reiji needs to feel the satisfaction of killing Shu so he can translate onto him the years of pent up rage and resentment and pain and hurt and jealousy

☕- Killing Shu would mean to Reiji that you took away the one thing he could've owned for himself without being overshadowed

☕- If you take away the very thing that makes Reiji, Reiji, then he'll lose the foundation for all his successes in life

☕- If you killed Yui however, obviously death

☕- I feel like I shouldn't have to say it each time, but expect to die in some twisted malevolent way

☕- Let's say he didn't have that bond with Yui, he'd still be pissed

☕- Probably lock you in the dungeon without food so you could "understand" the extent of your crimes

Ayato Sakamaki

🏆- Ok so I'm not sure how many people know this, but Ayato is the most sympathetic of his brothers, I'd go as far to say even empathetic

🏆- Now I'm not saying this makes him a morally good person and whatnot, or that he'll cry everyday and bring flowers to his brother's grave, no

🏆- We learn that Ayato is actually quite understanding and sympathetic when he states that he understands why Cordelia did certain things and even pitied her

🏆- With that in mind, it'd hurt him, a lot

🏆- We all know Ayato is one to wear his heart on his sleeve no matter wherever or whoever

🏆- He'll be outwardly upset but that doesn't mean he'll be seen mourning

🏆- To break it down, he's the type of person to stare at the empty seat in the dining room and can't help but realize that chair will always be empty

🏆- Or he'll realize that he'll live long enough to forget his brother's voice, sometimes stand in front their bedroom door, not saying anything and then walking off

🏆- He'll notice how the living room feels slightly bigger when there's family meetings and how he'll never get to shout at that person again

🏆- Due to him being conditioned to being number one, he'll have extremely mixed feelings

🏆- As a competitor, the game isn't fun without other opponents, even if it's a game you know you'll win because then you coming first means nothing

🏆- Dying or in this case, 'dropping out the race' would make Ayato stop running for once and look back at the other players

🏆- That's if it was someone he wasn't as close with

🏆- Now let's say you killed Laito for instance, he'd have quite a different reaction

🏆- He would actually mourn his brother but never let anyone see him

🏆- His relationship with Laito is complicated but not an enigma

🏆- He feels as if he owes Laito something from not being able to help him in his past

🏆- Knowing that he died meant that he failed as a brother

🏆- If you killed Laito out of self defence, he'd be upset that his brother was dead but not because you defended yourself

🏆- Like I said earlier, he's the most understanding and sympathetic

🏆- If he could go into the shoes of the woman who abused and made his life hell

🏆- He could understand why you did what you did

🏆- If however it wasn't out of self defence, like Reiji he'd need to take a while to compose himself

🏆- He'd wanna know why and how and then just sit on his bed not knowing what to feel

🏆- He'd be upset at you if that was the case and you'd probably have to work to regain his trust again(if you want it)

🏆- But like I said, still the most understanding, so he had a feeling you might pull something like this if you started getting pestered too often or showed signs that you weren't doing okay

🏆- And oh God if it was Yui, yeah you're not coming out alive and I know I've said this like 2 times already, but let me be clear

🏆- You will wish he killed you

🏆- Prey or not, taking something that belongs to Ayato is never ever a good idea

From author: Guys it's 2am, I'll upload the other brothers tomorrow I promise, just please don't kill my family. (Ps, I love you guys❤)

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 17

Chapter 16 Letter

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

The dress that the maids, who now serve me with a sense of urgency unlike when we first met, prepared for me was woven with moons and stars, perhaps in deference to the Living God.

(This dress is truly lovely.)

I can't help but look down at myself whenever I get the chance, admiring the night sky dress.

The fabric itself subtly shines depending on the light, and I'm amazed by the dressmaking technique, which is different from Rhodolite's.

Silvio: They've prepared somethin' quite fine for you. As expected of a woman favored by God.

Silvio, who is accompanying me to the evening party as my escort, also seems to notice the meaning of my gaze and shows a mischievous smile at the corner of his mouth.

Emma: I'm not favored. As you saw during the day, I'm just an easy mark.

Silvio: Don't say that about yourself. Do those two know that you're in debt?

Emma: No. I didn't want to worry them...

(In that respect, it's easier to talk to Silvio because we have an appropriate distance between us.)

The prince of Benitoite doesn't worry excessively about me and maintains his position as a bystander.

Emma: Speaking of which, I haven't seen Clavis and Luke today.

Silvio: That pleasure-seeker has a lot of connections. He's probably drinking somewhere.

(I wonder if he's gathering information about the Triple Alliance.)

Silvio receives two glasses from a waiter and offers one of them to me.

Silvio: Here, you should drink too.

Emma: Thank you.

Silvio: But I won't take care of ya if you get drunk.

Emma: I certainly wouldn't cause you that much trouble, Prince Silvio.

(...Hmm, this is rich and delicious.)

While wetting my throat, I listen to the surroundings.

Nobleman: The riot the other day? Ah, that will soon be a past event we can laugh about.

Nobleman: As long as the Living God is alive, we'll be fine no matter what happens.

Noblewoman: These days, there are diviners for tourists, right? That's why divinations have become inaccurate.

Noblewoman: The Living God's blessings are only for the people of our own country...

Noblewoman: People from other countries are having some kind of influence.

Nobleman: The Living God's residence is supposed to be a sacred sanctuary, but it seems that people other than God's messengers are going in and out.

Nobleman: Even the favored girl aside, the sanctuary should be a sacred ground that must not be defiled, right?

Nobleman: Isn't the recent instability due to those disrespectful people who are violating the sacred?

(It seems like there are a lot of opinions and speculations about the situation in Tanzanite.)

(The common thing is that everyone believes in the Living God.)

(Even if divination has become inaccurate, faith doesn't crumble so easily.)

(At least the nobles attending the evening party are unwavering.)

???: Are you enjoying yourself?

Turning towards the familiar voice, His Majesty the King has come all the way to me.

I panic because I should be the one to greet him, but Enis smiles cheerfully, not seeming to mind at all.

Enis: You spoke to the Living God, didn't you? Let me thank you again.

Emma: But in the end, I couldn't bring him... I'm sorry.

Enis: No, I expected as much. If the Living God were to attend the evening party, it would truly be an omen of a cataclysmic event.

Enis: When he was a child, he often attended evening parties, his eyes sparkling at the delicious food...

Enis: But he stopped attending after a certain point.

Silvio: Oh, that's news to me. Did something happen?

The casual question created an inexplicable silence.

(...)

Enis: ...I'm sorry. Let's stop this conversation.

Enis: Because the Living God wouldn't want it.

(...Enis's expression is strained. Maybe the reason he doesn't attend the evening parties is more complicated than we think.)

Enis, as if nothing had happened, boldly drains the alcohol he was holding.

Enis: It's my turn to show you my sincerity, but it's a little inconvenient to talk about it here.

Enis: Let's meet in the throne room after the evening party.

Leaving only those words, Enis immediately headed to the seat prepared for the king and returned to chatting with the nobles.

Emma: ...That was an intriguing conversation.

Silvio: Ask him yourself.

Emma: It'll cost you.

Silvio: If you flirt with him, he might accidentally let it slip.

Emma: I don't think so.

Silvio: Ha, if you're serious, then I might understand God better than you.

(...)

Silvio: Woman, want to make a bet?

Silvio takes a sip of his alcohol and places the empty glass on the table.

Silvio: On whether the Living God will come to the evening party or not.

Emma: He clearly said he wouldn't come. Judging from the way Enis said it, I don't think he'll come either.

Silvio: Well then, I'll bet that he will come.

Silvio: How about the loser gives the winner a "special service ticket"?

Emma: ...Please forget about that already.

Silvio: Don't order me around.

(Why is he so confident?)

(Even though the odds are against him.)

Silvio: Unlike the last bet with God, I have a good chance of winnin' this time.

Emma: Specifically why?

Silvio: I told you, right? God favors ya.

Silvio: If a woman he favors dresses up and goes to an evenin' party, he normally wouldn't be able to stay calm.

Emma: ...I also said it already, didn't I? That I'm just an easy mark.

Silvio: That guy ain't the kind of good-natured person who would let just an easy mark live in his temple.

(Silvio seems to be implying that Azel's interest in me is genuine...)

I know better than anyone that it's impossible.

Emma: I'll probably win this bet.

Silvio: Keep telling yourself that. I have to start thinkin' about what I'll have yado.

(...Even though I think it's impossible, I can't calm down.)

I finish my drink and gently place the glass on the table.

(But if... if God really does appear at the evening party, then that's...)

In the distance, a heavy door opens with a loud sound.

At that moment, the noise dies down as if everyone has fallen into a dream.

(...That's...)

As if in response, the corners of Silvio's mouth lift.

Azel: I apologize for the interruption. Please don't mind me and continue your pleasant conversation.

Azel: I don't intend to spoil this enjoyable time.

Someone's agitation, someone's joy, someone's astonishment disappear into a world without sound.

The sacred being that has transformed the venue gives a compassionate smile and a benevolent gaze to all the people.

(...That's unfair.)

Enis: Living God...

Ennis rushes towards Azel with a flustered look.

It seems he really didn't expect him to come, and the word "astonishment" suits Enis perfectly right now.

Azel: Why are you so surprised? You called me, didn't you, Enis?

Azel: It's not bad to mingle and talk with everyone in a lively place once in a while.

Azel: Especially now, there are many people who are feeling uneasy, right? I hope my presence will be a source of support for everyone.

Enis: ...We are grateful for your compassion.

(The main character of the evening party has changed.)

From His Majesty the King to Azel--the participants, awakened from their dream-like state, gradually surround God.

