#can someone hold me maybe
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sleepy time or something like that
#i hope i wake up at 3 am then at 5 am just to see that it is in fact *not* morning#i mean 5 am is almost morning#also pointedly not thinking about how i realized i don't understand human connection#like. at all#and it feels too late#because everyone around me has someone#and i'm just. there#and i'm so tired of thinking about this every day#but i'm lonely#but i don't like the people around me#and i feel the way i'm looked at#and i don't know of it's made up by my brain or not#can someone hold me maybe#like when you're little and your parent is supposed to hug you and validate your feelings and tell you that it's okay to cry#and that it will be alright#because it feels like it never will be anything close to alright#and i'm scared#and so so sad#and it's all stuck inside me#i'm sorry#this is just a tad pathetic
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For decades, the blank vision that Iudex Neuvillette wears near his heart has been subject to much discussion in Fontaine. Nobody remembers who it had once belonged to or why the ancient dragon protected it so jealously. It is said that if the Chief Justice would to stare at it for a long while, it would be sure to rain right after. Oh, how beloved that person must've been.
#genshin impact#genshin fanart#neuvillette#visions#wriolette#wriollette#neuvithesley#myart#sorry for the short drabble?#kasndkansd i have emotions over a simple thought i had#the tragedy for someone eternal to fall for someone who's here for only a brief moment eats away at me hhhh#it started with a funny thought of IF neuvillette needs to carry a fake vision for some reason after laughing at the archons for it#and then i remembered how people like kazuha would hold onto their loved one's masterless vision after they died#one thing led to another and now we have some wriolette angst with neuvillette cherishing wrio's masterless vision#after his inevitable passing#and idk if its just the traveller or if its even canon#but i like to think that neuv being a sovereign he would be able to hear the ambition of one's vision and maybe just maybe#he can use wrio's masterless vision to listen to his voice albeit ever so softly
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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Blacked out in front of my tablet and woke up with sketches of my Touchstarved mc + Kuras my beloved. woops
#I found out dr. kuras is 6'6 I said hold on lemme get a stool so I can climb this man#touchstarved#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#kuras#sleepyscribble#oc.emma#my mc is meant to be a self insert but also like. I wanted to come up w a design and character arc and everything jkvkvk#so I ended up basing her on my personality/looks but taking her into a direction that would fit the game#she's like. me but 'characterized' and a bit exaggerated for the sake of being a character yk#the way she turned out is that she's basically a friendly happy go lucky mage who laughs at her own misery but hides#a deep layer of self loathing underneath all that bc of her curse#having been cursed all her life she believes she's a monster and the sunny personality is a way for her to 'make up for it'#but at the same time she feels like a farse. like she's only luring ppl in to an inevitable demise#and she thinks she's selfish bc despite knowing the danger she poses she still goes out there and puts herself among ppl#bc she craves human connection. even tho she feels guilty for 'indulging' in it#anyway I love the cursed mc concept in this game <3 it's been really interesting to think abt how that would affect someone#also I kept her physical features looking pretty much like mine#bc I wanted to draw myself in a cute way. teehee#but the clothing I was basically thinking like. early game simple clothing that she didn't rlly pick for herself#and maybe later I can have an updated design w something she would actually pick for herself
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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Welcome one and all to my version of the party's loopified designs, featuring my many broken bones and blood stains I especially put into Odile who I tackled second unlike the alphabetical order that I have presented here! I'll have in-depth discussions on each designs and matching practice portraits under the cut but before that-
Siffrin 'barely taller than a preteen' no middle name no last name Loop is still barely taller than a preteen but now that preteen can claim fire to their height!
Alphabetical order GO!
Bonnie, who I've been calling Bonfire (which if that ends up being their name I can imagine Bonnie calling them 'Fire' while they call Bonnie 'Face' to match), was the last of my designs because frankly I knew from the start what their design was going to take influence from and also knew I was going to draw fire :P They were based on bonfires (of course) and also specifically the Burning Man effigies just for a humanoid figure, plus being a chef cooker and a campfire and also a very heated expressive person.
