#can u tell i've been thinking about this
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my (multiple) inner scenarios of kit and ty's reunion:
clace wedding reunion - imagine kit herondale IN A SUIT!!! WITH A LITTLE BLUE FLOWER!!! THAT MATCHES HIS EYES!!! and being jace's groomsman/ring bearer (bc alec will deffo be best man)!!! *ty drooling in the background*
sudden, unexpected reunion on a mission - ya'll know this: KNIFE SCENE 2.0 but reversed and they've thought about each other for YEARS and are suddenly in front of each other and all ty thinks is "how beautiful" :'))
family meeting - they know they're gonna see each other and are giddy little fools and it's awkward and bittersweet (yes i like pain)
one of them gets hurts and the other runs there IMMEDIATELY without a second thought and we get the "i thought i lost you" scene very early on (bit of a stretch ik but idc)
they meet again in the LA institute when tessa and jem have business there and kit isn't expecting ty to be there so he just馃馃徏鈥嶁檪锔廰nd they just stare at each other like love sick fools and say shy "hi's" while simultaneously freaking out about how much they've both changed (*cough* gotten even hotter *cough*)
kinda wild but imagine they meet again in THULE! and the implications behind that! is thule!kit alive? they will need to work together to get through this place and dum dum dum angst and feelings ensue (and our hearts get shattered, nothing new)
#time for theories and delusions#fun times#kitty is the reason i breathe#can u tell i've been thinking about this#my ass needs to get out more#they're so in love#i just want them to kiss and make up#i will be INSUFFERABLE when their reunion happens#and i apologise in advance#twp predictions#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#kit x ty#kitty#the wicked powers#twp#tsc#cassandra clare
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN鈥橳 KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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note: the following is three (almost four) years post-game
okay fine i'll just draw comics for my au since writing is so dang hard smh
anyways welcome to two coins! where loop shows up again but siffrin only got the one hat ending
edit: part two
#2024#isat two coins au#isat loop#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#on technicality#isat#in stars and time#this was also an excuse to play with mira's hair again bc i wanna see her in braids so bad! with beads that click clack as she walks!#hairier isabeau... oh merciful neptune oh sweet aphrodite i thibk i hauve covid#also none of these outfits are like... definitive. i'm indecisive so i want everybody to have a wardrobe#LOOP'S HAT IS NOT SIFFRIN'S BTW they prioritized hiding from siffrin over finding where it landed oop that thing is GONE gone#that coin attached to the tip of that hat is also not siffrin's... but siffrin doesnt know that...#also 鈥媓ey yall ever think about how loop can kinda turn their light out and maybe be invisible? i do#anyway this au is also loop/siffrin/isabeau just fyi... also maybe the tiniest of shoutouts to loop/odile if i'm feeling cheeky#also also also... loop still uses they/them but there will be more feminine terms used for them in this au ;u;#baby finally started seeing themself as a person again and is reevaluating their gender#people around where they've been frequently traveling call them miss lu or some call them lady#eventually when the polycule is complete i want siffrin and isabeau to both call loop ''my lady'' bc the thought just makes me melt#you don't /need/ to know that but i'm telling you#okay i've been trying to articulate my thoughts in the tags for half an hour so i'll stop now...#have a good day/night i love you mwah mwah mwah
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can i just say how much i love the continuity of simm!master having a sliver of the colour red in every major outfit he wears on the show. there's something so satisfying about seeing the outfits together in my mind's eye - the red lining of his blazer, the red shirt peeking through the hoodie, the red COLLAR, and then the red lining of his (yaasified) blazer again. smth about his colour being red, but so understated tickles my brain. it's like the imagery of a little blood on a knife - all black and gray, and non-organic until u look closer and see the pure emotion, deep organic feeling and consequence.