Perhaps because he rarely appears in public, God is very popular.

Azel listens to the voices of the people without losing his smile.

Even though I know that he is a greedy, ill-natured God, I can't sense a shred of that.

(Even the people who were anxious earlier, and those who were voicing their complaints... everyone has a peaceful expression now.)

(As expected, God is great.)

Only Silvio and I are not surrounding Azel.

We move away from the crowd and engrave the image of God in our eyes from afar.

Silvio: You, prepare the service ticket, okay?

Emma: ...I don't understand.

Silvio: A loss is a loss. I said he would come, didn't I?

Emma: I admit defeat, but... what do you think he said to me at first?

Emma: He said, "Don't fall in love with me."

Silvio: Ah... he has terrible luck with women too. I understand how he feels.

Emma: After saying that himself, to come to the evening party...

Emma: I think it's really not right.

(If Silvio's guess is correct...)

Come to think of it, even though Azel doesn't mean to, he has a strangely unworldly air about him, and there have been many times when he's made my heart skip a beat.

(His lack of self-awareness is really troublesome. He's intelligent, but he's somehow clueless when it comes to dealing with people...)

As the one being toyed with, I can't stay calm.

Silvio: You can just ignore him. Or have you fallen for God too?

Emma: ...! No. I'm just lamenting the absurdity of it all.

Silvio: Ha, even your ears are red.

Emma: I drank some alcohol.

(...I'm just a little flustered.)

(That's all.)

Silvio teasingly pokes my ear, and I reflexively brush it away.

I glare at him, knowing it's disrespectful, and Silvio shifts his gaze, not at me--but further behind me...

Azel: Prince Silvio, are you enjoying our country's evening party?

(--...!?)

Before I knew it, God, who should have been surrounded by people, was standing behind me.

He places his hands on both my shoulders, and I jump in an exaggerated way.

Silvio: You should entertain the others instead of me. Everyone is eager to talk to ya, aren't they?

Azel: Of course, I'll talk to them, but...

Azel: Miss Emma, could you bring me a drink other than alcohol?

(...His voice is gentle, but...)

I secretly gasp, feeling an inexplicable pressure.

Emma: Are you... not good with alcohol?

Azel: No. It's just that a God doesn't drink alcohol.

(...I see.)

Emma: I'll bring it right away.

Silvio: Ask a maid.

Azel: Miss Emma is right next to me. Please.

(This is awkward.)

I rush away from Azel as if fleeing and look for a drink.

(Let's see, drinks other than alcohol...)

-

Azel: By the way, there's someone I'd like to introduce to Prince Silvio.

Azel: He's a rising star in our country's economic world, and will surely become a great merchant who will generate enormous wealth.

Azel: I think it wouldn't be a bad idea for Prince Silvio to make a connection with him now.

Silvio: For God to personally introduce someone? You're bein' awfully kind today.

Azel: I'm always kind to you, Prince Silvio.

Silvio: Ha, your intentions are obvious.

Azel: I suppose so. I just told you verbally.

Silvio: ...Well, fine. I'll let ya off the hook this time.

Silvio: I don't want to overdo it and earn your displeasure.

-

(...Found it.)

When I return with a container of water, Silvio has started drinking his second glass of alcohol with a young man.

Emma: Prince Azel.

Azel: Thank you.

Azel, receiving the water, looks at me for a moment as if he wants to say something, then turns his back.

Azel: Silvio seems busy, so you should go somewhere else.

Azel: Well then, I'll be going.

Azel returns to the circle of people and resumes his conversation.

Silvio also seems to be in a business discussion, and I'm left alone.

(...It seems like he only called out to me to separate me from Silvio.)

(No, I hope I'm just overthinking it.)

(If not...)

(God is too sinful.)

-

Azel: Ah, damn it, I can't take this anymore.

As soon as the evening party ends, Azel starts cursing.

He ignored me at the venue, but as soon as it was over, he caught me and dragged me into a guest room.

Emma: That's my line.

(I was planning to gather information at the venue, but I ended up being distracted by Azel.)

Azel: ...Are you angry about something?

Emma: Do you have any idea why I might be?

Azel: There's no way I would.

Emma: ...

Azel: Don't look at me with those reproachful eyes. Speak.

Emma: It's nothing. Please don't worry about it.

Azel: ...No, I can't help but worry...

Azel: In the first place, you're the one...

Azel, sitting on a long sofa by the window, points at me mercilessly.

Azel: What do you think you're doing, flirting with another man in public when you're obsessed with God?

Emma: I wasn't trying to flirt...

Azel: Yes, you were flirting. If you say that wasn't flirting, then what is?

(...Did I look that close to Silvio in Azel's eyes?)

Azel: If you get along with other men, the people around you might get the wrong idea and think you're no longer God's property.

Azel: It will only lead to trouble, so don't create unnecessary sparks.

(He has a point, but...)

Emma: Prince Azel... could you be jealous--

Azel: It's news to me that you have any value to be jealous of.

Azel overlaps my words as if to erase them.

His compassionate smile is nowhere to be found now.

Emma: Then why did you come to the evening party?

(I want a convincing explanation.)

Azel: I couldn't ignore it if Prince Silvio was going to participate, could I?

Azel: There was also someone I wanted to introduce to him for future purposes.

Emma: During the day, you were adamant about refusing.

Azel: I thought the wall repairs would take a long time, so I sent you away, but they finished earlier than expected, and I had free time.

Emma: ...

Azel: Ah, and also...

Azel puts his hand in his pocket and takes out a piece of paper.

(Ah, I forgot to collect that.)

In my line of sight, the free service ticket is waved back and forth.

Azel: I thought I'd take this after all.

Azel: You seem like the type who wouldn't listen even if you were in debt, right?

Azel: It's not a bad idea to have a ticket on hand to make you absolutely obey me at such times.

Emma: ...Promise you won't misuse it?

Azel: Me, misuse it? That's absurd.

(Maybe that was careless...)

Azel: Anyway, there were various advantages to showing up this time.

Azel: ...Judging from your face, Prince Silvio must have put some nonsense in your head...

Azel: Don't flatter yourself. I only act for my own benefit.

Azel: Certainly not because I was dissatisfied with Prince Silvio being your escort, or because I was interested in your dress...!

Azel: It's not for those reasons, so don't misunderstand.

Emma: I-I understand.

(But... why won't he meet my eyes?)

At first, I thought it was my imagination, but when I deliberately try to make eye contact, he blatantly avoids it.

Emma: ...Prince Azel?

Azel: I'm tired.

Emma: Is there a connection?

Azel: There is. Don't make me waste my energy on strange things.

(Being this unnatural makes me suspicious again.)

(Azel not meeting my eyes means he either has something to hide or he's embarrassed.)

Azel: Besides, why don't you get changed?

Azel looks out the window sulkily.

Emma: Of course, I'll change, but... I'm going to see Enis now.

Azel: Huh?

Emma: He might already be waiting for me, so I'll go ahead.

I turn around with lingering thoughts, but he quickly grabs my hand.

Azel: ...At night, alone?

Emma: Yes, alone.

Azel: Are you stupid? Enis is the master of the harem.

Emma: But you said that Enis is the best person to ask about the prophecy of the end...

Azel: That's true, but it's not.

(W-what does that mean?)

Just as silence falls, Azel stands up, scratching his hair.

Azel: I remembered something I need to do.

Emma: ...With Enis?

Azel: I couldn't talk to him properly at the evening party.

Emma: ...

Azel: What?

Emma: You're jealous after all--

I immediately cover my cheek with my hand, taking a defensive stance.

As expected, Azel's hand, which was about to pinch my cheek, is left hanging in the air.

(I won't fall for the same trick twice.)

Finally, I make proper eye contact with Azel.

His mystical eyes, filled with stars, are narrowed more unhappily than I expected--

Azel: ...Is that wrong?

.

.

.

Chapter 18

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Holy CRAP I was going to stop translating after Ch 16 for today, but I was way too intrigued with Silvio trying to make Azel jealous. My heart was beating out of my chest during this whole chapter omg I love jealous Azel!!!!

[allwormdiet]

Sentinel 9.2

Hey Flechette, glad to have you aboard, please mind the bloodthirsty coworker

Interesting way of greeting people, Sophia. At least she has the decency to apologize, eventually.

Also crazy good reflexes on Flechette, holy shit.

Somehow I doubt she's going to only be stuck here for a month

Also God, Sophia is such a tryhard, it's kinda funny when she's not trying to kill somebody about it

Fascinated by the idea that you can tell whether a cape is the type to run across rooftops by vibes.

More exposition, this one to explain Flechette's power and the associated power ratings. With this, I get how she was able to wreck Leviathan's shit better than basically anyone else, "borks physics on projectiles" is a massive benefit. Girl's busted.

Describing Brockton Bay as jerky, awkward, and demanding feels appropriate lmao

Also oh no why do the out of towners keep thinking they should connect with Shadow Stalker, she's like the least friendly one

"Gotta wait for them to obviously commit a crime so we can swing in and kick them in the teeth" - definitely not a cop

Oh yeah, no threat from tranquilizer bolts, except I guess the fucking broken glass that can get embedded in the flesh, Jesus Christ

This fight feels harsh, swift, these guys are going down fast and hard and there's already two nasty blows to the neck.

Speaking of harsh and brutal, Jesus. Sophia really likes to make people hurt, huh?

The restraint thing is cool, very Spider-Man, although hanging people upside-down for an extended period of time feels... dangerous.