Their flames are hot but not actual wood burning so the Favour Tree (and Mirabelle in the height chart) are not at risk of combusting, they're just incredibly bright-
Isabeau my first design, with influences from @basilpaste 's Lock (with a dressform body) and @nullapophenia 's original version of Husk (the faceless identityless sketch), I have combined them both to make a mannequin it/its loopified design that finally gets to be capital T Tall all for the low low price of being Changed against its will and suffering another bout of body dysphoria that it can't fix anymore :) :) :) When I was referencing mannequins I actually noticed how long their legs actually were let alone how they were perma-stuck in that Barbie-like highheel pose and thought why don't I just curse Isa with something he previously wanted :P
Something something Isabeau actively Changed not only his body but his personality to become someone he wouldn't be ashamed of, yada yada Loopsabeau is back to hating itself and has started to become a person it despises to match (also like a mannequin it's head and arms are technically painlessly removeable :P)
Third in order and third in design is Mirabelle, who technically is the only loopified design with technically hair and clothes, but the hair are the tangled roots of the Favour Tree and the clothes are like the carved hardstone statues of religious figures :P Initially my Idea for Mirabelle was to make her kinda like her statue, with the wonky expression of someone who made it without much mastery over details, not to pit anything against Mira, no, no. Thought about maybe abstract statue design but I couldn't find a version I liked but I did always imagine her statue being weathered in some way, there was a reason why I saved her for third I couldn't pick what I wanted. But then I remembered the broken Change God statues, thought about the 'blessing' that ended up being a curse, and then thought about overgrown weathering and gave her the roots.
I actually looked up Black hairstyles and mostly wondered what specific hair texture Mirabelle had (she wears it in a fro of course, but she has flyaways that aren't coils, but she described her own hair as kinky and :P) so that if I were to mimic hair with tree roots I can get an appropriate matching hairstyle (settled on megatwists). Hah, if Mira has 4C hair, considering how long her hair actually looks, if she to wear her hair in twists she might actually have elbow length hair :P
I spent 8 non-consecutive hours on Odile can you tell? Can you see my hands bleeding my wrist breaking my eyes drooping? Yeah so Odile was again, my second design and it took me a week to recover, and she's a combination of gem and mirror suit with all the little fragments floating around her the 'diamonds' that represent all her family members party plus the ones she originally had in sets of 2. I also put geodes where parts of her body have broken off (inspired by how when the King strikes she can't move, plus also being a glass canon) where when I was actually drawing those geodes that they kinda use the Change symbol?
Circle within a circle within a circle, regardless of how wiggly it is, and at the centre is a cluster of crystals. That was an accidental reference to Odile's mixed heritage but hoo boy what a connection! Her missing pieces are a combination of 'being too old for this' fragility and also 'i didn't want to render more mirrors sue me'
Anyway I am going to put my wrist in a cast and imagine loopified party members with their pre-wish counterparts :P
#bonnie#bonnie isat#isabeau#isabeau isat#mirabelle#mirabelle chevalier#mirabelle isat#odile#odile isat#loop#loop isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#fanart#i saw someone mention in the tags of my previous isat post talking about the mirabelle chevalier tag#as soon as my grubby little broken mitts grab hold of either a physical or digital copy of the isat artbook#which as has been said by insertdisc5 include the last names of the characters (at least the ones that remember them)#i will not only continue using chevalier but also everyone else's last names in tags#replacing... one of the other character tags#a lot of my thoughts on the designs have been already said#but me and the same isat friends have some thoughts on how the loopified versions interact with their old selves#mirabelle is the nicest but may snap every so often in a 'arent you tired of being kind dont you want to go apeshit' kinda way#isabeau is a bitter jealous asshole who's regressed to being unkind thanks to not having the body it worked so hard to make once#odile is a little cold when talking to herself since pleasantries take too much time plus her 'i will do awful things [for da fam]' ways#and bonnie is bonnie so they're angry and pissed and sad they won't see their nille again but also they and bonnie are friends in the loop#speaking as someone who at bonnie's age didn't really have friends um whether or not i'm projecting i think fire and face can be besties#please enjoy these designs my kitten scratched me so hard i needed a bandaid for the price of angst and i think that's fitting#do i have an attached au to these designs? no. do i want one? maybe maybe i guess there's only so many ways to have an [x] loops au
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the thing that is SO WILD to me watching usamericans on the internet talk about their upcoming elections is that this is one of those incredibly rare occasions where you are choosing between two guys who have ALREADY DONE THE JOB.