#can u tell i've been thinking about him an unhealthy amount#simm!master save me#simm!master#doctor who#the master
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For day two, Bart just won the Young Justice chess* tournament!! Traya came in second and Slobo came in third. Full tournament lineup and chess* headcanons under the cut
Welcome to my yj chess headcanons:
1) what YJ calls chess is actually 5 dimensional chess with multiverse time travel. They just call it chess. They have sort of forgot the regular version exists. (I am, however, a fake 5d chess fan: it languishes in my steam library, intimidating, unplayed)
2) tim discovered it and got them all into it. They like it varying amounts:
Bart: undisputed reigning champion of 5 dimensional chess with multiverse time travel. Loves this game.
Cassie: has the basics down and does fine vs other folks or the game ai. Hates the game. Must be tricked into being competitive about it to make her join in.
Tim: was excited about the game and got v into it v intensely as he does. Burnt himself out on it a bit. He's pretty good but doesn't know if he loves or hates the game. Will get hypercompetitive about it tho.
Kon: good at it pretty naturally because he's used to thinking in multiple dimensions (been flying since day 1) but he can psych himself out second guessing his moves. Likes playing the game, can get competitive.
Greta: good at the game because she has so. much. free time. Can get tunnel focused on it and doesn't mind losing as much as the others, so can play against bart for hours and hours. Always up for a game, enjoys it.
Cissie: good at it pretty naturally, but doesn't have strong feelings about it. Plays mostly with Traya because Cassie really doesn't want to.
Traya: v good at it, and really likes it. Plays with Cissie at school and also Red Tornado a lot. Prolly can beat Bart maybe 1 in 5 times?
Anita: wasn't sure about it but got hypercompetitive about it and is now pretty good. Likes it now that she's good at it.
Slobo: also v good at it! Its similar to some space games prolly, and like kon he's v used to thinking in multiple dimensions. Doesn't get as competitive as some of the others which really gets them steamy when he beats them.
Ray: Newbie player who got thrown in the deep end. One day YJ was like, let's have a chess tournament! And Ray was like, oh okay thats a wierd thing to do out of the blue but I can roll with that I know chess. He did not know chess. Still learning but getting the hang of it. Now has a fear response to it tho.
3) they play online w each other all the time but every now and then have tournaments when they are all hanging out. They used to just do a winner plays next round sort of thing but it always just ended up w everyone losing to bart all the time. Tournament winners get favors and tournament losers have to do dares.
4) bart plays with his civilian friends too!! They are varying levels of into it but I think Carol likes it a lot.
5) one time Ra's al Ghul challenged tim to a game of chess and when he got sat down at a regular chess board he was just like.......whet is this.... and completely blanked on the rules to regular chess
#I've been thinking about the chess thing for a while can u tell#anyway i was like in not gonna do three people again this week- and the next day i do three people again#playing with the watercolor brush this time#traya sutton#bart allen#slobo#bartallenweek#arting with nik
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 馃憫馃憫
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me馃槀#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil鉁忥笍 and for me? for silusvesuius? 饾枎 饾枩饾枎饾枒饾枒 饾枙饾枟饾枖饾枡饾枈饾枅饾枡 饾枮饾枖饾枤#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 馃槀馃槀' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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starlight with ysayle 鉂勶笍
#ffxiv#ff14#ysayle dangoulain#i'm just thinking about how fun it'd be if she was included in some starlight events!!#imagine. she brings the celebration to the moogles in the churning mists for the first time 馃ぇ#also can u tell i love the winter holidays and forgot they're ending soon#so i've been trying to scribble my ideas out as fast as i can while there's still time hdsfjn
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you鈥檙e watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 馃檪
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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no but like i literally cannot WAIT for twp to come out
i want the new crew to be absolute badasses and i'm ready for another series filled with lovable characters and sarcastic leads and angsty plotlines which drive us mad and reading the books together and SCREAMING at anything that happens
this series already has my entire heart and it's not even out yet :')
#but like the hold this series has on me#im so excited#give me bi kit and dru#THAIS SUPREMACY#badass big brother tiberius blackthorn#julian talking to ty about what being in love feels like#DYED HAIRED DRU#enemies to lover!ash & dru#GIVE ME HELL (aka lucifer)#first heir kit [internal screaming]#herongraystairs reunion#FINAL BATTLE TYPA SHIT#can u tell i've been thinking about this#the wicked powers#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#dru blackthorn#ash morgenstern#the dark artifices#shadowhunters
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Please, please hear me out... Helck x Cookie Run Kingdom AU.