Also yeah no kidding Sophia is too comfortable with violence

So, I'm going to sidestep the ethical dilemma of "should someone who was very nearly victimized be allowed to kick the shit out of the people who almost did awful things to them" because I think that's a pretty delicate and complicated topic

What I'm going to focus on instead is "should government-employed superheroes deliberately allow the above to happen," and I'm pretty sure the answer is no? This is an interesting glimmer of sympathy from Shadow Stalker but it's coming at the cost of the physical health of people she's responsible for taking down; even if they're shitheads, even if they were going to try to rape that woman, it doesn't look any better for Shadow Stalker that they're brutalized any further than what it took to incapacitate them

So how's it going trying to make a friend out of the girl that's your age

Shadow Stalker literally calls herself a cop! She says it! And then she throws on "judge, jury, and executioner" just to really drive the point home! Protectorate heroes and Wards have the room to treat themselves as goddamn Judge Dredd in times of emergency, either because of tacit approval by their superiors or because of insufficient oversight! Both options are bad!

Flechette is smart enough to distance herself at least

The only real rebuke against Shadow Stalker's whole deal is that nobody who knows her especially likes her

Let's not shame a man for knowing things about dolls, hmm? We can do better than that

The detail about what a parian doll is is kinda neat though

Also very neat that she's a fashion student using her superpowers to make herself stand apart from her peers

That could've gone really poorly, holy shit

Goddamn, Parian takes this seriously.

Well, glad she's finding someone to connect with at least, for all that Shadow Stalker was a bust.

Being a conflict-avoidant parahuman has to fucking suck, good lord. No wonder Parian's on edge, she's acting as muscle for an entire group of survivors and probably on call the entire day, and she hates every second of it.

And so a spark is struck.

Wonder why Parian is dressing up to look white. Further obfuscation of her identity? Makes as much sense as anything.

At least Flechette is wringing some kind of benefit out of this ass assignment

Current Thoughts

Nice to more officially meet the both of these characters. Flechette seems nice and has a neat power, Parian seems nice and has a neat power. Wild to me that they're gonna be like, the token wlw couple in this story, there's already so much tension involving Taylor and other girls.

Shadow Stalker basically told on herself this chapter and will continue to tell on herself for the rest of the arc

[alpaca-clouds]

Why human culture became monogamous

Let me talk about one thing: The reason for the prevailance of monogamy these days. Because I think a lot of people are not quite aware of this.

If you are monogamous, this is not a slight against you - it is simply about the history of it.

Because here is the thing: Homo Sapiens as a species is not monogamous. And all that we can say about our biology so far is, that we are not even a seasonally monogamous species.

To explain: There are species, that are monogamous, or seasonally monogamous. In a monogamous species, animals mate for life. And once they have mated, they will not be interested in any other animal anymore. We actually see this behavior most often in different birds, like some swans and penguins.

There are also species, who are seasonally monogamous. Again, this is mostly seen in birds. Seasonally monogamous species mate once per mating circle and then again do not experience any interest in potential other partners.

The reason that this is mostly seen in birds is probably an evolutionary adaption based on the fact that with birds at least one partner needs to keep the eggs warm, so that the other partner needs to bring in food to the nest.

Homo Sapiens meanwhile are not that. Homo Sapiens do experience attraction to people other than their current partner. And in fact there is a lot of biological evidence, that biologically speaking we have evolved to live in groups and within these groups just fuck whoever.

Biologists have pointed out that the fact that our bodies produce oxytocine in response to sex, which builds trust and produces generally positive feelings towards others. This does seem like an evolutionary adaption to produce closer knit groups.

We can say this, because we can see the same in bonobos - one of our closest relatives in the animal kingdom.

Biologists also assume, that our moaning during sex is actually an adaption to invite others to join us.

And of course we do just know that we will just randomly fall in love and feel attracted to other people independent of our romantic status right now.

So, why is our society geared towards monogamy?

The answer is simply: Patriarchy.

See, monogamy is mostly a result of the patriarchy. Which is also why monogamy mostly sprang up in patriarchal cultures, while not being that prevalent in matriarchal or more egalitarian cultures.

Patriarchy only emerged once we settled down and started owning land. Why exactly it sprang up, we do not really know, but we do know that it ran into one problem: It relied on the patrilinear succession and inheritance. And that is a bit more complicated than matrilinear succession, right?

Because a woman will always know who her children are. It is quite easy to know, given that the woman is the one pressing the child out of her uterus.

A man meanwhile? Well, he cannot know who his children are in a world before paternity tests. At least not unless he makes sure that the woman birthing the child has slept with nobody but him. And hence: Monogamy. At least enforced monogamy for women.

This is also what led to all those other ways of men controlling women. Controlling how they dress and shaming them for whatever thing they might do, that men find attractive. Because it all has to do with this patriarchal fear of not knowing whether a child is yours or not.

Of course it has to be noted that originally this only led to polygyny. So a man, who would take several wives, but control the wives so that they would not sleep with another men. But we do assume these days, that the reason it led to monogamy was, that polygyny made the societies too instable, because it would naturally mean, that some men would not have any women and that was not good.

Hence... Monogamy was what people started to settle on more and more. Including this idea that men somehow owned women.

If you feel more comfortable with monogamy... Sure, fine. Good for you. But I think we really should speak more openly about the fact, that monogamy is something that is based completely in the patriarchy and in the end mostly exists to suppress women. For no other reason.

[serenasoutherlyns]

have my cake/eat it too

Cabenson, mature. ao3

Alex Cabot was going to drive her insane. She knew it must be happening, but she didn’t need to see it with her own two eyes. Alex at the bar next to some woman, Olivia couldn’t place where she recognized her from. She had dark features-- like Olivia herself. Alex wore that blue silk dress that exposed just the right amount of skin, her collarbones, her elegant shoulders. She had worn that dress on a particularly enjoyable date. She had her hair curled and pulled half back. Olivia felt her ears burn, and left. Whatever, right? It’s not like she owned her. Technically, they weren’t even together, right now. It wasn’t like Olivia wasn’t doing it too. She still felt sharp, twisting anger.

Callie was a journalist she knew. She had short brown hair that was showing early signs of gray at the temples. Shorter than Olivia, and curvy. Olivia called her and was unsurprised at her immediate answer, nor how she came over within the half-hour. Olivia kissed her with energy, nipping, sucking. Callie matched her intensity all night and left as fast as she came. Olivia couldn’t help falling asleep with Alex’s lithe body filling her head. It made her sick.

---

At work, she tried her best to act normal, professional. Alex was cold and simple in their conversations: did you get the file, what did the suspect’s lawyer say, good job on the witness stand. Olivia was similar. Despite this, there was a simmering tension that Munch picked up on. What was going on, he wanted to know. Olivia brushed it off as nothing. Munch was less than satisfied. What’s more, Alex didn’t stop driving her crazy. Olivia found herself nearly salivating at Alex’s tight sweaters and the way she would tuck her hair behind her ears, at the click of her heels on the cement floors of the precinct. She wanted her so bad. But they weren’t together. Right now. It was just too complicated-- they had agreed on this.

It was good to know she still had it, Olivia thought, after picking up a stranger at the lesbian bar one night. The woman was tall and blonde, but Olivia justified it with the fact that they looked nothing alike in the face. Olivia was on autopilot, this time, her mind swimming with Alex, Alex, Alex.

---

They couldn’t avoid working late together forever. Olivia couldn’t help herself: she brought it up.

“I saw you, at Penelope’s. With a woman,” Olivia mentioned in a quiet moment. Alex sighed back.

“I thought we were sticking to work at work,” was her reply.

“It’s not like we talk outside of work,” Olivia said.

“That’s true. Why do you care that I had drinks with a woman?”

“I think you could guess, Alex.”

“We’re not together, Olivia.” Olivia looked at her with what she could only imagine was seething anger, because Alex seemed taken aback for a moment, then she smiled. “You agreed, it’s too complicated.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t need to see it.”

“It’s not like I meant for you to,” said Alex, laughing with indignation.

“I mean, she looked like me, Alex, just say you want me back.”

“No,” said Alex. “Now can we get back to work?”

“Fine,” said Olivia, “fine.”

She didn’t mean for Rollins to be one of them, but she was unsurprisingly insistent and tipsy when she called, and Olivia was just horny enough to let her come over. She wondered if it had been a spur of the moment decision for the other detective or if she had a crush. She didn’t care that much. So much for limiting complications, so much for not sleeping with her coworkers-- whatever. Things would be fine, they were both adults.

The woman was surprisingly gentle, though clumsy. Olivia got her into bed giggling. A reddish-purple spot bloomed on Amanda’s neck, and Olivia found she didn’t regret it. Amanda wore a comfortable-looking gray turtleneck to work the next day, and they shared a little knowing glance.

---

Jack McCoy was running for reelection again, and Olivia wasn’t surprised to get an invite to the big fundraiser downtown. The campaign rented some big hotel ballroom. It was a little gauche, but that was to be expected. She appreciated the excuse to dress up a little, and the excuse to bring a date. Amanda was as easy as anyone else. They had talked about their rendez-vous, and decided to leave it at once, but she didn’t mind her company for a night out. She really didn’t regret it when she saw the scowl on Alex’s face when she saw the two of them sharing a joke.

“Counselor,” said Amanda, who knew nothing about the situation, beyond rumors. “Bad hors d'oeuvres?” Those cop manners, Olivia cursed.

“Hi, Detective,” Alex said curtly, not answering her question. “How are you doing?” The words were cold and slicing. Olivia got some satisfaction out of it. Jealousy was a two-way street, it seemed.

“I’m alright,” said Amanda. “Liv tried to class me up for the night.”

“I see that,” said Alex.