look, i’m canadian. we have a first past the post parliamentary system and i don’t even get to vote directly for the person who will lead the country because i don’t live in any of the leaders’ ridings. i don’t live in any of the big important cities or even the big important provinces. i know ALL ABOUT “it feels like my vote doesn’t matter.” and all the same, i’m incredibly worried that a lot of people will vote conservative because they don’t like trudeau (fair! he sucks!) and hey, who knows, poilievre might be better. let’s give him a chance. time for a change etc. etc. (and of course there are a bunch of people who want what he’s selling and that’s depressing as hell too but they’re not the swing voters who will make a difference here.) never mind that the dude seems very happy to cozy up to our own local fascists. we don’t know for a fact what he’ll be like as pm, because he hasn’t been pm yet, and we DO know what trudeau is like, and we don’t like him.
the argument for change because it might be good is very compelling to our little animal brains when the status quo is BAD. poilievre is even banking on this! he’s been keeping his promises and stances deliberately vague so people can fill in the blanks with whatever they hope will happen.
and what’s so absolutely mind-breakingly incomprehensible to me is that THIS IS NOT THE CASE IN THE US but so many americans KEEP TALKING LIKE IT IS. each of these dudes has already done the job. they are known quantities. and you (realistically) only get to choose between the two of them. the political machine is going to go through with all of the usual debates and campaigning and thinkpieces and op-eds and rallies and whatever else pageantry, but biden and trump have told you who they are. they’ve SHOWN you who they are. it’s not often you get such a clear-cut choice with so much solid information behind it. you either vote for one of them and live with your choice or you hide your head in the sand and pretend that if you don’t vote one of them won’t win. and then you live with your cowardice because when the time came to choose you couldn’t bear to look.
(which is guess is also why so much effort is going into convincing people to just fucking vote oh my god i get it if you can’t because so many people have been deliberately disenfranchised in the us but if you can and you just don’t so help me…)
#i’m not getting into third party voting because it’s irrelevant in this case#it’s functionally the same as not voting#and that sucks! but it’s true#and i say this as someone who lives in a country where our third parties regularly flirt with viability#but not in my riding. not federally#so unless i’m willing to do a hell of a lot of ground-level work to get a non-liberal voted in where i live#(*years* of work. maybe decades. for real.)#(i do NOT have the energy for that right now)#(talk to me again in five years maybe)#i’m going to hold my nose and vote for the local limp noodle of a liberal candidate in the next election#because slowing the swell of extreme-right authoritarianism is an important first step in making sure that when i do have the energy to act#we’re not starting from so deep in the hole that it takes years just to climb back up to where we were#before we can get started on the real work
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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Horse Yaoi trotted so Horsegirl Yuri could fly.
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#equineswap au#wei wuxian#lan wangji#little apple#xiao pingguo#lan wunian#This is the first and second kiss I've ever drawn. And its horse yaoi and horsegirl yuri. Wouldn't want it any other way tbh.#And with that...Horse week has come to a close#Not the end of this AU mind you; I'll still throw some doodles in here & there and reblog any fanart#The concept behind this was to make something with the vibes of that one picture with the guys holding girls up on their shoulders#so the girls can kiss. And the guys are kissing too. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.#Maybe one day I'll draw the unswapped version. Ill flip a coin to decide whether or not wangxian are carrying their equines or riding them#Thank you all so much for the extremely enthusiastic reception to my equineswap AU#The love for both sides of the swap has blow me away. These designs have been sitting around for a while and I wasn't sure I'd post them.#In the end it became a way to celebrate a follower milestone *and* this blog's 3 month anniversary#also...It has been a hard few weeks and I needed something light and fun. I really mean it when I say “you guys helped me pull through”#Love you all B'*)
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid
#russian is like the surface of a feather like it's light but not exactly “soft” but still very delicate#german is . cute ? i think it's adorable . it has a lot of momentum it makes u wanna talk fast and talk a lot#like it's squishy . sleek surface w a soft inside#thai is like song . it's like interprative dance or maybe a trust-fall . everything follows from the previous thing#it feels like a little fairy flying up and letting itself fall and flying up again and so on (for fun). its so beautiful but also playful#mandarin chinese is like . idk why but it gives me the same vibe the concept of Observation does . like to read and to see and absorb#and then to translate that into smth else . like . imagine a poet people watching or an artist preparing a canvas w practiced hands. thats#the vibe. soft and elegant and musical but like...in a way that feels lived-in. arabic feels wise ? like music or