Madeleine as Helck and Espresso as Vermilion/Anne
(Taking suggestions for who can be what characters)
#This AU writes itself please tell me no one else did this yet-#au#my art#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#doodle#my au#Helck x crk AU#madeleine cookie#espresso cookie#Helck is like#one of the few anime I actually enjoy#u dont get it I've been thinking about this concept bc#Pumpkin Cream then can be (REDACTED) and hen ASDGKLJF-#And also Helck and Anne's dynamic in the anime is just Maddy and Essi dynamic come ON-#Rewatching the series after stopping at the second half so please no spoilers :)
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day 2 of planning but not writing a fanfic for a source material i've never written for every day: deeply repressed morgwen where gwen gets to be a little bit evil >:)
#writing fanfic is so fun why did none of u tell me about this (<- has been writing fanfic for six years)#(the thing is. i've always operated on the principle that i need to know a source Really Really Well to even THINK about writing for it)#(but if i'm only planning and not actually writing anything then i can circumvent that rule. and the cops can't do a thing)
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 馃槶 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#馃搶 [ my posts. ]#馃挱 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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only thing more annoying that getting facebook and temu ads repeatedly is getting republican-leaning ads all the time. I don't give a shit about the bad democrat judge or whatever that you want me to care about so I can donate to your pac. I don't want to see you destroy a 'cocky liberal', and if you dare fucking talk to me about the 'deaths under socialism' or how socialist countries suck, I will ream you a new asshole and perform acts so graphic I'd be banned for describing them here. Shut the fuck up. Get out. I'm tired of hearing your stupid voice.
#unma rambles#can you tell I've been plagued by these ads for so long now#it's especially crazy to me to see these ads on videos criticizing republicans#prager u ad on a video about how awful prager u is is so fucking crazy to me#like do you think this works#oh my god#I should stop using yt on my phone and switch back to my laptop anyway#adblock is way too important for using the internet nowadays
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#i am reading some stuff in the agatha tags#i know not a great idea#i just thought since I've been enjoying the meta posts atleast some of them I'll just keep a lookout for it#but as usual#the bs comes through#i have not seen one person who is mad coz agathario not been the focus#so either I've blocked all the idiots#or more likely people are preemptively policing others#which i guese is bound to happen but boy does it annoy me#i really don't care about them being endgame or getting happy ending or whatever#i felt the fandom as a whole also understands that and are just enjoying the ride#it's still mcu#we can be cautiously optimistic but especially with a story like agatha's#and her and rio's relationship being actually labelled as romantic antagonists#i fail to see how people even think that it's going to end as them getting some sappy happyily ever after or something like that#seriously do people really think that's in the cards#or it's just some wishful fanon thinking#i just want to enjoy the show as a show with all these interesting women characters#maybe i am alone in it but from what I've seen atleast on tumblr it feels the same for most of us here#i dunno what happens on other social media sites and i also actually don't care#it's always been like that especially wlw queer ships so yeah it kinda irritates me#i think i need to filter better and try focusing on the artsy stuff#anyways i am wondering if they will release teaser for next epi or not#I'll prefer to go without knowing anything tbh it is kind of exciting to experience it fresh without any spoilers#lets see#in the meantime i am rewatching the show and getting evermore obsessed with agatha and to some extent rio ha ha!#i am posting too much u can tell i am very invested now ...anybody want to pull me out? no? okayyy..down the road I go...!#i am so gay dude...fml#tag ramblings#for ts
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