“It didn’t take,” said Amanda, “it usually doesn’t.” She let out her charming grin, and Alex’s expression soured even further.

“I think you look lovely,” said Olivia, playing into the game. She almost saw Alex roll her eyes. “Darling.”

“Well, nice to see you, detectives,” Alex said before pretending to see someone across the room and striding off with purpose. Olivia watched her walk away.

“What the hell is her deal?” Amanda asked her when she was (barely) out of earshot.

“Oh,” said Olivia, “my guess is bad hors d'oeuvres.”

---

Olivia pulled Alex in by her waist, kissed her with intention, though languidly, lips moving slowly, enjoying every millimeter of her, every little movement. Alex moaned softly, and it sent a shiver through Olivia. Alex’s soft hands interlaced behind Olivia’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer, letting Olivia’s tongue into her mouth, exploring the familiar space eagerly. They dropped down onto the couch and their hands roamed more, eventually, Olivia’s hand was hot under Alex’s shirt, feeling urgently. Alex moaned again, louder this time, and Olivia needed the fabric gone. Without even telling her to, Alex pulled the thin v-neck over her head. Olivia kissed her shoulder, then looked up, making eye contact with her, admiring her kiss-swollen lips and glassy eyes.

Her alarm went off. Olivia blinked in the early morning dark. She couldn’t shake it off all day.

---

Olivia was incensed. This was her coffee shop, she had been the one to introduce Alex to it. And here she was, with Abbie Carmichael. How dare she, honestly. Olivia was just trying to enjoy her Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t even some stranger like last time, but someone they both knew. She must be visiting from Washington. Olivia didn’t want to talk to them, but Abbie stopped her.

“Liv, hey,” she said in that raspy drawl of hers, “long time no see.”

“Abbie,” Olivia said, trying to keep the contempt out of her voice. “It’s nice to see you.” Alex was staring into her mug like it was going to tell her what to do. “How’s Washington?”

“Busy,” said Abbie with a laugh. “Crazy.”

“Better to be busy than idle,” Olivia said. Alex looked up. Her face was pink.

“That’s what my mother says,” said Abbie. “We should get drinks while I’m here.”

“That sounds like a great time,” said Olivia. “Well, nice to see you two,” said Olivia, and waved. As she left, she shot a look back at the table. Alex had a hand on her forehead.

---

“Olivia, can I talk to you?” Alex asked that Monday. Olivia expected it to be work, but it wasn’t. Alex walked into her office and crossed her arms in front of her. “What the fuck is your problem, Olivia?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, fake-oblivious.

“Bullshit,” said Alex. “You know I wasn’t even on a date with Abbie? That was just friendly. You embarrassed me in front of a friend, it was so out of line!” Alex’s voice was a whisper but she may as well have been yelling.

“Out of line is you interrogating my date at the fundraiser,” said Olivia.

“Yeah, because you were being so mature.” Olivia scoffed at her.

“Why do you even care?” Said Olivia. “What’s your problem, Alex?”

“You’ve been trying to make me jealous.”

“I haven’t, but good to know that you are,” said Olivia. At that moment she realized they were inches away from each other. Her eyes flitted to Alex’s lips, then her eyes, briefly to her hands. She opened her mouth to talk, but was cut off by Alex kissing her. It was a quick but intense kiss. They were lucky it was late because Alex’s blinds weren’t closed. Olivia pulled her in again and Alex let out a muffled mmph sound.

“You’re,” said Alex breathily, pulling back, “You’re infuriating.”

“Then go,” said Olivia. “If I piss you off so bad.”

“It’s my office,” said Alex.

“True,” said Olivia, who dropped Alex’s hand and turned to go. Alex gripped her stronger. “Do you want me?” said Olivia, her tone a mile away from moments ago.

“Desperately,” said Alex. “Do you know how, how mad I’ve been?” She laughed a little.

“I think I have some idea,” said Olivia.

---

“So, do you think it’s too complicated still?” said Alex in the morning.

“No,” said Olivia, “I think you’re worth any complication.”

“Sap,” said Alex, kissing her shoulder.

“What time is it?” Olivia asked. Alex rolled over to look at the clock.

“7:30,” she said.

“Good,” murmured Olivia, “plenty of time.”

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Can we ask for more info on Tomas mother?

Whats her name? What’s she like, does she still care and love Tomas?, is it possible to help Tomas and her reconcile?

Her name is Veronica Angelina de Alamilla, long as hell name but that's upper class Castelliones for you.

Veronica is very... proper. I think that's a good word for her; she is always sitting straight, speaks with a polite tone, and dresses like old royalty. The thing is, she was always the perfect pawn of her own family and was well aware of it. Her family is also a very old one but didn't quite have the same land and the wealth as Tomás's father did.

The Vasquez's were a well off, old, respectable, and most importantly; a dying house with only two family members of the main branch left. Veronica's family saw an opportunity and sent their eldest daughter to woo him, when she succeeded they were quickly wed. Only problem was that the Alamilla's thought they could easily control Tomás's father, mold him to do what they wanted because he was young and had little family left. What they didn't know was that he was a proud and loving man that wanted to take care of his wife and live their own lives, respectfully apart from his in laws.

He didn't see the marriage as a full merger of their families like Veronica did, but rather; all he saw was a beautiful woman who loved him and he swore to marry her and take care of her for the rest of his life. He wanted them to make their own life, independent from politics and... nagging extended family members. He would often tell her that she while he understands they are family, he and how many ever children they have is now her immediate family. That she needed to let go of being so directly attached to the Alamilla's, that she is a Vasquez now.

Veronica's own emotions are complicated, she often ignores her feelings entirely and deeply enjoys being the 'good daughter', the example, the prize of the Alamilla's. Their best asset.

Tomás's father was just a tool to her at first, she was just doing her duty by swaying him into favoring her above his other potential suitors. Not that he really knew that he had any others, as soon as Veronica set her eyes on him many women knew better than to even try. She has a serious reputation among Castellion circles, one that paints her both as an exemplary noble woman and a terrifying, vindictive, manipulator. She was very surprised by just how genuine and lovingly her husband was to her, it made things complicated.

There is more to that, but I'll save it for Tomás's storyline lol.

As for if MC can help reconcile him and his mom, they can certainly try! Whether it changes Tomás's mind or if MC would even want to after knowing the full story of everything she did, is the real question!

[fryandleelasbigfling]

i think leela deserves more appreciation than she gets.

i mean obviously there’s the people who just kind of degrade her into a pinup girl, we can all agree that’s lousy. but i think even a lot of good natured fans will write her off as the no-nonsense straight man to fry and bender, the “one with the braincell,” the one who has everything together and isn’t really willing to get silly like the boys. 

and yeah that can be true, especially in earlier seasons. but i think people underappreciate leela’s development and the fact she really is a messed-up, complicated, weird woman. 

for one thing, her kickass fighting abilities are well understood, but her kung-fu skill emerged as a way to work out her anger from being bullied, so she often resorts to violence as a defense mechanism even when it isn’t necessarily needed. in “hell is other robots” she gets freaked out by the mosh pit and beats up the other concertgoers, “bender’s game” is about how her anger can overtake her and even being punished for violence won’t faze her, and in “lethal inspection” she outright admits violent outbursts are how she copes with mortality. “anthology of interest 1″ shows that she will descend into a murderous rampage at the slightest provocation if she had just a bit worse impulse control. 

she’s also really stubborn! like, she will have a full-on mental breakdown if someone insists she can’t do something, because she has such an issue with being treated as unwanted and “worthless” that she needs to prove herself as highly capable of anything. "the sting," “mobius dick” and “bender’s game” are both great examples, as is the back half of “bender’s big score” -- note the sharp turn from “happy, calm, in love, willing to let other people handle the situation” to “insists on taking charge, kicking ass, and self-isolating” after lars leaves her at the altar. 

also as great as it is that she’s more organized than fry, this veers into some weird habits like freezing all her dinners a month in advance and having a very minimalist apartment for a while. this plays into how anxious she gets about taking risks. she is very pedantic about grammar and can get ridiculously overzealous about keeping her crew safe and healthy. however she gets bored and frustrated when she doesn’t have excitement in her life. 

she is very bad at organizing papers, preferring to just hide things away even when they become too big to ignore (symbolic!), completely failing when she steps in for hermes in “lethal inspection.” she also forgot to vote despite preaching about it all episode in “a head in the polls.” she is not as infallible as she wants people to believe! she just tries harder to justify it to herself than others, because she also has a severe guilt complex -- if she admits to herself that she did something wrong, she feels she needs to be punished.

she has a lonely, mundane home life. she can struggle with creativity and settle on an unexciting option (i.e. wanting to use superpowers for “humdrum activities” in “less than hero”), which is where fry’s tendency to blurt out any idea that comes to mind comes in handy. 

despite being fairly fashionable, she sometimes struggles with traditional femininity. not just bc of her attitude and mutations but also her feet and breath stink lmao. she also has a bit of a potty mouth and has said “fuck” (bleeped out) in at least three episodes. she's a terrible singer (despite katey herself being a great singer).

she is implied to have a “hedonistic” past and used to drive around in a mausoleum as a teenager. she went to her prom alone with a dress made of carpet remains. she dropped out and “bummed around india for a while” after college. 

she has a massive soft spot for animals, including “gross” ones like leeches, and despite all her violence, she usually backs down if it means a (perceived) innocent animal will be hurt. this can sometimes backfire on her (i.e. “into the wild green yonder”). she is very protective and empathetic towards living creatures, probably cuz she never had anybody looking out for her. she likes to read books about animals to relax. 