poetry u read#and feel nothing about then years later u stumble on and it applies to everything in ur life. that kind of vibe. like it knows more than u#and itll make sure ur heart and soul grows as big as its lexicon . polish is like snowflakes falling . it has the feeling of complexity and#elegance but it's also so so light and slippery and...maybe not elusive but the feeling of losing a dance partner in a waltz ? like fun and#light but also an underlying elegance and somberness still . turkish is like the feeling when u get a text from ur crush#and your heart tightens and you cant tell if it's really painful or really amazing . it feels like unrequited love . or a caress#or making out with someone when you know its the last time you'll see them. its beautiful in a yearning longing way#korean is like joking around w ur friends and you've stayed up until like almost 5 AM and youre so delirious that everything is funny#and ur speaking kind of lightly and openly and everything you say holds a lot of weight and doesnt matter at all. you laugh at everything#and youre practically talking in inside jokes and watching the sunrise together . one of them hits u on the shoulder lovingly. ur by a fire#yoruba feels like the metatheory of the matatheory . abstraction until it circles back to intuition or maybe#it feels like plotting the route of a comet or maybe like the soft warm whirr of statistics. trying to verbalise beauty somehow#when you know the best thing you can show it is by telling everyone just look!! look at the sky just look!#anyway yh i think i could do this for every language ever tbh
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word ��� about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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Just wanted to share this with a few song lyrics;
“Keep on whispering in my ear. Tell me all the things that I want to hear cause it’s true. (That’s what I like) That’s what I like about you, (that’s what I like!)
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#husbands#buck x eddie#I am sorry but come on#I used these lyrics cause I assumed they would use these but who knows#also who knows maybe they did the whole song like Oliver said either way we don’t know#and I hope Tim releases the scene if not for the fans then for Oliver and Ryan who worked so hard and were so proud of it#anyway#911 abc#also come on these lyrics: you keep me warm at night????#what I like about you#you hold me tight!!!!#I can’t 3x01 hug party flashback#no seriously#though I hope we one day can see it#and also pls someone do a gif set with these lyrics thank you#Oliver stark#ryan guzman#the romantics
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transfem loop + siffrin... you agree
i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......
#a headcanon is when i say shit like loop has feetie pyjamas.#a reading of the text is when i go jesus christ dude im not sure someone that repressed has a particularly great grasp on their ideal Self#lucabytetalks#isat spoilers#back on the homestuck tangent sometimes i think about how ppl picked up on the trans coding of roxy but were so set in their ways that#they thought it mustve been in the past and not a potential future... and then got real mad about a character being like.#complexly transmasc with a nuianced relationship to gender and not Easily Brushed Off Before The Narrative Begins Binary Trans Woman#one of the few times i think ive seen it be That way around? but i think it comes down to that whole. visible transgenderism happening#during the plot vs Invisible transgenderism that shh its okay you dont have to actually think about you can just say for brownie points#BUT MAYHAPS THAT IS MEAN. mayhaps that is mean. but i know what i saw back in the day.#sighs homestuck tangent over anyway uhhh yeah hold on isat fans ill throw you a new bone instead of getting off topic uhhh#isabeau seems like such a pragmatic planner to me i think theyve got contingency plans for whatever family they want to have in future#logical nerd with his transition timeline planned out and it includes a flowchart with an 'IF partner has X then i need Y to have a kid'#shrodingers op isabeau . guy with a gender spreadsheet and punnet squares. i think it being that methodical is funny#it also speaks to his occasional hesitance but thats too dark of a read i think im not going to stake anything serious on that#i have thoughts on isa but they're more obviously aligned with what he literally says with his words in-game. not really much worth#elaborating on besides poking at how his insecurities and appeasement to others might inform his literal decisions#i have maybe a few bullet points in my head for him. not 7k words
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So um, in light of my last post I was inspired to look into other dsmp people's ages because I feel like we don’t really think about it too often and oh does it make things interesting…
Just for reference and consideration, here are some United States Legal Age Minimums:
Drive: 16-18
Adult: 18-21
Vote: 18
Drink Alcohol: 21
Political Office: 25 (Representative) 30 (Senator) 35 (President)
Military: 17-18
Also Note: On average the brain is scientifically not fully developed until age 25 - and oh wouldn't you know it 90% of the server fall under that, meaning no wonder we have a bunch of wars their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed and wouldn't you know it that part of the brain is responsible for regulating attention, behavior, and emotion as well as the processing that Actions Have Consequences... huh whelp that makes sense.