she regularly visits the orphanarium and is very concerned with being a good role model for those kids, emphasizing especially with sally. it is repeatedly implied in the (admittedly semi-canon) comics that she wants to be a mother. 

she plays with her hair when she’s nervous or flirty. she had an anxiety attack and physically froze up when she thought a mutant was stalking her. she had a bedwetting problem as a child and even her warden still holds it over her head. 

she has repressed mental illness related to her lack of family growing up  and has a desperate need for companionship, but sets high standards so she won’t get her heart broken first. whenever she’s single, she is very cynical about love and doesn’t do well seeing happy couples. 

she seems very obsessed with normality and stability which is why she often seeks men of high status to date, even if they turn out to be jerks. however, she outgrows this after meeting her family, as she becomes extremely attached to them despite their low status and embraces her mutant culture quickly. 

her mutations are not limited to her eye. she not only has a whole episode about her now-cured genetic mutant disease, but she occasionally lays an egg and has talons on her elbows. depending on the episode, she can be quite disabled by her single eye due to her lack of depth perception. there’s also the singing boil but that episode sucks lol

she also can get really horny lol. once she’s dating fry steadily, she tends to initiate things a lot more, even in public. i think it’s sometimes more of a fanservice thing but it’s always funny to see her so down bad, especially in the comedy central era

she likes bender because of his “in your face attitude” and often has a playful dynamic with him despite disapproving of his lack of morals. she doesn’t like amy a lot of the time but they can get along and comfort each other when the time is needed. i’m not even getting into her and fry because that’s its own post.

overall i just love leela a lot, she’s such a weird, complicated, fascinating character and i could go on about her All Day. 

[shipmistress9]

Fool me once... - A 'made to Order' story

The rating for this one changed!

Rating: M

Fandom: The Empyrean - Fourth Wing

Pairing: Riorgail - Xaden/Violet

Summary: This is a follow-up to my fic 'Made to Order'. I recommend reading that one first as this is basically just an epilogue/extra to that story.

Six months have passed since 'the wedding'. Violet and Xaden are happy together, have grown into their relationship, and are about to take the next step. Then another formal even brings back bad memories for Violet, and she finally confides into Xaden about what happened all those months ago.

. o O o .

“Tell me again,” I mutter as I try for the fifth time to bind this cursed bow tie. “Why do we have to go to Dain’s wedding again?” Honestly, this is ridiculous. How hard can it be to bind one stupid knot?

With her lips pressed together to keep herself from grinning, Violet steps in front of me and reaches to do the tie for me. “It’s not—there you go—not his wedding again. It’s the six month anniversary of their wedding.”

There’s a snort coming from the living room, and I can only agree with Liam’s assessment. “This is ridiculous,” I grumble. “Who celebrates their wedding day with an equally big party as the wedding itself, let alone an even more formal one? Let alone the six month anniversary?”

Violet sighs, and I can’t blame her. It’s not like we didn’t have this conversation a few times already. I just… still don’t get it.

“Well… basically, it’s not the anniversary we’re celebrating, I guess,” Violet explains with admirable patience, especially since I know how annoyed she is about today’s event, too. “It’s a charity event and they just picked this reason to make it more interesting, make it stand out.”

Okay, that does make sense. Kind of. A little bit.

“And why do we have to go, then? It’s not like I have any money to donate.” Besides, there’s a lot of things I’d prefer instead of going to a stuffy pompous black tie event. Even though I have to admit… the last time I attended one of Dain’s ‘weddings’, it didn’t end so badly.

Violet stretches onto the toes of her high heels to place a quick kiss onto my lips. “Because as Dain’s Best Woman, I’m expected to make an appearance, and as the great boyfriend you are, you agreed to accompany me even though we both know it’ll be boring as fuck.”

A sly smile spreads across my face and I wrap an arm around her waist to keep her close. “I don’t think fucking is boring. In fact…” I let my hand glide down to her sweet ass and squeeze.

For a moment, Violet’s eyes spark with interest, her hips grinding against me. But then she sighs and pushes herself away from me. “Tempting. But that’ll have to wait for later. We really should get going now.”

A shame, really. But she’s right. And I even get why she has to go to this party. Family ties can be complicated, and the least I can do is support her.

We leave my bedroom—or does it count as our bedroom with how much time she’s spending here?—and enter the spacious living area. Liam is lounging on the sofa, a gaming controller in his hands, and I feel a pang of envy at his comfortable clothes. Stupid bow tie and smoking…

At the sound of Violet’s ridiculous shoes, he looks up and lets out an impressed whistle. “Wow, you look amazing in that dress.”

“I’ll try to not take that as an insult.” She mock-purses her lips, then grins. “But thanks. I certainly think this dress suits me much better than the one I wore to the last wedding.”

Liam smirks. “Very true. Hopefully, it won’t suffer the same fate.”

“Yeah, that would be a shame. I like this dress.”

I roll my eyes. They’re never going to let me live that down…

But I have to give Liam this much, Violet really does look abso-fucking-lutely amazing. In contrast to the ugly bridesmaid dress she was roped in to wear even as Dain’s Best Woman—and that didn’t survive that night—today, she wears an elegant black gown. The backless top is designed to look like overlapping leaves—as if just begging me to peel the whole thing off her—and the lower part is a skirt made of the finest silk—which I know for a fact would be entirely see-through if it weren’t for the countless layers used here. Her hair looks gorgeous, too, but it always does. Today, she wears it not in some intricate crown, though. Instead, it hangs freely down over her back and shoulders, and one could think she didn’t put any effort into her hairstyle. But I know that she spent over an hour in the bathroom earlier to get it to look smooth as silk like this. Personally, I prefer this over the braided crown. It further highlights the bladelike silver her hair fades into—and I know she wears it like this to stick it to her vain mum just as much as for my sake.

There’s so much I learned about her during these last months, and every tiny detail has made me love her even more. She hasn’t said it back yet, but that's okay. I don’t know what exactly happened between her and Dain before his wedding, but I know it left her deeply hurt. And if she needs time to heal and to settle into her new life—our new life—then I don’t mind giving her this time. After all, she decided to move in with Liam and me to occupy one of the many additional rooms when she just as easily could have afforded another flat on her own. She wants to be here, be with me. That’s all I need to know.

“Let’s leave,” I sigh, taking my coat and handing Violet hers before I forget all obligations and maybe break in her future room again. “After all, we mustn’t miss the stupidity of celebrating the six month anniversary of the wedding of the decade.”

“Speaking of stupidity,” Liam pipes up, mirth saturating his voice. “Do you remember that one time you spent two months moping around because you didn’t think of asking one simple question?”

Oh, Dunne, help me. This is another point he’s never going to let me live down, and… I can’t even blame him for it. Or for bringing it up today as it’s not just the anniversary of the wedding itself. But at least this one isn’t my fault alone.

“How was I supposed to know she wasn’t organising her own wedding?” I throw my hands up.

Violet snorts, but she really played her own part in that misunderstanding. “How was I supposed to know you were actively avoiding the very public headlines about Dain’s wedding? They were on the front page of every social magazine, on the radio, and all over the city, as well. For weeks!”

I grimace. “I… didn’t want to hear or read anything about you marrying someone else,” I mutter. Fuck, who would have thought that my utter lack in interest in any social gossip would ever fuck me over like that.

Violet snorts again, shaking her head, but I see the soft smile she gives me, see the emotions brimming in her eyes. And from one moment to the other, I don’t mind the teasing any more. Because she’s worth every moment of suffering.

Over on his place on the sofa, Liam groans and very pointedly picks his gaming controller back up. “You two really deserve each other.”

With a subtle motion, Violet leans her head against my arm, maybe in response to Liam’s words. And honestly? I really hope he’s right.

. o O o .

On the way to the town hall, Violet’s mood shifts. The closer we get the quieter she becomes, her lips press into a thin line, and her knuckles stand out white from how hard she’s gripping the steering wheel.

“Is… everything okay?”

Violet makes a little distressed noise in the back of her throat. “Later.”

Swallowing, I lean back into my seat. I can accept that, let her work through it until she’s ready to talk to me. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

It doesn’t get better when we enter the town hall, Violet’s hand trembling as she shows off our invitation. She’s practically clinging to my arm. But at least she doesn’t need to focus on the road anymore. Once inside, we mingle a bit, Violet slipping into the role her mother drilled into her, chatting amicably with wealthy businessmen, high-ranking military, and even some members of the nobility. But even though she doesn’t let anything show, I can still feel the tension in her, growing with every minute. And it gets worse when the rumour spreads that the ‘wedding couple’ finally arrived.

Violet grows pale and quiet, even more so than before. And then she bolts.

She murmurs a quick “I’m sorry!”, then she slips through a side door and it’s all I can do to muffle a low curse and go after her. Following her harsh breathing, I find her around a corner. She’s leaning against a wall, eyes closed and visibly shaking.

Slowly, I approach her. “Vi? What’s up? Talk to me, please.”

“It’s nothing,” she sobs. “I’m fine. I… I’m not hurt or ill or anything. I just… just need a minute?”

With my lips pressed into a thin line, I nod. From how she looks, I guess she’ll need more than just one minute, but I know exactly where she can get as much time as she needs.

“Come.” I hold out my hand and pull her along when she takes it. I’ve been here often enough by now to at least remember the rough outlay of the servant routes. So it only takes me a minute to locate who I was looking for, her pink hair standing out where she directs her subordinates.

“Imogen?”

She finishes giving an order to a group of waiters, then turns toward me. At first, an expression of suppressed exasperation crosses her face, thinking I’m just a guest who got lost. Then she recognises me. “Xaden! On the other side of the fun for once? How’s it going?”

I grimace and ward off her attempt at brief small talk with a shake of my head. “I’m sorry, but could you give me the key to the preparations room? She needs a few minutes.”

The smile on Imogen’s face falters as she looks at Violet behind me and sees how she’s still shaking. “Of course.” She pulls the key from her pocket. “Take as much time as you need. We won’t be needing that room today anymore.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

Another minute or so later, I close the door to the preparations room and lock it. “Okay,” I murmur as I turn towards her. “We’re alone. What do you need? Just a little time? Should I leave as well?”

Violet is still shaking and clearly having a hard time focusing on anything. But she still shakes her head. “Don’t leave me alone,” she gasps and wraps her arms around my torso, her face buried against my chest.

“Alright.” I close my arms around her. “It’s okay. I won’t go anywhere. Just… just breathe. Calm down. We have all the time in the world.”

For a little while, we just stand like this. Just her in my arms, her shoulders heaving from her erratic breathing. Just me soothingly rubbing her back, her shoulders, and murmuring calming words. But then, she shakes her head, frantically. “I can’t. Calm down. My head just keeps whirling.” She sucks in a shaky breath, her hand tightening at my back. “Can you… distract me?”

She looks up at me and I see it in her eyes, the plea, what she means.

I suck in a breath, but nod. I’d do anything for her. Looking around, I guide her over to the sitting area at the far side of the room, sitting down on a cushions sofa and position her on top of me, one leg on each side of mine, her skirts pushed up to her waist and fanning out over our legs.

“Like this?” I murmur as I guide her head to rest against my shoulder, and she nods wordlessly.

I start simple, just further caressing her bare back, then her neck, her sides. When she starts to relax, I grow bolder and run my hands down to her waist, the small of her back, her ass. Violet gasps but only pushes into my touch, wanting more. So I wiggle one arm between us to lightly caress her through her underwear, then press a little harder when she mewls for more. I build her up slowly, gradually, thoroughly taking her mind away from whatever is bothering her until she can focus on nothing but what my fingers do to her. Only when she can’t stop mewling, her fingers digging tightly into my shoulders, I slip my hand beneath the fabric of her panties and touch her like she needs me to. With two fingers hooked inside her, I grind my palm against her, pushing her higher as Violet rolls her hips into my touch. Then she breaks, beautifully, her moan muffled against my neck.

I push her through it and only when she stops quaking in my arms do I pull my hand away, careful not to stain her dress or my fancy trousers.

“Better?” I murmur once her breathing evened out again.

Violet hums, cuddling against my shoulder. “Yeah. Thank you. Do you want me to…”

I chuckle. “I’m more than okay with waiting until later.” I place a soft kiss against her forehead. “So, what was this all about?” I ask, my fingers running calmly up and down her spine after I cleaned them on a paper tissue from a nearby box.

She tenses, but only a tiny bit, not enough to raise my alarms again. “I… didn’t want to see Dain and Amber again. Couldn’t at that moment.”

I nod. So it really was about him. “Do you still have feelings for him?” I wouldn’t blame her if she did. She’d been in love with Dain for nearly her entire life. Such feelings don’t just evaporate overnight.

Letting out a little snort, Violet shakes her head, then sits up straighter to look at me. “No, I don’t have feelings for Dain anymore,” she says, and the expression on her face as her eyes keep me prisoner, so full of warmth and emotions, makes something inside me melt. “I… I’m more than happy with how things are now. Between us, you and me. With… where it’s going, moving in and everything.”

Her fingers absentmindedly trace along my jaw, my lips, leaving a tingling trail in their wake. I close my eyes to enjoy her soft touch, but then wrap my hand around hers, making her pause. “But?” I probe gently. I need to know what upset her so much, if only to help her avoid it in the future.

Sighing, Violet lets her forehead rest against my own. “But… the idea of seeing him again—seeing them again—after their six month honeymoon, it brought back everything that happened eight months ago, everything I felt back then, what happened before that. And it just… it was just too much.”

She grows tenser again, but I don’t do or say anything, just hold her, and after a few seconds, she relaxes again.

“Did I ever tell you what happened?”

I shake my head. “Do you want to tell me?”

Violet lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I think I should. It might take a while, though.”

At that, I grin. “I’m in no hurry to get back out there.”

We get more comfortable on the sofa, Violet with her legs tugged to her side as she leans onto the low headrest and me sitting sideways to face her, one knee angled towards her. Her shoes are on the floor, my jacket is hanging over a nearby chair, and I even found a couple of glasses and cool water for us to drink.

“So… I told you that Dain and I have known each other since we were little, yes?” she begins, running her finger through the condensed water on her glass.

Taking a sip from my own, I nod. “Yeah, since you two were five and six, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” She gives me a small smile. “And we’ve been inseparable ever since. Always sticking together, during classes and our free time alike. We went on ‘adventures’ around where his parents and my mum were stationed, always finding some places to swim or climb or caves to explore. My body is prone to giving out on me, as you know, stupid joints and ligaments, so every time I sprained an ankle or something, he was the one to escort me to the closest paramedic, carrying me there as soon as he was strong enough for that. He always looked out for me and in return I helped and explained whenever he had a problem in school. We… we were a good match.

“When I was around eight years old, I think, some other kid tried to be mean and made a comment about how Dain should marry me, the weakling, with how pathetic we both were. And, well, that thought got stuck in my head. It made sense, didn’t it? I didn’t know anything about love or sex, but just spending my life with my best friend—like how my parents also seemed to be such good friends—seemed like the way to go. So, yeah, it made sense. And I… knew that would be where we were heading, the only possible conclusion.

“It became even clearer when I realised he felt the same. For my tenth birthday, he gave me that ring. Apparently, he’d seen it in a shop and the ‘silver’ look of the stainless steel and the diamond-like glass stone reminded him of me. Or that’s what he said later. That it made him think of my hair and of how I could be and do so much more than our parents and the doctors insisted upon. So much more capable than just the sum of my weak body. Anyway, he fulfilled a few extra duties for his father to ‘earn’ himself the money to buy that ring and then gave it to me as a birthday gift. I liked it a lot, but Mira just laughed. You know how she’s never one to mince her words. So in all her teenager grandeur, she explained to us what it means when someone gifts someone else a ring. She meant to embarrass Dain and me. But unflappable and practical as he was—even at eleven years old—he didn’t let her make fun of him and instead went down on his knee and made a big show of proposing to me. It was a lot of fun, especially when Mira rolled her eyes and stomped away. We laughed and I think I made some comment about how that was a great joke. ‘Who said it was a joke?’ That was his reply. I still have it memorised, still hear him say it in my head.

“In the years after that, it came up again every now and then—the occasional amused comment about how we were already engaged, after all. We were each other’s first kiss when I was fourteen, and each other’s first time two years later with many more afterwards, even though we never talked about it, never used terms like boyfriend and girlfriend, never even decided to be exclusive. We both had crushes on other people, occasionally, but it never lasted long. Either because they felt weirded out by our close friendship or because we found that we were drawn to each other more than to that other new person. After all, we were already engaged. We could fool around and gather experience, but would always end up together anyway.

“We ‘took the next step’ so to speak when we moved to this town after high school to attend college. He even waited a year so we could do this together. We didn’t quite move in together, but we got apartments right next to each other, and with how much time we spent together, it felt very much like living together. We still never talked about the state of our relationship, but it wasn’t necessary. Not when I stopped sleeping with others, felt comfortable and at home with Dain. And he never had any visitors, either, I would have noticed that with the thin walls between our apartments. We’d spend most nights together, most of our free time, too. We even went on vacations together, and…” Her voice falters for the first time since she started her story, and she has to swallow before she can go on. “And it was clear that there was only him and me. Or that’s what I thought…”

Violet takes a sip from her water, probably to cover up how she’s blinking away the moisture in her eyes, but I see it anyway. And I feel the urge to go out there and punch Dain in the face. I don’t know yet what exactly happened, but can make a guess.

“At that point,” Violet continues after a short pause. “We never talked about being engaged anymore. It was childish on the one hand and unnecessary on the other. Because it was clear, wasn’t it? Even the friends we made during that time clearly saw what was between us. Cianna, Nyra, Amber. They would always tease us about how we already acted like a married couple, ordering food for the other or completing each other’s sentences. We just knew each other in and out. Which is why I also knew why he never actually said that he loved me or why I never said those words to him, either. His father had taught him that talking is worthless, only actions count. And we showed that we were special to each other every day, so that was enough.” Violet sniffles, and when I reach for her hand, she takes it, squeezing me tightly. “Gods, in hindsight, I was such an idiot.”

I grunt, anger simmering beneath the surface. “He let you go. So, evidently, he’s the idiot.”

Violet lets out a weak chuckle, shaking her head, then continues. “It was after we both graduated. I… expected that we would get married soon then and start our shared life for real. But I also got this offer to work abroad, a fantastic chance to gather experience and build connections. I talked about it with Dain, that I wanted to do it but was worried, too. It would be the first time we’d be separated for more than a couple of days. And he was so sweet. He encouraged me to not waste this chance. That it would be fine. That he would always be there for me, that we could continue like before once I came back. Besides, we could make phone calls, every day if that was what I wanted. So that’s what we did. We talked every day, at least in the beginning. We tried phone sex but dropped that after only one try. It didn’t feel right for him.”

I grit my teeth. From what I already learned about Dain and his… preferences, this doesn’t even surprise me. But still, fuck him.

“After the first month, or so, the phone calls grew gradually less frequent until we only talked once a week by the end. It wasn’t like much happened, anyway, it was always just the same. Just me talking about my work while he listened, too tired from his day to say much. I was more looking forward to finally seeing him again, to start our shared life. Especially since he’d teased that there was something important he had to tell me once I was back. Something important to ask me.”