Anyways… age data is below (I didn't do everyone nor every event - nobody got time for that ;D... I didn't have time for this to begin with lol...) But I specifically want to highlight that not only was Dream 21 from Jan-Aug of his Imprisonment, but Sam was also 21 till Jun, and Quackity was literally 20 while he was daily torturing Dream... 20?! They were roughly a year apart, all of them so close. Like can you imagine, treating your peer like that? Sam is like a couple months older than Dream and that's it. Quackity can't even drink legally in the United States. That's insane...
(* to signify canonical Immortality)
Ok, so the full list of members and ages is at the bottom, but first, here are so key events I picked just to highlight their ages at the time.
Server Creation - April 24, 2020
GeorgeNotFound - 23 Callahan - 23 Dream - 20 Sapnap - 19
L'Manberg War - August 2, 2020
BadBoyHalo - 25 WilburSoot - 23 GeorgeNotFound - 23 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 Eret - 21 Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 20 Fundy - 20 Skeppy - 20 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 19 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 17 Purpled - 16 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Pogtopia vs Manberg War - November 16th, 2020
Philza - 32* BadBoyHalo - 25 HBomb - 26 WilburSoot - 24 GeorgeNotFound - 24 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 Karl Jacobs -22 Antfrost - 22 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 21 Technoblade - 21* Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Connor - 21 Schlatt - 21 Fundy - 21 Skeppy - 20 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 19 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Purpled - 17 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Exile - December 4, 2020
Ghostbur - 24 Technoblade - 21* Dream - 21 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 16 Tommy - 16
Doomsday - January 6, 2021
Philza - 32* HBomb - 27 Callahan - 23 Punz - 23 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 21 Technoblade - 21* Dream - 21 Fundy - 21 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 16
Disc Confrontation - January 20, 2021
HBomb - 27 BadBoyHalo - 25 Callahan - 24 Punz - 23 Antfrost - 22 CaptainPuffy - 22 Eret - 22 Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Ponk - 20 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 19 Niki Nihachu - 19 Jack Manifold - 18 Ranboo - 17 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 16
Quackity’s First Prison Visit - March 16, 2021
Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21 Quackity - 20
Techno's Visit- June 6, 2021
Technoblade - 22* Awesamdude - 21 Dream - 21
Jailbreak - November 28, 2021
Philza - 33* HBomb - 27 BadBoyHalo - 26 George - 25 Callahan - 24 Punz - 24 Karl Jacobs - 23 Antfrost - 23 CaptainPuffy - 23 Foolish Gamers - 22 Eret - 22 Technoblade - 22* Awesamdude - 22 Dream - 22 Connor - 22 Fundy - 22 Skeppy - 21 Hannahxxrose - 21 Ponk - 21 Quackity - 20 Sapnap - 20 Niki Nihachu - 20 Jack Manifold - 19 Purpled - 18 Ranboo - 18 Tubbo - 17 Tommy - 17
Comprehensive List From Oldest to Youngest: Name - Date of Birth (Current Age) - [Join Date] Age when Joined
Philza- March 1, 1988 (36) – [Nov 16, 2020] 32 *Immortal*
HBomb- Jan 4, 1994 (30) – [Sept 22, 2020] 26
BadBoyHalo- April 2, 1995 (28) – [May 19, 2020] 25
Wilbur- Sept 14, 1996 (27) – [July 12, 2020] 23
GeorgeNotFound- Nov 1, 1996 (27) – [April 24, 2020] 23
Callahan- Jan 19, 1997 (27) – [April 24, 2020] 23
Punz- Jan 31, 1997 (27) – [July 7, 2020] 23
Karl Jacobs- July 19, 1998 (25) – [Aug 26, 2020] 22
Antfrost- Aug 27, 1998 (25) – [Sep 5, 2020] 22
Captain Puffy- Sept 18, 1998 (25) – [Nov 16, 2020] 22
Foolish Gamers- Dec 18, 1998 (25) – [Jan 16, 2021] 22 *Immortal*
Eret- Jan 9, 1999 (25) – [July 19, 2020] 21
Technoblade- June 1, 1999 (23) – [Sept 22, 2020] 21 *Immortal*
Awesamdude - June 8, 1999 (24) – [April 28, 2020] 20
Dream - Aug 12, 1999 (24) – [April 24, 2020] 20
Connor- Aug 26, 1999 (24) – [Nov 16, 2020] 21
Schlatt- Sept 10, 1999 (24) – [Sept 20, 2020] 21
Fundy- Oct 10, 1999 (24) – [July 7, 2020] 20
Skeppy- Jan 17, 2000 (24) – [July 18, 2020] 20
Ponk- April 18, 2000 (23) – [May 7, 2020] 20
Quackity- Dec 28, 2000 (23) – [Aug 11, 2020] 19
Sapnap- March 1, 2001 (23) – [April 24, 2020] 19
Niki Nihachu- Nov 3, 2001 (22) – [Aug 6, 2020] 18
Jack Manifold- Aug 14, 2002 (21) – [Aug 3, 2020] 17
Purpled- Oct 24, 2003 (20) – [July 9, 2020] 16
Ranboo- Nov 2, 2003 (20) – [Nov 17, 2020] 17
Tubbo- Dec 23, 2003 (20) – [July 7, 2020] 16
Tommy- April 9, 2004 (19) – [July 4, 2020] 16
They are all babies confirmed... things make so much more sense... brain development guys it's important ;)
#dsmp#dreblr#dsmpblr#c!dream#dsmp analysis#this is fine#dream smp#dsmp lore#dishing up lore#pandora’s vault#c!sam#c!tommy#c!quackity#c!sapnap#c!tubbo#c!ranboo#dsmp finale#c!techno#c!punz#c!schlatt#c!puffy#c!foolish#c!purpled#c!george#c!philza#I can't believe it Quackity be torturing a guy basically his age that's taller than him and Sam... omg I just... damn... it hurts...#yo if your 20 and 21 you should consider a career torturing someone... lots of fun...#so many people are older than Schlatt including Sam and Dream… wild…#when you realize that not only can the kids not hold ferderal gov office but the majority can't... lol. not even philza can run for pres#its late at night so there are likely errors... feel free to let me know or add on? or maybe I'll do a more thorough detail...
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absolutely delicious flavour of edizzy is where theyre Actually Married but neither of them know it, while also being acutely aware of everything-
they celebrated 25 years of their matelotage. they are having sex on the regular. both of them think the other thinks their contract is purely for financial reasons and the sex is just fun + convenience.
#'hes just having sex with /me/ because he knows im not going to stab him in the back (literally)'#meanwhile theyre having the most tender schmoopy sex known to man because theyre both so fucking in love#(not 2 say anything abt the actual sex theyre having they can be as rough as they want itll still be tender because theyre having FEELINGS)#'of course we have a matlotage it'd be silly to not have a financial agreement when our lives are so entwined. whats mine is his'#and at the same time theyre celebrating anniversaries with blowout bashes and gifts and shit and just#theyre so fucking aware of their marriage but theyre SO STUPID about it#'but what if he doesnt like me like that' about the man whos slept next to him for decades#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#edizzy#blackhands#anyway it ends when someone else finally points it out#classic steddyhands set up. eds talking about his relationship with izzy and stedes like 'youre married' 'yeah but not like that'#'absolutely yes like that edward- am i the other woman?????' and it takes a few days and a lot of convincing but they talk about it#and realise oh theyve been real actual married all their lives huh#que more fucking schmoopy sex. hand holding and tears and shit and maybe its a little cringe but its their wedding night ok ????????
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