“Let me guess,” I say through gritted teeth. “It wasn’t the official proposal you expected?”

Violet laughs, short and humourlessly. “No, it wasn’t. He told me that he’d proposed to Amber. Apparently, they’ve been more or less together for two years already. She’d told him that they didn’t need to be entirely exclusive, that she didn’t mind him still fucking me on the side when she was too busy for him to come around. Better for him to take the edge off with me than someone else, right? And that as my ‘closest female friend’, she would tell me about their relationship, no need for him to get involved in that girl-talk. Too bad she apparently forgot to do that.”

I should punch them both. Would I get into trouble if I did it now? Probably. But it wouldn’t be uncalled for, would it? No, surely not.

“So I came home after half a year, full of excitement for our bright future—only for him to ask me to be his Best Woman instead.” She snorts, shaking her head. But the bitterness and pain I’d expected isn’t in her voice, not anymore. Instead there’s… some dark amusement? That’s something to work with, I guess.

“I can’t believe you agreed after they did that to you. After he did that to you.” I try to make the words light, or at least lighter as the seething fury I feel. But this is not about me, it never was, and making her now deal with my reaction to what happened to her wouldn’t be fair. She’s already endured enough. And if she’s taking it with a grain of salt now that she’s got it out of her system, then that’s way better than the anxiety attack earlier.

“Oh, I still wonder about that myself,” she snorts. “I guess… I was in too much of a shock to fully comprehend what happened. It felt like a bad dream, and even now it’s… difficult to remember those days.”

Then a smile tugs at her lips, small but true. “A few things, I do remember, though. After I accepted being his Best Woman, he also asked me to do him a huge favour. He wanted me to organise the wedding cake. Yeah, it was rather late for that but he knew I could do it; I’ve always been so good at organising things.” She huffs another laugh. “I was so… so angry and hurt and just… baffled, I guess. I didn’t even think about declining. That day—the very day my flight landed and before I even got the chance to unpack my bags and take a shower—I rattled off one bakery after the other. It’s all a blur, but… I remember reading about some insider tip. And the weird baker I met there, younger than all others I’ve met that day, with his arms and half of his visible skin covered in tattoos and that dry sarcastic comment that pulled me out of my stupor.”

I blink, sitting up straighter. “That was on that day? When you first came into the shop?”

She nods, one corner of her mouth pulled up in a crooked smile. “I must have been such a mess…” She heaves a sigh and shuffles into a new position, stiff from sitting still for so long. “That night, I couldn’t sleep. It slowly sank in that my entire life, all my plans for the future lay in shambles. I was shaking and felt like I couldn’t breathe and…” She takes another deep breath. “It was so much worse than just now.

“When the morning came, I tried to pretend it wasn’t real, I think. That it was just a bad dream and that… I don’t know. That I was organising the wedding for someone else entirely? Or that it was my wedding, after all? Just… anything to not completely lose it. Which worked out perfectly.” She rolls her eyes.

“That’s why you ran away that day,” I remember, dimly. “So, you were crying.”

Grimacing, Violet nods. “I realised that I couldn’t ignore it until it went away. And it wasn’t just that day, either,” she admits. “I went straight to Rhiannon. I told you we met in college, but she was only in a few of my courses back then and had nothing to do with Dain or the others. We stayed in contact when I worked abroad, and… I crashed at her place. For a whole week, I stayed with her, unable to return to my apartment, still the one right next to Dain’s. I slept there, cried all day and night, watched stupid rom-coms that made me cry even more, and lived on a diet of ice cream straight from the tub and entirely too much alcohol.”

And I wondered whether she’d even been real during that time, I remember. Guess I hadn’t been too far off; during that week, she’d been barely more than a ghost.

“Eventually, I felt ready to move on, at least a little. I was still hurting but I got the worst of it out of my system during that week. And Dain… I would stick to my word, would be his Best Woman if only for the sake of our long friendship, and even organise that damned cake. But he wasn’t worth any more of my tears, not after all that.”

Finally something I can agree with.

“But even though that was what I told myself… I didn’t truly accept it. Not until…” She trails off, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Not until…?” I probe.

Her blush deepens as she looks at me. ”Not until the night the rain caught me off guard. Until you looked at me that night. Like… like I meant something to you. Something more.”

I suck in a breath. That first slip-up. “You did mean something to me,” I admit. “It made no sense, I’d only met you three times, but it was still true.”

Smiling, she nods. “I know. But it wasn’t just how you looked at me, how my heart skipped a beat and all the splinters of my life suddenly seemed to rearrange themselves into a new picture. It was also that… Dain had never looked at me like that. Not once. That’s when it truly clicked. That he never… never truly wanted me for more than just convenience.”

I snort. “So… what? I was your getaway car then? A distraction?” I try not to let that thought sting, that I was little more than a means to an end. Even if it started that way, it became so much more by now.

But Violet shakes her head, smirking. “No, not really. My getaway cars were the three guys Rhi and Tara tried to set me up with during three consecutive nights at the club. It was fun, but didn’t truly work, never went further than some making out in a shadowy corner. Because… well, there was this other guy I couldn’t get out of my head.” She leans forward, practically climbing onto my lap, and pecks my cheek.

On reflex, my arms close around her, pulling her tighter against me. “I couldn’t get you out of my head, either,” I murmur. “Even though I knew I shouldn’t. Or thought I shouldn’t.” I shake my head. It’s still surreal to think about how much I tormented myself for nothing.

“Yeah,” Violet snorts. “Meanwhile, I was flirting my little heart out for weeks and couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t react when you were obviously interested. Me being your customer was the only reason that made sense to me, and holding back until all business relations were dealt with was so hard.”

I chuckle and skim along her cheek and jaw with my nose, my lips. “I wouldn’t have cared about that. It wouldn’t have looked good, but I wouldn’t have cared, especially not with how it wasn’t you who paid me, anyway. You were just the middleman. But even if you hadn’t been, I was too crazy for you. I was even contemplating crashing your wedding, for Amari’s sake.”

Violet giggles as I reach a ticklish spot on her neck. “I know. I know you’d fight for me, and that I can always count on you. You would never go behind my back like that. Which is why I—” She breaks off, blushing. She shuffles to kneel across my lap again, her hands cupping my face, her eyes wide and clear. “Which is why I love you, Xaden. I do. I’m even glad by now how it all went down, including their betrayal, the headache, and all the tears. Because all that led me to you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with you, looking out to a life with you.”

My eyes grow wide. During the six months we’ve been together now, she’d never said those words, and after she told me her story just now, I understand why. To her, these three little words must hold so much more meaning. Which makes her saying them now even more precious.

I lean forward with her hands still cupping my jaw and kiss her. As always, the moment our lips meet feels like a rush, getting me high on everything that is her. Her taste, her scent, the little noises she makes in the back of her throat, and the way our lips move together so perfectly. It’s not too gentle but not too harsh, either. It’s raw, filled with emotions, tender and passionate alike.

My arms wrap around her, one around her waist holding her close as the other hand glides up her back, savouring every bit of skin I can touch before cupping the back of her head. Holding her, cradling her.

Violet sighs and parts her lips, her tongue brushing against me, begging for entrance. As if I could ever deny her anything. A low groan rumbles in my chest as I let her in and her tongue glides along mine, like a promise.

With her hands still on my jaw, she angles us to deepen the kiss, and I’m all too happy to oblige, sucking on her tongue until a moan makes her tremble. Gods, I want her, need her, everything. I’ll never get enough of her, of this, of us.

Soon, our bodies follow, moving together the same way our lips do, sliding and grinding, giving and taking. I love her so fucking much.

Her mouth moves across my cheek, nibbling at my earlobe for a moment before wandering further down my neck, laving at that spot on my throat that always makes me lose control. I jerk beneath her, gasping, my hands on her hips now tightening.

“Violet!” It’s a warning, a plea, a promise, I don’t know. All I know is that this isn’t the right place to continue this—but also that I won’t care if she keeps this up for only a few seconds more. And I honestly don’t know whether to feel relief or regret when she pulls away, breathing heavily and with her forehead resting against my own.

“We should get out of here.” The happy smile and contentment in her voice couldn’t be more different from the near panic that had been there earlier.

Swallowing, I nod. “And then? Do you want to leave? To go home?”

“No, not yet,” she chuckles, breathily. “I… I want to go back out there. If that’s okay with you. I’d… like to dance with you, for us to enjoy this party, and…” She bites her lip, a blush on her cheeks, and I understand.

“You want something similar to the last time we were here? What were your words? That you wanted me to get you drunk and then fuck you until you forget your own name?”

Her blush deepens. “I… don’t think those were my words.”

“Same meaning, though.” I shrug, grinning.

She flashes me a look, full of wicked promises. “But yeah, something like that. With… maybe only one alteration.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow at her. “And what would that be?”

Violet leans in to breathe into my ear, still a little shy about keeping eye contact in certain moments. “I want us to go to my apartment this time.” Her hot breath tickling down my neck makes me shiver. “One last time before I move out, tonight, when they are back next door. And… I want you to make me scream.”

A shudder runs through my entire body, the stupidly tight dinner jacket trousers getting even tighter. Chuckling to have an outlet for the tension building inside me, I turn my head and bring my lips to her cheek. “I fucking love you, Violet.”

Next Chapter

[plutoscosmoss]

Fire Inside   ➸ c.18

Warnings: This series includes themes of violence, death, smut, childbirth and childbirth complications (if I forgot to mention any please let me know)

Pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x OC

{Series Masterlist}

Previous Chapter

Chapter 18: Nighttime Activities

The party lasted well into the night, until it was time for the newlyweds to retire to their chamber. They walked hand in hand down the corridors giggling from the wine they had consumed at the party. 

“Have my things been moved already?” Renva asked Jacaerys, not knowing if even he knew the answer. 

“They have. Many of the handmaidens move your belongings into my chamber during the party.” Jace said, starting to grow nervous. “Listen Jace, don’t be nervous. We will grow to understand how one another lives and we will form a new rhythm together. As for tonight,” Renva took a deep breath before continuing, “we just have to perform our duties and then we can forget about it for a while if you’d like.” Renva was just as nervous, even more so than Jacaerys due to having just recently been informed of what her duties entail. 

It was during their voyage to Dragonstone, that Cregan asked Rhaenyra if she could explain what happens from a woman's perspective on the wedding night. Rhaenyra had no issues informing the young girl, who stared at her hands the whole time with wide eyes until Rhaenyra was done speaking. Renva just hoped that it would be as painless as possible, and be done with. 

The two entered their chambers and got ready for the night. Jace helped Renva take the braids out of her hair, being gentle with the ones close to her scalp. Once her braids were all out, Jace took a moment to massage her head. It was something he saw his mother do to her own after a long day with tight braids in her hair. Renva melted into Jace’s hand when he did that, she hadn’t realized just how much her head hurt. Renva turned towards Jace and noticed that they both still had residual blood on their faces from the ceremony. She called out to Ceria to bring a bucket of water and some rags. Renva then helped Jacaerys out of his ceremony robes, placing it on the chair next to them. She found that he too wore a similar colored suit to her dress. It was after Renva’s initiation that they both slowly helped each other declothe until Renva was in her chemise and Jace was in his tunic and trousers. 

It was at this time that Ceria had brought in a bucket of warm water and some rags. She placed it next to the fire to try and keep the warmth, and slid out of the room. Renva walked towards the bucket and dipped one of the rags in before walking back over towards Jace. Jace watched Renva with careful eyes, it was like if he blinked she would be gone and he would wake up from the best dream of his life. Renva carefully wiped his face free from the blood, the cut on his lip already having been scabbed over. Jace then himself repeated the same motions to her, stilling while wiping a dried trail of blood that dripped from her lip to her chin. 

Grabbing the rag from Jace, Renva tossed it to where the other dirty ones laid. She noticed how Jace never took his eyes off her since they got to the chamber. Walking back up to Jace she slowly grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bed. It was in that moment that Jace finally snapped out of whatever daze he seemed to be in, he switched the positions so he was leading her towards the bed. Renva noticed her heart started racing as Jacce gestured for her to lay on the bed. To say that she felt awkwards in the moment of her crawling towards the headboard, would be an understatement. 

Looking down the bed at Jace she couldn’t help but release a small giggle. 

“What do I look funny?” Jace said as he looked down upon himself. 

“Of course not, I just feel silly.” Renva said, trying to calm the air. “If it helps, you look beautiful from where I am.” Jace said before he too, joined Renva on the bed. Renva slowly pulled her undergarments out from under her chemise, tossing them to the floor next to the bed, doing so she heard Jace suck in a breath at her action. She had a small smile etched onto her face knowing her action will set in motion the rest of the night. 

Jace sat on his thighs and removed his tunic, Renva followed his sitting motion, so they were face to face. While Jace might still be young, Renva noticed he was well defined for his age. Renva slowly lifted her chemise off herself, fully revealing her bare body to Jacaerys. “You are beautiful Renva.” Jace said, taking her all in with his eyes. He hesitantly reached out to touch her, “You won't hurt me. It's okay.” Renva led his hand to her hip. The self control Jace had slowly slipped as he pulled Renva in towards him and crashed his lips into hers. 

The two heatedly kissed, as their hands explored one another. They were growing desperate, Renva tugging at Jaces trousers, Jace running one of his thumbs just under the swell of her breast, the other exploring her body. 

Jacaerys stripped off his last piece of clothing. Jace then laid Renva down, positioning himself above her. Jacaerys planted a chaste kiss on her lips, before trailing his mouth down to her neck, then to one of her breasts. He made sure to pay attention to both of them, his hand fondled the breast his mouth wasn’t on. Renva bucked her hips at the sensation that she never felt before. Jace removed his hand from her breast and trailed it between her legs, tapping her thigh when she squeezed her legs shut. Renva allowed for Jace to part her legs, his mouth popping off her breast to look at her. Jace made eye contact with Renva as he slid one of his fingers over her folds, before it settled on her bud. 

As Jace rubbed small circles on her clit, he watched as her eyes closed she let out a breathy moan. Jace felt himself leaking precum at the sight. Jace moved down so he was face to face with her cunt. Renva felt his hot breath on her and before she could say anything, she felt him start to lick at her folds. Jace lifted one of her legs over his shoulder to give him more access to her. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it correctly but when Renva gripped his hair he assumed she was happy with his work. Renva let out a loud moan as Jace felt her release. He lapped up her juices, making sure to leave some to help guide himself into her. 

Jace removed her leg from his shoulder, sitting on his knees making eye contact with Renva who looked ethereal to him laid out on their bed. “Are you ready?” Jace asked as he stroked himself a few times, Renva nodded as she caught her breath. Jace took his cock and slowly rubbed his tip along her folds collecting some of her cum to help guide him. “If it hurts, let me know and we shall stop.” Jace spoke out of breath himself. “It’s okay Jace. I’m ready.” Renva said giving Jace the okay. Jace slowly pushed him self into her, bracing himself above her with his arm. Renva dug her nails into Jace's shoulder blades, “Keep going Jace.” Renva spoke as she kissed his neck, the little pain she felt overcome by pleasure. 

Jace bottomed out, as Renva arched her back making them both moan into each other's necks. Jace planted light kisses as he slowly pulled out halfway and pushed back into her. “Jace” Renva moaned, “Yes my love?” Jace spoke, himself finding it hard to form proper words. “Please, go faster.” Renva whimpered into his ear, Jace shuddered as a feeling he’s never had before came over him. Jace picked up his pace, Renva wrapped her legs around his waist, as he continued to slam into her. Renva felt something snap in her, as she felt release. Jace felt her squeeze him and it made him only last a few more strokes before he coated her walls. Renva knew their marital duties were complete as she felt him coat her insides with his seed. 

“We have done well, my prince.” Renva spoke as Jace pulled out and she laid her head on his chest. “I am utterly in love with you Renva.” he spoke into her hair giving it a kiss before pulling the covers over them. The two drift off to sleep in each other's arms, both unaware of what is to come. 

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

next chapter

[iviarellereads]

The Fires of Heaven, Chapter 11 - The Nine Horse Hitch

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Flame icon) In which someone has to remember she's not who she used to be.

PERSPECTIVE: Siuan et al have reached Lugard, in Murandy. She's been letting Logain think he was in charge, since she really doesn't know what to do with him yet.

The Nine Horse Hitch is the inn Logain chooses for them for the night. Siuan arranges for Leane and Min to distract Logain while she goes to meet a contact to find out where the Blue Ajah went after the Tower broke. On the way, she notes that she looks and feels very young, not much older than Min, and fairly attractive beneath the grime of travel.(1)

She has to put on a somewhat embarrassing performance to ask the right questions of the innkeeper to establish the contact, but she does so. She doesn't get quite the response she was looking for, but gets brought into a back room to talk. She informs the contact, Mistress Tharne, that Siuan Sanche has been stilled, and Elaida a'Roihan is the new Amyrlin. Tharne says that explains some of the orders, maybe, and she does have a message for any Blue who came looking around. Simply a name: Sallie Daera.(2)

Siuan leaves, the Tharne making fun of her as she does. At least she understands the message: the town of Salidar, birthplace of a famous Blue sister. On the way back to her inn, she glares so fiercely that she gets fewer catcalls.

PERSPECTIVE: Min, on a bench, in the common room of the Nine Horse Hitch, watches Leane flirt with a whole table of men. Logain looks grumpy that he's not the center of attention. Min wonders what it would be like to flirt with Rand the way Leane is with everyone.(3)

Siuan sneaks up on Min and says they have to go south, now. She thinks she may have made some Whitecloaks suspicious, and Min can tell that Siuan has learned something. Min grumbles they won't be able to reach another inn by nightfall, but goes to tell the others, quietly.

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(1) She makes a big deal of how far separated from her youth she is. Siuan, you're only 41. To be changed back to 25 or so is really not THAT big of a deal. You even admit this is only 15-20 years here. I'm saying this as someone who's staring down the barrel of 40 myself sometime in the next 2-5 years to keep things vague. RJ had a very skewed conception of women's self-image and aging compared to what we know now (consider what 50 looked like in The Golden Girls vs what 50 looks like nowadays in film and TV) and was also writing as a man trying to understand women from the outside, for sure. (2) Wow, what a clever puzzle, I'm sure nobody but a Blue would figure out Sallie Daera was Salidar. Especially since there have only been so many Amyrlins and the one who saved the Tower from Bonwhin's disaster would be widely studied. (3) This whole sequence, I mean starting all the way back when she was buying silk fabric to have dresses made to show Rand someday, but all the way through this… This is where a lot of people start to hate Min. And, look, everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions. It is sad and frustrating to see a young woman who stands out from others be blended back into the crowd. But, there's also a problem with putting Not Like Other Girls girls on pedestals just for being NLOGs when there are so many different kinds of female characters in this series. If you can't tell, I think it's more complicated than a lot of people's knee-jerk reactions make it out to be. And, I can't say how I feel because a lot of it's influenced by what happens later.